#like absolute fucking goblin-mode

[unfitfordisplay]

"This next song goes out to everyone that I fucking hate!"

[spirithunterschoolwarpriestfan]

“In the name of Mike Mako, and all that is wet and wild, I punish you for eternity!!! JOHNNY TSUNAMI!!! ”

[mossy-rock-in-a-field]

Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.

Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:

She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.

She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.

Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.

She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.

She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.

She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.

We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)

She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)

She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.

She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.

I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.

anyway shout out to my mom for being neat

Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5

[ponett]

it’s kind of ridiculous how much we like gimmick blogs here whereas gimmick accounts seem to be Tolerated at best on Twitter and other sites?

Depends on how you define "gimmick account," I guess. There used to be a lot more automated gimmick accounts on Twitter that were well liked, things like bots that would tweet out random quotes from a TV show every hour or tiny_star_field that would post random arrangements of unicode characters that would look like a starry sky on dark mode, before changes to the Twitter API under Elon killed most of them. (Though we still have things like the Every Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul Frame In Order account here and there.)

As far as other gimmick accounts go, though, I feel like the environment is just very different, especially today. To me at least, your Animals Going Goblin Modes and your ____ With Threatening Auras and whatnot often feel very cynical on Twitter. The exposed follower counts combined with the blue checks that boost them in the algorithm and allow them to earn ad revenue off their tweets make them feel like a grift. Just people reposting unsourced content en masse to game the algorithm, gain a ton of followers, and make a quick buck. The absolute worst is when these people straight up just sell their popular accounts to scammers or advertising vibrators or whatever.

You don't get any of that on Tumblr. Nobody can see your follower count. Nobody's approaching you for product placement deals. You aren't making a fucking cent off of your gimmick blog in 2024. You have to be in it for the love of the game.

[heytherecentaurs]

***Spoilers for Vanessa 5000***

- It is so so so fucking good!

- “I want to doink you like a dinosaur”

- She is giving off real Lady Gaga vibes

- I need Courtney Pauroso and Caldwell Tanner to talk in robot voices at each other. (Context: Caldwell also has an amazing robot voice)

- the stepmom roleplay was ridiculous

- Courtney Pauroso is so talented and funny. Vanessa 5000 is an incredible commentary on the intersection of tech and sex and an amazing performance. Also a great warning against agreeing to terms and conditions without reading the fine print. She is a brilliant performer and also I liked when she showed her butt.

- I think this is one of the most unique things I’ve ever seen on tv. It reminds me of the crazy shit we used to do when I taught drama.

- The added detail that Tanya is 18 after the fact is hilarious and a mean trick.

- Ted Kaczynski references were WILD

- I was not expecting her to hold a disk with her butt. This is the kind of quality content you only get with a subscription

- Just absolutely remarkable object work throughout

- This show feels like it was made for tumblr

- what’s wrong with me that I think goblin mode is hotter?

- “I’m gonna lick your teeth” and then she SPAT IN HIS MOUTH!!! What the fuck!?

- I felt drunk by the end of that part

- I knew the turn was coming because after the heights of goblin mode you have to have this beat that changes things. But the turn wasn’t what I expected.

- showing up with a face of blood and it dripping down her front is so cool. I love women covered in blood tho.

- this is so entirely my shit it’s hard to express how much I love it. I guess, if I were gonna express it concisely, I’d sum it up this way:

- I wanna doink you like a dinosaur

[onmyyan]

Gabe NSFW ABC'S

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

High fives and bear hugs, Gabe's skin may feel hot to the touch but he still demands to feel you in some way‼️ it's a need not a want to feel his baby against his chest, no matter the sweat covering you both or the fact that his brain is still melted from cumming as hard as he did, be it a hand on your stomach or his entire body draped across you like a blanket, he's on you in some way shape or form.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His arms, biceps specifically. He works so hard on himself and to him they show how strong and capable he is, how he has the power to protect what matters to him, as for you darling, our boy's a sucker for your thighs, if the endless amounts of hickeys on them didn't tell you that, the way he buries his face in them so giddily sure does.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves a good creampie don't get me wrong but there's something about seeing your perfect form covered in his cum that scratches this primal caveman need of his, he's especially fond of licking you clean afterwards.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Panty sniffer. And he's an absolute fiend about it, obsessed with your natural scent, so much so you periodically lose underwear throughout your relationship because he fucks himself silly, huffing the drenched fabric with a blissed out grin, and ends up ruining them beyond repair, y'all are in this endless cycle of him stealing your underwear, ruining it with his cum, and buying you more.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He has more experience than Caspian but less than Marcos, somewhere in the middle, he's incredibly observant and isn't afraid to ask if he's doing good, if you want this or that, he's attentive.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy, but the kind where he's pressed flush against your back, one strong arm wrapped tightly around your center, pressing him against you like he's trying to make you as close as physically possible, he gets to touch you, fuck into you as hard as he wants, and grunt all his praises directly in your ear.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Unintentionally goofy, he can get pretty clumsy when he's excited so it's almost guaranteed he's gonna knock into something or get trapped in his shirt in his and he's rushing to get to you, which always makes you both giggly, it creates this bubble of warmth and safety.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

