#like i do consume a small amount of media (though I still NEVER understand references ghghg) and I guess I just get used to doing

[icewindandboringhorror]

 a mood

[everlarkficexchange]

On the Hunt

Author: @hutchhitched

Prompt 39: Katniss has been bumping into the same stranger (Peeta) for months. When they get stuck in an unfortunate situation together, she decides to be the first to say hello. [submitted by @eiramrelyat / @taylerwrites]

Ratings/Warnings: T

The first time Katniss sees him, he takes her breath away. It’s from afar. He probably doesn’t even catch a glimpse of her, but her whole world tilts off its axis.

She’s not sure why he stands out to her. There’s nothing particularly unique about him. He’s not short or tall or big or small. He’s not drop-dead gorgeous or ugly like a troll. He doesn’t move like an athlete or sparkle with the magic of a performer. He appears normal in every sense of the word, but that doesn’t mean she can’t see how special he really is. At least she thinks he might be—if she had a chance to actually speak to him.

That doesn’t happen, though. She’s too far away when she sees him picking up a loaf of bread, and she can’t seem to move once he’s left her line of sight. She stays frozen in the freezer section (the irony!) for several minutes. Hopefully, everyone else thinks she’s considering her options in breakfast burritos, but she’s actually involved in an out of body experience that follows the young man from the back of the store to the registers, out the door, and into the parking lot where he must load his groceries into his car and drive away. His life is no different, but hers will never be the same.

It has to be because she’s lonely. It’s been a very long time since she’s been in a relationship. In fact, it’s been so long since she’s kissed a man, she kind of wonders if she’s forgotten how to do it. Katniss has never been that popular, but she’s enjoyed her fair share of attention. She tries really hard not to spiral out in the freezer section, but Christ on a cracker! Something about that specimen of manhood has made her question her life’s choices. Why hasn’t she run into him before now? Clearly, she’s been living wrong.

Except, she hasn’t. She’s done absolutely everything she knows to do to be a good person. She supports her little sister and sends money to her mother who needs every speck of help she can get. She has a best friend who’s been by her side since they both lost their fathers when they were barely teenagers. She helps out at a shelter and donates money to the food bank because she knows way too well how hunger can impact a person’s life. In other words, there’s no reason her weekly grocery trip should result in an upheaval to her world. It’s simply not fair, and she plans to file a complaint to who it is that runs fate and destiny. She has a bone to pick.

Somehow, she finds everything on her list and heads to the front of the store. When she gets there, she unloads her groceries and watches as the cashier scans each item. Digging into her wallet, she’s stunned to find she only has a twenty and the total keeps rising. Mortified, she watches as the number climbs to $34.15.

“I don’t have… I mean, can you take off the…”

Trying to figure out what she can live without until her next paycheck, she surveys the food and toiletries. Almost in tears, she stammers for a few seconds before the cashier speaks.

“Don’t worry. Another patron paid it forward. He left a twenty and asked that I use it if anyone needed help. Looks like you could use some.”

“I— I couldn’t. It’s not right.”

“The guy seemed pretty adamant that I only offer it to someone who could use a break. It seems like that could be you today.”

Katniss nodded slowly. “Do you have any idea who it is? I’d like to thank them.”

The cashier shook her head. “Young guy. Stocky, medium height, ashy blonde hair, blue eyes. Very polite. Named Peter, I think. Something like that.”

It’s got to be him. The description’s too similar to be a coincidence. It seems the guy that froze her in place with his looks is as kind and compassionate as he is special. Now, he’s even more intimidating.

She nods her thanks and takes the change and her purchases. The five in her pocket gives her a little joy, but the feeling of not having money still bothers her. Maybe it’s time to get a credit card. She’s been warned off them for so long that she never applied for one, but now, it might be something she should do. Maybe. It makes her nervous to think she could get in financial trouble with it. She’s been poor her entire life. It might be too tempting to resist.

When she makes it back to her apartment, her attempt to unpack her groceries is interrupted frequently by long pauses in which she fantasizes about finding the guy who’s rocked her world and given her daydreams about all the ways she needs to thank him (appropriately and not so much) for the rest of her life. It’s not unrealistic at all. Totally doable, she decides. After all, how hard can it be to find him again? They live in the same town.

****

The answer to that question is that it’s very hard. Difficult isn’t even the word to describe the problem she has in trying to find the Boy With the Bread, which is what she calls him even though he’s definitely an adult. The person she saw from afar was all man if the stretch of his shirt across broad shoulders was any indication. Still, the alliteration makes her smile, so she continues to refer to him as such.

It shouldn’t take so long, but it does. Months pass, and she wonders if she’s made it all up and imagined the creature that changed her life. She keeps her eyes open in public, scans the local news and social media sites, and seriously considers setting up an online dating site just to see if he’s looking for someone. She’s getting desperate, but then fate smiles on her again.

She’s sitting in a coffee shop, something she hardly ever does, when he walks in the door. She doesn’t normally have time for such a mundane, normal activity that other people her age seem to enjoy all the time. She’s usually working during the day, and she has no desire to consume copious amounts of caffeine after 5 pm when she gets off work. Today, though, she has time. She’s taken a half day to run errands and go to the dentist, and she needs the jolt the espresso will give her to survive her reduced shift.

He ducks through the doorway just as she’s taken a sip of her hot beverage, and she almost chokes on the liquid. He shakes the umbrella he’s holding just outside the door and shoves a riot of blonde curls off his forehead that have shrunken up and frizzed from the rain. It’s adorable.

He’s wearing an emerald Henley and faded jeans that hug all the right places. The sight of him freezes her in place, but that doesn’t stop her from tracking him as moves past her. She’s close enough to see his eyes are blue before he marches across the café and approaches a man sitting alone in the corner. They clasp hands and grin at each other, and the vision in green heads to the counter to order.

She’s dumbfounded. Here he is again after so long, and she can’t think of a single thing to say to him or how in the world to actually approach him without making her look absolutely insane. She racks her brain trying to think of an intelligent topic, but she’s jolted from that when the barista walks to the end of the bar and calls a name.

“Peeta! Chai Latte.”

That’s his name, she realizes, and it’s like the sun’s broken through thick, heavy clouds. It’s just unusual enough to fit him and still feel familiar. He smiles at the woman behind the bar and takes the cup from her. He ordered chai, and she files that information away for future reference. He might not like coffee, which seems important.

She’s pondering a trip to the bathroom just so she has an excuse to pass by him when she suddenly understands that he’s leaving. He and his friend are talking as they walk to the door, and she catches the sound of his voice.

“—we can change that, the numbers will—”

His words are swallowed by the rush of traffic outside, but that silky tone she hardly had a chance to listen to has already taken up residence in the part of her brain that creates unrealistic fantasies. She daydreams for longer than she should. In fact, it’s only the vibration of her phone against the table that reminds her she has to get to her job. What a chance encounter, but now she has a name to go with that face.

****

She’s tried to find him again. She’s googled and returned to the coffee shop when she’s had a spare minute or two. She’s asked around and continues to check dating sites. Nothing. She’s found absolutely nothing. Without a last name, she has very little idea how to find out anything else. Frustrated, she goes about her daily life with a weight on her shoulders that shouldn’t be there. He’s a stranger she’s glimpsed only a couple of times.

Frustrated and full of pent-up energy, she joins a gym. There’s nothing quite like working up a good sweat to ease tension and kickstart her brain, so she spends her free time running the track, lifting, and participating in every hot yoga class the establishment offers. After a month, she’s leaner and stronger than ever, but she hasn’t managed to come up with any ideas that might help her find the guy she desperately wants to thank for saving her when she wasn’t sure how she’d eat for a week.

She’s two laps into her normal ten when she glances down from the elevated track and spots a pickup game of three on three basketball on the far court. Three blonde men face off against three with dark hair, one of whom looks remarkably like her best friend Gale Hawthorne, who she hasn’t seen since he left town for a job almost a year ago. As she jogs closer to the court, she realizes it is him teamed up with his brothers. The blonde men look like siblings, too, but she doesn’t spare them much of a glance. She’s got more laps to go, and she doesn’t want to draw any attention to herself. Gale didn’t bother to tell her that he’s in town, and she’s a little miffed by that.

It’s another three passes by the court before it hits her that the blonde men look familiar. She puts on a burst of speed to get back to where she can see the men closeup and almost trips over her own feet when she spies him. It’s the guy. THE guy. The cashier had said Peter, and the barista had called him Peeta. She stops in her tracks and grabs the railing when someone bumps into her from behind.

“Watch it!” he yells as the jogger passes her. “You’re not supposed to stop on the track!”

She dismisses him with a wave and sprints to the nearest stairwell. If she can just catch them… She bounds down the stairs, three at a time, and bursts into a bustling walkway. She dodges and shoves her way free and streaks around the corner to find—

“Catnip! What are you doing here?”

“Gale!” Sweat drips down her forehead and stings her eyes. Cringing, she swipes her hand across her face and tries not to cry. “Where are—? I thought you were playing basketball.”

He throws her a bewildered look and nods like she’s lost it a little. “We were.”

“You’re done?”

“Yeah? We’d been at it for a while. Are you… Have you been watching me?”

Katniss rolls her eyes, although that’s not really very fair. She had noticed him. It’s not like that’s not the case. “Who were you playing with? I saw Vic and Rory, but the blonde guys… Who, er, who were they?”

The expression on his face would be priceless if she weren’t so desperate to find out the information. He looks like he’s swallowed something very, very distasteful, and she tries hard not to snort with laughter.

“Why?”

She takes in his narrowed eyes and realizes she’s going to have to lie to get what she wants. Part of the reason they haven’t been as close since he left town is due to his sudden confessions of feelings toward her. She’d let him down easy, but things have been strained since then. There’s no need to rub that in his face when all she wants is to find out about Peeta. With a straight face and innocent eyes, she explains, “I think one of them door dinged my car a couple of weeks ago. The gym won’t give out membership information, but if you know who they are… Well, I’d be really grateful, Gale.”

He falls for it when she bats her eyelashes at him. She should feel terrible, but all’s fair in love and basketball. Of all people, Gale should want her to be happy, no matter if that means she’s interested in someone else or not. She’s no damsel in distress, unless she can’t pay for her groceries or something. However, her simpering works, and that’s really what she needs.

“Mellark is the last name. They all have bread names. It’s weird.”

She rolls the name around in her head for a bit. Peeta Mellark. It’s a nice solid name, and now she has more information to help her figure out how to find him. Almost giddy with victory, she stretches up on her tiptoes and kisses Gale’s cheek in gratitude. Backing away before he can reciprocate, she hears him as the distance widens between them.

“Do you want to grab dinner sometime? Maybe?”

“Sorry, Gale! Got to go. Really good to see you!”

With that, she turns her back and slips down the hall to the women’s locker room. She doesn’t bother to shower before grabbing her bag and heading to her car. She’s barely closed the door before she’s on her phone and typing in the name Peeta Mellark. She has a thank you to deliver.

****

Surprisingly, it’s not much easier to find him now that she knows his full name. She unveils a lot of information about his family, but not him. Apparently, they own a few local bakeries that she tries out and loves. Still, Peeta’s family is not the same thing as Peeta, who is remarkably absent from social media and with no online presence. She’s willing to admit, she got cocky, and now she can’t figure out how to recover from it.

“Where the hell is he?” she mutters as she comes up empty. Again.

Frustrated, she runs over all the data she’s gathered about him. He’s kind, compassionate, and thoughtful; all of those qualities were on display at the grocery store. He drinks tea and has a very good-looking friend who he talks to about numbers; that she learned at the coffee shop. He’s athletic and has two brothers he likes well enough to exercise with them; that information, and his last name, came from the gym. It should be enough to go on. It’s not.

She’s at home on her couch and paying bills when it suddenly hits her that she may never see this guy again. Peeta Mellark seems to be a figment of her imagination for all the good it’s done to try to find him. That and the small number in her bank account are both so unpleasant that she decides she’s going to have to break down and do something she’s been avoiding and delaying for a very long time. She’s going to have to open a line of credit. She’ll only use it for emergencies, but she can’t rely on the kindness of strangers to bail her out the next time she doesn’t have money for groceries, let alone car maintenance or an unforeseen medical crisis. It’s been months since Peeta saved her, but the humiliation of not being able to take care of herself still hasn’t faded. Before she can change her mind, she grabs her purse and heads to the bank. The time is now.

“Can I help you?” A bubbly blonde teller named Delly asks, and Katniss takes a deep breath to fortify herself.

“I’d like to open a line of credit. Can I talk to someone about that?”

“Sure!” she practically squeals. “Let me just call someone to help you.”

She’s led down the hallway and past a few desks to a small office. Once ushered inside, she sits and raises her eyes to view the person across from her.

“Oh…”

The man before her is stunning—green eyes, bronze hair, a swimmer’s build. It’s the guy’s—Peeta’s—friend, the one he was with at the coffee shop.

“Ms. Everdeen. I’m Finnick Odair. Want some sugar?” he asks and nudges a candy bowl toward her.

“No, I’m fi—.”

“Hey, Finn. Can you— Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were with a customer.”

She jerks at the sound of his voice. Peeta Mellark is standing in the doorway, and her heart is in her throat. She has a sudden flashback of the coffee shop, when the two of them walked past her discussing numbers… Now, it all makes sense. They work at a bank together. Of course they do. Peeta turns to leave, and she calls out.

“Wait! Stay with me.”

She claps her hands over her mouth and wills herself not to blush, but it’s no use. She’s just asked a perfect stranger to stay with her, and her invitation sounds much more intimate than she means it to. He must think she’s insane. Maybe she actually is. She pushes down a sudden urge to flee the situation and escape to the safety of her apartment.

This is out of her wheelhouse. Shy, introverted, and intensely private, Katniss worries the end of her braid and bites her lip. Every instinct she has tells her to run, but the temptation of him before her is too great. Rising, she crosses to him and holds out her hand.

“Hi. My name is Katniss. You saved my life once, and I’ve been on the hunt to find you for months. Thank you.”

Peeta and his friend exchange looks, and she fights the urge to shrivel back into herself. Finally, he looks directly at her and takes her palm in his. With a smile so disarming she nearly faints, he answers.

“Peeta Mellark. It’s nice to meet you.”

The touch of his hand on hers melts her insides. She dreads when she finally has to let go, but maybe she won’t have to. With a shy smile, she cocks out her hip and looks up at him through long lashes. Her flirting may be a disaster, but it’s all she’s got.

“It’s so nice to meet you, too.”

The flicker in his eyes makes her knees weak. An hour later, she’s left the bank with a line of credit, a phone number, and a dinner date. The hunt is finally over.

[mellometal]

WHAT'S GOING ON? THIS IS PART TWO OF ME RIPPING APART DHAR MANN'S VIDEOS ABOUT FATPHOBIA! Whoo-hoo!

Before I get started, here's an obligatory trigger warning: This post will be talking about fatphobia, bullying, homelessness, mentioned ED, fat shaming, shaming a person FOR EATING, and the abused thanking his abuser AS AN ADULT for tormenting him as a young, impressionable teenage boy.

If any of that is triggering, upsetting, or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. Please consume media that sparks joy for you.

This time, there won't be a response from me about this video, like I usually do with all my Dhar Mann posts. If you want to see my response, refer to my first post about fatphobia (the one about the plus-size woman being fat shamed). It does tie in with this post, as my thoughts on this video are the exact same here. Yes, even though this is about a (at the time) plus-size black teenage boy being targeted. Search for the "dhar mann talk" tag and it's one of the most recent posts. I don't believe anyone should be shamed for their weight. Your weight doesn't hold any significance to your worth as a person. Don't let anything or anyone tell you otherwise.

With all of that out of the way, let's get to the video!

To sum up the video, it starts out with a plus-size black teenage boy (Kurt or "Big Boy", as he's called almost throughout the entire video) who's on a basketball court at school with his friend (Mike), a few other teenage boys, and Mike's uncle (Frank) is their coach. Mike is the captain on one team, Frank is the captain on the other team. They're picking teammates, and everyone is on a team except for Kurt and another boy. Frank says to his nephew to not pick Kurt (he called him "Big Boy" instead) because "he'd never win with him". LIKE THEY WERE PLAYING FOR THE NBA. CALM YOUR DICK. HOLY FUCKING HELL. THEY'RE KIDS.

Mike, not listening to his uncle (good for him), picks Kurt anyway. Kurt is happy and thanks his friend for picking him. Mike gives Kurt a shirt that looks at least a couple sizes too small for him and would be pretty uncomfortable to wear. This isn't Mike's fault, obviously. Kurt politely asks if they had a bigger shirt. Obviously not an unreasonable request. They're playing a sport that requires lots of movement (honestly, pretty much any sport would apply here, except for maybe golf or cricket) so it's understandable to want to at least be comfortable and have room to move around. Frank mocks A LITERAL TEENAGER with the whole "You think you're shopping at Big&Tall?" line and then says that's the only size they had (why couldn't they supply inclusive sizes in the first place, or at least ASK Kurt what his size was IN ADVANCE?), which....umm, I'm actually GLAD plus-size clothing for men (Big&Tall, in this case) is more readily available and accessible now. I'm happy plus-size clothing in GENERAL is like that now.

Mike comforts Kurt and says the shirt might fit. The shirt does KIND OF fit Kurt, but it's obvious he's uncomfortable. Look at this screenshot here:

Frank laughs at Kurt, says he looks like Barney The Dinosaur, and the other kids laugh along with their coach. This is NOT setting a good example for children, Frank. You're a fucking teacher. You're a COACH. You're supposed to be teaching these kids about sports and shit. You're supposed to be setting a good example for these kids about teamwork and sportsmanship. WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO A TEENAGE BOY, WHO IS MOST LIKELY ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS, IS TEACHING NONE OF THOSE THINGS. You're teaching these kids that bullying their peers for things they can't help having is okay. Do better. (I'd say that he's an adult and should act like one, but I'm an adult and I barely act like one a lot of the time, so that'd make me a hypocrite.)

While I may be fortunate to have had a physical education teacher who never bashed on me or shamed me for my weight and she would cheer me on for whatever amount of effort I made the first and only year I had actual P.E., I know that many other kids who are plus-size most likely has/had horrible P.E. teachers or coaches like Frank.

To anyone who has/had a teacher or coach like Frank, I'm so sorry, kiddos. You don't deserve to be bullied by your own teachers. I wish I could give all of you a hug, but I can give y'all virtual hugs instead! *virtual hugs* /p

So they play a game of basketball, and Kurt is struggling to fully play because the shirt he was given was probably cutting off some circulation, especially in his arms (again, do I need to reiterate that this was NOT Mike's fault and is FRANK'S fault for his ignorance and negligence). Frank mocks his nephew Mike by saying that he told him not to pick Kurt. Why? Because according to him, Kurt will never make anything of himself in life due to him being fat. (AGAIN, THIS IS NOT TRUE.)

Then it cuts to Kurt sitting with Mike, who's working on his car and Kurt's working on his own thing. Mike says he believes one day he'll own a nice, brand new Cadillac. Kurt is very supportive and cheers his friend on. He says that he believes he'll be one of the biggest radio show hosts and has a title for it called "Big Boy's Neighborhood". Both of them are hyping each other up. Love to see men supporting men. Mike pulls out his Walkman (they were HUGE back in the 80s and 90s because you could listen to the radio from anywhere, I have a Sony Walkman mp3 player, but it's a newer model), and Kurt says that he's always wanted one but couldn't afford it. (I'll go into why in a second.)

Frank comes over to reprimand Mike, who has done NOTHING WRONG, for talking to Kurt. Instead of working, which Mike WAS actually doing. He tries to tell his uncle this, but he wasn't having it. Frank then reprimands Kurt, who also has done NOTHING WRONG, for just sitting and apparently "distracting Mike" (he wasn't). He asks if there's any work he was supposed to do. Kurt FINALLY stands up to Frank in a polite, mature manner. He says that just because he wasn't working with his hands, it didn't mean he wasn't working. Frank ridicules Kurt some more, Mike tells his uncle to leave his friend alone, and Kurt stands up to Frank AGAIN, still being polite and mature. UNLIKE THE ACTUAL ADULT ACTING LIKE A CLICHÉ MIDDLE SCHOOL BULLY WHO PROBABLY PEAKED IN HIGH SCHOOL. How fucking ironic.

What does Frank do in response to Kurt standing up to him? INSULTS THE KID SOME MORE. He tells Kurt that he must have "pig fat for brains" (which is not only insulting to Kurt, but also insulting to pigs, because pigs are intelligent animals), takes his small bag of Doritos, and says that he "doesn't need to be eating anything." He eats Kurt's Doritos IN FRONT OF HIM, tells Mike to quit letting his friend make him lazy (he wasn't doing that at all), and to get back to work.

THAT line made me livid. I've actually thought that I didn't deserve to eat anything because I'm plus-size as a teenager, and into my adulthood at a few points in my life. NEVER say that someone doesn't need to be eating anything. (Obviously except for poisonous things, inedible objects, and things that could and will kill them.) You could cause them to develop an ED, or trigger an ED if they already have one. THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING. EDs are no joke. Whether it be starving, purging, or binge eating, none of them are fun to have and/or to deal with. Even if they DON'T develop an ED, their relationship with food will be all sorts of fucky-wucky. Some even for the rest of their lives. Unless you get proper treatment, of course.

When Frank leaves, Kurt is obviously upset. Rightfully so. How he's feeling is justified. Mike comforts him and says to not let Frank get to him. Mike offers to take Kurt home, but then realizes that his friend and his mom got evicted and are homeless. (This is why Kurt couldn't afford to buy a Walkman.) Kurt, still distraught, says that he'll just walk. Mike invites him over for dinner and that he'd drop him off after, which Kurt agrees to.

They're at Mike's house, having dinner, and Mike's parents are talking to Kurt. They're being supportive. Frank walks in to have his sister's cooking. He sees that Kurt's there. Mike's parents introduce Frank to Kurt, tells him Kurt's gonna be on the radio one day, Frank laughs and says Kurt's not gonna be anything. Kurt brushes it off. He says that his mom says that he can achieve whatever he wants (which is true, to a reasonable extent), Frank cuts him off and says his mom was lying to him, and that his mom knows he's gonna be a big loser.

Mike's dad tells Frank to leave Kurt alone. Mike's mom also says the same thing. Frank asks Kurt if his mom doesn't feed him at home, and what he was doing "eating up all their food" (he wasn't; he just had a singular plate). Mike and his mom tell Frank to stop. His mom explains that they invited Kurt over for dinner, and she tells her brother to sit down and eat. Frank then asks Kurt again if his mom doesn't feed him at home. Mike tells Frank that Kurt and his mom don't have a home because they just got evicted, which is a shock to the parents. Instead of having sympathy for a teenage boy who was on the streets with his mom, HE MOCKS HIM. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? Especially to a teenage boy who didn't do anything whatsoever to deserve being evicted from his home and be out on the streets with his mom. I've dealt with being evicted. I've dealt with homelessness. Out of no fault of my own. It's not funny, cool, glamorous, or anything like that. It's terrifying. I'm still traumatized by that experience and it happened four years ago. Sometimes I have nightmares about that kind of thing. The very possibility of becoming homeless and going through that again scares the shit out of me. The thought of it is so triggering for me that I will resort to reverting back to things I used to do when I was a kid. It also doesn't help that I will NEVER be able to afford an apartment on my own where I live now and will probably have to rely on at least two or three roommates and/or family to get by. Thanks a lot, Boomers.

