#like i feel like if you're not having fun you can just go do something else ?

[woso-dreamzzz]

Breakfast VIII

Ellie Carpenter x Daniëlle van de Donk x Child!Reader

Summary: You look after Ellie

"Yeah, I mean, obviously Daan and I have a kid so our holidays are a little different. We have to cater more to y/n and her needs rather than our own. But, yeah, we make sure our daughter has a lot of fun when we go on trips."

It's such a throwaway comment that Daan can't believe it's become this big thing. No one had ever seemed to care when Beth said a similar thing about you during the days the two of you were at Arsenal.

It's strange that people suddenly have an issue with it when Ellie says it.

But, for some reason, people do have an issue. As if Ellie coming into your life later meant that you and her weren't mother and daughter, as if Daan would plan to marry someone that couldn't bring herself to fill a maternal role in your life.

She shakes her head dismissively as she looks up from Ellie's phone and the doom scrolling her partner had gone through last night.

"They're stupid," Daan says," And strangers saying crap on the internet has no baring on how we're raising our daughter. Okay? No matter what they say, you feeling like y/n's mother isn't wrong and it isn't weird. You're her mother and she's your daughter, alright?"

It's strange to see Ellie so insecure about something. It's not a feeling that Daan likes at all.

"I think so. You think so. Y/n thinks so."

"Does she?" Ellie says back," I just...I don't know, Daan. Does she really?"

"You know she does," Daan insists," Ellie, that girl adores you even if she tries to hide it. She loves you. Who else will try to convince me to get her a gerbil?"

"Pets are good for kids! She's old enough now to understand responsibility."

Daan laughs. "There you go. Having a conversation with me that my parents had when I was younger. You're a good mum, Ellie. No matter what strangers on the internet say."

"I know," Ellie says, putting on a bright smile that Daan can see through easily," I'm just being a bit silly. I know. I promise."

Daan chooses not to push it, dropping a soft kiss to Ellie's lips before heading off towards your bedroom.

You're sitting on the bed, playing with some of the action figures you got for Christmas.

"Hey," Daan says," I'm heading out soon. You promise you'll be good for your Mum?"

You rolls your eyes, huffing and puffing like Daan's interrupted you in the middle of a test instead of just a casual game with your toys.

"I'll be good for Ellie."

"You promise?"

"Yeah."

"Hey..." Daan crouches next to you, hand reaching out to touch your cheek. "Your Mum needs you to be extra good tonight, alright? She...She's feeling a little down right now so, please, just...be good."

Your brow furrows in confusion at how serious Daan sounds and you find yourself nodding.

"I'll be good for Ellie. I promise."

Daan smiles. "Good girl. I should be back later but you'll already be in bed. I love you."

"Love you too."

Ellie hadn't really expected for you to emerge from your room until dinner, too engrossed in making your Autobots fight the Decepticons but here you are, standing in front of her.

"You okay, pipsqueak?"

The thunder crashes before you can speak and you nearly jumped into Ellie's arms.

"Do you think Mumma is okay?" You say," Out in the storm? She gets scared, you know."

"Daan gets scared or you get scared?"

You purse your lips, trying to give an air of indifference that isn't nearly as convincing as you think it is. "I'm a big girl. I'm not scared of anything."

Another crash of thunder has you flinching and Ellie takes pity on you.

"I think Daan is just fine. She'll come home if she's scared."

"Good." You nod. "That's...That's good. She should do that."

Ellie shrugs. "And, you know, when I'm scared of storms, I usually build a fort. That usually helps."

"Right..." You eye the rain soaked windows warily. "You should...You should tell Mumma..."

"Or," Ellie suggests," We can build a fort here...now, for her when she comes back? Would you like that?"

"For Mumma," You make sure to say," Of course."

Ellie bites down her laugh. "For Daan, yes. Because Daan's the one scared of storms."

"Yes. I'll..." You grit your teeth as thunder crashes again and lightning flashes outside. "I'll grab some blankets."

It doesn't take long at all for the fort to be finished, even if it falls multiple times because of the sudden bouts of thunder that make you jump even if you deny it.

"I...I'm not scared," You say, teeth chattering anxiously as you lay on Ellie's chest in the fort," I'm...I'm just doing this so you don't get scared like Mumma does."

"You're doing a good job," Ellie tells you, gentle hands carding through your hair softly," You're making sure I'm not scared at all."

"Mumma said you were feeling down but it's okay," You continue," I...I won't let the storm get you."

"I...Daan said that about me?"

"I don't know how Mumma already knew about the storm but it's okay. I've got you."

Ellie smiles down at you. "I...Thanks, y/n."

"Of course, Mum," You say," I'll protect you."

[theonewhopoops]

Adding my only thought because of the term "cutesy" in regards to the joy sparking: that IS also an important aspect of letting go of the survival mentality. Her idea of whether or not something sparks joy is also made fun of and disrespected, but when you've lived your whole life in poverty - using things you picked up off the sidewalk or by a dumpster, or living off hand-me-downs, or grabbing something from a thrift store that wasn't what you wanted but it will work you guess, or buying something from Walmart or the dollar store because it's the cheapest option you could find, all while living in shitty rented apartments that you don't get to paint or customize or fix or renovate.... it makes life miserable. It makes Stuff about utilitarian necessity and it surrounds you with shit you hate because you NEED it.

When you're surrounded by shitty garbage that you hate, and you have to use things that are cheap or flimsy or they suck or they're ugly, it makes you feel like nothing you do ever makes a difference. It makes you feel like nothing will ever be better because everywhere you turn, something sucks, and no matter how many needs you meet, nothing feels better, and nothing is ever easier. It's hard to care about your space when it feels like nothing is YOURS and nothing MATTERS, and you feel like shit all the time, AND there's SO MUCH OF IT EVERYWHERE!!!

Just the very nature of having things you like in your home is a huge difference. And when you aren't hoarding because you're surviving, you can start picking the items you like and letting the others go. Like, you can finally get rid of the cheap plastic plates and cups that you never really liked using and they all have damage or they smell kinda weird, and instead you keep the handful of nice ceramic plates and you keep the coffee mug that you received as a birthday gift. Things like that. The "does it spark joy" mentality is actually really important when you're trying to rewire your brain out of survival mode, too.

All this being said, I am not disagreeing with OP in any way really, just adding on. Marie Kondo has been memed on and disrespected in a lot of ways by a lot of people, but her guidance and psychological advice around cleaning and decluttering is genuinely spot-on from top to bottom.

you know, the more i think about it, the angrier i get about how mainstream media and even people in general treated marie kondo when the life changing magic of tidying up got big. it's just so unnecessary and sad to me and i think the vast majority of people would love what she has to say if they just actually looked into it instead of maliciously memeing her to death? i'm not talking about the cutesy does it spark joy stuff but all the things portraying her as some bizarre evil cleaning dictator.

i actually read her book when i was about twelve years old, in the most shocking and probably only example of me ever being ahead of a trend, and even at twelve i really loved everything she said. at that point in time i lived in fear of my mother's threats that she would come and throw everything away while i was school, and my small and very adhd mind simply could not grasp the concept of "have less stuff". have less of WHICH stuff? how? i'd never actually been taught how to clean my room besides being told "pick up stuff" and "be organized", and as she points out multiple times, cleaning is not an intuitive thing. it's a learned behavior and skill.

anyways. her entire philosophy centers on surrounding yourself with things that you love, and only things that you love (or things that you absolutely need). she explicitly says over and over again that it is not about throwing things away, it is not about minimalism, it is not about "what is the smallest amount possible that you can survive on". she literally has a whole section where she talks about how hard it can be to throw things away when you've lived in poverty all your life and you don't have absolute confidence that you can replace something that you really needed if it gets thrown out, even though you're not likely to ever really need it--you've just been conditioned to think that because that's literally how you survive, when you're poor. she talks about how that mindset can serve and how it can damage. she talks about how minimalism is sort of a rich people thing, cause they can afford to throw everything away.

this woman really came out here and said "i want you to be surrounded by things you love and i'm going to validate your fears and your difficulties in getting to that place" and people somehow got mad at her. i don't understand it

[baambied]

⁺‧₊˚ 𝑺𝑬𝑽𝑰𝑲𝑨 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑷𝑹𝑬𝑮𝑵𝑨𝑵𝑻 𝑾𝑰𝑭𝑬

𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

cw little nsfw at the end cursing sevika is protective / possessive even reader is pregnant

sevika ✗ pregnant!reader

m.list

𓇢𓆸 sevika has always ever been protective over you. It was in her nature...her possessive acts would come off so naturally you wouldn't even notice most times..she had always been protective over you.

𓇢𓆸 for example, when you and sevika are both out at a friend's get together having a fun time, talking to people and drinking, anytime a man would come up to you attemting to strike up a conversation, she'd make sure her arm is tightly secured around your waist, moving you closer to her.

𓇢𓆸 or when the two of you are walking down the sidewalk, she'd make sure she's walking on the edge part near the street while you walk on the inside.

𓇢𓆸 and when you tell her you're going out late at night with some friends - which she doesn't mind, she'd walk you to your car (that's literally in the driveway) and give you a small bottle of pepper spray to use just in case anyone tries something slick on you.

𓇢𓆸 or when you're both at a bar and a fight breaks loose across the room, sevika won't hesitate to pull you behind her, blocking your view and making sure you dont get hurt.

𓇢𓆸 but once she finds out you're pregnant, her protective nature intensifies from 100 to 200 real quick, as much as she wants to just hold you in her grasp, keep you in her eyesight at all times, have you around her 24/7....she doesn't...she doesn't want you to feel coddled and overwhelmed by her actions, sevika is aware that you aren't fragile and can take care of yourself but she genuinely can't help it.

𓇢𓆸 also, she actually found out about your pregnancy before you had a chance to tell her.. you clumsily and accidentally leaving the pregnancy test in the most obvious hiding place in the bedroom.. safe to say she kinda freaked out, for days anytime you'd talk to her she would respond while slightly stumbling over her words, or when you two are having a conversation her gray eyes would always be on you flat stomach

𓇢𓆸 she knew you wanted to tell her yourself so she didn't say anything to you about it...but her staring increased more..her protective nature began to slowly as well.

𓇢𓆸 one day you were gonna wash the dishes but before you could get your hands wet, sevika hops up in her seat volunteering to do it instead, or when you walk up the stairs sevika is suddenly behind you making sure you dont fall..you were confused about this sudden change not knowing sevika knew about the growing baby in you belly.

"sevi...i have something to tell you.." Your soft meek voice spoke out over the sounds playing on the living room television, you stood near sevika who sat on the couch, her gray eyes staring at the misplaced shoes beside your feet..anxiously her leg bounced up and down at the thought of you tripping or falling over because of it..

something so small like a pair of shoes causing her to get this anxious was beyond her.

sevika hummed at your words, you take a deep breath in and close your eyes...slowly bringing the pregnancy test that sevika seen 2 weeks ago out from behind you..

silence engulfed the room, the nervous butterfly pit in your stomach growing stronger.

"oh baby that's- lemme just.." sevika's fumbling words coming out strained as she stood up and bent down, picking up the pair of burgundy Mary Jane heels.

"doll, you have to stop leaving your shoes around - you..you could have tripped just now hurting you and the baby.." sevika scolded in a gruff but also soft tone.

"huh?" You open your eyes in utter confusion, watching as sevika place your heels near the wall "what- how did you-" you stutter out words, trying to make sense of sevika saying 'baby' as if she had already processes the news of your pregnancy....than it clicked.

"did you know this whole time?"

sevika's movements came to a halt, slowly turning to face you.

her eyes a little wide as her lips were parted, you could tell by her expression she was attempting to explain herself but still thinking of the rights words to use.

"wow! baby! you're pregnant?! i had no idea I'm so-"

"sevika.."

silence was heard onec more in the room for awhile.

"yeah...i knew.."

You couldn't help but laugh at sevika's sentence. Those nervous butterflies in your stomach were now replaced with soft, pretty flowers as you finally realized why sevika had grown extra protective over you these last 2 weeks, you couldn't help but feel all warm inside as you stepped forward throwing yourself in sevika's arms, her buff arms wrapping around your smaller figure, the words 'careful!' escaping her lips.

𓇢𓆸 when your pregnancy symptoms start to get stronger over the next month, things began to change...a tote bag filled with essentials you used to bring everywhere with you now held onto sevika's shoulder anytime you two were out..sure sevika felt weird carrying a light pink bag but if it was for you she didn't mind.

��𓆸 she'd even carry flats anytime you'd go out in those small heels you liked, now knowing how sore your sensitive feet could get due to the pregnancy.

𓇢𓆸 her face would visibly cringe anytime she saw you moving around fast in your shared home - not in a bad way more of a worried way...she doesn't want you to accidentally hurt yourself even though you insist you're fine and need no help.

𓇢𓆸 one day, while you were walking around the kitchen table, your arm hit the sharp edge of it, causing you to hiss in pain for a small second...even though the pain was small it didn't stop sevika from holding you in her chest while muttering out "are you okay?" The next day, when you woke up in the morning, your eyes couldn't help but notice that all of the sharp edges from tables , desk, counters...were all covered in tape and cloth to create a round smooth area.

𓇢𓆸 sevika, who used to go out almost every friday with her co-workers from work, stopped that routine, and stayed home with you instead..which made you incredibly happy has this gave you through chance to do some fun skin care, or watch cute movies with her.

"yo! sevika! we're all going down to the last drop for drinks! margot paying .. you comin' ?"

"Nah, imma sit this one out? i already got plans.." sevika states knowing that these "plans" consist of you putting a clay face mask on her face.. while her hair is up in two pigtails so it can stay out of her face with a cheesy 2000s romcom playing in the background.

𓇢𓆸 sevika, who now does all the cooking every night, she doesn't want you hurting yourself as you attemt to reach for seasoning in the high cabinets or something worst..she'd look through cooking books for recipes good for pregancy.. she'd also buy pregnancy books so she could learn more about the process and what good for you and stuff that isn't.

𓇢𓆸 sevika, who had gotten used to your constant mood swings, you randomly snap at her in anger.. She'd take it like a champ, being the calmest person ever knowing you don't really mean what you say, and of course giving you the space you desire.

𓇢𓆸 sevika, who makes sure you take your vitamins every day and at the right times as well.

𓇢𓆸 sevika would feel so insanely bad when you're in pain, and there is nothing she can do to make you feel better, she'd cuddle you and whisper soft, sweet things in your ears and give u gentle kisses on your neck though.

𓇢𓆸 she adores your swollen baby bump, watching it grow bigger as the months progressed..her hand roaming around your big belly, smiling each time she felt a kick, even leaving soft kisses all around your swollen belly.

𓇢𓆸 but she's also the type to grow protective over your swollen baby bump, she absolutely hates when you two are out in public and she sees an unknown hand reaching to your belly, now you on the other hand don't mind as long as they ask for permission, but there are times when you get overwhelmed by the attention.

you and sevika sat in the waiting room of your doctor's office. .It was time for your daily prenatal visit.. and the woman sitting beside just so happen to see your pregnant belly immediately started cooing at it and giving you many questions like "How far along are you?"Is it a boy or a girl?"

you scrunch your face up in discomfort. . .not really in the best mood for this type of interaction, which your wife - sevika clearly notices.

and without asking .. the middle-aged woman's hand slowly made its way to your pregnant stomach, your face immediately frowning at the sudden contact that only lasted for 2 seconds before sevika grabbed the women hand away roughly glaring "did you fuckin' ask first?" she sneered in disgust.

and that was just with some random lady.. God help any man who tries to talk to you.

𓇢𓆸 she is also the type to make the baby listen to music through her headphones saying "you gotta teach them young"

"vika? what are you doing?"

you ask as you eyed your wife who was crouching down in front of you with big black headphones on each side of your stomach, you giggle slightly at feeling of vibrations from the music playing in the headphones.

"he's listening to music.."

"sev, i don't think our baby is gonna like old jazz music.."

"he's kicking to the beat!"

𓇢𓆸 she's definitely the type to read whatever pregnancy book she can get her hands on once your bump starts growing bigger, writing small questions and notes she'd ask the doctor during appointments.

𓇢𓆸 every little wish you had was sevika's command..you want take out at 2am in the morning? sevika is already on the phone ordering chinese. you say your body is sore? sevika already has massage oils in her hand telling you to lay down. . You're craving beef jerky at 5 am? sevika already has her car keys in her hand, ready to drive to the nearest 7/11.

𓇢𓆸 at night, she'd talked to the baby (your belly) when you were asleep, expressing her fears and self doubts, your due date was getting closer and closer as the months progressed these feelings hit her like a train on the railroad tracks..she didn't know if she'd be a good parent when she herself had a hard relationship with her's..her mother always working not having time for her...her and her father never seeing eye to eye, these thoughts engulfed her.

she knew for a fact that you would be such a wonderful mother, but she just couldn't help but get in her head about herself.

sometimes you'd wake up during these moments, by her soft voice and gentle touch, catching her whispers through the midnight air . . seeing how vulnerable she was - felt, you bring her head into your chest, her stronger - bigger figure over your chest as she let you cuddle her..listening to the soft reassuring words you spoke into her ears..everything she needed to hear.

𓇢𓇢𓆸 even though aftercare was already a big thing for sevika, but it grew bigger when you got pregnant..after the two of you are done, she'd immediately ask you if you were alright while leaving breathy kisses all over your sweaty body..softly massaging yout thighs that were once around her waist.

she'd get up and go to the bathroom to run a warm bath for you, putting in your favorite scents and lighting a lavender scented candle....she had read somewhere how that scent tends to calm people down..she'd get in the bath with you, rubbing your body with a cloth, washing your hair even though you told her you could do it yourself she still insisted.

𓇢𓇢𓆸 when she found out hormonal changes can cause your skin to get more sensitive, she would use this to her advantage when it came to.....things....

"f-fuck- sevika! ahh!" Your soft moans could be heard throughout the living room, bouncing off the walls and back, your fingers squeezing sevika's hair as her mouth sucked roughly on your swollen nipple, you could feel her saliva running down your chest, you could feel the groans she let out every time you roughly tugged the strands of her hair

you sat on the edge of the couch, back arched in sevika's face, who was on her knees in front of you.

"feels so- ah! g-good. " You hadn't even realized how sensitive your body had become over time due to your pregnancy, not until sevika's hot mouth made it way around your tits..

one of her hands wrapped around your left tit, thumb moving against your nipple which caused your body to shudder at the feeling, not only your nipples but your skin as a whole was just all to sensitive...everywhere her hands touched had you letting out whines and moans.

𓇢𓇢𓆸 when your belly finally started to grow, your hunger increased, you were eating for two now and you couldn't help but express some insecurity in your new weight gain because of it..one time standing infront of the body mirror in your bedroom with a frown on your face..sevika caught you asking what's wrong...she herself frowning at your words.

why couldn't you see how beautiful you looked? that natural pregnancy glow on your face?

next thing you know . . . you're laying on your side, damp face buried in a pillow as sevika's 8 inch strap slid in and out of your soaked, wet cunt in a fast pace your hands fisting the white sheets .... all that could be heard throughout the bedroom was the wet sticky sounds of her strap moving in and out of you, grunts and whimpers echoing in the humid air.

the scene was dirty, sweaty so fucking sinful ...... but all you heard in your ears was sevika's sweet words , her sweet - soft words she spoke to you as if she wasn't 8 inches deep inside of your pussy.

she praised you.

saying how radiant you looked waking up every morning, how every time she saw your face - no matter how you looked...no matter what you were doing..she always thought you looked breathtaking.

[star2fishmeg]

i can’t even lie i’m the biggest fan of angst to comfort with luke, could you possibly do something with that💕:)

His door opens cautiously, curls unruly and slept on, t-shirt crumpled but when his sleepy eyes fall upon you, he stands up straight, instantly flattening his hair with his palm and opening the door wider. He can't decide whether you look miserable or relieved, your lips quivering yet your shoulders are perfectly relaxed. Hell, he just woke up from a nap, he can't decide anything.

"Y/n? What are you doing- I thought you were going on that date?" he croaks, voice husky. He steps aside, allowing you to shuffle in and remove your shoes.

You're inside a safety net. You feel your eyes well and meet Luke timidly. His face softens, strong arms engulfing you, and suddenly, the world falls silent, and the wall you built crumbles in his hold. Your ear presses to his chest, the tears falling from your eyes soaking into his t-shirt. His grip tightens, his hand stroking your hair delicately.

"...I cancelled. It's over. I made the wrong choice, Lu." You cry with a breaking voice, but you're crying and let the emotions pour out your chest with heat flushed to your cheeks, "I'm such a fucking idiot."

