#like a weight or a burden that no one wants to deal with

[criticallyinneedofadar]

Across Time (8)

A/N: This is a shorter chapter, I've been dealing with insurance and life and the goddamn election bullshit someone get me out of here...

Sorry. Anyways. I could only get a short chapter out this week. Once I've had a chance to breathe for a while I'll have better, longer chapters out.

Pairing: Adar x Former Elf! Reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The air in Adar’s tent is thick with the smoke from the fire crackling in the center of the camp. The war drums still rumble in the distance, a reminder of the gathering storm. The firelight casts dancing shadows across the map stretched out on the table before you, its edges frayed and worn, covered in marks and symbols of battles past and the ones yet to come.

Adar stands over the map, his finger tracing a line from Mordor’s heart to Eregion. His thoughts are heavy, his voice steady but urgent. “I must gather my forces—Uruks, wildmen, and those that remain loyal to me. Eregion will fall. We will march when the time is right.”

You stand a few paces away, your arms crossed, watching him intently. His presence commands the space, his dark energy an ever-present undercurrent to the conversation. There’s something in his gaze tonight—a sharpness, a finality. It seems he’s made up his mind, and you know what that means.

“And Sauron?” you ask, your voice low, careful. You feel the weight of this question, knowing full well the danger it carries.

Adar’s eyes flick to you, his lips curling into something almost like a smile, though it holds no warmth. “He’s still a shadow in the woods, a flame flickering at the edges of our reach. But I intend to take him. One way or another.”

Your heart clenches at the thought. Sauron. The name itself carries a weight that none can escape. Even you, standing beside Adar, cannot quite banish the cold shadow it casts.

“You must know what he plans, yes?” Adar continues, his voice darkening. “He moves, too, in the shadows, waiting to reclaim what is his. I cannot allow that. I will move when I’m ready—but I need you to keep an eye on him. Follow him.”

Your brows furrow, not because you don’t understand, but because of the burden it carries. The thought of following Sauron, tracking his every step, is more than just a dangerous task—it’s a risk that could very well tip the balance of power in Middle-earth.

“You want me to shadow him while you prepare your forces for the march?” you ask, your voice steady despite the knot of unease tightening in your chest.

Adar nods, his eyes cold and calculating. “Yes. I need to know where he goes, whom he meets, and what plans he makes. He will not escape me again. You are one of the few who can move unseen, and I trust you to gather the intelligence I need.”

You bite the inside of your lip, considering. The task ahead is fraught with danger—not just from Sauron, but from all that lies between you and your target. “And if I’m discovered?” you ask, though you already know the answer. If you’re found, it could very well spell your end.

“I don’t expect you to be discovered,” Adar replies sharply. “But should it happen, you know how to handle yourself. You’ve done it before. This is no different.”

His voice holds an edge of command, and you know he means it. He trusts you, in his own way. And yet, you can’t ignore the weight of this task. Following Sauron, watching him from the shadows—it’s a dangerous game to play, and it’s one that could unravel everything, even for you.

“And what of you?” you ask, your voice softer now, your gaze flicking to the map again. “While I watch him, you plan to move your army on Eregion?”

Adar’s eyes narrow, his expression resolute. “Yes. Eregion must fall. Sauron will be dealt with. But I need to be ready. I cannot risk anything standing in my way.”

You nod slowly, understanding. The stakes are high, and Adar’s resolve is clear. You can’t afford to fail.

“I’ll follow him,” you say, your voice steady. “But I will need something. A way to reach you, should things go wrong.”

Adar’s lips curl into a small, grim smile. “You’ll have it. You always do.”

++++++++++

The dawn is a dim, ashen light filtering through thick clouds as you tighten the last strap on your pack, checking each blade and vial one final time. The weight on your shoulders feels familiar—a reminder of all the missions you've carried out in ages past, each one marked by long nights of careful planning and colder days of loneliness. But this time, it’s different. You aren’t setting out at Morgoth’s command, nor answering the will of anyone but yourself. And yet, there’s a gnawing dread you can’t quite dispel, a tension tightening your hands even as you try to steady them.

Just as you’re lacing your cloak over your pack, you hear Adar’s steps approach from behind, steady and slow. You turn to find him watching you with an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine. There’s something else in his gaze, too—a faint but undeniable worry.

“Remember,” he begins, his tone low and serious, “this is not the same as tracking an elf or ambushing a guard. Halbrand—Sauron—is no ordinary enemy. He wields a power that even the most cautious among us would be wise to fear.”

You hold his gaze, determined to keep your voice steady, though you sense his worry mirroring your own. “This is not my first time going into enemy territory,” you remind him, voice calm, trying to reassure him. “I’ve spent ages tracking down threats larger than myself, slipping through strongholds, and staying two steps ahead.”

Adar steps closer, his eyes narrowing slightly, his expression both resolute and grim. “And your courage is beyond question. But Sauron is no mere enemy of flesh and blood. He is a master of shadow and deceit—a being forged in darkness, with powers both vast and cunning.” His gaze sharpens. “Even the slightest misstep could be fatal.”

You tighten your grip on your pack, lifting your chin defiantly. “I’m aware,” you say, meeting his eyes squarely. “But I’ve dealt with darkness before. I know how to remain unseen.”

Adar’s eyes flicker with something unreadable, and for a moment, silence stretches between you. He studies you intently, as if weighing the strength of your resolve. “I would rather you didn’t have to do this at all,” he finally murmurs, voice low. “I did not give you freedom only to see you walk into the jaws of death.”

You hesitate, feeling his words weigh on you. “I know,” you say, softening. “But this is what I choose. And if I don’t do this—if I don’t stop him now—what will that freedom mean if he brings ruin upon everything you’ve fought for?”

Adar’s gaze softens for a moment, his hand lifting as if he means to touch you but stops short, his fingers curling back. “Then you must be careful,” he says, his voice carrying a rare, almost tender note. “Remember, Sauron is not an enemy bound by honor or reason. He will seek to unearth your weaknesses, to twist your mind with words as much as any weapon. And if he senses you for what you truly are…” He trails off, his expression darkening.

You nod slowly, feeling the chill of his warning sink in. “I’ll be cautious. I won’t underestimate him.”

A beat of silence, and then he speaks, his voice soft but unwavering. “I know you won’t,” he says quietly. 

For a moment, your heart clenches at his words, the warmth of them both unexpected and grounding. You manage a small nod, though you feel the weight of his gaze linger, pressing a kind of unspoken promise into you.

Just as you turn to head into the woods, Adar reaches out, his hand resting on your shoulder, a quiet but firm gesture to halt. You glance back at him, brow raised, but his gaze has shifted to the edge of the camp, where a young Uruk, lean and slight, steps forward, awaiting Adar’s summons with silent attention.

“I mentioned a way to reach me should you need it,” Adar says, his tone leaving no room for argument. “This one will accompany you. He has been trained in silence and swiftness; he knows these lands better than most.” His eyes flicker to the young Uruk. “He will follow your command and ensure that you are not left defenseless, should Sauron prove… difficult”

The Uruk steps closer, his movements nearly soundless despite the rough ground beneath him. You assess him in the dim light—he’s slighter than most Uruks, with sharp, watchful eyes and an air of calm that strikes you as unusual for his kind. There’s an intelligence in his gaze, a quiet observation that reminds you of a hawk tracking every movement in its sight.

He meets your eyes and inclines his head in a quick nod, a quiet respect in the gesture. “I am Azgor,” he says, his voice rough but steady. “Adar has told me to protect you—to keep to the shadows, and to leave no trace behind.”

You nod slowly, taking in this unexpected addition. “Azgor,” you repeat, noting the pride that flares in his eyes at your acknowledgement. “I’m sure you’re as capable as Adar claims.”

Azgor straightens slightly, his shoulders lifting. “I am swift as ash falling in silence, and no one will hear me if I don’t wish it.” He glances at Adar, his fierce loyalty apparent. “I would die before allowing harm to come to one of Adar’s own.”

A flicker of surprise catches you off-guard, though you don’t let it show. Adar sent you a companion not just for your safety, but as a gesture of trust. The weight of that gesture rests heavily on you, and you feel both a warmth and a tension settle in your chest.

Turning back to Adar, you meet his gaze one final time, a silent agreement passing between you. He is entrusting you with one of his own—and trusting one of his own with you.

You offer a nod. “We’ll go unseen. Azgor and I will watch and report back if I need support.”

Adar’s expression remains stony, but there’s a flicker of satisfaction in his eyes. “Good. And remember, both of you,” he says, his voice softening, “you are valued here. Your lives are worth more than a spy’s report.”

Azgor straightens even more at these words, and you feel the same faint spark of pride in your own chest. With one last nod, you and Azgor slip away from camp, two shadows passing into the deep woods, moving silently toward the unknown trail of Sauron.

[jtownraindancer]

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[demon-princess13]

in another universe, im not always this sad

(trauma dump in the tags for no reason readers be warned)

[kyoohyeon]

.

[pastryfication]

Can you please do one with shy!reader x Oscar? Reader has chronic pain, but hates asking for help with things, especially simple things (showering, eating, changing, etc)

Ignore if you're not comfortable with this request ❤️

hi thank you so much for the request! i hope it reaches your expectations 🫶🫶

chronic pain | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x shy!reader

warnings: mentions of chronic pain.

the bathroom was warm and misty, the scent of your favourite body wash mingling with the steam rising from the hot shower. you had managed to get undressed and into the shower on your own, a small triumph on a day where the pain was especially relentless.

as you stood under the shower head, the water cascaded over your shoulders, providing a fleeting sense of relief. you leaned against the wall, trying to muster the strength to continue. the stabbing pain in your back wasn’t about to ruin your day once again, you were adamant about that, but your legs felt like jelly, and your hands started to tremble with fatigue.

you closed your eyes, trying to steady your breathing, but a wave of dizziness washed over you. in an attempt to reach for the soap, your grip faltered, and it slipped from your fingers, hitting the tiled floor with a loud clatter. panic surged through you as you realized you couldn't bend down to retrieve it. no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t make yourself bend down to pick it up.

the sound of the soap hitting the floor must have echoed through the apartment, because moments later, you heard the soft knock on the bathroom door.

"baby? are you okay in there?" oscar’s voice was gentle, but concern laced his words. you hated that he had to worry about you, hated that you had to rely on him for help with the simplest things. but today, the pain was unbearable.

"i’m fine," you called back, trying to keep your voice steady, but it came out weak and unconvincing. you hoped he wouldn't press further, but you knew oscar better than that.

the door creaked open, and through the steam, you saw his silhouette. he hesitated at the threshold, respecting your privacy but unwilling to leave you struggling. "are you sure? i think i heard something fall."

you sighed inaudible, feeling the weight of your pride and embarrassment. "i just . . . i dropped the soap. i can get it. just give me a minute."

oscar stepped closer, slowly moving aside the shower curtain to get a full view of you, and his gaze softened when he saw your strained expression. "love, it's okay to need help. let me."

his voice was soothing, filled with unwavering support, but you shook your head, stubbornness mingling with your discomfort. "oscar, i don't want to be a burden. i can do it."

he knelt beside the tub, his presence reassuring and calm as he gave you a gentle smile. "you could never be a burden to me, love. i'm happy to help, however you need."

tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, a mixture of frustration and gratitude. "i just feel so . . . useless sometimes."

oscar frowned at your words, his hand reaching out and gently taking your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. "you're not useless. you're strong, and dealing with this pain every day takes so much courage. but even the strongest people need help sometimes. let me be here for you."

you hesitated, the vulnerability of accepting his help weighing heavily on you, but the sincerity in his eyes broke through your defences. slowly, you nodded, allowing him to assist you.

oscar carefully guided you to sit on the edge of the tub, then picked up the soap and lathered it between his hands. with tender care, he began washing your back, his touch light and comforting. you closed your eyes, letting yourself relax for the first time that day.

as he helped you rinse off, his gentle words filled the space. "i'm always here for you. no matter what. so please, ask me for help next time?"

you hesitated for a moment before nodding, agreeing to his words. maybe asking him for help wasn’t the worst idea when the feeling of his tender touch against your skin was so comforting. maybe you could allow him to help a bit more if it meant sharing intimate moments like these.

[moondirti]

jigsaws

— surgeon! simon riley x resident! reader

angst. anxiety. panic attacks. neurosurgical procedures. medical setting. mean simon. d/s undertones. 3.3k wc

There's a reason no one likes working with him.

Tough. Censorious, or hard to please – whispered wearily by nurses with permanent distaste etched into their crow's feet. He scathes anyone not accustomed to his abrasive exterior; a talus pile of whetted rocks, poised to flay you open should you take the plunge so confidently. Rubs your skin raw, brutally worms his way into your flesh, infamously bars rescue, allowing only saltwater to cradle your open wounds in the aftermath. Nothing about his criticism is comforting, not in the way an attending's support should be.

It sounds inflated. Excessive. Your intern year, you let the horror stories float you by as though they were nothing more than dust motes in an old room. To be expected, no? Hospital's are brutal for even the briefest of visitors, let alone a man who's worked here twenty years. In hindsight, you see that it's a type of discredit only the very fortunate can claim; inaugural residents and medical directors, those who do not have to deal with the virulent terror himself. You know better, now. Really.

Still, it feels as though you're being punished.

The air in the operating room is heavy. Clotted by a thick sense of unease. It's never like this, usually. Though the smell of burnt bone, blood, and remnant antiseptic is always a force to be reckoned with, you've gotten very good at shunning your nose for favour of your other senses. To tune into the vital monitor's beep, or the distinctions between this lump of amorphous tissue versus that lump of amorphous tissue. Reinterpreting them based on the plans you revised while scrubbing up, focused fingers around delicate tools prodding. Cutting.

Reliable perception is fine work. You've honed your personal ability the best you could.

The first lesson Dr. Riley teaches you, and rather gratuitously at that, is it takes just one person to throw it off kilter.

There's an impossible itch right where your mask hooks over your ears, latched nastily onto your scalp. Nothing you can address physically (sterility before comfort), though you're aware that its source isn't so easy as to scratch away. Figurative, then. An unwavering neg, pointed by a pair of cold eyes in your periphery. You're tempted to look up, throw off his stare with one of your own, but you think he wants you distracted.

So, you shift your weight and centre the electrocautery to another portion of abnormal growth. It comes apart like stale bread.

You haven't felt this micromanaged since medical school, when professors would loom over your shoulder and mark the clumsy way you sutured incisions shut. But where your grade had been on the line then, it's a person's life now. You seem to be the only one privy to that fact, or perhaps the one surgeon who cares.

Because Dr. Riley watches you over his wire-rimmed specs, grunting ambiguously under his breath like you can't hear him standing just a foot away. Maddening in that it's quiet, idle. To question it would be putting the burden of critique on yourself. To let it continue–

Sweat pools beneath your collar. The spotlights don't help, either, heat lamps on your roasting nerves, highlighting the wet sheen of your temple to whoever cares enough to notice (just him). Focus feels a vain pursuit, attention zeroing in and out of control. You're caught in the violent dance, swept away, water beneath your feet, between the operation and everything else. Everything else, like the ground that suddenly pushes too hard beneath you. The walls, stretching further and further away. There'd be nothing to catch you should you fall – a possibility that gains traction by the second, your vision spotting with exhaustion.

You almost lose it before a flash of green reels you back in.

It's instinctual. Entrenched response to a colour that only ever means one thing. Looking up at the neuronavigation, you watch as the silhouette of your apparatus veers dangerously close to the patient's motor cortex, highlighted in nausea-inducing neon for maximum visibility. Dr. Riley's presence darkens the space next to the screen, a point of singularity that consumes anything within its event horizon. Though it's the last thing you want to do, you coast a hesitant look over to him.

A surgical gown is meant to be ill-fitting. You find he fills the fabric in a manner antithetical to that design, shoulders stretching it tight across his neck, tree-trunk arms drawing tense pleats around his joints. Even his cap, wrapped smoothly around his forehead, ripples with every shift of his brow. Doubled-up gloves warped to the contours of his hands, thick fingers and knuckles. You watch the way they twitch, distorting the latex like a swift fish underwater, and swallow the stone lodged in your throat.

"I can't read your mind, Doctor." Your attending snaps when you take too long to elaborate. His voice is rough, a sucking chest wound in the sterile air of the OR – too raw, natural in a way these halls don't see. You squirm uncomfortably in the force majeure. "What's the hold up?"

"Um-" You pull away from the glioblastoma, your patient's head remaining tightly in place by a positioning frame. "I'm concerned about resecting this part. It's all wound up in healthy tissue, right up against the motor cortex. A wrong move could cause permanent damage."

Dr. Riley doesn't move. Instead, his blank stare flicks down to the surgical site, digesting the truth for himself. The anesthesiologist beside you holds her breath. You wish you had it in you to do the same, but your lungs already wheeze for oxygen as it is.

Somewhere, dim and timid in the recesses of your mind, it occurs to you that this isn't normal. No attending should actively foster an environment where help is punished, especially not while being paid a hefty salary to do exactly that. A dour attitude is one thing – everyone has their days – but you know nurses with greater burdens that boast smiles and little stickers on their ID badges, running on three hours sleep while dealing with bedpans and lewd comments all day. Your search for guidance, then, is certainly not the worst thing in the world.

(No matter how stern the look he gives you is.)

"You need to make a decision. Hesitation in the OR can be just as fatal."

Great load of good that does.

But it was to be expected. Pre-op, you sat down with him to discuss the acceptable margins, and got as much out of that conversation as you did this one. Review the imaging. You've been given the functional mapping for a reason. Never mind that it was standard procedure to check-in regardless; he handles you like you're a child playing dress-up, waving around tools too complex for your grubby hands to operate. Asking him anything is validating what he believes, like kindling wood into a roaring fire. Your mouth smacks to the taste of ash.

The discoloured mass growing off your patient's brain seems to glare back at you. Ugly, yellow, and stained in a coating of blood, severed from its sisters that now lay dead on an adjacent table. It kills you to let it stick, to progress to hemostasis with an increased risk of recurrence. Should this individual ever come in again, their pain would be on your hands – a real possibility you cannot reckon with, for all you know how devastating a toll it would have. The last time it happened, you promised yourself you would never allow it again.

(A mistake that even the greenest of medical students know not to make. Promises are null in this field. They'll blow out like bad tattoos, ink smudged under skin. Patients die, families grieve, doctor's bear the guilt – to fool anyone about it would be doing a greater disservice. Conciliation is not your job. It is not a duty you owe.

Not even to yourself.)

"I… I think we should stop here to avoid any potential issues." You resolve, lips pursed painfully tight. Your hands shake, bullet of emotion ricocheting within your ribs. Your nerves are shot, you tell yourself. It'll take time to compose them, time you don't have. Better to shelf this, then. You're doing the right thing by wrapping it neatly for another day, if that day should ever come.

Dr. Riley huffs.

Or, not.

"CUSA," He clips to the scrub nurse, who shakes as they place the tool into his impatient hand. It's all you can do to watch in horror as your attending commandeers your case, addressing the portion of concern with offensive expertise. The activity on the neuronavigation doesn't so much as blink as he emulsifies the target tissue, tumored cells dissociating from the surrounding matter like butter.

And it isn't a learning opportunity – hardly anything at all when he washes the area in saline solution, manoeuvre over as quickly as it started. Instead, your attention sticks to the casual disrespect he felt was necessary. Snubbing your insight like it was dirt beneath his shoes, too competent to even address your error with words. Humiliation rips like a wave up your neck, washing your ears and cheeks in balmy warmth. Underneath it all, settled like wet sand on the shore, you find that it is not your bruised ego that's left, but rather a wilder, darker thing.

Shame at having failed him.

(How obnoxiously redundant.)

"Think you can manage the duraplasty, Doctor?" Derision distorts his expression into something crueller than his usual indifference. You hate to think it suits him.

"Yes."

It's only an hour later that you're granted the chance to break down.

After wound closure, scrubbing out and postoperative discussions with the patient's family, you think you'd have moved on. Things like this happen – it's what necessitates post-graduate training in the first place – and you're certainly not irredeemable for having faltered on the line. At least, that's what the logic delineates. It mutters its assurances like dogma in your head, insisting that because it is rational, it is right. Any other day, you would be inclined to listen to it.

But that's the thing about being strung out beyond measure. The only sentiment with teeth, sharp and stubborn, is anguish. Indignity. Self-turned anger. You replay the scene like something new will come of it, a silver lining or a divot to pin the blame in anything but yourself. The scalp staples back into place, the dressings wrapped tight. The hibiclens soap lathers up to your elbows, your skin itchy as it dries. The family is thankful, little tears dotting their eyes. The storm passes, waters rippling into quiet calm. And still–

In the wake of it all, you're irrevocably changed. Raw.

