#like a good 80% of their problems would be way easier or completely gone

[7-wonders]

Okay I’m on episode 8 of the newest season of OBX and I have to wonder how different/how much easier things would have been for the Pogues if Rafe just…hadn’t dropped out of college back in S1

[mercurygray]

A Ghost! Joan AU, because @shoshiwrites started it.

He was only doing this as a favor.

Every time he said that, people laughed - that’s a pretty big favor, renovating a whole house, but none of them understood what Lew had done for him, really done for him, since he’d gotten home, and if fixing up the ancestral mansion so that Lew could sell it was the way he could pay it all back, then that was just what he was going to do.

It was a beautiful house, with turn of the century wood paneling and built-ins for days, but Lew’s mother had made some renovations in the 80s that hadn’t aged well, and after no one had lived in the house for the last fifteen years there were problems that needed to be solved before it went on the market again, desirable features to be added back in so the real estate listing would sound good - new furnace, new roof, granite countertops, refinished hardwood floors.

“And the ghost, of course.”

Yes - the ghost. Dick had actually laughed when Lew had brought it up the first time, like this was actually a feature people would be interested in, but his friend was adamant. “She’s pretty benign, as far as spirits go -  Story goes that they were having a party celebrating the war being over and then she got the telegram that her fiance was dead. She was so overcome she wandered outside into traffic - got hit by a car. My sister claimed she could see her, sometimes, when my parents had people over, but I never did." Lew grinned. "Makes for a great story, though, doesn't it? It'll be a nice story for the buyers - people love that kind of stuff."

‘People’ might, but the idea held little appeal to Dick. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in ghosts - he was just as prepared as the next guy to admit there were some things that he simply couldn’t understand. But an actual ghost, haunting this house? Just a story, as far as he was concerned - and after three weeks of living here, he had no evidence of any spirit, benign or no. Drapes stayed unruffled, paint remained in its cans, no doors closed of their own accord. It was an old house, like any old house, filled with the remnants of several lives - loads of furniture to be junked or salvaged, old photo albums to be hauled out of corners, closets of clothes that needed to be consigned to the junk bin - or the local charity shop. 

It was the first time in a while that he’d had a place to think of as his own, and he was finding he quite enjoyed it - he was living out of what had once been the drawing room, on the first floor, pocket doors open to the sitting room beyond. These spaces had needed the least work, so it was the easiest to set up his bed here. It was a room in transition - a little of everything. He’d moved in a kitchen table to use as a desk, sheets still over some of the room’s armchairs. The truly ancient couches had gone to the curb, but he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of the record player, a huge sideboard thing in dark mahogany that somehow matched the paneling, if not the feel of the rest of the house. The records, too, had stayed - a time capsule of a different era, mostly light listening from the 40s and 50s. Not a bad way to spend an evening.

Dick flipped idly through the records in the cabinet and selected one at random - some big band conductor. The machine turned on straightaway when he moved the arm, carefully settling it along the record's edge so that the vinyl could crackle and pop for a moment before starting up.

He fiddled with the volume knob for a moment and sat back down with his coca cola and the parts catalog for the kitchen cabinets, legal pad and pencil at the ready. He already had the measurements and if he made the list, it would be easier to go shopping tomorrow with a complete picture in mind.

"You have good taste."

Dick didn't scare easily, but he nearly jumped out of his chair, eternally glad he didn't spill his soda pop in the process.

There was a woman on the other side of the room - vaguely misty, like he needed to clean his glasses to see her better. Her short, dark hair was elegantly arranged, and she was wearing pearls and a party dress - or what looked like a party dress, anyway. 

"Did I...leave the door open?"

She shook her head, still smiling a little. "I heard the music and thought I'd...make an appearance. Tuxedo Junction," she offered. "By Glenn Miller. Our favorite."

Dick realized what she was saying, really saying, and tried to get his galloping heart under control. "You're the ghost."

"My mother taught me it was impolite to address people when you don't know their names," she said, just a little pointedly, and he felt himself blush.

"Dick Winters," he said, hurriedly, though he wasn't sure why, holding out his hand and then realizing, belatedly, that she wasn't going to be able to take it. "I'm sorry, Lew never said -"

"Joan Warren," she said, smiling at the brief comedy of him offering his hand, looking down at it, and then shoving it into his pocket. (She had a nice smile. Could he say that?) "It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Winters. And I'm sure Lewis has forgotten my name - if he ever knew it at all." 

Lewis - like he was a younger brother or a cousin she had to put up with occasionally. Well, he'd grown up in this house, hadn't he? If she'd been here that long, maybe he was still a child to her. The prospect of being forgotten didn't seem to make her very happy, and Dick decided to change the subject. "So have you...been here long?" God, Dick, what kind of question is that?

Another enignmatic, patient smile. "Since the night I left. Isn't there always something about unfinished business? I think you know what mine was."

"I'm sorry," Dick offered, not knowing what else there was to say. The record had moved on to the next song, and he was forming an image in his mind of what this room must have looked like, the night of that party - men in tuxedos and women in party dresses, everyone drinking champagne and high on life.  Lew's...grandfather, probably, or his great-grandfather, presiding over the whole thing. The war was over, and soon everyone would be coming home. Everyone except her fellow, I guess.  "That must have been...indescribable."

"Truth be told, I don't remember much of it," she admitted. "Mrs. Nixon was wearing gardenias, and there was too much rum in the punch. Then I remember - the buttons on the Western Union man's jacket. After that..." she gave a slight shrug. "I was gone, and then I...came back."

"Do you...make appearances very often?"

She shook her head. "No, not often. But when emotions are high - a party, or a fight." A brief, dry chuckle. "I think you know this house has seen a lot of fights." God, did he ever. "Blanche and I had an understanding. I'd sit by her bed and sing to her." A thought occurred. “Is she doing all right? Blanche? I haven’t seen her in the longest time.”

Dick thought about Lew’s younger sister, last seen on Instagram in Bali on a yoga retreat for the rich and famous after having dumped yet another deadbeat boyfriend. Still trying to find herself - that was what he always thought of when Lew’s sister came to mind. Both of the Nixons were trying to find themselves - Lew at the bottom of a bottle for a while, and Blanche by - wandering. “She’s doing okay,” he said.

“I suppose I should let you go. You were - in the middle of things.”

He shrugged. As hauntings went, this one had been pretty pleasant - and if he was being really honest, he was glad for the company. "It was very nice to meet you, Miss Warren. I know you're around, but you're welcome...any time.”

She smiled at that, turning around and walking out of the room, slowly fading out as she went. Dick stared at the empty space near the doors into the hall, and suddenly realized something. If there wasn’t a fight or a party - why did she come? He looked at the record player, circling now in silence, and rose from his chair to turn it off, reading off the eventual real estate listing in his head. 

Recently refinished hardwood floors and exterior landscaping. Also comes with well-behaved ghost who enjoys Glenn Miller.

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?

[nintendylan64]

My problems with FNAF Lore

Hey guys. I felt like I wanted to explain my problems with the FNAF lore, and how the lore was ruined for me years ago.

My history with the franchise and the lore Now, I discovered the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise back in 2014 through DanTDM's Let's Play of Five Nights at Freddy's 2. It was the first time I had ever been introduced to the jumpscares and characters in-game. But I actually discovered the first game through a YTP someone made of it. With how little I knew from discovering that YTP, I assumed that Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy were anthropomorphic animals that ran the place, and that Freddy just liked to leave scary stuff in his office because he was a horror guy. That assumption was way off and DanTDM's Let's Play let me discover that the antagonists weren't anthropomorphic animals. I then discovered Markiplier's videos on the games in 2014, and fan-animations of the games like SMG4's Freddy's Spaghettiria series, and Piemations' 5 AM at Freddy's series. Besides the surprising jumpscares, what really got me hooked on the FNAF series was the 80s-90s aesthetics, and the lore behind it all. Around late 2014 and early 2015, I had discovered the hidden lore series by MrCreepyPasta, which was what got me interested in exploring the lore. I loved the FNAF lore when it was just, "Man kills 5 kids in pizzeria joint and the animatronics become haunted by the spirits of the kids". This made it feel much more realistic, as murder of kids in a place like this can happen in real life. The fact that the staff weren't behind any of it, and that the guards were originally just some average joes who got hired for a night guard position without knowing the dangers of it was also very realistic too. And the inclusion of another tragic event known as the "Bite of '87" was also interesting. But the biggest thing that made the lore have a charm to it, was how there was an implied history of Fazbear Entertainment, and FNAF 2 showed us the history of the place before the tragedies happened, as well as implying that the negative impression was stuck before the murders was also interesting. The lore was interesting back then because of how realistic and mysterious it was. And when the third game came out, it was a great conclusion to the franchise, in which the killer got his comeuppance, leaving the kid's souls to rest in peace. And the killer haunting the suit he died in as an attempt to escape his torment of being trapped in a suit, eventually leaving him to be burned alive in the location he was at was a very nice way to end things. But the way it had expanded on the story by taking place thirty years after the events of the first game, with the unsolved mysteries of Fazbear Entertainment trying to be recreated by people was a good way to expand upon the story. So basically, I prefer the FNAF lore when it was the story of how kids were murdered in a pizzeria joint, and how they eventually got revenge on their killer, while room was made to show us how the pizzeria joint handled this, and how the alleged hauntings were shown through the animatronics being possessed. Because of the lore being so interesting, I tried making up my own timelines to tie the story of the first three games together. And seeing as how the lore was concluded, it should've just ended there, right? Well... it didn't.

