#like bro its been a week we both have anxiety this is fast

[watercolor-wings]

Laying here trying to convince my anxiety ridden monkey brain that just wants to move out that moving out with a partner requires two yesses and even if the documents can still be submitted until midnight the decision has already been made and I'm not going to wake my girlfriend up to talk about it again when she has already stated that she's too anxious to move right now

[og-danny-dorito]

{ Some SFW Tamaki Headcanons For Your Daily Dose Of Somft™}

OKAY hi hello, I know I've been gone for a while but I'm kinda back now since ive had a burst of inspiration lately for no reason in particular. This is partially cause I actually just finished watching BNHA and good lord, let me tell you bro- I have WAY too many thoughts about this dude for it to be a normal infatuation so here we go! -w-;

- FIRST of all, I'm like 90% sure this dude listens to like really soft cute music like Lofi remixes or those rlly cute anime openings that give off Soft Boy vibes???

- he's like a soft person in general already so its kindof a given. he really likes pastel colors a whole lot for that reason cause they're more muted and subtle and aren't completely overbearing

- he actually owns like, 40 oversized pastel sweaters with various prints and designs on them for that reason. that and oversized soft sweaters are year-round

- most of his clothes are kinda oversized though?? like if you've watched the anime and can see how his shirt fits him I'm like 90% sure it's like a size bigger than it should be (his natural size is a medium in men's, I'm assuming, since he's like canonically 5'9" and not really muscular). his hero costume is also a little bigger than it should be in some areas and it fits around him like a big blanket

- there are MULTIPLE reasons for this imo, but the main two are that he's A) self conscious and therefore less confident in things that fit him better, and B) likes feeling like things aren't constricting him like tight shirts do

- on the self-conscious point, he already has issues with about like 500 other things that concern himself, so why not physical???

- let me explain- his form is naturally slim, which means that he hasn't really ever been as physically muscular as the other heroes (mostly cause his quirk burns up most of his calories and he has a naturally fast metabolism), and is consistently reminded of it

- he doesn't want other people to think of him as less or weaker in the general public because he doesn't look as physically strong as the other heroes, so he wears clothes that aren't very form fitting to hide this fact and therefore avoid the possibility of criticism of is physical features

- also, you're on tumblr, the land of people who are or have been physically self conscious for whatever reason, so it's pretty safe to assume that you've worn/wear oversized clothing. do you know how comfy they are??? it's like being wrapped in a formless blanket that makes it feel as if you arent able to be subject to criticism from others. it's literally the BEST

- his closet really just consists of things that are bigger than him really, but he does have some skinny jeans and a few formal outfits that fit him properly. his figure is actually kind of cute in a way since he's more on the slim/muscular side but if you EVER tell him he looks handsome in something that's more fitting than he ususally wears he will have a slightly boosted self confidence but amplified anxiety, no exceptions

- but he doesnt really like receiving compliments to be honest, and there's a few reasons for that

- as a kid not many people talked to him so he would occasionally be subject to being outcast by others. as a child he knew that when the teachers were being too nice to him by complimenting his work or talking too him too much that it was out of pity. he felt like he was being patronized out of personal obligation to be inclusive and not in personal interest, so he still has some remnants of that mentality due to having grow up with that

- being given a serious and genuine compliment isn't something he's used to and quite frankly he might be a little uncomfortable if he doesn't know you very well

- if, however, he knows you well and trusts that your comments aren't out of spite or ill-intent, his face usually turns a bright shade of red as he either A) stutters out a nervous thank you or B) hides his face in his hands and refuses to say anything until it's subsided

- he'll usually try to compliment you back, even though its hard to hear over his incredibly soft voice. it's usually something about how nice you are or how he doesn't understand how someone like you can think that way about him, but he secretly really likes feeling like someone cares and appreciates him

- speaking of soft voices, I'm almost entirely convinced that he can sing. since he doesn't really go out with friends in his spare time since he basically only has two close ones, he usually either trains or, alternatively, sings

- its more of a subconscious thing to him to sing along when his favorite song is on, but he only does it when he's alone. the thing is that he thinks his voice is horrible since he hasn't had any extensive formal education in music and generally doesn't try that much to refine his skills manually but his singing voice is like, literally angelic

- seriously, if you get this man to sing 'Heather' by Conan Grey its like listening to some sort of ethereal being trying to lull you to sleep

- its not like he'd ever do this in public because of his anxiety and insecurities, but asking him nicely and swearing you won't tell anyone about it usually gets him to do it, albeit kinds shyly at first. it takes some working up to really, from him nervously singing gently to a song while his back is turned to you to just starting to hum along to songs by habit while you're around

- the only time he really does it to his own violation can be when you're sick (he cant say no to someone who's injured, it makes him feel terrible), when you're about to fall asleep, or even when he forgets that he's around other people and is doing some sort of chore or task around the house

- mentioning it to others makes him even more embarrassed than physically possible, and he usually covers his ears to mask the sounds of your praise about him. he hates drawing attention to himself and simply cannot Deal™ with the compliments he's receiving

- this is amplified if you're in a romantic relationship with him since, lets be completely honest here, he's literally never been in a relationship before

- I mean like, if that one girl who was with him for a week in 5th grade counts for anything, then I guess he's been in one before but other than that he has no experience

- how does he accept compliments? how do you genuinely love him?? should he dress better when around you???? oh god, do you secretly hate a bunch of things about him and only like him because he's a good hero????

- there's literal pages in his search history dedicated to is panicked questioning about what he should do if you haven't told him you love him in more than a week, what he should do if he accidentally calls you the wrong name while making out/having sex, when it's acceptable to talk about getting a plant together without seeming like he wants to get married in that instant, etc.

- for this it doesn't matter whether or not you're experienced since its good both ways! someone who isn't experienced could help ease his nerves a bit since hey, you might not really know what you're doing ether, so you're both gonna mess up. if you're a little more experienced then you can help show him the ropes and probably might help him improve in future relationships if you ever decide you don't want him anymore. both win-win situations basically

-  it also doesn't really matter if you're male, female, or anything else since he's demisexual panromantic. your personality is basically the most important aspect to him, even though he still thinks you have the face of a god/goddess

- the first few weeks of the relationship are basically him figuring out when its okay to touch you and/or ask for you to touch him since he doesn't want to scare you off with how affectionate he can be

- and when I say affectionate, I mean like a full out cuddle-bug

- Tamaki is straight up touch starved so like jot that down. like high key he really didn't have much physical affection as a child and even now can’t really figure out how to do it since he doesn't have any experience with it. he still craves physical affection though, and consistently

- a good way to tell that he wants affection is that he sticks a little bit closer to you during the day. not exactly under your feet, but still in your space when he knows its appropriate. usually just giving him a long hug or hdoling his hand in private helps to alleviate it a little bit, but his favorite way to get affection is to sit down and either sit in your lap or have you sit in his lap

- the reason I say private though is because PDA makes him nervous. it already kinda draws attention to the two of you since the act of PDA is basically outing a relationship on display and that alone makes him nervous, so he usually avoids it unless its in a barely populated park, a quiet cafe, etc.

- so in public he's probably gonna stick close but not outwardly hold your hand by himself, but behind closed doors he's basically hanging on you wherever and however he can

- can you really blame him for liking you as much as you do? I mean you're patient with him, you genuinely like him, and you're so sweet that he doesn't even know what to do with himself. that, and you're super fascinating to observe

- not,,,- he doesn't mean that in a creepy way I swear. he means it like- he means that he likes watching you work because the way you move around catches his interest. part of his training is observing others and he already does it a lot due to being more of that type of person by default, so he can tell a lot about you just by watching you do simple tasks such as cleaning the floor or doing some work you need to get done

- his observance makes him a great partner when it comes to remembering small things about you like your favorite color, how you do your hair in the mornings, what your favorite band(s) is/are, and more! expect him to bring you small gifts that reminded him of you because of something you said four months ago at a very specific time and a very specific date and a very specific location

- this applies to anyone that he really knows or pays special attention to really, but you're one of those people that he subconsciously has encyclopedic knowledge of because he thinks about you so much all the time

- anyway, we're getting to the end so lets get to my favorite part of the list- miscellaneous headcanons! :

he really likes Conan Grey and Lofi remixes of songs that he likes since they're more on the calming side and less intense and help his nerves go down if he's feeling anxious

when he does get severely anxious he curls into a ball and pulls at his ears and cries. he's unresponsive for this time but usually just letting him calm down after a little bit on his own or telling him softly to listen to you helps

he likes insectariums a while lot, specifically the butterfly rooms where you can walk through and let them fly around you. for some reason they tend to be more prone to lighting on him than anyone else, even though he only really wears dark colors and doesn't make an effort to get them around him

he has some purple fairy lights set up above his bed in his room that look like glowing butterflies cause he thought they were cute

he's incredibly good at cooking complex and simple dishes since he usually has to eat large amounts of certain things for his ability, and almost always cooks for the two of you if you're staying long enough to eat with him. he's arguably one of the best home-taught chefs at UA besides Bakugo even though they specialize i different areas of cooking basically

- well, it looks like thats the end for this list! Tamaki is such a sweet dude, really. being his friend or lover is like having a cheerleader, an endlessly loyal supporter, and an eternally loving partner (and more) all rolled into one. once you've been nice to him like once he's automatically favoring you over others. it may be hard to try to help him get more comfortable with the things he's anxious with, but he's a fast learner and if it makes you happy it makes him happy too

- Be careful with him, and you've got a friend for life!

[ ~Thank You For Reading, and if you think I missed anything please let me know in the notes or in my inbox. Any feedback is heavily appreciated!~ ]

[oloreaa]

2020 WRAP UP!

Okay here we are!! Hopefully I have not missed anyone because I truly dont mean to "snub" anyone, so here is a list of people who I feel very thankful for knowing this year, where I started out on tumblr, you have been truly bright presences and I love you very very much.

First off here are some people I don't know very well (or at all, but I admire their work) but I think have excellent vibes and I would love to get to know better/let them know that I appreciate them very very much:

@maxlordd @ollypopp @opheliaelysia @honeymandos @concussed-to-pieces @pikemoreno @huliabitch @mitchi-c @hansoulo @browneyes-djarin @cinewhore @max--phillips @din-damn-djarin @ezrasarm @dishonouringmycow @keeper0fthestars @dadolorian @dindjarindiaries @cobbvader @leo-moon @justrunamok @frannyzooey @miranhas-art @keethus-arts @hdlynn @zeldasayer @qveenbvtch @softpedropascal @marvel-and-mischief @datmando @stubbychaos @di-kut @themangolorian @vercopaanir @mcfreakin-bxtch

and so, so many more that I cannot think of right now (and tumblr doesnt let me tag more than 50 people)

And for those I know a bit better, under the cut❤:

@binggrae-banana-milk : You're the first person I really talked to on tumblr, and I cherish every single one of our interactions so much. The one time where we had watched Revenge of the Sith together and had a full on BLAST, it was incredibly fun and every time we just kind of scream at each other in dms it's so funny, how we both are freaking out simultaneously!! Also before you I never really keysmashed and now it's a part of my vocabulary lmao, ily!!!

@mndalorians : Cass. Oh, my dear Cass. Listen, you have brightened up my year by SO MUCH. I don't even want to know how many tens of thousands of words our chat consists of dhdhdh, from discovering cultural differences with each other, to yelling about the same stuff, to planning fics and telling each other of our ideas. We share a brain cell and we are literally the embodiment of Zwei Dumme, ein Gedanke. If I'm glad for anything in this year, it's starting to talk to you. You're literally one of my closest friends and I never hesitate in hitting you up, from absolute crack to heartbreak, you have the range, darling. I love you so much, you don't even know❤

@agirllovespancakes : Iris baby, oh my god. I don't even know where to start. The way how we just started talking without even KNOWING how we started talking is the funniest thing, EVER. This friendship came out of fucking NOWHERE and I am so glad for this. I can always count of you to stand by my side in so many things, and you're the other chaotic one in Tender Roasting, I adore you. The way we just go "kskssksks" and "dhddhdhdhd" at each other for literally hours because we are just losing it over each other is amazing. Ich hab dich so lieb!!!

@adikaofmandalore : Holy shit, Adi, the only thing I can think of now is that you literally deserve everything good and sweet in this world. You're one of the kindest souls on here, and I've never met anyone who is as sweet as you. I don't even know how you are real. Everytime we talk I'm literally smiling so bright, your enthusiasm for Ven is unparalleled and the way we just go bonkers at each other with ideas?? You're so supportive?? And your razor sharp wit and sarcasm is AMAZING to witness in action. Your writing is incredible and incredibly underrated and your stubbornness is admirable. You manage to power though Everything and that's so impressive. I love you very much!!!

@teaofpeach : lee babe DAMN I've never met anyone who is as funny as you. Like whenever we are talking it's just, it ends with me cackling and having the biggest smile on my face because you made me laugh so much. Such a bright presence on my dash and your TAGS are always sending me. So witty and smart and your vocabulary is unparalleled. Filthy hoe but I love you for it. You taught me so much tumblr lingo just by texting me and I always feel Educated afterwards dhdhdhd I love you so much and I trust you with every single one of my attempts at Spiciness

@mandolovian : DEV BABY my love from tomorrow🥺🥺 the time difference of HELL had never stopped us from being hoe af in the dms lmao, I vividly remember one of our first convos spiralling into thots SO FUCKING FAST that was the funniest shit ever. It's always fascinating to see what you do on the other side of the planet and I admire you so much. Like, you TRULY have big brain. How do you remember so much??? Like all these conditions and facts and like WOAH I just feel like a plankton next to you💀💀💀💀 ily SO MUCH

@goldafterglow : iris babe omg okay first of all you're the prettiest bitch I've ever seen, such a nice presence overall, you have GALAXY BRAIN, your writing style is so smooth and full of descriptions that are so amazing to read, like its. Amazing. You have unfortunately witnessed several times where I typed faster than my brain would proceed and I ended up saying the DUMBEST shit and you make fun of me because of it. Like bro I dont even mind bc any interaction with you is worth it🥺🥺🥺🥺

@chibi-liz05 : Liz oh my gosh I just love you so much. We don't talk as frequently anymore but you just have a place in my heart, you're incredibly supportive of everything and you're always there for me, no matter for what, offering thoughts and conversation about everything. You're such an absolute sweetheart and a sunshine person and I just adore your positive attitude and the way you talk, you're literally the sweetest. I love you very very much and consider this me giving you the biggest forehead kiss

@pisss-offf-ghostt : you're one of the first ones who read my fics when I first started out, and your continued support for everything I write is absolutely AMAZING. Like I enjoy every single one of our conversations and discussions, and I feel completely safe to hit you up for anything, no matter what. You're an incredibly kind and hardworking person and your heart is just so big, I cannot even comprehend it. It's amazing how much you care, how you interact with people on here, and I care for you SO MUCH. Love you🥺❤❤

@maybege : you're literally the KINDEST PERSON around?? And we are weirdly connected through cosmic forces whenever it has something to do about Lebkuchenherzen lmao, its uncanny. We have started out in fics in such a similar way it still makes me chuckle, like we experienced the same amount of cringe lmaooo, and now you're just here, blessing us every day with your amazing content, being the most organised person I know, and just an absolute SWEETHEART. everytime we write I have such a big smile on my face, and you BET we would have found each other irl if it wasnt for Corona🤡🤡

@kiwi-the-first : oh kiwi you're such a nice and thoughtful person, whenever I feel down youre the first one to send asks and nice messages and cute photos to make me smile and that is absolutely adorable of you🥺🥺 you're such a vocal and passionate character and its absolutely amazing to see you in action, how you go all caps screaming in the dms. You have a special part in my heart and its just so nice to be able to talk to you

@corvueros : MEG we are literally sharing one (1) brain cell and they are oscillating between "horny", "yelling at each other in all caps" and "oh my god that's such a good idea" 💀💀💀 whenever we talk I have the biggest smile on my face and I absolutely ADORE you, you're the absolute best. Such a sweet and thoughtful and excited person who can spew the filthiest thots in a manner of 0.1 seconds. You're such a bright person and I could not imagine not being able to talk to you bc you're so supportive and just the literal BEST, I LOVE YOU BITCH, I AM NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH

@blacksquadron-rougetwo : okay Hailee you have absolutely excellent vibes. Like you're always so bright and sunshiny and just so damn fucking gorgeous I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. Filthy and tender at the same time, the QUEEN of soft horny fics like woah, and the way you talk is just so wonderful to witness. Your reaction pics are always on point and no matter what the topic is our convos always end up in all caps screaming at each other how unfairly hot the character of the week is lmao. You're such a sweet being and I am grateful for you!!

@over300books : holy shit Estela I have not known you well for a long time but you're such an incredibly supportive person with the funniest of commentary, everything you write makes me smile, ESPECIALLY all those comments in the docs!! I completely trust you with all the writings I manage to finish and everytime you help me with it you make me see my work with new eyes. You're just so damn amazing and sweet and super cheery I just love you so much. I am so grateful that we are friends and I am SO PROUD of you for finishing your degree!! Like girl WHOOOO!!!

@anxiety-riddled-mando : listen not only are you an absolutely fantastic writer, you're such an amazing person and someone who just screams "safe" at me. Like I completely trust you with my thoughts and even if we are not talking directly very often (our communication is more reblogging and telling each other in the tags how much we love them lmao) I just absolutely adore you and I just am so incredibly thankful that we stumbled across each other!!! You're such a bright presence on tumblr and every single one of your works is so incredibly amazing!!

Aaaand that's a wrap!! Thank you so much for making my year brighter, I love every single one of you so so so so so much. Happy new years!!

Love, Rea

[sweetrupturedlight]

This week on Sen Çal Kapımı

We pick up exactly where we left off and there’s copious hand-holding, cuddles, kisses (see: cheek, lips and eskimo), giggles, a coffee date, breakfast date, dinner date, adorable banter, shameless flirting and no concept of personal space. Oh, and Serkan’s heart eyes continuously devour Eda with expert precision.

Before we jump right into it, let’s review last week’s bulleted list of things I expected was coming. 

From the fragman, Serkan names a star or something after her #squee

Selin finally getting it

Aydan not getting it

Seyfi being over the moon - along with Melo no doubt

I’m 3.5/4. But come on, we know Melo loves her bro-in-law right?

Now, onto this week. Seeing Serkan clearly in love - and embracing it - is delightful to watch. The natural chemistry between Hande and Kerem have the room to shine brightly as the script allows them to dial the romance setting to ‘roast’. Serkan’s growth as a character is never more evident. The surly, stern taskmaster of old is replaced by a smiling (spontaneously), belly laughing, and downright playful young man in love. And its just squee inducing to watch. When he confesses to Eda that she is addictive, I thought his mood (and how Kerem plays Serkan) clearly demonstrates the effect that the emotion has on him - of being unable to focus, feeling light, happy, carefree and confident. 

Throughout the romantic comedy, there is an underlying ripple of vulnerability. I love that the show doesn’t take for granted that Serkan has never been in love - and that being in love and confessing it - especially to a woman he didn’t believe could love him back - is also scary. Numerous times throughout the episode he asks for confirmation that she returns his affection. While its played as lighthearted banter - and provides ample opportunity for us to smile like idiots as they flirt outrageously - it’s also a reminder that he is a loner by nature and putting himself at the mercy of someone else cannot be easy. His concern that she will tire of him was adorable but also tinged with anxiety. She is a fairy to him - whimsical and carefree - and he must worry a little that someday, she will fly away without him. That said, he’s jumped all in. For a man who’s never really cared for romantic entanglements, he sure learns fast… as Eda says, he is a romantic robot, with a fierce beating heart.

Finally, I love that Eda’s education is important to her - but its also something Serkan recognises and supports. Their two-month deal is a postponement, not a cancellation of her plans. It’s not her putting him first and disadvantaging herself. Its an opportunity for them to get to know each other, spend time together, for him to wrap up pressing business matters and organise himself around a move to Italy to support the woman he loves as she pursues her interests and education. That’s fantastic! I love that its not an issue. He didn’t try and convince her to study in Turkey. Her dream is Italy. So he will rearrange his life in order to support her. That’s a partnership and I love to see it.

Things I loved about this episode:

All he handholding. Listen, I’m a simple shipper. Give me the basics, and I’m in hog heaven

The lack of personal space. They literally breathe the same air 99% of the time. It’s romantic, endearing and also more than a little blush-inducing??? Or is it just me? The breakfast scene was one of my favourites for this very reason.