There's a little closet for occasions like these. You're relieved to find it empty, void of anything but rusted buckets and mildewed mops. It's a welcome crowd, certainly, borderline claustrophobic compared to the wide floors of the OR, and you sink to the floors within the tight, comforting embrace. Immediately, hot tears spring to your eyes, rabbit heart racing along hollowed ribs. Emotion rushes your throat, tumultuous and messy, piling half-formed grievances on top of one another until they form an intricate, prodigious beast.

Impossible to tackle, worse to tame.

Could you have done anything different?

Is there a reason why he hates you?

Are you cut out for this?

Is this worth never getting a good night's rest?

Do you deserve any of the opportunities you've been given?

Would they be better off in the hands of someone more competent?

No answer claims any. Unresolved, they wriggle underneath your flesh, feeding on the muscle keeping you intact. Tunnelling through your marrow, soft matter fattening them up. You feel as though you're shifting to accommodate them, anatomy morphing into an ugly sack of dermis and maggots. True reflection of a degraded conceit.

The dark, at least, remains omnipresent. Clean against your skin, or purifying, in some odd way. If there is no witness to your misery, then perhaps you can pretend it doesn't exist. That it doesn't affect you as much as it does, or how you won't be thinking of it during every case to come–

A knock rattles you out of your reasoning.

"Hey." Kyle's voice is soft on the other side of the door.

You make your best effort to wipe the wetness from your cheeks, warbling a quiet come in to your chief resident. Fluorescent light intercedes on your little sanctum, spotlighting your crumpled frame. The pitying grimace that twists his face is enough indication that you did not do a good job at hiding your affliction. You must look pathetic.

"We missed you at lunch."

"Wasn't hungry." You sniff, taking his hand to pull yourself up.

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse than you could've prepared me for."

He snickers. It alleviates some of the weight off your chest, this. Conversation to remind yourself that there is more to the world than your angst.

(Only some.)

"It'll get easier, I promise. He's harsher on the juniors."

"I think that's not for you to say. Tell me, has there ever been a superior who didn't absolutely adore you?" Your voice sobers to a close resemblance of Laswell's. "Good work on the diagnosis, Dr. Garrick. I'll admit, I wouldn't have caught that myself."

The man in question lightly shoves your arm, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "Okay, hush. I get it. Still–"

"You don't have to do this, you know." You smile until it gets too much to sustain, then turn to gather your white coat from behind the front desk. The note of positivity his companionship brings is fickle. Appreciated, but not enough to balm the sore blisters of Dr. Riley's rebuff. That'll take the weekend, likely, holed up in your room with nothing but a cuppa and old How I Met Your Mother reruns. "I'm fine, really. I'd rather just continue about my rounds and forget he exists."

But Kyle sighs. Sighs, and bites his cheek in that same way he does when he has to deliver bad news to intakes.

You blanch. "Don't–"

"He came looking for you in the mess hall. Something about the report." The unsteady composure you've built within yourself immediately dissipates, as though it were nothing more than an absorbable stitch. "You know better than to skip out on post-op briefs."

Your voice is weak when you speak again. Breathless. "I'm sorry."

"I don't blame you, darl. But he wants to see you in his office, now." Kyle's face is sympathetic. It doesn't do you much good. "I'll cover your rounds in the meantime."

"Thanks."

And despite your true gratitude, the words ring as empty.

"Sit."

Like a marionette suspended on string, you do as you're told.

Dr. Riley's office is barren of any personal adornment, cast in the same austere template initially given to him. There's a leather couch tucked prim under the window, throw pillow flat on one end. A wire file organiser sits atop his desk, papers fighting for space between the flimsy bookmarks. Pens in a cup, a stapler by his keyboard. All ordinary, inconclusive belongings, that which you sift through like a ravenous creature, slobbering for clues at the life your attending leads.

Ironically, the one thing that offers any inference is an empty photo frame, faced towards the rest of the room, away from him.

You don't like the uncomfortable feeling it inflicts.

"The family." He levels a bored look to you, that which hardens the longer you take to address his ambiguous question. In the harsh lights of the operating room, his eyes looked nearly black. Now, sunlight paints a clearer picture. Taupe and sepia, flecks of various browns brightened by the pale blue underline of his mask. "Doctor."

Floundering, you search for the clouded memory of your discussion with the patient's relatives. It ripples, faintly, between your revels in self-pity. If you needed any censure of your disordered priorities, that is surely enough.

(Funny how he continues to criticise you, even unintentionally.)

"Good. Hopeful. I told them you managed to resect the entire thing, and detailed the plan going forward." It's as though your hands are compelled to move by electric shock, charged full of destructive energy. You rub your face, twiddle your thumbs, scratch the armrests of your chair; trying any measure to defuse the bomb you feel ticking beneath your chest. "They give their thanks."

All the while, he remains steady before you.

A moment of tense silence clears. "I just submitted the operation report." He says, derailing the conversation to what you suspect has always been its purpose. "I mentioned your inability to close the surgery."

You damn near choke on your spit. He notices, of course, and raises a challenging brow.

"I- I'm sorry, but that isn't what... I was perfectly able to complete it." Your protest carries none of the strength you will it to. As is always the case around him, you're made to sound like a defiant student, instead. Pouting and stomping your foot, inflating your strict sense of justice to an occasion that does not call for it.

"Oh?" You know you're not crazy for thinking that way, either. He speaks in faux conciliatory tones, brows knitting together as his argument waters down to one he thinks you can digest. "Would you rather I have said you refused, then?"

You shake your head, staring down at your lap. You really, really don't want to be here. Is it worth it, then? To stand your ground when the worst that will come of his misstatement is an inquiry from above? The strength has long since left you. Now, it is a matter of bloodletting. Leeching the struggle before it festers into something greater, a malady you cannot control.

"No."

"Make up your mind, Doctor." He hums, grabbing a protein bar from his drawer before standing. He doesn't have to round his desk to tower over you, but he does. Heat radiates off him in waves, blushing your neck so that when you look up at him, owlish, your face flares with stockpiled fervor.

You wonder if it could be read as desire.

"You know best." Shutting down has never been so disencumbering. Acquiescence, upending an ivory flag with the knowledge that you don't have to bleed any longer.

His lashes flutter. When you blink, they seem closer than they were before.

"That's right." Dr. Riley practically fucking purrs, chest rumbling thoughtfully at your chosen response. A pressure settles between your legs, bloating desperately into that bundle of nerves that inhibits all reason. "So next time, if you have a problem with the way I do things, you'll address it to me directly instead of snivelling like a bloody prat. That way, maybe I'll explain it to you, too."

A nod is not enough.

"Yes, Dr. Riley."

He cocks his head, fiddling with the wrapping in his hands. His fingers are scarred, brutish, though they tear the foil with all the precision in the world. Your acceptance does not feel nearly as final, expectation thickening the space between you. The title startles to your tongue, then. Novel. Unsure. You haven't called anyone it since secondary. You do not know whether he'll take to it kindly at all.

"Yes, sir."

But his eyes crinkle at the corners, pleased, and it more than fills the hole he harrowed out from you earlier. Your reaction to the approval should be documented, given a name and listed somewhere on the DSM-5.

(Nothing about it feels healthy.)

"Good." He pushes off the edge of his desk, tapping a knuckle to your chin. Instinctively, you open your mouth. The protein bar fits between your teeth, pasty and dry, but his pulse vibrates near your lips and–

You bite down anyway.

(But oh, does it feel good.)

[masterlist]

[srslyblvck]

in my arms, five hargreeves

pairing: five hargreeves x fem!reader

synopsis: In the chaos, you break down, and Five comforts you, giving you new hope.

genre: angst, hurt-comfort, fluff

warnings: mental breakdown

author's note: this is to cope with the ending of tua s4 cuz idt i will be recovering from that anytime soon lmao

word count: 0.5k

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ THE WORLD WAS ENDING. Again.

You had lost count of how many apocalypses you and the rest of the Umbrella Academy had thwarted. Each one had left you more exhausted, more broken than the last. The constant fighting, the never-ending chaos, and the relentless pressure to save the world were taking their toll. There was no time to rest, no time to heal. Just fight, survive, and then do it all over again.

But this time, it was different. You could feel it in your bones. The hopelessness, the crushing weight of responsibility—it was all too much. You had always prided yourself on being strong, on never showing weakness. But now, standing in the ruins of yet another battle, you felt yourself breaking.

The others were scattered, each dealing with their own demons. But you couldn't keep going. Not like this. You sank to the ground, tears streaming down your face as the overwhelming sense of despair consumed you. You had tried so hard, fought so long, but it never seemed to be enough.

You didn't hear Five approach. He had always been the enigma, the one who seemed to have everything under control. You and he had clashed countless times, your arguments as fierce as the battles you fought. But now, as he knelt beside you, all the animosity seemed to fade away.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice lacking its usual edge. "What's going on?"

You couldn't bring yourself to look at him. "I can't do it anymore," you whispered, your voice breaking. "I can't keep saving the world. It's too much. I'm tired, Five. I'm so tired."

He was silent for a moment, then moved closer, wrapping his arms around you in an embrace that was surprisingly gentle. You stiffened at first, not used to this side of him, but then you let yourself relax into his arms. You buried your face in his shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I know," he murmured, his hand rubbing your back in soothing circles. "I know it's hard. But you don't have to carry this burden alone."

You shook your head, the words spilling out between sobs. "I don't want to let everyone down. But I'm losing hope, Five. Everything is in chaos, and I can't… I can't keep pretending I'm okay."

Five tightened his grip on you, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "You're not letting anyone down. You're human. You're allowed to feel this way. We've been through hell, and it's okay to break sometimes."

You clung to him, his words offering a glimmer of comfort amidst the darkness. For so long, you had believed that showing weakness was a sign of failure. But now, in Five's arms, you realized that maybe it was okay to let someone else in, to let them help carry the weight.

The chaos around you seemed to fade as you cried, Five's presence grounding you in a way you hadn't thought possible. He held you tightly, his hand gently stroking your hair. It was a side of him you had never seen before, and it made you feel a strange sense of comfort amidst the pain.

You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, wrapped in each other's embrace, but for the first time in a long time, you felt a glimmer of hope. Not for the past, but for the future. Because as long as you had Five by your side, you knew you could face whatever came next.

[wonsdoll]

WOUNDS N’ KISSES ✦ HYUNG LINE

PREC𝓲S ｡｡ 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖼𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝖺𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒’𝗏𝖾 𝗀𝗈𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝖺 𝖿𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍

형라인 ／⠀ female reader ── fluff + non idol au ｡｡ ⠀ theyre “thugs” but softies 🎀 blood mentions :0 !! . . . more

HEESEUNG SAT ON THE EDGE of the bed, his posture slightly slouched, blood stains on his knuckles and a faint blood stain on his cheek. his usual confident self was quickly replaced with exhaustion from the fight he barely walked away from. you knelt in front of him, a damp cloth in your hand, gently trying to get the blood off his skin.

he hissed slightly when the cloth made contact with his skin, but his eyes remained locked onto you. although his guard was always up, you were the only one who saw him like this. this—raw, unguarded human.

“you dont have to do this..” heeseung muttered, trying to mask his vulnerability. even as he said this, heeseung still leaned into your touch, silently enjoying the comfort he craved.

you shook your head, your hands super steady as you cleaned his wound. “someone has to.” you replied softly, not looking up from his current injuries. this wasn’t the first time you’ve seen him like this, it never got easier.

heeseung’s hand rested on your knee, brushing the skin he had access to. “you’re too good to me.” he murmured, his lips forming a faint smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “i wouldn’t have to be if you stopped getting into fights.” you looked at him, your voice laced with concern.

“maybe.. maybe i’ll be more careful.” heeseung chuckled. “can’t promise anything.” his voice was low and strained.

JAY SAT ON THE EDGE OF the couch, his shirt off revealing a deep bruise on his ribs and several small cuts onto his skin. jay was clearly in pain, but per usual, he was trying to hide it. jay was never one to show any sort of weakness, but with you, it was almost different. your eyes dropped onto his bruised body.

“jay… you really need to stop getting into these fights.” you murmured, dabbing a soaked cloth onto each cut on his skin.

jay winced slightly, but his eyes remained on you, softening in a way it never did. “it’s apart of business.” he muttered, his voice low. “i can handle it.”

you paused at his words, looking at him with a mix of frustration and care. “handling it doesn’t mean going through it all on your own.” you brushed your finger against his bruised chest, watching him quickly tense under your touch.

jay’s jaw clenched, his gaze briefly flickering away from you, almost as if he was trying to avoid eye contact. he absolutely hated the idea of being a burden, hated that you had to see him this way, bruised and battered. “i don’t want you to deal with this.”

you continued to clean his wounded body, each touch more softer than the last. “i’m here for you jay, you don’t have to hide any of that from me..” you tried to remove some of pain, jay was currently feeling.

JAKE SAT ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, his usual grin was no where in sight. his face was bruised, a nasty cut along his eye brow and his once pretty hands had bruised knuckles. you stood in between his legs, trying to clean each wound carefully. your heart sunk as you saw his condition, it hurt to see him hurt. jake who was always smiling, was now beaten up and silent.

“i told you not to do this anymore..” you whispered, your voice laced in worry.

“i know.” jake winced, his voice rather quiet that usual. “i didn’t mean for it to happen again.”

“i just don’t want to keep seeing you like this..” you sighed, keeping your hands as steady as possible

jake watched you intensely, the weight of your words sitting on his chest. jake had always been the one who made everything lighter, but seeing the concern in your eyes, he felt every bit of guilt. “i don’t either.” jake said softly, reaching for your hips, pulling you closer to him. “i’m okay, i promise.”

“you don’t look okay.” your hands paused on his skin, looking at him. jake’s expressions softened, his hands gently squeezed your waist, a squeeze of reassurance. “i’ll heal, okay? i promise.” jake smiled, pressing his lips against your hair.

SUNGHOON LEANED AGAINST THE WALL, his arm crossed over his chest, trying to mask out the pain from his new set of bruises he recently had gotten and the small cut on his lip. his usual demeanor had slipped, now looking boyish in this state of vulnerability. you stood in front of him, a first aid kit by your side, ready to tend to him after yet another brawl.

“why do you always do this?” you asked, your voice laced with concern as you cleaned the cut on his lip.

sunghoon winced ever so slightly at the touch of the cloth to his lip, his eyes reflecting a sense of stubbornness and affection. “it’s just apart of life.. i’ll get through.” he replied, trying to brush it off.

you sighed, applying a little more pressure onto the wound. “that doesn’t mean you have to keep getting hurt. you don’t have to prove anything to me.”

sunghoon’s lips quirked up into a slight smile, the counter of his mouth lifting despite the pain he’s in. “you really think i’m trying to prove something?” you nodded gently. “maybe.. but you should know you’re already amazing despite this.”

his expressions softened tremendously, the teasing glint in his eyes, soon replaced with sincerity. “you see me like this and still think i’m amazing?” you shifted closer to him, pulling him into a gentle embrace. “you’ll always be amazing to me.. bruised up or not.”

💌 : wonsdoll comeback we cheered ! i love doing hyung line work but let me know if i should do this but maknae line ver !! && did this while my arm is in pain #solidermode

[sgt-tombstone]

My take on the "Shut up Soap" trope but make it fluffy because I love soft Ghoap

----

Almost everyone on base has told Soap to shut up at some point, to piss off, to go bother someone else. He tries not to take it personally; the military is a stressful career for anyone, much less the special forces he's surrounded by. He doesn't blame anyone for wanting a little peace and quiet every once in a while. He's even started to anticipate it, going into every conversation with the expectation of getting brushed off or, worse, told off. It makes the disappointment a little easier to bear, at least, and he's always pleasantly surprised if it doesn't happen. Win-win in his books.

The only person who's never done it, who's never made his presence feel like a burden, is Ghost.

He's never once told Soap to go away, to take his energy and chatter elsewhere. Even in the middle of tense missions or sleepless nights, he listens. Or, at least, he lets Soap talk. Doesn't tell him to be quiet.

Soap should know better than to question it, because the fastest way to make a good thing disappear is to draw attention to it, but like always, he doesn't know when to leave well enough alone. They're sitting in Ghost's office, the man himself busy with paperwork while Soap sits on the couch, deep in thought, when he finally gives in to the ill-advised urge.

"Why do you do it?"

As soon as Soap speaks up, Ghost caps his pen and sets it down, turning his full attention to his sergeant. He tilts his head in question.

"Do what, Soap?"

"That," Soap says, waving an arm towards Ghost as if to encapsulate the entirety of his being. "Ye never... Ye never tell me to be quiet."

"I enjoy your company," Ghost says with a shrug, as if were that simple, but Soap frowns.

"Aye, sure," he mutters. "So does Gaz, but even he's told me to piss off before. You always pay attention."

"Is that so odd?" Ghost asks, his eyes narrowing slightly, and Soap has gotten good enough at deciphering his masked expressions to know it's out of confusion rather than suspicion or condemnation.

"You're the only one who does, sir," Soap admits, a little meekly, chewing on his lip to ease some of the discomfort of the admission. "Even when you're knackered or getting shot at or ragin', ye don't tell me tae fuck off."

"Would you rather I did?"

"No!" Soap says quickly, maybe a little too loudly, and he's quick to settle again. "I just dinnae ken why, that's all."

Ghost is quiet for a long moment, his gaze heavy where it sweeps across Soap's face, and he can see the moment that Ghost comes to a decision.

"I know what it's like," he shrugs, aiming for nonchalant and missing by a mile. For the first time since Soap started talking, he drops his eyes to his desk, as if the weight of his confession dragged them down. He picks up his pen again but doesn't uncap it; he just fiddles with it, the only nervous fidget Soap has ever seen from him.

"What what's like?"

"To feel like a ghost in your own life," he says, so quiet that Soap has to lean forward to hear him, hanging off of every word. "To crave the connection that comes so easily to everyone around you. To feel immaterial."

Soap isn't sure what to say to that. It's like Ghost dropped a bomb in the middle of the room that neither of them are willing to address in case mentioning it lights the fuse. He's never heard his own feelings expressed so succinctly, especially from someone else's mouth, and it stuns him into silence, his eyes wide and lips parted in shock.

"You deal with it differently than I did," Ghost continues, looking back up. "You fight back; refuse to let yourself disappear. I embraced it, became the ghost I felt like."

"Do you," Soap starts, his voice raspy in his dry throat, and he swallows before starting again. "Do you still feel like that?"

"No," Ghost says after a pregnant pause, the single word steeped in meaning. Soap feels the gravity of it, caught in the warm depths of Ghost's eyes. "Not anymore."

And as Soap grins, comfort flooding his veins, more potent than whiskey, he thinks that they may have solved each other's problems after all.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || You're Exhausted From Work

‧₊˚ ☽ ⋅Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - October 2024

‧₊˚ ☽ ⋅MASTERLIST

CHAN:

You step into the apartment, the weight of the day hanging on your shoulders, all you wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry but you'd forgotten Chan was over tonight. You try to hide your bad day with a smile, but Chan immediately sees through it - he could read you like a book and he shook his head at you. He watches you silently for a moment, his brow furrowing as he notices the faint tremble in your hands when you reach for your phone.

“How was work?” he asks softly, already bracing himself for what he knows is coming. You sat beside him on the sofa and cuddle into him. You shrug, not wanting to burden him with everything that was going on at work.

“Same old. You know, nothing new.” But Chan wasn't dumb, he knew you better than he knew you and he sighs a little. He shifts closer to you, his arm slipping around your waist, pulling you into his warmth.

“Babe, what happened today?” You sigh, trying to downplay it as you shake your head, trying your best not to cry in front of him.

“It’s just... a couple of my coworkers. They’re always talking behind my back or making these snide comments. It’s annoying, but I’ll deal with it.” The casual tone you try to force doesn’t fool him either and his grip around you tightens slightly, his thumb stroking comforting circles on your side.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with that,” he murmurs, his voice steady but laced with concern. “That’s not how it’s supposed to be. I don’t like the way they’re treating you." You shake your head, brushing it off as though it was nothing.

“It’s fine, Chan. I mean, every workplace has issues. I just need to be tougher.” His jaw clenches, and you can see him holding back the frustration bubbling up. He doesn’t want to push too hard, but he also hates seeing you like this.

“Maybe, but this isn’t just a one-off thing. This keeps happening. You're always coming home upset or exhausted every other day, and it’s starting to affect you, whether you see it or not.” You glance at him, surprised by the firmness in his voice. His usual soft demeanour is still there, but there’s a certain intensity in his eyes now.

