#leaving christianity

[escaping-amish]

On tonight’s episode of Escaping Amish™ :

I pierced my ears !!!!! 🫨 11/8/24

[rachelleacomics]

Take me to church // I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies // I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

Lyrics (c) Hozier

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

I had a long faith crisis and decided to take a break ~3y ago. On it, I was way happier and realized that I don’t miss God or want to go back. When I was Christian (saying I’m ex-Christian does feel weird tho) it hurt a lot and I don’t feel called back to that/God himself at all. Yet recently I realized I miss church people. The kids I used to care for are growing up and I’m not there! That makes me sad. I don’t really want to, but could this be a sign that god’s calling me back?

Hey there. I'm glad you've found happiness after experiencing a lot of hurt in Christian spaces.

I think it makes total sense that you miss some of the people at your church — especially the kids! I think ultimately it's going to be up to you what you want to do, but what I will say is that missing those kids isn't the same as missing Christianity / church life as a whole.

If you experienced more hurt than nourishment there — and away from church you're experiencing more peace and happiness — then I don't see that as a pull to go back to church.

It really sucks, but making the difficult choice to leave a spiritual home comes with loss of some things and people that were nourishing to you — it's good to make space to grieve that, to be sad about it, even if you decide it's still for the best you left. And eventually to ponder where else you can go to fulfill those needs in you without the harmful stuff.

But yeah, you know your own context better than I do, more details about this church and your relationship to Christianity, etc. So in the end it's up to you, but here are some options I see:

Maybe you decide seeing these kids again is worth a visit to your old church, even if you don't go back to going regularly — but if you do visit, you'll probably have to deal with people's questions, possible judgment, and potential pressure to stay. :/ You might also have a whole bunch of emotions surface while you're there. Consider whether you're at a place where you can navigate all that and stick to what you want and need, rather than caving to pressure or nostalgia.

Maybe you decide that while you miss these kids, you will wish them well from afar — that you need to prioritize your safety and mental / emotional / spiritual wellbeing, and revisiting your old church will bring you harm. Trust that they are getting the care they need from other places, while you are working on getting the care you need.

Maybe you decide that while you can't see these kids you used to help care for, you do feel a pull towards childcare in general — in which case you might look around your area to see if there are non-religious-affiliated places that are looking for volunteers to work with kids; or if anyone in your life who has kids could use a hand watching them.

...And maybe right now you just Don't Know what to do. You don't have to make any decisions Right Now — the kids won't grow up and old this very week. You can give yourself a few weeks, even a few months, to see what your feelings transform into by giving them time and reflecting more.

The same goes for your relationship to the Divine. My personal understanding of Divinity is that 1) God never pressures or forces relationship upon anyone; and 2) relationship with God can be cultivated anywhere, not just within Christian spaces. You have your whole life to keep exploring where and when and how encountering Divinity will work for you.

I'm wishing you the best as you navigate these feelings and longings. Please keep yourself safe, and know I'm thinking of you! <3

[gramarobin]

[staywithyourselflove]

From @aprilajoyr on Twitter/X: "Idk who needs to hear this, but give yourself grace for the things you said and did when you were indoctrinated. Be proud of yourself for breaking free. Not everyone makes it out. When you know better, you do better. & that's no small thing. [heart emoji]."

[jupiter-juniper]

The Truman Show (1998) hits different when you are an deconstructing exvangelical

[delphinidin4]

I find it interesting to look back and see that one of the many things that eventually led to me leaving Christianity was a sermon my pastor gave on how you were ALLOWED to doubt, you were ALLOWED, and in fact encouraged, to explore your doubts.

So I did. And.... yeah.

Other things that played a part:

Parental abuse

Probably a subconscious desire to not be like my parents

C-PTSD

The fact that going to church had been triggering my PTSD for literally years at that point (I eventually stopped going, obvs) ((please note that I was not abused by the church! I actually had a pretty positive experience of Christianity! It was other associations that caused this.))

Feeling like my entire life was coming unmoored

Intense anxiety, including existential anxiety (and losing my faith DID NOT HELP OMG IT WAS AWFUL)

The specific way I was taught to view the Bible: IE not literalist (I was taught to believe in evolution, for instance), but that the Bible was historically accurate, and we could trust God BECAUSE we knew how he had behaved with people in history (supposedly)

Good background knowledge of the discipline of archaeology + learning about the actual academic archaeological consensus about Palestinian/Israeli archaeology

The specific way I was taught to view Christianity: IE, if you don't believe in the historical truth of the Bible, then you're not really a Christian. Very black and white.

