#like i do see people be like 'beast what the fuck' but its usually followed by 'theyve been doing him so dirty i miss my boy'

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Being a Comic!Charles fan is like being a Reed Richards fan. People are always bound to hate em

you can say this about any character if im so tbh but i do know reed richards fans can get in the trenches as well sometimes

[misctf]

Hey, I'm a twin and decided to go the brains route while my brother went the brawn. We are not close anymore. Now that we are almost leaving our 20s next year I'd like to know what it have been like had I joined him in the gym.

It was a rare occurrence when you and your twin brother get together. But your birthday party was certainly the right occasion. Surrounded by family, you were trying to enjoy the moment. But no one wanted to hear about your academic works. They all seemed more interested in your twin’s fitness career and take on the latest football game. You tried to nod along and offer your input, but sports weren’t exactly your forte. Nor was fitness. Truthfully, the fact that you’re twins often surprises people. Usually, twins often follow similar paths and have somewhat similar interests. However, it was clear to anyone what you prioritized. His lean muscles, perfectly sculpted, stood in sharp contrast to your slim frame. Initially, you told yourself that this was good. Despite being twins, you were clearly individuals. As time went on though, and your relationship cooled, you wished that maybe you could rekindle.

When you blew out those candles, your wish was simple. You wanted to be closer. To see what life could’ve been like if you joined your twin in the gym all those years ago. You stared at the now unlit candles, a cold chill passing through you.

“Happy birthday, bro.” Your twin raises his fist.

You smile as you bump fists. But when you try to separate, you can’t. You look at one another, speechless. And he pulls desperately, trying to separate from you. But it feels like he’s pulling at your skin and the pain causes you both to wince. You quickly look around, hoping for some assistance from the others in the room. But they’re all frozen. As if time itself has come to a stop.

“Fuck! What’s happening?” He shouts.

Before you can reply, the feeling in your arm causes you to cry out. You both watch in terror and fascination as your arms start to merge. The feeling incredibly uncomfortable as flesh melds together. You try to push him away, but when your hand presses against his firm pecs, it quickly becomes stuck. And you watch in terror as it sinks into his flesh. His attempts to push you away yield similar results. And soon enough, you’re a horrific amalgamation of fusing flesh. Your bodies continue to melt into one another. Sickening cracks fill the room as more of you merge together. Your body heat increasingly significantly. And you watch as your merging arms take on a form even more muscular than your brother’s. You both look down as your pecs fuse to become two slabs of muscular meat. And as your heads begin to merge, you both cry out. You can feel your minds merging. The panicked thoughts of your brother entering your psyche. And then everything goes black.

When you eventually awaken, you realize you aren’t controlling your movements. Yet you can feel everything. The movements of your heavier, larger frame. Its unfamiliar to you. You want to call out. To ask for help. But all you can do is watch. And when your massive hand rubs your meaty pec, you shiver at the intense pleasure that courses through your new form.

“Bro?” You can hear your brother’s voice, “What’s happening? My body isn’t doing what I want it to.”

And it dawns on you. You share this space with your twin. The two of you trapped in this new form.

“I don’t know.” You reply.

The two of you gasp as the figure sits in front of the mirror. Now able to fully take in what you’ve become. A massive, muscular beast of a man.

“Fuck I look good.” He says in a deep baritone.

And you realize now. Out of the two of you, a third was born. His mind made up of several traits. Your brother’s love for fitness. Your obsessive, academic nature. Together, this new man is an absolute fitness beast. Obsessed with his muscles and growing as big as he can. And you’d get to watch. To experience it with your twin. The two of you just passengers in this man’s journey to become the biggest meathead on the planet. At least you’ll get to be closer with your twin. And trust me, you’ll be spending plenty of time with him in the gym.

[pansexual-opera-house]

Kinda upset at Transformers: Rise of the Beasts... Spoilers Ahead, be warned. (Edited bc I'm dumb and forgot the mid-credits scene.)

Firstly, we got very little "beast" action compared to the Autobots. They were there and cool as hell, but we didn't see much of them in their other forms, or fighting, they just helped the plot along. It sucks because they had so much potential, yet we got "they're animals but ooh here look at Optimus, he's got explosions!"

Secondly, I spotted WAY too many Transformers: Prime "references". The giant spire that summoned unicron looked nearly IDENTICAL to Darkmount, the spire that Megatron erected in TFP. It was way too much to be "inspired by" to me. Also, Bee dying trying to save Prime and being brought back by some mystic energy which nobody knew was possible is another thing. (I'm less picky about that on its own but added onto the other things, it was too obvious to not call out.) There were a few more I can't remember, but I knew about halfway through the movie how it was gonna end not because it follows a timeline or was from Micheal Bay, but because it was a mix of both Transformers Prime movies.

The main human character, Noah, wears a fucking CORPSE, which just made me unsettled. Mirage dies giving Noah a suit made from himself. I thought maybe Noah would find a way to bring back Mirage or Mirage's spark would still be alive considering the suit HAS POWER. It still fires the guns and has a jetpack! It was even able to come off easy! I understand Mirage wasn't in the next chronological movie in the timeline, but that felt really cheap and just disgusting to watch. He literally was walking inside a corpse, and when I saw him pat the suit at the end, both I and the people I went to looked at each other in what I can only call shock.

Edit: I was wrong, Mirage wasn't dead, he was alive and I forgot about it. I'm gonna keep that part in because

1. It isn't revealed Mirage isn't dead until the mid credits scene so for a hot minute i was still really weirded out. And 2.I'm bitch enough to admit I was factually incorrect.

He was still wearing a fuckin' coma patient! (Though that's a little better than a corpse.)

The first time Optimus Prime fights Scourge, he gets his ass handed to him. I mean, he gets his ass beat so bad he can't even get up to save Bee. Then in the last fight sequence, he beats Scourge nearly flawlessly. I understand that he was injured because of Noah and Mirage and they both did some damage before Prime got there, but if I told a master of Tai Chi to only use one leg to stand on and let me punch him a few times but to still fuck me up, after I'd hit him, I'd STILL be on the ground in four seconds flat. And Scourge was still able to use his foot (although limited), so there's no excuse other than "plot convenience" and less-than-okay writing. It was messy and felt weak.

And the last twist, the G.I. Joe inclusion... I understand that maybe it was an answer to the question "Where do all the people go after the Autobots don't need them or they move on?" It's not my thing, but it's a nicer explanation than "They go on with life." But if they try to bring G.I.Joe and Transformers together, good luck. I'm into crossovers but that's a lot, and I don't know how much I'd be up to watch that. Maybe I'm in the minority (because the person I went with immediately looked at me with a gaping jaw excited as all hell) but that's gonna be hard to pull off. And given the past few movies, I'm not sure how well that's going to work out.

That being said, I liked a few things.

They make Wheeljack a Hispanic Nerd, which was a nice change compared to the "Rooty Tooty Aim and Shooty Badmouths" that we get a lot of in Tranformers. He was witty and a nerd and a damn "hippie van" and was just overall really cute.

Acree was a strong, independent femme bot who don't need no man. Not trying to point out "feminism shit" to make people mad, just trying to say usually Arcee is pictured with Optimus or some other mech, and she held not only her own, but Wheeljack's as well without seeming aggressive or spiteful about it. She just seemed like a bot who was bright pink, which I enjoyed.

In all, I give the movie a solid "Don't ever do that shit again" 5.5/10. Writing this I've changed my rating from 5 to 6 about four times so that's why it's got a .5.

[vtm-hunting-simulator]

grim reaper (intelligence 4, medicine 3) / hecata (with a little extra Protean) / prey exclusion: healthy mortals / hesitant to bite, will usually either draw blood with needles or a knife instead

Another night, another shift at the ospice facility.

Its not hunger per se that drives you to hunt tonight, tho the beast loves to tease you and make its needs known. No, you know not too mess with hunger, especially around patients with such a sensitive skin, but your rations have been running low. You need to bag more blood and who knows it, maybe you’ll allow yourself a fresh drink.

You walk around the almost empty halls, occasionally greeting one or two other members of the night staff. The only sounds accompanying you are your own footsteps echoing through the hallways and the beeping noise of the occasional heart monitor. Around you the flickering neon light creates games or shadows at the corner of your eyes. Or are those spirits? You wouldn’t be surprised either way. People here, at least the ones you work with, are usually close to their end, so seeing spirits here isn’t out of the norm.

You consider yourself lucky to have such a place to hunt: the night staff is sparse, clearly understaffed, like many other ospices, and the few that work the “graveyard shift”, as they ironically like to call it, are usually too sleep deprived and busy to pay any mind to what you’re actually doing.

You start by actually checking on the patients, their vitals, giving them their medicines, the shades following you room to room. Until you find her.

Laying on her bed, heavy breathing and a machine attached to her, keeping her in check. “She’s barely hanging on” you think to yourself and you’re not wrong. You walk closer to her, not even bothering to turn on the lights as your eyes gain a reflective patina, like that of a cat. The smell of sickness coming from her would make anyone else nauseous, but you have become used to it, and started to like it even. “Shes percect” you think, gathering your drawing instruments.

It has become a second nature to you. Put on your gloves. Tie the tourniquet on her upper arm. Open the needle case. Insert the needle in the pulsing vein. Attach the bad to draw the blood and… you should drink her. Really you should. Can’t you smell the savoury smell of her blood? Ho long has it been since you’ve eaten something fresh?

You shake you head, a failed attempt at keeping the thoughts at bay. You can’t be drinking from her. She’s too weak and they will find the incision if you cut her. The hematoma from the needle can be easily covered, as she is hooked up to machines and liquids already, but a cut? Sure you can lick it close, but its a risk with the sensitivity of old skin.

As you keep battling your thoughts you dont even realise you have already extracted your incision blade. “Ah fuck it. I need something fresh.” You detach the barely filled bag and extract the needle from her arm and slowly make an incision in its place.

You can barely contain yourself as you latch on to the bleeding wound. Her blood is savoury and lacks of the precious flavours of younger blood, but it flows down your throat like water. “Anticoagulants?” Your mouth feels warm and a shiver of pleasure runs down your back. You weren’t hungry when you walked in to the room, but now that the blood was flowing in to you, you feel as if you could never have enough. Yet you have to. Her vitals start to deteriorate the more you drink and you can hear her grunt and the machine beep.

You lick her wound close, turn the lights on, making sure you’re the only one attending this room. “I guess i will bag some blood tomorrow. Tonight i did more then i should’ve.”

You dont leave the woman’s side until you’ve made sure to somewhat stabilise her, the bliss of the blood still slightly altering your mind.

You might not have refilled your rations, but the beast is pleased, for now, and acting more tonight might attract more attention, so you settle your score and go back to your pretend job, keeping your herd just enough healthy to still be fresh, but very near the precipice.

[mickmundy]

SORRY IDK WHERE ELSE TO POST THIS. slapdash combobulation of some bushmed vampire au thoughts i’ve been knocking around in my head for the past few months. whee! i’d like to eventually turn this into a polished fic once i’m done with my main medsnip fic. i don’t want to spread myself too thin but once i get an idea its hard for my brain not to just go nyoom

Sniper is a local hunter who gets brought into this German town in the mountains to deal with population control of these “feral wolves” that have been literally plaguing a lot of land for a long time. They’re harder to kill than regular wolves and Sniper’s a talented beast-hunter so the people of the surrounding area call on him for his expertise and help with finding out wtf is up with all of these Damn Wolves!

So sniper stakes out and observes the wolves and notices that they love eating meat. Almost for Fun. And it doesn’t stop there… they’ll go so far as to lick blood off of the ground, almost draining their kills dry. Not natural for just a normal wolf… and he ends up having to engage with a few of them and shoots them dead with perfect skill (of course). He observes them for about a week before he decides to make a move.

Sniper follows them to see where their den is and they make quite a trek to this huge castle and go in through some concealed undercroft. So clearly they have a master.. but what good would it do to just have a bunch of wolves killing a bunch of people for literally no reason.. nobody in the area is particularly rich and anyone living in a castle like this wouldn’t need anything from common folk anyway. So he decides to approach the castle… and he’s not a people person really so he knocks the elaborate knocker and takes his hat off (polite.. hehe) and clears his throat and isn’t really expecting an answer but the door opens by itself… and sniper hears a booming voice from up above somewhere that’s like “Come in, Herr Hunter! I'll be with you in a moment!”

Sniper’s like ??? but brushes it off… looks up at the impressive balcony and is like 'How the fuck did he know who I was or what I did… “Hello, sorry’a bother you but is there any chance you’ve been commanding those hellhounds that’ve been bleeding the local areas like stuck pigs? S’bad for the environment, mate. So if y’don’t wrangle in your spoiled dogs, I’ll have tooo- uhh…” And at the top of the balcony… Sniper can see the swish of coattails… and then…. appears Medic… vampire Medic…!

He leans over the balcony and grins down at Sniper and is like (hello fraulines! voice ->) “Hello, Herr Hunter!” and does a giddy giggle as he leans over the balcony and is kind of sizing Sniper up… of course plenty of other people have come here to try and stop him, but never because they’d made the connection with his wolves… Ohhh.. this hunter is special! “How can I be of service to you?”

Medic is prepared to kill him like he's killed all the other hunters before him but he's kiiiinda hoping he doesn't have to kill him because he's... cute... in a scruffy bloodbag kind of way...,. and Sniper’s just totally taken aback by how friendly this vampire is so he’s like "Well-..." Clears his throat.. "I've noticed you’ve been a bit of a disturbance.... y'know.,., what with the.... your mutts feasting on the folks around here," and Sniper usually comes in super gruff etc. but Medic is just.. wow..... not like other vampires he's killed....

Vampire Medic hums and is like "Oh, ja, that... I'm afraid it can't be helped! I'm a very... very.... hungry man, after all.." Sniper swallows because well yeah, that much is obvious! And Medic smirks because he can hear sniper's heartbeat like thumpa thumpa! awooooga!!

Sniper's like "Well. Be that as it may, any chance you can stop drainin' folks like stuck pigs?" Medic puts his hands behind his back and is like "Hmm.... well, you're a business man, aren't you, huntsman? You understand that I cannot simply do these things for nothing in return." And Sniper swallows bc he knows how powerful medic is... he can practically smell it and it is not a good idea to fuck with a vampire like this! So he's trying to play his cards a certain way so that he doesn’t have to end this with conflict…

"Well... what's worth an entire town'a people? Dunno how you can just wager-" Medic leaps down from the balcony and lands gracefully on his feet and stands up straight… and Sniper has to crane his neck to look up at him because… holy dooley… that’s a big… well fed…. spoiled vampire… Medic stands at about 9 feet tall and (some) vampires grow in relation to age and how well they feed.. Crikey…!! Not bad on the eyes, either.,.,

Medic cuts him off and is like "You. I would like you! ^_^ &lt;3" Not just bc he thinks sniper is kinda cute... but he's a very good vampire hunter and he could do work for Medic so.... it seems like a good deal to him! A very fair trade…. if he was going to be going ‘on a diet’ for a little while, it would have to be worth it after all! Sniper's like “WHAT?? Y’GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!” And Medic's like "I know you've been the one killing my wolves. I'm very impressed by you, hunter! ^v^" [VERY threatening aura despite hiii <3 vibes] and Sniper’s like “Yeah well what if I’m not interested in negotiatin’ about this, mister-(trying to be condescending)?”

Medic eyes Sniper’s knife and grins and is like “Please! call me Ludwig! (didn’t get that he was trying to be condescending) and of course then you’ll walk out of here alive, just as you came. I must say I would find it interesting that you wouldn’t leap at the chance to be the hero of the local people, though.” And would grin smugly… because sniper’s one life for the lives of the animals and humans of the entire area seems like more than a fair trade… but Sniper’s stubborn as hell and he’s a good enough person but definitely not a saint.

Sniper’s like “And what does all this mean for me? That I’d be some kinda hors d'oeuvre for you until you decide to snap my neck and drain me dry?” Medic’s eyes widen and he laughs and is like “Goodness, no! how barbaric! We shouldn’t focus on how I could kill you. Life is too short to think so heavily about how we might die.” And smirks and Sniper arches his brow, deciding to hear the vampire out..

Medic shrugs and is like “I’m a powerful vampire. I won’t reveal my age to you on our first date (pauses to grin gleefully because he can hear Sniper’s heart flutter at the mention of them being on a date), but I like my home and I intend to stay here and carry on as I’ve had. However, I am not above making compromises!” And shakes his finger and puts his hands behind his back and continues “Of course you know vampires exist. What you might not know is that we don’t all get along.” And says it kinda spitefully and Sniper’s like ???

