#like cool great okay guess I'll just die?

[frostryn]

god my life at this point is just Try Not To Have A Seizure Challenge where everyday I wake up optimistic that maybe today will end the chronic migraine (525 days straight!)/accidental injury/shitty bad news streak & then I just get slapped in the face with something worse. how the fuck am I supposed to control being stressed when I live under capitalism & I'm disabled trying to take care of myself. my seizures are stress induced & fuck I try so hard but this world is going to fucking kill me

[cherryfennec]

So this was originally supposed to have a kickass artwork of the bros using the power- up and stuff but then I got sick and then I realised Im out of time and here we are so uh hieee everyone and welcome to my post-

Happy MAR10 Day! For the occasion, let's go back to the (not discussed in a long time) Power-Up headcanons. This time I'll focus on the Ice Flower (most of the lore under cut like last time)!

This was surprisingly requested by some (3) people. I'm going to be honest, I barely remembered this one at first. I kinda know how it looks and generally what it does, which will have to be enough to base this entire thing on. With that being said, I did some thinking and here's what I've got:

General headcanons;

This one has difficulty surviving outside of it's original environment. If you want to keep a batch in the house your best bet is to use the fridge/freezer, otherwise it looses both it's blue look and the stored energy. See, the Ice Flower originally wasn't (and still technically isn't) it's own flower species. Let me elaborate:

Nowadays the conditions there are not as harsh, however a rather long time ago travelers heading towards places like the Snow Mountain needed to be both be specially trained and very well equipped to even attempt a climb. A heat source was a big must, and it so happens that it often consisted of Fire Flowers. They'd put some in their coats to keep warm, as well as store a few in the backpack just in case they needed to protect themselves from monsters. When setting camp during their journeys these hikers would use the Power-Ups energy to start fires and cook food. After the flowers were depleted of their energy and entered their hibernation stage (I talked about it in my Fire Flower post), they would be simply thrown away like trash. Waiting for them to recharge was often not beneficial, especially in conditions like this, so there was ultimately no point in keeping them. However like I mentioned before, Fire Flowers are very adaptable, which actually wasn't that known at the time. Instead of wilting, these stubborn plants would try gathering energy like the usual, but since it was very cold and direct sunlight was limited, they decided to collect something else. While not all flowers made it, a few managed to amass the eminating frost and turn it into a new kind of energy which proved to be enough for their survival. With time even their petal colour changed to blueish hues. And thus the Fire Flowers in the area became Ice Flowers and over the years started populating the mountains and snowfields.

The Ice Flower is a multiple use Power-Up in theory but more often than not you'll find yourself without a place to freeze it after using one. If it's not placed in a cold environment during it's hibernation it'll either die or, more uncommonly, simply revert back to being a Fire Flower after a long process.

Mario and Luigi specific headcanons;

While the idea of being able to freeze stuff sounded cool it wasn't very fun to learn.

In Marios case imagine: you're good at something, really, REALLY good at something. Okay great, now imagine being told that your knowledge doesn't matter because now you need to do the opposite of what you've learned. Back with the theme of "elements don't mix", Mario absolutely hated how much effort he needed to put into focusing the newfound energy to barely make a tiny projectile. Even before he got the Firebrand he had enough difficulty with it, so it only got worse from there. This was one of the rare times where learning the bare basics instead of mastering a Power-Up was enough for him.

Luigi didn't really mind. The main complications came more from the vague instructions he received during training rather than his own inability. Suprisingly or not the Thunderhand didn't make this one much of a pain either, I guess anomalies attract eachother. While he doesn't consider this Power-Up as a favourite he still finds it pretty fun that he can freeze and walk on water. Did you know, he used to be pretty good at skating in high school. If you didn't he'll make sure to bring it up at a given occasion. Back to ice powers, he definitely outdoes his brother on this one, even if not by much.

There's probably one more thing I should mention. Despite the contrary belief the Ice Flower does NOT increase ones tolerance to cold temperatures. To be frank it might even decrease it by lowering the bodys natural temperature, making the chances of frostbite higher. And so, they learned it the hard way.

In conclusion, this is more of a situational Power-Up. It's neither easy to find or preserve which can be annoying but despite all this it's hard to deny that it's ultimately a useful tool.

Few bonus headcanons!

I don't know how much sense I conveyed through my broken wording and less than average writing skills but it's not that shabby if I say so myself. Just like last time some details might change in the future but for now that's the general idea that I have considering the Ice Flower. Once again thank you to whoever took the time to read this!

[katesmemes]

feel free to change any pronouns, etc. || may contain some nsfw!

"I don't think that blush is your shade."

"I'll probably just stay home."

"This is the first critical rager of the year."

"You know what your doctor said."

"You need socialization."

"Why don't you use my tanning bed?"

"You're in need, babe."

"I'm really sorry you got electrocuted."

"Are you hot for anyone?"

"[Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name], [Name]!"

"I don't know who that is."

"He doesn't play sports; he's cerebral."

"This party is gonna be clutch!"

"These things will turn your feet into hamburger helper."

"It's not haunted, just abandoned. Desecrated."

"Well, I heard [Name(s)] do witchcraft over there."

"I've never seen anybody there."

"I think it's really peaceful and quiet."

"I talk to him sometimes."

"I brought this for you."

"It's kinda morbid when I wear it so I wanted you to have it."

"That's really weird, [Name]."

"I just don't think anyone should be forgotten."

"Y'know, I wasn't gonna say anything, they were such a mess, but you look amazing now!"

"Oh my God, [Name], bag your face!"

"How do you know my name?"

"So what exactly happened to her?"

"I can never ever talk about it, for personal and legal reasons, and i also pinky swore, but I guess I can tell you. I trust you."

"I'd be screwed up if I were her, too."

"Hi, sorry, how do we know each other?"

"You're being so dramatic."

"This is not what I expected from you; you have so much potential."

"Lets find somewhere for you to sit for a bit, yeah?"

"I hate parties like this; I don't even know why I came."

"Your hair feels like easter grass."

"You know it's not nice to lead people on."

"I wish I was with you."

"It's okay; everyone does it."

"You should probably get going."

"Did you smash the mirror in the bathroom?"

"Do you know what happens to people who act out?"

"How about an apology?"

"I feel like I may want to apologize for what happened last night."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay."

"Oh, is there pizza left?"

"I think I'm gonna skip the movie."

"I'm just really tired from work."

"Do you know how hard that is on the groin muscles?"

"It doesn't even hurt anymore."

"Do you like this song?"

"We're better off up here in case anyone comes home."

"I haven't said this many words in a row in forever."

"I hate to say it, but you're either crazy, or just goddamned inconsiderate!"

"You're kind of absurd, aren't you?"

"I really don't get your fixation with that one."

"There are plenty of halfway-dece guys who would date you."

"I wanna help you, I really do, but I dunno how."

"It's a waste of time to try and fix a boy; it's better to just accept a guy's flaws."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"What happened to your neck?"

"You don't want to hold my hand?"

"This whole place gives me the creeps, okay?"

