#like i can’t read anything else yet because it’s just been book after book changing my life
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
touchmex4 · 4 months ago
Text
happy dyke day to carol aird and therese belivet
3 notes · View notes
pepperyduck · 6 months ago
Text
deadbeat, pt.2 - toji fushiguro
Tumblr media
pt. 1
synopsis: still too stupid and selfish for anything good to happen.
word count: 1.9k
warnings: more angst, sort of comfort from the last part, more fighting, one (1) paragraph describing sex, toji breaks into your house, megumi is your baby, unneeded plot twist at the end, really bad writing again. (18+ mdni!)
notes: i really had not a clue for what to do as a part 2, so i stuck with canon events (kinda). i hope u like it :) please go read part 1 before reading this! it's at the top of the post! much love!!
masterlist
Tumblr media
“megumi, stop running away from me!”
 footsteps patter against the grass as your 1-and-a-half-year-old son tries to escape you. you laugh and chase him for a little while before scooping him up in your arms. he babbles and whines, now unable to run freely, but you tell him you need to cook dinner.
a year and some months have passed since toji kicked you out. you haven’t looked back since. you’d bought a house after getting a new job, it has a beautiful back yard and enough space for you and megumi to grow freely.
the only traces of toji left in your life was the dingy wedding ring he bought – that now laid somewhere in your jewelry box – and your son, who looked just like his father. toji’s genes absolutely outshined yours in the boy. however, you were able to look at megumi with more love than anything else in this world, despite what his deadbeat father did to you.
at the end of each day, after megumi goes to sleep, you enjoy spending a few hours to yourself, watching whatever tv drama or reading a book. after you put megumi down for bed, you stay in the room for a few minutes to make sure he falls asleep, safe and sound. and when you make your way back to the living area, a scene is in front of you that stops you in your tracks.
toji.
toji’s sitting on your couch, somehow broken into your house, and he’s looking right into your eyes. you can’t move. you can’t speak. you can only stare at toji as the uncomfortable silence fills the air more and more.
“wh-,” you stutter, anything other than the small noise unable to come from your lips, and you begin to back away slowly.
something had changed with you. since you’d left toji, a certain fear grew in the back of your mind, because toji was a dangerous person, after all. you had prayed things would be left alone, because you and megumi were just fine by yourselves, and toji is the one that told you to get out. the once fearless person you were was no longer there.
and the person that scared you the most was sitting in your living room.
“hey,” toji says, cutting the anticipation in the air, “don’t back away from me.” his words stop you once more.
“toji,” you mutter, saying his name again, something toji had longed for, “why…are you here?” you ask him, shoulders beginning to relax.
“i wanted to see my wife.”
toji’s nerve immediately angers you. you weren’t his wife anymore when he kicked you and his own son out of his house. you weren’t his wife when he cheated on you that night, either. you haven’t been his wife for well over a year. the divorce hadn’t been finalized yet, and you soon know why, when your eyes trail down to the coffee table and see the neat stack of papers you had sent toji months ago.  
“i’m…i’m not your wife anymore, toji,” you sternly tell him, crossing your arms over your chest. the fear you once had quickly fades, now replaced with nothing but anger – the same anger you’ve had for toji since you left his apartment.
“i haven’t signed the papers yet,” toji retorts, “and i won’t.”
rage boils up in your chest at his words. and the audacity he has to break into your house and declare you as his wife pisses you off even more.
“get the hell out of my house, toji,” you demand, pointing a finger towards the door – just as he did to you.
toji only crosses his arms in return. he doesn’t budge.
you stomp over to toji, leaning down and grabbing the collar of his shirt in your fist, “you’re the one that left me, you bastard,” a new strength makes its way into your arm as you tug on his shirt, forcing him to stand up, dragging him towards the entrance of your home, “get the hell out of my house!” you try and throw toji towards the door, and he stumbles over his feet for a second before regaining his balance.
too many emotions are running through you for you to act rationally. tears sting your eyes as you watch toji stand there, looking at the ground, a cold expression across his features. one of his fists is balled up. veins pop out of his arm. you lean against the wall in the walkway leading to your door, slowly sliding down until you’re on the floor. you bring your knees to your chest. tears slide down your cheeks.
toji takes a step toward you and crouches down so he’s on the same level. he reaches a hand out to cup your cheek, it’s the softest he’s touched you in a long time. you want to cower away from his touch, but all the feelings you tried so hard to push deep down — all the anger, all the sorrow, all the hurt, all the love — come rushing back into you at lightning speed.
toji’s dark pupils dilate as you look into them. he gives you once small look of vulnerability, something he hadn’t even done when you were married to him. he takes a thumb to wipe away one of the tears.
he’s sorry.
the words dare not come out of his mouth, but you can see, toji is sorry.
you break.
a small whimper leaves your lips, and you throw yourself into toji, wrapping your arms around his neck. his strong arms engulf you again.
“you…asshole,” you cry into his shoulder, tears coating the fabric of the shirt you almost ripped off of him. there are no smart remarks or retorts from the man, he knows, he just knows how much he hurt you.
the pain he put you through was inevitable.
as you continue your sobbing, a different cry comes out from down the hallway. toji’s head perks up at the wailing. it’s as if your baby knows exactly what is happening.
“it’s megumi,” you sigh into toji’s chest, quickly pushing the man off you. he stands up and helps you stand along with him. toji trails behind you as you enter megumi’s room.
there’s a look of unease on his face as he watches you pick your son up and hush him, whispering sweet words to him and combing his hair with your fingers. toji can see the resemblance to himself, how his child has the same eyes, same nose, same hair, even the same tiny eyebrows. he watches you bounce megumi on your hip, slowly settling the baby’s emotions, making him tired again in the process. as you cradle the almost asleep baby in your arms, you notice toji’s uncomfortable gawking.
“do you want to hold him?” you ask toji, voice still a little uneven when you talk to him. he hesitantly nods his head. you hold the slumbering baby out, coaching toji on the most adequate way to hold the boy.
it’s a sight to see, toji holding his mini-me, bolstering the baby in his arms. toji gives you a proud look, like, “i’m actually doing it!” but of course, his emotions go no further than the look on his face. he is content holding his son in his arms, he could stay that way forever, he thinks. his scarred lips curl into a frown when you tell him he needs to put megumi back down to sleep, but begrudgingly, he hands the boy back to you to settle him in his crib.
you and toji make your way into the kitchen, a much bigger space than what was in his apartment. the conversation you tried to outrun by crying and being angry is no longer able to be looked over. toji is left in the room with you, just you. toji sits in one of the chairs at the small dining table, you lean against the counter, across the room from him. awkward silence takes up the space between you.
“why are you here, toji?” you ask the man, stirring a spoon around in a mug of whichever tea you like best.
toji rests his elbows on the back of the chair, looking everywhere but at you, “i…just wanted to see you and the baby,” he weakly admits, although, you aren’t sure if you can trust his words. inside your heart, you so desperately want him to be telling you the truth, but he hasn’t earned your trust, he hasn’t done anything to do so.
you focus your attention on the cup of tea, still furiously stirring away, as toji gets up from the chair and slowly steps towards you. it feels like hours pass as he walks over, but eventually, he’s close and trapping you against the counter. an unsteady hand sets the mug down behind you, careful not to spill the hot substance on the either of you, and you stare toji right in the eyes, seeing a tiny look of lust.
after all the time that had passed, toji could no longer peel away the emotions he felt for you. he could no longer cover them up, remain cold, and stay mean. he needed you like this. he needed that person that took a chance on him, and he knows that no one else ever will be as courageous as you were when you asked him for his number that day.
toji leans in, and presses his lips to yours, giving you a light kiss that you hadn’t had in so, so long. you close your eyelids at the contact. once again, you wrap your arms around his neck, fully embracing the contact with him – god, you missed him. you missed your husband.
his hands find their way to your waist, he’s feeling you up and down, taking his time to touch all the crevices he remembers so well. intimacy. toji couldn’t find that with anyone else but you. it doesn’t take long for things to lead up, and toji’s carrying you to the bedroom, softly laying you down on the bed as you two rip each other’s clothes off.
toji makes love to you that night. it’s not fucking, or just sex, it’s a deep connection this time, so close, so cherished. more sentimental than all the months he spent with you beforehand. his hands are all over you, his eyes never leave your face, he makes sure it feels the best for you and him. hours and hours pass by, and the whole encounter feels like a moment, a dream, something so unreal that toji thought he could never have.
you fall asleep nestled in toji’s arms, the both of you naked and sweaty, and loved. a satisfying conclusion to the night. he waits for you to doze off first, and he watches the rise and fall of your chest as you so easily fall into a slumber, next to him.
maybe it wouldn’t be a good thing later down the line, maybe allowing him back into your life will end up being a mistake again. you aren’t sure if he will even be there by the time the sun rises. toji isn’t sure this will stay permanent, his thoughts of running away cloud his brain as he watches his wife sleep next to him, so peacefully. he doesn’t know how long he will stay.
but, neither one of you really care.
Tumblr media
toji’s eyes shoot open at the familiar sobbing of a baby. he sits straight up, covered in sweat, as if a nightmare had just ensued.
the bed is empty, he’s alone…and he remembers he’s been alone. you’ve been gone, for many months now, gone in a way you’re unable to return from.
it wasn’t a nightmare, no.
it was all a dream.
403 notes · View notes
enwoso · 6 months ago
Text
CHANGED — arsenal wfc x lionesses!reader
now i swear someone requested this but i literally can’t find the request in my inbox at all and i’m actually starting to think ive gone crazy and that i dreamt this request but anyways part two for hyper cause if i dreamt the request or not i loved it for what i can remember of it🙃
read hyper here
Tumblr media Tumblr media
masterlist
it had been a few weeks since your chat with leah, and slowly your behaviour had started to change and not for the worse. but for the better!
it took a few more scoldings from leah and kim for doing  silly things like, putting food colouring in pelovas shampoo or folding over all the pages in emily's book she was reading or when kept interrupting steph when she was filming a thirty second clip for the media team it ending up taking the australian thirty minutes to film the video instead of a minute.
but after one to many sit downs with leah and kim something clicked in your head and your mischievous acts slowly stopped.
so much so that in the first few days when you hadn't pulled a joke on anyone, the arsenal girls were wondering if you were sick or if something drastic had happened.
the girls feeling on edge about not having to check over their stuff or checking over door handles incase you had gotten to them before they had.
“y/n are you sure your not sick, there’s no way you’ve just turned down kyra’s attempt to cause havoc again!”
“i’m a changed women stephy! that’s the old me!”
and while you were technically a changed women it was all because of that big goal you had looming over your head. that you wanted to reach.
getting to the euro 2025.
yeah you still pulled a small harmless joke like scaring alessia whenever she came around a corner but that was just banter plus her face every time you did it was priceless.
plus leah said you were allowed to have some fun!
"you've had a good session today y/n" kim complimented you as she sat down next to you in the changing room you busy taking off your boots, kim felt a lot more relaxed the past few weeks not having to look over her shoulder every time she took a step in the training ground.
"thanks kim" you smiled at the captain, "let's hope you have another masterclass this weekend ey?" she nudged you as a small laugh came from you as kim was bringing up your two goals you got last weekend in the league.
"i hope so" you shrugged, your mind wasn't really on the weekend as much as it should you were more concerned about if you were going to get the phone call tomorrow or not, which would determine where your family were having their summer holiday.
"you thinking about the getting the call up?" kim asked quietly knowing your head was clearly somewhere else due to your lack of chattiness, normally your teammates would have a hard time getting you to stop talking.
you hummed as you nodded, kim bumping her shoulder into yours. "you'll get the call up, there's been a massive improvement in you over the last few weeks y/n"
you looked up to kim, seeing a genuine look on her face, "i mean it, and not only on the pitch but off the pitch too!"
"gosh your full of compliments today kimmy! did you finally wake up on the right side of the bed" you joked as you watched kim roll her eyes a small scoff coming from her.
"anddd she back! there's the y/n i know!"
it was the next day and it was safe to say you hardly slept spending too long up thinking about what you would do if you didn't get the call up, all those extra sessions, all those days spent trying to change your behaviour would have been for nothing.
but also thinking about what you would do if you did get the call up, how happy you would be and how proud your family would be of you.
walking into the colony you were tired, you were dragging your feet as your walked. your body feeling tired and you hadn't even done anything today yet.
grabbing your usual breakfast and slouching down on a chair on the closest table. "heard anything yet?" you looked up to see leah raising her eyebrows at you. shaking your head you began to eat praying it would wake you up a little.
"the list doesn't get posted until 12 so—" you hummed along with whatever leah was saying before you along with the other who were sat on your table fell into your usual small talk.
"y/n! your phones ringing!" alessia tapped you on the shoulder, your eyes snapping to the phone screen an unknown number on the screen.
"well answer it then!" leah said quickly as you scrambled to answer. standing up and walking over to the stand in the hallway where you'd be able to hear whoever was calling better.
leah, along with beth, kim, lia and alessia were all looking trying to decipher what you were saying and what the scenario was.
"do you think she's got the call up?" beth whispered as leah was trying so hard to lip read what you were saying but was really having no luck as she hadn't a clue what you were saying.
"surely, she'd be a great addition to the squad for the euros" alessia pointed out as beth hummed, along with lia and kim nodding along.
"oh she'll be gutted if she doesn't get it" lia sighed as kim give a knowing look. while she was silently praying for you hoping that you would as she dread to think about your reaction if you didn't get it.
"will you shut up i'm trying to listen!" leah huffed as she scowl at the group before going back to try her lip reading again it feeling as though you'd been standing in that hallway on the phone for the last hour when in reality it had been probably less than ten minutes.
"how is she able to hear when there's a wall there-" alessia whispered in beth's direction as beth shrugged waving off what leah had just said.
"right act normal she coming back-" leah spoke fast turning her body back around to the position she was sat in when you left trying to make out that she hadn't just been intensely staring at the conversation you were having on the phone.
"oh no she doesn't look very happy-" lia whispered, you walking in a small frown on your face. as your shoulders were hanging low as you sighed sitting down in your original seat.
"oh- y/n i'm so sor—"
"I'M GOING TO THE EUROS BABY!" you cheered, your face changing in a split second from a frown to a big cheesy grin as the canteen when quiet for a minute as they all processed what you'd said.
the girls all jumped up hugging you and congratulating you as they told you how proud they were of you.
“what did sarina say?” beth asked as the celebrations calmed down and everyone had sat back down.
“she just said she’d seen how well i’ve been playing and she thinks i could be good option for a game changer at the euros” you said with the same smile, it not leaving your face and probably wouldn’t be for a long time.
leah sat listening to you as you recalled the phone call over to them, as she sat like a proud mother. "yes kiddo! switzerland won't know what has hit them!"
417 notes · View notes
oonajaeadira · 14 days ago
Text
Patricio Keeps a Journal, Pt. 1: Winter
Good. Things. Take. Time. is a series that grew out of prompts–the whisper of a character, the asks of readers. And now, to get myself back into PATS’s head, the prompts are coming from @fanfticionoverload’s Seasons of Life challenge.
What you’re about to read are some excerpts from Patricio’s journal. Heads up they probably won't make much sense if you haven't read the ongoing series.
Each excerpt is just that–snippets that pertain to the story, taken from his presumed wider journal, each notated where it lands in the series and follows the chronology of the series.
The rules of the challenge ask for 250 words per prompt. I thought it would be a little less forced if I didn’t worry so much about that, so some may fall short of that number. And I’ll say that these aren’t heavily edited nor are they anything other than basic reactions, precisely because I wanted them to feel like the unfiltered thoughts one writes in a journal.
Let’s say that it was Shell’s orders for him to keep a journal in the first place. If his practice is his way of dealing with his demons, if he’s not going to go to traditional therapy, then “the least you can do is just offload before bed, and not the kind of offloading you do with your dick. I’m not gonna read it, but I’ll want to see words on those pages. Write a fucking play for all I care, write a manifesto about your love of pasta, I don’t give a shit what. Just write.”
I don’t have anything to write. I’m not a fucking poet. Shell says use the pen, get the words out of your head, just write anything. Anything. Anything. Tables have turned. Now I’m the one practicing letting it all out. Trying not to think too hard.  Anything.
Tumblr media
EXCERPT 1: SNOW
TIMELINE: a few days before Good. Things. Take. Time.
#39 gifted me four tickets to the game at her last session. It’s Neils’ birthday. I’ll surprise him and Dan with a guy’s night out.
Got a new client coming in on Thursday. #48. I wasn’t going to approve her. Nothing in her application hints at any lingering trauma that she can’t just get treated at a legit clinic. But Shell was pushy about this one. She's got a knack for these things and hasn’t been wrong yet. Official referral diagnosis: pain is psychological tension from a recent(?) divorce. I guess it’s worth a shot. If nothing else, divorcees are usually just in need of a good fuck so it’s an easy fix. Good photo. I like her style. She’s going to make pretty faces.
Thinking about taking some time off after that. Rare confluence of three clients ending their run at the same time, it’s slow season at the office and the guys can handle a week without me, I should get out of town. Someplace quiet. Or fuck, I don’t know, someplace distracting where I can get out of my head. Maybe I should book a massage. Look at me, I’m hilarious. Who massages the masseuse? I’ll have Shell find me something. Keep it interesting. Place yer bets: seedy and cheap or golden toilets and happy endings? As long as it’s somewhere warm.
Renee posted the pictures from her honeymoon. Skiing in the Alps. She always used to hate the snow. Guess people change. Change can be a good thing. 
She’s better off. 
___
EXCERPT 2: SCARF
TIMELINE: The night of Good. Things. Take. Time.
Shell hit the jackpot on this one. Perfect plaything. She’s like I custom ordered a client. Recurring cluster knots all down her starboard teres major, needs a hand getting in under the port shoulder blade…can’t do it alone. Needs my hands. She needs me. Follows directions, trusts completely. Has a good imagination. That will open up more in time. I expect a challenge out of this one. Surprised the shit out of me with the beautiful thing though. Maybe shouldn’t have let her have that. Maybe shouldn’t have gone down on her. It’s fine. She’s clean. Tastes good smells good ass for days. I can get a good handful. Everywhere.
And perfect inside. Tight but not too tight, good control with the right assistance, takes direction like a dream. I’ll be able to get her to sing if she keeps listening. Mierda, her skin. My hands want to eat it. Oil it up and map it out and scarf it down. Her muscle structure is    -just-    amazing. I haven’t been this amped in months. This one hits the spot.
Giving her Thursday across the board might have come off too eager. Well, if that didn’t, offering up extra days on call probably did. Jackass.
Not gonna worry about that tonight. Bowling with the guys tomorrow night. Hope they’re ready to eat their damn balls. I’m fucking invincible.
She called me beautiful. She’s [sentence scratched out] 
Forgot to note in her file–she said she hasn’t had anyone make her come in over a year even though info says she’s only been divorced a few months. What kind of an asshole just walks away from that her? How could anyone share a bed or a house or anything with that and resist for a year? She deserves to get fucked every day. Why wouldn’t you want someone that just falls into you so willingly and fucks so pretty? Great. Now I’m angry. Not my concern. Just my gain.
___
EXCERPT 3: COZY 
TIMELINE: weekend evening, after installment #2, relieving period cramps
Keep thinking about Thursday. It’s not about the blood. It is and it isn’t. It’s obviously that she needed relief. It’s good to see her trusting. That can be tricky for some women. Beaten into them that they have to hide what their body does. It’s a body. It’s a unique mechanism. It has shit and blood and needs a good release now and then. Or every day for some people...another truth for some of us that the world wants hidden away.
The blood’s messy. It’s primal. It’s brutal and nobody blinks an eye if it comes from a punch to the face or a slice of the thumb. But the minute it comes from the minute it shows you what  a woman’s body is capable of… But it’s also the harshness of the color, a signal that if there’s pain then it’s real. It’s a helpful focus.
