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shesey · 4 years ago

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Excerpts from Rachel Cusk’s “Kudos”

“A degree of self-deception, she said, was an essential part of the talent for living.” “What is history other than memory without pain?” “...for the world seemed full of people living evilly without reprisal and living virtuously without reward, the temptation to abandon personal morality might arise in exactly the moment when personal morality is most significant.” “I have met people who have freed themselves from their family relationships. Yet there often seems to be a kind of emptiness in that freedom, as though in order to dispense with their relatives they have had to dispense with a part of themselves.” “You asked me earlier... whether I believed that justice was merely a personal illusion. I don’t have the answer to that... but I know that it is to be feared, feared in every part of you, even as it fells your enemies and crowns you the winner.” “We invent these systems with the aim of ensuring fairness, she said, and yet the human situation is so complex that it always evades our attempts to encompass it.” “They forgive so easily, it is almost as if nothing matters.” “And I wonder, she said, whether we haven’t done them a great disservice in sparing them this pain, which might somehow have brought them to life, at the same time as knowing that this couldn’t possible by true, and that it is only my own belief in the value of suffering that makes me think it. I am one of those who believes that without suffering there can be no art.” “It may be the case, she said, that it is only when it is too late to escape that we see we were free all along.” “Why should I trust your view of the world if you can’t even take care of yourself? If you were a pilot, I wouldn’t get on board - I wouldn’t trust you to take me the distance.” “You earn just enough to get by but at the end of the day there’s nothing left mentally, and so you cling to the job even harder.” “That tribe was one to which nearly all the men in this country belonged and it defined itself through a fear of women combined with an utter dependence on them.” “We live with an almost superstitious belief in our own differences, she said, and Luis has shown that those differences are not the result of some divine mystery but are merely the consequence of our lack of empathy, which if we had it would enable us to see that in face we are all the same. It is for his empathy, she said, that Luis has received such acclaim, and so I believe he should congratulate himself, rather than feeling ashamed for being praised.” “... and it is impossible not to feel that we have broken him, not out of malice but out of our own carelessness and selfishness.” “Behind every man is his mother who has made so much fuss of him he will never recover from it and will never understand why the rest of the world doesn’t make the same fuss of him, particularly the woman who has replaced his mother and who he can neither trust nor forgive for replacing her.” “... because it reminds them of the possibility that it is patience and endurance and loyalty - rather than ambition and desire - that bring the ultimate rewards.” “In this country, for a woman to survive the numerous attempts to crush her, he said, she has to live like a hero, always getting up again and always, ultimately, alone.” “I replied that this was something all of us had felt in our turn, as we passed into adulthood and recognized the role of outside events in shaping history and their capacity to interfere in and change our lives, which until now had remained in the hermetic state of childhood.” “Great art was very often brought to the service of this self-immolation, as great intelligence and sensitivity often characterized those who found the world an impossible place to live in.” “Could a spiritual value be attached to the mirror itself, so that by passing dispassionately though evil it proved its own virtue, its own incorruptibility?” “And that was without mentioning the moral duty of the critic to correct the tendency of culture likewise to err towards safety and mediocrity, a responsibility you couldn’t measure in dinner invitations.” “What he couldn’t tolerate above else, he went on, was the triumph of the second-rate, the dishonest, the ignorant: the fact that this triumph occurred with monotonous regularity was one of life’s mysteries.” “Yet if one looked at the work of Louise Bourgeois, one saw that it concerned the private history of the female body, its suppression and exploitation and transmogrifications, its terrible malleability as a form and its capacity to create other forms.” “It is hard to think, she said, of a better example of female invisibility than these drawings, in which the artist herself has disappeared and exists only as the benign monster of her child’s perception.” “Plenty of female practitioners of the arts, she said, have more or less ignored their femininity, and it might be argued that these women have found recognition easier to come by, perhaps because they draw a veil over subjects that male intellectuals find distasteful.” “It is understandable, she said, that a woman of talent might resent being fated to the feminine subject and might seek freedom by engaging with the world on other terms.” “I remember, she continued, as a young girl, the realization dawning on me that certain things had been decided for me before I had even begun to live, and that I had already been dealt the losing hand while my brother had been given the winning cards. It would be a mistake, I saw, to treat this injustice as thought it were normal, as all my friends seemed prepared to do.” “These boys, she said, had the most ridiculous attitudes towards women, which they were busy learning from the examples their parents had given them, and I saw the way that my female friends defended themselves against those attitudes, by making themselves as perfect and as inoffensive as they could. Yet the ones who didn’t defend themselves were just as bad, because by refusing to conform to these standards of perfection they were in a sense disqualifying themselves and distancing themselves from the whole subject. But i quickly came to see, she said, that in fact there was nothing worse to be an average white male of average talents and intelligence: even the most oppressed housewife, she said, is closer to the drama and poetry of life than he is, because as Louise Bourgeois shows us she is capable at least of holding more than one perspective. And it was true, she said, that a number of girls were achieving academic success and cultivating professional ambitions, to the extent that people had begun to feel sorry for these average boys and to worry that their feelings were being hurt. Yet if you looked only a little way ahead, she said, you could see that the girls’ ambitions led nowhere, like the roads you often find yourself on in this country, that start off new and wide and smooth and then simply stop in the middle of nowhere, because the government ran out of money to finish building them.” “I also enjoyed the attentions of men, she said, while making sure never to commit myself to any one man or to ask for commitment in return, because I understood that this was a trap and that I could still enjoy all the benefits of a relationship without falling into it.” “It did not seem like enough, she said, simply to pass the baton to the next runner, in hope that she would win the race for me.” “I have a male counterpart on the show, she said, and he is not required to look attractive, but I am not in the slightest bit interested in that example of inequality. What I am interested in is power, she said, and the power of beauty is a useful weapon that too often women disparage or misuse.” “For a while, at university, I sat as a life model for the art students, she said, partly to make money and partly to get this subject of the female body out into the open, because it almost seemed to me that even by clothing myself I was inviting the mystery to take root there under my clothes, and to weave the web of subjection in which later I might become trapped.” “In my own case, she said, I have fought to occupy a position where I can perhaps right some of these wrongs and can adjust the terms of the debate to an extent by promoting the work of women I find interesting.” “I said I wasn’t sure it mattered where people lived or how, since their individual nature would create its own circumstances: it was a risky kind of presumptions, I said, to rewrite your own fate by changing its setting; when it happened to people against their will, the loss of the known world - whatever its features - was catastrophic.” “... That family was big and noisy and easy-going, and there was always room for him at the table, where huge comforting meals were served and where everything was discussed by nothing examined, so that there was no danger of passing through the mirror, as he had put it, into the state of painful self-awareness where human fictions lose their credibility.” “The truth was that he no longer wanted to go there, beacuse the same things that a year or two earlier he had found warm and consoling he know found oppressive and annoying: those mealtimes were a yoke, he now saw, by which the parents sought to bind their children to them and to perpetuate, as he saw it, the family myth...” “He recognized that in taking their comfort he had created a responsibility towards them; and this realization, I said, had caused him to consider the true nature of freedom. He understood that he had given some of his freedom away, through a desire to avoid or alleviate his own suffering, and while it didn’t seem exactly an unfair exchange, I believed he wouldn’t do it again quite so easily.” “There was a word in his language, I said, that was hard to translate but that could be summed up as a feeling of homesickness even when you are at home, in other words as a sorrow that has no cause. This feeling was perhaps what had once driven his people to roam the world, seeking the home that would cure them of it. It may be the case that to find home is to end one’s quest, I said, but it is with the feeling of displacement itself that the true intimacy develops and that constitutes, as it were, the story. Whatever kind of affliction it is, I said, its nature is that of the compass, and the owner of such a compass puts all his faith in it and goes where it tells him to go, despite appearances telling him the opposite.” “But you, he said to me, don’t belong anywhere, and so you are free to go wherever you choose.” “... these experiences do not fully belong to reality and the evidence for them is a matter of one person’s word against another’s.” “Our bodies outlive their use of them, and that is what annoys them most of all. These bodies continue to exist, getting older and uglier and telling them the truth they don’t want to hear.” “I feel so lonely, he said, and yet I have no privacy.” “You can’t tell your story to everybody, I said. Maybe you can only tell it to one person.”

#rachel cusk #kudos #feminism

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uncloseted · 4 years ago

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To the anon saying they know anorexics who don't look anorexic, to be anorexic you have to be underweight. No doctor is going to ever diagnose a person with anorexia unless they are clinically underweight. The actual medical definition of anorexia is just to be severely underweight, eg. cancer patients with incredibly low body weight are, by definition, anorexic. Anorexia nervosa is the mental disorder, and to be diagnosed with it you have to be significantly underweight.

Okay so I want to define a couple of terms before diving into the meat of this question.

Anorexia (symptom): the symptom of decreased appetite. Anorexia as a symptom can have many different causes- everything from radiation sickness to gastrointestinal issues like Chron’s or ulcerative colitis to kidney diseases to pancreatitis to thalassemia to zinc deficiency to infection to drug use to altitude sickness (me right now), to psychological stress, to disgust, etc. etc. A person who is displaying the symptom of anorexia does not have to be underweight. They just need to not have an appetite. Generally, anorexia as a symptom becomes clinically significant when the person has lost weight or muscle, which can happen at any weight. Conversely, people with very low body weight do not necessarily experience the symptom of anorexia (people with hyperthyroidism, for example).

Anorexia Nervosa: an eating disorder. Per the DSM-5, a person must have the following three symptoms to be diagnosed with anorexia nervosa:

Restriction of energy intake relative to requirements, leading to a significant low body weight in the context of the age, sex, developmental trajectory, and physical health (less than minimally normal/expected).

Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat or persistent behavior that interferes with weight gain.

Disturbed by one’s body weight or shape, self-worth influenced by body weight or shape, or persistent lack of recognition of seriousness of low bodyweight.

Anorexia nervosa has two subtypes, purging and restrictive. A person has the purging subtype if during the last three months, the person has regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging. A person has the restrictive subtype if during the last three months, they have not regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging.

Somewhat confusingly, people with anorexia nervosa do not always experience anorexia (lack of appetite) as a symptom. Some people with anorexia nervosa do have an appetite, but will not eat for other reasons.

The DSM-5 criteria is actually progress in terms of letting go of weight as a defining characteristic of anorexia nervosa. In the DSM-IV, a person's weight had to be “at or under 85% of the ideal body weight”. The more general language of “significantly low body weight” allows clinicians to make their own determinations about whether or not a person meets that criteria. However, low body weight is still a criteria for diagnosis of anorexia nervosa. People without low body weight who have an intense fear of gaining weight and feel disturbed by their own bodies are generally diagnosed with one of two things:

Bulimia Nervosa: an eating disorder. Per the DSM-5, a person must have the follow symptoms to be diagnosed with bulimia nervosa:

A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating, as characterized by both:

Eating, within any 2-hour period, an amount of food that is definitively larger than what most individuals would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances.

A feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating.

Recurrent inappropriate compensatory behaviors in order to prevent weight gain such as self-induced vomiting; misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or other medications; fasting or excessive exercise.

The binge eating and inappropriate compensatory behaviors occur, on average, at least once a week for 3 months.

Self-evaluation is unjustifiability influenced by body shape and weight.

The disturbance does not occur exclusively during episodes of anorexia nervosa.

Bulimia has two subtypes, purging and non-purging. A person has the purging subtype if they have regularly engaged in self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas. A person has the non-purging subtype if the person has used inappropriate compensatory behaviors, such as fasting or excessive exercise, but has not regularly engaged in self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas.

Many people who have restrictive eating habits but are at a normal weight have episodes of binging, and are therefore considered to have non-purging bulimia nervosa as opposed to anorexia nervosa.

The other diagnosis that people with restrictive eating habits but a normal weight are sometimes diagnosed with is OSFED (previously EDNOS). OSFED is “other specified feeding or eating disorder” and is for people who "are experiencing significant distress due to symptoms that are similar to disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge-eating disorder, but who do not meet the full criteria for a diagnosis of one of these disorders.” There are a few different types of OSFED, but the one that’s important for this conversation is atypical anorexia nervosa. Atypical anorexia nervosa is defined as when, “the individual meets the criteria for anorexia and has sustained significant weight loss as a result, but they remain within or above the weight range that is considered normal for their height and gender.“

So you’re both right, in a sense. A diagnosis of anorexia nervosa does require significantly low body weight, but there are also people who are diagnosed with atypical anorexia nervosa (and therefore “are anorexics”) who are not underweight.

As I mentioned in my previous reply, I think the distinctions between anorexia, bulimia, and OSFED are mainly for insurance billing purposes. People with significantly low body weights and restrictive eating habits need a certain set of interventions to recover, while people who are a healthy weight but have restrictive eating habits need a different set of interventions. Grouping them this way allows for more efficient billing.

However, there is a discussion to be had about whether the weight criteria in a diagnosis of anorexia nervosa is appropriate. Since anorexia nervosa is a mental illness, I don’t think the state of the physical body should matter in terms of diagnosis. It’s better that we diagnose and treat anorexia nervosa before the patient becomes significantly underweight than to refuse to treat until that criteria is met. The sooner anorexia nervosa is treated, the less likely it is that the person will relapse, and the less likely it is that they’ll have chronic health complications as a result of their eating disorder.

I think the reason that doesn’t happen is because inpatient beds at eating disorder treatment facilities are relatively scarce, and not many clinical psychologists are specialists in eating disorder treatment. They’re treating the worst cases first because there aren’t enough resources to allocate to people who seem to be *mostly fine*. And that’s a really big problem. I think we need to put more time and money into increase the number of resources we have for people who are struggling with eating disorders, encourage people to become specialists in that field, and increase awareness of atypical anorexia so fewer people fall through the cracks.

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ask-these-fantrolls · 4 years ago

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you're good at drawing fat bodies! would you ever make a tutorial on it?

[I mean, I can try! I’ve never really tried making a tutorial before, but I’ll do my best! This will likely be more of a tutorial that does me dirty showing whatever weird/wrong ways I draw, so just keep that in mind please!

So it starts with your sketching phase. Take this thin/”fit” body sketch. This could be used for a man or woman depending on how you sketch it, but tbh I think this is a good place to plan out how you want your body type.

Does your character have a slightly chubby body type? Do they have a bigger body type?

When it comes to actually sketching, I actually really suggest against adding “fat blobs” to a thin body form. At a baseline, the body type shouldn’t be an afterthought! Instead, you should make a body form sketch that takes into account your ideas over all.

Let’s assume that I want to make a bigger fat character

Be sure to think out where the character carries most of their weight. Is it in the tummy? Is it in the bottom or thighs? Do they mostly have a beer belly, or are they soft all over?

When sketching out their body, do your best to stay away from harsh or straight lines. Body fat produces a lot of soft curves and lines that you should make sure to pay attention to! For a character who is soft all over like this, you should especially pay attention to neck girth, stomach line weight, and back/side skin folds.

Characters like this will generally have thicker necks and folding skin on their backs and under their chest area. If you’re able, you should look up some life drawing references and work from there! As a tl;dr, though, the tummy will generally hang over and overlap, and will sometimes have the fold that I added under the belly button! There is usually always that very soft “w” shape to the bottom of the tummy though.

Now, some things to generally stay away from: A character who is overall fat, but has a twiggy thin neck is not exactly realistic, especially when paired with a thin face in contrast to the rest of their body.

You can see that in my sprites of my girl Fianna that I have given her a relatively thin neck. Honestly, I could thicken it a bit more, but paired with a rounder face and relatively proper weight distribution throughout the rest of the body (e.g. her upper arms being thicker, her breasts being fairly sized but sagging, and her stomach width) you can play around with it.

Next, a lot of the time people will just draw big boobs and hips and call it a day. That’s a nice hourglass, and some do have that body type, but if each of your characters have the “big butt big boobs thin waist” motif, then you should definitely look more into fat anatomy and what you’re actually going for.

Also, on the topic of big breasts, you need to take into account their weight. Gravity still works on tiddies, no matter how good of a bra you’re wearing. They are going to sag and they are going to droop. They will also generally be proportional to the rest of the body fat (so boobs that are bigger that the character’s entire torso with the excuse of being due to their body type is a little transparent.)

If you want your character to have big boobs, just give them big boobs! There’s nothing inherently with a tiddy OC, just Don’t try to make excuses for why it’s Totally Not Because You Wanted A Tiddy OC. It’s great if you want to give your fat character big breasts. Just make sure you consider their physics, and even try out smaller breast sizes while you’re at it! Fat does not always equal Big Tiddy Waifu.

Next, make sure you actually give your character’s tummy weight. Some issues I’ve seen in the past are that people tend to give their characters (for a very unfortunate lack of a better term) “vore tummies”. These tend to be near gravity defying, inflated and round stomachs that seem to be filled to unnatural capacity with something. Just understand that stomachs are in fact acted on by gravity and thus will sag and you should be fine.

Finally, try to remember that fat usually disperses across the entire body, so you will have an ultimately wider character. Stay away from giving your characters svelte waists along with their big tummies, and remember to make their thighs and arms thick enough to match. If you forget these aspects, your art might come off as more sexualized and fetishy than you want it to.

Bonus:

Something I’ve seen a few people struggling with is what actually constitutes “Fat” and “Thicc” and what might just be an average body type.

Above is a general body type that I’ve seen a few people describe as thicc, and I I will go ahead and say flat out: It Is Not.

