#like i can't imagine doing anything else
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why did i move so far away??????
#i think about this every single day#like i can't imagine doing anything else#but why does it have to be so hard#personal#literally i feel like i'm choosing between being a scientist and being a person WHY CAN'T I DO BOTH
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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Hi guys, this is usually what a doodle page ends up looking like <3 (oh, and @ancha-aus thought you might like this! Not writing but certainly fuel to my fire lol-)
This one is New Age filled!!! (Close-ups abd Lore beneath the cut!)
1) Night and Cross!
Night is actually very clingy once he's a teen. He doesn't usually realize it, but around the castle he'll snake to be closer to his Knights so long as there's no one he needs to keep his composure infront of is nearby. Cross is the one who's not used to physical touch (when it's not Ink ofc) so Night in his personal bubble makes his heart melt but also scares tf out of him <3
2) Error and Night's Meeting!
Error was carrying his whole life on his back and trying not to get arrested for unintentional property damage at this point, so when he saw the chance to get back at his brother and prove he was strong enough? Yeah, he got that on chance instantly. And was VERY smug when Nightmare chose him. (Also, Error is wearing gloves, so less Haphephobia)
3) Dream and Blue designs!
I think these are good tentative designs! Dream probably has a more regal fit, but he likes to play up that rugged exile look- He's inspired by Archers, while Blue takes on that classic Knightly-vibe. Their equipment is mostly stolen from Night's troops or brought with them from Blue's home kingdom.
Also, Dream is approx Killer's height at this point, shorter than Cross and *much* shorter than Apple!Nightmare. (Hc that Skeletons tend to be tinier in stature thanks to weird monster beauty standards. Horror and Geno's fam are outliers.)
4) Horror and Dust designs!
Horror is naturally a very *large* monster. He's very malnourished when Nightmare meets him, but by the time he's a Knight Nightmare has made sure that's no longer the case. He actually loves comfy, simple clothes, but to play up the whole 'strong mysterious' bit he wears a more barbaric Knight's garb. He doesn't mind acting scary, it's more fun that way :]. Dust is very very small, and envies horror sometimes for his size, but his tiny stature let's him control his body and move a lot quicker. He's very much based on a rogue, and usually covers the lower part of his face w/ a black cloth, and the upper part w/ his hood or mask. Dust only removes both to bathe, eat, or relax in a safe location. (Ignore that I can't draw the stupid gaster blaster lmao-)
These last two were space-fillers, but Cross and his Borzoi (Windmill, otherwise known as Milly (Killer named her-)) and really bad first wips of Ccino! I think Ccino was a chubby, happy toddler, but lost a lot of 'weight' (bone mass? Magic?) due to stress and pressure and bad eating habits. So it isn't until a while after the Coronation that he starts to relax abd feel safe enough to eat normal meals (Nightmare used to guilt him into eating snacks together, but as his boss (and younger brother) he can encourage it more often). By the time Killer shows he's still not quite healthy, but he's better. As more weight is lifted off his shoulders, the better he is. (That 'beauty' most people saw was a more stereotypical slimness, but Killer never stopped seeing Ccino as beautiful-) I think he never looked traditionally underweight, so no one noticed, and it was only much later that Night processed it. (And maybe it's why Dream hardly recognized him later on-)