She just LETS me. There's beauty in that pliability. She trusts, she follows, she heals. The way her face just relaxes when the knots are gone. It’s almost as good as the orgasm itself. Beautiful.
Got her all warmed up in the bath, all cozy in bed. Fell asleep like a worn-out kitten and I had an urge to kiss her forehead. Poor thing just needed it today. Successful session.
___
EXCERPT 4: FIREPLACE 
TIMELINE: a couple of weeks later, evening, after installment #3, the treatment for migraine and anxiety AND includes this six sentence ficlet
Well shit. There’s a coincidence. She wouldn’t believe me if I told her.
Thursday came in tonight tight as a screw, migraine a good 7 or 8. I had to take it slow. Asked her to focus on some bright spots in her life, like her favorite things. I might have guessed the animals and reading, but the fanfiction was a surprise. Cute. It was best not to talk about what was causing the stress because
Her family coming to stay.
Fuck if I don’t sympathize. 
Mama got here two days ago and all she can do is complain about her hotel and American food and how everyone speaks too fast for her to keep up. It’s cold here. The hotel should have a fireplace. Why don’t you take time off Patricio? You have an extra bedroom, why can’t your mama sleep there?
I love her. But I get it. There are just some boundaries that are hard. I get you, Thursday.
Preciosa.
Fucked her five ways til Sunday. She fucked ME five ways till Sunday.. She drew blood. Didn’t even care. Mark me up, girl. Glad I could help, but damn that might have been more mutually beneficial than I’d originally planned.
___
EXCERPT 5: HOT CHOCOLATE 
TIMELINE: night of installment #4, with the undergarment ripping and the thigh-highs
I didn’t expect to get to play this much. I’m usually so focused on the pain and making sure the client can come in their condition that there’s not a lot of room for fun and surprises. I got to take Shell out last weekend and might have bought her too many beers and pull-tabs. It took her about three bottles to get profound. She wants to know who "therapies the therapist" and told me I should remember that it’s okay to put my own priorities first sometime. She said that people in the industry of care need to be taken care of too. She said it’s okay to have a client that gives as good as she gets. Then she went home and threw up and texted me the next day that she’s drinking nothing but hot chocolate from now on. Haha
Shit. Thursday feels good when she walks out of here. She looks like a million bucks. I did that. I DO that. THAT’s what I need. So yeah. Why shouldn’t I enjoy that? Cute tonight. She wanted me to rip her panties. All she had to do was ask, but I think she was embarrassed to?
So the new diagnosis is lack of confidence and the treatment is for her to speak up for what she wants. We’re going to get her to a place where she can ask–or demand what she needs. We’ll work on her trusting that I’ll give her anything she wants–anything. 
She’ll be able to walk out of here and conquer the world when I’m done with her.
___
EXCERPT 6: FREEZING 
TIMELINE: a couple of weeks after the previous entry
...
[….] and Niels can go to hell though because I don’t care how low key it is or how good the whiskey is, I’m not giving up my Thursdays to fill in the hole in his poker night. His basement is freezing and I have warmer places to be.
Although speaking of, Thursday canceled again. It’s been a couple of weeks. Crunch time at work for her I guess. Her portal messages seem pretty stressed. She’s apologetic about missing sessions. I can tell her she doesn’t need to apologize, I’m getting paid whether she shows or not. And honestly, it just means we’re going to have to work that much harder to get her malleable again and I can hardly complain about that. A build up’s a hell of a thing. As long as she doesn’t mess up her rhombs again. We were just making headway on that. I should ask her about her desk chair.
But I’d be lying if I said that I gave a shit about the pay. I’m allowed to enjoy my clients and be disappointed when I don’t get to see them.
At least Jean’s back on Friday. It will be nice to see her again. Now that her latest surgery’s all healed up, we can find her some good positions for her to take home. I know her partner’s skittish about the discovery phase. But she’s almost done and when the reconstruction’s over, he’ll thank me for it. He SHOULD thank me for it, she’s got a good laugh and good tits.
Jean’s a perfect example of learning to speak up for herself. I can do the same for Preciosa. Lucky for her she doesn’t have Jean’s level of pain to work through. But she’s gotta show. up. for. it. Come on, girl. I got you.
___
EXCERPT 7: MARSHMALLOW
TIMELINE: directly after installment #5, all pent up and feral
Now THAT. Was a successful fuck. We’re making headway here. Little slapping, little biting, she got a good few hair yanks in there. She’s learning that not only am I not a marshmallow…neither is she. Good girl. Pretty high praise response, but she’s also got a little fight in her. She’s a switch and doesn’t even know it. She will. 
There were some real emotions tonight, real anger, real tears. But when she let go I nearly wept myself. It was beautiful. She’s working too hard and she knows it. But she also knows I’ve got her when she does. Hopefully that will preempt some of the stress next time. Not even upset about that shoulder blade. We’ll just start from the beginning on that.
[....]
Just reminded me of Renee nagging about working too hard. I just remembered that I had a dream about her a few nights ago. Not really about her. She was in the background somewhere and not even angry that I didn’t stop to say hello. Then she picked up her purse and left. The light kind of shifted like, I don’t know. Felt like it was the last time I’d see her. Not in a bad way. 
It’s good. Like a door really closing.
Maybe I do work too hard. But I like it. It’s who I am. It’s my choice.
____
Tumblr media
PATS in winter by @d4rm4nd4
SERIES MASTERLIST
155 notes · View notes
peachsukii · 10 months ago
Text
₊✩‧₊⇢  right person, wrong time?
『 ෆ k.bakugo x fem!reader 』
Bakugo’s loved you since high school. You always pushed him to work hard, never took his shit without giving it back tenfold, and was a pillar of support through some of the toughest times in his life. Even so, he’s convinced himself you’d never feel the same, that he has no shot with you.
Why?
Because you’re quirkless.
You’re part of the 20% without one, and he told himself he can’t get in your way of your life. Bakugo can’t stand the thought of being the reason why you don’t chase after your own dreams. He knows you too well - you’d put your happiness aside to support him the second he asked. You’d put your life on hold if it meant for him to succeed as a pro hero.
But he can’t do that. You’re the one thing he can’t seem to bring himself to be selfish about.
So Bakugo sits idly by, for years, as your best friend. The one you’d do anything for, no matter the time or place. He watches you date shitty guys and picks up the pieces they leave you in. Buys you your favorite foods when you have a bad day, surprises you with “just thinking of you” gifts, and drops whatever he’s doing the second you need him.
He’s attempted dating, desperately tried to get you out of his heart and make room for someone else - he fails each time. Miserably.
So tonight, that all changes.
You’re attending the annual Hero Gala together tonight, just like you have for the last four years. Bakugo always asks you to be his plus one as it keeps people away from him and he gets to spend time with you…rather, gets to see you dressed to the nines and have you on his arm all night long. It’s the one day a year he gets to pretend you’re his.
You’ve recently gotten a huge promotion in your line of work and he’s broken the top 10 of the hero charts - what better time than now to shoot his shot? He’s waited long enough, run through every excuse in the book why not to tell you how he feels.
The night winds down and the two of you get back into his car, sitting in silence for the ride home. That’s not uncommon for you two, but Bakugo’s reading too much into it tonight. It makes his hands tremble on the wheel, white knuckling the pleather from nerves. Once he pulls up to your apartment complex, he turns the car off and gets out to open your door for you.
To his surprise, you invite him in.
“I have a surprise for you!”
Bakugo’s whole body is tense at this point. What could you have for him?
“Here, open it.” You hand him a small box wrapped in orange paper. “It’s not much and a little cheesy, but congratulations on breaking the top 10!”
He opens the package to find a golden bracelet in a box with the inscription “plus ultra, dynamight!” on the underside of it.
“Ya didn’t have to get me shit, but thank you. I love it.”
He hugs you immediately, scooping you into a loving embrace and relishing in the excuse to have skin contact with you.
“I, uh, actually have somethin’ for you, too.” His voice waivers while he fiddles with his jacket pocket. You raise an eyebrow while waiting for him to present…whatever it is he had.
Bakugo pulls out a small box of his own, handing over the velvet jewelry case. You gingerly take it from his palm and can’t help but notice he’s shaking like a leaf.
“Are you okay, Kat? You’re shaking.”
“Just…open it.”
And you do - revealing a beautiful rose gold locket inside. It’s in the shape of a heart, dainty yet big enough to fit a minuscule picture. Before you open it, he stops you by gently touching your hand. He’s trying to hold eye contact with you, but keeps darting between your gaze and the ceiling.
“I’m sorry if this seems outta nowhere, but it’s been eatin’ me alive for years. And if it’s too much, we can forget it ever happened.”
You tilt your head at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Oh. The locket.
Time crawls to a halt as you pry open the locket, peering into the small enclosure to see two things - a picture of the two of you on the left and a small handwritten phrase on the right.
‘I love you. -Kats’
The silence in the apartment is deafening. Bakugo’s vibrating out of his skin while awaiting a semblance of a response to his confession. You’re normally easy to read, but in the moment, he’s struggling to observe how you could be feeling. It’s driving him fucking insane. He starts to feel regret, embarrassment settling in his bones as he bites his lip.
He just ruined everything. The precious friendship you two had - gone. He knew that locket was a stupid idea.
Bakugo’s preparing himself for your rejection. The tears are building and the lump in his throat solidifies. He attempts to keep himself together as he begins to croak out an apology.
“Look, I shoulda—”
“Say it.”
Bewilderment is an understatement as he recoils at your demand. He blinks the stray tears away, all the breath he had being stolen away by your words. He swallows thickly, never thinking he’d get this far in the conversation. He was fully prepared to high tail it outta there, not…stay.
“Wha—”
“Tell me you love me.”
This can’t be real.
Bakugo’s body moves on its own, closing the gap between you two in under the dim light of your entry way. He cradles your jaw, thumbing over the apple of your cheek and studying your eyes as he takes a deep breath. This is the moment he’s been waiting for - the one he’s been yearning over. The opportunity to tell you exactly how he feels, how much you mean to him.
Four words is all he needs.
“I fucking love you.”
You can’t help but laugh, maybe a little too loudly as Bakugo’s cheeks turn strawberry in color.
“It’s about damn time. I love you too.”
His heart pounds, his legs feel like jello, his muscles stiffen. And yet, he powers through it all.
Your lips meet for the first time - the kiss is soft, sweet, careful.
When you part, his vision blurs a bit, overwhelmed by the emotions swelling in his chest. His lips are slightly parted behind heavy breaths, taking in the moment he was so graciously given.
“I didn’t wanna get in your way.”
You laugh. “Then don’t be in my way, come with me.”
God, he was such an idiot. A lovesick fool blinded by his own infatuation to see that his best friend loved him, too.
You hand the locket to Bakugo and spin around while holding up your hair. He tenderly places the chain around your neck and secures the clasp, letting the metal fall to your collarbone.
“I’m all yours, Katsuki.”
You always have been.
884 notes · View notes
Text
You’re Losing Me
Tumblr media
Click here for my masterlist.
Click here to add yourself to my taglist.
Prompt - ‘Every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes. How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?’
Notes -  I won’t lie I don’t know if House still has an active fandom but I just started watching it so have this, also the way this song was leaked like four hours ago and I immediatly jumped to google docs
Tumblr media
It seemed impossible when you had first realised how you felt, falling in love with a man twice your age, a man who was your boss no less, it had been an impossibly bad, stupid idea. You hadn’t planned on acting on it, the man was meant to be your mentor but he was so unlike anybody you had ever met before, so bluntly honest, never beating around the bush, there was something so charmingly arrogant about how that you just couldn’t help but like.
So it went on for months, months where you silently pined for him, sneaking glances at him as he watched his soaps in his office, stealing moments together as he pulled you into an empty room as he avoided clinic duty and instead quizzed you on the latest patient. You had hoped that ignoring how you felt would just make your feelings go away, make you realise this was just a silly crush and yet nothing ever changed.
Nothing changed until the man started seeking you out more, he started to look to you first for answers, it was you he found first to talk about cases or music or whatever else came to his mind. He wasn’t open but he did begin sharing little pieces of himself with you, nothing overly personal to most people but when it was Gregory House sharing those tidbits they felt big, they felt important, like it was this closed off man's way of trying to open himself up, to give something in return for all you shared with him.
You knew as you spent more time with him that it wasn’t just a silly crush anymore, it wasn’t just some admiration that had gotten out of hand, you were falling for the man and you tried not to let yourself hope that he was falling for you too. Then you’d see him talking to Wilson, the two of them sat together, Wilson looking hopeful whilst House frowned, his eyebrows furrowing together before both their gazes found you and his frown turned into a small twitch of the lips.
Neither of you acted on it for a while but the pining and the tension eventually became too much for both of you. You couldn’t exactly say who snapped first, only that the case you had been working had lasted for an exhaustingly long week and you were both pent up with far too many emotions, add the bottle of something strong from his office and it wasn’t a surprise when you found yourself pressed against the wall with House’s lips on yours.
From there on nothing had been defined for a month or two, you both spent more time together, slept together, went for meals together, yet nothing was ever defined. It had driven you crazy, not knowing if House wanted something more from you or if you were simply a way to burn off steam after work.
Eventually you had given into your need to know, waiting until you were alone, you pulled against his chest, tucked up in bed together. You hadn’t been able to get the words out, mouth opening and closing, your fingers distractedly playing with him as you tried to collect your thoughts.
House never missed anything though and if he could read other people well without ever needing to meet them then he could read you like the words of his favourite book. He had been the one to start the conversation, telling you to say whatever you needed to say and listening as you stammered out the question of what were you.
House had paused, it wasn’t like he wasn’t expecting it, of course he had been waiting for it and yet he still had to pause. He had to remember all his conversations with Wilson, the ones where he had promised to give this a real go because his feelings were real. It wasn’t easy, he had closed himself off for years, never letting himself get attached, never letting himself fall.
Of course you came along and ruined that but he had never been able to find it in himself to be mad. He was glad it was you he got to try again with, he was glad it was you who showed him that he wasn’t totally ruined.
He may not have understood why you wanted to be with a man twice your age, a man who was explosive and closed off, a man who needed drugs just to make it through a day, a man who was so far beyond damaged he couldn’t remember a time he had been whole. He didn’t understand it but he wasn’t taking it for granted.
He told you as much and you let yourself fall a bit more for him at the honesty, at the trust he had given you. From there on, you hated how cliched it sounded, but everything just seemed to have fallen into place.
You went out together and called them dates, House let himself relax, stopped analysing every word he said, stopped debating whether he was enough for you and instead let himself slowly open himself up to you. You hadn’t been hurt the way House had, sure your last relationship had broken you for a while but you were trusting House to not do the same, you didn’t have the same insecurities so whilst you fell first it took House a little longer but he fell in love with you too.
It was good for the first few years, not perfect because nothing was ever perfect. You worked together and you went home together, sometimes that was too much, sometimes a case was too much and you couldn’t leave it at the door, instead dragging it in and letting it linger but everything always resolved itself, everything was good.
You fell hard and so did he. You moved into his place even after he offered to find somewhere else but you had just smiled at him and told him his house felt like home and you’d love to move in with him.
You couldn’t say how many nights had been spent with the two of you on his sofa, his arms wrapped around you with you against his chest, holding you close as you spoke softly to one another, how many nights had been spent listening to him play the piano that sat in the corner or listening to music filling the room after a long day where no words were needed.
It was good.
So where had things started to fall apart? When had that love turned into something else, something that seemed more for show than anything else. When had you gone from sitting in bed as House read aloud, the lamp lighting the room with a soft orange glow before the two of you drifted off in each other’s arms to you staying awake long after House had fallen asleep, staring into the silence and wondering what had happened, wondering if time was running out for you.
It had started with little things, things you hadn’t even noticed until months later. He brushed you off more, not just at work but outside too, suddenly your opinion didn’t seem as important. Then it escalated to him cancelling plans which evolved into him forgetting to cancel plans, leaving you sitting alone in a crowded restaurant, having to keep the tears out of your eyes as you left realising you’d been stood up again.
It was when the sympathetic looks came that you couldn’t bear it, not from the strangers around you but from Cameron, Foreman and Chase. Each of them had warned you away from him at the start, told you House just wasn’t a relationship guy but you had ignored them and it was worth it, it had been worth it for the best years of your life.
Their sympathetic looks hurt, they could see something wasn’t right but their’s weren’t the one that cut deep. That honour belonged to Wilson. House trusted that man more than anyone and to see his fond looks turn sad and sympathetic, that’s when it hurt.
The only person who couldn’t seem to see that things were falling apart was House himself. The man who notices everything, the man who sees the smallest thing and pieces together an entire puzzle without any other parts, the man who spots and obsesses over every anomaly failed to notice how tired you were. He failed to see the way you were sick, sick of being tired, sick of feeling unwanted, sick of questioning what you had done and why you weren’t good enough and where things had gone wrong and why he didn’t love you anymore.
You were sick and he couldn’t see it or maybe he just wouldn’t admit it. He still said the words I love you even as you frowned, wondering how he could so easily say those words when he couldn’t even see you in front of him, couldn’t see how you were dying from how much everything hurt.
How did he miss the pain and anger and grief in your eyes as you glared at him in the morning, him so easily going about his day whilst he ignored you, gave you a little bit but never what he used to. He smiled and joked in front of everybody, the others whilst knowing something was wrong never knowing the extent because not even House seemed to realise what was happening.
It had been years and you had wanted so much more with him, you wanted to give him everything and yet House seemed content stuck where you were, happy to stay frozen in time. You wanted to beg him, fall to your knees and plead with him to do something, to see that he was losing you despite how badly you had always wanted him.
It felt like your heart was twisting and stuttering, sometimes beating too quickly that you were afraid it was going to push you over the edge and sometimes beating so slowly you thought you were already dead.
You wanted him to notice, you needed him to notice, to do something to fix it. He was a doctor, he was the one who always noticed everything, focusing and giving it his attention until the problem was fixed but when he looked at you he didn’t see a problem because these days he never looked for long enough.
The thing was House had always been the one to understand you, to know what you were thinking without you ever needing to vocalise it, he used to be able to take one look and understand everything about you. Now though it was like you were a stranger to him.
You didn’t want to lose him, you didn’t want to be in a world where you didn’t love him anymore but you were tired and drained and just sad. Sure you may still fall asleep in the same bed but he never pulled you into him anymore, suddenly all the songs that he played sounded infinitely sadder and you nearly laughed at how you felt like those songs, becoming sadder and sadder as each day passed.
You had given him so much, you had never complained once about the drugs, accepting that was who he was, you had never given a second thought to his leg even when he tried to use it as an excuse to keep you from loving him, you loved his personality where most people struggled to even accept it.
You had given him the best of you and now it felt like everything was too far gone to bring back to life.
“Can I talk to you?” You asked softly as you stepped into House’s office, already having spoken to Cuddy and knowing you were doing what was best for you even if you did feel like your heart had exploded in your chest.
“Little busy right now.” He told you, barely taking his eyes away from the board in front of him, sparing you half a glance and missing the way your eyes were teary and red. “Can it wait?”
You took a shaky breath, wanting him to notice, wanting him to realise everything was broken. Where the man before you had once felt like home, had felt like he had been made by the universe for you to find, tied together with an invisible string to lead you to each other, now it felt like that string had been slashed, cutting off your blood flow and oxygen and stopping your heart all together.
“No, it can’t.” You said and watched as he huffed before turning to you, leaning against the desk to look at you and still not seeing something was wrong. Your lips quivered as you forced yourself not to cry, even as you felt the sting of tears returning. “I’m leaving.”
“You’re leaving?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you, not seeming too alarmed.