I would never wish what I went through on anyone. Anyways, back to the whole summary of the video.

Kurt gets up and leaves the table. Mike tries to go after his friend to make sure he was okay, but Frank stops his nephew. ONLY WHEN KURT LEAVES DOES FRANK ALL NONCHALANTLY SAY THAT HE'S STARVING AND THAT THEY SHOULD ALL EAT. Despite Frank making Kurt as well as his (Frank's) own family upset.

Kurt walks to where his mom is. His mom notices that he's upset. Kurt tells his mom that it's because of Frank. His mom comforts him and gives him the advice that she gave him before. Kurt is still obviously too upset to take anything she's telling him, bringing up that they're homeless and broke, and his mom is desperate to help comfort her son. She gives him his birthday present early, which happens to be a Walkman. Kurt is shocked. He thought they didn't have that kind of money. His mom says not to worry about that. She pokes some lighthearted fun at her son, he thanks her, and he asks her a question. He asks if she believes he'll be successful or if she's saying that to make him feel better. She asks if he believes he'll be successful (yep), and he tells her that when he succeeds, he'll buy them a house so they don't have to be homeless anymore or worry about getting evicted.

Fast forward to adulthood, Kurt becomes a bouncer, meets someone who works at a radio station, and he goes there. Just to have people laughing at him. He's distraught again and leaves the station, thinking that he made a bad decision. Frank happens to come by, see that Kurt was upset, and asks what's wrong. Kurt tells him what happened, and Frank mocks him AGAIN with the same shit he told him when he was a TEENAGE BOY, now as a YOUNG ADULT. He walks off, laughing.

Nice going! /s Kicking Kurt while he's down JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, RIGHT? FUCK YOU.

Kurt then decides that he's gonna lose weight and be the best radio show host. (Toxic much? Why would you try to preach that your weight = your worth as a person? If you're losing weight for yourself, great! I'm happy for you! If you don't want to lose weight, you don't give a fuck about what people say, and you're happy in your own skin, that's awesome too! Do it for yourself, not for anyone's approval. Try to love yourself and accept yourself in any form you're in. Don't fall for the bullshit that you have to be a certain size or look a certain way for you to love and accept yourself. The weight may be gone, but the rest of your issues will still be there. I have to clarify that I meant this in GENERAL, not necessarily for extremities on either side of the spectrum of weight...because there are things you MUST follow.)

Kurt gets back to the station, ignores all the people being assholes, he's doing his thing, and he's climbing up.

Fast forward to when Kurt is middle-aged. He has his own radio show, and he's one of the biggest names in the radio industry. After he finishes up his show, he goes outside to see a couple of young fans. A young black girl with her brother, a plus-size boy. They say how much they love his show, they got his merch, and the boy tells Kurt that he wants to be just like him. The boy doubts himself though because of people abusing him JUST LIKE what Kurt went through. Kurt empathizes with the boy and tells him a little bit about his own experience. Following them is Frank as an old man. They're his grandkids.

Frank recognizes Kurt, and actually apologizes to him for the torment he put him through as a teenager. WHAT A SHOCK. /srs

Kurt takes it with grace, but says that he should be thanking Frank for all the torment. Why? Because it "motivated him". The girl says that she loves that. (Okay, since she's a kid and there's still time for her to change her mind about certain things, I'm not going to be as harsh here. I don't bash on the kids unless they're doing or saying extremely fucked up things willingly. She didn't say this with bad intentions. I understand you're coming from a good place, and I appreciate that, but please hear me out. This wasn't at all like dealing with edgy thirteen year olds on the internet. This man you look up to was abused by your grandfather in his youth. Your brother is experiencing that same torment your idol went through...at a younger age too, it seems like. The kid looks no older than middle school age [ten or eleven at the YOUNGEST to maybe thirteen or fourteen at the OLDEST]. That's a huge problem. Kurt may have "toughed it out", but that might not be the case for your brother. Please don't excuse that kind of behavior.)

Dude...what the actual fuck? I can understand not being bothered by the hate, but this grown ass man literally VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED YOU AS A YOUNG, IMPRESSIONABLE TEENAGE BOY, CONTINUING INTO ADULTHOOD, and you're THANKING Frank for all of that? Why should you thank your abuser for what he put you through? He didn't contribute ANYTHING to your success. So I guess abuse is a GREAT contribution to people's success now, right? /s It doesn't contribute to anything, in my opinion. Yes, what doesn't kill you can make you stronger, but can we normalize people becoming weaker to a point due to traumatic events? Because they exist. Demonizing survivors who have become weaker to some degree or just flat-out ignoring them isn't helping. You did the thing you wanted to do, Kurt. Frank didn't help you. The person who really helped you was YOU and your mom.

MOVING ON.

The boy asks Kurt if he thinks he'll ever be able to make it as a radio show host. Kurt asks if HE believes that. The boy says he does. Kurt gives him some advice and gives the boy his Walkman. The boy's ecstatic, they leave, and Kurt goes to meet up with his mom.

Keeping to his promise, Kurt bought his mom a house so she'd never be homeless again and never have to worry about being evicted. (HOW LONG WAS SHE HOMELESS FOR? OH MY GOD. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. I hope you at least let her stay with you or something. They never went into that, unfortunately.) She's very grateful. The video ends there.

My personal thoughts on the video: Another piss poor video....but worse! Because it was a COLLAB. And based on a true story. Good going with taking this man's story of being abused by a grown adult to exploit for your personal gain, Dhar Mann! WOW. LOVE THAT! Totally a good look. /s

What I took from this video is that if you're plus-size, according to Dhar Mann, you'll apparently NEVER be successful, let alone be taken seriously...which is an absolute lie. There are many plus-size people who are very successful. Another thing I took from the video is that apparently according to Dhar Mann, being verbally and emotionally abused as a teenager by a grown adult all the way into adulthood is "motivation" for you to work harder to reach your goals. (Nice going, Dhar Mann. Justifying grown adults abusing children. Who would've thought? /s)

Oh, and it's like MANDATORY to thank your abusers for tormenting you when you become successful! (Obviously this is an exaggeration. This is me using Dhar Mann's logic against him.) You want to thank them for making you stronger? Fine. You want to spit in their face and say, "Fuck you." to them? Also fine. You want to just never acknowledge them ever again? Totally fine. Whatever you want to do, that's fine by me, but can you not imply that "thanking" your abusers is mandatory in some way?

If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you're having a good morning/day/afternoon/evening/night. Stay safe, y'all. Love you. /p

[dennou-translations]

K SIDE:GREEN – Chapter 1 (Part 2)

Feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, please support the creators by purchasing the official releases.

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“‘Electricity’, activate!” Letting out a resonant voice, Hikotarou raised his PDA up high.

Isn’t this guy reading too much manga? Should I stop looking up to him after all? Sukuna thought, hands buried inside his pockets, yet the PDA’s screen started glowing green before his eyes.

“Eh?”

As if to sneer at his foolish reaction, a green shine burst from within the terminal. Drawing a zigzag track in the empty air, the green lightning pierced a PET bottle about five meters away. A chemical-like smell of melted plastic drifted from it.

Sukuna approached the burned PET bottle, and as if to say that he was acting without thinking, he touched it.

“Hot!”

Instantly, he flung it away. The PET bottle made a loud noise as it hit the ground. White smoke dissipated in the wind. A blistering appeared on Sukuna’s hand.

“What’re you doing?” Hikotarou cackled a laugh.

With his back turned to that laughter, Sukuna was looking down at his hand, forgetting to even blink.

That was real. It was neither magic nor a trick. A real supernatural power.

He had never even imagined that something like it existed in this world. Games were games, not reality. It was exactly because he usually played many of them that Sukuna was perfectly aware of this much – or at least he intended to be.

However, the words that Hikotarou had said to him one day came back vividly. A video game that one could play in the real world. That was most certainly a fact, not a metaphor or anything of the sort.

Sukuna heard an unfamiliar noise. A steadily pulsating beat. That was something Sukuna could hear from nowhere other than his own chest. A fragment of a world that had only ever exited within fiction and fantasy was unmistakably floating before his eyes – this truth was making Sukuna’s heart beat loudly.

“How’s that? It was true, wasn’t it? You believe what I said now?”

It was a wholly different story that Sukuna was annoyed at Hikotarou, who, in a stark contrast with him, was smirking proudly and pushing his PDA against Sukuna’s cheek. He gave quite some thought to knocking down the device, but that would be lashing out while being in the wrong, which was pathetic. After reflecting a little, he decided to attack from a different opening.

“You said you’d bought this thing, right? How much was it?”

When asked, Hikotarou quickly averted his eyes and said in a low voice, “1k.”

“So expensive! Ain’t that the same amount as the promotion points!?”

1k was a short for 1000. In order to rank up within JUNGLE, the points had to be consumed, and the points required when an E-rank was promoted to an L-rank were exactly a thousand. When thinking about earning that many points in an honest manner, it would likely take almost a month.

“Also, didn’t you say this was disposable or something? Don’t tell me this is the end.”

“O-Of course not! I said it was disposable ‘cause there’s a frequency limit! We can still use it!”

“How many times more?”

“Four...”

Meaning that item cost 1000JP for five times of use. Unfair overcharging was an understatement for it. And out of all things, Hikotarou had spent a valuable opportunity to make fair use of those 200JP on a PET bottle. Most likely with the sole purpose of showing Sukuna something nice.

The moment he thought this, something welled up within him.

“Fufu,” he snorted as if about to burst out, a roar of laughter following suit. “Ahahahahaha! What’s with that? Such a waste! Aren’t you an idiot!?”

“Sh-Shut up! It’s fine! Those are my points after all!”

“Even so, you—for something like that—”

“It’s ‘cause you wouldn’t believe what I said if I didn’t do something like this!”

A worked-up Hikotarou was so amusing that Sukuna laughed even louder. If his classmates saw him now, they would be wide-eyed and shocked. Sukuna himself had just found out for the first time that he could laugh with such a strident voice.

“Damn, it ain’t something to laugh so much for. You’re always making such a sour face too,” Hikotarou said with a strained smile. It was apparently influenced by Sukuna’s burst of laughter.

And so, for a while, the two players laughed together.

“But how does this thing work?” After laughing for some time, Sukuna scanned Hikotarou’s terminal with his eyes. “Doesn’t seem like there’s any mechanism planted in your PDA. It’s the same model as mine.”

“Yeah. Everything is apparently thanks to JUNGLE’s personal use app. Everybody calls it ‘ESP app’.”

If one could use psychic powers upon signing in, then there was indeed no social media more revolutionary than this one. It was about enough to become explosively viral, but it had its own reasons to remain as underground.

According to Hikotarou—

“There are these two types, the ‘skill’ and ‘item’, in the ESP app.”

“Skill” referred to powers that could be used constantly. If people called something a “psychic ability” in JUNGLE, it normally indicated one thing. That when rising to G rank and above, they could choose only one power and use it limitlessly. From among many abilities, they would select just one that matched them and nurture it in their desired direction.

On the other hand, any player could use an “item”. However, it was disposable – as Hikotarou had just showed, one had to spend copious amounts of points for each time of use. In exchange, it could be used in combination with skills to develop various strategies.

“You can clear high-level missions by combining those two – that’s what the upper-rankers are doing, it seems. Well, this is just what I heard, since I’m still in a low rank.”

“Huun. Sounds like you can do a lot, depending on the combination.” Looking through JUNGLE’s store, Sukuna nodded as if impressed.

“Yeah. Sukuna, you should think now about which you’re gonna pick when you turn into a G.”

“That so? I can also use it?”

Up until the present, Sukuna had lived a life where “things that he could not do” did not exist. Which was why he had never once thought that he wanted superhuman powers like those from mangas or movies.

The reason for Sukuna to have butterflies in his chest when he saw the “ESP app” was that JUNGLE had destroyed his world.

It was such a wholly different world that it could completely overturn the things imposed on him until now – the tedious common sense and reality – by his parents and the people at school. Coming in contact with a power none of them could imagine and racing to a place their hands could never reach – how thrilling that was!

When he realized, Sukuna was gripping his PDA strongly. This was neither him fleeing from suffocation nor rebelling against parents. Sukuna had just now come to know the true appeal of JUNGLE.

“Right. Aah, that’s right! I’ll rise too! Then, I’ll use even more amazing powers and accomplish bigger missions!”

“Yeah! That’s the spirit!” Hikotarou nodded, laughing.

Sukuna was also grateful that he existed. Hikotarou was the one who had told him about JUNGLE and showed him its real charm – it was all thanks to him.

If he could one day clear up all sorts of missions using various kinds of psychic abilities with Hikotarou, it would surely be extremely, tremendously fun.

It was Sukuna’s first time being excited ever since he was born.

◆

“Well, see ya tomorrow,” Hikotarou said at the three-way junction on the way home that day, waving his hand.

Sukuna stopped walking involuntarily, as their talk had been at the most interesting part. They had looked into the JUNGLE store list, discussed about this and that combination and just as he figured out the best combo, he had started talking about it.

Sukuna’s house was on the right side of a Y-shaped three-way junction. Hikotarou was about to walk toward the left side. Wordlessly, Sukuna went to Hikotarou’s side.

“Sukuna?”

At Hikotarou’s surprised look, Sukuna pouted and turned away. “It’s fine to go the long way around sometimes, ain’t it?”

Hikotarou blinked repeatedly. That gaze was annoying. Enough to make him almost unwittingly forget the invisible combo that he had finally come up with.

“That so? Then hang out with me for a bit.”

Hikotarou did not try to tease him for it. His countenance surly, Sukuna replied with nothing but a “fine by me” to that grinning face.

And so, Hikotarou took a detour. The place he stopped by was a drugstore in front of the station and what he bought was cat food.

As Hikotarou held two one-kilogram dry food packages with both arms, Sukuna asked as if skeptical, “You had a cat?”

Hikotarou averted his eyes with a rather subtle expression. “It’s not like I’m keeping it.”

Through that single sentence, Sukuna was somewhat able to understand the situation. He followed behind Hikotarou, who was walking mutely.

Eventually, the two arrived at a vacant lot on the outskirts of town. In a corner of said vacant lot, where weeds grew boundlessly, there was a cardboard box. Cries of “mew, mew” that seemed to beg for something could be heard coming from inside the box.

“They were four at first,” crouching down and opening the food package, Hikotarou whispered as though talking to himself. “One was the mother and the others were kitties. But one day, the mother was gone, and when I came to see them after a while, the two other than this one were dead.

Sukuna looked around. On a spot at a short distance from there, he could see two small stones lined up beside the block wall.

“This guy here was about to die too, but I did a bit of research, and after I gave him milk and brought him something warm, he managed to recover one way or another.”

“Won’t you try to take it home?”

Still crouched, Hikotarou looked up at Sukuna. He had on a weak smile. “We can’t have pets at my place. My da—my father hates this kinda stuff.”

“Then—I know; how about you use JUNGLE? Send out a mission to find him a foster parent.”

Hikotarou laughed dryly, “I think whoever takes it on will probably just take the points and send the cat off to a health center.”

Sukuna went silent, crouching down.

The little cat was dirty. Its fur and skin were muddy, its tail bent. It was engrossed in eating the food, but once it looked up, its eyes had hardened mucus on them.

Hikotarou took out a tissue and gently wiped it off. “Wanna pet it?”

“That okay?”

Hikotarou raised his voice as he laughed at the dumbfounded question. With a sour face, Sukuna reached out a hand and touched the kitten. Perhaps thinking that he was food, the kitten thrust its nose onto his palm and sniffed it incessantly. It was ticklish. His mouth distorting, Sukuna endured the sensation. Finally, the kitten pushed its body onto Sukuna’s hand and its sleeping breath began to ensue.

As if not to disrupt the revolving, throaty sound, Sukuna complained in a low voice, “Hey. What do I do about this? I can’t move.”

“Won’t it be fine if you don’t move?”

“You!” He let his anger show, but the kitten might awaken if he moved recklessly. As if having bitten into a bitter-tasting bug, Sukuna looked down at the kitten. “Does it have a name?”

“Yeah. He’s also Nine.”

That was Hikotarou’s handle name. Sukuna stared at him with a look that said, “Don’t give it such a confusing name”, yet Hikotarou was gazing down at “Nine” and laughing.

“I’m glad it’s summer right now. A parentless kitty wouldn’t survive if it were winter. Even then, many dangerous things will likely happen to him, but if he grows up just a bit more, he’ll get by on his own—”

“I’ll,” Sukuna opened his mouth before thinking of anything. “I’ll keep it.”

Hikotarou looked at Sukuna with wide eyes.

“My parents probably won’t allow it, but even so, I’ll keep it. I think I can do it. My house is big. I can think of lots of places that neither my parents’ nor the servants’ eyes could reach.”

“Sukuna—”

“That should be better for this guy than here. I can put up a box, a blanket and things like that in our unused warehouse, and a toilet too, I guess. I don’t know about that stuff, but I’ll look it up later. You can also come over when you feel like seeing him.”

As if angry, Sukuna was making a surly face. Hikotarou looked at that expression of his with rounded eyes. Unable to bear the gaze, Sukuna stared down at the little cat once again.

“Of course, only if you’re okay with it.”

Hikotarou replied to Sukuna’s mumbled words, which sounded like an excuse, with a smile that seemed to shine, “It is! I’m counting on you, Sukuna!”

Sukuna laughed sheepishly. The kitten’s sleeping breath ensued windingly from within his hand. While feeling its body temperature on his palm, Sukuna inferred his opinion by muttering a few words, “By the way, can’t you change the name Nine?”

“Nope.”

◆

The home of Nine the kitten was soon found.

There was a wooden shack in a corner of the Gojou estate. Originally used as the gardener’s warehouse, it was now abandoned as the garden tools had been moved to a storehouse in the main residence. The shack, which Sukuna’s parents obviously did not go anywhere near and neither did the servants, was perfect for his purpose. He had arranged the kitten’s needs in a corner of the cramped and dim shack.

He could not possibly bring that cardboard box home, so he had laid a blanket over a basket woven from wood, making it into an improvised bed. The kitten Nine had raised its voice in protest against being moved from its former location, but it soon quieted down after being tossed into the blanket.

He had left it with a box of food, a water bowl and litter for its toilet. He could not take it outside, so he would have to raise it there for a while.

Looking around the small shack, Sukuna had nodded to himself. The kitten would surely be okay there. Nobody would find out. Convincing himself of this, Sukuna had cautiously left the shack and returned to the main house.

Today was the day to eat dinner with his mother.

“How was school, Sukuna?” such words came out of her red lips.

His knife, which had been carefully cutting the meat, stopped moving completely.

Sukuna looked at her with upturned eyes. The appearance of his mother enjoying an elegant dinner on the other end of the pure white tablecloth and silver candlesticks, with two servants at her left and right sides, was almost like the queen of a nation.

“Just normal.”

“‘It was’.”

“It was normal.”

His mother titled her neck a little. With a slight movement from her gaze, one of the servants moved soundlessly and poured wine into her glass.

“Have you been getting along with your friends? Your face has been bright lately. Are you having fun?”

Sukuna was silent.

If she was asking if he was having fun playing with a friend, the answer was yes. But not with the friends she had provided for him – Ninomiya and his former followers. It was with a smart and lively boy named Kue Hikotarou.

What would his mother do if she found out about Hikotarou?

She did not approve of anything that did not act in accordance with her will approaching him. Needless to recall the matter with Ninomiya, if his mother knew about Hikotarou, she would certainly try to keep him away. He could not think that she would be appreciative of things like JUNGLE.

Hikotarou might have to transfer schools because of him. As this possibility crossed his mind, Sukuna was horrified.

After thinking a little, Sukuna answered, “Yes, I am having fun, Mother.”

So you have nothing to worry about. So don’t meddle in anything and leave it as that. Leave me alone—

His mother drank a sip of wine, smiling. “Is that so? Then I’m glad. Your happiness is my happiness—”

Suddenly, the smile disappeared.

She stood up from the chair as if kicking it away. The glass collapsed with a smashing sound, the wine spilling and dyeing the tablecloth red. Approaching the frozen Sukuna with big steps, she firmly grabbed the hand that was still holding a knife and raised it with force.

A raspy voice came out of her lips, which were once tightened into a thing line, “What is this?”

Stock-still, Sukuna looked at it. He had a burn on his right hand. It was the wound that he had earned himself right after school today, when Hikotarou showed him the ESP app.

It had happened due to his own carelessness, and until just now, Sukuna had even forgotten that he had a burn. After all, it did not particularly hurt and he thought it would heal soon.

But his mother was different.

“Explain, Sukuna.”

Sukuna’s mother thought of him as a treasure. He was her property, like gemstones and rings. Of course his mother would be angry if said property was damaged. Whatever the property itself thought did not matter.

Sukuna spoke with a voice that sounded like a gasp, “It—is nothing, Mother. This is just—”

“‘Just’ what?”

“I was eating something hot during lunch and... I touched the food with my fingers...”

It was a painful excuse if he were to say so himself, but he could not think of anything else. Talking about Hikotarou was out of question. If he said he had borne it in class, there was no mistaking that she would check with the school for confirmation. If the lie were exposed, Sukuna’s mother would thoroughly investigate his surroundings.

If this happened, Hikotarou’s existence would definitely be revealed. And if she found out about Hikotarou, farewell would be waiting in the not-too-distant future.

Sukuna’s mother stayed dead-silent, peeking at his face fixatedly. Halting his breath, Sukuna accepted her gaze.

“Is that so?” muttering these few words, the mother let go of Sukuna’s hand.

Sukuna pulled his hand to his chest as if stealing it back. His heart was beating with strong thumps.

As a Crescent Moon-like smile once again crept on his mother’s red lips, she reached her hand out to caress his head. “Mother has an urgent matter to take care of. I will be going now, but you can eat dinner by yourself, right?”

Swallowing saliva as if swallowing lead, Sukuna answered, “Yes.”

“Really? You are a good child, Sukuna.”

Stroking Sukuna’s head in a noticeably rough manner, his mother turned on her heels. The way that the wine splashed on the back of her skirt looked like a spurt of blood was forever seared into Sukuna’s eyes.

◆

Five: You there?

Nine: I am. Got any business with me?

Five: Nothing that you can call “business” in particular.

Nine: Then what is it? Can’t sleep?

