#like a small reminder of ‘you went through hard times but survived and can live to eat another day

[strawberri-draws]

Silly entry for day 3 of potsnpicksweek (Dinner/Modern AU/Gift)!

[just-dreaming-marvel]

I'm From Brooklyn, Too ~ 164

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

I'M FROM BROOKLYN, TOO MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,800ish

Summary: Y/N and Bucky have a date.

Notes: Sorry it took so long and I hope this isn't trash!

“Why the hell am I so nervous, Nat? It’s not like Buck and I haven’t been on a date before.”

“But have you? Like before the war, were they official dates?”

“Well, no.”

“And when Bucky was in Wakanda?”

“I’d call those dates.”

“Okay. But, have the two of you ever had sex?”

“…No…”

“This is your first real date with Bucky. And that’s completely okay. You two have lived long and very hard lives.”

“Nat—“

“No. No second guesses. This is your chance. Yours and Bucky’s.”

“But I can’t just think about me. I’m a mother. I have Morgan, who happens to be Howard Stark’s grandchild. Which, if you remember, the Winter Soldier killed and I—“

“Okay, okay, breathe.” Natasha held Y/N’s head in her hands. “Bucky loves Morgan, and Morgan already loves Bucky. Right now, you and Bucky need to figure out what type of love remains between the two of you. Whatever happens, will happen, and that’s okay. Just enjoy this small sense of normalcy by going on this date and take it from there.”

“I don’t know if I would survive all this without you, Nat.”

Natasha smiled. “I know. Now, you have a nice night. I’m going to pick up Morgan, and we’re going to come back and have a movie night. I called and had the New York penthouse cleaned up if you need it. Stay out. Stay the night. Whatever you feel comfortable with.”

“You think of absolutely everything.”

“Again, I know… Also, Clint is asking when we’re all coming to visit.”

“Uh… two weeks?”

“I’ll let him know.” Natasha squeezed Y/N’s shoulder. “Don’t overthink this. This is a fresh start. Have fun.”

~~~

Happy drove Y/N into the city despite her saying that she could herself. He had to remind Y/N that she was under heavy watch since she freaked out on live television. Giving her the ultimatum that it was either Happy driving her or Rhodey’s security detail, Y/N went with Happy.

“You’re nervous,” Happy stated, glancing back at her in the rearview mirror.

“I’ve got to tone it down,” Y/N muttered. “My powers could act up.”

“Tony already gave you his blessing.”

“I know…”

“All he ever wanted was your happiness.”

“I miss him.”

“Me too… Don’t let him get in the way tonight. Let yourself be in the moment with Barnes. You both need it.”

“Will you be staying close by tonight?”

“I’ll be just a phone call away.”

Y/N sighed in relief. “Thanks, Hap… for everything.”

Happy shot Y/N a smile from the rearview mirror. “Of course.”

Y/N’s fingers anxiously tapped on her knee. She was trying to watch herself and remain calm, feeling her power want to bubble to the surface. It needed to stay concealed tonight. Y/N couldn’t let herself get too emotional or anxious that her power got in the way. Y/N inhaled sharply as Happy pulled up to Bucky’s apartment building and parked. He turned around.

“If you really don’t want to do this, we can go back home,” he told her. Y/N knew that he was serious.

“I think I’ll be good, Hap,” she replied.

“You call me the second you need out. I’ll be here. And if Barnes does anything you don’t want—“

“I’ll call you, Happy, before I burn the place down.” Y/N reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “Thanks for caring.”

He patted Y/N’s hand. “Always. Now go have fun.”

Y/N gave him a smile before getting out of the car. Happy watched as she slowly entered the building. He could only hope that she’d let herself relax and have fun tonight. Y/N needed it more than most.

~~~

Bucky was freaking out. He had cleaned his apartment what felt like a thousand times. He had planned and replanned this date a bunch, too, ending up deciding to make dinner for Y/N and have a chill night at his place. Bucky had started putting dinner together in the kitchen when there was a knock at the door. He walked over and peered through the peephole on the door. Y/N was standing on the other side, nervously looking around and nibbling on her lip. Bucky took a deep breath before opening his door.

“Hi,” he greeted as Y/N’s eyes met his.

“Hi,” she replied with a timid smile.

“Come in.” Bucky stepped back, opening the door wider for her.

“Thanks.” 

Y/N came into his apartment and looked around. The apartment was a small one-bed, one-bathroom. The place was barely furnished. There wasn’t anything on the walls, no pillows on the couch. There was a small kitchen with an island all set to eat, a couch, and a TV. 

“I know it’s not much,” Bucky said, almost ashamed.

“It’s perfect, Buck,” Y/N responded. “Are we staying in tonight?”

“If that’s okay with you.”

“It’s perfect.”

He motioned to the bar stools. “Take a seat. I’ll get you a drink.”

Y/N nodded, moving to take a seat. “Do you need any help with dinner?”

“I’ve got it handled. You just sit there.” He handed you a drink.

“So I get a show too? I think I could get used to this.”

The banter and light conversation flowed smoothly between the two as Bucky finished putting dinner together. Bucky and Y/N fell into a comfortable silence as they began eating.

“This is very good, Buck,” Y/N praised. “Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“I watch a lot of cooking shows since I don’t sleep,” Bucky responded. Y/N’s heart broke at the admission, and Bucky could see it all over her face. He simply shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

“What still haunts you?”

“Everything.”

Y/N reached over and rested her hand against his. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing for you to apologize for.”

“What—Maybe I— I think I could help you.”

“No,” he shook his head. “I could never take advantage of —“

“I want to help you, Bucky. If you’ll let me.”

Bucky’s hand turned over to grip Y/N’s hand better. He stared at it as he rubbed his fingers against her hand. He knew that Y/N meant well and that she only wanted to help, but he didn’t want her to use her powers for something that she may not be comfortable with.

“I think you’re forgetting that I can read minds,” she smirked, having heard his thoughts. Standing up, she moved closer to Bucky. “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t comfortable with it. But I won’t do anything that you aren’t comfortable with.”

“I’ll let you help me sleep, just this once.”

“But I—“

“Just for tonight… As long as you’ll stay with me.” Y/N took in a sharp breath. “Nothing sexual. Just… two old friends helping each other out.”

Y/N lifted Bucky’s hand and kissed the back of it. “And what are you helping me out with exactly?”

“Come on, doll, I know that sleep is hard for you to come by, too.” Y/N looked away, guiltily. Bucky’s free hand came up to her chin, and gently guided her head to look back at him. “You’ve had the weight of the world on your shoulders for years as an Avenger and wielder of these powers. You also have a daughter who lost her father and her uncle, and you have lost your husband and your brother. Look me in the eye and tell me that you’ve slept well.” The two both knew that she couldn’t do it. “I understand if you need to get back to Morgan, though.”

“Natasha already has plans with Morgan.”

Bucky chuckled. “Of course she does. Always steps ahead of everyone.” He pulled Y/N into him, breath fanning over her lips. “Are you okay with this plan?”

“Mhm,” she nodded, her eyes glancing down to his lips. “We should, uh, clean up.”

“Okay.” He moved and kissed Y/N’s cheek. “Let’s clean up.”

The tension built as the two worked together in silence to clean up dinner. After it was cleaned, Bucky and Y/N found themselves facing each other on opposite ends of the small kitchen.

“I, uh, I don’t have anything to sleep in,” Y/N mumbled.

“I think I have something,” Bucky said. He hurried to his room, coming back with a shirt and some basketball shorts. “Will these work?”

“Yeah,” Y/N took the clothes from him, “thanks.”

“The bathroom is just down the hall, you can change in there.”

Y/N nodded as she headed to the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, she took a few deep breaths. This night had gone good so far and she didn’t want to ruin the rest of it. Changing into the borrowed clothes, she folded up her other clothes and left them on the counter. When Y/N exited the bathroom, she saw Bucky nervously pacing his bedroom. He stopped when he sensed her and turned.

“We don’t have to do this if you’re not comfortable, Buck,” she said, stepping into the room.

“I just… I don’t want you to see what I’ve done,” he admitted, hanging his head. “I don’t want you to look at me the way others do…”

“Bucky,” Y/N hurried across the room and took ahold of both of his hands. “I would never look at you any different because of what you were forced to do… It wasn’t you, Buck, it was the Winter Soldier and you deserve some peace.” Y/N let go of his hands to hold his face gently. “Let me help you get some peace, at least for one night.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Bucky, you deserve the world. Lay down.”

Bucky hesitated for a moment before following the order he had been given. Y/N watched as Bucky lay on the bed. He was stiff and clearly uncomfortable on the bed, but Y/N was hoping to change that. She came around the bed and crawled across it to kneel beside him.

“I’ve never done this before, so be patient,” Y/N said.

“I trust you, doll,” Bucky responded. 

Y/N placed her hands on either side of Bucky’s head. He watched as she closed her eyes and different colors of tendrils appeared from her fingertips and began to swirl around his head. Slowly, the Winter Soldier memories of his mind began to dim. They were still there but not as prominent as before. His eyes began to feel heavy. Bucky tried to fight it but eventually lost. Before he slipped into sleep, he could feel Y/N’s lips brush against his forehead.

“Sleep well, James,” she whispered. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

next chapter >

[francixoxoxo]

pirate billy finding a shell or an oyster with a pearl in it and feeling kind of silly giving it to mermaid reader because she lives with it all but he's just reminded of her when he sees beautiful things and he thinks everything lovely should belong to her. and mermaid reader loves it so much too :)

omg this is such a cute idea I think I went a little too crazy with it

As Billy turns the delicate thing over in his hands, he feels like a fool. You tend to have that affect on him.

His thumb feels over the small ridges of the oyster, hands behind his back. It’s already been cracked open a bit, though he left it to you to fully unfurl. You’re laying on your back in the sand, hands splayed over your belly (which you’re pleased to find is becoming dotted with sunspots, a token of spending time on the surface), and your eyelashes fanning against your cheeks. You already called for him to sit beside you, and sure, he’s shrugging off his boots and sticking his socks into the mouths of them, but he’s stalling. His baby blues are trained on the crown of hair sprawling around your head and collecting grains of sand, the low hum emanating from your throat as you hum a tune a mother’d sing to a young’un.

You already have what he wants to give you. You can find it anywhere, frankly, so what’s so special about the fact that the gift passed his fishhook-bitten and rope-scathed hands? Fact is that he ain’t got much to give. The most he can do is pick frangipani in their fullest bloom to thread into your hair, bend over a bracelet of twine for hours to ensure the rope is devoid of anything that could prick your soft skin, rove his eyes over the surf at low tide until he finds a worthy shell. A nook to lay in, to remain near to him even when miles separate you, a bed in the softest recesses of his heart; that's all he can give you.

"Billy?" You call again, opening an eye just by a crack. The tresses of your hair collect more sand as you tilt your head to see him. What could he possibly be pondering so hard, you don't know, but you know it won't be hard to coax it out of him.

"M'here." He's snapped out of his thoughts, willing his feet to move on the sand, finding it in himself to settle beside you. his feet are in the surf, the cold saltwater lapping at them tenderly. Satisfied with his presence, you close your eyes again, turning your face to the sun. Billy twirls and brushes his fingers through your locks affectionately.

The environment is gently licking at Billy's ears, all of it careful and all of it gentle, not one thing overpowering another. There is the warm breaths puffing from your nostrils, the sea's basin of rolling tides swishing against the shore, the faint twitter and warble of birds in the forest a ways away from the beach. You fit into this place like it was formed around you, like a party moves around a sleeping child on the sofa, the tide at your schedule, the sun at your preference, the wind at your whims. Billy sticks out like a sore thumb, thrown into this world with two left legs, stumbling like a fawn for survival. In the meanwhile, all that was beautiful in nature seemed to be created in your image.

He feels like a fool, presenting a queen with a birch twig when she is deserving of sapphire.

Billy fills his lungs in a deep breath and murmurs, "Got somethin' for you." The smile that splits your lips fills the growing cavity in his chest with a whisper of hope. Your eyes flutter open.

"Really?" Your smile was one that inspired murals. Billy nods, a laugh emanating deep from his chest. Carefully, he unclasps the hands in his lap, lifting a cupped palm to you, presenting the taupe oyster. As you take it into your own hands silently, a nervous feeling creeps up into Billy's stomach.

"I know y'probably got plenty, don't need none from me, but.. I dunno, I thought it was pretty. Made me think of you." Billy rambles, his brows drawing as he watches you. There is a tender smile on your cheeks, as you wedge both thumbnails into the tight-lipped mouth of the oyster. Masterfully pulling it open, not damaging the hinge, not needing a knife to shuck it. Of course you don't need a knife, his strong girl.

