#like girl.... you wrote this for free and you have no deadline. relax

[lycankeyy]

This might be a crazy idea but maybe instead of getting angry at myself for struggling to work on this thing because I'm too emotional maybe I should do something to calm down first

[joheun-saram]

To Make a Power Couple (knj) | 02

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

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Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, slow burn, fluff eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

a.n- okay here’s the second part! I wrote this up fairly quickly (don’t expect this to be the norm!). This part I wanted to kind of address the stress of overworking as a young adult (GUILTY 🙋🏻‍♀️) so sorry if it gets a little serious at parts. I also wanted to switch it up so it’s from Namjoon’s perspective. I hope you enjoy it. SOFT JOON BEING A BIG OLD SOFTY.

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut 

-

Namjoon woke up startled as his phone alarm rang. He was groggy and his splitting headache made him nauseous. “I’m never going to drink again”, he mumbled. He groaned as he got off the couch he had crashed on the night before, trying not to trip over Taehyung who seemed to be dozing happily on the floor as he made his way to his room. He hadn’t stayed at the dorms in a while, preferring the quiet solitary of his own apartment nowadays, and with his hangover in full swing he felt like he was walking through a stranger's house. 

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Everytime he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

In all honesty, he needed a way to jumpstart his brain, and get out of the routine of home, practice, meetings, studio, home. Sometimes, he almost wished he didn’t have the success he had so he could go out and let loose a little - a club, a party, anything. But the last time he went somewhere like that he got swarmed and the police had to be involved. He couldn’t risk that, not after the trouble Big Hit went to threaten media outlets a year and a half ago, when he was caught with what they called a hickey, but was actually a stress rash. 

As he brushed his teeth today, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year. 

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he doesn’t need the tutoring anymore, he does enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would be an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but everytime he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he can’t imagine theirs.

Making his way back to the living room he found Taehyung now sitting on the floor, sleep still very evident on his features as he yawned and groaned. On the couch next to him sat Yoongi, holding an iced americano and staring into space. The rest were missing but he could hear a blender annoyingly whizzing in the kitchen.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head. 

“We tried. You were very excited to try all the disgustingly sweet drinks the hot bartender was making for you.” Yoongi replied with a sigh. “How was your date, Namjoon? You glad I forced you to go to the bar to talk to her?” he snickered, sipping his coffee before exhaling loudly in contentment.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Yeah. We’re getting dinner on Tuesday, but I want to message her now. Argh!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration. “What do I even say? ‘Hi I’m the guy who was too scared to kiss you all night so you had to do it for him, what’s your favourite colour?’” Namjoon was annoyed at himself. It’s bad enough that he was having writer’s block in his music, did he have to have it for something as simple as texting too? This was ridiculous.

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez. Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while staring at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The messages continued easily after that, filled with updates of each other’s activities, playful flirting and even photos of dinner. By the time Monday rolled around, you had been messaging each other constantly, with no end to the conversation in sight and the only long pauses being when you were both asleep or working. It seemed like you would never run out things to talk about. Namjoon hadn’t messaged someone this frequently since he got out of his last relationship. It felt nice to relay his mundane day to day events to someone and he found himself excited to hear about your mundane, like how you decided to mix two different types of bad coffee blends to make a shockingly worse one. He was surprised again at how fast he felt comfortable around you. It was even starting to scare him a little - he only knew you for three days and it felt like he had known you forever! What was this weird spell you had on him?

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

After the first three rings, he was overthinking his decision. Maybe it was too soon to call? Maybe you didn’t like talking on the phone? What if it went to voicemail? Would he have to leave a message? What would he say? His inner monologue was quickly halted at the sound of your voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh... this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh Namjoon! Sorry I didn’t check who called when I picked up!” Relief washed over him at the change of your tone. “Sorry one sec can you hold on.” he heard you say as your voice got mumbled. He waited while he heard you talk to someone about proposals and deadlines. Were you still at work? He checked his watch - it was 10 pm. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by your work ethic or worried that you were overworking.

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Y/N… It’s 10:04…” He was shocked at how nonchalant you sounded, and suddenly he had his answer - he was worried, not impressed. He had known you for three days and already you were setting his caretaker alarm off. He wanted to scold you for being careless and overworking, like he’s used to doing for the boys, but he knew it was too soon. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that way all of a sudden and tried to suppress his protective instincts.

“No it’s not! It’s…” He could hear your voice going further away as he imagined you moving the phone in front of you to check the time. “Oh shit you’re right. What the hell? Okay sorry I’m gonna put you on hold again.” Before he could say anything he heard your voice again, distant again but loud. “Oh my god. Guys, it’s 10pm. Go home! Why did nobody tell me? No it doesn’t matter we can do that tomorrow. Please go home. Pack up now! You too Siwon, don’t worry I’ll go home after I get off the phone. See you!” He smiled at the sternness of your tone - it reminded him of a teacher dismissing class.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter. 

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It was a lie to get Siwon off my back. I’m probably gonna be here till like 1 or something. I still have to get this done” you said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He knew that tone fairly well, having used it multiple times himself when he locked himself in his studio, running on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

“Okay I know we’ve only just met and we have our first date tomorrow, but do you want some company?” He asked before he could stop himself. The line was silent for a bit, and he felt self conscious, scared that he had overstepped and driven you away. Before he could check his phone to see if you had hung up you spoke.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

  ____________________________

He spotted you as he walked through the doors of the 13th floor, pepperoni pizza in hand. You were sitting at a long desk near the middle of the room. He was surprised as he expected you in an office, but he found you typing away at your desktop. Your hair was tied up in a bun and you were dressed in an oversized beige t-shirt, eyebrows furrowed head bopping to the hip hop track playing through the speakers. You seemed to be in your own little world. He felt like he was spying on you as he leaned against the door watching but he also liked seeing how you acted when you thought no one was watching. He was about to announce his presence when the track changed to a Childish Gambino one and you whooped and started to rap along.

You were now fully head banging and rapping the verse at the top of your lungs. He would be impressed by your fairly good amateur skills if he didn’t find the entire scene so endearing. His heart was doing somersaults as he watched you now fully engrossed in the song, typing forgotten as you got up and started to pretend you were on stage, an imaginary mic in your hand asking haters if they “eatin’ though”. You looked so adorable that he couldn’t help but squeal a little “cute!”

That’s when you saw him, eyes wide. He felt a little bad when he saw how embarrassed you looked, immediately stopping and slapping a hand to your mouth before bursting out in nervous laughter. He could write a whole album with that laugh. Oh he was so whipped, he thought to himself as he made his way to you.

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Nope. Never. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to save it forever” he said as he also started on his slice. You pouted up at him, cheeks puffed and it took all the self-control he had to not kiss it off your face. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it was like you were his first crush. Trying to control his pulse, he asked “What are you working on so late?”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it.” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Can I help?” you echoed his question to which he echoed your response grinning. He wasn’t lying though. Even though he had planned to not really work, as the night progressed he found the change from his usual writing spot inspiring. Sitting next to you, the sound of the keyboard clicking was soothing leading to words pouring out of him. He filled pages as he stole glances at you concentrating on your proposal, tongue peeking from between your lips, still bobbing to the music which was now playing from your airpods instead of the speakers. He smiled at the sight, before focusing on his notebook.

After about an hour or so of hard work, he finished three songs that he had allotted himself the whole week to do. This was the most productive hour he had all month. Antsy for a break, he looked over at you and found you staring at him, a hand under your chin. As he met your gaze you smiled.

“You’re really hot when you concentrate. Has anyone ever told you that?” you commented. He was taken aback by your remark, heart fluttering at your smirking face. Not missing his chance and spurred on by the comment, he scooted closer in one sweep till your knees touched and you were face to face.

“You’re one to talk. I couldn’t stop looking at you this past hour.” Gazing into your eyes, he was amused to see your smirk disappear as it was now your turn to be shocked. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear letting his hand linger, enjoying the way you sighed as he did. “Can I make good on my promise now?” He whispered, his face centimeters away, looking at your lips. The way you bit your lower lip made him want to take you there and then. The desk looked big enough. Hell, even if it wasn’t he could make it work.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first...” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

He could feel you pushing forward as he leaned back and allowed you to straddle his lap, your legs on either side of the chair. As soon as you were on his lap, he pulled you closer, both arms around on your hips, your chest flushed with his. He kissed the side of your mouth as he made his way down your jaw to your neck. You smelt like vanilla mixed with a fresh flower garden, and he was sure this smell was better than any drug in the world. He could hear your breathy moans as he sucked where your neck met your collarbone, licking to soothe it before moving further. He wanted to taste all of you. Your hands were in his hair and each tug made him groan into you, making him harder. He could kiss you like this forever. He wanted to save this moment so he could come back to it and relive it. He traced his hands up and down your sides, moving under your shirt but remaining on your waist, enjoying the feel of your soft skin.

“Namjoon… Namjoon... slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“We have to slow down or I’m going to want to fuck you right here.” You whined as you both came back up for air, but you kissed him again nevertheless. Hearing you say that made him want to do anything in his power to make that happen.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he said against your lips, kissing you with urgency, biting your lower lip and pulling it gently to elicit another moan from you. To his disappointment, you seemed to have better self-control than him as you pushed him back, both of you panting as you struggled to catch your breath. He moved his hand back to your hips tracing little circles, feeling comforted by you smoothing his hair you had pulled earlier.

“There are cameras here. I’d rather not make a sex tape on our first date.” You giggled as you pointed to the black sphere in the corner of the room. He had never hated the obsession buildings had for security more, but the crudeness of your comment made him laugh. He had almost forgotten this was your first date, it felt like he had kissed you a thousand times before. You tasted like the relief of an awning in the middle of a summer downpour.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

He followed you as you led him to the little kitchenette near the end of the room, unable to resist the urge to wrap his hands around your waist in a back hug. He knew he was being too clingy for a first date, but the way you giggled and put your hands over his gave him assurance.

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session. 

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Hey! We are cooling down! No kissing! Now pick” you chided and Namjoon couldn’t help but wonder if you were this assertive in bed too, a million scenarios playing in his head. Okay, you were right, he needed to cool down.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” he said as he grabbed the bottle you passed him, opening and gulping half of it. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was for something other than you. You both made your way to the tables, sitting across from each other.

“So did you finish your proposal?” He asked trying to cool himself but failing as he noticed you running the cold water bottle against your neck, the beads of condensation dripping on your shirt. He cleared his throat as he tried to focus his attention on your eyes, a mantra of stay focused playing in his head.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything, but I don’t know your presence is kind of soothing. It helped me focus.” Watching your smile grow wide, he continued, “I’ve been having pretty severe burnout this past month and it has just been hard to put down my thoughts, even non-lyrical ones.” He fidgeted with the water bottle as he looked at it, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t know why he was telling you this. He recalled when he told you about his struggles as a leader during your first conversation. Somehow being around you led him to vomit out his feelings. It was… unlike him. Namjoon was usually not this honest on dates, or relationships, as much as he would hate to admit it. That’s the reason he broke off his last one. He felt bad lying to her about a busy schedule when he just wanted to be alone. She would have understood, she was kind and thoughtful, but it just felt easier to lie and not put the effort in to explain his thoughts. Even when they broke up, he lied and told her that it was because he couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment, when in reality things had cooled off a while ago and he felt guilty as his feelings faded.

He felt your hand reach out and grab one of his, intertwining your fingers. He felt comforted by the gesture as you rubbed your thumb across him before you spoke two words that warmed his heart. “I understand.”

“You know it’s hard to work at full speed all the time. It’s okay to not be at a hundred all the time. The valleys feed the peaks” you continued. It was a simple remark, but it sounded surprisingly poetic to him. He hadn’t felt this understood outside of the boys for a long time. It was refreshing. It was terrifying. He resisted his natural urge to run and hide.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Yeah. I had it pretty tough a couple of years ago. Too much pressure from myself, too many expectations. Led to too many vices and panic attacks” you shrugged as you continued and he squeezed your hand to comfort you. “It creeps up from time to time but my therapist and I have it handled” He looked at you in awe. You hadn’t given him a throwaway answer or switched the limelight back at him. You wasted no time in being as vulnerable as him, if not more. He knew at that moment that regardless of where this thing went, he wanted you to know you better.