Five: Hey. Didn’t anything happen to you?

Nine: I don’t get what you mean.

Five: I mean, like...

Five: Didn’t anyone, like your parents or people from school, say anything to you?

Nine: Aah, I get it. Is it about JUNGLE?

Nine: I told you, didn’t I? That the level of anonymity is super high in JUNGLE. You can change the app icon anytime so nobody can tell who you are just by looking, and you can also hide that you installed it if you feel like it. You’re scared of being found out ‘cause you’re from a good family, right?

Five: No! That’s not it!

Nine: Then what is it?

Five: Like I said...

Five: It’s nothing.

Nine: What’s up with you?

Five: I said it’s nothing!

Five: Just, if anything happens at school, make sure to tell me. ‘Cause I might be able to do something about it.

Nine: Don’t say such creepy things out of nowhere... What, you mean something’s gonna happen to me?

Five: I don’t know. But this is a what-if.

Nine: Yes, yes, thank you for your kindness.

Five: I’m serious!

Nine: Then I’ll answer seriously; I won’t rely on you even if that happens. JUNGLE players are independent by default. No matter if they have friends, they don’t do that kinda thing. Aren’t you the same?

Nine: ......

Nine: Sukuna? You awake?

Five: I am.

Five: I get it. It’s just like you said. Forget about that.

Nine: Ah, that so? Then are you done? I ain’t done with tomorrow’s homework yet.

Five: Haa? You should finish homework the moment you get it.

Nine: Shaddap! G’night!

Five: G’night.

◆

The next day and the one after, Hikotarou did not show up at school.

Sukuna was fretting about all sorts of things, yet it was not as if he could do anything. Hikotarou had said that in the chatroom, but if Sukuna’s mother attempted to keep him away, there was surprisingly little that Sukuna could do.

Sukuna’s mother loved him and tried giving him whatever he wanted. However, it was completely impossible to change her opinions through his. Plead as he might, his mother would do as she willed. His voice would not reach her.

But that did not mean he could fold his arms and watch.

He was the first and only friend that Sukuna could respect ever since he had been born. Just thinking about this friend having to go somewhere far away because of him made chills run through his spine.

Until now, he had never experienced so much fear and anxiety. Although he did feel suffocated and disturbed by his mother’s actions, he had never felt dread.

Before he realized, Sukuna had sneaked out of his room and headed to the shack. He opened the door gently. Relying on the light of his PDA, he found the basket he had left in a corner. Wrapped in its blanket, the kitten Nine had been sleeping soundly.

However, perhaps noticing Sukuna, Nine looked up at him with its round eyes. Raising a sweet cry of “mew, mew”, it scrambled its way up the basket, crawled out and ended up rolling down to the floor with a thump.

“Ah, h-hey—”

He frantically picked Nine up, but this time, it climbed up his arm. As he let it do as it pleased out of not knowing what to do, Nine reached Sukuna’s shoulder, rubbed its head against his neck and curled up on the spot. It was warm and ticklish.

Sukuna’s cheeks slackened. Supporting Nine with one hand, he made sure it would not fall. Sitting down in a corner of the shack, he whispered in pauses, “I gotta protect him, huh.”

As if to respond to his talking to himself, Nine cried out a “mew, mew”.

◆

Even though he had consolidated his determination, on the very next day, Hikotarou popped up in front of Sukuna as he was getting ready to go home.

“Hey, Sukuna. Have you become an L ranker ye—ouch, owowowowow!”

As Hikotarou waved his hand lightly with the same bright smile as usual, Sukuna forcibly grabbed his wrist and went out to the corridor.

Hikotarou raised his voice in protest, “Wh-What’re you doing?! That hurts!”

“Shut up! Why did you take days off!?”

While Hikotarou was not coming to school, Sukuna had imagined all sorts of bad things. Such as, he could be preparing to be transferred or his parents could have told him to stay away from Sukuna. That was why he was awfully irritated by Hikotarou’s carefree smile.

However, Hikotarou, who had no idea about that, said while cackling a laugh, “My bad, my bad. I was just a bit busy with missions lately.”

Apparently, Hikotarou had been absent from school due to fake illness. As he said that he had been running around town while pretending he was at school in order to accomplish JUNGLE missions, Sukuna was flabbergasted.

Feeling spent, Sukuna leaned against the wall. He gave Hikotarou a sharp gaze. Fretting had made him look like an idiot.

At that moment, he realized something. Hikotarou’s forehead was just slightly swollen above his right eye.

“What’s that?”

As Sukuna pointed at it, Hikotarou raised his voice with an “aah” and said, “I hit it in the middle of a mission. Nothing to worry about.”

“Nobody’s worried.”

“Thought so. That aside, wanna go on a mission now?”

At Hikotarou’s shining eyes, Sukuna asked curiously, “Missions can be done in duos?”

“What, you didn’t know? There’s an urgent mission coming out now!”

“‘Urgent mission’?”

Despite finding the unfamiliar term strange, Sukuna tapped on JUNGLE and opened the “mission” tab. As he did so, the words “urgent mission” were indeed dancing over the top row. Unlike the other missions, a large red font was used for it.

The title was “Urgent Mission: Uwagami Town Survey”.

“Activating urgent mission. The mission content is a survey around Uwagami Town. Please record the cityscape and roads of Uwagami Town in photos and videos and upload them. For the photos, the reward is 5 JP each, and for the videos, 50 JP per minute. We will pay double the reward for videos near Uwagami First Street. Details are as follows─”

Sukuna dry-swallowed. “This is around here?”

“Yeah! So it’s a chance! It was activated just now, so most of the players haven’t noticed!”

Hikotarou was excited. Of course he was. Uwagami Town – moreover, the First Street – was precisely the surroundings of Uwagami Elementary, which Sukuna and Hikotarou had to pass through. Meaning that they would earn JPs just by taking pictures of this area. It was as if dirt had turned into gold.

“All right! Let’s go!” Squeezing his PDA, Sukuna gave a broad nod. As if he were infected by Hikotarou’s enthusiasm, his chest started throbbing.

◆

Uwagami Town was a high-class residential area located in the heart of the city center. The adjacent Shimogami Town was a government district where governmental facilities were concentrated, and many people who belonged to government agencies lived in it. In particular, there were police officers stationed in front of mansions where important people lived, watching for suspicious figures.

To start off, Sukuna took a picture of one of said police officers. The police officer merely squinted without saying anything.

“First, 5JP!”

“Let’s go steady! Steady!”

Talking loudly to each other, the two took pictures one after another. A two-lane main street that ran from east to west through Uwagami Town, an enormous building under construction, a vast parking lot, commercial buildings lined up as if to jostle one another, a spacious park and the children playing tag in it.

Upon a more careful look, there were countless other people taking pictures like Sukuna and Hikotarou. Salary men, high school girls, housewives and even elders who, no matter how one looked at it, were over 70 were positioning their PDAs to photograph and record the streets. Amongst them, there were also those who were being interrogated by police officers due to taking pictures too unreservedly. They indeed looked suspicious.

The chances that Sukuna and Hikotarou would be questioned were slim, but they somewhat did not want to be regarded as the same as those people, so they started moving to less popular locations.

“Let’s go, Sukuna!”

“Ah, wait!”

The main street of Uwagami Town stretched through a beautifully maintained city, but when one entered one of the back streets, an old townscape spread out. The back alleys, so narrow that it seemed people would have a hard time just passing each other in them, had branches and leaves hanging over them as if they were tents. Hikotarou and Sukuna sprinted under the sunlight coming through the gaps between the leaves, storing everything that caught their eyes in pictures.

At the veranda of a wooden house, an old woman was napping with a cat on her lap. Just beside the gutter stood an outdated red post. In front of a mysterious shop, there were three lined-up statues of tanuki. Sukuna photographed them all with refreshing surprise.

“It might be my first time coming to a place like this.”

Hearing the whisper that leaked from Sukuna while taking pictures, Hikotarou made a skeptical face. “Your house is around here, ain’t it? Never went exploring?”

Sukuna shook his head. The only part of Uwagami Town he knew was the main street up to the school and its surroundings. He had never made side-trips or eaten outside – he was never given the choice to go “exploring”.

Because by no means would his mother allow such a “vulgar” conduct.

Head tilted, Hikotarou said with a nonchalant voice, “Hu~n... Welp, that’s okay. Then, I’ll be your guide!”

“You know much about it?”

“This area’s my backyard!” Hikotarou said, full of confidence and grinning.

With just a step, they jumped over a stream fortified with concrete. As an unknown dog barked at them, Sukuna laughed at Hikotarou for dropping his PDA. They hopped onto the block walls and rushed through as if to sew the gaps between the houses.

All of it was a new world that Sukuna did not know about. Every time he took cuts of said world, his JP went up. He was accumulating the power to open novel worlds. Absorbed in it, Sukuna pressed the shutter over and over.

Eventually, by the time that this unfamiliar world began to dye itself in the colors of sunset, an electronic sound suddenly echoed from the PDA.

“Urgent mission concluded! The cumulative JUNGLE Points will be calculated now. Please note that any subsequent shooting will not be converted into points!”

As the end of the mission was announced, Sukuna and Hikotarou looked at each other’s faces at the same time.

“How many did you take?”

“About 200, I guess. I’ll probably rank up with this!”

As Sukuna said so, Hikotarou grinned. “Then let’s celebrate!”

Hikotarou turned around, going back the way they had come from. Sukuna followed behind him.

Two arrived at the shop with the tanuki statues that they had seen on the way. The sign that the tanuki were holding had the words “snacks shop” on it.

Sukuna stared at it in puzzlement. “What’s a snack?”

“For real?! No, well, that’s right. You’re a rich kid.”

Sukuna was offended by the disbelief in the way he spoke. However, Hikotarou opened the glass door unconcernedly and stepped into the store.

It was small and dim. The objects tightly crammed into the cupboards and baskets were all things that Sukuna did not get very well.

When he picked one up and inspected it, he found that it was a bag with richly colored gummy-like things inside. It looked like some new type of poison, but he could not rule out the possibility that it was food.

“Sukuna, you’re taking that? Then me too,” Hikotarou said, stealing it from Sukuna’s hands.

“No, hum—”

“Granny~, I’m leaving the money here~.”

“Aight~.”

Ignoring Sukuna’s voice, Hikotarou put money on the front edge of the unattended entranceway and then took cider from the refrigerator. Without time to do as much as be surprised at this innovative system, in which the owner of the shop did not have to even show her face, Sukuna was taken outside by Hikotarou and the two sat down next to the tanuki.

“My treat. We’re celebrating your raising of status!”

Being handed the colorful gummies bag, Sukuna stared fixatedly at it and opened his mouth in hesitation, “Hey, is this...”

“Edible?” was what he intended to ask, yet Hikotarou was devouring them without paying him any mind. Apparently, it was really food.

He opened the seal. If his mother knew Sukuna was eating something that had any foreign substance in it, his mother would probably pass out. That was why Sukuna closed his eyes, readied himself and threw it into his mouth.

“How is it? Good?”

As Hikotarou asked innocently, Sukuna said with an indescribable facial expression, “Tastes like chemicals.”

“That’s what’s good about it. Feel like you’re gonna get addicted to it one of these days?”

“Don’t wanna be.”

Sukuna washed his throat with the cider. Heaving a breath, he looked at the tanuki statues beside him.

“I didn’t know this kind of store existed at all.”

“Told ya that this area was my backyard, didn’t I? There’s lots of other places like this one!”

Earnestly impressed with an “eeeh”, he casually asked, “So your house is around here?”

Hikotarou’s smile instantly thinned. “Hm, well, kinda like that.”

Hikotarou’s complex facial expression caused Sukuna to hesitate asking any further, so he kept his mouth shut. It might be that he did not want to talk about his home circumstances. It was not as if Sukuna wanted to pry either.

Hikotarou was completely different from his “school friends” of until now. He knew Sukuna was a member of the Gojou family, but was not swayed by that. He saw Sukuna for what he was.

So his home circumstances did not matter.

“I see,” Sukuna replied with a mutter, looking up at the sky.

A large airship was crossing the sky, which was painted in sunset colors.

As he ate the mysterious gummy candy and drank the cider, a question left Sukuna’s mouth out of the blue, “By the way, what was so urgent in that urgent mission?”

“Eh?”

“Well, ain’t it kinda weird to make a survey of the city into an emergency? Just what’s the reason to investigate the city in such a hurry?”

Folding his arms, Hikotarou began to think. “Now that you mentioned, it’s indeed suspicious. The reward’s too high in the first place.”

“For starters, who issued that mission? I’d never heard of an urgent mission until now, y’know?”

Sukuna opened his PDA, which was in the middle of charging, tapping the “mission” tab. Even if a mission had already ended, one could check the details from the history category.

Hikotarou explained while doing the same as him, “Just like the name says, urgent missions are missions with a high level of urgency. They’re easy to spot ‘cause they come from the top of the list, but they charge a lot, so not many people issue them. To begin with, only upper rankers can activate these. Well, the one who issued it was—”

“H. N”.

That was the name of the player who had triggered the urgent mission. Apparently formed of just initials, the handle name was tasteless and dull. Even as they tried jumping to the user page, most of the information was private. There was no doubt that this was a top ranker, but they found out nothing more.

Staring in a daze at H. N.’s user page, Sukuna opened his mouth, “Since we’re at it, let’s try to guess. This guy’s objective, I mean.”

“I’m in.”

Meaning that, just as when Hikotarou’s mission and Sukuna’s JP gains had been speculated about, they would try to conclude what goal this H. N. person had that warranted issuing an urgent mission.

“It told us to take pics of the city. Is he a cameraman or something?”

“There’s no way a pro would use photos taken by amateurs. He’s better off doing it himself on that matter.”

“So, in any case, he just needed a big amount of them? He used lots of users for it ‘cause he wouldn’t be able to handle it on his own?”

“If he were taking a bunch of pics alone, he might be warned off by the police. But if it’s done in large numbers, he’d get the pics even if one or two people were caught. Besides—” Sukuna pointed to a sentence in the mission details. “Here says, ‘back alleys that aren’t on the map will give you bonuses’. So he wants info on backstreets, secret paths and the like?”

“For what?”

“The only thing that comes to mind right off the bat is, well – a preliminary investigation, I guess.”

“Of what?”

“Let’s see; some kind of data—”

“Like an escape route?”

The duo’s smiles disappeared at this casual phrase.

Those were disturbing words. As they could not grasp the whole picture, their imaginations were awfully agitated. Pulling their faces close to each other’s, the two continued the “speculation”.

“Escape route for who?”

“If he gotta run, he must be a criminal.”

“Like, say, a robber?”

“There’s government buildings here, so ain’t it more possible that he’s a terrorist?”

Silence.

The “caw, caw” cry of the crows echoed comically. The two burst into laughter at the same time.

“N-No way! There’s no chance that’d be it!”

“Y-Yeah! None, none! No way there’d be terrorists in Japan!”

While laughing, they were aware there a somewhat dry ring was mixed in it. Indeed, something of that sort was, first of all, probably impossible. However, it was not as if it did not exist.

Most importantly, there was nothing they could do now. They had already submitted the photos. No matter what H. N. was scheming, they could do nothing about it.

Even so, unable to erase the vague fear he had once acquired, Sukuna peeked at his PDA. In that moment, a fanfare-like sound played from the PDA. A holographic image of a deformed parrot character – Jumpy – appeared, dancing around Sukuna and Hikotarou’s general area.

“Urgent mission accomplished! 2745 points added to your JUNGLE Points! Rank up! Five has been promoted to JUNGLE L-ranker. Congratulations.”

Just like dates changed, the rank display in his own page was replaced with a flashing noise. From E-ranker to L-ranker. Along with that, the functions that had been restricted until now were unlocked as well. New rank mission ordering rights, mission activation rights, AR function usage rights—

Sukuna felt that his world had expanded yet again.

When he looked to the side, Hikotarou was raising his cider bottle with a cheerful smile.

“Congrats on your promotion, Sukuna!”

“Thanks.”

As Sukuna gave a lopsided smile, he and Hikotarou had a toast with their cider bottles.

Yeah, that’s right.

JUNGLE was the source of Sukuna’s power. It was a window that showed a new world to someone like him, who was bound hand and foot by his parents and simply made to walk the rails that had been decided for him.

No matter how shady it was, he could not think of losing it. That was about as terrifying as losing Hikotarou.

“Hey? Sukuna?”

He came to his senses. It seemed Hikotarou was calling him.

“A-Aah. What is it?”

“Just wondering how the cat Nine is going.”

“Aah, he’s so well that it’s a problem. He climbed on my shoulder a while ago—”

“Eh~, what’s up with that? He’s never done that with me!”

Laughing at Hikotarou’s sullen face, Sukuna said, “Then come see him next time. He’ll be happy too, for sure!”

“Yeah, true. One of these days.” Hikotarou laughed faintly, filling his mouth with cider.

◆

He woke up early that day.

“6AM?” as he whispered, a yawn came out. Sukuna turned off his PDA, put it in his sleepwear’s pocket and got up from his bed.

He had to wake up earlier than usual ever since bringing Nine in. That was the expected, as he was the only one looking after it. He had to set up a time to take care of Nine before going to and after returning from school.

He quietly slipped out of his bedroom and headed to the first floor, sneaking out through the window of an unused guest room. He had secured this “escape route” by making use of Grass Root. He picked places where the servants would not be and times when they would not be around, rushing within the stipulated period.

Therefore, he was at ease. He had made sure that by no means would anyone find out about it.

Upon opening the door, Sukuna learned that this was nothing but an assumption.

Nine had disappeared from the shack.

His heart resounded with a strong thump.

He wondered if it was hiding somewhere. It was a kitten. It might have crawled into a spot that would not cross his mind.

However, he could not find such a breach anywhere in the shack. Neither could he hear its voice. It would always come crying loudly and cling to Sukuna whenever he arrived.

There was only an empty basket and a blanket that had grown cold in there.

He peeked into the bowl that he had filled to the brim with water. It had not decreased in the slightest. Was it not going thirsty or hungry, wherever it was? For starters, where had it even gone? His own expression full of anxiety was reflected over the water in the bowl.

As he looked at himself in blank amazement, a sweet voice coiled around him from behind, “Sukuna.”

His body trembled with a start.

As he turned around with eyes wide-open, his mother was standing at the shack’s entrance. Her red lips were forming a smile. Both her arms were holding a basket with a pure-white kitten on it.

“If you want something, you can just tell your mother.”

Grinning at him while he was motionless as if frozen, Sukuna’s mother left the basket with the white kitten by his feet. Not making the littlest movement, the white kitten stared fixatedly ahead, as if already disciplined to do so.

Words finally spilled from his dry mouth, “Where’s Nine?”

His mother tilted her head, but after catching on, she at last said, “If you mean that filthy one, it has been disposed of.” She spoke while smiling, “You wanted a cat, right, Sukuna? If so, you should purchase a proper one.”

Her hand caressed Sukuna’s hair. As though she were admiring a treasure.

“You mustn’t touch such a dirty stray cat like that one. What if you were scratched and contracted some disease? My dear Sukuna, I can’t let you do that.”

Sukuna looked down at the white kitten. It was well-manneredly, quietly sitting in the basket. There was a luxury accessory, adorned with a golden chain and red ribbon, fitted around its neck.

It was a choker.

While he was looking down at the kitten, a dark emotion gushed forth within Sukuna. It was a sensation that he had tasted countless times until now. When those people had tried to provide him friends. When he found out that those people were watching his room. That was the feeling that welled up inside.

He had managed to swallow it down until now. He had been able to control it. Because he was aware, somewhere in his heart, that there would be no going back once he laid it bare.

But he believed that, if he gulped it down now, something within him would definitely end up broken.

Therefore, Sukuna reached out and took the bowl full of water in his hand. As he glared at his mother, the smile disappeared from her red lips. Fear did not surge even as he saw this. More strongly than that, the dark emotion – “hatred” – was filling Sukuna from the inside.

“WHO—” He swung up the water bowl. “—SAID I WANTED A CAT?!!”

Sukuna slammed it at the kitten.

The bowl did not hit it directly. It collided with the nearby wall, bouncing off a big splash. Struck by said splash, the kitten let out a cry and jumped off the basket. It ran to a corner of the shack and gazed up at Sukuna as if scared of him.

When he saw that look, the dark feeling was gone like a retracting tide.

The kitten was not at fault for anything. It was simply brought here unknowing of anything and made into a replacement for some stranger. It was shameful and pathetic of him to take his anger out on it. He felt like he had become the same kind of person as his mother. Sukuna sensed that his own hatred was aimed at himself.

On the other hand—

Any facial expression had vanished from his mother’s face. She was as expressionless as a Noh mask. Lips sewed into a thin line, she stared intently at Sukuna.

Sukuna did not return the gaze. However, he did not attempt to explain himself either. It was not that he feared doing so. But because he was repulsed of even speaking to her.

After a moment of silence that could be deemed as an eternity, his mother muttered in a few words, “Really? I see.” She then turned on her heels, exiting the dim shack.

Left behind, Sukuna did nothing. He crouched on the spot, burying his face in-between his knees. Recalling Nine’s voice whenever it called for him, the softness of its fur whenever it snuck up to him and the ticklishness of its breath whenever it sniffed him, Sukuna cried with his shoulders shaking.

The white kitten was observing Sukuna.

◆

The next day, Sukuna found the collar that the white kitten had been wearing inside his residence’s trashcan.

That was what happened to the things Sukuna said he did not want.

◆

What should he say to Hikotarou? Lying on his bed, that was all Sukuna could think about.

The answer did not come to him. There was no way it would. The one who had offered to take in the kitten Nine, which Hikotarou found and had been taking care of, was Sukuna himself. There was no way he could tell him that his parents had found out about it and gotten rid of it.

Ever since losing Nine, Sukuna had secluded himself in his room, refusing to go to school or even eat, thinking about this all the while. His parents had knocked on his door and spoken words mixed with persuasion, and every time he heard their voices, he desperately had to overcome the urge to clear them away using the ESP App.

What should he say to Hikotarou? This question without an answer occurred to him whenever he opened JUNGLE and saw messages from Hikotarou piling up.

Amidst his spiraling thoughts, Sukuna became someone who did nothing but fiddle with his PDA. After all, he was able to escape from this reality just by staring at the several lined-up missions in JUNGLE.

The reality was catching up quickly.

It was no coincidence that Sukuna had activated Grass Root at that moment. He was wary of his parents perhaps trying to force him out of the room if he kept shutting himself in it.

Only the security surveillance cameras of the lowest floor could be viewed on Grass Root, but it could detect if someone were to break through the door of his room. He had not decided what to do when that happened, but he imagined that he would likely have to use an item from the ESP App.

However, that did not happen.

The one projected in the surveillance camera was not the robust guard-man. It was a man clad in a wrinkly suit and a boy who he was bringing with him.

“Hikotarou? Why...?”