If hearts could physically shatter, Luke's would have. Into a million finite pieces on the floor. His feet start moving backwards, yours following his guidance until his knees hit the sofa, pulling you onto his lap, swinging your legs over and cradling your body to his chest.

His words are gentle and thoughtful, his tone calm and his heart thunders in his chest. You've come to him. Expected considering you've been good friends since college, but you came to him for comfort. "No, no, you're not an idiot. Talk to me, I'm all ears. Why'd you cancel? You were so excited."

God, you hate that he was right. You were excited. The butterflies, the compliments, the dates, they were fun, they felt good, filled with adoration. Yet, the guy never felt right. Like an imposter, like you were supposed to be sharing those moments with someone else, someone who loved you regardless of anything. Someone who actually had an interest in you.

"I thought about it. I thought I was excited but turns out not about the guy, he’s not…he’s not anything to me. All the fun little dates were exciting, spending time and just, I don't know, being part of these other couples around me, but honestly..." your sobbing stutters as your tears roll violently down your cheeks, but it's hard to fall apart when Luke's cradling you so securely.

You tilt your chin up, peering up at him with red eyes but he's already gazing at you. He brushes loose strands of your hair out of your face, with such a featherlight touch it feels like he's sporting a halo above his head. He cups your cheek and his thumb soothing over your cheekbone slows your heartbeat back to stability.

"I wasn't as excited anymore after I left you the other day. It kinda just...faded. I thought I'd give it a chance but...I couldn't. It wasn't the same, Luke." You calmly confess, gaze shifting to his lips before back into his eyes, those forever glossy eyes you find yourself unable to look away from. The eyes that only ever pay attention to you and you know that you've seen that.

He swallows hard with flustered cheeks, "So, you dressed all pretty just to come here?"

"Wanted to see you..." it takes a moment for you to process his words, his touch against your skin so gentle it's intoxicating and has your brain dizzy. With a voice above a whisper, "You think I look pretty?"

Luke nods slowly but surely, licking his lips and searching your eyes for something of an opportunity. His stomach flutters and he's certain, certain that he knows where this is headed and that he can finally find peace within himself.

"Always, since I met you. Miss you every time you leave. Jealous whenever you went on a date. Wanna be with you all the time…just want…you."

Your fingertips lightly press to his jaw on instinct, "...you were the right choice. But I was scared of...ruining us."

His lips pull up into a small smile, chest blooming with warmth and it's as if the world has burst into colours. He's only ever dreamed of this moment, where you're in his arms and telling him that this whole time, you've felt something back. You thought you'd cry again, yet the smile on his face only encouraged your own, fingers sliding down his neck to tangle in the curls at his nape.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore, m'right here. All yours, I've got you." He leans in, and you're leaning in too like magnets until soft lips meet for a tender kiss. A genuine one that's closed mouth and long-awaited with yearning.

When you both pull away, gazes locked, hands on each other, he dips back into you, passionately this time and you're keeping him in, close. You had your suspicions, yet what were you so afraid of if Luke's feelings were blatantly obvious?

[pomefioredove]

hellooo !! can i please get a sugar cookie , #2 , with chocolate chips and powdered sugar ??

tc of urself n evrythingg !! i love ur works and i love reading ur writinggg its soo nice i love it <3

keep it up !! ur super duper cool !! o((>ω< ))o

AWEE thank you!! sorry this took so long to post ;w;

order #2, sugar with chocolate chips and powdered sugar

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ a presumptuous affair

summary: kalim mistakes you, a random barista, for jamil's date. you go along with it tropes: coffee shop au, fake dating characters: jamil additional info: romantic, gender neutral reader, reader is not yuu, use of y/n, a little kalim x yuu, kinda long, a kissy

As if today couldn't get any weirder...

For a moment, you had almost believed it was fortune. You made it to work on time despite the snow, your shift manager let you take the afternoon off, even your customers were feeling generous- your tip jar was almost to the brim.

And then it got weird.

"Jamil, look! See how cute these cookies are? It's like they're dressed up for the new year!"

That sparkly ray of sunshine has had his hands and nose pressed against the glass of the pastry case all morning. He's dressed in a Night Raven College uniform, but you can't imagine what someone so cute would be wearing it for.

"I just can't decide what to get! Everything looks so good!"

On the contrary, the taller, quieter, tired-looking boy, the one called Jamil, standing by the door, suited his uniform quite nicely.

"I'm sure the Prefect will be pleased with whatever you choose for them, Kalim. We're going to be late,"

The sparkly one (Kalim, was it?) pouts. "But this is our first new year's party together! Usually, I'd just buy everything, but they said..."

"Only one thing. I know. Surely, with all the time you spend together, you'd know their preferences,"

"I do! But it's hard... you'd understand if you had a date, too, Jamil,"

He narrows his eyes. "I'll be kept busy enough by the party,"

"Aw, that's no fun. You should enjoy yourself, too! If you need any help finding a date, I'd be happy to ask for you!"

"That is completely unnecessary-"

You finish wiping down the case, having shamelessly eavesdropped on the entire conversation. "May I make a pastry suggestion?"

Kalim's eyes widen, as if he'd forgotten you were standing behind the sparkly glass, but Jamil nods.

"Please, please do. And thank you..." his eyes dart down to the nametag on your apron. "Y/N."

"You guys know each other? Oh! I see," Kalim grins.

"Now I know why we came here instead of my favorite place- this is your date!"

The silence is almost worst than the bickering. You and Jamil (perfect strangers, by the way) exchange similar expressions of surprise, while Kalim grins, waiting to be introduced, or... something.

You open your mouth, but before you can explain yourself or the rather presumptuous affair, Jamil nods.

"Yes. This is them,"

He gives you a look that either says "please go along with it" or "I will make you go along with it" but you're too shocked to speak, anyway.

Kalim giggles. "This is perfect! Now I won't have to worry about you being lonely at the party. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want to take away the attention from yourself and the Prefect," Jamil says, dryly, crossing his arms.

Kalim either doesn't notice his tone, or he ignores it.

"Aw, you guys don't have to worry about that! Here, I'll have one of those, and those... that date pastry for Jamil, and... here!"

He takes out a roll of thaumarks thicker than your hand and forces it into your tip jar.

Jamil's eyes widen with panic. "Kalim-"

"I want to make a good first impression!" he says, and then to you: "I can't wait to see you at the party!"

You finish bagging his pastries, shellshocked, and watch him skip out of the coffee shop like a little kid.

Jamil lingers, seemingly unbothered, and yet apologetic all the same.

"Sorry I dragged you into this, he's been begging for a double date all week. I'll tell him you're sick when the party comes around,"

He turns to leave. Your eyes dart between the tip jar, him, the boy outside, him, your coffee-stained hands, and him once more.

"Wait!"

Jamil stops, one hand on the door, and looks over his shoulder.

You try to stop yourself, but the words spill out of your lips anyway. "What time?"

You had never been inside Night Raven College, but the very last thing you were expecting it to be, anyhow, was warm.

You'd dressed in something thick and wooly for the winter weather, and now you're sweating, there's sand stuck under your nails and cool drinks are being passed from hand to hand.

"You're dressed like a penguin," Jamil whispers, holding you by the wrist and pulling you towards a closet, lined with gold and stuffed with coats and shoes from the partygoers.

"I didn't know it'd be hot!"

Jamil closes the door. "I suppose that was an oversight on my part. But I can't have you afflicted with heatstroke- not under my care, at least. Take off the coat,"

You do as he says. You've learned very little about Jamil over the evening, but he seems to know what he's doing.

"Better, but you're drenched in sweat. I'm sure we have dorm uniforms in your size somewhere..."

A loud, raucous noise that you can only assume was a cheer comes from beyond the door. You're not so sure you want to know.

Jamil notices the look on your face. "Too loud?"

"It's a little... much,"

He scoffs, though there's a smile on his lips, now. "That's one way of putting it, I suppose,"

He begins moving coats and shoes, boxes and chests, looking for something to cool you off. You sit on the floor behind him.

"I apologize again. For making you a part of this. I... didn't think you'd actually come," he says, facing away from you.

"I don't mind. I didn't have any plans for the holiday, anyway,"

Jamil makes a noise of acknowledgement, but, no words. You suppose he's trying to figure you out as much as you are him.

"...Ahem. Well, I'm... pleased to have you here. As much as it hurts to admit Kalim was right about one thing, I did need company today,"

"It's no problem,"

"It's some problem," Jamil scoffs, but he's smiling, too. "You'll have a headache for days after this."

"Then it'll be worth it,"

He seems to give up on finding a uniform, or perhaps he's just forgotten about it altogether, and he sits next to you.

You tilt your head to the side, a smile playing at your lips.

"I think Kalim was right about two things, actually,"

Jamil looks at you as if you'd hit your head on something and started speaking in tongues. "And what is that?"

You point up towards the heavens, or, rather, towards the ceiling of the closet, where a mistletoe has been poorly strung up.

"You should enjoy yourself, too,"

Jamil's eyes widen, but before he can ask who put that thing up there?! your kiss is on his cheek and his stoic demeanor is gone.

"Eh- what was that for?"

You could laugh at his expression, but you don't want to rub it in his bewildered face. Rather, you gently nudge his side.

"For being so kind,"

"Kind?" Jamil repeats the word as if he'd never heard it before. "I would hardly call myself that. I'm only... repaying the favor for your kindness."

You smile.

"I guess I'll just have to keep being nice to you, then,"

[notmorbid]

mouth.

dialogue prompts from mouth: stories by puloma ghosh.

you've been alone a long time.

____ is always watching you.

you're so lucky. you can be anything.

there is no forever.

it's beautiful, the way you fall.

people weren't always afraid of me.

if i disappeared, would anybody bother to search for me?

we have to accept the logic of the world we were given, and learn to live in it.

you don't smell like anyone else.

pleasure is another form of taking.

i don't live anywhere.

i want to die here.

i did something i shouldn't have last night.

will you tell me something, before you go?

i don't think ____ is coming home.

everything and nothing can look the same.

i have no idea what to do with you.

ghosts are just memories.

i should have been kinder to you.

why are you asking me such american questions?

this house is bad luck.

i thought it was just a story.

it's good to stay careful.

i keep seeing ____ everywhere.

it's been a long time since you've been home.

this place gives me a bad feeling.

don't be afraid. you know me.

you don't have to miss me. i'll stay with you.

everything you try to hold is sharp.

do something. make it stop.

you shouldn't be walking around.

kids like you worry me.

i keep forgetting things.

hurry home. it's getting dark.

i thought we were happy.

don't you ever want to go somewhere else?

loving has many configurations.

what will you do when you run out of _____?

i can drive you wherever you need.

i've tried my best to be like you, but i'm not.

we're happy, right?

what have you done to me?

everyone feels uneasy around a person they can never truly know.

of course it's not true, but isn't it fun?

the best lies are half-truths.

you're not the first person to ask.

i don't have time for your bullshit today.

i've run out of people who take me seriously.

i don't know if 'love' is even the right word.

i thought you'd be stupid enough to come.

be careful with words that aren't yours.

i have the book, if you want to read it.

i don't 'have' to do anything.

don't hate me for this.

i don't do this with anyone.

i'm more comfortable on my own.

you're allowed to be happy.

none of this is real, to begin with.

i didn't even know there was an underground party scene in _____.

i'm too tired and broke to fall in love.

there's nothing worse than being scared alone.

why did you come looking for me?

it's not the same for you, is it?

i can wait until morning to hate myself for this.

you're not human. i don't know what you are.

i don't exist. i can do whatever i want.

i thought you'd tell me everything, eventually.

there's nothing to tell. nothing you'd want to know.

is there a difference between fear and worship?

you brought me to life.

karaoke is when we're most human.

you can't choose the things you'll remember. the important things will find you.

____ doesn't know about you.

what are you afraid of?

you have to be afraid to live.

i'm sorry i never said goodbye.

this house is too big for us.

our planet is really strange.

you heard, then.

things were always fun with you.

good or bad doesn't matter anymore.

you've hardly looked at me all day.

can't you act like you want to be my mother? just for today?

are you listening? have you ever heard me?

you were never mine.

[cece693]

He's Cute

pairing: bucky barnes x male reader tags: you're Loki's brother, but actually nice and come in peace, bucky finds you adorable, humor, asking out a prince from another planet is hard, just ask bucky, part 2 can be done

Tony tapped his fingers on the conference table, wearing his best ‘well, here we go again’ scowl. In front of him, the Avengers were assembled, all shooting wary glances at Thor. “So,” Tony drawled, making sure to emphasize his skepticism, “we’re hosting another Asgardian prince. Is your father just collecting them at this point?”

Thor, doing his best not to look offended, cleared his throat. “I know you hold distrust after what Loki did, but (Y/N) is our younger brother. He’s quite the opposite from Loki.”

Clint quirked a brow, exchanging a glance with Sam. “‘Opposite’ how? Less shape-shifting and more interpretive dance, or…?”

Sam snorted. “I’d pay to see that, actually.”

Thor, for his part, stood straight-backed, looking earnest—and maybe just a little bit offended. “I assure you, (Y/N) is not here to conquer anything,” he reiterated. “My brother is gentle. He's nothing like our brother Loki."

Tony drummed his fingers on the table one more time. “Yeah, we’ll see. Might I suggest we have a ‘No Asgardian Shenanigans’ sign at the front door? We can hang it right under the ‘No Solicitors’ sign.”

“That might be a tad welcoming, don’t you think?” Clint drawled, lips curling in a wry grin.

Sam chuckled. “No illusions allowed, no staff-wielding illusions, no illusions about illusions.”

Bucky glanced around. They were all bantering, but he could sense the undercurrent of nervous energy. Finally, Steve caught his eye and nodded, inviting him to speak up if he wanted. But Bucky just gave a small shrug—he didn’t really have an opinion yet, beyond thinking that maybe it would be nice to have another level-headed god around. He’d heard Loki was a piece of work, but Thor—despite his bombast—had proven a decent ally.

“Well, guess we’ll know soon enough,” Nat said, pulling everyone’s attention back to her. She tapped her phone, checking the time. “Thor? When’s your supposed to show up?”

Thor’s chest swelled with pride, as though merely announcing your name was akin to proclaiming victory over the Nine Realms. “He will arrive today—shortly, in fact. Heimdall has secured him safe passage. I ask for your patience, my friends. He is not…accustomed to Earth.”

“Oh, this ought to be fun,” Tony said, pushing back from the table. “Alright. Everyone, let’s roll out the welcome mat. And by ‘welcome mat,’ I obviously mean ‘a healthy dose of skepticism laced with potential backup plans A through Z.’ Clint, let’s find a vantage point—”

“Tony,” Steve interrupted, sounding exasperated. “He’s Thor’s brother, not a Hydra spy.”

Tony shrugged. “Better safe than sorry. Or have we collectively forgotten the Chitauri fiasco?”

Thor let out a deep, put-upon sigh, and Bucky caught the flicker of guilt in the god’s eyes. Clearly, Thor was sensitive about all that had happened with Loki. Which in turn made Bucky feel a little guilty for automatically being wary.

About an hour later, the Avengers had dispersed, though most lingered in the main atrium of the Compound. Bucky hung back near a wall, arms folded, scanning his surroundings with a soldier’s vigilance. He had no idea what to expect. A second Loki? Another six-foot-something, muscle-bound, hammer-wielding Asgardian?

The air crackled with energy, and suddenly, a swirl of rainbow light appeared at the center of the room—a mini Bifrost. Out of it stepped you.

Your entrance was about as dramatic as one could expect from a swirling cosmic rainbow, but you looked anything but menacing. Clad in simple Asgardian attire (far less extravagant than Thor’s usual gear), you blinked, adjusting to the Earthly surroundings and then you bowed—actually bowed—deeply and respectfully.

“Good day,” you greeted softly, your voice gentler than any of them expected. “I am (Y/N) of Asgard. It's an honor to meet the team that has accepted my brother Thor with open arms. I know you might be wary of me with all that has transpired with Loki, but know that I deeply apologize for any problems he...” You paused, searching for a polite way to phrase it, eventually settling with, “…might have caused.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “‘Might have caused?’ Yeah, that’s one way to put an alien invasion.” He exchanged a look with Clint, who shrugged.

“(Y/N) is different,” Thor explained, laying a large hand on your shoulder with a brotherly sort of pride. “He will not attempt subterfuge or illusions.”

Bucky, observing quietly from his corner, noticed how you half-cringed at the mention of illusions, as if even the word brought you guilt by association. You glanced around at the assembled heroes: Tony with his pointed skepticism, Nat’s arms folded in careful assessment, Steve’s polite-but-guarded kindness. Even Sam gave you a sidelong look that said he wasn’t entirely sure he believed in second Asgardian princes yet. Only Thor, unwavering in his faith, and Bruce, gently curious, seemed at ease.

Clearing your throat, you continued, “I truly want to learn of your customs and help in any way I can.” Your voice quieted further. “I understand if my presence here makes you uncomfortable. You have already faced so much.”

Natasha eyed you, the corners of her mouth lifting in the faintest of smiles. “Well, you’re certainly more polite than your brothers,” she said, glancing at Thor pointedly.

“That’s not difficult,” Clint muttered, earning a huff from Thor.

Bucky only half-listened to the exchange; he was more focused on the shy curve of your posture—how you carried yourself with a subtle humility that was so unlike Thor’s boisterous confidence or Loki’s cunning. He realized then he was staring, so he forced himself to look away, crossing his arms over his chest to maintain some semblance of aloofness.

Steve, ever the one to break awkward silences, stepped forward to shake your hand. “We appreciate your honesty, (Y/N). I’m Steve Rogers. I promise no one here means you harm,” he said in a reassuring tone.

You took his hand carefully, as if unaccustomed to the formality. “Nice to meet you, Captain Rogers.” A flicker of surprise crossed your face as you felt the firmness of his handshake. “Your grip could rival Thor’s,” you murmured, almost impressed. Thor puffed up, beaming that you’d complimented one of his comrades.

Sam spoke up next, his voice colored with curiosity. “So, no illusions, no plans of world domination…I’m guessing you’re the ‘normal’ one in the family?”

You seemed flustered, but your lips quirked in an embarrassed smile. “I—I wouldn’t quite say that. But I have always strived for peace.”

Tony waved a hand. “Alright, Peace Prince, welcome aboard. We’ll see how it goes. Just don’t conjure up any giant space whales or open any more cosmic portals in the middle of Manhattan, deal?”

Thor looked positively mortified that Tony would even imply such a thing, but you only nodded politely. “Yes, sir. No space whales. I can assure you of that.”

At the “sir,” Tony’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, I like you. Please continue to address me as ‘sir’ in front of the others.”

Nat rolled her eyes. “You’re incorrigible.”

Thor cleared his throat, trying to steer the conversation back to calmer waters. “(Y/N) will be staying with us for a time—learning Earth’s ways. Please, treat him as you would me.”

“So we haze him with endless pop culture references and toss him in the deep end?” Sam joked.

Bucky saw you swallow hard, and something about your shy, uncertain expression tugged at his chest. Without meaning to, he spoke up for the first time in the meeting. “I’ll help,” he said bluntly.

Everyone turned to look at him, surprise etched on their faces—especially Steve, who arched an eyebrow as if to say, Didn’t know you were volunteering, pal. You brightened, relief shining in your eyes. “That is very kind of you. Thank you, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Just…Bucky,” he mumbled, cheeks warming the tiniest bit.

Natasha’s keen eyes flickered between the two of you, a faint smirk tugging at her lips. “Great,” she said lightly. “Now that we’re all introduced, who wants lunch?”

Over the next few days, you integrated yourself into Avengers life with unexpected ease. You asked Tony endless questions about Earth technology, took great care to help Bruce reorganize his lab (after you discovered you had a knack for meticulously alphabetizing everything from chemicals to coffee mugs), and politely sparred with Natasha, who grudgingly admitted you were surprisingly tough yet considerate.

Meanwhile, Bucky quietly observed you. He watched you cheerfully fix up the lounge furniture after Thor accidentally broke a coffee table. He saw you carefully water the potted plants in the hallway, eager to ensure none of Earth’s “fragile vegetation” withered on your watch. Little by little, Bucky found himself drawn to your presence—drawn to your soft laughter, your bright curiosity.

But one thing stood out above all else: you never once bragged about your title. You never boasted about your Asgardian heritage or demanded special treatment. You even seemed embarrassed whenever anyone called you ‘Prince (Y/N).’ Instead, you were humble—sometimes painfully so. And that humility, combined with that sweet, open-minded wonder, made Bucky’s heart do somersaults he hadn’t felt in years.

Bucky sat in the compound’s lounge one afternoon, pretending to read a newspaper while sneaking glances your way. You were studying a half-eaten bag of potato chips like they were the eighth wonder of the world.

