#like get a fucking hobby goddamn
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i’ve said this many times before, but it seems like a good time to say it again so, a friendly reminder: if u think a good usage of ur time and life is being creepy and rude in a stranger’s inbox (especially if u don’t even have the balls to say it all off anon), you need to get a life as well as some fucking decorum. ur weird and it’s embarrassing. this behavior isn’t normal and it’s concerning that you think it is.
#like get a fucking hobby goddamn#whatre u getting from this. a small little nugget of attention ??#take a hike dawg ur humiliating urself#this is in general to all hate anons. as i said i’ve said this many times before (and will continue to do so for however long is necessary)#i’m just reiterating the point#bc. again. this is such odd behavior
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i stg some people are so committed to utter passivity in their relationships and it is infuriating. i get that you might be shy, i get that you might be anxious about social situations, these are understandable and very common feelings
but if you want people to be interested in you, you have to make some attempt to be interesting
have hobbies. do something with your time. and then fucking tell people about it when they make conversation with you
listening to music or podcasts, or watching TV or film, aren't really hobbies, because they're literally just passive activities, but also like. if someone asks "what do you do with your time?" and you just say "oh i listen to music" that is nothing
that is a conversational cul-de-sac. what genres do you listen to? what artists? what are your genre opinions? do you attend live music? do you make music? do you collect records?
i appreciate that making conversation is a skill but fucking learn that skill. don't just sit there like a lemon waiting for people to engage with you or fucking like, all but resisting every attempt they make to ask you about your life or opinions or literally anything
#musings#every goddamn week some 22yo will try to talk to me#and i will say. i like older man#and they whine oh but why don't you just give me a chance#and it's like. because you're not interesting and you don't know how to be#because you're so scared of not being exciting or attractive or fucking it up that you just fucking sit there#whereas once people get older they basically internalise that like. people will be interested in them or attracted to them... or not#and that they may as well have hobbies and desires and opinions of their own in the meantime
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Oh to be Suzanne Collins and have little social media presence and to write a book regarding whatever current societal trend is bothering her at the moment.
#i am feeling. bothered. this weekend#i am hanging out with my wealthy cousins for their bridal shower--thank christ they are not asking me to bring anything--and tired#everyone always talking about their accomplishments and im liek... pls im wanting to go back to my boyfriend and cat right now#everyone asking what i'm doing for work--because that's all ppl seem to care about in this goddamn family--and i have to say#'i'm looking for something else'#like yoo i already lied a whole year about freelancing when really i was attempting to freelance but not getting anywhere#like i was all 'oh i make x a month just workig on my computer!' when really i was making diddly squat#end this fucking generational cycle of lying about yourself because you have to prove to everyone you are ok#i want the suzanne collins life where i can do my writing hobby without putting this fake social media persona on where i police my thought#and only post about cutesy happy things (since my genre is cozy fantasy; i have no intelligence to write anything more complex#and no passion to write anythign other than sf/f#BUT SHOUTOUT TO MY COUSIN'S HUSBAND WHO ASKED IF I READ AND MENTIONED THE WHEEL OF TIME SERIES AND MY NEURONS ACTIVATED LIKE 'HAVE YOU HEAR#OF PRATCHETT AND BRANDON SANDERSON AND GAIMAN? I CAN GIVE YOU RECS#but other than that i have to deal with my aunts bragging about their kids#one of my aunts is kind of colder and i always got this weird vibe from her like i had to earn her love which... ok. whatever. i also think#she considers me very dumb#the only bright side to any of this shit is im not in college anymore thank christ#all my cousins who are in college still have this... 'energy' around them#you know? that 'wanna kms low key but im pretending to smile and laugh' energy#delete later#tw family
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“Shipping Batcest is harmful for real-life adopted families”
First of all, no, no it’s not. “Fictional people fans think should kiss” could not be more abstracted from real life. Get some fuckin perspective, mate.
Second of all, let’s be real here. You just don’t like it. It’s okay to just not like things, or to even be squicked by them. You don’t have to make up reasons why it’s actually bAaAaAaD. You can just go “it squicks me. Next!”
Thirdly, if your issue really is “I believe the very concept to be disrespectful to adopted families” there’s an easy fix for this.
The obvious solution?
Make them all blood related.
Boom. No more issues with “adopted vs. blood related family” anymore!
You’re welcome.
