#like bitch fanfic writers have lives and fucking emotions

[bloodibambiidoll]

Every time I think I can’t be more shocked by peoples behavior on here I’m proven so wrong lmao if you’ve got something to say come say it directly to my face off anon otherwise shut the fuck up.

[coquettelipglossdarling]

One of the greatest writers in the obx fandom stxrslut was bullied off of here. You people need lives, why the fuck would y’all bully poor Lilly. Just because she has more writing talent and emotional depth than y’all can dream of having doesn’t mean y’all can do what y’all did. All of you sons of bitches are losers who need to go fuck yourselves and get a life cause what is so fucking serious that you feel the need to bully AN OUTER BANKS SMUT WRITER. As people who call yourselves “fanfic readers” you should know that smut exists, you should know that DARK SMUT exists. Fics are tagged for a reason, if you don’t like the CW warnings and tags on the fic that just scroll past no need to send fucking death threats. If you can’t handle writing that is dark and taboo take your immature asses back to wattpad since y’all want like 13 year olds.

[kingflups]

For the writer's ask game:

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I'm 11. I'm chronically on DeviantArt and incredibly obsessed with transformers animated. Someone made a Warrior cats au and it blew my little mind. I didn't know people could do that??? I got crazy into crossovers after that, I'm pretty sure my first fic was a pokemon/transformers au. I can't be 100% sure, I purged most of the fics off my DA in early high school and my parents old computer is *super* toast, so most of my og fics are lost to time

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

7. Like a solid 7. No. No that's a lie. Like a 6. It's fine. I enjoy it but trying to get into the mood to edit is a lot harder than getting into the mood to write. Once I hit a stride it fucking rocks tho

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

I read The Snack Exchange Market is Crashing by JeromeSankara recently and it made me cry in real life. Very good, I really liked it. Banger, very Leon Kennedy heavy, absolutely wonderful.

Speaking of fics that made me cry like a little bitch, Hold on Till May by acethedisgrace ruined my whole day! In a good way, I'm still haunted by this fic. It's so sad! It's so heartbreaking and so good and everything was so close to working out.... this ones for the tragedy enjoyers. Very good, I'm not usually a fan of major character death but this was so fucking good.

If you like monster au's like I do, Simulation Swarm by Alviva (AlvivaChaser) and Mouth of the Devil by SealedSalt are both absolutely wonderful. I personally adore fics where losing your humanity becomes a *physical* problem as well as a mental one, fucking!!! It's fun, I adore it, these are both great <33

If you like the show supernatural and enjoy weird stuff with time!!!! GO READ there's no cell service in the afterlife by screamsintothesun!!! It's so fucking good!!!!!

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

THIRD LOCATION. You have to get a third location. This was actually given to me as mental health advice but it works for me. The thinking is everyone should have *at least* three locations in their lives; While I was in college it was my apartment, the library, work and a friends place. When I moved after that, I struggled between my apartment and just having work (I didn't know anyone in the area at the time). My "third location" is a coffee shop I go to usually every Monday to write. I've been meaning to check out the library but I have to drive and the last time I visited one in this city I wasn't impressed.

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Copy/pasted bits of the fic followed by comments or key smashes!! That shits rocks. GOD. Or when somebody threatens you because you made them emotional somehow?? Hell yeah. Hell yeah!! *Any* comments really though, they're all great. I eat any attention up

@hamartia-grander Thank you so much for the ask!!!! This was so fun!!! <333

[emisirrelevant]

Goodbye Willow (for now?)

Alright, so this was the post I was dreading making for a while. But I just decided now is the time to do it.

I recently heard about the news surrounding the show Willow. I'm really sad. To say the least.

Apparently people are saying it's not technically canceled, but it's just going on a hiatus.

I've never heard of many shows to do this, but I am interested in what this could mean for the show's future.

Right now, I'm just sad because I won't get to see my favorite trio on screen for a while. My fantasy lesbians are gone for now. And my girlie Elora Danan. I miss that bad bitch every fucking day.

I am slightly concerned about what the show going on hiatus could mean for it in the future. I really REALLY want to have hope that it will come back. And that it actually gets to continue for a while.

I REMEMBER THAT LAST FUCKING SCENE WITH THE BOOKS ALL NEXT TO EACH OTHER I SAW THOSE VOLUMES I WANT MY SEASON 2 AND 3 PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

Okay, that might be asking too aggressively. Anyway, I guess what I want to say with my voice on here is that I really, really fucking loved this show. I know the show writers probably don't lurk on here, but in the like 0/100000000 percent chance they see this, I need to tell them,

DO NOT GIVE UP ON THIS SHOW.

DO NOT GIVE UP ON THE FANS WHO GENUINELY SEE SO MUCH OF THEMSELVES IN YOUR SHOW.

Because it's 2023, and I'm tired of shows getting treated like this.

And also because people on YouTube are tearing it to filth. And I do NOT want that to be what gets this show cancelled. (calling us woke- I'm just so tired??? it's called just let people live their fucking lives?)

I really, really love the Willow show.

If this is really it though, if this is the end, I just wanted to say all of this. Because I think this show is worth continuing. But if it's all going to lead to disappointment in the end, and it's just another show that gets my hopes up only to crush them for the nth time, then I'm glad I said my piece at least somewhere.

If this is really it and it never comes back, then these are my final words. To all the characters (except for the evil ones, lol), you will be severely missed by me.

I will miss Tanthamore and it will hurt like a bitch. But I'm glad we got them right from the beginning rather than not at all.

I will miss Elora Danan so much, I'm gonna be honest, she was my favorite character.

I'll miss Willow, Thraxus, Graydon and Scorpia. Sorry Airk fans, he was kinda just there for me.

But overall, I'm going to miss the whole damn thing so damn much.

If they never come back, I'll never get to see all of their amazing dynamics with each other and the banter between them all, and just the fantasy of escaping my reality and immersing myself into the adventures with them in this silly fun little fantasy world of Tir Asleen.

And it's also mostly gonna suck not to see major storylines continue if the show doesn't come back. I'll resort to fanfic though for that if that's the case, lol. But yeah, I am really going to miss Willow if this is the end of the journey. I'll hold out hope for now that we get to see our favorite little party come back home, but we'll just never know.

Not knowing for sure is always the worst, am I right.

Well. Before I get too emotional or carried away and think about it too long and get sad, I'm going to end it here.

Thank you for everything, Willow. This show truly means a lot. I'm going to miss it all so, so much. If this is it for the cast, I hope they all find success in the future. They all deserve the world. But someday, I hope we can return to the realm of Tir Asleen, and the adventure can continue. Goodbye (hopefully more like see you soon), Willow.

[aidanchaser]

20 questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @emeralddoeadeer! Am I using this to avoid writing? ... maybe

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

63 (I can think of at least 5 more that were orphaned or deleted)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,561,814 (lower than I expected tbh!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, mostly Miraculous Ladybug and Star Wars

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

It's... all Harry Potter Everyone Lives AU. Literally, my top 8 are all the HP AU (the epilogue, however, comes in at 10 for some reason). So excluding the Spiders Georg of my fanfic kudos, my top 5 are: 9. By Her Side (miraculous ladybug smut) 11. The Gladiator Games (percy jackson - everyone dies au) 12. Office Number One (chase works out her HP complaints in a different way than the AU) 13. Movie Night at the Manor (dick grayson tries not to mope about the parallels between jason and the winter soldier) 14. 2am (i make people cry about young justice)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to all comments. I don't quite get them all - but I try. Fic is about community, and I've made so many friends through Ao3 comments (including the lovely person who tagged me~)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Not even a toss up. It's The Gladiator Games, where I slaughter, one by one, all the Heroes of Olympus.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

As I skim my list of fics, I find I'm not very into happy endings. I'm into hopeful endings, which I don't think are necessarily the same thing. I think I have to go with By Her Side, which, even though I've written a dozen Ladybug identity reveals, I think is the happiest. Even that one, though, ends on the hope that they can keep it this time, rather than reset the world like they've had to before.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

The closest I got to hate was people bitching at the HP AU for including Wolfstar (or for not including wolfstar, which is fucking funny tbh), and one or two people who complained that it wasn't different enough from canon or interesting enough. But, if the AU had not had such a lovely, kind, wonderful reception by folks overall, I probably never would have finished it.

9. Do you write smut. If so, what kind?

I do write smut. I enjoy writing smut. I like paralleling emotional vulnerability to physical vulnerability. I used to write really kinky smut but I've become less enamored with writing it in the last few years -- that said I do still come back to my Percy/Annabeth/Piper/Jason fic that is kinky as all hell.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't know that it can be found anymore, but I used to have a Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons at Hogwarts fic. No idea if I orphaned or deleted it. I had all 7 years outlined. It was credited on Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons wikis, links all broken now. I think only managed to write 3 of them before I quit the whole thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

At least twice people have tried posting the HP AU on Wattpad or Ao3 as their own. Which is... an odd choice. Like, I'm not fandom famous, but it's a pretty distinctive fic. Both got taken down fairly quickly.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Some old, orphaned DCU smut got translated into Chinese. The HP AU has been translated into both Portuguese and German.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I used to co-write in school. I had a series that a former friend and I were collabing on, but we wrote fully different time periods in a series. I've never had a full fic co-written. Though, arguably, my beta team poured as much blood sweat and tears into the HP AU as I did, helping with everything from plot outlines to character developments to final grammar touches.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Percabeth. Something about them is just... so precious to me. I want them happy so badly.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Wisdom's Daughter Walks Alone... I know the ending. It's one more chapter. I should just write it. But I can't seem to make myself do it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. No questions asked. I love it and I'm good at it. It was the most consistent positive feedback I got throughout screenwriting and writing courses in school - I've always been very good at distinctive character voices.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot. Is it not enough for a story to be vibes? (If you want to know why I love AUs, Remixes, and songfic/poem frames - it's because I cannot think of an original problem to save my life. I can only borrow others'.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Like all writing, it should be intentional. But, like all fanfic, it's just for fun so do whatever you want. Ultimately, when you write for others, you write to communicate a thought or idea. Writing is telepathy, as Steven King said. So using words from another language is just another set of tools in your belt to communicate an idea. Know your audience and communicate your idea well.

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

Very first ever? Kingdom Hearts. First written and published was Inuyasha. I am... old.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

All the ones I love, I love for different reasons. It's a hard question to answer, when each fic has served a different season in my life. I think I'm just going to pick 3, not necessarily because they are my favorites, but because they are the most vulnerable I have ever been in my writing. So, I don't know if I would say they're my favorite, but they have the most of me in them. 1. A Game of Scars and Secrets 2. Thicker than Water 3. Roots

Tagging @kay-elle-cee, @sunshinemarauder, @rosie-b, and @astargatelover!

[citrinekay]

Fic writer interview

Thanks for tagging me @l-tyrell !

name/nicknames: Kay

fandoms: Right now, Beyond Evil. I have a tendency to let one thing consume my soul for a year or more at a time and I can't be distracted by anything else lol two shots?: I have written one two-shot, steel trap teeth, which was supposed to be a one-shot. if I happen to write a two-shot it's usually because, like that fic, what I've written gets too long for one chapter most popular multi-chapter fic: the bitter and the sweet. I'm happy with this statistic. it was the first fic I wrote after finishing the show for the first time and was full of emotions about jwds; I think this fic is representative of the impact that experience had on me lol actual worst part of writing?: I'm honestly stumped as to how to answer this without sounding stuck-up. I love writing. The worst part of writing is the time when I am not writing or having writer's block 😅 I joke quite frequently that I wish I could quit my day job and write fanfic for a living lol how you choose your titles: usually I take some line or word from within the story. occasionally I'll use a song title or a quote if I can't come up with something. i prefer for it to be my own words, though do you outline? hahaha nope. all my plans are in my head. I start from chapter one and take it from there. I usually have a tentative framework that includes certain milestones that I know need to happen throughout the fic and a strong concept for the ending but everything else gets decided in the heat of the moment ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: I have the idea for a fairly elaborate jwds The Villainess AU that is just problematic enough for me to be excited at the thought of writing it but idk if I will ever have the time or energy. real life/work is a bitch tbh callouts @ me: You do not need to be productive 100% of the time. best writing traits: Style-wise, I would say my descriptions. I enjoy trying to paint a picture of the scene for the readers and convey what I'm imagining in my own head to them. Overall, I would say characterization and accessing the emotional aspect of storytelling. I love writing angst and resolution of it. It's cathartic. spicy tangential opinion: I have nothing controversial to say lol I just stay in my little corner and write for myself and my friends and have a fucking ball. fandom is for fun and if stops being fun, then it's time to leave. I'll tag my dearest @bambikieren and @willgrahambf

[darkdemeter]

JERRRRRR YOU HAVE ME IN TEARS!

I mean it, you actually put me in tears, I.AM. A. WRECK. This was so amazing and beautiful, ooooooooh fuck my heart I love this sm, if DS4 takes place in the aftermath of the first game and they reunite and the Horsemen DON'T HAVE THIS CONNECTION -- I AM SENDING A STRONGLY WORDED EMAIL TO NORDIC ATTACHED WITH THESE 3 FICS YOU'VE DONE FOR STRIFE SEPTEMBER.

Each memory was so unique and perfect and I just became sucked into the story, I felt like I was living the memories and the emotions of Fury.

And fuck, with Death's part I just broke. I would wipe my tears away just to start crying again. I FELT Death's absence, I felt that loss so hard. AHHHHH I'm tearing up and crying like a bitch still just thinking about it. Jer, you fucking shifted the dial to 11 on this one and I'm so proud of the work you put into this.

Reading this has inspired me and shown me how much further I can delve into the sibling dynamic between the Horsemen in my own fics that's how so well done this is. Fucking fuck me, this was on all account so brilliant, amazing, spot on, would read again -- WILL READ AGAIN -- cause fuck, you killed it Jer.

It felt so refreshing to not only read but feel like I've experience bits of Fury's childhood (this is all fanfic but man, how I treat it like official lore), and how Strife is referred to as her knight in shining armor speaks volumes, how much trust and respect she actually has for him. She tries so hard to be strong and independent but on the inside, she is always yearning for that moment where it's someone else who's looking out for her, who's got her back. Not to tease her (at least not in a mocking way that makes her feel any lesser or weak) but to protect her and show her that she is loved and cared for.

