#like bih why did you go so fucking hard

[witchcraftingboop]

Uni: Put together an eportfolio of all your college work!

Me: Yeah no problem, I never delete anything anyways

Fall 2019 Me: The statements put forth are directed at the youth, their "huddled masses yearning to breathe free" (Lazarus, 1883). Let the spark of defiance be fostered in the years going forward and our roots lain bear. Revolution has always been at the heart of American history for a reason.

Me: .... so... I'll file this under.... ethics?

[spacewizardtrek]

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

[shuahoonie]

holidays with tom [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader 

SUMMARY: life isn’t exactly back to normal. with another lockdown in place and the holiday season is vastly approaching, you and tom are stuck in quarantine with each other the problem? there was supposed to be at least 5 of you in that house and tom is the last person you want to be with. shouldn’t be too bad right? 

WARNINGS: in no particular order swearing—err foul language lmao, sexual innuendos, things get heated but not that much??? exuding sexual tension but also fluff??? alcohol consumption, a series of bad decisions??? idk writing this made me experience the 5 stages of grief tbh lmao it’s not that bad I promise lmao

WORD COUNT: 6.9k! 

A/N: hello and happy new year! I was supposed to post this during Christmas Day but guess who got into a writing rut—yet again. I didn’t want to abandon this because I actually had fun writing it. I hope you all had a festive and safe holiday. I know things have been hard but I still hope you guys enjoyed the holiday. 

2020 has finally came to an end and we’re all ending it the same way when the pandemic started—staying at home, hopefully following the appropriate health measures. I can only hope that 2021 is a brighter and hopeful year for all of us.

stay safe, sending u all my love. 

gif credits: @underoos-shield​ 

vanessa’s masterlist | taglist form 

Two hours. It’s been two hours since you found out that you were going to spend your holidays alone. You were aware that you weren’t going to spend your holidays with your family as you normally would, embracing the fact that working in a different country whilst in the middle of a pandemic was going to be challenging. 

Working in the film industry, constantly visiting sets while still living in a pandemic means that you threw away your chances of being home for the holidays. However, you weren’t entirely the only one who shares a similar struggle. 

“We should still do something for Christmas, you know,” Tom muttered as he watched you lay down on the sofa, your head is supported by the armrest. 

See—it should’ve been you, Ophelia, Alex, William, and Tom in that AirBnB, not just you and Tom.

The five of you reside abroad, however, you all had to fly to Los Angeles for work. You all collectively knew that it would be irresponsible to fly home for the holidays and it wouldn’t make any sense as you would all fly back for work anyway. 

The five of you had a brilliant idea of renting an AirBnB for the holidays since you were all in each other’s personal and work bubble anyway. Obviously, the three of them bailed as they’ve decided to stay with their partners instead, leaving you and Tom alone—which is the last thing you’ve wanted. 

“There’s just us two, Tom,” You replied as you sent a lengthy text to Ophelia, telling and reminding them about what happened between you and Tom.  “I’m not entirely sure if it’s worth anything if we did plan on doing something remotely festive.” 

There are four more days till Christmas and if you were being honest, the last time you felt festive was on the 18th of December...of 2019. 

“Surely there’s something we can do, right?” Tom’s optimism still shined beneath him. “This year has already been shitty enough, we don’t need to feed more into that.” 

The three dots bubble immediately popped up on your message thread with Ophelia as soon as you sent your passive-aggressive rant. Your focus was now on your phone. 

Suddenly, Tom’s face appeared on top of yours—his face was definitely close enough that it’s not CDC approved. He was standing on side of the sofa, both of his palms planted against the armrest as he loomed over you. 

“What do you and your family do during Christmas?” He dared to ask as if he wasn’t towering over you.

Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “Uh—give each other personal space?” You answered out of sheer reflex. You always had a problem with keeping your mouth shut, especially when it sounds rude to other people. In your defence, being unable to do so has helped you put people back in place. 

To be fair, you were used to people standing at least 6 ft away from you ever since the pandemic started. 

Tom’s cheeks went bright red. “’m sorry,” He apologized, giving you a shy smile and scratched the back of his neck. You muttered a quick apology too, for acting so rashly. 

You rose from your position and sat upright instead. “Well, we never do anything special during Christmas,” You said as you threw your hair into a bun. “We usually just go to the movies on Christmas Day because that’s the only thing you can do back when life was normal.” 

Tom nodded understandingly as if he was taking this into account. Now you were curious. 

“Do you guys do anything special for Christmas?” You asked him. 

“Well, on Christmas Day, we would usually just lounge around the house and use it as a chance for me and my family to catch up,” Tom replied. “However, on Christmas Eve, my mum always made sure my brothers and I would have this scavenger hunt to look for our gifts—It’s really fun, actually.” Tom smiled sadly. 

You could easily see how Tom was genuinely broken about not being able to be around his family over the holidays. Heck—he really just misses his family. But who wouldn’t? Britney Spears didn’t sing the line “my loneliness is killing me” for nothing. 

“I’m sorry,” was all you could say. Aside from biting your tongue, being able to easily comfort people was one of your weaknesses too. 

“Oh, there’s nothing to be sorry about, darling.” Tom quickly dismissed the genuine heartbreak he was trying to hide. “We’re all making sacrifices and we chose to be responsible for the benefit of other people.” 

“Yeah, I know.” You said softly. “We’ll just try our best to make something out of this holiday season. I mean—we have to or else we’ll welcome 2021 with a fresh face of misery.” 

“I’m sorry!” Ophelia pouted at the screen as they mindlessly walked around their partner’s place, something that most people do when they’re on the phone with someone. “I genuinely forgot about what happened between you and Tom.” 

“Well, Ollie, it seems like you weren’t the only one.” You replied, adjusting your glasses. Tom seems to be genuinely fine around you, no awkward tensions or anything. If anything, it’s just you who feels weird around him. “But I guess that’s a good thing right?” 

Ophelia forced a smile but they couldn’t, for the life of them, say anything about it. 

“Oh my god,” You sighed “Seriously, Ollie?” 

“It’s just—how could he forget?! You were literally on top of him as I recall and that very much left a permanent image on my mind. I—You know, I really tried my best to forget that ever existing in my mind. So really, if anything, it’s your fault.” Ophelia rambled on. 

“I—I wasn’t on top of him. That’s absurd! I was merely pressed against him” You said defensively, in which Ophelia just laughed atrociously. “Why am I friends with you again?!” You asked rhetorically, bewildered by the fact that you two lasted this long. 

“First of all, that is a hate crime. Second, I’m cool—like everyone wants to be my friend and you should be glad that I gave you the privilege to be even on a nickname basis as me.” 

You rolled your eyes at them. Despite the never-ending banter, you were grateful to have Ophelia as your friend. 

“But seriously, Y/N,” Ophelia said, “You can always just stay with me and Ericka. She’ll be glad to have you over for the holidays.”

“Ollie, as much as I love spending time with you two—I can’t stand being a third-wheel, especially when it comes to the both of you. You two are inseparable when you’re together.” You replied. “I appreciate the offer though.” You smiled at her. 

“I’m just saying—” Ophelia replied, shrugging her shoulder. “Unless you and Tom really want to have the house by yourselves.” They sang teasingly.

“Ophelia!” You gasped. 

“What?” They feigned innocence. “I gave you an option to stay with us! Plus, I know Alex and Will are would’ve asked you to stay with them if they had any idea what happened between you two.” 

“I can’t leave him!” You started to whisper “Tom seems genuinely bummed being here. I can’t just do that to him.” 

It’s as if a light came on inside them. Ophelia started to smirk and you recognized that smirk from anywhere. For christ’s sake, their eyes twinkled like Christmas lights. It drove you nuts. “I fucking knew it.” 

“What?” 

“You like him don’t you?!” They teased, but all you could do was blush. 

“I do not!” You denied it as you could still feel the burning heat emitting from your cheeks. 

“His tongue is that good huh?” Ophelia decided to pry even further. They clearly find enjoyment as you squirmed your way out of this conversation. 

“Bitch, I am ending this call.” That was all you could say. Even if you did find a smart retort, it was no use, especially with Ophelia. They can see right through you and there’s no point in trying to hide it. 

“Honestly, Y/N, we’re living through a pandemic. If there’s any time to make any rash decisions, it’s now. Go get that dick, bih—” 

You drowned out whatever Ophelia was trying to say with your goodbyes and proceeded to end the call. The one time you asked your friend to be serious and they come up with this. 

So—what really happened with you and Tom? 

It was two years ago. You were at a party that you didn’t even plan on attending. However, you were dragged by Ophelia and their partner, Ericka—your new friends in the area. You couldn’t say no to them, they were your first friend in LA! 

You thought about it though, saying no. But when you got a message from your friend back in Canada sending a photo of your boyfriend ex-boyfriend (the same guy who had ghosted you ever since you moved to LA), swapping spits with another girl, you suddenly had the strong urge to drink until you die of alcohol poisoning.

You were burning with anger that you really felt tears pricking your eyes. You were so close to crying or punching someone—whichever comes first.  

One thing’s for sure, though, you weren’t going to cry over a man. So what did you do? “Ophelia, where’s the booze?!” You asked your friend whose eyes nearly popped out of their head. 

Well, you weren’t really going to punch a stranger. Though you felt this burning sense of violence, it’d be much more satisfying to punch the living daylights out on your ex. 

“Y/N, honey, are you alright?” That line always puts on the waterworks, no?  Ophelia was clearly concerned about your newfound thirst for alcohol. 

You furiously wiped the tears off your face. “Um just found out my boyfriend—er ex-boyfriend, who stopped talking to me as soon as I moved here, is seeing someone else now? I don’t know, am I allowed to feel angry when I don’t even know if we’re still together as soon I moved? Fuck—” You tried to explain as you wiped every tear that left your eyes. 

“Oh—of course, hon.” Ericka who handed you a drink. You weren’t exactly sure what it is, but you knew it has alcohol in it and that’s all that matters. You gulped the entire thing and you wanted more. “Y/N, you need to slow down.”

“Are you sure you want to stay? I mean we can crash at our place, eat take-outs, watch movies and be totally disconnected from the world.” Ophelia suggested, but you shook your head furiously. 

“No, I—I’m ok.” You answered “I can’t let the both of you be stuck in misery with me. I need this. I’ll get drunk and if I'm up for it, I’ll hook up with someone. It’s not a healthy coping method but I really want this night to be a series of bad decisions. I don’t want to be myself, even just tonight.”

 So that’s what you did. You were going from one drink to another in record time. Both Ophelia and Ericka kept an eye on you, just in case someone tried to take advantage of your drunken state. 

You were talking to some guy you met in the kitchen, one thing led to another and next thing you knew, you were making out with this dude in someone’s bathroom. Ophelia and Ericka were drunk enough to pester the guy you were making out with but not drunk 

As you were propped on top of the sink and your legs wrapped around his waist, you felt every bit of his lips explore the side of your neck as his hands explored every inch of your body. With his hand under your shirt and his fingers tracing every part of your skin, it just reminded you of how lonely you were. 

Here you were, a thousand miles away from home, all alone just so you could do the one thing you really love. Your family would sometimes call to check up on you but it just wasn’t the same. Your ex tried to guilt you into staying in Canada, but you couldn’t do that. You love what you do and you love yourself too. 

You were willing to risk everything, even if happiness came at a price. 

Now you were crying, and the guy you were making out with definitely noticed. 

“I’m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” He asked as he pulled down your shirt. 

“No—no, I’m just—” You tried to calm yourself down. “I’m not sure if I want to do this anymore.” 

“That’s alright,” He mumbled wiping the tears off your face. “Do you want to talk about it? You seem rattled.” 

“It’s just I’m so tired of pretending everything is alright—that I’m okay being alone, that I don’t need anyone. But it’s just so hard because I’m—” You sobbed “I’m so fucking lonely. I’m so tired of being alone.” 

The guy tucked the stray piece of hair behind your ears as he carefully wiped your tears with his thumb. He was just silent as he listened to you sob. 

“I’m sorry, I know you definitely didn’t come to this party to watch a complete stranger cry over something stupid.” You couldn’t even look him in the eye, you were embarrassed as this was the first time you felt really vulnerable—especially in front of a stranger. 

“No, you’re alright.” He tried to console you “I think that’s the beauty in strangers, no? You can act and do whatever you want in front of them because there’s a slim chance you’ll ever see them again.” 

You were definitely drunk enough that trying to make sense of who the person was a struggle enough of itself. You tried your best to look at the guy but your vision was getting hazy and you could feel your head thumping that focusing made you feel like you want to crack your head in half. 

A loud knock on the door caused you two to jump. “I’m coming in,” Ophelia yelled and opened the door. Ophelia looked at the guy for a while, trying to make sense of who he was before their eyes widened. “I remember now—You’re Tom Holland.”

Imagine your surprise when you found out that you were going to work with Tom Holland for a while. You tried your best to avoid Tom at work but of course, that didn’t work out. He never brought up what happened between you two and you assumed he probably forgot all about it.

You tried to rationalize that he meets a lot of people every day. Surely, one failed hook-up wasn’t worth remembering (especially with alcohol involved) and you held on to that. 

At least that’s what makes you sleep at night and also one of the reasons why you considered spending the holidays with him. However, you were also expecting your crew friends to stay with you and not just Tom. 

“Y/N, did you like the gift? It’s from me and Ericka!” Ophelia asked. It was the next day and you two were just chatting on FaceTime. You were sorting out your closet out of sheer boredom. You figured if you were going to stay here for three weeks, the least you could do was sort your clothes out. 

You stared at the neatly wrapped box that Ophelia and Ericka dropped off earlier this morning. “I haven’t opened it yet.” You said as you showed them the box. “I wanna open it till Christmas.” 

“Oh my god, just open it. Christmas doesn’t exist this year, babe.” Ophelia waved their hand, encouraging you to open it. 

“Fine,” You gave in. You opened the box and saw a very lush and well-made lingerie set. “Ophelia, what the fuck” You gasped. You held out the lingerie in front of the camera. 

“Y/N, I definitely outdid myself this time.” Ophelia sighed happily, staring at the screen. “Try it on!”

“Ollie, this is gorgeous but when am I ever going to use this?” You asked holding it out on your body and looking at the mirror. 

“Uh—you’re stuck at home with your failed but also potential hookup,” Ollie suggested, wiggling their eyebrows. “Who knows what might happen?”  

You rolled your eyes at them. “Bold of you assume that something might happen.”

“Something won’t happen if you don’t try that one,” Ophelia said. “C’mon, I wanna see.” 

You shook your head and went out of frame in order to strip off your clothes. You tried on the lingerie—it’s a black lace teddy with a very exposing back. IT fit you perfectly—it accentuated your figure and definitely showed off your boobs. You weren’t really fond of showing off your body but you still tried your best to show it to your friend. 

“What do you think?” You asked, stepping back to the frame. 

“You look gorgeous, babe!” Ophelia squealed. “I knew I made the right choice with black.” 

“I still don’t know where I should wear this though—” You were stopped mid-sentence when your door swung open. 

“I know what we’re doing this—Oh shit. I’m so sorry,” Tom stood there, frozen, his eyes widened and immediately shut the door. 

You couldn’t even say anything. You were frozen in shock.

“Was that Tom?” Ophelia asked from the call, briefly forgetting that you were talking to them through FaceTime. 

You nodded slowly, unable to talk.

“What did he think?” Ophelia asked excitedly. 

You snapped out of this haze. “Ollie,” you groaned. “I think he was mentally scarred. 

“What do you mean scarred? You look great!” Ophelia said, appalled. “If he doesn’t think you look banging in that lingerie then it’s his loss.” 

“I gotta go, I need to change.” You said, bidding Ophelia goodbye. “Thanks for the gift, Ollie. Tell Ericka thanks too.” 

You ended the call and changed into comfier clothes. You couldn’t help but wonder how on earth you’re going to face Tom now that he’s seen you practically naked. Well, it’s not like that’s a new sight. He did see you with your bra on when you were making out in the bathroom that one time. But still! 

Are you actually going to spend your Christmas in your room?

It was the next day and there are only two more days till Christmas. You spent the entirety of last night in your room after the incident between you and Tom. 

You were about to make yourself some coffee when you found Tom in the kitchen, making tea for himself. You stood there frozen, wondering if you were going to proceed to the kitchen or just run back to your room since Tom hasn’t noticed you—

“Oh—good morning, Y/N.” So close. 

You smiled at Tom and said, “Good morning, Tom.” 

You grabbed a coffee pod and waited for the Keurig to make your coffee. You leaned back against the counter and fiddled with your phone—all in the hopes that things move quickly and for this awkward tension to be over. 

Honestly, why were you so worked up about it? People have seen you in a bikini before and that’s no different from lingerie. If anything, lingerie is itchier and has lace. You should be able to feel confident in your own body and you shouldn’t have to mind what other people think of it. It’s yours alone and it’s your opinion that should matter—

“I’m terribly sorry about last night, Y/N.” Tom apologized, sincerity was written all over his face. “I should’ve knocked and I just got so bloody excited about what we can do over Christmas—but that’s no excuse for what I’ve done. What I did was incredibly intrusive and you deserve a proper apology.”

“Tom, I—”

“I wanted to apologize last night—over dinner—but you didn’t come down to eat, so I figured you didn’t want to talk. “ He rambled on. 

“Tom—” 

“But even then I should’ve asked you to come down and eat dinner because that’s what any decent human would do! And yet I didn’t. God—I’m just doing one wrong thing after another—” 

“Tom, listen to me.” 

“Hm?” He finally snapped out and looked at you in the eyes. 

“It’s okay. It was an honest mistake and you sincerely apologized, and for me, that’s enough.” You smiled softly at him. “So—what’s this thing you planned over Christmas?” 

“I was thinking we could do both our family traditions over the next two days. My family and I usually do a roast dinner and open our Christmas stockings on Christmas Eve. Then on the 25th, we can watch movies all day just like you do with your family.” Tom grinned, clearly satisfied with his plan. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s a great idea,” You smiled “However, I don’t think we have any ingredients for a roast dinner and we don’t really have Christmas stockings. Well—I don’t have any Christmas stockings and stocking stuffers.” 

“That’s true,” Tom mumbled “But I have to do the food shopping anyway. We’re running low on food and I couldn't really book one of those online delivery things that most groceries now offer.” 

You nodded. “Okay, so I guess I have to get the house sorted then.” 

When you two first arrived in this AirBnB a few days ago, it had already been decorated for Christmas. It had a massive tree in the living room decorated with stunning and intricately-themed ornaments. Christmas garlands were wrapped around the stair-bannisters and foliages were placed by the fireplace and the tables. 

All you really had to do was clean the place—do a bit of vacuuming and get things nice and neat for Christmas. It didn’t take you too long to do it too. It had only been a couple of minutes since Tom left to do the food shopping and you prayed to the gods that he doesn’t get too much attention whilst out. 

You figured you might as well do some last-minute shopping while Tom was out, so you can grab gifts for him as well. After all, this whole thing was orchestrated by Tom and you don’t even have anything to give him for his stockings. 

You arrived at your AirBnB a tad later than Tom. He was in the kitchen putting things away when he saw you walk through the door. 

“Ah, I was wondering whether I spooked you with my plan,” Tom commented, making you chuckle and roll your eyes. 