With the words that he had whispered in a daze, Sukuna awoke at once. There was no “why”. It was because his parents had found out that Hikotarou existed.

Sukuna felt goosebumps. He jumped out of bed and rushed to the door of his bedroom, but gave up on opening it.

There were lookouts on the other side. His mother had arranged a sleepless watch so that she could deal with Sukuna whenever he came out. If he came out, he would quickly be caught and transferred somewhere else. And then, he would never get to see Hikotarou again.

The door’s no good. I need a different means of escape—

He looked back. Outside the window, he could see the trunk of a garden tree about three meters away. Even if one jumped off the windowsill, they would not be able to reach it.

That was the case for ordinary humans. However, Sukuna was a JUNGLE player.

Taking out his PDA, he opened it without hesitation. He activated the item “physical strengthening”, which was within the power of L-rankers.

Instantaneously, a green electric current burst out from the PDA, ran through Sukuna’s whole body and then disappeared into thin air. However, that strength remained within Sukuna. Each time his heart struck a beat, a force that was not his own circulated his blood vessels, his muscles absorbing it.

A countdown appeared on his PDA. He did not know the reasoning behind it, but once this period was over, his power would be gone as well.

In short, he had no time to waste.

Sukuna opened the window and jumped up. The unbelievable jumping power more than compensated for the three meters. The momentum was so strong that he almost missed the tree trunk, spiraling around it when he reached out and clung to it. His eyes spinning from the gymnast-like maneuver, Sukuna jumped from branch to branch and landed as if rolling down.

Sukuna broke into a run barefoot.

It was not as if he could do anything by running. Sukuna’s parents would not listen to his opinions. Rather, they may consider Hikotarou even more dangerous as a cause of his rebellion against them.

However, he had a feeling that he would resent it for the rest of his life if he just watched the current situation with a finger in his mouth.

From the position of the surveillance cameras, he calculated the place where Hikotarou would be at right now. It was one of the normally unused reception rooms. He ran along the outer walls, taking a wide turn around the mansion. Holding onto the reception room’s window, he quietly peeked inside.

And so, Sukuna experienced a lifelong regret.

“Good job on your report,” his father said, sitting on an extravagant chair.

The middle-aged man and Hikotarou were standing opposite to him, on the other side of the office desk. The middle-aged man was giving his father a toadying smile. Hikotarou, standing next to him, was merely staring at his toes with a mask-like expressionless face.

Sukuna’s heart began to beat copiously fast. If he kept looking at this scene, he would lose something important. Even though he knew this, he was unable to take his eyes off it.

“You might be poor, but since you have enough brains to be able to talk to him as an equal, we have selected you to be his friend as a special case.”

Sukuna’s breath caught. The conversation he was hearing through the window was as vague as a nightmare, with no sense of reality to it.

“Make sure to do your job modest and humbly. I have already transferred this month’s payment.”

“Thank you very much! Hey, you show gratitude too.”

While bowing repeatedly, the middle-aged man put his hand on the back of Hikotarou’s head and squeezed it with force. Unresisting, Hikotarou let himself be handled and bowed his head. He weakly muttered incoherent words.

He was extending his gratitude. To Sukuna’s father. To the power of the Gojou household.

His father leaned his body against the backrest and looked down at the two. “However, your interactions seem to be going too far lately. My wife is worried that Sukuna might have become defiant due to bad influence from you.”

The face of the middle-aged man quickly turned pale.

“Who was it that put in word so that someone from the fallen Kue family could somehow attend that school? I would like you to be a bit more aware of that.”

“M-My deepest apologies! Hey, you!”

The middle-aged man grabbed Hikotarou’s head violently. Hikotarou let him do as he pleased. He was mumbling something – perhaps apologizing?

Enough already. I don’t wanna see any more of this.

He did not want to see Hikotarou – his friend – like that. Still, in the end, that “friend” was also nothing more than something those people had arranged for him.

After watching Hikotarou receive punishment for a moment, his father raised his hand. “Do that somewhere my eyes can’t reach.”

“Yes! I-I always—”

“Enough of that. Sukuna is what matters now.”

Hearing the name, Hikotarou sluggishly raised his head.

“He has been confining himself in his bedroom all the time lately. I called you here to convince Sukuna. Talk him into it and bring him out of his room.”

“O-Of course! Hiko! Get ready at once!”

“Hum.” At that moment, Hikotarou’s voice sounded clear for the first time. “Sukuna has been absent from school all this time... Is he sick or something like that?”

Snorting, Sukuna’s father narrowed his eyes as if to poke fun at Hikotarou. “There seems to be no problem with his health. Apparently, he had picked a stray cat recently. By the looks of it, he got angry because we disposed of it. Honestly, children are so...”

Hikotarou went stiff. His small hands balled into fists.

“If he wants a replacement, we can provide anything he wishes. So hurry and do something about this. It will be bad for our reputation if the current situation continues as it is.”

Hearing the words of his father, who thought of no one but himself, Sukuna slammed the windowsill with his hand, reinforced by JUNGLE’s superhuman abilities. The only one who noticed the sound was Hikotarou. His eyes alone moved, taking in Sukuna’s figure. Their gazes met for just an instant. Yet Sukuna would probably never forget those wide-open eyes.

Sukuna peeled his body away from the window. He had lost all reason to stay in that place.

The “physical strengthening” was still within its effect time. Making full use of that power, he ran. Tears spilled as he rushed through the estate’s garden.

That was the first friend he had made ever since he was born. For the first time ever since being born, he had admired someone and thought of him as even cooler than himself. He had taught Sukuna about many things. Such as the enormous power that he had never even imagined and a new world that he had never so much as noticed, even though it was lying right next to him. He deemed the memories of breathing in the air of freedom and of playing around shoulder-to-shoulder with him as brightly sparkling jewels.

However, they were not jewels but glass marbles arranged for him by the adults.

He had nothing. The resounding beating of his heart, the new world that shone so vividly – everything had disappeared. Right now, the all that surrounded Sukuna were adults so filthy they made him want to throw up, as well as the fakes they had provided for him—

No.

“That’s not true,” Sukuna muttered little by little.

At the same time, an electronic voice echoed from the PDA in his hand, “The effect time of item ‘Physical Strengthening’ has expired. If you wish to extend the effect time, please add extra JUNGLE Points—”

“Extend effect.”

“Voiceprint authentication confirmed. Consuming JUNGLE Points in order to maintain effect duration.”

Hikotarou was a fake. A fake that his parents had prepared for him. Whenever he was with Sukuna or whenever he laughed, he had been probably making a fool out of Sukuna deep down.

Nevertheless, it was not as if everything was fake.

Only this power, JUNGLE, was real. True strength. A tangible world. Beyond that window, a new world was spreading out. That was the sole truth.

And right now, having wiped the tears away, Sukuna was seeing yet another world.

In that world, Sukuna was free. Sukuna was lonely. Having lost his only friend, Sukuna figured that there was no longer anything chaining him to that place now. The exciting world that he had once had a glimpse of together with Hikotarou was lost forever, and the only thing spreading out before Sukuna was a desolated, perishing world.

Yet he had no options anymore but to jump into it.

Strengthening this resolve, Sukuna set forth while gritting his back teeth.

◆

On the day that Sukuna used JUNGLE’s superhuman abilities to the fullest, stealing everything he could take and vanishing from the Gojou house, a large number of thieves attacked Uwagami Town.

Multiple government officials’ homes were raided at the same time. After suppressing the police officers guarding them as if it were nothing, the thieves robbed all houses of information related to secrets of the state and disappeared into the back streets and alleys of Uwagami Town.

The Metropolitan Police Department identified the case as a large-scale beta case due to the clear criminal techniques and the testimony of police officers describing them as “physical abilities that would usually be impossible”. The command of the investigation was transferred to Scepter 4.

Sukuna only came to know about it much later.

[ayakashiramblings]

Dawn and Twilight’s Social Media Accounts

Kuya

@NevermoreButSnore.

1230 followers.

Yes, I copied Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, I’m not sorry about the rhyme. Or calling him out. 

Not that he really cares.

Insists that he is a headcanon creator on Twitter 

Everyone who follows him knows that he is lying. 

If we really had to classify him as a writer, it would one who posts those way-too-accurate posts about writers complaining about writing. 

Like the notebook hoarding one. Not that anyone here in the fandom is guilty of that, haha... haha... ha.

Ironically is one of the more popular ones out of the whole group. 

His flat responses and laziness are way too prominent to NOT be noticed. 

If you actually tentatively sneak into his DMs though, for writing tips, he will patiently listen and... rather bluntly advise you. 

It’s still advice though and is always the type to check out and reblog any short fanfics.

It just has to be weird, sporadic hours because he is the type to fall asleep with the phone on his face. 

Koga Kitamikado

1230 followers.

@CapitalKayKay

Listen, there is a reason why a lot of successful businesses chose Instagram as their social media so Koga is no exception. 

What makes his account stand out, as you can see from his rather cheeky username, is that he is willing to be an open book. 

So he isn’t constantly shoving down any products he is sponsoring or whatever piece he is endorsing. 

It’s more of genuinely wanting to hang out and explore what the world has to offer. 

Whenever he posts a picture of the gang together, he’s the one tagging all of them, even the ones with hard usernames.

And there’s always a nice comment thanking whoever hosted the fun time or being appreciative of the area and the locals.

It helps that he has a sense of humour so the memes are always just the right amount of teasing but nothing too bad that will deter potential clients.

Because of his down-to-earth nature, he reels everyone in.

Uses the space to invite everyone following him on any celebration/casual outing.

The thing is... he has a lot of followers.

So... good luck.

Aoi

1150 followers.

@DeredArtTooTsun

Look, even he knows he is a Tsundere. It’s a small victory getting him to acknowledge that, let alone use it to brand himself here.

But god, he’s the man I’m most jealous of on Tumblr.

PERFECT BULLET JOURNALS AND SKETCHES.

Got the spreads that literally define ‘aesthetic’, a perfect lineup of art materials even with pencils that have their numbers faded, and somehow, the emotions can pass through the paper and screen.

Even does tutorials on perspectives, positions with cute annotations. Just don’t praise them for being adorable though and focus on improving your skills, dummy.

Ironically though, it’s his mindless vents that get the most number of notes.

It helps that the pics include him, a very cute... I mean... manly boy screaming at very, very hot men.

A bit baffled but whatever it takes to get commissions. 

That’s right, he takes them. At least there is a back-up option should the restaurant ever go out of business. 

Spoiler Alert: Still doesn’t get paid as much. People, have you seen the number of talented artists here? Aoi might be in the rankings but it’s still hard attracting business.

Support your fandom artists, everyone!

Ginnojo

1000 followers. Just nice.

Ginnojoz

Poor grandpa didn’t intend to put that extra ‘z’ letter, it was a typo because scales don’t get along with haptic touch. 

And unfortunately, doesn’t understand how to change it. 

Once, he was huge on Vine before it died. The end of an era that he has to witness again. RIP.

Gin-Gin, it is RIGHT. THERE.

Expect to find his super short self-defence videos and Book Club Readings on YouTube.

Girls actually appreciate his instructions and attempts to provide help even if they are alone. 

He did try to respond to the nice ones and actually succeeds. 

It’s always easier getting to know the language of women when you don’t really see/touch them.

A deep baritone is perfect for some sexy excerpt of a historical novel... 

Until he corrects the setting.

In fact, he sometimes rage-quits and rewrites it. 

Unlike Kuya, him doing those established ideas actually catches on. 

Yura and Gaku

1500 followers.

MelodyandTheBeat. 

... Tik-tokers. Tik-Tok people? 

WTH do you call them?

As you can see, they are the most popular since it’s combined stardom.

Look, their covers and music mixes are beautiful.

They always have their own version that somehow combines traditional Japanese music... with k-pop.

And of course, food porn. 

Just be grateful there isn’t that awful squelching sound you hear when you consume jelly or the breaking of chilli seeds. 

Listen, I usually separate them because it’s never nice to be grouped as having the same activity as your twin. 

But in this case, being both equally beautiful AND talented sells their uploads. 

Even the cringy ones made because Yura is such a Luddite. 

Like just turning his head and being amazed his hair can turn so many colours, being impressed with each tilt until he gets to a black shade. 

Suddenly hurls the phone away. Gee, wonder why? Guess black isn’t the new... black for him?

Gaku sometimes even introduces new filters he created based on Yura’s random requests that strangely get circulated on the site. 

Oji

550 followers all know Oji-Sanz

Unlike Ginnojo, he deliberately adds the ‘z’ letter to sound cool.

You wanna know what’s worse? 

He actually uses Facebook. 

Aoi decides to give up on him. Nobody blames the poor student.

It’s apparently some old form of social media? Never used it, no sirree. 

Always changing his relationship status but at the end of the day, he’s single and ready... 

To post about all the lovely ladies destined to enter his restaurant. 

He thinks it’s great publicity. 

It really isn’t but one good thing about Oji is he includes EVERYONE.

This man respects his customers and always helps advertise their wares, especially if their connections lead to more resources. 

And less grocery shopping on his part.

Does post the recipes he and Aoi created but will never use because the Milk Hall had a certain style to follow.

Officially makes Aoi his son... on Facebook at least. 

Aoi now tolerates the account. 

Barely. 

Toichiro Yuri

WhatheMeSay has 1231 followers! 

In your face @CapitalKayKay and @NevermorebutSnore!!

You know, I’m so glad that there aren’t any users with those names because I’d be so scared of accidentally tagging them.

Also, geddit? Because... What the fox say? 

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding... yeah, I’ll stop.

Pinterest Guy. And actually does spend on his ‘hobby’ to show off to everyone.

It does boost you and your father’s sales so there is nothing to complain about. 

His boards are always alliterated just to sound super catchy and it works so long as he gets the right emoji. 

Kabuki plays better be promoted or else.

Filled with candid pictures of his victims all taken at different angles you didn’t know were possible and in varying degrees of hilariously misunderstood positions.

He even supplies a donation link, heavily leveraged by his followers, since there are incentives tied to it like early access.

A bit suspicious the photos look like cropped out parts from Koga’s posts and some of the text resembles Kuya’s... er... wisdom?

He takes an unholy amount of selfies when he thinks no one is looking and so they are always surprised upon finding them on the Selfie Board. 

There is a locked board that no one can access, even his followers who are his comrades in real life. 

It’s actually just one picture in there. 

It’s you smiling and giggling at a joke of his. Not even you know it’s been taken. Guess he is as soft as his fur, eh? He better come out soon or else.

Kuro

Kuroruohtumbling

Ginnojo is unfortunately just old enough to have grown up with Scooby-Doo to understand the reference.

Snapchat, like a snapping snake! Hiss!

Unironically loves the puppy face.

Ok, but the glimpses of his stunts help show snippets of the circus life. 

He and his whole troupe family will even don costumes best suited for certain filters.

Sometimes ropes in Ginnojo... and by sometimes, I mean enough for everyone to start wondering if the stoic man is part of the act. 

To be fair, he randomly hugs people and ranks them here.

You, of course, were number 1. 

Now, if only he didn’t use the bloody song to announce it but you forgive him.

Maybe even risks revealing his ayakashi form before deleting the message to you.

Loves making international fans and learning various languages through each post, sort of like flashcards but animated and more fun!

And with 1200 followers, he might become a polyglot like Koga.

Shizuki 

Everyone bans him from creating one. 

Because they know the power of his roasts is too great. 

Little do they know he goes undercover. 

Underground.

And under their noses.

That’s right. His rant town on... MySpace. 

Unapologetically uses a good chunk of his salary from serving the House of Yuri just to get nifty themes that help with the whole burning process. 

Look, there’s a reason he and Oji are friends. 

This is why. 

Their taste in women seems fine but we really have got to do something about their affinity towards DEAD PLACES.

To be fair, he made the whole thing drunk but that doesn’t mean he should maintain it SOBER.

He just feels that it is a waste of space if he doesn’t utilize it. 

And it also becomes kind of cathartic. From the intrusive hugs to his master and Sir Gaku irking each other to no end, he needs it. 

Zero followers... but only because it’s super private. 

It becomes 1 the moment you jokingly create an account. 

[coopdigitalnewsletter]

11 Feb 2021: Boohoo and Asos at the Arcadia pick ‘n’ mix. Vaccine websites. Internet vs Wall Street.

Hello, this is the Co-op Digital newsletter. Thank you for reading - send ideas and feedback to @rod on Twitter. Please tell a friend about it!

[Image: Insider Media]

Boohoo and Asos at the Arcadia pick ‘n’ mix

High street shopping footfall fell by three quarters year on year, and non-food sales by 22bn. Oof. Some of that will bounce back after virus restrictions lift, but some won’t. Shopping behaviour is changing permanently, and online retailers are buying up distressed high street brands, leaving their stores behind.

Online brand umbrella/retailer Boohoo bought Dorothy Perkins, Wallis and Burton from Arcadia, but not the stores. Online retailer Asos bought most of the rest of Arcadia - Topshop, Miss Selfridge, HIIT, and again the stores were left. And the week before, Boohoo bought some bit of Debenhams - the customer data and other intellectual property including the website, but not the stores. These brands obviously go online-only, there will be many unfortunate job losses, and the high street faces further challenges. (Related: Topshop: 'I haven't bought clothes in a shop for years'.)

But it isn’t quite as simple as “online versus offline” because there are other dynamics at work. Social media platforms are competing with websites to be the online place you shop (eg Tiktok). “Direct to consumer” brands were well positioned when the virus hit because they generally had a lot of online and relatively few stores, but now DTC brands are considering how to make a play in physical retail. And anyway, the divide between online and physical retail isn’t as clear as it used to be now that many retailers are both on the high street and online, which has implications for any plans around online sales taxes.

Vaccine websites

What’s happening in the world of vaccines technology? UK bosses set up IT systems to track Covid vaccine status of staff: 

“some companies announcing they would either sack or refuse to hire people who will not take a Covid-19 vaccine [...] Workday, which provides payroll and other human resources software to 1,300 companies in the UK, and BrightHR, which works with 70,000 small businesses around the world, have both rolled out monitoring tools this month.” 

USA: What went wrong with America’s $44 million vaccine data system? - the “CDC ordered software that was meant to manage the vaccine rollout. Instead, it has been plagued by problems and abandoned by most states.” Perhaps because of this, people are fed up with broken vaccine appointment tools - so they’re building their own - this seems like something the states or Federal government should be doing much better (here are some good pointers from Public Digital).

EU/UK: There’s been a simmering disagreement between UK and EU over access to AstraZeneca vaccines. So... was vaccine strategy influenced by Soderbergh film Contagion?: 

“[Hancock] would keep referring to the end of the film. He was always really aware from the very start, first that the vaccine was really important, second that when a vaccine was developed we would see an almighty global scramble for this thing.”

Big tech carbon plans

Last week we looked at the carbon plans of UK supermarkets. For comparison, here are the climate/carbon plans of some of the very big tech companies:

Apple - carbon neutral by 2030 (announcement).

Microsoft - carbon negative by 2030 (progress).

Amazon - carbon neutral by 2040, 50% of shipments net zero by 2030. (Progress.)

Google - carbon neutral since 2007, “legacy carbon” eliminated 2020, Carbon free by 2030 (announcement).

Tesla - its impact report (pdf) has lots of good reading, though it doesn’t seem to mention a carbon neutrality target. Tesla recently earmarked $150m for carbon capture projects, good! However, Tesla is also buying Bitcoins which are deeply wasteful of energy, bad! (see below).

Facebook - carbon neutral by 2030.

Microsoft, Amazon and Google run the big cloud platforms, and supply computing and data services to everyone, including the fossil fuel industry. This feels like a potential sore point in years to come.

Related: in 2020 wind turbines provided about 25% of electricity in the UK, and in EU renewable energy outperformed fossil fuels.

Bitcoin again

The speculative crypto asset Bitcoin continues to climb in value. Recently, the newsletter disliked the idea that Bitcoin is a battery. Also in the news: Tesla bought $1.5bn of Bitcoin (p23 of this pdf) for “diversifying our reserves” reasons, and may accept payments in btc too. And Bitcoin consumes more electricity than Argentina.

This from Alex Hern was a very good and entertaining read, and explains why Bitcoin (and other “proof of work” cryptos) are so energy inefficient:

“For the uninitiated, Bitcoin is secured by burning electricity. I am simplifying to the extent that people will shout at me but: every ten minutes, the bitcoin network randomly holds a lottery to let someone declare which transactions are valid, and to gift them 6.25btc, or £200,000. You get entries into the lottery by doing pointless calculations: one pointless calculation is one ticket. 

The pointless calculations cost computing power, which costs electricity, which costs real money, and so in aggregate two things happen: one is that the people who win the lottery have an incentive to accurately declare which transactions are valid, because if they lie, they'll just get overruled by the next lottery winner, and because controlling enough computing power to guarantee you win, say, ten lotteries in a row would be astronomically expensive; and the other is that the amount of electricity burned by the network levels out at about that which you can buy for 900btc, or £29m a day – the total value of all the lottery tickets every day.”

Gamestop: the internet vs Wall Street?

A week or so ago, there was a big loolah as internet users “took on” Wall Street in the stock market, bidding up the stock price of a struggling retailer and crunching some Wall Street hedge fund investors. Inevitably the price of the stock then came back down, leaving some investors with big wins and some with big losses. It was an internet lolz meme stonk vs Gordo Gecko fomomentum trading kind of thing. That is a deeply simplistic and incomplete way of describing what happened, and if you’d like to read more, here are some good links: The game never stops, and Off Wall St and off off Wall St, and a subreddit (wall street bets) taking down a multi-billion dollar hedge fund (salty language), and How Wall St Bets pushed Gamestop to the moon.

You could say that retail investing is being amplified by a combination of free stock trading, the easy availability of margin and options (which let you amplify your gains or losses with borrowed money), stimulus cheques, the need to stay at home (boredom), and investors co-ordinating online in ways that are exciting/winning/dangerous… But the newsletter wouldn’t say that investing is now democratised, or that the little retail guy has more power than the Wall Street players. However *something* was happening, and the internet was part of it.

“it is pretty obvious that the internet is rewiring social relationships in profound ways, and that we are still in the early stages of that rewiring and the even earlier stages of trying to understand it. Money and value are artifacts of social relationships; why shouldn’t their meaning change as social media warps our brains and our society?”

Adobe Flash: make it last forever, friendship never ends

Complex systems have inherent risk: you’re wary about changing them because the effects might not be predictable. And the knowledge dissipates as employees move job or retire, making the systems more opaque and brittle.

Back in 2017, Adobe announced it would deactivate Flash at the end of 2020 - Flash is a multimedia technology from 1996, a time when the Spice Girls owned the singles charts. So in January, Adobe pressed the big red button which probably did a pleasing animated click as it switched off Flash everywhere. But that broke things for some organisations: deactivation of Flash may have crippled a Chinese railroad for a day.

