#leaving christianity
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On tonight’s episode of Escaping Amish™ :
I pierced my ears !!!!! 🫨 11/8/24
#personal#diary of an ex fundie#exvangelical#ex christian#deconstruction#ex pentecostal#ex fundie#leaving christianity#ex fundamentalist
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Take me to church // I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies // I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Lyrics (c) Hozier
#illustration#religious trauma#leaving religion#comic illustration#ex christian#mental illness#black and white illustration#mental health#self h@rm#tw self destruction#ex religious#religious guilt#religious imagery#tw religious themes#religious art#leaving christianity#procreate illustration#religious horror#growing up religious#sainthood#suffering#faith journey#hozier#lyrics#lyric quotes#take me to church#again not inspired by the song but matching vibes
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I had a long faith crisis and decided to take a break ~3y ago. On it, I was way happier and realized that I don’t miss God or want to go back. When I was Christian (saying I’m ex-Christian does feel weird tho) it hurt a lot and I don’t feel called back to that/God himself at all. Yet recently I realized I miss church people. The kids I used to care for are growing up and I’m not there! That makes me sad. I don’t really want to, but could this be a sign that god’s calling me back?
Hey there. I'm glad you've found happiness after experiencing a lot of hurt in Christian spaces.
I think it makes total sense that you miss some of the people at your church — especially the kids! I think ultimately it's going to be up to you what you want to do, but what I will say is that missing those kids isn't the same as missing Christianity / church life as a whole.
If you experienced more hurt than nourishment there — and away from church you're experiencing more peace and happiness — then I don't see that as a pull to go back to church.
It really sucks, but making the difficult choice to leave a spiritual home comes with loss of some things and people that were nourishing to you — it's good to make space to grieve that, to be sad about it, even if you decide it's still for the best you left. And eventually to ponder where else you can go to fulfill those needs in you without the harmful stuff.
But yeah, you know your own context better than I do, more details about this church and your relationship to Christianity, etc. So in the end it's up to you, but here are some options I see:
Maybe you decide seeing these kids again is worth a visit to your old church, even if you don't go back to going regularly — but if you do visit, you'll probably have to deal with people's questions, possible judgment, and potential pressure to stay. :/ You might also have a whole bunch of emotions surface while you're there. Consider whether you're at a place where you can navigate all that and stick to what you want and need, rather than caving to pressure or nostalgia.
Maybe you decide that while you miss these kids, you will wish them well from afar — that you need to prioritize your safety and mental / emotional / spiritual wellbeing, and revisiting your old church will bring you harm. Trust that they are getting the care they need from other places, while you are working on getting the care you need.
Maybe you decide that while you can't see these kids you used to help care for, you do feel a pull towards childcare in general — in which case you might look around your area to see if there are non-religious-affiliated places that are looking for volunteers to work with kids; or if anyone in your life who has kids could use a hand watching them.
...And maybe right now you just Don't Know what to do. You don't have to make any decisions Right Now — the kids won't grow up and old this very week. You can give yourself a few weeks, even a few months, to see what your feelings transform into by giving them time and reflecting more.
The same goes for your relationship to the Divine. My personal understanding of Divinity is that 1) God never pressures or forces relationship upon anyone; and 2) relationship with God can be cultivated anywhere, not just within Christian spaces. You have your whole life to keep exploring where and when and how encountering Divinity will work for you.
I'm wishing you the best as you navigate these feelings and longings. Please keep yourself safe, and know I'm thinking of you! <3
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#no more#leaving christianity#leaving religion#exvangelical#ex fundamentalist#indoctrination#it was fear#christianity#fundamentalist#self love#trust yourself
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From @aprilajoyr on Twitter/X: "Idk who needs to hear this, but give yourself grace for the things you said and did when you were indoctrinated. Be proud of yourself for breaking free. Not everyone makes it out. When you know better, you do better. & that's no small thing. [heart emoji]."
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The Truman Show (1998) hits different when you are an deconstructing exvangelical
#exvangelical#ex christian#deconstruction#the truman show#90s cinema#jim carrey#leaving christianity
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I find it interesting to look back and see that one of the many things that eventually led to me leaving Christianity was a sermon my pastor gave on how you were ALLOWED to doubt, you were ALLOWED, and in fact encouraged, to explore your doubts.
So I did. And.... yeah.
Other things that played a part:
Parental abuse
Probably a subconscious desire to not be like my parents
C-PTSD
The fact that going to church had been triggering my PTSD for literally years at that point (I eventually stopped going, obvs) ((please note that I was not abused by the church! I actually had a pretty positive experience of Christianity! It was other associations that caused this.))
Feeling like my entire life was coming unmoored
Intense anxiety, including existential anxiety (and losing my faith DID NOT HELP OMG IT WAS AWFUL)
The specific way I was taught to view the Bible: IE not literalist (I was taught to believe in evolution, for instance), but that the Bible was historically accurate, and we could trust God BECAUSE we knew how he had behaved with people in history (supposedly)
Good background knowledge of the discipline of archaeology + learning about the actual academic archaeological consensus about Palestinian/Israeli archaeology
The specific way I was taught to view Christianity: IE, if you don't believe in the historical truth of the Bible, then you're not really a Christian. Very black and white.
