#like am i someone or am i no one perceived to be someone

[shibaincubus]

How to stop being a doormat.-

-> . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [By a healed people pleaser] ࿐ྂ

Being nice to others is not a bad trait, but becoming THE NICE GIRL is.

Excessive people pleasing brings you nowhere and makes you vulnerable to becoming a doormat, disrespect, and sacrificing yourself.

People pleasing isn’t just about being nice to everyone all the time; it actually messes with your head and how you think about yourself deep down. 

We can look at people pleasing from an conscious and subconscious side.

Conscious People pleasing

This is what we typically associate with people pleasing:

You can't say no: Every request feels like an obligation.

You prioritize others over yourself: Your needs take a backseat.

You apologize for everything: Even when it’s unnecessary.

You avoid conflicts: Peace at any cost, right?

You make yourself small: Shrinking your presence to fit in.

Subconscious people pleasing

This is the impact people pleasing has on your mindset and behaviours

While breaking people pleasing one should focus here more

Servant mindset -> catering to others drains your energy.

Emulating others ->  You lose sight of who you truly are.

Seeking validation: "I need to be ... to get validation 'love' from others

Ignoring your feelings: Suppressing your emotions to keep the peace.

Feeling judged: Worrying about what others think of you.

Anxiousness about acceptance: "Do they really like me?"

The Why of People pleasing

The first step in breaking free is understanding why you engage in people pleasing.

Here are some common reasons:

You might be people pleasing because of...

Anxiety: fear of disappointing others or rejection

Low self esteem: "pleasing others is the only way to get acceptance and love"

Past trauma: can link others' needs to safety and affection

Cultural or family expectations: Pressure from those around you.

Perfectionism:  The need to be flawless in the eyes of others.

Insecurity: Doubting your own worthiness.

Avoidance of Conflict: Preferring peace over confrontation.

To get the exact cause you should also utilise journaling.

Use 15 min. for three or more of these journaling prompts each

Does People pleasing really help me? How do I feel when I please people? Happy or drained?

Do I get something back by pleasing people. Is it one sided?

What is my earliest memory of people pleasing? Why did I decide to please people at that time?

How do I perceive the people that I please in reality? Do I even like them.

What is the thing I really want in this situation that I might feel too scared, vulnerable, or ashamed to ask for?

What is one thing that I'm scared people will think of me, and how is this actually true and useful for me?

What do I want to change about my people pleasing habit

This reflection makes it clear why we do it and what caused people pleasing to be ingrained in us in the first place.

Recovering from People pleasing

Start small.-

Begin by setting boundaries in low stakes situations

declining invitations to events etc.

declining requests that you don't have time or desire to do

Gradually work yourself up to more significant situations practicing assertiveness along the way.

Learn to tolerate discomfort

Recognise that asserting yourself and setting boundaries may initially feel uncomfortable or cause anxiety

Embrace the discomfort as a sign of growth and remind yourself that it's necessary to prioritize your own well being.

Strengthen your sense of self

When we are people pleasing we are placing our self worth on another person

With journaling, self care, setting personal goals and new hobbies, you can construct and identity independent of others opinions.

The Intention Interrogation

Ask yourself a specific question before agreeing to a request:

"Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I'm afraid of potential consequences?" 

This can delay automatic people pleasing reflexes

Cut toxic people off

If someone is using you for their gain, it’s time to create distance.

Limit your availability and emotional investment

Create space between yourself and toxic relationships

And Trust your instincts

The 24-Hour Rule

Make it a commitment to not immediately respond to requests.

Give yourself a full day and then decide if you actually want to do this.

Get therapy

If people pleasing has a deep impact socially or otherwise on you consider therapy

It's really helpful against people pleasing if nothing else helps

That's it lovelies

People pleasing is a destructive social mechanism of ours that we developed in young years.

Unfolding these behaviours and taking a stance against pleasing others frees ourself for positive change and levelling ourselves up

[endgamelukola]

Y'all, whether you put stock in astrology or not, Luke is an Aquarius, and it's a sign that is naturally inclined towards focusing on others. Aquarians are also known to have a streak of rebellion within them that doesn't look like rebellion to the rest of us at times. This could be as simple as an Aquarius taking an off day from work when they think they really should be there for XYZ reasons. Either way, they're regarded to be one of the most revolutionary signs for their tenacity and lack of concern for how they're perceived by others.

This is not me saying that Luke is a textbook Aquarius, because no one is ever a textbook anything; to claim that would be to negate someone's humanity.

What I AM saying is that a lot of people in this fandom are mistaking silence for compliance, detachment, or discouragement.

When in reality, he's probably quiet for a million other reasons. The first reason for his lack of engagement is most likely that he doesn't care to share anything with people outside his immediate circle because he doesn't feel like he owes it to anyone.

So good on him.

This was for all those people who think this man can't stand up for himself.

The fact that he's had people on his neck all summer making him seem incompetent and a push-over need to eat their words.

Weird bitches.

[myusuchaa]

with you in a distorted fairy tale ༻¨*:·.

'dark if ' chapter 1 - elbert greetia

This is a fan translation and may not be 100% accurate. I do not own anything. Cybird reserves the right of ownership for all in-game content.

author's note: Throughout this story, Kate refers to Elbert with feminine pronouns 彼女, and Elbert's title is the Queen 女王. Therefore, in sentences where Elbert is the main subject, sometimes you will see Elbert's pronouns listed as she/her. (i.e, "Elbert removed her hands"). This may be a bit confusing to read through, but I wanted to keep the translation as accurate and close to the original material as possible.

Victor: Miss Kate, your hands have the power to create the ultimate happy ending.

Victor: Now, come, and enjoy your time in this distorted fairy tale world.

Somebody's fingertips lightly grazed the back of my neck.

Kate: ..mnnn

I squirm from ticklish stimulation as someone whispers into my ear.

???: --Ah...It's definitely- ....-not

(What... what is this..)

Before I could make sense of those whispered words, I groggily began to wake up.

When I awakened fully, I found myself in a soft bed.

(Where am I..?)

Blonde, blue eyed beauty: Ah, you're awake.

A "woman" [1] with moonlight hair and sea-blue eyes peered into my face.

[1] When Kate awakens, she perceives Elbert as a woman. The pronoun is placed in quotations to indicate that he is not really a woman, just seems like one thanks to Al's ability.

(Wah... I've never seen such a beautiful person before..)

Kate: Could.. could this be heaven?

Man with raven colored hair: Unfortunately no, this is your reality.

The man standing next to the beautiful woman replied with a chuckle.

The dark-haired man is just as bewitching.. charming, even, to look at, making the two before me a truly eye-catching duo.

Man with raven colored hair: You've just woken up, is there anything you feel is wrong with your body?

Man with raven colored hair: You were found collapsed in the forest by a hunter who brought you here.

Kate: Oh, I see.... my body feels fine! Thank you very much for saving me.

I got up from the bed and bowed to both of them.

Kate: In any case.... exactly where am I?

Blonde, blue eyed beauty: ....this is my castle.

Queen Elbert: I run this this country..... as the "Queen of Greed" - Elbert.

Mirror Alfons: I am Alfons the Mirror, the Queen's servant. I hope we will continue to get to know each other [2].

[2] In Japanese, Alfons uses ｢以後お見知りおきを｣ which is similar to saying "I hope you will remember me in the future." Here, it is meant to be a surface level greeting for someone you know you'll see again, though more commonly you'd say 「よろしくお願いします」 or "It's nice to meet you". But I think the meaning behind the first phrase really plays into Al's curse and fated end.

(The Hunter, the Greedy Queen, and the Mirror...)

(Then this must be... the fairy tale world of "Snow White"?)

If this is the case, then the other remaining important characters are the Prince and Snow White.

(I wonder of one of these people are what's missing in this story.)

Queen Elbert: As you've just woken up...... are you hungry, Snow White?

Queen Elbert: I was thinking of preparing a meal for you.