There's plenty more he wants to say, sure, he could fill a book with all the words to make up for the embarrassingly simple gift. But once the oyster is pried open and your thumbs are working the pearl out, he falls silent. You smile at him when you hold the small, ivory bead. "It's beautiful!" You lean over, bridging the small gap twixt you two and cupping his cheek in the hand not holding the pearl. His stubble is familiar, the scratch of it on your fingertips welcome. "It's already my favorite."

A breathy chuckle slips from Billy's lips, his eyes filled with a fond awe. You liked it, the thought is light with relief as it echoes in his head. It wasn't anything special to you. But it passed his hands, your man held it and wanted you in particular to have it. As he leans forward, tenderly bringing his lips onto yours, you feel absolutely certain that any gift from him would be cherished more than a bird appreciates the wind under its feathers; more than a fern cherishes the sun lending warm hands to its leaves; more than the sea cherishes the moon, willingly moving to its whims. Billy'd someday admit that he was under a similar gravity. Wherever you go, he will follow.

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

'i can take care of you. you won't need anyone but me.' for ithaqua? Please I love how you write him!

Sorry anon ithaqua decided he wanted to be a weirdo lol

Rated Mature | Warnings: that classic 'everything is going bad so we are gonna blame this one redhead'

Send a line

“I can take care of you. you won't need anyone but me.”

Those words linger in your mind, his masked face above you as he towered over you, his breathing nearly silent while you were breathing heavily. You had been running from him until he corralled you near a cliff overlooking the village.

Ithaqua, the creature of these woods, is mysterious and murderous.

“You don't need them. I will protect you.”

You ran from him, denied him, pushing past him to escape towards the voices calling out to you. His arm snatched you and kept you in place despite the fight you put in to get away from him. He only releases you to run into the priest's arm when the small search party finds you.

He has been seen, the Night Watch, the creature that haunts the Icy Forest. Yet as you hide burying your face in the chest of your God's speaker, the eyes of the Night Watch remain on you.

If only you had known the plan he pulled would bring you back to him one way or another.

The return home was silent, the priest told everyone to remain calm. The creature that plagues their land will fall; they will defeat the evil that haunted their ancestors.

“My child,” Ithaqua must have known what they would do, “Why have you forsaken us, those who have given you shelter and love?”

You looked horrified, you tried telling them what happened! You wrote the words on the paper you carry, they took it away as they grabbed you. Friends and family turning against you in an instant.

The village is not going to survive if this weather keeps up. The storm is keeping everyone inside their homes, and most of the supplies are dwindling. Many fear they aren't going to live to see the next spring.

You only left your house to try to find meat; a rabbit hole or a fox's den, anything to help. This they know, especially the priest who went looking for you.

“You will draw the creature here, witch! We will slay you and your master!”

It is a blur after that as if your mind could not handle the madness and tried to mentally escape. They hit you, a punch here or kick there, maybe a slap that cuts your lip. They tied you to a tree near the edge of the forest.

The plan to kill the creature is to use you as bait, claiming hellspawns always protect their own. But you are no hellspawn, no witch, you are just a misfortune soul who wants to help.

Was it because you could not speak? Was it because you are shy? Or was it the red hair you have… Your head hangs low as you pray to be saved, for this all to be a dream.

“I can take care of you. you won't need anyone but me.”

He spoke to you, approached you in silence like a breeze, his hand touching your hair before you could run away.

Why? Why? Why?

“Fan out!” One of the village hunters shouted as the wind kicked up around you.

You do not lift your head as the sound of crunching snow and a shadow soon looms over you. His long thin claws caress the side of your face. He leans forward, the sentences repeated.

“Say my name.” You now look up at him with an expression of defeat. “Say it and none will harm you ever again.”

The why is simple: You remind him of her. It was the hair that drew him to you, watching from afar this human with scarlet hair try so hard to be good. A natural kindness the people of this cursed village take advantage of too many times.

Under disguise he came to see you, a meek-looking young man passing through— None were the wiser. None truly wanted to be bothered with him or so much as to smile at him. Yet, there you were smiling and holding up a paper with a simple greeting, then waved.

You gave him food and shelter without expecting anything in return, you even gave him preserved food you made for his journey.

Such a sheep, Ithaqua feels, should not be left with wolves in sheepskin.

“I-Ithaqua.” A whisper followed by the thunderous roar of gunfire.

The hunters and the priest moved to where they set the trap only to see nothing, any trace of life taken by the blizzard.

[acaciusbride]

What about a reader x joel fic where reader is insecure of her body but joel doesn't care what her body looks like cause he loves her, and shows her how much he loves her with loads of fluff and maybe smut?

CWs: body image issues / insecurity / mild hints of internalised fatphobia / fatphobic language & insinuation

Notes: I went down the fluff route for this one, Anon, I hope that's okay.

It's not that you don't like how you look. In fact, you've spent a lot of time over the years actively fighting the impulse not to.

You've always been bigger. Curvy. Hell, as an adult, you have no problem labelling yourself as fat, because it's not a dirty word. Sure, there are people who would use it as a slur, but you've long since come to the conclusion that that's their problem, not yours.

You've fought tooth and nail to be comfortable in your own skin, in a world that valued your complete opposite.

It seems like nowadays, most people are on the slim side. That, or they're walls of solid muscle from hard labour. Being stocky is an asset; it means you can survive.

Unfortunately, the tendency towards bitchiness that runs in some people didn't get the memo that the world ended almost twenty two years ago.

You're not blind to the looks some of the people in town give you. The sly suggestion that putting you on kitchen duty was a terrible idea, surely you must be sneaking extra.

You know it's bullshit, know that the words are just hateful remarks from people who have never once lived in your skin - either through luck of genetics, or simply from being young enough to have been born into a world on the constant precipice of hunger.

Still. Sometimes the words sting. Remind you of middle school. Of self imposed small portions and your mother's worried expression as you refused cakes, refused sweet teas, refused anything bigger than a fist sized helping, until your aunt had pointed out all of the happy, beautiful women with your body type on the internet, on TV, in magazines and on Broadway.

It had been the start of a long journey of self acceptance, of riotous body positivity, of wearing t-shirts with slogans proclaiming fat positivity, of punching a boy who called you a slur in the balls and getting suspended for a week. That same aunt had taken you to see a musical while you were suspended, had bought you a journal to write in.

You like to think you're a strong person. You've lived through that, lived through the literal fucking apocalypse. But you're only human, and sometimes words sting.

Leave you standing in front of the full length mirror in your shared bedroom, poking and jiggling at yourself with a critical eye that you know is distinctly un-feminist, so unlike you.

Your gaze is critical as you inspect stretch marks. On a good day, those are your stripes. You make jokes about being a zebra whenever Joel touches them, never remotely critical himself.

Joel. He was... something else. He'd come into town with his adopted daughter, remained cold and closed off to almost everyone except her and his brother for months, until he'd seen you make Ellie laugh. Until he'd heard her ask you how to make cookies, heard you promise to show her.

Then he'd started, slowly, to come out of his shell. To spend more time with you. Brought you flowers. Now you lived together, with Ellie just down the hallway, because there was no way in hell a sixteen year old was going to live by herself, even in Jackson.

You're confident in yourself enough to know that you're well matched, but when you get like this? Sometimes it's easy to think differently. To worry that maybe he might prefer someone younger, with a more traditionally, socially accepted standard of beauty.

You're just getting lost in that spiral when Joel comes in from the shower, already dressed for the day in jeans, flannel shirt, and jacket over the top.

"What're you doing, darlin'? You'll catch a cold."

He snags a spare shirt from the edge of the bed, comes to wrap it around you. He's broad as hell, so you can wear his shirts without feeling self conscious. Not that you ever would, anyway, stealing his clothes is your favourite pastime.

"Honestly?" You've always prided yourself on being truthful with him. "I'm feeling kind of crappy."

You let him wrap the shirt around you, put your arms into the sleeves and exhale at the scent of him still lingering in the fabric.

"You think you're getting sick?" His hand moves to your forehead, and in spite of yourself, you smile.

"No, it's not that, it's just..." You sigh. "You don't mind how I look, right?"

Joel stares at you as if you've just spoken a foreign language, grown a second head, and told him you're giving up baking, all in one go.

"Of course I don't mind. What's that even s'posed to mean, do I mind?"

"Because I'm fat, Joel. Because there aren't exactly many women who look like me in town, and people talk, and -"

"Don't call yourself fat." Joel means well, and god he loves you, but he's still got that mindset that older people have where fat is a dirty word, even though you've explained the concept of reclaiming a slur to him.

"I mean. You can. But don't... say it to put yourself down."

The fact that he's listened to your rambles about body positivity makes you feel better.

"People still talk..."

"Fuck 'em. Let them talk. See if I give a shit." He says gruffly, wraps his arms around you then squeezes gently. "Don't care that there aren't many girls who look like you. Makes you special."

Another hug, before his hands rub over your stretch marks, over the softness of your tummy, of your thighs.

"You're perfect as you are. Absolutely perfect. I don't want you to change. I love how you're confident in yourself, and I wouldn't change a damn thing. Ellie needs that sort of role model."

You offer him a watery smile. How is it that someone so stoic can be so sweet when he wants to?

"C'mon. Push those bad thoughts away, lets get you dressed before you freeze. Didn't you promise Ellie a baking day?"

You smile again, lean in to kiss him lightly on the cheek before you glance once more at your reflection; the shadow of your earlier mood gone when you look at yourself, wrapped in Joel's arms, safe and loved and perfect, just as you are.

[sopebubbles]

Chapter twelve coming Thursday August 3rd, 6am CT/8pm kst

Chapter summary: yoongi takes you on a date

Warnings: slight angst (mostly talking about her past), mentions of past abuse, homelessness, fear of abandonment

Honestly yall its a lot of yoongi and oc being freakin soft 😩

Teaser below the cut

Once you got settled in the front seat, Yoongi cleared his throat before he started the engine. "This is for you," he said as he handed you a brand new Samsung phone.

"Oh, I–"

"Before you say you don't need it, just consider that it's for me. I want you to make sure that you have it with you and it's on all the time. I told you that it's important for me to know where you are, so I can keep you safe, so you need a phone. And don't worry, it's not like the newest model or anything. Besides, remember you're agreed to let me provide for you. So just accept it. It has all of the pack's numbers saved already, in case you ever need one of them, and they all have your number already. I'm your emergency contact," he rambled.

Instead of offering any protest you smiled softly and unbuckled your seat belt to lean over and kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you, alpha," you said before you leaned back into your spot. You may have wanted to refuse, but he was right, it was for him and not you, not really. If he needed you to carry this thing around in order to feel more secure, that shouldn't be hard for you.

You weren't prepared for more gifts when you got to the drive-in. When you found a spot to park, Yoongi told you to wait while he got out of the car and went to the trunk. You looked anxiously through the back window, but couldn't see anything that gave away what he was doing. Eventually he pushed a large gift bag and picnic basket through his open car door before he joined you again.

"What's all this?" You wondered, looking at the tissue paper sticking out of the huge bag at your eye level.

"Why don't you open it and see?" He teased.

You narrowed your eyes at him as you got up on your knees to be able to look over the bag, but your scrutiny only made him smile. Pulling out the paper piece by piece revealed two soft round pillows inside, one lavender and one orange.

"I figured you needed some pillows for your nest. I thought these could remind you of me and Jiminie."

Your cheeks and your eyes burned as you pulled out the two pillows, almost ball-like except for how plush they were. They squeezed nicely in your arms when you held them to your chest.

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Yoongi asked, beginning to feel nervous when you didn't say anything.

You buried your head in them to hide your wet eyes. "They're perfect." Your words were muffled, but they still warmed Yoongi's heart. When you collected yourself, you placed the pillows safely back in the bag and set it aside. "What's in the basket?"

"Oh, I asked Hobi to put together some snacks for us. But if there are any other treats you want, I'll go get something from the concession stand." Yoongi opened the top of the basket and you both reached for the box of raisinets at the same time. You whispered an apology while Yoongi plucked them out. He opened the box and handed it to you. "I'm going to go get some popcorn. Do you have a drink preference?"

You shook your head and he got out once again to go get more snacks. You shoved a few raisinets into your mouth and put the rest away. Then you pulled out the soft orange pillow from the gift bag at your feet and held it close again. You wondered if he'd already scented it, or if it was your imagination that applied the orange aroma.

The longer he was gone, your mind began to wander. It was hard not to think about all the first things you were experiencing lately. Your very first completely safe, self-made nest, your first drive-in movie, your first date. It had felt like you'd been living for years in the most raw way possible, but maybe all you'd done was survive, and only barely. These new things seemed so small and insignificant to you when they were only abstract ideas, things you would live without because you didn't need them to survive, but now they felt monumentally important as each one carved a memory in your heart. And each one was available to you only because of Yoongi.