His happy trail is prominent, a dark reddish hue showing his natural hair color, fun fact, he thinks he looks hot because of it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Extremely intimate, hands interlocked, searing eye contact, that is when his eyes aren't fluttering shut, that blissful little grin on his face, you can feel his love for you with every tender and heated touch, likes to rest his forehead on yours when he has you facing him, long, sloppy kisses, he stares at you with so much adoration, but also like he wants to completely devour you, it's lovely.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He was bad before y'all got together but now?? His libido is so easily set off by anything and everything you do, you could send him a sweet selfie of yourself at work or school and if he looks at your smile or gorgeous face for a second too long he will get hard, and he will have to cum or his brain is stuck in feral horny goblin mode until he sees you next.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Daddy kink, Size kink, Predator and Prey, Blood kink, Overstimulation, Public kink, and fun fact, if you feeling froggy and call him Daddy in public you will be getting pulled by your neck into the nearest dark corner and he will be rearranging your guts promptly.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He really likes the freedom and security of destroying you in your guy's home because he has full range to ruin you to his hearts content, he doesn't need to rush, he can make you cum over and over and over, however he is partial to some good ol fashioned nasty-window-fogging car sex.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Literally anything you do, good LORD he's down horrendously, but if you really wanna drive him crazy just ask for his help. Can't reach something? He'll get it for you for, sure, just be ready to feel his dick digging into your back when he reaches over you to grab it. Need him to open something? No problem, just hop on the counter real quick, yeah no it's nothing it's just his dick is jumping in his sweatpants because you said please when you asked him and now he has to fuck you against the nearest available surface.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He can't even conceptualize sharing you with someone in ANYWAY his eye will twitch at the mere echo of the thought.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

You're his favorite meal and he's always hungry. If he could live off your cunt he would, he ain't stopping till you yank him away and even then, that only encourages him to bury his tongue that much deeper.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fucks like a beast, even if he tries to go slow eventually his higher functions turn off and all he can do is pound away, very much the type to break the bed, make sure you're okay, and keep pumping into you like nothing happened, leaves you feeling sore in the best ways.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If you're down he's down, anywhere anytime, especially if there's a chance you'll get caught, he knows he's the most dangerous person in the room and if someone catches you he wishes a mf would try to interrupt or make you feel any kind of bad about it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Absolutely, he's down to try anything once, especially if you suggest it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

3-5 depending on your energy, he can go all night if he's really pent up, he just can't get enough.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't own any but he really really wants to use a vibrator on you while he's deep in your guts, any way he can turn your brain into a puddle he's game.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Huge fuckin tease, but also terrible at it lmao?? Because you never have to ask twice, at most you get a delayed yes 💀🤚🏼

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's made the neighbors call the police several times, they just stop coming to y'all's house at some point. He's very vocal, lots of grunts and growls, moans of your name, likes to growl out all the filthy things he's about to do, and the way he says it, it's said like a promise.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Randomly feels subby, once in a blue moon this Daddy Dom needs to be babied and suck on a titty or two for a good few hours, he still fucks like a menace in this state, and despite the role switching, he's somehow even more intense when he's feeling needy.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

7.5 inches and meanly thick, he has to make you cum at least once before he puts it in, because that stretch is a monster, in the best ways.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Horndog central over here. He has a high drive and it's only ever amplified by his intense, obsessive love for you, very down to go to pound town, anytime.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on how much y'all have been fuckin tbh, if it's one of those days where he's been going at you for hours on hours, he's pretty much out seconds after he makes sure you're okay, dw when he wakes up again for real the aftercare is immaculate and loving.

[fangfic]

Tw: noncon, unconsciousness, werewolf

Inspired by a very stupid ad for a gay hook up site I keep seeing.

Imagine there is a hookup app that bans you if you don't hookup. Basically whoever likes your profile back you have to fuck. It sounds stupid and dumb at first but since your mind goes goblin mode whenever you're horny you dare to sign up.

In a matter of seconds you find someone interesting and they like you back. Instantly without even giving permission your location is shared and you can see on the map that your hookup is moving.

As you've both liked each other you get access to the previously blurred photos of your date.

Fuck, the guy has a ginormous werewolf knot, that's never gonna fit. You spend minutes staring at his pics in awe untill you hear him knocking on your door.

Suddenly your phone tells you to scan their qr code within a minute or you're gonna be banned and not refunded.

You run towards the door and open it, only to be forced back into your home by the guy, hungrily invading your mouth with his tongue and grabbing your ass.

He grabs your phone to scan the code and throws his and your phone on the couch as he carries you towards the bedroom.

You try to bring in some words, you don't even know his name but it's no use as he rips your pants off and unbuckles his while kissing you.

Once thrown on the bed you can feel the heat of his leaking knot on your stomach, it doesn't take long for him to line up his knot with your slutty fuckhole.

He enters without a warning and forces his knot deep inside you, something in your mind turns off and even though it hurts you already know this won't be the last time you'll have this magnificent cock stir up your insides.

He barely gives you time to breathe let alone speak and you moan into his mouth as he abuses your hole like you're a lifeless object.

As he absolutely ravishes your hole, sliding you up and down his massive rod you start to black out a little and the last thing you remember is him moaning as he fills you up load after load.

The next morning you wake up with a salty taste in your mouth and your hole hurting like hell. You find your phone next to you with a couple of video files ready to be downloaded and a heart ❤️ emoji.

"same time next week? I loved fucking your throat when you were out"

Before you can even reply a new match shows up, fuck if only you had been careful about who to like...

-

Read my longer stories for free on FangFic dot com where you can also find my ebook if you'd like to support me. 🖤

[dustykneed]

for context: star trek into darkness (specifically, my take on the implications of bones doing what he had to do and the emotional fallout of those missing scenes) (not that ive seen it!! but ive read enough fic to know the gist of it LMAO) (can you believe this started as an impulse draw to see if i could use pastels to convey heavy emotions and now im writing a very very long headcanon in my notes app.)

...

Leonard goes and he plays god, and injects Jim with that godforsaken blood, and then there is nothing left to do but wait.