Despite prompting Eda to confess her feelings, Serkan’s confessions kept escalating. He goes from I love you, to all I see is you, to I want to hug you, hold you, kiss you, I’m addicted to you, I can’t think/work with you around. Adorable.

Eda fixing Serkan’s collar. A small moment, but reminded me of her unbuttoning his shirt in the stairwell during the first episode. How far they’ve come.

The simplicity of framing them in each other’s arms on a couch was a fantastic way of showcasing their domesticity as well as highlighting their chemistry. I also loved Serkan in that brown shirt? It was a great wardrobe choice to highlight his downtime.

Things that confused me:

Ayfer’s continued “anti-Serkan” agenda. It remains puzzling. It’s completely incongruent with her previous assessment of him. So this plot point continues to feel a little shoehorned and forced in order to move us towards a storytelling arc.

Hiding their romance was fun this episode. But hopefully, everything is out in the open next week. They deserve a little normal after all the crazy of the weeks that came before. Sneaking around now just feels too over the top for a sustained plot point.

Alptekin and Aydan truly annoy me. Serkan’s father is apparently a man who built a successful company. Yet everything about him screams inept to me. Both his wife and son are unhappy with his conduct, his business decisions don’t seem very sound (at least from Serkan’s perspective) and the elephant in the room - his previous undesirable business practices. Aydan continues the “Choose Selin” crusade when doing that would hurt a myriad of people - including Ferit and Eda. It’s selfish and lacks any awareness of what is going on around her. Perhaps that is the meta-commentary on her character, seeing as she is unable to leave her self imposed prison. Get them both out of here. Please and thank you.

Engin’s romance? Honestly, I don’t care at all. He has no chemistry with Piril and call me salty, but did the camera linger on their kiss longer than any other on the show? Maybe I am just being salty. Moving along.

Low key confused about how sad I felt for Selin? She isn’t my fave, and yes, Ferit deserves more than a woman who literally planned to dump him 0.5 seconds before their wedding day, but I guess she realised that the love of a man who adores her is a better choice than chasing a pipedream. Plus, the humiliation of being dumped at the alter… how does one recover. Not sure what her character brings to the show now seeing as her connection was through Ferit. So we’ll see...

Urm… who else is low key rooting for Ferit and Ceren? Didn’t see that one coming, but at least it’s an exciting development.

Things I know is coming:

Some third-party, potential romantic interest for Eda? Don’t see how this will work because she only has eyes for Serkan. So perhaps “romance” isn’t the direction it will take… one can only hope.

The Bolat’s trying to break up Eda and Serkan? Not sure why that’s necessary. Serkan certainly had nothing to do with - nor any knowledge of - his fathers aforementioned undesirable business practices. While I have no doubt this will create tension, I hope to God they don’t tell Serkan and have him wrestle with how to tell Eda and in doing so, create secrets and distance between them.

Eda tells either Ayfer or her besties that she and Serkan are in love. #HereForIt

“I can’t breathe when you’re not here” !!! #CallTheParamedic

And most importantly:

Seyfi remains my absolute fave.

Do they have an overnight stay next week? Because… it sure looked like it. 

#FlingsSelfIntoTheEverLovingSun #NotPrepared

[pixelatedrose]

Soulbound Part Two

First | Part 2 | Next

Ao3 link

Masterpost

Word Count: 2,955

Pairings: Platonic LAMP, Prinxiety, Logicality, Background Remile

Warnings: uncensored swearing, bullying, mention of drugs and alcohol, threats, Unsympathetic Remus, Unsympathetic Deceit, implied mention of sex (wow this fic went from 1 to like 67 real fast) Please leave a comment and tell me if I missed anything that should be tagged or if you want anything tagged!

Summary:

Roman Prince and Logan Rose are soulmates. They’re platonic soulmates though. They both have the same Soul mark to prove it. But they both have one other soul mark, binding them to one other person. And when they find Patton Miles, it just so happens that they’re both his soulmate. Logan being his Soulbound Soulmate, and Roman being a platonic soulmate. But something feels missing. And it feels filled, shockingly so, when they meet a certain someone a year and a half after they found each other.

IMPORTANT NOTE!! I changed all of their last names cause I didn't like them. So. Yeah. Also sorry this seems a bit late, I got caught up with doing things and school and we had a ton of snow (where I live we never get snow) and so I was a little distracted all week. Sorry about that y'all!! But its here now, so yeah!! Hope you enjoy!!

Chapter 2

Roman woke up with a start, his wrist stinging. He looked over at his clock that read a time much to late- or early- for it to be reasonable. He rubbed his stinging skin and tried to go back to sleep. 

  This was a regular occurrence. Waking up at two am to a stinging wrist or shoulder, sometimes an ankle or forearm. Once he woke up nearly screaming as his left side felt like it was on fire.

  He didn't quite know what it was, but Roman never thought much about it. I mean, people woke up with little pricks sometimes, right? He'd probably slept on it wrong or accidentally hit his bedframe in his sleep.

  Roman lay in bed, tossing and turning as he tried to fall back asleep. He looked over to the clock once again and sighed. It was only an hour before his alarm went off.

  Not seeing the point in trying to go to sleep anymore, Roman swung his legs over the side of his bed and started getting ready for the day.

  After taking a shower and pulling in clothes, Roman's alarm rang out two seconds after he was done styling and drying his previously wet hair. He slapped it off as quick as possible, suddenly not wanting to wake anyone else up.

  Roman inched out of his room and into his brother's, flipping on the lights, much to his brother's dismay.

  "Turn the goddamn lights off…." His brother muttered through his pillow.

  Roman sighed. "Nope! C'mon Remus, it's time for you to rise and shine- or whatever it is that you do when you're awake- and get ready for the first day of school!" He walked over to the broad window and threw open the blinds, letting light filter and flow into the already lot room, the sun beams hitting Roman's twin in the face.

  "AaaAAAHH!!" His brother screamed. He sat up in bed and shielded his face. He glared at Roman after adjusting to the light. "I'm going to sell your organs on the internet you pile of horse sh-"

  "Love you too, brother! I'm gonna go make breakfast now okay bye!!" Roman zipped downstairs, not wanting to stick around to see whether his brother would act on that threat or not.

  Ten minutes later Remus came loudly down the stairs and yelled at his brother. "DID YOU GET OUT ALL THE CEREAL AND THE POPTARTS?!!?"

  Roman sighed, looking at the counter that was overflowing with four different cereals and a box of poptarts. "YEAH BRO MAN I GOTCHU!!" He yelled back.

  Remus entered the kitchen area with his heavy heeled boots and skipped over to the cereals. He poured a little of each box into a bowl and unwrapped a poptart and crumbled it on top. He went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of not milk but orange juice and poured it into the abomination that was in his bowl.

  Roman looked away and tried focusing back on the eggs he had in the pan in front of him. "I cannot believe that you actually eat that, Remus! It's revolting!" Roman bemused.

  Remus shoveled a spoonful into his mouth, staring at pointedly. "You," he sputtered through the mouthful of 'Cereal'. "My brother, have no taste." He swallowed and gestured to his bowl. "This is a masterpiece of a meal!!"

  Roman made gagging noise and slid his single solitary egg onto a piece of toast. "That's not even a meal! I daresay it would harm someone rather than anything else!"

  Remus scoffed and took another bite.

~~•~~

  Today was the first day of their sophomore year, 10th grade and they couldn't wait for it to start. Or at least, Roman was excited. Remus had made his opinion adamant; he couldn't care less if the school caught fire.

  But nonetheless, it was a day they'd all been awaiting, whether eagerly or with disdain.

  Patton had stuffed his backpack full of snacks and colorful pins as gifts for his new classmates and friends.

  Roman had excitedly roused his voice in preparation for theater and barber shop choir he was sure to audition for.

  Logan had packed up notebooks and pencils and pens, all fitting perfectly in his backpack as he awaited learning, a year ahead of his peers.

  Remus had done nothing but think up pranks and plans of destruction of freshman newbies for the start of the year. His phone pinged and he picked it up to look at it.

  A boy known around school as Deceit had discretely packed his bag and pockets full of liquors and drugs to sell to anyone who'd buy. He looked at his email and raised an eyebrow. He turned to his messages and shot a text to his partner.

  And a person of seemingly infinitesimal importance shrugged on a black and purple jacket and sighed heavily. He didn't look forward to this. What's to say it was going to be any different from last time?

  And so, life started as sophomores for each and every one of them.

~~•~~

  Virgil Sanders walked up to the front of his new high school. A place to start over… he thought.

  He pushed his way through the doors and tried to think positively.

  "Well helloooo there my good newbie of a kid!!" A voice rang out. Virgil startled back and bumped into someone behind him. How did someone get behind him so fast??

  "Ah, ah! Don't be scared my good pal!" The person behind him said, his voice was a little too reassuring, a little too happy.

  "I-I'm sorry...I'll just find my own way around…" he stammered out. He didn't want to try and be cocky and make enemies this early into the school year. And his anxiety was telling him to play it safe.

  He didn't even see the two that were harassing him before a voice trilled out, "Oh there you are, babe!!"

  Virgil felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. "Hon-ey you've got to stop running off like that! Gurl, you're gonna lose that cute purple head of yours in the crowd if your not careful!" Virgil looked up to see a boy wearing aviator shades and a leather jacket.

  "Uhm--?" 

  Virgil started before the sunglasses'd guy turned and whispered in his ear, "Just play along, babe…"

  "Right…" Virgil turned and kissed the strange man's cheek. "Sorry babe, won't happen again." He cuddled up to the man and wrapped his arms around his waist. If he was gonna play the part, might as well make it convincing.

  "That's right honey bae! Now let's get you to class!" And the two walked away hand in hand.

  As they rounded the corner, the man parted from Virgil and turned on him. "Sorry bout that honey, but gurl you were in real danger there!" He held out a hand. "The name's Remy b-t-dubs."

  Virgil shook it. "Virgil. Thanks. And sorry for the kiss." 

  Remy laughed and waved his hand at Virgil. "Oh pah-lease babe! Trust me I probably enjoyed that more than you think I did!" He winked and laughed again at Virgil's flushed face. "Now, stay outa trouble, ya hear? Cause auntie Remy ain't always gonna be around to save that cute face of yours hun. But here's my number in case you need anything!" Remy took out what looked like a business card and handed it to Virgil.

  Auntie Remy. Gossip wheel, late night counseling, party boy.

  At the bottom a number was printed. "Hey what-" but Remy was already gone.

  What just happened?

~~•~~

  Remus was pissed. He had received the text from Deceit that morning that there was fresh meat and he was so ready to spill crickets in that loser's bag! And then that stupid 12th grade dumbass senior Remy had to show up and "save the day."

  His eye caught a little freshman boy with broken glasses. He carried his books in his arms and had a smattering of freckles to accompany his bright red hair.

  Perfect! Remus thought maliciously. And crept over to sink his teeth into his next victim.

  "Hey there freckle face!" He called cheerily.

  The boy seemed startled and pointed at himself as if to confirm.

  Remus sighed. Wow this kid is dull… "Yeah you, scarecrow reject! Now Imma make this quick since I already lost one lunch income," he started, slinking around the kid. "Hand over the money you mommy gave you for food today else I'll make sure that it won't stay down."

  The redhead seemed flustered. "Wh-what? B-but, I need that money!" He subconsciously reached for his pocket.

  Bingo. Remus knew his type. Fear would get him what he wanted. He grabbed the kid by the front of his shirt, making the books tumble out of his hands. "Listen here, nerd! You gimme that money or else you're gonna be using it to mend all the bones I'll be snapping in you hand, here!" Remus held up one of the kid's spindly hands as an example, wagging it loosely in his face. His maniacal smile grew as he heard the kid whimper in fear.

  Remus put pressure on one of the kid's fingers as the freckled boy didn't move. "Tic-Toc, brainless bastard!" He snickered sadistically.

  "Fine!!" The kid yelped in fear and shoved the money at the bully. "Just leave me alone!"

  Remus pushed the kid to the ground and shoved the money in his pocket. "As you wish, orange peel!" He stepped on the kid's discarded books and walked over to where Deceit watched.

  "40-60, my snake bitch." Remus said, handing his partner 14 dollars of the 35.

  Deceit counted the money and nodded. "I'm disappointed the newbie slipped by us…" he looked off at where the purple haired boy had been a few minutes prior. "But I think he'll be back…" His amber eyes glowed a near sickly yellow. "And this time we're playing the long game."

~~•~~

  Remus had run off ahead of him so Roman entered the school's doors alone. He had wandered only a few steps inside before a blur of blue and gold barreled into him.

  "GOOD TO SEE YOU, KIDDO!!" Patton shouted, squeezing Roman in an impossibly tight hug.

  "Gah!! Good to see you too, Patton!! But," Roman gasped out, smiling. "I can't breathe, buddy."

  "Oh my GOLLY gee!!" Patton shouted, releasing Roman into open air. "I'm sorry bout that, kiddo!"

  "Really Patton, you should know your own strength by now. It'd be quite a shame if I lost my best friend before we graduated." A deep voice called, his voice laced with amusement.

  Roman softly pushed Patton aside. "Logan!!" He shouted and subsequently barreled into the tall boy, retracting after a right squeeze to just a shoulder hug. "Buddy, it's good to see you!" He laughed.

  Patton made a noise and the two boys turned to look at the shorter one. "And it's not good to see me?! I'm offended! Roman! I am your father-"

  "Not my father-"

  "And you will love me right now!"

  Roman laughed and drew Patton and Logan both into a tight hug. "Man I missed you guys!!"

  Logan gently wrapped his arms around the other two and smiled. "As did we, my friend. As did We."

~~•~~

  It was like any other start of school day. Read syllabus, play a get to know you game, repeat.

  It was really fairly normal for Roman.

  Until his third period.

  Roman knew nearly everyone in his grade, he had been the popular kid back in middle school and that had mostly transferred when he got into high school. So when roll call was being taken, it piqued his interest when a foreign voice answered a foreign name.

  "Roman Prince?"

  "You called?" Roman asked charmingly. The teacher looked at him tiredly. Roman cleared his throat. "Here!" He called a little more calmly.

  "Flora Riley?"

  "Here!"

  "Uh...Virgil Sanders?"

  Virgil Sanders? Roman thought. Maybe I just don't remember him and I'll recognize his vio-

  "Here." A quiet but firm voice answered and Roman checked behind him to see the source of the unrecognized voice. 

  A boy sat in the back of the class with his feet pressed up against the table, curling himself mostly into a ball in his chair. But even so, Roman could see purple hair peeking out from under his patchwork hoodie and stylish, iconic reverse eyeshadow applied to his face. His ripped black jeans and scuffed combat boots made it obvious that there was a new emo in school.

  Cute… Roman thought subconsciously. I mean, he was pretty cute.

  "Alright class. We're gonna play a get to know you game. Now come up and draw sticks." The teacher held out a tin full of stocks with names on them and shook it slightly, letting the wood jingle against the run. "You'll be drawing the person you'll be sitting with for the rest of the semester. You may not trade with anyone, and yeah, that sucks but so does school." The class snickered as people drew sticks. There were only enough for half the class, and the other half drew the sticks.

  Roman was not part of the group that drew sticks. So he sat idly at his seat and began to daydream about how the year would go.

  "You're Roman Prince?" A voice asked.

  Roman snapped out of his dreaming and looked up to see Virgil the Emo standing over him. Roman smirked and out a hand to his chest. "The one and only! Come to admire how pretty I am?" He asked charmingly.

  The emo snorted. "As in pretty dull? Maybe. It is a wonder of the world after all."

  Roman scoffed and pressed his other hand over his heart, as if it hurt. "I'm offended! You wound me!!" Roman held out his hand smiling. "I assume we're seating partners then! How do you do, my emo nightmare?"

  Virgil didn't take his hand, rather he just walked to the back of the class. "Come now, Prince of the Preppy, we don't know each other and honestly I don't think we ever will. We're not sitting up front."

  Roman frowned at the lack of jest in the emo's voice. He thought he and the purple haired boy were flirting wonderfully!

  Since Roman didn't seem to have any other Soul Marks, he didn't have a Soulbound Soulmate. So he freely flirted with every moving thing that breathed.

  But Roman wasn't going to give up that easily. "Hey there, plum hair! Tell me, what's it like looking so fruity?"

  Virgil snorted, and hid his face in his sleeve.

  Nooo!! Roman thought. I wanna see your cute face!!

  "I dunno...what's it like being so fruity?"

  Roman laughed and tried again to reach out his hand. "An absolute delight!"

  When Virgil did nothing but sit down at the table in the farthest back corner of the classroom, Roman deflated a little. This Virgil was cute, albeit a little annoying. I mean all he would do is snark at him! Maybe Roman had misread the situation.

  "Fine alright," Roman have up. "I'll stop talking, panic-at-the-everywhere."

  "Sweet." Though it was the answer he should have been expecting, Roman prickled.

  "So you don't want to talk to me at all?" Roman asked flatly, slightly annoyed.

  "No, not really." Virgil said, pulling out his phone.

  "Really? Like really Really?"

  "Yep." He popped the P and pointedly turned away from Roman.

  "Are you kidding me?"

  "Nope." He again popped the P.

  "You know we're going to have to sit next to each other all semester, right?"

  "Yeah…? And…?"

  "Well you have to talk to me eventually!"

  "And I'll stay here dreading when that dreaded eventually will come."

  "You cannot be serious! Come on I'm fabulous!"

  "Fabulously plastic, dumb, and shallow, if that's what you mean."

  "Shallow?!"

  "Uh, yeah?"

  "How dare-!"

  "Alright class!!" The teacher clapped their hands, stopping the impending fight that was about to break out. They started passing out papers to each of the students. "Now choose one or two, or however many you want and ask them to your partner. And yeah it sounds boring and maybe it might be if you're boring. So don't be a boring teenager."

  Roman and Virgil got the paper and looked it over. It at least Roman did. He finally picked one and asked it, knowing that trying to wait for the Emo to pay attention would be futile.

  "If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?" Roman sighed out.

  The answer that came was almost immediate and nearly shook Roman to his core. "Soulmarks." Virgil seemed to have spat the word out. "I'd get rid of all Soulmarks."

  Roman was about to ask further about it but he heard a loud clang behind him.

  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SLEPT WITH SISSI LETANTA?! YOU SHIT!! YOU KNOW THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S LITTLE SISTER, YOU BASTARD!!!" The girl behind Roman was in an absolute rage. The boy she was talki- screaming at was pale and seemed like he'd wet set himself out of fear at any moment.

  "Whoa…yo Virgil check this ou-" Roman had once again tried to communicate with the Emo boy, but turned to see him filming the whole thing. "What are you doing…?"

  "Blackmail."

  "What?!"

  "You never know when it may come in handy."

  "You're the creepiest emo kid I've ever met."

  "And how many emos have you met exactly?"

  "Three! There was this one girl in my middle school that-"

  "Yeah okay you can shut up now."

  "Well thanks."

  The fight had only been broken up by the bell ringing. And Virgil left without saying a word to Roman.

  What a weird, creepy, cute kid… Roman thought. I think I wanna be his friend.

Again, I’m sorry this is later than I wanted it to be, and It’s not as good as I’d like it to be, but I promise I have things planned for this! Big things! Angsty things! Fluff!! I swear it’s going to be better than it is right now, I’m just a little caught up in life at the moment. Hope you liked it! And do feel free to leave a comment if you want me to tag you!! Sweet dreams!!

Taglist

@anxietea-and-insanitea

@ghostboi-bambi

@scrunchiescrunchie

[8makes1cheese]

f2l with Song Mingi♡

Pairing: Mingi X Reader

RoommateAU, (and like High SchoolAU in the beginning and kinda CollegeAU?)