Intense interest in the Truth and Getting Things Right, and an inability to let something lie when I knew it was Incorrect

The fact that Christianity had never really felt emotionally, spiritually, or aesthetically fulfilling to me (and that more esoteric beliefs/practices, like paganism and witchcraft, DID feel fulfilling)

[1800naveen]

My mom teaching younger me that all beliefs are valid and you shouldn't judge someone because of it:

Also my mom when I told her that I left Christianity, became agnostic, and planned on converting to Buddhism someday (she told me that I would go to hell and that Buddhism is wrong, so sweet of her😊):

[cavorta]

New book release: "Dreams of Loki"

I have published a novella, about spirituality, modern paganism and the struggles and joys of being queer: The young lesbian woman Vera leaves a conservative Christian cult, starting a new life in Hamburg. There she must find a place to live and a job. But Vera has an additional problem: in her dreams, a mysterious person appears who finally reveals to be the Norse deity Loki. Vera mistrusts this deity – is this some kind of demon? In Hamburg, Vera gets to know more queer people and also a Norse pagan …

Why did I write this novella? Several times, I heard stories about people who left a conservative or fundamentalist Christian cult or congregation and later went on a pagan path. But I do not know any fiction books which deal with this topic, so I decided to write such a story myself. This is also a devotional work dedicated to Loki. The ebook on Amazon (release on April 1, 2024, can be pre-ordered): Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/-/de/dp/B0CZ7G16S5/ Amazon.co.uk: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CZ7G16S5/Amazon.com.au: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CZ7G16S5/ Also available on all other Amazon shops worldwide.

A print edition will also be available on Amazon, on April 7, 2024.

[the-hermit-at-midnight]

I used to live my life by a clock. The ticking, relentless march of time marked by Sundays and holidays. It was a life punctuated by guilt and obligation. The pressure to conform, to believe, to behave in a certain way was suffocating. Then, I found myself on a different path. A path that led me away from the noise and into a world of ancient wisdom. A world that revolves not around a man-made calendar, but the rhythm of the Earth itself. Druidry has been a balm to my soul. It's a spiritual path that honors nature, ancestors, and the interconnectedness of all things. At its heart is the Wheel of the Year – a cyclical understanding of time that celebrates the Earth’s journey through the seasons. There’s a profound peace in aligning my life with the natural world. No longer am I a prisoner to the artificial constructs of modern society. Instead, I find myself in harmony with the ebb and flow of existence. Imbolc, the beginning of spring, is a time of hope and renewal. It’s when the land begins to awaken from its winter slumber. Beltane, the peak of spring, is a celebration of fertility and life. Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, is a time for gratitude and abundance. Lughnasadh, the first harvest, is a moment to acknowledge our reliance on the Earth's bounty. Mabon, the autumn equinox, is a time of balance and reflection. Samhain, the end of the year, is a time to honor our ancestors and prepare for the cycle to begin again. These are just a few of the sabbats that mark the Druidic year. Each one offers an opportunity for introspection, celebration, and connection to something larger than myself. It's a way of life that is both grounding and inspiring. Leaving behind the rigid structure of Pentecostalism was a daunting task. But in its place, I’ve found a spiritual path that resonates deeply with my soul. The Druidic Wheel of the Year has become a compass, guiding me through the complexities of modern life. It’s a journey of discovery, a celebration of nature, and a deep connection to something ancient and eternal. Have you ever considered exploring the Druidic path? What resonates with you about the Wheel of the Year?

[escaping-amish]

BREAKING NEWS: Ex fundie -- who wore clothes 2 sizes too big for modesty purposes all her life IS ACTUALLY a sexy ass bitch !!!

[idontseatheporpoise]

Thinking aggressively about the christianswhocursesometimes post asking for insight from the community about someone inquiring about “is homosexuality a sin” and I typed out what I think is a thoughtful response,

“I’ve spent a really long time wrestling with God on why I would be created as an “abomination,” and in recent years, I’ve really leaned into the concept of “fearfully and wonderfully made.” From my understanding of scripture (I did complete ministry school, but I’m always learning), there is no reason that God would’ve made any individual — LGBTQ+ or heterosexual — because he’s crafted us with care. This is a realization that came many years later as I matured and explored my faith. I highly recommend “Does God Really Love Me: A Gay Christian’s Pilgrimage in Search of God in America,” and seeking out works of queer theologians who are better equipped to speak on this subject as opposed to the everyday Christian (no hate there, just that the insight of a Biblical scholar is usually more helpful than randos on the internet).”

But I think I need to be validated. Like, I know there’s queer theologians out there and I myself was a queer minister (I left because of how antis*metic and homophobic leadership was), but like. Fuck. My heart breaks for the person who submitted the question because they sounded desperate — seeking out answers to why God hasn’t answered their prayer to become heterosexual, and it was so disappointing to see some of the answers shared, but I think I’m biased because I am so affirming as a human being. Ugh.

[edenisodd]

I'm so glad I changed my name. I let my old self lay to rest, her burdens are buried.

I'm reincarnated, a new vessel. A vessel that knows who they are, knows where to go for love and support. I've been making steps forward, to take care of myself.

