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iikatsukii · 2 years ago

Text

When the clock resets.

synopsis: you’re brought back to life, unsure as to why eywa has given you another chance but as you return “home” things aren't quite the same. .

pairings: sully family x daughter/sister!reader, neteyam x twin!reader, neytiri x daughter! reader, jake x daughter!reader

warnings: um tbh none except minor cursing, running away, passing out, mentions of malnourishment due to you being dead but yk. oh and ao’nung being a mama’s boy.

word count: 6,064

a/n: THIS IS PART 2 OF TOO LATE!!!! unfortunately there is no red text this time but guys i am still not done with this series because i have a request for if the reader survived the first part. but i will be moving back over to illicit love for a little bit because i didn't even expect this story to blow up like i did. like yall i was just sad and here yall are feeding off my trauma. but its okay yall are my little angst hungry babies. :) (also huge fucking shoutout to @eywas-heir for giving me this idea for pt. 2. go give them kisses for me and say i sent you :d)

taglist: @hai-kbai @ssc7514 @sillydog3-4-5 @hyunskz @innersuitcasehairdoscissors @rairaielv @freeauthordeputyartisan-blog @mel119g @ksata @artyom09 @marcswife21 @innersuitcasehairdoscissors @andyfromku

(if youre name has a strike through it that means i wasnt able to tag you im so sorry guys i tried)

waking up felt extremely weird. you felt like you had taken the longest, heaviest nap ever. slowly opening your eyes to adjust to the light, you take in your surroundings.

you're in a shallow hole, you noticed as you looked around, and there was dirt around you. you look up at what you would think was the sky and see something else that you remember seeing before. you see the leaf covering that the omatikaya place over their passed-away loved ones. you usually see these leaf coverings from the outside. this caused a slight panic to settle in your chest?

why are you here? did you die? what the hell is going on?

you reached your arm up, still feeling weak from not moving your joints in you don't even know how long. you slowly press against the leaf covering, pushing it away from the hole and exposing the sun to your eyes. you shielded yourself before you felt a shadow standing over your form. it was mo'at. the tsahik of the omatikaya clan.

"tsahik?" it was the first word you said, and it caused mo'at to press a hand to her mouth in shock as tears sprang to her eyes. her granddaughter, who had passed away two years ago, was looking up to her from her grave that she had pushed open herself. the tsahik didn't understand. how could the great mother take you away for two years and let their family mourn and grieve your death just to send you back to them two years later?

this made no sense.

"come with me, my child," was the only thing mo'at said as she reached out to grab your hand. she intertwined your fingers, wanting to hold her granddaughter as close as possible, fearing losing you again. she helped you out of the hole slowly as you still had to get used to moving your arms and legs around again.

"ma tsahik?" you asked the older woman standing before you. "what happened to me?"

she didn't turn to look at you as she said in a hushed, almost hurt, tone of voice, "you died two years ago," you were left speechless. you didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything. you tried to think back on what happened before you woke up from your 'nap,' but you couldn't remember anything. no matter how hard, no memories or thoughts came to your head.

"do not try to work your brain so hard trying to find answers that will come to you, my child. you'll hurt yourself." the tsahik jokes.

you looked up at her, seeing the slight smile on her face but missing the faint trace of tears in her eyes. you let out a small laugh at her joke.

"hey! i may not remember anything from before, but i know i was not stupid before i died." you laughed along, but this caused the tsahik to stop in her tracks, turning to you.

"say that again." she said, grabbing hold of your shoulders, her face painted with worry.

"i was not dumb before i died?" you said, confused at her sudden actions.

"no, child! the other thing you said."

"oh, that i do not remember anything from before i died?" your words were cautious because you didn't know if what you were saying was offensive.

"we must get you back to the camps." was all she said as she turned, grabbing your hand, but this time she walked with urgency. her pace was hard to keep up with due to your aching body, but you somehow managed.

once you started to enter your native territory, you felt eyes everywhere. everyone was looking at you. you get it; you died and came back, but did everyone have to stare at you like that? it wasn't like you were the olo'eyktans daughter before you died.

mo'at brought you to the center of the high grounds camp, and everyone gathered around to see what announcement their tsahik had for them.

she didn't have some big speech planned. she just held your hand and said to the clan's people.

"the great-mother has returned my granddaughter!" everyone was cheering and happy. this confused the sully family. the past two years after your death have been hard. the natives completely annihilated every rda soldier, lab, and scientist in sight. it was an unexpected, coordinated attack between the forest na'vi, the ice na'vi, and, surprisingly, even the ash na'vi. due to transportation, the water na'vi couldn't make it to fight the war, but they were able to send over some of their finest healers.

let's just say no ships are coming to pandora ever again. jake made sure to send a message to the humans back on earth that if they ever sent one of their own to his planet again, he would single-handedly rip them each limb from limb. that was a promise, not a threat. humans had not gotten a chance to respond to jake's words. right after he delivered his messages, he pulled the pin of a grenade and walked out of the ship, it and the rest of the camp's base exploding behind them. although they didn't get to respond, they sure did receive the message, and earth now no longer had an avatar program. as the na'vi walked away from the war, they were victorious once and for all.

neytiri was quietly braiding her youngest daughter's hair when she heard the cheers and celebration of the clan outside her home. and then that's when her three older children came running into their hut, screaming and crying, speaking simultaneously. it sounded as if they were speaking gibberish.

"hey, hey kids calm down. what is going on?" jake asked his children, who looked like they were in distress. he was sitting in the home's living area, sharpening his blade as he had nothing else to do.

"Y/N HAS RETURNED." it was kiri who got the words out first.

neytiri, jake, and tuk all froze. there was no way. the great mother had taken you right in front of their eyes. you have been gone for two years; it can't be. neytiri had visited your grave just last night. there you lay, closed-eyed and lifeless in front of her, but as she walked out of her home and into the center of the clan's gathering there, you stood. you looked skinny and malnourished, but you were standing, breathing, alive.

neytiri couldn't believe her eyes. she thought she was dreaming as she approached you slowly. she held your face in her hands, and as soon as she felt your skin against her own, she broke down in tears, engulfing you in the tightest hug you had ever felt.

"ow." you said when she squeezed a bit too hard. this caused the woman to release you quickly, as she had forgotten how fragile you were right now.

"ma ite, you have returned to me, oh great mother, you have answered my prayers. thank you, thank you, thank you," she said as she pulled you into a hug again, this time softer, as if she was afraid that if she held you too rough, you would break in her arms.

you, on the other hand, were nervous. granddaughter? ite? what is going on right now? there's no way you're the tsahik's granddaughter. you couldn't imagine what your mother would be like as a person, let alone any of your family. all you knew was that you were from the forest, but maybe eywa brought you back to the wrong part of the forest? you couldn't even look at the woman before you and pinpoint a resemblance. you had four fingers; some of her children had five, and you weren't like them. only one other child had four tingers, and you noticed it was the eldest son.

when you made eye contact with him, his eyes softened. neteyam hadn't looked into his twin's eyes in ages. he missed you like no other. yeah, neytiri had it hard losing her first daughter, but neteyam had his twin's life ripped from her body right in front of his eyes. at that moment, it was almost like he felt the bullets go through his chest as well. that's how great the pain of losing you felt. but looking at you now, he felt like his heart was whole again. but there was this look in your eye. you looked different. not physically. you looked at neteyam differently. almost like you didn't recognize him.

mo'at had hoped that seeing your home and your family would cause your memories to come flooding back, but the look on your face was not giving her that impression.

