#like damn what a cool interesting style where did it come from where did it go

[demonpiratehuntress]

fictional boys (Monster Trio + Ace, Kaku)

featuring - Zoro x F!Reader, Ace x F!Reader, Sanji x F!Reader, Luffy x F!Reader, Kaku x F!Reader

summary - their reactions to finding out you have a crush on a fictional character

warnings - slightly angsty in Sanji's part but otherwise none

a/n: Kaku is severely underrated and there is a shocking lack of fics for him

ZORO

You're always reading. This was normal for you, but Zoro had never seen you this engrossed in one before. You spent more time with that damn book than you did with him these days, and even napping with you was a pain because you always had it with you. And he didn't understand your obsession with it, until he overheard a conversation between you and Nami.

"So who's your favourite?" The orange-haired navigator asked excitedly, leaning forward for the gossip.

"(Random Name)," you answered just as eagerly, your eyes lighting up excitedly. "He's the coolest!"

"Right?" Nami agreed, a dreamy smile on her face. "And the hottest."

"Oh yeah definitely."

"Who's the hottest, now?" A familiar deep voice cut through before you two could get any further than that. Zoro stopped by the table, crossing his arms and looking unamused.

"A guy in this book," you answered your boyfriend, unaware of the hostility in his tone, "He's this really cool knight who-"

"I'm cooler."

You looked up at him in surprise, not expecting him to cut you off with those words, "What?"

"Your stupid knight," he clarified, "I'm cooler than him. And hotter."

You looked at Nami, who was trying her hardest not to laugh. Then you looked back at your boyfriend, who was looking at you expectantly. Waiting for you to agree.

"Zoro-"

"Oh, so you like him better than me?"

"No! I never-" You stopped, starting to smirk. "Wait...are you jealous?"

He glared at you, "I don't get jealous."

"Oh, alright then," you sat back, deciding to tease him. "Then I can tell you more about his heroics, if you'd like."

A growl followed your words, and the book was quickly pulled from your grip and tossed overboard. The silence was only broken by a splash, before you finally reacted.

"Zoro! What-"

"Mine," he suddenly lifted you up bridal-style, "All mine." He carried you off to his room to show you - remind you - who you belonged to.

"I'm way better than that shitty knight."

ACE

The last time Ace had seen you, you were reading. The next time he saw you, you were still reading. He had gone and had a whole island adventure while you'd apparently just lay on your shared bed with your nose buried in a book. He wondered what was so special and interesting about it, so when you went to go do something he picked it up and read a little bit of it.

"Ace? Are you actually reading something?"

You giggled from the doorway, watching as the second division commander jumped, startled, and dropped your book. He looked up at you, pouting slightly.

"Just wanted to see why it's more interesting than I am."

"It's not more interesting than you are," you denied, coming over to the bed. You sat down next to him, picking it up and checking if you still had your page marked.

"But you're ignoring me to read it!" He protested, crossing his arms. With that and his pout, he looked like an upset child. It was cute.

"I'm not ignoring you! It's just..." You sighed. "There's a character I really like and I want to see where his story goes."

"His?"

You realised your mistake too late. Ace's eyes narrowed, looking from your face to the book. For a moment, there was dead silence, before he suddenly burned your book to a crisp. Your eyes widened and you were about to scold him for that, but he quickly engulfed you in a bone-crushing hug, nuzzling his face against your neck.

"You don't need a stupid book boy, you have me."

"Portgas D. Ace, are you jealous of a fictional character?"

"W-what?! NO! I just...you know...you don't give me any attention anymore!"

"So you're jealous. Of a boy who doesn't exist."

He groaned, keeping his face buried in your neck so you wouldn't see the embarrassing blush that fell over his cheeks, "Not jealous. Just want you." Before you could tease him any further, he leaned up to kiss you deeply.

"I'm the only one who's allowed to have you, no one else. Not even some damn fictional character."

LUFFY

He doesn't think much of it when you spend most of your free time reading. He doesn't feel threatened by anything or anyone when it comes to you, but he is also very confused by the concept of fictional characters. So when he hears you and Robin gushing about one, he is only intrigued by what you guys are talking about.

"Did you get to the part where..." Robin was asking you, rambling on about one of the scenes in the book.

"I did!" You gasped, "And I loved it. Especially what he did."

With Zoro napping, Sanji cooking, Chopper making more rumble balls, and Franky and Usopp working on the ship, Luffy had nothing better to do than come sit and listen to you and Robin. When he heard 'he', though, his interest was piqued.

"Who's 'he' (Name)?" He asked curiously.

You blushed at his question, unsure of how to explain this to your boyfriend, "He's, um, he-"

"He's (Name)'s fictional crush," Nami answered for you, shooting you a playful smirk. She knew damn well what she was doing, and your eyes widened.

"Luffy-"

"What's a fictional crush?" He blinked, confused.

"Nothing!" You quickly responded before Nami could open her mouth again, "It's really nothing, it's not important."

"It means (Name) likes a boy in the book she's reading," Nami continued, "The same way she likes you, Luffy."

"NAMI!" The glare you shot her could make sea kings tremble.

"But why?" Luffy questioned, "(Name) said I'm the only one she likes like that."

"And that is true," you agreed, smiling as you gave him a quick but loving kiss on his cheek. Sometimes you were grateful for Luffy's obliviousness.

"Good, because I would have just fought him for you."

SANJI

Sanji was happy to see that you had found something to occupy yourself with while he was busy, so he wouldn't feel guilty about leaving you alone so much. He would bring you snacks and refreshing drinks while you read, happy to serve you and keep you satisfied while you enjoyed your mental adventure. But a conversation between you, Nami and Robin changed everything.

"(Random Name) is so hot," you were gushing as Sanji arrived with another tray of drinks, "Like, unbelievably hot. And he's so sweet, too. Definitely boyfriend material."

While Nami and Robin eagerly agreed with you, Sanji almost dropped the tray he was holding. His eyes went wide at your words, and he felt his stomach churn.

"My love...who are you talking about?"

He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but why would you openly talk about some other man in front of him? Is this how you felt when you saw him give attention to other women? He swore he would stop right now if it meant this person wasn't real.

"A guy from the book I'm reading," you smiled up at him, but faltered when you saw the look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he shook his head and forced a smile, "I'm glad you're enjoying the book, love."

"Sanji, he's just a fictional character," you turned to face the cook completely, "I wouldn't really date him, even if he was real. You know I only love you, and you alone."

Your words were reassuring, and Sanji was grateful it wasn't any real person, but the words 'boyfriend material' rang in his head again. He set the drinks down. Then, unexpectedly, he got down on his knees and clasped his hands together in a begging gesture.

"(Name), my sweet, beautiful girlfriend that I love more than anything else in the world, I promise to stop looking at and flirting with other women if you stop reading that book!"

You raised an eyebrow, realising that he really was jealous of (Random Name), "You really mean that?"

"Yes yes yes! Please!"

"You better keep that promise."

"I will, because I'm only yours and you're only mine."

KAKU

With Kaku's job being...what it was, you spent majority of your time at home in Water 7 alone. He was almost always away on missions, leaving you with nothing to do but turn to books to occupy yourself during the day. So in the absence of your boyfriend, it was only natural you would be drawn to fictional men as a way of receiving affection.

Kaku didn't expect to come home and find downstairs neat but empty.

"(Name)?" He called out, frowning when he got no response.

He came upstairs, finding you asleep on the bed with a book clutched close to your chest. He looked at the title - it was a romance. That made him feel guilty; he knew you didn't like romances, and that you only read them when he wasn't around. He tried to remove it from your grip so he could cuddle you instead, but this action stirred you and you slowly sat up.

"Kaku?" You blinked the sleep out of your eyes, then smiled softly, "You're back. Hi."

"Hi," he replied sweetly, returning your smile. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's alright," you reassured him, "I didn't realise I fell asleep. Must have read until I passed out."

He chuckled at that, before gesturing to the book, "What were you reading about?"

"This?" You looked down at the book. "Oh, I just heard from a friend it was good. And that the main male character is swoon-worthy, which he is. I can see why she liked it."

At the mention of the male MC, Kaku felt an unjustified and unnecessary bout of jealousy swell up inside him. You liked the guy in the book? Maybe if he had been here you wouldn't.

"You don't have to be jealous you know," you started to smile playfully. "He doesn't compare to you."

"I'm not jealous," he tried to deny it, but his rosy cheeks gave it away. "It's a fictional character, why would I be jealous?"

"'It'?" You teased, pulling him closer to you. "So jealous you can't even give him a pronoun." You laughed, and the sound relaxed the tense CP9 agent.

"Ha, ha," he replied dryly, wrapping his arms around you. "Come here."

"I love you, and only you," you smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Good, because it will only ever be me and you."

[jeansplaytoy]

‘ 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐘 .

you took interest in someone you never thought you would.

arminxreader, black!reader, 90s highschool based, language throughout, sexual references throughout (maybe not in this chapter), hood themed, mental /some physical abuse, armin referred to as ‘white boy armin’, all characters are 18+ except for the ones that obviously aren’t and in the beginning, NO PROOFREAD YALL.

“aye, white boy.”

“white boy armin!”

“you’re a disappointment, armin.”

“mommy loves you, armin. okay?”

he lived up to those same words and phrases everyday, nothing new. it’s just the way he lived. growing up from hearing his mom and dad argue every single damn day, shits annoying. especially when the attention moved on to him.

and he was only 12.

“you don’t know what he goes through at school, or even here, because you’re not around enough!” that was his mom.

“i don’t give a shit what happens at school or here. i don’t want him to grow up like the rest of the kids on these streets. look at where we fuckin live, woman! you actually think he’s gonna have fun here?” that was his dad. he hates his dad. he was always yelling, and drinking, and yelling again.

but armin was quiet. he didn’t really get to have a say in things, but even when he did, he didn’t say anything.

“yo, armin! can you come out today?” eren asked, across the street of armin’s house. he stood up and glanced back at his house, shrugging.

and then there were the streets. the damn hood streets where a lot of shit happens, a lot of shit was seen. but he had to be some kind of ‘privileged white boy’? no. did he wanna be? no. but he didn’t like where he lived. he only grew to like it, especially when you came into the picture.

now you were one of the girls that everyone wanted to talk to at school, the one with the good style and the good personality that every boy always wanted to kiss or date.

“this armin. he cool, real chill. he quiet but you know, you gon’ start liking him when y’all get closer.” ony said. you all walked the sidewalks together, them walking you home to make sure you were safe on the way. ‘them’ being eren, ony, and armin. eren knew armin the longest, and he would be considered to be ‘white boy eren’, but he wasn’t even from around there. he went to a different school, and fought almost everywhere he went, which is why he wasn’t from around there anymore.

“you new here or sum? or you just quiet.” you looked up at him, holding your backpack on your shoulder.

“quiet.” he muttered, looking away.

he wasn’t gonna lie when he said he didn’t really like you at first. but as years went by, it was more of you he could stand.

“boy i don’t want you. i already said that.” you looked at a boy as you closed your locker.

“bi-“

“say it. i want you to.” armin said, leaning against a locker behind the guy, making him turn around. “who the fuck you posed to be? oh. that white boy.” he scoffed.

armin raised his eyebrows.

yeah, that was his third fight that month.

and the third time his dad yelled at him in that week.

“why the hell am i gettin’ calls from the school saying you’re suspended again? see, this is why you need to stay in the damn house and be homeschooled—!”

as he kept rambling, armin closed the fridge and sighed, walking upstairs.

“don’t walk away from me when i’m fucking talking to you, arlert!” his dad slammed his beer glass down and followed armin.

“so i can’t walk and listen at the same time? ight.” armin mumbled.

“the fuck did you just say?” his dad squinted, making his way to his room.

armin turned around. “i said-“ “honey, just leave him alone. he hasn’t did anything bad, maybe he was just defending his self!” his mom rushed in the picture, but was shoved out of the way. his dad grabbed his shirt and pinned him against the wall.

“listen you little shit. you talk back to me again and i’ll break your fuckin’ face. i don’t know where you get your attitude from, but you need to shut the hell up like you did when you were younger.” his dad snapped through gritted teeth. armin’s breathing got heavy and he bit his bottom lip with a force, nearly making his own lip bleed.

“just get off of him!” his mom yelled.

his dad stared into his eyes, fuming with anger. he shoved him against the wall one last time before turning and stoping downstairs. armin stood there for a few seconds before going in his room, slamming the door behind him.

he threw his self down on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes with a slight frown. that’s when he got a text.

ony

yo u tryna hoop?

he tossed his phone down beside him and sniffed, getting up and looking through his drawers for basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

he changed his clothes and shoes, fixing his hair in the mirror before grabbing his second backpack and his phone, walking out of his room.

he went downstairs and to his kitchen, where his mom washed the dishes. “where you headed, sweetie?” she asked. “bouda hoop, Ma. ill be back tonight.” he grabbed a bottle of water and walked towards the front door. “don’t come too late.” his mom said before blowing him a kiss.

armin nodded and shut the door behind him, starting to walk out of the driveway and down the sidewalk. the walk was like 5 minutes. 5 minutes that he didn’t care about because nothing else in his life was that important.

but when he made it, it was slightly better.

“i know that ain’t white boy armin, man i heard you got suspended today.” one of his friends dapped him up. “yeah, ian worried bout that. i just wanna hoop right now.” he walked towards the basketball goal with ony, jean, and connie.

“wassup, Arm’. you ain’t been here in a minute.” connie chuckled, patting his back. “ight, let’s go.”

and there you were, sitting on the bench by yourself, simply because ony dragged you there. sasha and mikasa had extra work to do that day, so you were the only girl there. you didn’t have a problem with it tho, because you knew everyone there.

“want me to watch and he can’t even make the shot.” you whispered to yourself with a small chuckle, pulling out your phone to find something better to entertain yourself with.

after about an hour, yeah, an hour of being there for no reason, you saw someone coming over to you. you looked up to see armin. he sat at the bench, a few inches away from you, wiping his sweat and checking his phone.

“you good?” you frowned a little. “yeah.” he mumbled. you hummed, guessing he didn’t really wanna have a conversation with you at the moment.

“ain’t you ony girl?” he tilted his head. “i thought you was in our lil group. no, we not together.” you shook your head, watching the rest of the boys continue to play basketball.

“um, thank you for defending me or whatever at school. i hate when boys do the shit they do.” you said. “don’t even mention it.” he mumbled. you looked at him for a minute before something caught your eye. “you got a scratch.” you pointed to his finger.

“hm.” he looked at you.

you smacked your lips and pointed, grabbing his hand. “a scratch.” you said before looking closer. “oh, that’s glass. you ain’t feel that?” you asked, sitting his hand on your lap and trying to get the glass out by yourself.

he didn’t really mind it, so he let you, despite the small amounts of pain that shot through his finger every time you touched it.

“nah. not until you pointed it out.” he mumbled, leaning back.

you threw the small shard of glass under the bench and reached in your small purse, grabbing a bandaid.

“you actually keep bandaids in yo purse?” he asked. you shrugged with a small smile. “i know y’all boys be easy to scratch up.” you said, rubbing the bandaid on his finger before letting go of his hand.

armin looked at you for a few seconds before humming. “that’s prolly just me.”

you laughed and shook your head. “well. you ain’t sweating no more. you could go back out there.” you pointed, right before jean called him back on the court.

armin smacked his lips a little and nodded slowly, standing up and walking over to the rest of the boys.

you decided to watch them start playing again, glancing at a different person every time someone stole or passed the ball. it was a few minutes back in, some people took their shirts off. but only one caught your eye.

‘he that fit?’ you thought to yourself, seeing armin’s abs and arms. his arms had a little muscle, and of course he wasn’t buff buff. but it did look like he worked out a little. or more than that.

you continued to watch them play, your eyes never leaving him.

even when he glanced back at you, standing to the side of one of their dumb free throws.

his lip quirked a half smile a little before he got back to playing. and again, minutes passed, a lot of minutes, to hours. that’s when everyone finally decided to go home.

“come on, y/n.” ony yawned, grabbing his things. the streetlights were on now, and everyone was getting tired. you were about to stand up until you heard the basketball bouncing again.

“i’m… just gon stay here wit’ armin til he wanna leave. i’ll text you when i get home.” you mumbled.

“ight. be safe.” ony flicked your forehead before walking out of the gate with connie.

you hummed and looked back over to armin who just dribbled and shot the ball for a few more minutes. that was until he sighed, making one last shot and letting the ball fall, turning around.

you saw him pause, probably being jumpscared by how you were just sitting there, before holding his chest and letting out a deep sigh. “what the fuck?” he walked over to you. “why you still here?” he asked, grabbing his things.

