#like from his pov he really DOESN'T want that much drama. he wants to fuck with casey a little bit yeah but like. nothing emotionally messy

[batsplat]

casey saw this as patronizing or whatever bc he grew up pretty isolated and physical affection was not something he was used to past a certain point in childhood……

https://www.tumblr.com/batsplat/764372520458715136/qatar-2007-cheek-caress-arm-around-the-shoulder-as

(here, also here) I am always careful not to get TOO deep into making assumptions about the non-motogp relationships of these guys, especially when it's anything related to parental dynamics... have seen some interactions with his father on screen provide evidence for this thesis, but also don't want to read too much into those. but, well. in any case. there definitely is something to this idea that casey is just like... missing out on forms of socialisation that are basically second nature to valentino, to the extent valentino isn't even thinking about them that much. which probably gives us two rather contrasting experiences of that particular moment

we know for a fact that casey was a bit bewildered by how his competitors reacted after winning races... not that he necessarily has a PROBLEM with it but what's up with all these elaborate pre-planned celebrations when you haven't even won a title... and it's so telling that he frames it as a european thing. because it's not!! it's a valentino thing that then a bunch of other riders (including obviously jorge, one of casey's peers) adopted for themselves. but fundamentally casey has this tendency to interpret a lot of his general isolation and loneliness through the lens of cultural alienation, as a way of explaining to himself why he feels so separate from the rest of the paddock, and then he uses valentino as his primary frame of reference for what europeans are like, and there's just a lot of conflating going on here... and suddenly we're getting to the point where valentino becomes very relevant to casey's general feelings of isolation

and I do have like. a hot take about 2007. which I can't fully substantiate, but it's just where I'm at with the evidence and the vibes right now. and it's that valentino really isn't particularly hostile towards casey that year. casey does talk about valentino making some remarks about him in the press that he doesn't like - but it really isn't easy to find what those remarks actually were. like, actual substantial criticisms. if valentino made some remarks with nebulously bad vibes, sure, they might have gotten lost in the mists of time - but if he'd said anything more dramatic than some mildly snide remarks, surely there'd be some record of it. there's only really reporting of casey feeling that valentino's tone towards him in the press has gotten less friendly... which is probably true! but it's also worth pointing out that casey is... uh. a sensitive character. that season, he was reacting with rather a lot of hostility to any suggestion that the tyre difference between bridgestone and michelin might be helping casey out. which valentino did say! but he was consistently framing it not as casey winning because of the tyres, but the tyre different not allowing valentino to compete with him. and valentino does switch tyres at the end of the year, so crucially he does put his money where his mouth is - he's not just complaining for the hell of it, and it's also worth pointing out that subsequent events 100% vindicate that decision. it's completely understandable that casey will have been annoyed by that... and yes, plenty of fans will have gone further in suggesting casey really only was champion due to the bridgestones and some corners of the press were definitely very annoying... but like. in the grand scheme of things, this is still pretty restrained rhetoric on valentino's part, right? it's stuff you can take offence to, but you are setting the bar rather low there

which leads us to the next issue... valentino doesn't completely blank casey like he does some of his rivals at the height of those feuds, he's still willing to engage in small talk and all of that. yes, it's entirely plausible valentino cooled off a little interpersonally towards casey, but. well. they were title rivals. that's kind of... fine? controversial opinion alert, I suppose. it's at the very least expected, surely. obviously valentino had just gone through an unusually warm title fight with nicky hayden et al - but for the most part, consensus opinion is that you're not really going to be friends with the guy you're competing with for the highest prize in the sport. and you sort of wonder how many interactions they could possibly have had before 2007 for casey even to use as a baseline. like, sure, they'll have known each other a little bit... casey's spoken about how valentino would chat to him about stuff not related to motorcycle racing, which is very sweet and all. but presumably we're talking a few pressers and paddock run-ins, right? nothing all that substantial

and if you take those facts together, add in that casey had considered valentino one of his idols... you've got valentino not opting for open hostility in 2007. the lack of any valentino comments memorable enough to still be available today. casey's sensitivity towards criticism. valentino's tendency to cool off towards direct rivals. that they were still friendly enough towards each other at the end of 2007. how there probably weren't many significant pre-2007 interactions. casey repeatedly complaining about how valentino had cooled off towards him in 2007. and of course, casey's long-standing isolation... well, it does leave you with an interesting picture. at a certain point, I do feel like all of this raises an obvious question: if valentino isn't actively insulting casey and isn't just completely blanking him, then why does casey even care if things have gotten a little more interpersonally chillier between them? why does it bother casey that valentino isn't speaking as much to him as before?

and that leads us back to qatar 2007. because my best guess is that valentino wasn't deliberately buttering casey up as much as he just sort of overshot on his default charm and left a little bit too much of an impression on this lonely kid who was having things go his way at last. valentino wasn't being patronising... he just acts that way when he loses races, whether that's his personality or an awareness that charming your opponents can be a healthy approach or a combination of the two. and yes, whether you want to attribute that to his european inclinations or having had a healthy social life - valentino isn't a stranger to a caressed cheek here or there to show his appreciation. and... well, I reckon initially casey was just extremely charmed by the whole thing. by one of his heroes chatting to him as an equal, by the god of the sport warmly congratulating him for his victory - the full force of valentino's charisma crashing into this undersocialised kid who'd been written off as a surly crash-prone loner who was a bit of a handful to work with... all the while, the commentary is informing us that casey doesn't smile a lot. that he isn't known for his drinking prowess, even! we're being actively encouraged to read the moments in parc fermé in terms of how casey doesn't tend to be either particularly sociable or particularly happy. and, well, if you don't have any friends in the paddock, if you're not close to anyone, if you're kind of short on chemistry with other riders... it does take on added significance if the valentino rossi of all people turns on the charm in your direction. and it makes it all the more painful if valentino later creates a little bit of distance in response to your budding rivalry

there's an element of casey overthinking things because he can't quite reconcile the idea that valentino can be so vicious towards him with all the friendly interactions they've had, so he ends up retroactively assigning valentino ulterior motives for all the time valentino was perfectly pleasant towards him. but that's precisely BECAUSE these interactions held a little too much significance for him... more, certainly, than they did for valentino. what european hasn't caressed the cheek of a few of their future nemeses, right. valentino practically tackled toni elias in parc fermé two races earlier at estoril 2006, like he's all over the guy all the way to the podium. (elias is actually cradling his cheek on the podium, so valentino's certainly no stranger to the sensation.) valentino certainly can be a... tactile bloke, let's say. whereas there's a serious possibility that this is the first time casey has gotten his cheek stroked by one of his fellow riders in parc fermé

so yeah. my theory is that casey did take valentino's chilliness to him exceedingly poorly in part because of how those early interactions actually meant quite a lot to him. so to casey, valentino's behaviour towards him stood out in a positive sense... he wasn't necessarily suspicious of the qatar 2007 interaction while it was happening - but casey's a suspicious character, and he did quickly grow wary of valentino. and valentino was still charming towards him at times, and a little colder on other occasions... just playing the game, really, no complex or thorny emotions for valentino to deal with in this particular rivalry. and casey never quite managed to reconcile these different sides of valentino - and it made him revisit all of valentino's behaviour towards him in an attempt to try and establish some sort of consistency. it's easier to believe that valentino was only nice to casey because he didn't take casey seriously as a threat, rather than accept that valentino might still be able to warmly congratulate casey even while plotting to destroy him. if you caress casey's cheek, you'd better not be planning to be mean about him later

[5sospenguinqueen]

Lullabies Pt 2 | Max Verstappen x Singer! Reader

Summary: Max left without letting you fully explain. Nearly a year later, he realises he made a mistake when he thinks you're moving on.

Warnings: Swearing. Angst but also fluff. Redemption arc.

Female reader with various faceclaims (pics found on pinterest). Takes place in 2021 with slightly altered timelines.

Main Masterlist

prev.

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Oct

YourUserName just posted

liked by pierregasly, kellypiquet and others

YourUserName a huge thank you to everyone who came to my album release concert! 🥀 a huge apology to anyone who missed out but after such a phenomenal crowd this evening, i'm pleased to announce the GUTS tour coming 2022!!

11,998 comments

User1 a tour!!! release the dates/countries now please and thank you

User2 mother treating us

User3 okay but when she SANG The Grudge with the tears rolling down her cheeks, poured her whole soul into that

→ User4 omg yes, you could legit feel the pain in your own chest

→ User5 no no no because what about the gasp through her sobbing at The Stranger

User6 nobody can tell me that Obsessed wasn't written as a kelly piquet pov

→ User7 haha literally because y/n has never said a bad word about this woman but she is all up in her business 

→ User8 and all up in her likes too from what i saw

User8 not my delusional ass hoping it’s max and that the lighting just made his hair darker

User9 love how she’s still featured on the wags page despite her and max not being a couple for 10 months now

→ User10 legit. they post her more than kelly

User11 i bet max is kicking himself for letting her go now that someone else has realised how much she’s worth 

FutureF1Wag i need to know where f1 wags got that pic from because it’s SOOO much clearer than the one i got

User12 okay but where can i get a man like that because that kiss looks hawt!

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Nov

YourUserName just posted a new story

lilymhe have the best time, babe. brunch debrief tomorrow?

→ YourUserName 11?

→ lilymhe absolutely 

YourBestFriend oo look at you being treated right 

→ YourUserName i know. how sweet

they're sooo pretty as well

→ YourBestFriend you’ve had bigger though 

→ YourUserName don’t do this today 

→ YourBestFriend sorry. be safe. text me when you’re home 

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Dec

User1 max really said, just because i didn't want her doesn't mean anyone else can

→ User2 be serious, he clearly loves her. he just confused his priorities for a hot second

User3 the way these rumours have been floating since max and kelly went social media official though. like everyone has constantly said they're on the rocks since we found out about them

→ User4 literally. like i loved max and y/n but they've both moved on. people are just creating drama because they can't accept that max and y/n aren't together anymore

User5 no because y/n is literally max's forever after and nobody can convince me otherwise

User6 max and y/n are literally each other's one true love. kelly was just the poison apple that leads to their true love's kiss

User7 y/nstappen shippers rise!

User8 she's watching his races again!

User9 she watched him win!!

User10 @ YourBestFriend is just like us for real. you can tell she's been praying for them to get back together

→ User11 she's feeding us crumbs and we're lapping them up

User12 not red bull down here fighting with us in the trenches

maxverstappen1 just posted

liked by YourUserName, danielricciardo and others

maxverstappen1 FUCK YEAH! WORLD CHAMP! 🥇🇳🇱 a huge thank you to @ redbullracing for their support throughout the whole season. you made all of this possible.

7,330 comments

redbullracing what a season! here's to many more, champ

christianhorner so unbelievably proud of you! enjoy the celebrations

danielricciardo congrats, mate. couldn't be happier for you. looking forward to celebrating later 🍾

landonorris woohoo! my shirt is still wet from your tears

→ maxverstappen1 don't lie. you cried more than i did

→ landonorris true

mclaren well done, max! an amazing achievement

YourUserName congrats, world champ x

liked by maxverstappen1

→ User13 mama en papa

→ User14 not the best phrase to use when the reason they broke up is due to a miscommunication about having children 

User15 omg omg omg, not a drill, guys. the queen has commented. and max liked!! 

→ User16 user we may not get them back together but i’ll take the tiny trickles of friendship they give us

→ User17 same sis same 

→ User18 may our delulus come trululu

YourUserName just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, carmenmmundt and others

YourUserName so i may have just won my first grammy? my ultimate gratitude to @ lovelessofficial for taking a chance on me when no one else would, the biggest love to those who supported me before i deserved it, and a final huge thank you to the inspiration behind the album 💕🦁

9,556 comments

User1 miss thing, looks like you got more than just your first grammy

→ YourUserName it's definitely a nice collection ;)

francisca.cgomes so proud of you, minha linda 🌼

→ YourUserName couldn't have done it without you pouring wine down my neck, kiks

lilymhe that's my girl!!

YourBestFriend wow, look at that dress. it would look better on my bedroom floor

liked by maxverstappen1

lewishamilton amazing achievement, y/n. well done

→ YourUserName thanks, lewis. you raced so well this season

danielricciardo did somebody say celebratory drinks later? 🥂

maxverstappen1 congrats, grammy winner x

liked by YourUserName

→ lovelessofficial thanks for joining us for the celebrations

→ User2 max was at her after party!!!!

→ User3 over a year after their breakup and we might be getting them back together??

User4 the trophies in their house must be overwhelming 

→ User5 love that we’re talking like they’re already back together

User6 'the inspiration behind the album' is so shady and sweet haha, poor max. i love that he'll be forever reminded of how badly he fumbled

→ User7 what makes you think she's on about max

→ User6 um, she wrote the album after their breakup and used the lion emoji, which she always used in posts about him. read the room, babes

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Jan

YourUserName just posted

liked by victoriaverstappen, charles_leclerc and others

YourUserName happy new year's from me and my loved ones to you and yours (yes, he got drunk after this and ruined the rest of my photos)

13,441 comments

User8 omg omg omg omg!!!

User9 they're back together! they're back together! we win!

charles_leclerc beautiful couple. glad to see you both happy again

danielricciardo yuck. i haven't missed the pda

→ YourUserName you're just jealous you can't be our third

→ danielricciardo every day baby

maxverstappen1 i didn’t ruin them! they just become less pg

→ User10 woah, mr verstappen, we were not familiar with you

redbullracing our favourite trophy winning couple. can't wait to have y/n back in the paddock next month

maxverstappen1 looking forward to all that the future brings us, mijn mooie vrouw 🥰

→ YourUserName mijn lieve echtgenoot 💕

→ User11 um, the pet names!!!

