#like actually help me please
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how to get adhd medication
#vent#like actually help me please#im failing 3 classes bc of executive dysfunction i dont think im gonna graduate high school at this rate#yk the future is gonna be bad when you have no job nor motivation to get one#and you cant get the motivation to even get a learners permit for driving#and you cant get the motivation to stop failing your classes#but your sister moved out at 18 and ur parents are gonna expect the same from you#i know meds wouldnt solve all my problems but at least let me TRY adderall cause im getting suicidal again just thinking about how hopeless#my future is
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AU where Mr. D claiming to be Percy’s dad accidentally counts as Claiming according to Greek god law or whatever and now all the other gods legitimacy believe Percy is his son, but if Mr. D corrects it, he has to explain to Zeus why he pretended he was Percy’s dad so now he’s like “YEP ol’ Perry Johansson is MY child wowie just look at the little fry, you have your mother’s eyes. Please stop standing next to water or you will blow my cover”
Meanwhile Poseidon is just standing off to the side like “how on earth did I dodge THAT bullet”
#EVEN BETTER if Mr D tries to keep his cover by actually treating him like a son#Clarisse doesn’t mess with him cuz after the toilet fiasco Mr D is like “I will feed you to my cult young lady!! good job Peter :)#Percy is like “hey dad why can I control water “and Mr D is like …ever heard of that guy that turned it to wine??#Mr D: PLEASE just help me I can’t keep it a secret for much longer Mr. Brunner: you told him his brother was JESUS???#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson the lightning thief#dionysus#Mr D
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic
#bloodweave#baldur's gate 3#bg3#gale x astarion#astarion x gale#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#yes this is about astarion helping gale defeat mystra and take her place with the crown in exchange for gale helping him with the ritual#the ‘they can make each other worse’ part of their relationship turned to the max#I enjoy them being reluctantly soft for each other more but from time to time I just think about how powerful they could get together#toxic evil boyfriends. take love and twist it up until it’s unrecognisable#I like to think that astarion approached gale with that offer after realising no one else in camp is gonna help him#and that he can use gales own hunger for power which backfired when astarion actually became emotionally invested in gale#and after gale kept his word despite everyone’s concerns astarion changed his plan from not fullfilling his end of the bargain to actually#helping gale kill mystra (mostly so that gale could belong to him and him alone. and letting him take the place as a god bc having a god#at you beck and call is definitely appealing. especially one as eager to please as gale)#anyway what I want to say with this is please please please let me kill mystra i don’t even care if the weave gets destroyed again
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thinking of a new steddie fic/au hmmm.
It’s just the classic, Steve buys weed from Eddie in season 1 era, he and Tommy meet him at the bench in the woods behind school. Steve and Eddie have some playful banter and clearly get along, but it’s dismissed as just a drug deal and they go on about their lives.
Next time they meet is when a frantic Steve comes and finds Eddie after he’s just fought off the demogorgon for the first time. He’s rattled, and skittish, wearing a nasty black bruise on his eye, and just overall not acting like himself. He snaps at Eddie multiple times to just ‘hurry up’ and ‘get him his stuff’, and sure he’s being an asshole, but more than anything Eddie is just concerned. He has never seen The King Steve Harrington lose his cool like this. So Eddie cautiously gives him the weed, making sure not to give too much, and lets him go about his day, but not before asking if he’s alright. Steve clearly wasn’t expecting this and brushes it off defensively, but that doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it for the rest of his week. How the hell did Eddie Munson notice something was wrong, when his own parents didn’t? Nor his “friends”?
They cross paths again a year later, the beginning of season two. Steve is still with Nancy and has freshly dumped his old douchebag crew of superficial friends. He is still sitting quite comfortably on the higher ranks of popularity, but there is no denying his status is not what it used to be. He comes to buy weed from Eddie in the first week back at school, and it’s a casual interaction. He’s still as charmingly stuck up as he ever was, but now without Tommy there to judge his every move, he seems a little more at ease when making casual conversation with Eddie. Eddie doesn’t mention the year before and Steve is so glad for it, secretly very embarrassed that he went to Eddie for some refuge after arguably his most traumatic experience to date. He gets his stuff, giving Eddie a smirk when he notices he’s dropped the price significantly for Steve when it’s just him alone. Eddie gives him a challenging smile back, almost daring him to call it out, but he doesn’t. They both just laugh and part ways.