Where the problems crept in I think that the problems with the lore crept in with the fourth game. Now, this game could've had potential, as it could've taken place in the location where the withered animatronics were used in before FNAF 2, but it didn't do that. We got instead a child suffering through nightmares, with animatronics that have particularly stupid designs. Plus, what made it worse was that the Bite of 83 was introduced, making the topic of the Bite of'87 confusing since it was implied it happened in the second game, but now it was happening in the fourth game? But then it was revealed to be a separate event, why two separate events of the same thing? What constitutes the idea of establishing a similar event to the Bite of '87? It had nothing to impact the games itself at all. The bigger thing that was confusing is this, Fredbear's Family Diner was implied to have been closed for longer than 1983-1987, and the fact that you see the unwithered versions of the withered animatronics in Fredbear's makes it all the more confusing, since Fredbear's was established as a separate, and early location before it was later re-enfranchised as Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. So why retcon what was established in the previous games? Why not just show us in the fourth game what happened with the withered animatronics before they became withered, and then make a fifth game that took place in Fredbear's Family Diner? I don't know why Scott felt the need to retcon things, especially since most people thought that the franchise had already ended with the third game. Later on down the line, Sister Location came out in 2016. And I honestly hate Sister Location, lore-wise that is. The reason I say this is because Sister Location fucked up everything more than the 4th game. This time, there was more retconning, the horror tone and 80s-90s aesthetic was gone, the game felt like Sci-fi and less like the older games. Worse, Purple Guy was given an actual name, and turned from a cold-blooded killer that killed kids because of being a psychopath, into a mad scientist obsessed with placing souls into animatronics using soul juice in an attempt to create murderous animatronics, and he killed kids to do this, but most of them were his own or his friend's kids, Fazbear Entertainment was actually started by this maniac, and Mike Schmidt from FNAF 1 was no longer an average joe working a night shift job, but instead the son of the killer and later became an unrealistic purple zombie that somehow got hired for night shift positions. Jeremy and Fritz were no longer average joes either, and were now aliases for the purple zombie who's actual name was Michael Afton, making Mike Schmidt another alias for this zombie. And now, this was more about a family that was insane to begin with trying to put their own personal demons to rest, rather than the story of the murder of 5 children in a pizzeria joint, and the killer gets his comeuppance while the faceless pizzeria chain tried keep its reputation afloat, eventually failing which lead to the closure of it. All of this shattered how I interpreted the lore. The biggest things that Sister Location fucked up were the following. 1. Taking away the 80s/90s aesthetic. In the first and second game, the game has an 80s and 90s aesthetic with the looks of the locations and decor, as well as the camera sounds sounding like cassette tapes, and the first took place in the early 90s, while the second took place in the late 80s. FNAF 3 kept the 80s/90s aesthetic, and I'd argue FNAF 4 kept the old aesthetic too, such as how old everything looked in FNAF 3, and how the house looks particularly old in FNAF 4. FNAF SL's aesthetics look way too futuristic for a FNAF game, especially since it's said to take place before the first 4 games. 2. Making it more sci-fi. The original FNAF games, and the fourth one were meant to be horror games, and they established this greatly with audio and visual cues, as well as the storyline having a horror-esque feel to it during the first 3 games, and even the 4th game kept. The focus on sci-fi traits or elements in SL kind of kills the horror-esque feel that FNAF originally gave off, especially the whole soul juice and mad scientist part. 3. Making Fazbear Entertainment have an owner. Fazbear Entertainment should've just been left as a faceless corporation that had nothing to do with the murders, the type of company to try and cover up the damage done to their reputation by cutting costs or not batting an eye when a man kills children in their restaurant. 4. Making Mike, Jeremy, and Fritz into aliases. It doesn't make any sense as to why a company would hire a foul smelling zombie who kept changing his name. I think that Mike, Jeremy, and Fritz should've just been average joes that got night guard positions not knowing that their jobs were dangerous and not knowing the hauntings of the pizzeria they applied to work for. And 5. The Afton Family. The Afton Family completely ruined the idea of the children being killed at Freddy's by an unknown man, since now it's just about a family killing his own for a dumb mad science experiment and the son is trying to stop his own father, making it so you no longer play as an average joe that discovers the dark secrets and hauntings of a pizzeria joint, but instead you're just playing as a zombie that needs to kill his own father in order to stop his father from killing anyone else. Seriously, it feels less like a horror game, and now feels more like a badly written self-insert sci-fi story with some bit of horror mixed in. The FNAF series is way too complicated to figure out now due to loads of retconning and unnecessary changes made to the story. Worse, the Nightmare, Funtime, and other animatronics that have been added to the franchise just seems like an excuse for Scott to just add new characters simply to keep the franchise going. Now, let's look at a FNAF fan-game series with a better written story.

Five Nights at Candy's Five Nights at Candy's has a much easier to understand story than FNAF. In the first game, you play as a female night guard at a burger joint where an unfortunate incident occurred between an animatronic and a customer, and an incident involving two kids at the factory where the animatronics were made. The backstory of everything, such as the original location and the burger joint's opening are explained in FNAC 3, showing how two unfortunate incidents at the puppet/animatronic theatre led to the closure of the place. We also learn more about the main character from the first game, and the one who caused the murders as well as the victims. In the second game, everything is concluded with the daughter of the guard solving the mysteries of the old factory. The reason is because Emil Macko managed to actually tell the story in an effective way, without retconning anything and without relying entirely on twists and misdirection.

Conclusion So yeah, I can't stand FNAF lore post-FNAF 4, because of how it became way too confusing to understand, and with how the series started retconning tons of things and making unnecessary changes. And it's amazing how a FNAF fan-game was able to tell its story better than the actual FNAF fan-games. So for me, I'm sticking with the FNAF 1-3 lore, which is my interpretation of it. Before I end this blog though, what's annoying is that no matter if you mention the FNAF 1-3 lore on YouTube, people will instantly start bringing in the modern FNAF lore and correct you, even if you're following you're headcanon.

[thewritingof-therose]

Hi! Last week, with the publishing of the 20th chapter of Hasard, I reached the 100 kudos on the fic, so to celebrate it, here’s some kind of bonus chapter where I talk a little about the conception of the story, along with comments about each chapters. 

Enjoy!

----

So… 20 chapters and 100 kudos already. To be honest, by the time I started imagining this story, I wasn’t really expecting to be able to celebrate that milestone of kudo on a single fic and even if I already celebrated the 2000 kudos in general this year, if we make a quick calcul based on the numbers of kudos and all the fics I’ve published, at the time I’m writing those words, it’s the same that if each one of my fic had only 20 kudos… So yeah, finally reaching the hundred on a single one makes me so happy \o/

Anyway, here’s some trivia and fun facts about Hasard and the first twenty chapters of the story.

First of all, some history:

I had the idea for Hasard in May 2018 as I was watching the tv show Lucifer (I am not up to date with it, please don’t try to spoil me this show ^^’) and I imagined one scene that just… shaped the entire story and it took me less than a few hours to know that I would write it. Even if I wasn’t sure how long it would be and that there had been some changes. And no, I won’t tell what scene kickstarted it all because she still has to come and it could be quite a huge spoiler. 

Following it, my brain quickly went into developing the full story and a few things changed. On the top of my head, I can say that Maiev was meant to be more on her own, almost a complete independent Hunter that would have also been resented by the other Hunters, along with a way more black and white view of the demons. She was meant to be more aggressive against all demons and really thinking that they all deserved to die, but I softened that side of her as I shifted the world building with the presence of hybrids. 

At first, the hybrids were meant to be a really rare kind and I wanted to keep that status for a few select characters because it could have brought some really good story for them. Then, as I kept working on the worldbuilding, I came to the idea that actually, hybrids were extremely common, but at the same time, the demon’s presence was still a secret from most of the world because most hybrids started centuries ago and their blood and physical attributions were weakening the more they were reproducing. So, about 80% of the world is made of hybrids of all kinds of generation (who is my way of scaling the demonic influence on their life) and the 20% left is shared with the full demons and full humans. 

Full demons are simply people who don't have a single drop of human blood in them. Usually, they are born from two other full demon parents or they just appeared like that (that’s the mytho). They are extremely powerful and good magic users, but now, they are rare. It was easier to be a full demon millenia ago when they ruled over the world and the few that are left in the current world of Hasard, survived either by hiding really well, manipulating their way to stay alive, or simply because they accepted to work with the humans and they went on. 

My best example of a full demon is Velen. 

The full humans, are the humans who either had never gotten a single drop of demon’s blood in their bloodlines, either they purged the bloodline after making sure that there had been at least 10 generations since the last time a hybrid was born (technically, every child following it would be considered as an hybrid, but the other parent would be a full human to weaken the demon’s blood which each new generation). Full humans are rarer than full demons and they tend to be bad news as almost all of them are associated with the Priesthood (who’ll get some more explanation later.)

I haven’t presented yet one of them to give an example, but one is ready to show up in the Second arc of the story. Won’t say who to not spoil the surprise x)

As for hybrids, there are two kinds. The one born from a demon and a human, and or hybrids (two hybrids will keep creating hybrids and technically, as long as one of the parents has human blood, the bloodline will stay a hybrid one). And the second one hadn’t been introduced yet. We have characters that are that kind, but it’s some worldbuilding elements that will show up later and so, I'll keep it to myself for now. Feel free to theorize though! And usually, most hybrids will simply call themselves demons instead of showing signs of weaknesses by not being a full one.

For the title of the story, it had been extremely hard for me to find one. Ever since I started preparing everything, it had a codename and it was “Modern AU” and it stayed like that until the very minute of the publishing of the first chapter. I was already going towards “Le Hasard Fait Bien Les Choses” but I was bothered because it was French, and no matter what, I couldn’t find a good English idiom that would have all the nuances of the French one. The only thing that comes close to it would be “Fate is a funny thing” and yet, I’m not entirely satisfied with it. So, after a long debate with myself and help from other people, I came to the conclusion that I had to keep the French title if I wanted to be happy with it. 

It might not help much to get people interested, and I’m considering adding “Fate is a Funny Thing” after it but I’m debating it.

I think that's already a lot, so let's move to the trivia per chapters:

A Muffled Shout In The Night

Oh boy, first chapter! I was so excited to finally start the story but I was also really stressed. I tried to give away a quick summary of how the universe was working, along with my two main characters + showing up the first supportive characters towards Maiev. Trying to present all the cast (so adding Illidari and more about Illidan) right in that chapter wouldn't have really worked so, instead, I went to show that a more "Legion-y" timeline could be expected thanks to Khadgar and Velen's presence in the chapter. 

I kinda hope that I succeeded to already show Maiev's obsession towards the Betrayer through her first lines.

Though I will be one hundred percent honest with you. The end of the chapter with Illidan running away, don't expect much from that interaction. I kind of always forget about it unless I'm reading back the chapter… I only needed a reason for them to stop fighting and the chapter to carry on.

But who knows, maybe I'll tie it to something one day.

Two Black Coffees And A Meeting, Please

When writing it, I always knew that Drelanim was on the other side of the call (or at least another Hunter) but as I read the moment a few times, I realized that I could have gone for a completely different way. One that would have probably surprised everyone.

