#like cool advocating. still ableism

[pa-pa-plasma]

so this post is definitely about me lol & i just wanna say that

me only having mental illness is a really big assumption

the experiences i talked about were my own & some friends i'd had while going to an alternate school, they weren't secondhand or made up

idk what is wrong with this person but they are super fucking ableist, & going through their blog, it's clear they love to accuse everyone of faking being disabled or needing accommodation for some reason & are obsessed with interacting in bad faith.

just gonna assume they're constantly having a really bad day every day but man if you're gonna make multiple blogs dedicated to speaking about disabled issues, maybe don't alienate a majority of the community & accuse them of not being "disabled enough" for you to fucking listen to them

[cripplecharacters]

Sorry to bother you,

Your blog is wonderful! Since it's one of the most dialogue/explanation oriented, i wondered if i may please come to you with a more general doubt. i'm sincerely confused... Why is "curing" disability bad per se?

So far, the arguments (on Tumblr) seem to be,

i. Consent.

ii. Generalisation. ("Everyone will want this same thing".)

iii. The undercurrent ideology holding disability as a flaw to be "cured" (including the use of the term "cure").

On which we all agree, they're implicitly bad no matter if it's disability or a haircut. Very well.

But.

What of magical healing per se is inherently bad? Because being given a choice implies that for every given person agreeing, there are going to be others who won't. So we should still write our fantastical society around them, that's not in any way in question.

But these, the possibility of magical treatment and the non-necessity of the same, are not mutually exclusive. You don't have to "take one before the other", they can very well coexist.

Last question (i promise), is seeking treatment for oneself bad?

Like, if there came up a quest to get the glittering flower blooming once a millennia guarded by the Evil Dragon of Evil and capable of magically taking away OCD and PTSD, sign me up! Or if there's a spell to resuscitate my thyroid or an alchemical pill that solves ADHD's executive dysfunction. i mean, that's kind of what my medications should do if they weren't so costly and inaccessible, and that would be a one-time thing too.

Autism's doing alright, i'd keep everything, thanks.

Disclaimer, i'm obviously not advocating for eugenetics (as this term has been often used and misused in these discussions, better to precise).

All these conditions in one way or another define me and effect my life in a pervasive, quotidian way, or/and on a more existential scale. Not always in bad ways -my life is not a tragedy, and this i wish to make clear. i'm not saying that a "magic cure" should come before a change in society to accommodate disability. What i'm advocating for is their coexistence, as a choice -not evil per se, but nocive if inserted in a context of ableism, negation of individual consent, and, indeed, choice.

Or at least that was what i was arguing for until a few months ago. Now however, seeing as the collective opinion is one of strong rejection for these ideas, i believe there must be some important fallacies in my reasoning, and i wish, before everything else, to correct them. To understand.

Sorry for the monologue, but, may you help me?

Thank you for your time and for your kindness,

Anonymous Sloth.

Thank you for your ask! The reason curing disability is bad in media is because the disabilities cured often cannot be cured in real life. People with incurable disabilities already have so little representation, taking away the characters they see themselves in with an impossible cure is incredibly disheartening. I live with multiple incurable physical conditions, and I’ve accepted that I’ll live with them for the rest of my life. Day to day I already deal with people saying how much better my life would be if I didn’t have these conditions I had no choice in getting, I don’t want to see that in my stories! If someone has my conditions I don’t want the author to get rid of them with magic, I want to see that character going on cool adventures and being badass! Sure a magical cure might be nice, but that’s never going to happen. I’m going to be living in this body for the rest of my life, and I want to see stories where people like me get to live their lives with their conditions!

Disabled people should be allowed to see themselves in sci-fi and fantasy stories! People who can’t be cured, who can only have their symptoms managed, who have to be on medication/assistive devices the rest of their lives and who don’t want to be cured should be allowed to see themselves in media without the constant reminder that most able bodied people think their lives would be so much better is they would simply stop being disabled.

Additionally, even conditions that do have cures or ways to manage them aren’t realistically portrayed. There are never any symptoms, side effects or rehabilitation, it’s always portrayed as a magical cure that completely gets rid of the disability. This rarely happens in real life, and I don’t think it’s wrong for someone who shares a condition with a character to want to see that condition accurately portrayed.

It’s perfectly fine for a disabled person in media to want to seek treatment, plenty of disabled people in the real world also have to fight to get treatment (though the fighting is usually against insurance and doctors, not dragons and wizards). But like I said above, it should be at least somewhat realistic. The world is already over saturated with stories of people getting magical cures that make everything better forever, but what about cures with long lasting or permanent side effect? What about healing that requires extensive physical therapy? Or someone who needs to take potions for the rest of their lives to manage their condition? These realities should also be portrayed. Sure maybe some people want to see an escapist fantasy where their conditions could get cured, but not everyone wants that and it’s almost entirely done by abled authors who fathom why anyone would want to see a disabled person who isn’t trying to ‘overcome’ their disability.

We’ve also reblogged this post & answered this ask that deal with similar topics if you want to check them out.

I hope this helps! Have a nice day,

Mod Rot

-

Everything Mod Rot said.

Basically, it's like giving us representation and then taking it away. Readers with that disability are going to read that book and relate to that character. Having a character like you in a work can be so important. But then the character is magically cured of an incurable condition, and now they're completely abled. Good for them. But the reader is still disabled. The reader will still always be disabled.

Disabled representation is already so rare. It's not really nice to take away what little we have.

- Mod Aaron

Echoing what everyone else has said, I want to add an extra thing:

If there was a wealth of disabled characters in media, represented with respect and nuance and care and all that, some stories involving disability being cured wouldn’t feel out of place, because there would already be so much to see that it would be an interesting departure and not posed as the only option for a happy ending.

And if you’re writing something about curing a disability that you have because that’s your experience and it’s what you want, that would make sense as well.

But since so many representations of disability in media have the underlying message that the only way to truly be happy or worthy or whatever with a disability is to have it cured, to have the least amount of signs of disabilities ever, then adding more of the same to that can be not just frustrating but harmful.

An “overcoming” of disability, a “making invisible” of a visible disability, or a cure for a disability are not the only stories worth telling about disabled people—because they are also not the only lives worth living for disabled people.

— mod sparrow

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Hey as a disabled person you're "disability is miserable all the time and disabled lives aren't worth living and every day is a nightmare" narrative is still ableist, still harmful, and still disgusting even if you are also a disabled person!!! If I see you in the disability tags ranting about how you hate people talking about disabilities as if they aren't the worst possible thing to ever happen to a person because YOU hate yourself I'm going to lose my shit!!!! You have internalized ableism :D and need to work through that :D !!! And I don't want to see you preaching about how I'm either faking or delusional because I should be depressed and self-hating and miserable every goddamn day like you are!!!!

This is what gets disabled people killed!!! This is what gets people literally murdered by doctors because the doctor decided that life with an intellectual disability or in a wheelchair or whatever isn't worth living and they should just die!!! This is something disability rights advocates are continually fighting against!!! Yes being disabled is challenging but you can love it anyway, you can love yourself anyway, and love your LIFE anyway, and a life with challenges or struggles isn't inherently worse because your worth and the worth of your life is not tied to what you can and cannot do!!!!! Being autistic DOES block off a lot of things but that doesn't mean my life is horrible and endless suffering because guess what?? I can find happiness and fulfillment in things that ARE available to me, and I also don't have to mope about what I can't do because not being able to do things isn't a curse or something that deteriorates my worth!!!!

You don't speak for other disabled people when you whine and complain about how people shouldn't be posting positively about disabilities!!!! And in fact!!!! Seeing your posts makes me angry and hurt and upset!!!!!