The next run in is tina’s halloween party. They notice eachother when Steve first arrives, making eye contact and giving a polite nod. Maybe Eddie lifts his drink up to Steve in a silly salute. They don’t speak at all or make any effort to hang around eachother. That is, until Steve storms down the stairs in a rage after he’d gone up there with Nancy Wheeler. But then are those- tears? Eddie was standing on the front porch smoking a cigarette, trying to discreetly hide from one Billy Hargrove to avoid having to sell him anything, but staying visible enough that he won’t lose all chances of making any money tonight. Steve storms right past him and hits his shoulder. Eddie whips around and is about to call him a dick before he sees who it is.
Steve tries to quickly wipe his face, he won’t make eye contact with Eddie, and he’s clearly trying to get out as fast as he can. Eddie doesn’t let him, though, since he’s obviously not thinking very clearly and is most likely about to do something emotional and stupid. He asks if Steve’s alright, and his answers are all short and rushed, so he’s definitely not. They’re not really friends, but Eddie’s not an asshole.
— “Did you drive?” Eddie asks
“Yeah”
“Well, you’re drunk, Steve. You can’t get behind a wheel right now. And if I knowingly let you, then that makes me an accomplice. I’ll take you home.”
Steve tries to protest, attempting to push past him, but Eddie interjects. “Yeah, yeah, alright! Don’t thank me yet, Steve’o. This is not for you, see, I’m not trying to get a criminal record, here. I cant go to prison, Steve. Do you know what they’d do to a pretty guy like me in prison? Nope, let’s go hot stuff.” —
Eddie takes Steve home. They don’t talk much. By the time they reach Steve’s drive way and Eddie has put his van in park, Steve is making no attempt to exit the vehicle just yet. Eddie doesn’t know what to do, he didn’t really plan this far, so he’s just tapping away awkwardly at his steering wheel while Harrington stares down the dashboard so clearly lost in thought Eddie fears his head might explode. Steve tells Eddie what happened, says it’s ‘relationship troubles’, and he’s not quite sure what compelled him into being so honest with Eddie Munson, but he’s blaming the alcohol. Eddie wasn’t expecting that. They chat for a bit, Eddie makes Steve laugh and considers the whole night a success after that. Then they start cracking jokes about their shared hatred for Hargrove, and Steve looks and sounds a bit more ok to go inside. He thanks Eddie, quite sincerely actually, and it throws him a bit. He stutters a ‘yeah, for sure. It’s no problem.’ And Steve goes home.
After that, it’s a little different. Steve, doesn’t actually really have anyone, anymore. When they go back to school he’s now greeting Eddie here and there in the hallways, making conversation when they find themselves alone together, in the lunch line or at the bathroom sink. He doesn’t approach Eddie when there’s too many people around, though. As much as he’s grown, Steve Harrington still carry’s some prejudice in him about how certain things may make him look. But it doesn’t bother Eddie too much. It’s not like they are really friends, they’re just like, strange acquaintances. And Steve would never deny that they get along, that really Eddie’s ‘not so bad’. So that’s a win.
Steve finds Eddie again not long after the party to buy some more weed, a plan that sparked purely out of boredom. Eddie says yes, of course, but tells him if he wants it today he will need to wait till after school and meet Eddie at his place, since he was busy. So Steve takes a trip to the Munson trailer to make his deal. Eddie invites him inside and they sit together on the couch as he gets Steve’s bag ready. They end up making quite pleasant conversation, joking around and ultimately finding they are really enjoying each other’s company. They enjoy it so much so, that Steve ends up smoking there, with Eddie. So now they are kind of like, hanging out? And it’s fun, so they do it again. Still they’re not, friends friends, they just get along. Eddie just sells Steve weed sometimes and they keep it civil.
He doesn’t hear from Steve for a while, and the next time he sees him it’s from a distance, in passing. The man has the most roughed up face Eddie has ever seen, bruised and swollen in multiple areas, stitches and bandages all over. It’s really, concerning? completely metal, but alarming. This is the second time Eddie has seen the guy all beaten up like that. He knew that boys fight, but surely not that bad? As worried as he was, Eddie doesn’t approach him to ask questions, because they don’t know eachother like that. So he goes on about his day, and he doesn’t see Steve again after that for quite some time.