“Yes, I’m leaving. I spoke to Cuddy and handed my resignation in and-”
“Wait a second, you’re leaving the hospital? Why? You love it here.” House said, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to solve the puzzle in his head.
“I’m leaving New Jersey.” You interrupted his thought process, watching as he stared at you dumbly. “I already spoke to my parents, they’re letting me move back home for a little bit until I find something else but I’m leaving.”
“I don't understand.” He told you and it hurt, it hurt how genuinely confused he sounded. He really hadn’t figured it out, he hadn’t cared enough to notice everything had gone to pieces.
“I know you don’t.” You told him because it was all you could say, you knew he didn’t understand but he should, he should love you enough to see understand.
Do something, you pleaded in your head, say something, lose something, risk something, choose something, choose me.
You needed him to choose you, needed him to swallow his pride, to lose it for just a few minutes, risk being emotional, risk something, you needed him to choose you, all you wanted was for him to want you, to need you the way you needed him.
“So that’s it?” He said and your lips thinned as you fought back a sob.
Of course he wasn’t going to fight for you, of course he wasn’t going to choose you, not when he had been pulling away for so long without even realising it. Or maybe he did know what he was doing and he had just been seeing how long it would take for you to crumble and break.
“That’s it.” You forced out, somehow managing to keep the flood of tears from falling even as you felt the last of your heart stop.
“Right, well then, if that’s everything I have somewhere to be.” House told you coldly, not giving you a chance to say anything as he grabbed his cane and walked past you and out of his office, down the hallway without so much as glancing back.
Alone in his office you let the tears fall down, a hand to your mouth as you tried to muffle your sobs, not sure you’d be able to come back from this one. It hurt too much, all you had wanted was for him to fight for you and he didn’t even want to.
How had things gone so wrong?
Doctor Gregory House Taglist - 
New character, use the link in my bio to add yourself
Thank you so much for reading!💜
982 notes · View notes
andkisses · 1 year ago
Text
♡ lovesick | enhypen ♡
Tumblr media
ot7!enha headcanon: him realizing this feeling he has? is something he might want to pay attention to
♡ ot7 x gn!reader | wc. 615 total ♡ genres/tropes: fluff! he’s in love he just doesn’t know it  ♡ mentions of/warnings: none  ♡ a/n: little something for every member <3 first two above the cut, and the rest below ^^ inspired by taylor swift lyrics <3 i lowkey feel it doesn’t match the title but uh here’s wonderwall; this was also marginally proof read lol ♡ masterlist ♡
Tumblr media
✧・゚: *jungwon
everything is shinier now, brighter–jungwon almost can’t believe it. he wonders how could one person change everything? but there’s proof. he sees you in everything, the moon and the stars and the sun. you’re the birds singing, even the rain. and when he gets to hold you? he’s soft and delicate, like you’re the most precious thing the world–no, the universe has to offer. surely, this feeling will never go away, and jungwon’s okay with that.
✧・゚: *heeseung
it hits him one random afternoon. heeseung’s not sure if it’s how the sun came down through the window or how you look sitting on the other end of the couch paging through a book. suddenly, he feels dizzy and the room is spinning, and you are at the center of it all, shining so brightly. and there’s this feeling in his chest unlike any other. it makes him feel sick, but it’s different. and, most terrifying of all, heeseung’s pretty sure he likes it.
✧・゚: *jay
it takes bravery, sure, to be so close to you. you’re intoxicating, invigorating. at first jay feared it would be too much, but there was something–he couldn’t put his finger on it–that kept drawing him in. now, sitting here, listening to you talk about something with passion and light in your eyes and your hands drawing examples in the air, he thinks he knows what this feeling is. jay knows it will take a little more bravery to say out loud.
✧・゚: *jake
he never thought it could be possible to see someone the way he sees you. you’re like a warm light, a glow where you are. jake never thought he could feel someone’s absence like he does yours, either. the coldness, how his thoughts chase after you. your smile, your laugh. you’re like an energy booster, nothing like anything else before. it causes a particular dizziness jake hasn’t been aware of before, and he’d like to know more.
✧・゚: *sunghoon
the movie climax of the movie and all the drama plays out on the screen, but sunghoon can feel himself drifting off. he knows he won’t make it to the credits. he might not even make it through this scene. you’re already asleep next to him, head on his shoulder, hand on his arm. the rise and fall of your breaths, the sweet smell of your perfume. sunghoon isn’t sure if the feeling in his chest is because he’s tired, or something else entirely. as he drifts off, he decides he could get use to it.
✧・゚: *sunoo
he’s certain you could out do any star. sunoo has met a lot of people, but none like you. he isn’t sure how you do it either, it seems to be so natural. yet you’re intriguing, creating your own kind of gravity. and even though he can’t name this feeling–or, he’s too shy to name it yet–sunoo knows he would be okay if he were a satellite caught in your orbit. because even if he doesn’t want to admit it yet, sunoo is already very comfortable with this feeling.
✧・゚: *niki
it’s in the way his hands rattle when you’re near, or how niki’s breath likes to skip. the way his heart beats so badly, so loudly that he’s certain you can hear it. what is this feeling? he’s got to do something about it, because he feels like he is noticing everything about you, and he’s never seen anyone like this before–the way you fix your hair, your fashion, the way you laugh. that is what gets niki the most–whenever he gets you to laugh, and he knows, above everything else, he’d do anything to keep you happy.
219 notes · View notes
guiltyreverie · 1 year ago
Text
Remedy
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3
Pairing: Gojo x reader
Content tags: enemies to lovers; slow burn; afab!reader; clan issues
Warnings: slow burn, gojo being a dick (even geto can’t save him here), enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, gojo dating around, pain :)
Word count: 6.5k
Tumblr media
“Say something. Anything,”, he grasps your hands and you push his hands away, almost disgusted at him for behaving this way, “I’m begging you.”, he looks at you with a defeated expression.
“You’re un-fucking-believable, Gojo.”, you almost spit at him but you take a step back away from him to avoid such immaturity and shake your head.
It’s been almost two weeks since you went to Gojo’s house and he finally got the stick out of his butt to realize just how badly he screwed up - it took him two weeks to notice, mind you.
“Are you always going to be an immature asshole, insulting me whenever we disagree, Satoru?”, you aren’t yelling yet, but with all your pent up anger and worse, hurt, it’s going to be only a matter of time.
He interrupts your well prepared monologue, “No-“
“Shut it.”, he immediately shuts up and looks at you like a kicked puppy. “I’m talking now, no interruptions, you hear me?”, he nods along afraid of what you’d do if he actually interrupted you again.
“I did not deserve to be treated like- like a himbo in front of your entire family!”, you stutter, your anger consuming you to the point all your prepared insults and thoughts just crumble and you aren’t able to form coherent thoughts. You take a deep breath and run your hand through your hair: “All I wanted was for you to open up because I care about you and I worry for you,”, Satoru widens his eyes and opens his mouth only for him to close it again like a fish when you give him a ‘don’t you dare speak’ look, “but even that seems to bite me in the ass with you, Gojo. I’m done with whatever kind of friendship we had, do what you want, I’m out of here.”
“Y/n”, he grabs your arm to hold you back from turning around but you quickly shake it off.
Your steps halt for a second and it seems like all your inner turmoil just disappeared and you’re left with some sort of clearance: no anger, no hurt, no frustration, nothing.
You coldly glance at him and shake his arm off then keep walking - a silent goodbye.
He wanted to run after you, catch you, you were slipping off his grasp but he knew if he didn’t respect your wishes now, he’d completely lose you and there would be absolutely no way you’d ever forgive him.
With every step you took you felt the tension in your shoulders ease and when you finally stepped outside the nagging sense of freedom was gnawing at your skin as if it was finally breaking free you suddenly could breathe the breath you were holding in and relief washes over you - the chapter about Gojo Satoru was over what you fail to realize is that it’s an entire book about him
Saying goodbye to your feelings towards Satoru was easier than you had initially thought - maybe you were in denial or in a state of apathy but it helped immensely.
Even when you finally see him after a few days your body gave out no reaction - no thumping heartbeat, no goosebumps, nothing; you were so indifferent towards him, towards anything really, you had become a mere shelter of what you had once deemed as yourself but there was no changing it - at least some of his comments were true it seems.
He’d glance at you several times even when somebody else was talking to him and despite your best attempts to ignore him you still feel him staring; it irks you, makes you feel naked, you knox he’s trying to read you; figure out what’s going on im that pretty little head of yours and it’s only a matter of time before you break under his excruciating stare.
Your mouth opens before you can even stop yourself: “What?”, he is startled - he didn’t expect you to actually talk to him first.
“You’re pretty.”, your eyes widen in surprise and you flick his forehead.
“Compliments aren’t going to make me forgive you.”
“It was worth a shot.”, that boyish smile reappears, the same smile that makes you feel giddy and almost always makes you want to drop down your guard and let him in; for a split second you think that smile is worth your ruin and you have to shake yourself off of those thoughts, let the rationality take over again otherwise you might catch yourself falling into a hole you can’t come out of.
You shake your head no, your eyes distrusting, to someone like him you probably just look like a scared bunny but you didn’t care, you let him in once and see where it got you.
“Anything important you need to discuss?”, you stare blankly at him.
“Hmm, something important...”, he grabs his chin contemplatively, “well if I say ‘you’, how would you react?”
“Gojo, be serious for once in your life!”, you scoff at him.
“I am.”
“No, you aren’t.”, you roll your eyes.
“See, y/n, that’s your problem, you always assume what’s going on in my head and why we can never see eye to eye.”, he’s starting to whine.
“I wouldn’t have to, if you’d just say what you think for once in a while,”, you sigh, “but as we have seen at the dinner, sometimes I really don’t want to know what’s going on in your head.”
“C’mon, sweetheart, I wasn’t being serious, I just wanted to rile you up a little.”
“Well you seriously hurt me, so I guess you did rile me up in some way.”, you want to forgive him, but the part of you that was always at odds with Gojo, the part that was always insulted by Gojo couldn’t; The two of you don’t know how to be friends with each other and maybe it should just stay that way, and hopefully someday you’ll become acquainted enough to get married.
The odds weren’t looking good for the both of you and it would always just be a matter of days or weeks when you’d just start to fight again, that’s how you guys always were and how you’d always will be, you can’t deny this.
“I’m sorry, it was never my intention to actually hurt you.”, Gojo grabs your face and looks at you with so much intensity and honesty, add his height to the equation and you can’t help but feel intimidated by him, “look at me, y/n, look at me and tell me I’m lying. We both know I’m not.”.
The two of you stare at each other for what feels like minutes but you don’t know how much time has actually passed and you sigh.
“You’re on very thin ice, Gojo.”
Smooch - you felt a wet and warm sensation; Satoru had just kissed your cheek sloppily, you’re too shocked to even react - He had kissed you; suddenly you’re unable register anything other than your face heating up and the inner little devil voice in your head craving more of this.
When you finally manage to pull yourself together you push him away stunned and flustered: “Gojo! Have some shame, won’t you.”, he grins that boyish smile once again and you can feel the ice on your heart thawing little by little - a sense of doom overcomes you. You hate this, you hate him, you hate yourself for letting him crawl back to your heart.
You take a step away from him, a bubble of anxiety rises within you, you need to breathe, a task which you find really hard to do when you catch yourself once again staring at his blue eyes that look at you with the same anxiety you’re feeling - were those his or your feeling reflecting in his irises? You weren’t sure, maybe both.
“Look, you screw this up and it’s final, no more redemption, apologies or whatever else you come up with are gonna work anymore.”, you look at him trying to read his stoic expression but as always; it’s hard to find out what’s going on inside his head. “I’m tired of opening up just for it to bite me in the ass afterwards.”
“I know and I promise, I did not mean to hurt you.”
You nod, he deserves the benefit of the doubt, at least for your own sanity and your future together.
To your surprise he did seem to pull himself together and although you two still bicker at any chance you get or he ends up teasing and annoying the hell out of you, it was different than before - it was more lighthearted, less intense, you liked this dynamic between you. You guys hang out even more together - Haname even complains about how he is taking up all of your time and in response he ends up bragging about that towards her and you end up scolding him for his immaturity.
Sometimes the three of you would hang out together but other times Satoru would drag you out by yourself or Haname would explain she had enough of him for a while and needed some girl time and right now was one of those occasions.
Haname and you end up sitting in a nice restaurant and enjoying each other’s company, god you loved her so much.
“Yknow, I’m not trying to be all sentimental but remember when we ate here for the first time?”, she grins at you happily, you can’t help but roll your eyes at her playfully.
“God, you sound like a 80 year old lady reconciling with her long lost friend.”
“I mean, you do have been kinda M.I.A. these weeks.”, she wiggles her eyebrows like a mad woman and you scoff.
“I have not.”
“You have.”
“How have I been M.I.A.?”, you gasp in surprise - you had fairly often talked to her the past few days.
“Uh-huh”, she hums, “baby, even when you’re with me, you’re still hung up thinking about your boyfriend.”, she grins, a glint in her eyes, that tells you she knows exactly what’s going on inside your head - even without telling her.
You scowl at her: “He’s not my boyfriend.”, and try to save at least some of the dignity that your cheeks starting to flame up as if you had just entered hellfire are taking away from you.
She looks at you with a pointed look: “I didn’t even mention his name.”
If you thought your face couldn’t get any redder than now, you were proven horribly wrong now.
“It’s not like that.”, you roll your eyes, a little pang hits you in the chest, “he doesn’t even feel the same way”, you shrug and gulp down the tension that’s building up in your throat. “We’re just facing the fact that we’re going to end up together either way and decided it might be better to get along instead of hating each other’s gut.”
“What I’m hearing is, you like him.”, she smiles at you.
You nod hesitantly.
“Well, how are you so sure, he doesn’t feel the same?”, she looks at you, her gaze clearly saying ‘don’t assume what other people are thinking’
You shake your head at her and gesture to the couple a few seats behind you: “That’s why.”
She turns around to the spot you pointed at before she gasps loudly, catching the attention of several people in the room, including Satoru, who was sitting in front of a pretty girl and then smiled at you guys before focusing back on the girl in front of him; she seemed to pay no attention on everyone but him.
“Why. Are. You. Letting. This. Happen.”, she hits your arm in between each word.
You smile at her sadly, you had already accepted this situation but it still felt like salt being rubbed into a wound you didn’t even know was still open. “Just because I like him, doesn’t mean I’ll stop him from finding someone he likes.”, you shrug once again and stab the fork into your steak. “We’re arranged, Haname, I can’t force him to like me romantically.”
She looks at you as if you had gone insane: “And you think that makes it ok for him to see other girls without your permission?”
You chuckle coldy at her: “No, that's where you’re wrong.”, you take a bite of the steak and swallow it down, the same way you’re swallowing down all of your feelings regarding this situation, “He did ask for permission and I gave it to him.”
She shakes her head at you: “You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Thanks, I know.”
“Don’t you think it’s unfair to the girls to be dating someone who is already promised to someone else?”, she scowls at you and you can’t help but feel offended.
“Don’t you think I don’t know that?”, you scoff at her and can’t believe she’s trying to make you the bad guy in this situation. “I already told him, he’s just going to break their hearts and if he wants to relieve some steam he should be upfront about it.”
She looked relieved: “Good. What happened then?”
“Nothing - he just said to let that be his worry.”, you sigh, “anyways, can we drop this, I don’t like talking about it.”
She looks at you sheepishly and considers her next few words as if she was talking to a scared child: “Y’know, if you’d just tell him how you feel, you could save yourself the pain.”
“And give myself the pain of embarrassment?”, you chuckle, “or of rejection? Besides, I don't want him to treat me like a fragile little thing just because my heart beats a little faster whenever I see him.”, god you really didn’t want to talk about this topic anymore - it makes the formerly delicious steak taste horrible and makes you want to throw it up at the next chance you get.
“Baby, your heart beating a little faster whenever you see him is an understatement - your eyes practically search for him whenever he isn’t there and when he is? Full of hearts.”, she raises her eyebrows as if trying to make her point come across clearer, “not to mention, whether you like it or not, you basically crumble at his attention, girl- you’re completely whipped.”
“No way.”, you look at her as if she’s the insane one now. “I do not!”, the urge within you to throw a fry at her grows stronger.
She laughs and makes weird googly eyes at you while saying: “See, this is how you look like.”
You shake your head and laugh - you'll get over him, you’re sure of that and give the two of them one last quick glance before you shove down any type of remaining angst deep into your chamber of unresolved issues.
It seemed like you couldn’t be any more wrong, though because whenever he gives you his boyish smile your legs still feel like pudding or when he wraps his arms around you, you can’t help but lean in a little closer - as Haname said, you were whipped, it doesn’t matter how much you deny it.
Although the next time you’re faced with his charming smile you’re almost about to throw up.
“I really do like her, y/n”, he smiles.
Please shut up, you almost wince out, but you can’t, you can’t let him see what you’re feeling, not when he was finally genuinely happy after Geto left. It pained you to know there would always be someone else behind the reason for his smile and never you. You could laugh and joke around with him but you’d never be the one holding his heart and you wished you could more than anything else in the world but you’d rather kiss a curse than ever openly admit it to him.
When you finally break out of your thoughts you notice Satoru is staring at you nervously, as if he was waiting for a reply and you try to gulp down any sort of distress you were feeling; he didn’t sign up for a girl unable to handle her feelings for him.
You try to smile sheepishly at him but your voice still comes out shakier than you had planned: “I’m sorry, ‘Toru, I wasn’t listening.”
He ‘tsked’ and poked your cheek: “What’s gotten your pretty little head so deep in thought that you can’t focus on this dashing young man in front of you.”
“It’s nothing”, you breathe out and he looks at you in disbelief and you reassure him again “It’s really nothing,”, you give him a pointed look, “just got my head in the clouds, I’m fine”, it seems like you try to reassure yourself more than him.
He still gives you the same look but then shrugs it off: “No pressure, if you don’t want to tell me. I was asking if it was fine to ask her out to be my girlfriend.”
Absolutely nothing could have prepared you for this, if you felt like he had punched you in the guts before, this time it felt like he threw an entire planet at your gut - you really were going to puke now.
“I- Satoru..”, you didn’t know what to focus on, your vision started to get blurry, you really were about to fucking crack and you wish you could erase your feelings when you can make out his worried expression - you felt guilty, horrible and most of all you yearned, you yearned for him and it’s slowly killing you as if you were an animal at the butcher’s house slowly bleeding out, simply because you know, this will always be one-sided affection.
He grabs your shoulders and he almost violently shakes you and you finally get a hold of reality, Satoru is in front of you and you’re probably terrifying him with your weird behavior.
Your voice cracks: “I’m sorry, Satoru,” you felt incredibly selfish but on one hand you knew this would be the right decision, “I can’t agree with that.”
He looks at you, startled for a second and then he realizes what you’re saying; his expression quickly goes from confusion to anger. “Why?”
“Look-“
“What, y/n? Can’t handle me being happy?”, he let’s go of your arms, his jaw is tense and his once blue yet warm eyes felt like nothing but an eerie ice cold lake.
You wince, you can’t handle him being angry at you, especially when it’s rightfully placed anger - you felt terrible. “We are arranged to get married, Satoru.”, you look at him, you were truly sorry and incredibly selfish, so fucking selfish.
“So what? Does that mean I have to deprive myself of love completely, y/n? Am I unable to love anyone that isn’t you?”, his voice is getting louder and you have to hold back a whimper - your tears that already risked coming out were now falling continuously.
“Don’t you think it’s unfair?”, you finally manage to get out, your voice was as unsteady as you felt - god you wish you hadn’t agreed to this in the first place. “I’m sorry, Satoru, I really am.”, you try to grasp his hands but he shakes them off and you have to gulp down the aching pain of betrayal in your chest, “but don’t you think it’s unfair to the girl, to hope on a love, knowing you’re promised to another?”, you tried to maintain a pretext of reasoning, of sense, but deep down - in the deepest parts of your heart - you knew it was because you couldn’t handle seeing him with someone else, not with the knowledge that she’s his girlfriend.