Medic carries on and explains that vampires are constantly fighting over turf and feeding grounds and whatnot but killing another of their kind personally is… in poor taste. But if Sniper helps Medic take over other territories he won’t need to feed on this area. Less vampires means not as many people die and having both a human and a vampire working together is great for both people and vampires… “But that’s where you would come in, hunter!”

Sniper scoffs and puts his hands on his hips and is like “Y’want me to be your own personal vampire hunter. A vampire hunter that works for a vampire.” Medic hums and is like “Precisely! It has a delectable ring to it, doesn’t it! Hoo hoo!”

Medic approaches Sniper closer and Sniper's on his guard, and Medic bends over at the hip to look Sniper in the eyes and is like “I know you’re a capable hunter, mister Mundy. My wolves have told me (he can communicate with/see “through” their eyes). And if you went from being a small-time crocodile-wrestler and chose to pursue more… exhilarating prey, I can assure you that our deal will give you the thrills of a lifetime.”

Sniper’s looking into Medic’s eyes and then looks down as Medic runs his clawed hand over the sheath of Sniper’s knife holster that’s mounted on his shoulder… and Sniper clears his throat and is like “How’d you know I was-“ and looks behind Medic and sees some of the wolves and looks back at him... Medic smiles toothily and shows off his fangs… and well… the bushman's always admired pretty sets of teeth… control yourself Sniper!

“Imagine this kinda servitude is for life, then.” Medic chuckles and is like “You won’t be trapped here, you’re not my ward. You don’t even have to live here, though I’d be happy to supply you with the finest living quarters you could imagine. Fed, paid, and free as a bird. I do require that in regards to other vampires, your loyalty will be only to me. Of course, there would have to be.. unfortunate repercussions should you betray my interests for another vampire’s.” Sniper snorts and is like “You’re out of your bloody mind.” And Medic laughs…

“Certainly!" He agrees, "So go on and think about it, and come back to me if you decide to take me up on it. The offer is always open.” So Sniper leaves and goes back to the village and gathers up his stuff and finds the locals and tells them “Found a way to deal with the wolves. Gonna take care of it at their den. Shouldn’t be a bother anymore.” They pay him and Sniper stays there for a few more days while he thinks about that vampire’s offer…

Late at night he arrives to Medic’s castle and sees the wolves growling at him as he approaches, but then.,., they stop once they smell him and sit politely! Sniper’s like ???…. and he kicks the door a few times to knock (his hands are full) and the door opens again and Medic smiles pleasantly and is like "I didn't think I'd see you again, huntsman! Welcome back," and Sniper's heart flutters and Medic can hear it… <3 but Sniper stays on the porch.

“I stay, y’leave those people alone. There’s plenty’a eating around here if you’re not greedy about it.” Medic snorts and is like "My pets must eat, you understand (they hunt for him and he can Get Energy from them through blood synthesis. i have a lot of thoughts on this BUT to keep it short lets go with this). As must I. what do you—”

Sniper reaches down and grabs raw meat, intestines, etc. he’s brought and starts tossing it to the wolves outside in the snow, and Medic's pupils dilate at the smell. He knew Sniper must have hunted it (ethically) from local wildlife… and he’d brought it to keep them good on their word… which Medic appreciates because he didn’t have to do that. It’s not anywhere near as good as living blood (truly “fresh”), but the gesture is nice.

Medic’s like “Oh, and are you going to be taking me up on the living quarters?” and sees Sniper’s bags and stuff at his feet looking like a homeless lil hunter and Sniper frowns and is like “‘Course. Clear i don’t live around here, isn’t it?” Medic grins toothily and hums and effortlessly picks up Sniper’s bags for him and is like “Abundantly. Come along then, hunter! I’ll show you to your wing!”

Medic shows Sniper to his quarters which is nicer than anywhere he's ever lived! He's in total awe of the place and that it has electricity and is just so bloody nice… and now he’s living here too… holy dooley. Medic shows Sniper to his “room” which is more like a huge wing that has its own balcony, bathroom, bedroom with a big fireplace, lots of windows…. very very nice. But Sniper’s still totally suspicious!

Medic’s like “I hope it is to your liking! You can of course alter it any way you’d like. I’ll leave you alone for now to get plans for your dinner started. Is steak alright? Oh! And we can start our real work tomorrow!” Like calling behind him as he’s standing at the door…

Sniper’s like this is too good to be true. what the fuck. But instead says “Right. so when do you eat my heart out of my chest then?" and the vampire stops with his back to Sniper and turns his head and gives him a toothy smile and is like "When you beg me to. And not a moment sooner. :) Gute Nacht, Herr Mundy." and delights in the sound of the pounding pounding pounding of Sniper’s heart as he retreats to his main quarters and thinks about his handsome hunter... who is now all his... hoo!

Sniper swallows and is like Wrow… Ummm Okay.,, Hot.,,., and as time goes by he starts to get used to the fancy lodgings and the fact that somehow/somewhy Medic isn't killing him and is actually holding up his end of the bargain, and they're getting so comfortable coexisting together that even a few of Medic's wolves start to warm up to him... and sometimes Medic looks out his Brooding Window to see Sniper playing in the snow with them or them falling asleep in front of the fireplace together... and they start to fall in love... hehehe

okay yeah. as soon as my main bushmed fic is done im polishing this up what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need them to fuck nasty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[vacantgodling]

Writeblr Interview

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr?

been on tumblr in some way since like 2013. been on writeblr specifically since like 2020-2021... ish?

What led you to create it?

ended up leaving twitter (back when it was still twitter) around the time the pandemic happened. i wanted to get back into tumblr because i'd been focusing mostly on twitter for awhile and the yeehan community/my old friends kinda weren't doing shit for me so i wanted to focus more on my original stuff. so i ended up making a writeblr when i heard that was a thing.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

how we really do just be on here talking about our blorbos and having a good time. its nice to have a place to escape with people who also get the importance of not being connected to reality at all times.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

i feel like ask games have kind of died down compared to how they were a few years ago so it'd be nice to make a resurgance of that.

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today?

honestly just post what makes you happy and actually interact with other people. just trying to promote your own stuff doesn't really work (unless you're an artist tbh) but interacting with other people and making posts talking about what you're making with enthusiasm instead of the "woe is me idk how to talk about my wips but i hope someone will talk with me... :((" like bro idk just talk about it. have a good time. you don't have to follow for follow or follow someone just bc they're a writeblr either i kinda hate that shit. like only follow me if you're actually interested in my shit and vice versa. but that's just a pet peeve. tumblr isn't twitter we are about having a good time here not about promo.

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

that's a funny way to put this. rn its mostly been tcol just because i've been on a worldbuilding history kick because i've been cramming my brain full of a fucking alternate history youtube channel that my brain is mildly hyperfixated on. but my brain kinda flip flops around to any of my main wips when its convenient.

How long have you been working on them?

tcol's a wip i've had since i was 12 so like. pff 14 years at this point? jesus it sounds so old when i put it like that. paramour just had its 3 year anniversary on 6/19. vdtrt i've also had since 12. btaf is a couple of months old. like. maybe 2 months old lmao.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

tcol -> the video game etrian odyssey, lotr, history (in general) paramour -> there's so many influences frfr. but the original start was crimson peak and wanting to make something like that but also beauty and the beast and goth lit or whatever vdtrt -> percy jackson btaf -> twilight, but specifically the bella pregnancy arc

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

literally all day every day in some capacity

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

"fantasy" i don't really talk to people about my writing at all in general irl anymore tho. just sets up for annoyance and disappointment.

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)?

"fantasy" like. i really don't like people knowing about my wips esp if i don't think they have the bandwidth to appreciate them. not to sound uppity but like ik the people who i'm around and the shit that intrigues them is just worlds away from what i'm writing whether it be because its fantasy, because it's horror, or because it's queer.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.

so as of counting (and not counting the plethora of flesh blood recently added to tcol) i've got 419 characters and counting. this also doesn't include any of the ocs i have with my partner which is a decent amount. i'll just stick with the mcs of the main wips. so those would be:

hyacinthus, amon, darren, sjaak, biscella, azelie, piper, forte, deux, san, clear

Who’s the most unhinged?

least to most hinged of this list:

SJAAK -> amon -> san -> piper -> hya -> clear -> deux -> biscella -> azelie -> darren -> forte

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

hya and amon are the easiest to write because i've written them the most. darren is a close second but not first because his whole thing about not using adverbs really trips me up.

Do you ever cringe at them?

nah. i don't cringe at them. i disdain at them. but not really cringe. i get really bad secondhand embarrassment so i don't tend to make characters that make me have that actually cringe reaction.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?

kinda a weird question for me but tbh i feel like its sort of a 50-50 situation. i tend to make characters firstly out of some utility (aka i need a character to fulfill this role in the plot) and then as i develop them its like the two of us become collaborators on writing the story together. sometimes characters can be a bit stubborn about what they do or don't tell me about their backstories (hya is notorious for this) but for the most part they can't really "hide" things from me or wholly not do what i want them to do. a lot of times i'm going to put them in a situation anyway, they just need to tell me how they'll react to it. if any of that makes sense.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters?

of course :) i sound kind of dead in this questionaire because i'm at work ready to kms. but, sending me asks or talking to me on discord/tumblr messages about any of my idiots is always loved

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account?

i look at the vibes of the account, who they are, if they have an intro and what kind of wips they're writing. i mostly only follow people if i see that their wips interest me. some exceptions can be made, ie: if they interact with a lot of my stuff first and we become friendly and i'm not following them i'll follow after the fact and then get invested in whatever they're doing. but on initial contact i like to see who you are and if your wips are interesting to me.

What makes you decide against following?

wips don't interest me or have things in their wips/in their sphere of focus that i just don't care about or aren't really my cup of tea. like let's say someone puts in their wip/personal intro that they hate fantasy. i write fantasy all the time. so like. probably not gonna follow you. that kind of thing.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

not often? i wouldn't mind it bc i actually don't follow that many people (always under 100) but this is bc i can't keep up with people that much and i want to make sure i properly give attention to others if i'm going to be invested in them. but like. i enjoy talking to people about my shit so like. /shrug. i have way more followers than i follow which is why i mentioned i hate when people follow me just bc i'm another writeblr lol. i'd much rather you follow me because you have interest in Me but like, i can't control people frfr.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

yeah! that's why i try to keep who i follow kind of in lower ranges. i have bad memory and it takes me awhile to warm up to people, but when i follow someone its because i want to be friendly and get invested in what they do. so like, i try to do that. i'm not the best but i do try.

[voidreplacement]

him updates <3

it’s a lot btw

future me here: added tags cuz i want people’s opinions on this even tho i don’t usually add tags

i still like him sigh

also

he sent shirtless picture through insta (cuz that’s where we talk right) ON BOMB MODE

i however

being absolutely stupid

TOOK A FUCKING SCREENSHOT

AND IT TOLD HIM

AND HE COMMENTED ON THAT

LIKE STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

i covered it up saying it was an accident and i’d don’t mean to and THANKFULLY he changed the subject but godDAMN

if i had a nickel for every time a guy i liked showed me a shirtless picture i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice

like be so fr with me

is that a good sign that he likes me-? idk bro all my guy friends are hella unreliable when it comes to this stuff

sigh

HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

like don’t play

no and i didn’t even ask for it if that makes sense?

like before he sent it we were talking abt hw right

and then he says “Yoo chest vein goes fire” and i responded with “oh shoot you ate thatttt”

then we go back to talking abt teachers and hw and what not yk and he says again “Wait i look like a grown man with my shirt off” and i respond with “oh what / like in his 30s grown man” and he sends “No like a 20s grown man / I made it look like batman” i say back “you made yourself look like batman??? / impossible”

and this guy

sends

“Goat angles”

and the doomed bomb photo

followed with

“Chest vein goes crazy too”

mind you

i’m sitting here, on the floor, SUPPSOED to be locking in on hw, in front of my mirror

my hand is SHAKING and i see the aforementioned chest vein

i also see

that the photo is a bomb

i PANIC and take a ss cuz HELLO?

(yes i’m aware that’s weird asf but give me some slack i’m just a girl who’s crush SENT THEM A SHIRTLESS PHOTO. would you do the same? most likely i presume)

so yes i’m sitting there with the ss secured not having sent anything yet and just trying to calm myself in general cuz obviously my hearts beating hella fast. i’m thinking at this point

“omg what just happened” “i am no better than a man oh my god” “if i was a guy i would be SO HARD RIGHT NOW” “did he actually just send me that” “i’m dreaming this isn’t real this is a dream” etc etc

and he responds

“Did bro just snap a picture”

“Judas goes crazy too”

bcoz OFC it told him i took a photo and he just HAD to comment on that fact that he put judas by lady gaga on the photo as one does on insta

i PANIC and start texting my bsf

i’m sending her videos, screenshots, screen recordings, and overall spamming the poor girl

i know im being INCREDIBLY dramatic but i couldn’t calm down since i was going to SEE HIM the EXACT NEXT DAY and i was VERY embarrassed

i responded back to him after a good 10 mins saying “i in fact did BUT it was cuz i panicked since the i saw it as abt to explode and i didn’t see the vein right away / judas indeed goes crazy / live laugh live lady gaga”

he goes “The bomb is crazy” and i double down saying “yea bro the bomb / i forgot insta had that so i panicked” and he says “Silly little warhead”

THE FUCK?????? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???????

i say exactly that (basically) “what does that even mean 💀😭”

and he just says “Your welcome / Now / Are you a different animal / And the same beast”

“wdym”

“Your welcome”

“bros pulling a the rock” (moana reference T-T)

“Yup”

“the question now is / w h y”

“I have the most elegant pen eber / *photo of said pen on his hw* / Its supposedly a rlly expensive pej”

and that was the end of the whole fiasco

and that was on november 20th, 2024 (writing this on nov 27, 2024 so a week later”

so that’s the biggest plot with him idk

a few weeks ago as well he sent me raw footage of him getting a new pr on bench along with an edited video of him getting a new pr on deadlift

when i say edited vs raw, i mean the bench video has no filter, his face was uncovered, etc but the deadlift video DID have a filter and song lyrics covered his face

when i commented on that the deadlift video had no cover he said that it was normally to hide the struggle face but it wasn’t as bad in the video plus the lyrics covered enough so it wasn’t needed

which fair enough cuz i would do the same right

however he’s posted himself before NOT at the gym and he covered his face so then so?????

he’s just comfy with me now????

also the bench video he sent me had NO cover and the struggle face was very prominent yk

he also showed me both BEFORE he posted them on his story

(obviously i hyped him up tf)

and he would update me on how it was doing

he also consistently updated me on new prs in different areas

so idk

is that a good sign? is any of it?

[rocksanddeadflowers]

I figured, my cat Tootles somehow always finds a weird and very loud wrapper somewhere to chew (usually under my bed lmao). Also, the only time he tends to act out (ei chewing things/knocking things over/screaming) is bc he wants attention lol... figured Marius would do that a lot.

The floor is yours with them dude!! If you find them to be fitting names for your characters, then they're perfect. (Besides, I notoriously take forever to pick names for my characters btw, some of my OCs I've had for years still go by nicknames and placeholders...) I do wanna bring up how you said it's vaguely HNOC but still its own thing. Also how in the Beauty and The Beast musical, Belle is telling Beast a variation of Arthurian Legend...... Consider Brian sharing some of these stories and also implying that Brian believes Guinevere, Lancelot, and Arthur may have all three been a thing? And Jonny thinking about his parents... I'm not insanely well versed in Arthurian Legend but I think that'd be neat :)

Everything with the tragic romance you have going on oh my gods. It's all insane bro...........going insane........... And okay from what I'm gathering about Jesse and Lizzie (already headcannoning her full name is Elizabeth and the boys only use her full name in a super romantic setting or to tease her) is the effects of the poison being stayed by Carmilla's magic but not actually cured- just paused, slowed. They become mildly chronically ill from it and it just slowly progresses and worsens, so they know their years are cut short, and part of them years to see Peter but another can't leave their children yet. Carmilla probably hunting for the cure for years even and finds nothing... (at least that's what I assumed from what you wrote lemme know if you meant something else.) Also a few years later, Nastya reaching maturity, someone comes to assassinate the official heir to the throne, but when they're caught... no one has ever quite seen genuine hatred burn in the king and queen's eyes before, but it was there, and they were more than happy to toss this person to Raphaella. (Also, just curious, do we ever know there's a specific reason why this family is targeted like that? Bigotry against queer rulers? A neighboring kingdom aiming for some kind of control? For Nastya maybe it's a separate issues of not wanting only a woman and foreigner on the throne? Maybe a specific act/law/treaty of some kind was passed by the trio to make them targets by a select group? Just tossing ideas around.)

