#like brand management and stuff
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besties i landed my internship for my master’s program
#im SO nervous#its in a field i have never worked before#if anyone has working in consulting lmk#like brand management and stuff
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New Gale content this patch which means I'm banned from searching the Gale tags and dodging posts on my newsfeed like I'm Keanu Reeves
#I managed to avoid most of the new epilogue stuff when that happened so that should still be brand new information when I hit it#pray 4 me LMAO#I did see one of the new kisses when I played last night it was so cute#My friend was baffled that I didn't just spam the kiss command to see all of them ngjklfdnkh I like to SAVOR THE CONTENT and TAKE MY TIME
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I need the cost of international shipping to go down right now and I'm NOT joking........ please. 😊🙏
#i found some of those retro star trek 9“ figures/dolls with the detailed clothing and theyre only like $12 each.#but the shipping is like $50 PER FIGURE. 😨😨😨#and something something bc of the ebay international shipping program they cant do combined shipping and need to send them all off-#seperately anyway 😢😔#but yeah damn. theres some stuff over here in aus but most of the good stuff is from overseas#*gripping the bars of my enclosure* they have a jadzia figure available.... . . .#i cant manage to find her elsewhere. they also have bashir. i CAN find him here but the only listing is in a three pack with some minor-#characters for like $120 😭😭😭#grafftalk#delete later#sidenote does anyone know if there was ever a playmates brand quark 9-incher made...#ive had a little look around but all i can find are the new Mego brand ones#and the thing is like. well#idk how but they seemed to have really fucked up his face. 😭 it looks okay in a bunch of the model photos#but the actual thing in the pack you get is just. wrong. horrible. off. narsty...
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so wild that whenever i see sonic fanart on here theres like a 60 percent chance sonic will have top surgery scars and this is just an accepted thing and barely anyone questions it back in my day if you said you think any sonic character isn't cis or het 500 people would suddenly appear to demand evidence or to just tell you you're wrong and you cant say that
#or maybe its just the tumblr side of the sonic fanbase thats normal about trans sonic and everywhere else is still weird about it#who knows#its also kinda funny seeing him be drawn with top surgery scars like how did he get those#either the sonic universe has zero restrictions on trans healthcare for minors or he didnt get it done the normal legal way#teenagers technically not being allowed to go on hrt or get any surgery but sonic somehow managing to do that stuff anyway#is definitely on brand for him though to be honest#thouhg my favorite explanation is that theyre not real scars at all#theyre just transgender swag markings that magically appeared on his body
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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Me, a Kirby fan, getting into something new: getting a lot of Kirby vibes from this
#it's 40k. I'm into 40k now.#tonally? Kirby and 40k couldn't be more different. Diametric opposition. Hope vs. despair.#but the actual stuff that's in the setting? uhhhh yeah those are the same things#at least in how I write my headcanon. because big space opera setting#as I told a friend earlier: ''I'm a fucking Kirby fan of COURSE I like both planet-swarming hiveminds and ancient mystical technology''#this was in reaction to seeing the miniature for the C'tan Shard of the Void Dragon and going ''that bitch has Star Dream's wings''#and this was After I had already pinned my interest on The Bugs. oh no I need Necrons too now#in my Kirby setting the planet-swarming hivemind is full of good people actually#I've somehow managed to make the TYRANIDS of all factions somewhat sympathetic but in a horrible Machiavellian tragedy kinda way#because you know I love angst. boy do I love angst#anyway I ammmmm researching good brands of primer and trying to decide between spray and brush so I can start painting my new bugs
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shout out to media ..... its really interesting to look at how graphics and layouts and stylisation develops over time and what influences it (lots of analysis in the tags)
#temtalk#i was comparing 1957 vogue to 2023 vogue#and u can see its very much based on pictures now#rather than back then it was lots and lots of words#esp in the first issues where it was so many paragraphs#and its also very fpcused on advertising despite when the article itself isnt#for example one on margot robbie (photoshoots n stuff for barbie) managed to work the branding into the little snippets of text#which ur bound to read bc of how small they are n how they stand out on the page#as being the only text so naturally ur gonna read them#its in the same paragrah no line break or anything#backstory on the image then BOOM brand name#and it has the brand name first which is interesting#like [brand] shoes rather than shoes by [brand]#bc if u were reading for backstory on the image itself u would see 'shoes' and stop reading#but by having thr brand first . boom . right in ur face wether