#like i can go high pitched and feminine but also i can sound quite low and masc

[gregmarriage]

i forgot that ppl know what my voice sounds like, bc i was about to make a whole post about hearing my own voice on mic, then i was like, yeah no, ppl are aware my voice is weird imaoooo

[tuktukpodfics]

Hi! I'm thinking about making a podfic of one of my favorite fics and I wanted to ask for a couple of tips because I adore your podfics and I have run into a couple problems very early on.

how do you do deeper voices? my voice is fairly high (I'm a soprano that can occasionally deep down into lower alto) and most of the voices in the fic are male. I also always sound about twelve in recordings lol

how do you make distinct voices? again, I have a lot of different voices (probably 5-7 that talk the most, with many many other reoccurring characters).

pacing of reading. I tend to speak/read very quick and in my practice recordings, it sounds like I'm talking much faster than I felt I was. any tips on that?

what recording programs are best? currently I'm using voice memos on my phone. which. is clearly not going to give me the best sound, regardless of the app I use, but I don't have many options.

I am living in a dorm right now and live in fear of my suite mates hearing me (my roommate not quite as much as she likes to dub and does a lot in our room--though she does it in mandarin so I cant understand it). not to mention background noise of doors opening and whatnot. if you have any tips on that as well, that would be great!

I love your podfic, you put so much soul into them, and I hope that I could do that too!

Hello fellow podfic-er! I’m so excited for you to make a podfic!

The nice thing about podfics is that I usually don’t have to create characters from scratch, they already exist in the TV show. If I’m struggling with a character, I just rewatch some clips of them talking and imitate it!

Deep voices: I, too, have a high, childish voice and struggle with deep, Manly Men. I guess the main tip I have is to...give up. What I mean is focus less on pitch and more on tone. If you speak too low, it’ll be less expressive and will probably hurt your throat. It can work for minor, 2D characters, but don’t do it for main characters that have a wide range of emotions (you may notice that my Mighty Oaks Fire Sage Zuko voice swings higher when he’s emotional oops). Instead, use your normal pitch, and make a character sound adult by using an authoritative tone. Another thing I do is play up the childish and feminine voices. We might not be able to make the adults sound adult, but we can make the kids sound extra kiddish by comparison.

Distinct voices: I’m a tactile learner, so for me, it’s all about the physicality. Every time I do Azula’s voice, I make a pinched face like I’m eating a lemon. When I record Ozai, I sneer. For Sokka, I jut out my chin and flail my arms. It looks silly, but no one is around to see. There’s lots of YouTube tutorials about how to make different voices by varying speed and tone and nasal quality, but I get kinda lost in the sauce with those theory lessons. The only way I can really get myself to do different voices is if I’m working off of a reference. I just watch videos of other cartoons and live actors and then copy them.

Pacing: Pacing is hard. I especially struggle with the editing and often end up cutting things wonkily. Audiobooks tend to be slow because you’re less likely to get tongue tied that way. If I have a big hunk of text that I find myself racing through, I slow myself down with physicality again. I’ll lean in on important words or mime out the actions. For example, on the line, “Zuko turns, grabs the bar at the side of the ship, and throws himself back over,” I'll turn my body on the word “turn,” grab an imaginary bar on the word “grab” and then lurch forward on the word “throw.” Adding in movement can bring variation to those big blocks of text.

What recording programs are best: I don’t know! I use Audacity because it’s free. Adobe Audition is great too, but it’s expensive. I am very lazy with the podfics. I don’t have a professional set-up. Basically, I make a comfortable nest of pillows in bed or my closet, use an iPhone VoiceMemos app to record straight into the phone mic, send the audio file to my computer, convert the audio to a WAV file, put it in Audacity, add a Noise Reduction effect, and then cut it down. Once I’m done editing it, I export the Audacity file as an mp3, upload it to archive.org and Spotify, and then embed those links into Ao3. Feel free to DM me if you have other tech questions. I am not particularly savvy, but we can Google it together? If any voice actors on Tumblr have professional advice, please chime in.

Silence and privacy: Background noise is a big headache for me too. I live in a noisy area with lots of planes and a squeaky elevator. I usually record now in my closet surrounded by pillows and blankets, so it’s fairly soundproof. If there’s a noise, I usually wait for the sound to stop, record the line again, then edit out the mistake in post. At the end of the day, though, sounds will slip in. It’s just a podfic; we’re doing this for fun not professionally, so it doesn’t need to be polished. I think most listeners’ attitudes is that something is better than nothing. If you’re in a school dorm, there might be music practice rooms, a radio recording booth, or empty classrooms you can use instead.

Storage: Something I didn’t realize going in was how much storage the audio clips take up. Make sure you save and delete projects as you go. One time I finished editing an Audacity project, but it wouldn’t let me save it because I ran out of storage and I had to start over.

I’m so glad you like the podfics I’ve done and that it could help inspire you to make one too! I started making podfics because I fell in love with @pixieinthesky’s fantastic Salvage podfic (it's an absolute gem). Keep the chain going!

Have fun!

[a-bucket-of-trash]

Bonds Like Tree’s Roots- Kelvin x Female Reader – P16

P15

Tags: ANGST with fluff

"What the fuck are you doing here" Was the phrase that came from Kelvin's lips when he saw that woman standing at the door of the house that he had shared with you for two months, a house that, inside, he considered his own.

Not only was he not expected her, not even here, so far from Dallas, but his heart and mind had been instantly filled with an amalgamation of feelings and thoughts that gave him an immediate headache, while he thought why, his ex-fianc��e, was there, wondering how the hell she had found him. The melancholy of seeing the face that he had loved so much, but which now caused him a visceral disgust, fused with anger and revulsion, the betrayal burning in his chest, the pain she had caused him.

"I came to talk to you" The girl said, with a sweet tone, casually looking in through the opening in the door.

"There's nothing to talk about" He saw her eyes and closed the door behind him, so she wouldn't peek where she didn't belong "Our conversations died the day you decided to sleep with Andre"

"But you have to take care of your son, Robert..." She played with the hem of her dress as if she were an innocent child. "You are already healthy enough to take responsibility for..."

"Is not my son!" He interrupted her, annoyed. "Unless your pregnancy lasted a year, it's not mine."

"Andre doesn't want to take responsibility!" She approached him, her eyes pleading him. “You were always responsible! You're not going to leave me alone with this, are you?"

"Why the hell would I own up to your mistakes?" He rubbed his frown, between annoyed by how she treated him and pained by his headache.

"Because you love me" She smiled, touching his chest with a seductive air "You always loved me, you wanted to marry me... You can still if you want..."

"You are insane, Daphne!" He removed her hand from his chest, disgusted. “I may be a good person, but I'm not an idiot! I don't love you, trash, and I'm absolutely in love with someone else! I wouldn't love you again even if you were the last woman in the world, you damn treacherous harpy!"

"Watch your language, Keaton!" She slapped him quite hard, close to his ear.

Kelvin's ears had been overly sensitive since the accident, so that hit really hurt, worsening his headache, while the beeping he heard brought back memories of the island, when sometimes, between his deafness, he could only hearing that high-pitched, constant, demon-like sound in his head that would go on for days and drive him to the brink of madness.

He crouched lower, dropping to one knee on the floor, closing his eyes, pain mingling with trauma, images reverberating like explosions in his head that pulsed in time with his heart.

Daphne tried to approach him, but you, who had seen everything from the inside, came out, with the look of a serial killer, to push her aside rather savagely and kneel beside him, gently touching his forehead.

"Kel..." You called him in a low voice to not make his headache worse "Calm down... I am here... Open your eyes, focus" You noticed him breathing quickly, a sign that he was about to have a panic attack "You're safe, calm down honey... Do your list of boring things, come on, yes?

"Kell?" Daphne looked at you, incredulous “Honey? Are you his girlfriend?" She laughed slightly, as if you were a small thing. "You've really lowered your standards, Robert... she's pretty ugly."

You looked at her, acidly, even with your hand on his head. Yes, she was spectacularly beautiful, her angelic face and porcelain skin, her clear eyes, her reddish-brown hair that fell in waves like a lion's mane, exaggeratedly firm feminine attributes, slim and precious. She was an enhanced Instagram model. But she was also a heartless bitch.

“Daphne…” You hissed, furious, hating her more than a mutant “Do you like being pretty? Wouldn't you like me to cut the skin off your face into strips or scalp you?" You saw her get a little scared by your words "Kelvin is not the only ex-soldier here, and I swear I can render you unrecognizable using just a nail clipper... So if you don't want to see my bad side, you better bring your pompous fitness ass back to Dallas and never go anywhere near MY boyfriend again"

"W-what?" She stepped back a bit. She was expected that her Robert would be the one with the most balls in that relationship, his now girlfriend was not expected to have that level of sadism. Robert was a cub and you were the blood-soaked wolf.

"It seems I'm not speaking clearly enough." You took your butterfly knife out of your pocket and made a graceful move before showing her the sharp blade in a clear threat of what would happen if she stayed there.

The ex-fiancée did a mini-jump before running off. You were someone she should never bother.

Still angry, you put your knife away, holding Kelvin better and helping him into the house while you heard him mumble a list of technical things, in his task of controlling his panic attack. You gently sat him on the couch, sitting very close to him, rubbing his back, holding him.

"How are you feeling, honey?" You searched his eyes, speaking to him tenderly “What do you need? You can tell me?"

"Migraine," He murmured, squeezing his eyes shut.

You stood up immediately, turning off the lights and the music was playing in the background, closing the curtains, making sure the place was dark, before reaching for his migraine meds and a glass of cool water. You approached him, watching him take it quickly while you took a cooling gel from the fridge.

“Flashbacks?” You spoke in a low voice, gently supporting the cold gel on the back of his neck, knowing that most of his pain originated there. "Panic?"

"They... are leaving..." He breathed slowly, to control his thoughts and heart.

"Good boy" You tenderly kissed his temple "How is your ear?"

“It hurts a bit…” He took your hand firmly, “Nest, please?”

"Of course, honey, come here"

“Nest” was a code word that both of you had developed during those months, when either of you had flashbacks, or when your brains were particularly out of whack. It meant that they needed to snuggle up, rest on each other's chest, stop everything you did, for a moment and focus, to come down to the ground.

You leaned back along the couch, noticing how he leaned against you, his head resting on your chest. You gently held the cold gel to the nape of his neck, while he firmly grasped your free hand, intertwining with your fingers, as if was a way to remind him that he was safe.

"I'm s-sorry, m-my love..." He sighed, somewhere between hurt, tired and emotionally unbalanced.

"Calm down honey... I know you can't control the trauma, I can't either" You moved the gel to another point on his head.

"It's n-n-not... it's not t-t-that..." He buried his face a little in your chest "I'm t-t-t-talking about... I'm s-sorry that you... that you h-had to..." He tapped his foot lightly on the couch, frustrated "Stupid... m-mouth..."

"A knot?" You heard him nod "Okay, don't stress... We can talk later"

“Knot” was another code word you had invented. When Kelvin suffered a lot of mental wear and tear, or stress, or was under too many traumatic memories, his ability to speak would worsen, to the point of stuttering, not remembering words, or getting so slack that he seemed to not know what to say. You called that a “knot”, an agile way of giving notice that he wasn't suffering from something serious, that it was just that temporary verbal incapacity. Although that frustrated him, sometimes to the point of making him cry.

"Does it still hurt?" You heard your boyfriend deny, so you put the cold gel aside and focused on combing it gently.

"Thank y-you..." He started to sob, tired but grateful "For taking c-c-care of... me"

"I'll always take care of you and you know it, dear" You kissed his head.

Kelvin let go of your hand so he could hug your waist, squeezing you, rubbing his face firmly against your chest, anguished, searching for your warmth and scent, his ropes that pulled him out of the darkness.

You hugged him too, holding him as close as you could, knowing that it healed his heart as much as yours.

P17

[beloved-calypso]

・ ゜ ʚɞ ゜ ゜𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖉𝖔 𝖕𝖊𝖔𝖕𝖑𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖐 𝖔𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖛𝖔𝖎𝖈𝖊?♡ ・ ゜ ʚɞ ゜ ゜‎♡‧₊˚✧ ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ✧˚₊‧♡

♡“𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝓊𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝓋𝑜𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓇𝑔𝒶𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓁.” ~ 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝓇𝓎 𝒲𝒶𝒹𝓈𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒽 𝐿𝑜𝓃𝑔𝒻𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌♡

All pictures and gifs are not mine but belong to their original artists. ♡

I. -> II. -> III. -> IIII.

ɪꜰ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ʜᴀꜱ ꜱᴜɢɢᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ꜰᴏʀ a ᴘɪᴄᴋ-ᴀ-ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ, ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴘᴜᴛ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛꜱ ʙᴇʟᴏᴡ! ᴀʟꜱᴏ, ɪ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴢᴇ ɪɴ ᴀᴅᴠᴀɴᴄᴇ ɪꜰ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴏʀ ᴘᴜɴᴄᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴍɪꜱᴛᴀᴋᴇꜱ. ᴇɴɢʟɪꜱʜ ɪꜱ ᴍʏ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ. ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜱᴜᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ɪᴛ.

~ XOXO 💋🎀

౿૮꒰ྀི pile 1 ๑◞꒱ა

KNIGHT OF SWORDS (RX), 3 OF SWORDS, THE TOWER (RX)

Pile 1, ya'll are slow and thoughtful speakers. You are very mindful about what you say, and you are very aware of the power words can carry, hence why you speak with caution. Your voice may be thin and reedy by how many swords cards are here. It could also be high-pitched but more mature sounding. By the way you talk, people perceive you as an intellectual. Do you like poetry? You have a big, almost poetic vernacular. Your words sound almost melancholic. You speak with a lot of emotion and are very forthcoming with what you feel. You may vent a lot or express your emotions through writing. I feel like you're a great storyteller. You know just how much inflection and drama to put into your voice to draw attention and establish an atmosphere. I also think you use your words to heal. People find your voice very soothing and your words important. They trust that you would speak the truth. You may play therapists with a lot of people. People like to vent to you and sometimes seek your counsel because its likely you've felt what they have at one point.

⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧

౿૮꒰ྀི pile 2 ๑◞꒱ა

2 OF WANDS (RX), THE EMPEROR, 4 OF CUPS (RX)

Prominent fire energy here Pile 2. The emperor sticks out most to me. Your voice may be deeper than most, almost carrying masculine qualities (nothing wrong with that, I loooovvvee deep voices. Ya'll are natural seductresses). It could also be that there are a few men in this pile. Your voice is perceived as commanding and powerful. You mean what you say, and you don't usually speak if you have nothing substantial to say. People are likely more to do what you say or take your advice. Unlike pile 1, it's almost hard to read the tone of your voice. It may sometimes be perceived as flat and bored, only because you don't like to be forthcoming with your emotions. People want to confide in you because they find you to be a wise and honest speaker. I think you can easily hurt people if you don't watch your words, and that may contribute to witholding your advice sometimes. You dont sugarcoat, which is a good thing. People think you keep a lot to yourself, but your words are rich in wisdom and meaning.

⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧

౿૮꒰ྀི pile 3 ๑◞꒱ა

THE EMPRESS, 4 OF CUPS, THE WORLD

Pile 3 I think people perceive your voice as being very soft and feminine. You have a good way of speaking to people. People think you speak with eloquence and proper etiquette. Your voice may be high-pitched, but not childlike. You may be apathetic to other people's attention because you're so focused on what you got going on. It's like people would love to hear you speak and hear what you have to say, but you prefer to keep to yourself. People may daydream about starting a conversation with you. People may assume that you come from an affluent family and you've received a well-rounded education that's made your vocabulary and way with words so prim and proper. You're a good public speaker and sound quite charming. People feel you have a lot of knowledge to share. I think your voice could be especially helpful in your career.

⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧

౿૮꒰ྀི pile 4 ๑◞꒱ა

5 OF CUPS REVERSED (RX), 2 OF PENTACLES, 6 OF SWORDS, KNIGHT OF WANDS

I think your voice can vary in your mood. It can go from low pitch to high pitch, and people can tell what you're feeling when you speak. I see you going through a personal transition and wanting to change peoples perceptions of you. I think you may have sounded quiet in the past. Maybe you were going through a hard time and were withdrawing from most people, but you want to come back louder and stronger as ever. You're releasing things from the past that may have stifled you and your voice. You'll be saying whats on your mind and saying them with confidence and energy. You want to be more social and outgoing, and I see you succeeding! You're trying to find more balance in your life and going on new adventures. Possibly, you'll be traveling soon. Your voice now sounds young and brims with passion. I think your voice revitalizes people, gives them high energy, and is infectious when you laugh or sing.

⊱┈───── ✧

ᴀɴʏ ᴄʀɪᴛɪᴄɪꜱᴍꜱ ᴏʀ ꜰᴇᴇᴅʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇᴅ. ɪ'ᴍ ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʙʟᴏɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴍ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴꜱ ᴀꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ɪᴍᴘʀᴏᴠᴇ ɪᴛ. ♡

ᴅɪꜱᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀs

© lolita-bonita — Please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my work on other social media platforms without my permission. This is the only platform that I post this type of content. If you see my work being posted anywhere else, please kindly report them to me.♡

⊱┈───── ✧

✨️ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: Tarot is not an exact science, nor can it produce information that is factually true. All things posted are alleged and for entertainment purposes only. The future is fluid, and what may happen is based on your choices and actions, not what I and a deck of cards say. You are still the creator of your future. ✨️

[randomizen00217]

What the NCT Dream Boys are like when getting fucked (by a penis or a strap-on)

Mark

He’s the “soundy” one. Fucking him means getting a variety of sounds, from low guttural moans to high-pitched pleasurable screams. In terms of stamina, Mark would be on the medium to high end so he’s perfect for those who like to fuck long and hard. If you’re a first time top, he may be the right one to fuck first as he is happy to teach you all the ins and outs of pegging or fucking if he has the time to do so.

Your chances of getting fucked by him after fucking him: For those of you who’d like to be fucked by him after fucking him, take it easy on him first. Some days though, he just has loads of stamina for whatever reason. On those days, he can be fucked hard and then switch to hard dom mode on you if you wish.

Special trait/s: He has a mommy/daddy kink.

Renjun

He’s the princely one. Renjun likes to be treated like a delicate little prince by his partner. One of his favorite pre-fucking things is being fucked by a vibrator (almost any kind), so keep that in mind. He’s probably not the best guide for first time butt fuckers, but if he’s in the mood, he will teach you. On another note, if you have a crossdressing kink, that's good news, as he will let you fuck him in almost any kind of feminine clothing.

Your chances of getting fucked by him after fucking him: The chances aren't that good. It is possible for him to fuck you after you fuck him if he's well-rested and has been relaxed for most of the day. Unless he's having angry sex without you, don't expect him to fuck you rough after he got fucked.

Special trait/s: He likes messy (though not unclean) sex. Make sure you're clean before having sex with him. He also likes having after-sex showers with his sexual partner/s (regardless of his role in sex).

Jeno

He’s the wolf one (in a good way). I mean to say that sex with him is usually uninhibited. Jeno likes it rough most of the time, so I hope you have quite a bit of stamina. If you’re more of a submissive top who likes to follow the lead of the one they’re fucking, he’s the guy to go for. He can be a bottom who likes to tell you where to go if you’re into that. Like a good captain, he will tell you the ins and outs of butt fucking if you’re new to it. His special kink is pet play, so he’s the guy to go for if you want to fuck a guy while he’s wearing dog or cat ears. Be prepared to cuddle after fucking him, this man loves to cuddle after sex.

Your chances of getting fucked by him after fucking him: He is the guy to go to if you want to be fucked by a guy after fucking him. Be warned though, his reputation of being good with his dick is well-earned. You may be the one who fucked him first, but by the time he's done with you, you may be the small spoon who needs the aftercare because of how rough he can be.

Special trait/s: An interesting thing about him is that he’s into swallowing cum. If you're AFAB (assigned female at birth), he's great at eating pussy.

Haechan

He’s the whiny one. He loves to make noises during sex but you’ll be hearing more high pitched sounds than you would with the other members. Haechan is a certified brat who can piss you off on purpose, so you can be rougher than you are with most people when you fuck him.

Your chances of getting fucked by him after fucking him: The chances are decent. You probably will end up surprised by which days he'll allow you to do this though.

Special trait/s: He likes threesomes and orgies (often with his friends). He also secretly has a mommy/daddy kink and a degradation kink.

Jaemin

He’s the picky one. Your hygiene better be good before you fuck him, as nothing turns him off more than bad hygiene. He is very clean, so he expects the same from you. If you can meet the hygienic part, you have an amazing subby boy to fuck. He may not have much to work with in the butt department but if you have a penis, you will happily enjoy how good he is at using his butt to make you feel pleasure. He also loves to be called a pretty boy while being fucked. On another note, if you prefer a very explicit or stricter (by the book) teacher when it comes to learning how to peg or top a man, he’s the guy to go for.

Your chances of getting fucked by him after fucking him: The chances are near 50/50 as to whether or not this will happen. Don't expect rough sex after fucking him though.

Special trait/s: He loves doing roleplay. His favorite types of roleplay are doctor-patient and professor-student roleplay. He has a breeding kink so prepare to breed and/or be bred by him.

Chenle

He’s the cutest one. He makes lots of nice sounds when being fucked, sometimes to the point his moans sound higher than most women’s. If you like fucking men dressed in women’s clothes, he’s the guy to go to. Unfortunately, he’s probably not the best teacher for first time peggers or tops.

Your chances of getting fucked by him after fucking him: The chances are near 50/50 as well.

Special trait/s: He usually prefers to fuck before getting fucked. On another note, he likes role play. One of his favorite kinds of roleplay is that you are his maid or butler who has the special duty of making him cum when he needs it.

Jisung

He’s the surprising one. Not many people know this about him, but he is a true verse who more or less equally likes being dominant and being submissive. He also has a high stamina, highest stamina in NCT Dream actually. Therefore, he’s the best if you’d like a really long pegging or fucking session. Unfortunately, he’s not the best teacher for a first timer.

Your chances of getting fucked by him after fucking him: Not high.

Special trait/s: His mindset is to be better, if not as good as the one who fucked him. This may sometimes end up like a consented punishment for you if he thinks you were being bratty when he was the one getting fucked. Like let’s say you fuck him in the butt really well. When it’s your turn to get fucked, he will say “I’ll do better than you did me”. He delivers on this promise usually. He has a huge praise kink so please give him lots of loving words.

[ace-of-sspades]

Trans masc tips.

just because I’ve been researching and figuring a lot out and I wanted to share.

Disclaimer for this whole thing. You’re identity is valid regardless of how you present and really masculine and feminine things don’t even exists. Gender is a social construct. But here are tips to present more traditionally masculine, at least in my experience and for my body. Also I am non-binary so I don’t really try to pass as a man, just as not a girl, and I am 17 and not out to my family so I’m sure that will effect my advice.

Clothing

- Cloths that are tight around your arms/wrists or ankles at the cuff. It makes your limbs look bigger. Like sinched pants or rolling your sleeves.

- In general stuff that’s tight on the shoulders and baggy around your waist

- Tucking your shirt in can help make your figure look more square

- Darker shirts are sliming and help eliminate any shadow from your chest. Also they hide binders better

- Baggy pants, especially around the thighs. Try to avoid skinny jeans.

- In general layers!! And things with high collars.

- Wearing stuff across your brow line!!!!! Like a hat worn flat across your forehead or a bandana. It makes your face look more angular. This is a saving grace.

Make up

- Okay I know it sounds counter intuitive but it can really help. I suck at make up and these things have helped me so you don’t have to know what your doing. Also you can use a bronzer a darker foundation or even brown eyeshadow, all of it works.

- Contour your jaw!!! It’s barely every noticeable even if you use a lot of contour and it makes your jaw look so much sharper. If you have a butt chin even slightly, adding some there helps a lot, and at the corners of your jaw under your ears.

- Okay so these next tips take more subtlety. But contour your nose, just along the sides and under the tip. It helps give your face depth.

- Also put some in the crease of your eye near your nose, just a little because too much here will look like eyeshadow.

- You can also do your cheek bones and your temple but be careful because if you put too much it’s very noticeable.

- I have thick and dark eyebrows already so I don’t usually do anything to them but mascara does make them look thicker. I recommend using clear mascara or sometimes I’ll rub my black mascara on my arm to get the majority off and then use it on my eyebrows just to give them more volume. It can be tricky to do this without making it obvious. Also putting some darker eyeshadow over them can fill in any gaps and make them look thicker.

Voice

- This is tricky but sometimes I get dysphoria over having a too feminine voice, I really want an androgynous voice and here’s how I’ve at least made myself feel better about it. Idk if anyone else can tell a difference but still.

- I know nothing about singing or pitch or whatever but,,, singing in the car to songs with male vocalists really helps. It’s not even about harmonizing, and I suck at singing but even just talking the words helps. Plus if you feel weird practicing alone in your room or while you talk to someone this is a perfect fix because odds are you already sing when your alone in your car and no one will hear you.

- The most important thing is try to emulate the quality of the vocalists voice. Like say the words the way they do, over time this gives you more control over what your voice sounds like. A lot of male voices echo more or are heavier sounding and this is a way to get your voice to do that.

- Try to lower your voice if you can, it can help to say ahhh and then go deeper and try to speak at that level. But don’t try to lower your voice and scream because it h u r t s.

- Also trying your best to sit up straight and take a deep breath before you speak helps quite a bit.

- Your vocal cords are muscles, so the more you practice the easier it’ll be to control the quality and depth of your voice.

- Finally, don’t damage your voice to make it sound more masculine. I’ve done it before, I’d yell really loud to a song and be happy when my voice is horse after but it does damage your vocal cords so try not to.

Body language

- Take. Up. Space!!! Sit with your legs wider and your shoulders back. If you cross your legs do it with one shin over the other thigh not at the ankles.

- Walk in two lines not one. Like try not to put one foot directly in front of the other when you walk. Also your best to keep your shoulders and hips straight and even.

- Standing try to keep your weight even don’t lean on one foot.

- Keep your hand movements deliberate and try not to fidget.

- Also real quick, work out tips. Focus on your shoulders and arm!!! Tricep, pecs, lats, deltoids, biceps. Adding as much mass to these as possible will help immensely. Also working forearms will help make your veins more prominent.

Hair

- If you can’t cut it short that’s okay!! Tying it back in a messy low bun helps a lot. Before I cut my hair I did this all the time and I felt like hozier

- Also curtain bangs! If you’re closeted they still are perceived as totally feminine. But if you wear a beanie or a hood they give you the appearance of short hair.

- If you can cut your hair, try not to fall into the trap of “I must shave my head”. Some people can totally pull it off and obviously if you’ve always wanted too go for it! But it might not help you pass. Short hair exposes your jaw line a lot more. And AFAB jaws are normally a lot softer than AMAB jaws. I recommend cutting your hair in stages, just to see what looks best.

- Jaw length or mid ear length works as masculine too! And it can help add depth to your face. I have a pretty soft jaw and my hair currently looks kinda like JD from Heathers and it works pretty well.

- Hair is honestly very tricky and there’s really no way to get a completely masc hair cut. But in general longer on the top and shorter on the sides works well.

- Honestly my biggest tip for teenage trans masc folks is to find a hair dresser/barber that doesn’t cut your hair to look feminine. Like the family hairdresser you’ve been going too since you were 5? They definitely have an idea of what you should look like and will add their own touch. And if you’re not out to your parents it’s hard to come out to a family hairdresser. My recommendation is do some research and find a place nearby that cuts men and women’s hair, that way you don’t have to worry about passing enough to get into an only men’s barbershop, but they’ll still know how to cut men’s hair. Either way definitely go to someone new, and if you can ask specifically for a men’s hair cut.

Anyway there’s my tips. Feel free to add, and sorry this is kinda a long post lol. I’ve been compiling this for months and I hope it can help someone.

[rubbish78]

Heyyyyyyyyy you guys wanna read another my short ass slightly slutty (tiny bit) Ghoul/Poison fic?

(It is on aO3 but not posting the link just ask because keekjejejd I’m shy about my other stories but you could probably find this if you wanted to also I was writing nonbinary Poison)

Anyways...........here you go:

Jumping onto the kitchen counter and landing on his butt, Fun Ghoul also pulled his lover, Party Poison, in between his legs. Wrapping his arms around them, he mouthed at their neck, sucking and licking the hot salty skin. Tasted like the desert, so damn good.

Reciprocating, Poison held on to his hips and played with Ghoul’s dusty jean belt loops with their index fingers. They also grinded against Ghoul’s crotch, feeling both their half-hard erections begin to grow between their pants. An animistic moan vibrated against the skin of their throat as Ghoul began to rut against them as well.

The two Killjoys were alone for the most part, everyone was out on a run at the moment, yet they still sneaked into the back of the diner's chaotic kitchen like they had something to hide. Pretty much everyone knew about them, mostly, well not the public or definitely not BLI .

“I know ya think I’m kiddin','' Fun Ghoul abruptly whispered into Poison’s ear, referring back to their earlier conversation. Easing back against the dirty metal cupboards, he cupped Poison’s feminine face with his dirty fingerless leather-gloved hands. “But c'mon Poison, have I ever kid about gettin' ink?”

The evidence was everywhere, Ghoul was covered head to toe with various tattoos, getting to the point he hardly had any plain skin left. His cute boyish face remained untouched…for now and he would probably never get one either but he never let Poison know that just so he could continue teasing them about it since Poison was furiously against it. Nah, he just wanted to ink the left side of his neck now since it felt kind of blank compared to the right side of his neck, which had a scorpion with the wrong amount of legs. It had been his first tattoo and was too excited to even notice the legs.

Poison chuckled low, lifting a hand to card through Ghoul’s greasy ebony colored hair and gazed lovingly into his warm brown eyes.

“Trust me, I know you’re not kidding, I��m actually taking your request quite seriously.”

“So you like?” Ghoul happily beamed, caressing Poison’s face with his thumbs about to plant a kiss on their lips. “I knew you would, so I got—

“Not exactly,” Poison interrupted Ghoul, who frowned a little and dropped his hands to their shoulders. “I just think…you haven’t fully thought it through, like maybe something not so whore-ish?”

“Whore-ish?” Ghoul repeated, almost breaking into hysterical laughter, shaking his head. “Really? Okay. That’s hilarious coming from you.”

“Ah! How dare you!” Poison broke away from him, spinning around in a dramatic manner and ramming into the broken rusty oven, which hadn’t cooked a meal in this diner for years. The oven let out an alarming hissing noise and Poison let a high pitched shriek out before jumping up on the counter next to Ghoul, holding onto him like the oven was gonna explode.

Anticlimactically, the oven door just slammed opened and coughed out dust.

Poison’s grip on Ghoul relaxed and mumbled, “Thought you might have put a bomb in there as a joke or something.”

“Yeah that does sound like me,” Ghoul smirked, deviously. “Good idea for next time, huh? Maybe I’ll try it on Kobra.”