"I thought that was a really cool thing to say."

"Don't feel bad about what we did!"

"You saved me."

"Is that a rad new trend or something?"

"I don't play with dolls anymore."

"I'm sure there's some explanation."

"You know I'm usually pretty cool about things, right?"

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"You have no idea how scary this is."

"I actually feel like something's wrong."

"People are so afraid of death because they dunno when it's gonna happen to them."

"I'm not afraid of death anymore."

"I don't wanna die a virgin."

"I want to do it with someone I truly love."

"You're so supportive."

"I love our conversations."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude."

"How about I drive since you're not feeling so good?"

"Your boobs look great by the way."

"This is just too freaking much."

"It's your fault we're screwed."

"You act like you're happy for me, and you care about me, but you're not really happy for me."

"You couldn't let me have this one thing?"

"You knew I liked him and you went after him on purpose!"

"I swear, I would never do that to you!"

"Guys usually only want me for one thing."

"It just was never gonna work out between us."

"I don't have feelings for you like that."

"Do you know how uncool that is?!"

"Uh, you're not making any sense."

"Thank you for being nice to me when no one else was."

"You're the type of person who usually bullies me or looks right through me, but you didn't."

"You actually went out of your way to try to tell people I was part of your family."

"You really actually wanted me to be your sister..."

"You're a great person, [Name]."

"Listen, we're running out of time."

"Make love to me."

[hyperfixation-fix]

Alright girls, guys, and gays - welcome to...

A Newby's Guide to the Marauders Fandom

You keep seeing your mutuals post about this Harry-Potter-adjacent fandom. It seems cool, and pretty damn gay, and you're kinda curious to know more. Except there's one problem: there is little-to-no actual canon.

How do you get into a fandom with little-to-no canon material?

Well friends, I'm here to help! Consider this post your roadmap to the fandom - useful locations are noted, major landmarks and tourist destinations are starred, and recommended routes are highlighted.

But where you actually go is up to you.

Level 1: The Basics

If you're the freshest of fresh meat to this fandom, you may like to start with a nice little overview of our chaos-fanon. Here are some YouTube videos that give you a good tl;dr:

a deep dive into the marauders fandom by uncarley (YouTube video, general topic, no major content warnings) - this is a great starter video, especially if you're not a fandom person usually. It's digestible, fun, and not too lore-heavy.

The Marauders Era Fandom Deep Dive! by Coffeekoe (YouTube video, general topic, no major content warnings) - alternatively (or in addition), this is another great starter video, but possibly more from a fandom-familiar perspective. Also Coffeekoe just has great vibes and I want to kiss them on the forehead. Mwuah mwuah mwuah.

Marauders Era Ships Deep Dive! by Coffeekoe (YouTube video, several different ships, no major content warnings) - after you've got the gist of how the fandom works, you might want to know a bit more about the common Marauders ships. This video gives an awesome (and comprehensive) overview.

Level 2: The Canon in the Fanon

You're going to have a pretty tough time in the fandom if you're not at least somewhat familiar with The Fanfic™️, All the Young Dudes. This fic is as highly revered (if not more so) than the real actual canon text (obligatory fuck JKR).

First off let's understand what it is.

All the Young Dudes is a long-form fanfiction written by MsKingBean89 and published on Archive of Our Own. And when I say long-form, I mean long-form - this thing is a monstrous 188 (chunky) chapters long. It spans from 1971, when the Marauders start their first year at Hogwarts, until 1995, when Remus dies. Speaking of which, it's also canon-compliant, so I'll save you some heartache and tell you right now that all of the characters die in pretty tragic ways. I'm not going to lie to you, it's a pretty heavy story - there are strong themes of child abuse, homophobia, underage drinking/smoking, drug abuse, abusive relationships, and trauma. BUT. I really enjoyed it and have read it twice now, simply because the happy bits are worth the painful bits.

With all of that in mind, here are (my recommendations for) your options for acquiring your ATYD education:

All The Young Dudes Deep Dive! by Coffeekoe (YouTube video, ATYD, some light discussion of triggering topics mentioned above, spoiler heavy!!!) - yep that's right, it's Coffeekoe again. Mwuah mwuah mwuah. This video is a super duper great alternative to reading ATYD, or a great way to dip your toe in and see if you want to commit to reading it in full. Obviously it's spoiler heavy, so if you already know you want to read ATYD and spoilers bug you, just skip it.

All the Young Dudes by MsKingBean89 (AO3 fic, mostly Wolfstar, triggers as mentioned above) - here's just a straight up link to the fic. You may need an account on AO3 to access it.

All the Young Dudes by BIBLIOBIBULI (YouTube, same as above) - if you're like me and love the idea of reading a long-fic, but don't actually have the time/energy/patience/stamina to do it, an audiobook might be the way to go! This one is great, and complete. You're welcome 🫶

Level 3: Fics of Note

Okay! By now, you should have received your official Marauders Fandom Certification in the mail (or, I guess, via owl), and you're pretty much free to go and explore the fandom on your own. You may, however, still come across references that confuse you. Those (probably) come from one of the many, many, many popular fics in the fandom.

Here's just a few of the major ones and links to them, for your convenience (asterisks indicate fics that require an account to access):

NOTE: This is not a rec list. Approach with caution and read all the tags.

Crimson Rivers by bizarrestars*

Just Lovers (Like We Were Supposed To Be) by bizarrestars*

Best Friend's Brother by bizarrestars*

Choices by MesserMoon

Kill Your Darlings by MesserMoon

All the Young Dudes - Sirius's Perspective by Rollercoasterwords

The Cadence Of Part-Time Poets by motswolo

Art Heist, Baby! by otrtbs

Only the Brave by Solmussa*

Level 4: You're On Your Own, Kid

You're still here? Why are you still here? You should be out there, enjoying your newly acquired fandom!

Fine, one last piece of advice and then you really have to leave:

Engage.

This fandom is unique because it is the weird, Frankenstein's-Monster-esque lovechild of thousands of strange little obsessive gremlin people like you and me. Sure, it only has one eye and far too many nipples, but who cares? We made this and we love it. And it's your job, as someone in the fandom, to keep it alive by engaging. Yes, this is true for every fandom, but even more so here. Comment, reblog, share, recommend fics, ask for fic recs. Fuck it, create too - write, draw, share headcanons, make playlists. It doesn't matter if it's "bad" or "wrong", there aren't any fucking rules.

Add another nipple, by all means! Eyes are overrated anyway.

[callofdudes]

More ✨ incorrect cod quotes!! ✨

Ghost: We need a distraction.

Price: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Soap, whispering: My time has come

--------

Soap: Do you need help getting up?

Ghost: Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor

---------

Ghost: What did you order this morning?

Soap: What do you mean?

Ghost: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.

--------

Soap: So... what’s goin’ on?

Ghost: You want the long version or the short version?

Soap, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?

Ghost: Shit’s fucked.

Soap: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

--------

Soap: *in a jail cell* What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’”! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Ghost: *in the cell next to him* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.

--------

Soap: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Ghost: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Soap: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Ghost: Somehow that's worse.

