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thebluester2020 · 2 months ago

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[TWST] Kinktober Day 13: "Masturbation"

Summary: With you being the only girl on campus, Leona already had an idea that there would be competition! Luckily for him however, catching you alone at night proved to be his lucky break.

Warning(s): Solo Masturbation (Leona fingers the reader), Teasing, Slight Bullying (I got a thing for Leona being mean man), Fingering, Leona being possessive (in kinda a jealous way tbh).

Side Note(s): Okay so a few things mostly in regards to how I'm going to treat anything I write for TWST from now on. One, I'm going to write as if Night Raven College was an actual college. For the sake of me being confused as to what's what regarding the school system, I gotta do what I gotta do in order to help myself 💀.

Two— y'all I gotta update my yuu oc's sheet. I'm seeing so many fancy ones on here that it's giving me major inspo.

It was hard for him to admit it to himself at first but...Leona Kingscholar had a crush.

Sure, it was easy to say that it was only a matter of time before he gained one on you, especially when you were the only girl on campus but he thought he had more strength of will than that! So many others had a crush on you, too many fools lamenting about how they either wanted to date you or sleep with you. It was becoming annoying at this rate, and at first? Leona couldn't wait to hear the news that Headmaster Crowley had finally found your home and sent you back, just so he could stop hearing students in SavannaClaw constantly groaning about you.

Then it began to divulge into something else.

One class period, strangely enough, you were without your cat. In every class he had shared with you prior, you were always preoccupied with the cat and seemed to feed off his mischief and antics. Like a little duckling trying to mimic every single living thing in order to find its place.

Bothersome.

But he ignored it well enough until he witnessed you being...focused for once. And there, he gained a strange warmth in his chest as he found himself staring, admiring your gracefulness as you sat in your chair and the way you showed a surprising amount of intelligence, one that was usually hidden away by how much you were coddling the only other member of that Ramshackle Dorm. Sure, he didn't have much room to admire nor talk about someone being focused with how little he cared for his classes personally but...there was something regal about you in particular being focused.

But, as quick as he felt that warmth blooming, he snuffed it out.

No way was he entering a pointless rat race for one girl when thousands of other students were competing in the same competition.

Until tonight.

When he found you sitting all on your lonesome inside the Botanical Gardens, reading a book no less.

"Herbivore?" He smirked at how fast you responded to the name he had given you.

You quickly closed the book and stood. "L-Leona?" You gulped. "What are you doing out so late?"

"I could ask the same of you," He rose his brow, his gaze going from the book in your hand to the clothes you were wearing. You looked as if you had just rolled out of bed and decided to walk out of your room. "It's dangerous to be out so late, a lot of predators hunt at night and you're easy prey."

You rolled your eyes, deciding to sit back down on the bench and scoot over enough to allow the prince some room to sit if he wished.

Shockingly, he took the silent offer. "Enough of the animal references," You huffed. "It's safe on this campus, much better than my world where I actually need to be afraid." Leona flicked his ear at your wording, he was tempted to press further on your meaning but...he decided to leave the matter for another time. After all, his original reason for being out here was simple. He felt like going out for a nighttime stroll, feel the cool breeze on his skin and all that and maybe taking a small nap here as well.

With you being here although...his plans started to shift a little.

"A romance book?" You slammed your novel shut when Leona pointed out the genre of your book, a blush quickly appearing on your cheeks as you immediately shot a glare to the prince. "Fairytales don't exist herbivore." He chuckled quietly at the growing red on your face.

"For your information, it's not a fairytale. It's a play!" You huffed. "Romeo and Juliet, a tale of forbidden lovers, do you have anything like that in this world?" The beastman shrugged his shoulders, although he was well-versed in different literatures. Romance and forbidden love stories were never his preferred genre to read, to him? It always felt like something to give to young princesses who were hoping that some tall knight would sweep them off of their feet.

He tsked at the very thought of it. "There are plenty of forbidden love stories in this world. Your little book is probably just as predictable as the next one."

"Oh really?"

He nodded his head. "Let me guess...someone dies in the book? Maybe both of them?"

Leona laughed at your silence, causing you to gently shove at his arm at his confidence. Personally, you wouldn't lie to yourself when you said that the idea of a love story appealed to you, especially more so now that you were in a world where magic and princes existed! Hell, you were talking to one right now! However, as you looked at him through the corner of your vision...he wasn't anything like Romeo. He was arrogant, blunt, and a little bit rude. You hadn't forgotten that his ambitious plan lead to you nearly being ran over during the Spelldrive games!

But despite all that? Those very same attributes...they attracted you all the same.

Suddenly, Leona caught a scent in the air, one that made him breathe deeply before exhaling slowly. "What's going on in that head of yours herbivore?" He questioned with a tilt of his head.

"I'm thinking about when you're going to leave and let me continue reading," You lied through your teeth, causing the prince to smirk as he slowly moved closer to you, still giving you ample room to move away in case you were uncomfortable. Yet...as that scent grew sweeter and more potent, it seemed that you were anything but uncomfortable with his presence. "Really?" He pressed. "Something tells me you're thinking about something else herbivore...perhaps this prince can grant it for you."

You twitched a little when Leona suddenly placed a hand on your thigh. The scent of an earthy soap on his body reached your nostrils and, steadily, you began to feel your mind slipping a little.

Until you remembered, you had to hold strong. "...I'm thinking about how much I want you to get away from me." You continued to try and lie, your futile attempts making the prince's smirk grow even more as he continued to laugh.

"Cute," He scoffed. "You know...if you're honest, I'll reward you really nicely." His hand began to move a little, not traveling either upward or downward but only drawing a circle in your skin with his thumb. Your breathing became heavier, the scent of your growing arousal making the prince feel as if he were sipping on the most delectable wine in all the lands. Still, he wanted to hear a word of consent from you before he proceeded.

"Reward?" You panted, gulping before you gained the courage to look Leona in the eyes where his green orbs seemed to almost glow in the darkness. "What...what reward are you talking about?"

"What fun is there in telling you when I can show you?" His thumb stilled as you considered your response. There was little point in denying it to yourself, you could feel that you were absolutely soaked, your sex twitching in anticipation of Leona's touch whilst you could almost feel yourself drowning in the prince's gaze. You wanted to tell yourself that you had no business having sex with a prince, risking the possibility of developing more of an attachment to this world than you already were. But...it was way too hard to think that way when you so badly wanted to feel his warmth. "Show me." You finally whispered.

Finally, Leona's lips found your own before his hand eagerly moved up to your clothed pussy. He laughed against your lips, parting briefly from you as he licked his lips clean of your sweet-tasting lipstick. "Already this wet for me herbivore? All that talk earlier must've been a heap of lies." He then pressed another kiss to your lips before peppering a trail of kisses down your cheek and to the side of your neck. Oh, he was so tempted to mark you right here and right now in this garden but...Leona willed himself to play the long game rather than try to obtain all of his winnings in one single night. He'd get you addicted to his touch first, getting you to beg and plead for him to take you but, as cruel as it would be, he'd deny you. After all, it was more fun to have you come to him rather than him come to you.

"Ah..." You moaned sweetly, the beastman's ears perking to the sound.

"I-It's because you're so d-damn arrogant..." You said breathlessly before you whined at the feeling of cold air hitting your sex when Leona pulled your underwear to the side. The prince ignored your words, too focused on how you squeaked and shuddered each time he kissed you and especially how you grabbed at his shoulders like a lifeline when he began to touch your twitching sex.

"All this just from talking to me, herbivore?" He then trailed his lips back up to your cheek before whispering in your ear. "How shameless..." He continued to lightly scold you before he dipped a finger inside your pussy, your grip upon his shoulders getting tighter from the action.

"And here you were reading a romance novel...did your precious characters do something like this in that little book of yours?"

You shook your head with a whiney 'no' in response. "Oh?" Leona briefly flashed his teeth as he smiled. "You must've been really eager for something like this to happen then," He continued to whisper in your ear as his finger began to lightly thrust in and out of your pussy, the sound of your moans increasing only making the prince's cock strain harder in his pants. But, for the moment, he'd ignore his own desires in other to please you.

"You have a crush on anyone?" Leona lightly nipped your ear.

He felt his ego grow when you shook your head no, he had a completely blank slate to work off of. To make sure that you got addicted to him and no one else. "My lucky day then...I get a cute lil' herbivore to play around with then. It'd be pretty awkward to fuck you with my fingers before you'd leave and smile in your crush's face next." Then, he curled his finger a little, a whine leaving your lips when he suddenly hit your g-spot. At the sound, Leona began to press into that spot with more accuracy, causing you to wrap your arms around his neck as you pulled him closer to your body.

"L-Leona!" You gasped.

"Tch, you sound like a lioness in heat. All from a little fingering?" He teased. A knot began to form in the pit of your stomach as you continued to clench around Leona's finger at his words, the combination of his typically rude and sarcastic tone mixed with the pleasure he was delivering you making your head spin. Then, Leona added a second finger and his thumb into the mix. The addition of the rubbing against your clit and the increased thickness from the second finger making you whine Leona's name.

He had to hold himself back from cumming in his pants like some teenager at the sound. "F-Fuck—! L-Leona...!" You gasped. "Your fingers...f-feel so good..."

"Yeah?" He placed a surprisingly gentle kiss on your lips. "You're so much more honest when you have a couple of fingers tending to this needy hole of yours, don't you?" He chuckled.

You dumbly nodded your head, your further honesty to his question only making his ego grow as the pace of his thrusts increased. He had to cover your mouth with his hand to help muffle your moans, the feeling of your drool against his palm making the prince hiss at the dirtiness of it all. In this moment, he felt more akin to a thief rather than a prince. Stealing away the purity of the seemingly innocent princess, who was "promised" to her knight. Leona moaned at the thought, and what's more? With the way you called out his name and clung to him like you were begging him to give you pleasure, trying to continue to plead your case for him to give you what you so desperately want, Leona couldn't deny how quickly his desires for you grew.

"So loud herbivore..." He said with an unusually sweet tone as his ears started to move to the sound of your cunt beginning to squelch. Your slick started to stick to Leona's palm and drip down onto the bench, filling the air with the smell of sex as Leona picked up the pace of his fingers even more. "Gonna cum soon? Your drippin'."

You answered with a loud moan as your eyes started to roll to the back of your head while your hips started to thrust onto his fingers in time with his movements. Your cunt tightened around his fingers, making the prince have to put more work into fucking you until...you whined loudly behind his palm, your pussy clenching and unclenching around his fingers rapidly before you finally relaxed as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm.

When you made a noise of discomfort though, he finally removed his fingers.

"Dirty," He mumbled, spreading his fingers as he lewdly played with your slick before finally sticking the digits into his mouth.

You blushed at the sight, weakly turning your head to the side before Leona snickered and made you face him once more. "Next time...let's do this in my dorm room, hm?"

#smut #twst fanfic #twst fandom #twst #disney twst #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst leona x reader #twst leona #twst writing #leona x reader #leona smut #leona twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar #twst smut #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twistedwonderland

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

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i was reading your fics, and was reading one where daemon is going up against cregan a little bit. i got this idea, cregan giving the reader a direwolf puppy as a gift. daemon makes a snide comment about it and cregan just turns to him, telling him that your enjoying your new pet, and who knows, maybe one day cregan will give you puppies.

daemon seethes as cregan walks away, acting as if he didn't just imply he was gonna breed you.

Puppy Love

Daemon Targaryen x Reader + Cregan Stark x Reader

Summary: Ever since you came of age, you became the jewel of the court and your father turned down proposal after proposal, knowing if the man didn't want your massive dowry, they wanted to claim and corrupt your beauty and kind nature. And the only reason why your father hasn't chewed up the all too friendly dragon prince, was because he was doing most of his job for him. And anyway, your father knew you were too kind to think his attentions to you were anything more than friendly.

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: Fem!reader, 'too kind' reader, jealous!daemon, smitten!cregan, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: first of all, i have written quite a few fics were I've added cregan as uh an opponent for daemon so HAHHAH im not sure which one you mean, though I have an inkling it's Wish I Was Her (this is not a p2 of this btw) second of all, /: cregan dumb for giving away a direwolf to some rando dafaq. third of all, i really want do a take on a 'traditionally feminine reader' since i normally dont do that lol so im tryna make reader fit the period more, without making her a damsel in distress. wish me luck Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony

You straighten the brown paper in one hand while you fiddle with the wax seal that was on it moments ago. You snort through your nostrils, beaming at the ink on the the letter, eager to both reach the end of the page, and not wanting the words to end at all.

Daemon, who had been walking with purpose, forgets where he was going along the way when he spots you. You, the giggling lady, sat comfortably on the stone blocks that separated the garden and the hall.

The prince's stoic demeanor melts into an expression similar to yours when you smile at what you were reading. What were you reading? A letter? A letter from-

Quickly, the realization of what kind of letters a lady such as yourself would be receiving that would cause you to giggle like that makes his expression splat into annoyance.

With twice as much purpose, he struts over to you and calls out your name. You immediately avert your gaze, smile widening at the sight of him.

Good.

"My prince," you speak, bowing your head just as Daemon reaches you.

Daemon raises his brows and drops his lips, eyeing the paper in your hand, "a good read?"

You release a chuckle at the expression he pulls, "a very good read. I say Alaric is as good with the quill as he," you point to the paper, "harks to me how good he is with the blade."

He grunts, "Alaric." Where has he heard that tatty name before?

You chuckle as you watch Daemon stiffen. He places his hands behind him, slowly walking to the other side of the block you were sat on, sitting there across you, "which moronic suitor is he again?"

You drop your letter on your lap, tilting your head at the fuming prince, who now had his arms crossed. "Alaric," you start with a chuckle, "is my darling cousin, Anna's, son."

Ahh, Daemon blinks, that's why his name is familiar.

You snort, "he has merely just turned ten and one, your grace."

He clears his throat.

"Do you not recall rejecting my offer to attend the boy's nameday?" you speak through an amused grin.

"I've never cared for namedays," he trails off, crossing his arms.

You laugh. He turns to you because of it. How could he not when your laugh was like that? Your being beams in amusement, glowing like a star. It makes the prince emit a soft chuckle.

"If I didn't know any better," you say in between catching your breath, "I'd you were jealous of a child, my prince."

You catch the small smile on Daemon's face as he pretends to be offended, "and I'd say you've been reading too much."

Very suddenly, you gasp and point at him, making him pull his head back and his expression drop. His concern drops when you say, "is that a blush I see? Ooh!"

Daemon's arms loosen at your words. As if eager to make your words true, he begins to feel his body burn. Damn body.

You gasp the second time before throwing your head back in laughter, "I do say," you sigh, "scarlet suits you well."

Daemon rolls his eyes and shakes his head as he stands from his spot.

"Well, I mean, it is one of the colors of your house."

"Yes," he drops his hands to the side and walks over to you, "and I should well ought to make it your own."

And though Daemon smirks when he says this, your brows furrow at the thought. His vanilla baby.

"It would be pointless to try and convince my father to change anything about our house."

He sighs as you refold your paper, trapping a waxen seal in its center, and move to stand next to him, "in our actual house, I had to argue with him to change our drapes."

"No," Daemon says in shock, as if he actually cared.

"Yes!" you shake your head, "it was terrible! I had to remind him that I was now the woman of the house."

"Oh, that does sound terrible," Daemon huffs, eyes widening. He watches you as you believe in his empathy. He watches as you smile at his disingenuous words. Two beasts rip at him from within.

Normally, naïveté and slow-wittedness were traits that repelled him, especially in its womanly form, as it was drawn from the sheltered nature ladies like yourself were bred into. The dragon in him found this dull and all too conforming. He liked the burn from the whores, who would snarl if you took more than what you paid for.

Yet this personal brand of innocent on you was dizzying to him. One beast wanted to protect the purity within you, while the other wanted to taint it until all remained was him.

"And yes-" you take a moment to continue, "those were my mother's beloved drapes but... they had not been changed since her passing."

Daemon presses his lips together when you turn to the ground with a solemn expression. He does not get a moment to share the semblance of comfort in which he was capable of, because you quickly smile at him the way you always do and comfort yourself, "it is good to remember those who have passed, but they would not want for us to mourn them too long."

For once, he responds with honesty, "they would not, no."

The moment you smile at his words, your attention is taken from the prince.

You are called by a servant, who tells you there is a man waiting for you in the main hall. You courteously thank the servant and turn to Daemon, "thank you for ke-"

"I will escort you to your visitor," Daemon smiles, though not a real one.

You return a genuine one nevertheless, "I am grateful, but I do not wish to bother you, nor take up more of the time you already so graciously offered me."

Daemon takes your hand and pulls you near him with little regard, "you dare dictate what I do and do not with my time?"

You press your lips as you body collides with him.

"As though you were my wife?"

You clench your jaw, unintending to overstep, "my prince, I did not mean for it-"

"Yes, well," he cuts you off, "let us meet this moron who wishes to meet you."

"You know," you smile, "it may well not be a suitor."

Daemon chuckles, "I'm surprised you even caught onto that."

"Well, how could I not?" you chuckle, "when you were just jealous a child!"

He loses his smug expression. He scoffs into a chuckle as you laugh at him. "Oh very good," Daemon rolls his eyes and slowly claps his hand, "I'll give you credit. I did not expect that."

But what he very much did expect was that your audience was sought by a suitor; one large, slobbering dog of a suitor.

Very truly, Daemon's grumbling was merited, for why were you so enamored by the wolf-man and this overgrown rat-pup he bought with him?

He scoffs as you coo at the furry creature for the hundredth time, and for what? For doing absolutely nothing but expose its incompetence to walk in a fucking straight line?

And what's more, for every time the degenerate baby wolf toppled over, you tugged at its master's arm and pointed, leaning into him as you laughed and expressed jovial sentiments over the creature.

The prince rolls his eyes from the armchair he was sat on.

What was so impressive about a dog? There were dozens of strays outside the walls. He could get you twenty right now. A dragon egg should have elicited such a response from you, not this.

"Oh, dear Cregan-"

Gods, dear Cregan, she says.

"-your pup is a ray of sunshine on this chilly day," you speak.

Daemon watches you smile angelically at the large man with muddy dark hair and wiry curls. He watches as the cretin bares his teeth at you like a wolf does its prey, and you mistake it for genuinely, as always.

"If you are cold, my lady," Cregan says, removing the brown pelt on his shoulders, "then allow me to warm you."

Daemon straightens where he was slouched.

You recoil at Cregan's generosity, raising your hands as you shake them, "oh, my lord, I could not possibly accept the clothes on your back."

You watch as Cregan's rosy cheeks pull up with his smile, "then would you prefer I give you one your own?"

Cregan put on his fur again. You open your mouth to speak, but it is Daemon's voice that sounds, "she would rather you fuck off back to the North, dog."

You still at Daemon's words, promptly turning to him with a hardened expression of disbelief, "my prince-"

"And you best take your defective animal with you," he adds, grimacing at the wolf-pup chewing at a ball of wound fabric.

"Prince Daemon," you call tersely.

Daemon turns to you, expression unable to melt with the presence of that oaf on your side.

"Please do not speak for me as though your sentiments and mine own are one and the same," you calmly say.

Daemon scoffs. Cregan chuckles.

You turn to Cregan with a guilty expression, "I apologize on the behalf of ill-contrived words against you, Lord Cregan."

"No, you don't," Daemon quips as he stands, "don't fucking-"

"I appreciate your sentiment, my lady," Cregan ignores the whimpers of the lizard prince, "though you needn't worry yourself, for I am not wounded by words from the likes of him."

"The likes of me?" Daemon sneers as he storms over.

You turn to Daemon, suddenly at your side. Your eyes widen at the fury on his features. You hands instinctively come to his arm when he appears as though he is about to lunge at Cregan.

Cregan watches you do this, watches you calm the hot blooded fiend. Part of him burns in a shade green at your shared familiarity, but he is more amused by the fact you turn to him with a concerned look, nonverbally expressing your concerns that you, in fact, to not want him to pound your prince if he attempts anything. And so he laughs.

Cregan laughs and takes a step back, allowing you to step between them and push Daemon away in return.

Daemon's ire is fueled further, "what, you halfbreed?!"

You grunt as you turn back to Cregan, relieved he was smiling and not partaking in the hotheadedness the other man was.

"Did you fuck your wolf yourself to offer the pup to her?"

You recoil at the grotesque notion. You cannot stop yourself from calling out the prince's name in anger and bewilderment, "Daemon!"

Cregan laughs. It draws your attention. You sigh, "Cregan, I beg your par-"

"No!" Daemon barks, peering down at you, "he's come here on the intent of you bearing his pups, girl, and you'd so readily drop on your knees for him?!"

"He's brought one pup, Daemon!" you quip pulling away from him as you shake your head, "and I have no intentions of keeping the little wolf," you turn to Cregan, "for I have no such capabilities nor capacities to care for one!"

Daemon grinds his teeth. You heave.

Good enough.

The prince finds slight catharsis in your words. His anger does not fade however, because Cregan's grin is as wide as ever.

"Actually," Cregan raises his hands casually, "I have spoken to your father about the pup and he said he would accept it, for I am also giving you one of my servants as an aid."

The two men watch as you perk at the idea.

"Oh!," you gasp in disbelief, "so..." you break into a wide smile, "I can keep the wolf?!"

Cregan laughs as he nods, "and even better, you can name it."

Daemon is appalled by your next actions.

You run and throw yourself onto Cregan, sealing him into a hug for a moment before pulling back in realization your actions were most indecent.

Cregan however prevents you from pulling away too far, hands coming to your waist as he smiles down at you. He speaks with a lopsided grin, "I have been meaning to bring you the pup ever since we spoke about my pregnant wolf when you visited me in the North."

When you what?

"Will your dear Luna not mourn the loss of her puppy?"

LUNA?

Cregan chuckles, pulling his hands away from you, not because he wanted to, but because, between the two of them, he was currently the more amicable in your eyes, and he was not about to ruin that, "I assure you, she will fair fine, as she is preoccupied with three more at home."

You frown, stepping back from Cregan to turn to the pup, not at all seeing the twitching face of your prince, "still... I must not let him be forgotten by her mother and likewise."

Cregan smiles at the sentiment, "you have a kind heart, my lady," he takes your hand, "I would be glad to bring my wolves to your home whenever you want."

You are horrified by the notion, "oh please, it would be much better if I came to you."

Cregan nods, lips in a smirk, "I shall await then."

You seemed to be caught off-guard by the fact you unwittingly just made plans with the Stark.

And you had meant to explain you could not simply agree to his offer, but you were distracted by the string of High Valyrian being spewed into the air, paired by the loud sound of the prince marching out of the room.

#daemon targaryen fanfic #daemon x reader #daemon targaryen x reader #house of the dragon fic #house of the dragon fanfic #daemon fanfic #daemon targaryen #house of the dragon #cregan x reader #cregan stark #cregan stark x reader #cregan fanfic #cregan stark fanfic #cregan stark fluff

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sl-ut · 11 months ago

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like real people do

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA

pairing: abby anderson x fem!reader

description: abby is one hundred percent, totally, and completely straight. that is, until she meets y/n.

warnings: UNEDITED, swearing, slight hints of nsfw, alcohol consumption, a hint of homophobia? (not really but just in case)

words: 5.9K

date posted: 08/02/24

The years had not been kind to Abby. By the time that she and her friends were celebrating her twenty-first birthday, the woman had suffered many losses; the death of her mother at a young age, her father’s murder a few years back, and most recently, her breakup with Owen. She was quick to discover that the universe was not exactly on her side.

From her perspective, Owen was not just a boyfriend. Of course, he was hardly even that at most times, but he also represented the time in her life where everything was good; Salt Lake City, spending time in the woods with him and her dad, playing stupid little games to pass the time with him, Manny, and Mel…he reminded her of when everything was easier. She sometimes felt guilty for this, considering that she sometimes couldn’t tell whether her emotional attachment to him was because of how much she cared for him or for the impossible standards she’s always held him to.

Seattle represented a new beginning for her and her friends. They were able to find a new community, stay together, and live a semi-normal life that even the Fireflies were unable to offer them. Things were good there, people generally liked her, and she was quickly making her way up the ranks as one of the top WLF soldiers, though there were certainly some downsides. At the WLF compound, she began to see things in a new light; She was able to focus on herself for once, do the things that she wanted and branch out more than before. She was no longer limited to the small world of the few Fireflies who actually made it out of Salt Lake City.

It’s for this reason that she holds herself at least somewhat accountable for how things ended with Owen. Of course, she didn’t blame herself for his infidelity, nor for him choosing to do so with one of her closest friends, but she knew that it was her distance that caused the rift to form between them. She felt betrayed by them, obviously, but as time passed, it seemed clear to her that she was more hurt by the fact that it was her two closest confidants who had caused the pain, not the fact that Owen and Mel had been sleeping together for months before she and Owen called it quits.

Her saving grace during this period of her life came in the form of someone she would later consider her best friend, despite how offended Manny gets each time she calls her that. Her first interaction with Y/n was the moment that she knew she needed to have her in her life, one way or another.

She hadn’t noticed her right away, but who would? Amidst the thunderous crowd of the cafeteria just before lunch, it would be nearly impossible to notice anyone who she wasn’t directly looking for, which in a way, is how Abby noticed her to begin with. Manny was actually the one to sniff her out first, as he so often did with pretty girls, his midnight black hair standing out against the white fluorescent lighting. She beelined for him, an annoyed expression crossing her features as she figured out the reason why he’d been late for patrol.

“Manny!” She barked, “How many times do I have to drag your ass to the gate before you actually show up on ti–”

Her attention was immediately caught by the figure sitting across the table from him, eyes falling on a young woman with a look of shock on her face, clearly concerned by the large woman who’d nearly pulled Manny out of his seat with only one hand.

“Abby!” He greeted, doing his best to brush it off, “I was just on my way to meet you when I got distracted by this one,” He winked at the girl with a laugh, “Don’t blame me, it’s entirely her fault. Cierto, hermosa?”

Every engorged muscle in Abby’s body had to hold her back from physically gagging at his obnoxious charm, but she was a bit relieved to see that the girl did not seem to be falling for it so easily.

“Whatever,” the blonde shook her head, trying to suppress any of the nerves that seemed to have wormed their way into her bloodstream under the girl’s stare, “We’re late, and I’m not taking anymore shit from Isaac over you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He shrugged, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he began to head towards the door, offering a short goodbye to the girl before jogging to catch up with the blonde, who’d sped off in an attempt to get herself away from the girl.

“Cute, right?” He asked, a knowing smirk on his lips.

She shrugged, “Yeah, your standards seem to be on the rise, finally. What ever happened to the medic–what was her name again? Ginger?”

“Me and Y/n? In my dreams, sure,” He stared at her with a raised brow, “I’m not exactly…her type.”

Something clicked in her mind, and made the twisting feeling in her gut worsen. Goosebumps prickled at her skin as she thought back on the roaming stare of the girl in the cafeteria–Y/n, as Manny had called her. Had she been checking Abby out? And why did that idea excite her so much?

“Oh,” she hummed.

“You, however… you definitely were. Did you see the way she was looking at you? Like she wanted you to–”

“Shut up, would you?” She sneered, “I’m not–that’s not–”

“I know,” he sighed, though a knowing look crossed his features, “I know.”