u like it or not#which id obviously what a lot of advertising does bc yk. no one likes it. so they have to force it at u#also also also. i was considering#yk how tumblrs layout look so much like twt now#thats fascinating to me#bc why would u want to go with the crowd rather than maintain ur image which already sticks out somewhat#lots of social platoforms are looking more and more similar#which. is fascinating like i mentioned#bc being unique is a big part of marketing#so its probably playing to the popularity of twt? possibly hoping to draw in more users with a theme thye already recognise#which i mean. this is known as being a 'dead' website#heavy on the quotation marks#so maybe its a case of trying to revive it somewhat by pushing it into the crowd#even tho. its not dead#IDK IDK its all rlly interesting to me!!taking media in school at the moment#and im rlly enjoying it so
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found the perfect carpet to go with / to replace the exact same one i have... but the seller doesn't do postal service, only hand to hand :((
#3615 my life#which i can understand as someone who don't like sending stuff by mail for some reasons#but this carpet (rug ?) has not been in store for YEARS and will never be again#and it was “brand new” condition and not too expensive.......... ;^;#i bought one a year ago but it was actually the Version Before The One I Have#where the outside are not the same and the color is a bit more vibrant#which couuuld have been ok#but it was sold as “very good condition” and it came with matted parts and DOG HAIR ALL OVER. and it's a rug ! you can't get it out !#no matter how long you hover it#i'm disappointed in a 'it happened too fast and i am not feeling it consciously but a part of me will manage to be sad'#(it's not a great way to do things)
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shopping around for a small heat gun and hm. i would like something that will not set my house on fire.
#i remember when i was shopping around for rotary tools and man some of the off-brand stuff on amazon would have reviews like#yeah once this turned on while it was on the charging dock and i wasn't home#and i just managed to catch it before it caught fire#and like. hm. don't like that.#i am not terribly familiar with the Legit brands so i will have to do some looking around#unfortunately it seems like 'small' is often conflated with 'cheap'#and like i just want a small one#not one made of chewing gum and string and paperclips#like blease i want something that will blast hot air but i would like to have some amount of control as to how hot that air is#this just in latest california wildfire started by local idiot trying to do something normal with a heat gun
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My dad got me really nice airpods for christmas so I can finally retire the earbuds that came bundled with my iPhone 5s over 40 lifetimes ago. Absolutely mystified that the noise cancelling on these is something that can be toggled off and on. How do they do that...
#textpost#I will use a piece of technology until it breaks and then I will fix it and force it to hobble along in-#-a zombie-like state until it crumbles apart or I can't fix it anymore#Which is how I've managed to trick Apple brand earbuds with their shitty rubber cords to last almost 9 years hah!#Most of the 'retro' tech I have laying around my room is legit just stuff I got in the <90s or my parents had that I keep fixing rofl#Wish I could fix the damn CD player on my Sony stereo but whatevs I like cassettes more anyway
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:(
#literally dumb as rocks beans for brains of me to even ever think going back to do my diploma in early#childhood education as a means to get back into the industry after like four years out was even a little bit a good idea#the job broke me the first time + i’m in a much much much worse place now#have been looking through the first chunk of assessments + so much of it is management type stuff#which is fine on paper#but doing these sorts of assessments in practice is. not something i can do#i have a settling in period of like three years minimum it takes me so long to build any confidence#+ almost every assessment involves walking into service as a student + then having to demonstrate a level of authority#which is no bueno for me#like the first assessment involves leading a team meeting#how am i supposed to walk into a centre brand new + ask to lead a meeting#and then every piece of placement assessment is the same sort of thing#lots of having to approach parents to sign permission forms + lots of taking control of rooms or learning experiences#it’s funny because technically it’s all stuff i can do because i did do it#like i ran the nursery as a lead educator + did all the management stuff but that was after having been there for a year as a student#then as an assistant so i was like. comfortable + established in the centre if that makes sense?#i couldn’t just walk into any centre off the street into a management position i need to work my way into it#if that’s what i even wanted to do#so to do it as a student is a no go#on top of that just the idea of going back to any work let alone back to childcare has given me nightsweats#since the diploma started. like my anxiety about it is out of control + realistically logically i know that this is not something that’s#going to work out but i’m ready to throw up about it because what do i do?