#like he KNOWS he’s a scummy person who’s part of the ugly side of the galaxy

[gizkalord]

It’s the way Jod seems almost… happy that he lost, because it means that for at least some kids, the fairy tale of good over evil came true

[satsuma-saturn]

Imperfectly Perfect - Leviathan x Reader

A/N: This took me a minute to get to, cuz college has kept me busy, as well as personal issues, but I finally got to it. Anon, I hope you enjoy it and that it’s what you were looking for. If it’s not quite up to your standards, I apologize. Just tell me it’s shit and I’ll rewrite it 💀 I just didn’t know how to go about it and this is how it turned out. You didn’t specify a gender, so the reader is gender neutral, I hope that’s okay. Requests are still open if anyone wants to request smth, since my inbox is empty most of the time. Anyway, enjoy!

WC: 1137

Warning(s): Cursing

as always, fic is below the cut

Ugly, oily, pockmarked. There are many adjectives that you can use to describe your face, none of them positive. How can you be positive when you feel so ugly? So disgusting? Even worse, how can he stay by your side when you look like this? Maybe he figures that he can’t get anyone else so he settled for you. He seems like the type that would. Leviathan, your sweet, awkward, otaku boyfriend. Everything about him is beautiful. His face, his personality, everything.

Speaking of, Levi was sitting nearby, his attention zeroed in on his game. He was playing some online game, occasionally speaking into his mic. You may as well not even be present, but that’s just Levi. It wasn’t like he was ignoring you on purpose, right? Maybe he was, but he’d never tell you. After all, you were the only one to give him positive attention, watching anime with him and going to conventions. If he were more social, he’d get the attention from others that he so desired, but you were one of the only ones who knew the true him.

With a small sigh, you stand up, creeping out of the room. It wasn’t that you wanted to leave him alone, but you needed to be alone. When you were around him, you always felt so guilty, like you were taking up space that could belong to someone else. Levi could have anyone he wanted, even if he didn’t think so. He didn’t need to waste his time by being with you. Once you reached your room, you opened the door and stepped inside, flopping on your bed. You laid there for who knows how long, but eventually, you heard your door open. Instead of sitting up to see who it was, you just pretended to be asleep. Whoever it was would get bored and leave, probably sooner than later.

“You left me,” Levi’s voice came from the direction of your door, sounding hurt. You didn’t respond, hoping he’ll assume you’re sleeping or something, and leave. “I know you’re not asleep. Your heart is racing.” Damn demon.

Sitting up, you look at him, feeling a little guilty. “Sorry,” you replied, looking down at your hands. “I just felt..like I didn’t belong there.” You didn’t really know how to explain it.

He cocked his head, a confused expression floating across his face. “What do you mean that you didn’t belong? I wasn’t like ignoring you, I was just a little sucked into my game. I didn’t think that you minded it so much.”

You shook your head. “No, it’s not that. It’s just...well...I’m ugly.” His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t speak, probably waiting for an explanation. “It’s true. I mean, you guys are like demons and you’re fucking perfect, but I look like this! My face is full of ugly acne and pockmarks and-” He interrupted you.

“What?!? You think I care about that?” His eyes were full of a fire that you’ve only seen when he talks about anime. “Listen, I’ve been here a long damn time. So long that I don’t even remember how long it’s been. You are one of the best, most attractive humans I’ve ever met. Acne is normal for humans, from what I’ve learned, and sometimes it scars. That doesn’t make you any less of a human, or any less deserving of me`” He was acting more bold than you’ve ever seen him before. In fact, he never acted bold, even towards his brothers, but he was in a moment of passion. Did he really love you, even as flawed as you are.

Tears threatened to fall down your face. You felt like shit and looked like shit, but Levi stood there, telling you exactly how he felt about you. Before, he’d never shared his feelings with you, preferring to act like he didn’t like you or that he wasn’t attached, lest he get his heart broken. “Levi…” Your voice cracked as you said his name.

“Stop, I’m being serious. When I first met you, you were just some normie that I didn’t want to bother with. You’re not a normie, though. You put up with me, even when my Sin takes over. It isn’t fair that I had to wait so long to meet you and get to know you. It’s not fair when my brothers take your attention away from me, especially that good-for-nothing, scummy, greedy--”

“You can just say ‘Mammon.’ You don’t need to add all of those adjectives in front of his name,” you said, your voice shaky. Levi was trying to make you laugh, but you didn’t feel like laughing. Reassurance was what you needed, not laughter. He made a conscious decision not to respond to that. Mammon was like a dog, appearing when called, and he didn’t want him anywhere near you. Especially not while you were in such a vulnerable state. What would he do if Mammon came in and swept you off your feet, reassuring you that everything would be okay? There wasn’t much he could do to his older, stronger brother.

Levi sat on your bed, near you, but not close enough. He awkwardly snaked his hands around your waist, stopping every few seconds, as if waiting for you to protest. When you didn’t, he continued until you were basically against his chest. “I-is this okay?” He asked, his earlier confidence wavering.

In response, you said, “Yeah,” running your fingers through his soft, purple locks. He nodded, bringing you closer. Your head was on his chest, and you could hear his heart racing.

“L-listen, Y/N. I really like you. You’re very attractive and one of the only people who can stand listening to my ramblings. You’ve never told me to shut up, unlike my brothers, and I feel like I can be myself around you.” He sighed. “I may be a yucky otaku that no one would ever want to be with, but...umm…” He trailed off, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. “But I’m not desperate enough for love that I’d date someone I didn’t like. Stop saying horrible things about yourself. You’re more than your skin. I..um..IloveyousostopbeingmeantothepersonIlove.” The last part was said so quickly that you weren’t entirely sure what he said.

“What was that last bit?”

His cheeks were scarlet. “N-nothing!” You snickered, feeling his warmth envelope you as he held you in his arms. Levi’s mood changed like the weather, where he’d gone from bold to meek back to bold and then back to meek. Sometimes, you couldn’t figure him out. Actually that was most times, but you knew that you loved him. Your envious, otaku, demon boyfriend. Admittedly, he drove you insane at times, but there was no one else whose arms you wanted to be in.

[dreamii-yume]

I feel Yandere ace should get some attention so how about ace not knowing how to express his feeling to his darling bullies for their attention eventually the darling has enough and starts avoiding him

I agree! Ace is one of my favorite characters and writing him as a Yandere is very fun! Furthermore, he sounds like an interesting friend to have honestly. (΄◉◞౪◟◉｀) You know, the one friend that gets you into stupid, troublesome shit but at least it was fun, am I right?

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

It’s not his fault, you know? If ever, he should be blaming Darling! He thought that the two of them could get along as friends, but she ruined everything...

Darling just have to make him feel like this and act like she did nothing wrong.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

“You look like a chipmunk with all those food in your mouth.” Ace said, raising his eyebrows in amusement before pulling on your round cheeks with a smirk. You squeaked, whining at the pain of getting your flesh stretched out but the guy just laughed at you. “Eat properly, dork.”

He let go of your reddening cheeks and you just glared at him out of spite. Your mouth wasn’t even that full but still, you huffed as you chewed your lunch a lot more thoroughly. Ace just stared at you with the same smirk that never left his face. He pursed his lips together, trying to keep his hand from twitching. The lingering feeling of your soft skin was still faint on his hand, he wanted to feel more but decided against it for your own sake.

Ace himself didn’t know exactly when he started feeling this way about you.

Last time he checked, you weren’t all that special, weren’t worth taking a double look at. Sure, you were from a world that no one knows about and can’t use magic, but that’s basically the only thing different about you and nothing more. Honestly, it was all boring stuff that doesn’t interest him at all. But first impressions really change the more you spent time with that person, Ace seemed to have found this out the hard way.

“Ow!” You gasped softly to not attract attention from anyone in your current class and quietly glanced behind you, rubbing on the slightly burning part of your scalp. Ace had pulled on a segment of your hair hard and even had the audacity to sneer at you with a mischievous look on his face. “W-What was that for!?”

“Nothing, really. Just wanted to mess with you~” He said in a low voice to not get caught by the current teacher in front. You glared at him with puffed up cheeks as you turned your head back to the board in front. This just caused Ace to snicker, almost choking himself on how much he’s trying to hold his laughter in. “You should be thankful, dummy. I can see you nodding off from here, I bet you were making such an ugly yawning face just earlier. So, Because I’m nice, I just have to wake you up before the teacher notice those yawns.”

Ace heard you muttering something under your breath that he couldn’t quite hear, but he’s pretty sure that you were cursing him. He doesn’t mind though, you tried your best to not fall asleep in the majority of the class because of it anyway. Ace kept his focus at you though, wishing how much he wanted to be seated beside you instead of being stuck staring at your back this whole time. His mind drifted off to your sleepy-looking face, imagining how adorable it must’ve been.

He himself began to doze off and of course, they were all thoughts revolving around you. Your voice calling out his name, the way you pout when things don’t get your way, the way your eyes would lit up like a kid receiving a gift during Christmas. Ace began to see those little traits in a different way as time goes by. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what was happening to him, he wasn’t naive enough to believe that it’s just something you feel whilst growing up. It’s far more than that, more intense, more serious, something that makes his heart beat irregularly whenever you’re near.

Ace was in love with you.

...Saying it like that sounded too cheesy and uncool for Ace’s taste, but it was true. It started out as a little crush that he hid so well but unfortunately grew bigger and bigger without him even realizing so. He heard how love was supposed to feel good, life-changing even, but all this time, Ace was feeling nothing but annoyance. It felt like a burden in his heart that just won’t leave him alone at whatever he does. But no matter how troublesome it gets, he could not build up the courage to just go and confess to you.

It took a long time to become this close to you after all, he didn’t want to ruin the bond you both worked hard on. Friendship wasn’t enough for Ace, but it was literally the only thing that holds the two of you together right now. He can’t risk the possibility of you getting weirded out and avoiding him, he doesn’t have enough will power to stand that. Ace wouldn’t admit it in real life but for the first time in a while, he does not feel too confident in carrying out something so risky.

“Thank you, Ace!” You exclaimed happily as you wiped away tears that almost fell from your eyes. You hugged the notebook that you thought you lost tight, giving Ace a big, grateful smile. “You’re a real-life saver!”

The side of his lips twitched slightly, but he made sure to never let you notice those subtle movements. Instead, he went with it, chuckling as he ruffled your hair. “Yeah, yeah...” He said but gave you another one of his cruel smirk. Suddenly, all the relief you felt just faded away, just to be replaced with dread. You paled as a bad feeling began piling up on your stomach, you gulped. “I’m in charge of taking care of the flamingos in Heartslabyul tomorrow. I expect you to be there too, okay~?”

Of course, Ace just returned something so important to you, it’s just expected that he would want something in return. “Also, the limited-edition sandwich in the cafeteria looks pretty good, don’t you think? Won’t you get that for me too?” Ace said, giving you a toothy grin while your eye twitched, unable to have a say in his demands. “What~? I’m the type of guy who doesn’t do anything unless there’s a reward in the end, you know?”

Once again, you puffed up your cheeks, irritation building up inside but sighed anyway and hesitantly agreed to his terms and conditions, despite the fact that you knew it was going to strain both your time and wallet. Ace’s eyes remained mischievous however, as you eventually just brushed him off and excused yourself to go to your next class before headed out with a wave. Ace stared at your retreating figure, waiting for the moment where he was sure you were gone. When that moment arrived though, the first thing he did was to let out a sigh.

You were too easy, thanks to that whole ordeal, he’s sure as hell going to be looking forward to do the flamingo duty now that he roped you in there to help him. Not to mention the deluxe lunch that you’ll be getting for him later too. But still, you really have to be careful not to get caught up in situations like this with other people, you’re lucky that he only asks for minor things. Seriously, you were too careless...

...To not even notice that it was him who stole that precious notebook of yours to begin with.

The panic was enough to nearly bring you to tears but whatever. At the end of the day, all Ace really wanted to do was to hoard your attention all to himself, resulting in these pathetic attempts.

That’s right, Ace doesn’t intend to hurt you at all. He just wanted to mess with you until his image would be the one floating in your mind all day, every day. Just like you would always be in his, it’s just fair, don’t you think so too?

It’s scummy, but what else was he supposed to do? Gaining your affection in a fair manner just feels like he’s ready for a rejection to come by, like he’s bound to get rejected. God only knows if Ace’s heart could accept such a half-ass conclusion like that. If he’ll have to use deceit, lies, and cruelty to capture your heart, then so be it.

It’s all for the sake of love, isn’t it?

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

...At least, it was all supposed to be for the sake of love.

“You’re always yapping about wanting to go home and all that stuff, but don’t you think you’re being a little too selfish here?” Ace said one day when you made the mistake of shifting the conversation about your world. “Everyone in here accepted you already, you know? Even if you can’t go home, I’m sure there’s someone out here willing to take you in!”

“The dorm leaders are so fond of you now, the headmaster is kind so I’m sure he wouldn’t throw you out, and hell, I’ll probably be cursed for life if I don’t make even the slightest bit of effort on making you feel at home!” Ace complained, keeping his eyes close as he ignored the abnormal beating of his heart. He wondered if you noticed how the last part of his dialogue obviously points a clue to how he truly felt towards you. “...And even with all of those possibilities, you still want to go home? Come on, aren’t you being a little ungrateful here, Princess?”

Ace was genuinely upset, but for reasons you weren’t aware of nor reasons you even thought of. It was a disappointment that you didn’t notice just how much he meant what he said, that he’ll do anything to make you feel at home in his world. That he’ll be the one to take you when no one else would. You weren’t being selfish just by wanting to go home, Ace was just the one who’s most terrified of the thought of you leaving. But of course, ruthless words were the only way he could do to prevent you for doing just that.