I think this issue comes from how in most mainstream media, we see people who are near clinically underweight and are often told that is the “skinny normal”. Just because someone is not skin and bone, however, does not make them thicc or fat by any means. I’ve seen people describe their average weight, slightly toned men as thicc, and it just makes me cringe a bit?

There’s nothing wrong with average body types, or with skinny body types or toned body types or any body type whatsoever!!! What is an issue, though, is when we perpetuate the idea that an average body weight is actually a big body weight.

It is irritating for people who actually do have big body types to see, and it is a poisonous precedent to set that “Average is actually This Big” because it promotes being underweight and suggests that actually “thicc” body types are unnatural and even more “out of bounds”.

To actually make the above “thicc”, I would suggest... well.. thickening it out! Give them a bit more of a neck and more of a tummy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no patron saint of drawing fat. I’ve made all of the mistakes that I mentioned, and I even currently have characters that fall into my description of “stay away from this”. What’s important, though, is to make sure you actually understand and can execute the basics before you break or experiment with them.

Have fun, do your best, and keep practicing! Everything is hard to do when you first start out, but I hope that my advice is able to help point you in the right direction!]

#asks #long postimage heavy #tutorial #ask to tag #anonymous

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #337

“if i showed you my soul, would you cover your eyes?”

What's your favorite brand of chips? I like Lays best. Are you a good painter? My Painting teacher when I was in college last said I did wonderfully, but I definitely beg to differ. Before buying a car, do you usually test drive it? N/A Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? No, but a teacher has. It was so fucking awkward; it was very pacifist, the topic being about war, and it had some depressing tones of death; there was just silence at the end of it, and I still don't know if it was shock or "what the fuck, she's messed up." There was this one guy that went, "Nobody is going to clap at that?", though, which I thought was pretty nice and reassuring. Do you like pineapple? Yeah, I do. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don't have a favorite author. Have you and your best friend ever liked the same person? No. Do you have any freckles? Not on my face (though oddly enough, I did as a kid?), but on random parts of my body. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? English, German, and then Spanish. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? I hate it. Have you ever been to Sea World? As a child, yes. I'd never go as an adult. Do you know someone who suffers from short-term memory loss? I don't know how this is actually diagnosed, but my memory is absolutely fucking nightmarish, almost exclusively in short-term situations. I can remember the most obscure events from my childhood, but not what I said to you five seconds prior. I'm rather sure my medications have made it worse over time. Have you ever read any of John Green's books? I got like, one chapter or less into The Fault in Our Stars before the book got replaced with the Wings of Fire series, so I never finished it. Are you a protective person? I'm an immensely protective person over those that matter to me. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No, thankfully. I'm terrified of earthquakes. What's one thing that makes everything in life worthwhile? The fact that to our proven knowledge, this is the only one we'll ever experience. What type of waffles do you like? (Plain, blueberry etc..) I prefer plain, but I can eat chocolate chip ones as well as blueberry and strawberry. Have you ever seen the show Wife Swap? Yeah, I actually quite like it. Do you like chicken or beef better? Or do you not eat meat? Chicken, I think. I eat meat, but wish I didn't. What brand of dish soap do you use? Dawn, usually. Do any of your neighbors have dogs? Yes, and they never shut up. Do you believe in fortune tellers? They're money-driver bullshitters. Have you ever been to one? No, and judging by the fervor in the above question, I hope you can tell I never would do so and thus monetarily support them. Do you like regular or chocolate milk better? Chocolate, of course. But I love normal milk, too. Once again, wish I didn't, though. Forcing a cow to constantly reproduce to lactate is pretty fucking cruel. Growing up, did you listen to country music? I actually did. Do you normally wash your hands in warm or cold water? If it's just a quick wash, it's usually cold because our water takes quite a few moments to warm up. However, if I'm looking to thoroughly wash my hands, it's gotta be relatively hot. Do you believe in mediums? I see them in a worse light than I do fortune tellers, so... Like sure, manipulate grieving people for profit, sounds great. Have you ever been to one? Obviously not. Have you ever dated someone on the football team? No. Do you have a gazebo at your house? No. Do you like tomatoes? Solely when straight from a garden and on a bacon and mayonnaise sandwich. Otherwise I am noooot a fan. Are you a competitive person? Not very, but there's a tiny spark in me, really when it just comes to photography. I hate it. Google or Bing? Does literally anyone use Bing? What's your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia. Do you have any ceramic animals in your house or outside? Ummm I don't think so. Have you ever given someone flowers? Yes. What is something you might eat with a hamburger? Fries or mac and cheese. What is a sport that you’ve always wanted to play, but never got a chance to. None. What is a fruit that you might eat in the morning? A banana. Who might you send a selfie to? I don't send selfies to anyone. About how many pages is the longest book you’ve ever read? I THINK it surpassed 1,000? At least in the high hundreds. Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? Probably Mom. Around what time do you start feeling tired enough to go to sleep? Truth be told, it's usually arouund 7-8. I rarely make it to 9:00 nowadays. What trends do you refuse to give in to? I don't even know what's trendy right now. What subjects in history interest you most? As dark as it is, I find the Holocaust interesting to learn about. Are you superstitious in any way? No. How do you get rid of anxiety? What a relevant question, being in a partial hospitalization program right now. Coping skills that help me are doing deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, and a little jerk back to reality is splashing freezing cold water on my face. It also helps to talk it out with somebody, just get my feelings into words. Then if it's a true anxiety or panic attack, I have my "emergency" anxiety prescription. Are there any items of jewelry you never/rarely take off? My lip and tragus piercings never do, and I always wear two rings. Do you find yourself correcting people’s grammar often? Not really, no. It just seems rude and snobby to me, honestly, if it's not in an educational setting, like helping someone with an essay. Correcting someone in your average conversation is just... unnecessary, imo. Now if you're talking like in surveys and stuff, I definitely do in questions and such, but I don't point it out. Gummi worms: Yay or nay? Yay, love 'em. What do you do when you have ‘me time’? I only ever have "me" time, so what I always do... Do you lack common sense sometimes? I have a horrible lack of common sense, shit's embarrassing. Have you ever poured glue on your hand just to peel it off for fun? No. How do babies make you feel? "Nervous. They’re so damn breakable." <<<< Mood. Would you/Have you milked a cow? No, and I'm not interested. What really gives you the creeps? #!: seeing a baby move inside its mother's stomach. It will actually make me scream and/or cry because it just grosses me the fuck out. Whale sharks' mouths also creep me out big time. Do you ever eat leftover pizza cold? Yeah, I love cold pizza. When you're wanting a midnight snack, what do you normally get? We normally have cashew bars that I like if I'm really hungry. Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Obviously Pikachu. My niece loves Pikachu anyway, so she'd be ecstatic to see a real one. Or well, maybe I'd go for an Eevee. Not as dangerous with electricity and all but just as cute and small. Do you like marshmallows? Yeah. If you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it? No. It would ruin so many factors of the temporary nature of life. Things would lose meaning, get old and boring, it'd be much easier to take advantage of things... There are many reasons why I have no desire to live forever. Hell, I even wonder if I want an afterlife for those same reasons. Did you ever really believe in Santa Claus? As a little kid, yeah. Do you like quesadillas? I like cheese, chicken, and shrimp ones. What's the greatest/most influential song you've ever heard? Ozzy's "Life Won't Wait." Do you prefer to pull off band-aids slowly or quickly? I tend to do it slowly. What was the last thing someone told you that had you at a loss for words? Uhhh I feel like Sara said something, but I don't remember what. What was the last health scare you had? Ugh... I'm kind of living in one now. As my legs have been worsening, I'm becoming increasingly concerned I'm eventually going to need a wheelchair for "walking" longer distances. And mind you, "long" for me is probably short for the average person. My knees do nothing but crack incessantly and burn when I use them, and they frequently feel like they're going to give way, and in a few rare instances, have. It's my own fucking fault for not sucking it up and exercising with my mom in the room, so I'd like to move on. What is your favorite filling for a piece of chocolate? Caramel. Do you enjoy the sound of birds chirping? I do. If applicable, what’s your favorite drug, and why? I don't do drugs, so. What was the last TV show you binge-watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender with Sara. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Definitely burgers. I don't like tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. What was the last job you applied for? Did you get the job? Deli worker, and yes. Do you use TikTok? No. What decorations do you have in your bathroom? None. Our bathroom is pretty small. Well, the one we use, anyway. The one attached to the master's bedroom isn't cleaned up yet, but we'll use it in case of emergency. What year was your favourite band formed? (Before people think I'm smart, no, I looked the dates up, haha.) Well Ozzy was Black Sabbath's vocalist, and the band formed in 1968, but Ozzy became a solo artist in 1979. What's your favourite fruit? Strawberries. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? I prefer psychological. Are you easily paranoid? Yeah. Do you have a favorite obsession? Meerkats and Mark are kinda tied, haha. Are you a workaholic? No. Have you ever given a tattoo before and would you like to? No and no; that would be an awful idea, given I have bad tremors in my hands. Have you ever seen the movie Labyrinth? I actually have not. Would you rather be called pretty or hot? Pretty. Have you ever gotten a serious injury at school? What happened? No. Have you ever performed in front of my large group of people? Yes; I was a dancer for many years. Have you ever fundraised? If so, what for? You know how Facebook recommends making fundraisers for a charity of your choice for your birthday? I've done that for the Trevor Project and two charities for ovarian and pancreatic cancers. Are you wearing earrings right now? Ugh, no, even though I want to be. The first holes in my ears are just too stretched for normal earrings because I wore heavy ones too often, and I just don't have nice earrings. I still want to get very small gauges to put in the stretched holes. Name a singer whose voice makes you swoon? Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stump can do that, holy shit. "America's Suitehearts" does it for me, man. Y'know, when his voice goes all deep. Do your pets follow you when you walk around the house? My cat Roman is quite literally my shadow. Where I go, he goes. What do you do online? I seem to only exist online, really, so I've got a lot on my plate to choose from, yet I'm still bored half the time, haha. I'm essentially always watching or listening to YouTube, I play World of Warcraft for varying amounts of time depending on the day, I scroll through deviantART, check KM periodically, do surveys obviously, "work" at the wikis I contribute to, wander around on Facebook... idk, that's all I really do at least semi-regularly online. Haha oh, wait, I also check Craigslist like... every day for tarantula and hognoses even though I can't currently get either. Let me dream. Do you have any scars on your face? I have a couple on my chin from when I fainted and busted it open. What countries were your grandparents born in? In the US. What was the most damaging relationship (romantic or not) that you’ve ever been a part of? Ultimately, with Jason, because of how it ended. The relationship itself wasn't at all damaging to me, but the breakup shook my entire fucking world. When in your life was your self-esteem at its lowest point? Self-esteem? Now. I'm very unhappy with my weight going back up, my body is just in poor health in general, I'm not employed, not in school... I just feel like a lowlife. Who was the last person you cut out of your life? Do you regret it? I want to say my sister's mother-in-law. Sure don't, considering she revealed her disgusting support for conversion therapy. I'm civil around her in person, but I kicked that woman off my Facebook so fucking quick when I saw that shit. Who is the most attractive person you know personally? That I know personally... I would say Alon, but I haven't seen even a picture of her in forever. Summer, though, shares selfies frequently, and by god is she gorgeous. I know a lot a lot of beautiful women, asldkjf;awe. It's funny that I'm blanking on men, at least involving people I still "know"/are somehow present in my life. Would you rather look older or younger than you are? I'm fine looking my age. Have you ever dated someone who was very vastly different from your “type”? No. What is the biggest project you’re currently working on? I suppose you can count an RP plot as a "project." I'm procrastinating so bad on it because it is going to be A LOT of writing. Is there a person from your past that you wonder about frequently? Who? Take a shot in the dark for me. Who knows you best, excluding romantic partners? My mother. What are your thoughts on human creation? I believe we evolved. How many people have you had sex with? One. Have you ever had a yard sale? Yeah. Have you ever been surfing? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''voices'' by motionless in white

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collecting-stories · 5 years ago

Text

Magic | Finn Shelby

You might have me believing I don’t always have to be alone. - Hey Stephen, Taylor Swift.

The door to the caravan swung shut and you pressed your hand over your mouth trying not to laugh. Giddy excitement blossomed in your stomach; your other hand entwined with Finn’s as you led him into the caravan.

“How much time do you suppose we have?” He asked, catching you around the waist and landing on the soft bed with you.

“Well since you let the door go, I’d guess less than ten minutes, Johnny’s got ears like a hawk.” You giggled, the noise near deafening when Finn leaned in and began placing kisses along your neck.

“I did no such thing, you’re the one who pulled me forward.” He replied, teasing you. His fingers danced across your sides as he kissed your cheeks and then your lips. Sooner than expected a pounding resonated on the wooden caravan door. You dropped your head down to the bed and groaned as Finn pulled himself off of you.

The door swung open and Johnny Dogs came through, his cap in his hands as he looked between the two of you. Finn was standing up, fixing his waistcoat while you sat up on the bed, shifting your dress so that it wasn’t twisted at the shoulders. Johnny’s eyes narrowed and the cap went back on his head as he frowned. “The two of you are gonna get your ears clobbered off. Now, Tommy’s here for you Finn, git.” He waved toward the door for Finn to walk passed him.

The youngest Shelby came out of the caravan, walking leisurely down the short steps and picking his cap off the ground where it had fallen as you dragged him toward the promise of privacy. Johnny came out after him and you behind Johnny, looking bashful now that you were aware of just how many people were around. Tommy was at the car with Arthur and John, all three with their eyes toward you and your boyfriend. It was a relatively new term for you.

It was just last week that you had been heading back to camp when you caught sight of Finn standing in the bakery on watery lane. You recognized him from the back, boyish and tall in stance, that ginger hair, so unlike his brothers, was peeking out from beneath his cap. Butterflies erupted in your stomach at the sight of him and you thought about just standing there, just window shopping a Shelby until the possibility of him catching sight of you was too much to risk. But you were itching to know what it’d be like to go out with him. Maybe you would just say hello. Your families crossed paths more often than not but you doubted he even knew who you were from anyone else in your clan.

Still you braved the bakery, enveloping yourself in the warm scent of yeast as you stepped into the small shop. The bell above the door signaled your arrival and Finn, who had been gazing at the different loaves with little interest turned at the noise. He’d been sent here on an errand by Polly but he cared little about which loaf of bread was the best and truly wanted to be doing something important. Something worthy of wearing the peaked cap he kept on.

“Hello,” You were surprised with how quickly you managed to find your voice when his eyes were on you. Carefully, you slipped passed him to the section of shelving nearest the wall. You could feel his eyes follow you to your spot and grew warm under his gaze.

“Afternoon.” Finn finally replied, squaring his shoulders and doing his best impression of the Shelby smirk. His hands found the lapels of his suit-coat and he tugged a little as if he was straightening out the impeccable uniform of the Peaky Blinders.

You smiled, albeit a little shy, before turning back to the bread. You were clutching your basket in your arm and trying to quell the bubbling nerves that were dancing in your stomach at the close proximity of your crush. You had been to the Garrison with your friends just the week prior and had seen Finn there. Not nearly the first time you had laid eyes on the youngest Shelby but still you couldn’t keep yours off of him that night. He looked so lovely in the gray suit he was sporting, laughing at the bar with Isaiah and Michael. Your friends had teased you when they realized they were watching the Shelby but you brushed off their eager chanting that you ‘must speak to him’. There was no way, you could hardly speak to a normal guy your age. God, a Shelby? Never.

“What do you think?” Finn continued, holding up two similar loaves of bread for your inspection.

“I would go for that one personally. A bit softer, I would say.” You replied, reaching for the loaf of bread you had chosen for him and giving it a gentle squeeze, as if selling your idea to him.

“Good choice.” Finn smiled, the smirk replaced with the sweetest glow of happiness that you’d ever seen. Better than the confident smirk and better than the forced laughter of trying to impress his friends. “I’d be willing to return the favor, should you need assistance.”

“Bread is a tricky subject.” You couldn’t keep your own smile off your face.

Finn stepped closer to you, his tall, thin frame cornering your somewhat shorter one as he reached around you to pull a loaf of bread from an upper shelf. It was silly you thought, to be flirting over something like bread, if flirting was what you were doing. He held the loaf out for you and you took it from him. “This one looks worthy.”

“If you’re sure.” You grinned, “then this one is it.”

Once Finn had paid for his bread, and yours as well, ignoring the protests you threw his way and insisted that he purchase both, he asked if there was anywhere he could walk you. “The streets can get a bit worrisome this time of the day.” He informed you, holding the door open and letting you pass beneath his arm.

“Midafternoon?” You asked, looking back to him. You were trying not to embarrass yourself in front of him, watching every step you took, afraid that you would trip and fall and Finn would think you were a klutz. You weren’t but the concern that he might think you were anything less than worthy of his time was terrifying. Desperately, all you wanted was his attention.

Finn was only twice as nervous, the skin beneath his suit feeling itchy and warm as he tried to keep his breathing calm and his voice steady. He was a Shelby after all, he had a reputation to uphold and part of that reputation, as proven by John and Tommy (and even Arthur on certain days) was a certain level of calm collectedness that made women swoon. He couldn’t throw all that expectation away just because looking at you made his pulse quicken and his hands clam up and his mouth go dry. What would you think if he so openly pursued you, if he said everything he wanted to say right off the bat? No, he had to play it cool.

“You never know, it’s best to be safe.”