He scoffs at you in disbelief: “Cut the bullshit, you wouldn’t care less about a stranger, it’s about the fucking family image, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not-“
“Fucking save it.”, he interrupts you and you had never - not even in your arguments before - heard Satoru speak with such disgust directed towards you and he walks away.
You felt absolutely utterly terrible and finally let out the sobs you’ve been holding in - this is all your fault, you whimper to yourself. You were a hypocrite - telling him to go out with someone but the moment it gets actually real you deprive him of exactly that.
You stay at the place for probably several hours - you didn’t really count - but you stay there until your breathing finally evens and you’re able to go a few minutes without crying; you had cried your soul out that night until you were only left with the biggest headache and a void inside of you, you knew were unable to ever fill again.
Slowly you get up, your legs felt weak after sitting for so long but you had to get a grip, you had to at least go back to your room.
Just why did you have to open your mouth and ruin all the good stuff happening between the two of you, you felt terrible your own pain colliding with the guilt of your intertwined fate; two forces clashing into one another creating a cataclysm in your very own mind. You wanted to curse at everyone, hate everyone for putting you in this position: entrapped in freedom - you were kindly speaking a mess.
The room was silent - only your irregular breathing was audible, which was quite contrary to your very loud mind. You wanted to apologize, take everything back, undo what you did but sooner or later this would’ve happened anyways. Imagine explaining to your girlfriend you had your own engagement party to attend, at least that’s what the logical side of your brain told you - your heart was wondering how long you would’ve been able to bear seeing Satoru love someone else.
It was all pointless now; the pure anger - almost seething hatred - in his eyes was enough to tell you he would never feel the same, the two of you will probably never even be on good terms again after this.
To your own disappointment your premonition had been right: when you showed up to class the very next day he had sat himself as far away from you as possible and didn’t even bother to look at you. When you try to reach him when the class is over he was already away from the entire campus.
“You look like a truck ran you over. Twice.”, she states, visibly concerned.
“Thanks.”, you reply sarcastically.
She steps closer towards you and wraps her arm around yours: “Wanna talk?”
“No, thanks.”, you shake your head, “I’ll talk it out with him first, when we’re both more collected.”
“I don’t know, babe. It seems bad, maybe waiting is the wrong solution.”, she raises her eyebrows contemplating, “I mean, you guys, no matter how bad, have never sat apart.”
You tense up even more than before: “I know.”
Several days pass after that, you had finally started to collect yourself; instead a comforting void in the former emotional chaos had ignited in you and you figured you were finally calm enough to reach out to Satoru and talk to him.
Just when he’d sit down in his seat you take up the spot next to him and the teacher immediately enters the classroom, although he doesn’t acknowledge your presence and immediately turns towards the blackboard you were determined - you needed to sort this out now or never.
“Satoru”, you whisper.
No response.
“Pss, Satoru.”
He gives you a side glance but turns back around.
“Satoru”, you stand up and the attention of the entire class is on you.
Now he genuinely looks at you - albeit he’s probably wondering if you had finally gone insane but you didn’t care.
You take out your hand and wait for him to take it so you can lead him outside. The teacher demands an explanation but he only gets a simple ‘sorry’ from you before you focus back on him.
“Please.”, you whisper, you felt desperate to fix this, you wanted everything to go back to normal so bad, even if that meant having to let him go to another woman.
He sighs and reluctantly gets up: “Excuse us, teach, we’ll be back before you know it.”, he doesn’t take your hand and walks out of the room, you awkwardly let your hand fall down and follow him. Impatiently he’s tapping his foot and almost looks like he could rip open your skull, you gulp - maybe he hasn’t cooled down yet.
You hadn‘t noticed before, probably because Satoru was never the one to actually get mad at you but right now - he was more intimidating than any curse you‘ve ever met and you felt like a defenseless little child standing in front of him, he towered over you, like always but the cold anger in his eyes made you feel so small, in a way you never felt before.
A part of you wanted to run away - let everything stay the same, ignore the storm but a bigger part inside of you knew, if you didn‘t speak up now the storm would never vanish and you’d be trapped in its chaos for eternity.
You take a deep breath and sigh: “I’m sorry, Satoru.”
“For what?”
It takes a few seconds to sort your thoughts - what were you sorry for? Him? Or yourself?
“For everything.”, you breathe out, “reacting the way I did, but also for agreeing to let you see her in the first place.”
He raises an eyebrow - he looks angrier than before and he immediately opens his mouth, probably to curse you out, but you hush him and plead with him to let you finish first.
“Look, it’s not because you’re seeing her or because I have feelings for you, it’s just-“, you bite your lip in frustration, “that relationship is going to be doomed from the start. Yes you’d be just boyfriend and girlfriend now but in a few years? How would you tell her that you can’t go any deeper because you’re already promised to someone else? It’s unfair and absolutely selfish to do that to her.”
“You have feelings for me?”, he repeated in confirmation, it seems like he still hasn’t processed your revelation.
Your eyes widen in surprise and for a second you almost curse yourself for letting it slip: “I thought you knew.”
He shakes his head and you’re ready to throw yourself out of any skyscraper; you briefly close your eyes and calm yourself down - it’s okay, so what if he knows, you try to reassure yourself.
For a second he seemed to have calmed down before the anger seemed to consume his facial features once again: “Why don’t you just say you can’t handle seeing me with someone else because you have feelings for me? Why make up all these other excuses?”
“Because it’s not-“
“Don't fool yourself, y/n. That’s exactly why.”
You grow more and more frustrated, yes you had feelings for him, but it also seemed like you were the only one rational enough to realize just how doomed his little “relationship” is, despite your feelings for him.
“No, Satoru. I’d never prioritize my dumb little feelings over your happiness because I have feelings for you.”
He chuckles sarcastically: ”Yeah, right. Then why don’t you just let me be happy for now. Before I’m chained down to you.”, you felt like puking, does he even realize how much his words hurt? “See, in the end, you will end up with me by your side anyways, I can’t escape it, let me enjoy being with someone I like.”
Right now it feels like he’s stabbing you with a knife over and over and you can’t help but think - he’s doing this on purpose. Be it out of anger or frustration or whatever else it may be, he wanted you to feel pain, that was his goal and god you wish you didn’t care for this bastard but you did and that would be your most likely downfall.
“You’re being a complete asshole right now.”, you say, your voice filled with exhaustion - you didn’t want to argue anymore nor care for him nor actually have anything to do with him, “look, I am sorry for going on about it like this and for hurting your feelings in the process, believe me, but I don’t think I deserve to be treated like this either.”, you shake your head, you hoped he’d finally understand where you’re coming from.
“Awww,” he coos exaggeratedly, “did I hurt your feelings?”, you scoff, how did you even like this man in the first place.
“Thanks for letting me know where I stand.”, you smile coldly, visibly uncomfortable, “I’ll kindly step out of your way now.”, you were done with this situation, you had spoken your mind and apologized but if he didn’t wish to fix things, you wouldn’t either.
The storm between the both of you had stilled, you went radio silent with one another, aside from the occasional mission you had together, in which you’d also just exchange the most basic necessities or the occasional family meetings where you two would go back to pretending you’re deeply infatuated with one another. It was complete radio silence between you guys - you weren’t gonna lie; you missed the playful banter, you missed him, but it wasn’t worth being hurt over and over.
Soon your second year passed and you had even reached the end of your third year; the elders had announced your engagement party - the skyscraper sounding once again as tempting as the waffles in front of you. Your mother, Satoru’s mother and you had gone out to buy an engagement dress and accessories for you and they really didn’t hold back.
They chose a beautiful white long backless dress ornamented with various pearls on the neckline and back, the sleeves were covered in lace and it was absolutely stunning, you had bought matching white high heels and got yourself french nails.
You knew this engagement party would be extravagant and the wedding would top that by at least 20 times but looking at the location you were absolutely stunned, it was beautiful and straight out of a fairy tale; the tables were decorated with white and lilac flower everywhere fairy lights were strung up, even a photo venue and the symbol of both of your clans were stitched into handkerchiefs meant as gifts for the guests - your moms had gone out of the way for this.
There’s a bittersweet taste in your mouth upon looking at the venue - it was beautiful but you wish you also had a just as beautiful bond to your soon to be fiancé. You sigh to yourself and thank the both of them for all their work before you take off to get your hair and make up done for the evening and get dressed.
When it’s 8pm Satoru rings the doorbell to pick you up; you give yourself one last look in the mirror to check if everything is alright then grab your purse and open the door hastily.
His eyes trail up and down your body - you thought you looked good but now you weren’t so sure anymore, not when you’re met with him in a dashing black suit that made him look absolutely handsome, for a second you wondered if you looked good enough for him and you had to refrain yourself. After all this time there’s a small part within you that still cares- longs for him - that always wants to know what he thinks of you and you doubt you’ll ever stop caring for him like that.
You try to refrain from nervously biting your lips, you want to ask him ‘how do I look?’ but the fear of rejection, of being hurt, stops you from asking exactly that, instead you simply nod at him as a form of greeting and close the door behind you.
You shakily whisper: “Let’s go.”, you didn’t even bother looking at him and simply made your way towards the car and stepped inside, not waiting for him.
The car ride is silent, which is a huge contrast to the booming cluster of conversations inside the engagement location. When you two enter side by side, Satoru uncomfortably close to you, his hand at your lower back, the guests are silent for a second before everyone cheers loudly and you smile at everyone gracefully - maybe if you acted good enough you might actually start feeling that way.
“Y/n, Satoru, come, let‘s take pictures!“, your mother grabs the both of you and drags you to the photo venue; she was brimming with excitement and you smile to yourself - at least her happiness is worth the sorrow.
She forces the two of you into several poses, Satoru looks visibly annoyed and you have to pinch his side; you give him a pointed look and try to get rid of that scowl on his face. How would this seem authentic if he‘s frowning in all of the pictures that are probably going to be hung up everywhere in both of your houses. He briefly looks at you before he shakes his head and seems to put himself together and a smile reappears on his face and your breath stills - his smile is fake but nonetheless his beauty couldn‘t be any more real.
Suddenly Satoru‘s mother pops between you guys and scolds the both of you: “How can we have engagement pictures when there’s at least 5 inches of space between you?”, she pushes you closer to each other to the point your shoulder hits his chest and you do your best to not take a step back away from him.
“Come on, guys!”, your mother yells, visibly annoyed at the lack of romantic affection between you, “a kiss or two hasn’t hurt anyone.”, ��yet’ you add mentally and groan.
“Come on, mom. It’s embarrassing.”, you grumbled and give desperate look at Satoru who had a tinge of amusement glinting in his eyes, “we don’t do PDA.”
“It’s your engagement!”, she sighs and gives you a pleading look and you breathe out in defeat.
You feel Satoru’s chest rumble in your back and he chuckles deeply: “Well, let’s give our dear mothers what they want, don’t we?”
You almost do a double take - Who are you and what have you done to Gojo Satoru? Before he wouldn’t even look at you and now he’s willing to kiss you? It felt so surreal to the point you don’t even realize that you guys had been facing one another and Satoru was waiting for your response.
The nod you give him is so subtle, you aren’t even sure he saw it until he starts to lean in and you are absolutely sure you are going to freak out. The huge space in this hall suddenly wasn’t enough, your breathing was starting to become uneven and you wanted to push him away, you needed the distance and yet your body was acting completely different. It was leaning closer towards him until your lips finally meet one another.
Kissing Gojo Satoru was one of the last things you expected to do tonight but here you were. His hands softly grab your face and you lean in even closer into him. Despite his soft hands there was a certain rough touch into the kiss - it’s like he put in all of his anger, hatred for and at you in it and it was addicting to say the least. A bridge inside you broke and you were falling deep into the river and drowning in your feelings and yearning.
When you two finally part it feels like mere seconds passed but your heavy breathing suggests otherwise. The two of you just keep staring at one another, you feared that if you broke the eye contact everything would go back to the way it was before, so you remain silent; the warm tone of the fairy lights being the only thing surrounding you.
Faint laughter seems to finally break the bubble you have created and you step back in shock; the realization of what just happened finally dawned on you.
“Excuse me.”, you push yourself away from him and step out of the venue; you needed to collect yourself and you can’t do that with Satoru around.
The cold air hits your burning cheeks and you finally seem to calm down now the only thing filling your head was confusion - Satoru confused you. He went from hating you to radio silence to kissing you; yes, it was because you guys were urged to do so but he could’ve also simply rejected them. You close your eyes for a brief second and sigh to yourself - men. There was no point in dwelling and overthinking this in a few minutes he’ll either go back to ignoring you or being an asshole.
A jacket suddenly appears on top of your shoulder and you flinch back in surprise.
“It’s cold.”
“Thanks.”, you smile at Satoru and wrap his jacket even tighter around you.
He smiles back and you have to wonder just why he is out here with you, when he could be enjoying a glass of wine inside.
As if Satoru could read your mind he chuckles and runs a hand through his hair: “I know we haven’t been on the greatest terms the past few years.”
“You don’t say.”, you reply sarcastically and he rolls his eyes in response.
“It’s just, I’m a fool, y/n. Unsure of what he wants and feels and I’m sorry for dragging you down into my pile of bullshit.”, you didn’t know what to say, how to go about this - this pulling and dragging between the both of you, you were tired of it.
“You might be unsure of what you feel, Satoru, but for someone who claims to hate me he sure was into the kiss.”, you point out as a matter of fact, you two kissed each other in there like you both had been each other's lifeline.
He chuckles: “Yeah, I might feel a little more than just hatred for you.”
“A little?”, you frown.
“More than a little.”, he grins, “but I can’t believe you haven't moved on already.”
You scoff and he looks at you so sure of himself and you can’t help but shake your head while laughing.
He stares at you and you awkwardly stop laughing: “What?”
He looked sorry: “How can I make it up to you?”
“How about you start with kissing me and we’ll figure out the rest.”, you grin at him and once again you’re ready to open your heart to the man in front of you.
“I can work with that.”, he grins before grabbing you by the arms and pulling you closer towards him, your lips colliding - you could get used to this type of remedy.
214 notes · View notes
Text
Yandere Overlord | A Little Crush 
Tumblr media
“Oh, my–who is this?”
You had been allowed to sit in on the meeting with Ainz, reading his hidden plea that you actually help him understand some of this. Of course under the guise of learning the guardians pay no mind in fact their barely able to contain their excitement to see both you and Ainz.
“That is the insolent emperor of the Vassal country of Baharuth Empire–”
Albedo continued to spew insults but you couldn’t help the heat that spread all over when you looked at his purple-pink irises. You put the picture down before your typical smile could change too much instead using your abilities to inform, Ainz as you promised.
‘Scared him into submission? I don’t remember doing anything but making peace before…’
‘Demiurge is specifically thinking about your appearance at the match…apparently, he was trying to meet with the Slane theocracy but your showing up immediately scared him into submission. Wow! Good job, Ainz!’
‘No good job! I didn’t even know that was happening!”
‘Sure. Sure.’
The meeting continued, which ensured a constant struggle as you tried not to look at the image they had crafted. When it ended you fought with yourself not to take the image instead opting to use your power to photocopy the image onto paper later…or maybe a body pillow.
“Jircniv huh? What a cutie!”
______________________________________________________________
You didn’t have Ainz’s emotional regulator…that much was clear. Yet in the beginning, your true emotions illuded the guardians of Nazarick. But after many months of observation and talking with you they picked up on the subtle signs. Like today the heat emanating from your body, the way you crossed your legs, the bite of your lip to restrict the larger smile–it was all too clear.
“FOR A CRETIN LIKE THAT NO LESS!?” Albedo smashed the table. 
Demiurge rose, fighting the urge to angrily thrash his tail about. 
“Calm yourself Albedo…this could just be mere interest. (Y/n)-sama has expressed a growing interest in politics…we shouldn’t be so quick to judge!”
“B-but they n-never looked at anyone else like that!” Mare spoke sharing worried eye contact with his sister who returned the favor.
“At this rate…they’ll like them more than us!”
A pregnant silence hung over the room; each of the floor guardians imagining horrifying images of you leaving them for a mere human. Some were of you on the emperor’s arm in wedding garments, others had you sharing a milkshake and feeding the emperor, and another had you promising to run away with the dreaded emperor. Fear and horror enveloped all in the room bringing them to their knees as they reeled in pain. Amidst this Cocyutus took a stand, prepared to bring these worries to light. 
“I say…we bring our concerns to Ainz-sama!”
“YES!” “Y-yeah!” “I agree.” 
______________________________________________________________
It doesn’t take long for Ainz to see this behavior himself. Hearing your telepathic giggles when you open the same page in the book you’ve been reading for a month is enough confirmation for him. And like always he is the one left to make the hard-hitting decision.
“AINZ-SAMA I suggest I personally help quell their sexual needs!”
“I’m more equipped to take care of them, ariska. ”
“Are you kidding, Mare and me cuddle with them all the time! Maybe you should make them do more with us!”
“Y-yeah!” 
“Perhaps they simply wish to explore its healthy for youngins to—”
“Shut up Cocuyutus!” “Grrrr!” “Quiet Cocyutus, ariska!” 
And while he agrees you’re boredom is probably a good indicator it’s also because you’re you. He’s sure if he knew you in his old world or even in his guild this would have been normal. As your technical guardian, he shouldn’t really interfere…but even he can’t help but be annoyed with the telepathic squeals you keep making. So maybe on a whim, he’ll make a judgment call. 
“A trip to the Vassal state?”
“Yes, it's important that you publicly integrate yourself with the Sorcerer Kingdom.”
‘Do you want to?’
“I’m especially grateful!! I’ll take my mission with pride!” 
‘Yes!!! Thanks, Ainz!’
Your telepathic voice warms his nonexistent heart and he sends you away with Aura and Mare. He hopes their presence will deter any acting out on the Emperor’s end and as a deterrent from you possibly…deepening relations. At the guardian's insistence, Ainz sets up a magic glass to watch you from. So with great anticipation, they all watch as you pull away in your carriage pulled by the undead as you make your way to the Baharath Empire. 
______________________________________________________________
“Oh, Aura Mare now that we’re practically here I’ve suddenly become so nervous!” 
You nervously mused playing with your headdress and veil resting on your lap. You could see through the carriage with your power easily; watching the people of the Baharuth Empire look on in astonishment. But your nervousness wasn’t about meeting people at least not entirely, you were going to meet the man who plagued your imagination with his face for the last month. 
“U-uhm (Y-Y/n)-sama why are y-you so nervous! You’re the most amazing Supreme being next to Ainz-sama s-so y-you should be c-confident.” 
Mare peeped out, blushing as he complimented you. You gave him a loving smile patting your gloved hand on the tip of his clenched fists causing him to release. 
“Thank you Mare, for reminding me! It’s just I’m more nervous about meeting one particular person.”
“Oh? Who is this particular person? Have they done something that we should punish them for?”
Aura probed leaning close to you as if on the verge of discovery. While Aura understood good and well that the Emperor was the cause of this she couldn’t place how; or why the guardians were so averse to it. She guessed it was similar to the way Albedo felt about Ainz but you didn’t do anything as she does so she was stumped…how could a weak human have anything against a Supreme Being like you?
You giggled, “Oh Aura, you’re so cute! I’ll tell you when you’re older!”
She blushed at your statement hiding her face against the corner of the carriage as she mulled against her shaken resolve. She just couldn’t help but crumble when your attention was solely focused on her like that. In a way, she related to big sis Albedo a bit. 
With your Sorcerer headdress resembling Ainz and a dark veil covering your face you stepped out of your carriage with Yuri lending you a hand out of the carriage with a bow of respect. 