Kate: Sn-... Snow White? That's.... me?

Mirror Alfons: The Hunter gave you that name.

Mirror Alfons: A beautiful girl laying in pure, white snow-- Snow White.

Mirror Alfons: And so, you were taken in by the Queen, who is looking for the most beautiful thing in the world.

Mirror Alfons: Thus, I had you brought to the castle-- such is your story.

(I'm Snow White in this world...)

(...then, wouldn't it be dangerous for me to be near Queen Elbert?)

In the traditional story, the Queen is jealous of Snow White's beauty, and attempts to poison her.

There hasn't been any hostility toward me here yet, but..... it's definitely better safe than sorry.

Kate: Aaaaah, well! Thank you for your help, then.

Kate: However, I don't think I need a meal right now. Well, if you'll excuse me.......

Realizing the situation I was in, I quickly tried to get out of the bed.

--However, at that moment, Elbert grabbed my hand.

Queen Elbert: Where are you going?

Kate: ...Ah uhmm.. I'm going back home to my family.

Mirror Alfons: Oh? Dear, do not lie to us.

Mirror Alfons: While you were asleep, we confirmed that you are not a resident of this country.

Mirror Alfons: Coming here alone, a foreigner from abroad.... what home do you have to go back to?

(What should I do... I can't escape this...)

(No one would believe that I actually came from another world...)

Queen Elbert: ......Snow White.

Kate: Y- yes!

Queen Elbert: .....I personally do not care who you are, or where you came from.

Kate: Eh...?

Queen Elbert: As Queen, I should punish you for coming here on unlawful terms, but...

Queen Elbert: More importantly, I want to obtain the most beautiful thing in the world.

Queen Elbert: And you might be what I've been looking for..... so please, stay in this castle for a while.

Kate: Ah, that....

Queen Elbert: Of course, we will provide food, clothing, and shelter for you.

Queen Elbert: And if you require money, I'll give it to you, whatever sum you ask for.

Queen Elbert: For my own sake...... please, stay in this castle.

As Elbert wished this, her eyes looked extremely lonely, almost desperate.

There was no way I could brush her off and refuse her offer.

Kate: If you say it that way.... then okay, I understand. I'm not sure what I'll be able to do but...

Kate: Oh, and I don't intend to ask for money. I'd be grateful just to have food, clothing, and shelter.

(If you think about it.... it's easier to find the missing part of the story if I'm near the main character.)

Queen Elbert: Thank you, Snow White.

As Elbert expressed her gratitude with a gracious expression, she did not look like the type of cruel person who would poison Snow White.

--time skip--

We were shown to a dining room where a wide variety of dishes were lined up on the table.

Queen Elbert: I didn't know what you liked, so I let the chef make whatever he could think of.

Queen Elbert: ........Please, eat as much as you want of whatever you'd like.

Kate: Oh... thank you very much.

The freshly cooked food was steaming, and the delicious aroma wafting through the air stimulated my appetite.

(....But, if I were Snow White, I'd have to be careful about what I eat.)

(Apples, in particular, should be avoided.)

Although I still don't sense any hostility from Elbert, due to the background story of this world, I couldn't help but be wary.

Kate: Um... are there any dishes that contain apples..?

Queen Elbert: ...........Why do you ask?

The moment I asked, the air around Elbert became tense, and her blue eyes became cold.

Kate: Well... I can't eat apples because of my allergy to them. They make my mouth itchy....

Without even understanding the reason for her icy stare, I lied about the reason.

Queen Elbert: ...I see.

Queen Elbert: If that's the case, there's no need to worry. In this castle, we do not eat apples.

Kate: Is that so...

I was curious and wanted to ask why apples weren't used here, but I was too hesitant, and refrained from asking in the end.

Meanwhile, Queen Elbert picked up a piece of bread and tore it in two.

Queen Elbert: ...Which would you prefer, left or right?

Kate: Uhhhh.. right.

Elbert then took a bite out of the left bread, and handed the right to me.

Queen Elbert: ...Mm, it's delicious. Please go ahead and eat, too.

(Maybe he knew I was on guard this entire time and he's trying to tell me the food is safe this way.,?)

Kate: Thank you very much...

The bread slice I got from Elbert had a gentle sweetness and was delicious all around.

Queen Elbert: I also recommend trying this salad, which uses vegetables from a nearby village.

After seeing that I finished the bread, Elbert took her portion of the salad and started eating it.

Seeing that, I went ahead and ate my salad.

Elbert eats some, and then I eat some more.... this strange back and forth of meal tasting continued for some time...

Kate: Thank you for the meal! Everything was delicious!!

Queen Elbert: .............

Kate: Elbert?..

Queen Elbert: My stomach........hurts......

Kate: Wha!?

Mirror Alfons: I came to check on y- Elbert?

After coming to the dining hall, Alfons quickly donned a shocked expression and went to support Elbert by the shoulders.

Kate: Umm.... is Elbert okay?

Mirror Alfons: She simply ate too much... She is usually a small eater, so she pushed himself too hard.

(Could it be... she was forcing herself to eat a lot to put me at ease and help me eat as well...)

Seeing Elbert's kindness, I began to feel ashamed of myself for being scared of eating poisoned food under his watch.

Kate: Ah well.... I'll help out too!

I stood on the opposite side of Alfons to help support Elbert.

(..Oh?.. The Queen has a surprisingly sturdy build...)

(Wait! No, no!! Now's not the time to be thinking these things.... let me just help out with a pure mind..)

With the help of Alfons, we put Elbert to bed in her room.

Mirror Alfons: It's not an illness, so if she rests, she'll feel better soon.

Kate: Elbert... I'm sorry for making you eat too much..

Queen Elbert: I chose this myself.. so no need to apologize with such a sad look on your face.

Elbert's hand gently brushed across my face.

Queen Elbert: You're more adorable when you smile than when you're sad.

Queen Elbert: So please... do not worry about my health.

Kate: Mm! Then, thank you for the delicious meal!

Elbert took her hand off my cheek and gave me a soft smile.

She was supposed to be the Queen who poisoned Snow White, and yet her smile made my heart race.

Queen Elbert: By the way, I still have not gotten your name. Snow White.... what is your real name?

Kate: It's Kate.

Queen Elbert: I see... Then, Kate, it is lovely to meet you.

--time skip--

That night in my bed chamber, I decided to plan my course of action.

(The Queen has been friendly to me so far, so I'll have to get serious about finding the missing piece of the story starting tomorrow.)

(The only things that are from the story that I have not tracked down yet are the poisoned apple and the Prince.)

(However, searching for the poisoned apple is quite risky.... it may be better to search for the Prince first.)

On the second day in this world, I decided to cooperate with Queen Elbert.

Queen Elbert: A Prince.....?

Kate: Yes! I want to find the one and only Prince who will love me.

Kate: Please, Your Highness...will you help me?

Queen Elbert: ...........

Queen Elbert seemed to think very carefully about my request.

Queen Elbert: Why exactly do you want to find the Prince?

Queen Elbert: You said yesterday that you did not need money, and you simply brushed Al off when he tried to flirt with you.

Queen Elbert: If you are not swayed by money or the opposite sex, why would you want to seek out the Prince?..... I don't quite understand.

Kate: That's... erm.... finding him is necessary to make my wish come true.

(I am searching for what is missing in this world to correct the distortions, and then return to my reality.... That is what I should do...)

(The Queen seemed to be troubled by my statement........ I can try one last time to do something...)

Ah, that's it!

Kate: People become more beautiful when they are in love....

Kate: If a Prince whom I love and loves me appeared before me.... perhaps we can find the most beautiful thing you are searching for.

Queen Elbert: ...Really?

As soon as Elbert heard it was a beautiful thing, her eyes widened and she came over to me.

Her large hands gripped my shoulders so hard it hurt.

Kate: Y-yes.... that is... most likely so...

(They say falling in love makes people more beautiful-- that isn't wrong per se...y'know?)