“Besides, you’re not even sure if people in your world wants you back in the first place.” It felt like an arrow had pierced your heart just by seeing your expression but that’s what Ace wanted you to feel. He wanted his words to hit too close to home for you while he laughs without a single care in the world. “I mean, a clumsy, stupid girl like you? I can’t imagine anyone waiting for someone like that! Must’ve been a relief for everyone in your world to finally realize that you were gone!”

Things would’ve been fine as it is with Ace constantly catching you off-guard with his petty little tricks. It was just what most friends do, be mean and brutally honest with each other just for the laughs and then, make up soon after. It would’ve been fun, it would’ve been hilarious, but all things had their own limits. And When someone crosses that line without respecting its boundary, that’s when things would transcend for the worst.

The way your eyes looked like they were about to tear up, Ace had to ignore that. He wouldn’t let you escape either, he needed to drill that fact into your head. That feeling that no one else but him would want and accept someone like you. He needed to make you feel worthless, just so he could be the knight to sweep you off your feet.

Unbeknownst to him though, Ace didn’t realize that it was that particular moment where he had cross that forbidden boundary. He slowly lost the general idea of control now that he discovered another, much brutal side he could go. All he cared about now is how much your attention was on him, that you wouldn’t even dare think of anyone else.

Teasing comments became downright insulting, jokes became too real, and physical impacts became way too abusive.

You wouldn’t be able to defend yourself when a hot bowl of soup would ‘accidentally’ fall in your lap. You would never be prepared when you would get pushed down the stairs and strain something. You wouldn’t be able to blame anyone if your notes would disappear and come back to you with aggressive scribbles all over the words. So naturally, you wouldn’t be able to move once his hands had wrapped themselves around your neck, threatening to injure you one way or another if you dare do anything.

...And throughout of it all, Ace would be smirking, laughing at your misery. You could see it in his eyes on how much he was enjoying himself, he was enjoying the feeling of being able to trample on you like this. Even if he believes that he wasn’t.

It had driven you into a corner, his actions had quickly shifted into something far worse than teasing. The glint of satisfaction in his eyes whenever you would end up tearing up like it was the highlight of his day. Your increasing number of bruises had been getting a lot of questions lately. It’s not easy to answer them honestly without Ace’s piercing eyes in the background, he just seems to follow you everywhere. Eventually, you finally decided to put your foot down, it wasn’t funny anymore.

But although you’ve had enough, it’s not like you could just fight back against him. No, Ace was far more tricky and cunning as you, trying before had already resulted into a scar that never truly disappeared. So, you did what you could only do the best.

Stay away from his line of sight and hope for the best; Survive.

You started avoiding him, ignoring his gestures during class and not answering his messages or calls. You didn’t let him have an alone time with you anymore, running away towards where people would gather so he couldn’t act. You wouldn't allow him anywhere close to your dorm without another soul accompanying him, hiding until you could no longer hear his voice. Ace was one of the first few friends that you’ve gained after coming into this world, possibly the first. But as important as he is, you felt as if he needed some time to recollect his thoughts, to realize what he was doing wrong.

You had no clue on why he's suddenly like this, he was troublesome before but he was still an overall good friend. You just want him to go back to the way he used to be and this was the only possible way you could think of. If his abusive treatment of you continues, you were afraid that you might just end up seeing him as a villain, a relentless bully and not the Ace that you spent time with.

...This was supposed to be for his own good, yet why does it still feel like you had just pressed the wrong buttons?

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Continue the Spice~? 

Something different about this Dream Sinfic, huh? Well, that’s because Yume’s using a laptop to post! ＼(￣▽￣)／I personally feel like this style feel more organized and neat but what do you think, sweetheart?

Anyway, Yume has started her online class now as expected, it sucks and I’m sad to say that you may expect slow updates from now on, Darling~ o(TヘTo) But I’ll still write, don’t worry~ (´,,•ω•,,)♡ Nothing can keep me apart from making the hornii dreams come true

[magioftheseas]

Mending Cotton Thread

Summary: the ultra despair girls meet with an ex-servant once more.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language courtesy of Touko

Notes: This is late for Touko’s birthday and wasn’t even written for her birthday but please accept it anyway. Writing Touko is hard. I tried. Weirdly I haven’t written a lot of Toukomaru, presumably because I suck or something. And Komaeda is here, too. I do write a lot of him.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

Of all the people to see again, she wasn’t expecting it to be Servant-san. It had to be at the weirdest, most unexpected moment.

Except not really. All she was doing was visiting the Future Foundation building to leave a report and namely, to talk to Makoto for a bit. Riots broke out in Towa City again, and he had been so worried about her but she took care of it, her and Touko, it was fine, everything was fine, but she did still want to talk to Makoto and—

“Oof!”

“Ah!”

She hadn’t been paying much attention. She ran into someone, near barreled into them, actually, and that person had been kind enough to steady her in return. They had a cold but secure grip. Not clammy like Touko but much more perfunctory. There was a mechanical whirl by her ear, and a soft exhale.

“Are you...alright?” A hesitant question. One that Komaru immediately needed to respond to.

“Yes, I’m fi—!”

When she turned to face that person, she stopped. In fact, everything stopped.

When she was face to face with Servant-san again, it wasn’t fine. It wasn’t fine at all. She froze up and reached for her gun instinctively, only pausing when he backed off and held up his hands.

“Sorry,” he says with a pitiful smile. “I’ll be out of the building soon. Please don’t mind me, Komaru-san.”

Komaru blinked at him. It was Servant-san’s face, but Servant-san never looked at her like that.

Her thoughts start racing in spite of his apparent efforts.

What—should I do? Should I accost him? Stop him? Interrogate him? Demand something like, “what are you doing here?! What are you planning?!”

But he doesn’t look like he’s planning anything bad...

If she were Makoto, she’d stand her ground but smile in return. Would simply ask questions. Would defuse the situation. Act sweet. Act gentle. Makoto was a bit hapless at times, but he always dealt well with people.

If she were Touko, she’d stand her ground and strike first. Throw Servant into the wall. Incapacitate him. Show that she was in charge. That she was in control. Even though Touko had a unique way with words, she knew how to back herself up with actions.

She’s not either of them. Komaru is just—herself.

“Servant-san...?” she questions it because even now, Komaru is not the surest of herself.

“Oh. I never...” Servant laughs, wheezes. It’s such a scratchy ugly sound that Komaru nearly seizes up, but Servant is quick to wave his hands and shake his head frantically. “No, no, I wasn’t laughing at you, Komaru-san! It’s more that I...um. I never introduced myself properly to you, did I?”

“You said not to mind you,” she pointed out, lips pointed into a frown. “You said that back then—and just now. So, have you really changed?”

“Mm, no comment.” He doesn’t look at her but he seemed embarrassed. Human, whereas Servant-san had always come across as alien and incomprehensible. So he had changed in some ways.

If he was at the Future Foundation and not in chains, maybe he was dubbed safe to be around?

Unless—?!

No, no, she told herself once she got a closer look at Servant. Servant, who shuffled back uncomfortably but didn’t try to run. Servant, who was wearing a finely pressed suit with gloved hands. Hair tied back neatly to boot. One could be mistaken and almost think this person handsome in a soft, mushy kind of way. Either way, with a look like this... I don’t think Servant-san has recently broken out of any prisons.

“Servant-san,” she said, and he perked up.

“It’s Komaeda.” He gives a smile. “Komaeda Nagito. Nice to see you again, Komaru-san. I’m terribly sorry for causing such a scare.” Ducking his head, he side-steps as if just being in her path had been a horrible offense on his part. Touko would agree with that assessment, so Komaru is quiet as Ser—as Komaeda Nagito flees.

She never got any actual answers. Just a name.

Servant-san is still a strange person, she decided. At least—he’s more like a person than before.

--

“Um... K-Komaru...?”

She’s so busy daydreaming that she’s not paying much attention to her surroundings.

“Komaru...”

She’s caught up in thoughts of that strange encounter. Wondering if maybe it had been too lukewarm, too inconsequential all things considered. Too—normal. Which Servant-san of the past would’ve gotten annoyed about. Komaeda Nagito hadn’t been bothered at all.

“Komaru!”

Komaru gasped mid-sigh which caused a near hiccup. She also jumped to attention, much to her girlfriend’s annoyance.

“The hell is with you,” Touko was griping. “Did something happen?”

Straight to the point. A hand on her shoulder. A stern grip.

That was Touko. Her partner and pillar.

“You kept making that annoyingly constipated look you get when you’re deep in thought,” Touko elaborated. In a very ‘that was Touko’ sort of way. “Spill the shit, Komaru.”

Touko was very reassuring.

(Komaru means this sincerely.)

“There was someone I met...”

--

Touko ended up so shocked by this apparent encounter that she started foaming at the mouth.

“But, uh, he didn’t seem like a bad person?” Komaru offered pitifully. “Ser—um. Komaeda-san had a completely different feel! Actually...”

The more I thought about it, he had reminded me somewhat of Makoto.

“W-We absolutely can’t trust your judgment!” Touko hissed, still so rattled and anxious. “You’re way too naïve and flippant about this—that fucking shit-spewing toilet tried to get her to kill you, you know!”

“I know, but...” I believed in you, so it was fine. “I did ask Makoto about him. Makoto said that... Komaeda-san was working with the Future Foundation, and that Komaeda-san wasn’t a bad person.”

Touko’s lips pulled into a thin line.

“You didn’t tell him, did you? That you already met that fucker.”

Unsurprisingly, Touko had seen right through her. Despite everything, she couldn’t help but smile at that, even when Touko’s response was a long-suffering groan.

“Komaru, what the shit. That’s absolutely the kind of thing you should run by your damn brother. By the way, that scummy guy?! He tried to have me offed by a serial killer! So maybe—I don’t know! Be fucking careful, you dullard?! Something like that!” Touko flailed, but when she steadied herself, she took Komaru by the shoulders. “Are you seriously the kind of fucking doormat that keeps quiet when troubled?! Are you kidding me?!”

“It’s not that,” Komaru denied. “It’s more that—I trust Makoto? Just like I trusted you...”

“You shouldn’t! He’s an idealistic moron and I’m—argh!” Touko pinched her nose. “Forget this. Let me settle things.”

I trust Touko-chan, so...!

“Touko-chan!” She seized her precious partner’s hands, squeezing with all she had. “Let’s settle them together!”

“U-Ugh...” Touko does flinch with a face such a heated red that it caused her glasses to fog up and steam to come pouring out the ears. “T-T...T-T-T-To...gether...”

Komaru can’t help but smile brightly.

It’s cliché to think, but we absolutely won’t falter if we’re together!

--

Touko had made demands to Makoto on the first given opportunity, leaving no room for argument.

“Do you think that we don’t fucking know who that guy used to be?! Before you parade him around so s-shamelessly you have to run shit by us! I’ll be the judge if he’s actually good enough to be out in the open or not...!”

“You want to meet with Komaeda-san?” He does glance at Komaru. Swallowing, she nods and stares back. Her brother understands. “Alright. I’ll set up a meeting, then. Did something...?”

“Happen? Between us? What the hell gave you that idea,” Touko scoffed before getting all flustered. “O-Obviously! We met him in Towa! He really caused us a shitload of problems! Did Byakuya-sama not tell you?!”

“Ah, he might’ve mentioned something like that...” Makoto’s smile is apologetic. “I’m sorry, Komaru.”

Komaru waved her hands.

“It’s not that I want S—Komaeda-san to be behind bars or anything. If you say he’s atoning, I believe you, Makoto... But... I do want to see it for myself.”

For a moment, she does think of those other kids. Shingetsu in particular who had been earnest in his desires to help other kids. While she never could get a read on Servant either, she did wonder if he had been the same before he got warped.

If Makoto believes in him, she’ll believe, too. Touko is stiff around the face and shoulders, but she’s no less reassuring when Komaru squeezes her hand.

It’ll be fine, she thinks. She’s sure of it.

Makoto’s smile brightens, and Komaru can’t help but feel hopeful.

--

...that doesn’t mean she expects things to be simple.

She’s not that stupid.

“Ser—Komaeda-san,” she greets. The two of them are sitting across from each other now.

“Shit-spewer,” Touko scowls, crossing her arms and glaring. “You’re looking ruddier than last time we met. Disgusting.”

Komaeda’s cheeks darkened. He looked sheepish. To think someone like this had caused so much trouble—that was an understatement. This guy used to be major bad news.

“It’s nice to see you two doing well,” he states meekly, ducking his head. His shoulders hunch in a bit as if Komaeda wants nothing more than to curl up into a ball and disappear.

“It’s not nice!” Touko squawked. “It’s way fucking unpleasant to see your gross face out and about! And how dare you smell so clean! A-Are you mocking us?!”

“Not my intention, I swear,” he murmurs. “Is it...alright if I...?”

“We’re asking the questions!” Touko snapped and obediently, Komaeda’s mouth snapped shut.

There’s not even a whiff of defiance, and Komaru finds that she’s already relaxed.

Even if he acted up, we could easily take him.

Still, she’d rather not fight so she smiles instead.

“How are you, Komaeda-san?”

“I’m...fine.” Komaeda’s not looking at her. He seems so anxious. It’s starting to feel really weird.

“Why are you so nervous?” Touko asks outright. “W-With the shit you pulled, w...we should be the nervous ones...!”

Komaeda’s head bows. He apologizes. Komaru frowns.

Like this, he’s...so pitiful.

“Straighten up!” Touko exclaimed. “If you keep fucking bowing like that, we’re gonna start to look like bullies!”