“Presenting (Y/n)-sama, the flower of the Sorcer Kingdom!” 
The people guffawed as you traveled up the stairs of the Emperor’s palace, many whispering words of awe as you made your way up the steps. Thankfully the people were so focused on you that they failed to notice the twins who so easily killed a great mass of people before their vassal status. 
The guide into the palace was one of his personal guard, fighting the tremble in his voice as he recognized Aura and Mare. Passing by various staff and soldiers you drew their attention easily many dropping weapons or papers as they watched you for as long as they would be let. Past a set of golden double doors you finally laid eyes upon the deeply bowing emperor. 
“Jircniv Rune Farlord El-Nix, at your service.”
It was a demeaning bow for someone called the “bloody emperor” and you couldn’t help feeling pity. Already knowing what you wished Yuri cleared her throat and demanded that his personal guard and any remaining staff clear the room. She even sent a look towards the twins who pouted until you turn to them with a pleading tilt of your head. Sulking they excused themselves finally leaving you and Jircniv, with the exception of Yuri, all alone.
Worldlessly she bowed towards you once more before raising your veil, you smile when shock overtakes his face. 
“Its a pleasure to meet you Jircniv! I hope you can show me the best Baharuth Empire has to offer.”
“Of course my liege!” 
______________________________________________________________
When Jircniv had been informed of a visit from Nazarick he near crapped himself in fear that it be in reprimand to his attempt to betray...but when he heard that the “Flower of Nazarick”was in attendance he relaxed…a little. This probably was the final nail in the coffin for him, pulling at his hair and cursing his hubris he ordered the best for your arrival. Even as you arrived with those dreaded dark elves as guards he was sure you would be the one to rip out his heart. 
To that, he was right. The lifting of your veil was the fist, tightly grasping his heart as it slowly revealed your face to him. The pulling was the ethereal gleam of your smile and voice. In complete juxtaposition from Ainz Ooal Gown you glowed with a heartwrenching presence that had him practically becoming a puddle on the floor. If he were a lesser man he would have been far to floored to look away to bow even harder than before but he was an emperor for blood’s sake.
Immediately he rearranged the whole plan for the day, changing seating arrangements that would have put space between you two to eliminating them entirely. Offering his hand to you when there was so much of a change in tiles. Even when maid with the gauntlets threatened to kill him for overstepping he remained steadfeast. All his fear had dissipated the moment you revealed your face, he wondered if it was some sort of sorcery that made him so infatuated. If it was, he doubted he’d ever wanted it removed. Even when your veil dropped over your face again and he felt misery take hold of his being once more–he still didn’t want to be relieved of this joy. Watching you feast on the various delicacies as they disappeared behind your veil overtook him with a feeling of pride.
Hearing the relayed words of joy as you experienced the different activities and festivals he had prepared in your honor. Had him swooning all the more, completely nulling the deathly glares from the elves that had so easily lay waste to his army.
“Ahem (Y/n)-sama would like to thank you for the griffin egg, tch, they say they will be thinking of you when they raise it.”
“I’m honored, my highness!”
Hardly able to hold back his tears when you must retire he takes a bold step that leaves all your guardians itching to pulverize him. A kiss against your gloved hand before you dismiss yourself for the night is all it is. 
“Good night, oh luscious flower of Nazarick! I’ll be counting the seconds until I may see you again!”
In the comfort of your room with Aura and Mare sitting on the grand bed you received they watch as you float about as you scream into the various pillows.
“Keeee he actually said that to me! OhmigoshOhmigoshOhmigosh! Can you believe he said that to me!? Hehehe!”
So enveloped in your joy you fail to register the dark shadows that have cast over Aura’s and Mare’s faces. 
“Yeah…it sure is great…”
“Isn’t it? Who’d think he’d be so sweet! Especially on the first day, too! Weeee, its just like those romance fanfics–”
“U-uhm (Y/n)-sama? C-can y-you tell me how g-good I was today!? I followed Ainz-sama’s and your orders and I didn’t hurt any humans!
Mare’s outburst had Aura incredulously looking at her twin. Especially because she knew well and good how many times her twin opened the ground to swallow the humans following after your entourage. But she watched as your floated back down to the bed pulling Mare into your chest as you pet his head, she hurriedly crawled to your other side.
“M-me too! Do me too (Y/n)-sama!” 
“Okay okay you two get over here!” 
Miles away in the safety of Nazarick the other guardians watched as the glass ball they had been watching from received a crack. 
They weren’t the only ones who were regretting letting you leave.
On a completely personal level...
This man just sends me...
I wanna bite so bad I don't know why! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
523 notes · View notes
simpcityy · 10 months ago
Text
My Little Spawn Pt.6 (Dadstarion X Child!Reader)
Tumblr media
Summary: Astarion was finally free from Cazador after being kidnapped by a mindflayer but he was stuck with one annoying task, you.
Disclaimer: I do not own Baldur's Gate 3 or any of its characters.
Word Count: 960
Warnings: Use of (Y/N), Cazador, language, violence, spoilers for those who haven't gone far in the game, mentions of blood, animal death...Uhhh...I think that is all. MAJOR SPOILERS IF YOU AREN'T IN ACT 2 YET.
Author Notes: Hello everyone, another short chapter for this week but next week I am going to focus on the new story I want to publish soon while. Thank you so much for the support! I should be updating the master list with all the links of each chapter. Remember to Reblog and like if you enjoy this series.
You looked at Astarion as the group was having a meeting of what they have done so far. “So we slayed an old hag, killed a Gur, defeated some Gnolls, met a devil and killed other creatures we came across and you still want us to rescue this Halsin guy?” He complained, crossing his arms. “He can be our ticket to curing this tadpole.” Tav stubbornly kept the same plan, recusing Halsin. You tugged at his arm “ Astarion, if we save the mister, we won’t have that yucky worm.” You tried to cheer him up. “See, that’s the spirit little soldier!” Kalarch smiles, “You should listen to them Fangs.”  Astarion only mutters looking down at you before picking you up “ I guess you are right but I won’t be happy if this Halsin can’t do anything. Just wasted time is all. We could’ve been in Baldur’s Gate by now.” He walks off to his tent with you in his arms. 
  How Astarion hated that he was right, after a long brutal battle, Halsin wasn’t any help. He stood at his tent sipping the cheap and awful wine. He wasn’t even in the mood for a celebration. He scanned the camp seeing the tieflings and his odd companions celebrating for taking down the leaders. He turns his head hearing your giggles as Scratch is chasing you around. He turns over to Tav as they walk over. He smirks and puts on an act “You know, I never picture myself as a hero.”
You were by the lake looking out to the moon. Scratch was long gone resting after playing with you. You boredly threw rocks into the lake before looking over hearing something shuffle in the bushes. You walked off into the woods that surround the campsite. There is a sweet scent in the air and you wanted to find out what it is. Getting closer and closer to the sweet smell before a gloved hand grabbed you from behind. Your tadpole was squirming. “Let me go! Astarion” You yelled before the headache got worse before going to a deep sleep. Someone else has had a wiggly worm like yours and made you go into a deep sleep. 
The following morning, Astarion walked back to camp watching Tav head back to their own tent because anyone else wakes up. He walked into his but stopped seeing it empty “Oh Little spawn, where are you?” He hums “Having a sleepover without telling me?” He hums to himself and lays down on the bedroll. He pulls back out the book and continues reading till everyone else wakes up.A couple minutes passed and he heard the shuffling of everyone stirring away. He lets out a chuckle knowing some of them might be hungover. He gets himself changed and walks out seeing everyone but he keeps looking for his little spawn. “Have you seen (Y/N)?” He walks over to the Wizard. Gale looks up “No…last time I saw them was last night playing with Scratch.” He looks around “Maybe she stayed with Shadowheart?” He goes back to cooking breakfast. The pale elf walks over to the Cleric. “No, I haven’t seen her since last night.” Shadowheart says “but maybe that gith might know” She was already pointing fingers. Astarion was slowly panicking, no one knows where the hells you were. He quickly downs a potion of animal speaking and walks over to Scratch. “Where is (Y/N)?” He stood in front of the dog. Scratch tilts his head “(Y/N) was last seen by the lake before I went off to rest?” He begins to sniff the ground and runs into the woods. Astarion follows quickly, and looks around seeing your small footsteps along with larger ones. “No….” He whispers. Scratch barks looking up at him “The scent goes through this path.” He walks off sniffing the ground. Astarion only stood still, his mind wondering who took you. Was there a goblin that they didn’t kill, did another Gur hunter found you? He was brought back down to earth hearing someone calling his name. “Astarion what’s the matter.” Tav walks over with the rest of the group. “(Y/N)...they…they were taken…” He whispers before stabbing his dagger to the tree frowning. “ This…this..is all your fault.” He looks at tav refusing to believe it was his own fault. Pulling back the dagger, he walks off following Scratch who was on your trail. Everyone else watching him walk off, seeing how a few days together alone, you have impacted greatly on his life. 
You were placed in a dark jail cell, the trip was a long one. When you woke up, all you could do was wail and hug yourself. “I wanna go home!” You cried. You quickly kept quiet as the big door opens and hear heavy footsteps. “What’s this general?” You only push yourself closer to the corner scared. “ My soldiers told me about this young one with a tadpole. I had to see myself.” You look over whimpering and flinch as the door to your cell opens. “So young and tell me why are they here? When this isn’t part of our plan Ketheric.” Ketheric looks over “ Someone did some digging into her tadpole, they aren’t just a human child with a tadpole but a dhampir Gortash.” This puts a smile on Gortash's face, “Such a beautiful creature” He looks down at you. “Bring them with you to the city when your part of the plan is done…we can use them as part of our plan.” He added before walking off. Both men walk off locking the cell once again. You only whimper crying out softly “I wanna go home” You whisper “Astarion” You cried out in the empty cell.
131 notes · View notes
yatagarasuhonyaku · 1 month ago
Text
The Raven of the Empty Coffin: Chapter 2 "Akeru" Part 3
Tumblr media
Disclaimer: This is a fan-translation japanese-english of the original novel. The events of this novel follow after what's already covered by the anime. For an easier understanding, I recommend first reading the few scenes of previous books I've already translated.
Blog version
For the Index, you can find it HERE
Previously: Akeru (Part 2)
⊛     ⊛      ⊛
Chapter 2: Akeru (Part 3)
“Isn’t Akeru kinda tense lately?”
It all happened during Horsemanship lessons. Shigemaru and Yukiya found themselves taking a break at a hilltop after finishing the assigned exercises, waiting for everyone else to catch up with them.
That day they were practicing what was called ‘rider-horse switching’. It was just one part of the training required to become capable of flying long distances without breaks and, as the name implied, it consisted of exchanging the roles between rider and horse in midair. At this point, they were only required to fly around the mountain once and then switch places, but Shigemaru had heard rumors that they would have to go all the way from the Center to Yamauchi’s frontier and back during their Graduation Trials.
Although, in theory, it was better to do such an exercise with someone of as similar a build as possible, Yukiya had proved to manage just fine even with Shigemaru as his partner.
“Still, it feels like you wouldn’t have any problems no matter who you partnered with.”
“Well, everyone becomes significantly bigger in bird form compared to their human form. I don’t think someone’s human build actually matters that much.”
“True, there are people way bigger and stronger than you in human form who are, in fact, struggling quite hard.”
“Oh, yes—like Akeru and his friends, right?”
While Akeru’s followers had never been particularly high achievers, even Akeru himself had started to flounder lately despite his initial brilliance. He had started to struggle to keep up as the difficulty of the practical courses ramped up—which was doubly true for Horsemanship, the one subject he had problems with from the start.
“Maybe that’s the reason,” Shigemaru said, bringing the conversation back to Akeru’s situation.
Yukiya gave him a bitter smile. “One of the reasons, most likely, but I doubt that’s all of it.”
The situation was changing even during theory, where Akeru had never before given up his position as the first of the class. “Well, you barely have a chance to study lately yet your grades are still virtually the same as his, I can’t blame Akeru for getting anxious over that.”
——Ever since the incident with Kimichika, Suikan had kept a constant eye on Yukiya.
It had been a month since then, and summer had finally arrived. Suikan, however, showed no signs whatsoever of forgiving Yukiya. He persistently called him to participate during exercise sessions and would find any reason—no matter how small—to give him all kinds of punishments and take away all his free time. Every so often, Suikan would outright lash out at him—telling Yukiya to his face that he should drop out of the Monastery.
It had gotten bad enough that, whenever they gathered, everyone in their usual group would insist that Yukiya should go ask for help from other instructors like Seiken. Yukiya, however, didn’t show a single sign of suffering through anything.
He would argue back at them—‘It’s on me for angering him’, ‘I don’t like the idea of telling on someone’, ‘If my grades dropped because of it that would be a problem, sure, but that won’t happen’. Yukiya laughed it off every time, never paying any mind to their group’s advice.
However, Yukiya was, in truth, losing sleep to finish his homework and he was forced to take tests without any preparation either. Despite that, and uncannily enough, his grades weren’t going down—they were actually improving. They were comparable to Akeru’s, even. He had risen to be the first of the class, or second at worst.
Akeru, meanwhile, was often rumored to spend all his free time on self-study. Even an outsider like Shigemaru could tell how Akeru’s expression would grow stiffer and stiffer every time he learned of Yukiya’s latest score.
“He made such a big deal of being part of the Wakamiya Faction too. I bet the coronation being postponed must be playing a huge part in it. He must not have any peace of mind—neither at the Monastery, nor at home.”
“You know, I feel kind of sorry for him.”
“No need. His grades are just his talent—or lack thereof—talking, and he only has himself to blame for acting high and mighty and humiliating himself like that. There’s not much for us to do.” While Yukiya had proved to be the type to sometimes spew venom with a smile, it was significantly more common whenever Akeru came up in conversation. 
At the same time that he chatted with Yukiya, Shigemaru entertained himself by watching the other trainees fly around. The many pairs would ascend and, as if performing some sort of somersault, exchange places in a matter of seconds. Although they all lost quite a lot of height at first, the trainee who had just transformed into a bird would immediately place himself underneath and spread his wings, catching the wind. Just like that, they would both rise to their original altitude.
It was entertaining to watch such a stunt-like maneuver from afar, but actually doing it was quite terrifying. The person shifting from horse to human was forced to take a shape incapable of flight, wholly entrusting himself to his partner in midair. It wasn’t any easier for the person transforming into a horse—it felt like having a heavy rock on his back as he struggled to remain in the air instead of falling altogether.
Finishing the course with both members of a pair in bird form—hence incapable of becoming a rider and mount—meant disqualification. It truly wasn’t a maneuver you could succeed at without coordination and mutual trust between human and horse. That was exactly why Shigemaru felt it was easier to complete the exercise with someone close to you, rather than someone with a similar build.
As he thought about that, Shigemaru suddenly noticed a pair among their flying peers moving all too slowly. “Yukiya, look!”
Before Shigemaru had the time to point at it, Yukiya noticed it as well. “That looks actually dangerous. Is the rider perhaps tired? Unless they gain more altitude, at that rate—Huh?”
Yukiya didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. At that precise moment, the rider and mount tried to exchange places and, for a second, it was as if two horses were there at the same time. That was quite the rare sight when the swap went properly.
——He had a bad feeling about this.
The ideal was for both parties to shapeshift simultaneously—that was all too awkward and clunky to fit the criteria. Sure enough, they kept on falling inexorably, even once the initial horse moved upwards and transformed back into a human. The current horse proved incapable of catching the wind with his wings on time and his body plunged against the trees. 
“Someone has fallen!” the hysterical screams of those watching resounded in unison.
“This is bad! With a fall like that, he got hurt for sure!”
“Contact the infirmary!”
In a matter of seconds, a ruckus like bees protecting their hive overtook the place. The instructors flew straight towards the location of the fall. From the looks of it, the rider had managed to transform back at the very last second and so avoided major harm, but the horse hadn’t been as lucky. “But who fell?”
“Shige, that was Akeru.”
“What? Really!?”
“I’m sure. I saw the rider’s hair shine red just before they swapped.”
Shigemaru immediately felt ill at ease. For such a thing to happen right after their conversation. As they spoke, bird-shaped Yatagarasu flocked together above the place of the incident.
⊛     ⊛      ⊛
The moment he opened his eyes, he felt a dull pain throbbing through his entire body.
His mind was hazy, possibly because of the pain medicine, and his body felt as if it was burning. The sky, visible through the gaps in the infirmary's window shutters, had gotten completely dark. A doctor had checked up on him the first time he had woken up, so Akeru already knew what had happened to him.
There were scratches all over his body and he had some nasty bruises, but fortunately none of his wounds were of a life-threatening magnitude. However, as he had hit his head during the fall, the doctor had instructed him to remain in the infirmary for the day.
Akeru had a vivid memory of the moment he fell.
Of all people, his partner was Chihaya. After watching everyone during the marching drills, Akeru already knew he was the fastest flier among the Seeds, and yet Chihaya had been flying at an awfully low speed back when it all happened. Akeru had been convinced it was all Chihaya’s attempt at harassment, but Akeru couldn’t afford to waste time like that—he had to become the horse and catch up with the rest. Led by his growing panic, he started to transform before Chihaya was ready to do so, forcing him to go for a switch.
The sound of the wind raged against his ears.
And there, Chihaya. The expression on his face the moment he took human form.
——In the end, Akeru’s own transformation took too long.
A terrible blunder, one that would be a massive problem for his grades going forward. If things kept going like this, maybe Akeru wouldn’t even be able to become Wakamiya’s vassal. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go.
“Dammit……”
Where the hell did I go wrong? an overwhelmed Akeru wondered to himself.
“We have already informed everyone at the Western House.”
“I see…… Thank you for that.”
The next day, his two roommates came to visit. They had accompanied him to the Monastery and had once gone through great lengths to attend to Akeru’s every need, and yet they appeared unmistakably reluctant to come visit this time around. They both had the face of someone fulfilling the bare minimum of courtesies.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Nothing at all.”
They both remained aloof. Akeru could feel irritation expanding deep within his chest by the second. “...... You have been avoiding me lately. You know, if you have something to tell me, just say so.”
One of them abruptly raised his head. “Then, I’ll take my chance.”
“Hey, stop!”
“I’m not stopping! We are all thinking the same thing. So, I’ve heard about all this recently,” the boy said with a horribly contorted face. “Lord Akeru, you told us that you came here out of your own volition after receiving His Highness Wakamiya’s order to do so. But, apparently, you actually only served His Highness for one single day, am I wrong?”
Akeru was left at a loss. Why was that a problem now, after so long?
“Yeah, what about that?”
“I thought you coming to the Monastery was just in preparation to become His Highness’ vassal. You were truly brilliant at first,” he explained with an embittered look, “so we were almost fooled by that, but then—what did His Highness Wakamiya see in you, when you had barely spent a day with him and hadn’t even held a bamboo sword in your life at the time, to tell you to become a Yamauchi Guard?”
“Haven’t I told you again and again? The Yamauchi Guard is corrupt and I’m here to fix that. The Wakamiya Faction needs their own vanguard, and he chose me for that.”
“But if that’s the case, Yukiya of the Northern House is already there! He’s the most fit to obstruct the Animiya Faction. He’s the Great General’s grandson and the most talented in battle tactics among all our peers.”
To top it all off, Yukiya’s achievements included serving Wakamiya as his close aide for an entire year. If he got to graduate, there was no doubt he would become one of Wakamiya’s close vassals unless something radical happened.
“Command of the country’s warriors is the specialty of the Northern House to begin with. There was no need whatsoever for someone of the West of all houses to come to the Monastery. You were originally supposed to stay close to His Highness, right? As in, assuming His Highness expects Yukiya to fulfill his duty as a vassal by becoming a warrior, shouldn’t the same apply to you but by becoming a Court Official instead? And yet, you don’t even have an inkling of why you merely lasted one day as his attendant?”
