#like i genuinely think a part of her DID that when she saw how kendall acted. all high and mighty like a king beating roman down

[zevranunderstander]

i hate when people (especially men) say shiv made the choice at the end for her baby. like i hate that. she made the choice for a lot of reasons, like. she was mad at kendall winning and didn't want to just hand him the crown just because he's the man between the two of them when she fought so hard for it for so long. she maybe did it because she saw kendall turn into logan. she did it because she probably genuinely knew he wouldnt be good at it. some of that was rational and some of that was probably irrational and driven by a lot of emotion.

like. chosing between kendall and the man who she put on the throne just so he would betray her in the last second is such a brutal choice, and she chose the two men who betrayed her, because of kendall. like this always comes down to the siblings and she would rather be the CEOs wife and become her own mother than kendall become CEO and pretend to be his father. like. she does not care about tom enough to be hurt by his betrayal, nor does she care which of these choices is better for him

but she sure as fuck didn't do it for her baby. she does not care about that baby. neither does tom, really, but when people in the show say she would be a bad mother that is... kind of true? she doesn't really seem to want to be a mother and does it like a lot of "woman stuff" she does - she didnt care at all about her wedding, she doesn't care for the place her and tom moved into, and she doesn't really care about having a baby and being a mother. like, yeah, of course she's hurt when people say shed be a bad mother, but she probably still isnt all that interested in being a mother? like. there is no way in hell shiv thought about that baby in that board meeting, like she sat down calmly before the meeting and then made a pro and con list about making kendall CEO and then came to the level-headed conclusion that tom would be overall the lesser evil and better option for her baby. that woman? shiv roy? for her baby?

it's just so out of character for her that i can only blame sexism and not understanding the character because how do you look at shioban roy saying 'i dont think youd be good at it' and 'i love you but i cannot stomach you' after having lost so close at the finish line and using all the power she has so that her brother doesn't get a victory he doesnt deserve, even if the alternative is literally the worst 2 people it could be for her personally. just the idea that this was a purely rational choice made by her so that her baby has a better life is so funny to me like hello

[chaithetics]

What do you think would happen with the family/Stewy and Porce with the proxy fight?

Hello lovely Nonnie! What a great and big question! Bare with me for this ramble!

Future Porce and the Shark spoilers below!

It'll be a mess. An absolute mess. More of a mess than the usual Roy mess.

Things will start to become tense with Stewy abstaining from the board vote in S1. I could see Kendall lashing out at Porce about it (did I already start writing that a few weeks ago? Yes. Yes I did. So 👀). But Stewy's made it clear, he's behind whoever wins and I think he had intended to vote for Kendall until he saw the state of that board room and that it was a definite losing battle. He's clever, he played it perfectly in the situation and wasn't going to sacrifice himself for that. He would've been immediately upfront about what happened with Porce. Would she be happy? No, she would've been worried about Kendall as both Stewy and Roman betrayed him but she would've understood it.

Post that- is when angst is intoduced into Porce and the Shark! How are we feeling about that? I feel a bit torn, as some of you know I really struggle with angst and will avoid it at all costs. But I think this is an interesting part of the story and I think to explore this, angst is inevitable. Is this maybe spoilery, I guess so heads up for that!

With the bear hug at the end of S1. The angst will start to kick in. I don't think/plan to write that Stewy or Kendall would tell her about the bear hug. I know, I know! Stewy and Porce are communication champs. He wouldn't tell her not because he doesn't trust her, he does. But because he knows that with Kendall it'll create a Roy civil war which will hurt her and he wants to spare her of knowing for as long as he can and then he'll handle the aftermath of his and Kendall's actions. She'd find out at the wedding like everyone else does, she'd feel absolutely guilty and Shiv would hold it against her and make her feel so bad about it all. She'd try to talk Stewy out of it a bunch at the start and it'll be a kind of tragic "How do I fix this?" "Don't do it." "I have to." "I know." There'd be some trust issues and Porce would really struggle with the smear campaigns of her husband vs her siblings and father.

I also believe that Logan thinks he could plant the idea into Porce's head and talk her into divorcing Stewy and having full custody of Jonathan and Tillie. She'd be horrified and he'd really try to push it but she wouldn't budge on that. I'm tempted to write that up now that I've thought about it as well!

With the family in S2 of The "timeline" Porce would be more ostracised from the family. The only person who would keep genuine contact with her would be Connor. Kendall's in too much turmoil to think of her, Shiv would only contact her when she wants something or is trying to pull a game. I could see Logan asking Shiv to have some "girl talk" with Porce in an attempt to get ammo against Stewy/convince Porce to leave him and I think Porce would at first be touched at her sister reaching out. Giving Shiv the benefit of the doubt that it's something genuine and like sisterhood but being very upset to click what's going on. Roman also wouldn't contact Porce other than a few secret texts, he'd be cold but I think he'd be more conflicted than the others. We see that despite him being extremely cruel at times he does struggle a lot more with cutting out family members compared to the others as seen with Logan and Kendall. That could totally be argued with the power dynamic though but I also think it's partially that middle child, always being in the middle wanting everyone to get along and I think he finds Porce's existence comforting.

I think by the third season she's not so iced out but it's still a bit tense and then fourth season it's kind of better. Porce is definitely more sympathetic towards her siblings than her father and at that point it's not a plot point.

I think as a couple it'll impact their relationship, it'll raise some understandable distrust and hurt. Stewy will feel guilty and Porce won't like the dynamic of him feeling like he needs to make things up to her etc. It'll also force her to find her voice a bit and to kind of grow up in that way. It'll be rough, there will be angst, some interesting conversations but I want to say and promise that while it will be tense at times Stewy and Porce will be okay!!! I promise you they're more than okay!

I'd be interested to read your thoughts on this Nonnie and anyone else who wants to share theirs as well! Thank you so much for sending it in, I appreciate you doing so and taking the time to read my pieces. Have a great night 💗

[stewykablooey]

what do you think stewy's reaction was when kendall went to rehab? I definitely don't think it was kendall voluntarily going, but I also don't think stewy would've went to any intervention for kendall, even if he does recognize kendall actually has problems with drugs 🤔

hmmmmmmmm i actually Do think kendall went voluntarily, mostly because i genuinely can’t imagine anyone in his life who would care enough to force him to go (or have the emotional capacity to show that they care because i Do think the sibs cared/were concerned about his substance abuse but they definitely wouldnt intervene) except maybe rava, but a) i dont think kendall would listen to her and b) if she did it was part of an ultimatum that eventually pushed kendall to check himself in. unless you’re thinking about like, a court-mandated order but idk about the logistics of that, but then yeah, i do think that could be a way that kendall ended up in rehab. (i could also see connor trying to talk to kendall about going but kendall wouldn’t listen to him either and connor wouldn’t push) but Also, i think kendall really would go voluntarily as some kind of attempt to better himself, but not really in a healthy way, more in an all-or-nothing side quest before he got himself caught into logans orbit again, or in some complete toxic mind-shift of like ‘drugs are for the weak my body is a temple’ type bullshit.

anyway back to stewy: Yes, u are so right that he would not intervene, just like the sibs he obviously cares but he would never take it upon himself to get kendall to seek help because he feels that a) thats not his responsibility and b) its not his business. as close as they are and as intertwined as their lives and business becomes, i think stewy very much draws a boundary between him and kendall that they each are granted autonomy as an adult. whatever kendall does is his business and whatever stewy does is stewys business and they can meet in the middle wherever those things might cross, or just enjoy their friendship outside whatever those things may be. and this is for specific things, like rehab or kendalls marriage, which is also something im sure stewy wouldnt touch with a 100 foot pole. obviously the bigger picture stuff, stewy Does get himself involved in, like kendalls vendatta against logan, or trying to get kendall out of the company. but i think in a way stewy sees that big picture as much more viable, if he can fix the root of this, then all the things about kendall that he cant and wont touch will be better for it by proxy. if kendall could just be a normal billionaire without the roy family sickness then he could be normal about drugs, like stewy is.

so to finally answer your question lol: i think ultimately stewy saw as that, none of his business but also thought of it as pointless. i dont think he saw it as a bad thing and i think maybe he did hope something good would come out of it for kendall, but i think stewy never saw kendalls drug problem as a drug problem, i think he saw it as a logan problem, as a Roy problem, so he wouldn’t have had high hopes for this making any significant impact on kendall.

bonus: idk if anyone has even said this but i wanna get in front of it before anyone does, theres also no Goddamn Way that kendall going to rehab or kendall overdosing or kendalls substance abuse would e v e r make stewy think twice about his own drug use. i think stewy fully believes he is the smartest most perfect most balanced drug user in all of new york city and that whatever kendalls relationship to drugs is, no matter how sad or scary, doesn’t apply to him because he has the most perfect relationship to drugs ever (whether that is true or not)

[zalrb]

What’s up with shiv and Tom? Do they love each other? Does Tom live shiv or just that she’s a roy?

I'm going to try to answer this as coherently as possible.

I don't think Shiv was looking for love when she got together with Tom, I think she was looking for safety and security and for someone she thought would never hurt her, which to her, was more important than "love" because Shiv doesn't know what healthy love looks like or feels like. Everything is a power struggle in her world and love is weaponized. Like, she, Kendall and Roman were in a pretty good place and in this episode they easily shunted her to the side for power. As we saw in season 2, Logan is as expressive in his love as he can be when he singles her out as the next potential CEO and he takes it away when she doesn't act the way he wants. Tom was supposed to be the antithesis of all of that and I think she loved him for that but Shiv, as a nuanced and flawed character, warped what safety means because it became less about Tom not being a threat to her and more about using him as an emotional punching bag or neglecting his emotional needs and treating him the way Logan treats people because that's what happens with cycles.

Like, it's interesting talking about Tom's betrayal because I feel like people frame it the way Shiv probably frames it in her mind where Tom just did this to her through no fault of her own and there's no real acknowledgement that Tom got to that place because of how Shiv treated him for the past three seasons, and because she doesn't see her own part in it, we're at this point now where she can't trust him not to betray her and that's the real issue for her, love is irrelevant.

In terms of Tom, I think in the beginning, he did genuinely love her, I also think at the back of his mind, he was probably always thinking "she's a Roy" but that wasn't at the forefront of his mind, but I think the longer he stayed in her world and the longer he was married to her and the more he put up with from her, the more cynical that love became. Like there's this discourse that Tom being in the culture of Waystar turned him to this person or brought this person out in him more and I think that's true but I also think it was being married to a person who doesn't know what healthy love looks or feels like. Sarah Snook said that Shiv sees love as transactional:

I think in her family, she’s grown up to feel that love is transactional and so how do you navigate having an honest conversation with your husband without that lens? It is difficult.

and I think we're at the point where he sees his relationship to Shiv as that way too. I also think if Shiv just said sorry and that she was wrong for the things that she's done, he would forgive her, he would also say sorry, and they could move forward — and she might but it seems unlikely — so basically he's Shiv to her Logan.

[pynkhues]

anything about caroline collingwood honestly... i want to hear it all

This is a slight tangent to your ask, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately (again, haha) about how Logan typically seems to be attracted to women who he sees either himself or his needs in, especially this late in his life. His relationships with Marcia, Rhea and Kerry all seem steeped in the way that those women demonstrate something of his own survivalism and ruthlessness, and it’s fascinating to me in the sense that they each seem like a shallower version of, and are a more superficial relationship to the one that preceded them.

Marcia was a true partner to Logan in s1, and while she was self-serving, she also did protect him, support him, care for his health and seem to have genuine love for him. Rhea in s2 was more transparent about her self-interest and her maneuvering, but she also became something of a companion to him before everything blew up, whereas Kerry in s3 seems so far to pretty clearly be posturing and using Logan for her own professional and social gain – gosh, she doesn’t even manage his medications well which contributes to his psychosis with the UTI. You know Marcia never would’ve let that happen.

I think all three women though speak to Logan’s current and present desires for partnership, legacy and control, and it makes for an interesting reflection of where he’s at in his life.

The reason I bring this up is because I’m fascinated by Caroline and Logan’s relationship generally, and in particular what the relationships we’ve seen play out on screen tell us about Logan’s first two marriages, and maybe even who those two women were as people.

In some ways, they are hard to compare, especially Logan's first marriage. He would've been very young when he married Connor's mother, likely in his early twenties, and I tend to think their marriage was one built on a foundation of trauma. We know Connor's mother had mental health issues and was institutionalised, but the timing too would've roughly coincided with either Noah's death or him handing the reins of the company over to Logan (either of which would've had huge implications for a 20-25 year old Logan who'd experienced serious physical abuse by him), Ewan enlisting (bearing in mind their father died at war), and, I suspect, the death of their sister.

Caroline too is different to Marcia, Rhea and Kerry, in no small part because Caroline had independent wealth and a sealed legacy that Logan wanted for himself. In many ways, they were more equal than any of Logan's other relationships, but all of that sort of does beg the question of what, exactly, Caroline saw in him.

She was the one with generational power, she was the one with embedded social status and secure wealth, whereas Logan’s empire would’ve really still been in the process of growing. The major expansion of Waystar Royco into theme parks and cruises is said to have been in the early-to-mid-80s after all, and Kendall would’ve been born in 1979, which tells us that when they got together, Logan was a divorcee with a son and a likely robust-but-still growing news business and a degree of political power in another country.

On top of that, they weren’t old when they met, but they weren’t especially young either. I tend to think there’s more or less the same age gap between Caroline and Logan as there is between Harriet and Brian, which is four years, and would put Logan at 40 and Caroline at 36 when they had Kendall (maybe a year or two younger), and so if we estimate they were together a couple of years before that, Caroline would’ve been in her early thirties when she started dating Logan.

Caroline isn’t a social climber in the way Marcia, Rhea and Kerry all are, and she has nothing to secure. She has everything she wants, and yet she chose Logan, and Logan chose her, and I do think they’re both still wounded and bitter enough about each other that they were genuinely in love.

It kind of comes back to my original point about the survivalism and the ruthlessness of the women Logan’s interested in, and how we see that materialise in Caroline as a character. She’s a stone wall a lot of the times, acerbic and often cruel, and there’s something to that that makes me think she’s a survivor too. Something both raw and slick – barbed wire wrapped in silk – that Logan maybe saw himself in too.

In particular, I really loved what Harriet Walter said about Caroline in her interview with The AV Club:

I have to say that I’ve created a backstory that [Succession creator] Jesse [Armstrong] approves of because I had to fill in the dots. He has to look over everything, though, and I only have my character to look after. So I created a sort of backstory where she’s certainly no saint, but you do understand that she was badly parented and she has no clue about being a mother, really. She handed everything off to nannies, but she thinks she loves her kids and she has her cozy moments with them. When anything gets profound and real and they really need her, a kind of shutter goes down because that’s what she knows, because that’s what happened to her when she was a kid’

I think that’s probably the survivor that Logan connected to, and to me, that speaks to Caroline’s upbringing. That she wasn’t shown love or affection as a child, that her parents were distant and neglectful, if not abusive, that that made her sharp, but not cold, defensive but not necessarily offensive. Technically, she wanted for nothing in life, but there’s the same rejection of real emotion in her that there is in Logan, because neither of them were shown how to love, how to give, how to do anything but manage the hand you’re dealt, and that festered inside both of them until it fundamentally broke them.

Ultimately, I think Logan projected that into his social climbing (he'd be happier if he had more, was more, did more), but Caroline already knew that wasn't the answer.

In some ways, it leaves her aimless, but in others, she has a clearer purpose than Logan too. Her life is about preserving her family history, most notably with the castles and estates, while Logan’s is about trying to create his, and I think that builds in them both this really interesting, bristling root conflict, and testifies to the way he was able to take sole custody of their children.

He feels a family beside and ahead of him, whereas Caroline feels a family behind her, and I think Caroline knows nothing can fill her, whereas Logan doesn’t. He still thinks his story has a happy ending, while Caroline knows hers doesn’t, so she’s getting her kicks in where she can, and Logan’s constantly looking on to the next best thing.

They're tragedies out of step with one another, and I think it meant that when they were happy together, they were probably really happy, and when they weren't - -

Well.

They really, really weren't.

[hageny]

Yeah, that's how I felt too. I feel like people are very quick to be like, "You are being harsh towards her because she is a woman!" When its like, "No dude, she genuinely sucks." I think she definitely faces sexism and misogyny, but that does not excuse or negate her overall character and actions. My baseline for every character on this show is to immediately dislike them, because that is the nature of the world we are placed in with them. There is no true morality. Even with Eavis and Nate (🤢), they were technically trying to expose the evil Logan does and I was like, "Nope, can't stand them" as soon as I saw them on screen. I agree that Shiv is used to getting her way and it's now we are seeing that things aren't going in her favor. And I think you're right that she does use sex as a weapon. I also think part of the reason why Logan is being especislly dickish to her this season is because he is able to see how opportunistic she actually is. In the past, it wasn't anything to do about the company. She separated herself from that. But the moment she said she wanted the top job and exposed herself in season 2, that's when he started to punish her for it. He definitely is a misogynist and so much more, but with his daughter, he berates and humiliates her because she is playing this game where she says she is doing everything on his behalf, but deep down its so secure her own gains. And in general, Logan will never approve a successor because he is that petty and self-involved. But I think in her head, and many viewers heads, it's like, "You're just trying to keep a girlboss down!" And it's like, why are you trying to be a girlboss? I think a lot of white women especially think that if they get criticism for doing horrible things, it is sexism, etc. and it's like....why can't we point out that you are doing a horrible thing? Because you are. As noble as you may want to be, if you are following the footsteps of the horrible figures before you, being called out on that is not sexism. In the past I used to feel sorry for Kendall because he was abused. But he is the same as Shiv. They think they are on this crusade of justice when it is self serving and hollow. And don't even get me started on Roman and Connor. But I find it frustrating because Shiv wants to be seen as moral when she is the same as everyone else. And she has not faced the same abuse as her brothers. She has gotten a pass for a lot of things. But she doesn't act different. It is always about her. The only time I genuinely thought there was an inkling of morality was when she was against Roman's pick for president. But even then....there was plenty of ego on display.

Thanks for the comments! In my view, Logan is not really a misogynist, because when we really boil him down to his essence, he treats everyone the same, which is usually pretty poorly. I often think back to that scene in "Vaulter" when he offered Shiv the top job, but gave her a list of requirements to meet before she could take over, and all she did was shoot him down. She wants the top job, but she doesn't want to do the work to GET there. And Logan has gotten there by work, and work alone. He grew up poor; you can't half-ass that sort of guy. And really, to a degree, I agree with his low estimation of others. Where they see a linear path, he sees all the roads laid out before him and asks the necessary questions. With last weeks episode, when everyone was excited after Stewy called Gerri wanting to make a deal with her, only Logan was smart enough to ask, "Why? What do they know that we don't know?". Everyone else saw the deal, and he saw the paths around it, the obstacles, the scheme--which there was. Stewy was playing both sides with Ken and Gerri in his pocket. But only Logan intuited that. And like Logan or not, that's what makes a great businessman, and it's the reason he looks down on everyone else, because really, who else is capable? Who else thinks like him? Gerri comes close, but even she is not quite Logan. It goes beyond being self-involved and into what really does it take to run a company like the one he built? I agree with you, a lot of people throw the 'girl boss' term around when on the receiving end of criticism, although I will say it's not just white women. It's a lot of women in general, who don't want to levy criticism against one of their own because all that's drilled into their heads is "patriarchy this", "all men that", and it influences a lot of people's perceptions of the characters in a way that is wholly inaccurate. Gerri, for instance, gets this treatment sometimes, but really, is she someone we should want to be? Is she someone we would want to work under? Unless we're Roman, not really. In all her years there, there's no evidence she had any interest or empathy for anyone around her, woman or not. She even throws Karolina under the bus when it comes to telling Logan about the biography being written about him in "Hunting". Even in a simple interaction, if she can get out from under the heat she will, and that's her character, that's who she is. Even J. Smith-Cameron has said Gerri isn't really a good person, and she also named Shiv as one of the show's most evil, alongside Logan. I haven't gotten through the latest episode yet, so I don't know what I'll think of Roman's presidential pick, but I am intrigued to see it, haha. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I like the discourse.