#new age au#I love showing mundane life things-#and also these designs beamed into my brain#I can't draw Ccino for anything but the others? yeag#Blue is definitely my fave. and just like every au I will draw Blue perfect the first time and draw Dust 6 billion times 😔#Horror is kinda banger too tho#makes me laugh to imagine Horror picking up Dust mid-fight out of convenience and Dust weighs nothing to him#(also this size difference is exactly why Dust and Horror fight in the non-magic training. and why Horror accidentally obliterated his#shoulder later on lmao- Dust needs to be able to dodge any enemy. Horror needs to aim for small and quick targets.)#(Meanwhile Cross is the newest and Killer the oldest and if Cross adapts to Killer then he'll adapt to the others more easily.)#oh! and Ccino w/ his arc? I think I really like the idea of a Ccino with a plump body-type. but that conflicts with my vidion of Ccino kinda#losing track of eating and being co-erced by adults to skip meals just enough to make him the 'right amount' of curvy#so when Nightmare takes over it's a habit he's so used to he hardly notices that he's doing it. but. Night picks up on it because Ccino is#almost akways with him. their relationship is very much Ccino giving his life to help Night#but it's also Night recognizing that and giving it back to Ccino along with more the moment he can#just smth smth this au is full of fit and exercized people and I think Ccino deserves some comfort and healing and positivity <3#also I am SO fond of Nightmare getting up in people's bubbles. he does it most to Killer and Ccino for obvious reasons but#god forbid a noble be talking behind his back because he *will* twist around and shove under his knight's arms or sides just to#read them the riot act or stare them down <3#and I think when he was an adult Night was... kinda like the big brother? like. not an experienced one by any means. but he wasn't *not*#affectionate then either. he was better at being serious about it and more discreet. but like#Nervous Cross escorting him in public? Night nudges his shoulder briefly with a Tendril to try and comfort him. Dust having a magic overload#? personal Training against just Night so there was no risk of harming anyone else. then snacks and tea after.#Horror is homesick? Woah look at that a scheduled trip back to visit with Crop and side-track back to Horror's village? huh?? wild...#Killer upset at all? Night will find a solution. just you wait. a cat. two cats. perhaps even a cat in a little sweater? or y'know. just a#chat or a combat?#Nightmare showed his affections but was just more distant about it.#Oh also. all four were used to tendrils lifting/tugging them subconsciously. usually during trainings to avoid them hurting eachother by#mistake in their early days. Killer misses it sometimes
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ok imagine nightmare sans. now imagine those minecraft villager trading halls where all the villagers are stuck in the little cell blocks to get ideal trades. now that but replace the villagers with the murder time trio and ideal trades with negativity. he's maxxing out the negativity output for every square foot i guess,,,,,,,
there's absolutely NO space for movement it's practically a little closet. only thing is like basic necessities like food and water distributed by a killer (because he wouldn't get attatched to any of them when there's so many,,,, perhaps a different cell warden for a killer only section to avoid a killer meeting another killer and then having to deal with the mindboggle they'd face and then UGH!!!) these little negativity farms cost so little effort to make!!! all nightmare has to do is keep as many (living) sanses (IN FACT NOT EVEN THE TRIO!! but also the trio since they're easy to break down) in as little space as possible and he's practically got like. + 100k negativity every hour with just 6 of these farms. how efficient!
what do you mean it violates the genevarsal convention. DREAM STOP CONDUCTING PRISON BREAKS
(a little birdie told me u wanted 2 be tagged,,, @qin-qin16)
#nightmare's ideal vacation would be at one of these negativity farms#aaaah the screams of the angered and the sobs of the devastated..... killer go fetch me another piña colada#this line of thought is around the same as my nightmare but he's an immature brat and the trio are his replaceable toys#i laugh behind my screen at the ridiculousness of those but i know that someone else behind their screen is aghast#this is a bit concerning but listen LISTEN ok listen...... are you listening. its not that bad people have had worse thoughts#oh i can just IMAGINE all the suffering that happens here it's demented. i love my trio but man#i should really stop putting them into terrible dehumanizing situations. this is like the 14th time now.........#LISTEN ITS EITHER THIS OR THE 34TH RANT ABOUT THE TRIO HATING AND MAULING EACH OTHER. WHICH ONE WOULD YOU RATHER TRIGLYCERNATION#now add white torture into this- TRIGLYCERCULE THATS ENOIUUUUUGHHHHHH#now i know DAMN well there's like a lottery everyday and it's to see who'll get out#but then it just ends up being whoever becomes nightmare's personal tormentee until they die#i meaaan theres an INFINITE amount of aus out there. infinite copies of the trio. he can afford to lose 1 or 2. maybe 3. 