“Trust me, I would’ve made it very obvious if you did.” You replied, earning a laugh from Tom. “I went out to do my last-minute shopping. Granted, it’s not ideal since we’re still living through a pandemic, but there’s not actually that many people where I went to considering it’s the Christmas rush.” 

You made sure to hide the stuff you bought using the handmade tote bags that a friend gave you for your birthday. No retail bags, no clue. “How did you survive the groceries? I bet it’s busy out there.” 

“Yeah, it was.” Tom chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “Remind me to never do that again for Christmas.” 

“Sure,” You said, “That is if I spend another Christmas with you.” You said jokingly, hoping that Tom didn’t find that rude. 

“You’ll never know,” Tom shrugged. “What if you liked our Christmas this year and you’d be begging to spend Christmas with me and my family in London,” Tom smirked, playing along. 

“Yeah, right.” You scoffed playfully, crossing your arms. “If anyone’s begging, it’s going to be you.”

Tom stepped closer, “Wanna bet?” He whispered, a teasing look in his eyes. “Whoever has the most fun during our respective holiday traditions would have to spend the holidays with them next year.” 

“Oh, you’re on, Holland.” You took a step closer. “We will both film our holidays for the entire two days and then we’ll ask Ophelia, Alex, and Will to vote whoever looks like they had the most fun.”

“Okay,” Tom nodded “But no editing! We’ll give them raw footage so there are no chances of tampering.” 

You laughed but you agreed anyway. “Of course, we’ll give them hours of footage. The least we could do is make them sit through hours of content after they ditched us all alone on the holidays.” 

Tom gave a broad smile. “Let the festivities begin.” 

It was the 24th of December—Christmas Eve. You spent the entirety of last night wrapping Tom’s presents for later. Not that you despise Christmas, but it’s been a while since you were actually excited to celebrate it. It was pretty clear that the magic of Christmas dies once you grow up. 

Today was different; you were looking forward to whatever Tom has installed for tonight. 

You went downstairs to make some breakfast only to be greeted by Tom blasting Christmas music and preparing some ingredients for breakfast in the kitchen. 

“Good morning, Y/N, happy Christmas Eve,” Tom greeted with a huge grin. “Say, hi to the camera.” 

“Oh, we’re starting this early, huh?” You asked, putting your hair into a loose ponytail. 

“Why of course, we have to make the best out of this,” Tom said, holding the camera to your face. “I made you coffee.” Tom handed you a cup of coffee. 

“Are you using my love for coffee as an advantage?” You tried to hide your smile while drinking your coffee. 

“Obviously not,” Tom feigned his innocence. “I obviously did not know you were obsessed with coffee—it’s not like I don’t see you on set without one.” He mumbled in which you definitely heard, giving him a smack on the head. “Ow! I’m kidding.” He laughed.

You rolled your eyes at him. “So, what’s for breakfast?” 

“We’re going to make french crèpes,” Tom replied and propped the camera on the kitchen island, facing the two of you. 

“Do you know how to make french crèpes?” You asked, washing your hands. 

Tom blinked, almost trying to decide whether he wants to be honest or impressive. “Do you know how to make french crèpes?” He returned the question. 

“Oh honey, my mom resents me in the kitchen.” You replied, taking a sip from your coffee. “But you know, I manage.” You murmured.

“That’s giving me a lot of hope, darling, thank you.” He said half-heartedly. 

“Shut up,” You nudged him playfully, rolling your eyes. “Tom, honestly, most of the footage is just us bantering for 20 minutes.” 

“To be fair, that’s part of the fun.” Tom smiled. “Okay, I think you just mix all of these in a bowl. Start with the dry ingredients first.” He said, looking at the recipe on his phone.

“Okay, that shouldn’t be too hard,” You commented pouring the ingredients into the bowl. As you started all of the ingredients together, you noticed small lumps forming in the batter. “Tom, did you sift the dry ingredients by chance?” 

“You were supposed to sift it?” He asked, completely clueless. 

You nodded slowly. Panic was now clearly painted on his face. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.” You tried to reassure him. 

It was not fine. The first time you two tried to pour the batter in the pan, you burnt the entire thing. It’s not even the cute, lightly burnt crepe. It was activating the smoke alarm-burnt crepe. 

The next one was pancake-like. The next one after that had pocket flours on the crepes because you two didn’t sift your dry ingredients beforehand. You ran out of the batter when you two finally got the consistency right—you managed to get one proper crepe from the entire batter. 

“I feel like Sam would probably curse me out as soon as he finds out I fucked up a simple crepe,” Tom said, delicately filling the crepe with creme and berries. “My brother’s done so well in culinary school.” He cut a piece with his fork and brought it to your mouth.

“Well, you can’t have everything.” You said taking a bite out of the crepe. “This is better than the last one.” 

Tom nodded, taking a bite of it himself. “It’s not as tasty as Sam’s but I’ll take it.” 

“Now, I’m curious as to what your brother’s cooking tastes like.” You commented taking another bite from the crepe. 

“I guess I’ll just take you home to London to find out,” Tom teased with an annoying grin. 

“As long as I’m being fed, I’m fine with it.” You remarked. What in god’s name are you are you two playing?!

The day rolled by very quickly. It was already evening when you finished wrapping the presents for your friends. You plan on dropping it off tomorrow before you persuade Tom to glue yourselves on the couch for the entire day. 

You grabbed all of Tom’s gifts—Christmas stocking included— when you went downstairs, only to be greeted by someone yelling at Tom through his phone. 

“I did everything right, Sam. I don’t know why you’re yelling.” Tom yelled back at his phone. His back was turned against you as he was putting away the pots and pans that he used. 

You quietly walked up behind him and said calmly, “Why are you yelling?” 

Tom probably jumped six feet away from you, making you laugh. You always forget that he gets scared easily. “Holy shit, don’t scare me like that, Y/N.” Tom breathed out, putting a hand over his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” You said whilst laughing. “I promise I won’t do it again.” Tom rolled his eyes, murmuring something about you being insincere about it. 

“Please do it again!” You heard, whom you assume is Sam, say from the background. You looked at Tom’s phone that’s propped on the island and saw his brothers on FaceTime. 

You beamed at them. “Any recommendations?” You asked, hearing Tom groan behind you. 

“Well, he hates—” 

“This is the last thing I want in 2020, for my brothers and Y/N to conspire against me,” Tom said loudly on purpose, drowning his brothers' voices.

“Tom, don’t be rude. Let your brothers finish—” Tom put his hand against your mouth. 

“I’ll call you guys later,” Tom said “Wave goodbye, Y/N.” He used his free hand to grab your hand and forced a wave towards his brothers. The call soon came to an end and you could only roll your eyes at Tom. You seem to do that a lot around him. You also do a lot of that when you try to hide your feelings towards a person you like but that’s beside the point. 

“So are we going to have dinner first or are we going to do presents first?” You asked fixing your Christmas sweater, a gift from your parents since you and your family usually wear matching sweaters for Christmas. “Or are you the type to wait until Christmas Day to open presents?” 

“We can do the Christmas stockings after dinner tonight, then do the presents tomorrow, if you’d like,” Tom answered with his arms crossed. 

You shrugged, telling him it doesn’t matter since you don’t really go all out on Christmas. Your family on the other hand—the house is always full of people, especially since most of your extended family are usually around during the holidays. You had this ongoing game you made for yourself whether or not you’ll be able to greet everyone with the number of people in the house. 

You could only guess how quiet your family’s Christmas is going to be. You definitely needed to call your parents later. 

“Is the sweater that itchy, Y/N?” You heard Tom ask, breaking away from your thoughts. 

“Huh?” You asked, confused. You didn’t even notice that you’ve been scratching yourself subconsciously. 

“You’ve been scratching yourself since I saw you.” Tom said, chuckling. “It’s a cute sweater on you.” 

You smirked. “That reminds me—I got something for you, Tom.” Tom raised his brow as you grabbed the bag you stashed behind the tree. “Actually my parents got this for you. A little thank you gift apparently for having the tolerance to stay with me over the holidays—as if you had a choice.” You mumbled the last part. 

Tom curiously opened the bag and there revealed a matching sweater such as yours. This year’s sweater was green and had red tinsel all over it, probably the reason why you’re itchy. The real kicker is that—

“No way,” Tom gasped “It lights up?!” He asked laughing. It lights up. 

“Yeah, I don’t recommend turning that on. I did it earlier and I’m pretty sure I was about to combust—it’s a real fire hazard.” You replied, enjoying the genuine joy that Tom is showing on his face. 

“Oh but we have to turn the lights on when we take pictures,” He commented as he put on the sweater. “Thanks, Y/N.” He said softly, surprising you with a hug. 

It’s the first real physical contact that you two had ever since that night when you made out and you were pretty adamant that people were just making up this notion of having butterflies in their stomach—they weren’t. 

Tom’s roast dinner went surprisingly well. You kept teasing him that it’s Sam that you had to thank because you knew that Tom wouldn’t last in the kitchen without his brother’s instructions. Tom pouted the whole time. You eventually had to tell him 

“It was sweet.” You told him as you helped him clear out the plates. 

Tom was confused. 

“I don’t think I’ve known someone that went through hell and back just to make a great effort Christmas dinner —even if it means getting yelled at by your brother.” You said, smiling softly at him. “I mean it’s just us two, really. We don’t even have to do this.”

“Think that’s the reason why I wanted to do it,” Tom replied. Now you’re confused. “It’s because it’s the two of us—that’s why I wanted to do it.” 

As soon as you heard those words come out of Tom’s lips, you tried your best to stay calm. To say that you weren’t overwhelmed with emotions would be a huge lie. For someone who couldn’t hold their tongue, you were speechless. Tom’s giving you a run for your money and you weren’t exactly thrilled about it. 

After dinner, you and Tom opened your stocking presents. The presents were pretty tame at the start—you both got each other socks, which was hilarious but greatly appreciated. You love socks, especially comfy and cushiony ones. You came to learn that Tom does too, which prompted you two to wear the socks immediately. 

You got him candy canes, he got you chocolates. You also snuck in those small, in-flight alcohol bottles in there too—which he ended up loving. He got you those 10-pack skincare face masks, in which you let out a huge gasp, making him laugh. 

“Oh, we have to use this at some point!” You exclaimed happily “Like, we need to have a spa night—where we just watch movies, doing face masks, eating takeouts. Oh, that’s the dream!” You sighed happily. 

“We still have two weeks left till we go back to work, I'm sure we can find the time to do that,” Tom said with a permanent smile on his face, watching you with pure joy made him feel like he accomplished something big. 

You got him one of those Instax polaroid cameras—true, it was a bit too much for a stocking stuffer especially since the box definitely stood out against the stocking, but you figured he’ll like it. 

“Darling, this is too much but I’m thankful,” Tom commented as he took out the camera from the box. “I can’t wait to use this and keep memories using it—why don’t we start right now?! Let’s take a photo of us and our matching sweaters!”  

Tom took a lot of photos of you two, in the end. A couple of overexposed photos, one with the matching sweaters, one with your faces pressed against each other, one with your faces way too close to the camera, and one where he gave you a kiss on your cheek (he asked if that’s okay, of course, you said yes. it’s not like he hasn’t kissed you before— still no conversations about that, by the way). It was a good thing you got him at least 3 boxes of those 20 pack films in his stockings as well. 

The real kicker was Tom’s “small” stocking present for you. He got you this dainty, gold necklace with a crescent moon charm. You were pretty sure it was expensive because of the teal box it came with. 

“Stop,” You gasped “Tom, now this—this is too much.” You stressed out. “I can’t have this. Nope, you have to return this.”

Tom shrugged as if it was nothing. “You deserve it. Darling, you deserve something nice after this shitty year.” 

“Tom, I’m serious. This is too much.” 

“I’m serious too, Y/N. Keep it, please. I’d be offended if you don’t.”

After the roller coaster of emotions due to the stocking presents, you gave your parents a call to wish them a merry Christmas. They insisted to do a video call because they wanted to see Tom in the family sweater—which your mom wouldn’t stop gushing about. 

“I think your mum loves me,” Tom whispered closely in your ear. He didn't have to try too hard. With the laptop propped up on top of the coffee table, you two were sitting close together on the living room floor—knees touching, maximum close skin contact. CDC would never approve. 

“Yeah, I think it’s the accent,” You mumbled jokingly. 

Tom moved his head to take a good look at you, smiling. You could feel his eyes burning your skin. Why does he have to look at you like that? Why does he have to be this close?

The initial video call with your parents turned into a whole family reunion when you found out they set up a group call with your extended family. Imagine the dread and fear in your eyes when you heard your one aunt ask, 

“Finally, Y/N, is that your boyfriend?” 

Your eyes widened as you stuttered to say your defence, making Tom chuckle. You frowned at him and nudged him saying, “Don’t laugh, tell them no or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“No, unfortunately, I’m not,” Tom replied, laughing. “However, I do believe we make a cute couple, don’t we?” He teased, earning an earnest yes from your mom. 

You could only wish for the floor to swallow you whole. 

As the clocks rolled to twelve, it was officially Christmas. You and Tom figured you might as well start opening gifts again because Christmas Day is going to be a drag for the two of you. 

“Okay, start with this.” You said as you handed him a gift bag. You didn’t give him a lot of gifts for the actual Christmas Day because you went all out on the stuffers. 

“Pyjamas?” He asked with a grin. You made a signal for him to give you a minute. You ran to your room and changed into pyjamas. 

“Not just pyjamas, Tom, but matching pyjamas!” You exclaimed, laughing. “I saw it and figured we should do this for my day.”

“Sick!” Tom laughed. Tom got into his pair of pyjamas as well and of course, he didn’t forget to pull out his new polaroid camera to take a photo of you two. “Shit, I forgot to film our entire Christmas Eve.” He said as he saw the camera that was still sitting on the kitchen island from earlier that morning. 

You shrugged. “I’m pretty sure you’ll win either way. Just that content from the breakfast crepes was enough to secure your place.” You said jokingly.

“All I’m hearing is that you’re going to spend Christmas with me in London next year.” Tom sang teasingly. 

“Yeah, maybe bringing you to our big Christmas holidays is a bad idea.” You wondered out loud. 

“I like your family,” Tom commented with a smile “and I think they will love having me there for the holidays.” 

“That would be a nightmare.” You mumbled to yourself. 

The rest of the night dragged on. You and Tom finished the rest of your gifts—you got him a watch, he got you a vinyl player. You two managed to watch the first Harry Potter film before you called it a night. 

You were about to head into your room when you heard Tom say, “Mistletoe.”

“Hm?” You hummed, confused. He placed a finger under your chin and gently tilted your head. There you saw a mistletoe hanging by one of the light fixtures. 

“How did that even—” 

“Can I kiss you?” Tom asked, cupping the sides of your face. 

“Hm?” Tom was definitely giving you a run for your money. How can a girl with a speech turn speechless?

“Can I kiss you?” He asked more softly. All you could do was nod. For if you even dare to open your mouth, all of this would cease to exist.  

His lips gently touched yours and then soon moulded into one. It was soft, sweet—familiar. His lips were something you never thought about—at least not a lot but you craved it. You crave his lips, his touch, him. You were riding a new high and you thanked every single god that you were sober to remember this—because this, this is something you want to cherish. 

“You told me you’re tired of being alone,” Tom whispered against your lips. “You don’t have to be anymore. Not when you have me, not ever.”

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11​ @tomshufflepuff​ @spider-babe​ @goodgirlgonetom​

[mythiccheroacademia]

okay- first time requesting so im kind of nervous, but, hear me. Reader and class 1-A going out for the first time to a club and things getting lit and everyone living in the moment, reader gets a little drunk and wants to dance, so she gets one of the boys to dance with her but things start to get heated in the dance floor? with Kirishima, Sero and Bakugou? pretty plz 🥺

A/N: Bruh, fuck covid. I miss partying, but my ass finna stay tf home because these cases are kind of getting out of control. Stay safe yall. Also, everyone is 21+ in this 

Bnha X Fem!Reader

Warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol and drugs, a little spicy, but nothing you haven't seen before lmao

Kirishima Eijirou:

i hc kirishima to be that one unproblematic frat guy that loves to get lit

so when he heard the class wanted to go to the club, he was so hype 

if you’re taking shots, the man is right there with you 

bakugo can already tell he’ll be taking care of everyone’s drunk ass when he sees you and kirishima taking body shots off of mina 💀 

you and ochako see who can drink three beers the fastest

issa mess

after you’ve had your alcohol rounds, you and kiri are kinda just vibing with the music 

you’re laughing, talking, doing a little bit of shameless flirting~

then the alcohol hits you

and, oh look at that! theyre playing your favorite song!

you take kirishima’s hand and basically drag his ass to the floor

you two start dancing and it’s a hot mess for a second bc you can’t see and he lost all his rhythm on his second cup

but then you start looking at how his muscles look really good underneath the strobe lights and oh boy

he’s fine, like really fine

and you were ready to throw some ass

so you did

kirishima is one happy ass mf

he’s had fat ass crush on you for like 3000 yrs 

this is legit the best day of his life 

you two are really getting into it and denki and mina are hyping yall up like nobody’s business

you get up and fall back into his arms and you two laugh at what just happened

youre smiling at him like the sun and he knows he’s fucked 

kirishima makes his move

“you tryna get out of here?” he says in your ear

the look you give him makes him pull out his phone and call up an uber so fast 

Sero Hanta: 

i see sero as more of a smoker

he prefers to vibe out, but he was in the mood to get a little lit tonight

so he drinks something momo mixed together at the pregame 

he’s a lightweight so he sticks to one cup

meanwhile, your dumbass is onto your third lmao

but you two are a good kind of drunk so it’s really fun from the pregame all the way to the club 

you two are cracking jokes and just having a good time in each other’s presence 

some heavy flirting going on

the sexual tension is kinda thick

the entire class is looking at yall like 👀 

they know what’s up

but they eventually go out and let loose bc everyone is kind of off their asses 

anyways, the two of you just kind of chill by the bar, but then you see how everyone is having fun and dancing and you want to be there too 

“dance with me” you suddenly say to sero 

not one to pass up a chance to spend more time with you, he agrees and yall go in 

at first, youre just rocking to the music and he’s busting out these corny moves, trying to make you smile and youre laughing so hard

someone accidentally knocks you into his chest and he catches you out of reflex

even people are basically fucking on the dance floor, the atmosphere turns romantic?

