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[shreyasken]

The Fallback

As usual, Apu woke up at 6:45 am. He checked his phone and realised that this is the first out of the three alarms he schedules on a weekday. One at 6:45 am, next at 7, and the last one at 7:15. 7:15 - that is the deadline for him to get up, otherwise he will be late for gym.

He pressed the snooze button and drifted back to sleep, thinking he will get up with the next alarm. He does as well. 7 am - good time to wake up. He got out of the bed, and folded his quilt. Then he held the loft, and pushed his body forward. The folding and the stretching are important to him. They lighten him up; motivate him for his next routine.

Thereafter, he brushed his teeth and undressed. He looked at himself in the full-length mirror, assured that yes, he is losing weight. He wore a light tee and basketball shorts, and walked towards the kitchen. Eating some dry fruits, he contemplated on getting a cup of black coffee. 'Caffeine early in the morning gives you an adrenaline kick, and makes you work harder than expected at the gym' - he had read somewhere. He decided against it, and started walking to the gym.

On one of these routine days, he correlated this walk to various sequences of a regular movie. Starting at his apartment - calm, peaceful, birds chirping around. Then a left turn, and here comes the butchers’ lane. The whole lane is lined up with meat selling shops (full of hues and cries of the animals) and garbage. These animals in the cages, as a collective, do not have an emotion. Some of them are not anticipating anything, as they do not know how a free animal’s life is supposed to be. But some of them have caught a glimpse of their friends getting cut into pieces, and are worried if today is their day. The shop owners do not sympathize with these animals. They are fresh, happy, and are looking forward to the day with a cup of tea in their hands. The sentiment of this road (according to Apu’s the-trip-to-gym-resembles-a-movie) is chaos, confusion and tension. This lane leads to the main road, wherein many humans appear. They are waiting at the bus stop, driving their cars, or are running towards their workplaces. This road represents the movie's high-paced climax, involving a million sidekicks of the villain and the hero, who tears every obstacle apart and reaches to his destination (in this case the gym). The gym, located in a quiet area, represents the end of the movie - beautiful scenery, happy people, and a better future. 

However, understand that Apu does not go through the whole emotional cycle everyday. This was a one-off thought. On a regular day, he plugs in his earphones and listens to his three favorite songs - ‘Alright’ by Kendrick Lamar, ‘Run the Jewels’ by Run the Jewels, and ‘These Walls’ again by Lamar. You might think that he listens to these high-energy songs to prepare himself for the gym, but that’s not the case. They do not affect him. Lately, nothing affects him at all, and that is what he has been aiming for from a long time.

The gym session is exhaustive and dreadful. In Apu's head it is a drag, but he tries to be optimistic about it. Apu is not a healthy guy, so he wears out in the first 20 minutes. The remaining 40-50 minutes is just pushing himself till the workout regime ends. The best thing to come out of the gym for Apu is going back home, looking at himself in the mirror again, and drinking his protein shake.

He then gets ready for work, and reaches office by 9:45. The 15 minutes early arrival is to eat breakfast at the office pantry. Work is good - Apu enjoys what he does, and gives in a 100%. He speaks to his colleagues politely, and keeps everything organised. His work, demanding and challenging, takes up around sixty percent of his work hours. The rest of his workday is spent in different activities - stalking people on social media, observing his females colleagues, and thinking about what would happen if he quit today.

People at his office start heading home at 6 sharp. Apu heads a vertical at the company, and has eight people working under him - young kids, fresh out of college. He does not want to portray himself as a strict superior, more of a ‘chill boss’ vibe. He never instructs the kids to stay back and work overtime, overachieve their targets. Everyone heads out of the office, except a few people including him. He reads, browses the Internet, and checks if there is any new email in his work folder to respond to.

Back home at 7:30 pm, he lies down on his bed for a while. The same questions cloud his head.

What the hell did I do all day today? Total waste!

Why am I doing this to myself?

Am I happy living this life?

Should I find a girl for myself? Life would be way more cheerful then. 

Maybe I need to relax. It’s just a matter of time. I will get into that business school I applied at, and then America! 

Let’s calm ourselves down. No need to find a girl for yourself. You are happy living alone. You love solitude.

Concentrate on 3 things right now - health, work, and dating. And B-school. Yes, 4 things.

9 pm. Wow, I wasted over ninety fucking minutes on these thoughts! Seriously need to get a life.