“Thank you for being honest.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it gently. It was an intimate gesture but he wanted you to know how much he appreciated your words - how much he appreciated you - in that moment. You both sat in comfortable silence for a little while, playing with each other’s hands that were still intertwined, till one of you yawned loudly causing the other to giggle. With the weight of the conversation lifting, you both fell back into playful banter as you decided to pack up and call it a night.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“Oh, no judgment here! Me neither” he laughed. Why does everyone think it is such a big deal to not drive? It’s better for the environment! “Do you want to take one together? I don’t really want you to ride alone this late.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn’t come off as if he was trying to dictate what you did.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that. 

In the cab you both sat closer than necessary, his arm wrapped around you as you both made plans for your scheduled date later that day, trying not to doze off. When the cab stopped all too soon at your apartment, he kissed you gently as he told you how much he enjoyed your company.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

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[rpgmgames]

November’s Featured Game: Grimm's Hollow

DEVELOPER(S): ghosthunter ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: Indie RPG, Adventure WARNINGS: Discussions of death, losing a loved one, grief SUMMARY: Grimm’s Hollow is a spooky, freeware RPG where you search the afterlife for your brother. Reap ghosts with your scythe, explore haunted caves, and eat ghostly treats on your journey through death.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *BB: My name's Bruno and I did some of the music along with Nat! I’m super happy to have participated in this game! *NW: I’m Nat Wesley, a.k.a. Natbird! I’m a composer available for hire with a few projects in the works. I’m honored to have had the chance to work on the soundtrack to Grimm’s Hollow! *GH: Hello! I go by ghosthunter online; I started developing RPGs with a friend in school when we found out that we both enjoyed RPG Horror. I enjoy art, webcomics, cartoons and narrative-driven indie games a lot. I bought RM2K3 on sale and started pouring pixel art into it, before learning how to do things like chase scenes, cutscenes, etc. I used to fantasize about making my own game, drawing dungeons and ghosts in the back of my sketchbooks, before I finally started Grimm’s Hollow. Now I’m near the end of high-school, and I’m hoping the best for uni!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *GH: Grimm’s Hollow, originally, wasn’t as ambitious or personal. It was simply just going to be “my first game”, something that I could finally put my doodles and RM2K3 skills to. I wanted a game that a younger me would have enjoyed, back when I first discovered the classic RPGMaker games and replayed them constantly for those endings. That was my initial inspiration. It eventually evolved into an action turn-based RPG that relies on timing, yet it’s mostly narrative-driven. You traverse death in search of your sibling, and try to make an escape. There are unexpected pieces of me that ended up in this game, some of which I’m still noticing even now.

How long have you been working on your project? *GH: Since the summer of June 2018.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *GH: Standstill Girl, OFF by Mortis Ghost, Undertale, Over The Garden Wall, and the animation medium in general.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *GH: Many! Making your first game is such a giant learning curve, that the list of challenges goes on. I would say that the most difficult issue I encountered (and that, in some ways, I am still facing after release) is working around the limitations of the game engine I am using. I wanted to see whether creating an engaging but simple 1-party RPG in RM2K3 (without going completely custom) was feasible, and I experimented with quick time events as part of that. I worked around the engine’s built-in formulae so players could see progress when they upgraded their stats - although the game might display as defence as “10”, in reality the game stores it as 40 since the engine splits defence by 4. Since I did not want to create an RPG which was too complex for my first game, I also scrapped traditional staples such as armour or weapons. There were also issues such as having an appropriate “game over” handling event which wouldn’t shoot you back to the title screen after you lost a battle; getting RM2K3 to play a small cutscene where you faint and respawn somewhere else was tricky. I felt that if the player had to reload after a loss, it would disrupt the game flow.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *GH: Like I mentioned before, the game started off impersonal. I just had a soft spot for a spooky cute aesthetic, and I wanted to indulge in that. It was (and in its essence, still is) meant to be a short story, to keep the player invested for the short game length - nothing grandiose. The original draft did not have Baker play a role in the narrative - he was just an ordinary shopkeeper NPC. For a long time during development, Lavender did not even have a name. In the very first draft, she was a silent protagonist the player could name and customize. But she played a very active role in the final outline, so it was hard not to give her own unique voice when one emerged from the narrative naturally. I am glad I did; she grew on me quite quickly! Grimm was virtually unchanged from beginning to end. The only difference was that a close friend suggested that he seemed like he would be into drinking Oolong tea - so that’s what he offers you when you meet him. Timmy also did not go under massive overhauls like Lavender and Baker did, but his relationship with Lavender became much more fleshed out as I wrote the narrative. In other facets of the game’s design, there were not many changes to the original prototype.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *GH: It was just myself, doing the art, writing, programming, etc. But halfway through creating the second cave, I realised I would need a very specific sound for Grimm’s Hollow. So, I contacted Nat for music, but I also created a post on tumblr calling for a composer since there were many tracks to make. I met Bruno as a result! I am very happy with their work and I am so grateful I’ve got to work with them! (Some players are asking for an OST release, which is in the works).

What is the best part of developing a game? *GH: I really enjoyed the early stages of development: creating new tilesets, sprites and maps and piecing them together in the editor, then taking a small screenshot and sharing it with my friend over summer vacation … It was nice to see the game’s world slowly come together. I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from beginning to end: that sense of world-building, that sense of relaxation from making a small cosy game. The latter started to disappear as work and other responsibilities started to intrude, and pressure began to seep into development time - but I never stopped loving making the world and characters. I also want to say that, by lucky chance, I have met a lot of kind people from making my first game. I’m very grateful for that, so thank you to everyone.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *GH: All the time! Other RPG Maker 2003 projects are great inspirations for pixel art tilesets, as well as how to code harder features such as custom menus. They’re also just fun to play.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *GH: Lavender and Timmy are relatable to me in multiple ways. I can’t elaborate on Timmy since that would go into spoiler territory, but I somewhat relate to Lavender’s insistence on managing her life on her own - sometimes to her own detriment. I’d say the most fun character to write for was Grimm. He can be unintentionally silly while speaking in the most formal way, but also very caring too. Everything he does and says was easy to write, whereas I had to think harder for the interactions between everyone else - especially for very crucial scenes regarding their development. That being said, my favourite is still the game’s central two siblings. I can not pick between them for the life of me.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *GH: I wish I started testing even earlier! Not only does it give you a good sense of what’s missing, but seeing people enjoy what you’ve made yet get hindered by bugs is a very strong incentive to fix your game immediately. When I was lacking motivation or was stuck, I found that good feedback and support made me motivated again. I also wish that I could have pushed the deadline a little further, or perhaps released the game on Early Access since it will take me a while to refine post-release bugs - but as it is, the 31st of October really was the deadline for my game due to external circumstances (no, that deadline wasn’t just because it was Halloween!). Other than that, I wonder if using an updated version of RPG Maker would have produced the same game …? It’s hard to tell, but I hope people enjoy it for what it is - I will be working on that post-release patch soon!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *GH: There are no current plans, but I would be happy to have the opportunity to improve and expand on the game. As it is, the game’s released for free and done as a hobby, so I would struggle to do that by myself.

What do you most look forward to now that you have finished the game? *GH: Earlier on, I was really looking forward to players’ reactions. Games are made to be fun, and I would have felt distraught if my game didn’t achieve what it was set out to do. Yet it was not just about the gameplay; it was about the narrative. I hoped that what I found funny, the player would too; what was heartfelt to me, was heartfelt to the player as well. Like sharing a laugh, or just a good experience together. I hoped they would enjoy the feeling that went into it, despite the struggle of making it against circumstance and limitations. Now, I look forward to resting and sleeping once this over. I want to explore my other interests, improve, and explore new media. I want to relax, and refocus again like I was before the heat of development.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *GH: Bugs! Some are easy to fix, but others are harder due to the limitations of the engine (e.g an error in one ending is caused by an overflow error).

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *GH: Show your game as early as possible, to as many people as possible. As soon as you have something playable, it’s ready for feedback. You’ll see if that game mechanic you spent hours refining works, or if it doesn’t work and why. You’ll understand what players enjoy and what they want more of, but also what they don’t like or don’t enjoy. And you will definitely encounter bugs. You’ll be able to pinpoint and fix minor problems early on that can easily become a larger issue later. You’ll be able to fine-tune your game so its best bits shine, and the difficulty is just right.

Question from last month's featured dev @dead-dreams-dev: Is there anything you’ve added to your game for no other reason than because you’re hoping fans will get a kick out of it? Fanservice, fourth wall breakage, references to other games, jokes, abilities that are just ridiculously overpowered and badass, etc? *GH: It’s hard to say; game design is trying to find the intersection between what’s good for the player, what the developer enjoys, and what’s feasible to implement. Every decision made should be conscious of that … I think a lot of the game’s early light-hearted jokes was not only made because I enjoyed it, but I hoped the player would “get a kick out of it” too. But more so, I think it’s because I would struggle to write a story which is serious and bleak from beginning to end. The game is a little self-indulgent in the narrative that way.

We mods would like to thank ghosthunter & team for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Grimm's Hollow if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[santoteez]

Card and Cash - Wooyoung

Idol: Wooyoung of ATEEZ

Genre: Fluffffff

Warnings: Racy pickup lines I guess??

Word Count: 2.8k

Requested: Yes

Requested by Anon: “ i saw the other anon request an AU, so imma do one too! there is this super cute video of wooyoung working in a cafe for atiny and saying “card and cash?” so i thought maybe you could do this AU with wooyoung🥺 "You're a barista at a cafe I frequent and you think your being smooth with the coffee themed pick up lines you write on my cup, but they're just cheesy and I'm calling you out on it just to get your number, now."”

“$4.95. Name?” Wooyoung uttered, bored. He was halfway done with his shift, and he couldn’t have been in more of a rush for it to end. He seemed to be drowning in a sea of macchiatos and cold brews. And it wasn’t like the customers were any more pleasant. When it wasn’t someone complaining or being difficult, it was a pesky high schooler flirting and gushing at the silver-haired boy. He was flattered, but after a while, he strongly wished for them to leave. He sighed, counting his register for the 40th time that day, wishing for the coffee shop to magically close.

That is, until she walked in.

Her class finished early, so she decided to stop in for a drink on her way home. She had a long day on campus, dealing with professors and deadlines; she needed an escape. She walked right up to Wooyoung with a smile.

“Hi! Can I get a large iced caramel latte with extra whip?”

Wooyoung froze for longer than societally normal. He’d never seen the girl around before, but her beauty left him at a loss for words.

“Uh, y-yes. Um, c-card and c-cash?” He blurted out before realizing his mistake. He mentally cursed himself for stuttering like a bumbling idiot.

She laughed, something she hadn’t gotten a chance to do all day. She smiled at Wooyoung, who was at awe of the melodic sound of her laughter.

“Cash, please. I left my card at home. I was in such a rush for class. I couldn’t even buy breakfast.”

“I h-hate when t-that happens. M-maybe you should get a pastry with your drink?” Wooyoung suggested.

“Huh. I didn’t even think of that. How bout one of those glazed doughnuts?” She responded.

He nodded, feeling a little better from his stuttering fit. “That’s my favorite, actually. Can I get your name?”

“Y/N.” She said, handing him her cash.

‘Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.’ Wooyoung thought as he counted..

“Here you go. San should be making your order shortly-” Wooyoung stopped talking as he turned around to hand the order receipt to no one. “Or not. That rat must’ve disappeared on me again. Guess I’ll be making your drink then.”

He reached for the cup while her drink blended, eyeing the sharpie on the counter. ‘Should I? Would that be creepy?’ He thought to himself as he scribbled her name onto the cup. He turned to look at her, watched as she scrolled idly on her phone. ‘I’m gonna do it.’ He decided, scribbling extra words onto her cup. He poured her drink in, swirling the whipped cream on top before securing the lid.