“ian want you to be alone. duh.” you got up as he grabbed his things. you grabbed your purse and phone, waiting on armin to finish packing his stuff.

“you coulda just went home.”

“i know that.”

“don’t you got some typa curfew?” armin asked, starting to walk. you walked beside him. “no, and you do?” you looked up at him. “nah. i just think it’s weird how you would randomly wait for me. no problem wit it tho. ‘preciate it.” he said.

“cus ion want you to be here alone.” you said as you both left the gate and started to walk down the street.

“well how you gettin home? i know you live on the other side of the block.” he mumbled. “the good side.”

you smacked your lips with a smile. “ion live on the good side. shit still happens there. the neighborhood still boring as fuck. i just… don’t pay attention to it.” you shrugged.

you continued to walk and talk until you both made it to armin’s house.

armin suddenly stopped. “we gon have to go around.”

“why?”

“ion want you walkin home alone.”

“why would i be walking home alone if my house is right behind the fence of yours?” you started walking to the side, and backyard of his house.

“hol’ up, huh?”

“hold on, lift me.” you grabbed the top of the fence. “uh.. okay.” armin muttered, letting you step on his hands.

when you were halfway across, you sat there for a second.

“thanks for walking me home.” you smiled a little, hopping down and walking towards your own house, leaving armin confused.

“well damn.” he pursed his lips together, picking his things back up and walking towards his house.

after that… well, you don’t even remember. all you know is, that was the one time you two got close.

the one time, just for now.

part two here!

[spleelover06]

Why I prefer Yo-Kai Watch over Pokémon

I have mentioned before that I prefer Yo-Kai Watch over Pokémon, and if you're interested in knowing why, here are the reasons why I do:

1: It's interesting how the YKW anime doesn't always just focus on the main protagonist as it also focuses on what some of the other characters and Yo-Kai do more. Pokemon pretty much focused too much on Ash Ketchum for over two decades despite having different friends from different regions. We mostly never get to see what Ash's friends are up to.

2: The side characters in Yo-Kai Watch don't get replaced every couple of years, and it feels like the crew behind the franchise actually gives a damn about their characters, unlike the Pokemon franchise, where they constantly and commonly introduce new characters and rivals and then replace them with new ones every now and then, which I did find pretty cool at first, but now it's gotten old and annoying, and I just wish they'd stop with that.

3: I find the Yo-Kai Watch fanbase to be more sane and less toxic, and it isn't around the same level of how toxic and annoying the Pokemon fanbase is, which is why I left it and also kinda regret being in it. The shippings in Yo-Kai Watch aren't really taken as seriously as the shippings in Pokemon, and there isn't really any shipping wars happening in the Yo-Kai Watch fandom, at least from what I've seen. Plus the fanbase behind the YKW games doesn't seem as bad either.

4: Yo-Kai have more personality and can make more noises and say far more than just their name, which makes it easier for me to know what each Yo-Kai is individually like.

5: The episodes in the YKW anime feel more of my style as I have always personally preferred episodic shows over shows with a lot of ongoing storylines and with the whole to be continued thing which I can find really annoying.

6: The Yo-Kai Watch games, to me, are more enjoyable than the Pokemon games are because there's more exploration to do, there's lots of content in both before and after finishing the game, the cutscenes don't really take up space during my time playing it and they are at least more interesting (especially since there are ones where they speak with voices), and the graphics, soundtracks and settings looks great to me.

7: The storylines in the games and anime are better, plus I find Nate to be a better protagonist than Ash. Nate acts more like a person in the real world with actual personality and it's interesting to see how he can see creatures that other people can't in a non forced way. This goes for Hailey Anne as well because both characters are quite relatable for people in the real world. Ash on the other hand just travels through participates in Pokemon leagues over and over again, and the show can mainly suffer from having him as the main character since it's mostly through his perspective, and the plots mostly involve him and even have him there even if he's just there not doing much (what's the point of even doing that?).

8: There aren't as much gender stereotypes used in Yo-Kai Watch as there is in Pokemon. What I mean by that is the fact that Ash's female come out as either girly girls that participate in stuff that makes them wear dresses and do elegant/graceful stuff with their stuff, or tomboys that want to accomplish something strongly just like Ash. Not only that but all of Ash's' companion's personalities and traits in Pokemon can blend into one-another, resulting in them lacking true individual personalities. Meanwhile in Yo-Kai Watch almost every character is shown to have their own personalities even if they share some traits with each other, showing that there are no gender stereotypes overused.

9: Yo-Kai Watch isn't afraid to leave the status quo like how Pokemon mostly is because we get to see Nate go through different challenges and plots as the series continues, while before season 25, the Pokemon series was too afraid of leaving the status quo to the point where they had to keep Ash going to different regions while keeping him at the age of 10 with Team Rocket stalking him. There are no excuses why they had to keep on doing that other than being afraid to leave the status quo.

10: There's no overuse of clichés in YKW, like Nate having feelings for Katie does not become so forced for example as well as how not every episode plot has the good ending we'd all sorta expect to happen. Heck, the premise seemed pretty original to me also. While in Pokemon, it's about a new trainer becoming a champion and/or Pokemon master overtime and encountering/defeating evil teams in every single region, and this is one of the reasons why I left the fandom. The whole premise just seemed really clichéd to me and it's something that the Pokemon anime was too afraid to change it up more until the horizons series came (I'd say it's more tolerable than the original anime).

And that's me done with explaining things out about why I think this way. I've tried to think the opposite of this when I was younger but I fully failed to do so and went back to my original thoughts on the two franchises. There's just too many Pokemon, games, seasons/episodes, movies, altered storylines and characters from the Pokemon franchise for me to give a damn about them while Yo-Kai Watch gives out all of that stuff in a way where they're not overdoing it and that makes the series more interesting. If you think the other way around, then I can handle that opinion of yours. This pretty concludes what I wanted to say here and I hope y'all understand what I felt like saying here. If you do, thanks.

[grapejuicestyless]

i have had this idea for so long, but i really think you could do this justice. sort of like the film the holiday!!! but not really set in Christmas and more so through the seasons. harry moves out of the city (doesn’t need to be a singer and could just be a CEO) into a small village in a lovely cottage where all of the furniture is mismatched and there’s sash windows which are always open. He’s there for a few months before he starts to feel lonely so decides to bring in a lodger! He hand makes posters and puts them on the village hall board and … he finally gets a taker! It’s a quirky girl who is totally all over the place and she moves in .. the seasons change and so does their relationship.. friends to lovers OR ACTUALLY maybe it could be so interesting for it to be enemies to lovers! That could be fun to write. But idk I’ve been thinking about it for so long !!! They could organise a dinner party for friends one night or maybe Harry goes away to the city for a meeting and that’s where y/n realises how much she misses him / likes him. Definitely has to be fluffy but also needs to have some drama. I haven’t figured that out yet 😭😭😭 I’m so sorry for this really long rambly post but I wanted to give u as much of my brain as possible lol. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see what you would do with this / if it’s something you’re even interested in. Have a gorgeous evening / day / morning xxx love you!!💖💖💖💖💖

Bad People

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Harry and Y/n met by pure luck. Sharing secrets and laughing like little kids, ribs and cheeks hurting. Y/n is sure Harry is destined to be in her life forever. She’s just not sure when that became a bad thing.

FLANGST/FRIENDS TO ENEMIES TO LOVERS

The pale blue sky looked gray from certain windows. The glass was cracked and the stove stained with boiled over soup broth and old sprinklings of spices.

The birds sang solemnly, humming the tune to what I believed sounded like something you’d hear at a funeral. Here, the pavement was cracked and the stars were consistently covered with clouds. Snow, more often than not, fell heavily. From October to April. The nearby ocean nearly always too cold to swim in. The backyard pool cold and clean, still with nobody to inhabit it.

All the beauty ripped from the earth, and replaced with another kind of it. I wouldn’t mind it half as much, if I had someone to enjoy the snow with. To enjoy the polar plunges, the visible breath and numb fingers.

Like old times sake, snowmen and snowball fights. Sledding or fort making. Rosy cheeks and icy hair a memory of the past. Cheeks hurting from smiles, not the winter chill.

The laughter of my mother was long gone, and my brother outgrew his desire for a sibling as soon as he turned sixteen. Few friends, not any at least, that would enjoy the activities the white powder offered.

So now, I look out the window, nursing a glass of wine propped up on the windowsill. I don’t see the snow day ahead or pray for a white Christmas. I pray that one day, I’ll find someone to enjoy it with me. To soothe the pain little eight year old me suffered with the absence of her father, her distant mother and her selfish brother.

“Looking at it won’t make it fall any faster, Y/n.” The puff of air coming from my nose fogs up to cool glass, and my fingers leave prints along the center.

He’s not looking at me, he rarely does when we aren’t fighting. It’s like I disgust him. I feel like a fool every god damn time.

“Have you always naturally been an asshole or did you grow into it?” I don’t look at him, but I feel his gaze settle on my reflection in the glass. His voice alone urges me to take a large drink from the wine glass. The ruby red staining my top lip. I spread it around and taste the bitterness of it on my tongue.

He begins to leave, almost succeeding without a passing glance, but biting his tongue is something Harry nor I have ever been able to do. So it’s natural how he goes for the last word.

“Theres only so much wine, Y/n.” He teases. I down the rest while he walks away. The sigh that leaves my mouth after I feel the ghost of him leaving me isn’t only for air, but because suddenly the room feels lighter.

It’s funny, how someone so special can leave such a disgusting taste in your mouth. Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing. To remember that it wasn’t always like this. I didn’t always hate my old friend, bounded to me through the home we share. I once enjoyed the company of Harry styles.

It was nearly a year since I’d moved in. A year since the snow turned to thick ice and roads became bare with people too afraid to try and navigate through the harsh winter.

Nearly a year since I first saw the house at the end of the road, with a neat front lawn and a tree with hanging branches ready to snap.

A red scarf and red mittens is what I wore. With a faded brown coat and worn blue jeans. A hat on top of my head and a journal tucked underneath my arm. He had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. The stars in the night sky didn’t quite shine as bright as his eyes, I swore it to myself.

He had an english accent, one that I wasn’t familiar with. Peach fuzz and dark chocolate curls a mess on his head. When I told him my job, he laughed, but something about his shocked expression after told me he didn’t mean it cruelly. Rather, that he was shocked, or just piecing the puzzle together.

“I’m my mother’s daughter.” I told him, “She always had a thing for poetry. The sappy ones with the tragic endings. I got it from her and I’m damn good at it.” I smiled at him then, and he smiled back bigger.

“It’s just funny. Moving somewhere so quiet for a job all about fantasy and adventure.” He explained, already guiding the two of us through the wide doorway. I set my boots in the old entryway which it seemed he had turned into a mud room. I admired the shade of green on the wall and nodded along. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

That night, while settling into my new space, I shared with him my life. My goals and dreams. With his toothy smile and boyish eyes, he made it so easy to trust him. I sat on my newly made bed and he sat in my spinning chair by my desk. Moving it back and forth, swaying slowly. A cigarette started dangling from his pocket, I still remember the way he took it between his thumb and his index finger. Rolling it around, debating whether or not to light it. It was like he didn’t know he had it.

“I didn’t take you for a smoker.” I laughed at him, he laughed back. Shy almost, only looking at me for a moment.

“M’not. A few here and there. Helps to wind down.” When he ran his hand through his hair, I remember seeing all his rings. A rose and two with his initials. One looked like a lion. That one was my favorite.

Other than his charming smile and infectious laughter, I knew nothing of him, I had come to realize. Here he was, knowing about my family and friends. My job and my hobbies. All I had asked him was his name.

When I asked him, he was just as talkative as I was. A sparkle in his eyes when he talked about his job. I remember specifically, how they lit up extra bright when he mentioned his mother, Anne, and his older sister, Gemma. I learned about his job too. Harry had everything he could ever truly want. The money, the power, the glory. His office at the top floor overlooking the bustling city that never sleeps. Families dancing around the square and traffic backed up into the city line.

The sad thing was, that even with all this pride he got to carry with his reputation, the city was no home to him. The summer held no comfort. Not the same now that he was long out of school. The heat was simply uncomfortable. His lavish suit sticking to his skin. Even the air conditioner couldn’t soothe the pounding of his head against the strong New York heat.

His nose stung in the summer. The warmer it got, the worse it smelled. Garbage littering the streets no longer covered by thick snow. Tourists and their children filling up all his favorite places of relaxation. Each carrying their own scent from home. The calming pine from the North or the tangy citrus of the west coast.

Harry felt no true love for his home anymore. No real attachment. There was no smell of home, and there certainly wasn’t any old faces with their gravelly voices and thick accents. If it weren’t for the business there, he would’ve fled somewhere else long ago. Somewhere quieter. Somewhere that felt like home. If he could, he would have tucked himself back into the small home his mother raised him and his sister in. He would’ve curled up happily in his twin bed and looked out the same crooked window each night and feel happy with only that.

He tells me that when he got in the car waiting for him at the airport, he was tempted to tell the driver to take him home, to see if it would make him smile. He’d seen the gag used in all the old rom-coms he and his mother used to watch. The short blonde running from the love of her life only to be led back into his arms. But Harry know’s better. He tells me so. So when the driver asks him where to, he tells him the address.

He told me about his work life. How there was a branch out in the UK. The one that started it all. And as his success grew, so did his aspirations and his needs. London no longer provided him with the luxury and opportunity that New York could. So he swapped out his office for a penthouse and acted like the smell of burning garbage and mysterious wet spots on the sidewalks didn’t bother him.

It’s a vicious cycle. To outgrow, to long for, to move, to hate all over again. Thats how he decided that London has just what he needed. His business within reach and smaller towns surrounding its borders.

“And what about now? Are you happy?” Harry crinkled his eyes then, smiling a nodding along. He didn’t even mind it then, when I would interrupt. In fact, he welcomed it. Claimed he loved hearing me talk.

I agreed with him when he said that the grass is greener down here. The stars are just that much brighter and theres not a single car honking their horn past nine. All things that left him feeling a whole lot calmer than the chaos of the city.

Here, Harry told me he didn’t mind not living in a lavish penthouse just a few blocks away from his work. Here, he was hours away from the city. He stays in a medium sized cape cod styled house, pre-decorated from the past owners who didn’t care to take their things when they left for something bigger. It sticks out from the rest of the homes nearby. He wonders how something so different ended up within the same area. And he smiled and sat on the floor when I laughed and told him he’d already lived quite the life for a nearly-thirty year old man.

When silence took over after over an hour long conversation, I bit at my nails and looked at the floor. Suddenly, it came to me.

“Harry?” I had asked. He hummed, looking at me. Even if I hadn’t looked back, I could still feel his eyes on mine. “What made you want a roommate?” When my eyes flickered up to his, I saw no hate, or disgust, or shame. Nothing that I am familiar with now in Harry’s eyes. I saw curiosity, warmth and happiness.

“I like the quiet. I like being able to sleep without someone yelling down the hallway. I like how green it is over here.” I nodded, waiting for him to continue. “But the quiet get’s lonely. And while I like the quiet, I hate being alone.” And it made me smile back then. Maybe it still does thinking about it know. He had been helping me in finding a home, some place warm to stay. Meanwhile, I had been able to give back. Give him what he wanted. At the time, my heart warmed.

For a long time after that, Harry made my heart beat fiercely. He brought me flowers and made us pancakes. Freshly picked blueberries from the local market. He cracked jokes and I repeated them back between our broken laughter, imitating his english accent.

He was a charming man, with an energy that invited and kept you drawn to him. Everyone wanted to be around Harry. The men and the women. Always wanting a piece of the pie. I felt rich in life, that while others had to work for a lifelong friendship with him, naturally, we fit together. We worked.

He entered my life by some kind of coincidence. I needed a place to stay and he was offering a room up.

When he brushed his thumb over my knuckles and kissed the skin, I believed we would be like this forever. Just the two of us.

When he whispered to me that he loved me that same night, I thought it was something he would never take back. Something that would never change. His warm breath and glistening eyes. He was red and shiny. A bottle of the cheap champagne sat on the table and an empty glass beside him. I let his lips trail around my hand and laugh at his antics.

“Harry.” I mumbled into the darkness, he doesn’t move. I silently giggle again after he puffs air out of his own nose onto my hand playfully. His shoulders shake with his own fits of laughter, “Harry.” I call out again, and my eyes are met with his dazzling emerald ones. I almost got lost, forgot how to talk looking at him.

My palms were sweaty with nervousness then. My heart beating out of my chest. I wanted more than anything to tell him everything. As a poet, it should have been easy to put my thoughts out in the open air. But they hadn’t sat within me for long enough to curate a straight forward answer.