Komaeda apologizes. He does straighten. And—

I don’t...think he’s a bad person.

“Let’s start over,” Komaru hears herself suggest. She sticks out her hand. “I’m Naegi Komaru. This is my girlfriend, Touko.”

“Fukawa,” Touko spits out with a sneer, trembling but still following her lead.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Komaru finishes sunnily. “Komaeda-san!”

Slowly, tentatively, Komaeda grips her hand with the flesh one. Even through the gloves, she can tell that it’s a little clammy and quite uncertain. But all the same, the two shake on it, and Komaeda is smiling in a way that’s not just calming, but reassuring.

“Komaru-san,” Komaeda says as he pulls back. “Fukawa-san. It’s nice to meet both of you.”

Touko groaned, rolling her eyes.

“You’re just saying that... This situation isn’t nice at all...”

“I think it’s nice!” Komaru exclaims, clapping. “Now that we’re all acquainted, let’s talk about stuff! Komaeda-san, what kind of manga do you like?”

“Ah.” Komaeda swallowed. “I prefer...novels.”

Touko snorted. “Murakami, I presume?”

“No, no.” Komaeda shook his head. “Yoshimoto-san is more to my tastes. Her works are more...welcoming, aha.”

“They also have a lot of death in them,” Touko remarked, frowning. “I see...so that’s the kind of person you like...”

“Then, you must read Touko-chan’s novels!” Komaru shouted with such force that Komaeda flinched back.

“I-I don’t want to be liked by someone like you!” Touko hissed.

“I do love your novels as well, Fukawa-san,” Komaeda said, much to her horror.

“No! I don’t w-want someone like you to like me!”

“Touko-chan’s working on a novel right now!” Komaru said, getting more excited. “It’s the best one yet! It’s about—!”

Touko screamed, tackling Komaru to the ground to cover her mouth furiously. Screeching unintelligible garble all the while. Komaru flailed and struggled, and then—a bright burst of laughter.

“N-No, no, sorry, sorry,” Komaeda wheezed, covering his own mouth and shaking. With a flushed face and sparkling eyes, such a look of joy was enough to get the girls separating and flustered.

“...there is an I-novel I finished a couple of years back,” Touko found herself grumbling. “Naegi liked it...so you’ll probably like it, too.”

“You really think so?” Komaeda asked, squeaked, almost, and his blush darkened. “I-I mean...”

“You’ll like it so much it’ll make you want to puke,” Touko was seething, now. “So—I expect you to read the whole thing! Beginning to end! Twice, even!”

“A-Ah...”

“A-And tell me your thoughts!” she demanded. “Every single one! No matter how shitty or scummy! Do it!”

“O-Okay, Fukawa-san...!”

Watching them, Komaru’s grin was wide enough to split her face.

It’ll be fine, she thinks as the two banter and bicker. I’m sure of it.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Fourteen

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

December 23rd, 1994

Emile hugged his cousin Ella as she barreled towards him, nearly sending them both sprawling flat on the ground. “You’re getting really big, Ella. Pretty soon I won’t be able to pick you up anymore!”

“Aw, no!” Ella exclaimed.

Emile laughed. “I said ‘pretty soon,’ meaning you should milk it while you can,” he said, picking Ella up and settling her on his hip.

She shrieked with laughter and Emile grinned. He enjoyed having this time to spend with his family. He wondered if he would have a family of his own some day, for a brief moment, but he put that thought out of his head. That was something to worry about in the future. For now, he could just enjoy the family he currently had.

  December 24th, 2000

Emile admittedly felt a little scummy. He had tried not to, because Remy had insisted he would be okay, but he still didn’t want to leave his friend alone in their apartment for Christmas break. Remy wasn’t going back to his parents’ place, thank goodness, because Emile wouldn’t have been able to let him go there alone in good conscience, but he refused Emile’s invitation to come home to see his parents and celebrate Christmas with them.

Still, Emile was trying to not let it get to him. Christmas was when all his extended family on his mom’s side went to his grandfather’s, meaning he’d get to see his cousins, aunts, uncles, and everyone in between! He was getting to sit on one of the couches and talk to his mom’s biological brother, and just talk about everything that had happened over the course of the last semester. “...And they tried to force him to switch his major!” Emile exclaimed. “Like, sure, if he wanted to do it himself, I would have supported him, but if his parents were making it a part of the deal for him getting their continued support? That’s a below-the-belt shot.”

“Yeah,” his uncle agreed. “It sounds really tough. I’m glad that you’re there for him.”

Emile shrugged. “I like to think he would have done this sooner or later without my help, but part of me knows that even if he tried, he wouldn’t have gotten this far. Honestly, that scares me, you know?”

“What scares you?” one of his younger cousins asked.

Emile craned his head back over the top of the couch to find Ella standing there, staring at him. “How little options my best friend had in this hypothetical situation I set up.”

“Why are you worried about your best friend in a hypothetical situation?” Ella asked.

“Because if one thing went wrong, it could have been the real situation. I get it’s in the past, but that doesn’t stop the feeling of cheating death.”

Ella squinted at him. “You’re weird, Emile.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Emile waved off. “But what I feel is what I feel. Can’t exactly help it.”

Ella shrugged and walked away, and Emile turned back to his uncle, to find himself the subject of a searching stare. “...Can I help you?” he asked.

“Cheating death is an interesting word choice. Did you cheat death?” his uncle asked.

Emile shrugged. “Some days it definitely feels like that.”

His uncle whistled. “Good thing you’re friends with this guy, Emile. You have to be the best support he could ask for.”

“Eh,” Emile said with a shrug. “A professional could probably give him more help, if only he’d willingly reach out and accept. But yeah, I’m really glad that I got to move to an apartment with him. Less loans for me, and less depression for him.”

“And you both can afford rent?” his uncle asked.

“Yeah,” Emile said. “He’s picked up a second job at a local coffee shop out there, so he’s working two barista jobs for a little extra cash. I’m starting a new job the second of January at Target, so we can both pay for rent, and I can help with food if needed.”

His uncle nodded approvingly. “Then it seems like you have everything set up,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m actually really excited,” Emile said.

“What do you think you’re going to do when you graduate?” his uncle asked. “Are you planning to continue living with your friend? Especially if he can’t afford his own place?”

“I hadn’t thought about that...” Emile said, words soft and trailing off near the end. “I guess I might, or at the very least I’d help him get a new roommate. But I wouldn’t worry about that for a while yet. After all, I’m going there for three and a half more years at least, before grad school comes around. Hopefully by that time, even if I do need to move, he’ll be more receptive to knowing people other than me.”

“That sheltered, is he?” his uncle asked.

“I don’t think that’s the right term,” Emile said. “He’s certainly been exposed to plenty of ugly things in his life. ‘Closed-off’ would probably be a better descriptor for it.”

His uncle leaned forward. “How ugly are we talking?”

“I’m not comfortable going into specifics, because I don’t have the full picture, but ugly enough,” Emile said. “He worries me a lot. Thankfully he’s safe over the course of the break, but I wish he would have hung out with some friends, or came here with me as a friend. Honestly, no one should really spend the holidays alone if they don’t want to. And I’m almost positive he doesn’t want to.”

His uncle frowned. “Did you try and insist?”

“If I had done that, he probably would have stormed out of the apartment and never returned,” Emile sighed. “So I’m stuck offering the same things over and over in the hopes that he’ll take them.”

His uncle chewed his cheek but nodded, and soon it was time for dinner. The whole family gathered around the table, enjoying the meal and each other’s company. Emile was mostly successful in keeping the attention off him and Remy with their living situation. Not that he didn’t enjoy talking about Remy, but he didn’t want his whole family scrutinizing his friend when Remy wasn’t even here to defend himself.

They all eventually finished dinner, and then it came time to open up gifts. His cousins mostly got things for their hobbies, like sketch pads and charcoal, or notebooks for writing. One of the boys, Johnny, even got a book full of science experiments to try. They went from youngest cousin to oldest, and soon enough it was Emile’s turn to open whatever he had gotten. His parents came over first, and his dad was snickering as he passed a brown package over to Emile. “This came in the mail for you the other day,” he said. “It had to be a day or two before you came home.”

Emile looked at the return address and groaned. “Remy. Of course he would send me something so I wouldn’t object to him spending money on me in person.”

He opened the package with scissors, to find something wrapped up in wrapping paper inside. He frowned, tearing into the paper. His entire face lit up when he saw what Remy got him. “Oh, it’s She-Ra episodes!” he laughed. “I don’t believe it!”

His whole family laughed, but he just held the gift close to his chest. His family had never heard Remy insult Emile’s interest in cartoons, but this meant that he was coming around to the concept of Emile liking said cartoons. He was changing, even if it only meant keeping his opinions to himself and indulging Emile in this particular field of interest. Which was huge, in Emile’s book.

After setting that gift reverently to the side, Emile opened the presents from his parents (a cartoon-themed calendar), his aunts and uncles (fuzzy socks, and a few novels he had mentioned he’d been meaning to read), and his grandfather (an age-old classic of a leather notebook), and let the adults exchange gifts while he looked around for a pen, so he could start up his new notebook.

He made a triumphant noise when he found one hiding behind the punch, forgotten with some company logo on it that Emile didn’t recognize. This was a pen that wouldn’t be missed, and he decided he may as well use it to start off his new journal. He found a small corner in his grandfather’s house where he was unlikely to be disturbed, and opened up the journal to the first page. The trick with this would be figuring out what to write. He didn’t do traditional journalling, talking about his day in a “Dear Diary” sort of fashion. But he didn’t always repeat what he had done in previous journals, provided previous journals even had a theme. Emile had been getting these from his grandfather for literal years, he knew it was coming, and yet he hadn’t figured out how he was going to fill up this journal yet.

In an instant, a solution hit him over the head. He could write imaginary letters to his friends in order to sort through his emotions, and anything else that happened to occur between whenever he last wrote through to the present. And he knew exactly who his first entry would be to:

Dear Remy,

Thank you for the She-Ra episodes, it really means a lot to me. I know you would shrug it off as not being a big deal, but it's definitely huge to me. I know you aren't a fan of cartoons, and I know that trying to keep all of my cartoon paraphernalia in my room still makes you feel weird sometimes. So you getting these for me really means a lot. I know we don't have a TV yet, or a VHS player, but knowing you, you thought about that and have something else in store for whenever I get back home.

I know you don't want me to, but I do sometimes worry about you, Rem. Like, a lot. You said you would be fine on your own for Christmas, but you did that thing where your eyes dart around the room before you look back at me, and that always happens before you lie to me. You would have been more than welcome to spend the holidays with my family. No one would have even assumed that we were a couple, provided I said off the bat that you didn't have family to celebrate Christmas with.

Still, I respect your decision. And I know not everyone would want to go to Mass at church early Christmas morning. I barely enjoy that, and the only time I do properly have fun is near the end, when I'm finally alert enough to enjoy the songs that everyone is singing.

I hope that you're having a good Christmas, though. Whether you find someone who's still in town and has nowhere to go, like you, or you volunteer somewhere because it's Christmas and you'd rather not be alone, even if that means just going to the soup kitchen, then I hope that you have a good time.

I really care about you, Remy. And I know that you'd scoff and roll your eyes if I told you as much, but I really do. And I hope, one day, you'll let me say it without you being uncomfortable. Maybe you'd even say it back.

I know you'll never see this, but take care, all right?

Emile

That done, he slid the pen in the little spot next to the back cover that had a piece of elastic made for holding pens or pencils, and sighed as he looked up and around the house. No one seemed to be looking for him, which was admittedly a little surprising. Usually he got carried up and away in his writing and he wouldn’t come back to the present for at least half an hour.

He walked back to the living room, and his dad glanced over. “You good, Emile?” he asked.

“Breaking in the new journal,” Emile said sheepishly, waving it in the air. “It needed to be done, and now at least I know what I’m going to do with it.”

His grandfather smiled approvingly and Emile smiled back. He settled onto the couch again, next to where his gifts were, and his thoughts kept drifting back to Remy. He really hoped that Remy was having a good time, whatever that entailed for him. Remy deserved to be happy. Everyone deserved to be happy, but considering all the work Remy had put in over just the past three months in trying to be a better person, Remy extra-deserved it.

I hope that you have a good Christmas, Remy, Emile sent out the silent thought. And I hope that you won’t be alone.

[like-twilight]

The Last of Us 2 thoughts eyyy longgg and spoilers

This is my opinion before hearing anybody else’s opinion about it.

I only want to discuss the story as it is the only thing I can really speak of since I didn’t play it for myself. All I can say is I wish I could’ve and I’ll always regret not being able to because I really wish that could’ve been my experience as it was with the first game that I could play myself. It’s also probably noteworthy that the first game was the first video game I’ve played in my life so I’m probably biased.

So I’ll go all over the place because why not.

The false advertisement is extremely scummy and I don’t really know what to do with it, I blame it all on the No Spoilers Culture we currently have going. I don’t think anybody would’ve watched any of the promotional stuff a better marketing team could’ve put together and said “ah you can’t see old Joel in action, I bet he dies early in the game, I won’t fucking play this”. There was plenty of buzz around the game and there was no reason whatsoever to falsely market it. That part’s bullshit and I condemn the company for this.

From the story side though, Joel dying was honestly not that huge of a surprise or shock to me. TLOU is a game that has you watch a kid die in the first section of it then does more than enough to establish itself as a game without taboos. Now whether that’s something you like or not is not important, what cannot be said about the game is that it didn’t establish itself as a game that would do this.