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I know some people said on Danny’s that they wanted it to be longer but this are only planned as a duo series. Sorry, guys! 💕

Baby Fever Angst Series

Tag list

@bibissparkles @barcelonaloverf1life @rlalliehayes @dullypully @softtina @callsignwidow @lav3nder-haze @minkyungseokie @luvrrish @fall-bambi @evans-dejong @sadsierra2 @justdreamersdream @spookystitchery @dark-night-sky-99 @majusialikesfastcars @luckyladycreator2 @bborra @mrosales16 @reguluscrystals @tvdtw4ever @alwaysclassyeagle @gigicisneros @spanishcorndogs @thecubanator2 @goldenharrysworld @awritingtree @jxnellat @sbrn0905 @hc-dutch @buckybarnessweetheart @ironmaiden1313 @dreamercrowd @yourbane @reguluscrystals @peachiicherries @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @itsjustmyopinionf1 @evesfile @openthenyoor01 @princessria127 @hrrorflm @the-untamed-soul @nataliambc @oliviarodrigostan13 @sweate-r-weathe-r

As always, so sorry if I missed anyone. Thanks for all your support x

[kaijunouhhhhhhhhhhummmm]

Share With Me

4.4k/ Reader pov x soshiro build up/ reader has a big family/ it's chaotic but in a good way/ some drama with soshiro/  angy soshiro/ trying my darndest to be gn with my reader POV but im sure i missed somethin/ i guess hurt and comfort?/ where are all my ppl with loud and invasive families at haha

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Soshiro has yelled before. “Get those legs up!” “More! C’mon I know you got more in you!” “Ten more reps then we’ll call it a day!” all commands in training or shouting orders when on a mission. Sure, he’s yelled and shouted at all of you a whole lot. But always in your best interest. For your protection, strength, encouragement, to make you better. But this time was different. 

It got very silent after he did. This time he wasn't shouting from his usual place of care. He was angry. Almost menacing even. Worse, it was directed at you. 

You dropped your staff in the middle of armed combat training. It happens. Not a big deal. Usually. People drop staffs, swords, guns, all the time and then everyone corrects form and  moves on. Not today. 

You’re frozen in place. For the first time you find yourself afraid of the vice captain. There is always the knowledge that he could kill you if he really wanted to. He is extremely talented and could take a whole school of trainees. Of course. There is the reverence of his ability at all times. But to feel like it could be used against you? You’ve never felt fear quite like that sink into your bones. You’re sure your skin has gone pale and your basic bodily functions like breathing and heartbeat faltered. Everyone else feels it too. His eyes, a brilliant violet, are staring into yours and you can't move. The strength you were using a moment ago vanishes.The tension in his body seems ready to pounce on you. What did you do wrong? You couldn't understand. You go through all your movements in your head. Everyone drops fighting props. What did you do wrong? He berated you infront of everyone and internally you're doing it to yourself now too.

Kafka breaks the silence in the room and the panic in your head. “Hey, uh, vice captain, I’ll work with them.” He puts his hand on your shoulder and with a tug pulls you out of your frozen state and guides you away from Soshiro’s glare to a far corner of the gymnasium. Soshiro doesn't argue and you feel his eyes on the both of you as you’re guided away. The tension is still heavy in the air as you both walk. 

Practice continues quietly and with hesitancy from everyone as they avoid being on the receiving end of any more of his ire. You can feel eyes on you and murmurs of “Shit, that was intense.” “They okay?” “I wouldn't be.” You're still shaking a bit as Kafaka tries to guide you through the movements. A pitying look on his face you're half grateful for. You’re still trying to figure out what happened. What did you do that was so incorrect? Maybe something you did before this? 

“Hey.” Kafka’s low soft voice snaps you back from your spiral again. “Keep your eyes on me okay?” 

You nod trying to steel your nerves but you’re too afraid to look back at the vice captain. God, you think you’re going to cry actually. His anger is so frightening but more so is the thought of disappointing him. Kafka is fighting you with the same gentleness he would use on a kitten. 

Practice ends and your friends practically run to you. You're grateful for the shield they provide as you all put your weapons away and leave the gym. You still don't dare to look at the vice captain. Embarrassed, hurt and tired you let them guide you to the cafeteria. 

“Okay what the fuck was that?” Iharu asks once you're all out of earshot from Soshiro. 

“Yeah, that was a bit much.” Reno says.

“A bit? It was uncalled for.” Kikoru says, noticeably upset. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for berating people when it's called for but (y/n) wasn't doing anything wrong. We all drop our staff sometimes.” 

“Yeah, especially during sparring.” says Reno

“You didn't do anything to piss him off before training did ‘ya?” Iharu asks you.

“No? I don't think so?” It's not like you havent been thinking about it. It's all youve been thinking about. What did you do that was so wrong? 

“Hey, even if they did, that kind of reaction is uncalled for.” Kikoru says.

“She’s right.” Reno says. “Even if (y/n) had, vice captain still has to be mindful of how he carries out punishment. Obviously after he did that it affected morale.”

“Was he acting a bit off to any of you before training started?” Kikoru asks. 

“Nah, I didn't notice anything.” Iharu says. 

“What else is new?” Reno remarks. 

“Hey!” Iharu says, punching Renos arm. 

“Yeah, way to have self awareness, Iharu.” Kikoru adds. 

You all laugh at Iharu’s expense and his many failed objections to having some level of self awareness. 

Kafka sighs “I don't know what that was but I bet it's got nothing to do with you, yeah?” he rests a heavy arm over your shoulders as you all reach the cafeteria. “At least you won't be here for the rest of the week.”

“Oh yeah, your big family gathering and all.” Iharu pinches your arm.

That brings a smile to your face. You haven't seen your family in months, much less extended family and you're excited to have some home cooking and for your parents to buy your dinners for you when you all go sightseeing. You appreciate your friends so much for trying to make you feel better. A family away from your own. Kafka is probably right. Maybe something did happen to Soshiro before training. It still stung though. 

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Five days go by in a very turbulent cyclone of hugs, sometimes the bear kind, kisses, hand shaking, other times straight up picking you up and shaking your whole body greetings. “Cousin!” “Sister!” “Mom!” “Uncle!” “Dad!” “Look at you! You’re real strong now, huh?” “Can we fight?” “How many kaiju have you killed?” “Any cute guys you got your eye on?” “Do you travel a lot?” “Do you get to keep body parts?” “Where can I get their body parts?” “Gross.” “I bet it's fun.” “I bet it's gross.” “Stop talking about it. I hate thinking about my baby in that situation.” “They arent your baby anymore!” “Yeah they are. Just a bigger baby now.” And on and on like that constantly for days. It doesn't particularly end at night either. 

You’ve all gathered at your grandfather's house managing to squeeze something like 15 people (with more coming and going) into four bedrooms, two living rooms, four closets and some even camping in the kitchen. Still more come for dinners and outings but do not stay the night. At night you can hear your mother and aunts cackle and chat about old boyfriends, girlfriends, some information you could have gone your whole life not hearing about your uncles and who in the family died recently. They talk outside for hours and still get up before everyone else to make breakfast. Your uncles outside talking about work and how their jobs are treating them. Maybe find new contacts through each other. Not everyone could take the time off for the reunion. Some come and go for work. Some drop by for lunch. Some relatives you only see briefly, some you spend the whole week with. Your grandfather half heartedly watching the kids with your other grandfather. Your afternoons with your cousins are left chatting about who's dating who, who's going to work where, accepted to what school, marrying someone here, going on a trip elsewhere. 

Long walks, shopping trips, hikes, several grocery runs, long drives, sleeping in cramped seats, lots of cleaning after dinner, arguing about bathroom order. You figure every single minute was used for something. It feels like a lof once you reflect on it but it's familiar and comforting even if stressful at times. Finding the quiet moments to speak in the silence of a tired house late at night are some of the best conversations you ever have. They happen in bedrooms, on the patio, in the backyard, in the kitchen, outside past the gate on the sidewalk, the bathroom. Whispers of gossip, your aunt's new young boyfriend, your cousin's way too expensive car that has your aunt shake her head when mentioned. Tense moments that are forced to pass, laughter that hurts your sides when you breathe, honestly that brings some to cry, reminiscing of days that make everyone silent and listen intently. Understanding this is passed wisdom you may not get the chance to hear again. Sometimes this all happens at once in the same room.

Your mom announces she wants to have a big dinner tonight since most of your family will leave the following day. All day all hands are helping cook, clean, shop, set tables, chairs, speakers, putting on makeup, doing hair, choosing outfits and shopping some more.

Finally everyone is in for the evening and once again settling down for long conversations, drinking, playing games, eating and dancing. You are often on your feet getting this for that uncle, helping an aunt with that, giving a cousin this, talking to grandma about some other thing you haven't thought about since you were eight. 

You finally get a chance to sit at a crowded table breathing in for a moment. So many family and friends showed up that the dinner had to spill out to the patio from inside. Then more friends and family arrived and then it spilled out into the front yard. All the young, too cool teens in the backyard, your cousins closer to your age crowded around you talking, well, more like yelling but that's just how they speak. Your older aunts and uncles half singing half telling stories to laugh at each other too. Some others helping set up hanging lights on the trees. Soshiro casually speaking with one of your uncles by the gate. The kids chase each other with toys or beg for a water slide. 

Wait.

Soshiro casually speaking with your uncle by the front gate?

No, you weren't drinking unlike your other cousins so you definitely were not imagining Soshiro casually holding a conversation with your uncle. Now one of your aunts is walking towards him with a drink. Oh god what is going on. 

You shoot up to your feet and try as fast as you can to get to him but have to shove past chairs and tables set tightly by each other. Push by family standing and talking. Squeeze around others carrying food and barely managing not to trip past spatially challenged adults and children. 

“Vice captain!” You shout although you don't mean to be so loud but you are still not convinced this is really happening. You’re actually not sure if you didn't drink something earlier while being tossed around for chores and taking a sip from anything to quench your thirst and forgot. 

Soshiro turns to you with his usual unreadable expression. He’s holding what looks like orange soda in his hand. “Hello (y/n). I hope you don't mind my intrusion but I really wanted to talk to you-”

“(y/n)! Why didn't you say you were going to have guests come today?” your aunt that handed him his drink asks.

“I didn't know I had any.” you say to her confused, worried, and maybe a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry I wasn't expecting anyone from the division to show up. What are you doing here?” you ask him. A million scenarios of how this evening could go horribly wrong play out. You're suddenly very self conscious. 

Before Soshiro can say anything you see one of your uncles walk towards you and give you both a look. You know that look. It's the look every family member in the history of family has always given when they are about to ask the dreaded question. You are too late to stop him from asking: “Boyfriend?” 

“NO!” you shout just as the word comes out of his mouth. But now you’ve managed to attract everyone's attention within earshot. You hope the music drowned out your uncle asking that. You dare a quick look at Soshiro’s face but it's unmoving. Thank god he's always had such a good poker face. 

Cousins begin to walk up “Hey, there (y/n)’s friend that is definitely not a boyfriend! What's your name?” 

This is gonna be a long evening. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're both sitting next to each other. It's been something like three hours and they have not stopped asking Soshiro questions. It's not everyday a famous kaiju killing officer shows up to a family gathering. You’re exhausted from trying to protect Soshiro from evasive questions but he takes it all in stride. He answers all questions promptly and gives just the right amount of information. He’s so tactful with your rude family it's admirable. There's no point in you telling them not to ask something because Soshiro has already responded. You stop trying to stop it. He's perfectly trained in combat and intrusive family conversation too it seems.

“So vice captain, is (y/n) any good at what they do?” a cousin asks with a baby on his lap. 

You’re about to say something but then remember the last training session you had with your division. You’re actually not so certain yourself. 

“(y/n) has exceeded all of my expectations.” he turns to you. “I couldn't have asked for a better officer to be in my platoon.” 

You search his face for a clue of him joking or waiting for a punchline. But his smile is sincere. You want to be moved by his response but you think he's probably just trying to make you look good in front of your family. 

Your cousins murmur their comments of approval among themselves. “Hey, vice captain, would you like something else to drink?” one of your cousins asks from further down the table. 

“Please, I’ll get my own drink. Don't trouble yourself.” he stands and turns to you. “Would you like anything?” 

You're still not quite sure what to make of all of this. A refill is not really a thought you're having. 

“(y/n) probably wants some of the cake we have at the table by the drinks.” someone else chimes in. 

“I can get that myself.” you do want the cake but having your superior serve you is too weird to handle. You start to get up from your chair when he interjects. 

“It's okay. I’m happy to. Enjoy your time with your family.” he says smiling then scooting past everyone towards the drink table.

“He’s nice.” “Yeah, I figured defense force officers were kinda meat heads, you know?” “He has real good manners.” “He's sitting so straight.” “I didn't know they made them like that anymore.” your cousins comment. 

One of them shoves your shoulder playfully. “He’s super cute!” she gestures to Soshiro speaking with your lively little cousin swinging a stick like a sword. “Why didn't you say you were inviting someone?” 

“I didn't.” you continue to watch him making sure nobody is being rude towards him. Who knows how this is going to affect your job if your family does something offensive or stupid. 

“He just showed up?” 

“Yeah. I mean I have to report where I’m going to be but I didn't invite anyone.” 

“He just wanted to show up?” another cousin asks. 

You nod. They give knowing looks to each other. 

“What?” you ask firmly. Who knows what mischievous things they're communicating with each other telepathically it seems. “Don't say anything stupid in front of him please.”