Being in chronic pain is painful and pain sucks, but that doesn't mean you can't still love yourself and who you are INCLUDING that. Having ADHD and struggling to eat can suck but that doesn't mean you can't see it as a part of you and still love yourself even though it makes things hard.

"I would give anything not to be disabled" cool well even when I am crying and throwing up and having panic attacks, I wouldn't change being disabled. Because yeah it has downsides, that's why it's a disability. But it's still a part of me. It's still a part of who I am, and it's still an experience worth having and a life worth living, and I don't want to change it. It's mine. I am not a goddamn tragedy, I am a person, and I resent being treated like my pain makes me some sob story. if you would be abled at the press of a button then good for you, but don't go preaching from the rooftops about how all disabled people feel that way and it means you can't make positivity posts for disorders or disabilities or make quirky memes about it. Your problem is not my fucking problem.

"stop making this disorder quirky and cute" I can do whatever I want with my own fucking conditions thank you very much, and so can other people with theirs. As long as no one is being ableist or using definitions wrong (ex; that dumbass delulu trend) then they should be allowed to make relatable jokes about being a cane user or being mute or having schizophrenia, don't tell other disabled people how to talk about and think about their own disabilities. Like, I like being a system. I like having AuADHD, I like making silly jokes about how I can't eat anywhere because of how nightshades react to our autoimmune disorder, I like how our dogs lick our legs all the time because they can smell when it's acing up, I like calling gluten and wheat "poison" jokingly. Don't tell me to hate it because you hate it, just leave me the fuck alone.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[fdelopera]

These Moon Knight volumes are my children, and I love them very much!

Volume 3 of MacKay’s Moon Knight run just dropped! Cappuccio, Sabbatini, and Rosenberg’s artwork honestly looks even more beautiful in print.

This volume includes Issue 14. MacKay worked with Leyna & Co, a system and DID advocate, to write Issue 14. Leyna wrote much of the dialogue between Marc, Steven, and Jake for the issue, which is why their struggles with each other in their headspace sound so authentic.

Contrary to what seems to be popular belief about MacKay’s run, Leyna & Co only worked on issue 14 — the rest of the run is written by MacKay alone (except for one issue inexplicably written by Danny Lore). Hopefully MacKay will involve Leyna again in later issues. Issue 14 is among the best entries of Moon Knight, and it’s because it was written by a system. Really hoping that more systems get to write for Moon Knight in the future.

If you want to learn more about how Issue 14 was created, MacKay and Leyna were recently interviewed on a podcast about their writing process. Unfortunately, the podcast hosts talk over Leyna quite a bit and use some outdated and ableist language to discuss DID (so be prepared to cringe), but it’s still really cool to hear Leyna describe what it was like to work on the issue. It's also good to know that it was a positive experience for her, working with MacKay. 

Leyna & Co were the first system to write for Moon Knight. May they not be the last. If Marvel is going to continue to profit off of systems by publishing Moon Knight comics, the least they can do is bring systems into the writers room. Ultimately, they need to hire systems to helm future Moon Knight runs. Maybe then we can avoid some of the more egregious ableism that has plagued most of the Moon Knight runs of the past. In the future, may runs like MacKay’s be the rule, and not the exception to it.

[lifeofcynch]

Do you also feel increasingly frustrated by the amount of self-diagnosed autistics speaking over actual autistics? I'm autistic and I hate seeing people claim that a person knows more than somebody who has studied this mental disability for decades. It's even worse when they say that autism isn't a disability and that society is the problem...

oh, 100%! i don’t see why people who haven’t actually been confirmed autistic should speak over diagnosed individuals… my stance is that it’s fine if you feel you might be on the spectrum. but don’t go around claiming you absolutely are when you haven’t been professionally diagnosed yet. that feels extremely disrespectful. listen to individuals that know for a fact what it’s like, instead of spreading possibly harmful misinformation. i keep seeing young impressionable people claiming to be autistic because they’ll eat foods weird or they don’t always recognize sarcasm, which is just…….. like allistic people can have traits like that too! god it’s annoying.

and yea, autism very much is a disability. to be honest, i can’t wrap my head around how any actually autistic person could enjoy their autism. feeling proud of your accomplishments despite your issues, and advocating for yourself in the face of ableism is one thing. however, in no world could it be fun to constantly misunderstand and be misunderstood, get overstimulated and stressed to the point of meltdowns, have stims that involve harming or inconveniencing yourself, feel unable to engage with things that aren’t within your specific interests, get so overwhelmed that you physically can’t speak, have a hard time making friends, be an easy target for bullying, manipulation, abuse and gaslighting, fail at school subjects because the way things are being taught to you just isn’t compatible with your thought process, have sensory issues, only be able to eat or drink specific things because you can’t handle certain tastes or smells or textures, become stressed out over minor changes in routine, not feel in control over your emotions, be seen as naive, childish, unintelligent, cursed, broken, be treated as a fucking antivax pawn, and so much more. (not saying i’ve experienced everything on that list, but those are some of the hardships that autistic people face because of their condition.) autism isn’t fun, quirky, cute, cool, or a «superpower». anyone who claims otherwise doesn’t know shit. even if society was more accomodating to us, our brains would still be wired in ways that cause many hardships.

sorry for going off, this is just something i think about a lot that frustrates me to no end. i’m tired of seeing people’s conditions turn into cutesy little trends on the internet.

[sparklingtapwater]

Hi! You're one of the only active tattoo artists I follow on here and I wanted your opinion on a couple of things,

What's your opinion on tattooing pieces on first timers, is it annoying if they choose intricate or larger piece you know would be difficult to sit thru for a first tattoo?

How do you feel about tattoo tickets, paying a nontattoo artist for a design and taking it in to a tattoo artist do tattoo

Are previous flashes (think halloween or Friday the 13th) off the table once that event is done?

Thanks in advance.

howdy !! i appreciate you asking because i know sometimes when you ask artists questions like this they get pissy and are kinda egotistical ! but i am very happy to answer your questions !!

when it comes to giving people their first tattoo, i think it can be a very fun experience. i will almost always advise a first timer to avoid extremely painful spots, like ribs, calves, and bony places like the ankles. i always recommend getting something small to see how your body handles pain ! that’s the best way to advocate for your pain tolerance and have an idea of how you’ll do with bigger pieces ! as for “difficult to sit through” pieces, i think that topic comes with an edge of ableism. this is no fault on your part obviously! but i’ll explain why i think so.

being able to “sit well” has always been a pet peeve of artists throughout the community, it’s something we encounter in our careers daily. however, penalizing a client because they can’t sit well is ableist. you as an artist simply have to adapt. i’ve tattooed disabled clients, people with chronic illnesses, people who need to take multiple breaks and who need to be provided snacks and water and lots of time to rest in between parts of the tattoo, and none of that bothers me. because implying that you will blacklist someone or simply not tattoo them because they “can’t sit well” is just ableist. there are artists out there who can tattoo everyone from people who have parkinson’s to people with things as minor as anxiety fidgeting. the tattoo game is changing and more trans, queer, poc and disabled people are pioneering a new and more inclusive era of tattooing.

but yes to wrap up that very long tangent, it’s not that i find it annoying ! it’s that i will always recommend taking a small bite before making yourself a huge plate. just to make sure you like it 🖤

as for tattoo tickets, i love them ! i think they are a very cool concept. i sold them all throughout my apprenticeship. now that i can tattoo them myself if it’s a design i haven’t had the chance to do yet then i won’t sell tattoo tickets for it ! however, the flip side is that you will have artists who know nothing about the intricacies of tattooing, or how to draw something in a way that is tattooable, making art and selling it as though it is. this does make our job harder because we more often than not will have to redraw and redesign an entire piece and that could piss off the original artist and the client. they can but fun, but i’d steer clear of purchasing tattoo tickets from anyone who isn’t a tattoo apprentice ✨

now for the flash event pieces, i’d say it’s usually up to the artist ! i know for myself personally they are available to be tattooed year round, however they will not be offered for the special event day price. the whole point of an event day is the reduced price ! so usually artists will still tattoo them but they will adjust the price to either their shop minimum or their personal hourly minimum !! this is something that it doesn’t hurt to actually ask the artist a few days before the event just to make sure you don’t miss out !!

i hope this was helpful ! i’m here to gladly spread information and knowledge on a better and more inclusive world of tattooing, so let me know if you have any more questions !