“Iced caramel latte for Y/N!” He called out, placing her drink down at the pick-up station along with a straw.

“Thank you!” She smiled brightly.

“No problem, enjoy,” Wooyoung said, desperately trying to hide his blush. He watched as she zoomed out the shop, crossing the street. He mentally thanked the heavens she didn’t read her cup while she was in the store; he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle whatever her reaction would be.

Wooyoung’s eyes narrowed as San strolled out of the backroom. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Watching you trip over your own tongue at that customer that just left.” He answered shamelessly.

“You were supposed to make the drink, not eavesdrop from the back.”

The black and silver-haired boy shrugged. “I’m the manager, I can get away with it. Plus, you were right there and there wasn’t a line. It worked out.”

Wooyoung sighed, washing the utensils and setting them to dry. “Sometimes I think you’re just as dumb as that gray patch on your head.”

“What was that? I can’t hear you over the fact that you need this job and I shouldn’t fire you.”

“Firing me would mean I no longer have to work with Anna from Frozen.”

“Stop acting like you don’t love me,” San said, his smile showing his dimples.

“I’m not acting. I don’t love you.” Wooyoung rolled his eyes but smiled back nonetheless.

-

-

Y/N sighed as she walked into her apartment, setting her drink down on the table. It was a good thing she bought that doughnut from the coffee shop; she hadn’t realized how hungry she was.

“Y/N, is that you?” Alex, her roommate, called from down the hall.

“Yeah, it’s me.” She answered, shrugging off her jacket, leaving her in just her crop top. Thank God it’s Friday. I was getting sick of that place.”

“That bad, huh?” Alex asked, sitting down at the table.

“Bad isn’t the word. Try impossible.” Y/N said from the kitchen, making a quick sandwich. She didn’t want to cook just yet.

“Looks like you had one thing go right, though,” Alex said.

“What are you talking about?” Y/N asked, confused.

“Whoever was at the store you stopped at must like you. They wrote you a note.” She said, pointing to the cup.

Y/N grabbed the cup, surprised at how she had not noticed the entire way home. Just underneath her name, in Wooyoung’s loopy handwriting:

I like you a latte.

 Y/N smiled, blushing at the thought of Wooyoung writing some cheesy pickup line on her cup.

“You’re blushing. You must like him.” Alex poked her roommate in the arm.

Y/N swatted her away. “Relax. I met him today.”

“So when are you going back?”

“Should I?”

“Uh, yes. You gotta let him know you saw the pickup line! And you definitely have to find out if it was a one-time thing. Go tomorrow.”

“Doesn’t tomorrow seem a little desperate?”

Alex shrugged. “It’s not like you’re the one writing pickup lines.”

Following Alex’s advice, Y/N headed back to the shop in hopes Wooyoung would be there. And sure enough, there he was, listening to the group of high school girls with a look of boredom.

“What do you think I should order, Wooyoung? I was thinking a mocha Frappuccino with chocolate whipped cream, but would that be too many calories? I should stick to regular whipped cream, right? I’m sure you’d know. You look like you work out.” The girl blabbered on.

“No idea, ma’am, but please make it quick. You’re holding up the line.”

The girl turned around to see Y/N in line, glowering at the much older girl.

“Well, I mean, there isn’t much of a line, right? Just some girl with a shirt that way too short, don’t you think?”

“I-” Y/N scoffed, visibly shocked, glancing down at her crop top. It wasn’t even that revealing!

“Easy for you to say. You’re wearing a uniform. Who’s to say you don’t dress like that too?” Wooyoung said, defending Y/N.

“Maybe we can meet outside of here and you can find out?” The girl pressed.

The ‘Authorized Personnel Only’ door swung open to reveal an annoyed San.

“Ladies, I hate to intrude on the fun, but as Wooyoung said, you are holding up the line. Since you’re indecisive, why don’t you slide over this way and decide while I open the register? Once it’s open, I can take care of you.”

The girls groaned, all sliding over except the most persistent one. “Why do we always have to move over?”

“May I remind you, Cassidy, I was hearing you from back there for the past ten minutes. To be nice, I lingered back there thinking you would eventually wrap it up. But you haven’t, and it’s just me and Wooyoung here, and you’re making us lose money. Also, don’t forget I have the power to ban you from the store. This is your first time here in, what, five months? I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be shunned again. Now, a mocha Frappuccino with chocolate whipped cream, was it?” San said, a smile plastered on his face.

The girl huffed in frustration, but moved nonetheless, freeing Wooyoung from her verbal suffocation.

“Why do you give this other barista a hard time, Cass? He’s hot, too.” One girl asked.

“Yeah, but this one has a girlfriend.” Cassidy rolled her eyes, causing San to chuckle from the drink station, shaking his head.

Y/N walked up to the counter, smiling shyly at the light-colored haired boy. “Seems like you’re quite the hit around here.”

Wooyoung chuckled, pretending to focus on something on his screen. “Something like that.” He glanced at her checkered, cropped button-up, which was tied into a messy bow at the end. “And your shirt is just fine, by the way.”

“Why thank you, I like it a latte.” Y/N smirked.

Wooyoung glanced at her, a blush visible on his cheeks, but said nothing. “Do you want the same as last time, or are you feeling adventurous?”

“Well, what would an adventurous drink be?”

He shrugged. “Lots of our drinks are, but one of the tamer ones is the Marshmallow Latte. It’s a vanilla latte with caramel and hazelnut and a roasted marshmallow on top.”

“You’re trying to give me coffee with a ginormous marshmallow on top?” Y/N asked incredulously.

Wooyoung looked off into the distance, seeming to ponder the question. “Well, yeah.”

Y/N sighed. “Alright, I’ll give it a try. If it’s gross I want my money back.”

“If you don’t like it, I’ll pay you back from my own pocket,” Wooyoung said confidently.

Y/N paid and moved out of line while Wooyoung moved to make her drink.

“You offered her the Marshmallow Latte? I thought you hated making those things. You always complain about roasting the marshmallows.” San said, surprised.

Wooyoung huffed. “You’re very nosey, you know.”

“I like to think of it as observant.”

Wooyoung walked away from the older boy, fetching the kitchen torch. He roasted the marshmallow, careful not to torch the cup. He had already written on it, after all.

“Marshmallow Latte for Y/N!” He shouted, setting the cup down. “Go head, try it. I’ll go get my wallet right now.” He challenged.

Y/N took a sip, her eyebrows raising in surprise. The caramel and hazelnut complemented each other deliciously but wasn’t overpoweringly sweet. Which was good, because that’s where the marshmallow came in.

“Well?” Wooyoung smirked.

“Damn. That’s good.” Y/N admitted defeat.

“Told you. I gotta get back to the register. See you, Y/N.” He waved.

Y/N was walking out, almost forgetting the motive of her visit. She peered down at her cup, and sure enough, there it was.

Can you pass the coffee and sugar? You just made me cream my pants.

Y/N covered her mouth, stifling a laugh. She turned back to the platinum-haired boy, who was helping another customer. He met her gaze, winking before closing the cash register.

The cycle repeated over the course of a month. Y/N walked in, Wooyoung would push her to try a drink and write a cheesy line on the cup.

Hey, they call me coffee cause I grind so fine

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so caramel me maybe?

Hey girl, are you a chai because I’d like to get dirty.

I can feel something brewing between the two of us.

I have no idea how you can look so great pre-coffee.

She had grown a collection in her tiny room. It was now Thanksgiving break. Y/N’s parents were out seeing the world now that she had moved out, so there was nowhere for her to go this year. She lounged in bed, twirling the latest addition to her collection.

I'm soy into you.

The shop was crazy busy that day, with students from all nearby schools cramming and getting their fix. When Y/N walked in, she was sure she wouldn’t get a pickup line. It was too hectic. Wooyoung was tapping the screen at the speed of light while San balanced making several drinks at once.

Y/N got on line and quickly ordered, with Wooyoung giving her a quick smile before taking the next customer.  She was so preoccupied with moving through the crowd, she didn’t notice Wooyoung tossing San a certain cup.

It was short and sweet, written hastily. It was then that Y/N decided she had to be bold. She knew he was planning to take off and see his family for the holiday, and she wanted to confront him before he left. Who knows what can happen when he leaves? He could realize he didn’t really like her, or find someone else who acted quicker…

Y/N jumped up from bed, getting ready. She was wearing a cropped tank top and sweats, so she threw on a long denim jacket and sneakers, heading out the room.

Alex was in the living room, channel surfing. “Where you flying off to?” She asked.

“I’m gonna tell him.”

“Woah, really? Wooyoung?”

“Yup.” Y/n grabbed her keys.

“Well, shit, wait for me! I can’t miss this!” Alex said, grabbing her anorak from off the coat rack.

Y/N and Alex got off the cab she insisted on hailing. She wanted to get there while her adrenaline was still on a high. She swung the entrance door open, storming in with Alex right on her tail.

It looked like a slow day, with San on the outer part of the counter, leaning against the display, eating popcorn and Wooyoung idly wiping the dishes.

“Wooyoung!” Y/N said, though it came out more like a gasp.

He turned around, smiling when he saw who it was. “Y/N! Thank God, for a second I thought it was Cass-”

“I like you.”

Silence filled the quaint shop. Even San stopped chewing momentarily, staring at the pair.

He handed the bowl to Alex. “Want some?” He asked, resuming his chewing. Alex laughed, grabbing from the bowl.

“W-wait, really?” Wooyoung asked, his stutter returning. “Are you sure you wanna take a chance on some random weirdo barista?” He laughed nervously.

“Well, when you put it like that, I don’t know. You know what I do know? You're a barista at a cafe I frequent and you think you’re being smooth with the coffee themed pickup lines you write on my cup, but they're just cheesy and I'm calling you out on it just to get your number, now.”

Wooyoung smiled, blushing furiously. “Is that so?”

Y/N nodded. “And I had to tell you before you ran off back home and wrote on another girl’s cup.”

Wooyoung laughed heartily. “Bold and jealous. I can dig it.” He nodded. “Well, did you come here all this way to tell me that or do you want a drink?”

“Actually,” San piped up, the pair momentarily forgetting they weren’t alone. “It’s been a slow day, why don’t we close up and do something fun? Like a double date or something?”

The words ‘double date’ caused Wooyoung and Y/N to turn suddenly, realizing Alex was snuggled up under San’s arm.

“WAIT. That’s your-” Y/N and Wooyoung said at the same time.

“So You knew who Y/N was this entire time, and you didn’t tell me?” Wooyoung narrowed his eyes.

“You never asked. And honestly, it was a lot more interesting this way.” San shrugged.

“Alexandria Watkins you shady lady.” Y/N shook her head.

“Hey! You could’ve been talking about a different Wooyoung, I didn’t know!”

“Oh right, because you’ll find a ton of Wooyoungs in the middle of New York City.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Anyways.” San interrupted. “Let me just lock up and we can spend the afternoon together, cool?” He said, kissing Alex’s forehead and heading to the back.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom really quick, we rushed over here so suddenly,” Alex said, disappearing too.

As soon as she was out of sight, Y/N was pulled into Wooyoung, who pressed his lips to hers in a chaste liplock.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He said, caressing her cheek.

“And now, you get to do it whenever you want.”

“Don’t tempt me, we can run out on those two right now.”

Suddenly, there was a sudden darkness from Wooyoung’s jacket being thrown over them.

“Let her breathe, geez! She JUST said yes to your creepy self.” San said, locking the registers. “Let’s go.”

They all walked out of the shop, San locking up and flipping the ‘open’ sign to the ‘gone Brewin!’ side.

“Alright, we’re good to go. Are you two seriously wearing just those little shirts and light jackets? It’s November.”

The girls shrugged.

San shook his head, heading to the edge of the street. He lifted his arm in the arm, shouting “Taxi!” A bright yellow vehicle pulled up immediately and he opened the door, letting the girls in, while Wooyoung got in from the other side. The four squeezed into the backseat.

“The Galleria, please,” San said, double-checking he had enough cash for the trip.

Wooyoung fished his phone out of his pocket, texting the family group chat.