Poison snorted, rolling their eyes and pushed aside Ghoul’s long hair behind his left ear. Staring at the canvas of skin Ghoul wanted to ink before tenderly kissing it. “I can come up with way better ideas,” Poison murmured into his skin. “Let me draw some things up.”

“Wait, first I gotta hear why you think my idea is whore(ish),” Ghoul retorted, genuinely curious. Gripping Poison’s delicate chin, he turned his face to the side and licked the shell of his ear. “I mean come on, if anyone is a whore it’s you—

Letting out a let loud mock offended gasp, Poison playfully smacked Ghoul across the face as if they were one of those actors performing a fake slap onstage. Ghoul half-laughed, half-aroused tried to grab his flailing arms as they mimicked a distressed southern debutante: “Well, I have never been accused of such debauchery in my life!” Fanning their face, they dramatically sighed in Ghoul’s arms. “How will I ever get a good marriage match now with vicious rumors like that spreading around the zones?”

“Ain’t rumors if they are true, sweetheart,” Ghoul teased back in an equally horrible southern drawl. “Now why don’t you put that pretty mouth to good use?” Ghoul fumbled with a pocket on his vest before unexpectedly pulling out a tube of lipstick.

Poison stopped thrashing his body around and dropped the horrible accent. “Wow okay…. you came prepared, you weirdo.”

Ghoul cracked a small smile and shrugged, handing him the tube of lipstick.

Poison took the cap off, finding the lipstick to be the same color as their neon red hair. The lipstick had definitely been used before as it was worn down to almost a nub but most things they found in the desert were broken or used.

“You really want this?”

“Yeah because I’m a whore.”

“Okay maybe “whore-ish” wasn’t the right word,” Poison bashfully admitted, as they played with the lipstick, twisting the tube up and down. “It’s like ugh, uhhh how do I say this uhhhhh…...”

Ghoul raised an eyebrow.

“Like I don’t know, people might interpret it as you being straight.”

If Ghoul was a cartoon his eyebrow would have raised off his forehead into the air.

“I don’t know, it’s something a twenty year old drunk girl would get, y’know?”

“Okay, okay now I’m lost,” Ghoul chuckled in confusion. “So it’s gay then if I got it then?”

“Like ahhhh no!” Poison shook their head, lifting a hand to rub their eyes. Embarrassed, they looked through his fingers at Ghoul. “I mean a girl might get it because it’s aesthetically cute, but boys might get to show off how much they get laid.”

Chuckling, Ghoul took Poison’s hands in his own. “Okay I get what you’re saying...kind of.” Taking the lipstick tube from Poison, he uncapped it and began applying on Poison’s lips, who hesitantly puckered their lips. “As soon as anyone sees you standing next to me they will connect the fucking dots.” He then fished out his pair of aviator sunglasses from a vest pocket and held them up so Poison could see their own reflection of their beautiful red lips.

“But it’s not for anyone else anyways,” Ghoul continued, beaming at Poison who seemed to really like the look on themself. “It’s for me and...fuck, you look hot.”

“Shut up,” Poison blushed, face getting dangerously close to his hair color. “Fine whatever, hold still!” Moving Fun Ghoul’s hair aside, they kissed the left side of his neck and lingered there trying to leave the perfect kiss mark.

Ghoul knew the kiss mark was probably gonna get messed up by the time Show Pony got here with the needles and ink because he was planning to kiss them everywhere but he loved the novelty of the act

“You happy?” they snapped after pulling away, however; lovingly played and twirled with Ghoul’s hair.

“Always with you.”

[soyeahitsmiddleearth]

Multi-Dimensional pt. 3

The Company x Reader

The dwarves and Bilbo discuss what they overheard and try to find out how to deal with it, and you give some wanted answers.

Trigger warnings: talks of domestic/animal abuse and bad puns.

@barbar126​

After that incident with Erick, you didn't come back down for the rest of the night. 

There were a few that wanted to go up and speak with you and offer immediate comfort, but Balin urged against it. 

"We heard what happened! The lass is torn up about it, we should do something!" Dwalin argues, getting some nods of agreement from others like Kili, Ori, and Gloin (a few others too). 

"No, did you see her face? She was mortified. We should give her a chance to calm down instead of berating her the moment she doesn't come down." Balin shoots back, shaking his head, "I see where you come from, brother, but I would urge against it." 

"Well, we can't just let her suffer by herself! She's taken care of us for free for days, and now we're sitting back and waiting like a bunch of idiots." Kili counters, arms crossed over his chest. He looks to his brother for support, flicking his head toward Balin to make him say something.

Fili shakes his head, though, reaching up to rub his chin, "No Kili, I think Balin is right. If we go barging in right now, we may only push her further away." 

"Exactly." The older dwarf agrees, clapping Fili on the back. 

"But he put his hands on her!" Ori reminds in a slightly high-pitched voice. He's not very keen on getting in the middle of these arguments. "We need to make sure he didn't hurt her..."

They go on arguing back and forth for a little while until Thorin finally speaks up with his two cents (and by that I mean decision). 

"Silence." He demands, making everyone quiet down. 

Once he's sure he has everyone's attention, he speaks again, "We must give her a chance to come down from this state she's in. We heard the vile things he spoke of and can only guess about what she and her Copper have had to endure, so it is important that we treat this situation carefully." It seems he's agreeing with Balin, much to the dismay of the opposite side. "A few hours to a day should be sufficient. Enough time to gather herself, but not too much that it seems we are ignoring it." 

Not all of them agree, but they don't argue either.

"What about supper? She needs to eat." Gloin states, scratching at his red beard while he speaks. 

"We will have Master Baggins bring her food later on." 

"W-Why me?" Bilbo stutters, having not said much as of yet. 

"Because you're the least overbearing of this bunch. Except perhaps Ori. You're the best option, and you're good at conversing with her." Thorin explains, nodding his head along as he spoke. It seems he agrees with himself, funnily enough. "Maybe you can bring a smile to her grim face." 

---

Unfortunately, you did not come down at all the next day either. The food Bilbo brought you remained outside your door and there was no movement or sound that anyone could hear from outside your door. 

The only sign that anyone was even in the room is when you opened the door to let all your animals out that next morning. 

You knew the dwarves and Bilbo would feed your animals, they did it themselves as is, so you didn't worry about them going hungry or anything like that. And you gave them access to the entirety of your kitchen so they won't starve either. 

When you still hadn't come down by the next night, all the dwarves (and Bilbo) came together once more to deliberate. 

"It's been a day like you said, uncle. She hasn't been down, nor has she eaten anything. So I really think we should do something." Kili started, looking up the stairs then back at the rest of them. "I'm worried." 

Dwalin nods along with Kili's words and crosses his arms over his chest, "The lad is right. We waited like you said, so now let us do it our way." 

Balin groans and shakes his head, lifting up a hand to show he's going to say something. "No. I don't know what you're thinking, but the answer is no." 

"Well good thing I'm not asking you, then." Dwalin growls, sending a glare to his brother. 

"She hasn't come down, so she doesn't want to speak of it. It's simple. We need to give it more time." Bofur urges when Balin nudges him, looking over to Thorin for support. 

Thorin doesn't say anything, though it does seem like he's thinking about it seriously. "I'm not yet sure." 

The uncertainty of Thorin prompts Kili to press further and exclaim, "So you think that I could be correct, then! It isn't right that we get her free care and do nothing in return, for all we know she's waiting for us to approach her about it first."

"Kili, that's a very big assumption. What if you're wrong and we only upset her further?" Fili challenges, shaking his head in disagreement, "We can't act so brashly on an 'if'. We need to be sure." 

Kili glares at his brother, refusing to back down, "So you want to just wait around and give the impression that we don't give a damn?" He's beginning to sound increasingly angrier, and this only makes Fili more irritated. 

"You know that's not what I mean. You're acting just as impulsive and emotional as usual, and it's really going to get us into trouble if you don't think clearly." Fili keeps his tone even and voice calm, but he knows his words only make Kili bristle. 

"Impulsive and emotional? Are you saying that we shouldn't treat this situation with emotion? That we should be cold and apathetic towards her when she's done nothing but care for the lot of us? Including your beardless rear!" 

Fili glares at him heatedly and opens his mouth to argue back, but he's cut off by Bilbo clearing his throat and piping up slightly awkwardly, "Well if you were to ask me, I'd say we give it to tomorrow morning, and then all go see her with breakfast. That way she doesn't have to worry about the lot of us tonight, and can have the day tomorrow to recollect her thoughts." 

There is silence after Bilbo speaks his piece, everyone seeming to think it over, before Thorin nods his head. "Yes, that sounds like a good plan. Bombur can prepare her a nice meal and you and a few others can visit her. Too many of us at once will surely overwhelm her." 

He gets 14 collective nods, some hesitant, and is glad to see everyone finally agreeing (mostly) on something. The raven-haired king goes to say something else, but before he can get a word out a soft, feminine voice halts him. 

"What are you all doing...?" 

14 pairs of eyes snap up to the top of the stairs at the speed of light, and lo and behold there you are. 

You could hear the commotion from your room and you got a bit concerned, so you decided to step out and make sure everything was okay, only to see them all huddled together and discussing something seemingly important. 

The state of you gives them a pause. You look tired and a little pale, and from your slow movements it appears you're not feeling the best either. Your eyes are sad but also curious, and your eyebrows are knitted together since it seems you're trying to figure out what's going on with them. The t-shirt your wear is disheveled as if you've only just gotten up, and your fluffy pink and white polka dotted PJ bottoms are hanging low on your hips and the legs are touching the ground since they're sagging so much. Midnight is also nestled in your arms, upright with her paws sticking out and face pressed against your chest, and there is darkened skin around your wrists where you were grabbed.

Nobody says anything for a solid minute because they're all just staring at you with shock on their faces. 

"Guys?" You call, slowly heading down the stairs with careful steps and a slightly worried expression, "I heard yelling..." 

Fili and Kili exchange a guilty look but don't say anything, and you only begin to feel more awkward. 

"We didn't mean to disturb you." Bilbo states, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Instead of answering your questions, he asks, "Y/N, h-how are you feeling?"

Gosh, you really don't want to be asked that. But given all the worried and questioning expression's you're getting, you have to reply. 

And your approach is denial! 

"I'm fine of course. Why wouldn't I be?" You sound a bit more defensive than you meant too, but don't correct yourself. 

The little hobbit looks surprised by your reply and he glances up at Thorin with an odd expression on his face before looking back at you, "Well... because of what happened the day before. You haven't been down nor have you eaten anything since then." 

You look away and stop at the last step of the stairs, hugging Midnight a bit closer to your chest. "You don't have to worry about me just because I'm helping you out." Ever since Erick you've been the master of pushing away others and ignoring your own needs, and it seems that hasn't gotten any better. "You have no obligation to me, so it's fine. I'm perfectly fine." 

"W-What?" He splutters, completely bewildered by your cold words. "It's not that! None of us feel obligated! Right?" He looks back at everyone else who all begin to nod along when Bilbo looks to them for help. Oin doesn't but it's only because he can't quite hear them. 

"Bilbo is right. We don't ask for your well-being out of 'obligation', we ask because of all we heard." Thorin says to back up the hobbit, placing a hand down on his shoulder. "We just want to know if you are well." 

You walk off the final step and don't say anything, thinking over their words while you bring Midnight to the play-house-scratching post thing by the couch so she can play. 

She hops out of your arms and goes into one of the little compartments, peering out at you as she gets comfortable.

Animals are so uncomplicated. They're sweet and innocent, and they don't require anything from you other than proper care and love. They don't ask questions, don't take advantage of you, and definitely don't make you uncomfortable. 

Talking about your problems has never been your strong suit, and so you can't help but to feel anxious about dealing with this. 

Your stiff posture relaxes a bit but you don't turn to face them. "You're right, I'm sorry." A slightly shaky hand reaches up to pet Midnights head as you rack your brain for anything else to say other than a lame sorry, but you come up blank. 

"You needn't apologize!" Bilbo exclaims, padding over to look up at you. His voice is soft when he speaks, and there's a fair deal of empathy in his expression, "If anything we should be sorry for listening in on something we were not meant to, and then not doing anything when you were in trouble." 

Slowly you look down at the hobbit, brows knitted together and lip drawn between your teeth as you listen to him. "No... I told you not to come out." You shake your head and step away from the cat tower, diverting your gaze from Bilbo to look at the wall, "That was my choice, and I dealt with the problem, more or less." 

"Well, yes you did. And we stood by and listened and waited behind a wall like a bunch of cowards." Dwalin speaks up gruffly, he had been one of the ones moving around to go give that bastard a piece of his mind (one of them, there were many), "It would've been on our hands if something would've happened." 

His words surprise you, and when you turn and see multiple guilty and agreeing countenances, you suddenly feel worse, "Is that what you've all been doing since yesterday? Blaming yourselves?" 

Nobody meets your eyes this time around. 

A soft sigh leaves you when they remain silent, the quiet being an answer in itself, and you take a few steps forward, "You actually think I fault you for any of that? Are you nuts?" Your voice displays your shock and disbelief transparently, but your face is where the real shock is. "What happened with E... with that man is not your fault or problem in the slightest. Y-You all have barely even known me for a week and a half, so you shouldn't go feeling guilty for something like that." 

"The length of time we've known you has nothing to do with it!" The brunette nephew of Thorin says loudly, before back tracking and stating a bit more calmly, "How long you know someone doesn't dictate levels of trust and care." 

Oh, well that's pretty sweet. 

You look away again and rub your arm, tapping your foot against the floor a few times, "Well I've given you no reason to trust or care for me. F-For all you know I've already contacted someone to come and take you all away." You haven't and wouldn't dare dream of it, but they don't know that, and that's what's important. 

"You haven't." Thorin states confidently, looking at you a bit more pointedly, "I know you haven't. The thought never once passed your mind either." 

"How can you be so sure?" You shoot back, narrowing your eyes slightly. 

"Because a week is more than enough time to determine ones character, and yours is strange, yes, but also very considerate, kind, and generous." Oh boy, his words are really strumming your heart strings at the moment, "And I don't believe anyone who loves or speaks to animals as you do could be capable of malicious intent." 

Is that just a fancy way of calling you nonthreatening and gullible? Probably. Does it make you happy and flattered? Definitely. 

"Touché." You mumble, gaze sliding back over to them, "I'm sorry." 

"Stop apologizing." Thorin states, furrowing his eyebrows, "If you do not blame us, then we do not blame you." 

"Alright, alright..." 

It's quiet for a few moments, and you find your eyes locking on Butterscotch who is rubbing herself all over Balin's legs and mewling for attention. That damn attention-whore. 

"Are we allowed to ask questions about what happened?" Bofur asks suddenly, grunting when Nori elbows him hard in the side. "What?" 

You reach up and rub the back of your head, looking over at the hat wearing dwarf, "I... guess you can." The thought of talking about Erick is not the most appealing, but if you expect them to trust you then it's only fair you suppose. 

Balin, ever the darling, shakes his head and defends, "Maybe we shouldn't bother the lass too much with questions, she's only just come down after all." 

He's very thoughtful and sweet (much wiser than the rest too), and you find yourself feeling very grateful towards him, "Thank you Balin, but... it's okay. If I don't want to answer something I just wont."

"Well... are you feeling better tonight?" Ori pipes up nervously. 

You open you mouth to respond, but your stomach does that for you in the form of loud, hungry growling. As soon as that horrid noise reaches your ears you wrap an arm around your stomach, face going warm at the poor timing. 