A few days had passed before Abby had run into Y/n again, only this time, it was a much more pleasant interaction. Abby had been spending a lot of time in the library, especially since her breakup with Owen and even ended up sleeping there some nights when Manny took the liberty of reserving the room for himself and whatever girl he was dating at the time. She found some peace there, burying her nose into random books from before the outbreak and pretending that, for just a few minutes, she isn’t just the top scar killer in the WLF. There was hardly ever anyone else there, which was a definite plus; She still had a long way to go before she’d be used to all the attention she gets around the arena. This day in particular. though, someone else occupied her usual seat in the furthest corner, by the window.

She jumped in surprise at the sight of another person in her place, holding her palm to her chest to hold in any noise that may have emitted from her throat. The girl raised her head to look over the thick spine of the hardcover book she was reading, surprise evident on her own face as well.

“Sorry,” Abby choked out, “I just wasn’t expecting…I’m usually the only one here.”

“Oh,” Y/n sat up straighter, laying her book page-down on the table in front of her, “Yeah, I usually take the book back to my room, but my roommate is a little…busy at the moment.”

Abby snorted, “I get what you mean. Mine too.”

There was a beat of silence before Y/n chimed in again, “What are you reading?”

Abby glanced down at the book in her hand, eyes scanning over the faded words on the cover. She actually hadn’t known what book she’d taken off the shelf, just slowly making her way through every book in the library, “Uh, Jane Air–Eyre. First one I grabbed.”

“That’s a good one,” Y/n nodded, “One of the classics, I think they used to call them.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Abby mentally kicked herself, of course she would completely blank in front of the girl she’d been thinking about all week (but she was still, totally not into her). “Uh, what about you?”

Y/n smiled, “A Complete History of the Western World. Call me nostalgic, but I like learning about how things were before.”

“Me too,” Abby smiles, “In a way, it’s kinda comforting to see that this isn’t how things always were, you know?”

Y/n grinned, which quickly turned into a frown, “Sorry, I didn’t even…I’m Y/n.”

Abby smiled tightly, cheeks burning red as she reached forward to accept the hand offered to her, “I’m–”

“Abby,” Y/n smiled bashfully, “I know. You’re Manny’s friend, and sort of a big deal around here.”

Abby shrugged, the red of her cheeks now stretching to reach the tips of her ears, “Yeah, that’s what everyone seems to say. Not sure if I really live up to that expectation, though.”

Y/n chuckled before glancing down at her cracked wrist watch, a wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows as she closed her book and stood up from her seat, “Sorry, not trying to run away from you or anything, just lost track of time. Talk to you later, Abby.”

The next few weeks passed with several more interactions between the pair, and Abby would actually consider Y/n to be a friend. They could often be found in the library together, or grabbing a bite to eat with one another and sometimes a few others. Manny often grumbled about Abby swooping in and stealing his friends, but he always seemed to be more than happy to see the two of them together. That strange feeling did not disappear, though, like Abby thought it would. In fact, it got considerably worse.

Instead of having a little bit of nerves around her, Abby was struggling to keep herself from constantly pulling her into her lap, or reaching out to hold her hand across the table, or to tell her how deeply in love with her she wa–except Abby is straight. She likes guys. She dated Owen, and she was deeply hurt by his betrayal, right?

That’s what she told herself. Each longing to touch Y/n was just her own loneliness talking, every time she wanted to be held, it was her basic human need for affection, not because she was romantically or sexually interested in another woman. In fact, she had a little bit of a crush on one of the guys she went on patrol with the other day, or so she told Y/n. She made an effort to make it abundantly clear to the girl that there would be no romantic relationship between them, and was relieved when Y/n didn’t seem to put off by it. She continued to hang out with her, and to invite her to different social events around the arena.

This one was different, though. Abby went, fully intending to spend the night by Y/n’s side, people watching and making fun of Manny as he struck out time and time again. She had arrived to the party with Nora, a bit of pep in her step as she slid into the common area, face falling as she immediately took notice of Y/n on the couch across the room, a soft smile on her face as she listened intently to whatever the girl next to her was saying, her arm curled loosely around Y/n’s shoulders.

Abby felt sick, almost giving in to the instinct to turn and run, and she is positive that if it hadn’t been for Nora being right behind her, she probably would have. She hesitantly stepped further into the room, glancing around awkwardly in hopes of finding someone to hide her from Y/n before she could catch her attention, though it only took a moment’s glance for Y/n to turn her head and shout, waving both Abby and Nora over to where she and the other girl were sitting.

The girl’s name was Samyah, and Abby decided on the spot that she hated her. She hated the way that she talked, the way she dressed, they way she smelled, the way that Y/n looked at her, and most of all, she hated the way that she held Y/n’s hand as she led her out of the common room, hooded eyes making it clear what was about to happen. But it didn’t really matter, because Abby is straight and this wasn’t going to last anymore than one night.

Except it did. Weeks later, Samyah was still very present in Y/n’s life. Abby cringed every time she had to witness them kiss, or touch each other in any way beyond what could be considered platonic. She prayed every night that something would happen, that Samyah would cheat or die out on patrol, anything to have her away from Y/n for more than a few hours at a time, but when it really happened, she couldn’t help but fear that she may have willed it into existence–Abby wasn’t a religious person, but this seemed to be a bit too on the nose for it to not have been divine intervention.

Y/n and Samyah had been hooking up for a few weeks when Y/n turned up at Abby’s room, cheeks glossy with tear stains and eyes burning red. Abby was quick to take her into her arms, ignoring the selfish part of her that was singing at the mere contact. She held her tightly, sitting her down on the edge of her bed and stroking the back of her head soothingly, waiting for her to tell her what had happened.

“Let me know when you’re ready to talk,” She had whispered into her hair before pressing a firm kiss there.

It was less than a moment later when a sharp sniff could be heard and Y/n’s watery voice began to retell what had taken place earlier that evening.

“Samyah has a boyfriend, apparently,” She wept, “She told me she isn’t gay, she just wanted to see what it was like.”

Abby’s entire body burned hot with anger, and then with embarrassment. What would Y/n think if she were to tell her that she’d been wondering the same thing? How would she be able to move forward knowing fully-well that she was no different from Samyah, someone who she had been condemning over the way that she treated Y/n?

But was it the same? Was it really? Since she had met Y/n, she hadn’t even glanced twice at Owen, let alone any other man. She was all she could think about, day and night, and yet she still couldn’t seem to come to terms with the fact her feelings for her might have been more than platonic. It wasn’t as if she were too ashamed or was actually against the idea of her dating another woman, she was just confused as to why these feelings hadn’t come up before. Sure, there were times where she thought Mel was the prettiest girl she’d ever seen, but that was back when there weren’t many other girls around (and she wasn’t screwing her Abby’s boyfriend), and there was once where she’d had a rather promiscuous dream about Nora, but nothing had ever evolved further than that.

These thoughts started to keep her up at night. She liked Y/n, she really did, but was it worth risking her friendship only for Abby to decide that she wasn’t gay at all? What if she was just curious? It was normal for people her age to be interested in exploring these things, only she was sort of stuck in a situation where she was unable to. She couldn’t go to Y/n for help with this, that much was blatantly obvious, but what about someone else? She tried to think of other girls she could go to for help, but there was no one who she could immediately think of that she could go to without also risking her friendship with Y/n; she’d been insistent early on in their friendship that she was not interested in women at all, especially when Y/n made it clear that she most certainly was, and more precisely, in Abby, so what would she think if she found out that Abby had slept with another woman after insisting that she wasn’t interested? That might be more dangerous than going to her for help.

It was getting harder to ignore, as well. Y/n was increasingly dependant on Abby for comfort for weeks after she ended things with Samyah, not that Abby minded, but it was growing more difficult not to hold her to her chest as they share a pillow every night, to not reach out and take her hand every time they walk side-by side, to not push her onto the bed every time she undresses in front of her, to pin her down and–

Then Y/n moved on. She was still quite upset, but she had decided that she wasn’t going to spend any more time dwelling on someone who obviously did not care about her, so she met Reagan. Abby didn’t hate Reagan the same way that she had with Samyah, she clearly liked Y/n and treated her as well as she could, considering that they were in the middle of the apocalypse. She was funny, and she fit in with the rest of their friends better than Abby would have liked; she wanted to hate her so much, but the only reason she could think of was purely out of selfishness, that being the fact that Y/n spending time with Reagan meant that she was not spending time with Abby, and after a few weeks of near constant contact with one another, Abby was sure she was going through withdrawals.

It all came to a head when Manny demanded that she take some time off of patrol. With Reagan always around, she had taken it upon herself to start accepting extra duties to avoid having to spend time with the group, and more specifically, Y/n. He’d made some arrangements and assigned someone else to her shift without even telling her, and all but dragged her down the hall and into the rec room. Y/n and Reagan had yet to arrive, but Abby knew that, if she was going to be forced to sit and watch Reagan practically hang off of the girl that she was probably in love with, she was gonna need a drink.

Abby wasn’t normally a big drinker. In her early days in the WLF, there had been a few times where she’d had more than she probably needed, but it also meant that she didn’t necessarily have the highest tolerance, especially with Manny being the one mixing her drinks. He’d been more than excited when Abby went for her second drink, and decided that they needed to go drink for drink with one another. Needless to say, by the time Y/n arrived, Abby was drunk.

“Abs!” The voice sounded excited as they curled their arms around Abby’s neck from behind, leaning over the back of the sofa she was sitting on to hug her warmly, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

It almost felt like time had stopped the moment her eyes landed on Y/n, admiring the glint of the dim lights on her clean skin. Her hair was still damp, she’d just showered before coming to the party, and Abby couldn’t help but wish she’d also done so by the pooling of sweat on her forehead and palms. She leaned her head back against her shoulder, turning to glide her nose against her neck in a much more affectionate manner than she would have if she had been sober.

“Hi,” She mumbled, “You smell good.”

“It’s the lotion we found on patrol a few weeks ago,” Y/n laughed, “And you’re drunk.”

Abby shrugged, “No, just a little tipsy.”

Nora scoffed out a laugh as she plopped down on the armchair next to her, “Tipsy? Please, she’s been letting Manny mix her drinks all night.”

Y/n pulled away, leaving Abby to let out a small whine of defeat, “Uh oh. Something must be wrong to have you drinking Manny’s concoctions.”

“Hey!” The latino appeared seemingly out of thin air, “You’ve just lost yourself drink privileges.”

She raised her hands in surrender, “Not the threat you think it is, pendejo.”

Y/n threw herself onto the couch next to Abby, settling close enough for their arms to press against one another and sending Abby into what she assumed could only be early heart failure.

“Seriously though, where’ve you been?”

The blonde shrugged once more, “Busy, I guess. Lots of patrols needed to be covered.”

“So you covered…all of them?”

Abby was quiet for a moment, then quickly changed the subject, “Where’s Reagan? Aren’t you two basically attached at the hip or something?”

The smile on Y/n’s face flickered for a beat, and Abby immediately felt a pang of guilt squeeze at her stomach and regret filled her for hurling such a harsh tone at her.

“Something came up,” Y/n turned her gaze to her interlocked fingers in her lap, “She’s not gonna make it.”

Abby recognized a familiar sadness in her voice, one that she had hoped to never hear again, so she dropped the topic and instead found herself falling into a conversation similar to one they would have had before Reagan came into the picture. Things felt right again, especially as Y/n’s hand grasped onto her thick bicep everytime she laughed, and she didn’t push her hand away when she reached over and rested it on her knee–that had to mean something, right?

After Abby finished her fifth drink, things began to get too fuzzy for her to handle, her head dropping back onto the back of the couch with a grunt, her eyes squinting shut in a weak attempt to refocus herself. Y/n glanced up at her, concern painting her features as she reached a hand up to stroke Abby’s flushed cheek.

“You feeling okay?”

Abby grunted in response, leaning her cheek even further into her hand.

Y/n chuckled at her, pulling herself away to stand up and taking hold of Abby’s hand. The blonde’s eyes popped open at the contact, staring up at the girl with hooded eyes as she attempted to pull her to her feet. Abby pushed herself up, forcing her entire body weight into Y/n’s figure faster than she could have anticipated, almost knocking them both to the floor.

“Woah, steady girl,” Y/n laughed, slinging one of her arms over her shoulder, “I think it’s time to get you to bed, don’t you think?”

Abby nodded sleepily, allowing her to pull her along down the hallway, thankfully not having to climb any stairs to Abby’s room with the girl who was 95% muscle on her back. She was able to get her into the room and seated on her mattress with very little trouble–Abby was very compliant with every order that came out of her mouth.

She sat back, allowing her to wipe a wet cloth over her face gently, her eyes struggling to stay open even though she was eager to see her face up close and personal once more.

“Can I ask you something?” She murmured quietly, using every ounce of her strength to keep herself from moaning under Y/n’s touch.

“Of course.”

She paused for a moment, almost like she was thinking it over, though she had no control over the words that spilled out of her mouth, “Do you think I’m pretty?”

Y/n stopped her movements, causing Abby’s eyes to shoot open and fall on the grinning face before her. She laughed softly, then louder until her laughter filled the room and bounced off of the walls.

“Sorry, sorry,” she lifted a hand to cover her mouth to contain her giggles, “That’s just not what I was expecting. But,” Y/n reached around and tugged the elastic out of Abby’s blonde hair, carefully untwisting the braid until her long hair settled around her shoulders, “I think you are very pretty.”

She smiled, mumbling out a quiet thank you.

“I have another question.”

“I think it’s only fair that I get to ask you one first.”

Abby raised her eyebrows, but was quick to nod in agreement.

Y/n leaned back against the footboard of Abby’s bed, setting the cloth aside, “Why’ve you been ignoring me lately?”

“I’m not–” the blonde argued, pausing to compose herself, “I’m not ignoring you. I’m talking to you right now, aren’t I?”

“Abby.”

The blonde girl winced at her stern tone, wary of meeting her gaze, “Look, it’s not like I don’t wanna be around you, it’s just…”

Don’t say it, her very sober subconscious was pleading with her, please.

Her drunk mouth didn’t listen, “Reagan.”

“Reagan?” Y/n frowned, “What about her?”

A small smile appeared on Abby’s lips, “Nuh-uh, it’s my turn.”

Y/n scoffed, rolling her eyes in annoyance, but urging her to ask nonetheless.

“Do you love her?”

“Do I–Abby, why are you asking me this?”

Her bashful eyes fell to her lap, “I think you know why.”

“No, Abby I don’t–”

Her words were silenced, a hum of shock vibrating through her throat as Abby lurched forward, lips pressing sloppily against her own. Y/n froze, neither pulling away nor reciprocating, just remaining in place until Abby pulled away for air.

Abby smiled, resting her forehead against Y/n’s softly. She was drunk, yes, but she had never felt more sober and in-tune with her own feelings as she was then, just after kissing the girl she was so hopelessly in love with for the very first time.

The spell she was under broke the moment her eyelids fluttered open, allowing her to spot the hooded stare and tear-stained cheeks of the girl in front of her.

“Y/n? What’s–”

“You’re drunk, Abby,” she scowled, pushing herself away, “You should go to bed.”

“What? I just–No, please don’t go.”

Y/n turned to face her sharply, “Why? So you can use me for your own pleasure and then kick me to the curb?”

“What?”

“I mean–Jesus, Abby. You were there after Samyah. You were the one who told me she was such a bitch, that I deserved better, but you’re doing the same goddamn thing. Worst of all, you know how I feel about you, but you made it very clear to me that you didn’t feel the same, so I backed off.”

“I love you,” She stammered out, “I-I’m in love with you.”

Y/n laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

“Please,” Abby, fell to the floor as she tried to push her body off of the bed, “I’m telling you the truth. I-I didn’t know before, but I do now.”

Y/n sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose to collect herself, turning to face her once more before fleeing the room, “Go to bed, Abby. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Except they didn’t talk the next day. Or the one after that. Abby basically avoided Y/n like the plague after doing what she did. How could she? Everything that Y/n had said to her was true, she’d known it for weeks. Hell, it was the exact reason why she hadn’t made a move on her sooner.

She knew she couldn’t escape her forever, though. The WLF stadium was pretty big, but they would both be living there for the rest of their (hopefully long) lives and would be bound to run into each other at some point in that time. She was also already in a fairly deep state of depression because of what had happened between the two of them, but also because of how much she just missed having her around.

Which is why she found herself outside Y/n’s bedroom door after returning from a particularly risky patrol that had ended in only four of them returning from a group of seven. Abby was shaky as she made her way back inside the compound, her muscles screaming with every step and her body begging her for a shower and a long sleep, but her feet mindlessly carried her in the opposite direction of her own room. Her fist rapped against the thin wood before she could even process it, but she couldn’t run away now, not when she’d been pinned under a scar only an hour ago with a knife to her throat.

Y/n looked a bit dishevelled as she opened the door, and Abby immediately thought the worst; had she really just shown up at her door at night? What if Reagan was in there? What had Y/n been doing in there when she knocked? Had Abby really interrupted her having sex with someone else?

But the lazy yawn that escaped her puffy lips forced Abby to realise that, no, she hadn’t interrupted her with someone else, she’d woken her up, which somehow made her feel worse.

“Abby?”

“Sorry, uh, is this a bad time?” She shifted her weight back and forth nervously.

“No, I was just–no, it’s not,” Y/n crossed her arms over her chest, “You’ve been avoiding me. Again.”

“I know,” Abby frowned, “I’m sorry. For everything. You have every right to be mad at me–fuck, you have every right to never wanna talk to me again, but I just have to let you know how sorry I am and how much you mean to me.”

Y/n shifted her gaze to the floor for a moment before nodding, glancing back up at Abby and stepping back to open the door wider, “Wanna come in?”

Abby nodded eagerly, stepping inside with caution. She glanced around, taking in the small changes that had been made since she’d last been here. Y/n bedroom was, well, hardly even a bedroom. It was about the size of a large broom closet, just enough room to jam two twin beds and two small dressers inside, though she and her roommate had taken the initiative to make it somewhat cosy inside. Thankfully, the second bed was empty that night, meaning that she didn’t have to hold back.

“Wanna sit?” Y/n motioned to the foot of her bed as she took a seat near the headboard.

“Uh,” Abby glanced down at her dirty attire, “I shouldn't. Sorry, I didn’t even change before I came here–fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Y/n shook her head, “Hey, it’s okay, Abs. We can sit on the floor?”

The blonde’s shoulders loosened at the use of that nickname, almost like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders as she lowered herself to sit directly across from Y/n on the carpeted floor.

It was quiet for a beat, both of the girls sitting in silence as they watched, both anxiously waiting to see who would speak first.

“Did you mean it?” Y/n was the first to crack.

“Did I mean…”

“You know what I’m talking about. You were drunk, but you avoided me like a clicker, Abby, so please don’t play dumb and just talk to me.”

Abby cleared her throat, “Yes. I meant it.”

Y/n let out a heavy breath, and Abby couldn’t tell if she was relieved or even more upset with her answer, “Okay, so you meant it. But why couldn’t you just tell me that? You knew how I felt about you when we first met, but you told me you weren’t interested so that was that.”

Abby shook her head, “It wasn’t like that. When we first met, I was…still dealing with how things ended with Owen. I was angry and hurt, and I really thought I would never get over it. But then, after a little while, I started to realise that I wasn’t heartbroken over him, I was angry that he and Mel didn’t have the decency to talk to me before they started fucking behind my back.”

“Okay,” Y/n nodded, “But after that? Is it some kind of internalised homophobic shit going on? If it is, you could’ve talked to me about it, I could’ve helped you.”

“It’s not that. It wasn’t that I was scared or ashamed of myself, it was that I didn’t even really think about it, I guess. Then, when I finally did, you were with Samyah, and then that ended and you were so upset, and that got me thinking that…I don’t know, what if I was the same as her? What if I was just wanting to experiment? I didn’t wanna talk to you about it because I didn’t wanna lose you, and I didn’t want you to think that I was the same as her,” Abby could feel her eyes stinging from the sudden onset of tears, “And then by the time I realised that that wasn’t the case, you were already with Reagan.”

Y/n opened her mouth to speak, but Abby cut her off.

“I know, you’re with her, and if that’s what you want, then that’s fine. I want you to be happy. But I can’t leave here knowing that I didn’t tell you that I am in love with you, so much that I don’t even know what to do with myself.”

Y/n didn’t answer, not verbally. Instead, she threw herself across the room, clambering into Abby’s lap and messily pressing her lips against hers. Abby was quick to reciprocate, her lips moving against hers steadily and conforming the once sloppy movements into a more slow and rhythmic embrace. Her arms moved to wrap around her waist, palms sliding up and down her back greedily as Y/n gently took Abby’s flushed cheeks into her own hands.

When they finally pulled away, they both broke into wide grins, leaning in to peck each other once more.

“Reagan and I aren’t together. I guess I was just on the rebound and she was looking for a fling, but it’s over.” Y/n whispered, “ I love you too, so much that I do know what to do with myself.”

Abby laughed, eyes trailing down her body and finally settling on the dirt and mud and blood that had transferred from her own dirty clothes to Y/n’s.

“Shit, sorry, got you kinda dirty.”

Y/n glanced down at herself, then shrugged with a sly glint in her eye, “It’s okay. It just means that we’re both gonna have to go shower before bed, right?”

Abby stared at her in awe for a moment, brain finally catching up to her words as she jumped to her feet, hauling Y/n up into her arms as she began a quick march in the direction of the women’s showers, the otherwise quiet hallway being disturbed by Y/n’s squeal of surprise and laughter as the tall blonde carried her.

Though the laughter was certainly more bearable to the surrounding rooms than the sounds that echoed from the showers over the next hour, though Abby couldn’t find a single ounce of concern for the others in the moment, just glad that she was finally able to hold and touch and kiss Y/n, just like real people do.

#reader insert #x reader #imagines #lesbian #abby anderson #abby anderson imagine #abby anderson x reader #abby tlou #abby anderson x you

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mechformers · 2 years ago

Text

Reypaytun

[Reypaytun [ˈɾɛj.paj.tun] - Blood red (color) ]

6.7k words | Masterpost |

Tsu'tey x Human Reader

Summary: Tsu'tey wakes up after a night of vigorous lovemaking to blood smeared between your thighs. He does not take it well, panicking hard as he "flees the scene", effectively leaving you behind. Eventually, he learns what really happened and once he does, Tsu'tey is not afraid anymore.

Content warning: Period blood, Period, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Period Sex, Period Cunnilingus, Period Fingering, Squirting, Stomach/Belly Bulge, Size Difference, Na'vi/Human. Idk I feel like "Tsu'tey is not afraid anymore" should be a tag of its own lol

Authors Note: So this was supposed to be pure, filthy porking and nothing more. BUT(!) as with most things that I do, it caught a case of the feels and it became both angsty and filthy, and way out of hand... Sorry? lol Also, I stared too long at that manip and now it just looks stupid and wrong all over lol Might add it on a later date though, if I can find a way to make it look okay, and most definitely to Ao3 when that day comes lol Sorry, I know it won the poll T.T

Tsu'tey didn’t know how he managed to end up where he currently was, curled up behind you, a sky demon, after a long night of intense lovemaking. For months, he had battled with his own emotions, punished himself for the sheer betrayal his heart was pushing on him once he realized what the speeding of his heart actually meant. At first, he had thought it was a side effect of surviving the war with the sky demons - after falling from such a great height. But in the end, he had to be honest with himself that the speeding of his heart had happened long before the war officially came to a head.

No, Jakesully was to blame for this, and no one else. He had brought you with him when he convinced Eytukan and Mo’at to welcome Grace Augustine back into the clan. Along this Normspellman person, you had walked in beside them, a tiny little creature, speeding as fast as you could with your ridiculously small legs to keep up. You had been so helpless and pathetic that the sheer sight of you had made Tsu’tey angry at Jakesully to have allowed you to even join them. Had you been present with Jakesully and Grace Augustine when his betrayal was revealed, however, Tsu’tey knew that he would not have dealt with the situation as reasonably as he had. As it was, however, he ended up falling from the metallic flying machine, littered with bullet holes. Crashing through the forest to the ground, the sky demons greeted him with even more horror. When he came to again, it was your small hands that tended to him until Jakesully and Neytiri could bring him to Mo’at.

After losing his kuru, Tsu’tey had not been kind to anyone, but especially not to you in particular. The words he had said, the strength with which he had grabbed or shoved you, were beneath him, but the fact that it had happened, he could never hide from. And nor did he. Once he got his feet under himself again, once his mind cleared enough for him to realize a thing or two about this new life of his - he had nothing but the wellbeing of the clan and you on his mind. Convincing you to forgive him, to give him a chance, however, had not been easy. In fact, it had demanded all of Tsu’tey’s spare time to prove himself worthy of your affection.

In the end, you reluctantly agreed to date him - a sky people invention where two or more people become mates on a trial basis, to see if you’re compatible. It pained Tsu’tey to no extent to know that this was all you were willing to give him, that you trusted him just about as far as you could throw him. But he had done this, had caused this situation, he needed to stand steady in it or leave you be. Now, Tsu’tey was a lot of things, but a quitter, he had never been.

The courting process - the dating - had been long and difficult, but eventually, you had agreed to live with him in the kelku he had made specifically with you in mind. it had everything you needed within it and although you had been skeptical at first, after seeing all the hard work he had laid down with you in mind, something seemed to click right for once. It made Tsu’tey relax a little, made his anxiousness calm down enough for him to noticeably lighten up again. The first time he had cracked a joke or two, laughing joyfully, Jakesully had choked with surprise. It had been a very good feeling indeed.

With you in his life, everything just seemed easier. Laughter came easier to him, his normally stressed and harsh demeanor mellowed out and despite the fact that you are a sky person, Tsu’tey has never been happier in his life. It’s probably why he lets himself lose control while making love to you. The sounds you make beneath him, the gasped whispers of endearment as you cling to him only fuels his need for you further. For hours, he plows into you, driving you over the edge time and time again until you’re a sweaty mess beneath him, your skin slick and salty, and warm. As his cock presses as far as it can go into you, bulging your stomach enough that he can feel himself, Tsu’tey knows that there is nowhere he would rather be than right here in your arms.

Releasing one last time inside of you, Tsu’tey kisses your lips so softly, it makes you whine. Smiling down at you, he notices how your eyes glitter as you stare up at him. The right thing to do would be to clean you up, to bathe your sore muscles, but at that moment, Tsu’tey loses against the voice in the back of his head that’s telling him to let his scent seep into the very pores of your skin. You fall asleep in each other's arms like that, with loving words and soft kisses on your lips. It is the best few hours of sleep Tsu’tey has had in ages, the best sleep he has had in the month you have lived in their kelku.

But when Tsu'tey awakens early the next morning there's something wrong. Distantly, he registers an iron scent on the air that he knows all too well, but as his mind is slowly waking up, he doesn't pay it much mind. Instead, he runs his large hand over your small body, grabbing your small breast in his large hands as he kisses your shoulder, smiling into your skin as you too awake with a positively satisfied sigh. Tsu’tey runs his hand down your body, over your waist, squeezing your curved and soft hip appreciatively before continuing down to your subtle thighs, pulling a breathy moan from your lips that has his own skin erupt in a million small goosebumps. Continuing on his joyous morning journey, Tsu’tey presses his hand between your legs to find your core already wet and waiting for him. Pressing a finger into you, he lets out a rumble from deep within his chest at how ready you are for him.