Tags: cursing, shitty attempts at comedy, fluff, kinda sorta suggestive?, ig drug use and drinking?(booze and weed)

Words: 2.5k

A/N: Okay so, this is my first bullet scenario thing? and its weird...like this is so weird but I tried XD it ended up this weird mix between bullet scenario and oneshot fic and i-

...............all I can do is practice and try to get better but yeah. SO HERES THIS :D (im srry don hate me T-T)

-Finding Your Best Friend-

this bb would be the best-est friend you would have in this world

probably why you fell for him in the first place, but let's not get to ahead of ourselves

you guys met freshman year of high school

your guys' mutual friend Yunho is really the reason why

you just moved to town, and since said town was small, it was clear to you that everybody knew everybody else

you felt pretty lonely on the first day because of that

second day of freshman year is where is all started to come together

you were looking for a nice spot to sit and have your lunch outside because you didn't want to look like the weird loner person eating by themselves in silence

you found a pretty spot under a big tree near the track field, you put a random cool cake making tutorial on your phone and ate your lunch

the video was at a part where they were placing intricate designs in frosting all over the cake when you hear "Whoa, that is so cool!"

you jump about 3 feet in the air and immediately gather up your phone and get up to spin around to see who interrupted your quiet time

a young man, not sure his grade, with peach colored hair and a worried expression on his face, raises his hands in a surrender pose

'okay but what the hell was he doing, watching my phone behind the tree?'

well reader, we'll never know

"I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to scare you that bad! Really, I am so so so sorry!"

you, still in shock, just nod at him

now you're both just standing in front of each other

not saying anything

....well

this is awkward

"I-I'm Yunho...by the way."

you clear your throat, not sure why, nervous habit

"[Y/N].."

"So, uh... Haven't seen you around here before.."

once you explained you were new, and new to the town in general. There was no escape.

you were now best friends with the giant teddy bear and there was nothing you could do about it

yunho immediately took you under his wing and showed you around the campus. Then the town itself after school was out.

but Ro this seems to be turning into a yunho x reader fic/ bullet scenario

stfu I'm getting there

what did this turn into even

so now you and Yunho are bffs

enter giant teddy bear 2.0

you and yunho are hanging out at lunch, it's become a usual for the past two weeks

and Yunhos other bff is becoming sus about why Yunho hasn't been eating with him at lunch or doesn't seem to have as much time after school for him

that's when giant teddy bear 2.0 (if you don't know that its Mingi then idek-) finds his bestie with some random chick

a really adorable random chick

"So this is where you have been?"

you and Yunho start, not expecting someone to find your guys' spot

Also, deja vu, amiright?

"Oh, hey Mingi!" Yunho greets the tall dirty blonde haired teddy bear

And you're totally not sitting there thinking, 'holy shit, he is...wow.'

and that's how it all started

he stayed and introduced himself and you hit it off just as well as you and yunho did

maybe even better..

he started showing up everyday, at the what was dubbed 'The Cool Kids Spot™️' by you all, with yunho

even tho we all know you guys were NOT the cool kids

then it went to him being at the spot before everyone showed up

so he could see you first

then it turned into him meeting you up after class so you both could grab your food together and meet up Yunho at The Spot™️

before you could even realize it, he became your person

you were the first person he ran up to and hugged after him and Yunhos dance group took home 1st place at a competition

he was the first person you called when you were told that your poem won an award

you were the person he'd come to if he needed any kind of advice

and he was the first person you went to if you needed to get out of your head or your anxiety was getting to you

the high school years went by so fast

a lot changed

but what never changed was Mingi, he may have grown

and damn he grew

but he was your constant (and yes, yunho too, we can't forget yunho bro)

-Knowing They're The One-

high school came and went

Mingi and Yunho were accepted by a prestigious performing arts school

you, however, were going to just a regular college

luckily, both schools weren't terribly far from each other

which is why, instead of suffering in dorms, you and Mingi decided to get a apartment together, not far from both schools

yunhos ass stayed with his parents because they live like right next to the school, lucky hoe

you all still make time for each other

but you and Mingi prefer to stay in, order takeout and watch random stuff on YouTube

whenever you or Mingi went out it was always together (unless it was classes)

Grocery shopping? Together. Doctors appointment? Together. Girls night? Together. Guys night? Together.

"So, you must be suffering right now" his friend Yeosang said to him on a rare guys night that didn't involve you.

Mingi looked at Yeosang perplexed, ignoring whatever Wooyoung was talking to him about

"What are you talking about?"

"You and [Y/N] are literally always together, the fact she isn't here surprises me."

Mingi laughed. "We're not always together."

A cacophony of "LIES" and "BULLSHIT" filled the air as all of Mingi friends called him out on his bullshit

Mingi could feel his face heating up

"W-well, so what if we are! Were best friends AND roommates."

"And lovers~" his friend San whispered in his ear from behind and laughed, dancing away before Mingi could hit him

"We're not together!" Mingi exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

"But you want to be."

Mingi turned to look at the owner of the voice. It was Yunho, leaning against the entrance of the kitchen everyone was gathered in

He was looking at Mingi with a smirk

Mingi knew Yunho knew how he felt about you

and not because he told him

well...he kinda did

FLASHBACK TIME

it was your guys' high school graduation

more specifically, the night of, and you were all partying and yunhos house

celebrating the fact that you all were officially adults now

lol you thought

and what better way to celebrate that than with underage drinking

be safe kids, don't drink irresponsibly

and Mingi. Got. Wasted.

by the end of the night, he was crying (and maybe puked once or twice...) in Yunhos arms about how beautiful you were, and how amazing and talented you were

wouldn't shut up about how soft and perfect you feel in his arms when he hugs you or vice versa

"She is my soulmate." After every other sentence mentioning how perfect you are

but wait, where were you while Mingi was crying and puking you ask?

That night you met Yeonjun, who is now one of your closest friends

  at first, a friend of Wooyoungs, who you all became friends with junior year, along with his best friend San

Yeonjun, who went to a different school across town, was invited along by Woo and San

you and Yeonjun hit it off so well, drinking and laughing, and talking about how much he loves his boyfriend Soobin, and maybe you drunkingly going on about how amazing Mingi is

however, Mingi didn't know Yeonjun

and what he saw that night was you, enjoying your time with someone who wasn’t him, laughing at jokes that weren't his, hanging all over someone who could never know you as well as he did (and that totally wasn't the reason that Mingi drank like 2 bottles of straight vodka, not at all)

and at that moment

he knew

he fucked up

he was in love with you

OKAY END OF FLASHBACK

Mingi wasn't sure what to say

he could deny it sure, but he knew it was useless

not after every person in the room gave him a knowing smirk after Yunhos comment

“She doesn't-”

“Oh, whatever. you guys are literally already a couple. And dont even try to deny that. If she was here right now, she’d probably be on your lap and you two would be sitting in some corner of the house whispering some weird drunk lovey shit to each other.”

well...

Mingi really didn't have a argument for that

that night he came home sober

but you didn't know that until months later when he told you he wasn't actually drunk

anyways when he got home you were sitting in the living room

music playing away on YouTube while you type away on your laptop

you didn't hear him come in, softly singing along to the song under your breath

he stood there for a moment and just..looked at you

your hair was a mess

you had on the same clothes as yesterday

probably haven't done a skincare routine in months

you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his life

he felt so much love swell in his chest

hes known it for a while now but at that moment all that was going on in his head was

“That’s my soulmate. I love her. I love her so much.”

“Hey.”

he wasn't sure if he had said it loud enough but apparently he had because you flinched and turned to see who the ‘intruder’ was

“Oh, Mingi! Shit, you scared me...” you laughed. “How was guys night?”

He made his was over to sit on the couch as you told him how your paper was coming along and then waited for him to answer your question

he sat for a good minute not saying anything

“Mingi?”

he looked at you

“you okay hun?” you asked, placing your hand on his cheek

and then he kissed you

it was so quick, you had no time to register that it was happening at all

and he left just as quickly

slamming the door to his bedroom and leaving you flustered and panicked

-So....Lovers?-

the morning after the kiss was the most awkward moment that you and Mingi had ever had

luckily it didn't last long at all

you two were silent, awkwardly making breakfast

then Mingi busted out with “Man, I’m so hungover! I barely remember anything from last night!”

“Do...do you remember anything from when you came home?”

“No, to be honest, I don't even remember coming home...”

-cue forced laughter-

-cue Mingi not trying to be disappointed when you looked relieved-

 he asked you if anything happened and tried not to feel sad about the fact you were going on about how nothing happened and he just came home and went to bed

why wouldn't you mention the kiss? maybe everyone had it wrong, you didn't feel the same. why else would you avoid it?

but everything went back to...normal

you two would cuddle every night on the couch

you showed up to every guys night like usual

(there may or may not have been more knowing smirks thrown Mingis way)

he showed up to the rare girls nights you'd have with your (like 2) girlfriends

(they literally just consisted of everyone chilling in some secluded spot and sparking up a blunt or two and bull-shittng)

but everything wasn't normal

because even though it lasted 0.0002 seconds long

Mingi cannot stop thinking about that kiss

neither can you for that matter

that's when you confided in your bestie Yeonjun

who knew all about your love for your other bestie

you went to Yeonjuns one Saturday afternoon without mingi

its been a month since the kiss and Yeonjun is only disappointed in the fact that you didn't tell him sooner

his solution was simple, just tell him how you feel

its so god damn obvious he feels the same

but who are you to do the simple thing right?

so what do you do?

you go with Soobins idea

and :) you:) go:) on:) a:) blind:) date:) with one of soobin and yeonjuns friends:)))))))

well

at least you were supposed to..

the night comes when you were supposed to meet at a nice cafe with their friend Beomgyu

you. were. lookin. FIRE BABY

slaayyyyy

you were in the kitchen grabbing your keys

and maybe prolonging the fact that your going out with someone who isn't MIngi

when Mingi walked out to heat himself up a noodle cup

and maybe one for you too because he didn't think you were going anywhere and was going to ask if you wanted to chill in his room and play mario kart

his jaw DROPPED when he saw you

he felt like he was just kicked in the gut, all breath left his lungs

and he may or may not have gotten an instant boner but-

he cleared his throat to get your attention

“You look...nice.” wow, Mingi, smooth

“O-oh, thanks, um... ill be back later okay?”

when Mingi asked where you'll be going and you said you had a blind date, he swears to this day he blacked out for a moment

next thing he knew he had you pushed against the counter

“Mingi-”

“No.”

“w-what..”

“You don't have a date.”

“But I do-”

then his lips were pressed against yours

and unlike the first, this one lasted a hell of a lot longer than 0.0002 seconds

it wasn't fireworks or butterflies or a sudden realization of unconditional love

it was rough and messy and filled with so many emotions including relief that your love for each other can finally blossom

you didn't say a word to each other when you parted

you stared at each other for a while, panting with big smiles on your faces

once your breathing returned to normal you gently pushed him back so you weren't pressed against the counter anymore

“I’m going to change in PJ's.”

Mingis smile lit up his whole face. “But I thought you had a date..”

“No, I don't.” you kissed his cheek and left to change.

-YES LOVERS FINALLY-

so you guys never really sat down and were like ‘hey so are we...?’

because you both knew you just....were

after that night you guys started acting like you had been dating for months

it was just like before

because of course, like always, Yunho was right

you guys already acted like you were dating

now kisses and a lot more were added to the mix

which just made everything 1000x better

everyone knew it was just a matter of time

you loved waking up to his arms wrapped around your waist and him softly snoring in your ear

he loved waking up to you peppering kisses all over his collar bones and neck

your loved bloomed♡

A/N pt2: Im sorry if the end seems so rushed as well, I started running out of steam and my mind blanked but I didn't want to prolong this and never post it...like i do with everything...

Thank you for reading!

[currentfandomkick]

Miraculous Team and the Batboys- Mundane Monday and Plot is Connecting Maybe

HEY so thank you all for waiting, puppy plus work being mobbed is hell, so this took forever to get brain power to write... oh well.

--

Marinette was on guard when she came into class. Her meeting of the “End Gabriel Agreste” Club with its core four members—herself, Chloe, Nino and Sabrina—went well. They were now 15% away from their goal.

Apparently Felix snatched up 3% on his own and gave it to MDC while she was away. Apparently it was his way of a peace offering… or a bribe not to kill him on sight. She wasn’t sure which… yet.

Properly awake and with her favorite drink (blend of dark roast, cream and a tiny bit of Energy Mayhem Special) she was good for the day. Everyone had their usual orders in their seats.

She raised an eyebrow when she noticed a text from Red Robin on her phone, currently a rose and bird emoji label.

RR: So, scale of one to ten, how bad is it if I accidently figured out your partner?

Marinette took a deep breath at that, checked the classroom (Nino was off with Kitty Section debating how to fix the ‘off’ bit of the rift in Rose’s latest song—something about it not ‘punching right’ and Luka being busy with his other band, Chloe and Sabrina were currently fighting Bustier in her office, Alya was conspiring with the Girl Squad on Lila’s end since she wasn’t in, Max and Kim were obviously eavesdropping on that conversation while Nathaniel was off in his own world). Damian still hadn’t come in, and Adrien wasn’t in yet… she wondered if her Chaton was going to sleep in for once.

LB: Please tell me you haven’t told your team

She kept her breathing steady, not letting panic overtake. That would alert people she didn’t want knowing, to looking, which leads to suspecting and rumors and theories and she’d like to avoid that entirely—especially since she still can’t really lie.

RR: I have a feeling you would kick us all out if I did, so I haven’t.

Marinette sighed, tension leaving her shoulders.

LB: Good. Keep it that way as long as you can, okay?

RR: They’re detectives, once they have the pieces they’ll put it together… also, why is your team so easy to figure out?

Marinette winced at that.

LB: Dumb Magic Rules.

Like the one that training a wielder young will prevent corrupting them to use it for personal gain. Like the one where a Guardian cannot be a True Guardian until they connect to the entire Box or Set of kwami. Like the one where Fu can’t give up being Guardian until she’s fully fledged… and that means until she can reclaim the Nooroo and Dusuu and heal Dusuu’s miraculous. That when she does—when she does Fu is gone.

She kept her breathing steady. nothing that they wouldn’t see as Typical Marinette Fretting Over Orders… not that they knew she had those cleared for the month.

“Good morning Dupain Cheng.”

She put her phone away easily, quick to keep up Typical Marinette (no plotting or superheroing here, just Typical Marinette, Baker’s Daughter and Keeper of Secret Drink Menu).

“Hi Damian, how was your weekend?”

“Annoying.” She winced at that. He didn’t exactly have friends here, and time differences are a horrible strain on them… Maybe Ladybug should keep an eye on him… just in case. “I hope yours was adequate.”

She was really wondering who taught him French today… he was being less him and more… stuffy than usual.

“I just needed some time away...” Honestly, she needed a lifetime away from Bustier and Hawkmoth… Lila was manageable (now).

“I am glad you were able to then.”

She was wondering where her deskmate went and why he wasn’t looking at her… Maybe she overdid it last week? She—no. She is stopping her analysis brain from going off and---

“Hello Marinette,” grinned obviously Not-Adrien. Seriously—how did they all fall for it back then? Body language, facial tics, accent—its all wrong.

She narrowed her eyes, not aware that Damian was doing the same beside her.

“Aw, didn’t you miss me?”

Nino came over then, scrunching up his nose as they both could tell Fake Adrien Agreste from the real one with ease now.

“What are you doing here,” Nino was definitely tired… He was not applying his sleep schedule quiz results at all. She was so lecturing him… lunch. She could pencil it in for lunch after wrecking Felix for taking Adrien’s place for the day.

“Oh, good to see I-Love-You Girl isn’t the only one that grew a brain since I last saw you all.” Felix raised an eyebrow at Damian, lingering. Plotting. “You’re new.”

“American Transfer, leave him out of whatever’s going on in that thing you call a brain.” Marinette was not going to deal with an akuma over this. Nope. She was not dealing with that again—or a series of Akuma… God she was going to kill Felix personally if he did. Chloe was untouchable as the Mayor’s daughter, but him? She could take him down again.

“And where’s my bro?”

“Your precious Ladybug,” He sneered, “didn’t cast whatever she did last time, and he’s home sick since his allergies are acting up. I figured it’d be as good a time as any to pull our old switcheroo to keep his Father-Farthest away.”

Marinette twitched at that. She knew she was forgetting something… She sent a quick text to Red Robin.

LB: Why didn’t you tell me it was Mr. Pigeon irl, not video!

RR: …you thought I figured it out from a video?

Marinette rolled her eyes openly at her phone, ignoring Nino as he threatened Felix with his own brand of Bro Shovel Speech.

LB: detectives, most of our battles are caught a decent amount on video, and most of Paris knows that Mr. Pigeon makes him sneeze. Really not a hard recon.

RR: I think you are overestimating my willingness to watch amateur video at length when I can outsource.

Marinette huffed at that.

LB: So you trusted them to not miss major clues when you were all working on different things and would miss key connections?

RR: we’re on the same page as a team. Plus, I get better info filtered with my apps

LB: Magic Fucks Things Up

RR: I’ve noticed.

She looked up to see Damian staring ahead, and wondered if she did something, or didn’t or—NO! Bad Marinette—no going down Rumination Ruin until its time to sleep. She needs daytime for Plotting, Nighttime for Anxiety and Regrets to run wild.

She kept her attention forward when class began, pointedly Not Talking To The Gremlin but not busting him either—she wasn’t going to get Adrien in trouble. Bustier may not notice the abuse signs, but a few other teachers had, and were given the ‘heads up’ by Nino and Chloe and Sabrina.

Lila was the only one unaware of the switch when she left during lunch to drop off a few deliveries her parents asked her to handle when the rush hit. Mostly to one elderly home, and one to her favorite Rescues Only center.

(if she was seen cooing at Lord Murder—yes she knows that’s a Bad Name but the giant kitty amputee was named that years ago before she was found and stubbornly refuses all other names. So, Lord Murder (Never Lady, she hisses at that) it was.)

She blinked when she saw Damian walk in on her checking the Lord Murder’s prosthetic.

“Hey Damian.”

“Dupain Cheng.”

Marinette nodded in acknowledgement and hoped he didn’t catch her calling Lord Murder “the lord and master of murder, the most deadly kitty in existence, and yes, clearly the most cunning of kitties to manage to scratch Mean ol’ Jean with the new paw when it doesn’t even have claws, because you are The Lord Murder, kitty of cuteness and wrath to all unwanted bath times.”

He was watching her then. “Lord likes you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow, as yes, her favorite rescue (sorry Chat) likes her. She’s the one who argued them into letting them try out prosthetics and handled the funding (officially as MDC) and may have gone overboard on checking everything from the fits and materials and… yeah, okay, she could admit that the giant fluffy Norwegian Forest home in a millisecond if it wasn’t for the health code violation (soon… Gina mentioned she might stop renting out her old house soon as the current group was only a quick temp and she didn’t want someone else living there that wasn’t like family… and something about her Lost Son using it for the moment. Maybe she could convince Maman and Papa to let her do house sitting is she breaks out the Kitten Eyes.)

“Yes. Yes she does.”

Then Lord slow blinked at Damian. She wasn’t sure if she sould be offended or worry her favorite might be adopted by someone else, or glad that it was a serial pet adopter that actually took care of their pets and would be just as nuts as her about making sure Lord Murder was happy and healthy.

“I see she likes you too.”

She could feel Tikki dying in her bag… yes, she was being… awkward. She got it…

“Anyways, I should get going, still have a delivery to do and all so…”

She didn’t, she just really had no idea how to broach the Awkward that was Damian Greyson at the moment.

“See you tomorrow.”

That got him to pause. “Tomorrow?”

“Uh, gymnastics for the rest of the day, making up for what I missed so…”

“If you see the Other Grayson, tell him he is not to hug you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow. “I…” Brother, father, maybe cousin or legal guardian or friend of his father’s. Too many possibilities, too much to spiral on that she can’t right now. SO.

“O. okay then.”

“Good.”

Marinette waited for him to leave the room, looking at a Too Amused Lord Murder.

“Don’t you start with me, I know I’m a mess on a good day. And no, I’m not overthinking this time Lord, I’m planning, there’s a difference… And no, its not an Alya Plot.”

Those went sideways too fast.

She left with ease and froze at the text from Red Robin.

RR: Can we meet up tonight? No traces that way.

She sent a time and place and –If no akumas happen.

--

THANK YOU ALL FOR WAITING. it has been a hellish time at work and extra shifts and war-zone lately on top of Precious Puppy Bonding and Care. As always, edits when I can get there and any comments or things you'd like to see expanded on more, leave a comment and I'll try to work it in if it flows.

As you can see, Plot Lines are converging soon.