“Steve,” Bucky murmured, beckoning his friend closer.

Steve, doing his best to hide an amused smile, leaned in. “What’s up?”

Bucky tilted the newspaper so Steve could see you turning the potato-chip bag upside down, letting crumbs tumble out onto your hand. “He’s cute,” Bucky muttered under his breath, so quietly it nearly dissolved into air.

“…Should I act surprised? It was obvious from the moment you volunteered to show him around the tower,” Steve finished, his voice just as low. He flicked his gaze from Bucky to you and back again, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Bucky rolled his eyes but couldn’t quite hide the hint of pink that dusted his cheeks. “I’m trying to be subtle, all right?”

Steve snorted. “That’s rich coming from the guy who’s sneaking glances every ten seconds.”

Bucky’s gaze drifted again to you—now tapping the bottom of the potato chip bag in an effort to extract the last crumb. The entire display was so earnestly adorable that Bucky had to bite back a smile. “Look,” Bucky sighed, voice dropping lower, “he’s Thor’s brother. A prince. And I’m—well—” He gestured vaguely at himself, as if that summed up a lifetime’s worth of complications. “You really think he’d be interested?”

“Yes,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I do.”

Bucky opened his mouth to protest—he’s just curious about Earth, he’s friendly to everyone, it doesn’t mean anything—but then, as if on cue, you turned around in your seat. The instant your eyes met Bucky’s, your face lit with delight. You waved at him so earnestly that you almost spilled the bag of chips.

Bucky swallowed. “Fine,” he muttered, giving Steve a pointed look. “Maybe there’s a small chance.”

Steve suppressed a laugh, nudging Bucky forward. “Then go talk to him. Ask about chips, or Earth cuisine, or literally anything. Just say something.”

Bucky tried to summon that stoic confidence that sometimes worked for him. Instead, he felt like a high school kid with a crush. “Right,” he mumbled. “Be casual. Real casual.”

He stood up, discreetly adjusting his jacket, and made his way over to you. You greeted him with a bright smile—still holding that bag of chips as if you’d discovered gold. “Hello, Bucky!” you said. “I didn’t realize such simple food could taste so addictive.”

Bucky felt his heart do a little flip at the sound of his name on your lips. “Yeah, uh…chips,” he replied brilliantly, jamming his hand in his pocket in a desperate attempt to appear nonchalant. “They’re a big deal around here. We’ve got, uh…like, 70 flavors, I think.”

Your eyes widened. “Seventy?!”

“Maybe more,” Bucky corrected himself. He cleared his throat. “So, you like them?”

“Very much. I fear I might become dependent,” you admitted, glancing a little sheepishly at the half-empty bag. “But enough about me—how’s your day? I noticed you’ve been reading that newspaper for a while.”

Bucky cringed internally. Busted. “Oh, yeah—lots of…uh…interesting articles,” he fibbed, holding up the folded paper. He glanced at the front page, realized it was yesterday’s news, and hastily lowered it again. “Anyway, I was thinking, maybe we could…you know, get out for a while? Go, uh…check out a café nearby.”

Your brow furrowed, confusion creeping across your features. “But the Compound has a coffee machine. It’s in the kitchen, right? I can fetch you coffee, if you like.”

“No, no,” Bucky corrected, trying to keep his composure. “I mean, we could go out. Just you and me. Kind of an…outing.” He struggled with the word date, but it hovered there, unsaid.

Your eyes went wide, as though another revelation had dawned upon you. “Oh! You need supplies? Are we on a mission?”

“No, not a mission,” Bucky explained, scratching the back of his neck. “Just hanging out. Relaxing. Maybe having a nice conversation—away from everyone else.”

You nodded, albeit slowly. “A private conversation…in a place that also serves coffee?”

“Right,” Bucky confirmed, trying not to seem too relieved. “It’s…well, on Earth, we call that a ‘date.’”

He finally said it—date. His palms were sweaty, but he held your gaze, waiting.

“Oh!” you exclaimed, brows shooting up. “I’ve read about dates in one of the Midgardian relationship guidebooks. Something about courting rituals and paying for each other’s drinks to demonstrate affection?”

Bucky’s cheeks felt warmer by the second. “Yeah, that’s…that’s the general idea. You interested?”

“Yes!” you said, then paused, a flicker of doubt crossing your features. “But do we need to bring my father into this? Thor mentioned father-gifts or is that just for official betrothals? I don’t want to be rude.”

Off to the side, half-hidden in the hallway, Steve pinched the bridge of his nose to stifle a laugh. Bucky shot him a quick glare—thanks for the backup, pal. Chuckling nervously, Bucky shook his head. “No father-gifts required. On Earth, it’s usually just between, well…the two people going on the date.”

Your shoulders visibly relaxed. “Ah, excellent. That simplifies things. I wouldn’t know what to buy your father anyway—does he prefer golden chalices or—?”

“No, no,” Bucky interjected quickly, biting his lip to keep from outright laughing. “Seriously, no father involvement. We just go, maybe sit down, order coffee, talk.”

You seemed to take a moment to let that sink in. Then, you grinned wide. “That sounds delightful. When do we depart for this coffee date?”

“How about tomorrow morning? Around ten?” Bucky offered.

You placed a hand over your heart, nodding firmly. “Ten in the morning. I will be ready. Should I wear armor, or is that too formal?”

Bucky glanced at Steve again, who was now silently cracking up. He smothered a grin, turning back to you. “Casual clothes are fine. Maybe just…I dunno…a shirt and jeans, if you have them?”

“Ah, yes! The mortal garb. I’ll do my best not to clash patterns.” You tapped your chin thoughtfully. “Though everything on Earth seems to clash with my Asgardian boots.”

Bucky let out a soft laugh, feeling tension he didn’t realize he’d been holding in slip away. “You’ll be fine, trust me.”

Moments later, you excused yourself to research casual Earth attire, leaving Bucky standing in the lounge with a strangely giddy feeling in his chest. That’s when Steve sauntered in, arms folded, his smile practically ear-to-ear. “You see?” Steve teased. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, though he couldn’t quite hide his grin. “I almost had to explain father-gifts, so maybe a little complicated.”

Steve chuckled. “Looked like you handled it just fine. And if you need a quick escape route tomorrow, you know I’ve got your back.”

Bucky gave him a playful shove. “Thanks, punk.”

Steve shrugged, still grinning. “Anytime, jerk.”

[ducktoo]

Cheeky

IVE’s An Yujin x M!Reader

Note: Thank u @mintwithchoco for the prompt! It was fun to write this! (I might have post it a bit early but It's a bit too fluff to rot in the jail-

Hope yall got enough dose of lethal Yujin. Here’s a cutie Yujin for yall

(Can this woman not make me blush every single time-)

You have heard many opinions about An Yujin through her online exposure. Gorgeous yet strict, a natural professional and one of the most popular idols in the business.

So when you got hired as a personal bodyguard to IVE, you knew you had to be in your best behaviour. You were expecting a professional introduction. Maybe a polite handshake, a simple exchange of names, and a respectful nod—just like how it had been with every other client before.

But no. Instead, the first thing you got was laughter.

Loud, unabashed laughter.

You had barely stepped into the practice room, clad in your sharp black suit with an earpiece securely in place, when Yujin spun around mid-dance routine, caught sight of you, and nearly collapsed from laughing too hard.

"Oh my god, you look so serious!" She practically wheezed, hands on her knees.

You blinked, your professional composure wavering just slightly. That’s not the usual reaction.

"...Excuse me?"

She straightened up, still giggling, and gave you a once-over. "You're my new bodyguard, right? Wow, we’re the same age, but you look like you’re about to arrest me or something."

Yujin wiped at the corner of her eyes and grinned as she strolled up to you, radiating the kind of unbothered energy that made your brow twitch. Well this is…going to be a pain.

"Well at least I do look the part, no?" you asked, straightening your vest as you clear your throat . "I’m literally here to keep you safe."

"Oh, I’m very grateful." Yujin smirked, stepping closer with a mischievous glint in her eye. "But I was kinda hoping for someone... I don’t know, scarier? You look way too nice."

You stared at her, unimpressed. "I can be scary."

"Yeah?" She raised an eyebrow. "Prove it."

You sighed and took a step forward, dropping your voice into a low, stern tone. "If you don't follow security protocol, I will personally make sure you regret it."

For a moment, Yujin's eyes widened, and you thought—just for a second—that she would actually take you seriously.

Then she grinned even wider.

“Ohhh,” she mused, stepping even closer, her face just inches from yours. “I like you already.”

You had a very bad feeling about this.

-

If you had known what was coming, you would’ve quit on the spot.

An Yujin, despite her public image of being a charming, responsible leader, was actually a menace.

If she wasn’t sneaking off to buy snacks at the nearby convenience stores without telling anyone, she was hiding behind doors just to jump-scare you. And the worst part? The other IVE members had joined in on it…but mostly Yujin.

"Come on, just one smile," Yujin teased one afternoon, poking your cheek while you stood guard by the van. "You've been with us for months, and I still haven't seen you laugh."

You exhaled through your nose. "My job is to protect you, not to entertain you."

"That’s so boring. How do you survive without fun?"

"By keeping a certain someone out of trouble." You shot her a pointed look.

Yujin gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. "Wow. Is that how you see me? Just a walking headache?"

You opened your mouth—because yes she was a giant headache to you—but she cut you off, suddenly leaning in way too close.

"What if I am your problem, huh?" she whispered, eyes glinting with playful challenge.

You held your ground, staring her down. "...Then I'll have to handle you accordingly, I suppose."

Instead of backing off, Yujin grinned wider. "I’d like to see you try."

Oh, she was insufferable. And unfortunately, you were stuck with her.

-

"You know," Yujin drawled, stretching across the couch in the waiting room like a cat in the sun. One arm hung off the side lazily, while the other rested behind her head, eyes gleaming with that familiar mischief. "I think you like me more than you let on."

You sighed, already used to her antics. "What makes you think that?"

Her lips curled upward, slow and knowing, like she had already won whatever game she was playing. "Because I'm fun. And charming. And incredibly good-looking." She struck an exaggerated pose, tilting her chin up dramatically like some kind of historical monarch.

Across the room, Wonyoung groaned, rubbing her temples. "Unnie, please. Have some dignity."

"You don’t want me to tell the truth?" Yujin gasped, clutching her chest in mock devastation, her mouth slightly parted as if she had just been personally attacked.

"I don't want you to embarrass us in front of our bodyguard," Wonyoung corrected, glancing at you apologetically.

You just shook your head, lips pressing into a thin line. "I'm used to it."

Yujin’s eyes flickered with amusement, but instead of making another joke, her expression softened just slightly—like she had caught something in your tone that intrigued her. Then, just as quickly, the mischief returned. "See? That's basically an admission that you enjoy my company."

You gave her a deadpan look. "That is not what I said."

"Too late, I'm taking it as fact." She stretched her arms over her head, looking far too pleased with herself.

You exhaled through your nose, choosing to ignore her. If there was one thing you'd learned about An Yujin, it was that engaging with her nonsense only fuelled her further.

But despite all her teasing and the way she constantly pushed your buttons, there were moments when she reminded you why she was the leader of IVE.

Like now.

Liz sat in the corner of the room, staring down at her phone with her lips pressed into a tight line. She was fidgeting, her hands twisting together in her lap—a stark contrast to the usual easygoing energy she carried.

Yujin noticed instantly. Her playful expression melted away, replaced by something steadier. More grounded. She pushed herself off the couch, crossing the room in a few quick strides before crouching beside Liz.

"Jiwonie," she called softly, nudging her knee against Liz’s. "What’s up?"

Liz hesitated before sighing. "I feel like I keep messing up my parts in the choreography."

Yujin tilted her head, studying her with an unreadable expression. Then, instead of immediately reassuring her, she took a moment. Just a beat of silence—enough to let Liz’s words settle before responding.

"You don’t," Yujin said firmly. "We practiced together, remember? You’re doing fine."

"But—"

"No buts." Yujin stood up, walked over, and slung an arm around Liz’s shoulders, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "You know what I told you? The best performers aren’t the ones who get everything perfect all the time. They’re the ones who keep going no matter what."

Liz still looked uncertain, but a small smile tugged at her lips. "You really think so?"

"I know so." Yujin grinned. "Besides, if you mess up, I’ll just mess up too. That way, we’re both in trouble."

"That’s a terrible encouragement," you muttered.

Yujin turned her head slightly, just enough to meet your gaze, and the glint in her eyes was back. The glint. The one that usually meant trouble.

"It’s called leadership," Yujin shot back. "Ever heard of it?"

You exhaled sharply, shaking your head, but you didn’t argue. Liz was smiling now, and that was proof enough that whatever Yujin was doing was working. She had a way of lifting her members’ spirits that was genuinely impressive.

Liz laughed, looking much more relaxed. "Thanks, unnie."

"Anytime," Yujin replied, patting her head before making her way back to her spot on the couch. As she passed you, she glanced up, smirking.

"See? I'm not just a pain in your ass."

"I never said that," you replied, but she only winked before plopping back onto the couch like she hadn’t just effortlessly reassured one of her members.

You sighed. Protecting An Yujin was exhausting… but you didn’t mind as much as you pretended to.

-

Your day off. A rare and precious thing.

You had been looking forward to it—no earpiece, no schedule to follow, no six-foot radius of hyper-vigilance around an overgrown puppy disguised as an idol. Just a quiet, peaceful day to yourself.

Or so you thought.

The realization hit you like a cruel joke when you spotted her.

An Yujin. Hoodie up, mask on, but you’d recognize her anywhere. The way she walked, slightly loose-limbed and confident, like the world was hers to navigate. The way she hummed under her breath as she glanced at store signs, completely unaware of how reckless she was being.

You groaned under your breath. Of course.

But before you could even question why she was out alone, without security, without backup, you saw him. A man. Mid-thirties. Dark hoodie. His posture was too stiff, his steps too calculated. He lingered a few feet behind Yujin, never overtaking her, never slowing down. His gaze flickered to her every few seconds, fingers twitching slightly as if waiting for something.

Your instincts kicked in immediately.

You followed her into a convenience store, keeping to the shelves as she strolled past the snack aisle. She had no idea. Her biggest concern at the moment was probably whether to get banana milk or iced coffee—completely oblivious to the shadow tailing her.

He lingered near the entrance, pretending to look at snacks but never actually picking anything up. His eyes were locked on Yujin, and his fingers twitched like he was waiting for the right moment.

Sasaeng. Your stomach turned cold.

You moved fast.

The moment Yujin left the store, you followed right behind. And just as the man reached out—

You grabbed his wrist. Tight.

A sharp intake of breath. The man's head snapped toward you, eyes widening in shock and irritation.

"The hell—?" he hissed, jerking back, but you didn’t let go.

Yujin spun around, startled. "Huh?—"

"Good afternoon, mister." You pulled her behind you instinctively, keeping your grip on the man. "I don’t know what you think you’re doing," you said, voice low and firm, "but walk away. Now."

The man scowled, trying to yank his arm free. "Who the hell are you?"

"Her bodyguard," you answered coldly. "And if you don’t leave in the next five seconds, you won’t like what happens next."

A flicker of hesitation. His eyes darted between you and Yujin, who was standing rigid behind you now, her usual carefree energy drained into something tense and alert.

Then, finally, the man sneered and yanked his arm free. "Tch. Not worth it," he muttered before disappearing into the crowd.

You stood there for a moment, making sure he was really gone, before exhaling.

And then you remembered the girl behind you.

"So…what the hell?" you snapped, turning to her. "Why are you alone?"

She blinked up at you, wide-eyed, still processing what just happened. "Uh…"

"You know how dangerous this is, right?" Your voice was sharper than usual, the adrenaline still running through you. "No staff, no backup, no security. What were you thinking?"

Yujin finally seemed to snap out of it, rubbing the back of her neck. "...I just wanted to go out for a bit. I didn’t want to bother anyone."

Your fists clenched, the lingering adrenaline making your chest feel too tight. "You call this not bothering anyone? You're lucky I decided to go out right now you dunce."

She hesitated, shifting on her feet. Then, in a small voice, she admitted, "I didn’t even realize he was following me."

You exhaled slowly, pinching the bridge of your nose.

"Yujin," you muttered, softer this time, "this is exactly why you can’t go out alone. It’s not about you wanting freedom, it’s about your safety. There are people out there who—" You stopped, shaking your head. "Just... don’t do this again."

Silence stretched between you for a few seconds before Yujin suddenly smiled.

It wasn’t her usual teasing grin. It was softer. Almost... grateful.

"You really do care about me, huh?"

You groaned. "That’s what you’re taking from this?"

Her lips twitched, and just like that, the mischievous glint in her eyes was back. She nudged your arm playfully. "Admit it. You’d miss me if I got kidnapped."

"Don't make me use profanity you—"

"Fine, fine!" She laughed, hands up in surrender. But then she let out a breath, gaze flickering down for a second before meeting yours again, more earnest this time.

"Seriously, though," she murmured. "Thanks. I mean it."

You watched her for a moment, noting the way her usual carefree mask had cracked just a little. The way her eyes, despite the teasing, held something like genuine gratitude. She nudged you playfully. "Guess I owe you one, huh?"

"More like you owe me about a hundred at this point," you muttered, finally relaxing.

Yujin grinned. "Then I’ll start by buying you lunch. C’mon, bodyguard. Let’s eat."

And despite everything, despite the fact that this was supposed to be your day off, you found yourself walking beside her, watching her laugh like nothing had happened.

-

You should’ve known saving An Yujin would have consequences.

Not in the form of a promotion or a bonus (though you wouldn’t say no to either), but in the absolute menace she had become ever since that day.

At first, you thought you were imagining things—the longer stares, the way her lips curled mischievously whenever she caught your eye, the subtle brushes of her fingers against your arm whenever she passed by.

Then, the touches became more deliberate. The teasing got more frequent. The closeness is more unbearable.

It was like a switch had flipped. Suddenly, your personal space was no longer yours. And the worst part? She did it so naturally, like she had always been this clingy with you.

Just like this one morning at the company building—

"Mr. Bodyguaaard~" Yujin sang as she threw an arm over your shoulders, completely ignoring the amused stares of the staff around you. "Walk me to the practice room!"

You exhaled. "Yujin, You know I’m going there anyway."

"But this way is more fun." She tightened her grip, practically hanging off you.

You gave her a look. "...Do you have to be this close?"

"Yes," she said simply, grinning.

It only got worse after a long schedule. You were expecting Yujin to slump in exhaustion like she usually did. Instead, the moment she climbed into the van, she scooted over without hesitation, settling in way too close before dropping her head onto your shoulder with a satisfied sigh.

Your entire body stiffened.

"What are you doing?" you asked, voice flat, not daring to move.

"Getting comfortable," she mumbled, shifting slightly as if trying to mold herself against you.

Your brow twitched. "You have an entire seat to yourself."

"But I don’t want to sit alone," she said simply, eyes fluttering shut. "You’re warm."

Across from you, Wonyoung and Liz exchanged knowing looks.

"Oh no," Gaeul muttered, covering her mouth to hide a laugh.

"I don’t get it," Wonyoung whispered, glancing between you and Yujin. "Since when were they this close?"

Liz smirked. "Since someone got rescued and suddenly realized how cool their bodyguard is."

You sighed. "I heard that, Jiwon."

"I'm glad you did," Liz cheekily shot back.

Meanwhile, Yujin hummed in contentment, completely ignoring the stares and the muffled giggles of her members. As if your shoulder was the perfect place to rest, she nestled in further, her soft breath fanning against your neck.

You felt heat creep up your collar.

"...Heavy," you muttered, shifting slightly.

"Comfy," she countered with a teasing lilt, her lips curling into a lazy grin.

From the corner of your eye, you saw Gaeul shaking her head. "This is getting dangerous."

Liz, meanwhile, giggled behind her hand. "We should start selling tickets to this slow-burn romance."

You groaned. Yujin? She just smirked.

Her clingy antics doesn't stop in the comfort of their dorm, unfortunately. Before their music show performance, you were standing near the dressing room door, waiting for the members to finish.

And then the door swung open.

Yujin strolled out like she was making a grand entrance, her hair freshly styled, her makeup flawless—looking every bit the idol she was.

And then, in one smooth motion, she reached out, grabbed your hand, and laced her fingers with yours.

Your brain lagged.

"Let’s go, mister!" she announced.

You blinked. "Why are you holding my hand—?"

"You saved me, so now I’m keeping you close!" she said cheerfully. "You're my lucky charm!"

Behind her, Leeseo’s jaw dropped. Liz and Rei had to turn away to hide their laughter.