“Well then I should appreciate the escort.” You replied. When he held his arm out, bent at the elbow, for you to take you did. Your fingers settled over the soft fabric of his suit, tucking into the inside of his elbow and smiling up at him. Pretty and pleasant, you tried to remind yourself.

Sure, John Shelby had been taken by a gypsy but that was a business set-up and John Shelby needed a mother for his children and Esme had a certain fire in her that seemed to draw everyone in, moths to her eternal flame. You were not Esme, you lacked that spirit that made her such a treasure. You were only average, nothing special about you to set you apart from other gypsies. Even other gypsies couldn’t not find anything interesting enough in you to take a second glance. What would Finn think to find out that you were not as sweet and lovely as the other girls in Small Heath. Not a proper English lady like Michael’s girl, you were more for the country. A breed of human meant to never settle, to never stay too long in the same place. Though you had returned to Small Heath plenty of times you had also been other places, rolling green moors that took away your breath and beautiful seas that called to you to swim in them. A true gypsy though you would willingly lay down your life in the caravan for a chance with Finn Shelby. Was that silly to say so early on? All he’d done was smile at you but you felt like the whole world was at the tips of your fingers.

“I’ve seen you around before,” Finn began to say but never finished. Someone called his name and he stopped walking you toward whatever destination you might eventually stop at to turn in the direction of the booming voice.

Against the noise of a busy street in Small Heath in the afternoon you could hear it. “Finn Shelby!”

There on the front step of a house was a woman you had seen plenty of times but never up close. Polly Gray stood at the door of the betting shop, hands on her hips in the most imposing manner she could have mustered as she shouted across the street for her nephew. The red blotchy warmth that was covering Finn’s body spread up to his ears, highlighting the freckles that he shared with his eldest brother. He was almost bashful as he looked at you.

“I’ve to go, can’t keep Aunt Pol waiting.” They said Tommy was in charge of the business but it was clear that Polly was in charge of everything else.

You nodded, “of course,” your hand fell from his elbow. He looked somewhat regretful like maybe he would have stayed if it had been anyone else calling his name.

“Could we see each other again? I’ll be at the Garrison tonight.” He said, looking back to Polly. Waiting for the next shout of his name to signify that there was no time left to stall. She waited too, as if to see what would come first.

“Alright.” You agreed before you could really think things through all the way. Could you be at the Garrison tonight?

Finn smiled, eyes alight as he leaned down and placed a kiss against your warm cheek. You bit your lip as he pulled away, looking both happy and mischievous. “I’ll see you tonight.” And then he was hurrying across the street with the loaf of bread tucked beneath his arm.

You kept your promise to go to the Garrison that night after bringing the loaf of bread home and rather furiously trying to find a dress that would like nice out of your limited chest of clothes. A borrowed one from a girl in another caravan who was slightly older and already wed ended up being the one you wore. You thought about asking along a friend or two, not wanting to seem like the desperate, crush-stricken girl who arrives at the Garrison alone in hopes that she’ll catch a Shelby’s eye. But in the end, you wanted whatever time was allotted you and Finn for yourself, not to be shared with others.

When you arrived at the pub it was already crowded though you couldn’t think of a time that it wasn’t. Some hung near the doors as if wanting to leave but ultimately being unable to pull themselves away from the goings on of the congregation gathered. Others occupied tables and barstools, laughing boisterously and chatting at volumes louder than necessary. You ducked between patrons, trying your best to appear confident in your pursuit of the bar. You would need multiple drinks at this point in the evening.

Finn was trying to get out of the house just as you were ordering a gin from the barkeep. He stood in the narrow hallway, hand on the doorknob, listening to Polly tell him that a family meeting was far more important than some girl at a pub.

“I’ve got to go Poll. Not like it matters, they don’t give a shit whether I’m there or not.” Finn argued, his knuckles turning white as his grip tightened. He wanted to scream. Just let me leave this god forsaken house. “I’ll ask Michael for all the important bits.”

“Finn Shelby, Tommy gave strict instruction-” She insisted.

Tell him to shove his instruction up his ass. “I’ll be back later.” Why should he sit through an evening of listening to Arthur belittle him in front of the family?

Cap in hand, he made a record sprint to the Garrison, slipping into the pub and spotting you at the bar. You were sipping on a gin and your eyes shifted nervously over the patrons as you scanned the room for his arrival. When you caught sight of his tall form by the door your eyes lit up with a smile and he nearly collapsed from the feeling in his chest. Wouldn’t it be nice to always see such a smile? Finn made his way to the bar, stepping between your barstool and the one beside it as he angled his body toward you.

“Sorry I’m late, a bit of family business needed clearing up.” There was that devilish smirk again as if he was so vital to family business that he would even been noticed in the room. You were none the wiser though and only nodded at his excuse for being held up. He wouldn’t admit to being a petulant child throwing a tantrum in the front hall at the thought of not being allowed out of the house.

“That’s alright, I would’ve understood.” You reply, doing your best version of a reassuring glance his way as you sipped on your gin. The truth being that you would never have understood and would likely have gone home gutted, too embarrassed at being stood up by a Shelby that you would never show your face in Small Heath ever again.

Finn tapped the wooden counter as the barkeep passed by and requested a glass of whiskey. “Nonsense.” His free hand went to the backrest of your chair and when you leaned back just slightly you could feel his warm skin against you, even through the dress. He looked over his shoulder, surveying the parties in the Garrison before settling on the door of the private room. “Want to go somewhere quieter?” He asked.

“You’ve only just ordered your drink.” You replied, not having noticed his appraisal of the room.

“We’re not leaving the Garrison, here, I’ll show you,” and his hand slipped off the stool and onto the small of your back, pressing you gently to stand. Even when you did he only removed his hand for a fraction of a second as you stepped out from the bar with him, your gin in his other hand. He walked with you, steering you toward the private room and giving the same devilish smirk as earlier when he opened the door and found it empty. “Go ahead.”

“Are we allowed in here?” You questioned though you went in anyway.

“Course, my brother owns the place.” Finn replied though truth be told they had been allowed in this room since before Arthur had bought the Garrison. This room was always set aside for Shelby business.

The window to the bar opened and the barkeep left Finn’s whiskey on the ledge which you retrieved for him, bringing it over with you to the table and taking a small sip. He liked the way you held the glass from the top, almost unsure, and sipped at the liquor. Your face scrunched up and Finn smiled as he switched drinks with you, sitting down beside you on the bench and stretching his arm across the back the same way Arthur always did. Gave him an air of authority, so Linda said.

“Not quite for me, think I’ll stay with the gin.” You grimaced, taking your glass back. You smoothed your dress over your knees, pressed close together as you tried to calm the beating of your heart. Finn was right beside you, at any moment his arm could slip down, land on your shoulder and draw you closer. A friend of a friend had a boy do that at the picture-house and she said he kissed her when she turned his way. You should certainly like to kiss Finn, if it were to come down to it, but you weren’t sure he was interested in that just yet. Perhaps he was only being casual. Surely men sat like that always?

Finn smiled and tipped the glass to his lips as he drank down the contents. It burned his throat on the way down but he’d done this show of bravado enough times in front of Michael and Isaiah that he hardly flinched. At the same time that he set his glass on the table his arm slipped down over your shoulders and you scooted just a centimeter closer, feeling the way his knee pressed against yours when he spread his legs.

“Do you live in Small Heath? I feel bad asking I just haven’t seen you around much.” Finn leaned just so, turning almost into you as he asked. If it wasn’t for the warmth of his body against yours the question might have embarrassed you. Had he really never noticed?

“I live just out of town.” Was all you would give up for now. Gypsy girls were good enough for business deals with Shelbys who had too many children but that was not Finn. The youngest Shelby, heir to the name and the title and the business. Too old for his age but too young to be taken seriously by his brothers. “Did the bread work out for you? I hope you didn’t get in too much trouble.”

“None.” he smiled, the light hearted smile of a boy with a million secrets as he leaned close to you, “besides, it would have been worth getting my ears boxed just meeting you."

The warmth in your face spread down to your chest at his words. As smooth with ladies as his brothers but you didn’t let that stop you from falling prey to his flattery. You smiled behind your glass of gin, letting it rest on your lower lip for a mere second before taking a sip. Finn’s eyes travelled to your lips and he licked his own as the alcohol passed between yours.

Polly had impeccable timing which was the sole reason she had opened the door to the betting shop at the exact same time as you and Finn approached on the other side of the street. He may not have recognized you but she did. You had been just a girl at Esme and John’s wedding, playing near the fire with the others, dirt on your special occasion dress. She was almost surprised to see you grown. You assimilated better than the rest of your kin, if she didn’t know you she never would’ve guessed that you were a gypsy. But she did know you, knew all the trouble Esme had caused, all the trouble being half-gypsy caused Tommy and she was damned if she would have her youngest chasing your skirt. So she bellowed for him, looking as intimidating as possible and hoping that she could scare you away.

Go home, she wanted to yell, keep your troubles from my family.

“Let me walk you home?” Finn asked, arm still draped around your shoulders as he led you out of the pub. He was somehow closer walking beside than he had been sitting in the booth with you though you couldn’t think of any reason to complain about the proximity.

“It’s rather far.” You replied quickly, the verbal equivalent of pulling away. You couldn’t imagine him walking you to a field of caravans down by the river bank. The combination of embarrassment and gin fuddled your mind and you nearly lost your footing on a stone but Finn’s arm dropped to your waist and his hand tightened against your hip, keeping you upright and close.

“Alright there?” He asked, concern evident in his tone though it was too dark to see his features.

You must have polished off an entire bottle of gin while he worked his way through whiskeys. It was a feat in itself that the two of you were managing to walk upright and converse at the same time. “Fine.”

“So, let me walk you to my house then?” He asked, cheeky grin nestling at your neck as you felt him lay a kiss there that gave you goosebumps the length of your body. “It’s close.”

“I don’t want to disturb your family.” You replied, voicing your fear. It was the only one you could think of. Despite the alcohol you felt that you were sane enough of mind to make un-regrettable decisions and you remembered another older girl from camp once telling you that when the time for things was right you would know. At the time the ‘things’ she spoke of felt ominous and you didn’t understand but time had passed enough that you were acutely aware of the ‘things’ and knew that Finn was a lovely choice for a ready evening. Though the panic of overthinking settled too, asking if he was asking because he wanted you and liked you or if you were pretty and just another girl. You’d heard stories of the Shelby boys and their conquests. Even John was not free from tales.

“It’s only Polly and she’ll never wake up, I swear.” Finn crossed his heart backwards and just a little crooked, laughing as he did. He leaned too far and you stumbled trying to keep him steady but he managed to right himself.

His arm unwound from your waist so that he could grasp your hand and lead you across the street to his house on Watery Lane. He kept looking back to you, smiling with such a boyish charm that it made your heart flutter. He placed the sweetest of kisses on your lips as you stood at the bottom of the stairs together and you couldn’t find it in your heart to categorize the sensation as eager. It was only loving.

You followed him up the stairs and down the hall to a plain, greenish door that he pushed open to reveal the small room he slept in. The inside was roughly the size of your family’s whole caravan but he looked like he thought it was modest. Outside of Small Heath meant the country and the country meant sprawling estates like the one that Tommy owned. And estates meant large, grandiose rooms that Finn could only dream of spending more than a night in. You liked the room though and the bedspread that looked as if someone had sewn each sqaure of fabric together by hand.

You took a cautious seat on the edge of the small bed, pressed up against the wall beside the single window in the room. Your hands smooth over the bedspread as you sit there, looking at the lap of your dress as you wait for whatever might come next. Would he kiss you? Were you supposed to kiss him? The flush of his cheeks disappeared into the red stubble on the nape of his neck and disguised the freckles on your face.

He moved across the room with less confidence than he had displayed in the Garrison. You weren’t sure if it was because he was no longer in public, acutely aware of the people watching his every move or if it was the alcohol in his system making him appear so nervous but either way there was something terribly endearing about it.

“So,” you shifted toward him, placing a hand over his on the bedspread.

“We could...” Finn trailed off, leaning toward you. The hand that wasn’t now holding yours settled on your waist as his eyes closed and his lips pressed against yours. Chapped but still moist, either from the whiskey or his nervous constant licking of them. You kissed back, unsure what to do with your hands. You continued to hold his but your other rested awkwardly on your lap as Finn attempted to deepen the kiss. His tongue ran across your bottom lip and you gasped at the sensation. When his tongue went into your mouth you yelped and bit down just enough to make him bang his forehead against yours in surprise.

You scooted away from him, face warm with embarrassment and hands covering your eyes. “I’m so sorry!” You mumbled behind your hands, peeking up at him.

Finn had his tongue out and was trying to look cross-eyed at the damage you’d done to him. When you caught sight of him you couldn’t help the girlish giggle that passed your lips. You kneeled up on the bed and leaned toward him, “let me see?”

“I’ve had worse.” He assured though his tongue hurt and he definitely couldn’t think of the worse that he’d had right now.

“Can I do anything?” You offered, “I feel terrible.”

“Nah, it’s alright. I’m going to get the whiskey from the kitchen though, should help right?”

“I have no idea.” You laughed. Then hesitantly, “should I go?”

“What? No! Of course not!” He insisted, placing his hands on your shoulders and guiding you to sit on the edge of the bed again. He kissed your forehead and then smiled, “I’ll be right back, more whiskey? We can chat some.”

You woke in the morning still in your dress, the fabric twisted around your middle and legs from turning in your sleep. Your face rested against Finn’s side and his arm was above your head. Careful not to wake him but closed in on the bed you sat up, getting to your knees and cautiously climbing over him. Finn’s snoring stopped for the briefest moment and you paused, one foot still on the bed, waiting for him to open his eyes. Instead he just turned over in his sleep. With both feet off the ground you untwisted your dress, fixing it and your slip around yourself so that it didn’t appear you’d spent the entire night sleeping in the garment.

Before you could get to the door it was flung open, startling you and causing Finn to sit up suddenly in bed, hands scrambling for the gun that was typically under his pillow. Tommy stood in the doorway, surveying the both of you skeptically. “Emergency family meeting. Lose the whore.”

“She’s not a whore Tommy!” Finn shouted after his brother as the door closed. He slumped back over the bed, head resting against his forearms. “I apologize for him.”

“It’s alright. I understand, it must look...” You trailed off, waving a hand over the room as if to say he must’ve thought I had sex with you.

“It’s not that. He’s daft sometimes, even Polly says so.” Finn replied, climbing off the bed and grabbing his vest top off the floor. He pulled his shirt out and undid his pants in order to tuck the shirt back in. Not sure what to do you stood there watching him, your eyes followed the skilled movement of his hands as he folded the shirt into his pants. Once secured he did up his trousers once more and you watched the nimble way his fingers buttoned each button on his vest. Looking up Finn caught your line of sight, smiling. “If you’ll wait I’d love to take you home?”

“Alright.” You couldn’t help agreeing, letting him kiss you one last time before he was disappearing out the bedroom door. You sat down on the quilted bedspread again and listened to his footsteps down the stairs.

It felt odd sitting in someone else’s room by yourself but you didn’t want to chance leaving before Finn returned. Both because he looked hopeful about walking you home and because you were afraid you’d accidentally walk in on them discussing business. There wasn’t too much that you knew about the Blinders but you were sure overhearing important business information could definitely get you in loads of trouble.

While they were downstairs your curiosity got the best of you and you stood, walking over to the trunk in the corner and opening it. A few slacks and shirts, like the ones he’d changed into, a gun, and another cap. You’d seen plenty of guns in your life, they were a common commodity amongst the caravans but you’d never actually held one before. This one looked a bit older than those you were used to and not quite as used as the one you’d seen on Finn’s night table. He had nothing scholarly in his room and little in the way of entertainment. You had heard from Johnny Dogs that all the Shelby’s were pretty smart, even the oldest Arthur though you didn’t know him to know why not being smart mattered. You closed the trunk and changed directions, deciding to make the bed while you waited.

Nothing but talking had come of the night before, just as Finn promised. It wasn’t that you were opposed just that you didn’t want him thinking you were easy or thinking that maybe this was something casual when you wanted desperately for it to be more than that. You’d resisted the urge to throw caution to the wind and sleep with him but he’d seemed perfectly content with polishing off the last of Polly’s whiskey and lounging in bed with you until you’d both fallen asleep.

“Don’t know why they make such a fucking deal outta me going to those bloody meetings. Not like they care worth a penny.” Finn grumbled as he opened and shut the door. You had just finished tucking in the left end corner of the bed and jumped a little at his sudden arrival.

“Sorry?” You asked.

“Oh!” Finn looked as if he’d forgotten you were there and honestly, for just a moment, he had. He was so bothered with his brothers, between Tommy’s dumb comment that morning and then him being looked over and teased throughout the meeting, he was livid and completely forgot that he had company sitting up in his room. “Sorry I-did you make the bed?”

“Well I wasn’t sure what to do and it was mussed so I thought...why not?” You teetered on uncertainty, rocking back on the heels of your stocking feet.

Finn smiled, catching your elbow and pulling you closer to lay a kiss on your forehead and then your lips. “Thank you, that’s awfully kind.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Let me walk you home.” He announced, pulling himself away and going to get his shoes from beside the door. He handed yours over as well and you took a seat on the freshly made bed as you begun to do up your boots. Finn sat on the floor, back against the wall and looking up at you every few seconds with a smile. He looked happy, genuinely so, and the smile was seemingly contagious because you couldn’t help yourself from smiling back at him.