[mackenzie-lukasiaks]

Do you think Abby regrets ever treating/favoring Maddie and by extension the Ziegler’s in general the way she did? Now that they want nothing to do with her and she’s pretty much lost everything? Also speaking of that, i really saw it coming. Just from knowing how Melissa and Abby are I just knew that their relationship would eventually sour thus souring her relationship with Maddie as well, and it’s so weird how Maddie is the one that acknowledges Abby and the show the least when she benefited the most from it. Do you think Abby regrets all she did for them? Does she regret how she treated the others considering how she ended up in the long run?

probably a little bit. it would be kind of understandable. she did everything possible to make maddie a star. without dm, and without abby constantly gassing maddie up as a literal child prodigy, sia would never have discovered maddie. abby was obviously upset during the zieglers’ last episode, to the point of not even taking part in the little post-comp celebration, and I do think abby has made some nasty vague comments on instagram in the past about the zieglers being ungrateful.

but you’re right, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise. and in a way, it might not have been a total surprise to abby, at least where melissa was concerned. I think in one of the s3 episodes (maybe the one with the “sugar and spice” kendall/maddie duet), abby says that she knows melissa is a fake friend who just tells people what they want to hear. I think at a certain point, abby knew that melissa was using her. but I think she thought that she and maddie had some kind of genuine connection. and that obviously turned out not to be true. which like.....I can’t blame maddie for lol because abby was always super weird about their relationship, but I don’t think abby saw it that way.

unfortunately I don’t think abby has enough self-awareness to regret how she treated the other girls. I think, if anything, she wishes she had treated them all the same. remember the episode from s7 when kira and holly and jill go to abby in the aldc dressing room and tell her that it’s over and they’re done with her? and abby is like crying about how she did everything for everyone and she feels like such a whore? I think that’s how she really feels, that all of these kids were just ungrateful brats, all the mothers were just using her, and she should never have done anything nice for any of them. which is pretty pathetic when you think about it.

[ubernoxa]

The Token: A Guns N’ Roses Fanfiction

Chapter 7: Cousin Kendal

Masterlist

Story Summary: Story inspired by the movie She’s the Man. A female Duff is tired of dealing with the bullshit of trying to make it on the strip as a female bassist. In a desperate attempt to make it big doing what she does, she cuts her hair and mascardes as Duff. What’s the wors that could happen?

Chapter Summary: Cousin Kendal comes to town causing several problems and hiccups in Michelle’s plan

Taglist: @viralwolf02 @littlemisscare-all @smokeandmirrorz @aratbaby @slashscowboyboots @achiweyow

“So what did you do last night? Have any fun?” Derek quizzed as I was wiping down the display cases in between rushes.

“Went out with Walter and Macy, and it was...interesting. Went to a couple bars that had okay music. Nothing I won’t forget in a couple weeks though. How about you?,” I shrugged back. The bar hopping part of the night might have been my idea to get away from a certain group of people.

I continued to listen to Derek as he talked about the girl he met last month and was still going out with. He kept going on and on about how cute and sweet she was, making my heart warm. Yeah I was quickly growing tired of his constant praise or borderline obsession over his girlfriend, but I was glad at least one of us had a healthy relationship, hell a relationship in general. The best word to describe my relationship status was nonexistent. I froze for a second as an unfamiliar figure stared back at me. I remained frozen staring at my own reflection. I hadn't noticed it at first, but Michelle the brunette bassist who worked at a coffee shop seemed to be slowly turning into a stranger. A mask I would put only only when needed.

“ I hope my father hasn't been working you too hard,” my heart stopped at the familiar voice that came from behind me.

“No Kendal, but just enough to keep me out of trouble,” I quickly turned around and sent the familiar face a smile, except she wasn’t as familiar as I had expected her to look. It wasn’t her hair, her clothing, or her makeup that was different, but something was. She quickly pulled me into a hug before letting go of me and placing her hand under my chin.

“Did you grow? You have to at least be part giraffe by how tall you’re getting!” She quizzed as I felt her look me up and down

“Giraffe? I’m not even 5’ 10”!” I teased back.

“Ohh there is my college girl,” I turned to see my uncle running out of the back office to give his daughter a large bear hug. It was nice to see them back together after the six months that had passed. I sent them both a warm smile before returning back to work.

“What major is she this week?” I had to hold in a snort at Derek’s comment. He had many options about Kendal, and a majority, arguable all, of them weren’t good.

“Hey now, do you know what you want to do for the rest of your life? It is both a scary and hard choice!” I whispered back. Kendal had tried marketing, accounting, journalism, typography, design, and now she was sitting in general business management.

He shrugged and joined me in washing the dishes.

“What would you do?” As he shot up from organizing the pastries, it was clear that my question had caught him off guard.

“What?”

“I said, what would you do if you had the money to go to school?” I repeated.

He shrugged before returning back to the pastries, after a couple of seconds I heard him reply, “I would go to culinary school. Once I got the degree I would head to New York and never look back,” I felt a sense of comfort flow through me as he talked.

“I have always heard that New York has the best dining. Unless it is deep dish pizza, that belongs to Chicago,” I smiled back earning a nod from him.

“Yeah I would become an apprentice or some shit like that and save up enough money until I could own my own local restaurant. It may take 10 or 15 years, but when I have it….ohh god when I get it I will name it after my dad and have his sausage stew as a permanent item I will do anything to get there. Hell, I got one more year before I can start affording to go to college part time. I have and will do whatever it takes,” he added.

“Let me know when you open because I will be the first in line. I will camp out a week before your open if that's what it takes!” I smiled back, his face quickly mimicking my own.

“Are you really going to have time to? You are going to be a world famous rockstar! That's still the dream right?” he asked back, his attention no longer on organizing the pastries.

“Yeah, and I think I might have actually found the right band too! We sound unique and the songs we play aren't the ones you would forget a week later.”

“I am glad that you are finally back on your feet after your last band...what was is Pyxie or some shit like that?”

“Yeah..forget those bitches! They didn't have what it takes!”

“And you do?”

“Yeah..I gotta” I smiled back at him. These were the moments that made me love my job. These were the moments I wish he didn’t have a girlfriend.

“You gotta what?” I immediately snapped up at Kendal’s question.

“She has gotta have what it takes to make it as a rockstar!” Derek bragged as if I was his kid who just won the spelling bee. Which would never happen because I couldn’t and still can’t spell for shit.

“She has to have what it takes,” Derek rolled his eyes when Kendal corrected his grammar. Kendal had many quirks and Derek could not tolerate any of them.

I watched Derek like a hawk as he tried to calm himself down. Luckily for all parties involved he was successful.

“Your band is called Pyxie right?” She quickly asked and immediately apologized when she saw my reaction.

“They were my old band, and they were more interested in sex than the music...so I left and found a new one,” I received a confused look from Derek as I spoke. Using the term left was putting my departure from PYXIE lightly, but that is the beauty of telling the story. I get to tell it my way.

“Ohh sorry to hear, but sounds like you made the smart educated decision by leaving the band. What is your new band called? Can I come see you perform soon?” She was radiating excitement as she spoke.

“We don’t have a name yet, but whenever we have our next gig I will invite you and send you pictures!” The lies easily rolled off of my tongue as I spoke

“Good to hear that you found another band!” I wish I could punch Izzy in the gut when he invited himself into the conversation. How had I not seen him walk in?

“Kendal, I’m Michelle’s cousin. Are you her bandmates?” Izzy tried to hide the smile that was growing on his face, but he failed.

“No, Axl by the way” I rolled my eyes as Kendal swooned over Axl, just like every other girl he encountered.

“If you are looking to see some music tonight, or band has a gig,” I immediately stared Izzy down as he spoke.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IZZY STRADLIN.

“Oh Shelley and I would love to go,” I never broke eye contact with Izzy as Kendal spoke. I watched as a smirk grew on his face when Kendal slipped and called me my nickname from when I was 10.

“Sorry I can’t go,” I didn’t even fake a saddened tone as I spoke.

“Are you working late?” Axl’s tone was smooth as he spoke

“No, band practice,” I shrugged before Kendal could make a comment offering to get me the night off which would only cause my lie to fall apart and everything spiral out of control.

“What band? You singing or playing guitar?” Axl seemed genuinely curious which threw me for a loop.

“Bass, and name coming soon,” I quickly replied.

“Would I know anyone in this band?” I shot Izzy another death glare as he quizzed me. I wanted to slap his smirk off of his stupid face.

“No….but like I said I won’t be able to make it,” I never broke eye contact with the black haired dick as I spoke. Why? Why was he digging? He knew I was Duff. By the look on his face I could tell he was enjoying this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I started to apply my eyeliner when I heard him walk in.

“Thought you had band practice,” I heard him tease as he leaned against the wall right against the mirror I was using. I could barely focus on applying my eyeliner as he leaned against the wall smoking a cigarette. His purple blouse was unbuttoned all the way and tied at the bottom reminding me of the night that was a little over a month ago. Fuck he looked hot.

“Do you need help teasing your hair?” I raised a brow, but before I could say anything he grabbed a brush and began teasing it to the heavens. He was gently which was actually quite surprising.

“Take a picture, it will last longer,” I remained frozen while Izzy spoke as I stared in his reflection in the mirror. My mind raced around in a circle trying to figure out his game, but I couldn’t think of any reason.Was this some sort of apology?

I decided to close my eyes, and relax. We were going to perform soon, so overthinking would only make the nerves that I always get from performing worsen.

I froze as I felt a moan escape my lips. My eyes shot open and I watched Izzy continue as if nothing happened. I tried to calm my breath as he continued teasing my hair, but another moan soon escaped my lips and that is when I saw it. A smirk had grown on his lips as he repeated to tease the same spot earning another moan. This bastard was doing it on purpose.

“Ohh baby you’re so hot when you moan like that,” I then felt him kiss the crook of my neck.

“Her cousin called her Shelley,” the moment I heard Axl’s voice, Izzy went back to finishing my hair.

“You fuckers ready to kill it tonight?” Slash shouted earning a fuck yeah from the two of us.

“Duff, did you know that Michelle used to go by Shelley? Isn’t that cute? It reminds me of a stripper or dancer” Axl asked before grabbing a beer.

I shrugged looking back at him before replying, “Doesn’t really fit her. Doesn’t look like a Shelley.”

“Did you see how she reacted when her cousin said it? I’m definitely going to be calling her that from now on,” Axl’s laughter echoed backstage which was quickly joined by the rest of my band excluding me.

“Is she seeing anyone? If not, I am definitely going to find her after this gig,” Slash smiled before taking another sip of whatever the fuck he was drinking.

“Well she will be here after the show right?” Izzy turned to me as he spoke.

“No, Derek, the guy who works with her at the coffee shop asked her out on a date tonight, so neither of them will be at the show,” I shrugged back and excused myself to go get another beer.

It had taken 20 minutes of me begging and pleading with Derek for him to ask her out. I used the excuse that I hated the Indiana boys’ guts which took him a lot of convincing. Eventually he caved when I offered to cover a shift for him next weekend. He asked Kendall on a fake date, and that was the end of that problem. At least that is what I thought until I saw Derek and Kendal in the crowd.

I waited at the bar and in an instant I knew that I was fucked. Standing only a few feet away from me was Derek and Kendal. I watched as he came over and his eyes caught mine while a flash of recognition crossed his face. I motioned for him to follow me, and he quickly made some excuse to Kendal.

We stood alone in the ally as I watched him try to find his words. For the first couple of seconds we stood in silence.

“Okay, what the actual fuck is going on? Why are you dressed as a guy? Is this your new band? Last and certainly not least who the fuck is Duff,” I sighed as Derek growled at me.

“Long story short, I got sick and tired of dealing with the bull shit of trying to make it on the strip as a chick, so one day I dressed as a guy for an audition and...boom Duff was born. I am running out of options Derek. Whatever it takes. That’s what you said only a couple of hours ago. You said that you would do whatever is takes to Make your dream come true. Well that’s what I’m doing here,” Derek remained silent as I spoke.

The seconds that it took for him to respond felt like hours. “I guess that explains the wig situation, why you really wanted me to ask out your cousin, along with why you were being nice to Axl and Izzy. Two people who you despised a couple months ago,” He ran his hands through his hair as he spoke. I could tell he was trying not to freak out.

I watched as he shook his head in shock. “How long do you plan on keeping up on this charade? Does anyone else know? Do you have a plan?”

“Once I get my record deal,yes, and my plan is to not fuck this up. But before you continue to judge me, put yourself in my shoes. I’m on borrowed time Derek. Please get my cousin out of here because she can’t find out. She just can’t,” I said before leaving him to go join my band backstage.

“Whoa Duff you okay?” I tuned to Steven as his voice caught my attention.

“Yeah, just a bit nervous,” I shrugged back.

He poured a pair of shots and we took them together.

“Alright boys, let’s show them what the fuck rock and roll is,” Axl shouted before we went on stage.

It was the last song in our encore.

The last note where Axl was screaming to the heavens.

That’s when Kendal and I made eye contact.

That’s when I saw recognition cross her face.

I watched as the smile fell from her face and she immediately shoved her way through the crowd.

Fuck.

She knew.

[agustdef]

Knucklehead - Part 2

Pairing: Yoongi x OC [From Here & Now]

Genre: Idol!AU; Fluff; Some Angst

Word Count: 14.3k

Warning: Some angst. Some language. Mention of an almost panic attack.

Rating: PG15

Banner Marker: @shadowsremedy​

Lovely Beta Reader: @shadowsremedy​

Author’s Note: So, this is the second and final part of a two-shot for the Bangtan Scenery ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’ collab. This is Part One of it. 

Summary: Sometimes you have to work a little harder to rebuild what was broken.

Kendall dreaded most of her nightly facetimes with Yoongi and she hated that. But the discomfort and fear that came with them just wouldn’t let up, even when six months had passed since the incident. Even as they both got comfortable with each other again and the guilt eased on either side. There was just this lingering voice in her head that said she needed to be careful before she messed up again. Messed up and really ruined their relationship, which was the last thing she ever wanted and feared she would if she slipped up in the slightest.

That fear was why two hours before every call she went through a checklist of things that needed to be done. She tried to check it as she did each task throughout the day, but sometimes she forgot one or two things. And if something on that list hadn’t been done, she’d do it, so she didn’t have to lie about doing it if he asked or if the conversation led there. Lying would help no one, especially herself.

The night of the last call before she’d see him in person - the first time in three months - was beyond nerve wracking. She’d gotten caught up in work and was left with an hour to get everything checked off. That meant reheating her dinner and finishing it off, doing a quick fifteen-minute workout to compensate for how little she’d been able to leave her desk, and showering.

By the time the call came in she was still working on washing her face and answered just before she could rinse off the face wash.

“Hello?” Yoongi said.

Ken was out of frame which probably confused him, but once she’d dried her face the phone was adjusted so that he could see her.

“Hi,” she said.

Yoongi stared at her for a moment and said nothing, which made her stomach uneasy. But before the nerves could truly settle in, he smiled at her. One of those soft, genuine ones that expressed he was happy in some capacity. It soothed the discomfort that started to brew in her stomach and mind.

“Are you just getting in?” he asked.

Kendall shook her head but didn’t respond right away as she poured toner into her hands to pat into her skin. Once that was done, she turned her attention back to him.

“No, I came back around five. But I took a nap and it lasted longer than I intended it to. Which would’ve been fine if I didn’t wake up to Ara asking for me to do some last-minute edits before she sent off my manuscript. So, I finished that in like two hours, but got so distracted trying to rephrase a sentence that it was later than I intended to finish.”

Every word she said was careful, Kendall didn’t want to risk going on a tangent and saying the wrong thing the wrong way. Even if it were a simple misunderstanding that could be cleared up in seconds, she wanted to avoid it.

But even with how she worded it Yoongi frowned at her.

“Did you eat?”

Kendall nodded; her eyes focused on the mirror in front of her as she applied a vitamin c serum.

“Yes. That’s why I needed the nap and I ate again a little after I woke up.”

She’d hoped it would end there, but of course it didn’t.

“But why so late for lunch?” Yoongi asked.

Without missing a beat, she answered. “I started my day later than usual by waking up at eleven. Breakfast wasn’t eaten until almost noon, so lunch wasn’t eaten until four. Plus, it was a work lunch thing with Marcus, which meant I was going to eat more than I should anyway.”

That left him silent and though it was killing her, Kendall refused to look at her phone again until she finished the rest of her skincare. It gave her time to steel her nerves if he was going to be upset with her.

When she finally did look his gaze was elsewhere and she realized he was talking to someone else. He’d pulled the phone away, so she just simply hadn’t heard him or the other person speaking. And that was much better than him silently being upset with her. Especially since the last time he’d gone that quiet on her was the day before he barely spoke to her for a month.

By the time he started paying attention again she’d moved from the bathroom to the bedroom, snuggled comfortably under her blanket. For a moment he appeared thrown off by the change in scenery, but he bounced back quickly.

“Uh, what were we talking about?” he mumbled, but before she could answer he was talking again. “Oh, yeah. So, you ate. That’s… good.”

The hope that his momentary distraction would bring a subject change was gone and she deflated a little. But she didn’t want him to notice, so she kept her face neutral and nodded. If he caught on, he didn’t say anything about that, just stared at her again with his expression making him appear deep in thought.

It was so freaking awkward, and Kendall didn’t know what to say or do, so she simply turned her attention to flipping through Netflix. It was about a minute or so later that she found something to rewatch and the words to say.

“So, what do you have planned for today?” she asked.

“Uh, we leave for the airport in an hour. They changed our flights last minute, so I’m just working on something until Jin says the van is here. He came over for breakfast.”

“Oh, makes sense,” she mumbled.

Though she’d come up with a question to get things moving her brain hadn’t thought far ahead enough to have another one ready. Thankfully, Yoongi was ready to take control of the conversation.

“Did you finish the season without me? Don’t think I didn’t see Netflix reflect being four episodes ahead and then back again a day later,” he accused.

That took away Kendall’s other worries as she tried to lie her way out of saying she’d binged almost to the end. Watching shows together meant no skipping ahead at all and it was a punishable offense. There was no way she was going to outright admit it, at least not without putting up a fight.

And so, for the rest of their call they talked about that and then a few songs that Yoongi stumbled upon. He thought she’d like them, so he played them, and they listened together, chatting here and there.

Forty-five minutes later Jin came to get Yoongi since their ride was there. Yoongi waved him off and then went to say bye to Kendall.

“I’ll text you before takeoff and when we land, okay?” he said.

Kendall nodded. “I’ll probably be at this work thing when you guys get here, so I’ll see you after or the next day.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said.

After throwing her a quick finger heart Yoongi hung up and Kendall was alone with her thoughts. And her thoughts weren’t pretty. They lingered on the memory of his expression when she mentioned how her eating went that day and the one when she brought up the work event she had to attend. It was the same expression he gave her every time eating, rest, or working came into play. The worry was etched strongly into his features and she appreciated that he cared, but she missed not having to see it so much. Not having to see that fear that she wasn’t taking care of herself. Not having to see the lack of trust in her ability to function on a healthy level.

She understood why, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The clear lack of faith in her was a dagger to the heart and she couldn’t stop the tears that flowed because of it. It wasn’t surprising though since she often cried herself to sleep after their calls.

The first day and a half of the boys being in California was spent relaxing around the house the company rented for their stay. Usually they’d have schedules almost immediately, but for once they were allowed a bit more freedom. And that freedom meant that they stayed in the house and only left their room’s when someone mentioned a group movie watch.

Yoongi barely wanted to leave his room for that. Kendall had to force him to get up or he would’ve stayed cuddled with her like they had been since she’d arrived. Which she clearly didn’t mind but told him that moving about and interacting with others for a few hours would help with the jet lag a little. Yoongi didn’t agree with that, but he gave in after she gave him several kisses.

That was how she got him to do most things during that day of relaxation. And when the next morning came and she needed to leave for something he required more kisses than either of them could count.

In truth he would’ve let her go after the first two, but then he saw that she was willing to continue giving them until he’d release her, so he got greedy. But after five minutes of being held hostage she broke free and left him all alone. He hoped sleep would come to him again, but after half an hour of nothing he was forced to get up.

After a brief shower and change he stumbled down the stairs to the living room where he found a few of the others loitering around. They were all dressed and looked ready to leave, which confused him.

“Where are you going?” he asked, making his presence known.

Jungkook looked his way first, his eyes widening from their half-closed state from when Yoongi entered the room. The kid looked like he was ready to pass out at any second.

“We’re going out for breakfast, remember?” Jin said.

Yoongi was at a loss because he couldn’t recall that ever being the plan. He’d expected at least half the day spent in the house until their schedule later on. He was ready to say he didn’t remember, but then the memory of Halsey texting Namjoon about going out during the movie came back to him.

“Oops.”

At that Jin rolled his eyes and then his focus went back to his phone. Yoongi joined him on the couch and messed around on his own phone, returning texts, and checking social media. After a few minutes everyone was downstairs and ready to go.

They piled into two separate vans and headed to wherever Halsey had set up the breakfast.

As they went Yoongi’s mind drifted to Kendall. He missed her, but he mostly wondered what she was doing. She hadn’t divulged the details, just said there was some work that she needed to do or something of that nature. Yoongi hoped she ate before she got too busy and planned to text her about it until his attention was drawn elsewhere.

“Did you get a chance to look at the thing I told you about last night?” Hoseok asked Yoongi.

Again, Yoongi was left a little confused before his brain caught up. He really needed coffee or something if he was going to get through the day.

“No,” he said.

At that Hoseok sighed and pulled out his phone. He tapped around for a little while until something was pulled up. Then he handed Yoongi one of his air pods and waited until it was firmly in the elder’s ear before pressing play.