--------

Soap: What do I get?

Ghost: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Soap: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Ghost: It won't be you.

Soap: I'll get my coat.

---------

Soap, shooing Ghost away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

--------

Soap: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?

Ghost: I only like dark humor.

Soap, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?

Ghost:

Soap: An IMPASTA!

--------

Gaz, gesturing to Price: Ghost, look what you did! You made Mom upset!

Soap: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry!

Ghost: I’m sorry Mom... :(

Price, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

-------

Price, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Soap: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Ghost: I personally was created in a lab.

Gaz: I just straight up spawned lol.

-------

Ghost: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!

Gaz: You left me, Soap, and Price in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.

Ghost: I did that on purpose, try again.

-------

Soap: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything Gaz does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

Price: If Gaz were to jump off a cliff, he would've done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Gaz jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Ghost: You jump off a cliff!

Price: Gladly, provided Gaz did first.

-------

Ghost: ARE YOU-

Soap: Fucking.

Ghost: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Soap: Fucking.

Ghost: IDIOT!

Gaz: …What was that?

Soap: Price banned Ghost from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

-------

Soap: *falls down the stairs*

Price: Are you okay?

Gaz: Stop falling down the stairs!

Ghost: How’d the ground taste?

-------

Gaz: Hey Soap, wanna third wheel on my date with Price tomorrow?

Soap: Sure.

Gaz: Ghost! Wanna third wheel on my date with Price tomorrow?

Gaz: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Soap and Ghost: ...

Price: Gaz...

------

Price: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Soap: Throw rocks at he.

Gaz: Hot Dogs.

Ghost: Kill him.

Price: Thanks guys.

-------

Soap: Made you all playlists!

Soap: Ghost, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Soap: Gaz, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Soap: And Price has the ABBA Gold album.

-------

Gaz: *about Soap and Ghost* They make a cute couple, huh?

Price: They certainly are standing next to each other.

-------

Price: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Price: *aggressively throws water bottles*

Ghost: Uh... what's up with him?

Gaz: He's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

Price: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Soap, crying: It's working.

-------

Soap: Ghost, come out of your room right now!

Ghost: You're not my dad!

Soap: Yeah well I can hit like him!

Soap:...

Soap: Ghost I-

Ghost, slamming his door open: You have three seconds to run.

Soap: L-look at you... o-out of your room..

Soap, screaming as Ghost chases him down the hallway:

-------

Price: Yesterday, I watched Ghost try to eat a decorative rock from Soap's potted plant. Gaz caught him, and told him he can't eat rocks. Ghost started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away.

------

Gaz, watching Soap and Price fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

Ghost, not bothered by the chaos: It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other.

Gaz: Then... who’s the strongest out of you three?

Soap: Ghost.

Price: Ghost.

Ghost: Me.

-------

Gaz: What’s it like being tall?

Soap: Is it nice?

Gaz: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Ghost: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

------

Soap: My stomach growled super loud in French.

Soap: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.

Gaz: Bonjour.

Ghost: Le growl.

Gaz: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

-------

Ghost: I told Price to grab snacks for everyone.

Gaz, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*Ghost, Price, and Soap raise their hands*

[kravchikfreak]

i feel like sometimes people would come up with some cool headcanons and interpretations, but then they'll convince themselves that it's literally shown canon with no place for doubt and then they'll act as if everyone else is dumb for not consuming the media the way they do it

(i guess i'm guilty as well, but i'm allowed to cause i'm actually right all the time)

like the second season of arcane got tons of criticism for bad writing, and, naturally, there're people who would defend their favorite show just cause THEY interpreted it in a way that makes sense to the point that when i go to arcane criticism tag to see what problem other people have with the show i also see show's defenders who pissed not everyone sees it as they do

and um i mean it's fine, i get it, we are all the same, just in different camps, whatever. but i have a story. one time i had to do coursework and i barely touched it before the last night before deadline came. and i thought to myself "welp i really need to work on it now, i only have 8 hours left" and when i turned on my laptop and was about to open up the files the power went out in the entire building. and my laptop had a shit battery that worked for like 1,5 minutes without charging. so i thought it was kinda funny and called my mom and told her "see? the only time i decided to do something studying-related and this happens. universe must be trying to send me a sign" and my mom went like "yeah, a sign that you need to try harder! despite all the obstacles that might come to your way"

so, who out of us two doesn't have a sign literacy? is sign literacy dead? or was it just a shit unclear sign and its interpretation depends solely on the person who interprets it and their life experience, beliefs, mentality and so on?

anyway, if you think you feel the character and you can imagine their motives and goals that's cool i guess, but doesn't mean the show actually succeeded to state them in canon. if you can see just some random plot points without any actual on-screen transition between them and just understand what transitions was implied it's also really cool, but for me for example if i wanted to just have some guide points and use my imagination for the rest i'd just scroll through "imagine" tag on tumblr rather then watching an actual show that's supposed to tell the story, not key points of the story

and no, the show doesn't have to tell a viewer everything by words. but it still have to tell you everything, actually, just by all different kinds of storytelling. and leaving everything to viewers imagination isn't a storytelling. like yeah i guess i can come up with some character development that makes you go from pointing a gun at a child (when you already compromised your ability to sharpshoot) to very judgmental "why is peace always the justification for violence?" (right after you actually tell you aren't ready to withdraw your forces and half an hour early we have a cool montage of your forces being pretty violent already) but i feel like it's writers job, not mine

but hey, you do you anyway. who am i to care

in fact i actually feel you. i'll die on the hill of silco being a great dad and caring deeply about jinx. but tho we have in fact canon proof she mean the world to him (actual story actually telling us he chooses her over his ultimate goal) at the same time we don't really have a good explanation on his whole beef with vi. yeah, i still can make my headcanons about his insecurity and fear of losing jinx after she tells her something about something, but it still sounds weak and not really explained in the show. also not a great writing

okay i'm officially lost in my thoughts, gotta wrap it up somehow. let's end on the point that some of interpretations the show leaves you with this season don't make much sense and in other cases it doesn't even give you any material to interpret but straight up leaves you with the responsibility of come up with events and development of the story and characters. and while a viewer might be good at this or even enjoy it, it's still very bad writting actually

peace

[venacoeurva]

Wren had a lot of pastimes in Vvardenfell (alchemy, assassinations, pillow collecting, collecting ash statues because he thinks they're neat, uh, crying about his ex?) also he was kind of losing his mind, and once he figured out wtf the Sixth House was and the fact they were essentially wiped from history for a while (which means a LOT of records and specific cultural stuff was also assimilated or destroyed) he was very "ah yes well they're nice to me and even if they hate me they're still pretty polite about it, actually, I'll utilize this." And then he proceeded to pester them for recipes, clothes trends, other small cultural things lost to time. Just a lot of

"Yes, yes, Ascended Sleeper... Ulen? Yes, we have to fight to the death but hold on. Do you want great grandma's recipe that involved ingredients that went extinct more than a few centuries ago to be recorded or nah? Yes, while we're at it, even if I die you can at least preserve it in writing. Yeah, Uthol told me about the scuttle scones and I agree with him that letting them sit would be beneficial to the texture. I guess this is a point of contention between him and Endus? What do you MEAN you agree with Endus, the dough DOES need to sit! Anyway. Uh-huh? 2 cups. Now, is that a modern measurement or was it different? Okay, cool. Uh huh, yes. Thank you."