Big Question though--what kind of Lila Exposed By Class do we want/are angling for? I can go legal or social backlash, blacklisting from Agreste brand, or some combo, or keep it a background element as I don't like how cannon Lila is written and the characters altered to make her bad lies work, so...

Other inquiry--do we want Dick to see Marinette take down someone (probably trying to rob her) on her way out of her gymnastics place on her way home using a few Obviously MIxed Gymnastics and Specific Brand of Martial Arts that feels oddly familiar to Nightwing who tells Red Robin and for him to groan as 'Coffee Angel, Why!' and then the next day its 'oh. Coffee Angel is also That Woman's Granddaughter. It all makes Sense now.' (as i hc Gina as probably busting a few drug, weapons, and human trafficking rings on occasion as how she met Jason back in the day) OR for him to only see the end as Nightwing and stare as she took them down and used her earbuds as 'makeshift handcuffs' while she's calling Sabrina as "I'm fine, no dodged their hits and yes i didn't get gassed this time... yes I'll let the medics look me over and no i'm not going to vanish before they get here unless Akuma, Yes if that happens i'll go to the hospital after--Look, i think i saw a shadow just move. I'm going on Akuma-mode now so... Thanks!" before running to meet up with Red Robin and have it take meeting Gina and looking between Gina and Marinette and how she responds to Jason trying to spar with her and then it clicks? I can go either way, but... Tim figures them out quick and straight up says at one point "I mean, Queen Bee after Style Queen, inverse colors... I've seen the multiverse, I had her pegged after seeing her in the bakery last week." All while Not Telling The Bats as Marinette's team doesn't even know and he has a feeling (correctly) she'll react Badly if she isn't the one to tell him before he comes clean, and ears her bolting as 'no support, team leader, and often absentee and likely disabled mentor, civilian life was a wreck for two years and her civilian safety net is only JUST reforming... hm. That's Famil--Oh.... well... wait until trust is there and let her move on that front, try not to set her off and offer help in what she'll allow--or risk pissing off the demi-goddess of creation and his Coffee Angel. Which he'd like to avoid, please and thank you.

Yeah, Tim is definitely going to Project on Marinette in this.

Also, I see Jason or Dick as Getting Marinette is InvolvedTM next... and Damian being the one to confirm the suspicions.

Prefer Jason Big Brothering or Dick "New Sister Mode Engaged" to suspect she's a temp hero? (Jason via Have You Seen Her in a Spar--and it's Gina's Granddaughter vs Dick 'Her Moves are Too Familiar, Maybe Ladybug uses her as a Body Double and trains her?' as the first Suspicion Arisen among the Bats.

[ardentprose]

Chapter 2 - Together

Yoongi X Reader

Warnings: Language, Implied Racism?? (just in case)

Thank you as always for your patience. Battling anxiety and writer’s block is not easy but I made it through! These chapters may become shorter so that they are easier to read and more frequent. Thanks <3.

Thanksgiving Break.

Cars roll up to dormitories, some carrying friends, others parents who have made the drive to see their beloved children and take them home for a hot dinner. Within a few hours most of the campus is abandoned. Dorms stand clean, vacant and locked. The cafeteria prepares its last late lunch before closing down its services. Those staying on campus for one reason or another have their fridges stocked for the next twenty four hours for their own small celebrations.

Tucked away in one of the dorms’ bedrooms, Min Yoongi shoves various black pieces of clothing into his duffle bag. Unlike his fellow dorm mates roaring with delight in the hallways, Yoongi is less than thrilled.

To start, he had no idea the Thanksgiving break existed, let alone Thanksgiving. Call him air-headed or ignorant, but Yoongi preferred the term focused. So hyper focused that he could miss big details around him like a national holiday that shut down every school in the country.

With one hand Yoongi presses down his clothing, while the other attempts to zip up his bag bit by bit. Biceps flexing and knuckles protruding, Yoongi leans all his weight into the bag until it finally shuts with a satisfactory zip.

He releases a huge sigh and turns to his empty backpack. He still has to pack his music equipment. It’s nothing fancy like he has back in Korea, but a small portable keyboard, laptop, headphones, and launch pad.

But for now he’s hungry and if he doesn’t hurry Hoseok will raid the pantry and steal his portion of snacks. On his way to the kitchen, Yoongi slams the door closed to their dorm, effectively muting the rowdy men in the halls. One he swears is Kim Seokjin cursing out his roommate for spilling a beer.

“You packed and ready to go?” Hoseok asks from where he stands in front of the pantry doing exactly what Yoongi feared. The shorter boy walks up behind him and hip checks Hoseok out the way. Hoseok allows it and easily reaches over Yoongi’s head. 

“Yeah for the most part.” Yoongi mutters, sliding an arm into the shelf and hugging all his snacks at once to his chest.

A pack of Cheetos drops and both boys glance down at it. Hoseok swoops down and picks it up, offering it to Yoongi.

“Keep it.” Yoongi says, turning to head back to his room.

“Alright, Yoon, not so fast.” Hoseok tugs on Yoongi’s shoulder but it doesn’t deter the solemn man from heading back to his bedroom. Hoseok follows on his heels, trying to gauge his roommate’s mood.

“You never let me have your snacks. What’s wrong?” He asks, tossing the Cheetos on Yoongi’s bed and then going over to hop onto his. Hoseok was an efficient, clean person - most of the time. The past weeks had gotten a tad hairy but Hoseok made up for it by deep cleaning their dorm until it smelled of lemon and Clorox. As such Hoseok was packed and waiting for his ride two hours in advance, giving him ample time to figure out what had his roommate so down.

Lying back and tucking his hands behind his head, Hoseok watches Yoongi find places for his snacks to go around the equipment he puts into the backpack.

After another minute of silence, Hoseok is about to ask again when Yoongi finally responds.

“I’m going with Y/N to her house.”

“No shit, really? You excited, bro? That’s practically an invitation to-”

“No, it isn’t.” Yoongi shoots Hoseok a glare hard enough to make him swallow the rest of his sentence.

“Then why are you going?”

“She invited me.”

“And you want to go?”

“I don’t have a choice. They’re closing down the school.”

“You could stay if you really wanted to. But you’re not. You’re going to Y/N’s house and celebrating Thanksgiving with her family. “

“Yeah.”  Yoongi exhales, sending the word out between shaky lips. Hoseok narrows his eyebrows, then sits up to see if Yoongi truly looks as terrified as he sounds.

“Yoongi.” He calls and slowly, Yoongi turns to meet Hoseok’s eyes.

“You’re freaking out aren’t you? Don't worry. I’m sure Y/N’s family is as sweet as she is.”

“I’ve never been to an American house before.” Yoongi admits. He sits down on the edge of his bed and drops his face into his hands.

Hoseok hums, reaching across the few feet of space between their beds and taking Yoongi’s hand in his own.

“Okay, but Americans are not some alien species. They’re normal people like us and once you get there you’ll have fun with them. Especially if Y/N’s there with you.”

“Are you sure?” Yoongi lifts his head, sending his friend an incredulous look. “I have yet to see normal behavior from them.”

Hoseok wrinkles his brow, then bursts into laughter as realization dawns.

“Yoongi! Trust me! I’ve been here two years alright? I lived with an American family last year and they were the coolest people I have ever met. You’re freaking yourself out over something that’s not a big deal. We come from different cultures, but so what? At the end of the day we’re all human and we all like to eat.”

“You sound like Y/N.” Yoongi groans, rubbing his face in anxiety.

“Hyung, listen.” Hoseok’s tone becomes serious as he searches for Yoongi’s eyes. “You will be fine. Y/N wouldn’t take you with her if she thought you wouldn’t enjoy it. And if you get uncomfortable just tell her. I can’t imagine she would get offended.”

“I’m not doing that.” Yoongi frowns, lifting his reddened face from his relentless palms. His lower lip juts out and his cheek are round and flushed.

“Ah, hyung. Then just stay on campus.” Hoseok gives up, falling backwards onto the bed and releasing a groan.

“N-no. I want to go.” Yoongi mumbles. His heart is thudding in his chest and his palms are clammy, but no matter how terrified he is of your family, Yoongi knew he didn’t want to mope around his empty dorm for five days.

He knows he would be miserable spending the holiday alone, because his attitude has already changed since meeting you. Much to his disliking. The first few weeks of school Yoongi refused to leave his dorm, not even for Hoseok. He liked having the dorm to work on his music without disruption.

But then he met you. Smiling, laughing, sweetheart you. Someone who promised to help him pass his English tests. Someone who forced him out to a cafe once a week in order to study. Someone who tried his coffee even though she didn’t like the black taste of it. Someone who was gentle when he stuttered. Someone who trusted him enough to fall asleep on her books in public.

And somewhere along the way Yoongi suddenly found himself looking forward to the cafe sessions every Thursday. Now whenever he was alone he missed having you around to fill the silence. He spent hours looking up unique coffee flavors to win you over instead of working on the next bar of his latest song. Instead of glaring and refusing to speak, Yoongi laughed with you whenever he mispronounced a word. Never having been one to initiate conversations, now he couldn’t help but tease you just to earn your pretty eyes on him again and again. To hear you say his name felt like he was the most beautiful Korean word you had learned.

Yoongi chews on his lip, his eyes coming back into focus as he picks up on Hoseok’s humming while texting away on his phone. Hoseok was used to these sessions where yoongi would temporarily leave the planet and be lost in the recesses of his mind. As if it was second nature Hoseok drops his phone on his stomach and looks over at Yoongi.

“So you’re going?”

“I’m going.”

----- “Hey Yoongi!” You wave across the parking lot causing the older man to blush and look down at the sidewalk. Hearing your rapid footsteps he comes to a stop, meeting your excited eyes with his one apprehensive ones.

“Are you ready? Is this all your stuff? Do you need help carrying anything?” You fire questions at him making him widen his eyes at the near foreign words flying from your chapped lips.

“I’m all right.” He answers after processing the words.

“Hey, that’s English! We’re not even studying. Wow, you must have an amazing teacher.” You wink and laugh. Yoongi just smiles, overwhelmed by this new side of you that is clearly excited for this Thanksgiving holiday.

“Are you ready?” Yoongi asks following you back to your little grey sedan. You nod several times while popping open the trunk for him to place his duffel bag and backpack in beside your luggage.

“I’ve been waiting for Thanksgiving break for years.” You drag out the last word and slam the trunk closed.

“I can’t wait for you to meet my family, Yoongi.” You send him a heart-stopping smile before digging your keys out your pocket and sliding into the front seat.

Yoongi swallows. He doesn’t want to take away from your excitement but to say the feelings were mutual would be far from the tight ball of nerves currently wrapping around Yoongi’s throat.

Getting in and closing his passenger door with a thud, Yoongi leans back against the seat and slides his hands down his black jeans. He shifts his legs together than apart and tries to figure out what to do with his arms.

Why am I so weird? Just stop moving and sit still. Yoongi berates and shifts again until you flick on the radio distracting him from his attempt at not being awkward.

The first few minutes of the drive pass in silence. Trees blur into one another as you speed up, heading towards the highway.

“Do you care if we get some snacks?” You ask, breaking the silence with a glance Yoongi’s way.  

He nods knowing full well his backpack is stuffed with snacks. Hoseok even gave him a parting gift of some Haribo gummy bears to wish him good luck.

“Great, let’s stop here.” You say and turn into a bright yellow gas station.

Just say you already have snacks in your bag, idiot. Save some money.

But she might not like them. They’re mostly Korean junk food.

Just ask and see what she says.

Who am I to deny her? She wants snacks. We get snacks. Yoongi ends his internal debate by slamming the car door closed and follows you into the convenience store.

Although having been in America for a semester now, Yoongi never grew tired of how many Americans snacks there were in your average store. All the rainbow advertisements and family sized packaging blew him away and was the reason he fell into an obsession of hoarding chips, Cheetos, and candy from his roommate.

You split up heading towards the bathroom while Yoongi walks down the candy aisle. After picking up some Twizzlers, he turns the corner and finds a familiar blue package of chocolate cookies. He grabs it and purses his lips, sounding out the word.

“Oh ree oh….Oreo!” Lighting up with recognition, Yoongi chuckles, grabbing two packs of the sweet cookies. If there was anything he had learned in this country, it was oreos were fucking cocaine to college students.

Even if I can’t finish all of these, I can always sell them. He reasons while grabbing a third pack.

“Hey, what’d you find?” You grin, back from the bathroom, and Yoongi grins back, unabashed by the amount of food in his arms. “You know my family will feed you right?”

Yoongi recognizes your teasing tone and rolls his eyes.

“Olee- Oh ree oh.” Yoongi grins.

“They’re good!” You agree, taking some from his arms.

“Fuck yeah.”

You burst into laughter, walking ahead of him to the counter. “Yoongi, I swear the only English you’ve learned how to say correctly are curse words.” You grab some things along the way for yourself and set them on the counter.

“Oh wait! I want to grab some gummy bears for my sister!” You turn on your heel and take off towards the candy section.

“I have gummy bears!” Yoongi calls after you, but you must not understand him as you disappear around the bend.

Turning back to the counter, Yoongi spots a bell and rings it. The cashier, an older man with slumped shoulders and bags under his eyes swings the backroom door open. He eyes Yoongi up and down before shuffling forward to sit down at the cash register.

Silently, he starts ringing Yoongi’s snacks up while Yoongi pushes the items within the man’s reach.

Yoongi glances towards the candy section where you disappeared to. The man is almost done ringing up his things. He hasn’t so much as spared a glance towards him, but he might ask a question Yoongi doesn’t know the answer to.

Please hurry up. He bites his lip as the cashier meets Yoongi’s eyes for the first time. He must look a nervous wreck because the cashier raises his eyebrow for a tenth of a second before sliding his gaze into neutral once more.

“Ten ninety five.” The man clears his throat.

Yoongi swallows thickly, and pulls out his wallet from his back pocket. Separating the green bills he searches for the correct number, praying you’re on your way back before he has to hand over the money.

Alas, you are still nowhere to be seen as Yoongi picks out a ten and picks out a five dollar bill - just to be safe - and places it on the counter.

“I said ten ninety five.” The man says. Lightning courses through Yoongi’s veins.

Shit! I got it wrong. Before he can grab the money back the cashier sweeps up the cash, muttering something under his breath.

“Hey, sorry. I found them.” You sigh, placing your hand on Yoongi’s shoulder and reaching before him to drop the candy.

“You have to wait your turn.” The cashier rests his hand on the open drawer, staring at you.

“Oh, no we’re together.” You respond, offering a polite smile.

“You’re with him?” The man states it like it’s a warning, causing your smile to fall.

Yoongi glances between you two, trying to figure out what the problem was. Or why your hand - which he was still processing as being on his shoulder - was now clenching his bicep.

I’m studying harder this break. He chews on his lip, sensing the tension between you and the cashier. His heart begins to pound, hands growing moist.

“Yeah. We are.” You state in the same tone the cashier used with you. Stepping closer to Yoongi, you hook an arm around him and send the man a look. “Thanks.”

Yoongi’s face blooms and he grows stiff, his entire mind focused on the fact that you were touching him, holding his arm against your side like it would be ripped away from you otherwise.

“To each his own I guess.” The cashier mumbles, sliding the receipt back over and unhooking the plastic bag to hand over the counter.

“Yup.” You respond curtly, turning with Yoongi on your arm and leaving the store.

He follows you numbly to the car, not realizing your speaking to him until he feels a sharp poke to his side.  

“Yoongi? Are you alright?”

“Hm? Yeah.” He blinks, watching you toss the snacks in the back and then get into the car. He follows suit and pulls the seatbelt across his chest.

“I’m sorry about in there. I can’t believe he asked that.”

“What happened?” Yoongi asks softly, blushing with the lack of knowledge he possessed in order to help you.

“Oh, you didn’t understand him? Well that’s for the best then.  It wasn’t a big deal. He...he just assumed something.”

“Assumed?”

“Guessed wrongly.”

After a moment of silence, letting you concentrate on merging onto the highway, Yoongi turns to you once again.

“Together. What does it mean?”

“Together?” Yoongi frowns watching your cheeks color.

Now he was more confused than before. Did the cashier insult you in some way? He himself be damned, if that man said anything to upset you Yoongi swears he will find the location of that gas station and teach the man a thing or two - in Korean.

“I-It just means...like...you know...we stay with each other.” You wrinkle your brow and your knuckles tighten around the steering wheel.

“Me and you. We are together?” He asks for clarification. In return he gets an even deeper shade of red on your face. You lick your lips, curling them into your mouth.

“Yeah...we are.” you hesitate and Yoongi watches amused. “As friends.”

“Together. Friends.” He sighs satisfied with your explanation. Yoongi closes his eyes and leans back against the headrest.

“Yeah. Friends.” You repeat in a voice so soft,  Yoongi barely catches the words as he drifts off. 

[znaeb]

Coming home to you. | Z.K.

The only thing that Zion wanted right now was her.

His stress level was higher than a motherfucker, his anxiety was getting up there, his whole body hurt, and he hadn’t slept well in days. The tour was literally the most amazing thing to ever happen to him, but it was also the most exhausting thing he’d ever put himself through.

He was hoping to facetime her tonight after the show, but the boys got back to the bus later than he thought and he was sure she'd be sleeping by now. He sent a quick text just to see and waited anxiously for a response. Nothing.

He sighed and tossed his phone onto his bunk before going to the kitchenette to find some food. He searched through all the cabinets and found nothing that looked even remotely appealing, so he went back, changed his clothes, and got in bed to sleep.

As he laid there he thought about a lot, his brain wouldn't shut off. He missed his own bed and his dog, and his mom... but his mind kept returning to her.

He missed how soft her skin was, how she smelled, and the way her hair was always a little tangly in the back because she wouldn't stop running her hand through it.

He was just starting to drift off when the text came through...

“baby?”

he quickly grabbed his phone and replied, 

“I'm here.”

He smiled to himself, “I miss her.” He whispered out loud. his smile widened at her response,

“call me?”

The phone was pressed to his ear and ringing within seconds. 

“Hi.” he heard that soft voice through the phone, she always sounded so sweet. 

“I love you.” he blurted without a thought.

she giggled and whispered back, “and I love you.” 

they were silent for a second, both relishing the comfort brought about just by knowing that the other was there. 

“I want to come home to you,” he spoke earnestly. His emotions had built and built, and he was beginning to crack under the pressure of, well, everything. An unmeasurable amount of chaos and stress had been added to his life because of this tour, and while he was extremely grateful... he couldn't help but wonder what he would be doing right now if he wasn't here. If he wasn't in the band.

"but not yet, baby." she whispered comfortingly in his ear, "you want to be there, you're just worn a little thin is all.” she always made him feel listened to, she always knew what to say.

"I know, you're right." he rolled onto his side and let the phone rest against his face, no hands.

"When am I ever wrong?" she giggled at her own joke.

When her laughter died down, he said, "when I get home we should stay in for a week...everyone will think we died, so nobody will bother us. Perfect." he joked, but to be completely honest, it sounded like heaven to be cooped up in an apartment with her for a week.

"Hmm... As long as you bring chocolate milk." He could hear her smiling, as odd as that sounds.

"Got it." He'd give anything to have her right then. He missed her more than he knew it was possible miss a person.

"Baby, you have an early morning tomorrow, don't you?" She questioned, they always shared their weekly schedules, and she had a scary good memory.

"I was hoping you'd forget and stay on the phone for a while longer... but yeah, I do." He rubbed his face, "The interview starts at 9am, I think."

"8:45." She corrected him. This made Zion laugh hard.

"Baby, I miss you so much, I don't know what to do with myself," He felt pathetic admitting to it.

"Two weeks." She recited, she was counting down the days until they could be together... although she’d never admit how thoroughly she’d been keeping track.

"Two weeks," He repeated with a sigh.

"Alright sir, you need to go to bed." She gave him a faux scolding.

"Yes, ma'am." He rolled his eyes, and even though she couldn't see him, somehow she knew exactly what his face looked like.

"Okay." She giggled, the line was quiet before he spoke.

"But text me in the morning, alright?" He let himself be vulnerable. She made him feel all mushy inside.

"It’s a deal." She smiled to herself at his growing level of clinginess.

"Okay. Goodnight mamas." He said softly, "I love you."

"I love you too, goodnight honey."

They both rested easy, the knowledge that the other was thinking about them too brought a weird yet welcome comfort.