[gendernewtral]

okay non-disableds. let’s have a chat.

in my actual real life college class, i had someone say that i talk about disability rights too much, and that i should only focus on relevant issues like feminism and anti-racism.

i can’t even begin to express how fucking furious that made me, but im going to anyways. (tumblr line breaks are so, so big so there’s a readmore to avoid clogging up dashes. but if you’re non-disabled, id really appreciate the read)

first of all

how did i miss the news that disabled women and people of color vanished off the face of the earth?? i didnt, because it’s fucking ridiculous to assume that disability activism isn’t also feminist activism, sn’t also anti-racist activism.

disabled women and poc are part of the community that disability activists are advocating for, and as a matter of fact, are often extremely visible advocates (like jameela jamil who has been advocating for physical disabilities recently, carrie fisher who was always an advocate for people with bipolar and other mental illnesses, and judith heumann who’s kind of a legend to us lol). im actually gonna drop a link to a timeline of women disability activists because it’s so cool.

okay now back to my point-

disability activism is relevant because it’s considered irrelevant. non-disabled leftists and “activists” love to shove disabled people aside and make it literally impossible for us to be involved. non-disabled activism is very rarely accessible to disabled people.

when we talk about our experiences as disabled people, we are explaining the very specific ways that we are forced out of society. these ways aren’t the same as other forms of oppression. we are still pushed out by inaccessible buildings, ableist employers, and a healthcare system that doesn’t help us live our lives. we still face stigma that keeps us from existing in society.

the only way we can be activists and advocates for any other marginalized group is by first addressing the ableism we face within the communities that are supposed to be uplifting marginalized people.

yeah, disabled people talk about disability.

disability advocates and activists know what disabled people face and what we need. no non-disabled person does. when we talk about ableism, it’s because we’re trying to bring non-disabled people just a little closer to understanding our lives. we aren’t trying to “derail” a conversation about another marginalized group, we’re trying to remind you that there are disabled people in that group that you’re silencing by saying we can’t talk about disability.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Sorry to ask, but if you could answer ASAP I’d really appreciate it. I was raised Christian but my family doesn’t heavily practice it, and I consider myself sort of agnostic? I honestly don’t know where I fall, but I lean between that and believing in God sometimes. This is sort of a two part question and kind of messy, sorry. I feel like my belief in God is mostly out of fear rather than faith, like if I stop believing in Them I’m damned or something, especially as a queer person. (1/2)

cw sex mention

(2/2) My other concern is my high sex drive. I know it sounds silly to be mostly agnostic but worried about God judging me for having urges, but it feels like a profound fear just pounded into me, despite not having been raised by homophobic parents/church/etc at all. Sorry for the TMI, but I’ve never even had sex, just masturbate often and write/draw erotica because it helps me cope with my real life sex repulsion. IDK, can I get some assurance on this that God has no issue with it? Thank you.

____________

So. Okay. This probably isn't what you need at all but. when i first joined tumblr, ach. however many years ago......i remember seeing this one post and feeling all offended / scared about it -- but now? it kind of checks out:

Here's the post. It shows the solar system growing into the wider galaxy and universe aka how HUGE the cosmos is -- and it ends with a big blown-up image of White Jesus™ standing over that HUGE cosmos and all he's saying is "don't masturbate"

and i think back then i was offended because i was like "hey...Jesus does care deeply about the small things as well as the huge things."

But nowadays i'm like "yeah that post checks out" because when it comes to things that are ultimately harmless, like masturbation?? which when done right hurts no one?? and indeed can be helpful for an individual exploring their own sexuality and boundaries and the like (or, as you say for yourself, helps with coping with sex repulsion / exploring sexuality in a way that feels good instead of bad)??

why on earth would God be so obsessed with that over all the genuinely harmful things happening in Their universe?

It's very telling that the kinds of Christians who focus on things that don't bear bad fruit (and indeed, often bear good fruit) like sexuality are also the kinds of Christians who enable the status quo that oppresses so many people!! Like come on y'all, let's deal with white supremacy and ableism maybe? instead of harassing people for scrambling for what agency they can grasp in these oppressive systems and for enjoying their own physicality -- physicality that was gifted to them by God and called good??

_________

Whew uh. Sorry i started with the sex thing first. this is why i take forever to respond to most asks lmao -- they end up Like This. i'm so sorry.

i just want you to know that the fear you're experiencing about your high sex drive is super normal -- which sucks, but yeah. you are not alone. even without having had purity culture drilled into you in any specific way, it pervades our whole society -- you, and i, and everyone have been steeping in it whether we've realized it or not, and that's really hard to shake off. And if you wander through that purity culture tag i just linked, you'll find posts talking about how God does not will the horrible fear and shame this world forces on us when it comes to healthy expressions of sexuality.

anyway, to respond to the first half of your ask:

_________

People make jokes about agnosticism but honestly? i'm a big fan of it. Being open to possibilities even while not resonating with and/or being actively involved in the possibilities you're currently aware of makes sense to me.

I'm also a big advocate of going where you are most nourished. If Christianity isn't that for you, then that probably means it's time to venture outward. Doesn't mean you'll never come back, but if you find your spiritual nourishment and life fulfillment in a different religion, philosophy, or in a non-religious way of life, that's cool!

(I have a leaving Christianity tag with my responses to others who, like you, are considering leaving / have already left Christianity)

God does not will any of us to live choked by fear. If fear is the only reason you're still here -- move beyond that fear into flourishing. And know it's okay if that takes time.

Even as you journey elsewhere, it's probable you'll still have some lingering worries. I have a #fear of hell tag that might help you as you work through that fear.

Let me know if I forgot to address part of your ask, or if you have more questions! And best of luck to you on this journey towards what truly fuels you to thrive and bring thriving to others.

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

under the cut, a long update on Today When A Dude From Work Yelled At Me

tl;dr my boss is being even more spineless than usual, has explicitly told his two disabled female direct reports that if we experience more ableist nonsense from some guy who has already yelled at us he will not intervene or back us up because “conflict is healthy”

however, the director of another team was also there and at least she is not spineless!

also I fully hate my job and have resigned from interviewing applicants for staff positions here, because I’m worried that the next time someone asks what it’s like to work here I will tell them.

(I do know that “previously never having been yelled at in your workplace” is a big privilege few people have and I know I sound here a bit like my boss does every time he goes “wow I didn’t realize there was so much ableism,”)

(also yeah, he has repeatedly this week been like “I’m so surprised that ableism is so entrenched and people are so unwilling to talk about it,” and it’s like, buddy, you are surprised all by yourself here)

anyway, this meeting’s key players:

-my boss

-me

-my favorite coworker, who does a similar job to mine

-the woman who does my boss’s job, but in Canada

-the woman who does my job, but in Canada

-the jackass who yelled at us

-two women from his team, neither of whom said much, although one of them did decide, at a point well after her team member literally yelled at us, that the conversation was “over time, we’ve gotta go” and ended the call abruptly.

