#like girl shes the only irl person who knows im trans

[kittycatcarla]

Hey chat quick question

How can i tell my absolute bestest friend that i love enourmously and in whom i have the upmost level of trust and loving and care and with whom for the past about 10 months i dont think a single day passed without us at least texting eachother. That..

Theres a possibility that i might have picked up romantic feelings for her

But telling her that without running the risk of abysmally ruining our friendship, due to the development of romantic feelings

[drdemonprince]

sorry if this is too long but i really appreciate your perspective and would love some advice

i have a mixed gender friend group irl, however i am the only transmasc in the group (the rest of the group is queer transfems, queer cis women, and our token cishet guy) and ive run into a little issue in that im quite close to one of the cis girls of the group, and we occasionally have deep chats about our queer identities (we're both aro, im ace, shes bi) . these chats are great and i really appreciate her as a friend but one thing shes always bringing up, even in unrealted conversations is how much she hates men .

im not a transandrobro so this isn't gonna be one of those "im one of the good ones" or "i feel guilty for being transmasc" asks dw. the issue came up when i was discussing how i was going to start T pretty soon (i pass decently well without it already but as more of a butch/androgynous type look) and as we were talking about the changes she was acting... genuinley scared and disgusted??

especially when i talked about how i will likely grow more body hair, and how T affects scent and stuff. she was almost horrified. "yeah but you dont want that right? youll shave it?" . i already dont shave my body hair (she does) and i cant help but feel scared that one of my closest friends is going to find me revolting once i start transitioning medically.

i didnt even mention bottom growth after that because i was so scared of what her reaction to that would be.

idk if you have any experience or advice for this? or any reading on the subject? ive found that its only the cis women in my friend group who are acting this way as well. i feel like maybe its because theyve secretly been viewing me as "just" a masculine woman this whole time. i id as nonbinary with the group, but secretly i really do think im a trans man, but based on the disgust with those things im reluctant to come out again.

Honestly this is a really common way that cis women microaggress against trans mascs! Those two identities have competing privilege/oppression intersections and a lot of really wild shit can play out as a result, as well as due to the projection that can happen because both groups have shared a social identity at some point (whether we liked it or not). It may not be fixable, but I think you need to set the tone that this kind of negative commentary on your transition and body is NOT acceptable, and to do so EARLY, so that you are establishing ground rules for how you will be treated.

Example conversation:

You: So I started getting some hair on my neck around my Adam's apple.

Her: Ewwwww, but you're going to shave it right?

You: (pause and look at her seriously). Gender transition is something I'm very excited about and that's very good for me, you know. I am happy about everything that's happening and I hope that as my friend you would be happy for me too.

Let's say that she continues to be somewhat shitty about your transition multiple times. Here is how you might escalate without totally blowing your lid.

Her: Wow, your [voice is so deep/your acne is getting so bad/your hair pattern is changing/whatever thing she is being shitty about].

You: (stop whatever task you're doing if any to give this full attention. lock eyes with her, maybe even sigh). I have told you multiple times not to comment on my appearance. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't enjoy spending time with people who comment on how I look.

I think your focus should be not on correcting her feelings, which she needs to go like stare at a pond and reflect about on her own, but instead reign in her shitty commentary completely -- and if she won't do that for you, then you will need start ending conversations/walking away/not inviting her to things/whatever other boundary setting strategy you like. I would prioritize nipping the personal comments in the bud over the "men are so disgusting and evil" kind of commentary, because I think that matters more and seems to bother you more -- but if it were me? I would also be pissed that she wasn't including me in the category of "men" when she was talking about them, and would say things like "I'm a man too, you know." Or "Yeah, WE can be kind of annoying/boorish/smelly sometimes." This isn't some transandrobro NOT ALL MEN thing, it's an anti-transphobia don't misgender me thing. And perhaps by taking accountability for all that manhood is -- the good and the bad, the euphoric and the just neutral, you will influence her in a positive way to think about these things more neutrally. If not, well, that's her fuckin loss.

[velvetvexations]

This is a protective ask. It encourages you to check whether you really want to answer the asks beneath yet. Be good to yourself, you do good work for all of us <3

Thank you, anon. <3

sick of feeling like queer spaces seem to expect masculine people to be protectors and supporters without ever expecting to have to give us protection and support too. it's always how trans mascs can be allies to trans femmes and never the other way around. it's what about the scary trans man in the women's bathroom and little discussion of the threat we are under in these scenarios. it's always use your masculinity to protect me, but nobody can give without receiving. support and protection are features of community and community needs to be at least somewhat mutual. I refuse to constantly put myself in danger to protect someone who sees my suffering simply as an inherent duty of my presentation. let me be butch and slow and gentle for a change. let me be scared and held please.