Pulling back, Tsu’tey guides you over to lay on your back before slotting himself between your thighs, your hot, moist core smearing slick over his breastbone where it presses into you. Grinning up, he bends his head down, kissing your shoulder, your breasts, giving each nipple a good suck, before continuing down to your molten core, never breaking eye contact with you as he starts his breakfast. Your beautiful eyes are probably why he doesn’t notice the distinct coppery iron scent or the blood that is smeared on the inside of your thighs. Your breathy gasp as his thumb circles your pearl is probably why he doesn’t notice the bloody trail that has seeped from your puffed and raw cunt before he’s there. It takes him back with such shock that he's on his knees between your widespread thighs before either one of you can register what has happened. Lifting his hand to reach out to the blood, he's met with the bloody picture of his own digits between your bloody thighs and core.

"I have hurt you, yawne," Tsu’tey mumbles low, his voice small, even to his own ears. Getting up on your elbows to see what's going on, you look at the blood on his hands and on his chest before you look down at yourself, noticing the blood smeared between your thighs.

"Shit," you swear, clapping your thighs together, hiding your core from Tsu'tey's eyes in apparent shame. "It's alright, Tsu'tey. This happens."

It is alright?

This happens?

Tsu'tey can't believe what he's hearing. His careless mating has hurt you, has caused you to bleed from one of your most sacred places. The immense pain you must have been in while he took his pleasures from you… Shame floods through him and before you're able to say anything more, he gets up to his feet, grabs his tweng and bow, and flees your kelku. Running as fast as his legs can take him, Tsu’tey doesn’t stop until he’s crashing to his knees by the river. Vigorously, he scrubs his hand and chest until his skin feels raw. He can’t get the image of your bloodied cunt out of his head, nor the vulnerable way you had looked up at him. With great shame and stones weighing heavy in his heart, he gets up to meet the hunting party he was to be a part of that morning, only for the hunters to stare weirdly at him.

“Where is your battle band, brother? Your blade?” Atan asks as he steps up to him, Takuk closely following behind.

Patting the bottom of his ribs, he finds the skin bare from its usual protective layer. However, Tsu’tey could not go back to their kelku, even though you might not be there anymore. The sheer thought of crossing your path makes his ears bend painfully low against his skull with shame. Closing his eyes he takes a deep breath before opening them again to stare at his old friend.

“I will go without,” He growls too harshly, making Atan look at him with concern.

“Brother, I do not think that is wise,” Atan starts, but Tsu’tey cuts him off.

“It will be fine,” Tsu’tey bites back at his friend.

“Go back home to get it, we will wait,” Takuk presses, his gentle voice making Tsu’tey sigh deeply.

“Let us go before the hunt will be in vain,” He doesn’t miss the way Atan and Takuk look at each other with worried expressions.

The hunt is not successful. Or at least, not on his part. Tsu’tey is unfocused and stressed, resulting in him missing each and every shot before he’s even able to let the arrows go. When they return, it is without honor for Tsu’tey. Without bidding his friends farewell, Tsu’tey leaves the party to stew alone. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long before Jakesully finds him and somehow that is even worse.

“What’s wrong, brother? Trouble in paradise?” Jakesully ask, immediately souring Tsu’tey’s already sour mood.

“Go away, demon,” Tsu’tey growls, noticing how harsh the words are spoken, making him involuntarily wince.

“Demon, huh? That bad?” Jakesully hums thoughtfully, falling into silence beside Tsu’tey. It takes hours of the two of them just sitting in silence together, Jakesully waiting him out, letting Tsu’tey wallow in his own shame and misery until finally, Tsu’tey breaks his silence.

“I hurt Y/n during our mating,” Tsu’tey admits, the words all but a whisper of shame, but of course, Jakesully hears them.

“Good hurt or bad hurt?” He asks as if there is a difference.

“There is no such thing as good hurt, Jakesully,” Tsu’tey growls angrily at his stupid friend.

“Trust me, brother there definitely is and I can assure you, with your size difference, there absolutely is,” The cheeky grin on Jakesully’s face is beyond infuriating to Tsu’tey.

“I made her bleed from her core, tell me where the good hurt is in that, demon,” Tsu’tey hisses before his shoulders slump, and the anger at Jakesully bleeds back into shame at his own actions.

“Oh…” Jakesully hums, his brother finally understanding Tsu’tey’s distress.

“And do you know what she said to me?” Tsu’tey huffs a humorless chuckle, “It is alright. This happens. Which means that it is not the first time I have hurt her like this, without noticing it - without her telling me. I have let her suffer because of my own greed,”

“Are you sure it isn’t just her period?” Jakesully hums, “I mean, she said this happens, right? The Na’vi don’t have them, but humans do. And it’s not as if she’s stopped your mating, right?”

“What is this period you are talking about?” Tsu’tey asks, because no, you haven't stopped their mating before. If anything, you have been overly eager for it.

“It’s uh… well, Y/n could probably explain it better, but each month human females bleed from their… you know,” Jakesully gestures between his legs, as if the word were somehow shameful.

“From the cunt?” Tsu’tey deadpans, watching as Jakesully’s ears flatten and his cheeks darken with heat.

“So crude,” Jakesully sighs before grinning, “But yeah. It's their reproductive organs, their uh… uterus? The womb. Shredding itself to prep-”

“Shredding itself?” Tsu’tey interrupts, his eyes huge as worry overcomes him.

“It’s uh, it’s her body’s way of preparing a new egg to be fertilized so that she can become pregnant - uh with child, after the current egg didn’t take,” Jakesully hastily continues, his discomfort so clear on his face and in his voice.

“So she is laying an egg?” Tsu’tey fills in, feeling bad for not having succeeded in fertilizing the egg you had worked so hard to prepare for him - for them.

“What? Fuck, no,” Jakesully barks, wiping his hands over his face, “Shit… uh, female humans carry a child in their stomachs, in their womb. It’s a… aw hell, I don’t know what it is, alright. There’s an egg, you jizz in her, she might become pregnant and the egg will develop into a child. If she doesn’t become pregnant, the egg will get washed out with the blood before being replaced with a new one.”

“I see,” Tsu’tey hums, but in reality, he does not see anything. Whatever Jakesully is talking about sounds weird and alien to his ears.

“Some women are in really great pain because of it, while others… - brother, where are you going?” Jakesully shouts after him, but all Tsu’tey can focus on is getting to your kelku as fast as possible.

He had left you alone in your kelku while you possibly were in great pain. He had left you there, too caught up in his own shame and emotions to hear you out when you had tried to explain it to him. Passing his people, he takes no care of them as he rushes as fast as his long legs can take him. Eventually, he’s crashing through the doorway of your kelku making you gasp with surprise where you’re preparing a yovo fruit for yourself.

“Yawne,” He pants, entirely out of breath.

“Are you alright, Tsu’tey?” Your worried words greet him as you put the knife down to greet him.

“Am I… Yawne, I did not know,” Tsu’tey falls to his knees before you, pressing his forehead to your stomach as he bends in on himself. Your hands immediately come up to hold him, your tiny hands gently caressing the base of what remains of his kuru, as you hold him close.

“Are you in pain?” He continues after lifting his head when his worries start to soothe, “Is the egg causing you pain?”

“Ah, you’ve talked with Jake I take it?” You hum with a soft chuckle, your beautiful eyes glittering as you look up at him in amusement.

“I have,” Tsu’tey confirms, bending his head down to look at you. “I do not fully understand, Jakesully mentioned that you might be in great pain, and I… Yawne, I left you,”

“It’s alright, yawntu, this is new for you. I would have warned you, but I didn’t expect it to come so soon,” You look down at him with your gentle eyes as if he hung the stars in the sky.

“I thought that I had hurt you,” He mumbles shamefully, “That I had caused you to bleed,”

“So your first cause of action at seeing me bleed would be to run away, got it,” You grinned up at him, teasing him as if this was somehow funny to you.

“Yawne! I…-” He starts, the protest and shame flaring up inside of him. How could he have acted this disgracefully to his mate?

“I’m just kidding, I’m just kidding, Tsu’tey,” You laugh openly as you push his head down into your stomach again, your weak arms holding him close as you chuckle.

“I have disgraced our bond, Y/n,” Tsu’tey starts, his heart breaking in his chest.

“Hey, no, Tsu’tey,” You urge, pushing his head up so that he’s kneeling before you at eye level instead. “Listen to me closely, alright?”

You don’t continue before Tsu’tey reluctantly nods his head, your small hands still on his face, comforting him through what must be a quite distressing time for you.

“Reacting as you did to seeing blood is alright. Especially for someone who has experienced violence as you have,” You pause until Tsu’tey realizes that you’re waiting for him to nod his head in understanding, “We mate with such passion that your conclusion wasn’t farfetched,”

“I do not know this word; farfetched,” Tsu’tey looks into your eyes, reveling in your patience with him.

“It means that it was not a foolish conclusion to come to, that it was within your right to think of it,” You smile again as if he has hung the stars in the sky while your thumbs caress his cheekbones comfortingly. “I’m small compared to you, and you are certainly huge in all aspects of the word,”

Tsu’tey can’t keep his chest from puffing up with pride, no more than he can keep his lips from forming a smug smile. Huffing up at him, your fingers take hold of the base on his ears, making them twitch.

“Behave, yawntu,” You grin up at him, letting him know that it is all in fond fun. “You have never and will never hurt me while mating, Tsu’tey. I don’t know if you’re even capable of doing such a thing,”

You stare up at him while he lets your words sink in, coming to the conclusion that you know best and that Tsu’tey has to trust your judgment. Sighing with the release of his stress and worry, Tsu’tey bends his head down to rest his forehead against yours. It’s comforting the way you’re still holding onto him, grounding him as if you somehow already knew what he needed despite your young bond.

“This period, this blood, can you tell me more about it? I wish to understand it so that I can better help you when it comes,” Tsu’tey hums, opening his eyes to look into yours.

“Of course, yawntu,” You smile beautifully up at him before slowly pulling away.

Taking his hand in yours, you lead him over to your nest, waiting for him to sit down before you bend your small legs to sit between his bigger ones. Taking both of his hands in yours, you look up at him as you start to explain what a period is, chuckling softly at his horrified expressions while explaining about your uterus shredding and how that causes the blood to dribble out. You walk him through everything, about how to contain it, about how you usually manage the pain, and how there are different methods.

“How else may I help you ease the pain, yawne?” Tsu’tey presses on when he notices you’re holding something back.

“It’s uh…” You stutter, your beautiful face darkening with an embarrassment Tsu’tey doesn’t understand. “There’s the act of mating, of - of reaching completion,”

“Mating?” Tsu’tey parrots, his eyes growing huge as his ears rotate forward with undivided attention.

“The act of mating reduces the cramping and reaching completion eases the pain,” You mumble, not able to meet his eyes head-on, “But it’s not something you have to do. I’ve got my heating pads, warm blankets, and excellent pain meds,”

At the mention of medication, Tsu’tey wrinkles his nose with distaste. He had never been fond of the sky people medicine, and to hear that you regularly take them to control a pain he could be helping you with, makes his anger flare. Slicking his ears back with annoyance, Tsu’tey huffs loudly.

“It is no bother for me to mate with you, yawne,” He starts, noting how your cheeks darken even further, “A little blood has never scared me before and it will not start now. Please, let me help you,”

“You really don’t have to, Tsu’tey,” You try again, your embarrassed little face looking up at him full of love and wonder.

“I want to,” Tsu’tey whispers, bending down to rest his forehead to yours again.

“Are you sure, yawntu?” Your eyes portray it all, your uncertainty, your need for him.

“I am, yawne,” Tsu’tey rumbles as he crawls over you, forcing your small body to bend backward to lay back in your nest.

It brings him straight to your hot core, the coppery iron scent strong and warm when he takes a deep breath. He isn’t afraid anymore though. This period had personally insulted him, but now, Tsu’tey would show you what a man truly was. Growling, he plops down on you, the entirety of his weight pressing the air from your small lungs, just how you liked it. The warm heat from your core wraps around Tsu’tey’s lower chest, lulling him to grind his hips into the soft nest beneath your bodies.

“You take my breath away, yawne,” Tsu’tey breathes as he lets the bridge of his nose run up the side of your neck, smirking childishly when it makes your breath stutter in your chest.

“Tsu’tey…” You gasp as he reaches your lips, kissing you long and deep.

The way your small hands clutch at his shoulders to hold on makes something inside of him snap. It’s ridiculous how every touch from you sends him over the edge, breaking the hard-set control he has over himself. You’re simply intoxicating to him. Running his hand down your flank, Tsu’tey lets his fingers flutter over every dip and roll of your soft skin, taking pleasure in the way the contact makes you moan. It never ceased to amaze him just how soft your skin was. The very first time you had allowed him to touch, to feel you, he had lost himself in your body, emerging only when the sun rose once more. His eyes had been blown wide the following day, much to everyone’s amusement.

Now, it was no different. The very scent of you stoked the fire within him, edging him closer to the point of no return, to the point where there was no one but you and him in this life that Eywa had graced them with. Giving you parting butterfly kisses, Tsu’tey dips his head lower, letting his lips trace an incoherent trail until he reaches the top of your chest. He’ll have to part with your thighs around his chest if he is to continue. A part of him doesn’t want to, but the needier part of him claws at his insides for Tsu’tey to present him with the sweetest nectar of your core. It’s the part of him that wins, in the end. Wrapping his hands around your thighs, Tsu’tey gently parts them from around his chest, pushing them back, opening you up like the most precious of flowers.

He’s presented with the same sight as he was that morning, your cunt puffy and red, needy and ready for his ministrations. The blood that slowly comes from your parted lips doesn’t scare him anymore. It’s so… little? Yet, that very morning, it had seemed almost too immense for him to comprehend. Curiously, Tsu’tey runs the pad of his thumb through the red liquid, marveling at the way it colors the blue skin of his thumb. Wiping it away from your entrance, however, only produces more as he forces your lips to part. Smiling to himself, Tsu’tey bends down to kiss the inside of your knees before starting his journey to the core of his desire. He takes a moment to marvel at your own stripes, the silvery, pink, brown, and purple smooth grooves that paint your skin in some places. Never would he have believed sky people worthy of such beauty, but yet again, you had proved him wrong. Your stripes are so different from his own, more like the lightning that crosses over the beautiful Pandora skies. Running his fingers over the stripes on your lower stomach, Tsu’tey marveled at your beauty for a moment before getting to his stomach between your spread thighs.

This close to your cunt, Tsu’tey can see everything. Hears your heart beating frantically in your chest as your blood courses through your veins. Tsu’tey can smell everything. And it makes something wild within him roar to life. His mind zeroes in on one thing and one thing only. Distantly, he registers that you’re talking to him, that your small hands find their way into his braids, but he’s lost in the spell you have over him. Running the pads of his thumbs along the outer lips of your cunt, Tsu’tey is helpless but to lick his lips as your red speckled slick coats his journey. Pressing gently on the silky smooth skin, he watches as your cunt opens up for him, watches as the impossibly small slit stretches the further he pushes.

Repeating the motion, Tsu’tey growls desperately when a fresh dollop of slick emerges from your cunt, the red speckles in it almost beautiful as it slides downward. Unable to hold back anymore, Tsu’tey leans forward, bumping his nose into your swollen pearl as kisses the warm, slick core of your cunt. The sound is almost rudely loud in your otherwise quiet kelku. The slick sticks to his lips in thin strings when he pulls away just far enough to meet your eyes over the swell of your stomach and breasts. Licking his lips, his nostrils flare as the taste hits his tongue, effectively sending his brain into a frenzy. Almost immediately, Tsu’tey dives back in, this time plunging his tongue straight into your core, lapping eagerly at your soft, warm walls. His nose keeps hitting your precious pearl, the hot air from his lungs blowing over it in rapid succession as he dines on a taste he’s never had before.

The taste of your coppery blood combined with the impossibly sweet and heady taste of your natural slick had Tsu’tey all but whining between your thighs, his digits tightening around the plump of your thighs as he held on for dear life. Driving his tongue as far as he’s able to reach inside of you, Tsu’tey breathes heavily as he makes a seal around your cunt, sucking while he licks at your insides. The taste of you explodes on his taste buds with each lick, making him push further and further to get more. He feels almost desperate when your small hands pull hard at his braids, trying your best to lift his head from your molten core.

“T-t..” You stutter, your breath coming harder than his, “T’ey,”

“Yawne,” Tsu’tey answers your call, his voice husky and raw, even to his own ears.

But you’re too far gone. With the little break that you obtained, your head falls back, hitting their nest while you continue to breathe heavily, your small chest lifting and sinking rapidly. It fuels something so primal inside of Tsu’tey that he physically had to clutch onto the bedding to keep himself from pouncing on you. He doubts the stretch would have truly hurt you, had he not been able to hold himself back. The amount of slickness and the plump readiness of your cunt told him as much, but even though you had told him how much you loved the stretch, Tsu’tey was acutely aware of your size difference.

So instead, Tsu’tey eases two digits inside of you, grinning proudly when he meets no resistance, just the slick, plump heat of your hole. Spreading his fingers, Tsu’tey watches as your head bends further back, a moan escaping your gorgeous red-bitten lips as he adds another finger. Like this, you’ve told him, he’s bigger than any human male known to history. It makes his chest puff ridiculously with pride. Add his own cock to the mix and you were a pampered little mate.

“What are you thinking about, yawntu?” You huff a chuckle as you look down at him.

“Nothing, yawne,” Tsu’tey smiles as he leans up to kiss your lips.

Pulling back, there’s red smeared on your face. The realization that he’s wearing you on his own face has his tail whipping painfully behind him with excitement. There’s something so intimate about this, an experience a Na’vi mate could never give him. For a moment, Tsu’tey thanks whatever power Eywa had in changing his mind, whatever made him turn on his opinion and pursue you. Staring down at you, there was no doubt in Tsu’ey’s mind that no atokirina could ever compare to your beauty. Try as she might, the Great Mother could not create anything even comparable to the beauty you held in his eyes. Grinning smugly, Tsu’tey spread your legs even wider with his knees, huffing proudly when your breath hitches.

The way his chest breathes deeply makes his heavy cock glide through the slick of your cunt, your size difference enough for there to be enough motion between you. The sheer heat of your cunt never ceases to amaze him, and try as he might, he’s unable to keep his hips from thrusting, to keep himself from seeking out your tight, slick heat. Pulling back, Tsu’tey meets your eyes as the head of his cock catches on the slick, hot “O” of your cunt. Swallowing audibly, he watches as your body shivers, your cunt spasming, kissing his cock head with an excited greeting. Wetting his lips, Tsu’tey presses forward, feeling his cock crown the tight circle of your cunt before you clench, sending his cock sliding through your slick to end under your navel.

“Tsakem rä'ä si, txopu rä'ä si, yawne,” Tsu’tey growls, his accent heavy, “Do not do that. Do not be scared, yawne,”

“I could never, yawntu,” Lifting your small arms, Tsu’tey bends down for you to grab onto the back of his neck, letting your weak arms press him down into a gentle kiss that touches his very soul.

Leaning his forehead to yours, Tsu’tey tries pushing forward again. The angle is weird like this, making it difficult to line up, but he wants to be close to you, wants to watch the exact moment he breaches your body, just so that he can see your pupils dilate to nothing but black. His cock catches on the ripe, slick circle of your molten core, but this time, when he presses forward, you don’t clench beneath him, denying him access. Instead, your body grows boneless beneath him as you relax, allowing him passage to the innermost sacred place of your body. It’s the easiest, most difficult glide Tsu’tey has had in his entire life. Never before has your body felt like this, clutching onto him as if the very thought of him leaving sent panic through your slick walls.

Groaning, Tsu’tey stills, letting the stretch of his size cement for just a moment before he pulls his hips back, tutting at your distressed whining before he slams into you, this time guided by the slick from his first slide. It fills you up to the limit, the head of his cock hitting that gloriously smooth and plush thing deep inside of you. It caresses the shaft of his cock, just behind his sensitive head while le butts into your wall. Distantly, he knows that he can go no further, but he still tries, pressing until his hips finally meet the plush meat of the crook of your thighs. You’re spread so wide beneath him that for just a moment, he wonders how you haven’t broken yet. Instead, you’re clutching onto him as if your very life depended on it, and when he pushes up on his hands, pressing the full weight of his body on your connection, he can see why.

Beneath your navel, there’s the clear indentation of his own cock beneath your skin. It isn’t the first time Tsu’tey has seen it, but there’s something about it this time that sends him over the edge. Involuntarily, his hips thrust hard, sending your body upward with the sheer force behind it. Your small shoulders meet his wrists, stopping your journey as his cock presses further into you from beneath. It’s a surreal thing to see. One moment, you’re gasping, eyes wide in shock, and the next, there’s something hot spraying from your cunt against his abdomen as your cunt ripples harder around him than ever before while you scream. Your orgasm lasts longer this time, squeezing Tsu’tey’s cock hard as your cunt tries its hardest to milk the juices that it so longs for. But it’s not the orgasm that has Tsu’tey perplexed.

“What was that, yawne?” Tsu’tey asks, his voice unrecognizable to his own ears.

But all you respond with is a series of ‘oh god, oh god, oh god’ while you covered your face from his eyes. Now, Tsu’tey was no fool, he knew your rambled string of words meant that you were in incomprehensible pleasure. It had happened the first time he ate from your core, the first time his fingers had entered your cunt, and especially the very first time his cock had stretched you around his size. So with that knowledge, Tsu’tey set out to get the same reaction again, if only for his own pleasure at seeing it.

With the same eye for detail, Tsu’tey repeats his motions, pulling back before entering you halfway once again. It sends your head back with a long wet moan, your puffy lips parted as you grab a hold of his wrists, preparing yourself for what you so obviously have anticipated to come. Grinning, Tsu’tey slams into you a little harder than he had meant to, but it’s all the same to you. Your loud moans fill your kelku as Tsu’tey presses further, testing the limit. It doesn’t happen immediately, like the first time, but Tsu’tey isn’t deterred. He is a man on a mission, a mission he is hellbent to succeed. And sure enough, after a while, your mouth starts forming that series of ‘no no no no no’ that always comes before something mesmerizing. It spurs Tsu’tey on, his mind chasing that burst of excitement, so pure, from your body’s core.

Thrusting faster, harder, Tsu’tey is not disappointed when he looks down just in time to see that same clear spray emerge from your core, coating his abdomen not just once as before, not twice, but four times. In time with your cunt contracting around him, Tsu’tey was helpless but to give into your core’s demand. With a final thrust, he sheats himself as deep as he’s able to while his body pumps you full of his seed. He’s breathing hard as he lays down on top of you, holding you captive beneath him while you breathe.

“You are,” Tsu’tey pants, taking deep breaths before continuing, “Amazing, yawne,”

Kissing your forehead, your cheeks, your gasping lips, Tsu’tey takes pity on you for a second, balancing most of his weight on his elbows, only for you to whine in annoyance. Huffing a chuckle, Tsu’tey slides down carefully once more, watching you closely as his full weight is on you again. Never would he have imagined his weight to be such a comfort to you, but as you hide your face between his pecs, Tsu’tey is left to drift on the sensation of your combined bodies while you land. He doesn’t know how long it takes, but by the time you emerge from his chest, the chill of the setting sun has started to creep into your dark kelku.

“Welcome back to Pandora, yawne,” Tsu’tey teases, only for you to clench your cunt around his sensitive cock, making him hiss.

“You are a cruel man, yawntu,” You huff, but the poorly hidden amused smile lets him know that your words have no bite to them.

“I am,” Tsu’tey agrees, grinning widely as he kisses your lips. “What does that make you, ma muntxate?”

“An innocent bystander?” You try, your sheepish grin mesmerizing Tsu’tey’s heart.

“You, ma yawne,” Tsu’tey starts, leaning down to hover over your lips, “Have never been innocent a day in your life,”

It brings the most beautiful laughter from your lips, a laughter that doesn’t immediately die down, but instead continues on until it gradually fizzles out. At this moment, Tsu’tey wishes that he could make tsaheylu with you, that he could show you the love that blossoms in his heart, a love that is so strong he’s not certain he could stay true to Eywa if challenged. But you do not have a kuru and he… he does not have his kuru anymore. Still, with everything that you are, you try your best to fill the gap he’s missing, letting him know how much he’s loved without actually having said the words before.

“I love you, Tsu’tey,” Because, of course, you would read him so easily. The notion is no less meaningless to Tsu’tey’s ears though.

“I love you, yawne,” He hums, kissing your lips slowly before hovering above them again, catching your eyes in his, “I have for a very long time,”

It’s an intimate moment, one heavy with emotions, with trust, and honor. You’re both from different worlds, but somehow, together, you have made it work, supporting each other with everything that you were. Tsu’tey knows that there will be nothing in this life or the next that can keep him apart from you. Beneath him, you reach a hand out to brush two of his braids beneath his ear, your small fingers gently rubbing his ear on your way back. Smiling, Tsu’tey gets up to his knees, watching his cock move inside of your small cunt. Pulling out, he watches as your red-speckled slick and his luminescent seed stick to his cock. There’s a mixed string connecting the head of his cock to the puffy mouth of your cunt for a moment before it breaks in the chill evening air. A moment later, however, his seed runs out of your wide-stretched, red hole. It’s beautiful.

Leaning forward, Tsu’tey attaches his mouth to your open cunt once more, sucking his seed and your slick from your abused and tired hole. If possible, your cunt is even hotter, even softer than before as he digs his tongue inside, slurping loudly even to his own ears. The plush of your thighs has collapsed shut on each side of his head, your cute weakness trying to push his head away, but Tsu’tey will drink his fill of you. Not even your gasped whines from above stop him in his ministrations before, as you desperately ramble, something sweet hits his tongue and face once, twice before your thighs fall dead from his head.

It takes him a moment to realize what has happened, but when he does, his cock twitches with interest. You, however, lay completely boneless above him, your breathing coming hard and fast, your eyes closed. Taking pity on you, Tsu’tey licks his lips before gathering you up in his arms. A bath would do you both good before some food and sleep. In the morning, Tsu’tey would quench his thirst for knowledge and you would let him, one way or the other. Grabbing a blanket, Tsu’tey wraps it around you, covering your modesty as he learned the hard way how sky people valued that sort of thing. Walking out of your kelku, Tsu’tey headed toward the river.

“Brother,” Jakesully shouted from the entrance of the communal meal, “Dinner was served a while ago,”

“We will eat at home, Jakesully,” Tsu’tey turns to his… friend, only for the man in question to holler loudly.

“Yo, Tsu’tey got his wings, alright!” Jakesully announces loudly, pulling the curious stares of Atan and Takuk.

Tsu’tey pays them no mind, however, as he continues his walk down to the river. He has a mate to take care of, one who brings him such joy he hardly believed he was still alive some days. To know that you felt the same as he - Tsu’tey could ask nothing more of the Great Mother.