Yoongi sat back and listened, his mind focusing solely on the sounds from the headphones. It was a slow building instrumental and then suddenly there was the injection of Hobi’s usual style when the drop hit. There were some things he’d change, but he liked it. Actually, he loved it and that excitement made him forget that he was going to check on Kendall. He and Hobi dove into a deep discussion about what the goal was for it and a few tweaks that could help it along.

They were so in their own world that everyone had gotten out of the car and it took Jin coming back to knock on the window to get their attention. But that didn’t stop them. Even after they got out of the car, into the restaurant, and greeted Halsey they still were immersed in discussion. They even pulled in Joon at some point and the three of them were huddled in the booth typing things into their phones or writing them down on napkins.

They would’ve remained that way had Jimin not gotten annoyed and slapped the table a little. “Hey! We can’t keep telling the waitress we need more time.”

That gained their attention and a sheepish expression from all of them. After that they turned their attention to the menus and when the waitress showed up again, they were ready to order. Yoongi ordered coffee and the waitress must have seen how much he needed it because she returned with a large mug for him moments later.

With food orders out of the way everyone went into conversation.

“How much do you guys have to do before the Grammys?” Halsey asked.

At that they all groaned.

Namjoon huffed. “We have ten different interviews, performance practice for the Grammys and for another show, some random appearances here and there, plus some music to work on with some producers while we’re here. And let’s not get started about what comes after the awards.”

Halsey grimaced and tried to give some reassuring words, but nothing could be said that would alleviate all the tension they were feeling. Even Yoongi was feeling immense pressure when he usually handled it the best. Or at least appeared to handle it the best.

The more he sat and thought about the schedule Sejin showed them, the more he wished he was back in bed with Kendall again. That was infinitely better than most things, but definitely better than their packed schedule. You’d think that over time he’d get used to BigHit having them work so much, but that was far from the truth.

“Well, you have the parties to look forward to this time. I know you guys plan to go to one or two. And you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch, right Yoongi?”

He nodded and chewed on his lower lip. The thought of the brunch didn’t ease his nerves, but it did get him to smile a little. He couldn’t help but look forward to going to an event that was bound to have many people whose music he admired.

“Yeah. Kendall decided to go this time and I’m going with her. We have to go see a stylist to finalize some things in a few days,” Yoongi said.

Halsey smiled. “You must be excited. I know a few of your favorite rappers were invited and a few artists you said you’d like to work with. And who want to work with you.”

All Yoongi could do was nod. He felt giddy just thinking about it and refused to be that outwardly happy in public. The place was mostly empty because of security reasons, but that was beside the point.

After he didn’t elaborate, the conversation turned to Halsey’s schedules. She was also performing and presenting at the Grammys, so they’d be seeing a lot of each other.

When the food arrived, silence reigned for a while unless someone had a comment or wanted to try something another person ordered. The more he ate the more Yoongi felt awake and like a functioning human being. Well, that and all the coffee he was consuming. He didn’t go too crazy because it would leave him jittery, but he had enough that he would be wide awake for several hours after the fact.

Just as they were finishing up though, a call brought everyone’s attention to Halsey. She gave a quick apology and walked away to answer it. When she came back, she was rolling her eyes and laughing.

“What?” Jungkook asked.

Halsey shook her head. “Nothing. Ken was calling me to ask about a few words in French because she needed them, and Google was of no help to her.”

Jungkook nodded, but then pursed his lips. “What is she doing anyway? I know I saw her leave the house earlier and she just mentioned she had something to do.”

After downing the rest of her water Halsey answered. “She had a writer’s club thing scheduled for today. They go to some cafe around here that a friend owns and write or brainstorm for a while. I think she said the session was going to be like five hours or so. She’s almost at the climax of her draft and was eager to get it done and over with.”

A weird feeling overtook Yoongi when she said that, but he tried to keep it at bay; he didn’t want to go down that train of thought. Doing that would only be taking two steps back in all the progress he made since the incident. It wasn’t like Kendall was spending all day there and she was with other people. People who were surely responsible enough to know when it was time to call it quits.

He refused to think about the possibilities of her slipping into old habits.

In his attempt to regain control of his thoughts he almost missed the cue to leave as everyone got up. He followed behind in a careful manner and tried to keep his focus on them and what was happening in the moment. There was mention of shopping around for an hour or two which was approved by Sejin. He didn’t need to buy anything or necessarily want to, but he didn’t mind the distraction.

With the plan in place they headed out and got into their respective vans. As they drove down the street a sign caught Yoongi’s attention because the name was familiar, but he came up short on why. It wasn’t really important, so he didn’t try too hard to remember and found his attention moving to the other shops that they passed. A few were brands he was fond of or stores he wanted to check out, which overtook his whole not needing or wanting anything thought from before. If something caught his eye and he didn’t think the price was ridiculous then maybe he’d indulge.

That thinking kept him occupied for a while as they finally exited the cars and started going in and out of stores. Everyone kept the purchases small, except for Hoseok who seemed to find something in almost every store. The man could shop for days. And as always Yoongi indulged him, following him to each store and looking around until he was done.

An hour in as they stopped to grab something to drink at a Starbucks did something click in Yoongi’s head. The name on that sign was familiar because it was the one that Kendall’s friend owned and the place she usually did her gatherings.

And just like that Yoongi’s mind was drifting where it shouldn’t. To all the things that could go wrong if she hadn’t eaten or hydrated or didn’t have her wrist braces. To if she’d been working a lot in the days leading up and if she was on a deadline of any kind that she was hyper-focused on. To the way she looked leading up to the incident. To what she looked like when he’d found her passed out and when she lay unconscious in the hospital.

It drove him up the wall and he unconsciously pulled out his phone and texted her. The message was a simple check-in message, not something out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary though was the way he reacted when a few minutes passed and there was no response. There was a series of texts sent.

Yoongi: I just wanted to see if you were busy or we could talk for a second?

Yoongi: Just checking in on you

Yoongi: And I miss you

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: Kendall…

The more he texted without response the more the worry settled into his chest and wouldn’t leave. Yoongi tried to be reasonable, but his brain just kept flashing images of her in the hospital.

That led to him calling her, to which he was also met with no response. Her voicemail said something about being out of touch for a few hours and getting back to the caller later.

That’s when he knew that he was being unreasonable. He knew that he needed to calm down and stop overthinking things. But by the time he’d taken a deep breath and pulled himself together he’d already led Hoseok and their security to a shop that was near the cafe. It was right next door.

When he noticed he stopped in his tracks.

Hoseok bumped into him because of the suddenness and started to grumble until he stood next to Yoongi and saw what he was looking at. From the look on his face it was clear he knew what was happening.

“Just pop in and say hi. Don’t say anything crazy to upset her.” He patted Yoongi on the shoulder and started towards the store with one of the guards.

Upsetting her was the last thing Yoongi wanted, but something about the way Hoseok said it made him feel weird. Like the younger man knew information that he didn’t, but he had no time to think that over. He was in broad daylight and needed to get a move on so not to draw attention.

So, with his guard in tow he walked over to the cafe, took a deep breath, and knocked. It took a few more knocks to get someone to come to the door and when they did it was a woman who looked very annoyed with him. Though the expression vanished after she clearly registered who it was.

“You’re here for Kendall?” she asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Was just coming to see her for a minute.”

The woman nodded and led them farther into the cafe after locking the door. They were instantly met with the stares of everyone who was there, well everyone except Kendall who was still in her own world. She had to have her arm slapped before she pushed her headphones off and paid attention. After glaring at the person who’d hit her, her eyes flitted over to Yoongi and widened.

Without a word she got up and walked over to him. “What are you doing here?”

Yoongi shrugged, trying to play it cool. “We were nearby doing some shopping and I remembered you mentioning this place, so I thought I’d swing by for a second. I missed you.”

That had Kendall narrowing her eyes at him. She grasped his hand and led him over toward the kitchen area of the cafe, directing his guard to take a seat.

Once they were alone, she turned to him with her brow raised. “So, you missed me and were in the area?”

Yoongi continued to try and play it cool, but when his eyes found the slightest things “off” about her he found it a struggle. There were slight bags under her eyes and the way she carried herself just presented this tired exterior. How had he not noticed how tired she was before?

After he realized he’d remained silent for too long he shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah, like I said we were around and as we were walking, we came this way and I thought I’d come see you while Hobi checked out his twentieth store.”

It took a moment, but then Kendall’s face relaxed as did her body. The defensive stance she took left her and Yoongi felt relieved that she was no longer seeing through him. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead ended up covering up a long yawn. That sent Yoongi into overdrive and though he was still careful he had to say something.

“You seem tired, baby. You sure you don’t need a nap?” he joked.

Kendall laughed, but was cut off by yet another yawn. Once that one was done, she groaned. “Maybe, I do.”

Yoongi thought that was a great opening. “How about you come take one with me?”

The thing was he miscalculated when the right time to say something like that was. Kendall froze after that and her defenses went back up. Yoongi watched as she went from calm to basically glaring at him.

He messed up.

Kendall took a deep breath before speaking. “I didn’t tell you what I was doing today or where I’d be. Meaning you heard it from Hals, which is fine it’s not like I was keeping a secret and I know you all were together when I called. So, none of that is a problem. And I didn’t make a fuss about you coming and disturbing this whole writing thing, something you know not to do unless it’s an emergency, because I missed you and hated having to leave this morning. So also, not a problem. But what is becoming a problem is you here lying to my face. So, tell me why you’re here, Yoongi.”

Yoongi was conflicted and wanted to play it off but lying to her would do more damage and he didn’t want that. Especially not in a place that wasn’t private where they could work out his brief moment of stupidity.

“We were in the area and that is why I came by. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure things were going okay and that you weren…”

She cut him off. “That I wasn’t pushing myself too hard?”

Shame filled him, but he nodded his head.

What he expected was for her to rant and rave about how tired she was of him doing that or being offended, but what he got instead were glossy eyes. He wanted to console her, but he didn’t know what to say or do. He felt out of his element.

“I haven’t properly written in two weeks because I had other work and didn’t want to overextend myself. Any writing I have done was edits here and there for Ara or just me taking a moment to go through the manuscript because I had down time. These next few weeks are crazy for me since everyone comes into town for the awards and I run around to see friends or enjoy sessions. This day was one of the few I was taking to sit and actually put words down. To make progress so I don’t feel shitty when things mellow out and I have more time to do things like write. And to hang out with friends I haven’t had the chance to see much of,” she said.

As she spoke Yoongi watched as her eyes became glossier and finally a tear or two slipped from them. Her voice also grew softer, and each word made her sound so disconnected from what she was saying. It broke his heart.

“Kendall,” he said, stepping closer to wipe the tears from her face.

Shaking her head, she took several steps back and used the sleeve of her - well his - sweater to get rid of the tears herself.

“You should go,” she said.

He wanted to comfort her, to apologize, but it wasn’t the right place and he’d already done enough. Nodding, he whispered a brief see you later and I love you before turning to leave. He didn’t even say anything as he went, just inclined his head so the guard would follow and left the cafe.

Hoseok emerged from the store seconds after and after one look at Yoongi’s face shook his head. Without a word they walked back to where the van waited for them.

Avoiding Yoongi was what Kendall wanted to do, but of course it was the one time one of his visits to California meant they’d be seeing a lot of each other. The boys had jam pack schedules that took them all over the city and some of those included pre-Grammy events. And Kendall was forced to go to those for networking purposes and sometimes solely to be some sort of representative for her company since most of the producers there were freelance.

So, after two days of dry text responses and refusing to go where he was, she was forced in the same room as him. Which would’ve been fine if she could ignore him the entire time or maintain her indifference, but they were in a public space. The slightest hint of trouble in paradise led to everyone and their mama knowing and having something to say about it. She’d already seen how people got after they’d both been having a bad day and didn’t seem particularly fond of anyone, let alone each other. Everyone was ready to hear that they’d broken up or something.

No one wanted that, so she’d had to suck it up and relinquish the hurt that she felt. It was hard, but she prepared herself mentally for it. That and the reminder that she only had to stay for a few hours and would be forced to mingle helped. The more talking to others the less time spent in his presence or so she hoped.

When she arrived at the event - an hour after it started - everything was in full swing. People had drinks and were talking to everyone and anyone they could cling to. It made her want to leave right that second, but she had an obligation; so, she grabbed a drink and allowed herself to be whisked away by the first person who approached her.

Thankfully, luck was on her side. The first person to grab her was an acquaintance she’d made while working on a song for a Bruno Mars album. She’d enjoyed their presence and they kept in touch some. He brought her over to a group of his friends - newer producers - and she hit it off with them instantly. They talked about themselves and projects they’d worked on. Two of them wanted to break into producing for international music and asked her how she’d gotten into working with K-pop artists on stuff.

The conversation was so nice that she’d pushed away her thoughts of worry and sadness, it held her focus. Though it only lasted an hour.

“Why are they staring at them like that?” Jess, one of the producers, asked.

That caused Kendall to pause mid-sentence to follow her gaze. Once she found what held her attention the feelings came flooding back to her, but they were quickly overshadowed by different ones. Off in the distance all the boys stood or sat around a table with one or two of their friends. But all around them clusters of people talked amongst each other but stared the boys down in a way that was uncomfortable on several levels.

Of course, there couldn’t be at one event they went to that people weren’t on their bullshit. They just didn’t know how to interact like normal humans, as if any of the boys would bite them or something.

Kendall turned back to the group, but they were already shooing her away. She reminded herself to get their contact info before she left the event and then made her way over to where the guys were.

As she walked over heads turned in her direction, but as soon as she made eye contact with those people they looked away and put some distance between the guys and themselves. It pleased her that they still remembered she’d come for anyone who did or said anything that upset any of them and she wouldn’t pull her punches.

And her glare was so effective that as she got closer to the boys everyone’s attention was actually focused on who they were talking to.

Once she reached the table, she greeted them all, but moved to Yoongi’s side immediately. They weren’t people known for large displays of public affection, but when out together they remained close. So, when she walked up, he laced his fingers in hers as soon as she reached for his hand and they smiled at each other.

The smiles were forced, but not necessarily fake. At least on Kendall’s end. She had a reason to smile, she was amongst friends and just left a wonderful conversation, but there were also reasons to not be that into it. First, she’d had to come and put a stop to people making the boys feel awkward. Second, as she noted that people weren’t blatantly staring or gossiping the hurt bubbled back up.

Maintaining eye contact with Yoongi long enough that she didn’t seem to be dodging his gaze was hard, but she managed it. When that awkward situation was done, she turned her attention to everyone else.

“How long have you guys been here?” she asked.

Namjoon glanced down at his watch. “A little after they started. Sejin wanted us to get here earlier to make sure we talked to somebody. That happened in the first ten minutes and now we’re just here for a while.”

Kendall nodded.

“How about you?” Jungkook asked.

“Oh, I was an hour late.”

At that they all rolled their eyes and she heard a few murmurs about how she was lucky she could just show up whenever. It made her laugh that they envied her when they were all at the event against their will for longer than they wanted to be.

After that small talk they all dove into discussing something Namjoon read and thought everyone else should read too. It was hard to tell him no when he was so passionate about something, so they all let him talk up the book. Kendall had to admit by the time he finished she planned to at least look it up.

But even as she attempted to give him most of her attention her gaze and mind continued to wander towards Yoongi. He was also listening intently, but every so often he’d glance her way with something that could’ve been akin to longing. And she wanted to give in but then her mind flashed back to two days before. The worry on his face and the way he’d tried to find a roundabout way to get her to leave her session early. But most of all the lack of trust in her being able to take care of herself. That hurt the most and though a part of her deemed it a valid worry of his, it didn’t take away the fact that she wasn’t okay with it and was upset. And no matter how much she reasoned with herself she couldn’t look past that. She couldn’t bring herself to talk it out either. Not yet.

And if forced to spend more time in that set up she would’ve bought the book Namjoon was talking about and given into Yoongi. But she was saved by the clearing of a throat into a mic. Everyone’s attention moved to the makeshift stage near the bar, watching and listening intently as the host introduced themselves. From there a few speakers went up and there was a newer artist who was nominated for a Grammy who performed. Kendall really liked their sound and made a mental note to check out more of their work.

After about an hour and a half of that everyone went back to conversing amongst themselves, but the crowd had seemingly grown. People were much closer to the group then they were before, and they seemed to be trying to talk to the boys more. Kendall wasn’t even the focus and she was overwhelmed, so she couldn’t imagine how they felt about it.

That is until she felt a hard squeeze to her hand. Glancing up she noted that Yoongi was nodding along to whatever the man in front of him was saying, but his body was tense. And from the way he grimaced every so often she could tell he wasn’t okay.

Too many people around with focus on him in a space he wasn’t comfortable in wasn’t a good combination. It led to small attacks and she wanted to avoid those.

Kendall had to interject.

Putting on a small smile she turned her attention to the man talking. “I’m sorry. I need to borrow him for a moment. So, if you would excuse us.”

There was no waiting for a response from him, she merely used their interlocked fingers to pull Yoongi away from the table and the crowd. As they went, she made eye contact with Sejin who nodded in understanding, but she didn’t stop walking until they were out of the main hall and inside an empty supply closet.

Once inside she turned so she was facing him, releasing his hand so both of hers could cup his face. He didn’t look at her at first, his eyes closed and his chest moving rapidly as he regulated his breathing. That hurt her heart and she felt the frustration brewing, but she kept it at bay. Leaning forward she pressed her forehead to his and her eyes fluttered shut. She started breathing deep and slow, her fingers caressing his cheeks. After a few seconds, his breathing matched hers and once she felt he was calm her eyes opened.

The second hers were open so were his. There was still a strong sense of unease in his expression, but he no longer looked on the verge of an attack. It gave her some relief.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

Yoongi nodded.

“Yoon. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Again, his eyes closed, and she was worried he was slipping into an attack, but when he opened them again, he appeared more at peace.

“I promise, baby,” he said, his voice scratchy.

She nodded, softly chewing on her lower lip for a moment.

“Do you want to leave? We can tell Sejin and I’m sure the boys are looking for an excuse to escape.”

“Please,” he said.

That was all Kendall needed before she was pulling out her phone. To her surprise Namjoon had already texted to say they were leaving and would head to where they were staying before meeting at her apartment. Yoongi had clothes at her place so there was no need for him to go back with them.

“They’re already gone. Is going back to mine okay?” she asked.

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but then he just nodded again. He was still clearly fighting off the effects of what almost happened.

Kendall wanted him out of there as soon as possible. So, she pressed a kiss to his nose and then grabbed his hand, leading them out to her car. And even after they had to let go of each other to get in, their hands found each other again once secured inside. She drove with their fingers intertwined, allowing Yoongi to use her hand as a distraction.

When they arrived at the apartment, she grabbed some things and took a shower in the guest bathroom. She wanted to stick to Yoongi’s side, but she also knew he needed some time to himself. No matter how much having people around helped a moment to collect yourself and work through it always helped more.

About half an hour after their arrival the boys showed up with food and Yoongi emerged from her bedroom swathed in a large hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He didn’t say much of anything and no one pushed him to. They all ate their dinner in a comfortable silence while watching something Taehyung choose on the TV.

Though Kendall thought the night would remain calm the boys chose to play some video games and Mario Kart and Smash Bros got them real competitive. It was amusing to watch, but it made her happy because it’s what brought Yoongi out of his shell and got him to smile a little.

However, after three hours and them still going strong Kendall felt tired. No matter how much she tried her eyes wouldn’t remain open and it was time to throw in the towel.

She carefully got off the couch, catching none of their attention, and moved toward her bedroom. Before she disappeared though she turned around and clapped loudly, gaining everyone’s focus, and making someone lose.

“I’m going to bed. You can stay or you can go. You all know that I don’t care, and the extra blankets and pillows are where they always are.”

At that they nodded and refocused their attention on starting up the game. And Kendall made it to her bedroom, pushing back her blanket and once laid out she allowed it to consume her.

As she laid there and listened to the boys’ yell, she hoped it would be the thing to lull her to sleep, but nothing came. Her mind wandered, several subjects coming to the forefront as she dodged the one thing that was the real reason she was still up. It was persistent, always finding a way to weave itself into something else she was thinking about. After some time, it reached a point where she was in tears because she couldn’t shake it.

That vulnerability was all it needed to strike.

Her thoughts were the same every night. How life was so stressful and how she still felt in that weird limbo with Yoongi. And the recent incident didn’t help her at all. It made her feel like she was farther away from fixing things fully than she actually was. Made her think that Yoongi would never trust her in that aspect of her life ever again. And reminded her of how she’d failed herself in not seeing the signs of her downfall. Her therapist said that she couldn’t blame herself for that and she agreed with her, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from surfacing.

It was all too much and before she knew it all it took was the soft shouting of Yoongi to send her into a full-on sob. She wished she could stop it, but all that she could manage was maintaining her silence.