(I would pay money to see any backchannel conversations those team members were having during this call, like, do they totally agree that we’re being Extreme and Adversarial or are they like “uh, buddy, maybe we could back this up a step?” do the two women have a chat thread the asshole’s not in and what does it say?

but also I don’t need them to see the backchannel my team had that started out with “this is a lot of jargon, what does this mean?” and finished with, like, it’s a work software and if they wanted to IT could see it so there’s a line to be mindful of, but there was mild snark all around, and a few instances of me using the word “buddy” in the way where I would use “asshole” on a non-work chat software.

(Cool Colleague and I did at one point start a text message thread on our personal phones that’s just completely impolitic and 50% full-on swearing)

I would not be delighted if other people saw our Teams backchannel, but I would be willing to defend all of it, if I had to.

we haven’t fired one lady for “bullying other team members so bad that two of them quit explicitly because of her bullying and said so on the record,” so I feel like “being sarcastic on the work chat” is not a firing offense here.

also, like, they’d have to fire at least 2/3 of my department, which would be… kind of hilarious, actually? no one of us is individually irreplaceable, but if our whole department collapsed it would be a Bad Time For Everyone.

Cool Coworker is for SURE quitting as soon as she can line something up, so probably she’ll be replaced before I quit, but also, do you know how funny it would be if we quit simultaneously and the whole office was like “oh fuck, we needed those two people pretty bad, actually, maybe we should have done something the fifth or sixth time they said they were feeling undervalued and demoralized? whoops!”

anyway, as I said earlier, this meeting consisted of our three person team, the two-person team who does our job in Canada, and the team of which Yelling Man is the director

(today I learned that Yelling Man actively wants to quit working here, but can’t because “the CEO won’t let him,” is that a thing? how does that work? I’m sorry you hate it here, buddy, but you still can’t yell at me)

anyway, Canada’s department head had to leave the meeting early (by which I mean like 30 minutes after it was supposed to end, it continued after that) so I think she missed the yelling (now I wish she hadn’t, I feel like she was the person most likely to say “guy, you’re yelling at us, what if you didn’t?)

so the meeting ended, we debriefed.

I asked my boss to interrupt this guy if he raises his voice in future meetings. my boss said no, because conflict is healthy

I asked my boss if he would back me up/cover for me if I need to leave a meeting for 90 seconds to calm down because a dude is yelling at me. no, he will not do that either, because conflict is healthy.

there will be at least one additional meeting on this subject with a dude who yelled at us for calling out ableism and my boss has informed his two junior female disabled staff members that if this guy yells ableist nonsense at us a second time, he will do literally nothing to intervene or help us and he won’t try to call out this guy on how he behaved today, either.

I do genuinely appreciate the vast amount of off-the-record paid sick time I’ve gotten, but also, I am maybe ready to stop saying “my boss is so great, but sometimes…”

like, my boss is a spineless asshole, but sometimes he does nice things.

anyway! you know who is <not> a spineless asshole? the head of the department from Canada! she missed the yelling, but noticed how needlessly hostile and also incredibly ableist this dude was being, so she got the other Canadian to fill her in on the part she missed.

she is horrified and using words like “harassment”

she wants the folks on my team to meet with her individually to discuss and document how inappropriate this guy was, so she can do something about it.

I don’t know what our options are. despite being an org with somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 staff, I’m not sure we have an HR department?

we have the Talent people, who oversee our definitely garbage probably illegal hiring process (with interview questions like “what is your relationship with your mother like?” and “oh, but aren’t most disabled advocates just so mean all the time?”) so my hope is we can get Almost Anyone Else, but I don’t think there’s anyone else, it’s probably them.

-the Integrity team might be good, but as far as I know the three members of that team either just quit, are secretly quitting very soon, or are on sabbatical, and also I think they deal more with legal issues than just “some asshole yelling at work”

-and there’s Yelling Man’s boss, our CEO, who is not… famous for being a reasonable guy with a good understanding of workplace norms, acceptable behavior, nuance, etc. he’s also the guy who refuses to let Yelling Man quit, so I don’t know if he would be at all helpful here

but at least somebody is trying!

also, for a while I was interviewing candidates for jobs here, and I thought I could do a little bit of harm reduction. I would skip the wildly inappropriate interview questions, and I would be as honest as possible with people who asked what it was like to work here.

a woman I interviewed in January is quitting as soon as she can because it sucks so much here. her job is to tell people when we’re breaking the law, usually in ways related to privacy laws, but also I think some equity stuff.

I knew when I interviewed her that her job in particular would suck, I watched how people treated the other people who did it, ignoring them at best, belittling them sometimes. fuck rules, we’re innovators!

I definitely told her we had some strong personalities and it wouldn’t be an easy job.

in the meeting where everyone who interviewed her met to make a decision a dude tried to stop us hiring her because, essentially, fuck rules, we’re innovators, why do we need someone who cares about complying?

-the boss of her team, who has since quit, was like “we probably should try not to break the law, though”

so she got hired and now both of them are quitting because it sucks here and I feel complicit in getting her here.

- so I’m resigning from doing interviews with job candidates, theoretically because of “limited capacity” but actually because if someone asks me what it’s like to work here, I will not be able to hedge, I will absolutely be like “it sucks so much to work here. we do occasionally manage to do good work, but the process of making that happen in this incredibly dysfunctional environment grinds down staff. it is bad to work here, I am quitting the second I can, go somewhere else”

and, like, if I got lucky I could get away with that once, and also it would be a fun way to get fired, but instead of that I’m just not helping bring on staff anymore, because it makes me feel complicit when this place grinds them down”

[minnnieminmin]

30 days of autism acceptance but i only choose the prompts i want to:

April 3rd: How do you feel about dating/romantic relationships? Have you dated in the past/are you currently in a relationship/do you eventually want one? Do you feel that your experience of autism/stereotypes around autism and relationships impacts this? 

-have never dated and don’t have any desire to. 

April 4th: Are there any topics regarding autism that you feel don’t get discussed enough?

-oof, a lot. the fact that allistics/NT’s still talk over us/treat us like children, advocate for the wrong autism charities because they couldn’t be assed to google an actual good one. the fact everyone thinks we’re either useless members of society or that we all have some super special talented that ‘’makes up’’ for our autism. i have lots more but i’ll keep it short.

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

-i’m actually very good at sarcasm. mostly because of NT’s who think i’m dumb so i retort with very sarcastic answers just to shove it in their faces. no i don’t take everything literally either

April 10th: How important is representation to you? Is the representation that is out there generally good or bad? What is your favorite piece of representation? What you like to see more of in autism representation? What would you like to see less of?

-it’s important but it’s not at the very top of my list tbh.

April 11th: What are your thoughts/feelings about masking (a term for when autistic people hide their autistic traits)? Do you mask? 

-i mask a lot. mostly because i’m scared of being seen as ‘’overly autistic’’ because of, ya you know, ableism.

April 12th: Is there anything you find hard to do because of being autistic? Is there anything that you find easy?

-hard: talking to strangers, change. easy: talking/having deep conversations, reading facial expressions/body language, using sarcasm

April 14th: What do you like about being autistic?

-having special interests/hyperfixations (NT’s will never understand lmao), being a lot more genuine, honest and nicer than the average NT.

April 15th: Do you work? If so, what is that like for you? Are you open about being autistic at work? Alternatively, how open are you about being autistic? Do you tell a lot of people? Or just a select few? How do people normally react when you tell them? If you don’t tell people, then why? 