I also think arguments like “Joel wouldn’t go out like a bitch” are silly. The beginning told me Joel, the badass and smart survivor he is, was very quick to adjust back to a small town life with a now pretty much surrogate daughter. I’m not saying that excuses the unceremonious death but to me Joel is not a gun-blazing badass hero, not even an anti-hero. He’s just a dude. He got overpowered and then he died.

See this is where the game could never win. If you leave Joel alive and he’s in the story then it’s just a repetition of the first game. If you leave him alive but he’s not in the game much then you underutilise him and people miss him. Also if you leave him alive then people will just say you’re a little bitch because it’s fanservice that Joel is technically invincible because he’s the face of the game. But if he dies, people riot. The creators couldn’t win either way and so I’m glad they made up their mind and stuck to it. It’s also very useful to get people talking.

Before I tie that into the rest of the story, I also have to mention that one of the few things I heard about the game was the expression “torture porn” and maybe I’m just desansitised but I didn’t feel like it was that overwhelming or unjustified. I didn’t watch too much of the promotional material but I saw what I think was the gameplay reveal where the devs said in this game enemies would call each other by name when you kill someone or they find someone dead. And I think that’s a neat detail but I think it also has a lot to do with what the game is... about.

That the hundreds of faceless people you slaughter during the game all have a video game or more worth of story behind them. They are people with their own twenty plus years of survival in a world gone to hell whose story ends the way Joel’s did. By meeting a person who just... wins the fight over them.

So that the deaths are really personal and intimate in that way feels justified. You also have this crazy technology that allows them to animate people very realistically. This is the last big game for the PS4 and they really just brought the technology to its limits, I feel. For them to then say “oh a sledgehammer to the face doesn’t look that bad” or “we just won’t add more types of weapons and have one type of death animation just cause we don’t want to overdo it” is just. It’s not gonna happen.

I never felt like those were glorified, I think they all added to that feeling that bubbled to the surface towards the end of Ellie’s first stretch of the story where I just couldn’t stop shaking my head, going Ellie... Ellie, what are you doing, look at yourself... look at what you’re doing. So to me that wasn’t really an issue.

I can imagine some people, maybe even most people would play the first stretch of the game in revenge mode. You know, let’s get this bitch. But in the same time, I also couldn’t really deny that Abby was like... kinda right to want revenge. I’m not saying I’m glad she killed Joel I’m just saying she had a reason to. (On that sidenote, Abby being that surgeon’s daughter did nothing to enhance this feeling. I could’ve imagined Abby in a settlement much like Jacksonville where they’re all hopeful because they found a surgeon who’s leading research about the cordyceps, maybe he’s a super good leader, inspires the Fireflies to keep up their spirits, all that. Maybe Abby’s group could’ve been his super close-knit group of soldiers taking care of him and running errands for him, even then the rage would’ve been justified.

I get they wanted to draw the parallel between Joel-Ellie, surgeon-Abby, dad-daughter relationships but that added nothing to the story for me. It didn’t take anything away either, I just kinda rolled my eyes like okay, whatever.)

So when Ellie was on her revenge quest, I liked that she and Dina were in Tommy’s footsteps, I thought that was a nice touch and kinda foreshadowed another section of the story where we would meet up with Tommy eventually. 

Now, Dina and Jesse, I found nothing wrong with Dina or her being pregnant (except that it reminded me of Aniara and I hate that movie with my whole being). I thought it was a good enough source of conflict and I really liked Jesse being around. When he shows up and they’re just saying they’ll get Tommy and then get the fuck outta there you can already tell Ellie is obsessed but you’re still holding out hope that Dina will be enough to get her mind off of it but she’s just too far gone.

So the shift to Abby and the scars.

Jacksepticeye said it while he was playing that Abby’s part should’ve been like a DLC or something but I honestly don’t agree. I mean I don’t disagree but I think it worked the way it was. I definitely think most problems people have with this switch that doesn’t stem from the fact that people disliked Abby or that they can’t admit to themselves that they were caught off guard by the changed narrative style, could’ve been solved with different pacing. Now I don’t know if they would’ve had to constantly switch between Ellie and Abby for it to work or figure some other way out because I’m no expert but still. 

I liked the beginning when it switched to Abby, the whole atmosphere was so eerie like you could tell they were on a collision course and it was going to get ugly. Maybe something like that could’ve worked but it could’ve just been either too suspenseful and tense the whole way through that it draws the attention from the gameplay or it would’ve been even more on the nose than it already was with the parallels between Abby’s group and Ellie’s group.

Now I honestly really liked that Abby’s story was so different because when she returns to the stadium, the part of her story that involved Joel is over. She got her revenge then she goes on with her life. She had a life before Joel entered it, she has one after she killed him. And it just so happens to be a good opportunity for the game to showcase some of the shit that goes on outside of what we’ve known so far and what Ellie knows.

I didn’t mind the religious aspect, I think it makes sense, like enough time passed since the apocalypse that the then grown up generation is distant enough from their old lives, and the generations after them are growing up in the ruins of the old society, that a messiah figure like that lady could emerge. That it just had to be transphobic and shit sucks of course and I do understand the frustration with it. I can imagine better writers coming up with a way to make the Scars despicable without them having our current society’s problems. They could still have the trans and the Asian characters still of course, but without them having to face the struggles trans characters do in our current world.

So that Abby only realises Ellie’s just one step behind her when she still has the climax of her individual story to get through was just. To me it worked so well. Like here we play as Ellie for half the game, this girl is consumed with rage and then Abby’s just fucking off and doing something entirely different because that’s... how little... it affected her. Or at least she personally got her closure and is ready to move on.

I personally liked the conflicts she had in her group, it was believable, it felt reasonable for the kind of life they lived. Of course we already spent one full game with Ellie so Abby was never going to catch up, but if you’re thinking like me then by less than half of Abby’s story you already don’t want Ellie to kill her.

The confrontation in the theatre was messy but since it’s not the end of the story I sort of don’t mind. I know some people don’t like how Jesse died or how little time we have to process certain deaths and story beats and of course it can just be bad pacing but that was again something that to me just brought the player’s world on the same level as an NPC’s world. That for one enhanced the experience for me.

Okay. Let’s talk about the last part that starts with Dina almost dying at Abby’s hands, especially after she says “good” when Ellie tells her she’s pregnant. Of course there’s the callback to dead Mel. But I liked that Lev was there and his presence sort of switched Abby’s role. Up to that point Abby had been Ellie. But then when she has Lev, and she acknowledges him as “her people”, she becomes Joel. And then she becomes a better version of him. Or at least a version of Joel that has mercy.

And you’d think being this close to losing Dina is where Ellie would snap back to it. And she does, for a while.

Here’s when I admit the pacing definitely needed some work regardless of anything. Up until that point we go through three days, albeit twice, but three days. Then suddenly we’re nine plus months later and the setting is different and we don’t get enough time here before Tommy shows up with the end of the story...rope... we got cut in half in the theatre.

I’ll take some time here to genuinely express my what the fuck at Tommy here.

My memory is a little fuzzy here but wasn’t Tommy on board with returning to Jacksonville when they return to the theatre? I actually just checked, Tommy says “they got what they deserved” to which Ellie says “but she (Abby) gets to live” and Tommy says “yeah”. And then when he visits Ellie and Dina suddenly he’s a dick about it saying Ellie made a promise? Is that something that was supposed to happen off-screen or a plot hole? Did that conversation in the theatre have more versions they went through and the wrong reaction got included? Maybe I just didn’t pay enough attention but it felt out of the blue for me and I can safely say that’s the character moment I’m disappointed in the most, especially because we never see Tommy again.

One could argue that the choppiness of time is supposed to symbolise the dissociation and out-of-body experience you can have when you’re living with trauma but I truly just have it down to bad pacing here. I get that they wanted to show the baby but I truly believe with enough polishing they could’ve come up with a scenario that works better and flows better.

I truly could’ve had Ellie maybe leave with Dina and Tommy and then have her turn back before they leave Seattle and then they have the conversation with Dina and then Ellie starts tracking Abby. Here we could’ve had more of what was in the beginning of the story, sort of switching between the two, maybe slightly altered gameplay, etc. Even though the last level as Ellie was really cool and once again I liked how we just barely got a glimpse of how other people live, you know. Those prisoners in those cells have a hell of a 25 years behind them and being freed by this stranger might be the best thing that will have ever happened to them, but to Ellie they’re just a background noise to her mission.

I truly liked those parts.

I could imagine Ellie being kidnapped similarly to Abby but they are treated differently and somehow still end up escaping together, maybe even helping each other the way Ellie almost did with cutting Abby down and letting her get Lev to the boat. And then you’d have Ellie still be consumed by her rage.

The whole time I wanted her so much to just scream everything at Abby. Because look, life for these people is a whole ass trauma. Some people like Dina might handle it differently, or it’s easier with a community around you, but Ellie’s life has been very strange, with her immunity, with the realisation that Joel killed and lied for her, all that. She would need a fucking good therapist. I wanted that catharsis, for her to scream at Abby, to sob until she can’t even breathe, for Abby to do the same, except she realises she got her closure while Ellie never did, and then maybe for Abby to give some sort of... forgiveness to Ellie. For her life not having meant anything in the end.

I don’t know, I wanted that for her.

If there never is a last fight, if Ellie never so much as punches Abby, that would’ve been fine for me.

Two more things that I liked were that Ellie actually started down a path of forgiveness before Joel died. You know, when we see the scene where Ellie tells Joel off you’re like “oh that’s the last thing she said to him, no wonder she feels so guilty” and then you realise, oh no wait, they were actually eventually going to be alright. They just never got the time. To me that hit so much, that was a good scene.

The other thing I liked is Dina leaving. Once again this could’ve been something like, Ellie goes back to Jacksonville and there they tell her Dina left or sum shit idk how that could’ve worked, I’m just saying that losing that farm life didn’t really make me feel anything because we didn’t get the time to grow attached to it.

So Dina leaves, and suddenly you’re back in the room with Sam in the first game when this bitten boy asks Ellie what she’s most afraid of, and she says she’s scared of ending up alone. And this immune girl Joel killed and lied and died for, eventually ends up alone.

So I understand that a lot of TLOU’s fanbase that belongs to a marginalised group, especially those part of the LGBT+ community would be hurt by this ending. By this interpretation. The LGBT+ community, as far as I know, at least a huge part of it, seeks to heal. We use fiction as escapism in a way people who don’t know, who can’t know our struggles will never be able to sympathise with. And as such, we as a community in a large part, have moved on from stories of pain. Not necessarily in that we turn a blind eye on it or anything, but I think it’s a mostly universally agreed thing that after so much suffering we’re ready to see ourselves, and people like us end up happy. And as such the demand from this community towards creators have shifted to not necessarily fully happy endings, but some sort of relief. And as such, this ending is cruel.

It is heartbreaking. My heart breaks for Ellie because I can practically feel the weight in my chest that she carries around when she walks away. She lost everything and she never got the closure. She never got that relief and neither did we.

Once again, if you personally have a problem with this ending and it ruined the game for you, I understand it completely. That’s your own experience with the story, and even though I feel much of the same things, I’m once again left here thinking this is the way the creators wanted to do this and that they did it like this makes sense. It makes sense for the story, the characters, it just does. If it had happened differently in a way that also makes sense, I would not think “oh this should’ve had a heartbreaking ending, this is bullshit” but I do think the ending makes sense.

Overall, I’m pretty much pleased with most everything, except fuck false advertising, fuck Tommy, and fuck uhhh, I’m pretty sure I mentioned something else too. Oh yeah, pacing. Jack actually offered a really great alternative to the beginning, where the museum scene of Ellie’s birthday should’ve been the first scene, and then you could’ve had Ellie wake up four years later at the end of the countdown. That Joel told Tommy about the hospital could’ve been implied through dialogue and interactions.

I also don’t think Joseph Anderson’s theory is hurt by this, he said personal decisions and morality aside, the Fireflies were fucking idiots and they couldn’t have come up with a cure even if they had given Ellie the chance to say yes, because of how unprofessional they’d been and how much they rushed into the surgery. Just because Abby’s dad was a good dude and a good surgeon doesn’t mean shit when you’re dealing with something you’ve not seen before, such as Ellie’s immunity. And I think knowing that wouldn’t have mattered to Ellie either to change her mind about forgiving Joel. And this is what I’ve always said. Like the Fireflies or not, believe in them or not, taking a choice like this away from Ellie because you can’t stand losing your daughter again (and that is why Joel kills the Fireflies, not because he shares Joseph’s opinion) is objectively wrong and borders on the same obsession we see consume Ellie. Joel is just as unhinged by that point as Ellie is, he’s just more... mature about it, I guess.

That could’ve been even more painful, sort of, to not have Abby be the surgeon’s daughter but just for her and her group believe in this doctor that might just be talking out of his ass so much that them avenging his death sets off this terrible cycle of vengeance. I think that could’Ve been very “gritty” and shit, that would’ve hurt because it’s even more pointless. People killing over lost hope.

So, pacing, Tommy, false advertising, bad points, everything else, yeah alright. 7/10 sounds good to me. I will play this one day >)

[livin-in-mementos]

After Some Time (...and a break or two)

Ugh... okay, its here. The big one. Let me preface this by saying I wont be doing a count by count story of what happened, it’s too many hour and headaches that I don’t need to be fair. But I said I’d get to it... and boy howdy has it been swirling in my head since.