“I know you don’t want to quit, and I get that it’s hard to leave a job. But I need you to understand that this isn’t okay. No one should make you feel small or worthless—especially not at work.” You lower your head, fiddling with the hem of your shirt, unsure of how to respond. Part of you knows he’s right, but there’s another part that feels like quitting would be giving up. You'd worked hard to get where you were in your job and you didn't exactly feel like throwing it all away.

Sensing your hesitance, Chan squeezes your hand and speaks up again, his voice softening.

“Look, I’m not saying you have to make a decision right now. But I’ve been watching how this is affecting you for weeks, and it’s killing me to see you go through this.” He gently tilts your chin up, making sure your eyes meet his, your stomach twisting as you looked him in the eyes. You knew he was doing this because he loved you.

“I love you, and I just want to see you happy and treated the way you deserve to be. This job isn’t worth the toll it’s taking on you.” Letting out a shaky breath you nodded at him, tears threatening to form in your eyes.

“But what if I can’t find something else?” Chan pulls you even closer, his forehead resting against yours, holding you close to him. There was no way he was going to let you back out of quitting.

“You will. And even if it takes a little time, I’ll be here with you every step of the way. You’re incredible, and I know you’ll find something so much better than this toxic place.” You close your eyes, feeling the weight of his words sink in. He’s not just asking you to quit—he’s asking you to take care of yourself and you snuggled into him a little.

“Please, for me? I don’t want to see you like this anymore,” he whispers, his voice breaking slightly.

"I'll think about it," You whispered to him, sighing a little before he pulled you into his lap, promising you that you'd figure it out together.

MINHO:

You slam your bag down onto the kitchen counter, trying to keep your frustration in check, but the scowl on your face gives it away immediately. Minho, who’s lounging on the couch with his phone in hand, glances up. He doesn’t say anything at first, just watches you quietly. You start putting away groceries with more force than necessary, your movements sharp and tense. Minho finally breaks the silence and raises an eyebrow at you.

“Rough day?” You scoff, not bothering to hide your irritation. The two of you were an open book to one another and rarely hid how shit your day had been.

“You could say that.” He sits up, raising an eyebrow. He knew your workplace was giving you a hard time lately and he could see how frequently it had been becoming.

“What happened this time?” You hesitate, not wanting to get into it, but the words spill out before you can stop them. It was like you'd been waiting all day to finally let everything off your chest.

“It’s just... these people at work. They’re so passive-aggressive, and no one says anything to their faces. It’s like this unspoken thing where they gang up on whoever’s an easy target that day. And today? It was me.” You grumble harshly. Minho’s expression darkens, but he stays quiet as you rant, letting you get it all out since you clearly need it.

“I tried to ignore it, but it was constant—little comments, gossip, trying to make me look bad in front of the boss. It’s ridiculous! And the worst part is, everyone just acts like it’s normal.” You throw your hands up in frustration. “Like, am I supposed to just suck it up and carry on like nothing happened!?” Minho’s eyes narrow, and when he speaks, his voice is calm but laced with a sharp edge.

“So, they’re getting away with treating you like crap. And you’re just... letting them?” You freeze at his words, blinking in surprise. It wasn't like you wanted to be a human doormat.

“What else am I supposed to do, Minho? It’s not like I can just leave.”

He stands up, crossing the room toward you, his gaze never leaving your face.

“Why not?” You open your mouth to respond, but no words come out. He’s staring at you with that serious, unreadable look, the one that means he’s not going to let this go. Was he right? Could you just walk out?

“I get it. You think you need to tough it out, like somehow putting up with their nonsense makes you stronger. But it doesn’t. All it’s doing is making you miserable,” Minho says, his voice low but firm. “And you’re letting them win.” Your hands fall to your sides as the tension in your body starts to drain, replaced by confusion.

“I’m not letting them win—”

“Yes, you are.” Minho steps closer, his tone blunt but not unkind. You knew he was doing this for your own good and he was always blunt like this,

“By staying, by putting up with this crap, you’re letting them think it’s okay to treat you like that. And it’s not.” You chew on your bottom lip, trying to think of a way to argue back, but his words hit harder than you expected. He’s right, and deep down, you know it.

“I can’t just walk away from my job, Minho. It’s not that simple,” you say, your voice wavering. Minho tilts his head, his eyes softening just a little.

“I know it’s not simple. But what’s worse? Staying in a place where you’re treated like trash every day, or walking away with your dignity intact?” As soon as his words sunk in your tears began to fall and he looked at you,

“Look, you’re strong, baby. Stronger than any of those people will ever be. But that doesn’t mean you have to endure their garbage to prove it. There are better places—places that won’t tear you down like this.”

"What if I can't even find something else?" You sniffle a little and  Minho squeezes your hand, pulling you into his chest, his voice softening. He hated seeing you so down about all of this when he didn't have all the answers you needed.

“You will. You’re too talented not to. And even if it takes some time, you’ve got me. I’ll be with you through all of it, I'll support you through everything.” He reassured you and you turned into his arms, cuddling closer.

“But what if things get better at work?” you ask, though your voice is small, lacking conviction. You knew deep down that it wasn't going to get better, that it would more than likely get worse. Minho scoffed at you and stroked your back,

“You’ve been telling me the same story for months now. Do you really think it’s going to change?”

"Min-"

“You deserve better than this,” he says quietly, his chin resting on the top of your head. “I don’t want you coming home every night like this. Tired. Hurt. You think it’s no big deal, but I see it. It’s eating at you.” His voice drops lower, more serious now, you nodded weakly and he continued one.

“Don’t make me go down there and handle it myself, because I swear—”

“You wouldn’t.” Minho raises an eyebrow and smirks down at you.

“Try me.” You knew better than to try him on something and you nod, promising to talk to your boss on your next shift,

CHANGBIN:

You drag yourself through the front door, your shoulders sagging with exhaustion, and drop your bag on the floor. Changbin looks up from his laptop, immediately noticing the slump in your posture and the frown you’re trying to hide. He watches you for a few moments as you kick off your shoes and head straight for the kitchen, barely acknowledging him.

“Hey,” he calls out gently, standing up from the couch and walking toward you. “Everything okay?” You nod quickly, hoping to brush it off and climb into the bath you were planning on relaxing in all evening.

“Yeah, just a long day. Nothing new.” Changbin shook his head, he knew better than anyone how much shit your job was giving you. He follows you into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as you open the fridge, staring blankly at the contents.

“You sure about that? You look like you’ve been through the wringer.” You sigh, closing the fridge door with a little more force than necessary, unable to meet his eyes.

“It’s just the same people at work being annoying again. No big deal.”

Changbin frowns, sensing that you’re downplaying it. The last time you'd come home from work you'd been inconsolable for hours and he'd had to bribe you with food to talk.

“What did they do this time?” You knew you weren't supposed to keep anything from him and you didn't want to.

“They’re just... rude. It’s like they purposely go out of their way to make things harder for me. Talking behind my back, blaming me for things that aren’t my fault. And if I try to stand up for myself, it’s even worse.” Your voice cracks a little at the end, and you curse yourself for letting it show. You prided yourself on never letting your job get to you but lately, it was getting harder and harder to deal with. Changbin’s jaw tightened, and his arms crossed over his chest.

“That’s not okay. Why didn’t you tell me it was getting this bad?”

“I can handle it. It’s just... it’s work, you know? I have to deal with it.” You shrugged a little, wiping your cheeks from the tears, but Changbin wasn't buying it. His eyes narrow, and you can see the frustration building.

“Deal with it? You shouldn’t have to deal with it. No one should be treating you like that, especially at work. You're there to work, you should be treated with respect,”

“I know, but what am I supposed to do, Changbin? Quit? Walk out and never look back? I can’t do that.” He moves closer, his expression softening just a little, but his voice still firm.

“Why not? Is it really worth staying somewhere that treats you like garbage? Just last week you told me someone trashed your office.” You open your mouth to argue, but nothing comes out. His question lingers in the air, and you suddenly realize you don’t have a good answer.

“You’re coming home miserable almost every day. You’re tired, you’re frustrated, and it’s affecting you. You think I don’t notice, but I do. I hate seeing you like this.” He squeezed your hand a little, he didn't want you to feel like he was ganging up on you either but he'd noticed everything it was doing to you.

“I just... I don’t know what else to do,” you admit, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on you.

“I know it’s hard to walk away, but you deserve better than this. You’re letting them drag you down and you don't deserve that, baby." You look up at him, the tears threatening to spill over as the frustration and helplessness hit you all at once.

"What if I leave and it’s even worse somewhere else? What if I can't find anything else and I'm stuck jobless?” Changbin shakes his head, his voice resolute.

“No. You’re not going to end up somewhere worse because you’re better than this. You'll find somewhere to go where they treat you like the human being you are.”

"but-"

"And if you can't find something, I will support us in the meantime...You know it's always been an option," He reminds you, kissing the side of your head as you sighed a little and nodded.

"I'll speak to my boss tomorrow." You whisper, laying your head on his chest as he softly stroked your back.

HYUNJIN:

After the day from hell, you walk into the apartment, trying to keep your expression neutral, but Hyunjin immediately picks up on the tension radiating off of you. He’s sitting at the dining table, sketchbook in hand, but his attention shifts entirely to you the second you come in.

“Hey,” he says softly, closing his sketchbook and setting it aside. “Rough day?” You force a smile, waving him off as you toss your keys onto the table, looking at the bowl of fruit he was sketching.

“Just work stuff. Nothing new.” You smile weakly but he watches you carefully as you shuffle around the kitchen, pretending to be fine. He knew you better than that. He could sense it, your shoulders were slumped and you moved lazily around the room.

“Come here for a second,” he calls out, his voice gentle but firm. You swallowed the lump in your throat, looking at him from the corner of your eye, but eventually walked over to where he was sitting. The moment you’re close enough, he grabs your hand and pulls you onto his lap, his arms wrapping around you protectively.

“Talk to me,” he murmurs, his voice low and comforting. “What happened today?” You knew he was referring to the week before when you'd broken down and told him how awful your job was.

“It’s just... the same people at work. They were being extra rude today, and I just—I don’t know. It’s frustrating, but I’ll deal with it.” Hyunjin frowns, his grip tightening slightly around your waist.

“You always say that. That you’ll deal with it. But you keep coming home like this, and it’s starting to worry me. Do I need to come down there?” He asked with a smirk, trying to earn a smile from you but you just sighed, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“I just don’t want to make a big deal out of it. Everyone deals with difficult coworkers, right?” Hyunjin’s brows knit together in frustration.

“Yeah, but not everyone deals with being treated like this constantly. You don’t deserve it, and I hate that you think it’s just part of the job.” He pulls back slightly so he can look into your eyes, his gaze intense.

“Why are you putting up with this? You shouldn’t have to. This place is draining you, and it’s not okay.”

"It's not like I can quit, I don't have another job waiting for me. I don't want to be weak and quit," You grumble a little and his expression softens, and he cups your face gently in his hands, brushing a thumb over your cheek.

“You’re not weak for leaving a place that’s toxic. You’re strong for knowing when to prioritize yourself, your mental health matters baby.” You look away, still not entirely convinced.

“But what if it’s like this everywhere? What if I leave and end up in another job that’s just as bad? What if I leave and my next boss calls my old boss?” Hyunjin let out a soft sigh, resting his forehead against yours, he knew there was nothing he could do to reassure you but he was going to do his best to try.

“I can’t promise that everything will be perfect if you leave. But I can promise that staying in a place that’s treating you like this will only keep hurting you. You'll be pushed and pushed until you snap. And I don’t want that for you.” You knew he was right, you knew in your heart that all of this was going to be bad in the long run. You’ve been telling yourself that things would get better, but they haven’t. If anything, they’ve only gotten worse.

“I just... I feel like I’m stuck,” you admit quietly, the vulnerability in your voice breaking Hyunjin’s heart.

“You’re not stuck. You’re strong enough to walk away from things that aren’t good for you. And you don’t have to do it alone. I’ll be here, every step of the way.”

"Promise?" You whispered, glancing up at him as he nodded at you. His eyes scanned yours and he could see some of the weight lift from you.

JISUNG:

The second the door clicks shut behind you, Jisung’s head pops up from the couch, his smile immediately faltering when he sees the exhausted look on your face. You'd clearly had another bad day at work,

“Hey,” he calls softly, concern already creeping into his voice.

"Shitty day?" He asked as you nodded and forced a smile onto your face. You threw your bag down into a chair and fell onto the sofa,

"you could say that again," you grumbled at him,

“What happened this time? Was it that bitch in accounting? Shanny? I can go down there if you want,” he smirked at you but you shook your head at him. You'd told Jisung all of the things that had been happening but clearly, it was worse.

“Just the same bullshit just a different day. Nothing new." Jisung frowns, his brows knitting together.

“Nothing new, huh? You’ve been saying that a lot lately.” You sigh at him and cuddle into the sofa cushions,

“I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s just work. Everyone deals with difficult people.” Jisung stared at you,

"Sure, difficult people but this isn't the same baby. You're dealing with bullshit that shouldn't even be at your fucking workplace. You told me Shanny was spreading lies,"

"Yeah but-"

"No buts, baby. No one should have to deal with the stuff you’re going through. It’s been months of this, and I can see how much it’s wearing you down.” You stay silent, not wanting to admit how right he is. The constant microaggressions, the gossip, the passive-aggressive comments—it’s all become routine, something you’ve convinced yourself you just have to endure.

“You don’t have to act like it’s okay, you know? It’s not. It’s not okay for them to treat you like that. You should say something or leave.” you knew saying something would get you nowhere, the boss was worse.

“I can handle it,” you mumble, almost more to convince yourself than him. Jisung shook his head at you,

"I have no doubt you can, baby. But my point is that you shouldn't have to handle it. You shouldn't be coming home every single day stressed or getting upset every day you have to go to work." He looks at you

"Anyone with eyes can see this job is ripping you apart," You look up at him, your eyes meeting his, and for the first time, you realize how much this has been affecting him, too. He’s always there, always comforting, but you can see the worry etched into his expression.

“I don’t know what else to do, Jisung,” you admit quietly, tears rolling down your face as you finally let everything out.

"You're quitting, you're going to find something else." He told you sternly.

"What if there's nothing out there?" Jisung’s eyes soften, his hands cupping your face gently.

“I know you’re scared, unemployment is scary but baby...I'm not going to sit here and let you get treated like this. I don't give a shit if it takes you a week or years to find your next job, you're not going back there." He told you and you chewed on your bottom lip,

"What if I regret leaving?"

"You won't. But I know for a fact you'll regret it if you stay." He looked at you,

"Take some holiday days...take some day...but baby there's no way I'm letting you go back to work there full time." He wasn't the type to tell you what to do or control you but this job was hell, anyone could see it.

"You mean it right...You'll support me?"

"With everything inside of me," He promised.

FELIX:

As soon as you'd walked in earlier that night Felix knew something was off but you'd gone straight for a shower without even greeting him until now.

"Hi," You mumble a little as you join him in the living room, looking forward to a night of gaming on the sofa with him but he sets the controller aside instantly.

"Long day?” he questioned, opening his arms for you as you crawled into them.

“You could say that.” Felix’s brow furrows and he stroked your back softly. He knew something was bothering you about work but you'd refused to talk to him about it,

“What happened?” he asks softly, you knew you weren't gonna hide it from him for long and you let out a small sigh, not really in the mood to talk about it, but knowing Felix won’t let it go until you do. 

“The same as usual. Just people at work being... difficult.”

“You’ve been saying that for weeks but you're not actually telling me what's going on.” He reminded you but you shrugged it off,

"It’s nothing I can’t handle. Everyone deals with this stuff at work.” He sighs, his voice dropping to a softer, more concerned tone. 

“Every day I watch you drag yourself out of bed and force yourself to go...You’re not supposed to dread going to work.” His eyes are filled with worry, the deep brown of his gaze searching your face for answers. 

“Is it really bad?” You let out a long breath, your defences starting to crumble under his gentle persistence. 

“It’s... it’s exhausting...a-awful... They’re always talking behind my back, making me feel like nothing I do is good enough. Last week we held a small party for Martha's birthday and it was like I couldn't have done a single thing right for anyone there...It’s like I can’t win no matter what I do.”

"That’s not okay, love. You shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of treatment. They’re bullying you, and you don’t deserve it.”

“But I can’t just quit. I need the job. What am I supposed to do, Felix? Walk away and hope something better comes along? Or sit and mooch off you because you're working in the idol business?” You rolled your eyes, you hated that idea but he pulled you into his arms, holding you close as he rested his chin on your head. His voice is soft but firm, a mix of comfort and seriousness. 

“Yes. Because you deserve better than this, I'm not saying mooch off me but taking some time away...finding something better suited for you is better than staying in that shit hole.” You smiled softly at the thought of finally leaving a place that made you want to cry every single day,

“I just want you to be happy, love. And if leaving is what it takes for you to find that happiness again, then I’ll support you every step of the way.” You sniffled a little, nodding your head at him.

"I'll put in my notice and take two weeks off from the holidays they owe me," You smirked at the thought, having confidence from Felix to be able to leave somewhere bad for you.

SEUNGMIN:

"I ordered your favourite takeout and-" Seungmin stopped himself as you

tossed your bag onto the floor with a sigh before looking like you were ready to rip your hair out. He takes one look at your face and immediately knows something’s wrong.

“Bad day?” He asks with a small smile and you scoff at him,

"Understatement of the year," you huffed, dropping down onto the kitchen chair beside him and he stared at you, reaching out he slowly stroked your back,

"You wanna talk about it?" He knew there were bad days at work but lately, it seemed all of your days were bad when it came to that place.

“Same shit different day," Was all you said before he stared at you,

"What happened this time?” You smiled weakly at the thought of him knowing it was something going on,

“Just the usual,” you mutter. “People talking behind my back, making me feel like I can’t do anything right. Reporting shit to the boss that I didn't even do by the way. Telling him I was mishandling customers when I wasn't it was somebody else, but who gives a shit? Not my boss because he didn't even care to do a proper investigation just took Karen's fucking word for it,” You rambled off in almost one breath and Seungmin’s brow furrows, his lips pressing into a thin line.

“That’s not just the usual. That’s harassment.” You turn to face him, leaning against the table on your elbows. 

“I don’t know... Maybe I’m overreacting. Everyone has to deal with annoying coworkers at some point, right? You had shit at work...” Seungmin shook his head at you,

"Annoying coworkers are one thing, baby. But if they’re making you feel like this every single day, it’s not normal. Your boss should have done a proper job too.” You sigh, rubbing your temples and shaking your head, You were probably being dramatic, you had the weekend off you could focus for a while,

“I can handle it. I just need to push through.” Seungmin squeezed your thigh under the table,

“Why are you so determined to stay in a place that’s treating you like this? It’s wearing you down, and I can see it...You shouldn't have to deal with this shit,"

"What should I do? Quit?" You joked but you could see the serious expression on your boyfriend's face,

"I mean...why not?" He questioned and you looked away, 

“It’s not that simple...” you mumbled a little,

“I know it’s not simple. But you’re coming home every day looking more and more exhausted. This place is toxic, and it’s not getting better.” You knew he was right,

"But quitting? That's the coward's way out-"

"Don't you dare! You quitting that job would be best for your mental health. Do you know how hard it is to watch you go to work every day? I watch you force yourself into the car on the verge of tears and watch you come home even worse." he stroked your back softly and you blinked the tears away.

"True, but it might get better...K-Karen is leaving soon and-"

"And they'll replace her with someone the same...or worse. You know it and I know it, baby." He sighed and you looked down at your hands,

"What if I'm not good enough for anything else?" You whispered, your insecurities getting the better of you,

"I know for a fact you can do whatever you put your mind to, princess," he whispered and kissed your cheek softly.

"We'll look over the weekend okay? A new job...new place, we'll find something." He promised you.

JEONGIN:

“Hey, you’re home!” Jeongin says cheerfully, pushing himself up to sit properly. But his smile falters when he notices your tired expression, your slouched posture. It was clear you'd had an awful day and he felt his stomach sink,

“You okay?” You offer a small nod, but Jeongin isn’t convinced. You looked like you were about to burst into tears at any given second,

“Yeah, just... work.” He watches you closely, his eyes narrowing slightly as you drop your bag on the floor and head toward the kitchen.

“Just work? You’ve been saying that a lot lately.” He stated as he got up from the sofa and made his way over to you.

“It’s nothing, Innie. I Can handle it. Just some annoying people at the office. You know how it is.” Jeongin bites his lip, his brow furrowing as he stands up and follows you.

“Yeah, but it’s been weeks of this, hasn’t it? Every time you come home, you look... drained...You say it's just work but you're losing yourself...” You shake your head, trying to brush it off.