Insane about the thems :). Also yes the spirits helping!! The select spirits who adored those rulers sensing Jonny's fear of the water, and wanting him to experience the same fun his parents had and aiding him. Carmilla and Lyf being the first (or even only) people to notice this and getting a little misty eyed over it...

Uagh Lyf!!!! I think tree branches bend slightly and vines slide about a little to touch Lyf, to comfort them and bring them in further, to welcome them. Marius a little hesitant to follow seeing this, but gets a gentle pat from a branch as reassruance that he's welcome, a friend of theirs, then a friend of ours, and he's off skipping behind Lyf. Marius staring at Lyf practically lovesick....... Also Lyf using the flowers they picked to make Marius a flower crown...... he watches Lyf weaving it enamoured (<- its pretty simple but he hasn't a clue lmao). When it's done, Lyf inspects it happily, then silently plops it on Marius's head. He's fucking ecstatic about it. (And already planning on how to keep this thing forever, even tho Lyf will probably make him so many more in the future because they find he looks beautiful wearing one.)

so wait does consequences ts have the same kind of "what the fuck are you" kinda vibe as Brian? since it also is alive through magic, it's not really mortal or fae or spirit it just IS I feel like it must also be kind of uncategorizable. lyf is now double confused cause their friends boytoys crush's MARIUS'S bestie just isn't identifiable like at all

tagging @blazeismyname and @rocksanddeadflowers at the risk of starting another thread it's just the idea is not leaving my head and I want other people's thoughts and also I needed an excuse to call Marius lyfs boytoy

[w2beastars]

Waezi2′s thoughts on “Beast Complex” chapter 20

Well... I don’t think that this is officially “chapter” 20, but that’s what we are calling it. Paru gave us ONE more nice little tale about animals who may or may not eat each other, this time the story is called “The Black Panther and the Sea Otter.”

Hehe... Kinda sounds like a superhero team up :P

Anyway...

Gil the Panther and Po the Otter are co-workers at a company of some sort. They are on casually friendly terms and takes the train to work together.

And you probably noticed that Po the Sea Otter is almost as tall as Gil who is a panther which at first seems pretty unlikely. But keep in mind that carnivores in Beastars has become smaller since the stone age since they stopped eating meat as their primary food and only get protein from eggs, milk and occasionally bugs. Sea carnivores like otters eat meat since sea animals have a different view on consumption of other animals.

Speaking of which, Gil has a problem... he wants to eat Po’s hand so badly.

Yep. Here we go again:/

Gil catches himself staring at Po’s white fluffy hand when they take the train together, and it makes him feel like scum. And it doesn’t help that his hand is white like snow, one of the traits that makes an animal more appealing to the eye in this crazy world, so it is hard not to look at.

Po, who is an animal of the sea, notices that Gil looks somewhat hungry and being the extremely frank animal he is since he is from the sea makes him ask if he wants some “food.”

Yep, Po just pulls out a pack of sardine crackers from his bag in the train. Train as in PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION! Po was raised in the sea, so he is not as thoughtful when it comes to social norms on land, like not eating other animals. Sure, he is allowed to eat fish since their are no laws about that in the sea and he can eat it as long as he actually purchased it, but it is frowned upon by the rest of land society.

Gil has often noticed how Po unashamed eats fish at the office cafeteria while the others glare at him as if he is some sort of monster. He would probably have been fired long ago if it wasn’t because of his job as translator. Him speaking both land and sea language fluently makes him to valuable. But Gil doesn’t judge him, possibly because he secretly want to eat his hand. The fact that Po has such a nonchalant view on eating and being eaten probably means he would forgive Gil, making Gil feel even worse.

But knowing the world of Beast Complex as well as I do makes me think that Gil is too hard on himself. He mentions being from the countryside, far from the big city he now lives and works in, so he is probably stressed. And being stressed means that carnivores have an even bigger urge to want to eat other animals. So being stuffed inside a train so close to a “delicious” looking animal with eye-catching white fur is hell for a stressed-out country boy.

But one day, something happens that should NOT happen.

The train stopes, making Gil bump into Po... and he accidentally licks Po’s white hand.

Dogshit on a sandwich, that is NOT what he needs right now!!!

When Po gets off the train, Gil follows him in order to apologize in private since that was all sorts of wrong.

... And then Po tells him that its totally cool if he wants to eat him. And he does so while his face looks like a plush toy as usual.

DUDE! DA FUCK!?

I get that he means well and is telling him that there would be no hard feelings as he thinks predator animals should be allowed to eat what they grave for. But Gil is shocked by this and is speechless. He cant even sleep at night, thinking of what Po said to him.

We learn that Gil has more reason to be stressed than we assumed as he is probably not as qualified as he could be for the office job as he was mainly hired for his fur color. This is normal in the Beastverse where "pretty privilege” is very much a thing. That can bite you in the ass if your boss a douchebag who bullies you by reminding you that you only have your job because you are a hot piece of ass. And Gil is reminded that he should be more like Po who is from far away as well but is pulling more than his weight.

When Gil is on his way home, he is depressed and stressed more than usual, and consider taking a trip to the Back-Alley Marked to get some meat. He doesn’t feel guilty about that as such, which is not so weird as it is expected that to be a functioning adult in this world that you have to eat meat now and than to keep yourself in check... even though all it does is making you dependable on meat to keep your urge in check and that could actually make you more likely to one day eat someone out of frustration.

Po is fortunately a very nice guy who looks out for his colleagues and asks Gil if he is okay... and if licking his hand might help him feel better GOD DAMMIT, PO!

The train is extra crowded, and this is where the country panther and sea otter bond over the one thing they have in common: Feeling isolated while being surrounded by other people. None of them feel comfortable about the big city trains.

Po explains that “lonely” is not a concept in the sea as such. Sure, they know what it is, but they have never truly understood the concept. But living and working on land has made Po understand loneliness very VERY well. He knows that everyone at the office sees him as some sort of bloodthirsty monster since he eats fish, and that he only gets to keep his job because he is too hard to replace. That makes him feel isolated.

And then we get to see that there is possibly more than one sort of tension between these two besides Gil wanting to taste Po’s hand.

Po out of nowhere grabs Gil’s hand. He tells him that sea otters hold hands with their mates when they are tired so they don’t accidentally drift away from each other.

What´s interesting is that Gil is at first surprised. But he is not embarrassed by holding hands with Po in public or try to let go of Po’s hand. It seems like it does have a calming effect on him.

But then the train stops and all the animals in it push to try and get out or get out of the way for those who wish to leave.

Gil tightens his grip on Po���s hand so they don’t get separated. He is surprised by how important it is for him to hold hands with him. But he also realizes that nothing seems as important to hold on to this hand, to be sure that the otter is safe in a world full of animals that might want to eat this delicious white-furred otter.

... And then they get kicked out of the train XD

I mean, I get it. Its two big carnivores who yells and blocks the other passengers, I would want them off the train :P

Po is touched by Gil’s kindness and the two of them go for a drink... while they keep holding hands.

They are two extremely different animals far from home, but they at least have each other :)

[rezzyromance]

Idk if this is how you request things or if it's just asking, BUT-

How would the Lords react to an S/O that's usually the chillest person that you will ever meet (not to be confused with a pushover because they are not), they've never seen them even mildly annoyed when something bad happens. But then something happens and, turns out, the S/O is utterly TERRIFYING when they're mad.

Hope this makes sense!

Aw man I'm gonna feel awful scaring Moreau and Donna :(

Alcina

You're relaxing on a beautiful morning. The sun is shining through the window just enough to warm the room but not hurt your eyes. You hadn't even changed out of your sleep wear. "How are you feeling, my dear?", a sweet voice rang from the doorway. You were sitting in your favorite chair near the window. You turn and smile at her. She walks over and rubs your face in her large hand before leaning down and giving you a soft kiss. "I'm feeling amazing. And you?", you grab her hand before she pulls it away and you place a kiss on her knuckles. "I'm feeling alright. There's a new maid here. She's a bit slow. I'm giving her until tonight to finish dusting the entire castle or else she won't see another sunrise." It was almost comedic how dark her words were as you both stared out the window and gazed at the beautiful scenery. "Come on Alcina.", you stand up and place your hands on hers, trying to hold them despite the size difference. "Give the girl a break. It's a huge castle AND it's her first day.", you knew your words would probably change nothing. Alcina was rather cruel, but you looked past it. You tried your best to make the nervous maids comfortable whenever they arrive.

"We'll see how she does." She gives you one more kiss before leaving the room. You sit back down in your chair, enjoying the warmth of the sun for a little while longer. You lose track of time, minutes maybe even hours go by. Suddenly, there's a crash not far from the door. You jump and stand up, no longer comfortable after being startled. "What in the name of Mother Miranda?!", you leave the room and look down the hallway. The new maid stood there with a terrified look on her face. In front of her was one of the paintings Alcina had on her walls, now with a broken frame and a hole punctured. Your blood began to boil. It was a painting of you, her, and the girls all together. It was your favorite. "How in the hell did you manage to do that?!", you begin to stomp towards her. She cowers and struggles to find her words. "I-I-I was just dusting! It fell and I-I didn't mean t-", you cut her off. "How the fuck did you knock such a large painting over just by dusting?! DO YOU THINK YOU'RE ALLOWED TO MAKE SUCH STUPID MISTAKES HERE?!", you unravel. "I-I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!", she almost begins to weep. "SORRY ISN'T GONNA SAVE YOUR ASS!"

"MISS DIMITRESCU PLEASE HELP!", she cries out. You freeze, realizing that the lady herself is right behind you. You turn to face her. Her eyes are wide with shock. She has never seen you like this before and never even knew you had this type of side to you. She was impressed as much as she was terrified. "(Y/N)? Are you alright my love?" She had no idea what to do as your seething slowed down. "Why don't you go back to the room, yes? Settle down a little and deal with her later.", she places a hand on your back helps walk with you back to the room. Once you're there, she bends down to whisper in your ear. "I don't know where this side of you has been this whole time, but I am so amazed by you. And also a little frightened."

Donna

The Beneviento house was usually a calm place despite its creepy aura. You and Donna are both quiet and chill people. Never once have you fought or even raised your voices at each other. It was pleasant.

You had planned a nice dinner for the both of you. You wanted to try out a new recipe and surprise her, so you made your way to the kitchen to get started. "Okay, what first? I guess I'll need a pot.", you go rummaging through the kitchen and you find the pots stacked within each other inside one of the top cabinets. You groan and stand up on your toes, grazing the pots with your fingers. It didn't take much to cause them to tumble down, crashing on top of you with a loud sound that followed. "Aw shit.", you sighed and picked up the knocked over pots. A small but annoying pain began to throb in your head from where it made contact with a pot. What you didn't notice was you forgot to pick one of the pots up. It remained unnoticed. "It's fine.", you say to yourself as you maintain your composure. Next, a cutting board and knife. You turn around and begin to walk forward to find the cutting board, but you slam your toe into counter. You wince in pain and grab your foot. "SON OF A BITCH!", you yell.

You calm yourself, still wanting to have a pleasant meal with Donna. "Alright. Everything's fine." You step forward and kick the pot that you had forgotten to pick up. It caused your freshly kicked toe to ache even more. "OH COME ON! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!", you scream and swear as you throw your arms up in pure rage and shock.

"...(Y/N)?", a gentle voice whispered from the doorway, causing you to whip your head in that direction. It was Donna. She looked absolutely horrified and almost looked like she could cry. "Is.. is everything... are you alright?", she worried. "Yes. I'm sorry. Just got a little pissed off.", you took a deep breath to calm yourself down, feeling bad for scaring the poor girl.

Moreau

You were sitting on the dock together, looking into the water as your feet swung back and forth above it. It was a sunny day and you two decided to spend it outside. Your hand slowly made its way over to his. His feet stopped swinging for a second as you entangled your fingers. "I don't know what I'd do without you, (Y/N)." his words were bitter sweet as a gentle smile formed from his lips. "Oh, Sal. You don't have to think like that. I'll always be here for you.", you kiss his cheek and continue to relax as you sway your legs.

"There it is! There's the beast!", a voice yelled from not so far away. You both look in the direction of the voice and see a few young village boys. Possibly between the ages of 13 and 16. Moreau had become some what of a scary story for the villagers. A tale that kids spread on school court yard and bring up during dares. But, you've never seen a kid brave enough to actually make it far enough into the reservoir to actually see Moreau. Now, there were about 3. All of them stood and pointed, shocked and terrified.

"Hey beast! Come get me!", one kid teases. You glare at the kids as a newfound rage begins to boil inside you. "Let's go back inside.", Moreau says before standing up from the doc. The sadness in his voice was heartbreaking. Suddenly, one of the children gathers the guts to pick up a rock and throw it as hard as he could. His aim was off, but not by much. It slammed into the wood near Moreau's feet, startling him. "Take that you devil!", he laughs. "THAT'S IT YOU LITTLE SHIT!", you begin sprinting in the direction of the immature brats. Two of them run from the direction they came from while the one who threw the rock was frozen in fear. You took the opportunity to grab him by the collar of his shirt. "Listen here you little waste of space. I'm gonna give you 3 seconds to turn around and run for your goddamn life. If you or any of your little snot-nosed friends come around here again, they'll be goddamn fish food. Do you understand?" The kid was too scared to speak and instead began to nod rapidly. You let him go and watched as he ran as fast as he could, screaming the whole way.

You walk back to the shack and find Moreau standing in the same place he was when you took off. His mouth was agape and he looked almost as scared as the kids. "You alright Sal? I made sure those little shits won't be coming around here anymore." "Yeah... I didn't know you could be so... scary", he says. "I'm sorry. But those kids were being cruel. I had to do something.", you say. "Well... it was awesome!", he smiled. "But also very scary!" You laugh which helps sooth him a little.

Heisenberg

"Screw driver.", is all Karl said with an outstretched palm. He was working on some type of mechanical heart for his experiments. He wanted you to lend a "helping hand" even though he could easily do it all by himself. He did this because he wanted to be around you, he was just too stubborn with too big of an ego to simply say it. So here you were, handing him every little tool he asks for.

"Do you want the big one or the little one?", you say with a hint of boredom in your tone. "Aw c'mon don't sound like that! Isn't this exciting? It's like you're working on it with me! Also, hand me the big one.", you do as he says and hand him the big screw driver. "I just don't get it. You literally have powers. You can easily do this by yourself and have been for so long. Why do you need me to help?" He pauses for a second and looks over towards you, his brow slightly furrowed. "I don't NEED you to help. I just thought it would be nice for you to help out. Plus, you're the one always bitching about me constantly working. Well, here you are! Helping me work! So, either suck it up or you can leave." His harshness had no real ill will in it. He was just confused and a bit too ignorant to consider his words. But, he was testing your patience. He continued to use the screwdriver until handing it to you without saying a word.

"Hand me a screw.", he demanded with his hand facing palm up again. "Which size?" "They're all the same sizes, dumbass." You feel your blood begin to boil. "They're different fucking sizes! This one is smaller than this one!", you hold up two screws that are obviously different sizes. This makes Karl angry. Not because you were right, but because you seemed upset over something that seemed so insignificant.

"If you came here just to yap in my ear, then I don't think I need your assistance.", he huffed. You put the selection of tools and supplies he was making you hold on the table he is working on and ball your fists. "You're the one who told me to do this in the first place!", you yell. "Yeah, because you won't stop bitching! Non-stop you're always compla-" you cut him off before he can finish. "SHUT UP!", you yell. The room goes silent. "YOU SAY I'M BITCHING? HAVE YOU HEARD YOURSELF? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST KARL YOU BITCH AND MOAN ALL THE TIME! I'M DONE TAKING SHIT FROM YOU!" He wanted to be angry, but he couldn't. He felt something much more overwhelming. Was he.. intimidated? He didn't move from his seat. All he could do was look up at you with a confused expression. What now? What is there to do? If he pushes you further, what would happen? He was actually too scared to find out.

You take a deep breath to calm down before speaking. "Now, if you want me to help with your shit, I'll stay as long as you keep your mouth shut. Can you possibly manage to do that?" He gulps nervously. "Yes ma'am."

[chasing-classics]

Our Little Secret Sessions- Nate Jacobs x Reader (2)

Pairing(s): Nate Jacobs x Reader

  Warning(s): SMUT, language, toxic relationships, older reader, NON-CON

  Summary: After landing a job as the high school’s new counselor you settle into your new home, unaware of what danger lurks just outside your front door. In Part Two, you meet another one of your students, only to be interrupted by the boy next door.