That pesky egg of yours, however…

#Please read the tag warings!#tsu'tey x human reader #tsu'tey x h!reader #tsutey x human reader #tsutey x h!reader #na'vi x human reader #na'vi x human #na'vi x reader #tsu'tey #tsu'tey te rongloa ateyitan #avatar x human reader #avatar 2009 #avatar 2009 x reader #mech writes #Reypaytun #tsu'tey x reader #tsutey x reader

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melanated-writersblock · 1 year ago

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(O.M.G.P) One Month Grace Period

Toji x Chubby/Plus-Size!Black!Female!Reader

~No Nut November is over, and Toji couldn’t think of anything more exciting than turning you into his free use slut to bring in the new month😘

A/N & Warnings: I’M SORRY YALL I GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH THE STORY IT IS LONG AS FUCK!!! But it’s not just porn with no plot!!! (For those of you that aren’t just in it to get mentally dicked down, I wrote a prologue! The link is below and can be read before you start this fic!)

LIKES ARE COOL, BUT COMMENTS AND REBLOGS ARE BETTER! PLEASE LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! ALSO DON’T COPY MY SHIT. I WILL KNOW.

Content: Multi-sex scenes, praise/degradation, free-use so dub-con, Oral (f receiving), a small bit of spit kink in there, fingering, shower sex, couch sex, kitchen sex, bedroom sex, unprotected sex, What did NLE Choppa say? MEAT TO MEAT! WALL TO WALL! COOCHIE TO MY BALLS!🗣️ (18+ MDNI)

SONG RECOMMENDATIONS: Freaky Bih from Da A - Louisvt, Fuck The World - Brent Faiyaz, What You Need - Don Toliver, 2AM - SZA, Ambré’s Interlude - Destin Conrade, Animosity/ Dear Xodi - Johnny Rain

Prologue - November 30th

December 1st

12:45 AM.

Your thighs quivered as Toji pounded into you relentlessly, the lewd sound of skin slapping as his precum mixed with your wetness filled the room. It felt too good, you didn’t know whether to scream or just shut up and take it. Between Toji having one arm over you bracing the headboard and the other pushing your thighs back, knees near your chest, you felt yourself getting a little too close. “Oooh- Toji, I’m gonna….oh fuuuhhhkkk~” Toji chuckled at your mewling, “Look at you, only 45 minutes in and you’re ready to cum on my cock like a greedy little slut.” His pace slowed, almost painfully. “I didn’t give you permission to do that just yet, Princess.”Watching his girth slide in and out of you, Toji brings two fingers to the base of his dick where your cream spills out with each thrust and sucks his fingers clean. You can’t help but moan at the sight of something so sinful yet passionate, you clench around him as his slow pace persists. Too far gone and busy chasing ecstasy, you didn’t notice Toji move his arm from gripping the headboard to cradle the back of your head as he leaned his weight into you, with his mouth next to your ear. “Yeahhh you’re clenching around me so tight, you’re such a fucking slut. Taking this dick like the good little bitch you are, you’re so fucking wet for me.” “Unnnhhh~” “Ooohhh, yeah. Yeah?” “Yes-yes-yes~fuccck!” “Come on Baby, I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me~” “Toji don’t make me……fuck…….please…..Toji pleaseee~” His pace picks up, “How hard was that, Hmm? You’re too shy to ask me to cum but you’re making a mess on my cock with no problem.” As his thrusts get harder he cradles your head, blocking it from hitting the headboard, his fingers weaving through your box braids, your floral bonnet long gone, thrown somewhere on the nightstand. You hold onto his sturdy arms for some sort of anchor, as you feel your soul quite literally about to leave your body. You let the sudden wave of pleasure take over your body as you shudder, mouth open, screaming vulnerably, eyes closed, with tears brimming. “Yesss, cum for me, give it to me, give it to me. Ohhhh, Good Girl!”

9:19 AM.

“Ah fuckkkk, that’s it~” Toji hoisted you against the tiled shower wall with your full legs wrapped around his waist as he fucks into you, the supple flesh of your ass moving with ease as he guides you onto him, the steam of the hot shower shrouding the entire bathroom in a thick fog. Your morning routine took a turn when your shower time got sabotaged by Toji and his morning wood. So here you were, getting lifted up and impaled on his dick like you weighed absolutely nothing. Still dazed from the midnight session, the pleasure was intense, and you were honestly, still kinda sensitive. You leaned your back against the warm tiles and pushed your hands on his sculpted chest to brace yourself and lessen the force of the thrusts, but each time you’d lean against the wall he would lean back so your full weight was on him and your breasts were flush against his chest. Despite your voluptuous stature, he was able to manhandle you and throw you around like a simple bag of sugar. One of his many redeeming qualities, and admirable…..but not in this situation. “Come on Baby, you were being so good for me earlier. You sensitive?” You couldn’t speak, and he knew it. Toji got off at the thought of you still being fucked out and a moaning mess. It haunted his dreams all November. Imagining how many ways he could make you cum on him, scream and writhe in pleasure, all while he’s still chasing his first high.

12:04 PM.

You knew the kitchen incident would have to be addressed at some point, but this isn’t how you expected it to go. “Move your fucking hand.” “Toji pleaseeee, you’re gonna make me cum again~” “That’s the whole point, now move your hand and keep your legs open.” You were in the process of making lunch because you and Toji agreed that you both were hungry, but apparently you weren’t on the same page. Toji made quick work of lifting you onto the kitchen counter and throwing your thighs over his shoulders before going to town. Looking down at him from your seated position, his tousled black hair visible as he laps up your juices. “You taste so fucking good Princess~” Toji was wearing you down, every single word out of his mouth brought you that much closer to your next orgasm, “~Thank you”. He stops for a moment to give you a kiss and you moan, tasting yourself on him. “You’re being so obedient” Toji spits, and the long string of saliva slowly trickles down from your clit to your pussy. You look at him full of awe and arousal at how irrationally hot that little trick was. Laughing at your reaction, he spits on his middle and ring finger before plunging them into your dripping pussy. Starting off slowly in a “come hither” motion, he watches as your eyes roll back at the sensation, using his second hand to toy with your clit. “Aww, my obedient little fuckdoll, looks so cute when she’s gonna cum.” FUCK, you couldn’t take it anymore, he’s too good at this. He didn’t even cum yet!

4:32 PM.

“Shiiiiiit!” You cry into the plush sofa armrest as you make poor attempts to squirm away from Toji’s firm grip on your wide hips as he pulls you back onto him. Your ass ripples as he speeds up his pace at an almost inhuman speed, your whimpering and cries growing louder. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I’m gonna cum!” Toji’s brutal pace finally started to falter, something that rarely happens…meaning he’s definitely close. He pulls out, and some of his precum mixed with yours spills out of you. “Not yet Princess, get up for me.” Seeing your dumbstruck state, Toji peels your dazed frame off of the armrest. He sits at the edge of the sofa, legs parted and sits you on top of him with your back to his chest and your legs spread on either side of his. “Theeere we go~”, Toji slides his throbbing dick along your pussy as you shudder, leaning your body back against his in a moment of recovery, resting your head back on his shoulder. He kisses your neck before moving to your ear to whisper, “Here’s what’s gonna happen…I’m gonna finish fucking your brains out, and you’re gonna cum again while I fill you up. Okay?” All you could do was sigh. “Nod, if you understand Princess…” you shake your head subtly still catching yourself. Toji noticed this, and gave you time before snaking his arm around your tummy. “You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” He slides into you, and you cry out, “Shhh, shh, shh, breathe. You’re okay.” His pace starts to pick up, “Ahhhhhhhhh~” “I knowww, Baby, I knowww, Fuck!” Toji’s words started to slur as he continued to fuck you, a creamy mess pooling at his lap as you both began seeing stars, “Fuuhhkkk you look so pretty like this, shit. You want me to cum inside of you, hm? You want me to fill you up? Turn you into my…..fuck…..my little cumdrunk slut?” “Unnnggggg fuck, Toji, Yeeeeesssss~” You couldn’t help yourself as the tears began to fall, you were in too deep (and so was he), and too far gone to know what the fuck was going on anymore. Your climax washed over you like a tsunami….so strong until you didn’t even realize you squirted all over Toji and went unconscious for 10 seconds. Coming to, Toji was already grabbing a blanket and water for you, “Good Girl, you did amazing cumming all over me like that. I’m so proud of you.”. You smiled, nestling into him as you settled down. Finally, a moment of peace. On the verge of nodding off, you couldn’t help but feel a particular unsettled energy. You look at Toji, who seems relaxed…but not the type of relaxed that someone that just had an orgasm should be. “Toji?” “Hm?” “You didn’t finish…did you?” He looks at you with a mischievous grin, “Not one bit.”

This is going to be a looong month.

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goldfades · 1 year ago

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🍁 for luke?!

congrats again on 100!! 🫶🏻

AAAAAA TYSM LOVE !!!!!! enjoy this blurb lmao, i love lukey pookie <3

he's so 1989. idk why but he just gives off that vibe. OKAY. HE'S VERY 'how you get the girl' (he for sure got the girl in this one lmao)

luke doesn't know how the hell he ended up at your house.

it was a 11:30 on a random tuesday, he knows you're asleep but he can't, even though he knows he has early morning practice tomorrow and a whole day of classes. his mind is racing, but so is this heart.

it was raining and he's still in his pajamas, too. his new jersey devils pj's really fit the whole mood. he rolled his eyes at himself ─ why didn't he change?

it had been six months since you two had broken up. well, not exactly. tomorrow morning, or in 20 minutes time, it would be exactly 6 months since you two had broke up. he knew this because he had been anxiously counting the days until your break-up was official.

ever since luke was little, jack would always tell him that break-up's weren't official until the 6 month mark which basically gave them a 'grace period' to get back together. and even now, as a whole adult, he applies it to everything.

he doesn't even know why he was here. he knew you had moved on ─ he saw all those guys you were with at the bar the other night, you weren't hurting anymore. still, that stupid rule made everything so much worse. knowing that after this period, you wouldn't even be thinking about him anymore made him sick.

he decided, an hour ago, that he was gonna get you back that night. he finally let out a big exhale and closed his eyes, getting out of the car and into the rain, walking up to your driveway and to your front door.

he quickly rang the doorbell twice ─ it was your guys' inside joke, knocking twice or ringing the doorbell twice was some kind of code for one another.

he heard some faint footsteps and he straightened his posture, letting out a loud exhale before you opened the door.

your eyes widened at the sight. your ex, luke hughes, standing outside your door in the rain, a few minutes before midnight. he could see the grogginess on your face and suddenly felt a tinge of guilt.

his curly hair was soaking wet and so were his pj's and you almost cringed at the sight. then you saw his face, his cute, stupid face. your heart fluttered at the sight, like it always did when you saw him, even when he was being a fucking asshole.

"luke, what are you doing here?" you shouted over the rain, that was starting to become more than just a midnight shower.

"i-i..." he didn't even know what to say. he let out a loud exhale before speaking again. "i miss you, y/n. i really, really miss you. i can't sleep, i keep repeating that fight over and over again and every time, i wish i had said something different. anything else would've been better."

your heart broke again at those words as you were transported back to that night. you shook your head, you didn't wanna relive that after you'd tried so hard to get over it all these months. "oh, you can't sleep?" you said, sarcastically. "i have repeated that night over and over again too, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. for a while, i even blamed myself─"

"it's not your fault, it was mine!"

"yeah, i know that now." you spoke bitterly at the boy, who was now shaking from the now, heavy rainfall. "i wish you had said something different, too, luke. but now we both have to live with the conseque─"

"fuck, y/n!" he grunted in frustration. "i'm so mad at myself for letting that happen, i'm so sorry for doing that to you."

you let those few words sink in. luke hughes was not one to ever apologize, you knew that. that was one of the reasons why you two had ended things and hearing those words come out of his mouth felt somewhat therapeutic. "luke─"

"y/n, please just let me talk!" he shouted over the rain. "if i could go back in time i would. if i could just... erase all of it, i would. but i can't. and i know i'm selfish for even asking this but i want you back. no one compares to you and no one ever will, y/n. i've tried, i really have. but i lost you once and i'll be damned if i lost you again if you just gave me another chance.”

that whole monologue sounded like it was right outta a movie. you didn't know how to feel ─ or how to react. you felt so many emotions wash over you and you took another good look at luke.

his curly hair, his soft skin, his entire face just took you back to when you two were together ─ the good times, too. summer at the lake house with his family, late night car rides for drinks, sunday night dates because he insisted that saturdays were for the boys, and especially, his soft touch.

luke's heart was beating out of his chest and he knew he was going to catch a cold because of how long he'd been standing outside, but all of that wouldn't matter if you just took him back. he watched your expression change and he swears he felt like a million tons had just been lifted off his chest as you opened up the door for him to come in.

"alright, luke. fine, one more chance. one, and if you fuck up, it's over and it will be over for the rest of our lives, got it?"

that sweet smile graced his lips for the first time tonight as he walked into your home, exhaling deeply. "got it."

you both stared into each other's eyes, your heart beating fast as a smile plastered on your face as well. then, luke smashed his lips against yours and pushed you against the door. "won't make you regret it, princess."

MY 100 FOLLOWER CELLY!

#── ✦ 𝐞𝐯'𝐬 𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲!#nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl #nhl oneshot #hockey #luke hughes x oc #luke hughes blurb #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes fic #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes x y/n #nj devils #hughes brothers #new jersey devils #nj devils imagine

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elizabethwritesmen · 1 year ago

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i don’t want you like a best friend

┏ •◦இ•◦ ┓

Pairing: College!Steve Harrington x Reader ALSO Ghostface!Steve x Witch!Reader (costumes)

Summary: You’re in Indiana for college. You just happen to be roommates with Steve Harrington’s best friend, Robin. This is a list of the times you bumped into him, starting with July move in day and ending with a friend’s Halloween party.

Warnings/Notes (PLEASE READ) : SMUT 18+, pining, friends to lovers, Robin being intrusive, Robin’s parents also being intrusive, angst, Halloween if ur into that, ghostface!Steve x Witch!reader (costumes obv), also if ur name is Grace this isn’t the fic for you just trust me on this, this is semi-modern I don’t mention time periods at all but I also made no attempt at historical accuracy so do with that what u will. it’s all make believe it doesn’t rlly matter imo. also this is a college au so I made up college friends for them! ALSO i have plans for another halloween fic, a super spooky super sexy one, but it will go up late prob sometime in late. november because i’ve put all my energy into this one and staying alive lol. enjoy! <3

┗ •◦இ•◦ ┛

•Move In Day

I stared blankly at the boxes in front of me. The U-Haul I’d rented was jam packed with furniture and all of my belongings, leaving barely enough room to breathe.

For some reason, I thought it would be easy. I thought I could girl-boss it, get it done, all in a few hours’ work. Clearly I was temporarily insane when I came to that conclusion. Oh, well. Now I didn’t have a choice.

I sucked in a deep breath before resigning myself to my fate and starting.

I carried in the lightest stuff first, wanting to get it out of the way. I figured once I got through all the heavy stuff, I wouldn’t have any energy left for it, so might as well do it first. I got about four boxes upstairs, and I was bringing up a fifth and sixth, when I noticed the door already opened. I was sure I had shut it.

I walked in to see a girl and a guy, both around my age. She was dancing around, placing boxes of her own on the other side of the room. I cleared my throat gently, placing my boxes on the rest of my things.

She snapped out of her trance and her eyes landed on me. As did those of the guy she was with.

“Oh, hi!” She smiled brightly, “You just be my roommate!”

“Must be,” I sent her a polite smile in return, but mine was a lot more shy and reserved, “I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Robin, and this is my best friend Steve,” she introduced, “He’s helping me get all my things up here.”

“Oh, nice to meet you both. Let me know if I can help with anything!” I offered.

“Oh no, that’s fine, I’m sure you have your hands full! Are your parents here helping you?”

“No, just me. I’m new here, so… I don’t really have anyone,” I shrugged, preparing to head back downstairs when she stopped me.

“Hey, wait!”

I turned around, staring at her expectantly, eager to get back to carrying my boxes upstairs. I didn’t want to be rude, but.. there were so many.

“My parents will be here soon to help me, so why don’t you steal Steve?”

“Oh,” I stuttered, looking to Steve, “I couldn’t ask you to help me. Really, it’s fine, I can get it.”

“It’s no trouble,” he shrugged, “I’d like to. I’d hate for you to have to carry everything up by yourself. Besides, any roommate of Robin’s is a friend of mine.”

I breathed out a little chuckle and nodded, “If you insist.”

He followed me to the elevator, pressing the button for me and walking on after me. I expected awkward silence but there was none, he didn’t allow a single lull between his questions. He wanted to know everything, where I was from, what made me choose the school, what kinds of things I was into.

“Do you go here, too?” I asked him as we approached the U-Haul.

“Yes, I moved in yesterday. Robin helped me get everything to my dorm, but I’m on the first floor, so it was super easy. I figured I should help her anyway, though, even though she doesn’t need it.”

“She might not need it, but extra help is always appreciated. Or any help.”

“Is that your way of thanking me for helping you?”

“Well, it was either that or bake you a cake and there isn’t an oven in the dorm.”

“Raincheck on the cake, then,” he chuckled.

We talked the entire way back up, and I was shocked at how easy it came. I didn’t expect to click so well with him, and I silently prayed it’d be the same with Robin.

“There you two are,” she smiled as we walked back in, “Did he talk your ear off?”

“No,” I shrugged, “He talked the normal amount.”

“Yeah, the normal amount for a 6 year old on a road trip.”

Their dynamic was nice. They picked on each other, sure, but it was all friendly.

On the second trip down, Steve told me about his life. His high school experience, his hobbies, his hair. His friendship with Robin. I couldn’t tell whether or not there was something more than friendship there. I couldn’t help the small part of me that hoped not, Steve was really handsome and the nicest person I’d met in a while. But I definitely didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and I was much too shy to ask. Besides, a guy like him probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me anyway.

By the time we got back up to the dorm, Robin’s parents were there.

“Oh hello,” her mom smiled, “You must be the roommate! Y/N, right?”

“Yes ma’am,” I responded.

“Well I’m Robin’s mom, Melissa, and this is her Dad, Richard. It’s so nice to meet you! Oh, you’re just so pretty!”

“Thank you,” I grinned, a little overwhelmed with how nice the woman was being. She was pretty, much like Robin, and she’d aged well. But she also had a warmth about her that was comforting, welcoming even.

An hour later, they had all of Robin’s things up and unpacked. They didn’t even ask if I wanted help finishing up, they just got to work, carrying the last of my things up with Steve and beginning to open boxes.

“You guys really don’t have to do all this,” I mumbled, sheepishly. I always felt awful accepting help, overwhelmed with gratefulness to the point of guilt.

“Oh, hush!” her mom laughed, “We want to!”

It only took another hour to have everything in its place, and we all stared proudly at our handiwork.

“Thank you all so much for your help,” I smiled at the group.

“Of course!” Mr. Buckley patted me on the back, his grin charming, “And if you ever need anything else, you call us! Now, how about we all go get something to eat? I think we’ve worked up enough of an appetite!”

I at first assumed I wasn’t invited because, well, it’s Robin’s family and Steve has apparently been her best friend for years so he’s basically family too. I was new in all this and definitely didn’t expect to be having dinner with all of them. But when they all walked towards the door and I hung back, everyone turned to me, matching confusion on their faces.

“Come on,” Robin chuckled, “You think we’re gonna let you starve after all the work we just did?”

And just like that, we all piled into Mrs. Buckley’s car. I was squished in the middle between Robin and Steve. I wanted to give her the middle because she was so small, but she told me she would feel carsick from Steve’s cologne and she’d rather have the window seat.

“What’re you kids in the mood for?” Mrs Buckley asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Steve responded, and Robin and I agreed.

“I think there’s a barbecue joint a few miles down the road, let’s stop there,” Mr Buckley decided, turning to the back seat, “I know Robin and Steve like that, but is it okay with you, Y/N?”

“Of course,” I nodded, still shocked to be included in the dynamic.

Mrs Buckley almost missed the driveway to the restaurant and she slammed on her brakes and turned in at the last second, throwing me gracelessly into Steve, my seatbelt the only thing keeping me off his lap. He caught me swiftly as he himself hit the door, making sure I didn’t hurt myself in the commotion.

I risked a glance at him to see his eyes peering into mine, concerned and a bit discombobulated from the startle of it all.

“You okay?” he asked, and I nodded, staring down at his arm that was still around me. He cleared his throat, setting me upright in my seat as we pulled into a parking spot.

I turned to Robin, taking note of the huge smirk on her face. She was looking past me, eyes on Steve. Must’ve been some kind of inside joke I wasn’t part of yet.

We all walked inside together, and the hostess sat us at a booth, pulling an extra chair up to the end of it. I went to sit in it when Robin stopped me.

“Remember what I said about Steve’s cologne? And I get claustrophobic. You’d better sit by him, I’ll take the extra chair.”

I nodded slightly, sliding into the booth and letting Steve slide in beside me. I didn’t understand what the big deal was about his cologne, it wasn’t that strong. It was subtle but sweet, cinnamon overwhelming my senses and filling me with a warmth and comfort I craved. The kind of cologne that, when someone passes you wearing it, you stop and take a deep breath in, soak it up for all it’s worth.

Robin’s mom and dad, and Robin herself, were all giving Steve that strange smirk now, and I suddenly felt left out. I guess they were all in on the joke. Unlucky me.

We made small talk while we looked over the menus, picking what we wanted to eat.

“What’re you gonna get?” Steve asked, and I had to look up to realize his question was just for me. Robin and her parents were talking amongst themselves, completely ignoring us.

“I don’t know, probably just chicken fingers. I’m picky when I try new places.”

“Lame,” he tapped me in the ribs and joked, and I squirmed against his touch.

“It’s not lame! It’s a classic!”

“Let me guess, macaroni on the side?” he raised a brow, and I stared sheepishly at my lap, causing him to chuckle, “You’re pretty predictable, Grace.”

“That’s not my name,” I furrowed my brows at him.

“It’s a nickname. You know, Grace. ‘Cause you fell on me in the car. It’s irony.”

“Giving me nicknames already? My, how our friendship is growing,” I rolled my eyes, “If only it wasn’t such a rude one.”

“You can give me a rude one, too,” he offered, and I thought it over for a moment.

“Okay,” I nodded, “Box Boy.”

“Box Boy?”

“Yeah, cause you brought in all my boxes.”

“That’s the best you got?”

“It probably won’t stick, but I like it for now.”

“What’re you two whispering about?” Robin cut into our conversation, wiggling her eyebrows at us.

“It’s a secret, that’s why we’re whispering,” Steve deadpanned, and she snorted.

“Well, you two keep your secrets, and we’ll keep ours.”

“Fine by me, I have a feeling your secrets are pretty dark.”

I stifled a laugh, taking a long sip of my soda.

The rest of the dinner was full of happy chatting and getting to know each other. It turns out I got along really well with all of them, and I integrated well into the little group.

“You know, Y/N, I’m really happy you agreed to come eat with us,” Mrs Buckley told me as her husband handled the check.

“I’m just thankful you invited me! And paid for my food. Really, you didn’t have to!”

“Now stop with the bashfulness, you’re basically family now!”

With that, everyone stood. Steve helped me out of the booth and held the door open for me on the way out. It was sweet, in an old time kind of way. I fought off butterflies, and a crush that I felt coming a mile away.

Robin’s family dropped us off, and we stood outside talking for a few minutes.

“I’m gonna go inside and crash, but you two kids say your goodbyes,” she waved her hands at us and walked away, leaving us in silence.

“So…” I started.

“So…” he repeated.

“It was nice to meet you,” I offered.

“You, too.”

“Maybe I’ll see you again.”

“Hopefully.”

“Soon.”

“Yeah.”

I paused, not knowing what else to say. He was making no move to ask for my number, of course he probably wasn’t even interested like that anyway.

“Goodnight,” I smiled.

“Goodnight,” he repeated.

He stood for a moment and I stayed there, waiting for him to leave.

“I’m not going anywhere until I see you get inside safe.”

I giggled, “Yes sir.” And with that, I walked in.

The elevator ride to the fifth floor was long, but finally I was approaching my door, and I walked through it sleepily. I collapsed onto my bed, trying to ignore Robin’s staring.

“So…” she sighed, “You and Steve, huh?”

“Me and Steve what?”

“You guys have got it going on!”

“Have what going on?”

“Oh my God, Y/N, seriously, the sparks could’ve lit a cigarette. Did you give him your number?”

“He didn’t ask,” I shrugged, “Besides. I thought you guys were a thing.”

“I’m into chicks,” she rolled her eyes, “And even if I wasn’t, I still don’t know why you’d think that. I forced you to sit beside him the entire day. You think his cologne really bothers me that much? NO. I wanted you guys to… you know…. hit it off!!”

“Well, I think he’s a little out of my league,” I shrugged, sinking further into my sheets sadly.

“He absolutely is not. And I promise he’s into you. He’s just not the best with girls is all. He’ll have your number soon enough.”

“You’re not planning on giving it to him, right?”

“What? No! I’m gonna make the little shit ask you himself!”

“If he ever does.”

“He will.”

•First Day of Class

I walked into the lecture hall, brows furrowed, trying to make sure I was where I was supposed to be. Yes, room 208, I concluded.

It was a large room, but it wasn’t completely full. There were only about 20-30 people there total. I, of course, didn’t recognize any of them, so I took a seat away from everyone else. Nobody even spared me a glance, and I felt comfortable in my solitude, until the heavy door opened and shut behind me and a figure looked over me.

I looked up to see Steve, just as handsome as the first time I saw him. He was wearing a pair of joggers and a yellow sweatshirt, and he pulled off the comfy look well.

“Why are you sitting over here all alone?” he asked, one perfect eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know anyone,” I shrugged, and he scoffed.

“Well come sit by me and the guys from my dorm. I’ll introduce you.”

“I think I’d rather stay here.”

“Really?” I nodded slowly, “Then you leave me no choice.” He plopped down in the chair beside me, setting his things down and getting comfortable.

“What’re you doing?” I asked him.

“Well I’m not just gonna let you sit all alone.”

“But I like being alone,” I huffed, “Plus your friends miss you!” I gestured to the three guys staring holes through us.

He glanced in their direction and nodded, and that’s all it took for them to pile over to us.

“Stevie! My man! You gonna introduce us to your lovely friend?” One of them asked as he took the seat in front of us. He held his hand out for me to shake and I took it carefully, sighing.

“This is Grace.“

“That’s not my name!” I groaned.

“Then what is your name?” the tallest of the guys asked.

“Y/N.”

“Cute,” he winked at me, and Steve rolled his eyes sharply. “Y/N, this is Tate, Drew and Johnny.”

They all greeted me kindly and I responded in turn, but there wasn’t much time to talk before an older man walked in, an air of authority in his step.

“Hello, all. I’m Professor Chomsky, I’ll be teaching this course,” he began. What followed was a list of rules, regulations, class schedules, and lesson plans dull enough to make my forehead hit the desk in front of me.

“This is awful,” Steve whispered beside me, and the other guys nodded, “Another hour of his voice might kill me.”

“Shh!” I hissed at him, trying my best to focus on what the man at the front of the room was saying.

“Oh, get off it,” Steve smirked, “You’re just as bored as we are.”

“I’ll have you know I’m absolutely riveted!”

“Lying isn’t a good look, Grace.”

Just then, Tate chimed in, “Why do you call her Grace anyway if her name is Y/N?”

“It’s an inside thing,” Steve waved him off, “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Yeah, because calling me ‘Grace’ to make fun of me for being clumsy is such a hard joke to understand.”