Queen Elbert: If there's potential, then so be it. Thank you for trying to make my wish come true, Kate.

Queen Elbert: Let us gather all the people in this nation to search for a Prince... the one and only Prince who will make you beautiful.

Thus began the search for the Prince, led by Queen Elbert.

Chapter 2 -> coming soon

page dividers from @/adornedwithlight

[ellstersmash]

Prompt time! Solas and Athi discuss at length if the other would love them as a worm. Please and thank you 🙏

“Are you comfortable in that form?”

Athi’s voice cuts into the quiet of the Fade and Solas’ own silent musings, the path they’re currently on less twisting, and therefore less mentally demanding, than most.

“This form?” he responds. “Or do you refer to another?”

“You know, most people don’t have to specify that.”

“I believe we can agree that I am not most people.”

Athi’s features scrunch together in amusement as she most certainly prepares to tease him—her favorite pastime, not that the Fade provides much of a variety from which to choose. “So true,” she says, the sing-song notes of it echoing in the shifting emptiness around them. “You’re very special.”

“Your approval of my circumstances is paramount,” he states dryly. “Which form are you currently curious about?”

“Your new—or, well, old—spirit form. It’s very… tendrily.”

Solas chuckles. “I can say with great confidence that I have never before been accused of being ‘tendrily.’”

“Love that we’re still finding firsts. Don’t you?” Athi nudges him with an elbow. The self-satisfied smile on her face makes its own light, her playfulness a beacon in the dull dark of this domain.

“You are right,” he says, “and I should hardly be surprised that you are still able to surprise me.”

“Or maybe you should be surprised by my surprising you, otherwise it’s not much of a surprise, is it? But back to my question: do you like to hang around as your tendrily spirit-self?”

“It is not so dissimilar to this one.”

“It floats.”

“Well, yes.”

“And you don’t have hands.”

Solas chuckles. “But many tendrils, as I’ve been recently informed. Besides, one does not need appendages to affect the Fade; only a capable mind and sufficient will.”

“Well, you need appendages to affect me,” Athi mumbles.

Solas grins over at her then, waiting until he catches her eye to lean closer, lower his voice, and ask, “Do I?”

She’s not the only one with the power to tease. It has the intended effect, of course: her eyes widen and unfocus for a few long moments, the air thickening with desire before she shakes it off.

“So is that a yes, then?” she asks.

“Yes, I am comfortable in that form, as I am comfortable in this one.”

“But not the wolf.”

This is not something he’s considered, and he takes his time answering. “The Dread Wolf was born of a specific need to threaten the evanuris and as a show of power and protection for those who would escape or oppose them. And, as you know, it takes a great deal of energy to maintain. I would not call it ‘comfortable’ by any stretch of the definition.”

“Cute, though.”

Solas rolls his eyes at her flippancy. “I refuse to dignify that statement with a response.”

“That is a response.” But she takes his hand and squeezes, warmth diffusing into Solas’ chest as her affection washes over him in gentle waves.

Some time later, it occurs to him to wonder why she brought this subject up in the first place. “Are you comfortable with my spirit form, Athi?”

“I mean, sure. It’s just new. And it is different, at least to me. Not as solid.”

“Different in a bad way?”

“No. I mean, yes in some ways. Harder to kiss you, for one thing.” She squeezes his hand again. “Also I’m never really sure which eyes to look into.”

“In truth, that form does not have eyes, or even sight in the way you’d experience it.” 

Athi looks up at him, a vacant expression which he can only classify as bewilderment on her face.

“There are other senses which allow me to perceive the world,” he continues. “Ones which are very difficult to explain to someone who cannot experience them, but rest assured that I know where you are and what you are doing, whether in spirit form or this one.”

“That clears things up less than I think you think it does.”

“I am sorry. Perhaps you might simply choose your favorite ‘eye’ with which to maintain contact as we converse.”

“Right, I’ll give that a go.” 

“Does it truly bother you? Does it change your opinion of me?”

Athi stops short, her hand still clasped in his tugging him to a halt in turn. “What? No, it doesn’t ‘bother’ me. It’s just different. And I have to be different with it.”

“But I am still…” He is unsure how to ask the right question, but feels it imperative that he discover the answer. “I am still Solas, to you? Even when I wear that form?”

“Who else would you be?”

“Does it change how you feel about me? Your—” It is still so hard for him to accept the concept that even forming the word is a challenge. “Your love for me?”

“Oh.” Athi’s whole being relaxes on a sigh and a soft smile. She lifts his hand to her lips and kisses two of his knuckles. “Don’t be ridiculous. Nothing can change that.”

“Well. That is a relief. Thank you.”

They continue along their path, but the quiet hardly has time to settle back in when Athi speaks again.

“Solas?”

He hums an acknowledgement.

“If I were in a different form, would you still love me?”

The answer is obvious, but he entertains the subject. “Temporarily?”

“No, I think permanently.”

“Of course I would. It is your spirit that I adore—though I am fond of your form as well.”

She laughs brightly. “Good answer! But what if it was really different? Like a fish? Or a worm? What if you woke up one day and I was a worm?”

“Is your spirit intact within this worm?”

“Let’s say yes.”

“Then yes, I would still love you. And I would learn to love your worm form in time.”

“Okay.” She’s silent long enough that he thinks the matter dropped, then: “But what if my spirit was changed, too? What if I had a worm spirit now?”

“That would be an impossibility.” Even more impossible than the premise, but he keeps that to himself. “If your spirit was no longer yours, but a worm’s, then there would be no you within it. I would cherish your memory into eternity, and leave the worm to live out its life.”

Athi gasps and stops again, dropping his hand to match her other one on her hip. “You would leave me?!”

“It would not be you, vhenan. It would be a worm.”

“But I would be the worm!”

“You’re not the worm. Without your spirit, the worm is just a worm.”

“What if I was always the worm?”

She appears genuinely distressed, and Solas isn’t sure he can reason his way out of a conversation this ridiculous. “Then we likely would never have met. You would not love me either.”

“You don’t know that!”

Solas sighs heavily, cradling his temples in one hand. “I fear we’ve stepped out of the incredibly hypothetical discussion we began and into a deeper one.”

Athi starts ahead without him. “You’ve certainly stepped into something.”

[just-a-ghost00]

Have you already met your potential future spouse?

In this reading, we will attempt to know whether you met a person that has the highest potential of being your spouse and get details that will help you identify them. Now, because a person has the potential of being your spouse doesn’t mean that they will 100% be. As humans, we always have free will and our energies are frequently changing so even if someone has the potential of being your spouse you may end up going your own way for different reasons. The theme for this reading will be BIGBANG songs.

Group 1 💥

Ace of pentacles, 8 of swords, King of wands, Queen of cups, White Numen, The Star

As we have a majority of upright cards and positive cards, the answer is a YES. Your meeting with this person may be relatively recent. You and this person are very different from one another, which sometimes may generate tensions and misunderstandings between the two of you. As of now, I am getting that there isn't much going on with this person, as you both are focused on your own obligations and needs. You don't necessarily hold any grudges toward each other it's just that your connection with each other isn't your priority at this moment in time. If you may have been close to this person in a recent past, things have cooled down a little. I am getting a message that you could have met this person because of your work or their work and/or through social media. This is someone that is likely to live at a significant distance from you. There are two people represented here which I will call person A and person B. You may resonate with both descriptions or one more than the other. I will let you figure out what your energy is so that you can now who this person is.

Person A is represented by the King of wands. A is very driven and quite stubborn. They are known in life as someone that is always looking at the future and keeping themselves busy. They like to be challenged and are quite competitive. They can also be passionate and charismatic. A appears as an extrovert in most people's eyes and someone quite succesful. They tend to be bold in public and show the exemple. While A is looking at the future, they make sure that they don't turn a blind eye on their past and they used it as a source of inspiration to become a better person. A is wise and a natural born leader and may have an occupation that puts them in a position of authority quite often. They are independant and creative, they always find the words to motivate and inspire others, and have this image of someone that never backs down, never gives up. A is mostly driven by their gut, however they are not without intuition and can sometimes rely on it to make a decision. They come off as very masculine. They can be quite flirty and sociable. Most people tend to like them because of their natural charm.