“Hey, we aren't gonna have you lose your job.”

“Does he do this a lot? Just show up to officers' houses unannounced?” your cousin who asked about inviting him wonders. She has a tone that you can tell is heading this conversation somewhere you don't want it to. 

You sigh irritated. “It’s not like that.” 

“Why not?” another cousin asks. 

Some of them are giggling now. They are enjoying this excruciating line of questions. 

“Because.” you say wanting this conversation to end before he comes back. 

“Are you not allowed to date superiors?” 

“No- I- well, I don't know.” You shake your head frustrated that they're leading you on the exact conversation you're trying to avoid. “It doesn't matter, okay! It’s not going to happen!” 

“Do you want it to?” someone further down the table asks. You had no idea the conversation had reached that far down. You can feel your face start to burn and you don't want to give them anymore ammo. It's time to make your escape before they realize your face is a giveaway. 

You stand up. “I’m gonna check on him.” you begin to walk away and some of them start to whistle a love song, giggle or whisper little comments. They definitely saw your face turn red. 

You get to Soshiro as he was about to head back to the table. He's holding your cake and his drink “You mind if I eat that somewhere else? It's getting stuffy at the table.” 

Soshiro smiles, not looking eager to return to his interrogation. “Sure. I’ll follow your lead.” 

“Let's go out to the sidewalk.” You both begin to walk towards the gate. You wish you could shrink your head into your body like a turtle. The looks you both are getting as you walk out is enough to make you want to disappear. 

You give a long exhale when you're both finally out the gate. You lean against the wall that borders your grandfathers home. The music and noise from the party faded considerably behind the brick. Soshiro hands you your food. 

“Thank you for getting this for me.” 

“Of course.” he takes a drink from his cup. 

“It's been such a whirlwind I didn't ask you why you're here.” you cut a smaller piece of cake to eat. 

“You did. Earlier. I just didn't get a chance to respond.” 

You stop chewing. “I did?” 

A smile grows on his face. “Yes. But I understand. I’m so sorry for showing up like this. I just needed to speak with you about last week.” 

“Last week?” 

He nods. A pained expression taking over his face. He places his cup down on the sidewalk. “(y/n),-” he faces you with a determined look. His voice is serious. You tense up not sure why he suddenly had to put his cup down for whatever he's about to do. For a moment you think hes going to kick your ass for having such a loud fucking family. He bows. “Please forgive me for my extremely rude behavior.” 

Your brain stops. “What?” is all you manage to squeak out. 

He rises up. He’s looking down but you can tell from his face that he means this. “Last week. I lashed out at you. It was uncalled for. I immediately regretted it after it happened.” 

You think for a second, still trying to catch up to the fact that Soshiro Hoshina just bowed to you. Then you remember. “Oh!” 

He gives you a look that says ‘Seriously? I’m trying to apologize and you don't even remember?’

“Sorry, it's just, well, this week has been so busy I kinda forgot about that. I mean until you showed up anyways.” you clear your throat. “I didn't expect you’d apologize for it. Much less show up here to do it.” 

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I shouldnt’ve’ shown up.” 

“No! Its fine that you did! It was just shocking.” 

He takes a deep breath and exhales. “I wanted to talk to you the next day but then I was told you were on break for a week. And, well, I didn't want to wait any longer. It was…” he trailed off before starting again. “It was botherin’ me too much. You looked real hurt so… I’m sorry.” 

A pause between you two follows and the only sounds are the nighttime insects and your family's music and laughter that echoes past the wall. Then it hits you. You're five hours away from Tokyo right now. Your vacation ends the day after tomorrow. He could have waited another day. He could have called. Even a text if he really wanted to apologize that way. But more importantly you never expected he’d apologize to begin with. It hurt and you were scared but you figured that was just part of the territory of being in the defense force. You get your commanding officers ire sometimes. 

“... I accept your apology.” You say looking at your half eaten cake suddenly too shy to face him.

He sighs in relief. “Good.” 

Another pause. 

“You came all this way to apologize?” you ask, looking at him. Searching his eyes. 

He looks at your eyes in return and doesn't respond for a moment. “Yeah.” he smiles. “Can I have some of that?” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah but I dont have another fork-” He steals your fork and takes a piece of the cake. 

He chews and swallows. “It's good.” 

You watch him chew. Stunned that he just did that. “Yes.” 

“Homemade?” 

“Yes.” 

“You like it a lot too, huh?” 

“Yes.” That's the only response you can say apparently. 

He chuckles then his voice drops when he speaks. “I have so much fun with you. I didn't want what happened to affect us.” 

You watch him not sure what to think right now so you say the first thing that comes to mind. “I have fun with you too.” You suck your lips into your mouth directly after saying that because never would you have imagined you'd have the bravery to say something like that to him. 

He laughs. “What's with that face?” 

You pretend not to know what he's talking about, raising an eyebrow still sucking on your lips. 

He laughs more and you try to hold your lips in but end up bursting out in a laugh too. It's so good to hear him laugh. It's so contagious. It always makes you smile without fail. You both go on until the laughing subsides on its own. You now remember what happened after the training session. 

“Can I ask you if something happened before the session that made you do that? I was afraid I did something to disappoint you.” 

His expression visibly shifts to a serious one as you say that. His eye brows furrow slightly like he's mad at you for saying that. “You could never disappoint me.” 

You once again are at a loss for words so you give a nod instead. 

He joins you leaning on the wall. He silently looks down at his shoes for a moment as if thinking of what to say before facing you. “I don't want to give you excuses.” 

You shake your head slowly. “Not an excuse. We were wondering if something had happened. You're not usually like that.” 

Soshiro looked hesitant to say anything. He seemed to look everywhere except back at you. He opened and closed his mouth several times before speaking. “My family isn't like yours ya’ know.” 

There had always been whispers about the Hoshina family. Not very good ones. Soshiro also doesn't often volunteer information about himself. But maybe tonight he's making an exception because he feels guilty. 

“My brother called me and…” he sighs irritatedly and drags a hand across his face. "I'd rather not bore you with the details.” he says with a breathy half assed laugh. “It’s a nice night with your family. I dont wanna ruin that.”

He's uncomfortable and you can see it. It stings a little bit that he won't tell you. 

He picks up on changes in your facial expression as you look away. “Sorry. I know I just spent the whole evening with your family but…” he sighs. “It’s just a lot that you really don't need to worry about.” he’s trying to sound like he's doing you a favor. 

You give him a sad smile. You want to know. You want to know everything about him. “I understand.” You understand that he's your boss and there's always going to be an invisible boundary between the two of you because of that. Can't get too close. That's always it isn't it? You both can laugh, joke, he can show up to your family gathering unannounced, charm all of them, get you cake, but no. You can't get too close. “But I want you to know you don't have to keep it to yourself. I mean you tried that and look where you are now.” 

He snorts. “Yeah you’re right.” He looks at the top of the wall then the gate. “It's not such a bad place to be though.” A sudden wave of laughter comes from behind the wall. Your family's joy makes you smile. 

“Yeah I guess they aren't so bad.” You eat more of your cake. “But it's not always like this, you know.” He looks at you curiously. “I just want you to know families are complicated. But I'm sure you know that.” 

He nods knowingly. “Yeah. I get it.” He stretches and takes the fork from your hand, swiping the last piece of cake for himself before you can say anything. He picks up the cup and chugs down his drink. He grimaces “Yeah your uncle for sure put somethin’ in that.” You laugh. “Well I'm gonna head out.” He checks the time on his phone. “I’ll catch the last train to Tokyo if I leave 10 minutes ago.”

You start to panic. “Are you gonna be able to get home?” 

He shrugs and starts to walk away. “If anything I’ll stay at the nearest base.” He waves as he walks backwards. “Thank your family for me! They were great! I’ve never heard someone be asked if they were my (girlfriend/ boyfriend/ partner) sa’ many times and be so cool ‘bout it!” 

You blush. You become the shade of a ripe strawberry. The inside of a watermelon perhaps. “What!?” 

He chuckles. “I’ll see you back at base soon!” 

You watch him walk away casting long shadows by lamp posts as he passes them. You ask him in a whisper “Why didn't you just wait until I got back?” 

[steddieas-shegoes]

frankie

for @corrodedcoffinfest prompt 'freak'

rated t | 930 words | cw: temporary character death | tags: canon-adjacent events, frankie pov, eddie munson lives

🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴

Frankie doesn't think he's a freak. He knows he's not the typical teenager, but he definitely knows there's weirder dudes out there.

Take Eddie Munson, for example. He's fuckin' weird.

He knows people call him a freak for a lot of reasons: he's got long hair, likes heavy metal, plays DnD, and is allegedly queer.

Frankie stays under the radar as much as possible, but he ends up at Eddie's table, sitting next to his one and only friend, Jeff. Eddie's starting a DnD club, needs people who are serious about playing long campaigns. He's a senior and "wants to leave a legacy."

Jeff convinces him to try it out.

He tries it out.

He has fun.

He becomes a freak, too.

And, actually, Eddie isn't really a freak. He's eccentric, sure, but he's definitely not what everyone implies when they call him that.

He's kind in his own way, inviting to people where most other kids at school have their cliques and don't let anyone else in. He's funny, too, sometimes completely unintentionally.

His Uncle is nice enough to let them use their trailer for campaigns, at least until Eddie is able to convince the school to let them use the storage room in the auditorium. They have to fight for space, especially when it comes time for the end of year drama club performance.

Frankie doesn't think much about what will happen when Eddie graduates. He assumed Jeff will run the club since he's Eddie's right hand man.

But Eddie doesn't graduate.

Frankie starts to get into the same music as him, no longer worried about wearing his Black Sabbath shirt to school. It's just music.

He doesn't worry about shaving his head, letting his natural curls grow out a little.

Maybe he's more of a freak than he thought, but it doesn't bother him when he hears others whisper it under their breath. Eddie wears it like a badge of honor, and now he does too.

****

When the news reports that Eddie is the suspect in the murder of Chrissy Cunningham, Frankie knows they've got it wrong.

Eddie is a lot of things, he's a freak, he's different. But he's not a murderer.

He's also gay as fuck, and while very few people know that, Frankie knows he had no intentions with that girl other than to sell to her. Maybe he should have been more careful, but he's gotten away with it this long. Eddie never pushes anything on anyone, only sells to those who seek him out, so there's no way she wasn't the one who wanted drugs.

It seemed to Frankie like a wrong place, wrong time situation for all involved.

Eddie was missing, which means he got scared and ran, and Frankie isn't sure what that means for any of them.

Everything is hanging in a weird balance for days.

Gareth swears he saw him in an RV when his parents dragged him to The War Zone, but no one believed him. Frankie didn't not believe him, he just figured Eddie was probably already out of the state.

Guilty people may run, but so do innocent people with a bounty on their head.

***

Frankie doesn't think Eddie is coming back.

He sees Dustin crying and handing Wayne something. He sees Steve Harrington of all people in Eddie's vest, a vest that now has some suspicious stains on it.

No one mentions him for a while.

Gareth is a mess, and Jeff keeps saying that he'll come back, but the news spreads that he's dead and Frankie feels like he's the only one who is taking that seriously. He doesn't realize how much he's hurting until they're standing in Jeff's garage with no idea how to fill the space Eddie left in the band.

"I think we should have auditions," Jeff says quietly.

"I think you should fuck yourself," Gareth bites back.

Jeff sighs. Gareth crosses his arms.

"I think you guys should come with me," Lucas interrupts from the driveway.

They go with him because Frankie is sure he wouldn't have even spoken to them if it wasn't important. They barely talked since everything happened over Spring Break, but now that school's starting up again, they'll need to figure out Hellfire Club.

He leads them out of the neighborhood and towards the neighborhood at the bottom of the hill: Loch Nora. The nice neighborhood.

It's hot and Frankie and Gareth are both sweating by the time they make it to their destination: Steve Harrington's house.

"You guys can't say shit to anyone, got it? You'll put us all at risk." Lucas is glaring at all of them as he knocks in a very specific pattern on the front door.

"Are you leading us to our deaths?" Frankie asks, only half-joking.

"Despite what Mayfield thinks, I'm not gonna kill anyone."

"Eddie!" Gareth yells as he runs past Frankie and Jeff into the house.

"Alright, keep it down." Steve says from the couch. "Neighbors don't need to know he's hiding out here."

"Holy shit, it's good to see you," Jeff finally says as it registers that Eddie is actually in front of them.

"You know, I was prepared to take on the role of freak," Frankie said quietly. "Just to protect all your sheepies."

Eddie smiled at him. "Yeah?"

Frankie nodded.

"Well, you still can. I'm not gonna go back to school anyway."

"So what will you do?" Frankie asked.

"Not sure," Eddie shrugged. "Teach you my ways, I guess."

Frankie smiled at him. "First lesson: how'd you come back from the dead, dude?"

[theoddest1]

Blitz when Stolas fucks up: Reasonably mad and firmly believes Stolas only wants him around to fuck him. Show doesn't even really focus on how huge of a fuck-up Stolas committed and instead focuses solely on his feelings and POV as opposed to Blitz, the victim when it comes to their relationship. Quickly moves on from this and only really comes back to it to reset the drama in a way.

Stolas when Blitz "fucks up": Heavily focuses on how big of a screw up Blitz is when it comes to love and hammers in how much he has hurt Stolas immediately in the next episode. Show has Stolas toss point after point and has Blitz stumbling over his words like there aren't a thousand witty valid comebacks he can easily make. Again, focuses more on Stolas this time round when it comes to their relationships and when it focuses on Blitz, nowhere near as "in-depth" as Stolas lil backstory on his childhood.