Neither Polly nor Tommy said a word as you followed Finn down the stairs into the narrow hallway, though both stood at the kitchen entrance watching you. Finn kept his hand in yours as he led you out of the house and back onto Watery Lane. It was morning now, much brighter now than it had been when he was walking you home the night before. You squeezed his hand and held his arm with your other, too confident being on his arm to be bothered that you were wearing your dress from the previous night. Word, of course, would get around Small Heath until everyone was talking about Another Shelby brother getting mixed up with the gypsies. For right now though it was new and the news had not yet made it’s cycle as you walked with him.

“Come here,” Finn beckoned, turning his head to smile at you as he led you around a corner abruptly.

“I thought we were walking me home?” You asked, frowning just the slightest as he released your hand from his. He came up behind you and covered your eyes, “Finn what’re you doing?”

“I’ve got a surprise.” He nudged you to walk further into the alley and you complied, careful in your steps until finally he held you firm, “here we are.”

With your eyes uncovered you saw that you were standing before a car. You had seen automobiles before though you’d never had the chance to ride in one. Even when Johnny Dogs had one on loan from the brothers he never let anyone ride in it except those he was doing business with. You knew of other gypsies that had cars but your small clan had remained carless. You looked back to Finn who was smiling happily down at you, clearly proud of himself.

“I swiped the keys during the business meeting, figured I’d give you a proper drive home.” He announced, holding up the key so that you could see it.

“I’m not that far outside of Small Heath really, you didn’t need to go to all this trouble.”

“Well,” Finn shrugged and moved forward to open the passenger door to you, “I’ll warn you I’m always mixing up directions, may take us a bit longer to get home.” The cheeky grin was back and you giggled like a school girl at the implication.

“That’d be alright.” You let him help you into the car, a kiss on his cheek before he closed the door.

The wind raced through your hair as Finn sped down the country road. Every bump sent you jostling in your seat and you couldn’t help laughing. Somehow this felt like the most fun you’d had in ages. He was looking between the road and you, each time his smile growing as he met your eyes. You reached across the bench and grabbed his forearm as he hit a particularly awful bump that sent you off your seat. You let out a shriek and Finn brought the car to a halt, falling into laughter as he leaned his head against the steering wheel. Your head fell back against the set as you tried to collect your breathing.

“I think I’ve been jostled enough for one afternoon.” You laughed.

“I’m not the one who lives so far outside of town.” He teased, the ever present smile on his face as he leaned over and kissed your cheek.

“We’re well passed where I live by now.” You replied, mock indignation lighting your voice. “You’re just wasting time.”

“Naturally, it’ll break my heart to see you go.”

“You’re such a tease Finn,” you shifted in your seat so that you could see him better.

“I’m not teasing.” He announced, “And I’d like to see you again. Tomorrow? Or tonight possibly?”

“I was thinking of going to the Garrison.”

“Perfect.”

taglist: @thinkingsofamadwoman @mixedwiththemoon @titty-teetee @queenmissfit @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @absentmindeduniverse @his-paradox @medievalfangirl @danceyreagan @listensweettea @5secondsofjoal @breathlesssouls @kingsmanstories @woeisbutwoe @another-life-addict @my-life-as-a-fangirl @johhnshelby @mysticthinkinglol @44garbage @darkestbeforethedawn16 @alexacj @dracodormiensnunquamtitillandush @mainokutan @loserrlauraa

#finn shelby x reader #finn shelby imagine #finn Shelby fanfiction #Finn Shelby fanfic #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #collecting stories imagine #cs discography series

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ziamhaze · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, I hope you're well! I just want to start off by thanking you for all the wonderful fics you have blessed me with!

I just finished Red vs. Black and was hoping you wouldn't mind answering some questions I have. As someone who risks his own life to save others, how does Liam justify being with someone he knows has killed innocent people? It'd be one thing if Zayn had only killed those directly involved with what happened to his family, but he's killed innocent civilians over minor inconveniences (such as the teenagers in the convertible). Does Zayn still think he is justified in doing so? Does he ever feel guilty about it? If not, how would Liam and Zayn be compatible if their moral compasses are so different?

Also, did Zayn's father ever make his way to the UK? Or was that just a lie he told Zayn to comfort him? Does Zayn ever find his family, especially his younger sister?

I know it's a lot, but I'd really love to hear your answers if you want to give them! Again thank you for all of your wonderful works!

So sorry it’s taken me this long to reply, but I didn’t forget!

To start I’d like to thank you for clicking, and finishing, Red vs. Black. It isn’t the shortest of fics, nor is it the most delicate - to put it lightly. For the latter alone, thank you.

These are such poignant, important questions. Ones that are nearly word for word what I asked myself while planning the ending.

SPOILERS FOR ALL OF RED VS. BLACK

1) How does Liam stay with Zayn after learning of all his senseless killings?

Honestly, I questioned this the most when feeling out the concept. As a fic writer it’s expected of me to write not only a romance, but also a happy ending. Of course fics exist that do neither, but they’re very rare and not exactly well-loved. And truthfully, a massive point that I wanted to get across - and which in effect answers this question - is that despite people’s pasts, they cannot overcome them without being given the opportunity. 100%. No ands, ifs, or buts. For a prisoner to assimilate back into society and not go back to their old ways, they need to be trusted with a job. With a salary (no matter how small), they need to trust themselves to be able to not buy anything that may contribute to poor habits: drugs, alcohol, weapons, gambling, a means of transport that will give them the ability to visit bad influences (more of a psychological thing, but still). A lot of prisoners are never given this opportunity (especially in the United States), and therefore fall back into their old ways, which are more often than not coping mechanisms to deal with the fact that they can’t fit into society as easily as privileged people to begin with; it’s a terrible cycle. However, there are plenty of success stories of those that truly wish to change and are lucky enough to stumble upon an employer or mentor or sponsor of some sort that hands them an inkling of hope/trust that they use to fight their way back up. The fic is fantasy, and while Zayn’s story is rooted in real world PTSD, I think the prisoner analogy is easy for us to envision and therefore, understand why Liam acts the way he does. I also made it a point in the last scene when they’re talking things out to have Liam voice his contingency: if Zayn so much as spits at anyone, he’s done for. That’s to say, he’s not wiping his slate clean just yet.

2) Does Zayn still feel his useless killings were justified?

I’m going to answer assuming that you’re referring to the time after the fic ends.

Looking back at his actions is something that would be inevitable when he starts therapy, and this is a perfect example of one of the questions his therapist would ask. You may not like my answer, but as an author I find it imperative that I speak of my characters realistically and to keep them true, not how I want them to act. That said, yes, Zayn would still find justification in why he’s done what he’s done.

There are a few instances in the story where this is actually explained. Take the scene in the bar with fancy mixologists. Zayn begins to get aggravated over the people in the room simply because they’re ignorant to the feeling of significant pain. There’s also the scene where he’s back home in Cheshire and Harry straight out tells him, he may be furious at the unfairness of the world, but he needs to learn how to come to terms with it. It’s not going to change. This right here is what a therapist would work with him to do, and also why I had Harry be the one to bring this up in the story - he is one.

I know it sounds incredibly foreign to the average person, but trust me when I say that people struggling with anger problems founded in (un)fairness, exist. I’ve spoken with professionals about it. Add on crippling childhood PTSD and a villain like Zayn can definitely be born. It’s why treatment is needed, and why the answer is ‘yes’ in the beginning of Zayn’s journey to peace. When his answer switches over to ‘no’, that’s when it’ll be outwardly apparent that he’s beating his ailment. Unfortunately, for many, the inner battle with mental health is lifelong; the answer ‘no’ will never turn solid.

3) Does Zayn feel guilty about the above?

Again, there are a couple times when I write Zayn to literally mention how he feels zero guilt. However, if you really really pay attention you’ll notice that these instances aren’t villain related.

For example, meeting Liam’s parents:

After handing his father and Zayn each their tea, Liam looks between them suspiciously. "Leaving the two of you in a room together was a bad idea."

"Don't know what you're on about," Geoff replies innocently. "We were just talking about cars, weren't we Zayn?" Even with all eyes on him, the pressure of lying doesn't get to Zayn. It never does.

"Yeah," he agrees, bringing his drink up to his lips carefully, "cars."

Or, after Zayn walks out from the comedy club:

"It takes a lot of courage to get up there and do something like that, don't you think?"

"Not really."

Liam looks to the side, hoping that he can interpret more from Zayn's answers by seeing the expressions that go with their frankness. "So if I signed you up, you would do it?"

"Why would I want to make a room full of strangers laugh?" Zayn retorts, his right eye scrunching up in distaste, like it's a mannerism of his provoked by moronic questions. "I don't have a superiority complex." Liam thinks he might, but. "I know I'm better than those people, no mediocracy to cover up here."

So we’ve got those, but then we’ve also got this massive character point:

Right as the last of the snake's body emerges, Zayn snaps his fingers, triggering heavy hip-hop music to flow through his headphones and drown out the man's blood curdling cry.

If he could permanently damage people who deserved it, not always because they did something to Zayn, but because he liked to play god and throw them a massive curveball like life had done to him, then why shouldn't he? So long as he pulls his soundproof headphones off the little robot on the inside of his right arm to avoid listening to the pain his choice brutality caused, there's no valid reason he shouldn't take advantage of the gift he was given.

From where he's sitting, he probably won't be able to hear anything, but he fastens the equipment over his ears just in case.

All at once, the atmospheric sounds of central London, mixed with the terrified screams of those in the burning building beneath them, hit Zayn at full force. The sensory overload alone would normally be enough to piss him off, but tack on his protection from audible trauma being taken and being spoken to while in villain mode, and he's seeing red as deep as the pits of hell he knows he's destined for.

I wrote Zayn’s headphone usage as a way to alert that the reader that he does, in fact, feel villain-related guilt. He can’t act on his anger without them on. He’ll have his victims screams stuck in his head, and he’d never be able to handle that a.k.a. there’s zero satisfaction from their literal pain. Think about that and it’ll answer your follow-up question.

4) What happened to Zayn’s family?

Zayn’s father meant what he said - he’d do whatever he needed to reunite his family. That wasn’t a falsity at all. The problem is money. And politics, but let’s start with the issue of money. It took Yaser nine years to save up the amount he paid to have Zayn and Waliyha smuggled across the border. The whole concept of smuggling is that it’s a cheaper option than the legal one. So if we look at this, you can see how long it would take him to save for three adult visa fees, three adult plane tickets, and enough to stay afloat for a month or so when they get to England. Now add in the politics of the early 2000s and the Afghanistan/Pakistan region. We know that Yaser fixed air conditioners for a living. No person with that average of a background is going to have an easy time immigrating anywhere. Even so, would it really take him over 18 years? While it’s plausible, perhaps a man with such determination would find another way. Or...was that unnecessary because he was fed lies?

Think about it. After several weeks and no word from his children, don’t you think he’d cause a riot? He’s the type to drive over to Badar’s house and demand his relatives get in contact with him to find out what’s going on. But, given the flashback Zayn has, it’s obvious that Badar never planned on accompanying any of the children to the UK, and if that’s the case, he clearly couldn’t return to Quetta. I imagine a fully rehearsed story was told to all of the children’s parents about how they were killed somewhere along the way.

As for Waliyha, her whereabouts were told to my gang over on Patreon a while ago. In short, yes, she’s still alive and I plan on pitching the book’s sequel to publishers as a graphic novel series revolved around her location. Louis’ dark web bot finally found a hint as to where that might be, so Zayn and Liam go on a journey across Europe to find her. Each issue would (probably) take place in a new city and involve both fighting a single bad guy.

Just a quick reminder to anyone who reads this, Red vs. Black and all involved characters are my intellectual property and cannot be replicated, manipulated, or stolen.

Again, thank you for your question and time! I know my fics aren’t short and take a huge time commitment to finish. If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to send them my way! I’m super busy writing the next story and doing critical work, but I promise I’ll get around to it.

#thank you for the questions and for CARING #I think the collective of fanfic readers get a bad rep for not being mature readers and caring about things other than fuzzy feelings #so thank you #my writing #red vs. black #anonymous

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ashleyenst1000 · 4 years ago

Text

Intro ENST Midterm Exam

Ashley Morales

Sustainable Resource Use: Problems and Potential Solutions

Blog post: 9/1/20

This week’s readings showed that humans are overusing the earth's resources, and that our way of life is not sustainable in the long run. Currently, we deplete resources with no concern for the future, and engage in practices such as deforestation and overfishing. And that use is not distributed equally across the population. As mentioned in the textbook, the highest percentage of resources are used by the small fraction of people who live in developed countries, due to extravagant lifestyles and increased consumption (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). Additional causes of environmental problems are population, poverty, the omission of environmental costs in the prices of goods and services, and increasing isolation from nature. If we continue on this way, we are essentially digging our own graves. Protecting the environment and limiting our consumption of resources is integral to the preservation of humanity, because Earth does not need us as much as we need it.

According to the World Scientists’ Warning to Humanity we were experiencing ozone depletion, loss of biodiversity, and an overuse of water resources in 1992 (Union of Concerned Scientists, 1992). These issues are backed up by tireless scientific research, and unfortunately, many of these issues have been intensified in the years since the warning was issued. In terms of population growth, we were straining the limits of what the earth can sustain at 5 billion. We are approaching 8 billion people, which puts a massive strain on natural resources. This is important because it shows that the problems that we now face were outlined years ago, and little was resolved. However, the scientific community proposed solutions to the aforementioned issues, and the most important solution is to limit ourselves. We must put a limit on our consumption and our waste in order to allow nature to sustain us.

Social issues also contribute to the environmental crisis we face. Poverty is a source of environmental stress, because when a group or society lives in poverty, they cannot afford to make sweeping lifestyle changes to care for the environment because they are worried about immediate survival. The warning to humanity also cited the insurance of sexual equality and reproductive rights as a potential solution to environmental issues. Access to family planning resources and birth control can vastly slow population growth, as can education.

The warning mentions the necessity for society to adopt a “new ethic” (Union of Concerned Scientists, 1992). In order to address environmental issues, we need to create change on a large scale, and address and change common perceptions. According to the textbook, there are six principles that will allow us to live more sustainably: Switching our main energy resource to solar power, encouraging and maintaining biodiversity, allowing chemical cycling to occur, implementing full cost pricing, implementing policies that allow us to help the most people while still keeping the environment in mind (“win-win”), and staying responsible for future generations. Keeping these in mind, especially during the formation of policy, will improve our relationship with the environment. Especially recognizing our responsibility to future generations. We have gotten to this point by making short-sighted decisions and not thinking critically about the future ramifications of processes such as deforestation, but thinking towards the future will help change the view that instant gain is not as important as long-term success. Having a lot of wood products now is not as important as having a supply of wood that lasts forever if we allow it time to regenerate between uses.

These environmental issues are often caused by competing worldviews, especially among figures in government and influential heads of business. Not only have policy makers not planned for the future, but some also hold a human-centric worldview, and believe that the purpose of nature is to support humans, creating a hierarchy of importance at which humans are the peak. This view also claims that we are the managers of nature, and if there is an issue, our advanced technology can save the day. However, a different worldview is the earth-centered worldview. The idea behind this is that we as humans are part of the ecosystem, rather than above it, and that we are dependent on nature. This view also claims that natural capital exists for all species, and that we do not automatically have more of a right to it than any other plant or animal. Adoption of the earth-centric worldview would help us redirect our ways of thinking as a society to be more mindful of the ways in which we interact with the world around us.

We all have work to do to reduce our resource consumption, on a country-wide scale as well as on an individual scale. I recently took the ecological footprint quiz, and my results stated that if everyone lived like me, we would need 3.2 Earths to sustain us all. My personal Earth Overshoot Day was April 21st, meaning I used my equal share of yearly resources almost four months ago. My ecological footprint is 5.5 global hectares. I was a little disappointed to receive these results, because I previously thought I lived sensibly and used my resources wisely. However, it is important to consider that there are factors out of the control of some individuals, such as the type of house one’s family lives in, or the type of food they have access to. Even so, I was proud that my ecological footprint was less than my country’s average, although I was also scared that my country’s average was so high. The average ecological footprint per person in the United States is 8.1 global hectares. Meanwhile, the biocapacity per person is 3.6 global hectares. This means that the majority of people are 4.5 global hectares over their biocapacity. I myself am 1.9 global hectares over my biocapacity.

The warning mentioned that sustainable resource use is “enlightened self interest”, because it allows us to think about what is best now, and what will also help us improve in the future. Similarly the book mentioned that the Earth is not the one that needs saving. Environmental movements usually market themselves as “saving the Earth”, but in reality, we are just helping it. We need to be more sustainable and implement changes to our behavior in order to save ourselves. This point reminded me of a documentary that my fifth grade teacher showed my class, which was called Aftermath: Population Zero. It asked the question: what if all humans just disappeared right now? The film showed that the immediate aftermath would be apocalyptic, but eventually, the planet would stabilize. Trees would grow on the land where homes once stood, and environmental biodiversity would increase, because we are not there to destroy habitats. It was honestly a jarring movie to watch as a 10 year old, because in watching it, I had to acknowledge that Earth does not need us. Earth’s purpose is not to provide for humanity. The earth has been around for billions of years, and will continue on after humans as a species have died. The changes are so we can acknowledge our dependence on the environment and do the least harm to it while we’re here, hopefully prolonging our existence in doing so.