I'll hold you. It's okay. You don't have to put yourself in danger to be a man, I promise.

people love love love to be blatantly misogynistic towards trans men/mascs and be like "well actually its subversive because he's a man! teehee!" was it subversive when i got told to shut up because i was the only women present (post coming-out) was it subversive when i got told i had to wear a dress to show off my feminine figure (post coming-out) was it subversive when i got called shrill mid-argument (post-coming out) was it subversive when nobody except me would clean the communal areas in the flat because i "did it so well" (post coming-out) was it subversive when i had my music taste made fun of when i was a 13 year old girl? is it subversive now that im a 20 year old trans guy? am i not the same person? is it subversive when people talk about trans men the same way people talk about teenage girls. is talking about teenage girls like that subversive if they come out as trans men later. or is it maybe a little different?

I'm sorry anon, you deserve so much better.

This discourse is always so fucking bizarre because IRL I'll be hanging out with trans women, getting fun updates from my friend on how her E dosage is going and her first foray into wired bras, spending time with the only other transmasc I know IRL at a 'women + nonbinary people' event because that's literally the only queer space near us intended for transmascs, and it's just incredibly obvious people perpetuating this discourse don't go outside

touching grass is vital

The shortest line joke reminds me of the fact that when I was more femme presenting & the women's toilets were blocked off, I went into the men's bathroom and a man went 'Ah! You scared me' and I was like at last, I am the threat <3 I haven't tested to see what will happen if I go to the men's bathroom now that I've started getting weird looks from women from being in theirs. Probably more of the same. It's hard out here being a bathroom liberation free the nipple communist

so true

i spent an hour arguing with a TRF and i'm exhausted. there's a reason i have a boundary with myself about getting into discourse. i don't know how you do it, but thank you for doing it from those that can't <3

I do what I must because I can <3

oh and then the same person said she think its funny to call trans men ��birthday boys’… i neeeeed to mock and infantilise all trans men because a couple of them disagreed with me!

context

if someone treats you that way call them a slur back until they stop

(do not do that)

Yo it hit me over the head just now- i think there's a large portion of transfems who never did any gender work beyond their own. Like the running joke of 'of course every guy secretly wants to be a girl'; I'm not sure they can conceptualize us wanting to be masculine for any reason so there has to be some sort of 'ulterior motive'

Correct, though stupid selfish assholes with the same lack of comprehension or desire to comprehend the experiences of others come in all kinds.

[tea-and-secrets]

ive watched my best friend of eight years go from cis girl, to nonbinary, to demiboy, to transmasculine, to nonbinary, and now she's leaning back into woman-aligned territory- and it's genuinely scaring me a little bit. like, she was so unhappy in her body and mind and just who she was when she was originally presenting as a girl. thats why she transitioned- that's what she told me, anyways. she also told me the reason she stopped publicly using he/they is because "other people stopped using [those pronouns] for me when i became okay with she/her" and it's like... bestie... you don't have to detransition just because other people are perceiving you as already having done so. idk it just really feels weird to me.

she's started drawing herself with a feminine figure (breasts, etc) too, when less than a year ago she called me genuinely crying and distraught because a friend kept drawing her with eyelashes (a stylistic choice the friend had where girls had eyelashes and boys didnt). she's started dressing more femininely when even a few months ago she would've avoided any feminine clothing like the plague. she hasn't worn her binder in weeks, when she was scared to take it off for years!

i dunno. it feels like a big change out of nowhere and it's getting to me a little. we've been friends for eight years now, best friends for most of that time. she's told me about everything in her life, her struggles, her identity issues, her desire to be perceived as anything other than woman, how much she loved seeing herself in a mirror when she wore a binder, how much she struggled with s/h when she presented as a woman before knowing what 'trans' meant, and i just.. i don't know

i'm transmasculine nonbinary myself, have been for ~5 years. she was the only other not-a-man transmasc person i knew irl, we bonded a lot over shared experiences and spent late nights talking about our identities and what they meant to us. part of me wonders if our bonding even still 'holds up' now that she doesn't really... have those experiences anymore. part of me wonders if she ever had those experiences in the first place.

i'm going to respect her identity no matter what is is, of course! she is my best friend- literally, i cannot think of a single person im closer to than her- and i love her regardless. this is why i'm saying it all here and not in her dms.

.

[dumbpuppycatgirl]

how do I tell if I’m trans

(sorry your my only transfem moot (I think))

Short answer:

I know because being a girl(-adjacent being) makes me happy. Moving towards happiness helped me (even though i sabotage myself at every step every day)

See also:

https://amitrans.org/

https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

My full story under the cut:

My story starts in 2020, like so many modern trans stories do, when i was stuck online and found a new community where someone came out as trans. I asked her a lot of questions and she told me to experiment.

So i experimented, i bought skirts and other clothing online; bought like an anime school girl outfit because idk cute?

I started pretending to be a girl on reddit and discord when i joined a large overwatch server under a mew account, trying out several names.

On reddit i also started looking into trans memes and started reading experiences of trans people.

Within a few months i had made a first decision for myswlf really sternly: i do not want to be a guy.

I started talking about it with my therapist and she was very helpful and supportive.

The community i joined at the start of this story i found more friends and more queer friends and we were joking around having fun.

A real life friend bought some make up for me when i talked with her about me questioning, which was very nice but even 3 years later i have barely actually used any of it. I am terrified of make up, and hate seeing my face. Always hated seeing my face.

In my reading and relating to trans stories i stumbled upon the three websites linked above. The genderdysphoria bibke eslecially was extremely helpful.