"Yujin," you hissed under your breath, trying to pull away.

She only tightened her grip.

"Nope," she said. "Mine now."

You could physically feel Wonyoung’s migraine forming. "You cannot just say that out loud," Wonyoung groaned, covering her face.

"I just did." Yujin smirked, swinging your intertwined hands slightly, watching your reaction with delight.

Liz and Rei lost it, muffling their laughter behind their hands.

At that moment, a staff member walked by, did a double-take at your very obvious hand-holding situation, and nearly tripped.

You wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

-

You really should have been more prepared for this.

It happened at the airport, in front of dozens of fans, reporters, and flashing cameras.

You were walking beside Yujin, scanning the crowd for any potential threats, keeping a careful distance—when suddenly—

"Honey~!"

You froze. The world stopped.

Gasps. Shrieks. Camera flashes directly in your face.

Even the security personnel ahead of you paused.

Your entire being short-circuited. "What did you just call me?"

Yujin, completely unbothered, turned to you with an innocent smile. "Honey~" she repeated, her voice sweet as sugar.

Wonyoung, Gaeul, and Rei screamed.

 Leeseo was flabbergasted, with Liz quickly covering the youngest's ear from behind.

Even the fans were losing their minds.

"OH MY GOD—"

"WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY—"

"HUH?!?!?"

"YUJIN CALLED HER BODYGUARD HONEY?!?!"

"What. The. Hell. Yujin?!" Your ears burned with embarrassment. "Are you trying to make me headline Dispatch?"

"You take care of me," Yujin said smoothly, not missing a beat. "You protect me, you make sure I eat, you saved my life—so obviously, you're my honey."

"You cannot just say that out loud in public," you hissed, absolutely mortified.

"But I just did," she replied with a grin, eyes twinkling with mischief.

You quickly cover her mouth, frantically trying to damage control. "STOP!!!!"

At this point, Wonyoung had buried her face in her hands, physically unable to process what was happening. Gaeul was bent over, wheezing. Rei looked like she was watching the most dramatic plot twist unfold in real life.

A fan nearby whispered to their friend, "Do you think they’re dating?"

You nearly collapsed.

And Yujin?

She just tugged on your sleeve, eyes filled with amusement, and smiled. "Come on, honey. Let’s go."

And as you caught the knowing grins of her members, the delighted chaos among the fans, and the sheer horror on your own face reflected in the airport glass, you realized something.

You didn’t just save An Yujin.

You unleashed a monster.

[t4tlottie]

hey so idk if you reached this in the film yet, so veryyy minor spoilers for companion BUT

that sex scene between josh and iris that lasted like one second and he busted his nut but she looked SO BORED

i have a thought about reader overhearing it, and then when iris goes to shower or whatever r waits for her and somehow seduces her or wtv and straps her THE FUCK down…poor girl cums for the first time in her botlife

You feel like throwing up all the wine you had as you watch Iris pull Josh into her arms to dance with her. That fucker doesn't deserve her. You don't think you deserve her either, but you'd sure as hell treat her better than he does. I mean, calling your robot girlfriend, who doesn't even know it, by the way, beep-boop? As a nickname? You just wanna go over there and punch him.

But you don't.

You quietly slip away and head to your room which takes you about 5 minutes to find because of how stupidly big this house is. By the time you pluck off your socks and faceplant on your bed, you hear two people rush by your door while giggling. The door a few doors down from you slams and you feel your stomach sink. Josh and Iris. They're in the room closest to you. You shut your eyes and try to think of something to distract you from the disgusting noises you're about to hear. A minute goes by and you hear Josh groan loudly, and you genuinely let out a snort. Motherfucker couldn't even last two minutes with her? Then you get irritated. Does he ever please her? Sure, she is technically a sexbot, but imagine how fun would it be to go down on a robot! Has she ever cum from him? Does she even know what it feels like to cum?

You have to know.

Your feet lead you to their door before you can even properly think about what you're doing. Of course it's unlocked, and you silently pump your fist in the air when you spot Josh passed out on the bed. The bathroom door is ajar, and the sound of running water fills your ears. You slowly sneak forward, glancing in between the gap to see Iris in her bra and panties, placing her clean clothes on the counter. Glancing once more at Josh, you shuffle toward the door and slip in while Iris' back is to you and then close it.

"Josh?" she says, voice sounding too chipper for your liking. She turns around with a smile but gasps when she sees you. Her eyes go wide, and she tries to cover herself up. "What are you doing here?"

"The door was unlocked," you respond like you're stating the obvious. "I heard you guys fucking. Not for long, though. I wanted to see if you were alright."

"If I'm...alright?" Her arms loosen around her body, figuring you're not a threat anymore. She thinks you're here to check up on her because of the noises. You must've been worried. "I'm okay."

"You sure?" You step closer, glancing down at her cleavage. Iris backs up against the cold sink, her arms slowly dropping to her sides. "Sounds like you didn't have fun. I only heard him. Are you sure you're alright? You don't need any help?"

"Help?"

You nod and give her a toothy grin. "I know he didn't make you cum."

Iris doesn't know it, but she's programmed to be devoted to Josh and only Josh. But something inside her wants to claw its way out and have you. Another part of her thinks it's wrong. You're her friend and she's with Josh. She shouldn't be thinking about this with you.

She laughs awkwardly and shakes her head, looking at you with innocence. "It's okay. It doesn't really matter. As long as Josh is satisfied, I'm happy."

Your eyes darken as she says that and you feel jealousy rise in your throat. "Has he ever made you cum, Iris? Has he ever even touched you?"

Iris thinks about it. All those times with Josh and not once did he repay the favor. But like she said, as long as Josh is happy.

She shakes her head and shifts on her feet, not knowing whether the wetness in her panties is Josh's cum or her own lubrication from this conversation. She throbs either way.

"No." she murmurs, swallowing hard.

You shuffle closer until your noses are barely an inch away. Her eyelashes flutter as you rest your hands on the sink and lean in, ghosting over her lips. "I can be your first."

Iris hums but it comes out like a whimper. Her hand comes up to pathetically push your chest but her nails dig into your shirt and she pulls you back last second to make you stay. "What about him?" It takes Iris too long to remember Josh's name as you stare her down like that, but she glances at the bathroom door.

"He doesn't have to know." you reassure her, grabbing her hand and looking for any sign of discomfort before sliding it down to cup your strap bulge. "Not like he'll be able to smell me on you anyway."

You speak again, letting your hand go from hers just to see if she keeps it there. She does. "Do you wanna do this?"

"Yes." she nods, looking down and squeezing your bulge.

You smirk and a thought comes across your mind. Josh has given Iris robot commands right in front of her face and she didn't even know it. You really wanna try it out.

"Iris, bend over." Your voice is a little timid as you speak, but there's a roughness to it.

Will it even work? Does she only respond to Josh's voice?

Suddenly, she's twisting in your grasp and showing her ass to you, waiting for you to take her. Holy fuck. It does work. Your eyes widen at how easily she listened, and now you kind of get why Josh does it so often. But fuck him still.

You quickly unzip your jeans and take out your strap, already breathing hard at the fact that you're going to be the one to make Iris cum for the first time. You hold onto her waist and smile at how she jumps with nervousness. Hooking your fingers into her panties, you pull them down and shudder at how glossy her pussy is. You admire it for too long apparently because Iris backs up and huffs, looking over her shoulder with big eyes.

"You said you'd make me cum." she impatiently whines.

"And I am. Bet Josh would already be passed out inside your cunt right now, huh? You're left throbbing around him, pretending you're satisfied, but you know you want more." You wrap your hands around the dildo and rub the tip up and down her slit, your heart beating rapidly when she moans loudly. "I'm gonna take my time making you feel good."

Slowly you enter her, desperately wishing you could feel her tight hole struggle around your cock as you watch it disappear inside. Iris' jaw goes slack as you bottom out, and she hisses in slight pain when you grip her hips to hold her hips tight against you. Fuck. Josh isn't nearly as big as you. She can feel her brain go numb as you start to move slowly, and the hand she has on the counter slips momentarily, causing her to lean forward and arch her back.

"Oh, my God." she moans, eyes rolling to the back of her head. She nearly chokes on her spit when your thumb rubs at her clit, and her hands start to shake.

With one hand on her hip and the other on her back, you roughly start to thrust into her. The sounds she makes plus the skin-on-skin contact makes you throw your head back, relishing the moment you've thought of for so long.

Iris's brow furrows as she feels this weird sensation in her lower belly. She looks at you in the mirror but you have your eyes closed. The pressure builds and builds until she can't hold it anymore, and she gushes all over your strap. You have to slap your hand over her mouth to conceal the moans spilling out of her lips. You're worried that she'll wake Josh, and as hot as that might seem, you really don't wanna have that conversation right now.

Iris pants against your hand and if you had a real cock, it would be leaking so much cum inside of her right now. She's so fuckin' hot, you think. Especially as you feel her body shake uncontrollably as she tries to come down from her first orgasm.

She taps your side with a weak finger and you remove your hand from her mouth, noting how much drool is now on it.

"That's what they feel like?" she breathes out heavily, trying her best to sit up a little straighter to look at you in the mirror. You laugh at her stunned face and she cracks a smile too. Her mouth makes an 'O' shape when you slowly slide out of her, and she shakes her head desperately. "No, stay inside. Please? Just for a little longer."

Her voice sounds shy and needy as she asks, and how could you ever deny her? You push yourself back in and grunt at the sloppy sound her pussy makes, leaning forward to rest your body weight on her as you hug her.

"Can we do this again soon?" you mumble against her cheek, thumb rubbing soft circles on her arm.

"Josh is a heavy sleeper. Why not do it again right now?"

[myrmica]

Heyy could we talk about the final scene at the end of season 4 with vitalasy asking the players if they had fun and to forget all their sufferings with each other and mapicc's whole "good job coming in second" thing because no one talks about and I feel like there's something to say about that moment simply because it's clear that no one wants to talk about it. During spokes livestream after the wormhole video was released where he explained a couple things the only thing he had to say about this moment was that it was "weird" and I agree it was weird but idk how to put it all into words and you're really amazing at articulating yourself so I'm just wondering what you thought of this moment? Especially after you pointed out that spoke refused to mention the whole vitalasy arc thing during his wormhole video.

YES!!!!! YES! I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SO MUCH. i have talked about it before, but it was in the replies to a post so i doubt anyone really saw that. you can go read the full exchange if you want but here's the meat of what i said there, lightly edited for clarity:

it's like… how can you Not resonate with zam if you're sitting there watching all of that. you're squarely in zam's head, while vitalasy is much harder to access, more obfuscated from the viewer, has less pov time. AND zam is actively misrepresenting him to you while you're trying to understand him. hmm… it's like, zam and vitalasy are the two most socially otherized figures in s4. and zam takes a lot of things out on vitalasy, turns the way people treated him back against vitalasy. and he does it in a way where he positions himself as "victim" and vitalasy as "aggressor," it says so much to me that when zam is legitimately victimized earlier in the season everyone calls him a freak for reacting to it, acts like it's his fault, mocks him. but here, when zam instead victimizes vitalasy, he's socially rewarded for it. everyone else mocks vitalasy With him. and in the end, despite wormhole being zam's lowest point by far, he's the one standing together with the rest of the server while vitalasy and subz are singled out on the other side of the circle, alone. vitalasy stands there and goes (in effect) (paraphrasing/expounding here) "i'm happy with this conclusion. i got what i wanted. it's good for me that spoke took the frontman role, played the villain when i couldn't, because i didn't want to be what spoke is." and nobody LISTENS to that, they all just keep making fun of him, saying things like "he's just going to cry about subz," going "too bad you came in second!" when he is explicitly stating that this was what he wanted! acting like his methods are inherently lesser, like he's this duplicitous person, but what SPOKE did was COOL. so it's not about the exploits, is it? it's about vitalasy. it's about vitalasy being the target zam takes all of his anger out on, the thing that allows zam to access a kind of social acceptance by distancing himself from and rejecting what vitalasy is/represents. “not letting him be true to himself because the only cool thing is violence” is really what it comes down to. this is why it's so crazy to me that eclipse was pretty much textually a romantic relationship, in a world where the only way two people can touch each other is through violence. you can say "we all sleep in the same bed," but you can't Do that, you're limited by what the game represents. if you want it to represent other things, you have to start playing pretend about it. that's always true of minecraft, but it's particularly acute on a pvp server populated primarily by teenage boys. zam being afraid of this relationship where vitalasy is trying to talk things out and compromise with him and so retreating back into violence, trying to goad vitalasy into violence, putting it back on lifesteal terms, is inextricable from his problems with the exploits rendering lifesteal's "natural" form of gameplay obsolete.

^ now you might notice that this is a pretty emotionally intense reaction. I had just finished rewatching s4 and got awfully vitalasybrained about the whole thing. which was a markedly different experience from the first time i watched s4, and found zam’s perspective much easier to access, thus taking much of her view of the world as the truth. I stand by my points here for the most part, but there’s still more to say about it.

some of that is all the stuff i get into in that last post, about the differences between spoke and vitalasy, how they play off of each other/use each other to their own ends in s4, and how zam's function as a camera is just as responsible for the position vitalasy ends up in as zam is on any direct interpersonal level. you have… many layers… of things people don’t want to talk about…. don’t know how to talk about… or, don’t want to present as part of their curated narratives.

it’s taken me forever to post this ask (it was sent on jan 10th) because i have found it impossible to come up with a concise answer. there is a lot going on here. let’s start by looking at that scene itself, The Lifesteal SMP Grand Finale, 5:58:24 - 6:15:00:

[spoke jumps in the void and /ops vitalasy.] Mapicc: Spoke, we kinda need you man. We might need you now.  Leo: I don't know about this anymore. I liked it when Spoke was flying, not Vitalasy. [vitalasy /kills everyone, attempting to bring everyone to spawn. no one understands what he’s doing.] Mapicc: Guys, everybody leave the server, don't give Vitalasy, uhh–any satisfaction. (...) Mapicc: Did we really just let Vitalasy end it? Zam: Yeah, I'm not okay with that. (...) Mapicc: Spoke just dm'd me. He said "Vitalasy and Ash have begged me for months to give them the same power. They had equal part in the creation of the exploit, and I just had better timing than them. Let's just hope they do the best with what they have." Zam: So Vitalasy and Ash both have op now. We have nothing 'cause all our items came from Spoke, so. Also, all our echests were cleared, so. I think we're more than fucked if we stay. Mapicc: You know what's crazy? At the end of the day, after all the shit Spoke talks, he still trusted Vitalasy more than us. Zam: I–that's a good point. Yeah, 'cause–that–wow. That hurts. Yeah. He–wow. Mapicc: Mhm.

note the way spoke phrases this message. vitalasy failed to do what spoke did, and then he begged spoke for that same power. this particular wording will be repeated.

a question is also raised in this exchange: it is ostensibly true that spoke trusted vitalasy more than he trusted zam and mapicc, but can it really be said that spoke trusted vitalasy? how much did spoke trust vitalasy? what does trust even mean here? we know that parrot is the only person spoke truly prioritizes in season 4; parrot opposes spoke, but he is collaborated with. vitalasy collaborates with spoke, but…

Zam: We didn't even get a screenie with like, everyone by the void!

in the ensuing chaos, vitalasy interrupts what everyone thought was the server’s final moment. everyone just wants this whole thing to be over, zam especially wants this whole thing to be over. i don’t think there’s anything vitalasy could have done at this point that would have landed. spoke hung onto his power until this last possible moment, /op-ing vitalasy only when there was nothing left to be done. If vitalasy was trying to usurp or upstage spoke, he would have been thoroughly defeated by this.

Zam: [reading a chat message] Vitalasy, mr. "I don't want to be god" Yeah, what the fuck. That's such a switch up, this entire time he's been begging for power? That's crazy. [spoke logs back on and tells everyone to join live 4. he organizes this little meeting, says “let’s give subz and vitalasy space to give their thoughts.”]

and spoke’s continued presence here is fascinating. that moment where he jumps in the void feels like it should be an ending, passing the baton to vitalasy, but that isn’t what he does. he hovers, directing the conversation. that isn’t how you handle this if you trust him. but it isn’t just that; there’s nothing left for spoke to lose, it’s all over. so he must want to hear whatever it is he thinks vitalasy has to say. 

Vitalasy: Hey guys. How's it going. How'd you like it? Was it a little thrilling, I hope? Zam: Like what? Vitalasy: The end of the season? Zam: [unenthused] It was a... crazy fight. Pretty cool. Vitalasy: Did you have fun? Zam: I'd go far enough to say so, yeah. Vitalasy: Awesome. Then I couldn't have asked for more, actually. [Zam does the thing where you zoom in on your own face in F5, looking into the camera.] Zam: Mhm. Vitalasy: I mean as Spoke said, we've been kinda orchestrating the season. Um, from the very beginning. Since the very first day, we've had access to such items, or such exploits–if you guys have any questions we're down to answer them, now that the uh, season's over and stuff. Umm. Spoke: Yo, can we like, all meet up somewhere? [Spoke teleports all of the Lifesteal members to the swamp outside of spawn.] Spoke: I wanna hear the master plan again. Zam: Oh god. Mapicc: There is no master plan. Spoke: Let's hear it, let's hear it again. Vitalasy: What–I don't know what master plan you're talking about. Mapicc: Yeah, 'cause you didn't have one. Zam: What's going on, yeah, I'm confused. Vitalasy: I just wanted everyone to have fun on the server. I missed the good old–I still do. I think–[interrupted by clutch still being banned] Spoke: Alright, keep talking, keep talking. Keep the talk. Vitalasy: I–I don't have much to say besides, I really hope you all had fun. That–that's it. That's what this game's for, that's why we play on the server. We can stop crying, moping, coping over each other. [Zam looks into the camera again.] Mapicc: You do that harder than anyone. [there's a weird, awkward silence.] Spoke: So, the console just de-opped both of you. Vitalasy: Hm? Mapicc: Parrot's on. Before he turns the server off, or does something drastic, good–[interrupted by Clutch]–shut the fuck up–oh yeah okay, you guys go. Zam: No, let Mapicc talk. Please let Mapicc talk. Please. Mapicc: Before Parrot turns off the server, or does whatever, 'cause he just got de-opped from console, good job coming in second, Vitalasy. I hope you're really glad. Vitalasy: What do you mean? Spoke: Oh my god bro. Zam: That was deep. That was deep. Mapicc: You're talking, you keep saying "we." Like you've really accomplished anything here. You turned people against each other and you go "hey guys! I really hope you had fun!" as if you planned all of this. Spoke did everything! You–you had to beg him for operator.

vitalasy showing up at the end here is pure anti-climax, of course nobody is fucking with it. and he’s kind of turning the anti-climax into the point, about how all of this only matters because they behave as if it matters, how the game itself doesn’t matter, but the people you’re playing it with do. except everyone he’s playing with is mad at him (barring itzsubz, who might be mad at princezam.) It is in fact patently absurd to walk up to a bunch of people who have spent the past several months loudly not having fun and go, i hope you had fun!

some of them probably did have fun with wormhole. but they’re counting that as spoke’s victory, something vitalasy had nothing to do with, so they’re mad at him for acting like he did. spoke’s word choice pops up again.

and then vitalasy does this, which is even funnier, because it reinforces the angle mapicc is taking here, even though it’s the wrong angle:

Vitalasy: Like I wasn't the one who gave it to him? Spoke: WOAH! WHAT THE FUCK! [continues shouting, incomprehensibly] Vitalasy: Alright buddy, calm down, calm down. From the beginning, from the beginning. Spoke: Yeah, you wanna rephrase that? Mapicc: HOW OLD ARE YOU GUYS?

this is the thing with vitalasy. he doesn’t want to do what spoke did, but he does want recognition.

Zam: I don't get this, what the hell? Mapicc: You know where humanity would be if gods acted like this, bro? How are you guys gonna call yourselves gods, you're morons. All of you. Well, except for Zam. Zam has a brain.

(funniest mapicc quote of all time. ZAM HAS A BRAIN?)