And then they start hitting each other

And this would happen repeatedly to a point that it would get around so there'd be Sixth House people warning each other that the Nerevarine was spotted nearby, he WILL approach and start asking about recipes and clothes trends extremely casually, and he for some reason can take way too many blows despite looking like the wind could snap him in half and he can't feel fear. He's like a fashionable and hungry boogeyman

[funnyshapedpuddles]

The Sides as dumb shit my group and I have said

These always make me laugh so I'm making my own for funsies.

Here's the (sanders) sides as dumb shit I or my GC has said.

Virgil: *deleted a message*

Logan: what did he say

Remus: that you smell like a rat's ass

Logan: *leaves the group*

Patton: how you kiddos doing :)

Virgil: jumping off of buildings and such. The usual.

Patton: omg

(That one was with my mom 👍)

Roman: we have such great ideas

Virgil: too bad we don't have enough motivation to put them into action

Roman: next thing you know the government has stolen our ideas and distributed them among the major entertainment companies so no one will believe us when we say the amazing ideas originated from OUR minds and we'll get kicked out and have to live on the streets as rats.

Roman: well you will. I'll be living as royalty once I've weaseled my way into working for Disney.

Virgil:

Virgil: are you good?

Logan: let me show you something cool really quick.

Logan: it's called a ✨comma✨.

Logan: placed between two words to seperate them as individuals when listing off multiple options.

Roman: womp womp

Logan: use the comma, love the comma, be the comma.

Patton: if you go to sleep right now, you'll probably wake up with a hundred messages from me :)

Logan: I'm sure I will. But also why?

Any: I consume too much dairy for being lactose intolerant

Virgil: I consume too much attention for having social anxiety

Virgil: istg atp I run off of MCR, water, and memes.

Patton: *loud laughter for a straight 5 minutes*

Patton: sorry I just needed to laugh

Virgil: that's fine. I wasn't about to call the mental health services or anything.

Remus: someone told me to go die

Janus: you have my permission to use your christmas present early. It's a machete.

Remus: YAY!

Remus: I wonder if dove soap bars have the same texture as dove chocolate.

Roman, joking: why don't you go figure it out

*a few minutes later*

Remus: it doesn't.

Remus: doesn't taste all that good either.

Thomas: my intrusive thoughts just told me to touch the hot pan.

Thomas: can you guess what I just did?

Logan:

Thomas:

Logan: did you touch the hot pan?

Thomas: I touched the hot pan. It hurt.

*the sides finishing a serious discussion*

Patton: for real

Patton: anyways

Patton: KARMA IS THE GUY ON THE CHIEFS, COMING STRAIGHT HOME TO MEEEEEE

Remus: hrrgh soap

Logan: what.

Remus: I shouldn't have eaten the soap.

Logan: what.

Remus: I'm going to kill Santy Claus!

Roman: No! I've worked hard to be a good boy this year, I expect presents! Santa can't give me my presents if he's dead! No killing Santa until I get my pony!

Remus: ...okay, jeez...

Logan: You need three things to make a fire. Oxygen, burnable material, and-

Remus: A will to destroy!

Logan: No.

[rainee-da]

Heyyy I just found your blog and i think you're writing is great 💖 who is your top 5 character in Mashle: Magic and Muscle?

ASDFGHJKL THANK YOU POOKIE?????? 🥹💕

As for top 5 character, honestly it's hard to decide because i love them all equally and it's fantasizing of having reverse harem with all of my husbu one day //j

But if I really, REALLY have to put them into ranking, I think it would be something like this:

🍮 Epidem - don't ask me why i just did okay??? he's so goofy but so menacing at the same time hnngggh daddy and I don't understand why ppl think he's the ugly duckling among all the brothers because he's not???? LOOK AT THOSE JAWLINE LIKE AAAAAA- Anyway, he's my numero uno cutie patootie

🃏 Famin - I'm quite hesitant putting him in second place because honestly I like both Epi & Famin equally. I really like the type of character that is enigmatic, goofy but menacing. It's like the perfect cuisine 👌🏻 but I put him on second place because I just had a dream where he killed me and use my head as a soccer ball lol

🐉 Agito Tyrone - Same reasons as the other character; he's goofy, enigmatic, but menacing (I mean his religious tangent is creepy af but kinda hot hhhheheheheh-) I just wish he had more screentime in the manga... Please mangaka create after-story/spin-off series of Mashle I NEED MY BOIS

🍥 Carpaccio Luo-Yang - Again, same reason as the previous three; though he's not that goofie (and didn't wear suit) so that knock him down to the fourth place. I think his abilities are so damn cool and I would put him above Agito if he's a little bit more goofy. I really want to see him hang out more with the main gang (or had a childish banter with Margarette. I can totally see him do that lol).

🕶️ Wirth Madl - He's my first favorite from the anime though not in romantic way. I really want to hug him and tell him that he's okay just the way he are and I want to see him make up with his brother sO BAD (maybe they can go nuclear on their parents? just a thought...) I guess I see a little bit of myself in him and that breaks my heart a little.

As for the three honorable mentions (I know you didn't ask for them anon, I just want to include one lol) here it is!

🎼 Margarette Macaron - Please be my mom lol I want to have a girl's night out with them!

🍯 Kaldo Gehenna - imagine him opening his eyes, and it's amber-colored (I'll die fyi)

⏳ Orter Madl - PAMPER YOUR BROTHER OR I'LL STEAL HIM YOU PIECE OF SHI- /j

Anyway, thank you for your ask! It made my day 🌱 have a good one!

[tobiasdrake]

Well, I was supposed to wake up in a field but instead.....

Some sorta void beyond time and space. Neat. It would seem I have gained the ability to determine for myself how far back to loop.

I credit this new ability to my brilliant decision to touch the timedrop. Clearly, I have absorbed its power and added it to my own through temporal osmosis. I have based this observation on nothing whatsoever but I will hear no argument otherwise.

In any case... I still need to find out who keeps breaking that bread so--

Oh my god you read my Pocket Notes and listen in on my conversations and now you're just being controlling I NEED SOME SPACE LEMONFRIEND

>_< I am in a toxic relationship. With time.

A revelation that wasn't the main goal of dipshitting myself into oblivion but is a welcome discovery nonetheless. At least we know that everyone who's frozen is a) somewhat conscious but b) not in a state where they would be suffering.

10/10 Great service, satisfying experience. I look forward to killing myself again in the future.

Alright. Well. Guess we'll get back to it. Grab the tonics from the side room and my ding ding and then--

No. Fuck you.

I was thinking about my ding ding it could not be helped

Ugh, this place is so rude! I want to file a complaint.

Moving right along. Nothing to see here.