Word count: 1203

Question: How can we incentivize a large scale reduction of resource consumption?

Bibliography:

Miller, G. Tyler, and Scott E. Spoolman. 2021. Living in the Environment.

Union of Concerned Scientists. 1992. 1992 World Scientists' Warning to Humanity.

______________________________________________________________

Science: Our Knowledge of the World

Ashley Morales

9/9/20

This week’s textbook chapters broke down science as a whole, from the practice of it to the basic aspects that we understand about our world. Science is the basis for our understanding of the physical world around us. Science as a field of study assumes that measurable patterns exist in nature, and they can be understood through observation, measurement, and experimentation (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). This understanding is gained through the scientific method, which is the testing of a hypothesis and the gathering of data. All scientific experimentation must undergo review by peer scientists before it can become reliable. This is relevant because it solidifies our knowledge about natural processes of the world, and when it is deemed reliable, we can build on the knowledge from there. It is important for people to have an understanding of basic chemistry and biology so that they can understand the delicate balance in which the world works. However, even with this knowledge that we have amassed about the world, we continue to act in ways that directly contradict that knowledge in terms of environmental damage.

Flow chart depicting the scientific method. Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc.

Starting at the beginning, we have deduced that the world is made up of matter, which is anything that has mass and takes up space, and is controlled by energy, which is the ability to do work. These interactions occur within systems, or sets of components that regularly function and interact. Matter, energy, and information flow through the systems from the environment and then back into the environment. Systems can be affected by feedback loops, or changes that cause other effects on the environment. A positive feedback loop causes further change in the same direction, while a negative feedback loop cancels itself out. An example of a positive feedback loop is northern ice ice: as the white ice melts, more dark land or water is exposed underneath. The ice has a high albedo, which would normally reflect the radiation energy and keep the temperature relatively stable. However, since the ice has started to melt, the land or water underneath absorbs the radiation energy rather than reflecting it, making it even warmer and melting even more ice. This is a positive feedback loop because the system keeps intensifying the initial effect.

The natural world lives in a delicate balance and relies on a few key factors to keep life going. The three factors that sustain life on earth are sunlight, nutrient cycling, and gravity. All of life is reliant on energy from the sun because the sun supports plant growth, which is integral to food chains, as well as the production of oxygen and the absorption of carbon dioxide. Sunlight also keeps us warm by working with the particles in the air through the greenhouse effect. Life relies on nutrient cycling because there are limited materials on this planet, so elements like phosphorus and nitrogen move through ecosystems so that it does not run out. All processes are also reliant on gravity because the basic principle allows the processes of nutrient cycling and the atmosphere itself to exist.

Ecosystems on the earth rely on the above factors, and ecosystems themselves are systems of living and nonliving components. They are home to different plant and animal species depending on where they are in the world. An ecosystem relies on biodiversity, which is essentially the variety of life on earth, and can be present in a few different ways. Species diversity can mean species richness, which is the number of different species, or species evenness, which is the abundance or ratios of species. Genetic diversity is the variety of genes within a species that can affect the outcome or even induce evolution. Ecosystem diversity is the variety of the Earth’s ecosystems themselves such as deserts, grasslands, forests, and more. Finally, functional diversity is the variety of natural processes such as the flow of energy and the cycling of matter that occur within ecosystems. The diversity in an ecosystem works together to create complex webs of interspecies relationships and dependencies on each other and the surrounding environment.

Some of the species within these ecosystems are native, and some are nonnative and invasive. A native species is one that normally lives and thrives in the area, whereas a nonnative species was introduced to an area either purposefully or by accident. Most of the time nonnative species don’t do much harm, but sometimes they can overthrow an ecosystem and fill the niches, or purposes, of native species. An example of an invasive nonnative species is the cane toad in Australia. The cane toad was introduced as a natural way to keep the cane beetle in check and prevent them from destroying crops. However, the cane toad did not do its intended job, and fed on the crops as well as other species in the ecosystem, and due to their ability to quickly breed they became a menace to the ecosystem. By the 1980s, Australia had a cane toad problem (Lewis, 1988).

Some species are indicator species, which will show early on if there is an issue within the ecosystem. Birds tend to be indicator species, so when there is a large scale environmental issue there will sometimes be a mass bird die-off. Even now there are much fewer birds than there were 100 years ago. Some species are keystone species, which have large scale effects on the ecosystems, sometimes even helping their existence and survival. An example of a keystone species is the wolf, because when it disappears, the ecosystem falls into chaos.

In the Yellowstone National Park, wolves were removed from the ecosystem. During that time, deer overpopulated because their predators were gone. Unchecked, the deer began to deplete the vegetation, which contributed to erosion, fewer small consumers, and a more meandering river due to the instability of the land. However, when the wolves were reintroduced, the ecosystem re-stabilized. The wolves ate excess deer, but even without being eaten, the deer began to avoid certain areas where the wolves would hunt, allowing vegetation to return. When the plants returned, the land stabilized and the river wandered less and remained more consistent. The increased plant life allowed smaller animals to return, which then allowed their predators to return as well. The return of the wolf as a keystone species brought genetic diversity to the ecosystem, and changed the physical landscape of the area for the better as well (Sustainable Human, 2014). This case study demonstrates the interconnectedness of ecosystems, and how changing one factor can throw everything out of balance, even abiotic factors such as river formation and erosion.

We have amassed all this knowledge about our natural world through scientific discovery, and yet humans have only been on this earth for a miniscule portion of Earth’s existence. If the history of the world was condensed into a 24 hour day, humans only exist for two minutes, and all of recorded history only spans a few seconds (AsapSCIENCE, 2012). And yet we have had such a profound impact on the world in such a short time. With all of this knowledge, we continue to contradict it in our actions. We continue to stress ecosystems and destroy habitats and diminish biodiversity, even though we know that all of these factors are integral. Science can help us understand but we need other incentives to change.

Word count: 1228

Blog Question: Knowing all that we know about earth’s natural balance, ecosystems, and important processes, why do we as humans continue to interrupt ecosystems, destroy habitats and overstep our niche, affecting most aspects of earth’s function?

Bibliography:

AsapSCIENCE. “The Evolution of Live on Earth.” Youtube Video, 2:19. November 28, 2012. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2_6cqa2cP4

Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc. “Flow chart depicting the scientific method.” Photo. 2012.

Lewis, Mark, dir. Cane Toads: An Unnatural History. 1988; Australia: 2015. Youtube.

Miller, G. Tyler, and Scott E. Spoolman. 2021. Living in the Environment.

Sustainable Human. “How Wolves Change Rivers.” Youtube Video, 4:33. February 13, 2014. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ysa5OBhXz-Q

______________________________________________________________

Environmental History

Ashley Morales

9/16/20

This week’s readings examined environmental preservation from a global scale, and examined history from a geologic time scale from the big bang. Big history is a way to observe time from the big bang, and functions as an overview. It is not as human-centric as traditional history, and instead of separating humanity by civilizations, it observes society’s overall scope. Big history studies large trends over time, such as periods of extinction or periods of prosperity for life. It is an interdisciplinary approach to history, including some life science (“Big History”). However, it does still spend quite a bit of time studying humanity due to our profound effect on the earth in such little time. Part of the cause of our environmental impact is modernization, and from the industrial revolution to the present, environmental preservation has been an uphill battle. And if our modern lifestyles don’t keep the planet in mind, is it really a “progress”?

The anthropocene is a proposed epoch of geologic time that would mark the impact of humanity on the earth and would include anthropogenic climate change. Geologic epochs are a way to divide such large spans of time, such as the Paleocene epoch, whose beginning was marked by the asteroid impact that killed off seventy-five percent of Earth’s species. We are currently undergoing a large extinction event, which typically marks geologic periods of time. Scientists and historians debate over when to start this anthropocene, because some believe it should start at the beginning of human manipulation of the earth when we began farming as opposed to hunting and gathering. Others feel that it should start when we detonated the first nuclear bombs, because that shows a profound shift in our impact and a shift in the environment, with ecosystems still reeling from the event. It will take nature years to recover from the levels of radiation released from the detonations (“Anthropocene”).

I believe the anthropocene should begin around the industrial revolution, because that shows a marked shift in our use of resources, advances in technology, and societal changes in environmental views. The industrial revolution was when we started to severely alter the environment by mining for coal on a large scale, building railroads across huge stretches of land, and manufacturing products in factories. It is the beginning of the modern lifestyle of overconsumption and destruction, which has defined our epoch.

Additionally, this time period in America was also when people started to worry about our resource use and our effect on our surrounding environment. Early conservationists from the mid-1800s such as Henry David Thoreau and George Perkins Marsh. Thoreau noticed native species around him dwindling, so he moved to a cabin in the woods and wrote about his experience through an environmental lens. Marsh raised the question if natural resources truly were inexhaustible, so with studies he showed that the rise and fall of civilizations of the past had been determined by their resource use, and that many past societies fell due to reckless consumption of natural resources or inefficient resource use. However, conservation of the environment became more popular in the late 1800s and early 1900s, with the Forest Reserve Act of 1891, the foundation of the Sierra Club, and the environmental protection policies of Theodore Roosevelt.

The aforementioned policies just outline the early stages of American environmentalism. Modern environmentalism took off with Rachel Carson’s A Silent Spring. The book outlined the effect that the pesticide DDT had on the soil, air, and water, and was a milestone in the protection of the quality of our natural resources.This also influenced a number of environmental laws and policies in the 1960s-1970s. Congress banned the use of DDT in 1972, and environmentalists hoped that the government would continue to fight for environmental rights. During the Nixon presidency, America saw an unprecedented rise in the number of environmental protection laws. The Clean Air Act of 1970, The Federal Water Pollution Control Act of 1972 and the formation of the Environmental Protection Agency were all championed by President Nixon during a high point in American environmental advocacy. (Miller and Spoolman, 2007)

“Trends in total DDT concentrations in whole fish sampled by the National Contaminant Biomonitoring Program from 1969 to 1986. Data are from U.S. Geological Survey, 1992. For the 90th (or 50th) percentile concentration, 90 (or 50) percent of samples were below the concentration shown.”

In recent years, fossil fuel corporations and organizations have taken a stance against environmental protection that has been heavily supported financially, and has created a problem for the environmentalism movement by blocking and rolling back environmental protection policies. The corporate stance has been supported by many politicians. In fact, we have not had a president since Richard Nixon who prioritized environmentalism in their campaign or time in office. Our rapid growth and consumption is going mostly unchecked in the US, and seeing as the US is a major contributor to worldwide pollution and a major consumer of world resources, the consequences of this could be disastrous. Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed is a book by Jared Diamond detailing the collapses of past civilizations, as well as the factors that we face that could lead to ours. Some modem problems discussed include deforestation, overpopulation, and anthropogenic climate change, with the root of our issues being overpopulation relative to carrying capacity. It is reasonable to worry that without change, these issues will doom modern society. We tend to value progress or growth as arbitrary measures of societal success, but these are the ugly side effects to our lack of restraint in our quest for so-called progress (“Collapse: How Societies…”).

Humanity has not always lived beyond its environmental means. During the “tribal” era of environmental history, humans lived sustainably on the land with minimal environmental impact. However, European settlement changed that, clearing forests for settlement and displacing those who had lived there and cared for the land for so long. European settlement was the beginning of an incredibly damaging time for the North American environment. Settlers/colonies had little idea of the impact of their actions, and just saw land as something to own and conquer rather than an environment that we as humans exist within and rely on. (Miller and Spoolman, 2007)

In the view of geologic historical timelines, humans have not been around for long at all. Yet in courses on big history, the study of humanity still takes up around a third of the material. This is due to our profound impact and innovation. However, was it “better” during the tribal era? Modernity has solved a lot of problems in terms of humanity’s quality of life, but the complications that come with modern societies also seem to impede efforts to protect the planet we call home. Capitalist interest has seeped into every part of life, to the point where the Environmental Protection Agency is barely even protecting the environment anymore, and instead allowing drilling in nature preserves for example. It is clear that the sentiment of the seventies was wrong, and the government will not put policies in place to help environmental problems without extreme public pressure.

Word count: 1129

Blog Question: Is the increasing separation from nature in modern life affecting our view of the environment? Is “modernity” really working in our favor? Is it possible to care for the environment and live sustainably without completely uprooting society, or is the uprooting of society necessary?

Bibliography:

Miller, G. T., & Spoolman, S. (2007). Living in the environment. Cengage Learning.

Pesticides in Stream Sediment and Aquatic Biota. USGS. https://water.usgs.gov/nawqa/pnsp/pubs/fs09200/.

Wikipedia contributors, "Anthropocene," Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Anthropocene&oldid=983363396 (accessed September 16, 2020).

Wikipedia contributors, "Big History," Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Big_History&oldid=982722857 (accessed September 16, 2020).

Wikipedia contributors, "Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed," Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Collapse:_How_Societies_Choose_to_Fail_or_Succeed&oldid=981990777 (accessed September 16, 2020).

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Environmental Ethics

Ashley Morales

9/23/20

This week’s readings focused on environmental ethics, justice, and our relationships with nature. The textbook chapter discusses environmental worldviews, education, and sustainability. Environmental worldviews diverge into two major branches: human centered and earth centered. Human centered focuses on humans as either dominant creatures that can exact our will, or as dominant protectors of the environment. Either way, according to this view, our needs come first, and the environment serves us. The earth centered worldviews (or life centered worldviews as they are sometimes called) claim that all forms of life have value, even if that value is not particularly useful to humans, and that they deserve to exist just as much as we do. How we view ourselves in relation to the environment is important in determining our actions to either benefit or harm it. The overlap between environmental worldviews, environmental justice and our relationship with nature begs the question: how can we improve? Education and exposure to nature could help reduce environmental impact and injustice.

Another major tenet of our readings was the idea of environmental justice. Environmental justice is the intersection between social justice and environmentalism. It realizes that there is inequality in environmental quality and environmental benefits/burdens between communities, and that those inequalities are influenced by race and socioeconomic status. For example, toxic waste sites and landfills tend to be placed in lower income and/or minority neighborhoods and can have harmful effects on residents. Once the issue is identified, if local government even listens to community concerns at all, response time is embarrassingly poor: there are “dramatic differences between white communities and people of color communities in the time it took to mitigate hazardous sites; there were also marked disparities in compensation measures, the penal-ties against polluters and violators of pollution-law, and the stringency of cleanup solutions” (Figueroa, 2009). There is little sense of urgency for the wellbeing of these communities based on response time to hazard, as if these people are seen as disposable. Additionally, these neighborhoods have less representation in decision making processes and less total political power than richer whiter neighborhoods, and thus have to receive the consequences of decisions they had no say in. Education and awareness of these issues are integral to resolving them, as many people outside the problem, as well as even those experiencing it are not educated on what is happening to them, and how they are victims of environmental injustice. Education could potentially lead to activism and reform.

As a society, we can barely acknowledge and protect the rights of our fellow citizens now. But an interesting philosophical/ethical dilemma is our responsibility to future generations. This idea interrogates one main question: does the present generation have an obligation to forfeit some convenience now for the security of generations in the future? This brings up a few issues. First, if these theoretical people do not exist yet, how can we negotiate what is best for them and us. They also cannot reward or punish us for our actions because when they are around and feel the effects of our actions, we will be gone. But it would have been very helpful for our current environmental situation if our parents’ and grandparents’ generations had taken us into account when making decisions about energy, pollution, and resource use. Additionally, sustainable consumption would be better for our immediate wellbeing as well as establishing better-functioning systems for the future. In terms of systematic change, it is good to frame these issues in person-person terms, even if it slightly devalues nature. This is because it sells reform and change better, especially in politics.

It seems to be easy to devalue and reject nature, especially since we are moving more towards urban living and distancing ourselves from the natural environment. We could take an “out of sight, out of mind” approach. However, we do rely on nature, not only for resources, but for our own happiness due to our evolutionary relationship with nature. Biophilia is an “innately emotional affiliation of human beings to other living organisms” and has two main components. The innate aspect means that this is part of human genes and evolution, while the emotional aspect means that it can be pleasing and/or motivate action driven by an emotional response. We also physically benefit from time outside: “In addition to the emotional and physiological benefits from nature contact, there is some evidence of a linkage to cognitive functioning” (Heerwagen, 2009). It really makes very little sense that we continue to pollute and devalue nature, even though it has been proven to be a lifeline for us, not only in its usefulness for our lifestyles, but in its benefits for us internally. A lack of contact with nature is referred to as “nature-deficit disorder” and can point to a variety of issues such as anxiety or attention-deficit disorders (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). This is why urban areas are desperately in need of greenspace such as parks and trees and gardens. Not only would it benefit us physically, but it would help us feel more empathy for the environment because we’d be surrounded by it, and maybe would help some disparities in environmental quality between communities.

Being around nature and being educated both about it and by it can help solve a lot of our current environmental issues. We actively threaten our own species existence with our action, and part of it stems from the fact that not enough people are educated about the environment, or how it works. Those who make policy allowing oil drilling for example would benefit from formal environmental education in order to see the issues with that decision. Additionally, many people could benefit from the aforementioned contact with the environment. A lack of intimate connection with the environment can reduce our perceived responsibility to the environment and to others (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). The best way to approach and solve issues is with education. This can be seen within the current Black Lives Matter movement, where many non-black allies are educating themselves in order to better address and combat racism within themselves and their own communities. Being open to learning, especially in the issues of racism and the environment, where the facts seem to be clear, is the first step towards change. Issues of racism and ignorance can stem from bigotry, and it is possible to change. Environmental injustices towards people of color does not need to be part of our reality. It exists because of systemic injustices based on prejudices that can be unlearned. What is harder to change is self interest. After learning about racial discrimination in environmental hazards, will people who are unaffected by these issues be willing to take on some of the burden to soften the blow for the oppressed? After learning about the benefits of nature, or even experiencing them, will fossil fuel companies change their tactics and values for the common good of society?