Then it’s summer, Eddie isn’t graduating again, and he’s not really sure what to do with himself over the break. The new mall has just opened up, and there’s a cool music store up on the second floor that he likes to visit sometimes with his band friends. And wouldn’t you know, working at the Scoops Ahoy located directly across from his favourite store, is Steve Harrington. The guy hasn’t come to Eddie for any weed since last year, and then there was that sighting where he looked like he’d just fallen face first into a flying fist or two, so it’s been a minute since Eddie’s seen him. And he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a nice surprise. He only goes into scoops once. He’s curious, okay? Sue him. And, he knows the girl who works with him, Robin. So he plays it off like he had no idea he’d see Steve there. And to his surprise, Steve actually acknowledges him. He doesn’t act like Eddie is a total stranger just because they’re not in school anymore. The interaction is quick, they make very casual conversation, Eddie says hi to Robin, grabs his milkshake and goes home. That’s all. He doesn’t go back, and he doesn’t really plan to. Steve’s nice, and he knows Eddie’s around if he needs to buy from him again, and that’s really as far as their relationship goes. That’s all it ever was. It’s been fun getting to know Steve Harrington a little bit better, even if it was just for a short time. Eddie liked having the chance to see in past the quaffed hair and pressed polo shirts to learn that Steve was really just a person under it all. He never thought he’d say it, but Harrington wasn’t so bad. It was a nice little eye opening experience for Eddie.
Eddie was ready to write off his little blips of interaction with Steve Harrington as a thing of the past, no hard feelings, and move on with his life. That is, until he gets a knock at his front door in the middle of the night afew days after the big mall fire. And it’s Steve on the other side. And he looks awful, his face is the worst Eddie’s ever seen it. And he wasn’t really knocking, more like pounding. He says he needs Eddie’s help.
What the fuck?
#and then he#he asks eddie for help getting really strong drugs oit of your system#and if he knows if there’s anything out there that can have long lasting affects on your system#and if he can please have some weed too actually so he can sleep because maybe that will help#because please give me more paranoid steve not just moving on right away from being fuckinh drugged non consensually !!!#i need to see season 3 steve going to eddie for help after the russians because he doesn’t know anywhere else#and eddie is just like what the actual fuck is this man on about ????#what the hell goes on in the harrington household that causes him to get a black eye annually#and now be rambling about getting drugged????#eddie getting so curious about what is actually going on with him#ugh#anyways might write this proper oooh what do we think#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie#robin buckley#st3#stranger things 2#stranger things 3#steve and eddie#steddie fic#steddie au
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#vampire hunter d#vhd#art#D the horseman of death (〃‿〃♡)#Hello Hello I hope you're all doing well 🥹🥹#Sorry that I only draw D haha I can't help it (❀ •̀ᴗ•́ )♡#I started Tyrant Stars recently and I finished gold fiend about a week ago?#Honestly I miss the stories where D would stay in one town in the entire story and be a little detective#since pale fallen angel it's been a lot of traveling ....🥲#and it will never not be funny to me that D has pockets full of dirt 😭 D take a shower man.... or wash your clothes please💀#2 versions because as much as I like white hair D he looks like alucard here because of the gold accents ( •_•)#I've never actually watched or played any of his games idk it does interest me? but not enough to sit down and watch it yet#I wanted to experiment with a black out style ( I tried incorporating red but I got too annoyed.#I intend to render it at some point!#so it might end up looking completely different#well...If I get myself to complete this and I like how it looks in the end I think I might make a little bookmark out of it for myself (〃‿〃#I think it would be neat...#....you see me drawing poppies a lot forgive me 💀They're just my favorite flowers💀 The symbolism works out for this drawing....
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TWST PARENTS! Leech, Draconia and Kingscholar!!
First of all, I must warn you that these designs may change in the future, either because the game presented us with the official designs, or just because I really wanted to change... Or I could reuse these designs for these characters! Given that warning...
Guys, gals, and non-binary pals. I present to you, the Leech, Draconia, and Kingscholar families!