“I don’t like your attitude today, Grace,” he furrowed his brows dramatically, and I couldn’t help giggling.

We were all interrupted by the sound of Professor Chomsky’s voice, booming at us to be quiet. We obeyed, whispering quietly every now and then but mostly hanging on by a thread to his monotonous words.

The class ended about a half hour later and Steve and I went our separate ways. We ended up having one more class together, and the guys were all in there, too, plus Drew’s girlfriend Natalie and Johnny’s sister Elaine. Robin as well. It was the most fun of all of them. It also happened to be my last class of the day. As it wrapped up and we all packed up our things, Steve stopped in front of my chair.

“Can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked me.

“Sure,” I nodded with a smile, throwing my bag over my shoulder and following him out.

We chatted on the five minute walk. I found that I didn’t want it to end, but I hoped when it did, he would ask for my number. Or something, at least, to make me think he was interested. Part of me knew he wasn’t, though. Not as more than a friend.

“Here we are,” I sighed as we approached the doors.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “So… umm.. I’m happy we have those classes together. It’ll be nice to hangout every week.”

“Yeah, and we seem to have a good little group going. I like everyone a lot.”

“Everyone likes you a lot, too.”

I swayed on my toes, staring at him, waiting patiently. For what, I wasn’t sure.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?” he proclaimed, his voice chipper. I nodded slowly. “You know the drill, I can’t leave until you’re inside safe.”

I rolled my eyes and gave him a dopey grin, walking in just as I had the last time.

• Hangout at Elaine’s Apartment

Days of hanging out with Steve in class passed slowly, and I soaked in every moment. I was trying desperately to keep what I felt at bay, but it proved difficult when he wanted to walk me home every day.

A month went by and it was Saturday. I woke up around noon, the week had been especially exhausting, and immediately started studying. Robin did the same, sitting at her desk beside me and rifling through her flash cards.

“How is it that he’s walked you home every single day and still not asked for your number?” she asked out of nowhere.

“Robin, we’re talking about biochem. Not Steve.”

“Believe me, Steve is a scientific anomaly, so it’s close enough.”

I rolled my eyes, “I don’t know, okay? It’s like I wait for him to make a move or something every day, but he never does.”

“Well isn’t there anything between you both? All the rest of us can see it!”

“There’s chemistry, or at least I thought there was, but now I’m sure it was just one sided. He’s just not into me like that.”

“Then why does he walk you home every single day and not me?”

“Well… you have another class after that so you couldn’t walk with us, and he probably just doesn’t want to walk that far twice a day.”

“You’re grasping at straws. The boy wants you.”

“Why are you so invested, anyway? It’s not that serious, Rob. We’re just friends, that’s fine with me.”

“I just…” she started, trying to form her words correctly, “Steve has never been good with girls. He had one girlfriend, in high school. She wasn’t the best. I mean, she was fine, and he was happy, but she hurt him and he.. well, the details don’t matter but anyway. He never really had luck with any other girls. He was always too caught up in something else. But now we’re out of that town and you can’t convince me that your coming into our lives was a coincidence. Steve deserves this, and I want him to have it. If he can just get out of his own way.”

“And if he can’t?”

“He will. Believe me. It’s just gonna take a big push.”

“I’d rather just be his friend than stress myself over it,” I shrugged, going back to my studying.

A couple hours later, Robin got a text from Steve telling her that everyone was hanging out at Elaine’s apartment and we should come.

“Wanna go?” she asked me.

“I don’t know, I have a lot of studying left to do,” I hesitated.

“I was only asking to be polite. We’re going,” she stated, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my closet. “And you’re not wearing those wrinkly old jeans and a baggy t shirt. Pick something cute.”

“I’m not really a ‘cute clothes’ girl.”

“Well, tonight, you are.” She looked through my closet, pulling out a yellow sundress I stole from my mom’s closet at some point in time. I had to admit, it was a beautiful dress.

“You’ll wear this with your white sneakers,” she instructed, leaving no room for argument so I just nodded. “Steve won’t know what hit him!”

“Honestly, he’s probably into Elaine.”

“Why do you think that?”

“She’s… well, she’s older. She’s smart, and beautiful, and she always dresses to impress. She’s just.. she’s got everything.”

“Yeah, that’s why I have a crush on her. But I promise Steve doesn’t.”

“Whatever you say.”

Before long, it was time to get ready. I put on a little makeup, just some mascara, blush, and lip gloss, and paired gold hoops and a gold charm bracelet with the dress, slipping on my sneakers and following Robin out the door.

We were supposed to meet Steve outside of his dorm. The plan was for him to drive us to Elaine’s. As we approached the parking lot, we saw him leaning against the driver’s door of his car. Elaine was right in front of him, and they were locked in what seemed like a deep conversation.

“What’s that all about?” Robin asked as we took a step or two closer. I stopped in my tracks, though, when Elaine leaned up and kissed him square on his lips.

My heart shattered into about a million pieces. It’s crazy how you never know how intense your feelings for someone are until they blow up in your face. Sure, it hadn’t been long since I met him, but everyone has had a crush that spiraled out of control way too quickly.

“Hey, love birds?” Robin called out, her voice accusing.

They broke apart, startled, and stared at us dumbly. No doubt Steve saw the hurt on my face, but I tried so hard to keep it at bay.

“Grace,” he started, making a move to walk over to me, but the scene was interrupted by the other 3 guys joining us.

“Okay, so how’s this gonna work?” Tate blurted as they approached, “I know Y/N and Steve always have to sit by each other, And Natalie will be on Drew’s lap in the back, so I’m assuming Robin is gonna squeeze in the back with us?”

“I’d rather ride on the hood,” she croaked.

“It’s fine,” I sighed, “I’ll ride in the back with you guys, Robin can sit up front.”

“Well, someone can ride with me,” Elaine offered, “And you’ll just have to ride uncomfortably on the way back instead of both ways?”

“I will,” Natalie offered, “Wanna join me, Drew? That way there’s room in Steve’s car for everyone?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, following her to Elaine’s vehicle.

“I still wanna sit in the back,” I shrugged, climbing into the middle and letting both boys climb on either side of me.

Steve stared into the car at me for a moment, fists clenched, before climbing in behind the wheel and pulling off.

The ride had the potential to be awkward, and if it wasn’t for Johnny and Tate, it would’ve been. They lightened the mood a lot. Between their jokes and banter, I felt comfortable a couple minutes in. It was only a ten minute drive, and it went by extra quick with them.

As Steve pulled in, the car lurched to the side and threw me onto Tate.

“Woah there, I see why Steve calls you Grace now,” he laughed as he helped me up. The spark I felt when it happened with Steve wasn’t there, but Steve didn’t know that, and he sent us a death glare through the rear view mirror.

Elaine pulled in right after us and lead us up a flight of stairs to an isolate apartment, quite large. It was a one bedroom two bathroom, but every room was huge.

“Mi casa es su casa,” she sighed as we walked in. “I’ve got drinks, card games, books to study, and lots of movies. Whatever you guys are into!”

“Let’s starts out with the drinks,” Johnny suggested, and everyone nodded.

Moments later, we all had a beer in our hands. Elaine suggested we save the liquor for after, and we agreed. We also all collectively decided we would play Cards Against Humanity until we were tipsy, and then we would watch a horrible movie together.

Music played from the radio in the background as we all settled into our spots for the night. Drew and Natalie on the bean bag chair, Johnny Tate and Robin piled onto the couch, and Elaine cozy in her recliner. That left only the loveseat for Steve and I, and I fought a scowl.

“Scoot over, Rob,” I gestured, but she refused.

“I wanna stretch out and be comfy! There’s plenty of room on the love seat!”

I rolled my eyes and flipped her off, walking begrudgingly to Steve and plopping down beside him.

“Is sitting by me really that bad of a thing?” he asked, and everyone stared at me, waiting for an answer.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just.. Robin was right. Your cologne is a lot.”

He almost looked hurt, but he shook it off as we started the game.

A few rounds in, Steve leaned back in his seat, accidentally shifting himself closer to me. I stared down at his leg, almost touching mine.

“You look nice tonight,” he mumbled so nobody but me could hear, “I’ve never seen you in something so… delicate before.”

“If you’re gonna compliment someone, it should be your girlfriend,” I shrugged off what he’d said and took a long swig of my beer.

“Girlfriend?” he furrowed his brows.

“You know. The girl you kissed.”

“Oh.” He stared at his lap. “Listen, Grace, that wasn’t -“

“I don’t want to hear it,” I shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me. You guys are super cute together, I’m real happy for you.”

He looked taken aback but my tone told him he should let it go, and he did, taking a swig of his own beer and leaving me alone for the moment. The moment didn’t last long, though, because before long everyone was a little intoxicated from all the alcohol and his arm was resting on my shoulders. I couldn’t fight the way I fell into him, I could barely even fight the sleep.

“Movie time!” Elaine exclaimed, jumping up to find her favorite DVD. She picked a cheesy old scary movie that barely made sense, and we were all more than happy with it. Nobody wants to watch a good movie while they’re drunk. She settled back in as it began, munching on the snacks she’d brought out for everyone.

“Please talk to me,” Steve mumbled into my hair.

“Don’t want to,” I slurred out, closing my eyes and breathing him in. My actions didn’t match up with my words and I knew that, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Well then come here,” he sighed, grabbing me under my knees and pulling me into his lap. He rested me against his chest, holding me snugly, letting me get as cozy in him as I wanted. “Talk to me when you’re ready.”

If I’d been sober, I would’ve worried about cuddling with Elaine’s boyfriend right in front of her, but I wasn’t. I did spare her a glance, though, and she smiled at me. Strange. She didn’t seem to care at all.

“Shouldn’t you be snuggling with Elaine over there?” I whispered to him, my face nestled in the crook of his neck.

He pulled a blanket from beside the armrest and tucked it over me as he responded, “Let’s talk when we’re sober.”

“Wan’ talk now,” I hummed.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, Grace. The closest thing I have to a girlfriend is you.”

“But y’kissed her and you never kissed me,” I pouted. I don’t know whether my attitude came from sleepy delirium or intoxication.

“You’re right,” he nodded, leaving it at that.

“Y’could if you wanted to,” I breathed out as I drifted off into sleep.

I woke up in the passenger seat of the car. Robin was driving, and I looked around frantically for Steve before realizing I was in his lap.

“Oh, hi,” I mumbled.

“Morning, sunshine,” he smiled, “Go back to sleep. I’ll make sure you get in bed safe.”

“I don’t wanna go back to sleep,” I whined, leaning up.

I glanced in the back seat. Johnny was on one side, half asleep leaning on the window. Tate was in the middle, texting someone, and Drew was on the other side with Natalie passed out on his lap.

“Why’s Robin driving?” I asked curiously.

“He didn’t want you sleeping on anyone else,” she smirked at us.

“Oh,” I didn’t know what else to say to that.

He ran his hand through my hair, playing with the strands, twisting them between his fingers.

“That feels good,” I hummed, leaning into his touch.

“Yeah?” he asked as he kept going, tugging the strands a little harder.

“Mmhmm.”

“Get a room,” Tate coughed from his spot in the back, and we all giggled.

Finally, Robin pulled into the parking lot of our dorms.

“Come on,” Steve sighed, opening the car door and helping me out. His hand stayed at the small of my back as he walked me to the door, steadying me when I swayed slightly.

“I’m gonna have the worst headache tomorrow,” I whined.

“Probably,” he laughed, helping me up the stairs.

Robin cleared her throat, “I’m gonna go upstairs and let you guys… talk.” We nodded and watched her go, then turned back to each other.

“I should probably go up, too,” I mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Okay,” he nodded, but he didn’t let go of me. “I want to talk to you about -“

“I don’t want to talk about Elaine, Steve. Just go.”

“But-“

“No. I’m still drunk and I’m tired and my heart can’t take much more tonight so please just go and we’ll talk about it another time.”

“Grace,” he started, and I could tell he was frustrated, but I was too. It sucked walking up on him lip locking someone else. I didn’t want to listen or get over it yet. Any explanation he had wouldn’t be good enough for me, after all, what excuse is there to kiss another girl if he liked me? The only explanation was that he wasn’t into me, and he was trying to let me down easy. Or trying to have both.

“Stop,” I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away slightly, “I said another time. Please go.”

He watched me for a few seconds, waiting for me to change my mind, but I didn’t. I wanted him to go. For the first time, I wasn’t lingering or giving him that look like he could kiss me if he wanted to.

“Okay. Just take my number in case you need anything tonight.”

I nodded slowly, handing him my phone. He inputted the digits and handed it back, then let me walk inside in peace. I made it all the way upstairs before finally freeing my emotions, and the alcohol in my system caused them to spill out of my eyes.

“Oh, Y/N,” Robin sighed, walking over to sit by me.

“I am so over Steve Harrington,” I huffed.

“You didn’t even hear him out?”

“It doesn’t matter what he says, it’s not gonna wipe the image of them kissing out of my head.”

She nodded, staying up with me a little longer before we both nodded off.

The next morning, I woke up to a message from Steve. Apparently he’d called himself from my phone so he’d have my number too.

Good morning. Just checking on you. You feel okay?

I read it over and over before turning the phone off, deciding not to respond. I could feel my head pounding and I couldn’t take extra stress.

I got up, preparing to go get some water from the vending machine, but when I opened the door I saw a convenience store bag on the outside handle. I opened it to see advil, water, and powerade, along with a note scribbled on the receipt.

“Figured you might need this.

Let me know if you need anything else.

Steve.”

My heart grew as I paced back in the room, sitting on my bed. I texted him to thank him, then fell back to sleep with medicine and hydration in my system.

• The Next Class

I ignored Steve for the rest of that day. I suppose seeing him kiss someone else made the walls build up around my heart, but all I knew for sure was that he couldn’t get through anymore. Of course, I was still a bit sad. I liked Steve a lot, but we were better off as friends.

I walked to class the next morning, running a minute or two late but I knew Professor Chomsky wouldn’t care much. When I walked in, Steve and the guys were in their usual seats, and I took mine right in the center of them.

“Morning, Grace,” Steve absolutely beamed at me. I grinned tightly and politely in return, and pulled out my books, not bothering to respond. It probably seemed a little rude, but to me, it was what I had to do. “You gonna keep ignoring me? I screwed up that bad?”

I glanced over at him, “You didn’t screw up at all. We’re friends, Steve. I’m happy when you’re happy and if you’re happy with Elaine then I hope you guys work out.”

“Saturday night you were practically crying, and now you’re giving me your blessing and saying you want me to date her?”

“I was drunk. I’m not anymore, and yes, I want you to be with her. I’m sure she’s a great girlfriend. Just what you deserve.”

“Unbelievable,” he scoffed, “You really just want to be friends?”

“Yes,” I nodded curtly, turning to my books.

The other guys were looking at us curiously, like we were a soap opera playing right in front of them. They looked even more astounded when I walked out at the end of class without waiting for Steve. I felt horrible. He was the sweetest guy in the world. But clearly he liked Elaine more, seeing as she’s the one he made a move on, and I wasn’t going to stand in their way. I was sure it would get easier with time.

The next class I had with him went similarly. He tried to talk to me, and I brushed him off. I didn’t ignore him, I just didn’t entertain him, and I could tell it drove him nuts.

I could feel Elaine watching us, watching him. She must’ve been wondering why he was so wrapped up in me instead of talking to her. I was wondering that myself, but I let it go.

“Are you ever going to forgive him?” Robin asked as we walked out.

“I already did. It’s just not the same. I dunno,” I shrugged.

“I think you should hear him out. He’s bound to have an explanation for that kiss.”

“Even if he does, I don’t want to hear it, Rob. It happened and even if I decided to go back to how it used to be, I’d still see him kissing her in my brain every time he got close to me.”

“I understand,” she nodded, and we parted ways as she headed off to her next class. I, however, set off for my dorm.

“Grace!” I heard from behind me, and I sighed, knowing only one person called me that.

I turned around to see him sprinting to me, “I’m not letting you walk home alone.”

“Steve,” I sighed.

“No.” He seemed genuine, serious. “I care about you. Even if we’re just friends, I care about you. You don’t get to become one of my favorite people and then just cut me off. I’m walking you home. Like a friend would do.”

I stared at him for a moment, then nodded. Truthfully, I was delighted that he’d asked. I figured, with the way I’d treated him that day, he wouldn’t bother.

“So you and Elaine…” I started as we walked, genuine curiosity gnawing at me.

“Can we not talk about it?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Shouldn’t you be walking with her, though? How does she feel about our friendship?“

“Grace,” he warned, and I heeded, shutting up.

We made small talk the entire way, the awkward kind we weren’t used to. I hoped the “friendship” would come more naturally with time. After all, we’d been the best of friends for the entire two months since we met. And we’d never really been more than friends, so I wasn’t sure why this was throwing us off so much.

“Thank you for walking with me, Steve,�� I said, preparing to walk away when he grabbed my hand.

“I really want us to go back to how things were before… what you saw.”

“I want that too, Steve. I just… can we forget everything and just be friends like we were?”

“Please,” he sighed, relief washing over him.

“But it can’t be quite the same. I don’t know if you realize how.. touchy, and close we are. Do you think maybe we could take a step back from that for a while?”

“If that’s what it takes to fix this, but I don’t want to. I hope you know that.”

“Steve, you have a girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s- well, she’s-“

“She’s what?”

“I can’t talk about it,” he ran his hand through his hair like he did when he was stressed.

“Of course. Well, when you’re ready to, we can go back to how it was. But for now, we’re just friends who don’t constantly sit by each other and hold hands and hug and walk together.”

“That’s fair,” he agreed, resigning himself to his fate.

With that, I left and we didn’t talk much for the rest of the day. He texted me, but I didn’t respond. I wanted him to get the picture.

• The Halloween Party

Another month passed slowly. Distancing myself from Steve was horrible. Every time the group hung out, he was agonizingly close, but I kept away and he respected my wishes and kept away from me, too. It almost itched, how badly I wanted to reach out and grab his hand. I thought it would become easier, but it didn’t. And the worst part was that the group wasn’t adjusting well to the new dynamic, constantly making jokes and comments about “me putting Steve in the dog house.”

Whatever had been going on with Steve and Elaine seemed to be over, they would chat but I never saw any PDA or even chemistry between them. In fact, she’d grown closer to Robin than anything, and when we would hang out, they would stick together. Natalie and Drew were a pair, and Steve would pack in with Tate and Johnny. I was sort of lonesome, but it was okay. Part of me wanted to just forget the kiss and go fully back to how it was, touching flirting and all. But as I told Robin, it was engrained in my memory and I didn’t really want him if he chose her first.

“Y/N,” Elaine snapped me out of my trance as we waited for class to start, all huddled up in our little group.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I was telling everyone about my Halloween party. It’s gonna be you guys, and a few older friends I have in my other classes. Not, like, a banger, but definitely a crowd and a good time. Interested?”

“Of course, do I have to dress up?”

“Well it is a Halloween Party,” she rolled her eyes at me, laughing.

And that was that. We all planned to go. She was having it at her parents’ cabin, about 45 minutes away from the campus. Obviously, she couldn’t do it at her apartment.

The days leading up to it, Robin and I looked for costumes. She decided to go as Velma, and she tried to convince me to dress as Daphne but I suggested that Elaine be Daphne instead, and they both loved the idea. I had a costume of my own in mind.

I dug in the back of my closet until I found a black peasant dress that I’d had for forever. It was long sleeve, and the sleeves were lace and flared at the bottom. The cut was low and accentuated the way the corseted middle pushed up my chest, and the skirt flared out but still highlighted all my curves in all the right places. I paired it with some ripped up fishnets, black boots, and a funky witch’s hat I found at the Halloween store that also had lace lining it. It was perfect, maybe even good enough to get the kind of attention that would help me forget Steve once and for all.

When the day came for the party, Robin went to Elaine’s to get ready and I got ready alone. I curled my hair, did my makeup perfectly for the first time in forever, and finished the look off with red lipstick. Then I got dressed, and I was ready to head out the door when I got a phone call from Steve, whom I was supposed to meet outside of his dorm so he could drive me, Natalie, and the other guys there.

“Hey,” I answered, “What’s up?”

“Hey, just letting you know, don’t walk over. I’m coming to get you. Natalie is gonna take her car, and the guys are going with her, so it’ll just be me and you.”

“Okay, you headed here now?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in like two minutes.”

“I’ll be outside waiting,” I told him and we hung up.

When he pulled up, I was standing on the curb, all dressed up. My nerves were bundled up in my stomach, and I felt like I needed to throw up. What if he didn’t like my outfit? He’d never seen me so dressed up before.

He got out of the car and ran over to the passenger side, opening the door for me. I couldn’t miss the way his eyes scanned me, hungry and searching for every exposed patch of skin he could see.

He cleared his throat as he sat in his own seat, “You look….”

“Different?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Good.”

I smiled, sitting back. My nerves were still there, but they were eased by the way he couldn’t stop staring at me, glances out of the corner of his eye giving him away as he began the drive.

“What’re you supposed to be?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at his black t shirt and black jeans.

“I didn’t want to dress up, but Robin said I had to so I just picked up a ghost face mask.”

“Ghost face, huh? Chicks dig that.”

“That’s exactly what Robin said,” he laughed, “Billy Loomis does it for girls, huh?”

“I’m not telling you what does it for me, but nice try.”

“I see the new look comes with a new attitude.”

I blushed, covering it up by staring out the window. We were doing so well, just being friendly. Why was he suddenly flirting now? And why was I flirting back? I told myself to get a grip, and stayed silent for a moment, so he turned up the radio, taking my hint.

The rest of the ride was filled with silence, heavy with tension. I felt like a rubber band about to snap, the glances he was giving me sending me into overdrive but I pretended I was fine, crossing my legs and staring out the window.

I opened my door before he had the chance when we pulled into the parking lot. There were a good bit of cars, and it seemed like a little more than a crowd. I suppose Elaine’s intimate hangout had accidentally turned into a party. Steve noticed this as well, placing his hand on the small of my back as we walked in together possessively but I brushed him off, walking over to where Robin and Elaine were sitting on the couch.

Robin must’ve been over the moon with all the attention she’d been getting from the older girl. Just by the way they were sitting, I could imagine her pulse racing. Elaine’s legs were thrown over Rob’s lap, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck. If I didn’t know them well, I’d assume they were a couple.

“Welcome to my party!” Elaine grinned.

“It did turn into quite the event, huh?” I chuckled, glancing around.

“One person told another person who told everybody, I guess,” she shrugged.

“Where’s the alcohol?” I asked her.

“Through that door,” she pointed to what I assumed was the kitchen. I walked that way, running into Tate and Johnny on the way, so they walked with me.

“You look hot, Y/N!” Johnny grinned wide as he told me so. He wasn’t being weird or anything, he was genuinely just giving me a compliment, so I grinned in return.

“Really, who knew you had this badass in you? Red lipstick and everything? Poor Steve must be having palpitations,” Tate laughed, and the other nodded.

“Steve and I are just friends.”

“That’s what you want, not what he wants. He loooooooves you, he wants to smooooooooch you,” Johnny sang, tapping his fingers together in a kissing motion.

“I think you’ve had too much too drink,” I scoffed, pouring myself a cup full of whatever looked good and leaving them to go back to the couch. The only open spot was beside Steve, so I took it, sipping on my drink.

“You’re not gonna make yourself a drink?” I asked him, and he shook his head.

“Put on your mask, dingus. It’s a costume party,” Robin reached over and poked him, and he rolled his eyes as he did as she asked.

He looked good. I could feel my heart begin to race as he turned to me, and usually it would’ve made me nervous, but I just felt powerful in that moment. I knew he thought I looked good. I wanted to use it. I wanted to make him burn like I had.

I leaned in close to him, “Wanna play psycho killer?”

“Grace-“ he started, but I cut him off.

“Can I be the helpless victim?” I placed my hand on his chest, my fingers brushing over where hair peeled through the top of his v neck. I almost felt him shiver. “Please don’t kill me, Mr Ghost Face. I wanna be in the sequel!” I trailed my hand down his chest, scratching him lightly with my nails. As I approached his waist line, he grabbed my wrist sharply, halting my movements.

“You think you’re cute?” he huffed.

“You think I’m cute,” I smirked. I pulled my hand away from him and got up, leaving him there basically panting as I walked away.

I found Johnny and Tate chatting with a couple of other guys, and approached.

“Oh, hey! Y/N! I was wondering where you ran off to!” Tate smiled, welcoming me in.

“Just went to mess with Steve,” I shrugged, glancing at the other guys. One of them had his eyes on me, and I took the opportunity.

“Are you friends with these guys?” I asked him, leaning in a little closer.

“Yeah, I stay in the same dorm as them,” the guy nodded.

“Oh, neat! I can’t believe I’ve never seen you before!”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. Plenty of time to make up for it,” he winked at me.

“What are you doing?” Johnny whisper yelled into my ear, “Steve is watching you!”

“Steve and I are just friends. He likes kissing other girls so I’m gonna go talk to another guy.”

With that, I stepped closer to the mystery man. “Wanna dance?”

He nodded, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the center of the floor where people were dancing. He turned me around and I began swaying with him, daring to glance over at Steve. He looked furious, absolutely fuming at the sight of me with someone else. I was thriving off of it.

All of a sudden, Elaine pulled me away from him, pulling me closer to the couches. The guy protested for a second but Elaine sent him a death glare and he backed off.

“Why are you doing this?” she sighed.

“Doing what?”

“Dancing with him. Steve is right there. You’re breaking his heart.”

“Steve kissed you, Elaine. Even if you guys aren’t a thing, even if it didn’t work out or whatever and he likes me now, it happened and I can’t just forget that. He liked you more than me or he wouldn’t have kissed you instead of me and I don’t want to be second choice.”

“But that’s not what happened! Steve and I were never a thing!”

“Well he must’ve felt something, because he sure did swap spit with you.”

“It was a peck,” she rolled her eyes and huffed, throwing her hands up dramatically, “And I’m gay.”

My mouth fell agape, “What?”

“I never knew. I mean, I always thought girls were cute or whatever but I never had romantic feelings for them. Then I met Robin and couldn’t think about anything else. Excuse my bluntness, but I’ve never wanted to scissor anyone so badly. Steve is so easy to talk to, I completely opened up that night. I asked him if I could kiss him to see if I felt anything. To see if it felt right, and he said yes and believe me, neither of us felt anything. It was just weird.”

“So you and Robin are together now?”

“Well… I’m hoping we’ll get together tonight, if you catch my drift.”

“And Steve never liked you?”

“Of course not. Y/N, he’s been head over heels for you since he met you. He doesn’t talk about anyone else, he doesn’t think about anyone else.”

“Oh God, why didn’t I just hear him out sooner when he tried to talk to me about this? I’ve screwed everything up!”

“Look at him. He loves you, it’s all over his face. You haven’t screwed anything up.”

I stared at him for a moment before thanking her and heading his way.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, standing directly in front of where he sat so my knees bumped into his bent ones.

“Why didn’t I tell you what?”

“About Elaine. If I’d just known-“

“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything to anyone until she was sure.”

“Still, you could’ve-“

“You were so upset about me kissing another girl, nothing but the truth would’ve worked.”

“Steve,” I sighed, “If I had known-“

“What would you have done?”