#clearly the only currently ethical Batcest ship is BruDami *nods sagely*#i don’t *need* people to ship Batcest.#it’s totally okay to NOT ship things!#i would just prefer it if people dropped the morality façade and were just open with the fact that they don’t like that people like things.#‘I think the way you play with your paper dolls on your own time is harmful in some vague way with literally no supportive evidence’#fucking LISTEN TO YOURSELVES.#you could be sparking joy for others!#this also conveniently ignores that canon is CONSTANTLY bouncing around#what the batkids think of each other/how Bruce categorized them in his life.#like the entire EXISTENCE of Damian is based on the idea that a blood son is ‘more real’—#AND THAT IS CANON ITSELF.#so…do you renounce all Batcanon? cut ties to it entirely? if not—why not?#oh…so it turns out that it’s only ‘terrible and bad and disrespectful’ and blah blah if it’s done—#—within a sphere wherein you believe yourself to have some amount of power!#you can’t ‘fiction = reality’ fandom while finding a million and one excuses for why ‘fiction != reality’ for motherfuckin CANON.#CANON—which has SO MUCH MORE reach and impact than goddamn…the niche hobby space that is fandom!#i will probably delete this because I try not to get this salty on main…#…unless it’s about Jim Starlin lol.#BUT THIS KINDA SHIT GETS MY BACK UP?#don’t pretend like having a squick is some moral stance with actual meaning besides ‘it ew to me.’
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Dear all coquette bloggers clogging up the dollbr tag (especially to that one person I found under a goddamn doll specific brand tag for some reason) you're getting blocked on sight just so you're not in my search results. You're annoying and I'm saying it.
Addendum: also your monthly PSA that spamming irrelevant tags is against Tumblr's spam policy, you can report any irrelevant posts spamming a tag!
#kerytalk#ventposting#I was searching barbie dream besties just out of interest to see what they were like#why the fuck is your coquette asthetic blog spamming in the TAG#you're already ruining the goddamn dollbr hobby tag you got your own tag#IT'S CALLED COQUETTE#like you do you and shit even if I don't agree with coquette bullshit but I'll let you know#I was coquette neutral until I got into dolls again#this is straight up just tag abuse and you will be getting blocked#anyone following me with a coquette sideblog consider this a warning you will end up in the blocklist if your shit turns up#this has been a tag rant#if this triggers your rage too bad I don't have anon asks and just tag your SHIT PROPERLY
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#perfect jan 1st plans#sobbing in the fetal position under the bed like a child#god today sucks#this is why i use escapism so much#i try not to for one single goddamn day and look where that got me#seriously considering disappearing#it’s been years of this#years of one crisis after another and nothing ever gets better#everyone says it gets better eventually but i’ve felt like this since i was 12#over a decade of my life#struggling and wishing i was dead#and for what? i have nothing to show for it#no accomplishments barely any meaningful relationships no hobbies#just pain and pain and failure and embarrassment and pain#fucking hell#i’m so stupid i’m so worthless i’m so pathetic i can’t keep living with myself#vent
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#( σut σf cσntrαcts || ooc )#negativity tw#// this is your warning I'm about to be sad and annoying in the tags#// turn back now#///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#// bro I'm so fucking over being sad and tired ALL THE TIME#// I just want to feel like a person again. but all i feel lately is empty#// burnout and depression are teaming up on me AGAIN like goddamn can I have at least a few weeks of peace????#// is that really too much to ask???? I'm trying so hard to do everything right and everything is still so shit????#// I can't even like engage in hobbies because I don't have the energy#// i get on tumblr bc I want to write and immediately just get this intense sense of “i do not belong here” and sign right back off#// mayhaps it is time to call it quits
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It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.