War is just so sweet and adorable, I love how compared to how he is as an adult, he is this sweet little youngling who wants to become brave. That he has this softer side of him and he just glows with that abashed childish nature ya know? He gets flustered and it's so adorable and when he said that he was going to be cast into the Abyss I felt my heart DROP. Ugh, it was a horrible and dreadful feeling, I felt like I was losing him too just like Fury (not an x reader writer but shit, you immerse me right into your character studies)

And then for Death. The scene with him teaching Fury about the cycle of life and death was so majestic and oh-so beautiful, I could just SEE IT ALL HAPPENING. And again, I had a feeling what would happen the moment that Fury was expecting to see him and he wasn't there. That was when my stomach and heart just sank and I began to really tear up. I felt her pain so much reading that and how she was trying so hard to stay hopeful and was saying like, "Hey come on, this isn't funny. Where are you?"

Yep, all the deep, pent up emotions came flooding out with this one Jer. Amazingly written, for me this is what writing is about. It's about invoking a strong reaction from the reader, either emotional and/or psychological and you delivered on BOTH FRONTS.

Do not be surprised if I MAKE FANART OR A MINI COMIC ABOUT THIS in the future.

(on an added note, I hope that I don't accidentally start thinking about this at work tomorrow cause that's uh... that's gonna be a little embarrassing. "Oh no, I'm fine guys really I'm just crying over some of THE BEST CHARACTER STUDY FANFIC FOR DARKSIDERS YOU'LL EVER READ IN THIS LIFETIME AND THE NEXT. But I'm fiiine!")

A Heart beat away

CW: rot,decay,animal death and worms. A lot of angst and comfort.

Summary: In humanity's new home, Fury tries to reach out to her siblings from deep within her heart.

A/N: Does this count as strife september? hes got a few scenes and mentions here (no spoilers). @darkdemeter hey there Dem, youre in for one fluffy and brotherly love filled fic. (I got emotional re-reading this when I was doing my onceover, so you know its gonna hit hard/LH/HJ)

Fury had visited this realm exactly once. It was,perhaps, the one mission she didnt have to slay her way to get done what she needed to.

Now in hindsight,the realm is quite like earth,green pastures,bovine looking animals and a few lakes scattered. The Few difference laid in mostly the Flora of this place,And the fact that as far as she knew there were very few villages.

She sits now at the edge of one of the lakes where the few humans shes now in charge of lived their lives as best as they could. She looks down at her reflection on the water before her and realizes she...looks exhausted.

A sigh leaves the black rider,as she unclasps the amulet gifted by Death. She traces the carvings, feeling the divots and edges of the runes since her gauntlets are tossed to her side with her shoes and shin armor.

The coolness of the water feels nice against the skin of her feet and calves. Few were the moments of rest she got,there was always something she could do or help with back at the village but now she can just relax since humanity has kind of settled in their New home.

With this moment of respite, comes thought. Usually,thoughts have landed her in identity crisis as her journey on earth has so ungracefully shown her. But this one might just be the worst,because as her eyes linger on the amulet she notices her mind drifts to her siblings.

First,of course, is Strife.

When they were children,before all hell broke loose in Eden,they were quite the pair. He had her back at all times, he had returned home with a broken nose just to defend her honor. Strife has always been the sibling she was closest to,at least in recent memory. To younger fury he was...her knight in shining amor,just Like the old fairytales she was told growing up.

Strife...has always had a way to make his sister feel seen,hes never been afraid of putting her in line for her own good even if she complained about it. He has dragged her away from fights she was too small to take on,And always made sure she was okay.

So now she wonders,is he okay? Was he still fending off demons back on earth? Was he hurt?.

Once again he was saving her,that persona of the knight still gleaming through gruff witt and the blood thirsty ringing and roar of his pistols.

Her eyes close as she begins to feel them burn a little,her breath shakes as the crushing worry that has been lingering within her begins to show its face. Fury has never been one to cry,even before the nephilim massacre, but Now she finds herself in need of tears and sadness.

Was she burrowing worry from the future?Was she mourning? If so what exactly was she lamenting the loss of? Her brother or the brotherhood she shared with him?

Regret,thats what began to accompany her sadness. Why didnt she spend more time with him when she had the chance? Had she known he was Jones,would she have acted differently at all?

God,perhaps she has been a bigger asshole than she thought she was. Despite her antagonism towards everyone,specially Death, she now realizes that she just...misses her brothers.

It feels like a lifetime ago,when they were still family and this old world was so,so young. The memories of playing in the mud,of strife braiding her hair in intricate styles, the silliest jokes they would whisper eachother in the dead of night when neither could sleep, the way he would rock side to side when he hugged her...it feels like it didnt happen to her at all.

But it had happened,how could she forget?

How clouded was her judgement to forget the things she had lived?.All the good memories she has forgotten and all the love she denied to have for her brothers. Deep down she knows she felt unfit, ashamed,of relying so heavily on her siblings.

All her life she has been called the dumb one,irrational. No wonder she had the need to prove herself,to go above and beyond even if it hurt and burnt those around her.

Even if she had been told to ignore the stinging words. She wonders if any of her siblings saw something in her that she did not.

Strife sure as hell did.

"In other words,you have lived" he told her after her confession of how she has been all that the deadly sins stood for. Its really mind boggling how she reached this Age and only now has she lived.

--By creator,I can almost hear the 'I told you so' -- she murmured to the wind as if her siblings could hear,its tinted with shame of herself but also fondness. It wouldnt be the first time her brothers were horribly right, and the memories of those times warms up her chest.

Perhaps they could hear her,through the Bond of the vow they took when they became the horsemen. If so she wouldnt be surprised to find them snickering And trying so save face.

However,She has never used the properties of this Bond. She doesnt know how to reach out. Thats what she gets for dismissing Death's teaching- As talented as she was with magic she really had been a stubborn mule of a student.

Perhaps its desesperation that overpowers the paralysis of not knowing how to interact with this Bond.

Fury closed her eyes,holding the Nephilim's Respit tight and focusing on her breath. She slowly feels the world fall away,her heartbeat drumming in an endless blackness whilst also thundering in her ears.

Slow beats fill the void,she sees nothing but herself standing there unsure. But Still her brain is fresh with the memories of her second eldest brother,the laughter,the bickering, old and New she holds those memories to her heart and whispers...

--Hello?

Her voice echoes, grows in pitch and suddenly the empty ebony world seems so small. Her steps are soft and unsure as she walks forward, or what she thinks is forward.

No answer comes but she sees a Long Hall of Mud bricks stained with paint. She...recognized those scribbles, which makes her turn to her right to see a beaded curtain of red.

Widened eyes begin to show the realization within herself. She turns behind her to see a dining room,a rickety old sofa and a Burning fireplace. It smells of dry herbs and that Musk Death has always carried of dead leaves during misty mornings.

It all just pushes her to Keep walking,she sees then a beaded curtain of an odd,splochy Pink. She remembers now it was all hand made,and Pink pigment was hard to attain but Death had tried his damnest to give her that indulgence.

A few more steps and shes before yet another set of blinds,the one she has been looking for. Its maroon, the color easier to make with black,red and a bit of blue pigment.

She clears her throat,feeling like this whole house is bigger than she is.--...hello?-- she hugged the amulet to her chest,feeling safe with it in her grasp.

--Fury...?--Comes the voice of strife,suddenly the air smells of Gunsmoke,the scent hits and it takes her a second to recompose from whats essentially a horse's kick to the nose in smell form

Yet theres an odd ring in the tone,it started off gruff and sounding like it belonged to a grown nephilim,but then it thinned out and cracked like a teenager.

In that moment she realizes where she is. Its her old home back in...somewhere. But before her is strife's room,and if she wasnt mistaken it always looked like a tornado of messyness came over the small bedroom.

--Strife!--She called out,her voice too now childish. Uncoordinated steps make her rush past the courtains that click and clack together with each bead that flows around her face like hanging vines against a breeze.

The decor is lost on her,disorienting like overlapping memories. And the only thing that isnt a blurr is,of course,Strife.

He wears normal,rudimentary clothes. He smiles a fanged grin and says-- Hey,there you are you runt. -- but then her saddened expression registers And he asks-- why the long face?

No doubt in her mind, the female nephilim runs to him and hugs him. The amulet falls to the floor unbroken and her arms grasp him.

--Oh WOAH! Woah easy,easy...--his hands card through her hair, the motion soothing. Its been so long since she has felt the touch of her siblings. He rocks side to side to calm her--Was it those idiots again? Did they pick on you?

Fury knows this is a vivid memory,she tries to push past it by burying her head against her brother's crook of the neck. His words slowly quieten,lowering in pitch until its no longer within her hearing range.

Leaving one only sound,her heartbeat.

She must have lingered there for hours,it certainly felt like it. Was she doing this the right way? What else was she supposed to do? Did she miss a step?

Panic began to grow within her,ready to pull away to at least seek confort in the memory she had plunged herself into.

Her ears ring and suddenly her heartbeat bursts in a dry boom that leaves her deaf and only being able to feel her pulse though her shattered eardrums.

A rapid Fire thrumm that sits between her ears,a choir that only she hears amidst being deaf. Like frenzied violins that tell her to pull back,but shes unable to.

Soon she finds out why.

Within her chest another heartbeat joins,steady Like a low drum. Curiosity overshadowed Fear as she centered in that feeling.

Thats not her pulse.

Her eyes blink with surprise as things begins to click into place,followed by the smell of gunpoweer and smoke.

--Fury?--Came the voice of a very adult strife right behind her. She turns and sees his brother,armor chipped but still standing. His voice cuts through the deafening ringing,bringing her world to a steady foundation once more when she was just about ready to freak out.

Always coming to her rescue.

--Strife! Oh thank the creator!--She whipped around and hugged her brother-- why in the nine hells was it so hard to reach you?!

The gunslinger snorted,hugging back-- thats what you get for zoning out during lectures.

--Like you fared any better

He snickered--hm,fair-- His grip tightens and his voice lowers as he revels in the embrace--This thing wont last long. Lissen,im fine. Are you okay? Are the humans safe?--he sounds..not amused at this experience,perhaps he had fared better in hearing Death's teaching.

Fury nodded-- we're just fine. Im...fine..

--Y'dont sound fine.

She shrugged and melt into the hug,shoosing her brother when he tried to speak. Even if hes a little pressed about it, he understands the message shes trying to convey.

They linger as he rocks side to side within the hug. Just like he has always done when they were kids,it makes her snicker and melt into the arms and sturdy chest of her sibling.

And just like that,shes Back to her body and present time. Bone tired but with a smile on her face.

Tomorrow she would try again.

-♡-

It was a busy day,so Busy that Fury had come back exhausted and was just about ready to go to bed at 7 p.m. when she had finally been able to free herself of all the duties she had undertaken.

She all but collapses on the bed,sluggishly taking off her armor and being able to comfortably fit underneath the covers.

Her whole body feels as heavy as concrete,her muscles Burning and her eyes slowly begining to close on their own. She managed to snatch the Nephilim's Respite amulet before she fell in a hypnagogic state.

This moment was the only thing that had kept her going through today. Her hands move on her own as she noiselessly taps on the totem with the pads of her fingers,the world around her begins to fall alway and she unconciously plunges into the Abyss.

Once again she finds herself within the void,just like she did yesterday. At least now she knows how all of this works...kind of. Kind. Of.

Shes decided that shes reaching out to War tonight,was he still chained at the council's feet? Was he alright?. She knew the worry would eat her whole,and perhaps complicate this already convoluted work of magic. Had it not been for Strife yesterday,who would know what would happen to her.

A steady breath left this representation of her,devoid of armor and weaponry with only the amulet to serve as some sort of conduit and anchor.

Like she did last time,she began to walk whilst trying to remember any of her interactions with War. She expected a memory to manifest in this realm at some point, she had a few hours to spare anyway.

Worry doesnt get a grip on her,not even a few minutes into her walk. But she does grow tired as nothing has given her a signal on where to proceed.

That is,until she begins to hear childish but loud and fast approaching steps. She turns to find herself at the bank of a muddy stream,watching Strife and Death sparr on the land across the body of water.

She feels herself caked in mud and sees a simple wooden staff thrown hastily by her side. Pieces begin to click as she recognizes this memory.

By now she must be around her mid teens,she can feel her hair shorter than how she has it now. Her hands are barely scarred and her body does feel tired but theres still that youthfull unrest within her.

--Sister! Sister!--The voice of the young nephilim that was her brother makes her look behind her again.

There he stands, a hatchling nephilim of very undeveloped features. In human ages she guessed he must be around 10. After so much time, nephilim tended to lose count on how old they were.

--Hm,Yes Child?--Shes curious as to what the kid had behind his back. She tries to sneak a look but War is quick to shift his stance and prevent her from doing so.

Messy platinum hair strewn about his soft features with a rectangle shaped- Very underdeveloped fitting for the lack of years on his life span. His white eyes look up at her with something akin to expectancy.

--I...have a gift-- He said meekly.

--Ah,so is that what you have behind your back?

He nodded,his secret found out. He clears his throat and presents his sister with an unpolished gem of black,magenta and dark pinks swirling within it. Its rough in texture but she can tell theres a feline eye line in the dead center.

--The other kids were playing around in the caves-- he began, quickly adding-- And I.. I know im not supposed to play there, I know Death said its dangerous but I stayed only at the edge!--Theres an urgency to his voice,like he is telling the truth and is desperate for her to believe him--But then I saw this!--He inches the gem closer to her-- And...I knew I had to get it for you before the others saw! There were scary bats and rats but I braved through.

Fury chuckled endeared, her eyes softening and taking the gem-- we might be able to make a warrior out of you,little one. Bats and Rats are scary, and ridden with disease.

War shudered at the idea of falling ill-- Do you like it?

She inspected the dirty gem and sat on the edge of the bank,her brother following suit with an urgency to gain his sisters favor and approval.

--Well it is quite dirty,I cannot tell-- She was just messing with the kid,but she does clean off the rough stone when her words follow silence.

Now in all its Glory, the gift can be appreciated. She smiles and turns to the young nephilim-- Its beautiful, thank you.

War squeaks and hugs his sister who relents and melts into the gesture. Her face buried in his fine,platinum hair.