Spoke: I wanna say–I want a verbal apology, whenever, after you explain the plan. Vitalasy: No, I mean, we've been working together from the start of it, we've always been talking, no matter what side we've been on. Clutch: But how come it felt like you were in the background of it? Vitalasy: I–I don't wanna take the front and center. I don't like doing the whole–  Mapicc: [so much crosstalk happening] You weren't front and center, Vitalasy. Vitalasy: Hm? Mapicc: You–You're not... you're nowhere near as calm and collected as you say you are. Clutch: But, what did you mean by "we would all be okay?" When I called you earlier today? Vitalasy: That's for later. Clutch: LATER WHEN? WHAT? Zam: What does that mean. What does that mean. What later? WHAT LATER? Clutch: THE SERVER'S DONE. Vitalasy: Yeah. Zam: What do you mean? What? Mapicc: He doesn't know what to say. He didn't have this planned out Zam: I feel like, yeah, I feel like you just missed everything and now you're trying to like, pull something. I don't know. Clutch: You just came in and /killed all of us, and just–  Vitalasy: I was just trying to bring us back to spawn here, but. Mapicc: I think arguing is pointless. I just wanna say again, Vitalasy, good job coming in second. 'Cause if–that's what you accomplished. Vitalasy: To what? Mapicc: To Spoke! To everybody! At the end of the day, you have never been in first place, Vitalasy. Vitalasy: Why do I need to be? Mapicc: And I think it's starting to get to you. I don't think you need to be, 'cause you clearly aren't. I think you want to be, and I don't think it's gonna happen. So, go ahead and explain to us your plan, but at the end, Spoke is what–Spoke is what actually made change.

he’s fine with the role he played in comparison to spoke for a number of reasons, and one of them is the fact that he will get his video in the end regardless of all of this; whether or not you win at lifesteal doesn’t really matter if the story you’ve decided to tell is about the glitch itself more than it is about lifesteal.

but his scheme was also never something that disregarded lifesteal, even if that was how it felt to everyone else. we know that vitalasy tried to be careful in his execution of the whole thing, to keep things from being revealed too early and destroying the stakes, wanted it to be fun for the players. he isn’t without blame in things playing out the way they did, but comparing vitalasy’s side of the story with spoke’s, it really looks like spoke was actively lying to vitalasy as he went against that part of his plan.

when vitalasy initially takes the “breaking the cycle” angle with zam, it’s a combination character move and attempt at damage control (the prison was never meant to be bedrock), not something that reflects his true motivations. vitalasy wanted the game to continue; vitalasy did all of this in the first place in large part because he was trying to fix it, to re-balance it. but those attempts fail, and he is effectively pushed out of the game, reaching a point where his only real option is to ban himself because nobody is playing with him anymore. 

despite all of this, in This Exploit changed Minecraft HISTORY... vitalasy glosses over any and all possible tensions between himself and spoke: 

Vitalasy: Project Wormhole officially began on January 21st 2023. Our mission: use the exploit to increase server activity and fun. We’d accomplish this in three ways: firstly, for the next five months, we’d use the exploit to keep balance on the server, as the reason people stopped playing was because of the mass disparity between powerful and weak players. Secondly, we’d use the exploit to give players a genuine feeling of having fun playing the game. And finally, we’d create a mystery on the server, hinting at a doomsday in which we would finally destroy the server in order to prove to Mojang that this glitch had catastrophic abilities.

It’s always, “we,” “our plan,” presenting the exploiters as a united front. what stands out most about this is that he, personally, would probably look better if he pinned it all on spoke, or ash for that matter. you have a scapegoat for everything going wrong, he’s right there! you could try to absolve yourself. you could at least frame it the way spoke frames you? but in the video, things only start going wrong when 3ht finds the vault, an outside party to the exploiters as a team. he highlights the use of replay, and glosses over the actual reasons 3ht went looking; not because they were engaging with vitalasy’s game as he intended it, solving the mystery he laid out, but because they wanted to prove that he was lying to zam. of course, the tradeoff for not throwing spoke under the bus is getting to claim spoke’s successes as his own successes. and for all intents and purposes, they are.

Vitalasy: Everything was going perfectly as planned. Every day we were revealing new items or mobs to the server. And every day, the players would log on to see what was new. (...) But just when we thought our plan was secured, on March 27th, a player named PlanetLord was looking to solve the mystery of where these items were coming from. While searching for answers, he used a mod that basically lets you X-ray, and found one of the barrel stashes in which Project Wormhole was supplying from.

when he presents his own goals as shared goals, that includes his intention to patch the glitch, even though spoke didn’t know that was his ultimate goal. something he does tell zam, the one who was supposed to stay in the dark about this whole thing until the end–a fact that complicates the trust question. vitalasy, spoke, and ash were all using the exploit to completely different ends. spoke and ash’s individual goals align much better with one another than either does with vitalasy’s interests. for ash’s part, he seems to be a pure opportunist in all of this. he ends his video with the events of early february and barely mentions the wormhole proper; all he wants is the power to get a little revenge and carry out his ego trip, so it makes sense that he isn’t bothered about getting /op in the end, or interested in competing with spoke.

you have spoke’s plan, the heavy lifting involved in manipulating parrot–we know vitalasy was involved in the planning, we’re shown footage of them discussing it in calls together, testing the sign that will change the time of day and secretly pull a /gamemode, etc. vitalasy isn’t the one executing any of this but he has a vested interest in spoke’s success, since all of his plans rest on it. you have vitalasy’s plan which, aside from the part spoke wasn’t aware of, is interested in the presentation of it all; how am i telling this story? how do we reveal things over time in a way that keeps the other players invested? we get very little information on spoke’s involvement in any of this, and it would be fair to assume these things weren’t his priority. spoke cared about balancing things during wormhole, but did he care before that? vitalasy still refers to it as “our” plan even when he does acknowledge that spoke and ash went against it, but does that reflect them actually being on the same page? something tells me they weren't. If it’s true that the balancing aspects of vitalasy’s plan largely came into play post-dupe-war, in response to dupe-war, spoke must have been committed to his own plan and his own set of priorities before vitalasy laid all of this out.

details aside, not knowing that vitalasy had an ulterior motive explains why spoke wouldn’t consider that vitalasy honestly wanted him to be the frontman, even though vitalasy explicitly told him as much; why do all of this, if you didn’t want something more? he just incorrectly assumes what it is vitalasy wants.

Vitalasy: I'm... confused. You support Spoke? Spoke's plan? Zam: Yes. Yeah, that's–like, yeah. Vitalasy: Cool. I'm fine with that–  LifestealAdmin: Yo guys, can I get a word? Zam: What's up LifestealAdmin, please say whatever you want. Please, feel free. LifestealAdmin: So, uh... [bans Vitalasy and Subz] I just banned them. [everyone laughs, and applauds] Mapicc: Vitalasy, good job coming in third! Spoke: Hold on, hold on, hold on, actually–actually hold on. Let's unban Vitalasy, let's unban Subz. I actually don't want beef. I actually don't want beef. (...) Okay, I don't want beef, so I wanna hear, what–what is the–what is like, the last thing you wanna do before the server moves on to season 5. Because obviously like, I don't–I don't know, like, Parrot doesn't typically like, /op the server. Mapicc: Spoke, I want you to close the wormhole. Zam: Oh yeah true, can you get rid of everyone? Yeah. Spoke: Hey, I kinda said like, uhh, 11:59 was the end of the civilization event. Mapicc: Spoke, I want you to close the wormhole. Me and Zam joined you for one reason and one reason only, and that was for people to lose the ability to play. If there is a bunch of people on right now, it is completely against what me and–  Vitalasy: Bruh, that was literally what I was doing. Spoke: I have a–okay, I can /ban @a... yeah, that could work. Vitalasy: Dog, I was literally banning all the new players. Spoke: Yeah, okay, my bad. [Spoke bans all of the new players, and Subz and Vitalasy, and LifestealAdmin.] Spoke: Whoopsies. LifestealAdmin, I'm so sorry. [he unbans them.] Spoke: Okay, final–final plan. Vitalasy, Subz. I–I just wanna hear it. Because, I think–uh, from my perspective–from my perspective of all of this, like, we both had an equal hand in discovering, like, the exploit. I mean, we've joined calls with the–the literal, like, creator of it, that has spent the past like, two years of their life like, learning about it, exploring it. And, I mean, we pushed the boundaries of it together. We took it from what was once just a little like–like, chat visual glitch, to an actual like, physical, game breaking glitch. And, I mean, I can–like–I can't thank you enough for that. But, I knew when I first found it–I–and when I first learned the possibilities of it, that only one could get op. Vitalasy: Yep. Spoke: Now, with that being said, I wanna hear your final goal with all of this.

let’s pivot for a second. here’s exactly what spoke has to say about this scene in complete wormhole breakdown, 57:40 - 1:02:10:

Spoke: The two things I have not explained so far is, the dynamics between the rest of the players, and Vitalasy and Subz. And Ashswag. Now I also removed this from the final cut, but this was originally going to be a major plot point in the video, and I still actually don't know the full truth of it, and that's why I removed it, because I still don't understand the full reality of it. Spoke:  But, I am honestly under the assumption that Vitalasy was working with Parrot in the finale. That may sound like a crazy conspiracy, and it probably is, 'cause I don't think he actually did, but I fully believed he did. (...) Yeah, I fully believed that–[reading a chat message] I mean Parrot asked Vitalasy to help? YES! YEAH, I REMEMBERED–yeah, okay, yeah. I also–so, during, when I first got op, like the days after, Vitalasy was constantly messaging me to also get op. And now, I’ll give him credit, like, Vitalasy was the reason why I even found the exploit in the first place, and was the person who got me in contact with Silicat, but the reason why I didn’t give him op, and I told him like, oh it’s just like a safety hazard you know, like I’ll make sure to give you guys op in the very end, like, that’s what I told him, and I told Ash the same thing, but Ash was more like, he was like “okay, I get that.” He’s like, “as long as you can give me the force, like, wands i’m fine with that.” So, Ash was really chill.  Spoke: But Vitalasy on the other hand–Vitalasy, because he, I also didn’t say this, but in May 1st, Parrot reveals to me that Vitalasy did, um, help him with the ban thing. And Vitalasy never told me about it! Vitalasy never told me that Parrot and him were like, working together. And when Parrot told me about this, I assumed it was just used to like, to convince me to stop working with them, but that’s where I realized later that, Parrot and Vitalasy were probably in cahoots. They were probably–what was probably happening was, Parrot was trying to get Vitalasy to get op, so that then I’d show him to like, the control room, he can see all my repeating command blocks, and then once he can remove all of that, he could take me off the server. And… I knew /op-ing vitalasy would probably be the one way I would get defeated. So, that’s why Vitalasy never got op, and there was a lot more points, especially after the vault was found, where I was definitely consider–considering leaving the team entirely, to focus on May 1st myself. But I knew if I left the team, then the exploit would get out there, Vitalasy–or, Parrot would learn the truth, and then it would just… not work. (...) Spoke: This was also where I /opped Vitalasy and like, Subz and Ash. But… I wasn’t really… I don’t even wanna talk about this. I’m kinda tired, I don’t really wanna talk about this. ‘Cause then, they started just like killing everybody and banning people and then this final convo happens where they… uh, I dunno. It’s weird. It’s a little–it’s weird. I don’t really like this. I–I even messaged Parrot to hop on LifestealAdmin and ban them. And he proceeded to do that and it was really funny.

so, what was spoke expecting in this moment? what did he want vitalasy to say? presumably, he was looking for a reveal. he wanted to be proven right, that he shouldn’t have trusted vitalasy, that it was never collaboration. the exploit is like a loaded gun on the table, neither spoke nor vitalasy can take the other out of the picture without destroying the chance to see their respective projects through, only vitalasy needs spoke, and past a certain point spoke really doesn’t need vitalasy (though again, where might he have been without someone else to take the fall?). but spoke correctly guesses that vitalasy isn't telling him everything, and he doesn’t understand that vitalasy requires his success in order to succeed himself, so he plays against him. you could in turn say that spoke is the one being played, but that’s the wrong way to look at it, we’ve been thinking on spoke’s terms here. vitalasy presents them as a united front.

Vitalasy: I mean, as I gained the powers more and more, from you, and from the barrels, and all that, I realized it's... not that fun. To have it all. To have /op? To have everything? There's no difference. It doesn't–it doesn't make the game any more fun, and– 

of course spoke has no idea what to do with this. "I don’t really like this. It was weird." yeah, i bet it was weird, mr. "and that feeling... was pretty cool." 

and it still leaves the question, if it isn’t fun, why did you want it so bad? for this? to make a point? to prove something to yourself, to try to prove something about yourself to everyone else? …to prove that you’re better than i am?

in this regard, vitalasy is a fundamental threat to his power. not just being–in spoke’s own words–the only thing that could have defeated him in the end, if he did get op and choose to use it against him, but–assuming his fears were unfounded–in the fact that spoke was wrong to consider vitalasy a threat. that vitalasy only earnestly wanted him to succeed, was really only playing at opposing him. that at the end of the day, vitalasy wanted something different from what spoke wanted. 

an extrapolation: you are working with him but you know, in the back of your mind, that you have to beat him to the finish line. you reveal the exploits earlier than he wants, knowing it will lessen his chances and aid your own. In the end, you discover that it was never even a race.

Zam: So why'd you do it?  Vitalasy: I never wanted, I never wanted to be the one to take down the server, to be the tyrant, or any of that.

this is where vitalasy fails to fully articulate himself. he dodges zam’s question entirely. how do you gain enough of that power to realize you didn’t want it, if you never wanted it in the first place? i think we’re all familiar with the defense mechanism which supposes a realization as having happened sooner than it really did, allowing you to have never been wrong in the first place. he’s a little more forthcoming in Season 4 Is Over!, 31:00:

Vitalasy: I realized like, a few things this season. One thing is like, I learned a bunch about myself. Like, and who I want to be for future seasons. Another thing was like, I remember end of season 3, I was like "oh my god, I've never been the bad guy. I've never like, tasted the feeling of being a villain. And... once we had exploits, and had everything, all the power in the world, it... it just felt like nothing. Hah. And I mean, luckily Spoke is the one to take it to the extreme. But you and I stayed pretty chill on this, and–  Subz: We did have every opportunity ever to do exactly what Spoke did. Vitalasy: Yeah, we literally had access to the same exact items to get operator as well, so like. Subz: Yep. Vitalasy: I don't know. That just says something to myself, about who I am. Like, I can't believe I did that. If I told myself like a year ago, in season 4 you're gonna get op, you're gonna have the ability to get op? I would have taken it and gone crazy. But here we are. Like, barely used it, up until the very end.  Subz: I guess we just don't like exploits. We're just anti-exploiters. Vitalasy: Nah–no, no, I think–I wanted–I always had the idea of like, only use exploits if other people are using a worse exploit, basically. And it's funny, I think I told you this, like... they, Baconwaffles–like, Solar Union, um... and the entire server was mad at us and targeted us for having an exploit. Even though we were using that exploit to defend ourselves, against larger exploits to come. Yet, here we are with the larger exploits. And because I–we had gotten rid of so much of it, we weren't able to help as much. Subz: It was too late. Vitalasy: I just think it's ironic, and it's–ahh... lesson learned, I guess. Subz: Lesson learned.

here vitalasy admits that he did set out to be the “tyrant.” he wanted to know how it felt, and he got his answer. everyone knows that he did, intuitively, because it was obvious–and he had (obliquely) admitted the same to zam, before.

but that still isn’t a complete explanation. during wormhole, vitalasy is still suffering from the strange results of his attempt to split his in-game and out-of-game motives down the middle. It allows him to say completely contradictory things–i set out to be the bad guy, but i was only ever using the exploits for good, in self defense!–and mean them on some level, even though to everyone else it reads as nothing but lies–but if this is all he has to offer in the end, what were the lies in service to? why did he do all of this? and he still can’t explain it even if he wanted to, because the video he did it all for isn’t out yet. he’s still trapped in the web of stupid problems he’s created for himself even as he’s trying to explain how much he learned from said problems, and how different it’s made him.

everyone involved understands, on some level, that whatever vitalasy was trying to do has already fallen apart, but he’s standing here acting like he’s won something. they don’t understand how spoke’s victory can also be his victory. they are misidentifying what it is that has failed, and they’re missing the fact that, though he could have never known going in, he needed it to fail more than he needed it to succeed. that this is a victory of its own.

while everything is still going to plan, spoke’s role as the one orchestrating the wormhole makes it possible for vitalasy to play a character who will fight against it, and once everything starts falling apart, spoke’s presence is what allows him to step back and ban himself and get excited for the wormhole despite it all. this means that even before he’s experienced the full consequences of having set himself up to play the villain and failing to follow through, he still tends towards framing himself as somehow justified/right/good. It’s just that it changes over time from something he thinks is serving a dramatic reveal into something he needs to be the truth. i don’t know how vitalasy expected the server to react to him, or to his character, or to the revelation of his character as a construct–we know he wanted it to be fun, wanted things to unfold in such a way where the spirit of the game remained intact, but the original trajectory of it all makes him look so much worse than his failures do; lying to zam the entire time, knowing that zam might betray in the end and stringing her along anyway. 

the way vitalasy describes it in that behind the scenes video, he’s describing the videos he wanted to make. in phase 5, in my video, i’ll explain everything. but when do the other players find out? would this moment, the end of the wormhole, have been that reveal for them? look, i had all of this power and i only used it for good. but now there’s nothing left to reveal. you gave it all away, and all that’s left is yourself.

vitalasy was already placed in a position where there was nothing he could do to convince anyone of anything, for reasons largely beyond anyone’s control. if he could have just committed to playing the villain, it might have fixed everything. It would have given the bedrock prison a purpose, at least. but he couldn’t, because it would require compromising his own needs. and even if he had, they still would have been mad at him–there was no winning. If there was no spoke figure there to keep the plan in motion, if it was just vitalasy, things would have been much worse. vitalasy would have been infinitely more trapped in that position and if he had still refused it, there would have been no finale to deliver some sort of payoff.

as such, spoke and ash revealing everything too early is the pivot point that simultaneously destroys everything and saves vitalasy, in a weird way. It forces him to be honest with zam, to have to try and make it work anyway. to be himself, instead of maintaining the character split. It makes sense that vitalasy isn’t mad about it. it had to happen. the trajectory he was on wasn’t working.

season 4 is lifesteal as a system working against itself. they're being held hostage by the audience, by the secrets that have to be kept from the audience, and by the fact that they are people trying to function on narrative rules. some of them are manipulating each other for real; some of them are backpedaling on that trajectory hard and not being believed, because of the true potential to be manipulated for real. no one can explain anything to each other, there’s no pre-negotiation, no trust, no one can ask for what they want. you might hope that, having reached the final moment of it all, this would stop being true. but it doesn’t. no one is able to articulate it. they just keep on talking past each other. vitalasy tries to articulate it, but he can’t get all the way there.

[LifestealAdmin whispers to Zam: I'm having a LOT of fun!!!! :) x4] Vitalasy: Anyways, I'm very glad that I could be, you know–that you could have taken that role for me. [silence, for a moment.] Mapicc: That said, what is the plan? Vitalasy: Ummm, Minecraft? Clutch: Let's have a minecraft party! Vitalasy: You guys can move on to the new server if you want, but personally? I'd just like to go fishing with my friends. There doesn't need to be some big ending, why don't we just play? How we want to play? Mapicc: Because it's already way far past fishing peacefully in Minecraft right now. Look around you. Zam: I don't–yeah, no, this place is so messed up. I don't know how you could try to stay here.  Vitalasy: Exactly, that's what I'm saying. You guys can move on. LifestealAdmin: Boys, boys, I'm gonna be honest bro, like, I just think everybody's rationale is dookie booty, see you next season, boys. [Everyone is banned. Zam laughs.] Mapicc: You know what Zam, does that count? I'll take that. Zam: Does that count? That does count, yeah.

vitalasy’s wormhole video is, as far as i know, the only video to include this scene at all. It’s the final piece of lifesteal footage shown, before vitalasy ends it talking about how he succeeded in getting the glitch patched. we get one line of dialogue from vitalasy, and then it cuts away–knowing, having seen it, that this is because there’s nothing else of it he could have included without calling the rest of the video into question. not just the parts that make himself look better, all of it. he would have to acknowledge the fact that he’s tying it all up in a bow and the bow doesn’t fit right.

Vitalasy: As players flooded the server I smiled with glee, knowing that this was not only about to be the end of the server, therefore forcing us all to make a new server and start fresh, but also the ending of Project Wormhole. I fought against the wormhole with the other players to make the event fair, but the doomsday continued as planned. As hours went by, totems were removed, hearts were taken, and effects were cleared, all to build up to the moment when we could finally /stop the server for good. But the more I fought against the wormhole, the more I found myself… not… having fun. While the players had a goal, to survive the wormhole event, because I knew everything, I didn’t really know what to do. I could have continued mindlessly going into battle against the wormhole, but at the time, that simply didn’t seem enjoyable. For so long I had hidden behind the curtains of my great project, and now watching it unfold, I had no role to play. So seeing my best friend next to me, just as lost as I was, for the first time in eleven months, I decided to put the wormhole project aside.  [cut to recording; the end of their confrontation with zam, decontextualized.] Vitalasy: Why don’t we just log off? Don’t you remember like, the good old days? Days of minecraft. Building, just… playing minecraft. [cut] Subz: why the hell does it matter what other people want. Or, not really like that but like– Vitalasy: No, I get what you mean. We are doing what we want for us. Subz: Yeah, yes, yes. That’s what I meant. [back to voiceover] Vitalasy: So we waited and watched, as the server we used to care about crumbled. Because in the end it didn’t matter, server or not. We learned what mattered most. That's why we made Project Wormhole; to end the server while bringing its players closer together. Us included.

that’s why we made project wormhole; to end the server while bringing its players closer together. us included. 