Mr and Mrs Leech attract as much attention as their children, who at first may give off a friendly and calm image... But, they are Floyd and Jade's parents, and they are certainly hiding some things. They are an extremely passionate couple, much to the misfortune of their children (who would rather be anywhere else than witnessing their parents exchanging vows of love). Floyd and his mother have very similar personalities, of course Mrs. Leech knows how to mask her real feelings better than her son. And Jade grew up having a similar personality to his father, who knows very well how to get what he wants and who to manipulate to achieve his goals.
Lady Maleficia, certainly a mysterious and emblematic figure who rarely appears publicly these days… Maybe this has something to do with Meleanor's death? She doesn't seem to make contact with anyone other than Malleus or Lilia (with whom she has a complicated relationship) and the Briar Valley Senators.
King and Queen Kingscholar The royal family has many interesting stories, especially when it comes to the youth of the king and queen and their little adventures before they had their children, Falena and Leona Kingscholar. The king is described by many as a kind leader, but who also tends to be strict… In order to maintain peace in the kingdom. The queen has always been described as a determined and courageous woman. Before being crowned queen, she was part of the royal guard and was considered one of the most powerful warriors in the kingdom. Due to his father's illness, Falena had many responsibilities imposed on him from a very early age, and he often felt insecure and uncertain about his decisions… The good thing is that he often had his mother by his side to help and support him in difficult times. Leona has always been more attached to his mother.
WELL…. IT WAS QUITE A LOT.
And I'm still going to draw pictures of other members of the TWST families, so please bear with me a little… I'm going as fast as I can! I still have some ideas I want to explore with these characters, so maybe you'll see them more often!
I hope you like them!… And as always, share any headcanons you have, I always have fun reading them~
#!kah art#twst#twisted wonderland#twst parents#twisted wonderland fanart#jade leech#twst jade#floyd leech#twst floyd#malleus draconia#twst malleus#maleficia draconia#twst maleficia#leona kingscholar#twst leona#falena kingscholar#twst falena#My GOD#that was a lot#MAN I HAVE SO MANY HEADCANONS FOR THEM#Leona's father is like: i love a kind of woman that will actually just kill me#floyd and jade parents are like gomez and morticia and i love them for that#yes leona is a mama's boy#but also floyd#maleficia is still in mourning#maleficia draconia please help us your grandson is NOT FINE#Falena will still gain special attention in the future#I still want to improve his design since the focus was on his parents and not Falena himself
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and then we unceremoniously get shoved into a closet for 7 mins after the game (😳)
(based on this)
#lust!sans#self insert#mblue art#god what i would do for him to look at me like that- full on yearning and stuff oh my gog you guys#PLEASE holy crud i made him look so sans in here im going two die actually?!!?!? 💘 💘 💘#(/insert one of those heart memes/ GAAAAH HE'S SO HANDSOMMME HELP MEEE)#7mins in heaven? hell yeah it better be dawg i'll do whatever he wants-💥#campus au#lm#lm route
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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sugar daddy Bakugo is so funny b/c if he's paying your tuition he's getting mad if you don't go to class
#bakugo#he asks to go out one night and ur like#'i have class ill just skip tho' and he's like. um. actually i don't wanna go out anymore that night lets try saturday#UR SO SEE THROUGH SIR#u tell him u caught a cold and missed two days and he's asking what assignments you missed#you dont want his help bc he's mean but he's trying to help LMFAOOO#this is so funny to me#anyway i was hecka late to class and when i woke up (slept thru my alarm) i texted my friend if it was still worth it to go#and she was just 'yes' GIRL PLEASE#but she bought me starbucks so i forgive her#anyway#good morning !#shii posts#gen
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THEY ARE SO INSUFFERABLE AND HORRIFIC AND AWFUL BUT SO AMAZING AND DORKY AND THIS PART IS SO UNFAIRLY FUNNY AND CUTE AND WHOLESOME-- PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE MORE SCREENTIME IN S2. PLEASE LET THEM TAKE OVER THE SHOW. I KNOW THEY'RE HORRIBLE PEOPLE BUT I NEED MORE OF THE VEES.