"i am sorry if i am ruining a happy moment…." you spoke up, causing everyone to immediately silence themselves so they wouldn't miss a word you said. but you didn't say anything that caused any happiness or joy in anyone. instead, your words scared everyone.

"–but i do not know who you guys are. i am not the tsahik's granddaughter and miss, i am not your daughter. i am sorry but i think you have things confused. please excuse me." you pulled yourself away from the woman who claimed to be your mother, but she tightened her grip on your hands.

"ma y/n, what do you mean? you do not remember me? i am your mother, your sa'nu. you are ma ite, my sweet girl." neytiri was taken aback. this isn't right, you're supposed to come back, and then everything goes back to normal. but the great mother has returned you with no memories at all. to you, neytiri was just a stranger claiming to be your mother.

the next person to approach you was the olo'eyktan himself. you couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eyes because of how his vast form intimidated you.

"itetsyip. maybe if you come home and see some of your things then you'll remember." he said, placing his hand on your back and walking you in the direction of what you assumed was their home. you quickly remove yourself from the two adults who had you in their arms.

"i am sorry but i am not your daughter. i do not want to enter your home to look at whatever things you think are mine. just because i have no memory of my family does not mean you get to take me away from them. the great mother may have returned me to my body with no memories but that does not mean you get to put whatever you want in my head, trying to get me to believe you. i only just returned. do you not understand how overwhelming this is?" you were scared. everything was happening so fast.

you just found out that you had been dead for two years, and now these people are trying to push this life in you that you know god and well that wasn't yours. you don't know who these people are, and they were making absurd accusations. maybe you really were in the wrong part of the forest.

"y/n stop joking around. do you not remember us? you are neteyam's twin sister for crying out loud. how can you be cruel enough to pull a joke like this? have we not suffered enough?" lo'ak was fed up with this whole situation. you were his sister, dammit. how could you not remember that? neteyam is your twin. you, tuk, and kiri were sisters. they're standing right in front of you, just begging you to run into their arms so they can embrace you.

you looked at the teenage boy oddly. like he had three heads. he doesn't know what he's talking about. these people are so pushy and demanding; you can't come from a family like this. you thought about it, and you knew they would be able to catch you if you tried to make a break for it, but you didn't want to be here anymore.

lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the family's eldest son walking up to you. he gently grabbed your shoulders, looking directly into your eyes that were identical to his.

"you could not have forgotten about your twin brother have you, sister?" his words were soft. they sounded broken like he was hurting inside. from what? you don't know, but this isn't your problem to deal with. these people obviously lost somebody, but it is not you. you are not from here. so you hatched a plan in your head.

"maybe i just need to walk around the forest and re-familiarize myself. it–" you choked on your words, not even wanting to say it.

"it could help me regain my memories. and then we can be a family again, yeah?" you look into the boy's eyes, noticing them shining a bit brighter. you gave him hope.

that wasn't your intention. you just wanted to leave, so to make yourself 100x more believable, you hugged him. with all the strength you had in your body, which wasn't much.

everyone was shocked. even neteyam, but he didn't want to lose this moment, so he hugged you back tight, so you could feel his love but not too tight because of how weak you are. you pulled back from the hug, bowing slightly to everyone before you walked in the direction that you and the tsahik came from so you wouldn't seem lost. you looked back before you could fully disappear into the trees. eyes meeting those of the people who claimed to be your family. looking at them, you didn't even see where you would fit in. they already looked whole. so you managed a small fake smile, sent them a small wave, and continued your trek through the forest, trying to get as far away from the omatikaya people as possible.

by the time they realize you're gone, you'll already be way too far for them to find you. you wandered around, wondering why the great-mother returned you like this? did you not deserve to keep your memories?

almost as if she heard your question, the great mother flashed an image in your head. it was different shades of forest green, with indigo spots placed randomly around its body, looking almost like flowers. its wings were majestic, but you couldn't pinpoint what you had seen until it landed right in front of you, keeping you from walking off a cliff you hadn't even realized you were walking towards.

you couldn't believe that after two years of being gone, your ikran, syulang, was still alive. you named her syulang because, yes, of course, she looks like she's covered in flowers, but unlike other ikrans, syu was quiet, elegant, almost undetectable in the air. you would never hear her flying anywhere, and nobody knew why. the air would run smoothly over her wings, completely muting the sound of the wind rushing by in comparison to the usual loud, noisy ikrans that everyone else had tamed. syulang was delicate, like a flower. "syu! hi girl, oh my goodness you’re alive." you said as you created your tsaheylu with her for the first time in years. it felt like the first time all over again, except without the part where she tried to kill you. syulang was happy to see you as well, nuzzling into you. "syulang, we have to go. right now. come on girl, take me home." when you said this, syulang made a noise of confusion but allowed you to mount her anyways. the two of you took off into the night, the eclipse making it too dark for anyone to notice that an ikran was out flying. not like they would hear syulang anyways.

it's been hours. you still hadn't come back from the forest, and the sullys were getting worried. everyone was tense and stressed until kiri spoke up.

"she ran away," the teenage girl hadn't even realized it was herself who had spoken. she looked up and made eye contact with everyone in her family, repeating herself.

"she ran away, and she is not going to come back." tears sprung to her eyes as she just wanted her sister to return home. it was like eywa was dangling the most precious thing to them right in their faces, and every time they reached out, she snatched it away.

"she would not do that. she said she was just going on a walk. kiri have some faith in her. sure she did not remember us but she would not have hugged me if she was just gonna run away. she said she would come home." neteyam argued. he didn't want to believe that you had left them again, but that's what it was starting to seem like.

"we will check the ikrans. if hers is still there, then she's around here somewhere. we can go out and look for her." syulang had not left your family's ikran nest since the day you had passed. she was too depressed to do anything with her hunter being dead. the sullys made sure to take care of her for you, knowing you wouldn't want syu to suffer like you did. honestly, syulang was the closest thing the sullys had to you after you died. they'd take turns taking care of her at night, bringing tuk every now and then so she could see syulang too.

the walk to the family ikran nest was full of arguing. kiri said that neteyam and lo'ak had to come to their senses and realize that you were gone again. the boys refused to believe that you would leave again, but as they approached the ikran nest, seeing syulang's corner abandoned gave them the answer they fought over.

you had left.

"i told you she left. i mean for eywa's sake you guys bombarded her as soon as she got here!" kiri yelled at her family. she knew this was just displaced anger and that she didn't really mean it, but she was tired of holding her tongue.

"don’t you dare say we bombarded her! she is my twin who died in front of me! eywa forgive me for wanting to hug her after she's been dead for two years!" neteyam yelled back at kiri; this just caused a huge family argument to break out.

tuk, who was standing to the side watching her family fall apart, couldn't help but cry. she just wanted her family to go back to normal. "stop fighting…" it came out as a whisper, her family arguing so loud that they hadn't even heard her. so she decided to make them hear her.