But yeah, in another universe, it's Illidan who calls Maiev because he's in front of her place as they decided to meet for breakfast there. It would have been quite nice and unexpected for the story, especially that Illidan would have gotten right away the reveal that Maiev was actually the Warden as she would have complained about the wounds of the night. 

In the end, I went on with my first idea and made them meet for good in the chapter.

And, like with the first chapter… the "current problem" that he talks about to Kor'vas went nowhere… I'll more than probably get him to acknowledge some uninteresting side story for it at some point.

Memories Of A Rainy Day That Will Never Be Forgotten

For that one, one word: Ouch.

By the time I started to write this chapter, I was also preparing the Advent Calendar of 2019 and I had decided on telling Naisha's story, and I had to realize that I still had to foreshadow some elements from it to make it work. Of course, the title is fully referencing the day she died and the demon that Maiev killed right at the beginning of the chapter was similar to Naisha, putting Maiev in a stabbing mood. And it led us to another necessary addition for the Calendar's chapter: Malfurion.

(I'm also wondering how many people guessed right away that Malfurion was the one Illidan was calling…)

Brother, My Brother, Tell Me What We're Fighting For? 

Even if Malfurion had more of a cameo than anything in the Calendar's story, I felt the need to introduce him to put the bases of the twins' relationship. I always knew that he was a doctor and that he was mostly helping Illidan when he was getting in trouble, and as their backstory is different from WoW and that they are both demons, I didn't want to go on the canon path for them. 

I cannot tell much about it because we'll get fast to their backstory (Second arc) but here, Illidan and Malfurion mostly grew up in a world where it was them against the rest of the world. They were born during the glorious days when demons ruled the world and they saw it change through the millennia that followed. After everything, they would be devastated to lose the other and suddenly be the only one left. This is why they are way closer than they could ever be in canon (and also Tyrande isn't part of their backstory so it helped them keep a good relationship). Sometimes, they part ways for a few decades. Malfurion goes back to medical school somewhere and makes sure that he's up to date for it, or Illidan just moves with his clan to experience new things. But they stay in contact and always come back in proximity of one another.

The end of the chapter was my obligatory "shock reveal/cliffhangers" before a break. But well, I wanted to keep the Legion's existence in my sleeve for a little longer, but I realized that it would allow me to make them into a concrete threat as the story will progress + allowing Illidan and, mostly, the Illidari to be a little more presents into the story.

Actually, the chapter's name comes from a song from the occidental version of the first Pokemon movie. It's a line from the song that plays when the Pokemon and their clone fights, and i used it mostly for the brother's mentions and because it would totally be a thing said by one of the twins in their past…

A Flower Arrangement Made With Your Face In Mind

At that time, I wanted to make a chapter to develop a little more the supporting characters of the cast, and as I was taking back the writing of the fic after a four or five months break, I thought it would be nice. 

So, we got a little side dish of Illidari for it and that’s pretty much the only chapter (until now) where Illidan or Maiev barely appears in it. Yet, I threw some worldbuilding and foreshadowing in it and I still like it, so it isn’t really a filler.

I’ll probably do more chapters like that in the future, but I’ll see with the pacing of the story.

Willingly Accepting Your Death Isn't As Easy As I Thought

I don’t have much to say about this chapter. I still really like it and especially Maiev and Velen’s interaction. 

Along with showing that we were far from a potential romantic relationship, at least on Maiev’s side x)

A Laugh That Will Echo Through The Ages

Oh my God, that chapter! I could probably talk about it for hours but we would quickly reach the spoiler territory so I’ll see what I can tell without shooting myself in the foot.

I loved giving Khadgar some more identity and I like his relationship with Maiev. In the story, they are around 10 years apart, with Khadgar being the youngest. He’s like an honorary younger brother to every Hunter and even if Maiev won’t admit it, she’s kinda thinking the same. 

If he had been in the spotlight for this chapter, it was actually because I was thinking of writing his backstory for the Calendar of 2020 but in the end, I scrapped the idea and wrote something else. But It’ll happen at some point.

You Were In My Dream Last Night, And I Found You That Morning

A simple and nice chapter to calm down from the action heavy that was the precedent. I do throw some crumbs of foreshadowing and backstory, mostly for Maiev, but we will have to wait quite some time for the full one. Even if to be honest, before I release it fully, there will probably be some people that will stitch everything from my crumbs.

Illidan’s dreams are meant to be a plot point all through the story, and I decided to start them with this chapter. And of course, we can see that it’s the first chapter where Illidan, even if he isn’t conscious of it, starts to like Maiev more than he should have at that point.

A Red Dress And Heels To Hide The Knife In Plainsight

I loved writing that one. Showing that Maiev had more hobbies than hunting demons, along with showing how you had to act to get her to do things that she would refuse to do otherwise. Most of the time, if Sira gently asks if she wants to go do some shopping, Maiev always has something else to do. Not that she hates shopping, just that she thinks there’s better things to do. 

I could probably go more about Worgens and their existence, but it would spoil some part of the story :/ 

And honestly, I had an alternate version of this chapter where Illidan saw Maiev and Sira hurrying in the streets, followed them and he would have eavesdropped on the conversation about him. It was obviously bad because it was confirming that Maiev was at least a Hunter (which he won’t know until a while by that time) and it would have been totally an excuse for smut x)

A Warning Falling In Deaf Ears

With this chapter, I’ve been working on mixing the idea of chapters 5 (to concentrate on rest of the cast) with more of the main story. Like that, I show that there’s more than Illidan and Maiev in this universe, but at the same time, I’m still progressing their story by sharing the chapter between the two. I really liked writing Kayn like that and I think that one of my favorite things to write in this story, it’s Illidan and Malfurion interacting.

A Touch So Familiar, Yet So Strangely Threatening

I remember writing that chapter and suddenly realizing that it was going to be longer than the precedent, and i thought for a moment that I had to cut it in half, but I couldn’t find a satisfying way to do it, and it would have fucked up my outline, so I just carried on with it until I had told everything that I had to. 

With that chapter, I’m trying to show that Maiev can be really crazy when it comes to the Betrayer and his followers, but I can assure that she wouldn’t wound any of the Hunters, even if they cannot really be sure about it. And the little dialogue with the B-word made me laugh and yes, Maiev already called the Betrayer a bitch to his face. In 13 years, it would have been weird that she didn’t think of it at least once.

For the rest of the chapter, I just wanted to show that Maiev and Illidan were becoming comfortable with each other + setting up a reason for her to be worried about Illidan to show him her good side.

Screaming Under The Full Moon Won't Change Your Fate

The one thing I keep from this chapter, is that I can’t wait to dive more into Velen and Maiev's relationship.

Otherwise, yeah, if Illidan were to go into a fight only wanting to use magic, he could kill Maiev without breaking a sweat. But he likes the challenge and feels like it wouldn’t be satisfying to annihilate her with just a spell, so he’s fighting blade against blades, unless Maiev is really close to kill him.

A Fateful Call That Only You Can Be Blamed For

I have nothing much to say about it. It was one chapter that I really wanted to write and publish, because it’s the one where Illidan just let his guard down around Maiev for good, and now that he won’t try to trap her into admitting that she is the Warden, it allows him to see Maiev in another light.

That anyone can guess what it is.

Oh yeah, just that I threw some good crumbs of the fact that Illidan is a self-loathing addict in my fics and that it’s one of the reasons he falls so hard for Maiev after this chapter. But it’ll be a good talk for either another chapter, or later.

Going Separate Ways For A Night But Not The Life

Nothing to say, it was a transitional chapter to show that Illidan really believes that Maiev isn’t the Warden, and that there’s more than the fight to them.

Stab Me Once, Shame On You. Stab Me More Than Twice...

A fun little chapter. Velen is more modern than most people can believe and once again, I like writing about the interactions between Illidan and Malfurion. Of course, if you go back to read this one after chapter 20, you might see that I already knew how it was going to happen from this chapter, as the 20th got his title in this one.

I just hope that people read the story from the Advent Calendar 2020 to know what happened in the middle of it.

And From There, Fate Laughed At Them

I could talk for hours about Cordana in my AU. I just love what I’m going to do with her characters and I hope that my readers will like it too. 

But to give some crumbs, Maiev and Cordana have been best friends since high school and she’s the first long-time friend that Maiev had made in her life and thanks to Cordana, she met with Sira and the group, but most importantly Velen. Cordana is a hybrid of sixth generation, so her demonic attributes are almost non-existent, but she kept some supernatural ability from her legacy. She knew from a very young age that she wanted to hunt demons and protect people, and met with Velen early to prepare her future job. Once she discovered that Maiev had some natural abilities to hunt demons, she saw them as the future “Best Best Friend and Hunters” and convinced Maiev to give a go to the hunt. She was forced to move out in another city but she kept contact with Maiev and the rest of the group. In terms of strength, abilities and hunting score, she is right behind Maiev.

Otherwise, I will add that I had a lot of fun writing the conversation between them about Illidan and how he would be better than the Betrayer *winkwink*.

I didn’t make it clear in that chapter and it won’t be important, but Khadgar has a crush on Cordana.

Cordana meant well with the message, and even if in real life, I would condone such action, here, I needed it to move things around because yes, neither Illidan nor Maiev would make the first step if it wasn’t for Cordana.

During the fight, at the beginning of the scene, Illidan totally complimented the Warden on her abilities but don’t try to make him admit it.

Last thing: my nickname is Fate. I’m the one laughing.

Games, Games, All Is Games

I don’t really have anything to say about this chapter.

Sometimes, Cowardice Allows The Survival Of The Smartest

To be perfectly honest, I regret how I handled Cordana’s week in the story because I’ve barely done anything with her but I can explain where the problem is. I knew that I wanted Illidan to discover the warden’s identity on chapter 20, and I planned all my updates around that one fact, but when it came to the outline, I wasn’t sure what to tell between the chapter 13 and 20 to reach that point and thanks to the Calendar, I moved things around that one and I ended up having the idea of making Cordana appears (She should have come in person in the story much, much later). And as I needed chapters 18 and 19 to build up to the reveal, I ended up completely stuck and making her appearance too fast and if it wasn’t for the message, she would have been useless to the story. But I realized it too late and I couldn’t rework my outline in time.