"Oh, well of course she's hungry! A day and a half of not eating isn't good for you, lass." This time it's Bombur who speaks, and he seems to be very sympathetic over your hunger. "Let her eat before we bother her any more." 

---

That's exactly what they let you do. 

You had a nice sort of dinner (it's around 8 o'clock now), and after you ate you allowed them to ask whatever questions they wanted. 

They asked a plethora of different things, ranging from who he was to what happened between the two of you. 

It's hard explaining such a situation to so many people, male people at that, at once, but they were surprisingly good listeners. When you told them that the two of you were once 'betrothed' (as they put it) though, there was a lot more anger than you expected. Apparently such treatment of females in their culture is unacceptable and absolutely disgraceful. 

They had you elaborate on a few of the things said to you (after mostly everyone had calmed down) like why he would have any right to Copper, what a judge and suing is, and if he was actually planning on killing you and your animals. 

A lot to unload, but you answered their questions to the best of your abilities. 

When you explained how he bought Copper and gave him to you as a means to make you stay they were confused. 

"Why would you stay for the dog?" Dori wondered, not really understanding why someone would go through something bad for one animal. 

The lot of you had since settled on the couches, and Copper is laying on top of you (he's a big boy, but damn it he will be a lap dog forever). You stroked the top of his head and looked down at him, a slightly sad smile coming to your face, "He was all I had. I'd pushed away all my friends, my family, and most of the time I wasn't permitted to go out by myself. He was my only positive source of contact for a long time, and- well, I guess he's also what convinced me to leave." You squeeze him gently and look up at the ceiling, "He means a lot to me, and that's exactly why he bought him for me." 

Nobody said anything for a while after that until Bilbo asked from your left, "Is that why you became an animal caretaker?" 

"It is. Animals are a lot easier to handle than people." 

"And what is 'sue you'?" Ori inquires from his spot on the floor next to his brothers. "He said something about 'sue for assault and robbery'." 

"Well suing is when you report someone to the authorities and take them to court so you can take their money, essentially." A very vague explanation, but they don't need to worry much about it. "He wont though, because if he does then he'll have to tell them the reason I left and why he was at my house in the first place. It'll put him in a bad light." 

Your spotty definition of the justice system doesn't seem to clear their confusion much, but they don't ask about it further since it doesn't seem like it 's going to be a problem. 

At the assurance that you're not going to be prosecuted Kili feels comfortable asking you another question. "So if he will not report you, then he won't actually kill you or your animals either then, right? It was just stated to bother you?"

His question, though innocent and looking for affirmation, makes you unconsciously wince and your expression grim, "No... he's definitely going to kill me." You're not 100% sure why you thought it was a good idea to say it like that, but it seems your response has successfully put them all in a panic. 

"W-Wait, he's actually going to kill you?" Kili asks in alarm. 

Before you can retract your statement and clarify, there's more yelling. 

"So he's going to come back and try to hurt 'er?" 

"What are we going to do about this?"

"We can't let that happen, uncle!" 

"What? What is everyone sayin'?" That one was Oin, the poor deaf dear. 

"Hey!" You yell, startling Copper who is half covering your body with his still. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that." 

"So he isn't going to kill you?" Ori says, a bit panicky still. 

You reach up and rub the back of your head, trying to find the right words. "The likelihood of him coming back and causing problems is... high, and he may try to murder me, but it's possible that he won't. So you don't need to worry." 

You just get 14 blank stares in response. 

"No offense Y/N, but that's daft." Bilbo is the sass master apparently, because he doesn't pull any punches. "How can you speak of being killed so normally?"

"Because I've been expecting it." Admitting it to yourself isn't the most pleasant thing, but it's true nonetheless. "I've come to terms with the fact that I may never know peace, so why go back and deny it now? I may be pathetic but I'm not stupid." Bitterness seeps into your voice and you immediately feel bad for speaking so pessimistically. 

Instead of apologizing though, you just bury your face into Coppers fur and stroke Midnights back (she came to join the two of you). 

"Is that really how you've been living your life?" The hobbit's voice is softer and less judgemental this time which only serves to make you feel more guilty. "Why have we only just noticed?" He wonders out loud, looking over at everyone else. 

His question does give you a pause, because truthfully you hadn't though about that. You lift your head and look over at him, then at everyone else, and then at Copper again, "Because... Because since you've all been here I haven't had to think about it. Having you here made it easy to forget." 

You shift up a bit to get more comfortable, but unfortunately Copper takes that as a sign to get off and meander away.

A pout comes onto your face when you try to lure him back, but he only walks off into another room. Great, now your shield is gone. 

You sit up normally and cross your legs, leaning back against the couch with your hands in your lap. 

"Well, Y/N rest assured that we aren't going to leave you to the mercy of fate after hearing all this. You've assisted us in our time of need, so it's only fair that we would do the same." Thorin says from next to Bilbo, Mittens snuggled in his lap and Yeti between him and the hobbit. "If I were to make everyone run off now anyways, I think they'd overthrow me."

There's more humor in his voice this time, and it brings a small smile to your face. "A coup from your own people for lil ole me?" Although you're joking, it does warm your soul to know that you've wormed your way into their hearts. 

Some of them laugh at the joke, and for the first time since yesterday you actually feel like things are normal. 

Suddenly a thought strikes you and you lean forward quickly, "Oh I have a question!" You declare, hands resting on your knees while you wait for everyone to direct their attention to you. 

Thorin is the one to answer you, "What is it?" 

"Why do you call Bilbo your burglar?"

You get a lot of bewildered and confused looks, before Fili slowly states, "Because... he is? He's supposed to steal the arkenstone back for us." 

These fools have fallen right into your trap. "Then why don't you call him your robbit?" You start to laugh as soon as you say it, because god you've been sitting on that one for a while now. 

Some of the more cultured dwarves begin to laugh after you say that (whether it's out of pity or actual amusement you don't know), while others groan and pray that they forget about your awful joke. 

When you look over at Bilbo he's smiling, and that only serves to make you laugh more. You reach up and cover your mouth with the back of your hand to stifle your giggles, and when you do relax you find that you feel infinitely better. 

"Look at that smile!" Balin comments with a grin of his own, very happy that things have finally calmed down, "Isn't that so much better, lads?"

There is a bunch of collective agreements, and while it does make you feel a bit embarrassed, it also makes your smile a bit brighter. 

Yeah, you're gonna have to keep 'em.

[koukaimagines]

Ooh, can you do headcanons for Yoon, Kija, Jae Ha and Soo Won with a singer s/o? The type who makes their living singing in bars and at events? I’m so happy to see an imagine blog for akayona!! Your writing looks great!

Hello there! I most certainly can!! Thank you so much! It means a lot to me, I often beat myself up about it,, so thank you so much!! Without further ado, here you go! (Cries bc i can't find the tag for Yoon)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoon

The first time he'd heard your voice was he was on the road with yona and the others. When he heard it and saw you in the corner of the small bar, he was taken away by your voice, his mouth open, but not a word was uttered from it. It was absolutely breathtaking.

It wasn't until you catch his gaze and wink at him that he inhales sharply, feeling almost as if his heart had skipped a beat.

You were drawn to him too, he was quite the beauty. When they quietly exited the bar after your performance, you couldn't help but chase after him. Though, it wasn't like you had anything to say, let alone a plan in mind.

"Ooh, Yoon~ looks like someone came to see you~" you hear a feminine voice tease, your eyes fall on the hooded figure.

"Do you need anything, miss?" A bright yellow boy approaches you.

"U-Uhm-! My next show will be at the next town to the east!! Please, if you don't mind, um, please go check it out!" You utter, before running off in embarrassment. Why did you do that? Ugh, he doesn't even know your name, would he even come? Your teenage hormones went into a frenzy, dizzying you with thoughts of humiliation.

Your next show came. You went out and stood in front of the people of the bar, and you scanned them, looking for that bright, apricot hair and sky blue eyes. But the crowd only consisted of older men and some women. You count down for the musicians and you start to sing. Your tune laced with sorrow and longing, hoping for him to open that door.

And as if the heavens heard your wish, the bells on the door rung, and in walked him and his unusual posse. Seeing him again broke a dam of emotions hidden away in your heart, and you sang as if your life depended on it. You sang, trying to convey the lonely nights you thought about him. You sang, conveying the longing you had for him.

Clenching your heart theatrically, you threw your arm forward, gazing into his eyes past the heads of the many, and word would spread that you were the best singer that ever graced that bar.

After your performance, you sat at his table and chatted with him and his group, telling them about your various travels and mess-ups on stage. You let them know of your next performances, hoping they'd visit you again.

Needless to say, they managed to appear at some of them, and the nights that offered you time with him turned the connection between you two into something more. You couldn't always see him, but when you did, you made the most of it, and so did Yoon, telling you how beautiful you looked up there in his own awkward, roundabout way.

The group knew to let you have some alone time with him, and sat a little ways away.

He'd also make sure to bring supplements every time, for your throat. Sweet candies and satchels of honey-like liquid would be offered to you.

When he left, he'd have an all-too-telling look on his face, and you two would part after a warm embrace. You would always look at the candies lovingly, as memories of him kept you sane before your next performance.

Kija

He'd absolutely be in love with your voice, in awe of the way your voice seemed to shapeshift from soft and high pitches to low and sultry tunes. You'd be showered in compliments every time your performance ended.

Amongst the crowd, he'd be the one clapping the loudest, screaming how proud he is of you and how amazing you sounded. When you approached him at their table, he'd take your hand in his while telling you how good you were, catching himself and becoming flustered from the way he conducted himself.

"Ah, sorry... It seems as though I am getting to carried away... but you were absolutely spectacular!"

If you joined them on their travels, you'd often sing and lull him to sleep. You'd also eventually find that Kija,

Is incredibly tone deaf

Because of this, he sometimes gets pessimistic and believe that he didn't deserve such an angel like you.

You'd try to reassure him that you love him all the same, tone deaf or not. But to him, he wanted to be better, and so you took him under your wing and taught him all that you knew about the art of vibrating your vocal chords.

Eventually, he could sing in pitch. He'd look at you in expectancy, ears sharpening for any words of praise you offered him.

"That was great, Kija!" You smiled, and you could tell that he was happy from the way his cheeks flared red and his gaze avoided yours, bashfully.

Jaeha

He first met you when he was still with the pirates. You could fight, and you could sing. Everyone loved helping themselves to a cup of wine while listening to your scooba doobas in the moonlight.

He'd often accompany your voice with his Erhu, and your music would reach the ears of Awa. When you joined Yona and the others, they didn't learn about your talent until you quietly hummed to yourself during dinner. That's when Jaeha showed you off like his most prized possession, bragging about how your voice pairs perfectly with a cup of wine, how you were the Awa pirates' lorelei.

You often sang to the group at night time, they claim that it helped them sleep. Jaeha, however, would stay up, not wanting to miss even a second of your gorgeous voice.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, cradling his cheek in his hand as he sat, indulging in your song.

"It's a bit embarrassing if you just stare at me like that..." you mumble, stopping mid-song.

"Don't mind me," he says, getting up and wrapping his arms around you. "Keep going."

You rest your hands on his chest, giggling. "I can't keep going if you do this."

"We'll dance while you sing, come on," he smiled, taking your hand in his.

Giggling, you bury your face in his chest. "That's not how it works, silly."

Soowon

He first heard you in a bar in the town he was visiting, once he heard rumours about corruption brewing.

It was at a bar he and Joo doh went to for dinner. When you opened your mouth, their ears were filled with bliss as your voice blanketed the instrumentals in perfect harmony. Rich and alluring, his majesty was instantly taken by your talent.

After your show, you saw an ethereal looking man and a stern one accompanying him. "That was splendid," he says, smiling.

Using his charm, he kept you company for an annoyingly long time before he got to the point.

"Would you like to become my personal entertainer? I'll have a room prepared for you in the castle, if you'd like." Your brain didn't process.

Personal entertainer? Castle?? Then it hit you like a sack of bricks. This happy-go-lucky man had the same face as the man that was recently crowned king.

You agreed, and you were escorted to Hiryuu castle. It still wasn't until you were gifted silken robes and a gorgeous room that it hit you that you were going to start living here.

His majesty often liked to bring you along to the parties and dinners he graced, gaining much praise from the noblemen and ladies.

This upset you. He was being applauded for your effort and skill. Your brows furrowed and you grit your teeth before your lord spoke up.

"Please, give your regards to the lady. I have nothing to do with her talent. I simply asked her to accompany me tonight."

After that night, your respect for him grew, and you began to frequent his office. He claimed that your voice helped him focus.

It wasn't until you were in his bed, singing no louder than a hushed whisper that you realized that you two were more than just "King" and "subject".

[valehirvas]

Hello, just came across your blog. I've been on testosterone for over a year and a half, and I'm considering stopping eventually to preserve my health, even though it's helped my with my dysphoria, and I feel a lot more comfortable with my body as it is now compared to pre-transition. Any advice, since you've gone through something similar according to your bio? From your experience, what changes revert back? Thanks for your time!

Hey! This is going to be long, bear with me.

Great to hear your dysphoria is better and you’re doing well. Honestly, this course has been very good for me personally. For brief background, I always expected to stop HRT after getting permanent changes from it, because the health risks like cancer and heart disease sounded like a bad tradeoff for essentially nothing in the long run, but it did surprise me that I had to stop early due to the health problems HRT was giving me, both mental and physical.

So in total, I’ve been on HRT for four years: I took two years off it in the middle because of the effect on my mental health, and then went back on when I was more stable, switched from gel to injections and stuck to it for another two years before I started losing hair, at which point I made the decision to quit permanently. I’ve now been off for some three years total.

For changes, I was pretty far into masculinization at that point. I had increased hair growth everywhere, although by genetics I was never set to become very hairy. Also by genetics I was doomed to have shitty facial hair growth, so I only ever managed to grow a couple dozen beard hairs under my chin. My voice dropped very low quite fast, and my friends say it’s lower than most men they know, although I’m personally deaf to how it sounds as it’s always just been “my voice” to me. My body fat had completely redistributed, I was thick in the middle and my face was angular, and within my own demographic I was usually read as male. And as said, I was losing hair, particularly from the top of my head, which was most unwelcome to me personally, lol. So I made the decision to stop there.

In terms of mental wellbeing, testosterone always had a shitty effect on my anxiety and paranoia; it masculinized my depression and made it more active instead of passive, leading to anger and anxiety rather than sadness. Other than that I felt very good about myself and overall had a positive experience with T, even though it (combined with binding) caused me various unexplained health issues like trouble swallowing, muscle tension and such, which, like mentioned above, were high on the list of reasons I quit and have to be mentioned as “effects” of the treatment.

Backstory over, so, I quit T.

What happened first was my hair literally just fell off all at once. Yay? This is apparently normal, based on my extensive research on male-pattern baldness prevention online; when you start taking DHT blockers (or cease injecting testosterone into your muscles), the damaged hair on your head just dies off and gets replaced by new, healthy hair. I shed like shit, I’m not going to lie, I had short hair but when I went to take a shower my palms would be covered in hair when I ran them through my head. So I shaved it all off, problem solved(?). Like promised by the Internet, my hair did grow back more healthy, and I was no longer losing any afterwards. At three years in I have a normal head of hair.

Second, my periods came back. Based on my previous experience on stopping T, periods coming back is shit, not because nobody likes them but because your body’s fucked up from the treatment. First time around I had horrible cramps for a couple months - pretty much non-stop through the entire period, debilitating and just awful, way worse than I had in my teens. Second time around no cramping but I literally just bled buckets. I had a large-sized mooncup, but I had to empty it hourly instead of every 8 hours like recommended, and I would still bleed through it. Like there was just so much fucking blood everywhere. I had to leave work for it, it was that bad. So be prepared for your periods to be fucked up afterwards. I was warned repeatedly by gynos that they’ll probably not come back after stopping T, but they always did, and after a couple months they went back to being regular and normal again. Three years after T I have a normal cycle, pretty much the same it was pre-T, with less cramping due to my age compared to when they stopped the first time when I was still pretty young.