Her gaze drifts to the reflection in the stream,surprised to see the grown yet youthful face of war. She blinks with stupor and pulls back, she feels his brother grow exponentially and now she has to look up to meet his snowy gaze.

--What sorcery...--He began,but then fury just gave him a shrug.

--Did you also ignore Death's teachings?

The hulking red rider looked away like an embarassed child-- The works of magic are lost on me...

--Like humor?

--Are you sure youre not strife?--He bit Back with good nature. And was that a smirk on his face?--What are you...we doing here?--He turns to see the silhouettes of strife and death locked in a dance of well timed blows and parries. But theyre blurry figures of black against the evergreen forest around them.

--do you recognize this memory? -- She asked,feeling the heat of the sun on her skin even if this was all fake. She gets a nodd to her question,however-- I just...I...-- the words get stuck in her throat. She doesnt feel right talking to him after her mistreatment of him at the chamber of the Council.

War could recognize the tone and expression. She was his sister,of course he knew. And that smirk grows into a grin --could it be...you were worried about me?

Fury almost chokes on her own spit,not used to being read so easily. She coughs out a few crude choice of Words,and her sibling all but breaks into a fit of giggles.

--you flatter me,fury--he began,trying to play nice-- Youve changed...--His voice sounds warm,genuienly happy for her. Like a Real brother.

--Earth and humanity have taught me much-- the answer is short and simple,believing she has shown too Many of her softer parts-- ...are you alright?

He sighed,the inquiry clearly has a more convoluted reply to It. He doesnt know how she Will take it, and Kinder words do not find him-- I believe they mean to...send me to the Abyss.

Fury jumps from her spot beside him,she looks at her brother with wide eyes-- what?! No,no,no War... Ill go to find you i-

The youngest nephilim takes his sister's hand. His palm massive even if both belong to the same species-- Sister,I Will handle it.

--War this is the goddamn abyss!--she yelled,temperance thrown to the wind.-- Ill go find you--She insisted as her feet shifted to help her stand up.

--You must have other duties-- he insisted, his gauntlet hand- so massive and incredibly gentle- cups the back of her head-- You three have always disregarded me for being the youngest. But i implore you to listen to me,to trust me. I Will handle it.

She couldnt live with the idea of losing yet another life time companion. The grief would eat her whole.

Fury brought her brother for a hug,the instinct of an older sister knowing she cant protect her kin-Such a raw kind of pain and Despair- was tearing her appart. She almost cries if it wasnt for the way her brother cooed to calm her as he returned the embrace with careful mindfulness of his strength.

--Sister I do not know where this worry comes from,but...it is appreciated-- his tone is still urgent-- But after I return and I make those who wronged us pay,I Will find you.

War,always so sweet with his siblings. In the end thats all he ever wanted,to be loved by his kin.

--Be safe...-- she urged, still not able to restrain this Burning urgency that claws at her throat and chest. -- By creator,be safe.

His hug tightened and he nodded.--Is it too late to ask for forgiveness for almost decapitating you? -- thats his try at humor,and she plays along like she has always done with him.

--Never--She shook her head-- but that is behind us now....brother.-- she felt him smile against her shoulder,she couldnt see it but being able to sense it made it all the better.

--Im your brother now?--Smug little blight.

--...youve always have been. I was just too blind to see it-- her grip tightens and she can all but feel his stunned expression,yet he soon melts like a child in the embrace of family.

And before she knows it, shes back to her humble abode of dark wood and thatched roof. She rolled on her back,her hands still on the amulet.

--Miss fury?--Came the voice of one of the humans from the other side of the door of her home-- Its past sundown,are you alright?

--Just fine,Gabrielle. --Her voice is groggy and a little strained as she swallows the knot in her throat-- I Will be out in a moment.

--Alright,Please come by in the morning. Angie insists on having you over for breakfast.

Fury snickered-- tell the little runt ill be there. And I might just find her something interesting tonight. -- Angie reminded her of War so much,not only in appereance but her trouble seeking nature and that inherit sweetness to her. The little human might just get along with her brother.

--Very well-- the smile on Gabrielles face is audible,and the rider then proceeds to get ready. Her ears trained on the steps of the mortal growing quieter.

There was only one more sibling to check up on.

And already,she began to dread the encounter.

-♡-

Fury tried to stall the encounter for a few good days,the guilt and shame too much for her. After everything, after almost stealing his place...

How could she be so disrespectful?

The image of Lust's illusion makes her stomach churn, makes her sick. She knows now that she does not want her siblings to kneel...

Simply...she wanted to be respected,perhaps just wanted to be acknowledged. Just like War. And just as simply,she dreaded to meet her eldest brother's eyes and see reflected in them her hubris.

Death had Many faults,but he was a leader all in all. And now shes wise enough to admit that she needs guidance, because being humanity's protector was hard.

Humans...they were riddled with worries and the uncertainties of what was to come for their entire species. She knew the raw fear of survival,a part of that was why she accepted to become a horseman...aside from her loyalty to her family.

She knew that she could not handle such crisis,she felt like an arrow threaded by her own unsteady pulse. And with no-one else to turn to,shes forced to confront her fear not only for her but for humanity too.

After a bit of walking she found a spot with a bit of decayed vegetation. How bugs and maggots Fed from the dead Bark, an endless cycle of death and rebirth.

Fury sighed,sitting with her knees to her chest. She remembers when she was younger,they came across a dead carcass of a hunt Now spoiled.

She remembers being squeamish at the sight,but Death Gently nudged her forward and reached for the animal's skull.

--Its just part of life,Fury-- he commented with a voice soft,patient, almost coldly indifferent at the passing of the animal-- Hunt and hunter,life And death. Its a sacred balance, it died and we...

He uses his sword to sever the head of the animal,and kneels as he carefully begins to clean off the decayed fur. Theres a practiced ease to his movements,he cleans it off as best as he can and when hes done he presents the skull to his sister.

--Icky...-- She commented,kneeling to see the bovine skull with a mix of disgust and awe.

--Perhaps. Death Is a sight to behold-- the older nephilim Noted,understanding of the disgust but also amused-- But be keen,look-- as he talks,he points at the maggots and then Gently shooshes his sister as a flock of vultures feed on the carcass-- Its important to this world. Decay,rebirth,theyre woven together. And it can be...beautiful.

Fury tilted her head,eyes falling to the corpse. --I dont understand.

-- think of this...-- he began,scooping a Mass of worms. His sister recoils with a snarl-- They feed the vultures alongside this cow. We eat this Cow, just like it Ate of the Grass. Its Decay feeds the earth and the cycle begins anew. Just because you dont understand it, it doesnt mean its not important.

He lets go of the Mass of maggots who burrow underneath. He cleans his hands and grabs the skull,to then help his sister up.

--So..the Earth feeds itself, thats it?--The eldest nodded-- I dont see the Beauty in it.

Death snorted-- Beauty comes in Many ways,Child. Like this skull, I believe War Will like it.

--I dont like it

--And just because you do not,it doesnt mean War wont like it either. Perhaps youll find Beauty in this cycle from a different lense-- He offered his hand-- Come now.

And young fury took it as shes guided deeper into the forest for foraging. Trusting of her brother's words.

In time she did find Beauty in death,mainly for the association to her eldest brother. Seeing Decay and blight always made her feel that her brother was close, that she wasnt alone. that her once guiding light, was always showing her the way even if he wasnt physically there.

She centers in that, and that memory just now. She can already feel the crunching of leaves and her steps across the field. Its only noise and touch,still dark as only the void could be.

The more she walks,the more she expected to turn and see her brother holding a bovine skull tucked between his arm and ribs,but nothing ever did appear.

It wasnt time to freak out, why would she? It took her a long time to find strife perhaps death is much the same. He was the oldest after all and perhaps magic wouldnt behave the way it was supposed to- she knew Many things could mess with such powers.

But a solid hour went by and nothing appeared,and to worsen the fear she began to feel the Grass give way to hard cobblestone and everything she could hear was only whistling wind that choired like souls in sheer lament.

Death was...death, perhaps thats what caused the sudden change,surely she was growing closer to him by that logic- or so Fury told herself just so panic and frenzy didnt take hold of her.

--Playing hard to get?--She asked to the void,looking around into an emptyness so consuming, so endless that it swallowed her sight with no sense of depth-- You old bag of bones,do me the courtesy of meeting me half way.

Her voice carried no bite,her teasing smile unstably quivering and teethering the line between faux calmness and mania.

--Youre even hiding Dust from me,are you?--She kept going,trying to believe her own lie that she wasnt completely alone.-- Dust! Come here! I May just have seeds for you.

But not even the cawing of crows met her ears.

Its such a deafening silence,even her meek and fearful steps startle her every time she hears them,she didnt understand where the cobblestone path came from..an overlapping memory?

Whatever the answer it all ended un the same thing: Fury,terrible engine of rage and rider of the black horse,felt herself beaten by fear.

Was there a way to brute force this? That was her first instinct. Could she pull her brother by the ear and yank him down to meet her here in this realm?

Death more than anyone should be able to fully sense her reaching out.

--This isnt funny anymore,brother!-- She began,the nickname so foreign as she began to run towards what she believed to be forward. Her heels echo on a stone floor she cannot see and each frenzied step she takes terrifies her more and more.

Brother.

When was the last time shes genuinely called him that?

--Brother!-- she called out again,voice wavering-- Death where in Oblivion are you?!

She must have ran for hours,until her legs quiver and falls. Overcome by worry and grief she screams,ripping her throat and clawing at the black floor that has no depth and is nauseating to stare at.

Were those tears falling? Her face felt so warm,she felt so lost.

No guiding light.

No knight to come to her rescue.

Curled in a ball she sniffs loudly and cries,perhaps her tears pool on the ground or they dont. She can see anything, she can only hear her heaving sobs filled with mucus and gasping breath that grates her throat into fine sand.

Her brother would not be so cruel.

She knew him.

But she couldnt find him,not in this place.

--Where are you...?-- she asked,a voice barely audible. She has never felt so defenseless even with her armor on, just like a child lost in the forest.

And all the while the cobblestone floor texture taunted her,only then does she recognizes the choir,the whistling of the wind she had forgotten about in her fear.

She needed an anchor,something to calm her before she can try to pull away from this place. "Be keen" the rider told herself,as ever so slowly the whistling became singing and moaning of souls.

And then...blue light,it lights up her path. She looks up,made a mess of tangled hair and reddened face.

Large is the arch a few feet away her,she doesnt understand what is going on. She Begged for death to show,and only souls heeded her call.

One final glimmer of insight comes to her, souls answering the call of the reaper. She always found Death's description of his role as flamboyant theatrics,but by now she Will take whatever this place gives her.

Still,her walk is uneven and stumbling. Her breath burns her lungs with her throat scratched deeply by her despair,and yet one step and then another she approaches the arch.

Her trail marked by something that gives her some calm. Crow feathers,guiding her like a mournful path of breadcrumbs past whats behind the carved stone looming over her.

Blue light wraps around a circle platform,shes puzzled that the trail ends at the very end of whatever this was.

--Death...?--The name sparks a surge of pure energy that breathes overwhelming life into her and just as quickly takes it away, euphoric and disorienting. With it comes the flash of blue and she begins to see skull phantoms began to float in and out from the blue gossamer sheen.

She follows the path to the end,unsure of what else to do. She looks past the low wall and into the center of the light, she finds no answer and pulls back.

Theres a pulse in the air now that shes close to this source of power,she recognizes the slowness of it. Only one person she knows has a resting heart rate of 40.

Perhaps this is just a stupid prank, and she really doesnt like it.

In her disdain she pulls back,only to knock down something that clatters to the ground making a sound like bone on rock. It only puzzles the rider,and as she looks down at the object all breath is pulled from her.

That stupid,Freaky bone mask of her brother laid on the ground.

She picks it up with shaking hands and asks--Where...where are you.-- She asked,no answer given-- Where are you?!-- she screamed,her fear pulsing through the Bond across this realm. The place swells up at the sheer energy she displays-- Death! Come here right now!

Her voice like a fearful Bark,she Holds the mask to her chest fearing the worst. The whistling of souls still in her ears, coming and going in a cycle.

A cycle.

--Oh,no...-- fury's tone shakes with realization. Finally the place shes in makes sense.

This is a Well of Souls.

And by all indicators...her brother was dead.

What a horrible thing to understand. How could this happen doesnt matter now. Fury gives up her fight and collapses to the ground, slowly Losing her mind to her grief.

She expected to hit the ground roughly,but the impact never comes. She feels cold as strong arms hold her up,and though she cant see through her tears she hugs whatever is gripping her.

Theres no words,nothing to say other than-- Im sorry,im so sorry. Please dont be gone,please dont be gone.

--Im not gone,child-- the voice of death himself is devoid of any teasing bite or sardonic grit. He settles his sister on the floor and hugs her with a gentleness so unbecoming of him.

--...why didnt you answer-- she can barely talk from how hurt her throat is.

--Its hard to hear,among the dead.

--Why...why are you dead?! What happened...!

--To ressurect humanity...I had to make a sacrifice. -- he cooed,gently stroking her hair.

--Nothing Is worth more than your life...

The old reaper sighed,hugging his dear kin tight-- I hoped for humanity's rebirth to be the freedom of War.

She scoffed bitterly and began to tell him about what she spoke with War,what happened to humanity and how theres only few survivors now. Death seemed to...deinflate at the news,but not all was lost.

Afraid,meek and feeling too weak to fight her pride she says--I dont want to lose any more people I care about--And just like a child,she asks-- Will I see you again?

Death nodded-- Surely. Life is a cycle. And i do believe our work is not done.

Fury sighed and cuddled closer-- Im sorry,im so sorry for everything Ive done to you...

He could never hold a grudge towards his siblings. He shakes his head and closes his eyes,his face pressed on the side of her skull.

--nobody knows your fury more than me,there is no ill Will I could hold to you. Youre still my sister.

--But ive been awful to you

Even in his untimely demise,Death had to fight the fear of vulnerability--my love for you three is unconditional.

Life hasnt been easy,and neither of the four have made the best of desicions. But still they prevailed,and so did their Bond.

The pale rider pulls away to wipe the tears of his sister,humming under his breath a gentle lullaby to sooth her. She slowly evens out her breath and when calm returns, her brother pulls back her hair with his spindly fingers and says.

--Youve grown much,sister.--Was that pride in his voice and face?