4. ok 5#the cells do not get cleaned up. they are caked in the dust of all the others who have died in there#and when a dust copy is ripped from his au after killing papyrus for the first time he is only left confused and devastated#whos dust is here? the tally marks on the walls?? the dried vomit in the corner?? the weird guy monitoring him 24/7?? WHAT IS GOING ON#and then it starts to sink in and oh god if this wasn't the worst possible time for him to be introduced to the multiverse. AND TERRIBLY TO#and then he gets angry. he just decided to start killing his underground and now he did ALL THAT FOR NOTHING??? HE CAN'T HELP HIS AU IN HER#and then depression. he doesn't know how long he'll be stuck here. dust denies food and water he only silently cries and zones out#yada yada bargaining and then acceptance by which then if he's completely numb and providing no emotions killer disposes of him#it's not only dehumanizing for the prisoners but also absolutely terrible for the warden killer too#all these faces eventually blend into one and not even the most anguished of cries about other versions of papyrus do anything#SOMEONE STOP THIS MADNESS BRUH DREAM!!! DREAM PLEASE!!!!! DREAM STOP YOUR BROTHER BRO#obligatory reminder that i do not support any of this i just thought of it and it was funny but also crazy so i had to make this. REMINDER!#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#nightmare sans#bad sanses
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ninjago seabound hurts. so much. what the fuck
#ninjago seabound#i think this might be the thing to get me drawing again#we shall see#also im very close to crying haha#she turned. into the sea. to save him#and like. the city and all their friends too but he was quite literally dying and the only answer was for her to become one with the sea an#and she#and he sees her after having the water taken out of his lungs. he sees her out the window and she sees him and they put their hands on#either side of the glass. and he doesn't yet know what she did. what it would cost#in the fight later. he sees her explode and takes on kalmaar with blind fury#and then she's back- as a dragon now- and she explodes again and comes back as a bigger dragon and#how can he think anything but good things? he knows what she did now but she's so strong. so invincible. ofc she'll overcome the odds#she'll keep herself together! she will. he has to believe that#and then she wins. and its all over. and everyone's saying they'll just have to get used to her watery body for now#until they find a way to turn her back.#she doesn't understand. she doesn't remember who she used to be. is actively losing the battle to retain her self#and they plead. all of her friends. her master. her Brother.#and him. Jay. her boyfriend.#and there's a moment. a single brief moment where she turns back.#she smiles and holds jay's hands. she caresses his cheek.#and just as quick as she came#she left. jay screaming her name as she dives back into the sea#and then the funeral. because what else do you call it but a funeral.#they call all of her friends and family. they pour seawater in an urn. they hold a service of sorts.#and i'd like to imagine each person feels responsible in some way. for not doing more. for not being as convincing to her.#some feel it more than others. Wu is- was her master. Kai her brother.#and Jay. Jay was her-#out of all of them Jay beat himself up the most. because what good is love if you can't convince them to stay?#woah sorry about that i was possessed by angst#also i feel like you could tie in Jay's abandonment issues with his birth parents here if that wasn't clear <3
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Juliette is very good at hide and seek
#she literally played hide and seek for like two episodes?? lmfao anyways you can imagine shirley found her and tackled her n then they kiss#or idk. idk what to caption this. i have so many thots.#silo#juliette nichols#shirley campbell#rebecca ferguson#remmi milner#hugh howey#silo apple tv#silo series#wool#wtf do i call this show so people can find it#fan art#memes#mytrinkets#jules is so awkward i love her lmao#thinking about rebecca saying how all jules wanna do is probably lie down and cry#of course she would have armpit hair#ignore jules left hand. i cant figure out how their fingers cross n shit#thinking about their matching tattoos <3#I'm gonna read the book cause i just can't stop thinking about rebecca and if i read anything else. I'll hear it in her voice#sapphic#wlw