And the most important scene of them all (to me):
First of all, how is Vox doing that. Second, you just know that these two douchebags are going to bang so hard with Alastor getting his ass kicked replaying in the background after this. I hate them so much.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin hotel valentino#hazbin hotel velvette#hazbin hotel vees#voxval#staticmoth#all their scenes in this episode were so freaking good holy shit#all their scenes in show are great actually#like-- oh my god#they are so much fun to have around#vox was literally me the entire time (minus the alastor hating)#and their evil little happy celebrating at the end was so cute it's unreal#i wanted the vees to sing together at some point and i'm so happy it was delivered vox and val sound fantastic together#and that sneaky staticmoth kiss at the end YES YES YES YEEESS#i love everyone in this show (except adam) but the vees are just built different#with adam dead can they please appear more? please? i need more of these disgusting assholes committing disgusting crimes and gay wrongs#''the future of hell belongs to the vees'' is a sentiment i can and will get behind please take over#i just finished the season finale and it gave me the dopamine rush i really needed today i'm so happy AAHHHHHH#i can't stop rewatching this scene someone please help me i can't escape their clutches i've been here for hours please#ok i'm clogging these tags so i'm stopping here but AAGHHHBKFGXGGGBB#anyways good night
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took too long to crosspost all my xb1 x xb3 ortiz/shiora extended family content and now i just have a giant compilation for you all. if its not already observable the family tree i imagine in my head here is as follows:
thanks that's all
#xenoblade chronicles#shulk#nikol#noah#crys#fiora#ashera#dunban#sorry if this is cringe to the viewers.#oh and if you can help it please try not to tag this with some form of 'well i actually think that theyre related in THIS way instead'#i already drew it. what do you want me to do.#sorry i get some variation of that literally every time i post about this au LOL#gio arts#also i like to interpret noah as the literal black sheep of the family#hence his hair. its so cute to me.#all parents say that they dont have a favorite when they actually do and shulk and fiora are no exception to this#so i think nikol is shulk's favorite and noah is fiora's favorite (she calls him lucky noah)#crys is fine though he's his uncle dunban's favorite ^_^ ashera stresses dunban out too much for her to be his fav LOL
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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sillies under the cut
#first time i actually like a melinda drawing i made??#oh my god???#tried out a this brush i never use but like damn........ its SO good#also sorry if i forgot to change the asks thing but requests are closed 🧍♀️#my obsession with drawing my irl crush only got WORSE i now have 4 fucking double pages dedicated to him. please help me#aint helping that his mom is an absolute sweetheart and we get along super well#even tho we only met TWICE#and the fact that he indirectly called me SMART#nah i'm pathetic#spy x family fanart#spy x family#fanart#my art#melinda desmond#demetrius desmond#demitrius desmond#damian desmond#sxf#sxf fanart
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I hate it when people don’t take aromanticism seriously. I hate it when they say “oh it’s just a phase I also thought I was aromantic but then I got a partner.” It doesn’t apply to everyone.
Respect aromanticism as you would respect any other identity
#aromanticism#aro#aromantic#arospec#aromantism#aro pride#there’s this girl who’s flirting with me and me being on the aro spectrum idk whether I like her that way#my friend is being super nice and helpful#however he doesn’t eben consider the possibility of me not liking her. he wants me to get a girlfriend.#he genuinely wants what he thinks is best for me based on his own experiences but#we’re not the same person#he thought he was aromantic but then he got a girlfriend so he figured he was heterosexual demiromantic#and good for him!#but I’m like also on the auto spectrum like him but I cannot tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings#he’s trying his best but he doesn’t see not feeling love as a possibility#I wanna cry please I want to know if I actually like this girl and what to do if I don’t#I’m so fucking scared that I’m just overreacting and I’m reading too much into it#maybe I just want to be someone’s favorite person in a platonic way and I can’t distinguish it from romantic feelings#I hate this whole situation
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art block 🕳️ 🚶🏽♀️
(damn click if you wanna see clear ig)
#utmv#bad sanses#undertale#messy page after messy page#ut au#sans aus#undertale aus#nightmare sans#killer sans#cross sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder sans#dreamtale#horrortale#dusttale#xtale#underverse#something new au#gross art block coloring i swear it helps somehow#like 20 pages like this rn#save me bad sanses save me#side eyeing my actual projects#please excuse the anatomy i can’t be bothered 🥹#traditional art#my art ig
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