Only now she realizes,thats his actual face. Its been so long since shes seen it.

--I...couldnt fight it.-- she admitted --But...I did try.

A warm chuckle left the eldest-- I'd be worried if you didnt. -- he rests on his knees and goes to pull back a strand of wine red hair that got into his sister's mouth-- Its not easy being a leader. But surely youll find your way.

She snorted-- Since when are you so...soft?

The world makes him snarl-- Rid it of your mind. --He began,looking away at the ground-- looks like we have both grown. There Is much I must make up for.

Fury was in no mood to fight-- I dont know...anything. I dont know how to handle the human's fears and worries. I just...

--You dont understand? -- Its like hes recalling that same memory she did before all this. He sounds just a little smug,good to see not all of his nature got lost.

She sighed with disdain,knowing fully well what followed-- Suppose so.

Death pulls back his hands to rest them on his lap with his usual slouch akin to a shrimp-- worry is only natural,given their state. There is no rule book for leadership,I would just advice to follow your instinct. I believe youre finally of sound judgement

--Is that supposed to be a compliment?--Fury chided.

He smirked--You ask too much of me,sister.

The she horseman pulled her brother for a hug and decided to enjoy the company before the spell ended. He seem to catch on and hug back with no fight or complaint- He missed being a brother,so here he is.

--We'll bring you back-- She promised under her breath.

--We'll see eachother again-- His voice is so certain, it calms her and gives her a fixed point as she begins to lose the sensation of his touch and the world around her.

She now sees the sunset embracing this realm, she holds nothing but air but the smell of dead leaves and humidity cling to her. A final gift.

--At least you finally get some rest-- she commented towards the decayed tree,noting that within the trunk lays a single bird skull with feathers still clinging to it.

Fury grabs it and carefully cleans it on her way back to the human village. Her eyes are puffy from crying but she breathes in and out,she has had enough for today.

Eventually she reaches the human settlement and greets the mortals who dont comment on her tired appereance. Yet she does make a stop to hand the skull to little Angie,who acts a bit disgusted but intrigued.

--Why give me this?-- Asked the child.

--My brother taught me something, little one-- she kneeled to eye level-- The world is very scary for all of Us now. But your kin Will rise again. Just like after winter comes spring. -- she felt so silly saying it but nevertheless she does-- Its a cycle. Right now you feel scared and unsure,but you Will find your place here. All of you Will

Angie's face was a clear sign that the cogs in her head were turning-- I.. think I get it. Uhm thanks miss fury-- the child smiled brightly,warm as the Fire of the rider's youngest sibling-- Uhm..stay for dinner?

Fury's eyes met the gaze of Gabrielle who nodded reassuringly. She then returns to the girl and picks her up-- Very well. -- as they walk she begins to humm a tune,a single lullaby for herself.

The child she holds perks up-- You know it too?--The rider looked at her puzzled-- Jones sung it to me once,made me Real sleepy.

Priceless was the face the she-horseman made,taking just a split second to guess the circumstances that brought this kid to know such an old tune. She chuckles and shakes her head dismissively--Funny. My brother sung it to me,too.

Angie smiled-- Is he as sweet as Jones is?

Fury tapped on the amulet absentmindedly and looked past the window of the kitchen where a family was playing. She knew their story,an eldest brother in charge of taking care of his siblings with no guide other than his heart and witt. Much like Death when he was given the role of care taker.

With a chuckle she answered-- Even sweeter. He can be a bit of a handful sometimes-- she rolled her eyes as she recalled Death's and Strife's dramatic appereances-- Both of them actually, Sooo dramatic.

The child snickered--Jones told me I remind him of his youngest brother...William was his name?

Fury has to hold back a snort. 'William? Really?" She thought-- Hm,you remind me of my youngest brother too. In looks and demeanor. You little trouble maker-- she sets down the kid and ruffles her hair who giggles at the interaction And tries to stop the nephilim from messing with her fine locks.

The black rider knew her journey was far from done,and eventually she Will reunite with her siblings. But until then, she is not as alone as she thinks she is.

She has a family waiting for her here,and beyond all these realms. After all they were just a heartbeat away.

[neshai-esper]

What would you do if you'd find yourself in van helsing daddy's factory and getting caught later on?

Not sure what was your expectation from me, as a member of the "I'm wet for Karl Heisenberg" camp, but the first things what are came into my mind had nothing to do with horny/NSFW 🔞 things, for some reasons. (EDIT: Ok it ended up being a Karl Heisenberg short-analysis)

Yes-yes, I know... I should probably drop myself on the knees before him, embracing his thighs tightly, rubbing and scratching his more sensitive inner thigh to stimulate his senses and awake his desire, and with obsessed, pleading and desperate gaze, begging for him to "release the beast", to let his pants off from his belt's rough grip, since my blazing lips and wet, restless tongue can't find it's place in existence (what the fuck am I actually doing?💦 I'm not supposed a +18 fanfic writer) but... but nothing like this.

The plot would be quite important, and the details. Knowing myself, I'd do my best to observe not only the environment (which would also tell a lot about Heisenberg himself), but Karl too. His behaviour, his personality, his smallest movements; so I can make my own movements.

Is he ruthless? - More likely. His life was ruthless, and this past have taught him that for the sake of survival and freedom, he must be ruthless too. He definitely have a serious priority, and he obviously put himself at the top. He had no one else in his life for him, than himself.

Is he power-hungry? - It was never a question. He had to face with the painful truth that how much damage power can cause, and how much inpact it can put on living beings. The strong will feed on the weak. He have the abilities, the intelligence to be better, stronger, in every way, and he is just fucking proud of himself, but he also knows that there are no limits, and that "being satisfied with anything" wont motivates you to push and grow further. His first milestone would be obviously when he manages to destroy that fucking bitch, Miranda.

Is he a narcissistic person? - It is quite obvious. These kind of people can be very charming, charismatic, and his intelligence, his will can make him more dangerous. Yes, he is still a victim, and I think that he sees himself in the same way, even if he tend to act like the "Showman", the Master of the circus floor, the head of the scene, who rules over everything around him - ironically, he just can't control his emotions, which makes it obvious that he have serious struggle inside.

I could talk about him a LOT (and boy, I didn't even play the game yet, to observe him more better), but I think we can safely say that these are already indicates the fact that he would push me hard to make me feel his "superiority", his many "advantages" in strenght and mind, knowledge, and he'd be obsessed with controling me. Ordering me what to do, how to do, and he'd be pretty much hard to satisfy when things come to performance/achievement, results and work.

II WHY AM I TELLING THIS? It's because I'd try to do my best to support him after I hopefully managed to understand and get know his situaton and himself, despite that it can be quite dangerous for me to trust in him (he'd probably feel that I don't have full trust in him), and that he could use me ANY fucking time/and in way as a tool, which can be discarded as a junk, if needed. I would safely say that at the beginning,

I'd be nothing more but a tool for him, ast most of us - let me blow away the pink cloud over your heads, sweeties -.

I mean this support in different ways. Knowing myself:

I'd do my best to learn technical stuffs both in in practice and theory, to become a better assistant, if needed, even increasing my physical strenght and stamina to become better and more useful

I'd try to be "his eye" and "ear" too, telling to him everything I hear, see or figure out - even if it requires a certain level of trust from his side.

I'd help to get / find new "victims" for his upcoming "masterpieces", which may sound cruel, but if I'd be in this situation, I'd be also trapped there - and yes, I'm a huge-enough asshole to do such a things if needed - so there would be no place from my side to be "understanding" or overly sensitive neither

I'd be his emotional support in many ways. Be a parter whom he can talk - despite that he obviously don't like to get into deep, emotional convos because of his traumas and mindset, but usually this isn't impossible that the "victim" actually want to talk about his problems, simply just can't find a person whom he can actually trust enough to do so - , someone who try to make him laugh, cause him happy moments (I'm quite toxic person, cinical and a real bwitch, so this should mean even more fun, right?), being a "partner" in his dirty games, whatever it actually means (*sigh* you are so... pathetic!), or being an emotional punchbag - he'd usually find out when he gets too far, and since he knows how does it feel like being alone, having nightmares and Earthly terror, he'd obviously try his best to "fix" those things he cause because of his uncontrollable outbursts; in his OWN way of course.

So yes, all I want is to understand him, and learn how to give him happy, warm moments, the sense of safety and release, and company, but also, trust. Since he have no one whom he could actually trust.

[afaimscorner]

So I joined AO3 and regret it already....

Why do all you guys love AO3 so much?

I mean, it is great for readers, but as soon as I got an account there and dared to post my current fic there as well, I got my second ever Flame. And I have been writing Fanfics longer than many of you are probably alive, I have to add.

The first one I got ages, ago from someone who had cleary never read the fic, but just the summary and made assumptions about something happening there, that was not happening, so I just laughed at it, because it said more about the Flamer than me or my fic.

But this one I got from someone, who - I don’t know-  started name-calling me because I dared to use a certain tag but in their mind did not live up to it. (This person had only read half of the already existing chapters and the fic is not finished. I am not sure why this person went through the trouble to translate my fic into English, then appereantly only read the parts, in which the names they were looking for were in, and ignored all the dozens of other tags, the fat archive warnings, as well as everything else that was happening in this fic before, and then complained about someone being dead, who was only missing and presumed dead at this point, and who I was actually planning to bring back at a later point, because guess what I did put that tag there for a reason!)

But now I am not only tempted to not bring this person back in the game, but to also not finish the fic at all, because it is a very emotional draining fic, based on a beloved tragic masterpiece that I don’t feel I can ever do justice in my version,  that I am writing while I have a lot of stuff going in in my daily life and while my PC is I doing I don’t even know what probably dying, and on the two other sides I am posting it on the people at least have the decency to  ignore it or you know look at up the title and read my writer’s notes to know what they are in for and then don’t read it).

And yes, I did report that as “Maybe Abuse” and did ask if being called a sick son of a bitch is Abuse for AO3, but maybe that is the tone over there and totally okay, given that the person did write me this while using their fucking User-Name. I mean, maybe it was not meant like that, but where I come from this is something that should get you a warning at least.

But AO3 has a bad rep in some circles, and I thought it was because of all the gay and adult stuff, but maybe it is because there are so many assholes there and this behaviour is normal?

Anyway, getting an account there only made me consider giving up writing Fanfics all together. (And no it wouldn’t bother me that much if it wouldn’t have happend in my second week there and came from my second reader who bothers to comment!!). Because I am sure there are tons of people stuff like this does not happen to, but I happens to me all the time.

It’s like tumblr. I have a post that get like 2 Notes, but someone takes their time to tell me how wrong I am. I mean, I should have seen this coming, it is the same people there and here after all.....

Also why does everyone always assume I am male from my username(s). Afaim comes from Mafia and was name for a Mob Boss Character in a Fanfiction my friends and I invented, when I first started out writing fics. Back then in Ancient Time Fandom was very much a female thing, which is why I almost always assume the other person is female unless I actually know better (or can tell from the stuff they are writing, and yes, you can totally tell, more on Social Media then of Fanfic Pages though), but yeah, I don’t refer to them as  female in their faces if I am not sure about it either, which is also something that bothers me because I am ancient, because back then we never called them either if we didn’t know for sure, because we were - shocker!- polite. And with Non-Binary know being accepted on forms even, I would have thought people would even be more careful instead of less with the words they are throwing around online, but appearantly ... no.

Because honestly, if you want to insult me, call me a bitch, a cow, or anything other female, otherwise you just prove to me you were raised in a barn, which makes me sad for the state of the world on the top of being hurt by the insult.

[mrskurono]

the amount of sub reader writers and fanfic in this fucking world is too much and seeing people requesting sub reader fic on a dom reader blogs is so fucking annoying. like what tf they want? there's thousands of sub reader fic out there, instead of requesting one on a dom reader blog why wouldnt they take that fucking time to go through the sub reader tag? i've seen like a lot of people like that and i makes me fucking mad. sorry cuz i've seen you handling a lot of people like that.

also, shigaraki is a whole ass baby like he literally deserve all the love. and his back story legit makes me wanna cry😭 i wanna spoil him so much and tell him how much i love him. let him know he's precious and everyone want to protect and love him😔

I genuinely believe people are that stupid. That their knowledge of vocabulary is so limited that if its not the same like three words (daddy, bitch and probably slut) then they don't know what they mean. That people are so incredibly infantized now a days that they cannot even understand the process to Google the definition of words they may not know. Words don't mean anything. Sentences are incomprehensible to them and they simply can't understand the use of verbs or adjectives or nouns or any of it. Unless they read the same regurgitated sentence in every sub!reader fic in the world then these people purely do not understand. They're so incredibly stupid that the idea that something other than what they want is crippling and anxiety inducing. They lack any reading comprehension. Or understanding or empathy or general human emotions. Bc what should be their brain is the smoothest fucking excuse of an organ the world has ever seen. There's no grooves. There's no neural pathways. There is nothing. Each and every one of these people would be a medical mystery on how they were even able to be potty trained. The fact that their brain stem regulates breathing is the only thing saving these people. What should be critical thinking, human engagement and other common things we experience as toddlers, simply ceased to exist in them. They are smooth brained zombies that even, in reality, have less thinking skills than the living dead bc how these people even know how to eat is beyond me.

Also, I love Shigaraki too 🥺 I've pretty much loved him from day one and then getting his backstory and everything like- Yes most of the villains are tragic (that's what makes a villain) But there is something so heart wrenching about Shigaraki. How absolutely hopeful and wonderful he really was. And just realizing how long it took AFO to strip that from him is enough to make anyone cry ;;--;; I knew he was never gonna have a happy ending but god still it hurts that no one could save him when he was still savable T^T

[mollymarymarie]

hi there i was wondering how did you get into writing? were you always a kid who liked writing or did you grow into it as you grew up?

ps. do u have any tips on how to write better for school purposes

oh gosh, hi friend! this is a QUESTION. i am definitely going to be wordy on this ask, too, so forgive me in advance. i love telling stories and i am also a narcissist, so i love telling stories about me.

i got into writing because i loved reading. as a kid, i would CONSTANTLY fall asleep reading books. i have an uncle who was an author and we always connected (even as i got older, he liked Harry Potter, he liked Futurama, he liked the NERDY KID stuff i liked). when i was nine-ish, i distinctly remember writing a short story about a kid and his dog on this ancient program on my mom's computer and printed it out ON A DOT MATRIX PRINTER (that's how old I am) so that I could show it to my uncle because i wanted to write like him.