After making that first decision around december 2020 and getting help from resl life people around early 2021 it still took forever to answer "if not a man, then what?" Im not sure i have the answer now. What i have figured out now that i have tried make up, wear more femme clothing, go by a fem name and changed my legsl gender is that im generally much happier being a woman.

Im not sure im a woman, or at least maybe not always, but "woman" is much much closer to what i 'am' than "man", if that makes sense.

During the second half of my questioning phase, when i read the dysphoria bible, i started realising that mayyyybe there were hints during my childhood... wanting to play a girl character during the one singular open theatre day i attended when i was like 11 or so might have been a clue.

I realised that my obsession with TF-TG comics was not a cis thing lmao. I realised that men generally dont feel "cursed" to have the body they have.

I did make some changes to my body over time, though, as i started living on my own also in 2020 to be a student i had much more freedom to do things secretly. Bought jewelry to wear inside only, and dyed my hair, which was amazing.

During the summer of 2021, my cousin got married, and i had to wear a suit, of course, which felt painful. Cementing my not wanting to be a man feeling. Dead eye smile all the way.

Later that year i had some talks with my brother about feeling so extremely limited in my choices for clothing and expression and what not and that being a man felt like a prison. He was very nice about it and said that clothing is not gendered if youre not a coward. I liked that a lot.

Soon after i came out as trans fem to my close online friends (none of who were surprised). Meer my now boyfriend that winter and everything was great.... except no one irl knew.

Still took me 3 months to come out to my neighbours (student living so i spent a lot of time with them) and my family. Both coming out messages were sent over WhatsApp at like 2 am and turned off my phone and locked the door. Coming out is hard.

Since then, now 2.5 years later, it had not been all roses and sunshine. But it has been better. I started to feel like i was a person, i started being able to think about a future, beyond extremely surface level, "guess, I'll get a job somewhere and get s house idk". My dad remarked that i stood much more upright when wearing my dress than when boymoding.

My parents luckily took it extremely well, they kinda also had to, as since my coming out my 2 brothers have also been fruity lmao. Within 6 months my family went from "good christian family with 3 sons" to having a trans girl, a gay and a femboy. Im still convinced my mom is an egg. I like my queer family.

Anyway, moral of the story is this: experiment and do what makes you happy. I still dont know how to label myself completely but that is also not too important. Im much happier with myself now than before.

[crimeronan]

had my original fiction opening critiqued at irl group tonight! under a cut because this is long and it'll be painfully boring for people who have not been following my Anxiety Saga (and who do not care about the OCs), but tl;dr: very positive :3 we went a half hour over our usual time just discussing the story.

the prose, imagery, and exposition were all highly praised, ppl said the style is easy to read & a few even said it scans as fully publishable right now

didn't have a chance to get into the whole magic-as-autoimmunity meta or a Million Other Things because this story is a BEHEMOTH. but if i write more then i can get into it at other sessions :3

UNANIMOUS praise for the depiction of magic as painful/costly, one guy says he usually hates fantasy magic bc the stakes feel too low. but these didn't

characters were much more polarizing. everyone had a slightly different interpretation of and different emotions about the various narrators

also nearly every time someone said "this character thing didn't work for me" or "i hated this character detail," someone else would pipe up like "actually that was great for me personally. you should keep it" which made me laugh. THRILLED to accomplish this

pretty strong majority opinion that sol is an insane sociopath, i got some 'i'd like to see more depth in her' feedback until one woman said "my problem with her is that she's supposed to be super powerful but then her narration is exactly as neurotic and hypervigilant as your reader proxy's" while i was Vibrating With Excitement like YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED THE THING I DID ON PURPOSE YOU DID IT YOU GOT THE UNRELIABLE NARRATION IM YELLINGGGG

pretty unanimous empathy with and concern for the reader proxy narrator who's in a Very Bad Situation. some devastation upon finding out i don't plan for her to narrate the entire novel. about half the group was like "but... but everyone else is. everyone else is an evil sociopath :( i like the girl :(" sorry guy.s. i promise i'll make you want to read about them before i rip ur girl away

i cut some explicit/graphic threats of sexual and physical violence because i thought they went too far, despite this being psychological horror. three ppl gave me the feedback "i need to see some kind of explicit threat to really know the stakes here" i'm never questioning my dark edgy shit again. every character is fucked forever. amen

ONE READER DID CLOCK DEVIN AS TRANS and it was the Same One who clocked sol perfectly. she was like the mention of scruff jarred me so much that i googled the dictionary definition of scruff. what's the deal there & i was like oh. transgenda. & she was like I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT

everyone else: wow i did not notice that at all. and/or i assumed the scruff was leaves or twigs not stubble

OH AND!! i got a note that my character dialogue is all extremely distinctive. which was Such A Relief because i Know my fanfic dialogue is distinctive but i wasn't sure if i was replicating that with the OCs. it's hard to figure out how people talk & make it different from how other people talk when you yourself are only one person with one speech pattern.

very good positive experience. the problem now is that if i want to talk about other aspects of the story like...... literally everything, literally everything about everything to do with the story..... i gotta. i gotta write it. oh god.