But well, i’ll give her a better mini-arc in the second arc of the story to atone for it.

Otherwise, I hope that the feel of the countdown to the reveal starting by the end of the chapter had been caught by some people x) It’s obvious to me, but well, i’m the writer.

Step By Step, Tick Tock Said The Clock

Just a build up chapter for the 20th. Even if I really like it and that I’m preparing the ground for future plotlines but I’ll let you guess which one it could be x) 

I know I haven’t make it clear in the chapter, but Malfurion knew that Illidan was lying when he pretended that his problem was the Warden “may-be-may-be-not-a-hybrid/demon” but as he also know that his brother is a “stubborn motherfucker” he let it slid. 

And yes, somewhere in my mind, there’s an alternate universe where Maiev accepted Illidan’s invitation and that they would spend the evening at her place. Without a reveal first.

Any Last Wish?

I don’t really have something to add to this chapter. I succeeded to write it just as I wanted.

I just had a long debate with myself as to how I wanted it to end, as I had the choice between cutting it right as Illidan is saved by the Warden (maybe not revealing her identity before the next chapter, or it would have been the last line) or just as I did, by them reaching her place first. I chose the latter because I want Chapter 21 to start with a really specific scene and I thought that it was better than a cheap cliffhanger. 

The last thing I'll add, is that for the story to go well, I had to make Illidan be the first to be aware of the identity of the other, mostly because he can be the one to change his mind more easily about wanting to kill the Warden. If it had been Maiev discovering that Illidan was the Betrayer at this moment of the story, he would have died.

And now, because I'm not done yet, here’s some info about the bonus chapters that were published independently from the main story!

AC Day 8: A Morning

First calendar, in 2018, and I already knew that I was going to write Hasard. It had no name by this time, but I had written that small scene to try out a few things and see how it’ll work.

There’s a really high chance that I end up rewriting it for the main story, but I think that a few elements will change. We’ll see.

AC19 Day 24: Hasard: Naisha

Probably the worst (in terms of feels) chapter of the story yet.

Naisha is probably the character who had a story and fate the closest to canon and I wanted to keep it like that, as it allowed to shape even more the hate between the Warden and the Betrayer. Honestly, she wasn’t deserving of a death like that, especially that if the Betrayer hadn’t intervened that day by trying to kill Maiev, Naisha would have survived.

Actually, in any other universes/storylines possible, she would have survived. Unfortunately for her, she fell right into the feud and became a victim of it.

At this point of the story, Illidan isn’t even completely aware of what happened that day, and he has no idea who Naisha was. All that he knows is that he thought to have killed the Warden, only to find her, even more angry in the following week. He just knows that he had killed the wrong person, but he had no idea who. Maiev herself doesn’t know for sure that it was the Betrayer the culprit, as she couldn’t see clearly in the rain.

Of course, it’ll end up being brought up in the story :)

AC20 Day 8: Hasard: Malfurion’s Hellish Day

It should have been Khadgar's backstory actually for that Calendar. But even if I have a good idea about it, I realized that I wasn’t completely inspired and that I was missing a few details to be able to write it. So, in the end, I went desperately after another idea and thanks to Melowen, I think, she got me on the idea of writing about Malfurion.

In the end, this chapter, meant to be a funny one with Illidan and Maiev forced to be in the same place for the same job, with Malfurion, aware that it would be a catastrophe to let them discover the truth, ended up shaping the last chapters currently published.

And if you are wondering, no, Illidan wasn’t trying to trick his brother in giving him the secret identity of Maiev. He was just trying to get his brother approbation about the woman he was starting to crush on.

The line: ‘“Yeah, everyone tells me that I look like a famous actor,” Malfurion faked a chuckle, glancing at the woman.’ is a reference to my Bodyguard AU where Illidan is an actor. 

Alright, that’s all for the trivia! Thanks for reading this bonus chapter, and the main story until now, and I hope you’ll keep enjoying reading Hasard!

Rose

[notruercolors]

Adult Retrospection on Harry Potter

At five-years-old I was first exposed to Harry Potter by my godmother. I was slightly horrified by Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, total BS they changed the name thinking Americans wouldn’t understand what the philosopher’s stone is. I digress. There was something about the thing behind the turban that terrified five-year-old me. I only knew the movies until I was in middle school and high school. I got into the books a lot older than my peers as my reading level took longer to develop, I would discover in university I had dyslexia. I struggled getting into the books due to the descriptive style Rowling uses that I would get lost in therefore getting bored. It was by far easier to read than Twilight was, I never got past chapter one in that series. I recently re-read the series as an adult with aid of technology that makes reading easier for people with dyslexia, thank goodness for technology. With doing so I realized the true problems with the Harry Potter series. I vaguely remember all the issues back in the day with Christians banning and even burning the books. That never an issue I felt was apparent because children the books are meant for are aware of reality versus fantasy and if you are confident in young religious teachings that children should be able to be exposed to opposing views without being swayed away from those teachings. The problems I noticed were a problem when I was young, and it will continue to make the series more problematic with the younger generations more aware of these issues than I was as a child. The issue I have with the series stems from out-of-date unhealthy perspectives that are portrayed in the books. What are these unhealthy perspectives? I have noticed prevalent fat-shaming, acceptance of bullying. and acceptance of abuse.

 Someone out there is going to question me about the fat-shaming aspect, just hear me out on this one. Yes, there are characters that are overweight and portrayed as good characters. I must mention these characters I not described directly as fat. For example, as Neville Longbottom and Molly Weasley were described as plump which equals chubby in most people’s mind. The exception is Professor Slughorn; however, he was portrayed as a bit of a coward and vain. Otherwise, the fat characters in the story are Dudley and Vernon Dursley. They are betrayed as bullies and otherwise horrible people. There was a lot of description into Dudley and Vernon’s weight, way more than was necessary. It was nice that you saw Dudley’s weight be addressed during the series, but it was also not necessary for the story, so I never understood why it was included other than to make fun of Dudley. I would have preferred to have seen a transformation where Harry realized that Dudley had changed both physically and emotionally to a better person. I was always an overweight child. I didn’t think anything about this portrayal of fat people as a kid. This wasn’t the only form of media I consumed that had this view on fat people. It was all over during the 90’s and the early 2000’s. The media we consume has a significant impact to the formation of our identity and confidence as young children. I am not saying Harry Potter is the only factor in my issues of confidence surrounding my weight. It cannot be denied that Harry Potter had an enormous impact in the lives of children during my childhood and even now. It was a problem back when I was young. It is even a bigger problem for the current generation that is at age to enjoy the series.

 Bullying is a huge topic for Harry Potter. From an early age Harry was bullied by Dudley even physically assaulted by Dudley and his friends. Harry didn’t like his family. But it was clear nothing ever happened to Dudley for bullying Harry. Then there is the issue between Draco Malfoy. It kept increasing in intensity until it escalated to physical assault. Harry did face consequence for this incident, and never made that mistake again which is the only redeeming factor of this incident being in the book. This issue between Draco and Harry went both ways in the series, which is often how bullying works in real life. I do give credit for it at least being accurate in that aspect. Hogwarts appears to have zero polices regarding bullying. As it was very prevalent in the 1960’s during the time of Marauders and was still an issue in the 1990s. The set up of the four houses even encourages this behavior separating the students into cliques that have rivalries with each other that have gone on centuries. It is simply accepted as part of wizarding life. No one does anything to try to change it. That is ridiculous that centuries old rivalries still rule the wizarding world. The next aspect is directed towards bullying boy against girl versus girl against boy. Ron Weasley learned a harsh lesson in bullying Hermione when she almost accidently got killed by Troll in their first year. However, Hermione would go in their sixth year to physically assault Ron with the Oppugno spell. She was a Perfect, meaning she is supposed to be the model student. No one reported this incident. She faced no consequences. She should have at least had detention and her Perfect status should have been revoked. It doesn’t matter how much of a jerk Ron had been. There is zero tolerance for any physical assault in my moral system. Ron continued being her friend. It was as if nothing ever happened. This just helped support the old concept that if a boy bullies a girl, he should be punished severely but if a girl does the same, he must have done something to deserve it. What does this instruct young children? Domestic abuse against men is an issue that still swept under the rug in society. Boys and men cannot possibly be abused by the women in their lives. Men just like women die in domestic abuse situations. The fact that a children’s book indirectly supports that old fashion ideology bothers me deeply. This double standard will continue to exist as long as media, TV or printed, continues to support it.

 The acceptance of abuse in the series is also rather alarming. Harry was at the never least neglected, but frankly the treatment he received by his family was abuse. It is important to note that the UK was behind the rest of the world when it came to protecting children against abuse. There were no laws for child abuse until 1981. However, Harry went to public schools as a child. Why didn’t anyone realize what was happening and report it? I’m not completely sure how well reported child abuse was in the UK during the 80s and 90s. Corporal punishment was allowed in schools in 1986. However, it was mentioned that at Dudley’s school the students would use canes on each other, and the staff did nothing. When Aunt Marge visited, she asked Harry if they used canes at the school Petunia and Vernon made up that Harry went to, and he said they did every day. This was of course a law, but this made Marge happy to hear. In 1995-1996, Dolores Umbridge used Black Quill, which inflicted physical pain and semi-permanent mark, on students. It was highly illegal, but it still happened in the series, and no one could do much about it. I cannot end this section without mentioning Severus Snape’s treatment of Harry. He harassed a child for the actions of their father. What he did equates to emotional abuse. Professors were aware of his bias towards Slytherin students, and that Harry had conflicts with Snape. No one did anything about it or question Harry about why he disliked the Potions Professor so much. Harry does forgive Snape for his behavior. But that doesn’t make it any better. In fact, it encourages a concept that victims should forgive their abusers as Harry would have felt pressured to forgive him because of the circumstance Snape was in when he apologized. No one is required to forgive their abusers. Dolores did eventually get punished for the abuse inflicted on the students. It still bothered me it was even in the story. Just because wizards have their own society that does not mean that UK’s laws don’t apply to them. They may be wizards, but they still are citizens of and reside in the UK.