BUT i didn't get into fanfic until i was fifteen or sixteen (this is a whole story and i'm proud of it so get ready). i was IN LOVE with the Lord of the Rings movies - knew all the cast members birthdays, could quote all the behind the scenes (I can still quote Galadriel's intro on the Extended Edition Fellowship). because of this, I was a member of a Dominic Monaghan fansite. the girls on this site wrote collective fanfic on the message boards. each girl would add their own chapters (one girl was obsessed with the band HIM and I picked up that obsession, still feel so nostalgic listening to Sweet Pandemonium, remembering how dial-up internet loaded Ville Valo's voice one note at a time and i was FUCKING SMITTEN friend).

i decided i wanted to do that. i started a fanfic (literally feel free to throw things at me) about JOHN MAYER and it was totally a self-insert fic with me and my friends as OCs. As my obsessions changed, so did the love interests (i ended up with Benji from Good Charlotte) and the whole thing was like a BAD SOAP OPERA

i continued writing stories about girls dating the boys in the bands I listened to. One about Sebastian LeFebvre from Simple Plan, one about Adam Lazzara from Taking Back Sunday, one about Tony Lovato from Mest. All with my own OCs (less self-insert now)

when i got married (at nineteen by the way, don't necessarily recommend it but it's sort of normal to do that in the south, plus he was my best friend from high school, and anyway we're still married thirteen years later), i stopped writing fic because i thought it was "childish" and because i was writing about boys i had crushes on and i thought it was ... idk disrespectful to my husband to have a crush on anyone else but him (i still have a crush on him, but i can also simultaneously have a crush on dev patel okay), so i moved to fiction. I completed my own novel in a few years but never published it.

THEN ALL HECK BROKE LOOSE WHEN THE AVENGERS MOVIE CAME OUT. I wrote a Loki fanfic (never finished, never published). but i realized writing about fictional characters was WAY more satisfying (and made me feel less creepy) than writing for actual human beings, so I started writing for Marvel characters (mostly just Bucky, which then became Stucky)

at this point, i had never read harry potter (i went to private school, they taught us it would turn us into satanists and it was banned lol), so when i became an adult, i was like I'M GONNA FUCKING WATCH HARRY POTTER YOU DUMB BITCHES (i have a lot of religious trauma because of my school so this was a big fuck you to them). I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS DAMN STORY. i went in knowing who would die, but not when. And when Sirius died RIGHT AFTER SAYING TO HARRY "Good one, James!" I CRIIIIIED

anyway, around then, i found Ao3, had posted some Bucky fics, was reading a lot of other HP fics and stumbled across Wolfstar. at first, it was WHAT REMUS AND SIRIUS??? BUT DIDN'T REMUS MARRY TONKS??? but i read one. and then another. and then another. and read the books and rewatched the movies and thought WOW WHAT THE FUCK THOSE TWO DUDES OBVIOUSLY LOVE EACH OTHER

anyway, here we are, 28 wolfstar fics later because i discovered that i could keep writing stories about these same two dudes in different ways and different situations and different lives, and i also found a community of friends who are super supportive and equally as talented in writing those same two dudes (and their friends).

the only tips i have for writing better is just KEEP DOING IT. even if you think you have no talent (i certainly didn't, my first fics were HOT GARBAGE), even if you think other people write better than you (there will always be talented people out there who you compare yourself to, i still do this). AND WRITE FOR YOURSELF. i've said this so many times, but write the way YOU want, write in the style YOU want to read, write the stories YOU want to read. technically speaking, I'm probably NOT a good writer, but i like my stories. And there will always be other people who like your stories, too.

AND READ. read all the fanfic you want. take note of the styles you like, the authors you like, the plots you like, the twists you like. and WHY you like those things. figure out why that sentence hit you in your gut so hard, why this fic made you cry, why that character makes you angry. conveying emotion is what makes stories powerful.

And find your niche. find the thing you WANT to write for, and write for it. i don't give a shit if it's a Rick and Morty crossover with Powerpuff Girls. you do you. for example, my first fic was mostly canon-compliant but i MUCH prefer AUs now because i can write these characters in whatever way suits my story.

p.s. i knew i was gonna get wordy i'm so sorrryyyyyyy

p.s.s (or is it p.p.s??) i'm happy to talk one on one about this stuff! though i'm probably far from the best teacher, i am a good listener!

[angelmichelangelo]

i’m about five years too late and nobody asked for this except me and i need to just get this out of my brain because it’s 2am so here’s a list of things i wish happened on glee that didn’t HERE WE GO:

- new directions being actual teenagers. just them hanging out. going to group sleepovers. giant study sessions (because school exists in this universe?) like remember in tpp when they were eating lunch together ? that’s what i wanted MORE of. just them being actual friends. a sleepover episode is all i wanted imagine all the abba songs we could have gained from that episode

- a halloween themed episode. the closest to this that we got was the ‘thriller/heads will roll’ mashup which YES was iconic but im greedy and it’s not enough. my idea for a halloween episode is that the gang gets trapped inside the school after staying behind to idk rehearse? or something? and then things get progressively worse as they start to go a little mad, thinking the school is haunted and they split up into pairs trying to find an escape and they think they’re seeing ghosts/someone lurking around the school and they’re getting real spooked but it turns out it’s just sue fucking with them lmao

- kurt and finn being brothers. THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE and sadly after furt we are left with crumbs. why ?? WHY?? little moments like finn saying that he’s driving back home with kurt or them saying they can’t do something because they have a family thing would have been good enough. more scenes of them hanging out in their home with their parents would have been *chefs kiss* but alas. it never happened because glee writers are bastards

- based off my last point: sam actually living at the hudson-hummel house because he actually did live there? but nothing is ever said like what’s the dynamic there why weren’t kurt and sam and finn close if they all lived together for what? like a year? was sam living in the mf shed? did he ever get close to carole and burt?? where tf did he live when everyone went off to college did he just stay in their house lol who knows not me LMAO

- blaine dealing with his trauma ? mental health was never dealt with very well on this show. emma’s ocd was just ignored after she got married or whatever and blaine mentioned his trauma once and then it was ignored until it was mentioned in passing a few seasons later and even he just brushed it off and it was never brought up again like wtf. i have no idea how they wrote a whole episode about hate crime in bash and they never once thought to have blaine and kurt have a single conversation together, let alone a conversation about how they’d both been victims of a hate crime. AND THE ONLY TIME BLAINE DOES MENTION IT IS IN TESTED WHERE ITS JUST USED AS A REASON FOR THEM TO FIGHT AAAAAAAA no wait im calm it’s okay. i just would have liked to have seen kurt and blaine have an emotional moment together in that episode that didn’t include blaine singing and kurt being knocked tf out. just sayin.

- kurt dealing with HIS trauma !! again, glee gets bad points for talking about mental health and it just is crazy that they had so much potential with kurt, ie: depression, anxiety, ocd (kinda?) his bullying, being literally assaulted (i see u ryan murphy taking that whole plot line so loosely mmhm) and then shoehorning in the fact that he was suicidal AT THE SECOND TO LAST EPISODE when they had a whole episode about suicide and they could have mentioned it at any time but ofc they didn’t because the writers just wanted to shove in as much as they could in the flashback episode AYE AYE AYE the potential!!!! oof.

- literally just more tina. jenna ushkowitz is a fantastic actor/singer/preformer and she was criminally underused. i like the episode props because of two reasons: one. everyone switching characters was amazing. and two. some actual tina scenes. even if she.. technically was rachel but also herself or something? either way. i digress

- this is just in general but MORE ABBA AND ALSO THE CARPENTERS and also some sound of music songs would have worked GREAT but they already had like a million songs and as the show progressed they veered away from old songs and more towards popular songs at the time to help chart numbers blah blah blah whatever it’s cool. but also how did they only do a few abba songs that is criminal

- a more fleshed out ending that wasn’t so rushed. like rachel won a tony and everyone else is just? there? why is sam at mr shue’s house ??? how did artie get up the stairs? did quinn graduate from yale? and where tf was kurt and blaine’s child during ‘i lived’ because burt and carole are vibing in the audience and rachel isn’t pregnant so like? is the baby just?? alone somewhere in the wings?! lmao where are u bby girl!! but once again i know they didn’t have the time to do it so idk it’s fine what they did it just sucks we didn’t get more! but again. fanfic exists so yah im all good

- more of blaine’s mum. or mom, in this case i guess. why cast gina gershon and then give her ONE line like ? ik there was a whole deleted script that explained why she was there but i love that up until that point blaine seemed like he genuinely murdered his parents, lived in their big house all alone and when people got suspicious he just told them that they were “out of town” :) either way pam is great i love her and i wish she had more to do in the one episode she was ever in. not even a moment with blaine?? wasted.

- more of cooper anderson, matt boomer is so fucking funny everytime i think of the emotion tornado i bust a lung laughing like it’s so fucking stupid but oh my good i love it. (and if you haven’t watched the special feature of cooper’s transformers audition tape please please watch it because it’s just so funny.) ik he was just a special guest but i wish they got him back for at least the wedding ep but guess my mans was just busy. boo ;(

- going back a couple of points, i wish they’d done a whole episode like props. every actor here just shines when they’re impersonating each other. finn and puck as kurt and blaine is beautiful and quinn and sugar is incredible. also idk why they refused kevin the right to wear the cheerios skirt; they could have put a little more effort into some characters but that’s glee for ya lmao but yeah. a whole episode like that would have been so much fun

- they should have let chris colfer write more episodes. purely for the fact that he wrote with his own bare hands the whole scene where lea michelle’s character gets dragged down a road by dogs. this guy. it’s a shame he only got to write one since he actually did a really good job! i would have loved to have seen what other episode ideas he had :)

- glee in the summer! obviously it only was centred around the school year but after season 3 who honestly gave a shit about the glee club and mckinley lmao i wanna see them in SHORT SHORTS and POOL PARTIES but nope we just got september - june so like rip all my hopes and dreams

- WHAT HAPPENED TO DALTON? bitch just burst into flames ?? and for WHAT?? oh yeah plot convenience smh this is so sad i wish they’d either written something better than “we need the warblers to team up with new directions so uhhh the school burnt down” like. it’s a private school. if the school is gone and they’re just staying at mckinley what are the parents paying for? they’re just cool with sending their kids off to public school now? every adult in this universe has been murdered by these kids, haven’t they? they’re just doing whatever they want jfc

- a wedding was a good episode. ish. and yknow, huge kudos to them because gay marriage wasn’t legal in the us at the time so im less harsh on the fact that they definitely threw up the rainbow flags and made it less about the characters getting married and more so “we have gay characters and look they’re getting married what a concept” but i do wish we could have gotten some more married!klaine since they don’t really have much to do after this understandably but a little moment alone together after the wedding would have been nice :) IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IM TELLING YOU

- get rid of the hummelberry friendship and send mercedes to new york instead. i have nothing else to add to this other than the fact that i mourn the fact that kurt and mercedes went from bffs to just. school mates. this is tragic this is traaaaagic !! and all for more of the rachel berry show smh

- every day i wonder what was going through carmen tibideaux mind when she watched the kurt hummel preform not the boy next door and was like :) and then watched rachel berry have a breakdown on stage and then proceeded to give rachel the spot at nyada and kurt gets payed literal dust. and THEN she had the nerve to tell him it was because his performance had no heart. AND HOW DID ADAM GET IN THIS BABY GOT BACK MOTHERFUCKER?! nyada is a circus school oh my god !!!!! kurt deserved better im telling yall he deserved so much better

there’s so much more i could rant about but im going insane im so tired and i need psychological help after watching glee so im gonna leave it here and say peace out homies it’s been fun but i need to sleep so bad

[eddielala]

Okay, I won’t sleep.

Here’s my goddamn summary and explanation of the meta. Because I have to say it.

1. They cut the ‘I love you’ scene . You know why? It was a hint that this episode won’t be about them.

2. We don’t know how long Dean was in the bunker and cried. We do know he didn’t pick up the phone the first time Sam called.

3. Dean arrives with the Impala. You can see he’s broken. And I really mean fucking goddamn broken. Jensen acted it very well and in character. He looks to the ground, he tries not to cry, his eyes flutter. He doesn’t realize what Jack and Sam are saying, you literally can see him thinking. Cas told him he loves him and died, that’s not easy to handle. Not for Dean, who’s still unsure about his sexuality.

4. “He saved me”. Well, he didn’t say ‘he loves me’. But ‘he saved me’ is the exact same thing for Dean, because he’s the man who doesn’t deserve to be saved. Saving him was Cas’ love confession and with telling Sam and Jack about it, he said ‘he loves me’. And come on, Dean talking about feelings would be out of character. We see a drunk Dean sleeping between beer bottles, that’s enough.

5. The dog is Cas. Not in person, but it’s kind of an incarnation. The angel with the puppy eyes, loyal, brave. Dean sees Cas in it and that’s the reason he falls in love with ‘Miracle’. He dies because of god and the moment of joy is over. Btw in the end you can see the dog again. Sooo, maybe Cas is on his way?

6. Adam is dead. It was only Michael and Adams body. And after Michael is killed Adam is gone forever. Maybe it’s a message because the fans always made fun that the writers and the boys forgot their brother. Now he’s gone.

7. The Cas call scene. You can see the desperate in Deans eyes. I already saw some posts about it and they were on point. The moment of hope in Deans eyes when he hears Cas’ voice, he jumps off and runs upstairs. That’s love btw. He wants so bad that it’s Cas, even he knows it’s nearly impossible.

8. Lucifers comeback. Maybe fan service? Mark was a brillant Lucifer. And we have the situation of the archenemies again: Lucifer and Michael, both with daddy issues. One last fight. And, surprise, Luci dies. The “good” one wins. Luci is now in the empty again... isn’t he? But I think his death is permanently. They wanted to solve the problem with the whole ‘in SPN nobody stays dead’ thing. But dunno, I didn’t look up the cast for next week’s episode.

9. The reaper. Well, I was in shock when she showed up. I really thought it’s Cas in a female vessel but it was just a reaper. Luci kills her, here’s new death. Well, they needed someone to open up the goddamn book. Wasn’t very exciting. And she was dead as fast as she was alive. I think the writers didn’t know how to open up the book otherwise.