you’re looking into each other’s eyes and suddenly, your lips are touching

then yall just start making out in the middle of the floor

(you might not be the only one’s doing it, but don't be that couple yall 💀)

sero starts kissing your neck and pressing up against you

you moan when you feel his excitement on your stomach

and damn that thing was long

yeaaaa you’re ready to go

you send a quick text to the girls gc, telling them that you’re leaving with sero and they start blowing up your phone, teasing you and wishing you a good night 

your night was def more than good 

Bakugo Katsuki: 

the fact that bakugo agreed to go to the club when you asked meant that he liked liked you, but you’re too dumb to notice 

he hated clubs, they were too noisy, dirty, and hot--and not in the good way

he’s only going bc to make sure you don’t do some slick shit and embarrass yourself 

and to make sure none of the dirty ass little boys pull a fast one on you bc  you’re looking good and he’ll fight anyone in the bih

anyways, when you get there, you’re just sipping on a couple margaritas to get you in the mood

all your friends from class 1-A were just talking and having fun until y’all separated into groups

some went to get some food, others were just by the bar, and your group went to go dance 

bakugo kind of just chilled in a spot where he could keep an eye out for you before he saw some shady-looking people trying to dance with you 

the reason why he charges into the crowd isn't bc he’s jealous or anything!! he just wants to make sure everything’s straight 

bakugo just cuts them off in the middle of their talking and gives them one look that sends them scurrying off 

while he’s yelling at you about stranger danger, you’re giving him bedroom eyes bc he was totally jealous and that just did something to you 

bakugo is too into basically arguing with himself to notice how a slow grinding song comes on, and your ass is already on him 

mans is stuck for a whole two seconds trying to process what’s going on, and then he’s on that ass like grass idc idc 

he’s here to finally prove to these extras that youre his 

when i say bakugo can catch yall...whew chile, he got some hips

as you twirl your hips, bakugo follows every movement, his hand going down to the back of your neck to bend you down more  

yall are basically fucking atp lmao 

gets to a point where he grabs you against his chest and straight up tells you 

“i’m fucking you up when we get to my place” 

let’s just say you had trouble walking the next day 

[atrophiedcompassion]

my second viewing of black widow: i cried, i laughed, i held my own hand, it was glorious

the opening sequence sets the tone for a high adrenaline movie, it's stunning and it goes so smooth from the quiet ohio suburb dinner time to exhilerating chase and you can't help but root for the russian agents.

nat begging not to be sent back, overly protective of yelena hits different the second time. it just fucking kills.

the opening credits, with the GORGEOUS and HAUNTING nirvana cover, chilling and so effective in setting the dark tone of the movie and its theme: trafficking of women, grooming and disposal of women, taken as young girls and subjected to the most awful things.

the high energy sequences are really well done. the close quarter fighting is spectacular. reddit is decrying the underuse of taskmaster, but that bih was overpowered. literally wiped the floor with natasha (on first encounter) AND the red guardian with ease. not someone you can actually fight to win

the apt fight between nat and yelena, so so so good. it reminded me of the berlin apt fight in atomic blonde. i also loved the appraisal moment between the two, esp nat taking in her lil sister

and then, the quiet moments. the dinner scene with the family felt corny on my first watch. alexey hamming it up, melina acting like a mom, suddenly the family myth is busted by natasha and yelena is stripped of the only good moments in her life, it felt...unearned. but on the second watch, you know these guys have held close those memories and nat is lashing out because she's hurt by melina's apparent lack of cooperation. it feels real.

a note: natasha was psychologically brainwashed and somehow one can never really put those demons away. that's why she's so tender hearted and tries so hard to wipe the red in her ledger. she did those things fully aware. yelena and the new get of widows were chemically controlled. and with the antidote, they're free. i believe the psychological baggage may be absent, which is why yelena seems so ok after years of being a widow.

the villain is the weinstein of the mcu and the scenes with him and nat were very hard to watch, especially on the second viewing. there was no subtext there, it was huge writing on the wall and i wouldn't have expected anything less from this movie. his demise should've been by nat's hand, or by the freed widows' hands (a la handmaid's tale), but the way he died was good too.

the resolution of the film works for me. natasha had wanted out, but now she has newly found family she should fight for. she knows there's hope for the avengers as well. so she and cap go bust the guys out of the raft and they're all on the run (except scott & clint who cut deals) till infinity war.

the post credit scene is good, but i wanted it to be nat's funeral. with all of the avengers and her family, with old cap, and sam and wanda. with bucky and alexey and melina. with yelena and clint. i know that every marvel movie somewhat needs to set up further movies, and the scene we got, with yelena and valentina does that. but maybe for a long overdue prequel about a char who is dead at the moment, perhaps a send off scene rather than setting up new adventures would've worked more for me.

yelena was the best. pugh exuded little sister energy throughout. harbour was hilarious and perfectly cast. scarlet shone and did a lot of subtle acting that showed her thoughts. and my milf rachel was perhaps underused but still a rounded character

[tomspancakes]

This Way: Part 6 (pls read author’s note)

*not my gif*

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 6824

Warnings: A crazy bih. Bit of violence and a smidge of blood? Probably wrong stuff about investing/ business world and such (sorry I’m a kinesiology major lol don’t judge) 

Summary: A lot ensues when Tom apologizes to y/n. Old feelings are brought up and a little adventure begins.

A/N: I was thinking of writing a story about Tom and y/n’s past after this, would you guys like that? Please lmk! Anywho don’t hesitate to ask to be in the taglist and lmk if you’re enjoying this. Enjoy part 6 <3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

+++

“Tom, before you say more, I’m going to move out.” Tom’s heart broke.

“W-wait, what? You can’t leave, y/n. You don’t need to.” He walked toward the edge of your bed and sat down next to you.

“Tom, I caused so many problems already a-and you were right, it was selfish of me to blame you for making things worse with the whole Allana situation. You were just trying to help.”

“No I was wrong hear me out before deciding to leave. I-I can change your mind. Please let me at least try.” He took your hand in his and looked at you in a pleading way. You thought about it before giving in and nodding your head.

“This doesn’t mean I’ll stay. I’m just gonna listen.” He nodded with a little hope in his mind.

“First off, everything I said to you down there I didn’t mean that. O-or I did say what I’ve been feeling, but in a completely wrong way. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was getting tipsy and saying stupid shit.” All he could look at was your hands in his. 

“No, Tom, you were right. I let you take the fall for MY privacy. I’m being selfish for letting you stay in this toxic ass relationship just because of my fears and insecurities.” Tom rubbed his thumbs over your knuckles and looked up at you.

“Y/n, I could never blame you for being afraid. I-I’ve been afraid, numb, and distant from everyone ever since we broke up…” You gave him a sad look, were you the cause of all his pain?

“B-but don’t worry it’s not your fault. I-I couldn’t move on. When we broke up I let most of my joy go along with you. I let all of my anger and sadness build up until I was numb a-and couldn’t even see which people would be good for my life, hence why I started dating Allana. I was just trying to fill the gaping hole in my heart. As soon as you came here it was like…” He looked into your eyes with realization, “I-I could feel again. But what I felt was all the pain and anger that was pushed to the back of my mind, it was creeping back and I tried to push it aside, and leaving was the only way to do that. I was happy to see you don’t get me wrong, but when I saw that you were on instagram live with Gavin it just made all my bottled up emotions burst out.” Tears began to well up in Tom’s eyes when he saw a couple rush down your cheeks. 

“You were the first person to talk to me so I released all that anger out on you. It was really a dick move for me to do, but they were all negative feelings from a dark place in my head. Please understand I didn’t mean everything I said.” You let go of his hands and jumped into his arms squeezing your eyes shut. His cologne filled your nostrils and you both relaxed in the hug.

“Tom, I’m so sorry you went through that and felt like you couldn’t tell anyone.” Tom started to shake a bit with sobs and you began to rub his back. 

“I-I understand. I was a real mess the first 2 months after the break up.” You let go of him and sat next to him again. He immediately held your hand again to comfort both you and him, your touch calmed him down. “It was hard for me to get out of bed every morning. I had to stay at a hotel alone because I’d lash out at my family members if they tried to help. A-and I had to delete social media for a few weeks because I couldn't bear to see your face. I-I cried or got angry every time I saw you. Harry and Zendaya helped me though because they noticed I wasn’t looking very healthy anymore, they watched me have some really bad breakdowns. Then I thought I was ok and started dating Gavin…” Tom’s brows furrowed not really wanting to hear about your relationship with him, 

“B-but I decided to break it off because it wasn’t fair to Gavin that I kept thinking about you.” You looked at Tom and his head snapped up at what you said, his heart skipped a beat. “Y-You were in my dreams and I frequently found myself checking on your instagram. Of course Harry and Z never knew because they’d scold me, but I couldn’t help myself.” You chuckled then sighed, “Thankfully Gavin understood though.” Tom’s eyes were wide, “Y-you never stopped caring for me?” You scoffed.

“Obviously not. I tried to reach out to you, remember?” Tom felt so dumb and face palmed.

“God I’m a damn idiot.” He groaned.

“Just a little bit.” You joked.

“I-I guess I was just afraid to see what would happen if I did decide to reply. I was scared to get hurt again.” You nodded understanding, “You know when I took you to that burger cafe that was the first time I’ve been in months.” 

“Yeah Harry told me. What happened the last time you were there? I-if you don’t mind sharing of course...” You asked curiously, but cautious because you didn’t want to make him more upset. 

“Well I thought I was over you. I had just started dating Allana and I wasn’t thinking about you as much anymore. When I finished ordering the burgers I thought it’d be a good idea to check your instagram… along with the photos you were tagged in. I saw that single photo the paps took of you and Gavin holding hands and I-I uh just broke. I know nothing was confirmed or anything, but I knew you’d date him because he was so good to you before and during the time we were dating. I wished so much that I was him in that moment, I regretted letting you go.” You looked at him sadly and he looked stressed. “I stayed in my car for a really long time just crying and I went through old videos and pictures of you and I.” He scoffed, “I even went through our old messages and stalked accounts that shipped us together. I-it was really hard for me to be there because it always reminded me of you and the pain I went through. I didn’t want to feel like that again, but when you came back I just felt like it’d be ok to go there. Even though we barely spoke then, I-I just felt so good for some reason.”

“I guess we never really got over one another then…” You said looking at him apologetically and he nodded in agreement.

You sighed and flopped back on your bed and put your hands over your lap with your legs dangling off the edge. Tom followed suit, but took your small hand again, this time intertwining your fingers together.

“Tom, I don’t think we should be hol-” Tom didn’t want to let go so he cut you off.

“You know when I said everything I do is for you, the night before I left?” He turned his head to look at you, you kept staring at the ceiling and nodded, “Well I meant it.” 

You sighed, “Tom you don’t have to do anything for me.”

“I know I don’t. Yet I both unconsciously and consciously do. I’d do anything for you, y/n.” You turned to him and his face was so close you felt the air coming out of his nose, “Haz and Tuwaine told me I couldn’t run from my feelings, so now I’m going to confront them. I never stopped caring for you, I’d throw away all my happiness just to make sure you're ok. If you don’t want the world to know about our past then I’ll stay with Allana.” He said that with all seriousness. Your heart melted and you looked into his eyes. He looked down at your lips then back at your eyes and started to lean in. You sat up quickly,

“S-sorry, Tom, we shouldn’t do that now.” He sat up as well looking down at his hands sadly and nodded, “But I’m not gonna let you stay with that bitch. We have to figure something out.” He gave you a half smile and nodded,

“I actually went to my old mate, Connor, and found out some really terrible things, but it could really help our case. I was gonna tell you as soon as I got home, but you know I fucked everything up.”

“No you didn’t, Tom, you needed to get things off your chest and we needed to talk about our feelings. We can look at it as a blessing in disguise.” You smiled at him kindly and patted his hands, “Now tell me everything.” Tom smiled at you admiringly.

“Well first off when we first started dating she told me that her last boyfriend broke up with her because she was moving to a new city, but then Connor ended up telling me that it was actually because she cheated on her ex.” He looked at you thinking you’d know what’d happen next. “What? Keep going, I’m no sherlock.” You both laughed for the first time in a long time.

“Well, Connor told me that her ex, Cody, went to the bank one day and he took out some of the money he invested in Allana’s company because it wasn’t doing too well. When she noticed there was less money to spend she started spying on him. Coincidentally a new girl came into his work and he was showing her around and Allana assumed he was cheating. Mind you they were on the 6th floor of a building which is nuts...” You widened your eyes and checked your window to make sure the curtains were closed.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised to hear that, but keep talking.” 

“That’s not even the crazy part, love. First off Cody was some super successful real estate agent and invested maybe $2 million pounds. Second Allana thought she needed a new guy in case Cody was actually cheating, and the guy she cheated on him with was Ollie Williams.”

“Wait… That farm guy from season 6 of Love Island?”

“Yeah and guess what?” Tom asked enthusiastically, waiting for you to reply.

“Oh my god he’s rich too.” You said realizing the connection. Tom nodded.

“When Cody found out Allana was cheating he immediately broke up with her. After a few days his banker called saying he was making some weird purchases, like buying a bunch of designer clothes and whatnot. After that he found out that Allana had been sneaking into his flat at night and taking his credit cards and then putting them back when she was done with it.” 

“She’s fucking crazy, how do we know she’s not in here right now?” You asked, scooting closer to Tom, he laughed and he slid his arm around your waist. He looked at his phone,

“It’s a Friday so she should be drinking with her friends about now.” You nodded and relaxed a bit, “Anyway Cody tried to have her arrested, but Allana threatened to tell Ollie’s girlfriend that he cheated on her. So to keep Allana’s mouth shut, Ollie’s family did the task of investing in Allana’s business and she has an uncle in the Police department. All Cody has now is a restraining order on Allana.”

“Wait there’s no way all this happened, this is literally insane. Connor must’ve lied a little bit.” You said in disbelief.

“I thought the same thing, this is something you’d only see in the movies, but Connor wouldn’t. He told me he could literally get sued if anyone in Ollie’s family finds out this news got out since it was a private investment. Obviously Ollie’s girlfriend ended up finding out about Allana though because he confessed on Love Island that he cheated on her.” Then it hit you.

“Holy shit. Have you checked your bank account?” You asked, this was insane.

“Yeah I did, no weird activity.” He said nonchalantly.

“Ok then how’d you meet Allana?” 

“At a mutual friend’s party. She came up to me saying she didn’t really know anyone else and-” Tom’s eyes widened, “Oh my god. The Williams' probably stopped investing and she set something up so she could start dating me huh?” You nodded, but still curious about something.

“I just don’t understand why she hasn’t taken a lot of money away from you yet though.”

“I’m not quite sure either, I mean I’ve given her like 2 expensive things, but she’s never asked me to invest or anything.” He thought in silence for a second and you yawned. Everything that happened tonight was making you sleepy.

“Oh shit. There’s a safe in the house with emergency money.” Tom said, he jumped up and you followed closely behind him. “God I’m such an idiot! I wrote the code down on a paper and thought I misplaced it. Allana probably stole it.” He was stressing out. When you entered his room he pushed aside clothes that were in front of the safe and punched in a 7 digit number and opened the door.

“Fuck fuck fuck!”

“What, Tom, is something gone?” Tom got up and gave you a view of the safe.

“It’s about ¾ empty.” He stated and began cursing furiously and pulling his hair.

“H-how much did you have in there originally?” You asked, worried for Tom.

“A little over 3 million pounds.” He groaned and slid down the wall next to his closet.

“Oh my god, Tom.” You didn’t know what else to say or do.

“I know it’s not much of a dent in my bank account, but it’s still a lot of money that belongs to me. We need to do something.” You nodded, “But if we do she’s going to tell everyone about you and I. It’s also gonna cause so much unnecessary controversies in the media.  Remember what happened to you the last time the world found out about your pa-”

“Yes of course I remember.” You said not wanting to talk about it, “What are we gonna do then?” You asked, defeated. Tom took your hand and pulled you down to sit next to him. 

“I think we should go over to her flat tomorrow and call the police.” 

“Why don’t we just call them now?” You asked him like he was crazy.

“Because today was already shit enough. And I can tell you’re really tired, love, I know I am.” You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder, “Plus tonight may be the last night we spend together... unless you don’t move.” 

“Oh... right, I uh totally forgot about that.” The decision floating back in your head of whether or not you should stay.

“Yeah so, I think I’d rather end the night on a lighter note. Perhaps with a movie or a little cuddle with my…” He looked up at you with his tired eyes, “friend.” You chuckled, but both of you hurt by the word somehow.

“How the hell are you calm right now? A shit ton of money just got stolen from you, we should be talking to the police right now.” You said shaking your head.

“So much shit happened today, yet you just being here with me somehow makes me feel like everything will be ok.” Tom breathed out, taking your hand in his. Your heart sped up when you both locked eyes, “Can we please do something else now?”

“You’re unbelievable. You know that?” You rolled your eyes, hinting that you're giving in. 

“Yay!” Tom exclaimed and he picked you up and put you on his lap holding you so tight. 

“Tom, come on let go.” You hit his arms, but he just squeezed you tighter. You giggled and rested your chin on top of his curly hair.

“I’m not gonna lie. I did miss your crackhead energy.” You joked and he moved his head up close to yours quickly. 

“You’re gonna pay for that.” Then he got up and began tickling your sides.

“T-Tom p-please stop!” He laughed at your struggle. “Please, I-I can’t b-breathe.” He stopped tickling you and kissed your cheek. He stared at you wide eyed realizing what he just did. Tom felt like you were a couple again just in those 45 seconds, it was crazy that your cute little laugh could make him forget all the crazy shit going on. You cleared your throat and stood up.

“So a movie then?” You patted yourself down and he nodded, “Ok I’ll go put some pjs on then.” You turned to walk out and he face palmed as soon as you passed through his door.

-

You and Tom sat with your backs on the headboard watching Inception. You began to get sleepy half way through the movie and laid your head on Tom’s lap. He looked down, the light from the film reflected off your beautiful face and Tom felt like he was falling for you all over again. He began to gently brush your hair with his fingers making you sleepy. You enjoyed this and missed his soft touch making you relax, and that’s when you decided, “Tom?” You asked sleepily.

“Yes, darling?” Although he called Allana darling once, the nickname made you feel how you did when you two were previously dating. It made your heart feel light.

“I’m not going anywhere.” With that you drifted into sleep. Tom smiled widely and kept brushing your hair until he heard your cute soft snores indicating that you were officially out cold. He carefully picked you up and moved you so that your head was now rested on his chest. He shut the TV off and looked at your face lovingly until he too drifted off into the best sleep he’s had since before you two had broken up.

- 

“Tom! Have you seen Y/n? She wasn’t-” Harry barged into Tom’s room, “Oh what the fuck, are you serious?” You stirred and opened your eyes to see Tom’s sleeping face.

“Mmm shut up.” Tom said and you tried to get up, but he grumbled and pulled you closer.

“No get the hell up.” Harry said, sounding unhappy and you finally got out of Tom’s embrace. He rubbed his eyes and sat up fast realizing what was going on.

You laughed awkwardly, “Harry… how’s it going?” He looked at you then at Tom then smiled,

“So? What the hell happened, I’m surprised you guys made up so fast, are you dating again?” Harry said super excited and he jumped onto the edge of the bed. You and Tom gave one another a strange look. 

“Well I wasn’t expecting that...” Tom said awkwardly.

“N-no we’re not dating again. We made up as friends. Tom is still with Allana at the moment.” When you said that you were both reminded of all the bad things that you both have to deal with now.

“Harry, we found out some really bad shit about Allana.” Tom said.

“Oh you finally realized she’s a psychopa-” Tom rolled his eyes and cut him off.

“She stole almost 2.25 million pounds from our emergency vault.” 

“What the fuck?” Harry yelled and he got back up, “Mum and dad are going to kill you for losing this much money. How the fuck did she even get the code? Tom, you’re literally so irresponsible. We need to call the fucking police.” Tom let his little brother ramble and scold him before saying,

“Yeah we’re gonna head over to Allana’s soon and if she doesn’t give us the money we will. Trying to not have too many controversies right now you know?” Harry looked at his brother like he was insane, but sighed and nodded.