"STOP FIGHTING!!" everyones' heads snapped at the youngest sully child. little tuk had just raised her voice at them for the first time ever.

"give me a break! we are all hurt okay?! us, y/n, grandma, the clan? everyone is sad! we did bombard her! she has not been here for two years. we should have let her settle in first. i get it. you guys miss her. so do i, but ma sa'nu when you talked to her she looked so confused and scared. and nete, when she was hugging you her eyes were so empty. she looked so lost. we scared her away. we had a chance to make things normal again, to be a family again and all you guys could do was be selfish and think about yourselves!! i just miss her. i want her to come back, i–" tuk couldn't even finish what she was saying as her sobs overcame her. neytiri scooped up her youngest daughter, cradling her in her arms, trying to soothe her harsh cries.

tuk had just lectured their entire family, and nobody could be mad at her because she was right. neytiri realized that she had been pushy. jake and lo'ak, too, but it wasn't because they were trying to scare you. they just missed you so much they couldn't contain themselves. they had been selfish, putting their feelings over yours once again. it was the same way they lost you last time, and now, who knows where you went or when you left. the family just remained in their ikrans nest that night, needing all the warmth they could get as they all just held each other and cried.

you didn't think you could fly any longer. it had already been a few days, and you didn't see the forest anymore. you already didn't have a lot of energy due to you being dead for two years, but it didn't help that you left with absolutely no supplies to survive on your own. everything was starting to look the same. you felt like you were going in circles, seeing the same islands over and over. the ocean water was beautiful, you had to admit, but right now, all you could think about was if it would cushion your fall if you fell off your ikran. you knew it was only moments before you passed out from exhaustion.

the world started to spin as if it wasn't already, your vision was in and out, and you felt sleepy. you were exhausted and couldn't fly another second. as your body completely shut down, you fell off your ikran and into the waters below you, your tsaheylu disconnecting in the process.

had it not been for the hunters out at three brothers rock, you would have died. they noticed your ikran flying in the direction of their mainland, assuming you were a visitor and that they would meet you when they got back to the island, but they knew something was wrong when they noticed your form plummeting from the extreme height, completely motionless.

they only took a few minutes to have you on the rock. they were nervous about doing cpr on you because you looked to be a teenager.

"ao'nung, come over here!" the hunter in charge called over the olo'eyktans son.

"what is it?" he said, noticing the tension in the air. he looked down, seeing you unconscious on the ground. his eyes widened. where had you come from? pushing that question aside, ao'nung took in your appearance, noticing how thin and weak you looked. he didn't know what it was, but it stirred something in him. you reminded him of his little sister, tsireya. if this was her, he would want one of the hunters to save her, so he put one arm under your shoulders and another under your leg and slid into the water, calling out to his ilu.

"i'm bringing her to my mother immediately. she looks weak. i don't even know if she'll live, but i have to try." he said before taking off as fast as he could to the mainland. he noticed above him your ikran was flying at the same pace as him, probably too worried to leave your side.

when ao'nung got home holding an unconscious forest na'vi, he received a lot of weird glances from the clan's people, but he didn't care. he rushed home, looking for his mother.

pushing the flap open to see his mother had just put the last of her herbs away, ao'nung called out to his mom.

"sa'nu! help! i– she needs help. please." hearing her son in distress, ronal was quick to give him her attention. instructing to lay the girl on the floor, she reminded herself to ask him where he had found her, but right now, she prioritized saving your life. she tried a healing remedy that would've usually worked, but you remained motionless. ronal put her ear to your chest, your heart was beating, but it was very faint. she knew only one thing she could do now, and it was the riskiest healing remedy known by all tsahiks. it has a minimal success rate but has healed some of the deadliest injuries known to eywa.

once the remedy was made entirely, ronal told ao'nung to get out and find his father and sister before coming back. the boy nodded, walking out to find his sister.

when he spotted tsireya riding on the ilus with her friends, he called her over. tsireya noticed her brother looked a bit more anxious than usual, so she excused herself and walked over.

"brother what is wro– oh!" ao'nung pulled his little sister into the tightest hug he could muster. she remained shocked as her brother wasn't really one for physical affection at all unless it was from his mother.

"please just– don't die on me, okay? at least not anytime soon. promise me, okay?" he said, pulling back and grabbing her shoulders as he looked into his sister's eyes. she just nodded and walked alongside her brother, wondering what on earth had him shaken up like this.

upon retrieving his father, ao'nung returned with his father and his sister in tow. when they entered the tent, you were in ronal's arms, crying your heart out. the woman just looked up to her family, shushing them as she continued to provide you comfort. hearing your cries throughout their home hurt their hearts. you cried like you were hurt like you had experienced grave pain, and it was coming back to haunt you.

from this moment on, the family decided they would take you in. they didn't know who or where you were from, but they wanted to heal you of this pain. their hearts hurt hearing how much pain your heart had to endure. there's a reason why eywa brought you to them, and they were not about to let you go.

you had been living amongst the metkayina clan for about half a year now. you weren't even recognizable from when you had arrived at the clan. when you got here, you were thin as a twig, you never had the energy to do anything, and you cried yourself to sleep every night. now, you had filled out your form, even gaining a bit of muscle from adapting to the metkayina ways. you had also completed your iknimaya, which meant you were allowed to get a tattoo. you choose to get two. the pain was well worth it, though, because once your leg sleeve and arm tattoo were complete, you couldn't have been happier.

you finally felt like your life was worth living again. you no longer cried yourself to sleep; instead, you snuck out with your brother and sister, going to the small island where all the young na'vi hang out. you were finally happy. the great mother had brought you home. she had returned you to your family.

the only odd thing was your dreams recently. you dreamed of the forest, of nantangs, woodsprites, and ikrans. things that have nothing to do with the metkayina. it was weird. you felt like eywa was trying to shove memories in your brain, but you were so at peace with your life that you disregarded it, too caught up, in reality, to be bothered by silly dreams.

you loved life on the beaches, in the sand, underwater, just taking in the beauty of awat'alu as you sat on a rock. at the same time, you watched ao'nung, tsireya, and rotxo playing on their ilus in the water. they were splashing each other, just taking time to be the teenagers they knew they'll never be again. you were about to cannonball in the water to join them when you all heard the horns of the clan being blown, announcing new arrivals.

you all stopped what you were doing, looking toward the screeches you heard. you knew that sound, that was bob, jake's ikran.

wait a minute… what?

whos jake?

‘jake sully’ said a voice in your head. you recognized it as she had spoken to you once before, but you couldn't remember where.

why is this name coming to your head right now? you felt your wrist being grabbed by your sister, tsireya. she dragged you to the beaches of your clan's home, where everyone else had gathered. you stood behind your father, tonowari, as you continued to think about the name that came to your head. who is jake sully, and why did you just remember his name?

"my children, ao'nung, tsireya, and–" tonowari paused, looking to his side at his children, realizing one was missing, until he turned around and realized you were just hiding behind him.