If you want to keep using Flash, you need to use niche web browsers. Or maybe you could persuade the South African government to treat you as a critical supplier: the South African revenue service released its own browser just to re-enable Flash support. They must have felt it would be easier to create and support a Windows-only, their-website-only browser than port some forms over from Flash to html. OK then. 

Co-op Digital news

How we improved engagement at our community of practice meet-ups - “In May last year, the delivery managers (DM) decided to make some changes to our community of practice meet-ups. We think the changes have been really positive for morale and engagement”.

Thank you for reading

Thank you friends, readers and contributors. Please continue to send ideas, questions, corrections, improvements, etc to @rod on Twitter. If you have enjoyed reading, please tell a friend! If you want to find out more about Co-op Digital, follow us @CoopDigital on Twitter and read the Co-op Digital Blog. Previous newsletters.

[tripstations]

Travel tech: How much is too much?

(CNN) — It was late. I was tired. I needed to feed my nephew fast so we could get some much-needed rest without yet another “outing.”

Having just returned to the hotel room after a full day of travel, we could barely speak.

And when you’re that exhausted, the idea of being able to order food without talking to anyone — well, that’s luxury.

I used the in-room iPad, ordered some seriously pedestrian food that makes teenagers and 40-year-olds feel sated and complete, and marveled at the joys technology can bring.

Then, the phone rang.

“Hello? Miss Fletcher? I’m just calling to confirm your order …”

There were expletives that followed, but I won’t share them here.

Why would you offer the technology to free your guest from the “burden” of calling room service, only to call back to confirm and create an enormous amount of rage in an already volatile (read so very, very tired) guest?

Are ride-sharing apps beneficial to travelers? A big yes. (Most of the time.)

TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/AFP/Getty Images

Riddle me this: What has lots of technological touches and doesn’t actually help anyone solve a problem?

A good deal of consumer-facing travel technology is my answer.

Grab, Lyft, Uber: Thank you (most of the time).

Contactless payments when cash is not on hand: Thank you (most of the time).

Playing my Spotify playlist in the car hire? Thanks, but really, no. I spent a fortune on these headphones and blocking out the world is sometimes only possible in the back of the car for 30 minutes.

iPad in hotel room: No, thank you. (See above.)

Online check-in: Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

Text messages from the hotel to check in on me: No, no, no.

Too much technology? Too little?

I understand everyone has a different approach, opinion and expectation around the intersection of travel transactions and technology.

But I’ll say this and stand by it: A smile and a suggestion from a helpful, trustworthy human is greater than an offer to accept the terms of conditions to get a “deal” I probably don’t need.

But occasionally only tech will do.

For example, when I need a last-minute reservation, and a trusted media source (CNN Travel) says, “this spot is one of the best, order this, here are a few top alternatives.”

We’ve come a long way, baby. In the 1950s, inflight entertainment meant checkers and cigarettes.

Frederic Lewis/Archive Photos/Getty Images

Or, I go onto a booking site, and voila, dinner for four at 7 p.m. and yes I’ll invite my guests thank you very much. No, I will not confirm my reservation more than once.

But how much tech is too much? How little is too little?

I do not have the answer, but I think there’s something we all forget. We are living through a technological, digital revolution. I wonder and marvel at all the changes in how we travel since I was a child.

There were smoking sections on planes, everyone was generally picked up and dropped off by family and friends at the airport, or you rented a car — or a car and driver.

Back then there was a movie on the plane. One movie. And chances are, you’d seen it. In a movie theater.

You read books, magazines, newspapers and were weighed down by their girth. (Again, I know plenty of people who still do printed matter for their travels. Except maps. No maps.)

Long before the days of social media, ‘sharing your holiday photos’ often involved using one of these tech relics.

Chaloner Woods/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

There was also smoking in restaurants and bars (and there are still some in the world), coins in the jukebox, writing a check to your travel agent (Jeannie, if you’re out there, thank you for everything before the internet)!

We actually had to endure slide shows (imagine a conference room PowerPoint presentation and sub in your mom, a neighbor named Andy, and a handful of disgruntled friends and relatives, and you’re there).

“This is us at the Trevi fountain.”

“Look, Uncle Jerry rode a camel.”

“This lion almost ate us.”

Missing that human touch

In one — I like to think relatively short — lifetime, we’re talking about a sea change that even the skilled “trend spotters” among us could never have predicted. And there’s so much more to come that we can’t even imagine.

I adore technology. When I want to find out what the best airport lounge is in Mexico City, I text a friend who travels there every few weeks.

I use it to see if I can get a table at Maison Yaki in Brooklyn or Odette in Singapore (computer says no), or if I know anyone who knows anyone who can get me in to Maison Yaki or Odette (kind of, but I hate to impose).

I set reminders, I cross-reference several sites, apps and social media. I search reliable media sources and reach out to friends who love to eat and travel and never do anything shabbily.

The future of travel…dinosaur bellboys? These happy robots greet guests checking into Tokyo’s Henn-na Hotel.

KAZUHIRO NOGI/AFP/Getty Imags

I keep and flag emails, bookmark relevant content, track flight prices and play with all the options. Basically, like everyone else on Earth right now: I do all the things.

I stare at my airline app to see which seat is best (cross-referenced with another app). I game my miles, my upgrades, my points, my status, my credit cards, my loyalty. It’s probably taking up the time I should’ve spent writing my novel no one would read anyway.

My credit cards are saved as auto-fill, as are my billing and shipping addresses (yes, machine, they are different.)

We are global citizens grateful for WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram, free Wi-Fi, global data plans (it behooves me to mention that CNN is owned by WarnerMedia and AT&T), maps, emails and aggregated lists saved on the “cloud,” recommendations from locals and expats, electronically accessible within seconds.

What is missing, though, in most of these things, is a human person to talk to about it. Planning a trip is one thing, but acting on it, making irreversible, expensive decisions, putting your money down, worrying that you’ll make a mistake or have a bad time or sweat the weather forecast is another.

The perfect alchemy of tech and truth

CNN’s James Williams enjoys a night in Aloft — the smart hotel for the digital age — and also meets a humanoid who helps guests check in to flights.

As a travel editor, and a curious and experienced traveler, my default is as follows: I want to help people the way that Google and Facebook can’t.

I want to be your friend and help you make the best decisions for you based on the most thorough and accurate information available — a dream that’s within reach because of technology.

I believe there’s a real opportunity to serve travelers those personal touches we all appreciate and enjoy with the technology that can solve common problems.

AI can aggregate, assume preferences based on previous purchases and transactions.

Search engines can put the highest bidder or the person with the most followers up top, expecting you not to go full Indiana Jones and dig up the thing to find the other better thing.

But travelers need trust, honesty and no interest other than helping you go somewhere you want to — and to eat and sleep well while you’re there.

Just ask any hotel staff member who has to sift through all the vitriolic comments left by customers or competitors on review sites who are not acting in anyone’s best interest save their own.

Regardless, there’s something about walking into a restaurant or a hotel or an airplane gate and being greeted with a smile. An offer of a small thing.

I’m here to say that the answer to the tech and travel conundrum isn’t another app.

It’s not another list or list of lists or someone sending you a list of lists.

It’s ideas. Supplied by someone who knows you and cares about your happiness (and that may also mean you give up a wee bit of data).

Together, we can figure out the perfect alchemy of tech and truth, personhood and prompt. But human conversations and contact are what will lead the charge.

Or, at least, I hope so.

Brekke Fletcher is Executive Editor of CNN Travel

The post Travel tech: How much is too much? appeared first on Tripstations.

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[approachingmindfulnessblog]

Day 1

You can only start at the beginning. 

This blog begins because as I slowly sift through through the constant stream of stimulus that makes up my life, I’m discovering what’s important to me, I’m discovering my goals and dreams and aspirations, and I’m finding that I need a place to put them all, to organize my thoughts, a place to use my voice and hold myself accountable. 

I’m a 17 year old girl. Right now my life is about college applications, and starting senior year, and hanging out with friends and enjoying my summer and managing my (3) jobs and trying to imagine a future for myself. Approaching adulthood, if you will. 

To me these things matter, and matter a great deal, but I can’t help but feel that my life is also cluttered by so many things that don’t matter. This is especially true of my life before I traveled to Guatemala this summer, returning for two weeks after my first trip a year ago, with my service group. 

Even before returning to Guatemala, I knew that there were too many things in my life that weren’t contributing any depth. Hollow things that I was allowing to fill empty spaces, where I could instead have been thinking and living more meaningfully. 

The past year, my junior year, was an incredibly difficult one for me. I can imagine that some day, years from now, describing that year as “incredibly” difficult might be humorous to me, as I’m sure it’s likely my life will contain much worse years by the time it’s through. But in truth, it was a bad year. It’s safe to say I was in a bad place, spending most of the year heartbroken, with several moderate episodes of depression. Though I continued to grow as a person, and I do believe I’ve gotten and continue to get better at managing my anxiety, events that year really pushed my stress levels to new highs. To make matters worse, I tried to cope with many of these things in the wrong ways. Irresponsible spending (”retail therapy”, as i referred to it), and killing an impressive amount of time with mindless and meaningless activities (social media) being some of the worst culprits. In the moment, being on my phone or spending money, eating out of boredom or playing games to procrastinate felt good, but they were really bad habits I was using as a crutch, and my productivity and overall wellbeing suffered tremendously. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, I became aware that the choices I was making were harmful for myself, and for the world around me. I discovered the term “bullet journal”, and became interested in the idea of organizing your life and focusing on reflection. I have started 3 different journals since January first, and each time it has been a rocky, stop-and-go experience where I have failed to maintain consistent usage and organization. I haven’t given up, though. I see the positive influence my bujo makes in my life when I am able to stay with it, and I’m determined to make it stick. 

The next step in my awareness was in food. I committed to eating healthier over a year and a half ago now, and even when I was really and truly struggling in almost every facet of my life, I managed to more-or-less maintain my healthy eating habits. But just a few months ago I began watching documentaries, initially just as a way to kill time. My first documentary was Food, Inc. I learned about the power of the food industries in the United States, where I live, and the way they have abused their power. I learned about the mistreatment of living animals and the careless (and therefore dangerous) treatment of the food while it is being processed. I learned about the mistreatment of workers and farmers, and about the mistreatment and even brainwashing of consumers. Frankly, I was horrified. Still, I wasn’t really sure what to do about it. After all, I wasn’t the one buying groceries in my family, where the idea of paying a dollar more for organic was considered wasteful. Then, I watched Cowspiracy. I’d always had a lot of respect for veganism, but never really considered going vegan myself, as I felt it was “too much work,” and “not enough protein.” After seeing Cowspiracy, I decided there would be no more excuses. I felt it was my responsibility to stop eating animal products. I wanted to begin my transition to veganism immediately, but I feared my family’s reaction. My mother was already complaining about the way I had cut a lot of sugar and dairy out of my diet to take care of my skin, telling me that she didn’t like the way I was limiting myself, food wise. I also didn’t want to make myself a burden to my Guatemalan hosts, as I knew that I would soon be traveling to San Miguel Escobar and staying with a local family who would have had to cater to my special dietary needs. So I settled on going vegan this summer, assuring my parents that I would take it slow, first going pescatarian, then vegetarian, and only then going vegan. After watching that documentary, though, I began grimacing every time I was fed meat. 

My awareness was further pushed as I learned more about technology. I knew that I was spending too much time on my phone, I knew it was easy to accidentally kill hours on the internet, deep down I even knew that my phone was hindering my ability to get things done, but outwardly I didn’t really believe there was a problem. Then I saw a 60 Minutes segment on Brain Hacking. I came to understand just how much power my phone held over me. I vowed to myself that I would do something about it, and immediately deleted any apps on my phone that I wasn’t using, such as random games I had downloaded out of momentary boredom. I promised myself that when I left for Guatemala I would delete my social media, where I was spending hours a day. 

My first trip to Guatemala with Global Leaders, a year ago, was undeniably a growing experience for me. It was my first time leaving the country, and it opened my eyes and set me on the path I’m walking now. I was so inspired by what I experienced that I joined the GL Executive Board last year, and in the spring I was voted Executive Director of the nonprofit. From the start, even when I was struggling tremendously in other areas of my life, I was pushing to get permission to go on the summer service trip again this year, this time as a Junior Leader. The trip became a beacon of hope for me, a light at the end of the tunnel, as junior year became harder and harder to handle. My experience was incredible, and incredibly awakening. I became more aware of how passively I had been living, and I began brainstorming ways in which I could do more for myself and the world around me, and use my time more meaningfully. 

When I returned home, I went vegan immediately. With the exception of accidentally eating a buttery breadstick last week, I haven’t consumed animal products in over three weeks. I began composting, creating less waste, turning the water off in the shower as much as possible, and unplugging electronics that weren’t in use. I promised myself that I would only buy clothing that was fair trade, because everyone deserves to make a living wage. I did delete most of my social media, and the rest is on its way out. But I think what I am most proud of, is the fact that I have continued to pursue more awareness, and deeper meaning.  One of the next documentaries I watched was What The Health, about the way our current mainstream approach to food is failing our health needs. While researching fair trade fashion brands, I stumbled onto the term “capsule closet” (or “capsule wardrobe”), which lead me to two new documentaries and a whole new set of ideals. I first watched Minimalism, and realized that I had so much stuff, just so much meaningless shit, that was taking up space, wasting money and not contributing to my life in a meaningful way, and I could live without it. In fact, I could live more meaningfully without all of it. This, for me, was an incredibly freeing thing to realize, and incredibly inspiring. I, the ceaseless shopper, have vowed to not buy a single item of clothing for three months. In that time I will just wear what I have (and in fact my closet is already full to bursting), and anything that is not worn, or that I discover when I am honest with myself that I simply do not love, will be sold or donated. Slowly, as “fast fashion” pieces give out and unloved clothes are eliminated, I will create for myself a small capsule wardrobe of fair trade, eco-conscious, vegan clothing that I can be proud of. 

I thought I understood the importance of ethically made clothing, but The True Cost gave new depth to that understanding for me. We are exploiting our workers and our environment, and the “”gains”” are no gains at all. Consumers are being brainwashed into becoming more and more materialistic, into wanting things they do not need or truly benefit from, and into buying cheaply made, low quality goods. 

Everywhere I look, gargantuan industries are using and abusing everyone and everything in their path for the sake of profits. I see systems that appear strong from afar, but inside are rotten to the core, and ready for collapse. I want to support small farms, I want to support small businesses, I want to support ethical and eco-conscious practices. 

For me these are the most important things, and the things in life I never want to lose sight of, especially not because I’ve moved backwards and begun focusing on the meaningless things I once let dominate my life. 

The purpose of this blog is to keep me centered on what I believe makes a life meaningful and mindful.

[of-books-and-pen]

10 Book Recommendations for Earth Day (2017)

I’m doing something special because today is Earth Day and I can’t attend March for Science. As you may or may not know, I’m working toward a degree in Marine Science with a minor in Biology and focuses in Conservation and Ecology. The big thing I want to do with my knowledge is to help coral around the world, whether it’s to help build or protect more reefs, get into aquaculture, or educate people at aquariums. There’s a lot of information being thrown around by everyone and their mother about whether or not climate change exists or opinions on conversation in general.  A lot of ecofriendly or eco-conscious people want to help but don’t know what to do, where to start, or who to listen to. Below I have listed a bunch of books by environmentalists, conservationists, and other people of science so that you may be able to get a sense for yourself as to what to believe and do. (Sorry in advance if the pictures are in poor quality)

1.      Silent Spring by Rachel Carson

Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring was first published in three serialized excerpts in the New Yorker in June of 1962. The book appeared in September of that year and the outcry that followed its publication forced the banning of DDT and spurred revolutionary changes in the laws affecting our air, land, and water. Carson’s passionate concern for the future of our planet reverberated powerfully throughout the world, and her eloquent book was instrumental in launching the environmental movement. (Goodreads)

Basically she wrote about the effects of DDT on birds through biomagnification. DDT was a chemical that never dissolved or removed as waste from the bodies of organisms, once consumed it stuck with the organism even after death. Biomagnification is when something like a chemical increases in concentration as it moves up the food chain, getting to its highest concentration in top predators in an environment. DDT really affected the birds at the top of the food chain like eagles and pelicans, weakening the egg shells to the point of fracturing, leading to drastic population declines for many birds, including the Bald Eagle.

2.      The Sea Around Us by Rachel Carson

This book is basically Carson’s way of introducing the ocean to the general audience and familiarizing them with a lot of the processes that make it function and the unique creatures found there. I really want to read this book, if I can ever get my hands on it!

3.      The Lorax by Dr. Seuss

"UNLESS someone like you...cares a whole awful lot...nothing is going to get better...It's not." Long before saving the earth became a global concern, Dr. Seuss, speaking through his character the Lorax, warned against mindless progress and the danger it posed to the earth's natural beauty. (Goodreads)

This book gets mixed reviews, even within the science community. I’ve still added it to this list because my conservation ecology professor talked about it in class some a few times. It’s a good example for the tragedy of the commons and the effects of overharvesting. Many people claim that no human would ever let something like this happen, that they would eventually stop but history has proven otherwise. Real life examples including the extinction of the Dodo and the Steller Sea Cow, and the fall of Easter Island where many species of plant life native only to that island were lost due to overharvesting.

4.      Walden by Henry David Thoreau

Walden, or, Life in the Woods, is an American book written by noted transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau. The work is part personal declaration of independence, social experiment, voyage of spiritual discovery, satire, and manual for self-reliance. Published in 1854, it details Thoreau's experiences over the course of two years in a cabin he built near Walden Pond, amid woodland owned by his friend and mentor Ralph Waldo Emerson, near Concord, Massachusetts. (Goodreads)

Thoreau believed that nature should be preserved because it was man’s closest link to God. He thought that humans needed nature to have a better spiritual connection. He was also one of the earliest natural historians and Walden was the most detailed account, at the time, about the nature of an area and how it changed over time.

5.      The Diversity of Life by Edward O. Wilson

In this book a master scientist tells the story of how life on earth evolved. Edward O. Wilson eloquently describes how the species of the world became diverse and why that diversity is threatened today as never before. A great spasm of extinction — the disappearance of whole species — is occurring now, caused this time entirely by humans. Unlike the deterioration of the physical environment, which can be halted, the loss of biodiversity is a far more complex problem — and it is irreversible. Defining a new environmental ethic, Wilson explains why we must rescue whole ecosystems, not only individual species. He calls for an end to conservation versus development arguments, and he outlines the massive shift in priorities needed to address this challenge. No writer, no scientist, is more qualified than Edward O. Wilson to describe, as he does here, the grandeur of evolution and what is at stake. (Goodreads)

If you’re interested in a detailed account on evolution and species diversity then this book may be interesting to you and intriguing. Species diversity is extremely important to the environment and is threatened by many things including climate change and anthropogenic actions. It’s also interesting to read about the argument to save the whole environment in which a species lives and not just that species, which is a concept that is really being pushed today in conservation.

6.      Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv

"I like to play indoors better 'cause that's where all the electrical outlets are," reports a fourth-grader. Never before in history have children been so plugged in—and so out of touch with the natural world. In this groundbreaking new work, child advocacy expert Richard Louv directly links the lack of nature in the lives of today's wired generation—he calls it nature deficit—to some of the most disturbing childhood trends, such as rises in obesity, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and depression.

Some startling facts: By the 1990s the radius around the home where children were allowed to roam on their own had shrunk to a ninth of what it had been in 1970. Today, average eight-year-olds are better able to identify cartoon characters than native species, such as beetles and oak trees, in their own community. The rate at which doctors prescribe antidepressants to children has doubled in the last five years, and recent studies show that too much computer use spells trouble for the developing mind.

Nature-deficit disorder is not a medical condition; it is a description of the human costs of alienation from nature. This alienation damages children and shapes adults, families, and communities. There are solutions, though, and they're right in our own backyards. Last child in the Woods is the first book to bring together cutting-edge research showing that direct exposure to nature is essential for healthy childhood development—physical, emotional, and spiritual. What's more, nature is a potent therapy for depression, obesity, and ADD. Environment-based education dramatically improves standardized test scores and grade point averages and develops skills in problem solving, critical thinking, and decision making. Even creativity is stimulated by childhood experiences in nature.

Yet sending kids outside to play is increasingly difficult. Computers, television, and video games compete for their time, of course, but it's also our fears of traffic, strangers, even virus-carrying mosquitoes—fears the media exploit—that keep children indoors. Meanwhile, schools assign more and more homework, and there is less and less access to natural areas. (Goodreads)

We also discussed this book in class earlier in the semester. My professor thought it important to point out how closely tied to nature we are and that our lives can be greatly affected by its absence. It’s an interesting read for anyone who wants to see the connections between a decline in physical and mental health and the amount of time we spend outside.

7.      Song of the Dodo by David Quammen

In The Song of the Dodo, we follow Quammen's keen intellect through the ideas, theories, and experiments of prominent naturalists of the last two centuries. We trail after him as he travels the world, tracking the subject of island biogeography, which encompasses nothing less than the study of the origin and extinction of all species. Why is this island idea so important? Because islands are where species most commonly go extinct -- and because, as Quammen points out, we live in an age when all of Earth's landscapes are being chopped into island-like fragments by human activity.

Through his eyes, we glimpse the nature of evolution and extinction, and in so doing come to understand the monumental diversity of our planet, and the importance of preserving its wild landscapes, animals, and plants. We also meet some fascinating human characters. By the book's end we are wiser, and more deeply concerned, but Quammen leaves us with a message of excitement and hope. (Goodreads)

Interesting read for anyone who wants to learn about the idea of Island Biogeography and extinction. An island isn’t necessarily a land mass surrounded by water, islands now can refer to any habitat that is surrounded by a completely different habitat. For instance, a small park in the middle of a city is considered an island, also lakes and mountain tops. The relation to the Dodo is that the bird went extinct rather quickly, before anyone could really record everything about it, after humans made contact with it. The Dodo went extinct because it could not leave the island and escape the new threat-humans.

8.      The Edge of the Sea by Rachel Carson

"The edge of the sea is a strange & beautiful place." A book to be read for pleasure as well as a practical identification guide, The Edge of the Sea introduces a world of teeming life where the sea meets the land. Rachel Carson's books have become cornerstones of the environmental & conservation movements. (Goodreads)

Another book by Rachel Carson that talks about the various environments found within the ocean and the creatures that inhabit them. Interesting read for learning and species classification.