Word count: 1154

Blog Question:

Why is it so hard for humans to give up convenience for the wellbeing of others? We see this now during coronavirus with mask-wearing, and with the arguments against intergenerational responsibility and even just in the presence of environmental injustice. It’s a very “why should I care about them mentality”. How can we evolve from that, especially on a large scale?

Bibliography:

Courtney Cameron, “5 Health Benefits of Spending Time in Nature,” Natural Wellness Academy, October 7, 2019,

https://www.naturalwellnessacademy.org/2019/10/07/5-health-benefits-of-spending-time-in-nature/

Figueroa, Robert Melchior. 2009. “Environmental Justice.” In Encyclopedia of Environmental Ethics and Philosophy, edited by J. Baird Callicott, 341-348.

Heerwagen, Judith. 2009. “Biophilia.” In Encyclopedia of Environmental Ethics and Philosophy, edited by J. Baird Callicott, 109-113.

Miller, G. Tyler, and Scott E. Spoolman. 2021. Living in the Environment.

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Environmental Economics and Capitalism

Ashley Morales

9/30/20

This week’s readings interrogated the value of ecosystem services, sustainable business, our place as consumers and citizens, and the role of environmental law and policy. Ecosystem services are the benefits that we reap from the environmental functions, such as nutrient cycling or pollination. We greatly undervalue them economically, not including the price of harming them in the total price of the good or service we use them for. We also undervalue our natural capital itself, such as our forests or lakes and rivers. If we actually used the full-cost pricing of goods and services, which would include the externalities of the ecosystem services and natural capital often left out, we could actually use our resources more sustainably because we as producers and consumers would understand the true cost (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). “If ecosystem services were actually paid for, in terms of their value contribution to the global economy, the global price system would be very different from what it is today. The price of commodities using ecosystem services directly or indirectly would be much greater” (Costanza, et al., 1997), and knowing that producers try to make everything as low cost to produce and consumers try to buy the lowest cost option, we would produce and buy less as a direct result.

Diagram of ecosystem services.

The textbook chapter twenty three also explained subsidies, and this shows that the government has more control over the economy than a lot of people think. The government can intervene to prevent market failure, and the only reason fossil fuels are the price that they are is because the government subsidizes coal and oil companies. These are “perverse subsidies, [which] lead to environmental damage and harmful health effects. Examples include depletion subsidies and tax breaks for extracting minerals and fossil fuels, cutting timber on public lands, and irrigating with low-cost water. These subsidies and tax breaks distort the economic playing field and create a huge economic incentive for unsustainable resource waste, depletion, and environmental degradation” (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). They could very easily subsidize renewable energy companies instead, but they choose not to. Glorification of coal and oil by the government has leached into society and has become an example of how salesmanship has permeated culture and forced us into the role of willing consumer. Coal and oil were sold as agents of progress and economic growth, and so we buy cars and complain when gasoline prices rise, even though gas is not nearly as expensive as it would be if it was not subsidized by the government.

Capitalism does not only compel us to use up resources, but it preaches productivity and consumerism as a way to add meaning to your life. Within our capitalist society, people themselves are seen as numbers and only valued by our productivity. We are even sold political candidates through capitalist methods. This is the main argument of the article “Consumer or Citizen” on The Online Gadfly. According to the article, “the distinction between the consumer and the citizen is crucial to an understanding of the causes of the degradation of our political institutions. That distinction might also point the way toward a restoration of our democracy” (Partridge, 2002). This is an important issue, because if a small group of salespeople can advertise their candidate to us well enough, that can affect our culture and our future. The article claims that we are sold candidates through a series of images and buzzwords, and that because of this we have begun to care more about a candidate's image, air, and “likeability” as opposed to actual arguments and stances on important issues. An example is the Al Gore vs Bush election, because during the debates Gore clearly showed masterful command of language, argument, and fact, but Bush won the election because his team pushed him as more “likeable”. Politics now uses the same advertisement tools as corporations, and we are just cogs in the machine. Politics is sold to us through entertainment as a distraction from real issues, similarly to the “bread and circuses” of ancient Rome, when the Roman government made sure to feed and entertain the population to keep them calm and ignorant of real issues.

We are evolving into consumers in our everyday lives because we are being treated as consumers at every turn with ads and media telling us we need things. Even our emotional responses are commodified as tools for political campaigns, that then try and sell our feelings back to us in exchange for a vote. We are used as focus groups, with our emotions recorded and manipulated. This can be applied to environmental issues because people still seem to ignore obvious facts, both in electoral debate and environmental discourse. This is because climate change deniers sell their side well, playing to people's innate emotional desire for comfort and stability, so they say that nothing is wrong and people believe it.

Reading this article honestly felt like the plot description of a Black Mirror episode, especially when the author discussed the oligarchical structure of the government, and that the ideal citizen is an efficient worker who consumes and wastes without a second thought, and is well trained but not too educated in order to avoid uprising, and instead is obedient while the oligarchs control their life. “Success” is really just a social construct based on how much you can afford to consume and waste, and without knowing, we are just pawns of these larger systems of power. This reminds me of the song “The Fine Print'' by The Stupendium, which satirizes American capitalism by setting it on a space colony.

However, there is still opportunity and room for change. We can break the cycle of thoughtless consumption and waste, and we can evolve into more than what the aforementioned “oligarchs” want us to be. New visions of law, policy, and business are popping up and developing to be more environmentally friendly. Sustainable businesses, sometimes also referred to as green businesses, abide by certain practices that reduce waste and environmental impact, and actually try to have a positive effect on the surrounding environment or community (“Sustainable business”). They also attempt to incorporate “progressive environmental and human rights policies” (“Sustainable business”). If more businesses abided by these ideals, we would consume and waste less. Additionally beneficial to our society would be a lean towards environmental law and policy that protects nature and incorporates principles of environmental justice, protecting those who are unjust victims of environmental hazards. It is evident that change needs to happen soon, and we need to restructure business to reduce waste, restructure laws to increase sustainability and address issues such as environmental racism, and restructure our economy to take into account the external environmental costs of goods and services. It is an intimidating task, but the government holds a lot of power in this matter, and if they subsidized and sold sustainability to us like they do fossil fuel companies and political candidates, we might stand a chance.

Blog Question: Is there ethical consumption under capitalism? Does capitalism even make sense as a modern economic system? Is “green capitalism” a viable option for the future?

Word Count: 1192

Bibliography:

Costanza, Robert, Ralph d’Arge, Rudolf de Groot, Stephen Farberk, Monica Grasso, Bruce Hannon, Karin Limburg, Shahid Naeem, Robert V. O’Neill, Jose Paruelo, Robert G. Raskin, Paul Suttonkk & Marjan van den Belt. “The Value of the World’s Ecosystem Services and Natural Capital.” May, 1977.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzKbjVLpnX0RRERLVGVvV2dZSWM/view

Miller, G. Tyler, and Scott E. Spoolman. 2021. Living in the Environment.

Partridge, Earnest. “Consumer or Citizen.” The Online Gadfly. April, 2002. http://gadfly.igc.org/politics/left/consumer.htm

“What are Ecosystem Services?”. CEEWeb for Biodiversity.

http://www.ceeweb.org/work-areas/priority-areas/ecosystem-services/what-are-ecosystem-services/ (accessed September 29, 2020).

Wikipedia contributors, "Sustainable business," Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Sustainable_business&oldid=970836002 (accessed September 29, 2020).

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Population Growth and Employment

Ashley Morales

10/7/20

This week’s materials have to do with population growth and its relationship to ecological damage and quality of life. To start, there are almost 8 billion people on this planet according to the world population clock, and the number is growing steadily (“Current World Population”). According to the US population clock, there is a birth about every 8 seconds and a death about every 12 seconds. That coupled with a new international migrant every 47 seconds leads to a net gain of one person every 18 seconds. Even though the US population numbers are not growing quite as fast as the world population clock, whose numbers are flying, the US population is still growing quite steadily, and a gain of one person every 18 seconds is important for the third most populated country in the world (“US and World Population Clock”).

Is Earth able to support all of these people? The world’s carrying capacity, or the number of people it can support is a hotly debated topic among scientists and scholars, with some questioning if it even exists, and arguing that the technological progress we have made so far and further innovation will nullify the idea that there is a limit to the amount of people that the earth’s resources can sustain. We bypassed this limit through the genetic engineering of food, so technically we could further bypass it as technology evolves.

Population growth in more and less developed countries

Source: United Nations Population Division, World Population Prospects: The 2010 Revision, medium variant (2011).

Is population growth a problem? Currently yes, because of the way that we are growing. Most of the population growth occurs in the world’s less developed countries, with only 4% of the new population being added to more developed countries in 2018. So the real question to consider is the quality of life of those being born. This refers to cultural carrying capacity, or “the maximum number of people who could live in reasonable freedom and comfort indefinitely, without decreasing the ability of the earth to sustain future generations” (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). The current issues are that most babies are born into extreme poverty, and, as those countries develop, their resource use will increase intensely. While the Earth may not have a distinct limit in terms of the resources that can sustain us, it does have a limit as to how many people can live here comfortably and happily in the long term.

How can it be fixed? Many of the issues that stem from overpopulation have relatively simple solutions. The issue is implementation. For example, fertility rate could be lowered through an increase in educational and employment opportunities for women. Additionally, access to family planning resources and birth control would further reduce population growth, and lessen strain on families and the environment. But for those solutions to be implemented, one would have to contend with the religious societal values of the countries that need it most. Many of the countries with the most rapidly growing populations have cultural values to prevent the education of women or the use of birth control (Miller and Spoolman, 2021). Therefore, this relatively simple solution becomes more complex, because a solution that would be accepted by the country would be one that does not conflict with societal values, even though those values are sexist.

To reduce consumption, especially in more developed countries, we could employ more people per position and have every individual employee work fewer hours. People having more free time would encourage creativity and do-it-yourself projects, and actually reduce the mindless consumption of products that we are taught is beneficial for the economy, but is actually incredibly harmful to the environment (New Dream, 2011). However, in order to implement these changes we would have to subvert the American expectation of working at 100% all the time, and the ideas that having more money or stuff is a measure of success and happiness. And as is evident by the fact that we still deal with these issues even though we know how to solve them, changing the culture of a society, even for the benefit of its own residents, is very difficult.

However, aspects of these solutions are already being implemented. The New York sustainability plan, also known as PlaNYC, was a plan proposed by mayor Bloomberg in 2007 to help reduce resource consumption and prepare for new residents sustainably (“PlaNYC”). Transition towns have also been attempted and community funded to combat the effects of climate change and economic instability through increased self-sufficiency (“Transition town”).

What are some other benefits of this reformed society? Other benefits of this reformed society would be an overall higher quality of life. Working less would not only reduce consumption, it would reduce unemployment and therefore lessen poverty rates. Additionally, it would reduce stress on the individual employees. People would be able to pick up hobbies or cook healthier food or just relax. The parable of the businessman and the fisherman really sticks with me when I consider this potential future. Basically, a businessman goes on vacation and sees a fisherman, and asks about his life. The fisherman goes out in the morning to catch fish, plays with his children, then in the afternoon he teaches children how to fish and in the evening he goes into town with his wife and friends. The businessman then gives him (unsolicited) advice as to how he can increase his productivity, wealth, and potentially grow an empire. When the fisherman asks what he would do with the wealth, the businessman replies that he would pack up and settle down somewhere, fish in the morning, play with his children… and essentially live the life he already has (Koehler, 2008). Why do we as a society over complicate life so much? Why do so many people work jobs they don’t like day in and day out just to hopefully someday retire, relax, and get to enjoy their time? If jobs just employed more people for fewer hours each, there would be less unemployment, and more people would have both greater financial stability and greater free time. People would get to enjoy life while they are living it instead of spending all their time slaving away for corporate America just to get maybe two days off at the end of the week.

What's stopping us from creating this utopia? Mainly that it does not benefit the heads of large corporations who essentially own the government. If companies hire more workers, that means they have to pay more salaries, slightly decreasing their profit. If people have more time off, consume less, and create more, then they are not the mindless consuming employees that corporations want. Corporations benefit off of the culture of working yourself to the bone until that magical age when you can retire. A more stable economy and less resource consumption are sold as stagnation because it does not represent constant growth. But is constant growth really beneficial? If the majority of the people contributing to the economy can’t enjoy their lives due to stress or unemployment, who is said “economic growth” truly benefitting?

Blog Question: Why don’t more people realize that we can in fact change society? Society can be restructured, the current system is not the only way of doing things. So why are people so complicit in the lackluster quality of their lives instead of actively looking for ways to restructure?

Word Count: 1236

Bibliography:

Berrett Koehler, “More Than Money - What Is "The Good Life" Parable,” YouTube video, 3:05, August 8, 208, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7JlI959slY

“Current World Population.” Worldometer. Accessed October 6, 2020. https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/.

Miller, G. Tyler, and Scott E. Spoolman. 2021. Living in the Environment.

New Dream, “Visualizing a Plenitude Economy,” YouTube video, 4:51, September 15, 2011, https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=HR-YrD_KB0M

United Nations Population Division, World Population Prospects: The 2010 Revision, medium variant (2011).

“U.S. and World Population Clock.” Population Clock. United States Census Bureau. Accessed October 6, 2020. https://www.census.gov/popclock/.

Wikipedia contributors, "PlaNYC," Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=PlaNYC&oldid=952681772 (accessed October 6, 2020).

Wikipedia contributors, "Transition town," Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Transition_town&oldid=980641800 (accessed October 6, 2020).

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ahagia-sophia · 5 years ago

Text

Story Time

Vlog? Episode 1: A Man of Constant Sorrow

Hey guys, I’m Jacob. I’ve always wanted to do a sort of blog type thing. But, I could never figure out what I wanted to make it about, you know? I like history, mostly. But then again so does literally every white guy on the planet. [rambling] Not to say that my love of history is basic, or that anyone’s passions and interests are basic its just- Never mind, that’s not what we’re here for.

I had considered doing a history sort of thing, but I decided against it for various reasons. Sadly, I didn’t have any other passions that might be interesting to other people. At least, that’s what I thought. Until the other day when my friend was going on about how I was a central point in a lot of the stories he was telling his new girlfriend. Specifically, I was what he described as, ‘the unluckiest man on earth.’

And you know what? People love real stories. Stories of people having terrible no-good very bad times adventures. And buddy, I’ve gone on a few adventures. So, I figured I’d tell a story or two. Mostly because I really love telling stories, but also because I crave attention love entertaining people.

I have a few eye-catching stories, like; Getting Cornered In a Carpet Shop, Getting Robbed by a Rapist(?), Civil War Reenacting, The Rape Accusation, Accidentally Becoming A Harem Anime Protagonist, Being a Terrible Person, and others. But I thought I’d start with something relatively tame.

Jacob Utterly Fails and Gets Congratulated Publicly For It.

Okay so this one takes place in a small-town high school in 2015. Which should already set off some alarm bells for people who were in small-town high schools in 2015. It was senior year and I was the Battalion S-5 for our school’s Army JROTC branch. The S-5 was basically the media officer, and the place where you threw useless seniors who had stuck with the program for four years and hadn’t done anything that could get them thrown out. Which was me. I was seniors.

I was the pale skinny white kid in high school who had charisma, but was too angsty to use it, you know? I didn’t have any real self-confidence; I would flinch if someone threw a ball toward me while playing Sport. I listened to metal and Irish folk music. I spent all my time playing video games with my friends and actively pretending that the future didn’t exist.

Here I am, in all my glory

Not much has changed.

Anyway, these qualities did not lend themselves to what was essentially a military recruitment program. What I did have going for me was an intense need to please authority figures and a slightly above average mind.

To fully demonstrate my inadequacy, allow me to take you back in time to the distant year of 2011 and lay out how I could not master walking.

This is not a joke.

One of the key components of JROTC is walking in straight lines in various directions and formations. This practice was called Drill. Drill cover such intense concepts as, ‘turn while standing still’ and, ‘turn while moving.’ These advanced maneuvers were, however, based on one simple principle. Walking. Specifically, the advanced form of walking referred to by professionals as, ‘walking without stepping on other people’s feet.’ Or, more concisely, ‘walking in step.’

I was utterly unable to do this. Just completely, totally, categorically unable to do this. Even with such helpful aids as a person walking next to me actively telling me which foot should be hitting the ground. I just could not do it. I would walk in step for a few paces and then immediately fall out of step and have to perform what is called a ‘change step’ which I interpreted at the time as kicking yourself in the back of the heel in order to skip and land back on the correct step. In hindsight I was probably supposed to just drag the heel of my foot. There’s an allegory in there somewhere.

So, I couldn’t master walking. This has been established. This has been abundantly established. And it had been established at the time too. Everyone knew that my drill scores were terrible. Everyone knew that I was very unable to walk. However, I aced the academic side of things, and managed to get my shit together enough to pass the Walking Final with a solid B+, which in retrospect was absolutely a pity grade from the students who were grading the final. My legacy of mediocrity was secured, and I advanced on to the next year.