Person B is represented by the Queen of cups. They are highly intuitive and sensitive, compassionate, empathetic. They are mostly driven by their heart. A is most known as someone that is generous and kind, a good listener and advisor. Most people would tell you that A is adorable and that they have a soothing presence that immediately makes them feel at home. They come off as very feminine compared to A. B wears their heart on their sleeve. Emotion is their element. They excel at expressing and understanding them and may often times help others figure out their own. B is likely to have a position that allows them to guide and nuture people. They are also quite the romantic. When they love someone, they love them wholeheartedly. It takes a lot for them to despise someone. They are very genuine and sometimes naive. They have a doe personality and are perceived as an introvert by most people. Even if they take most decisions from an emotional standpoint, they are able to use the power of their mind to swiftly navigate through shallow waters. B can be quite persuasive when they want to and tends to see through people, which may set A off. When I was writing this paragraph, I kept confusing B and A, which tells me that both of them happen to mirrori each other a lot, especially when in contact with each other. If A and B were complete opposites at first, upon meeting, it feels like their personality and energies merged.

With the combination of White Numen and the Star, I'm getting a message of your meeting being divinely orchestrated, if that is something you believe in. But other than that, you may just both feel like meeting each other happened at the perfect timing. Both of you are very faithful and spiritual but again there are slight differences. One may be more of the "I create my destiny" type and the other may be the "I don't chase I attract" type. Because the White Numen depicts a bull charging ahead whereas the Star depicts a feminine character sitting by a body of water. Both cards are looking in different directions which again gives me the impression that your paths are currently taking different turns. You may be in separation with this person at the moment but both of you are connected through your spirituality, your trust in yourself and each other. It's like you both have this inner knowing that you'll meet again later on but for now you have other matters to focus on. In terms of zodiac signs I am getting Leo, Taurus, Scorpio, Aquarius. So major fixed sign energy. Which could also be confirming the fact nothing much is going on in the 3D currently. One of you may have eye sight issues. One of you might be French or likes France. I was also picking up on Asian countries. I am also getting the message that in the 5D things are aligning between the two of you because they were out of balance before. This alignment is being monitored by your respective guides. Which may result in either one or both of you to feel a bit weird, wishy washy or like you're not completely fine but not okay either. You may be having mood swings or periods of time where you feel super motivated and others where you're just not feeling it.

Group 2 ✨

Knight of swords, Empress, The Star, Black Numen, page of pentacles, Queen of wands

As the majority of the cards are upright and positive ones, the answer is likely to be a yes. However, looking at the cards I got the feeling of a "not yet". So maybe you're about to meet this person. I'm getting the message that you are aware of this person in the 5D. You are already picking up on their energy and getting closer to them. Your meeting may be delayed by the fact that one of you is ahead of the other on their journey. Like maybe you've done your healing but this person still has a long way to go, or vice versa.

I pick up on two contrasted energies which I will attempt to describe. Maybe you will resonate with one and the other might be your person's energy. So one person is doing very well financially and living their best life. This person is living their dream life. They worked really hard to be where they are now and they intend to protect what they've earned. They are very confident, have a lot of faith in themselves and in the Universe. They just stand in their power and do whatever they have to do with dignity and grace. They don't worry about the future nor the past, they don't care about what people may think. They just do what feels right to them and I feel like this earns them a lot of admiration from others. They are very communicative and smart, sensual, charismatic. They gently nudge people to adapt their attitude very naturally by embodying the best version of them. They are very mature and accomplished. This is someone that takes good care of their health and appearance but they also don't neglect their spiritual practice, and make sure that they sharpen their mind. This is a very balanced person.

Then, I pick up on the energy of someone that may not have their life very put together and may be going through a difficult phase in their life but doesn't give up nontheless. This person is trying their best to overcome their difficulties and learn from their mistakes. They are very bold in nature, curious, charismatic in their own way but this person may lack a bit of confidence and faith in themselves compared to the other person. Maybe things recently happened in their life which set them off balance and made them question themselves. This person is learning how to assert their power and regain balance. They are in the process of healing whatever trauma they deal with. They may be a bit immature and also insecure, especially about their body I am getting. This is someone that knows they are lacking and is determined to be better however they may have a hard time following through with their own decisions. They may not be as dedicated as the other person. They can be quite efficient and impressive as well but whenever they doubt themselves or don't feel their best, this person doesn't give off the best image.

In terms of zodiac signs, we have Taurus, Aquarius, Leo. I don't get a specific message as to how you may meet this person. It might take quite a while before you meet them, as your energies aren't aligned yet to enable this meeting.

Group 3 💕

Page of cups, 8 of cups, Magician, Queen of cups, Emperor, 10 of cups

Regardless of whether the cards are upright or not, positive or not, I got a strong no vibe from the spread right off the bat with the 3 first cards that fell out. You don't know this person yet and you probably haven't met them. I get the message that many of you have met a person that you like and were wondering whether this person could be the one. And the answer is no, apparently. I feel like you have been hoping to meet your FS for a while now and working really hard on manifesting that relationship. Which in itself isn't a bad thing. But I get the message that in doing so, you forgot about yourself and neglected yourself.

Spirit insists on saying that meeting your future spouse first starts with meeting yourself and loving yourself. The more you will be in an energy of putting others before yourself and forgetting yourself by giving your all for the benefit of others, the only connections you're gonna manifest will be toxic for you. You will draw in people that will seek to take advantage of your giving nature and have control over you. So if the person you were wondering about is the type to take a lot from you but gives you little in return, they are definitely not the one you were looking for. The person that has the highest potential of being your spouse is someone that will not take away from you greedily. They will be very loving towards you and also very giving. They won't seek to prioritize their own pleasure and needs above yours. They'll make sure things are even. They will be someone that nurtures you and uplifts you, encourages you to stand in your own power and cultivate your own hapiness. They will help you in manifesting your dreams and moving away from what no longer serves you. They will make you feel cared for, protected, understood on every level. They will be someone that will try to shift their perspective so that they can better understand you. They will find a common ground so that neither of you feels neglected or let down. They will be very in tune with your emotions and needs. They will be there for you no matter what, either by helping you assert a situation, offering practical help or reassuring you. They will make you feel empowered and so loved.

Water signs are highly represented here so your potential future spouse could have major water placements in their chart or just be a very sensitive and intuitive person. We also have Gemini and Aries. They just give off a very soft and comforting energy. They will like PDA and won't be scared to demonstrate their love for you in all kinds of ways. They'll give the best cuddles and just create a safe space for you to be your quirky self. You'll never have to feel pressured to do anything with or for them. You'll never feel judged or like you're not enough because you'll be perfect in their eyes. They could be the type to send you good morning and good night texts every day if you're at a distance from one another, or to remind you daily of how beautiful you are and how much they love you. I get a dad vibe from them so maybe your person will already have had children when you meet or they are used to being in contact with children. Maybe it's a part of their job or they're just naturally good at it because they are so caring on a daily basis. Regardless of their gender, I feel like this person will make a very good parent if that is something both of you are okay with.