The Slazo Situation Revisited

 So small backstory for those who haven’t boarded this crazy train of bullshit and migraines, this story is about a fairly large commentary youtuber by the name of Slazo (Or Micheal) who was caught in a controversy when his ‘Ex-Girlfriend’ exposed him in a Twitlonger for being a manipulative, sexual harasser. DM’s and screenshots of chat logs were shown and it made Slazo look pretty scummy. A few days later Slazo releases his defence video outlining the parts that were true and a lot of points that were fabricated to make him look evil in the eyes of the internet, with added proof and conveniently missing parts of his exes proof that would have exonerated him on the spot in the eyes of the internet courtroom. For opinions sake, yes I do think Slazo is innocent of the more damning accusations that were put against him, no I do not think he was 100% innocent. Of what he was guilty of? maybe being a pretty shitty boyfriend.... though at the age of 15-16... its slap on the back of the head material... not cancellation worthy.

Slazo was pretty much cleared of it all and everybody went on with their day... heck it shouldn’t even be called the Slazo situation, because while his name was brought up a lot, he wasn’t really all that key to what happened next... 

Commentary youtubers from all corners of the internet had an opinion on what Slazo had done and how guilty he was (again, I will not be doing a play by play of every accusation) which boiled down to two camps

1. “Slazo is guilty and here is why... Oh and have a bunch of off-cuff situations I witnessed where Slazo was really creepy that I only just now remember and want to bring up.”

2. “Lotta commentary youtubers being liars, snakes or hypocrites up in here.”

Which in turn brought two youtubers under the microscope themselves, ImAlexx and Hyojin.

Alex first as it’s easier and is the least weird of the two. Alex jumped on the Slazo hate bandwagon pretty quickly and started accusing Slazo of a bunch of things that couldn’t easily be proven, while also completely backing up the story that Chey (the ex) has given in her Twitlonger, despite the fact it had been blown open with so many holes that not even a brain dead goldfish could find logic in it. Alex would later admit he had a part in writing the Twitlonger, as did many other prominent commentary youtubers and friends,outing the Twitlonger as more of a team effort rather than just Chey writing it herself.

After this Alex was accused of a bunch of stuff himself including being a social climber to get more popular since he was a pretty good friend to Slazo before all of this happened, as well as a snake since he supported Chey and the Twitlonger until it was criticised as untrue.... and Alex said the same to cover for himself.

To this day there hasn’t been a clear end point to this, Alex has tried to brush away from it all and has taken the bumps of being called controversial, hoping for it to all die down eventually. (While writing this Alex appeared on the Happy Hour Podcast to give a rundown of the situation to the hosts who admitted they knew nothing of the situation. What’s worse Alex seems to have glazed over many of his own wrongdoings that only escalated the drama further.) Opinion? To be honest, I don’t know... Alex obviously tried to ride the controversy to boost himself, that much is sure, yet when it came back to bite him he tried to hide and wait for it to blow over. It’s sad, It IS snakeworthy and since a proper apology hasn’t been issued... it’s not a good look for him at all.

Hyojin to me was the worst of the two to me. While she didn’t say as much publicly, it was was was happening behind the scenes that just frustrated me.

(Be aware, if you like Hyojin and think she can do no wrong, DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT. A lot of hot-takes will be thrown out there and a lot of criticism will be put out there too. I WILL be talking about the aftermath at length which is where the support poured in for Hyojin. I will being ripping that apart just as much, if not more for the bullshit that it was.)

Hyojin sucks, and I mean she really sucks. A lot of what was thrown out about Slazo in the Twitlonger allegedly was orchestrated and was the idea of Hyojin herself, taking what Chey was saying and embellishing it with the rest of their friend group. It’s alleged however and won’t be part of the criticism thrown at her.

While the incident was being investigated, Hyojin was too, including her colourful hot takes on Slazo and how creepy he was. Hyojin would never publicly call out Slazo since at the time, anybody who did was getting rinsed by the internet very quickly. So instead she hid on her discord and talked in DM’s about destroying Slazo’s career so he would never recover and deleting messages that challenged how Chey publicly omitted any evidence that made Slazo look like less of a monster. Shady.

During the internet investigations, it was discovered that Hyojin had an old art Twitter where her fictional character was drawn fucking her friends in several positions. The problem was, several of these friends were underage and despite her defence that none of these friends minded.... it was still there for public viewing as was still wrong. One instance even had another youtuber by the name of Kavos in one of these pictures even though he was never asked, nor gave his permission. The irony of all this being that much of what Hyojin criticised Slazo for, she was guilty of herself. Creepy.

Here’s where it gets controversial... probably more for me. Dog dropping rumours aside. (trust me, it was stupid)

Hyojin was getting major flak for everything that was found out about her and it seemed to get too much for her, which is understandable. Her response to all of this was a tweet telling everyone she was going to kill herself. The public response actually became something that confused me, because in the blink of an eye everyone retracted their criticisms and gave out well wishes instead. To make the trend even more sympathetic the youtubers involved in writing the Twitlonger started urging people to give her space and lay off on the nasty comments.

I for one, did not care. Heartless of me? Maybe. But it was all backed up by reasoning. Here was a girl ready to throw the life of a person under the bus for being a slightly shitty boyfriend and lying to make it sound worse. Helping to write up a statement that grossly exaggerated things to such a degree that Slazo was the most hated person on the internet and was blasted by everyone left, right and centre. After he proved to everyone he wasn’t like that, the attention turned on Chey and the friends that helped her and when their dirty laundry was put out there and they were being criticised.... now it was unacceptable? Now it was too much?

YOU TRIED TO OUT A GUY FOR BEING A SEX PEST! Shit that will follow him for life. But people calling out racist remarks you made? the underage porn you had drawn? The toxic behaviour you exhibited to anyone who questioned you?

....yeah that was too much and the line had to be drawn right?

But hey, it’s okay, you can just back to twitter the second the drama blows over and everything is all good now right?

Now this is where I direct it to the people who think that Hyojin is infallible, that she can do no wrong. She messed up bad, real bad. If anything she’s the true villain behind all of this and it’s shocking the lengths people were going to just to defend her. If every racist, abuser or sex pest threatened their life to be let off, this world would be screwed, but the second a darling Tumblr artist with links to popular youtubers does it, it’s a crime to list the irony that she attempted to cancel a guy with far worse repercussions that would lead to life long damage.

The worst part of all of this was that an apology would have cleared all of this. They knew they were wrong but an apology was impossible for them, so instead it’s made bigger, uglier and dirty laundry is shown. If anything, I’m happy it got to where it did since it showed the ugly side of Hyojin for everyone to see. So my opinion of Hyojin?

Fuck Hyojin.

[sysig]

My Case Against 1-5

aka Why Miles Edgeworth is the most important character in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (and it’s not just because he’s my favourite I swear)

*spoilers for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney cases 1-1 through 1-5! *also opinions

Miles Edgeworth has the strongest character arc in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and using a backfilled case to undermine his character growth not only reduces his impact as a character but delegitimizes the entirety of the first game’s central plot progression. In this essay I will

Miles Edgeworth’s character arc is the strongest of the entire cast in PWAA. His maturation and closure from case 1-2 to 1-4 are the heart of the whole plot of the first game, showing his progression from cold and clever to vulnerable, and willing to listen even to his opponents. This progression is very important to the player’s attitude towards him, as well as his worth as a character, as if he were to always be one way, either cold and clever or vulnerable and more open-minded, he would be rendered a flat character. Not to mention, case 1-4 is arguably the most important case in the game, being the original climax, as well as finally showing all the events of the DL-6 case and Edgeworth’s childhood, furthering his characterization and lending more depth to him, Phoenix, and Larry. Having the events play out as they do, with accusations and uncovering a past that was repressed and hidden, to slimy dealings with the prosecution and blame pinned everywhere, at least Edgeworth didn’t do what everyone, even himself, had been convinced of. But wait, isn’t that a little familiar? Isn’t that very similar to the kind of thing Edgeworth has been accused of, and how Rise from the Ashes plays out? The finger is pointed at Edgeworth, not for murder perhaps, but incriminating nonetheless, and while the past doesn’t reach back as far, it still throws so much into question, the biggest one being: Did Edgeworth use unscrupulous methods, no matter to how willing he was to do so, to win his cases? This case says, well, yes, Edgeworth unwittingly used forged evidence and lays out how he did such a thing, but in the end paints him as having been a pawn for a power he had no control over, an unintentional offender. Do I believe that though? No way! Who was there in the first case against him when he intentionally went out of his way to tamper with a witness’ testimony! Who was there as he covered up for a real-life murderer and let me take the blame! Who was there while he twisted the truth to better suit his four year career as a prosecutor, or two if 1-5 is to be believed? It was me, I saw it all, I bear witness to Edgeworth being unlawful, intentionally, on purpose, knowingly! And you know what? That’s great. It strengthens his characterization more effectively than case 1-5 could ever hope to. Why? Well, in this essay I will...!

Cases 1-2 through 1-4 perfectly set up and foreshadow reopening and solving the DL-6 case; the new cast is small, the old cast is well-established, some evidence is even brought up again, and everything is very tightly written. 

1-2 introduces Edgeworth and all his scummy back alley ways of dealing with unfortunate-for-him evidence and testimony, giving us, the player, reason to dislike him beyond just Being Bad - he’s actively making this case more difficult for us, and has us framed for murder! That bastard! His loss throws him into question, as it did for his mentor and adoptive father, von Karma, but unlike von Karma, Edgeworth’s heart was not hardened past the point of no return. This is reflected best in 1-3

1-3 starts with Edgeworth still gunning to win and making our lives more difficult, with Gumshoe still being on his side and making gathering evidence harder, which leads back to the impression of Edgeworth - if Gumshoe and Edgeworth are working together, and it’s making this case more difficult, it comes back to thinking Edgeworth is a bastard who’s just there to get in the way. But then he underhandedly helps you - refuses to object, presses witnesses, even the Judge seems skeptical of his position as prosecutor! He’s starting to shift, to change, to become more interested in the truth rather than keeping his winning streak alive

Finally 1-4 is where it all comes together. You see his mentor, his father figure, who trained Edgeworth to be just like him, to be unscrupulous and cold and always make sure to get the defendant declared guilty - von Karma. And wouldn’t you know it, Edgeworth of all people is now the one in the defendant’s chair, framed for murder and unwilling to talk, believing not only that von Karma can have him declared guilty, but that his is guilty. Protecting Phoenix from the truth that he’s been wrestling with for fifteen years, until it finally comes to a head - 

Edgeworth is not a murderer, but he’s also not innocent. Not necessarily in 1-4, he’s declared Not Guilty, but in his life, he has done underhanded deeds and dirty dealings. He’s manipulative, cold, refuses help and refutes compelling arguments if they might be inconvenient for him. But he changes, before it’s too late. He becomes vulnerable, is willing to change, to listen, to admit defeat. If he ever got caught he’d surely go to jail, and in 1-2 I’d be tempted to say he got what was coming to him! But he’s not static. He’s dynamic. He learns, he grows, he becomes a better person. And he hates it, he feels so uncomfortable changing that part of himself, those “Unnecessary feelings.” But Phoenix was right - they are necessary, and they prove that Edgeworth has changed. You want evidence? He gives it to you himself, with his uncomfortable expressions and his stopped nightmares. He refuses to become the monster that raised him, stops beating himself up for something he never did, and admits the greatest defeat - he stops prosecuting. Not because he was found for forging evidence but rather because he was saved from anyone finding out now that he’d turned that page. Phoenix Wright saved him from callout culture.

So other than the obvious things about case 1-5, like the occasional typo (not great in a detail-driven story but nobody’s perfect) and some of the more particular puzzles (looking at you unstable jar), Rise from the Ashes has some more egregious problems, least of all being pacing and tone, and most of all being ruining continuity and the heart of the first four cases.

How it lifts from 1-4 aka Edgeworth’s sordid past & statute of limitations on opening a case (and repressed memories)

It’s cast number and amount of evidence as a climax vs. 1-3 & 1-4 (how 1-3 was a murder unrelated to any of the previously established characters and had a decently large cast but not /so/ large as to be confusing) and (1-4 as a climax works the smoothest because of the foreshadowing of the DL-6 since 1-2 and only introducing a few new characters to keep the characterization tight) plus (refusing to get rid of superfluous evidence despite having already done that in earlier cases)

Lack of/contradicting established continuity and canon (Edgeworth being Lana’s understudy, neglecting mention of von Karma except at the very end and only once; the Blue Badger being made “This year” i.e. 2017 when the plush already existed at least as far back as 2016, if not earlier; Rumours about Edgeworth forging evidence/any other back alley deals being thrown around when even he himself didn’t know about the forged evidence but did know about tampering with testimonies because he did those himself in case 1-2; bringing up Miranda Rights, evidence law, etc., when neither of them had been important to the plot before (internal continuity rather than real-world application)

It’s a badly written mystery (the way it pushes off the initial murder to the very end to make it seem like an afterthought, the way it intentionally redirects the chain of events many times (something like four times?), its “options” only leading to yes or no which really end up with either one or the other with just a strike (!) taken off (i.e. not clever writing); it just seems like it’s a gaslighty mess)

The Good (because there are good things, both objectively and subjectively)

Gant (his design, his theme, the idea he represents (being corruption in the police, blackmail & lies to achieve an end; well established just not well executed, especially taking pieces of evidence, one of which he planted, and intentionally hiding it from Lana instead of further implicating Ema i.e. Lana should’ve been aware of those pieces of ‘’evidence’’ so that it would seem even more like Ema would be implicated if they were real)

The screwdriver reveal (divorced from the context of everything else in the case, the image of Edgeworth truly being used to transport a corpse unwittingly is very well done. It’s in-character, well-revealed, and an interesting concept, especially towards Edgeworth, because of his baggage)

The question raised of corruption in the police force, and foils of Starr and Lana to Gumshoe and Edgeworth

The Bad (objectively bad things like pacing, logical jumpscares (edges toward subjective), hand-holding (like flashbacks to things that happened literally just before the last save), arguably tone shift)

Having this case be both an introduction to new gameplay elements, and the climax of the game i.e., the hardest level (the way things are introduced doesn’t mesh well with having to have the most difficult plot line/convoluted story/etc., because there’s no time to gradually tutorialize these elements without killing the pacing of the case, which it does anyway. It does both things wrong, amazing!)