[xxventiswindblumexx]

Sorry I've been a bit busy! But I did make this special story for my Smut Soulmate @hitomisuzuya 🥰

I'll be working on requests as soon as possible! Kinda short! 😭

⚠Warnings⚠:Yandere themes, possessive/obsessive behavior, electro play, choking, Dacryphilia.

You actually did it, you managed to escape the Balladeer, a feat none has every gotten but you. On the run now you hid in a small town outside of Inazuma. Your plan was to hide in the City of Freedom, it seemed like the best place to live, away from him. Unfortunately you were still being pursued by him, the very same man who kidnapped you. As if sensing where you were hiding he had already found out your exact location and would be upon you soon. He must have seen that you managed to escape his clutches because of it as well. You didn’t want to see how he punished those that aided you so easily, but for now it was the best option for you. The only way to survive this mess was to find shelter, find allies, and start making plans. You hoped they would help you get through this disaster.

It's been a week since your escape and all seems to be well so far, a small farm had let you stay with them, an older couple took care of it. In exchange of hiding you, you worked on the farm which wasn't too hard. However what seemed to bother you the most was your thoughts, he really had you manipulated, brainwashed into loving him for so long that even though you escaped you can't help but to miss him? It's conflicting everything, you yearned for his touch, his hold yet repulsed by it.

All this and more went through your head at night when you slept and when you got up in the morning. It's just so confusing and frustrating and you felt like crying. This situation isn't good or healthy, you're stressed beyond belief. You need to make it through this so you can move on, then hopefully things will finally clear out.

That morning was went you felt your heart stop, you where in the barn tending to the animals when you could hear his voice outside, he had found you and he was so close to his prize. Following the sound of Electro sparking and the couple screaming you quickly tried to make your way out the back only to run into a large Fatui Harbinger, Childe. He must've aided Scaramouche in finding you, looking down at you with a smirk he managed to grab you before you could scramble to your feet, crying and shouting as the Balladeer made his way to you. Slowly striding up as if this was a fun game for him.

"You had your fun, you tried but failed miserably, maybe next time try not to leave such a visable path in your wake" He hissed annoyed as he got closer, you close your eyes looking away as you felt him put something on your neck, peeking an eye open you see a collar on your neck with a chain lead to his hand.

"She looks quite cute with it, maybe you should've put it on her before this and she wouldn't have escaped" Childe said letting go now that you're in the collar. He only earned a scoff from the Balladeer "I didn't think I needed to, I thought she learned her place" His electric eyes glaring holes into your soul as you felt electro travel up the chain shocking you slightly "I'll be sure to not make that mistake again, let's go this place is filthy and disgusting" yanking on your chain as he walked, Childe travelling behind you to make sure you couldn't escape.

That night was brutal, chained to his bed in nothing but the cute collar you wore for him, just for him. Your body on display for the Balladeer, he took notice that most of the markings he placed on you had faded, maybe he waited too long to play your game, he needed to remind you who you belonged to. You were just another piece on his chessboard, a pawn used to get him what he wanted. But now, he was going to teach you lesson after lesson on how to obey, how to submit to him, how to please him.

His hands feeling your body sending electro through you, watching your body twitch pathetically under him. "You're such a disobedient whore, ill make sure you'll never think of leaving me again, you'll stay by my side until your mortal life runs out, you hear me!? " he shouted sending more electro into you causing a painful scream, warning signs chuckled from him. Your body decorated in these marvelous electro strikes, scaring into your skin, something that won't fade. He enjoyed it, he loved torturing you. The worst part is that you can feel the pleasure coming off of him as you whimpered in pain. A smile forming on his face once seeing your reaction "See what happens if you disobey?"

He continued his assault feeling his cock press against your entrance "I won't be preparing you, you'll just have to learn to take me as your master or accept the pain of punishment. " he laughed shoving himself into you, your back arching in pain and pleasure mixed. Your mind breaking under it all, his cock making a visable bump on your lower abdomen, his hand pressing on it smirking "I'll never get over how well your small supple body takes me so well, you'll never take anyone else like this so stop even trying to escape me, you're mine and mine alone" he hissed as his hips snap into yours harshly . His hand pressed onto your neck forcing you down "I know you're afraid of me but I'm here to save you."

As you felt more volts enter your system the Balladeer leaned in to kiss your lips harshly, claiming you as his own. "You'll soon recognize me as your god, submit to me while you still have a will Mortal! "

he ordered thrusting in deeply inside of you, causing more shocks as he began to pound inside of you "Don't forget you belong to me!"

He fucked you hard and fast and deep, your body convulsing with pleasure in each thrust, tears streaming down your face and gasps escaping from your mouth. He groans as he releases deep, his seed spilling into you, filling you up, you whimpering from the intense pleasure and he smiles "My good little slut" he praised thrusting his hips one final time before pulling out, wiping himself down and yourself soly so his bed doesn't get too ruined. Releasing you on your bonds only to keep his collar and chain tied to the bed post. "Stay here, try to escape again and next time I won't stop Childe from using more extreme measures in finding you" he hissed a warning before leaving the room.

[looselipssinkships-x]

fall out boy lyrics that make me think of the places i grew up

this town is wasted and alone -- death valley -- when i visit, if I'm lucky i get to drive around, and the nothingness is crushing. You go to school, you graduate, if you're upper or middle class you go to college, probably the local one an hour away. You have to drive an hour to get to the good grocery store, twenty minutes to the shitty one. You marry your high school sweetheart, or someone you met in college, you settle down and have kids. You have at least one family member who works for a company you're pretty sure is still just a factory, even though they have fancier names for it now. I look out the window of my parents' house and i can barely see the neighbors' house.

you were the last good thing about this part of town -- grand theft autumn/where is your boy -- i left my best friend in the city i moved from and god i miss her so fucking much. Every time i visit it's like we were never apart. Every time i leave we both wonder if we'd have made it had i not moved away.

i can't remember the good old days -- 27 -- your parents' house is supposed to feel like being a kid, running around carefree. I have not lived with my parents for eight years but every time i visit i wake up with that same chest crushing anxiety and it does not go away. Even when i get back out east it takes me days to feel like a person again.

every pane of glass that your pebbles tap/negates the pains I went through to avoid you/and every little pat on the shoulder for attention/fails to mention I still hate you -- chicago is so two years ago -- i did not visit for almost two years, and then only did so because my grandmother was dying. Had she not been, it would have likely been so much longer. I spent those two years hating that small town, because i thought if i hated it i wouldn't miss it, and it all hurt so much that it wasn't hard to try to hate it. (that didn't work, because even though it hurt, it was still home)

I know I should be home/all the colors of the street signs, they remind me of the/pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house -- chicago is so two years ago -- it's the little things that get me, the parts that weren't so bad, the parts that were even good, the parts that killed me to leave behind. The first dance class i took out east i sobbed the entire two mile walk home.

whoa, can't do it by myself -- reinventing the wheel to run myself over -- this one gets me because every time everything just feels like too much, it's amplified by the fact that i did this to myself, i chose to move away from everyone and everything i ever knew, and it's therefore my responsibility to indeed, do it by myself

we're the kids who feel like dead ends//and the poets are just kids who didn't make it -- i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song) -- literally all of my friends from home don't quite fit the midwestern mold, and we're all mentally ill creative types. We're in our mid twenties now and have felt like burn outs for years

I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light -- sophomore slump or comeback of the year -- the same best friend from earlier. I worry the small town is crushing her and she's so, so bright.

the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize two out of three ain't bad -- i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off (me & you) -- you make sacrifices to survive. Mental, emotional, physical, everyone's sacrificing something just to make it through.

it's all a game of this or that, now versus then/better off against worse for wear/and you're someone who knows someone who knows someone/I once knew, and I just want to be a part of this -- hum hallelujah -- the duality of living in such a small town where everyone knows everyone and still feeling like you have no place to belong

literally all of g.i.n.a.s.f.s. but especially: everybody wants to drive on through the night if it's a drive back home//things aren't the same anymore, some nights, they get so bad//i sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house//it's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you, I'm supposed to love you//I've already given up on myself twice third time is the charm//threw caution to the wind, but I've got a lousy arm -- ioh was my first fob cd, and i listened to it on repeat the summer i spent commuting from my parents house to the hospital in the city to camp until i finally got an apartment. This was also the year i spent coming out to myself, terrified of the future and expectations i knew I'd never meet. I was also in love with one of my best friends and god it hurts so much for your first love to feel so wrong

I will never end up like him/behind my back, I already am -- headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet -- when i first moved to the east coast i swore I'd assimilate and no one would know where i came from, but the second I'd open my mouth it would be "oh what part of the midwest are you from?" Over time I've learned to make peace with the parts of myself that are so unavoidably rural and midwestern, but there were parts i resented for a long time, because it felt like I'd never be free from where i grew up

I don't know where I'm going/but I don't think I'm coming home -- alone together -- i remember driving home from a college course i was taking my senior year of high school and just, dreaming of driving on, starting somewhere new

and in the end/i'll do it all again -- the kids aren't alright -- if things had been different, if i'd grown up differently, i wouldn't be who i am today. Also i almost got these lyrics tattooed on my thigh. Still might tbh

you were the sunshine of my lifetime/what would you trade the pain for?//and I just about snapped, don't look back//what would you trade the pain for? I'm not sure -- love from the other side -- leaving was, and is, so goddamn hard. Every time i visit my best friend, my grandparents, i have to remind myself why i left, and why i can't go back, and so much of that focuses on looking forward because if i look at the past too much i begin to romanticize the pain

scar crossed lovers, forever -- heaven, iowa -- i am so inexplicably, irreversibly bound to the people i grew up with like some sort of fucked up trauma bonding. Out here on the east coast, in the cities, it's just different. Even people who grew up east coast "rural," it's not the same. It's strong with friends from the city i moved from and even stronger with my friend who grew up in the same county.

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

reminding you once again that the Umbara Arc and the Zygerria Arc not only happened one after the other in the release order but also in the chronological order. so this is what happened to our favourite boy in blue during that time:

looses hundreds of men to a corrupt Jedi General

Friendly Fire

near execution of Jesse and Fives

needs to come to terms with the fact that he and his brothers have essentially no rights, not even enough to stand up to a traitor

realises he needs to figure out who he'd be outside of this war and once it's over

comes to the realisation that him and his brothers are essentially glorified slaves (in my headcanon at least)

and then

gets captured and briefly turned into an "actual" slave

gets to see the jarring similarities

watched his general rage at slavers for days on end while he and his brothers live under simar circumstances

our man went through a lot in a very short amount of time, huh?

and like dont get me wrong, I don't necessarily hate Anakin for this, we know he can be a little out of touch. but it's just the entire Republic, you know? Clones have no rights (that we know of), no pay (that we know of) and there was no plan for what would happen to them after the war (as seen in tbb s2). Presumibly Rex knows all this but hasn't really thought about the ramifications of all of that until the entire Umbara and Zygerria debacle.

But what's he gonna do about it? Just one clone, right? Not really meant to survive this war anyway, right?

but on the other hand I do believe that Rex truly loves being a soldier. And that he truly believes in what he fights for. Maybe not the politicians and maybe not all the legal matters, but Rex believes in defending those backwater planets, with the small families, where the parents work hard for their dinner everyday and the kids go to school and after dinner they go play out in the field in the evening sun. like I genuinely believe he fights for them. and that he loves fighting for them.