9.      Plant Earth: As You’ve Never Seen it Before by Alastair Fothergill, Vanessa Berlowitz, Mark Brownlow, Huw Cordey, and Jonathan Keeling

A visual odyssey that will change the way we see our planet, this remarkable book, companion to the acclaimed Discovery Channel/ BBC series, is an enduring and awe-inspiring record of one of the most ambitious natural history projects ever undertaken. Using the latest aerial surveillance, state-of-the-art cameras, and high definition technology, the creators of Planet Earth have assembled more than 400 stunning photographs of wondrous natural landscapes from around the globe, including incredible footage of the rarely spotted, almost mythical creatures that live in these habitats. Many of the images reveal inaccessible places that few have seen and record animal behavior that has never been filmed or photographed before. With the help of this highly advanced technology and the world's premier wildlife photographers, the book takes us on a spectacular journey from the world's greatest rivers and impressive gorges, to its mightiest mountains, hidden caves and caverns, and vast deserts. Planet Earth captures breathtaking sequences of predators and their prey, lush vistas of forests viewed from the tops of towering trees, the oceans and their mysterious creatures viewed from beneath the surface, and much more—in a magnificent adventure that brings unknown wonders of the natural world into our living rooms. (Goodreads)

Pretty much if you like BBC’s Plant Earth series you’ll like this book. It’s full of pictures, detailed accounts, and bountiful information that you may find intriguing.

10.  The Forest Unseen by David George Haskell

A biologist reveals the secret world hidden in a single square meter of forest. In this wholly original book, biologist David Haskell uses a one-square-meter patch of old-growth Tennessee forest as a window onto the entire natural world. Visiting it almost daily for one year to trace nature’s path through the seasons, he brings the forest and its inhabitants to vivid life. Each of this book’s short chapters begins with a simple observation: a salamander scuttling across the leaf litter; the first blossom of spring wildflowers. From these, Haskell spins a brilliant web of biology and ecology, explaining the science that binds together the tiniest microbes and the largest mammals and describing the ecosystems that have cycled for thousands—sometimes millions—of years. Each visit to the forest presents a nature story in miniature as Haskell elegantly teases out the intricate relationships that order the creatures and plants that call it home. (Goodreads)

A book similar to Walden, it’s another natural account of an environment for a whole year. Interesting to anyone who enjoys short stories, liked Walden, or is fascinated by nature and how it changes over time.

[riichardwilson]

It’s Good To Talk: Thoughts And Feelings On Creative Wellness

About The Author

Jhey makes awesome things for awesome people! He’s a web developer with almost 10 years of experience. Working with and for names such as Eurostar, Uber, … More about Jhey …

With so much pressure to be our best selves and use every waking moment to develop skills, it’s easy to lose track of our own wellbeing. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great — but only if you find the right balance.

In fields as fast-paced and technical as web design and development, it’s easy to lose sight of our own wellbeing. For many, there’s a constant sense of trying to keep up or ahead. We may not even realize we’re doing it.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you stepped away for a day and didn’t think about coding or design for a day? For me, that’s very hard to answer. For many, it’s a vocation that we can’t switch on and off. We can’t turn it off at 5 or 6 PM. Let’s talk about that and ways we can deal with it.

It’s important to start right off the bat by saying this article isn’t a dictation. The aim here is to spark interest, engagement, and discussion. These are things that sometimes get lost in the whirlwind industry we are a part of. Different things work for different people, and these words are written with the best intentions.

Why now? I’d planned to write something about this topic at the tail end of last year. I was making my way back from my first NodeConfEU and feeling inspired by a talk I attended, “Building Open Source Communities with Tierney Cyren”.

I made a bunch of notes, then life and other commitments cropped up and the article made its way to the backburner. But, that’s OK. And that’s kind of where this post leads us to. It’s OK if you didn’t write that post, work on that side project this weekend, and so on.

Pressure Culture

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve seen or experienced pressure culture — that constant, nagging expectation to dedicate every waking hour to skills development and side projects, even if your heart might not be in it. This pressure can be self-imposed, and whether we like it or not social media also plays a big part. If we aren’t careful, it can eat away at us.

Pressure culture isn’t something that’s popped up recently. It’s been around a long time, a constant looming external force. Left unchecked it can fill you with guilt, anxiety, and other feelings we aren’t fond of.

Work/Play balance by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

This is a common result of the idea of ‘The ideal worker,’ with pressure coming from those higher up in workplace hierarchies. These ‘Never say no’ employees feel obliged to wear themselves thin in order to progress in their careers. There’s a great Harvard Business Review article called “Managing the High-Intensity Workplace” that explores this mindset.

Social media pressure is also very real. The tendency to idealize our online lives is well documented. We often forget that we are likely only looking at someone else’s highlight reel. That is true of work as well as play. If we forget that and spend a lot of time-consuming content from those we idolize, that pressure creeps in. We want to be as awesome as the people on our feed, but at what cost?

There was a period a little while back where tweets like this were quite frequent:

Get home.

Watch Netflix or do more coding learning?

Seems like a small decision.

For one night it is.

But multiplied over a year, this decision defines your future.

— 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗚𝗲𝗲𝗸 (@WellPaidGeek) November 6, 2019

The message is completely understandable. Time is valuable. The hard truth is that if you want to get far in your career, prepare to put in the hours. Nothing gets handed out. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great, but only if you find the right balance.

Messages like those above put you under an enormous amount of pressure. That pressure isn’t healthy, and can actually hamper your development. It can lead to things like burnout and potentially, even depression. What is burnout? This study phrases it quite well:

“Burnout is a psychological syndrome characterized by emotional exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and reduced personal accomplishment.”

It’s not a nice place to be. I can speak from experience here. Feeling as if things are bearing down on you and you need to keep up. “I need to make that new thing or learn that new framework to keep up with my peers.” I remember seeing tweets from people. They’d say things like, “I missed a day of my bootcamp course. I’d better do double tonight.” This makes for sad reading. You don’t want to end up resenting what you do for a job.

Burnout cannot only impact your personal wellbeing, but can also affect other areas of your life. Does your work suffer as a result? Do you still have the energy to give it your full attention? How about that creative spark? Is it gone? We’ve all heard of writer’s block. Well, creative’s block is a thing too!

The above tweet was a great example of how social media can influence us. Read the responses and engagement. There’s an almost 50⁄50 split on how it’s perceived. This response from Chris Coyler was great:

I don’t mind the sentiment here, but don’t burn out!https://t.co/Ho7CPcamEb

Just last night I had some stuff in mind I really wanted to get done on the ol laptop but I was just too tired after putting the kid down so I literally watched Netflix and everything will be ok

— Chris Coyier (@chriscoyier) November 6, 2019

And it’s so true. It’s OK to sit back and not force yourself to work on things. It’s fine to take the night off, the week off, and so on. Those projects will still be there for you. They’re not going anywhere. You might even decide you don’t want to return to them at all, and that’s fine too! It’s all about balance.

With the pandemic and many of us in lockdown, this trend has reared its head again. I’ve seen my fair share of messages implying if you haven’t picked up new skills with your new free time, you’ve wasted it. As if it’s some kind of opportunity. Not that a global pandemic is exhausting enough right?

Hopes and Dreams by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

Even now, pressure culture is not black and white. The free time gained where we had other commitments is an opportunity. An opportunity to try something new or do something we haven’t had the time for. It might be that that thing is ‘rest’. For me, my weekend commitments halted, so I decided to finally start streaming. And, I’ve loved it! Still, I try not to let it take up more time than my other commitments would. If it gets too much, I take a break and step away.

Handling Pressure Culture

Getting AFK (Away from keyboard)

How can we combat these feelings of pressure? It sounds like the opposite of what our minds tell us, but one way is to get away from that keyboard. Disconnect and go do something else. I’m not saying lock up your laptop for a week and go cold turkey, but a break does you good.

Go for a walk, read a book, do nothing! We already saw that Chris enjoys a night with Netflix! I myself recently picked up a stylus for the iPad so I can go chill out on a bean bag and sketch doodles. There’s also a 1000 piece puzzle laid out on a table downstairs that’s quite good to sit next to zone out with.

Yes, it’s difficult at the moment. We can’t make a trip to the theme park or the cinema or even hit the gym. But, we can still get AFK. Even sporadic breaks throughout the day can do you wonders. I often get up every once in a while and do a few handstands!

This is true even when the world isn’t in crisis. Getting away from things can be great for you. It’s not healthy to tie yourself to the same thing 24 hours a day. Step back, broaden your scope, and appreciate that there’s so much more on offer for you. Close this tab and get away now if you’d like. I’d prefer it if you stuck around until the end, though.

Getting AFK pic.twitter.com/tXSxB52gLk

— Jhey (@jh3yy) June 14, 2020

It might not even be a case of getting physically AFK either. There’s a Slack community I’m in that has this notion of ‘fun laptop time’ which is an interesting idea. Have a separate machine that you can unwind on or do other things on. One that isn’t logged in to social media perhaps? One that you can do ‘fun’ things on. Maybe that is still coding something or creative writing or watching a live stream. The possibilities are endless.

Give yourself space to live away from your work. This article on Lifehacker cites the case that taking up something new can help with burnout. I can relate to that too. Scheduling something completely unrelated to work is quite good at this. For me, I know when the season is in full swing, I’ll be spending some of my Saturdays AFK running around a field.

Footballlll! 🥳 pic.twitter.com/0c1XEIQMBu

— Jhey (@jh3yy) July 14, 2020

With AFK, we’re mainly referring to sitting at a desk with a physical keyboard. Odds are, if you have a smartphone, the little digital one on that isn’t far away. A FOMO tip that might seem counterintuitive is to share being AFK. Share what you’re up to with people. It might surprise you how much people appreciate seeing others getting AFK. Rachel’s been plane spotting for example!

Just picked this up on my PiAware tracker and watched it go overhead. https://t.co/MHPoXlPzmZ

— Rachel Andrew (@rachelandrew) May 28, 2020

Please Talk

And that leads us to the title of this post. It’s good to talk. Is there a stigma attached to talking about our feelings and struggles? Yes. Should there be? Hell no!

FOMO, burnout, depression, anxiety, and so on. They’re all real things and likely touch more of us than we know. I listen to various podcasts. I remember one in which the speaker and guest spoke about almost an obsession with chasing goals. When you reach that goal, you hit a low. Maybe it didn’t fill that void you were hoping for? But, although I wasn’t having a conversation with them, hearing that did me some good. It was relatable.

I’d had this feeling inside, never expressing it. Now I knew it wasn’t uncommon. So I spoke about it with other people, and they could relate too. One big example for me was buying my house. It had been a goal for a year or so to get on the property ladder. Once I got the keys, it was a bit deflating. But, I should’ve been super happy about it.

Return of Me by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

We could all bottle those things up. But, speaking about things and getting your thoughts out can go some way in taking the pressure off. Another perspective can really help you out! It might be hearing something as little as ‘I do that too’ or ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing great!’ that can go a long way. It’s not that you’re fishing for compliments, but it sometimes takes that other perspective to bring you back to reality.

Now don’t get me wrong. Talking about things is easier said than done, but the results might surprise you. Based on my own experience and others I’ve spoken to, here are some things you can do to combat those negative feelings.

Be willing to take the first step. Interaction doesn’t have to be a dying art. It won’t work for everyone and you can’t force others to embrace it. There will be those who do, though, people who feel exactly the same and were looking for someone to talk to.

Speak more openly. I’ve personally been terrible at this and I don’t mind admitting it. I’m getting better though. I speak more openly with those I engage with both on and offline and I’m happier for it. The takeaway being that there’s no shame in being yourself and doing what you want to do. If you’re being made to feel that way, it could be a good time to shift your circle or change up those you engage with. One nifty tip if you work remotely and feel isolated during the day is to set a reminder for yourself. For example, set a reminder every day at noon to reach out to people. This is quite effective. Most IM services can do this. For example, with Slack: /remind me "Reach out to people!" every weekday at 12:00 pm

If it can’t be offline, take it online. You don’t have to speak to people in person. Hop on a call with someone. Or even a video call. There are also so many online communities out there now too. If you don’t want to talk about how you feel, it’s great to even talk about what you’re up to or hear what others are up to. You soon realize people aren’t churning 24 hours a day like social media might have you think. I’ve recently joined an online community of creatives on Discord. I must say, it’s been brilliant. The Party Corgi network has been a game changer for me.

Broaden your scope. It’s so easy to lose track and become so focussed on your own little circle. I ended up randomly hopping around Twitch the other day. And I sat there and thought to myself, “This is brilliant”. There are so many creatives out there doing fantastic things, things I wasn’t even aware of. Why do I get so fixated on my own little bubble?

One tip that trumps all others? Be humble. You gain more from being positive. Good vibes breed good vibes. Plus, no one likes a hater.

To Conclude

It’s completely normal to feel a sense of pressure or get that horrible ‘imposter syndrome.’ But, don’t let it get to you. Do what you can and what you want to. Don’t sacrifice your health to get ahead. It’s OK to step away sometimes.

The next time you feel a little overwhelmed with things and feel that pressure coming for you. Have a chat with a family member, reach out to a colleague, even an online acquaintance. Maybe share it with folks at Smashing? I love seeing what people get up to.

If this is a career you plan on sticking with, what’s the rush? You might be doing this for tens of years. Embrace your journey. It’s not a race. For one thing, you might not even be on the same road.

Further Reading on SmashingMag:

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[scpie]

It’s Good To Talk: Thoughts And Feelings On Creative Wellness

About The Author

Jhey makes awesome things for awesome people! He’s a web developer with almost 10 years of experience. Working with and for names such as Eurostar, Uber, … More about Jhey …

With so much pressure to be our best selves and use every waking moment to develop skills, it’s easy to lose track of our own wellbeing. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great — but only if you find the right balance.

In fields as fast-paced and technical as web design and development, it’s easy to lose sight of our own wellbeing. For many, there’s a constant sense of trying to keep up or ahead. We may not even realize we’re doing it.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you stepped away for a day and didn’t think about coding or design for a day? For me, that’s very hard to answer. For many, it’s a vocation that we can’t switch on and off. We can’t turn it off at 5 or 6 PM. Let’s talk about that and ways we can deal with it.

It’s important to start right off the bat by saying this article isn’t a dictation. The aim here is to spark interest, engagement, and discussion. These are things that sometimes get lost in the whirlwind industry we are a part of. Different things work for different people, and these words are written with the best intentions.

Why now? I’d planned to write something about this topic at the tail end of last year. I was making my way back from my first NodeConfEU and feeling inspired by a talk I attended, “Building Open Source Communities with Tierney Cyren”.

I made a bunch of notes, then life and other commitments cropped up and the article made its way to the backburner. But, that’s OK. And that’s kind of where this post leads us to. It’s OK if you didn’t write that post, work on that side project this weekend, and so on.

Pressure Culture

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve seen or experienced pressure culture — that constant, nagging expectation to dedicate every waking hour to skills development and side projects, even if your heart might not be in it. This pressure can be self-imposed, and whether we like it or not social media also plays a big part. If we aren’t careful, it can eat away at us.

Pressure culture isn’t something that’s popped up recently. It’s been around a long time, a constant looming external force. Left unchecked it can fill you with guilt, anxiety, and other feelings we aren’t fond of.

Work/Play balance by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

This is a common result of the idea of ‘The ideal worker,’ with pressure coming from those higher up in workplace hierarchies. These ‘Never say no’ employees feel obliged to wear themselves thin in order to progress in their careers. There’s a great Harvard Business Review article called “Managing the High-Intensity Workplace” that explores this mindset.

Social media pressure is also very real. The tendency to idealize our online lives is well documented. We often forget that we are likely only looking at someone else’s highlight reel. That is true of work as well as play. If we forget that and spend a lot of time-consuming content from those we idolize, that pressure creeps in. We want to be as awesome as the people on our feed, but at what cost?

There was a period a little while back where tweets like this were quite frequent:

Get home.

Watch Netflix or do more coding learning?

Seems like a small decision.

For one night it is.

But multiplied over a year, this decision defines your future.

— 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗚𝗲𝗲𝗸 (@WellPaidGeek) November 6, 2019

The message is completely understandable. Time is valuable. The hard truth is that if you want to get far in your career, prepare to put in the hours. Nothing gets handed out. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great, but only if you find the right balance.

Messages like those above put you under an enormous amount of pressure. That pressure isn’t healthy, and can actually hamper your development. It can lead to things like burnout and potentially, even depression. What is burnout? This study phrases it quite well:

“Burnout is a psychological syndrome characterized by emotional exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and reduced personal accomplishment.”

It’s not a nice place to be. I can speak from experience here. Feeling as if things are bearing down on you and you need to keep up. “I need to make that new thing or learn that new framework to keep up with my peers.” I remember seeing tweets from people. They’d say things like, “I missed a day of my bootcamp course. I’d better do double tonight.” This makes for sad reading. You don’t want to end up resenting what you do for a job.

Burnout cannot only impact your personal wellbeing, but can also affect other areas of your life. Does your work suffer as a result? Do you still have the energy to give it your full attention? How about that creative spark? Is it gone? We’ve all heard of writer’s block. Well, creative’s block is a thing too!

The above tweet was a great example of how social media can influence us. Read the responses and engagement. There’s an almost 50⁄50 split on how it’s perceived. This response from Chris Coyler was great:

I don’t mind the sentiment here, but don’t burn out!https://t.co/Ho7CPcamEb

Just last night I had some stuff in mind I really wanted to get done on the ol laptop but I was just too tired after putting the kid down so I literally watched Netflix and everything will be ok

— Chris Coyier (@chriscoyier) November 6, 2019

And it’s so true. It’s OK to sit back and not force yourself to work on things. It’s fine to take the night off, the week off, and so on. Those projects will still be there for you. They’re not going anywhere. You might even decide you don’t want to return to them at all, and that’s fine too! It’s all about balance.

With the pandemic and many of us in lockdown, this trend has reared its head again. I’ve seen my fair share of messages implying if you haven’t picked up new skills with your new free time, you’ve wasted it. As if it’s some kind of opportunity. Not that a global pandemic is exhausting enough right?

Hopes and Dreams by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

Even now, pressure culture is not black and white. The free time gained where we had other commitments is an opportunity. An opportunity to try something new or do something we haven’t had the time for. It might be that that thing is ‘rest’. For me, my weekend commitments halted, so I decided to finally start streaming. And, I’ve loved it! Still, I try not to let it take up more time than my other commitments would. If it gets too much, I take a break and step away.

Handling Pressure Culture

Getting AFK (Away from keyboard)

How can we combat these feelings of pressure? It sounds like the opposite of what our minds tell us, but one way is to get away from that keyboard. Disconnect and go do something else. I’m not saying lock up your laptop for a week and go cold turkey, but a break does you good.

Go for a walk, read a book, do nothing! We already saw that Chris enjoys a night with Netflix! I myself recently picked up a stylus for the iPad so I can go chill out on a bean bag and sketch doodles. There’s also a 1000 piece puzzle laid out on a table downstairs that’s quite good to sit next to zone out with.

Yes, it’s difficult at the moment. We can’t make a trip to the theme park or the cinema or even hit the gym. But, we can still get AFK. Even sporadic breaks throughout the day can do you wonders. I often get up every once in a while and do a few handstands!

This is true even when the world isn’t in crisis. Getting away from things can be great for you. It’s not healthy to tie yourself to the same thing 24 hours a day. Step back, broaden your scope, and appreciate that there’s so much more on offer for you. Close this tab and get away now if you’d like. I’d prefer it if you stuck around until the end, though.

Getting AFK pic.twitter.com/tXSxB52gLk

— Jhey (@jh3yy) June 14, 2020

It might not even be a case of getting physically AFK either. There’s a Slack community I’m in that has this notion of ‘fun laptop time’ which is an interesting idea. Have a separate machine that you can unwind on or do other things on. One that isn’t logged in to social media perhaps? One that you can do ‘fun’ things on. Maybe that is still coding something or creative writing or watching a live stream. The possibilities are endless.

Give yourself space to live away from your work. This article on Lifehacker cites the case that taking up something new can help with burnout. I can relate to that too. Scheduling something completely unrelated to work is quite good at this. For me, I know when the season is in full swing, I’ll be spending some of my Saturdays AFK running around a field.

Footballlll! 🥳 pic.twitter.com/0c1XEIQMBu

— Jhey (@jh3yy) July 14, 2020

With AFK, we’re mainly referring to sitting at a desk with a physical keyboard. Odds are, if you have a smartphone, the little digital one on that isn’t far away. A FOMO tip that might seem counterintuitive is to share being AFK. Share what you’re up to with people. It might surprise you how much people appreciate seeing others getting AFK. Rachel’s been plane spotting for example!

Just picked this up on my PiAware tracker and watched it go overhead. https://t.co/MHPoXlPzmZ

— Rachel Andrew (@rachelandrew) May 28, 2020

Please Talk

And that leads us to the title of this post. It’s good to talk. Is there a stigma attached to talking about our feelings and struggles? Yes. Should there be? Hell no!

FOMO, burnout, depression, anxiety, and so on. They’re all real things and likely touch more of us than we know. I listen to various podcasts. I remember one in which the speaker and guest spoke about almost an obsession with chasing goals. When you reach that goal, you hit a low. Maybe it didn’t fill that void you were hoping for? But, although I wasn’t having a conversation with them, hearing that did me some good. It was relatable.

I’d had this feeling inside, never expressing it. Now I knew it wasn’t uncommon. So I spoke about it with other people, and they could relate too. One big example for me was buying my house. It had been a goal for a year or so to get on the property ladder. Once I got the keys, it was a bit deflating. But, I should’ve been super happy about it.

Return of Me by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

We could all bottle those things up. But, speaking about things and getting your thoughts out can go some way in taking the pressure off. Another perspective can really help you out! It might be hearing something as little as ‘I do that too’ or ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing great!’ that can go a long way. It’s not that you’re fishing for compliments, but it sometimes takes that other perspective to bring you back to reality.

Now don’t get me wrong. Talking about things is easier said than done, but the results might surprise you. Based on my own experience and others I’ve spoken to, here are some things you can do to combat those negative feelings.

Be willing to take the first step. Interaction doesn’t have to be a dying art. It won’t work for everyone and you can’t force others to embrace it. There will be those who do, though, people who feel exactly the same and were looking for someone to talk to.

Speak more openly. I’ve personally been terrible at this and I don’t mind admitting it. I’m getting better though. I speak more openly with those I engage with both on and offline and I’m happier for it. The takeaway being that there’s no shame in being yourself and doing what you want to do. If you’re being made to feel that way, it could be a good time to shift your circle or change up those you engage with. One nifty tip if you work remotely and feel isolated during the day is to set a reminder for yourself. For example, set a reminder every day at noon to reach out to people. This is quite effective. Most IM services can do this. For example, with Slack: /remind me "Reach out to people!" every weekday at 12:00 pm

If it can’t be offline, take it online. You don’t have to speak to people in person. Hop on a call with someone. Or even a video call. There are also so many online communities out there now too. If you don’t want to talk about how you feel, it’s great to even talk about what you’re up to or hear what others are up to. You soon realize people aren’t churning 24 hours a day like social media might have you think. I’ve recently joined an online community of creatives on Discord. I must say, it’s been brilliant. The Party Corgi network has been a game changer for me.