"–and my youngest, y/n, will teach your children the ways of our home, so you do not suffer the burden of being useless here," tonowari stepped aside, pushing you in front of him, so the family who had arrived could see you.

you looked up to make eye contact with the first person you spotted.

"tuktuk." the words were quiet from your mouth. the little girl, who had her head tucked into her mother's neck, perked up when she heard the nickname you used to call her.

"kiri, cut it out. that is not funny!" tuk said, looking at her sister, offended she would play a sick joke on her like that after they had just left their home.

jake and neytiri decided to move their family from the omatikaya clan, deciding that being there reminded them too much of you. it hurt to continue to live on the soil that you died on. so they up and moved their whole family elsewhere, flying towards warmer air and gorgeous waters. they fully expected to be able to find uturu with jake being toruk makto and their war being over. what they hadn't expected to see was their dead runaway daughter standing amongst a sea of teal na'vi.

slowly walking towards the family, tonowari called out to you, but ronal placed her hand on her mate's chest, telling him to shut up and watch what was happening.

"tuktuk," you repeated as you walked towards the girl. when tuk realized that the voice was coming from in front of her and not behind her, she turned her head around, her yellow eyes meeting yours.

"y/n!!" tuk practically dropped herself from her moms' arms, running up to you.

you met her halfway, falling to your knees, pulling your little sister into a hug, her face in your neck as you supported her head. as you looked at each one of them, their names, faces, and memories came back. you remembered everything.

"and you're neteyam, and lo'ak and kiri!" when your siblings heard you say their names, it was like a switch in them flipped. within seconds they were all in the sand hugging you and tuk, crying because you finally remembered them.

you pulled back from the hug, looking at the two people who hadn't joined the hug yet.

"sempu," you said, reaching your hand out to jake. he didn't even try to conceal his tears as he allowed himself to join his children in their hug.

your mother still stood there in awe. neytiri was scared. she was the reason you left last time and didn't want to scare you away again, so she just stood with tears rolling down her face, not knowing what to do. for the first time in her life, neytiri didn't know what to do.

you could see the hesitation in her eyes. but you were confused as to why. neytiri was the only one who treated you right before you died… so why is she the last to come to you.

"mom?" you called out to her, but she didn't move. did she not want you anymore? has she gotten used to the family without you?

you tried once more, refusing to lose your family again. "sa'nu, please." a tear rolled down your cheek, looking into your mother's eyes. you saw all the hurt and stress, everything she had to endure while you were gone.

hearing you call her sa'nu was the last push neytiri needed before she fell to her knees and joined her family's embrace. you have returned. you returned to your family, and you were safe. everyone pulled back from you, taking in your appearance. you had matured a lot since the last time they saw you. you and neteyam were about the same height now, but your muscles surpassed his due to all the swimming you do.

you noticed that he had noticed too, and you just nudged his shoulder with your own, "do not worry, twin, i will teach you everything you will need to know. maybe you will grow up to be big and strong like me," you teased your twin. neteyam rolled his eyes, laughing along with you.

"woah! y/n, you have a tattoo?" lo'ak asked as he looked at your left leg. you just laughed at his silly question. of course, that's the first thing he asks you.

"she has two! there's one on this arm as well," kiri said, holding out your right arm so they could see the tattoo that you had there as well.

"no fair, mom, i want a tattoo." tuk said, whining to her mother. neytiri laughed at her daughter's statement and just pet her head, moving her braids out her face. "maybe when you're older, tuk," she said.

"babygirl," your father grabbed your attention. "i just want you to know that we are all so sorry for how we treated you before you past–" you cut your father off, shaking your head.

"it is in the past. the great mother may have returned my memories but it is me who gets to choose which ones to remember. i want to leave the past behind me. i have found a new home here. new peace. a found family who loves me dearly. i don't want you guys to feel like you have to atone to anything. eywa has given us a new start, so i think we should welcome it with open arms instead of trying to mend that has already been healed," you really had matured in your time away from the sullys.

they all looked at one another. if that was what you wanted, they would be sure to leave the past in the past so they can embrace the chance to make things right with you.

you stood, the rest of the sullys following. you walked back over to tonowari and ronal, pulling them into a hug.

"just because my memories have returned does not mean that you are not my family anymore. you have all helped and healed me from wounds that i did not know i had so i can only thank you, sempu, sa'nu. you guys are my found family and i would not trade you for the world." smiling up at your other parents. Wow, this is gonna get confusing, but you were more than excited to have two families.

you looked over and pulled ao'nung and tsireya into the hug as well. "you guys, too, thank you so much," you said to your siblings. they couldn't do anything but hug you back. you may not be their biological blood, but they could care less. you are now one of their people. ronal and tonowari will always see you as their daughter, and ao'nung and tsireya will always see you as their sister. you will always be family to them.

you and tsireya decided to guide the sully family to their new home, as ronal had allowed them to stay. you noticed that lo'ak was eying your sister up quite a bit and decided that you would tease him about it later. you were just happy to finally feel at peace. you finally had the family, the life you had dreamed of.

you couldn't do anything except thank eywa for all the good she brought into your life.

‘you're welcome, my child.’ it was the same voice that you heard earlier. when you realized that she was responding to your thanks, if you finally clicked whose voice you were hearing.

it was eywa.

she was with you. she had always been. throughout this journey, she made sure to stick by your side. that was something that you couldn't be more grateful for.

‘be free my child, allow nothing from here on out to hold you back. you are meant to live a happy life, and now you are able to do so.’

#avatar x reader #avatar #avatar the way of water #avatar wotw #avatar 2 #awotw x reader #atwow x you #atwow angst #jake sully x daughter!reader #neteyam x twin!reader #neteyam angst #ao'nung is a mommas boy idc.#sully family angst #happy endings i GUESS #illicit love is ab to make yall so mad LMFAO

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dietbeverage · 3 years ago

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#david and i are a thing now and its honestly exhilarating and i feel so free #and i didnt get to spend my spring break relaxing and getting homework done but if this had happened any other time it wouldve been awful #its wild to not be the dynamic trio anymore #and i think david and i are going to be really happy and he'll finally be able to start healing over the way that relationship went #i know steven wasnt awful but i hated seeing david feel so frustrated and lonely all the time #and im so glad we didnt cheat. we didnt cheat even though it would have been so easy. we werent touchy or flirty or inappropriate to anyone #idk why im justifying this in the tags to a post to no one #but we knew both of us loved each other and mutually agreed that we could never act on it #and even before david said it i made the decision a long time ago that i would never do anything with him while being with steveb #steven #(and at that time that meant never)#because i know it would be so damaging to everyone involved and it would eat him up from the inside and my friendship qould be devastated #so im glad that it didnt end up that way #beyond that #ive never had a connection with someone like i made with david #and i think being able to live my life with him will be really fantastic #or at least i hope so #my posts