Like those two buildings back in Dormont that are inexplicably locked. Must be some kind of regional locking mechanism popular in this area but I have no idea what.

Oh, there we go. That was easy. So we just need to figure out the pass phrase for any of these doors we find.

I see where this is going. It would behoove me to throw myself on that Tear over yonder and die so I can go get the password.

...but I have the utmost confidence that I'll get myself stupidly killed anyway soon, so I don't need to bother.

In a suspicious place, yes. That sure is a pillar.

I do not trust this pillar, okay?

This pillar is watching us.

Plotting.

It knows I'm on to it.

You say that like we should feel bad for it, Isa. Unfortunately, feeling bad for things is a form of Sadness so I'm afraid all of my sympathy's getting chopped up with scissors.

Along with this boss fight.

Alright, cool. Some kind of key thing that can be used to something something with the tears, so let's keep going and--

...okay so maybe it's actually dangerous to hussle the group past all of the deathtraps I already know about. I may be trapfinding so well at this point that it's putting everyone in danger.

Who would do something so monstrous

Okay now I'm super onboard. King needs to die.

Go on, Bonnie. Take a wok on the wild side. *wok-a wok-a*

Am I... am I supposed to scramble it? Wait, is this a metaphor? Does this key have gender dysphoria that it hasn't quite realized yet?

...so that's a yes. Yes, the key has undiagnosed gender dysphoria.

Cool. I'm happy I caught that. I feel proud of myself for my ability to pick up LGBT subtext.

This philosophy is pretty deep. I took the religion of Change for a silly joke at first but no, this is some serious shit.

Is this whole religion a metaphor for the experience of being LGBT? There is clearly some strong coding going on here with Vaugardian society. In fact, the entire concept of worshipping change is itself so tightly connected to gender and the trans/non-binary experience that--

BONNIE

NO

You take that gender out of your mouth this instant! The experience of self-discovery is NOT breakfast!

*sigh* Kids.

[iloveyanderes]

What I think of every bsd character (some of them I don't know so I'll be making wild guesses about them) also I got all these names off a wiki and sometimes there not exactly spelt right.

Fukuzawa: nice cat loving man who I respect

Yasano: best doctor in the world, would not recommend though

Atsushi: my cute little tiger boy🥺💕

Tanizaki:I kinda like to pretend he doesn't have a sister

Kunikida: dazais number one target

Kenji: adorable, would protect with my life

Kyouka: don't dislike I just don't really feel her

Dazai: suicidal maniac, best singer ever

Ranpo: I love him, smart but dumb, I would give him all of my food.

Katai: I have no idea who he is but he looks like he never leaves his bed

Naomi: I like to pretend she doesn't have a brother

Kirako: she looks nice

Mori: I fucking hate him, no pedophiles allowed near anyone

Elise: girlboss, someone get her the fuck away from Mori.

Ace: looks flashy

Chuuya: love him, small boy with nice hair and the best hat in existence

Rando: looks very random

Koyo: idk man, she looks powerful

Paul: where chuuya got his style

Akutagawa: in need of dazai approval

Higuchi: was annoying at first but she grew on me

Albatross: looks like he's constantly in a disco party

Doc: bad haircut supreme

Iceman: looks like a fireman

Lippmann: invests in great lips

Piano man: is great at playing the piano and knows it

Ryuro: this guy will die of lung cancer

Gin: is okay

Tachihara: I know who you really are

Karma: I know nothing about him except that Fyodor got to him

Yumeno: I'll stay on their good side

Kajii: I know he likes bombs and lemons

Oda: love him, fellow ginger, love his ability, without him this story would have never really began or at least Atsushi wouldn't be the Mc.

Ango: uhhhhhhhhh, cool I guess don't really like him

Scott Fitzgerald: the entire guild is probably his sugar baby

Poe: love Karl, fellow introvert, probably gets billions of dollars from writing x reader fanfics, I'd pay him any amount

Lovecraft: the only author I actually knew about before reading this book

John steinback: kinda looks like he could be kenjis distant cousin

Lucy: like her just not really attracted to her character

Margaret: I know nothing about this character but I despite the way her name is written, I prefer margrett it sounds more like it

Mark Twain: twains out of bad situations

Nathaniel: is more likeable because his name is closest to my fav boy name Nathan.

Fyodor: somehow I have a completely neutral opinion of him, I don't like or dislike him.

Nikolai: this may be bias but I absolutely adore white haired characters that have braids, there my type of people and I automatically like them, bonus points if there unhinged

Sigma: bro is the official Y/N I feel bad for him, the absolute shit he went through, also he has the best and most realistic facial expressions in all of bsd

Bram: I like him, I seriously hope him and that small red head gets a brother/sister relationship.

Oguri: studio bones got to him

Agatha: her name is like one step away from being majestic

Fukichi: bro is the reason why Kenji and Atsushi got hurt alot, not to mention he's planning world wide terrorism, and it was all because he got rejected by his childhood crush(this is totally what happened)

Teruko:my fav bsd character, love her absolute girlboss, pls I beg of you let me be your bestie, I will sell my soul

Jouno: pretty good, I love that he put others above his own self pleasures, also kinda terrifying in some manga panels and In others hes so cute

Tecchou: cute little boy, love him, also I ship him with jouno, it's mandatory if you enter this fandom, will probably end up being bestie with kenji

Aya: biggest girlboss in this entire series, hate her dad, she is best girl, if you dis her I will track you down and find you.

This is all the characters I got a the enger for, hope you enjoyed

[syn4k]

"You've died two times already?" Gem asked in disbelief, eyebrow raised, arms folded.

It was a beautiful summer's day, with clouds piled up like stacks of wool against the horizon and a faint sea breeze trickling in from the north. Fwhip's machines ticked along faithfully in the back, a constant hum that had helped him sleep since he'd gotten used to it, but the man himself was unfortunately nowhere near as composed. Under Gem's smoldering (perhaps literally if she got mad enough) glare, he fidgeted and kept his eyes on the ground.

"Maybe a little," he said with a weak grin, one hand pushing back his hair.

Gem was not impressed. "A little?" she asked. "Fwhip. We have been here for three weeks maximum and you've already died twice. That puts you on par with Jimmy of all people. Jimmy."

"Listen, okay," said Fwhip, squaring up and crossing his arms as well, going on the defensive although still clearly nervous. "I am not a clever man. You know this."

"I do," agreed Gem. She flicked one fiery strand of hair behind her back with a flick of the finger and a shake of her head. "I'm still absolutely amazed at your ability to mess up this badly, though."

"First time was... uh," said Fwhip, counting on his fingers. "I forgot."

"You died and then forgot about it," said Gem, deadpan.

"Yes. Now the second time," said Fwhip, putting another finger up and trying to ignore the heat rising around him, "I was a bunny. And then I lost my balance and hopped backwards off of a roof."

"What?"

"I repeat, I am not a clever man," said Fwhip, putting up both hands in defeat. "Some may even call me a grade-A idiot."

Gem snorted. "Is that your title now?" she asked. "Sir Fwhip, highest in the grade of idiots?"