[PARROT STARED AT ME, AS HE REALIZED: I DIDN’T JUST EXPLOIT A GAME, I EXPLOITED A FRIENDSHIP I HAD BUILT OVER YEARS. VIDEO AFTER VIDEO, I LIED ABOUT THE EXPLOITS, I LIED ABOUT THE STORY, I LIED ABOUT THE NPPP TO ARTIFICIALLY CREATE HIS PURPOSE. I LIED TO THE VIEWERS, I LIED TO MY FRIENDS, I LIED TO GET TO THIS PLACE, THE ONE PLACE THAT WAS DEEMED IMPOSSIBLE. BUT THE TRUTH IS? THAT ANYBODY COULD HAVE ABUSED THE WORMHOLE. BUT NOBODY COULD HAVE DONE WHAT I HAD ACHIEVED.]

and spoke thinks, why did you forgive me? I thought you’d hate me for it. but you don’t.

princezam says: you aren’t allowed to forgive me. 

vitalasy thinks: i wish you would forgive me. I wish you would forgive yourself.

vitalasy and subz stand there after she leaves and they say, maybe it was only ever meant to be the two of us–vitalasy bookends this same scene, decontextualized, with the sentiment that he and subz were brought together through all of this.

….at what cost? what a hollow win condition. It wasn’t about that. 

we’re doing what we want for us. and it is selfish, by some measures. by zam’s measures, and maybe by everyone else’s too, what vitalasy does in season 4 is selfish. the wormhole is, on the parts of everyone involved, a scheme prioritizing their stories over everyone else's in true lifesteal fashion, declaring narrative control, orchestrating the shape of an entire season; a year of everyone’s lives. vitalasy could not end further from where he began: there is no climax to my story, there is no twist ending, there’s just me. he set it all up with the intention of there being those things, and in the videos where he can gain back distance and narrative control, maybe there is. but over the course of season 4 it all unravels, until it’s just him. and isn’t this the same lesson zam had to learn with eclipse? that you can’t compromise yourself? that you might end up in a situation and realize that it’s not what you want, and have to find a way to get yourself out of it. even an inelegant one. It isn’t just vitalasy creating a role that zam can’t fill, it’s zam doing it back at him, too, building on the framework until the whole thing collapses for both of them. how do you explain the realization that you don’t want what you thought you wanted, but that all of the time wasn’t wasted, because you had to go through it to get where you are now, even though you would never do it again? you don’t. tie it up in a bow.

a contradiction: the server isn’t what matters, the people are what matters, but we refuse to give it up–we’ll be back. and what’s with his fixation on the day one fishing spot, anyway? this juxtaposition where it can be both the site of the exploit’s discovery and the epitome of normal minecraft the way vitalasy talks about it, some sort of threshold. what would that moment have been without the exploit, is that the question? no, because vitalasy doesn’t regret doing it. he needed to do this, to learn from it. but now he’s done. why does vitalasy want to revisit that originary moment–a moment spent with the other exploiters? us included. why does he want to stay in the world, explore its ruins, build an ugly house, hang all of his sentimental items on the wall? vitalasy and subz talk about zam like they don’t want to remember her, and she’s absent from these final videos, but she gets hung on the wall too.

two years later, princezam says: i need to forgive myself through you.

the locus of tension in the final eclipse argument–part and parcel with the things people will refuse to talk about, moving forward–is on the fact that zam hates herself and what she’s done and the situation she’s found herself in, but she won’t actually do anything to make it better. it takes her two years afterwards to even begin to work it out. that scene is the climax of their personal stories in season 4 and it amounts to vitalasy, having been changed so dramatically in large part because of the effect zam had on him, running into the fact that she is rejecting that same kind of change in favor of taking her anger out on the world and with it, herself. she wants to leave it behind, and she wants to forget it happened. spoke, for his part, seems to take about the same amount of processing time on all of this that zam does.

this final scene is just a nail in a coffin. people talking past each other. at that moment in time, vitalasy and the rest of lifesteal rendered incapable of understanding each other.

Zam: I'll talk to Bacon about it. (...) Maybe I can talk to Mapicc about it. [pause] ugh, but then I'm scared that they're gonna be like–nah, cause like, I don't–I don't wanna talk to someone about it and then they'll just be like, yeah, no, Vitalasy was like, evil. And then it's like–cause like–everyone–everyone on the server at that point strongly believed that he was, right? I don't know.

how do you talk about that? first, you just don’t understand it. you cannot seem to grasp what he’s telling you, nothing to be done with it. later… maybe you would understand it. but it’s been so much time, and admitting you were wrong is really one of the hardest things in the world (and telling someone else that they were wrong might be harder still).

[megtrns]

Hey there, hun!!! Congrats on 100!!! 🥰♥️ Would you be down to maybe do something with Swerve??? (SFW or NSFW, completely up to you!!!) I fear he’s quite underrated, and I feel like he’d be so wonderfully pathetic and lame around his partner/SO/romantic interest!!! It’d be utterly adorable haha!!! Happy New Year’s!!!

a/n : ahh i'm so late with this, sorry for only getting back to you now ! happy new years and i hope the first month of the year has been kind to you. thank you for the well wishes <3 i notice that you've been supporting me on tumblr for a while now and i hope you know i appreciate your presence !!! i hope you don't mind some angst and pining featuring our sweet boy !!

and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid (like i love you). swerve / gn!reader. sfw. angst.

swerve thinks you're beautiful. he knew from the moment he saw you from a distance. ever since then, swerve's become — as skids called it — a 'secret admirer'.

chromedome's been telling him that the whole 'staring from afar' thing is getting really creepy. rewind thinks it is creepy, period. but they just don't get it. everyone hates humans just because they're organic. getaway thinks they're abnormal. first aid was kind enough to settle with 'unusual'. but swerve thinks they're all just a bunch of bigots missing out on the fact that you're hardworking, smart, and very, very nice to look at.

(whirl once interjected his rambling to say that he has a sick fetish, but swerve thinks the ex-wrecker's just jealous that you liked to spend more time with him than anyone else.)

it's lost on him how someone as kind and helpful as you have been rendered into nothing but background noise for everyone else to ignore. slag, some people even don't know of your presence aboard the ship! as if earth had not made a big show of sending their liaison and the crew off the night before their voyage — just shows how very little these bots think of humans.

but swerve believes the little guys should stick together, because he knows a little too well what it feels like to be ignored. so the two of you have formed a sort of camaraderie that quickly grew into friendship. you'd wrap up your duties as quickly as possible to end the day with a drink at his bar, cocktails always on the house — he finds experimenting with human liquor fun, except for when you have to spit it back into the glass because he read the instructions backward.

he knows he's a motormouth but swerve just gets so excited when you're around; captivated by how your eyes glow under the dim lighting of the room. the best part of it all is that you always listen to him. and he knows when you tell him he's funny, you mean it.

(one time you told him that he's the kind of mech that can make anyone smile. and swerve is sure he's burned the sound of your voice into his processor from all the times he'd replayed the compliment in his helm.)

but your little get-togethers and movie nights have grown to become a little...dangerous. he finds himself getting worked up over every interaction with you, going as far as losing recharge and appetite for his daily rations. these days, he also gets distracted a lot whenever you talk, catching himself listening less and staring more.

the sinking realisation that he was in love with you didn't hit him like a ton of bricks. it came to him like the first lull of recharge; slow, steady, and inevitable.

he spent days and weeks trying to come up with a clever way to tell you, afraid that he was going to ruin it by saying something stupid. going so far as to practice in front of tailgate. enthusiastic as ever, the white and blue minibot insisted that everything would go perfectly, urging swerve to — as the humans say it — 'throw caution in the wind.'

hence, during a quiet part of your movie night — when you looked so beautiful against the projector's glow — swerve found himself confessing, spark was racing and optics glued to the servos twiddling atop his lap.

for the first few seconds, he felt newfound relief wash over him.until you had reached to touch one of his servos, urging him to look at you.

swerve thinks you're beautiful when you smile, like when you throw your head back to laugh at one of his jokes or when you snort into your hand at a funny part of the film. you're even beautiful when you're angry at him, with your cheeks all red and lips curled to a scowl. so it's not a surprise that to the bartender, even as a single tear slides down your cheek, you were still beautiful.

" i'm sorry," you whispered. voice small and guilty.

there were a lot of commands going around his central processor, but nothing was more important than the need to make you smile. it was reflex, 'muscle memory' as you once said. and he knows he can always make you smile, even when it feels like his spark chamber's going to collapse in itself — because that's just the type of mech swerve was.

and for you, the minibot gave the biggest grin he could muster. reassuring you that there was nothing to be sorry about.

(he knew this was stupid, he grimaced to himself, stupid.)

and when you pulled him into a hug, pressing your face against his neck cables to comfort him as best as you can, swerve tries not to look at the movie playing on the screen — the sight of the protagonists kissing under the moonlight sucker punching him in the tank.

everyone tells him this was for the best. human lives are short and fleeting; his and your existence are like two passing ships in the night, never to cross again at the end of this voyage. it made more sense now, why everyone kept the tiny human at arm's length.

but to swerve this still changed nothing, you were still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

but maybe beautiful things are better admired from afar.

[wafflexdguy]

Goob Headcanons!

It's the Goob! The Goobert Snoobert!!!!

Romantic/Platonic Headcanons featuring some angst! :D

--------------------------

Goob loves hugs, and this is very obvious when he hugs you a little bit more often than he does with other toons. It's almost always on sight with him; the second he sees you his arms go flying out in your general direction. He doesn't always hit his target and may accidentally grab another toon or visitor of Gardenview. 

Of course, when other toons comment on his behavior towards you, his response is almost always, "Oh yeah, I guess I have!" And doesn't really comment any further on that. In his mind, you always need a hug, no matter the time or place! 

Except for funerals.

Assuming Gardenview already closed down and your doing your whole 'Ichor machine' mission; Goob is always close by. Sometimes coincidentally, but also because he doesn't like the idea of a Twisted chasing you and not being able to be there to help by hugging you out of the way. Even if you have the situation handled by getting out of sight, and sometimes putting himself in danger in the process. Please tell him that putting himself in danger just for you isn't always the best idea. 

Visitors and Employees do comment on how you two are almost inseparable -Barring Scraps- because you're always around Goob or Goob and Scraps. Visitors find it cute while Employees find it confusing, considering that in my personal headcanon, you don't really meet each other in the show. 

Unless you want to meet each other in the show, then the Employees won't comment on it. 

Scraps adores your relationship towards Goob, romantic or not. The interactions you two have with each other are almost always fun to watch, barring Twisted chases. Sometimes she intentionally leaves you alone, saying she has to do something and then just watch you two do whatever, gushing over her brother getting along with you so well.

...

Of course, everything isn't always so dandy. 

For sakes of actually having headcanons here, Twisted Goob isn't immediately hostile to you, just more watching you, unable to determine if he should attack or not. If you run away he'll just opt for walking after you. Not exactly chasing, just walking after you. 

And he won't observe from a distance either, he'll be right there next to you while you extract a machine, sitting there silently while you're blissfully unaware of his presence. Once you're finished and see him, maybe you'll freak out, maybe you won't. Maybe your first instinct is to run, maybe it isn't. 

Either way, you have a follower for the entire floor, whether you like it or not. It's mostly down to him just feeling really safe around you. You'll notice that his expression when Twisted is one of either pain or sadness (maybe some anger) but whenever he's around you, he feels a lot more safer and calm, with instead of the sad expression, it's more neutral or in rare cases happy. Of course, the smile would be the same as Twisted Scraps or Toodles, but it's still a smile!

That's not to say that he won't attack other Toons; he will but usually he can be calmed down by just putting yourself in front of the Toon in question. It'll temporarily calm him down enough to where the Toon can escape, (Assuming it's not a shrimp that'll stay due to him saying "I HATE TWISTED HUGGERS!!!!") and everyone is happy.

Eventually when panic time kicks off and see's everyone else going towards the elevator, he'll notice you're heading there too and kind of panic, kind of not. He'll assume it's just normal and that you'll be back eventually. So he'll wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Maybe you can see where this is going. 

Much like Glisten, he'll have a breaking point if you encounter him too many times to the point where he'll just hug you and won't let go the next time you see him. A Toon will have to break you out of the not so restrictive prison by blowing a airhorn right next to him. 

My personal headcanon around it is that Twisted Goob really hates being alone, just like Glisten. Except unlike Glisten, he won't... y'know, kill you. So with Goob, there's a lot less risk of dying with him, assuming there isn't another Twisted around. His arms are good for hugging tightly but not really good for defending. 

Speaking of defending, for Twisted Goob, he'll grab the Twisted that's chasing you and just... Hug them. Allowing you time to escape and really pissing off the Twisted that he robbed of a hit or free kill. 

...

But back to when things were happy and dandy!

A lot of visitors love to just see you two interact and basically do fluffy things, cuddling, hugging, interacting and playing, it's all well and good for corporate! They're earning money, the visitors are earning adorable photos and you and Goob are happily interacting with each other!

You'll notice in the interactions post I've made that his Hug ability he's usually protective or really likes hugs. Of course, he'll do this randomly and this can get really awkward if you were in the middle of an extraction, causing a failed skill check promptly having Twisteds coming after both of you. He'll just awkwardly chuckle and apologize, to which you might forgive him. 

But in conclusion: For the fluffy parts of these headcanons, it's mostly you and Goob hugging and just having fun together. With the Angst parts of these headcanons, it's more or less Goob being a mix of protective and curious but also just self interested with him staying around you only so he can feel safe. 

But to clarify, the Twisted version of him does like to be around you more because he likes you more than doing it out of self interest.

[mefreakio]

I'll just do all of them at once because my blog is small, I'm bored, and it's fun :)

General kin asks:

Who are your main kins? Is there a reason they're your main kins?

I have one main kintype, Mercutio. Everything just feels very very me.

How many kins are you aware of? If you don't want to list them all that's fine, just do your top ones.

Just one kintype :)

Who is the most recent kin you have discovered? Do you have any information on them (ie kin type, what happened in your canon, ect)?

Do you have a kin you didn't expect to kin but did?

Yup. I did not go into my English class's Romeo and Juliet unit expecting to be or even like Mercutio but uhhhhh that happened.

Do you have a 'kin type' (Ie do you always kin characters with black hair, do you kin characters with a temper, ect)? Can you relate this 'type' to yourself currently?

Uhhhh not that I know of, since I only have one kintype

Is there a character from media that you haven't engaged with that you're kinsidering?

Nope

Do you have any kins that take place in an AU? Or any kin you'd like to see in an AU?

Nope

Do you have a favorite kin? Why are they your favorite?

My only kintype lol

Is there a kin source you have that no one else seems to kin from?

YES OH MY GOD I've only met ONE other Romeo and Juliet kin WHYYYY

Do you have a specific kin type (ie otherkin, fictionkin, objectkin, ect) that you lean towards?

I use the term fictionkin mainly.

If you could live in any of the worlds your kin is from, which one would you like to live in?

I would absolutely want to live in Verone but not in modern times, I just want to go back and see my friends again really

Have you met any canonmates before? If so which canons/kins?

Nope and I'm not looking for any because I'm nervous af.

Do you have any kins that are no longer main kins for you? Who are they?

Yes, I used to identify as Applejack (MLP G4) but it turns out that was just a flickertype.

How did you discover being kin? If you don't want to share for any reason, what age did you learn about kin?

I wasn't even expecting to like studying Shakespeare at all but then I started looking at Romeo and Juliet fanart and became inexplicably drawn to Mercutio in the Romeo et Juliette french musical, and then in class we had to perform three scenes of our choice from the play in groups, and one of my friends was cast as our Mercutio and I started to get like this insanely strong feeling that everything was wrong and everything felt off and I should be Mercutio, not her (no shade to my friend though). So then eventually I asked her if she was willing to swap roles and she agreed (she was not interested in performing in general and was happy with a minor role) and the moment she said yes it was like the stars aligned or something. Then I got increasingly obsessed with the musical and started kinsidering if I'm Mercutio and I kinfirmed it pretty fast due to the whole 'everything feels wrong if I'm not Mercutio' thing.

-

Specific kin asks:

What is the most important relationship(s) you had as [kin]? Or do you have a comfort character that links to [kin]?

I was closest to Benvolio, and now he's my comfort character too

Give a brief summary of your kin timeline! Or write about why you kin [character].

(I dont understand the question so im gonna skip this. I'll figure out what a kin timeline is later)

Do you have any music you associate with [kin]? If you want to list multiple songs!

Pretty much all the songs from source that I sing in.

Does your kin (or anyone else) have a queer identity in your memories? If you don't have any memories, do you have a headcanon for [kin] or anyone else?

Yes! I was pansexual and homoromantic, pretty sure Benvolio was bisexual, and I have a strong suspicion Romeo was aromantic (ironic, I know) because he did NOT know what romance actually is and I doubt he wouldve figured it out.

What are your most comforting memories? If you don't have any memories, do you have any scenes from source that bring you comfort?

I do have a few memories of waking up with Benvolio in the morning and just lying there together for a while. No details though, they're pretty vague. I remember things that were shown in source a lot better that things that happened outside of source canon.

What hobbies did you have as [kin]? Or are there any you do to feel connected with [kin]?

I think I remember I liked to dance, but I literally cannot dance in this life (well I cant do modern dances at least) and it makes me sad 😔

As [kin] were there any fashion types you enjoyed and/or wore? Is there any fashion types you'd like to see [kin] wearing?

I'm... pretty sure my entire closet was purple.

Were there any differences in your kins canon appearance to your kin timeline? If not is there any differences would make to your canon apperance?

Nope I was pretty much identical to source.

Do you have any food that you link to [kin]? Did you enjoy eating this food or is there another reason?

GELATO I remember loving that stuff and I still do!

Did you listen to any music as [kin]? Or what music do you associate with [kin]?

I didn't listen to music, I WAS the music (being from a musical be like)

What does your fandom get right about [kin]? Why do they get wrong?

Someone headcanoned my last name is Bellerose instead of Escalus and I have absolutely noooooo clue where they got that from but I'm 99% sure that actually was my last name in my canon.

Also I did flirt with Tybalt, but only to get him angry WHICH HE DID, EVERY SINGLE TIME and it was HILARIOUS. BUT I definitely did not like him and he did not like me either. Fandom ships us 9 times out of 10 and I'll never escape the fanart so I've accepted my fate. I'm also a fan of my source so from a fan perspective I actually kinda ship it myself but not in a serious way. I just think it's funny lmao

Are there any similarities between canon [kin] and you? Is there anything canon got wrong?

Hmmm everything was accurate I think

Do you have any regrets as [kin]? What would you have done differently?

Perhaps picking a fight with Tybalt was not such a good idea after all. Actually forget perhaps that was definitely not a good idea and if I ever meet canonmates (unlikely) or sourcemates (also unlikely) I'm pretty sure they'll say the same

What was your universe/world like as [kin]? Or what would it be like living in the world of [kin]?

Everyone hated everyone else basically

Favourite part about being [kin]? Why?

Hmmm... everything?

Least favourite part about being [kin]? Why?

THE OBSCURITY OF MY SOURCE I JUST WANT SOME SOURCEMATES PLEASE

Do you have a favourite picture of your kin? If not is there any of a comfort character?

EVEN BETTER I HAVE MULTIPLE :D

And this is me and Benvolio while my uncle sings the first song in the musical and absolutely killed it ✨

Large kin ask game

Notes: I tried to make these friendly to both kin with memories and folk who kin with no memories! Also the second set of questions are heavily linked to fictionkin, but feel free to use for any kin type!

-

General kin asks:

🏆. Who are your main kins? Is there a reason they're your main kins?

🤯. How many kins are you aware of? If you don't want to list them all that's fine, just do your top ones.

👤. Who is the most recent kin you have discovered? Do you have any information on them (ie kin type, what happened in your canon, ect)?

🦧. Do you have a kin you didn't expect to kin but did?

🍿. Do you have a 'kin type' (Ie do you always kin characters with black hair, do you kin characters with a temper, ect)? Can you relate this 'type' to yourself currently?