[futuremrscameron]

weird girl!kook

weird girl!kook is a social outcast amongst her fellow kooks; they didn’t her strange and offputting for her macabre paintings

she loves people watching; it helps her gain inspiration for new paintings, and it’s fun. it gives her an insight on the lives of kildare’s “elite”

her parents are both artists, so she loves to joke that she never stood a chance. one of her mothers works with charcoal and the other is a sculptor so she was surrounded by the limitless potential of expression through art since before she could talk

has two ferrets named ‘asuka’ and ‘shinji’ and they’re her babies. if they’re not rolling around on her bed they’re fighting and she’s constantly having to break them up

she does not have many non artist friends and even her non artist friends are a little artsy in their own way (ie; kiara)

knew of jj before officially meeting at midsummers. she was intrigued by the party animal front he puts up in front of everyone that barely masks his cruelty

wanted to drop out of kildare private academy and focus on her art but her parents convinced her to stay and graduate so she could at least her her high school diploma and when that didn’t work, access to their art supplies

smokes like a fucking chimney. not weed mind you, though she does get her stash from the mainland, cigarettes. she says it helps her think and that it’s good for stress but really she just likes the smell

weird girl!kook finds herself inexplicably drawn to jj after their midsummers meeting. she wants to get to know him but doesn’t want to seem desperate or like a school girl with a crush but her asking around about him isn’t helping

when he corners her asks her about it, she says it’s purely artistic curiosity, he has a good face and she would like to paint him. this inflates his ego to the gods so of course she has to humble him every so often

their painting sessions are something they both end up looking forward to though admittedly they had a rocky start

“why are you naked?”

he smirks at her blatant disgust, “aren’t you gonna draw me like one of your french girls?”

she rolls her eyes and begins packing up her materials. he frowns. “woah what are you doing?”

“if you’re not gonna take this seriously you can go. i can find someone else.”

he picks up his shirt from the floor and covers his lower half. he’s in front of her in mere seconds when she turns back from pack.

he grabs her arm, “hey hey hey okay wait there’s no need for that. i’m sorry.” she looks at him, trying to gage if he’s genuine. she looks down at his hand on her arm, he lets go.

“sorry.” he scratches his head awkwardly, she takes note of this too.

“you said that already.”

his cheeks flush at her bluntness, “yeah um sorry. sorry.” his face somehow grows pinker.

“you’re good.” she unpacks her paints and looks back at him, “well get dressed we’ve got work to do.”

he grins, “yes ma’am.”

she looks down at the arm he grabbed. goosebumps

often home alone because he mothers go to the mainland to sell their art as a kid she hated it but now she’s thankful she doesn’t have to explain why the infamous jackson genrette is sneaking out her room at 8 am

surprisingly not a lightweight, jj finds out the hard way when he tries to challenge her to a drinking game. she knew he was trying to get her drunk to fuck her so of course she hustled him, pretending not to know the rules and struggle in the first round only to kick his ass in the second, third, and fourth round. she ends up carrying him back to hers

her colorful outfits and makeup makes her stand out more than anything but she refuses to change it despite the drawbacks (being perceived) it’s how she expresses herself outside of her art

she hates being the center of attention but loves receiving praise for her art, this double edged sword always strikes when she offers to paint sets and props for school plays. she ends up the talk of the school for a month before she happily goes back to being the outcast

weird!girl!kook doesn’t realize she likes jj until he pulls up to her house in his motorcycle on one of their non-meeting days. he tells her to get dressed cause he just wanted to see her. he convinces her to take him up to the roof so they can look at the stars. he points out every constellation he can find and tells her about his mom teaching him all about them. it’s the softest and most genuine she’s ever seen him

thinks rafe is weird and sketchy but understands why him and jj are friends. rafe thinks she’s weird and sketchy but knows she’s exactly jj’s type. they get along for his sake

has jj saved as ‘my muse’ in her phone. jj has her saved as ‘sexy da vinci’ before he gets serious about her and ‘eye of the beholder’ after they start dating

no one understands how or why they’re together because they’re so different and they don’t seem to like each other, at least that’s what it looks like to outsiders. they still haven’t gotten over that time she called him a dirty dog after he asked her to put her cigarette out on him while he was drunk (she did)

weird!girl!kook who hopes to leave outer banks share her art with the rest of the world and secretly hopes jj will come along

—————————————————————————

this took me a minute cause it was not planned but as always tell me what you thought, positive or negative just keep it classy. <3

(i wonder if anyone will catch the iwtv inspo)

[acerathia]

pink camellias || Chapter 7: nasturtium

Chapter Summary:

nasturtium: patriotism, conquest, victory in battle

Wordcount: 5.0k

Read on AO3 || Masterlist

Pairing:

Bakugou Katsuki / Reader

Tags/CW:

royalty au, inspired by Mulan, war and its consequences, violence, childhood friends to strangers to companions to lovers (i am sorry), Angst, Acts of Service, Character Death (Major, and Minor), swordfights, misogyny, f!reader, kidnapping, implied torture, let me know if I missed anything lol

Note:

my class started late, so here

A splitting headache was the first thing you felt after waking up, followed by the dry feeling in your mouth, your tongue sticking weirdly between your teeth. You swallowed a couple of times to relieve this feeling. While repeating that action, you began to feel your body and its constitution. It seemed like you were tied to a chair, your arms flat against its arms, no movement possible, and you felt some sort of rope on each wrist and one across your upper body and arms. You assumed your ankles had been bound the same way to the legs of the chair. It didn’t feel like you had a gag or blindfold, and you also didn’t register any new injuries. At least you didn’t think so. Only after this silent check did you dare to slowly open your eyes, cracking one slightly to see if someone was present in the room.

There was someone, but you could barely see their figure without making any noticeable movements. So, your gaze wandered back to yourself, swiftly checking if all your clothes were still in their place. And you almost let a breath out when everything seemed to be fine, beside the weird tingling all over your body, but you assumed it was a side effect of whatever they gave you and the ropes cutting off your bloodstream.

Slowly, you let a finger rub against the arm of the chair, trying to see what material it was made of. Wood. Still, you could not do anything before confirming that the whole chair is actually made of wood. So, you collected yourself, trying to remember what the Captain told you what to do in such situations. And for a moment you were thankful for his training, because if he didn’t pound these plans into their heads for such a prolonged time, you already would have woken up in a fit of curses and screams, scared out of your mind. To be fair, you still were scared out of your mind, but in this version of the story you knew what you were supposed to do, and that didn’t necessarily make you calmer, but at least steadfaster.

With his instructions playing in your mind, you could almost hear the way he had explained every step with a slight annoyance tinting his voice, yet he kept repeating himself despite the so-called stupid questions. You took a breath out of your nose, cinching your brows to frown before groaning softly. Shifting in your seat, you rolled your head so it hung back. Then you made the act of slowly blinking awake, jolting your arm to rub your eyes or face, didn’t matter, really, before shuddering as your jerking grew seemingly more erratic with the second. Your head swiveled around with your eyes wide open, until you finally made eye contact with whoever had been occupying the room with you.

And this time, the shudder and the catch of breath were real as you perceived the colors of his clothes. A dark shade of blue. The color of the other side, of the enemy. You already knew that, but this was your confirmation. Your gaze traveled further, over burn-marred skin, to the hooded eyes of your enemy, of one of your captors. And at first, his eyes seemed to be lazy, all indifference, but the longer you stared into their icy depth, the more the cold ruthlessness seemed to peek through.

You swallowed. “Damn it, let me go! What is this supposed to mean?” you raised your voice, infusing it with the fear you currently were suppressing.

“No can-do, sadly. And I’m not really in the mood to answer questions, if I’m going to be honest, so…” he shrugged and leaned further into the couch, all dangling arms and lethargic movements. But you noticed the precision in every move of his.

For a moment, you bit on your tongue, ruminating on the possible next steps. That was, until you realized that people underestimated you simply for being a woman, so why not using that to your advantage? Luckily, you still remembered how to act as if you’re still in court, and you doubt that these people could see behind that facade as easily as the aristocrats could.

So, you let your face crumble at his words, let your jaw slacken and your gaze take on the thousand-yard stare. And then slowly you sunk your head forward and let your breath sound a little bit irregular. With the last touch of slightly trembling shoulders, you presented him the helpless, scared maiden. The only thing left to do was wait for him to take the bait.

A scoff. “You can stop the charade, there’s no way you would be that close to the battlefield if you were that easily scared.”