"Yes!" said Fwhip, standing up on his tiptoes to better look her in the eyes and folding his arms again. "In fact, some may even call me a peer-reviewed idiot."

"Peer reviewed by who?" asked Gem curiously.

"Uh," said Fwhip, looking to the side. "Myself."

"And?"

"And the sky, I guess. Come on, Gem, we don't need to have an entire council voting on whether I'm clumsy or not!" Fwhip looked back at her, noting with relief that the air had cooled down once again. "We all know the answer to that one."

"True," said Gem thoughtfully. "I'll peer review it. You are an idiot." She patted his head, and Fwhip stepped back a few paces. "Easy on the touch," he said. "I've been working on redstone lately."

"I can tell," said Gem, wiping her hand off on her dress. "Your hair's greasy."

"And speaking of redstone," Fwhip continued quickly, trying to segue into another subject before Gem could berate him for dying so fast.

"No, let's not," said Gem with a cheerful smile, looking from the sky to back down at him. She knelt a little, and the summer air increased in intensity by about a million factors. Behind Fwhip, he could hear metal shriek and groan, and he shot a panicked glance backwards to see the metal casings and shafts of his crop farmer melting where they stood. Wires overheated and started to spark.

"If you die again," said Gem, just as cheerful, "I'll kill you." She booped his nose, and Fwhip winced. That was definitely going to leave a burn later. "Got it?"

"Gem, my redstone-" he said desperately.

"Got it?"

Fwhip looked in her eyes and nodded vigorously, just trying to get her to back off. "Yes," he said, walking backwards. "No more dying. Won't do that anymore. Nope." Gods, those machines were going to take forever to fix.

"Great!" said Gem, standing back up to her full height again. "Have fun with your redstone, Fwhip!" And with that, she walked off, leaving one extremely confused and incredulous man and a slag heap of melted alloys in her wake.

"Jesus Christ," Fwhip muttered to himself, taking his sweat-stained hoodie off and wiping his hair back from his eyes as he turned around to survey the damage. "That was like, a week of work!"

"Sucks to suck, I guess," said a smug little voice from somewhere nearby, somewhere probably near his feet.

"Shut up, Oli."

[pleas3pretendimnothere]

Six more books this month! If I keep this up, I'll be barely able to meet my 52-books goal. The (short) Narnia books are my backup plan if I run out of time... Anyway, I read a lot of great stuff this month!

Piranesi

By Susanna Clarke - I've been looking forward to this read all year. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell was my favorite book I read last year, and while Piranesi was not quite so huge and fantastical, it was still another outstanding project from Clarke. I loved this book.

Piranesi's best strength is the constant sense of foreboding. The narrator is childlike, his desires and endeavors so simple, they sometimes seem pathetic. Piranesi is naive but he isn't dumb. He seeks truth, and his naivete transforms a strange, cold, unwelcoming world into something magical, mysterious, and benevolent. This creates a peculiar sense of wrongness throughout the tale's beginning, and when truths slowly come to light, Clarke only further bends the reader's perception of Piranesi's world. Is it the world that is broken, or the men living within it?

The book somehow felt too simple, too quick, but nonetheless, I couldn't put it down. The main character is loveable, and the challenges he faced still haunt me. Even now, I get shudders, remembering the twists! Deeply psychological stuff! Everyone who loves a good mystery, maybe even horror, needs to read this one. BUY IT!

Sabriel

By Garth Nix - I'm a sucker for fantasy romance (very different from romantasy, btw). If the fantasy world is weird, and the romance is built from adventure and adversity, I'm game. This book...this is it...

LOVE Sabriel. Can't sing enough praises. We've got weird necromancy magic based on runes and a series of bells capable of varying archaic horrors. A weird fantasy world split in half. On one side, people are living in a happy and prosperous Ghibli world, on the other, they're fighting monsters and undead ghouls in a Souls game. There's a cat that is also a mind-devouring cosmic god. Cool. Then, children are thrown helplessly to the wilds as bait for bigger predators. It was Berserk, but for the girlies.

The romance was exactly what I like. Natural, built on friendship and trust, and low on the horniness scale (although Nix weirdly informs us that our male character is...cut....okay, I guess...). The adventure was dark and gruesome, as the central magic system is necromancy, so there was an unexpected element of horror in Sabriel. Nix pulls off a sinister sense of danger and risk that sustains itself from beginning to end. Characters die and are killed and brought back, and the ending! Bizarre, frightening, but endearing and clever. Loved it.

Cannot WAIT to pick up the sequels. This is my perfect book, no flaws, no notes. If you like sweeping romance and spooky fantasy, stuff like Howl's Moving Castle, BUY IT!

The Ship of the Dead

By Rick Riordan - I don't know how to review Riordan books. I don't know what to say. They're all carbon copies of each other with little distinct tweaks to an excellent formula. They're all good.

I mean it, I don't know what to say. The Magnus Chase series is good. Period. It's fun, it's weird, and this finale was especially dark. The dragon scenes were excellently scary! Throughout the rest of The Ship, I was laughing, I was gasping, I was having a wonderful ol' time. Period, no notes. Keep it up, Rick.

Don't sleep on these books, that's all. Read them, learn stuff, warm your heart, and repeat. Revolutionary series? No. But joyous and loveable? Absolutely. RENT IT!

Borne

By Jeff Vandermeer - I just ate so good this month. Sabriel was my perfect book, and so too is Borne. I am an insatiable devourer of dark romance. Thank you Jeff, god bless.

Weird is the best way to describe Vandermeer's projects. The Southern Reach trilogy played on evolution, madness, and legacy. It was freaky and exciting, and I knew after finishing it that I had to read more from Vandermeer. His mind is sometimes so impossible to comprehend. Borne came into my lap, and I zipped through it in no time. Why? Of course, because there's romance! I just can't put that shit down, I'm serious!!

This novel is quirky and silly at times, and then it quickly turns upsetting and dark at the drop of a hat. It's graphic and absurd, and the terror is masterfully written. Like Junji Ito, Vandermeer finds horror in the absurd. He takes a bear, a frightening predator, and says, what if it was really big? And it was flying? And it also used to be a normal man, but now its a fucked-up god? Silly, strange, but when written in the cosmic sense, as Vandermeer writes it, petrifying. The mundane becomes the macabre. Chef's kiss.

And a goopy, otherworldly, unfathomable monster? What if it was a child? What if it loved you, and you taught it to be kind, but it was still just a monster? Borne the character is so complex and fun and scary, and I think I won't ever to be able to forget how he made me laugh.

And I didn't even mention the romance, oh, the ROMANCE! Another perfect book. If you're into psychological horror and romance, this is for you. I'm talking fucked-up, NieR: Automata, SCP shit. Loved it so, SO much, BUY IT!

In the Time of the Butterflies

By Julia Alvarez - And now for something completely different! I read A Thousand Splendid Suns and told my friend I was a sucker for stories about the struggles of women in the world. She said, "Oh! I've got just the book for you!"