“It’s fine. Everyone has to deal with difficult people at work, and everyone goes home and fixes it alone”

"Sure...but not everyone deals with someone who belittles them every chance they get...Your boss treats you like a fucking maid and his personal assistant," You looked down at your hands

“I can deal with it, Jeongin. It’s just part of the job.” Jeongin scoffs at you and He doesn’t look convinced, his arms still crossed tightly over his chest.

“But why should you have to? Why should you keep dealing with a place that’s making you so unhappy?”

"This is the job of my dreams, Innie."

"Sure. If you were doing what you were told the job was but you're not. That arsehole is making you work as his assistant instead of the job you applied for,"

"I have to work my way up,"

"You've said that for years yet men he's hiring are working their way above you faster," You knew he was right. Your boss was a misogynistic dick who would only hire you because HR was breathing down his neck.

"This job is killing you,"

"but what if I can't find anything else..." You whispered, trailing off as you glanced up at Jeongin,

“You won’t know until you try. And even if it’s hard, I’ll be right here with you, okay? We’ll figure it out together.” He pulls you into a gentle hug, his arms wrapping around you as if he’s trying to shield you from all the worries and doubts weighing you down. His voice is quiet but firm as he whispers into your hair,

“You don’t have to do this by yourself. I’ll be here, whatever you decide.” You nod and close your eyes, enjoying the feeling of being close to him after the shitty day you'd had and you sigh a little.

"I'll think on it."

@chiisaiblog @sw33tnight @kaitieskidmore97 @laylasbunbunny @stayconnecteed @saymyspringrain @toplinehyunjin @katnisspeetaprim @acciocriativity @just-aelia @choisoorin @straykids5star @midnightfrog625 @beccaskz @scarletemeterio @halesandy @junhannies @gothic4under4lord @lixie-phoria @soulphoenix1618 @aerastus @jin-from-the-block @lensfilm @elizaschuyler18 @piratequeen-impact @kpopsstuffs @chaeyoungs @delulu18 @xyahrinx @katsukis1wife @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @blairscott @4-chan-inpadella @niktwazny303 @moonlight-the-writer @armystay89 @hadassahchan @yxngbxkkie @s3ungm1nxxl0ve

[solxamber]

Kind of want to see how you write White Rabbit!Reader overbloting with the TWST characters.

On your rules, it didn't state whether or not you wrote angst or not, soooooo......

I imagine while everyone else sees it as just teasing anxious/shy beastman, White Rabbit!Reader doesn't find it funny at all and finds it kind of insulting that people are willing to tease them in some shape or form or even try to rope them into a deal.

TBH, if I was White Rabbit!Reader, I would feel insulted or agitated that people are willing to take advantage of them.

Thank you for the request, I hope you like it <3

Part 1 with the characters interaction with white rabbit!reader

You’ve always been the nervous type. Jumpy, shy, the sort of person people look at and think, Ah, easy to tease. It’s not like you want to be like this, constantly on edge, always trying to avoid the next embarrassment. But that’s just how things are, right? No one really sees you, not beyond the anxious White Rabbit who always stumbles over their words and drops paperwork.

Everyone thinks it’s harmless. The playful teasing, the way they poke at you like it’s some kind of game. You try to smile, laugh it off, and pretend like it doesn’t bother you. But inside? It’s different. It’s not funny. It’s exhausting. Day after day, week after week—there’s only so much you can take before the cracks start to show.

As you fall deeper into your overblot, surrounded by thick, inky shadows and an overwhelming sense of betrayal, each of them reacts differently. They’ve never seen you like this before—never imagined you’d reach a breaking point. But here you are, consumed by magic, frustration, and the hurt they didn’t realize they’d inflicted.

Riddle Rosehearts:

Riddle is the first to react, freezing in place as memories of his own overblot flood back. He knows what it’s like to snap under the pressure, to feel like the world is pressing down on you with impossible expectations. But seeing you, someone so quiet and timid, become consumed by that darkness? It hits him harder than he expected.

“White Rabbit…” he mutters, voice tight, guilt pooling in his chest. He knows what it’s like to feel trapped by rules, but he never thought his teasing could push someone to this. The weight of his own overblot sits heavily in his gut. He had no right to let his frustrations out on you, to not recognize the burden you were carrying.

“Enough!” he shouts, not to you, but to the others. “This is my fault… I should’ve noticed.” He’s desperate to keep you from making the same mistakes he did.

Trey Clover:

Trey is shocked but calm, his expression unreadable as he watches the chaos unfold around you. He thought he knew you, thought you were just shy, a bit anxious. But this? This darkness swirling around you? It tells him how badly he misread things.

“I didn’t realize…” he admits under his breath. Trey has always been the ‘caretaker,’ the calm one, but he wonders now if his casual teasing and pushing you along without addressing your stress was a mistake. “I never meant for things to go this far.” He takes a step forward, hoping to pull you back from the brink.

“I’ll help you,” Trey says, trying to reach through the rage and chaos. “You’re not alone in this.”

Cater Diamond:

Cater flinches when he sees your overblot form, a deep pang of guilt hitting him. He had always laughed off your reactions, thinking you were just a little skittish. Maybe he even found it cute in a weird way. But now, seeing the result of all those moments, he’s not laughing anymore.

“Whoa… I didn’t think—” He cuts himself off, realizing there’s no way to make light of this. His chest tightens with anxiety, memories of watching Riddle’s overblot flood his mind. He’s always been the type to avoid confrontation, to stay on the sidelines and keep things light. But now, he feels guilty for not paying more attention to your feelings.

“I didn’t mean for it to go this far,” Cater says softly, watching the chaos unravel. “Come on, this isn’t like you…”

Ace Trappola:

Ace is terrified but refuses to show it, the smirk on his face slipping into something much more serious as he watches you spiral. He knew you were jumpy, but he never expected this from you. The thought that his teasing, his joking around, might’ve actually hurt you? It’s a hard pill to swallow.

“Damn… you’re really pissed, huh?” Ace mutters, trying to keep his voice light, but the guilt creeps in. He remembers when Riddle overblotted, how terrifying that was. He wonders if this is how you felt back then—small, powerless, cornered.

“I didn’t mean to push you so hard, okay?” he says, raising his hands defensively. He takes a step forward, though he’s still uncertain. “We’ll fix this, alright? You don’t have to do it alone.”

Deuce Spade:

Deuce’s heart races as he watches you overblot, his mind scrambling to process what’s happening. He never wanted to make you feel like this. You were his friend, and he thought the teasing was just harmless fun. But now? Now he sees how wrong he was.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Deuce shouts, stepping forward, fists clenched. He remembers when he lost control of his temper, how it felt like the world was collapsing around him. And now, you’re going through the same thing. “I didn’t mean it! I swear, I didn’t think—”

He feels sick, watching the darkness consume you. He knows what it’s like to feel cornered, but he can’t bear to see you fall apart like this. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m right here.”

Leona Kingscholar:

Leona watches your overblot unfold with a cold, calculating gaze, his own memories of overblot lurking in the back of his mind. He knows what it’s like to reach your breaking point, to feel like you’ve been pushed too far by the world around you. But seeing you, so jittery and anxious, transform into something so full of rage and power? It catches him off guard.

“Tch. Should’ve seen this coming,” Leona mutters, though his voice lacks its usual bite. He remembers the humiliation of his own overblot, the way it felt to be consumed by bitterness and frustration. He won’t admit it, but he feels a flicker of empathy for you.

“Don’t get cocky just because you snapped,” he says, stepping forward. “You think you’re the only one who’s been pushed too far? Get a grip.” But behind his harsh words is a hint of understanding. He knows this darkness all too well.

Ruggie Bucchi:

Ruggie’s first instinct is to run, to get as far away from the chaos as possible. But then he hesitates, seeing the pain etched into your overblotted form. He knew you were an easy target for teasing, but he never meant for things to get this bad. You’re just the anxious bunny who always jumped at shadows, right?

“Ah, man…” Ruggie rubs the back of his neck, feeling a pang of guilt. “Didn’t mean to push ya so hard.” He understands what it’s like to be at the bottom, to feel like people are using you. It’s something he’s lived with his whole life.

“Look, I get it. Everyone pushes you around, huh?” Ruggie says, his voice softer now. “But this ain’t the way to deal with it. We can figure this out, alright?”

Jack Howl:

Jack’s eyes widen as he sees the darkness surge around you. He’s always respected your timid nature, never the type to tease you like the others. But still, he didn’t realize how much pressure you were under, how deeply the teasing had cut. Seeing you overblot like this—it makes him feel guilty for not stepping in sooner.

“You...” Jack mutters, his voice filled with concern. He knows what it’s like to feel small and powerless, but he never imagined you’d reach this point. “I should’ve stopped them. I should’ve said something earlier.”

His instincts kick in, and he steps forward, determined to help you. “You don’t have to go through this alone. We’re packmates, right? I won’t let this take you.” He braces himself for whatever comes next, ready to face the storm by your side.

Azul Ashengrotto:

Azul’s eyes widen in shock, but a familiar pang of guilt hits him. Seeing you succumb to an overblot drags up memories of his own, the crushing weight of failure and inferiority pressing down on him. He had worked so hard to keep himself from feeling powerless, just as you had kept trying to stay in control.

“Not again…” Azul mutters to himself, his mind flashing back to when he was in your shoes. He had been mocked, taken advantage of, and pushed to the edge—just like you. But he realizes now how unfair it was to tease you, to make you feel as though your anxiety and insecurity were something to exploit.

He straightens up, trying to shake off his own feelings. “I won’t let you go through what I did. I’ll help you, White Rabbit.” He knows what it’s like to drown in despair, and he won’t let you be consumed by it.

Jade Leech:

Jade’s smile falters, his gaze sharp and observant as he watches your overblot unfold. To him, you had always been the anxious little White Rabbit, easy to fluster, easy to toy with. But now, seeing the raw fury and pain that has overtaken you, he wonders if he pushed too far.

“Fascinating,” he murmurs softly, though there’s a note of regret in his voice. He had always found your reactions amusing, but he never thought it would come to this. He’s not entirely unfamiliar with what it feels like to be pushed beyond one’s limit. But even so, this wasn’t what he intended.

“I wonder…” Jade steps forward slowly, voice calm. “What can be done to quell this storm?” His tone is smooth, but there’s a genuine desire to help beneath it.

Floyd Leech:

Floyd grins at first, excited by the chaos, but his grin quickly fades when he realizes how serious this is. He’s seen overblots before, but yours? It’s different. He thought messing with you was fun—seeing you all flustered and scared always gave him a good time. But now? Now, he’s not so sure.

“Oi, Rabbity” Floyd says, tilting his head. “I didn’t think you’d snap like this.” There’s a note of surprise in his voice, even a little bit of guilt. He knows what it’s like to be driven to the edge, to feel like everything is just too much, but he never thought you’d end up like this.

“Come on, don’t be boring. Let’s stop this,” Floyd says, his voice still playful, but there’s concern in his eyes.

Kalim Al-Asim:

Kalim’s heart breaks as he sees you overblot. You were always so quiet, so nervous, and he never imagined that all the teasing, all the casual comments, could push you to this point. He’s never experienced an overblot himself, but he’s seen it before—he saw Jamil’s, after all—and he knows how much pain must be inside you right now.

“I’m so sorry!” Kalim cries, rushing toward you. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like this! Please, [Name], I never wanted to hurt you!” There’s desperation in his voice as he tries to reach through the swirling darkness to get to you.

“We’re friends, right? I’ll help you! I promise!”

Jamil Viper:

Jamil’s stomach churns as he watches the darkness swallow you. It’s a feeling he knows intimately, the suffocating need for control and the constant pressure to serve, only to snap under it all. His own overblot had been a rebellion, an explosion of resentment he could no longer contain.

But you? You were different—or so he thought. Now he sees it clearly: you’ve been pushed into a corner, taken advantage of just like he was. A bitter taste fills his mouth.

He calls out to you, voice steady but not unfeeling. “Overblotting won’t free you. Trust me, I’ve been there. It might feel like the only option right now, but in the end, you’ll still be trapped—just in a different kind of cage.”

He takes a slow step closer, his mind already working through how to defuse the situation. “Let’s solve this another way. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

Vil Schoenheit:

Vil watches your transformation with narrowed eyes, his heart clenched in a mixture of anger and regret. He knows all too well the feeling of perfection slipping through his fingers, the desperation to control everything, only to lose it all. His own overblot was a moment of utter failure, a lapse in control that still stings his pride.

But this is different—your overblot is not about vanity or the fear of fading. It’s about being pushed, teased, and broken.

He steps forward, his voice sharp but laced with an undertone of empathy. “Is this what you want? To lose yourself because of what others think?” His gaze hardens, but there’s a flicker of recognition in his eyes. “I understand your frustration. I’ve been where you are, and trust me—overblotting won’t make it any better. It’ll only steal more from you.”

Vil may be harsh, but his words carry the weight of someone who’s learned a bitter lesson. “Come back to yourself, or you’ll regret it.”

Rook Hunt:

Rook’s eyes light up with both fascination and concern as he watches the darkness surround you. He’s always been keenly aware of people’s emotions, but he never realized just how much you were struggling. He thought your nervousness was simply part of your charm, but now he sees how deeply the teasing cut.

“Mon lapin, such fury!” Rook exclaims, though there’s a softness in his tone. “I never meant to push you so far. I only wished to see you shine, but I see now that I have caused you harm.”

Rook steps forward, his voice gentle. “Let me help you find your way back to the light.”

Epel Felmier:

Epel feels a pang of guilt as he watches you overblot. He thought you were just shy, just a little jumpy, and he didn’t think much of the teasing. But now, seeing the darkness consume you, he realizes how much you were holding back.

“Dang it…” Epel mutters, clenching his fists. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He knows what it’s like to feel underestimated, to feel like you’re being pushed around, and he can’t help but feel responsible for not standing up for you sooner.

“Come on, we’re better than this! Don’t let them get to you like this!"

Idia Shroud:

Idia feels a wave of guilt wash over him as he watches your overblot. Memories of his own overblot come flooding back—the fear, the anger, the feeling of being utterly powerless. He knows what it’s like to feel like the world is against you, and seeing you go through the same thing? It hits too close to home.

“Ah, crap…” Idia mutters, running a hand through his hair. He’s been there, and it’s terrifying. The isolation, the pressure, the overwhelming urge to just… break. He never thought you’d reach that point, though. He always saw you as the timid one, the anxious White Rabbit that everyone teased, but he didn’t realize just how much you were holding in.

“I-I get it,” Idia says, his voice wavering slightly. “It’s not fair. None of it is. But you don’t have to do this.” He feels a strange connection to you now, and the last thing he wants is for you to go through what he did.

“We’ll figure it out, okay? I won’t let you end up like me.”

Ortho Shroud:

Ortho’s sensors flash in alarm as he registers your overblot. He’s never experienced one himself, but he’s seen it happen to Idia, and he knows how dangerous it can be. His eyes widen as he scans your vitals, detecting the surge of magic and stress that’s overtaking you.

“You’re overblotting!” Ortho shouts, his voice filled with concern. He hovers closer, his holographic wings fluttering as he tries to figure out how to help. “You don’t have to go through this alone! We can fix this! I promise!”

He reaches out, trying to connect with you on a personal level. “My brother went through something similar, but we helped him. We’ll help you too! You’re not alone, okay?”

Malleus Draconia:

Malleus watches your overblot with a calm, contemplative gaze. He’s no stranger to feeling isolated, to being misunderstood and feared, and seeing you succumb to the darkness brings up a strange sense of kinship. You were always anxious around him, always jumpy, and he wonders if he contributed to the pressure that broke you.

“So, even the White Rabbit has fallen to despair,” Malleus murmurs, his voice low. He knows the weight of loneliness, and he feels a deep sympathy for you. “You are not alone in this,.I will help you, as you have helped me.”

He steps forward, his presence commanding and calm. “Do not let the darkness consume you. You are stronger than you believe.”

Lilia Vanrouge:

Lilia’s playful demeanor shifts as he watches your overblot unfold. He’s lived a long life and seen many things, but overblots are always tragic. He thought your timid nature was just part of who you were, but now he sees the pain you were hiding.

“My, my… I didn’t think you’d reach this point,” Lilia says softly. “I should’ve paid more attention to the signs.” There’s regret in his voice as he steps forward, his usual playful tone replaced with seriousness.

“Come now, little one. There’s no need to let the darkness take you. We’ll get through this together.”

Sebek Zigvolt:

Sebek is taken aback by your overblot, his usually brash demeanor faltering for a moment. He thought you were just weak, just anxious, but now he sees how much pressure you were under. He didn’t expect you to snap like this.

“White Rabbit! Pull yourself together!” Sebek shouts, though there’s a hint of concern in his voice. He’s not good at dealing with emotions, but he knows what it’s like to feel like you’re not living up to expectations.

“Don’t let this consume you! You’re stronger than this!”

Silver:

Silver watches you overblot with a calm but concerned expression. He’s always been quiet, like you, and he knows what it’s like to feel overwhelmed by the expectations of others. He didn’t think the teasing would push you this far, but now he regrets not stepping in sooner.

“I should’ve noticed,” Silver says softly. “I should’ve done more to help you.” He steps forward, his voice gentle. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here.”

Rollo Flamme

Rollo’s eyes blaze with a mixture of horror and triumph as he watches you descend into your overblot. The corruption seeping through your veins, the monstrous form taking shape—it only reinforces everything he’s ever believed about the dangers of magic, especially from those at NRC.

“This is exactly what I’ve warned against,” he mutters, his voice cold. He steps back, disgust etched on his face as he tightens his grip on his staff. “Another student, corrupted by the very environment they’re surrounded by.”

He glares at the swirling darkness around you, his hatred for Night Raven College deepening. “This place… it turns even the meekest into monsters. You should’ve never come here.”

Yet, despite his disdain, there’s a flicker of pity in his eyes. “ I had hoped you’d be different.” But that hope has been dashed, and now, all he sees is confirmation of his worst fears.

Dire Crowley:

Crowley stands frozen for a moment, his usual air of superiority faltering as the gravity of the situation hits him. “[Name]… an overblot? How could this happen under my watch?” His voice is laced with disbelief, but it’s quickly replaced by a sense of urgency.

“This is most unfortunate!” he exclaims, hands fluttering in a dramatic display of panic. “But do not fear, my dear student, your magnanimous headmaster will ensure that you are saved!”

Despite his outward bravado, there’s a flicker of guilt in his eyes. He knew how much you struggled, but he never paid enough attention. Always too busy, always passing off the responsibility to others.

“Now, let’s remain calm, everyone!” he declares, trying to rally the other students. “We must contain the situation! For the good of the school, of course.”

Divus Crewel:

Crewel’s sharp eyes narrow as he takes in the scene, the dark magic radiating off you in waves. He’s trained many students, seen plenty of potential disasters, but this… this is something he should have seen coming.

“Overblot?” he mutters, shaking his head. “Honestly, pup, I expected better from you. Letting your emotions take control? That’s a rookie mistake.”

His words are biting, but there’s a hint of something softer beneath them. He doesn’t pity you, but he understands the pressure you’ve been under. He’s seen students buckle before, and now it’s happening again.

“You’re better than this,” he says, his voice dropping lower. “Get a hold of yourself before you do something truly irreversible. Or do I have to clean up your mess, too?”

Crewel doesn’t tolerate weakness, but he’s not about to let you fall without trying to snap you out of it.

Mozus Trein:

Trein’s stern gaze hardens as he watches the chaos unfold. There’s no surprise in his eyes, only a deep, resigned understanding. “Another overblot…” he mutters under his breath, his face grave but composed. “You, of all people…”

He adjusts his glasses, his expression lined with disappointment. “It is always the quiet ones, the ones who bottle their emotions until they explode. I should have seen it coming.”

Trein steps forward, his voice measured and calm despite the swirling darkness around you. “Magic is a gift, not a tool for reckless venting of one’s frustrations. Overblotting won’t bring you peace, only further destruction.”

Though his words are stern, there’s a flicker of sympathy in his eyes. He’s seen too many students fall victim to their own emotions, and he knows that sometimes, the weight of expectations and pressure is too much for anyone to bear.

“Control yourself,” he says, his tone softening slightly. “You are not the first to feel overwhelmed, but you must find another way to deal with it.” His words are laced with the wisdom of experience, but whether or not you hear them in your current state is another matter entirely.

Ashton Vargas:

Vargas frowns, confusion etched on his face as he watches your overblot unfold. You? The shy, anxious student who could barely run a lap? He never expected you’d be capable of this.

“Whoa, hold on!” he shouts, rushing forward with the same intensity he brings to every physical challenge. “What’s going on here? Overblotting isn’t the answer! You need to sweat it out, not let it take over!”

His approach is as straightforward as ever, but there’s a genuine concern in his voice. He’s used to pushing his students to their limits, but he never meant for you to break like this.