All you did was lift your head to face him again, your bottom lip slightly wobbling as the tears collected in your tears. “Bu- But I truly do not know what to do with myself. I was never supposed…” your voice cracked and you sniffed before continuing. “I was never supposed to be there in the first place.”

He rolled his eyes at your words. “Whatever you say, in the end, it doesn’t really matter anyway,” he leaned his head against his hand while watching you with apathy and boredom. “You act like we don’t know anything, huh? Annoying if you ask me.”

He didn’t seem to believe this act, so his friends probably wouldn’t either. With this realization, you just dropped it, a little disappointed sneer on your face as you wiped the tears on your shoulders. All while holding eye contact with him. With a puff of air, you shifted slightly in your seat, looking for a way to sit comfortably.

For a moment you considered asking questions, trying to see if you would be able to get some proper answers or any hints about their plans. But you dismissed that thought, as the earlier instances showed that he wouldn’t talk in any circumstance about anything important. And maybe he didn’t even know a lot to begin with. That was something you couldn’t just expect. So, you had to look at the situation as if it was the worst possible one. That meant that he might just be a guard, without any usable knowledge, and that you had to expect the escape to be near impossible. You had to be prepared for everything. So, it was important for you to take your time with planning. Still, one thing you needed to know, even if you weren’t sure he would tell you in the first place.

“Alright. But do tell, did you manage to actually catch the Captain? I highly doubt that this feat lies within your abilities,” you snickered, hoping that the last statement was enough to rile him up for some kind of response.

A little snort escaped him as he glanced back at you. Yet, he said nothing, and nothing could be read from his facial expressions. You kept staring at him, trying to discern any reaction, anything that could hint at the whereabouts of the Captain. But you found nothing. So, like you had decided earlier, you had to assume the worst. Which would be him being captive in this strange place. Somewhere you could not even think about, much less access in your current state.

A sigh escaped you, and there was nothing you could do at the moment. It was too risky to immediately break out, especially considering you had no idea where you were, or why you were here in the first place. And worst of all, there was nothing you could do. You were bound to a chair, and the only person in this place wouldn’t even think of talking to you. You couldn’t even fall asleep, because you just woke up, and even if you did feel battered, there was a buzzing in your veins, too vibrating to allow you to even relax. So, you did what you could do best, you stared at the ceiling and got a bit lost in your thoughts, with just enough awareness to notice any change in your environment.

*-*

You had no idea how much time had passed until some people finally entered the room you were staying in. Your gaze passed each of them, no recognition hitting you, at least the younger girl seemed to be the one to have drugged you. At least until the last person entered, and you couldn’t hold in the gasp escaping you. You knew him. He was someone you had spent by his side the last months eating and fighting and talking. You both weren’t necessarily close, yet you had thought there was some sort of camaraderie, an almost friendship, or at least some respect across the troupe. Yet, with his appearance he rendered everything you thought to be true as naught. Devastation hit you in the chest at his sight, at his mocking grin towards you, and you felt a grimace pulling at your face, your body not able to properly determine what to feel and how to express it.

“Shit, that’s what you fucking deserve. A stupid woman doesn’t belong in a battlefield. You’re disgusting,” he grinned at you, his gaze traveling over your body, almost ecstatic at the way you had been bound to the chair.

For some reason, his words hit you deeper than you had anticipated. They were echoing what you had been hearing all your life, and it seemed like it would never matter how much effort you put in to change their minds, they would continue to think that way, that you were nothing but a woman, nothing but a nuisance.

Still, you tried to keep some form of dignity, as you straightened your face to the best of your abilities, your teeth biting into the insides of your cheeks. And you avoided looking directly at him, in fear of inciting another reaction out of you. Instead you cocked your head and directed your gaze to one of them, the one who had entered the room at first.

“So, what’s going to happen now?” you asked, swallowing slightly as you felt how your voice trembled at the end.

“Right now, you’re going to talk and tell us everything we want to know,” he answered with a croaking voice, his fingers scratching at his neck.

You raised your eyebrows, trying to delay this interrogation for a bit. “Oh? And why do you think that I know something? And don’t you have your little… lap dog anyway?”

Your breath hitched when you heard him cuss you out, yet he didn’t attack you outright, so he had to know nothing and have no power to his traitorous name.

“He has no idea about anything. But you–” he scoffed, taking a step closer to you, to stand directly in front of you. You barely noticed his hand before he already grabbed your chin, his fingers digging into your cheeks. “You’re closer to the Captain. There must be something you know. And honestly, if you don’t, you do make a compelling hostage.”

A grin spread over his face, his gums peeking, and you couldn’t help but think that he looked somewhat inhuman, terrifying. With a flick of his wrist, he released your face and signaled the others to step closer.

And for some reason, you weren’t terrified of them, afraid yes, your muscles spasming and your breathing painful, yet it was the same as on the battlefield. The only person you were terrified of, truly, was the man who had betrayed the group, the Captain, the country. In your view, he was unpredictable, you shook underneath his gaze, his words still echoing inside your brain. And you didn’t want him to step closer, yet you kept your mouth shut, didn’t allow yourself to reveal any possible weakness.

Oddly, you just hoped for the boss to take care of this, as you pinched your eyes close. In some way you trusted them a lot more. You couldn’t explain why. Maybe, there was some kind of respect in you, as one did after fighting each other for some time. And you sincerely hoped they felt the same in a tiny amount.

*-*

You had lost all sense of time. How long have you stayed in this room, with barely any food to sustain you for long? Despite just waking up, you felt tired, your bones aching and creaking with the small amount of movement you had been able to have. You were pretty sure it hadn’t been that long, but the pain in your body tried to tell you another story, and you had no idea if you passed out from it or simply because your body wanted to simulate a proper night's sleep.

No matter, you were tired, your eyes burning with each heavy blink. Yet, you had enough sense in you to notice how for once there was nobody in this room but you. They had never left you alone since you had arrived, and you started to give up. But now you had a chance to escape. Still, for a moment you contemplated if you should even try, exhaustion making your thoughts sluggier than necessary. You had no idea about your whereabouts, having failed at coercing anything out of the enemy, nothing but their own questions.

You pinched your eyebrows together, bringing the rest of your focus back, and in your mind you could almost hear the Captain yelling at you to ‘fucking focus!’. And for some reason that did it. Your thoughts were coherent enough for you to decide to at least try.

So, you let your gaze wander to the door, and you assumed, no, hoped, that they left it open, under the pretense that there was no way for you to get out of these knots and ropes holding you to the chair. And while that might be true, the ropes burning deep into your flesh, they seemed to have forgotten about the chair. One made out of wood.

Taking a deep breath, you slowly began to tip forward, readying your feet to catch you when the moment comes. And you managed to successfully catch yourself, albeit standing in an awkward squat.

You had to take another breath before moving on, because you knew that the next step was going to hurt. You sincerely hoped to get the right angle, as you had never had the need to execute this maneuver before. Closing your eyes, you jumped up, only to twist slightly back in the air, intending on falling in a way, which makes the chair simply break under your weight and the rudeness of it.

A crack and pain shooting up your hips. For a moment it seemed like it worked, but when you opened your eyes, you felt a gut punch as you realized the chair didn’t splinter to render you free, rather only a part broke.

Another shaky breath as you began to assess the citation, trying to peek behind you to see how the chair looks like. It seemed like only the joint keeping the seat and the back together had broken apart, giving you some flexibility, but not truly freeing you from your shackles. And you could easily free your legs and torso yourself, if only were your hands free.

So, your gaze jumped around the room, trying to look for something that might help you. But there was nothing but the walls, the small space empty and dusty. You hadn’t noticed how tiny your prison was, because of your immobility.

You began staring at the closest wall, trying to think of something. And then there was a possibility, perhaps the only one in your capabilities.