Dinner is another time consuming activity. Not having a cook makes things a little difficult for him. Either order some food, or eat some oats. Let’s order some food. I have eaten enough oats.

By 10:30 pm, Apu is ready to sleep. A good night’s sleep is necessary for him to perform at gym the next day.

Very important to go to the gym.

But he stays up till 11 pm, reading a book. This year he has promised himself to read two books a month - a whopping twenty-four books in the whole year! He is a bit behind schedule, but that’s ok. The trilogy is taking a bit of time, and maybe he can count it as three books instead of one.

What a beautiful fuckin’ life.  

** 

“Hey man! Come for dinner tonight. Birthday was on Tuesday, so thought will throw a party tonight.”

“Perfect! Will be there!”

Wow, he turned 28 this year! Time flies fast! I remember meeting this dude when we were 15 or something.

Yes, time flies fast. Look at Apu himself – He had the whole plan chalked out. Get out of college, work for two years, then write the management examination. Go to the best business school, work at a consulting firm for some time, and then move to the USA with wifey and kids. Though, things did not exactly move this way. He went through a boring desk job for 4 years. In this tenure he wrote the management examination twice, and failed every time. His girlfriend broke up with him because of his desk job and the delay in the career move. He quit shortly after, and moved to a small company. He and his girlfriend got back together for sometime, but broke up again.

Not her fault. She was not happy. I am taking too much time in moving up the corporate ladder.

Actually, the corporate ladder is fine. The ‘ladder of life’ would be a better description. Yes, I am taking a lot of time moving up the ladder of life.

People won’t wait for me. I need to make things happen. I need discipline, focus, and determination.

And hence, the rigorous schedule. 

At the dinner, Apu is cheerful. It’s been long since he met his friends who live in this part of the city. I should meet these guys often. We have seen so much together.

The friend initiates some small talk. “So how is it going? Work and life? All good?”

“Yeah, all ok.” Apu talks about his work. Then he mentions his daily schedule - how he is an early riser, and manages working out before work. He also talks about his personal life and the creative habits he is into post work hours.

“Wow. You get free by 7? That is unbelievable. I get done with work by 10, sometimes even 10:30!"

“Me too!” said the girl sitting next to him. The pretty one. 

“Yeah man. I have never seen the city at 10 actually. You know how it is at Investment Banking. I have a lot on my plate, so I usually get out of office around 11!” said the fat guy with the spectacles. 

“Hmm. Yes, I have some liberties. It is easy to finish work and get out of office early. Though my last job was tough - just like you guys.” Apu says. 

He realised he should not have said this. Why am I justifying? It is good to get free early and go home. Do something productive, creative. Why do not people understand that?  

Or is it? Maybe my job is not that great! What am I doing anyway? The company does not even make a difference in the lives of more than 50 people on this planet. Wow, I am clearly not doing enough.

Apu books a cab and goes back home, a bit remorseful about the whole evening. The cab driver was listening to some Hindi radio channel.

"Can you turn the volume down a bit?" Apu asks the driver. 

"Oh, sure sir." The music almost fades out.

The next morning, the first alarm buzzes. Fuck it.  

Then the next one goes abuzz. Oh c’mon ! Just let me sleep. 

The third one. Just shut the fuck up. I can miss the gym at least a day in the whole week.

First of the many to come.

[shreyasken]

One year at a start-up, and self introspection

I complete an year at my start-up, Gigstart.com, today.

It’s been a crazy ride, this last year. Till April 2014, I was getting up at 6 am, all worried about reaching office on time. I would get ready, and run to the Andheri local train station to catch the slowest train, so that I get a seat for the 1 hour long journey. Then get down at Churchgate station, take a ‘share taxi’ from the station to the workplace. 

I would then indulge myself in some typical mumbai breakfast, have a cup of tea and sit in my cabin (Yes, I had a cabin at BHEL). I would reply to mails, take calls from all over Maharashtra, and make deals about generators, boilers, spare tubes, and more crazy stuff.

The moment the clock struck 5:30, everyone would pack their bags, and run to the station again, to catch a train home. I, for the lazy ass I am, would again wait for the slowest train and go home sleeping. All this running and chilling and partying and drinking never made me realise what exactly am I doing at BHEL for around 3 years.

My moment of truth came when the office people unanimously elected me as the ‘project manager’ for a 450 crore deal with a power plant. It was a big deal and everyone came to my cabin and congratulated me. 