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f1tism · 3 years ago

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#daniel might be smiling and giving a thumbs up but this is still very much a vent #because i have nowhere else to let it out.#so feel free!!!!!!! to scroll past i just need it out of my system #i am. so sad lmfao #lmfao couldnt even write more than that before bursting in tears again #anyway. i am Sad #just lmfao-ing my way through this while in tears #i just. theres multiple things rn so it all just Stacks up together?#like. i dont think abt my ex often or at all just. they Exist thats all #but whenever i try to scroll deep for my photos i keep having this time frame of ''oh when did i put it on my phone? oh right around—#—[time] when i wanted to show my ex this! and it just. makes me So fucking upset that i cant just. not do that #i just wanted to search for my baby pics and not be reminded of the fact that i wanted to share them with my ex #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and alone for a long time because of work.#it made me have no energy left for anything no friends no talking no meetups but now that im unemployed im just.#More Aware of the fact that i feel so alone. i just cried a bit before sleep and then move those feelings aside for work but now.#painfully aware of the fact how worthless my days are. i dont do anything either. i liked working because it gave me something To Do.#now i feel horrid for not doing anything. i feel worthless and useless #also it. didnt feel super amazing as i let it out to be that i quit work. feel empty #and i feel. incompetent like i was truly doing all that i could and it wasnt enough.#i know its overthinking but just. what if thats all i can do? what if thats all im able to do?#im not good at anything that makes me jump out compared to others. i feel below average #below average at best. i dont have anything to offer.#just feel like i exist and i dont even know Why.#feel like a constant pain in the ass and annoyance to people. feel like im driving everyone away.#sometimes (see: more than usual lately) i wonder what this is all for. i dont really see a future for myself #that doesnt end up in feeling more alone. more empty. and just. Worse overall #feel so incompetent in life with all these stupid disorders and mental illnesses and just. Everything about Me.#man. im pathetic to read about and im sorry for the long vent #im just gonna. bottle these feelings up again and pray for a better tomorrow. i feel embarrassed talking about my feelings.#kiki.txt

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 2 years ago

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12th house and the inner alchemist

I notice people with this placement become deeply aware of what frequencies they want to be around. Like if you want something that is more 'jolly, fun, and whimsical' you might search for it in your mind , and then you start to find it in your body. It starts with the spirit first, then you go into meditation to connect with this energy through the art of imagination. That 'jolly, fun, whimsical energy' could end up taking you to a cool coffee shop, end up taking you into a colorful shop with weird looking food , or hell may take you to the circus ! because what youre looking for is the feeling/energy not the 'thing' itself.

I love to say 12th housers are like the boy in this book called 'The Alchemist', where he wanted to look for a treasure to make all his dreams come true, ends up going on a long journey before he finally finds the treasure that was in his hometown all along. In the end he realized what he wanted wasnt about the treasure, the treasure was a symbol to what he wanted to do in his reality which he eventually did without the treasure itself. The treasure is the idea of the energy he wanted in his life, not the thing itself.

Because the imagination brings things to us, and all though we aren't able to explain exactly what it is we are looking for, we go into meditative states to jump into this reality (manifestation) and then follow it with our bodies. And one by one, piece by piece, we enter into the worlds of our psyche through the physical reality.

One thing I can say about 12th housers, you have to let go of the IDEA because it is just that, an IDEA. it is useful for when you are looking for the spirit/energy of the thing you are looking for.

Also since I brought up the alchemist. The story was about making a way for yourself no matter what obstacles you go through, no matter if you dont have that 'thing' you need to get there. You create your reality as you go.

the boy had a simple intention to go find this treasure because he believed it would allow him stop talk taking care of sheep (he was a sheep boy), he could travel all around the world, find a wife, and live the life of his dreams. He evidently did all of that without the treasure! He made a way without even thinking of it, because he knew since he had left his hometown and the sheep there was no other choice but to make something happen!

I believe 12th housers have that inner alchemist inside them, which is why they are so good at painting, drawing, and whatever other art you can name cause its a lot (lol).

12th housers are great at using these things to attract what they want in their life, they follow the frequency/energy knowingly and unknowingly. I call them he universes messengers because they rely messages to the collective without having to explain to us whats the message.

I notice 12th house individuals show this with their music. like I said with frequency a lot of them know the type of energy they wish to convey in their songs because thats the vibe they want to keep with them as they journey through life.

think of sza, a fellow 12th houser with 4 planets (venus,uranus, saturn, and neptune) and she is known to connect to a certain frequency that sounds like 'fairies, sirens, and anything magical' (im honestly referring to ctrl and her older works from 2013/14)

It can also be a 'curse' one type sza tweeted how singing 'supermodel' off her ctrl album 'summoned' the guy she was talking about in the song.

12th house rules over the subconscious, so sometimes your art can attract what you dont want to you. you have to move around it, learn how to use it as a repellant as it can attract fleas (I say this about pisces/neptune peeps a lot, y'all do tend to attract flies).

using your mind to control your reality can be mastered if you continue to heal the shadow. your shadow is just what you've been accustomed to believe that it is shameful, and cant be seen in the light.

the shadow is who you are, dont be ashamed and run from it.

blessings to all my 12th house individuals you guys have a wonderful gift inside that interesting brain of yours! keep it up.

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mondaymelon · 2 years ago

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meet me backstage.♡ (6reeze x gn!reader)

(written handcanon style with aether, xiao, venti, kazuha, heizou, and wanderer)

(a/n) this took me so long so im praying it doesnt flop (人´口`)

total wordcount - 3,382! (extra long since i wasnt able to post yesterday)

˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚

aether ♡

aether, or better known as starbound✩, is someone you've known for a long time, even before his debut as an idol.

you know his potential better than anyone, so it's no shock to you when his popularity skyrockets, and he's even able to form a band named 6reeze. But as he gains more and more fame, with shows, practice rehearsals, vocal and dance coaching, board meetings, tours, and fan meet-n-greets filling up any free space in his schedule, suddenly, you conversations and hangouts grow scarce.

so you're ecstatic when he invites you to one of his shows even gifting you vip front row tickets.

you've never actually been to one of his performances before, mostly because aether shoots it down each time, mumbling something about how it's "embarrassing beyond belief," his face and tips of his ears flushed red each time you bring it up.

you don't catch a wink of sleep the night before the show - too busy preparing all the fanmerch you've so lovingly compiled.

in the morning, you're blown away of how many people are gathered at the entrance, and by noon the crowd has just about settled into their concert seats - yours being in the very front row.

the performance blows you away - every part of it is immaculate. all of their moves are fluid and rhythmic, but still, aether is the one that stands out to you the most.

the way his golden hair whips back and forth as he moves, the way his eyes light up when he spots you in the crowd, the way his smooth voice rings out from the stage, and the way his face is flushed from effort as he dances to the beat. then, he extends his hand outward, blowing a kiss to the crowd, and about half of the audience squeals with excitement and swoons dramatically. and then, so subtle you almost miss it, he locks eyes with you and mouths silently, "meet me backstage."

and when you do, glancing around the rooms for any sight of the blonde man, something, or rather, someone, pulls you in, grabbing you gently by the wrist and pushing it against the wall. you're barely able to register aether's familiar golden hair and eyes before he leans forward, closing the gap between the two of you, his hot breath fanning your face as he presses his lips against yours. and just for a moment, everything fades away until the only thing you can see before you and the only thing you can feel is him. and only him.