Broaden your scope. It’s so easy to lose track and become so focussed on your own little circle. I ended up randomly hopping around Twitch the other day. And I sat there and thought to myself, “This is brilliant”. There are so many creatives out there doing fantastic things, things I wasn’t even aware of. Why do I get so fixated on my own little bubble?

One tip that trumps all others? Be humble. You gain more from being positive. Good vibes breed good vibes. Plus, no one likes a hater.

To Conclude

It’s completely normal to feel a sense of pressure or get that horrible ‘imposter syndrome.’ But, don’t let it get to you. Do what you can and what you want to. Don’t sacrifice your health to get ahead. It’s OK to step away sometimes.

The next time you feel a little overwhelmed with things and feel that pressure coming for you. Have a chat with a family member, reach out to a colleague, even an online acquaintance. Maybe share it with folks at Smashing? I love seeing what people get up to.

If this is a career you plan on sticking with, what’s the rush? You might be doing this for tens of years. Embrace your journey. It’s not a race. For one thing, you might not even be on the same road.

Further Reading on SmashingMag:

(fb, yk, il)

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/its-good-to-talk-thoughts-and-feelings-on-creative-wellness/

[laurelkrugerr]

It’s Good To Talk: Thoughts And Feelings On Creative Wellness

About The Author

Jhey makes awesome things for awesome people! He’s a web developer with almost 10 years of experience. Working with and for names such as Eurostar, Uber, … More about Jhey …

With so much pressure to be our best selves and use every waking moment to develop skills, it’s easy to lose track of our own wellbeing. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great — but only if you find the right balance.

In fields as fast-paced and technical as web design and development, it’s easy to lose sight of our own wellbeing. For many, there’s a constant sense of trying to keep up or ahead. We may not even realize we’re doing it.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you stepped away for a day and didn’t think about coding or design for a day? For me, that’s very hard to answer. For many, it’s a vocation that we can’t switch on and off. We can’t turn it off at 5 or 6 PM. Let’s talk about that and ways we can deal with it.

It’s important to start right off the bat by saying this article isn’t a dictation. The aim here is to spark interest, engagement, and discussion. These are things that sometimes get lost in the whirlwind industry we are a part of. Different things work for different people, and these words are written with the best intentions.

Why now? I’d planned to write something about this topic at the tail end of last year. I was making my way back from my first NodeConfEU and feeling inspired by a talk I attended, “Building Open Source Communities with Tierney Cyren”.

I made a bunch of notes, then life and other commitments cropped up and the article made its way to the backburner. But, that’s OK. And that’s kind of where this post leads us to. It’s OK if you didn’t write that post, work on that side project this weekend, and so on.

Pressure Culture

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve seen or experienced pressure culture — that constant, nagging expectation to dedicate every waking hour to skills development and side projects, even if your heart might not be in it. This pressure can be self-imposed, and whether we like it or not social media also plays a big part. If we aren’t careful, it can eat away at us.

Pressure culture isn’t something that’s popped up recently. It’s been around a long time, a constant looming external force. Left unchecked it can fill you with guilt, anxiety, and other feelings we aren’t fond of.

Work/Play balance by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

This is a common result of the idea of ‘The ideal worker,’ with pressure coming from those higher up in workplace hierarchies. These ‘Never say no’ employees feel obliged to wear themselves thin in order to progress in their careers. There’s a great Harvard Business Review article called “Managing the High-Intensity Workplace” that explores this mindset.

Social media pressure is also very real. The tendency to idealize our online lives is well documented. We often forget that we are likely only looking at someone else’s highlight reel. That is true of work as well as play. If we forget that and spend a lot of time-consuming content from those we idolize, that pressure creeps in. We want to be as awesome as the people on our feed, but at what cost?

There was a period a little while back where tweets like this were quite frequent:

Get home.

Watch Netflix or do more coding learning?

Seems like a small decision.

For one night it is.

But multiplied over a year, this decision defines your future.

— 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗚𝗲𝗲𝗸 (@WellPaidGeek) November 6, 2019

The message is completely understandable. Time is valuable. The hard truth is that if you want to get far in your career, prepare to put in the hours. Nothing gets handed out. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great, but only if you find the right balance.

Messages like those above put you under an enormous amount of pressure. That pressure isn’t healthy, and can actually hamper your development. It can lead to things like burnout and potentially, even depression. What is burnout? This study phrases it quite well:

“Burnout is a psychological syndrome characterized by emotional exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and reduced personal accomplishment.”

It’s not a nice place to be. I can speak from experience here. Feeling as if things are bearing down on you and you need to keep up. “I need to make that new thing or learn that new framework to keep up with my peers.” I remember seeing tweets from people. They’d say things like, “I missed a day of my bootcamp course. I’d better do double tonight.” This makes for sad reading. You don’t want to end up resenting what you do for a job.

Burnout cannot only impact your personal wellbeing, but can also affect other areas of your life. Does your work suffer as a result? Do you still have the energy to give it your full attention? How about that creative spark? Is it gone? We’ve all heard of writer’s block. Well, creative’s block is a thing too!

The above tweet was a great example of how social media can influence us. Read the responses and engagement. There’s an almost 50⁄50 split on how it’s perceived. This response from Chris Coyler was great:

I don’t mind the sentiment here, but don’t burn out!https://t.co/Ho7CPcamEb

Just last night I had some stuff in mind I really wanted to get done on the ol laptop but I was just too tired after putting the kid down so I literally watched Netflix and everything will be ok

— Chris Coyier (@chriscoyier) November 6, 2019

And it’s so true. It’s OK to sit back and not force yourself to work on things. It’s fine to take the night off, the week off, and so on. Those projects will still be there for you. They’re not going anywhere. You might even decide you don’t want to return to them at all, and that’s fine too! It’s all about balance.

With the pandemic and many of us in lockdown, this trend has reared its head again. I’ve seen my fair share of messages implying if you haven’t picked up new skills with your new free time, you’ve wasted it. As if it’s some kind of opportunity. Not that a global pandemic is exhausting enough right?

Hopes and Dreams by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

Even now, pressure culture is not black and white. The free time gained where we had other commitments is an opportunity. An opportunity to try something new or do something we haven’t had the time for. It might be that that thing is ‘rest’. For me, my weekend commitments halted, so I decided to finally start streaming. And, I’ve loved it! Still, I try not to let it take up more time than my other commitments would. If it gets too much, I take a break and step away.

Handling Pressure Culture

Getting AFK (Away from keyboard)

How can we combat these feelings of pressure? It sounds like the opposite of what our minds tell us, but one way is to get away from that keyboard. Disconnect and go do something else. I’m not saying lock up your laptop for a week and go cold turkey, but a break does you good.

Go for a walk, read a book, do nothing! We already saw that Chris enjoys a night with Netflix! I myself recently picked up a stylus for the iPad so I can go chill out on a bean bag and sketch doodles. There’s also a 1000 piece puzzle laid out on a table downstairs that’s quite good to sit next to zone out with.

Yes, it’s difficult at the moment. We can’t make a trip to the theme park or the cinema or even hit the gym. But, we can still get AFK. Even sporadic breaks throughout the day can do you wonders. I often get up every once in a while and do a few handstands!

This is true even when the world isn’t in crisis. Getting away from things can be great for you. It’s not healthy to tie yourself to the same thing 24 hours a day. Step back, broaden your scope, and appreciate that there’s so much more on offer for you. Close this tab and get away now if you’d like. I’d prefer it if you stuck around until the end, though.

Getting AFK pic.twitter.com/tXSxB52gLk

— Jhey (@jh3yy) June 14, 2020

It might not even be a case of getting physically AFK either. There’s a Slack community I’m in that has this notion of ‘fun laptop time’ which is an interesting idea. Have a separate machine that you can unwind on or do other things on. One that isn’t logged in to social media perhaps? One that you can do ‘fun’ things on. Maybe that is still coding something or creative writing or watching a live stream. The possibilities are endless.

Give yourself space to live away from your work. This article on Lifehacker cites the case that taking up something new can help with burnout. I can relate to that too. Scheduling something completely unrelated to work is quite good at this. For me, I know when the season is in full swing, I’ll be spending some of my Saturdays AFK running around a field.

Footballlll! 🥳 pic.twitter.com/0c1XEIQMBu

— Jhey (@jh3yy) July 14, 2020

With AFK, we’re mainly referring to sitting at a desk with a physical keyboard. Odds are, if you have a smartphone, the little digital one on that isn’t far away. A FOMO tip that might seem counterintuitive is to share being AFK. Share what you’re up to with people. It might surprise you how much people appreciate seeing others getting AFK. Rachel’s been plane spotting for example!

Just picked this up on my PiAware tracker and watched it go overhead. https://t.co/MHPoXlPzmZ

— Rachel Andrew (@rachelandrew) May 28, 2020

Please Talk

And that leads us to the title of this post. It’s good to talk. Is there a stigma attached to talking about our feelings and struggles? Yes. Should there be? Hell no!

FOMO, burnout, depression, anxiety, and so on. They’re all real things and likely touch more of us than we know. I listen to various podcasts. I remember one in which the speaker and guest spoke about almost an obsession with chasing goals. When you reach that goal, you hit a low. Maybe it didn’t fill that void you were hoping for? But, although I wasn’t having a conversation with them, hearing that did me some good. It was relatable.

I’d had this feeling inside, never expressing it. Now I knew it wasn’t uncommon. So I spoke about it with other people, and they could relate too. One big example for me was buying my house. It had been a goal for a year or so to get on the property ladder. Once I got the keys, it was a bit deflating. But, I should’ve been super happy about it.

Return of Me by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

We could all bottle those things up. But, speaking about things and getting your thoughts out can go some way in taking the pressure off. Another perspective can really help you out! It might be hearing something as little as ‘I do that too’ or ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing great!’ that can go a long way. It’s not that you’re fishing for compliments, but it sometimes takes that other perspective to bring you back to reality.

Now don’t get me wrong. Talking about things is easier said than done, but the results might surprise you. Based on my own experience and others I’ve spoken to, here are some things you can do to combat those negative feelings.

Be willing to take the first step. Interaction doesn’t have to be a dying art. It won’t work for everyone and you can’t force others to embrace it. There will be those who do, though, people who feel exactly the same and were looking for someone to talk to.

Speak more openly. I’ve personally been terrible at this and I don’t mind admitting it. I’m getting better though. I speak more openly with those I engage with both on and offline and I’m happier for it. The takeaway being that there’s no shame in being yourself and doing what you want to do. If you’re being made to feel that way, it could be a good time to shift your circle or change up those you engage with. One nifty tip if you work remotely and feel isolated during the day is to set a reminder for yourself. For example, set a reminder every day at noon to reach out to people. This is quite effective. Most IM services can do this. For example, with Slack: /remind me "Reach out to people!" every weekday at 12:00 pm

If it can’t be offline, take it online. You don’t have to speak to people in person. Hop on a call with someone. Or even a video call. There are also so many online communities out there now too. If you don’t want to talk about how you feel, it’s great to even talk about what you’re up to or hear what others are up to. You soon realize people aren’t churning 24 hours a day like social media might have you think. I’ve recently joined an online community of creatives on Discord. I must say, it’s been brilliant. The Party Corgi network has been a game changer for me.

Broaden your scope. It’s so easy to lose track and become so focussed on your own little circle. I ended up randomly hopping around Twitch the other day. And I sat there and thought to myself, “This is brilliant”. There are so many creatives out there doing fantastic things, things I wasn’t even aware of. Why do I get so fixated on my own little bubble?

One tip that trumps all others? Be humble. You gain more from being positive. Good vibes breed good vibes. Plus, no one likes a hater.

To Conclude

It’s completely normal to feel a sense of pressure or get that horrible ‘imposter syndrome.’ But, don’t let it get to you. Do what you can and what you want to. Don’t sacrifice your health to get ahead. It’s OK to step away sometimes.

The next time you feel a little overwhelmed with things and feel that pressure coming for you. Have a chat with a family member, reach out to a colleague, even an online acquaintance. Maybe share it with folks at Smashing? I love seeing what people get up to.

If this is a career you plan on sticking with, what’s the rush? You might be doing this for tens of years. Embrace your journey. It’s not a race. For one thing, you might not even be on the same road.

Further Reading on SmashingMag:

(fb, yk, il)

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/its-good-to-talk-thoughts-and-feelings-on-creative-wellness/ source https://scpie1.blogspot.com/2020/07/its-good-to-talk-thoughts-and-feelings.html

[muabannhadatdananggiare]

We dive into this industry that is murky learn whom writes these exact things, just just exactly what switches into the investigation and just how much it truly costs to have one written.

We dive into this industry that is murky learn whom writes these exact things, just just exactly what switches into the investigation and just how much it truly costs to have one written.

Every person in crypto knows exactly just what white documents are. But who will be the individuals whom compose the things that are bloody?

As it happens, according to a huge Decrypt two-week-long investigation (wherein we talked to, possibly a dozen of these) that the writing of the documents is basically outsourced to contractors—many with limited knowledge that is technical. Most are freelancers, even though many other people have employment with personal white-paper mills. They rake in between $1,000 and $50,000 for a job that is single that might use up to eight months of time and effort. Many find their employers through social media—Upwork, LinkedIn and Twitter.

The very how to see if my paper is plagiarized good news is that the majority of the article writers we interviewed are reporting a current resurgence in operation, that is (possibly?) another indicator that is leading crypto is growing from the long, withering cold weather.

The news that is bad that may probably maybe not surprise anybody who’s watched this room, is the fact that a number of the authors state they are regularly needed to fabricate and exaggerate facts, and so are met by having an alarming laziness in the area of the organizations using them.

Imaginative composing

Numerous authors recalled being asked to inflate customers’ costs. “Most times, you can find cases of money spending plan cushioning,” said Adefemi Yusuff Adegoke , a writer that is prolific. “A task which can be performed with $ funding that is 180k may be padded up to $450k. And so they won’t report the amount that is total during ICO.”

“Most for the frauds have been in the part that is miscellaneous of budget,” he included. “Those ones get straight into the pouches associated with the CEO and CTO.”

(Adegoke, in addition to other people we talked to whom asked to stay anonymous, is dependent in Nigeria, which seemingly have developed a cottage that is healthy for white-paper article writers. Adegoke himself charges $30 to proteges that are would-be a training session.)

Volodymyr Malyshkin, the CEO of Ukraine-based white paper provider Illuminates , which includes aided its customers score well over $12 million from token product product sales, stated the practise of inflating numbers is rife: he has got usually been expected to incorporate “fake numbers” in their company’s work.

Often, Malyshkin has the capacity to provide consumers discounts on “marketing”—selling tales to crypto news sites—which cheapen the fee by up to half. But frequently, he stated, the customers will not correspondingly reduce their spending plans, rather like the “official,” non-discounted cost.

‘It means you’ve got $1 million marketing-PR spending plan, plus in reports you reveal your spendings based the costs on formal website of company,” he stated. “But in reality you paid up to 2 times cheaper.”

“It works together with the majority of sic crypto news/channels,” he added.

It gets far worse. Organizations, relating to Malyshkin, often go into blockchain with little to no knowledge of what they need to build—or also just how to build it—merely hoping your message “blockchain” will attract investors. This means the white-paper authors tend to be tasked with inventing business models with respect to their consumers. Away from dozens, Malyshkin stated, “only one customer had any genuine concept about what you should do from scratch.”

One individual, a senior consultant from a leading blockchain advisory, stated it had beenn’t a case of startups being clueless but a matter of easy, calculated cynicism. “Usually the way in which it really works if you ask me is this—a selection of individuals would you like to raise cash, they purchase a consulting package that features finding out how they may raise, whatever they require to content, what they desire to own into the whitepaper, etc. and that is it,” he stated. “there is hardly ever any interest regarding the area of the ‘crypto startup’ of what is in the whitepaper. All they need is always to raise and anything else acts that purpose.”

Here’s an example: an writer that is american asked to stay anonymous recalled consumers briefing him on a full-fledged white paper, with little a lot more than “five sentences.” Another asked him to publish “a white paper for the container ETF that included Bitcoin, Litecoin, and Ethereum.” Even though the customer announced the task publicly, he seemed a lot more than prepared to accept a business model that is substantially different.

“He basically told us to compose whatever,” he said.

The fine of imagination can run yet drier. The U.S.-based journalist recounts “lots of copyright infringement,” saying: “I’ve had CTOs ask us to talk about patented technology from another white paper as then put it in a new white paper,” he said if it were my own idea, change the words a little, and. “This is patented technology in another an element of the globe.”

“Everything is the identical,” agreed Malyshkin.

Do clients literally state, “Copy this continuing company model”?

Quoth the Ukranian: “Yeah, certain.”

Often, things in a paper that is white near poetic inside their explanations. Hassan Sa’eed, another Nigeria-based specialist, claims to possess penned the white paper for “KuCoin,” a $32 million Singapore-based change and cryptocurrency. (KuCoin didn’t react to our e-mails.)

We asked Sa’eed exactly exactly how he attained conclusions such as: “ KuCoin’s capable procedure team shall develop a bright and future that is prosperous long-lasting and large-scale online/offline advertising & procedure.”

“It is really a subjective understanding, and even though each view is founded on a couple of premises,” he said. “I started off using the mind-set of creating cash to increase my mind above water degree. So, it wasn’t then about how precisely authentic the task is.”

Frequently, facets of a white paper could be included they had any factual basis because they would help generate interest in the fundraise—whether or not. By way of example, in the height for the ICO boom, “it was previously sufficient to include social media influencers into the white paper as teammates,” said Malyshkin.

“Now it is maybe not,” he stated, referring, to some extent, to your resurgence that is recent earnings the cottage industry has seen since startups started peddling “security tokens”—which are made to conform to securities regulations. It really is, relating to Malyshkin, a growth which has have a caveat:

“People want to see projects that are workable” he stated.

Article writers are often stiffed on re re payments. Grant Fjermedal, an author whose company raised $25 million worth of ether, had been guaranteed a cut regarding the crypto funds raised. “Fortunately, the organization never ever arrived through with all the coins that they had guaranteed me–which might have developed a significant tax obligation, given that federal government might have respected them upon time of giving, additionally the final we seemed our coin had accompanied the Triple Egg club, exchanging at something similar to $0.0009,” he stated.

The writer that is US-based meanwhile, recalled a perennially dissatisfied customer who demanded constant rewrites, yet declined to cover him on false grounds. “I’d work with a draft, submit it,” he stated. “they might perhaps maybe not provide any direct feedback, if we had been fortunate, one sentence. The man would state the board doesn’t enjoy it. However will have to compose another 20-30 pages, rather than get feedback that is direct. However it had been like being held hostage when it comes to other 1 / 2 of my pay.”

“chances are they had a launch occasion therefore had no option but to utilize whatever they had,” he stated. “Afterward, the board user stated he didn’t like to pay me personally because the WP ended up being dif from the thing I composed, and additionally they utilized other writing. Whilst in reality, one of my drafts had been the building blocks for 99percent regarding the product that they had.”

Do the authors have scruples when they are expected to fabricate areas of or all their work?

A freelancer from Asia told us he had been usually compelled to add token models that made small feeling to him. “Those things aren’t virtually feasible.” he stated. “But still, i need to compose those activities in accordance with the guidelines.”

“I compose for crappy projects too, if they’ll pay good,” consented Adegoke. “I won’t enable my name become written on the list of team however. Cash must certanly be made.”

Nevertheless, perhaps the dumbest some ideas are a chance for revenue, lots of the paper that is white stated.

“There are not any stupid some ideas,” said Malyshkin. “We’ll never say no to virtually any startup that requires a white paper.”