Man....I sure do love a biased as shit show.

[gothicafish]

I wake up randomly in the middle of the night so here are some things I love about kevin can fuck himself

-obviously the switch between sitcom and drama pov. It's such a good way to show how Kevin's pov (sitcom) controls the narrative especially in front of other people and how other people don't really see the abuse bc "lighthearted" narrative he pushes that often makes Allison look bad (she's a bad driver, she's not funny/can't take a joke, etc)

-this kinda goes with the last one but how people who have interacted with Kevin treat Allison. Like Sam. When she goes to the diner the night she sneaks out Sam she says she needs to talk because she finally has something to say and as she's trying to vent to him, instead of just listening he tells her that all she wanted was someone to "sit her and nod and agree with you" Like dude obviously she wanted you to LISTEN not you're advice.

-This similar thing also happens with. Diane. When Allison steals the bellecheck hoodie and wears it to work Diane's first question after hearing Allison say it's her new favorite is "has Kevin seen this new look ? ...it's not fair to Kevin...you got lucky" [that she's letting herself go ].

-i also love how they make almost every male character suck at least just a little bit bc yeah it be like that sometimes. For Kevin it's obviously the verbal, emotional abuse/manipulation of not only Allison but everyone in his life, with Sam it's that he's cheating on his WIFE and (imo) very dismissive of Allison's abuse, with Neil it's thay he's mooching off of patty and manipulating people into thinking he's dumber than he is so people will do things for him and he generally just treats Allison like shit, and Chuck (Diane's husband) just a disgusting cheater, the man from the car shop could have gotten Allison assaulted bc she slapped him while she was high. Etc. The only redeemable man i think is Kevin's dad who went along with a lot of Kevin's dumbassery but was ultimately also a victim of Kevin's abuse and did try to remind Kevin to be good sorta.

- I also love how they are able to portray several types of abuse and the reasons why they can't leave/ are in the sitchuation to begun with.

-Allison can't leave kevin bc she has no money (he controls the finances) doesn't have a good relationship with living parents, Diane is in the same situation too. And then IMAGINE trying to divorce kevin?? NIGHTMARE. Not only bc as we've seen he'd never let her do that to begin with but also because if they pushed the divorce the most likely story is that, with Kevin's luck he'd find some kind of loophole that let's him stay with more than Allison.

-Dianes husband is cheating on her and she's able to leave for a few weeks. Bc once again she has no where to go, Chuck probably controls the finances and has sole ownership of their house, I assume has no family to turn to so she goes back and "forgives him" because there are simply no other viable options.

- niel has been using patty to provide basically everything for him and what she doesn't kevin pays for. AND I think she dodged a bullet with the boyfriend.

-even Jenn (sams wife) has been emotionally cheated on for pretty much the duration of their relationship and then fully cheated on for thr latter half.

-OH YEAH I almost forgot the whole reason I made this post. Throughout everything kevin in someway always wins. And dude if you have ever lived with someone like that THATS EXACTLY HOW IT FUCKING IS. no matter what happens to them or if you do or anyone else does something to subtly and inadvertently teach them a lesson they always fucking prevail. People like kevin are the luckiest goddamn people in the world and the only times they're NOT lucky is in situations that also/mostly affect you. It's the most infuriating thing to witness bc despite all your suffering, grievances, and through all the inconvenience and annoyance they cause you they still fucking win at your expense.

-ANOTHER THING a love about this shoe is that it also does a pretty good job of showing the nessecity of female companions as a woman. If you've ever taken a college level English class you've probably heard of this notion before (I'm sorry I can't remember the exact term they use for it rn ) but basically it's a good rule of thumb to have another woman you can talk to and share with. Allison is pretty much completely isolated except for Kevin's friends or Diane or Sam. But when Allison and patty become genuine friends imo she starts finding who she is again and who she could be without kevin. (I think I'm gonna edit this later bc I think ibexplained thay horribly.) And not only that, Tammy with all her expirence in the cj field, despite her jealousy of Allison and multiple confrontations she still believes Allison and completely sympathizes with her.

-one more thing Allison and patty 100% in love. They're literally gonna die old and alone together.

-my own personal headcanon that I think was hinted at in the flashback to when Allison met Kevin. She met patty first and I think patty liked Allison immediately buy Allison chose kevin.

- also one thing I have noticed is if you watch this show with women they clock immediately the subtleties of the abuse (ex. Kevin standing on Allison's pottery barn coffee table and breaking it) but if you watch with a man that kinda goes over most of their heads. Cause like yeah it's just a table. But it's not. It's a POTTERY BARN coffee table that she found on SALE and it's thr nicest thing they own and it's constantly being treated like shit and Allison is always being bullied for buying a cheap table.

[beanghostprincess]

Why do you think in shuggy break up Luffy would be on buggy side?

I think it's obvious, isn't it? The core purpose and inspiration of Luffy are dreams and freedom. Luffy's character quite literally is just about that (and more, but those are his main character traits). As the story progresses, we see him helping others, not because he wants to or because he's nice like that (he isn't. He is a fucking menace to society) but because those are the specific buttons you have to press for him to be empathetic or resentful. Luffy is pretty much a selfish person. He's not helping others just because he can, but because of the unfairness of the world or how they treat others. If he doesn't get along with you, he gives zero fucks about what happens to you UNLESS a dream or freedom is involved. Because it's not really about you, then, but about this precious concept he has of life and freedom and how everyone should be able to choose and live however they want. He isn't selfless but he does fight for what he thinks is right. And what Luffy perceives as something everybody should be able to have is both dreams and the freedom to achieve them. So, basically, Luffy is empathetic and helps if he likes you (basically if you're cool or show signs of being a nice person) or if there's something keeping you from being free.

Anyway, why am I telling you all of this? Because I think that, if Luffy knew about what really happened between Shanks and Buggy from Buggy's perspective, he'd side with Buggy without any hesitation. Well. Maybe a little hesitation. Maybe a ton of hesitation because of Shanks. Let me explain-

Let's just make a hypothetical situation in which the three of them are together and Shanks and Buggy start arguing about what happened that day. Yadda yadda yadda, it doesn't really have to make sense for me to explain this. The thing is, Buggy tells his side of the story, and Luffy hears it. I think his first reaction would be about Shanks. He would have SO many questions about his decision. "Why didn't you go for the One Piece right away, Shanks?! Why did you hesitate?! Why did you let Buggy run away and not run after him?!" Because, due to his impatient and overly protective nature (and abandonment issues, cof cof) of the ones he loves, Luffy would instantly ask himself these things. Because Luffy wouldn't have done it this way. Luffy wouldn't have hesitated. He makes impulsive decisions on the spot. If he wants something, he's gonna go take it. And if his best friend leaves without explaining anything (WATER FUCKING SEVEN) he's gonna run after them (STRONG WORLD!!!!!!!) and make them come back to him because he knows something's wrong (WHOLE CAKE ISLAND MY BELOVED). So I personally think he'd be defensive at first with Shanks and Shanks would look away with the most painful of stares and avoid Luffy's hurt eyes. You know when he gets angry at him for what happened to Uta because he can't understand anything and Shanks can't tell him what happened and Luffy has to learn to be mature and accept that sometimes he just won't understand/agree with some of Shanks' decisions? Well, that's him right now. Shanks tells him there was something deeper going on (because of fucking course Oda is gonna go full drama and turn Shanks' hesitation at the time into something extremely painful). Or maybe he just says they weren't ready yet and Luffy just has to understand that patience is a virtue (something that Shanks has actually been teaching him for a long time). Yadda yadda yadda, I think Luffy wouldn't be mad at Shanks for a long time but he wouldn't really truly get it. And besides, the Buggy thing has no excuse. He should've followed him. That's it. End of the discussion. Because that's Luffy's mentality and he'd rather starve to death than let his family go.

Then, I think Luffy would have mixed feelings about Buggy's POV. Because he doesn't understand it, but he gets the important stuff. He doesn't understand why Buggy wouldn't follow his dream even if he feels inferior. He could've just told Shanks. Or maybe just?? Idk. Not feel inferior in the first place (such good fucking advice from somebody like Luffy who gives zero fucks about that sort of thing). But I think he would remember Water 7, too? And Usopp in general? And also all the times he has felt weak and powerless? And I think he doesn't quite understand Buggy's reasons for staying in Shanks' shadow, and that makes him furious and angry at Buggy for giving up so easily, but he would also be kind of sad. I think he'd get the important stuff. Like. The simpler way to put it is that Luffy sees Buggy with this new POV and just sees somebody who lost his hope for X thing and gave up on his dream. The inferiority complex took away his freedom. In fact, the devil fruit and losing the map? That actually was what took away his freedom. Metaphorically and literally. And Luffy sees this and says "Well, it's never too late! You might be a coward and a whiny loser but nothing can take your dream away from you and I'm sure you'll make it! Cheering for you but not much because I'm the one who's gonna be King of the Pirates, but yeah! Good luck! You can do it!". And Buggy takes it as an insult, but I'm pretty sure Luffy would get serious about this at some point and say "Shanks should've run after you... But you were the one who gave up first. There's nothing stopping you now, though!". And... Turns out the damn kid is right?? And Buggy is never going to say that out loud but damn.

I think he'd get along with Buggy, then. Luffy would want to help him achieve his dream all he can. Or at least encourage him and see him as a fair opponent and enemy, which is the most respectful thing he can do as a pirate. He'd be on Buggy's side in the sense that "both parties were acting silly and stupid and should've done things differently but the world has treated Buggy poorly and that is unfair and Shanks should've been the one going after him instead of doing nothing" because he sees himself in Shanks' shoes and it just seems odd to him not to go after the ones you love when this happens.

And also, to put ALL OF THIS in an easier, simpler way: If we're talking about romance exclusively here. About an actual breakup and not just these two parting ways. I think Luffy would be on Buggy's side without hesitation because you don't let go of somebody you love that easily (he's having WCI flashback. Lusan moment. Or Water 7 Lusopp moment. Just choose whatever). Imagine explaining this to Luffy like "Shanks and Buggy had a huge fight about going after the One Piece and Shanks hesitated and Buggy ran away and they broke up" what do you expect him to say?????? Of course he would get angry at Shanks. Even if Shanks had his reasons, Luffy is just fundamentally different in some stuff, even if there are parallelisms between these two. They're different, and Luffy often doesn't agree with Shanks' decisions. Like letting Buggy break up with him. Luffy didn't go through Water 7 and WCI for him to not side with Buggy, honestly.

[fandom-hoarder]

Grabbing these tags by @deanwinchesterpregnant from this post to expand.

Because yes, this is a very important part! Sam says it, too!

And while there ARE Sam haters that will say "Sam doesn't know how much Dean sacrificed!" and mean it as a JUDGEMENT and omg wooby!Dean; there are also people like me, who started writing s1 Sam POVs to understand him better, and suddenly connected him to my little brother like, 'OH. Sam doesn't KNOW. How COULD he know??😭' and it's not a judgment of his character or his love for Dean! And he's not stupid! They're both just kids who have yet to work through their own shit enough to realize they don't know EVERYTHING about each other, despite their shared history. It's part of why Sam says in In My Time of Dying that they were "just starting to be brothers again."

Obviously it's a necessary part of s1 to give us, the viewer, expositional glimpses into Sam and Dean's inner workings. But the way they each react to certain new revelations about each other are still canon even if there are Doylist reasons.

It's canon that Sam didn't know Dean carried him out of the fire. It's canon that Dean has felt responsible for Sam almost being eaten by a shtriga since he was 9/10 years old, and it's canon that Sam never even knew that happened. It's canon that the memory of Mary was so coveted by Dean and John that Sam has virtually no connection to her; no stories and no echoes of her in the way they live other than the infamous Winchester Surprise.

It's canon that Sam doesn't really have any happy holiday memories, and Dean does. It's canon that their perspective on the same shared holidays is completely different. It's canon that Dean stole Christmas decorations and presents for Sam and apparently none for himself. And it's canon that Sam realized Dean did that for him and gave him his only present. And it's canon that remembering that made grown-up Sam want to give Dean Christmas even though it meant admitting something hurtful to himself. (John not showing up for Christmas/Dean's last Christmas)

If you put yourself in Sam's shoes--- a kid left alone for most of his formative years; unable to put down roots and make friends; whose best friend, the only one who could even try to understand him, is his good little soldier brother--- it's easier to understand why Sam felt lonely and became a much more introspective person. Because he was literally stuck with just his thoughts and anxieties and the TV for days at a time. When you think about how sick he must've been about it, every time Dean and John would leave. Waiting for that next phone call. Biting his fingernails when the call was late. Wanting to be invited to prove yourself, but also because if you're THERE at least you KNOW what happens.

But then, too, if you can put yourself in Dean's place: it's not necessarily something a kid or young adult can fully appreciate--- especially a somewhat emotionally immature young adult--- that their little sibling is a completely autonomous person with their own inner life. They don't just pause when you leave their sight. Dean throws himself into the hunt, and isn't thinking about how much Sam is worrying about them. He's thinking, "Sam is safe, so I can focus on backing Dad up."

It sounds selfish, but it's simply a fact of the maturing brain that it takes some time to comprehend someone else's existence outside of you as a real thing and not just a vague concept.

So, to touch on another aspect that gets discoursed:

There ARE a lot of things about Dean's parentification that Sam doesn't know at first, but he has always known about it to SOME degree. He had his own perspective on it, and for sure I wouldn't say that Sam thought of Dean as his parent. Dean has definitely always been his older and somewhat overbearing big brother. But who do you think Sam took his problems to? Who threatens to rip his bully's lungs out in After School Special? Who remembers what fucking play Sam did in drama?