The Ugly (subjective things, plot progression around and in relation to Edgeworth my favourite charater, sense of humour, using Ema as a replacement for Maya, introducing such a large cast with no foreshadowing (because they couldn’t help it is not an excuse - if you can’t write your plot and have it weave naturally into the pre-established story, maybe you should do a rewrite)

Edgeworth is not a static character and you’d know that if you played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. His characterization and character arc are the strongest of any other character in the game and writing as though he never did anything unscrupulous undoes the entirety of 1-2 through 1-4

Admittedly, this is neither a good nor a bad, it just is - Darke was convicted of a murder that he did not commit, and was put to death for murders that were never proven. Darke could be Not Guilty for all we, the player, know, and I think that’s maybe the most interesting thing in this case. Too bad it was sidelined for the rest of it

Backfilling as an art is something I’m very familiar with, and if I may toot my own horn, am fairly decent at. You see it all the time with fanfiction and other fanworks, backfilling is a very popular way of making sense or just filling in the time between canon events - fun speculative fiction for fiction. This case is one of the worst examples of backfilling I’ve ever seen. It explains nothing that wasn’t already established, it actively ignores canon, it introduces a dozen new characters that were previously unmentioned and makes them integral to the plots of the established characters, etc., etc. It makes it difficult to want to get to know them when they fall into the conventions of unskilled writers, no matter how earnest

[dumbhoe411]

I call this: I’m not relevant or knowledgeable enough to make posts but I just want everyone to treat each other with kindness

I’ve had to rewrite this because I accidentally deleted the first one... it’s probably for the best I got a little emotional.

Anywho I’m going to start this by saying I am in no way talking down on anyone I know people express themselves differently and A post like this can make it seem like I believe more highly of myself than others but I don’t, I’ve been that person who is a cynical asshole who makes everyone around them feel utterly miserable but I’ve learnt through people that I’ve met and things that I’ve seen that life is better when you’re kinder and happier and look for the best in situations. I’ve learnt from Harry himself a phrase that I’ll live by for the rest of my life, a phrase that has bettered my life overall and made me into a person that I’m happy with and I love myself a lot more than I used to. I’m only 18 and I have a lot to learn and experience but for now I’m content with myself.

This last week has really shown me an ugly side to people that Im honestly shocked by. It started with some things I saw on twitter regarding the Dolan twins fathers death, im not super into the Dolan twins I know who they are but I don’t watch their videos, however this is still utterly disturbing to me and it should be for any sane person. There were people who were making fun of it to promote their favourite kpop bands and that just left me feeling horrible and sad. Then came those people who were trying to attend the funeral itself like it was some opportunity to meet their idols and those people didn’t even see anything wrong with what they were doing. Disgusting.

Then came the babygate drama that we all know so well and we’re all sick of, I personally don’t beleive babygate I think it’s horrible and the people who think that babygate is best case scenario need to rethink their morals. It’s a horrible theory that, if it were real, has ruined so many people’s lives including the child itself. If babygate were real I most likely would stop actively supporting louis and his career because it’s such a scummy thing to do and be a part of. Just because you don’t like the idea of louis or Harry being with other people doesn’t mean you have to scare off every single person they get close to, it’s their business let them live. People would rather believe that louis’ own biological father is the actual father (yes this is something someone said) than believe that louis just got high, forgot to wrap it and trap it, and as a result accidentally conceived a child, this is someone that happens so often it’s not unheard but what is unheard of is a celebrity faking their own child for 3 years who coincidentally looks exactly like him. It really shows that people don’t tend to practice what they preach, there are people on this site who have “treat people with kindness” in their bio’s but as soon as someone disagrees with them they start throwing insults left right and centre. Recently there was someone with an apauling attitude I’m sure you all saw, they are a huge advocate for babygate and have made so many rediculous theories, which I don’t have a problem with we all make our own theories everything that has ever been said about Larry has been purely theories, but when you bring in the people in Harry and louis’ lives like their families and just insult them like you know more than they do, the people who actually know louis in real life and know his life, that’s when it becomes a problem. When you treat your theories like they are 100% the truth that’s when I have a problem, and then justifying your behaviour by saying it’s all public information that is already out there on the internet. That doesnt change the fact that it’s still rude and disrespect. Your maturity really shows when you counter and argument or criticism by insulting the person who criticised you and then turn the argument into them. I sent them a little message in hopes that they would read it and reflect on it and show some empathy or at the very least think about what I said. (However I recently found out they just blocked me and didn’t read it at all.) I’m going to post what I said here and kind of direct it in general to people who don’t see a problem with some of the gross things they post and people who chose to actively insult others online.

People sometimes forget that Harry and louis are real people. Some people treat them like they are characters in a movie who don’t have real feelings or real families, friends and loved ones. Larry to me is about celebrating a special love that is greater than any other, the fact that something that’s all about love has created some of the most hateful people is disappointing. I just wish that in the future we can realise that not everyone is going to have the same opinions but that is no reason to insult someone. I also hope that people start to actually treat people with kindness and practice what they preach. Sometimes people don’t meet people who can impact their life and bring out their best qualities but people in the 1d fandom don’t have that excuse, Harry styles is a wonderful role model who has pretty much shaped me as a person. He preaches and practices kindness and people admire and respect him for it and I hope that someone reads this one day and this can change them.

I’m aware that this is quite a pathetic thing to address, I’m an 18 year old who loves 1d an alarming amount and who is currently spending her free time (which is a lot as I’ve just finished school) talking about a relationship that may or may not be real and ranting about how gross the internet can be, but I just want everyone to see that kindness is a virtue, it’s something that people admire and find desirable in other people. So to the 4 people who may see this please, please please be kind and gentle with one another everyone deserves kindness. Treat people how you want to be treated and love one another. All the love - dumbhoe ✌️

[fallout-4-freak]

I noticed you didn't write anything sad yet. Let me change that. >:) Reactions when the companions realize that Sarcastic Jerk Sole (taking the sarcastic option whenever it is available) is actually the result of A) watching their spouse murdered while helpless, B) losing their only child, C) Watching their world literally burn down around them, and D) Everything else the wasteland does to someone, especially someone like sole.

Yikes, sorry this took awhile to get to! It’s been awhile since I wrote something remotely angsty, so it was difficult.

Ada:

”I don’t really know how to say this, but… I think we need to talk about something.”

She feels awkward bringing this issue up to Sole. Yes, they lost their spouse… and woke up centuries later… and had their home torn apart… and had their son stolen… Ada understands to some extent, having experienced the loss of her own family. She’d hoped her first assessments of Sole’s obnoxiously rude personality were incorrect, but it seems like this is indeed the real Sole. If anything, it got worse the more they saw out in the Wasteland.Ada will miss their company, but there’s absolutely no way she’ll stay with someone so genuinely horrible. Grief flows through her circuits once more: she’d hoped she found a hidden gem of a person to travel with, one who was just a bit shaken up or something.

Cait:

”Good God Sole, even I’m not so rude! Get your shite together!”

Even her levels of assholery had a limit. In the beginning, Sole’s sarcasm and cruel tongue were hypnotic, inspiring even. Cait loved teaming up with Sole on just because of that! But it was getting old, Sole was just so violent and rude to everyone. Cait eventually realizes that what had happened to Sole— their spouse dying, child getting kidnapped, and waking up 210 years later— was a bit too much for them. They were fundamentally broken. She understands where Sole is coming from, of course. Her parents and home life made her into something similar. But Sole… Sole was just a bit too far gone in this regard… Cait is torn between leaving for her own health, and slapping some sense into Sole. She’ll probably slap Sole and then leave.

Codsworth:

”Ah, sir/mum/xir? We need to have a talk….”

He’s heartbroken that the Commonwealth had ruined Sole. From the moment they reunited, Codsworth knew something was wrong. The murder, the kidnapping, the time lost. All of it was enough to make them snap. He dared to hope that Sole would bounce back to their normal self, and he tried to make things right with whoever Sole harasses. But given time and travel, Codsworth begins to worry that Sole has been absolutely trashed by the appalling Wasteland. He’ll continue to hope for their recovery, but he might not be able to serve Sole much longer...At least until the day they recover... if it ever comes.

Curie:

”Excuse me, but I think we must discuss something rather… important.”

She’s trembling head to toe when she confronts Sole about their absolutely dreadful behavior. She knows that Sole has had a rough life, so she gave them time to recover. But Sole only ever got worse, got more rude and unpleasant. Curie had grown to tolerate them, but she hated how badly they treated people who really didn’t deserve it. She wanted to help people, not senselessly hurt them!

There’s no way she will ever travel with someone who just wants to hurt, who does no good in the world… even if she does care for Sole, in spite of their flaws. It’s painful to leave their company, but it’s for the best.

Danse:

”Soldier, allow me to phrase this delicately: either shape up, or ship out.”

He wasn’t keen on giving Sole a chance from the get-go. He did think that joining the BoS would help temper their appallingly sarcastic self, but oh boy, he was wrong. Sole seemed to get more angry by the day— Danse understands that they’ve suffered a lot, but goodness. If Sole doesn’t change their attitude and actions real soon, he’s going to have more than a few harsh words for them. And he’d probably let Elder Maxson know that their new, promising recruit is a scumbag. Sure, their firepower was welcome, but at what cost?

Deacon:

”Woah boss, maybe you could bring the hate-o-meter down a couple notches?”

He hardly believes that THIS is the true Sole. They’re so full of anger and hate, always overly sarcastic. Yeah, Deacon did like sarcasm. Guilty as charged. But boy, Sole was way too horrible to nice folks who don’t need that bullshit. He tries to talk to them repeatedly, even telling Sole about his own losses in life. If they don’t feel alone in their struggles, maybe that’d help?

Wrong. Sole just retorts that Barbara deserved what she got, hanging around with such a lying brat. With that, Deacon leaves in a huff. Yeah, he’s never working with Sole again. Fuck that.

Dogmeat:

Isn’t too bothered, as he doesn’t know what Sole is saying. He can tell other people aren’t too happy with them, though! Dogmeat tries to comfort Sole, giving them plenty of attention. As long as Sole treats him well, he’ll gladly stay with them…

Hancock:

”Listen up, ���sunshine’. I’m only gonna tell you once…”

Being quite a sarcastic guy, he understands Sole well. At first, he even admired their wit and sharp tongue! But once he realized that Sole offends and hurts everyone who crosses their path, and that’s all Sole has to offer…. He’s out. After a failed talk to correct their behavior, of course, he did try. 

Not everyone on the receiving end of their strong words deserved it. Hell, most didn’t! And there was no way Hancock was gonna be around someone so toxic and mean— even if they had a tragic past. 

No excuses for such shitty behavior, especially when it just gets worse each and every damn day.

Longfellow:

”Can you please, for the love of all sweet and good things, shut your yapper!?”

Longfellow doesn’t mind Sole’s behavior initially. He’s a bit gruff himself, after all. He just thought he’d found a kindred spirit. Regardless, it eventually hits him just how rude Sole actually is. Yeah, they had a sucky past. So does everyone else in the damn world! Himself included, and Longfellow makes sure that Sole is aware of that. First, he tries to be kind and patient with Sole. When that yields no results, he starts snapping back at Sole, telling them off whenever they get too mean. Which is often, of course... 

Longfellow eventually just leaves when Sole is sleeping, making sure to cover his tracks so they can’t come crawling back. It breaks his heart to lose his only true friend, but this was not a good person to be around. 

MacCready:

”Hm. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re a real class-act jerk deep down inside!”

He wants to believe that Sole is actually so much better than this. They remind MacCready of himself, when he was a little tot down in DC. Still, at least he grew out of that! Mostly. And losing Lucy did a number on him, but he bounced back. Somewhat.

At least he’s not a total ass like Sole. 

MacCready really hopes that Sole will begin changing their ways… he’s not sure how much longer he can associate with such a toxic person. He also begins trying to make restitution to whoever is on the receiving end of Sole’s brutish acts— a very rare, very out of character thing for MacCready to do. 

He does understand where Sole is coming from, mostly, but there’s no excuse to be this mean to undeserving folks! 

Nick Valentine:

”Hm, y’know Sole? I’ve never met someone quite like you. And I hope I never meet another person like you.”

He didn’t really like how sarcastic Sole was to everyone in the first place. He tries to give them time, once he learns what horrors lay in Sole’s past. Hell, he can relate to some extent! But, as weeks and months go by, he grows less tolerant. Yeah, they had a real rough wake up call. No way to get around how traumatic their past is. But being so ridiculously rude? Couldn’t Sole even try to be a bit less of a sarcastic, cruel jerk?

He eventually stops traveling with Sole. Perhaps if they can work through their demons, he’ll be willing to give Sole a second chance. For now, though, it looks like he’s once again in the market for a new partner.

Piper:

”God, Blue, could you try and NOT be such an jerk?”

She’s got a sassy side, but she saves it for the people who deserve her wrath. Sole, on the other hand, is just a selfish little prick who can’t keep their mouth shut! Sole did have a horrific past that Piper could barely understand… but that really wasn’t an excuse! Piper gives Sole a couple chances, berating them for their hateful words. She’ll then apologize to whatever undeserving citizen received the business end of their ‘wit’. Eventually, though, Piper loses her temper and ends up in an ugly yelling match with Sole. The two part ways quickly after that horrid scene. Piper doubts she’ll ever travel with Sole again, even if they do become a better person.