In the book's Afterword, Alvarez explains her intent to bring the struggles of the Dominican Republic to the English-speaking world. That English-speaking world is a bubble, after all, and it's a difficult one to penetrate. Growing up as an American, I knew almost nothing about the world south of America. I learned about Europe and China and North America, but I essentially thought South America was all one, big, same place. Africa, too. Of the Dominican Republic, even as an adult, I knew very little.

For that, I am most thankful to the book. Alvarez follows a fictionalized version of the Mirabal sisters, four sisters whom three of were martyred during the Era of Trujillo. While many of the events of book are dramatized, many surprising scenes are not. I was constantly fact-checking the events of this book, which lead to lots of time spent researching the history of the Dominican Republic. Before this read, I knew next to nothing about the country, and now, that's totally changed.

The book feels mournful from the start, as the reader knows these women are doomed. Nonetheless, each feels like a fully realized woman with personality and desires, hopes and sorrows. I only became emotional during the epilogue, when Alvarez details the impact of these four women following the murders. I genuinely felt I had watch three women die far, far too young, and I commend Alvarez for that.

Alvarez has accomplished a powerful, insightful novel about women and the Dominican Republic. The day of their death, I learned too, would become the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. That's kind of a big deal! It's a personal, emotional read, and I'd recommend it to any and all readers who want to understand a massive part of history in a quiet corner of the world. RENT IT!

Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

By Brandon Sanderson - I am no stranger to Sanderson's work, but I knew almost nothing about his four "Secret Project" novels. Of them, this one attracted me the most because romance + fantasy = yippee!! Unfortunately...I sort of hated this book.

I love the Mistborn series. Really enjoyed The Way of Kings and Elantris. Adored Warbreaker. Again, I am quite familiar with Sanderson's cosmere and his style of writing. Yumi was akin Sanderson's modern Mistborn books--fun, but lackluster. Where Alloy of Law and its sequels are campy, Yumi is just embarrassing. I was cringing SO MUCH at Sanderson's constant need to explain away all the mystery of this book! Mystery is good, I kept screaming! Ask Nix! I don't need an explanation for every little thing! When he wasn't explicitly saying, "Yes, we are definitely in fantasy anime Japan," he was covering for all the plot-holes that OBVIOUSLY weren't really plot-holes! Plot-holes I hadn't even considered, until his quirky narrator served them up to me out of nowhere! Why? I don't know! I don't know!!!

Don't get me started on the Japanese-cringe. It really felt like a mediocre, forgettable anime. At one point early on, Sanderson attempts to explain what MUST be Keigo, and...oof. So wrong, so misunderstood! And why attempt putting fantasy Korea into the mix when hardly any effort was made to do so? Why not make both Japanese fantasy? WHY?!

I'm getting angry just writing this. The book had a lot of potential to explore cool ideas; a nobody from a technologically-advanced society ends up in a position of import in a foreign land, where everyone thinks he's someone he isn't. The possibility for conflict was ripe. What if Painter thieved Yumi's body? What if he attempted to split their connection and seize control? His own body had been stolen and reshaped! Wouldn't he be disturbed, upset? I wanted some kind of betrayal, I wanted anger and agency, but instead, our two main characters are instantly peas in a pod! Everything's cool, all the time! Painter's secrets are small and unimpactful, and while the twist of Yumi's world WAS more worthwhile, it somehow lacked drama? How? The twist was huge, why didn't it feel huge! It was Broken Age and Your Name, but worse. If there were stakes, I didn't care about them!

To describe this book in one word, I'd say disappointing. Don't read this. Watch Your Name, play Broken Age, but just...just don't read this. Waste of my time! SKIP IT!

[our-transgender-experiences]

Hi Alex. Is it ok to vent a little bit a lot? It's completely fine if you don't post any response, I completely understand. This is a HUGE experience prompt to respond to.

I was birthed with the male sex (he/him) so you can call me that.

Over the past year and two months, I've been feeling just a little off. I keep a journal, and have since before that moment, so I have my experience written down carefully. In short form, I don't know who I am. In a longer form, I'm a weird, cringey high schooler who doesn't know who they are, who wears a galaxy backpack to school, who is agnostic (Christian, but can't prove it right or wrong), aromantic, and asexual. My experience isn't special by any means, in fact, I think I fit literally every queer stereotype known to mankind? Here's the best part: I live in Oklahoma, the famous place of Nex Benedict's horrific death.

About a month ago, I saw "Celeste" in a YouTube video about some of the hardest, but most enjoyable, games of all time. I looked it over, it's on sale for $5, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford that. So I got it and finished it within 3 days. I instantly recommended it to my brother, who also happens to be a little queer. He loved it too, but I STILL didn't know the backstory behind that game. Then, I saw the video. It was an amazing reading of Celeste, down to every minor detail of the game. One thing that stood out, was the fact that the both the creator, and the protagonist, were trans women. Even better: it was known for being a wonderful story of the trans experience, and I RELATED TO IT. EVEN BETTER: I had now recommended it to practically my entire friend group, including some incredibly religious people. So what was I gonna do about it? Not care, and continue onto the B-sides.

I want to say 5 days ago was when it really kicked in that "wait a minute, I related to Madeline in a very deep way, and she's a trans..." Now this is the climax, get ready. Because I had been journaling for so long, I had already written about my experience since those early days where I had that so-called dysphoria. And after I realized that could be because I'm trans, I immediately asked my parents what my girl names were before I was born. (doctors didn't know my sex until about two weeks before I was due) "Eden" is a pretty cool name, I guess I'll try it. I walk into my dad's office (works from home) that same day after school, and he immediately turns to me and asks: "So why did you need to know your girl names?" I immediately respond with "... idk?" Very convincing, well done. I text him after I flee to my room, "I'm experimenting, don't take that too seriously" He understands, and I'm at peace. Mom also takes it well, and we're good to actually begin the experiments I was "planning".

First up, change the online bios, like Discord. See how it actually looks on me. AAAAND my best friend sees it within a few hours. Not even prompted, we were talking, playing rocket league, and he just "hey why's your bio say you're experimenting with 'Eden' as your new name?" Explained, but he was in a weird spot. "I'm happy and will support you with whatever you **choose**." Key word there, I'm not choosing anything. I'm actually going with the flow so much more than he could imagine. But okay, we've got a pretty good ally on our side! Going great.

Except here comes "Part of Me" with the anxiety of what could happen, why I shouldn't do anything different around peers, and more importantly why I shouldn't experiment with myself. And to be honest, I believe that part of me. There's so many questions that I ask like "but what if it's all for attention?" or "but you always acted like a boy, why are you changing now? or "maybe the other Christians were right. you are a sinner after all, you're a bad person and you DO deserve to die." You know those.

And with those come the questioning part of it. Am I ACTUALLY just doing what I'm doing for attention? Like I said, I'm a high schooler. I'm a future aerospace engineer for SpaceX, I love computers, and I have top 1% test scores as a sophomore. I'm doing good with school, but that's exactly why I basically have one friend who is also up there with me. I'm not here to brag, I'm here to show that I don't get a lot of attention at school, it's basically all family members who care about me. So again, am I just trying this for attention? I don't think so, but that seems like what my brain would want me to say.