Me - No excitement, no happiness. 

I realised I’m doing something wrong. I’m not happy, I’m not successful, and I’m not rich. Hence I started introspecting. I spoke with a lot of people, read a lot of articles & books, went for a lot of jogs on the silver beach, and spent a considerable amount of time alone, just thinking. I actually was doing something wrong.

- I had not defined my priorities

- I did not have a long term plan

- I was not doing anything to make my life better

Things became clear to me and I started job hunting. A perfect example of ‘destiny to your quest’ happened when I saw Atit searching for a guy at Gigstart. We spoke, and I quit my job.

A year has passed at Gigstart, and a lot of things have changed. I’m living a better life, making more music, my workplace is more important to me now. Meeting a lot of friends regularly as well. 

But the question still remains: Am I happy? Am I content? Do I need to do something more?

[shreyasken]

Niggaz be makin' some new music! @thefringepop

[shreyasken]

This morning I got up early, Couldn't sleep, maybe yesterday's fault, Oh yes! Now I remember, I think I need to halt...

[shreyasken]

2014

Tonight is the 'The New Years Night'. 2014 ends, and 2015 begins. 

Some things to list down..

Looking back - lot of stuff happened in 2014

I quit my 'high paying' job

joined a startup

got out of my 4 year old relationship

moved to an entirely new region in india

started reading

released my band's debut album

Things I didn't do in 2014

made more new friends

met new people

travel to some brilliant places

write music

made more covers

practice guitar

lose lot of weight

Things I'm looking forward to do in 2015

lose more weight

write the next TFP album

write some music for a solo project

travel to at least 2 new places in india

travel to at least 1 foreign country

take a solo trip

read more novels

meet a girl

play some gigs with my homies from TFP

Well I never promise myself all this every year, but this year is different. I'm at the fringe of bring happy & content, and deciding what I wanna do with my life on a really serious note, and fucking slog for it. I keep introspecting about all this ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Basically, I'm searching for happiness. The ultimate way to be happy. To work, come home, and be happy. That hasn't happened in a really really long time.

This New Years Night is another big pain in the arse. I don't wanna party means I'm acting like an idiot. The things I would really like to do to celebrate the new years night, or actually, celebrate any kind of event, is (a) go to a beach place, and chill, or (b) stay with some friends, drink, and listen to some good music. Mostly this night its gonna be option (b). At least I'm hoping for it.

Hope y'all have a great night, and a brilliant year ahead. Lets all be happy and content and stop all the bitching, killing, hurting. I hate that shit, man.

Some lines from my one of my songs to end the last post of 2014:

This morning I got up early

Couldn't sleep, maybe yesterday's fault

Oh yes I remember

I need to halt

For life looks like a Ferris wheel

Stuck in the middle

No ups coming and no downs

Or I am not able to solve that riddle

[shreyasken]

Party starts tonight!! (at Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh)

[shreyasken]

Miss this place #2ndhome #love #mech

[shreyasken]

Just got done with judging rocktaves. New found respect for my friend Aaron who make good bass tones every single time without a lot of effort. Looks like a Herculean task for majority of the bands.

[shreyasken]

Good morning. Shreyasken reporting from Oasis 2014, BITS Pilani :)

[shreyasken]

Mom Dad after diwali pooja. Happy diwali y'all. Have fun with family and friends :)

[shreyasken]

Looking forward...

Woke up today morning after a brilliant night with my buds Ashish & Rajat. We stayed at home, drank, ate good food, and had plenty of beautiful conversations. Then went for a cuppa at a coffee shop, came back walking, talked more about life and slept. And all this in the beautiful delhi weather.

It's so refreshing to do this. Meet old friends, talk to them about stuff happening now and stuff that happened back then we were stupid and careless.

This is an exciting time, right now. Day after I'm heading home for a week long vacation. Will stay with mom dad and meet another friend after a really long time. Too bad my sisters aren't coming home. Would have been fun. 

I love staying at Bhopal. This love is something I realised once I moved to Bombay. Bhopal had family, good weather, and loads of alone time. I regret wasting all that time at surfing the internet and at cribbing about life and my then job. The job sucked balls, but yeah I really miss staying with my mom and chilling alone in my room for days and days, and not giving a shit about all these small complications one has to face while living alone. Now that I look back, I think wow! I would have done so so much stuff back then. Write loads of new music, practiced more guitars, read books, started writing, and retrospected about life more. Fucked up stupid 2010- 2012 shreyasken was a total idiot.