“Come on,” he says, raising his voice like a coach urging you to keep going. “You’re stronger than this! Fight it! Don’t let the darkness win!”

Sam:

Sam watches from the shadows, his usual carefree smile slipping as he observes your overblot. “Well, well, looks like things got a little out of hand, huh?” His tone is light, but there’s an underlying seriousness that’s hard to miss.

He’s seen plenty of students walk through his shop, weighed down by their struggles, but you? You were always so jittery, so nervous. He never thought you’d snap like this.

“Hey now,” he calls out, his voice steady and calm. “You don’t want to go down this path. Trust me, there’s no deal worth making with that kind of power.”

He steps closer, keeping his movements slow and unthreatening. “Let’s talk it out, yeah? No need to let this magic get the best of you. After all, you’ve still got plenty of life left in you—and it’s worth more than whatever this overblot’s promising.”

Sam’s no stranger to dark magic, but he’s not about to let you drown in it without a fight.

Grim:

Grim's reaction to your overblot would be a mix of shock, fear, and frustration. Despite his usual bravado, seeing you consumed by darkness would unsettle him deeply. He paces back and forth, tail puffed up and ears flat against his head.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are ya doin', henchman? This isn't part of the plan!" Grim yelps, his voice a bit shaky despite the tough front. He jumps back as the overblot's magic flares, eyes wide. "You can't just let that dark stuff take over! You’re better than this!"

Despite his fear, Grim tries to stand tall, though his usual cockiness is nowhere to be seen. “I know you're mad and tired of gettin' pushed around, but trust me, this isn’t the way! You think I wanna lose my partner to some shadowy overblot nonsense?”

His little paws are clenched into fists as he edges closer, determined. “We’ve gotta fight this! You’ve still got me, right? I’m not lettin’ you go without a fight!”

Masterlist

[tqlepatiia]

words we can’t take back | b. barnes

masterlist | pt.2

summary: after a mission gone wrong, bucky lashes out, leaving y/n hurt by his harsh words. now drowning in guilt, bucky must find a way to apologize before it’s too late, but y/n isn’t ready to forgive so easily. can he fix what’s been broken?

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: angst, emotional distress, heartbreak, toxic relationship dynamics, arguments, mention of mental health struggles, potential triggers related to emotional abuse, strong language, and feelings of inadequacy.

word count: 5.9k

The mission had been a disaster from the start. Tension crackled in the air, the kind that always seemed to precede trouble. Bucky Barnes felt it in his bones, a tightness that grew with every wrong turn. It had been a simple extraction, but when they walked into a trap, chaos erupted. The sounds of gunfire ricocheted around him, the explosions reverberating through his chest like a war drum, drowning out his thoughts. But when he glanced at you—his partner, his anchor—something twisted in his gut.

In the aftermath, the wreckage of what had gone wrong stretched before him. Bodies lay scattered, their lifeless forms stark against the smoky haze, and the acrid scent of burning metal stung his nostrils. You stood there, bruises marring your skin, and your eyes, once sharp and defiant, now dulled by exhaustion. Bucky had seen too much, been through too much, and the anger inside him simmered, ready to boil over. How could this have gone so wrong?

“What the hell were you thinking?” he snapped, his voice a harsh whip in the stillness. His jaw was clenched, and his glare could’ve burned holes into you. “You almost got yourself fucking killed, you know that?”

Your breath caught, heart sinking at the venom in his tone. “I was doing my job, Bucky. I thought you had my back.”

“Had your back?” He stepped closer, fists clenching at his sides, every muscle taut with pent-up fury. The adrenaline from the fight morphed into something more destructive. “You’re a goddamn liability! You keep throwing yourself into danger like you can’t be hurt. What the hell is wrong with you?”

The words hit you like a punch, each one a jagged edge cutting deeper than the last. You could feel the weight of his anger pressing down on you, suffocating. “I didn’t ask for a babysitter,” you shot back, bitterness lacing your voice. “Maybe I’m the one who should be questioning if you’re fit to be my partner!”

Bucky’s expression hardened, eyes narrowing like a predator’s. This isn’t just about the mission, he thought, grappling with the frustration of watching you walk into danger. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have to worry about saving your ass all the damn time. If I wanted to deal with this shit, I’d find someone who actually knew how to handle themselves. I’m sick of dragging you through every godforsaken fight!”

Every accusation felt like a dagger, twisting in the wound he had just opened. You could see the pain and anger simmering in his eyes, but it was all directed at you. “You think I wanted this? I’m not the one who fucked up in the field! I thought we were a team!”

His laugh was bitter, devoid of humor, echoing against the wreckage around you. “Team? That’s a joke. You don’t get to call it a team when I’m the one stuck cleaning up your shit. I’m done with it. You’re not my equal; you’re just a goddamn burden.”

The air grew thick with tension, and you fought back tears, the tremor in your hands betraying you. “Maybe I should just leave, then,” you said, voice trembling but defiant. “If I’m such a problem, why don’t you find someone who doesn’t drag you down?”

The silence that followed was deafening. You turned away, trying to keep your composure, but you could feel his gaze burning into your back—a mix of anger and something softer, more vulnerable, that he refused to acknowledge. His heart pounded as the realization hit him: I pushed her away when she needed me the most. What the hell was I thinking?

As you walked away, the weight of his words hung heavily in the air between you, suffocating. Each step felt like a fracture in your heart, the distance growing more unbearable with every inch. Bucky stood there, feeling the echoes of his harshness fill the void where your connection once thrived. The realization settled in, and he knew this wasn’t over. How the hell do I fix this?

But as the dust settled around him, all he could feel was emptiness, a tidal wave of regret crashing over him, leaving him alone in the aftermath of his own making.

Days blurred together into an indistinguishable mess. The tension between you and Bucky hung thick in the air, suffocating, wrapping around him like a vice grip. He paced the empty halls of the compound, the rhythmic echo of his boots against the cold metal floors mirrored the chaos in his mind. Each step felt heavier than the last, a relentless reminder of the moment that played on a loop in his head—the hurt in your eyes when his careless words had cut deep.

Memories flooded back: your laughter in the training room, the way you encouraged him during his darkest moments. He had crossed a line he never intended to, letting his anger spew out like poison, each word a dagger aimed straight at your heart. Guilt clawed at him, a beast gnawing at his insides, turning his stomach into knots. Every time he caught a glimpse of you, it felt like a punch to the gut, the weight of regret settling like a stone in his chest.

The silence of the compound was palpable, broken only by the distant hum of machinery. He’d find you in the training room, pouring every ounce of your energy into your workout, the fierce determination radiating off you like a fire. Your tear-streaked face haunted him, a ghost he couldn’t shake. You weren’t just a teammate; you were everything to him. The thought of losing you felt like ice water dousing his heart, leaving him gasping for air, desperate to rewind time.

“Hey, Buck,” Sam said one day, leaning casually against the wall, arms crossed, the faint scent of sweat and metal mingling in the air. “You good, or are you just gonna sulk like an old man all day?”

“Yeah, sure,” Bucky shot back, the lie tasting bitter on his tongue, his eyes averted. He could feel Sam’s scrutinizing gaze piercing through his façade.

“Seriously, man, you think I can't see through that? There’s a damn storm brewing in that head of yours,” Sam pressed, his tone a mix of concern and teasing familiarity. “You gotta talk to her. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s like watching a damn dog chase its own tail—ain’t gonna end well, and I’m not about to sit here and watch you make a mess of it.”

Bucky nodded, but the weight of his guilt felt like chains wrapped tight around his heart, squeezing the air from his lungs. What the hell could he even say? The fear of facing you loomed larger than any mission he’d ever tackled—a monster lurking in the shadows, making him feel weak and exposed. He clenched his fists, jaw tightening, as he fought against the rising tide of anxiety.

Closing his eyes, he leaned against the wall, fighting the urge to scream. He remembered how you had stood by him, even when the nightmares clawed at him in the night. You deserved better than his careless words, better than the pain he had caused. The metallic scent of sweat mixed with the lingering aroma of stale coffee filled the air, reminding him of the countless nights spent together, talking and laughing. Those memories felt like a beacon, drawing him closer to the confrontation he dreaded yet craved.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, pushing off the wall, each step toward you heavy with uncertainty. His heart raced as he imagined your reaction—would you forgive him? The thought of laying his broken heart bare to you, the one person who meant everything, filled him with dread and hope.

As he approached, the distance between you felt like a chasm. He was ready to confront the mess he’d made, but the fear of your disappointment loomed over him like a dark cloud. Sam watched him go, shaking his head with a faint smile, knowing his friend was finally stepping up to make things right.

It was time to face the music, to turn back the clock on the mistakes he had made. The symbol of his guilt—the small, worn-out dog tag you had given him before a particularly tough mission—burned in his pocket, a constant reminder of the bond he desperately wanted to restore.

In that moment, he knew he had to find the courage to bridge the gap between them, to reclaim what was lost before it slipped through his fingers forever.

After what felt like a damn eternity, Bucky finally gathered the guts to knock on your door. Each knock echoed in the silence, a stark reminder of the distance that had grown between you two. He stood there, heart pounding, fists clenched, feeling the weight of guilt that had settled in his chest like lead. Memories flooded his mind—your laughter during training sessions, quiet moments together in the compound, and the way your smile had once lit up even the darkest days. It all felt so far away now, a reminder of how easily he could lose it.

“Go away,” you called, your voice muffled but laced with hurt.

“Y/N,” he pleaded, desperation creeping into his tone. “I need to talk. Just… let me in, alright?” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his mind racing with all the things he wanted to say but couldn’t quite grasp.

Silence hung in the air like a noose, heavy and suffocating. Each second stretched into an eternity, amplifying the tension until, finally, the door creaked open just enough for him to catch a glimpse of your face—red and puffy from tears, eyes shadowed with pain. It felt like a punch to the gut.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” you said coldly, arms crossed defensively, trying to shield yourself from the storm he had caused.

“I know. I messed up,” he replied, his voice thick with regret. He ran a hand through his hair, struggling to find the right words. “And I can’t—” He faltered, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. “I can’t take back what I said. I was scared, and I lashed out. You mean too damn much to me for that. Just… let me explain.”

You stepped back, letting him in but hesitating, your anger and hurt crackling in the air like static electricity. Bucky could feel the tension radiating off you, could see how you trembled with barely contained rage. The faint hum of the compound’s machinery buzzed in the background, underscoring the silence between you.

“Bucky, you can’t just waltz in here and throw around apologies like they’re candy. It’s not that fucking simple,” you said, your voice shaking as emotions boiled over. “Do you even get what your words did to me? They cut deeper than you can imagine.”

The memories of your last argument flashed in his mind—how he had yelled, how his words had sliced through the fragile trust you had built. He could still hear your voice trembling, see the hurt in your eyes. It haunted him.

“I know it’s not,” he said, voice rising as frustration bubbled to the surface. “But you have to understand—I never meant to hurt you. I was scared as hell of losing you. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I took it out on you. I thought I could keep you safe, but I fucking failed, and I can’t live with that.” He avoided your gaze, staring at the floor, ashamed of the turmoil he had caused.

You turned your gaze away, fury igniting. “You think being scared gives you the right to hurt me? Those words stick with you. They don’t just disappear because you suddenly want to make things right. You shattered something in me, Bucky, and you expect me to just let it go?” The air was thick with the weight of your words, each one a dagger aimed at his heart.

“I know,” he said, his voice cracking under the weight of his regret. “I’m not gonna pretend this doesn’t matter. I want to make things right. You’re not just some partner in this crazy shit; you’re everything to me. I’m so damn sorry, Y/N.”

A heavy silence fell between you, thick with unprocessed emotions. Tears glistened in your eyes, anger mixed with pain as you struggled to hold back the flood. Bucky could see your fingers trembling, as if you were fighting against the urge to reach out for him, to seek comfort from the very person who had hurt you.

“You’re sorry? That’s it? Do you think that’s enough? You can’t just toss around ‘I’m sorry’ and act like everything’s fine! Do you have any idea what it feels like to have the person you love turn on you like that?”

Bucky opened his mouth to respond, but the truth of your feelings hit him like a freight train. It shattered him, the realization crashing down harder than any blow he’d ever taken. “I didn’t mean to fuckin’ hurt you like that. I—”

“Didn’t mean to?” you snapped, frustration boiling over. “But you did! You meant every single word when you said I wasn’t enough! It’s like a poison, Bucky! Every time I look in the mirror, I see your words haunting me!”

“Y/N…” he pleaded, stepping closer, but you backed away, shaking your head fiercely. The space between you felt like an insurmountable chasm, filled with hurt and distrust.

“No! You don’t get to touch me. Not after what you said. I don’t want your pity. I want my trust back! I want to feel safe with you again, but how the hell can I when you’ve torn me apart like this?” The pain in your voice twisted like a knife in his gut.

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” he begged, desperation bleeding through his words. “I can give you space. I’ll listen—just don’t shut me out. I can’t lose you.” He reached out, almost instinctively, but stopped short, respecting your boundary. The small bracelet you used to wear, the one he had given you, lay forgotten on the table—its absence felt like a symbol of the trust now shattered between you.

“Maybe… maybe I need time,” you finally said, voice soft but resolute, tears spilling down your cheeks. “I can’t keep waiting for you to figure out how to treat me with the love and respect I deserve. I can’t be your punching bag.”

“Take all the time you need,” he replied, his heart sinking deeper. “I’ll be right here, waiting for you. Just… I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.” His words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken fears of a future without you.

You nodded slowly, the weight of the moment hanging heavily between you. Bucky turned to leave, each step dragging him down like a lead weight. The distant sounds of the compound faded as he walked away, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He wanted to scream, to punch the walls, to erase the hurt, but he knew he had to be patient. You needed time, and he would wait, even if it felt like forever.

As he walked away, the door closing behind him, Bucky felt a hollow ache settle in his chest—a deep emptiness that screamed for your forgiveness, for your presence. But he also knew he deserved the pain, the anguish he had caused. The only thing that mattered now was making things right, even if it took an eternity.

Days turned into weeks, and Bucky kept his distance, lurking on the edges of your life like a goddamn ghost. He was always there, a shadow in the background, never truly present, waiting for the moment you’d find it in yourself to forgive him. It was a tormenting cycle for him, hanging around the periphery of your world, the weight of his own mistakes bearing down like an anchor. He often caught himself recalling the laughter you once shared, memories of late-night talks and quiet moments that now felt like a distant dream. Those memories twisted in his gut as he watched you from afar, stealing glances during training, his gaze lingering near the kitchen where you used to share coffee and laughter, searching for a connection that felt like it was slipping through his fingers. But every time he made a move, the pain in your eyes sent him retreating, a constant reminder of the hurt he’d caused and the love that now felt so fragile.

One evening, the hum of the common room enveloped you, filled with the clatter of dishes and faint laughter from the team, but all you could focus on was the ache in your heart. You were scrolling through your phone, desperately trying to distract yourself when Bucky appeared in the doorway, hesitant and guarded. Your heart clenched at the sight of him—a mix of longing and sorrow flooding you, drowning out the world around you.

“Hey,” he said, voice low and rough, as if he was still wrestling with the demons of his past.

���Hey,” you replied, your voice flat, a careful mask of strength concealing the turmoil inside. You wanted to scream, to let him know how much his presence hurt, but part of you still craved the warmth he brought.

“Can we talk?” His words hung in the air like a fragile lifeline, one you weren’t sure you could grab onto.

You nodded, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on you. “Make it quick,” you shot back, your tone sharper than intended, trying to keep the emotions at bay.

He stepped closer, eyes searching yours with a desperation that twisted your gut. “I need to say it again—for everything. I know it doesn’t mean much after the shit I pulled, but I swear I’m trying to fix this. I’m really working on myself.” As he spoke, he clenched his fists, fingers digging into his palms, a physical manifestation of the guilt that gnawed at him. “I just… I can’t keep running from this. I need you to know that.”

You let out a shaky breath, feeling the pressure of his words weighing down on you. “I’m trying to work through it, Bucky. But I can’t pretend everything’s fine just because you say you’re sorry.”

“I don’t expect you to,” he said, frustration cracking his calm facade. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, unable to meet your gaze. “But you need to understand how damn much you mean to me. I can’t lose you, Y/N. I won’t let that happen.”

Your heart ached at his confession, but anger flared within you. “You hurt me, Bucky. You can’t just wipe that away with a few nice words.”

“I know, I know! I’m fucking sorry, alright?” He ran a hand through his hair, pacing like a caged animal, the sound of his footsteps echoing off the walls. “I didn’t mean it. I was scared, and I lashed out. But you’ve gotta see how much I regret it, damn it!”

“Scared?” you spat, bitterness thick in your voice. “You don’t get to use your fear as an excuse for the pain you caused me!”

“Then what the hell do you want from me?” His voice rose, desperation lacing every word. “You’re acting like I’m a goddamn ghost! I’m right here, trying to fix this!”

“Because I need to protect myself!” you yelled back, tears spilling down your cheeks. “Every time I try to forgive you, you mess it up again! I can’t trust you when you keep hurting me!”

The silence that followed felt like a chasm between you, both of you breathing heavily, emotions spiraling out of control. Bucky’s shoulders sagged, the weight of your words crushing him. He thought of the little trinket you gave him once, a small metal star—a reminder of a bond that felt irreparably broken.

“I fucking hate this,” he admitted, his voice cracking, tears shimmering in his eyes. “I hate that I hurt you. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I can’t fix this. You mean everything to me, and it feels like I’m losing you more and more every damn day.” His gaze flickered to the floor, and for a moment, he was just a man haunted by his past, the soldier who had lost so much.

Your heart shattered at the sight of him, raw vulnerability spilling out. “You don’t get to say that after everything. You’ve made me feel worthless, like my feelings don’t matter. I can’t keep letting you walk all over me and expect everything to be okay.”

“I don’t want to fucking hurt you!” he cried, frustration and anguish battling within him. “I never asked for this! I just… sometimes I don’t know how to be better, okay?” He clenched his jaw, fighting against the tears that threatened to spill.

“Then you need to figure it out!” you screamed, your voice trembling with pain. “I can’t keep waiting for you to get it right while I’m left feeling broken!”

As your words hung in the air, the truth of your reality crashed over you both. The love you once shared felt suffocated by the shadows of anger and disappointment. You were both drowning in a sea of sorrow, hearts beating in sync but desperately out of tune.

Bucky stood there, shattered, eyes glistening with unshed tears, as you turned away, the battle within you raging. The silence stretched between you, heavy with unprocessed emotions, and for the first time, the thought of walking away felt more appealing than the pain of staying. But just as you took a step, a sliver of hope flickered in your chest—a feeling that perhaps this confrontation could lead to a path forward.

“Y/N…” he started, voice thick with heartbreak, but his words got lost in the chasm of hurt between you, leaving only a haunting silence in their wake. Yet somewhere deep within, the possibility of healing lingered, waiting for the courage to break through.

Weeks dragged on in the compound, each day feeling like a storm brewing just beneath the surface. The faint hum of machinery surrounded you, a constant reminder of the tension in the air. Despite Bucky’s promises to change, shadows of his past returned, casting a gloom that enveloped you both. Memories of laughter and shared moments felt like distant echoes now, buried under the weight of unspoken words and unresolved conflicts. You tiptoed around him, hyper-aware that every little thing could set off alarms in your mind.

The moment of impact came like a bullet, unexpected and cruel. During a mission briefing, Bucky’s voice cut through the air like glass shattering.

“Why the hell can’t you just focus?” he snapped, eyes ablaze with fury that had nothing to do with you, yet somehow landed squarely on your chest. The air felt heavy, thick with the scent of sweat and metal, making it hard to breathe. “You’re not some damn rookie! You should know better than this by now!”

“Bucky, I—”

“Just shut the hell up!” he roared, the words echoing off the walls, raw and menacing. His fists clenched at his sides, knuckles whitening as he struggled to contain the storm inside. “You’re making this way harder than it needs to be!”

Each word felt like a blow, carving deeper into your heart. This wasn’t a new dance; it was an exhausting routine, and the suffocating weight of your shared history felt more unbearable than ever. You remembered the moments when he had opened up, how he had let you in, but they felt like faint memories now. “Maybe you should take a good, hard look in the mirror,” you shot back, your voice shaky with a mix of hurt and anger. “I’m not the one with the issue here.”

He glared at you, frustration boiling over, muscles tense, jaw clenched tight. You could see the flicker of his inner turmoil, the fear of losing you clawing at his composure. “You keep pulling this shit! It’s like you can’t see past your own damn feelings! Just focus on the mission for once!”

Your chest tightened, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “I’m not your damn punching bag, Bucky,” you said, voice breaking under the weight of raw emotion. “You can’t keep exploding at me and expect me to take it like it’s nothing. I’m sick of this!”