“I’ll be home for Christmas, everyone. See you then!”

“Everything alright, son?” His mother replied.

“Everything’s fine.” He answered as Y/N slid her hand in his. He looked up at her, deep in conversation with Alex and San.

 “I met a girl.”

Thanks, Anon!

[lavishedinjimin]

Yoongi takes care of y/n after a stressful day and shows her how good her little tight pussy tastes.

↳ Pairing: yoongi x reader

↳ genre: smut, slight fluff at the end?

↳ word count: 1.3k

↳ warnings: cunnilingus, heh

— synopsis: In which Y/N comes home after a stressful day in school and Yoongi takes care of her in a different way.

a/n: go and check out my masterlist on my bio to see more

~

“Uh, hey, are you free on Saturday?” You spoke through the phone as you nervously bite on your nails. “We gotta meet up for the project.”

You sighed as you heard his reply. Another lame fucking excuse.

“Couldn’t you hang out with your friends some other time? The deadline for this is literally two days away and we have nothing on our table.”

The annoyance in your voice was clearly noticeable, but you tried your hardest to not shout at him. You despised group activities so much, plus you had other assignments and projects to deal with. You’ve never been more stressed than you already are.

You ran a hand through your hair, completely ran out and exhausted. “Okay, whatever. Just don’t fucking blame me if I didn’t put all of your names in the credits. Bye.”

You slam your phone down on your desk, groaning out loud right after. You close your eyes for a moment, trying to remain calm as you took some deep breaths. You don’t know if you could do everything all at once. It was nearly impossible. Everyone in your group decided to leave you alone and not help you in doing the activity – which wasn’t surprising at all. You knew from the very start that they would not participate either way.

You wanted to cry, really. Your philosophy professor just gave you two essays to submit tomorrow and one from Literature, which was to write a book report for Macbeth and Othello.

You scoff as you rolled your eyes. “Here we go again,” you mumbled.

Suddenly, the door opens and you immediately knew who it was. You instantly stand up from your seat and rush over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you lay your head on his shoulder. “Yoongi…” you sighed, inhaling his scent. You heard him chuckle as he places his arms around your waist, pulling you close to his body. “How are you, baby?” You move your head to look at him, pouting. “Horrible.”

He frowns from the tone of your voice. Even though he’s also tired from work, it was always his duty to attend to your needs first. He knows that you were stressed out, and fuck do he hates it to see you like that.

“I’m so stressed out. I’m packed with homework and I don’t know where to start. We also have this group project and of course no one wants to take part in it, leaving all the work to me. I’m just tired of feeling so overwhelmed all the time and you know I have exams next week as well—“

Yoongi noticed that you were seriously panicking and he quickly shuts you up by pressing his lips on yours. Your eyes widened in shock for a mere second but you instantly engulfed yourself in the kiss. Yoongi caressed your cheek with one hand as you felt him smile in between the kiss. “You should go easy on yourself, sweetheart.”

You yelp quietly as he pushes you on the bed, hovering above you without removing his lips. The kiss was so passionate and you can feel his love and care for you, as if he was telling you that you’re gonna be alright. And you will.

“Yoongi,” you moaned when his lips trail down from your jaw and down to your neck, gently teasing you as he sucked on the skin. You felt him smirk, loving your reaction. Your hips bucked up instinctively, making him grip your sides and hold you down.

“Don’t worry, baby. Let me take control.”

You bite your lip when he goes further south, eyes never losing contact on yours. You saw how his irises darken in lust. Your mind was somewhere else, you didn’t think of anything except wanting his touch. You obeyed him and relaxed, wanting him to take over you.

He pulls your leggings down, watching him lick his lips. He playfully tugs on the waistband of your panties, a chuckle emitting his lips when you jerk your hips up again in need. “Maybe you’re just aching to be touched again, babygirl. It’s been a while since I’ve had my tongue on you.”

You moan just from his words, making you wet in an instant. He pulls the garment down, groaning at the sight in front of him. “Please, Yoongi…” you whine as he collects your juices with his middle finger, sliding it against your folds. The small action already made you hornier than ever.

He chuckles, “My needy, little girl,” he brings his finger up to his mouth, sucking your juices and tasting you as he keeps eye contact. “You taste so fucking good, so sweet. What do you want, hmm?” He suddenly plays with your clit with his thumb, rubbing on it ever so gently, teasing you. You release a moan as you close your eyes, throwing your head back. “My fingers?” His head sinks down and abruptly licks your slick, tasting your wetness. “Or my tongue, hmm?”

You couldn’t even think properly at this point, the pleasure almost being too much. It has been a while since he had touched you like this because of how busy both of you had become, and it feels like the first time again. “B-both. I want both, please.” Yoongi smirks at your reaction, knowing that you’d say this. He complies as he enters a finger inside of your wet heat, focusing on your reaction carefully. He bites his lip at how tight you’ve become. “Damn, you’ve never been stretched out in a while, huh babygirl?” He suddenly enters another finger in and he starts to thrust it in and out, slowly at first.

“Yes, yes, oh god.” You whine as you clench around him. Yoongi leans in and sucks on your clit as his fingers move faster. His tongue draws patterns on your folds, making you arch your back and grip his hair. He groans from the feeling, the vibration sending waves of pleasure throughout your body. You were such in a euphoric state, and you couldn’t focus on anything else but his tongue and his fingers. “I could fucking eat you out all day, Y/N.” He slurs, smirking up at you. He quickly dives back in, his long and slender fingers going deeper and hitting your g-spot continuously. “Right there! Right t-there, ohh fuck,” you could feel your orgasm getting closer and closer, his digits fucking you harder.

“Can you come for me, baby? Go on,” He sucks on your clit for the last time, and it sends you over the edge as you cum around his fingers, your whole body twitching from the sensation. Pleasure floods all over your body as you keep clenching around his fingers.

Once you’ve calmed down, Yoongi lifts his fingers over to your mouth, motioning you to suck them. You obey as you opened your mouth, tasting yourself as you kept your eyes fixed on his. He smiled down at you as you licked his fingers clean, removing them with a pop.

“You did so well, baby. Did it feel good?” You nod vigorously, not having the energy to speak yet. He comes closer to your side as he press a kiss on your lips, “Don’t overthink too much, Y/N. Things will be stressful at first but if you just manage your time, it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay and get through this, that’s for sure. Macbeth and Othello can wait.”

“Wait, how did you know that I’d be…you know? Having an assignment about them?”

He chuckles, “I’ve seen your planner, and I couldn’t miss how you wrote ‘fuck you Shakespeare’ in a parenthesis right after their names. You’ll be okay babe.”

His voice immediately calms you down. Him telling you these advice means so much to you, and you were thankful for him. You always were, even if he’s not with you most of the time. “Thank you, Yoongi. Love you.” You smile at him and he gives you a big smile, the crinkles on his eyes appearing. “Love you more, baby.”

[fulcrumahsokaamidala]

Saturday Spectacular #20

Happy Saturday!!! So this is me thanking awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and all the time they put into their fics. ♥️ I want to recommend spectacular fanfic stories I read this week! ♥️ They are posted in the order I read them. All posts will be tagged #saturday spectacular fic rec

Airplanes, Coffee and Deadlines by @hope-for-olicity | Arrow | Completed

Summary: Felicity begins working at a national newspaper where she has always dreamed of working. On her first day, she meets a very interesting photojournalist. The two will eventually work together but sparks fly immediately.

It Will Be Fun. Trust Me. by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Felicity doesn’t agree with Oliver’s plans for a relaxing vacation. How will she ever get him to see her perspective?

Just Follow Me. I Know the Area. by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Rewrite of the infamous 3x01 date.

Now? Now you listen to me? by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: It’s moving day for our favorite Queens.

I Know You Didn’t Ask For This by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set in season 2.

I Might Just Kiss You by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set in season 2.

Yes, I'm Aware. Your Point? by @stephswims | Arrow |  One-shot

Summary: Established Olicity.

No, And That's Final. by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Established Olicity. Shopping for a present for Thea. Sort of.

Can You Stay? by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set in Season 2 after the Russia debacle.

There Is A Certain Taste To It by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Established Olicity.

Listen. I Can't Explain It. You'll Have To Trust Me. by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set in season 2. Day 10 of Fictober. Felicity has a feeling.

It's Not Always Like This by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Another Season 2 ficlet.

What If I Don't See It? by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set in Season 4.

I Never Knew It Could Be This Way by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Takes place in season 1.

I Can't Come Back. by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Set in Season 1 before Felicity finds out Oliver is the vigilante, or can be a completely separate AU.

That's What I'm Talking About by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Established Olicity builds a sunroom.

Listen. No, Really Listen. by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: The conversation that should have happened in Season 4 to prevent Season 5 stupidity.

There Is Just Something About Him by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: AU.

Secrets? I Love Secrets. by @stephswims | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Season 2.

I Wrote Your Name in My Heart by @alanna-the-lionheart | Arrow | Completed

Summary: One cold night in December, a group of men kidnap Oliver right in front of Felicity. They leave behind no ransom or demands, no hints to his fate, and no clues to follow. As the new year starts, the team begins to lose hope that they will ever be able to save the Green Arrow; all except Felicity, because Felicity just got Oliver back, and she’ll be damned if she’s going to lose him again. Her hope pays off in the end…but when they finally find Oliver, they find a broken man they barely recognize. Felicity vows to do whatever it takes to make the man she loves whole again. Started off as a future fic but is now technically alternate canon/AU (takes places starting in early December 2016).

The Legacy of a Queen by @inlovewithimpossibillity​ | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Series of one-shots from a future AU where Oliver and Felicity are able to raise their children after they defeat the Ninth Circle and Oliver hangs up the hood

Lucas’ Adventures by CSM | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Post 2x07. One late night in the foundry Oliver finds an abandoned baby, who he later finds out is his biological son, the only thing is the baby seems to think Felicity is his mother, which is impossible. Or is it? aka, Mia Smoak gets tired of her baby brother and sends him to 2013 where their unsuspecting parents find him. Companion piece to Impeccable Genetics.My contribution for the Olicity Summer Sizzle

Three Little Words by @realityisoverrated-fic | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Oliver Queen loves easily and fully. When he loves someone, those three little words come easily. For Tommy, love has always been something used against him. To Tommy, those three little words are dangerous.

There Are Two Sides to Every Story by @oneofthosecrazygirls-fics | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Susan Williams and Bethany Snow are two of Starling City’s most prominent journalists…but their styles are very different. This is a series of articles written by these two journalists from the time of the sinking of the Queen’s Gambit to the present day.**set in the What Should’ve Been ‘verse**

Ride or Die by @someonesaidcake | Arrow | WIP

Summary: They say that life is a series of events that we can neither predict nor control… And then there is him. He’s a bit of an enigma. ~*~*~*~Young CEO Felicity Smoak is just trying to make her mark on the world, yes she’s a little high strung and stressed, but it was what is was… until he came along. With eyes a girl could lose herself in and shoulder-tapping hair made for hanging on to Oliver Queen was reckless and carefree. Also, he rode a bike. He was everything she wasn’t and he was a sucker for those sinful red lips and everything that came with them.*main story complete, now snapshots*

missing the bullet by @alexiablackbriar13 | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: After Oliver and Mia's cage match wins in Russia, Mia ends up getting shot when Oliver tackles the man aiming at her rather than jumping in front of the bullet. (A sort of alternate spec for 8x05)

by your side by ppperaltiagooo | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | WIP

Summary: in which jake is sent undercover again and amy finds out she is pregnant while he’s gone.

Queen vs Queen by @muslimsmoak​ | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Felicity Mignonette Renaldi Smoak has been handling being a princess pretty well so far. After all, she did only find out at the ripe young age of 15. Now, she is 21 and ready to take the throne of Genovia after being under the tutelage of her aunt. But there’s only one thing in her way, wait, actually two. Two things in her way: Oliver Queen, the hot young bachelor she danced with the night of her homecoming ball, who neglected to mention that he’s after her crown alongside his uncle Malcolm Merlyn, and the fact that she has to marry within 30 days if she wants to be Queen. Ray Palmer, Duke of Keystone is sweet, sensitive, intelligent and kind and seems like the perfect choice. But marrying and falling in love are two different things.