“That’s literally the dumbest shit I’ve heard, but it’s your money. How the hell are you being so calm about this?” 

Tom slid his hand on top of yours, but under the duvet so that Harry wouldn’t see, “I don’t know, just have a feeling that things are gonna be ok.” He squeezed your hand lightly and your pulse quickened. 

“Hm maybe Allana’s insanity is just rubbing off on the both of you.” Harry said suspiciously, “Wait, y/n, does this mean you're staying?” He looked at you with hopeful eyes and you nodded. Tom quickly removed his hand from yours when Harry cheered and pulled you up from the bed to shield you from Tom, “As much as I’m glad that you guys are good now, Y/n, is my best friend and MY best friend only ok? So back off, Tom.”

“You're such a goof, Harry. You will always be my best friend.” You hugged Harry and he stuck his tongue out at Tom. This started a playful fight because Tom slapped Harry in the face, so Harry jumped out of your embrace and onto Tom and they wrestled before you said,

“Oh my god. You are both so immature. Knock it off so we can bring that bitch down and get your money back.” They laughed and got up to get ready.

-

“Ready to go? Harry’s warming up the car.” Tom said with a piece of toast in his mouth as he tied his shoes. You nodded and had ice cubes over your eyebags. 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

“Reducing the puffiness of my eyes from last night’s antics.” 

“Mm fix mine.” Tom said while chewing the last bit of his toast. You giggled and walked over to him and placed the cubes on his puffy eyes. He was looking down at you and you stared into his beautiful brown irises.

“You look gorgeous even with puffy eyes, y/n.” You blushed a bit, “Well I mean you always look gor-” You and Tom were snapped out of the moment when Harry honked the car horn. You put the ice cubes in the trash and Tom asked, “Do I look less shitty now?”

“You never look shitty. Handsome as always.” You pinched his cheek and walked off. You were making Tom’s heart beat like crazy. He couldn’t even keep his mind straight on the mission you three were about to embark.

-

“Harrison and Tuwaine were playing games and drinking when I put the dishes away last night. So they’re probably gonna be out til this afternoon. Why can’t you just tell me everything now?” Harry groaned.

“Because it was a really long story which wouldn’t be fun to repeat.” You said.

“Plus, we’re almost at Allana’s.” Tom added and Harry huffed because he was impatient. “Ah park there, not in the driveway just in case she chases or something and need to drive off fast.” Tom said seriously and pointed at an empty spot on the street near Allana’s flat.

“Do you think she’s awake?” You asked.

“Who cares? I hope that bitch is asleep so we can ruin it.” You laughed at Harry’s sass.

“Even better that she’s most likely gonna be hung over.” Tom added, “Ok, Harry, keep your phone out just in case Allana does something crazy.” Harry nodded and you all walked to her front door with Tom leading. Tom knocked on the door aggressively.  

“Open up Allana we need to talk.” Tom yelled.

“Ugh you can stop I’ll get it.” You heard a muffled raspy voice. The door swung open to a hungover Allana, “Tommy, I wasn’t expecting you til-” She realized who was behind him, “What the fuck are they doing here.” She snarled then laughed at all your glares. “Oh so you found out mine and Tom’s little deal didn’t you?”

“We found out about a lot of other things too.” You said sternly. 

She raised her eyebrow, “And what may that be?” 

“We know about your situation with Ollie and Cody.” Tom said and her eyes widened.

“Wait, that guy Ollie from Love Island?” Harry looked at Tom who rolled his eyes because he interrupted and nodded at his brother. 

Harry’s mouth formed an ‘o’ before adding, “Well we also know that you stole about 2.25 million pounds as well. If you don’t give us the money back we’re gonna bring the police into this.” Harry showed his phone to her with the numbers 999 ready.

“And also make sure your business is shut down for good.” Tom said.

“I’m afraid half of the money has already been spent.” She said smugly and smirked.

“What the fuck. Harry, call the police.” You said, he nodded and was about to press the call button, but Allana stopped him. 

“Oh no no wait a second. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” She pulled her phone out her robe pocket. “I knew something like this was going to happen so I went ahead and made a draft of the story I was going to tell TMZ. If you call the cops I’ll send the story in with the click of a button.” Tom looked at you knowing that you really didn’t want that. You were trying to think of any solution, but Tom sighed and held your hand before speaking up,

“Alright then. You want money right? How much do you want so you can get out of my life.” You widened your eyes.

“Tom no you can’t do that. I-It’ll be ok. I need to learn to get through it, I signed up for this life when becoming an actress.” You smiled at him and squeezed his hand. Harry’s eyes never left Allana’s phone as she waved it in front of you two. 

“Uh hello? I’d happily make a deal with you, Tommy. Your choice, do you really wanna break your promise…” You drowned her voice out as Harry slid his phone in your other hand and he jumped between you and Tom successfully taking Allana’s phone. 

“Hurry, y/n. Call the cops!” Harry yelled from behind Allana and you pressed the call button letting go of Tom’s hand. Allana got angry and grabbed a vase that was on a table by the door. She chucked it right at Harry’s head and he knocked out. 

“Harry! Oh my god.” You stepped inside to help Harry, but Tom stopped you. “No, I'll help him. talk to the police.” You nodded and he rushed to help his brother. You looked around and couldn’t see Allana until you felt cold metal pressed against your neck and you knew where she was. Tom stood up looking both scared and angry,

“No. Try to come near me and I’ll fucking slit her throat.” She yelled and you whimpered as tears began to roll down your cheeks, “Now, Tom, slide my phone to me. And y/n I want you to hang up.” 

As you were pulling the phone away from your ear you heard, “Hello? What-” and you ended the call. ‘Well that was shit timing.’ You thought. 

Tom kicked her phone over while tears began to roll down his cheeks, “Allana, p-please let her go now. We did what you wanted.” He said with his arms out trying to calm her down.

“No. Now I want money in exchange for her life.” She pressed the knife closer and you shut your eyes in fear.

“Ok ok. How much do you want? I can’t give you too much right away because that’d be suspicious.” Tom looked into your eyes and you knew he was stalling, the police still had to come just to make sure everything was ok.

“Well you’ll have to figure out a way to get a lot to me very soon. I want 7 million pounds by next week.”

“What’d you need that for, fleeing the country or some-” 

“Stop messing the fuck around. Now agree or she dies.” Tom looked behind you and relaxed a bit.

“Freeze! Drop the weapon.” You felt a bit relieved that the police came after all. Allana turned the both of you around and you squealed because you felt the knife cut into your skin a little bit. Tom tried to run up to you but Allana’s grip tightened on you, “Back the fuck off!” She snarled at Tom.

“Sir please stay where you’re at we’ll handle this.” You looked into Tom’s eyes and all you saw was fear. 

“Miss please drop the knife now or else I will shoot you.” The officer clocked the gun. Allana contemplated for a bit before sighing and removing the knife from your neck and dropped it. She was put in handcuffs, “I swear you both will pay for this shit.” Allana snarled as she was pulled away. 

You ran over to Tom and you sobbed. He held your quivering body and rubbed your back. 

“I’m so sorry, love. I shouldn’t have brought you, I put you in danger. I-I was so scared.” He kissed the top of your head and you felt his tears drop on your head. He hugged you tighter like it was the last time he’d see you.

“We need medics.” An officer said into her comms then she crouched down and shook Harry after feeling his pulse, “Sir? Can you hear me? Please wake up.” You let go of Tom and rushed over to Harry.

“Harry come on get up you’re ok.” He stirred and blinked his eyes a few times. 

“What the fuck? Wh-what did I miss? Y/n why is your neck bleeding?” You widened your eyes and felt your neck, it stung a tiny bit and felt wet. 

Tom was freaking out, “Shit, Y/n, are you feeling ok? I swear I’m gonna make that bitch pay.” You nodded.

“Ya. I-I think she just gave me a little scratch.” He looked at you worriedly.

“Yeah thanks, Tom, I’m good too.” Harry joked and Tom looked at his brother apologetically while helping him sit up. A medic went up to Harry and another one followed closely behind and went to you. 

“May I check the cut?” They asked and you nodded. Tom sat you down on the couch. You lifted your chin. “You’re ok, thankfully she didn’t cut deep, but you’ll need a thicker bandage. This is gonna sting a bit.” You nodded and hissed as the rubbing alcohol burned your cut. Tom squeezed your hand and kissed the top of your head. “You’re ok, darling.” When he called you darling you took your mind off the pain. You opened your eyes to see Tom’s brown ones already looking at you and you smiled at him. His face was full of concern so you put a hand on his cheek and he relaxed in your touch. You felt a cloth go over your cut.

“Alright you’re all done. Just change the bandage every so often.” The medic gave you a bag of more bandages.

“Thank you.” You smiled weakly and they nodded. You and Tom walked over to Harry and the other medic shined a light to his eyes.

“Yep you have a concussion forsure. You need to take it easy for the next few days, no bright lights, and no crazy exercising. Make sure he follows what I said and make things easier for him.” The medic looked at you both and nodded. The medic gave Harry an icepack and you all thanked him.

“You guys are gonna be my servants haha.” Harry joked and you laughed lightly as he tried to make the situation better.

“We need to talk to the officers.” Tom said putting his hand on the small of your back. You nodded giving Harry a quick hug letting him rest in his spot before heading over to the police. 

-

“Well today was really eventful.” Harry said sleepily from the backseat.

“It’s been an eventful 2 weeks for me, she made that dumb deal the night of the dinner.” Tom said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I mean I’m just glad we got her off your ass.” You said.

“Yeah me too, but I feel like it’s not the last we’ll see of her. Her uncle is a cop, remember?” Tom reminded you. You’re body tensed a bit and nodded. Tom noticed and reached over the console to rub your hand indicating that he won’t let anything bad happen.

“Oh you’re shitting me. That’s not right.” Harry groaned. “Well maybe they’ll be more strict on her because she literally tried to kill y/n.” Your eyes widened realizing that you really almost just died. 

“Harry! Don’t say it like that.” Tom said realizing you got even more scared.

“N-no. It’s alright she knocked you out, loser.” You weakly joked and Harry laughed. Tom just looked over at you concerned.

-

“Yeah the money will be returned when they finish interrogating Allana.” Tom said. Everyone living in the house was seated in the living room, Zendaya and your parents were on facetime on your laptop, and Tom’s parents were on facetime on his laptop. You and Tom had just explained everything that went down with the whole Allana deal. 

Nikki sighed, “Well I’m just glad that all three of you are safe now. Tom, you need to be more careful with your money.” Tom got a little embarrassed and you rubbed his back. “I trust that this will be a lesson learned.” 

He nodded and sighed, “Definitely learned something.” Nikki and Dom nodded worriedly.

“Alright well, if that’s all we’ll let you go. If you lot need anything, we're only a call and just a few blocks away.” Dom said. You and the boys nodded.

“Oh, Y/m/n, make sure you send me that recipe of the beef roast. It looked delicious on your facebook!” Nikki added and your mom nodded before everyone exchanged goodbyes with Tom’s parents.

“I’m so sorry for putting your daughter in danger. I-I shouldn’t have brought her, I assure you that she is very safe with my mates and I. If you want I can update-” Tom was beginning to ramble nervously, but your mom cut him off.

“Tom, sweetie there’s no need to do that. We trust all you boys and we trust y/n can take care of herself.”

“Yeah we’ll make sure she’s eating her veggies and fruits as well.” Harrison said and Tom slapped his arm. Everyone laughed at the way he teased Tom. 

“Alright, I’ll talk to you guys later!” You said.

“Wait, y/n, can we talk to you in private?” Your dad asked and you nodded as Tom gulped. You got up from your spot to go to the kitchen. As soon as you sat your dad spoke.

“Are you sure you’re ok there? ‘Cause I’m not sure I want you to stay. And I don’t know if I even trust Tom being there. Maybe-”

“No, dad, I swear to you everything is ok. Plus, you know Tom is a good guy, he wouldn’t do anything bad.” You stated.

“Yeah if he does anything stupid I’ll make sure he pays for it.” Zendaya said seriously.

“Ah thank you, Z. You’re always such a good friend.” Your dad said and you and your mom agreed as Zendaya nodded and flipped her hair jokingly.

“But seriously y/n’s right. Tom is a really good guy. You can trust him.” Your parents looked at one another nodding trusting her words. ‘Why the hell don’t they trust what I say?’ You thought.

“Alright we’re going to go eat now. Text or call if you need anything. It was wonderful seeing you, Z, I’ll drop off some baked goods in a few days.” Your mom said and Zendaya cheered while you pouted. You all said your goodbyes, but Zendaya stayed on.

“Y/n, I know damn well that something happened between you and Tom. It’s literally so obvious he kept looking at you and I saw you rub his back like you guys didn’t have a past.” You laughed at how well she could read you and every situation ever.

“Well a lot happened in literally one week. I just don’t think I’m ready for anything though, like you said it’s time for myself now.” You sighed then cleared your throat, “but nonetheless I’ll update you as soon as you’re not busy, as long as you update me about Jacob as well.” She laughed and nodded.

“Will do, but take as much time and space as you need. I know he’d wait.” You nodded trusting every word she said, “alright I’m gonna go eat now. Love you bihhh!”

“Love you too, stay safe!” You hung up and walked to the living room.

“Everything ok?” Tom asked a little nervous because your dad wanted to talk in private.

“He was probably saying he wants to drop kick your ass as soon as he sees you, Tom.” Tuwaine said and you the boys snickered as that only made Tom more nervous.

“No he didn’t. He just wanted to make sure I’m alright.” You said and Tom relaxed.

“You guys want to have a comedy movie marathon to cheer you up?” Harrison asked.

“I think that is very much needed. Go ahead and start it. I’m gonna change my bandage first and get Harry some shades, he can’t look at bright lights.” You explained and the boys snickered at that. Harry flipped them all off.

“I’ll help you, y/n. Plus I have some nice shades Harry can wear.” Tom said kindly and you nodded smiling back. Haz and Tuwaine made kissy faces behind Tom and you rolled your eyes before walking upstairs.

When you got to your room Tom pulled out the desk chair for you and he grabbed the first aid kit. “I can do it myself, Tom.” 

“Nonsense, let me take care of you, darling. It was my fault after all.” Your heart melted, he was being so kind.

“It wasn’t your fault at all, we wouldn’t have been in this mess if I wasn’t scared for the world to know about us. The situation would’ve been handled a lot less hectic.” You sighed feeling bad. Tom peeled the dirty bandage off and held your hand as he wiped your cut with the alcohol. You squeezed your eyes shut and Tom pulled your hand to his lips kissing your knuckles gently then rubbing them with his thumb. He placed the bandage on your cut and let your hand go.

“I wouldn’t mind hiding a relationship with you again though…” He said as you lowered your head back down. you opened your eyes and he looked into yours seriously. You looked at him apologetically and he dropped his head back while brushing his hands through his hair. “God I’m such an idiot. Sorry pretend I didn’t say that.” His ears and cheeks were turning red.

“Tom-” 

“No no it’s ok I get it. You want to be friends. Wh-which is ok of course because I’d rather be friends than nothing. I’m not saying I like you right now or any-” You giggled a bit, but got a little hurt when he said the last part. 

“Tom! Let me speak.”

“Oh s-sorry, love.” He said looking at you and you smiled at his cuteness.

“I’m not going to lie. I-I think I started to have feelings for you too. Like I said I don’t think I ever truly got over you…”

“Oh. Well in that case I definitely haven’t gotten over you. I didn’t mean what I said just now I think I do li-” He stopped realizing he interrupted you again, “oops sorry.”

You giggled again, “Anyway, I know we both want something more right now, b-but we should just stay friends for now.” His heart dropped and he looked at you with confusion and sadness, “I just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago and I told Zendaya this would be the time for me to grow. Plus you just got out of a really crazy relationship. And after hearing about both of our stories after our break up, I-I really think we should learn to be ok with ourselves first.” He sighed and nodded. “Don’t get me wrong though. I have feelings for you, Tom. I’m just not ready to-” “Yeah ok I understand. I’m gonna go get my orange shades for Harry now.” He turned and began to walk away.

“Tom wait I wasn’t done ta-” He turned back to face you at your doorway. 

“Just know that I’ll wait for you, darling. Take all the time you need. I’m a little upset, but just take your time.” You looked at him as tears welled up in your eyes and your heart skipped a beat. “Really. I’ll wait for you.” He was upset, but he couldn’t let his anger cloud over his feelings for you.

+++

Tag list: @averyfosterthoughts​ @thollandx​ @mrsjeffwittek​ @panicattheeverywherekid​ @racewife2004​ @greatpizzascissorstaco​ @witchything​ @wheelertozier​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @rafficorn​ @jessirosebud​ @peterspideyy​  @superstarchick​ @jackiehollanderr​ @astridcommings​ @mineymak712​ @hollands-osterfield​ @inhumanwithpowers​ @aduky​ @thevelvetseries​ @twelfthnightorwhatyouwill1998​ @stahpppppp​ @calcliffornia​

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

20. Part 3

I can’t believe that they all kicked us out because of sex, I mean that is the issue, which is kind of funny but also rude, I don’t even think we are loud, it’s mostly Robyn that is. She is bad, and I can imagine she will be hopefully tonight “you know I am your wife now Chris, you got to treat me like one. What I mean by that is you got to tell me about things, and also you got to be careful about these girls when you get back to Cali, that is my concern now, I am concerned that you have pathetic friends but you’re married now. Chris if you cheat on me you won’t ever see me again” looking over at Robyn, she is being deadass about this “risk losing you and my daughter? Nah, nothing is worth that. I have chosen you over everything Robyn, don’t worry. I ain’t going to cheat or anything, do you not trust me?” I thought she was joking but she is not smiling “I trust you, but if you so happen to have drugs and you pass out, like I know you can, you would be none the wiser. If there are stories coming out too, I am going to be hurt. Don’t do me like that and don’t do drugs, I am your happy space and I’m ok with that but Chris I won’t be there” shaking my head “I am going Cali; sorting shit out and I am coming back to you. Likewise for you too, I don’t want you to be texting Drake, I hate Drake again you know” Robyn snorted laughing “what don’t people get, Drake likes me. I don’t like him; he is fucking corny and I laugh at him. He would jump if I said it to him, he’s been awfully quiet now, but I don’t like him like that. He was a rebound and now he’s a creep. They all want him to be the dad, I would never. I am happy with you, but honestly. Don’t hate him, he has nothing on you, I just side eye him” Robyn laughs at it but I hate him “see what I mean, it’s like he has hurt you too and upset you but I am the bad one, I think everyone including me thought Drake was the dad” Robyn shook her head “I just don’t want you to think I will accept shit, I won’t. I do see you are being real with me though, tired of that life now?” nodding my head “hell yes, surprised I ain’t dead. Whippets was kicking my ass, not going to lie. Sometimes I miss it, I do want it but then I see you” I grinned “and I am not there Chris, it’s a big test you know. But I trust you, remember that? Just not the people around you” I can understand where she is coming from with this, I don’t trust my friends at all.