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love when it gets to the point of The Discourse where i feel the need to key word search otherwise chill people's blogs for rampant bigotry before following them. Like this isn't exactly what happened with 'ace discourse'
#this is about transandrophobia by the way#i'm not even a trans man per se but it's not like that matters to these idiots.#hm. interesting. almost like bigotry can still affect you and surpass personal identity or something.#this inspired by Surprise Transandrophobia from someone i previously followed#at which point i was forcibly reminded of how much that happened during the hight of Ace Discourse#before i started checking ahead of time. it was easier to keywordsearch 'ace' or 'aro' though#because now it's like 'trans' 'gender' 'masc' because a lot of times they won't include specifically the word transandrophobia#but you can't just use what they say about trans people as a whole because they're not actually talking about all of us lmao#the one good thing about how similar it is is that it heavily implies it's another one of these cycles#that will pass eventually where people are abjectly pathetic about one type of#queer person for a while and then it becomes unfashionable again#the bad thing about that is it means they're just going to circle around to someone else.#And none of them will ever learn anything apparently. Get A Fucking Grip challenge#anyway if you ever see me pulling this shit about any type of queer person you have full permission to just kill me with a hammer#like can you Imagine. we are Not doing that. it would be kinder. kill that thing.#mypost
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sleep-tight don't let any other vampires bite
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion x tav#tav x astarion#Syril (bg3)#tav#tav bg3#screenshots#modded bg3#i will never stop posting screenshots#so many headcanons about how they go to sleep seeing as how only one of them actually needs sleep#like im sure astarion meditates most of the time because first and foremost he Must be in bed while syril is sleeping#because syril is a weenie and likes to go to bed together#but i also like to imagine nights where astarion is like i do not Need to Meditate tonight but he can't get up and go do anything else#cuz syril is planted on his chest dead asleep#so he's gotta master the art of flipping a page in a book with one hand
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My DID-having ass is experiencing so much world-envy for the fictional country of Vaugarde I'm going to throw up
#Didn't realize how much I needed a society built around the concepts if change and reinvention but holy shit I do. I need it so bad.#The legally normal concept of being given multiple names to transition between or change to...#the societally accepted and easy ways to craft a new body...#the traditions built around reinvention and throwing away aspects of your old life that you wish to discard#that also acknowledge that reinvention involves the destruction of something else. & the grief from yourself or others that comes with that#literally have never resonated with anything to this level and I am YEARNING#like. my life would literally be so much easier in that society#the fact Vaugarde also highly values queerness of all kinds only helps#going insane over this world-building tbh konda wanna overthrow my government & rebuild my country in its image tbh#I am Decidedly Not Normal about this fake country#no spoilers if you respond to this btw. Not done with the game#In Stars And Time#hi dev I know you have a tumblr so if you see this: I love you#thank you for creating this world and letting me have a peek into it#they say we can't build a better world if we can't imagine what that world would look like and#now i can. I know what my ideal world looks like.#textpost
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only just processed that luca added the flames to the colander helmet...implicitly b/c of alberto’s “also i added flames” dream vespa design alteration...