--

Two weeks had passed and before he knew it, Zion was preparing for the last show of the tour. He was sad it was over, but so excited to go home to his girl.

“dude, can you believe it? It feels like yesterday that we left for tour, and now we're almost done? Crazy.” he heard Austin muse from the back of the bus. He smiled because he felt the same way, everything happened so fast that it didn't seem real. He had to pinch himself sometimes. 

“I can't wait for tonight, its gonna be lit.” Brandon chimed in as he ate his cereal. That boy, always eating cereal. 

“I'm excited too, but guys I'm deadass gonna ditch all you smelly degenerates for y/n when we get home.” Zion laughed.

Edwin faked hurt even though he'd probably be doing the same thing with his girlfriend. They all needed a rest and some time apart. Being in a cramped bus with four other dudes for weeks in a row made you miss girls... they're so much cleaner, and they smell so lovely, and they know how to fold things. 

“Honestly I’m glad to get away from this god forsaken bus. You’re all annoying. For real though, Zion... you snore my dude, like badly.” Nick shook his head, “like I thought you were faking it to annoy me for the longest time, man.” 

they all laughed when Z flipped him off and shook his head playfully, “yeah well you talk in your sleep and it's just as annoying, so I don't want to hear it, bro.” 

they joked around more during soundcheck and then parted ways to start getting ready for their last show. 

2:00 a.m. 

He was groggy and not in the mood to move, but he could hear someone saying his name and feel a slight shaking of his shoulder. He tried to roll over but groaned when he hit his elbow on a wall, no, armrest? He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he opened his eyes to look around. 

He’d forgotten, he was flying home.

“You finally awake buddy?” he heard someone next to him, Brandon. 

“Yeah, I'm awake.” he rubbed his eyes and sat up straight. “we here?” 

“about to land, thought you might want to get your stuff together before we do.” 

“Thanks.” he nodded as he started to gather his belongings. 

He looked out the tiny plane window and could see the city lights emerging through the clouds. His excitement grew, knowing that somewhere down there, she was waiting for him. 

--

It was a little past three o'clock when he stumbled through the door. He was as quiet as he could possibly be, he knew she'd have gone to bed ages ago since they weren’t sure when his plane would get in. 

He placed his suitcase and duffel bag on the floor and made sure to lock up before climbing the stairs to their room. 

It was peaceful and warm. The window let in a low purplish haze from outside, and because of it, he could just barely see the outline of her all cuddled up on the bed, waiting there just for him. 

Kicking his shoes off, he slowly climbed onto the mattress and kissed her temple as he draped his arm over her, pulling her as close as he could. Her little hands held on to his shirt in her sleep, and she let out a small sigh, making him chuckle at her. 

“So good to be home,” he whispered to her even though he knew she was fast asleep. 

he slowly drifted off, the feeling of her breathing against him lulling him into a peaceful sleep.

--

He was woken up soothingly the next morning, her gentle hands running over his back and up his shoulders to his arms. He smiled to himself at her little caring touches. 

He opened his eyes and looked at her, the sun from the window lighting up her eyes and making them sparkle. Her hand rested on his shoulder and she smiled at the sleepy expression on his face.

“Good morning my love, welcome home.” she kissed his cheekbone and then his jaw, and then when he couldn't wait any longer, he reached his hand up to hold her face, and his lips finally found hers. 

“Thank you, baby.” he smiled against her lips. his thumb ran over her chin and he looked at her face for a moment before he had to kiss her again, his excitement to be home taking over his brain and making it impossible to think about anything except kissing her because, finally, he could. 

***

This isn’t the best ever, but I’m trying to get unblocked so bear with me 😅

[danganronpasenariosuwu]

Some Danganronpa babes confessing to their long-time crushes

Holy shit, I've been very inactive! I'm super-duper sorry! I've been very, very busy, and now that summer is finally here I'll be more active, yay! So, as an apology, I'm going to post my second scenario, and I hope that at least one person actually reads through it! Hopefully, the Danganronpa community isn't dead yet!

Makoto Naegi-

♣Although he had planned for this for weeks, he was still anxiety-filled.

♣This could go two ways, assuming his luck didn't play into it as well. A simple yes or no, it wouldn't hurt him too much, right?

♣Wrong. He wasn't sure what he'd do if you said no, nor if you said yes.

♣He wanted to do it the classic way- confessing to you after school behind a cherry-tree. It had worked for all of those anime characters, why not him?

♣He was observing the tree when you arrived, so his back was to you. He turned around-

♣He tripped, abort mission

♣After a bit of laughing, you helped him back up, and asked him why he wanted to talk, although you thought you knew already.

♣After a bit of stuttering, he managed to get it out.

♣”Y/N, you've been one of my best friends for a long time. No matter what my luck manages to do, you're always there with me to help me up, quite literally! I've liked you for such a long time, and I was wondering if you'd like to go out?” He said, in a very fast pace. You could barely understand him.

♣Whether or not you said yes was up to you, but he hoped that his luck would finally work it's magic.

Byakuya Togami-

♕Honestly, he wasn't too concerned. He figured that his money could help buy you over, since his wealth was clearly one of his best attributes.

♕But, he was too aloof to just ask you in person. And, since he clearly couldn't write his feelings for himself, he asked for help.

♕Specifically, he asked Naegi for help, which in retrospect wasn't the best choice for him.

♕After successfully obtaining the note from Naegi, he sealed it up and signed his name on it.

♕The next day at school, just before class started, he slipped it into your locker, which was convieniently close to his.

♕During class, he was a bit quieter than usual, not bothering to shoo Touko, as his mind was completely focused on you, and how you'd respond.

♕Of course, he hoped you would accept, but he did also realize that he could easily replace you if you said no, though it would pain him a bit.

♕After class was over, you went to your locker to grab your books. A letter fell out.

♕You opened it, and read it through.

♕It read- ‘Dear Y/N. My heart has found its way to you with all my love. I want you and no one else because you mean everything to me. I think we should try and make this work. I hope you know you're the one and only one that I want. You're the perfect friend, and I hope we can and will grow to be more. I could never ask for better than what we already have. I hope you're feeling the same way because my heart is set on you and only you.’

♕You already knew it wasn't in his own words, but you were touched nonetheless. It took you awhile to think about it, but you soon had your answer.

Kyouko Kirigiri-

♢You two had been close for a while, and you had managed to be one of the few lucky people to get to know her.

♢She adored everything about you for quite a while, though it never showed. ♢Since she had recently found out that you both enjoyed the same book series, she figured she could confess through that. ♢You were on the second book, almost done and ready to go onto the third. ♢She had checked it out before you, though, and paid the librarian for the damages she would cause, although small.

♢She flipped through the pages until she found the last one, in which the main character confessed to the love-interest. She underlined the words the character had said, and opened to an empty page which was right after the end. She grabbed a purple ballpoint pen. ♢’Y/N, I’d greatly enjoy it if the two of us could be as close as protagonists in this book. I'm hoping you already know who I am, so you can come and speak with me.’ ♢She closed the book and went back to return it. ♢A few days later, you went to go check out that exact book, and in a week you managed to finish it.

♢However, what caught your attention was the bold underline on the confession. You flipped to the last page and read the note, which was addressed to you, surprisingly.

♢Knowing fully well who it was, you decided to go confront it about her, your answer completely clear to you now.

Hajime Hinata-

☞He was a bit afraid to tell you how he felt. What if you didn't like him back because he was too plain? What if he messed up? ☞So, he asked Chiaki to help him, and she delivered, like any good friend would. ☞After a while of her rambling about a hard dating sim she had heard about, she tried giving him advice. ☞”Well, in dating sims they usually ask them out on a date to their favorite place. Do you know Y/N’s favorite place?”

☞”Their house?” He asked. As if that was a good place to go on a first date. ☞”No, like a restaurant or something.” Chiaki sighed, already getting too tired to deal with this love-retarded boy. ☞”I mean, they like to go to that one park with all the cherry blossom trees..” He thought. ☞After talking to Chiaki for a while, he agreed on asking you out to said park. ☞So, after school one day, he pulled you aside. You looked confused. Your best friend, Mahiru, was waiting for you, since you always walked home together. ☞”Hey, Y/N, I like you a lot, and I was wondering if you'd like to go to the park with me tomorrow?” He silently prayed you said yes. ☞Though it was short, your heart warmed a bit after hearing the confession. You had to give him your decision quick, or Mahiru would get angry, so you thought for a second and spoke.

Nagito Komaeda-

♧He knew you'd say no, it's just that some kids from his class had been pressuring him into telling you. ♧He liked you a lot, and hoped you could be more, but he knew it wouldn't happen because who would love trash like him? ♧Nekomaru had given him a pep talk before he went to tell you, hilariously enough. It mainly consisted of him making Komaeda yell his (and your) name. It embarrassed him even further, his face already tinted red. ♧So, after class one day, he tapped your shoulder in an attempt to get your attention. ♧However, his luck had decided to strike, and once you turned around someone pushed you into his chest, officially making the both of you red faced.

♧He pulled back quickly, and apologized profusely. ♧”Bro, it's okay, it wasn't your fault anyways.” You giggled.

♧”Anyways, there's something I'd like to tell you.” he began, nervously fiddling with his thumbs.

♧”Y/N, I've found myself liking you with a passion that friends shouldn’t have. I know you'll say no, since it's impossible for someone to like trash, but I'd like to ask if you want to go out?” ♧You didn't hesitate to respond, since you've already been thinking about how you'd respond to something like this, and because your second class was about to start. Hopefully you don't put this boy into despair.

Chiaki Nanami-

(Some clarification in this- You're the ultimate game designer in Chiaki’s scenarios) 🎮Sure, Chiaki was good at video games. But there's one genre that's hard for her.

🎮Dating sims. And, because of this, she wasn't too sure about how well she’d be able to confess.

🎮Taking it upon herself to study a bit more, she downloaded a dating sim labeled as ‘Mildly easy’.

🎮After a day or two of attempting to beat it, she stumbled upon a character that eerily resembled you. It's name was (Your name but with some letters swapped). She decided that she had to go that route, since she figured it would help her confess.

🎮It took her about fourteen hours to finish, but the confession at the end made it all worthwhile..

🎮It read, ‘(Your name but with some letters swapped), Ever since I met you I've been endeared to you. From your looks to your personality, I like it all. You're all that I want, and I hope you feel that way too?’ 🎮And, from the way the character responded, Chiaki supposed that the exact same confession should work for you.

🎮So, Chiaki decided to tell you immediately at school tomorrow.

🎮You were walking through the halls until Chiaki walked up to you, looking determined as ever. 🎮She recited the confession, using your name instead of the character’s, and your response was a short, simple giggle. 🎮”Nanami, did you find my dating sim? I knew you'd play it someday!” You smiled, although the girl in front of you was very, very confused. 🎮After having a short laugh, you gave Chiaki your answer, either letting her down immensely or making her day even better.

Shuichi Saihara-

🔎He may or may not have cried while thinking about how you'd respond.

🔎He was obviously too shy to tell you in person, even after Kaede’s inspiring pep-talk. 🔎So, he wrote a letter that conveyed all of his emotions, though it might be a bit long.

🔎It read, ‘Dear Y/N. Every word you confide in me, every wonderful and terrible moment you share with me, melts me inside.

You let yourself be vulnerable with me and trust me beyond my comprehension. I never imagined I would truly find another who I would want to spend so much time with, who could truly touch my life the way you have, even without trying. I look forward to many more special moments together. When I see you, I see my future. This is not just talk. It truly comes from the heart. I am consumed by the desire to be with you, to talk to you and to feel you near me. I want to hold you, talk to you, laugh with you, cry with you. I want to play, walk, dance and just be one with you. I think you could become my everything. I know I want to be everything to you. I love you, Y/N L/N.’ And he signed it at the bottom. 🔎But, last second, he chickened out, leading to Kokichi stealing the letter, reading it and laughing. And Shuichi’s ego deflated even more, if possible. 🔎Kokichi ran up to your locker and put it in for the other boy. 🔎Y’see, Kokichi was a hardcore shipper of you two, and wanted to help- 🔎And so, after class you opened your locker and read it. It made your heartbeat pick up its pace, and your face turn red. 🔎You confronted Shuichi immediately. 🔎If you say yes, he’ll probably cry. If you say no, he’ll probably cry AND become depressed. Good luck. Kokichi Ouma- ♖He isn’t nervous at all. He was SURE you'd like him back. ♖But that's a lie, of course. He was scared. There's a small chance of you liking an asshole like him, so he only had a small amount of certainty. ♖He's not necessarily shy, so he decided to do it in person, since that's the most head-on way to do it. ♖So, like most of the others, he chose to tell you after class. ♖You were walking out of class when you were caught off-guard by him jumping on you. ♖And you fell over, as a result, and you ended up in a weird position in which he was straddling you, and his hands were on your stomach. ♖At this point, there's absolutely NO going back. So, in a state of rushed panic, he suddenly yells out- ♖”Y/N, I LIKE YOU A LOT” ♖And now you're both blushing a deep red. ♖Before you could answer, he gets up and runs away, which surprised you immensely. ♖Now you need to go find a flustered boy and tell him if you like him or not. Good luck with that, and don't die. Kaede Akamatsu- ♬She was DETERMINED. ♬Nothing could stop her now. She was literally on her way to your house right now to go and confess to you. ♬At 2 AM. ♬On a Sunday. ♬But she didn't even care. True love was worth it, right? ♬So, when she burst through your window, effectively breaking the glass and ripping the curtains, you were surprised, to say the least. ♬”Kaede what the FUCK are you doing in my house at 2 AM?” ♬”Y/N I’M HERE TO PROCLAIM MY LOVE FOR YOU” ♬On comes a long, and passion-filled confession. It was so early that you weren't thinking when you responded. You either made a decision that would literally keep you bound to her for life, or make her day horrible and make her gross sob to Shuichi. It all depends on how your dreary form at 2 AM responded.

[iamtaekooked]

Vanilla Rules || Ch 13|| pjm

Genre: Enemies to Lovers! AU, badboy! au, college! au

Word count: 5.5k

Synopsis:

The hate saga between you and baddie of the town Park Jimin rests on two very simple rules: 1.) Hate each other for the rest of your lives and 2.)under no circumstances fall in love with each other. But what happens when the possibility of love threatens this dynamic?

A/N: This took me so long to write!!! and since people had been asking when I am updating I thought I would do it since I was struck with .Idk if this could have gone in a different direction, but please don’t get mad at me. Enjoy ;)

Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || Ch 6 || Ch 7|| Ch 8 || Ch 9 || Ch 10|| Ch 11 || Ch 12 || Ch 13 || Ch 14

The next few days passed by in a blur mostly because you hadn’t stepped foot outside your apartment. All you did was mope around, get drunk and fall asleep. It was a coping mechanism you were using to avoid having to think about a certain boy. It was your worst nightmare come true because you were inept at dealing with this new revelation.

To say you were confused would be an understatement. To you, it felt like having your whole world turned upside down. It was akin to existing in a living breathing hell which partly might have been of your own making. Maybe if you hadn’t let your guard down, or if you hadn’t forgone your dislike none of this would have happened.

The flood of mixed emotions that was painfully drowning you with each passing day was difficult to handle. Amongst everything you were feeling, frustration was a big perpetrator. You were constantly irritable and any time Taehyung brought up Jimin you physically felt the need to scream and break something. You couldn’t even hear the boy’s name without wanting to rip all your hair out.

But despite that, another emotion lingered in the depths of your heart: fear. The near constant anxiety had diminished your appetite, and sleep. You were clueless as to how to face him. It wasn’t like you had done anything wrong, but you couldn’t even find it in yourself to imagine being face to face with Jimin after what he had said. You often wondered at times whether he was just as affected as you were. Maybe he had told you that as a joke and maybe when you would see him next he would tell you the same. 

That would be the ideal scenario. However, a small inkling in the back of your mind told you otherwise. He looked far too serious to be joking. Unless he carried the talent of being a flawless actor in his repertoire. But that was unlikely as well. So basically you were utterly screwed.

You knew you would have to get out and face the music because one week of missed classes was enough to kick your scholarship to the curb. You couldn’t afford it so there was a choice to be made. Either you could go to college tomorrow and face your demons, or you could stay holed up in your apartment and risk your career. It should have been an easy choice had it not been for the confession that was sprung on you.

Lying around aimlessly with the bottle of wine in your hand the situation you were in right now was far too similar to the one you had experienced before. Jimin had threatened you into kissing him in the gym after the basketball game and you had done so. Even then you had hidden away, and now were doing the same. 

Even Taehyung did not know about it. You didn’t want to put him in an awkward spot so you had refrained from telling him about Hoseok, the fight, and now Jimin. He had questioned you multiple times about it, but you always managed to find an escape.

With a heavy sigh, you relinquished your moping to pour yourself another drink. You were in the midst of doing so when the door flung open to reveal-- Jimin?

You dropped the bottle of wine in your hand and the liquid sloshed on the beige carpet, coloring it red. A tight nauseating knot bound your stomach, and your heart skipped mercilessly in your chest. You looked at the door wide-eyed, the word leaving your mouth as a panicked whisper. “J-Jim-Jimin?”

“I wish I looked like Jimin” the voice was definitely not his. It was a tad bit deeper so you rubbed your eyes and instantly the image changed to reveal Yoongi.

“Yoongi!” you jumped from your seat but instantly fell back down because your motor functions were not optimal at the moment.

“Woah!” he approached you. “How much have you tortured your liver?”

“Ughhh. My liver is the least of my worries Yoong” you sighed once more and hoped that it would convey your helplessness accurately.

“Were you expecting Jimin?” Yoongi crouched down and took a bunch of tissues from the tissue box on the coffee table and began cleaning the spill. It wasn’t salvageable but you were grateful for his help.

“What!” you chuckled because of the irony of his statement. If only he knew, he wouldn’t have said that. “Noooo…. I am not expecting Jimin. In fact I am never going to”

“What happened now?” he stood up and strode towards the kitchen behind you.

You waited for him to be face to face with you again to answer. Once he was back you decided to reply. “Nothing and everything”

“Wow. That definitely answers all my questions” he shook his head as he took a seat next to you. You weren’t sure if you should reveal this to anyone because it would only involve more people in the unnecessary drama. But then again you had not talked with anyone about your worries and the stress was eating you away. Yoongi always had good advice so maybe he could suggest something to ease your growing pains. 

You turned your head to look at him and a second later he shifted his sideways to look at you as well. “Jimin didn’t tell you?”

“So something did happen then” he raised a curious eyebrow waiting for you to spill the beans.

But it felt like a betrayal if you told him first and not Taehyung so you decided you would wait until Taehyung was back to tell them both about the kind of mess you were in. You doubted they would be able to help but maybe you needed your friends to be able to figure all this out. 

///

To a third party, it might have looked like Taehyung and Yoongi were stoned and not you. They were staring at each other blankly as if neither of them possessed the brain power to comprehend your story. You were expecting a better reaction than the one you were getting. It was a little more “grandiose” in your head and there was a bit of an outburst as well.

But none of that came to fruition because both boys casually shook their heads at each other after a moment of silence.

“What?” you looked between the two of them.

“So he said he likes you?” Taehyung attempted cautiously as if he was scared of you going off on him or something.

“He said he might just like me more than he wants to. I mean he said might. So maybe after all he doesn’t like me. Right?” you looked at Taehyung and then at Yoongi.

“I can’t speak for him but it’s better if you talk it out amongst yourselves” Yoongi responded

“Tell me you don’t actually mean that” you deadpanned

“I do. Eventually, you have to talk about it” he shrugged like it was the most likely of occurrences.

“Not happening. I mean what would we even talk about?” you couldn’t help the frustration as you threw your hands in the air.

“Forget that. First, we need to get you out of the house” Taehyung slipped his hands into yours and helped you up.

“Where are we going?” you looked at him puzzled.

“Somewhere” he turned you around by the shoulders and pushed you in the direction of the washroom.

“Alright, you kids have fun. I gotta go to work” Yoongi stood up, ruffled your hair, high fived Taehyung and left.

///

“So your idea of getting me out of the house was the soccer game?” you looked at Taehyung accusingly.

“It’s better than you moping around in the apartment all day y/n. The world hasn’t come to an end so stop acting like it has” he shrugged and took a sip of his beer, waving wildly to some of his friends from the soccer team.