10. The plan. What a rush. And how could god not know it? He’s omniscient? Hm... well, I think the most important scene was the one when Dean asks god to bring Cas back. The anger in his eyes, mixed with desperation. He would kill his brother, but Cas has to live. That’s character development, you can’t tell me otherwise. And that’s also plot development.

11. Michael’s death. Kill off and gone. Well, I think they had to get rid of him. But he died through the hands of his loved father. Could be a hint that daddy issues have to be solved and shows that Chuck is a goddamn son of a bitch.

12. Jack. Oh, he’s an adult now! I think it was the best what could happen to our baby. He always felt not strong enough and now he’s god. That’s a promotion! It was a good decision: Jack was not controlled by his feelings - sure he had bad days, but his wisdom was greater than god’s actually. The reason is that he’s half an angel. And he’s half an human. God made the angels the image and likeness of himself but he wasn’t satisfied by the result. So he created humanity the same way. Jack is a combination out of god’s objective, destructive side and god’s loving, emotional side. And both sides were always in balance, and that’s the reason he could be a energy - how did they call it - sucking hole without getting destroyed by gods and Amaras power. Because these powers need balance and Jack could give it to them.

13. God. God’s an asshole. And we know he represents the writers of Supernatural. When Chuck beats the shit out of Dean and Sam it’s actually a message: The writers harmed them so many times, the whole series is a fucking drama. It represents how they dealt with them, they send them to hell and back so many times. They tortured them, broke their hearts. That’s the last time the writers harm them so much. Because they - Chuck - looses his powers. Dean and Sam take over the situation. Dean and Sam represented and influenced by Jensen and Jared. And by the fans. The writers aren’t able to change them anymore. They are what we want them to be. Because they don’t have the power anymore.

14. The book. We see the white pages of the book. God can’t see what’s written there. The pages are blank. This means the writers are finished. They don’t have something to say anymore. The story got told and there’s nothing what follows. The pages are white and ready for stories from other people. Fanfics, fanarts, and so on. Chuck, the writers, tell us there’s nothing left to say. It’s over.

15. Dean doesn’t kill god. Chuck provokes Dean to kill him and Dean says to him, that’s not who he is. You remember Cas said it this to him, right. It’s not a love confession but something like this. He finally accepts who he is and that he has feelings and not only a raised killing machine. He accepts himself. Maybe that’s a good sign for the next episode.

16. Jack disappears. I know he’s family but for real: he found his happiness being a god. He will change the world. I already said why he’s perfect for this job. And his disappearance is... well, gives me a comfortable feeling. He’s in peace and he found his mission of life. And you can’t tell me he didn’t bring back Eileen and the others. We don’t know if he can bring back Cas out of the empty. But I think he would bring Cas back if he could. Maybe he couldn’t and the story gets told in the last episode. However, Jack did a great job.

17. The ending. Yeah, what did we expect? They already told us with the season’s posters that it’s about Sam and Dean. And only them. And I can understand why Dean seems to be happy there. They literally saved the goddamn world again. But I don’t think it’s only this. They are free now. That means they can become what they want - what the fans want because the writers lost their power. And maybe that’s a hint on Destiel being confirmed by Dean in the next episode. And they’re driving with the Impala but we don’t know where they will go. Hmm... and maybe Dean smiled because he had hope again? Hope to save his... boyfriend?! Don’t know, but he’s able to do it now.

So, maybe I’m too romantic but that’s what I think. I think we see Cas again and that they will be together. I don’t know and I don’t think we will get a love confession from Dean (I know, sad. I thought we get it). But I think there’s hope. Maybe - that’s only a theory - they don’t want to make it completely canon because they argue that the end should offer enough possibilities for the fans to write and draw and so on. I would be pissed if that’s the argument, I mean queerbaiting is real but we don’t know.

I don’t find an answer in the confusing statements of the actors and the crew. Misha said he’s not in this episodes, but he was on set. It’s canon, but Dean doesn’t reciprocate? What the hell? It’s a mess and they have to clean it up for the fans. They said it won’t be a ‘Game of Thrones’ ending and hell yes, I don’t want that. It would suck. Also they said the ending would make 30% of the fans happy - maybe that’s us. We’ll see.

Edit: Btw I wrote it before, I think it’s true that Cas gets more attention in the last episode because of the fact it’s the series finale. Cas wasn’t just part of the season and we know it was the season finale, he’s part of the whole series for years. So why not bring him back for the series finale?

[sleekervae]

The Neighbour [0.3]

Something was irrevocably different with Remington; Emerson picked it off right away. On an early Tuesday afternoon, with the air thick and humid and the sun beating down like a plague (no pun intended), Remington was fussing over himself more than usual. He had changed out of four or five different outfits, playing with his hair, and was it appropriate for him to wear makeup? Eva hadn't seen him with it on, yet. No, it was probably best to keep it casual for now. Then again, he had a fantastic highlight that worked absolute magic under the sun...

It was around eleven thirty when Remington finally came down, dressed down but still presentable in a simple pair of ripped skinny jeans and a t-shirt. Emerson and Shy were sat on the couch as they watched Netflix, Pepper situated between them. Remington stopped short when he saw the pair cuddled up on the couch, he smiled deviously.

"Eugh! You guys are so flippin' cute it's gross!" he gushed, putting on his diva voice.

Shy chuckled softly, "Hi Rem,"

Emerson's attention diverted to his older brother, intrigued to see him all ready to go out somewhere.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Coffee with Eva," Remington replied simply.

"The neighbour with the cat?" Shy said.

"Yeah," Remington nodded, "Emerson tell you she gave us a loaf of bread last week?"

"He did," she smiled, "Poor thing, I felt for her. She looked so flustered at the pool,"

"Well, moving is a bitch already. Throw in Covid 19 and you got a real thorn in the ass," Emerson said, then turning back to his brother, "You gonna' be social distancing?"

"We're going to drink our coffee and walk around in the park," Remington replied, "She works from home anyway,"

"So, who asked who for the coffee?" Emerson asked.

Remington shrugged, stopping at the hallway mirror to fix his hair again, "She brought up how she hasn't had a chance to get around the neighbourhood, so I offered, she accepted. She has our vinyl too,"

"Which one?" Emerson asked.

"Boom Boom Room,"

"Side A or B?"

"A,"

"I'd approve either way,"

Shy couldn't help but subconsciouly squeeze Emerson's arm, a glimmer of excitement bursting behind her eyes, "So, she's a fan, too?"

"Took her a minute to figure it out. Didn't even bring up Em or Seb, so clearly she pays more attention to me," the blonde smirked.

Emerson glowered at his brother, "Yeah, yeah, go for your cup of fuck-off-ee," he grumbled.

Across the street, with her room strewn in discarded clothes that just didn't make the cut, Eva finally felt confident standing in her denim skirt and black tee. On any other day she'd have paired the ensemble with her pleather jacket, but it was too damn hot out. Even with the window letting in a cool breeze, the air was uncomfortably humid. What did she expect when moving from the Emerald City to Los Angeles?

Eva made sure to close and latch the window shut before she left, not eager for Pluto to go off on another reign of terror. Stopping to grab a fresh face mask, her phone suddenly began to vibrate in her purse. She figured it might have been Remington sending her a text, but the screen flashed to the Blocked Caller ID. Eva rolled her eyes and denied the call.

Stepping out into the humidity, Eva waved her hand over her face as she stepped out of the complex courtyard, just at the same time Remington was locking the door to his house. As soon as she caught his eye, he was all smiles.

She was glad to see him; a little relieved, even. He looked cool, cool enough to appear on some grungy magazine cover. All he needed to complete the look was a cigarette and maybe a skateboard, too. The messy blonde hair, the glimmer in his eyes brought back the warmth she associated with his presence and as she came to meet him at his car, his spicy cologne danced up her nose and imprinted itself in her olfactory memory.

Remington had never been more wary of how his hands shook, his left hand he stuffed into his jean pocket and the right he gripped his car keys with a vice-esque grip. He found himself mesmerized briefly by the fit of her skirt, her black t-shirt tucked in smoothly but not too tight to over expose her figure, but just enough to give Remington an idea. Her short brown hair fell delicately over her face, one side pushed back behind her ears and exposing her stormy blue eyes to the sunshine. She was the embodiment of innocence and grunge wrapped into a perfect five-foot-six package.

"Glad you didn't stand me up," he grinned.

"Well, I kind of happen to live right over there," she drawled, pointing to her balcony, "It'd be kind of awkward and hard to hide if I tried,"

"You look really nice," he nodded after a brief moment.

"So do you," she agreed with confidence, "Where we off to?"

There was a forested park not far from where they lived. Despite the pandemic, the fields were filled with older kids playing games of soccer and basketball, there were vendors out trying to sell their ice cream, a couple girls were scattered across the grass and sunbathing. It almost all seemed so normal, if not for the fact that the kid's jungle gym had been fenced off so no child could climb upon it.

The pair walked side-by-side, him with his iced black coffee and her with a green tea frapp -- no whipping cream. The gravel path they walked was shaded by a canopy of lush green trees, providing some relief from the hammering heat. Remington kept his gaze locked on her, worried to miss a moment where she'd crack a smile or briefly run her tongue over her lips. Her fingers appeared so dainty yet he could spot the small calluses at the middle joint of her thumb, and some paper cuts on her middle and index fingers.

"So, how does a ghostwriter get hired?" Remington asked, "Do you just openly advertise 'hey! If you're a lazy author, come hire me'?"

"No," Eva shook her head with a giggle, "I used to write articles for the newsletter at my college, and then a friend of mine forwarded me an email about a client who was looking for a ghostwriter. I didn't know much about it but the money was pretty good. It was a grant application for requesting financial aid for survivors of residential schools,"

"Sounds depressing," Remington said.

"It was pretty heavy shit," Eva admitted, "But, I did get fifteen-hundred for a six page application. Well worth it, I'd say,"

Remington blew an impressed whistle, "So you make pretty good money off of this?"

"Let's just say my student debt has decreased significantly since I took up the profession," and she took a brief sip of her drink.

"You ever publish anything under your own name?" he asked, "Eva Kuznetsov is a cute pen name. Evelina sounds more mature, though..."

Eva shrugged, "I think about it sometimes... but it's just easier to write under someone else's name and let them have all the glory. Say, if they happen to do something stupid to forever tarnish their career, that won't come back to bite me in the ass,"

Remington smirked, "Like a particular fantasy author who's made some pretty heavy comments concerning the trans community?"

"Let's not even talk about that, my heart still breaks when I think about it," Eva sighed, "To answer your question, however, if I got confident enough I may try to publish something in the future,"

"What else do you like to write?"

Eva opened her mouth but closed it quickly, pressing together her petunia pink lips as she visibly swallowed whatever words were about to pass through them. When she looked up at Remington again, his brown eyes dark like soaked coffee grinds that sent her into a caffeinated headrush. What would he think if she actually told him...

"I write poems, some short stories," she somewhat lied.

Remington's smile grew wider, mischief glimmering over his face like light beams reflecting over windchimes in a saturated dusk, "You hesitated just now," he spoke curiously, "What else do you write?"

Eva glanced down at the ground, a nervous giggle bubbling out and knocking the air out of her lungs, "Okay listen, don't judge me, it's just a hobby of mine,"

"Oh God!" Remington gasped, "Do you write porn?"

Eva laughed again, her pale cheeks flushing in red, "Well... I do happen write some naughty shit... in my fanfictions,"

Remington stopped dead in his tracks, taken aback by her answer. He totally thought she would say something along the lines of erotic fiction on a platform like Literotica. For understandable reasons, he had some mixed emotions about fanfictions.

"What kind of fanfiction?" he asked, somewhat bordering on the third degree.

"... Um..." she glanced at him again, the smirk on his lips compelling more giggles to burst from hers. She pressed her hands together over her nose and mouth, and Remington laughed as well.

"Okay listen, I promise," he put his right hand over his chest, "I promise I will not judge you for whatever smut you write for whoever," he assured her.

"It's not... yeah, I guess it kind of is," Eva chuckled nervously, "I usually write for stuff like Criminal Minds, but more lately I've gotten into writing for Euphoria..." she trailed off, timid as she waited for his response.

"Alright, that's actually not bad," he nodded, "I'll be honest, you didn't strike me as somebody who write fanfics,"

Eva glanced timidly at her scuffed sneakers, kicking up pebbles and dust, "Are fanfic writers supposed to look a certain way?"

"I don't know, actually," he simpered.

"I don't tell a lot of people that I do it, mainly because their first impression is either 'what the fuck' or 'OMG we should collaborate' and I'm just like," she hung her head back, "Nooo!"

"You're more of a soloist then a team player, then?" he teased.

"Let's just say I tend to work better alone," she replied, shrugging her shoulders as though the comment should mean nothing. But Remington found it odd that Eva was out here all on her own, never brought up her friends or family. He didn't see many personal effects in her apartment, neither.

"Is that why you're out here by yourself?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"Well... don't take this the wrong way, but I haven't really seen you with anybody. You don't talk about your friends or your family,"

Eva shrugged again, "They're all back in Seattle. Besides, opportunity was drying up over there and I just wanted a fresh start," she said, "Besides, Pluto's my friend,"

"Well, that's a given," he replied, "Are your parents up in Seattle?"

"My dad is," she nodded, "I don't know what my mom's doing," Remington's silent was her cue to go on, "I um... we haven't really spoken, her and I,"

"You have a falling out?" he asked suddenly.

Eva glared down at the gravel again, "You can call it that. She's a pilot and she's always flying, and so you know, I never really got to see much of her growing up. And then, she suddenly shows up for my college graduation and expects us to be one big happy family, like she has it in her head that she can make up for all the birthdays and shit she's missed. And I just didn't know what to say to her. I don't know who she is, but she's my mom," she glanced up at Remington again, "And I don't know why I'm telling you all of this,"

Remington wasn't bothered by her unloading, it seemed as though Eva needed to get things off her chest more than she realized. Her smile was sardonic and her voice petty like a comedian on stage, putting on the brave 'I don't give a fuck anymore' face.

"I find sometimes it's easier to unload to new people then it is to your friends," he said, "What does your dad do?"