-i don’t work and i’m embarrassed by it. 

April 16th: What did it feel like when you interacted with other autistic people for the first time? What does the autistic community mean to you? How important is it? 

-it’s great to have a place where you’re understood and you can vent about our struggles. the community really helped me accept myself in a lot of ways. shout out to y’all 

April 17th: How do you feel about terms like “special needs”?

-not a fan but if other ND’s like it then that’s fine 

April 18th: Talk about identity. Is being autistic an important part of your identity? What does being autistic mean to you? Which do you prefer: identity first or person first language and why? 

-i used to use person with autism but then i recently changed over to autistic person. i think of it in two ways. that A) it’s only a small piece of the whole pie that is me/my personality. and B) even saying that it still does color everything that i do. every choice i made is because i’m autistic. i literally can’t help that

 April 19th: Do you enjoy music, or do you find it overstimulating? If you do like music, what kind of music do you prefer?

-people who listen to music all the time honestly confuse me. i only actively listen to music when i really want to/crave it. sometimes i’ll fixation on the same song/same band for a week or more. i do get overwhelmed if i listen to music for too long though

April 20th: What are some things that allistic people do that you find confusing?

-everything lol.  

April 21st: Do you stim? If so, what are your favourite ways of stimming? What does stimming feel like for you? 

-hand flaps, cracking knuckles (i know it’s bad yeah yeah), vocal stims (just high pitched noises) bite the inside of my mouth, probably other minor ones that i’m forgetting

April 22nd: What are some things allistic people can do to better support/accommodate autistic people?

-just not be ableist pricks and talk over us all the time. abolish autismspeaks and other sites similar to it. not solely focus on autistic children but teenagers and especially adults too. stop having both very low or very high expectations of us, stop treating autistic adults like children, stop making us think that we’re a burden, stop using us to make yourselves look better.

April 25th: Do you experience executive dysfunction? If so, how often? What is it like for you? What do you wish neurotypicals understood about it?

-yes!!! i use the spoon theory thing. it’s very annoying to have tbh, especially when you want to do things that you actually enjoy but can’t do. NT’s need to understand that’s not being lazy it’s being mentally and physically unable to do certain things. 

April 27th: What is your favourite form of media? For example, do you enjoy books? What format do you prefer for books (physical, e-book, audiobook)? Did you love reading as a kid but find it challenging as you got older? How about movies, tv, or video games? Do you have a favourite series? 

-youtube, tv shows and movies are my favorite medium. 

April 28th: If you could give advice to someone who just found out that they are autistic, what advice would you give? 

-i’d give them a friendly slap on the back and say ‘’good luck pal’’ lol. honestly though even i don’t know what to do i’m still trying to figure it out

April 30th: What would you like your overall message for autism acceptance month to be? 

-just that we’re cool people and NT’s need to shut the fuck up and sit down and listen tbh

[anotherkindofmindpod]

I hope you won't think of me of rude, but to me Lennon has always been a snake; he would never say the same thing and would often trash people and I hate it. He would openly make fun of poor Brian for being Jew and homosexual; he said nasty things during the screening of the movie Victim, a gay movie; he would call people " faggot " and other nasty names yet tries to cover it up by saying that " gays are beautiful ".... Let's not forget it please!

Hello listener, thanks for writing in.  We’re going to assume you are not a troll, and are voicing some real concerns.

First of all, it’s obviously your prerogative to dislike John.  Fandom is always 100% voluntary.  Second, if certain behaviors are deal-breakers for you as a fan, that is also completely OK and I would never argue that you MUST forgive anyone.  You can draw the line at whatever you want for any reason and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

Having said that, if you would like to love John and are having a hard time reconciling some of his past behavior, we’re happy to offer a few counterpoints.

To start, and this is less a defense of John’s behavior and more of a different perspective: all the Beatles have said and done stupid things and used inappropriate language in their lifetimes and if you really wanted to you could find problematic and cringeworthy comments/actions from all of them.  The Beatles were born in 1940’s Liverpool, in an atmosphere of normalized racism, homophobia and misogyny.  Unfortunately John died a full 40 years ago, when culture was very, very different and his legacy therefore includes some things that from a distance could appear shocking.  Part of the reason why Paul’s or Ringo’s missteps, for example, are less bothersome is because they have lived long enough to grow, evolve, acknowledge and even apologize for some of their entitled attitudes and language.  We absolutely believe if John were alive today, he would do the same.   As a matter of fact, John actually did apologize for some of his language, behavior and old fashioned attitudes in the 70s.  This is not to say he was perfect by 1980, or ever.  He was a work in progress, just as we ALL are.  Considering the world they were born into, the Beatles did a pretty good job of being decent people.  Not a perfect job, but a pretty good one and we believe that all four were/are genuinely egalitarian at heart and all of them strived to be good people (to varying degrees of success). 

This is a different argument from “Well, it was a different time so it was OK back then.”  The point is not that racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism, anti-semitism, etc is or ever was OK.  The point is that awareness was different at various times in history and context is an important factor.  Likewise, the fact that John was suffering from internalized homophobia doesn’t make his homophobic comments “OK,” but it does help contextualize them.  And to his credit, he did a lot of self-examination on the subject and tried to make up for it later.In general, we believe John wanted to improve and strived to become a better person.  Like all of us, he often failed.  The difference is that John’s failures were big and public and unfortunately some of them had lasting damage on others, most specifically Paul, Cynthia, May and Julian.  The bigger issue for us is when die-hard John Lennon defenders (Jean Jackets, as we call them) refuse to examine or criticize John’s behavior.  No one can seriously deny that John was a mixed bag; he undoubtedly had moments of greatness, but he also had moments of weakness and could behave in ways that displayed massive insecurity, cruelty and vindictiveness.  The dark side of John was obsessive, jealous and petty and John’s behavior towards Paul post-breakup falls into this category.  John said a lot of sweet, loving things about Paul over the years, but he said a lot of catty, childish and just plain nasty things too.  To say these things to friends is one thing; to say them to newspapers where they will be printed and memorialized forever is either wildly irresponsible or downright malicious.  We HATE that this behavior has been normalized (and even applauded!) over the years.  It is only a garbage culture that values washing your dirty laundry in public over respecting your own family (yes, we consider the Beatles a family).   So it troubles us when people fail to label John’s behavior towards Paul as such.  It’s dishonest, deeply insensitive and massively insulting.Still, we think it’s possible and permissible to love John despite his weaknesses.   What’s not ok is to label his nastiness as being “cool” or “powerful” or “tough” and to champion this type of behavior.  Venture outside of tumblr into the netherworld of Old School Beatles Fandom and you would be shocked how many people ADORE John the Bully.  It’s truly depressing.We at AKOM typically take up the mantle defending and advocating for Paul which, because Beatles fandom is so often divided into Lennon v. McCartney, can come across to some as being “anti-John.”  But we are not at all “anti-John,” we are simply intolerant of the worst of John’s behavior.  (Reasonably so, we believe)  Furthermore, we see zealous John advocates everywhere - in nearly every Beatles book, on nearly every podcast and fansite. We definitely think he is sufficiently revered.  On the other hand, we feel that Paul needs better advocates; people who can focus on him and his gifts and his strengths too.Fortunately, we do feel like the culture is changing, and it is now much safer to discuss subjects like these frankly.  Thank you for the ask and we hope we helped a bit. -AKOM

[serialreblogger]

You want to talk more about the bigotry in Harry Potter? Go ahead! I've actually heard stuff like that before, but have yet to do much research on it personally and it's been a while since I read it, so I'm interested.