Kendall didn’t know how long she laid there crying to herself or when the boys stopped yelling at each other. The next time she became aware of anything besides what was going on in her head was when the bed dipped, and she was pulled into a chest.

Yoongi whispered softly that it was okay and that he was there while wiping her tears away. She wasn’t very present, but she heard him sniffle and that’s when the dam broke a little more. It wasn’t long before she felt tears that weren’t from her.

They both laid there and cried until sleep claimed them.

The next morning Yoongi woke up in the bed alone and tucked in. When he finally had the energy to venture out, he found Kendall in the kitchen with Jin preparing breakfast. They were in their own little world and he didn’t dare disturb that, even if he did have questions about how he’d found her the night before.

He greeted them, made his coffee, and found the other boys in the living room. They all appeared as disheveled as he felt, so the room plummeted into silence after brief good mornings were uttered. Everyone focused on the TV playing some show in front of them, but it didn’t really hold their attention. Or at least it didn’t hold Yoongi’s attention much.

After waking up Yoongi was always a bit out of it for a while, even as he functioned as if he were wide awake. It took some time - and some coffee - to get him to a point where things felt not so distorted. Food also helped, and thankfully after the second failed attempt to keep his eyes open it was done and being brought into the living room. It was the usual location for them to eat despite Kendall having a perfectly comfortable dining area.

Eating was also a silent affair. There was a little talking occasionally, but it was mostly asking someone to pass something here or there. But there was nothing off about that kind of thing, the combination of food and just waking up was reason enough to not want to speak to each other. Plus it wasn’t like the silence left things awkward, they’d all grown comfortable enough with each other to just simply be in each other’s presence sometimes.

By the time they finished everyone was much livelier and seemed ready to start the day. At that point they prepped to rotate taking showers to get ready for the day. Some of the boys had separate things they wanted to do and Sejin apparently dropped some stuff off for them, so they didn’t have to leave to get ready.

Yoongi jumped into the shower while Kendall and Jin cleaned the dishes - something they insisted on. By the time he stepped out of it his mind was cleared and he only had one thought in his head. Why was Kendall crying? He feared there was something wrong that she hadn’t told him about. But he also feared that he’d been the cause of her tears. There was no clear way for him to know which one scared him more.

It didn’t matter though, he needed to know what was wrong so he could possibly help someway. Knowing that he was maybe the cause was better than not knowing at all. Especially if it wasn’t the first time it occurred.

So, when Kendall walked into the room moments after he finished getting dressed, he opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t get the chance.

“Goodness, I feel like I sweated through every orifice of my body last night. I definitely need to shower again,” she said dramatically, already pulling off her clothes.

That made him pause and smile a little at her behavior. It halted his thoughts of saying something long enough that just as he attempted to speak again, she was already cutting him off.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. But Max said he was coming a little earlier and since we all slept in, he should be here soon. Can you make sure someone lets him up?” she asked, turning to look at him for the first time since she entered.

Yoongi knew that was his moment to say it, but then his brain short circuited seeing her naked like that and that momentary lapse told him he wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. He wouldn’t be reacting like some kid seeing his first boob if his brain wasn’t looking for something else to focus on so he could avoid the crying.

He nodded.

Kendall smiled and gave him a thumbs up before skipping into the bathroom. Once the door was closed Yoongi fell back onto the bed and groaned. Of course, he froze up just as he almost did it. Of course, his mind drifted elsewhere. All he’d done for the last few months was struggle with getting to the point with her and things were suffering because of it. He thought he’d gotten better, but obviously not back to normal.

He hated the weird place they were in.

There was no stewing in his annoyance for long though, he needed to keep a lookout for Max. Raising from the bed, he grabbed his phone and shuffled out to the living room. Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon were laid out on the couch and focused on their phones. All of them in a fresh pair of clothes and slightly damp hair.

“What are you guys doing?” Namjoon asked once Yoongi took a seat.

Taehyung and Jimin said they were going to see a few museums or something. Once they finished Yoongi muttered about going to a studio with Kendall, Max, and a few others.

Namjoon perked up at that. “Can I come?”

His suddenness startled Yoongi who glanced over at him with a raised brow. “I thought you were going with the other three?”

At that Namjoon simply shrugged. “We were going to go out a little far out to get some pictures and just relax, but I kind of want to go to the studio. Even if it’s just sitting there and hanging out versus doing anything productive.”

Yoongi could get that. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s fine. It was us all just catching up and messing around anyway. It’s one of those rare times everyone is in the same place so we can meet up and meet people.”

Namjoon smiled at that and got up heading towards the guest bedroom. Yoongi could hear him tell the others he was abandoning them with a whole of excitement. He was sure if the younger man didn’t specify what he was leaving for they’d be offended.

In his absence Max showed up and Yoongi let him in. They greeted each other with the same friendly fondness that they always did. And as usual they dove into their own world after Max said hello to the others. The conversation was focused on catching up and what they were up to. They both were very over all the things they had to show up for during the days leading up to the Grammys. Every event was basically the same and they’d much prefer chilling or doing something that they wanted to.

“So, you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch?” Max asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Yeah, Kendall doesn’t want to go alone.”

“And you also really want to go and see who you can meet,” Max said, seeing right through him.

Yoongi laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. Of course, everyone saw through his whole thing about just going for Kendall. He was going for that reason, but he wasn’t going to deny that he was excited to be amongst people he looked up to all his life or admired. Even if nothing came of it, he'd still have a good time being there.

Before he could verbalize anything though Kendall emerged from the bedroom dressed and hair up in a bun. She smiled at Max and waved before venturing down to the guest bedroom. Her head peaked in and Yoongi faintly heard her say that Jungkook could shower in her room.

When she returned, her and Max went into conversation while Yoongi’s attention was drawn in by Namjoon showing him something. And they all stayed like that until Jin, Hoseok, and Jungkook were dressed and ready to go. After Sejin confirmed he was waiting for them they headed down, but just as they reached the elevators Hoseok paused.

“I think I forgot my charger,” he said.

Kendall was already in the elevator and stepped out, but Hoseok waved her off.

“You guys go down. Yoongi can open the door for me, right?”

For a moment Kendall appeared confused, but then she simply nodded and stepped back in. Yoongi was just outside the doors so he simply turned and led Hoseok back towards the apartment.

Once they were inside, he expected him to go look for the thing, but Hoseok merely turned to face him, his lips in a deep-set frown.

“What?” Yoongi asked, both confused and worried.

A second or two passed and Hoseok said nothing, which was horrible on Yoongi’s nerves. But before he could ask again, he started talking.

“I’m guessing you found her crying or looking like she cried herself to sleep last night?” he asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

That made Yoongi freeze. How the hell he knew about her crying was beyond him, but it made him feel even worse that his friend knew what the heck was going on, but Yoongi was clueless. Had Kendall told him what was wrong, or did he find out by chance? Yoongi really needed to know.

“Ho...” Yoongi started.

“The month you were being an ass I had to come here for work remember? I had a hotel room but I mostly stayed here and the first night after we watched a movie she went to bed a little early. She must have forgot I was there or was just too distraught to stop herself, but she cried then too. I went to check on her when it lasted for several minutes and found her full on sobbing in bed. Once I got her calm I asked her about it. And even then she cried every night after. Now did she cry or not?”

Hearing that made Yoongi’s chest tight and his breathing a little labored. He wanted to ask more, but he couldn’t find the words and Hoseok was awaiting an answer. Not trusting his voice Yoongi nodded.

Hoseok chewed on his lower lip for a second before sighing. “Okay, so I’m not supposed to tell you and I technically won’t, but you two need to talk. Of course, you need to discuss what happened a few days ago, but you also need to bring up the crying. You have to do it tonight, okay? This crap can’t be held off any longer or it’s only going to get worse.”

The urgency in Hoseok’s voice made Yoongi’s stomach churn. He really needed to know what the hell happened, but he knew that only one person could give him those answers and it would be wrong to press someone else for them.

“Okay,” Yoongi said when he finally found his voice.

After staring at him for a while Hoseok nodded and they left the apartment. Their descent was made in silence and Yoongi tried to keep his expression as blank as would be considered normal, he couldn’t look upset or like he was trying too hard to look fine. Kendall or Namjoon would pick up on things and he didn’t need that.

But once he got into Max’s car Namjoon glanced at him once and it was like he saw right through him. Yoongi gave him a look that relayed to not ask question and Namjoon’s mouth clamp shut into a firm line. Thankfully though Kendall was too focused on a call to glance his way longer than a second so she couldn’t scrutinize him.

Once he was settled, Max pulled off and they made their way to the studio. It was a quick trip and soon enough Yoongi didn’t have to worry about Kendall possibly catching on because she was wrapped up in everything else.

Her distraction led to Yoongi watching her closely. Of course, he was in the conversation and actively enjoying himself, but he also took into account everything that she did. The way she slowly became more comfortable and how she smiled. It was wider and much more genuine than he’d seen in a while. Everything about her was much freer than he’d seen her in what felt like forever and that was a punch to the gut.

That realization dampened his mood and made the last two hours of their session a bit hard to bear. He kept up with conversation and even took over the computer to add on a suggestion of his, but he was no longer as excited to be there.

In fact, Yoongi was anxious to leave.

Around six they were picked up in a van with the other boys and went out for a quick dinner. Yoongi was sure that Hoseok let the others know that he and Kendall needed some time alone if the way they inhaled their food was any indication.

But things couldn’t go that smoothly.

Just as Yoongi was going to say he was going back with Kendall, Sejin said they needed to have a meeting at the house. Of course, he didn’t know how long it would be, so having Kendall wait for them was unreasonable.

Another stop to his plans.

They parted ways and Yoongi all but shouted the meeting needed to happen the second they stepped into the door. It shocked no one - except maybe Sejin - and they got right to it. The subject was just about how the next few days would ramp up and they’d have the morning off the next day, but that evening was meant for some interviews and more practice.

The moment that was finished Yoongi was already out of the house and hopping into the car that stayed behind. The staff member driving knew where to take him without a word. And for the twenty-minute drive he sat with his leg bouncing and chewing on the tip of his nail.

Once at the building he all but ran inside, throwing a quick thank you over his shoulder. He spent the entire elevator ride trying to find the right words to say and when the doors opened, he was so sure of himself. However, once he got inside his nerves hit. It wasn’t that he’d lost his edge, but he heard something that sounded like whimpering.

He was right that it was a regular occurrence.

Yoongi steeled himself and made his way to the bedroom. He didn’t want to rush in and startle her too much, so he took his time pushing the door open and making his way to her side. He crawled into the bed and pulled back the cover from her head.

Kendall looked surprised, but it was clearly pushed aside as she tried to rid herself of the tears. It didn’t change that her eyes were bloodshot and her hands shaky.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Yoongi wanted to simply comfort her and tell her it would be okay, but he didn’t fully know what was going on. And without knowing and talking things through he couldn’t promise things like that.

“Baby, we need to talk,” he said, hoping the term of endearment would soothe any worries about what he planned to say.

There was no obvious reaction to it, though he did feel her stiffen a little. For a second, he thought she’d change the subject, but after a deep breath she nodded.

Carefully he moved both of them into a sitting position. She had her back against the headboard with her legs crossed and he sat opposite her, his hands taking in hers.

Several minutes passed in silence. Yoongi knew she needed a minute and refused to push her. He wanted their conversation to go by smoothly and that meant being hyper aware of how either of them felt before saying anything.

A hand squeeze was the signal for him to proceed.

“How about we start with why I found you crying two nights in a row,” he said softly.

That made her clam up a bit, but Yoongi squeezed her hands on and off to comfort her. After a few seconds she physically relaxed and took a deep breath.

“I haven’t... I…” More squeezes of reassurance and she worked through it. “It felt like the world crumbled down around us the moment we came back from the hospital. I knew I’d messed up and that it would take some time to rebuild things, but I don’t know at what point the rebuilding is complete. I don’t know when I can finally relax and not feel like something I say or do that leans slightly into not so healthy territory will upset you. Of course, I’m making a strong effort to be better for myself above anything else, but some things just can’t be helped. Sometimes I’m going to work a little too hard or skip a meal solely because I’m not hungry.

“But when is it the time that I can do that without feeling like I’m letting you down, Yoongi? When do I get to stop feeling like that, you’re five seconds away from shutting down and cutting me out for a month again? I get it and I understand that this is a lot on you and you’re still working through some of it yourself, but when does it stop? Does it ever? Or are we stuck in this infinite loop of me fearing the wrong move will completely destroy our relationship just like I thought it would after it happened?”

Halfway through her mini rant Kendall started crying again. She tried to hold them back, but it was clear that she knew it was a losing battle. So Yoongi watched them flow down her cheeks. He watched as her voice broke and she became distraught. He watched as the thick wall that had still been between them started to crack a little.

And he hated it.

Yoongi hated that it took six months before they could get to a point where everything was finally laid out. He hated it because he knew how much of it was his own fault. Kendall wanted to talk about it once he’d stopped giving her the cold shoulder, but he thought a slow approach was best. And when everything was normal-ish, he was sure he’d worked through the urge to react a little aggressively when she seemed to slip into the habits that landed her in the hospital.

His behavior was hypocritical. While she lived in fear she’d do something to set him off, he continued his habits every so often and sometimes even brushed off her concern. It was truly messed up.

At some point he was so in his head thinking about how he’d messed up that he almost forgot that the love of his life was across from him crying and waiting for a response.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi glanced up and stared into her eyes. It broke his heart to see how watery they were, but he needed to get through it and not just jump to comforting her. There would be nothing else to get him off track.

“I know this hasn’t been easy. It’s sucked hard the last few months and I know it wasn’t handled the best. I worked through my emotions and didn’t think we needed to go further than the progress we’d made. I sat blind to the fact that I was still clinging to the fear and making it hard for you to be free with me. To say what you want without worry about me being upset. And for that I’m really sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Kendall. And I have to apologize for the way I stormed into your writing session. I let my worries overtake me instead of trusting you, which is shitty. I trust you with all that I am, and I never want you to think I don’t. And I promise to make sure that I don’t make you feel that way again.

“From now on we are going to be our normal selves. There are going to be moments where we push a little too hard or slip up, but I know neither of us will go through what happened again. I’ll stop the weirdness and if I slip up please let me know. I will not be upset if you call me on my bullshit. Okay?”

Since she was still crying, she couldn’t speak so she just nodded.

With that out of the way Yoongi finally pulled her into him. With the force they fell back onto the bed, but he didn’t mind at all. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed kisses all over her face. After a while she giggled and tried to get him to stop. However, Yoongi refused to let up and at some point she ended up pinned underneath him.

Once he had enough of being jabbed in the side, he stopped but didn’t move from where he was straddling her. His eyes softened and his hands reached to caress her face. He felt nothing but affection course through him as he stared at her. The smile on her face was radiant and it was the first time in months she looked at him that way.

“I love you,” he said.

That only made her smile shine brighter. “I love you too.”

After their talk and another brief conversation things got better. Kendall felt she could be much freer in what she did or said around Yoongi and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. They were busy so there wasn’t a lot of time spent together, but any time that was in each other’s presence could be described in one word.

Disgusting.

At least to everyone who had to be in their presence.

They were so free that their affection and love were always present. If they weren’t kissing, they were cuddling. And if cuddling was out of the question, they were holding hands or linking pinkies. It was as if they were forgoing their usual not so intense public affection to make up for lost time. And if they didn’t have any shame - which it never felt like they did - they’d probably end up dry humping each other on the couch during movie night. Everyone was thankful it never came to that.

Kendall was very aware of how their behavior was affecting everyone, but she didn’t care all that much. At some point she planned to scale it back to normal, but for the time being she thought it was fine for them to just deal with it. Especially since they weren’t as bad as Jimin and that girl he dated for six months. The thought of the compromising positions she’d found them in would forever send a chill down her spine.

But she could admit they were maybe overdoing it after it taking five minutes for them to part ways and get ready for the brunch. They had to be dragged apart and pulled from the bedroom so they could start the day. It was kind of funny, but also a little cringy. Though she’d take that over non-stop tension any day.

Their separation wasn’t for long though. After a little over an hour of hair and make-up they met in the kitchen, both grabbing a snack. Yoongi was almost fully dressed. He wore olive green slacks and a white button up. His gray hair was styled to where it covered most of his forehead, but there was a small part near the center. He looked good and his pants made his butt pop a little. Though it was still no match for Kendall’s. She wore a dress of the same color. It was off the shoulder with flowy sleeves and though the material of the top hung a little loose the skirt of it was tight. It met and molded with every curve she had.

Yoongi surely appreciated it.

“Stop staring at my butt, please and thank you,” she muttered after downing a glass of water.

“That’s not going to happen,” Yoongi muttered.

Turning to face him fully she took away his view, which led to him pouting at her. While it was a little adorable, she couldn’t forget that the reason he was pouting was because he couldn’t be a perv.

Moving closer her arms wrapped around his neck and she leaned her head on his shoulder. There were some complaints about her curls getting into his mouth, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

“You look good, love,” Kendall muttered.

“So, do you,” he replied.

Kendall’s eyes fluttered closed after that and she just stayed like that. Being wrapped in his arms was nice and she never wanted to leave them if she could help it. But obviously that wasn’t allowed.

“I told you five minutes to grab a snack. You’re not going to be upset with me because I didn’t have the time to add some extra touches to your hair,” Kendall’s stylist, Michelle, said.

Holding back a laugh Kendall pulled away from Yoongi and winked before following behind the woman. She wasn’t really annoyed with her but testing her was also not the best idea; she could get mean.

The next time they saw each other was in the car taking them to the event. They were running a little behind, but neither of them cared much. They were definitely not going to be the last ones to get there.

“I had a feeling you’d choose those,” he commented as they got out of the car to make their entrance.

At first Kendall was confused, but then she noticed his head incline towards her shoes. She’d chosen a pair with a thicker heel since Michelle wouldn’t allow her to wear flats or fashionable sneakers.

She scoffed and pressed closer to him as his arm wrapped around her waist.

“Of course. Do you want to have to massage my feet so they feel better after that torture?” she asked.

Then it was Yoongi’s turn to scoff. “As if you’re not going to make me after you wear those.”

They were on the carpet where photos would be taken by then but it didn’t stop her from lightly swatting at him.

“Don’t act like you don’t volunteer half of the time.”

“Don’t act like I don’t volunteer in order to maybe get something out of it,” he retorted.

Her instinct was to keep going, but she merely laughed at him. He wasn’t wrong per se. It took a moment for them to come out of their own little world and realize there were cameras pointed at them. They quickly got it together and took one too many pictures.

From there it was full steam ahead. They entered the party and were immersed in people. They were saying hi to acquaintances, catching up and hanging out with friends, and interacting with people they hadn’t before. At some point there was a brief conversation with Jay-Z and Beyoncé before Jay Park swooped up and pulled Kendall’s attention.

But no matter who they were talking to both were glued to each other’s side. Yoongi would be having a completely different conversation with a different set of people then Kendall and still had their fingers laced. And when they weren’t too focused on anything they were practically cuddled together and happy in their own space.

A few hours of drinks and conversation made them want to go home though. So, despite the promise to stay a little longer they made their exit and headed home. Though there were a few quick stops for food and things.

Once at Kendall's apartment they got ready for bed and then proceeded to struggle to make a fort in the living room for thirty minutes. The entire time was spent yelling after the sheets collapsed on them and laughter when they accidentally crashed into each other because they couldn’t see. In retrospect they should’ve used more than light from the TV and a lamp to do it.

When they’d finally finished the fort, got the coffee table moved, retrieved way too many pillows and blankets, and set their snacks out they finally got comfortable. They cuddled close and turned their focus to the TV.

Yoongi was in charge of picking what they watched since Kendall didn’t care much and he was clearly struggling. Kendall was going to offer some help but then his head turned to her and in a second his lips were on hers. Though shocked she returned the kiss, pressing even closer to keep it going.

A minute or so later Yoongi pulled away and smiled at her.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she said without hesitation.

For a little while they stared at each other and said nothing. They didn’t need to though. Basking in each other was enough for that moment.

Who knows how long it took before they looked away from each other, but when they did Kendall felt a flurry of butterflies in her stomach and everything seemed right with the world for once.

“Veronica Mars rewatch?” he asked.

Kendall nodded.

“Veronica Mars rewatch!” she screamed.

That made Yoongi laugh and shake his head, but he was already pressing play on the first episode of season one.

The day of the Grammys started much like the day of the brunch. Neither of them wanted to leave the bed, but they needed to start the day. Kendall had a thing or two to do before she got ready and since the boys were performing, they had to do a few more run-throughs.

It was tough, but they started their days on a high note and were ready to end it on that too. Yoongi came into practice focused and ready to get things done. He wanted things to go smoothly and for them to leave an impression. And with the set they were performing they were sure to do so.

Practice lasted for a few hours. It was briefly done in their own little room, but for most of it they were on the stage. It went well, though there were a few tweaks here and there as they looked back on what they did. Thankfully, nothing major was wrong and all of them were in the right state of health to go on.