He sinks into the chair at his desk, and steeples his fingers together. It occurs to him that these circumstances are the sort that would drive any religious man to bow his head and clasp his hands together, like so, and pray.

--but he is a doctor, and he has never been religious, and he has a duty to do, and he has broken his oath, and there is blood on his hands and flecking his shirt.

Leonard sits very still at his desk and weeps, and he does not pray.

...

sorry to all of y'all who had to find out i was an angst goblin this way <///3 but basically the hc/rough fic is an extension of the angst potential of that one scene where jim wakes up and fixates on spock (and his lack of response towards bones is never addressed afterwards i think? not sure but it's an interesting premise imo)

brief summary: bones never gets closure from jim after he wakes up because jim and spock get together immediately after and it just slips their minds, so bones is stuck in "oh god jim's dying" mode and feels absolutely terrible, but the bridge crew helps a bit by being there for him to hang out with, but still bones does overwork while trying to work through the sense of wrongness of not being able to have his emotional needs met after the whole jim dying fiasco and feeling like his best friend has forgotten him. he admittedly makes good progress (by which i mean he's able to take really big overwhelming feelings and put them away well enough in his daily life to function relatively normally) but the crushing grief is always in the background. about a month or so after spirk gets together, spock accidentally brushes bones' arm and is absolutely slammed by a wave of unexpected exhaustion and emotional pain and is like ??????!!!????????? long story short he drags bones to jim and bones cries for the first time since jim "died" and it is immensely cathartic and then jim blurts out a confession because he has horrible timing and asks bones to join him and spock and obviously bones cries harder and spock is about to smack jim upside the head lmao (bones says its way too much to process and he needs time but hes not exactly opposed, and they all start spending more time together, and then eventually bones is like fuck it and asks for a kiss and they finally get together !!!!!!)

as a treat for reading all of my mildly insane word vomit y'all get a soft bittersweet aos mcspirk scribble<33

gotta love aos jim's majestic eyebrows and aos spock's general sort of >:[ expression!! really growin on me tbh

[gravehags]

ghouls/ghoulettes with ghoul bicycle reader in a sundress (nsfw)

because you know they'd be feral about it

dewdrop - big fan of the drive-by ass smack but when he sees reader bent over with the hem of her dress riding up her thighs he goes fucking turbo. i'm talking biting the lip, deep breath, slap her ass so hard he sends her falling forward and cussing, not knowing what hit her. hurricane dewdrop, if you will. when her head whips around as she's on her knees on the floor, looking for the culprit, he stands above her sliding a hand in her hair and showing her exactly who did it and what she does to him. she might use a little more teeth when she slides her lips over him than she normally would as revenge but that's part of the fun, right?

mountain - tries so very hard to be respectful but when he sees how plump and bitable her exposed legs look it makes him a little wild. definitely corners her when they're alone and cages her in (he knows she goes crazy for it) his hand trailing along the hemline and up to the juncture of her thighs. he growls as reader blinks up at him with those wide not-so-innocent eyes, hauling her up and wrapping her legs around his waist. practically fucks her through the wall with the force of his thrusts, so desperate is he to watch her fall apart speared on his cock while looking so pretty.

swiss - will creep up behind her and full on grope her with both hands so ferociously she falls backwards into his grasp. he just stands there with palmfuls of reader, kneading her ass with a shit-eating grin as she looks up at him bewildered. he's got that look - the one reader knows all too well - and she grins back, pushing off him and taking him by the hand to his room. the dress comes off...eventually...but not before he stretches out on the bed and watches reader bounce on his cock, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

cumulus - loves to see reader feeling confident so when she shows up in the kitchen one morning with a short little floral sundress, cumulus is absolutely beaming. doesn't mean she's not horny about it though and she lets reader know by pushing her firmly against the counter, slotting a thigh between her legs so she can watch the dress ride up and expose more of her. cumulus mouths at her bare collarbone, telling her about all the ways she intends on having her that day. reader loses count of how many way cumulus makes her cum in different places throughout the den, content to be fucked dumb by the air ghoulette.

cirrus - does a double take when she sees reader in the hallway looking so pretty in a cute little dress and when she passes her grabs her by the arm to pull her back to cirrus' front. cirrus gets filthy with it, grinding against her ass, holding her close by a splayed palm on her lower belly that slowly slides further south. hits her with a few choice pet names and promises as she digs the heel of her palm into the heat of her, delighting as reader molds her body to her touch. when reader's little whines drive her to the edge of her patience, she bends down and hauls her over her shoulder to her room. she intends on showing reader exactly what pretty girls deserve.

sunshine - two words: goblin mode. catches reader outside one day wandering the orchards and pounces on her, pinning her to a tree trunk. giggles uncontrollably as she peppers reader's face with kisses and falls to her knees in front of her, pushing the dress up and mouthing at her clothed cunt. she's proud of being able to get her off with the underwear still separating them, and drags her down to the grass to see how many more she can get. if any siblings on the grounds hear her high-pitched moans, they know better than to seek out the source and face sunshine's wrath.

aurora - will eye her all day, quietly admiring the view and waiting for the perfect opportunity. when she catches reader alone in a chapel at the end of the day, golden hour filtering in through the stained glass, she pushes her against the wall and grins at her all sharp and predatory. aurora wastes no time sliding her fingers in the skimpy underwear reader wears, kissing her soundly as she toys with her clit. when reader cums (for the first time that evening) her moans and whimpers are pushed into aurora's mouth, their tongues sliding against one another.