WELL

Before we begin I should start with a disclaimer: this analysis will be dedicated to examining as many bigoted aspects of Harry Potter’s writing as I can think of, so--while I personally am more or less comfortable balancing critical evaluation with enjoyment of a piece, and strongly advocate developing your own abilities to do the same--I know not everyone is comfortable reading/enjoying a story once they realize its flaws, and again, while I think it’s very important to acknowledge the flaws in culturally impactful stories like Harry Potter, I also know for some people the series is really really important for personal reasons and whatnot. 

So! If you’re one of those people, and you have trouble balancing critical engagement with enjoyment, please feel free to skip this analysis (at least for the time being). Self-care is important, and it’s okay to find your own balance between educating yourself and protecting yourself.

On another note, this is gonna be limited strictly to morally squicky things to do with Rowling’s writing and the narrative itself. Bad stuff characters do won’t be talked about unless it’s affirmed by the narrative (held up as morally justified), and plot holes, unrealistic social structures, etc. will not be addressed (it is, after all, a kid’s series, especially in the first few books. Quidditch doesn’t have to make sense). This is strictly about how Rowling’s personal biases and bigotry impacted the story and writing of Harry Potter.

Sketch Thing #1: Quirrell! I don’t see a lot of people talking about Quirrell and racism, but I feel like it’s a definite thing? Quirinus Quirrell is a white man who wears a turban, gifted to him by an “African prince” (what country? where? I couldn’t find a plausible specific when I was researching it for a fic. If there’s a country which has current/recent royalty that might benevolently interact with someone, and also a current/recent culture where turbans of the appropriate style are common, I couldn’t find it). Of course, it wasn’t actually given to him by an African prince in canon, but it’s still an unfortunate explanation.

More importantly, ALL the latent Islamophobia/xenophobia in the significance of the turban. Like, look at it.

“Man wears turban, smells like weird spices, turns out to be concealing an evil second face under the turban” really sounds like something A Bit Not Good, you know? If you wanted to stoke the flames of fear about foreignness, it would be hard to do it better than to tell children about a strange man who’s hiding something horrible underneath a turban.

Also, Quirrell’s stutter being faked to make you think he was trustworthy is a very ableist trope, and an unfortunately common one. “Disability isn’t actually real, just a trick to make you accommodate and trust them” is not a great message, and it’s delivered way too often by mass media. (Check out season 1 of the Flash for another popular example.)

Sketch Thing #2: The goblins. Much more commonly talked about, in my experience, which is good! The more awareness we have about the messages we’re getting from our popular media, the better, in my view. 

For those who haven’t encountered this bit of analysis before: the goblins in Harry Potter reek of antisemitic stereotypes. Large ears, small eyes, crooked noses, green/gray skin, lust for money, control of the banks, and a resentful desire to overthrow the Good British Government? Very reminiscent of wwii propaganda posters, and in general the hateful rhetoric directed towards Jewish people by other European groups from time immemorial. 

I’m also extremely uncomfortable with how goblin culture is handled by Rowling in general. Like, the goblins were a people that were capable of using magic, but prohibited by the British government from owning wands. That was never addressed. They also had a different culture around ownership, which is why Griphook claimed that the sword of Gryffindor belonged rightfully to the goblins--a gift isn’t passed down to descendants upon death, but instead reverts to the maker. This cultural miscommunication is glossed over, despite the fact that it sounds like Griphook’s voicing a very real, legitimate grievance.

To be honest, apart from the antisemitism, the way Goblin culture is treated by the narrative in Harry Potter is very uncomfortably reminiscent to me of how First Nations were treated by English settlers in North America, before the genocide really got started. The Goblins even have a history of “rebellions,” which both raises the question of why another species is ruling them to begin with, and more significantly, is eerily reminiscent of the Red River Rebellion in Canada (which, for the record, wasn’t actually a rebellion--it was Metis people fighting against the Canadian government when it tried to claim the land that legally, rightfully belonged to the Metis. But that’s another story)

In sum: I Don’t Like the implications of how Rowling treats the goblins.

Sketch Thing #3: Muggles. Ok because we’re all “muggles” (presumably) and because I’m white, talking about this might rapidly degenerate into thinly-veiled “reverse racism” discourse, so please y’all correct me if I stray into that kind of colossal stupidity. However, I am not comfortable with the way non-magical humans are treated by Rowling’s narrative.

The whole premise of Harry Potter is that Evil Wizards Want To Hurt The Muggles, right? Except that it’s not. Voldemort’s goal is to subjugate the inferior humans, rule over non-magical people as the rightful overlords, but that’s hardly mentioned by the narrative. Instead, it focuses on the (also egregious and uncomfortably metaphorical) “blood purism” of wizarding culture, and how wizards would be persecuted for their heritage.

But muggles, actual muggles, are arguably the ones who stand to lose the most to Voldemort, and they’re never notified of their danger. We, the muggles reading it, don’t even really register that we’re the collateral damage in this narrative. Because throughout the series, muggles are set up as laughingstocks. Even the kindest, most muggle-friendly wizards are more obsessed with non-magical people as a curiosity than actually able to relate to them as people. 

I dunno, friends, I’m just uncomfortable with the level of dehumanization that’s assigned to non-magical humans. (Like, there’s not even a non-offensive term for them in canon. There’s “muggle,” which is humorously indulgent at best and actively insulting at worst, and there’s “squib,” which is literally the word for a firework that fails to spark.) It’s not like “muggles” are actually a real people group that can be oppressed, and like I said this kind of analysis sounds a bit like the whining of “reverse racism” advocates where the powerful majority complains about being insulted, but... it kind of also reeks of ableism. People that are not able to do a certain cool, useful thing (use magic) are inherently inferior, funny at best and disposable at worst. They suffer and die every day from things that can easily be cured with magic, but magic-users don’t bother to help them, and even when they’re actively attacked the tragedy of hundreds dying is barely mourned by the narrative. 

It gives me bad vibes. I don’t Love It. It sounds uncomfortably like Rowling’s saying “people that are unable to access this common skill are inherently inferior,” and that really does sound like ableism to me. 

Either way, there’s something icky about consigning an entire group of people to the role of “funny clumsy stupid,” regardless of any real-world connections there may or may not be to that people group. Don’t teach children that a single genetic characteristic can impact someone’s personhood, or make them inherently less worthy of being taken seriously. Just, like... don’t do that.

Sketch Thing #4: The house elves. Everyone knows about the house elves, I think. The implications of “they’re slaves but they like it” and the only person who sees it as an issue having her campaign turned into a joke by the narrative (“S.P.E.W.”? Really? It might as well stand for “Stupidly Pleading for Expendable Workers”) are pretty clear.

Sketch Thing #5: Azkaban. Are we gonna talk about how wizarding prison involves literal psychological torture, to the point where prisoners (who are at least sometimes there wrongly, hence the plot of book 3) almost universally go “insane”? This is sort of touched on by the narrative--“dementors are bad and we shouldn’t be using them” was a strongly delivered message, but it was less “because torturing people, even bad people, is not a great policy” and more “because dementors are by their natures monstrous and impossible to fully control.” 

“This humanoid species is monstrous and impossible to control” is, once again, a very concerning message to deliver, and it doesn’t actually address the real issue of “prison torture is bad, actually.” Please, let’s not normalize the idea that prison is inherently horrific. Of course, prison as it exists in North America and Britain is, indeed, inherently horrific and often involves torture (solitary confinement, anyone?), but like--that’s a bad thing, y’all, it’s deeply dysfunctional and fundamentally unjust. Don’t normalize it.