“Maybe if you actually gave a damn about the mission instead of whining about your feelings, we wouldn’t be in this mess!” His words cut deeper than you thought possible, and you recoiled as if slapped. You remembered the way he used to care, how he used to fight for every person he loved, and it stung even more to see him like this.

“I care, Bucky!” you cried, tears spilling over as you fought to hold it together. “But it’s hard to keep my head in the game when I’m constantly worried about when you’ll blow up at me next! You say you’re trying, but nothing changes! It feels like I don’t even matter to you anymore!”

For a moment, his expression shifted, a flicker of regret flashing across his face, but the damage was done. “You think this is easy for me?” he shouted, voice raw and desperate, filled with unfiltered anguish. “I’m trying to be better, but you keep dragging me back into this shit!” You could see the pain behind his bravado, the memories of his past haunting him, and it broke your heart.

“Don’t act like I’m the fucking problem!” you yelled, heart racing as reality crashed down around you. “I’m not the one who can’t confront his demons! You push me away and then blame me for not being there when you do!”

Pain flickered in Bucky’s eyes, the cracks in his stoic facade deepening. “You’re right,” he admitted, voice shaking, the weight of his confession crushing him. “I don’t know how to deal with this… how to deal with you. I’m scared shitless of losing you, and honestly, I don’t know if I can fix it.” The vulnerability in his voice was a fragile thread, hanging in the air, and you felt a flicker of hope amidst the chaos.

“Then maybe you need to sort your shit out,” you replied, heart breaking as you watched his despair unfold. “I can’t keep waiting for you to figure it out while I’m left feeling shattered.” You recalled the shared moments, the promises made, and the weight of them felt unbearable now.

Silence fell, thick with the unsaid and unresolved. You were both drowning in a sea of sorrow, love suffocating under the weight of his rage and your hurt. Bucky’s shoulders sagged as he stepped back, the chasm between you widening, feeling more insurmountable than ever.

“I can’t keep doing this,” you whispered, tears streaming down your face, anguish spilling over. “It’s killing me.” The vulnerability hung heavy between you, and for a fleeting moment, you saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes.

His breath hitched, and he looked like he might reach for you, but the distance remained unbridgeable, a stark reminder of everything that felt lost. Yet, beneath it all, a small part of you held onto the hope that one day, you could navigate the darkness together.

The clash felt inevitable, like a storm building for days, ready to break over the fragile space between you and Bucky. The tension in the air was suffocating, each breath heavy with unspoken anger and hurt. You stood in the middle of the training room, fists clenched, trying to hold yourself together. Across from you, Bucky stood rigid, muscles taut, his hands balled into fists. The weights he had been using moments earlier now lay forgotten on the floor, a sharp reminder of the growing chasm between you.

The silence was unbearable. Then, without warning, Bucky's voice cut through the room like a blade. “Can you just—stop fucking around? You think this is a game?” His voice cracked, but his anger was palpable, radiating from him in waves as he hurled the weights down with a force that rattled through the room, the echo reverberating like a punch to the gut.

You flinched at the sound, the weight of his words hitting you just as hard. “Maybe if you’d stop yelling for one second, you’d see I’m trying!” Your voice shook, barely holding steady under the pressure. You were trembling, the knot of frustration and hurt in your chest threatening to unravel completely.

Bucky’s eyes darkened. “Damn it, you’re not trying hard enough!” he snapped, his fists tightening at his sides, knuckles white. His voice—usually so steady—was strained now, as though he was fighting to keep control. The anger in his tone felt like a punch, but you could see the tremble in his hands, the way his jaw clenched so tight you thought it might crack.

The sting of his words twisted in your chest. You could feel the pressure building in your throat, choking you with the weight of unspoken feelings. “I’m trying, Bucky. But it’s never enough for you, is it?” you said, the words tasting bitter in your mouth, laced with all the exhaustion you’d tried to suppress.

His face contorted in anger, but for a brief second, you saw something deeper flicker in his eyes—something haunted. You recognized that look. It was the same one he wore when he woke up from nightmares, drenched in sweat, guilt seeping from every pore. But it vanished just as quickly as it appeared, swallowed by his fury. “Get your shit together,” he snapped, voice low and intense. “I’m not your babysitter. You really think I can hold your hand through every goddamn thing?” His voice wavered, but he squared his shoulders, hiding the vulnerability underneath. “You want to survive? Toughen the hell up or get out of my way.”

“Then maybe you should just go!” The words burst out before you could stop them, raw and jagged, cutting through the tension. You hated how sharp your voice sounded, like a part of you was shattering with every syllable.

For a split second, his expression faltered—just long enough for you to see the crack in his defenses, the fear creeping in behind the anger. But the moment passed, and his face hardened once more, the distance between you widening.

“Enough is enough, Bucky.” Your voice trembled as you blinked back the tears threatening to spill over. “I can’t keep doing this. I’m tired of forgiving you just so you can hurt me again.” Each word felt like a physical wound, reopening scars you thought had healed.

Bucky’s hands dropped to his sides, but his fists remained clenched. “You’re being dramatic,” he muttered, turning his gaze away as though refusing to face the weight of your words. “I'm pushing you because you damn well need to be better. I can't afford to lose you.”

There it was. The fear he refused to name. He was terrified of losing you, but he couldn’t say it. Not out loud. So instead, he buried it under anger, under demands that pushed you further away.

“You twist everything, Bucky,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve tried to be there for you, to understand you—but I can’t keep pretending that this is okay. I can’t be the person you take everything out on.”

His jaw tightened, but his hands trembled at his sides. “You don’t get it,” he said, voice quieter now, almost broken. “I’m trying to protect you. I just… I don’t know how to do this without pushing people away. I’m not good at this shit.”

“And what do you think you’re doing right now?” you asked, your heart aching. “You’re pushing me away, and I’m too tired to hold on.”

The silence that followed was deafening, thick with the weight of unsaid things. Bucky’s breathing was heavy, his chest rising and falling in shallow, uneven breaths. The echo of the weights hitting the ground earlier still rang in your ears, a haunting reminder of how quickly things had spiraled.

You took a deep breath, feeling the chill of the room settle into your bones, as if the air itself was colder now, heavier. “I feel invisible, Bucky,” you whispered, your voice cracking with the weight of your confession. “Like I’m just a shadow, someone to absorb your anger when things get too hard. I can’t live like this anymore.”

Bucky’s eyes widened for a moment, and his fingers twitched like he wanted to reach for you but couldn’t. His lips parted, but no words came. His shoulders slumped slightly, a tiny surrender in the face of your pain.

He opened his mouth, his voice hoarse and desperate now. “Y/N, don’t do this,” His voice cracked, but his body was still tense, like he was holding something back—something he couldn’t quite bring himself to admit. “You don’t need to make this harder than it already is.”

“I don’t want to walk away, Bucky. But I have to, for my own sanity,” you said, stepping back as if putting physical distance between you would somehow make it easier.

He reached out, his hand hovering in the air between you, unsure. “Damn it,” he rasped. “I’m trying, okay? I need you to believe me.”

“It’s too late for that,” you whispered, your heart breaking at the sight of him so vulnerable, so raw. His hand dropped, and the space between you felt like a canyon now, too wide to cross.

Bucky’s breath hitched, his gaze dropping to the floor as though he couldn’t bear to look at you anymore. He clenched his fists again, nails biting into his palms. The weight of his guilt was suffocating, and you could see it in the way his shoulders sagged, the way his eyes dimmed with the realization that he had pushed you too far.

The room felt too quiet, the air thick with the aftermath of your words. You could feel the memory of every touch, every smile, every moment of laughter between you two slipping away like sand through your fingers. There was a photo—one he had kept tucked away in his jacket—of the two of you on a day when everything had felt perfect. He had carried it with him, a reminder of what he was trying to protect. But now, it felt like just another symbol of something irreparable.

“I loved you,” you whispered, stepping back one final time, tears blurring your vision as you turned toward the door. “But I deserve better.”

“Y/N!” His voice broke, desperate, as he took a step toward you, hand outstretched. His body was trembling now, fear etched into every line of his face. “Don’t fucking walk away from me! I can change. I swear, I can be better for you!”

You hesitated, your back to him, feeling the weight of his plea. For a moment, you almost turned back. Almost. But the words he had said still hung heavy in the air between you. And you knew—deep down—that you couldn’t survive this cycle anymore.

As you walked away, the echo of his voice followed you, the pain lacing each syllable a reminder of what could have been. But you didn’t stop. The silence after you left was deafening, and it swallowed Bucky whole, leaving him alone with his regrets, the weight of his own mistakes pressing down on him like a physical force.

He watched the door close behind you, his heart sinking with the realization that he had lost you. And for the first time, he didn’t know how to fix it.

[lunajay33]

Migraine🕷️

Summary: You get frequent migraines but they’ve been mia since the apocalypse but even since you got to the farm they’ve returned but you didn’t wanna bother anyone until Daryl finds you balled up on the floor in pain

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x f!reader

Request by @avrmee

•Masterlist•

Soul crushing migranes were always a struggle to deal with before the world ended, but there was ways to try and relieve them, medicine, piercings, acupuncture but now that it’s been about a year and there was no more medicine or anything really the migraines came back and almost stronger than before

They’d come on when the heat was high and the sun was near blinding, triggering what ever it was in your head to cause crippling pain that no matter how much pressure you applied to your eyes or the amount of water you drank it didn’t matter, but in this world you couldn’t afford to take a day off especially with all the work the others were putting into the prison it was only fair you pull your weight even through the pain

Walking out of prison, opening the door to the blinding white light that was the Georgia sun stung just hoping it didn’t flair up another episode, walking out to the court yard where Daryl was tinkering on his bike you sat next to him

“I missed you this morning” you said leaning your head against his shoulder as he used a wrench against…..well you have no clue but you loved watching him work

“Sorry ya know I’m an early riser plus ya’ve been sleeping lot longer now, ya okay?”

You didn’t wanna worry him and tell him that after these long days of over exerting yourself in the heat that the pain in your head kept you awake late into the night causing you to wake up later than everyone else

“Oh yeah I’m fine, just tired is all, plus I got a beautiful sight next to me at night it’s hard to fall asleep” you laughed poking his side making him gruff out a laugh

“Well I have to go work on the crowd of walkers around the fence, if you need me I’ll be there” I said leaving his side walking down to the entrance gate, using a pole to take down as many walkers as you could working your way down the fence, working for hours when you felt an aura around your head, the groans and snaps of jaws became louder and overwhelming, your knees became weak, you became nauseous as your vision became blurred and specked with black dots, all topped off by the painful pressure in your head

Losing control you dropped to the gravel clutching your head in your hands, knees tucked up to your chest, whining from the pain, this is one of the worst it’s ever been, in the distance you could hear your name being yelled but everything was so overwhelming you couldn’t even process it until the screams got closer

“Y/n baby what’s wrong” Daryl asked holding your body close to his, your head in his lap as he rubbed your back

“It…….it hurts so much” you whined as you clutched your head more wishing for this pain to fade

He just held you for what felt like half an hour trying to comfort me, the walkers noises started to dwindle someone must have came down with Daryl to take them out, you huffed out a breath as the pain subsided a bit giving you enough strength to sit up, seeing his worried expression

“What happened?” He asked brushing my disheveled hair back

“I get this awful migraines, I didn’t wanna say anything and use it as an excuse but they keep me up at night but sometimes they get so bad, like this and I don’t know how to stop them”

“Darlin ya should have said something, we’d understand, I could’ve tried to help ya at night”

“I know how hard you work all day you need your sleep”

“But if yer feeling sick yer more important, promise me you’ll let me help ya”

You bit your lip hesitant not wanting to be a burden

“Y/n” he said sternly

“Okay I promise”

“Good, ya know yer damn stubborn”

“You love me” you said smiling

“Yer lucky I do”

[bi-writes]

Do you think Simon would get a vasectomy in the MOB universe?👀 I remember you mentioning that the two of them wouldn’t have children and I feel like Simon wouldn’t want his life on the pill because of all the side effects, so he would offer to get the old snip snip

100%. (fyi, birth control itself is not just used for preventing pregnancy, it is a necessary medication that actually has helped people in many other ways -- this point of view is simon thinking about birth control simply in the context of maintaining a childless marriage)

simon thought about it. thought about how it might go, what he could do to make the decision you had made together a concrete one.

simon read the list of side effects for just one birth control pill and made his mind up then and there. the hormonal effects. the acne. the pain. the cycle changes. the weight gain, the weight loss, the feelings that couldn't really be explained because they hadn't been researched enough.

simon is horrified by what he finds. it makes his stomach hurt thinking about putting you on one of these. his chest aches. having you take it every day, the stress of missing one of them, the added burden of the many different effects it could have on you, including blood clots and other terrible outcomes from one single little piece of medication.

simon would never ask you to do this for him; and if you offered, he knows already that he would say no. it wouldn't be fair--to subject his wife to something like this. she already would be the losing party in the event that something would happen. if he got her pregnant, his wife would be the one to endure every outcome. every decision, every happenstance, every scenario, it is his wife that would be at the receiving end of it all, even if he was the cause of it.

simon can't have that. he refuses. he won't let that happen.

he slides a pamphlet into your hands when he comes home one afternoon. he's looking at you with an easy smile as you read the cover of it, and you flip it open as you read some of the information inside.

safe. easy. minimal pain. quick. effective.

you blink, looking up at him, and he reaches over with a warm hand, smoothing his knuckles down your cheek.

"really?" you ask, and he shrugs.

"no big deal, swee'eart," he murmurs, and you take his hand in yours, squeezing it gently. because it isn't a big deal. because he loves you more than anything in the entire world. because you deserve nothing less. because he would endure anything if it meant nothing about you would change, if you could remain as you are, happy, loved, relaxed.

the decision is easy, and this will be, too.

[alyrasturnz]

 ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎TOLERATE IT

❐ summary » matt and y/n find themselves in a heated argument due to matt's frequent absences. feeling neglected and overwhelmed, y/n confronts him about his perpetual absence. matt, realizing the depth of her loneliness and frustration, makes a heartfelt attempt to reconcile and mend their strained relationship.

❐ pairings » dad!matt x fem!reader

❐ warnings » lowkey toxic!matt, argument (resolved)

❐ a/n && w/c » i didnt realize i hit 300 😭 thank u guys smmm • 3.20k

you sit at the dining table, the remnants of dinner barely touched, each morsel a testament to the lingering void. the weight of motherhood envelops you like an oppressive cloak, suffocating and unrelenting in matt's absence. the silence in the room is a deafening symphony, punctuated only by the sporadic clink of cutlery against porcelain, each sound a stark reminder of the solitude that has become your unwelcome companion.

you drop your utensils onto your plate with a jarring clatter, the sound echoing through the silence like a cry for attention. your gaze, heavy with unspoken words, shifts away from matt, who remains ensconced in his own world, seemingly unperturbed by the storm brewing within you.

he sat at the table, the soft glow of his phone casting shadows on his face. his fingers moved methodically over the screen, eyes fixed with a steely detachment. each swipe seemed to deepen the chasm between you, a silent testament to the growing distance.

as he mechanically brought the fork to his lips, his expression remained cold and unyielding, the warmth of shared moments now a distant memory.

“matt, we need to talk," you begin, your voice quivering like a fragile leaf caught in a tempest, each word a struggle against the torrent of emotions threatening to break free.

matt looks up from his phone, a flicker of irritation dancing in his eyes. "what is it now, y/n? i've had a long day."

"every day is a long day for me too," you reply, your voice gaining strength as you rise from your seat, hands trembling with pent-up frustration. "but unlike you, i don't have the luxury of escaping to an office. i'm here, day in and day out, dealing with everything alone." your eyes bore into his, a mixture of pain and determination, as you take a step closer, your breath uneven with the weight of unspoken words.

"you're exaggerating," matt says, dismissively, his tone laced with condescension. "i work hard to provide for this family. you should be grateful for that." his words hang in the air, a cold barrier that refuses to acknowledge the depth of your struggles.

"grateful?" you echo, incredulity coloring your tone as you take a step back, your hands balling into fists. "grateful for what? for feeling like a single parent while you're off at work? for the endless nights spent alone, wondering if you even care about us anymore?" your voice cracks, the raw emotion spilling over as your eyes glisten with unshed tears, each word a dagger aimed at the heart of the chasm between you.

matt's face hardens, the lines around his eyes deepening with a mix of frustration and hurt. "that's not fair, y/n. you know my job is demanding. i'm doing this for us, for our future." his voice carries a steely edge, each word a plea for understanding masked by the armor of duty and sacrifice.

"and what about our present, matt?" you counter, tears threatening to spill over as your voice trembles. "what about the here and now? i feel so isolated, so overwhelmed. i need you, not just as a provider, but as a partner. i need your support, your presence." your words hang heavy in the air, each one a desperate plea for the connection that seems to be slipping through your fingers.

matt sighs, rubbing his temples as if trying to massage away the weight of the world. "i don't know what you want from me. i'm doing the best i can." his voice is weary, a fragile thread of exasperation and helplessness woven through his words, as if he's grappling with an invisible burden that words alone cannot lift.

"i want you to see me," you say, your voice breaking as the dam of your emotions begins to crack. "to understand that i'm struggling. i can't do this alone. i need you to be here, to help shoulder the responsibilities of our family. we need to find a balance, matt, or we're going to lose each other." your plea hangs in the air, a poignant reminder of the fragile threads that bind your lives together, threatening to unravel if not carefully tended.

matt's eyes narrow, frustration bubbling to the surface like a volcano on the brink of eruption. "maybe if you appreciated what i do, you wouldn't feel so alone." his words are sharp, tinged with a bitterness that cuts through the air, revealing the deep chasm of misunderstanding and unmet expectations that lies between you.

your heart sinks at his words, the final blow to an already battered spirit. tears well up in your eyes, blurring the sight of matt as he turns away, his attention already drifting back to his phone. your chest tightens, the weight of his indifference pressing down on you, each tear a silent testament to the growing distance between you.

the room falls into a heavy silence, the chasm between you widening with each passing second. the air grows thick with unspoken words and unresolved pain, each heartbeat echoing the vast emptiness that now separates your souls.

"i remember when we used to dream together," you whisper, more to yourself than to him. "we promised each other a life of shared joys and burdens. but now, it feels like i'm the only one carrying the weight." your words hang in the air, a poignant echo of a past filled with hope and unity, now overshadowed by the solitary struggle that defines your present.

matt's shoulders tense, but he doesn't respond. the silence grows heavier, pressing down on you like an oppressive fog. the weight of his unspoken thoughts and the invisible wall between you becomes almost tangible, each second stretching into an eternity.

"i miss you," you continue, your voice barely audible. "i miss the man who used to hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay. i miss the laughter and the love we shared. where did it all go, matt?" your words tremble, laden with the weight of lost moments and fading memories, each syllable a desperate plea to reclaim what once was.

he finally looks up, his expression unreadable. "i don't know," he admits quietly. "maybe we just grew apart." his words, though simple, carry the weight of a thousand unspoken emotions, each one a fragment of the distance that has slowly and silently crept between you.

"or maybe you stopped trying," you reply, the bitterness in your voice undeniable. "maybe you decided that your career was more important than your family. i can't do this anymore, matt. i can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it's not." your voice quivers, each word a sharp blade cutting through the fragile remnants of your shared life, exposing the raw truth that has been festering beneath the surface.

matt stands up abruptly, his chair scraping against the floor. "i need some air," he mutters, walking towards the door. his movements are sudden, almost violent, as if trying to escape the suffocating tension that has filled the room, leaving behind a trail of unresolved anguish.

as he leaves, you feel the tears spill over, hot and unrelenting. the weight of your loneliness crashes down on you, leaving you gasping for breath. you sit there, tears welling in your eyes, the realization sinking in that the man you once loved is now a stranger.

the future you dreamed of feels like a distant memory, replaced by a stark and painful reality. your heart aches with the profound sense of loss, each tear a testament to the love that once was, now shattered and scattered like fragments of a forgotten dream.

you feel the tears spill over as you stand up, the legs of the chair scraping against the hardwood floor. each tear is a silent scream, echoing the pain that words cannot capture, while the sound of the chair's movement seems to underscore the finality of the moment, a harsh reminder of the emotional chasm that now separates you.

you quickly run to your shared bedroom, collapsing onto the bed as you desperately cry into your pillow, mascara staining your cheeks. the sobs wrack your body, each one a visceral manifestation of the heartache that grips you, while the dark streaks of mascara on your cheeks serve as a poignant reminder of the facade you've been forced to maintain, now crumbling under the weight of your sorrow.