#like evidence afterwards that someone was paying real attention even when at the time the other party felt ignored / tuned out....So sweet.#which also my audhd life experiences like. if i learn anyone ever absorbed anything i said it's like oh whoa living large lmao#anyways the point is it only occurred to me the other day lol. like i'd noticed the flames but just didn't piece anything else together#i Love how many like. threads & details you Can piece together like that but are just kind of quietly in the bg otherwise#and fun how everything luca needs for the race is definitely like Somewhere Underwater...colander fell in the sea...bike by the sunken boat#god knows what color situation i fumbled my way into here. so the classic spin of just like Also there's more stripped down versions#who knows if i'll like do more of a full color approach version. they can't stop you. nor stop you from just posting lineart#or stop me from going off the walls w/their tail lengths lol#luca#luberto#lucalberto#😚😚😚#fish freckles you are everything to me...#eta not me forgetting to save the [solid bg color]less pngs as transparent....i was up all night#didn't help w/the color selecting that i'm bad at anytime lol#ok hopefully now they're actually transparent#smhhh now i've realized i forgot a little line to indicate webbing betwixt alberto's fingers there#not as big a deal as how i ALMOST forgot to include any of their arm/leg fins. i'll fix it if i do the [full coloring] deal lol. imagine it#yet another eta: occurs to me i could've made alberto purpler & the bg blue. well;
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every now and then one of my mutuals starts getting into something that one of my other mutuals has had a like self-directed home dissertation level of obsession with for years, and i still don't know anything about it either way but it's very funny learning what a normal trajectory of somebody experiencing it would be like
#it's not that i know anything myself it's that i never paused to consider what someone learning about it for the first time would say#rather than the incredibly involved academic inside baseball dispute-connoted remarks from which all of my knowledge is derived.#actually at least one of you is the first mutual on one topic and the second mutual on another topic. a lot of my tumblr friends are way up#on extremely specific long-running humanities research controversies in some way or other i guess. that does track.#imagine you only know about pastry technique from watching someone from afar as they beef with everyone else on earth about like#the exact air humidity ratio you should have for [whatever at this point i ran out of pastry knowledge to use in this example]#and then out of the blue someone else starts being like. hey i just learned to laminate croissant dough!#and it's like. i can't do that either. but the way you're mostly saying words i know or can look up is deeply uncanny to me.#box opener
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is it bad that i dont really have a backup plan for if anything in my current situation falls through
and that i cant imagine what id do with myself if things just suddenly changed that im fine with things staying exactly as they are now because this is probably the best my life has ever been
is it bad that when i think of doing anything else theres just static and that when i look at the future it just looks like today
#for all the chaotic energy i bring to the dash sometimes i guess it might be a surprise that im not really all that chaotic#change is good and in the past i have changed things for the better in my life even if it took some encouragement from others#but now that im in a decently comfortable place its like#the idea of anything changing again is fucking scary#and at least theres safety in stagnation#i dont know its 10pm and that ask got me thinking#//when the 'definitely voted team order' shines thru lmao#//chaos is change and change is fucking scary but necessary and they know this#//but now that they've had true and GOOD stability in their life for the past few years they're scared of something shaking that up#//and the 'what if you had to do something else' question really fucking stumped them#//because they can't IMAGINE doing anything else right now#ic
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what if we held on to whatever we get the idea of as Normal as unquestionable & think all you can do to this normal is apply some veneers overtop it to be more polite & also resent that. maybe we could project that everyone who seems to be Annoyingly Disruptively doing more than this must be putting on a performance to look good &/or humor others b/c that's all we ever believe we're doing, & again, we resent even that much....maybe we could use our show of More Polite language to make the same points blaming everyone who our Normal mistreats for their own mistreatment