“...... What are you trying to say?”
The rank of the Western House’s second son was, fundamentally speaking, one that shone first and foremost at the Court. What was the reason to even bother sending him to the Monastery despite that fact?
——The truth was that most nobles who went to the Unbending Reed Monastery were those whose families had forsaken them. Those too incompetent to get a job at the Court even through the On’i System.
“Wasn’t it simply that His Highness Wakamiya disliked you and used it as an excuse to get rid of you?” 
His roommate’s words left Akeru speechless. “We heard that you had His Highness’ trust, Lord Akeru. That’s why we went through the trouble of coming here with you instead of joining the Court as we had originally intended, but what’s the point if His Highness truly has forsaken you? You wasted our time and effort,” the boy spat out. “We shouldn’t have come to the damn Monastery in the first place.”
The other boy had so far restrained from talking altogether, unlike his fierce friend. Now, he shook his head with a sigh. “I don’t think it’s all your fault. However, the fact is that, as of now, the West-affiliated Court Ravens are increasingly disappointed in you.”
Akeru’s head failed to process it all. There was no way he could believe straight away that these two, those who had been closest to him, actually had such an image of him.
“We’re planning to voluntarily drop out.”
“What!?” Akeru rushed to ask—a hint of pleading snuck into his voice.
“Well, that’s the idea…… So, could you keep your distance from us?”
Akeru couldn’t think of a way to stop them. 
Just as his roommates were about to leave the room, however, Akeru caught sight of someone at the door. To make matters even worse, it turned out to be the last person he wanted to see in the current situation.
“Ah, did I come at a bad moment?”
The boy—Yukiya of the Northern House—tilted his head with a smile on his face.
“Ah, good to know it wasn’t too bad.” After watching Akeru’s roommates leave as if they were running away, Yukiya approached him with a shady-looking smile. 
“Why did you come here?”
“Is that how you greet people? And here I bothered to come deliver a present for the sick. Here, take it.” Yukiya handed him a package covered in wrapping paper. Inside, there were sugar-sprinkled kumquats.
“I don’t want them.”
“Oh, really? Now that’s a waste. Can I have them?” Yukiya didn’t even wait for Akeru’s answer. He immediately sat by the window and started to stuff his mouth with kumquats. For a while, the only sound breaking the silence of the room was his slow chewing.
Akeru had no words for Yukiya. He had this feeling—like he finally understood why Yukiya had given him the cold shoulder when Akeru first offered him his friendship as a fellow member of the Wakamiya Faction. Unlike Akeru, Yukiya had been serving by Wakamiya’s side for an entire year. He didn’t want to think about it, but if Wakamiya had truly sent him to the Monastery out of disgust, Yukiya was sure to know.
While a part of him wanted to know what Wakamiya had intended for him all along, another couldn’t even bear the idea of hearing the truth.
“...... If that’s everything, can’t you leave me alone?” he said in an admittedly dreadful tone—he was too scared of the truth coming out from Yukiya’s mouth. However, as blatant as Akeru’s jealousy turned out to be, Yukiya simply laughed it off.
“I have more to say, obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have come here at all,” he confirmed with a wholly impassive expression. “You see, if things keep going like this, you’ll end up leaving this place sooner or later.”
Akeru flew into a rage the moment he heard that. “It’s not that bad! My grades should still be better than yours if you put them all together!”
“Who’s talking about grades here? You truly don’t understand the position you’re in, huh?”
Yukiya’s demeanor got, all of a sudden, a lot colder. Akeru flinched. “What do you mean? The situation I’m in…”
“Think about it for a moment,” Yukiya said as he fiddled with a kumquat, “the trainees currently on the Monastery’s register are 44 Seeds, 21 Saplings and 14 Evergreens, a total of 78 students. Among those, only you and I were born with a social rank higher than fifth in our region. Furthermore, and this is including us, there are only six Court Ravens in the entire Monastery with the right to employ the On’i System. The vast majority of those are either Seeds or Saplings. Do you understand what that means?” Yukiya asked an astonished Akeru—it was as if he was testing him.
“That most trainees from the high nobility fail out before reaching their third year……?”
“Exactly.” While, at the moment, there were still Court Ravens among his peers, virtually everyone would be either from warrior clans or commoners once they became Evergreens. “There are others linked to the Four Houses, of course, but they aren’t necessarily nobility themselves. It’s obvious what will happen to you if you keep ridiculing Hill Ravens and paying your respects only to your fellow Court Ravens, isn’t it? With that attitude, you’ll just end up surrounded by enemies,” Yukiya explained with a bored expression.
“Besides, to form a West-affiliated faction to reform the Unbending Reed Monastery is, no matter how you put it, both impossible and pointless. Any issues with the Monastery’s policies are for people like the director or His Highness Wakamiya—those involved in the place’s administration—to fix. To ask a trainee to do so is just cruel and His Highness hasn’t ever expected anything like that from you.”
Akeru was appalled. “Then… there’s no reason for His Highness Wakamiya to have sent me to the Monastery, is there?”
——Were Wakamiya’s actions truly a mere attempt to get rid of him?
At the mere thought, Akeru felt all strength about to abandon his body. A moment promptly interrupted by something in his mouth—Yukiya had, all of sudden, rammed a kumquat in it.
“W-what are you doing!?”
Akeru almost choked on it, caught in a coughing fit as an unimpressed Yukiya gave him a bored look. “Oh, you see, I was just thinking about how some incredible idiots truly do exist. His Highness Wakamiya has such high hopes for you and yet you’re completely blind to it.”
“What?” Akeru raised his head, as if in search of an explanation. This time, Yukiya gave him a wry smile.
“I mean, he told you to come to the Monastery, didn’t he? So you could become his vassal in the future,” Yukiya explained as he rolled yet another kumquat on the palm of his hand. “It’s easy to tell why, looking at the guys from before. They didn’t say so per se, but the fact they spoke out like that is probably very much related to the delay of His Highness Wakamiya’s ascension to the throne. Those who only approach you seeking out family influence will change their tune over and over whenever it’s politically convenient. If you want to earn trustworthy allies, the last thing you want to rely on is status and influence. Let me tell you this much—you’re the very reason they ended up acting like that.”
Akeru stammered. He remembered how his followers—people he had genuinely thought of as allies—had blamed him and accused him of lying to them just moments ago. “...... I didn’t ever consider that.”
Embarrassed with himself, Akeru hung his head and, in answer to that, a hint of delight appeared in Yukiya’s voice.
“——Do you realize now? Think about it, what if you became His Highness’ vassal and still committed this kind of mistake?” Yukiya kept talking to the silent Akeru, admonishing him. “Remember, those you look down on as Hill Ravens are about 90% of Yamauchi’s population. Wakamiya is, in fact, very well aware of what kind of people are the majority in the country he rules over.”
The Unbending Reed Monastery was, in a sense, a reflection of Yamauchi itself. Slowly but surely, Akeru started to grasp the meaning behind Yukiya’s words. “So that’s why His Highness told me to come to the Monastery……”
To learn how to socialize with commoners ahead of time. All to stop Akeru from having an attitude unbefitting of one of the Golden Raven’s close vassals in the future.
“Wakamiya told you to come to the Monastery, but he didn’t say you had to become a Yamauchi Guard. He was trying to raise you. That’s the ultimate proof that his expectations weren’t placed on the Scion of the Western House, but on you yourself.” Then, Yukiya unexpectedly looked Akeru in the eyes. “But, what about you? What would you do if His Highness Wakamiya loses his status as Crown Prince? Would you remain by His Highness’ side if he isn’t your brother-in-law? If Lady Masuho no Susuki doesn’t ever enter the Harem?”
Akeru gulped in response to Yukiya’s harsh words. At that moment, what came rushing back to him was that first meeting with Wakamiya, before he even knew of his status, and how he had felt that day.
——The start of everything, a shared secret and a gentle smile under the sinking sun.
“I—” Akeru let out in a hoarse, shaky voice. He closed his mouth to try again with more success. His tone was a lot more firm. “I want to serve under His Highness Wakamiya himself. If he values me as me, then I believe I must respond with the same.”
“I see…… That’s a relief for me too to hear.” 
This time, Yukiya had a bright smile on his face. It didn’t feel shady at all, not anymore.
For the first time since they first met, Akeru genuinely saw in Yukiya a companion, a fellow follower of Wakamiya. He felt like he had at last fully grasped why Yukiya had most likely been chosen as a close aide—that great intelligence of his. Not the kind that makes you good at studying, but a different one altogether.
“You aren’t like me, Yukiya. You have gotten this far, all with the conviction to never rely on your house’s influence.”
That must be the very reason why he had gone through such efforts to get along with Shigemaru and the rest, or so Akeru thought. However, Yukiya laughed Akeru’s sentimentalism off.
“No way! It’s true that I felt like that once, but I don’t have the luxury to say so anymore. I plan to use anything and everything that’s at my disposal.”
Akeru blinked. “But, then, what’s the point?”
“Don’t misunderstand, Akeru.” All of a sudden, Yukiya’s eyes narrowed into slits. Akeru, who had tilted his head in question, watched him. “Power and authority are troublesome things, they can easily cause your downfall when not used correctly. On the other hand, they can also be your strongest trump card. So, what I’m trying to say is,” Yukiya said with a cold smile, “you must not mistake when and how to use them.”
——Akeru felt a sudden chill down his back.
Yukiya’s smile had transformed into something entirely different. His eyes were impenetrable, like those of a snake. What emotions hid within, Akeru couldn’t tell but, in a matter of seconds, a deep terror rose within him.
“What are—” Akeru swallowed.
—you scheming? he tried to ask, but before he could finish his question, a tanned face abruptly popped out through the window on Yukiya’s side.
“Are you all done with the difficult talk?”
Akeru almost jumped up from surprise, but his entire body howled in pain at the attempt. “Shigemaru! When did you arrive?”
“We came here together with Yukiya, to be honest, but it didn’t feel right to intrude given the mood so we hid here to wait instead. Here, a present,” Shigemaru bent himself through the window and dropped a basket full of plums on the floor.
“Oh, I actually love plums. Can I have one?” Yukiya asked nonchalantly.
Akeru was left in a state of complete confusion. What had that been a moment ago?
“You had quite the impressive fall, but you seem better than I thought you would be. How are you feeling?” Shigemaru asked him.
Akeru was incapable of answering at first. Ironically enough, he had the feeling that Shigemaru had just become the first person to show proper concern for him. It was both strangely moving and a source of sudden embarrassment at his own behavior so far.
“Your concern is much appreciated. I’m doing fine, but… ‘we’?” 
“Oh, yes! Actually, he has been way, way more worried about you than me.” Outside the window, Shigemaru vanished for a second. He proceeded to pick up the boy apparently sitting there by the scruff of his neck, effortlessly lifting him up to show Akeru.
A sour face appeared—‘I wasn’t that worried’ written all over it.
“Chihaya.” Akeru was so surprised he couldn’t say more.
Meanwhile, Chihaya seemed to be struggling just like him. He looked to be at a loss for quite a while, before finally letting out a mutter, “It wasn’t intentional.”
That’s all it took for Akeru to understand what was going on—to get an idea of what kind of rumors were spreading all over the Monastery at the moment. Everyone probably suspected that Chihaya had hurt Akeru intentionally. He originally served under Kimichika, whose harassment attempts towards Akeru had turned into a frequent occurrence as of late. Had he not been directly involved in the incident, Akeru would have probably believed the same.
“...... I know. It was my own fault I fell.”
He had seen Chihaya’s expression for a second there—he had been clearly frightened. It all, from his initial transformation to his fall, happened in an instant, but he had still felt how Chihaya had done everything in his power as the rider in an attempt to recover.
However, there was one thing he couldn’t understand about the incident, no matter how he thought about it...
“Hey, Chihaya. You should be able to fly a lot faster, right? Why were you going so awfully slow back then?”
Chihaya answered his question in a dispassionate tone, “You were struggling to keep your balance. I thought you would roll down from my back if I flew any faster than that.”
“——I see.” Akeru let out a big sigh. After straightening himself over the futon, he deeply bowed in Chihaya’s direction. “I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble. I’ll explain what happened to everyone else.”
“No…… There’s no need.” As scarce as Chihaya’s words were, they made Akeru’s chest feel so much lighter.
“Oooh! To see you apologize to a Hill Raven. You too have grown, huh?” Shigemaru’s amused admiration, on the other hand, gave Akeru all kinds of mixed feelings—something the former seemed to pick up on immediately.
“Look, Akeru.” Shigemaru’s expression changed ever so swiftly. “Just like you had your own reasons to come to the Monastery, we all also have ours. Nobody has the exact same circumstances, so it’s a given we all think differently.” 
Akeru meekly listened as Shigemaru spoke. “I think this place is amazing, you know. Where else can people from all corners of Yamauchi gather and share their views and opinions with each other? If we weren’t here at the Monastery, neither of us would have had the chance to speak to each other normally like this, right?”
“Yes, absolutely. You’re right……”
“We’ve been given such a rare chance, so think of it this way—it’ll be for your own sake to try to get along with others,” Shigemaru said with a laugh. “Breaks aside, we gather to study together almost every day in an empty room of the second building. Want to come along? Everyone will be happy to see you.”
At that moment, Akeru’s heart was terribly touched by Shigemaru’s carefree words.
By the time Akeru returned to his own room with the doctor’s permission, one of his two followers had already vanished. He hadn’t given it much thought before, back when they had that talk, but his grades had always been much worse than Akeru’s. Most likely, he had genuinely reached his limit, incapable of keeping up with life as a trainee any longer.
Akeru fretted about it for a while but, by the time night came, he had decided to head to the second building. Once actually there, it didn’t take him long at all to find the room where the study group was held—the sliding door wasn’t only open, but the voices coming from the room were exasperatingly loud.
“I can’t do this anymore! I don’t understand it at all.”
“Get your shit together! Now that glasses dude has found out about it, we can’t just go and copy Yukiya’s homework wholesale anymore!”
“Look, I’m telling you. As long as you memorize the warfare records1, it’s just a matter of applying it all afterwards,” Akeru heard a tired Yukiya say. An onslaught of angry yells followed right after.
“Like that’s easy, you freaking bastard!”
“There’s no way we can memorize those things just like that!”
“By the way—how did you even do it to begin with?”
“I just read it normally? That was it, really.”
“See, here it comes!”
“This is why I cannot stand quick learners!”
Warfare records were a register of what movements were executed by which pieces and when during a Board Drill for later examination, and, by the sound of it, they were trying to finish their Strategy homework. Akeru took a deep breath, steeling his resolve before finally standing by the door frame.
“For warfare records, you should first pin down the Officers’ moves. Infantry movement always uses them as the starting point.” The group, who had been about to collectively throw their textbooks out and get a swing at Yukiya, turned to look at Akeru. Their mouths were wide open.
“...... Akeru?”
“What are you doing here?”
Although both Shigemaru and Yukiya smirked at the scene, neither stepped out to support him. Alongside the wall was Chihaya too, quietly taking care of his own homework all by himself, but he didn’t even bother to glance at him.
Akeru lightly licked his lips, dry out of sheer nerves, and surveyed the faces of those inside before speaking, “I was wondering if, maybe, it would be possible for me to join the study group as well. I know it may sound wrong of me to say but, well, if it’s theory I should be able to help a little. Of course, that’s if you’re all fine with it……”
By the end, he was tapering off.
Akeru knew perfectly that his attitude so far had been anything but pleasant for the people gathered there. He cast his eyes downwards in fear of their reaction when, out of the blue, one of the boys lying on the floor jumped towards him and took him by the shoulders.
“Welcome, professor.”
“Eh?”
“We may actually be able to understand what you’re saying. At least, more than with that Yukiya bastard,” he ruthlessly added.
“Mean,” Yukiya murmured. He was the only one to protest.
“We can’t figure out any of it! At this rate, we’ll end up dropping out.”
“No matter how many times we listen to Yukiya’s explanations, none of them make any sense to us. You’re our last hope.”
Akeru’s eyes were left wide open—their reaction wasn’t anything like what he had expected. 
“...... You’ll forgive me?”
“Not like there’s anything to forgive.”
His fellow trainees, all commoners for the most part, traded glances. “It would be a lie to say we don’t have our own feelings about you, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”
“If you help us so we don’t drop out, we’ll consider all accounts settled.”
“So, less grumbling, more teaching! The due date for these is tomorrow and we haven’t gotten anything done yet.”
Akeru wasn’t quite sure if he should be glad at their reaction or not, but Shigemaru burst into laughter. “In short, no hard feelings!”
After that, Akeru spent the rest of the evening teaching theory to his peers. Yukiya’s explanations proved to be awful and their current situation was beyond subpar, but, thanks to Akeru’s efforts, they ended up being able to solve a lot of the questions with ease. In the end, his overjoyed, frantically crying students were imploring him to come again the next day.
“Tired?” Shigemaru asked him on the way back.
Akeru shook his head. “No, thank you for inviting me. It was fun.”
It had been the first time in his life someone thanked him like that. It was invigorating beyond belief. On top of that, there were many among the study group who were accomplished at Horsemanship and, as a show of gratitude, they had offered to help him practice the horse-rider switch during the next break. Akeru was genuinely glad he had joined them.
——There was, however, a matter much more important than his participation in the study group. One he had left for later.
“Chihaya, do you have a moment?”
Akeru called out to him just as he had left the empty room, heading towards his own. There was clear suspicion on Chihaya’s face, but he nevertheless followed him to a corner of the hallway without ever uttering a word.
“I’ve given you a lot of trouble with the latest incident. Allow me to apologize again,” Akeru bowed.
“I don’t mind,” Chihaya answered just the same way as before.
“But I do mind. You could have also ended up gravely injured if anything else had gone wrong, and now there are weird rumors going around. I’ve been thinking a lot about if there was something I could do to pay you back.”
Chihaya’s expression became slightly troubled, but Akeru kept talking without paying it any mind. “Despite your bad relationship with Kimichika, you came to the Monastery through the Minami-Tachibana’s recommendation, right?”
“..... You investigated me?”
“I’m sorry, but yes. Back when I lost against you during our first match, my followers checked your family register in the census, as well as your general background, and came to inform me. That’s when I heard that you have a little sister and her health is poor, so you couldn’t refuse the Minami-Tachibana’s assistance. When Kimichika intimidated you during your fight that one time, he meant your sister, right?”
In a matter of seconds, Chihaya’s expression went entirely blank.
“I’m fully aware it was presumptuous of me to do so. That said, let me ask you something else. Would you let me assist you with that?” Chihaya didn’t reply to his question. “You must loathe this situation, having your sister essentially be a hostage to Kimichika. This is just as a way of apology, there are no ulterior motives or anything,” Akeru emphasized. “It’s all out of pure goodwill, I mean it.”
Up until then, Akeru had only taken advantage of his own position and the power his birth had given him. He had done nothing but act arrogantly in front of people like Chihaya or Shigemaru. However, he had no plans to commit the same mistakes and misuse his power anymore. He wanted to follow Yukiya’s advice. This would be a good first at using his influence in the correct way, or so he thought.
“The Western House will support you, if you wish so, and we’ll take good proper care of your sister too. It’s not like you want to be under Kimichika either. Right, Chihaya?”
Chihaya opened his mouth after a long silence.
“That’s right,” he murmured in a self-deprecating tone. “That much is true. I’m not receiving the Minami-Tachibana’s aid because I like it that way.”
“Then!” Akeru said enthusiastically.
The look in Chihaya’s eyes, however, was as cold as ice.
“——It’s as I thought. You’re just like Kimichika.” Just like that, Chihaya turned his back on him and quickly left the place behind. Akeru had no time to stop him.
…… Did he just anger him?
Frozen in place, Akeru watched Chihaya as he vanished into the distance.