Third, my body hair calmed down. I lost the hair on my chest entirely, my neckbeard had slowed down to the point where I don’t bother shaving it more than once in three months or so, my unibrow vanished, and my whiskers grew lighter. My arm hair has gone back to being relatively invisible. My leg hair and thigh hair is still thick, which I like. Brows still thick, which I like.

Fourth, body fat redistribution. You have to lose and gain weight for this to happen, so it may be faster or slower depending on your lifestyle, but essentially your new body fat distributes in a female pattern whereas your old fat burns from the male pattern. My waist is back and my hips are wide. Breasts are way fuller, even though nobody needed that. Face is round. I still retain some angularity to my jaw but essentially back to babyface for me at three years in.

Fifth, voice. My voice is still low range masculine,

but reaching higher pitches is much easier, and my voice overall has softened and regained range in general. Nobody else has picked up on it, but I’ve noticed, especially within the past year, my voice becoming much more versatile and in general higher and more feminine. Obviously, as imaged, this doesn’t affect the average range of my voice, but it is noticeable.

I’ve done plenty of voice training for my safety (sometimes I get questioned in female bathrooms, for example) so this is not just the effects of T alone, but here’s an example of the ease in which I can reach a passable female voice three years off T:

Sixth, TMI and sad, but I no longer have a dick. It’s gone. I’m back to square one in that field. Luckily I don’t suffer penis envy, I just really liked the growth both aesthetically and in terms of it being on my body. I really, really liked it. Safe to say I never had much to begin with, but it was quite significant in comparison to what I have now. Bye, dick. You are dearly missed.

Health-wise, I’m doing much better! I no longer experience issues with swallowing, my muscles are feeling much better especially with regular exercise, and I don’t have unexplainable physical symptoms that leave my doctors shrugging in confusion. My mental health is also excellent, but it’s worth noting this has a lot to do with external factors as well, such as escaping abuse for a major contributing factor. However, it’s also due to active practice in merging together my fractured self in terms of embracing my female reality instead of trying to live as a male in whole. Finding that balance has been a big help in alleviating the dysphoria I dealt with upon quitting T. I feel really good in my skin now, with the permanent changes T has provided me together with my healthier body, so I can safely say this has been a good choice for me overall.

Tl;dr: Post-T Edition

Things that changed for me: body hair lessened, balding stopped and hair grew back, voice became more versatile, physical and mental health improved, beard growth slowed down to fuck all, regained a round face and hourglass figure, boobs filled up, bottom growth went back to 0

Things that didn’t change: normal speaking voice is still deep as shit, leg hair growing strong, brow game bushy, still have whiskers, people keep questioning my presence in female bathrooms and nobody tries to sell me makeup, dysphoria doing good.

Overall: I’m in a good place, yo.

[galaxae]

3, 7 and 18 for as many as you can answer; btw do you still have an ocs page? like with introductions and all that

wow this took forever oops!

tysm for the ask!! i’ve been meaning to make a carrd or something with oc intros, but i have so goddamn many ocs and so little time now that i’m in college and all that. and i have the code saved from my old pages before i remade, but those are kind of outdated and incomplete

that being said i’m probably gonna end up making that carrd regardless of how busy i am cause special interest indulgence and all that, so i’ll post about it when i do

anyway! i’m putting the actual oc answers under a readmore because i’m gonna try to do all the ocs i listed and it’ll be kinda long lol

3. What does your oc’s voice sound like? (Or, if you have one, what’s their voiceclaim?) Can they sing, whistle, or roll their rs? Do they have any speech impediments or notable dialects/accents?

how does one even describe voices... ok here goes

avani: she’s my character for a ttrpg campaign, so her voice sounds basically like mine (which might not help much cause you don’t know how i talk lol), but when i’m talking as her i pitch my voice up a bit and make it a bit more nasally. she’s not much of a singer, nor can she whistle, but she can roll her r’s pretty well. also, since she’s autistic and hard of hearing, her tone of voice often comes off the "wrong” way

farhan: he’s another ttrpg character i play lol, or at least he will be next semester, so his voice is again kind of like mine. but when i talk as him i pitch my voice down and it’s a bit hoarse. ig his voice would also be more “masculine” than mine but whatever. he can sing and whistle but has a pretty small vocal range (since he’s, like, 13 right now and will be 16 when i rp him next semester)

carter: i imagine his voice as low and on the quiet and raspy end, with a tiny bit of a lisp. he’s way too insecure to try to sing or even whistle or anything like that, though if he practiced at it he’d probably get pretty good

calira: she’s mute so n/a i guess. but she talks pretty formally in her dialect of elvish sign language, which is definitely unusual

sam: they have kind of a low voice that’s also raspy, but with quite a bit of pep and variation in their tone. they can even sing pretty well and they like to whistle constantly while working. that creates some kind of whiplash cause sam comes off as a typical edgy teen a lot of the time

jizoriel: high-pitched with lots of voice cracks, peak pretentious preteen/early teen jerkass. he can’t really sing or do anything similar, nor does he want to very much

victoria: so quiet and raspy that you can barely make out that it’s low and has a soothing and pleasant tone to it. she can sing well, or at least she could once upon a time

rowan: just! the happiest and most cheerful voice you can imagine! so much love behind how she talks! her voice fills up her whole head and the whole room!! and she whistles sometimes while she walks

ace: defies any masculine or feminine labels, smooth and cool in theory but they stutter quite a bit

charity: gruff but with a hint of cheer and clarity behind it that comes out when she’s startled. she loves to sing but can’t whistle and can’t roll her r’s either

jamal: i actually have a voiceclaim for him! it’s this (the voice that sings from 1:51 to 1:58)

kimberly: her voice is a bit high and a bit... idk how to say it exactly... i guess shrill would be the word?

fabián: his voice seems higher-pitched than it actually is cause he talks higher when he’s anxious, and he’s always anxious. it’s a bit hard to describe his voice otherwise tbh. i can hear it in my head but i can’t quite put it to paper oops. oh yeah also he has a great singing voice but never uses it sooo

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

this question opens up a wormhole cause i have playlists for many of these guys but instead i’ll just provide one (1) song for each and vaguely describe their music taste, how does that sound

avani: honestly “mr. capgras encounters a secondhand vanity” by will wood is a “her” song to me. her music taste leans a lot more toward older music though (like some classics from the 70s and 80s and such)

farhan: he’s still very new so i haven’t really found a song for him yet. but i know he absolutely loves peppy and energetic pop music and also sappy gay love songs

carter: (slaps my hand away when i try to type another will wood song) “fantasy island” by the shins always launches me into daydreams about him. which kinda roughly aligns with his music taste, he listens to a lot of those “mainstream indie” artists. he’d also listen to will wood because he’s gay and mentally ill <3

calira: one of my favorite songs on her playlist is “maximillian von spee” by dirt poor robins. but the music she listens to is basically all invigorating church-loving stuff with medieval-era instruments lmao

sam: “sometimes” by nick lutsko is an absolute bop and very much a sam song. sam actually doesn’t go out of their way to listen to music though, but when they do they listen to either the most soothing and relaxing stuff or to the angriest metal emo music. no in between

jizoriel: i’ll go the less emo angle here and say a song that reminds me of him is “upside down” by jack johnson. jizoriel’s music taste is like. old choir music and shit plus incomprehensible magical music that doesn’t even sound like music. if he was from earth he’d like my chemical romance

victoria and rowan: i’m grouping these two together here because a song that reminds me very strongly of both of them/their relationship is “human” by dodie. which actually fits very well into both of their music tastes!

ace: again, going the less edgy angle here, “auntie earth” by walter mitty and his makeshift orchestra. but ace mostly listens to uh, classical flute music and flute covers

charity: absolutely “dance and cry” by mother mother, that’s pretty much her theme song. it’s among her favorite songs in canon too

jamal: “tire swing” by los elk, since his arc is about letting go of childhood and all that jazz. he’s more inclined to listen to fun. and other pop artists and rappers and such. he likes janelle monae

kimberly: “best tears” by the happy fits for sure. in terms of her music taste though, her taste is pretty similar to jamal’s. they bond over being janelle monae fans

fabián: by god does “heal” by so much light fit him. his taste is that he rotates through three (3) specific obscure indie artists lmao, so theoretically i guess that specific song is included in there

18. How does your oc see themself? How does this compare to the way other ocs see them?

i am gonna do my best to keep these short cause this is a loaded question for all of them hoo boy

avani: how she sees herself: honestly the worst person alive. unless she spends every moment of her time trying to make up for what she’s done, she’s worthless, and she doesn’t deserve to love herself in any capacity how others see her: her brother (farhan) really looks up to her! most of the time. the superhero team she’s on (other people’s ocs) all think she’s generally smart and capable enough, and her boyfriend in particular thinks she’s incredible

farhan: how he sees himself: as of right now? a misunderstood emo middle schooler who’s still kind of cool i guess how others see him: his sister (avani) thinks he’s quite an impressive and charismatic young man

carter:  how he sees himself: 1/10 awkward and annoying how others see him: carter reminds calira too much of her old self, so she love-hates him. sam thinks he’s weak and cowardly but admires his kindness. and jizoriel clings to him as a caring father figure and loves carter’s passion for natural studies

calira: how she sees herself: it goes back and forth between “i’m the greatest chosen one ever im such a strong warrior” and “wow i’m literal trash why did the gods pick me for this” how others see her: carter is a bit intimidated by her but appreciates her attempts to vibe with him, sam thinks she’s an annoying pretentious self-important bitch (but their opinion softens over time), and jizoriel sees right through her facade and feels comfortable around her because of it

sam:  how they see themself: evil and in need of redemption, kind of similar to avani ig but with 10x more confidence in their skills and also much more violent how others see them: carter knows theyre doing their best even if theyre kind of an asshole, calira is a fan of their strength and determination, and jizoriel Hates Their Guts (at first) because they baby him too much

jizoriel: how he sees himself: a fucking fraud of a prince. all he has going for him is his abilities as a mage, but even then those are shaky how others see him: carter knows he’s very insecure and wants to comfort him, calira admires his magical prowess and noble air, and sam thinks he’s a snarky little pretentious douchebag but also he reminds them of their late brother and they want to protect him at all costs

victoria: how she sees herself: basically dead. only good for interacting with ghosts. not worthy of the human world or of friendship how others see her: she reminds rowan of her old self. rowan sees a glimmer of love and hope in her and wants to bring it out

rowan: how she sees herself: a fucking mess but she’s trying her best and that’s what counts! how others see her: victoria very much appreciates her cheerful air even if she doesn’t act like it

ace: how they see themself: way too weird to be human, way too weak not to be. their self-image changes constantly. theyre very confused about everything please help how others see them: charity is literally dating them lol she thinks theyre the cutest person alive, jamal appreciates how hard they try as a friend, kimberly thinks theyre an alien invader whom she can study and use to get further in life, and fabián knows more about ace than anyone else and loves them for it

charity: how she sees herself: a Teenager who’s struggling. she desperately wants to be young without the burden of her trauma but whether she thinks of herself as emo and sad and angry or not depends a lot on her mood how others see her: ace adores everything about her, jamal loves how cool and fun and sociable she can be, kimberly is annoyed with her rebelliousness, and fabián worries very much for her well-being and can’t shake the image of her as helpless (oops that’s gonna cause some drama)

jamal: how he sees himself: just a chill guy trying to get by. unremarkable. how others see him: ace is grateful for how forgiving he can be but is still terrified of him being angry over [spoilers], charity loves how sociable and fun he is and how protective he can be of his friends, kimberly secretly envies his carefree nature, and fabián sees him as a solid acquaintance to whom he did not give a good first impression

kimberly: how she sees herself: not good! if she can’t grow up fast and do science well then she’s useless how others see her: ace wants to be friends with her but doesn’t know how to do that, charity is annoyed by her rule-bound-ness, jamal thinks she’s cool but should unwind a little, and fabián resents her at first but would still like to play chess with her sometime

fabián: how he sees himself: he has a moral responsibility to help people Or Else. way too anxious and stuck up but he doesn’t know how to change that how others see him: ace fuckin Loves this guy, charity loves him too but she gets pissed when he tries to help her with anything, jamal genuinely thinks he’s a great guy and wants to get to know him better, and kimberly is actually impressed by him and envies his apparent confidence and charisma

ok ok that’s it i promise. sorry this is so long and tysm for reading if you made it this far!! feel free to ask more oc questions literally whenever, that goes for anyone reading this <3

[ariadoesntwrite]

The (he)art of Craft | e.k. x reader

Words: 2173

Boys are clueless.

I know this, but for some reason I keep forgetting.

I crossed my arms in front of myself to rest them as Elmer leaped onto his bed like a flying squirrel. "When you asked me if I wanted to 'hang out with you (and the guys)', this isn't exactly what I was envisioning."

Elmer looked over at me as he scrambled to sit up, blinking in confusion. "Why? What did you have in mind?"

In all honesty, shirtless basketball in the park.

"I don't know." I shook my head and sat on the bed beside him.

I watched Elmer boot up the server, staring at the screen with barely concealed excitement. Four users were already online.

This is not exactly my idea of a hot date. Then again, maybe it's my fault for reading into things. On the other hand, I mean really, what usually comes to mind immediately when a really cute boy asks you if you want to 'hang out'?

See, that's what I thought!

You know what, though? All things considered, it could be worse. He could've asked me to play Wii Sports Bowling with him. It's supposed to be so easy the folks in nursing homes love it, right? Well apparently ole gram-grams has more virtual athletic ability in her pinky finger than I do in my entire body.

Elmer scooted closer to me and pulled out headphones, flipping the earpieces outwards so we could share the same set.

I watched as the screen started spazzing out. "Is that..." I trailed off, pointing at the screen and not sure how to put my thoughts into words as I held my part of the headphones up to my ear.

Elmer quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah, it's usual for this section. The reason it's so glitchy is because someone spawned way too many ocelot assets."

"Hey guys, Elmer has a girl ov—" Romeo started to say, but he was cut off by somebody who was way louder.

"You can never have too many ocelots!" A distinctive, high-pitched but still decidedly male voice exclaimed through the headset.

"The queen of the felines has spoken." Elmer rolled his eyes and smiled as his avatar started jerkily walking towards a large light blue and white building that touched the sky. "This is Racetrack's cat castle—"

"A cat-stle, if you will." Racetrack interrupted.

"I will not." Albert shot back.

Racetrack cleared his throat and adopted a 'tour guide' voice. "Business hours are from 9:00pm to 5:00am, or for the low low price of three diamonds you can get an all-access pass."

"Good grief." Albert muttered under his breath.

"Killing one of my sweet, adorable, cuddly babies— I mean, very loyal subjects— results in an immediate ban for life." Racetrack continued, undeterred. "Donations of precious gemstones and fish, cooked or raw, are always appreciated."

"Yeah, good luck with that." Romeo replied with a small snort.

"I'll come tour your catstle, Race!" Crutchie said cheerily.

"Finally, some proper respect around here."

I gave Elmer the side-eye. "Why isn't it pink?"

"Pink? You think I would use pink?" Racetrack asked with an air of disdain, scoffing. "Please. Pink is a strong, masculine color, fit only for the he-est of men. My graceful feminine eyes can only bear the lightest, most delicate shades of blue, as is befitting a most proper young lady such as myself."