#perhaps we could lecture autistic people on their; ah; Lacking Social Skills or Intelligence. it's just matter of fact#completely neutral what Annoys those who do well enough when thrown into any group settings; completely neutral how they React#like yeah can't possibly take issue w/anything Acceptable to Encouraged in the realm of even ''successful'' ''normal'' social interactions#infinite ''smh this is why nobody takes ableism seriously'' like oh you mean b/c of the ableism? is why you don't take it seriously?#infinite ways of phrasing that everyone alleged so Annoying With It is just like you but someone actively Putting On An Act too much#all it can possibly be. just as someone's Anti Ableism would be knowingly ''humoring'' / ''tolerating'' an autistic person e.g.#ah you see to this Person Who Identifies As Nonbinary's face i will try to mostly use Their Preferred Pronouns. that's that done#but it's sooo annoying. what's next; multiple &/or changing pronouns? god even worse. so Inflicted Upon my correct norm#if i'm not feeling actively malicious & devious in how i treat someone i am surely as righteous as it gets#having to improve on perfection by occasionally feeling Put Upon to perform politeness around some individuals? ughhh#that's why it's actually illegitimate. shouldn't have to be Put Upon like that. (finding the norm Questionable? out of the question Lol)#shocked ppl report that casual usage of the r word is having a revival. by shocked i mean [already clear ppl didn't care abt that]#& again just the current ''polite'' rephrasing of ableism like oh um :) disabled ppl are just a Specific kind of unintelligent & unskilled#& unprofessional & incompetent & a harmful scourge :) & maybe if they learned to be otherwise they wouldn't be punished :)#just formalized ABA vs the less formalized ABA huh. & the [the Real ableism] it ostensibly is to be saying all this i'm sure#something something not a real ally if they encourage behavior that will Make other ppl treat you badly. helpless neurotypicality :(#just as the ppl saying ableism is baked into terms & phrases used casually well beyond the [bad but lol guess not That Bad r word]#were definitely the ones Advancing Ableism by annoyingly overdoing the Polite Veneer you imagine they were Demanding#(rather than a more thorough questioning of language & accepted ''norms'' in pointing out the logics in their usage / basis)#simultaneously as being too much to ask it was also always so Frivolous as to not be worth the apparently infinitesimal effort#hmm guess we'll never solve the contradictions there....#not even with the ''openly saying 'see? i don't take ableism seriously & now it's Your Fault b/c i saw this & scoffed at it''' clues#& a final shoutout to the classic ''it's called being Realistic'' language in this & wherever else relevantly applied lol. we could go on
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A reminder that post-GB 2 this is hung up in the Firehouse.
#𝙸'𝙼 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝚂𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙾𝚄𝚂. (SELF)#𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙵𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻𝚂. (GHOSTBUSTERS)#𝙸 𝙲𝙾𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙲𝚃 𝚂𝙿𝙾𝚁𝙴𝚂 𝙼𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙵𝚄𝙽𝙶𝚄𝚂. (HEADCANONS)#they can't exactly do anything else w it can they#but I can imagine Egon finding the amusement in it#and fun fact his arms look sactually look like that#very toned very nice
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hi hi hellooo! Aleksi's remix of Let Me Down Slowly came up on my youtube recs and it instantly reminded me of your amazing fic and I knoooooooooow I said it a million times but thank you so much for writing it and sharing it, it's so fucking good!!!!!!! 💖💘💖💕💖💖💘
now imagine, pining-idiots-that-haven't-realized-they-are-in-love Allu and Olli are probably enjoying their well deserved breaks from all the stuff they did in 2023 (and most likely with their partners by their side), but I like to imagine that they still make some time for at least one video call once a week, or that they exchange dumb texts daily because they miss each other so much 🥺💕
maybe Olli grabs his guitar one night and comes up with some beautiful riff that he sends to Allu, but this time Aleksi decides that they have to finish it together side by side (clearly an excuse to see Olli again because oooops, he realized he has Feelings™ for his friend and bandmate) and well, Olli had to travel to Helsinki anyway (to make sure the new posters were shipped correctly, or to sign a legal document or some made up bullshit), soooo why not stay at his just-a-friend-i-swear's place for a few days?
they would have the Moment Of Realization late at night, around 2AM when Allu is finally done with the remix and Olli is already asleep on the couch (is he really asleep, though? or just enjoying the moment with his eyes closed?). Allu would not resist the temptation of brushing a curl off Olli's beautiful face, and maybe caressing one of his cheeks while he can, not forseeing that Olli would be very much awake, so now they're both holding their breaths and staring at each other with so much love 💖💕💘
maybe they finally dare to get closer and share a shy little kiss after all those years of pining, or maybe they feel like they can't do it, not while they still have a significant other, and leave the studio confused and unsure of what to do next 🥰
anyways, it's already late over here and I used my last braincell to daydream about this 😅 have a lovely lovely day 💖💕💘💖💕💘
OH MY GOD???!!?!?!??!?! 😭😭😭😭😭
this made my stomach do the thing because akdjshfksjfdkf I've honestly spent the entire Christmas break thinking about the two of them constantly checking their phones and not really understanding why they feel so disappointed when there's no new text from the other or why they feel a pang of jealousy when the other posts a holiday greeting in the group chat (=a selfie with their gf with a cheesy Christmassy/NYE edit and a text "Happy Holidays from us!")