Sketch Thing #6: Werewolves. Because Rowling explicitly stated that lycanthropy in her series is a metaphor for “blood-borne diseases like HIV/AIDS”. The linked article says it better than I could:

Rowling lumps HIV and AIDS in with other blood-borne illnesses, which ignores their uniquely devastating history. And Lupin’s story is by no stretch a thorough or helpful examination of the illness. Nor is its translation as an allegory easily understood, beyond the serious stigma that Rowling mentioned.

That Lupin is a danger to others could not more clearly support an attitude of justifiable fear toward him, one that is an abject disservice to those actually struggling with a disease that does not make them feral with rage.

This definitely ties into homophobia, given how deeply the queer community has been affected by HIV/AIDS. Saying a character with a condition that makes him an active threat to those around him is “a metaphor for AIDS” is deeply, deeply distressing, both for its implications about queer people and their safety for the general population, and for the way it specifically perpetuates the false belief that having HIV/AIDS makes a person dangerous.

Sketch Thing #7: Blood Ties. This isn’t, like, inherently sketch, but (especially for those of us with complicated relationships to our birth families) it can rub a lot of people the wrong way. Rowling talks a big talk about the folly of “blood purism,” but she also upholds the idea that blood and blood relations are magically significant. 

Personally, I’m very uncomfortable with the fact that Harry was left with an abusive family for his entire childhood, and it was justified because they were his “blood relatives.” I’ve had this argument with ultra-conservative family friends who genuinely believe it’s a parent’s right to abuse their child, and while I don’t think that’s what Rowling is saying, I do feel uncomfortable with the degree of importance she places on blood family. I’m uncomfortable with the narrative’s confirmation that it is acceptable (even necessary) to compromise on boundaries and allow the continuation of abuse because “it’s better for a child to be raised by their Real Family” than it is to risk them to the care of an unrelated parent.

Genetic relations aren’t half as important as Rowling tells us. For people with a bad birth family, this can be a damaging message to internalize, so I’ll reiterate: it’s a pretty thought, the love in blood, but it’s ultimately false. The family you build is more real, more powerful and more valid than any family you were assigned to by an accident of genes.

I can think of one or two more things, but they’re all a lot more debatable than what I have here--as it is, you might not agree with everything I’ve said. That’s cool! I’m certainly not trying to start a fight. We all have the right to read and interpret things for ourselves, and to disagree with each other. And again, I’m not trying to ruin Harry Potter. It’s honestly, as a series, not worse in terms of latent bigotry than most other books of its time, and better than many. It’s just more popular, with a much bigger impact and many more people analyzing it. I do think it’s important to critically evaluate the media that shapes one’s culture, and to acknowledge its shortcomings (and the ways it can be genuinely harmful to people, especially when it’s as culturally powerful as Harry Potter). But that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t enjoy it for what it was meant to be: a fun, creative, engaging story, with amazing characters, complex plots, heroism and inspiration for more than one generation of people. 

Enjoy Harry Potter. It is, in my opinion, a good series, worth reading and re-reading for enjoyment, even for nourishment. It’s also flawed. These things can both be true.

[whoriginal]

So I recently got diagnosed with ADHD, and I have type one diabetes. I was watching a video by howtoADHD, and she said “no one would tell a diabetic not to take insulin”

This comment isn’t particularly offensive or anything, but it bother me because ppl do say that. They say “well if you just keep trying I’m sure you’ll get better,” “I had that and when I stopped taking all that medication I felt better,” or ,”cinnamon is the cure have smoothies for breakfast.” Or “eat less”. All of these imply that there’s a way I won’t need insulin & treatment; if I try hard enough.

The stigma around ADHD and t1d present themselves differently, and this isn’t really about that (or the example I gave in particular). I’ve heard ppl compare the stigma of mental health treatment to physical chronic illnesses and disabilities before. Here’s why that’s not cool:

1. It implies that physically disabled ppl don’t experience stigma over needed medication or treatment.

Generally speaking, neurotypical able bodied ppl have the idea that health isn’t coincidental. They think it’s merit based, something they can control. They think that everyone’s body& minds work exactly like theirs do. These concepts fuel ableism in any context.

2. You shouldn’t have to use an example relating to physical health (accurate or not) to justify treatment of ADHD or anything else. You can advocate and educate, and if that doesn’t work neither will examples like that. If you decide to take the time and energy to explain your existence and decisions to someone, and they still don’t understand, it’s because they don’t want to.

[innocent-until-proven-geeky]

Cool, let’s talk sneaky ableism in the form of conflicting accommodations!

Sneaky ableism is a phrase I use a lot in my personal life. I also say things like “sneaky racism” and “sneaky queerphobic” and “sneaky sexism”, but I personally have the most experience with the ableism. This generally includes one of two things: 1) ableism that is in some way socially acceptable to a point that only the disabled notices it; 2) ableism in conflicting accommodations, which we’re going to talk about here.

“Ableism in conflicting accommodations” is basically just a Ver way of saying “you helped this group but now my group is having a harder time and you seem to be having trouble considering that”.

An example:

At the end of my senior year of high school, a friend of mine and a sign language interpreter for a Deaf student formed an ASL club, because the ASL class had unfortunately been cut a couple years prior. During one meeting, probably the day of or the day after a fire drill, although I don’t remember now, we found ourselves on the subject of fire alarms.

Modern fire alarms for public spaces like schools are really cool. They’re designed to be loud and buzzy, and they have the big flashy lights too. This way, although Deaf people can’t necessarily hear the alarms, they can feel the vibrations and see the lights.

Unfortunately, as an autistic person, I personally have only the worst experiences with these alarms. Emergency drills used to elicit panic attacks from me, and eventually I got to a point where I needed to either leave early (we always knew about drills beforehand) or I would essentially freeze. The sensory overload when these alarms, as multi-sensory and loud as they are, was so bad that I could not actually get out of the building without someone guiding me.

(Before you get all “oh, but you have someone guiding you,” please think about how humiliating it is to have this happen in front of the entire school, and maybe about why we have fire alarms like this in the first place: because it’s humiliating and frustrating and kind of scary to know that you can’t get out on your own, and Deaf people maybe deserve to not have that? Like what do you think people did before these fancy fire alarms?)

Here’s the issue: the advisor for this club couldn’t seem to grasp why these fire alarms, an amazing accommodation for Deaf students and teachers, might be so awful for students like me.

That’s the sneaky ableism. She was (and, I assume, still is) an amazing advocate for our Deaf students, and when I didn’t understand the purpose of these fire alarms that made me feel so awful she explained them to me. But then she couldn’t understand the reciprocal. (Personally, I doubt she intentionally would have ignored it.) She didn’t think about autism and sensory processing issues and disorders as much because she was a sign language interpreter, and she fell into a trap of forgetting that this disability may have conflicting needs with the one she advocates for.

(And if you caught my earlier statement, so did I!)

This does not make her ableist. Or me. This trap, this sort of conflict of interest, doesn’t make anyone ableist. It is still a form of ableism that you, and I, and everyone need to be aware of. It is a form of ableism, and it is sneaky because each of us acknowledged one disability and the accommodations necessary for them but couldn’t really acknowledge the other disability. In our advocacy, we were still making ableist statements. Sneaky of us.

Here’s the deal, though: there may not be an easy solution to your particular conflict of interest. There may be no solution at all, and one community is unfortunately going to get the short end of the stick every once in a while. We can’t make everything fair and accommodating, even though I wish we could.

What we can do is listen and hear everyone out and refuse to fall into the trap of “my disability is more important than yours”. It’s not. No one’s disability is more important than anyone else’s disability. Let’s be intersectional about our disability advocacy and do what we can to be as inclusive as possible. Without sneaking in some ableism.