How would I even manage to start on how beautiful I thought his brown hair was? Perfectly colored like milk chocolate treats that curled over his forehead. Or his toothy grin which pulled butterflies from the pit of my stomach and made me feel lighter? I couldn’t find just one thing to focus on. And the words that came out of my mouth tumbled out quickly.

“You’re my best friend.” I hoped that he would’ve been able to see how much love I held for him in my face. How even in the dim lighting of only the fireplace and the fading lamp in the corner, he could see how they sparkled just for him.

He pulled his hand away after that, clearing his throat and nodding. But he smiled so softly after that I didn’t see how his eyes welled up with tears. I only saw his perfectly pink lips and his rosy cheeks. For once, I wasn’t focused on his eyes, and I paid the price.

He never made pancakes for us after that night. Nor did he ever pick flowers from the fields or crack jokes until our stomachs hurt. My hand was never slotted between his and my head didn’t rest on top of his shoulders. He was colder, more distant. Quiet.

But the quiet grew old for us both. And the slipping away hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced. I was everyone else in his life. Fighting for a spot in the light so he would see me, smile at me, acknowledge me.

Part of me wondered why he never asked me to leave. To pack my bags and find another innocent man to love because he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. But he never did. Harry hated being alone and I knew better than anyone else. I knew it because I was his best friend at some point. We shared the same breaths and drank from the same glasses. I wore his shirts and he used my hair clips. He kept me around not because he still wanted me, but because he still needed me. And the realization of it all hurts worse than the silence because it’s then I know that I’ve really lost him. It leaves me with the question, ‘What have I done to deserve this?’

I think back on that night when our world shifted on its axis and I go over every word that was said. I check for any signs of discomfort or anger and I find nothing. It plagues me with a new insecurity.

Maybe it wasn’t something I’d said, maybe it wasn’t something I’d done. Maybe the warmth from the champagne grew cold in his blood and the false euphoria from it all cleared from his peripheral vision and he realized that I was no longer enough. I was not what he wanted. The idea of his roommate becoming his only friend too pathetic for a man with such power.

Soon after, I stop putting up a fight. I stop fighting for a spot in his life and I stop trying to win back a man that was never mine. I figured at least if he could never be mine and I would never be his, at least I still got to see his pretty face everyday. And I could imagine that we never drifted.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost. The tears running down my cheeks are hot, burning my skin until my throat dully aches and my chest is red with flakes of nail polish and the dragging of my nails clawing at my chest.

I am sobbing, broken and tired. I dream of a life that is not as miserable. I dream of a life where I no longer doubt the things I love. Where I don’t have to question my friend’s loyalty.

He knocks on my door, leaning against it in only his flannel pants. He has tattoos that compliment his skin so well. He looks like a painting. I’m relieved to see him again. Even if it’s under these circumstances.

I wait for him to speak, even if it’s merely a mumble. Even if I cannot understand.

“Can you stop crying? I can’t sleep.” He requests. My lips part and I swear my lungs collapse within my chest. I can’t breathe and somehow I remain composed.

“Okay.” I say quietly, nodding along and trying to find his eyes. They look at the floor, and his face is contorted like it pained him to say that to me. Like it was against his will. But he doesn’t even look at me.

When he leaves, I collapse, shoulder shaking with rage, sadness, confusion instead of the contagious laughter that once rang out through the halls.

I decide then, July moon shining through the sash windows of my room that I couldn’t continue holding onto Harry. My heart still beats for him and my eyes still sparkled when his own lingered for just a moment longer on me, but I couldn’t like him.

Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing.

After that night, his selfish wishes turn to bitter comments which turn to vicious attacks at my confidence. And my resilience and devotion to silence, to ignore the cruelty of it all is worn thin. My bitten tongue is freed and I am betrayed by my own words. My own comments targeted at his deepest hurts. It’s a mutual hate between us, a mutual dislike.

We live within the same four walls, the same windows and creaky roof over our heads. We cook in the same kitchen and we sit on the same couch, but we cannot stand each other anymore. The house is no longer filled with love, and the warm heat turns to bitter cold. And yet, neither of us have the guts to leave.

We sit here, in a life thats so mean to us just because we are afraid of the loneliness that is surely to come with the other’s absence.

We are here, but we aren’t present. It makes me laugh, it makes me wonder.

Who could ever leave me? But who could stay?

The candles burned down to the floor, wax melting over the wood as the lights set a warm, homely mood for the night. The late December rush throughout the town turned to the few and far between searching for last minute supplies to ring in the new year. It’s peacefully still outside, and the dining room looks so nice I forget why the candles burn and our nicest plates are set out.

Harry insisted on having a small gathering with some of our friends to celebrate the new year before he went away for sometime for work. Being roommates, despite our lack of interest in establishing our own friendship, his friends become my friends and mine become his. It’s a fairly large group that was once two. But have now become so closely intertwined that it seems hard to differentiate who was friends with who first.

There was wine, pastas and breads. Hams and potatoes. Drinks and endless desserts. It felt nice, to have all those people we cared so deeply about chip in and help to create such a lovely meal for the few of us.

Hearing that first doorbell ring to see all of our friends stood proudly on our crooked doorstep made my heart flutter. Sarah, Mitch, Pauli, Elin, Charlotte, Nyoh. All holding various foods to add to the never ending supply on the multiple tables set in a row.

“Harry! Y/n!” The enthusiasm from our friends seemed to lighten the mood, letting the heavy feeling of heated arguments and constant anger slip down my back and into the farthest part of my brain.

It was times like these where I’d forget how to hate. How to spread anger and disgust to someone who clearly showed none of it in return in these times. Here, Harry was talkative. Always plastering on a fake smile and wave.

He was good at pretending. And while the walls of the house had seen a different story, those around us were innocent, forever unknowing of how Harry constantly belittled me, bothered me. Of how I was no better. How my tongue was sharp and my words shot to kill.

Nobody minded the difference in height of the dinning room table against the kitchen table. How one was round and the other a rectangle. Both covered by one long table cloth. Nobody minded the soft music in the background or how the light wasn’t the brightest. The soft flickers never mentioned.

We let the candles burn until they had nothing left to give, and we ate until it was bare and our stomachs hurt. Here, I never felt like I was trapped. Here, I remembered why I came to live with Harry in the first place. And I was thankful. It was times like these I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. Cheeks sore and eyes crinkling. I would laugh at just about anything, trust anyone and agree with everything.

“When are you going to tell him?” An elbow to the ribs pulled my gaze from the end of the table, my smile dropping for only a moment at the sudden shock.

“Sorry?” I mumbled softly into Sarah’s ear. Her eyes glimmered with something mischievous, like she knew something that I didn’t. She licked her pink lips and looked briefly back to the end of the table. All the way over by the dining table, sat a few feet away and a couple inches higher, was Harry. Laughing and talking with Pauli and Elin about anything and everything. I couldn’t quite make it out over the soft chatter of Mitch and Charlotte and the clinking of forks on plates.

“Harry!” She called softly. When my eyebrows furrowed she rolled her eyes, sighing heavily.

“I don’t get it.” Forking another bite of vegetables into my mouth, I watched her fight for the right words to say. Her lips finally settling on the soft smile I knew very well.

“Don’t play dumb, Y/n. I know that look. Better than anyone. Thats how I look at Mitch.” She playfully nudged my shoulder. Did she believe that I held any romantic feelings for Harry? I couldn’t, it was impossible. Right?

His rude remarks and his mean demeanor. Sure, at one point my heart beat for the brunette with an infectious smile and shiny green eyes, but now it was a memory of the past. Another pretty face who had thrown away all of his charm and care and exchanged with unwavering cruelty.

“Oh, no. Sarah, I don’t think about him that way.” I tried to wave her off, trying to sound the least amount disgusted by her assumption. I couldn’t help but wonder why she thought that.

“I don’t believe you.” She sounded smug, crossing her hands on my thigh and giggling. “You don’t have to. I believe myself.” Brushing her off, I take another bite of any remaining scraps on my plate. Trying to avoid conversation.

“Come on, you seriously don’t see it?” She sounded exasperated now, even more so when I nodded carelessly. She was getting tired of my avoidance to the conversation, my disinterest in her false discovery. Still, the longer she pushed, the more I felt the heat rush to my face. The more my cheeks burned and my skin tingled.

“I’m serious, Sarah. I don’t look at him in anyway. He’s just my roommate. Nothing more, nothing less.” I lean back, volume brought down to a mere whisper with the dying laugher at the other end of the table.

“Well, he’s your friend at least, right?” The lump in my throat was unswallowable. With the growing tightness in my throat and the clamminess of my palms. I wanted nothing more than to slip away and pretend this never happened. So, I bite my tongue and nod, eyes flickering to Sarah while I do so. I pray that she doesn’t see the tears welling in the corners and how glossy they’ve gotten in such a short period of time.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.” The lie stings, burning as it comes out. Partially because I hate lying to my dear Sarah, but mainly because at some point it was the truth.

Harry was my everything at one point in my life. He might as well have hung the damn moon and stars. I thought the world of him, wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around mine all the damn time. And it killed me that we’d gotten so far away from that idea that I had to lie about even being acquainted with him.

“Word of advice.” She started, eyeing Harry carefully. My eyes remained glued to the table, fork wobbling between my pointer finger and my thumb. “Best friends don’t look at each other that way.” And when she finished what she wanted to say, I swear my heart just about stopped. All color draining from my face and my eyes rapidly blinking away the tears by now.

Setting my fork down, I ignore her playful smile and the nudge of her shoulder into mine. I look for another face to converse with, to make me begin to forget everything I was trying so desperately to escape. When I search the table, it seems like each person has found themselves in deep conversation with the other. All but one.

And his green eyes capture mine in a way I haven’t known in so long. I’d forgotten what it was like to be the center of his gaze. How thrilling it was. With my eyes, glossed over and heart beating through my chest, it seemed impossible for me to ever consider looking away. His chocolate brown curls and sweet pink lips in a gentle smile. It was consuming and alluring. Irresistible even.

A face that once disgusted me, shattered my heart, angered me and knocked me down with no air left to breathe seemed not all that frightening anymore. And the warmth that spread in my chest scared me more than anything.

I begin to realize, maybe Sarah was right. Maybe that was why I hated him so much. I didn’t hate Harry Styles. And thats why it hurt just that much more. I didn’t hate him at all, in fact. No, rather my poor heart couldn’t handle the heartbreak and deflected in the most malicious way possible. I missed my best friend.

“Y/n.” Sarahs voice pulls me from my haze, and my eyes are flickering over to hers quickly. Lips still parted and eyes still wide.

“You’re crying.” I hadn’t felt the salty heat dripping down my cheeks until she announced it. My skin too numb from embarrassment to even understand what was happening.

My tongue is tied, and my throat is killing me. I feel like I might vomit if I stay here any longer. I can’t be here any longer, I can’t do it. Not when I’ve just realized what I did. I feel what I felt all those months ago when Harry told me to stop crying. When he shut me out for good and became bitter. I feel all air leave my lungs and my knees wobbling. I am going to collapse.

“I just need air.” I say all too loudly, pushing out the chair clumsily and stepping back. The loud scratch of the wooden legs of the wooden floors turns heads and my heavy breathing tells me to get the hell out.

I pardon myself after that, waving off any concern from Sarah, and making sure nobody else saw my escape. Everyone’s still deep into conversation when I turn the corner. All but Sarah and Harry. But neither of them make a move to reach me. I let myself collapse on my bed, mascara running down my white sheets and back aching from how stiff I became at that table. I silently pray that I’ll sleep through the rest of winter.

When the dinner got cold and we’d all run out of things to say, we all look around and silently agree to part ways. It was nice to have some company, I enjoyed being around these people so much. My heart should have been full, yet it felt heavy and empty all at the same time. Littered with a guilt I wasn’t even sure was mine.

I’d seen the way she looked at me. Really looked at me. Glossed over eyes and a quivering lip. She was red with the rush of adrenaline in her blood. Anyone could see how quickly she began to breathe. It was like she was stuck, consumed by something so strong that it left her powerless, weak, crumbling quickly under an undetermined pressure. She started to cry, biting back a sob by biting harshly into her bottom lip, eyes shaking while she searched my face. I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Who had said what, and how I could help her.

I wanted to yell at whoever hurt her this bad. And the feeling of that in itself was unsettling. How my heart still longed to comfort, protect the heart of the girl who once shattered my own with her own words. More than that, I wanted to scream when nobody followed her when she ran. How nobody cared nearly enough about why she was so upset.

I couldn’t understand why I was so invested in her. Someone I was sworn to hate. Someone I had teased and fought for months and let hurt me constantly in retaliation.

But then again, we were no better than one another. We never were. Always saying too little and not opening up quite enough. Creating issues instead of solving problems. We were explosive, nobody could hurt me quite like she could and yet, I felt horrible that she was so upset.

Like the day I’d found her pacing restlessly across the floor. Skin blotchy and eyes puffy with tears. Throat sore with the violent sobs ripping through them. I’d wanted to hold her then too, but I was too bitter to do anything but tell her to quiet down. I felt the same guilt in my bones. And I make the same mistakes I made the first time. I watch her break down and sit with the uneasiness of it all.

Mitch lays a hand over my shoulder, his other arm wrapped around Sarah as he leads her through the door. His eyes look sad and tired. But his smile is genuine and filled with concern.

“Check on Y/n for us okay? Sarah thought it would be best to leave her be for now.” His hand left my shoulder and the door shut quickly after. Leaving me with the unbearable silence and loneliness I felt so frequently nowadays. It breaks down my walls and scares the shit out of me.

Maybe thats why I make my way to the kitchen, shuffling slowly along the floors and leaning slowly over the makeshift tables. A bottle of rouge in one hand, a pack of cigarettes in the other. I stuff them in my pocket and hold the bottle close to my side.

I’m slow, delaying the inevitable question. When I knock on the door, it’s quiet. Almost like I’m hoping that if it’s soft enough, she won’t hear and I can pretend she was ignoring me. But, she does hear me, and she calls out a raspy, muffled welcome, signaling for whoever was hidden behind the door to come through and take in her puffy eyes and wet cheeks.

My throat tightens when I smell her perfume. Something that I would have drowned in not so long ago. She has clothes thrown on a chair in the corner, the same one I sat in so many months ago. I’m tempted to push them off and just sit in the silence with her like we once enjoyed doing.

Her head is in her pillow and her arms are underneath her. She is unaware of who she has let in, but her silence and unmoving body tells me she’s lost all ability to care. I want to leave. I want to turn around and convince myself it was all a mistake. I’d checked on her and she was still alive and well. I’d done my part and I could go on guilt free and forget about how crushed she’d looked just hours before.

When I begin to turn on my heels and pray for this day to be over, I see something unforgettable. A small Polaroid from last year. Just weeks after she’d moved in and charmed me with her beauty and whit. She’s sat with her legs over my lap and my arms around her body. We couldn’t be any happier, and the memory makes my chest sting.

She still cared enough to keep up the old memories of us, even after all the fights and mean glares. Why did she have to keep the damn photo up?

Guilt consumes me once again, and I am faced with the sad woman in front of me, still in the same place as before and just as sad as before. My feet betray my mind, and soon I am stood beside her bedside table with a bottle of wine dangling between my pointer finger and my middle finger.

The glass knocks against her shoulder in a silent invitation. My eyes wordlessly asking her to follow. Her eyes are red, and her lips still shake. She looks completely torn apart, desperate and distraught. Disheveled even. But for some reason in my blurry head, all I can think about is how absolutely beautiful she is in the pale moonlight.

“Come on.” I ask her softly, offering her my hand. When she takes it, she’s nodding already. Trusting a man who deserves no second chances, no trust whatsoever for his cruelty and his inability to communicate. But she follows regardless.

I can’t help but realize how having her so close feels good.

He lights the cigarette for me and watches as I let it burn. My lips twitch as they wrap around the end, tasting the bitterness of its contents and the dry paper.

“How did we end up here?” I ask him, looking over the horizon. The waves are calming over here. They almost silence the ringing in my ears, despite the distance between where we sit, feet dangling over the empty pool edge and the large grass behind it.

He shrugs, snagging the cigarette from my hand delicately and taking a long drag from its end. We swap, my hands wrap around the neck of the wine bottle. It’s tinted green and nearly full.

“Unlucky people, I guess.” He looks at his feet. They dangle in the pool beside mine. You can see just how close we are in the turquoise tint. How the lights make us look less vibrant.

“I wouldn’t consider us unlucky.” I look at the sky, and I can feel his eyes on my face. It makes me swallow, how intense his gaze is. It almost makes it feel that much more real.

“Why’s that?” He asks, twisting the bud out on the cement. It stains the freshly cleaned grey stone an ashy black, but I bite my tongue.