“I would’ve- Well, I would’ve-“

I couldn’t even complete my sentence, he cut me off at the jump, leaning in and slotting his lips onto mine. I was startled for a moment but he didn’t stop, and eventually I kissed back, savoring every second like it was the last. He pulled away as if he wanted to say something but I didn’t let him, pulling him right back in by his shirt and wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands found my back, pulling me closer into an arch and wandering, ghosting over my waist line.

We were cut short by cheers coming from beside us, and we backed away from each other just enough to look.

“It’s about damn time, dingus!” Robin huffed, wrapped tightly in Elaine’s arms. I blushed, hiding my face in Steve’s chest, and he leaned down to my ear.

“Come with me,” he whispered, and I nodded.

He lead me to the backyard, where a lake was glistening in the moonlight. There was a lake house beside it, cute and cottagey, like something out of a story book.

“Elaine is letting all of us stay here tonight,” he explained, “There’s only three bedrooms, though. So she told me we could stay out here.”

“She just assumed I’d be staying wherever you stay?”

“I mean, be honest with yourself, Grace. Even if we were still just friends, you’d rather bunk with me than anyone else here.”

“I suppose that’s true,” I shrugged, following him through the door to see that it was immaculately decorated. It didn’t have a real fireplace like the house did but it did have one of those huge automatic ones, so he turned it on, warming the place up. It was one room, there was a bed in the corner, not huge but big enough for the two of us, a TV above the fireplace and a couch in front of it with some other furniture scattered about. There was a closet and a bathroom, as well.

“We left the party awfully early,” I observed, turning to him.

“I have a night in a lake house with you, and you think I wanna waste it partying?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” I smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer.

“I’m in love with you, Grace. I haven’t loved anyone in a really long time, and maybe never like this. And I know it’s quick, but I don’t care. I love you.”

“I love you too, stupid,” I rolled my eyes, pulling him closer until his lips met mine again and we fell into a dance of teeth and tongue.

He grabbed the fat of my hip, squeezing, the dress bunching up in his fingers.

“Fuck, Y/N, do you even know what this dress does to me?” he groaned, “Never seen you like this before.”

“I only bought it so you could take it off,” I rasped as his lips found my neck. At my words, he started sucking, leaving a mark I was sure would stay for days, and I moaned. Something about him wanting to claim me made me shiver, goosebumps littering my skin, my need multiplying.

“I can do that, baby,” he nodded, reaching behind me and pulling the zipper down slowly. He eased it down my shoulders, his fingertips brushing my skin and his eyes following their path. His irises got a little darker at the sight of the black lace covering my most sacred places, and he went ahead and undid the clasp of my bra, letting it fall with the dress.

“You look so pretty like this,” he sighed, staring at me for a moment, his gaze loving.

“Your turn,” I smirked, slipping my hands under his shirt and pulling it over his head. My fingertips clumsily attempted to undo his belt, and he stopped me, doing it himself one handed and throwing it on the ground. It was one of the hottest things I’ve seen him do. I let out a light moan, and he chuckled.

“Feel like a helpless victim yet?” he asked.

“You’re not wearing the mask, so no,” I shrugged jokingly, and he frowned.

“I can fix that,” he stated, walking to the table by the door where he’d set said mask. He pulled it on his head and my mouth fell slightly agape. He looked so perfect. So pretty.

“Want me to fuck you just like this?” he asked, and I nodded frantically. “Come here,” he grabbed my hips lightly, leading me to the end of the bed. He spun me slowly, “Bend over for me, baby,” he coaxed as he pressed on my back. I did as he asked and all I heard was a rip as he tore off the stockings, not worrying about my shoes.

I looked back to see him falling to his knees, then I felt his fingertips where I needed him most and I gasped. It was slow at first, just light touching, but I was absolutely dripping, desperately waiting for what I wanted.

“Steve, baby, please,” I whimpered, and he chuckled again.

“Anything for you, Grace,” he cooed, pushing one finger in. I let out a sigh and a moan, begging for more, and he obliged, pushing in another and eventually a third. Before long, he had a steady rhythm, pushing in and out of me in a way that had me ready to come apart.

“Please Steve, need it, need more, need you,” I panted, pushing back on him, reaching behind me to touch whatever part of him I could reach.

I heard a sharp zip as he undid his pants, kicking them off. His tip rubbed against my slit teasingly at first, then pushed in slowly, and I let out a shaky breath. He was huge, bigger than I’d probably ever had, and my walls were stretched deliciously. It didn’t help that I hadn’t done anything with anyone in a while. I’d been waiting for Steve since before I even met him.

“Please,” I whined, my voice a broken shell of what it was before he kissed me. He’d wrecked me already and hadn’t even fucked me yet.

“Here you go, baby. I’ve got you,” he sighed, setting a steady pattern of thrusts, hard and quick and perfect, everything I needed from him, His hands found my hips, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises, and I met him thrust for thrust pushing into him like a woman starved.

That lasted for a little longer before he pulled out abruptly. I whined, achingly empty, but he stopped me short by grabbing my hips and turning me over. “Scoot back,” he instructed, “I wanna see your pretty face.”

“I wanna see yours too,” I hummed as I did as he asked, scooting all the way to the top of the bed and laying my head down like a true pillow princess. He nodded, ripping the mask off and tossing it aside, and I gasped at him in all his glory. He was so handsome, hair a mess on his head, a slight sheen of sweat making him glisten.

He climbed up on top of me, grabbing my leg and putting it over his shoulder. He leaned down and captured my lips as he pushed in, and I groaned, the new angle putting him in just the right spot.

“I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that,” I whimpered.

“That’s the point,” he smirked, reaching down to rub circles on my clit as he fucked me harder. “Such a good girl, gonna cum all over me?”

I nodded frantically, wrapping my free leg around his back and pulling him in farther, earning a deep groan.

“You’re so perfect like this, taking it so good. Who woulda known my quiet girl could take it like this?” his words spurred me on, making me see stars as the coil in my tummy got ready to snap.

“Steve baby need to cum, please cum with me,” I gasped, clenching around him as I finally snapped, and he groaned. He wasn’t very far behind me, and we rode out our highs together, staring at each other when we were done like a couple of lovestruck kids.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here,” he whispered for only me, and I giggled.

“It’s okay, Steve. It’s my fault. If I hadn’t spent so long being jealous, this would’ve already happened.”

“I think it happened right when it was supposed to,” he smirked, kissing me on the forehead and walking to the bathroom. He wet a towel and brought it back, cleaning me up and then himself, then joined me in bed.

“Would you wanna, like, go on a date with me?” he asked, nerves clouding his voice.

I thought it over for a moment, leaving him in suspense.

“Of course. How about tomorrow?”

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve smut #steve stranger things #stranger things #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #steve x reader #steve x you #stranger things smut #ghostface!steve harrington #ghostface

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pcheyes · 11 months ago

Note

since you are looking for requests, how about something valentines related with eunseok or seunghan? they're so valentine coded to me

ahh they are !!!

lovestruck

pairing: eunseok x fem reader

genre: fluff, friends to lovers,

warnings: eunseok is hopelessly in love

synopsis: your science partner just couldn’t get you out of his head, so he finally decides to do something about it

word count: 552 words

song suggestions: weak for your love-thee sacred souls

eunseok couldnt believe it.

how could you, of all people turn him into a stuttering mess? he hasnt had a crush since 7th grade, and Emily Pritchett sure had a lot to say about him. he was one of the tallest boys in the school but somehow whenever he was around you he shrunk his figure and his voice.

you had only been paired up for a science project a few months ago, so how could everything change so fast?

maybe it was how caring you are.

immediately when you sat down next to him you introduced yourself, as if the whole school didnt know who you are. you were on the dance team, and their most flexible dancer, which won you guys multiple awards. you split up the work evenly and got to work. you pulled out your airpods and saw eunseok was just working on his own, a crimson hue already gracing his cheeks. you offer to him your other airpod and from then on every day you would listen to music. together.

after that project, he became infatuated with you. your looks, your kindness, your humor, everything.

so he decided to confess to you, on valentines day. (or his friends would tell you for him)

he found out through some friends that you absolutely adore baked goods, so he baked you some macarons.

he planned to give you the macarons and a love letter along with it, during your lunch period. he walked over to your table and he tapped your shoulder.

“can we talk?”

you smile up at him “sure eunseok!”

you both walk out the cafeteria and eunseok leads you to a hallway. the hallway that happens to house the science class where you two were partnered up.

“so uh, i baked you some macaroons, but its ok if you dont eat them, i kept having to make new batches. macaroons are really hard to make but i pulled through for you- i mean because-“

“actually i’m allergic to macaroons eunseok”

his face drops as he struggles to stuff the tin container filled with macaroons in his bag. “oh god sorry, i didnt know, but they’re crappy anyways, you deserve much better, I MEAN-“

suddenly he hears you laugh.

“eunseok i was kidding silly, i love macaroons, what flavour are they?”

“uh its a mix of strawberry velvet- shit i mean red velvet and strawberry’s” he hands you the tin with the love note in it. “i hope you enjoy them, i had my little brother taste them and he kept fake gagging, why am i telling you this.”

you take the tin and shuffle your feet. “anything else you wanna tell me?”

“actually yes”

he takes a deep breath

“i’ve liked you for a long time now. you’re always so sweet to everyone and your humor is top tier, and you’re really pretty, and your voice is so soothing wait thats kinda weird. what i’m trying to say is i like you. a lot and i know its asking a lot for you to like me back but-“

he’s cut off by the tender kiss you leave him on his cheek. you wrap your arms around his neck.

“i’ve liked you for a long time silly, so, so much”

“i’m glad, i really like you too.”

authors note: literally i was cooking and then towards the end my brain gave out lmao, but hope you like it anon !!

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luvrodite · 11 months ago

Note

do you have any specific headcanons for jay?

i was going to answer this later when i got home but ! i’ve got free time now so. some of these might be in line with canon or not, i’m just rambling

heavily scarred. facial scars on his jaw, he’s got one running through his brow, various others all over his body following resurrection. those + his general resting face make him seem quite intimidating but i do think that most people in gotham are unfazed by it.

keke and i were talking about this and i don’t think this is an original thought but he helps little old ladies cross the street. he makes sure the working girls get home safe. if he sees a kid out by themselves in his vicinity he keeps an eye out to make sure they’re okay too. i can imagine him returning some neighbour’s kid home when they’re a little far from home and probably not where they’re supposed to be. he’s chill about it but he makes sure they’re ok.

i think sometimes it’s hard for him and bruce to look at each other. this is me projecting but to me i think it’s hard to look at bruce sometimes and not feel grief that threatens to swallow him whole. grief that sometimes feels like hatred but that hatred stems from the hurt of being let down. i don’t know if this makes sense. feeling like a little kid in a too grown body knowing your relationship with your parent is never going to be as it once was and knowing you can never go back because you’ve seen them now. i don’t know.

finds it hard to be touched sometimes. certain sensations, certain places make his head empty and not necessarily in a good way. very guarded, both touch starved and repulsed. it’s difficult.

stranger in his body sometimes, and yet i like to think that most people see through the scars to what matters. he gets on with older people, who’ve seen life in a way that most his age haven’t. aunties and uncles love him, to his surprise. it takes him a little while to get comfortable when your family meets him, he’s careful of overstepping, but they love him. if he doesn’t come with you, they send you on your way with extra food to bring him and messages for him that he was missed.

likewise, at community gatherings of family friends, the little kids love him. the rowdier kids don’t blink an eye at him, more interested in his potential as a new playmate than anything else. he’s introduced and they’re tugging on his sleeve after a few minutes, ‘look at this trick i can do!’ and ‘come play this game with us but you have to be on MY team’ and several choruses of ‘hey that’s not fair!!!’ until he’s taking turns on each team. the shy ones are curious, but they stick to your side and he tries to make conversation with them. he only ever gets shy turns of their head pressed into your arm but you both hear from their parents later that the little one hadn’t stopped talking about him when they got home.

he’s every auntie’s saving grace because they can hand off their kids to him and actually have a good time. boyfriend of the year award for real even though he’s a little awkward and clumsy around them. they love him.

finds it difficult to sleep, and wakes at the slightest sound/movement. situational awareness courtesy of bruce/the league/life pre-robin i think. you can hardly ever sneak up on him without him turning to catch you before you jump on him.

sleeps easier hearing someone’s breathing. i think there’s a period of time when he and roy share a tiny space and he just gets used to the sound of it. idk something about not being alone but also it’s just soothing ? i don’t know. sleeps with a point of contact with you always. a hand on you or his foot against yours etc.

anyway i miss him so much thank you for asking

#love letters 💌#jay my heart #loverboy 💌

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korasonata · 2 years ago

Text

I know everyone always jokes about the Life series members speedrunning their divorce archs with past alliances each season, but Bdubs and Cleo are really out here having the worlds longest slowburn divorce in history.

They start out together in 3rd Life as each others ride or die. No matter who else pokes their head into their team, it’s ultimately always just been the two of them - Bdubs even tells her as much. When Cleo is making alliances with other factions, he looks her right in the eye and tells her that even after all of their other alliances break apart, he will always be loyal to her. They both agree that even if everything falls apart, they will always be each others ride or die.

When Bdubs comes back after missing a session to discover that Cleo has made an alliance with the ONE group he could not stand, he swallows his pride and sucks it up. He isn’t happy about it, but he does it for Cleo.

It’s their partnership together that costs Cleo the one alliance she truly wanted. She wants an alliance with Flower Husbands, but Scott refuses to part ways with his alliance with Desert Duo, and Bdubs has a vendetta against Grian, and so Cleo walks away. Because of Bdubs.

It’s Cleo’s unwavering loyalty to Bdubs that ultimately ends up killing her in the end. When the Red Army attacks them, she wants to hide. She tells Bdubs to hide, but he wants to fight, and so she reluctantly follows after him. She apologizes to the other people she’s with, telling them that she’s sorry but she has to go after him because she promised she would always stick by him. He’s her ride or die, and so she follows after him. And she dies. A death which would have been easily avoided if she would have stayed hidden like she wanted to do from the start. Bdubs makes her a grave in their backyard - one of the few people who ever got a tombstone. He buries her under a spruce tree in their backyard with no less than four bouquets of flowers that he uses to decorate her grave.

Their breakup starts at the beginning of the next season. It was a mutual decision, so nobody is hostile towards each other, they’re all on good terms, they just seem to have drifted apart. Last Life is like the grace period following a mutual breakup where your feelings for each other haven’t necessarily changed at all, they still care about each other, but they’re separate now, so it’s different. The kind of feeling that’s sort of along the same lines of they’ve agreed it’s better that they are broken up, but they don’t really treat each other any differently. They still hang out, they’re still on good terms.

They do get jealous when the other person introduces them their their new partners.

Cleo goes to visit Bdubs during one of the first episodes and they are both absolutely delighted to see each other. One of the first things Bdubs says is that seeing her had felt like coming home, and Cleo agrees.

And then Etho walks in.

This is like the early stages of the Ethubs pairing, and so Bdubs isn’t as secure in their relationship, and Cleo is safe and familiar and comforting. In his own words “it’s like home”. Etho makes a joke that he had turned his back for 5 minutes and Bdubs had immediately run straight back to Cleo, and Bdubs laughs, kind of waves him off, but Cleo takes ONE look at Etho and just goes “Oh…” and her face drops because she realizes that he’s with someone else. And like, to the point, so was she, but it’s to the same point of it was a mutual breakup, but they still care about each other, and it still hurts a little seeing them with someone else. A sentiment that Bdubs echos later when he sees Cleo with Lizzie.

Bdubs walks into the Fairy Fort and starts yelling at Lizzie about the Enchanting table, making demands, and then Cleo steps in. He’s not yelling at her, but he is yelling at her teammate, and she just very calmly steps up to him before very quietly going “Bdubs, back down.” I don’t even think she had a weapon in her hand, her voice is soft and quiet, she sounds almost sad in a way, there is altogether nothing threatening about her and yet he stops immediately. He hears the tone of her voice, stops, glances between her and Lizzie, before taking a BIG step backwards and going “I see the dynamic here” as he realizes that she is ALSO with someone else. And he sounds almost betrayed, like she had gone behind his back or something, and this is like the big moment where they both realize that they still care but they’ve both moved on, they’re not each others ride or die anymore.

Cleo teams back up with Bdubs the second she goes Red for the first time. After BigBs betrayal, she angrily leaves the Fairy Fort, and thus everyone else in that alliance. She tries for Scott first, but she goes Red not even 5 minutes after joining him, and so she’s forced to leave him too. And who does she go running to? Bdubs. Because, in her own words “when you’ve been betrayed, you go with the people you trust.” And Bdubs takes her with open arms.

When Bdubs tells Cleo that Etho’s been trying to kick him out because he’s red, she marches all the way over to their house to give Etho a piece of her mind. Etho is the ONE person she didn’t want to cross during 3rd life, but the SECOND she hears Bdubs might be getting mistreated she is OFF, threatening the man in his own house for messing with her buddy.

When Scar gives Bdubs a life, Cleo is furious. Reds aren’t allowed to team with other colours, and so they are no longer allowed to work together and she’s FURIOUS. She literally crosses the entire server just so she can yell at Scar because “you took my friend away!”

The fact that Cleo was with Etho when Bdubs dies. Etho, who is in shock and heartbroken, and Cleo has to console him. The two of them teaming up after his death. Cleo, who had never trusted Etho. Called him a “Wildcard”. In 3rd life she expected Etho to turn on them at any moment. And yet, when faced with an alliance with him, she goes “I’m trusting you because Bdubs trusted you.” Essentially saying that she still didn’t particularly trust him, but she trusted Bdubs, and she was going to choose to continue to trust his judgement. Her saying she felt the need to protect him for some reason, feeling guilty when she doesn’t tell him about Pearl’s trap.

Double Life was almost like the acceptance period. Again, they are still on decent terms, but some of the niceties have gone. They are both still around, but they kind of leave each other be, not having a need to meddle in each others business.

Until Bdubs makes a crack about Scott.

Bdubs and Impulse are going around trying to drive a wedge between other couples, and he comes after Cleo and Scott. The first real argument they get into. Bdubs lies to Cleo, saying Scott was saying bad things about her, and she calls him out on it. She scolds him, telling him he should be ashamed for lying to her of all people after all they’ve been through. She tells him he should feel bad about it and he does. He apologizes, walking away with his tail between his legs and promising to never to it again.

He’s not necessarily hostile towards her after that, but he’s not particularly civil either. He shoots her multiple times once he goes Red, but he’s not really TRYING to kill her. He hits her once and she just LOOKS at him, goes “Bdubs, no.” And he just goes “Ok.” And walks away. He’s still attacking her, but his hearts not in it. He’s not really TRYING to kill her because deep down he knows he doesn’t really want to. It’s more just a formality of being Red, and Cleo doesn’t even fault him for it. She doesn’t ever retaliate either. She tells Impulse that this is just what he gets like when he goes Red, because she knows. She’s seen it before.

Limited Life almost feels like the true start of their divorce. They’re teamed again, but not in the same way. They still care about each other, but Cleo doesn’t fully trust him anymore, as is evident by the amount of times she’s concerned he’s going to leave them for Etho. During the last episode when Cleo asks him what their plan is, he jokingly says he’s going to leave them and team up with Ties, and the FIRST thing Cleo does is pull out a crossbow and aim it at him until he says he’s just kidding. And he has to reassure her that he is in fact kidding. And it’s not really her fault. She’s been betrayed before, and so she’s a bit skeptical of everyone now. But she doesn’t take his word at face value anymore.

She also has good reason to be paranoid. Bdubs has been consistently sneaking over to see Etho, and he has definitely not been subtle. He’s told them right to their face that he’s got an alliance with Etho, and so Cleo already KNOWS about it, and she also knows that their team in particular has issues with everyone else on team Ties, and so there is really no way Bdubs can ever realistically be part of both teams. He needs to choose between them, and Cleo is rightfully concerned Bdubs will pick Etho.

The fact that Bdubs really does pick Etho. During a conversation he has at their tower, he tells Etho he would betray Cleo and Scar in an instant if it came down to it. He says “I feel like it’s still you and me.” He picks Etho, and yet when Cleo falls off of Sky Net, he SCREAMS her name with such a desperation. He’s told Etho he would betray Cleo in an instant, and yet when he calls her name, it is the exact same tone of voice he used when Cleo was slain by the Red Army in 3rd Life. That same tone of panic, of desperation. She falls off of Sky Net and he panics. He’s scared. He tells Etho he would betray Cleo, and yet he doesn’t want her to die.

And like I don’t think he’s lying about Etho. Given the chance I still think he would team up with him, but this season was more about denial. He says he would betray her, but he could never. He says he doesn’t care, but he does.

The fact that after all this time, they both still care. One season after the next they grow a little bit further apart, but they never stop caring.

#trafficblr #trafficshipping #3rd life #last life #double life #limited life #team crastle #crastle duo #zombie cleo #zombiecleo #bdoubleo100 #bdubs #shipping #kind of #long post #life series

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briankang · 1 year ago

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ok since y'all are ok with it i can finally let this out like. i've always actually been pretty lenient with jae and tried to give him a lot of grace because he was going through a lot but after the concert the other night i've decided if i ever see him it's on fucking sight because. what do you mean wonpil on nye of 2021 (when jae announced his leave) said on bubble he didn't want to do things to ruin day6's reputation and didn't want to do things to make my days ashamed. what do you mean he took on 132 schedules in less than 3 months because he wanted to keep day6's name alive. what do you mean brian had things lined up from the minute he got out to do the same thing and was to the point where he was scheduling his day in by the minute and practicing his bass IN THE CAR.

because that means you're telling me they thought jae would be there to keep the name alive, to be there for them, and he just...fucking left them there to deal with it themselves? AND was creating issues to bring a bad name to them? that means you're telling me he left them to fend for themselves and the group and they all thought their careers were OVER and the show they did in before pandemic was like...it for them because of it? that they were struggling so badly and overburdened themselves that they couldn't even hide it from one another and bringing it up made them CRY on stage as sungjin THANKED THEM because he felt so much guilt for them having to ALL while having his own issues and was struggling????? that they all waited to sing zombie together and would refuse to sing it until then and jae's ass just...did it himself AND HE DIDN'T EVEN WRITE ON THE DAMN THING????????

and this is all while jae's fans will sit there and go after brian for daring to be on a fucking twitch stream to promote his album and mock him and say (derogatory) he's just the perfect golden boy because that was jae's thing/site and jyp didn't let him do THAT!!! huh. i wonder why!!!! like cry me a fucking river dude!!!!!!! if i see his little gamer ass out in the streets it's on SIGHT i cannot FATHOM doing that to people i supposedly care about. then again i suppose that's not new considering how sungjin used to get upset bc he'd be gaming loud as FUCK at god knows what hours while they were all trying to sleep and even bought him SOUNDPROOF PANELING and jae still made a shitty remark about it on a stream about being told to be quiet in his own house LIKE YOU HAD ROOMMATES YOU SHARED A WALL WITH THAT MAN!!!! ohhh my god. anyways. my grace giving period is over i hope he continues to flop forever

#tay talks #negativity tw #just in case.

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bambi-kinos · 2 years ago

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excerpts from the McLennon server (hamburg part 2)

Thank you everyone for your patience. This is Part Two of the ongoing Hamburg Conversation from the McLennon server. Part One is here: https://www.tumblr.com/bambi-kinos/718114537612656640/excerpts-from-the-mclennon-server

In Part Two of the Hamburg Conversation we discussed the 1960 trip from Paul’s POV and why he abandoned the Beatles to get a job as a coil winder. This goes into Stuart and Klaus and the Exis, plus how Paul reacted to John’s mind games where he pitted his loved ones against each other. Much has been made of John in Hamburg and how it connected to his later patterns but very little discussion of Paul comparatively.

This conversation was much messier as it spanned several days. We used Discord’s “reply” feature liberally. Sometimes you will see disparate time stamps; this is because I decided to pair the replies with the original comments they were replying to for the sake of readability. Please let me know if there are any confusing points where this doesn’t work and I’ll do my best to clarify the conversation.

***

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/07/2023 11:02 PM I am back on my bullshit about Hamburg again. this period is just super fascinating to me because of all the possibilities and the way things happened the way they did

I also want to understand why Paul chose John when the first Hamburg trip really sucked in a lot of ways and it could easily have ended with them going off to do something else.

in the beginning John helped Stuart bully Paul and he ostracized Paul from the group via the Exis (apparently deliberately? I go back and forth on this all the time, because I wouldn't put it past John to do it on purpose... but then again his MO was to get enamored with something new only to eventually drop it and snuggle up to Paul again so John probably didn't see it that way?) But once all of that was over and they were back in Liverpool, John tracked down Paul and he had to do a lot of shitwork to get back into Paul's good graces again.

Paul found a job at his dad's behest but I don't think he would have continued with the Beatles if John hadn't come to fetch him. John did something really smart when he came to fetch Paul from the yard where Paul was working: he brought George. First he had to tell George "yeah I'm back" but then he brought George with him to ask Paul to come back. Smart. Strength in numbers. Shows that he's serious and it doesn't look like he's begging because he brought another band member with him.

but Paul didn't leave that job immediately. It took months for Paul to fully come back to the Beatles. John eventually had to give him an ultimatum. I think after the experience of Stuart and the Exis and the group bullying, I think that those months were John working his way back into Paul's good graces again. And eventually Paul forced John to prove that he still wanted Paul, in a way. Earlier when we talked about this Betty made a really good point that Paul was the one fighting for the music, like John was. Stuart met Astrid and John let him go because he knew Stuart was already choosing Astrid over him so it was better not to fight it. But that period after John came back... that's fascinating. John recuperated for a while by not telling anyone he had come back. Paul got a job (and it sounds like he didn't need a lot of pushing) and I think it was because he might have been preparing to leave the Beatles thing behind completely.

Like I think Paul came back to Liverpool thinking that he and John were not friends anymore. IMO Paul carried the memory of the experience with the Exis around and that he remained distant from them forever.

Funnily enough, Paul has turned out the real black sheep of the whole trip. Everybody hates him and I only feel sorry for him.” — Stuart Sutcliffe in a letter to Rod Murray, late 1960

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/07/2023 11:09 PM I mean look at that. Look at the sheer petty contempt in that quote + the caricature. That's something else man. There's no way Paul doesn't carry the memory of that with him. And I think its present in the Revolver cover as well. Look at how Klaus portrays Paul:

I think Paul looks off to the side because that's all Klaus really gets out of him. We all know what it's like to be treated in a crappy way by friends-of-your-friends and I've said before that I think the first Hamburg trip is where a lot of John and Paul's patterns got solidified. So Paul isn't friends with the Exis, even in 1966, because he remembers who Klaus is and who he hung out with and I think those memories are very painful for him. He holds on to them. Maybe not grudges but he holds onto that pain. (And I mean, that's fair. I still remember my elementary school bully and if she were on fire in front of me I wouldn't even take a whizz on her.)

Klaus only ever saw Paul's profile... if they don't meet your eyes do you really know them? John rarely met Yoko's eyes in public I notice, whereas he was constantly diving into Paul's.... right up until that photo from the Lost Weekend where he's turned as far away from Paul as he can get... So Paul's profile being the thing Klaus drew speaks to the distance between Paul and Klaus... and Paul and the other Beatles. Even among other misfits, Paul doesn't fit in. In a lot of ways Linda was the only one who could accept him for his true self even if there was a lot of nastiness underneath that.