Bài viết We dive into this industry that is murky learn whom writes these exact things, just just exactly what switches into the investigation and just how much it truly costs to have one written. đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Nhà Đất Đà Nẵng.

source https://muabannhadat.danang.vn/we-dive-into-this-industry-that-is-murky-learn-2-2498.html

[shaydraplays]

okay, here are the liveblogs of the entirety of she-ra season 1

because i don’t know how to consume media responsibly

see individual episodes under the cut: 

ep1 - catra fucking purred with excitement, i had to go back to confirm, the furries are back at it again - and she sleeps at the foot of adora's bed... incredible - does she just sleep with her helmet on? wait i guess all these soldiers don't have sleep clothes, but still? - the adora-glimmer-beau fight scene was hilarious. beau and glimmer just straight up screaming at adora with enough force to shake? excellent. - the way glimmer runs with the sword away from danger is SO good - glimmer just DOESN'T stop screaming and honestly, mood - lmao

ep2 - jesus CHRIST the opening is physically killing me - the amount of times beau's voice breaks - the way they animated people moving is just top notch in general - the voices also... very good - hell yeah floppy eared deer people - neigh - incatrible - damn just keep tasing her i guess... rude - catra fucking bodice ripping the netting hell yeah - the transformation makes her and the sword slightly taller like, why??? - :C catra - "wait, whose horse was this" well it's yours now

ep3 - beau's voice continues to be excellent - the amount of screaming beau and glimmer do on average is also excellent - how are you not enraptured by horsie rolling in the grass next to you? - omg pegacorn floppin around - beau and glimmer are masters of the "oh shit" run. trot? - granny is cute - catra has such disaster lesbean vibes - i dont have my glasses you'll have to speak up - how does horsie's wings keep changing color - also i've completely accepted the ridiculosity of all these names but still... - the arc werewolf man makes when kicked - thank u for validating me swiftwind - wait where do you put the sword when not in use

ep4 - how's they get adora's horde jacket out of the bushes near that village? also she lost her force captain pin rip - so do they just never change clothes? i had high hopes from adora putting on stuff to cover the horde symbol but i guess not - aw sleebover - okay they have no sleep clothes here either - general is hot - did catra draw princess on a horse or - zarkon is a twink now. twunk? - is that jasper's voice for that side character - the beast of beast island - those are not tree destruction foley sounds - yeah stop the machines poisoning ur land! environmentalism! - this is a small kingdom. these kingdoms are all really small? - you've been friends for like 2 days - where did they get horde outfits - beau's lil exclamations are.... Good - YAY SLEEBOVER

ep5 - something tells me adora doesn't like boats - i HAVE to mute the theme song. just, wow - go fish........ - who voices scorpia because Nice - nice violin - mermista is relatable - "They're coming right for the Gate!" mermista's big groan is a mood - is catra's MO from now on just gonna be to leap up to wherever Adora is doing hero things and monologue at her - i wanna be on 8-foot-tall woman's side as well - lmao christen the ship right there

ep6 - lmao glimmer's face when she-ra boutta bust it open - only tiny food........ - drunk adora is cute - did they just leave the sword - fizzy lifting drinks - okay so the sword is just animated when its convenient, otherwise i guess adora vores it or something

ep7 - that last episode was trite so now im gonna draw while watching - i love when they reference adora's depressing upbringing. "no i don't know what an aunt is but i was hoping someone would eventually explain". also beau is a bro - so lightspinner is shadowsneaker or whatever, right - naptime - i hope they explain who greyskull is etc sometime - do you not know what a pillow is why are you lying backwards - adora trust ur friends more pls it's been at least a week by now - thats new - catra no

ep8 - soooo prom means they'll change their clothes right - damn scorpia's a princess, what does it mean that they gave up their gemstone thing? no magic? - a true soldier by upbringing, adora - hell YEAH catra in a tux - neau just gotta wear a croptop - how are they gonna let catra in her whole bodys a weapon - hell yeah these ppl snazzy as fuck - so what the fuck is swiftwind doing these days anyway - adora is me. hormf snacks - man scorpia why cant u just let ppl chill - hell yeah sexual tension dance time - how do they know how to dance - catra is smooth - "you don't understand" ouch that is like the worst thing to say to smol frost princess - catra no - "I don't want you to" man she is such a... kovu's mom in lion king 2 or 3

ep9 - beau maDE THEM FIGURINES IM CRY - rip mermista - captain dude is so dumb - scorpia is going to kill u - this rebellion is clearly not combat ready - the black garnet is the one that scorpia's family gave the horde right? - really digging the low res pixels of the cell door being kicked for some reason - kyle pls - beau's expressions are SO good - well this sucks - if adora actually got her memories wiped and rejoined the herd and catra had to pretend that everything was normal man that'd be a good fanfic - glimmer thats very anime of u - catra, a lil bitch as always - damn, nice lighting - THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I LIKE YOU B-BAKA - catra no - damn, she really just got incinerated right in front of the team, huh - had to let the sad end credits music play this time, alexa play despacito

ep10 - "yeah that sure smells like concrete" thanks scorpia - adora is SO excited that she can use magic - i had to look it up but yeah i can definitely hear the amethyst in catra's voice now - yeah entrapta didn't seem like she gave much of a shit in the first place - hell YEAH she just jumps out the window - it's pretty incredible that they haven't miscolored catra's eyes yet, at least that i saw - thank u for coming back to the original disagreement and hashing it out, hell yeah emotional intelligence - just tell ur mom, blease - when queen mom is holding glimmer as she glitches... wow that's very adult fear of you - why do they not animate the sword and backbacks whenever it pleases them? i can excuse magical sword bullshit but c'mon catra needs to eat - hell yeah trippy psychological horror episode PLEASE - catra no

ep11 - hell yeah time for the "save my archnemesis frenemy from being killed by nonsentient technology ostensibly on my side, only to receive zero gratitude and probable betrayal from said frenemy" episode - their interactions are SO good - keeping things close to your chest and not saying anything about entrapta, nice - blease i just want them to be frens again - BAPY CATRA YES - FLOFF - BLEASE - FRENS - tween catra is EXTRA FLOFF - really telling that all their good memories are of getting chased by superiors and fighting each other. fucking horde - teen lizard's hair is good - catra's pretty good at saving herself. can she do it in the way that matters, though? - part cat, part monkey - well then, this memory probably doesn't end happily - oh, maybe this'll give adora hints on how to heal glimmer - fucking shadow... slipper. fuck u - jesus christ well this is just the writing on the wall for why catra can hate adora so easily. fuck u shadow sneak - bapy.... she hiss - w o w

ep12 - creepy. yes. i have been called this before. i n c r e d i b l e - hell yeah aliens - oh my god it speaks - man, what is EVEN scorpia's deal besides comic relief... horde is real bad at cultivating friendship - hack the p l a n e t - god damn, speaker baby imp is creepy. also how did catra not hear/smell that, maybe all horde shit smells similar - so entrapta doesn't have her corresponding gemstone? also oooooh, that's what the moonstone is. - adora, you made a self-cognizant horse, look at it now, it's got self-assurance and helpful words that also perpetuate the message that all domestic or captive animals are suffering, but in a joking manner

ep13 - ok, last ep of season 1, oh boy. can't wait to read all the post s1 fanfic - how did they... switch seating order... c'momn dreamworks - so why is entrapta a princess if she doesn't have a gemstone - WHY is beau still baring his midriff? in armor??? - wait so you can stand on water now? - stop monologueing holy shit - i guess there just isn't water? - k, deus ex machina and big damn heroes, i guess - nice combo attacks - she ra said gay rights. happy wrath month everyone - catra.......... no

[nancygduarteus]

Why So Many Instagram Ads Are Enticing Women to Freeze Their Eggs

One of the Instagram ads for Extend Fertility, a New York-based egg-freezing service for women, presents two images. First, there’s a hand with freshly manicured nails, followed by a sassy pink cartoon of a human egg with big eyes and long lashes. “If you can afford this,” text reads above the nails, “You can afford this,” referring to the cartoon egg.

The ad, part of a campaign created by the woman who gave us the Aflac duck and the iconic “yes! yes! YES!” Herbal Essences commercials of the late 1990s, is intended to raise awareness among millennial women about egg freezing’s capacity to extend their potential fertility well into their 40s. It’s just one of a number of marketing experiments that Extended Fertility and several other egg-freezing upstarts are running to get out word of their services. Kindbody, which debuted its first New York City clinic in 2018, takes an Instagram-friendly van across the country to dole out free hormone tests. Trellis Health recently popped up at a location of the indoor-cycling studio Flywheel to offer a women’s-empowerment spin class. All three companies partner with popular figures on social media, who spread the gospel of reproductive control to their own audiences.

Cost is often a theme: The campaigns emphasize that egg-freezing services can be in your price range, whatever that might be. But contrary to what Extend Fertility’s sassy little egg suggests, egg freezing costs a lot more than a manicure. It’s a relatively new procedure, and although it’s no longer considered officially “experimental” by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, it’s rarely covered by insurance. At traditional fertility clinics, which have long focused on helping people who are already infertile to conceive, egg freezing usually runs in the low five figures. Most of the newer upstart clinics do offer prices thousands of dollars below the more traditional settings, but that’s still in the range of a decent used car. Neither of these prices includes the cost of medication, which can be as much as $5,000.

The new clinics compare their services to manicures and blowouts because they offer financing, allowing customers to pay small amounts over time. This is one of many ways the companies tell young women that the procedure is just as easy as, say, getting their roots touched up. They invite prospective patients to come to informational seminars in tastefully appointed offices. They provide young, friendly, female fertility coaches. They associate themselves with green juice and spin class.

The intense pressure to get married and become a mother has long been a source of significant anxiety for young women, and as what it means to be a woman in America changes, those pressures haven’t abated. Instead, they just look a little different: As millennials delay marriage and worry about their careers, the average age of first-time motherhood in America has crept into the late 20s. For affluent and highly educated women, it’s even older, prompting fears among many people about the viability of having babies well into their 30s.

In that way, an egg-freezing clinic might be the perfect business model: By finding an ambient fear and promising to alleviate it, these new companies paint an expensive, invasive, uncertain procedure as just another normal thing women do in order to live their best lives. There’s a thin line between making something “accessible” and marketing the prospect of motherhood like a beauty product, though, and these new companies are still figuring out which side of it they’re on.

Whether a woman who freezes her eggs will actually be able to have a baby with them years in the future is far from certain. After an expensive retrieval process that requires several weeks of daily hormone injections, half a dozen office visits, and anesthesia for the retrieval itself, the eggs are then kept in a cryogenic freezer until they’re ready to be used in in-vitro fertilization. According to James Grifo, the director of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at New York University’s Langone Fertility Center, skilled practitioners have the same rate of success with frozen eggs from young women as they do with fresh-egg IVF, which is 55 to 57 percent in patients under 40. “It is by no means a guarantee,” he says.

Younger or particularly fertile patients sometimes can do a single round of egg retrieval to get the 15 to 20 eggs recommended for decent odds of pregnancy in the future. But many women opt to repeat the procedure multiple times, Grifo says, especially if they’re toward the end of their natural fertility and producing fewer viable eggs with each round.

Despite the costs and daunting odds, egg freezing’s popularity is expanding in the United States. Only 9,000 women nationwide froze their eggs in 2016, but according to Extend Fertility’s CEO Anne Hogarty, her company alone did a thousand egg-freeze cycles in 2018. Kindbody, which has only been open for a little over six months, says it has already done a hundred. Trellis wouldn’t reveal their numbers so far, but the brand has been around since 2018, and it’s part of IntegraMed, which is the largest network of fertility doctors in the country.

These new businesses’ Instagram and Facebook ad campaigns have put egg freezing on the radar of an untold number of women who likely wouldn’t have thought to visit a fertility doctor while young and single. For those potential patients, the message is one of familiar, friendly empowerment. These new clinics emphasize that they can give working women more time to focus on their nascent professional success. At the same time, research suggests that work isn’t why unmarried women consider their fertility options: It’s the limited availability of partners with whom they’d want to raise a family. That probably doesn’t make for much of an empowering Instagram caption.

“We’re trying to make what we’re doing into a lifestyle brand that’s more appealing to people and not something that’s so foreign and sterile,” says Rebecca Silver, Kindbody’s director of marketing. “We don’t want to look or feel like a health-care company.” Extend Fertility and Trellis both told me that their target demographic begins at 27 years old, while Kindbody hopes to reach consumers as young as 25.

That desire to skip the traditional doctors-office feel is clear in both Kindbody’s country-crossing van and Trellis Health’s offices, which are appointed in an Instagram-friendly style that includes soft pinks, plants in minimalist pots, and encouraging words on the walls like “It’s up to each of us to invent our own future” and “Invent your future.” At its mobile events, Kindbody gives out T-shirts and branded S’well water bottles, in addition to controversial hormone tests, which some doctors fear could be used to stoke unnecessary anxieties in perfectly fertile young patients. (Kindbody says they provide the appropriate medical context to anyone who takes one of their tests.)

Kindbody, Trellis, and Extended Fertility offer regular informational sessions that bring in groups of prospective clients to learn about egg freezing, and they all told me their goal is simply to get the facts to young women who have been underserved by the industry in the past. But a 2017 study from University of Minnesota Duluth found that marketing messages from egg-freezing companies were usually persuasive instead of neutrally informational, and that few provided detailed information on the process’s limitations or downsides. The three companies emphasized to me that egg freezing isn’t a guarantee of future pregnancy, but if you peruse any of their online egg-freezing FAQs, the numbers that Grifo gave me, which paint a more modest picture of the possibilities, are absent. They also don’t tell you that most of the people who freeze their eggs never thaw them.

Scarlett Leung, Trellis Health’s head of operations, told me that “fertility declines rapidly basically when you hit 32.” But as the psychologist Jean Twenge has reported, American women’s ideas about disappearing fertility in their 30s originated in reviews of birth records for French women living more than a century ago. The modern numbers are far less alarming: A 2004 study found that 82 percent women in their late 30s conceived on their own within a year of trying, compared with 86 percent of 27-to-34-year-olds. For those worried about birth defects in older mothers, Twenge’s survey of the available research found that 99 percent of pregnancies in 35-year-old moms were chromosomally normal, and 97 percent in 40-year-old moms.

These new egg freezing companies’ questionable marketing tactics don’t mean that egg freezing serves no purpose, or that there’s no need for more accessible information about women’s reproductive care. Biological clocks are real, even if Americans’ cultural understanding of them is a little off-kilter. The inability to conceive can be heartbreaking for women who just want the opportunity to be moms.

One thing these companies are unambiguously good at is explaining their prices. All three business I looked at for this story included detailed cost breakdowns on their websites, which is a rarity when planning for any kind of medical expense. Their rates are sometimes as low as half of those of traditional clinics, and the companies say they intend to make those numbers sustainable in the same way that most start-ups do: attract enough customers that the business’s cost per patient becomes manageable.

In a way, what these business are doing makes perfect sense. They’re corporate citizens in a health-care system that eventually reduces everything to a purchase, including many issues of life and death. The rich have had access to egg freezing for years, and now entrepreneurs are trying to find a way for those in the next several bands of wealth to get on board. It’s the same way appliance-makers and retailers have made stainless-steel kitchen renovations accessible to people who can’t afford professional-grade home kitchens: take a luxury, make a version of it more affordable at scale, and give people a short-term credit line to buy into a life slightly fancier and more comfortable than the one their current options afford them.

Except it’s not a gas range we’re talking about here. It’s a baby, or motherhood as a concept. The ways Americans have been expected to save up their money to buy these very different things has been uncomfortably similar for a long time, but by dressing up deeply personal procedure in the visual trappings of modern consumerism, egg-freezing start-ups might have made those similarities just a bit too clear. The sassy little cartoon egg might be a bridge too far, encouraging young women into medical debt for a service they likely won’t need and that itself provides no guarantees. What might be more useful for this generation of women would be a reconsideration of the pressures American culture puts on them to become mothers if at all possible, in spite of what might be their own ambivalence or differing personal priorities.

Sidestepping these broader cultural concerns to sell a novel, complicated, and very personal procedure means companies that want to market egg freezing broadly have some communications challenges to overcome. When Extend Fertility’s cartoon campaign launched, the company told Ad Age that it hoped it would inspire viewers to share it. That has happened, but maybe not in the way the campaign’s creators had hoped. I became aware of the ads in 2018 after seeing a 35-year-old friend complain that she found their sudden arrival on her Instagram feed invasive. Similar sentiments are not uncommon on social media, and a journalist at Wired wrote about why it felt “creepy” to find them inserted in her feed.

Extend Fertility’s Hogarty, who joined the company in early February, also doesn’t seem to love the cartoon egg. “The origins of that ad campaign predate me, and as the market evolves, we certainly want to evolve our brand and our ad campaigns with it,” she says. “You can look to see us doing that shortly.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/03/egg-freezing-instagram/584053/?utm_source=feed

[ionecoffman]

Why So Many Instagram Ads Are Enticing Women to Freeze Their Eggs

One of the Instagram ads for Extend Fertility, a New York-based egg-freezing service for women, presents two images. First, there’s a hand with freshly manicured nails, followed by a sassy pink cartoon of a human egg with big eyes and long lashes. “If you can afford this,” text reads above the nails, “You can afford this,” referring to the cartoon egg.

The ad, part of a campaign created by the woman who gave us the Aflac duck and the iconic “yes! yes! YES!” Herbal Essences commercials of the late 1990s, is intended to raise awareness among millennial women about egg freezing’s capacity to extend their potential fertility well into their 40s. It’s just one of a number of marketing experiments that Extended Fertility and several other egg-freezing upstarts are running to get out word of their services. Kindbody, which debuted its first New York City clinic in 2018, takes an Instagram-friendly van across the country to dole out free hormone tests. Trellis Health recently popped up at a location of the indoor-cycling studio Flywheel to offer a women’s-empowerment spin class. All three companies partner with popular figures on social media, who spread the gospel of reproductive control to their own audiences.

Cost is often a theme: The campaigns emphasize that egg-freezing services can be in your price range, whatever that might be. But contrary to what Extend Fertility’s sassy little egg suggests, egg freezing costs a lot more than a manicure. It’s a relatively new procedure, and although it’s no longer considered officially “experimental” by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, it’s rarely covered by insurance. At traditional fertility clinics, which have long focused on helping people who are already infertile to conceive, egg freezing usually runs in the low five figures. Most of the newer upstart clinics do offer prices thousands of dollars below the more traditional settings, but that’s still in the range of a decent used car. Neither of these prices includes the cost of medication, which can be as much as $5,000.

The new clinics compare their services to manicures and blowouts because they offer financing, allowing customers to pay small amounts over time. This is one of many ways the companies tell young women that the procedure is just as easy as, say, getting their roots touched up. They invite prospective patients to come to informational seminars in tastefully appointed offices. They provide young, friendly, female fertility coaches. They associate themselves with green juice and spin class.

The intense pressure to get married and become a mother has long been a source of significant anxiety for young women, and as what it means to be a woman in America changes, those pressures haven’t abated. Instead, they just look a little different: As millennials delay marriage and worry about their careers, the average age of first-time motherhood in America has crept into the late 20s. For affluent and highly educated women, it’s even older, prompting fears among many people about the viability of having babies well into their 30s.

In that way, an egg-freezing clinic might be the perfect business model: By finding an ambient fear and promising to alleviate it, these new companies paint an expensive, invasive, uncertain procedure as just another normal thing women do in order to live their best lives. There’s a thin line between making something “accessible” and marketing the prospect of motherhood like a beauty product, though, and these new companies are still figuring out which side of it they’re on.

Whether a woman who freezes her eggs will actually be able to have a baby with them years in the future is far from certain. After an expensive retrieval process that requires several weeks of daily hormone injections, half a dozen office visits, and anesthesia for the retrieval itself, the eggs are then kept in a cryogenic freezer until they’re ready to be used in in-vitro fertilization. According to James Grifo, the director of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at New York University’s Langone Fertility Center, skilled practitioners have the same rate of success with frozen eggs from young women as they do with fresh-egg IVF, which is 55 to 57 percent in patients under 40. “It is by no means a guarantee,” he says.

Younger or particularly fertile patients sometimes can do a single round of egg retrieval to get the 15 to 20 eggs recommended for decent odds of pregnancy in the future. But many women opt to repeat the procedure multiple times, Grifo says, especially if they’re toward the end of their natural fertility and producing fewer viable eggs with each round.

Despite the costs and daunting odds, egg freezing’s popularity is expanding in the United States. Only 9,000 women nationwide froze their eggs in 2016, but according to Extend Fertility’s CEO Anne Hogarty, her company alone did a thousand egg-freeze cycles in 2018. Kindbody, which has only been open for a little over six months, says it has already done a hundred. Trellis wouldn’t reveal their numbers so far, but the brand has been around since 2018, and it’s part of IntegraMed, which is the largest network of fertility doctors in the country.

These new businesses’ Instagram and Facebook ad campaigns have put egg freezing on the radar of an untold number of women who likely wouldn’t have thought to visit a fertility doctor while young and single. For those potential patients, the message is one of familiar, friendly empowerment. These new clinics emphasize that they can give working women more time to focus on their nascent professional success. At the same time, research suggests that work isn’t why unmarried women consider their fertility options: It’s the limited availability of partners with whom they’d want to raise a family. That probably doesn’t make for much of an empowering Instagram caption.

“We’re trying to make what we’re doing into a lifestyle brand that’s more appealing to people and not something that’s so foreign and sterile,” says Rebecca Silver, Kindbody’s director of marketing. “We don’t want to look or feel like a health-care company.” Extend Fertility and Trellis both told me that their target demographic begins at 27 years old, while Kindbody hopes to reach consumers as young as 25.

That desire to skip the traditional doctors-office feel is clear in both Kindbody’s country-crossing van and Trellis Health’s offices, which are appointed in an Instagram-friendly style that includes soft pinks, plants in minimalist pots, and encouraging words on the walls like “It’s up to each of us to invent our own future” and “Invent your future.” At its mobile events, Kindbody gives out T-shirts and branded S’well water bottles, in addition to controversial hormone tests, which some doctors fear could be used to stoke unnecessary anxieties in perfectly fertile young patients. (Kindbody says they provide the appropriate medical context to anyone who takes one of their tests.)

Kindbody, Trellis, and Extended Fertility offer regular informational sessions that bring in groups of prospective clients to learn about egg freezing, and they all told me their goal is simply to get the facts to young women who have been underserved by the industry in the past. But a 2017 study from University of Minnesota Duluth found that marketing messages from egg-freezing companies were usually persuasive instead of neutrally informational, and that few provided detailed information on the process’s limitations or downsides. The three companies emphasized to me that egg freezing isn’t a guarantee of future pregnancy, but if you peruse any of their online egg-freezing FAQs, the numbers that Grifo gave me, which paint a more modest picture of the possibilities, are absent. They also don’t tell you that most of the people who freeze their eggs never thaw them.

Scarlett Leung, Trellis Health’s head of operations, told me that “fertility declines rapidly basically when you hit 32.” But as the psychologist Jean Twenge has reported, American women’s ideas about disappearing fertility in their 30s originated in reviews of birth records for French women living more than a century ago. The modern numbers are far less alarming: A 2004 study found that 82 percent women in their late 30s conceived on their own within a year of trying, compared with 86 percent of 27-to-34-year-olds. For those worried about birth defects in older mothers, Twenge’s survey of the available research found that 99 percent of pregnancies in 35-year-old moms were chromosomally normal, and 97 percent in 40-year-old moms.

These new egg freezing companies’ questionable marketing tactics don’t mean that egg freezing serves no purpose, or that there’s no need for more accessible information about women’s reproductive care. Biological clocks are real, even if Americans’ cultural understanding of them is a little off-kilter. The inability to conceive can be heartbreaking for women who just want the opportunity to be moms.

One thing these companies are unambiguously good at is explaining their prices. All three business I looked at for this story included detailed cost breakdowns on their websites, which is a rarity when planning for any kind of medical expense. Their rates are sometimes as low as half of those of traditional clinics, and the companies say they intend to make those numbers sustainable in the same way that most start-ups do: attract enough customers that the business’s cost per patient becomes manageable.

In a way, what these business are doing makes perfect sense. They’re corporate citizens in a health-care system that eventually reduces everything to a purchase, including many issues of life and death. The rich have had access to egg freezing for years, and now entrepreneurs are trying to find a way for those in the next several bands of wealth to get on board. It’s the same way appliance-makers and retailers have made stainless-steel kitchen renovations accessible to people who can’t afford professional-grade home kitchens: take a luxury, make a version of it more affordable at scale, and give people a short-term credit line to buy into a life slightly fancier and more comfortable than the one their current options afford them.

Except it’s not a gas range we’re talking about here. It’s a baby, or motherhood as a concept. The ways Americans have been expected to save up their money to buy these very different things has been uncomfortably similar for a long time, but by dressing up deeply personal procedure in the visual trappings of modern consumerism, egg-freezing start-ups might have made those similarities just a bit too clear. The sassy little cartoon egg might be a bridge too far, encouraging young women into medical debt for a service they likely won’t need and that itself provides no guarantees. What might be more useful for this generation of women would be a reconsideration of the pressures American culture puts on them to become mothers if at all possible, in spite of what might be their own ambivalence or differing personal priorities.

Sidestepping these broader cultural concerns to sell a novel, complicated, and very personal procedure means companies that want to market egg freezing broadly have some communications challenges to overcome. When Extend Fertility’s cartoon campaign launched, the company told Ad Age that it hoped it would inspire viewers to share it. That has happened, but maybe not in the way the campaign’s creators had hoped. I became aware of the ads in 2018 after seeing a 35-year-old friend complain that she found their sudden arrival on her Instagram feed invasive. Similar sentiments are not uncommon on social media, and a journalist at Wired wrote about why it felt “creepy” to find them inserted in her feed.

Extend Fertility’s Hogarty, who joined the company in early February, also doesn’t seem to love the cartoon egg. “The origins of that ad campaign predate me, and as the market evolves, we certainly want to evolve our brand and our ad campaigns with it,” she says. “You can look to see us doing that shortly.”

Article source here:The Atlantic