“We had each other. Maybe we aren’t the best people, maybe we’re cruel, but I’d rather argue than live in solitude, right? Company can’t be bought. Even the most painful of it. That’s something real. Something without a price. And we’ve got it.” And it’s true. We fight and we throw shit. We stain the walls and rip the curtains. We start fires and try to blame the other. We make a mess and make amends. But a house isn’t a home without someone to share it with. And at least if we had to suffer to get there, we got it.

“Thats some of your poet shit.” He laughs sadly into the silence, looking at his feet. I laugh along, though I can tell he was only half joking. Then, I let the silence wash back over us. Forgetting how we almost had a full conversation.

“I’m not a bad person. I don’t know why I’m so mean.” He says sincerely. It’s sudden too. I can tell from the rawness in his voice. How his eyes tear up and his lips quiver. His voice cracks. Our feet hang off the edge of the backyard. It’s a quiet life. Even now. With our fights and all the fraud. But it’s never a lonely life, and we only have each other to thank for it.

I want to tell him I know, and I’m so sure of it. I’ve seen the real him, we might just not mesh together. But we once had, and that fact alone holds me back. He takes the lack of response and an opportunity to excuse himself. Pulling his body up by the arms and grunting through the sliding back door. I sit alone in the backyard for hours, body curling up into itself and layers of clothing becoming less than enough after some more time.

“I know.” I whisper into the silence. I know he’s not a bad person, I know it so well and I am so certain of it. I knew Harry once. He’s loyal and kind and the smartest man I’d ever met. And I miss knowing him like that so much.

I thought for a second tonight, I’d gotten part of him back. And maybe I had, but he left so soon I couldn’t really tell all that well. He’s left me back in the silence, wondering what happened to us, and what will happen to us. Why he came to get me, and why he even bothered to open up to me. But he never gives me the time to properly ask, even if I planned to.

I ring in the New Year alone.

The next morning he’s gone. Back to New York for his business in the big city and I am left to sit and think about what was said. A half empty bottle of wine stained with my red lipstick and glitter on the floor from old party poppers Charlotte and Elin had made sure to use before making their exit. I repeat his words.

He’s not a bad person, so why is he so mean? It’s best left unknown. Because if theres one thing I fear more than anything, it’s the realization of rejection.

Even from a man I hate so entirely, it consumes me. That I could not stand to be faced with the fact that Harry and I do not get along simply because we do not work and not because of some other underlying reason.

After all, we had it all. Gave each other everything the other had wanted. Food, shelter, company. There was really so explanation for the bitterness between us.

After all, all this time, despite his anger and hatred, he never left me to the wolves. And despite my heartbreak and sadness, I never left him with an empty home.

A wise man once said to never bite the hand that feeds it. Yet, here we are. Ripping skin from bone until we are left with nothing. We are the ungrateful, the selfish, the cruel. And we both believe that we are in the right.

I am so scared of rejection from this man who I claim to hate because he is the hand that feeds me and I am the hand to him.

We aren’t bad people, so why are we so mean? We recognize all we have to be grateful for, so why do we bite the hand that feeds us?

I guess the vulnerability of it all must have scared us. And while facing the storm, we did what all people do. We let fear consume us and we bite.

Somehow, through all of this. The realizations and the tears and wine and dusty ashes, I love him. Even with my teeth sinking into his skin and his own in mine, drawing blood, I love him. I love Harry Styles. He is my best friend and I am his. That is why I am scared and that is why it hurts so bad. Not because I simply missed him, but rather because my heart was devoted to a man who did not want it.

My fingers fumble over the pad on the phone. I type up his phone number by heart and let it ring. He answers quickly, still waiting for his plane at the airport.

“Y/n?” I can hear the bustling crowds around him and the loud engines taking off from other terminals. I imagine he is plugging one of his ears and mentally cursing the noise for making it so hard to hear.

“Come home.” My breathing is unstable, and my hands run through my hair so much I create new tangles by my neck.

“What? No, Y/n, I have to go. People are expecting me.” He starts to explain how important this is for his business. How it would be so much simpler to be there rather than over a computer screen.

“Fuck them, who cares! Harry, I need you, and I want you, please just listen to me for once. Don’t scoff, or…or roll your eyes or leave! Listen to me this once and if it’s not worth it to you, I promise you’ll never have to listen to me again. Please, it’s important.” I ramble all in one breath, endless pleas met with silence. I can feel the rejection coming, I can hear the way he chokes on a breath, debating what I said.

“Okay.” The phone goes dead with his promise to come home. With the continuous beeps, I slowly come to terms with what I’d just done. But I do not feel panicked, or scared. I feel lighter with the fact that I am about to tell the moody boy something I wished I told him a long time ago.

The door opens with a creak, keys jingling in his large palms. I’d spent the morning pacing the kitchen. Leaving a trail of confetti behind in my wake. I hadn’t cared enough to clean with my endless thoughts and extreme amounts of adrenaline.

“Y/n?” His voice was unsure when it rang out. As if he didn’t know what to expect. The door shut behind him not long before I came rushing around the corner, fingernails bitten to the skin and hangnails bleeding profusely.

“God, Y/n what the hell…” Taking my hands into his, he examined the redness of my irritated skin stained further with dry blood.

“I know.” I looked at him, and he looked back at me like I was crazy.

“What?” His thumbs bent over the backs of my palms, holding me in front of him.

“I know.” I breathed out again, looking at him with such sincerity, praying for him to understand. “You’re not a bad person, and I know it because I know you. Because we fight and we tease and we scream and cry. But I know you because once we didn’t do all of that. And I needed you to know that because it wasn’t fair of me to make you believe that to be true after everything you’ve done for me.” My voice shook with how vulnerable I felt myself becoming. Harry’s hands only tightened the further I explained.

“But what about all I’ve done to you. Y/n, I’ve been awful to you and I never even told you why.” He tried to argue. I shook my head, biting my lips.

“I haven’t been much better.” I smiled sadly. He shook his head back.

“No.”

“Yes.” I blinked hard, pushing back the tears that formed watching his own gather by his waterline.

“No, Y/n, I’ve been horrible. I’ve been mean.” He tried to push away everything I was trying to ignore.

“And so have I.” I tried harder to make him understand.

“But you only did it because I had. And for what?” He finally spoke, voice raised with so much desperation behind it, I froze under his touch.

“Because I loved you so much it drove me fucking insane? Because I still love you and I’m afraid if I can’t get you to hate me I’ll never be able to stop.” He was crying now, pleading with me to make me see his side of things. All I could do was shake my head.

“Harry I could never hate you.”

“But you could never love me.” He argued.

“Thats not true, Harry tell me you know that it couldn’t be true.” I rip my hands from his grip to rest them on his cheeks. I try to wipe away his tears, but his hands cover my wrists and pull them back down.

“How could I? You said it yourself. All those months ago, I told you. I held you close and I told you I loved you. You told me I was your best friend. You couldn’t even pretend!” Neither of us could tell if he was angry or just sad. Maybe both, but no amount of denial would calm him down.

“I didn’t have to, I still don’t have to pretend! Harry, I only said that because I was so fucking scared. Scared of us, of me, of you. Of losing you if it didn’t work. And I lost you anyways, I would’ve just said it if I knew I’d lose you like this.” Our chests bumped and his fingers slipped between mine.

“Y/n.” He whispered into the silence, over our heavy breathing and salty tears.

“I love you, and I miss you.” He didn’t say anything. I could feel him slipping away as soon as his response never came. Not a single word left to say between us. Not a single amount of energy left to fight.

And then he was kissing me. Hard and sweet. Like I was everything he’d ever wanted and more. Like he was hungry, needing more and more of something he had always wanted but could never have. And at the same time, it was soft and tender. Like he never wanted it to end. My back arched within the grip of his wandering hands and my fingers tangling in his curls. I swore I would never let him go.

But it was a swear I couldn’t keep, because air dwindled quickly and spit strung between our lips. Something I would usually gag at, but didn’t mind at the moment. His forehead against mine and arms gripping the fabric by my hips so tight if I moved he could have ripped it.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized in between his heaving breaths.

“Me too.” Looking at him, I could see the red staining his lips from the makeup I’d slept in. It made me laugh, which in result made him smile.

“What? What!” He laughed along cluelessly, letting me back away for a moment.

“You have something-“ I pointed again his mouth and smiled.

“Oh do I? Do I?” He kissed my cheek, smearing the remnants of our kiss across my cheek. “Still there?” He asked with a sly grin. Like he knew he was winning.

So I kissed him hard again, smearing red around his skin and his pink lips with so much love, there was no denying my feelings anymore. There was no hate left to give.

“Yeah, you do.” It was yet another fight, but not one I minded.

After all, thats what we did for so long, it was what we were good at. The teasing and the fighting. Only now it wasn’t bitter, it was playful. And we didn’t coexist with the sole purpose of it.

Because now I was his and he was mine. And this knowledge answered all my questions, all my doubts I’d had before about our relationship and our shared insecurities that led us down this scaring path.

Harry was my best friend, and I was his. And there was no love greater than that.

[dennpooll]

Title: Five days with your crush as your roomate.

Author: Denn/dennpooll.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A STORY WHERE IT'S CHOSO X GENDER NEUTRAL READER!! THIS STORY IS FRIENDS TO LOVERS.

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Backstory:

You and Choso Kamo have been best friends for as long as you can remember. He loved you because you weren't like other people, you stood out, somehow, in some way. He always had a soft spot for you, you noticed whenever you were around, he tried to impress you by doing cool tricks with his blood manipulation technique, now this piqued your interest, you'd bring it up but he'd brush it off, thinking it was a joke and he'd play along. You couldn't help but notice the twinkle in his eye when you walked past, or even the way he acted around you. Also, you guys were in college by now, and fortunately, you guys were roomates! This'd be fun, right? Also, in this story, Choso is technically a curse, so nothing really changes. The dorm room you and Choso shared was fairly big, a kitchen, two bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (one in your bedroom, one in Choso's bedroom and one near the living room) and a living room. The design was modern yet plain and simple. Choso's room was filled with posters and different type of merch from rock bands (I also headcannon him to listen to Nirvana..) But yeah, his room was cozy, yours was simple but, it just layed in the corner of your room. Your room was just like an ordinary room, of course.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

The first day of living with Choso.

You just hopped out of the shower, in only your towel because you had forgotten your clothes, you placed your hand on the metal bathroom door handle and swung it open, your eyes widening as you see Choso in your room, seriously!? What was he doing in YOUR room? And he knew damn well you were showering so he thought you had been changing. You tried to speak, but no words came out, you swallowed the lump in your throat and wished that Choso wouldn't turn around. Choso turns around, of course he had to, he seemed just as surprised as you are, his jaw hanging open at the sight of your bare body wet, your hair soaking wet too. His cheeks flushed a light shade of pink and he stammered "I'm sorry, Y/N, I didn't know you were here- sorry. I was about to uh, leave.." He managed to blurt out, his mouth as dry as a desert, his heart thumping faster than light, his body heating up and a shiver running down his spine, he reluctantly averted his gaze, a strand of his black hair falling onto his face. You chuckled and brushed it off, trying so hard not to blush "Yeah, no worries, it's chill." You said bluntly, smiling and walking out your bathroom "Ah, but.. I would appreciate if you'd leave my room, I need to change. Did you need somethin'? Or are ya snoopin' around like usual, hmm?" You added, narrowing your eyes playfully. Choso shook his head and left your room, closing the door behind him, there was a moment of silence before you started changing.

Time skip: one day later! (Day two!!)

It was a warm, sunny day, you were wearing a pair of baggy jorts, Converse shoes, Your low frame glasses, and a baggy, short sleeved, red T-shirt that had a basketball number on it and a bracelet that was plain black. You also had a spider necklace and your hair was styled normally. Choso was wearing a nirvana black hoodie and black sweatpants, his bluetooth headphones that were a shade of grey rested on his neck, and he had slippers on, because he was planning to stay in the dorm. You, however, were gonna have a night out with your friends. You invited Choso, but, he didn't wanna come, you practically pleaded him, but, he didn't agree. You looked at yourself in the mirror and sprayed on your perfume. You suddenly almost jumped at your phone buzzing with a notification, snapping you out of your trance. You let out a sigh of relief when you realized it was your best friend.

your best friend (messaging you): "Yo, what's good? So, I was gonna pick you and the others up in 30 mins, how does that sound?"

You smiled as your fingers glided across your phone keyboard, texting him back, the message read:

Y/N (responding to their best friend): "Yeah, no problem, can't wait <33 See ya there."

❀•°•════════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ════════•°•❀

Time skip to 3am

So anyway, your night out with your friends was amazing. You enjoyed it so much. And, well, since you were above 18 and allowed to drink.. Let's say, you had a bit too much to drink, you stumbled into the college, barely making it to yours and Choso's dorm room, as you gently knocked on the door, intoxicated with wine and whatever other drinks you were drinking "Choso.." You called out, your hair messy and clothes untidy, it was clear you were drunk, you smelled like an alcoholic parent at this point, and looked like one "Choso, man open-" you were cut off by the door swinging open. Choso in his pajamas on the other side, he looked like he was sleeping.

"Did you drink? Also, where the hell have you been.. It's like.. 3am, shit, are you okay?" Choso replies and steps aside to let you in, his annoyance fading away "Yeah.. I.. I'm sorry, honestly.. I had no idea it was THIS late." you replied as you walked in, hell, you couldn't even walk. You wobbled alot, just then.. Choso placed his hands on your waist, walking you to your room. "Hey- where are we going?" You asked, damn, you were clueless. "Are we going to eat? I'm hungry.." You asked bluntly. Choso internally facepalmed and he opened your door, putting you in your bed and tucking you in. You smiled up at him "Where's my smooch?" You asked with a smirk, your tone was drunken. "F*ck off," Choso said, chuckling "Good night, love." He added on flirtatiously. Your eyes widened and you stammered "Good night, emo boy." You said with a wink, and Choso giggled as he exited, your door closing behind him.

The next dayᥫ᭡ (day 3)

The sunshine shone beautifully through your curtains as morning rose up, the sound of birds chirping filling your ears as you woke up, you sat up in your bed, yawning and stretching. "Ahhh, shit- I had the best sleep of my entire life! Wooohooo today is gonna be a good day, I know it." You said to yourself, with a smile plastered on your morning face. The day went on as usual, you attended your classes with Choso and you caught him staring at you subconsciously. You were writing your notes down when suddenly.. A note came flying at you, and landing on your desk infront of you.. Your eyes widened and you picked the note up and opened it slowly. You smirked when you saw it was from Choso.. But your heart stopped when you read the note fully. The note read:

"You look amazing, y/n."

You internally cursed yourself for being so affected over such a small compliment. Compliments were nothing new, of course.. But from Choso? They felt different.. Even if it was simple, you just couldn't deny you liked it, just when you were in your trans, you were snapped out of it by your dumb bully. "Oi, gimme money." You bully asked coldly "I don't have any, sorry." You replied simply and the bully scoffed and walked away, you were about to get up when Choso approached your desk "Hey, uh, Y/N.. I wanted to ask if you wanna go out with me.. I mean, as friends.. We've been friends since kindergarten and.. It'd mean a lot to me!" Choso asked, with a nervous smile and his cheeks tinted a light shade of pink. He felt a rush of excitement rush through him. "Yeah, why not?" You replied, with a warm smile. You felt your body heating up, you felt amazed and admired by Choso.. And.. Also another feeling you felt towards him that you couldn't quite place a finger on, but, judging by this, we all know what feeling it is by now. Later the night, you dressed up good for going out, and, so did Choso. Choso wore just 2000s style, and he looked good. Better than you'd admit, but hey, we were all at that stage once, afraid to say too little or too less, he'd understand, right?

At the restaurant.

Choso smiled at you as you ate your dinner. You paused and swallowed your food, quirking an eyebrow up and smirking "Got a staring problem, creep?" You asked jokingly. "Who could blame me for admiring a masterpiece. I don't know who's more blessed, you by your beauty or me for meeting you." Choso replied sincerely. You almost choked on air. You just chuckled nervously. The night was enjoyable, but the tension was undeniable. Later that night, you laid in your bed, cuddling your pillow, fantasizing of Choso.

Day 4 ✰

Choso had been watching you more intently, like a Hawk, almost, it made you concerned.. But later you eventually forgot about it, until Choso came up to you and he said this.. "You look really nice today.." Choso said, avoiding your gaze. You hummed in response, smiling and then saying "Ah, so that's why you couldn't keep your pretty eyes off of me?" You replied, smirking and leaning in, both yours and Choso's body mere inches apart, Choso's breath hitting on your skin and tickling your skin accidentally which made you shiver. You reluctantly leaned back and Choso cleared his throat "I should go to my room." Choso said nervously as he walked back to his room. You just chuckled at his nervousness, your heart beating in anticipation. You felt desired to be with Choso, no, infact you NEEDED to be with that man. Choso kept his eye on you for the past day, he interacted with you and helped you out with chores, being a good roomate.