She does wish them good luck before she storms off, though. After all, even becoming a mediocre person is difficult for someone like Sole.

Porter Gage:

”Hell yeah, you tell ‘em!”

No matter how sassy and arrogant Sole gets, Gage loves them anyways. Their wit and sharp words are quite fun, and seeing folks’ reactions is the icing on the cake! He gets it, Sole needs an outlet for their pent-up rage about their life. About how unfair the Commonwealth is, about how unfair it is that their family was ruined. And damn, they really have a way with words!

He sometimes has to fight down a very unfamiliar feeling, though: guilt.

That’s usually when Sole is particularly mean to a little kid, or someone equally innocent…Gage may be a raider, but he’s not heartless.

Preston:

”Damn, Sole, try to be a bit nicer to these people. Or, better yet, just shut up.”

He’s got very little patience with Sole’s obscenely rude demeanor. Yes, they did have a very tragic past. But descending to this scummy level? So far so fast?

That was inexcusable. Preston asks Sole many times to lighten up, or to just let him talk to folks instead. Sole keeps running their mouth and shoving people around, though. Preston then kicks them out of the Minutemen, and leaves them for good. He doesn’t feel bad about doing so, as they definitely weren’t doing the Minutemen any favors... He’s got a Commonwealth to try and save. 

Even if Sole does shape up, Preston will find it very difficult to trust them again... If ever.

Strong:

”Sole, you talk less! Bash opponents more!”

He’s fine with the threats and rude comments, but he sure wishes that Sole would just shut the fuck up. Strong is sure that Sole has changed for the better, after what ended up happening to them. You had to be the toughest to survive the Commonwealth! And they certainly were tough. Their trauma made them strong, like Strong. Powerful and callous.

He may occasionally tell Sole to shut up and fight, if they talk too much. Sole will respond with some biting comment that flies way over Strong’s head.

X6-88:

”Permission to speak freely? You, without a doubt, are the worst person I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet.”

X6-88 is used to throwing his weight around, to complete missions for the Institute. Regardless, he still had a very grudging respect for the people surviving— nay— thriving, on the surface. He was never too rude to children or innocents either, just forceful in his speaking. He did what he had to do.

But Sole was obnoxiously offensive and rude to everyone.Behind Sole’s back, X6-88 requests reassignment to another person. It’s granted, and the courser can breathe an easy sigh of relief. No more absurdly uncomfortable talks with people, no more snide comments from Sole.He did try talking to them once, before asking to be reassigned. 

That only ended with a harsh brawl, after Sole said some unforgivable things about X6-88 and the Institute.

[hanzi83]

An Adrenaline High of Mediocrity

You know with recent events, even as miniscule it may look like on the surface in plain sight, but you know the narcissist, paranoia, and mental illness I need to ride that adrenaline high and try to milk it for everything I can, and that never ends up being anything special because it makes no money, and when you are limited in that capacity, and live this sad and trivial life, I try to hang on to any sort of confidence boost, even if it is just for a couple of minutes, you can always count on me to feel good and to ensure the rest of the world that I am not an egomaniac that I try to conceal when this mental illness takes a bit of a rough turn, but I knock myself down a few pegs at behest of the world. I can talk all the shit I do, but the reality is I am in my parent’s basement and live in fear because I feel the powers that be have targeted me and purposely kept me out of commission so they ensure I am seen as the craziest person on this planet. I wrote about all the categories you can check off with me and the ones check marked are normally the ones that have the most stigmas to it. I feel like the show has made my life hell, and when someone brings me up to some extent on their platform, it is a little entertaining to me to see how Howard dances around the issue, I mean that is the least I can get out of it, since he could possibly making my life hell with his underhandedness, where it has made me completely resentful and jealous of others and not being able to trust people in my life, so I concoct theories in my head and the vultures out this know this about me, and putting it out there has to be my responsibility but I know these people will use it to their advantage and they will try to goad me into a response, they will be peaceful and then their true side comes out with their dirty tactics.

These people know I will not fight back the way they want me to because they are trying to get me in trouble or push me over the edge, and due to my feelings of them having connections in the elite world, even though it is an video show on the internet that a specific few are tuning into, even Howard didn’t acknowledge this guy and to me it felt a little transparent like it was purposely done, and now because someone on a show who introduced me to Wendy from the Stern Show feels I need to thank him and keeps goading me into a response. I did have a blast for a bit, but then when I did put two in two together I suspected they were my anonymous tormenters and what is truly sick about it, is how nice they are with me because whenever they tried to exchange wits with each other, I would always get the better of that person, maybe in my own delusional head, and after a major blowback happened. I have written about it in past blogs, but after a huge dispute and it getting personal, we made peace and I make these temporary truces because I feel like people I feel are mentally ill have this niche to specialize in drama, and because I have seen how Howard acts and the tactics that I suspect of him doing, I can sense a familiar situation happening. Not just on the surface, the way Howard talks, or how he vents like him, even his head and hand motion, even having a fucking microphone. He has aligned himself with a crew of yes people, and the more I noticed this, I just didn’t want to be part of it.

They will fuck with past contributors and play their meltdowns, or instead of making fun of someone back, they would call grieving parents of someone’s brother who died of AIDS, and part of me hopes that this shit is staged, because as vile and harsh as I have been to piss trolls off, I would never call someone like that, and then there are unconfirmed rumors these same people have called cops on people, or have sent food to people’s places. I don’t know what the other parties did to do that, because I think everyone involved in whatever feud is going on are all kind of scummy. I don’t fucking know. Now that I have given attitude about not wanting to go back, because I feel like much like Howard, when Howard wants to influence you to call in, he will send his trolls to harass people and then it creates content for the show, and this is what this guy is doing. He stirs the pot with it, and that nice guy act he has had where he maybe even sends people to send me screen shots so I react to the shit talk because any interaction and content for this show is what fuels this guy and he seems like he is incorporating old tricks of what Howard did. He is upset I taken him off my lists, and he hates that I didn’t call in to wish him a happy birthday after knowing I don’t like him playing my streams on his show so he can have some type of representation of me on there. Now I have to do these at the time and having to defend myself while he paints it that I am the one who is being a bully because when I have to defend myself I get on the defensive amplified. And now that he is done kissing my ass to get me back on his show, because he figured I would be crawling back, because he notices I wouldn’t care as much of the views like he does, and then his next move is to send people from his group to come in and stir shit up and even ask me questions relating to him so I keep this constant conversation going, and then he can claim I am making fun of him. He doesn’t need me yet he keeps putting my name in the titles of his videos, keeps the digital banner of my picture there, and then claims he doesn’t want me on the show, while his crew mock my stuttering and call me a terrorist. These guys can get away with all that because they have their connections, I presume, and they are allowed to bombard people’s space and fuck with them with organized harassment.

I get seen as a pussy for expressing it. I have to because then I will go insane and I refuse to be what the past have done with people dying from overdoses and suicides because they were in too much pain to express it. I realize I am not always in the most positive light and I have to take that responsibility, but at the same time and in the same breath I can also blame a system that allows this to go on for their organized chaos. I just have to express what is going on with this situation because I don’t know what these people are capable of and now that he has show what he does to other enemies on his show, he is now being obvious about it with me, and I always suspected this is who this person always was. He takes it personal, and these people can fuck with me because they are allowed. It is disturbing. I have contacted media outlets to warn about this person, but it is just a small You Tube show and now he has dialed it back a bit, but I have to keep an eye on it because people keep sending me messages about it, and they know shit talking gets me going and I give in to the drama. By nature I fancy my mediocre ass as a performer, even though I barely leave my fucking house, and rely on hanging on to my former Stern Show fame and just shoot the shit about television shows, wrestling and conspiracies but they won’t even let that happen.

They have been targeting me more on Face Book and allowing the most racist people on the planet function and harass me and then shut me down for fighting back to these paid trolls. I feel like they hate that I get views despite what Howard wants me to have, even if they are just a couple of hundred or thousand, deposing on how many people are contacted to harass me, and because I am not flipping out the way they want, they try to shut me down so I use the Periscope app. It is easier to troll on there than Face Book. I feel this will never end or maybe something will be revealed and people are just getting desperate to bring me back on. It is fucking messed up and these people have channeled every Stern Show emotion and tactic on the planet and exploits people’s weaknesses to throw back in their face if something negative happens. I never trusted these people, and they will keep pointing it out to get me to respond. The tone in this person’s voice when wanting me to thank him for Wendy giving me a shout out, how about no, I will give a shout out to the person that did it. I thank you for introducing us, but I also spent hours for 2 months for no money to try keep things interesting, and if I did my own thing you would flip your lid about it. It is like he has been practicing to be some Howard knock off and thinks going back to what made Howard cool in the 90’s and early 00’s and is bringing it back like he is some edge lord. I didn’t want to be part of that.

He puts people’s phone numbers out there who call his show, and rumors have it he keeps files on people’s personal information to fuck with them. I don’t know for sure but those are the rumors, and you can’t necessarily believe every rumor, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least, because I do expect people to be functioning by instructions at the behest of higher ups. It is a fucking scary game. And don’t worry, anything I have said in here you won’t take seriously because I am not credible. I can own that, but I can also point out other factors as well that happens to a lot of people, and they can’t even express it.

I won’t talk about these other people, but they keep popping up. They get off at any mention. It really is disturbing that they would manipulate the situation this badly just to create content. When your cheerleaders are just hyping you up and playing a long with all this it gives them this adrenaline high and I know this because I have been down this road with my life when I kind of started being on the Stern Show and I thought I had to mimic the funny dialogue or attitudes from the television, movies, or radio and I see it all over again and again. It is not that I am scared, I am scared of someone using their mental illness and then partaking in evil with it.

As much of an asshole I have been, I at least try to bring awareness to the ugliness of mental illness on another level, even if it means it becomes detrimental to my image or my personal relationships. Then I look forward to wanting to ask women out and then while I have some good rapport with them to some extent, I envision how I would end up pissing them off, and not being the success she would want me to be, and her friends would be warning her about me and her parents would hate her. I bought into this narrative that women dig a guy who acts kind of ignorant and doesn’t give in to their mind games and treat them like you would treat a guy. I know it is sad and pathetic, but you have to understand I never thought I would be here this long. I never wanted to because I think I peaked in high school to be quite honest, and when that was over, I felt like it was the series finale of my life.

People can laugh at my misfortune or how pathetic I am, and because I am kind of a public figure I can expect that, but I still have the balls to put it out there and maybe to my own detriment. How many times have I used detriment in this blog? This was the word I needed to beat into the ground, don’t worry I will go back to vernacular again so I can somehow feel like I am smart while having massive cases of cognitive dissonance and being conflicted about being able to remember and retain everything I have experience (d) and everything I will never be able to, because even though 34 is a young still, I feel like I have been here for 50, and judging by the grey in my facial hair I sure look the part. These people don’t like I am able to find a way to convey my message or express my insecurities, even if it is in my own personal journal, that I suspect they keep on and have some idea of my irrational thoughts to get off my fucking chest. They can track anything and everything you can do. If that hasn’t been proven yet, I would like to express that this is just a hunch. I am not Alex Jones and I don’t have the proverbial documents.

I feel like something is coming to an end with some of these people with their careers and it is like they need me to be associated before a certain time is done. I just don’t like being bullied into calling someone’s show to apologize to them when they have been secretly fucking with me, and then display the immature and juvenile behavior against others and not expect me to suspect that this could be done to me, and it has been kind of been confirmed when recently you keep talking shit and mocking me while I am doing my own thing. They want this feud to go on so it gives into their ego. I know I am not supposed to be relevant but I know I have some value in this world, otherwise they would have killed me by now, and people for some reason need me and then when I suspect I am being used, they then play with my mental illness that they claimed they cared about prior yet they use it as a weapon against me. They organize the comments to be made and who says them on their show. It is kind of like when Stern didn’t want to bash something so he would get his people to call in and do it while he acted unbiased about it. I have seen these tactics before man. And because so many people have felt the wrath of Stern, in my opinion, I don’t want to see others go down this dark path with their mental illness. People always present it pretentiously and then the cynical gets fueled with something positive so they can call these people pussies etc, while they are trolling for elite type and sucking up to them, while claiming they are sticking it to the man because they don’t like some celebrities for speaking on social issues.

I feel like I am going to continuously get fucked with and I believe these people are dangerous. I don’t have enough proof nor is this relevant enough for people to cover this, and it feels like these people want something to happen so they can just ask questions after the fact, when people could be investigating this shit but I wouldn’t be in the slightest bit surprised that even they are bought off too. People assume it is all a plan to get me, but I am just the few of many that are putting it out there, even though I am at a huge disadvantage when the system controls the narrative and have their minions earn that check by coming for your in any manner. They can spread horrible rumors about people, then pretend to be peaceful. It is fucked up. So keep saying I am not relevant but if I wasn’t you wouldn’t be putting on a purposeful facade to get my attention. It is really fucked up that you do this to someone for content. It is fucked up. Now I know officially I am wrong and I have no proof so don’t worry you will be protected for doing the shit you do on a daily basis.

[bokkiedoke]

Atlantic Shitty

The thunderclap of steel on bone rings throughout the dingy theater. A hulking woman steps over the rusty barricade and starts to set up a shitty looking table.

"Holy rotting rat dicks! X nearly killed...no wait...check on that guy. I'm pretty sure she actually killed him."

The ring announcer leans over in her chair, tipping towards the splayed wrestler. As she's trying to get a good look of the possible homicide, X-X-Z reachs over and grabs Buff Boi by his limb arm and puts him across her shoulders.