Silent Killers by @oliversmuse​ | Arrow | Completed

Summary: Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak have been married for three years and work CSI for the FBI. This story will follow their relationship and the cases they encounter.

Passion Killer by @oliversmuse​ | Arrow | Completed

A Shot in the Dark by @oliversmuse​ | Arrow | Completed

Summary: Part of the Silent Killer's series. Oliver and Felicity try to solve the case of a mother that was shot in her car on the way to work.

If I Can't Have You by @oliversmuse​ | Arrow | Completed

Summary: Oliver and Felicity are called to a murder suicide. As they work together they try to unravel why a wife would kill her husband and then herself and where the couples marriage took a wrong turn. Part of the "Silent Killers" series.

Kerosene and Desire by @smoaking-greenarrow | Arrow | Completed

Summary: An Olicity Notebook AU with a darker twist.

Alpha by @oliversmuse | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Oliver Queen was a powerful vampire that was captured by a group experimenting on hybrids. Turned into a hybrid that is half vampire and half wolf he is strong, fast and deadly. While in captivity he meets Dr. Felicity Smoak a hermatologist who is called in to monitor his feedings. All Oliver wants is to be free, away from the experiments and being in a cage, and strangely he feels he can trust Dr. Smoak. There is also an unspoken attraction between them that is forbidden. Can he convince her to set him free or will her attraction to him tempt her to keep him close?

Leaves of Change by @hope-for-olicity​ | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Felicity Smoak returns to her small hometown of Silver Lake just in time for the Harvest Fest, she came home to get grounding and figure out what she wants to do next the last thing she expected was that she’d want to stay.

The Donor by @spaztronautwriter​ | Arrow | Completed

Summary: Felicity Smoak has always dreamed of being a mother and she isn't going to let a little thing like men stop her from making that dream come true. Having a baby by herself might just be biting off a little more than she can chew, but one way or the other it's about to change her whole life.

Like Real People Do by more0rLessJess | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Felicity Smoak has had a rough couple of years and all she wants to do is move on with her life and start her own tech company. After an incident at Queen Consolidated, she quit and accepted a job working as a technical analyst and computer expert at the Starling City Police Department, where she’s stuck for at least another year thanks to the non-compete clause she signed in her Queen Consolidated contract. But as much as she’d rather be in the tech world, she does love being able to help others. Plus she gets to do that with the help of a certain Detective, who she may or may not be attracted too. Oliver Queen just finished five years in the Army Special Forces and is only working as an SCPD Detective because his best friend and fellow soldier, John Diggle, said it would be good for him to help pull his life together after years of hardships in the military. Oliver expected to hate the job, but what he never expected was meeting the IT girl with a heart of gold and her own demons to deal with. Captain Quentin Lance just wants a functioning police department.

And My Arms Will Be (Just Like Walls Around You) by  imfallingforyoureyes102 | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: But then lightning hits again, thunder fracturing the silence, and the Oliver that Thea sees is ten thousand miles away from the Oliver she knows.  God, when she’d said he needed to let someone in she knew she was right.   His face is pale white - his mouth drawn into a tight, pained line - and the way Oliver clutches the doorknob like a lifeline is enough to draw a panicked breath from Thea’s small frame.  (Or, while Thea hides out in the kitchen during a party at the Queen Mansion, a thunderstorm hits and it's Oliver who's stumbling in through the doors on the verge of a panic attack. Thea's all too scared and all too shocked and it's only a certain blonde that comes tumbling in after him who is able to pull the shattered pieces of Oliver Queen back together).

Artemis by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: When the Queen’s Gambit sank, two people were stranded on Lian Yu. Five years later, four came back.

Daughter of the Demon by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: What if in 1988 while traveling through Las Vegas Ra’s al Ghul bumps into a nice waitress named Donna Smoak and they have one-night stand together? A little bundle of joy named Felicity Smoak is the result. In 2014, the Demon Head becomes aware of his youngest daughter’s existence.

The Ravager by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Slade Wilson’s plan for revenge against Oliver took time, money and no shortage of lives to pull together. His plan didn’t anticipate Felicity Smoak. How will his plan change now that his lost-lost daughter is working with the very man he’s trying to destroy?

Felicity of Themiscyra by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Years ago, Donna Smoak left the island of Themiscyra and her sister Queen Hippolyta behind to live in man’s world. She never told Felicity the truth about where she came from. As a result of the Undertaking, Felicity discovers some of her Amazonian abilities and makes an interesting new friend: Diana Prince.

The Daughter That Was Left by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Before the Gambit, Oliver Queen met QC intern Felicity Smoak. When he boarded the Gambit, he left something behind. Now, five long years later someone is waiting for him.

I Scream But No Sound Comes out by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: When Oliver returns from Lian Yu after five years, he comes back different. What happened there damaged more than just his body. How will his friends and family deal with this new Oliver?

How Not to Peel an Orange by imfallingforyoureyes102 | Arrow | Completed

Summary: “Oliver Queen, you give me back my orange!” 

Felicity jams her finger into his chest with a small grumble. 

“Yow! Hey, Edward Scissorhands,” Oliver growls, grabbing onto Felicity’s hand, his own hand absolutely engulfing hers. “Watch the claws.” 

Oh, I’ll show you claws Oliver,” Felicity retorts spitefully, yanking her hand out of his grasp and swatting his arm repeatedly. “Give me back my fracking orange!” 

(Or, after finishing a conversation with Laurel right outside the elevator bank, Oliver finds Felicity eyeing a small orange wearily. Laurel watches the amused banter that springboards back and forth between the two, and it isn't long before she sees exactly who Felicity Smoak is in Oliver Queen's life).

you got all my love to spend by @inlovewithimpossibillity​ | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Lingering on an executive floor to talk to an executive assistant seems a little unprofessional to Oliver. And that opinion definitely has nothing to do with the way that Felicity is laughing along to whatever the delivery guy is saying. Nothing at all.[Set early-S2, Oliver's pig-headedness rears its head but Felicity is taking none of it, leaving Oliver searching for a way to make it up to His Girl Wednesday]

late night secret gatherings by @alexiablackbriar13​ | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Post-8x04. Oliver catches Mia sneaking out of the apartment and follows her to find that she’s secretly meeting Connor in the bunker for stress relief in the form of training. What he witnesses between them is more than enough to cause his overprotective fatherly instincts to flare up.

Vows by Abbie | Arrow | WIP

Summary: After the Siege of Starling City by Slade Wilson, threats and pressures force Oliver and Felicity to take desperate measures to protect their secrets, their team—and their very lives.

In Another Life by @inlovewithimpossibillity​ | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: This world has his head spinning and he’s constantly alert for whatever it might throw at him next. He’s trying to stay vigilant in case another figure from his past appears or something else throws him for a loop. He never, in a million years, would have expected what comes out of Dinah’s mouth next, however.“That was Rene, he said that Zoe needs to get some homework done so could you collect Mia? You’re so out of it anyway that you might as well take the rest of the day off.”[8x06 spec AU within which Oliver's alternate reality brings him face to face with a figure he never expected to see again]

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

@hope-for-olicity @emdee8907 @malafle @laxit21 @icannotbelieveiamhere

[cadeeelewis-blog]

Portfolio Epilogue

Cade Lewis 

Fish Burton 

English 2010

December 8, 2019

Portfolio Epilogue

To begin, I will explain a series of events that have help me and pushed me to become the person that I am today. Exactly one year ago I started a journey that will change my life forever. I got home from a church mission about a year ago, and I started college right after. I didn’t exactly know what to expect, but I knew that it would be something great. I knew that if I put in a lot of effort, and a lot of time, that I would do really well. What I didn’t know, is that when I went into college there would be girls, parties, and lots of distractions.

Before we take a step further into my life, we will go back to about three years ago when I was in high school. I was about a junior or a senior, and I thought that I had everything going for me. I hung out with girls, and went to parties. I was so focused on everything except what was important in my life that I missed the big picture. I barely passed high school, and I cheated on a lot of my assignments. When I look back at all of this, I realize that I made a big mistake.

And that mistake that I made is that I should’ve spent time with my family, my friends, and I should’ve studied my brains out and got straight A’s in school. Now you may be thinking that every typical teenager goes through the same thing, but I had something happened to me that changed my life forever. In high school I fought with my dad all the time. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t have an argument or a conflict with him. I asked God so many times to help me through it, and to help me have a good and healthy relationship with my father. I knew within myself that part of it was me, but I blamed him. I had a moment one day when I came home from school and I got on my knees and I realized as I was praying that it was me. I realized that it was my fault, and that my life is determined by my actions.

Believe it or not, you would think that after someone serves a church mission that they would just be the most amazing person in the world. And I will tell you this. I changed more than I ever have before in my life, but that still makes me an imperfect person. When I first got to college, I fell back into my old ways and started partying, and hanging out with the wrong people, and it made me depressed. I went into college thinking that I was going to do music and I would kill it because of my natural talent and music ability. But what I didn’t realize, is that music is much more. Not only that, but life in general is much more. For anyone to succeed, they must put in some sort of effort. Sometimes that effort may be really big, but sometimes it only takes a slight amount of effort for someone to succeed or to take the next step in their life that they otherwise wouldn’t have taken.

After my first semester of college, and after a handful of D’s and F’s, I realized something. If you go along in life and everything seems great, and you seem stress-free, and nothings wrong, and you don’t have any trials, then you’re doing something wrong. Life is meant to have trials and life is meant to have growth and learning experiences. If you didn’t have these two things, then life itself would be pointless. There’s been many times in my life when I’ve been at that stage. I thought I was stress-free and worry free and that I was actually growing and learning but what happened was the opposite. I stayed where I was, and because of that I never learned anything and I didn’t grow. 

Now how does this relate to my English class for the semester? It does in these three ways. First, I learned a lot about time management. And in both good ways and bad ways. When I first started the semester you gave us no deadlines. I thought this would make life easy, but it actually made my life more difficult. I had a hard time figuring out when the essays were due, and I thought that I could put it off until the last minute because I had gobs of time. What happened was, is that by the time the middle of the semester came around, I didn’t have even the first essay done. It made it really difficult because then I started getting stressed out and worrying that I wouldn’t be able to complete all of the essays in time. So what I had to do, was I had to work my tail end off to barely get all the essays done by the end of the semester and I just barely turned the last one in today. My point is, is that in life, you must have discipline. You must have some form of roadmap that guides you and leads you in the right direction otherwise you’re going to have no form of where you’re going or where you wanna go to. You’ll have no sense of direction or time frame and so what happens is your whole world gets jumbled up and you have to pick up all the pieces and try to put them together in time. If I was smart, I would’ve put up a white board on my wall, and wrote down all the time frames and dates that I needed to turn the essays in and complete them one by one. I had to do this in the middle of the semester and I only had about 5 to 8 days to complete each essay. And so in turn, I had to rush through my essays and complete them by the dates instead of relaxing and having more time to complete the essays.

In life, this is going to happen in any situation. You’re going to have a job, or you’re going to have a class or whatever it is and you’re going to have to discipline yourself. You’re gonna have to set specific guidelines, and specific dates and goals that you have otherwise you are going to fall short and not complete whatever it is you’re completing in time. You’re going to run out of time and you’re going to hate yourself for it. A lot of people say the Commandments are rules and a lot of people hate them. But in reality they’re actually just guidelines to make your life less stressful. No I’m not saying that everyone has to be religious, and I’m not saying everyone has to follow those rules. My point is, that we each have our own individual guidelines that we must place in our lives otherwise we won’t be able to progress as human beings. Because regardless if you believe in God or not, each of us has a divine potential. We each have some sort of road that we need to go down if we are to be the person who we are supposed to be. No, that doesn’t mean that I have to be a musician, or he or she has to be a doctor. But each of us has her own specific talent, and it’s up to us if we want to maximize the talent, and be the best us that we can be.