Later, you were writing in your diary about Choso.. And uh, you had a phase where you liked one of your friends, and you wrote about it several times in your diary, and it was this year too. You groaned in frustration and giggled "What was I doing? How did I even like that person?" You said under your breath, closing your diary and placing it on your bedside table, before switching your bed side lamp off. You put your phone off, and got under the silky, soft warm covers of your bed, letting out a hum of satisfaction and comfort as you drifted into deep slumber. The faint sounds of owls and the leaves of the trees outside brushing against each other. It was calming, really calming.

Day 5: the final day ᥫ᭡

Choso had found your diary while you were out on a walk, but instead of him finding the stuff you wrote about him, where you said how much you loved him, unfortunately, he found the the notes about the other crush of yours, which, he was unaware that you didn't like any more. He was hurt, angry and confused, who was this person? Who is this friend? Are you trying to replace Choso? Or.. Is Choso a replacement for this crush because they didn't like you back? Does Choso mean anything to you? Do you even love him? Choso thought to himself, he cursed himself internally for being so affected by a diary, a mere diary. But he was going to confront you, and little did you both know, it'd get really messy. I mean, because it was YOUR diary and YOUR emotions, it was YOUR privacy that needed to be respected.

When you came back, you closed the door leading to your shared dorm room with Choso, but then when you fully turned around, a book was thrown at you, you yelped and just managed to catch it before it hit you in the face. You saw it was your diary.. "What the hell!?" You exclaimed..

"I could say the same thing, who's that person in your book that you like?" Choso replied. "Oh my friend? I don't like them anymore." You replied calmly. "Uh huh, just a friend, yknow what? Your not Adrien from that miraculous ladybug show or whatever. And I'm not dumb. Get out of here with your bullshit." Choso said coldly as he scowled. "The hell you scowling for? Are you a dog or some typa animal? Because your hair looks like a porcupine. Anyway, why are you so touched? You can't be THAT insecure, gosh." You said with a smirk, holding back from slapping the shit outta this emo ass mf. "Do you still like that low life friend of yours? Be honest." Choso asked through gritted teeth, his fists clenched to his side, and his knuckles turning white. "No." You replied truthfully..

"Bullshit!" Choso shouted furiously. "I'm telling the truth." You replied. "Oh yeah? Who do you like then?" Choso asked, clearly pissed off. "I like you Choso, no I love you, I loved you since we met in kindergarten, I love every second we spend together. I love every time you look at me. Everytime we speak." You admitted.. And Choso, his eyes were wide, fists unclenched, shocked, genuinely surprised and caught off guard, he was speechless. But.. He was happy. You just walked away, he wanted to stop you and tell you how he felt, but he couldn't move or even speak.. He was so overwhelmed and watched as the door to your room shut close as you entered your room, your diary at Choso's feet. He looked down, a pang of guilt hitting him like a ton of bricks.

Later that night.

Choso entered your room and sat on the edge of your bed, you sat up and looked at him, he held you close, you were now in Choso's arms. His arms wrapped around your waist and yours wrapped around his neck, confused. He took his hands off of you and got you on his lap, you were straddling his lap, your face mere inches away from his. Your breath hitched.

"I love you, Y/N. I always have, I didn't say anything because I'm scared of rejection. You are my world. No one ever made me feel so loved, you bright up my world. You are like food and water in my life, I need you, without you, I cannot survive. You shine bright like a star.. I love the way your always so kind and thoughtful, your playful jabs you throw at me. You are stunning, I don't care about looks. I always go for a good heart instead of good looks, but, you have both. I am more than blessed to have you, I sincerely apologize for my actions earlier, yes, I am insecure. I want you to be mine.. And only if you want, I only want what's best for you, I am happy if you are. I will protect and cherish you." Choso said genuinely, his gaze filled with love and admiration for you. You closed your eyes and leaned in, kissing Choso, both you and Choso's soft lips dancing together, a passionate dance, full of genuine love, your arms wrapped around his neck, leaning into him, his hands gripping your hips, you pulled back and smiled "I love you Choso.. I always will love you." You said, getting slightly emotional, you were the happiest human alive. "I love you too, y/n." Choso said with a small smile, blushing as he looked up at you, the way you straddled his lap, his eyes twinkled.

The end.

✩.･*:｡≻───── ⋆♡⋆ ─────.•*:｡✩

(Edit: It's 5am rn and I'm tired, so I'm genuinely sorry if there's mistakes, but yeah, I hope y'all enjoyed, good night my lovely people, have a good night/day ᥫ᭡)

[chorodevotee]

The Matsu's preferred weapons (Medieval AU)

There's a Hesokuri Wars set about this exact topic. I wanted to share my thoughts on it!

Osomatsu

Osomatsu is the one you'd expect to have a normal sword by default. I mean, why wouldn't he? He doesn't come across as the kind of person who'd be too strategic or picky about his weapon of choice. As long as he gets to do stuff, he'll roll with whatever!

So... the staff gave him a lance. And, you know what? There's really nothing wrong with that. It's different from the usual "Osomatsu gets the basic option" trope that HW had going on. It looks cool and it makes sense that he would use a weapon like that, but... Come on.

Osomatsu is a simple man. I think a standard sword is perfect for him. He can even have a shield, too. As a treat.

Besides, I have my reasons (it's only one) to give the lance to someone else.

Karamatsu

As for Karamatsu… Yeah, the long sword is perfect for him. Completely agreed with the (kinda? Is HW canon?) canon choice. Of course he'd use something big and eye-catching. Maybe he'd even try to customize the damn thing. Make it sparkly or have his name inscribed into the sword's metal.

Alternatively, I think double swords would also be a great choice for him. He'd get to do some sick poses with his swords while he fights. Surely he'd use some convoluted fighting style that looks like a dance; exaggerated, but deadly... Or, at least, he thinks it looks like that.

Also: Two swords, he's the second son… Yeah. It checks out.

Choromatsu

Remember the lance? Yes, the one I mentioned like 10 seconds ago. I just happened to have the perfect excuse to hand the thing to Choromatsu.

You see, the name "Choromatsu" comes from the japanese onomatopoeia "choro-choro." It apparently means "the way children and small things move around quickly". Can you already see where I'm going with this?

I can just picture this 5'3 king, ramming into battle with a pointy, sharp lance. I'm pretty sure running away from his problems is Choromatsu's favorite thing to do, so he'll have no problem using this weapon since it involves a lot of running!

I can also see him using a bow, which is as much, if not more, of a classic weapon than the lance itself. But let's face it, Choromatsu with a lance is way cooler (and it's unique and meaningful, too).

Ichimatsu

A crossbow is an interesting choice for a person like Ichimatsu, who is often portrayed as someone of very low energy. I like it, yes… But consider, whatever the hell is this:

Ichimatsu can be lazy sometimes… But not when it comes to violence, I think. Is this anything? I'm pretty sure he'd enjoy the absolute carnage that comes with using a weapon like this.

Jyushimatsu (no way, there's no yellow?! I'm sorry, Jyushi!)

The HW staff gave this man an axe. A giant one at that. He is an absolute unit and I can totally respect that, I love me a good axe representation, but… It seems a bit out of character to me. Am I the only one?

Jyushi can be violent, yes… But an axe? That feels excessive. Also, I just don't understand how the staff missed the opportunity to give him something like this:

Look at it. Now, look me in the eyes and tell me it doesn't resemble a baseball bat even JUST a little bit.

This was the obvious choice for him, so why did they not give him a [whatever the hell this thing is called]?

Perhaps it was too gruesome? I mean, it can't possibly be more gruesome than an axe, right? Also, this would have made for a excellent visual gag. It would have been perfect! Oh, how it hurts to have such big brain that only has objectively correct ideas!

Todomatsu

Finally… Totty. Oh, Totty. What a sneaky little rat you are.

I'll admit that a shield with spikes is an amazing choice for him. The thing is heart-shaped! Very cute. Very cute, Totty… While the combo of a sword and a shield is an absolute classic and doesn't look bad on him at all, I must say…

Let's give this man a dagger and see what happens.

"Ah! Oh, no, I've fallen!" Todomatsu whines, curled up on the ground of the battlefield. With fat tears in his eyes, he tries to shield his body with his arms. "And I don't have a weapon, oh! Whatever shall I do!"

And then, when somebody approaches… BOOM. 37 STAB WOUNDS IN FIVE SECONDS. YOU'RE DONE, BABE.

He'd be an absolute menace with a dagger. Maybe the staff knew this. Maybe it IS for the best that he doesn't have a dagger.

[foxes-that-run]

Delicate

"Delicate is really a song about the switching back and forth between feeling confident enough to have somebody like you back and then feeling insecure, deeply deeply insecure, that no one would ever like you back and you go back and forth between that emotion the entire song." - Taylor in the BTS

To me, she is saying Delicate is the insecure side to Slut!'s confidence. The video has several references to Harry Styles.

"The entire video has this overarching narrative of this girl is past a magical note from the person she would love to meet up with later that turns her invisible and she's able to sneak out of this event and go meet up with him all the while being completely invisible."

People, she can't make it clearer who this is about. The man who hands the note is dressed like Harry at the 2013 VMAs when she also wore a navy dress when they were seen texting each other (notes). In the BTS we can see more of him - a dark haired male celebrity (also talking to press) in a patterned suit. I know someone that fits that bill. This post is about Ed’s inspiration for Tenerife sea that same night.

In the BTS (1:10) in the scene where she reads the note she says:

So I am reading the note and I am kind of happy, but then sad because I realise I can't be him.. and you know.

The statues behind Taylor reference Harry's Gucci and Grateful Dead Rings.

And Harry referenced the song title in Little Freak lyrics and video for the As it Was and Daylight videos.

The film clip includes 'Joe's diner' in the street, like Ready for it...? in the Ready for it BTS she isn't sweet when highlights that it's pointed and sassy.

When was it made

Taylor wore the outfit in the Making of the Song on 17 January 2016 in La.

Lyrics

[Intro] This ain't for the best My reputation's never been worse, so You must like me for me We can't make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink

A theme of the album is taking back power from drama. The muse is someone TS sees as there for her. Anti-hero is an interesting continuation of this feeling. It is sad to think that now she has an even higher level of fame this feeling may be harder to grasp.

The line about promises is interesting, by September 2016 Taylor was a single 28 year old who could (and did) make promises to YB. It could refer to prioritising her career over personal life. The promises may be able to make because it refers to the Gorgeous, I did Something Bad & High Infidelity timeline, around April 29, 2016, when HS was launching a solo career and TS was with CH.

[Verse 1] Dive bar on the East Side, where you at? Phone lights up my nightstand in the black Come here, you can meet me in the back Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you Oh, damn, never seen that color blue Just think of the fun things we could do

In Wish you Would and other 1989 songs Taylor talks about late night texts and meet ups. HS was also in New York a lot and wore skinny dark jeans for what seemed like all of 2016.

To me, "oh damn, never seen that color blue" is referring to the depression she was experiencing. In the MV Taylor wears a deep blue dress, she was in a deep depression and connecting with this muse helped her through. Taylor again refers to blue as depression in many songs throughout her discography.

Sometimes when you sleep at night I wonder if .... Sometimes I look in your eyes and pretend your mine I do it all the time Is it cool that I said all that.... Sometimes I wonder when you sleep are you dreaming of being with me... do you ever dream of me

References to dreaming of each other is a theme in the 1989 songs. In 2016 HS and TS were not together, it seems from other songs of this period they met, which makes sense for the line of pretending they are together all the time, whereas YB was single and could and would be with TS.

[Chorus] Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate (Delicate) Is it cool that I said all that? Is it too soon to do this yet? 'Cause I know that it's delicate

The Chorus perfectly captures having a tentative conversation about one’s desire. A lack of communication is a strong theme in TS/HS songs about each other. The chorus acknowledges that they have a history and being romantic is delicate they have hurt each other before. Other songs that refer to not communicating are Two Ghost’s, Maroon, the 1, satellite, and more.

Many songs from HS and TS describe that they cannot get the other out of their head/move on.

[Verse 2] Third floor on the West Side, me and you Handsome, you're a mansion with a view Do the girls back home touch you like I do? Long night with your hands up in my hair Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share

HS bought an apartment on the 3rd floor on the west side while TS was making Reputation. Taylor’s is on the 5th floor. Joe did not live in New York.

Wildest Dreams has a similar lyric: His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room.

[Bridge] Sometimes, I wonder, when you sleep Are you ever dreaming of me? Sometimes, when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine all the damn time

A lot of TS's songs about HS refer to dreams:

Blank Space: 'Cause darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Style: You’ve got that James Dean daydream look in your eye

Wildest Dreams: Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams

This Love: In silent screams, in wildest dreams, I never dreamed of this

…Ready For It?: In the middle of the night, in my dreams

Gold Rush: I can’t dare to dream about you anymore

Snow On The Beach: Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful

Hits Different: Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief

But wait there's still more times Taylor has linked Delicate to Harry:

The Era's visuals are Styles

When she introduced it in Dallas on the Reputation Tour she linked it to being called names (like Slut!) perhaps.

And the Vertical Video was released for their anniversary 20 May in 2018, people even commented how random that was as it had been out for ages.

[number-0-iz]

Live thoughts of Bridgerton

Season 3, episode 1

Colin getting dressed in the carriage lmao

He is definitely better looking but I still don't think he's all that hot. Sorry not sorry. Maybe I'll change my mind.

Ah yes big ass feathers

SIGN LANGUAGE CHARACTER YES.

I love that. I don't speak ASL (also mainly cause English isn't my first language) but it is so cool.

The queen be bored lmao.

Charlotte as fierce as ever.

SINCE WHEN IS ELOISE INVOLVED WITH SEASONAL STYLES?

Me the whole time Fran was walking: don't fall don't fall don't fall

WHAT'S WRONG

Player Colin is...a little weird lma

ANOTHER ONE OF PEN'S SISTER FOUND A HUSBAND OH I'M SO HAPPY FOR HER.

NOW IT'S PEN'S TURN!

Oh shit the sister doesn't seem to like him 😭

Rip aunt Petunia, she seemed cool.

Oh u feel like the truth from last season will come out about the Featheringtons.

ELOISE SEEING PEN ELOISE SEEING PEN

Ugh friendship with Cressida? Eloise?

This is probably why she suddenly keeps up with seasonal styles?

God I hope they didn't change her too much or that she didn't lose herself.

I am not even 15 minutes in.

At least Violet seems to know something is up with Eloise.

"Tender young ladies." 😭

Damn all of the flirting jesus

CRESSIDA'S MOTHER IS SUCH A BITCH

Damn Portia has it all planned out huh

PEN AND COLIN MEET UP OOP

OOH HOW SHARP

I too would take a deep breath like that if I had to share a carriage with Portia

I AM A SUCKER FOR BOWS

"NO! Outside. Where our mother can't see." He says with a grin.

Lmao I love this man.

ELOISE IS READING EMMA

Please don't tell me Eloise has given up on being keen to learn and intellectual and a feminist

Because if she has, I will throw my phone at the wall.

"I lost the battle and I have no appetite for the war. I've joined the winning side."

So you mean to tell me that you have truly given up on your principles Eloise?

I wish Eloise would listen to Pen and they would be friends again.

"She was a very cold lady."

"She is colder now, I'm afraid."

AYE YO WHAT THE FUCK 😭

That was so savage.

Please let Mondrich and his family get a lot of cash as an inheritance.

A TITLE GOR MONDRICH'S SON?!

THIS IS EVEN BETTER 😭

They deserve it

NEWTON COCKBLOCKING KANTHONY LMAO

Aww their hands.

Ah another fantastic ball of Lady Danbury.

Oh Kate looks beautiful!!

PRETTY PEN IN A PRETTY DRESS

Aww Mr. Finch is so proud of his sister in law. Greenest flag.

UGH NOT A CONTESSA

I got distracted by Instagram reels when I went to look for the playlist of classical music covers used in the new season.

OH PEN US SO AWKWARD MY SWEETIE

Oh awkward Eloise

Ugh rude men

KANTHONY DANCE

PEN AND FRAN FRIENDSHIP

Oh Debling seems interesting.

NOT CRESSIDA STANDING ON PEN'S PRETTY DRESS! WHAT A BITCH.

And Eloise tried to apologise and Pen ran away 😭

OH THE SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW

"I overheard you." OOOOH

OH MIGHT THE FEATHERINGTONS LOSE EVERYTHING.

Cressida is a bitch. Eloise should not approve and be angry.

Oh sensitive Cressida? Damn.