And a short related aside--- thinking about how Sam was surprised about the things of his John had in storage. His surprise that John kept an eye on him at Stanford. And relating these things that changed Sam's understanding of his father, to the way his understanding of Dean shifted with each revelation of what Dean had done for him. And despite everything Sam ALREADY knew, his adult brain and life experiences gave him new perspective on things.

This maybe is a little rambley, but oh well. What was I saying...

Oh yeah. So sometimes people get upset about Dean being given like. More praise than he deserves or something, by having those "you practically raised me" lines and things. As if it's a retcon. But it's really not.

It's Sam growing up, and his brain constantly taking in new information and reshaping his understanding. It's Sam seeing how much Dean blames himself for things that weren't his fault, and wanting Dean to see the good he's done. It's Sam being able to see Dean's heart underneath his codependent or selfish decisions, and reaching out. It's Sam trying to remind Dean he can lean on Sam, too.

I've gone off on a tangent and made myself tear up lol. I don't remember where I wanted to end up anymore. Somewhere in the ether there's another rant about how Dean has a harder time allowing himself the introspection on his perception of Sam, and how this leads to Sam having to do a lot of the leading on the emotional maturity of their relationship, and how hard this is when the person you're leading still sees you as their kid, in whatever capacity.

But ultimately, of COURSE Sam does as much for Dean. Of course Sam has agency in this and isn't Dean's baby that had a pampered childhood vs Dean's horrible one. Sam and Dean acknowledging the actual circumstances of their childhood dynamic doesn't have to be a Samgirls vs Deangirls fucking situation lol.

[odusseus-xvi]

Wanted to talk about q!Forever and his presidency seen from the pov of someone who mostly experience it from outside percepctive as I'm incapable of understanding Brazilian. SAYING IT RIGHT NOW I'm not here to say q!Forever is wrong or evil (as I'm convinced he is not, no need to come and tell me), this is not what's it's about, this is about how lost he seems when you are looking from the exterior.

So I know drama is brewing because people are fighting over who's right and who's an evil virus of satan, and I don't care, I'm not interested in this. I want to talk about the characters I love, because I love q!Forever, and his story makes me so sad.

I want to explain to those who wouldn't know, I'm a mostly french viewers, I follow Etoiles, Baghz, Antoine, Aypierre and Phil (mostly, I try to follow everyone's storyline and povs), the last two are not important here as Philza doesn't interact with the president storyline at all and Aypierre's involvement can be resumed to "I don't care who's in power and what they do, I'll be nice to them because I want power". But basically what the Forever Presidency feels like is not evil, or corrupted, it feels WEIRD :

Because obviously he is kindhearted, he has saved the eggs multiple times, he has done a lot for the island, and has said multiple times he wants to help everyone, and I believe that. But then in some of his actions and speeches, there is so much stuff that we are weirded out about. First how he told Baghera how he wanted to make everyone vote etc. That's okay, but like she said herself "Well that was my campaign idea..." And that's true, and that was also a thing Him and Cellbit used as way to descend her campaign, so that felt like a light knife in the back. But that's the least worrying thing.

There was then the whole deal where from what I understood he felt betrayed by Baghera and Bad as they didn't share everything and witheld information. And from Baghz pov that felt like it came out of nowhere because... Well she didn't ! That was simply miscommunication. And ensued the whole deal where he talked about how he felt about the arrival of the new people, and how he didn't trust them and didn't want to help them unless they had an egg. That was a weird thing in itself, he is supposed to be the president of the island and he is the one least willing to welcome new people.

There was also the nerfing armor stuff. At first we thought he said that as a joke you know, he is just not saying no to Quackity because that'd be rude. But who in their right mind would do that right ? Right... ? And then yestedray he asks Etoiles to do a debate with Quackity to discuss it and everyone went "Wait, he's actually considering it ?" And that was weird because... Well Forever spends most of his time in his base. Isolated. And when you watch Etoiles you know that even with the strongest suit of armor in the game you CAN die everyday. Is... Is Forever asking for a death sentence ? Has he been living under a rock ?

The last thing was yesterday, when Etoiles wanted to ask him a few things, he arrived when Forever was having a secret discussion with Cucurucho, and he ordered the construction of a prison he would have access to. And THAT was so WEIRD, everyone in chat and in reaction were like "WHAT !!??? WH... WHY ??", and then followed by "could I have a gun to defend myself ?" and everyone went "Oh. He... He doesn't trust us !!!", Etoiles himself went *raises eyebrow*. There is something REALLY going bad with q!Forever. And then he immediatly follows by taking in consideration Etoiles' request to allow Dark Metal for his fight against the code, so he's not evil, he's not corrupted... And that's where I realised what it felt like, it feels like he is lost.

It seems he want to do good, but takes weird unnecessary decisions after weird unnecessary decisions that in most cases fucks over other islanders more than it helps, and the important thing to remember is that he is not doing that purposefully, again it seems he is lost, it feels like he doesn't know what he is doing, because of that people are more wary of him, and it leads him to become more paranoïd and he makes even more bad decisions, wich leads to more people being wary of him and it creates a vicious feedback loop that constantly raises the tension. (also having the big PRESIDENT sign next to his name creates an epidermic reaction in every french that makes us want a revolution /j) And it's so sad because the only exit I can see is for the tension to be released in an explosion, a revolution, and THAT could be interesting because for once neither side is truly evil per say. They can be misguided, but not outright evil. Like Baghera said herself "I... I don't understand where he is going."

What's terrifying is what we foresaw with the election is happening, the islanders are driving themselves apart and turning against each other. I don't think the Federation wants to avoid a revolution, I'm pretty sure they would be rooting for it.

(HOWEVER next time I see someone saying q!Forever is this perfect little guy that did nothing wrong... PLEASE. The guy was vicious during the election arc. With how much misinformation he spread on Etoiles most notably.)

[chiharuhashibira]

Next chappy's up!

And yes, I won't make you cry 😫 I'll try thoooo~

Let's start this now! First part will be written in Sanemi's POV. Then after the --, I will go back to Y/N.

I present you the Part of of 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮 ☺️!

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒀𝒐𝒖

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙸𝚅

𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢 𝐗 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐀𝐔)

<𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫>

Content Warnings: Curse words, Slightly Suggestive, Angst/Drama

(Image is not mine)

"Nii-chan, are you alright?"

"Huh? I'm good. What's up with you, though?"

Sanemi hasn't been focusing well lately, even in his classes. He's less harsh than he usually is, and even his closest friend, Obanai, notices this. But of course, knowing the chemistry teacher, he won't really pry that much.

Genya shifted in his seat, looking at his big brother with worried eyes. Usually, Sanemi would say things like...

"Why do you fucking care?!"

or

"Mind your own damn business, you goddamn brat!"

It's not like Genya likes being yelled at by his own brother, but Sanemi's been acting weird.

"I'm good Nii-chan. I hope you are too. Just remember that you're the sweetest brother in the world. And the greatest teacher too."

Sanemi blushed at what his little brother told him. He scoffed and rolled his eyes, gripping harder on the steering wheel. But honestly, inside, his heart was suddenly filled with warmth.

--

You were a wreck. The day after that incident with Sanemi, you couldn't find the guts to face him at school. You can't even talk to Kanae well after the jealousy that you just felt from her presence. The science teacher doesn't deserve it, as she was really nice towards you, but you just can't help it.

You're a history teacher, but damn, you don't know how to write your story well enough that it'll be good history in the future.

Sanemi had avoided you as well, and that made you feel worse. Whenever you're in the faculty room, he will walk out, even if he's in the middle of a conversation. Of course, you know that what he tells his other colleagues is just full of excuses.

You silently watched him, noticing how he became less aggressive with his students. But of course, sometimes you'll see him talking to Kanae, and you'll end up sulking once again on a corner with Tomioka, who has no idea why you're there with him at all.

(this is the usual view you'll see)

But as if the fates were testing your patience, today you found yourself alone with him inside the faculty room.

The teachers decided to go out tonight, but of course, because you were sulking badly, you declined. Even if Tomioka wanted to decline too, Shinobu forced him to do so. So now you're alone at your desk, finishing checking the test papers on the table.

You heard the door slide but didn't look up, as perhaps it was just one of your students.

"If you're looking for other teachers, they're not around. Just come back tomorrow."

"Need a hand?"

You looked up, and standing behind you was Sanemi. With his sleeves rolled up and his arms crossed, you can't help but feel hot on the face. But yes, you longed to hear his voice. You fucking missed the scent of his minty perfume.

You missed Sanemi so much, and him talking to you right now fucking hurts so much.

But of course, you're at school, and this is work. You need to separate your personal life from your career, which you also messed up on doing the last few days.

You gave Sanemi a soft smile, trying your best not to pull him down and just hug him. "Oh, sure, Shinazugawa-san. My students are giving me a hard time!" Your voice sounded as professional as you had imagined, and it had made Sanemi scoff.

He pulled Giyu's chair over and sat next to you, snatching some of the test papers from your table. "Where's the answer sheet?" He asked, and you handed it to him.

Sanemi's fingers brushed against yours, and that immediately almost made you pass out. You were paralysed by the sensation that the little motion sent through your body. You watched as the man checked the papers silently, wishing he'd bring up something from that time, but nothing came.

"For a delinquent kid, Hashibira-kun did well." He muttered under his breath, praising your student which made you smile. "Yep, he's good at history. And Kamado-kun's a great tutor." You replied, smiling as you easily checked Tanjiro's papers. The kid had aced the test once again.

"Eh, I hope he does well in math, though. That kid gets fucked up with numbers!"

"Oi, mind your language." You said, chuckling, which also definitely made Sanemi smile.

You remembered the night when he confessed to you, as he said almost the same words when you cursed at him.

"Why are you still here, though? I thought the teachers would eat dinner together or something. Where's your best friend? Tomioka?" Sanemi asked as he continuously checked your students' papers. You gulped and paused for a bit.

"Oh, Kocho-sama took Tomioka-san. And as for me, I'm busy. I can't go." You lied through your teeth, wishing Sanemi would never notice. "How about you? I thought you went with them?" Kanae's there... You wanted to add but stopped yourself from doing so.

"Oh well, I'm not in the mood for those gatherings. Okay, I'm done here. Do you have more tests to check?"

"Oh, none. I think I can go home. Finally!"

You said, stretching out on your chair. You didn't notice, but a button on your blouse popped out, hitting Sanemi on the cheek. You gasped, immediately caressing his cheek to check if you had accidentally wounded him again. But thank goodness, there are none.

Sanemi undoubtedly blushed slightly as you caressed his face and let your fingers run up his scars. When you realised it, you pulled your hand away, apologising for what you just did.

You were expecting that Sanemi would pull your hand or anything, but that didn't happen. Disappointment filled you, but this is the reality. You turned him down, and that's the end of it.

A warm fabric suddenly blanketed you, making you look up. There, you saw that Sanemi took off his outer vest and placed it over your shoulders. "I don't wear any jackets, but perhaps this vest could cover you up." He said it sweetly, and that definitely tugged at your heartstrings.

"Thank you, Shinazugawa-san."

"You're welcome."

Silence. A deafening silence came right after you wore his vest, covering up your bra that was exposed earlier. His minty scent embraced you like a lover longing for his significant other, and there, you wished it was him instead of just his vest.

The math teacher didn't try to start up a conversation; instead, he played with Tomioka's pen that was left at his table.

You suddenly wondered why he was mad at your friend in the first place. So you asked.

"Why do you hate Tomioka-san so much?"

Your question caught Sanemi off guard, and he was undoubtedly staring at you with wide eyes as a result.

"Uh, sorry to pry—"

"I don't hate the man. But I consider him my rival. He's smart; I'll give him that. But I fucking hate his I am different from you vibes and shit. And the Kochos seemed to still like him despite that. You know that Kanae's my ex. I even became jealous of him before."

Kanae again... You looked away and sighed. "I see."

"But now it's different. It's more like he doesn't vibe with me as much as Obanai does. And he looks like a fucktard."

"Hey! Tomioka's handsome!"

You said it in defence of your best friend, which made Sanemi laugh. He shook his head and continued. "But yeah, that's it. I don't really care if he lives with the Kochos or anything. I have more priorities than thinking about them."

His words moved you. So, does this also mean that he isn't thinking about Kanae anymore? You wanted to ask once again, but you have no right to do so.

"And you're one of those priorities, Y/N."

Your world stopped as Sanemi's voice echoed in your senses. You shot him a shocked look, but he was already looking at you with sadness in his eyes. This sight was too different from his normal attitude, and it makes you feel bad. You want to comfort him.

"I can't forget about you, Y/N. I fucking tried."

"Sanemi stop."

You tried stopping him, but the man held your hand once again and gripped it tightly this time, assuring you that you wouldn't leave him again.

"Please let me start over, Y/N. Please let me prove myself to you. Please give me this last chance. And I swear that if this doesn't work this time, I'll stop for good. I'll fucking leave you alone even if that shit hurts."

This time, tears finally rolled down your cheeks as, for the second time, you saw the usual strong and cold Sanemi beg for you to give him another chance.

You hate how he looks right now. You hate seeing him sad. And with that, you let your impulse take over your body as you gave him a warm embrace and whispered in his ear.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"One last chance, Sanemi. Let's try this again."

𝑻𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆𝒅…

𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆

But why the heck am I sobbing XD

Okay... fuck, I love angst :'( And still I hope this made you happy ^^

I hope Sanemi's not too OOC but this is how I imagined him to be if he ever falls in love again and get hurt. Like he would have this part revealed. And yes, the first part's my fave as I was sobbing over Genya because of some spoilers that I have seen today.