I was given the coveted position of Assistant Squad Leader and the enviable rank of Cadet Sergeant. What this meant was that everyone acknowledged my lack of ability on the drill pad and also the fact that this wasn’t the real military and they couldn’t drum me out for gross incompetence. Very quickly, however, everyone came to realize that despite having absolutely no actual responsibilities, I was failing terribly in my task of ‘Be the guy at the front of the line while we walk.’ For all of the above-mentioned reasons.

This began my career as what soldierly-types would call ‘regimental bitch.’ I worked exclusively inside. I wrote memos for the Officers (read: upperclassmen), I did numbers for fundraisers, I made lists of names and T-shirt sizes, and generally fucked about in my new walking free paradise. For an entire school year, I was behind the scenes, only going outside for Inspection on Thursday’s.

This, of course, meant the everyone had forgotten that I no ability with the ordered walking. And what little ability I might have possessed had absolutely gone to rust as I spent the year (or two, my memory is hazy) hiding from the sun. (This was in Louisiana, so hiding from the sun was not as shameful as it could have been.) Logically, therefore, the higher up types decided that on one of the last drill days of the year good old Jacob should take the reins and march the assembled company (Class, about 30 people) in a straight line, a turn, and then another straight line.

Sub Story: How I Caused a 30-Person Pile Up, Literally

Pretty much what the title says, really. I was given command of the company. I said ‘Forward, March!’ and everyone started to walk forward. A result which I was completely unprepared for. They started walking, you know, at the pace the people walking in, like, a bit of a hurry would walk. Which was entirely too fast for me.

They walked far too fast. So fast that by the time they had reached the point where I was supposed to tell them to turn, I had completely lost the plot. And the front rank, in one of those moments of blind obedience that you can never recreate when you need blind obedience, walked directly into a brick wall. And then the rank behind them, and the rank behind them, and the rank behind them.

It was a slow-motion pile of human idiocy with me as its conductor. In that moment I could almost hear the the universe stand proudly from her director’s chair and loudly call, ‘Scene!’

I was never given command again.

Sub Story: A Principal’s Principles

Alright, its 2015 or so at this point. I’ve skulked my way up to Cadet Captain and a position of theoretical importance. It’s Veterans Day. I have to do exactly two things. Read a script and put people’s names on chairs. I’ve got this. There’s no possible way I could fuck this up, right?

Did you know that there are two different spellings for the word Principal? I sure didn’t. I was given a very sudden and unforgettable lesson when First Sergeant (one of the two JROTC instructors) burst into the office with my sins printed on paper and asked me if I had passed 3rd Grade spelling. (Which I had, but only because I cheated.) Picture a 6-foot-tall, well-muscled, angry veteran yelling at a pale white kid who flinched when stuff fell off the table. It is not a lesson that will ever leave my mind.

Thankfully, my spelling error was corrected before anyone important could see it. Crisis averted. Now I just had to deliver a speech about a table set for a soldier or something. I was literate, it didn’t have to be fantastic. There’s no way I could fuck this up, right? Well, two things. I had rehearsed this speech, but I had only rehearsed this speech alone with the script. Not with anyone who knew how the speech was supposed to sound. So, they dim the lights, the spotlight falls on the table in the center of the gym, and I read my speech. I gave a damn good speech. It was rousing, it was passionate, and I’m pretty sure I got genuine applause at the end of it.

However.

I stepped down from the podium, awash in the afterglow of a Genuine Success, when First Sergeant pulled me aside and in a very forced whisper informed me that this was supposed to be a somber speech given in mourning for those who would never come home.

Fuck.

It is a common theme in my life that if I do something really well, I have invariably done it wrong. This is a phenomenon that I first noticed in second grade when I proudly presented my beautiful handwriting (I normally have terrible handwriting) to the teacher only to be informed that I had spelled the word wrong.

Now whenever my handwriting looks particularly good, I double check all my spelling.

It was around this time that it was unilaterally decided (without my consent) that Jacob would never be put in charge of anything ever again. Which was something that was honestly a long time coming. But still hurt when I was informed.

It hurt my pride so much that I fought it. I fought it hard. I demanded, in no uncertain terms, that I should be in charge of the Very Big and Important Slideshow at the banquet that we hold at the end of the year.

Jacob Utterly Fails and Gets Congratulated Publicly For It.

This was no normal end of the year banquet. These were not your average cold beans and dry chicken. Oh no. I cannot fail during such a mundane affair. This was the year that Colonel, a much beloved man who had held the program together through sheer competence and wisdom, was retiring. This was his last banquet. This was his send off, the blow out, the thank you for all of his years of service and sage advice.

This meant that graduates of the program were coming in from across the country to send off their beloved father figure. And, on top of that, this banquet hadn’t really deviated from its standard form in the past few years. So absolutely everyone knew how this was going to go.

Food, Slideshow, Speeches, Send-off.

This is how the banquet had gone since like 2004. Perhaps earlier, I don’t really know.

I was, as a result of my own arguing and everyone else’s poor judgement, solely in charge of The Slideshow. You know, 1/4 of the entire evening was entirely at my mercy.

Two weeks before the big event I put together my slideshow. I spend hours on the stupid thing. I comb the picture archives from each of the ‘Companies’ and make sure that absolutely everyone appears in the slideshow at least once. Then I go through all the old photo albums and scan in a bunch of pictures of Young Colonel and stuff. To really just nail it, you know?

If you can see where this is going, kudos, because I somehow missed all the signs.

One week before the event I submit my flash drive to First Sergeant to make sure that everything checks out. He gives me some corrections and sends it back. I make the corrections and save it all on the flash drive.

I save it all on the flash drive and only on the flash drive.

Yeah.

The flash drive, as is the way of things, dies. Can’t access the files. Can’t open the power-point, can’t do anything. I spend a solid day trying to unfuck this situation before I admit defeat and tell everyone what’s happened. At this point we’re two or so days out from the banquet and there simply isn’t enough time to make a new one. The slideshow is cut from the evening, and literally every single senior wants to hang me by my guts. Which was fair.

We come to the night of the event, it goes pretty smoothly. I think that maybe I can just slide by and no one will ask questions about the mysteriously absent slideshow.

Boy was I wrong.

In front of all the graduating seniors a few of the returning cadets (probably in their mid/late 20s) publicly praise me for having the clout and balls to cut the slideshow out of the formula. As they had never liked it and thought it was a massive drag on the evening.

I’m pretty sure I’m still living under some of the curses that the other seniors hurled at me over that.

That’s it. That’s the story.

No one chewed me out, no one came to afterward to tell me what a useless idiot I was. No one said anything.

Which was probably the worst part. My general incompetence had become such a common feature in the JROTC program that everyone who actually knew what happened was just. Totally unsurprised.

#JROTC #High School #Blog #Vlog script #maybe

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jerrymononela · 4 years ago

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JERRY MONONELA – What is Stock Markets

Share Trading Basics

Introduction:

Owning shares is one of the greatest tools to wealth creation you can find. Shares, apart from owning fixed property,

should form the cornerstone of any investment portfolio. You do however need a firm understanding of the stock market

basics before dipping your toes (and your money) into the sea of opportunity which is the stock market.

It is like having a business but not having to show up at work.

The interest of the average Joe has grown exponentially in the last couple of years. This can be attributed to the flow

(mostly freely accessible ) of information on economic affairs and stock specific

news. What was once a toy of the wealthy has now turned into the vehicle of choice for wealth creation. Technological

advances has put the opportunity of trading the stock markets at your fingertips wherever you might be.

What are shares?

A share is simply what it’s name suggests - you share in the ownership of a company. It represents a claim on the

company’s assets and earnings. It is sometimes called stock, equity or shares but they all mean the same thing.

Holding a company’s shares means that you are one of the many owners (shareholders) of a company and have claim to

everything it owns. This claim is usually very small but you are entitled to your portion and hold your voting rights.

Shares were held in certificate form but electronically held shares have become the norm. All South African shares are

held by a CSDP (Central Securities Deposit Participant) in electronic format.

This makes it far easier to trade the shares at the click of a mouse button. Share certificates had to be taken to the broker and then to the transfer secretaries which made it and arduous task.

Being a shareholder does not give you title to the day-to-day running of the business. Your extent to which you have a say

in the company is limited to one vote per share at annual meetings where you vote for the board of directors. Being a

shareholder of South African Breweries does not entitle you to walking into their plant in Rosslyn and helping yourself to

a couple of beers or calling the Chief Executive Officer to share your ideas on how they should run the company.

Large institutional shareholders have the biggest say in the appointment of management and they have to increase the value of the company for shareholders.

Profits are shared in the form of dividends. Your claim on the assets is only relevant should the company go bankrupt.

An important feature of owning shares is your limited liability should the company not be able to pay it’s debt. No matter

what happens, the maximum value you can lose is the value of your investment in that company. Your personal assets are never under threat should the company go bankrupt.

Company Funding- Debt vs. Equity.

Companies raise capital by debt financing (loan from the bank or issuing a bond) or equity financing ( selling part by issuing shares.

Issuing stock is advantageous as the company does not have to pay back the money or make interest payments along the way. The first issue of stock by a private company is called the initial public offering (IPO).

When you buy a debt investment such as a bond , you are guaranteed a return of your capital along with interest payments. By buying an equity investment you you assume the risk of the company not being successful. If the company goes bang you only get paid after the banks and the bond holders have been paid. Shareholders earn a lot if the company is successful but stand to lose their entire investment should the company fail.

There are no guarantees when it comes to individual stocks. Some companies pay dividends , but others may not. There is no obligation to pay dividends. You make money by the appreciation of the stock price.

Although risk might sound negative , there is a bright side. Taking on risk demands higher returns. That is why shares outperform bonds or bank savings.

Types of shares.

There are two types of shares: common stock and preferred stock.

Common stock

When people talk about shares they usually refer to this type. Common shares represent ownership in a company and a claim (dividends) on a portion of the profits. Investors get one vote per share to elect board members who oversee the major decisions made by management. Common shares hold the biggest risk as the holders of this asset class will not

receive money until the creditors, bondholders and preferred shareholders are paid.

Preferred stock

Investors in preferred shares are normally guaranteed a fixed dividend but without the same voting rights of common shares. These shares are also callable and this means the company can buy back these shares at any time and for any

reason (mostly at a premium).

Different classes of stock

Companies can customize different classes of shares in any way they wish so as to give the voting power to a different group. One group may have 10 votes per share while another class will have one vote per share. Normally Class A or Class B stock etc.

How are shares traded?

Shares are traded on exchanges. Some exchanges are physical trading floors where traders seem to be running around

waving and speaking sign language in addition to loud screaming. This looks crazy but is actually quite orderly. The other type of exchange is virtual, composed of a network of computers where trades are executed electronically. This form of

trading is far more transparent than floor trading. The JSE closed it’s open outcry floor in 1997 and everything is now traded through a network of computers linking the exchange to the JSE’s virtual trading pits.

Exchanges facilitate the exchange of securities between buyers and sellers, reducing the risks of investment. There is a

primary market where shares are created (by means of an Initial Public Offering) while in the secondary market , investors trade previously-issued securities without the involvement of the issuing-companies.

The Johannesburg Stock Exchange.

About the Main Board

In 1886, the discovery of gold on the Witwatersrand led to a boom in mining and financial companies and a stock exchange was soon needed. And so began the Johannesburg Stock Exchange’s Main Board.

The JSE holds a treasured position as one of the top 20 exchanges in the world in terms of market capitalisation. The majority of this market capitalisation is based on the companies listed on the Main Board and the JSE’s top 40 stocks are also listed here.

These stocks are highly regarded by both local and international investors.

The Main Board houses the same sectors grouped according to the London Stock Exchanges XXXX. Dual listings are actively encouraged and are possible on all boards of the JSE.

A list of all Main Board companies can be found here.

Listing benefits Access to capital for growth: listing gives you the opportunity to raise capital to fund acquisitions as well as growth.

Boost your profile: listing generally heightens your company’s public profile with customers, suppliers, the media and investors. As a result more business opportunities become available to you.

Create value and liquidity for shareholders: because your company’s value is independently assessed, shareholders can realise their investment, liquidity is stimulated and your shareholder base may be broadened.

A listing allows you to facilitate broad-based black economic empowerment (BEE) deals, a prerequisite to effective corporate citizenship in South Africa.

You may offer share incentives to employees to encourage commitment and improve the quality of recruits.

Why the JSE?

The JSE is well positioned to help you leverage your listing to its maximum. In addition to the benefits above, listing on the JSE allows you to:

Enjoy local analyst coverage as well as high media interest.

Attract international investors who are easily able to trade in JSE-listed shares without any restrictions.

Trade your shares securely and efficiently on JSE TradElect™, the London Stock Exchange’s trading system.

Be eligible for inclusion in the FTSE/JSE Africa Index Series, thus creating additional exposure for your company both locally and internationally.

Marketing your business to investors with the assistance of the JSE Business Development team.

· Dual listings

· Dual listings brochure

company on the JSE gives you the opportunity to:

Tap into local knowledge, skills and interest.

Use your listing as a springboard into the rest of Africa.

Access deep pools of capital relative to other African markets.

Use your shares as local currency for transactions.

Increase and diversify your company’s pool of liquidity

Facilitate compliance with South African government charters on broad-based black economic empowerment.

Is listing for you?

The decision to list your company needs to be made once you have realistically assessed your company, its management, resources, stage of development, long-term strategy, goals and future prospects. You would also need to consider the timing of a listing in terms of market conditions and where your business is at that point in time.

There are many specific requirements that you need to meet which are in the JSE Listing Requirements. These can be accessed on their website. We have three markets on which you could list: the Main Board, the Africa Board and the

Alternative Exchange (AltX). The decision to list on either market depends on factors like the size of your company, your funding requirements and what you would like to achieve with your listing. Listing may be just what you need to take your business to the next level. A typical main board listing requires 300 different shareholders with a spread of at least 20% and a 3 year proven profit before tax of R 8 million Rand.

What makes Share prices change?

Share prices change everyday compliments of market forces of supply and demand. Participants have different perceptions of a company’s potential earnings and are therefor prepared to pay different prices for a share. If more people want to buy a share(demand) than sell it (supply), then the price moves up. Understanding supply and demand is easy. What makes trading stock difficult is understanding what makes people like a certain share and dislike another.

Every investor has his own ideas and strategies. Some are just outright punters.

The price of a share is determined by what investors perceive it to be worth. The value of a company is it’s market capitalization which is simply calculated by share price multiplied by the amount of stock in free float. Matters are complicated by the price of a share which reflects the growth that investors expect in the future.

The most important factor in valuating a company is it’s earnings. Earnings are the profit a company makes. Without profit it can’t survive. Companies are required to report their earnings and the market watches these reports to determine future value. If the earnings surprise share prices jump and conversly when they dissapoint the stock prices fall.

Sentiment is a very important driver of price as was evident in the dotcom bubble. Tech companies saw their valuations shoot through the roof despite them not making a cent yet. These valuations did not hold and their values shrunk to a

fraction of the highest prices they achieved. There are numerous variables that influence price and investors are developing more and more to determine valuations. You might have heard of like price/ earnings ratio, while others have obscure names like Chaikin oscillator or moving average convergence divergence. So why do prices change? Nobody really knows but we know for certain that they are volatile and that creates opportunity. At the most fundamental level , supply and demand in the market determines share price.

- price times numberof shares in free float is the value of the company. Comparing just the price is meaningless.

- earnings affects investor’s valuation but other indicators are also used to predict the price.

- there are many theories that explain share price movement. There is however no one theory that can explain

everything.

Buying Shares

How do you buy and sell shares. You luckily don’t have to go into a trading pit and yell your order. There are two main

ways to purchase shares.

Using a broker

There are two types of brokers : full-service who supposedly offer expert advise and charge higher fees and discount brokers who execute without any add-ons.

With the advent of the internet trading platform most brokerage houses have changed to the latter. Anyone can now afford to invest in the market.

DRIPs

Dividend reinvestment plans allow investors to purchase stock directly from the company by reinvesting their dividends.

How to read a share quote

Any financial newspaper should have the following tables giving you share price info:

This clip was taken from US newspaper so quoted in Dollar but SA shares are quoted in SA cents per share.

Columns 1 & 2: 52-Week High and Low - These are the highest and lowest prices at which a stock has traded over the previous 52 weeks (one year). This typically does not include the previous day's trading.

Column 3: Company Name & Type of Stock - This column lists the name of the company. If there are no special symbols or letters following the name, it is common shares. Different symbols imply different classes of shares. For example, "pf" means the shares are prefs.

Column 4: Ticker Symbol - This is the unique alphabetic name which identifies the stock. If you watch financial TV, you have seen the ticker tape move across the screen at the bottom, quoting the latest prices alongside this symbol. If you are looking for stock quotes online, you always search for a company by the ticker symbol. If you don't know what a particular company's ticker is you can search for it at http://www.jse.co.za/How-To-List-A-Company/Main-Board/Main-Board-Listed-companies.aspx

Column 5: Dividend Per Share - This indicates the annual dividend payment per share. If this space is blank, the company does not currently pay out dividends.

Column 6: Dividend Yield - The percentage return on the dividend. Calculated as annual dividends per share divided by price per share.

Column 7: Price/Earnings Ratio - This is calculated by dividing the current stock price by earnings per share from the last four quarters. For more detail on how to interpret this, see the P/E Ratio explanation in later chapters.