"that kiss was for the crowd. this one was for you, sweetheart.♡"

xiao ♡

alatus was his stage name.

and he was cold to you, but that wasn't really a surprise to anyone. he was cold to many and all. and it wasn't like it bothered you, either. you were glad to know him.

so when you heard that the indifferent, unapproachable xiao was an idol, and in a group no less, it was utterly shocking. you just couldn't picture the male on a stage, dancing to pop music and sending crowds of fangirls swooning.

...okay, maybe you could imagine the last part. even you would admit that xiao was handsome. dark, silky smooth hair with startling teal highlights and honey-like amber eyes... it would just about sway anyone's resolve, not excluding yours.

as for your relationship with the man, the two of you had been classmates for years, and over that time you had grown pretty close to him, or at least, you'd like to think. you still kept in touch with him, and xiao occasionally invited you out to dinner or to come over, but it had been a while since the last invite. from what he had told you, his schedule had gotten a lot busier. it was a shame.

after a moment of thinking, you come to a brilliant idea - you'll attend xiao's next performance and surprise him! just imagining the shocked look on his face immediately brightens your mood.

so when you do settle in your front row seats, waving your glowing teal lightsticks, and xiao finally turns around and spots you, he does a complete double-take. his mouth hangs slightly open and his golden eyes widen by just a fraction, and you can see his confusion slowly spread across his face.

"what are you doing here??" he mouths to you frantically.

you just grin at him and cheer louder.

"ugh... you- meet me backstage after this."

that's what he had said. so why wasn't he here?? you had searched all the rooms up and down, bumping into several assistants on the way who sent you disapproving glances, yet you had yet to catch sight of the dark-haired male. you let out a long sigh, slumping your shoulders and preparing to give up when a low whispering of "over here." came from the closed door right across from you.

with a moment of hesitation, you swung open the door, only for someone to tug you inside and shut the door behind you, enveloping the room in darkness. through the faint light that filtered through the window, you could see the figure of xiao, his hand holding yours as he scowled at you.

"you surprised me, you know. i almost messed up my choreography."

"ah... sorry... it's just that we haven't been able to talk for a while and i was hoping that-"

something cut you off. but it wasn't xiao's voice, it was the sensation of his lips against yours, sending sparks flying across your skin. heart racing in your chest, you shoved him away, hands pushing against his chest. you glanced up at the man, trembling. "what- what was that for??"

"i had to shut you up somehow, didn't i♡ ?"

venti ♡

you're venti's roommate - so in short, you're his babysitter. and there's no end to the trouble he causes.

there were many a time where he would come home absolutely wasted, reeking of alcohol and red in the face as he stumbled around, usually waving an empty wine bottle about.

still, he kept up on work on his idol side of life. his stage name was barbatos, but his band members all deftly called him tone-deaf bard. for his group, 6reeze, he was one of the songwriters and the main vocalist. and his voice was no joke, it really was astounding. his vocal range was stellar and his voice was smooth - not to mention that he was always on key. so... yes. as reckless as he may be, venti still had his work going for him.

so when he finally invites you out to accompany him on one of his tours, you steadily agree, curious on how they’ll perform.

and you’re not disappointed.

their concert blows you away, the bright colors and shining lights, the stage effect and the wonderful choreography - everything is incredible, and you can feel your heart racing just looking at them, just hearing venti’s melodic voice singing out the lyrics that you’ve already memorized.

“fly you away, riding the day

open up your heart, darling

you’re a work of art~

and you’ll never have to be alone

cause we’re standing with you

just ring my number on your cell phone,

let’s raise our voices in song, yeah!”

maybe you’re imagining it, but you swear you can feel a gust of wind inside the stadium, blowing past you as venti continues to sing, the lyrics ringing out clearly. then, he twirls in a circle, sending the crowd a winking grin. as he meets eyes with you, he mouths you the words “meet me backstage after this~!” before sticking his tongue out and finishing the choreography.

following the rushing crowd outside, where they’re hoping to get one of 6reeze’s autographs, you instead head into the stage rooms, stepping inside and spotting the twin-braided man sitting on one of the tables, absent-mindingly spinning a pen around while kicking his legs back and forth. as he spots you, he drops his pen, teal eyes lighting up as he hops off the table and grips you into a hug.

“hehe, thanks for coming today!”

“it’s no problem at all. the performance was really good. i’m impressed.”

“then… if i did so well, can i have a little reward in return?”

“uhm… what do you-”

something warm presses against your face - venti, and you can feel your heart hammering in your chest as he leans forward and kisses you, grinning his usual carefree grin all the while, a light red dusting his face. it’s warm, unbelievably so, and you can feel the heat spreading across your body like wildfire. when he finally pulls way, he smiles at you.

“that was what i meant♡.”

kazuha ♡

kazuha had a way with words.

every syllable that left his mouth was elegantly phrased, the way the letters rolled off his tongue with such ease, and the way his voice just sent a wave of calm washing over you was almost addicting.

so when your closest friend became an idol named wanderai, a mix between the word wandering and samurai, you immediately decided to be one of his biggest fans. you frequently sent him fan letters, signing your name as "anon", always gushing about how flawless his movements and singing is, completely entranced. and he did respond, always sending you back small thank you’s and his polite gratitude. as courteous as he replies were, receiving his letters always made your day. scratch that, your entire week.

then you heard there would be a fan meet-n-greet after the next concert - so of course you had to attend! you sat through the entire performance, completely allured by kazuha's fluid dance movements throughout all of the songs and his rhyming verses. when its finally over, you try to rush ahead of the crowd, knowing full well that there will be a swarm of fangirls who will shove and push and... bite to get a earlier spot in line. it had happened before.

yet, despite your efforts, you aren't able to get the first spot in line, or any of the first spots. instead, you're stuck in the back, thirty-ish place or so. it's not that bad, per say, but you had wanted to get to meet your favorite idol before he lost too much steam from having to answer hundreds of ravenous fans. it would have to do.

when you finally reach the front of the line, he smiles up at you politely, giving you a little wave from where he's sitting. "hello there."

"hey, wanderai! uhm..." you give him a letter - your piece of mail that you've prepared just for this moment. "i'm anon. thanks for... well, you know, existing, i guess." you stop there, already awkward. "a-anyways- i'm sure there's a lot of people behind me, so i'll save you the time and-"

"you're... anon??" the male's eyes widen as he takes the envelope, freezing his movements. he glances up to you, almost unbelievably, and just blinks.

"ah... yeah, that's me. didn't expect me to be here, did you?"

kazuha smiled, shaking his head. "it's a pleasant surprise. actually, after this..." he makes a gesturing motion, ushering you in, and lean forward as he whispers into your ear, "once i'm done with this, meet me backstage. please, wait for me."

"of course! then... i'll take my leave. th-thank you!" you dash away, face flushed red from the close contact, hoping that you didn't come off as too... fanatic.

and you wait. it takes a while, but that's too be expected. it's only been about half an hour, a lot shorter than you had predicted, when the white-haired male peeks inside the room, smiling when he spots you. "you're here."

"well, you told me to wait, so..." you laugh nervously, still blushing from the memory of kazuha's whispering voice gracing your ear. shaking your head, you grinned. "so, what was it that you wanted?"