I think the 1966 cover is indicative that Paul held Klaus at a distance, even then. Klaus saw Paul's loneliness in Hamburg and how this made him bitter, apparently doesn't empathize with it very much since he played on HDYS.

If Klaus had tried to make friends with Paul as adults, he would have run full into the Wall. There's no way that Paul McCartney would be friends with someone who drew a caricature of him like that when Paul was friendless and in pain and the only thing he had was music and girls.

And I understand that Hamburg was full of psychosexual drama from 18 and 20 year olds, but I think that its significant because of how Paul got frozen in time due to the fame thing, struggling to grow up, suffering from a kind of Peter Pan syndrome.

So I find it interesting that... Paul got a job after Hamburg. I don't think John would have had to show up with George on Paul's lunch break and essentially beg him to come back if Paul had been gung ho about the Beatles. John had to earn his way back into a friendship with Paul. It took months for Paul to give up the job and join the Beatles fully, John remembers it as a "long trip."

There's another recollection that when John finally gave Paul the ultimatum that Paul bounced into the Cavern -- what if this is Paul being happy that John chose him, that John cared enough to give Paul an ultimatum?

John remembers it as a custody battle between him and Jim where he fought Jim for Paul's attention... but what if Paul saw it as something else entirely?

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/07/2023 11:20 PM Like, Paul got a job after Hamburg. He didn't know that John was back in town. I don't think we know when John told him that he was back. I think Paul got a job because he thought that he and John were not friends anymore after his experiences in Hamburg and the last thing he expected was for John to show up and nag him about coming back. I think Paul was convinced that John would go all in with Stuart and the Exis or that they were a sign that John was done with Paul completely. He didn't understand that John was watching Paul the entire time they were in Hamburg, watching Paul be in the filth with him, taking the pills and dealing with the gangsters and living for the music in a way that Stuart never could.

And from Paul's POV, the long stretch of months between John finding him at the spooling yards to beg Paul to come back, and Paul being given an ultimatum that he needed to choose between his job or the Beatles -- I think that period was Paul waiting to see if John really loved him/was really wanting to be Paul's friend or not.

BRrraCKets! — 05/08/2023 4:56 AM Paul doesnt suffer fools gladly, he called out the Exis on some of their bullshit and they didnt like it. They also took to Stuart and I would imagine it was a case of if your friend doesnt like someone then they dont either. Ive always felt that Klaus didnt like Paul, most of his drawings of him arent very nice, theres an odd one thats ok. That Revolver cover has always irked me with how hes drawn Paul compared to the others. I like your take on it.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 5:01 AM Do you remember the details on Paul's interactions with the Exis? I don't remember that from Tune In.

That's a really good point about Stu not liking him so the others took the lead from him, oof.

I think Klaus may have (hopefully) chilled out on Paul since then but yeah, I don't think they're really friendly towards each other. Maybe "dislike" is too strong but they only ever had John and Stu in common and, well. Paul never let Klaus in.

BRrraCKets! — 05/08/2023 5:04 AM Ive read of it somewhere but cant remember where! It was just a sentence or two.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 5:04 AM Probably a Paul bio of which I am reading McCartney Legacy

we'll have to wait for Betty to wake up

BRrraCKets! — 05/08/2023 5:45 AM I wonder, when Stuart left the Beatles, did Klaus hope to take his place on the bass. Paul stepping in would have been another reason to dislike him.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 5:47 AM That's an interesting idea. No clue but maybe that's an angle....

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 6:16 PM He did. I believe he says it in his memoirs, but also in an interview about the book in 2001. He said he asked John, but it was too late; Paul had already taken up the bass

Even if that had happened, I don’t think Klaus would’ve fit in, them all being from Liverpool and Klaus being German (I’m half-German, I can say that lol)

Plus he came from a very rich (diamond mines etc) background..sure, his family lost everything in the war, but some of the posh attitude was still there. And despite being fascinated by it, he didn’t consider rock n roll “real” music

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 7:19 PM did not know this about Klaus, huh

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 7:24 PM He talked about his grandfather being this fabulously rich eccentric

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 7:25 PM huh! i need to check his stuff out then

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 7:31 PM It’s in this German interview

https://www.sueddeutsche.de/kultur/im-interview-klaus-voormann-ich-waere-besser-gewesen-als-paul-1.432929

With the provocative headline “I would’ve been better than Paul”

Apple_Scruff — 05/08/2023 5:48 AM Paul playing based has always sounded like a forced thing out of desperation.

I doubt he would have agreed to switch to bass if Klaus was offering.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 5:51 AM Agree but....he may not have liked it if Klaus offered since he was so pushy about Stuart's playing.

BRrraCKets! — 05/08/2023 6:14 AM He didnt want anyone else muscling in. The group nucleus was set. His guitar was shot, he was filling in on piano, a bit of bass when S couldnt be arsed to show up, what else was he to do when G&J downright refused to take it on. Theyd gone home by then too.

mynamesbetty — 05/08/2023 7:50 AM unfortunately I can't think of anything like that in what I've read, I'll take a look at Tune In and the other Paul bios I have later We know that Paul is willing to ice people out when he feels they aren't working out for him as friends/collaborators, and after months of doing the most for the group and getting shat on by his songwriting partner and the Exis he was probably thinking "fuck it, I don't need this treatment" and got a job to start separating himself from the group

But John knows by now that Paul is his golden ticket and he has to get Paul back, so once he gets over the self-pity of leaving Hamburg in disgrace and works up the courage to ask Paul to come back, he brings George along to present a united front

The Beatles first show after coming back from Hamburg was on December 27 1960 at Litherland Town Hall, a few weeks after John arrived back in Liverpool

And I'd bet anything that Paul skipping back to rehearsal all smiles was because he felt like he'd gotten one over on Stuart and the Exis, in a "nyah-nyah he chose me over you (blows raspberries and making wanking motion)" kind of way

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 8:46 AM yesss perf

And it all worked out for him when John didn't discipline Paul for punching Stuart even tho he most likely lost

He had a good feeling about John making his choice too....

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 10:24 AM According to that interview from 2001, Klaus asked John to join and play bass right after Stu left, but John said Paul had already taken up the bass

Of course, in 2001, Klaus was still speculating what would have happened if he became the 5th Beatle and saying he thinks his bass playing would’ve been better for John’s style in later years

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 10:33 AM That whole interview [Klaus] showed both admiration and, imo, some disdain for Paul (and Paul wrote the foreword for his book, I believe) In that Interview he also vehemently denies anything sexual between John and Stu

It’s a fascinating period. I believe I read John was back in Liverpool anywhere from 10 days to three weeks before contacting George and Paul Which means he couldn’t have been to any of their usual hangouts

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 10:36 AM lol lmao

>better for John's later style >john and stu had nothing sexual going on incredible. so many things wrong

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 12:01 PM John periodically took time off to recharge, it was one of his quirks/needs.

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 10:45 AM I thinks it’s still a bit of envy…everyone who got close to the Beatles and thinks “what if”

To be fair, he did admit that Paul was instrumental in making the Beatles famous, because “John wasn’t a frontman” and Paul was the only professional of the group

But you can read between the lines that there is disdain there for the Beatles’ early sound and Paul was a “charlatan”….the PR man

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 10:58 AM It’s interesting that John said the way he felt after he came back after Hamburg was similar to how he felt before Paris 1961…but time he wanted Paul to be there

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 12:09 PM and Paris 1961 ended up being a two week period of great renewal and joy for John, all because of Paul. No wonder he tried to recreate it with Yoko.

louiselux — 05/08/2023 11:41 AM It’s such a fascinating period! In the breakup Paul must’ve recognised some of John’s behaviour from back then. Dropping Paul and replacing him with someone else who is more arty and special. John may have been being tactical about it back then, maybe playing Paul and Stu against each other, waiting to see where the nexus of power/talent/ambition lay, and therefore his future. Paul wouldn’t have appreciated that at all, like who would? Also John must’ve known the power he had over Paul, and vice versa, in any number of ways inc sexuality, attraction, love, obsession. That cartoon by Klaus is so deeply unkind, coupled with Stu’s letter. You have to wonder what Paul was like with them, and what all of their behaviour was like on the daily.

louiselux — 05/08/2023 11:51 AM But it is so interesting that Paul got a crappy job on the lorries, John ignored them all for weeks, and Stu was never coming back to the band. Because the gig they subsequently did that Christmas at Litherland Town Hall was where they realised how good they were compared to the Liverpool bands, and how vastly exciting the public found them. So back from Hamburg they obviously collectively didn’t know where they were going or what they were doing, or even if they were a band. I wonder just how much persuasion had to go on on John’s part to get back in with Paul. A lot of charming, a lot of fuss and attention, persuading, light grovelling

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 12:18 PM in Tune In there's a lot of quotes from George about how they felt they had a lot of talent compared to the other bands, even when they were JaPaGe and they didn't actually warrant the confidence. I think for them they were seeking energy, technical ability, and stamina which Hamburg earned them in spades and brought their talent up to their expectations at last.

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 11:57 AM Definitely shades of Yoko/John later on…Paul probably hoped/thought that would play out the same way as Stu.

But we also get so many contradictory stories out of Hamburg, like John claiming he and Paul bullied Stu and afterwards felt bad about it John turned away from music after Julia’s death and turned to drink and rage, it also kinda to Stu and art..only Paul’s persistence in pursuing John (for the band, for himself) turned that a bit back around.

I always wonder if at that point, John wasn’t getting from Paul what he really wanted, also there was still the age gap.. Stu was older, maybe came across as more mature and adventurous

Even George, I believe, said with Yoko, John was trying to replicate what he had with Stu.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 12:20 PM Yeah. its a conundrum about what that means. Did John actually feel bad after bullying Stu or did he only feel bad because then Stu died and he did some self reflecting?

Paul was very instrumental in helping John cope with losing Julia, to be fair. Paul is cited by many outsiders to be the only one who never lost his patience with John even when he was being a public embarrassment or acting violent and cruel. my personal take is that Paul is the one who cleaned John up and made him fit company for Stu and Cynthia and otherwise they would have both run away from John..

louiselux — 05/08/2023 12:01 PM That is completely fascinating to think of Yoko as a Stu replacement.

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 12:03 PM Yoko’s comments how John talked about Stu every day and how he was the best friend he ever had…I always thought she did that hurt Paul. And also, Stu died so young, I can believe John put him up on some untouchable pedestal that wouldn’t have survived if Stu had lived

louiselux — 05/08/2023 12:04 PM Agreed. You have to wonder what Lennon/McCartney would have been like with a Sutcliffe in the mix. Maybe not that different, possibly. Because Paul grew in confidence and became endlessly bold and weird

louiselux — 05/08/2023 12:08 PM Yoko likely said a lot of things with the intention of hurting him

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 12:08 PM A lot of people who were John-oriented have this complaint, that they think Paul was somehow "fake" just because he's good at selling and connects with an audience. IMO it always says a lot more about the complainer's personal issues with Paul rather than it being a legitimate criticism. Klaus doesn't like Paul because Paul cut the Exis down to size and Stuart apparently overtly hated him, then Stuart died and Paul took over the bass position which Klaus apparently asked for himself (‼️) and then Paul had the nerve to go swanning all over the world getting famous for being John's creative partner.... and no matter what Klaus says, he has eyes, he knows how John looked at Paul and what that meant.

It's just another case of someone being bitter because of Paul's success. John used Klaus as a bassman on HDYS the recording that Ringo walked out on but George did not.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 12:16 PM It being John looking for a potential future, that's an interesting idea. I think at that point John had kind of given up on that since he had been kicked out of art school by that point or was on his way to doing it. Music became his life because it kept his attention and he loved it -- he told a girl he was dating at the Cavern not to screw up her placement at art school the way he did. I don't know if he had high expectations for himself there -- what did John think of his heart? was he actually proud of it?

Paul said that he'd sometimes gang up on Stu with John as well as vice versa so I think it was definitely a case of John pitting them against each other to make them compete for the Best Friend spot. But then when Paul was deported he got a job instead of crawling back to John.... very reminiscent of the break up. Paul would fight for John but once he perceived he lost (Stu, Yoko) then he was perfectly capable of cutting John off. Paul is sensitive to being mistreated.

this is all speculation but I think that first trip was hard for Paul. He was lonely, he wanted John's attention, probably acted out and then got mocked and jeered at for it.

So he paid women to pay attention to him and then he was attractive and treated them decently which made him popular so while John is enjoying Stu's company and hanging out with the Exis, Paul simply hides in women and practices his guitar.

We have seen this before.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 12:21 PM John wanted an equal and Paul just wasn't it, even if they had chemistry. John didn't take Paul seriously until Hamburg in 1960 when he watched Paul become a man and watched him be furiously independent no matter what slings and arrows he took.

But Stu was patient and was able to meet John on a different field with Art, and John needed that very much. Paul was too young for what he wanted in a very real way.

with a Stuart that lived, I think Paul would have been pushed to make a public declaration to John instead of waffling forever. Stu was Paul's only serious competition.

louiselux — 05/08/2023 1:31 PM I think so too! Something would have had to give, because John could have gone running off to Stu at any moment

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 1:33 PM I do wonder about that scenario. It looked like John had accepted that Stu was off with Astrid. And the Paris honeymoon happened while Stu was still alive. It seems like J and P had cemented and defined their relationship

Now if Stu and Astrid didn’t last and Stu came back to Liverpool at some point…

He may have always been hanging around in the background…or maybe not.

mynamesbetty — 05/08/2023 2:04 PM John praising Paul's abilities as a bass player in 1980 must have rankled him lol, he said Paul was one of the most innovative bass players in rock

mynamesbetty — 05/08/2023 2:27 PM addendum: The Beatles with Chas Newby on bass played the Casbah on December 17 1960, we regret the error

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 2:36 PM Good! I hope it rankled

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 3:35 PM Stu had no future in Liverpool and he knew it. His application for a position at the Liverpool art college was rejected and he had a great apprenticeship going with an older German artist who recognized his talent. Stuart had no reason to back to Liverpool except to visit. I also think that Stu found his person in Astrid and their relationship would have worked.

I think the greatest threat to Paul would not be Stu's presence but what he represented in John's life: a peer who had a profound hold on John in an avenue that Paul wasn't confident about competing in. I think Paul would be very worried about John going back to Stu for sure, because he can't help being insecure about their relationship.

I think, to this day even since John is fucking dead, Paul is still worried that he will make John disgusted or bored and that John will leave him again. Irrational? Yeah. True? You bet.

I think a timeline where Stuart lives would force Paul into a corner: either he breaks the relationship or he takes a leap of faith.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 4:01 PM if anything else, this fundamental fear of Paul's would be the driver to any action Paul took regarding John in a timeline where Stuart lives. The deathly fear that Stu will take John away from him, again... Stu didn't have to be present in Liverpool, his specter would hang over everything.

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 4:25 PM I can completely see that. And totally agree on Paul’s fears until this day.

I just wonder if Stu would’ve kept this idealised spot… or if he would’ve pissed John off some point like a lot of people did, which led John to cutting him off.

Or, I guess, John could’ve remained loyal to him like he did to many old friends (at least until New York) and maybe got him to do cover or promo art for The Beatles. Can you imagine?!

Stu was so very young; it’s difficult to say what could’ve happened

Misery — 05/08/2023 4:30 PM God and the thing with Paul in Hamburg too is like

Here’s this high strung cash strapped teenager. Now we’re going to take him to a foreign country, get him addicted to amphetamines, and completely abandon him for a “cooler” friend group. Wait, why is he being so annoying?????

Like, the exis loved George, and Pete was just doing his own thing because he was so independent from the rest of the group, meanwhile Paul is all of a sudden entirely friendless for seemingly no reason, and the things that he was doing back in Liverpool are suddenly seen as annoying and stupid, and he’s being ignored left and right.

And obviously the huge caveat for the drama in Hamburg is of course that they were all idiot teens/barely adults, who had suddenly been thrust into a new stressful circumstance, so no wonder they all went insane a little bit.

Like you’ve all said it’s something that time/stu living would change a lot, but that wasn’t meant to be

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 6:24 PM I really feel for Paul during that trip. I think we can kinda guess what he was feeling, but I can’t get a real read on John at the time.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 7:24 PM Yeah, John is a real enigma here. He was very close mouthed about this period aside from some little things. Presumably because it's too painful with Stuart's death. Or maybe he just didn't care because the whole thing didn't have the same weight for him as it did for Paul... or he was too ashamed to talk about it....

But John not caring seems very unlikely since Hamburg 1960 is where he came out even more insane about Paul.

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 7:33 PM It might’ve been the drugs, his sexual explorations, mental health issues..but it is interesting he didn’t really talk about that period… Maybe too painful because it was the real start of them as The Beatles and he really missed it

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 7:38 PM ouch

this is a big part of it i bet

mynamesbetty — 05/08/2023 8:04 PM Tune In, written by the king of the Paul haters, pg 374-5

Many Years From Now, pg 64-5

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 8:06 PM the amount of seething contempt for a lonely 18 year old in these paragraphs, astounding

Morrigan — 05/08/2023 10:26 PM And I don’t think we can 100% trust Stu’s view of things either. That’s maybe how he wanted things to be. I’m not saying Paul didn’t have a rough time, but Stu may have embellished somewhat in that letter (because he also knew how important Paul was to John ultimately)

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/08/2023 10:54 PM Yeah. It occurs to me (like now, as I'm writing this) that Stuart was probably venting in that letter. I don't think he liked Paul at all but that's a lot of hatefulness in one sentence and I really dislike the idea of John deliberately tolerating someone who overtly despised Paul that much. John was an asshole at times but I struggle to imagine him encouraging that level of antipathy. So hopefully it wasn't quite that bad for Paul.

louiselux — 05/09/2023 3:12 AM Also him thinking that a letter from anyone reveals ‘the stark truth of the matter’ rather than just another pov on a situation. Mehhhh. I didn’t know that about Klaus asking to be the bass player. He seems to be a person who was used to getting what he wanted, being rich and pretty, and is it possible that he resented Paul for taking a place in the Beatles/John’s friendship that he thought should have been his?

louiselux — 05/09/2023 3:26 AM The situation is weird and so opaque. I doubt John ‘hated’ Paul, as Stu put it, because why would he suddenly hate him after being so close? But John might’ve loved being accepted as a part of the new exciting clique and that might’ve trumped everything else for a bit. John was obsessed with having his gang. It feels like a lot of heightened teenage dynamics we’re going on.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 9:23 AM thinking that the letter holds some objective truth is a classic mistake that Lewisohn makes all the time, because its easier than accepting that there were multiple POVs on what happened. Lewisohn thinks he can flatten everything and that there's an objective "truth" to discover and present (courtesy of him naturally.) It's just dumb no matter what. One of the first things I was taught about historical study was that primary sources are king because multiple POVs proliferate. It was Paul who compared Beatlemania to an earthquake and how different stories sprout from it and they're all true.

I wonder how much Klaus was shitposting or trying to grab attention via headlines with claims like that. I would be very surprised if John gave serious consideration to Klaus joining the band, Paul was already a sure thing and he clearly wasn't going to be happy with anyone else playing bass. I hope Klaus didn't actually think he had a shot, it just makes no sense for Klaus to join the Beatles from any angle.

If he really believed that he had a shot at joining the Beatles and Paul somehow stood in his way.... then uhhhh what the heck lmao

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 9:34 AM This seems very likely, good insight. Makes me wonder if John staying friends with Paul might have rankled Stu as their rivalry increased? "Don't worry Rod everyone else totally hates him here but I only feel sorry for him."

John liked new experiences and getting swept away with things so its not surprising that he got enamored with the Exis. They were arty, new, and offered a fresh POV for him to see the world. Anyone would be intrigued by such a friends group. The fact that they were happy to be dominated by John and enjoyed Stuart (especially since Stu and Astrid hit it off!) probably makes it inevitable that someone would end up on the outside and that someone was Paul.

1960 John especially would be feeling his adolescent insecurities very hard so he'd naturally want the Exis as under his thumb as he could get them. I wonder if Stuart also enjoyed being controlled that way? I don't actually know how independent he was of John compared to Paul. (Tho no one ever matched Paul in sheer tenaciousness when it came to escaping John's gravity well.)

The pills, alcohol, and sleeplessness would naturally exacerbate all this.

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 10:49 AM Maybe I’m being too judgmental when it comes to Klaus; it’s hard to judge his tone in written form. Maybe he sounded self-deprecating when answering, but I was surprised that 40 years on (at the time), instead of just saying “it’s tantalising to imagine me being part of the Beatles, but nah they were perfect they way they were and I’ve my own life”…he actually still brings up how his bass playing could’ve maybe been better for the band at some point.

To be fair, he also says Beatlemania wouldn’t have happened without Paul (his looks, his professionalism) , and that Klaus himself maybe wouldn’t have had the necessary charisma

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 10:53 AM Totally agree with this. It was a wild few months; them also being away from home for the first time as well (and in a very strange environment). So many outsiders have described the bond they had before Hamburg, how Paul seemed to make John come alive etc; they already had a solid foundation. I don’t think anyone could’ve muscled in there permanently

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 12:29 PM We don't know much about him so its hard not to give him side eye sometimes lol. Ultimately Klaus seems grateful for what the Beatles did for him and how he got to have a place in history thanks to them. I wouldn't necessarily label him negatively since he seems content with his lot and has gotten to make a lot of great art over the years. He likes his niche.

Otoh its still really weird that he's apparently still maintaining a delusion about being a potential Beatle. IMO it once again says more about his relationship with Paul than anything else. Paul is the bedrock of the band and without him, there are no Beatles. Lots of people resent him for this, even other Beatles. I would bet Klaus, like many, is pulled in by John's charisma, values George as a friend, and resents/resented the fact that he couldn't get closer to them because Paul filled that space. "If I was in his place then I could be with George and John all the time and we'd be even better friends. What's so special about Paul's bass playing anyway? I'm just as good." That's the kind of resentment that sticks with you when you have famous friends i guess.

But it also misses the point and the importance of Paul: Paul's bass playing was creative and innovative. He brought new sounds into the band. He also had the energy to get them over their creative humps to deliver material for new records and consistently hit their deadlines. Paul wasn't just "the bassplayer." He was John's everything, the one who delivered results, and the one who made the records work for the Beatles. If Klaus was really as good as he thinks he is then John would have made him a fixture during the solo years. But John didn't do that because Klaus is no match for Paul's ability to consistently deliver results.

I suspect Klaus knows this or he wouldn't admit to Paul's success like that. But its probably very hard to be close to the Beatles because you would naturally want a piece of it.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 12:32 PM

So many outsiders have described the bond they had before Hamburg, how Paul seemed to make John come alive etc; they already had a solid foundation. I don’t think anyone could’ve muscled in there permanently

An extremely vital point and probably the ultimate root of the resentment surrounding Paul during that time (or any other time). No matter what they did or where they took him, John still wanted to return to Paul.

There is something special and unique about Paul that had John loving him deeply and to the exclusion of others. Even back then.

mynamesbetty — 05/09/2023 2:00 PM I'd just like to add that re: drugs, Paul was wary of the Prellies and usually stuck to one a night, where John was eating them like candy Paul had already shown reticence towards drugs when he refused to partake of chewing the benzedrine cartridges inside nasal sprays back in Liverpool, so that's another aspect of the "Paul's not as cool and worldly as the rest of us" ganging up on him

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 3:04 PM And then that of course carried over to Paul not wanting to try acid at first

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 3:04 PM Yeah... so Paul was often on the outside that way too

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 3:07 PM I wonder if John saw that as Paul keeping a part of himself back; of not totally committing so they could share everything together

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 3:13 PM That's a big part of it. Tune In says John habitually used Prellies to try to get people to talk to him, he used it as a tool to get people to open up. So Paul dragging his heels and only doing it when he felt like it would be infuriating (and enchanting) to John because Paul was refusing to submit to John's direction and control. Paul could skate on the edges of John's gravity well and refused to get closer until he decided to.

It also may be that John was anxious about doing these things without Paul. He wanted Paul to mirror him very early and Paul's refusal to do so fascinated him especially for those moments where Paul did eventually cave and the mirroring turned out fantastic -- it made the victories sweeter. Pete Shotton said John needed a partner in everything he did, even when he was a little kid, so it was a genuine need in him to want someone like Paul.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 3:21 PM Makes me wonder how palpable John's attraction to Paul must have been -- even if he didn't fully realize it in Hamburg yet. I fully believe that there is some watershed moment we don't know about for John realizing how deep his attraction to Paul ran.

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 3:33 PM He said he chose Paul as his partner (in music), but we know it was so much more than that. At some point he realised, ‘this is the one’. If only he’d gotten to write his memoirs…. 😢

BRrraCKets! — 05/09/2023 4:00 PM I wonder if his attraction scared him a little and that’s why he backed right off in that first Hamburg trip.

He had plenty to distract him.

When Paul was deported, John was left behind. He could easily have stayed and pursued something there and kept near Stuart, but he didnt. He went back to Liverpool. Brooded on it for a while, then pursued Paul to get back with him.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 4:06 PM I never thought of the possibility of him staying behind with Stu but you're right! oh wow

BRrraCKets! — 05/09/2023 4:06 PM I think that’s when he decided Paul was it for him.

He could have looked at picking up his art again, like Stu did, or music in another band. His heart must have decided on music, but music meant Paul.

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 4:12 PM oh my god!!!! :sobface:

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 4:13 PM And also the trauma of Paul being deported... Klaus has a drawing of Paul and Pete being shoved into a cop car, I wonder if John was there if it happened like that with Paul and Pete being taken off the street

Like for John that's another loss but instead of Paul abandoning him that's someone taking Paul away from him

And so he goes home later that week.... and he stays shut up in his room for days... and when he emerges he gets George and goes straight to Paul.....

BRrraCKets! — 05/09/2023 4:15 PM He can’t do it without Paul.

Hahaha in a roundabout way, Paul made John choose between him and Stu, and Paul won!

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 4:17 PM After all that mess, John really did have a shot to choose Stuart and do art forever, hang out in Hamburg and never go back. Stuart evaded deportation by living in Astrid's house, John could do the same. But John played a few nights alone and then took all the gear back by himself

and then he chose Paul while he was convalescing in his bedroom....

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 5:10 PM I do think that was definitely part of it… but I don’t think it would’ve been that easy for him to stay had he wanted to… Stu was different because he’d already started establishing himself there outside of the band (and he had Astrid and her family, who couldn’t be expected to take on John as well).

John had no money. I believe he continued playing with other bands only to fulfil contractual obligations (?). And he said he was depressed after Hamburg, thinking this was maybe as far as music could take them… to seedy bars in a red light district. Coming back to Liverpool, I wonder what his thought process and state of relationship with Paul was like.

Now in 1961, when he again faces a crisis regarding continuing with music, he obviously chooses Paul…even without the music. Even though they were making decent-ish money in Liverpool by then, John was fed up and wanted to run away (at least for a bit).