Part 1

 A couple of weeks had passed since your encounter with Nate, but the fear of what the teenage was capable of remained fresh in your mind. You could never forget the dominant, controlling look in his eyes when he had threatened you in your office. Since then, you had been unable to sleep properly and you found yourself constantly looking over your shoulder. On the bright side, you had not encountered him face-to-face since that day, but his presence could always be felt never too far away. He was like some sort of predator, a beast lurking in a dense jungle. Eyes sharp and ready to go in for the kill at any moment.

 ‘’Um miss?’’ a voice broke you out of your thoughts.

 You quickly snapped your head up, sitting straight up in your office chair as a young girl stood in the doorway. She was average height for her age, dark hair, glamorous makeup, and full lips. You had seen her walking down the hall a few times, an air of confidence always surrounding her. She reminded you of the girls you hated when you were in high school.

  ‘’I’m so sorry, please come in,’’ you extended your hand, gesturing to one of the empty chairs or the couch in front of your desk. She nodded, shutting the door behind her as she made herself comfortable.

 ‘’I’m sorry, I’m still getting used to everything here. I’m Miss y/l/n,’’ you held out your hand for her to shake. She looked down at it before slowly returning the gesture. Whether she just wasn’t used to people being polite to her or she just didn’t like you, you weren’t sure.

 ‘’Maddy,’’ she replied, her expression unreadable.

 ‘’Well how can I help you Maddy?’’ you offered a kind smile despite her semi-cold attitude.

 Her eyes flickered, searching for the right words to express her thoughts. Your brow furrowed as she visibly struggled.

 ‘’This is a safe place Maddy, whatever you tell me stays between us,’’ you encouraged.

 She bit down on her lip, hands twisting and fumbling in her lap as her leg bounced. Finally, she met your concerned gaze with a sigh.

 ‘’Do you think sexuality is a spectrum?’’ she blurted out.

  The question took you back, it taking everything in your for your mouth to stay shut.

  ‘’Well, in my opinion it certainly can be. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a one-size-fits-all or black and white approach to it. But I really think it depends on you and your preferences-‘’

 ‘’N-no. Not me,’’ she cut you off, still seemingly nervous. You arched a brow, trying to decipher what she was talking about.

 ‘’Is everything ok, Maddy?’’

  ‘’Look there’s this. . .guy who I’m seeing. And I found-‘’

 Knocking on your door made the two of you jump. A lump formed in your throat when the handle twisted and the door opened, revealing none other than Nate fucking Jacobs.

 You quickly cast a glance at Maddy who, for some reason or another, looked almost as petrified as you felt.

 ‘’Oh sorry Miss y/l/n, I didn’t know you were busy,’’ Nate practically hissed out the last word as his gaze fell upon Maddy.

  ‘’Mister Jacobs, I’m with Maddy right now. If you’d like we can schedule a meeting-‘’

 ‘’No! No, it’s ok, miss. I’ll be late for class anyway,’’ Maddy scrambled to collect her bag and rush out the door.

 ‘’I can write you a hallpass,’’ your words jumbled, practically pleading with the girl to stay so that you were not left alone with this sociopath. The smirk on Nate’s face made your blood run cold.

 Maddy murmured a quick ‘’bye’’ before the door shut closed behind Nate’s lanky figure. He scoffed, steadily turning his attention back to you as you shakily stood.

 ‘’You can’t just show up like that. I have a job to do and anyone could-‘’

 ‘’Take your pants off,’’ he abruptly interrupted you.

 A pitiful squeak, similar to that of a puny mouse cornered in a snake pit, escaped your lips as the air left your lungs.

 ‘’What?’’ you felt your heart began to beat faster as Nate took a step towards you after locking your door, sealing your fate.

 ‘’I said, take your pants off. And bend over your desk,’’ his deep voice shook you to your core.

 ‘’Nate, please,’’ you whispered, trying to sum up as much courage and dominance as you could as you stood straight and met his terrifying gaze.

 He didn’t respond as his hands descended on you. One locked itself onto the back of your neck and played with your hair as the other began to roughly grope your breasts through your flimsy shirt. His mouth pressed rough, hearted kissed onto the column of your neck as his breath fanned hot flames onto your soft skin. You felt paralyzed as his grip tightened, you having to bite your lips from crying out.

 You jumped when his large hand made its’ way underneath your shirt and the material of your bra. He easily captured a nipple between his index and middle finger and began to pinch and squeeze and tug on the sensitive bud, expertly rolling it however way he sought fit.

  ‘’L-leave,’’ you whispered. Half of you was praying and the other was making a rather pathetic attempt to reestablish authority over him.

 ‘’If I walk out that door, everyone will know how you slept with a student,’’ he threatened, biting at the soft juncture between your neck and shoulder, making you hiss in pain.

 ‘’I didn’t know!’’ you whimpered, cursing the way your body reacted to both his touch and his voice.

 Your nipples were overstimulated at this point, any rubbing against your bra or touch from Nate’s fingers had you mewling like a helpless kitten. Your knees locked together as you felt the heat expand downward from your arousal.

  ‘’The sooner you give in, the sooner I leave. The less chance you have of someone catching us,’’ he groaned, grinding his thickness into your lower abdomen so you felt what was awaiting you.

  You let out a shaky breath, nodding slowly as you nervously fumbled with your jeans. Nate all but growled when he saw the delicate lace material that hid your womanhood. His breathing labored and his cock twitched. Since he had last had you he had messed around with Maddy a few times, trying to placate his urges, trying to forget about his attractive new neighbor and school counselor. But something about you, the way you were allured him to you. He found himself craving you, imagining your cries and moans as he thrusted wildly into Maddy. He found himself becoming rougher at the thought of having you once again, all to himself. His little taboo. Today, he found he couldn’t wait any longer and found himself at your office door, ready to continue your secret little sessions.

 By the time your jeans had pooled around your ankles and your underwear shortly followed, your boots providing you with a little more height than usual, Nate grew tired of waiting. He shoved your paperwork, cleverly unhooking your phone in case anyone called, and shoved you down by your neck so that your body was painfully bent over the unforgiving surface.

 Your cheek pressed against the wood of the desk, your eyes searching for anything to focus on as you tried to block out the jingling of his belt and the sound of his zipper being pulled down. You felt the heat of his cock at your entrance as Nate folded himself onto you, his breath hitting your cheek and neck as his toned abs gently grazed your spine and ass.

 ‘’Be quiet,’’ he warned, one massive hand wrapping around your face to cover your mouth. You winced as he spit down onto your spread pussy, using his thumb as makeshift lubricate. He hummed in approval at the feel of your arousal and you didn’t need to face him to know he had a chesire cat grin on his pale face. You could feel him retreat his hips before he lunged forward and sheathed his massive dick into your tight canal. You screamed against his hand, although it was practically just muffled mewls given his tight grip as he began rotating his hips, stretching your tightness to welcome whatever he was about to give you.

 ‘’Shhhh, good girl, look at you taking it like a champ,’’ he mocked as he reluctantly pulled out, only to violently snap forward, your body lunging with his brutal movements.

 Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, but you were ashamed to admit they were in pleasure. The feeling of complete fulness outweighed the pain, but you made a pitiful attempt to reach behind you and shove him back. You yelped as his other hand locked your wrists and pinned them to the small of your back, your body helpless and completely on display as Nate continued his brutal pace. He felt every quiver, every squeeze that your sweet pussy gave him. He nearly came within the first few minutes of being inside of you, but he managed to hold off. The way you squealed under him, your smaller body rocking in tune with his thrusts, and the way your tight pink pussy latched onto him to the point he dragged your body back as he pulled out was nothing that he had ever had before. He pressed more of his weight into you, trying to keep his own grunts and moans quiet as he gripped your face and wrists.

 ‘’So good,’’ he kept repeating in your neck as he hammered into you. The wet noises and sound of his hips violently meeting your backside filled you with fear that someone would come in and catch you. Your squealing and cries slowly transformed into needy moans and whimpers, you faintly acknowledged your juices beginning to drip down your inner thighs and you felt your insides begin to coil.

 ‘’N-Nate,’’ you breathlessly cried against his palm, attempting to suck in as much air through your nose as you could. He bite down on your shoulder, tongue lapping at the faint angry marks, groaning as his pace did not let out. He was impossibly thick and girthy, filling you and hitting your cervix with every ram of his hips. Your hands twitched and knees buckled as his cock began throbbing along your velvet walls. You couldn’t help but squeeze him as your own climax began to form, causing him to hiss against your shoulder.

  ‘’Gonna fill you up, oh fuck,’’ you faintly deciphered him growling out as you were forced to take his thrusts.

 Your clit throbbed almost painfully, knuckles turning lighter as your fists clenched against your back. He abruptly released your wrists, opting to clutch the curve of your hip as he forced your body back to meet his awaiting thrusts, making you cry out every time he angrily entered you. As you cried out with each thrust, he groaned, feeling your release incredibly close. He angled his hips slightly higher and dove in, grinning as he heard your moans, your pussy locking onto his dick as your orgasm coated him. He slowed his pace just to watch the way he glistened from your juices, enjoying the sinful squelching noises you both produced as he shoved himself repeatedly into you, before regaining his violent momentum.

 His grip on you tightened impossibly as you lay limp underneath him, lost in the waves of your release. All you felt was your body being forced back and forth as Nate impaled you onto his angry member. You swore you saw actual stars bouncing around your vision before you were forced back down into reality as he removed his hand from your mouth (finally) and gripped your throat. Through his animalistic movements he angled your face back to meet his in a bruising, possessive kiss as he ensured every inch of him was buried to the hilt inside of you as he shuddered. You groaned as the warmth of his cum filled your abused pussy. He moved against you one last time before slowly pulling you out and stuffing himself back into his jeans and zipping it back up. You winced when you felt a finger trace your lower lips and shove some of his load back into your sore pussy.

 ‘’Get dressed,’’ his voice conveyed his relaxation and his gaze was surprising soft as he helped you stand up.

 You didn’t speak as you redressed, your face still flushed with a postcoital glow. He tucked some of your hair out of your face as his eyes searched yours, his thoughts unreadable. But just as his expression lingered on borderline affection, that cruel teenage-boy smirk reappeared as his hand thumbed the base of your neck in a warning grip.

 ‘’I’m going to need that hall pass.’’

[thefaiao]

   Making music has been a weird experience. I remember in high-school when I would try to accompany a beat and one friend told me “I have no rhythm at all”. I thought, what, no way. I am enjoying this music so much and clapping, I must have rhythm if my heart is in it. He was right.    Even recently I didn’t have a good notion of rhythm. The song I made for the game in 2019 was a little endearing atrocity with barely any pacing. I’ll probably re-use it somewhere though it’s kind of cute, because even then my heart was truly in it. In a way it has that to replace its lack of everything else.    I was streaming Friday Night Funkin’ to a friend once and she mocked me for barely hitting any notes, it was ruthless. I felt as if I was naked and someone was commenting on any weird shaped moles they could procure. I got mad at her but it did motivate me to get better at following a beat.    I’d always be hitting stuff on my way to and back from places, but I think I was just following random brain malfunctions rather than a rhythm. Now whenever I can I am pacing a beat as well as I can. I got a perfect combo on a reconstructed mole in Mother 3! That shit is hard as fuck. By the end of the game I was getting many perfect combos with my obsession. I suppose I took it very personally. Either way games aren’t the best way to better your skills fully. It’s just a weird replacement... maybe there’s still some real world after-effects but I’d often think “I will get so good at games I will be a beast in real world activities.” I don’t think that worked but I am pretty good at games now.    I wish that friend could see that I got a many perfect combos in Mother 3, but we are no longer friends. But I am sure she felt it through the invisible forces that binds us all. Maybe some stray bowel movement informed her of my achievements.   The climax of this was me working on the track for the game’s boss. It was torture. Like trying to teach a dog to fly. It was hard to be consistent, as I often follow my whims and instincts instead of structuring and organizing myself. Whenever I had to add a variation I’d sit on my chair sweating. Ah! There is no way. I have to kill myself! I didn’t though, I managed to finish it, but only after I failed my driving exam and my brother told me. Dude, it’s pretty good, the melody is dissonant but it works. He didn’t like the out of combat tracks though because they were dissonant and games usually make something more subdued. Now I have to learn more stuff. This is bullshit.    Because of this people will have to accept these beautifully desolated amateurish tracks as if a new school of melody has been made! I will do better in the next ones, whatever. I had fun making them and it’s a game that wouldn’t make sense to have normal video game music. The game is demented so it needs music that reflects the two brain-damaged idiots that made it.    Despite Chuck Salamone’s tracks being beautiful and very inspiring, I can’t help but appreciate the scuffed tracks Mason did for Hylics 1. They have stuck to me more.    Fuck negative dB measurements. What does that mean! Go to hell!

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker/Platonic! Crows x fem! Reader - Silence

A/n: So I know I haven't been very active lately but hopefully that will change! Also I don't really love this fic it's not very good and I might rewrite it in the future but for now, you guys can enjoy this shit!!!

Warnings: Abuse, sexual abuse, rape, violence, mentions of death, technically mentions of suicide, THIS FIC IS A MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

Summary: They used to be happy. That’s what Jesper says anyways about his sister. When he’s asked where it all went wrong it’s usually responded with an I have no idea. When Kaz comes to confront them in front of the Crows why you came back all bloodied and carrying back a body, they know this isn’t going to end well…

Death clung to you. That's what people muttered in the streets of Ketterdam, 'if the Blackbird is on a strike don't go outside for a week and remember, pray to the saint who wears the most colour.'

Great bedtime stories for children.

Your legend would never end, though it must have begun somewhere. Someone who you decided could witness one of your killings must have made up a story. Started it up and told it in fright to someone and the people not believing a word they say. Before their dead of course. And then it spreads like the plague.

The Blackbird was once a hopeful girl, full of dreams and happiness. She had beautiful feathers of all different kinds of colours, and they sang to the heavens and it was as if she was a child of the saints. Then one day - the bird that brought kindness and sunshine to everyone's lives fell into a trap.

There was a hyena that people all thought was bad news but she thought she could help him become a better person.

The little birdy was wrong.

He hurt the bird of colours so badly that one day he burned her feathers and they became pitch black. The hyena thought that he had won at last and had gotten power over the bird.

It was said that she ran and escaped the terrible beast that day. And because he had changed her to the very soul she wasn't the same anymore, no. She was only used for revenge, and it was said she turned her backs on the saints for not saving her. When the saints did decide to intervene the little bird was shattered and could no longer sing. Her voice reduced to a vengeful whip, it was no longer beautiful but fearsome.

It was said that on that night the Blackbird used her wings on Ketterdam so she could cover the sky in darkness so the stars in the sky, the only things the saints could use to watch over mankind was blindfolded in a merciless fog.

And there the Blackbird was born.

Maybe death clung to you, but not the same way that trauma and the cruelness of the world does.

And that's a fate worse than death.

You remember strike one, you and Jesper were kids - happy kids. And the neighbour's son of was considerably older than both of you offered to babysit the one time your Da, and Ma was out.

Jesper was playing in the back, perhaps practicing shooting so he could impress your Mum but you stayed inside saying something along the lines that you wanted to cook some cookies for Dad.

How you wished you hadn't.

That teenage boy had put his filthy little hands on you. He left you in the kitchen tears running down your face and bile that you had to force back down your throat.

Your mother had found you like that and she instantly knew what had happened and she made everything much more bearable. When you had nightmares you would get up and knock on her door quietly enough for her just to hear and because your Ma was a light sleeper but your Da was not, she would get up and see you alright.

The poor woman never told her husband because you had pleaded with her not to. She always did blame herself and she made sure the boy never came around again but she did thank the saints that he didn't go all the way.

She wasn't sunshine, (she always said that was you!) No, she was the faint moonlight in the distance that helped guide you on your way home.

Then she died.

Strike two, was your mother dying. You remember that day where she went to take the poison out of that child and when she did she sucked it back into herself. In your arms was the last place your Ma took her last breath.

That was the day the world had lost its guide home and it always seemed to be in peril after that.

Strike three came almost immediately after strike two. Your father wouldn't talk to you. You became a ghost in your own house, you understood your father though,

she did die in your arms.

Jesper was the only one that didn't make strike three the last strike where the rope was at its point and snapped. He was your armour against the world, with his funny quirks and quips. He was the older brother you needed in those moments.

But armour slowly breaks over time and your dear brother wasn't getting enough out of life at the farm. So when your Father sent Jesper to Ketterdam you went right with him.

You attended college for a bit but eventually, your armour had finally left you. It broke under the stress of everything in his life that he couldn't keep up with yours.