[hinderr]

i miss wren farvo btw do you have like . any lore about him before nature/nurture happened? like what was he like when he was a kid and where did he live and how was his relationship with samirah and who was his buire, etc etc i wanna know 👀

OLLYYYYYYY if there's anyone i can trust to be a wren farvo enjoyer ik it's you fr fr. funnily enough there actually used to be a wren-centric nurture chapter that like, explored exactly his lore lmao. the chapter involved themes I wasn't ready to write about however (like, I realised I wasn't the right person/didnt have enough experience with them) so I scrapped that chapter in the end. i can give you the lore aspects though! (cut off because, long as fuck)

(also this will make sense in the further context of the post, but I didn't feel comfortable putting these links under the readmore lmao)

palestine masterlist by palipunk

fundraiser for Yousef, a photojournalist in Gaza

esims!! they need those!! help them out

basically though the rundown was that; wren was adopted by his buir at a young age, after the Purge (young enough that he doesn't remember his previous life, not that he particularly cares to look). also, Wren doesn't remember this, but he was actually adopted first before Samirah (Samirah was older, and thus ended being the older sister anyway) (Samirah also doesn't bother reminding Wren about this, if only to avoid his gloating)

the two only had the one parent, the sole survivor of the Farvo clan after the Purge. It, obviously, left their parent in...a state. i never went around to properly naming their parent, since in the chapter Wren only ever called them 'Buir'. then again given the fact that they were living with a covert back then, the atriarch of clan Farvo probably didn't give their name out anyway.

oh yeah okay so; in the nature/nurture verse, after the Purge, Din's covert wasn't the only covert out there. survivors splintered off into many, many small coverts, most of them isolated from one another and thinking they were the only ones. at most, one covert would be aware of one other covert that survived (and usually, to the best of their ability, try to merge coverts to reassemble their numbers). each covert had a different approach to making through the galaxy, particularly Wren's covert not instilling the 'dont take your helmet off' rule

the themes that i mentioned the chapter having was basically; what it'd be like, growing up as a child of a dead people, and what it'd be like when your parent is a survivor of a genocide. how that'd affect them, and affect you and your family, and how hard it'd be to connect to a culture and a community that was ripped brutally out of your hands before you could even speak. wren farvo, essentially, grew up in a graveyard, with his parent haunted by the ghosts of a family he never got to meet, mourning for a home he never got to see. that Wren was essentially a genocide survivor himself, and how he'd struggle to come to terms with his identity as a Mandalorian when it seems the entire galaxy wants him dead

then I started writing the chapter, realised how similar it was to the very real Palestinian genocide going on right now, and proper realised the depth and weight and importance of how I was going to convey this story. i tried my best for a couple passages, but eventually though i realised that, as of now, it's better if I just...don't. not yet, at the very least. regrettably Im not the best person to write about this, i just don't know enough, and i wasn't going to take a bite out of something i couldn't chew so, whoops! into the deleted scenes doc they go. maybe one day I'll pick it up again

back to Wren Farvo lore however !! his parent passed in the way many mandalorians pass during those times, having caught off guard and alone by a group of one too many beskar-hungry thieves. it was a pretty dark and awful time for the Farvo clan, but they thankfully had the rest of the covert to keep them going. Samirah became matriarch of the Farvos, and Wren became the lighthearted grounding force that balanced out her seriousness. they kept each other in check, one from sinking into the burdens of responsibility and duty, and the other from a recklessness that would eventually kill him. when Samirah adopted Jeliaya, it only brought them closer together, jeliaya basically being a promise for the clan's continued existence

as this is all happening, wren's covert had managed to meet with Din's old covert (Din himself not being around, still searching for the kid). together, and with Bo-Katan's crew after a while, they banded and started searching for more survivors. the heads of the coverts (+ bo) eventually realised how easily dwarf planets flew under nearly every radar. then they found the dwarf planet where they settled and struck peace with the locals. for about a decade they settled in, digging tunnels of their own and carving out spaces for themselves in the planet itself. Wren stayed close with his sister and his niece the entire time, having no reason to be anywhere else

but being able to live on that dwarf planet, though - being able to walk out in the sun in relative peace definitely did wonders for everyone's mental health. for the first time they had a planet again, however small. Samirah's work thrived, especially when she started communicating with the local doctors. Jeliaya grew healthy and at peace, her safety mostly assured. Wren did...Wren things, helping out everywhere he could

a lot of that involved him being part of the force that stood against the Dark Troopers; Wren was one of the first few that devised defensive plans, figured out their weaknesses, convincing the Armourer(s) that beskar weapons were, against this enemy, quite necessary since it's one of the few materials that can tear through the Dark Trooper's armour (which is why she never made Din melt down his spear in this 'verse. that, and also I'm a beskar-spear enjoyer at heart). one such mission brought him and his sister to this Imperial fort, where they met Din for the first time!!

meeting Din, Wren's first immediate thought is 'woah, this guy's fucked' and after learning that he's still looking for the kid he lost about 7-8 years ago, came up with the nickname "Or'trikar". for the grief that he exuded like a physical aura, and for the tightness of Wren's own chest whenever he so much as looked at him. Wren and Din grew closer, mostly due to Wren being...Wren and generally clingy to the people he's trying to impress. it works on Din, who ended up viewing Wren as a younger brother

Din definitely wouldn't think so, but to the Farvos it's obvious that for that time, Din was practically one of them. An honourary Farvo, if nothing else. he was practically Jeliaya's second uncle, and he came around to the Farvo residence pretty often, thanks to Wren refusing to let the guy stew in his own room and his own or'trikar

about two years pass, and Wren and Din get paired together to find the source of all those Dark Troopers, and to scout out how to cut the production off at its root. they find the biggest, freshest clue they've had in all their years and Wren, antsy and excited, decided to go on a solo hunt to burn off steam instead of going home. Din pointed him in the direction of where he last left the Razor Crest, and Wren found it (neglected, dusty, but still usable; something something, nothing grand, just a means to an end) and used it to fly around for a bit

unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it) the tracker that Gideon put on that ship was still there, and still active. Wren ends up being captured and thrown into an Imperial prison, where he meets this strange kid through the vents who insists on calling himself Asset

and then the rest is history

[chey-rewrite]

The Story of the Person Who Taught Me I’m Still Worthy of Love — Even Though I’m Using Drugs

“It’s Avira. Don’t even worry, you can ask me as many times as you need to!”

She did a little half-smile with a twinkle in her eye that told me she was used to having to remind people of her name. It made sense, considering that she interacted with many people who engaged in chronic heavy drug use, suffered from mental illnesses, and had very high-stress day-to-day lives. When you’re living on the streets and are in a constant state of survival, it can be hard to remember someone’s name. Especially one so distinctive as Avira.

“Avira. Got it.” I nodded and shifted the contents of my reusable shopping bag so the handles weren’t digging into my shoulders as much.

I’d met Avira a few months earlier at a drop-in syringe exchange site; the San Francisco AIDS Foundation’s 6th Street location.

I’d gotten all the usual supplies I needed — needles, cookers, cotton swabs, alcohol pads, etc. One of their staff members had let me know that they had a few other services they offered; Narcan, pizza days and groups in their community room. I don’t remember what exactly I was signing up for, or if I was signing up for anything at all, but for one reason or another I was led to sit down and do some kind of intake process.

The person that greeted me was bright and bubbly, with shoulder-length blonde hair and a familiar twinge of sadness behind her bright blue eyes. “Hi! I’m Avira.”

She went down the clipboard asking me the usual about demographics. Gender, race, age.

Where are you living? Outside, around.

Okay, now I’m going to ask you some questions about drug use. In the last thirty days, have you used… Alcohol, weed, crack cocaine, heroin?

She went down the list.

…Methamphetamine? Yes.

She pumped her fist in and exclaimed “yes!” out of some kind of victory, which confused me. Usually when people are asking me all these questions they do anything but celebrate my drug use. “We’re in the club together.” She elaborated, and then moved on to the next question.

That was the first time I met her. I didn’t think a ton of it at the time, but I’ve since been able to recognize this interaction as one of the first seeds planted that assured me I’m not a bad person for doing drugs. That I don’t have to live in shame, that I am capable of being loved unconditionally and accepted just as I am — whether or not I’m on drugs.

The second time I met Avira is when I truly experienced what it’s like to receive the gift of radical acceptance as a person who uses drugs.

I was walking up Market past 6th Street, up the block from the 6th Street syringe exchange. I was carrying a couple of those Nylon reusable shopping bags that were full of the stolen goods I was marching up the street to sell. I hadn’t showered in a while and probably looked fairly rough, but I wasn’t dopesick at the time so I wasn’t terribly burdened by being stopped and greeted.

I had felt bad that she remembered my name so clearly and easily, yet I couldn’t remember hers. But she reminded me ever so kindly, and with all the reassurance in the world that it wasn’t a big deal that I forgot.

“Why don’t you come join me for a cup of coffee? It’s on me.” She smiled, and I agreed. I was unsure of why she was offering exactly — was there something on her agenda? — but something told me it was okay to allow myself to have some trust in this person.

We were already right outside Ritual coffee, so we went in and I opted for the cheapest, simplest thing on the menu — a small black coffee, no cream or sugar. At the time, I didn’t drink coffee much so I didn’t know many other orders anyways.

We sat down in the coffee shop’s chairs that faced outside through the big, glass-paned window wall. Sheepishly and prematurely I sipped my coffee, then did my best to hide the fact that I’d just burnt the shit out of my tongue.

The whole time we talked I waited with caution for her to pivot the conversation to how and why I should stop using drugs, get off the street, and get my life together. I was waiting for a lecture, a gentle yet ridiculously condescending piece of unsolicited advice, a nudge. I was so used to being shamed, shunned, and stigmatized for my drug use by everyone in my life that I truly believed I was a bad person, living a bad life, undeserving of a good life unless I stopped using. I didn’t think that it was possible for someone, especially someone who wasn’t actively using drugs the same way I was, to accept me as I was — drugs and all. I found that Avira didn’t have any agenda. She didn’t look down on me or act as if she knew something I didn’t. She asked me questions about myself; my daily life, background, hobbies, current favorite drugs to do and what kind of safe practices I used. She listened and laughed with me, told jokes and a few of her own stories. She told me explicitly that I wasn’t a bad person for using drugs, and she showed that so clearly with the love, care, and respect that she demonstrated in our interaction.

I felt something brand new open up in my mind after we parted ways. After all the losses of relationships I’d experienced in the recent years — this one, brief experience I had with Avira made me feel like all of that was okay because I’d learned I was capable of being accepted just as I was. Matted hair and all. Reusable shopping bags full of stolen Rogaine and Nexium and all. Picked skin and all. She listened to me like a counselor, laughed with me like a sister, loved and held me like a mom.

When I think about how new the concept harm reduction was to me at this time, I think of the people using drugs who are out there and haven’t had someone like Avira come into their lives. The people who still internalize the messages that the news outlets portray about people experiencing homelessness and using drugs. The people who still use IV opiates alone and in secret, in their room with the door locked. The people who have been kicked out of their family homes and disowned with an order to not come back until they’ve gotten their shit together. The people who’ve only ever been introduced to a 12-step, abstinence-based version of recovery and therefore deem any idea of recovery unattainable. The people that are on a steep spiral of shame downwards, one that will only progress as their basic human needs are continued to be denied.

Avira is the person I talk about when someone asks me why I want to work in harm reduction. Since being sober and learning about the basic principles of harm reduction, I’ve learned that that’s all Avira was doing. She was literally meeting me where I was at — and allowing me to stay there. It was absolutely ground-breaking for me at the time, but now I know that there are entire organizations, classes, specialties and careers based around exactly these principles and modes of recovery. I realized that that’s the person I want to be to others, in whatever capacity that may be. I want to be the person that helps someone else see that they’re worthy of love and acceptance — drug use and all.

[iamdrowninghelpme98]

Entry 14:

2024

~~~~~~~~~~

September

It’s been a couple of months since I left him again, but it’s harder than I thought it would be. I keep waiting for the whole “it gets easier with time” thing to kick in, but it hasn’t. I’ve only seen him once during that time- recently, when I had to go back to his home state for a previously scheduled doctors appointment. He invited me over for dinner, said I could take more of my clothes and other things if I came by. We’ve only really communicated through texts before that, just here and there. I know I shouldn’t be talking to him, and I definitely shouldn’t have seen him. But I felt like I could handle it.

When I arrived back in his home state, my mindset wasn’t great. The appointment that brought me back to him was because of him. A while back, he hit me so hard that my eardrum ruptured. At first, I was told it would heal on its own, but then, two weeks later, he did it again during another fight. Since then, I’ve never heard the same out of that ear. The muffled sounds, the ringing- it’s like a constant reminder of what happened, what he did. All because my male coworker gave me a ride home, my husband was too high to come get me, and I was too weak to attempt to walk. So now I can’t hear right. I couldn’t afford to get the procedure done back then, and I sure as hell can’t afford it now. But at least I had it looked at by a doctor when I got there. They told me I could get a low-duty hearing aid for cheap, but even that’s out of reach. I don’t even have a dollar to spare.

Money is so tight. I’m so fucking poor. Normally, I’d just go back to the strip club and do what I have to do. But I can’t now. It’s too dangerous for my sobriety. It’s too soon. Every day is still a battle to stay clean, and I’m not ready to be in that environment. The club is full of men, and other dancers, constantly putting drugs in my face. Even if I could be strong enough to resist, I can’t stomach the idea of working there sober. It’s depressing. The things I have to do there? I can’t survive doing them with a clear mind. I can’t. But I need money. I’m already not eating every day- what else can I cut out? I’m in over my head. And still, I can’t go back there, not yet. I don’t want to, I’m trying to hold out.

I don’t want to relapse again. I really really don’t want to relapse again. I’ve come so far. I’ve even thrown away my “emergency baggie.” That baggie had a gram of heroin and fent in it. I’d kept it hidden for weeks- just in case. But I flushed it two nights ago. That was the first time in a long time I felt proud of myself. A victory, even if it was a small, quiet one. No one was there to share that moment with me, but it meant everything. A few months ago, I would have done anything for that baggie. Those drugs were my life. But I’ve worked so fucking hard to make it this far. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to be a junkie. That life is hell. Absolute fucking hell.

At this point, I’ve made it past the physical withdrawals, and I never want to go through that again. I don’t think I’ve ever been sicker in my life. I honestly think I would have died if I hadn’t gotten help and gone to rehab. The vomiting, the shaking, the constant pain- I went through that for days. I was burning up and freezing at the same time. My head was pounding, and the withdrawal felt like it was ripping through my whole body. I couldn’t even sleep. I pulled out clumps of my own hair, screamed, cried. I couldn’t keep water down, couldn’t even take care of myself. So many times, I almost gave up.

On one of my worst days, this guy who had 100 days sober stopped by my room and said, “Give it 30 days. If you don’t like sobriety, you can trade for all your pain and misery back.”

Pain and misery. That was the life of a junkie. That was my life. Every day, waking up, wondering how I was going to get my next fix. The shaking, the full-body fucking shaking when I couldn’t get my hands on what I needed. And I needed that reminder, because it wasn’t any better back then.

I celebrated 60 days sober recently- 60 days without heroin or fent. I still can’t really believe it myself. It feels so good to say it, even if I’m just typing it out. Kind of a bummer, but no one came to my 60 day ceremony. I asked a few people, but no one showed up. I of course couldn’t tell anyone how much that hurt, but it did. They all had other things to do, that’s valid. But deep down, I fear they just don’t want to be part of this process, maybe because they think I’ll let them down again. I understand, but it still would’ve been nice not to be alone.

Everyone else at the ceremony had someone there. Family, friends. I was happy for them. Not all addicts get abandoned, I guess. It was heartwarming to see. I ended up Ubering to the ceremony myself. I wasn’t even going to go at first, but I’d worked so hard for those 60 days. I didn’t want to miss it. I didn’t want to let myself down. But of course, I couldn’t even afford the Uber ride back, so I walked for over an hour on an empty stomach, but it was so worth it.

It would be nice to have a sponsor. Someone who could have been there with me. Someone who would be proud of me. Maybe then I wouldn’t have felt so alone. But I don’t know who I would ask, that’s not exactly a position anyone is dying to fill.. and I don’t blame them.

Dinner with my husband was… okay. He brought takeout to his house, and I was so relieved to see a big meal. I hadn’t eaten in three days, but I couldn’t let him know that. So, I forced myself to eat slowly, trying to hide my enthusiasm. The whole time, I felt like a starving animal pretending to be civilized.

During dinner, he made me a proposal: come back home, stop divorce proceedings, and we start over. He said we could go to counseling together, but in exchange, I would have to give him my phone. For how long, he didn’t say, and I didn’t ask. He gave me a month to decide, but if I came crawling back after that, he said he wouldn’t go easy on me. He never does anyway.

I’m almost certain he stole my ID out of my purse that night. When I got to the airport, I couldn’t board my plane home. I had to scrape together what little non-existent money I had left for a bus ride. That’s just him- trying to control the situation, to keep me from leaving, I should have expected that.

And now I’m sitting here, wondering if I’m actually considering his proposal. I don’t know. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m too tired to fight anymore.

[deadxlv]

Far Away Soul, White Cold Star 💫

Chapter: 19 “Slinked within rugged flesh..torn to shreds- IM NOT DONE YET!!!”

Ground begins to rumble ever so much harder every passing second, the morning rays of purple, red, and blue skies blessing the room with graceful light. Bodies torn of war and weakness got the rest they deserved after so long, but as the day had just begun with the sunlight touching their face only the worst had begun to come. Crackling of leaves and groaning of hardwood frames made the ground tremble beneath them even more as they slept..bodies ignoring the signs of change it was coming with a forefront. From the deep stretches of the remaining forests just beneath them..a ear piercing scream would ring in their consciousness..somber eyes of white cold death would shoot open in fear of familiarity..screams so horrifying it made the trembling halt to a standstill as your soul reawakens to reality once more..

Not ENOUGH!!!

Head shakes in an endless tremor like your whole body is terrified of the insurmountable level of pain trying to tear you in half, scrunching up of your whole face as time past this reminded you of how powerless you were to the larger forces in this world. Clenching of your jaw so tightly some of your teeth chip as the force applied to your body is so strong your practically turned into atomized flesh- Now Fly Away Little Birdy and come back when Your Stronger!

Time Since Passed..

The rapture of the sky above you tearing your body asunder, black skies and peering eyes of death staring your very soul into its own image of creation. Unable to even react your body felt drained of all its strength until this very point where you had one final choice, Live or Die, but with everything cast down to your very own hubris you rip into the stars and call upon this final action.

All Father Poise me with the Strength to Survive

This will be in Kÿr Pov:

The Entities giant fist breaking through the final pieces of your defenses. Unaffected by your most strongest attack you stare on in horror as it instantly vanishes at speeds never before seen and peers it's image on top of you with no remorse. Stars aligning in the sky you quickly jerk your arms to your side and instantly make a several foot thick barrier of the strongest metals you can even imagine just in time. An explosion of air and fractured bone pierces the turbulent skies as your small body is flung off into the distance like a rag doll thrown from a apartment building to the streets below at breakneck speeds. Clenching your jaw so hard you just managed to blurt out a scream, "NnnAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!", tumbling across the skies with your right arm blown to bits and chunks of your ribs piercing your internal organs you are sent off. "Mo-th..DAMN IT!!!". How could I have been such an idiot I should've keep holding it back, hit it with something stronger? Or or or haha maybe have gotten the fuck out of there maybe?! That would've been a better idea r-

Kÿr's mangled body left a trail of blood as he flew through the air, Rajòz striking all around him as he flew over the sole remaining woods of this strange world, shockwaves from the original fight causing tremors all around the world until one final one shook the feline-like creature to his core. Looking back with one open eye he would stare out to the explosions ringing out, "F-fucK! Hijìn! No! DAMN IT!! DAMN YOU- YOU NEEDLESS WHORE!!!!", Kÿr managed to scream out as two giant thrusters formed on his back and blasted him back. He wanted to make it back before it was the undoubted end of his friend, his body ripping itself apart from the shift in force made him vomit blood all over himself as he boosted forwards, right arm flailing all about as he charged forward through the skies he began to yell in pain as he went faster and faster. One remaining eye open as he boosted forward made him spin in the air with no coordination, propulsion stuttering as his body grew weaker and weaker he used all his anger to try to make it back as fast as possible.

For such a frail and small body Kÿr was able to use it to its limits regardless if he was on deaths door, body may be shooting out so much blood, organs may be raptured, systems may be failing, but for any sake of it he wouldn't dare step down anymore..not after his first death..never again! Getting closer and closer to the original fight a strange trace of yellow light would glow over the dark clouds, turning his attention upwards he would stare out in confusion, "wh..gch..What the Fuck Is that?!", Kÿr questioned as he flew over the start of the wastelands. Out from the heavens with blazing horns and soulless killing the Entity ripped itself from the clouds above breaking the sky apart as it reentered the planets atmosphere, the sky caught ablaze as it came crashing down to the planet once again sending a world shattering punch right on the epicenter. Unable to react to such a blinding attack the shockwave erupted from the explosion made it all dark, small flimsy corpse now gone in the attack Kÿr was nowhere to be seen, only the sounds of tremors from the Entity pounding Hijìn into the ground was all that could be heard..

Disgust..filth..torn apart and asunder the world would gently shake beneath your broken body. In a miracle Kÿr was somehow alive but not alone. He was buried beneath the endless amounts of rubble thrown about from the Entities attack, it has been many days and somehow his drive to live keeps him from kicking heel into the afterlife. 'Nnn..N-never..Again!', is what rang in his mind as he slowly clenched his fist staring up into the darkness below all this rock and vegetation. Opening his mouth to scream nothing would come out, but as he did so his arm shot out from the trash and the whole forest floor on top of him exploded off his mangled body and thrown about into his surroundings. Kÿr's body slowly raised itself up from its tomb and as he looked all around his eyesight would begin to waver, blood loss so severe his own mind couldn't even process what to do any longer. Thrusting his left arm weakly to the side the remaining shards of his ability would summon out metallic pastes to cover his wounds, the burning of metal sealing his flesh made him writhe in pain, legs quaking from the shock coursing in his very brain. "Fu..fuh..fnnn..Fu..ck..", mutter to myself as I grab my side..d-Damn it why does it always have to Fuckin Hurt All the damn TIME!

This place is a desolate sack of shit and my sorry ass just had to be launched here, Hell I would've preferred that damn ice continent we saw up in space or even the ocean for all I care..least I wouldn't have to deal with psycho bitches every three miserable seconds. Speaking of Sacks of shit..where the hell am I..it smells rancid as fuck and..wait..this doesn't feel right. Kÿr jerked his head to the right nearly falling to his knees, a quiver from the darkness all around him came out to pierce his flesh, turning around he saw this and would try his best to climb up the small hole he dug himself into. Another dart, another, then another, they would all fly by him as he limped his way to the wall, his nails gripping into the soft dirt would near lose their grip as he ascended. Darts shooting into his clothes nearly stabbing his flesh made him panic, mind all over the place and body using all the adrenaline it had made him forget one important detail..I have a Tail? From beneath his sweater trying to block the main attack his tail would shoot out, the blade severely cracked from the impact would slice through the incoming projectiles so quick it made ringing sounds in his dark surroundings.

"Sh..Ughhh..Fuck..ME!!", Kÿr growled for himself as he thrusted with all his strength in his small feet up and over the ledge of the hole, dart stabbing into his right foot made him tumble when he hit the ground, "Agh! Crap I'm..Clipped!", he said out weakly as he hit the ground. Foot inflamed by the dart caused Kÿr to groan in pain, left hand ripping the dart out onto the ground by him only for his only remaining open eye not filled with blood to scan the area already knowing what's going on. "It's..those things..those parasites..why are there so many am..I..No- there would be no way..", quickly rolling on his side making a crunching sound as his broken bones cracked against his internal organs he would fall about for a while longer, Kÿr's metal implants barely holding him together as he fell face first on a stone ledge facing out into something greater. Breathing heavily the feline-like creature gripped the dirt on the ledge, he quivered in pain as he layed there not making a single sound, body twitching as hes too tired to get up he would pause. Mind slowing down..am I dying..? So soon..I thought I was..tchhh..No..I can't..I'm not even..at my true form yet..I- I'm not dying a second time! I'm not seeing that bitches face..Never Fate..Never Again..you can..suck my Dick!

Sounds of slithering of the parasites down the ledge towards him made him forcibly stand up using one hand only, stabbed leg grew numb from possibly a neural-toxin injected straight into his system. An explosion from the small ledge and Kÿr was tumbling down onto another small crevice on this canyon wall, punching the ground with his worn down claws he made himself stand once more to face a haunting reality..this really..is confirming my suspicions..this is what she's been hiding the whole time..she has to be here..there's no other chance she isn't..V you bitch. Looking down the canyon Kÿr would be a small spec of dust compared to something so truly massive, it was a bulbous strange plant matter ball taking up all the space, it's body writhed around as rippling pieces of it slid off its human skin like folds and into the earth beneath it, tears in its seems ejected small fleshy particles..are those..new parasites..is this the..Hydra?!