aether - big sexy seeing reader in a pretty little dress is enough to send him into his rut if he isn't already in it. stalks her around the abbey all day just to catch a glimpse of her and the way the dress moves with the sway of her hips. when he finally can't take anymore torture he comes up behind her, pressing his hard cock into the curve of her ass. she throws a little grin behind her and asks if he intends to do anything with it and oh does he. he likes her bent over and tells her not to strip - he wants to corrupt this sweet little thing just as she is. reader is more than happy to play along.

rain - he wants to draw her, compose songs in her honor, worship at her altar when she walks into the living room the first warm day of the year wearing a sweet little dress. but he'll settle for pulling her down into his lap to straddle him as she giggles and pretends to fight him off. her hips start making tight little circles over him and his mind goes fuzzy, jaw hanging open as she takes control and sucks at his neck. dew walking in on her riding his cock only makes him more wild and when the fire ghoul saunters over to grip her by the hair and tilt her head back for a messy kiss? rain comes undone

phantom - sweet bug is floored the first time he sees her in a sundress. she looks so pretty and perfect and soft and...he's immediately hard. he knows he can't have her yet so instead he edges himself all day, palming his cock through his pants whenever he gets a private moment, whimpering her name. he's distraught when he's gone too long without seeing her and retreats to his room to find relief. but - what do you know. she's waiting for him on the bed in that pretty little dress, ankles crossed and smiling at him. he doesn't last long, not with her looking like that, but she doesn't mind. he's got plenty of opportunities to make it up to her.

[aethismantis]

I went full traditional mode with this one.///

You can be happy for me; I’m super pleased with how it turned out In the picture is my bronze queen, the mechagnome Ritki Krutovertka. She’s tearing it up on a rye-colored mechacycle, partnered with an awesome goblin (maybe I’ll share about her later), and she’s an absolute blast to play. She’s emotionless, but still manages humor and even uses cutesy nicknames for her clients, all related to robotics.

"Hello, springy, little wrench, diode~~ Over and out."

What clients, you ask? Oh, didn’t I mention? She engineers sex toys.

The surname "Крутовёртка" can be literally translated as "Screwdriver" or "Twister." It's derived from the Russian word "крутить," which means "to twist" or "to screw." So "Крутовёртка" could be interpreted as something like "Twist-Turner" or "Screwdriver." It`s also sound a lot like the Cool Twist, or something like this. So. double meaning there. She's cool as fuck ahahha

[beaudoesart]

TordEdd drawings! 🫴✨❤️💚✨

Tord lore lol:

Tord's ears get pointy whenever she's hungry or mad.

She's a freaking gremlin and a cat. She loves laying on Edd's lap like a cat. When she turns bat she looks like a lil gremlin. Edd loves it so much.

He lets her sit on his shoulder whenever she's a lil bat. She'll either fall asleep or just chill with Edd. She can't speak whenever she's in bat mode, so she can only communicate by squeaking. Edd absolutely loves it when she tries to speak when she's a bat!

Tord can go about 2 weeks without eating/taking someones blood. She sometimes doesn't want to eat. She'll go about a month without eating before she starts to lose control and go blood thirsty. Her eyes begin to turn red whenever she hasn't eaten in a while.

She'll sometimes make her eyes turn red to look more intimidating. Mostly when she wants to stay with Edd. It sometimes works.

Edd takes good care of his lil bat baby. He'll either hold her, put her in his pocket, or on his head or shoulders. Or... She'll put herself in his pocket. It's warm, safe, dark, and cozy in his pocket.

She sleeps a lot during the day, obv, so sometimes Edd will take naps with her. She gets upset whenever he doesn't sleep with her. Not really upset, more like a whiny kid.

BRO!! Why this lil guy so smug looking!! 🤣🫴✨❤️✨

I just saw this one and thought it'd be funny to make Tord look like a lil goblin bat! THESE GUYS ARE SO FUCKING SMALL!!! 😭😭💖💖

This is cannon!! Tord is a lil Kitti's Hog nosed bat!! 😭🫴✨❤️✨

Gonna draw the others tomorrow, and gib more Edd stuffs as well ^^

[bettsfic]

it took 140 hours, but i finally finished my first playthrough of baldur's gate 3. overall i'm insane about it but there are a few things that really pissed me off. my (many) thoughts in no particular order under the cut.

i forced myself to play the full game totally vanilla, no mods even though i'm so bad at games i usually need cheats to make it to the end. not to mention i've hated inventory management in every game i've ever played (except genshin. love u, hyv). but i was patient, and i played on explorer mode, and i savescummed the hell out of it (hence 140 hours). but as SOON as i finished the epilogue, i turned around and installed 30 mods, most of which are QoL things that shouldn't even need to be modded (vertical camera pitch, WASD option, stackable items, sortable inventory, highlight ALL interactable objects).

i decided i wanted to play both a Dark Urge playthrough and an I'm Just Ken playthrough, but after making two new characters and, through my endless youtube diving, accidentally getting spoiled on what i think is the major durge reveal, i decided simply to make Ken the Dark Urge.

every other minute he goes, "Hi! I'm Ken," and then thinks about murder. it's great.

obvs he's going to romance Shadowheart (although i may download the poly mod and romance everyone).

MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

here are my Thoughts, in no particular order, because i don't know where else to put them:

i didn't enjoy romancing Astarion as much as i thought i would, because i came to see him less as a romantic interest and ended up identifying with him more than my Tav. that said, i'm very excited to do Astarion's origin playthrough

i ended up enjoying my Halsin romance more, because it was a more traditional slowburn, and Halsin's quest was totally external conflict. on one hand, that made me less interested in him as a character overall; on the other, it was SO SATISFYING to find out he had been Pining for me the whole time. sometimes i just need a little bodice-ripper content, as a treat

obviously i'm also into Astarion/Halsin and Astarion/Halsin/Tav

however the only viable fic idea i have is Astarion/Shadowheart? i blame this fanvid

no, really, what was so different about Early Access that OP got this much Astarion/Shadowheart material? the description in the video says they were disappointed by how their dynamic had changed for full release

okay, time or my biggest beef:

Haarlep pissed me off almost enough to stop playing the game. not in a purity way, but in a "this is just bad writing" way

i mean, your options are to kill him or fuck him. that's not consent. and when you agree to fuck him, you have to roll several checks to keep him from killing you. then he steals your likeness so that whenever he has sex with someone else, you have a spontaneous orgasm

i wanted to dismiss it as dead dove, but the point of dead dove is that 1) it is labeled, and there was no indication whatsoever i was about to walk into this, and 2) dead dove implies the creator is aware that the content is filth for filth's sake. i saw no evidence that that quest was anything more than the sniffing panties buff of D:OS2

the sadist in the goblin camp? that's good filth. you have a little public BDSM demo that you can easily nope out of, and if you finish it you get a permanent buff. your companions have fun things to say. and there's no major quest attached to it, so you can completely walk past it. and the Drow twins were the same. and Mizora. just horny content for players who enjoy that kind of thing, and easily disregarded for players who don't. i don't understand why Haarlep had to be different

like, you're looking around for the hammer. you come across Haarlep, who is bored and wants to have fun with you. maybe he offers the promise of a buff that will help in the coming battle with the Absolute. if your romanced character is in the party, you have a dialogue option to talk to them about it first. maybe in parting, he gives you a hint about where to find the hammer, and it's in a completely different room

but no, you *have* to interact with him to advance the quest, can't talk your way out of it, and it leaves you with a skeevy pseudo-debuff

when i went to look it up, i saw so many forum posts of people being like, hmm this made me really uncomfortable, and (presumably) men responding, it was consensual! you have the option to kill him! and it's frightening that so many people think that way

also when you have a female Tav and you choose a male Haarlep, the animation doesn't change to account for the position. Haarlep straddles you the whole time. and that just made me interpret the scene as a male succubus rape fantasy

and your companions have to WATCH. and they don't intervene or even say anything about it. if you've romanced Astarion and he's in your party, you get one point of disapproval and that's it. like he wouldn't have an Opinion over that kind of coercion? i saw some youtube videos and know that he says something about it much later when you spontaneously orgasm, but that's it

i hope there's something i'm missing, and someone will come into my ask and go "ummm actually" and tell me some important factoid of game development that will make me interpret the scene differently

i ended up resetting and just not doing the House of Hope questline. i didn't bother with the hammer, either. honestly the whole Githyanki plot confused me and i was more invested in my conflict with the Emperor. i ended up siding with him and killing Orpheus so that no one would have to turn into a mindflayer. i was expecting to have to persuade him out of taking the crown himself, but he just noped off for some reason

this is another thing i wonder if i missed. i never understood his motivations or goals beyond "protect you" and "manipulate you." so he's Balduran and he killed his dragon and...what else? to what end? it would have been more satisfying to me if he planned to take the crown for himself but decides not to because of the bond he's forged with you. but maybe i can interpret it that way anyway

yes i fucked the Emperor

but i fucked him in Guardian form

like a COWARD

i was very torn about all the characters' final decisions. in the end, i kept Jenheart and spawn Astarion. i let Wyll and Karlach choose for themselves (and loved their ending together). i couldn't prioritize Gale or Lae'zel this playthrough because i was focused on too many other things, and i got their bad endings (although i ended on good terms with Lae'zel despite killing Orpheus?)

i played as a beast master ranger (i mained a beast master hunter in WoW for years) and i've seen in several places on the internet that it's supposedly the worst subclass, but let me tell you...

the bird companion. nobody is talking about the bird companion. by the end, it has two actions, the ability to blind, and your bird can call in two more birds. you can have a total of FOUR BIRDS

the red dragon in the final battle? couldn't do shit. it spent the entire time blinded by my bird. nearly everyone on the battlefield was dead by the end, but my bird still had over 50% of its HP. the bird is BROKEN

in my I'm Just Ken playthrough, i'm going to multiclass Shadowheart into a raven girl. the birds spoiled me and i can't imagine playing without them now

it's weird to me that there's penis physics but no boob physics. did anyone else notice that? you wiggle the male avatar and the dick moves. you wiggle the female avatar and her boobs are like rocks. even when she's lying down, the boobs stay exactly as they are

listen, i have a lot of complaints. the bugs made the game nearly unplayable for me. i know they're putting out patches fast, but i think it'll still be years before i would recommend this game to someone who is on the fence about playing it. if you're not immediately dropping everything to fuck the hot sad vampire, you might as well wait until the game is cleaner at like hotfix 856

BUT

i've never experienced anything like this game. every decision matters. every character has a story. there are so many potential paths and opportunities that it's literally impossible for the fan wiki to be completely accurate. i cried at least 4 times, and by the end, saying goodbye to Karlach, i was actually sobbing. i'm old enough now to know that these states of immersion into fictional worlds are rarer than they used to be, and i'm so grateful to this game for giving me so many hours of fun and escape

unlike books, movies, and tv, where i get invested and move on and rarely read or watch anything twice, video games are always such a learning curve for me that when i get into a game, i stay there. i have thousands of hours into Genshin and SDV, and i have a feeling BG3 will be the same. this game is so, so flawed, but it's ambitious beyond any narrative i've ever encountered, and i really admire it for that

i would love to find a Discord server for it that's not overwhelmingly huge, just the people writing fic and making art. it's been a long time since i've been involved in a fandom and i really miss it

[zibiscusloon]

Don’t ask me why I’m posting these I’ve just fallen back into a Splatoon mood and these guys entered my head again-

{Splatoon OCs}

Note- not including agents

Persephone “Sephie” Ika

-God help this dumbass she’s a hazard to herself and others-

-22 years old, female, she/her, pansexual

-She’s the most chaotic brush main on the field, who is literally only good at clam blitz (fucking somehow-)

-Ranked C- (she may be good at clam blitz but pity the poor souls on her team in any other mode)

-Has a pet Sea Bunny named Toast, or as Pushpop would call him “Devilfish”

-Found Pushpop around in between the events of Splatoon 1-2 after she accidentally stumbled upon the metro, she had no idea what this fella was saying or even acknowledged that he was trying to splat her but she quickly knew she wanted to befriend him.