amd aaaahhhh imagine soft Olli playing softly on his soft guitar AND THINKING OF ALLU THE WHOLE TIME DJDHFGFFJFF I meaaaaan may I remind y'all that yet again this is not just something the delulu made up but instead it's something that actually for real happened with the Let Me Down remix 😭 obviously we don't know if Olli had the riff ready and Allu just happened to need one and it came up in a conversation, or if Allu asked him to make him one, or if Olli just sent the riff to Allu who was so inspired (and in love (with the riff! or at least that's what he convinced himself then)) that he made an entire remix based off it 🥺 my point here is that it's TOO EASY to imagine them doing exactly what you just derscribed 🤧💕
and yeah, I have also been imagining their first kiss and how terrifying it would be for the both of them 😭 I mean, I want to assume that the "deep talks" they've had over a glass of wine or a bottle of Mountain Dew (again, something we know for certain they done, not just something the delulu has decided is canon!!) they have also discussed sex and/or sexuality and came out as bi to each other, so it's not the fact they're both dudes and about to kiss each other that's messing with their heads rather than the fact they're both in relationships skgjdjfksjfsjfjdjf fuck why am I so invested in this 😩
bonus points indeed if they only ALMOST kiss before they snap out of it and aaaaaaaaaa poor confused boys!! because this whole time they've been like "I don't actually like him that way, and even if I did nothing could ever happen because we're friends and co-workers and he's taken" but then they realise they were having an undeniable Moment(tm) and the other was actually about to kiss them back too so they're like ???????????????? oh god 😭
thanks for this, I feel so validated once again 🙈
#i didn’t make any new year's resolutions but if i did it would’ve been to let this infidelity trope be#i know it's all fiction but........i'm so paranoid 🙈#but just so you know i could write fic after fic after fic about these two falling for each other in various circumstances#and yes many of them include them already being in relationships with someone else#i just keep imagining allu staying up late by himself bc his partner is already in bed#and he's contemplating whether or not he should text olli if he's awake too#he is of course (already waiting for allu's text) and i'm imagining them texting each other at ass o'clock with dopey smiles on their faces#when they could be sleeping next to their actual partners#OH WAIT i dont have to imagine this BECAUSE THAT HAPPENED FOR REAL TOO 💁♀️#to conclude they're in love but feel like they can't do anything about it 😔#answered asks#ollixallu#blind channel rpf#catboyolli
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oh its all so painfully real
#vent#transphobia#fuck.#i can barely compose my thoughts. im so upset and pissed off at my family#my grandmother screams my deadname on top of her lungs to call for me when i need to do something for her#and idk tonight i just got set off by it and started crying#eventually i composed myself only to be met with 'thats your name. its what i gave you' by my dad and...#idk i feel like i'll never be fucking accepted for who i am at all#it feels like i'm wearing a heavy mask that just wants to snap my neck if i move wrong#like i'm in the wrong for wanting to change my name due to it not reflecting me anymore#like everyone sees me as a basket case just waiting to be 'fixed' or whatever#its so... ..... i can't stop crying#my grandmother also said she cant change her ways and its making me want to bash my head into a wall until my brain turns into paste#IMAGINE IF I CALLED YOU DENNIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? WOULD YOU FUCKING LIKE THAT???#i'm so stressed and upset i don't want to do this anymore#im probably just going to listen to music to de-stress. don't have energy to do anything else
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