I found in life, that the hardest thing to do is to continually stay motivated. The key to anything in life is consistency. If every time we went to McDonald’s their chicken nuggets were either really hot or really cold, you probably would ask yourself if you should keep going there. Because every time you went there you wouldn’t know if the chicken nuggets were going to be hot or cold and so you wouldn’t want to risk it. You’d rather go to let’s say Wendy’s, who maybe their chicken nuggets aren’t as hot as McDonald’s but you wouldn’t risk the chance of them being cold. Because every time you went into Wendy’s, they were consistent. The chicken nuggets were warm, their burgers were warm, and the drinks were ice cold. You wouldn’t be worried about going in at Wendy’s and their drink being warm and you spitting it out into the trash. Anything in life is about consistency and doing the same thing over and over and over again. This gets you in a good habit and helps you to develop a routine.

As far as English goes, I have tried this system and it has really worked out for me this semester. And that brings me to the second thing that I will share, is that I have learned to be confident and be consistent in my writing. In the middle of the semester when I set those goals and those deadlines, I did everything in my power to follow it because I knew I was on a time crunch. Granted, I wish I would’ve completed those sooner, but I didn’t. I did learn though, that consistency is key. I did the same thing every day. I would sit down, And I would look at the essays that I had written so far and I would see the progress I’ve made and I would keep going on it. I wouldnt just stop halfway through the essay and give up and tell myself that it was good enough. I told myself that I needed to be the best, and so I worked and worked and spent time doing research to make sure that my essays were exactly what I wanted them to be and that they were something that I admired and I felt like it was admirable.

The third thing that I will share that I have learned is to read and read and read. You won’t know anything unless you read and you do your research. I couldn’t go writing five essays on electric cars if all I knew about an electric car was that I had a battery. What is there to write about? You wouldn’t have anything to write on and you’d be stuck in the same spot every single time you try to write an essay. You must go out of your way to do research, read books, read the description of the essay so you know exactly what to write on, and you’ll be pretty much set. 

I have learned so much during the semester, and I’m so glad that I had the opportunity to be in an English class with so many awesome people. Even though I missed a few days in class, and a couple of those days I was sick, I still appreciate and love working with each one of you to develop my skills as a writer. And even though I am a pretty sucky writer in my opinion, I still gave it my all, did my best, and made sure that I followed the instructions so that I’d be happy and I’d have something great to turn in. I’m glad that I have the opportunity to be in college and to be working with so many awesome professors and teachers as well. And I’m especially grateful for you Fish, & your willingness to help each one of us to develop our own abilities as writers. I appreciate that during your lectures you go out of your way to help us understand that we can do anything we set our minds to. I appreciate that you’re chill, and that you let us go down our own path. I know for a fact that it has helped every single one of us in the class to become better writers. And I think that’s the main goal as a teacher or professor is to help students be better than from what they were before. I’m so grateful for everything that you’ve done for me and for the class and I hope to continue working with you and developing my talents. God bless America. 

[anatomyandcappuccini]

HOW TO BE READY FOR SEPTEMBER

AND WHY IT IS THE PERFECT MONTH FOR FRESH STARTS

Hey! It’s been a long time since I wrote a master post here... And I’m really sorry about that. I had a pretty busy summer and honestly, I wasn’t that inspired. I barely had time to manage my new studygram (btw it would mean the world if you follow me!!).

However, I’m back now, stronger than ever as I got the opportunity to live tons of new experiences this summer... Good and bad. I learned a lot and I’m grateful for everything this period brought to me.

Now, let’s get to the true subject of this post, which is how to get ready for September!

Why September ?

Because September is a month that I personally love since it means that a new school/uni year will start, and I think it’s the best season to try something new or to switch your routine a bit. I’ve always been better at taking new initiatives in September than for the NYE and I noticed that every year I apply the same kind of ritual. 

We’re in the middle of August right now and I think it’s the best moment to prepare yourself a bit so you can start September in the best way possible :)

I also think you can link this article to a previous one that I consider super important and you can read it here if you haven’t already done it! :) 

Step 1 - Reflect

Take a step back and think about what you did during this last year. If you were at school, think about what you want to get better at, what skills you may want to improve and/or which study method really worked for you and which didn’t. 

Think about your current routine and/or the one you have right now and ask yourself if it will be sustainable once you start school, or how you’ll be able to do it whilst going to school every day. 

This will let you reflect on what you learned during this year, what you’d like to know more of, and what mistakes you may have made. Be thankful for every experience you have faced, and always remember that experiences make you grow as a person. Don’t criticize yourself, don’t judge, just observe, say « thank you » and use this as a way to become more mature and closer to the person you want to be. 

Also, don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself as this “reflection” time will really help you to set up your goals for this new fresh start.

Step 2 - Write down your goals

What do you want to improve? Do you want to start a new routine? Do you want to get rid of a bad habit? Do you want to get better grades in maths? 

Write down everything and be as clear as possible. You can also separate each goal by its specificity. I like to make 3 columns, one for each kind of goal :

My new routine goals : ex. Waking up earlier, eating more home cooked meals, doing homework right after going home, etc.

What I want to stop : biting my nails, neglecting maths, etc.

What I need to maintain : day-by-day planning, studying a little every day, actually reading the textbooks, etc. 

The most important thing is that your goals have to be achievable. Start slowly but surely!! 

Think about how you’re gonna achieve what you want, find new strategies, do some research and/or ask for tips! 

You can also start working on your goals right now so it will be easier once school starts. For example, my goals for September are to be able to wake up earlier, going to the gym more often and also trying to do more meditation. In order to achieve that, I’m already changing my routine because I have a lot of free time so I can “test” this routine and see if I’ll be able to stick to it once I start uni again. I’ll then adjust it in function of how it feels :)

Don’t be afraid to dream big!!

Step 3 - Get into the mood

September means a new start, and new starts mean that you’re allowed to change your environment! Here’s my non-exhaustive list about what you can do :

Review some topics that have to be well known for the incoming year. You’re late with the math program? It’s the best time to get in touch with it again! I know it may be super boring but you’ll be much less stressed when you start the year :)

Download apps and/or buy some books that will be useful for the incoming year! Ask to previous year students what helped them and ask for advice ! You may know super useful tips you never thought of!

Upgrade your studyspace/bedroom (check my article about this!) - it’s like buying new workout clothes : it motivates you much more. I remember when I switched my desk and bed I actually wanted to spend all my free time in my bedroom! 

Buy new stationery - new planners, pens, agendas, notebooks! Of course, don’t buy tons of useless stuff and make sure you’ll actually use them (even if having 10 super cute notebooks seems really tempting :P ) 

Make a September playlist!! I always love doing this, most of the time I add happy and motivating songs so they get me in the best mood ever :D

Make your vision/dream board!! This is the most amusing and creative way to help you visualize your goals! Save images/pictures/quotes that you like, and print them or make a collage and make it your new computer wallpaper or hang them in your bedroom. You just have to put it in a place where you’ll be able to see it every day!! By doing so, you’ll actually wake up every morning seeing your dream board and you’ll start the day feeling more inspired !

Talking about inspiration, I think September is a good moment to get rid of toxic stimulations. We may not notice it but most of us tend to spend a lot of time on social media. I don’t know you but I had a period in my life where I just woke up in the morning and the first thing I would do was checking Instagram and most of the time I fell so upset about my life when I was seeing all the “dreamy” pictures taken by “influencers”. It made me feel so bad that one day I decided to unfollow all these pages that made me feel like crap. For each page/person that you follow on social media, try to ask yourself if it actually inspires you or it just makes you feel bad/anxious about yourself. Unfollow every page that doesn’t bring you anything positive or that is not helping you get motivated. Follow instead pages that support the same things as you and that inspire you to be the best version of yourself!!! Remember P-O-S-I-T-I-V-I-T-Y is the key to success :)

Start a bujo, and plan your year ahead. Write down all due dates, exam dates, vacations and everything you want! Make reading lists, movie lists, new recipes, challenges, etc. I find it to be so practical and also creative. 

Start a new TV show! Since I started this studyblr I discovered Gilmore Girls and I absolutely love it!! It’s really relaxing to watch and Rory Gilmore is definitely my inspiration character haha. Just remember that watching 3 seasons in a row is a bit anti-productive :P 

Get informed about college applications/internships/jobs or everything related to your academic future. It’s always better to be informed soon so you can already prepare yourself.

Start a studyblr/studygram : I found it to be the best source of motivation I’ve ever had. Starting this blog is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!! This community is honestly amazing and I love how supporting and genuine it is! I find it to be so inspiring and you guys share so many great tips!

So that’s it! I know that you may be very upset that school/uni/work starts soon but you can make this new start more fun! Personally, I always get a bit stressed in September because of the all coming deadlines but following these tips always helped me figure out what I need to do or what habits I need to change in order to SLAY this new academic year :D

I hope these tips will help you and that you’ll have a great fresh start on your first day!

Margot X

STUDYGRAM

[songstoriesmikawrites]

Chapter 3

20XX/10/03/ - Noon

Arriving on the seventh floor of the old office building Liz stealthily made her way to her desk. She wasn't a particularly organized person and keeping her workplace tidy wasn't her strong point either. Several pens were scattered on the desk, burying a dozen “Post Its” under them. Whenever Liz had an idea for an article or found out a new piece of information on the topic she was currently doing research on, she would drabble it on a piece of paper and stick it on whatever free space was left on the table. Her boss, Meredith, would often fall into despair while trying to find something in all the chaos. Liz, however, always knew exactly where everything was, much to Meredith's astonishment. Well, it clearly helped that the young woman wrote everything in different colors, assigning one color per topic. So, one could argue that there was a certain type of system in all the mess. A systemized chaos so to speak.

Barely having sat down, Liz could already hear an annoyed “Achem.” behind her. Uh, oh. Of course, she saw me sneaking in just now. Gulping, she slowly turned around on her revolving chair and was faced with her boss who had a rather sour look on her face. “Well, hello there Meredith! What brings you to my humble working space right after lunch break?” I might as well try to play it innocently. Who knows, it might work. “Elizabeth Glaze!” Or not. Full name means bad news.

Clearly agitated, the woman in front of her wasn’t in the mood for her antics. Scowling, she started one of her lectures. Lectures which Liz had heard more often than she would’ve liked. “You are late. Again! How many times did this happen this month now?” “Uhm, I don’t know. I mean, who’s counting rea-“ “That was a rhetorical question!” “…Oh.” “Don’t Oh me young lady! You know I don’t mind you being two or five minutes late, but fifteen?! One could write a small column in that amount of time! And if I add up the amount of time you’ve been late this month – you could have finished writing a whole book in that time!” Now that is clearly an exaggeration. I haven’t been late that many times. …Have I?

Liz wanted to interrupt her boss and explain to her that it wasn’t her fault this time, but she knew that interrupting a Latina when she was this angry wasn’t the best idea one could have. Something she had learned by experience – an experience she’d rather forget. Normally, Meredith was a very chill boss. The Mexican woman in her late thirties gave her writers a lot of space in organizing their way of working. As long as one met the set deadline she didn’t really care on how her employees organized their work time or what they did to acquire their information. But the two things that ticked her off were tardiness and being unpunctual. Two things that fit Liz’s character to a T. How she was still alive and kicking at this point was a mystery to her. Maybe it helped that Meredith actually considered her her best writer.

“…you know I hold your work in high regards Liz.” Ah, back to calling me Liz again. I’m safe. Sensing her boss calming down, her clenched muscles relaxed. Liz hadn’t even noticed how tensed up she had been. But then again anybody would feel intimidated by the temper of a woman with as much passion as Meredith. Although having settled down a bit, she unfortunately wasn’t completely done with her lecture yet.

“But you always being late, it sets a bad example for others. Especially for Violet.” “Who?” Liz perked up. “The new girl.” “We have a new girl?” Seeing the quizzical look on her employee’s face Meredith let out an exasperated sigh. “Liz I thought as a journalist you would pay more attention to your surroundings! Violet has been with us for three weeks now! She was assigned to cover the serial murder case in our neighboring town. The one where the killer abducts his victims before murdering them by slicing their throats.”