 I did enjoy Harry Potter in my youth, and I do not mean to take away from anyone’s childhood enjoyment of the series. But it is important that as adults we acknowledge the issues with the series as we begin to have children of which we may want to share our love of Harry Potter with. We need to be aware of the dark side of the series and what we may indirectly exposing our children to. This goes to anyone who wonders if they should allow their child to read Harry Potter. The views and portrayals of society is rapidly becoming old fashioned and by the time the children of the fans of the series become old enough to read the series may be comply inappropriate for young children. If you are having debates about the series based on religion, I feel this is a non-issue. Children are aware of fantasy versus reality. But there are aspects of the series parents should be aware of before making decision.

[welcome-to-afterlife]

Drunk Youseff, Kirr, and Noah headcanons please! Thanks!

Sorry if this is not accurate or ooc, since I've never seen anyone get drunk (forget drinking it lol). I'm going what I've read and watching in movies lol.

📚 Youssef enjoys a good drink from time to time. I doubt he drank often (since he was constantly working on his cases), but he'd drink whenever he won a case and someone invited him to bar for a celebration. Although he enjoys fancier alcohol (champagne and wine), a good vodka can work wonders. He has a has a medium alcohol tolerance. Given his height, it does take a little bit more booze to get him wasted.

📚 Nevertheless, when he does get wasted, there's not much of a difference. Out of everyone in this request, drunk Youssef is most like his regular self. The only difference is that he's got a lot less energy. Yes, I imagine that Youssef is a sleepy drunk. By default, his eyes are halfway closed. He sits and watches everyone else in the bar, toying with the empty shot glass in his hand. There's not a lot for him to say-- a chuckle or two whenever someone does a stupid party trick. It's almost melancholic, but Youssef isn't sad. He's just more subdued, the craziness unfold before him. Maybe he'll join if someone persuades him, but he's fine on his own.

📚 He's a bit of a romantic! Youssef is likely to confess his love to someone, pulling together an eloquent speech that could move anyone's heart. However, it's difficult to tell whether his flushed cheeks are from the alcohol or whether it's from his feelings. It dosen't help that his soft smile is more beautiful than the moonlight that reflects against his hair. And the dreamy look in his eyes is enough to make anyone fall into his arms. But it's not him being flirty or anything, it's just his true feelings poking through-- the ones that he's unsure of when he's sober.

📚 It's the best time for him to write poetry or record a stream of consciousness. The world is so much easier to describe when he strips away the logic and complexities behind it. Sometimes it's something sweet about the manager. Other times he's expressing his regret for the things he couldn't do in his life. Nevertheless, he usually writing his thoughts on a napkin or his arm. While it's probably going to be lost in the trash or smudged away, it's definitely worth the read.

🏹 Kirr didn't drink a lot of alcohol while he was alive. He didn't like the idea of not being control of his actions, which would give his enemies the perfect opening to attack him. Besides, alcohol was a great disinfectant-- he used it whenever he and his brother had gotten larger wounds. However, the Otherworld doesn't have such threats, so he doesn't object when he's invited for a drink (but he's still on edge).

🏹 Now hear me out. It would make sense for Kirr to stay the exact same (or even more defensive), but imagine Kirr as a soft drunk! There's something about the buzz of alcohol that makes his cheeks warm, allowing himself to become more vulnerable. He was safe from the snow and bloodshed-- he was safe from death. His harsh stares straight face are replaced with cute giggles and large grins. Everyone is shocked by the sudden change, but no one is really mad about. After all, when was the last time you saw Kirr sing like a schoolgirl?

🏹 He triples his intake of sweets. Somehow, chocolate tastes good now that his brain couldn't how sweet it was. In fact, it was so good that he'd like to order an extra large chocolate milkshake with chocolate sauce and chocolate whipped cream. Make sure to have chocolate chips as the topping, or he might actually jump behind the counter and take them himself.

🏹 He's a big hugger! It might be the fact that Kirr has such difficulty expressing his feelings towards everyone, but alcohol gives him that extra kick to put his affection out there. He often goes for surprise bear hugs, which initially scares everyone because they think he's choking them. But when they see his cheesy grin and the melodic tune in his voice, they can't help but wish that Kirr was always this friendly.

📸 Noah is an occasional drinker. While he doesn't go out of his way to grab a beer, having a drink with his friends is a nice way to hang out. Besides, he can drink quite a bit before getting drunk. In fact, June saw him take 10 shots and be completely normal. How does he have such a high tolerance? No one's really sure, but it's another quality on everyone's "Why Noah is Amazing" list.

📸 But maybe it's for the better that he doesn't get drunk. In fact, Noah often avoids being completely wasted-- with good reason. You know how Noah has two sides? The "sweet boy" side and the "I'm going to butcher you with a cheese stick" side? Well, when Noah gets drunk, he's a lot more likely to be on the second side. He's a lot more gutsy and rude-- probably just letting out all the steam from his mind. After all, he's always wanted to tell Kati to buzz off, so here's his chance.

📸 Noah doesn't have to worry about being invisible when he's wasted. He's much louder and has no problem with making backhanded comments. It's nothing new, it's just stuff that he bottles up when he's sober. His tongue is a lot more free, but so are his fists. However, he's not proud of it and tries his best to stay self-aware (which is difficult when your mind had gone hayware).

📸 Has probably gotten into a few brawls while drunk. He's definitely going to throw hands if someone calls him a boot-licker or insults him based on his past. There's a 80% chance that he wins the brawl (and looks hella awesome doing it), but there's a 100% chance that he's going to be cause some damage and be kicked out, so Noah needs to have a drinking babysitter buddy if he's planning to get drunk.

[seavoice]

Horse Trading

(link to ao3 on title, or continue reading after the read more)

“Octavian was an asshole,” Reyna said, a contemplative look on her face as she laid on the floor of Hazel’s Praetor Villa, “but sometimes I think, can you really blame him?”

“Yes,” Hazel said, from her position on the floor next to her, where she was trying to sketch Reyna, a task made inordinately difficult by the older girl’s constant moving around. “I really can.”

Reyna sighed. It was a long and contemplative sigh. It wasn’t unusual to see Reyna with a brooding, thinking look on her face, but the relaxed and content expression added a new dimension to it. It was something structural; it somehow made her look younger yet more self-assured at the same time. “Octavian,” Reyna repeated, “was an asshole. But this Villa, Hazel. This Villa. I can see why Octavian was so desperate for praetorship. This house almost makes up for the stress of leading a child army.”

“It does not,” Hazel said. “It really does not, Reyna. Distance has just made your heart grow fonder. And delusional.” She sighed as Reyna shifted her position yet again. Reyna winced as a wordless apology. “Also,” Hazel said, reaching for her eraser, “Octavian didn’t want the praetorship for the house. He wanted it because he was a power hungry and blood thirsty politician.”

“At least you agree the bed is worth it?”

The bed was very nice, Hazel had to admit. Californian King, which seemed excessive, but was appreciated, and the fluffiest pillows Hazel had ever laid her head on. “Maybe. But I’m not agreeing with you when you literally opted for laying on the floor instead of the bed.”

“Fair enough,” Reyna said. She stretched on the floor, some complicated starburst. Hazel decided to give up her endeavour at drawing Reyna and flipped to the previous page in her sketchbook where she had been working on a drawing of Arion. It was half completed, and it was an attempt at drawing purely from memory, but Hazel enjoyed the challenge. “But it’s good for your back, believe me.”

“You’re an immortal Huntress now. Does that really matter?”

“Also fair enough,” Reyna agreed. Reyna rolled over to prop herself up on her elbows and peeked at Hazel’s sketchbook. She raised a single eyebrow. “Oh, that’s certainly more...horse-y than I usually look.”

“I gave up. You move too much.”

Reyna inclined her head in acceptance. Still on her belly, she folded her arms and laid her head down on them.

It was weird to see Reyna so carefree. Weird in an undoubtedly good way, but weird nonetheless. Immortality had, perhaps ironically, taken years off her shoulders.

Hazel hadn’t invited Reyna to New Rome to draw her, but inevitably, that was what the visit had come to. She had written to her asking for advice — advice on running an entire city, advice on leading a quote unquote “child army” in times of peace, advice on not going crazy with stress — and Reyna had accepted so readily that a ventus spirit had brought her letter the very day Hazel had sent hers. Hazel had prepared for the visit with a single minded focus; she had brought a notebook for note taking, three different colours of pens, a highlighter, and her firmest handshake.

But then they had skipped the firm handshake and instead had hugged, tight, and Reyna had snagged a bowl of jelly beans from the Praetor office, and for the next few hours they had done nothing but lay on the floor of Hazel’s newly acquired Praetor Villa, swapping stories after stories, lazing around and sketching. Reyna had told her about the Hunt’s newest undertaking, some mythological boar or the other, and also about Thalia’s new obsession with 80’s rock. Hazel had told her about Lavinia’s latest shenanigans, and Gwen’s new job as a much valued mental health counsellor for the Legion. No notetaking had taken place. No praetor advice had been shared.

“It’s very good,” Reyna said, gesturing to Hazel’s drawing of Arion. “The likeness is stunning.”

Hazel beamed. “Really?”

“Of course!” Reyna scrambled to sit up. “It’s uncanny. This is really, really good, Hazel. It’s like…” Reyna made a hand gesture like she was pulling something; Hazel recognised it as an unconscious tick that Reyna had, one usually employed in Town Hall meetings when she was struggling to find the correct words to use for convincing reluctant denizens. “It’s like make a career out of it good,” she finished.

It was a warming compliment. Hazel’s smile grew wider; this was a pride unlike any other, something simple and easy and painless. Hazel had convinced herself to take pride in the smaller things more often. It made a dreary life just a little bit happier and easier when she could take pride in mastering her mist magic, in baking a sweet cupcake to perfection, in a good sparring session, in making a friend smile. But this pride in her artwork was somehow—brighter. It was something she’d dedicated long hours to.

“Horse artist?” Hazel said. “You think there’s a market out there for that?”

“Are you kidding me? Pet artist! Lucrative as they come.” Reyna laughed, an easy, lovely sound, and this too was unusual, this too was good, this too warmed Hazel. “People go crazy when they get pets. Put them in all cute little kinds of outfits and hire professional photographers, artists...I’m serious, Hazel. Business idea.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Hazel said, with a laugh of her own. Then she sighed and set down her pencil. “I appreciate the business advice, though honestly, what I need more is Praetor advice. I feel I’m going insane.”

“You’re doing wonderfully,” Reyna said. “You don’t need my advice, Hazel. You’re a force of nature.”