»--•--«

you wake up, your eyes swollen and feeling horrible. the remnants of last night's tears leave your face tender, and an overwhelming sense of desolation weighs heavily on your spirit. each breath feels labored, as if the very air around you has thickened with the residue of your sorrow, making every moment a struggle to endure.

you turn your head to matt’s side of the bed, only to find it empty, as always. the absence is like a gaping void, a stark reminder of the growing chasm between you. the cold, untouched sheets seem to mock your yearning for connection, amplifying the loneliness that has taken root in your heart.

you roll your eyes, sitting up as you rub your eyes. the gesture is both reflexive and laden with fatigue, a silent testament to the weariness that has settled into your bones. each movement feels heavy, as if the weight of your emotions has seeped into your very muscles, making even the simplest actions a laborious endeavor.

you turn to the clock on the bedside table. the soft glow of its digits pierces the dimness of the room, marking the passage of time that feels both swift and interminable.

7:38 AM

matt should be at work by now. the thought crosses your mind, a stark reminder of the routine that has become your reality. his absence is predictable, yet it deepens the void within you, emphasizing the growing distance that time and obligations have carved between you.

your feet touch the cold hardwood floor, sending chills through your body as you stand up. you grab your blanket and wrap it around you, crossing your arms in front of your chest. the chill seeps into your bones, a physical manifestation of the emotional coldness that has settled into your life. the blanket offers scant comfort, a fragile barrier against the pervasive sense of isolation that clings to you like a shadow.

you walk outside of your bedroom and towards your daughter’s room to wake her up for school. each step echoes softly in the quiet hallway, a prelude to the day’s responsibilities. the door to her room stands as a threshold between the innocence of her dreams and the reality awaiting outside, and as you reach for the handle, the weight of your own burdens seems to momentarily lift, replaced by the tender duty of rousing her from slumber.

you open the door and stop in your tracks. her bed is made and empty, a stark contrast to the usual disarray of her morning routine. the room feels eerily still, the absence of her presence amplifying the silence. she is nowhere to be found, and a sense of unease begins to coil around your heart, tightening with each passing second.

"aniella?" you call out, your voice still raspy from sleep as you step into her room. the name hangs in the air, unanswered, and the silence that follows feels heavy, laden with an unspoken tension. each step forward is tentative, as if you are wading through the thick fog of uncertainty, seeking the warmth of her presence in the cold, empty space.

your eyebrows furrow, a deep line forming between them as the realization dawns that she wasn't there. the room, usually brimming with her energy, now feels like a hollow shell, echoing the absence that gnaws at your consciousness. you stand there, grappling with the unsettling quiet, your mind racing to piece together the fragments of the morning's mystery.

your mind races with thousands of thoughts, each one more frantic than the last, as you quickly rush out of her room and into the living room. the urgency in your steps mirrors the chaos in your mind, a whirlwind of worry and confusion. the living room, usually a sanctuary of familial warmth, now feels like an arena of unanswered questions, each corner holding the potential for discovery or despair.

you stop in your tracks, your brows furrowing as your gaze locks onto the figure seated on the couch. matt. the sight of him there, in the midst of your turmoil, adds another layer to the tangled web of emotions. his presence, usually a source of comfort, now feels like an enigma, stirring a storm of questions and unresolved tensions within you.

his face was buried in his hands, his hair disheveled, a testament to the inner turmoil he was experiencing. you hear him muttering some inaudible things, the words slipping through his fingers like sand, lost to the vast ocean of his despair. each whispered syllable seems to carry the weight of a thousand unsaid apologies, adding to the heavy atmosphere that envelops the room.

you rub your eyes, the disbelief palpable as you try to reconcile the sight before you with reality. was he actually there? your gaze returns to him, the figure on the couch, as if the act of looking again might somehow make the surreal scene vanish. yet, he remains, a living contradiction to your expectations, and the room seems to hold its breath, waiting for the next beat in this unfolding drama.

“matt?” you say softly, your voice barely a whisper, as if afraid that speaking too loudly might shatter the fragile reality before you. in response, matt quickly removes his head from his hands, the sudden motion revealing a face etched with lines of worry and exhaustion. the air between you feels charged, every second stretching into an eternity as the weight of unspoken words hangs heavily in the silence.

his eyes met yours, and in that fleeting connection, you saw the depth of his anguish. they were puffy, dark, and red, like the storm-tossed sea after a relentless tempest. each glance was a silent testament to sleepless nights and unspoken sorrows, a mirror reflecting the turmoil that lay just beneath the surface.

“have you seen aniella?” you inquire softly, your voice a delicate whisper that barely disturbs the heavy silence. the name hangs in the air, laden with unspoken worry and the weight of countless memories. each syllable seems to tremble with the fragility of hope, as if the very act of asking might unravel the tenuous threads of your composure.

“i, uh,” he began, his voice faltering as he stood up, the weight of the moment pressing down on him. “i drove her to school,” he continued, his gaze dropping to the couch where his hands fumbled to pick up a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. each movement seemed laden with unspoken apologies and the remnants of a love that had been left unattended for too long.

you furrowed your eyebrows, a storm of confusion and apprehension brewing in your expression, as he approached you. each step he took seemed to magnify the tension in the air, the distance between you shrinking yet feeling more immense with every passing second.

“um—you didn’t have to do that,” you whisper, your voice barely audible as you instinctively step back, creating a gulf between you. the words, though simple, carry the weight of unspoken emotions, and you can almost see the pang of sadness slash through his heart, leaving an invisible wound that deepens the chasm of misunderstanding.

"y/n," he begins, his voice trembling slightly, each word a fragile confession. "i know i’ve messed up. last night made me realize just how much i’ve been neglecting you and our relationship. you mean everything to me, and i'm ready to show it. i want to make things right." his eyes, filled with a desperate sincerity, search yours, hoping to bridge the chasm that has grown between you.

tears well up in your eyes as his heartfelt words wash over you, each syllable a poignant reminder of the pain you've endured. you take a deep breath, trying to steady the tumultuous storm of emotions within. "matt, i’ve felt so alone and unappreciated. i need you to understand how much that hurt," you say, your voice trembling with the weight of unspoken sorrow and longing.

matt steps closer, his eyes brimming with regret, each step a silent plea for forgiveness. "i do understand now. i’m so sorry for making you feel that way. i’ve been so caught up in everything else that i forgot to cherish what’s most important – you. i promise to be better, to be the partner you deserve. i love you, y/n, and i don’t want to lose you," he says, his voice laden with a profound sincerity that reverberates through the air, seeking to mend the fractures in your heart.

you look at the flowers and chocolates, then back at matt, your gaze unwavering. "i need to see that you mean it, matt. actions speak louder than words," you say, your voice steady yet tinged with the echoes of past disappointments, a silent challenge for him to prove his sincerity through deeds, not just declarations.

he nods earnestly, the weight of his resolve evident in his eyes. "i’ll prove it to you, every day. just give me the chance. i’ve already started making changes. i’ve rearranged my work schedule so i can spend more time with you and our daughter. i want to be there for you, to support you, and to show you how much i care," he says, each word a solemn vow, a promise etched in the air between you, seeking to mend the fractures with tangible efforts and unwavering commitment.

your tears spill over, but you nod, feeling a glimmer of hope amidst the storm of emotions. "okay, matt. let’s try to fix this together," you whisper, your voice a fragile thread of optimism, weaving through the tapestry of your shared pain and longing for a renewed connection.

matt reaches out and gently takes your hand, his touch a tentative bridge to your heart. "thank you for giving me another chance. i promise i won’t let you down. i’ve also planned a special date for us tonight. just you and me, so we can reconnect and start rebuilding what we’ve lost," he says, his voice a solemn pledge, each word a step toward mending the fragile bonds of your relationship.

you squeeze his hand, your heart softening under the weight of his sincerity. "i’d like that, matt. i want to believe in us again," you murmur, your voice a quiet testament to the flickering hope that still resides within, yearning to see the dawn after the darkest of nights.

you share a tender embrace, both feeling the weight of your words and the promise of a better future. the road ahead might be long, but with love and determination, you are ready to face it together. in that moment, the world seems to hold its breath, granting you a fragile, yet profound, sense of unity and purpose, as if the universe itself conspires to give your love a second chance.

[mononijikayu]

i have love and dreams too — gojo satoru.

Yuji looked down at his hands, feeling a strange sense of guilt. “Do you really think… you can never have that life you want?” Satoru didn’t answer right away. Instead, he closed his eyes, letting the wind ruffle his silver hair. For a moment, he was just Satoru—not the strongest, not the invincible sorcerer, but a man burdened by the life he had to lead. “I don’t know, Yuji……” he said quietly, almost to himself. “But I like to dream that maybe, someday… we could all disappear. And live. Just live.  Just me, my wife, Megumi, Tsumiki, Satoshi… away from everything. Living in peace.”

WARNING/S: spoilers for chapter 271 of jjk (spoilers at your behest), domesticity, fluff, angst, trauma, implied death, violence, romance, hurt/comfort, character death depiction of death, depictions of loss and depression, depiction of blood, depiction of killing, depiction of suffering, depiction of anxiety, mention of death, mention of grief, profanity, family drama;

WORDS: 6.8k words.

NOTE: i rush wrote this at uni, at the restaurant i was at and then a car on the way back and forth from uni and home. i just started crying profusely because i hated how jjk ended. and i hated that panel with satoru and yuji because i just kept crying. i cant believe this is the end, but i cant believe even more that this is what satoru had to deal with. this is the most rushed end and the saddest end.

i wish gege had decided to take a break and decided to take his time. but alas this is not my story. still, id like to make more for satoru. ones where he'd be so loved. genmei (you) and satoru will always be happy in whatever life you have, that i write. for bitter or for worse. even in death. smiling is all there will be. even with tears.

anyway, i hope you bear with me, for i am very emotional. thank you for understanding this situation. i love you all, i'll see you soon <3

masterlist

u s and t h e m

if you want to, tip! <3

GOJO SATORU IS EXHAUSTED. But he thinks that there is no use to sleep. He knows he cannot. The room was bathed in the soft glow of a single lamp, the light too dim to chase away the shadows that lingered in every corner, just like the uncertainty that hung between you and Satoru.

He sat across from you on the edge of the bed, his usual carefree demeanor gone, replaced by a solemn stillness that felt out of place on him. His eyes, usually so vibrant and mischievous, were tired tonight, the weight of tomorrow pulling down his every breath.

"You don’t have to do this." Your voice came out in a whisper, the words heavy with a desperation you’d been trying to suppress.

Satoru didn’t answer right away. His gaze was locked on the floor, and for a moment, you wondered if he was even listening. But then he looked up, his piercing blue eyes meeting yours, and there was something in them you rarely saw—fear.

"It’s not like I have a choice," he murmured, his voice strained. "You know that."

You did. And that made it worse. He was the strongest, after all. If anyone had to stand against Sukuna, it was him. But the weight of those expectations had never felt heavier than it did now, with the reality of the fight looming closer with every passing second.

"I hate this, Satoru." you confessed, your voice trembling. "I hate that it always comes down to you, that you’re the one who has to bear this."

Satoru smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He stood and crossed the small space between you, kneeling in front of you, his hands gently resting on your knees. His touch was warm, grounding, but it did nothing to quell the storm raging inside you.

"Hey." he said softly, lifting your chin so you’d look at him. "I know it’s not fair. But it’s what I have to do."

You shook your head, biting back the tears that threatened to spill. "But what if—" The words caught in your throat, the question too painful to finish.

Satoru’s thumb brushed against your cheek, wiping away a tear you didn’t even realize had fallen. "Don’t think about that," he whispered, his voice as soft as the night air outside. "Not tonight."

"But how can I not?" you shot back, your frustration breaking through. "How can I pretend that everything will be fine when I know you’re going to face him? When I know there’s a chance that—"

He silenced you with a kiss, his lips gentle but firm, grounding you in the present, in this moment. When he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.

"I’ll come back to you," he promised, but even he couldn’t hide the uncertainty in his voice. “To you and Satoshi. And… I’ll bring Megumi and Tsumiki back. We’ll be a family again, like we used to be.”

It was the way he said it—so sure, so certain—that made it all the more unbearable. As if speaking it aloud would somehow make it true, would make the universe bend to his will the same way he bent the forces of space and time. But you knew better now, didn’t you? You’ve always known. Satoru Gojo, the man who was too powerful to fail, too stubborn to admit defeat, could never stop lying—not to you, not to himself. He believed in his own invincibility, as if his strength alone could rewrite the world.

But the world doesn’t work that way.

And you think then, that your husband has always been a liar.

You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve heard those words, promises wrapped in silk and carelessness, the way they tumbled off his tongue so casually. It was as though the act of saying it was enough for him, as though the truth could be commanded with just his voice. And maybe for a long time, it was.

Satoru Gojo, the strongest sorcerer, the man who could bend the world to his whims and yet still—he was human. And humans lie. Sometimes because they have to, sometimes because the lie feels better than the truth.

But tonight, in the quiet hours before dawn, the weight of his words pressed down harder than ever. We’ll be a family again, like we used to be. You wanted to scream at him, to shake him, to make him stop speaking as if the world was something he could fix with his bare hands. Megumi was gone, taken by darkness, by fate, and Tsumiki…Tsumiki was as good as lost to you both. Even if Satoru came back, even if he somehow survived this fight with Sukuna, the cracks in your family couldn’t simply be patched over like they had never existed.

You bit your lip, tasting the bitterness of unshed tears.

"You always say that," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the soft hum of the night. "But you don’t know this time, do you?"

His gaze faltered, the usual gleam in his eyes dimming for a fraction of a second. It was a flicker of something too vulnerable, too raw—something he rarely let anyone see. It was the truth that lingered behind his endless bravado, the truth that no amount of strength could hide: he didn’t know if he could win this time.

And you had known it all along.

Satoru had always come back to you. Bruised, battered, bleeding—but alive. He would stumble through the door with that infuriating grin, wipe the blood off his face with the back of his hand, and act like nothing had ever been in doubt. But this time was different. This wasn’t just another battle against curses or enemies who fell beneath his overwhelming strength. This was Sukuna.

"I’ll bring Megumi and Tsumiki back," he had said, as if they were just lost children in the woods, waiting for him to lead them home. But Megumi had slipped beyond reach, swallowed by the very darkness Satoru had spent his life fighting. How could he promise to bring him back when he could barely keep the pieces of himself together?

"You can’t save everyone, Satoru," you whispered, your heart breaking as you said it aloud, the truth as bitter as the lie was sweet. "Not even with all your power."

His hand tightened around yours, his grip almost too strong, as if holding onto you could somehow anchor him to the world, to the promise he so desperately wanted to believe. "I have to try," he murmured, his voice rough, as if the words themselves were painful to speak. "For you. For Satoshi. For them."

Satoshi. Your son. His name hung in the air like a thread between you, a fragile tether that held what little remained of your family together. You could see it in Satoru’s eyes—the fear of leaving his child without a father, the guilt of not being able to protect him from the storm that loomed over your lives. But you also saw the lie there, the same lie he told every time he went to war. The lie that he would come back unscathed, that he could shield all of you from the world’s cruelty just by being who he was.

But he couldn’t. Not this time.

"Satoru," you whispered, your voice breaking. "You don’t have to be everything for us. You don’t have to be invincible."

His eyes softened, and for a moment, just a moment, the mask slipped. He let you see the man beneath the legend, the man who was just as terrified as you were. "I’m not invincible," he admitted, the words barely audible. "But I can’t give up on them. I can’t give up on us."

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Even in his most vulnerable moments, even when the odds were impossibly stacked against him, Satoru Gojo refused to let go of hope. He clung to it as fiercely as he clung to you, because to do anything less would mean admitting that maybe—just maybe—he wasn’t strong enough.

And in that moment, you realized something: it wasn’t that your husband was a liar. It was that he couldn’t afford to tell the truth, because if he did, the weight of it might break him.

So, you let him hold onto his lie, let him believe in a future where you, Satoshi, Megumi, and Tsumiki could all be together again. Maybe it was kinder that way. For both of you.

As the night stretched on and the inevitable dawn crept closer, you pressed your face against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. For now, that was all you had—the warmth of him beside you, the sound of his heart still beating, the fragile hope that somehow, against all odds, he would come back to you.

And maybe, just maybe, the lie would come true.

“I always have, don’t I?” he added, a faint smirk pulling at the corner of his lips, that signature bravado surfacing in an attempt to reassure you. “I’ve always won the day. I’ll come back.”

Your husband’s bright eyes—those crystalline blue eyes that had seen so much, fought through so much—they betrayed him. Beneath that unwavering confidence, there was something else. Fear? Doubt? It was a crack in the façade of the invincible man you married, a truth too terrifying to speak aloud.

Your throat tightened as you met his gaze, the silence between you heavier than any words could be. He had always come back, hadn’t he? Through every impossible battle, every mission that should have left him broken or worse, he had somehow returned to you, grinning as if the world itself were a game only he knew how to win.

But that wasn’t the whole truth. The nights he returned bruised, bleeding, barely standing, those nights played in your mind like a broken record. He made light of it all, brushing off your worries with a laugh, a kiss, a flippant “I’m fine.” But those were lies too, weren’t they? Lies wrapped in love.

“Satoru,” you breathed, your voice unsteady, “you don’t have to say it.”

His smirk faltered, just for a second, and that brief flicker of vulnerability nearly undid you. He pulled you closer, his hand cradling the back of your neck, his touch tender but laced with desperation. "But I will come back," he insisted, his voice soft but firm. "I always do."

You wanted to believe him. You needed to. Because to imagine a world where he didn’t come back, where that promise wasn’t fulfilled, was a world too cruel to fathom. But tonight, as the shadow of Sukuna loomed larger than ever, the weight of that lie pressed down on you both. What if this time, his strength wasn’t enough?

“What if…” you started, but he silenced you with a finger pressed gently against your lips.

“No ‘what ifs,’” he whispered, though you both knew better than that. Satoru had lived his life defying fate, bending it to his will. But not even the strongest sorcerer could escape death forever.

His hand moved from your neck to cup your cheek, his thumb tracing the curve of your face as if trying to memorize it, as if this moment might be his last chance. You could see the weight of the world in his eyes, the burden of being the one everyone relied on, the one expected to face the impossible—and win.

But for once, he wasn’t invincible to you. He was just a man, your husband, and for the first time, you saw the lie for what it was: his way of protecting you. Of protecting himself from the truth that this might be the one fight he couldn’t walk away from.

You placed your hand over his, feeling the warmth of his skin, and in that moment, you didn’t care about lies or truths, about promises or fears. You just wanted him here, now, with you. "Then stay with me a little longer," you whispered, your voice breaking.

Satoru closed his eyes, exhaling deeply, and nodded. "I’m here," he said, pulling you into his arms, his voice a soft, almost broken promise. "I’m here."

And for tonight, that would have to be enough.

The two of you stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, neither speaking, just holding onto each other as if by doing so, you could freeze time, stop the inevitable from coming. You memorized the feel of his hands on your skin, the warmth of his body against yours, the sound of his heartbeat under your palm. You clung to the moment as if it were your last.

As the night wore on, you both lay down, tangled in each other’s arms. Sleep didn’t come easily, and when it did, it was fitful, haunted by the looming specter of tomorrow. You held onto him tightly, afraid that if you let go, he would disappear into the darkness, never to return.

In the early hours before dawn, Satoru stirred, his arms tightening around you one last time. The weight of the night clung to both of you, thick and heavy, the silence between his breaths and your heart beats a fragile barrier against the coming storm.

You felt him shift beside you, his warmth pulling you closer, as if holding you tighter could keep the inevitable at bay for just a moment longer. His fingers traced gentle circles on your back, his touch familiar, grounding, but laced with an unspoken tension.

"I’ll be back, hm?" he whispered again, the words soft and lingering in the stillness. His voice, usually so sure, faltered at the edges, as though he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to comfort you.

He said it like a prayer, like repeating it enough times could bend fate, twist reality to make it true. But you knew better. You both did. Those words, though meant to soothe, carried the weight of all the times you’d heard them before, and the growing fear that this time might be different.

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t. The knot in your throat tightened, a lump of unspoken fears and uncried tears. There was too much to say, too much that couldn’t be put into words without breaking whatever fragile hope remained between you. If you spoke now, you might lose whatever composure you had left, and you needed to hold on to it, if only for his sake.

Instead, you pressed your face against his chest, your ear resting just above his heart. The steady, rhythmic beating echoed through your body, its cadence familiar and reassuring, a sound that had become synonymous with home.

It was the same heartbeat you’d fallen asleep to countless nights, the one you’d clung to after long missions, when he’d returned battered but smiling, and you’d held him just like this—like he was your anchor to the world.