-How? She gave him food. (Look that man was starved-)

-They moved in together and after a few years started dating. She’s his dumbass and he loves her.

-She’s no-contact with her parents for unspecified reasons.

-Met the Half Bait duo at one of their concerts, to which through a series of shenanigans involving some pissed off seagull, her and Pushpop befriended them (they all team up for Turf Battles)

-She will bite.

-She’s a hopeless romantic and has a large collection of romance novels.

-Collects Squid Friends (those lil inkling furbies)

“Pushpop”

-Sephie’s sanitized boyfriend

-Cynical and snide, Pushpop has little to no memory of who he was before he entered the Metro, all he knows is that he’s permanently pissed off.

-23 years old, male, he/him, bisexual

-He has a resting bitch face

-Doesn’t really get how Sephie managed to drag him into her life all those years ago but she’s his problem now and he’s come to accept this.

-The most annoying brella main you will ever meet, he has mastered the undercover brella.

-He’s a big Deep Cut fan (likes em mainly to spite Raps and Adaliah-)

-He has declared war on a literal slug (Toast; it’s a mutual hatred)

-Man has literally never lost a Splatfest, picking the same team as him tends to be a guaranteed win. (He usually doesn’t even support the actual team he picks he just goes with what he thinks’ll get him the most snails)

-Sephie is the one who gave him the name Pushpop, he doesn’t remember what his original one is so he’s let it grow on him.

-Doesn’t show it often but he is highly insecure about his zombie-like appearance. Sephie often reminds him of how beautiful she finds him.

-Him and Sephie wear promise rings.

Rakeidra “Raps” Sockeye / Bloody Mackerel

-Goblin goblin gob-

-Local fish somehow passed as a squid! More at 12!

-Raps is a Salmonling who fled her homelands near the Smokeyard to avoid attacks from Grizzco Industries (gal ain’t a fighter)

-22 years old, female, she/her, lesbian

-Salmonlings result from a genetic mutation within their eggs, they’re usually assigned as their community’s mechanics (Raps herself isn’t all that good with gadgets..)

-Can shift into a more salmonid like appearance in her swim form

-Strictly uses traditional Salmonid weaponry, her main weapon being an old rusty frying pan (its an old Sockeye family heirloom!)

-Met Adaliah by chance as they both had something to hide during their stay in Inkopolis, they both had a love for music and eventually formed their Punk Rock band: Half Bait!

-Uses the stage name Bloody Mackerel and prefers to sing in a nasally voice as she finds it more authentic!

-Developed a crush on Adaliah over the course of their friendship and eventually worked up the courage to ask them out (the entire confession was a disaster but Adaliah was so moved by this absolute idiot and agreed to date em; much to Raps’s shock)

-Relentlessly bullies Scuffle-

Adaliah Dumbo / Corpse Tide

-The other half of Half Bait, this is Corpse Tide! (Or just Adaliah-)

-22 years old, nonbinary, she/they, sapphic

-She’s a half-sanitized octoling, she came to the metro after hearing the calamari inkantation and was found by C.Q. and Tartar.

-However, unlike most unlucky octarians who came down there, they shortly began to take notice of what was going on as they went through the test sights (this however did not stop Tartar from trying to sanitize her, she managed to escape though)

-Despite the sanitization not being complete, Adaliah still has to deal with the repercussions of her new transformation

-She often feels as though her skin has begun to rot, and she has a few holes in her memory (one of their biggest fears is completely losing their memories)

-They and Pushpop might trauma dump on each other often- just a bit-

-Regular customer at Hotlantis

-Is actually insanely strong in upper arm strength, as such, they prefer more heavy weaponry (hand em a splatting and they’ll go ham on the battlefield-)

-It is not fun being on the opposing team when she’s playing ranked (they’re insanely good at finding high vantage points and will fully take advantage of their lil hiding spots, it’s the former solider in em-)

Scuffle Lukewarm

-He isn’t paid enough to deal with Raps’s and her bullshit I stg-

-This is Scuffle! He’s a jellyfish and Raps and Adaliah’s manager.

-28 years old, trans male, he/him, aroace

-This jelly has not sept a wink in the past five years. Basically living off of energy drinks and expresso.

-Raps has a bad habit of making snarky half thought out remarks to which Scuffle is the one stuck trying to be in damage control to preserve Half Bait’s reputation. He’s gonna kill her one of these days he swears-

-Met the Half Bait duo half way through their career while he worked a dead end job at MakoMart, he insisted he meant to do more then just live the life of a cashier and offered up his services as their manager.

-Had to learn how to speak some Octarian and Salmonid as surprise! He realized half way through working with em that neither Raps or Adaliah were inklings! Whoops! (So much that spending 2 years learning Inkling got him..)

-Handles finances and merch

-He really doesn’t get along with Sephie and Pushpop honestly scares him (he has to put up with em both though since they’re his bosses friends..)