“Seriously?” your mouth hung open as a sign of your disbelief

“Yeah. But for now, Hoseok is coming here so you might wanna act like its A-okay. You don’t want to be the reason behind the captain of the soccer team not showing up for the game today” he smiled at you and quickly fixed his expression into a pleasant and welcoming one-- a bright smile and a ton of enthusiasm.

“Hey, guys! Thanks for coming” Hoseok greeted you and Taehyung with a bright smile.

“I wasn’t going to miss this game bro. Good luck out there today” Taehyung and Hoseok shared a high five.

“Good luck. I know you will win us this game. You’re the best we have Hoseok” you beamed at him and he nodded in return.

“Thank you y/n. I am going to try my best” the corners of his mouth lifted to return your smile. But then his gaze shifted behind you and his smile faltered. With a small frown, you turned around and felt the wind knocked out of you.

Jimin and Jeongguk were approaching the stands in all their glory. Your muscles stiffened, and heartbeat painfully fast. A feeling of crippling warmth spread through your body while your mouth dried up. Whipping your head back around you looked at Taehyung in panic. He didn’t understand the look of absolute horror on your face until Jimin was within his line of sight. His mouth opened in realization while his eyes shifted between you.

Jeongguk quickly skipped the few rows of bleachers and settled beside Taehyung. Your hand tightened around Taehyungs free hand, prompting his attention towards you.

“Relax. It ’s just Jimin” Taehyung whispered close to your ear in an attempt to calm you down but it wasn’t helping.

“Didn’t think you would show up” Hoseok motioned his head at Jimin

“I might not like you but I still have school spirit” the two men nodded at each other as Jimin finally halted to a stop next to you.

Your limbs stiffened, rendering your muscles incapable of functioning. You should have looked away but you couldn’t. You couldn’t even blink, or swallow and you practically forgot how to breathe. Jimin had never been one to induce such panic in you. But now he was the reason you were shaking in your spot, almost feverishly. 

His voice from the other day repeated the wretched words on a loop in your head. He triggered a hoard of memories you had been trying to suppress. Once again you felt the feeling of his lips on yours and your heart couldn’t decide whether to beat faster or to stop beating altogether. You would have preferred the latter because he had focused his gaze on you which only spelled your demise. A hiccuping fit ensued making both Hoseok turn his attention to you. It only served to make things worse.

Jimin looked at you with curiously raised eyebrows, causing you to blink away from him awkwardly. The cup of beer was almost meeting Taehyung’s lips when you snatched it from him and chugged the whole drink in one breath. That definitely did not help because a second later you were hiccuping endlessly-- worse than before.

You saw a water bottle extended in front of you and trailing up the arm you saw a sweet-faced Jeongguk. You took it from him with a nod and drank all of it feeling some relief as your chest stopped burning. You focused on the vast field to distract yourself from Jimin’s gaze which still rested on you. But it proved to be a futile because you hazarded a glance only to find him staring right back.

“Hey Jimin” Taehyung was a bit too late in his greeting but it came as a respite because he turned his focus onto Taehyung instead.

“Hey” Jimin responded.

“Are you going to watch the game with us ?” Taehyung questioned with a tone of surprise. But it was more like an invitation than anything else. You wanted to sock him but refrained from doing so with much difficulty. Jimin’s eyes shifted to you and simultaneously you looked at him too. You had no idea what made you try such a stupid move because he was already staring back. You made haste of averting your gaze and focusing to the side somewhere.

“Yeah” he responded after a moment as he occupied a spot on the row below in front of Taehyung.

“Anyway, I gotta go. Enjoy the game” Hoseok winked at you and you gave him a small smile accompanied with a nod.

Jimin looked over his shoulder at you and then at Hoseok. You caught his eye for a split second and managed to notice the scowl on his face. You were almost at the edge of your seat, ready to sprint when you remembered doing so would be giving into your-- whatever it was you were feeling. Even if it killed you by the end, you had no choice but to endure.

///

It was half-time and people began emptying the stands. You watched them leave just to try and distract yourself. Somehow in the midst of the game, Jimin had moved to your row and was sitting beside Jeongguk whilst staring affront with a vacant look in his eyes. After a quick glance at him, you did the same while fidgeting with your hands in the lap. It was becoming increasingly difficult to stay in his presence but you knew you had to stick it out. Otherwise, if you gave into your anxiety that would mean that his words and actions meant something to you. But they didn’t. Right?

It was incomprehensible the way your body reacted in his presence. You became hyper-aware of your bodily sensations like the stiff muscles and limbs, the hammering of your heartbeat, the shallow breaths, and the feeling of tight knots in your stomach. You could feel everything and it amplified ten times more when you focused on Jimin.

You weren’t even sure if you had processed your feelings about the matter. In fact, you didn’t even know if you had processed the situation itself, much less your thoughts about it. When he had told you he likes you more than he wants to, a moment later he had looked at you like he couldn’t believe it himself. Wordlessly he had sat in the car, just staring at the steering wheel, while you stood stunned at your spot.

You still remembered that you stood against the hood of his car alone and watched as the sun rose in the sky. He hadn’t interrupted you and neither did you disturb him while he sat in the driver’s seat with his head resting against the steering wheel. Maybe you had stayed like that for an hour or two, neither of you talking to the other as you both soaked in the peaceful glowing morning and possibly the tumultuous emotions both of you were feeling. When you finally gathered the courage, you went back inside the car. He drove you to your apartment, not a single word or look exchanged for the duration of the ride. The whole situation was so surreal you thought it better not to dwell on it at the moment.

That resolve carried over the next week as you drowned yourself in alcohol and sleep. Had it not been for Taehyung’s insistence you were sure it would have gone on longer. But it felt nice to be out-- except for Jimin being there too. That was something you would have to work on.

“I am gonna go get some food. Let's go Jeongguk” Taehyung stood up and winked at you while motioning his head very indiscreetly towards Jimin. You sprung to your feet in panic with wide eyes as you gaped at Taehyung in horror. You clasped his wrist in a tight grip while shaking your head rapidly. Taehyung gently uncurled your fingers from his wrist and ushered a clueless Jeongguk who made sounds of protestation.

You supposed you could follow them but Taehyung would send you back. Sometimes you really hated him. As you watched the two boys disappear into the distance, you also felt all sense of sanity and composure leave you. It’s not like you were calm and collected before, but there was at least a sense of relief having other people around which prevented any possibility of conversation. But now that seemed unlikely as you sat down on the bleacher with slumped shoulders. There was no barrier between you and Jimin this time so it was even more awkward.

You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes and quickly looked away before he could catch you. You realized you had your phone with you and took it out of your jean pocket. As luck would have it, your phone had run of out battery which meant you had no way of distracting yourself except by people watching.

“You look like shit” you jolted upon hearing Jimin’s voice.

All the dread was replaced by a sudden irritation at hearing those words. You weren’t expecting those to be his first words after he kissed you. You had no idea how you were meant to have a conversation with him after everything, but this wasn’t the start you could have imagined if you ever did. You realized in that instant that you did expect things from him and it made you all the more flustered. Because you knew you shouldn’t expect anything from him and the fact that you did scared you. It meant that somehow he mattered in your life since you only ever expect from the people you care for. But you didn’t care for Jimin. Right?

“I’ll take that as a compliment given that I can’t even say that for you since you are a shitty person” you turned to face him with a scowl.

He chuckled with a shake of his head, almost bitterly, almost disappointingly. Your heart sunk when you looked at him, because he looked a bit hurt .“It’s a better compliment than I expected given...” he shrugged a bit clearly referring to his confession. 

Did he have to bring it up? No. Yet there it was, the incomplete and grave reference that needed no saying. The unsaid words hung thick with tension more than ones that had been spoken. Usually such serious matters never needed to be directly addressed because of how grave and impactful they were to those involved. It would be like opening Pandora’s box and hoping all ends well, despite knowing it would not. 

This was like opening the Pandora’a box atleast in context of your situation,  because the box held dreaded feelings, emotions,  unsaid words that could potantially cause significant damage. Or ones that could create unparalleled fear in both of you. 

“Well... “ you started shakily, hating how weak and helpless it sounded. But before you could reply, you were saved  by Hoseok, who was walking up the bleachers towards you. Jimin looked completely taken aback as Hoseok slowly approached you. He scoffed audibly and for a split second, you looked at him in confusion before returning your attention to Hoseok. Instantly you stood up to greet the boy, more out of curiosity than anything else.

“Aren’t you supposed to be out in the field?” you questioned a bit too enthusiastically because relief flooded you as you did not have to carry on the conversation about what happened with Jimin. It was too soon. 

“I am but I needed a dose of luck”

“A dose of luck?” you frowned in confusion

You heard a scoff from your right and you knew it was Jimin. From your peripheral vision, you could tell he was shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Even if Hoseok heard it, he ignored it as he kept his focus on you.

“Yeah. You” a smile quivered at the corner of his lip. Then out of nowhere, he smashed his lips onto yours. It was a kiss full of passion which triggered the memory of Jimin's kiss. That rendered you a complete vegetable because the physical stimulation and the mental torture somehow ended up on the same page and managed to push you into defeat. You could feel his soft lips against yours and you knew your brain was registering it. But your motor reflexes had been fried due to the chaotic rush of memories and Jimin’s voice faintly lingering in your head telling you to back away. You felt so dizzy that your eyes closed of their own accord due to the heaviness settling in behind your eyelids.

Hoseok parted from your lips with a faint blush covering his cheeks and you couldn’t imagine yourself looking any different-- mostly because of shock. You just blinked at the boy in complete surprise. You wanted to say something, but you didn’t even know what. You stood in a daze, unable to move a single muscle. And then you remembered Jimin which managed to wash over you waves of guilt. Everything felt so wrong all of a sudden. Hoseok kissing you, Jimin witnessing it, you being unable to react-- all of it felt wrong.

“I’ll-- I will see you later” a small shy smile curved his lips as his eyes lingered on your face a little longer before he awkwardly scratched the nape of his neck. He turned around and jogged back to his teammates on the field as the second half began. You heard the whistle ring and you could faintly make out players on the field but you were too engrossed in your thoughts to fully be present at the moment.

Your knees felt so weak, you had to sit down. Your cheeks were burning mostly because Jimin was staring at you. You glanced at him only to find him glaring at you. It was the kind of look someone gives when they are silently accusing you of something-- like maybe he thought that somehow this was your fault. You wanted to tell him to stop looking at you like that because not only did it unnerve you, but it also made you feel guilty. You wanted to run away from everything, to never see Hoseok or Jimin again. But like before your body was frozen in place.

Jimin hadn’t said a word because his eyes-- the hatred in them said it all. Abruptly standing up, he stormed off and you could only watch him disappear into the distance. That is when you felt your heart sink. It affected you and you couldn’t understand why. It was unlike you to feel this way, especially where Jimin was concerned. Yet you desperately wanted to chase after him because you heard his voice from that day in your head: I think I might just like you more than I want to. It was like a sense of urgency had taken hold of you. Like if you didn’t go after him he would misunderstand and you didn’t want him to think bad of you. 

Biting your lip you stared at your lap while fidgeting with your hands, and feet tapping impatiently against the steel surface. You looked back in the direction he had left and found no sign of him. The urgent feeling within you was getting worse by the second and you found it hard to sit still anymore. Like a spell of some sort had been lifted, your once rigid body regained its ability to move. You sprung to your feet and while muttering apologies for stepping on people’s toes and disrupting their view of the game, you left the field and ran in the same direction he had left.

A part of you wanted to scream his name, however, that would be very lame. So you searched and searched the whole college and finally found him in the gym where he was shooting hoops. Your frantic heart calmed down when you saw his figure through the glass window in the gym door. It reminded you of the time you had been locked in the school and both of you had played ball through the night only to wake up cuddled next to each other the morning after.

The memory triggered the appearance of a small smile which quivered at the end of your lip. It vanished though because Jimin had caught you staring at him. Your breath caught in your throat and you gulped hard as your hand encircled around the handle. With a deep breath in, you flung the door open.

Jimin didn’t even acknowledge your presence even after he knew you were there, which somehow made you feel weird. You couldn’t describe the feeling but you almost felt bad that he didn’t look at you or address you. You knew the reason why and it scared you to even admit it to yourself. You walked in further with cautious steps and stood in front of him, watching as he shot one basket in after the other.

“Jimin I-”

“Just leave me alone” he dribbled the ball, took up his shooting stance and shot but missed the net. Cursing under his breath he took another ball and shot it at the net, missing once more. He was growing increasingly agitated and you could tell because his whole body language had changed. His expression was different, furious even with the way his eyes were cold and his lips were almost in a thin line.

“Look I just wanted to say-”

“I said leave me the hell alone. Just fuck off!” he yelled so loud that his voice reverberated across the empty gym. You looked at him wide-eyed in a dumbfounded state and stumbled back in shock. It wasn’t that noticeable but his chest was heaving. He was just glaring at you in the way he did before when the amount of hatred between you was on an equal footing. It was the familiar look of pure anger towards you,  he used to carry before, during the days when you couldn’t even look at him without wanting to slap him.  You felt tears prick your eyes but you would never let him see it. With one last lingering gaze you turned on your heels and proceeded out the gym.

You closed the doors, letting your hand slip from the handle and drop to your side. Standing with your back against the doors you let a few tears escape. You slid to the ground because you felt too weak to support yourself. It was finally too much. To make matters worse you heard Jimin yell something that sounded lot like “fuck’. Before you knew it you were crying, and inside the gym, he was laying on the cold floor staring at the ceiling, completely red in the face.

You didn’t know if you were crying because of what he said and how he said it, or if you were just startled out of your mind. But either way, you felt really bad. You felt bad because he yelled at you and it escaped your understanding why it affected you so much. Normally you wouldn’t have given a damn about him and yelled right back. But you found yourself incapable of looking at him the same way after he had kissed you. Since that day, something about him was changed. He was still the same guy, and you were still the same person but somehow everything was different.  

You didn’t know how but it was. You could feel it. Because knowing his feelings meant you had to be careful with him. Because if something happened it would be your fault. But a part of you felt different since the kiss. Special even, since Jimin wasn’t the kind of man to like someone. He would fuck girls, but in all the time you had known him he never had a single serious partner. So knowing that he possibly harboured feelings for you, made you feel like you meant something to someone. Because for someone like him to feel something, it took a lot. Because he made you feel like you were wanted. That you were worth it-- to him.

Maybe you just didn’t want to disappoint him. Or maybe something inside of you had changed after you shared a kiss with him. It would be expected. But that didn’t mean it didn’t scare you to death.

///

Jimin knew he shouldn’t have yelled at you. The moment he saw the shock in your eyes and your stuttering steps he knew he hadn’t done right. He knew it wasn’t your fault Hoseok kissed you but he was just so angry he couldn’t stop himself. As he lay on the floor, basketball clutched under his armpit, he heard your quiet sobs. The walls really were paper thin, he assumed. Either that or he really did manage to scare you out of your wits to make you cry that hard. His mind was a mess with the image of you kissing Hoseok while drunk, then of him kissing you, and then Hoseok kissing you at the game. It was like his personal tape of torture that replayed in his head on a loop.

A quiet ache settled somewhere in his chest in the form of a constricting feeling. If he could rip his heart out he would. Because that’s how bad it hurt him. If he was to admit it to himself, your frightened image hurt more than Hoseok kissing you simply because he was the one who had inflicted it upon you. He lost control which made him wonder if he would ever be able to stop himself around you. To add to it, he knew you didn’t reciprocate his feelings on the level he wanted. So was it really worth it?

He felt so helpless and frustrated that he desperately wished to talk with someone about it. But considering his only options were Jeongguk, Yoongi, or Taehyung, none of them were the right choice. Yoongi and Taehyung would tell him what they have always been telling him-- that he likes you and he should tell you. But he had done that already and he did not know what to do next. He knew how to be angry about things and how to run away from like when he couldn’t deal with it.

To him, it was the worst mistake he ever made. Maybe he was overrun with the disease of stupidity or maybe at the moment he felt so attracted to you he couldn’t help but kiss you. Yet, that could never have explained in a million years the impulsive confession that came after. It bordered on ‘maybe’ but it was as good of a confession one could expect from Park Jimin.

It wasn’t that he regretted it. No. He would have told you one way or another he felt something for you. But what he couldn’t comprehend was the unnerving effect it had on him after. He has experienced so many hookups and in his drunken state, he has professed his “love” for a lot of girls. He thought he could handle feelings, but maybe not. Nothing ever left him feeling so vulnerable and scared. He had been feeling on edge all week because of it. Every time he imagined an encounter with you it always ended with him embarrassing himself or with you two arguing. He had no idea how to deal with being around you anymore.

He sat up with a frustrated groan leaving his mouth and hand raking through his locks. He did not know how he was supposed to face you, and worse he had no idea what was going on between you and Hoseok. He knew you said you liked him yet everything you had done since contradicted it. He also knew you kissed Hoseok but he wasn’t sure how much of it meant anything since you were clearly drunk. But now that Hoseok had kissed you, sober, he did not know where that left you and your confession of sorts about liking him. Because he saw your eyes close when Hoseok kissed you, and that probably meant something. 

It was like he had lost himself only to find a new side to him. One which he couldn’t understand and which he never knew existed. He hated who he was now because of his feelings. He could not handle feeling so. vulnerable, almost naked and on display. He had given you the liscence to trample on his heart and he wasn't sure he could bear it. He has never experienced anything like it, he has never experienced rejection and that is what it came down to. 

Because a single simple truth remained: Park Jimin was terrified of love. 

Maybe if he just ignored the pangs of excitement in his heart every time he saw you, maybe if he pushed away thoughts of you, maybe if he went back to who he was before everything. Or maybe if he stopped caring about you and Hoseok, he would feel normal. Perhaps if he just ignored everything and became who he was before all of it, he could deal with it. Maybe that is what he would have to do. 

He was not the type of guy to vie for anyone’s attention. Yet he somehow always wanted yours. Maybe in retrospect, Yoongi was right-- he did do all the stupid shit just to get your attention, to keep your thoughts occupied with him even if it wasn’t in a good way. But it was exponentially worse now because he wasn’t bluffing. 

The questions was : were you all in? 

As usual! Let me know what you thought? Was Jimin right in he way he reacted? Should OC have told Hoseok off? I wanna know your thoughts so don’t hesitate :) Thank you for reading and don’t forget to like, or reblog (tags are validation! and I need it from you because I care what you think)

[librabinight-blog]

Hiring a Therapist is Like Hiring a Math Tutor

Dear friendbugs, I know it sounds oversimplified but putting my therapist search in this frame has helped me become a better advocate for myself. Let me explain...

I’ve been battling depression at varying levels for roughly 10 years now. Hi! Nice to meet you. 👋🏻 lol Honestly it’s not something I’m proud of but I’m also not ashamed to say it. Mental health is stigmatized enough by society without its sufferers getting down on themselves. You wouldn’t judge someone for having the flu, so why judge an equally uncontrollable diagnosis? I could do a whole separate post on that, but let’s stay focused. 🤨 The fact is that therapy is something ANYONE could benefit from and I’m a firm believer that everyone should try it once.

The problem is that finding a therapist when you really need one is exhausting and difficult and stressful and all those other fun adjectives you want when you’re already feeling enough anxiety and/or depression to need help in the first place. It would be like telling someone who broke their arm that to get a cast they have to do push-ups first. Like bro, if I could do the push-ups, I wouldn’t need the cast! 🙄 Just a few things I personally had trouble finding in my therapist search were as follows:

- Someone with evening or weekend hours since I work full-time

- Someone who took my insurance or offered affordable sliding scale options

- Someone who was taking new patients

- Someone who specialized or had experience treating depression

- Someone within driving distance of my home

- Someone who even called or emailed me back

It’s not easy. It’s not fast. It’s not fun. I don’t speak for everyone of course, but for me it felt as though I was begging for help and no one was listening. We tell people not to commit suicide but we make it nearly impossible for them to get assistance to prevent it. Even crisis hotlines are overburdened but, again, we’re getting off topic. On top of how hard it was to find someone, I didn’t know if I even deserved the help in the first place. It’s part of my illness to have low self-worth. As a result, I was asking permission to be treated rather than demanding what I needed.