This was a sweet sentiment, and Reyna probably meant it, but it didn’t help Hazel’s case. “Thanks,” she said. “Like—genuinely. But I do feel...I do feel like I’m going insane. It’s—it’s a lot.”

Reyna’s eyebrows furrowed. She looked older at once, older in all senses of the word. Like the Reyna of before the Hunt, and the break from her duties—Reyna in charge, Praetor Reyna, sixteen year old Reyna with the world on her shoulders. She sat up straighter. “Is someone giving you trouble?” Reyna asked. “I was joking about Octavian earlier, but gods, if someone’s coming up to take his spot as Asshole of the Year—“

“No,” Hazel said quickly. “It’s nothing like that. That’s nothing. I could deal with someone like that no problem. It’s just—like you said...child army.”

Reyna exhaled softly and closed her eyes. “Yeah.”

Hazel hated bringing the mood down, hated evaporating Reyna’s good cheer, but she set that uncomfortableness aside for the time being. She pulled up her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. And there was solidarity in this too, acknowledgment. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Everything’s—okay, now, for the time being. Doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way forever.”

“That’s not really ever in your control,” Reyna said with a rueful smile. “But I do...I do get what you mean. I understand.”

“I thought you would,” Hazel said. “That’s why I wrote to you.” She’d thought of going to Frank with these thoughts too, and she was sure he’d give good advice, and be kind about it, but a part of her—a stubborn part, maybe, a conscious part, sure, but a valid part, nonetheless—hadn’t wanted to show a weakness to her co-Praetor, even one as familiar as Frank.

“I don’t know if I can give you any great advice,” Reyna said at last. “I don’t know if I can tell you anything you don’t already know, and you are doing a great job.”

Hazel tried to keep the sadness out of her smile. “Hm.”

“What I needed?” Reyna said. “What I needed when I was a praetor was...gods, just a ear. Just someone to bear it with me. Someone to understand. Jas—he was gone, and it was just me. For the longest time. But then with Frank, it wasn’t as hard again, because we could...we could switch off. We could share. That’s the only thing I can really tell you, Hazel. Only advice I can give you. Share. Share it with me, always. With Frank. Lavinia. Nico. Your friends. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re alone. You don’t have to be.”

“I know,” Hazel said. She’d been alone for so long in Asphodel she had thought she could survive loneliness, if she had to. But she didn’t have to. And she didn’t want to. “And you sold yourself short Reyna—you do give great advice.”

“Sounds like I didn’t say anything you didn’t already know.”

“But I think I needed to hear that from you,” Hazel said. “From someone else. You said it yourself—I just needed to know someone else understood. Otherwise it gets...it gets lonely.”

Reyna’s smile was soft. “You’ve got good instincts, Hazel. You’ll be just fine.”

Gods, she hoped. “Thanks for coming out here on such short notice. You probably were busy with the hunt.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Reyna said, and there was that strange new lightness to her again, a relaxed happiness. “Haven’t you heard? I’ve got time now.”

Hazel picked her pencil back up. “You know, if you try sitting still, maybe I can still do a quick sketch. Before you leave.”

“Actually,” Reyna said, and was Hazel imagining things or did she actually look self-conscious? “I have a sketch request, if you’d accept.”

Hazel was intrigued. “Oh. Oh. Sure. Who?”

Reyna smiled a little sheepishly. “Don’t laugh okay? I miss him. Scipio.”

Pet artist...Hazel let out a small giggle. “Oh, so when you said people go crazy when they get pets, you meant—“

“I told you not to laugh!” But Reyna was laughing herself. It wasn’t sad, but it was sort of wistful. “I never dressed him up or whatever, but he’s been on my mind lately; I’ve been wondering when he’ll reform. Pegasi reform slow, apparently. I thought I’d never see him again in this life, but now that I’m a Hunter—holy Pluto, I can. And you drew Arion so well—“

“I think it’s sweet,” Hazel said. It was, exceedingly so. Hazel was trying to recall Skippy in her memories, and she felt a pang of sadness as she remembered him soaring above them during the War Games. It had been a long time since she had seen him, but she thought she remembered enough to manage a sketch for Reyna. “It might not be a perfect likeness—“

“I’ve got a photo.”

Now, Hazel absolutely couldn’t control herself. She smiled wide, a fond laugh bubbling in her chest. “Oh, Reyna—“

“Will it, or will it not make it easier to draw him?” Reyna asked, tips of her ears a faint pink.

“It’ll be perfect,” Hazel promised. “Where have you got it? In the Praetor office?”

Reyna reached into her pocket and brought out a worn out photograph. As much as it was hilarious, it was also heart-warmingly sweet, a touch melancholy. Hazel sympathised with her—she couldn’t imagine losing Arion. She probably would start carrying a picture of him everywhere too; it wasn’t a bad idea.

“Sure,” Hazel said, studying the picture. “I can do a drawing for you no problem. You can carry it everywhere along with the picture. A horse drawing in exchange for solid advice. My first political quid pro quo as Praetor.”

“That’s a terrible deal, Hazel. I can literally commission you, if you want.”

“I’ll settle for a refill of my jelly beans,” Hazel said, gesturing at the now empty bowl of jelly beans. They’d made fast work of it. It hadn’t survived the first hour.

Reyna sighed and stretched out on the floor. “Oh, I forgot,” she said glumly. “One more piece of advice, Praetor to Praetor.”

Hazel looked up. “Yeah?”

“Stock up on those beans,” Reyna said mournfully. “And never let anyone break into your stash. You’ll need them.”

[nightklok]

TELL ME ABOUT HOW YOU WRITE PICKLES AND CHARLES PLEASE ;0; what are you inspirations for their dynamic? you write them so in love and it makes me immensely happy

Thank you firstly, means a lot because writing them happy brings me so much joy-even if I probably wrote more angst than fluff of them at a point-jkfl

I have answered Pickles here so I’ll write about Charles and why I write them together with the way I do! :D

Charles

I feel like Charles has a lot more emotions/feelings than the show tries to give him credit for (I like to think that by season 4, he learned to be a little be more emotional around the boys enough as he learned that it’s okay to be a bit emotional if he needs to around them BUT then Doomstar completely wrecked him) 

I really adore trying to write characters that are normally stoic in the show into more gentler/emotional people. I feel like the DVD extra of him taking calls and season 4/Doomstar shows he can be emotional! He has friends outside of Dethklok, his own hobbies/interests, definitely feels something and I don’t think my idea of him is really all that far fetched. He’s not just some asshole in a suit and while he has done questionable things, 9/10 it’s for the sake of Dethklok and not himself (Whoops forgot about Melmord here but even then I think Charles isn’t being selfish because he really does know he’s the only one that keep them in control-Melmord is just a snake oil salesman in a non-existent clown costume or something-)

I do keep in mind that he is a serious person and most likely is even when around people he completely trusts. He’s a person who can be a bit hard to read but he’s also not that hard when you actually get to know him and really know where to look when talking to him. Also I do headcanon that he is autistic but that’s for another story i think

He’s a character that even though I know is emotional inside, he does have to keep a stoic/non-expression look to him on the surface. He has the most important job in his life and he’s well aware of it. Being emotional/expressing anything but seriousness could possibly endanger him and Dethklok. It’s probably not by much because I do think even when he is emotional and can express himself, it’s still controlled to a degree. He can’t just let himself completely break in front of someone, he wouldn’t allow that at all.  I’d imagine he’d have to pretend that he only sees them as coworkers and nothing else or that the band would have to do the same to him or there would be kidnapping attempts. there probably is anyway on a yearly basis but thanks to him, it’s near impossible to do that as they do have highly trained klokateers.

But I still believe even regardless of that that it must get exhausting at times. A warm bed and wanting to sleep in is something that everyone desires to do at least once but they have to get up early and go to work or do whatever they need to do. Charles is human and he’s a human has needs like everyone else. I feel that he does probably have the days where just sleeping in sounds like a wonderful thing to do or that there are stressful days where he’d just need a long bath or something. Because of this, I don’t really seem him as aggressive or overly dominant when off work and in a relationship. Having to take care of a band and basically the world’s economy is exhausting. If he just wants to be taken care of, let him!!

Basically what I’m saying is let the guy take a nap

I do like to try and base off characters/writing off real people/situations so I think I gotta say Brian Epstein who managed the Beatles really helped in figuring out how Charles is like as a manager to Dethklok-I really began researching him around the time I got into the show because of class and it was interesting reading about him and I honestly think he’s one of the best band managers I heard of (next to Peter Grant of course-). I do also relate to Charles in some level though the patience he has I think is really almost inhumane because wow-

I kinda did write Chickles first before this so i might be repeating? So I’ll just leave this as it is but either way, I just like writing him as a little bit more emotional/down to earth. I get that it might be OOC a bit but I feel like the aggressive/dominant part is a little bit way too OOC-

Chickles

I honestly wonder why I write them so in love too if i have to be honest dsflkj

To answer what the inspirations; i feel like a huge factor into why I write them the way do (and probably any other ship) is because while i have had the feeling of falling in love before, i never really had the experience of being in a romantic relationship or went anywhere even close to that with someone. I feel like this is kinda obvious but its about the yearning I kinda do fantasize what it must be like but I do also take what I have learned/read/seen from either relationships I know of personally or seen in media and apply to them. I take both toxic and good relationships to see what I do/don’t want to write when it comes to relationships and what they would/wouldn’t do. I don’t use toxic relationships to completely shape a relationship but rather analyze it, see why it’s toxic in the first place, and see what I can do to either when I write relationships/pairings in general. Obviously I use Addams family’s Morticia and Gomez as a base for writing good relationships in general because who wouldn’t???

I also think writing terribly written Chickles fanfics and even ones with Charles probably help to in writing Charles. Are they near uncomfortable and make me wanna take a shower after reading them? Yes-but reading them not for entertainment/knowing what you’re getting into and then thinking about why you didn’t like it honestly helps in keeping a character in check. Not something I recommend for works that can potentially trigger you but for for those fics that just don’t nail their character right, can be useful in knowing how you don’t want to portray a character/relationship. It can be VERY easy to make Chickles a toxic pairing if you don’t know how to handle them right. Having a character like Charles be with someone like Pickles can be easy to butcher if someone doesn’t really study their characters. Charles doesn’t have to be completely dominant nor is he a Christian Grey-like character that doesn’t seem to know how to properly communicate with his partners. And Pickles is definitely not a weak, submissive person and is stronger/braver than anyone gives him credit for when writing those relationships. I like to think that while one may be a little more dominant/in control of the relationship, they are complete equals. If one needs to be taken care of, the other will step in and help them out.