"Chem professor. Which is ironic because I seriously sucked at chemistry," she replied.

"Show me a kid who didn't struggle in chem, honestly," he said, "But do you get along with your dad?"

"For the most part," she chuckled, "He's still confused as to why I choose to write anonymously, but that's his problem. What do your parents do?"

Remington chewed on the inside of his cheek, "My mom's kind of like our manager. Does a lot of production and behind the scenes stuff. And I haven't seen my dad for nearly twenty years,"

Eva was silent for a moment, studying him. He spoke with a firm grin, yet still trying to shadow that flicker of sadness within his face.

"So we both have parental issues... that's nice to know," she put on a teasing grin, "Maybe that's why we make such good friends?"

Remington swallowed thickly, "So, you are indeed confirming we are friends?"

"I am," she smiled, "It'd be nice to have whatever few I can scrape up,"

"That fact that you also live across the street means that you're now stuck with me," Remington grinned with pride.

"True," Eva hummed appreciatively, taking another sip of her drink, "Somehow, I don't think I'll mind, though,"

When Remington drove her home she gave him a sweet and polite goodbye, a hug which made his confident exterior falter for a second long enough for her to witness it through the flush in his cheeks and his lack of response. His words tripped over the length of his tongue when he tried to flush out a proper goodbye and he felt his hands began to quiver again.

And when he went to open his door, he took one last glance. The small brunette turned at the same time and met his gaze, but he was too far away to hear her sharp inhale. And when he finally went inside he fall back against the door, staring into space with the biggest grin he'd had on since... well, he couldn't remember when he last felt so excited.

[tea-at-221]

The TJLC Debacle: 3 years out from S4 and counting; the copyright mini-theory; so much salt I’m bloated; but in the end, there is peace (I love you Johnlockers)

Ugh, don't even talk to me about Mary.

Don't even talk to me about the way Mofftiss have said they're sick of responding to fans on the subject of Johnlock. Of how they've said they're "not telling anyone else what to think or write about them" (as if they could stop us; as if they even own Sherlock themselves. Do keep reading, because this point becomes much more relevant and in-jokey later on). Don't even mention how they've bitched and whined incessantly because--god forbid--fans got *really really* into their show and emotionally invested.

They're so eager to discount all the beautiful little moments they wrote as accidents. And Arwel, who planted all those props, continually demonstrates that he's on their side (a not-very in-depth-analysis of his Instagram account and the way he interacted with fans towards the beginning of the pandemic showed as much, but I think maybe he’s grown a bit wiser and quieter since at least in terms of Johnlock and all things elephant-related. I don’t know for sure because I stopped looking.)

Anyway--they'd actually prefer for us to celebrate our own intelligence, is I suppose a charitable way of looking at it: our ability to make connections between things in the show; our metas on symbolism; our insightful fanfic; etc., and denounce them as the bad writers that they ultimately are.

More under the cut.

(This post may be of interest to you especially if you came to the fandom a bit later: multiple links to things of relevance/quotes/explanations appear both within and at the end of this entry.)

Because what makes a writer good?

Well, an ability to make people feel an emotional connection to their work, for one. I know this is just my own perspective, but if not for Johnlock, all my emotion about the show would evaporate. There wouldn't be much else there. Other people might get something, but I wouldn’t. Is some of the writing witty and entertaining regardless of any inferred/implied Johnlock? Yeah but, eh, a lot of shows have some good writing and I just don’t give a damn about them.

What makes a writer good?

Not making promises to the reader/viewer that they'll never keep. Plot holes, leading dialogue ("There’s stuff you wanted to say...but didn’t say it.” “Yeah”) never followed through on, puns that are apparently, I suppose, unintentional (e.g. "'Previous' commander?" "I meant 'ex'").

Uh, not writing continual gay jokes that aren't actually pointing toward the inference that people are making them because there's actually something going on there under the surface. (How about just don't make those jokes ever.)

Not being, apparently, oblivious (? questionable) to the queerbaiting they're engaging in *as they’re writing it.*

Acting like their LGBT audience is in the wrong/the bad guy, instead of choosing to remain respectful in the face of dissent. Instead it's just, "we never wrote it that way" / "We never played it that way."

A lot of those other mildly witty shows don’t actually blatantly drag their most passionate fans face-down through the mud the writers themselves created. Imagine that.

I'm not even a fan of Martin Freeman anymore, for the way he handled the whole thing (getting angry, the comments he made about how the fans made Sherlock “not fun anymore”...apparently Martin’s packing up his crayons and going home?)...no offense to anyone who is still a fan of his. I don’t make it a habit to drag him. I do to some degree understand his frustration with having the whole situation taken out on him--he’s just an actor in the show--but I simply wish he’d remained as cool and professional about it as Benedict Cumberbatch instead of pointing at the fans. You’re pointing in the wrong direction, mate.

What also irks me at the end of the day is this: the subsection of people who legitimately responded badly to the TJLC/S4 debacle and went above and beyond to harass the writers and actors/actresses on social media are *few and far between*, but we've been lumped in with them by what feels like...everyone, Martin included. TJLCers/Johnlockers (not the same group, but often treated as such) have been made to look like a bunch of rambunctious, immature, demanding children time and time and again in the wake of S4.

They'd rather, what, suggest John was so in love with Mary? THAT was the relationship they wanted to uphold in that show as so significant and...what, a demonstration of how honorable it is to respect your heterosexual relationship despite, you know...ANYTHING?

Yeah sorry, I don’t believe in that. John’s text-based affair, whether a disappointment for some as to his supposed character, was a very human reaction and I kinda sorta feel like I would have reacted MUCH more strongly than that had I been John. But nope. He stayed with Mary and was *ashamed* of his wandering eye. Ashamed that maybe he wanted to be admired by someone. I can’t think of a scene, off the top of my head, where Mary ever interacted with John without belittling him in some way--if not with words, then with consistently patronizing glances.

The message here is that heterosexuality is not just acceptable, but VALUABLE, however it manifests--but god forbid anyone see a queer subtext. (Why are lgbt+ writers some of the very WORST offenders where this is concerned? And they defend it! Is this childhood nostalgia/Stockholm Syndrome of the very fondest variety or what? Gay angst is all they got if they got anything at all, so it’s still good enough as far as “representation” goes?)

They really want to tell the story of John as so emotionally/mentally fucked up that he surrounds himself with unstable people time and again. They never give any reason *why* he might do that (which they could have done even soooo subtly), or delve into his past--just, apparently it's okay to assume that Sherlock's comment about "she's like that because you chose her" is exactly that.

No. Sherlock and Mary are NOT the same. Not...*remotely*!

Mary is underhanded and evil. She lies. She manipulates. She schemes. Her “love” is based on selfishness, and her assumption that John is a simpleton and hers to mold. She's in it for herself.

Sherlock hides. He prevaricates. He feels. He loves John. He does fucked up things in the name of love, but always for the benefit of those he loves. When he screws up, which he obviously does, it’s painful to us as the audience because we see that it is painful for him when he recognizes and regrets it.

I have never seen Mary regret anything. Those crocodile tears at Christmas? More manipulation. Inconsistent with anything else we were shown about her as a character.

To even think for a SECOND that people could ship Mary and John and mentally condemn John for cheating on Mary AFTER SHE SHOT HIS BEST FRIEND...as if marriage is the be-all-end-all free pass in which every sin must be forgiven until the end of time...as if John broke any covenant with his wife beyond those she broke from the very moment she walked into his life *with an entire fake past.* Is just. Well. It's asking us to accept gaslighting as healthy, loving, normal, *preferable* behavior, so...given the source that message is coming from, it's all a bit meta.

THAT. Is insanity. Maybe Mofftiss are the sociopaths.

How these men could write characters they themselves understand so little (or tell us they understand so little because their emotional maturity has yet to surpass that of the average three-year-old’s), I will never know. I can only imagine that they have absorbed, by osmosis over their lives, real and nuanced human behavior...then churned it back out again in their writing unaware, a bit like psychopaths who teach themselves what "normal" people do so that they can pass as psychologically sound in regular society.

Remember, we *are* talking about men who do these sorts of things:

Moffat says that Sherlock is celibate and that people who claim he's misogynistic when he does things like make Irene Adler imply she's attracted to the detective (even though she's a lesbian) are, ironically, "deeply offensive" (despite lines like "look at us both" in Battersea. We aren't your therapists, Moffat--we don't care what you meant, we care what you said, and what you *said* was clear. *Implying* it does not let you off the hook).

Gatiss has proclaimed that "I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting" than the idea of ever making a show addressing LGBT issues. (That link is to a reddit forum, and I can't find the original interview anymore, but I assure you I had seen the actual article myself ages back and can't find it online again now along with some of the Martin quotes I wanted to link to. And nevermind what Gatiss has done with LGBT shows/issues since--my focus here is on what he has said, versus what he and Moffat have since claimed regarding their queerbaiting.)

Here’s a transcript of this screenshot:

"...many people come up and say they didn't realise." Despite this lack of public awareness, being part of the gay community is clearly important to Gatiss: "The older I get the more I want to give something back. I mean, I keep meaning to do something." When asked if he'd be interested in making a series about gay issues his response was enlightening:

"No, I don't think I'd make a kind of gay programme. It's much more interesting when it's not about a single issue. And equally, I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting. Of course this reflects the grand picture of everyone's strange make-up; there are good gay people and bad gay people. I wouldn't like to make an issue film around the culture of being gay."

Instead Gatiss' interest seems to lie in making a drama where sexuality is, if not mundane, part of the wider framework: "I'd quite like to do something about a quite happy, ordinary gay person who's just incidentally gay. For example, a three-part thriller for ITV where the lead character just happens to be gay; when they finally go home, say 45 minutes in, and they had a same sex partner. That to me would be genuinely progressive. It wouldn't be a three-part gay thriller for ITV. It would be that this character just happened to be gay."

--End article quote.

And instead, who is canonically gay in the series? Well, Irene Adler. The innkeepers at the Cross Keys. And perhaps most notably, the *villains*, because that's a helpful trope: Moriarty and Eurus are, in S4, both implied to be at least bisexual.

Any character should be able to be any sexuality, this is true. But can we have some main characters, the good guys, give some good representation? Can't we start making that the standard, rather than the villains and the background characters? Because so far, that is the exception and not the rule.

Writers need to be aware of the damage they are perpetuating. We are not quite in a world yet where any character should be able to be any sexuality but isn't, yet we have no problem with saying the villain is LGBT+ or looks different/functions differently than much of the viewing audience.

"Male friendship is important and valid, not everything has to be gay"--this is a popular point with casual heterosexual viewers (and, to my chagrin, some of my LGBT+ friends) who don't fully grasp what "queerbaiting" is, often even when it's pointed out to them.

The lens of heterosexuality is real. My first time through watching BBC Sherlock, I didn't see the Johnlock at all. I had to look for it and read about it. When I saw it, the lens was lifted for me, and it changed my life and the way I view things forever (and for the best).

But back to my point about how little Mofftiss seem to understand their own story/most ardent fans, and then on to my other theory: in S4 it must be that they dropped their “psychopaths emulating empathy” act and indulged in their own "insane wish fulfillment" by doing away with all of the meaning, continuity, and sense. Right?

So, here’s the alternate theory. One which is not, please remember, in their defense.

Remember that S4 is what Mofftiss are *happy* to have us believe is what they'd do with these characters, given the chance to do whatever they wanted. I repeat, in Moffat’s own words: “Insane wish fulfillment.”

Okay I get it, this pasta has been over-salted.

Without further delay: MY COPYRIGHT RESEARCH THEORY THAT EVEN I DON'T PUT MUCH STOCK IN AND WHICH DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR THEIR CRUELTY EVEN IF TRUE

Part of me also raises an eyebrow at S4 as perhaps an example of the effect of the Conan Doyle estate on any modern production in the US. While it’s true that all of Sherlock is part of public domain in the UK and has been for quite a long time, Gatiss and Moffat still talk about it being partially under copyright. Specifically, the last 10 stories. I’m supposing that this means that because Sherlock airs internationally, or due to whatever contract the BBC has with the Doyle estate, they are still limited by the copyright as to what they can “publish”.

The Doyle estate is known for being a pain in the ass when it comes to abiding by copyright law as everyone else knows and practices it. They’ve tried to argue, for example (in 2013 and, much more recently, with the advent of Enola Holmes), that because Holmes and Watson were not fully developed as their final selves until the conclusion of all 10 stories still under copyright, then perhaps the characters themselves should still be protected, basically, in full.

It’s true that certain elements of the remaining stories are still under copyright here in the US (Watson had more than one wife--uh huh, we have that to look forward to, Johnlockers; the Garridebs moment is still under copyright--yeah, I’m getting to that too; and Sherlock didn’t care much for dogs til later so that’s not allowed either, fuck off Redbeard), but the estate’s problem in 2013 seemed to be based around a fear that *gasp* some day--if not right now!--anyone could write a Sherlock Holmes story in any way they pleased, changing the characters however they wished to and giving those characters “multiple personalities.”

See the following excerpt from the Estate’s case:

“...at any given point in their fictional lives, the two men's characters depend on the Ten Stories. It is impossible to split the characters into public domain versions and complete versions.”

(Click for full transcript.)

Obviously, by this point, that’s been done in multiple iterations. So I dunno. Their argument was *more* than muddy to begin with--they just grasp at straws to stay in control, it seems.

But okay. Backing up: wasn’t there sort-of a Garridebs moment in S4?!?? you cry. Yep. But imagine this: the Conan Doyle estate taking Mofftiss to court to argue that they depicted the Garridebs moment--a moment still under copyright--in The Final Problem.

Did they, though? Did they really?

The fandom cried out about the ridiculousness--the utter disappointment--of that moment when it was shown. It was not what we would have expected/wanted. We didn’t see John injured, Sherlock reacting with tender outrage to the good doctor’s attacker.

Instead we saw some ludicrous BS that was as bad as the clown with the sword-gun-umbrella. More of that.

I think Martin probably found that it was easy to produce real tears when he thought about how fucking terrible the S4 scripts were.

Ahem. Yet, this all seems very Mofftiss-flavored in terms of humor.

I can all-too-easily imagine them saying, “HA. We’re going to show some of these supposedly copyrighted things--and if they take us to court, they’ll be laughed out of the room.” Could that explain some of the overall S4 fuckery?