#my stuff#i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence#like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care#i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper#like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening#And its not like i have any way to Make More Money#bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so#So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to#i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent#even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me#but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month#and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away#im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!!#i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own#like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger#so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr#i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever#and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half#ave omnissiah
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my mother needs some chill pill medication
#wanted to get a metallica tee with the master of puppets design and she saw it#then proceeded to lecture me on getting ‘nicer’ hobbies with ‘nicer music’#and how metal music is too dark for my age#mother i just wanted a cool shirt it’s not that fucking deep#fucking christ i wish i can live independently just so I can stop seeking her approval for shit i want that I know she’ll never like#and I can finally avoid her reactionary conservative bs that gets worse every goddamn day
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I feel so stupid crying over this but i just feel like the biggest idiot in the world
#i spend all my days studying all my goddamn days since OCTOBER#the closest i got to going out was when i'd go get drinks after lectures EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE#i went out with company ONCE. ONE WEEKEND. O N E#and i really AM the idiot bc it's just me#all my other friends have lives and free time#everyone i know is always out always going somewhere hanging out with someone#everyone i know on here is able to work on their hobbies all year round#the way i work like a fucking mule you'd think i'm studying medicine or something#else that guarantees a well-paid job but no. i'm in fucking language studies.#i work like a mule with all my breaks leaving me so exhausted that all i can do is scroll or just rest#and then i DON'T EVEN PASS????????#AND THEN EVEN MY SUMMER ''BREAK'' WILL BE SPENT STUDYING SOMETHING#I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW BETTER I COULD STUDY#AND EVEN THEN I'LL HAVE LIKE SIX GODDAMN WEEKS#and then what? another year starts and once again study all day have no time for myself#and because i'm stupid i'll do this for God knows how long#five years at minimum. but that's if i pass everything on time#i failed this exam but it's not a prerequisite for 3rd term only 4th term subjects#but lit is a prerequisite. if i fail this exam i'm already setting myself back an entire semester#and for what? i'm literally wasting my time#i'll be dead in 60 years if i don't raise a hand against myself sooner#i spent 20 years doing fucking nothing that i wanted to do#even during breaks it was everything my parents expected of me#God#and now i can't even go to sleep bc i'm too busy being a pussy bitch and crying about this#and i have to be up in 7½ hours yayyyyy
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i wish the person who invented arranged marriages a very DIE
#like what is even the logic?? you've turned 25 so u should get married??????????#u should get married when you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them#why does it matter when that happens at age 25 or 30 or 35 or even 40#parents and relatives are so fucking lame and bored so they need that once a year someone should get married so they can have some#happiness in their boring desolate lives#like make your own friends!!!!!! get a goddamn hobby instead of watching tv!!!!!!!#uahfbncjakakcb my parents are looking for a ladka for my sis even tho she doesn't want one!!!!!!!! and i heard my dad say 4-5 yrs baad mera#number hai#like excuse me fuck u i will run away im like not even sure sure if im NOT a lesbian#aksjdbgbakkasj AAAAAAAA#mes
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Thanks OP i needed this
I think it should take longer to make tv shows and movies. I think shooting days should be shorter. I think AD's lives should be longer. I think we shouldn't have to be in a goddamn rush all the time. I think we should have the time it takes to make good art. I think fans should wait even longer than they do and be happy that everyone who made the art is getting full nights of sleep.
#yall have NO IDEA how much i abused my body just to write my own fic. i would sleep at 2 in the morning#and get up early for work the next day even if i was sleep deprived as all fuck#like i was constantly tired and sleepy and irritable#all to submit a chapter within a few months#life was bleak and the only fucking thing i looked forward to was writing#i neglected my fucking family just to write a wholeass goddamn chapter#now i know better#i know not to write while working on the clock bcs its a recipe for disaster#since the quality of my work plummets to the gutter and I NEED THIS JOB#so no it is NOT worth it to sacrifice ur health just to submit that goddamn chapter#allow yourself to take months#allow yourself to take YEARS to submit just one chapter#but i am begging you#please live your life#do not let your life revolve around your writing#bcs life is still moving forwards for your loved ones#do not neglect them bcs every moment is precious#in fifty fucking years u will think “god i wish i spent more time w them” bcs u spent all that time writing on a fic#all im saying is#pls dont neglect ur health and ur loved ones just to do ur hobbies#the backlash is motherfucking MASSIVE#author's log#the mortifying ordeal of being known log
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Starting to like the idea of getting a second brush pen to put some accent color in
#maybe just one of those water brushes#i think i could see myself enjoying doing ink drawings with like black white and some interesting color#if there's like an orange i find that i like#or maybe an interesting green or something#I'm not going to worry about it I'm going to be uncharacteristic of myself and just let some color speak to me#i feel like I'm leaning toward a bold warm color#but we'll see#i always talk about enjoying working within abstraction limitations or whatever#arbitrarily limiting myself to like 2 colors of ink feels like the sort of thing i might enjoy a lot actually#especially if i manage to find some specific color i really like#i cannot overstate how much i enjoy using the brush pen#you get all the versatility of line without having to goddamn dip a brush and deal with an open container of ink#you can just cap it and stick it in your pocket#i would have probably been making comics with this thing a long time ago probably if I'd figured out refilling with my own ink sooner#i am hesitant to be spending money on a hobby but like chill out dude considering what food costs now a bottle of ink is nothing#fuck i should probably do it out of spite why not I'm allowed to enjoy six bucks of something
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why do ppl you barely know or interact with at all think you give a huge fuck about interacting with them?