You brought your knees slowly to your chest, as much as the broken chair allowed you to, only to use them to push yourself across the floor, trying your best to inhale as little of the dust as possible. Every push took quite some time, yet the wall didn’t seem to get any closer. With every movement, you began to give up a little more, until your head bumped against a brick, in a way notifying you of your arrival.

Then you took a couple of shuffles to get the right angle. Once you had it, you began to twist your torso with speed, allowing yourself to smash one of the armrests against the wall. With every hit, the joints between it and the rest of the chair began to creak and crack. You had no idea how many times you smashed your arm against the wall, scratches and splinters digging deep into your skin at some point, yet you didn’t stop until the wood separated.

Even if you weren’t able to fully move your freed arm because a big piece of the armrest still clung to it, you now possessed enough range motion to reach over to your other arm and to dig your fingertips into the rope, trying to loosen the knots with brute force, before jamming them into the knots, opening them slowly but fully. Once that arm was truly free of the chair, you used its new freedom to get rid of the ropes around the other arm. You fully ignored the chafing and the pain radiating from it, as you focused on freeing up your torso and your legs, all while silently hoping that nobody entered while you were still opening up the last of the knots.

Breath caught in your throat, and you reached for your boot, for the weapon you had hidden during the confrontation. But all you felt there was your own skin and air. No sheath, no leather, nothing. For a moment you felt yourself choke on your own panic, as you slowly realized how vulnerable you were, have been. And how there was nothing for you to use. You didn’t even remember the last time you had no weapon on your body, every woman needed one, you needed one, right now, for the last weeks, for the rest of your life.

The person finally stepped into the room, and you scrambled back, your back hitting the wall, your hands scratching against the broken wood. And without thoughts or consideration you grabbed one piece, its point sharp from the impact earlier.

You licked your lips as your eyes stared at the point only to slowly shift towards the person standing in the door. And there was something inside of you zinging at the sight of this man, of this traitor, of someone standing above you, looking down on you. Your eyes shook as you slowly stood up, your back sliding over the wall. All while never breaking your gaze off of him. You couldn’t even tell if you were trembling, if you were holding the wooden piece correctly. All you did was stumble in his direction, your legs tingling due to the lack of use lately.

Finally, standing in front of him, but before he could grin, could say anything down to you, could tell on you, you swung the makeshift spear, the use of it akin to the use of a dagger as you let the sharp end dig into the soft flesh at his throat. He croaked surprised, the sounds coming out of him seemingly squashed. Blood trickled down. Soaking into the hem of his shirt, and you couldn’t help yourself but watch it spread.

With a jerk, a quelch you pulled the wood back to you, and now the blood began to bubble out of the wound. But he refused to weaken, still standing on his feet, still looking down on you. You wanted him to stop looking at you, wanted him to stop. So, you grabbed his head, bringing the point closer to it, getting rid of his annoying stare.

And finally, he fell to his knees, onto the ground with his face. His blood slowly tinting your shoes the same it had tainted the rest of your clothes, your skin.

It felt like you could finally breathe properly in this place, at least in this moment. So, you took a moment to enjoy this feeling of acquired freedom, before you grabbed his paling body to drag it into the room. You were aware that due to the blood on the floor, it won’t be long until they finally discover that something is amiss, even considering that they didn’t seem to care much about him. Before you left him to rot, you took away his weapons, and the disappointment choked you for a moment as you realized that he only had a dagger on his body, nothing else. Still, it had to be enough.

Closing the door behind you as you leave, you let your gaze swipe over everything, looking for any clue for the outside, and most importantly, for the Captain. There was nothing your sight picked up, so you decided to lick a rather clean finger and to hold it up, trying to discern if there was any wind blowing from any direction. There was a gentle breeze, one you barely noticed. That direction was the most likely one to be your way to freedom, yet you hesitated. You still didn’t know if the Captain had been captured also, he could be anywhere inside this place, and you were aware that you were purely lucky, there was no way they would even think of leaving him unattended.

You were torn, should you go look for him, or simply walk away to get help? Only, there was no guarantee that you would manage to reach the camp all alone or even be on time to get him help. You hated to admit it, but if he was stuck there, maybe you were his only chance at the moment. He would do the same for you, truly.

With one last glance to the side promising freedom, you slipped to the other side, keeping close to the wall and staying on your toes, dagger and wooden piece always in your hands. You kept peeking into every cell and room you encountered, but there was no one you recognized, all tattered clothes trembling in the corners or laying too silently. As much as you wanted to help, you knew that this lay beyond your capabilities at the moment. So, you continued sneaking around, looking for that still fierce stare of his.

And every time you encountered someone patrolling down the corridors, you waited until they turned their back to you to stab the dagger into their neck. And every time you cursed your lack of abilities in the manner of assassinations and the work of the shadows, as every movement of yours sounded incredibly loud and unnecessary. You couldn’t even get rid of anyone without any noise.

You dumped the bodies in the next best room, taking some weapons if available. At some point you felt like they made too much sound while you were trying to sneak around, so you had to drop some of them into an empty room. But for some reason, despite the amount of available weapons on your person, you didn’t let go of the wooden piece, its splinters digging deep into your skin.

After countless doors and cells, you began to give up. You should just turn around and escape, all by yourself. But you couldn’t, there was something inside your bones telling you to try one more cell, one more dark corner. And you rounded the next corner, only to stop when you spotted two guards in front of one single door. Nowhere else had you seen those stationed like this. There had to be someone important. You decided to look into that particular room, no matter who was inside, they probably needed help. At least, you would have tried to help someone in this ashen place.

Looking at the position of the guards, you doubted you could sneak close enough to them to attack them without retaliation. So, you grabbed one of the longer daggers to give you more reach, before sprinting towards them. They immediately noticed you and pulled their swords. And as much as you wished to hold one too, you were aware that the walls were too close for a proper sword, especially against two opponents. You just hoped they would accidentally start bothering each other with their limited reach.

You focused on the one slightly closer to you, your eyes looking for a weak spot with every step, and even if you didn’t find one immediately, you didn’t slow down. Rather you simply avoided the clumsy swing of the sword, as he tried to strike you down, before you rammed into him with the full force of your speed. He lost his balance, toppling over and you landed on top of him. Without delay, you grabbed the helmet of his and pushed away to plunge the blade into his now freed throat.

The blood flowed and you felt some sprinkle over your face. Wiping it away, you almost missed the movement behind you, as the other person swung their own blade towards you. You barely had any time to react as you tried to roll away, but the blade still grazed your thigh. A sharp pain burst in your flesh there, more than a simple graze warranted. It almost distracted you from the next upcoming attack and you had no other possibility but to hold your own, much smaller blade against theirs. Gravity supported them, as they tried to drive the sword into you.

As the sharp edge inched closer to your body, you jammed your foot into their lower body, trying to get them to lose their balance in any way as you continued to kick up. The blade was at such a small distance, your own blade started digging into your skin. It was over, your strength wasn’t enough to win this.

But before you could even think of letting go, a loud noise clattered from the closed door, startling you both, but that surprise was exactly what you needed, as their muscles loosened the tiniest bit. You grabbed another weapon from your clothes and stabbed its blade into their wrist holding the sword, hoping to have slashed some tendons. The reaction was immediate as he let go of the blade, letting it fall. You on the other hand didn’t react fast enough, and it grazed your ear and shoulder, feeling the blood slowly pooling underneath your head.

They were holding their wrist close to their chest, and you took the chance, grabbed their own sword to drive it into their chest cavity. Their blood splattered all over you before they fell onto the ground, twitching and huffing.

For a moment you allowed yourself to take a breather, laying between the two corpses as their blood soaked your clothes, sending shivers down your back.

A second crash and you flinched as you looked towards the door. Instead of saying something, you sat up, feeling the pain radiating from your thigh, and you knew that the injury there had opened up again. A sigh escaped you, and you ripped the seam of your tattered shirt to bind it over the wound once again. You hoped you could withstand the pain long enough, because it didn’t feel as bad as it did at first when you got stabbed there.