Kÿr took a step forward and by accident walked over a tentacle laying just beneath his feet almost as if placed there intentionally, from the center of the fleshy mass which was so large it covered the horizon in its size, it would break open letting large parts of itself unfold into the open air. Deep reeking stench of rotting corpses and death seeped from the unfolded being in front of him, it's flesh-like petals stretched out revealing a large hole in the center where the stench originated from, the gases so prominent it filled it with a odd green gas. Just barely over it in size Kÿr could just make out what it was, "It's..I-it's like a flesh flower..with a deep anus as a center..what the..fuck..your telling me this is where..", Kÿr could barely hold in another vomit of his own blood on the ground as the stench reached his nose. "Augh..this is where Hèr'La came from?! From this th-..", he was interrupted by more darts coming from the flesh of the parasites following him down, it was like they were leading him down to be consumed by this horrid mass of flesh and rotting corpses. Who could even make such a thing? how could such a thing even exist and no one else know about it?, Kÿr questioned as he just barely slid down the canyon side getting ever so nearer to the bulbous mass in front of him, the stench growing worse and worse as he grew nearer..except for the feeling of being watched growing worse and worse..

Tumbling as he fell on the ground Kÿr looked all about to try and see what he could do or even where to go. The Hydra would fully open up its flesh petals and begin screeching out to the sky almost as a threatened call, an intruder and sadly the poor Kÿr was in its home turf where none have ever crossed before. Kÿr on his last legs charged through any parasites he met on his way, tentacles strewn all over the place turned a used to be canyon into a cesspool of shit and dead bodies, the remains of dozens of creatures Kÿr has never seen before were all piled up here almost like a pod to store food for the main monster. "They ..really think I'll just turn Heel..and Die..Hehhh..well they're wrong..better yet I'd try my ass off to even Kill this thing with all I got..!", Kÿr proclaimed as he stood on the bodies of the dead around him and faced the giant wall of the Hydras body which reached so high it touched the clouds above. Thrusting his left arm out towards the Hydra, planting his feet on the dead beneath him, and forcing a smirk Kÿr slowly moved his arm back as he began to charge his energy, his remaining open eye would surge as it collected the final bits of Rajòz energy stored within his body and pulsed it straight into his arm. Parasites would begin to conjoin together forming fleshy masses of filth and dead bodies jerked all about as more parasites came from below after feeding on them ever so slowly, they came from all directions as fast as possible trying to stop this madman from dare attacking their spawn.

Rajòz energy surged within his arm infusing his next attack with said energy, jaw clenched he braced his stance, parasites lunging at him from all angles, Kÿr would smirk and turn his right palm into a small laser canon and proceed to shoot a full force blast of the energy so strong it made him go flying back from the blast. Him tumbling back made the laser slice all around at the Hydra's weak flesh causing it's disgusting acidic blood to pour everywhere and for all Parasites to scream out in pain, they writhed in pain as if they were the ones hit from the attack directly. Kÿr broke through the rugged walls of the canyon with such speed it made a deep hole of his entry, but before he could even retract his hand a near number of infinite spikes and darts stabbed into his flesh from outside, into his cheek, his chest, his legs, his face stabbing out of his eyes out so incredibly quick he couldn't even react. His extended hand twitched out from his nerves barely able to send pulses anywhere in his torn apart body, Kÿr layed there full of stab wounds and holes everywhere with a smile on his face, ever so last bits of his breath quietly stuttering their way out of his torn apart lungs..d-da...least..I..made..a..impact..friend..heh. His mind went silent..

Ripping from the depths of the horde of parasites that stabbed into Kÿr's body one of them would retract its tentacles to reveal a hand hidden amongst the fray, the hand was a soft light baby blue and it was the one that stabbed into the small feline-like creatures extended palm. Gently the hand would cusp Kÿr's and would pulse the downed feline with a soft green energy, the stab wounds slowly closing up and blood stains leaving from the felines clothes till it was completely clean. The parasites by it would screech out in discomfort from this unique energy as they all retracted and began to surround the revealed hand, energy pulsing faster and faster Kÿr's closed eyes would stammer for a second as some air would just barely make it into his lungs, but with muffled screaming from the horde a explosion of light would send the whole canyon on top of them. All was quiet and peaceful...until- warm loving arms embraced your small body, reeking smell filled the air, but the ever loving embrace of the world came back to you in this free state of pain. Just capable of making it out..you were being hugged, sounds of the Hydra screeching in pain as it tried to recover would emanate so harshly it sent continent wide tremors that thrashed the surrounding forest apart. Massive tentacles that stretched for hundreds upon thousands of miles ripped themselves from the ground all around you and swayed in multiple directions, "it's gonna be okay..focus your strength..think about the world you wanna make..loving and peaceful..where everyone can enjoy themselves and be fruitful regardless of their past..focus it Kÿr..and..let it all out..", a delicate voice said in your ears so familiar it made you reawaken in the reality strewn out in front of you.

One of the massive tentacles dozens of feet across would erupt from the earth beneath you and come crashing down to make you know your place, from the pits of your soul a flame erupted into a worldwide wildfire and as you let it out you finally plant your feet, grit your teeth, and fuck all who oppose you. Hand turning into a gigantic metal clawed gauntlet would thrust up and catch the tentacle before it even had the chance to crush you both, throwing it off to the side you make your hand back to normal and grab..

Propulsion fully charged in your systems your out of the canyon and back onto the main forest floor, the tentacles writhed around below as the Hydra tried its hardest to heal by consuming its young, but this wasn't even near enough to kill it and it was damned to try and get pay back. Turning around as you landed to head in forward you pause as you realize what you have just done..what just..saved me..who- From the faults in your mind out of nowhere your face is softly grabbed and yanked into a passionate Kiss, eyebrows shot upwards in shock as you look forward only to see no one but Hèr'La in front of your very eyes. As she pulled back she would smile looking down at you, "Wh Wh hHhhhh HÈR'LA?! Your alive?!", Kÿr sprang forward absolutely in shock and held her tightly lifting her in the air off her feet. She would giggle out in embarrassment but in glee as she hugged his head, she was slightly skinnier, skin slightly lost some color, and her hair was a faded pink like white color, but as you set her back down she was nearly falling onto the ground in weakness. You catch her and look up to her, "H-Hèr'La are you Okay?! Where? How? I thought you were dead?! We thought you were dead..", Kÿr exclaimed in worry as it didn't even process in his mind she had just Kissed him a moment prior, his gray furred face turning into a red explosion of embarrassment as he looked around completely flustered

Hèr'La would lean against a dead tree and take a deep breath, glancing all around almost as if she was watching out for something or even someone. Turning back down to Kÿr she would say, "I-..I've been there..for so long..I forgot who I was..V she..she left me with that monster after we argued..I-I..then those things kept attacking me..And one jumped on me..then it went dark..they turned me into a monster..I wasn't even myself as it took hold..till I saw You! And everything started making sense again..Kÿr what are you even doing here how did you even find this place", Hèr'La asked in concern as she tried to move to Kÿr but soon faltered having to lean onto another tree to stay upright, her body had been drained of so much energy she was near unable to even stand upright anymore. Kÿr held her side blowing the embarrassment out of the water as he tried to keep her upright, "I was..nearly killed by your sister..she ambushed us out of the blue and killed so many people- Hijìn went out of his way to fight her but when I got the chance to see her again she looked crazed out her mind..until..one of those things came out of her..those parasites...it had infected her and turned her into this giant monster thing that nearly blew me to bits..and I woke up here after it hit me away..", Kÿr said with a worried look on his face, "But forget about me I'm more worried about you- I couldn't stop thinking about what happened to you that day..I knew I should've done more..I should've been able to protect you from her". "Heh she is my sister you know..so that's kinda impossible", Hèr'La said weakly before Kÿr interjected again, "regardless she meant you harm and wasn't in the best intentions for you..I may be small and not the strongest person around but I'd lay down my life for those I love..a-and..your one of them Hèr'La, can never forget those talks we had back at the camp for those nights felt like an eternity..you've got no idea how much I've missed you", Kÿr said looking down in a bit of shame, Hèr'La looking down at him passed her hand softly down his head to his cheek, "I-I..missed you too Kÿr..everyday passed made me fear for the worst..I have no natural immunity and it's scary to think that someone such as my sister who does have it managed to get infected..this thing the Hydra..there has to be a way to kill it for good w-..". Hèr'La was interrupted by some strange laughter emanating from the woods around them.

From the darkness of the woods around them a cloaked figure would emerge, it's arms torn to pieces would reform into clawed hands with odd growths ripping from beneath their clothing. Kÿr burrowed his eyebrows as it approached, Hèr'La trying to move him behind her would prove fruitless as Kÿr walked ahead in objection to this stranger. Ripping words from its bony mouth the creature would speak, "KÿR..U..where your M-mAster..Hijinnn..?!", Kÿr scoffed and responded as he summoned many rifles to his side which hovered around him aiming themselves down at that being, "I ain't anyones pet nor anyones my Master..so fuck off you disease ridden fuck and go gargle on the balls of that Hydra..", Kÿr responded in a cocky attitude as the Stranger kept approaching. Hèr'La growing worried would grab on Kÿr's shirt and try to pull him back but again it was to no avail. The Stranger would ever so slowly pull back its hood from its head to reveal itself, "M-Ma'ire?!" Hèr'La questioned in a worrisome tone as she saw that beings face, "Y-yes..now come to me Hèr'LA!..let us populate the world with your endless power of life..and create a new age together!", the Stranger boasted out as the black and red serrated tentacles tore itself from Ma'ire's rotting corpse and into his eye sockets. "And do please tell..Hijinnnnn...mmmmhhehhhhmm..that the Chieftain is dealt with..", "What!?", Kÿr questioned in shock as he look horrified to it all as the Stranger vanished instantly and reappeared right by them before snatching Hèr'La on the spot.

Horrid scream rang through the woods as the sharp tentacle made hands stabbed at her flesh as it picked her up, her golden blood seeping onto the creatures flesh as Kÿr growled out in abject hatred and charged at them. The Creature swayed Hèr'La around as it strikes at Kÿr incredibly fast, blades clashing with claws as Kÿr counter attacked with a multitude of blade swings, dodging left right and up as it tried to slice him apart. Fully healed and jock full of energy Kÿr would try to shoot but just as he tried the creature would hold Hèr'La forward using her like a meat shield causing Kÿr to stagger and hold back fire just enough for the creature to near infinitely extend its arm pounding Kÿr through the tree line, "I didn't care for those people..those mute Mutts! All I cared about was monitoring you two till I had the chance to kill you, But Vìrkä got to you first and so now with the prime change to eliminate all in the way of Fate YOU ARE DEAD!!!", the creature said in glee before Hèr'La turned around in its claws grip and began stabbing at its face with a sharpened tree branch she managed to rip from being trashed around. Screaming out in pain it would jerk around trying to defend itself from the stabbings. Running on the extended arm of the stranger Kÿr came from the shadows not even with a scratch on his body as he came forth and rocket boosting his movements he kicked the creature square in the face sending them all tumbling.

Rolling further into the forest Kÿr would skid along the side of the creature and berate it with endless showers of hellfire, guns glowing red from how fast they were shooting the rounds Kÿr swerved under a counter attack from the creature only to jump on its face and punch it over and over and over and over again with large steel knuckles. "Let! My! Girl! Go! You! Piece! Of! SHIT!!!!", Kÿr screamed out as they fell off a small ledge and right into a small patch of woods, the creature healed its cracked skull face and smiled as it was futile, but before it could open its mouth to speak Hèr'La would full force kick it in the jaw while still in its grip. The creature staggered for but a moment before Kÿr came and kicked it in the face as well, the two would kick it back and forth each time pissing it off more and more till it slammed Hèr'La into the trees while still in its grasp and punched Kÿr away with its other arm. Tentacles seeped into Hèr'La's body taking hold of her power of growth and life making the creature grow larger and larger with each passing second till it was making the ground crumble beneath its very step, "BwaGhhahhaha! This is my proclamation I spoke of you Rodent! Seeing the truth Fate spoke to us gave us this power and with Hèr'La's power we shall rule this planet with rotten soul gripping tyranny!", it boasted out as the screams of Hèr'La rang off in the distance, the tentacles practically sucking her soul with each passing moment. Growing ever so larger the creature stood upright as its clothes blew off of it till it was a tentacle growth ridden hulking beast that stood over the trees, the Hydra roared off behind it as if it was preparing to attack as well. Kÿr erupting from the treeline would look around for his woman, "Hèr'La where are you!?", he yelled out pissed as hell as he sliced at all the red and black sharp tentacles coming at him from the ever so growing creature.

"KŸR'U?!"

Kÿr would turn around after hearing his name believing it to be Hèr'La only to see it was Hijìn. His face lit up a bit as he approached, Hijìn staring out at this thing with eyebrows burrowed would snarl knowing what this is..round two of this unbeatable parasite. Yet, as Kÿr approached from behind Hijìn came Vìrkä, her presence instantly making him pause and his whole demeanor changing, "Wh..h..I..g..that WHORE!!!", Kÿr screamed out towards Vìrkä who saw all of this then faced Kÿr with a confused look on her face. Hijìn noticed this and would try to reason with Kÿr trying to approach him, but he wouldn't be able to fast enough as through all the chaos Kÿr would arm a large rifle in his hands and aim it at Vìrkä, "You Meddling bitch! You nearly kill me! Made me believe my friend is dead! Kill my friends! Considered close enough to be family! Kill more! Made me think Hèr'La is dead! And is the reason why this is all happening! I HATE YOU!!!!! I WILL NEVER STOP HATING YOU- Y-YOU BITCH!!!". The tentacle of the creature slamming down in front of them as Kÿr yelled out in fury and shot endless rounds wanting revenge for all that has happened, luckily all the bullets hit the tentacle just in time, but with the resonating message Vìrkä stared back at the feline-like creature and ask.. "H-Hèr'La..is..alive...?".