[artinvain]

hii! i was wondering what you believe being a lesbian means? i’ve heard a lot of people say women loving women, afab loving afab, nonmen loving nonmen, etc. i only realized that i was a lesbian recently and im trying to understand more about the community beyond typical femme and masc standards.

congratulations on your beautiful realisation. coming out as a lesbian saved my life!! I hope you’re doing fab💖

whew this is a rough one just because there’s so much to be said. I know I don’t speak for the entirety of the lesbian community but from what I’ve seen irl, in my university studies and on the internet this is what I personally believe. and I think this may help as I this is how I went on my journey and have seen this for many other lesbians :)) 🥰🥰

so I’ve always known I was a lesbian. from like 5-10 when we first interact with romantic interests (I know it started young for me - long story), I was wanted to be around girls, hold them, touch them, when I saw women on tv I wanted to kiss them - be the guy they kissed (this is all known retrospectively).

when my mom started to ask me about who I would marry one day (of course she inserted a man bc I grew up in a religious house hold), I told her I wanted a man who was as handsome as an actor, as rich as bill gates (I had no concept of money ok) and spent time travelling (so we wouldn’t have to be together).

when she asked me if I wouldn’t be lonely I told her “of course not” because I would be with my best friends (all women) 24/7.

I then went on to push this narrative, told boys I couldn’t date them because I was Sabin myself for jesus and my unattainable husband. I touched my best friends “too much”, I knew I wanted to kiss them but kept praying the feeling would go away.

when I got to university I moved in with my older gay sibling (thank god) who has many queer friends, pan women, trans men, bi men! they were all soft and gentle and welcoming. I realised there was nothing scary or unholy about such a loving community.

so when the romantic feelings for women started to seep though again. I didn’t stop it. and then it was overwhelming and I realised I never wanted to be around or with men anyway, I had always been hiding this love inside me.

so I started getting into queer basics by dating and what I learnt in my gender studies courses.

for me lesbians understand me inherently without having to say a word (black lesbians specifically) but this goes for general sapphics as well (sometimes).

Because lesbians are socialised as women and or black and poc people, we don’t have to rediscover the systematic dynamics of oppression and patriarchy in our relationship because we both have grappled with that and it’s so easy to speak about and we understand that those ideas don’t pertain to us. we share the same special love for each other, something deeper than what can be explained with words.

“I know you,” is how it feels. the energy, time and love to learn and keep learning about your partner. growing in the same parallel lanes. I know her body, the lesbian body because it is also mine in a way.

so yeah as you can tell I love a good les4les and I looove a good deeply sapphic woman!!!

Lesbians have carved out our own slice of identity by creating a culture and partaking in a gender and sexuality that has been made outside of the patriarchy and the male gaze.

I do know a lot of trans masculine people identify with the lesbian community because some of these lesbians who are more butch and masc leaning sometimes decide to take t, have top surgery for example.

I know a lot of the transmasc people in my life who used to be lesbian are in a transitional space out of the community and into one that better suits them and where they are understood by other queer transmen. but they’ll never completely have no connection to the lesbian community, because that’s where they were socialised for most of their lives, it’s the community they’ll helped build. So they’ll always be a loving ally. A part of the family.

however many lesbians do not like to be with people who identify as men especially if they socially transition because it can cause a shift in dynamics, when one partner is now benefitting from the patriarchy on the basis of passing for example. Others believe it is disrespectful to date transmen and call themselves lesbians because for them lesbian is a specifically feminine aligned word and that feels invalidating to the trans man’s identity (and many trans men feel the same).

So yeah — there are too many nuances to count. But if you want to make it easy for yourself!? Think about what you want, what you are attracted to and what you like. really hone in on that and be comfortable with yourself in your lesbian identity, read some books on it, hell read some lesbian smut to get comfortable in the pleasure that is lesbianism. It’s about what you like and go about it kindly xx (and be smart and safe please)

Also often people will say that trans women can’t be lesbians but if you know that gender expression and sexuality are different things then you know that isn’t true :))

Ummm yeah that’s what I think at least 👁️👄👁️

[tailsbot98761]

small vent below feel free to ignore, i just had to get my feelings out

Im starting to think Im extremely affection deprived

i mean, the flirting is clearly a hidden hope that I get some sort of platonic affection back

but Im aroace, thought of going out and trying to date somone is just so far out from reality

and its not like all the fictional characters i love can appear next to me and hold me close like a person could.

and it feels crazy that i feel this way because I knoe im loved, most of the time I couldnt ask for a better family

but like, I dont know, I just, wish I had someone that could hold me, tell me its gonna be ok. but the idea of asking anyone to do that for me is so far away from anything irl me would even do that its just fantasy.