Fast-forward through 1 in-patient stint, 1 out-patient stint, 5 private therapists and 1 therapy app and here I am now finally understanding the problem. You see I had a couple of good therapists in my life but overwhelmingly they’ve been disappointing. I had one therapist that took appointments in her home and was late to our sessions every time because she would do her grocery shopping right before. There’s a special awkwardness in sitting outside your therapist’s house waiting for her to come home.😅 Then I had one who would spend our sessions frequently checking her phone or showing me 10-minute YouTube videos. Were they relevant? Sure. But maybe I could have just gotten the link from her for later rather than paying her hourly rate for a free video. 💸 Then I had the therapist that spoke from minute one all the way through to the end. I used to count how many words I could actually get in during the hour with him and never got above 20. Even one of the two good therapists I had would almost always cut our sessions short because she overbooked all the time. I never got my time made up for any of this stuff. Therapist after therapist came and went and often I felt worse and more depressed than when I came in. Like I said earlier, though, I didn’t think I deserved better. I thought I was lucky these people were even listening to me in the first place.

The final straw for me was the therapy app. The subscription promised 2 check-ins (text messages) each day Monday-Friday from a licensed professional in my state. You had a chatroom in the app with your therapist and you were free to send whatever messages whenever you wanted. Feeling anxious? No need to wait til your session to vent. You just send everything you’re thinking in the moment to your person. The theory was that the therapist would spend roughly 10 minutes a day reading and responding to you during the 2 check-ins. That would amount to 50 minutes by the end of the week which is like having a full in-person session. I liked the concept and I’ll admit that I did find some help...until the check-ins stopped coming. First it was a day here or there where she only checked in once instead of twice. Then it was a day of no check-in at all. Then it was two days in a row with no word.😕 I didn’t want to push her because I thought “This person is busy. This person is trying. What right do you have to be so demanding?” Well the fact is that I had every right. Eventually I confronted her but I was also very aware of how attached I’d gotten to this new support, so I didn’t blame her directly. I told her I understood she was busy but maybe she just needed someone less needy as a client. Looking back on it, I was being a pushover. I told her I knew I was asking quite a lot (by asking for what I paid for) and I was being difficult (for again, asking for what I paid for) but perhaps she could check-in more. She told me she completely agreed that she needed to check-in more and that it looked like we both had some work to do. Well, bugs, I bought it. I told her that I’d love to keep working.... and then the next day she didn’t check in. So I quit.

Me quitting came after the realization that she was right. I had A LOT of work to do but the thing I needed to address first was the way I looked for help. This is where the metaphor comes in, bugs! How is a therapist like a tutor? Every tutor knows the same fact and formulas, but the way they teach them varies. Therapists are similar in that way. You might see a therapist who is more dynamic and engaging or one who more reserved, “just hear to listen” style. They could both be treating the same problem just in different ways. Additionally, tutors are going to push you. They’ll assign you homework and force you to practice skills you might prefer to just avoid. Therapists are no different. A good therapist will push you past what you thought your own limits were because that’s how you grow. The most important piece of my metaphor though (and the point of all this) is that both therapists and tutors are people you hired. They work for you. You don’t owe them anything beyond their fee (and maybe some respect as a fellow human). If your tutor was late every time, you’d fire them. If your tutor spoke to you in a way you didn’t like, you wouldn’t go back. If your tutor only used verbal explanations when you’re a visual learner, why waste your money?🤷🏻‍♀️

After I put things into that frame, I realized how ridiculous I was to have ever put up with the treatment I’d had. 🤔 The truth is that it’s so hard to find a therapist in the first place, we sometimes settle for any help we can get. I know I did. Now that I’m advocating for myself, I feel like a stronger more worthwhile person. It won’t be easy to find someone new and it’s especially not easy to leave someone old even if they’re no good for you. You have to do it, though. Talk to your therapist and see if they can change the things you don’t like (a good therapist will work WITH you) but if they don’t respect your needs, you have to respect them enough for both of you. Never forget that like a tutor, your therapist needs to earn your business. You’re paying for a service. Get your money’s worth, bugs. 😘

[notagoodplace4gods]

ok but stozier where (this is overuse prob so sorry) rich starts really believing stan doesnt like him in their late teens bc of anxiety and stuff and starts to distance and heyoo flippin the script w/ stan coming in through the window like “wtf man??? ur literally my best friend ily” and then like back to stans and its just pure fluff bc heyo these boys mad in love and richies just like “holy shit ily wowowowoow” yike sorry ~✨

I’m so sorry for taking so long!! This is not exactly what you asked for, but I still hope you’ll like it! Here we go!

It’s on AO3

when stan starts avoiding richie after they went to prom together as bros, richie knows he’s fucked up

he doesn`t know how he fucked up, tho, because he was drunk as hell and he barely remembers what happened

when stan starts avoiding richie after they go to prom together as bros, richie knows he’s fucked up

he doesn’t know how he fucked up, tho, because he was drunk as hell and he barely remembers what happened

the losers can’t tell him what he did because “stan didn’t let you do anything embarrassing, he took you home the moment he realized you were drunk”

richie makes eddie pinky swear that he didn’t see him make a fool of himself at prom

Relieved by his answer, richie starts thinking that maybe stan’s just messing with him Maybe it’s just a joke and he decides to play along

“well let’s see how long he can pretend not to love me lol he won’t last a week”

stan lasts more than a week not talking to richie, barely acknowledging him in the group hangs

richie is low key worried and grows louder so he can draw stan’s attention by any means necessary, which means cruder jokes, over the top impressions, dirty flirting, but stan keeps ignoring him

richie goes from frustrated to angry really fast

and he complains about Stan to everyone, literally everyone but Stan The Man himself

“we don’t know anything richie, why don’t you talk to him?”

richie tries cornering stan after school one day, but stan keeps dodging his questions and answering with “I’m fine”s, which only pisses richie even more because he knows stan isn’t fine

“come on stanley I know you’re angry at me! what did i do?”

“why do you think the world revolves around you, richie? you didn’t do anything and we’re fine.”

“we’re not fine! God, stan, just tell me what I did so I can fix it! Was it because I drank too much and you had to take me home? Was it because I made you leave the prom earlier?”

“what? no richie, that was fine and… Wait, don’t you remember what happened later?” stan takes a deep breath and tries to mask the hurt on his voice. “You don’t.”

“I was drunk… I…”

“Sure, it’s okay, we’re okay, nothing happened, I just have to go.”

richie tries to stop him by grabbing his arm, but stan flinches away so fast richie’s freezes on the spot. Now he’s high key worried

now he knows he’s fucked up.

——————

richie kinda starts avoiding stan back after this, afraid he’ll make  things worse between them

he never asks the losers to intervene, but everytime he meets them, he asks if stan said anything about him

the losers have no idea what’s happening, and they hate it, so they make a plan to get both richie and stan drunk and talking

it’s very difficult getting them together, and moving past the awkwardness, but they do get them drunk, they all get drunk, one night at bill’s. and they’re playing truth or dare

when the bottle stops on stan, richie perks up at the possibility of stan picking truth so he can ask what did he do to make his best friend so mad at him

stan picks dare

for a moment richie’s devastated, but then ben whispers something in his ear and he takes his suggestion.

“I dare you to tell me why you’re mad at me.”

“that’s cheating.”

“It’s the game, you have to tell me.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“you are! just fucking tell me what i did!

“what didn’t you do, richie?” stan rolls his eyes. “you’re always so…” The alcohol is taking the words from him, so he just gestures at richie’s entire body, to make him understand. “You! It drives me crazy!”

richie’s taken aback. He knows he’s loud and annoying, but he never thought he bothered stan so much “I’m… I’m sorry,”

when they stop talking, the entire room does too. The only sound is when mike gets up, pulling bill along with him and gesturing the others to follow him. “Maybe we should leave you two alone.”

“no!” both stan and richie argue at the same time.

richie takes a deep breath. “come on, stan the man, I just wanna put this behind us and go back to being friends.”

“Friends.” Stan scoffs, and there’s so much venom in his voice, richie unconsciously recoils. “we’re best fucking friends”

richie doesn’t know what to answer, oh even what to feel, so he choses anger. “Fine! Have it your way then” and marches out of the party.

when richie’s anger drains away, he’s just really sad and hurt

the losers go to him the next day, begging him to talk to stan, saying that stan was miserable after he left the party, so “he doesn’t hate you.”

but richie just shrugs them off. stan does hate him. it was clear as day

but what could he have done that would upset stan so much? What was so terrible that ruined their friendship?

he tries his best to remember what happened after stan took him from the prom. He thinks about numerous possibilities, but nothing seems plausible

richie knows very well that he’s a cuddly, needy drunk. But Stan knows him, he’s used to the flirty jokes, the innocent (but not really) touches, and hugs

He remembers he always used to  call stan “love” and “honey” after a few shots, he remembers sitting on stan’s lap and throwing his arms around stan’s neck in other occasions, he remembers stan just shaking his head, lifting him up and making him drink some water before bed. Stan always acted annoyed but he never minded any of that

Not until prom night

Maybe richie crossed a line. Maybe he didn’t stop at the playful flirting and dirty innuendos. Maybe he drank so much, he turned his brain off, and let his heart unfiltered. Maybe he confessed. Maybe he told stan he’d been in love with him for years. Maybe he kissed stan

Oh fuck. oh no no no no nonononono

no wonder stan hates him now. no wonder he’s angry and disgusted and never wants to see richie again

richie wants to crawl up inside a hole and just die

—————-

richie knows stan has stopped hanging out with the others, so he does too

he secretly hopes that his absence will compel stan to return to the group

if anyone gets to keep the losers, if anyone deserves to keep the losers, it’s stan

plus, if stan finds his presence so unbearable, and hates him now, it’s just a matter of time before everyone else does too. If he can’t stop it from happening, then he better prepare himself for it

so he goes from school to home, and from home to school as quickly as he can, he avoids the quarry and the arcade so he won’t meet any of them

He misses them all, though. So much

But mostly he misses Stan

His best friend

the first friend he ever made

the boy with the sarcastic smiles and amazing sense of humour

the boy who always stood by him no matter what

the boy who’d always leave an open window for him to climb into at night

the boy who’d complain about how his bed was too small for them, but would never push richie away, or make him sleep on the couch

the shy quiet beautiful perfect boy richie admired and respected so much

the boy who’d smile at him, and make the stupid bucky beaver and his stupid trash mouth feel worthy and loved and worthy of being loved.

the boy he loved so much

the boy who didn’t love him back, not anymore

not ever

richie wonders if maybe stan misses him too, but the thought is so fucking unreal, he has to laugh.

all the handholding, the laughs, hugs, kisses on the cheek, richie ruined them

richie ruined their friendship

so why would it matter to stan

why would richie matter

spoiler alert: he doesn’t

richie’s loud and annoying and ugly as hell

stan deserves someone better

literally anyone would be better

probably a girl because stan can’t be as sick as he is

——————

the losers keep trying to talk to him, but he always manages to dodge their questions

Everyone is worried because richie looks awful ™ so they decide to do a intervention for them

but richie doesn’t show up to school the next day

Or the next

they’re going crazy with worry, because richie won’t answer his door either

stan is very worried too.

he feels terrible for how he treated richie the past few weeks. He was just sad, angry and bitter, but richie didn’t deserve the way he treated him

he tries calling richie on the phone, but every call goes to voicemail

stan knows it’s his fault.  He was the one who started ignoring richie first, but he’s so worried

He’s on edge all the time, can’t sleep properly, can’t eat properly, god, he’s a mess

He almost trips over himself when his own phone rings. Please be richie, he prays

It’s not richie

——————

bev is the one who gets richie to leave the house. she takes him for a smoke by the barrens

she told him it would just be the two of them

she lied

three cigarettes in, Stan arrives, and Bev excuses herself, mentally asking richie if he’ll forgive her someday

Stan quietly sits down next to richie, who refuses to look at him

They stay like this for a good half an hour. Stan looking at richie, richie looking anywhere but at stan

stan is about to cry, but he swallows the tears. This isn’t about him! This is about his best friend, who’s looking small and broken, and he has to fix it. He has to fix them

“I’m sorry.” He opens his mouth, but the words aren’t his. They are richie’s.

Richie’s apologizing to him

“fuck, stan, I think I finally know what I did to make you hate me, and, god, I’m so sorry.”

stan is speechless, terrified at the thought that maybe richie does remember that night

“I was never going to tell you, I was going to ignore it until it went away, but it’s been years, and it still hadn’t gone away, and I… I’m a horrible person… not worthy of being your friend

stan is offended. “Richie…”

“no… let me finish. I know what I did is unforgivable, and heinous and sick. And I’m so very sorry, but I can’t fix this. So it’s okay if you hate me and never want to see me again.I understand”

“richie!” Stan grabs his shoulders and shakes him a little.”What is it you think you did at prom?”

“you don’t have to do this.” richie shakes his head. “I know I… I kissed you. Didn’t I?.”

Now Stan starts crying. “No. no you didn’t.”

richie’s eyes go so wide it would be comical in any other situation

“Fuck. then you’re just mad at me for a stupid joke, or whatever and I went and spilled my feelings for you, instead of just apologizing. Now you hate me for real, and…”

“I don’t hate you, I never did and I never will.” Stan cuts him off.

richie nods dumbly, not letting himself feel relief because the fact stan doesn’t hate him does not necessarily means that stan likes him back.

“Do you wanna know what you did that made me so mad?” Stan waits for richie’s nod before continuing. If richie said what stan thinks he said, telling him about this should be easy. “You fell asleep.” It’s not

silence

richie does his best not to break it because he knows stan’s not finished

“I took you home, and tried to get you to bed. You didn’t want to. You wanted to dance.” Stan smiles at the memory. “I asked what could i possibly do to convince you to go to sleep and you asked me to cuddle you.”

richie cringes. well that was embarrassing

but it’s not the end of the story

“so I did. we laid down at your bed, and we were so close, I…” Now it’s stan’s turn to take a deep breath. “I kissed you, Richie. I kissed you, you kissed me back, but then you fell asleep mid kiss and I…”

richie’s heart stops, and he finally looks directly into stan’s eyes

“I was so ashamed, I couldn’t face you after this.” now it’s stan who diverts his eyes. “And then you told me you didn’t remember and I was so hurt, so angry. I mean, I knew you were drunk, I took a chance, but I still… God, richie, you were my first kiss.”

“stan.” richie kneels, and moves next to his friend, his best friend, the boy who, for whatever reason, loves him back, and takes his face on his hands. “stan, I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

“It’s okay, richie.” Stan tries. “You were drunk, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of that, then felt sorry for myself and acted like a jerk, but…” Stan’s hands are shaking. “I like you more than I thought I could ever like someone, and it scared me so much, I withdrew from everyone. I avoided you like crazy because I couldn’t let you know, I couldn’t let you reject me.”

“stan.” richie calls for him again, and their eyes meet. “stan, I’m stupid, but you’re also very stupid, oh my god, we’re so stupid.” he groans. “I like you. You like me back. We like each other.” He says it, slowly, as if trying to understand.

“We do.” Stan breathes, amazed.

They only stare at each other for a moment, holding hands like their lives depend on it.

“I’m sorry.” Stan says.

“I’m sorry too.” Richie says it back.

A pause. Then. “Do I get to redo that first kiss?”

Stan pushes him over, and richie laughs

“we never really danced at prom, did we? I bet you refused to dance with me after prom too.”

“I…” Stan narrows his eyes. “Do you really wanna dance, now?”

“Sure.” richie knows stan didn’t mean it as an invitation, but he takes it anyway. He bows. Stan rolls his eyes, but doesn’t stop richie from inching closer, and closer. “Let’s redo the entire night.”

They dance for a while, no music, no rhythm. They dance until richie steps on stan’s toes, and stan pushes him away so hard richie falls on the grass

They laugh, and laugh, and laugh

(god, they both missed this so much)

“Okay, so I’m never doing that again.” stan says, but he’s smiling. “We’re done, richie.”

“not yet.” richie says, getting back up, and he looks serious

he takes a step closer

stan takes another step to meet him in the middle and his hand goes into richie’s hair

richie’s hands are trembling, but he takes them to stan’s neck

they kiss

they look at each other

they kiss again and again and again

“Don’t you dare fall asleep on me again, asshole.” Stan says, lips brushing against richie’s

“Oh, don’t worry, Stan the Man, I’m up.” He motions down to his pants. “I’ll be up all night…”

“fucking my mom, i know.” stan answers, the same time richie finishes with “fucking you.” and they look at each other, for a second.

“Fuck you, richie.” Stan is trying to look mad, but he can’t stop laughing

“Well… if you want to, sure. I can be into it.” richie doesn’t miss his mark, but before he says anything else, stan’s kissing him again

richie kisses him back

and they kiss, and kiss, and kiss for a long time.

[you-cannot-give-up-just-yet]

You Cannont Give Up Just Yet: Chapter 9: Justice

Papyrus felt his own hands begin to tremble as he gingerly placed the papers in his lap. His brother’s job as the judge of the Underground had entirely slipped his mind. Was this what caused Faia to ask him what Sans used to do before he was the royal scientist? Does this mean that Sans has let the human go? Does this mean that he didn’t fight the human at all?

Does this mean that Sans is the reason that King Asgore is dead?

Papyrus’ breath came more quickly and shook with the onslaught of emotion that began bombarding him. He had to force himself not to hyperventilate. Despite being a skeleton and not technically needing air, it was still a luxury and still had the capability of making him pass out. Sans said it was because it had to do with toxicity or something.

Papyrus came to the conclusion to force himself to stop breathing altogether. It took a long moment as it had been quite sometime since he hadn’t breathed. The last time he remembered was when he was training with Undyne and breathing was becoming laboring and far too troublesome. It had scared the Captain of the Guard initially, but she eventually got over it when she realized that it actually kind of made sense.

Papyrus caught his breath hitching at the thought of his deceased best friend. His ribcage began to burn as he forced all the air in his system to stay put. The burning got worse and worse, like how your legs feel when you suddenly start walking after running for some time. However, it slowly ebbed away as the pain hit its peak.

“Papyrus?!” came the voice of Faia, accompanied by a hand shaking his shoulder. Papyrus looked up and saw concern written all over her face. Right. He probably should have warned her first.

“Sorry, Faia. I’m alright. I’m a skeleton. I don’t need to breathe. I just…. Don’t need to be hyperventilating and passing out,” he explained. It felt strange to feel the air move around in his ribcage and past his mouth without him forcing it. It was hard for a moment to keep himself from inhaling after he spoke. Realization slowly dawned on Faia’s face. She gave a solemn nod before letting go of the King’s shoulder.

“How many monsters asked about this?” Papyrus asked. Faia looked down ashamed. Papyrus wondered if this was an issue he should have been addressed with sooner.

“We had one or two last week. This week over half of the questions were that one…. In some form or another,” She explained. Papyrus felt a pit growing in his metaphorical stomach. That many? The public in general was becoming angry with Sans because he failed to do his job properly? Papyrus shook his head. He needed to calm down. He was certain his brother had reason for making the decision that he did.

What should he do about it, though? He couldn’t just ignore the question. Not when that many monsters had concerns about it. He couldn’t ask his brother about it. He already had so much to stress about and be worried over. People were already looking to him to somehow get past the barrier and free all of them, he couldn’t add this burden onto his shoulders. Sans had just started getting better, the younger didn’t want to make it worse again.

He wondered how vaguely he could ask Sans about it without him catching on. That would prove tricky as he was much more observant than he let on. Papyrus knew this. The only exception to this rule would be an instance, such as previously, when he was too absorbed in his work. Papyrus wondered if he could use Sans’ work as a cover for the questions. It might work.

“Papyrus?” Faia called again. Papyrus shook his head as he realized he was getting too lost in thought. He then turned his attention to the blue fox in front of him. “What are we going to do?” She asked. Papyrus looked down.

“I don’t know…. I think… I think I will try to ask him something vague about it if I feel that he won’t catch on. He already has everyone looking to him to do something about the barrier,” Papyrus explained.

“You aren’t going to tell him?” Faia asked. She recoiled slightly as if she were a bit appalled at the idea. Something about that sparked something in Papyrus that he didn’t like.

“You didn’t,” he curtly pointed out. Faia shrank back much more visibly this time. A pang of guilt hit the King immediately. What was he doing? That was not a very Papyrus thing to do. He forced himself to take a deep breath now that his wave of anxiety had passed. He needed a clear mind if he was going to properly find a solution to this dilemma.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap,” Papyrus apologized looking down at the papers in his lap again.