So you meant him.

He was kind but knew when the world was being too cruel. He was wealthy, but not rich. He was sweet, but not puke up rainbows kind of way. He knew you like the back of his hand and always knew how to comfort you. Jesper had actually meant him once before he got too busy with the Dregs and said maybe he knew you too well.

You yelled at him at the time and said that was absurd! He would never do anything to hurt you!

Strike four was falling under his spell.

Strike five was when he told you terrible things about yourself and you thought he was always right. He could do no wrong in your eyes.

Strike six was when he finally started beating you and you had just expected it at this point.

Strike seven was when you weren't allowed to go to school anymore.

Strike eight was when he wouldn't let you see anyone, not even your brother. But you never questioned it, he was basically a saint to you, why would you? Besides Jesper never seemed to have time for you anyways.

Strike nine was when he cheated on you and told you you had to be better.

Strike ten was when he started raping you.

Then one day he was worse than usual and you grabbed the hot poker from the fire pit, that he had used to beat you before, and you had told him to stay away.

Then you ran.

It was the straw the broke the camel's back, it was the saints giving up on him or maybe it was the saints giving up on you.

You didn't care, you were free.

You made one promise that day, that you would never love again.

You learned quickly what Ketterdam was like even before you had meant him, so perhaps that was why it was so easy to become the Blackbird. The girl who never smiled, the girl who only lived only for revenge. The monster that will wipe your existence off of the earth like it was nothing. The ghost that will haunt you when your sins line up too high.

Eventually, you joined the dregs and you connected with your brother once again and he knew something was wrong the moment he felt your presence. He didn't believe you were the Blackbird, the girl who terrorized the streets of Ketterdam.

But he learned to accept it, they all did except for that blasted Brekker boy.

With your time in the Dregs, you had slowly begun to form something with Kaz but you quickly remembered your promise to yourself and you let him go.

Although you don't like to admit it, the Crows had become your friends - family even. You would do anything to protect them even though it didn't seem like it. You were you though, and that was being afraid to even semi-connect with them. Of course, you were, because you were growing a bit too fond of Kaz Brekker and last time that lead you to a fate worse than death.

So you distanced yourself for a while to recollect your thoughts and if you really wanted to stay with them. Did they ever manipulate you? No. Then you came back and you stayed, maybe you weren't the perfect friend or a very good one at all but the Crows knew you even considering to stay was a blessing all in itself.

They were always so patient with you even Kaz, especially Kaz, and you never gave anything in return to them. Guilt would often cloud your mind when you were near them but they were always so amazing something you could never be.

But one day they came to their breaking point.

Killing people wasn't anything new for them, much less you killing people but coming back with a bloodied body and losing contact with them for weeks was probably not the same as just 'killing.'

Jesper pulls you by your bicep into Kaz's office with the other Crows following behind. You stumble in as Kaz slams the door shut being the last one in the room. They stare at you with beady eyes almost like the ones on the infamous birds around the Slat.

"What the fuck Y/n!" Jesper finally yells. Everyone around doesn't even bother to tell him to lower his voice their faces held the same anger that Jes's did.

Silence drowns you in its ocean keeping you in its waters. A chain is wrapped around your throat as you sink deeper and deeper into its depths. You try and swim away, run like you always had before, but the weight around your neck is too heavy, too dense and it slowly drowns you.

You just shrugged your shoulders. How could you explain all that you went through? Why would you want to?

"We can't just brush this off Y/n, we always do, but you crossed a line," Wylan states calmly but firmly at the same time putting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder trying to ease the tension in the room.

You laugh, you hadn't even been walking a line at all. No, you had been jumping from rooftop to rooftop as they created a chalk line at how far you could go. Balling your hands into fits you snarl, they have been keeping you back. Maybe it's a good thing but you didn't want to admit it.

What about Kaz? A voice whispers in the back of your head.

Your eyes travel to his form in the back. He's leaning on the wall slightly but also using his cane to make himself look up-right. The darkness in the back compliments his angular features making them stand out as if saying he was above you. And to most people he probably was and he deserved that position.

But it didn't matter to you, he was just Kaz to you. Even if you saw him as someone... Important in your life, nevertheless he didn't matter. He was just another powerful man drawing a line that you couldn't cross as the line became smaller and smaller till you were trapped against a wall with nowhere to go.

When you first became the Blackbird, you climbed up that wall, you knew what was going to happen next. And you would never let anyone do that to you again.

"If you think I crossed the 'line' then your wrong." Your voice started out light-hearted (never does a fake smile crawl on your face though) but slowly became menacing and terrifying.

You spin of your heels turning to Jesper. "You've kept me in a cage giving me freedom but always locking me back up in the night."

You turn to Wylan and you mock his voice from earlier. "It was only a matter of time before I would break out." Your eyes lock onto Kaz's and your voice softens while you look at him.

"You knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later. A bird needs to stretch its wings somehow."

"That doesn't mean you get to cut off communication with us for weeks than bringing in a body all bloodied. What you said before doesn't even explain why you did that Y/n," Inej says quietly.

You growl and the people closest to you jump back a little.

"Oh, what are you going to do, kick me out? Half of your businesses wouldn't have even succeeded without me!"

Jesper balls his hands into fists. "Gee for fuck's sake Y/n would just tell us!"

"HE'S THE REASON I'M A MONSTER!"

Your shout makes everyone freeze in their place and there it is again. The overbearing silence that takes over everything with its darkness. Running threw out the room, swirling around you and making it impossible for you to even hear anything other than your own terrible thoughts of madness.

But one voice isn't in your head of that hyena howling at you no, it's real and you can hear it among the darkness. You close your eyes listening in and hearing something other than darkness.

"Y/n." Your eyes snap open and you meet Kaz's eyes and you feel something dangerously close to relief.

"Everyone else out."

The Crows file out of the room one by one following Kaz's order. Everyone leaves but Jesper hesitates at the door and you see your broken armour trying to come back to you again and although it's harsh he wasn't there when he should have been. You understood that he had other problems he needed to sort out but you were his little sister.

You were supposed to stick up for each other.

"Out." Your voice would sound cold to anyone else but to Jesper, it sounds tired and unhappy. Lonely also however it has a hit of love and revenge as well.

The taller brother just sighs though and close's the door.

Kaz's eyes meet yours and your hands start to fidget with the cuffs of your bloodied shirt.

He doesn't say anything, he just stares at you. Willing you to spill information with just a glance. Any God would fall prey to those eyes and they would disclose all their knowledge while also thanking him in the end.

Kaz Brekker had something more powerful than Godly power over you.

So you couldn't help but tell him the real more dark story behind the Blackbird, he had already told you his so maybe, just maybe you could trust him.

"Do you know the Story of the Blackbird?" Your voice rings out against the muteness of the room fighting against it for once in your miserable life.

Kaz nods his head showing you that he knew. Of course, he knew it, was Brekker he probably knows every single version by heart.

"And I assume you know it's about me?"

Rolling his eyes but nodding once again.

You hesitate, knowing that after this you couldn't go back. That these next few words could change everything and why are you even telling this to the bastard of the barrel?

Because you love him.

It's simple and you promised yourself you would never love again but possibly that promise wasn't real because perhaps you never really loved that hyena. Some form of peace has definitely come from killing him, but maybe there's more to moving on from trauma than just revenge.

So with those thoughts in mind, the words tumble out of your mouth and you wouldn't be able to stop them even if you tried.

"Around the time where Jesper was just starting in the Dregs I had gotten a boyfriend. He was... Well, he was the perfect boyfriend but looking back he was too perfect. Basically fake, he was a manipulator and he knew me like the back of his hand. He knew where to press and I was under the impression that he could do nothing wrong." You pause to take a breath but you don't look up from your spot on the floor.

"It started with the small things like little insults thrown my way, but then it grew into bigger things like calling me a slut and what not. I wasn't even surprised when he started beating me."

Your eyes slowly come off the floor and they travel up Kaz's body but never meeting his eyes. You didn't want to see the disappointment that would be held in those eyes. That was inevitable.

"Then every day it started to get worse till he-" You cut yourself off and your legs wobble underneath you and as you collapsed Kaz jetted out and caught you before you could fall.

Tears were running down your face as you gripped Kaz's shirt as he picked you up bridal style and carried you over to the bed. He place's you down and slides in beside you yet there was a good distance between the two of you. But it still gave you comfort and for the first time in a while, you didn't question why it did, you just went with it already knowing the reason why.

You loved him it was as simple as that.

"Then he-" You choked on a sob again and you bring your knees to your chest.

"You don't have to say it." He says gently nothing like what that hyena used to do to you.

"Noah used to rape me." The words come out in a blur and the tight feeling in your chest slowly falls apart and for the first time in a while, you truly feel like a Blackbird - free. Stuttering to breathe in a realization comes to your mind; Noah that monster will never hurt you ever again.

"Oh, my Saints! He's dead!" You cover your mouth with your hand and you lean back onto the headboard tears of happiness smear down your face. You don't laugh though but you feel even clearer than before. You could get used to this feeling.

Slowly you look over to Kaz and you realize the two of you were broken souls beyond repair and maybe just maybe that's what you needed. Perhaps that's what you both need, each other.

"Thank you." You whisper and the ends of Kaz's mouth curl's up a bit into what looks like is almost a smile but not quite. You would get there too one day.

===========TIME SKIP 4 Months======================

You jump from the rooftop gliding through the air and landing on the window sill of Kaz's office. You tilt your head to the side affectionately as you see The Crows getting ready for a heist only they're really just fooling around. Everyone but Kaz of course, he's in his desk chair drawing out some maps.

And they tell you you overwork! Hypocrites.

You open the window silently and you slip into the room unnoticed. You tiptoe over to Kaz's desk and you leap on top.

Kaz raises his eyebrow at you and you just shrug your shoulders, he probably had to stop anyways.

"You know there are other ways to get my attention other than acting like a child?"

"Oh, I know this is just more effective." You playfully respond.

Before Kaz could continue with the banter Jesper interject's just realizing you were here grabbing everyone's attention and placing it on you. Still not a fan of that.

"How the hell did you get from that rooftop to that window!" Jesper points outside in a slightly worried, big brother voice.

So you look him dead in the eyes and say; "I flew."

Jesper laughs along with the rest of The Crows but they stop at your deadpan look on your face.

"You didn't really?!"

"No, I didn't." You roll your eyes, "I didn't even think you knew that I did that."

Jesper comes over and wraps an arm around your shoulders and you immediately tense up.

"I do know some tricks! I am your older brother after all." His tone does get a few octaves of sombre at the end remembering the memories of how he didn't protect you before. But he's here now so you guess that's all matter's now.

You scoot off the desk out of his arm range but you do send him a sorry glance. The memories were just too much to handle sometimes. He just sends me a tiny knowing smile and nods and walk's off quietly (for the first time in his life) over to Wylan.

You watch everyone interact and it almost brings a smile to your face but something is missing and you wonder what it is.

Your question is quickly answered though as Kaz stands up beside you. His ungloved hand slowly garb's onto yours's and slowly you intertwine your fingers together.

"You really are the leader of a bunch of idiots." You say as Nina dares your brother to down a whole bucket paint.

"Yes, that's what it seems."

"But we love them." And for the first time in a while, you smile and it's not full-blown, it's tiny yet it has the whole galaxy in there.

"Yes, Yes I do." But Kaz isn't looking at The Crows he's looking at you.

Words 3517

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

[lubdubsworld]

Akrasia.

Happy Birthday To the Golden Maknae.

Here’s a little treat in lieu of Jungkook’s 24th Birthday!!!

Canon Compliant. 

Jungkook x OC

Word Count : 10K. 

Genre : Mild Angst. ( Happy'Ending) Jungkook X OC

Akrasia (noun) 

PHILOSOPHY    the state of mind in which someone acts against their better judgement through weakness of will.

 Getting involved with someone like Jungkook is a bad idea. Do you even realize who he is? How much he’s worth? He’s easily one of the richest men in the country . He’s loved by everyone.

I wrapped the coat around myself, tighter. Everything that Lee Jiae had said was true. She was a popular idol . Someone who would actually make a good match for the Jeon Jungkook.

But even Jiae balked at the idea of going anywhere near someone like him.

Career suicide, she had said firmly. That would be career suicide, Areum. He has fangirls from all over the world. Billions of them. They will dig so deep into my past, find the most innocent of things and twist and turn it and the next thing I know, I’m being kicked out of my band, out of the company and on the streets. I don’t want that. And neither should you.

I shivered a bit. No, I thought honestly. I didn’t want that either. I was far from successful, just an up and coming soloist , with a very very niche fanbase. I did sell a lot of records and I made enough money to live comfortably but I was not a mainstream celebrity. I didn’t register on people’s radar because I stayed far away from the spotlight.

There was something about social media that made it a terrifying thing to me. It was so abstract and unreal and yet…it seemed almost like a sentient being.

A powerful sentient being that could potentially destroy my whole life.

It scared me.

And while Jungkook and BTS had conquered that particular monster, had leashed and saddled the beast and made it their own personal pet…. I didn’t want anything to do with that.

I don’t want that, I told myself firmly. I really don’t want that. I want to stay this way… make music I love… read the few dozen fan handwritten fan letters I received everyday, make the occasional appearance on a magazine cover and then just quietly retreat into my studio. I want this. And if I go anywhere near Jeon Jungkook, I’ll lose this. I’ll lose all of this.

My phone buzzed and I jumped, glancing around nervously. The late October wind was cold but not biting. Winter would come but not for a while. And yet my skin chilled in apprehension. I always felt guilty, picking up one of his calls in public. It felt like I was being watched, like everyone could hear me, on the phone …Could hear who I was talking to.

“Hello.” I whispered nervously, eyes flitting around to find a secluded spot in the park. It was early in the morning, still an hour away from sunrise and I quickly hopped over a small hedgerow and moved into a wooded area, away from the main path that had the occasional cyclist or jogger.

“You didn’t come.” His voice was honey, the way it dripped into my senses and made my breath catch. And yet it was the undercurrent of disappointment that tugged at my heart. Made guilt churn inside me in rapid little currents.

“Yes. Sorry.” I said quietly, picking my way past a few bushes to a bench a little way into the woods. It was rusty and damp because no one came here , and the darkness was absolute, only faintly broken by the dim glow of the streetlights hundred yards away. I settled into the bench nonetheless.

“Areum…. Don’t do this to me.” Jungkook said brokenly and I exhaled.

“I’m not doing anything. I’m being smart. And you should be too. You’re romanticizing something that was just…it was just a conversation. We had a conversation . That’s all that happened.” I said desperately. It was something I’d told myself over an over, these past few weeks. Weeks of avoiding his texts, of ignoring his calls.

Calls from his hyungdeul.

That had given me a whole heart attack.

“You’re just going to ignore me then? Toss my feelings away like they don’t matter?” He asked quietly and my heart clenched.

“You …” I shook my head.” You need to understand something. I’m not going to do this. I can’t afford to. I told you already Jungkook…we spent one evening talking..that’s it…we’re not dating..we don’t know each other well enough for you to be saying that you have feelings for me-“

“And I told you I don’t fucking care. “ He said sharply. “ One day… One hour…who cares? I believe in soulmates. Call me foolish and dumb but I do and when I saw you I felt that. And I know you felt it too.”

My mind flashed back to that evening. It was a private birthday party for a mutual friend. Barely a dozen of us had attended and Jungkook had been sneaking glances at me all evening, completely oblivious to the ay every woman in the room had their gaze glued on him. The party hadn’t been my thing at all and I’d sneaked away to the private terrace, accessible only through a rickety old fire escape and to my utter shock he had followed me up there.

The stars had been exceptionally bright that night,  but with Jungkook sitting on the tiled roof next to me, gazing at me with all that adoration, his doe  eyes had seemed to hold more of them than the night sky.

“What do you want, Jungkook?” I asked quietly.

“I want you. I know you want me. We …we understand each other. I want the same things you do. Do you even fucking realize how rare that is? To find someone who shares the same thoughts, the same dreams as you do? Who looks at the world the way you do… I… I am not foolish enough to think that there’s another girl out there who could connect to me the way you do. You call that a conversation…just a conversation…. Did you forget what kind of a conversation it was?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks ago  

The party had barely started and I was already itching to run home. There was a particular song lyric , stuck in my head like a loop and I wanted to put it on paper as soon as possible. I had this thing where seeing something on print helped me to elaborate on an idea. Directed my train of thought in that particular direction if you willed.