Another crash sounded and you slowly got annoyed by whoever was doing that.

“Okay, okay, Calm down.”

And it was silent after you said this, but you weren’t sure if they actually listened to you. Nonetheless you stood up and walked up to the door. On the way you pulled out a dagger before kneeling in front of the lock. You had no idea how to break a lock, but you assumed that if you jammed the tip of the blade with strong enough force it would break it.

You began to jam the blade into the sides of the lock, trying to get a reaction out of it. After some time, without any crashes from the inside to distract you, you finally heard some sort of clicking noise. Still, you didn’t dare take away the blade until you pushed the door open.

You didn’t know how to react to the insides of the cell. And for a moment the only thing moving was the piece of wood hitting the floor. There was joy pumping your heart, but also some embarrassment when you realized how bad you had to look. The Captain only frowned at your sight, before taking over as he walked past you.

“Looks like your head was hit,” he grumbled as he pointed towards the keys on the belt of one of the guards.

You felt hot, shame making it difficult to explain yourself. But before you could even try to reiterate, you felt a finger tipping your chin up, and you met his hot gaze, filled with fury. His finger traveled over your cheek to your cut ear. “I hope you paid this filth back a thousandfold…”

Something told you that if these two guards were alive, he would have shown them something worse than death. But you didn’t mind this, you just enjoyed the way your heart finally seemed to settle once you found him.

He let his hand fall away, some of your blood on his fingertips, and stepped away. You handed him some of the weapons you had collected before starting to tell him what way to go. But instead of letting you finish speaking he told you to take the lead. He obviously didn’t want to waste time, but you were glad to be trusted like that.

So, you walked down the same corridors you came from, they were still empty as you left them. Until you stopped in front of the room you had occupied. A glance in his direction told you to just continue walking. You did. This time, it took you both longer to find your way out, nothing indicating any sort of possible escape, especially the lack of guards. The halls were empty. And you had to admit that it worried you to not meet any resistance at all.

After some time, you finally stumbled across the exit, and you opened the door, ready for the onslaught of enemies. But what was across the threshold was more than you had anticipated.

[thoughtless-mindless-thoughts]

Can't tell if I have no personality or too many personalities

[trans-androgyne]

The tme/tma binary is problematic because bioessentialism and gender essentialism is problematic.

The bioessentialism in its use includes assuming that everyone born with a vulva cannot experience transmisogyny in a meaningful way despite being presented with evidence otherwise. Sure it’s not all in the same way, not all trans women and transfems amab have all the same experiences either, but they can always specify something like “hey I’m an intersex trans woman who was afab but raised as a guy.”

The gender essentialism in its use includes assuming that everyone who identifies as a man cannot experience transmisogyny in a meaningful way despite being presented with evidence otherwise. Drag queens don’t get systemically targeted by transmisogyny even when there is legislation targeting their right to be in children’s and public spaces when they identify as men (cis or trans)? Are you certain? Because I’m not a drag queen and I’m not certain of that, so I can ask drag queens about it instead of assuming what their experiences are.

Julia Serano’s criticism of the tme/tma binary is that it’s use can consist of “boiling down people’s complex experiences with different types of sexism into ‘some people are privileged and some people are marginalized,’” and that’s my issue with it too.

[kittykatninja321]

See the reason why I will always be down with the poc Jason headcanon is because I look at the way his lashing out as a grieving child gets interpreted/demonized as “anger issues”, and the way Bruce at times projected “anger issues” onto him that weren’t actually there and also immediately assumed that Jason was bound to become a dangerous criminal unless he intervened despite the fact that Jason was just trying to survive and said himself that he “didn’t wanna be a crook” and didn’t show violent inclinations until AFTER he became Robin and I go “idk, sounds kinda racialized to me buddy, hitting you with the melanin beam”. Now we know the real reason for this is classism but classism and racism are right next to each other on the periodic table so it doesn’t not fit yknow?

[kickedin17]

It's 12am at night I have to be up in 6 hours for work and I can't stop thinking about this fuckass picture. Look at Josh's cute birthday boy. Tyler's like 🥰 because Josh is taking a picture of him. I'm ill what is their problem

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

[eyewyrm]

noel and identity loss...

trying to articulate why it feels wrong to call him charlie, because thats still him but at the same time not.

he's changed and things cant go back to the way they were, noel took up a new name one to remember but also to move on

i don't think noel is a fake name to him more so just a new identity he's taken up as an extension of himself. or at least someone he's rebuilt himself as after the dreamlands. i don't think he's discarded charlie as an identity but that he just has two names that are both very real to him, however just one of them is more in the forefront than the other so he'd be unused to his old name being used.

but i also think that he'd feel extremely disconnected to his old life and name that it would be uncomfortable and feel wrong for him, might feel that his past is catching up to him or maybe he'd be afraid that if he stops using noels name he'd be abandoning him in some way

or just using the name as an escape from the king in yellow who likely would've called him by his original name

i recognise this is like probably nothing at all but it is rotating in my brain and i need to get it out, i love saying shit and being completely incoherent

[somecunttookmyurl]

all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults

you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something

[lilac-hecox]

Ian could hit me with a train and I'd still ask him to rail me

I feel this on a spiritual level 🙏

[kaisollisto]

“How long have you been here?” She prods, bumping her gently with her foot still keeping the couple of inches of distance between them. The storm had passed 20 minutes ago and Ava had insisted on exploring as much as she could before nightfall.

“Does it matter? There’s no use dwelling on the passage of time.” Beatrice can feel bitterness lingering on her tongue. It feels like rejection, it feels like Ava has peeled back the layers of Beatrice, glanced at her and decided no thanks. They’re sat on a lumpy rock, Beatrice can feel how worn it is and wonders when she started feeling the same.

Ava pauses, before bringing her gaze from the space below them to Beatrice’s eyes. “It does to me.” Ava has a soft look in her eyes that makes Beatrice want to lash out. She looks away, she doesn’t need this, whatever it may be, whatever Ava chooses to wrap under the word ‘care’.

She takes a deep breath, hoping to still her emotions of misplaced anger. It’s not like Beatrice to get emotional, but after years of isolation, she supposes it’s bound to happen. “Days, years, maybe decades, it’s been a long time.” Beatrice gazes deeply into the horizon, how many times had she wished for this, someone to share the sunset with?

Ava hums and Beatrice turns to look at her. Her face turns to the direction of where Beatrice was once looking, admiring the view. Ava’s face is illuminated by the setting sun, she doesn’t have any blemishes or bumps on her skin. Ava is probably what humans would consider perfect. Beatrice doesn’t know what to think of her, doesn’t want to dwell on it either. She knows better than anyone what that could mean for her.

“For a such a shitty planet you’ve got a nice view.” Ava quips, Beatrice isn’t quite sure what she wants her to say. So she breathes, she closes her eyes gripping the rough stone beneath them and exhales.

“Yeah,” she can feel something rise in her. It balloons from the tips of her toes and forces it’s way up her throat. It curdles on her tongue bitter tasting, everything tastes bitter to Beatrice now. She swallows hard, wallowing in the silence procured between them.

“So, you’re like a MILF or something?” Ava jokes, Beatrice misses the uneasy expression on Ava’s face when she chokes and the smile that follows.

She hacks up spit from her lungs and feels the pressure in her throat loosen, “What?” Beatrice breathes raggedly as she clears her airway. “What could have led you to believe that?”

Ava has the nerve to look sheepishly as she shrugs her shoulders to her ears, “I mean DSP9 is basically your child? And you’re, uh,” Ava flushes as she frantically waves her arms between the two of them. “Yanno, um, h- attractive for your, um species? Race? You’re just pleasing to the eye, at least my eye. But not just pleasing! You’re like plenty smart! Living here on this desolate planet with so little you must be very fit, and survival-y.” Ava trails off blushing a profuse red.

Beatrice would be more concerned if her translator wasn’t struggling to decipher the speed of her words.