Sherlock wasn’t supposed to like dogs til later stories, as previously mentioned-- is that why Redbeard pulled a “Cinderella’s carriage” and transformed into a pumpkin (Victor Trevor)? Hmm. Sigh.

It...doesn’t actually appear that the estate has any qualms about taking laughable stuff to court, I mean...*shrug.* They have the money to do it, and money is the name of the game, because you’ve got to pay for rights (cha-ching sounds).

Yep, it does seem that the estate is open to the copyrighted materials being made reality, but who knows for what price or with what caveats. The BBC isn’t, so far as I’ve ever heard, known for throwing money around. Early Doctor Who would be so much less entertaining if they’d had any sort of budget. (And in fact, more of the older episodes would exist, but apparently the BBC--in part to cut costs--reused some of their tapes.)

My bottom-line bitter is this: Mofftiss do like to amuse themselves. To please themselves and no one else, as they’ve shown time and again. Sure, they could do whatever they wanted with S4...and they did...but they were also cruel about it, and that’s what I’ll never forgive them--OR the BBC--for.

A lot of fans gave up after series 4. I was very nearly one of them. I was angry, like just about every other Johnlocker and/or TJLCer, but I was really truly heartbroken. I couldn’t look at fanfiction. My days were full of bitterness and I keenly felt the lack of the fandom outlet that had become so essential to my mental well-being. I didn't know how to overcome the disparity between TJLC and what the show actually was. I didn't know how to separate the things I loved so much from the shitty writers and the way the BBC handled things with their whole response letter (that atrocious, childish blanket response they sent to everyone who complained about S4, not just the Johnlockers/TJLCers. Related to your complaint or not, if you filed one post-S4, this was the response you got). I still boycott BBC shows/merchandise, just by the way.

I tried to link to the blanket response letter but the link didn’t want to work (it’s an old reddit post; I had difficulty finding a copy of the letter elsewhere though at one point it wasn’t so hard...Google is weird these days y’all...tell me it’s not just me) so here’s a screenshot:

Transcript:

“Thank you for contacting us about “Sherlock”.

The BBC and Hartswood Films have received feedback from some viewers who were disappointed there was not a romantic resolution to the relationship between Sherlcok and John in the finale of the latest season of “Sherlock”.

We are aware that the majority of this feedback uses the same text posted on websites and circulated on social media.

Through four series and thirteen episodes, Sherlock and John have never shown any romantic or sexual interest in each other. Furthermore, whenever the creators of “Sherlock” have been asked by fans if the relationship might develop in that direction, they have always made it clear that it would not.

Sherlock’s writers, cast and producers have long been firm and vocal supporters of LGBT rights.

The BBC does not accept the allegations leveled at “Sherlock” or its writers, and we wholeheartedly support the creative freedom of the writers to develop the story as they see fit.

We will of course register your disappointment.

Thank you for contacting us.

Kind Regards,

BBC Complaints Team

So how about that? *Did* they “register our disappointment”? We can actually check that. The BBC’s website has a monthly summary of complaints received. So what did they receive in January 2017, the month S4 aired?

Huh, what do you know. Sounds like that blanket response was exactly the “fuck you” it came across as.

But the show--the FANDOM--had filled a need in my life, and so I had to own that and make it mine, or just...let something in me die: something that felt like an actual vital organ. I had to decide that these characters mean something to me beyond what anyone else tells me they should. I had to accept my own perceptions as truth, as I do with everything else in my life. I had to overcome the idea of canon as law (BBC Sherlock isn't canon anyway; ACD is canon. BBC Sherlock is, in the end, badly written fanfiction--or--worse?--decent pre-slash fanfiction distorted by consistent lies and the hazing of the LGBT audience, topped with the dumpster fire of S4′s incoherent nonsense).

I had to take the good and throw away the bad, just like anyone else who chose to stay. The good bits of the show...dialogue, yes. Plot points, yes. These awful writers did write some good stuff sometimes.

They just broke all the unspoken rules of what not to do to your audience. And then did and said everything they could not to apologize, and to justify their own failings. Which, in the years since I began shipping queer ships beyond any others, I have unfortunately experienced more than once.

So, my vulnerability has been yeeted into the vacuum of broke-my-trustdom: no one can tell me what things should mean to me. I will decide.

I decide that all of the FUCKING AMAZING writing in the Sherlock fandom is a staple in my life that makes it worth living. And that that's okay. And takes precedence over anything the writers or anyone else associated with the show could ever say or do.

Johnlock can not be taken away. It doesn't belong to them. It never did, even if they brought us to it. It belongs to us. To the group of amazingly creative, brainy, empathetic, resourceful, vibrant, resilient people who make up this fandom.

So thank YOU, all of YOU, for giving me Sherlock, Johnlock, and TJLC.

I am SO SAD for those who never found a way to make peace with this fandom again. Let me just say that I understand that inability entirely.

I am fortunate that I found the ability in myself to cling to the joy (something it has taken my whole life to be able to do). I hope others will who haven’t yet but wish they could.

Let Mofftiss and whoever sides with them stay angry and bitter and vicious, always looking over their shoulders for anyone who dares to whisper about subtext.

I’m proud to be part of what they’re whispering so angrily about.

Thanks for sticking it out if you made it this far. I know this was very self-indulgent and rambly.

Articles of interest:

A Study in Queerbaiting (Or How Sherlock Got it All Wrong) by Marty Greyson

“We never played it like that.” - Martin on Johnlock

Henry Cavill on the Enola Holmes lawsuit

More on that--and by the way Sherlock isn’t allowed to like dogs

The way Sherlock creators told fans Sherlock & John aren’t gay is so rude

Especially for those new to the fandom who may not know the distinction between TJLC and Johnlockers and want to know more about TJLC's evolution/what it is/meta through the years

Moffat's view on asexuality, offensive to me in particular *as* an asexual person (same article where he claims he isn't misogynistic): "If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it's someone who abstains who's interesting."

Yet he says Sherlock isn't gay or straight and that he's trying to keep his brain pure which is a "very Victorian attitude"

(Nice historical research there, Moff--actually the Victorians were sex-positive).

Sherlock fans were robbed of the gay ending they deserved

Benedict Cumberbatch has lashed out at his Sherlock co-star Martin Freeman over his negative attitude towards fans

BBC complaints January 2017

Martin Freeman: 'Sherlock is gayest story ever'

From 2016: UNPOPULAR OPINION: "Sherlock" Isn't Sexist or Queerbaiting; It's Actually Trying to Stage a Revolution

Queer-baiting on the BBC's Sherlock: Addressing the Invalidation of Queer Identities through Online Fan Fiction Communities by Cassidy Sheehan

[sugarandspice-games]

Okay, so I finally got through Saeran's good ending, I might go back and play the normal and other bad endings later if I feel like it, but as that was an emotional rollercoaster, I need some time to recover. But I'm going to put my full review under the cut.

Will I be releasing my rewrite outline at this point (though not really a rewrite, since I made it before the AE was ever released when I was drunk and salty at the lack of news)? I'm not sure. I wasn't 100% satisfied, but we'll call it a good 65% as I feel like there was more I liked than I hated. I'll leave that decision up to my dear readers, whether or not they want to see it. (Though there are only like... 8 of you here and I know you're probably here for Obey Me content and not MysMess)

I do plan on playing the Jumin Bad End DLC, but I may not liveblog it as I haven't really heard good things. This seems like another ploy for fanservice, but I do want to get more lore about Jumin's backstory, and honestly... I'm gay and want to see those sexy CGs. That being said... this is the last I will discuss the canon material on this blog, and it may be the last time I engage with the canon material (as I believe cheritz has announced that this is the finale anyway, and will no longer update the game). I will most likely continue to create fan content for it, as Sugar and I have our own sort of... fanfic thing going on with the characters and our OCs. But this is a personal and huge special interest of mine, and rather than go through everything and pick it apart for the rest of my days... I want to leave the game and the characters I love so much with only my happiest memories. They'll live on in my heart.

But I digress... here is my semi-condensed review. Sugar may talk about it as well, though I do not speak for them. THIS SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID BUT HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT COMPLETE THE GOOD END OF RAY'S AE.

The Good:

Saeran. Saeran was the best thing about this route. His character development was beautiful, and every time I saw him, I felt my heart swell with pride and love. His new sprites are so adorable as well as his beautiful CGs, and he looks healthier and happier in a lot of them. He's grown to be such a loving, gorgeous, wonderful man despite everything that happened in his painful life, and his story is nothing short of inspirational. I have a lot of love for Saeran, I have from the moment I saw him but this route really drove it home for me. He will have a special place in my heart among my fictional loves that can never be replaced.

Jumin Jumin Jumin! Jumin was one of the absolute MVPs this route, he was doing the most and boy... I just want to hug him. Even though he was in horrendous pain he was doing the absolute best he could to help everyone. He's been a love of mine for a long time, and that love only grew in this route. I was also glad to meet Driver Kim and see the interaction between him and Daddy Han Sr. (Because obviously Juju is the junior Daddy Han lol)-- even though I have mixed feelings about the Chairman, it makes me happy to see Jumin getting the caring he deserves from his father. And the fact that he even turned his back to let Jumin express his emotions without feeling embarrassed... Fucking killed me.

They did Rika right this go around. Yes, she got off to a really rough start, but she was very human and bearable here... and complete with her realizing her wrongdoings and working to right them in the end. It was a gorgeous arc, I'm so happy for her. I have a love hate relationship with her character, as she used to be a very badly written villain IMO... but one of the good things about Another Story in general is that it gave her depth that she didn't have before. And if they wanted to redeem her, they 100% did it right here, even if she had a rough beginning and had to make mistakes to get to where she was. I thought it was very human. Good on you, cheritz.

Vanderwood got a lot of good interactions here, and I'm really happy they gave us more Van content. Even if we're not getting a route for him, it's enough to me to finally see him expressing the affection we all know that he holds for Saeyoung, and working to help him.

The twins finally get to be happy! Need I say more?

Everyone doing well in their lives made me really happy too... most of the other routes had this problem where if one person got to be happy, someone else would have to suffer in exchange. I'm so glad that everyone got a happy ending.

The new chats made me extra emotional... I'm not sure why, to be honest, I think I'm just happy to see everyone again. It had been such a long time since I played Mystic Messenger, and talking to everyone again just like old times felt like returning to a childhood home (though I was 19 when I discovered this game initially, haha). I cried a lot, which is extra weird for me since I don't tend to cry in general.

Yoosung loves Saeran soooo much... in fact, everyone does. It made me happy, bc I was initially worried that he wouldn't have made friends with the RFA or that it would be awkward, but seeing everyone loving him and him being sweet back to them was adorable. Jumin also loves him and you can't change my mind (though maybe that's my wishful thinking of being in a Jumin & Saeran sandwich talking...)

So many good messages in this AE, and they hit very personally. I came to the same realization last year, that in the end, nothing in life matters except love, since you can't take anything else with you when you die. I shan't elaborate more!

Everyone's voice acting was so good! It was so beautiful and emotional, I could feel it through their voices. I usually skip the voice lines since I read so fast, but I'm happy I didn't.

The Bad:

Oh Jihyun... what have they done to you? I know I said he wasn't OOC and I stand by that, but it really feels like the writers hated him this AE. Even his sprite looked so awful and blurry. And he didn't get any good realization that he deserved better or anything, the literal cult leader and prime fucking minister got to be redeemed when he didn't. What the actual fuck. Sugar will definitely have more to say about it, and probably in a more articulate way, but let it be known that I don't like it either.

Furthermore, even if it's not OOC, it's structurally sloppy for him to come to some realization only to stay the exact same as he's always been. And same with Rika too. As I said in a previous post, having them both go through these realizations only to make them the villains again really felt like beating a dead horse. What can I say except AAAAAAAAA. WHAT THE FUCK?

Again, I must reiterate... why'd they make it so you have to be a bitch to Rika to get the good ending? I get that it's probably wish fulfillment for some people in the fandom, but it isn't for me. I really don't have any desire to berate or insult her bc in the end she needs serious help (even if I wanted to throw hands with her sometimes), and if the point was to call her on her misbehavior... some of it went too far (looking @ the "Don't stab Saeran's eyes out!" choice. I didn't like that at all, especially since it felt like you were making fun of Jihyun's trauma.) It especially made the end of her arc fall flat when she's like "Thank you for being kind and trying to understand me..." like, gurl... the game didn't let me do that without making me bad end! Jeez.

Also, literally why was it necessary to redeem the prime minister? He's a monster who tried to murder his own children. It's okay if they needed that scene where Saeran and you tried to understand him, but having him actually come around made no sense... why would he want to listen to you or Saeran when we've seen time and time again that there isn't really any good in him? He's just not a good person. And no, I'm not saying this because I wanted him to die or anything! ...Okay, maybe I did. Fuck that guy. I hate him. (Also the whole "you're only this way because you're lonely!" was so corny, I didn't choose those options but gjkgkgkfk)

The Ugly:

Have y'all heard about how much I hate the agency Boss? I hate him so much... I want to drown him in the toilet. I want to feed him taco bell laced with laxatives. I want to-- anyway, I digress. Not classifying this under bad because cheritz did their job by making him hateable and oh boy, did I hate him. He made me want to barf. I also commend his voice actor for somehow making me feel greasy through the screen. Seriously, dude, hats off to you. You are a genius.

That's about all I have to say for now... you can peruse my talk tag if you want to see any of my other thoughts on this game, but they don't tie into the good and bad. Despite the flaws, I enjoyed myself this route and I'm happy I played it. Even though there will always be things to improve upon in this game... I'm happy I picked it up, and I'm happy I met everyone. I would write them all letters or something but that'd be kinda corny since they're just game characters and won't see it anyway, and I know I'm not the only nor am I the most attractive MC out there... so this is Spice, signing out! Byebye, Mystic Messenger. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

All of the... weird horniness between Rika and Saeran made me feel grossed out. Her having him in a collar with a leash, and the game options that insinuate she has a thing for him... ew ew ew. Please stop it. That shit is so disgusting and I'm going to puke.

@ Both Saeyoung and Saeran: stop fucking trying to die all the time! Seriously! Let me love you and want to save you, when will you get it through your thick skulls that one gay ass MC who loves you very very dearly would NEVER be happy if you died? AAAAAAAA