Mingyu was walking around, talking to his friends and making them laugh with his witty banter but I didn’t miss the way he shot me little glances. I gave him a quick thumbs up though, to let him know I was okay. He was a childhood friend, one of the few people I’d stayed in touch with through the years. And of course, being in the same industry meant a lot of shared interests.

I moved to the side bar with the drinks and appetizers, ordering myself a diet coke before hopping onto one of the stools. I watched the dozen or so people here….His bandmates, some other idols. I recognized Yugyeom from GOT7. They were all dressed in dressy casuals : flashy shirts and tight jeans and racy little dresses and I felt out of place in my long jean skirt and tasseled leather jacket.

Sighing, I turned back to my drink when a commotion near the door made me look up.

I felt my eyes widen when I saw who it was.

The Jeon Jungkook. From BTS.

I stared at him as did pretty much every person in the room.  Jungkook was easily one of the most handsome men I’d ever seen in my life, tall and just…big. I stared at the broad shoulders, the huge arms and the taut line of his abdomen, tapering into a narrow waist and long, long legs with muscular thighs. He was wearing a black shirt, unbuttoned all the way to his chest and skinny blue jeans with black boots.

I smiled, genuinely awed. Jungkook looked every bit like the untouchable superstar he was and I considered that the party hadn’t been a waste after all. The chances of me running into someone like that in person were pretty slim.

Almost at once he was surrounded and I watched as his ears turned red, gaze shifting away and an almost soft shyness in the way he bowed politely . A hesitation to be put on the spot but also a need to stay polite , probably. Laughing a bit , I watched him some more and then his gaze lifted to mine. To my surprise, his eyes went wide in what was clearly recognition.

What.

I watched as he quickly bowed and said something to the people around him before picking his way to me. My entire body went taut with surprise.

“Lee Areum ssi…” He stuttered, eyes wide and I could only gape. “ I’m a huge fan.”

I blinked.

What.

What.

“You know who I am?” I asked , mildly horrified and he laughed nervously, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his palm across his nose before laughing a little.

“Your voice is just… something about your songs…they help me sleep when I’m too exhausted to relax.” He said softly and I felt warmth pool inside me.

“Too exhausted too sleep. That doesn’t sounf good...”

Jungkook chuckled.

“Its not. It usually happens when we’re preparing for a comeback. It different with concerts you know…we’re exhausted because we’ve been running around …singing…its all physical…mostly. And that’s easy to brush aside and sleep. But comebacks…there’s that nervousness. The worry that things may not be as good as they were. Constantly having to keep up to standards. “ He shook his head. “ it can get exhausting.”

It was something deep and oddly tragic and I was stunned that he’d shared something so… personal. To a literal stranger. But the urge to soothe..to comfort and reassure him in some way was over powering.

Instinctively, I leaned closer and lightly touched his forearm .

“But you are the standard, now, Jungkook ssi. What BTS has done, others can only dream of reaching. You’ve brought this….utopian idea that you can love yourself just the way you are… and that’s amazing. I understand the need to meet expectation but I think you’ve earned the right to sleep without being burdened by them.”

Jungkook didn’t reply, staring into my eyes and I felt my pulse kick up a notch, my eyes taking in the beautiful features and my throat went dry when his gaze dropped to where my fingers lightly brushed the soft fabric of his shirt sleeve.  

“Oppa…Let’s dance.” A shrill voice behind him made us both jump and I quickly pulled my hand away. Panicking, I turned away from him fully, ducking my head so my hair could cover my face. There was a dull roaring in my head, making it hard to hear what he was saying but a second later he moved away from the bar and I exhaled sharply.

Shaking I turned back to my drink.

Another twenty minutes of trying to avoid looking at Jungkook, I gave up. This wasn’t my kind of place at all and after a quick word with Mingyu, I moved to the small balcony in the side, desperate for some fresh air. But the moment I stepped out, my eyes fell on the rickety ladder like stairs, rusty and clearly a death trap. I quickly moved to the ledge and peered up at the roof. It was a little inclined but nothing dangerous. And there was a barricade that would break my fall, just in case I slipped.

Thrilled at the prospect of doing something that was both foolish and fancy free, I quickly, climbed on to the ladder, climbing all the way over to the top and throwing my legs over the iron railing before carefully walking overt to the center of the roof. Grinning to myself, I settled on the slightly damp tiles.

“You’re lucky the ladder didn’t break .” Jungkook’s voice made me yelp and I stared as he quickly jumped over the railing himself, grinning and wiping his hands on his thighs.

“Oh my god, people are going to find us here!” I hissed, terrified and he laughed.

“Don’t worry. I told them I’m going home.”

“You lied?” I shook my head in disbelief and Jungkook hummed.

“Did I?” He pretended to think. “ Doesn’t feel like I did.”

It took me a few seconds for the implication to sink in.

I looked away, blushing a bit.

“Did I come on too strong?” He moved to sit next to me, just a foot away.

I shook my head.

“No. I’m just.. I didn’t expect you to know me. We don’t exactly run in the same circles.”

“There’s a very cliché line in my head about how you’ve been running in circles in my head for a long time but I’ll save that for our first date.” He said with a laugh and I blushed deeper.

“Date?” I shook my head, “ That’s not funny.”

“Good. Because it wasn’t a joke. Let me take you out to dinner sometime.”

I stared at him, trying to look for the punchline because even if he denied it, it was still laughable. The mere idea of it.

“Don’t turn me down Areum ssi.” He said softly and I swallowed.

“I won’t if you take it back.” I said quietly.

He sighed.

“Then…when you sang about wanting to give love a chance…wanting to free fall for once without worrying about the rocks at the bottom of the cliff, wanting to soar into the sky without thinking of the ropes trying to tether you to the ground….were you joking?”

I gaped at him.

“that’s.. those are… Those are lines from before my debut.” I said shakily.

“Like I said… I’ve been a fan for a long time.” Jungkook whispered.

The night was magical. Cool and refreshing and the night sky was resplendent, the lack of clouds offering a stellar view of the stars and yet, I found myself drawn to the galaxies swirling in his doe eyes. The strong nose and the cherry red lips, now being worried between slightly large front teeth as he stared at me with all the nervousness of a young boy.

But he wasn’t a boy. He was a man.

And this wasn’t a love song.

This was real life.

“Free falling is fun when you don’t know what you’re falling into. But when you do know that there’s a lot of pain at the end of the fall, its not something you want to experience.”

“Areum…”

“I’m flattered.” I said quickly. “ Beyond flattered…really. But… I can’t.”

“Okay. But don’t leave. Stay here with me.. for a while. Let’s talk.” He said quickly.

Jungkook was handsome and the night was still young. This maybe the last time I would ever see him and I was honest. It was flattering, receiving attention from someone like that.

I hesitated before sighing and nodding.

“Okay…let’s talk.” I smiled, throwing caution to the winds.

And talk we did. About everything and nothing. As the night grew darker, Jungkook relaxed next to me, laughing as he shared anecdotes about his members, about his family, about his brother. And then naturally about how successful they were these days and Jungkook told me that there was always a downside to fame but he enjoyed the love he received. That he loved his fans for how they treated him and his brothers.

“Fame comes with a price but it’s a small price to pay…being loved for what I do..being accepted the way I am…it feels good.” He said quietly.

“It’s not always that way though.” I pointed out honestly. “ You guys are … I won’t say lucky because you’ve definitely worked hard but you’ve been more fortunate than the rest. Sometimes the spotlight can be a terrifying place to be.”

“you forget that we were once one of the most hated idols in the country..” He laughed. “ Trust me I know.”

“I didn’t know about you guys till you got on the Billboard. And you’re an amazing singer as well.” I said softly.

He grinned , playing with the bracelets on his wrist.

“Thank you.” He said sweetly.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds, staring up at the sky.

“I’ve never been attracted to fame.” I told him honestly.” Of course it holds its charms I suppose but I’ve always preferred the quiet of being obscure, you know. Like this secret that only a few get to learn in their lifetime.” I laughed. “ A hidden treasure maybe? Its why I started a Youtube channel instead of auditioning. Because only people who genuinely liked my music would get more of me. ” I smiled.

Jungkook hummed.

“When you first started singing your own songs on your YouTube channel? It was kind of around the same time we won our first daesang…” He smiled. “ In the MMA.”

“Oh…Really?” I asked surprised. That was nearly five years ago.

“Yeah. And till then..it was just your voice that I got to hear. You talked a bit but mostly it was just you covering someone else’s songs. And well, after we won the daesang I felt …lonely? Kind of? Scared maybe. And then you sang, ‘ White Dove’ a couple of days later and the lyrics…they just resonated with me you know. It made me feel like I knew you… Like you were a friend.”

I swallowed.

“I..thank you.” I whispered quietly, staring at my hands.

“And when you refused to sign with SM or YG. You also refused to monetize your videos on Youtube. You said your voice was your gift and you didn’t want to make money from something you’d received for free yourself. That …I loved that.”

“You’re like that too. You post your covers and songs on soundcloud for free as well.” I said quietly and he smiled.

“Like I said…we have a lot in common.” He smiled.

I smiled, shaking my head.

“I envy you.” He said quietly and I glanced at him.

“Hmm?”

“You’re just… You’re so untouched by all this. By me. It may sound incredibly narcissistic but people swoon when they see me for the first time but…you’re just you…. And that just makes me remember that you’re amazing and beautiful and you have such beautiful mind and you’re just… you’re so far out of my league. You’re so content with what you have and I wish I could be that way….But I …I can’t help but be greedy.”

“Greedy?”

“To do more. To want more. I know I should be happy that I even got to meet you . I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime in these two hours , sitting here talking to you. But I’m still greedy for more.” He stared at me with an intensity that was electric.

“More what?” I laughed.

“More of this. More of you. More of you and me together. More of us.”

“Us?” I laughed, shaking my head. “ There’s no us , Mr. Jungkook . you need to forget about that.”

“ I don’t think I can.” He said suddenly.

I felt the smile fade from my face.

“Jungkook.”

“Your song … Utopia… where you write about your idea of the perfect world. I… I loved it.” He said shakily.

“Jungkook , wait…”

“All of these days, when I listened to your songs, I would make it personal.. It would be about how those words applied to my life but with Utopia… that world you talk about …where you can be yourself, where you can sing whatever you want, be whoever you want…. When I heard that song…it became about you. About us.. I… that world you dream of.. I want to give that to you.”

My jaw dropped and I exhaled in disbelief.

“Do you realize how ridiculous that is? Your fans…our companies… Everyone will lose their minds.” I whispered, horrified.

He nodded.

“I know. I know I shouldn’t ask you this. Because it goes against my better judgement. But I can’t help. I still want to choose this. Choose you. So if there’s a word for that.. That is how I feel.”

“I.. I should go.” I said nervously, making to move but he reached out an gently gripped my wrist.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” He asked quietly and I shook my head.

“No.. I don’t.” I said quietly.

“Good. Because neither do I. But I do believe in people who can understand you better than anyone else can. Just give me a chance. One date.”

I stayed quiet staring at my feet. There was so much to consider but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him and say no. He looked so hopeful.

“I’m busy for a couple of weeks. But there’s a beautiful terrace restaurant in Itaewon that I know. We’ll have complete privacy . I’ll get my chauffeur to pick you up. No one ill know. I just want to spend some time with you over dinner and if you have a good time….. we can meet again.”

And then what?

“I…I’ll try. But I can’t promise anything.“ I said honestly.

“That’s good enough for me. Can I have your number at least?” He asked finally.

I nodded and quietly put it into his phone.

“I’ll make the reservation and send you the details. And Areum?”

I glanced up at him.

“I’ve been free falling since I met you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

“I do.” I said quietly. “ I do remember.”

“I haven’t stopped falling. I keep listening to your songs on loop… Because I can’t bear the thought of being away from you , of not being connected to you in some way…”

“You’re so .. you’re so intense.” I whispered shakily and he laughed.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. It’s just the way I am… I’m here you know. The restaurant I told you about. And my chauffeur is at your home. But he told me he couldn’t find you. It’s the middle of the night . where are you?”

I sighed.

“In the park opposite my house.”

Jungkook didn’t respond for a second.

“Do you want me to ask him to leave?” He asked quietly.

I took a deep breath.

“ Akrasia. “ I breathed out nervously.

“What…”

“its when someone makes a decision…against their better judgement.” I laughed nervously. “When we had that conversation , you asked me if there was a word for it. For acting against your better judgement. Akrasia is the word you’re looking for .”

He stayed quiet on the other end.

“Okay.” He said finally. “ Well, are you going to be akratic with me?” he said finally.

“Ask your driver to leave for now. And come meet me in my apartment tomorrow. I’ll make you dinner.”

Jungkook didn’t respond.

“That way we’ll have more privacy.” I said softly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dating Jungkook was a lot of pain. Just as I’d anticipated. It was sitting by and watching him work himself down to the bone. It was watching people throw themselves at him and not being able to say a word. To the world he was single. And the number of women who called and hounded him was unnatural.

And he worked so hard that my heart ached for him.

One night, he missed dinner and I couldn’t reach him on the phone. I stayed up , sitting on my bed, waiting.

He came back at exactly at three in the morning. He didn't turn on the light but the moonlight through the window was sufficient to let me know that he looked terrible. i watched him shrug out of his jacket, leaning against the table , long legs crossed and crisp white shirt unbuttoned. He tugged at his tie with a sort of tired , half hearted gesture and i smiled.

i watched him for sometime, seeing him shrug out of his shirt and change into a simple white t shirt. He moved with a sort of graceful strength. Like every single cell of his body had the same confidence that he did. 

It was like a dream, i realized as another dull ache of pain twisted my heart. It was like i'd slept and woken up in someone else's dream. A dream where it was okay for me to look at him and feel things for him , without fighting to convince herself that it was dangerous. That it was going to end in heartbreak.  

As i watched him prepare for bed, i wondered when I had started falling so hard.  

The sound of the door closing, made me look up , shaken out of my thoughts. Jungkook was locking the door behind him. 

When he moved to the bed, i decided to let him know that i was awake. 

"You're back?" i said softly. 

He hesitated, clearly startled , before smiling at me. It was a weak smile, one that practically screamed exhaustion and i sat up straighter,  watching as he moved to me side and gently stroked me hair. 

"Why aren't you asleep?" He smiled. 

"I was waiting for you." i said honestly holding my hand out and he took it, kissing it obediently. 

"you'll have to wait longer, I'm afraid. I have a meeting tomorrow morning with PDnim and I still haven't prepped for it. I need to get an hour's sleep and get back to work. " Up close he looked so tired that i felt my heart clench in panic. 

"You don't look good." i said, alarmed as i realized that his skin had a distinctively grayish tinge to it.

"Comeback times are always that way. Never good for my health." He said teasingly. He checked his phone messages before turning to me and smiling.  

"I see you've been cutting back on the pain killers... are you feeling better than?" He asked. I’d been down with some menstrual cramps earlier and I was touched that he remembered, even in the mess of his schedule.

"I wish you wouldn't change the topic everytime I try to show concern for you."  i said , a little bit annoyed. He grinned and touched my cheek with his forefinger. 

"Just the fact that you are concerned is enough for me . anything more and I might die of happiness. you don't want that do you?" He winked. 

Deciding that it was impossible to talk with the man, i asked him if he wanted something to drink. 

He shook his head and climbed in next to me but before laying down, he turned to me. 

He hesitated. 

"Will you lend me your shoulder for the night?" He said softly , placing his hand there. 

i sighed as he leaned against me . His skin felt warm against me, his hair lightly tickling me cheekbones and i threaded me finger through the silky strands. 

In just a few seconds, he was fast asleep. 

I stayed awake, watching the room grow steadily brighter, the weak winter sun gently finding its way into the room , much like the way the man in my arms was gently finding his way into my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"We should get a house, don't you think?" i said two months later, sitting up in bed , eating dinner while i watched him work on his files. He'd placed the desk in the far corner of the room, giving me the perfect view. And i was beginning to enjoy it a lot more than the one i could see out the window. 

" A house? " Jungkook stopped and looked up. " You want to live with me ? Just the two of us?" He smiled.

Well, when he put it that way. I balked and ducked my head. 

"It's too soon isn't it..I'm sorry I don't know why I..."

"What kind of a house would you prefer? Flat? Penthouse? Apartment? Duplex? Tell me....I'll get you the listings and you can pick out the ones you like . When you get better we can go pick one out." He grinned at me and i relaxed against the pillows , while he went back to his files. 

"I read something online…” i said casually . He didn't look up, merely humming to acknowledge that he'd heard me. 

"Did you date Lee Hyeri ?" i finally said. He stopped and looked at me. 