[mszegedy]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Days 17-26

This is a list of questions by @autie-jake (full list here), where you’re supposed to answer one per day for every day of April. I keep forgetting to do these daily, so here’s all the days since my last post. My last post is here.

April 17: Have you experienced ableism before? If so, how did it feel and how did you handle it?

Yes! Actually, it made my childhood so bad that my brain decided to forget it. So, clearly nothing to write about here.

April 18: Discuss how you felt when you felt when you first learnt you were autistic vs how you feel now.

I’m not good at the whole “remembering how I feel” thing. My memories of my feelings are all semantic memory. I know as a 6th grader I thought autism was super cool and I read a whole autobiography of an autistic savant because I wanted to find out more about it (Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammett). After a lot of intense research, I decided that I couldn’t conclusively self-diagnose, and regretfully slinked away back into not understanding or advocating for my needs. Sometime later, an actually autistic coworker of mine looked at me for like five (5) minutes, and was like, “Hey, have you been diagnosed with autism yet?” I’ve since adopted her as my second mom, for that and other reasons. I’ve had very few moments in my life when I was sad to have an autistic trait, and I got over it fairly quickly.

April 19: Talk about scripting. Is scripting something that you normally do? What kind of situations do you have a script for? Does it help you?

People don’t like my apologies, so I have a couple apology scripts saved. Otherwise I tend to just wing it and fail spectacularly. The apology scripts tend to sound… scripted, but they’re better than just doing it myself, I think.

April 20: Discuss stimming. In what ways do you stim? What does stimming mean to you? What do individual stims that you do mean? Do you have any stim toys? What would you like people to know about stimming?

Pressure stims are the most important stims for me. I’m more likely to be squeezing a part of my body than not. If nothing else, I can cross my legs tight and squeeze them together. This doesn’t have any specific function; it’s just something I do that makes me feel better. When I’m stressed, I do it more.

I also do motion stims. Often my way of locomotion is more like dancing. This is a little strange, because I don’t otherwise dance. I always feel happy, relaxed, and in control when I do that. When I’m sad or tired, my feet are too heavy for it. I am also very animate with my hands when I talk. When I taught English in Hungary for the first time, the first question I was asked whether all Americans talk with their hands as much as I do. (I don’t think they do. I have it on good authority from at least one American I trust utterly that the way I use my hands is rather unique.)

I have two improvised stim toys for pressure stimming (a scarf for wrapping very tight around limbs, and a butterknife for applying waves of uniform pressure). I also recently found one of those head scratchy thingies, and now I use it every five minutes or so. It’s a little inconvenient with headphones on, but I’m rather creative with it, anyway. I don’t actually like light touch or tickles, but generally the head scratchy thingy can be given enough pressure to provide a substantial stimulus.

April 21: Give a shoutout to some of your favorite autism blogs/autistic bloggers

UM. HMM. Like 10-50% of the people I follow are autistic, but hell if I can remember any of their handles.

I reblog from @nonbinary-hawke and their native issues-related sideblog @finding-my-culture like multiple times a day but I’m pretty sure they kinda just tolerate me? I’m mostly cut off from the actual native community I’m supposed to be part of (the Siberian one), so I try to follow American native issues with kind of a “not my lane but I’m still sympathetic” vibe, and their blogs are most of my way of keeping in touch. But we have a lot of other random things in common too; similar age, similar neurotype, similar fandoms, etc. So I’m pretty much always gonna have a platonic tumblr crush on them, given that and how much I respect their principles.

@autisticadvocacy is ASAN’s official blog, I think, and it’s always posting useful and relevant articles.

@autisticjoy and @autismisaokay are two blogs I’ve followed for most of my time on tumblr. I get the majority of my autism-related content from them.

@autistic-noodle is the first autism-related blog I ever followed! I highly recommend her; if I haven’t unfollowed her after all this time, then that means that they’ve never reblogged anything that’s triggered me, which is pretty darn impressive.

@bogleech is my favorite webcomic artist, which is a vaunted honor coming from someone with ¾ of a special interest in webcomics. I’m not actually sure if he’s autistic, but he posts enough autism-related content to justify being on this list one way or another.

I’ve definitely learned at least one useful thing from @autisticlifehack. What was it? Who knows?

@autistic-flirting is very cute, if not very active.

Shout out to @tikibats and @dreamfriend, who I actually know IRL.

April 22: What are some social rules that do not make sense to you/that you don't understand?

I’m, uh. Actually not sure? I can usually explain stuff if I think hard enough. There’s some stuff I’ve never bothered to figure out, but none of it’s so pressing that I can actually remember it.

Oh! Actually! One night during freshman year of college, I went to the computer lab to do my homework in a not-at-all-revealing bathrobe. I’ve received several explanations on why this was wrong, but I don’t remember any of them.

April 23: Do you have any internal rules? What are they?

LOTS, wow. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have any shred of consistency whatsoever. I am nothing but these rules. Some of them feel more like strong opinions that can be taken or left, like the ones pertaining to writing style, but even those I follow 99% of the time. They range from really foundational moral ones like, “Everything with a mind intrinsically deserves your friendship and understanding,” and, “Every neurotype deserves to exist,” to, “Always wrap code to 80 columns (unless it’s highly nested like Lisp, in which case consider 100 columns),” and, “When mixing fruit flavor tea, always pour the syrup before the tea.” It’s quite the hodgepodge.

April 24: Talk about community. What does the autistic community mean to you? Is it important? How does it feel?

I haven’t had much of a chance to actually participate in any autistic community yet. I don’t even really participate in the tumblr autistic community. It’s just sorta me, my second mom, and a couple random people I get to see occasionally. (Also, my dad, but we don’t talk about my dad.) Most of my friends are neurodivergent in some way, though, so I’m happy with the people I have. (Not that I don’t enjoy hanging around neurotypical people, too. But it feels good to not have to work to make yourself be understood.)

April 25: Do you know any other autistic people off the internet? Is anyone else in your family autistic or are you the only one? Do you wish you knew more?

See yesterday’s answer! I wouldn’t do this if I were doing these day by day, but I’m totally justified here, because it’s literally the previous paragraph.

April 26: In what ways can allistic people better accommodate you and other autistic people? What would you consider helpful?

It’s a broad question. My mom has been getting better at not punishing me for my autistic traits, but the other day she still antagonized me for stimming at the dinner table. (I’m 22. Nearly 23.) So it’d be great if she didn’t do things like that. Not even gonna talk about what my dad could do better. (The ways he does accomodate me seem unintentional.)

Outside of that, I appreciate it when people give me very clearly-worded instructions, broken down into small steps, with every possible detail specified. I appreciate it even more when those instructions are in written form, because I can only remember two or three of those when they’re spoken aloud.

I appreciate it when food places with complex menus have the option to just sit down with the menu, without a time limit, and make up your order. Sandwich and wrap places, like Subway, make me very uncomfortable for reason; Subway has an extremely combinatorically complex menu, and you’re expected to make up your order while they’re making the sandwich. I’d like to spend some time staring at a sheet with each sandwich ingredient listed and explained, and the ways they can be combined, first.

The current switch to online classes has been great for my ability to understand lectures, and terrible for my ability to do classwork and homework. Hearing the lecture through headphones circumvents most of my auditory processing issues, and seeing the lecture slides clearly circumvents most of my attention issues. But when it comes to doing classwork and homework, executive dysfunction rules me. I do wish my executive dysfunction were better accomodated for even in the case of normal classes (and probably careers), but it’s hard to guess what form that would take. I’ve run out of brainpower for good ideas.

For the rest of the month I will do these questions daily, one at a time. Hopefully.