How did I only now notice that Kate is left handed lol

COLIN VISITS

"BUT FRIENDS DON'T LOOK AT EACH ITHER THE WAY YOU DO."

Oh no not Penelope's scathing Whistledown letter

This'll be bad

GO MONDRICH FAM

Footman: Lord Kent. *proceeds to bow* welcome to your new home.

The kid: aye yo what the fuck

"I will never forgive her." Oh Colin if only you knew.

Well that was quite something! I really liked this episode if I am being honest! God I already wanna turn back to my season 2 Bridgerton AU with my OC that I made a few years ago but never posted. Am I going to watch episode 2 rn? Yes because I cannot wait. Will I leave yet another long reaction list like this one? Probably not cause I want to get a handle on my phone usage. But maybe another time! Until then!

[grimalkinmessor]

What quirks do you think L and Light would have?

Interesting question!

I have two ideas for each of them, mostly because there's ones I like for the symbolism and ones I like for practicality.

For Light, either way, he lies about his Quirk. He tells everyone that he has a mild intelligence Quirk and everyone believes him because he's a little Mr. Smarty Pants. But for practicality purposes (Kira purposes) I wanted him to have a light manipulation Quirk—shadows included—but Darklina style. He can use blades of darkness to cut people in half or shoot balls of literal sunlight out of his palms that will melt your damn face off, it's cool as hell.

BUT for symbolic purposes I like Light as shapeshifter. It's a mirroring capability—he can't become anything he hasn't seen before, but his Quirk would take care of the details. Scars, hair color, freckles, you name it and he's got it right down to their toenails without even talking to them. He can also, much like Loki, become a female version of himself. You will tear bigender Light from my cold dead hands.

L's Quirk, for obvious practical reasons, would be technopathy. He's literally got eighty internet tabs running in his brain at any given time and at this point he's forgotten where the music's coming from. The only people who rival his technological skills are Matt and Light—though he only knows about one of those :) The downside is that he can't turn it off, so electronics tend to react to his emotions. It gives him away a lot even when he's completely blankfaced.

On a SYMBOLIC note, however, his Quirk would be power absorption/mimicry. You throw an attack at L you better be damn well ready to counter him throwing it right back at you, and far better than you just did. Unlike Monoma's or AFO's Quirk, he can't absorb someone's Quirk through touch—it has to be a physical manifestation of the Quirk, i.e. lasers, flames, ice shards, etc. etc.

[poobletoods]

tsb is on my mind today so im looking through a vid of the concept art and holy shit i forgot how good it is

every version of lafcadio looks so done with my shit. im sorry if ive offended you sir i love you that first one im choosing to accept as what he looked like when he was younger

the owl mask is SO good... full wise old man mode... im not sure what the concept behind that third one is, maybe a piece of glass or a chunk of post-fire rubble? and the middle one is just so fucking angy hes doing the arthur fist

also another instance of concept versions being SO long and spindly. it's a REALLY really fun art style but i am glad they all got a little chunkier, it really helps the readability from afar and the general cartoonishness of the style

concept art reggie is certainly something. his ass can NOT see

this version of clay is killing me who IS this man

oh fuck here he comes

trinity of course serving cunt in any form

her ass also cannot see but for reasons unrelated to outfit choices

godddd we couldve had a willow that kicked ass and took names.... she couldve LOOKED cool in addition to just BEING cool

also sad that she lost the curly hair

i think thats some kind of incense burner shes holding in some of these but for a second i DID think she just had a fucking gun

tequila im so happy with where you ended up you started out as a fucking nerd im sorry

beta grey also Could Not Fucking See and that long skinny version of him haunts me i forgot that existed

also he is in fact labeled "lightfingered locksmith" in this art which made me realize they took off the "ed" because of a character limit. it just wouldn't have fucking fit in the title card.

THERES MY BOY and he is looking BUSTED in that first image holy shit wheres the MEAT wheres the MUSCLE!!!!

that first mask is WILD i kinda love it the second one looks like a silly jack o lantern tho

i like to think lucas gave him a scary spooky mask because hes too nice to actually start shit. gotta max out this sap's intimidation.

love that aurum barely changed aside from mask design. they said first thought best thought and they were right. i love him so damn much

they gave him eye holes out of courtesy, very kind of them

also realizing i'm gonna have to draw this bitch's chair in the near future why did it have to be so intricateeeeee

motherfucker himself. i love the sketches in the corner he's a shitty little bird doing his shitty little jojo poses

glad he got the wing cape back too that is an ESSENTIAL part of the phoenix motif

god ellie is so fucking CUTE

interesting to see how titles changed as well, maybe she and lucas were originally just engaged and not married?

i love how many initial designs were just Long

the portraits are all so gooooood i love all these funny guys :)

[keystone8379]

Frame Imperfect

Regarding Kirby Fighters 2, when the game was relatively new, many YouTubers were trying to cash in on the new "kirby smash bros" hype. During this period I remember Mew2King coming into the KF2 server with interest in running a tournament for the game.

Wow! I couldn't believe this! Mew2King from funny YouTube compilations and competitive Super Smash Bros Melee (I had watched very little melee at that point, except for EmpLemon's There Will Never Be Another Melee Player Like HungryBox) was interested in our super cool Kirby game? Awesome!

At this point the game had garnered a rep as a pretty unserious competitive game, with many fake infinites being discovered and one real one as well. There was also Alpharad's video on the game that made it look...unflattering. It was unflattering for reasons other than just being a 'smash clone' but we didn't know why exactly yet. This was before 20XX, the first real KF2 tournament, for reference.

But Mew2King wanted to take a chance on us! He believed in our game and wanted to take a chance on a new, unique, exciting platform fighter! We were starstruck, plain and simple.

Which is why when M2K suggested MOBA style character bans everyone just kinda went with it????

Keep in mind this was before the first tourney, we didn't know shit about fuck, as fish would say.

They didn't go through with this.

So fast forward a couple months, and KF2's first appearance at Frame Perfect Series is upon us. As you'd expect, the community is really excited! This was one of the biggest brackets the community had ever seen, with a bunch of new faces! Mostly people we'd never see again but it was exciting at the time.

As for the commentator's bench, we were looking at M2K, who knew nothing about the game but was on comms for every game so whatever...and in the KF2 corner...Super Citrus. Who hadn't commentated an even since 20XX. Oh god. M2K was sprouting nonstop nonsense and Citrus just didn't have the game knowledge or confidence to debunk any of it. The VODs were a little painful to watch. Poor guy.

So FPS doesn't make the game look...great. It wasn't help that M2K was ridiculing the players he determined were 'lame' and I mean I don't like Ninja11 or Poyo but come the fuck on man. Commentary basics here. I could do a better job.

But what if I could actually? When FPS 4 was announced, we learned that KF2 would be making a return for it. I was more involved in the community at this point with one tournament under my belt (...which was New Generation) and did 2 major things for this FPS. Firstly, early on, KF2 wasn't looking great in the entrant count side of things. So, I got in touch with some of the folks in tourney committee and we talked about running a tourney where top 8 would get free entry to FPS4.

And this is where we talk about the unsung hero of this story, Thank You motherfucking Domo. When sponsoring Road to FPS, Domo offered to handle the free entry of anyone who we couldn't get people to pay for a gift sub for. In later Road to FPS events, he flat out offered to give any KF2 players free entry because he liked the game...and it makes for better content obviously but still. What a god damn legend. Rest in Power. (he lost his account in a phishing scam)

I realize that came off as kinda sarcastic but I was genuinely upset when his account got hacked. Shit sucks, I don't want to hear about phishing scams from Bool ever again.

OH, speaking of Domo, second major thing I did was apply for commentary! I had more tourneys and more experience under my belt at that point and I felt pretty confident all things considered! So I sent domo a few videos of my comms work, including a video where I have to make Bell look like a well designed interactive character for 30 minutes.

I didn't end up getting picked, but I thought to myself "well as long as it's not Citrus again we should be fine." lol. lmao. This time we did actually have a bit of time to give Cirtus a crash course in the current KF2 environment but it still wasn't great. In fact, it was maybe the worst video game commentary I'd ever seen.

For a long time, P47 had been seemingly untouchable. He was a KF2 expert, his Magolor inspired me to pick up the character fully, he was a lorehead, and a great guy to be around. The clip of him using Ultra Sword to push Nuggetz off a platform into an apple explosion is absolutely as iconic as it deserves to be. This was P47's last big tournament.

Now, remember how I said Mew2King was an asshole to anyone who he deemed lame. M2K was a Marth player in Melee by the way, I don't know if that's considered a lame character but I hope he is. P47 received the full force of this with constant hate from M2K's live chat, not to mention that Citrus also wasn't a Magolor fan. I'm not quite sure how bad it was exactly, but it was bad enough to lead to him quitting the game. Looking back on it, the whole situation is infuriating to me.

That was Citrus' last time commentating FPS, when FPS5 rolled around we had gotten Winters on comms, who was easily the most consistent commentator we had and also the person...you know...keeping the game alive. She was able to debunk a lot of M2K's bullshit and also was able to tell him that P47 quit because of M2K being an asshole last FPS. I don't think I ever told her how much I appreciated that.

Good time to mention that Mew2King also used he/him for EVERYONE. It led to me making this stupid fucking image.

But it gets worse. Of course it always gets worse. In top 8, Ninja11, one of my least favourite top players, was up against SoothingRuby, one of my favourite top players. Ninja11 kinda hates everyone in the community and Ruby hates people who are Like That so as you can expect these 2 get along great. This was reflected in the set between them.

It was a lot of this. Ruby would throw Kunai and Ninja would just crouch them. This matchup isn't even that bad for Magolor, I thinkj Mag wins it, Ninja's just an asshole. He ended up winning the set, of course he did. Great time was had by all, especially the twitch chat and M2K, who both already hated the game. Yikes.

So this brings us to FPS6, the final Frame Perfect event. Messages from M2K implied that Metafy, the main reason the tournament was being run, was on it's way out, but not before M2K was doing sketchy things in his own time.

Turns out Metafy still exists. Not sure what he was talking about with the whole final sale thing. Maybe it's an MLM thing. (Multi Level Marketing) Was I not supposed to think the platform was closing?

So the tourney rolls around on, of all days, the 4th of July. As a Canadian I don't give a shit, but as you can imagine, most people were not available. Zet ended up winning the whole thing. However there is one potentially sketchy set in there.

Somehow, before bracket, Qwertz had performed a coup d'etat and became TO of the bracket despite being on the other side of the globe. The actual TO didn't wake up in time, and all Qwertz used his power to do was changing the timeslot without communicating.

Then, when Zet "applied a taco to his router" (thank you Justin for giving my posts the rawest fucking quotes) Qwertz just said to play it out, though everyone knew this was mostly just because Qwertz didn't like Justin. Why do we let this man near any administrative privileges.

The stream also ended with Winters having to tell chat to have a happy 4th of july. She is a trans lesbian.

And that was the last FPS event. By the time the 3rd KF2 tournament had rolled around, we already knew M2K was doing more harm than good, but no one had the guts to tell him off. I think we were worried that he'd just run the game like a dumbass if we didn't stick around. To be fair, it happened with Kloudchasers.

So what's the moral of the story? Never meet your heroes? No, that's what we learned from Chuggaaconroy. Is Mew2King even my hero? Never meet a competitive Smash player is what we learned here. Though hopefully you all already knew that.

[ruelin024]

I wanna have opinions so uh, what do you think of my SacredFell AU? (So far anyway haha)

Hello, my mutual compadre, @littleyukki5033 , I have traveled down to the depths of your blog and will now commence judgment.

Kehehehe. ψ(｀∇´)ψ

[Gonna be long, I like/wanted to try making my responses worthwhile and attentive, to show you I went in on your AU and posts.]

(And you can laugh at me or with me on this, but I may not be the best at giving opinions, 😖 I think. Just know I'm typing this with my miniscule overthinkin’ brain and hurt wrist.)

START!

Feb 4: Don’t be afraid to post your AU and talk about it, beautiful or not, unique or not, complicated or not, similar or not, cringe or not, demented or not, eh or not. 

Share your mind, you’ll find people who share it with you. And if you get hate, show them San’s ass or something. It tells others how nonexistent they are to you. (though I’ve seen someone draw Sans very beautifully thicc, we will keep in mind he is bones, which we indeed simp for). 

Observe Exhibit A:

(I found this silly image saved on my desktop, so I thought it'd be cool to share it with you.)

So never let a negative comment change your love and view of your au and undertale. 

Undertale is amazing, it’s good to ramble, even if others don’t talk about it, even if you’ll never get reciprocated. There’s other people there reading it, like me sometimes I read and forget to heart, or I don’t heart a post because I don’t wanna bombard their notifications and all that. 

Yes, post your art, even if you’ve got no idea what to post, doodle, ask for ideas, or even take a break. I think it’s beautiful to share your mind’s eye. Show no fear, you’ve got this!

Everyone starts where you were once. 

Feb 12: Your Introduction of your own Underfell AU called SacredFell

I am interested. I am in fact one of many who are and will be interested for days to come, for as long as you build and love your AU, as it becomes whatever completion you dreamt of it to be, so on and so forth, even if one day you stop.

I’m finna be there bruh, late or on time.  

And imma let you know that right now as you reading this. You actually asked me first about your AU and lemme tell you, you beat me to it. I actually have fanart for you. AND was gonna find a time to ask you first.

(~(>_<。)＼ Usually I'm ready to send art cause I plan before hand, but someone used a wrist twist move on me for fun recently. ಥ_ಥ)

Anyway, moving forward.

Frisk and Chara of SacredFell: I enjoy teh designs. And me personally, I like Frisks design, the fact Frisk went through multiple design phases is nice to know. Would you ever show Frisk's previous designs?

Oof, you changed SacredFell Sans height from 5’2 to 6ft, damn what a stretch. And he part of the Royal Guard, whoa! 😆hotsome big skeleman.

Also, I love the art style of @/melikitinas, too. 💖

Feb 14: … ScaredFell Papyrus…. I-... 11ft height, yeah, we gonna need a height chart. I short, so they a fucking tree at this point, imagine Paps just bending at the waist towards a shorty like me, he’s gotta be prone on the ground or something. AND his fine ass a 2nd in Command Royal Guard, too. ○( ＾皿＾)っ AWWHEHESJDHWU ✨

Feb 21: LORE Ah, so the beginning is different, interesting. *reads through it with glasses* (I was recently working on my other OCs at the time as well :D.) 

Yukki sounds like a good character! And portaled? Oooooh, portaled, I wanna know backstory! 

Did Yukki not go through the ruins? She just collapsed in Snowdin? Was she unconscious the entire time she was taken to Asgore, up until Toriel saved her?

And usually humans, are strong, is Yukki weak due to something? (you don’t have to reveal too much lore unless you wanna) How much power does Yukki have? Why does it drain so quickly? 

Also, love Toriel, to save one instead of all, what a mother. Even if Yukki wasn’t her own, that was such a big sacrifice for the price of saving one child over freedom. I would love to see how you draw that part out.

And Toriel left Yukki behind the waterfalls, why not take Yukki with her? 

Why out of all the souls, Kindness was taken, would this serve as a significant plot point in the AU?

Would Yukki grow to harbor bad intent or negative emotions towards the monster or would she end up sacrificing herself after understanding the monster’s want for freedom, would she find another way, would she resort to genocide at some point(despite her being weak)? 

Would Toriel come in clutch next time Yukki is in grave danger? 

And what plans would Asgore have after he gets Toriel, I would’ve expected that he wanted Toriel dead, not with a bounty on her head to be returned ALIVE to his home. I'm probably just thinking to the extremes. 😂

I like this plot. I’d love to know how Frisk and Yukki will come together. And if within the one or two years, Yukki stayed with Sans and Papyrus, would the brothers falter when they need to get their jobs done for Asgore when the time comes? Would Sans and Papyrus eventually come to value Yukki as their own friend? Does Yukki know Sans and Papyrus are working to gain her trust to betray her in the end? 

Also is Toriel and Sans doing the knock knock joke through the gate in this AU too? What’s Toriel’s relationship with the characters so far? Within the time Yukki was living in the Underground, does she come to meet Toriel again?

Feb 23: YUKKI I agree Yukki is a main focal point in the beginning of this AU, I really like this. I can’t wait to see how you build this lore up. Would Toriel act again when Frisk comes? Would Toriel talk to Frisk about Yukki? How old is Yukki again? To me, Yukki looks like she has a strong presence, tongue sticking out, seems playful. ✨

Feb 27: Comic Heh. Middle school art is always nostalgic to look back on. I wish I still had some of mine. I threw most out due to the fact, I didn’t want physical evidence of my cringe art tying back to me, but looking back on it now. I was stupid and paranoid. 