“No.You’re right… You’re…. You’re right. I didn’t tell him. Maybe I should have before giving you the list instead of expecting you to tell him instead,” Faia returned.

“Well, we’re not going to get anything done about it if we both just sit here sulking over poor communication skills,” Papyrus gently supplied. Faia nodded and straightened back up.

“If we aren’t going to tell him, then what are we going to do?” Faia asked.

+++++++

Papyrus absentmindedly stirred the pot of spaghetti on the stove. What was he going to do? What was he going to say to Sans when he got home? How can this even be entirely about Sans? What was more important: protecting Sans or giving the public the answers they deserve? What would Papyrus tell the public anyway? He didn’t know the answer to their question. It could be very possible that Sans simply wasn’t there when the human came through. Perhaps he was selling something at one of his stands. Perhaps he was at Grillby’s. He could have even been at home.

Papyrus knew he wasn’t usually home at that time, but Papyrus had been waiting outside Undyne’s door until long after the human left…..waiting for the human to come and hang out with the two of them…. Thinking that Undyne and the human could be friends, when in reality the human had long killed his best friend. Papyrus stopped as he realized he was stirring too fast, causing noodles to go everywhere. He was getting angry with himself again. He didn’t need that. Not now. Not when he had his brother’s issues to deal with. Maybe Sans didn’t know? Maybe he didn’t even know people were so upset with him. Papyrus knew he shortcutted straight to the lab every day and he hadn’t seen any grease stains or other evidence of him visiting Grillby, which was probably the only other place the monster would go.

Maybe if he just asked Sans as if he really just wanted to know for himself, he would get an answer. He would find that Sans wasn’t there, that the human had managed to slip past without being judged. Even then, the Underground would probably still be angry with him, but perhaps not quite as much as if he had the option to stop the human and then didn’t.

The sound of displaced air startled the King. He let out a distressed ‘nyeh’ as he jumped, sending a few noodles flying out of the pot. There stood Sans as always, but it shouldn’t be time for him to be home yet, should it? Papyrus checked the clock and then regarded his brother. Nothing different about him, except he was early. Earlier than early. Not the five or ten minutes he was usually early by, but a whole half hour!

“bro?” Sans asked with concern in his voice.

“SANS?” Papyrus asked as he gauged the clock one more time before turning his attention back to his brother.  “You’re home early. Earlier than usual.” Sans gave his typical shrug and Papyrus instantly knew what words would come out of his mouth next. He steeled himself to keep from showing his concern.

“heh, didn’t want to give ya the chance to worry,” He said, just as expected. Too late, Papyrus morbidly thought.

“Well, dinner won’t be ready for quite some time. Why don’t you go take a shower?” Papyrus suggested. He tried to force his hands not to linger directly in front of him. If he kept doing that, he’d eventually start wringing them together and then Sans would know something was wrong.

“you ok, bro?” Sans asked. Well, so much for that. Papyrus gave up on trying to hide his concern on his features. Well, he guessed that now would be as good of a time as ever to ask Sans about it.

“I….. I have a question for you, brother,” Papyrus managed. Sans posture slacked a bit. Papyrus guessed Sans didn’t think that it was anything too serious and was showing relief.

“of course, bro…. anything,” Sans said. Papyrus wanted to flinch. No, Sans definitely did not understand the dire circumstances currently present, nor the severity of the question Papyrus was about to ask. He was afraid that Sans would run away from the question. Run away like he does for every other conflict, but Papyrus didn’t want that. He didn’t want Sans running away from him. Sans can run from conflict all he wants, but Papyrus never wants Sans to run away from him. With that in mind, Papyrus stepped forward and wrapped his brother up into a hug. Sans gingerly returned it.

“Were you in the Judgement Hall when the human came through?” He finally asked. He felt Sans freeze and his hands grip into the scarf. He felt Sans somehow sink while simultaneously stiffen. He wanted to run. Papyrus knew he did. He didn’t want to answer. That made Papyrus fear the worst.

“Yes,” came the older’s voice softly. Papyrus felt his arms loosen from his brother in shock and he flinched away from him as he did. He couldn’t help but wonder as a question kept repeating itself in his head: why?

“you want to know why i let them go,” Sans stated. It wasn’t a question. Papyrus could only find himself to stand back and nod. Sans looked down at the ground, but he didn’t seem incredibly ashamed. He stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“they weren’t all bad, papyrus. they had the potential to be a good person. they could have been so much worse. they could’ve killed me, or grillby, or a lot of other people….. they could have killed you…. but they didn’t. i wanted to give them to be the chance to be the person you knew they could be,” Sans explained. Papyrus felt his metaphorical gut sink. Sans spared them…. For him?

Papyrus thought he would faint. Sans knew that the human had killed Undyne and Mettaton when Papyrus didn’t. Did that mean that it was Papyrus’ fault? Should Sans have judged the human according to what he knew rather than what Papyrus knew about the human at the time? Regardless, if Sans spared the human because Papyrus believed in them, that ultimately makes it Papyrus’ fault, doesn’t it?

It would be the same reason that Undyne’s death was his fault. He believed in the human and helped them along in their journey. It was his fault that his best friend was murdered and it was his fault that her killer got away. Papyrus was happy that he lacked a stomach, otherwise he might have thrown up from the intense emotion coiling inside of him.

“But….  but they killed Mettaton… and Undyne…. And so many others,” Papyrus reminded. He felt tears begin to streak down his face. He wasn’t sure when they got there, and he currently didn’t have the care to wipe them away.

Sans finally looked up at the taller skeleton and Papyrus instantly wished that he hadn’t. The moment their eyes met, Sans’ face turned and he frowned. Papyrus saw a large mix of emotion cross his brother’s face. Guilt, sadness, and shame among others. Sans quickly looked back down and Papyrus saw his shoulders come closer together, like he was trying to shrink in on himself from the guilt.

“i know…. i just wanted to give them another chance,” Sans said. His voice was warped from something. Perhaps guilt? Or perhaps he was fighting tears himself. Papyrus saw Sans’ feet spread to shoulder width apart, a sure sign that he was about to shortcut somewhere.

“WAIT!” Papyrus called and flung himself onto his brother again, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He halfway collapsed on the floor due to the height difference, but he didn’t care. “Please don’t go…. Please don’t run away from me.”

A buildup of magical energy that Papyrus didn’t notice before fizzled out. Sans was certainly about to shortcut away. The older didn’t move. He stayed completely still as if he were made of stone. Papyrus felt a few tears drop down onto his shoulder. So Sans was crying. Papyrus didn’t want that. Sans had no reason to cry. He only did what he thought was best…. for Papyrus’ sake.

“Please don’t cry. It’s not your fault,” Papyrus begged.

“you’re disappointed in me,” Sans stated rather bluntly.

“May…. maybe a little, but I still love you Sans. You only did what you thought was right. Please stay,” Papyrus said. After a few long moments that felt like an eternity, Papyrus felt his brother’s arms wrap around him in return. The silence settled back in and neither skeleton spoke. It seemed as though neither skeleton had anything more to say.

Papyrus’ body was feeling sore and stiff from remaining in the same uncomfortable position for so long. Regardless, he continued to hold onto his brother as if he would disappear the moment he let go of him. In all reality, it was a definite possibility. He didn’t want Sans to go and he didn’t want Sans to feel bad. He wanted his brother to know that he still loved him.

“hey, bro?” Sans asked. Papyrus let out a hum of recognition, not trusting his voice. He wasn’t able to force himself to look at his brother in this moment. “your pasta is burning.”

Papyrus immediately shot up and rushed towards the pot on the stove. Sure enough, almost all of the water had boiled out. All of the noodles were bloated from being overcooked and the strands that were close to the sides above the water had already burned and stuck to the pot. It was beyond salvageable. The King let out a heavy sigh as he took the pot off the stove and set it in the sink. He filled it to the brim with water to soak for easy cleaning later.

He turned back to where Sans was, expecting him to be gone. Expecting that he took the opportunity to shortcut away. To his surprise, he was still standing there, looking down with his hands in his pockets.

“I think we still have some leftovers in the fridge,” Papyrus supplied in an attempt to remain off-topic.

“‘s’okay... i’m not really hungry anyway,” Sans said to the floor. Papyrus looked down. He wasn’t really hungry either. There wasn’t really anything left to do for the day either. Papyrus just had the feeling of impending doom as he thought about how to deal with the address tomorrow. Right now Papyrus was just exhausted from an emotionally overwhelming day. He wanted nothing more than to go to bed right now, as much as he hated to admit it.

“Will you read to me?” Papyrus asked.  Sans finally looked up from the floor. For a brief moment he looked as if he was trying to gauge the younger skeleton before he sighed and nodded.

The pair silently made their way to Papyrus’ room where they settled in as they normally did for bedtime stories. The only exception was when Papyrus handed Sans a larger book rather than fluffy bunny, hoping to make his brother stay longer. Even then, when the book was finished, Papyrus didn’t feel that it was enough. As Sans turned to leave, the younger grabbed his hand.

“Please don’t go,” Papyrus begged. “I can sleep on the couch and you can take my bed, if you want.” Sans stayed still for a long time. Papyrus didn’t say anything, unmoving in his proposition.

“i can take the couch, bro. it’s your bed,” Sans provided before pulling free.

He shuffled over to the couch and pulled off the blanket that once belonged to their lumpy couch back home. He quickly settled in, yawning and taking up his spot on the couch. Papyrus watched sadly for a moment before he determined that Sans was not going to run off. Feeling a bit more at ease with his brother in the same room, he rolled over and attempted to go to sleep.

+++++++

When rays of artificial sunlight struck the King’s face, he responded by throwing his arm over his eyes. Sleep had not come easily last night. This left him feeling ragged and exhausted. He wished more than anything that he could just take the day off. Take the day off to stay in bed, catch up on sleep, and not deal with the large crowd of monsters asking questions about his brother.

Taking a moment to build his resolve, Papyrus eventually forced himself out of bed. Looking over at the couch, he saw a blanket tossed to the side as well as a pillow that had fallen to the floor. So Sans was already up. The smell of coffee reached Papyrus and his head tilted to the side a bit in confusion. He followed his sense of smell until it brought him to his nightstand. There sat a caramel macchiato in a familiar fish shaped cup along with a note.

Papyrus picked up the note and read it quickly. Upon so he felt some relief wash over him. Sans had decided to spend the entire day at the lab. He wouldn’t be there for the address. Good. That way Sans won’t have to deal with the stress of Papyrus’ mistake. The whole situation was Papyrus’ fault and so Sans shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences for it. Although, Papyrus knew that, scarily, Sans would be willing to do so for him.

With a heavy sigh, Papyrus picked up the cup of coffee and began to get ready for the day. He trudged into the bathroom and looked forlorn at his appearance. Any progress that had been made looked like it had been reverted with yesterday’s events. It was going to be a very long day.

+++++++

The address had gone horribly. Papyrus had tried to explain that Sans was enacting Papyrus’ decision by letting the human go, not his own. Monsters were outraged. Calling Papyrus’ words unkindly things and demanding that Sans be there to answer for himself. Faia stood to the side all the while and eventually began to tremble at the onslaught of the monster’s accusations.

The monsters were so unruly, in fact, that the address had to be cut short and Paxan was left to quell the roaring crowd. Papyrus felt guilty for it. So many people were having to deal with the outcome of his bad judgement and the general public wouldn’t believe him. None of them thought it was Papyrus’ fault. They all just wanted to blame it all on Sans.

Papyrus crumpled into the kitchen chair with a defeated sigh. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. What would happen if monsters got too angry? Would they dethrone him and demand a new king? Papyrus bitterly thought that perhaps that would be best as he wasn’t a very good choice to begin with.

As he placed his elbows on the table to rest his head, something caught his attention. Another note was sitting in the middle of the table in Sans’ unmistakable handwriting. Papyrus quickly picked up the note, desperately hoping that everything was ok.

hey bro,

sorry i’m not there for lunch. i already ate. i promise i’ll be there for dinner, though. i hope your address went well, but i’m sure it did. you always do an awesome job. you’re so cool. i might be a bit late to dinner tonight. i feel like i’m on the verge of discovering something big.

[cosmosogler]

today i got up soooort of on time. then i got distracted by the internet!!! so i was 2 minutes late for class. the air was chilly today though so the bike ride over to campus was gucci. perfect weather.

i took furious notes in both classical and quantum. classical today was “graded” by a professor who left the comments portion of the lecture very open-ended. we weren’t really sure what to say. i ended up kind of dominating the conversation even though i didn’t really want to.

gotta keep my trap shut!

after that we went to get spaghetti. i missed it, even though we only skipped one week. suzanne asked why i talk to my parents. that got me down a pretty dark lane of conversation. i tried to focus on how i wish i had a closer relationship with my siblings... but i’m still so angry. all the time.

eventually harrison said something like “we need to pick a different awkward topic before my day gets ruined.” 

and i said “OH. i’m sorry my life ruins your day.” 

i was mostly joking. he apologized but we did change the topic to “awkward topics.” 

then i went to group therapy. i had to fill out a survey beforehand. i thought about how i was feeling the last week or two. i only really started feeling like i had any energy at all yesterday-ish. so i kept my answers pretty low mood-wise. 

i only consciously lied on one of the questions because i wasn’t sure what the required response would be. and it wasn’t a big lie. i’m not really at “high risk” of killing myself. maybe 5%. right now at least i feel ok. the past week collectively though, i wasn’t feeling too hot. 

group therapy was... actually good? we tried to focus and dwell on some conversation topics even though most of us are usually lightning-fast about responding. i ended up talking quite a bit. they seemed worried. they also seemed pretty upset about the department thing, where the professors/coordinators lie about how your classmates are doing to try to push you to work harder.

one thing the group leader said though is “how can we help you?” 

i told her i’d get back to her on that. i don’t really know. i said hearing about their self care routines and comparing ideas helps. i have made adjustments to my routine over the last two months. pretty drastic ones. i haven’t yet been able to re-cram in time to meditate before bed but the podcast helps me doze off at least. 

i’ve been drinking more tea too and i think that keeps my stomach a little more settled. caffeine free so i can drink it with dinner.

i need to think a little more about what other people can do to help me. i don’t really have any hope of actually being helped any more. i still get let down all the time by the people who are supposed to be in charge. but like... you only get out of group therapy what you put in. if i can find a specific goal to achieve that these guys can help me get to, and how to get them to get me there, that’d be great! but i also might not have Problems if i am able to get that far? i mean, like, you gotta be pretty on top of things to know exactly what you need help with and what that help needs to look like.

after that i went to e&m. something about that classroom really throws me off, because in the last ten minutes of class my eyes started hurting AGAIN. like a cramp, almost? this doesn’t really happen anywhere else. reading for too long i just get a headache and then i grind my teeth which makes the headache worse. i tried some eye exercises and that helped for a few minutes but by then i was way behind and i was just tired. 

the frustration builds up. the professor will make a step that doesn’t make any sense and not explain it. someone will ask a question and he won’t explain it still because he thought the question was dumber than it actually was. he goes too fast. just little things, but millions of them for 50 minutes straight. and then trying to focus on the board hurts. maybe his handwriting is too small and it strains my eyes? maybe i get frustrated because he stands directly in front of his writing and his lecture is incomprehensible and the anger and anxiety make my muscles tense up which hurts my eyes? i dunno.

after class i checked my email and then biked back over to the group therapy building. but this time i went to the third floor. the person i was having a meeting with was like 10 minutes late even though i got there 5 minutes before my appointment. i took the time to update pokemon go since i haven’t touched it in over 8 months. i caught a murkrow and looked at the entei raid a few blocks over.

i want entei. not gonna happen at level 20 though. my strongest pokemon is 1400 cp. this thing was like 19000.

anyway this new person is annie. the student “care area” is not a therapy office but they can help coordinate between the drc and my department. we talked about maybe dropping e&m for now since the workload is getting to be too much. (i am 4 weeks behind in grading.) 

so i will talk to danielle about it tomorrow, and then see how i do on the test on friday, and then talk to both of them again next week. i’m a little stressed about the consequences of dropping the class. the financial aid requires a certain amount of credit hours. and we’re supposed to be done with classes by the end of our second year, and i won’t even have finished UNDERGRAD e&m by my first year if i drop it. and it’ll give me a glaring weak spot on my next round with the prelim right after new year’s. 

well, i haven’t talked about it with the drc yet, so i probably won’t get anywhere worrying about it right now.

at the end of group therapy i said that even though i like to complain, i will try to follow up with actual solutions more. 

it just seems like... most of the things i complain about don’t really HAVE solutions. or i’ve already made a decision about how to deal with them but they are still very difficult and/or stressful. my classmates said it might be a good idea to reach out to my brother more after he moves away for college because teenagers are super moody and just not very enthusiastic about talking to family members in general. so that just means being patient for another two-ish years.

after that i biked back to the office.

OH! I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR THIS MORNING. it was like three inches away. they were making a left turn across the road i was riding down and they just... didn’t stop. or go and get out of the way. i had to pull a hard turn and swerve up on the sidewalk and i almost hit a pedestrian. 

it’s like they weren’t even looking.

anyway i got back to the office at about 5:15 or so. i took a 45-minute break to eat some food and walk around a bit and goof off on facebook. i felt a little better after that, and then suzanne helped john and i study for our e&m test. we covered the entire chapter, just the main ideas, but it helped a lot i hope. i had my mind blown once at least. i understand dielectrics WAY better now.

we got done with that at 7:10-ish, so longer than a full class period. i was exhausted and antsy by the end of it. i packed up my things, yelled at luis a little bit about the alphabet song since we’d been having an argument about it earlier, and then biked home.

he told me the alphabet song came before the alphabet and that’s why they are in the order they are. i think the vowels should have all been put together.

the alphabet song was based off a mozart piece apparently and copyrighted in 1835. TAKE THAT, LUIS! EAT IT!!

when i got home i made some dinner and hid some cookies around for snoopy to find. she was WAY more interested in looking for them after she watched me hide them. and also had some catnip that i put on her walk-through brush. then she seemed to realize for the first time that her cat bed has two levels, and the lower level had cookies on it.

she’s a goofy one.

by the time i finished eating it was after 8:30 so i watched a few youtube videos and checked the 9 o’clock updates. then i ACTUALLY SAT DOWN AND DID SOME GRADING. i got through 2 pages of a whole lab section, which comes out to 36 pages. i did that in about the same amount of time, and then i spent a few minutes feeding snoopy and preparing my daily planner for tomorrow, and then it was 10 so i started writing. now it is 10:43.

it feels like this week has been going extra slowly. maybe it is because i feel more focused so i am losing less time to the Void of the Internet? my breaks have been more... deliberate. i set aside 90 minutes to play smash bros, and then got back to work after i felt more relaxed. stuff like that. it was a lot of fun, too.

i am a little worried about friday, between the test and the fact that i have to have 9 sections of labs graded by the end of the day, which is just not going to happen. tomorrow i don’t even get to sit down and take a BREAK let alone do work until after 4. friday is busy all the way through 4 too. and today was busy through after 5.

AND i gotta start the classical assignment somewhere in there too so i don’t have to try to slog through a 12-hour assignment over the weekend yet again. 

tomorrow my labs ungraded are gonna bump up to 12. but i made progress today. i have doubled the amount of grading i’ve finished. that’s something, right? 4 is twice as much as 2, even if you need to get to 70. and then 20 more after that.

something good. i jumped right away to asking questions when i got to my meeting with annie today. i admittedly did not have time to look up their office before i got over there, but she was very kind and explained how their office was different from the drc and counseling centers and what they are useful for. we got a solid plan set and another appointment scheduled within 25 minutes. 

now i just need to apply that “here is how this will be helpful” authority to emotions i guess? i’m not very good at asking for help from peers. i do it a lot but that doesn’t mean i’m good at it. well, i can do academic questions pretty well. but personal help is like... a league of its own.

i think i did a good job making use of some break time today and then getting back to work when i was ready. i didn’t have a LOT of time today but i stayed busy at least. and i paced myself really well yesterday because i wasn’t miserable and exhausted today! 

well, i was miserable and exhausted. but not AS miserable and exhausted as i usually get when i work too hard for too long without breaks. because i took breaks!

[cheerisuu]

Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