Sighing out “how do you think my family are going to react? Like you know them somewhat so tell me how you think they will react?” I asked Robyn, she does know them somewhat, but I am wondering what they will be like “hmmm, good question. I think you will get the ones that dislike me, I think you will have the ones happy for you. But your mom is not how I remembered her to be Chris, she was so sweet. I am not sure, maybe she might take it well and be happy for you. What do you think?” Robyn asked me “I feel my mom will be telling me I will fuck this up, what about my other kids. I am not capable of being a father” I laughed “how can she say that when she made you the way you are? Honestly, Chris, I think you do your best. With time and some loving you will be fine, all you needed was support and she couldn’t give that. I think with Joyce, she has given up on you and doesn’t know what to do and as a mother she may just be fed up with you. But Chris, you’re my husband and I won’t take any shit for anyone with you, I won’t let them put you down like that, you can be a good father. I am not having Joyce near my child if she thinks that. Like we are going to raise our child and my mom would be the same, she would tell me you popped the baby out so get on with it but if I needed it she would help me. I uhm, I think they will be happy for you. Maybe not like that you are with me most of the time, they like to keep you close, I know that” Robyn is right “I am moving to you” I said “but Chris you can always be there and go back of course, what about your kids? I think you need to move it around a little bit, first of all you haven’t even tested out London. I got a whole house there now, I will be mad” I chuckled “I know, I am going to kick off if I can’t you know” Robyn side eyed me “no you don’t, you then go to another country and then you wait there. No drama now, we have to overcome these things together. I will come to you” nodding my head but not happy.

The car journey got my ass numb as fuck “they really trying to get rid of us, like we way out now” I said looking out of the window “good, we get some peace but honestly Chris. You do trust me right?” Robyn asked “with my life I do” smiling at her “that means a lot, everything I do will always have you in mind. If I can help you while helping myself then I will” Robyn knows that I do “you don’t need to do that but thank you. Just everything gets taken from me, like my family be using my shit like I don’t mind it but when you don’t treat me right then it gets to me, my mom opened her clothing line and then started selling my things on the side to get sales, Black Pyramid have been taken over by my family and they made money out of it. Look, I don’t mind it but then they are taking me for advantage when they are disrespecting me on the low, but if I say something I look the bad one and I have bipolar. They always bring it up” Robyn frowned, she reached over holding my hand “let it go” she said, “let what go?” I questioned “the clothing line, let it go and cut ties. Once the fans see that they will not fuck with it, if they don’t fuck with you and give you the respect then do it. I did it with my dad because he didn’t give me the respect I deserved. When we got married we created a whole new identity for us both, maybe we can do something together or whatever, but you know. I think maybe it’s good that you need to be back in Cali also because being with me every day probably is not going to be good for your mental state” Robyn laughed but I don’t think it is funny “or you want me to not be near you, I ain’t ever going to leave you alone. I told you I pick you over everyone, I actually love you even more because you actually picked me over everyone too, you didn’t care for others” I am so happy that Robyn did that “it’s about us now, your people are going to hate me even more” I shrugged not caring for what they think.

“Did I tell you that I am deciding on a water birth now?” Robyn did mention that, but I didn’t take notice “uhhh what is that? Why don’t you just have a baby in a hospital, that’s like normal. What exactly is a water birth and are you making life hard?” turning to Robyn in the seat, Robyn laughed and I know that laugh because she is making things hard when it can be simple “let me show you” Robyn is laughing, I know her and she is being difficult “I would never make life hard thank you, I am reading into it and I think the idea is better. I will be at home too, and it’s private for me because like ok the hospital is the best but I can be at home” Robyn turned her phone to me “wait, the baby is drowning?” pulling a face “oh nah, that is full of blood, who going to see that!?” I spat “move your phone” turning my head “Maurice Brown! Excuse me, that is you that will be seeing this! And no the baby doesn’t drown stupid, the baby is in fluid now. When it gets delivered it will be fine. It’s better for me too and more relaxing but knowing you, you will make it the least bit relaxing. Why are you pulling a face!? Chris, you will be seeing this” Robyn is deadass with this “uh, yeah ok. With a blindfold on, ayo I saw a man in the water with the woman in those Google pictures? I mean that must be weird to be that close” Robyn mean mugged me “you’re banned now, I don’t even want you there. I think you are going to be useless for me” I laughed shaking my head “I will be there but that looks scary” not going to lie, that is scary.

Walking onto the private balcony, this place is so nice, like the peace right now I am feeling. We have direct ocean views, like I can see the ocean under my feet from the clear flooring, this is amazing, but I can imagine how expensive it must have been for them. As soon as I got onto the bungalow I took my top off, cause it’s still hot as hell out here even though the sun is setting. Downing the wine from the glass and placing the glass on the ledge and getting my phone out from my pocket, Robyn thinks I won’t be there for her but I will be the first one there to support her but this is a scary thing to happen, I mean I will see a baby come out of her, it’s also scary because when Robyn said anything could happen, I don’t want anything to happen to her. Putting my camera on and holding my hand up to the sunset which blocked it out, showing off my wedding band from Robyn. Taking the picture of it, looking down at the picture, dope picture actually. Posting it up on Instagram and captioning it ‘Married to myself LIFE! Really Rubbish Feeling Bih’ I sniggered to myself, those letters but let me post this, pressing send smiling to myself jumping at a pair of arms snaking around me “scared me there” I said, her bump pressing right against my back. It is cute, she is cute. Feeling her lips kissing on my back, I think maybe someone is wanting sex.

Stuffing my phone in my pocket turning to Robyn “woah!” I spat, she changed “that better be a good woah” my eyes widened, Robyn out here with some sexy ass lingerie “you know how crazy suspenders make me, oh my god! Fucking beautiful” placing my hand over my heart “I am shook, like you look so good” Robyn smirked “well come on then” she grabbed my hand, the air got caught in my throat when Robyn turned around and seeing her booty out, she out here wearing sexy lace “oh this is going to be good” I said smiling, walking back into the room “well I am not going to not have sex with you, we need to do the deed but being married now. Which is weird now” biting on my bottom lip as Robyn turned to me, the back of my hand lightly stroking her cheek. My hand travelled down to her neck, my hand around Robyn’ neck loosely and I moved in for a kiss, my lips on hers, slow and sensual. Robyn put her arms around my neck, kissing me back. It is a different feeling, this is my wife now, this is all so different now. My free hand slid up and placed it behind her back, touching her bare skin. I didn’t rush the kiss, because I have a lifetime with this woman so I can take my time but I ended up smiling against her lips, moving back from the kiss “I love you” kissing Robyn’ cheek and moving back “you know like when we have sex, it’s always like we race. We rush because we don’t know if we would do it again, this is different. I feel it, I really do” Robyn cooed out “I feel the shift in energy for us, so much love” she looked down and pressed a kiss onto my chest “we have nothing to rush for anymore” she is right we don’t.

We kissed passionately, and Robyn reached down between us and grabbed my dick through my pants, moving back looking at Robyn, she smirked and leaned up to me and kissed me again, slowly and teasingly this time, she unbuttoned my pants with her hands and tugged my pants down and then started on my boxers. She started to slide my boxers off my thighs, moving back from the kiss “let me” I said smiling, pushing down the rest of my boxers “come here” Robyn yelped out fully not expecting me to pick her up and wrap her around my waist “I didn’t think you could, oh wow. My Husband” Robyn moaned out, I grinned because she isn’t heavy, but she does weigh a little more. I would throw her on the bed but she is pregnant so I gently put her on the bed “have fun tonight” kissing the bump laughing “mhmm, give me it” I gently pushed her knees apart but she willingly opened herself to me. Chewing on my bottom lip, hooking my finger and moving her thong to the side “wow” she looks good, I mean her P though. I reached out a single finger and slid it up her slit, caressing her inner folds and dragging it across the nub of her clit. I brought the coated finger to my lips and sucked the juice from it “mhmm” I said, she taste good.

I thought to myself that I was likely to drown, but I didn't care. I got on my knees and planted my face firmly in the cleft of her thighs. My tongue travelled up her slit, scooping out the sweet nectar. I played my tongue back and forth across the swollen lips of her pussy, sucking each one into my mouth and nibbling on them as I went. I licked her clean of juices and finally buried my tongue as deeply into her as it would go. Robyn gasped, crushing myself into her, trying to get my tongue deeper inside. I firmly ran my tongue over her entire pussy. I slide my hands under her to cup her ass, massaging them as I licked her. Her hips began to gyrate, and she started to moan wildly. When I began to flick her clit with my tongue, she started clenching convulsively “Oh yeah Chrisss” she moaned “fuck” I licked her clit as fast as I could “oh my god!” she spat, I clamped my mouth over her clit and sucked it hard into my mouth “oh shit, oh shit!” Robyn screamed out as she came, I opened my mouth wider and sucked her lips into my mouth along with her clit and let my tongue dance over everything. Robyn’ thighs clamped down around his head and her legs crossed behind me to hold me in place as she rode my tongue through am orgasm.

She finally released me, and I sighed out “thunder thighs, near killed me!” I spat, breathing out heavily falling onto the bed next to Robyn “that was so good” Robyn seems in a daze, I mean my tongue game is good. Licking the side of my lips, I can taste her still. Robyn turned onto her side and pulled me to her and into a deep kiss, her tongue plunging into my mouth, licking my lips, and her lips sucking the juices from my chin “you tasting yourself?” I said smiling as she moved back with a smirk “I taste good” I smirked, I love this woman so much softly caressing her pregnant bump before getting up off of the bed, and stood at the end of the bed, my dick standing erect. Robyn also got up off of the bed, but she is so cute getting up, her bump be getting in the way “what you doing?” I said, she knelt at the end on her hands and knees, her face inches from my dick. She leaned forward and took my dick in her mouth, I sighed as her lips glided over the head of my sick. Robyn backed off and slowly licked around the head of my dick. Robyn then looked into my eyes and placed her lips against my dick. Her lips closed tightly and fought to keep her mouth closed as she forced my hard dick past her lips, the saliva making them slid firmly and easily over. She kept the pressure firm and began to bop her head on my dick “everyman’s dream, my god!” I spat struggling to control myself, Robyn is trying to not laugh but I am being deadass

Robyn couldn’t help herself and pulled back “shut up” she said “not a lie, my god. Like I think I am going to blow” Robyn placed my dick back in her mouth and resumed her sucking, keeping her wet lips tight and working the head of my dick with her tongue on every thrust. Faster and faster, her right hand gently squeezing my balls. The lust in her eyes combined with the sight of my dick invading her mouth was too much for me. I came that nearly buckled my knees, Robyn closed her eyes and moaned around my dick, sucking every last drop from me “uhhhh fuck!” I half shouted, breathing out heavily. My head back with my eyes closed, her mouth is everything and more. Looking down at Robyn, she licked her lips with the biggest smirk on her face “I am not worthy of you” I said as I pulled her up to me and kissed her deeply, navigating Robyn back onto the bed being as gentle as I can.

I reached up and grabbed a pillow then pushed it under her lower back “I need to make sure you’re comfortable” Robyn poked her lips out at me “you are so caring about me, but when I am not pregnant that is a different story” she pointed, she know damn well I would be having Robyn all over these sheets. I grinned seeing that the pillow lifted her pussy up towards me at the perfect level. I lifted her legs until her knees were on my shoulders, thighs spread a bit wider to accommodate her bump. I looked into her eyes as I moved my dick to sit between her pussy. With a slow thrust forward I entered her, smoothly and slowly. Robyn is so wet that my dick slid home easily until I was buried into her. She let out a moan as I filled her. I stayed still for a moment, revelling in the warmth, bordering on hotness. I began to move in and out of her, surprised at the tightness of her, given the massive amount of lubricant she was producing. Still her body enveloped me firmly yet offered no resistance as I moved slowly in and out of her. Robyn looked up at me, her mouth slightly parted. I increased my pace just a bit and smiled at the wet sound Robyn is making with each thrust “fuck me, you are wet” Robyn pressed her lips into a hard line “you’re making me shy” Robyn said “be quiet, this is amazing!” I spat, began to pump into her a little faster and Robyn’ eyes flared, her breathing ragged.

[stoneqoldcrazy]

One year with Queen

This is just gonna be a big appreciation post about Queen and the people I’ve met this past year sdlkjkdsjlf I’m gonna leave it all under the cut

I’m not too sure how to start this off because this has been one of the most worst years for me honestly but I’ll try my best ldkskjdls

I should explain something first before I get into this. I have been battling this kinda strange phobia called emetophobia (fear of vomiting) all my life and it recently (like 2016) hit me real hard and it has been real difficult for me to eat. I know that sounds strange but I have been battling with this difficulty since 2016. Another strange thing that I have been battling since 2016 is this weird “gaggy” feeling. This feeling causes me great anxiety and it still disrupts my life. 

Now on with this year sdjlkdskj so I had a bad feeling that this year was gonna be terrible and I was right. This year started off with me getting sick which, of course, is fucking TERRIFYING for me. What made this so much worse, though, was that the spring semester of college was starting up for me. These were both my first ever on-campus classes and I missed the first day for both of my classes. I only had two college classes because I was still in high school at the time sdklsdk I hope this isn’t confusing :( anyways I absolutely HATE missing school and not only did I miss school but I also missed some days at work. There were times where I went to work for a few minutes and I had to sit in the office and calm down but I was sent home. This hit me hard because I also hate missing work and my anxiety has never been this bad. I still look back at how disappointed I was in myself. This happened near late January to early February and my parents took me to the psychiatrist because holy Fuck my anxiety was bad. My psychiatrist pretty much said that I needed to get checked if this “gaggy” feeling was something physical. So throughout February, I had to go to the hospital multiple times and I am still surprised by how I got through it all. I had to get my esophagus fucking stretched like KLDSKLSDKL but that didn’t help at all. It was anxiety. Throughout like February through April I was still having trouble getting back up on my feet from me getting sick (yeah I was That disturbed) and from the hospital visits. During these months, I felt that strong gaggy feeling WHILE at work and I still experience it sometimes but back then I had to actually sit in the office at times and have people do the buffet (I work at KFC and I also suffer from intrusive thoughts so I was afraid I would think of something gross while being surrounded by the strong smelling foods). Now you might be wondering how this all relates to Queen. Well, whenever I had to be sent home from work, I felt terrible and I wanted to cry dsklfj but Queen was there to help me pretty much. One thing that I vividly remember was when I was coming back from one of my hospital visits. I was so terrified that it was gonna go wrong because it was a barium swallowing test thing but I made it. While we were leaving the hospital, I put on my Queen. I remember Delilah playing and I couldn’t help but smile because it was like Freddie was sharing his happiness with me. This is why I love the song Delilah btw sjdlkjkdls. There were SO many moments like these. One song that pulled me through all of this was Somebody to Love. I would just lay there and close my eyes listening to it and I swear it has fucking healing powers sddskldskl. As time went on, I eventually met up with my psychiatrist and I found myself a therapist and I felt so happy. As I was driving home, I noticed Teo Torriatte playing and its lyrics just made me go crazy go stupid in a good way like??? It made me smile so much it felt like Freddie was there with me :(. This was during like May I think?? May was the month I finally graduated high school. It wasn't anything special but I did decorate my graduation cap something Queen related and I even kinda rose my fist in the air when I got my diploma like?? My Younger self would not do something like that sdlk. Oh, also for my award ceremony, I fucking wore a Freddie shirt and tight checkered pants, which was something my younger self would DEFINITELY never do. It seems like Freddie gave me that confidence. Another thing that Freddie gave me was the realization that I can play piano?? I got my keyboard in like may and my first ever song I learned was Bohemian Rhapsody and I still love playing it along with Freddie. I never thought I could play piano but here I am playing fucking Bohemian Rhapsody sjdkl. 

I’ll continue on in the summer time (if ur still reading this and ur brain isnt fucking goo by now i love u DSKJLKLDS). This past summer we decided to go to Washington D.C. because I love history. Well, my anxiety gets bad whenever we go on long car rides because Oh No What If I Get An Anxiety Attack And We’re Already 3 Hours Into The Drive? What pulled me through the 8 hour car ride was Queen of course. For example, during like the first hour of the car ride I was looking up at the stars thinking “oh it’d be cool if ‘39 played” aND ‘39 STARTED PLAYING and then Keep Yourself Alive started playing?? Anyways this was our second time in D.C. and this time it honestly sucked. I didnt really get to do the things I wanted and my intrusive thoughts were getting pretty bad. My intrusive thoughts got even worse in the car ride back home. I, of course, had my Queen playing and Breakthru started playing. That pretty much saved me honestly. Like?? If I could only reach you If I could make you smile If I could only reach you That would really be a breakthrough. That hit HARD dklkd. Fast forward to fall time. I’m now in my first real semester of college. This was also the first time being in therapy. This semester was stressful because of my speech class, but I pulled through of course with a 96. I passed all my classes with As. One thing I remember was me driving to college and I had Queen playing in my car like normal. It was different this time, though, because I was going to my first speech. I was nervous but when I was about to pull into my college, my radio switched to CD mode and started playing my old Queen CD that I made back in January. This confused the hell out of me because like?? Radios arent supposed to do tHAT but We Are The Champions started playing??? That sounds fake but I swear I’m still not over it dskl. Time forward to October. That month sucked ass honestly. My intrusive thoughts were getting SUPER bad and I felt extremely lonely. What pulled me through, though, was Freddie’s solo album. I’m pretty sure it got released on spotify during this time and that was fucking PERFECT timing. 

So, Queen has pretty much made this year bearable somehow. Queen has been there for me through it ALL. I will forever appreciate Queen and all that they have done honestly. I also REALLY appreciate Freddie dsjkl I never really looked up to anyone but now I have someone to look up to when I’m having trouble. Freddie is a very relatable person as well. I never could relate to anyone as a gay person and I’m glad I found Freddie. I live in a small religious town in the south so most of the people here are homophobic dsjkldkl and my mom is real religious so yeah it’s fun dslj. When I found out about Freddie’s religious parents and how they took his Gaeyness i was like. oh fUcjk anyways Queen and Freddie are like best fucking friends to me to be honest and I hope to form more memories with them as the years go by. 

Speaking of friends and memories,, this is the best fandom I have EVER been in and I mean that. I have met so many lovely people and I am STILL surprised by all the love that my edits get??? It’s so surprising and I now have about 530 followers?? I’m so fucking mind blown sdkjl but I’m gonna tag some people who are just indescribably amazing and who have helped me through my Tough Times: @moustachefreddie @seven-seeds-of-rhye @freddie-mercurys @asupersonicwoman @queenofindecision @i-live-for-queen @39-brian @a-hysterical-queen-bih @bambirex @his-majesty-king-mercury @leatherjacketmazzello @ogrebattles @mrbadguymercury @darlingfreddie

[gk-ace]

Finally saw Parasite

Managed to avoid 98% of the spoliers until now. I’ll try avoid giving it up too much out to respect for yall too. Imma be as vaugely specific as I can. The movie is super layered man. Everything I’m about to say is surface tho. Cause boy.......... they got my ass.

Random takes:

First off mad as hell the sister went out like that. If I had to bet on it, she would’ve been the one to make the ending really come true. Even though the brother put her on, she was still the real finesser. She was the only one with sense. Only one that was pushing the plan forward.