Writing them that they had knew each other in the Snakes N’ Barrels era/80s has always been basically canon to me too! So I guess it just makes it also a lot easier to write them as in love when I set the stories in dethklok/present day; whatever problems that they had in the beginning that they fear the other might judge/yell/misunderstand for would be long since resolved/handled by the time the show aired. Whether they actually date or not by then kinda depends on the story but either way, they would have a strong relationship. They would have learned about each other, their problems and who they are inside and out. They fall in love with the little things they do and learn to handle any pet peeves with them but accept them as who they are. They have gone through so much together behind the scenes and their relationship to each other probably is one of the few that hasn’t changed when Dethklok got incredibly famous.

Season 3 and onward might be a different story. Though it’s not because of personal grievances but more of just the topic of keeping secrets & not telling the truth when they would’ve most likely been so honest with each other before. And honestly that’s what makes it REALLY devastating to write about; Pickles would know jackshit for at least a few years (Assuming that Season 3 & Season 4 took place within 3 years at best.)  and I don’t think watching someone you really love/care about die in front of you, then come back less than a year later and refuse to talk about why they’re here and give vague/cryptic answers is gonna put things back to normal.  (Maybe one day I’ll finish that fic I poured near 10,000 words in-).

And honestly it’s probably where I would like to explore on their relationship the most but it’s just so damn complex and detailed that I definitely need a lot of time to work on. They’d both want things to go back to normal but by Charles coming back, it signaled that things weren’t as what they used to be and that they most likely won’t be. What used to be a relationship based on comfort, familiarity, and a predicted unpredictability, has become something much more than neither of them have either prepared for. They’ll have to work hard to move past it and accept that like their relationship, things won’t be like they used to be. But with how much time they have spent together and that they still love each other regardless, they’ll be able to go through with this and get their happy ending!! (And I guess this is why I evolved from ‘definitely not the marrying type’ to ‘yeah they definitely get hitched after galaktikon’ because charles and pickles have probably signed a lot of important documents all their lives, so signing a marriage certificate that binds them to each other would be the most sentimental/important document he’s ever signed.)

All in all,they have such good potential writing because it’s just easy to write them for me. From their first meetings to first relationship to getting to be signed to Dethklok, I feel like they have something I probably won’t be able to replicate in other ships. They are an absolute joy to write and getting to explore.

God i could go on forever about them but im gonna stop dlfskj

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Fifteen (Part One)

Previous Chapter Here

Tags: @jennmurawski13 @kelbabyblue

Warnings: Some mild language

Notes: This is the first of a 3-part chapter. It moves the story along quite a bit (finally) and I am about 80% complete on the second and third parts, too. Shouldn’t be too long ‘til they get posted, fingers crossed. Thanks again for stopping by. Let me know if you have any comments or advice; all greatly appreciated, good and bad!

Chapter Fifteen: Part One

“So, what you’re saying is if I don’t put out a statement, they’re going to roll this all over me? And there is nothing we can do to stop this?” Chris yelled into his phone, his hand coming down hard on the white marble counter in front of him. “What do I even pay you for?!”

“Listen to me, will you?!” Matt was on the end of the line attempting to diffuse his client’s growing anger from 3,000 miles away. “There isn’t anything in this that harms you, OK? I’ve read the copy and honestly, you come across as a really sweet guy. She paints you out to be a lovely person, someone who was helping her come to terms with the end of her marriage.”

Matt was getting no response from the other end of the phone but could picture the look on Chris’ face as it he was standing in front of him. “I know it’s not ideal. It’s not great timing but it could be so much worse. You’re not being painted as a homewrecker. We can absolutely deal with this when it happens, put out a couple of cute pictures of you and your nephews or something and all will be forgotten.”

Chris sighed in exasperation. Or was it desperation? He didn’t even know. “...who the fuck ever writes this trash? None of it is remotely true.”

“I know, I know, we’ve pushed back on a lot of the smaller details, dates and things like that, but I honestly think if we put out this statement it’ll clear up a lot of the ambiguity they’ve left in theirs. They’re just trying to get some clicks, that’s all.”

“It’s not ambiguous, Matt, it’s downright bullshit. I mean, the whole thing about the hotel is not even close to being true. I booked it ‘cos I was feeling unwell and needed a break. She just turned up. I didn’t invite her.” He was losing his cool again and becoming more upset. “And what have they said about my mom?”

“Ummm...” Matt scanned the pages scattered over his desk. He quickly located the offending quotes and just as quickly sugar-coated it to avoid one of his biggest stars passing out from stress. “Just that they’d met and got along. I actually don’t think that’s a problem for us. If anything, it shows you are close to your family and they visit you on set from time to time.”

It had been a long morning and Chris was already feeling like he wad done for the day. No, the entire week. He needed a beer. He needed beers plural and he needed to get wasted for a night and forget everything arising around him again. Better yet, he needed Sarah. She’d know what to say and when she’d finished saying it, she’d help his mind feel quieter again.

Oh fuck. Sarah.

She’ll think he’s a dickhead when she reads this. It almost goes against everything he’d explained to her and his family so far.

“When is it coming out?” Chris asked after a few moments had passed.

“They’re pushing for late August and I actually think that is out best chance. September is a busy time for magazines across the board and everyone will be talking about the big ones, Vogue and Vanity Fair etcetera. There’s no competition.” Matt was talking in a calmer tone mirroring Chris’ own change of pace. “We can slip out a quiet rebuttal and end it before it’s even began.”

“Yeh, yeh, OK. I understand.” Chris took a deep breath wearily and leaned his whole body onto the counter. He ran his free hand down his face and rested it on the beard underneath his chin, tugging slightly on the hairs in a bid to feel something else that would hopefully bring him back into the room.

“You need to trust me, Chris. That’s what you pay me for.” Matt reassured him. They exchanged as polite a goodbye as possible before hanging up. Matt threw himself back onto his desk chair, swinging it around to take in the view of a bustling downtown Los Angeles outside his office window. stuff like this was child’s play for a pro like him but Chris wasn’t a typical client. He was normal for one thing, whatever “normal” meant these days. He’d been representing him for close to nine years, one of his longest relationships now he thought about it, and one that meant a great deal to him.

Professionally, the work helped pay for his mother’s retirement home and his own holiday apartment in Aspen, Colorado, but it ran deeper than that. Chris was also a very good friend. If Chris had stuck to low-budget Indie dramas like he originally planned, Matt wouldn’t have minded even though he had worked with and had experience of dealing with mega-studios like Marvel and stars who actively sought to cover themselves in PR glory any chance they got. That sort of thing was strangely easier to handle but Chris remained quiet and adamant about sticking to his guns when it came to his private life and Matt held a very high respect for that. So, when stuff like this came along, well, Matt knew exactly what to do and was all too happy to hold a light up to the hypocrisy of the Hollywood press machine.

Thousands of miles away in a small kitchen in Boston, Chris remained holding on to the edge of the countertop as he brought his breathing back under control. Lisa, had ventured in and out at times only to fall back when she felt Chris’ bristling, nervous energy. It was rare that he got angry at Matt so something was clearly going on to cause him to lose his cool but she knew now wasn’t the right time to ask him.

“Shall I make us some lunch, sweetheart?” she finally plucked up the courage to take a few steps into her kitchen. She ran her hand lightly across his broad shoulders causing Chris to look up and take stock of his surroundings again.

“Yeh, that’d be nice, thanks.” He pulled a stool out and sat down. “Sorry if you could hear me shouting. It’s just some stuff with work but it’s fine now.” it was sweet that he was trying to make her feel better as though he himself had done something wrong.

“I didn’t hear you so don’t worry. Glad it’s fine now, though. Ham and cheese OK?” she asked, a broad smile now painted across her face that only grew wider when he nodded back at her. “Also, Scott and Shanna were going to cook some dinner later on tonight so we could pop over if you like? Save us cooking here again.”

He would very much like to head over to his sister’s apartment. That way lied harmony and he could relax in calmer surroundings and spend time with the people he loved the most. This press nonsense could wait another day. If it was going to happen regardless of his intervention, why even bother stressing about it in the first place?

It wasn’t much of a surprise to find Shanna’s kitchen a total mess when they arrived later that afternoon. Despite the comforting smell of fried onions and garlic that greeted them from the hallway, the physical view of her kitchen provided an altogether different experience. A stack of unwashed pans and remnants of chopped tomatoes and leeks spread out across the counter surface and what Scott had actually meant when he said he was also going to be helping with the cooking was that he would stir the bolognese for half an hour and check the garlic bread hadn’t burned. Other than that, Shanna appeared to have built some kind of living art installation.

The four were seated around the table, a second bottle of wine down, and gabbing about sport and nothing in particular. Chris’ quietness had not gone completely unnoticed with Scott and his mother sharing a few glances as the evening wore on.

“Is Sarah staying at work for a while, then?” asked Lisa, picking at the final slice of garlic bread after her children had decimated the rest of it.

“Yeh, I think so. It’s been a bit up and down lately after the crash and I know she’s keen to muck in as much as she can now before she goes away.” offered Shanna.

Chris’s ears perked up. “Away? What do you mean?”

“Oh crap.” Shanna banged her hand on her forehead. “Um, OK, this isn’t common knowledge and I didn’t tell you guys this but she’s possibly heading back to college to train to become a doctor.”

“Really?” Scott dropped his fork on his plate causing a loud clang that reverberated around the kitchen. “Well, good for her. She’d be an ace doctor. She looks great in scrubs and I know for a fact she handles drunk people exceptionally well.”

Shanna rolled her eyes at Scott. “She actually has the exam in New York next week and if she passes that, who knows? I can’t really tell if she’s excited or not but her parents don’t know so please don’t mention anything to them...” Shanna looked across the table at her mother whose eyes widened in response to the insinuation.

“If she gets back into college, will she stay here to train or move or what?” asked Chris trying his hardest to keep a rising level of confusion at this new information to a minimum.

Shanna merely shrugged non-committedly and he felt his frustration with his sister boil close to the surface. “I can’t see her moving or if she does then it’d be more of a commute. Like, a couple of days there and here or whatever.”