🦄. Is there a character from media that you haven't engaged with that you're kinsidering?

🌐. Do you have any kins that take place in an AU? Or any kin you'd like to see in an AU?

🌟. Do you have a favorite kin? Why are they your favorite?

📚. Is there a kin source you have that no one else seems to kin from?

🪶. Do you have a specific kin type (ie otherkin, fictionkin, objectkin, ect) that you lean towards?

🌱. If you could live in any of the worlds your kin is from, which one would you like to live in?

🪀. Have you met any canonmates before? If so which canons/kins?

🎆. Do you have any kins that are no longer main kins for you? Who are they?

🪄. How did you discover being kin? If you don't want to share for any reason, what age did you learn about kin?

-

Specific kin asks:

💕. What is the most important relationship(s) you had as [kin]? Or do you have a comfort character that links to [kin]?

🖋. Give a brief summary of your kin timeline! Or write about why you kin [character].

🎶. Do you have any music you associate with [kin]? If you want to list multiple songs!

🌈. Does your kin (or anyone else) have a queer identity in your memories? If you don't have any memories, do you have a headcanon for [kin] or anyone else?

🍃. What are your most comforting memories? If you don't have any memories, do you have any scenes from source that bring you comfort?

🥁. What hobbies did you have as [kin]? Or are there any you do to feel connected with [kin]?

👗. As [kin] were there any fashion types you enjoyed and/or wore? Is there any fashion types you'd like to see [kin] wearing?

🪞. Were there any differences in your kins canon appearance to your kin timeline? If not is there any differences would make to your canon apperance?

🍔. Do you have any food that you link to [kin]? Did you enjoy eating this food or is there another reason?

🎧. Did you listen to any music as [kin]? Or what music do you associate with [kin]?

🐣. What does your fandom get right about [kin]? Why do they get wrong?

🐦. Are there any similarities between canon [kin] and you? Is there anything canon got wrong?

💧. Do you have any regrets as [kin]? What would you have done differently?

🗺. What was your universe/world like as [kin]? Or what would it be like living in the world of [kin]?

💖. Favourite part about being [kin]? Why?

💔. Least favourite part about being [kin]? Why?

🖼. Do you have a favourite picture of your kin? If not is there any of a comfort character?

🎲. Send a question I haven't thought of!

[valleymyristica]

People that make me happy ᵔᵜᵔ

Also, happy 3 month anniversary of What it takes!

There are so many people around And I find myself wanting to share my glee

So I want to give a thank you to all who make me happy And I also want to wish whoever is reading this a lovely day For I'm sure there is always someone who finds glee in your existence

For me, these are the lovely ones that gives me a smile whenever I see them about. Just knowing they are there is enough ᵔᵜᵔ

@waitineedaname

For being a wonderful person One I'm always happy to see doing well We may not talk as much, because I'm so slow But you still make me happy, wherever you go

So I want to wish you the best in this new year! [And thank you for being the beta reader for the HLVRAI fic I've yet to post] [If I ever will, really should though...] [Man, it's so old now]⠀

@cubbiverse

Thank you for being the reason I started What it takes! Without you, it wouldn't exist

Talking to you is always a blast You're always so fun! Your ideas are such a driving force for me

Really bringing me glee whenever I see you You're lovely, you're great I hope the year to come will treat you well! I wish you a happy new year!

Also! Can't forget! Your art is always so nice to see It's always so bubbly, bouncy, pretty and soft! Such lovely fun you bring With every single thing!

Oh, I really do like all the things that you do! You make me so happy too!!!

@shrimpyjackal

Art so pretty, always so kind So very sweet, with a lovely mind

Your colours, they pop! So pretty to the eye Like the setting sun An array of colours in the sky

Like a cold dessert After a desert walk Your art really does have a special spark! Like fireworks that boom, with colours and light! I hope that the year to come, will be lovely and bright!

I wish, it will be lovely and bright! And who knows, maybe wishes do come true?

@astrolotte

Things come Things go

But you are one I'm happy to know!

You're always so positive, so very sweet Just so lovely and unique!

It delights me when you read But I wish you well all the same

For I hope this year brings you joy As we play along with it's game Even as rules change

For change can be good Though, wouldn't want it to leave you on the run

And some things are sweet Though, being trapped is no fun

And have to also tell that your art is like a present on Christmas day Truly something to look forward to in every way!

@arandom-dog [AO3]

My beta reader My wonderful beta reader

AHHHHHHH!!! YOU'RE GREAT!

I'm so happy I have you! You're so helpful and kind! I always like to talk and hear what's on your mind!

AHHHHHH!!!! I still can't stop looking that the comic you made! Along with all the other lovely things you've made Gosh, Bunny is so CUTE! AHHHH!!! It's so pretty! So cool!

I'm so happy you made it And I'm so glad you had fun when you did!

Gosh, What it takes really has taken hold of my life

@unconsciousnonhuman

Thank you for creating the lovely [angst server]! It would be a delight if there was more time to spend

For hearing what's on your mind Is always a highlight before reaching the days end!

So morbid and fun! Oh! You are such a lovely one!

I'm happy you exist! So happy you are here! Really bringing joy by simply being you Do hope I can give you joy too!

Honestly, I think my new years resolution will be to read all of Para. Peri and leave my comment at every chapter.

I will get it done. I hope

@poggieking03

My delightful little fan I'm so happy I have you Really bringing me glee, and questions too!

It's always so fun to see your reactions To hear what you think heh Especially when the characters are on their brink!

I do hope that life is treating you well and that you are feeling swell!

For deserve kindness for all the things you've given me You make me so happy and fill me with glee!

@nightjasmine10

I really do delight in all you send my way Every comment, whatever it may, really does bring a smile to my day!

Honestly, it's so nice that you like talking to me, and it's nice talking to you in turn. You're always so sweet and willing to engage!

You seem so passionate about writing It's so cool! It's always nice to see you around!

Thank you for being as lovely as you are!

@freesso

Pretty, soft and expressive art So very cute So very sweet So very lovely and unique

A lovely person So nice and kind With art that always bring a smile to mind

Hope your days are joyous and sweet For you’re a lovely person One I'm happy I got to meet!

@midnightdemonz

Yay! Our fairy meat fanatic and one with a powerful Peri AU!

You're such a fun one and always a delight to talk too

Really should work more on fairy meat, we got so much to work with, still... what it takes is also important. Though, sparing some time for some meat shouldn't hurt, right?

As for the wonder you are? You're bright and fun, like a lucky star! Always so fun to talk to you

Hope your days are as great as you are! For you are indeed great!

@nova-in-space

Honestly, I may not be a part of it But seeing all the Peri's interacting is so fun!

From what I've read of Ghost Town so far It's very interesting! Desolate, dreary, eery What could have caused such disarray? Oh, is there anyone that would dare to say?

Also, I still remember the drawing you made based on What it takes I will forever cherish such lovely things Every spec of gold is still gold And it really does delight me that you took the mind and time to do it

It really made me happy, and remembering it really does bring a smile

Thank you so much!

You're a fun delightful person And I do delight in the ideas you present in your work

Like miasma filling their lungs Poisoning their bodies Breaking their minds And all which connects

It's interesting It's fun

@vhs-consumer

It's weird, I don't talk to you But you do seem like a person I'd like You seem like a really fun and cool person

hehehe You even know about 'fairy meat' Which is fun ᵔᵜᵔ⠀⠀

So, I do hope that the year to come will be a fun one With lovely food and fun people!

Also, have to compliment your art Because it's really nice It's like ice preserving the beauty of the world It's like a an array of needles you can softly pet It's like a shiver of cold as you sit so warm with a cup of hot chocolate

It's sharp and nice Both cool and warm And really something one likes to look upon

@elsa-fogen

Thank you for also being a lovely morbid delight!

It's fun talking to you from time to time and I do hope that this year will be a lovely one for you!

I do delight in all the AUs you do have And it's so fun to see your version of Icy She's so cool! hehehe Cool and cold Pun for fun

I like a sweet one who sees no wrong in the horrors It's simply how things are How they should be

Why would you want to leave? We're just getting to the fun part!

Also have to tell, I do like your art as well! It's so fun, the way you create, It's as if all fit together as pieces to a puzzle Every little line has a place to be

Everyone seems so full of life It's just connected so nicely And you're really funny too Your jokes are great!

@illustrationismyhaven ( @doodle17 )

You're a fun one, and happy late birthday!

I think you're the reason I decided to play Psychonauts Which is something I am so very happy and thankful for, it and it's sequel are such great games! I'm so happy I got to experience them, thank you!

In addition, I really like your lobotomy family au It's such a cute little idea!

Well, you seem to have many fun ideas So I guess that's kinda a given

Apart from such, you're a delight too see Your art is always so striking and lovely! So fluid, like a stream of water in winter Like green leafs in the summer rain So pretty, colourful and bright

You really do give off a lovely light!

@todaytomorrowgiraff

I doubt you know of my existence, but I do want to tell I appreciate you!

It delights me to see a little HLVRAI on my dash Gives it all a little extra pizzazz!

I remember finding you thanks to your wonderful fic, Becoming Human. It's been a moment since I've read it last, but I do recall delighting in it so. In a way, I guess it's inspiration, it's such a lovely one and you seem like such a wonderful person!

@bunnieswithknives

Gosh do I like the things that you do So of course you make me happy too!

Your art is so modular Like pipes connected so cleanly together Like ball-jointed dolls that you simply move

It's so very cool! And it all creates such a funky grove!

In addition, your ideas, the thoughts in your mind How you play with ideas You're funny and smart

What you make is truly a work of art!

That is to say, I like what you create! Always so fun to see what you'll present next!

Also, sorry for the time that I messed with your head Hope you're doing better, and you're happy instead!⠀

@kisskisstine

Like a story book with tales to be told Your art is so lovely to behold

A blooming star, so pretty and bright Yet so lonely when she shines her light

And he who thought himself bright and strong Is bound to have a stark realization when he finds, he is wrong

Your art is soft and kind Very fitting for you

For you seem like a lovely person too! Wishing you the best in all that you do!

Bright soft skies Sun so high Hope the smiles that you give Are given in turn For you deserve bright joys! Is one thing I've learned

Giving kindness to the kind Giving joy to the joyous Giving, sharing and wishing the best

So many sweet things You deserve them too!

@wreckrinho

You art is like cookies So scrumptious and good!

Like rivers Like streams Like something forgotten in dreams

So cool and fun So very you

And it makes me happy to see When you enjoy what you do!

Hope you're well And life is treating you with kindness

Horror may come to those in the stories one tell But that doesn't mean it should come to you as well

You're a fun delight Sweet little starlight Deserving fun

Enjoy the things you do I enjoy them too

Share what you like That's when you shine the most bright!

@artificial-angels

Your art, so pretty Like clouds on a soft summer day Like flowers that bloom Like sweet cotton candy dreams

Pastel paradise parade So soft and sweet It really is a delightful treat

@nilsford-prattle

Long forgotten In sand we lay But still we always hope that you are doing okay

Bright and fun Sweet and kind Hope you have peace of mind

Hope there is joy in the things that you do And that you always have a reason to be happy too

@purplecatghostposts

Hope there is joy to your days Your interests are ones we enjoy to see

Your writing a lovely delight Your shimmer a happy joy

So many things anew Yet though old they may seem For you bring it to life Like it's been awoken from a dream

Thank you for being you And doing what you do

Thank you all so much for bringing joy to my day! I hope I'm able to bring some joy to yours as well!

And maybe I'm alone in being me But I do think it nice to tell about those that are kind

In a world so cruel I want to prove there can be kindness as well

I find it pretty funny that it took so long to post this In part because I kept remembering so many fun people⠀

Huh... maybe my friend is right? I am pretty much always happy⠀

Maybe you all have something to do with that?

[ally1uvsu]

Heavy heart, Warm hands. / Choi Su-bong (Thanos) x Nam-gyu

⨉⠀⠀─⠀⠀Series .⠀›⠀Trans Namgyu Week 2025⠀‎ꪆৎ day 5; Angst/fluff, period comfort — Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4

·⠀warnings info⠀· NSFW — . wc; 3.4k

summary; Nam-gyu had to be the luckiest person ever, getting his period while playing mingle, getting into a misunderstanding with Thanos, and now having to put up with earth shattering cramps. Could it even get any worse?

info; Emotional Hurt/Comfort, periods, cramps, trans namgyu, namgyu gets his period mid mingle, misunderstandings, namgyu suffers like.. half of the fic, cuddling and snuggling, understanding a misunderstanding, Thanos is a bit mean in the middle, Sober Nam-gyu, Happy Ending, Theyre so gay I hate them: (, Choi Subong I Thanos Lives, no bathroom brawl, no extra game, Soft Namgyu (Squid Game), Soft Choi Subong I Thanos, massages!

notes; Do you guys think I’d be cooked in a room w my namgyu if he knew that I write his stories like this?

It all started in that stupid round of fucking mingle.

Nam-gyu began cramping after the number called out six, not thinking much of it at first. Stepping back into the platform, he felt the drugs wearing off, but before he could even ask Thanos for another one, he nearly doubled over as he felt a sharp pain, and then another pang.

The platform began spinning, nobody seemed to notice. But Nam-gyu was a little bit more quiet now, not even dancing around with Thanos.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu cursed mentally, shit, it couldn't possibly be, right? It was the kind of pain he was familiar with, the same pain he'd curl up and sometimes even cry over because of how much it fucking hurt.

His brain had been reeling due to the drug, and now due to how hyperaware he felt. He feels a hand on his shoulder, Gyeong-su. He can hear him asking something over the sickly cheerful song playing in the room. "Nam-gyu, are you okay?"

Shit, was it obvious? Before answering, he took a look around. Thanos was being himself, Se-mi was reassuring Min-su, and Gyeong-su.. well, he was here. Nam-gyu nodded, taking in a sharp breath as he felt another jab of pain. "Yeah... yeah, I'm okay." He nodded, and then the platform halted into a stop.

'Four'

Nam-gyu watched as Thanos looked between all four of the members, Min-su was standing there with his stupid puppy dog eyes, Se-mi was analyzing the situation, and Gyeong-su was standing by his side with a nervous and awkward smile. Thanos of course immediately looked at him, pointing his finger at him before speaking up in English;

"Gyeong-su, you're out!" He shouted as he placed his foot on Gyeong-su's chest and kicked him back, causing him to land on his ass. Nam-gyu merely spares the other man a glance, he looks shocked, too shocked to stand up and find another group. But then Thanos is already shouting; "LET'S GO, WOOOO!!" And despite the pain, Nam-gyu rushes after him while Se-mi pulls Min-su along.

Once inside the red door, Nam-gyu lets out a shuddering sigh as he looked through the eyepiece, Gyeong-su was still there. His head snaps back to Thanos who was asking about Gyeong-su as if he hadn't just kicked him down to his death, was he really that high off his ass?

He felt Thanos shove him off the door, it was enough to make him quietly wince as he heard the other man shout Gyeong-su's name over the ringing gunshots. "GYEONG-SU!!!!" And Nam-gyu thought for once he might vote fucking X.

He looked at the other two inside the room, Se-mi and Min-su. Se-mi was staring at him a little weirdly, Min-su looked like the same pathetic bitch as always, great.

Thanos turned around eventually, already impatient as the guards began cleaning up. Nam-gyu swore he might have to claw his insides out, he could feel the fucking blood. Why did it have to come now? Was the universe against him?

It took a little, but eventually the doors clicked open. "Anddd we win again!" And Nam-gyu forces out some noise as he walked close to Thanos. Once again, the group was in the platform. It began spinning, shit, Nam-gyu was bound to get fucking dizzy.

The song was cheerful and even loud, enough to make his head throb. He wanted to curl in on himself and maybe die, that looked like the best option here. He was sure Thanos noticed by now, the way he wasn't jumping around or joining his antics. Nobody here knew, and nobody here could fucking know.

That was just how people in Korea were, after all. They were all against these kind of shit like it was their problem, so what if Nam-gyu wanted to be a boy? Maybe they should mind their own damn business.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

And that stupid 'Ring-a ring-a ring' began playing, he needed to get the fuck out of here. He just wondered how many rounds were there left, maybe it was close enough. He had to fucking survive, even if his body wasn't in the best condition.

And then the speaker called out 'three', of course, Thanos looked at him first before he turned to Se-mi and Min-su, of course they'd go first. "Who should we take?" Of course Thanos would go with Nam-gyu, there was that, at least. "Rock, paper, scissors!" Thanos called out loudly and Nam-gyu stood a bit closer to Min-su, one of them had to play. "Come with me." Se-mi said as she stretched her hand towards Min-su, big mistake.

The boy seemed frozen as he looked at Thanos and then at Nam-gyu, right afterwards, he threw in Scissors. The look on Se-mi's face was amusing, Nam-gyu would have laughed if he wasn't in so much fucking pain. "Min-su threw in scissors!" He forced out a surprised tone with a chuckle, and Thanos grabbed Min-su's arm and began running towards a door, Nam-gyu just rushed closely by like always.

Again, they shut the door behind themselves once they were all in. Both of them holding the door shut in case a player decided to come in. Min-su looked lost, more like panicked.. as if after the panic had settled, he realized out what he just did, tsk. What a coward.

The doors clicked shut again, and Nam-gyu didn't think he would be able to hold up that much anymore, he always had bad period pains, but he always knew how to deal with them. Now?? He couldn't. He didn't have the resources, he didn't have somewhere to just lie down and swallow his own pain, not even the drugs would help, likely.

This round went by so slowly— and then, after what felt like an eternity, the doors opened. Thanos stepped out as he said to the people around him "Yo, welcome back, my friends!" 

Maybe it was because he was sober now, but his hands really were shaking. He clutched his belly for a few seconds before he began acting normally, nobody could find out— who knew how they might react?

Once back into the platform, however, Thanos turned to him and clicked open the locket, holding a single pill towards him. "You sober?" And Nam-gyu nodded, taking the pill anyways even if he knew it wouldn't help the pain and popped it in his mouth.

Again, the platform began spinning.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

It doesn't make the pain any better, however, Nam-gyu dumbly hoped that it would. Either way, he played along with Thanos' antics just to hope he could forget the pain, even if every movement made him wince.

'Six' the robotic voice called out, Nam-gyu swore he would hear that shit in his dreams.

This time, they joined teams with Se-mi and two people she found for the previous round. The awkward atmosphere was only making it worse, Thanos was complaining as he tapped his feet, and Min-su was looking at Se-mi with longing or whatever the fuck was it.

The other people looked frightened, and seriously, Nam-gyu couldn't care less. He gritted his teeth as another wave of pain hit him, he felt fucking disgusting. The blood pooling in his underwear felt disgusting, the fact he was sweating and full of grime disgusted him, the blood on his shoes, everything.

The doors opened once again, and everyone stepped out. He hoped this was the last round, he seriously wanted to scream because of this stupid pain that refused to go away.

He was already getting nauseous from so much spinning, he couldn't take this cheery song anymore. He just wanted to get out and get some fucking sleep, maybe then his pain would fucking go away.

"Do you not want to stick around me anymore?" He heard Thanos call out, and Nam-gyu furrowed his brows, clearly confused as he looked at Thanos. "What?"

"I mean— shit, I just gave you two damn pills and you're still not cheering up! Are they not enough for you anymore?" Thanos looked.. upset, maybe a tad nervous. But before Nam-gyu could even answer, the platform halted once again.

'Two'

Maybe he'd pick Min-su this time, just out of spite. He and Thanos looked at Min-su, and then back at each other. And it turns out he was wrong, because as quickly as they looked at the man and at each other, Thanos grabbed his wrist and rushed towards a door other players were trying to get into.

Everything burnt and hurt as he ran, his brain felt like it was about to explode, his cramps were making him want to just double over on the floor and curl in on himself until it all stopped— but we all know that meant death.

He attempted to stop for a single second, leaning his hands on his thighs as he bit his lip hard enough to feel the metalic taste of blood coating his mouth, and then he ran his tongue over that wound. "What the hell do you think you are doing?!" He heard Thanos bark, right.. they're still playing mingle.

Despite the crippling pain and discomfort, Nam-gyu grabbed the woman by the hair and pulled her to the ground, Thanos had already been holding the door open for him, so Nam-gyu merely stumbled in. As the timer ran down, Nam-gyu held a hand on his chest while Thanos held the door shut, hearing the other two players bang at the door.

Once it was secured and locked, Nam-gyu didn't have time to speak. Thanos was already on him and demanding an answer. "Were you trying to fucking get yourself killed out there?!" Talk about dramatic, but Thanos looked kind of.. afraid, in a way. "And you still have to answer my damn question, am I not enough for you anymore, Nam-gyu?" 