The fucking ending.......bitch what?!? I was optimistic like yeah, this is him in the future. He hustled to find a way. Read up on it & Bong was like yeah no...this is real life bih. What are the chances of him really being able to do that...in this economy....smellin like basement....with no real recommendations....nah.

After the mom said the dad would scatter like a roach.........yeah wrong nigga to have on the team. I knew somebody else was gon have to find a way to maintain this shit and keep them focused. If ya wife sayin that........you not bout to find a way. Then he was damn near a roach in the end. Man went out saddddd af. (But it was hard to respect him man. Like his kids was pullin all the strings. Coming up with all the ideas. He was just like imma vibe n see what happens. And we all saw wtf happened. But at the same time, we all know a person like that who has lived long enough to see ramifications of class & poverty now just sayin fuck it. I just felt like he shoulda tried more. Like how....nvm. Surface. )

BUT Before I could even process that shit, housekeeper pulled up. (SN: Who df was gon let this lady in....not me. Still worst decision making you could ever show in a movie. Dont even know if she was comin to kill for her job or some crazy shit. Like just no.)

When the she came & the scenes after played out, I thought they would kill them & keep it pushing. Especially the way they were plotting on really taking it to the next level. Oh yall coming home in 8 mins.....so 8 mins to take these niggas out- done deal. (But Like I said had a feeling the dad wasnt bout that life. ) Thats just my thought process, camera cut, nobody knows him, we barely know you....4 on 2...yeah this our life now 🤷🏾‍♂️.

The stairs. The rain. Where the rain ended up. Then the lady the next day thankin god for the rain. Bro. If thats not some of these people out here man. Like amazingly shot. Amazingly brought to life. That shit touched me.

That shit about the dad not having a plan was maddening as fuck. Its like I understand why the dad said it. But of ALL times to have a plan BITCH THIS IS IT!!! Df! After he said that I was like oh, these kids gotta find a way to fix this cause he really not bout to do shit. Then the nigga with no plan fucked around n did some real no plan shit. Like............what? Not to say I aint respect his decisions at the party. Wild couple of hours. Mad shit just happened in one night. Man disrescted you and someone who respected him. All of that cascaded on him at once but damn....the worst person to have a gun is the nigga with no fuckin plan. Man said if something spins out of control, it doesn’t matter and everything that spun out of control mattered immensely.

Who told him to bring a rock. Like period. Before you run shit by your family. Before you bring a knife. Before you wait til the next time the people leave. Before you go down with another person. Like bruh...the son was NOT the smartest. After all that shit last night, you would think someone ANYONE would try to come up with a plan before they went down there. but based on the daddy....

Last thing: The scene under the table had me shittin bricks. Whole time i was like.......bruh how df do you even explain this after you get caught??

Also the ghost shit wasnt scary.....BUT Whatever fuckin effect they put on that mans eyes had me seein that shit long after the movie was done.

[queen-writing-sideblog]

Could you please do a continuation of that one ask where John likes to crossdress with poly! Queen? Maybe one day he’s all dolled up with Freddie, but Roger and Brian walk in and they are blown away. John is so embarrassed, but Freddie invites them to join in (and they make sure to give him lots of praise and call him beautiful, but Roger can’t help but teasingly mock John a little since he loves seeing him embarrassed). It’s ok if you don’t want to do this one, you get a lot of John prompts!

I’m going to be completely honest with you, John is my favorite character to write at the moment, I don’t mind writing a lot of him! And I wouldn’t mind it if were any of the other boys either.

–

He had taken time with it today. It hadn’t been sporadic or random or because he felt like it. It had been planned ever since that morning when Freddie had told him he’d gotten him a ‘special surprise for later’.

Then when he’d come home and there’d been a box sitting on his bed, and Freddie patiently sat in the sitting room, and he’d set to work.

He’d pulled out the curling iron which usually was kept in a drawer in the bathroom because A, it took a while, and B, he almost always burned his fingers on it, so he hardly ever did it himself and usually only ever got it curled when Freddie did it for him.

Tonight he felt like being fancy, though, so he could deal with the burnt fingers. And he knew Freddie liked it when his hair was curled, so curly hair it would be.

When he was done with that, he was rather pleased with himself. It looked rather nice, he thought, hung around his face in pretty ringlets which he rather liked.

Maybe he’d have to do this more often, he thought to himself just before he burned his finger on the iron.

Or maybe not.

The next thing he’d done was his makeup, which was much more fun than the stupid curling iron, and much less dangerous. He didn’t do too much or too little, just the right amount. It softened his eyes, and brought out his lips, and the sharp lines of his face. Accentuated the nice things about his face.

Finally, finally, finally, he opened the box. Inside was a very pretty blue dress. It had lacy sleeves that hung off of his shoulders and down onto his arms. The skirt was nice and flowy, and it hung just down to his knees.

When he slipped it on and looked in the mirror, he was very happy with what he saw. It was beautiful, he looked rather pretty too. When he finally popped his head out the door to their bedroom, he found Freddie already watching the door, presumably waiting for him.

“Oh.” He breathed out. “Hello. I was going to come out to see you, but-” He was cut off by lips pressing against his, and he couldn’t say he was unhappy for the interruption. He tugged him into the room and shut the door behind him, hooking his fingers in his belt loops to pull him to the bed.

They parted for just a moment, and John didn’t know how he felt to see lipstick smudged on and around Freddie’s lips, but in the end decided he didn’t mind it. He brought up a hand to cup his jaw, brushing his thumb over his bottom lip, tugging on it slightly before letting it go.

And it was that moment, when he leaned in for another kiss, seated in Freddie’s lap, that the bedroom door opened.

He didn’t have time to move, or hide, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that they hadn’t bothered to tie a scarf on the door, the rule they had created, but not spoken about, to keep each other away when they were having their… personal time.

“Fred, Deaks. Rog and- oh.”

John had his face buried in the crook of Freddie’s neck, his skin flushed red down to his chest and all the way up to the tips of his ears. He was mortified, horribly embarrassed.

“Oh. I see that you’re.. Oh.”

John dared to peek out at the door. Brian was stood, seemingly frozen. His cheeks were tinged pink, and he had a mildly interested expression on his face. He let his eyes trail down and was surprised to see a slight bulge at the front of his trousers.

“Bri, what’d they- Oh my.” He had an equally intrigued look on his face.

“We can, um.. We can just leave you to that, then, uh…” Brian managed to stammer out, though he didn’t move away from the door.

“Or you could join us instead.” Freddie suggested, which made John’s eyes snap over to him. “What, sweetheart? Don’t act as if you’d mind. And it appears Brian and Roger would like too, they’re just too scared to say anything. Isn’t that right, my darlings?”

They didn’t say anything, just nodded.

It was Roger who was the first of them to respond. “I think we’ll take you up on that offer, won’t we, Bri?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good to me.” He took a step forward and shut the door behind himself.

John swallowed thickly, his tongue darting out to swipe across his lips. Oh dear lord in heaven, this was actually happening.

“Princess.” His attention was drawn back to Freddie. “Why don’t you go on and be a good girl for me and kneel on the bed, so all of us can see you. It won’t be fair to our guests if I’m getting you all to myself, will it?”

He nodded and shifted off of his lap and to the center of the bed, getting onto his knees and folded his hands in his lap.

A hand reached up to cup his cheek and his eyes landed on Brian. “You look so pretty like this, John. God, I’m so lucky to get to see you all dolled up like this, hm? So pretty.”

The praise made the flush return to his face, albeit not as dark as it had been previously. “Thank you.” He mumbled out, ducking his head to hide his face behind his hair.

“Don’t hide from us, lovey. Let us see that beautiful face, hm?” He hooked a finger under his chin and pulled his face up.

“Got all dressed up and pretty, and you won’t even let us give you a proper look, will you? Tsk, tsk, tsk.” Roger shook his head. “That’s the whole point of us being here, isn’t it? To let us all admire how beautiful you look like this, and you can’t even let us do that, can you? So selfish of you, John.”

His cheeks flushed red and he tried to hide his face again, only to be stopped by a firm grip on his chin. “No more hiding, sweetheart. You heard Roger.” He tapped his thumb against his cheek. “Now. Why don’t we show them how good you can be for me, hm? On your knees, then, in front of my, darling.” He gave him a little nudge and let go of his chin, allowing him to slide off of the bed and onto the floor.

“Go on then, my love.” He reached up to undo the button on his pants before pulling him out of his underwear, not even going to pull his pants all the way off before he was taking him into his mouth, his lips a pink ring around his cock.

“You look so beautiful like this, my love. So pretty. All dressed up like that. Beautiful.” He tangled his fingers in his hair and tugging lightly, earning him a muffled moan.

Behind him, he could distantly hear the sound of clothes rustling and was aware that that must be Brian and Roger getting undressed.

To say he was surprised when he felt a cold, lube coated finger pressing inside of him would be an understatement.

It was probably Brian, he noted, the guitarist being the one with the longest fingers out of the three of them. It was different than his own fingers, or Freddie’s, but not bad. Just different.

One turned into two and two turned into three, twisting and pushing and wow that felt fucking amazing. He nearly made to complain when those fingers were pulled out, but then became preoccupied with other things.

The hand laced in his hair tightened. He felt Freddie’s thighs shaking, little pants leaving his lips. It took a few swirls of his tongue before he was spilling into his mouth. He pulled off with a faint pop and swallowed. “You’re very talented with your mouth, my darling.” He cupped his cheek. “Do you think you could let Brian fuck you, beautiful? Is that alright?”

He considered it for a minute before giving a nod of his head. “Okay. That’s alright.”

Somewhere along the way when they shifted onto the bed and Freddie moved to the opposite end of it, his dress got thrown to the floor. He’d shifted to lay flat on his stomach, propped up on his elbows.

And then Brian was pushing into him and it was another different but at the same time not bad things. It felt really fucking good when he picked up the pace, and he was dimly aware of the sound of Roger moaning from the other side of the bed. He opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of Roger jerking himself off from watching his boyfriend fuck one of his best mates.

The thought of that paired by a particularly hard thrust and his own hand on his cock had him coming with a shout.

When all had been said and done, and they all laid there in a heap on the bed, cleaned up from their previous activities, it was Brian who spoke up first.

“We’ll have to do that again sometime.”

“I definitely agree with you there.”

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 1)

One world ! 24 other players ! I 

I'm too old to be here but... it's happening! I made it on Tumblr Survivor mom! Determined to not be first boot!

Also I'm aligning with Jordan Pines because I love chaos and these newbies won't know what hit them

Well this is certainly something. I'm going to try out seeing who pms me without me saying anything. I'll pick up the activity tomorrow, so it doesn't really affect me, let's see if anyone takes the initiative so I don't have to. If I get dragged into a majority alliance then that's cool. I don't think that this group is great in terms of teamwork as of yet, but we'll see. There's so many tribes our chances of going to tribal are pretty slim, even if we suck. We're kindof underdogs, so sucking might not be excusable. 

First day of surviving the Survivor survivorship...survivor. These forms are going to take some time to get used to, but I'll manage. Got conversations from Beck and Sammy so far - might scope the field, see what's out there. Or, I can lay low and do what I need to do for my team until merge hits. 

i actually really like the people on my tribe and i'm excited because i have hopes for us. i've also made some nice friends so far and i'm hoping that pays off later but even if it doesn't i'm glad my first day in a skype survivor org has been positive! woo!

Fuck this complicated ass first challenge 

Hello! Guess whose back? It me! Anyway, it’s been a fun first night. Things are going okay. I am worried a little bit about the One World mess, I don’t want to come off too social right now but at the same time I need to secure a good place. So here is the breakdown analysis of my tribe: Chris Stoner: hello ???? I didn’t know they let stoners into the Olympics, didn’t we drug test? I haven’t spoken to him much but we did play Crossroads together although not really together. Anyway, fun to see him. Don’t know if I’d work with him but I guess that’s to be determined. Karen: KARENNNNN! I wasn’t expecting to see them here but now that it’s happening I am very glad to have someone who I have worked with before around, and a solid foundation of working together. Right away I felt like I had someone who had my back and I hope I’m not misreading that, because Karen and I always seem to work together until a certain point. Hopefully we can work together longer than usual this time! Kevin: uhhh soooooo love Kevin but we don’t have the best track record? He was in Circle with me we had a little fight where I may have called him a racist for being mad at Asya anyway it SEEMS as though that’s not an issue anymore and I think we might be able to work something out. I don’t wanna have to vote Kevin out before Stoner or Tommy. Tommy: ok no offense to this man but he is so hard to talk to so far. Every conversation feels flat and even though we are talking about subjects I could go on about for a while, it feels like the convos are going nowhere. I feel like there’s a sort of slight bond between Karen, Kevin and I but then Tommy and Stoner are kind of...hopefully who they’d want to kill off first, I’m probably wildly misreading every situation rn. Outside of my tribe I’ve talked to Juls who I am going to take under my wing as my daughter and she will win this season if I don’t get to! I love her so much she reminds me of my old school Skype babies and I feel like a cool mom when I talk to her I’ve also talked to beck briefly, KING love him bc he’s dating Asya and I don’t necessarily want to bond based on that. I also know beck is a good as game player bc I’ve watched him play so......I’m gonna be nice and observant and maybe we can establish a threat/threat symbiotic relationship. I also talked to Jacob C. who I love so much and he and I have been comparing some notes. He’s already told me Sammy has an idol that he can only use for three rounds so heh heh heh. OH SPEAKING OF SAMMY I love that man he’s such a doll and I really hope we can work together if I get far. At this point I love this cast but I really feel like I am not gonna vibe with the newbies, they’re like very....quiet in the PM’s but loud in the one world chat? I find that backwards. I’m hoping the newbies I do like will be able to  get rid of the newbies I don’t like so that when we merge the newbies I do like will help me get rid of the returnees I don’t wanna work with. That’s what we are manifesting, 2020 vision yeehaw. 

Showmance, eh? I might play dumb, surprise them all later? I could play the role of disposable pawn while possibly orchestrating things behind the shadows. Could be a long, long shot, but it could work. 

AAAAHHHHH IM HERE HI MOM IM ON TV IM SO EXCITED AND I CANT WAIT FOR EVERYTHING IM ALSO SCARED AS FUCK CUS EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THESE THINGS WORK AND I DONT 

omg okay this is all so crazy i love it i can’t stop shaking AAAAHHH dhdkshHSJDHEVSJbokayOKAY so like i LOOOVE my tribe we’re the fuckin best tribe here cus we’re all so cool like we’re the FRIENDSHIP tribe and being able to make friends is a useful skill in this game like no offense but being the “dominant” tribe or “champions” tribe or whatever tbh it’s pretty unskinny bc that’s a target on you forever whereas my tribe we’re all friendly and trusting!! 💖💞 xoxo lets hold hands all the way to finale and have fun! 🌈✨

okay i forgot to talk about strategy lol anyways yeah I looOOOVve everyone on my tribe and that’s great but also sucks because there’s only 5 of us, it just takes 3 votes to send you out so I wish there was some oblivious cocky dick on our tribe we all could hate so we’d have an easy first vote like that guy Billy.. why is he on the respect tribe¿? anyways i love everyone but I think Will and I are becoming the closest we talked for a lil while last night yknow things got a little steamy 🥰😩 (you’ll have to pay for ts all access for that footage 😘) we bonded really well and I think for this first vote if we lose, Will and I are definitely gonna be voting together.

Alright, so here we are at the 2020 Olympics.   I came in as a last minute replacement, so I feel like I have to prove myself more than some others who applied weeks before hand and made the cut.   As well, got some past players, and past winners, which makes the competition stakes that much greater this season.   Then, to top it all off, at the One World style camp, so can talk to everyone which is definitely a nice touch.   Now, regards to my tribe, I honestly like the people on my tribe, and find that we're going to be a solid crew.   Here is my actual impressions on my tribe mates thus far though: Beck - Probably one I recognize most, just due to being in a discord org vl with her, definitely seems like a friendly gal, and when time is right, I feel she could end up being my closest ally on the tribe Ben - Probably one so far who I have talked the most too, and I feel like we're connecting alright thus far, so going to keep building up a bond with him and his route could end up being as my first ally of these Olympics. Kathy - Haven't spoken one on one with her yet, just in the tribe chat somewhat and main chat, which she definitely seems like a cool person, and hoping to get to know her a bit better, but terms of this game, hard to say if we'll be on same side or not. Bailey - Speaking with her a little, but kind of same lines as Kathy currently with her, just not sure if Bailey will end up being an ally who will be with me, or someone who will be against me. Overall, time will tell how this game goes, but hopefully it goes well for me and I come out with at least something worth while.

HOLY SHIT I FOUND AN ADVANTAGE OH MY GOD!!!!! I GOT AN ADVANTAGE ON DAY FUCKIN TWO OF MY FIRST SURVIVOR EVERR HOLY SHIT!!!! okay so it says i can get an extra vote IF at the next tribal i decide to NOT vote and save that vote for later so i’d have an extra vote. Now the hard part is making my first tribal an easy vote so i can save my own.. hopefully i’ll be able to do this! i’m so scared ohmygod

okay i’m in a serious predicament... so I may not vote at the next tribal meaning there’s only 4 votes. While looking at the cast reveal i discovered something.. Nik is a drag queen, Eve also does drag as well... what if they applied together from some drag community or are bonding because of that. That’s 2 votes together already on a tribe of five.. that’s dangerous especially when I’m not allied with either of them! If they vote together and i don’t vote... they’d have half the votes already and may get rid of my ally Will! I’m hoping to god they don’t know each other but if they are aligned then Will or I could be out! I want this advantage but i don’t know if i can take it.... fuuUUUUCK

I’m really enjoying my tribe and I think that the people in this game are super awesome! However with that being said, I can definitely see who could potentially be an issue down the line and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for them!

whoa. this game is a lot. I managed to message everyone on day one because I just rely on my social abilities. I tried to be as relatable as possible to everyone but literally some people were dead fish. Some newbies have asked me for advice already and they said returners are intimidating so I said "I mean only the returners that won" hahah and they were like "oh yeah so true" sorry I threw y'all under the bus. But ummm kathy is playing and we are from the same hometown so I am hoping we end up on same tribe sometime soon. I love juls too!! OH AND JACOB IS MY RIDE OR DIE. we had a tribe call and I was so uncomfortable because I felt like I had nothing to add to the conversation. my fav 2 on my tribe are Jacob and Caeleb tho! umm okay last thing I searched for the idol....AND BIH ON DA FIRST TRY I GOT ONE BLSFSI only good for next three tribals I attend tho. I told Jacob. it was in a yellow condom. okay sorry this was very choppy I just wanted to get it all out.