Column 8: Trading Volume - This figure shows the total number of shares traded for the day, listed in thousands. To get the actual number traded, add "000" to the end of the number listed.

Column 9 & 10: Day High and Low - This indicates the price range at which the stock has traded at throughout the day.

In other words, these are the maximum and the minimum prices that people have paid for the stock.

Column 11: Close - The close is the last trading price recorded when the market closed on the day. If the closing price is up or down more than 5% than the previous day's close, the entire listing for that stock is bold-faced. Keep in mind, you are not guaranteed to get this price if you buy the stock the next day because the price is constantly changing (even after

the exchange is closed for the day). The close is merely an indicator of past performance and except in extreme circumstances serves as a ballpark of what you should expect to pay.

Column 12: Net Change - This is the cents value change in the stock price from the previous day's closing price. When you hear about a stock being "up for the day," it means the net change was positive.

You can also get stock quotes (delayed) from websites like www.jse.co.za or www.moneyweb.co.za

A bid is the price someone is prepared to pay and the offer(ask) price the price at which someone is prepared to sell.

When these two meet they transact and a deal is created.

Bulls and bears.

A bull market is when everything in the economy is great, people are finding jobs, gross domestic product (GDP) is growing and share prices are in a rising trend. Picking shares to buy in a bull trend is relatively easy as most go higher.

These strong bulls mostly lead to overvalued stocks which is dangerous to the investor. Greed invariably feeds the bulls to just keep on paying any price. If a person is always optimistic about share prices risign they are called bullish or a bull.

A bear market is the opposite of a bull market. Times when the economy is bad and recession looming are refered to as bear markets. A person with a pessimistic point of view or belief that stock prices will come down rapidly is refered to as bearish or a bear.

Chickens are what the name implies: a person who is so risk averse that they don’t commit any money to the market and rather invest in money-market instruments.

Pigs are highrisk takers and by on hot tips etc. fueled by their greed. Proffesional traders love pigs as it is often from their losses that bulls and bears reap their rewards (profits).

There are numerous styles of trading or personalities affording everyone opportunity to make money. Bulls and bears are in constant battle with pigs adding to volatility. The trick is NOT to invest in any instrument you do not fully understand.

If you don’t do your homework you will get hurt and lose money!!

Summary

- Having shares in a company give you claim on the assets and earnings as well as voting rights.

- Share are equity , bonds are debt. Bondholders are guarenteed a return whereas shareholders take on risk of the company not being succesful therefor requiring a higher return on their capital.

- You can lose all your money in shares. You can also make lots if you pick the right share.

- There are two types : common and preference shares and companies may create different share classes.

- stock markets are the places where buyers and sellers meet to exchange shares.

- The JSE is the major stock exchange in Africa

- Share price fluctuate due to the forces of supply and demand. Most important factor influencing price is earnings

- There is no hard and fast way to determine or explain price movement

- To buy shares use a broker or DRIPs

- Stock quotes and tables are easy to read - don’t be afraid of all the detail

- Bulls make money, bears make money but greedy pigs get slaughtered.

#JerryMononela

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ducktracy · 5 years ago

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117. billboard frolics (1935)

release date: november 16th, 1935

series: merrie melodies

director: friz freleng

starring: cliff nazarro (eddie camphor, worm), billy bletcher (rub-em-off)

the first cartoon to use “merrily we roll along”, which, fittingly enough, would become the theme song for the merrie melodies starting in 1936 and all the way through 1964. it wasn’t formally adopted as the theme song until 1936’s boulevardier of the bronx, but still worth noting. if my memory serves me correctly, this is also the first merrie melody whose title isn’t reflective of the song showcased in the cartoon. as always, billboard advertisements come to life, and trouble brews when a hungry cat preys upon a helpless little chick.

it’s night, and a grassy lot in the city is illuminated by a number of stray billboards. focus on a billboard advertising old maid cleanser, some other menial posters, and finally a poster advertising eddie camphor and rub-em-off “and his wioleen”. an obvious reference to singer eddie cantor, a star who would find himself in many a looney tunes short. rub-em-off is also a spoof on his violinist david rubinoff.

eddie does his signature cartoon “eye roll”, referenced in cartoons such as shuffle off to buffalo and slap happy pappy to name a very select few. together they launch into “merrily we roll along”, which cantor sang originally. the impression of cantor is fun and lively, and bletcher’s characterization as rub-em-off is just as amusing. they don’t do much in terms of dance, but it still remains relatively lively.

song number over, dance routine begins. a cocktail shaker in a poster shakes itself like maracas, accompanying a girl advertising all expense tours to cuba. the animation feels looser than normal, but the dance remains fun and playful. your stereotypical freleng girl.

some hot tamales lend their voices, strumming a fork like a guitar, reused from how do i know it’s sunday, as is a sequence of clogging maids birthed from “old maid cleanser” cans. now a sequence with russian rye bread dancing the hopak, their advertisement reading “baked on the five year plan”—a reference to stalin’s five year plan(s). animation is fun for all of these sequences, but none too groundbreaking.

a more upbeat, amusing sequence as a line of penguins engage in a dance sequence, rolling on their mannequin feet like skates and intermittently quacking—because all penguins quack, right? a woman in an above advertisement rains powder below on the penguins to create the illusion of snow. one of the more entertaining dancing sequences in the cartoon, if not the most entertaining. the animation is smooth and flouncy.

the stars of the girl at the ironing board make a comeback and reuse their dances from the aforementioned short. two tapdancing pajamas do their thing, drumming their buttflaps on upturned wash tubs, while the main “woman” from the short (nothing more than an assortment of clothes) dances as well. smooth animation, and the addition of color is a nice touch, but nothing extremelt wow-worthy. freleng’s knack for timing is not to be taken for granted, however.

meanwhile, a hungry chick spots a worm writhing around in an apple. as all hungry, inquisitive chicks do, the little bird jabs its head inside the apple in an attempt to snag the poor worm. reused from pop goes your heart, the worm crawls out of the other end of the apple and gives the chick a spanking, the chick leaping around in pain and clutching its derrière. even more determined (especially after the worm mocks the chick), the bird tugs at the worm, the worm clutching desperately to a nearby twig for support. just as the worm is about to be made into mush, it pushes against the apple, knocking the apple into the chick and sending the chick into a daze.

enter a chase scene, the worm rolling around like a wheel while the bird nips at it from behind. truthfully i forget which exact cartoon it was sourced from, ain’t nature grand!? but the animation of the worm has DEFINITELY been reused in many a harman-ising cartoon. after 100+ cartoons, it gets harder to keep track, especially when those early cartoons are so barebones.

the bird chases the worm right into a junk pile, dragging out a long strand... which turns out to be an air pump. knocking into a branch sends a propped up cellar door crashing straight on top of the pump. an amusing visual as the chick, connector still in its mouth, inflates like a balloon, even floating into the air and flopping to the ground.

enter the same cat from it’s got me now!, creeping along a fence. it passes by the moon, illuminating the cat’s innards like an x-ray, recycled from sittin’ on a backyard fence. the food chain reminds us of its existence as the cat sees the chick, licking its lips. the cat pounces, providing a menacing meowl (animation of the closeup reused from my green fedora).

i LOVE this chick’s face. full of personality, probably the most this cartoon has had so far. the chick provides a smug, guilty grin as it sways to and fro nervously. a cheeky grin as the bird bids goodbye with a wave, trotting away nonchalantly... and instantly picking up into a hurried run.

an advertisement of a bellhop, labeled “‘CALLING FOR PHILMORE’ CIGARETTES”, notices the chick’s peril and shouts “calling all cars! calling all cars!” two police officers in a “police chief gasoline” ad (a reference to texaco’s fire chief gasoline that was used until the 1970s) chase after the cat... figuratively. a fun visual as their car speeds along, a jaunty rendition of “merrily we roll along” underscoring the scene, yet their car only speeds along inside their billboard. in reality, they’re merely suspended. one of the officers whips out a machine gun and shoots at the cat (lovely, huh?), the bullets actually breaking the barrier between realities.

an advertisement for “the electric hand” pokes the victor phonograph dog, alerting the dog to the trouble. the dog (fun fact: he actually has a name—nipper) chases after the cat, running straight into a tube. the conniving cat turns the valves on the tube so as to trap the dog, the dog reduced to a mere barking bump thrashing around inside the metal pipe.

back to the chick, who runs for its life after realizing the cat is free of distraction (i wonder where we’ll see more cat and bird cartoons. curious indeed). just as the cat has the poor bird cornered, the arm from the arm and hammer logo—this time parodied as “ham & armour” conks the cat right on the head with its signature hammer. the little bird perched itself on top of the dazed cat’s head, slapping its sides and crowing like a rooster (parallel to country boy). iris out.

it’s unfair of me to deduct points for recycled animation, but i have a different perspective than a moviegoer in 1935, or even you reading this (unless you’re as much as a nut as i am and have actually taken my recommendations and watched these, to which i say 1) thank you and 2) hang in there). watching all of these cartoons in rapid succession, you pick up on recycled animation much quicker, and so you can’t help but notice it. the average moviegoer isn’t going to say “hey! that was used in the girl at the ironing board, directed by friz freleng, released august 23rd, 1934 as a part of the merrie melodies series!” so, because of that, i won’t try to let that influence my opinion so much. but the retakes were rife in this one, and an indicator that they were either out of time, money, ideas, or all three.

the cartoon felt incoherent and not exactly sloppy, but extremely loose, the closeups of the cat meowing especially. all of the gags have lost their novelty (again speaking as someone who is watching these one after the other), and it’s hard not to say “i’ve seen this before, it’s getting old, it’s not funny.” it’s also difficult to come down from the high that was gold diggers of ‘49. not at all tex’s best, far from it, but from what we’ve seen so FAR it’s like a huge sigh of relief. and thus, going back to cartoons like these make for a harder transition.

this cartoon wasn’t THAT bad, though. the music was fun (how can you hate hearing the merrie melodies theme song, knowing it would be THE merrie melodies theme song?) and the eddie cantor caricature was highly amusing. freleng’s musical timing saved a lot of visuals from being too dry and trite. but it just doesn’t have much going for it, it lacks coherence and confidence. it just feels like friz’s heart wasn’t fully in it. so, i’d say skip it. yet, as always...

link!

#lt #billboard frolics #reviews #long post

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the-real-xmonster · 6 years ago

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What’s Next for Yuzu?

Hello girls/guys, apologize for suddenly going MIA this past weekend - I was out of town and didn’t bring my laptop with me. I’ve got tons of questions sitting in my inbox about the men’s event (as well as leftovers about the ladies’), which I’ll try to get to in the next couple of days. First, though, in this post I’d like to put together some general thoughts regarding our beloved Yuzu.

What Happened

The margin of 22.45 points between Nathan and Yuzu sounds awful on paper, but it could be accounted for in a fairly straightforward manner using the 2 jumping mistakes that Yuzu had: the popped 4S in the SP and the UR 4S in the LP. If Yuzu had landed those 2 Salchows properly, all else being equal, he could have won. That’s not my crazy Hanyu fan persona talking, it’s math.

His (relatively) clean Otonal SP was awarded 110.53 at Rostelecom Cup so that mistake in the SP in Saitama cost him upward of 15 points - 14 of which was because of the missing element itself, and the rest because of the reduction in PCS it induced (and I’d be the first to admit that it should’ve cost him even more had the judges strictly followed the ISU recommendation on PCS for programs containing a serious error).

His clean 4S in the LP at GP Helsinki was awarded 13.44 points, so the UR in Saitama cost him about 7.5 points.

(at least) 15.00 + 7.5 = 22.5, which is enough to cover the margin and allow Yuzu to win, and that’s before we account for the fact that a cleaner LP would’ve easily netted him more than 95.84 in PCS.

I’m not throwing these numbers out here to kick off a game of what-ifs. I’m doing this only to show you that the hot take of “Yuzu couldn’t have won even if he had skated cleanly” is bullshit. You don’t have to swallow it from anyone, not even Yuzu himself.

Do I think that the margin of victory should’ve been narrower than 22.45? Yes, I unequivocally do, not because I think Yuzu was underscored (I do not think so) but because I can poke a bunch of holes in the scores Nathan got. +4/+5 for his quads/3As were excessive, mainly because he didn’t have much in the way of creative entries, his landings were still a pain point because of the lack of flow, and while the size of his jumps on average was acceptable, it wasn’t outstanding. His LP ChSq was still blink-and-you-miss-it. His edgework and control have improved this past year, but were still not enough to justify +4/+5 on his StSq and +9 for his SS. His transition or lack thereof (and that’s not only my opinion but reportedly his coach’s too) should’ve resulted in a TR score well below 9. The list goes on.

What We Can Do

Trigger Warning: the stuff you’re about to read is not rosy.

A few people have been asking me what we, as fans, could do to let the ISU know what we think of their arbitrary judging practice. My answer is: we can make as much noise as we have time for on social media and we can reach out to them directly. For the latter purpose, yes, they have a Contact Us page on their official website. Select Figure Skating from the dropdown list and unleash on them your choice message. Only remember, if you will, to keep your arguments logical and your tone civilized. Much more likely than not, they'd go silent for weeks before replying to you with a polite little piece of mail saying your concern has been duly noted and will be looked into. (Why do I know that? Because I sent them just such a message after the disaster that was the score Mao received for her free skate at Sochi 5 years ago.)

I would advise you to keep trying and at the same time I would advise you not to have your hope up that it will do much good. Sporting governing bodies for the most part are not known for either their responsiveness or their tendency to eventually honoring fans’ wishes. Accountability and transparency are concepts as foreign to them as a double Axel is to Yuzuru Hanyu. It took, for example, an FBI investigation and brazen corruption in the realm of hundreds of millions of dollars for some changes to be done to FIFA. Considering the scale of the ISU and its weight on the public’s mind relative to FIFA, I can’t imagine any such drastic thing is going to happen to it anytime soon. In fact, the last time a major change was introduced to figure skating was 15 years ago with the establishment of the Code of Points, and back then it took an Olympic-scale scandal involving blatant misconduct to bring about the changes. What happened in Saitama last week was nowhere near as grave (at least I haven’t seen any evidence of anything more nefarious than your garden variety judging biases / irrationality) so to hope that we could leverage it to change the ISU’s way forward is close to magical thinking.

So let me tell you what will, in all likelihood, happen next season. Provided that he continues landing his quads regularly enough, Nathan’s PCS is not going to go down from 94-95, on the contrary it will go on to increase since he’s now a 2-time World champion and generally speaking the number or World titles one has tend to correlate positively with one’s PCS. He has no reason to regress on the base value of his layout either, so a back-to-back clean Nathan is going to score in the 320+ range. You don’t have to like it and it’s completely within your rights to be mad about it / keep writing to the ISU about it, but unless and until any material change is forthcoming, you’ve got to accept that as the baseline of your expectation.

Which brings me to the next and last section of this wall of text:

What Yuzu Can Do

If there’s anything I’m sure of about Yuzu’s personality, it’s that he is not prone to mere wishfulness, he’s a man of action and he loves to win. I’m also 100% certain that he is capable of logically coming to terms with the reality of the competitive landscape as I’ve described above and of figuring out an action plan for next season.

So if I were Yuzu, I’d reckon that I cannot rely on my PCS alone to carry me to titles so in order to stay ahead of the field I’d need to up my TES. Now, if the last week in Saitama has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t rely on getting decisively higher GOEs either. So what do I do? The natural conclusion is that I need to increase my BV, which means adding more quads, which, under the revised Zayak rule, means adding more variety of quads (with the way the new SOV scales according to an element’s BV, doing this would help maximizing my GOE potential too). Hence, you heard Yuzu’s take that next season he needs to aim for 4A, 4Lz, and possibly 4F. Some people have asked if I thought Yuzu was just being reckless when he stated that - I don’t think so, I believe he’s smart enough to have thought about it and arrived at the logical conclusion.

As a side note, I also believe Yuzu is smart and self-aware enough to, once the disappointment has cooled off, understand that it’s not because he’s lacking something or he didn’t work hard enough or his skating somehow had gotten worse, it’s just, matter-of-factly, how the system currently works and thus there are extra steps involved in regaining his World title.

I guess what I’m trying to say with this extremely very long note is, yes, it was disappointing, yes, the magnitude of the loss, on paper at least, was hard to swallow, and yes, things could have turned out differently had Yuzu been injury-free and able to compete in his top form, but don’t let all that frustration make you forget to appreciate the miracle he conjured (normal people don’t just take half a season off because of a serious injury and then come back to win a Silver medal at Worlds) or to celebrate the fact that he’s staying and he’s still hungry for success. If Yuzu himself can continue loving this sport enough and being hopeful enough to stay, you should be able to do the same without giving way to bitterness - that, I think, is the least of what we can do for him. After all, if, as Yuzu said, he is coming home, we’d need to be there to warmly welcome him back, right?

#yuzuru hanyu #figure skating #massive wall of text

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jinniesmeow · 5 years ago

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good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t.

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works.

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at.

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit.

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean.

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes.

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though.

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag.

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah.

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass.

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come.

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am.

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here.

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want.

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try.

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible.

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us.

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me.

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you.

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you’re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you.

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person.

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual.

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you.

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you.

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you.

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity.

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me.

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!!

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots.

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays.

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever.

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you.

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass.

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention.

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia.

#on this note #good night everyone #I love y'all #rants #personal #<33 #sorry for bothering you all with this

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