"Hey what the fuck X!"

"It's a table match. These scummy fucks paid to see someone put through a goddamn table. Right?", she looks up towards the crowd, "RIGHT?!"

A dimly lit horde begins chanting, "N-D-DUB, N-D-DUB."

X leans into the commentator's mic, almost blowing out the speakers. "BECAUSE IN NEO-JERSEY DEATHMATCH WRESTLING WE FIGHT TO THE FUCKIN' DEATH!"

The crowd goes beyond ape shit. People just start straight up murderin' each other at random. One woman found an old hotdog bun that has probably been there since the place opened up and busted someone's head open with it. Then she put their dick in it and snapped off a huge bite.

"NEO JERSEY FUCKIN' ROCKS! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

The commentator stares with her mouth wide open.

"This place is fuuuuucked."

Buff Boi begins to struggle on X's back, then she tightens her grip on him.

"Where am I?"

X begins to adjust, and Buff Boi suddenly realizes...

Over the PA he hears "VICTORIIIIAAAAAAA DRIVERRRRRRRR!!!"

Buff Boi is driven head first through the table at a high velocity, easily snapping through the shitty old table. The sound goes muffled as he dives head first into the concrete. A small man in a spiffy looking suit comes out and slides into the ring as Buff Boi is dragged to the back.

"Okay X, you've done it. You have killed everyone in NDW. As I promised you, you can get what you've always wanted. Do you know what she wanted everyone?"

Various answers come from the darkness behind the barricade.

"A million Jersey Bucks?"

"For you to wrestling ring without shit stains?"

"To kill your ugly, stupid, fuckin' dinosaur lookin', crotch rash smellin', taint sweat lickin', wrinkly old ass?"

The crowd went quiet, and everyone turned to look at the person who yelled that crazy shit out. From the ring, the Commissioner called for the light to be shined on them. A scraggly beard rested on the mangled face of a weary looking man.

"YOU ARE BANNED FROM NDW EVENTS FOREVER CRUSTY CARL! YOU LOST THAT MATCH!"

"Yeah well your dad lost his condom inside your mom and that's the only reason you were born."

"Fucking GROSS!"

"Fucking TRUE!"

"Carl, fuck off before I make another match for X."

"She already beat me once dude, just leave me the hell alone and get on with it."

"...okay fine. You finally won the prize you picked at the beginning of the Jersey Bloodbath. It is...a Nordic Union citizenship ticket. You fuckin' TRAITOR!"

Goblin Larry, the Commissoner, threw the ticket down at X. The crowd started booing, and people were jumping the barricades. As X was distracted fighting off the crowd, Larry leaned over the ropes, and spit down at her as people began to pile on top of her.

People went flying in all directions, and a furious scream deafened everyone around X. Goblin Larry started to run, but X picked up the steel steps and discus threw them at her soon to be former employer. They caught him in the back of the knees and he went tumbling down to the concrete outside the ring.

"Haha, I knew you fuckin' sucked. That barely even hu-OH FUCK!"

As Goblin Larry began talkin' shit, he saw X leap through the air towards him. She kicked off of the ropes on the opposite side of the ring, cleared the whole shit-stained mat, and came down elbow first into the face of her crusty as fuck boss.

"I better not smell like you tomorrow."

She quickly ducked out of the room through a secret entrance they had ready for when shit goes down and the wrestlers need to get away from the bloodthirsty crowd. She immediately jumped into her vintage Firebird and raced to the embassy.

"I'm comin' sister. Finally getting out of this shithole." A couple hours later, X pulls up to a giant concrete wall. The seal of the Nordic Union is engraved into the transparent gates. A robotic guard greets her.

"What's your business here?"

X holds up her ticket over her left eye. A bath of dim lasers cover her face.

"Greetings X-X-Z, and welcome to the Nordic Union! Come in, after a short citizenship test and background check we'll have you sent off to the area of your choice."

A part of the transparent door slides open, and X steps through. She is stunned by the beauty contained within the gates. Lush gardens filled with wildlife surround her.

"My word, this is amazing. Where did you get all of this?"

"It was here when we built the embassy hundreds of years ago."

"Bullshit."

"It's true, citizen. And many places on the Atlantic coast still look exactly like this. Here it's because of air filters and extensive care, but elsewhere it's just natural."

"I knew Neo Jersey was a shithole, but fuck..."

"No comment." Soon they were climbing up the steps and were in the main hall of the embassy. After a brief conversation with employees at the main desk, X is off to the back. Only a few hours later she's on her ship, heading off to the headquarters of Jotunn Protection, a company of bodyguards that her sister started after she got her ticket out of Neo Jersey. The ride is smooth, then they finally begin their approach to the space station her sister has built her company on. The passengers put on their space suits, getting ready to step off onto the port and enter the floating metropolis. The pilot turns on the light to tell everyone to buckle up, then suddenly the ship begins to spin wildly.

A young Eze on his first trip into space begins to panic. "What's happening?! Are we gonna die?"

Their sibling undoes their buckle and stands up. "Look out the windows. It's anchor cables. They look like they were picked out of a junkyard."

A loud crash rings out through the cabin of the starship. X rips her buckle off and stands next to the older Eze. "What're they doing?"

"Probably trying to steal the ship."

"Are they just gonna pulls us with them?"

"If they're using gear that rusty I doubt they'd have a ship powerful enough. They're coming in."

"Good."

The hull above them makes a loud pop, and then it tears open upwards. A couple of slim figures in heavy layers of raggedy clothing drop out of the hole. They all hold razor sharp blades, though none of them are the same shape or material. A larger pirate jumps down, holding a chrome cylinder in it's hand. It flips a switch on it and a blade of electricity forms.

In a raspy, robotic voice the pirate captain speaks.

"You two, sit down. Everyone can get off safely at the port, except the captain. They come with us."

The Eze pulls out an intricately decorated gauss pistol and points it at the pirate.

"They lie. I've seen it before. We find an escape pod full of bodies every time."

X briefly glances into the pirate ship, then reachs up into the hole above her. She pulls out a maintenance hammer and grips it tightly. She makes a heavy swing upwards and smashes open the seal between the two ships. One of the smaller pirates laughs.

"You do know we have Oxypacks on, right?", she says as she pats the small bulge on her back.

"So that's where they are.", X says as she grabs the young pirate and lifts her quickly, before smashing her back across her knee.

The Eze looks shocked.

"You said they were gonna kill everyone."

"How can I be sure you won't, you goddamn maniac?"

"Because I didn't try to kill you first. I mean, you have a gun."

"Fair enough. The name's Pezi", they say as they dodge out of the way of the crackling blade of the pirate captain.

"I'm X."

A human excitedly tries to get out of his seat.

"Holy shit, it's X! I've seen all your matches!"

As the man goes to get out of his seat in excitement, he kicks out and trips one of the pirates charging towards X. The pirate's head lands in between the knees of X, then she powerbombed them so hard it literally folded them in half.

"We'd make a good tag team. You stay safe right there for now though, I'll sign something for ya at the station."

"Oh OH! I bring this everywhere just in case. You can use it before you sign it though."

He tosses a steel chair, X's signature weapon, towards her.

"How the fuck did you get a steel chair onto a spacecraft?"

The guy just shrugs, then leans out of the way of another pirate.

Pezi and the pirate captain are grappling, trying to disarm one another. After a few solid CLANGS ring out, grunts and shouts fill the ship. Pezi is struggling, and the electric blade is coming closer and closer to their face. Then they feel a push from behind their adversary and hears the ringing of steel again, then the captain goes limp and slumps down to the ground, knocked out.

X is standing in front of Pezi when the captain finally drops out of the way, bloody and dented chair in hand. She's breathing heavily and has scratches across her face.

"I left one for ya, if you wanna actually be helpful."

The scrawny pirate scrambles to their feet, then gets up into the small ship they came out of.

"I'm not gonna shoot someone trying to run away. They didn't hurt anyone."

"Good.", X says as she pulls the pirate down into the transport ship. "Hey you, come with me. I got a real job for ya.". She helps the pirate up, then pulls off the hood around their face. Under the lightly wrapped cloths, she can see the scales of an Eze.

"Huh, first three Eze I've ever run into, and I met a wimp, a space marshal, and a pirate all at once. I knew Larry was bullshitting me when he said you're all a bunch of pompous merchants."

The pirate presses a button on their respirator, and speaks in their normal voice. "Larry sounds like a racist asshole. Hopefully you treated him like you did my shithead captain."

X points to a faint bloodstain on her elbow, "You see those little cuts there? Got a couple cuts going through his thick skull."

The fan appears next to her suddenly. "Oh yeah I got the clip on my Comm-band if you wanna see it!"

"Oh shit yeah."

THE END

[ldnonpoint-blog]

TOP 5 places in London that are utter shitholes

I know, here we go, another top 5 list of must see places in London! And like the rest, I’m trying to seem cool, in the know and edgy by not including Big Ben neither. Didn’t see that coming did you? Difference with this article and those conjured by low-rate click bait article sites is a) I’m speaking from actual knowledge and experience and b) I’m not selling article space for money. You know the sites I’m talking about, Londonist, Vice and the plethora of other start ups that permeate social media like the hollow caricatures they are. I mean, they have their purpose, but if you want to see the so called ‘real, non-gentrified’ face of London, what better place to look than a blog site with an opinionated arsehole cabbie as it’s proud custodian?

I’m not including restaurants, bars, clubs, or any of that clap-trap. That’s what search engines are for, and the London Eye? If you’re reading this, you can fuck right off chap. Didn’t like you when you was the biggest ferris wheel in the world, but you’re not even the biggest in Europe now (I blame brexit personally), so serve as much purpose to the city as a skirting board does to the foundations of a house. No one cares.

No… What I’m going to do is isolate streets and particular areas that for me, show the real, unpolished side of London still. A London that will soon be lost to the whirlwind force of the global markets, like coral reefs being bleached of colour and life. A London that shows a glimpse to our past, a nod to our history, and the old industries that once dominated it, and a London that largely goes forgotten and unseen. Until it can be redeveloped, upscaled and marketed to gullible yuppies with more money than sense that is! Ha, yuppies... that’s a word you don’t hear anymore. I’m bringing it back, which I suppose is a form of gentrification in itself really… See? There’s no escaping it. We’re all fucked…

Right, enough mindless and slightly bitter yammering, time to get down to brass tacks.

Roupell Street

It’s a small residential road just off of stamford street and lined either side with compact brick housing surrounded at every angle by high line, glass encased, weirdly shaped monuments to private equity and wealth. It’s where a lot of films and shows such as the Midwife and the latest bio-pic about the Kray’s was filmed, and well worth a gander as this street holds more character than any new build could possibly muster.

 2. Poplar High Street

You can’t talk about the real london without mentioning Poplar, which for the most part has warded off the cereal cafes and lycra outfitters of dalston and the like. It’s a great throw back to east end culture, with greasy spoon cafes and churches originally built for sailors and ship builders to frequent. At the east end of the high street sits possibly one of the most ugly concrete tower blocks you can ever imagine. It’s 60’s dystopian architecture on the piss, laying on the ground when it should be erect. Witnessing this before it’s demolished is worth the trip alone.

3. Three colts lane, Bethnal Green

Here we have a series of railway arches filled by car garages and taxi rental firms. Oil stained cobbles and graffitied lined archways, populated by working class grafters from all walks of life. It’s in these nooks and crannies where the real, day to day mechanistic function of the city transpires. From the Cambridge heath road end, the disease of gentrification is slowly sweeping through, turning railway arches into avante garde sandwich bars and spoon carving shops (yes, such a thing exists). Within 20 years, most garages will be forced out to the outskirts, where the rent is cheap and the people scummy, but for now this little slice of unspoiled urban deluge is still here. (If you’re ever down brick lane, near the top is Cheshire street, head all the way down that and that takes you to three colts lanes). Oh, and as an extra note, I once saw a rastafarian and a do-as-you-likee have a full blown-dust up in a garage down here, so you can probably see why I hold this area in such high regard. Couldn’t understand a word either of them said, but it was entertaining all the same, like Snatch but without the subtitles.

4. Pages Walk (where Stompy the tank resides)

Okay, this area is on the cusp of being gentrified but not quite there yet. It’s where old warehouses, scrap yards and storage mills use to lay, and it still holds a certain charm. There’s a few traditional pubs around too, but the gem in the crown is good ol’ stompy the tank himself. He sit’s at the very end of the road, the guardian of pages walk, being placed by a disgruntled landowner in a vendetta against the local council who had refused him permission to build a house on the site. Circumstances may have changed as the whole area around old kent road is set to be carpet bombed by private hedge fund investment anytime soon, but for now, this is still the place Stompy calls home.

5. Thameside Industrial Estate

One of the last remaining refuge for our industrial past, this area sits right opposite city airport. As economics changed and ships grew too big for the narrow river to handle, most shipping and industry was moved a few miles east towards Tilbury in Essex. But there are still momentous that remain, such as the sugar mill and various other abandoned warehouses predominantly used for TV’s and film. I mean, don’t plan to spend your day here, but if you’re ever in the area, a drive around the back end of the airport is always pretty interesting, especially around dawn or dusk.  

And so there we have it, your go to guide for central based shit holes. May come across as a little bitter when commenting on the rate of change happening across the city, but it’s not the case. London has always been a huge, shape shifting beast that swallows entire towns and devours entire cultures whole, all for it’s own devious gain. I embrace it, but there’s no harm in sharing a few unsung and hidden pleasures, even if not the most aesthetically pleasing because they won’t be around forever, trust me on that.  

Be lucky folks ;D