Slowly a look of realization spread on the brunette’s face. “Aaah, Milton! Now I remember! There really are quite a lot of murderers out and about right now. Really dangerous times we live in right now.” Meredith blinked. “Yeah, well… Anyways, now that you remember Violet, what I was saying, you set a bad exa-“ “No.” “Wait, what?” “I don’t. Remember her, that is. I mean, I remember the case. But I still have no idea who that Violet girl is supposed to be.”

Meredith couldn’t believe what she just heard. “Liz! How can you not know!? Her desk is literally right behind yours!” Woah, why is she so angry at me now??? I’m not required to be besties with everyone here. Besides I’m pretty sure I’ve never even seen that girl before. … I think. Well, at least I for sure haven’t talked to her.

Admittedly Liz was now a bit curious about the mystery coworker so she leaned sideways to catch a glimpse past her boss at the desk behind hers. Huh? “Meredith…” she started in a doubtful tone. “Yes?” “There’s nobody there.” “What?!” Surprised, the older woman turned around herself. And really, the chair where Violet was supposed to be sitting was empty. Smirking Liz asked in a teasing tone “Meredith have you pulled a few all-nighters again this week? It seems your sleep deprived self fancied itself a new employee.” By the look her boss gave the brunette after that remark it was clear that she was about done dealing with her so-called top-writer today. “Very funny, Liz. Oh, just what would I do without your comedic input?” “Well-“ “Don’t comment on that.” Damn.

“Anyways, actually it’s very much possible that Violet is over in Milton right now. Apparently another woman was kidnapped yesterday night.” Oh, reaaally now. You could have said that before. “Don’t give me that look. I just happened to forget about it for a second with you stirring me up like that again.” Meredith crossed her arms before deciding she’d had enough of Liz for the time being. “I guess I’ve wasted enough time lecturing you. For now. I’m afraid it falls on death ears anyways.” Wow, someone’s being salty today!

“That said, you better start typing soon young lady. We have to cover this morning’s events in tomorrow’s issue. I expect your article in my office in three hours max.” With that her boss turned on her black heels and strode back to her office followed by a fake enthusiasm exclaiming “Yes, Ma’am.” from Liz. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m the only person here whom she actually pays attention to. I’d be happier if she’d decide to forget about my lateness too.

A sigh escaping her lips the brunette began working on the desired article. However, doing that meant she’d have to recollect the events from this morning. Meaning she’d have to go over her interaction with him again. Now that I think about it… I wonder if it’s the same for Meredith. Is handling me equally as irritating to her as dealing with that cop is to me? Pondering about that possibility a tiny spark of guilt rose up inside Liz as she started typing on her laptop. 

Dear Whoever Do you remember, It’s me old, Whatshername Against The Current - Forget Me Now

[swtltlmrvlgrl]

Three, Four then Five

Summary: Sebastian Stan AU, where Sebastian Stan is your childhood friend. You can seem to hide secrets from your best friend even if you try to. You ended up telling him something more than your secret.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan X Reader

Warning: Angst, Language, Mentions of Death

A/N:  This was originally a Bucky x Reader fan fic, but in the middle of writing this fic, I realized that maybe using Sebastian would be better (?) This is the second fan fic that I’ve ever written (and this was written in the midst of me writing my undergraduate thesis hehe)  And I think it’s better than the first one I wrote (?) As a part of my new year goals, I plan to write at least 5 fan fics, so four more to go yey!! Haha.

Number of Words: 1,436

I will be tagging my favorite people here on tumblr, if you don’t want to be tagged in the next 4 fanfictions that I will write for this year, feel free to tell me.

Also, if you have imagines/requests, I will take note of them and try to incorporate them in my future fics :D

Tags: @alphaabucky@smilexcaptainx @imperialnova @sebbys-girl @violentlyfarts @brighterlights @imyourliquor-youremypoison @bovaria @lowkeybuckytrash @callamint @sarahwroteathing @beccaanne814-blog @harleyqueen7

               You were fixing your bed when you heard your phone beep, alerting you that you received a message. You were surprised to see that it was from your best friend telling you that he will be arriving at your apartment in about 30 minutes. He doesn’t usually text you when he wants to go your place; he just knocks on the door and barges right in, most of the time.  

               Wow. You actually told me that you’re coming. That’s new. :)

After responding to his message, you immediately went to the comfort room and washed your face. You put on aloe vera cream around your puffy eyes. From your reflection on the mirror, you noticed that your clothes were wrinkled -maybe a result of you twisting and turning around your bed the whole night- so you decided to change your clothes. You wore your favorite sweater and matched it with your favorite cargo pants. You went to your fridge to check if you have enough supplies to feed a Sebastian Stan, and just one look you know that it wasn’t enough, so you texted him.

Gonna order pizza. You want?

And he immediately replied,

Already have, doll. ;)

You are such a reliable man. What can I do without you? :) <3

Easy there, doll. I didn’t mention anything about sharing. :P

You love me, Seb and you’re gonna give me everything. :P

He didn’t respond after that.

“He’ll be arriving soon.” You told yourself and went to the soft brown sofa, you lied down and played with your phone.  When you were about to defeat the monster in the rpg that you were playing, you heard a knock on the door. Since food is more important than your game, you left it behind and opened the door. You were greeted by a blue-eyed man, carrying a box of pizza, two boxes of chocolates on top and two bottles of root beers.

“Wow, Seb. What’s the occasion? Come inside” You grabbed the bottles and the boxes of chocolates. “Did you win a bet or something?”

Sebastian looked at you, confused by your statement. “No. I... don’t know. I just woke up and felt that I wanted to see you and check on you.”

You giggled. “I always knew you were impulsive, but not THIS impulsive.”

When you were about to take the box of pizza that he was holding, you looked at him and found that he was staring at you. “What? Is there dirt on my face?”

He stared at you for a little while longer, his face painted with worry and finally said, “Are you alright?” You smiled at him. “Of course I am! How about you are you okay? I’m sure you’re tired from carrying these stuff around. Just sit there by the table, and I’ll just get the plates.”

You took the box of pizza and placed it on top of the table and took some plates at the cabinets. While you were doing this, you can still feel Sebastian staring at you. To beat the awkward ambience, you changed the topic and ranted about the amount of office work that you had to do during the past few days.

“I did not sleep for two days to make a long-ass research paper, only to find out that Dr. Nick moved the deadline to next week. Bring back my precious sleep you damn doctor! ” Then you shoved the remaining piece of pizza into your mouth.

“Well, at least you’re done” he paused, stretched his hands into your lips and took a small piece of ham. “More time for me then.” He smiled.

“Yeah. Well you’re the busier one, being an actor and all.” You smiled back, with bits of cheese still present between your teeth.

The two of you finished the whole box of pizza. You picked up the utensils that you used and washed it. While you were washing the dishes, you felt Sebastian slowly approaching you. He stopped right behind you and said, “Y/N. I’m only gonna ask this one more time. Are you really alright?”

You could feel his breath at the back of your neck. You wanted to tell him everything, to hug him tightly and cry, but all you did was rinse the plates, place it in the cabinet and face him. “I’m alright, Seb. Let’s just go watch some netflix. I heard Civil War’s already on it.” And for the second time, you faked a smile, patted his shoulder and sat down at the sofa in front of the television.

Sebastian sighed and walked towards the television and turned it off.  He grabbed his phone and played “Marry Your Daughter” by Brian McKnight. He then slowly walked towards you, his hands reaching out to you. “Will you dance with me, Y/N?”

It took you a moment to let it all sink in, this was definitely a bold move from your friend. You weren’t that much of a dancer and you were definitely not a fan of dancing randomly inside your flat, but you still reached out to his hands and took it. You danced with him, maybe because of the guilt from lying to him or maybe because you just can’t say no to that smile -complemented by those blue eyes-plus the fact that you can’t ignore your best friend trying to cheer you up.

With your arms wrapped around his neck, and his hands around your hips, the two of you swayed in perfect sync with each other. Your bodies were moving with the music from the radio and your souls were dancing with the music of the wind. It was an intimate moment between the two of you; you felt the warmth of each other’s bodies and at the same time you felt the warmth of each other’s hearts.  The two of you were connected. The two of you became one.

Breaking the musical trance that the two of you were in, Sebastian finally spoke up.

“Y/N.”

“Hmm?”  You answered, your head still resting on Sebastian’s chest. The two of you were still swaying and gliding through the notes. You were listening to his voice, it was calming and relaxing. His voice was music to your ears.

“We’ve been together since we were young. I know how much you love to run around the streets when it’s raining and how much you hate the fact that you get asthmatic afterwards.” You chuckled, he continued. “The first time you cried for a week because an asshole dumped you, the time when you shouted out and cursed out his name, the time when you were confused if you loved him or hated him or both – I was there and I witnessed it all. I was there when you heart was broken a year ago” He paused. And took a deep breath.  “... when your father died. At that time, you were pretending that you were okay, you kept smiling and I didn’t do anything about it. An -  ” He stopped dancing. He cupped your head and craddled it into his soft hands, and he looked straight into your eyes.

“And it’s breaking my soul. Seeing you like this. Just thinking that, a year after your father’s death, you’re still there pretending. Smiling.  Smiling, when deep inside I know you’re broken.”

Hearing the word ‘broken’ made your stomach churn, it was true. You were broken.  A tear fell from your left eye. In your attempt to break free from Sebastian’s grip and hide your emotions, you hugged. But Sebastian, he wasn’t just hugging you back. He was embracing you, he was holding and putting together all the pieces of your broken soul.

You can feel your heart bursting from emotions – with so many feelings for your childhood friend. You weren’t just grateful for him, no, it was much more than gratitude and you didn’t know how to express it. A mere ‘thank you’ won’t suffice; those two words are not enough. You needed something more than two words to express your feelings.

“I love you, Sebastian”

Three words and it felt more than enough.  

He pulled you closer to him and his embrace felt tighter. He rested his chin on top of your head, you can feel his warm breath travelling through the strands of your hair. “It took you long enough.” He chuckled.

He broke free from your tight embrace. He looked into your eyes. Your soul was drowning as were looking back at him - at his steel-blue eyes. Your heart was beating fast, and you can feel that his heart was too.

“And I love you, too. Y/N. I love you very much.”

Four words, and then five.

[mikakomori]

Song No.1 - Chapter 2

So after f-o-r-e-v-e-r  I finally got down to write something for Song Stories again!  (I may have forgotten it existed.) That said Chapter 2 is rather short compared to the first chapter but well, better than nothing, I guess. Here are the words I vomitted so far: Ouverture Song No. 1 - Chapter 1 Also here’s the wattpad link again. Now here’s Chapter 2 then!

Chapter 2

Arriving on the seventh floor of the old office building Liz stealthily made her way to her desk. She wasn't a particularly organized person and keeping her workplace tidy wasn't her strong point either. Several pens were scattered on the desk, burying a dozen “Post Its” under them. Whenever Liz had an idea for an article or found out a new piece of information on the topic, she was currently doing research on, she would drabble it on a piece of paper and stick it on whatever free space was left on the table. Her boss, Meredith, would often fall into despair while trying to find something in all the chaos. Liz, however, always knew exactly where everything was, much to Meredith's astonishment. Well, it clearly helped that the young woman wrote everything in different colors, assigning one color per topic. So, one could argue that there was a certain type of system in all the mess. A systemized chaos so to speak.

Barely having sat down, Liz could already hear an annoyed “Achem.” behind her. Uh, oh. Of course, she saw me sneaking in just now.

Gulping she slowly turned around on her revolving chair and was faced with her boss who had a rather sour look on her face. “Well, hello there Meredith! What brings you to my humble working space right after lunch break?” I might as well try to play it innocent. Who knows, it might work.

“Elizabeth Glaze!”

Or not. Full name means bad news.

Clearly agitated the woman in front of her wasn’t in the mood for her antics. Scowling she started one of her lectures. Lectures which Liz had heard more often than she would’ve liked.

“You are late. Again! How many times did this happen this month now?”