When everything was done, they headed back to the house to shower, eat, and get ready. Since there were enough bathrooms for all of them there was no waiting, which Yoongi was eternally grateful for. He did not smell his best and his muscles were a little sore from use. Showering helped with that and gave him the time to breathe.

Once finished and dressed in loose clothing he went down to the kitchen to grab some of the food, which he devoured faster than usual. Which wasn’t good since it merely increased the tired feeling he’d been ignoring and hoping would go away. But he was in luck. They’d wrapped things up quickly enough that there was time for him to take a nap.

That isn’t what he did once his body hit the bed though. Sleep was on his mind, but it was quickly overshadowed by Kendall. He’d texted her earlier, but she hadn’t gotten back to him, which bothered him. And surprisingly it wasn’t because he was worried, but because he was being a pouty baby about being ignored. He debated blowing up her phone just to get on her nerves, but then remembered she had a lot to do and she was feeling extremely nervous about the night.

Yoongi understood that though, it was going to be nerve wracking. The boys were performing and up for an award. Which would be fine, but then Yoongi was also up for Producer of the Year Non-classical. He and Kendall were up for it together. If they were both separate entries it would be one thing, but they shared the possibility of winning and that made him want it more. He thought she deserved to win, and he wanted to win for himself.

At some point he got so in his head that he didn’t even realize he’d drifted off. It was like even in his sleep his mind was only focused on that. Which meant the nap helped, but his thoughts running meant that he didn’t get the full affect. When Hoseok shook him awake all he could do was groan and wish he was asleep again.

But alas he had to get his behind in gear. So, he downed some coffee and let the staff take over from there. His outfit was handed to him and he changed into it before coming back out for his hair and make-up to be done. It was going to be a simple look make-up wise and changed up a little for the performance. And his hair was styled over his forehead, but there was some waviness to it.

After two hours of everyone getting ready, they headed out again. Yoongi could feel his nerves ramp up and the energy in the car was also very uneasy. There was excitement too, but that just made things worse. And when they arrived, he felt like he was going to vomit. It took some deep breaths and a quick pep talk from Joon to get them all to normal levels of nervous.

With a calmer state of mind Yoongi stepped out of the car, only moving far enough so the others could get out too. The picture taking was almost immediate and Yoongi steeled him so as soon as he heard the first click. Once Namjoon was out he took the lead and led them inside and onto the carpet. They stopped for several photos and a few quick interviews, which were basically just the same questions over and over again.

It wasn’t until about five minutes into being on the carpet that something caught Yoongi’s interest. From the corner of his eye he saw a flash of purple enter the carpet and only pause for about thirty seconds before moving along. He knew who it was before his head even fully turned.

Kendall was in a long lilac dress that had two slits up to the middle of her thigh and a pair of white heels that she probably hated. Her hair was braided into a crown, which he knew took a while because of how thick it was, even when straightened.

She looked beyond beautiful and she was planning on walking right past them.

Never one for lingering long on carpets, Kendall merely glanced his way and winked before preparing to go on her merry way, but that wasn’t going down. Yoongi moved away from the boys, confusing their interviewer, and grasped her hand pulling her over to where they were despite heavy protest.

Once with the group again he smiled and acted as if he hadn’t thrown all of them off. And that smile grew wider when Kendall stopped objecting once in front of the camera. She was known to have no problem speaking her displeasure no matter the setting, but she also tried her best to keep her cool in those situations.

After recovering from the interruption, the interview continued as normal. There were a few questions thrown at Kendall, but she answered them with ease. And a few moments later they were being directed into the main room. That’s when she took the chance to lightly punch Yoongi in his arm.

“Jerk,” she mumbled.

He just laughed and allowed her to take the lead. They were all sitting together from what he’d seen earlier, which worked for him because he’d need his brothers and her by his side to get through the evening.

About twenty minutes after they got into their seats things started, and the focus went there. Cameras would be everywhere, and they would especially be on them, so there was the need to be present for the most part. He could lean over and whisper something in Kendall’s ear every so often to make her laugh, but besides that he had to keep it together.

About an hour in, staff came to grab the boys and Yoongi placed a quick kiss on Kendall's hand before going to get ready. The moment he got backstage it was hectic and his mind could only focus on being ready to go. They went through wardrobe, hair, and make-up within twenty minutes and then moved to their positions.

When the music started Yoongi felt his heart rate increase, but he tried to keep it down. It wasn’t even his turn yet. Jungkook was up first.

The boys had decided on using their performance as a moment to highlight their solo stuff and their group work. They’d all get about thirty seconds on their own set and that would shift seamlessly into the next one. Once that was over, they would come together for their newest title track, which reflected a lot more with old Bangtan music.

Yoongi was going to be the last to go and though he had newer music he had chosen Agust D to perform. When it was his turn he came out and performed with the charisma that he was known for. And then just where the verse should’ve kept going, he stopped and the whole place went black. When the lights came back up, he was in a formation with the others and he continued, the group song starting with a verse from him.

The crowd responded nicely to it and the energy in the place was crazy. Even when they finished their set, the applause finished, and he was back in his seat the adrenaline coursed through him. He was on a high.

That new energy fueled him and kept him grounded through the rest of the show. And then it died a little when they mentioned the category the boys were up for. He was sure they wouldn’t win it, but that didn’t stop him from hoping. And when he was proven right it didn’t bother him much. However, soon after it was time for the other award and his energy dipped even further.

Kendall suddenly gripped his hand tight in hers and turned her head to look at him. They had a brief moment and it was like without words they comforted each other. Both of them relaxed a little more, but their hands still gripped one another’s fiercely.

The nominees felt like they were being announced slower than the rest, but Yoongi kept his face cool. Cameras were definitely on them and he couldn’t let them try to gauge what he was feeling. But after what felt like an eternity, he felt his resolve slipping, only to hear their names being called as the winners. Shock hit him hard.

Yoongi stood immediately and was pulled into the embrace of the other boys, but his hand still never left Kendall’s. That’s when he noticed that she was still sitting and processing. After a few seconds she also stood and accepted the boy’s affections before they were led up to the stage.

Since he was clearly the more present of the two, he took the moment to speak.

“Whoa, I didn’t think we’d get this. I come into every award situation hoping but making sure that I don’t think I’m going to. It does not keep me from being a little disappointed when it doesn’t happen, much like earlier, but it makes it easier. But my goodness does this make up for it. Me and my brothers couldn’t win tonight as a team, but this win is for me and them as they have been with me throughout my journey as I grew as a producer. And of course, it’s for the lovely Kendall who has cemented herself as someone passionate about her craft and has been able to do what she loves for years now. Who has also helped me push to be better at what I do and pushes herself to do the same. Without any of them I wouldn’t be standing here thinking this award is going to vanish from my hands at any moment.”

Yoongi’s voice got a bit shaky towards the end, but he tried to play it off with laughter. By the time he was done Kendall had calmed herself and wiped free the stray tears. Yoongi stood back from the mic and let her talk.

“Thank goodness for Yoongi or I wouldn’t have had time to stall and pull it together. This is just so freaking cool and though it’s never been a goal or specific want of mine like it has been his I still am so grateful. I don’t ever think I’ll win or be awarded things, so it’s always the biggest shock in the world when I do. And I wouldn’t be here without having people believe in me achieving things like this. Without people not brushing me off and actually listening to what I have to say or show them. Without a mother who knocked sense into me when I thought pursuing multiple creative passions was a pipe dream. Or without friends who challenge me even when I think I’ve found what works best for me. Or without Yoongi, who is someone willing to take my bullshit and give it back tenfold. It really does take a village and I couldn’t be more thankful for mine. Thank you.”

At some point she’d reached her hand back to take Yoongi’s and once she finished her speech, he squeezed it tight. With that done there was another round of applause and they were taken backstage. They took a few photos and then the BigHit staff took the awards from them so they could finish out the night.

And if anyone thought they were clingy before; they hadn’t seen anything.

From the moment they got back to their seats - after a round of congratulations from everyone around them - they were inseparable. Even as they went through some exit interviews and made their way to an after party.

They were just so happy and so free of inhibitions that there were probably multiple videos of them a little drunk, singing and dancing along to the music a little aggressively. They also kept making out and had to be reminded they were in public.

But that didn’t matter much to them. They’d achieved a great thing, were in a wonderful place relationship wise, and simply happy in life. Not to mention so in love that it didn’t matter if they were being a mess and ended up circulating stan twitter for their antics. Their feelings are what mattered most.

And they felt on top of the world.

[rosyrosethings]

Harry doesn’t love Y/n anymore.

Okay so this is where Harry doesn’t love Y/n. He falls for someone else but then he realizes the person he left Y/n for was not worth it.

2k+ words

Y/n has been feeling like Harry has been distant and she didn’t like it. She’s been trying her best to hold on to whatever was there. But she thinks she held on too tight that whatever it was that was left of their love withered away. She tried to give him space because he’s been distant. by focusing on her work as an actress.

But Harry was always gone. He didn’t care what she did to try to bring back the love they once had. Leaving her at home by herself. Her anxiety getting worse and worse. She didn’t think Harry was cheating. She was just so scared that he’d leave her. Ever since Harry came back from tour. Things were so different. Harry would not let y/n cuddle him ‘too hot.” He’d say, even when it cold. He’d never listen when she tried to start conversation. He’d always busy himself with things.sxc

Nights and nights of this. Them not even talking to each other even though they’ve been together for 5 years. Y/n decided that she was gonna go out. With her friend Brianna. She needed some air she’s been feeling suffocated in this house especially since Harry was never here. Y/n texted Harry that she won’t be home tonight she’s gonna spend the night at Bri’s. He read it but didn’t even bother to reply. He always says he’s out working on the album or that he has ‘work to do.’ Y/n just continued to get ready to go out with her friend.

Y/n heard a horn honking. She knew it was Bri. She quickly left the empty home not wanting to be there without him. She got in the car with Bri.

“Are you ready to get wasted hun?” Bri asked excitedly. Y/n shrugged.

“Y/n I got you out the house to not think about him.” She said, Y/n sighed. “You’re right.” She mumbled. “Let’s go have fun.”

//

The club was fun. Y/n didn’t drink at all because all she could think about is going home to Harry. So she made Bri drop her off at her and Harry’s home. Which they left the club early because Y/n was just thinking about Harry the whole night. When Bri pulled up to Their driveway both of them noticed another car in the driveway.

“Who’s car is that?” Bri asked, y/n shrugged her shoulders.

“Maybe Harry has a friend over.”

“I’m gonna stay out here, text me when it’s okay to leave. I just have a bad feeling.” Bri said, putting her car in park on the side of the road. Y/n didn’t think it was necessary but she didn’t bother telling to her to leave. So y/n got out the car and walked in the house. Y/n heard laughing coming from the dining area. Y/n walked over to the dining room. Seeing A cute candle lit dinner and Harry with Kendall. Her presence stopped the laughter. Both of them were enjoying themselves.their hands were connected across the table. Kendall stopped laughing and looked up at Y/n. Causing Harry to turn around. To make eye contact with Y/n for the first time in a while.

“I’m sorry.. I’m just gonna get my stuff and go. Please continue like I never existed.” She said, with a quick pivot. Y/n threw her heels off and quick ran upstairs to get her stuff. She grabbed one of the bags of luggage out the closet. Pulling out all her clothes just throwing them in the case.

“Y/n can we talk?” She heard. She looked up. Surprisingly she wasn’t crying.

“Ohh now you wanna talk? Months and months of pushing me away and now you wanna talk to me?” She laughed, she didn’t even look at Harry. She just continued to stuffed clothes in her bag.

“If you’re just here to tell me. You don’t love me anymore. Wowww that’s a shocker it’s obvious. You don’t even spend time with me. It’s obvious someone else has your heart and after being with you for five years. It isn’t me anymore you love anymore .” She said, trying to zip up the suit case she over packed.

“I never cheated on you..” he said, looking down at his hand as he leaned against the doorway.

“You fucking liar. Being in love with someone else is emotional cheating. But after tonight you’re free of me so go head and fuck your new girlfriend. I know you want to. You haven’t touched me in months.”

“Y/n please I didn’t wanna hurt yo-“

“I dIDNt wANt tO hURt yOU.” Y/n said in her mimicking voice making a funny face. Harry didn’t say anything. He felt horrible but he didn’t love Y/n anymore. He wish he did but when he saw Kendall over tour he couldn’t help but say Hi to her. After that the rest was history. Kendall has been such a good friend to Harry. He didn’t mean to fall in love with her. But he did. It was killing him that he was hurting Y/n. He wasn’t in love with her anymore but he did still love her. Y/n was his best friend even before he started dating her.

Y/n pushed passed Harry and took her over packed suitcase down the stairs. Harry following behind her.

“I’d be back for the rest of my shit tomorrow!” She yelled slamming the door shut. She rolled her bag to Bri’s car.

“What happen?” Bri asked as Y/n opened the back door to the car stuffing her suitcase in as she decided she’d sit in the back seat. Because she was too frustrated to go in the front.

“He’s in love with fucking Kendall Jenner and so we broke up.”

“That fucking asshole!” Bri said, as she pulled out the driveway driving to her home.

“Well Y/n we are gonna go home and listen to my breakup playlist and get drunk asl and you are gonna realize you don’t need him.” Bri said, but y/n wasn’t really listening. She was heart broken. The love of her life just said he didn’t love her anymore. She was honestly kinda lost. She had a movie premiere to go to in a couple weeks and she planned on taking Harry with her. But she can’t when she goes alone the world would know that her and Harry broke up.

Once they made it to Brianna’s home. Y/n immediately went to Brianna’s liquor cabinet.

“Alexa play Lizzo truth hurts.”

//

After Y/n got drunk and Alexa started to play the breakup playlist. Y/N and Brianna started to upload videos of them to their Instagram story. Lip syncing to all of the break up hits. From lizzo truth hurts, Ariana Grande boyfriend, to Whitney Houston I will always love you. Y/n knew the way she was singing in that video you could obviously tell that Y/n was single. But she didn’t care. She was so heartbroken that she couldn’t even cry but it did hit her. When she woke up in the middle of night to lay her head on Harry’s chest. But she looked around and realized she was in bed with Brianna and Harry wasn’t there. That’s when she cried until she fell alseep. She tried to get sleep because she had an PR interview for the movie tomorrow with Luke. She didn’t wanna show up looking tired and horrible.

But soon morning arrived and Y/n couldn’t help but feel like shit. Her eyes were swollen but luckily her makeup-artist helped with that on the set of interviews for the movie. Y/n finally had a free moment on set to check her phone and notifications were blowing up. Articles with the titles ‘DID Y/N AND HARRY BREAKUP?!’ Or ‘HARRY STYLES SINGLE?’ And texts from friends and family. Asking is she okay.

“Wow Y/n you look beautiful as always.” Luke said, causing Y/n to look up from her phone to see him there. Blonde curly hair and blue eyes. Cheeks freshly pink. Y/n always thought He was so cute. He was such a good friend to her also. Y/n sent him a small smile.

“And you look adorable as always.” She responded,

“What’s wrong?” He whispered to her. He could tell she was off. Usually Y/n would continue the conversation with Luke. Telling him how cute he would be if he grew his hair out or just asking him anything else to keep the conversation going. But he could also see in her eyes. That she was sad.

“How’d ya know I’m upset?”

“Hmm ya know filming with you for a six months and spending a lot of time with you. Soo when you think about it yYou’re kinda like my best friend. Soo i know when something wrongs with my best friend.” Y/n could help but crack a genuine smile at his response.

“Me and Harry broke up.” She said, Luke frowned at her. She knew she must have been sad. They were together for like 5 years.

“The worst part is. Our 6 year anniversary is in a few months and i already got his gift and I can’t return it.” She said, he knew she was going to cry. He could see it in her eyes.

“Hey how about we spend some time together me, you and Brianna? We could have a fun night and help you forget about him.. and I’d let you do my makeup.” He said, he whispered the last part. Her eyes lit up. She asked Luke thousands of times to do his makeup to see what he looks like as a girl because he was so adorable y/n thought he would be a really cute girl. He’d would always say no.

“Ohh my gosh yess! Sounds amazing to me!”

“Okay guys interview in 5. Get in your seats.” Y/n and Luke obliged to the command by the set coordinator. Soon the interviews started. Multiple different interviews all basically asking the same questions. Until they got to one of them interviewers names Rachel.

“So Y/n is it true that you’re single?” The question shocked Y/n she literally just broke up with Harry yesterday. Y/n didn’t say anything.

“I don’t understand how’s that relevant. Either way single or not. I’m not gonna stop trying to be her next and last boyfriend.” Luke answered. Making Y/n smile. She whispered over to him thank you.

//

Soon days turned to weeks and weeks turned into months. The media soon found out Y/n and Harry broke up. It was now public that Harry was dating Kendall and That Y/n and Luke were dating each other. Even though they haven’t made things official. They both liked each other. Y/n was starting to be happy again. Even though she did still love Harry and she pretty sure she’d never stop. She’s starting to get a point where she’s happy if he’s happy. Today was the day that she was talking the rest of her stuff to her Brianna house from Harry.

Harry on the other hand has not been taking the break up too well. When Y/n left at first he okay. Kinda hurt but not too hurt because he thought he was in love with someone else. But after the first two weeks of being with Kendall he realized it was all a mistake. The smallest things would make him miss Y/n the most. When it lasted and Harry wants to talk Y/n would listen. Kendall would tell Harry to go back to sleep. Y/n loved kissing all over Harry showing him affection no matter where they are. He’d get lucky if Kendall decides to hold his hand. Harry didn’t want her and not to mention the sex. Y/n was 100 times better than Kendall. Every time they had sex he’d always think of Y/n to make himself cum. As they were sitting there cuddling. Harry was thinking how he made a big mistake. Kendall laying on his chest as he scrolled through his phone. The tv was on. Showing reruns of a celebrity gossip show that Kendall was watching.

“So Y/n, is it true your single?” The reporter asked, he quickly looked at the screen seeing Y/n there with Luke sitting in separate chairs but close to each other y/n didn’t seem like she wanted to ask the question. Why would they ask her that?

“I don’t understand how’s that relevant. Either way single or not. I’m not gonna stop trying to be her next and last boyfriend.” Like responded as Y/n face lit up. Harry couldn’t help but feel jealous. Even though this was old. He felt that Luke was trying to get at his Y/n.

“Ohh so you have a little crush on Y/n?” The reporter ask.

“A little?” He laughed, “she’s so amazing and so good at her job. It’s just an absolute honor just to be next to her. She’s an fantastic person and friend and anyone who doesn’t realize that is dumb.” Luke said, not even looking at the reporter. He was looking directly at Y/n. Y/n leaned over and kissed his cheek. Harry quickly took the remote and changed the channel.

“Why’d you do that?” Kendall asked, sitting up looking at him. He shrrugged his shoulders.

“Harry what’s wrong?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re off. Lately you don’t seem too happy with me and I can see you’re getting jealous because another guy admitted he has feelings your ex girlfriend. That you left.”

“I was with her for 5 years. What do you want me to say?” He responded.

“Harry you left her to be able to be with me. You told me you’re not in love with her anymore, Do you even love me?”

“Y/n you know I love you.”

“Y/n?” She laughed, “did you just call me Y/n!” She said, getting up from the couch. Harry was shocked. He didn’t mean to to say Y/N’s name but he does love Y/n.

“Gosh Harry you guys broke up months ago you left her! You shouldn’t even be thinking about her.”

“I’m sorry Kendall.. I just don’t wanna be with you anymore. It was a mistake. ”

“A mistake?! A fucking mistake? You told me we can be together. You told me me all these things how you loved me and you still love her? Do you think she’s gonna take you back?! Do you think she’s gonna come through that door?” Kendall yelled at Harry. Followed by a knock on the door. Causing Kendall to look over at the door. Frustrated Kendall went to the door swinging it open. Revealing Y/n

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Kendall said, Y/n scrunched her face at her greeting.

“I just came to get the last of my stuff.” Y/n said, stepping inside while holding a huge box full of stuff. “I’m leaving.” Kendall announced as she walk she grabbed her keys and purse and walked out the house closing the door behind her.

“I hope everything’s okay.” Y/n said looking over at Harry. Harry sighed and stared at the beauty in front of him. He missed her so much.

“Yea.. everything fine. What’s in the box?” He asked, getting up as he took the box from Y/n. Placing on the table.

“Ya know stuff i made a mistake and took when you dumped me.” She smiled, Harry looked at her. “Must you make things awkward?” He asked.

“Ya know it’s one of my many talents.” She smiled as Harry opens the box. Y/n pulled out the few shirts in the box.

“These are all your favorite T-shirt that i took purposely when we broke up so you’d look for them you’d never be able to find them.” She pulled out the shirts and placed them down. “Here are all you’re old vintage one of a kind records.”