And to be honest, I needed this. I vent every day, but to nobody except Google advertisement algorithms out of Google Docs (my journal). I vent and cry into empty space, but maybe this is finally not just to my phone. This is to another human who I think has had a close experience to mine.

And of course I'm not going to ask you "who am I, who do I like, and what's my gender?" But I am going to ask you one thing: What's your take? I mean this is the trans experiences blog, but I'm not sure if I am a trans. I figured this was the best place to get a good use out of my time. Thank you so much for letting people like me do this, it seriously means a lot.

i'm glad that you feel that this is a space where you can comfortably talk about your experience, and question your gender. My advice, is to keep experimenting,and see where it takes you find out what you're comfortable with, it might take time, and it might change. It took me a while to get to where i am now, and even now i'm not 100% sure. i tried different labels that felt right at the time, but they changed later, and thats okay.

[becomingpart2]

bojack & the wire for the ask game :)

Yayy :D

Bojack Horseman:

my favorite female character: diane

my favorite male character: it's gotta be bojack lol

my favorite book/season/etc: season 4! although S6 is excellent too.

my favorite episode (if its a tv show): ohhh this is so hard. I love the view from halfway down, fish out of water, time's arrow and so many others but I'm gonna go with the old sugarman place because it impacted me so much.

my favorite cast member: love aaron but I'll pick alison brie bc she's great and I've loved her in three different roles.

my favorite ship: hmm I don't think I have one but I thought diane and mr peanutbutter was interesting from a character study standpoint.

a character I’d die defending: no one lol diane gets too much hate tho.

a character I just can’t sympathize with: okay so it's not that I can't sympathize with him but more that I really don't care about him - todd.

a character I grew to love: don't love her but I grew to appreaciate beatrice as a character. I also love her voice lol

my anti otp: don't think I have one.

The Wire:

my favorite female character: I like most of them but I gotta go with my girl shardene!

my favorite male character: that's so hard but bubs.

my favorite book/season/etc: season 4!

my favorite episode (if its a tv show): 4x12 That's Got His Own

my favorite cast member: I don't know much about the cast but I know michael k williams was cool af

my favorite ship: avon/stringer 4ever!

a character I’d die defending: dee!!! he did nothing wrong!

a character I just can’t sympathize with: I guess nick sobotka. I just didn't really care about him. Ziggy despite everything managed to make me feel sorry for him in the end.

a character I grew to love: bodie. we went through some tough times (if you know, you know) but he got me in the end.

my anti otp: don't think I have one either.

Thank you!!

[akashicpoint]

Alright, just finished with Ghenry's new video on Henry Cooldown (Go watch it /watch?v=AJHDivrRIl8 its good!) and I just wanted to slap some of my thoughts down because A. I haven't spoken on here in ages :' ) and b. I also didn't talk in the discussion about Henry in the discords when I should've :^) I'm literally just gonna ramble about my thoughts, so I'm going to put it under a read-more

While Henry was a last-minute character in the og, I do still actually believe that his goal would've been the same as Sylvia's was in the original ending. I never got to discuss this, but no more heroes assassins' fights reflect one another. Almost like an above-so-below type deal as Travis is pushed deeper into the cycle of violence. The climax of that reflection is of course the post-fight cutscene in rank 6 where Travis finally realizes what it means to be an assassin. So where would Henry fall into that reflection? While he is in rank 5 of course, I would like to focus on his actual post-game battle, as he is supposed to reflect the fight with Helter Skelter in the opening cutscene. Besides the obvious similarities in color schemes between the two, I'd also like to mention the line Travis says about Helter: "And there he was: this cat, well-dressed, cool. Couldn't tell if he was the shit, or just plain old shit." This could be applied to both Helter and Henry (both h names too wow amazing) in their styles and presumed attitudes. Here we see that Henry is "the shit" to Helter "plain old shit". Instead of Travis getting the upper hand and winning against Helter, we see the script flip to now have Henry killing Travis (In my opinion). Of course, we see how the game is now series-wise, but when the game was JUST going to be nmh1 I feel Travis was meant to die.

Also small side note, I like that Travis is on the same side of the screen when he both beheads Helter and is about to have the final slash with Henry.

Really gives the vibe that Henry is now in the position Travis was during their final blows. OF COURSE, this is just my opinion on that.

This is a very loose look at my reflection as above so below shit of course, when I get the time I'll refine that a bit more. NMH2 I have nothing to say because NMH2 had nothing to say or add to what little character he had at that point, but I do find it funny more people believe NMH3 is where Henry's character was assassinated and NOT 2. I feel that nmh2 really just put most characters on the backburner if they weren't Travis and to a lesser extent Sylvia. Henry definitely was put in there just because he was a fan fav and went "okay I guess?" Also yes, Henry doesn't have any character in nmh1 and 2 besides what HE tells us about him and we just have to assume that is his character and what we can infer about him based on how he acts or for me how he dresses. That's not a bad thing, and its improved upon by TSA and NMH3. NMH3 is great btw. Love what they did to Henry, still has the same goal as NMH1 but now a darker more fucked up version of him doing it and some added weight to it.

[this is him btw] I personally love that he became this way due to Marvel because yea that seems right for Marvel fans and also I'm reminded of the end cutscene in Moonlight Syndrome of Ryo fully losing his mind while looking at Mikas....something on the TV! (There's a lot more nuance to the change too but I can't make this SUPER long) I feel there are a lot of moonlight elements in NMH so I enjoy that. Also, his voice change doesn't bother me, and it's even funnier that no one comments on it.

While I'm not too on board with the hell theme personally (still enjoy it though). Love the idea of Henry being the devil LMAO. I always saw the phone calls Travis receives from Henry and Sylvia as another aspect of the as above so below point, so it's fun to see this brought into it. Side note, I assume Henry knows about Travis already due to having some hand in Sylvia's scheme/not scheme. It's definitely him on that answering machine. Of course! I could be wrong. Regardless, while I don't think Travis is in hell per se, I will say that the NMH series gives me a lot of Truman Show vibes with how it presents itself. Profiting off Travis's descent into violence. While Sylvia I feel wasn't a god in the first one, she's definitely become one as the series went on. It also wouldn't be the first time Suda has worked with god-like figures (Moonlight Syndrome) and could even relate her as a sorta Mithra-like figure. Of course, that's more of a shaky look at that theory. I still enjoy it though!

Hopefully (if youre reading this pls :^) ) Ghenry will do a more in-depth look at Sylvia in the future and how she's evolved as a character in the series! I have my thoughts on her, but I love hearing how others see her and her involvement in the series. I didn't talk about EVERYTHING and didn't go as in-depth as I wanted to because...I didn't want this to be any longer, but in the future I will try and talk more on my thoughts! (Or send me asks if you want ;) ) Also side note side note: Thank you Ghenry for including the best shirt from nmh1 in the video MIAMI BASS BABY LETS FUCKING GO.