Elmer made eye contact with me and shrugged.

"Also, pink is Romeo's color." Racetrack mumbled with a defeated tone.

Romeo let out a triumphant laugh. "Ya snooze ya lose, loser!"

Alerts in all caps popped up on the screen as three more usernames joined.

Elmer nudged me with his shoulder to get my attention. I tried and failed not to blush. "And to our left, we have Henry's trailer park. In Minecraft, imagination is the only limit, and Henry decided to build a trailer park. Why, I have no idea."

"Because heck you, that's why!" Henry said, but there was no bite in his tone.

"Watch your ****ing language on my good Christian Minecraft server!" Crutchie yelled.

The random conversations going on between others in the background went silent.

"oh no." Crutchie said really quietly, but we could all hear it due to the aforementioned radio silence.

Jojo started muttering The Lord's Prayer to himself.

Somebody let out a very loud snort.

"Gross!" Albert shrieked. "Say it, don't spray it!"

"Kiss my butt!" Racetrack shot back.

There was some fuzzy noise, like somebody dropped their headset on the ground and they were wrestling with each other now.

Jack sighed. "Hey, if y'all are gonna hate-boink, can you please mute your channels please and thank you!"

"Shut up!" Racetrack and Albert shouted at the same time.

Jack cackled like a maniac to himself.

"Okay, you know what?" Albert asked, clearly annoyed. "Keep it up, but I'm gonna tell Katherine all about your little problem with–"

Elmer gasped and pulled his earpiece away from his head. He quickly crossed himself before returning to listening in on the conversation.

"No!" Jack protested as Albert proceeded to spill some very personal information. "You wouldn't!"

"—Don't test me." Albert finished.

"I did not need to know that." Jojo said, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Ditto." Henry murmured in agreement.

A notification popped up on the screen alerting everybody that Buttons was online and had joined the server, bringing the total up to eight. "Hey, guys! Know what?" He asked, innocently.

"That the unflappable Jack Kelly apparently has a raging butt rash." Romeo answered matter-of-factory.

Buttons seemed at a loss for words. "...Oh." he said, finally.

"I'm dealing with it, okay?" Jack asked, annoyed. "I have cream and I'm taking oatmeal baths—"

"TMI, bro." Albert interrupted.

"You started it!" Jack exclaimed, exasperatedly.

"Your mom started it!" Albert retorted. The height of maturity, that one.

"My mom is dead!"

"Oh yeah? So's mine, you ain't special!" Albert said breezily.

A chorus of 'So is mine' rang through the airspace.

"Okay, well that's depressing." Buttons commented. "Who wants to duel?"

"Ooh, pick me! I'm always a ho for dying!" Racetrack yelled enthusiastically.

"Race, are you okay?" Crutchie asked, concerned.

There was no response for a few seconds, and then I heard the sound of somebody facepalming.

"Race, you're an idiot." Albert said flatly.

"Oh, wait a second."

Elmer adjusted his grip on the headset. "What'd he do?"

Albert sighed. "He shot finger guns at the screen."

"Woooowww." Jojo said, totally done.

"You're just jealous." Race clicked his tongue.

Jojo scoffed. "Why would I be jealous of an evil leprechaun? Oh wait, no, that's Albert."

"Hey!"

I elbowed Elmer. "Are they always like this?"

Elmer nodded. "Constantly."

"Uh, guys? Anyone else's game bugging out?" Jack asked. "Oh wait never mind, I just wandered a little too close to the crazy cat lady's cottage."

Racetrack huffed. "Heck you, butt rash boy."

Jojo let out a mock offended gasp. "Such language!"

"Frick you, HoHo."

Jojo gasped again. "Frick you!"

"That's gay." Racetrack said, snickering.

"You're gay!" Jojo replied.

"So what if I am?! Gay means happy, and I'm the happiest person I know! So there!" Racetrack punctuated his sentence with a somewhat audible 'blep'.

Elmer fake-coughed and raised his voice loud enough to cover Jojo and Racetrack's 'argument'. “To our right is Mush's giant flower garden." He did a slow pan of the colorful, pixelated blooms.

I leaned forward to examine them. It was quite impressive, if only from the sheer numbers of mass collection.

"Dare you to steal one, Elmer." Romeo piped up.

Elmer shook his head vehemently. "Heck no, unlike most of you, I actually value my life."

"Lives having value?" Albert scoffed.

"In this economy?" Racetrack finished for him.

"Now we're coming up on Romeo's super tacky building." Elmer leaned back against the wall as a large, misshapen, pink, vaguely-heart-shaped structure came into view.

"Look, I had a plan originally, but math and grids are hard." Romeo explained.

Racetrack let out a derisive scoff. "Grids are literally the easiest thing, you wannabe fashion icon."

Romeo blew a raspberry.

"Your mom is literally the easiest thing." Albert commented.

I could practically hear Racetrack's smirk from here. "You know, what I'm gathering from all the 'your mom' jokes is, you just really wanna be my daddy."

Somebody started making vey exaggerated gagging noises.

"Uh, pass." Albert muttered under his breath.

"You coughing up a hairball over there or something, Jojo?" Henry asked.

Jojo ceased his gagging. "No, I'm good."

"I bet Race has rabies." Buttons quipped.

"Don't be ridiculous, Race doesn't have rabies!" Crutchie protested. "I had him tested and everything."

"Interesting." I murmured under my breath.

"This is my house!" Elmer announced with a large grin, completely oblivious. "It's one of those tiny houses!"

"That's a very pretentious way of saying 'dirt hut starter home'." Crutchie teased.

"Wow, that's so funny I forgot to laugh." Elmer shot back. "No, it's like one of those minimalist houses that used to be all the rage, but in Minecraft! See?" He gestured at the small building on the screen, eyes sparkling.

I smiled back, his energy practically contagious. "It's very cute." Just like its builder, is what I did not say to him.

"And fully functional!" Elmer opened the door and started pointing out various features. "In the floor is a crafting table and a bed, to the side we have a furnace and a double-wide chest—"

"Your mom has a double-wide chest!" Racetrack exclaimed gleefully before erupting into laughter.

Elmer snapped his mouth shut with an unamused look on his face.

"Dang you Race, I was about to say that." Albert said, almost whining.

Elmer let out a sigh and moved his avatar to the back of the house. "And here's a small vegetable garden."

"Po Tay Toes!" Albert exclaimed, immediately perking back up.

"Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!" Jack added. The first thing he's said in a while, now that I think about it.

"You Irish people scare me." Racetrack commented.

"You're part Irish." Albert said flatly.

"Yeah, and?" Racetrack asked defensively. "I scare myself!"

"That makes two of us." Albert muttered under his breath.

I stole a glance towards Elmer, who was engrossed in harvesting his virtual vegetables. I can't say I understand how or why people invest so much time in this kind of stuff, but at least it makes him happy.

It'd be nice if I could do that.

I don't know what I'm doing, but if I don't ask then I'll spend years replaying this day over and over in my head at 2:00a.m. in the morning overanalyzing every single little detail. Here goes nothing.

I smiled teasingly and nudged Elmer with my elbow, gently. “So, do you invite all the girls out to watch you play Minecraft or am I just special?"

"Say what now?" Elmer looked over at me suddenly, blinking as if he was coming out of a trance as his eyes re-adjusted to the real world.

Uh-oh.

"This is a date?"

"This isn't a date?" We both asked in unison.

There was an awkward silence for about ten seconds, which was then broken by the sound of loud crunching over the headset.

"Henry!" About five or six voices exclaimed.

"What?" Henry asked defensively. "This is entertaining, thus, snacks are a must! Can y'all blame me?"

"Elmer," Racetrack sighed, "when you ask a girl to quote, 'hang out', unquote, that's code for a date. Just like Netflix and Chill is—"

"Stop! Don't ruin his innocence!" Buttons interrupted.

"I'm just saying, he's not gonna get very far if he doesn't know—"

Elmer pulled the headset down and placed it on the bed between us, hitting mute at the same time. "Look, this didn't go the way I planned, 'cause I was gonna ask you out for real, but then I panicked, so no wonder you've been getting mixed signals, but..."

He stared down at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Can we just finish out today platonic and like, start fresh tomorrow? And I promise, if it's what you want, I will ask you on a real, proper date then."

I grinned and turned back to face the screen so I wasn't staring at him and making him even more uncomfortable. "Sounds good to me."

"Cool." Elmer returned the grin and did two thumbs up at me, shoulders scrunched up, then picked the headset back up and held it up to his ear.

I leaned in to unmute it and was greeted with a cacophony of all the boys arguing with each other over what exactly was happening on our end.

I hesitantly reached over to place my arm around Elmer's shoulders. "Do you mind if... is this okay?"

Elmer beamed from ear to ear and leaned into my touch. "Yeah."

"What's going on?" Romeo asked loudly, effectively putting a damper on the moment. "I need visuals!"

[cassolotl]

Coming off testosterone

I stopped taking testosterone on day 235, May 19th 2019 - 6 days ago, and after just under 8 months of low-dose testosterone. I had 1 pump of Tostran gel per day, which the medication leaflet says is 10mg of testosterone.

~

WHY DID I START TAKING LOW-DOSE TESTOSTERONE?

I’m nonbinary, and my goal was always to be androgynous. I started taking testosterone to deepen my voice, mainly, but the idea of a more masculine fat distribution on my body was appealing because I also have dysphoria about my hips and slim shoulders. “Passing” as nonbinary isn’t really a thing because most people don’t know that there are more than two genders, so the best I could really hope to achieve realistically was to confuse as many people about my gender as possible. 😈

Changes I wanted:

Deeper voice

Genital changes

Less feminine body fat distribution

Changes I didn’t want:

Facial hair

Hairline changes (but if it happens a little that’s okay)

Loss of hair on head

Body hair

A couple of years ago I had one session of voice therapy (NHS), which was fun and very interesting, but it taught me a couple of things. One was that finding my lower pitches and getting that low resonance by finding my chest voice was definitely helpful and relieved my voice dysphoria. The other was that there was no way I was going to be able to keep up with multiple voice exercises per day to keep it that way. I pretty much decided that day that testosterone was the most sensible option, and even though it was scary I would just have to find a way to deal with the negative effects.

My voice dysphoria was sort of disconnected from my idea of my gender. All I really knew was that my voice needed to be a lower pitch and more resonant. I felt that dysphoria especially when I was talking excitedly or when I was singing. But I also knew that I didn’t want people to mistake me for a man either, and since it’s a very long slow process and quite unpredictable I knew that I would need to be careful to keep track of things to make sure I didn’t start giving myself a new kind of gender dysphoria in the masculine direction!

It was another year or two before the stars aligned and I actually managed to get the can of Tostran into my hands (NHS).

~

HOW DID IT GO?

As I mentioned above, I was on a low dose, one pump of Tostran per day. One can lasted about 107 days. The endocrine nurse said I could reduce the dose to half if I squirted the gel onto my leg/stomach as usual and then wiped half the gel-dribble off with tissue and threw it in the bin before I rubbed it in, but I never did that. The two-month blood test put my levels at 9.7 nmol or something like that. (Female range is 3 or below, and male range is 10 or above, so I was very nearly almost at the male range.)

The first month I got that scratchy throat feeling, which I now know happens when my voice is deepening, and I noticed my voice getting a little lower. Also I was SO GREASY OH MY GOD, I had to shower twice as much, I had to get some high-powered anti-perspirant deodorant. It didn’t make me spotty, it was just disgusting! But it felt okay because I could tell it was affecting my voice. I also noticed that I smelled different, and that my bedroom acquired that delightful(??) teenage boy smell! Ew. This kicked in properly in under a week, and trailed off around month two, though I still needed to take more showers and wear hardcore deodorant and I was still more greasy for the entire time I was on T.

On day 26 I noticed that my... [flails around wildly for non-dysphoric word] pudendum had gotten a little bigger, and I regret not getting “before T” photos. The growth was fast and a lot more noticeable than I had expected, and it was extremely emotionally intense, because I hadn’t realised but I’d been sort of suppressing and dissociating from genital dysphoria for my whole life. I knew I had genital dysphoria, but not how much or how it was affecting me. I was completely unprepared, and it was overwhelming. (I am very lucky that I was able to access fortnightly gender-specialist talking therapy at Charing Cross GIC during this time.) A few weeks later I started looking into genital surgery options. I think my genitals haven’t changed much in the last 2 months, so I guess it took about 5-6 months to get to where they are now.

Here’s the graph the Voice Pitch Analyzer app [iOS/Android] makes:

And here’s the graph I made myself using data from the app:

In the second graph, the thing I notice right away is that my highest pitch now is lower than my lowest pitch pre-T.

My first month was rapid pitch drop, and then there were a couple of months of wibbling around on a plateau, and then after that things kicked off again, I had a few scattered days of scratchy throat and things started meandering downward. A common pattern was two to four weeks of wild fluctuation and no drop, followed by a sudden drop over a day or two. Sometimes my brain took a while to adjust to a drop in pitch, and I would tire myself out speaking with a higher pitch than my vocal chords really wanted to do.

In the last couple of months I got a lot worse at making the voice recordings, which in hindsight might be because I was less enamoured with being on testosterone, and it was maybe a sign that my testosterone advantages were sort of wrapping up and it was nearly time to stop.

No one who sees me regularly said unprompted that they could hear a difference in my voice. When I asked people if my voice sounded different, they said “ehhh, maybe kinda, yeah?” I learned that testosterone doesn’t make your voice sound different! It makes it feel different, to yourself and to other people. My therapist, who I see (approximately) fortnightly, said she couldn’t tell the difference at all, and when I played her my day 1 voice recording to compare it to my current voice (6 months or so) she was like 😮.

Strangers are still mostly gendering me female, as far as I can tell, but my appearance and my voice means that strangers gender me male a little more often than pre-T. I also get “sir, I mean ma’am, gosh I’m so sorry...” more often. It makes me uncomfortable to make people uncomfortable, so I just usually say “it’s okay, I’m nonbinary so I’m kind of both??”, which rarely makes them less flustered or less confused. I had some cards made years ago that have the nonbinary flag on one side and the definition of nonbinary on the other, which I should just start handing out whenever this happens!

My testosterone dose was too low to stop my menstrual cycle, but it did seem to mellow out the highs and lows. My PMS and menstrual symptoms are generally a nightmare even though I have no uterus to bleed from, so that was a nice relief. It was very strange to experience PMS and boy puberty simultaneously.

I kept records of my specific dysphoria feelings from about 3.5 months, thanks to prompting from my gender-specialist therapist at Charing Cross GIC in London:

The ideal outcome, which I was looking out for, was all of the lines meandering towards that horizontal line in the middle. That would mean the feminine dysphoria was reducing and the masculine dysphoria was reducing.

I am pretty lucky, in that most of the changes I wanted from testosterone are permanent and the changes I didn’t want are temporary or reversible. I made some lines on the graph more bold because those were the ones that I wanted to keep an eye on. Here are my thoughts on this graph:

Facial hair was impossible to score because it gave me both masculine and feminine dysphoria. Feminine because those dark fine hairs on my upper lip are most often seen on cis women, and masculine because they were caused by testosterone and male puberty.

When my pudendum started growing it also gave mixed signals. It was good because it was getting bigger, but as it grew it highlighted that there was a lot going on down there that made me feel feminine dysphoria (mainly labia around my pudendum, and sometimes that it was still relatively small).