“I was looking for those! Y/n how could you?”

“Do you think i wanna gonna just go and let you be happy? While i sit around and cry over you. You needed some kind of pain.” She said, “wow Y/n. This really hurt my heart.” He said, Harry looked over at her.

“Y/n I’m really sorry for how i handled things.” He said,

“It’s okay Harry. You felt trapped and you didn’t love me anymore and if you want the honest answer. I’m not over you but I’m happy as long as you are.” She said, she reached up to kiss his cheek. She walked around the back room where they kept all storage of things. Grabbing her last couple boxes of stuff walking back to the door.

“I’ve made a mistake.” Harry said, y/n set the boxes down and walked over to Harry.

“Harry I’m pretty sure whatever you and Kendall got to arguing over she would get over I’m pretty sure she’d get over it.” Y/n said as she approached him.

“I’m not talking about that. It’s you. I shouldn’t have left you. When I felt lost.. i shouldn’t have shut you out. I miss you.” He said to Y/n, Y/n was confused . She was planning on coming here telling Harry they could be friends not for him to tell her she misses him.

“Harry I-.” She started but interrupted by a knock on the door. Harry looked over the door and walked over and opens it. Revealing Luke.

“Hey Y/n I just wanted to make sure everything is okay you’ve been in here for a while.” Luke said to Y/n not even bothering to greet Harry.

“Ohh yea me and Harry were just catching up. Harry you remember Luke. He brought me over to get my stuff today.” Y/n said with a half smile. Then she picked up the boxes. “Okay Harry I have to go. We can talk another time.”

[maylovexhs]

MEET ME IN THE HALLWAY - TWO GHOSTS PART 3

Author’s Note: THIS IS PART 3 TO TWO GHOSTS. I’m debating if I should end it here or finish it all with part 4. Send me a message or an ask if you’re interested in part 4. As always, I hope you enjoy this part. xxx, M.

This Part: Y/N makes her decision about Harry.

Two Ghosts(Part 1)

Ever Since New York(Part 2)

Masterlist

“This poor man is massaging himself!”

I sat at the end of the table, watching Harry rub his eyebrows with his fingers from afar. I squinted at him, smiling as I observed him closely.

If two people really loved each other, they could get over anything. That is what my dad said. As wise as my dad could be at times, I found his advice for Harry and me troubling. It was genuinely good advice but there was a problem. I didn’t know if Harry really loved me. He told me countless of times before he loved me but I didn’t know how much he loved me. Did he love me more than enough to want to actuallybe with me or was I just some girl he wanted by his side so he could feel better about himself?

I watched Harry talk to his friend across the table. Harry’s dimples peaked out of his cheeks as he laughed with his friend. I looked down at my plate, biting my bottom lip. I didn’t feel like he loved me. Compared to everyone else in his life, I didn’t feel like I was that important to him. Despite having dinner with his friends who I was introduced to a long time ago, I didn’t feel like I belonged. I felt Harry and I didn’t belong together.

“So, Y/N, when is Harry releasing new music?” I heard Cara ask me.

I looked up to her, not hearing her say anything besides my name.

“What?” I asked her.

“Harry’s music” Cara said. “I would ask Harry about it but he’s always been secretive about his plans”

“Oh, he definitely is” I told her. “I always feel like the last to know anything”

“Really?” Cara asked me. “He hasn’t told you anything yet?”

I looked to Harry who was still in deep conversation with his friend. I looked back to Cara.

“I need the bathroom” I said, standing up from the table. “I’ll be right back”

I walked away from the table and to the bathroom. I entered the room, searching and finding an empty stall at the end. I went in and closed the stall, locking it. I stood back against the stall’s wall. I buried my face in my hands.

Why was I here? Why was I wasting my time with people I didn’t belong with? They all make me feel exhausted. Harry, most of all.

I removed my hands from my face. I looked up at bathroom’s ceiling. The fluorescent light shined in my eyes. They were blinding. I looked down, staring at the dirty tiles.

What was the point of being with Harry anymore? Ever since Niall told me about Kendall, I couldn’t think of one reason why I should stay with Harry. Yes, Harry did make me happy in ways I never I thought I could be but that was before I found out the truth. After I found out, things just . . . changed.  

I still loved Harry. I did, so much that sometimes I felt consumed by it. But after finding out what actually happened between Kendall and him, I began to think maybe I was better off without him. There had to be a reason why I felt like I didn’t belong with him anymore and maybe this was why. Maybe we were better off with other people. If I wasn’t that important to Harry, then I deserved someone else who saw me and treated me as such. I deserved someone who I can stare at and wouldn’t have the image of them kissing another person pop into my head. I deserved a superhero or anyone who at least treated me better than Harry. And if Harry did love me more than I did think, then he had to prove it to me. 

Maybe my dad was right. Maybe if two people loved each other, they could get past anything. Maybe if both people loved each other enough to make an effort to keep their relationship alive. I wanted to keep my relationship with Harry’s alive but I didn’t know if I was willing to make more of an effort to keep it going. I alreadly felt I was doing more than enough. More than enough that I felt consumed by it. I just didn’t know if Harry was willing to make an effort too. More importantly, if I should give him the chance to. 

I looked back up at the light. I squinted as I stared up.

I deserved better. I deserved better and Harry wasn’t going to give it to me. He wasn’t and I couldn’t deny it anymore. I had to leave him. I had to leave him before I would end up more hurt. I had to break up with him.

. . .

“Jeff isn’t coming” Harry said, speaking into his phone. “He texted me during dinner saying he couldn’t make it”

I pouted my lips, watching the numbers change as the elevator went up. I looked down, crossing my arms. I tapped my foot against the floor, counting down the seconds until the elevator doors opened. I looked back up, checking which floor we passed.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked, touching my arm.

I stepped away from Harry, nearly jumping when I felt his hand on me.

“Yeah, yeah” I lied. “Just overtired. Long day”

I let out a sigh of relief when the elevator doors opened. I quickly walked out the elevator and into the entrance hallway of the apartment. I slipped out of my heels, too bothered to set them on the shoe rack. I noticed Harry stand still, watching me as I stripped out of my jacket.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’re not tired” Harry said. “You’re nervous. There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”

I stood still in the middle of the hallway, afraid to answer him.

I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t even know if I could. Ever since I left the bathroom earlier, I felt somewhat guilty about my choice to break up with Harry. I loved Harry with all of my heart and would never dream of leaving him but I had no choice anymore. What I had with him became unhealthy. Unhealthy to the point I couldn’t stand his touch. I knew I had to become better and breaking up with Harry seemed the only way possible. I owed it to myself to get better even if it meant cutting the person I love out of my life. I only worried if I was able to get better. I didn’t want to risk losing my relationship with Harry if I didn’t get better in the end. I didn’t know if it would be all worth it in the end. 

“Y/N?” Harry asked, stepping closer to me. “Are you okay? Is there something bothering you you don’t want to tell me about? Love, you can tell me anything”

Harry placed his hand on my arm. I stepped back away from him, taking his hand of me. Harry frowned, realizing this was about him.

“Oh,” Harry said in a disappointing tone. “You’re still upset with me”

I nodded at him, feeling tears form in my eyes and my throat beginning to choke up.

“Be honest with me, H” I told him, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. “Why did you come back to me after you and Kendall broke up? You forgot about me after that night and went back to her. Why did you come back to me after and please don’t lie, H, please. Because if you do because you think you’re protecting me from getting hurt, I’m already in pain. . . I don’t want to get hurt anymore, so please, just be honest Harry, please”

Harry opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it before he said something. He looked to me, not knowing what to say. I looked down, biting my lip as more tears came out.

“Nevermind” I said. “I already know-“

“I was hurt” Harry said.

I looked up to him, seeing his eyes were watering up.

“I was hurt” Harry repeated. “Hurt by Kendall. I felt alone when she left me and I was hurting. I felt like I had no one after she left so I came back to you. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you-“

“I was a rebound to you” I told him. “I was just some girl who you wanted to use to make you hap-“

“You’re more than a rebound, Y/N” Harry said, stepping closer to me and holding me by my wrists. “I love you and you’re everything to me now. I don’t know what I would do without you, baby”

I buried my face in my hands. My worst nightmare became true. I was a toy. I was a toy to Harry.

I removed my hands from my face. I took Harry’s hands off me.

“I need space” I said, stepping away from him. “You gotta give me some space”

I walked past him, pushing my hair back from my face as I tried to calm down. I wiped my tears off my cheeks as I continued to cry.

I knew it was too good to be true. My whole relationship seemed too sudden since the beginning. He came back to me because she left him. If she didn’t leave him, we wouldn’t be dating. I was only of use to Harry when she wasn’t around. It all made sense now. Why Niall was confused when I told him I was dating Harry. Why I didn’t belong in with Harry’s friends. Anne and Gemma probably liked Kendall more than they like me now. I never belonged with Harry. I belonged to him in his eyes.

“Y/N,” Harry called my name. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You have to know that”

I turned around to him. His cheeks were puffy. He was crying too.

“It doesn’t matter, H” I said to him. “I’m already hurt. You lied and used me. You weren’t ever interested me. I was just another girl”

“No, no, no” Harry said, walking over to me. “I love you. You were never another girl to me. You aren’t to me”

I shook my head at him.

“I can’t do this anymore” I told him. “I can’t stay with you when all I am reminded of is her. I can’t H-“

Harry wrapped his arms around my body, hugging me tightly. He held onto to me, clinging like he knew this was going to be the last time he saw me.

“I know I hurt you” Harry said into my ear. “I know I can’t fix what I did but I swear I would never hurt you again if you give me a-“

“I don’t know you I am, H” I said. “I don’t know who I am with you. I don’t know who you are”

Harry slowly pulled away from me, leaving his hands on my waist though.

“I don’t know who you are anymore” I told him. “And I don’t know who I am anymore. I need to find out who I am first”

Harry looked into my eyes. He forced himself to smile at me. He understood what I meant. Harry removed his hands from my waist. 

“Can you stay tonight?” Harry asked me. “Just for one more night?”

I looked to the side, unsure of what to do.

“Please” Harry said. 

I looked to him.

“Please” Harry begged.

Our last night together. The last time he would ever see me and I, him. We both needed to let go of each other. We both needed to say goodbye.

I nodded my head at him.

“Okay” I told him. “Alright”

Harry hugged me again, nuzzling his head into my neck. I slowly wrapped my arms around him.

One more night. Our last night.

[marshmallow-phd]

Innocent Intentions

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Tao x Reader

Summary: There was one thing you couldn’t stand in all your years at college: playboys. And the campus was riddled with them. So when Tao - a player with a particularly well-known reputation - inserts himself into your life, you come up with a plan to get rid of him, whether he makes your heart race or not. But the more he’s the around, the more you just might find there’s a hidden layer underneath all the rumors, including a secret you never could have guessed….

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

**

“Honey? (y/n), honey, are you feeling any better?

You groaned, flipping over to your stomach to bury your face in the musky smelling pillow. The scent filled your nose and you smiled happily to yourself. Cold fingers brushed up against your forehead, making you shiver. Reluctantly, you peeled open your eyes to see your mom hovering over you from the back of the couch.

“Hey, there, sleepyhead,” she giggled at you.

With another groan, you pushed yourself up to a sitting position. Did you dream that whole thing with Tao?

No. The bowl of soup was still sitting on the coffee table and your brain was connecting the smell left behind on the fabric of your pillow to the scent that you’d picked up on Tao’s shirt. Where the hell did he go?

“I’m glad you finally got some sleep,” your mom stated as she started for the kitchen. “Do you want me to warm this broth up for you?”

“No, that’s okay,” you said loudly before a yawn stretched out your face.

The fact that your mother wasn’t questioning another person being in her house while she was gone must have meant that Tao left before she arrived. But did he leave because she came home? Or was it because you falling asleep with your arms wrapped around him was already making him uneasy? You snorted to yourself. If it was the latter, then this whole “scaring him away” tactic might be easier than you thought.

However, you were going to have to be careful. You fell asleep too easily in his arms. Sure, it could be blamed on the fact that you were sick and your body was already exhausted so that sleep was inevitable, but you’d been trying to sleep all day and nothing – not even the strong cold medicine – had knocked you out. The way your head just seemed to fit so comfortably against his chest… admittedly, it scared you a bit. You liked it too much.

You’ll be happy when he’s out of your hair, you told yourself. Your life was perfectly fine before you’d ever heard the name “Tao” and it would be perfectly fine after he was long gone.

But a nagging feeling still pulled at your stomach, so you did what came naturally to you once you came to a dilemma, and turned to your mother for help.

When you shuffled into the kitchen – hesitating almost as if you didn’t want her to spot you – your mother was getting started on dinner for her and your father, the broth sitting in a plastic container off to the side and away from the heat.

“Did you change your mind about the soup?” your mother asked as you sat down at the kitchen island.

You shook your head. “No, I’m okay for right now.” After that, you didn’t elaborate, instead swirling your finger around on the shiny, smooth granite, drawing nonsensical pictures out of the different colors.

Knife in hand, your mother set up her chopping board and began to dice the tomatoes and peppers laying off to her left. “Is something bothering you, sweetie?”

Darn that motherly intuition.

“No,” you replied automatically. But that was dumb and counter-intuitive to your object. “Actually, yeah….”

Your mother snickered at your hesitancy. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You blew a raspberry before finally giving in. “Yeah, kind of. I guess….” But there you went, stopping yourself again. Whimpering, you let your head fall down to the counter with a muffled thump.

“Oh goodness,” your mother laughed. “This must be serious. I haven’t seen you this flustered since you found out you had to kiss Devon Trinket in that school play.”

At the mention of your high school theater days, you snapped your head up, eyes narrowed at her for daring to bring that up.

Drama was just supposed to be a fun extracurricular activity that didn’t involve sports in any way. And you enjoyed it, whether you were behind the scenes or on the stage. But the fact that your first kiss had to be fake and on display for the audience to see had been mortifying. Up until that opening night, you’d come up with every excuse to not have to kiss him – from a cold sore to a particularly smelly lunch – but the inevitable could not be avoided forever. To this day, you cringed at how unromantic and awkward it had been. There was supposed to be a silent pact within the family to never mention it again, but apparently your mother had forgotten that.

“What’s on your mind, sweetie?” your mother asked in a more serious tone.

“Well-” How the hell were you supposed to explain this? “There’s this guy….”

Your mother’s eyebrows jumped right up to her hairline. “A guy?” She teasingly felt your forehead. “Wow, you must be sick.”

“Stop,” you whined as you pushed her hand away. “I’m being serious.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she sighed as she patted your head. Even as you were about to graduate college, she still treated you like her little girl, teasing and affectionate gestures and all. “So, is this a guy you have feelings for?”

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” you countered quickly. “But… he did say that he likes me. Very bluntly, actually.” That had certainly never happened to you before. There was an incident where one of you classmates in your second year of high school had slid you a note, but since you didn’t feel the same way, you took the awkward way out and just pretended that it never happened. He never said anything to you again about it either, so it was probably for the best.

“And you’re not sure that you like him back?”

You shook your head. “I don’t. I know I don’t like him. Or… at least, I don’t think I do. I don’t know him well enough. But I do know that he’s a total player. Like, his reputation is infamous on campus.”

“And so you don’t know if he was being sincere when he told you?”

You nodded. “I mean, it seemed sincere, but I don’t know how good of an actor this guy is. I could just be another notch in his belt and I refuse to allow myself to become a laughing stock.”

With sympathetic eyes, your mother smiled at you. Unfortunately, that look didn’t seem to be meant for you. “I’m not going to say that a guy can meet a girl and just magically change. I will never say that… but, you are very special, love, with a warm heart. It’s possible that – while not completely changed – he might have genuine feelings for you.”

“So you want me to just dive head first into this thing?” you exclaimed.

“No, no,” your mother chuckled. “I’m saying don’t completely dismiss him. Keep him at arm’s length, but maybe also give him a chance to try. You might be surprised. Guard your heart, but let him show you his. If he ends up not being genuine, then you do what you do best – pick yourself up, brush it off, and hold your head high.”

You let out a long sihg, taking in every word.

She had a point. She had several points, actually. And – at a base level, at least – she was basically telling you to do what you’d already decided on.

Okay, so the whole you kind of overdoing it and making him feel trapped in a committed relationship until he ran for the hills thing didn’t exactly line up with what your mother was saying, but still. She was telling you to let him try. So, you would. But there was no way in hell Kendall was to find out about this. At all. Even if you tried to explain that you weren’t really seeing Tao like that, she’d explode. Her feelings were hurt easily whether she pretended to be over something or not and in the long run, you’d rather have your friend than a boyfriend who’d just leave anyway.

As you slipped off the stool and gave your mother a hug, your mind was swirling in every direction. For now, you decided it was best to not dwell on it in your current sickly state. Trudging back to the living room to maybe try and go back to sleep, you couldn’t help but think about how sweet Tao had been towards you. Being babied and fussed over was something you hated and yet, you let him do exactly that. And you kind of liked it. Even now, the thought of him holding you while you drifted off to sleep was making your cheeks warm.

You were absolutely losing it.

**

You were not the least bit surprised when you walked into the lab and saw Tao’s name scribbled in for your entire session for the day. What did surprise you, however, was the fact that he was early, already sitting at the table, book cracked open and eyes scanning the page. Or at least, he was making it look like he was reading the book. You couldn’t be too entirely sure whether he was really studying or not.

Whoa. You took a metaphorical step back. Was that too harsh? Thinking that he most likely was just pretending to be looking over the textbook instead of actually reading it? Did you already have that bad of an impression of him?

To be honest, Tao didn’t seem as lost as the other students you’d helped in the past. From what you experienced during your last session, after you explained it once at a slower pace than the teacher normally would, he seemed to understand and you moved on to the next section. Was he-

Shaking your head, you started towards the table. Whatever. He could do what he wanted. You got a small check from it anyway.

“Are you feeling better?” Tao asked in a warm voice as you sat down next to him.

You nodded, keeping your eyes down as you pulled the textbook closer to you. “Yeah, much better.”

“Good.”

Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, you fought against the urge to smile. Tao’s voice conveyed a relief at your acknowledgement of getting over whatever ailment you had as if you’d just gone through a major surgery without any hiccups. It was just the flu. And he was the one who ditched you while you were sleeping.

“Why did you leave without waking me up?” you snapped, a little more forceful than you’d anticipated it being. You weren’t hurt that he didn’t say goodbye… not at all! It definitely wasn’t something you found yourself stewing over throughout the weekend.

Indifferent, (y/n). You’re supposed to be indifferent.

“I didn’t think that’d be the best way for me to meet your mom,” Tao smirked.

You let out a fake laugh. “Are you insinuating that at some point you’ll be meeting my parents?”

He shrugged. “It’s bound to happen at some point, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” you scoffed. He would never get that far. Right? “Okay, homework time.”

“That’s right,” Tao shifted his chair so he was angled more towards you, “you’re stuck with me for the next three hours.”

A triumphant smile flashed across your face. “Actually, our session’s being cut in half today. I have to leave before three.”

Tao’s face fell, a strangely cute pout forming on his lips. “What? Why?”

“Since I was sick last Friday, I’m picking up a few extra hours at the shelter,” you explained. When he huffed at the statement, you rolled your eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ve already signed up for my entire slot on Friday.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “I haven’t decided yet.”

Now it was your turn to be confused. “Wait. What?”

Chuckling, Tao leaned in close to you. “Gonna miss me if I decide to skip?”

With a single index finger against his forehead, you pushed Tao back until he was out of your bubble again. “No, not really. In fact, I think it’ll be kind of nice.”

Grumbling under his breath, Tao turned to the textbook and started reading aloud. You pressed your lips together tightly to keep from laughing. This constant push-pull, rile each other up contest going on between the two of you was becoming a little too much fun. Tao’s reactions to your rejects and dodges were the best entertainment you’d come across in a long while.

For the next hour and a half, the focus remained on the homework that Tao was supposedly struggling with. As time went on, Tao didn’t seem to be putting in much effort into pretending he didn’t get it. In fact, at one point, you found a problem that was done so perfectly that you’d just assumed it was done wrong and ended up with an incorrect answer yourself. Tao grinned brightly, but if any sarcastic remarks were bouncing around in his head, he kept them to himself.

It was strange, how much you were actually hating the fact that the minutes clicked closer to the time you needed to leave. This was definitely a side of Tao that you enjoyed. With him being… normal, not flirty or overly caring or snarky. Just being himself.

Or what you hoped was himself.

“Tao? What the hell are you doing in here?”

Both of your heads jerked up at the intrusion, Tao’s face remaining stoic and uninterested while your own pinched in confusion.

A very tall, leggy, super-model-type girl who you vaguely recognized as one of the volleyball players was standing on the other side of the table, hand on her jetted-out hip. There seemed to be an air of superiority radiating from her, but more than likely that was you and your ill-conceived prejudices projecting it on her. For all you know, she was probably a very nice person. However, you kind of wanted her to go away.