"Yes. Many months ago. I broke up with her because I wasn’t feeling anything serious and I didn’t want to lead her one. She didn’t take it very well. ." He said softly, moving towards the bed and sitting on the edge. As was his habit, he reached for my hand, holding it in his and tracing circles with his thumb.

“She called me.” I said quietly and he stiffened.

“Shit.”

I laughed.

“She wanted to meet me . Wanted to talk about something although I have an idea what. I’m not going to indulge her though.”

“If she calls again, you should tell her that her obsession is bordering on stalking and I’m on the verge of getting a restraining order. She turned up at my studio too. Went on an on about how I broke her heart and cheated on her . ”

 i hesitated , looking away from him and smiling. 

"I don't know . Should I?" i shook my head. i hesitated, pulling my hand away from him. "What else did she say?" i said suddenly, remembering how angry she had sounded on the phone.

"Nothing, you need to worry about. Are you done with this? Shall I clean it up?" He reached for my dinner tray and i grabbed his wrist. 

"where are you going?  You should tell me what she said." i protested, but he gently pried my fingers off before dropping a kiss on me forehead .

"And You should tell me when you're going to start staying over at my apartment.. It's going to snow in a few days. Or so they say. I thought you might like to enjoy the first snow with me..." He smiled . 

I took the subtle hint to drop the subject.

"You're being too wonderful. It makes my heart ache." i snuggled into my bed and pouted at him. He laughed at that. 

"Take rest. I have a meeting right now. I'll be back late so you should sleep." 

I watched him leave, feeling oddly bereft. I was growing to love him deeply.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As with every couple in the world, our fights were often over the silliest things.

"You're still angry." I said casually, watching him work on his documents, the low burning desk light setting his features in sharp relief. He looked at me for a second and shook his head.

"I'm not angry , Areum. I'm busy. There is a difference." He said with a sigh, rubbing the heel of his palm into his eye. I watched the gesture and sat up straighter in bed, leaning over the side to stare at the clock there. It read 1.15 Am.

"It's snowing." I said softly, getting one my knees and peering out the windows. Through the haze of moonlight, I watched the small flakes drift down over the neatly cut hedgerows, making each segment of the garden look like neat cut slices of cake with vanilla cream frosting. I grinned at the little wisps of cotton white snow, clinging to each little branch on the trees and felt my heart swell with joy. 

"I suppose you're too busy to make good on your promise." I said naughtily, peering over my shoulder to glance at him. 

"Promise?"

"That you'll walk with me , in the first snow." I said, turning around and getting out of bed, slipping my feet into my fur slippers. I watched him fight with himself , the emotions warring across his handsome face and held my breath.

finally he sighed and stood up. I tried to keep the triumphant grin off my face and failed miserably. I felt awful, because deep down I had known that no matter how angry or upset he was, Jungkook would never break a promise. And I'd worded my request that way, just to take advantage of that little chink of honor that he always lived by. 

"Alright then. Let's go take a walk in the first snow." He said softly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You love snow."

"How did you know that?" I said surprised, lightly grabbing the low lying branch till it showered both of us with soft white flakes. 

"You make these little sounds , everytime you see  snow. I've noticed it from the time we met." Jungkook grinned . 

I laughed and turned away. I felt like I was standing in the middle of a fairytale, the white landscape making me feel like some exotic Ice Queen. I walked ahead of him, running a few steps till I was about ten feet ahead of him. I turned around, facing him as I walked backwards. He laughed at that. 

"Be careful. The snow looks soft but the fall will hurt." He warned me, putting his hands in his pockets and narrowing his shoulders to fight the chill. I smiled and shook my head.

"I want to look at you and make sure that you're not angry with me anymore." I said, enjoying the way he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm not angry. I told you that."

"Yes. You did. But i didn't tell you I'm sorry, did I?" I said softly, stopping in my tracks and watching as he drew closer. Jungkook gave me a curious glance, walking slowly till he was just in front of me.

"I'm sorry I said I'll leave you." I said honestly. He looked surprised but smiled nonetheless.

"Duly noted." He bowed his head, tipping an imaginary hat at me. Smiling, I turned around I ran a few more steps and instinctively knelt on the ground

"Don't ." He said suddenly. 

I  looked up from where I was gathering a handful of snow. I gave him an innocent smile. 

"What?" 

"I know what you're thinking. don't do it." He said, taking a step back. I felt a thrill of anticipation shoot through me, realizing that the big bad wolf was actually scared of being hit by a snowball. 

"You should know why I like snow so much.." I grinned with mischief and he gave me a look of disbelief.

"I don't think you can hit me. You're forgetting that i'm an expert at taekwondo.”

I held my hand up and threw , cursing when he casually stepped out of the way, laughing at the look on my face. 

"You have to concentrate on what you're doing. Anticipate my next move and react accordingly." He advised, bending down to get some snow for himself. 

"React to this!!" I grabbed two handfuls of snow and ran straight at him, grinning as I leapt on him.

We landed on the snow, Jungkook  on his back and I right on top of him, laughing as I smeared the snow on his face. He spluttered in disbelief and swiftly, threw his weight over, pinning me to the ground and straddling me, fingers swiftly grabbing my wrists and pushing my hands over my head, leaving me vulnerable and helpless, as he shook his head , showering me with ice cold flakes. 

I squeaked in surprise and he laughed hard.

Watching him laugh, full and open , I realized that I'd never watched him laugh that way before.

He looked exhilarated. 

Yanking my hand out of his grasp, I grabbed his collar, pulling him down for a kiss. 

the first touch of his lips to mine, felt like the sweetest, coolest sip of crystal waters after a lifelong thirst . 

I sank into the snow, sighing into the sweetness and the gentle pressure of his lips against me, the first touch of his tongue, making heat seep through my body, despite the cold. I curled my fingers into the fur near his neck, smiling into the kiss as he slipped one hand into my hair, gently tilting my head for better access. 

He kissed me softly. He kissed me deeply.

He kissed me like that was what he'd been put on the earth to do. 

But mostly he kissed me like that was all he wanted .

It was so absurdly romantic that I wanted to laugh .

I could catch whiffs of his scent, even though my eyes were watering and mey nose felt like it was running. Some elusive cologne mixed with the scent of  clean male skin . It made me heat up in ways that curled my toes in my fur boots. Each little kiss lasted a little longer than the one before, till I was certain that I was going to melt into the snow. And each little breath felt like a little wisp of my soul leaving my body and mingling with his. 

We kissed and kissed and kissed, while the snow fell in white flakes around us .

First Snow. first kiss, I thought happily. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After our little episode in the garden, I found that I felt something akin to desperation everytime I came in contact with Jungkook.

It's not that I woke up one day and realized that something had changed in the way I watched Jungkook.

. That my eyes lingered, not just on his face but on the curve of his lips, the edge of his jaw, the exposed skin of his neck. My fingers wanted to reach out and  grip, not just the strength of his shoulders and the slender digits of his hand but also his lean waist.

I began losing my mind, slowly and painfully. Suffocating when Jungkook got too close , choking when he went away too far.

As they spent time together, Jungkook began touching me.

. Not too often and never in an intrusive way , but every time his fingers traced the back of my palm or brushed back my hair, my  throat went dry and my heart stopped pumping blood and I felt like like a fool because I had no idea if Jungkook felt half of what I was feeling.

In fact I was certain that Jungkook didn’t feel anything at all.

What I was feeling was painful and confusing and if Jungkook felt any of it, he would be running as far away from me as possible, not moving closer and closer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why are you so nervous?” Jungkook laughed and I bit my nails nervously, glancing around the reception hesitantly. The workers were all busy, no one spared us so much as a glance but I couldn’t help but feel terrified.

“It’s only us here? For the whole weekend? No one else?” I asked again for the hundredth time.

Jungkook groaned, shaking his head and ignoring me, holding his hand out for the keys to our cottage. I yelped a bit when he began walking away without waiting for me, running to keep up with his long strides.

“Sorry…I just don’t want you to get in trouble.” I said quietly, slipping my hand into his, linking our fingers together and smiling a little.

He squeezed my hand gently before pulling away to wrap me in a one armed huge, pressing a kiss to my neck.

“I booked the entire resort for the weekend. The staff have all signed a confidentiality agreement. No one is going to know we’re here. You can be as loud as you want.” He whispered and I yelped, hitting his chest,” let me finish….” He laughed. “ When you yell at me. You can be as loud as you want when you yell at me.”

“You’re a terrible person.” I whispered , burying my face into his arm in mortification.

Jungkook merely laughed .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You seem tense." He said that evening, as the pair of us sat on the back deck , glasses of bubble tea in hand , watching the waves break out on the rocks. Slow but persistent , gradually breaking the rock's resistance and carving its way into its heart.

"Can we ever …truly be relaxed ?" I asked , a little bit of desperation in my tone. Jungkook didn’t turn to look at me . Instead he took a picture of the rocks and the sea with his phone.

"That's a pretty loaded question. With a lot of answers."

I stared  at him, wondering why I was more confused now than before.

"Sometimes I can't understand you at all." I said quietly, shaking my head.

“Do you understand that I love you?” He said softly.

I hesitated before nodding.

“That’s the only thing that matters to me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The boys dropped by for a visit the next day.

I sat down on the open deck, opposite Namjoon for a game of chess. Jungkook slid into the armchair next to me.

"Are you winning?" Jungkook asked quietly and I shot  him a glare, which gets a smile in return promptly. It was like he always knew what to say , how to manipulate my thoughts and emotions, how to make me look and feel a certain way , just so he could steal that part of mr away.

How evil.

At first I didn’t  notice that he was sitting a bit too close for comfort, because as such, we've lived on top of each other for quite a while now. But after a while I became  aware of the warmth of his thigh, solid and strong against my own, evident even through the layers of jean separating them.

I  tried to move away, surreptitiously, but Jungkook only moved closer.

"Try this."

His fingers fluttered over my thigh, intentionally or not I would never know, reaching for my queen and I tried not to jump out of my skin, gritting my teeth as my muscles stiffened, my nerves tingling like electric.

I licked my lips and Jungkook’s  eyes flickered up at the movement, a gentle smile tugging at his lips and my gut clenched in embarrassment. But the brunette moved even closer, his bare arm now brushing against mine  and I had to swallow the desperate urge to get up and just run.

"Well, this is entertaining." Namjoon said suddenly and i looks at my opponent for the first time since Jungkook’s  arrival. Namjoon was leaning back in his armchair, amusement shining out of his eyes .

I scrambled  in a bid to put space between Jungkook and I and failed miserably.

"He's just helping me with chess." I said desperately.

"Oh, is that what they call it these days?" Namjoon leaned forward looking very intrigued.

Jungkook reached out and clonked him on the head but his eyes were laughing and I wondered how this was going to end. I wanted it. Wanted to take that final step with Jungkook but I was also so , so scared.

Would it change things. For the better? For worse?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook, I soon realized, took the way I was shying away from him , as some sort of a twisted challenge to get closer than ever. The more I moved away, the closer Jungkook gets , touching me in gentle intimate little touches and every time he did,  a slow simmering fire started at the pit of my stomach, reaching out in gentle upward licks , drying my throat and turning my insides into molten goo.

She's almost tempted to ask Jungkook if he feels the same way but she's saved the trouble later that week.

"I want you."

I froze on the spot, fingers stopping in mid air, inches from picking up a slice of apple, neatly placed on the tray. We were in the dining room,  Jungkook sitting with a set of files spread out in front of him and me with a knife and a few uncut apples in a basket.

"You..what?" I squeaked.

" I'm attracted to you and I really want to have sex with you." Jungkook said  , almost carefully.

Like he was announcing the weather. Like his words weren’t carefully calculated to turn my world upside down.

"Alright. " I whispered, not even sure what else I could say to that.

I stole a glance at Jungkook who was grinning from ear to ear. I felt blush rushing up my body, the blood flooding my face so quick it made me dizzy..

"Don't .. Don't look at me like that." I whispered, mortified to sound like a sixteen year old girl.

"Do you want me to leave now?" Jungkook reached out , placing a soft hand on my palm and it took all my  willpower not to grab Jungkook and hug him. Instead I managed a weak smile. My mind was a few seconds away from collapsing in on itself and I was too stunnedto think straight.

So I answered the question at face value.

"No, I don't want you to leave now. "

"Okay. Go ahead, eat your fruit. It's good for you."

Jungkook smiled again, serene and perfectly at peace with the world.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At eleven thirty on Saturday night, both Jungkook and I sneaked out of the hotel, arms laden with our picnic basket and coats draped over our shoulders. Once we reached  large pond in the outer edge of the property, Jungkook made quick work of the blanket, spreading it out on the artificial lawn that surrounded it.

I settled down on it, reaching out and dipping my legs in the water. It's a bit chilly but only for a second. I wriggled my toes playfully and Jungkook slipped a bit closer to me, letting his foot sink in next to mine.

We played around for a while, splashing water on each other and then I pulled my legs out.

"You okay?" Jungkook asked softly and I turned around to stare at him , a little apprehensive. There are so many things wrong with this , a part of me screams. But there's a part of me that longs, so badly , for this simplicity. Longs and has longed, all my life. Just this, the chance to relax and be myself and play around with water in the moonlight.

"I'm not sure." I admitted, honestly.

"Tell me. " Jungkook said and for once his voice isn't relaxed. Instead it's a bit urgent and anxious.

"We're not... I’m so scared that we'll never make it, you know." I sighed, dipping my legs back into the water, just as Jungkook pulled his out.

"Why? Because of the media ?" There’s a hint of bitterness in his voice and I hated myself for bringing this up. We were supposed to be spending time together, enjoying each other’s company. I wasn’t sup[posed to be ruining the mood like this.

"It's nothing. I just.. I don't want you to get hurt." I said honestly.

"Because of you? Because I'm with you?" Jungkook's voice was lot softer now, the bitterness replaced by concern.

"I.. Yes.. I mean... I'm.."

"You're a gorgeous young woman who is intelligent and charming. Why would I ever give you up?" Jungkook asked, reaching out and wrapping an arm around my shoulder but I couldn’t help but sigh.

"That's.. that's not what everyone else thinks." I reminded him. “ And that not what they’ll say, if you ever tell them the truth about us.”

"No it isn't. And I won't say something stupid like , it doesn't matter what others think. Because it does, I know it does. And it's going to hurt. In fact I think it would hurt you a lot more than it would hurt me. But if I don't... If I don't take a chance with us... that's going to hurt me too. So its a choice. I can either  choose to get hurt by people I don't give a damn about , and in return I get... get to be with someone I really...like…..

"Or, I give up the woman I love and get hurt by my own decision. " Jungkook finished.

"We hurt either way." I smiled bitterly, Jungkook's words making a lot of sense.

"Yes. All you need to choose is , what's worth the hurt? Being with me, or society's approval?" Jungkook leaned forward slightly and I blinked.

We stayed that way staring at each other for a second and then he pulled away and sighed deeply.

"I've already chosen, I. I'm not pushing you, but I hope you'll pick me." He said quietly.

I stared into the night, thoughtfully. So easy, I told myself. So easy to turn around right now and kiss Jungkook, tell him that I didn’t deserve so much happiness. That my heart was so light, I wanted to spout wings and fly.

So easy but so frightening.

The wind picked up somewhere and somehow a draught found its way inside and I shivered a little, only to have a warm blanket wrapped around my shoulder. Jungkook snuggled in with me and we huddled together

My thoughts tripped over each other  and I wanted to run away but I stayed still, letting the gentle lap of the water against my toe, calm my inner turmoil.

"It's just you and me." Jungkook whispered, " Right now. Just you and me. Let's pretend we're the only ones on the planet."

I turned around to the brunette in surprise but Jungkook's looking out into the water, lit by a full moon from the skylight.

"Just you and me. " He said absently and I nodded, looping my fingers with Jungkook's. We sat in silence, pressed against each other and I waited till the moon slipped behind a cloud before turning around, slightly, and pressing my lips against Jungkook's.

It's soft and very short, over before it even begins and Jungkook smiled into the kiss.

  Explicit Content : 

       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook teasingly pushes her back and Areum falls back against the soft mattress, like she's been shoved. She melts into the kiss and then Jungkook’s lips move away, dragging his teeth and tongue over the exposed expanse of her neck, lightly sucking and biting and then soothing with his tongue. Areum gasps and struggles and fights for air, before dragging their lips together again.

Jungkook kisses her until she's splayed flat against the bed, eyes wide and lost and lips parted, blush staining her cheeks and then Jungkook's reaching out to the table and pulling his camera , snapping a picture.

"You're such a weirdo!" Areum laughs , too turned on to be annoyed.