But this time, it was different. You weren’t just seeking comfort; you were memorizing it. The sound, the feel of his chest rising and falling beneath your cheek, the warmth of his skin against yours. You were committing it all to memory, engraving it deep into your soul because, somewhere in the back of your mind, a quiet voice whispered that this might be the last time.

Each beat of his heart became a marker, a reminder of the moments you had shared, of all the laughter and love and quiet nights like this one. But now, it also carried the weight of what could be lost. The inevitability of tomorrow pressed against your chest, suffocating, as if time itself was slipping through your fingers.

You tighten your grip around him, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, unwilling to let go, even as the sky outside began to lighten with the first traces of dawn. The sun was rising, and with it, the time for him to leave drew nearer.

Satoru’s hand moved to your hair, his fingers threading through it gently, soothingly. He kissed the top of your head, and though his touch was as tender as ever, there was a lingering sadness in it. He held you like he was trying to memorize you, too, like this was as much for him as it was for you. He didn’t say anything more, perhaps because he knew that no words would ease the ache that had settled between you, a chasm neither of you could cross.

As the first rays of sunlight filtered through the window, casting a soft, golden glow over the room, you felt him shift again, his breath hitching slightly as he prepared to rise. You wanted to beg him to stay, to forget about everything else, just for today. But you knew he couldn’t, and you wouldn’t ask that of him. He had a duty, a burden that he had carried for as long as you had known him. And no matter how much you wanted to keep him safe, you couldn’t shield him from what was coming.

When he finally moved to leave, your arms loosened around him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let go completely. Not yet. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a moment longer than he needed to, as if he, too, was trying to hold on to this last fragment of peace before it was shattered.

“I’ll be back.” he whispered once more, his breath warm against your skin.

This time, you didn’t respond because you couldn’t. Instead, you closed your eyes, letting the sound of his heartbeat linger in your memory, holding onto it as tightly as you held onto him. The door would close behind him soon, and with it, he would walk into the fight of his life, a battle that you both knew could be his last. But for now, in this fleeting moment before dawn, you let yourself believe in the lie, because the truth was too painful to bear.

And when he finally left, the door closing softly behind him, you were left alone in the silence, the echo of his promise lingering in the air, fragile and fleeting.

HE DOESN’T KNOW WHY, BUT HE JUST FELT LIKE TALKING. Quite unlike him, if he was being honest with himself.  But as Gojo Satoru sat beside Itadori Yuji, all he could think about was peace of mind. And to do that, he thinks he should talk.

Gojo Satoru could feel his usual smirk playing at the corners of his mouth, though today it felt more subdued. They had been talking for a while now, their conversation meandering from one thing to another. But beneath Satoru’s lighthearted tone, Yuji sensed something deeper. Something weighed heavy on his teacher’s mind.

“When something happens, I want you to be there for me, Yuji.” Satoru said suddenly, his eyes staring ahead. His voice was soft, but not weak—it carried the strength of someone who had lived with the knowledge that he had to bear the world on his shoulders. “I have love and dreams too, you know.”

Yuji blinked, surprised by the vulnerability in Satoru’s words. He wasn’t used to hearing his sensei talk like this, with a depth that seemed so different from his usual carefree attitude.

Satoru glanced at Yuji, his smile widening slightly, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “But you know, one day, everyone will grow up and leave me behind, right?”

Yuji didn’t know how to respond. The idea of leaving Satoru behind felt impossible. But Satoru’s words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his loneliness. It was a rare glimpse into the mind of the man everyone thought was invincible.

“I have high hopes for you.” Satoru continued, his voice becoming more playful, but there was something fragile beneath the surface. “Desire and ambition!”

“I could never forget you.” Yuji said as he smiled nervously, trying to deflect the seriousness with humor, though it didn’t quite land. 

Satoru sighed. “I honestly think it’s better to have someone stronger than me who can truly forget my existence.”

“Isn’t that a bit concerning, Sensei?” Yuji asked after a moment, tilting his head. “Are you okay with that?”

Satoru’s smile softened. “Ah, you’re so young and naïve!” he said fondly, his voice carrying an almost paternal tone. “You’re brimming with confidence, aren’t you?”

The conversation lulled, and for a moment, the two sat in silence, the air between them thick with unsaid things. And then, Satoru spoke again, but this time his voice was lower, as if he were confessing something he hadn’t shared with anyone else.

“You know, Yuji…..” Satoru began, his gaze distant. The most emotional Yuji had seen him to be. “Sometimes I wish I could just… run away. With my beloved. My wife. Megumi, Tsumiki, and little Satoshi too. I dream about it sometimes. Hiding us away somewhere no one could find us. No more battles, no more curses… just peace. We’d be a family again.”

Yuji looked at his sensei Gojo, stunned. He had never heard his teacher speak like this before, as though the weight of being the strongest had finally worn him down. Gojo Satoru’s dream of escaping, of living a quiet life with the people he loved—it was so human. 

So far removed from the man everyone saw as untouchable, undefeatable. But at this moment, Satoru wasn’t the strongest sorcerer in the world. He was just a man who wanted to protect the people he loved. A man who longed for something simple, something real.

“That’s my dream, my love and dreams.” Satoru whispered, his voice barely audible. “But I know it’s impossible. The world needs me too much.”

Yuji’s heart ached for him. He didn’t know what to say, so instead, he simply sat there, hoping that in his silence, his sensei could feel his support.

Satoru sighed, standing up and stretching as if to shake off the heaviness of their conversation. “Anyway, enough of that.” he said, flashing his usual grin. “Let’s focus on what’s in front of us.”

But even as he spoke, Yuji couldn’t shake the feeling that, deep down, Satoru Gojo longed for something far beyond his reach.

Yuji stared at Satoru, processing the weight of his sensei's words. It was hard to imagine Satoru Gojo, the invincible sorcerer who seemed so carefree, harboring such a vulnerable wish. A man who could crush enemies with ease, someone who always had the answers—yet, here he was, confessing a dream that would never come true.

“I never thought… you’d want something like that, Sensei.” Yuji admitted quietly, his voice breaking the silence. “I guess I never really thought about what you’d want outside of all this.”

Satoru glanced at him, a softer smile playing on his lips. “That’s the thing, isn’t it? When you’re as strong as I am, no one really thinks to ask what you want. They think you don’t need anything… or anyone.”

Yuji frowned, guilt washing over him. He hadn’t meant to think that way about Gojo Satoru, but it was true. He had always seen his teacher as larger than life, almost beyond human in his ability to control any situation, to be everywhere and nowhere at once.

"But... you have them, Sensei." Yuji said slowly, searching for the right words. "Your wife, Megumi, Tsumiki, and Satoshi… They need you, don't they? Maybe you can’t run away, but you still have something, sensei. A family. Isn't that enough?”

Satoru chuckled, but the sound was hollow, lacking its usual energy. He sat back down beside Yuji, his gaze once again distant. “You’d think that, right? But the stronger you are, the more people take from you. It’s like… I’m always on borrowed time. I’m always one fight away from leaving them behind too.”

Yuji swallowed hard. He’d never thought about Satoru’s life in that way. It was a sobering realization, that even someone as powerful as Gojo was constantly battling not just external threats but the fear of losing what little he had.

“I wish I could protect them from everything.” Satoru murmured. “Just take them somewhere far away… no more battles, no more cursed energy. Just… quiet. But no matter how strong I am, I can’t do that. I can’t just… leave the world to burn while we live in peace.”

He turned to Yuji then, his icy blue eyes piercing through the air. “You know, sometimes I think I was selfish for bringing them into my world. Megumi, Tsumiki, Satoshi… my wife. They didn’t ask for this. I chose this life for them.”

“Sensei.” Yuji started, unsure of what to say. His heart ached for Satoru. “They love you. And… they wouldn’t want to live without you, either. Even if it’s dangerous.”

Satoru’s lips twitched upward in a bittersweet smile. “Yeah, I know. But love’s a tricky thing, Yuji. It’s not enough to stop the world from trying to tear us apart. It never has been.”

Yuji nodded, not fully understanding, but feeling the gravity of Satoru’s words. There was a silence between them, but it was heavy with the weight of shared thoughts, of unspoken dreams and impossible futures.

Satoru leaned back, his hands resting behind his head. “But hey, that’s just how it goes, right? No point in dwelling on things we can’t change.”

He looked at Yuji with a bright grin, but it felt like a mask—one Yuji was starting to see through more and more. “So, enough about me. What about you? What are your dreams, Yuji?”

Yuji blinked, surprised by the sudden shift. “My dreams?”

Satoru nodded. “Yeah. You must have some. Or did you think I was the only one allowed to have them?”

Yuji scratched the back of his neck, thinking for a moment. “I guess… I don’t know. I never really thought that far ahead. I’ve been so focused on everything happening now, I never gave myself the chance.”

Satoru chuckled softly. “That’s the thing with us, sorcerers. We get so caught up in fighting for today, we forget to dream about tomorrow.”

Yuji looked down at his hands, feeling a strange sense of guilt. “Do you really think… you can never have that life you want?”

Satoru didn’t answer right away. Instead, he closed his eyes, letting the wind ruffle his silver hair. For a moment, he was just Satoru—not the strongest, not the invincible sorcerer, but a man burdened by the life he had to lead.

“I don’t know, Yuji……” he said quietly, almost to himself. “But I like to dream that maybe, someday… we could all disappear. And live. Just live.  Just me, my wife, Megumi, Tsumiki, Satoshi… away from everything. Living in peace.”

His voice trailed off, and Yuji could hear the longing in it. The truth was, Satoru Gojo might be the strongest sorcerer alive, but even he was bound by the same rules as everyone else. He couldn’t run from the world, couldn’t hide from the battles he had to fight.

But it didn’t stop him from dreaming.

Yuji looked at him with a new understanding, realizing that no matter how strong someone was, they still carried their own struggles, their own wishes and dreams. And sometimes, those dreams were just as fragile as anyone else's.

"Maybe one day, sensei." Yuji said softly, with an honest smile. "You won't have to fight anymore."

Satoru chuckled, opening one eye to glance at Yuji. "Maybe. But until then, we keep going."

And with that, the conversation ended, but the weight of it lingered between them—a reminder that even the strongest had dreams they longed to chase, even if those dreams were just out of reach.

YOU THINK YOU WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT FOR A LONG TIME. When you wait for your eyes to close with finality, the weight of the years presses down on you, a quiet fatigue settling into your bones. You’re tired—so tired—and when you open them again, you're met with the familiar sight of Fushiguro Megumi and Gojo Satoshi. Your two sons, waiting for you to go and leave them. 

Megumi stands tall, his arms crossed as usual, but his gaze softens when he sees you. Satoshi, ever his opposite, smiles that wide, carefree grin of his. They both look at you, concern etched into their features.

"I'm exhausted." you tell them softly, the words slipping out like a confession you’ve been holding in for far too long.

“You can’t die yet, Mother......" Satoshi pipes up, his voice steady, but the cracks of fear were unmistakable. His usual bright demeanor falters, his hands trembling ever so slightly as he grips the hem of his shirt. His voice may be steady, but his eyes betray him—glossed with unshed tears, reflecting a grief he’s not ready to face. Not now. Not yet. 

“You’re still too young!” There’s urgency in his words, a childlike plea echoing in his tone, though he’s long since grown past childhood. The way his shoulders hunch forward, the way his gaze darts between you and Megumi—he’s holding on. Clutching to hope as if his words could anchor you to this world a little longer. 

Megumi stands beside him, more composed, but his silence carries a weight just as heavy. He nods, his expression solemn. “He’s right, Gen-san.” Megumi adds quietly.

His voice is low, restrained, as though he’s struggling to hold back everything he truly wants to say. His hands remain tucked in his pockets, his face as unreadable as ever, but his eyes—the eyes you’ve known for so many years—hold a flicker of something deeper. Desperation? Fear? Perhaps both.

"You’re only 48. You still have time left."

His words are careful, deliberate, each one carrying the weight of someone who’s had to shoulder too much responsibility, too much loss. The faint tremor in his voice betrays how much he’s already bracing himself for another wound, another absence he’ll have to carry.

You look at them both—Satoshi, who still clings to hope as though it could somehow rewrite fate, and Megumi, whose quiet strength has always shielded him from the full brunt of the pain—but not this time. They both stand there, torn between urging you to stay and accepting the inevitable.

But you smile at them, a soft, knowing smile that carries the weight of the years, the joy and the sorrow, the love and the loss. It's a smile that’s lived through the ache of life without Satoru, a smile that remembers every laugh, every argument, every stolen glance, and every moment that felt too brief. 

“I know, I know......” you say, your voice gentle, steady. There’s a peace in your tone that they don’t yet understand, a quiet acceptance that fills the space between you. “But I’m ready. I’ve missed Satoru... for so long.”

And in that moment, as you say his name, the air feels lighter, as if the years of separation, the longing, the silent ache in your chest begins to unravel. You missed him—not just in fleeting moments or in passing thoughts, but in the depths of your soul. Every day, every night. The space he left behind has been a constant companion, a reminder of what once was and what could never be again.

The tears in Satoshi’s eyes finally spill over, and Megumi’s lips press into a thin line, his jaw tightening, but neither of them say anything. They understand, even if they don’t want to.

Because love—true, enduring love—is something that even death can’t diminish. And they know you loved Satoru with all that you were, and perhaps, even now, they understand that your heart has been waiting for him all along.

The weight in your chest lightens as you speak his name. Megumi frowns but doesn't say anything more, and Satoshi’s smile falters, understanding settling into their eyes. 

You close your eyes once again, the world fading into a peaceful darkness. There's a brief moment of silence, a quiet passing, before a familiar voice echoes softly, teasingly:

“Did you miss me?”

Tears well up before you even open your eyes. You don’t need to see him to know it’s him. The voice, that unmistakable voice—playful, laced with all the love and mischief you’d missed for too long.

When your eyes flutter open, there he is—Satoru, standing before you, that brilliant smile lighting up his face. The tears fall freely now, but for the first time in years, they're not from

“Satoru......” you breathe, his name barely a whisper on your lips, as though speaking it aloud might break the fragile moment. Your voice catches in your throat, a mix of disbelief, relief, and the sorrow that’s lived inside you for far too long.

It’s a name you’ve spoken to the silence of empty rooms, whispered into the night when no one was there to hear, a name tied to a thousand memories you’ve held onto so tightly for all these years. 

The tears that have welled up in your eyes begin to spill over, blurring the figure before you, but you don’t need to see him to know it’s him. You feel him—his presence, his warmth, the way his energy fills the space around you like it always did. 

He steps closer, closing the distance between you in a way that feels like the erasure of all those agonizing years of separation. His familiar warmth envelops you, wrapping around you like an embrace you’ve longed for, like a homecoming after a journey that has lasted far too long.

The brush of his thumb against your cheek is achingly gentle, tender as he wipes away the tears that won’t stop falling. His touch, so familiar, yet so missed, sends a wave of emotions crashing over you—grief for the years you lost, joy for the moment you never thought you’d have again.

"You came back to me, finally." His voice is quieter now, the usual teasing that you had come to know so well is gone, replaced by something deeper—something raw and vulnerable, a depth of emotion he often hid beneath his bravado.

There’s relief in his words, but also a quiet sorrow, as if he too felt the weight of all the time you’d spent apart. As if he too had been waiting, missing you just as much as you had missed him.

His breath is warm against your skin, and you hear the slight tremor in his voice, that hint of fragility in the man who always seemed invincible to you. There’s a vulnerability in him now, standing before you, as though he’s afraid this moment might not be real. Afraid that if he holds you too tightly, you might slip away again.

His thumb continues to trace gentle patterns along your cheek, the rhythm of it soothing and familiar, grounding you in the reality that he’s truly here. And as he looks at you, his bright blue eyes softer now, there’s a depth to them that speaks to all the words left unsaid, to all the years spent in separation, to the weight of the grief he carried alone.

"I waited and waited, stalling some gods....." he continues, his voice just above a whisper now, the teasing facade stripped away, leaving only the rawness of his feelings. "I waited so long, and every day… I missed you."

There’s a moment of silence that stretches between you, heavy with the unspoken sorrow of time lost, of love interrupted by forces beyond your control. His hand, still cradling your face, trembles just slightly, as if even Satoru, with all his strength, couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again.

The weight of it all—of everything you endured, everything you lost—comes crashing down at once, and you let out a soft, broken sob. You feel his arms wrap around you, pulling you against him, holding you close like he’s afraid to ever let go. 

“I missed you too. So so much.” you whisper into his chest, your tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt. “I never stopped missing you, Satoru.”

You feel his chest rise and fall with a deep breath, his lips pressing softly against your forehead. And for the first time in what feels like forever, the sorrow that’s been living inside you begins to ease. It doesn’t disappear entirely—grief never really does—but here, in Satoru’s arms, it feels lighter. It feels like, maybe, you can finally rest.

And in that moment, you realize that the exhaustion, the waiting—it was all worth it. You're home.

epilogue

The afterlife wasn’t exactly what you expected. Instead of floating through clouds or endless fields of serenity, you found yourself at what looked like an airport terminal. Before you could process how bizarre this was, you spotted them—Kaiko and Namie, both waving like maniacs from the crowd.

“Finally!” Kaiko shouts, sprinting toward you with the grace of someone who has no concept of personal space. Namie follows, beaming brightly, and within seconds, they’re both squeezing the life out of you.

“Guys, air... I need air!” you gasp, but they only hug you tighter. Kaiko plants a kiss on your cheek, and Namie loops an arm around your waist like they’ve been waiting years for this reunion.

“We missed you so much, you know?” Kaiko pouts, ignoring your protests. “The afterlife just isn’t the same without you.”

“Excuse me.” You look over Kaiko’s shoulder to see Satoru, sunglasses slightly askew, his mouth pulled into a pout that could rival a spoiled child’s. “You’re hogging my wife.”

Kaiko smirks, not even turning to look at Satoru. “Your wife? Funny, because I’m pretty sure I was her first love.” She raises an eyebrow, tilting her head ever so slightly as if daring him to challenge the claim.

Satoru's eyes narrow behind his shades. “That was ages ago, you homewrecker! She married me—” he steps forward, pointing at the both of you— “not you.”

“Oh please,” Kaiko rolls her eyes. “I’ve known her longer. I laid the groundwork. I was and always will be the original concept!”

Satoru steps closer, his height towering over Kaiko but Kaiko isn’t fazed. “She chose me.”

“She settled for you, shitty eyes!” Kaiko quips, her grin widening. “There’s a difference.”

And that’s all it takes. Satoru’s eyebrow twitches, and suddenly they’re in each other’s faces like squabbling children. You can barely get a word in before they start throwing insults—Kaiko jabbing at Satoru’s height, Satoru boasting about his undeniable charm.

“Guys, seriously?” You rub your temples, trying to hold back laughter. “This is ridiculous.”

Geto Suguru, ever the voice of reason (or at least the one who knows when to pick his battles), sidles up beside you with a casual smile. “Looks like some things never change.”

You grin at him, feeling a sense of ease that only Suguru can bring. “Tell me about it. Can’t believe I’m back and they’re already fighting over me.”

“Typical Satoru!” Suguru laughs. “He never could handle competition.” He offers you a knowing look, then gestures to the absurd scene in front of you. “Should we break it up?”

“Nah, let them tire themselves out.” you reply, waving a hand dismissively. “They’ll realize how stupid they’re being soon enough.”

As if on cue, Kaiko flicks Satoru in the forehead. “She loved my kisses first!”

“Oh, for—" Satoru huffs, about to lunge at Kaiko when you step in between them. “She loved mine more!”

“Oh shut up,your kisses are slimy and disgusting!”

“HUH!? You take that back!”

“Ugly frog! Bwah!” 

“Alright, enough.” You shake your head, stifling a laugh. “Satoru, Kaiko, stop acting like children. I’m here for everyone, okay?”

“Everyone except Kaiko.” Satoru mutters under his breath.

Suguru chuckles beside you, giving you a side glance. “Welcome back.”

You smile, patting his shoulder. “Good to be back. I see things haven’t changed much.”

As Kaiko and Satoru continue bickering like they’re back in high school, Suguru leans over, smirking. “Should we take bets on who wins this round?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Nah, I’m putting my money on Namie. She’s going to step in and drag both of them away soon enough.”

And, just like clockwork, Namie swoops in, grabbing Kaiko by the arm and tugging her toward the exit, muttering about “taking this fight outside.”

Satoru watches them go, arms crossed, still pouting. He looks at you, expectant, as if waiting for reassurance.

You chuckle, stepping closer and placing a hand on his chest. “Relax, Satoru. You know you’re the one I chose.”

His pout softens into a grin, and he leans down to kiss your forehead. “Damn right.”

And with that, the chaos of the airport fades into the background, as you bask in the comfort of having your husband by your side—and of course, the endless entertainment of old rivals.