Now cringe art is one of my favorite art pieces to discover, it brings a certain emotion outta you, am I right? Yeaahh.  

Anyway, I admire you for sharing your old art and comic. 

An AU, especially when a creator is lovingly dedicated to it, can become hectic and mentally crowded and out of order, or as you say “all over the place.” Good luck on that journey, creating comlex stories is hard! I was overwhelmed by my own ideas and burned out at some point and stopped entirely. You make me wanna go back to my little world.

And Yukki and SacredFell Sans look like they get along noicely. yukki hand on her hip, confidence and power ✨👌 makin' Sansy sweat.

Mar 7: Yay Toriel Character Sheet Me like tall woman. She taller than Sans, haha. I gotta learn how to draw a goat at some point. And she looks good in my opinion. Do SOUL Protectors gain power from the souls? Wouldn't they accidentally at some point absorb the soul? Has any of the protectors even thought of doing that? Doesn't the barrier need one monster soul and one human soul to break the barrier, or is that different in this AU?

Mar 11: Another comic redraw, SacredFell Asgore WIP

Aw SacredFell Sans and Yukki smiling together, your old drawing of them is cute. ANd that’s a jump, good to know they're out of the underground. Hope you eventually find the right design for Yukki, that you’re gonna be satisfied with. I’m excited to find out how they got out of the underground, too.

What's the key on Sans? And the heart necklace on Yukki?

And yes, I think Tumblr does something with the quality of an image when posted, because compared to my computer view, my phone view of some posts are different a bit.

Yass, show off the Goat man. 

ANd I also saw your Avatar DTIYS, looks awesome! I love the coloring, shading, and perspective! 

Mar 15: Update Eh, it didn’t take a while for me to gather info on your AU, it was spread out a little yes, but not so much, for me the pacing was alright. 

Ah and the ask blogs, yeah I dunno how I’m doing this tbh. 

And a webtoon would be great! But I hear it’s a lot of work to put into it, take small steps, so you won’t stress or burn yourself out. But I would definitely read teh webtoon if you were to make one. 

Mar 16: SacredFell Undyne WIP I love Undyne, I just dunno how to draw her yet. Love the art! She pretty. 

Mar 16: SacredFell Flowey Flowey in a bag, hahahahaha. I like how annoyed he looks in the drawing.  

Mar 17: SacredFell Monster Kid Another main character, you developing a lot of lore right now I bet. I wonder how MK will play out in your AU. 

Mar 18,22 : It’s UNDYNE >.< Fangirling. Another Tall strong woman. And missing parents during gaster’s disappearance, is this what I think it is, a lore hint?!?!   

Mar 23: Alphys Alphys is gonna be somewhat of a sly character in the plot huh, wow! And she fights, you gotta make art of that at some point! Alphys having bravery is interesting! 

Pfft, you spelled “Bavery” I didn’t even notice until you mentioned it. 

Mar 23: Gaster I love how you drew Sans and Papyrus in at Gaster’s “You’re in Trouble” expression.

And me like the tinted glasses as well.

Mar 24: Mettaton! He a Bravery SOUL Decoy! Was that Alphy’s idea to make him like that? Is he famous in the underground as well? He’s a looker. And he got four arms! Yuuusss! 

Mar 26?: Muffet Indeed a 5’7 lady spider is a cutie patootie, the arms are good, multiple is betta. Good design!  And she is also part of the Royal Guard, what will the fight be like? I’m curious! 

Mar 26?: That Sacredfell Mini Comic/Story was nicely put together! The end where SacredFell Sans responds with, “I don’t know.” I enjoyed reading this conversation! And Undyne in her royal armor MWUAH!  

So from all this, hopefully I did something good for you, most are just questions and comments, but I hope it served as an answer. *ahem*

A new character was added. [Yukki] = Will lead to more plot. *Check*

There’s a different backstory before the arrival of Frisk. *Check*

Toriel makes an act against Asgore before leaving, Asgore ordering Sans and papyrus to gain Yukki’s trust until the “time” comes = Complicated relationships *Check* 

I can fangirl, which means I can simp, which means, I’m invested. ✨ *CHECK CHECK CHECK*

The concept is really good! (The fact Asgore would entrust the souls to another and make them SOUL Protectors, and you still fight Alphys even in the pacifist route, and I sense "things" though not sure what, but it makes me look forward to your lore.) *ChecK* 

It’s a Fell type Universe. (I love Underfell) *CHECK* 

The art is noice!!!! *CHecK* 

I find interest in how characters will interact or encounter each other. *Check* 

I can see the work put into this AU! I see their dedication based from the dates you posted things about your AU. I really look forward to seeing how you continue to develop and make art for your SacredFell AU! With what you’ve shown at this time, I can happily tell you, for me this AU is interesting, there’s potential in many areas, character development, choice of dialogue, different relationship dynamics, personality, world building, plot changes, etc.

I wish I had more to say, I think most of my response here sounded... I think repetitive, maybe some questions were even answered already and I didn't catch it? Though hopefully I conveyed to you that I think you're doing well for what've you've shown thus far!

That's my grand opinion. 😁✨

Also, I found you through graphictale au. 💕💖👌✨

😙 Both ya'll wonderful.

[tonydaddingham]

orwellian's a great word for it actually. "appropriate raiments will be provided" is the most disturbing thing in the whole series and i stand by that. this interpretation of heaven has definitely coloured my reading of the show especially how i see the fall so it's cool to see someone who agrees!

hard agree that pure coercion would be a total cop out. it's just that he does seem nervous so i do think he's aware of a certain degree of potential danger. i initially thought the metatron must have let slip an implication somewhere but i much prefer your idea that he suspected something. and well. i've been saying basically since season 2 came out that accepting the offer doesn't equal having completely fallen for it. will come back to that in my thoughts on the whole mess that was that domestic.

the blanket permission to come scream at you is greatly appreciated and i'll definitely make use of it; i love this kind of media dissection and speculation. 🦭

(p.s. i did indeed end up making the chekov's list since my ocd never can leave well enough alone lol. brace yourself: incoming!)

hihi again, 🦭 anon!!!✨

yes!!! in the context of 1984, especially, that line really is ominous; obviously there is a fine line between a corporate uniform and dictated dress, especially as the only scene where we see all of the angels look the same (iirc) is the waiting platoon in s1. otherwise, all of the angels do have individual dress/style (but similar enough to show belonging), even in the job scene, even if certain elements of their designs indicate shared rank or moral alignment... but the implication of subjugation made by clothes being specifically chosen for the prospective mind-wiped gabriel is... interesting.

and of course - aziraphale's outfit is very different to that of the other angels, in it being actual human clothing, and showing unashamed signs of wear and comfort. i remarked in a post that in job especially, his jobes (job robes) are very similar in aesthetic to that of michael and gabriel compared to say muriel's. could be that it's the appropriate dress of a principality rank, but im not... wholly convinced.

anyway, let's get on with your list!!! a herculean effort, truly!!! hope you don't mind, but a) ive copied and pasted it under the cut, because b) id love to use it as a checklist for myself (and of course if anyone else does!) re: things ive talked about, or indeed things that i have Thoughts on... or even things that i haven't thought to talk about and will probably look into doing so in the future!!!✨✨

episode 1:

starting with the big one there's the pre-fall sequence. the fall itself. talked a lot about these two things/the whole theme in general, found under the #the fall/the great war spec tag

maggie's spelling under the #we need to talk about maggie theory tag - babygirl is an angel, im convinced of it

"what's the point of it all" i mean, kinda talked about this in connection with stuff under the #god is dead theory tag, and in a couple of different asks; mainly that god doesn't give two hoots about any of it, and just wanted to give everyone and everything free will - and they have to work out the consequences for themselves (whilst she throws in a few chaotic sprinkles to keep things interesting)

shax's insider information about heaven ive definitely not discussed shax at all really, and i definitely have a few things id like to work out... main one being, for me, how she went from wondering where aziraphale was in ep3, to suddenly knowing how to exactly triangulate his position in ep4 finally talked about her in the #shax meta tag!!!

the demons being on half rations didn't really think to look at this!!! that could be interesting, especially with the short-staffed comment... someone did put to me that bc the apocalypse failed, everyone on earth continues dying and adding to the population of the Damned, so the work vs demon ration is steadily getting outweighed... but hm, could be something more than that!

"something terrible" because are we sure we're sure that that was about the stuff we've already seen you know, i wondered this too after ep6!!! it was a very interesting choice of words for me, bc whilst yes gabriel's fate was looking pretty shit, the line was almost a bit... well, over-announced? they kept repeating it? like, gabriel said he had to bring the box to aziraphale/the bookshop otherwise something terrible would happen... but why specifically the shop? is it just because aziraphale is the only angel/sanctuary on earth? is it because he was drawn to an angel that's also fallen for a demon? is it because aziraphale is simply kind? i don't trust that it's any of these explanations at all (or maybe all of them and another besides)... and tbh i think god has something to do with it. another speculation for the to-do list!!!

the book of life this one ive remarked on a fair bit under the #book of life theory tag, but it's fairly disjointed from other bits and pieces - tbh i probably need to do a long post at some point as to where all my theories etc join up... bc for the moment all of them are full of loopholes

michael and uriel's power politics oooooh i literally don't have a single scooby on this... id have to think on this a little more

the very highlighted matchbox quote this one ive had sat in the drafts for ages bc i can't quite parse it out - where does leviathan come into it? is it a reference to crowley-as-aziraphale spitting fire during the execution? why would it be on a matchbox of a bloody pub? is it a clue from god? is god linked to jim/gabriel somehow? gahd this one is still giving me a headache kinda? wrote about this - here, no tag for this specifically - and im still not fully satisfied that is the meaning of the matchbox but i think (hope) it might be somewhere near the mark?

1650 i speculated (or, well, dreamt up a hc) as to what this potential flashback could entail in a LWA response somewhere - in any case, give me the boys in cromwellian england and give it to me Now

the 25 lazarii miracle my batshit theory (and yet it makes complete sense to me, i stand by it) is in my #25 lazarii theory tag

episode 2:

heaven and hell working together as a single good cop bad cop system this is similarly stagnating in my drafts at the moment!!! but it's a bit of a mindbender for me bc it means i need to pick apart what everything thinks the job/satan bet was actually about... basically, i think it all comes back to understanding god's will - and all of them (yes, even crowley) have it wrong because imo god is completely amoral and is just the strongest advocate for free will... weirdly, i think the person that had the most right of it was gabriel.

"forces them under an awning together" god i hope this happens in s3... i mean there's no way it won't, right? and so many juicy possibilities (for my money itll be the bandstand, but equally would love, like, the stoop of the bookshop, and then have it mirrored again under like the porch of the south downs cottage) 🥺

gabriel's eyes glowing statements this tbh harks back to what i posted under the #25 lazarii theory tag - definitely something weird going on, and i have a gut feeling the boys accidentally made it even worse lmao

tricking heaven with a sleight of hand this is also going to require a bit more thought!!!

episode 3:

aziraphale's chekhov's diaries see im not sure how important i truly think theyre going to be, but if we go by the prominent influence of the crow road, it definitely has to be a s3 plot device, right? the only thing im scared of is that aziraphale's memory gets wiped, or he goes missing, and the books are key to getting back his memory/finding him... hmmm

crowley's consciousness extending into the bentley i think the crank is certainly important, even if just symbolic of his power - uses it to create nebulae, it survived the s1 explosion, etc. i do think bentley has its own kind of personality, but think it's borne out of proximity, use, and influence of her demon owner... obviously i could be entirely wrong, but i kinda hope it's more that he made her, and her allegiance as a sentient being is with him (and of course aziraphale by extension), mainly bc i want something to look after crowley... but then is it more poetic that the bentley is basically just him, and representative of him finding comfort in himself? idk tbh but she's a bad bitch and i love her

general resurrection themes ive talked a fair bit about the second coming aspect, but not about the resurrection and last judgement so much, so this is one for the list

gabriel's glowing eyes statements part 2 as above (and i realise that you might be talking about what he specifically says, not the general thing itself, 🦭 anon, but in a way what is being said is fairly self-explanatory imo, but why is the heftier question)

shax can sense gabriel in a way the archangels couldn't i personally don't think there's much by way of implication in the method in which she senses him (ie... smell? vs michael's weird sixth sense), but i do think there is something about the fact they can sense him at all... talked about in #25 lazarii spec and the #shax meta tag!!!

"it's always too late" oh god 💀 i had the most batshit theory about this that i don't even want to talk about BUT im with you that it's... an odd line. i love that it potentially references line in the book about crowley's watch being set to hell's time, which is set at "too late", but beyond that... not entirely sure why the line was said or said so... blatantly? feels like something obvious would explain it

rumours that aziraphale and crowley were an item that so far don't seem justified based on what hell knew. rumours that apparently had no major consequences for crowley despite one harmless photo warranting a legion to collect him [screams at 1941 truther sign] yeah this is how it read to me too, 🦭! something definitely happened after that dinner, and im not saying a move was made (and potentially witnessed by a couple of errant nazi zombies) but i think a move was made (and witnessed by a couple of errant nazi zombies) - #1941 spec tag

the literal chekhov's gun in the bookshop this one has flummoxed me, but i did read a speculation about continuing the 1941 flashback today, which was utter genius (and so much better than what i managed to dream up in the above tag), and suggested the derringer will make an appearance in a fight-ish scenario in that scene... which is frankly bloody inspired tbh, and im very much convinced by

the miracle blocker oooooh i don't have a dedicated tag for this but i definitely talked about it in a post under the #sanctuary/bentley theory tag!!! i think it was potentially a chekhov's gun that we didn't see get fired

sleight hand to trick hell probably one to look at in hand with the one above about tricking heaven

the zombies just running around london kinda as i said above tbh, not sure what'll happen to them afterwards but presumably a grisly end being eaten and pooped out by a spider

1941 full stop. we have not seen the last of that night. goddamn right we havent [skips around the 1941 truther sign]

episode 5:

the lack of demons available for the attack pretty much what i said above in ep1 about being short staffed bc the Damned population keeps increasing... maybe? still one to look at in more detail though!!!

"i know. do it anyway" "i know. looking at where the furniture isn't" not necessarily in reference to these quotes specifically, but in the general context - discussed this (and potential crowley memory loss) in the #the fall/the great war spec and #book of life theory tags

"if it happens twice it might seem like an institutional problem" oh. OH. THIRD EYE HAS OPENED. because we know two things, right? gabriel didnt fall/wasnt intended to, so the 'happens twice' isn't realised. and heaven does have an institutional problem, practically embodies the term. so if this is foreshadowing. does aziraphale fall. oh no. Oh No (ive sort of discussed this in #scapegoat theory tag but that was strictly pre-eden context...) this however has actually just made me realise that this is a chekhov's gun literally pointed at aziraphale's head... shitshitshitshitshjthka

mrs cheng's weird look across the street see this is on my list but waaaay down it. think she could be a demon. will work on it at some point edit: talked a little bit about this in the #shax meta tag, but possibly needs a dedicated post, idk

nina and maggie's semi immunity to miracles so the bit where aziraphale can't miracle them? that to me is potentially the same explanation as the miracle blocker post (like it all connects). maggie is more immune than normal to the ball miracle? see #we need to talk about maggie theory tag. as for nina... im still not sure on. idk if she's a demon (which for me is a Thought if we consider that hell are short-staffed; she could be one of Many) but it feels a little on the nose... one for the list edit: talked a little bit about nina in the #shax meta tag, but definitely needs a separate post at some point

shax saying the shop isn't an embassy anymore but the demons still unable to get in i didn't think of it from this angle, but i think my theory still stands - under the #sanctuary/bentley theory tag

nina and maggie's immunity to miracles part 2 oh oops - see above

episode 6:

maggie being able to invite the demons into the shop i think she's an angeeeeeeellllll (see #we need to talk about maggie tag)

the speed at which the portal opens and it's potential as a means of spying my latest galaxy brain moment (i hope) - #sanctuary/bentley theory tag

haloes and the potential consequences of blowing them up this one is in the #halo theory tag

crowley opening the files not quite sure what you mean by this one, 🦭!!! do you mean about his rank? definitely tried parsing this particular headscratcher in the #AWCW spec tag

heaven was trying to restart armageddon in a way that seems awfully unofficial oooooohhh.... haven't looked at it this way, but definitely will be!!! might link in with #god is dead theory stuff, but will need more exploring!!!

saraqael having their own agenda honestly saraqael is my newest bad bitch (gn) and if my #saraqael spec is even halfway true, im going to explode i love them

"i'm the only first order archangel in the universe" *camera cuts to crowley* kinda talk about this in the #AWCW spec tag but since neil cremated the lucifer theory (rip) ive kinda left this aspect alone... tbh i don't think he was as important as he's set out to have been