"this."

then he moves in, his soft lips pressing against the side of your flushed face, his own expression quite red himself. he pulls away as quickly as he comes, glancing down at the ground as his face burns. "wh-what-" you can feel your heart rate increasing to rapid levels as you just stand there, eyes wide and trembling.

"that was a thank you, anon. for being by my side for all of this time♡."

heizou ♡

heizou is a clever man, even when he doesn't try.

and he's smart enough to hide his identity from you, especially since he knows that you'll completely lose your mind if you ever do find out. and it's only a matter of time until you find out that he's actually shiki, part of the world-famous boyband 6reeze. he's been lucky enough already that you aren't that much of an avid idol fanatic.

the two of you are sitting in the main room, one of his arms lazily across your shoulders as the two of you watch the television. heizou has a day off, and what better way to spend it than by doing absolutely nothing with his favorite person?

that's when everything just goes wrong.

you're bored at the constant torrent of ads, so you grab the remote from off the coffee table and start browsing through the channels, casually trying to find something better to watch. as you surf through the endless options, a familiar head of wine red catches your eye.

heizou spots it too, and immediately cringes, hoping you haven't seen it, but it's already too late. you glance at him, then at the tv screen where it's showing a close up of his face. "heizou... are you... did you commit some crime and is this your mugshot??"

"ah- well-" the usually level-headed man is trying his best to keep in his laughter at your absolutely confused expression. "it's not like that-"

"...heizou. you can be honest. tell me. am i harboring a criminal right now???" you turn the tv volume down - thank the archons - and turn to stare at the man with blown eyes.

"listen... they just are... interviewing me. for something." heizou's hammering heart had started to go down, thank the archons yet again, yet he was still a little red in the face and blinking a little faster than normal - all things that you noted silently.

"reaaalllyyy?" you sent the man a questioning look. turning up the tv volume again, the news interviewers voices were loud and clear.

"now then, shiki, how has this idol career affected your life?"

heizou watched in horror as he saw himself laugh slightly on the screen. "well, it's certainly made many things more awkward and embarrassing when meeting up with friends and family... but for the most part, it's been really rewarding! especially being able to meet so many great people, and by that i mean, my wonderful bandmates, of course!"

"oh? embarrassing, you say?"

"yeah. they always tease me about it too, but its always fun to meet up with them afterwards backstage. they sometimes even bring me flowers or snacks."

you turned off the tv, watching the monitor blink into black. you just sat there, hand on the remote and not moving. a gradual silence settled over the two of you. "...why, heizou? why didn't you tell me...? i would've helped you any way i could've!"

"...love. it's not like that. i just... i just didn't want to make things more awkward between us. i promise."

"how do i know you aren't just lying to me again?"

"then will this help convince you?"

and just like that, he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you to his embrace as he meets his mouth to yours. he catches you by surprise, even surprising himself.

thump. thump. thump.

the motion seemed to lift you up into the air and drop you somewhere high above the clouds, all you could feel was indescribable warmth and you could feel your face burn under his soft touch.

"h-heizou...!"

"is that enough of a reason to trust me one more time♡ ?"

wanderer ♡

as a good friend of all of 6reeze, you've also gotten to be pretty close with scaramouche. or, at least, that was what you called him.

if you really had to, you would call him kuni, or maybe even wanderer. but to you, kuni had always been scaramouche. the man had been part of a past idol group that he had quit a while back, and just recently had he joined 6reeze, where he had been named wanderer. yet to you, as a devoted follower of his past band, and himself, you still couldn't bring yourself to not think of him as scaramouche.

having only woken up seconds ago, you bring the constant ringing of your phone, which is buzzing away on your nightstand, to your attention.

"...hello?" you pick up the call, voice still groggy.

"what's up with you? just woken up?" scaramouche's usual tone of voice greets you. you can tell he's sneering just from the sound of it.

"...yeah, actually. half a minute ago."

"...it's two. in the afternoon."

"okay, and?"

"...you're hopeless. i was going to invite you to one of my concerts, but..." you could hear him shrug on the other side of the call, the sound of fabric rustling. "i'm not sure if i want to anymore."

you hastily sit upright, pulling on whatever you can find from your wardrobe before speedily making yourself as presentable as possible. "nono, i'm awake! it was a joke. IT WAS A JOKE!!"

you can hear the man scoff. "fine. here. i'll send the digital tickets your way. it's tonight. don't miss it." with that, he hangs up.

it takes you a while to get things prepared, and its almost already time when you do. quickly gathering up your things, you're able to make it to the concert hall in time to give the male a little wave before he heads onstage.

he acts like he doesn't see you, but that farce crumbles when he just scowls, embarrassed, before mouthing, "meet me backstage after."

so you do.

after the show passes, the event containing several songs that all shared a similar theme. maybe it was because white day was coming up, but there were a surprising amount of… well, love songs. romance. it wasn't in scaramouche's nature, or you should say wanderer's, to sing those kinds of songs. you were already shocked enough that he had agreed. needless to say, the concert was flawless, and the audience seemed to think so too, wildly cheering and screaming out their favorite members' names. it was almost entertaining to watch.

"heeellooo? anybody there?" you peer about the empty rooms, wondering if your conscious has failed you. maybe scaramouche hadn't told you to go backstage after? maybe your brain just imagined it and was playing tricks on you?

those thoughts all dissipated as you rounded a corner and spotted the man sitting at one of the round tables. as his violet eyes landed on you, he let a small half-smile crack across his face. "it seems that our late contender has finally made it. took you long enough."

"hey!" he always acted like this, and it seemed that today, as lucky as it was, was not an exception. "nevermind that- why did you want me to come here again?"

"ah-" the boy suddenly looked a lot more... shy? that was not a typical sight. "i-i actually have something for you."

"oh?" now you were interested. this was not a normal occurrence by any means.

"here." he reached into his bag, which was sitting on the table, and pulled out a small wrapped box. "don't expect anything big, okay? i just got it because i... felt like it." with that, he handed you the box and watched you unwrap it with a nervous expression.

"it's a... necklace?" you stared in amazement as you held the pendant up to the light, watching the tear-drop shaped sapphire and amethyst shard glimmer with a thousand colors.

"do you like it?"

"more than anything." you smile, placing it around your neck and securing the locking chain in the back. "does it look good on me?"

"you don't even have to ask to know my answer, idiot♡."

masterlist ✩

@lume-nosity come get your kazuha and xiao ♡

@dizzy-sekai oh hey its your husband✩

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cupoftaae · 2 years ago

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Growing Pains (KTH drabble)

Summary- You and Taehyung discover the struggles of parenthood as you take on the task of raising your 3 month old daughter, Kiyomi.

Warnings- mentions of postpartum struggles and attachment issues

word count- 1.6k

A/N- Hi guys! so after Ladybug got so much love I decided to make a another drabble to continue their storyline, this takes place months after their daughter is born. Hope you enjoy it!

Taehyung woke up to the sounds of crying. He sat up and looked over at his clock, it was 4:32am, and you werent in the bed.