Intense interest in the Truth and Getting Things Right, and an inability to let something lie when I knew it was Incorrect
The fact that Christianity had never really felt emotionally, spiritually, or aesthetically fulfilling to me (and that more esoteric beliefs/practices, like paganism and witchcraft, DID feel fulfilling)
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My mom teaching younger me that all beliefs are valid and you shouldn't judge someone because of it:
Also my mom when I told her that I left Christianity, became agnostic, and planned on converting to Buddhism someday (she told me that I would go to hell and that Buddhism is wrong, so sweet of her😊):
#mom problems#personal post#personal rant#hypocrite#agnostic#buddhism#leaving christianity#daughter and mother
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New book release: "Dreams of Loki"
I have published a novella, about spirituality, modern paganism and the struggles and joys of being queer: The young lesbian woman Vera leaves a conservative Christian cult, starting a new life in Hamburg. There she must find a place to live and a job. But Vera has an additional problem: in her dreams, a mysterious person appears who finally reveals to be the Norse deity Loki. Vera mistrusts this deity – is this some kind of demon? In Hamburg, Vera gets to know more queer people and also a Norse pagan …
Why did I write this novella? Several times, I heard stories about people who left a conservative or fundamentalist Christian cult or congregation and later went on a pagan path. But I do not know any fiction books which deal with this topic, so I decided to write such a story myself. This is also a devotional work dedicated to Loki. The ebook on Amazon (release on April 1, 2024, can be pre-ordered): Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/-/de/dp/B0CZ7G16S5/ Amazon.co.uk: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CZ7G16S5/Amazon.com.au: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CZ7G16S5/ Also available on all other Amazon shops worldwide.
A print edition will also be available on Amazon, on April 7, 2024.
#loki deity#norse loki#loki#lokean#pagans of tumblr#paganism#pagan#norse paganism#norse mythology#heathenry#leaving christianity#books on tumblr#book tumblr#booktumblr#new book release#novella#witch#witches of tumblr#pagan books#reading#reading love#new books#book#queer#lgbtiaq#lesbian#queer books
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I used to live my life by a clock. The ticking, relentless march of time marked by Sundays and holidays. It was a life punctuated by guilt and obligation. The pressure to conform, to believe, to behave in a certain way was suffocating. Then, I found myself on a different path. A path that led me away from the noise and into a world of ancient wisdom. A world that revolves not around a man-made calendar, but the rhythm of the Earth itself. Druidry has been a balm to my soul. It's a spiritual path that honors nature, ancestors, and the interconnectedness of all things. At its heart is the Wheel of the Year – a cyclical understanding of time that celebrates the Earth’s journey through the seasons. There’s a profound peace in aligning my life with the natural world. No longer am I a prisoner to the artificial constructs of modern society. Instead, I find myself in harmony with the ebb and flow of existence. Imbolc, the beginning of spring, is a time of hope and renewal. It’s when the land begins to awaken from its winter slumber. Beltane, the peak of spring, is a celebration of fertility and life. Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, is a time for gratitude and abundance. Lughnasadh, the first harvest, is a moment to acknowledge our reliance on the Earth's bounty. Mabon, the autumn equinox, is a time of balance and reflection. Samhain, the end of the year, is a time to honor our ancestors and prepare for the cycle to begin again. These are just a few of the sabbats that mark the Druidic year. Each one offers an opportunity for introspection, celebration, and connection to something larger than myself. It's a way of life that is both grounding and inspiring. Leaving behind the rigid structure of Pentecostalism was a daunting task. But in its place, I’ve found a spiritual path that resonates deeply with my soul. The Druidic Wheel of the Year has become a compass, guiding me through the complexities of modern life. It’s a journey of discovery, a celebration of nature, and a deep connection to something ancient and eternal. Have you ever considered exploring the Druidic path? What resonates with you about the Wheel of the Year?
#magick#witchy shit#druidry#druid#pagan druid#pagan holidays#witchblr#witchythings#paganism#leaving christianity#deconstruction#reconstruction#wheel of the year
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I'm so glad I changed my name. I let my old self lay to rest, her burdens are buried.
I'm reincarnated, a new vessel. A vessel that knows who they are, knows where to go for love and support. I've been making steps forward, to take care of myself.
I still carry her pain as a reminder of how cruel people can be. She cried because anger was unbecoming of a christian woman. She shrunk at the sight of a man, hoping for their approval. Waiting for someone to tell her that she was doing it right because she felt so wrong.
Whenever I see or hear mention of christianity I only become angry. I'm angry for her suffering. I carry her pain with me, but I'm stronger for it. I'm proud of who I am and I'll never let them hurt her again.
#ex christian#ex religious#tw christianity#leaving christianity#christianity is a cult#religious trauma
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BREAKING NEWS: Ex fundie -- who wore clothes 2 sizes too big for modesty purposes all her life IS ACTUALLY a sexy ass bitch !!!
#me#deconstruction#ex christian#personal#ex fundie#diary of an ex fundie#ex pentecostal#exvangelical#ex fundamentalist#leaving christianity#ta3#modesty can suck my ass#modest is hottest#immodest is hottest#pretty in pink#beach#sunset
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“You’re just church hurt” “that was man not god”
#church hurt#dique you were never a real Christian then#ok so I was faking 26 years of my life??#exfundie#ex fundie#leaving christianity#leaving religion
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One of the things that woke up me.
I was at an Wednesday Youth Group. The pastor said that some people come here just to cause problems and distrupt everyone else. Then told us to ask our selves why we where really coming to events.
It made me think about why I was actually going. I wasn't going for the right reasons. So that is when I started thinking for myself more.
I had been thinking about why I was going to youth church for a long time. Ironically that Pastor who was trying to discourage people from acting out. It gave me a big push to look inward as to why I was really going.
I was also getting to the age. Where the cutesy stories aren't told anymore. The harshness of the church's doctrine was starting to show.
I was also at the age of figuring myself out. Coming to terms with the fact that I might not be straight. That my understanding of the social parts of life was low. There where other things that happened around that time. Things that deserve there own post.
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#change your mind#beliefs#no arguments#you are ok#find your own path#have fun#enjoy life#leaving religion#leaving christianity#life after christianity
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A few thoughts while reading "Theologizin' Bigger" by Trey Ferguson.
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