“What do you mean, Anica?” Tao asked. His voice was lower than normal, almost growl-like. “I’m here to get a better understanding of my mathematics lesson.”

“Since when do you need help with math?” the volleyball player named Anica snapped back. “You aced every test last semester even after spending the entire night with me.” A feline-like smile curved up one of the corners of her lips as she leaned in extra close to Tao as if you were completely invisible. “Speaking of which, I kind of miss those nights. And it’s not volleyball season anymore, so I’m free any time.”

Tao seemed completely unfazed. “Not interested.”

Anica straightened up with a huff. Her eyes zeroed in on the lack of space between you and Tao. “So, what? You’re sinking this low now? Whatever.” She turned her icy stare towards you. “Have fun screwing Tao. Just don’t expect much once he drops you. Poor thing gets bored very easily.”

Tao’s chair nearly flung across the room as he jumped up to his feet, a strange growl rumbling in his chest. Anica blinked, a little bit of fear in her eyes, but not as much as you conveyed. You wouldn’t even had thought it possible for Tao to explode like that. While her words certainly cut deep, there was no faliable reason for Tao react in this way. Anica rolled her eyes before walking away.

You wasted no time gathering up your notebook and papers, shoving them into your bag and rising to your own feet. You didn’t want to be here anymore. Not even looking at Tao, you started for the door.

“(y/n), wait!”

Tao caught up to you, blocking your way to freedom from this embarrassing scene. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the other students sneaking glances at the piece of entertainment happening in their vicinity.

“Move,” you ordered through clenched teeth. “I have to get to the shelter. I’m going to be late.”

“Listen to me first-”

But you had no intentions of listening to whatever nonsense he was about to spout out. You managed to squeeze through the space between Tao and the door frame, out into the hallway where you were practically running across the tile.

Tao didn’t catch up to you until you jumped into your car, roaring the engine to life. He slapped his hand against the window, calling out your name repeatedly. He just wouldn’t give up, would he?

You sped off, tires squealing and vehicle vibrating as you headed out of the parking lot, probably cutting off a few other motorists who really had the right-of-way. When you reached the shelter, you killed the engine and fell back into your seat, releasing all the tension that you’d been storing in your muscles with a heavy sigh. What Anica said really shouldn’t be bothering you like this. But it just made the whole ordeal with Tao even more confusing.

Why had he honed in on you? You weren’t anything like any of the girls he’d supposedly been with in the past. Hell, you weren’t even like Kendall. So why did he target you? If this was really some game, then you just wanted him to stop. You wanted him to go away. Because keeping him at arm’s length, staying guarded and not giving in trusting him completely was becoming too hard.

You just didn’t know how to handle something like this. You weren’t equipped with the tools to navigate this sort of board game; you were hardly good at checkers and so far this felt like the world championship of chess that you were just thrown into as a last minute replacement. All the pieces were in Tao’s hands and you had no idea what your next move should be. Running away seemed like your only option. Being done with the whole seemed to be the only way to save yourself.

Letting out another sigh, you took the keys out of the ignition and willed yourself to out of the car.

“So, are you ready to listen now?”

“Shit!” You jumped at the sound of Tao’s voice coming from behind you.

He was leaning against the hood of a red convertible that definitely didn’t belong to any of the employees inside the shelter. Why were you not surprised at his car of choice?

Out of pure instinct, you looked around the parking lot, knowing full well where he came from, but still stunned at his presence. “Did you seriously follow me all the way here?”

“Yes,” Tao stated before pushing off the hood and stalking up to you. “Because you need to know that Anica is full of crap. Did we hook up once or twice? Yes, but that has nothing to do with us now.”

“Us?” you scoffed. “Tao, there is no us. I was tutoring you in math, but you obviously don’t need the help. If you keep insisting that you need help, then I know several other tutors in the math lab that have open slots.” Not wanting to hear any sort of response, you turned on the balls of your feet and headed for the entrance. But Tao stopped you with a hand around your upper arm, whirling you back around.

“Whatever happened to giving me a chance to prove to you that I’m telling the truth?”

Teeth clenched and fists balled at your side, you snapped, “I’m done playing whatever kind of game you have going on, whatever fake intentions you have. There are plenty of other women on campus who will gladly take you back, go to one of them!”

“I’m not playing a game! My intentions are sincere!” But even at his own insistence, he let you go, telling you that maybe he wasn’t as in this as he was expressing in the moment. Until he passed you and walked right up to the shelter’s front doors.

Now it was your turn to stop him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you’re doing?”

He smirked at you, leaning in close with his gaze steadily on yours. “Proving it.”

And then he just swung the door open and marched right on in. At least he waited for you in the hallway instead of waltzing in to a random classroom. He stayed close on your heels, not letting you get too far away. Fine. There wasn’t too much you could do about the situation, anyway.

When you walked into the room with Mrs. Choi and your favorite kids, you waited for the possible fallout of your unannounced visitor. Mrs. Choi was picky about the volunteers who worked in the shelter. She wanted to make sure they’d be good influences on the kids, leading them down productive paths and bettering themselves outside of their circumstances.

“Well, I don’t believe it,” Mrs. Choi gasped.

You cringed. “Mrs. Choi, I am so sorry-”

But she walked right on past you to Tao, throwing her arms around him and rocking him back and forth happily.

“Tao, you’ve grown up so much!” she chuckled. Pulling back, she kept her hands on his shoulders, staring up at him with pride-filled eyes. “Why haven’t you come to visit sooner?”

You stared at the two of them slack-jawed. This was so not happening right now.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged shyly. “I went traveling for a bit, came back to finish school.”

“Well, at least you’ve finally came to say hi.” Mrs. Choi turned to you. “Do the two of you know each other?”

“(y/n)’s been helping me with homework,” Tao loosely explained.

Mrs. Choi was smiling more than you’d ever seen her do so before. “Oh, how nice! You are welcome to stay as long as you want. None of these kids were here when you last came by, but feel free to introduce yourself. And don’t be a stranger!” She looked to you. “(y/n), the kids are working on their multiplication tables if you want to go around and check their work.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you mumbled, walking off in a daze. Tao followed you and the children seemed to light up at the new potential. They were fascinated by the blonde stranger who would crouch down to their level and genuinely listen to them as they rattled on their cute stories.

At one point, you were so engrossed in trying to explain how to find the multiples of nine on their fingers to a table of very excited and talkative children that you didn’t notice at first when Tao had walked away. It wasn’t until Tony kept looking over your shoulder at something that you noticed the absence.

Following Tony’s gaze, you gasped quietly. Tao was off in the corner of the room, slowly walking up to Daeyoung. You watched with anxiety-ridden nerves as he approached the boy, crouching down and waving.

Daeyoung ignored him at first, keeping his focus on the crayon on his hand as he drew random shapes on the construction paper. Instead of forcing a conversation, however, Tao simply picked up another crayon and started drawing on his own piece of paper. A few minutes went by of just the two of them coloring in their own separate worlds until Daeyoung picked up a pink crayon and handed it to Tao without a word. Tao thanked him and went on coloring.

Then Daeyoung pointed towards the door that lead to the playground outside. No one else was out there since recess time was long over and it would be another hour or so before free time started. Taking Daeyoung’s hand, Tao led him through the door. You jumped up and ran after them. Daeyoung was a delicate child and you were worried that he might go into one of his fits if Tao wasn’t careful. But as you leaned against the door frame, you stared in awe as Tao simply helped Daeyoung onto the swing and gently pushed from behind.

Fifteen or twenty minutes went by with you just standing there, watching the two of them play on the swing, Daeyoung even letting out a few giggles that you hadn’t heard before.

Mrs. Choi came up behind you and whispered, “He was always good with the kids who had special needs.” At your questioning look, she explained, “He used to volunteer here several years ago, when he was in high school. I think his older brothers wanted him to stay out of trouble. But I don’t think that boy could really get into anything bad. He’s too soft. His heart is too warm. He was always a little guarded, but it's nice to see him smile like that.”

“He has a nice smile,” you admitted a little shamefully.

“He’s a nice boy.”

There was no missing Mrs. Choi’s indication behind her words, but she walked away before you could reply. Perhaps… well, maybe she had a point. Seeing this side of Tao was throwing you off. When he declared that he’d prove to you that he wasn’t simply the playboy the rumors made him out to be, you didn’t think he’d actually succeed in doing it. And yet, here he was, showing you another side that you were finding attractive. Very attractive, indeed.

At the end of your shift at the shelter, you were still a little speechless at Tao’s ability to connect with Daeyoung so quickly, so easily. You hadn’t said a word to him when they came back inside just before free time, but he’d certainly caught you staring when he helped Daeyoung eat his dinner.

Outside, Tao stopped you before you could reach your car.

“Still think I’m a bad guy?”

You huffed, biting down on the inside of your cheek so harshly you were sure you’d draw blood. But you didn’t want to smile like the giggly school girl that was bouncing around in your mind at the moment. “I never used the words ‘bad guy’.” You kept your gaze down on your keys that you were fiddling with in your hands. “But that was really sweet how you spent time with Daeyoung.”

“He’s a good kid,” Tao smiled. “Smart, too. You just have to know how to communicate in their way.”

“Mrs. Choi said you’ve had a lot of practice with that.”

“Just a little.”

A silence fell between you two. What was supposed to happen now? You kind of wanted to get in your car so you could have room to breathe again, but you also wanted to stay right there with Tao.

Actually, you didn’t want to just stay there. You kind of wanted to hug him, placing your head against his chest again. He was melting you right there on the asphalt without even trying. But you fought the urge, surprising yourself at not giving in.

“(y/n)?”

You looked up at Tao. “Yes?”

With a hesitant hand, he reached up, the very tips of his thumb and fingers barely brushing against your cheek. His face lowered, coming closer to yours. Was he actually going to kiss you?

In a panic, you dropped your keys, quickly bending down to get them and dodging the possible lip-lock. Disappoint was evident all over his face, but he didn’t push or try again. No matter how sweet he’d been over the last few hours, you weren’t ready for that little step.

“I’ll see you later,” Tao sighed as he took a step back. “Drive safe.”

You nodded. “You, too.”

Shaking his head, Tao walked away and hopped over the door into the driver’s seat. Admittedly, that move kind of made your heart jump, but you were able to recover as he drove away.

It was time to be honest with yourself. You were falling for this boy. All it took was a few sweet moments and you were doomed. He was more determined than you’d previously thought. At this point, you didn’t think he’d run away as easily as you’d planned. And, staying on that honest train, you didn’t want him to run away. You wanted him to run towards you, only you.

Yeah, you were in trouble big time.

[justkending]

A True Wesson. Part 24

Chapter Summary: You finish your conversation with Gaia, and the road trip continues.

Pairing: Eventual Dean x Reader/OFC (Kendall)

Warning: Cussing.

Word Count: 2550ish

Part 24:

“Ok, but what about the Demon?” you shouted stopping in your tracks.

She had reached the tree and had started to part the wisp to enter, but stopped abruptly. She looked down.

“Zagan.” She mumbled, but you still heard it.

You walked up to her quickly.

“What did you say?” you said searching for her eyes.

She looked up and dropped her grip on the curtain of leaves she was holding.

“Zagan, he’s the demon that’s been on your back.”

“How do you know about him?”

She let out a long sigh before folding her arms.

“He was the one that broke my heart at the beginning.” She said quietly.

“I’m sorry. What?” you said reeling back and going wide eyed.

“When he broke my heart, I sent him to hell. He became a demon, who I guess now is pretty high up, and powerful.” She said.

“Shit.” You muttered throwing a hand through your hair.

“He’s been trying to find a way to destroy my kind since he crawled out of hell.” She continued. “He gave up when he realized he couldn’t about 500 years ago. But now…” she looked off in the distance.

“But now what? He can do it? He can kill me?” you started getting nervous.

“No, he’s looking for a way to steal the power for himself instead of kill it.”

“Is that possible? Is there a way?”

“From what I know. No.”

You sighed in relief.

“But… magic has evolved. There are things that are no longer impossible.”

“WHAT? Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to do? I can’t fight a centuries old Demon, who’s been studying for this exact moment his whole life?” you started rambling and pacing as you ran your hand through your hair.

“Kendall-“

“I mean come on! I’m just now learning what the hell is going on with me, and even now I don’t know! No, I-I just- It’s too much! How the hell do I- I can’t-I’m just-“

“You’re just fine.” She said catching you off guard by putting her hands on your shoulders and stealing you from your thoughts and movements. “You have been training for this your whole life, whether you know it or not.”

“I-“

“If anyone can bring an end to this man, it’s you. The human huntress who is a descendent of Gaia herself.” She said bringing your eyes up to meet her. “Look at me.” She instructed.

Once you made eye contact, her eyes glowed the vibrant fluorescent green that yours had a few times before when you fought, and really dug into your powers.

“He is nothing but a bug that needs to be squashed.” She said. You gulped at that reference. “You are not a bug. You are fierce, dangerous, and skilled. You have so much power that others could not even imagine to be possible.” She paused when she saw that you were still in shock. “Zagan thinks he has a chance against you because your human, and seem to be one of the weaker ones of my family.”

“And?”

“And you’re not. Notice how I said ‘seem’.” She walked you back to the tree with her arm weaved through yours. “You met me here. You are the strongest I’ve seen since me, remember? He doesn’t stand a chance.”

You were now standing next to the main trunk again. There was a handprint from where you had placed your hand earlier. It was glowing a bright yellow-white light, and you looked down at your hand seeing a small spark in your hand as well.

“And that. That just proves it.” She said proudly and with a smile. “That shows the power you are capable of. It’s calling to you Kendall.”

You hadn’t moved your eyes from it. You were transfixed.

“Look at that!” she said all giddy. “You even have my eyes!”

You blinked, but saw in her eye reflection that your eyes were glowing just like hers in the bright green.

“You are going to do just fine.” She said sweetly. “Now, it’s time for you to head home.” She said putting her hands on your shoulders and making you face each other.

“Wait, how do I control my powers? How do I know what I can do? What about Zagan? How do I-“ you started rambling.

“So curious aren’t you dear?” she giggled.

“But-“

“You Mother Nature. The clue is in the name.”

You cocked your head confused.

“You are Nature sweetheart. Use it.”

Before you could say another word, she touched your forehead, and you were jumping in your seat in the impala.

“Kendall! Hey!” Dean said taking his free hand to reach out and calm you. “Hey!’

You had sat straight up from your seat and went to grab the dash and car door as you gasped for air.

“Hey, hey!” he was able to grab a hold of your arm and bring your attention back to him. “What’s wrong?”

You steadied your breathing as you looked over at him. You relaxed seeing where you were now. You slumped in your seat and took you free hand to massage your temples and rub your eyes.

Dean gave you a small squeeze to remind you he was there.

“You good? What happened?” he asked again.

“I-uh… Weird dream.” You answered.

“You sure? It looked like more than that.” He said not believing you and looking between you and the road.

“Um-yeah, yeah.” You grabbed his hand and squeezed it back. “Just really vivid.”

“Wanna talk about?” he eased out.

“Not really. Still trying to wrap my head around it myself.” You said looking out the window, and combing through your hair.

“Sweetheart-“

“How far out are we?” you said changing the subject.

“Um, about 4 more hours? You were knocked out for a while.” He smiled softly.

“Sorry, if I snored.” You joked.

“Nah, no snoring that I heard.” He said realizing you were trying to avoid the subject at hand, but he didn’t push. Instead he joked back at you. “Now, the drooling on the other hand. That was really cute.” He said with a smirk on the road.

You playfully punched him and laughed.

“I do not drool Winchester!”

“Hey, I’m just calling it like I see it!” he laughed back.

“Sure…” you said laughing. “Hey you want to stop and get something to eat. It’s almost 4 and I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“Fine by me.” He said taking the next exit. “Wanna call Sam or Rosie and let them now we are stopping?”

“Already on it.”

__

You all met up at a dinner off the road. You took the time to go over what was in the journals. Not that you and Dean read that much, but got more info from Cas. The two nerds of the group though… Now they dove head first on your lore. As soon you ordered your food, Sam and Rosie started cluing you in on all that they had read. You listened to a majority of it, but a lot of it was stuff you just heard in your dream with the woman herself.

A dream. If that’s what you want to call it… Who the hell knows anymore?

While you were eating the last bits of your meal, Dean realized you had tuned the bookworms out, and were gazing out the window. Nodding every once in a while, but not actually paying attention.

“Hey.” He said placing a hand on your forearm. “You ok?”

You turned to him, and blinked out of your thoughts.

“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” you said with a small fake smiled.

“Well, there’s actually a lot of reasons why you wouldn’t be.” He chuckled causing you to laugh through your nose before turning back to the window. His smile fell once again. “Ken, is there something you want to talk about?”

Luckily, Sam and Rosie were having their own little discussion and weren’t paying any mind to you two.

You looked back at Dean and saw the genuine worry in his eyes. You grabbed his hand and slightly gripped it.

“I’ll tell you about it in the car, hmm?” you said.

“Positive?” he asked.

“Positive.” You grinned.

__

The group finished off their meals, and after a little more conversation headed back to your cars. You hopped back on the road quickly, and started your long road trip back to Kansas. It was silent in Dean’s car with him driving and you staring out the window watching the outside world pass. Until he broke it.

“Ok, we’ve been in the car for almost 15 minutes now. You going to let me know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours yet?” Dean asked glancing at you.

You huffed out a breath of air, and looked to him as you slouched in your seat.

“Do I have to?” you muttered.

“No, but from personal experience. It helps to get things off your chest.” He said watching the road.

“So all this will be over, and rainbows and sunshine if I say how much it sucks out loud?” you said in a sarcastic tone sitting up and turning your body to face him.

“Hey, I’m just trying to help. You don’t have to get feisty with me.” He said going more serious. You could tell taking your anger out on him, hurt him a little. He was just trying to help and you were acting like a grumpy 2-year-old.

“I-I’m sorry.” You scooted over to him, and took his hand from his lap, and interlaced your fingers with his. He looked down at the gesture. “I-It’s just a lot, and I’m not really sure how to put it in words.”

He looked from the road over to you. His face going from hurt and serious, to pity and sincerity.

“It’s fine. I just want to help.” He said squeezing your hand and looking back at the road.

“Thank you for that. Really.” You were now sitting in the middle of the impala, and decided to take the next step. You brought your legs up to tuck under you, and rested your head on his shoulder. You placed your conjoined hands in your lap and started playing with his rings on his fingers. “I guess I should get everything that’s on my chest off though, huh? I mean, take the weight off and all.”

Dean looked down at your movements. He loved the way you fit perfectly on his shoulder, and how he could vaguely smell your shampoo in the close proximity. He loved the way you were mindlessly playing with his fingers, and gently caressing his skin. Without realizing it he rested his head on yours while still watching the road. He took his thumb and started softly rubbing circles on your hand as you played with his fingers. This. This was his heaven.

“It's one way to let it go.” He answered.

“Ok…” you took a second and a few breaths before starting your story. “It’s a lot. I mean, it’s hard to explain, and sounds crazy, and I’m not even sure how much of it is… accurate.” You said sitting up, but still keeping your hands interlaced.

“You realize what my job is right?” he joked.

“Right. Nothing's too crazy for you.” You smiled. “Got to remember that.” You winked. “Anyway…”

“Anyway.”

“I had a dream.” You sighed out, and paused.

“Ok, and…” he said waiting for you to continue.

“Mother Nature came and visited me.”

“In your dream?” Dean said looking back over at you with a confused look.

“Yes.”

“Like the actually Mother Nature? The first one ever?”

“The first one ever.”

“Hmm.” He hummed processing it. “Ok, somehow I’ve heard weirder. Go on.” He said giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

You told Dean everything that happened. From you landing by the first tree with Gaia’s original power, to how the trials of your new powers would affect you, and also how Zagan’s vengeful plan to take you down. He listened as the story got weirder and more confusing by the minute.

“So, she thinks you’re just as powerful as her?” Dean asked trying to wrap his brain around all the knowledge you just threw at him.

“Yes, which is crazy considering I’m human.” You huffed leaning back in the seat.

“And Zagan, the demon that’s been after you since you were two, is an old fling she had that’s now out to steal her power?”

“Yep.”

“Ok…” he took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s a lot to process.”

“How do you think I feel getting it thrown at me in a dream?” you groaned throwing your hands up.

“Hey, at least you know now.” Dean said putting a hand on your thigh to calm you. “Right? That’s got to be at least a little bit relieving.”

You ran a hand over your face, and leaned into your hand. “Yeah, I guess. Doesn’t make all the information any easier though.” You sighed looking out the window.

“But you got Sam, Rosie, Cas, and I to help you through it. We’ll get to the bottom of it.” Dean said bringing your attention to him.

“I know. I know we will.” You sadly smiled at him

__

Sure enough time passed quickly, and you were pulling up to the bunker. You felt better and more free now with all that information out there. It was nice to tell someone else about it.