-Tends to flare up in lil outbursts that take hours on end for him to cool down from.

-Tends to a kelp garden as a sort of self therapy.

Savannah “Savvy” Tropics

-Th-This is a child what are you doing here??

-The tech team for Half Bait, Savvy is a sea slug that works as Raps and Adaliah’s lil mechanic as she’s naturally gifted with gadgets.

-9 years old, female, she/her, questioning

-The sassiest lil shit to ever sassy lil shit. She’s such a damn brat-

-Met the Half Bait team after stealing profits from their merch from hacking their accounts. Raps was pretty impressed by the brats audacity that she gave her a job (much to Scuffle and Adaliah’s objection-)

-She’s a street rat orphan who didn’t really have anywhere else to go and hey, it’s a chance at money, why pass up?

-After finding out about her homeless status after the years they spent with her, Raps and Adaliah have seriously considered adopting her (they practically view her as their bratty child, they’re just waiting to see if it’s something she’d be comfortable with: spoilers, yes, yes she would-)

-Basically any time Half Bait would be on air she’d act as a moderator between Raps and Adaliah (especially during splatfest) she’d usually act as the one to introduce and represent a third team just cause she’s a menace who likes to bully her moms.

[shameboree]

ATTIC GOBLIN ?

YEAH SO when we moved in there was like this wadded up pair of pink panties in the basement that hadnt been there a few days before when we did our final walkthrough or whatever right. and then my fuzzy socks would go missing and some leggings and then our fucking FORKS which were DISCONTINUED so we cant even replace them!!!!! also the toilet paper would run out like super fast and i drink A Lot of diet dr pepper so i DO pee a lot but this was just fucken ridiculous!!!!! anyway so our one old roommate suggested ghost but me n polks were like fuck off this is OUR house!!

anyway so one day im slumped down on the couch w earbuds in having a good time and my friend kos comes downstairs to brew his sleepy ass some fresh shit tier coffee at like 5pm on a weekday. tbh i was talking about one of my homebrew blorbos being harassed and having just a great time with it so i didnt want to speak to anyone and just EXTREMELY avoided eye contact n sank as deep as i could into the bigass pillows of our honestly very nice goodwill upper middle class grandma couch. the point of that is when you walk downstairs and turn into the kitchen you cant really see me at this angle and i am DEAD SILENT bc my keyboard was apparently made of marshmallows or smth AND im metal gear box stealth mode trying to not be noticed here so i can talk about my barbies being menaced uninterrupted.

SO because of all that when kos came back downstairs for his coffee which had been brewing for probably not very long but i was in the Blorbo Zone where time is fake so i couldnt in good faith give an estimate he did NOT see me. well while hes in the kitchen puttering around i just start losing my shit on account of my blorbarbies in agonies brings me Such Joys and i think this startled him so bad he has to take a stress shower because i heard the bathroom door SLAM and the water start running. at some point after this polks comes home from work and starts pissed off nagging us over WHO MADE THIS COFFEE MESS IN MY KITCHEN!! kos comes downstairs for the Commotions and apparently the coffee pot was sitting on the counter with some fresh coffees while the rest of it fresh waterfalled all into our silverware and pots n pans spaces HOWEVER!! MYSTERY TIME!! he has not been downstairs since he started brewing his trash sludge.

INTERMISSION: THINGS TO NOTE ABOUT OUR HOUSE: the back door is literally INCHES from the downstairs bathroom. the attic is not a panel or ceiling access its just a door right by all our bedroom doors and it wont latch which was So Annoying bc the cats were UNREASONABLE THIRSTY to get up there so we had to install a loop n hook latch to keep it shut but whichever one of us did that goofed it up pretty bad bc the door is still perpetually cracked open like probably a full inch and a half. id love to take the credit for this but i think it was polks who is absolutely phenomenal at fucking up installations of things. OTHER NOTABLE THINGS ABOUT POLKS: her single biggest fear on this planet is shit like Crawlspace Man. just Some Guy living in your home without you knowing. also we have a dark little crawlspace down in the basement, for ambience

MOVING ON at this point i still dont give a shit about anything happening around me because i am inflicting sufferings upon my from scratch blorbo BUT my brain is putting the pieces together which i then immediately do a toddler vs 1000 piece puzzle it took you a year to assemble and just totally waste that shit from my thinkspace bc i wanna play DOLLS instead. polks and kos are also putting their little pieces together but they are Not braindead dipstick idiots like yours truly so they decide to check the whole haus bottom up, starting with the crawlspace. great news! the crawlspace is empty!! other older news: i def heard the cabinet ruining coffee fuckuper come down from upstairs.

i forgot to mention that for this househunt polks armed herself with our fucking broom and was wielding it handle side out because It Has Reach and a knife would Escalate The Situation. anyway they make their way upstairs and i am doing absolute jackshit nothing to help because, again, i am fucking brain poisoned to prioritize oc cummies over every single thing on this planet. its in my fucking genetic code. so while im fuckin useless theyre up there talking about how fucking weird this is and scuffling around or whatever but the second they go into the attic its dead silent and NOT because they go silent but because the attic is some fucked up sound void and past the first 3 steps you can hear total fuck all from outside. at this point my little toddler brain realizes this puzzle is actually indestructible so when kos and polkie are out of the void audible again i Already Knew i had to start being a fucking adult instead of playing barbies which DID feel like a personal affront.

tbh i dont even remember how polks reacted bc i was so CMON MAN!! at our attic dweller for cucking me bc now i gotta call the fuckin cops AND change the locks AND i still gotta get up at 420 in the mother blessed am for work, so basically this entire stunt was a hate crime against me specifically.