"i'm the only first order archangel in the universe" full stop. statement's plenty suspicious on its own too. this is....... potentially very intriguing

memory wiping as just a thing heaven does when someone disobeys i need to reconcile #book of life theory with this tbh - like, the focus on memory is so strong in s2 that i strongly believe it has connection to falling... at which point, where does gabriel demotion/mem wipe punishment fit in? and where does saraqael fit in, too?

muriel having the same kind of position gabriel was going to be demoted to vaguely looked at this in #book of life theory tag posts i think, especially in reference to how their potential punishments (in muriel's case) mirror each other

heaven and hell are technically at war now. its not like anyone with authority actually called it off danced around this in the #halo theory tag, in reference to aziraphale declaring this new war, and yet they've been at war for a long time? yes the reflection of it being a cold war but still... interesting to think about especially when framed like this

it's possible to remove your essence and store it elsewhere definitely need to explore the possibilities and implications of this at some point, but the suggestion i made in the #25 lazarii theory post somewhat starts to look at this

hell is understaffed as already mentioned above

the shax furfur alliance not quite sure what to think about this, and whether it necessarily means anything more than it's put across (ie just that they are the danger duo of hell in s3?) idk tbh i just need to look at them both as individual characters a bit more first #shax meta tag!!!

the many strange things that could indicate something going on in the last fifteen minutes god.... just anything in the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tag tbh

"does anyone ever ask for death" idk whether or not to take this as meaning anything deeper than metatron just idly thinking "hmmm aziraphale could refuse my coffee, refuse a chat... at which point ill probably need to destroy him etc. hey, i wonder if anyone - instead of coffee - has ever actually asked for death? funny name for a coffee shop"... and possibly a double meaning meant by Nina saying 'everything else was taken'?

saraqael being the only one other than crowley who recognises the metatron and their reaction well theres my school of thought that saraqael is potentially closer to metatron that we maybe thought (#saraqael spec tag), but then again - and this exact sentence just reminded me - i think in this particular instance, both saraqael and crowley have just come fresh from watching the trial, so that's why they both remember metatron... which begs the question of what happened between the trial and the final fifteen to make them forget? hmmm

almond syrup imo, #omelas theory

the possible miracle chime ehhhh i know i wrote about this but im still like 50/50 on it... but it fits my theory (in the #feral domestic/final fifteen tag) so im rolling with it - i think there might be a chime and i think it might be a failed miracle to change the coffee

the metatron and crowley seeming to have some kind of history lmao anything in #metatron spec or indeed #the fall/the great war spec tags tbh

aziraphale's peculiar mannerisms im getting so lazy with these responses now 🦭 anon im so sorry, but again recently speculated in the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tag

the way the conversation between aziraphale and the metatron is only reported and very strangely transitioned in and out of as above

the nothing to see here shooting of the kiss this one...

i know ng said it was a continuity error but. the time skip on the clocks ...and this one ive looked at in the #time-stop theory tag, and im the same - not trusting continuity error on this... not just yet

the something's up vibes of metatron. the general scheming and manipulativeness. the framing as the wizard of oz. the colour scheme and the dice on his tie. the sigh of relief in the elevator lol #metatron spec

the credits scene i haven't really gone into this in any detail and tbh idk if it needs it - i think it's pretty reflective of some stuff ive talked about in the #aziraphale meta and the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tags

plus special mention: not technically in the episode but the distinctly ominous madonna/crucifixion promo photos aaaaaaaand this one is in the #mary/pieta spec tag

again 🦭 anon im really sorry it got a little lazy towards the end!!! but im very, very grateful that you put this all in a list, because ive definitely got some stuff in mind that id like to parse out!!! and as ever - more than happy to scream about things so pop on back if you feel the need to scream with me!!!✨

[dynamite-derek]

RIP Akira Toriyama

It was the summer of 1996. A younger version of myself waltzed into a rip-off blockbuster, one of those family owned joints that often gets conflated with Hollywood Video, and was struck by the cover artwork of one game in particular. Chrono Trigger. It drew me in like a siren's song. It just looked so cool. I had experience with Earthbound, Super Mario RPG and Final Fantasy III at this point so I wasn't unfamiliar with the Japanese role playing game genre, but that isn't what brought me to the dance. It was the art.

Chrono Trigger would go on to become a major part of my personality as a youth. There was about a week straight where I would go around talking to nobody in particular using old English, like my favorite character Frog did. Thank you Ted Woolsey for that. CT would go on to form the basis for a lot of my video game opinions.

I remember getting Chrono Trigger for Christmas randomly in 1997. It had yet to become the holy grail of eBay, it was just a random gift from my uncle who knew how to use the Internet. I spent so long just glancing at the instruction manual and thinking the characters looked so cool. It's one thing to see a little pixel version of Lucca convince Crono that hopping into a teleporter is a good idea, it's another thing to see a fully illustrated version of the same character.

Don't even get me started on how I felt watching those anime cutscenes that came with the PS1 version for the first time. I consider Earthbound to be my favorite game ever, but Chrono Trigger is really what started my JRPG fix. Would I have gotten as deep into JRPGs as I did without Chrono Trigger? Would I be writing this right now? One of the first things I talked to my wife about was the Final Fantasy franchise, specifically my cat named Quistis. Would I have even grabbed that appreciation for Final Fantasy VIII without having been exposed to Chrono Trigger?

Fast forward to 1999. I had just moved to Colorado Springs, Colorado as a sixth grader. I had no friends. I didn't know anybody. It felt like the world had aged up around me. Everybody was using swears and talking about mature topics and I felt so out of the loop. In our temporary hotel housing I vividly remember turning the channel to Cartoon Network and stopping because the art style interested me. It looked kind of like that game I played back in 1996. Dragon Ball Z.

I can see it now. Vegeta was fighting against Recoome while Gohan and Krillin looked on exhausted. Things were looking bleak but some guy named Goku was on the horizon. I had no idea who any of these characters were but I knew they reminded me of something I loved with all my heart. From that point, Dragon Ball would go on to be something I absolutely cherished. Just like Chrono Trigger, it would help define my taste for years to come.

I remember being in high school wearing ridiculous looking Dragon Ball shirts because I thought the sleeves were really cool, I remember going to Toys R Us and seeing a damn near immobile Vegeta action figure that lacked his Saiyan-saga armor and I was so excited to bring it home. I remember hopping on limewire and downloading fansubs of Dragonball Z movies where the subtitles had characters swearing up a storm just because they could. How would I know any better? I didn't speak Japanese! I even downloaded all of Dragon Ball GT because I wanted to see where this wacky thing would go.

That specific anime would define a wide portion of my Internet life. I would post on the Funimation forums talking about whatever episode of the dub was most recent. It was there that I made a lot of my first Internet friends, including girlfriends. It was that forum that led me to create my own little Internet forum called Lindblum, a place that I still remember fondly to this day. I didn't have a lot of friends. I was an Airforce brat who moved around all the time, so it was hard for me to chat with people who knew each other for their entire lives. Lindblum was where I socialized and grew up as a person. Where I learned how to socialize and talk to people from all walks of life.

Writing on forums is what got me into writing in general. I was a lazy kid in school. I didn't care about anything except for video games. Writing was the exception to that, it was the only thing I considered myself actually decent at. I didn't understand math but I understood how to communicate what I felt to others. I work in journalism to this very day because of that fascination with writing. I have this dinky little blog I maintain because of that. Thanks to Internet forums. Thanks to Dragon Ball Z. Thanks to Chrono Trigger. Thanks to Akira Toriyama.

Toriyama, indirectly, helped shape me as an individual. A guy thousands of miles away from me who I had never met before, who didn't know my name, who didn't know I existed, had a hand in helping to shape the person I am today. The world can be a beautiful place sometimes.

RIP Akira Toriyama. Thanks for everything.

[hamable]

Thoughts while watching the new miraculous movie cuz I’m three minutes in and can already TELL I’m gonna be losing my mind:

Spoilers under cut obv

Daddy no :( you can’t take me to school tomorrow with fresh baked goods for my whole class :( that’s so embarrassing :( what would they THINK ?!?!

Marinette: I want a better life (beautiful, picturesque Paris, apartment above your parents bakery, heading to a fancy school) cause I’m so clumsy???

Me: GIRLY ILL SWAP WITH YOU???

God I saw stuff about the singing voice and it’s so tonally and stylistically different from Christina Vee’s VAing that I can’t take it seriously. The singer isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s so clearly a different person.

Aside from the im loving the animation so far. It’s so cool seeing these character I’ve known since like 2017 in a new, more polished style.

Goddamnit we’re still making popular girl no carbs jokes???

DAMN ALYA THATS COLD (oh sorry, do I need to take a number behind the line of friends coming to your rescue?) LIKE YOUVE HAD ONE LINE SO FAR.

Chloe going about this bully/rival thing reeaallll fruity

Emo Adrien just trying to listen to MCR and tune out the normies that just don’t get it 😡😭

NINO BEST BRO

EW WHAT HAIR IS THAT GABRIEL

Nooroo called them the ladybug and chat noir miraculouses, but shouldn’t it be the ladybug and black cat miraculous? I thought they chose their names for themselves, ladybug sticking with ladybug, chat noir coming up with his own?

TIKKI IS SO CUTE OMG

This chat noir so silly and goofy

NOT CARELESS WHISPER ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YALL COULDA DONE A BEAUTIFUL ORCHESTRAL SWELL AND YOU PICK C A R E L E S S W H I S P E R?!?!?!?!

Btw why did Marinette prove her worth while adrien was just like. Doing hw. It’s easy to prove you can use the ladybug for good. Show me why he was chosen to use destruction for good. That’d be so interesting.

PUSS IN BOOTS

Plagg take an antacid plz

SHE THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW

Pop off hawk moth villain song honestly, best one so far

OK HAWKMOTH SING

Nino Dr. Love omg my favorite guy

Golden rule: always stay cool… (voice immediately shoots up an octave when Alya speaks to him)

That’s NOT HOW ROLLERCOASTERS WORK

That’s gotta be at least a few casualties

ASHDJFJF Catches Chloe from a deadly fall only to redirect and chuck her HARDER into a dumpster

Chloe you gotta stop giving off repressed fruity vibes

This movie has not established enough of a connection between marinette and adrien to justify ladybug rejecting chat noir (on the basis of loving someone else, I mean, not that she can’t reject him at all)

Plagg? Not the time.

WTF HAPPENED TO YOU GABRIEL?!?! DID YOU GO ON A BENDER?!?!

The movie has not established enough, if any, disconnect between adrien and gabriel. I love seeing adrien stand up for himself, but it feels kinda weird

LMAO HES LIKE BOUNCING IN PLACE WITH ANGER DONT MAKE ME LAUGH

Adrien with headphones is so fucking funny to me. Head down shoulders hunched, listen to welcome to Nightvale cause no one else gets it

Chloe. Every. God. Every word out of your mouth is so fruity. “There is someone else. And she’s right in front of you.” Someone else for who, Chloe?? For marinette?? I better you’re hoping she thinks you mean u and her huh?

Crush likes someone else. Life not worthy living. Dreams not worth pursuing.

All these songs run together. Except hawkmoths. His kicked ass.

Jesus Christ it’s Armageddon

STOP WITH THE FUCKING CARELESS WHISPER

HAS HE BEEN LISTENING TO CARELESS WHISPER THE WHOLE TIME?!?! THIS FUCKING LOSER OH MY GOD

Ladybug out here in YOUR FATHERS APOCALYPSE and you’re MOPING IN YOUR FANCY HOUSE

It’s the end of the world are you really gonna be salty rn?!?!

Ew why it’s the cataclysm like. An oil slick?!

Oh shit he dead

Oh he super dead

From the top of the Eiffel Tower? Into water?? You’re dead.

WHERE IS THE LAVA COMING FROM?!

SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE THE FORCE HAWKMOTH?!

Damn show hawkmoth could never.

Jesus fucking razor winged butterflies

Movie says fuck sentimonster adrien here’s Emilie pregnant

Anyways uh you killed and displaced likely hundreds of citizens so get ready for a lifetime in prison, hawky

OH I FORGOT ABOUT MIRACULOUS LADYBUG LMAO WERE GOOD ACTUALLY

Ok you placed the rubble back together but a bunch of people are still probably dead right

Ya Chloe make a quick exit bc of that gay crisis you’re having. Next year? Back to bullying. What was this year Chloe? Hm?

Overall: cool animation and effects, nostalgic for early lady noir dynamic, writer brain is itching for what could’ve been, but otherwise it is what it is, prob won’t watch it again.

EDIT: SHE DISNT DO MIRACULOUS LADYBUG UNTIL THE END RIGHT???? LIKE AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF HEROING??? SO ALL THE SHIT AT THE FAIR. JUST HAPPENED. YOU CANT TELL ME THERE ARENT LIKE. DEAD BODIES. I DONT THINK SHE KNEW SHE COULD FIX IT RIGHT??? PEOPLE DIED. YOU DESTROYED A CHUNK OF A CITY GABRIEL.

[astrxlfinale]

There should, maybe, have been a call of his name but if she had done so, where would the element of surprise be ? For as Guinaifen spotted the back of a familiar coat, she'd excuse herself from the group of people she had been hanging out with, sneaking her way over to Caelus as she'd, gently (not surprisingly) would place her hands on his shoulders in a light bap; " -- what'cha doing ?"

A teasing tone, one followed by a warm laughter as she'd step beside him, hands gliding off his shoulders. "Have someone requested help with their cranes again ? Those silly birds... machine ? Birdchines ? I don't know !" One hand off, the other seemed to take a moment longer to come off his shoulders.

"I was just about to head down to my costume contact and see about some new, sweet styles for my upcoming performance ! Would you like to join ? We could try matching costumes together and I could make a video out of it ! " Beaming, gold gaze would close as grin widened beside him. " It'd would look so cool !"

A return to life upon the Luofu held its goals. Primarily, being neck deep in the affairs that could be considered the class known as odd jobs, a realm where legends can intentionally and accidentally run across!

This is exactly why he had a momentarily scowl etched across his face. Just the mere idea of being surrounded by those damn mechanical herons was enough to make his mind scream in distaste. (No need to worry about how he ran to find three of those little bastards hiding away under the platform where the divine Matrix was held!) So to say he was a little hot blooded today would be an understatement.

Just a little bit grouchy.

So once that carefully positioned hand found itself capturing his shoulder, the tension hadn't worked into the muscle, yet his eyes were reflecting an entirely different story for someone who dared to have enough moxie to cross him now! Thus he'd come to turn, boiling vigor wholly prepped to give this person an appropriate greeting!

Wait. He knows that voice. Underneath the glory of this artificial sun, that once wildly angered look finds itself being inverted. Their golden gazes would once again connect, and within this moment, what Caelus believed he witnessed was a work of modern art. It was the sort that made sublime understanding be woven in the way his heart skips a beat.

Beautiful. In his Heart of Hearts, there truly was no better way to put it with the way Guinaifen was posed.

What exactly did he find himself so pissed about again? The essence of frustration found itself losing all hooks, and instead being consigned to a slippery slope once the flow of those strawberry pink tresses flowed within the breeze as her laughter served as a melodious chime. "Gui--" His voice begins, only to collapse once she takes the lead with a curious note. (As if he'd ever mind.) The mere thought her intuition managed to hit that nail on the head was amazing in itself. He once pictured it would've been a steaming tirade over those mechanical dumbasses that would've been the first thing roaring free.

Yet, here he was basking in an instant of laughter, the relieving sort that lets the boulders roll off. Her hands were simply much better instead.

"Alright mind reader! If ya need to know, that business been havin' their local pain in the asses doing their thing again. Tellin' ya, I'm starting to feel like one of those storysung super heroes more at the day. With the busy work." He adds in, giving a wriggle of his fingers for nonsensical emphasis. Inevitably, a smile situated upon Caelus's lips simply due to being in her presence again.

In the sunlight.

That leads into the interesting idea that found itself proposed. Some new outfits? Some new kicks? There was the silver lined measure that they'd be making a new impact upon the fashion scene together no less. While ol' reliable (what he's wearing) would always be near and dear, finding some shared rhythm was sounding more fun by the second. Being spontaneous in kind, within moments Guinaifen would find he makes a reach over his own, an intentional arm slung around her shoulders, settling securely in order to pull her taller frame down just a touch, closer to him.

"N' what? Go and get the world a lil more jealous in how we'd be having the red carpet rolled out wherever we go?" The smugness practically radiates, a gentle tap of the knuckles being made against her gut.

"Hell yeah I'd be down! Mind if we grab some drinks while on the way? I've been a lil thirsty."

On another note? The unspoken reason didn't have to be expressed in this moment of closeness.

A desire, to simply commit this particular smile to memory.

@avaere