A horrid reunion of many tides of people, seeping of souls from deep within, a grave struggle, and a never changing heart. You stand there with weapons drawn ready to kill those in your path, she struggles to ward it off and resist the absorption once again, creature bellows out in glee as it doesn't even see any of you as a threat any longer. For- fuck all that! I want her dead! She must Die! Fuck all of this fate crap that bitch must DIE! This is all her FAULT! She can never be forgiven..I HATE YOU I WILL NEVER STOP HATING YOU!!! DIE BITCH DIE I-I CANT ANY LONGER JUST DIE!!!

I..I..I'm sorry..

JUST FUCKING DIE YOU NEEDLESS FUCKING WHORE!!!!!!!

[the-firebird69]

We do commend our son for getting stuff done and he put his trash cans away which is nice and he opens up the mail and pulled the letter out with the card and these people got in a big fight for doing it he doesn't know if any drywall he needs fixed so we are watching him smile people know what it is and they're going to town on these guys any other messing with the phone of BG at fisherman's village and they reminded our son that people can't tell who you are if you put a coat on there and for crying out loud they admitted doing it a long time ago and they're going to pay for it.

Several other things are happening

-these guys are getting severely beaten the secondary empire which is what it really is is hammering them flat and they are squealing from it a little and realling. We need to get on with what's going on here it is a huge battle

-at the 17th ring there's a big fight and there's a lot of people involved they are having a lot of problems out at the 17th ring meeting the warlock are getting flattened and they don't seem to have a chance and next few rounds are going to get pushed back they don't have people ready and they're running low and they're trying to round them now and they can't eventually they'll probably be at the 21st ring again encapsulating in prison and they're going to try to in prison our son and our son says you will pay with your lives if you try that for real Stan ignored if you want you'll be dead. And they're kind of cringing a little but they don't know the math even though when they were messing with him tons of theirs died and they lost companies and they lost fortunes and they're stupid these people don't know the math at all and the empire is having them do it and they are crashing once the fleet goes up they will definitely see it right now they're arrogant but this will break them and now the basis of the clones are going to be destroyed tomorrow morning they'll be gone all of it they're going to be out of commission tonight probably around 1:00 a.m. and by that time there won't be anything left for the most part and the morlok too around the same time. They'll be left in the city areas fighting over the same area and all of them fight each other and they're disgusting pigs and useless. Come to find out the clones plan on attacking the secondary empire and they will attack those bases and take ships and they will depower the criminals trying to apprehend our son and it's a flood system and it's a waste of time you're hurting yourselves but we don't want to go through it your asses for what you say you're morons and we're going to kill you all of you involved and you'll have no chance for survival the clones are going to face you down and stick their face right in yours and flip you the bird right to your nose and all this other horse s*** you say you're going to do to our son because you're so pissed off you act like animals and you sound like them this kind of talk and posturing is with nothing to you and you're going to find out the hard way and probably 10 or 20 minutes

Thor Freya

Olympus

This sucks you guys blow we can't do this with small I haven't told you the whole time you want to put them in prison you f****** piece of s*** Mike to and the rest of you I can't believe how dumb you are it says usually someone saying this is a prison guy and it doesn't do anything I'll say this you put him in prison everybody beats us up faster we saw it at O'Connor you guys are f****** nutcase

Bob marsh

Why isn't an oblique angle if people go directly after you Mike too they're going to go after you before you put me in prison it's so heinous to them

Zues Hera

And we're using it too we don't really want them in prison it's a waste of time oh was it bad enough for you we went to his s*** except pissing them off and we're getting injured and stuff because you're doing things that are sacrilegious we are too but holy s*** yet you're running around blabbing s*** having people blab it you mess up the max you're messing up the idiots it says I'm trying to cause chaos and weak in the top and ride but s*** put them in prison it rides everybody I get sucked in there too you a******

Tommy f

We're going over some stuff about you idiots that your mouth goes and your brain doesn't. Now it's going to be the other way around no you said they're both going to go and it's true pleasantly surprised that's what Mike too was when he got the call that their basrs tearing everything out and it was about 20 minutes ago and you're a f**** and a loser for doing what you did and what you're doing Mike tew. Your brothers and sisters and some stupid s*** put them in prison mack Daddy can't stand you we can't either.

Thor Freya

We can't stand you we can't stand you we can't stand you so f****** dumb some things you can't do you idiot but look now the empire is after you and you're not ready you're going to open another front and another front and go down like the school kid that you are you have no right running all this stuff and when run they Rudy is chastising you in the movie something with wicked this Way comes you can hardly stay awake hes saying so much stuff

I mean it Daniel you're an idiot you and your dumb cop uniform bring it wherever you go we got a nap on your f****** ass you're so dumb this s*** has put them in the prison we'll get something what he's saying is if you try and do that he's going to do gross and disgusting things to you and it's coming up tonight

Mac Daddy

Favorite few other things to mention we're going to publish now this is important

Olympus

[xtinyslip]

"… eventually, yes. it took some trial and error but… they got there. he accepted me, he even went so far to accept you. i will have to tell you all about that experience some time." she chuckled slightly. there was a part of her that only wanted to remember that time but that was also a reminder of what they had lost. it was a catch twenty two. "you should know by now that kind of effect works both ways. hm?" meaning that he had a very similar effect on her. it wasn't as if she would be sat grovelling for anyone else. he was in her heart, he had her heart and once she'd given it to him. it was a done deal, she knew she wasn't getting it back. honestly, without him, she didn't want it back either. "it doesn't particularly do what we are to each other justice. does it?" she was well aware that they were currently talking about their old past, which seemed easier to do but the same still applied to her now. he had been her everything. the only real friend she'd allowed herself to have, and of course, as they were just saying ; friendship had blossomed into much more rather quickly. she loves you. it'd break her heart if you did. cecilia didn't know why it was so surprising to hear. after all, they had been the ones to bring gabi in out of the cold but parker had always been the favorite but he was better with them than she ever could be. "i promise, i have no intention of letting her down. i would just like her to know that i'm here for her, if she were to ever need anything." nodding her head, and strangely being sincere. "yes. more so now than ever before. i would experience it all again, just to have those moments with you if i could." and that was saying everything. she meant all of it, all the shit her father put her through, all the shit they had done ; she would relive it to experience those stolen moments again. "you're different to me." not meaning he was different but meaning that compared to everyone else, he'd always been different ; he'd always meant something more. "i would say special i would hate for that to go to your head…" a tease, smiling slightly down at their hands. "human?" because she had been cold and calculated before. how did one lead the scams they had without those traits? without being able to be withhold from any real emotion? they didn't. she'd become what she needed to, and she couldn't say she regretted it. at the time if the scams had failed and they'd had to report to that to her father, that would have been something they wouldn't have been able to survive to regret so no… she didn't regret it. she just knew that there was minor changes but also undeniable changes in how she was now. "yes, for real. it was really quite something too. of course, no one thought we could make it but we proved them wrong." not mentioning the bad, the pain ; he deserved to be spared from that if she could help it. laney, the nickname set her skin on edge but she tried to let it roll over her and act like she hadn't even heard him say it.

"honestly, i didn't. i didn't want one but… what can i say? one got to me when i wasn't feeling myself and the rest is history. i ended up with the lot of them." she did share a brief smile with him, considering she knew that out of everything that was probably the craziest of it all. cecilia graham ; a dog mom? it still sounded absolutely absurd. she waited for the elevator to go up, staring down at their hands. not necessarily registering that she was willingly putting herself into a small place. after that night, that was a big fucking no, no. her eyes still on their hands, focusing on the energy between them. could he feel it too? how electrifying that was? it was making her heart pound so hard against her chest.

it was only when they were inside the elevator and the doors closed that she was very quickly snapped back to where she actually was. this trauma wasn't going away but she needed to push through it, find a way to live without being that trembling mess but it was like she was right back there. it felt the same, the temperature, the smell, she could see his body there. her brain literally tricked her into thinking that she was in that room again, where she'd found him and will this time. any small space, ANY and she was right back there. when she managed to close her eyes to sleep, she was right back in that room. this was -- trauma but she didn't accept it.

moving to press the emergency stop button before the doors could open. not realising how tightly she'd been squeezing his hand. no, she dealt with this now. still holding his hand, she moved till her back was resting against the cold material of the side of the elevator. giving his hand several gentle tugs, attempting to pull him towards her. "i need to feel you." not looking anywhere other than him because she knew... she knew what else she'd see in that room and she didn't want it. she never wanted to see it again. what she wanted him to do was pin her against that elevator and kiss her till they both couldn't physically kiss anymore. however, she'd settle for him pinning her there and doing nothing else. she just wanted to feel his heart beating against her, she wanted to hear him breathing. she wanted to feel his breath on her and maybe, maybe in time, in a longer time than she could bare, she'd be able to replace the memory of what she saw that night with this one. with them both being alive. here, together. @fcdcdmcmories

"YOU'RE NOT WHO I REMEMBER. but.. in so many ways.. you still are. some things never change, i guess." making it clear that last part had been a compliment? it had been. "what? you mean to tell me that.. he loved someone? and that someone.. saw past all that, enough to love him back? that's.. well? that takes the cake for the strangest thing i've heard all day." it did. finn pederson was a monster. it was the only thing that he had always taken as certain - every single time that he saw him hurt her, every single time he found himself powerless to stop it - that resentment had only grown more and more. "goddamn it, you.. you know precisely the kind of effect you have on me," finding himself glancing at her lips for a second there. he wanted so many things he shouldn't want, because he had a girlfriend and this was his life now and he should be fighting for it and yet-- FUCK. what if what he wanted was her? back with him? to be back by her side again? clearing his throat. "you've been here not even for a whole hour and you're already making me question things i thought i was damn sure about. that's something." that no one else would have been able to do? yes. god, he had tried. to move on, to date other people, to get her out of his head and out of his heart, but.. it felt as if he was being pulled towards her - more and more. "no. we haven't. we sure as hell did try and liked to call ourselves that - friends - but.. it was.. only a label to hide the real truth. wasn't it? of what.. we really were to each other back then. i don't think that.. we could ever be just friends. do you?" the notion felt absurd and fucking impossible. right? how could he ever even try to be just her friend, when right now - even just holding her hand was making him question if he shouldn't just throw it all out the window? "no. i don't, but.." honesty only, right? "but.. i got a second chance, even after all the bad shit i did. pretty sure gabi wouldn't mind giving you one, too. YOU.. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU DESERVE IT. just.. please, don't let her down. she loves you. it'd break her heart if you did." don't let me down, was more what he was saying. why did it feel as if he was not just talking about the kid now? "even with the usually high price we had to pay to get those little.. happy moments together? even with.. how it ended? you'd still say that?" looking over at her in awe, because it wasn't what he had been expecting. she wasn't what he had been expecting and he didn't know what to do with it. how to feel. how could he? "you know, i.. i thought that it'd be easier. that when we saw each other again, it'd be easier for me to hate you and that.. i could just send you away and get back to my life and.. that'd be that. i guess i was just fooling myself, huh? i didn't expect you to be so--" her, but in a different way. a better way. a new way? "and now.. i have no clue what to do. and i know. laney and the girls and will.. they matter. they're my family. so we... we were here before? and we.. got back together? for real?" confused but also.. curious? perhaps he should be asking what had happened or trying to see if she was lying, but.. typical.

all that he could do was glance at their joined hands, as if he was trying to figure it all out. how, though? "i'm sorry.. what? ten dogs? i didn't think you wanted even one? how did that happen?" he worked with will during his spare time from the restaurant - but that - this.. was new. wasn't it? coming from her? it absolutely WAS. "then let's go? we will have more privacy upstairs. just gotta take the lift and we'll be right there and.. away from prying eyes? i don't know what's all this. people usually keep to themselves, but..." now, everyone seemed to be stealing glances their way and whispering and he could have sworn he saw one guy pointing his phone at them. what the fuck? for some reason, it just made him clutch her hand tighter, standing in front of her rather.. protectively. all on instinct? yes. not that he noticed it. "elevator's just over here. come on." / @xtinyslip

[babyboibucky]

The Match - Part 6

Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You deal with the aftermath of your decision.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: There’s a little bit of smut in here, not too filthy though I guess???