You are my babies and I want you happy so I swear, next chappy will be happier. Sanemi and Y/N is making up here so, perhaps on the next chappy they'll be okay? Or is it? MWHAHAHAHA

But anyways, thank you for reading this fic. I love you and always remember that!

@sofilsworld just tagging you here as you were also in the last chappy ^^ Thank you!!

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

<𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫>

[chalkrevelations]

Is there wrangling about who's the framing/POV character of Ep 8 of Only Friends? Really? Because clearly, it's Boston. Yes, he's got the outro, but that only emphasizes what's evident throughout the entire ep - this is Boston's episode, because this is how he sees himself.

This episode is Boston's experience of life - surrounded by drama because everyone around him is acting completely irrationally over all of their disingenuous relationship bullshit (when he warned half of them in the first place - Sand, in fact, is experiencing precisely what Boston warned him would happen), punctuated by multiple times Cheum decides to be a heinous asshole to him while he's just trying to have a beer and enjoy his homo vibe.

This is an episode in which we're given a picture of him as fully human, as complex and layered, rather than as a "heartless slut" who doesn't care about anything but himself and fucking, and whose emotional depth doesn't extend further than smug superiority and bitchy - if not downright malevolent - sneers. I mean, all you really have to do is look at Neo's face throughout this episode, compared to the other eps. This is a Boston who's soft enough to look like a marshmallow compared to how we've seen him in previous eps - how we see him through other eyes.

He sits around day-drinking over selfies of himself and Nick. He has a completely mundane beer with Atom and shoots the shit about SOs. He looks halfway excited to get an invitation to a party that will let him interact with his estranged friends. There's his entire face journey when Nick approaches him at the party, including the deliberate attempt to snub the person who betrayed him and to look casual doing it, but with none of the sneering savagery we see him level at Ray in the aftermath of their fistfight in an earlier ep. Why do you care so much, if you don't care, Boston? We get that weird almost companionable moment when Boston zips his lip and sits there together with Top, and his reaction to Mew gearing up for his trashtalk of the sluts. And tbqh, from the look on Boston's face at the end of the ep, I don't know that he actually intends (at that point) to fuck Atom so much as scare him off by taking him home. This is a look at Boston that all his hard, glossy armor doesn't allow anyone else to see - an interior look.

We don't actually see Boston for a lot of the ep because that's also his experience of life - just like his closet darkroom closet is filled with photos of men he slept with but that never feature Boston, himself. Boston is the subject behind the camera, not the object of the gaze - in his sex life, in his life, in this ep. I don't know enough about Boston yet to know for sure whether and how much he wants to be seen, but I do know that he knows he's not supposed to be seen. To be perceived is to invite disaster.

I'm beginning to wonder, though - thanks to the look at him that this ep affords - how much he might want to be seen, and how much those selfies with Nick are a key to this. Unlike the voyeuristic recordings by both Gap and Nick, which flip the script so that Boston is (unwittingly and nonconsensually) made the object of attention, the selfies with Nick allow Boston to become both - not just the subject behind the camera, and also not just the object of attention, given that in one of those photos (I think the one on Nick's camera?) the arm positioning looks like Boston took the photo. These selfies allow him to test out an existence in which he's someone who's integrated both aspects, participating in his own life rather than holding himself apart and aloof, but also able to have the distance to observe it as well. We see that Boston places some kind of value on those selfies that he's kept on his phone, and this ep's look into him might indicate that he also places some kind of value on the experience they represent.

[meta-squash]

@callivich came up with this idea of doing DVD commentary for fic on @shamelessdvdcommentary, which I think is brilliant because I love reading the thoughts and creative process of other fic writers, so I want to try!

The Needle And The Burning Body Summary: They're supposed to be running away together. Ian hates whatever fucking nurture-over-nature compass Fiona somehow instilled in him that means the one thing he's running back to is never the thing he wants to want. That Mickey's love makes him want to run away as fast as he can because this thing, this solid thing is so much. And he's already so much on his own. Mickey had two burning torches for hands but he knew what to do with them. Ian's head was on fire and all he knew was how to run and keep running. How to find a cliff and jump off. How to make Mickey chase after him, again and again. And in a cold cell in prison, Mickey catches him.

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc) I wrote it in winter of 2018. I switched laptops around that time so I don't have the metadata for exactly when I made the doc/how long it took, but I remember bashing it out fairly quickly. I tend to get a flash of inspiration and then bang out fics in a couple of sittings. This one is a one-shot, 10,623 words.

What was the initial inspiration for your story? I wanted to explore Ian's POV, why he went all the way down to Mexico with Mickey and what made him turn around and go back. I had this idea that the way Ian grew up, so dependent on his family, put a compass inside him that always pointed back to them, even when he'd rather it point somewhere else. And that metaphor just took on a life of its own.

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character? Ian is so WEIRD and hard to pin down and I wanted to try. Part of it is the Shameless writers' bad writing, but I think Ian also goes through such drastic and traumatic experiences that he has no control over, and it really messes with the way he acts. A lot of what happens to him has less to do with his choices or actions and more to do with either his mental illness or just circumstances. Plus he's actually the quietest of all the Gallaghers, which is kind of crazy. I wanted to try and explore why Ian is so often contradictory or weird. I also really wanted to explore his confusion and insecurities that he doesn't voice.

What was your favourite scene to write? The moment where Ian is sitting in the prison cell waiting for Mickey to get back and thinking about their past. I came up with imagery of Ian jumping off of a series of cliffs with Mickey chasing him to try and catch him at the bottom completely in the moment of writing, and it's one of my favorite things.

How did you come up with the title? I'm terrible with titles, I usually end up using song lyrics or a bizarre jumble of words, but this one is so straightforward. Ian gets the needle metaphor in this fic, and Mickey's metaphor is being a constant burning. So it fit.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice? I have a line in there, "Ian was better at finding whole things that weren't his and clinging to them. Mickey could make wholes from the smallest of pieces." I think it's a way of looking at their relationship that really explains well why it was the way it was pre-season 9.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this? The smut. I don't tend to write smut because I either find it unsexy when it's not done well or when things logically would be uncomfortable/physically impossible/unhealthy in a not-even-sexy-in-the-moment way. If I write smut I like it to be poetic and for it to mean something in terms of moving plot along. I tried to make it both sexy and poetic, and tried my best to infuse every action with emotion and also intent. A bit like the advice my drama teacher gave us in high school: a character should not move from point a to point b for no reason. If you want to go to a different spot, you have to have some sort of reason or motive or intent. In this case, it's more about sex than walking, but it fits. I think I did pretty good in this one, but I think the smut I wrote in my other fic Proof Of What You Want was better.

Favourite line in the story? Well, it's more of a paragraph: It had all felt so far away when he'd asked, foggy and dull, ready to push. You gonna want to be with me even if I don't? Everything far away. Watching everyone for betrayal the way Monica taught him. So Mickey's sigh had no written all over it, and that no meant reading all the other signs wrong. But when you think you've lost everything except an identity you never wanted to have in the first place, you're bound to misread things. Really, the sigh was the same Mickey always seemed to breathe into his mouth. The same way he'd mutter jesus fucking christ like he was so annoyed even though he wasn't, and then he'd hold on and jump after him.

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story? A lot of times I start a story in the middle and work outward, or start with whatever scenes popped into my brain first and work to connect them. I think this was one fic I actually wrote linearly from start to finish. I always intended the first half to be the ride to Mexico and the second half to be Ian and Mickey in prison together. But the metaphors and imagery I used really solidified as I was writing it. I had Ian's compass needle from the start, but Mickey as a pair of burning hands didn't come until later, and a lot of the other imagery just developed as I was writing. I didn't know I was going to have the two of them sit down and have an actual Talk about their relationship, and I'm glad I had Mickey basically saying like, 'I love you and I still want to be with you, but things are still fucked up and we gotta work on them.'

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this? This was my first time writing solely Ian's POV (as opposed to an omniscient POV or Mickey's), but it's not a specific trope or genre.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc) The metaphors! I'm sooooo happy they worked the way I wanted them to and came together so well and I'm soooooo proud of the last paragraph of the fic, which literally gave me chills as I wrote it.

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story? No, but I tend to do the opposite. I post the fic and then reread it once it's already posted and add to it. So I'm fairly certain there are at least a few sentences if not a whole paragraph in the fic on AO3 that doesn't exist in my original doc.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line? The one I quoted above as my favorite line came about because I always felt like Mickey's reaction to Ian's questions in the breakup scene aren't a rejection at all or even disappointment or whatever. It felt to me like that sigh and Mickey's body language were more in line with his actions in 5x09 with the b vitamins and stuff. Like he realizes that he'd rather have Ian in whatever way and he'll be there for him, whether he's on his meds or not. It's not a sigh of "no I don't want to be with you", it's a sigh of "I'd rather it was some other way, but I'm not going anywhere." And I wanted to have Ian realizing that, and realizing that he'd interpreted Mickey's actions in the context of his siblings' actions, but Mickey's motivations and feelings are totally different from the Gallagher siblings. He doesn't have the context of growing up with Monica and he's willing to stick beside Ian, manic or not.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add? I don't think so. I actually frequently read back stories in the months after posting them and add bits and bobs. There's a oneshot fic I have in a different fandom that I wrote in 2015 and have been adding to ever since as inspiration strikes. So I tend to just add things if I decide something should be added. This fic in particular came out pretty much complete, though.

Would you ever write a sequel to this story? I don't think so. Especially considering where canon went with the storyline of them in prison and their relationship in general.

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc? Not in this one. Mostly because it's the only fic I've written solely in Ian's POV. And all the easter eggs I use for Shameless fics are for Mickey's POV, so I couldn't easily slot them in here.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity? This was my most popular story for a long time, and I'm not at all surprised. It's the one I'm probably the most proud of in terms of all the imagery and also the denouement.

Were you nervous or excited to post this story? Oh, excited, definitely. All the other Shameless fics I'd written before this one were shorter and more straightforward, less poetic. This was the one that felt the most artistic and that I felt really inspired the whole time I was writing it.

(This was really fun, I might do this with my other Shameless fics! Thank you so much for the idea @callivich!)

[presidenthades]

I think you've mentioned before is we really don't know how Rhaenrya would act if Daemon and her actually had a son/ Alyssa was an Aegon by either keeping Jace as heir/disinheriting her unless we get her pov. But daemon seemed to think his son would become heir, only with Jace as his wife despite the age difference if I'm remembering correctly from the handbook, or at least a situation similar to that. In this situation at least I'm pretty sure Rhaenrya would probably run into problems with her own succession if she did disinherit Jace because even if she did say "im heir because my father chose me" and that's not even mentioning how the Velaryons might react or Jace who probably doesn't want to marry her brother whose twelve years younger than her. So I would imagine the green and the blacks tension start floating again, Jace is probably still dutiful and no eloping occurs in this timeline so she's stuck in a an engagement she doesn't want and her inheritance taken from her. So do you think in this scenario Aegon says fuck it I'm becoming king so I can take Jace as my queen and give her rightful position not tied to her younger half brother, and actually makes strides to becoming a half decent ruler. Because to him he's seems Jace tear herself apart since she was seven to become the perfect heiress and suddenly his sister has a son with and uncle he hates and the power and position is rightfully Jace's is torn away and she would become merely a consort, probably an influential one like Alysanne but still a consort at the end of the day. While becoming king means Jace would probably still end up in that postion, it's okay to him because he loves her and he believes he could give her the power she rightfully deserves and she would be married to him at the end of the day. Though I suppose all of this probably means that the golds faction probably ends up forming at the end of the day again because Aegon is unwilling to be his grandfather's puppet and otto after seeing Jcae being disinherited in favor of her brother probably went back to plan B and wants to marry Aegon and Helaena again. Meanwhile Jace is probably torn in between doing her duty and at the end of the day, the resentment she might feel stirring at being passed over. ( and whose to say that viserra being born or visenya even won't become a better option as a bride for and Aegon the younger and she would end up with nothing in the end because she's not even the heir to driftmark.)

At least that's how I imagine a scenario like that might play out because as you've mentioned and showed that at the end of the day what Aegon ultimately wants is Jace and what is best for Jace. And if that means he has to usurp his older sister if that is the only way for him to have Jace then so be it.

You captured Daemon’s thought process in the Handbook pretty accurately. You’re right that Rhaenyra might not be completely aligned with him. In The Golds, Rhaenyra admits she would’ve made a son with Laenor her heir over Jace, but a son with Daemon wouldn’t come with as much Velaryon support. She would be conflicted.

But the kids start plotting the elopement before Alyssa/Aegon III is born. Jace gets fed up with Rhaenyra as early as the Daemyra elopement, because she feels like she has to do her duty while Rhaenyra does what she wants. If Rhaenyra can marry the man she wants, why can’t Jace do the same?

So the timeline is something like Lil Aegon is born, Jace elopes with Aegon soon after, then they all go before Viserys to sort it out. That might be where things change. At this point, Daemon has only known Jace for about 9 months, and she’s been away at Driftmark for 6 of those months. He likes Jace, but he’s not as attached to her as he is later in the Handbook. If he has a son with Rhaenyra, he might push for her to name Lil Aegon her new heir rather than keep Jace, who is now married to a grandson of Otto Hightower.

So there could be some drama where Jace is disinherited ostensibly for marrying Aegon. If she’s disinherited, then she probably stays with him and the Greens in KL rather than go home and wait for three years. Jace definitely has a lot of bitter feelings toward her mother and Daemon about this, and the Greens have renewed incentive to plot to put Aegon on the throne. And Aegon might go along with it if it’s the only way Jace gets to be queen. 🧐

[arshipweek]

AR Ship Week - Fanwork Recs in 2024

This is the second weekly post in the lead up to Alex Rider Ship Week.  3 weeks to go!