#yeah bitch i saw you. no i didnt give a fuck. who even are you sdhjfhvgsdvghfsd#we have no interacted enough for me to like. care? about talking to you or noticing you any further than 'ive interacted w that person#before'. but the way you rushed out was funny. nice to know i have that much power 😌#kind of tells me everything i need to know and all that shit about totally not interacting w that one friend group is probably bs#you probably rushed out of there to go talk to them about how you saw me#and yall like to believe lies bc you need to shit on me bc its the only way you can feel an ounce bit better about living a shitty life#and being oppressed. crabs in a bucket type behavior over here.#the only difference is yall somehow for some goddamn unknown reason to me think you're superior to me meanwhile conservatives#throw us all in the same bucket of 'weird' so i really dont think it matters. like i really dont think your attempt to shit on me is going#to change very much of anyones opinion on you...? like ppl are gonna call you weird queer ppl anyways? welcome to the club losers?#anyways keep coping by trying to shit on me but its not gonna make your life better babe. go smoke somethin.#really wild you'd treat another trans person- someone you know irl no less- like a lolcow when yall have 0 legs to stand on like#who do yall think you are that you get to feel this superiority complex? im begging to know.#like idk if yall know this but while you're desperately clawing to feel better than me my conservative brother is lumping us all together#as crazy dumb easily manipulated trans people like i promise no amount of trying to appease cis people by trying to come off as one of#the Good and Normal trans people is going to work for you and also you'll be dumped in the trash as soon as that totally weirder#person is out of the picture. like when im gone you're gonna be the weird ones babe so.#maybe find a more productive use of your time. perhaps a hobby.#and then maybe some day yall can have made as much art as i have and have as big of a following as me too. k? 💖#which isnt like a whole lot but im sure as fuck more known than any of you....................................... . . . .
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The whole "go to sleep -> think about sh" thing is still happening. I know nobody was wondering, but it's bugging me. My blog anyways.
...
Well, we've gone too far past the "don't sh" territory that i don't think i actually ate all day.
(Owing to the shortness. No brain power probably and also i'm tired.)
And still. Without fail. The thought is there.
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#ed tw#sh tw#i dont think i'm adjusting well actually#every stupid little thing sets me off and its not even about me !!!#it's like i keep swinging between 'able to enjoy things like hobbies again' and just ... whatever this is.#it's not like ... look i exaggerate a lot ok. this is not moodswings. thats all. i'm fairly normal all things considered.#anyways i dont know !!!!!!!!!!!! what 2 do!!!!!!!!!#it took me all of guard season before i started really feeling comfortable with guard friends#but with this it's like... i guess i feel like i should know him already. and be ok with everything#well. i dont and i am not. i still feel trapped in the space i've been given.#and i dont get the impression that i'm wanted here really. more like i constantly feel like an intruder [...in my own house]#and it is NOT helping the 'executive functioning'(?) anxiety dysregulation either. i thought i was getting better but i guess today#proved me wrong in that regard. i don't remember what to liken it to.#i don't know. i was cursed with the ability to hear and it's stressing me out.#as always it comes back to being a little *too* self aware...#i know if everything was perfect it wouldnt be life or whatever but god i just want a place where i feel like i'm *safe*#take that how you will if you want.#what i mean by it is i'm tired of getting stuck because i'm scared of making a noise.#& im goddamn tired of being forced into the closet because of 1) of my circumstances (legally i cannot say)#2) the amount of anxiety i get over trying to (re-)come out to someone i KNOW isn't going to judge me in literally any way#well. i made my kofi page anyways. so maybe if i play my cards right top surgery will happen. i hope to fucking god it does >:[
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#I seriously wish that some alien or whatever would come a kidnap me and I could then travel the galaxy#Because this life right here? Absolutely miserable#I hate every second of it#And im trying to look at the positives but i fucking see none#I just feel fucking trapped in an area I don't like#Fucking courses I dont like#Fucking jobs I don't like#Hobbies I'm bored of#Waiting on stupid fucking authorities to give me an answer so that I can do a degree I dont want#I am so miserable#I hate being awake and I hate going to sleep because I know I'll have to wake up#I mean I don't even like this goddamn country anymore#And im so fucking pissed off st everything#I just hoped that I would feel differently about things I've been wanting to get done for years#But it honestly has just made me feel awful#And I am do powerless to fix it because I have no ability to physically leave#I just want to fucking leave and be alone#Has it even been just these past few years too or has it been longer#Cause I don't remember the last time I was actually happy and content for more than 2 days#I was like depressed as a child#How awesome#That it has traveled into adulthood#And no I don't want to be in a fucking class with 16 year Olds!!!!! Fuck !!!
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