I know people say he didn’t take Cyn to Paris because she was busy with school and unmarried couples didn’t really travel together, but I think it was more than that. He’d decided it was going to be him and Paul… in any potential endeavour, even if it wasn’t a band. That carries on through to their later ideas of writing a play, a musical together; and just always writing together

That said, I don’t think he actually wanted to stay in Hamburg

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 5:59 PM Yeah, John stayed in Hamburg for the contractual stuff. Considering its a port town it would have been easy for him to stay IMO but who knows. I think it does indicate that staying with Stuart didn't cross his mind; if it had and if John had really wanted it, he could have found a way. The fact that he didn't and instinctively went home (to the place where Paul had been forced to go) indicates just how strong Paul's hold on him was, despite John not knowing what he was going to do next.

The depression is just John's pattern I think. He had tall highs and deep lows. John coming back from Hamburg reminds me of reading descriptions of his return home from their tours and how inaccessible he was to Cynthia and Julian because of his profound depression. Hamburg was absolutely similar -- women, booze, pep pills to keep them awake and then it ended traumatically leaving John in a very bleak place. The physical low from coming off all those prellies would be crazy and John was addicted. He may have been going through detox which would destabilize his mental scape. The same thing happened with the tours and the amount of drugs they were doing, particularly the coke, which meant that John crashed after each tour because he stopped inhaling all those drugs.

We can only speculate about his thought process post-Hamburg but John repeated patterns, that was his entire thing. I think looking at the Dakota years could tell us a lot, albeit with the caveat that John hadn't done any "splitting" regarding Paul yet. He probably felt bleak, wondering if there was a point in continuing. He knew there was more pain ahead of him if he continued with the Beatles. John knew they were good and probably realized they were better than their peers but maybe he realized that he might have bungled things with Paul. He's watching the wheels.... Then he ran into George on the street iirc and that's when things solidified for him: he needed music and that meant he needed Paul.

So he takes George with him because he needs the support and doesn't want to appear vulnerable in front of someone he probably knows he wasn't kind to. And Paul holds him at arms length for a while but John is persistent and finally tells Paul that he's not going to settle for being half time anymore, Paul needs to commit to him.

When it comes to Paris and such: Paul, for John, represents renewal and possibility. He renewed after Hamburg in 1960 and sought out Paul for it. He renewed in 1961 and they went on their honeymoon in Paris. In 1980, John was preparing to record with Paul and was actively leaving Yoko.

John's mental aesthetic regarding Paul always contained admiration (and sometimes resentment) for Paul's endless energy and his ability to createcreatecreate. That's an energy that John relied on. He used it emotionally as well as musically.

mynamesbetty — 05/09/2023 7:57 PM and on the flip side we have John unfairly blaming Paul for John's inability to write by accusing Paul of bouncing along and writing like a fiend without thinking about how John was feeling, in the "I was going through murder" period

...and then, much later, John hears "Coming Up" on the radio and something long dormant sparks up inside him

VeggieRavioli — 05/09/2023 9:33 PM I'm soo late to this conversation but I love it! I wanna add my favourite Hamburg era tidbit that's hidden away in a footnote in Tune In, because I think it's really interesting to compare the aftermath of the 1960 first Hamburg trip with the 1961 Hamburg trip. TL;DR Paris was not the only time John and Paul ran away holidayed together in 1961

we all know John and Paul went to visit Betty and Mike in Caversham in April 1960, but Paul has stated multiple times that they took two trips to visit his cousin, the second one travelling down to Ryde on the Isle of Wight. But when did they take this trip? It's referenced in MYFN but no timeframe is given.

Mark Lewisohn proposes that the only obvious window is July 1961, directly after they arrived home from Hamburg - they had nine days off before they were back onstage in Liverpool on July 13. You'd think they would have spent this time kicking back at home after three months away, catching up w/ family and friends.......... but if that were the case, Lewisohn says, why didn't they attend Ringo's massive 21st birthday bash on July 8th?? All the biggest bands in Liverpool were invited, but the Beatles were conspicuously absent.

so if Lewisohn's hunch is correct and they swanned off to Ryde right after they just dragged their exhausted asses back from Hamburg, the implications of that are 👀 !!! bc that means Paul's behaviour towards John was sooo markedly different compared to the previous trip. Paul resigned himself to a shitty factory job in 1960, John had to win Paul back and prove himself to him, the band's future was in limbo..... but HERE, to me it's like 1961 Paul is staking his claim. By immediately taking John on a quick holiday to Ryde, he's actively preventing another post-Hamburg comedown and securing them some 1-on-1 time to re-cement their partnership

especially considering that Paul's tension with Stuart was arguably at an all-time high in 1961 -- they had their fight near the end of that trip, Dot and Cynthia came to visit but John & Cyn actually spent more time with Astrid & Stuart than with Paul..... I can just so see Paul being like :paulbuthehasagun: oh you like the beach John? you went to the beach with stuart? Come to this picturesque coastal town with me right the fuck now you're gonna love it

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 9:46 PM Veggie I love this connection. you're brilliant

mynamesbetty — 05/09/2023 9:47 PM get your man Paul!!

interesting that Paul made the first move here

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 9:48 PM

feral for this

YES.... after all that fuss in Hamburg they came back and Paul pushed John up against a wall and said "you're coming with me now" and john just went "o-okay"

Paul resigned himself to a shitty factory job in 1960, John had to win Paul back and prove himself to him, the band's future was in limbo..... but HERE, to me it's like 1961 Paul is staking his claim. By immediately taking John on a quick holiday to Ryde, he's actively preventing another post-Hamburg comedown and securing them some 1-on-1 time to re-cement their partnership

yes!!! he learned from 1960, he didn't give John a chance to get down in the dumps! he said "let's go on an adventure John!" and he just took him reminding John that this isn't like last time. in short Paul broke the pattern

I can just so see Paul being like :paulbuthehasagun: oh you like the beach John? you went to the beach with stuart? Come to this picturesque coastal town with me right the fuck now you're gonna love it

the jealousy angle at work here. oh my god

mynamesbetty — 05/09/2023 9:51 PM as long as they keep moving John can't sink into a funk which may have further implications re: Paul's work ethic

VeggieRavioli — 05/09/2023 9:51 PM aieeee I'm obsessed w/ it

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 9:51 PM Veggie you're a genius

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 9:52 PM john's in a depression? let's do something and distract him from it... 1960? on the rocks, worry and frustration. 1961? "dis mine dis MINE"

VeggieRavioli — 05/09/2023 9:54 PM while they seemed to make a lot of progress in Hamburg RE: trading up to better and better clubs, it really stood out to me in Tune In that after their 2nd trip they just returned to the same old in Liverpool, again - same circuit of halls and clubs, no one on their level, no upward momentum until Brian in November. So I love how John and Paul dealt with this by repeatedly skipping out on commitments when they got bored and goin on trips together

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 9:54 PM yeah! they decided it wasn't worth their time so they bolted

and they were right too lmao

they wanted to be together instead of playing the same circuit over and over...

VeggieRavioli — 05/09/2023 9:56 PM and then Stuart's writing letters like "they quit the band and went to Paris to play together? I don't believe it..."

Paul's like "you'd bETTER BELIEVE IT BUDDY"

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 9:58 PM Wasn’t it said that Ticket to Ride was inspired by Ryde?

VeggieRavioli — 05/09/2023 9:59 PM yes fs, I think Paul restates this in The Lyrics again too? don't have it in front of me, but yes

VeggieRavioli — 05/09/2023 9:58 PM Oh I thought we’d shared that quote here already but no it’s legit

Leggy「little love of mine」 — 05/09/2023 10:00 PM this is the possessive Paul we need

mynamesbetty — 05/09/2023 10:10 PM Paul stomps in like "he's my soulmate, get your own!" and whisks John off on a road trip

Apple_Scruff — 05/09/2023 10:11 PM Stuart literally having his own soulmate Astrid the whole time: confused

Morrigan — 05/09/2023 10:44 PM People have to had seen the special connection between them…John wasn’t going on trips to Ryde or Paris or Caversham with just George

louiselux — 05/10/2023 3:25 AM So fascinating and such great detective work! I wonder too if Paul thought he might be detoxing John, or whether they both had that in mind? Sun, sea, fresh air, no amphetamines etc, just wholesome British beer lol.

louiselux — 05/10/2023 7:06 AM There's just something so innocent about Paul taking him on a seaside holiday, compared to what they had just been doing in Hamburg, it's so sweetly unsophisticated.

I've been to Ryde. The whole of the Isle of Wight, where Ryde is the main town, is just off mainland UK and it feels stuck about 30 years in the past, so Ryde in the early 60s might've felt very old fashioned indeed.

#mclennon #hamburg #hamburg days #the beatles #stuart sutcliffe #beatles meta #my meta #john lennon #paul mccartney #mclennon server

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i know you by heart - chapter 3

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Prospect, Joel Miller x Ezra, Joel & Ellie, Ezra & Cee, Joel is bad at feelings and relationships, Ellie is a little shit (affectionate), mostly follows canon after season 1, SMUT, gay sex, bisexual!Joel, period-typical homophobia, light angst, romance, age gap (~10ish years), I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

The greenhouse is warm and humid even this early in the spring. Joel wanders in, surprised to see Ezra and Cee at the far end, back to and hunched over something. Ezra turns around at the sound of the creaking door and gives him a crooked grin.

“Joel! To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Hey…didn’t know they had you folks in here.”

“I’m supposed to be at the library,” Cee says, glaring at Ezra. “But someone had to talk my ear off about plant propagation.”

“You wound me, birdie,” Ezra says, undeterred. “The science of gardening is a fascinating study in the act of playing god, and an absolute necessity in the new world in which we now find ourselves. The importance of knowing how to provide for one’s own sustenance can not be overstated.”

“See what I mean?” Cee groans, but Joel recognizes a familiar fondness in her eyes.

“I can come back if I’m interruptin’–”

“No!” Cee says, eyes flashing as she gathers her things and heads for the door in a rush. “You’re saving me. Bye, Ez.”

“Farewell, birdie. Don’t do anything–”

“‘You wouldn’t do’, yeah, yeah, got it.”

When she’s gone, Joel wanders closer to the workbench.

“So…you like…plants?” he says, then immediately wishes he could melt into the floor.

Like asking a contractor if they like fuckin’ nails.

“Ah. When I’m not entertaining the psychological notions of being or contributing to the Jackson youth’s musical education, I make myself of use in the gardening department,” he says. He turns back to the workbench, where he’s taking clippings from a larger plant with a pair of shears. “Thank the fates that when FEDRA took my arm, they didn’t take my green thumb along with it.”

Joel blinks, glancing at the stump of Ezra’s right shoulder. “FEDRA did that?”

“Indeed,” Ezra says, frowning as a clipping drops from his hand and into his lap. “I had the misfortune of suffering a bite.”

The words, spoken offhand, turn the blood in Joel’s veins to ice. He can’t help but picture Ellie’s vining scar, and he’s left to gape for a few precious seconds before Ezra continues.

“Pinky finger. I was something of an experiment. A particularly nimble medic was able to sever the arm above the infection before the fungus spread to less desirable places.”

“That…actually works?”

“Not for the majority, I’m afraid. I’m an oddity, a medical marvel,” he says with more than a trace of sarcasm. “The haste with which my esteemed colleague moved and the lack of anesthesia allowed me a certain grace. I clamped my teeth around the same belt that cut off circulation to the arm and took a bone saw above the elbow.”

“Jesus,” Joel breathes.

“I am fortunate to have a high tolerance for pain,” Ezra says. “And it’s infinitely better than the alternative, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I s’pose…”

Ezra puts down the shears, rounding to face him. “But you didn’t wander all this way for my tragic tale.”

“Oh, right. Uh, the council has us at the greenhouse next door. Said there was probably a roll of that plastic stored around here somewhere. Need to patch up the damage from that wind storm last week.”

“Mmm, I do believe I’ve seen just such a thing lingering about in the back shed,” Ezra says, hopping off the stool and gesturing for Joel to follow.

They go through the back and out to a separate storage building. It’s a dim, windowless room, lined with spare workbenches and cluttered with all sorts of landscaping gear. There’s barely enough space for them to stand shoulder to shoulder. Under one of the benches, tucked behind a slew of unused pots, Ezra unearths a huge roll of thick plastic. Together, they wrest it out of its hiding place and heft it onto the bench.

“That’ll do,” Joel says, brushing dust and loose soil from his hands. “Should be able to patch the worst of it.”

“Glad to be of assistance.”

“Oh, uh…I still have that…the Songbird , uh, thing,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Been meanin’ to get it back to you…”

In truth, he’s thought about the album every night for weeks, listened to it whenever Ellie allowed him to borrow the record player, and could probably play half the songs from memory.

“You’ve listened to it?” Ezra’s face lights up.

“Yeah, I uh…yeah, it’s…it’s good. It’s…m’sorry it’s…been a while…”

“There’s no rush,” he replies. “Music should be…savored.”

There’s another an awkward pause where neither of them makes to leave. In the cramped quarters of the shed, Joel can hear their mingled breathing, can smell the faint scent of sweat and the herbal lye soap from the commissary.

“Did you–”

“I should–”

Joel ducks his head, lets out a nervous breath of laughter.

“I was wondering,” Ezra begins, stepping closer, his voice lacking its usual bravado. “If you…if you would…indulge me.”

Joel swallows hard. “I-I don’t know what you’re gettin’ at.”

He sees Ezra’s tongue dart out, glazing his lower lip, before he raises his hand to cup Joel’s cheek in answer.

When he leans in, Joel is so shocked he doesn’t have the wherewithal to pull away. He’s frozen in place, all rational thought drowned out by the rushing beat of his pulse. He’s not entirely sure he’s not dreaming when Ezra’s lips press firmly, warmly against his own.

His eyes close of their own volition and the raucous noise in his head goes blissfully quiet as Ezra’s mouth slants over his, tasting of coffee and something richer, deeper, something that feeds the fire in his belly, a match to gasoline.

When they part, he’s stunned and dizzy in the aftermath, heart slamming against his ribs. Joel watches the other man’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat, considering him with careful, curious eyes.

Joel is the first to break the silence.

“I…I can’t.”

He suddenly can’t breathe, can’t take in enough air to get out the words, to explain. The roar in his mind comes back in full force, and he doesn’t even realize he’s moving for the door, doesn’t realize he’s forgotten the stupid plastic sheeting until he’s half a block away. He’ll have to send Tommy back for it.

That was stupid, really fuckin’ stupid.

He doesn’t know if it’s the kiss or the fact that he’s running away like a damn dog with his tail between his legs. He looks over his shoulder, half expecting Ezra to follow him, unsure if he’s disappointed or relieved when he finds he’s alone.

“What’s your problem?” Ellie asks later that evening when they’re sitting together in the caf and Joel is pushing his food around on his plate. He can still feel Ezra’s lips against his.

“S’nothin’, kid,” he mutters. “Eat your food.”

“You’re acting weird,” she says. “And you have dirt on your face.”

“You’re actin’ weird,” he fires back, wiping at skin on his cheek, flushing at the thought of Ezra’s hand there. “Eat.”

“Is this one of those ‘do as I say, not as I do’ things?” she says, looking skeptically at his almost full plate.

“Had a big lunch,” he mutters.

“Uh-huh,” she says, then makes a point of stealing his dinner roll. “Oh, I saw Cee at the library. She said she has issue 7 of Savage Starlight. I’ve never read it, she said I could borrow her copy sometime.”

“Yeah?” he looks up, then back at his plate, trying not to sound too eager. “Are you two, uh, friends?”

“We hang out, I guess,” Ellie shrugs. “Ezra’s her Joel-person.”

“Her…oh. Right.”

“Hey, can I go over to Dina’s tonight? They’re having a bonfire, they’re gonna show me how to make s’mores. Or I guess, not real s’mores, ‘cause we don’t have chocolate, but–”

“It’s movie night,” he says.

“Oh…shit,” her face falls. “I forgot.”

He ducks his head, stuffs a forkful of something green in his mouth without tasting it. “S’no big deal. Dina’s sister will be there, right?”

“Yeah…I mean, we can do the movies if you want…”

“No, you go,” he says, swallowing a pang of loneliness with his next bite.

“If you’re sure,” Ellie says.

He ducks his head in a nod and hopes he sounds sincere. “I’m sure.”

They walk back to their house on Rancher Street, Ellie chattering about ritual burning ceremonies for the spring equinox, something that would probably concern him if he weren’t otherwise distracted. They spot Maria at her house across the street talking to one of the neighbors, an attractive younger woman who looks all too eager to chat.

Maria waves them over, but he pretends not to get the hint and makes a sharp left toward his house.

“C’mon Joooooel,” Ellie drawls, nudging him. “You should go talk to her.”

He shoots her a look.

“Dude, if I have to be all nice and make friends and shit, you should, too.”

“I’m good,” he mutters, letting them into the house. “An’ I’m not the one who tried to stab someone, if I’m rememberin’ right.”

“I never actually stabbed anyone,” she huffs. “And Dina forgave me, anyway.”

“Sure hope so. Could be she’s lightin’ your funeral pyre right now.”

“Very funny. But seriously, you should, like…go do whatever it is old men do for fun. Go to the bar or play golf or something.”

“Do I look like I know how to play golf?” he says, arching an eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe not, but–”

“Tell you what,” he interrupts. “You go to your bonfire ritual sacrifice thing, an’ I’m gonna sit right here and enjoy some peace an’ fuckin’ quiet for once.”

She rolls her eyes, heading for the stairs. “Fine, but don’t blame me when you die all sad and alone.”

“‘Least it’ll be quiet,” he calls after her.

That evening there’s still a chill in the air but it’s not enough to drive him off the back porch. He takes his guitar and a glass of whiskey and settles on the bench he installed for just this purpose. It’s quiet and private, a perfect place to practice.

Midnights in winter

The glowing fire

Lights up your face in orange and gold

I see your sweet smile

Shine through the darkness

It's line is etched in my memory

So I'd know you by heart

The last chord fades into the night when a familiar voice speaks from the doorway.

“I knew you were a musician.”

Joel’s head snaps around.

“Your young prodigy let me in,” Ezra offers, sauntering across the porch to lean against the railing, the long line of his frame lithe against the post. “She told me to tell you she’s off to a ‘ceremonial burning.’”

Joel sighs. “Sounds about right.”

“I wanted to…check in,” Ezra says carefully. “I didn’t want to leave things in a precarious state.”

“Yeah, ‘bout that,” Joel murmurs. “Look, I’m sorry if I–“

Ezra holds up a hand.

“If I may, I’ll say I thought–I thought I perceived a certain…kinship. I usually have a keen sense for these things, but it appears I was mistaken, and I wanted to apologize if I overstepped–”

Joel shakes his head, cutting him off. “That’s not…it ain’t what you’re thinkin’, Ez.”

“Then enlighten me,” Ezra sighs. “So I’m not left at the mercy of my imagination, to wonder if my radar is permanently broken or just temporarily out of calibration.”

Joel ducks his head. His lips feel numb and awkward around the words. “I’m not…good…at this. But…you weren’t wrong.”

Ezra considers this. Then he nods, tipping his head to the guitar in Joel’s hands. “‘Where words fail, music speaks.’ I take it you liked our friend Eva’s work?”

“Yeah…it’s, uh…hadn’t heard her version of Songbird . Reminded me of…of someone.”

“It reminded me of you…the musician. And with a resonant voice to match,” Ezra says, quirking his lips. “ Songbird for a songbird.”

Joel feels his cheeks flame and pretends to busy himself with tuning the guitar. “It’s, uh…softer than I’m used to.”

“Softness is an oft-neglected quality in this sorry world,” Ezra murmurs, eyes dark. “Play for me, songbird?”

Joel huffs an embarrassed laugh. “Y’want me to ruin a perfectly good song?”

“I don’t think you could if you tried.”

“Fine,” Joel says, breathing a sigh. “But don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

He plays the song he’s practiced for weeks, the song that’s kept Ezra at the forefront of his mind, stuck like a splinter in his consciousness.

You left in autumn

The leaves were turning

I saw your sweet smile

I heard your laughter

You're still here beside me

Everyday

'Cause I know you by heart

The last note seems to resonate within him, filling his chest until it’s tight and aching. There’s the faint call of a bird and the rustle of the grass and the sound of his own breathing echoing in his ears and he can’t meet Ezra’s eyes even though he can feel the man’s gaze like a sunburn on his skin.

Then, footsteps on the worn floorboards of the porch as Ezra crosses the distance and takes the guitar slowly from his hands, propping it against the railing. The shifting of the bench underneath as Ezra sits. There’s the warmth of his thigh pressed close and a shaky out-breath as his hand cups Joel’s cheek. This time he lets himself into the touch, closing his eyes.

“I–I dunno how to do this,” Joel whispers.

“Hmm,” the other man says, considering, stroking the scruff on Joel’s cheek with one tender thumb. “I think you do.”

When their lips touch for the second time that day, it unlocks something in Joel’s chest, the desire finally opening him by force from the inside out.

His tongue traces the soft ridge of Ezra’s lips, seeking permission, rewarded with a moan and reciprocated touch, warm and wet. Probing, gentle curiosity that escalates into something harder, more needy the longer it lasts. Joel’s fingers tangle in the mess of curls at Ezra’s nape and pull, tipping his head back, kneading the skin at the base of his scalp as he explores the other man’s mouth with his own.

He takes. He gives in to the wanting that’s plagued him for months, he gives in to Ezra’s mouth and lips and tongue. They spar, trading off dominance and submission in equal turns, until they’re both panting and huffing, breath forming mingled clouds in the rapidly cooling night air. Ezra’s mouth is on Joel’s neck, biting, the skin at his pulse point clamped gently between his teeth.

Ezra is smiling when he finally pulls away, eyes heavy-lidded, lips kiss-bitten and swollen. They’re pressed forehead to forehead as he chuckles, a mellow, rumbling sound that goes straight to Joel’s cock.

“Upstairs,” Joel growls when he can finally speak. “Now.”

“Lead the way,” Ezra pants.

They never make it to the bed.

++++++++++++++++++SMUT+CUT+++++++++++++++++++

He has just enough foresight to lock the bedroom door behind them before Ezra’s lips and teeth drag up the cord of muscle along Joel’s neck and his knees nearly give out, forced to brace himself against the door with one hand.

Ezra is greedy, his hand already coming around to clutch hotly at Joel’s stomach, pulling at his clothes–flannel, undershirt, belt, jeans, Jesus, why are there so many fucking layers –seeking warm, bare skin. He shouldn’t be surprised the man is adept, but he’s quick, too. There’s the cinch of Joel’s belt growing tighter and then loosening as it slips from the clasp, the tug of a button being roughly undone, zipper pulled down, and then Ezra’s hand skims the curls at the base of Joel’s belly before drifting lower, lower.

He’s harder than he has any right to be at his age. Ezra’s hand is precise, gripping and stroking his foreskin over his shaft and back with just the right pressure. He circles the head, slick with precome, then grips and sets a steady rhythm that has Joel biting on his own bicep to muffle the sounds that come pouring from his throat.

“Wanna hear you sing, songbird,” Ezra’s voice drawls in his ear.

“Fuck, Ez…that’s…fuck.”

Ezra’s mouth is latched to a patch of skin at the base of Joel’s neck, the vibration of a growl sending rivulets of pleasure down his spine as his hand slides over Joel’s cock over and over.

It’s embarrassing how little effort it takes to make him come, wound tight as he is. He paints Ezra’s knuckles and the door with his spend, groaning into the sleeve of his flannel.

He’s panting as Ezra manhandles him, turning him around and pressing his body against the length of the door to sip an almost gentle kiss from his lips, then another, carefully stoking the fire that’s resettled at the base of Joel’s spine.

“Come back to me, cher ,” Ezra murmurs, sliding his hand around to grip Joel’s ass, lightly grinding his clothed erection against his thigh. Overstimulated and spent, Joel has enough wherewithal to know Ezra still has far too many clothes on. He pushes the other man roughly back, fumbles with the button of his jeans–even with the use of both hands, he’s not nearly as clever or quick, but he makes do��until Ezra’s cock springs free.

Joel pulls Ezra close again, letting him nuzzle at the base of Joel’s throat as he takes his length in hand, stroking delicately, tentatively, less urgent now that his own needs are satisfied. Their eyes lock and Joel watches the other man’s face contort with pleasure, every furrow of his brow or tremble of his lip.

Then Ezra’s mouth is a hot brand at his collarbone, urging him faster, harder, until he’s thrusting his hips shamelessly into Joel’s hand and spilling against him, sticky and warm. It’s a sudden plunge into oblivion and it’s over too soon.

++++++++++++++++++END+SMUT+CUT+++++++++++++++++++

Joel leans in, pulls Ezra close as they both come down. He wants to take him to bed and wrap himself in the other man’s warmth, wants to undress him, map the scars on his chest, taste him, take his time.

“Ellie’s gonna be home,” Joel whispers when their breathing has settled. “Shit, Ez…we can’t–”

“I know,” he soothes, tipping his head up for a slow, lazy kiss.

“I don’t–I want…”

“Next time, songbird,” Ezra chuckles against Joel’s chest. “Next time, we’ll savor the moment.”

“You asshole !”

Ezra left half an hour ago with a parting kiss that Joel can still feel burning up the back of his neck to the tips of his ears. He floats through the shower in a daze, wipes up the evidence of their tryst, stifles a grin in the privacy of his bedroom.

Now Ellie storms through the front door and Joel feels the blood drain from his face.

How the hell does she know?

“Ellie–?”

“You never told me about marshmallows!”

“...what?”

“Marshmallows,” she says. “Y’know, the white fluffy cloud things? Dina’s sister made ‘em.”

Joel blinks, knees suddenly wobbly with relief, and has to steady himself against the kitchen island. “Oh…right…marshmallows…”

“They’re so fucking good, dude. I ate, like, ten,” she says, headed for the fridge. “Oh, what’d Ezra want?”

“Uhm,” Joel clears his throat. “Uh…he…wanted to pick up that record I borrowed.”

The lie is out before he even realizes it’s a lie. It doesn’t feel like a lie because what happened upstairs thirty minutes ago had to have been a horny fever dream. Except…

Next time, songbird.

His ears are burning again.

“Oh. Cool,” Ellie shrugs, seemingly oblivious to Joel’s turmoil. She peers into the fridge, picks through the contents before taking out a container of leftover vegetable casserole. Ten marshmallows down and she’s still hungry, apparently, but it’s good to see her eat.

“So what’d you do while I was gone?” she asks, popping the lid off the leftovers and stuffing a forkful into her mouth.

“Nothin’ much,” he says too quickly, glancing around for a distraction. His eyes settle on the TV. “Hey, uh, I know we missed the movie, but…ever seen Apollo 13 ? Grabbed it from the library, it’s about one of the moon landings–”

Her eyes light up. “Moon stuff? I’m in!”

“It’s gettin’ a little late,” he teases. “Maybe we should wait ‘til tomorrow…”

“Oh please,” she scoffs. “I’m not tired if you’re not, old man.”

With that, she launches herself over the back of the couch, landing hard on the already strained couch springs. Miraculously, the casserole stays mostly contained.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?“ he sighs.

“C’mon, dude,” she says, easily ignoring him. “Start the movie before I have to put you to bed.”

“Put you to bed,” he mutters, settling on the couch in his usual spot. Ellie burrows into his side, tucking her head against his chest. She’ll fall asleep half an hour later.

“Marshmallows and the moon?” she yawns against him. “Best day ever.”

He can’t disagree.

#the last of us fanfic #joel miller x ezra prospect #prospect fanfic #queer fanfic #two gay dads #smut!

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