I am not a very hairy person. I thought I wouldn’t like having more body hair, and for a few months when I scored my dysphoria I focused on specific patches of new hair and thought about whether I was dysphoric and thought that I wasn’t. After a few months I realised I was being too short-sighted. Yes, I can totally deal with these new fine hairs on my thighs. Yes, this darker and thicker hair on my shins is okay. Sure, these hairs around my belly button are no big thing. But when I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture, and saw the hair as a pattern, my whole brain recoiled. Yes, I am definitely dysphoric about masculine patterns of body hair on myself. :S

There was a trend of all types of dysphoria getting less over time - until month 7, when they all started getting worse except voice. It took a while to be sure it was a trend, but looking back on it, that was definitely a thing!

The ideal outcome would be all of those lines converging on the middle horizontal axis, and it hasn’t happened. There are no flawless solutions for nonbinary people at the moment. As things stand and with what’s available to me right now, I will probably always have gender dysphoria. But I’m pretty glad that I’ve done what I can and I will keep doing what I can, because it is all helping.

Unrelated to any gender stuff, I have put on weight and gone up a size or two in trousers and one size in t-shirts. It could just be that I’m in my 30s and my metabolism is slowing, which is what I assumed it was at first, but the weight has come on in quite a short space of time, so that made me think about what I’ve been eating and why. I noticed that I was craving carbs and sugar, eating it, and then feeling unsatisfied afterwards. The type of hunger I’ve been feeling lately feels the same as the type of hunger I had when I had Implanon, a three-year birth control implant. When I had that removed my appetite went back to normal. So this putting on weight feels a lot like a hormonal thing. I have mixed feelings about it! I strongly dislike my clothes feeling wrong and having to buy new clothes, but also bits of me are pleasingly wibbly and it’s fun to be able to rest my cup of tea on my stomach when I slouch. :D

Also unrelated to gender stuff, even on a low dose many of my EDS symptoms were noticeably reduced: fatigue, loose joints, joint pain, IBS, dysautonomia. (Joint pain and fatigue were still present, but not as bad after exertion.) I also noticed that the really vivid dreams and very emotional days that come with PMS mostly disappeared, which I was sad about.

~

HOW DID I KNOW TO STOP?

People gendering me in different ways has increased lately. Like, a few weeks ago me and @watchkeyphone were trundling about town, and one charity/religion street-hawker person asked if we were sisters, and then a hundred yards later their colleague called us “lads” or something.

A week or so ago, I realised that my voice was sounding and feeling resonant in my chest pretty much all the time and that felt pretty nice, but I was still scoring my voice as sounding feminine, and I wondered if that might be because the changes are so gradual that I just changed my idea of what feminine sounds like. I noticed that I was more comfortable recording my voice to put online for various reasons.

I don’t live in a culture where people go around saying “excuse me sir” or “hello madam”, we don’t routinely gender each other in a formal way. But also, either I don’t have enough casual contact with strangers to notice gendered familiar words like “mate” or “love”, or strangers just avoid using those kinds of words with me because I’m hella queer-looking. So I basically realised that I have no idea how strangers see me or hear my voice at all.

So, in approximately this order:

I put a recording of my voice on the internet and asked strangers to gender my voice. Most of them said androgynous, leaning a little masculine. One person said I sounded like Q, a computer-generated intentionally genderless voice!

I went to a queer social group, and when it came up in conversation naturally I complained about how hard it is to know when to stop testosterone because I can’t tell how my body and voice are gendered by other people, and a lot of people I see regularly still see me the same way as they saw me pre-T. A couple of people said, “actually, in the past couple of months I have really noticed the effects...” So that was reassuring!

I decided to notice how my pitch works in different situations compared to pre-T. After the queer social group we went down to the river and some people swam, and when they got into the water and it was very cold, some of us cheered supportively - and I tried to woo like the “woo girls”, and my voice just came out at a dude pitch instead...! I apparently can’t be high-pitched at high volumes any more.

I watched a video about gender and voice by someone I’ve met in person. When I met them I noticed that their voice was pretty androgynous, and I enjoyed it and thought about how nice it must be to have a voice that can’t be easily gendered by strangers. When I watched this video last week, in which their voice was exactly the same, I noticed that they sounded like me. That was the moment that I realised my voice was done!

I spoke to my PA about it. I played my pre-T voice to her and her face was A Picture, she could not even. She then said that she has quite a feminine voice, and she suggested we each make a recording of our voices reading a paragraph of the book on the table, and then compare to her partner’s voice in a recording. My voice sounded more like her male partner’s voice than like hers.

I can now speak with a comically low deep resonant voice if I want to, and I can also speak with a high cutesy voice in order to address my cat, provided I am warmed up a bit.

~

HOW DID STOPPING GO?

On the day that I posted the voice file online, when strangers started saying I sounded masculine, I was honestly pretty surprised. In my head strangers in person were still mostly gendering me female, but when I really thought about it people hadn’t actually been gendering me much at all. I think I had been assuming strangers were hearing a woman’s voice because the change had been so gradual that I hadn’t had a moment where I could “update” my own gendering of my voice. I didn’t wake up one day and go “wow I sound like a dude” or whatever, so there was just nothing to update.

So, as soon as there was an indication that I might sound like a man soon, my gut said “NOPE” and I worried a little bit about going too far in the masc direction. If I keep taking T then I will sound more masculine and I might regret it, but if I stop and find that my voice dysphoria could be relieved with a little more testosterone I can start again in a few months, right? So I decided to not take it that day unless I learned/felt something that indicated I should put the gel on, and... I didn’t.

The first couple of days were pretty uneventful. Around day 4 I started to feel really run-down and chronic joint pain from EDS was flaring up, so I cancelled near-future plans. Yesterday was like the worst of my (uterusless) periods, I was in a lot of abdominal and lower back pain and then last night I slept for 11 hours... And today, also typical of my uterusless periods, it feels like a storm has blown over and I feel like a new human.

So what I’ve concluded is, coming off T triggered a very, very bad period.

Also, the past couple of days I have once again been SO GREASY, and I got spots yesterday, which is unusual in itself, but these are striking because they are WEIRDLY HUGE?? One of them is on my jaw and has caused a very noticeable swelling, so I’ve named it Balthazar.

(From “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” S03E12: Nine Days.)

~

WHAT NEXT?

It’s only been a week, so I’m assuming more weirdness is coming, but it’s all going to be ovary-hormone-related silliness so I’m pretty much used to it and I’m not too worried.

I am sad that I will probably slip back towards feminine body fat distribution. I will probably lose some of the weight that testosterone brought with it, but the remaining weight will probably end up on my hips again. I am really not looking forward to dissociating my hips again but I don’t know what I can do about it except have liposuction every few years?! (I will not do that.)

I am also sad that the bad bits of my menstrual cycle will go back to Full Force, and that my EDS symptoms will worsen again.

I am very much looking forward to my body hair getting finer and lighter, and maybe my upper lip hair will fade a bit too. If not I will probably have to get it painfully removed.

I want a metoidioplasty. Unlike many trans guys, I want no testicular prostheses, no vaginectomy, no phalloplasty, no new urethra. The clinicians at Charing Cross are aware that I want to have a metoidioplasty, because I included it in a letter when I wrote to the endo about a blood test, to make sure my surgery needs are documented in my medical records from the earliest date possible. I did that because they have minimum-time requirements for a bunch of diagnoses and referrals (like, two appointments before hormone treatment recommendation), which you can sometimes get around by providing reasonable counter-arguments. One of their requirements for referring for genital surgery is being on testosterone for at least a year where clinically indicated, so since testosterone has done its job now that means I’m not clinically indicated for testosterone any more, and I’m hoping that being on T for only 8 months shouldn’t be an issue. I also found a blog by a trans guy who had a simple metoidioplasty like the one I want, and his blog posts are really helpful and informative and have good quality non-porn photos (so rare omg), and his junk and my junk are extremely similar in size and appearance. (Here are his before and after pics.) So, fingers crossed the docs will consider that I have been on T for long enough and my pudendum is developed enough that surgery is an option.

I’ve written to the endocrinologist to say that I’ve stopped putting on the Tostran gel, and to ask if I still need to have those blood tests I’m meant to be having. I’m due to see him on 1st July anyway, a little over a month from now, and no doubt I will have saved up a list of questions for him!

~

CONCLUSION

Testosterone works.

[jbjsflower]

Chan x Deep voiced! reader

Pairing: Bang Chan (Stray Kids) x Reader

Genre: soft as f*ck

Warnings: none

Requested: Nope

A/N: Okay so this idea came to my mind and I just had to write it down. I feel like k-pop doesn’t really appreciate deep voices in women and that pisses me off ‘cause it’s all about the high notes so there u go, a lil’ Chan scenario praising deep feminine voices!

You felt a huge burden on your shoulders when your manager told you who you were going to work with. Stray kids were already a well known male-group and of course you knew about their leader, Bang Chan. He wasn't only a triple threat (good at rap, dance and singing), but he was also a great composer. You would have felt really excited about this upcoming collab if it wasn't for your deep insecurities... almost as deep as your voice. When you were casted at your company you didn't really understand the reason, and to be honest you still don't know why they chose you. You and your group had debuted almost a year ago and you were really happy about being able to pursue your dream of becoming an idol, but there was something that made you feel uneasy. Ever since your debut you only received comments about how deep your voice was, and how raspy and manly it sounds. You had never had a problem with that before but after those comments started, it became your biggest insecurity. And now here you are, at the JYP building waiting for this guy to come. You felt bad for him, because you were sure he would prefer to work with any of the other members, which would make everything easier for him. But on the other hand, you wished he was okay with recording something with you. You saw a guy coming down the hall, he was wearing a black cap and you couldn't really see his face, but you were quite sure it was him. - Are you Y/N? - he asked. - Yeah, it's me... nice to meet you.- you answered, trying not to sound too nervous. - Nice to meet you too! I'm Chris.- he said, offering you a handshake. He guided you through the building, showing you a few places like the cafeteria, and also offering you to have a coffee together whenever you wanted. He seemed really nice, but you couldn't pay much attention to what he was saying since you were worried about the upcoming surprise. You finally made it to his studio, where he usually works composing new songs. Chan told you he had already prepared a few tracks to show you and you started listening to all of them. Your worst fear had appeared: high-pitch songs. - Well, what do you think?- Chan asked, waiting for a response. - Um, I...- you tried to speak. "How can I tell him..." you thought. You really liked the songs and you didn't want to fuck up... but any of them suit your voice. - If you don't like them we can change anything, or we could start composing a new track from zero, these were just ideas.- Chan added. - No, I mean, I love all of them, it's just... any of the tracks would fit my voice...- you tried to explain. - Oh... - Chan said, suddenly realizing the problem.- That's fine, we can fix any of these if you want. - Are you sure?- you asked. - Yeah, of course, I'll adapt to it, don't worry about that.- he answered with a smile. After a few days you met again. Chan changed the key of the track to make it fit your voice and he had also brought a draft with some ideas for the lyrics. You listened to the new track together and you felt so fortunate to work with someone like chan. The song was just perfect and his ideas were amazing. You hadn't really prepared anything beforehand so he asked you what kind of story you would like to tell. - I was thinking about something that's really personal to me.- you started.- I have received a lot of criticism because of my voice, things like I sound like a guy and I shouldn't be an idol... I thought maybe I could talk about my feelings towards these comments. - I think that's an amazing idea.- he said, writing something on his notebook.- Do you have anything in mind already? Soon you both started working on the lyrics together. The song started to take form as you kept adding new verses. You both were really happy with the results and you quickly finished it and started practicing. You worked hard on it, doing your best, but you still felt it wasn't good enough. You started thinking it was because your voice wasn't good and got blocked and frustrated. When you met Chan again, you thought maybe you should tell him to ask for a change of partner. - Y/N, you can't drop out.- Chan said, with a really serious look on his face. - But I can't do this well... it just doesn't sound right.- you said, almost about to burst into tears. - It will.- he answered, holding your hand. His sudden gesture made you lift your head to look at him, only to receive a warm encouraging smile. - Trust me. Your voice is unique, you have to stop being scared of using it. Make it your unique feature and let everyone know how beautiful a deep voice can be.- he said, still holding your hand. - I don't know how to do that...- you answered, still about to cry. - I'll help you.- he said.- Look, we will go have something to drink, then we'll get back in here and finish this song, okay? You nodded with a smile, following him while you wiped your tears. Your singing improved a lot with Chan's advices and you recovered your faith in the song and even in yourself. You practiced for hours without rest, you really wanted this song to show the best of you. The day of the release you were literally shaking. The song didn't have an MV but you still had to perform in front of a huge audience. The people watching were mostly Stray Kids fans, since your group wasn't too famous yet, and that made you even more nervous. Chan noticed you were feeling uneasy about the upcoming performance and tried to make you relax. He took your hand and told you everything would be okay. Soon someone came to tell you it was your turn to perform and your heart stopped. You felt like everything was becoming so real all of a sudden and you felt scared, but once again Chan's hand holding yours made you calm down. - Just do it as we practiced. You'll do great.- he smiled. His smile was everything you needed. You stepped on the stage and took a deep breath. The lights were off and all you could see were the lightsticks that the fans were holding. You could hear them scream and cheer and you felt finally ready to open up. The performance went on smoothly and you even cried while singing your parts. When you got to your rap you could hear the crowd cheering and that made you feel so alive. You were crying but it didn't matter, you carried on well. When the song was over everyone cheered for you loudly. You both thanked the fans and went back to the backstage. Your legs were trembling but you felt great. You had finally spoke about your true feelings, you had proven everyone you could sing and most importantly, you had proven low deep voices can also sound beautiful. - Thank you so much for everything you've done for me.- you told Chan. - You have nothing to thank me for.- he giggled.- It was you who made it. - But I wouldn't have made it without your help... - Okay then... you can buy me a drink to thank me.- Chan said, jokingly. - Sure.- you answered. - Great, I'll see you tomorrow. - Tomorrow? But... we're done practicing Chan.- you laughed. - I know, we're not practicing tomorrow. It's a date.- he answered. - What? A date?- you asked in shock. - I mean, only if you want to...- Chan said. - I'd love to.- you answered, blushing a little. - I'll pick you up after your daily practice then.- he smiled at your response. - Great, see you tomorrow.- you said, getting out of the taxi to enter your dorm's building. Chan watched you get in the building, almost dropping your things when you were trying to open the door. He giggled at that. He found you so cute since the very first day and was waiting for the release day to ask you out. Chan had a feeling things would go well with you, so he couldn't wait to see what the future held.

[thefreshfinds]

JOHNNY QUEST THE REBEL:

Johnny The Quest’s rhymes are beyond any listener’s wildest dreams. While others use their music to speak on artificial topics like sex, drugs & their drip, Johnny Quest the Rebel uses his natural skill to not only put the hating n-ggas to sleep, but he also conveys an influential message. If it isn’t through clever punchlines & entendres, then he gets personal — telling his own story for others to relate to. However Johnny Quest the Rebel is one who believes that one should F.R.Y.D  (F.ollow R.each Y.our D.reams) because he knows what it’s like to feel lost & unsure of how you are. Wholeheartedly he defines as one who’s empathic, truthful & real. The “Rebel” side comes from a daily challenge of having an active role in life. “I believe that one of our purposes is to unravel the world.” he goes on to say. On the whole Johnny Quest the Rebel is the voice who demands the world to give up the answers because often we are left wondering “why?”