“But, why?” He couldn’t even imagine the reason behind Chihaya’s anger.
Next: Chihaya (Part 1)
—————————————
1: Warfare Records is my take on Senpu (戦譜), which is in itself a reference to Kifu (棋譜). Kifu is the word for records of abstract strategy games like Shogi or Go, which can be used to fully replicate a game. Each game has their own notation methods.
19 notes · View notes
kaija-rayne-author · 2 months ago
Text
Dragon Age Veilguard wrap up review and final thoughts
So… I wrote that string of reviews (section one starts here) while I was playing the game. I’d write them either before or after logging in for the day, so I wouldn’t forget anything I wanted to mention.
Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard. Tried to keep them to a minimum, but they’re there.
My thoughts on breaking the media blackout I stayed under while I played Veilguard to completion.
A little about me. I’m an editor by trade. I’m an author and a reviewer. I’m a pretty heavily left leaning, queer as fuck, non-binary person, so I’m not one of the awful reviewers who are causing so many problems from what I’ve heard. No one paid me for a review or to write anything. I’ve played the game to completion and watched the credits all the way through to that awful last scene. These are just my thoughts and my knowledge. And honestly? My broken heart.
I’m just someone who has absolutely loved Dragon Age from the moment I first turned on DAO. Because I’m an editor and a writer… my reviews tend to be more in depth than an average person’s? Maybe? I have a medical background (Forensic Anthropologist) and I legitimately read encyclopedias for fun.
In case you haven’t guessed yet. I’m autistic/ADHD (AuDHD). Dragon Age has been a hyperfocus/special interest of mine for years. I’m absolutely a lore fiend. I probably know more about the lore than many people actually working at BioWare. Especially if Veilguard is anything to judge by.
Also, this is all my off the cuff writing. I haven't the time, energy, or desire to edit them.
The problem with Dragon Age Veilguard… well. There’re a lot of problems with it. I think what it really comes down to is poor adhesion to the established lore, a crappy fighting and levelling system, and poor writing. And with Trick Weekes as Lead Writer? I never in a million years would’ve thought I’d have to say that about Veilguard.
I’ve enjoyed Weekes’ writing for a few years now. Two of my favourite Dragon Age books are by them. I really wish I could write a positive review for Veilguard. But I just can’t.
There were some things I liked about it. I liked some of the mechanics. Ziplines and the Elven light puzzles were pretty awesome. I liked how some of the streamlining made the game better. I liked how the logs were a lot easier to walk across than they were in any of the previous games. Some of the characters grew on me despite their poor writing. I liked the map when I was at the Lighthouse. Being able to see when and where a companion wanted to talk to me was great. I liked the wardrobe and how nice and easy it made changing how your gear looked. There were probably a few other things I liked. I tried to be scrupulous in my review series on saying both the positive and the negative. So if you’ve got the time to read that long thing, it’s probably worth it if you’re on the fence about buying and playing it.
And if you had a hand in making that travesty of a CRPG? You really should read it. For professional development, if nothing else.
If you’re Solavellan? I’ll just flat out tell you not to. It’s not worth it. There is no happy ending for Solas and Inky. There’s no intimate scene. Every single thing most Solavellan’s have been hoping for… for ten bloody years? It’s not there. And in fact, they did Solas so dirty. There were memories of him. I wanted memories! I did not want memories of every awful thing he’d ever been forced to do as a rebel leader. They hammered home how awful Solas was with a freaking jackhammer.
As a diehard DA fan and a committed Solavellan? It was an outright painful game to play. It really hurt. And then to see his horrific wolf form (he honestly looks like a Chinese crested dog on a really bad day. I really wish I were joking.) And then to not have anything resembling a happy ending? It’s not worth your time, and it definitely isn’t worth your money. Fanfic writers will have to heal our broken hearts, because Weekes certainly did not.
No. Trick Weekes. That was not even a suggestion of a happy ending. And I will honestly never trust you again after you actually tweeted that to me. You gave me hope. And there was no reason to hope.
So… yeah. I’ll never be able to cover all the bad in Veilguard in a short (ish) review. I’m trying to keep this short!
I’m not good at that. For what it’s worth. XD.
The Lore.
There is so much Lore they had to use for inspiration. Three full games, five books, six comics, at least two coffee table/art books and probably stuff I don’t know about. They had all of that to use as inspiration. What little they did use? Was so twisted it was hardly recognizable. I went into more detail in the longer review series so I won’t here. But they hardly used the amazing amount of Lore at all. They shoved it under the rug of bad writing to make a very unsightly lump to anyone with eyes to see it.
It’s almost like they were so eager to shuffle Solas off so they could move on to writing a new game in a different age that they just… I don’t even know. Treated him poorly doesn’t begin to cover it. Screwed up the story by sidelining a plot-necessary character also doesn’t cover it. Which as both an editor and an author, I really do not understand. You don’t do that with such a plot heavy character. It leaves the consumers unhappy.
After the game play reveal. I honestly didn’t have a lot of hope. I knew Varric’s fate even before that. (It’s not good. In case you’re wondering.) Becoming an editor has absolutely ruined me by making it easy to guess what’s going to happen.
The Writing.
I’ve actually heard and seen the writers saying they were pleased with how the characters came out. Professionally? And as kindly as I possibly can? May I suggest you all learn how to write better? Most of those characters and the plot were just so poorly written. The romances were ridiculous. And I’m a romance author? So I kinda know what I’m talking about? At every juncture, you all chose the most basic, most puerile options. The only surprises for me in that game were how you completely ignored the Lore and how bad the writing was.
I think Veilguard would’ve been perfectly fine as a non-Dragon Age action RPG. And for anyone who loves it for that… I’m truly happy for you.
But that’s not how it was marketed. It had all the right Dragon Age voice actors, character names, location names… but that is not Dragon Age. You’d need to actually use the lore for that. They did not. Or if they used a little? It was heavily retconned and twisted out of recognition. The only thing even remotely close to being like a Dragon Age game were the settings, environments, and scenery. Those were phenomenal and the only thing that held that travesty of a game together. Everything else? Goddess. How do you fail so horribly at something when you have every resource you could possibly need to make it good?
Because it could actually have been good. It could’ve been phenomenal. If they’d actually written that game for Dragon Age fans? You know… us middle-aged or slightly younger/older gamers who’ve lusted for another DA game for years? If they’d paid attention even a little bit to the Lore? If they hadn’t side-lined a plot-important character? If they hadn’t retconned soooo much that I often felt like I had whiplash playing it? If they hadn’t stripped it down to the very bare bones of mediocrity? If they hadn’t basically made it for children? While condescending to them? (Heads up… kids hate being condescended to.)
If they hadn’t nerfed rogues so badly that I don’t know why they bothered to call them rogues at all? You cannot pick locks, hide in shadows, sneak, set or disarm traps, brew potions or bombs… absolutely none of the fun stuff that makes a rogue a rogue is in Veilguard. If you’re a rogue player? Skip it. You’ll just be as disappointed as I am.
Nor can you garden. You can’t make potions or bombs or… anything. You can’t craft anything yourself. You go to someone called The Caretaker at the Lighthouse and use everything you’ve collected by smashing far too many barrels (why… why with the barrels?) for them to upgrade your stuff. You can’t really dress up your companions in funny clothing or armour. They’ve scraped most of the detail out of Veilguard like they were carving a pumpkin and had to get the guts out. The problem is? Those guts are needed for any story. It’s called world building.
Get this. BioWare… BIOWARE removed blood splatter from Veilguard. There’s no toggle I can find that makes it even possible. They truly made this game for kids and not for the middle-aged gamers who… y’know… usually have money to spend on games. Do NOT ask me how that made any kind of sense. Their logo for at least two games was a blood splatter Dragon ffs. And now there’s no blood splatter option in game. I just absolutely cannot understand it.
The fighting system.
Dear gods. The fighting system. So first? They tied how often your companions get skill points to how high their bond is with you. You increase your bond with them by taking them with you (and you can only take two) and doing their quests, etc. But do you know what that means in functionality? If you’re not a tank player? You’re basically cream cheese. I’m not a professional gamer. But gaming is my number one form of entertainment. I play on hard/ultra hard for most games I play. And a lot of them are live-fighting types like DAV was trying to be.
Guess whose rogue had a permanent tattoo of ‘I have aggro please come eat me now’ on their forehead? Mine. I have a very intimate understanding of the inside animations of the dragon’s mouths. If they’re going to keep that crappy leveling system, the least they could do is let us all have the ‘no death’ toggle on every level. Won’t matter to me because I can’t imagine ever playing it again.
I lost 14 hours of my life with the crashing, glitching, and reloading I had to go through to get the damned thing to even run. (And it’s not my computer. It has an ssd. The video drivers are all updated and up to snuff. It’s around a little over midway between necessary and recommended specs. It’s just a shitty game.) It’s a shame I can’t charge BioWare for those lost hours of my life. How could they have possibly thought that this game was ready for release?
If you want to know the rest of the negatives (and a few more positives) the whole review series is where you’ll find them.
But between the actual craptastic showing of Veilguard and that last scene taking all the agency away from every character who ever came before? Oh, and with the bad guys from across the sea wearing something an awful lot like a burqa? You know… the long black robes and veils many Afghani people and other Muslims wear? Nah. I’m done. Finite. I may occasionally enjoy the first three games. But Veilguard does not exist for me. And anything they make going forward doesn’t exist for me. That last scene… WTAF were they thinking? I actually can’t believe out of all the people who must have worked on that game that no one else made that connection about maybe insinuating that people wearing black robes and veils who live on the other side of the sea are evil is maybe a bad thing!?
I just can’t anymore. If you’re looking for a no-brain needed, kid oriented, action RPG (they really did simplify this soooo much for children that it’s absolutely condescending) then you’ll probably be fine with it.
If you love the Lore as much as you love the world? If you play rated M games with romanceable companions for the intimate scenes and the romance? (You’ll be disappointed.) If you have a few thoughts on whether it’s a great idea to remove the agency of all previous characters in the entire series as being bad? If you think maybe it’s a bad idea to insinuate people in burqas are evil? If you play anything other than a tank? Veilguard is not a game for you.
19 notes · View notes
jackiespurnell · 2 days ago
Text
happiness is a butterfly - part two (natalie scatorccio x misty quigley)
Tumblr media
summary: after nat's death, misty is convinced she's never going to get to see her best friend again. and then nat's ghost appears in misty's bedroom and everything changes
tw: none
────୨ৎ────────
“so, can i touch you?” “no, misty, you can’t.”
once misty got over the fact that nat was there, in her house, and they were actually having a conversation, they naturally went back into their usual banter - misty asks a lot of questions, and natalie refuses to give her an answer that isn’t something along the lines of “shut up.” the only thing she actually learned within the past 45 minutes is that natalie is only able to get as far as 50 feet away from misty or else she teleports right where misty is (which is great in misty’s book) and that apparently, natalie is capable of touching inanimate objects but not anything with a beating pulse (which is not so great in misty’s book).
while, yes, the situation was rather unfortunate, she was just glad to have her best friend back. at least this way, misty could gaslight herself into pretending that things were normal. because, technically, they were. for now.
her and natalie haven’t exactly had the ‘oh, yeah, sorry for accidentally killing you while trying to kill the girl that pointed a gun in your direction oopsies’ talk yet, and it was one neither of them wanted to have. misty knows that nat probably expected her to push farther on the little they did talk about it, given that all misty ever does is push when it comes to uncomfortable topics (read: the wilderness), but misty really wasn’t in the mood to talk about this uncomfortable topic, and she knew damn well natalie wasn’t either. and sure, she knows that talking about it helps you feel better or whatever, but does misty even want to feel better? cause once she does, nat is gone for good. but then again, if she feels better, she’s going to be okay with nat being gone for good…
honestly, misty can’t imagine a world where she’s okay with nat being gone for good. and she really doesn’t want to. 
“so, i can’t touch you or you won’t let me?”
“both.” nat says, her tone sharp and glass. misty flops down onto her bed. “what do you mean both?” she asks, tilting her glasses up from where it had fallen down onto her nose, a nervous habit of hers she’s picked up when she was a kid. natalie crosses her arms, leaning against the dresser. “i mean, no, you can’t touch me, and even if you could, i wouldn’t let you. there. you happy?”
misty just scoffs, rolling her eyes. “it wouldn’t hurt for you to lighten up a bit. god, you’re always so…pissy.” natalie just laughs, and even though her laugh sounds really pretty in misty’s opinion, she could automatically tell it wasn’t the good kind of laugh (misty bets natalie would sound even prettier if it was the good kind of laugh). “what’s next, you’re going to tell me to smile more?” nat says, a little too sarcastic for a dead girl.
“you know, natalie, you could be a little bit nicer to me. i mean, you’re like, stuck with me for who knows how long. so.” she gives natalie a look as if to say duh, and before she gave nat a chance to say something snappy back, she opens up her laptop and starts typing away. 
“you find anything on the mysterious texter?” natalie asked, and misty lights up and both the fact that it was nat who initiated the conversation and also, misty fucking loves talking about her job as a citizen detective. she knows it’s probably weird, she’s 43 and geeking out about true crime, but misty’s always been the weird one, hasn’t she?
“well,” misty says, motioning for nat to come sit next to her on the bed, which the brunette does not do. “the little shit used a burner phone and then disabled said phone, which, i was kind of expecting that.” she sighs, turning over to natalie, who muttered something under her breath. “let me see.” nat finally climbs onto the bed, prying the laptop out of misty’s hands, for her to see, and misty ignores the implications that natalie just straight up didn’t trust her. 
“but,” misty says, yanking the laptop away. “i did find a location before he disabled it.” 
she opens up another tab, smiling to herself as natalie leans in to read the coordinates of the screen. “it says its from beaver hill, oregon.” natalie raises her eyebrow. “beaver hill? who the fuck names a town after a rodent?” misty just giggles, because first of all, beavers were cute, and second of all, the mental image of natalie interacting with a beaver was even cuter. she imagines the beaver climbing all over natalie, getting all clingy and adorable, maybe crawling into her lap for cuddles or whatever. she thinks the brunette would probably act all annoyed at this, given the fact that she always acts all annoyed, but misty likes to think nat would secretly enjoy it. that maybe she’d actually like the obvious care and affection the beaver has for her, or maybe she’d eventually seek out the beaver herself.
(don’t read too much into that. it’s obviously not how misty wants nat to feel about her. duh).
“i’m not exactly sure. but what’s strange about it, is that it’s an unincorporated town. it’s not governed by any sort of local corporation or municipality, which, i guess makes it kind of perfect for this cryptic kind of shit. right?”
natalie just rolls her eyes. “whatever, i’m not doing another fucking road trip with you, misty. not again.” natalie shoved the laptop back into misty’s lap and got up from the bed. “you can go by yourself or whatever, just leave me out of this.”
“right, what happened to the whole ‘you cant be more than 50 feet away from me’ thing?” misty says in an overly sweet tone, cocking her head to the side, knowing that she won. natalie groans, tilting her head backwards as a sign of annoyance (misty ignores the feeling she gets when she sees natalie’s exposed neck, knowing that if they could make physical contact she’d totally want to leave little marks all over the flesh).
“you’re fucking insufferable, you know?” natalie jabs her pointer finger in misty’s direction, to which the blonde sighs, crossing her arms. “but you know i’m right! don’t you want to find who’s sending this shit, and what they want from us?”
“what they want from you, misty. i’m dead, remember? or at least i should be. so, no, misty, i don’t want to find out who’s sending this shit!” and misty knows what the implications are. she knows that none of this affects natalie anymore, directly anyways. she knows nat’s supposed to be dead but isn’t because misty’s pathetic, clingy ass can’t seem to get a grip. she knows that nat is only dead because of misty. it’s all because of misty.
and to make matters worse, she knows however badly misty fucks up, no matter how much nat wants her to leave her alone, natalie’s never going to outright say it, because that’s just not who natalie is. she’ll passive aggressively imply the hell of it - like she’s doing now - but there’s not a mean bone in natalie’s insanely hot body. even when she deserves it, nat would never actually lash out on misty. and she hates it. and she kind of loves it too.
“right. sorry.” misty nods, giving herself a second just to sulk, before cracking a smile because passive aggressive or not, nat was still going to be stuck on another road trip with her and it was going to be so. much. fun.
“wait - do you think i should ask the others about the text? i mean, they probably got it, right? or something of the variation. i mean, my first thought was that the thing the texter meant they knew about was the wilderness, because duh, but then i thought maybe they were talking about you? because, like, you know, 25 years since the plane crash and the first survivor is down and maybe they put the pieces together and-”
“dont.” natalie says sharply, and it takes misty a second to realize what exactly nat is saying ‘dont’ to. and then she realizes. 
natalie doesn’t want to tell the others.
which doesn’t exactly surprise misty, but it doesn’t not surprise misty. she knows nat is pretty much a loner, despite misty’s various attempts to get herself involved in natalie’s life. but it’s not like nat had that many issues with the others in the time leading up to her death. but even if she did, it’s not like she’d have to talk to them or anything. and it’s good to have to backup, in case shit goes south. misty simply tilts her head to the side to convey her confusion, and natalie just looks away as if she’s contemplating the right words to say. “i just- i don’t want them knowing, you know…about me. like this. the ghost thing. you know?” natalie says sheepishly, and no, misty doesn’t know, but her face immediately softens, because if there’s one thing you’re rarely going to get from natalie scatorccio, it’s vulnerability. and this feels probably as vulnerable as natalie is going to get.
“i just…it’s weird. i don’t know. maybe later we can tell them but not now, okay? can this just be our secret for now?” natalie says and all misty could do was smile at her because that sounded a lot like nat wanted something just for the two of them - which, realistically, is not what she meant at all, but then again, misty was known for being little miss delusional.
“okay.” misty agrees, because honestly, who needs backup when you have the ghost of your dead best friend by your side?
“we’re really doing this again, aren’t we?” natalie asks, sighing in defeat, to which misty enthusiastically nods. “yep! back at it again! i should pack my stuff.” the blonde bounces up and out of bed, murmuring to herself as she grabs an old knapsack from the fucking 90s and shoves some clothes in there, as well as her other belongings. 
misty hears a notification from her phone - the little ding go off - and her mind immediately goes to the unknown texter. “you think it’s our mystery bitch?” natalie asks, already knowing the answer. misty tries not to act too excited, except fuck it, she’s very excited. she crawls onto her bed to pick up her phone, flopping down onto the sheets, enthusiastic in a way that made her disappointment all the more obvious when she realized it was, in fact, not the mystery bitch.
“what?” natalie asked. “he threaten to kidnap your bird or something?”
typically, misty would have just rolled her eyes or told natalie not to bring caligula into this. but this whole situation was not very typical, so instead, misty just stared at her phone for a few more seconds, before shaking her head, snapping out of whatever little trance she was previously in. “uh, no, sorry.” she says. “it’s not the texter. it’s walter.”
walter. misty had met him on her citizen detective site a little while back, when she was trying to figure out what the fuck happened to natalie - turns out she was kidnaped by lottie’s acolytes - and he actually proved to be of pretty useful help. he was odd, and a little strange, but misty can’t deny that they kind of work well together. he was just like her, all kooky and weird. he assured misty that her (nonexistent) ‘serial killer tendencies’ were actually charming and he made her feel like an actual person instead of just the quirky outcast she’s been stereotyped as her whole life. now, statistically, she’s never had the best relationship luck (the whole ‘murder basement’ thing is pretty off-putting for most people), and it’s not that she’s actively pursuing anything with him, but she’s not stupid. she can tell he’s into her. and she’s not not into him. she’s just….not into him. sort of. 
“walter? the little boyfriend?” nat asks, furrowing her eyebrows together slightly. “the fuck does he want?” misty knew natalie was never walter’s biggest fan, and she knew that, and even though misty’s still not entirely sure what she wants from walter, she kind of wishes her best friend had a higher opinion of the one person who actually took an interest in her.