And even if there were someone i knew i would be ok with asking, i dont... like how zi look, self conciousness tells me nobody could like how i look, and i think that was a lot easier to not care about until i realized i was trans. Even if someone did like how i look, that's not the real me.

and theres times when ill just be thinking that maybe i say the right thing ill get something back, and feel something

And none of that is helped by the fact that my reward function is messed up that someone can compliment me but my brain just wont accept it. and yet it requires validation, like I can be proud of an art, and post it, and then ill be sad when it only gets a few notes, even though I know it's not going to get notes.

and I tend to bottle up emotions and feelings ive never been good with them, I try not to think about them. which is why i think it took me so long to realise that these really are issues.

and just, its hard sometimes when you look at the clock, wish it was friday, and realise its not even wednesday.

long story short. im a trans girl who thinks she looks too much like a guy to be loved, yet craves the affection of someone but is too aro to even think that a possibility...

[watercolor-rainclouds]

long ass post about the original designs of my ocs (these are only the ones i've redesigned later, also not 100% accurate to the original designs because picrews have their limits but i was too lazy to draw them lol)

valerian (rian) started as john. still a vampire but with a whole different skin tone and everything. he used to look so boring omg. also at one point i almost cut him out of the whole story but instead i ended up changing him so much im not sure if it even counts as a redesign anymore lol.

mirabel was always named mirabel years before encanto came out and at the time i didnt know it was an actual name lol, originally as a nickname of miranda isabel but now it's just her actual name. also she was always a fairy, but once again her whole appearance changed (except her style). also her "theme color" went from pink to yellow, only because i wanted the six most important characters to make up a rainbow lol.

olga started as jane. she remained pretty similar except i got rid of the bangs and gave her shorter hair. i think i also made her taller but its hard to tell because my ocs used to not have set heights/height differences because i never drew them. once again, her power (shapeshifting) stayed the same, just like everyone else's.

i've mentioned this a lot i think, but ari started off as a boy (thats the backstory of why i made her trans). her appearance didnt change too much more than what transitioning would change about her. i gave her glasses back when she was still going to be a guy, but originally i dont think she had them.

and finally, lynn. her appearance didnt change a whole lot actually, but her role did. shes still an important character but she was originally going to be the protagonist. (also, i mostly draw her grey/posessed version but she has light brown hair normally). her name spelling kept changing between Lyn and Lynn, but i settled on Lynn. at some point i also gave her vitiligo but it's not visible on her grey version because all color is basically sucked out of her. when shes her regular self, she does have it though (unless i forget to add it while coloring her because its really hard to remember what details i kept vs what i didnt, but she is supposed to have vitiligo, so feel free to beat me with a stick if i draw her non-posessed version without it).

the last one of the old main cast would be edward but all i changed was give him glasses, and i made him way less important to the story. he got replaced by ellie as a major character because ellie had a lot more personality at the time. also, lynn got replaced by kiara who didn't even exsist originally. i drew kiara during a class one time and i liked her design so much i wanted to add her to this story, and lynn felt boring so she got replaced by her.

all of these ocs were originally inspired by the appearance of people i saw irl (as most of my ocs are), but the redesigns thankfully made them a bit more unique.

also its kinda funny because one could say my current oc lineup is "forced representation" (which is stupid, yes, but one could say this shit) but actually it was completely accidental. like i individually redesigned all of them, i didnt even have the other characters or the goal of representation in mind lol. like i made mirabel fat at one point "because why not", and then happened to get inspired from a black girl's tiktok so i made her black as well. like i just kept adding things to each of them until it felt right, and i accidentally ended up with a diverse and fun to draw cast of characters. and like i was already planning to make ari and olga a couple, so when i changed ari to be a girl i just decided to make olga a lesbian (ari was already bisexual before i even made her trans, so i didnt need to change anything about her). and then it was like "what if ellie has a gf? and what if its kiara?" (ellie has also always been bi) idk how it took me so long to realise im bisexual when i kept making my favorite ocs bi lol

so yeah. thats it for the embarrassing original designs of my main ocs. they look much cooler now because i got better at drawing people but i think its interesting/fun to look back to where i started

[platonicmoonwater00]

hey guys im cis and i havent actually met a trans person before(well i have online but not irl) but i think my friend(who also happens to be my crush) might be nb so i kinda have a question. like i think they might be bc they definitely are androgynous and not just in looks and idk theres a few other tells i cant remember all of them off the top of my head. this one could js be that they dont like dresses but along with the next thing i'll tell you it kinda makes sense.

so basically our school has a summer and winter school uniform and for term 2 and 3 you wear winter and for 1 and 4 you wear summer. its currently term 3 but its been like 30 degrees and theyve still been wearing winter(the only option for summer uniform is a dress but for winter you can choose skirt and stockings or pants and they were the pants). so im thinking that maybe it makes them feel dysphoric?

the things that make me think that they definitely are is that today they weren't at school and the people in my group were either not there or went to the tech rooms at lunch so i ended up sitting with their group cos i kinda half know some of their friends but their group is so friendly so it wasnt awkward.

and we mentioned my crush cos how dare they not be at school(theyre in my class btw) and one of their friends was like "they-she" yknow and kinda corrected herself rlly quickly. and also me and one of their other friends were texting them on her laptop and the contact name for them on her laptop was different than the name i know them by and i think the girl noticed cos she said "dont ask why her name is [the unisex name spelt in an unconventional way] is that, there's too much lore" or smthing along the lines of that.