“Uhm, I don’t know. I mean, who’s counting rea-“

“That was a rhetorical question!”

“…Oh.”

“Don’t Oh me young lady! You know I don’t mind you being late two or five minutes, but fifteen?! One could write a small column in that amount of time! And if I add up the amount of time you’ve been late this month – you could have finished writing a whole book in that time!”

Now that is clearly an exaggeration. I haven’t been late that many times. …Have I?  Liz wanted to interrupt her boss and explain to her that it wasn’t her fault this time, but she knew that interrupting a Latina when she was this angry wasn’t the best idea one could have. Something she had learned by experience – an experience she’d rather forget.

Normally, Meredith was a very chill boss. The Mexican woman in her late thirties gave her writers a lot of space in organizing their way of working. As long as one met the set deadline she didn’t really care on how her employees organized their work time or what they did to acquire their information. But the two things that ticked her off were tardiness and being unpunctual. Two things that fit Liz’s character to a T. How she was still alive and kicking at this point was a mystery to Liz. Maybe it helped that Meredith actually considered her her best writer.

“…you know I hold your work on high regards Liz.”

Ah, back to calling me Liz again. I’m save.

Sensing her boss calming down her tensed muscles relaxed. Liz hadn’t even noticed how tensed up she had been. But then again anybody would feel intimidated by a Latina’s temper. Although having settled down a bit Meredith wasn’t completely done with her lecture yet.

“But you always being late, it sets a bad example for the others. Especially for Violet.”

“Who?” Liz perked up.

“The new girl.”

“We have a new girl?”

Seeing the quizzical look on her employee’s face Meredith let out an exasperated sigh. “Liz I thought as a journalist you would pay more attention to your surroundings! Violet has been with us for three weeks now! She was assigned to cover the serial murder case in our neighboring town. The one where the killer abducts his victims before murdering them by slicing their throats.”

Slowly a look of realization spread on the brunette’s face. “Aaah! Now I remember! There really are quite a lot of murderers out and about right now. Really dangerous times we live in right now.”

Meredith blinked. “Yeah, well… Anyways, now that you remember Violet, what I was saying, you set a bad exa-“

“No.”

“Wait, what?”

“I don’t. I mean, I remember the case. But I still have no idea who that Violet girl is supposed to be.”

Meredith couldn’t believe what she just heard. “Liz! How can you not know!? Her desk is literally right behind yours!”

Woah, why is she so angry at me now??? I’m not required to be besties with everyone here. Besides I’m pretty sure I’ve never even seen that girl before. … I think. Well, at least I for sure haven’t talked to her.

Admittedly Liz was now a bit curious about the mystery coworker so she leaned sideways to catch a glimpse past her boss at the desk behind hers.

Huh?  “Meredith…” she started in a doubtful tone.

“Yes?”

“There’s nobody there.”

“What?!” Surprised the older woman turned around herself. And really, the chair where Violet was supposed to be sitting was empty.

Smirking Liz asked in a teasing tone “Meredith have you pulled a few all-nighters again this week? It seems your sleep deprived self fancied itself a new employee.”

By the look her boss gave the brunette after that remark it was clear that she was about done dealing with her so-called top-writer today. “Very funny, Liz. Oh, just what would I do without your comedic self?”

“Well-“

“Don’t comment on that.”

Damn.

“Anyways, actually Violet is over in Milton right now. Apparently another woman was kidnapped yesterday night.”

Oh, reaaally now. You could have said that before.

“Don’t give me that look. I just happened to forget about it for a second with you stirring me up like that again.” Meredith crossed her arms before deciding she’d had enough of Liz for the time being. “I guess I’ve wasted enough time lecturing you. For now. I’m afraid it falls on death ears anyways.”

Wow, someone's being sharp today!

“That said you better start typing soon young lady. We have to cover this morning’s events in tomorrow’s issue. I expect your article in my office in two hours.” With that her boss turned on her black heels and strode back to her office followed by a with fake enthusiasm exclaimed “Yes, Ma’am.” from Liz.

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m the only person here whom she actually pays attention to. I’d be happier if she’d decide to forget about my lateness too.

A sigh escaping her lips the brunette began working on the desired article. However, doing that meant she’d have to recollect the events from this morning. Meaning she’d have to go over her interaction with him again.

Now that I think about it… I wonder if it’s the same for Meredith. Is handling me equally irritating to her as dealing with that cop is to me?

Pondering about that possibility a tiny spark of guilt rose up inside Liz as she started typing on her laptop.

Have you searched for something deeper out of fear that life's a lonely road?

Have you roamed the darkest corners of the earth, until you're just a ghost?

*Song lyrics belong to the rightful artist*

[shreyasken]

The Fallback

As usual, Apu woke up at 6:45 am. He checked his phone and realised that this is the first out of the three alarms he schedules on a weekday. One at 6:45 am, next at 7, and the last one at 7:15. 7:15 - that is the deadline for him to get up, otherwise he will be late for gym.

He pressed the snooze button and drifted back to sleep, thinking he will get up with the next alarm. He does as well. 7 am - good time to wake up. He got out of the bed, and folded his quilt. Then he held the loft, and pushed his body forward. The folding and the stretching are important to him. They lighten him up; motivate him for his next routine.

Thereafter, he brushed his teeth and undressed. He looked at himself in the full-length mirror, assured that yes, he is losing weight. He wore a light tee and basketball shorts, and walked towards the kitchen. Eating some dry fruits, he contemplated on getting a cup of black coffee. 'Caffeine early in the morning gives you an adrenaline kick, and makes you work harder than expected at the gym' - he had read somewhere. He decided against it, and started walking to the gym.

On one of these routine days, he correlated this walk to various sequences of a regular movie. Starting at his apartment - calm, peaceful, birds chirping around. Then a left turn, and here comes the butchers’ lane. The whole lane is lined up with meat selling shops (full of hues and cries of the animals) and garbage. These animals in the cages, as a collective, do not have an emotion. Some of them are not anticipating anything, as they do not know how a free animal’s life is supposed to be. But some of them have caught a glimpse of their friends getting cut into pieces, and are worried if today is their day. The shop owners do not sympathize with these animals. They are fresh, happy, and are looking forward to the day with a cup of tea in their hands. The sentiment of this road (according to Apu’s the-trip-to-gym-resembles-a-movie) is chaos, confusion and tension. This lane leads to the main road, wherein many humans appear. They are waiting at the bus stop, driving their cars, or are running towards their workplaces. This road represents the movie's high-paced climax, involving a million sidekicks of the villain and the hero, who tears every obstacle apart and reaches to his destination (in this case the gym). The gym, located in a quiet area, represents the end of the movie - beautiful scenery, happy people, and a better future. 

However, understand that Apu does not go through the whole emotional cycle everyday. This was a one-off thought. On a regular day, he plugs in his earphones and listens to his three favorite songs - ‘Alright’ by Kendrick Lamar, ‘Run the Jewels’ by Run the Jewels, and ‘These Walls’ again by Lamar. You might think that he listens to these high-energy songs to prepare himself for the gym, but that’s not the case. They do not affect him. Lately, nothing affects him at all, and that is what he has been aiming for from a long time.

The gym session is exhaustive and dreadful. In Apu's head it is a drag, but he tries to be optimistic about it. Apu is not a healthy guy, so he wears out in the first 20 minutes. The remaining 40-50 minutes is just pushing himself till the workout regime ends. The best thing to come out of the gym for Apu is going back home, looking at himself in the mirror again, and drinking his protein shake.

He then gets ready for work, and reaches office by 9:45. The 15 minutes early arrival is to eat breakfast at the office pantry. Work is good - Apu enjoys what he does, and gives in a 100%. He speaks to his colleagues politely, and keeps everything organised. His work, demanding and challenging, takes up around sixty percent of his work hours. The rest of his workday is spent in different activities - stalking people on social media, observing his females colleagues, and thinking about what would happen if he quit today.

People at his office start heading home at 6 sharp. Apu heads a vertical at the company, and has eight people working under him - young kids, fresh out of college. He does not want to portray himself as a strict superior, more of a ‘chill boss’ vibe. He never instructs the kids to stay back and work overtime, overachieve their targets. Everyone heads out of the office, except a few people including him. He reads, browses the Internet, and checks if there is any new email in his work folder to respond to.

Back home at 7:30 pm, he lies down on his bed for a while. The same questions cloud his head.

What the hell did I do all day today? Total waste!

Why am I doing this to myself?

Am I happy living this life?

Should I find a girl for myself? Life would be way more cheerful then. 

Maybe I need to relax. It’s just a matter of time. I will get into that business school I applied at, and then America! 

Let’s calm ourselves down. No need to find a girl for yourself. You are happy living alone. You love solitude.

Concentrate on 3 things right now - health, work, and dating. And B-school. Yes, 4 things.

9 pm. Wow, I wasted over ninety fucking minutes on these thoughts! Seriously need to get a life.

Dinner is another time consuming activity. Not having a cook makes things a little difficult for him. Either order some food, or eat some oats. Let’s order some food. I have eaten enough oats.

By 10:30 pm, Apu is ready to sleep. A good night’s sleep is necessary for him to perform at gym the next day.

Very important to go to the gym.

But he stays up till 11 pm, reading a book. This year he has promised himself to read two books a month - a whopping twenty-four books in the whole year! He is a bit behind schedule, but that’s ok. The trilogy is taking a bit of time, and maybe he can count it as three books instead of one.

What a beautiful fuckin’ life.  

** 

“Hey man! Come for dinner tonight. Birthday was on Tuesday, so thought will throw a party tonight.”

“Perfect! Will be there!”

Wow, he turned 28 this year! Time flies fast! I remember meeting this dude when we were 15 or something.

Yes, time flies fast. Look at Apu himself – He had the whole plan chalked out. Get out of college, work for two years, then write the management examination. Go to the best business school, work at a consulting firm for some time, and then move to the USA with wifey and kids. Though, things did not exactly move this way. He went through a boring desk job for 4 years. In this tenure he wrote the management examination twice, and failed every time. His girlfriend broke up with him because of his desk job and the delay in the career move. He quit shortly after, and moved to a small company. He and his girlfriend got back together for sometime, but broke up again.

Not her fault. She was not happy. I am taking too much time in moving up the corporate ladder.

Actually, the corporate ladder is fine. The ‘ladder of life’ would be a better description. Yes, I am taking a lot of time moving up the ladder of life.

People won’t wait for me. I need to make things happen. I need discipline, focus, and determination.

And hence, the rigorous schedule. 

At the dinner, Apu is cheerful. It’s been long since he met his friends who live in this part of the city. I should meet these guys often. We have seen so much together.

The friend initiates some small talk. “So how is it going? Work and life? All good?”

“Yeah, all ok.” Apu talks about his work. Then he mentions his daily schedule - how he is an early riser, and manages working out before work. He also talks about his personal life and the creative habits he is into post work hours.

“Wow. You get free by 7? That is unbelievable. I get done with work by 10, sometimes even 10:30!"

“Me too!” said the girl sitting next to him. The pretty one. 

“Yeah man. I have never seen the city at 10 actually. You know how it is at Investment Banking. I have a lot on my plate, so I usually get out of office around 11!” said the fat guy with the spectacles. 

“Hmm. Yes, I have some liberties. It is easy to finish work and get out of office early. Though my last job was tough - just like you guys.” Apu says. 

He realised he should not have said this. Why am I justifying? It is good to get free early and go home. Do something productive, creative. Why do not people understand that?  

Or is it? Maybe my job is not that great! What am I doing anyway? The company does not even make a difference in the lives of more than 50 people on this planet. Wow, I am clearly not doing enough.

Apu books a cab and goes back home, a bit remorseful about the whole evening. The cab driver was listening to some Hindi radio channel.

"Can you turn the volume down a bit?" Apu asks the driver. 

"Oh, sure sir." The music almost fades out.

The next morning, the first alarm buzzes. Fuck it.  

Then the next one goes abuzz. Oh c’mon ! Just let me sleep. 

The third one. Just shut the fuck up. I can miss the gym at least a day in the whole week.

First of the many to come.