Anyway, exciting times are coming. After the brilliant Diwali vacation I'm gonna come back to Delhi and then go to BITS for Oasis. This year the kids from ARBITS have invited me to judge Rocktaves (cult fest's rock band competition; we won this back in 2010) and Oasis Unplugged (Unplugged competition at the same; we participated in this all the years we were in college and won it in 2009 or 2010, don't remember distinctly).  Also, Gurukul- the other music club has invited me for a workshop. Supposedly I'm a 'virtuoso', and they want me to hold a workshop on 'vocal techniques & band building'. I told them that they should seriously reconsider their decision, but they finalised on me. The music club might also tell me to judge their 2 events ('Tarang' & 'Pitch Perfect'). 

I don't know why, but I'm really looking forward to the workshop. I'm no virtuoso. I just didn't let go of my passion. I love music since I don't know when, and will never stop doing this. Maybe that's what I can talk about at the workshop. And band building. Yes! I'm good at that. I'm playing with Caleb since 2006, and the current TFP line up is going strong since 2010. This band won't die. ever!

So much to do in the next couple of months. Not to forget the insane expansion plans at Gigstart, Tapan's wedding, my new (read 2nd/ 3rd hand) bike. I'm looking forward to everything. Looking forward to life. 

[shreyasken]

Back from a getaway to BITS Pilani. The new campus looks kickass. All my college people (read oldies), plan a trip! (at BITS Pilani)

[shreyasken]

I dream..

Sometimes I dream of giving up my smartphone (I might in the future). Rather just give up a mobile phone. Not exactly now, but sometime when I’ve enough time on my hands to just sit, and absorb stuff. Absorb the weather, the clouds, the fan on my room’s ceiling. I would actually like to have a life where people would call me on a landline. All this will happen once I’ll feel that I’ve made it and don’t need an online update every 2 minutes.

I also dream of traveling. I think about it so much that travel might be one of my most followed topic over the internet. Travel to random places, stay in hostels, eat food that I’ve never heard of. This is something which I will pursue for sure, in due time. My dream destinations (till date) are Chile and Iceland.

I dream about lot of stuff actually, but just felt like writing about these two right away.

[shreyasken]

Proud to announce the first single release of my band @thefringepop debut album. Also bonus- an @arcticmonkeys cover! Hope y'all like it :) #ifyouhaventyet

[shreyasken]

New acquisition! Thanks Atit & Madhulika! :D also thanks Caleb for the recommendation :)

[shreyasken]

A song from the movie 'Submarine'.

I just love this whole album. Alex Turner is my god, and this album actually pushed me to work on my songwriting (otherwise I was just singing songs my bandmates wrote). 

It's strange how you just can relate to music. Not the lyrics, just the music. A different dimension altogether. In such cases, I really don't need to google all the lyrics or listen to them really closely (though I do that generally). Sometimes all you need is to listen to the tunes, and they get right inside your head and make you feel amazing.

It's been almost 3 years since I bought this album, and every time one of the songs pops up in the playlist, I just lose my shit. Not the crazy-lose-my-shit, but I hope you get the drift.

Damn, I'am ageing real fast :P

[shreyasken]

First blogpost, and conventional introduction

Hi!

I'm Shreyas.

I've been planning to start a blog since the last 4-5 years, but never came around it. The reasons were, mainly, (a) I was a bit conscious about a blog as I think I don't have a great vocabulary, and (b) I have been a bit uncomfortable with criticism, so I don't go all guns blazing with my views.

But all that's past. After meeting my bud Mayank for a drink somedays back, and getting insane encouragement, I finally started my own thing!

A little intro:

I was born in Bhopal, India in 1988. Since then, I've lived in 8 different cities, travelled to some 6-7 countries as a singer in a bollywood music outfit, participated in some indian music reality shows, went to BITS-Pilani and studied Mechanical engineering (however not much 'study' happened), and have changed 3 jobs. 

I'll be generally writing about stuff that I like- Music (what I listen to, what music I write for my band 'The Fringe Pop'), Work (have worked at a factory earlier, now in an entertainment sector startup called 'Gigstart'), and life, in general. Also, I fantasise about travelling, so might end up penning something on that as well.

A beautiful song before I say 'yes!' to my first ever blogpost ever:

Yes!