This week we’ve got a selection of shippy fanwork recs submitted by members of the fandom.

**Please note that I haven’t listed all the details for the fics so take care to read the tags on AO3 before diving in!

YASSEN/ALEX

Devotion by countessrivers Tender, like a fresh wound, the kind you can't help but press a finger on to relish in the pain.

Adjournment by icebluecyanide I could have read three tournaments just to get more Yalex interactions!

To The Sea by Suzie_Shooter To the sea is a bitter sweet roadmovie except it’s a beautifully written fanfic. It has drama and angst and love. It’s beautiful.

Devil in Disguise by Polarnacht Yassen catches Alex spying and has his way with a chained-up Alex, who doesn't mind very much at all. Very hot yalex smut with some great d/s vibes and also tentacles.

Excellently written tentacle porn. What more could you want?

Spare the Rod by countessrivers Some great kinky Yalex in an AU where Yassen poses as a teacher at Point Blanc. Really enjoyed it!

A different kind of sacrifice by limnal A very unique Celtic AU where Yassen is a druid and he and Alex have to consummate their arranged marriage. Very cool setting and some very hot smut.

A Winter Offering by LastlyMatt Absolutely love the vibes of this fantasy AU, where Alex is left behind in the forest as an offering to the spirit of the forest (Yassen). Some wonderful descriptions here and some lovely angst.

A fantasy AU where Alex has been chosen as a human sacrifice for Yassen, a woodland spirit. Hot and sweet with some beautiful imagery.

Contain An Inferno by Rirren A deliciously dark AU where Martin Wilby keeps Alex prisoner after Ian dies. The Yassen pov is great here, both so cold and detached and yet so captivated by Alex and yearning for something real. Really loved this one!

Yassen finds Alex, chained up and abused in Martin Wilby's bed. Yassen is a bad man, and I love every moment of it.

Sweet Amnesia by Myulalie Some great Yalex dubcon. Love Alex's determination to save his uncle despite the cost and the vivid descriptions of the surroundings. Loved it!

Exit Strategy by BoldAsBrass A really fun story where Yassen and Alex meet again on a mission and are both unimpressed by Yassen's latest employer. Yassen's pov gives the story a hilarious dry tone and I love the developing relationship dynamic between him and Alex. Really enjoyed this one!

Calming the Storm by TheOtherBlue Yassen takes care of keyed up Alex in a way only Yassen can. Hot & intense and yet there is so much undercurrent love and gentleness, perfect mix.

Falling Slowly by RavenJames "Classic" Yassen buys Alex in an auction fic with a great twist at the end and lofts of messy, conflicted feelings and a loaded past

The Catventures of Alex Rider by LastlyMatt Alex gets turned into a little kitten and Yassen adopts him, having no idea the real identity of his new pet. Fluffy and sweet, read this one a bunch of times for cozy cuteness.

Who By Brave Assent by TheOtherBlue Dub con fucking for a mission, Yassen enjoying the strange kind of intimacy it affords him, Alex losing virginity and niavety, but not having too bad a time.

Petty Crime by EnviousWriter Not many fics explore how much Yassen was messed up by Alex. This one is basically my headcanon of Yassen being unable to continue on with his normal life after Eagle Strike. The plot is fun and the interactions between Yassen and Alex are a joy.

glass and paper by greenkite (shirohyasha) Devilverse AU, Alex trying to take some measure of control over his future by getting Yassen to take his virginity, from Yassen's perspective and his insistence on studying Alex's reactions purely as an asset and being emotionally/physically unaffected not being convincing at all.

High Wire by fredbasset 24 year old Alex Rider being more of a menace than ever, even getting a chance to try his hand at a victorious villain monologue. Sharp, witty, really compelling look at Alex and Yassen ten years on, post-scorpia, still on opposite sides, but still loyal to each other, even when work tries to intervene.

The Stowaway by TheOtherBlue An excellent canon divergence where Alex becomes stuck with Yassen on the Fer de Lance after boarding it in the Eagle Strike book. It starts out reading like canon, then gradually morphs into something much darker (and very hot). I love how sinister but in-character Yassen is here.

This feels VERY in character and believable to me. Yalex and Coster and how it's intertwined and all that

Alone together by Ireliss This work about how past sexual trauma affects Yassen and Alex’s life together is beautiful, moving, quietly sad and hopeful. It’s incredibly well-written.

Falling for you in time and space by kelkblr This is such a sweet romantic series. I love the concern Yassen has for Alex, and I love the way they become each other's family through their isolation. The setting is so well researched and feels so real too.

Coma White by hjbender Yassen captures Alex in Japan. Dark, dreamlike and compelling.

Specific Performance by BurntWhisper Yassen has been instructed to kill Alex but has to decide whether to see it through or not. They both choose to make the most of their potentially-limited time together. Extremely hot with a rough, dominant Yassen. The characterisation of both Alex and Yassen is on point.

The Right Touch by Strange_Soulmates A Star Wars AU where ISB Lieutenant Yassen is trying to track down the rebel agent Alex, resulting in some very, very hot dream dubcon. Really great adaptation of canon character dynamics.

We Keep Meeting Each Other Like This by TheOtherBlue Very hot, very well written, and I love the escalation that comes with each meeting.

Salt, Smoke and Water by Too_Many_Rooks Gender flipped Yalex. So well written, very hot, and with that excellent dubcon/Yassen is kind of a bastard element.

A Friend Indeed by Too_Many_Rooks The meetings between Yassen and Alex with the time jumps between them give a great impression of time passing and Alex getting older, and changing, Yassen borderline pining, but it's still a very neat and coherent story that grows into its ending. There's sex and angst and regret and murder and Alex being a little shit. It's perfect.

A Timely Rescue by TheOtherBlue Just really hot and such a compelling meeting between Alex and Yassen. Time travel and dubcon is a great mix of tropes as well.

Her Finger On The World by countessrivers Who doesn't love Julia being a creep? Also Yassen is so precious here,,,,

Netflix And Kill by Suzie_Shooter This was literally the first Yalex fic I ever read.

Sweet Amnesia by Myulalie TV Yalex with a different first meeting. Even with Alex not knowing Yassen's identity the danger and connection between them is tangible, and the sex is dark and hot.

I Can See You by countessrivers Stalking fic that is honestly really sweet. I love Yassen's weird way of showing affection.

OTHER PAIRINGS

Hold Me Down by countessrivers Julia/Yassen/Alex vampire feed-fuck threeway. Need I say more? I will. Manipulative, seductive, mind-controling Julia, puppetting Alex and Yassen like they're toys for her pleasure, using Alex for his blood, his body, his potential, his connection to his father, and taking whatever she pleases. One of my all time favourites. Julia/Yassen/Alex

Притворство и подражание - Pretense and emulation by peeltheavocado A young Yassen and John Rider go on an assignment in a hospital. Yassen makes a snap decision to prevent their cover being blown. This is first-person Yassen POV and it’s done very well. John/Yassen

hold me tight and fear me not by thealphaaxolotl. I am an Alexmis fan first and foremost and this fic is incredible. I've read it dozens of times and it only gets better. Alex Rider/Artemis Fowl II

Explorations in Parenthood by Too_Many_Rooks Technically a series, but a very sweet and fun Ian/Yassen au. Baby Alex is simultaneously adorable and a menace. Ian/Yassen

A Series of Unexpected Events by kelkblr Really well written exploration of not just an on/off Ian/Yassen relationship, but of how Ian joins the Department and him raising Alex. Filling in the gaps implied by the shows first episode, evening bringing in one of the short stories. I regularly reread this one. Ian/Yassen

If Wishes Were Horses by fredbasset Aaaaand this was the first AR fic I ever read!

Only Once in Paris by Zombieheroine Points for characterization and originality. Also this is so me coded.

[male-reader-haven]

~That Horrible, Wonderful Feeling~

Author note:

Here is chapter 1 of the project I've been working so long on!! I'm super passionate about this storyline, so I'm hoping you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. As of right now, I have about 4 chapters completed, and depending on how well this is received I plan on posting them as well. Enjoy your Namjoon crumbs, there is SO much more to come!

Chapter 1: Ideal Woman

Namjoon's POV as he deals with prying reporters, stalkers, and some unwarranted feelings that send him spiraling. How can he claim to know and protect his fellow members if he doesn't even know himself? Y/N, one of 8 members of the worldwide popular K-pop boyband BTS, slowly helps Namjoon along in his journey of self-discovery and acceptance, dealing with his own feelings along the way.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x male idol Y/N

TW: Stalking, internalized homophobia, heavier topics, invasion of privacy, slight NSFW, 18+

Word count: 2801

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Now, RM, the fans are dying to know. What are your ideal traits in a girl?” The interviewer smiled and held out the microphone towards Namjoon expectantly. The camera pans over to his face and he forces a smile and glances down.

What a stupid fucking question. 

He is so tired of being asked the same questions. Although he knew it was bound to happen due to BTS being worldwide famous idols, still, indulging reporters and tabloids who are constantly hungry for new content and scandals to feed their prying gossipers is so exhausting.

“Ah, well, you know, we all are focusing on our career and don’t have time for anything like that.” He avoids the question, hoping the reporter will drop it. She doesn’t catch on. She has a smile that is too wide and obviously faked. Honestly, Namjoon is pretty sure this american interviewer doesn’t even really know BTS too well or even listen to their music.

“Come on, everyone has a type. ARMY wants to know what kind of woman is RM’s type?” 

As if you can speak for ARMY.

“Why do you care?” Namjoon snaps. He surprises himself with his response and immediately follows it up. “I-I mean, it doesn’t really matter. As long as they love and accept me, I guess.” He saves it the best he can. The interviewer stares him down.

“Awe, how sweet. Well before you go Namjoon, we just gotta know! There have been rumors going around that you secretly have a girlfriend! Is it true? Should we be expecting an announcement soon?” As she speaks, pictures flash across the screen of Namjoon caught in the street taking pictures with a fan. Namjoon feels frustration bubble up, not only at the accusation but at the lack of privacy and how the tabloids must have been following him around taking pictures.

“Wow. Really? Shameless.” He loses his patience. “I don’t appreciate being followed and stalked everywhere I go, you know. She is a fan and we took a picture. Sorry I couldn't satisfy your gossip.” He can’t stop himself. “Do you guys really get paid for this? Pushing this  scummy, heteronormative agenda on celebrities hoping for a sliver of drama just so you can get a few clicks in by exaggerating and lying? We are people too, just like you. Normal people. So no, you don't get to make assumptions about me or pry into my life.”

“Heteronormative? Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” The woman interjects. Namjoon is fuming.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Namjoon gets up and storms away from the lit up booth and over to his staff, who briskly apologize to the interviewer and team and take him back to the studio.

Namjoon knows he went too far. Luckily his agent made sure that the interview would be scrapped and not published, but that is now an entire news group that BigHit won’t ever get an interview with again. Honestly they didn’t need the extra publicity, since at this point any company would be more than ecstatic to host an interview from BTS, but this was supposed to be a series of solo interviews from each of the artists, which would have no doubt been popular. Still, he didn't feel bad. Too many times have people asked BTS questions about their private lives and tried exposing them with false accusations and start scandals, none of which ever stick due to ARMY being so protective of them, but it took a toll on their mental health sometimes. Namjoon sinks into the back seat of the car as he looks out the window, listening to the patter of rain on the roof and watching the street lights reflect off the dripping window. 

My ideal woman, huh?

He reflects. Everywhere he goes where people ask him these questions, they always say “ideal girl” or “woman,” always assuming he is straight. I mean, he IS straight, but it bothers him nonetheless. It’s not like anyone bothers to ask, they always just assume. He knows that people just want to hear him talk about specific traits and types to fulfill people’s fantasies. It seems people also assume that all ARMYs are straight fangirls. It’s 2023, how are people still pushing heteronormative standards? He takes out his phone to see new messages in the BTS group chat.

WWH: How’d the interview go?

Namjoon sighed and typed out his response.

Me: Horribly. Pretty sure I ruined it for   all of us, sorry guys. JK: How so?  Me: I lost it and kind of snapped V: Dang, sounds like they deserved it then.  No worries man, probably for the best Me: Stupid private questions. I got  too pissed though, it is my fault, but still Y/N: Ew, don’t they have anything better to do? Jimin: Fr. Don’t feel bad, I would have  been short tempered too J-hope: Does this mean we have a free  weeknd? WWH: Nice spelling J-hope: thx dad JK: Hell yeah, let's do a movie night! (read by SUGA, WWH, J-hope, and 4 others)

Namjoon puts his phone away and looks out the window again. 

“Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” 

The woman’s words echo in his head longer than he would have liked. Namjoon has always liked women, that he is certain of. Ever since he was little he had crushes on disney princesses and actresses all the time. He had his fair share in heartbreaks and girlfriends in school too. Ever since becoming an idol, however, everything relating to romance seems to have left his life and been put in the back of his mind. He knows it's because they are idols that they aren't allowed to publicly date. That isn’t to say however that he didn't fantasize about having a partner or being in a romantic relationship. Despite BTS being his family and never truly being alone, he couldn’t help feeling lonely in some ways. These days, Namjoon finds himself stuck in his room working even in his free time. Maybe this weekend becoming suddenly free would be a blessing after all.