we dont really go in our attic much and never even bothered fetching the cats when they went up there but we HAD been up there before so when i went up there and saw fuckin blankets and takeout containers and also some clothes stuffed into drafty holes it was like, kind of Obvious that yeah some bitch was stealing my forks and not paying rent and eating all my toilet paper and FOR SOME REASON had the audacity to ALSO go ahead and pour out a cup of coffee in BROAD DAYLIGHT while we were OBVIOUSLY HOME. the fucking NERVE!!

so!! thats our Event that i honestly forget happened most of the time. we actually refer to them as Attic Dobby i think on account of my THIEVED socks but then of course attic dobby became sexy dobby as is the natural progression of things. we have many big tity dobbie drawings around the house and we love to show them to guests. i may have lost some forks i cant fucking replace so ill never have a matching set again BUT now my house has so many slutty big tit thong and louboutin adorned dobbys that kos and i have bonded so much over drawing that it all evens out in the end and i definitely dont get mad about the forks ever. less important than dobbys big naturals but still notable: exposure therapy works as polks no longer has the Crawlspace Man Terrors!

[thecoolerhamtastic]

BNA (Brand New Animal) AU no one asked for but you're getting it

Man if you think the town was fucked before, HOO BOI- Okay LIs and their animals though:

Robin: Rabbit. No particular breed or species. Prefers to hide or generally avoids using their beast side as much as they can unless either really late for school, which is rare, or is in full Flight Mode. However, at high confidence, you start to see them change form a little more often just for fun. Probably gets teased by classmates and you a lot because "you know what they say about rabbits-" (Nothing. Not until Vrel finally lets me breed hi-)

Kylar: Bat. Again, no particular species in mind atm. Also the type to avoid taking their beast form unless backed into a corner, but if the Whitney vs Kylar path of their Halloween event says anything (and, you know, this is the same person who was willing to stab a bitch just for sitting next to you), you probably don't want them in this form to begin with. Imagining them crawling and clinging to ceilings makes me feel insane. Absolute goblin. Probably doesn't fly much even when it'd be more convenient.

Also, they're probably a fruit bat, but there's definitely rumors about the freak going around and biting people's necks and them always smelling like garlic probably doesn't help.

Whitney: Polar bear. Despite how aggressive they are, they actually find more entertainment making people submit in their human form and surprisingly has the most control of their shapeshifting. If Whitney transforms, you know shit is BAD and you're probably going to die. Their animal form is something of a boogeyman around school because of that.

Sydney: Cat. Like, a really, REALLY fluffy cat. Surprisingly comfortable in their beast form, but it's still rare (just doesn't see a point) and they mostly bring it out for extra warmth.

Avery: Secretary bird. Also considered a pretty or fancy looking hound (think salukis, borzois, greyhounds, afghan hounds etc). Just anything with long legs and looks very graceful or elegant and harmless which makes their true nature worse once out.

Eden: Haven't met them besides one encounter but I kinda imagine some sort of vulture. Maybe a bearded vulture. Like yes they're a hunter but listen vultures are still cool-

Alex: (Horned) sheep or goat. I really like imagining them absolutely headbutting the shit out of Remy's goons. I think out of everyone (second to Eden anyway), they're probably the most comfortable with their beast form and likes to run around on the farm in it when given the chance. Will let those close to them cuddle into their wool if a sheep and just relaxing on the farm.

Now for the town...

Forgive me since it's been about a year or two since I watched BNA but considering how...let's say, unhinged this town is already, I'd imagine that folks are more free in switching between forms but there's still certain circumstances it should be avoided (like transforming during an argument can be seen as a threat or act of aggression even if triggered by accident like a heat of the moment type of thing). I also choose to ignore the ending that basically makes beastmen seem like ticking bombs if they're stressed enough bc I just think it's dumb and with some of the dark shit in this game, this town would've been decimated a long time ago.

[loser-female]

How do I get out of freeze mode ? I'm genuinely fucking paralyzed in bed i can't move I feel like I'm gonna implode

If you're referring to freeze mode as in the trauma response unfortunately this is over my pay grade - I'm a flee girl and I don't think I ever did anything in my therapy regarding it.

If you're talking about "I can't do anything because brain doesn't work" there are few tricks. They might work or not, some of these are useless to me but a lot of people find it useful.

1. The 5 seconds rule. So you tell yourself: I'm going to get up in 5 seconds and start counting from there. Apparently this should kind of give you the start. This only started to work for me once I got my ADHD meds and I started to tell myself "you do X. Now". I know it sounds stupid but 🤷

2. Is there something that puts you in the mood? Like I play chess, so I generally might want to watch some chess related content before I play. It kinda gives me motivation. I overuse this trick actually. It doesn't make me a better player, just one that actually starts playing. It makes me think "cool beans, should I do this too?"

3. If you're in bed because you have many many things you have to do and don't know where to start I have two things I use: public to do lists and goblin tools.

The first one means I make a sanitised st of the things I should be doing in places like the r/ADHD discord, any discord related to productivity or I even did on this blog. This gives me a start and a finish.

The second one is a website that's based on chat GPT. You enter the input of something you should be doing (you can select the level of details and depth) and it will return you an already compiled list. It suffers from "American bias" imho (like it assumes my house is designed like an American house). I use this for chores because it's where it pays more imho.

4. If there is something that spikes up my hyperactivity for absolutely no reason is classical music, so I just put up the most intense one and wait for it, then I will be obligated to walk around the house (🤷)

(sorry suddenly my knowledge of tricks to make myself or my team work left my brain because it is what it is lmao)

A lot of times I fail too, because tricks are....tricks. sometimes they work, sometimes they do not.