Nam-gyu blinked in surprise, oh. So Thanos does know his name. Maybe he had been pretending not to all along.

Nam-gyu didn't answer for a second, nearly clutching his stomach as he felt a fresh wave of pain hit him, and now it was getting constant, not here and there. Nam-gyu thought he might as well fucking die.

Thanos looked like he was getting more frustrated by the damn second, gritting his teeth together as he ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it, Nam-gyu, answer me!"

And Nam-gyu snapped back to it, how would he possibly explain he was on his period and was feeling like a million knives were being stuffed on his womb?

He wished he could speak, damn it, why was it so fucking hard to just say he's trans? Maybe it was the fear of being rejected and tossed out and seen as different—

"If I'm not enough for you, then I might as well leave." Why did those words affect him so much? They shouldn't, right? He grasped Thanos' necklace, hearing the other man snort before feeling it grow lighter in his hands, seeing the chain that held it up around Thanos' neck fall between his fingers.

"Keep that." Thanos said at the exact same time the doors opened, shit. Nam-gyu stared at the locket, calling out after the older man. He never had been trying to grasp at the locket, he was trying to find something— anything that would help him hold onto Thanos.

Why? He didn't know. But he did know that now shit felt ten times worse.

He didn't have the courage to keep the cross around his neck, shit, he didn't even dare to take a single pill out of that fucking cross. He just mingled himself with the crowd of players as they were led back to the lobby room. If Nam-gyu thought the pain from before was bad, this was ten times worse.

The first thing he did the second they were back was go to the bathroom, shit, he felt fucking disgusting.

Moreover, without Thanos he felt empty. Popping pills didn't feel as fun, nothing felt as fun. Maybe because all along his euphoria was Thanos.

He was quick to get into a stall, pushing his tracksuit pants and underwear down to see the blood- disgusting. He grimaced as he rolled a shit ton of toilet paper and stuffing them into his underwear, these would have to do, right? He could just change them from time to time as disgusting as it was.

He avoided Thanos' gaze upon walking towards his bunk, funny thing is that he knew Thanos was staring at him. He could feel the other's burning gaze glaring into his skull strongly enough to burn a hole.

Some relief came towards him when he finally managed to lie down— sure, the bunks were hard as fuck and uncomfortable, but he could try to get some sleep through the pain that seared through him.

He laid the cross under his pillow, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging himself under the blanket as he tried to get something that resembled comfort, he couldn't get why everything decided to go so wrong today.

He felt his eyes water, why did this have to hurt so fucking much? Real men aren't supposed to cry, are they? Especially over something so little such as period cramps. But damn it, the pain was flooding his system and consuming him whole.

He didn't know how long it took him to sleep, he just knew that after somehow managing to keep himself quiet, the pain lulled him into sleep. He would have wished it lasted forever, but nothing did.

He was jolted awake by the sound of a loud beeping noise, sitting up as he looked around. Shit, how long had it been since he fell asleep?

As if on cue, he heard his number being called. Observing the X's, he could see Min-su and Se-mi over there, tsk, pussies.

He walked forward looking disheveled, slamming the O button and dragging himself towards the O side, especially away from Thanos. Mealtime probably already passed, but it was fine, it wasn't like he could eat anyway.

Voting felt like a blur, and they ended in that stupid tie. Whatever, at this point, nothing really mattered to Nam-gyu anymore. He just did the same thing as before; dragged himself to the stairs and climbed them as he tried not to wince in front of everyone and knock the fuck out.

He tried to sleep again; but it wasn't like he had any luck, anyways. Nothing really happened, except for some fight that broke out in the bathroom. Even then, Nam-gyu found himself looking around for Thanos, only to find him walking inside the room all bloodied but looking unharmed— it wasn't his blood, anyways.

'Player 333, eliminated.' 

It finally made sense why he was basically drenched in blood. But it didn't matter— at least they just had more money piled up in that piggy bank.

Nam-gyu's cramps came and went, they were better after taking a nap but right before lights out— they were fucking back again. And Nam-gyu was back to zero. He was fidgeting with his cross, tossing and turning as he tried to stop the stupid pain, but it just didn't. And the cross wasn't doing him any better, it only reminded him of Thanos.

Fed up of it already, he looked at Thanos who was seemingly asleep beneath his bunk, and dropped the cross necklace right on his head, at least it was light. It didn't do much to relieving how he felt but he did somehow, feel a lot lighter.

Screwing his eyes shut again, he bit his lip as another wave of fresh pain hit him. He just wanted this shit to stop— why in the middle of this stupid game? Why now? He turned again a couple of times, trying to find a position comfortable enough for him to fall asleep in and one that would cease his cramps, but a voice coming very close to him.. no, scratch that. A very familiar voice close to him caught his attention.

"Do you ever stop tossing and turning? I can't sleep like that." With the dim lighting of the X and O that gleamed on the floor, Nam-gyu managed to see Thanos standing on the feet of his mattress, nearly enough to give him a heart attack. "Shit, you scared me." Nam-gyu rasped out.

"Oh, so now you talk to me?" Thanos scoffed, shaking his head. "Unbelievable." He said as he tossed the cross back towards Nam-gyu. "Whatever, keep making noise and I'll knock you out to sleep."

Nam-gyu knew Thanos would leave again, maybe this was the last time they'd see each other, maybe— before he could even think twice, he was calling after him. "Wait." He managed to grip Thanos' arm, looking at him through the shitty lighting.

"What do you want, Nam-gyu." It was more of a statement than a question, and Nam-gyu swore that he could hear the slightest bit of longing in his voice, it was as if none of them could stay apart for too long.

"I didn't mean to make it seem that way— I.. I was in pain.. back at mingle, I mean. And popping pills weren't doing the best job to help, running hurt and even moving made me feel like I was going to fall and die on the flo—" he was cut off mid speech by Thanos beginning to check his body over for anything, all while asking him what the hell was wrong. "Shit, you are hurt? Why didn't you say anything?! What hurts? Is the wound too deep? Shit, Nam-su, talk to me!"

Back to the Nam-su thing.. Nam-gyu guessed. He would have laughed if he wasn't in pain right now, frustrated, and if anything emotional because of those damn hormones. "Thanos, I'm on my damn period." Nam-gyu said that as he felt his throat lock, everything felt too overwhelming. Maybe it was because be was scared to come out, maybe because he was in pain, or maybe because he just wanted  a damn rest, but he really felt like crying.

"Oh." Thanos let out after seconds that felt suffocating and like an eternity, Nam-gyu felt like the air was fucking suffocating him alive. "Is there anything I can do to help?" 

And as quickly as it had arrived, the pressure lifted. Thanos wasn't mad? Wasn't calling him a million slurs or just.. being an asshole overall? Nam-gyu felt shocked, because the same Nam-gyu from 10 years ago would be in an argument with his parents over his gender and sexuality. That Nam-gyu would have just been kicked out of his house, so.. how could someone that wasn't his family be more accepting than the people he grew to know for half of his life?

It took him a while to process it, Thanos was offering him help, some sort of solace, he wasn't being pushed away. "I can just leave if you want me to—" Nam-gyu quickly interfered, no way. "No!- I mean, no. Just.. lay down with me." 

This felt nice, Nam-gyu assumed. Thanos was under the thin ass blanket with him, pressed with his chest against his back just so none of them would fall out of these beds. Nam-gyu brought his knees to his chest once again, or at least attempted to. 

He felt warm hands sneak around his waist, slide inside his shirt and press into his belly in a comforting way, shit, Thanos knew his way with his hands. He was definitely getting comfortable, pressing his face against the back of Nam-gyu's neck and massaging exactly where it hurt for him.. Nam-gyu would admit it, this was definitely helping.

"Go back to sleep, you need your energy for tomorrow's voting since we ended in a tie. And even then, we need energy in case we do play another game." And that's exactly what Nam-gyu did, it didn't take long for him to fall asleep. The pain slowly felt like it was ceasing, fate had a weird way of bringing two people back together, huh?

[starlost-maniac]

I Slept with My Boss - Ch 9

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS, DNI

Warnings/genre: SMUT, piv, pia, protected sex, one night stand, mxf, mxm, multiple orgasms, multiple partners, club/drinks, voyeurism, pet names, daddy kink, double pen, oral, color system, squirting, ex introduced (he's an ass)

Pairing: ot8 SKZ x fem!reader

dividers made by @cafekitsune

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

You wake the following morning wrapped in Han's arms. Your memories of last night coming back to you. You're a little embarrassed that he's seen you cry twice now, but he made you feel so loved. Something you haven't felt from a man in years.

As you try to get up, Han pulls you close to him again and grumbles. "A few more minutes, jagi. I'm not ready.." You laugh softly.

"I have to get up and get ready for work, though, Hannie." You gently pat his hair. He grumbles again and buries his face in your breasts. You hear a muffled 'not yet', making you laugh again. After a moment, he starts kissing between your breasts, slowly turning his head to kiss along the inner side of your breast. Shifting some, his kisses travel up to your nipple, gently kissing and licking the hardening nub.

"Hannie.." You whisper out.

"Hmm?" He wraps his lips around your nipple, pressing his hard length against you. He grabs your other breast and gently massages it, occasionally pinching your nipple between his fingers. You grab his hair and gently pull, making him moan out.

"Damn it.." You mumble. "Fuck me..please.." You moan out when he sucks on and pinches your nipples. He smiles and chuckles. He lets go of your nipple with a pop and moves so he can kiss you. You wrap your arms and legs around him, feeling as he reaches between you both to grab his cock. Positioning his tip at your entrance, he pushes inside you and immediately starts thrusting into you. You arch your back and moan his name.

"Just..just like that, baby." He moans. He reaches under you, adjusting you both so he can go deeper. He fucks you fast and hard as he leans back down to kiss and bite your neck. One hand ends up in his hair, the other still on his back. You arch your back, feeling him deep inside you. He adjusts slightly so he's fucking you at an angle, pressing against your spongey spot. "Can you cum for me, jagi?" He whispers against the large hickey he just left on your neck.

You nod your head, moaning loud. He keeps fucking into that one spot, making you cum hard and fast, clenching around his cock. He groans loudly, fucking as fast as he can, fucking you through your high until he cums deep inside you. You both breathe hard. He sits up a bit, smiling down at you, you could see he was covered in sweat. You smile back at him, sure that you're just as sweaty.

"Let's get you in the shower, jagi." He leans down and pecks your lips a few times.

——

You got to work with Han later than you would've liked. Him fucking you again in the shower and having to stop for coffee and breakfast like Minho asked, made you come in later. Han rode the elevator up with you, holding the cup carrier that held all the drinks, you holding the bags of food. Exiting the elevator on the floor with Chan's and Minho's offices, you walk down the hall and open the door. Chan was sitting in his chair, Minho perched on Chan's desk. When you open the door, they both look over, Minho's lips quirk into a mischievous smirk.

"Hi, kitten. Hi jagiya." Minho waves his fingers at you. You bow to both your bosses before going over with Han to give them their food and drinks. "Thank you kitten. You're a lot later than I was expecting you to be, but that's ok. I already told Chan-hyung you were going to be late." He takes his drink and food, thanking you both.

"I know, I do apologize, sir." You bow to both of them again.

"No need to apologize, princess. Minho told me that you had Hannie here last night." Chan teases. "I can see that you both had a little fun, too." He points to his neck, indicating the new hickeys that Han had left. Your cheeks burn a bit. Both the older men chuckle. Minho stands up, holding his drink and bag of food in one hand. He steps over to you and gently grabs your chin, making you look at him.

"Thank you again, kitten." He softly kisses you. Pulling back, he smiles and takes Han into his office. You watch as they leave and go to sit at your desk.

"I don't get a kiss, princess?" Chan raises an eyebrow. Your cheeks burn again as you walk over to Chan. He gently grabs your waist and pulls you into his lap. Smiling at you, he tilts his head to the side a little and presses his lips to yours. He kisses you slow but deep, savoring your taste. He pulls away after a few minutes, smiling as he looks into your eyes. "Thank you for getting breakfast, princess." You nod, cheeks still red as you get up to go sit at your desk.

——

Lunch rolls around and Chan has a lunch meeting that he let you avoid, so you stayed in his office and ate at your desk. You had seen Han leave about an hour before lunch. He said his goodbyes to you but said he would be back after lunch.

"Kitten?" You hear Minho call from his office.

"I'm still here, sir." You call back.

"Come eat lunch with me, sweetheart." You stand up, packing your lunch back into your lunch bag and walk towards Minho's office. He smiles at you from his desk, and waves you over, having you sit next to him at his desk. "How was your night with Han?" He asks in a teasing voice.

"It was fun. We watched movies and did our skincare. I did his nails for him." You say.

"I saw that. You did a good job." He smiles and takes a bite of his food. "Did you do anything else?" He grins.

"We..uh..we talked." Your cheeks flush.

"Han gave me the run down while he was here, kitten." Minho speaks softly, his hand reaching over to lay on your thigh. "I know what happened. You don't have to talk about that part." He gently squeezes your leg. You nod and thank him.

"He did take me to my room though. He was going to sleep on the couch and I told him no." You smile, remembering how cute he was last night. Minho smirks, imagining what happened from what Han told him.

You and Minho continue to talk as you eat. You go back to your desk as lunch was coming to an end, just as Chan walked back in.

"Hi, beautiful." He smiles at you as he walks over. He pecks your lips before going to sit at his own desk. The rest of the work day flying by. Chan had asked if you wanted to go out tonight with him, Minho and Han, but you had to decline as your best friend wanted to see you tonight. He nods and wishes you a good night, kissing your forehead.

——

When you get home, you change into comfy clothes so you can make dinner before you have to get ready to leave to meet Yoonae. You tie your hair up in a half pony, styling some of your hair to frame your face. You apply some eye shadow and lipstick. Checking yourself over in your mirror, you nod and grab your purse and phone. Locking your door behind you, you head to the bar to meet Yoonae.

You meet her outside the bar, the bouncer letting you both in.

"Seungmin and Jeongin put you on a permanent VIP list, Y/n." He tells you as you and Yoonae walk in. You thank him and she teases you. You roll your eyes, smiling as you go up to the bar to order drinks. You see Seungmin and I.N singing karaoke. They have such angelic voices, but they are the complete opposite in bed. It honestly amazes you.

You and Yoonae drink and catch up since you haven't seen each other much since you started your new job. She tells you she got a new boyfriend and that he will be there later. You're excited for her, as she's had a string of bad luck with guys lately.

You talk for a little bit longer before she sees her boyfriend come in. She waves him over and introduces you.

"Y/n, this is my boyfriend, Jinhae. Jinhae, this is my best friend, Y/n." You both smile at each other and shake hands. You all talk for a while. Jinhae and you got along really well. He seemed like a good fit for Yoonae, which made you happy. He orders another round of drinks for all three of you as you talk for a while.

"Y/n?" You hear behind you. You freeze, recognizing the voice. Yoonae's smile dropped too. "Is that really you, Y/n?" You reluctantly turn around to face the person you thought you'd never hear from again.

"Hi..Joongi.." You look at your ex.

"It's been a while since I've seen you. How have you been?" He asks, acting like he didn't break your heart and ruin your self-esteem.

"I've been fine." You answer curtly.

"Mind if we get a drink together?" He gets closer to you. "I've missed you." He reaches out, running his knuckles over your cheek. You move your head away.

"I'm good." You start to turn back towards Yoonae and Jinhae. Before you could turn very far, your ex grabs your arm and your chin, forcing you to turn back to him.

"I'm sorry. I must have misheard you." He snears. "Did you mean to say you've missed me too, and you'd love to get a drink?"

"You've got a girlfriend, Joongi. Leave me alone." You try to pull away from him, but his grip was too strong. He leans in a bit.

"She doesn't need to know." He chuckles.

"No, leave me alone." You repeat. Just as he opens his mouth. He's yanked off of you by the back of his shirt. You look at who pulled him off you and see Seungmin with I.N not that far away.

"She said to leave her alone." Seungmin says.

"And what the fuck do you care? What, are you fucking her?" He waves his hands furiously.

"So what if I am? I've probably got a bigger dick than you do." Seungmin smirks.

"I've seen it. I would know it's big." I.N said, stepping next to Seungmin.

"If you're fucking him, what's it matter if I'm talking to my girlfriend?" Joongi shouts. You want to puke at his statement.

"I'm not your girlfriend. Haven't been for nearly a year." You say, voice a little shaky.

"And to answer your question, yes. I am fucking her. He is too." He points to I.N, who just has a shit eating grin on his face.

"I honestly doubt it. Two guys like you, wanting to fuck someone as boring and plain looking as her," Joongi waves his hand in your direction. "I doubt it." He crosses his arms. Seungmin and I.N shrug and walk over to you.

"You ok if we do this, pup?" Seungmin whispers to you in a soft voice. You nod, knowing they'll take care of you. I.N wraps his arms around your waist, standing behind you, taking Yoonae's seat as her and Jinhae moved. I.N starts to kiss your bare shoulder as Seungmin wraps his hand around your throat, gently squeezing.

You close your eyes and moan softly. He quickly smashes his lips into yours, your arms instinctively wrap around his neck before he pulls away just as quick, I.N spinning you around to repeat Seungmin's action. Seungmin turns back around to look at Joongi, who had the most pissed off look he's ever had.

"You." He points to your ex. "You are banned for life from this establishment. I will be sure you are banned from as many places as I can get you banned from. And I will be sure my boyfriends get you banned from as many places as they can." Seungmin steps up to stand face to face with your ex.

"You can't do that!" He shouts, getting ready to fight. I.N continued to make out with you behind Seungmin, keeping you distracted.

"I can, and I will. And if I ever see you touch her again. If you ever talk to her again, and I hear about it," Seungmin shoves his finger into your ex's chest. "You will regret it. Now, get the FUCK out of my bar." He waves a bouncer over and the bouncer grabs your ex and forces him out of the establishment. The onlookers clapped loudly before going back to enjoying themselves. Yoonae and her boyfriend walk back up to you the same time Seungmin does. Your best friend profusely thanking Seungmin.

"It's not an issue. No one will hurt her again. Not on my watch." He mumbles the last part to himself. I.N finally pulls back from you, a hungry look in his eye. You smile up at him, lipstick somehow not messed up. You look between him and Seungmin, smile still on your lips.

"Thank you both, so so much." You gently pat at your eyes with the back of your fingers as you feel tears start to form on your lash line.

"You don't need to thank us, darling. You're ours, and we won't let some asshole like that try to take what's ours." I.N smiles at you. You've heard just about all of them call you 'mine' or 'ours', but it doesn't click right now as you're still a bit upset with your ex showing up.

"Still. Thank you. But I think I'm ready to call it a night. Joongi kind of ruined the mood for me." You sigh. Yoonae nods in understanding, telling you to check in with her when you get home, giving you a tight hug.

"How about I.N and I come over. Make sure he doesn't follow you home. It'll make me feel better, and I'm sure I.N will feel better too." Seungmin suggests, I.N nodding in agreement. You nod, saying that it sounds like a good idea. You stand up from the bar seat, saying goodbye to Yoonae and Jinhae before heading out of the bar with Seungmin and I.N following behind you.

Like they expected, your ex was hanging out around the outside of the bar, hoping to ambush you. Seungmin glares at him and walks you to your car as I.N gets in his.

"I'll ride with you, I.N can follow." Seungmin says quietly, you nod and get in the driver seat as Seungmin gets in the passenger side. You drive to your house, seeing I.N's car in your rear view mirror. You park, I.N parking beside you, and get out, the boys following you inside your place. You lock your door behind I.N as they look around. You quickly text Yoonae, saying you made it home and that the two men are with you. She responds fast, thanking you for checking in, and to stay safe with a heart. You smile and look up at the men. They were still looking around your place.

"Make yourselves comfortable, I'm going to go change and take off my makeup." You walk off towards your room, both men watching you walk.

"Go help her hyung, I'm going to look for snacks, set up here in the living room." I.N says, waving his hand to shoo his hyung away. Seungmin goes down the hall to your room, softly knocking on the door. You call out for them to come in. Seungmin opens the door and steps in, shutting the door behind him.

He smiles at you. "Innie told me to come help you while he looks for snacks. Gonna settle in the living room and hang for a bit." He steps over to you. "Do you need help with your dress?"

You nod and turn around. "Yes, please." Seungmin steps behind you, leaning down, he softly kisses your neck as he grabs the zipper of your dress and slowly pulls it down, lips traveling from one side of your neck to the other. You close your eyes and shiver a little. When your dress is unzipped, he slides the straps off your shoulders and slowly pushes the dress off your body. He wraps his arms around your waist and steps up against you, pressing himself against your lower back.

"The things you do to me, pup." He whispers against your skin.

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