so i was like "oh, why isnt there an e there" cos i was curious and shes like "thats what im saying" which makes it sound like it isnt a reference or an inside joke and its like something they picked.

and i dont mean to like speculate but ive been suspecting this for a while and idk im just wondering if there's anything i can do to make them more comfortable? i feel bad misgendering them if they are but they havent come out to me(as nb or anything like that, that is, ik they like girls) so i definitely wont say anything. but idk ive htought of a few subtle things that could maybe make them feel more comfortable if they are but not be weird if they arent:

i'll stop using the name i know them by(i dont say peoples names when talking to them much anyways so it wouldnt be so noticeable just instead of "hy [name]" it'd be "hi") also i could cut out words like "girly" and that sort of thing when talking to them. idk if that would help but idk what else i could do. does anyone have advice?

i just want to make sure they feel comfortable and safe around me, we're rlly good friends so i'd hate to unknowingly make them uncomfortable or dysphoric

[rrelationshipadvice]

🩰 <- to find later. this is basically hs drama btw since we’re all about the same aged teenagers; warning for talk of abuse and ableism

how do i tell my friend (ill call her One) that the person everyone is friends with (ill call her Two) and also is her close friend is my ex-friend and was my bully? to explain, to tell her isn’t to point fingers or call out the person, it’s that i fear One will become a victim of Two and i don’t wish how Two treated me on anyone.

apologies for being semi-exhaustive here but Two pretty badly bullied me for just under ten years, as well as kinda physically abused me for four of those years (to the point i still have scars). im pretty sure it’s because i’m autistic and used to be unable to mask, since she’d regularly scream at me (like. voice going raw screaming) for being ‘slow/special/r slur-ed’ and constantly call me an ‘annoying fucking idiot’ (quote). the bullying also included telling people to exclude me, making fun of me in front of teachers or my parents, and calling my interests disgusting or embarrassing even when it was originally hers. again don’t want this to get too long but she would routinely torment me for showing typical autistic behavior by beating me up (ex: punching me in the stomach or trying to stomp on my stomach after shoving me to the ground, almost always slapped me very hard or would punch me in the breast) or screaming at me to basically correct me. she also groped and sexually harassed me a lot. plus she outed my other friend (who is autistic too) to the whole school and regularly fetishized the outed friend’s boyfriend trying to get them to break up. i blocked her everywhere and are now hostile to her irl in january of 2023 which im still relieved for doing despite my being a pushover LOL.

what sucks now is that Two is best friends with just about everyone in the entire school, esp. because we’re in the same extracurriculars which includes a large portion of the school. i normally try not to hold grudges but i’m an emotional and sort of indignant person so seeing literally everyone i know talk about how funny and sweet she is makes me feel violent. i want to tell someone how i have trust issues and get embarrassed being myself around people because of this girl but i feel like a) no one would believe me and 2) they’d probably gossip it off to someone and it would get exaggerated into like ‘she tried to kill the person posting this!!!!’ or some shit which i don’t want her to get painted as a bad person

i had this sentiment until i got closer with One. One is one of my closer friends and is diagnosed autistic, she’s a kind and considerate person who i feel like i can actually trust and don’t have to make myself mask around her. again like i mentioned im scared but also desperately wanting to tell someone Two treated me like trash. however One actively refuses to participate in people spreading rumors and shit talking because she’s been bullied before so that’s a big part of the trust. also with Two being autistic and One exclusively harassing and bullying only me and other autistic people in school, it’s scary thinking of Two doing anything to One.

my strife is that i just don’t know how to word ‘LOL you know your friend who’s buddies with everyone we know? she hated my autistic trans ass and hit me’ without it sounding like complaining or calling her out. One takes me seriously, hence the considerate comment, so i don’t think she’d just wave me off, but i’m not great with cohesion at times LOLL and like i mentioned earlier i don’t want who One considers her friend to be painted as a monster or smth!!!! thank you in advance for any help on this issue

.

[rookmeo]

hello rook! i need some advice from someone who uses neopronouns and hope to know your opinion

i have a moot who only understands very basic english and never communicates with the english side of any fandoms or in general, just their native language. recently, she's getting bombarded and targeted by someone (we dk if it's one person or a group of them) who keeps pestering her about neopronouns because my friend once posted about being extremely confused when she stumbled upon someone who uses kitty/kittyself especially when the translation to her native doesn't makes sense at all

im the only english speaking moot of hers but im not knowledgeable about neopronouns so she decided to make some research about it. an hour later, she told me that it's the most confusing thing she's ever heard, even worse than trans and intersex

in her native, there's only one pronoun used for everyone and its spelt and pronounced the same. she does know that there's she/her, he/him, they/them, and it in english, but she doesn't understand why someone would want to custom make their own pronouns when they could've just use they/them. she couldn't imagine using those irl

as mentioned before, idk anything about neopronouns, so idk what advice to give her

i don't think she's trying to be mean or anything, she's just genuinely confused on what is this new stuff she accidentally stumbled upon, but i don't think this justifies that person/group to target her for not understanding english and what's going on in a specific group of the lgbt community

as someone who uses neopronouns, what would u tell her? what are your thoughts on people who couldn't understand neopronouns, would u force them to use it regardless or break your friendship?