“he’s asking if i’m okay. after, you know, tonight. he drove me home and offered to come in, but uh, i wanted to be alone.” misty says, to which natalie just laughs. “you, misty quigley, wanted to be alone? how ironic.”
and yeah, in any other circumstance, it would have been pretty funny to misty. now? it just makes misty want to curl up into a ball and cry.
“you gonna answer him?” natalie asks, and misty hates the way nat’s voice softens, she hates how much it sounds like pity. misty just nods, typing back from short response or whatever, hoping it’ll sound real enough for walter just to drop it. she does want to talk to him, she really does, but, not right now. he would understand. this is simply too important.
“how far is oregon from here?” nat asks, to which misty immediately responds with “about 1 day and 18 hours.”
surprisingly, natalie doesn’t put up a fight, simply groans but nods. “alright. well, given the fact that you’re going to have to drive the whole way, we should probably wait until the morning to leave. you’re going to be too tired to drive in a couple of hours if we leave now. get some rest, misty. go to sleep.”
and misty did just that, knowing that even if it was just for a short period of time, it was going to be her and natalie against the world again. just as it should be.
────୨ৎ────────
11 notes · View notes
2000sangel · 1 month ago
Note
For the Adam thing waaahh..
She/her i’m about 4’10, a bit chunky but not majorly overweight. Alt/metalhead style. About 50 piercings and a butt ton of tattoos incl 2 full sleeves. Dye my hair every colour of the rainbow but rn its black. Mullet with microbangs and an undercut with sides shaved as well. Big ass glasses cos i’m blind af lol.
Personality wise shiiiiiit insanely unstable actually. Diagnosed Bipolar and BPD is like, scratching the surface. But deep down im soooo sweet and gift giving is my love language. Super aggressive to those i don’t know, but submissive to those i do. Anxious as balls. Total virgin literally have never even kissed anyone HAH. Love reading and writing and playing all sort of video games. Am a hair stylist. Ahhh idk what else! Thats probably it :) am a fair bit boring
Good day, anon!! Hope you enjoy these, and thank you for sending this in! I’m having sm fun lol ^_°
dividers credit : rookthornesartistry
★ Adam x You Headcanons ★
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Couldn't think of Emojis, so here's your ship name : Blast Beats !!
★ First of all Adam thinks you’re so unbelievably cool – I mean, he dresses pretty much the same! And if you ask me, I’d probably say that he’s got at least some tattoos and piercings of his own. He genuinely thinks you’re so attractive and he can’t resist the urge to kiss you whenever you’re getting ready to go anywhere, if he flutters his eyes open don’t mind him, he’s probably focusing on your tattoo-filled arms reaching out to cling onto him.
★ Speaking of which! You’ve never kissed anyone, and don’t have any experience in this kind of thing? He’s more than willing to teach and show you things – Adam has had, let’s not lie to ourselves here, multiple experiences with different people before you, so he’s more than willing to take the lead in your first kiss and he’s got a way of correcting you on things he doesn’t like that’s just...the slightest bit of attractive. Don’t be embarrassed to accidentally kiss him the ‘wrong’ way or putting your hands in an awkward place during it, he has ways to fix it so that it doesn’t ruin the moment.
★ He’s also a master of dye – he absolutely helps you dye your hair at home and it’s actually pretty funny how he acts like a true hairdresser during the process, double checking in the mirror and puffing up your hair a little once it’s finally dyed and dry.
★ Adam doesn’t mind you having your moments, truly. He will make sure you get enough love and care no matter what, but if you have especially bad days he’s learned to ask you what you need and accommodate you as best as he can. The only thing is that he’s not the best with words, at least at the beginning of your relationship: expect him to fuck up a little, or even say something a bit tone deaf, but he will immediately apologize after and resort to physical contact to comfort you instead. Do you like being securely wrapped up in his huge, soft wings? Good, because he will keep one of those at least around your shoulder for the whole day.
★ He loves your gifts!! He has never actually been a gift kind of person, but sometimes he will sneak out of your shared house to get you something in return, or he will hang out with friends just so they can suggest what to get you that you could appreciate, because in all honesty, this man wants to impress you... but he’s not sure he gets the gift thing 100% right yet. He might bring you stuff that he likes the most at first...but hey, the sentiment is there!
★ Also, since you like reading, writing, that sort of things...he will definitely opt to get you a book you haven’t had the chance to read yet sometimes, and it’s funny how he’s so bad at being mysterious about it...”Sooo, babe... random question... anything new you want to read came out recently?” he asks, on his way out to a very secretive outing, tote bag of his own band draped across his shoulder. You can’t help but giggle...
★ ...though sometimes he changes his mind midway and decides to bring home a whole new console so you can both play on it together. Your house is full of those, Adam loves videogames, too! The videogames he likes are a tad bit violent, so if you’re not in that kind of thing he won’t force you play –though he will joke around a bit and call you a pussy- and get you more games of your liking that you can play while he sleeps on you.
18 notes · View notes
kayakischaotic · 2 years ago
Text
PJO/HOO/TOA HEADCANONSSSS 🎉🎉🎉
WHOS READY TO RUMBLEE
also I haven’t read the books in awhile + I have terrible memory so o7
clears my throat
PERCY JACKSON:
—>all my faves had a emo phase. including Peter Johnson
—>he owns a BUNCH of different earrings, nothing too big or extravagant, but like a little fish, maybe an arrow, etc
—>dyes part of his hair blue because he’s Percy
—>Sally TOTALLY knew he was bi when he was little
—>has a bi flag necklace (I’m jealous)
—>once dyed his hair blonde while he was at camp and after everyone called him a dumb blonde he decided to never dye it blonde again
—>he totally loves having his hair played with cause Sally used to always play with his hair when he was a kid
—>his eyes change from blue to green depending on the lighting
—>he’s been the little mermaid for Halloween at LEAST once
—>has an extensive collection of Hawaiian shirts
ANNABETH CHASE:
—>she sticks a bunch of little pins on her Yankees hat
—>doesn’t know how to drive (at least not very well)
—>if she could she’d have road rage so much
—>probably owns at least 5 different pairs of earbuds/headphones that she uses on her iPod and/or Daedalus’s laptop
—>building a campus place similar to New Rome at CHB
—>instead of a box of chocolates for Valentines day, she once gave Percy a bag of M&M’s. but only the blue ones
—>drinks at least 3 cups of coffee most days
—>bi-curious/questioning
—>also questioning her gender a bit
—>read Harry Potter and couldn’t tell if she wanted to BE Hermione or be WITH Hermione (still can’t tell)
GROVER UNDERWOOD:
—>pan, ace
—>will eat anything if he’s stressed
—>has little rings he can put around his horns for added style
—>tism
—>he/they KING!!
—>will just snack on a head of lettuce
—>has to wear reading glasses (what a nerd /pos)
—>has an extensive knowledge of which plants around CHB taste good, and which taste bad (has definitely been taken to the medics once or twice for eating poisonous plants)
JASON GRACE:
—>everyone makes fun of him because of The Brick™️.
—>THEATER KID
—>will ramble to you about wolves for as long as you will let him
—>frequently dyes small strips of his hair with hair chalk
—>him and Annabeth are like best friends. please.
—>questioning
PIPER MCLEAN:
—>she ate the rest of the non-blue M&M’s for Annabeth
—>genderfluid she/her lesbian.
—>helps Hazel, Annabeth, and the other girls do their hair (and sometimes Percy)
—>sees Jason and Leo as her brothers
—>wears suits to fancy events
—>usually uses her charmspeak to win at board games
—>girl in red’s biggest fan
—>EVERYONES WINGMAN
LEO VALDEZ:
—>makes everyone friendship bracelets
—>will totally light candles just to watch them burn
—>pretends he’s Festus’s vet whenever he has to fix him
—>calls the Argo II his child
—>doesn’t have a proper sleep schedule in the slightest…
—>gay, demiboy
—>totally introduced everyone else to neo/xeno pronouns
—>he/they/it mainly, but also uses a bunch of neos and xenos
—>has a dragon stuffed animal he calls Festus Jr. that he struggles to sleep without
—>he is the autism creature /j
—>will call anyone in sight bro or dude
—>scared of heights
—>keeps calling himself “the rizzler”
REYNA AVILA RAMIREZ-ARELLANO:
—>therapist friend
—they/she
—demiromantic asexual
—>astrology lover
—>straight A student without trying or studying
HAZEL LEVESQUE:
—>the only person on the Argo II that can keep a plant alive (somehow)
—>unlabeled
—>her and Nico help paint everyone’s nails
—>is always wearing either a skirt or overalls. (better yet: overalls skirt)
—>lactose intolerant
—>totally holds a dance at Camp Jupiter that is similar to a school dance at least once a year
FRANK ZHANG:
—>token straight friend
—>has a fairly large stuffed animal collection (only to be rivaled by Octavian’s)
—>if he ever visits CHB he purposely avoids being near the fire
—>makes the rest of the 7 watch superhero movies with him
—>owns lots of comics
—>him and Percy ramble about superheroes and comics together
NICO DI ANGELO:
—>certified DJ of the 7
—>his favorite restaurant isn’t even McDonald’s.. (it’s Olive Garden /j)
—>if demigods could use technology, he would totally be a tumblr user. (happy (late) Ides of March)
—>THEATER KID
—>he keeps saying “gaslight gatekeep girlboss” and everyone is kinda confused
—>loves listening to 70s/80s/90s rock
—>is (attempting) to learn the drums
—>survives off of energy drinks and coffee
—>has a nightlight in his cabin for when Will visits
—>also listens to Crywank
WILL SOLACE:
—>definitely has dressed up as a lamp for Halloween
—>HE/THEY!!!
—> trying to convince Nico to be in a band with him, playing guitar, Austin, playing sax, and Apollo, playing flute (Nico’s not having it)
—>favorite color is “all of them”
—>attempts to grow plants (fails)
—>he would totally be addicted to Tiktok if he had it
—>if anyone asks what time it is he will respond one of three ways: “it’s time for lunch” “its game time” or “it’s time for you to get a WATCH”
—>he’s really bad at reading clocks
—>totally cried during Frozen
APOLLO/LESTER PAPADOPOULOS:
—>he/they bi icon
—>motto is “fake it til you make it”
—>adhd, probably
—>always looses board games
—>chronically online…
—>will purposely sing the wrong words to popular songs so half of CHB thinks they’ve been singing these songs wrong the entire time
—>him and Nico bond over saying things like “gaslight gatekeep girlboss”
—>scared of the dark
—>quotes Mean Girls at least once a day
—>trying to make a theater class at CHB (Chiron agrees, Dionysus is… not quite there yet)
—>surprisingly good at lying (fake it til you make it!)
—>some Aphrodite kids told him their skincare secrets while he was mortal and gave them a few products
—>wears eyeliner on a daily basis
—>when he was a mortal the Aphrodite cabin and his cabin played dress-up on him and made him wear a bunch of weird outfits
THATS ALL FOR NOW!!!!!
I bet you totally can’t tell who my favorites are by how much they have put down…. /s
TELL ME SOME OF YOUR HEADCANONS SO I CAN ADD THEM TO MY HOARD
158 notes · View notes
kitsunesfandomtime · 11 months ago
Text
Hated by Life Itself (Rough Draft/Concept)
Summary: A young AFO wonders why he is still alive and his purpose for his continued existence. He decides to try and figure it out despite everything else saying he should die.
Inspired by: @tengoku-izumi, @kstbj and song this is a rough draft and not the completed fic. I just like sharing since it might change so enjoy~
Completed Version: Link
Since he was born it felt as if life itself abhorred his very existence. Blood and death followed his every path as nightmares of the dead sneered and screamed at him. There are times he wondered if he should listen to their words, grab his own spike and ram it into his throat. To end it all as there is only more death in this world.
Only to remember that Yoichi is still there.
He would die without him, unable to fight or defend himself. While he didn’t care about his own life, always eating second and prioritizing the other, he can’t bring himself to abandon Yoichi. It was a selfish thought, he is sure, that he didn’t care much about himself and yet can’t let go of his little brother. As the only reason he could think of if Yoichi died is, he wouldn’t like it.
Little brother. It was Yoichi that learned that term after he brought all those books. It was also when he chose to name his little brother. As the only kindness the world has ever gifted him despite everything else wishing for his death. Yet he still hasn’t chosen a name for himself, even refusing his little brother's attempt to name him.
He didn’t need one.
A name is something for those that have an identity, a dream, or actually have some light to look forward to. His brother says live peacefully, be kind, even to his own detriment and while at times have gotten annoyed enough to roughly shove or hurt his brother. He admired it, that naivety was in a weird sense sweet because he wished he could live peacefully. What a wonderful thing it would be if he could just live like that, but he knows he can’t.
Every radio talks about a new death, every TV they find has another riot and chaos of people fighting those with powers. There are marches of people who sneer at the paranormal, looking at him and implying if has power they will kill him. Living Peacefully was never an option for them, but he can at least let Yoichi believe in that. It not like he cares what strangers think only that Yoichi lives and is at his side, then its enough.
Though he notes they both have been growing. Yoichi has more comics now after they found a bookstore to hide in. He goes to his side and reads.
And in that moment also realized, like the hero, if they died there would be no one there to mourn them. No one would care about their existence and for once the thought did bother him because it was unfair. Unsure of what to think of these feelings he keeps it close to his chest listening and trying to learn more of the world. Only to learn of the ‘Glowing baby’.
…He was loved. He was born with mutant powers but everyone loved him. They adored him and he made changes. Everyone would care if he died, he would be a martyr. 
He saw red, wanting to scream why everyone loves him? Why didn’t anyone help him or his little brother? What made them so different!? His hands trembling as he stared at the screen as this ‘baby’ was actually his age if anything a bit younger. Wanting to ask why he was born so loved while he is in the streets with scraps barely surviving.
Because you’re a monster!
He flinches. Somehow a voice echoed in his head causing him to stumble awat from the TV, knowing he was getting a few looks. His head was pounding, able to hear the jeers and sneers, they were so loud… He just wanted to live for his little brother. He just wants what everyone else has so won’t feel so terrible and is only trying to survive while people keep trying to kill him. Is that so wrong? Was he that terrible?
Why was he even alive?
“...It’s all pointless isn’t it?” He whispers more to himself as he just listens to those voices. A deep breath and a sigh as he looks at the TV screen. Thinking about the comic book they read reminded him of the villain. The villain wasn’t alone. If he's already been a monster since birth then he should embrace that role. Then everyone would have to look at him then when they have nothing, he can show he can care for them.
No one will be able to ignore him. He won’t feel lonely anymore.
He needs to return to Yoichi. Before he does this he wants to be with him, he won’t tell him his plans might fail. If he dies because of failure at least he wants to be sure that Yoichi will be fine for a while. Because in the end if Yoichi dies, no one would even know or even care that he existed either.
________
“Yoichi I brought back food,” The unnamed young man called out with a grocery bag. Of course he had to mug some drunks for the money since no one wants to hire some rats off the street. One of the food though was a nice donation from that kind restaurant, the man always left nice food in the back. He wishes he could pay him back somehow, but if he succeeds then he will try his best to repay him back.
“And not all of it from stolen money. The guy that puts out free food in the back had a full meal out today he must be doing well,” He notes as he takes out that first since is sure Yoichi already making a face at the idea of food obtained dubiously. But the moment he mentioned that specific man his eyes lit up already eagerly holding his hand out to snatch the food. Opening and devouring it with his hand.
“Hey! He brought us forks we should at least try to eat it,” he laughs just a bit and Yoichi stops himself. Looking a bit embarrassed but to be fair they didn’t know manners they only learned by watching other people. Usually through a window and that's how they even learned about utensils, regardless Yoichi did accept the plastic fork and knife to eat his noodles a bit more cleanly. While the older brother sat beside to eat the leftover Katsudon enjoying the meal a bit he thinks about how could set his little brother up.
“Honestly, you can probably visit that guy sometimes too. He usually has a consistent schedule and thankfully not too many people cause trouble there,” He noted. Watching Yoichi look up in surprise as this was the first time he ever suggested Yoichi do anything by himself. “It's just a thought. Eventually I might die so it's good to know how to care for yourself.”
Yoichi suddenly sputtered and choked, looking shocked. Was it really that surprising? There were tons of attempts on their life-
“You aren’t going to die! Don’t just say stuff like that, you don’t want to die do you?” Yoichi questioned with concern and honestly… The older brother was a bit dumbfounded. Staring at his little brother confused at what he means about how he doesn’t want to die. Slowly tilting his head he thinks about how he doesn’t care if he does die but guessed it not like he is actively trying.
“I mean if I obtained an immortal body I guess that wouldn’t be an issue,” he answers quite bluntly. Yoichi’s concern turns to annoyance as he leans over and smacks his shoulder as if had just been tricked.
“You’re an ass! That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. Are you just messing with me by talking about death?” Yoichi questions and he honestly just shrugs. Likely only frustrating his little brother more but he didn’t exactly know how to explain it. Thinking a bit more carefully about how he is supposed to communicate his words.
“I am serious. If I was immortal it would be nice, I would be able to take care of you forever without any issues. I’m sure you like being immortal as you could read all the comics and books in the world,” He informed him, though his little brother seemed annoyed. At least he wasn’t saying he wanted to die or anything. He’s just indifferent to the idea if he was honest but he would avoid it if he could. So that should be satisfactory.
“But honestly… If either of us died, the world itself likely wouldn’t care.” The unnamed teen muses and Yoichi freezes. He doesn’t say anything, just a long moment of silence because honestly it's the truth. Yoichi may be smart and probably get along well in society but it won’t allow him in unless something huge happens. They see his white hair and they steer clear of him right away just on the possibility he’s a paranormal.
“...But I don’t really care about the dying part.” He finally admits watching his little brother freeze, “I wouldn’t pursue it of course, you still need me and I would do anything to avoid it as there are things I still want to do. But at the same time, I would rather you live over me if given a chance that’s all it is.”
“Shut up! What is wrong with you!?” Yoichi screams and the anger did surprise him. It was rare to see his little brother so riled up and when examines his face he was trembling. As if hadn’t expected this at all, his words came out of nowhere. “You’re always selfish and demanding the hell you mean you rather I live over you!?”
Selfish…? Demanding…? What does that have to do with this conversation?
Oh! Likely because he ignores Yoichi whenever he tries to stop him from killing their enemies or any of his demands to be ‘good’. He is quite stubborn like that but he didn’t see anything wrong with what he said, not like he has any issues with Yoichi personally either. He’s known that his brother is just like this and he accepts him he isn’t going to stop caring about him. He continues eating like Yoichi isn’t looking on the brink of crying. Honestly confused at why he is making such a big deal about his statement.
“Well, I just wouldn’t like living without you alive.” It was blunt and to the point. To show he is still the same and selfish brother that he always knew. Watching those green eyes widened as tries to register his words. Then they filled with tears and a broken laugh escaped him as if had said something funny.
“The hell is that supposed to mean? That doesn’t make sense… You don’t make sense,” Yoichi whispers and in the end he guessed it was true if he said it didn’t. But in the end he was selfish and didn’t care about what was the correct way to care about someone. Some might think he is being selfless but it is not as if he wants to die for his little brother. He just prefers not to entertain the idea of being completely alone.
“You don’t need to understand it just how I feel. But you probably shouldn’t cry over your ramen. It 's going to end up extra salty,” He points out. Watching his little brother snort as wipes his eyes then goes to eat the remaining ramen. At the least they talked it out even if his brother started yelling at him and getting emotional suddenly. But in a weird way, he did feel closer and he was happy at that moment.
He hopes he can succeed and eventually they no longer have to live off of scraps.
25 notes · View notes