Groaning, he pushed the covers back and began walking down the hall into his daughters room, finding you on the floor with her in your arms.

"Im sorry we woke you, go back to bed" you whisper, noticing the sudden appearance of your husband in the room. "are you guys alright?" he asked, ignoring your previous demand as he walked further in and sat next to you, eyes still sleepy from the abrupt awakening.

You sigh and gently rock the small baby in your arms as she wailed, becoming frustrated yourself. "she wont stop" you exhale, finally looking at taehyung. "maybe shes hungry?" he suggested, moving his hand to wipe away his baby's tears.

"She wont latch...so I dont think she is...I also changed her and put her in a lighter onesie incase she was too hot" you gesture to the new outfit on Kiyomi, of course taehyung smiled at the ladybug printed fabric.

"let me see her" he whispered, gently taking the frail 3 month old out of your arms. "Hi baby, you giving mommy a hard time again?" he kissed all over her face before pulling her against him, her tiny head resting on his shoulder as his hand rubbed her back.

"im so tired" your hands run over the front of your face, knowing you return to work tomorrow afternoon and not only would you be exhausted, you would be missing your baby.

Since Kiyomi was born, youve been home every single day making sure she was taken care of, of course Taehyung has been an excellent help as well, and you probably wouldnt have been able to do this without him, yet at the same time you couldnt express your fears of going back to work after maternity leave....you didnt want to let him down or make him feel like you didnt trust him. It wasnt ever about trust, it was about going hours and hours without being able to make sure your daughter was okay. What happens if she needs mommy? What happens if she starts to cry and he cant differentiate it from a hunger cry, dirty diaper cry, or a tired cry?

"go back to sleep, i'll take care of her" he yawned and stood up, one hand reaching down to help you to your feet.

"I cant sleep" you sigh, walking over to rearrange her crib and the blankets. "cant we just keep her in our room tonight? she can sleep in our bed" you finish.

Taehyung gently rocked her around as he paced the room, the small cries slowing down. "baby I thought we agreed its better for her to be in her own room, she is gonna be too dependant on us.....and why cant you sleep? you just said you were tired-"

"because I have a list of things I need to do Taehyung!" you turn around, "I have to pump because she didnt want to eat, and I need to make sure you have enough milk for tomorrow, plus extra just incase, and then I need to put my work clothes in the washer because I forgot, then dry them, and you know what?" you throw your hands up as you walked over and took your daughter "shes only 3 months old, theres no harm in having her in our bed, who cares! she wont even remember anyways" you scoff and walk out of the room.

You didnt mean to snap on him like that, in fact you felt bad as soon as you left her bedroom. Taehyung is a great dad and an even better husband, but you still found yourself unable to stay calm when the list of things piled on, you didnt know how everything was going to go tomorrow, and you were stressed.

"hey...Im sorry if I said anything to upset you" he whispered as he finally walked into your shared bedroom, his daughter now asleep on the comforter as you sat and tried to pump milk.

sighing, you turn to look at him. "I didnt mean to act like that...you didnt do anything wrong, im just on edge"

He slowly walked over and sat on the bed next to you, careful of the sleeping baby in front of him. "whats going on, sweetheart?"

You didnt respond right away, instead you shrugged and looked down at Kiyomi, feeling those stupid tears resurface to your eyes again. "talk to me angel..." he rubbed your back.

"I dont want to leave her" you spoke in a choked whisper, wiping your cheek quickly. "What do you mean?" he calmly responded.

"Work tomorrow, I dont want to go....I havent been away from her since she was born. Ive had 3 months but im not ready." you take a breath, gathering your thoughts. "I went to the supermarket yesterday to buy dinner by myself, and almost had a panic attack because I realized she wasnt with me"

"my love, its okay to feel like this you know?" he rubbed your back softly, his chest tightening upon hearing your struggles. "sounds like you might be experiencing some separation anxiety,"

"I wanna work from home" you protest, shaking your head. "I cant leave her, and Its not about you not being a good parent- because you are so good, probably better than me" you chuckle lightly, "I just need it for myself....I need to see her. I spent 9 months taking care of her, I knew where she was at all times, and now that shes actually here I get so worried something will happen"

"i know sweetheart, I know" his hand ran through your hair as you spoke, "If you really want to look for a job that allows you to work from home, i'll support you all the way, you know that....but I really think its important to go tomorrow at least, to tell them about whats going on"

You leaned against your husband, glad he was supporting you in such a vulnerable moment. "why cant I just call them tomorrow?" you sniffle

"because I think its good to just go in, the smaller steps you take, even if its just a day, will probably make things easier for you."

"mm....just tomorrow?" you look at him

"Just tomorrow, then you dont ever have to see that place if you dont want to, you can stay home and i'll pamper you both"

You giggled and shook your head, "no, I wanna work....just not outside the house"

"and I support that" he gently lifted your chin so he could kiss you.

You smiled and kissed him back, watching him carefully as you pulled away.

"You are so beautiful, I swear motherhood made you even more attractive than you already were" he grinned

you raised an eyebrow, looking down at yourself before looking at him, "are you kidding me? I have a suction cup attached to my tit right now, and my hair needs to be washed....dont even try to say I look good" you shook your head as you noticed the bottle was full, taking off the pump and pulling your shirt down as you crewed the cap on.

"Ah you dont see yourself how I see you, the fact you go through so much for our baby is what is beautiful to me, and just for the record, you could never shower again and i'd buy all the nose plugs in the world just so I could be near you and call you cute"

"shut uppppp" you whine and lean against the pillow, "thanks though....fatherhood looks good on you"

"now thank you, but we both can tell that its not physically" he laughed and stood, putting his hands on his belly. "sympathy weight" he patted his stomach, making you laugh.

"Hey, I didnt do that to you!" you retort

"Yes! you insisted that I eat with you every time you had a craving, and what did I do?"

"ate with me" you smile

"yeah, except you were eating and it went to the baby" he chuckled, "mine went to my stomach area"

"hey I think dad bods are sexy" you nudge him

he rolled his eyes jokingly and wrapped you in his embrace, both of you looking down at your finally sleeping daughter.

"next kid, you deal with those cravings alone" he teased, hand gently squeezing you closer.

You smiled brightly at his words, you couldnt handle another child right now, especially with your current mental state, but you knew in the next 3 years you would enjoy having a second baby.

"thats not gonna be for a while bubs, relax" you patted his thigh

"what if she gets lonely" he looks at you

"are you serious" you laugh, squishing his face "shes 3 months, plus she has us, and tannie. I promise she will be well entertained until we have another kid"

He huffed and slouched down, making you giggle.

He sat up and grabbed his phone, turning the video on as he began filming his sleeping baby. "I havent recorded anything in a bit, well thats a lie, I recorded her yesterday when I was playing airplane and she ended up puking on me"

Your giggles are heard off camera before he faces it towards you "Oh its funny huh?"

"shh, youre gonna wake her" you quickly cover the camera to hide yourself before he continues to ramble on about your baby. He's been doing this since that day you both found out you were expecting Kiyomi, and it still warms your heart to see a man so in love with his creation of life.

He was your rock, and she was your ladybug, and perhaps you would be okay after all.

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