A/N: VOILA NO ANGST IN THIS CHAPTER, only tension teehee anyway I hope this doesn’t disappoint and I am looking forward to seeing everyone’s rage about this part lmfaoooo

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

The last time you lost sleep was back in your days at the university, when you were working on your thesis. And that was years ago so now that you were wide awake at two in the fucking morning, it was frustrating you.

What was even more frustrating was the fact that you were up because of a guy, and not just any guy— Bucky Barnes.

You didn't know whether you made the right decision of rejecting him like that, without even giving the relationship a damn chance. But you were right, weren't you? That making it official with courtship was going to make your corporate life a living hell.

Perhaps you were overthinking?

You groaned out loud and sat up on your bed, grabbing your phone from the night stand and opening up your messaging app.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean those things that I said.

Delete, delete, delete.

Can we talk again?

Delete, delete, delete.

I already miss you.

"Really, now?" you chuckled to yourself, albeit sarcastically.

When did you ever chase a guy? Never in you entire life did you put your walls down for a fucking guy. What would make Bucky an exception? Sure, he was rich as fuck and handsome as hell but those wouldn't give him an immunity from your pride.

Throwing your phone under your pillow, you decided to stand by your verdict about keeping things professional between you and Bucky.

-

The universe seemed to hate you because aside from losing sleep, you also forgot to set your alarms and now you were running late for the mancom meeting. You really had to confront Bucky like that a day before the meeting, huh?

By the time you reached the conference room, the meeting was already in progress. Heads turned to you upon your arrival, the entire room silent as you whispered your apologies. When you looked around, you realized that the only seat available was the one next to Bucky.

Great, just great!

You could feel his eyes on you as you carefully made your way towards him, mumbling another apology for your tardiness before sitting down. You knew how much Bucky hated it when people were late, whether for a meeting or for a rendezvous. The last time you were late, he denied you of your orgasm when he fingered you in his car.

Was he thinking of the same thing now? If not for last night's discussion, you would probably be bent down on his desk by lunch time. You cleared your throat and squeezed your legs uncomfortably, a gesture that Bucky noticed right off the bat.

You crossed your legs and focused your attention on the presentation until you noticed what Bucky was doing beside you. You tried to be discreet when you checked him out through your peripheral vision; he was leaning back against his seat with his legs wide apart. He seemed to be paying attention to the presentation but then he started stroking his chin in a certain way that made you remember all the times he did that whenever he had his eyes on you.

"Mister Barnes? What do you think about this suggestion?" the head of operations asked.

Bucky hummed lowly as he stroked his lower lip, nodding his head in approval before saying in a rough voice, "I like it."

"I like it."

"Like what?" you asked innocently, lifting a curious brow at Bucky when you entered his office one night in a tight fitting skirt with a slit that showed off the garter of your stockings.

You knew that it was going to drive Bucky insane if you walked around the office wearing something so teasing like that. To hell with the HR, you actually received a memo for wearing such at a workplace but whatever. The reward from Bucky would surely be more than enough to make this decision worth it.

"Playing coy now, are we?" Bucky asked, standing up from his seat and then walking over to you.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Bucky." you teased.

Bucky smirked and kept his eyes on you when he knelt down in front of you, his rough palms sliding against the skin of your thighs before tugging at the edge of your stockings.

"I'll show you what I'm talking about." he said before he bunched up your skirt, licking a stripe against your lace-clad pussy.

You exhaled heavily at the memory and shook your head. Fuck no, you weren't going to give in! You weren't even sure whether Bucky was intentionally teasing you. Nope, definitely not giving in so easily.

-

You survived the entire day, despite being on the receiving end of Bucky's subtle teasing. That motherfucker was testing you alright, you were damn sure of it. He really went to the pantry during lunch, when you were washing your mug at the sink. And he had the audacity to stand behind you, pretending to be reaching for something from the cupboards.

Janet the snitch was there too! Thank fuck she was preoccupied with her salad and didn't notice when Bucky pressed his crotch against your ass, his breath fanning against your neck when he whispered "Excuse me." in that delicious, rough voice of his.

Thinking that you were finally free to head home, you started gathering your things until you received an e-mail from none other than Bucky. It was a little past seven in the evening already and you've submitted all your reports earlier. What does he want now?

Come see me in my office. Now.

Regards, Bucky Barnes

A surge of electricity coursed through your veins, your entire body going cold and you weren't sure whether you should be nervous or excited. Or aroused, even. You weren't going to lie but you sort of hoped that his e-mail contained another dick pic again, something to let you know that everything was fine between the two of you.

Who were you kidding though, you were the one who asked for this set-up.

You adjusted your skirt and went straight to the elevator, counting the seconds until it reached Bucky's floor. Every step you took towards his office felt heavier and heavier as you neared his door. What does he want?! You couldn't think of anything that he needed to talk to you about.

"Shit. Okay, bitch you got this." you mumbled to yourself before knocking.

Bucky didn't even tell you to come in, he just opened the door and left it ajar as he went back to his seat behind his desk. He seemed agitated but god did he look good. You really needed to get a grip of yourself.

"You need anything, Mister Barnes?" it felt strange to address him like that.

He heaved out a sigh and shrugged, "I'm very disappointed in this report." he said, slamming the folder on top of his desk before looking up at you.

"I don't understand. I followed every instruction and even included charts to make it easier to understand." you explained, slightly offended that he was questioning your hard work.

You worked hard on that report, and he knew how much. Was he power tripping you now?

"That's the thing, you followed every instruction. Sometimes you have to make certain changes, that doesn't mean it's automatically wrong as long as the outcome is the same." Bucky explained.

You narrowed your eyes at him. He was insinuating something and you knew exactly what it was. You preferred not to focus on it and straightened up, trying to play it cool.

"I don't get it." you shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest.

Bucky heaved out sigh, "Come take a look. I'll show you where you went wrong." he said, raising his eyebrow at you, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip.

Oh no. Oh fucking no. He was giving you the look. You tried not to falter and maintained your professional behavior. Slowly, you walked around his desk until you stood beside him.

"See this part? Too detailed, I don't need to know about this. I just want to see the results." Bucky explained casually.

"Another thing is the graph you made. It's good, but again, too many details. You see this?" Bucky asked, glancing up at you.

You squinted your eyes, not wanting to stand too close to Bucky. Even from where you were, his perfume was invading your senses. It reminded you of all the times that scent was all that you could smell, especially whenever Bucky was on top of you, fucking your brains out. Or whenever he took you from behind, his face buried into your neck and—

"Are you listening?" Bucky asked.

You cleared your throat, "Yes." you immediately responded.

"Here, take a look at what I'm talking about." Bucky said, casually placing a hand on the small of your back as you bent down to look at your report closely.

It's as if everything happened so fast. You were trying to see what Bucky was talking about when you heard his chair screech against the floor, followed by his strong hands gripping your waist, pulling you down to sit on his lap.

You gasped out loud when you felt his hard cock against your ass. A slight whimper slipped past your lips when Bucky slightly moved, thrusting his hips upward while his hands on your waist kept you still.

"Bucky, fuck I..." you panted.

And then suddenly, the contact was gone and Bucky was pulling you away from him as he stood up. A shit-eating grin plastered on his face as he feigned innocence.

"I'm sorry, I totally forgot. We're supposed to be professional now. That's what you wanted, right?" he asked mockingly, shaking his head and then fixing his suit.

You stood there, gawking at him incredulously at the stunt that he just pulled on you. Did he really just...?

What the fuck?

"Anyway, I want the revised report by my table end of the day tomorrow." he said oh so casually, as if he didn't just pull you down to sit on his fucking lap while he had a damn erection.

He sat back down and continued with his shit as you stood there, disappointed (at yourself actually) and just feeling like a fucking fool.

"I can't believe you just did that." you softly said, turning around to leave.

"Just say you want me and this will all be over." Bucky said.

You looked back at him with a scowl and saw how smug he was staring at you. His lips curled up into a grin, eyes glinting with mischief. You wanted to kiss that fucking smirk off his face, maybe sit on it and ride it until he's out breath, until the skin on your inner thighs burned from how his scruff was scratching against it.

But again, you were too proud to do that.

"Thank you, Mister Barnes. I'll see you tomorrow."

-

What do you call it when a girl is left high and dry? Is there a female version for having blue balls? You needed to know because that was something you've been going through for two weeks now.

Two fucking weeks.

Since that night in Bucky's office, things have gotten worse for you. Bucky wanted you to give in first and damn, he was giving it his fucking all when it comes to making you cave. The man even texted you a shirtless photo of him at the gym. By accident, he said.

And here you thought that the both of you were going to be professional moving forward.

Bucky always teased you whenever he could, made sure that you'd be reminded of the times you spent together. Whether it was with how he spoke or looked at you, he was subtle but he went all out. One time during a meeting, Bucky started to play with his fucking mouse. His middle finger doing things to his scroll wheel, moving back and forth all the while he was staring at you with a sleazy grin.

As if you needed any more reminder how much his fingers felt so much better against your cunt as compared to your own.

-

Friday came quickly and you couldn't be more grateful for it. It had been very busy at the office and Bucky was edging you even without having the need to touch you. You needed a break from him, needed some time to yourself and rethink about the certain decisions you made.

You stood by the elevator, waiting for it to reach your floor when Mark approached you.

"Been a hectic week huh?" he asked, adjusting the strap of his laptop bag on his shoulder.

You sighed, "Very hectic, thank goodness the week is over." you said with a chuckle.

"Any plans for the night?" Mark asked, turning to you.

You shook your head, "Not really. You?"

Mark smiled widely at you, "No plans either. But I do remember you owe me a night at the bar." he reminded you.

You mentally facepalmed because fuck, you totally forgot about that. Mark wasn't so bad actually, he was kind and seemed like a lot of fun to hang out with. You just...you just weren't attractive to him.

Maybe you should give it a try? Just to keep your mind off of Bucky even for a while. That man was driving you insane, honestly.

"Of course, yeah. I remember." you said with an awkward laugh.

"Do you want to go tonight?" he asked at the same time the elevator doors opened.

Lo and behold, Bucky Barnes was inside as well. Fucking hell.

"Mister Barnes." Mark greeted him before gesturing for you to step inside first.

You saw the look that Bucky gave both you and Mark. Suddenly, hanging out with Mark didn't seem like a good idea anymore. You prayed that Mark wouldn't bring it up anymore, at least, while Bucky was inside the elevator.

It felt like you were being ushered into the pits of hell when you stepped inside. Even with Mark's presence, you felt nervous being around Bucky. God knows what this man could do when provoked.

"Anyway, how about tonight?" Mark repeated his question, much to your dismay.

Bucky was standing behind the both of you and yet you could feel his eyes digging holes against the back of your head. He was waiting for your response.

"Come on, you promised me a date." Mark just had to imply.

Bucky coughed and Mark turned to him all of a sudden, "You ever been to the bar down the block, Mister Barnes?" he asked.

"Yes." Bucky curtly responded.

"They serve the best drinks, right? So come on, let me take you there. You won't regret it. What do you think, Mister Barnes?"

Mister Barnes will fucking whoop your ass, Mark, you thought to yourself. You suddenly started sweating bullets, feeling your armpits dampen beneath your blouse because jesus christ, was this really happening? You just wanted for the ground to swallow you up. Should you pretend to faint instead? Just to get out of this awkward situation?

"Yeah, a promise is a promise. Why don't you let Mike take you out tonight?" Bucky said, stepping in between you and Mark.

Mark made a face, "It's actually Mark, Mister Barnes."

Bucky though, kept his attention on you. His expression unreadable but his jaw was tensed. You were so fucked. And not in a good way. He was trying so hard to stay calm but when you glanced down, his hands were balled into fists.

"What do you say to that date with Martin?" Bucky asked again.

Mark lifted a finger, "Mark." he chimed in again.

"Yeah, whatever Michael." Bucky waved him off with his hand before turning back to you. "So, what do you say?"

You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked past Bucky's shoulder to check on Mark, he didn't seem suspicious though. He looked hopeful, actually. But you pitied him because he just made it to Bucky's list of employees to keep an eye on. Aside from Janet, of course.

"I...um..." Fuck it.

"Yeah, okay. A date it is then." you awkwardly said, forcing out the driest laugh you ever produced in your entire life.

Mark excitedly pumped his fist in the air, "Great! Thank you, Mister Barnes. Guess she just needed a little push." he said.

Bucky feigned a smile and nodded, taking a step back from you. "A little push. Yeah, I guess so."

Finally, the elevators reached the ground floor and you were ready to sprint out of it when Bucky said his parting words.

"You enjoy your date with Marty now. Totally nothing unprofessional about dating a co-worker." Bucky told you and before the elevator doors closed, you saw the scowl that appeared on his face.

Shit.

"Mister Barnes is acting weird, don't you think?" Mark asked as the both of you walked out of the building.

You forced a smile and walked ahead of Mark, "Definitely not weird. You know what? I badly need a drink or two, an entire bottle of tequila maybe so let's just go now."

As if on cue, your phone buzzed and the message that showed up made you want to stop in the middle of the street, lay down on your back and await your demise.

You're playing a dangerous game. Well, two can play at that.

-

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