This tribe seems to be working fine together, while I'm still terrified of losing, I think we stand a fighting shot. This cool little band of misfits would be a cool sight. I've kept my quiet for the first day, time to ramp things up just a tad. I've talked to Landen and I feel pretty alright about him, and given this tribe is as small as my will to life after playing QWOP, we only need one more! Landen's probably talking to everyone, so I just need to seal the deal with him. I think my challenge performance will suffice for being enough to keep me around, but I need a bit of a backup just in case. If we go to tribal, there's not a "stay UTR" option. It's either I'm in an alliance and I'm calling some shots, or I'm being (in)directly blindsided. But, I picked my strong suit in flash games for a reason fellas. The one world chat has quite a bit of activity. I'm quite and that's fine, if we swap I can readjust. If we go to tribal I'm sure I'll become just a tad more popular along with the other 9 that go. tldr:I'm winning duh

Ayo, tribe energy looking DOPE AS HELL BAY BAY! We all seem to be getting along pretty well, seeing as our communication during this challenge is pretty dope! No bad personalities in sight. I gotta wonder though, how nervous do I have to be? I know for a damn fact if I start talking more to these people they gon' be fallin' as hard as underage kids seeing the hottest girl in school enter their club. Thing is though, I'm fresh meat coming into this, so any pre existing relationships in this game are like dust mites to me. Can't see em' but GOD DAMN they annoy me. Nonetheless, I gotta work my magic in case we go to Tribal. I ain't letting anybody take out a rookie, especially a rookie who has somethin' to prove, and someone who at his best is the damn king of the world. See me work bay bay!

[dachi-chan25]

GoT Season 8 Episode 1: The Pointy End Recap

Gods I am back on my bullshit but I can't help it 'cause I had too many thoughts about yesterday's episodes.

Disclaimer: So if you know me or my blog you know I don't root for D Targy (I write it like this cuz i don't want this post to pop up in her tag) and that she sometimes annoys the crap out of me, also i don't root for her bland ass romance or anything magical lizard related. I support House Stark 100% so ofc I believe in Pol!Jon (and more over I am a Jonsa shipper so ofc Imma write about that) and if you don't agree or don't feel confortable with any of those things this Recap is not for you (if you come here to troll I'll just ignore you anyway so don't waste your time and energy like that)

With that said let's begin!

.

-The episode starts with a young boy running to meet the Queen's entourage, we already see a lot of peasants and common folk gathered there, Arya sees the boy and smiles fondly (she is totally reminiscing when she did the same when King Bobby B visited WF) This shots made me feel very nostalgic as they parallel very closely S1.

Another parallel that it's included here is Jon and D arriving all regal couple like, I was just remembering about Bobby B and Cersei, and things are already on a visual side not working for them (d looks totally out of place with that flashy awkward coat, I mean the color, the cut, the red details, all of it makes her stand out like a sore thumb. On a visual level alone she does not belong there). The music is also worth noting, it starts off on a very ominious tone and then gets some heroic B bright undertones as Dr and Jon ride closer to he camera, but again falls into an ominious conqueror-villian entrance song.

The perspective shifts to Arya watching Jon and D riding (she doesn't seem happy to see D she kind of looks confused) but smiles when she sees Jon, we also see The Hound (Arya looks really confused, cuz she probably thought he was dead) and Gendry (she gives the cutest smiles ever,and yassssss Gendyra lives!!) riding behind them.

We get Varys and Tyrion riding in a carriage of sorts, and an unnecesary enuch joke *sigh* even Varys calls out Tyrion for it, and he is like idgaf cuz i got ballzzzz!! (Classy dude)

The common folk is not diggin this dragon kween business and obviously don't cheer or grovel at d's feet, she is very upset at this and Jon is like "I told you so", then the dragons approach and the people are terrified, they scream and run, worst of all D smiles and seems so smug (fuuuck her a thousand times, this proves she doesn't give a fuck about poor people unless they adore her, and that fear is just as well for her as respect, cuz this bitch is just like Cersei but dumber) and we don't really get to see Jon's reaction but come the fuck on!! This people Jon knows, some of them he has seen since he was a little boy, these are the people he is trying hard to protect and you think he is not gonna care for them just cuz d is pwetty?? Nah dude, he knows she cares about being worshipped (I meaaaan her long ass list of titles) but he thinks she is mostly harmless (may i remind you he still doesn't know about the TARLYS)

The camera follows the dragons and we see Sansa looking at them with worry (my poor girl, that's the adecuate reaction when you see monsters terrifying your people)

K, now we are seeing Jon in the courtyard, he sees Bran and immediately runs to him (you can clearly see Jorah helping D dismount in the background and that's hillarious cuz 2 seconds in WF and he is already leaving her ass behind in favor of his family), we even get a forhead kiss and Jon is pretty emotional at seeing his baby brother all grown up (tbh i find Bran's deadpan deliveries so funny, Jon looks confused af) he sees SANSA and biiiitch (I wanted to screenshot his face but I just gave up cuz it's very quick) the softness of his stare, the parted mouth, the way he just dives into her arms (Sansa stares at D while they hug like bih fuck off he is ours) . I want to address something real quick, yeah it was a shorter hug than we expected, but not less emotional ( Sansa was smiling and the look on Jon's face when he saw her) still it was 10000x times better than any Aegony scene because the affection is mutual Jon goes straight for a hug and Sansa opens her arms as opposed as Aegony scenes that rely heavily on D. Also I think this hug was shorter (and we see Jon pulling apart first) cuz d is watching, not only that but a lot of people are and i do think this season until the parentage reveal is out in the open they will be trying to keep their distances cuz they have feelings siblings are not supposed to have.

Jon asks for Arya, and Sansa says she is lurking somewhere with a smile (this reminded me of Cat asking about Arya on ep 1) and D approaches with the most forced smile ever, Jon introduces Sansa with her proper title first and then is like she is the kween D Targy forsaking all her thousand titles thank god. Also the first thing Jon says is that Sansa is his sister which I'll talk about later. So D tries (and fails) to be charming, saying how beautiful WF and the North (she says it's as beautiful as Jon said) and compares Sansa's beauty to it which had me wondering stuff.

A) so we never get Jon and D talking about Jon's siblings (another aegony is doomed moment) but he does mention briefly Arya and Bran cuz he thought they were dead, but Sansa??? Unless a thrid party brought her up he never talked about her which leads me to think D had no idea about Sansa being Jon's sister and that is why he breaks the hug and introduces he as his sister frist of all.

B) By talking about Sansa's beauty and how Jon talked about it, it implies they did talk about Sansa and that Jon said she was beautiful ??? Cuz that's the way D made it sound xdddd.

Ofc i think the A to be more like lyrics cuz Jon is playing his cards very close to his chest, but I thought it was funny.

Sansa brushes her of and delivers the WF is yours your Grace bs. Duuuude she is not even trying to be charming (she is corteous enough but barely) like she would have played the modest naive Maiden and said "not as beautiful as you, your grace" (bihhh d would have loved this shit) nor even a gracious thank you. And i wonder whyyy?? As far as she knows she is an ally, and yeah she doesn't trust her damn she doesn't even like her but that hasn't stopped her before like damn she was all charm when she met Roose and Ramsey for the 1st time and she hated them!!!! What I think is happening is that LF'S words are still in her mind about Jon marrying D, and Jon separated too quickly from their hug, and now he is standing beside this woman calling her queen, and yeah I see the jealousy maybe she doesn't know why fully maybe she is just starting to realize her feelings and is all projecting them onto the he betrayed the north's trust but I do feel it goes beyond that and it shows.

Bran interrupts before things get uglier with D and Sansa, with news about the wall, D looks shocked (bet she thought she was the only one who could control dragons) Jon looks like he is about to have a pánico attack.

They have a meeting with the northern Lords in the Great Hall (it is very curious that Jon is seated between d and Sansa, when befitting her new title D should be in the middle, D&D are driving this love triangle home) but from the get go we see that Sansa is the one running stuff and doing everything a queen should, she asks Ned Umbr about his people, he says they need more wagons and horses (I am sideeyeing D so hard at this moment) Sansa bids him to go to Last Hearth and bring as many ppl as he can.

Lyanna Mormont then proceeds to rip Jon a new one (but Lyanna like everyone else isn't really getting the full picture) and Jon looks at Sansa for support (like curious, as Lyanna is talking about D and she is his lady love and stuff you'd think he would look at her to gather strenght or resolution for what he is about to say but nope) but she is like 'dude you deserve it' and I would say she is right but like wasn't Sansa defending him to everyone that would listen last season ??? She literally said she respects Jon's desicions, nah this is her jealousy this is a go on prove me wrong, talk, give them (and me) and explanation of why u betrayed our trust for her. And Jon does look crushed when he sees he is not getting any support from her cuz if pol!Jon is right he did it! He listened to her, he was smarter than father and Robb, he brought an army home, and Sansa the one he did all this for still won't trust him that the North is his heart and home and he would do anything to keep it safe (like still pretty fucking unfair he wants sansa's blind faith without giving her anything in return but I get where he is coming from) and if pol!Jon is not real then they really destroyed Jon's character in favor of the blandest romance ever and I can't get behind that way of thinking because before I even shipped Jonsa I was a fan of both Jon Snow and Sansa Stark and I believe and support them both.

Honestly my boy doesn't even try to sell D, he is just like we need allies!! Tyrion just about gives up cuz he thinks Jon is a bumbling fool with no idea of how the game is played (lmaooo) and tries to sell D plus the idea that Cersei is sending them the Lannister army (I think is very important jon didn't mention this and I will go on about it later) Sansa is just about fed up with this bs, and asks a real important question about how da fuck is she supposed to feed this big ass army plus 3 dragons that she didn't account for and she doesn't have any obligation towards, like that's d's job, even worse d's haughty response (you can see Jon doesn't like this one bit) like honestly I had never felt more annoyed by d she is already a villian threatening Sansa in her own home for daring to care more about her people than about d's lizards, and i don't know how people are ok with that, like dude y'all are entitled to your own opinión and to loving your faves, but this shit was awfull.

We see carts of dragonglass in the courtyard, Gendry is giving instructions and Lord Royce is just leaving Sansa looking at all this activity when Tyrion approaches Sansa.

This is already to long and I have much to say about the Tyrion-Sansa convo, so let's go on in part 2!!

[jasntodds]

Tied Up [p.p.]

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Prompt:

“Please, help me.”

Summary: Saturday nights are usually uneventful but on this particular night, it was a little different

A/N: This is for @underoossss writing challenge!

Masterlist

Your night was uneventful. It was a normal Saturday night where you’d just bum around and catch up on some shows. But, usually on those Saturday nights, you’d receive a phone call from your boyfriend, Peter, and he’d end up stopping by even if it was late and even if you’d already fallen asleep. You lived for those.

They’re nice and warm, comforting and safe. Mostly comforting but not because you were with him but because he was there. If he wasn’t with you, that meant he was out looking for trouble to stop and that meant possibly risking his life. With him laying on your chest, you knew he was safe. So, when you received a phone call tonight, you weren’t too surprised. But, his voice sounded off. 

“Pete? Are you okay?” You question, pausing your show.

“Uh, yeah, yeah.” Peter says, his breathing a little labored. “I am...uh, outside your building.”

“So...come in?”

“I...can’t.” Peter says and your heart just plummets into your stomach. He always calls and then knocks on your window to come in. There’s never a question on if you’ll let him in or if he can stay because you always welcome him with open arms and he always stays as long as he can.

“Why not?”

“Can you come out here, please?” Peter asks, voice now hesitant.

“Okay?” You start to get up, phone still pressed to your ear. “Where outside are you?”

“Your fire escape.” Peter states.

You make your way to your window instead of to your door, your brows knitted in confusion. This was unlike Peter. He was always chipper, a bit twitchy but chipper even after he got the hell beat out of him. But, now his voice sounds nervous and maybe even a little embarrassed. It was almost the same tone when he started rambling an apology for kissing you the first time, saying he should have asked first. So, your confusion made perfect sense but what you didn’t expect was what you saw when you looked outside of your window.

No Peter.

You stepped through your window and out onto the fire escape, looking for the bright red and blue suit you’ve become familiar with up close but nothing. Nothing until you hear movement from beneath you.

“Peter?”

“Y/n.” Peter whines.

You look down between the slats of the fire escape platform and see Peter, tangled in his own webbing. You stuff your phone in your hoodie pocket and quickly start for the ladder to lower yourself to the platform below you. When you reached him, his mask was still on but the eyes on the mask were wide. His web somehow managed to get tangled between the platforms and Peter is just hanging there, half upside down. A laugh escapes your mouth before your hand covers your lips.

Peter groans, pulling against his webbing. “It’s not funny!”

“I’m sorry but it kind of it.” You snicker, trying to keep from laughing too hard.

“It’s not!”

“How did you manage this anyway?”

“I-I don’t know! Mr. Stark had an upgrade with new webshooter combinations and, uh, I-I’m not used to them yet.” Peter admits, his body going limp in his webbing.

“You’re a dork, ya know?” You chuckle.

“Please, help me.” Peter whines once more, pulling on the webs.

“And how do you suggest I do that?” You cross your arms, shifting your weight to one foot.

“There’s a keychain in my backpack, it’s a knife.” Peter suggests.

“And your backpack is where?” A smirk pulls at your lips as Peter groans in frustration, both of you knowing his backpack isn’t accessible given his strange position.

“On my back.”

“Which is tangled in the webbing you want me to cut you down from.” You point your finger out and the eyes of the mask narrow slightly.

“Stop enjoying this, please.” Peter asks.

You shake your head. “You’re Spider-Man tangled in his own webbing. That’s hilariously ironic.”

Peter rolls his eyes behind his mask, body going limp again. “Just find something to cut me down.”

“Doesn't your webbing dissolve in like two hours? I could just sit here and talk your ear off while we wait.” You joke.

“Y/n, please. This is really uncomfortable.” Peter’s voice is pleading and you can’t help but feel bad for him.

You sigh and move closer to him. “Fine, but I get a kiss first.”

A chuckle falls from Peter’s lips as you tug the bottom of his mask up. You lean forward, tilting your head awkwardly and place a kiss to his chapped lips. Peter smiles softly against you before you pull away. With delicate fingers, you pull the mask back into position and a satisfied grin comes to your face.

“Okay wait here.” You laugh, going for the latter.

“Funny.” Peter retorts. “Hurry, please!”

Tag list: @thumper-darling // @negative-love // @carrotsunshine // @pickachurose // @pookiepookie8 // @catnolannn // @mysteriouslyluckymoon // @mikalaka // @shelteredheart // @prettylittlebrownskingyal // @princess-shurii // @mysticsthinking // @chingonaconcha // @tiny-friggin-human // @spiderboytotherescue // @loserparker // @yeahbutmarvel // @avengersgirllorianna // @and-everythings-not-lost // @tomsfireheart // @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked // @postapocalyptic14 // @starlightfound // @iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire // @the-crime-fighting-spider // @hellomywonderfulwildflowers // @peters-vlogs // @lionheo04 // @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy // @sergeantbxrnxs // @fairydustparker // @ohdamnerons // @spideymood // @foreverbeingthunderbuddy // @spider-bih // @frostymoon11 // @hollandharrison // @spiderlingsblog // @trashqueenbitch // @theshortegg // @stephie-senpai // @periwinklechild // @t-hollandd // @hollandsthirl // @parkerstcr // @writings-and-stuff // @angelfiregaming  // @broken-pieces  // @j-marvel-memester // @madmadmilk // @writtenbypics // @alilblogger // @aclass-trash // @hi-mishamigos // @stylesbucks18 // @avahodge // @sunshiney-souls // @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t // @meyrapp // @bookfrog242 // @lilleone //  @lefreakette // @hamiltrin // @httpmcrvel // @rumoured-whispers// @assumeimapenguin // @littlemsrantsalot // @just-another-fanfiction-writer // @owlsparks // @heartlessfeelings24 // @stareome // @celestialpercy // @im-on-something-different // @peterparkers-waffles // @slickerbeans // @marvels-hoe-duh // @wombatholland // @peterparklr //  @tomhollanderp // @hvllanders // @tomblrholland // @cannibal-ivy // @angelpirabbit // @my-babies-are-ash // @sighspidey // @smexylemony // @dude-whatawave // @steve-thotgers // @iaiabear // @artclutteredhowell // @beckyblender// @sydthekid443 // @deadlyaffairs // @fandoms-stuff // @webfluidbih // @afterglowparker // @damnhisfaceisliketheskyatnight // @ilovepizzaandimhot // @wtfholland //  @hasozterfield // @tomhollvnds // @dharma-babe // @filmbypeterparker // @underoosstark // @underoossss // @saltymermaid // @peachesnmae// @cosmetologynerd // @spideyluke // @spxderbarnes // @darlingxtom // @radical-bunny // @PetersGalaxy // @xxxxdelenaxxxx // @evanstns // @spideyziam // @anoffensiveintrovert // @indecisivearia // @peterficparker// @sylviestars // @sabinatheteenage // @yohoyohoafandomlifeforme // @brokenuntilmay3rd2019 // @lizzie-143 // @deadlyaffairs // @tinyspiderling // @vendylewin // @southsideprincessx // @brianasyouth // @Laciedsl// @built4broadway // @just-saying-26 // @ironspideyboy // @bbypeter // @alltoowhalee13 // @blackawsum // @dabbingangels // @silhouettecherie // @holyhollland // @abucketfullofweird // @we-flower-fan // @supernatural-girl97 // @the-road-to-redemtion // @unearthemotions // @Xoitsjustmexo // @spider-strange-iron-loki // @lizcrist50 // @sireennotsiren // @melmelmel21 // @micki-smiles // @tommyhoe // @crystalevansc306 // @rae-gar-targaryen91 // @c-ly-g // @flowerchild8341 // @fucking-reddie // @bluparis // @blehblve // @trashsiara // @grace-sully // @captivatedrose // @taybugstuff // @spidergirlwanab // @nichu // @brokenuntilmay3rd2019 // @cuddlyklaus // @spideyflash-peterbarry // @cynicallystiles // @fandomxobsessions

[grapecase]

Salty asks: 1, 2, 19, 22 & 23, for Roswell NM and/or CWDCTV ^.^

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

To this day and age I still do not understand Olicity. I don’t get why the writers felt it was necessary. I do not get the retconning of season 1 to uplift how ~~special~~ she was in Oliver (’Oliver never smiled before Felicity!’ Were we watching the same show?) And every time I peak into Arrow, I just feel they’re not … healthy for each other. I mean I have other thoughts but I just don’t care enough. I occasionally like them in fanfic but I really don’t get why fandom went so hard for them in the beginning. 

I want to say I don’t understand Malex. But I do.  Some days unfortunately. Other days determinedly, because I refuse to let this deliberately obtuse fandom ruin them for me. 

I didn’t get Nate and Amaya. I can’t even remember half my issues with them other than 1) I didn’t like how Nate treated her at times (or more the story treated her/them writ him) 2) I found them boring. Which. I suppose is enough.

Snowbarry. Wow. LOL. There is. LOL. Listen. I ship the most random ass things. I don’t need much to get on board for Kyle and Maria (I like them both. They’re my faves. Boom). But if ever there was a ship that was just so obviously ‘two white people near each other’ than it is this one. They had cute scenes but I honestly feel they bounce better off Iris/Candice and Cisco/Carlos than each other (though I remain bitter re: Caitlin receiving the White Woman Lack of Actual Accountability treatment as per the CW so I remain firmly off Iris/Cait and mostly off Cisco/Caitlin trains.)

Sara and Ava. All the women of color that Sara knew. That the story paralleled her with. That proved to be great teammates and partners for her. They had to cast some blond woman who could be her sister. It creeps me out. Also, I never got to click with Ava. She annoyed the eff out of me when I used to watch. 

Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?*

Olicity. LOL. Unless someone else is there (DIGGLE. I sob. They both literally were more interesting with Diggle. Sara!) I usually don’t care. I barely BROTP them these days but I used to.

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

The racism.

Popular character you hate? 

I haven’t reached it yet for Roswell. But I didn’t think Alex was much of a character at first (I think he really clicked for me when he took his father captive. Like there were moments before then where I saw some appeal – like him calling Liz out re: Maria. His moments with Mimi and Kyle. But I didn’t get why the carp for him). I feel like it could be easy for me to come to resent him because the fandom refuses to acknowledge his meanness. At the moment, for me, it’s interesting character trait. But he’s legit being absolved of any accountability … it makes me roll my eyes. I hope the show doesn’t go by way of the fandom with this. This is what made me wish the Mikaelsons would die in their own show, lol. 

Hmm. There were moments I wanted to yeet Oliver into the sun. The combination of Arrow’s torture/man pain porn obsession and my just disliking Stephen Amell. But I creep season 8 and I lowkey am reminded why I used to be soft for him. Oliver. Not Stephen.

I get Fatigued re: Caitlin and Felicity and Nate. 

Unpopular character you love?

Dinah. Laurel. Lance. I wouldn’t call her unpopular these days but she still gets flack. LOL. She dead, bih. Let her rest. Also, I really like Emiko. (I mean I haven’t watched the latest but I am sure I still would. I tolerated Oliver and Barry for so long. I doubt there’s anything she could do that could like change that.) Moira Queen. I mean she did ruin Emiko’s life. But man, I miss her. I never said it was a perfect love. Iris West is another who has a strong fanbase but gets such fucking flack still. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson wasn’t unpopular but he wasn’t white so. 

I don’t LOVE Isobel. But I feel like I’m one of the few people who want to see her more fleshed out. 

[tomspancakes]

This Way: Part 4

*not my gif*

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 3580

Warnings: still a crazy ass bih lol. I can’t stop with the drama sorryyy

Summary: Y/n starts noticing how weird Tom is being and decides to confront him.

A/N: I think I’m going to post two days in a row then have one day off, but like a sis is nearing the end of her school year so let’s hope I stick with it haha. Please lmk if you’re enjoying this/ have any constructive criticism. ALSO I need help like ded ass don’t know if I’m stupid or if it’s tumblr’s fault, but when I tag people some of the tags don’t work :/ BUT don’t hesitate to ask to be a part of the tag list :) 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

+++

*week and a half before lock down*

You opened the door to the flat exhausted after a long day of filming and walked into the living room to see Tom busy on his laptop. He looked up, 

“Oh hi, y/n.” He shut his laptop and stood up, you gave him a strange look.

“Leaving already? Do I smell or something?” You joked and flopped on the couch. Tom has been acting really strange with you after the dinner with his family. Lately he’s been leaving you alone whenever one of the boys got up to leave as well. ‘Was he feeling awkward about being friends?’ you thought to yourself. 

“Oh no no you don’t smell. You always smell nice,” He blushed because he said too much, “Just need to work on this script, Harry’s been on my ass about it.” He said and began to walk away before you could reply.

“What? Not even gonna ask how my day was... you know like a friend?” You teased and Tom sighed and squeezed his eyes shut and turned around

“How was your day, y/n?”

“It was long, tiring, and someone was really rude to me on the set.” You sighed and waited for him to sit back down so he could listen, but he never did, “Ok then… how about your day, Tom?” This was starting to get awkward, 

“Didn’t really do anything, just ate and worked on the first act of the movie, which still isn’t done so if you’ll excuse me I’m going to my room now.” He said quickly, turning around again walking away.

“How rude. ‘Ya let’s be friends, y/n, it’ll be fun.’” You grumbled and mimicked him in an annoyed voice. Tom heard and felt really bad to pretend he didn’t.

-

You were now sitting on Harry’s bed watching him edit his short film and eating ice cream, he listened to how your day went,

“And oh my god one of the stunt fighter guys was being a straight up asshole,” You rolled your eyes eating another spoonful of ice cream,

“How so?” Harry asked

“Well I kept messing up this one stunt where I was in heels and we ended up filming it 7 times. I mean I felt bad for wasting time, but that was until the dickhead said, ‘I don’t even know why they casted you, it’s a simple stunt just get this shit down already so we can move on!’” You said in a deep voice mimicking the guy, “I was so embarrassed, but thankfully Ryan stood up for me. Still ruined my day though.”

“What the hell? What kinda asshole-,” He got up from his spot on the bed all riled up, “Who is this guy? I’m gonna end him. Does he even realize how damn hard it is to do a stunt in heels?” You laughed at Harry’s protectiveness, “Tom literally took half a day to film one stunt and he wasn’t in heels!” You shrugged.

“Sit your ass back down. Thanks for trying to protect me, but everything will be fine, I’m strong. It’s business gotta suck it up.” He rolled his eyes and jumped on you with a bear hug. You laughed and tried to push him off of you, but he was too heavy. 

“Harry, you bitch, I can’t breathe.”

“I just want to protect my best friend.” He said before letting you go and going back to editing.

“Speaking of Tom, have you noticed that he’s avoiding me?” You asked quickly.

“Huh? I haven’t noticed anything of the sort. I mean you guys are both really busy right now aren’t you?” You nodded and rested your head on Harry’s shoulder,

“I mean I guess, but haven’t you noticed like yesterday when you left the kitchen Tom rushed a bit to leave also?” 

“Oh yeah I forgot about that, it was quite strange now that I think about it.” 

“Yeah Tom’s been doing that to me ever since we left your parents’ house. And when I got home today I tried to talk to him about my day, because you know I thought he’s my friend, and he just said he really needed to work on the script and left to his room!”

“Hmm, I did tell him to finish the first act by tomorrow, but he’s been working in the living room all day. Said something about his room being more of a distraction. Also it’s not like Tom to leave without hearing someone out. He always listens.” You just sighed,

“I guess he thinks it’s still weird to be friends. I tried, sorry, Harry.”

“Please don’t give up just yet, y/n, maybe he’s just stressed or something. You know I wouldn’t want to pick sides.” You nodded and started to drift off to sleep and felt Harry remove the bowl from your lap.

-

“Y/n, love, wake up.” you were being shaken by Harry.

“Huh? Oh sorry, did I fall asleep?” You asked groggily and he laughed,

“Yeah and I finished editing the short film!” You jumped up no longer tired anymore.

“Oh my god yay, Harry! Can I see it now pleaseeee?” You jumped up and down on the bed.

“Tomorrow, love, it’s 1 am now and I want to show everyone in the house at the same time.” You pouted and he laughed.

“Fine then be like that. But I’m proud of you.” You hugged him, “Good night, Harry, can’t wait to see the finished product!” 

“Night, love.” He chuckled and you walked out with your empty dish.

You pulled out your phone and opened the Instagram app to see that Tom posted something on his story about 30 minutes ago. It was a picture of the script and his foot captioned, “Working on something big, like my big toe.” You giggled a bit and muttered, “Idiot.” The next story post was from Tuwaine, it was a picture you all took together after breakfast when Tom burnt himself. You were laying across the boys’ laps and Tom was happily looking down at your smiling face. It was captioned, “If lock down happens, it’ll be a real party with these people.” You smiled and reposted it to your story.

As soon as you reached the kitchen you saw Tom sitting at the counter and typing away on his laptop.

“Hey, Tom, still working?” Tom jumped at the sound of your voice.

“Jesus, don’t scare me like that. And yes I couldn’t sleep, b-but I think I’m getting tired now.” He was about to close his laptop and leave, but you stopped him. 

“Oh my god… I’m just gonna put my dish in the sink and leave.” His frazzled expression turned to a relaxed one and he sat back down typing again, refusing to look at you. You began to walk away then felt the urge to ask,

“Tom, a-are you avoiding me?” It came out quieter than you thought, you felt vulnerable. He stopped typing for a brief moment when you asked.

“No, definitely not. Why’d you think that?” You walked back to the counter and stood across him leaning on the surface.

“I’ve been noticing that you're in a rush to leave the room when we’re alone…” Tom continued to type, but incorrectly because of his nerves. 

“Oh, I-I’m sorry, love, didn’t mean for you to think that. I’m just busy is all, I promise.” He said and pointed at the laptop.

“Too busy to hear your friend rant about her day?” You asked and he sighed. His heart dropped when you called yourself his friend.

“I’m afraid so, love. Now why don’t you go sleep don’t you have to film tom-” You cut him off getting tired of the excuses,

“Tom cut the shit, I know you’re avoiding me and I don’t get why.” Tom sighed as you rambled and he put his laptop to the side because he wasn’t getting anything done, “I really appreciate you letting me stay here, but shouldn’t we at least talk a little bit? I mean I was ready to be friends with you for Harry’s sake and then we talked at the dinner and then I was genuinely ready to start off on a new foot. I’ve been trying so hard to reach out to you and you’re literally avoiding me now. Like are you even trying at all? Because I don’t-” Your eyes began to water. Tom got too frustrated and cut you off,

“Y/n I can’t talk about this right now. Please, it’d be better if we discussed this another time.”

“What the hell? Are you being serious? You were a dick when we broke up, you were a dick when I tried to reach out to you, and now you’re being a dick for putting our so called ‘friendship’ on ho-”

“Y/n, stop! Ok? I get it. You can call me a dick and an asshole whatever you want, but this is all for you! Everything I do is for you or because of you! So just leave me the fuck alone, please.” His voice cracked when he said the last sentence. 

“What the hell are you talking about? What are you doing for me?” You stared at him confused.

“I can’t say anything, it’s for the best. Just drop it.” You looked at one another, tears threatening to fall out of Tom’s eyes, you hadn’t noticed you were already crying.

“No. I’m not gonna leave until you tell me what’s going on, Tom. I care for you and I want to be here for you, just tell me what’s going on please.” He looked at you and furrowed his brows making tears stream down his cheeks, it hurt to see you so sad especially since he caused it. He turned around in distress and brushed his hands through his hair before turning back to you. He looked into your eyes and sighed knowing there was no way out of this situation.

“I’ve been avoiding you because I told Allana you’re my ex.” 

“Ok and what’s so ba-”

“Let me finish, y/n, please.” You apologized softly.

“I told her not to tell anyone because I didn’t want to break the promise of letting the world know that we dated. A-and she threatened to spill the secret if I didn’t stay away from you. She said if I ever told anyone about what she said or if she ever saw me close to you again she’d expose us right away. I-I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship because I decided to be honest to my two-faced girlfriend.” All this information hit you like a train.

“Wow, what. a. fucking. Bitch.” You said stunned, Tom scoffed.

“I feel like an idiot for not listening to the boys and not seeing the red flags.” He sat back down and put his head in his hands. 

“Hey don’t worry, I didn’t notice anything either. Hell I tried to help her. Maybe we’re too gullible…” What you said didn’t really help so Tom began to sob a bit. You walked over to his side and put a hand on his forearm so that he could look at you. His heart was racing at your touch.

“Look, I know Allana is bat shit crazy, but…” You paused thinking if this was a good thing to tell him, “I uh I don’t think I can have you avoiding me all the time, I want you in my life,” He looked up at you surprised, “a-as a friend.” His heart dropped, was that all you were ever going to see him as? A damn friend? 

“Ok, but Allana will tell everyone, and I know how much you care about your privacy.” He said with a stuffy nose, you grabbed a tissue for yourself and Tom.

“I know, but we’ll figure out a way. We were clever enough to hide a 6 month relationship.” You smiled, but you both felt sad when you mentioned your past. He got up and wrapped you in his arms tightly. You swayed back and forth as you felt wet droplets fall on the top of your head, and you soaked Tom’s white t-shirt. You both weren’t crying only because of what just happened, but because you missed one another in a way that words can’t explain. You let out the tears you didn’t cry from when Tom didn’t respond to you and remembered the nights you’d go through old pictures of you and him alone. Tom was crying out all the tears he wanted to let out when he saw that picture of you and Gavin and from the nights that he craved your touch. He tightened his arms around you like it was the last time he’d ever see you. 

“Allana might be watching from outside the window, I’m gonna let you go now.” You said and Tom chuckled sadly letting you go, “We’ll talk about what we can do about this situation in the morning or another time.” You smiled kindly at Tom and he nodded. Tom grabbed your hand softly before you could walk away and pulled you close. You gulped because of how close you were to him,

“Thanks for being so kind, sleep well. Goodnight, y/n.” You smiled and replied,

“Thanks for being more kind to me. Goodnight.” You gave him one last hug and walked away feeling relieved while Tom still felt guilty despite what you said. He still felt like he needed to do more.

-

You woke up at 8 AM feeling a lot happier for some reason. Maybe it was because you cleared things up with Tom last night or because you were going to film a really exciting scene today with some new people. 

You walked into the kitchen, “Goodmorning boys!” You said enthusiastically walking up behind where Harry was seated and gave him a hug from behind.

“Ew why’re you happy?” Harry asked, still tired. 

“Morning, y/n!!” Tuwaine and Haz said in unison. You grabbed a bowl and poured yourself a bowl of cereal.

“Harry, when are we gonna watch your film, I can’t wait any longer.” You complained.

“Maybe when you come back from set, I want to go back to sleep after I eat.”

“Ugh you’re so lazy.” You joked, “where’s Tom, isn’t he usually up by now?”

Tuwaine looked at the other boys then at you apologetically, “He uh left around 5 this morning.”

“Oh for an early workout or something?” You asked, taking a bite of cereal.

“No,” Tuwaine cleared his throat, “to Berlin, Germany.” You choked on your cereal. 

“Wait what, you’re joking I thought he leaves in 3 days.” 

“I don’t know exactly why he left, something about needing a few days for himself before filming. Which I understand because he’s been working hard.” Haz said and you furrowed your brows, was it because of what happened last night? Harry noticed your concern.

“Y/n, do you know exactly why he left?” You wanted to tell him, but you couldn’t. If the boys found out what Allana said they’d definitely do something about it and you couldn’t let that happen. You shook your head,

“Nope, I’m just as confused as you are.” You said coolly.

-

“Are you sure you don’t know what was making Tom stressed?” Harry asked as he pulled up in front of the studio.

“Ya, I’m sure. He’s avoiding me, remember?” It pained you to lie to Harry like that, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to let the world know you and Tom dated. Harry looked like he didn’t believe you, but he let it go.

“Ok then… Text or call when you need me to pick you up.” You thanked him again for dropping you off and walked to the set. You saw Lana and walked with her,

“Hey, babes, did you see the text from Melissa?” You shook your head no. Melissa was in charge of scheduling which scenes would be filmed every day, “She said everyone needed to meet at crafty’s before going to sound stage 32.” 

“Really? Why?” 

“Not quite sure, but there’s been rumors that filming will be postponed.” Lana said sadly.

“Wait, you’re joking.” She shrugged and shook her head as you guys entered the food tent, everyone already looking disappointed.

“Hi everyone, as many of you know Covid-19 was just announced as a world wide pandemic and we’ve just been shut down from shooting anymore scenes at least for two weeks.” Melissa said everyone groaning, “Yes I know this sucks, but please stay safe and healthy while we’re shut down. If you have a trailer here please make sure you clear all your things out because there will be a cleaning team here in two days to…” You drowned Melissa’s voice out

“Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse…” You sighed and dropped your head on Lana’s shoulder and she patted your head.

“Lastly make sure you all stay in the same shape you are in now, so nothing looks different when we resume shooting.” Melissa hopped off the table and everyone began to clear out to get their things. You called Harry telling him the sad news. 

-

“I’m so upset, Harry, today sucks.” He patted your thigh as he made a right turn.

“It’ll be ok, love. I’m sure you will go back to filming in no time and you’ll actually miss having a break.” You just leaned your head on the window wondering if Tom at least made it safely to Berlin, and in that exact moment your phone pinged. 

Tom: Hi, y/n, I assume the boys have already told you that I left for Berlin. I just landed. I’m really sorry for not giving a warning, but the space is for the best. I hope you can understand xx

You were upset with everything and everyone at this point and Tom’s text just ruined your mood more. How does he know what’s best for you? Mad and feeling petty you texted back,

You: k.

Tom: Please, trust me, y/n. This will help out our situation.

You: Last time I checked running away from your problems never helps the situation.

You threw your phone back into your purse annoyed.

“Oh shit, what the fuck is she doing here?” Harry asked, displeased. You looked up to see Allana pulling into the driveway just before you and Harry did. 

“Great. Just fucking great. Harry, I think I’m gonna scream.”

“I think I will too. Can we just drive around until she’s gone?”

“That would be nice, but I think she already spotted us and won’t leave.” You pointed at her going to sit down on the porch. Harry groaned and pulled into the driveway. As soon as you and Harry stepped out the car she stood up and barked,

“Where the hell is Tom? He hasn’t texted me since yesterday afternoon, today is our 5 month anniversary.” Well that makes things more complicated. Harry looked at you with wide eyes, “What? Why’re you looking at her like that? Did you have something to fucking do with this, y/n?” She said giving you the dirtiest look ever. ‘Bitch I hope it wasn’t because of me.’ You thought. Harry got closer to you in protective mode.

“No no I swear. We were all surprised to see Tom gone this morning.”

“Gone? Where the hell is he?” 

“He went to Berlin early. Now if you’ll excuse us we’d like to relax in our home.” Harry said not letting you talk, almost standing in front of you now. You both began to walk past her, but she squeezed your arm tight and yanked you back. You winced in pain.

“You bitch what did you do? Don’t even think about fucking lying to me.” Her eyes burned into your soul.

“Allana, what the fuck you’re crazy! back off!” Harry said, pulling you back behind him, “I suggest you leave now before things get more ugly.” He said in the most intimidating way possible.

“Ok, but the only thing ugly about this is whatever y/n did with Tom. I don’t doubt for a second that you’re a stupid whore. I saw that photo of you laying on him last night, and I’ve seen how you flirt with Tom you sk-”

“Allana that’s enough, go now!” Harry yelled and she looked surprised. She glared at you before stepping back, “Stay the fuck away from Tom he doesn’t need your ugly ass all over him.” “Allana, sweetie, we live in the same house. Quite dumb of you to think we can really stay away from one another.” You laughed darkly as tears of anger welled up in your eyes.

“Ok then, cunt. Go near him, I dare you. You have no idea what I’m capab-”

“Allana, I said fucking leave!” Harry was tired of this shit. Allana scoffed and finally drove away.

Harry turned to you cradling you in his arms as you let tears fall down your face, “I hate today…” you hiccuped, “a lot.” 

“I know, I know.” He cooed. You looked up at him, “I know something is up, y/n. You need to tell me why my brother really left so I can help you.” You sighed and nodded.

“Ok let’s get you cleaned up.” He kept you close to his side and you both walked in. Tom was so wrong thinking him leaving would solve anything.

+++

Tag list:  @averyfosterthoughts​ @thollandx​ @mrsjeffwittek​ @panicattheeverywherekid​ @racewife2004​ @greatpizzascissorstaco​ @witchything​ @wheelertozier​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @rafficorn @jessirosebud​ @peterspideyy​ @superstarchick​ @jackiehollanderr​  @astridcommings @mineymak712 @hollands-osterfield​ @inhumanwithpowers​

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i  can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.