"No, just a man. A man in love." Jungkook leans down, pushing his hips down into hers and she gasps at the friction. They make quick work of their jeans and suddenly its skin on skin and she's not sure if she's doing this right.

"Jungkook.. I..I.."

"Hey, relax. I got you." Jungkook holds her close, just holding her, cradling her almost and the familiar words smooth away her apprehensions and he's moving closer, trying to pull more sounds out of her, his lips tracing the line of her chest, tongue swirling around one nipple before moving down and down, dipping lightly into her belly button.

And then the camera is tossed to the side, Jungkook flipping them over with ease , his lips moving down , tongue dipping into the curve of her waist down and then further down , lightly licking at the sensitive bundle of nerves near her center and Areum's pretty certain she loses her mind at that point.

"You're amazing." He whispers, and she nearly flies off the bed when Jungkook slides a single digit in, slowly , so slowly. She’s wet and ready but her body is still stuck in auto pilot and she wants to close her legs instinctively.

"Relax for me." Jungkook whispers, lips close to her ear, licking and teasing .

"I'll make it good. Just relax for me." Jungkook says again,  gently, lapping at her neck and Areum unclenches her thighs letting him work his way in, sighing when the slide becomes a little more easy and a little more familiar.

"So beautiful." Jungkook whispers and Areum laughs, shaking her head.

"It's dark, you can't even see-"

"I can’t see but I can feel you. i can feel you and you’re so fucking gorgeous." He slips another finger in and curls his fingers against the walls of her insides and the gentle press of the pad of his finger is too much and not enough , all at once. Her head falls back into the pillow, all coherency leaving her body in a single whoosh of breath.

"Look at me. Only me." She whispers when Jungkook thrusts into her for the first time and Jungkook nods shakily and he pushes in, leaving her trembling at the ache and the pain and wanting to cry out, but she swallows it all down because she knows it’s going to get better .

"Don't wander off. " Areum whispers, pulling him down for a kiss and Jungkook pushes in deeper, earning a gasp. He wishes he could explain, that he can't ever think of anything but her because she is the perfect dream.

“I love this. I love you. “ she whispered and he had to physically restrain himself from burying himself to the hilt inside her. Her body was still getting used to him. He didn’t want to hurt her but God, she felt so amazing around him. the heat and wetness driving him crazy in a way that couldn’t be explained.

“Hold me tight.”

And she did.

With her arms and her legs and her body and her.....everything.

When she clenched around him, his mind went blissfully blank, her orgasm hitting him like an earth shattering, bone melting , heart stopping explosion of bliss.  

He fell against her, careful not to crush her with his weight and rolled to the side gathering her close.

Someday he would hurt her, he was sure of it. He was an idiot after all and he knew he would find a way to muck this up and ruin it for them but for now, he wasn’t going to think about any of that.

For now, he was going to enjoy the intimacy of making love to the woman he loved.

 Author’s Note : Hope you guys liked it! it was supposed to be very angsty but its really not lol....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[cuntess-carmilla]

would you or any of your followers be able to describe chronic fatigue when it's mild for you, and how it feels when it's making thinking difficult? i'm trying to figure some things out but i hesitate to draw any conclusions because i might just be tired. yoir fatigue post had me thinking (ive never claimed to have chronic fatigue, im sorry people are throwing that term around in harmful ways)

Sure! I was actually worried of invalidating people who have very real chronic fatigue but whose cases are milder or more moderate instead of severe, which is why I added that it doesn't disable everyone who suffers from it to the same degree and some chronic fatigue sufferers can lead a normal-ish life.

When my fatigue is moderate, I can go out on my own using public transport, I can maybe run a couple of errands, I can think more clearly and I don't get tachycardia from mild physical effort (I have a tachycardia condition specifically so don't necessarily look for tachycardia symptoms in your case to see if you have chronic fatigue or not).

However, even if I can do all of that many days a week, by the end of the week I end up exhausted to my bones and I spend the whole weekend recovering, usually staying in my pajamas the whole weekend without showering unless I'm forced to leave the house. I might have started that week's Monday okay-ish, but by Thursday I'm starting to run on fumes, and I often have to spend all of my free time resting, so no going out unless it's something I REALLY want and I do it knowing it'll come back to bite me in the ass, no hobbies or anything that demands too much mental energy.

When my fatigue is mild to moderate, I still have to be extremely protective of my energy reserves to keep some energies saved for emergencies, caring for my body and attending my responsibilities. If I'm under more pressure than usual (such as finals season when I was studying) I get VERY irritable, volatile, and prone to meltdowns. That's pretty much what got me misdiagnosed as bipolar.

Now, when it's from moderate to severe-ish... While the milder form of chronic fatigue is still disabling and it SUCKS, more severe chronic fatigue is a different beast. The worst cases are of people who're completely bedridden and have to stay in a completely dark room with ear defenders to avoid migraines and other forms of pain.

Personally, when mine gets severe, I'm semi-bedridden; I sleep for up to 12 hours and still wake up more exhausted than when I went to bed, it takes me at least 5 hours to be able to get out of bed after waking up and it's often only because I'm about to wet my bed and I need to drag myself to pee immediately (sometimes after that I still go back to bed for a couple more hours though), and then I stay completely still sitting in one place while I'm not in bed and do NOT go up the stairs until I go back to sleep.

I do get cognitive dysfunction/brain fog when my chronic fatigue is milder, but when it's more severe it's so bad that I've had to pull a calculator to do 2+2. My grammar in both of the languages I speak goes to shit to the point of incoherence. And I start getting the fucking migraines, with the included extreme sensitivity to light and sound and visual disturbances (aura), a sensory sensitivity that feels very different from autistic sensory overload. My chronic pain gets so bad that I get suicidal from it alone.

When my fatigue is at its most severe, if anything forces me to exert myself in any way, I end up crying while doing it because I genuinely feel like Death. It feels like watching my life passing me by and like I'm dead but trapped in my decaying body that refuses to properly die alongside me.

[belit0]

Hey, can you write Indra + size kink + cockworship + nasty cum stuff ?? Sorry, i'm hungry for that man

Sorry this took me SO FUCKING LONG omfg

No need to be sorry, I’m as hungry as you. I haven’t written smut in a while, so bear with me, I’m getting back at it:,(

Tw: Indra knows nothing about communication

When Indra enters the house, the sun has already set. He looks drained, tired. It’s been days since he started wearing his hair loose, devoid of his usual ponytail, and it only helps to make him look more massive than he is.

His steps are heavy as he heads to the bedroom, and when he looks at you with those expressionless serious eyes, you know he won’t be eating dinner today either. That’s okay, you’re not used to spending time together as a normal couple anyway, and you know you’d feel weird if he actually sat down with you and joined you for a meal.

His form disappears down the corridor and you know he has found the way to bed, seeking comfort from the adversities of the day. His shadow is dragged across the walls by the candlelight, and for a moment, it looks like the demon everyone says he is.

But of course, you know better than to believe those ridiculous tales.

It’s been months since this man appeared in your village, a place led by a poor wretch who was trying his best to get his people ahead. Only a few enjoyed good fortune, privilege, and wealth, and you were not one of them. Life before Indra, here, was based on working hard for pennies, finding food wherever possible, wearing the same clothes repeatedly for lack of more garments. Poverty was rampant among almost the entire village population, and despite the leader’s best efforts, nothing seemed to work for the betterment of the situation.

But a mysterious man with long hair and thick shoulders, tattooed eyes, impressive physique compared to the famine-stricken people... left everyone captivated. With just a couple of suggestions and commands, things turned around, and the outlook brightened for everybody. This mysterious man quickly rose in the hierarchical power of the village, and the current leader ended up giving up his place.

Indra became their ruler overnight, and hopes for the future of the town seemed to grow stronger and stronger again.

Town expansion was inevitable, welcoming visitors and travelers intrigued by the legends of this man who brought fortune to a doomed place. Enemies were also unavoidable. The Otsutsuki defended and used all his power to prevent the destruction of the foundations he had built with so much effort, leaving everyone terrified in his steps.

His red eyes became stories used by mothers to frighten disobedient children, his violet beast traveled on the tongues of all the merchants and their incessant rumors.

Respect mingled with fear, yet Indra never wavered.

He looked imposing as he walked the streets of the town, staring at nothing in particular, an expression forged by iron and ice. His towering figure seemed to cast a gigantic shadow over every other man nearby, and all the women were dying to take the vacant place at his side.

Everyone thought as he became leader he would choose one of the few wealthy ladies of the village as his wife, but he did not.

It was months after his ascension to power before he communicated with a woman. And that turned out to be you.

Although the village prospered and grew bigger every day, your life remained the same, complicated. Money was scarce as well as food, and working hard every morning was necessary if you wanted to get a crumb of bread.

You tended the garden of a prosperous family, kneeling in the morning dew, your clothes covered in dirt from the work you had started just a few minutes ago.

Footsteps in front of you broke your concentration, and when you looked up, a tall figure was staring down at you. A flowing robe floated in the wind, and that frown was visible even from the floor. Indra was intimidating without uttering a word.

“You look thoroughly filthy.” He had said. “I’m sorry, my lord.” You had replied, bowing your head in respect.

You did not finish that day’s work, for offering you a wide hand, Indra Otsutsuki himself lifted you from the dirt and escorted you to get a fresh change of clothes. Not one of the worn-out ones you used to wear, but an expensive one, of excellent quality, full of exquisite details. A garment of high society, one of the kind he himself usually wore.

From that moment on, he did not leave your side. It was only a matter of time before you moved into his residence, an immense house in the middle of town. You became the envy of all women, no one being able to understand how their leader could choose a servant girl as his partner.

And despite the fear you felt towards him at first, although his haughty looks seemed to be empty initially, you eventually grew to understand him. Dread turned into respect, affection, love.

After all, he saved you from that life of misery to give you one of luxury and privilege, asking for nothing in return. Even though you slept in the same bed every night, he never touched a single hair on your head, never came near you, never took the initiative you feared he may take.

“Why me?” you asked once, the blush on your face shielded by nighttime darkness inside the room. A large space lay between you both on the bed, and Indra, while you couldn’t see him, probably had his back to you. “You are the prettiest.” He replied simply, and you caught a note of amusement in his voice.

During the day it was rare for you to see him, but at sunset, you would both be in the bedroom. No lustful touches in the middle were necessary to make the night complete, for the silences which at first were awkward eventually were filled with chatter.

That intimidating look, that wide-backed warrior with blood-colored eyes, became a companion, a pleasant person to spend time with. Never smiled, never laughed, but you know he is calm, that he enjoys the moment as much as you do. You’ve seen him interact with other people, how his muscles tense when someone is way too close for his comfort, how his brow furrows when anyone speaks to him. You know you’re the only person he tolerates, appreciates, and loves around him.

That’s why seeing him arrive like this is something uncomfortable in your chest. Slowly following in his footsteps, you find his clothes lost all the way back to the room. You pick up garment by garment, and there is a certain satisfaction as you smell his clothes and feel his perfume. As you reach the doorway, he is already tucked into bed, buried under sheets. One of his arms supports his head and acts as a pillow while his other hand scratches his chest, which is slightly uncovered. One of his legs is bent, and covers slip off his skin, revealing a thigh and worked muscles. His eyes are closed, but he knows you are there.

Leaving his clothing on a chair, you approach him and sit on the edge of the bed, hands clasped in your lap. Rarely have you seen this scene, where he relaxes with all his rights in his own bed. Sex has never been addressed between the two of you, and it’s something you’re grateful for. Rumors travel faster than the wind, and many a woman has walked around claiming to have spent time in the bed of the mighty Indra. Whether that’s true, you don’t know, and you’ve never asked either.

If true, your experience is undoubtedly unparalleled.

Still, seeing him like this, becoming one with the bed and stretching out, getting a taste of his toned chest and his thick thigh... Curiosity suddenly demands more.

“You’re staring.” His eyes are still closed, but to be put on display is still just as humiliating. “I’m sorry...” You’re not sure if get up and leave at that moment, but it’s his voice that clears the uncertainty. “Why? I’m your partner, naturally.”

It feels like confirmation of your actions, and you become brave all at once.

“Can I help you... To feel better?....” Your voice is full of hesitation, yet one end of his lips lifts, revealing a wickedly tinged smirk.

“Be my guest.”

Climbing on top of him, your hands tremble with anxiety and anticipation. His eyes flutter open and he watches you intently, analyzing where your actions lead. The man really is huge, and being partially on top of him, the size difference is even greater. Indra seems to rejoice in your stupor, picking up on your intentions and stirring the sheets covering him as you settle between his legs.

Whatever nervousness you felt about what was to come only grows worse at the sight of his size, as even half-hard, his cock’s intimidatingly enormous length.

“Already frightened?” The teasing tone sliding across his tongue fills you with new determination, and with both hands, you hold his shaft. One at the base and one at the head. Your tongue timidly explores that unfamiliar surface, feeling in your grip how hardness invades his dick second after second.

Your lips wrap carefully around it, and pushing gently, inch by inch, his length finds its way into the pleasantly warm depths of your mouth. One of your hands slowly slides down, dragging skin in its wake.

Fixing your eyes on Indra while trying to deal with the raw, inexperienced situation and size, you notice impatience and need, lust swimming in red eyes dominates his expression.

From an instant to the next, your shoulders are enveloped by two gigantic hands, and position is turned around, a vast body hovering over you and trapping you underneath it.

“You teasing little fucker...”

Being handled like that awakens something on the inside that you rarely felt before, some sort of tingling urgently needing to be soothed. A broad palm grasps your chin, which moves your face in the direction Indra desires as he suddenly engulfed your lips.

You have never kissed this man before, and to be making out with him for the first time in these circumstances should feel wrong... but it only builds up more sensations in your lower belly, a treacherous emptiness, and an almost unfamiliar fire.

Your hands awkwardly find his back, and the need to press him against your face, to demand more, to extract more from those luscious lips is interesting. There is no more distance to close between the two of you, but you want to crush yourself against his labored chest until becoming one.

The moment ends quickly as you gasp for air, and trying to recover, a sultry Indra, who grins viciously seductive overpowers your gaze.

“I’ll introduce you to a thing or two...”

Before you comprehend what his words mean, the position changes again, and his two knees are one on either side of your head. He looks even more terrifying from this angle than in everyday life, and you don’t venture to peek at his dick. Two of his fingers slide across your lower lip, caressing your cheek, and suddenly squeeze your face harshly. Your mouth is forced open, but when his cock slides over your tongue and you understand the functionality of the pose, you ease back.

Your lack of experience was driving him crazy, and rather than loosening him up, you were upsetting him further. Managing the matter with his own hands, or rather with his own hips, Indra finds peace again.

Rising to height, one of his palms cradles your face, while the other supports himself against the wall. You try to find stability by holding onto his thighs, and as he buries himself lower in your mouth, sensations in your body become almost unbearable, coupled with his movements.

Indra is kind at first, gradually pushing into your inexperienced cavity slowly, closing his eyes tightly and fighting the urge to destroy your mouth.

Yet when your jaw relaxes completely, grasping the rhythm and feel of the situation, he lets go. The beast is finally released, and the Otsutsuki fucks your lips with abandon, hitting the end of your throat with each thrust. His hips move with agility, and imagining him between your legs with the same surrender and strength makes you hold on.

Tears decorate your cheeks and eyelashes, blending with the saliva dripping from your mouth every time that cock lunges at your face. Indra becomes completely abstracted, tilting his head back as deep growls rise from deep within his chest.

When air is inevitably needed and you can no longer avoid gagging, you repeatedly slap his thighs, drawing his attention. He leans his forehead against the wall and holds your face with both hands, withdrawing his dick from your throat and catching his breath with difficulty. His gaze is fixed on you, and although you could probably look better, you feel really appreciated under those red eyes.

The fluids from your mouth completely soaked your chest and cheeks, your clothes are soaked, and at the sight, the Otsutsuki slides his fingers across your wet skin, then strokes his shaft twice.

When you catch your breath, you place a kiss on the head which has been hitting the back of your throat for minutes, showing he may continue.

Without a second thought, he burrows deeply into your mouth, reaching a depth he hadn’t hit before. The grunt he exhales makes your skin crawl, and you really want to see him enjoy you like this for the rest of your life.

He gives you time to breathe again, and his thrusts become more shallow, seeking more contact with the softness of your tongue and the warmth of your cheeks. It isn’t long before his length is completely out of your cavity and he works it rapidly, seeking the longed-for finish. You’re not sure what you should do, so you simply watch him, amazed at the size of his hands.

After a few seconds, several white shots paint your face, staining your hair and chest, leaving practically nowhere without even a drop. It’s unexpected, but satisfying.