Haha sorry this took a while to answer anon! I got busy and stuff but ill try to answer this as best as i can 👍

To me when it comes to using neoponouns, a part of it is me seeing pronouns in general as a part of my gender presentation. I see myself as a girl and a boy at the same time yet use he/him or prefer to be referred to with masculine terms because its more comfortable to me. Its how i present my own gender.

This applies to my neopronouns as well. Gender itself is a performance to me which is why i use neopronouns along side with he/him. It's like a stage persona i guess? Not all people who use neos are the same of course.

I could see where your friend is coming from though, my native language, filipino, also has like a general pronoun to refer to others (siya) which is gender neutral.

I honestly don't mind if people don't use my neos on me if they find it difficult but if they don't use it simply because they find it ridiculous or weird then maybe i would be a little hurt. It's all about intent really. However if i would exclusivrly use neos then I'd honestly be a little miffed. I'd like for people to play along with my presentation and all. Sorry if this didnt make sense 😭 i just started rambling because guess what i just like talking abiut myself lol

[maletofujoshi]

I feel like a shojo protagonist

[freddy-owo]

K these turned out kinda long so imma put them under the cut ^^

Cory: he/him. heteroflexible, cis and ‘comfortable in his masculinity’ (as he loves to say), allosexual lol (felt the need to specific for Cory’s sake), he’s polyam I don’t care what the show says his conclusion with Lauren and how he realized he can love another person and it doesn’t take away from his love for Topanga is so polyamorous of him

WHAT HE IDENTIFIES AS: straight (heteroflexible when questioned abt finding men attractive)

EXTRA CORY: aromantic Cory my beloved (just his attitude towards romance in the earlier seasons [yes, I know it’s cuz he’s a kid but still] is so aro to me)

Topanga: she/her. she’s bisexual (mainly men tho), also cis, demisexual, polyam (once again, I don’t care what the show says she would NOT have reacted like that, man)

WHAT SHE IDENTIFIES AS: bisexual, ‘open to non-monogamous relationships’

Shawn (who transitions/comes out): he/she. hmmmmmmmmmmmm probably bi? Berrisexual? Idk but he frequently calls himself a lesbian (once she’s out as trans) but def still likes men. Transfem/gnc/unlabeled (depends on the day lol). Frayromantic OR greyromantic idk which one fits better (maybe +arospike?). Fraysexual OR cupiosexual idk man WAIT OR acespike. Aaaaaaaaand polyam =]

WHAT SHE IDENTIFIES AS: (sometimes) lesbian, dyke/fag interchangeably, transexual

What Shawn (who never transitions/comes out) “identifies” as: he/him. maybe bi. Yeah probably bi. ‘Open to whatever’.

Angela: she/her. mspec lesbian (Biromantic-lesbian specifically), I’m very fond of trans woman angela but I also like cis angela (but, like, some weird relationship with gender still), and also she’s polyam

WHAT SHE IDENTIFIES AS: ‘I just date whoever I like’

Eric: he/him (he doesn’t care tho). aro eric is so important to me (bcuz he’s so me—) so he’s aromantic. Bellus and cupioromantic, plus desinoromantic and akoiromantic. He’s very fluid with his gender experience, mainly moving within ‘male’ and ‘female’ and ‘something else’. So ig genderfluid (I just don’t like that label for personal reasons lol). He’s polyam bcuz he just is (at this point I think I’m gonna make everyone polyam—)

WHAT HE IDENTIFIES AS: ‘i like girls!’ (<- he doesn’t know yet) ‘im not really looking for someone right now hahahahaha’ or ‘oh, well I just got out of a LOOONG relationship (lying)’ (<- when he knows he’s aro)

Jack: he/him. Bicurious and I will die on this hill. He only accepts it like waaaaaaay after college tho lol. He’s cis (and very much so NOT secure in his masculinity [ie: What a Drag!]).

WHAT HE IDENTIFIES AS: straight (‘bicurious’ comes MUCH later)

Rachel: she/her. Lesbian (‘jack doesn’t count’) <- that’s why she broke up w/ jack (it wasn’t working long-term). Cis (though I do like trans woman Rachel as well). AND shes polyam too

WHAT SHE IDENTIFIES AS: bisexual and then eventually lesbian

Morgan: she’s aroace I don’t care what the show says she’s aroace (I love Morgan so much she is so me I love her and since she is me and I am her she’s aroace now)

T.K.: she/her. Bisexual (masc-leaning). She’s aromantic of some kind (idk man the whole her picking Cory to date thing is very aro-coded to me).

Harley: he/him. he’s aroace sorry man I don’t make the rules (he’s also so important to me so I’m gonna project a bit—)

Frankie: he/him. Biromantic asexual. Also he’s got some gender thing going on there. no idea in what way though

Joey: he/him. Gay? Maybe??? Idk man I’m incapable of headcanoning characters as gay I think I’ll make him bi just ‘cause. Debating making him aro too

Minkus: he/him. Greyromantic, recipromantic. He just likes whoever likes him *shrugs*

Becky (from turnaround dance): LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN WEEWOOOWEEWOO SHES A LESBIAN. Also maybe nonbinary in some way (she reminds me of 2 of my irl friends so I gotta)

BONUS!! “I was a teenage spy” edition (Yes, they’re different)

Shawnzie: he/him. Bi (masc-leaning). Aromantic.