#i’m struggling big time with feelings of inadequacy for not being educated + can’t shake the feeling that my life is kind of over#because i haven’t got a degree + it doesn’t seem like i’m going to be in a position to be well enough to get through one#+ i don’t know what work i’m cut out for i don’t feel like i’m good for anything#which sounds dramatic but i mean it in a very genuine way i’m just too nervous + scared + uncomfortable#i’m just not functioning in any sensible way + i don’t know what to do with myself#like dropping this course just makes sense but what then? what job is there for me?#it all just starts spiralling out into thinking about that i’ll probably never be able to afford to live independently out of home#+ that spirals into thinking about how i’ll never find anyone + how my life is so messy + meaningless
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the thing about "barbie is a commercial!!!" is like. yeah. a commercial starring margot robbie. so i will be there opening day :)
#still thinking abt the diablo cody stuff#about how they specifically referenced how well the lego movie combined being a satire while still promoting the brand#like i think theres something more widespread w barbie. and maybe it feels more insidious? bc theyre not just selling toys to kids w this#like the lego movie was a Cartoon and the main selling point of the brand will always be the toy itself#and like the fact that they managed to make the movie a commentary on the brand itself and what it Represents Culturally#how different people love and play with legos etc. was a genius move and huge success. that GAVE the movie more widespread success#but w barbie its like. its a pg-13 movie this isnt to sell barbie dolls its to sell the barbie brand. as ppl have said obvioulsy lmao#but specifically in comparison to the lego movie like the lego marketing outside of the movie was Not comparable#idk#r.txt
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my last therapy appointment was all about like feeding myself actually good food bc that was part of my ED recovery that my doctors sort of… forgot ig?? anyways now i’m eating a sandwich with meat AND vegetables AND cheese and it’s actually really good??? it didn’t even upset my ADHD to make it?? i do now feel like i need a nap but other than that i’m feeling really good??
#ed recovery#recovery#for my mutuals who don’t know i have ARFID which for me is like super picky eating#i also have EDNOS but that is a lot more managed than the ARFID#anyways i’m usually super averse to most food but moving to london means i sort of have to eat new stuff#like new brands and some new food entirely#and i liked them! so i’m a little more motivated to try new stuff now
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oh gd the company's doing like. a refresh of the brand or st and they're overhauling the website or something? I don't have a lot of details but they wanna add employee testimonials and my manager wants ME to write one
#I mean I do mostly enjoy working here now that I know what I'm doing! the flexible hours and really hands-off management is great#so I'm sure I can expand on that and write something appropriately sycophantic but like. I'm not ~loyal~ to the brand or whatever the fuck#It Is Just A Job and there's definitely some stuff that could be better lmao#job stuff
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I got to spend two hours in garden with my favorite evening coworker and literally as soon as he saw me we were talking about society as a panopticon and the end of us hegemony and our manager was like "jfc I forgot you two are like this."
#chit chat#we were preparing for the district manager to arrive tomorrow#he instead arrived while we were working out there#because he’s a fuckshit#but whatever#he didn't recognize me because I was wearing a different hat than usual lmao#he treated me like a brand new garden employee#work stuff
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god i hate it when im mentally all set to work on something but the circumstances dont fucking align and i have to wait
#i am trying to get back into making clay dragons cause it feels like its been forever since i actually made one#but the thing is the one i wanted to make is a specific character so i needed to have my laptop in my room to have a ref on hand#(but also so i could listen to music while i work n all that)#and the fucking laptop decided it needed an update Right That Instant#and now its getting late as i wait for it to finish so im like. i probably should wait till tomorrow...#and i just got some new crystals for the eyes and i really want to try them out cause i've never used this brand before#(michaels stopped selling the swarovski brand that i used to always use. but their new brand is a bit less expensive so thats cool)#i mean i guess i still made progress toward the project in a way cause i got some of the gems sorted#and i managed to find my wire cutters that i thought i lost and i dusted my workspace#dunno just frustrated tho cause i really wanted to actually start working on mixing the clay colors and i cant really do that yet#i feel like i cant even work on the armature properly yet cause i want to be able to compare with the ref for proportions n stuff
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