Namjoon walks into what he and BTS know as the “safehouse,” which is a large home away from the city where all 8 members have access at all times and their own separate rooms. They usually go to the safehouse when they want to meet up, have events and parties or just whenever they want to get out to somewhere private from their own separate homes. The other members are already gathered around in the dining room as he comes through the door.

“Hey, there he is! Welcome to the finest restaurant in all of Korea.” Hoseok yells over from the table where they are all feasting on what looks like bbq.

“Join us, I slaved away at making this for all of you, congratulate me.” Jin’s bubbly voice calls.

“As if. All you did was order the food hyung, don’t act like you prepared it!” Jimin teases Jin and reaches over to put some beef over the bbq and then dips it in some sauce.

“Ah, perfect. I’m starving.” Namjoon puts away his things and sits down in the empty chair next to Y/N. They all get into food and conversation, laughing and smiling and having a great time.

“I’m curious, what did she ask you that sent you over the edge?” Jungkook quired, sitting back as Taehyung brought over some beers.

“The interviewer started asking about my ideal type of woman, a question which I can usually dodge, but she was persistent. Then they pulled up pictures of me back when I was visiting Switzerland where I met a fan and they tried to frame it like a secret girlfriend situation.”

“They followed you to Switzerland?” Y/N looked up, a disgusted look on his face.

“Guess so. Anyways after that she-” Namjoon cuts himself off.

 “Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” Her words came bubbling up again, making him feel nauseous.

“She what?” Taehyung presses. Namjoon shakes his head.

“Nothing. I just got pissed, snapped at her and left after that.” He avoids eye contact with any of them, hoping someone will change the subject.

“I think you were in the right. I would have been so snarky.” Yoongi speaks up from the corner seat. 

“Yeah, don’t think about it too much man. There will always be more interviews, with better and more respectful people.” Jungkook says, trying to make him feel better.

The conversation shifts from there and as the night goes on, the boys get more and more inebriated. Jin is practically howling from laughter at Hoseok, who is falling over in his chair with his face bright red. Jimin is half asleep, Jungkook is not far behind him, and Taehyung is talking about some nonsense with Yoongi. Y/N and Namjoon seem to be the better off in the bunch, simply making stupid jokes and laughing at the other members. Namjoon speaks up.

“I’m drunk, gonna turn in for the night. As should all of you.”

“I think Jimin is already there.” Jin laughs and points at Jimin, who is face flat on the table.

“I’ll take him to his room.” Jungkook sighs and lifts Jimin up and carries him away. The other members eventually all go to their respective rooms also. Namjoon makes his way to his room. 

Namjoon closes his door and goes to get ready for bed. His tipsiness makes him stumble sometimes, but he manages to get changed and brush his teeth. After getting ready, he practically falls into his bed and crawls underneath the light brown and white covers. He drifts into thought.

Ideal woman… 

Namjoon starts thinking about what he finds attractive. He imagines lean, fit bodies and smooth skin. Silky hair and slightly parted lips. Sparkling eyes and light voices that entice him. He imagines a pair of hands caressing his face, feels the hands move down his neck and to his chest, constantly moving. The hands then become arms attached to a lean and skinny body, a dancer’s body. He feels the body with his own hands, moving to the sides of the person and down to their hips. The person materializes even more, revealing defined abs that lead to a man’s chest and strong thighs that straddle Namjoon’s middle, masculine shoulders that carry beauty and grace. The person is a beautifully built man. The face is blurred, but he can make out plump lips that shine, half parted in a silent breath. The figure leans down into Namjoon, hands on his chest and head as it gets closer to his face. Namjoon is lost in a trance by this beautiful person, and leans in to meet his lips with theirs, when he is met with air. He opens his eyes to his empty room and him in bed.

What a strange dream. 

He winces as he adjusts under the covers and discovers that he is partially hard.

Great, just what I need. 

He doesn’t have the energy to fix it right now, so he just takes a deep breath and ignores it. Eventually, Namjoon drifts off to sleep.

The next day arrives quickly, and the members are all hung over in the house waking each other up and groaning in the living room.

“What’s everyone’s plans today?” Jimin pipes up, cheerfully, as if he didn't get absolutely wasted the night before. J-hope looks up at him from his fetal position.

“How are you a real person?” 

“Yoongi-ssi and I were going fishing if anyone wants to join us.” Jin puts the offer out there, to which nobody volunteers.

“I thought you hate fishing?” Y/N asks Yoongi.

“I do, but it makes Jin hyung happy. And it's more fun with friends.” Yoongi half spoke, half groaned his response.

“Awe, he does have a heart!” Jimin teased. Yoongi curled deeper into his blanket in response.

“I want to go hiking today, anyone want to come with? We can get ramyeon after and karaoke!” Jungkook suggests.

“Oh, that sounds fun! I'll come.” Hoseok blinks the sleepy away from his eyes and nods.

“Jimin and I will come too.” Taehyung holds up his arm.

“Do I get any say in this?” Jimin smacks Taehyung’s shoulder.

Guess that leaves Namjoon and Y/N. Namjoon turns to him.

“Would you be interested in going to the National Folk Museum of Art in Seoul? I haven’t been there in a while.” Namjoon and Y/N both share a passion for minimalistic art and artists as well as art history. Y/N looked up at him and smiled through groggy eyes.

“Sure, that sounds fun!” 

Cute. 

“Sounds like we all got plans then! Get up and get going boys, or these hangovers are gonna take your Friday away.” Jin initiates the march to get ready for the day and get going. As everyone gets up and gets ready to leave, Namjoon also stands up. Y/N stays on the couch for a second before groaning and putting his arms out.

“Help me up hyung, i'm dying.” Namjoon smiles and exaggeratedly pulls Y/N up from the couch.

“I take it I will be driving us?” Y/N teases.

“It’s safer for us and the universe that I don’t.” Namjoon laughs and lets Y/N go upstairs. He trips over the first step, making Namjoon smile.

Was he always this adorable?

Some time goes by and Namjoon gets a text.

Y/N: I’ll be ready in 15, meet me in my car? Me: SOunds good Y/N: Lol typo

He puts his phone away and gets ready. After 15 minutes of looking for a good art museum outfit (he decides on jeans and a hoodie because he couldn't decide) Namjoon heads downstairs and to the parking lot to meet Y/N. He sees the light mint green beetle with its engine on and in the driver’s seat is Y/N, in what looks to be a brown sweater and a green beret with thin circle glasses. He opens the passenger door and buckles his seatbelt.

“You look nice! Perfect for the museum.” Namjoon compliments his outfit.

“Ah, a classic Namjoon look.” Y/N laughs, pointing out Namjoon’s plain outfit.

“Yeah well, I'm okay with being inconspicuous.” 

“You will be my staff as I get all the attention!!” Y/N smiles and gives Namjoon’s shoulder a light punch. Namjoon looks around the inside of Y/N’s car, taking it all in. The interior is light brown and clean, Y/N likes to keep his things tidy. On the windshield mirror is hanging a car freshener that looks like a daisy. Y/N turns on his bluetooth and connects his phone to the radio.

“Any music suggestions?” He asks Namjoon.

“I want to listen to what you want. What are you listening to these days?” Namjoon inquires. It has been a while since he hung out with any of the members one on one. Y/N nods and scrolls through his phone as if it was a super important decision.

“I need to find songs that you wont judge me for.” Y/N laughs, half joking.

“You know I listen to a bit of everything, not much can surprise me.” Namjoon reassures him. Y/N smiles and a song begins to play. Namjoon recognizes it as Troye Sivan’s “Lucky Strike.” Y/N bops his head along to the music and looks at Namjoon for approval.

“I know Troye Sivan. He has a great voice.” 

“God, what I would GIVE to do a collab with him!” Y/N reels, then puts the car in reverse and they set off. The car ride is pleasant and calming as they take turns recommending songs and vibing to them, moments of silent listening as well as gushing about artists they like.

“I wish we could be more open in our music. Like Troye Sivan or Frank Ocean.” Y/N expresses. “I mean, I know we technically can, and there is nothing wrong with expressing your true self through music, but I feel like we have to be so on edge because of how many people listen to our music.” Namjoon understands what he means.

“I get it. We have to tiptoe around certain topics because of how international our reach is.” Y/N nods solemnly to Namjoon's response.

“Yeah. I just wish I could write about what I want without worrying about scandals. We write about girls all the time, I'd love to write a boy love song.” Y/N is focused on the road. Namjoon turns to look at him when he says that, but doesn't say anything. They bop their heads to music the whole way, Y/N making silly gestures and expressions to the music as he drives. A slight burning feeling arises in Namjoon's chest, and upon realizing he is staring quickly glances away and swallows.

Must still be hungover.

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Aaaaaa what did you guys think?!?! I have SO much more written that I'm excited to share with you about this story. If you enjoyed and want to see more chapters please show this some love and tell me what you think below!!!

Stay tuned, Jae loves you <3

[shingekinomyfeelings]

what you really are // 1st installment

Reiner finds that his first sexual encounter with a girl he truly cares for brings up a lot of memories and conflicted emotions. Reiner’s POV; honestly a casserole of angst, fluff, romantic drama, and Reiner being a big dumb idiot. I won't call it comedy, but it made me laugh.

As always, thoughts and comments mean so, so much to me. I really appreciate those of you who've followed me to read my stuff. It's so strange and funny to me that writing about this blonde mess of a man is what brought me back to writing for fun.

warnings: none yet; explicit sex in later installments, but nothing fetishy or triggery. Reiner is angsty, but is that really a warning?

Characters are cadets, but aged up to 19, don't come at me.

notes: uh, so, this one’s a little different from the usual.

It’s from Reiner’s point of view, which has been really fun to do. I’m really not sure how to tag it, though, because the girl in question is unnamed and descriptions are vague enough that she functions as a Reader or y/n, but since it’s from Reiner’s perspective, she’s never referred to as ‘you,’ so idfk if I should call it an x reader fic or an x oc.

It’s also pretty self-ship coded, but I’m starting to realize that most x reader fics are, when they’re written with real feeling and immersion, because a truly blank, universal ‘reader’ is lifeless, and we’re all writing about canon characters through our own lens of interpretation, so the entire fabric of fanfiction is deeply personal, and frankly I doubt anyone is even still reading this fuck it I wish I had apple juice

"Have you, um... have you ever slept with a girl before?"

The question, posed with shy curiosity, makes Reiner's brain skip a few beats along with his heart. He swallows, eyes wide for a moment, the faintest hint of pink creeping across his cheeks, and then he coughs quietly to regain his composure.

"Uhh... uh, a... few, yeah..." He rubs awkwardy at the back of his neck, not sure why he sounds apologetic. She doesn't look upset; she's simply gazing up at him with a slight tilt of her head, waiting for him to say more.

"It was just a few hookups with some girls from town,” he explains, a bit sheepishly. “Not even other cadets, just... strangers. Just some fun now and then, until we got bored of each other and moved on, which never took long. Pretty sure one didn't even tell me her real name."

His heart gives a tiny pang at the soft way she laughs at that, and he pauses for an awkward few seconds before he asks her, "Have you? Slept with... anyone?"

"Of course not," she answers, a hint of amusement in her voice. "I told you, you were my first kiss, remember?"

Oh. Right.

He nods, a little flustered. It’s not that he's forgotten that first kiss – it happened a little over two months ago, and while they've shared many more since then, it’s still the one that keeps him shamefully preoccupied at night when he should be sleeping – but for some reason, this conversation has him fumbling with both his thoughts and his words.

Of course he wants to; God, he wants to. He’s tried his best to hide how badly, not wanting to rush her. He’s never taken his flirting and teasing far enough to make it sound like he’s impatient. He’s even readjusted himself awkwardly many times when she jumps on him playfully, or when he’s pressed against her with his arms around her waist, and his body starts to get just a little carried away.

But, as their private moments together have become more heated, the subject has come up a few times, and she’s expressed interest, and now it’s even harder to keep all of his thoughts at bay. He can’t escape them even in his sleep, recently, though he would never in his life tell her the lurid ways he’s dreamed about her. Underneath all that constantly simmering lust that threatens to boil over a couple of times each day, though, Reiner has noticed other, unexpected feelings beginning to surface as well. Guilt. Sorrow. Hesitation. And...

He looks at her for a moment, the way her hair falls around her face and her shoulders, and the way her eyes are so kind and intent on him.

"Does it... uhh, does it make you nervous, knowing I've done that?" he asks, his eyes trained on hers.

She stares back up at him and asks blithely, "Does it make you nervous knowing I haven't?"

"Tsshh..." He makes a noise like she's just asked something ridiculous, and tries to roll his eyes a little for good measure, but he’s sure she sees through it, because she just smiles just a little more.

His hand reaches out to hers, where it rests on the ground, to lace their fingers together. She’s always seeing right through him; it’s annoying, but charming - and a liability, but so endearing...

She doesn’t see everything, though. If she did, she wouldn’t be here right now, sitting beside me, relaxed, letting me hold her hand.

He reminds himself of that at least once a day.

She would never let someone like me touch her. Why would she?

She sighs softly and bumps her head against his shoulder. “I don’t want it to make you nervous,” she tells him. “If we uh... end up doing that, I trust you, you know...”

You’re too sweet, he wants to tell her. I don’t deserve how sweet you are. I don’t deserve how much you trust me. One day you and everyone else are gonna find that out...

She must see the slight tension that crosses his features, because she plafully blows a puff of air into his ear, and he scoffs in feigned annoyance and puts an arm around her, releasing her hand to drape his on top of her head, ruffling her hair so that it falls across her face. Pulling her closer, he buries his face against her neck and kisses her as she half-assedly tries to squirm away.

He hates himself for feeling happy.

I’m the worst devil on this whole island.