T.L.: she/her. Greyromantic, probably comphet of some form. Probably a lesbian.

I feel as though I must write out my queer headcanons for the boy meets world characters

[oysters-aint-for-me]

THIS IS PROBABLY STUPID since ppl so rarely refer to me in the third person on this website. but. for at least little while i want to go by they/them pronouns. but i’m afraid of asking ppl i know irl (even though i’m p sure they know i’m nonbinary) so i’m testing it out here? i feel so stupid abt this lmao just bc this is like. equivalent to just straight up not testing it out. since again, ppl don’t tend to talk about me here, just to me or with me, soooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i feel like i wanna be a bit more certain that i want this before asking irl people to do it, since im not totally sure i do want to use they/them going forward…which also is making me question whether or not i actually AM nonbinary…does anyone else ever feel like you’re only being a Weird Gender for the attention??? i feel like that all the time. about everything, not just gender, but gender is one of the more…hmmm…central aspects of identity, in some ways? now to be clear i don’t necessarily believe that is true, or at least it doesn’t HAVE to be, but that’s what society at large seems to be pushing right now, so ppl (on all parts of the political spectrum!…but, it must be said, mostly cis ppl) assume gender identity is important to everyone. but it’s not that important to me, it’s never felt important, ive never felt quite comfortable being part of either category, i don’t feel resentful that most ppl assume i’m a woman when they meet me, i’m not resentful i was raised as a woman, i don’t really care if ppl use she/her to refer to me, sometimes i even call myself i woman or a girl in conversation! not in any serious way, it’s usually like “aaah what’s a girl to do!” or you know little comments here and there, mostly based on pre-existing phrases, but i feel bad whenever i do it, and i cannot figure out if it’s because i am NOT actually a ciswoman and therefore it feels like i am misgendering myself, OR because i AM actually a ciswoman but some grotesque part of my brain is like “ugh but that’s so BORING, no one will ever love you if you’re that BORING” and then another part of my brain is like “well if you’re nonbinary just because the alternative is boring and won’t get you attention, then you probably aren’t REALLY nonbinary” and i went to middle/high school before it was really even okay to be a GAY kid let alone a TRANS one!!! and NONBINARY? wtf we didn’t HAVE that word in my schools gay straight alliance (which btw was all “straight” kids who have all since come out lol that’s what 2003 was like guys) so this is just…. all kind of new to me

ANYWAY all this is to say that i changed my stupid pronouns in my stupid bio to they/them and i feel stupid about it but (gripping edge of bathroom sink, looking at self in mirror, clenching teeth) HERE WE GO LETS DO THIS

[mithliya]

have you ever had a run in w a tim? and what happened ?

a few. my first ever irl one was at the lesbian strength march in leeds in 2019 lool they were giving away pamphlets and he came up to me and was like “this is a fascist and dangerous hateful gathering!!” n i was like “oh? how?” and he was like “they said only females can come and are excluding trans women and that’s soooo hateful bc how do u even know 😤” n i was like what’s wrong with having a lesbian march and it only being for females ?? u can just go to another one. n they were arguing u can’t tell whos female or who isn’t and used themselves as an example & i was like ermmmm i can tell you’re male and the person next to u is female tho.. and the woman was like HOW WOULD U KNOW THAT !!!! so i looked at her double d’s which were practically out and then at her face again like.. girl there’s no question about ur sex wym ._. anyways then another brown lesbian interfered and she was very very sweet and i think she even bought me a lesbian flag n was like “anything for a sister” so i forgot about the TRAs in the end

the second time that sticks out to me was still sorta online but more personal. my ex wanted an open relationship bc of some shit about needing to be with ppl with similar bodies to her to be more comfortable in her body bc my body is too flawless or sth i can’t remember exactly but it was sth along those lines. she ended up dating a trans woman on the side (which i wasn’t for, i was like “how would this help when the trans woman literally has a penis and a different body from u idgi…”) anyways the trans woman ended up being obsessed with me and would talk about fantasising about me to my gf a lot. my then-gf was like “oh, she wouldn’t be into that and wouldn’t be interested in u” and the tw was like “why?” and my then-gf said “she’s penis repulsed” which then ended w the tw being like awww thats so sad :( i hope she gets therapy and gets better. which my then-gf agreed with and was quite upsetting for me to hear lol. the trans woman even ended up making a Facebook account with an arabic name and set the location as bahrain and the pics on it were weird hentai images. it was extremely creepy bc this tw is american and im the only bahraini they knew. anyways we ended up breaking up & she ended up dating the trans woman then came out as non-binary or sth im not sure (kinda lost track) and when they broke up, the trans woman turned out to be an abuser. i mean i already had a clue bc several women spoke up about being assaulted & abused by the tw etc but were ofc called terfs. but anyways that specifically truly peaked me.