“Here we are.” Dean said proudly pulling into the garage.

“Whoa. Look at all these cars.” You said getting out and immediately swooning over the vintage vehicles lined up.

“As much as I love seeing you drool over the cars; do you want to see what’s inside?” Dean chuckled grabbing bags out of the trunk.

“Oh yeah!” you said spinning around, and grabbing your own bags. “Lead the way Winchester.” You said nudging him.

He nudged you back and threw his free arm over your shoulder. Sam and Rosie had already beat you there by a few minutes, and you could hear them in the distance. Dean was leading you down a long hall that looked like all the other ones you had passed. This place was a lot bigger than you thought it would be, and you had a feeling you would get lost at some point.

“Your room is right here, and right across is mine.” Dean said motion to the adjacent rooms. “But you’re welcome to stay in either one.” He winked playfully.

You giggled as you pushed him in the chest, and walked closer to your room stopping in the doorway and turning to face him.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself Winchester. Who’s to say you won’t be finding yourself in my room first?” you teased. His eyebrows shot up at that, and a big grin crossed his face. “I’m going to change out of my road trip clothes. I’ll be out in a second.” You winked.

After shutting the door, you heard his muffled voice.

“Can I join?” he asked.

“Watch yourself Winchester!” you shouted back. “Next thing you know you’re going to be falling for me!”

“Too late for that.” He mumbled going into his room to put his things up.

Tags:

@shamelesslydean @sleepless-sin @unabashedsoul97@sandlee44@gripmetight-raisemefromperdition@cabbagewithissues@supersleepygoat@anotherwaywardsister@spnwoman @ravengirl94 @carryonmywaywardcaptain@ezilyamuzed@thosekidswhohuntmonsters@purpleskiesandcherrypies@anise-d-castle6 @adoptdontshoppets@casper57x@tailsoflightning@spookycowz@eve05glee@snffbeebee@angelessquirrel@mirandaaustin93@natura1phenomenon @tftumblin @gh0stgurl@screechingartisancashbailiff @kersumgen

[darcyckennedy]

☆— HEY UPPER EAST SIDERS, SPOTTED:  d who looks just like kendall jenner. according to an anonymous source she is perfect contour, wild after parties, & teddy coats to make up for a lack of cuddles. she was last caught listening to miss you by louis tomlinson. the cisfemale is from the upper east side and attended constance billard. DARCY COX KENNEDY still lives in the city at twenty three and is currently a socialite & philanthropist. let’s see what she is going to do next. xoxo, gossip girl. ( admin tamia. nineteen. est. she/her. )

WOW okay, hi there ! i’m tamia, the admin of the group...can i just say i love you all already for applying and applying with such amazing character’s that i cannot wait to start plotting with. a little about me i guess, i’m a nineteen year old college student who lowkey doesn’t wanna be a college student...the dream is the be an actress but my mom’s all “go to college” “the only way to make something of yourself is through college” so yeah. i’m a part-time waitress at the OG aka olive garden so i make alot of Bread jokes that are really bad, i get them from the guests honestly. but that’s enough about me, let’s get to my lil peanut here who is truly a mess, i apologize in advance for her guys.

darcy was born to two elite heavy weights. her mother, georgina cox, is a american billionaire heiress the great-granddaughter of james m. cox the founder of cox enterprises. her father, john f. kennedy jr, was a american lawyer and the son of president john f. kennedy. yes, she’s a kennedy guys. 

one month old. her parents broke up after a six year relationship. staying amicable to co-parent although she mostly lived with her father. staying with her mother a couple days of of the week. as her mother was often off in atlanta, with darcy’s grandmother. it was clear from infancy that she was daddy’s little girl, so the fact that she was with him more only made sense.

one year old. her father and carolyn bessette got married. darcy was the flower girl, and truly adored carolyn. the wedding is one of the few days she vividly remembers with her father. 

four years old. her mom decided to bring her down to georgia with her for a family event. her dad and carolyn decided to go out to martha’s vineyard during this time where they inevitably crashed the plane and were lost at sea. she was supposed to be picked up by her father three days after but was instead brought back to manhattan by her aunt caroline. 

two months later. her aunt kept what happened to her parents a secret for months, initially telling her they couldn’t leave massachussetts due to bad weather conditions, then they suddenly went to africa for philanthropic work. before she knew it darcy had become a completely different child, starting to project her her anger and fear that her father had abandoned her onto others. 

the truth. during this time her mother finally stepped forward, brought darcy on a trip to martha’s vineyard and told her about her father and stepmother’s death. it became clear that the trip was specifically meant for darcy to say goodbye to them at their burial.

the aftermath. darcy was distraught for months, it was hard for a young child to wrap her head around the sole person she had attached to being gone forever. her mom immediately found her a psychiatrist who darcy saw twice a week. instead of moving back in with her aunt she moved in with her mom, the two never got close but her mom was the only person that darcy felt she could trust because she was the only one who told her the truth about her father. 

ten years old. her attitude became worse. she had truly turned into the stereotypical ues child. it had become too much for her mother to bear and so darcy moved in with her great uncle ted kennedy at the kennedy compound in cape cod. he was possibly the best thing to ever happen to her, he told her endless stories about her father and grandfather which helped her feel closer to both of them. this was when she really started to grow back into the young women her father would have wanted her to become.

thirteen years old. ted and darcy set up a memorial service for her father, at the same cathedral in washington d.c that her grandfather’s service was held. the whole family was invited and because of this it became extremely publicized but darcy didn’t care, this was meant for her to say a proper goodbye to her father and nothing could ruin that for her.

fourteen years old. her great uncle had been diagnosed with brain cancer fifteen months prior, she had stayed with him throughout the whole journey, refusing to leave his side, he had become the closest thing to her father over the years that she lived with him. he died at the kennedy compound in the summer and darcy reluctantly had to move back to manhattan and live with her mom. his death affected her nearly as much as her father’s and it’s a death she carries with her everyday. 

psychiatric state: upon her return to the ues her mom once again immediately put darcy into counseling a different and more renowned psychiatrist this time. darcy quickly started to feel like her mother stuck her with a psychiatrist so she wouldn’t have to talk to her daughter about everything that’s gone on, her mother instilled this idea that you don’t talk to anyone about your troubles but a psychiatrist, to everyone else you need to come off happy and content with life no matter how hard it gets. her psychiatrist dr. hill has helped her through alot but she still struggles everyday feeling like she’s a victim of the infamous kennedy curse. 

return to the ues. darcy’s return to the upper east side was a whirlwind to say the least. she came back right in time four the first day of highschool. it was a big day to say the least as no one expected her arrival. she reuniting with old friends, was swarmed by paparazzi once again, and made new friendships. she was different this time though, poised, friendly, and charismatic unlike the blair waldorf-esque self she was as a child.

constance billard. during school she was very academic. history was possibly her favorite, maybe because her family was apart of it. she participated in debate team and lacrosse, which she became captain of both by her senior year. she graduated constance with a 3.9 gpa and was accepted into columbia, harvard, and brown. she was tempted to attend brown just to feel a bit closer to her dad but decided to opt out of college all together. 

socialite & philanthropy. coming out of school she decided to dive head first into some charity work, from working with unicef to the national brain tumor society. by twenty she became a unicef ambassador and started her own foundation, the darcy kennedy foundation, a nonprofit organization focusing on finding better treatments for cancer patients as well as helping children who have lost their parents due to any sort of fatal event. and of course being who she is she’s been paid to attend events, galas, and parties since she was about fifteen years old, a true american socialite lol.

publicity. as much as everyone tried, it was an impossible feet for a kennedy to stay out of the lime light, especially when you’re the daughter of jfk jr. despite the attempts made by her parents and other family members darcy was often spread across magazine covers, and webpages. as she grew older it only seemed to get worse. 

personality. today, darcy is kind, caring, and charismatic. she’s the girl who walks around with a resting bitch face but will walk up to you with a bright smile and compliment your head to toe and genuinely mean every word. to piggyback off that she is extremely genuine and because of this she is also rather loyal, if she cares for you, you never have to worry about her doing something to hurt you or that could hurt you int he slightest. she is rather mature due to everything she’s gone through in life and because of this is often the voice of reason, a total mom friend but don’t think for a minute she doesn’t know how to have fun, because darcy can truly be the life of the party and is always down for an adventure; she is loud, witty, and just overall a good time think, imari stuart. 

romantic life. when it comes to relationships the girl is a mess. she dated a brooklyn boy during sophomore year, but she never got past the lust phase with him and so she broke things off with him six months later (wanted connection *cough* *cough*). during junior year she started dating a guy who was everything she was looking for in the last, she fell head over heels for him almost immediately, which was really her downfall in the end. he’s broken her heart more times than one, but she can’t seem to let him go even six years later. she’s had hook ups and short lived relationships sprinkled in between while her and sawyer aren’t together but no one compares in her eyes; she’s been with girls, guys, and everyone in between in an attempt to find someone to get her mind off of her ex but nothing works.

fun facts. her first car was a used 1994 saab that was not in style or cool by any means it was her dad so she didn’t car, but now she owns a few cars that could genuinely put most cars to shame lmao (found here), loves all kinds of music and you never want to put her on aux unless you want to listen to a whole lot of classics/throwbacks like queen, frank sinatra, usher, the beatles, and britney spears, she’s slept with leonardo dicaprio (weird flex i know), she moved out when she was 18 and currently lives at 12 east 88th street (found here), if you’re ever looking for her you can probably find her at a bar with a burger in one hand and a glass of sangria in the other, she is 5′10″ and has a tendency of wearing high heeled boots with give her even more height, she’s never done a narcotic a day in her life but will drink anyone and their father under the table, her great-uncle left most of his belongings to his widow but he did leave darcy 50million dollars for her trust fund, while her father left her everything from material assets to 100million dollars that also went to her trust, when she was 18 she was given her trust found including 100million from her mother.

[pynkhues]

Hi!! I love reading your thoughts on the show !! Do you think Shiv was telling the truth about not knowing anything about the cruises scandal? Personally, i think she was telling the truth. I think some people kind of read the scene wrong and they think that Shiv was insisting on not knowing anything until after it broke but I think Kendall was referring to whether or not they knew before there was even any sense of the scandal blowing up. I think Shiv genuinely didn’t know until Tom told her about it and also, how would she? She has never worked for waystar. Also idk why but it made me kind of sad when the brothers wouldn’t believe her and she said “I was 15.” Like i wanna know more about 15 year old Shiv and what she was going through !!!!

Hi! Thank you for your kind words, anon! I'm delighted you like reading my thoughts on the show, haha.

And it's a tricky one, isn't it? Shiv's of course fronting a bit in that scene – I don't think her brothers know that Tom told her everything prior to the scandal breaking for instance – but what Shiv knew and when she knew it is really open to intepretation beyond that.

My personal read of it is that Shiv knew, but didn't know if that makes sense?

When you're a teenager growing up in an environment like Shiv and her brothers did, you're never given information or context, you pick it up sort of by osmosis. By overhearing jokes and whispered conversations, by being told not to get in the pool or stand too close to your father's friends, by being expected to understand that these things are just a part of the way things happen.

As a result, it all becomes a normal part of life, and when things are normal, you don't really think to question or interrogate them. I think in that sense, Shiv probably heard the jokes, probably knew these men did shitty things, maybe even saw things sometimes, but who cares, right? Her father's one of the most powerful men in the country, what he does, and what his friends do, is just a part of life, and who's Shiv to question it when she's doing school work or out with friends or antagonising her brothers? She was a kid, and, more than that, she was a bit of a princess, the day-to-day business operations of her often distant father are unlikely to be something she was obsessing over in the same way, say, Kendall and Connor would be growing up as the heir and the would-be-should-be heir.

I think it was telling that Shiv wasn't surprised when Tom told her, but again, that doesn't mean she knew any of the details prior to that. Shiv wasn't in the business in the way Kendall and Roman have been, nor did she have the sort of mmm, seniority, I suppose, that Connor has. Knowing that your dad's done questionable things and that his friends are creeps is different to knowing the intimate and documented details of specifically what they did, and I think that's really the line Shiv meant when she said that in 3.02. She didn't know, but that doesn't mean she was entirely ignorant to it either.

[bookmawkish]

Prompt fill: Unexpected Hero, part 2

Part 1 here

@worldoftherandom I don’t know if you even remember sending me this one but I got inspired to continue so here it is

It’s fortunately past closing at the Dino Bite when Riley decides to share his confusing day with everyone else and turns up to bang at the door with one arm around Heckyl at his side. Tyler answers, a broom still in hand. He looks startled as he unlocks and opens the doors.

“Before you say anything,” Riley says, pushing past and dragging Heckyl in with him, “the answer is, I don’t know. But he just stopped me from getting beaten up by Snide and a whole bunch of his friends, and he’s hurt, and I couldn’t just leave him out there.”

“Wait, Snide was there? And Heckyl? They’re separate?”

“Yeah. Very much separate. And really, really mad at each other. Can I just -”

Riley gestures to the booth seats, and at Tyler’s nod, he slides Heckyl onto one of them. The alien is barely conscious and Riley carefully tilts him forward so he’s leaning his head on his arms on the table. Riley lowers his voice. “Look, he fought Snide off, as well as a bunch of Vivix, and a couple of outlaws. And I’m grateful to him, but I don’t understand why he would do that.”

“I’m guessing being separate from Snide has a lot to do with it. Maybe we’ve had it wrong all this time. Maybe Snide’s had control over Heckyl all along. He’s just never been able to break free and fight back before.”

Heckyl groans, quietly, and slumps further forward onto the table. On closer inspection, he’s now fully unconscious and isn’t roused when Riley speaks to him, says his name, even shakes him.

“Now what,” Riley murmurs, genuinely upset by this turn of events. Heckyl is certainly no friend of his, but he feels weirdly responsible for the injured man. Tyler looks similarly disquieted, and the small trickle of blood on Heckyl’s face that is just starting to drip onto the table is bothering him more than he’d care to admit.

“I think we should call Ms Morgan,” he says.

 “His tattoo is gone.”

Kendall, all business, is checking Heckyl over. He’s still out cold. She is gentle handling him: lifting his head from the table, wiping away the blood from his nose and mouth with a napkin. She turns his head to the side to expose his neck to Tyler and Riley. “See? That backs up what you saw. Snide has been detached. We’ve only got Heckyl here. By himself.” After a pause and a slight grimace of embarrassment, she quickly slips her hand down across Heckyl’s vest, presses at his chest, and draws back almost as fast when he jolts and cries out in pain, his eyes snapping open.

“Sorry!” Kendall whispers, automatically, because the look on Heckyl’s face is awful, and he scrambles backwards in the booth, away from them all. “Heckyl. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just - I had to check. I think a couple of your ribs are broken. They’re bruised at least.”

“What - what am I doing here?”

There’s a very odd moment for the assembled Rangers, because Heckyl looks bewildered and frightened, as if he’s seriously considering bolting from the café: but then he seems to gather his bravado and his mouth curls in a much more familiar sneer. “If you’re going to kill me, get on with it. This is just boring me,” he snarls, his eyes darting from one to the other of them, determined not to back down. The Rangers exchange glances.

“I don’t know what it’s like where you were raised,” says Riley, “but where I’m from we don’t just kill the people who’ve saved our lives. Thanks for that, by the way. I’d love to know why you did it.”

“Well, much though this has been lovely,” Heckyl says, keeping the sharp, sarcastic tone in his voice, “I really have to be going. Right now.” And he gets up. Or at least he tries - shoving back from the table, but almost as soon as he moves he gasps, unable to mask the instinctive reaction. His hand comes up to curl protectively around his ribs and he stumbles.

“Yeah, good luck with that,” says Tyler, not without sympathy. “Sit down. We’re not going to hurt you. We just want to know what happened.”

“I’m gonna get you some Advil,” Riley says, and is indeed going to do so when Kendall says: “No, don’t -”

She glances apologetically at Heckyl. “It’s a painkiller,” she says. “But I’d rather you don’t take any. I don’t want to poison you when you’re not…I mean…”

“I’m not human,” Heckyl says, wearily, sinking back into the chair. “You can say it. I do know, you know.”

“I’m sorry,” Kendall says, again. He shrugs.

“Why? It’s not your fault.” He sees the still-stricken look on her face and rolls his eyes in irritable defeat. “If it makes you feel any better, I heal fast. I‘ll be out of your hair very soon, pretty lady, don‘t you worry.”

Riley brings him a Coke instead (because of course that‘s far less potentially poisonous to aliens). Heckyl drinks it all, in one long series of gulps, and doesn’t die, so Riley gets him another one. It seems to relax him a little: he huddles over the table, but he doesn’t have that tenseness in his posture, that preparation to flee that was there before.

“So,” Riley says, when Heckyl is halfway down his second Coke, “you wanna tell us how you and your worse half got broken up?”

“Arcanon,” says Heckyl, and the venom in his voice is unmistakable. “Split us apart with the split emitters. Wrench helped him. I suppose I should be grateful.”

“Grateful?” queries Kendall, looking at him sharply.

“You think I liked sharing a body with that -”

Heckyl abruptly looks down at the table and seems to make an effort to get himself under control, flexing his fingers. Little motes of white-blue light curl between them.

“It wasn’t my choice,” he says, and because he’s busy staring at the tabletop he doesn’t see the utterly horrified expressions the three Rangers are wearing. Because this changes everything for them. The villain they’d been fighting had been himself under duress.

It hadn’t been his choice.

“Arcanon won’t let me live,” Heckyl adds, after a moment’s thought. “I am as much his enemy now as you. And so -”

He heaves himself up again, and this time makes it all the way, although he’s white with pain by the time he’s fully standing.

“ - as I said. I’m leaving.” He gives them a truly dreadful, shaky grin. Lots of teeth. Absolutely no humour. “Thank you, Rangers, for the entertainment. You’ve been. Well. Just wonderful.”

Because of their surprise, he actually makes it halfway to the door before a hand falls on his arm and grips, hard. Riley glares at him.

“You’re leaving to protect us,” he says, and ignores Heckyl’s eye-rolling, lip-curling denial. “I know you are. But I won’t let you. You didn’t ask for this. You’re just as much of a victim as I was when Snide attacked me tonight.”

“Oh please,” Heckyl scoffs, shaking Riley‘s grip loose, “you’re dreaming. Maybe you think you can ‘save me’. “ He inserts the air quotes seamlessly. “I’m not your responsibility. I can look after myself. I’m a grown-up. In fact, I‘m so grown-up compared to all of you that -”

“But you‘re hurt,” interrupts Kendall, quietly. “If you go after him now he’ll kill you. But if we go after him together -”

“I don’t need or want your help,” Heckyl spits, immediately, but it’s too late - Tyler and Kendall alike have seen the flicker of fear and uncertainty in his eyes.

“No,” says Tyler, and he glances at Kendall, who nods. “I guess you don’t. But you’re going to get it anyway. And we’re going to start by getting you healed up. Come on. You can’t rest properly here.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Heckyl hisses, sinks into a combat stance, and his hands spark with electricity. Immediately, Riley spins on one foot, kicks Heckyl accurately in the back of the knees, before leaping back to avoid being fried. Except that Heckyl is too busy sprawling on the floor to attack. He’s shaky and weak, and the power pooling in his palms fades as he tries to stop himself from collapsing completely. Knelt on the ground, furious and helpless, he looks up to see Riley bending to his side, his face showing nothing but compassion.

“Sorry,” Riley says. “but you made me do that. Please, Heckyl. I want to help you. Just let me. You can shout at me while I do it if it‘ll make you feel better, I don‘t care. Just - please.”

And Heckyl, shuddering and scowling on the floor, his hand clutched to his injured chest, hangs his head in defeat.

He protests all the way to Tyler’s house, but it’s obvious the fight has gone out of him now and it’s just words. Tyler puts down a camp bed in the den, and Heckyl allows himself to be installed in it without more than a token protest. He’s obviously exhausted and while he grumbles vindictively at Tyler when he’s brought a blanket (“I’m not a child. I’ll kill you in your sleep.”) he crashes out very fast and is asleep in an untidy sprawl within minutes of pulling the blanket over himself. True to his word, Kendall notes that the bruises on his face are visibly fading as he sleeps. Fast healing, indeed.

“Phew,” Riley says. “He’s hard work.”

“He doesn’t know how to be nice,” Kendall says, quite accurately. “He’s had no practice. I think he’s actually doing quite well, considering.”

“I feel bad,” Tyler says, unexpectedly. When the others look to him, he adds: “Look, I know we didn’t know. But he was innocent. All this time. Snide was holding him prisoner.”

“He’s still hard work,” says Riley, grinning. “He’s even more sarcastic than my brother.”

“We can’t change how we treated him in the past,” Kendall says. “But we can change now. And we can finish Snide for good, if he’ll help us.”

“Sure,” says Tyler, unconvinced, his gaze darting down to Heckyl again. Heckyl is snoring, his head lolled back on the bed. “I’m sure he’ll be a great help.”