Starting his musical journey in two different points of his life — Johnny Quest the Rebel first got his big break in 2000/2001. He recalls the first time he freestyled with his older brother & cousins in his Grandma’s basement, saying that they all grew up pretty humble. So Johnny figured if he could be a kid star like Bow Wow then they would never have to worry about money. As he grew up & did a couple of group projects, it wasn’t until he hit rock bottom in 2012 when he started to use music as a therapeutic process to help battle with anxiety & depression. “Music, amongst a few other things, helped me re-instill my confidence & got me out of my low.” Johnny Quest the Rebel adds “It always has, even as a listener, but I just owned that I wanted my music to do for others as it had for me.” After hearing responses from his music, Johnny decided to take music seriously. He was going to live his dream & wake up the people! Till this day he’s thanking his lucky stars. To define Johnny Quest the Rebel’s sound, would be more of a renaissance style. It has all the main components of our golden era of hip hop: storytelling, being the voice for those who are afraid to speak & genre defying — testing all sounds solely to reach different audiences. DREAM gives you a snippet of Johnny Quest the Rebel’s versatility and star power. “You will hear me express how it feels to have a dream even that moment when you realize you can really make it happen.” he adds. “Find your dream & pursue it with 1000% effort, 10x the amount you personally thought you could give.” All in all DREAM sheds some light on Johnny Quest the Rebel’s journey & gives people who have dreams some inspiration to keep going. Like the famous writer Marsha Norman says, “Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you.”

The Break Down:

1. Dream: Stomping into your circadian rhythm, Johnny the Quest keeps one alert in the first song “Dream”. Before the beat drop, an high pitched voice echoes out “Dream” over the white noise. Then the beat fuses in beside the familiar voice with sprialing hi-hats, an 808, reverse & futuristic sound effect. However once Johnny booms in saying “all I had was a dream” that’s when things go in full effect. As the beat continues on, Sunnie sings the chorus with effortless passion & sensuality, “If I close my eyes a little longer, baby everything will be ok *insert vocal run to “ok”*/In fact that don’t kill me, it only made me stronger/Well I say turn a dream into tomorrow/And turn tomorrow into today. Johnny Quest the Rebel then uses smooth yet minimal auto-tune for the cut-throat bars he’s about to spit. Ultimately, Johnny Quest The Rebel leads by example that anything is possible if you work hard for it & advices others to do the same. Sometimes we wait for opportunities to come but we should go and find them instead. An example can be seen from this very line from Johnny: “All about the timing, not the diamonds or the risk/But a young Rebel said I need to shine too/Hunting down dreams cause they won’t find you/.../If it glitter & it golden let it blind you.”

2. Truth or Dare: “Truth or Dare” levels up as the second track with a finely tuned violin chord & 808’s that are guaranteed to stick with you from the very beginning to the end. Ultimately the wise MC speaks on his undying hunger to accomplish his goal to make it. “Young Pixar, for my dreams I will risk all. Only way is up when you’re coming from a pitfall.” Even when he’s lived in a nightmare, he still rose with the sun & made things happen. Not only for himself, but for his people as well. Johnny Quest the Rebel also feels highly blessed & favored to be living his dream. Fading out is a voice that says “Don’t wake me up.” & then the famous phrase (and album title) “Dream.”

3. Projects 2 Mansions: “Projects 2 Mansions” breaks the rims off the speaker with it’s stormy base (& yes! It really does sound like it could come off an 90’s sitcom). As the base goes ham, the background leaves some space for the twinkle effect & hi-hats to work it’s magic. The reverb here is the “oooh” & “yeah” that’s highly pitched but also mesmerizing. As Johnny Quest the Rebel questions the listener “Is this everything that you’ve dreamed of? The most hated on I dream love.” he also uses punchlines & metaphors to speak on his luxurious life, living his best life with the homies & gives the haters something to think about. “Hustle like Russell, back when I had to bag a Kimora.” Johnny Quest the Rebel also spreads the word on how it happened (& if you do this too, who’s to say that it won’t happen as soon as tomorrow!?) “Cause I done paid my dues, I swear they cost a lot/.../Only reason that I’m here, somebody paid for me/Don’t get caught up in these streets & be somebodies prey homie. Instead of a 9 to 5, he’s doing what he loves. But to get there is pretty simple: Dream first, hustle second.

4. In My Zone: “Channel surfing on electric waves,” Johnny Quest the Rebel gives us some insight on what pushes him on a daily to achieve his dreams. “Catch Johnny on the star track/..All white but I’m all black/90’s baby so I’m all that/Searching for my bag of chips on different continents. Trying condiments. Even when the going gets rough, Johnny Quest the Rebel advices all in the song to just stay in your zone because eventually it will all pay off. Believe it or not, he’s been through the drafts. Still, he can never be taken out. In unison a feminine voice says in the back “In My Zone.” during certain parts (& the vocals even resemble the singer, The Weeknd’s range). The beat also has a chill-wave feel to it & just cruises into your cerebral cortex.

5. JOHNNY TSUNAMI (SKIT): This short excerpt sounds as if it comes from the greater times when technology was on the rise. At first the interviewer explains who Johnny Quest is & ask then goes on to ask him the question, “Why this quest for the perfect wave?”. Gracefully, he stays composed & gives the best answers to this one which are followed by a couple more.

6. Top of The World: As he takes a hit & answers how to catch the perfect wave — Johnny Quest the Rebel, the beat goes ham with laser beams & hi-hats. While on a “surf board with a dream catcher,” the MC goes to say that this first verse was a favorite because he left some gems that most people won't understand on the first listen. “I love when people listen them come back weeks or months later & are like, “Oh that’s what you meant”. This song also falls in as his favorite one off the project as well, “It came together so smoothly & it’s a dope song.” he adds “I wanted a record that I was able to stay true but that could be listened to in different spaces that everybody could get on they wave.” For me, I interpreted this song’s message as a P.S.A for those who are afraid to break out of their comfort zone. Don’t say you’re going to do something. Just do it. Even if you fall, brush yourself off. Try again. After all, you create your destiny. An example can be seen in these lines: “Life’s a b*tch & I treat it like a model..Now they’re calling me the Native Sun/Waves speaking in my native tongue/Talk back with a body language/English probably is a second language.”

7. www.(420 Reprise): Paying contribute to his right hand Mary Jane, the beat takes a sultry approach( which could be contributed thanks to the fumes or the lighter that sparks up in every song off of Dream) & finds a way to our “Blaze it Up” playlist. As the guitar strings make an appeasing tune, Johnny Quest The Rebel speaks about his daily ritual: to smoke & drink water. Yet he also lets us in a little & speaks on the best piece of advice he’s received from his lady “She tell me not to worry ‘bout what they say/Master your high, grasshopper till you feel like Sensei/And then you treat the world like it’s your dojo/ You gotta give back where nobody can steal your mojo.” At the end, the guitar goes into solo & nails what a guitar riff should sound like.

8. 20/20 Vision: In midst of the snaps, snares & twinkle sound effect — Johnny Quest the Rebel sings in auto-tune “I see in 20/20 my vision, so clear, so clear.” According to the MC the profound message is that any/everyone who has a dream is going to see their vision before anyone will support it or believe it is possible. “Shit this record might make someone quit they day job.” Johnny adds. As long as you keep your focus & work ethic intact then the sky is the limit.

By: Natalee Gilbert

LINK(S):

1. DREAM: https://soundcloud.com/jquesttherebel/sets/dream

2. Instagram: @jquesttherebel

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

HC for blood rituals with Michael!

Headcanon Blood Ritual With Michael Langdon...

Requested by anon

Warning: Satanic Ritual, References of Satan, Satanic Symbols Including Pentagram/Satanic Incantations/Ritual Room Or Alter/Blood As Well As Consuming Blood, Smut

Word Count: 1, 814 (I know kinda long can't help it lol 😂)

*Michael uses Satanic and blood rituals as a means of communicating with his father. This can serve quite a few purposes…

1. For a period of emotion and release. It is a period of mental exercise and physical relaxation. Inner reflection and outward expression go hand in hand.

2. A ceremony to aim towards expanding his mind, to allow his father to break barriers and for him to express himself.( The more barriers broken, the more clearly he can see)

3. Used as a means of self-expression, to wean away taboo and mental barriers, rather than suppression or focusing on  guilt complexes.

4. To willingly assume the animalistic attributes of purity, honesty and increased sensory perception.

5. To help bolster the will of his father, offering Michael direction through increased focus.

6. To set the him on the road to his own personal discovery where it brings to light what he might achieve.

 *A quiet place is chosen to reflect, speak to as well as listen and be completely open to anything that his father has to say. (This can be referred to as a state of mind so it's best to be open minded and ready to hear what Satan has to say).

*This space can a room or an alter and personalized to specific needs, Michael often chooses a quiet room. Candles are lit as well as Cinnamon or Sandlewood incense.

*The use of blood in Michael's case is used. It is a symbolic death and rebirth, as literal bodily birth that involves bleeding. Blood is typically seen as very powerful. Blood sacrifice is considered by him along with, ritual magic, and spell casting to intensify his powers.

1. Using a dagger he makes deep cuts down both of his forearms or wrists. If Y/N is also involved then both have the same deep cuts in the exact same spots. (Michael is quite powerful so it doesn't take much to heal the cuts regardless of how deep they may be.

2. When both Michael and Y/N are involved each there is  consumption of blood. This is regarded as producing energy useful in means of sexual, as well as a healing, or mental stimulus.

*A pentagram is painted on the floor (tile floor specifically) using their combined blood. The Pentagram signifies the domination of the mind over the elements.  The demons of air, the spirits of fire, the phantoms of water, and the ghosts of earth are enchained by this sign.

1. A very important note on this… The Pentagram is a powerful symbol representing the operation of the Eternal Spirit and the four elements, the single point upward representing the rule of the Divine Spirit over the world of matter.

2. Used as a means of protection.(is a temporary, but effective, space in which to recoup one's forces.)

*Michael & Reader both raise their hands above their heads, they seek to contact his father.  They lower their arms, they imagine his presence, which is their greater selves descending upon them from above as a brilliant ray of light, permeating through them and with the divine influence of his father.

1. Michael draws a circle around the pentagram, The Circle must be complete, continuing in an unbroken line from Pentagram to Pentagram.  The impression should be a ring of light studded in four places with stars of flame.

*In some cases his ritual space there were  inverted crosses, Y/N naked, and a beast-headed participant. (The purpose was to separate the participant from the outside world. Wearing a black devil suit, complete with a cape and horns, the fiendish imagery of the devil in the flesh.

*When Y/N is at  the altar, she serves as the Whore, goddess or feminine element that is a  sexual sacrifice. She lays on the altar as Michael recites his verses.Y/N represents the image and promise of lust upon the altar. (Y/N's role as a sexual being,is seen as the (virgin) maiden instead of the mother-goddess or the dark crone.

*Michael recites the following: "Oh hear the Infernal Names of :Abaddon, Kali, Sekhmet, and Dagon Drink from your chalice.Turn clockwise, pointing your athame, cane, or sword at each quarter and call forth the Princes of Hell: Satan from the north, Lucifer from the West, Belial from the south, and Leviathan from the east."

*During the evocation, Michael calls upon his father to commune. When he  appears he takes control his body. (Satan opens a channel of communication through Michael)

*When satan enters the ritual room he gives y a clear signal something will fall or move or you will hear a crackling sound from the candles. ( you both make yourselves sensitive to the signals that appear during ritual)

*Mediums of communications with satan can include the following…

1. Vision: Y/N and Michael may see his father physically with your open eyes with the strong perception of your minds raising the demon in front of both you so he can been seen by your naked eye.

2. Voices: both of you can hear demons voices during the ritual.The sound of crackling candles is the most common event which occurs when Satan enters the realm. So any kind of low sound or a very high type of voices can be observed during summoning process.

3. Dreams: there are times that Michael's father chooses to communicate to either or both of you through your dreams.

4. Emotions: A sudden change in either of your emotions indicate the presence of a demon or Michael's father. The rushing of blood suddenly indicates the presence of the supernatural and unseen power around Michael and Y/N.

*Evocation to Michael's father at times can include Scrying or gazing into the mirror in order to see Michael's father as he appears   before you both.

*Invocation: Invocation is the process in which Michael's father enters his body. Michael and his father have a direct connection through his physical body. Once Satan enters Michael's human body by the process of invocation his voice changes. His face turns white and his eyes pitch black (this is known as the white faced demon).

*A blade and a chalice are set up nearby, the contents of the chalice is Michael's and Y/N's blood mixed. Michael recites the following to Y/N during the ritual: “ I pledge my soul, ever to your service. Like this blade my love for you will be strong and enduring, so that our lives together will always be protected. Accept it, my beloved, and with it all that is mine becomes yours.” he pauses a moment. “ I will always be your true friend, to love you and lend you aid and protection. By seed and root, by bud and stem, by leaf and flower and fruit, by life and love, in the name of Satan, I, Michael, take you, Y/N, to my hand, my heart, and my spirit.”

*Y/N recites to Michael: “ I pledge this chalice, as I pledge my soul, ever to your service. As from this cup, my love for you will pour forth so that our lives together will be nourished. Accept it, my beloved, and with it all that is mine also becomes yours.” you  takes both of his hands in yours. “ I will always be your true friend, to love you and lend you aid and protection. By seed and root, by bud and stem, by leaf and flower and fruit, by life and love, in the name of Babalon, I, Y/N, take you, Michael, to my hand, my heart, and my spirit.”

*Michael recites: “ This bond I draw between us; when we are parted in mind or body, there will be a call in the core of us, one to the other, to which nothing and no one else will answer. By the secrets of the earth and water is this bond woven, unbreakable, irrevocable. By the law that created fire and wind is this bond written in our souls.”  (Y/N's hands are bound by rope of which he removes)

*Michael: “ Our vows have been made before my father. Our vows, are without beginning or end. They are the physical representation of our promises to each other's spirits.”

*Michael dips the blade into the chalice, he takes the blade smearing blood across Y/N stomach and carefully across her neck, breasts and thighs. ( this marks you as his own)

*Y/N does the same smearing blood across Michael's stomach, chest, neck, and very lower abdomen (Just above his cock, in turn this marks him as yours)

*”Father join us as one.” Michael replies, once more taking the dagger he reslices one of his forearms open allowing the blood to drip freely across your naked body in various spots. He brings his arm to your lips instructing you to drink his blood, without any hesitation that's exactly what you do. His blood is full bodied with a woody flavor with notes of cinnamon very rich.

*Y/N takes the dagger slicing open one of her forearms once more as well. Her blood adorns his body like a perfume, he brings her arm to his lips. Due to your blood type your blood is smooth with hints of honey with a surprisingly floral finish. Michael loved the taste it was sweet it was sensually arousing to him.

*Michael looks at your naked body covered in both of your combined blood, “ all that blood looks good on you, it really brings out your eyes.” He all but groans out.

*Michael uses one of his knees to pry open your legs exposing you to him. When he mounts you your breath hitched as he entered you, “so tight my Lilith.” He whispers in your ear. Your walls tighten around his length causing a growl of arousal from him you felt certain the length & thickness of his cock would surly rip you open from inside out. He gave you a moment to adjust to him before taking slow even thrusts. The pain subsided and pleasure taking over, you met his thrusts bucking your hips under him. “I am all yours love.” He whispered a feeling of pure raw sexual ecstasy washed over you, you could feel an orgasm edge closer & closer.

*“M-Mich…” You pant breathlessly, he pulls you into the position of straddling him his entire length inside you. You threw your head back eyes closed enjoying the feelings that pulsated through you. Both your bodies so much in perfect tune your walls tightened once more as you both hit an orgasm simultaneously causing the pentagram surrounding you both to catch fire. Opening your eyes looking deeply into his both of which were pitch black. “Ave Satanas..” both of you chanted at once.

Credit found via Gifycat