I still carry her pain as a reminder of how cruel people can be. She cried because anger was unbecoming of a christian woman. She shrunk at the sight of a man, hoping for their approval. Waiting for someone to tell her that she was doing it right because she felt so wrong.

Whenever I see or hear mention of christianity I only become angry. I'm angry for her suffering. I carry her pain with me, but I'm stronger for it. I'm proud of who I am and I'll never let them hurt her again.

[gramarobin]

[escaping-amish]

“You’re just church hurt” “that was man not god”

[muted-eternity]

Today on conversations I wish I could have with my parents...

-- -- --

I'm exhausted. "Why?" you ask. "How could you be exhausted the way that you are while you live your life the way you do? How are you exhausted?"

The real question is: how could I NOT be exhausted?

This week will be the first week in a long time that I have worked full shifts 5 days in a row. For many, many, many people that is the norm. If they are exhausted by it, it is all but background noise now. For some, like my dad, it's just a fact of life. You work all week, nonstop, for hours on end, and yeah you're exhausted by the end of it. But that's life. That's work. (That's late-stage capitalism.) That's how it works.

But please consider, just the once, that it has not been my norm. Consider, just today, that I am mentally ill and have perhaps been chronically burnt out or cascading through the atmosphere into burnout for the last three years.

No, I don't work 40 hours a week. No, I don't pay many bills because I live at home. No, I am not homeless or at war or starving or any of the other high-stress, truly exhausting things you might through at me. Yes, I am privileged enough to still live with my parents (for all the damage its caused us...).

And, actually, yes I am too young to feel like this. To feel bone-deep mental fatigue that wears me down and saps my energy and makes me want to lie on the floor and feel and do and see and hear and be nothing for a while. I am too young to have survived years of crippling depression and suicidal ideation. I am too young to fear that I might never climb out of this hole your generation put me in. I am too young to be fearing a world war. I am too young to in debt and financially struggling. I am too young to fear that I might never, ever own a home or live a comfortable life because my country might not exist in a decade or two, at the rate its going.

I am too young! You're right! That's what makes it so damn wrong to feel this way.

Not only is work tiring (I work retail 3-6 days a week with an inconsistent schedule that fights my circadian rhythm and drains me emotionally, mentally, and physically), but so are my other two "jobs." In addition to my "real" job, I'm struggling to build up my artistic portfolio so I can actually get a job in my field. A field that might not exist in a few years if the studios that employ my heroes don't get their shit together. I also manage this fucking house because my dad can't, because he works too much (for context: he's the director of a niche museum. He gives himself his own giant workload. He doesn't have to). So there are also those 2 things to worry about, and of course the crippling fear of someday becoming obsolete in the face of AI.

Then there's the state of the world, oh, don't get me started! You want to talk about exhaustion? There are (were) over 800,000 Palestinian people in Gaza this time last year. Now, anywhere from 10-20% of them could be dead -- that's 80,000-200,000 people. That's 80,000-200,000 people who I've watched die on my phone. My exhaustion is nothing compared to that of the survivors. I am not a victim of genocide, and I am still exhausted watching them. There is a genocide happening thousands of miles away and it's a constant weight on my mind, and I'm so fucked up I can't even do anything about it because I'm too goddamn tired...

I can't help them. How sick is that? How sick is it to be watching them beg and die on my phone screen thousands of miles away in the United States of America, the country whose military supplies their oppressors, and not do anything about it? I have to live with my in action. I have to live with the fact that, right now, the best thing I can do for them is keep myself alive, and talk about when I have the energy. Someday, I can help. Someday, I won't be a wreck...

Someday, maybe, the rest of the world will realize the weight those of us who are watching carry (although it will never match the burdens of those we are watching die before our eyes).

Someday, maybe, it'll click for my parents. That I'm working 30 hours a week and that's nothing to them, but there's so much more to be tired about. There are wars going on that I can't stop. There are lives being lost that I can't prevent. There are stories not being told because I don't have the energy to illustrate them (mine and others'). There is art being and not being made. There is life that I can't live because I'm watching the lives of others be destroyed.

There are political movements to end the existence of trans, queer, mentally ill people like me. There are movements to render disabled people unequal. There are movements trying to silence us, and the media, and anyone who dares speak out against any given regime.

If the wrong candidate wins this fall, a few years down the line I might end up in a concentration camp. Right now, thousands of miles away, hundreds of thousands of people are in a city-wide concentration camp. If the wrong candidate wins, people like me who stand up, are queer, speak out... we could be silenced in more ways than just social.

I haven't felt at home in four years. I haven't been called by a name that feels like mine within my own "home" in almost two. I have to hide my identity from people I grew up with for fear I would drown in the backlash from everyone else. The stupid "I'll pray for you"s and the "you don't know what you're doing"s and the insistence that I'm sick, sinful, broken, wrong... I couldn't handle it. I can't handle thinking about it.

...

And you ask me why I'm tired?