“She likes living in Boston, doesn’t she? And I imagine it would be harder for her folks to visit if she lived in New York full time.” Scott offered, some logic that Chris was grateful for. “Jocelyn hates busy cities. She would hate New York for sure.”

“Lincoln is a teach hospital, right?” Chris asked, his tone more urgent than he’d intended. “I mean, she could train here? There’d be no problem with that. I’m sure they wouldn’t wanna lose her.”

“Well, selfishly I hope she doesn’t move ‘cos who’s gonna look after your sorry ass?” Scott needled his sister with his elbow and was rewarded with a slap on his shoulder. “Or if she does move full time it means we have a party base in the city again!”

“Oh yeh I’m sure she would love you rocking up at her home at all hours of the goddamn morning.” Lisa remarked. “When is her exam, honey?”

“Thursday. She’s staying at a hotel in town a few days before to swot up on some notes Greg lent her. He rocked up with a frickin’ suitcase the other night. Just books and books of the stuff.”

“What’s he getting out of this?” Chris asked. It was not the first time talk of Greg had ruined his day and now on top of that he was starting to feel distrusting of the interest he appeared to show in her future. He especially didn’t like the knowing look he caught his family give to each other either. “Oh c’mon. He’s not her type, really. She’s said as much herself.”

“Yehhh but he’s super cute and have you seen his car?” Scott asked, pouring another glass of wine for himself. “He reminds me of, fuck, what’s that actor’s name again? The guy from Sons of Anarchy but with darker hair...”

Chris threw him a puzzled look before dismissing his comments with a wave of his hand. “Sarah’s not like that. She’s not into trivial stuff.”

“No, I know, but he’s also stable. I mean, he’s ambitious to a fault, sure, but he knows exactly what he wants and where he’s going.” Scott reasoned. “That could be good for her. I think we can all agree that this stuff with Charlotte left its mark and maybe she’s wanting to try something different? Find a bit of stability? Y’know, settle down a bit or whatever.”

“Since when did you become an expert?” Shanna spoke up. Chris was glad somebody else said it but was less glad when she laughed a second later. She nodded, evidently in agreement with his rationale.

The room fell quiet again as they finished what was left of their dinner. Chris was feeling the dread borne from this morning’s conversations now manifesting itself in the very bottom of his stomach. He regretted coming now. He should have stayed at home and gotten drunk by himself. It would have felt a whole lot nicer than what he was experiencing now.

He swirled what was left of his wine around his glass before downing it and reaching for the bottle. Just as he poured, the front door went and in and walked Sarah surprisingly fresh-faced and smiling upon catching the clan sat peacefully around the kitchen table.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, happy to see them all. She walked over to the hob to smell what was left in the pan before catching sight of them staring at her. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Nothing honey. Ignore them. How was your day?” Lisa started, breaking the silence.

“The usual. I did, however, manage to separate a grown man from a Tonka truck he had glued to his hand.”

“The fuck?” Scott quizzed almost choking on his food and turning around in his chair to face her. “I swear, you have the best job I have ever heard of.”

“Hmm true story. He was making some kind of art display and held on to it for too long. Took us an hour and a tonne of olive oil from the cafeteria to free him.”

Sarah glanced between Scott and his mother laughing before clocking Chris, stony-faced and not quite making eye-contact. She left her eyes on him a little longer than she was usually comfortable with in these settings but he didn’t budge. Shanna eventually grabbed her attention by handing her a bowl of pasta that she gratefully accepted with a “yummy” and grabbed a seat at the table.

Lisa left a little over an hour later but Chris and Scott remained loitering around the kitchen and the lounge. Scott was helping to wash up alongside Sarah when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she emerged, she nearly ran full-on into Chris.

“Sorry.” he said, shifting to the side so she could move by him.

“It’s OK.” she moved further out of the way so he could walk in behind her. “Are you OK? You’ve barely said a word all evening.”

He glanced back to her, trying to play down his obvious discomfort. “Yeh, fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

He closed the door behind him leaving her in the hallway at a loss as to the reason for his agitation. She could hear Shanna and Scott making a mess of what was left of the washing up, the TV volume a little louder now in anticipation for Drag Race, and she retreated into her bedroom to fold away some of her clothes that Shanna had left on her bed from their washing that day.

Chris lingered in the hallway wanting to avoid the loud shrieking now coming from the kitchen before heading towards Sarah’s bedroom. She hadn’t noticed he was there so he allowed himself to watch her, smiling to himself when he heard her hum a tune under her breath. It sounded like ‘Beat It’ only slower. He never figured her as a Michael Jackson fan. Truth be told, he didn’t know all that much about her musical tastes other than making fun of the fact that she cried at a Pixies concert some years earlier.

He viewed the couple of photographs adorning the wall, one of a family gathering, one of her Shanna graduating, before resting on the Steve McCurry print she’d bought at the exhibition. That felt like a lifetime ago now. So much had happened since but he still clearly remembered the shit he had given her at the time. All she was trying to do, he now realised, was get some answers for herself. She wanted to put to bed all of the questions she had had since she was young, questions that might offer answers for who she was as a person. Isn’t that what everyone wants?

He liked Jocelyn and Noah, they all did, they were great people. but she wasn’t a part of them physically. There was something growing somewhere in the back of her mind and as she grew older and wiser, as time moved on, she increasingly felt the differences between them. She had once tried explaining it to him, that it was like a tree and an acorn; no matter what beautiful and wonderful branches and leaves grow from it, it always comes from something small at the very beginning. The acorn directs everything that follows. He couldn’t properly understand it at the time - why would he, he had had an easy life thus far - but as he watched her shuffled around in the closet, humming to herself quietly and in her own little world, he understood that what she longed for, that all anyone ever longer for, was to feel like she belonged somewhere.

He could hear Scott and Shanna joking around in the kitchen, no cares in the world, and knew he had it lucky. Despite the crap this morning still ruminating in the back of his mind, a slight unease at what might find its way into the press over the next few weeks, it was small-fry compared to the real, honest problems normal people experience in their lives. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe Scott was right. Maybe she just wanted some stability after all, and that realisation was stirring something uncomfortable that he couldn’t name inside him.

“Hey, you OK?” she asked and he realised she had been staring at him for god knows how long. All sorts of thoughts flew through his mind in quick succession but he didn’t immediately know how to respond to such an apparently straight-forward question.

“Yeh,” he responded, clocking how unsure he sounded. “I mean, I’m good. You?”

“Yeh, I’m OK.” She smiled at him and he instantly felt better, waves of stress just ebbing away. He wanted to reach out to her and give her a hug but he knew she wouldn’t feel comfortable with his family so close by and liable to walk in at any moment so he settled instead for smiling warmly back at her and handing over some folded towels from off her bed.

A couple of moments dragged by before she decided to break the awkward silence. “I know I said I would make it up to you but work’s been busier than usual and I’ve had to cover shifts for a couple of guys as well. Michael’s ill so Audrey’s been playing nurse at home.”

He leaned back on the side of her chest of drawers and nodded slowly. He was biting the inside of his cheek and she recognised his face from when he’d shown irritation towards Shanna. He was clearly contemplating something.

“Well, you can make it up to me now if you want?” He offered, arms folded, posing an interesting predicament. He noticed the confusion cross her face and chuckled to himself. “No, not that, not with... I just meant you could do me a favour now. If you wanted to.”

Sarah looked perplexed but Chris didn’t move. He didn’t immediately offer any answer to his question so she didn’t know what he was aiming for.  She left the closet and re-entered her bedroom, taking up a stance a couple of feet in front of him. Even leaning back against her cabinet, he remained a good couple of inches taller than her. 

“Shanna said something earlier and we promised not to bring it up with you ‘cos apparently it’s supposed to be some big secret,” he started, noting the hint of verbal aggression and thinking better of it, “but are you leaving Boston?”

“What?” She asked, stunned. She never anticipated that this was where he was going.

“She said you’re heading back to the college and that you might consider starting up your doctoral training again, and...I don’t know.” He was losing confidence with every passing word. “It just sounded like it was a done deal is all.”

She oscillated between feeling annoyed that Shanna had revealed her plan to re-take her MD exam, and concern that they all assumed she was suddenly wanting to leave town. As if it would be that easy to do so.

“No, I’m not leaving Boston. My God.” she rubbed her hand across her forehead in frustration. “I am taking the exam, yes, but I haven’t figured anything else out beyond that. Honest.”

He didn’t seem altogether convinced of her response but time was passing by and the noise had died down from the kitchen so it looked like it he would just have to accept whatever she was giving him. He had hundreds of questions, many far away from being appropriate, but the sincere look on her face did some of the work for him.

“It was only an idea. I tried it before and maybe, if it works out again, it could be something different for me to focus on.” she continued. Scott has been right about one thing at least.

“If you pass, you could always train at Lincoln, though, right?” he asked quietly. He sounded like a child asking his parents if they were still going to be friends once they divorced and he hated himself for it. 

She shrugged, not having immediate answers that might make him relax a little more. He was clearly struggled with something. “I guess. I mean, I honestly have not thought about it beyond the exam. I have a lot of studying to do as well so I might not even pass it.”

“Yeh, she said Greg gave you some magazines or something.”

“Oh, good, so you’ve got the whole story, then.” Her tone validated the sarcasm behind her words. “Look, this is all so far into the future now and really, who the fuck knows what’s going to happen? But I promise that I will tell you guys everything once I know whatever the fuck it is I am thinking about.”

Selfishly, he wasn’t thinking of his family, or her family, or even her colleagues for that matter. He just wanted to know where she was going to be one month from now. Or, hell, even a year, and whether or not she would be open to him visiting her. Visiting her new apartment in Brooklyn. Or Greenwich. He could imagine her in Greenwich. It was greener and she could go for a run in the park every morning and they could grab a coffee on their way back home. He could walk her to work and wave her off and then spend all day lounging around her apartment reading the newspapers, waiting for her to come home again. One thing he had gotten used to was enjoying his quiet time a lot more when she was around. He wasn’t quite ready to give that up.

“Guys?” shouted Scott from the lounge. “It’s starting!”

“What’s starting?” he asked Sarah.

“Drag Race, I think.” she responded biting her lower lip and knowing exactly how he was going to feel about that.

“Oh fucking hell.” He threw his head back and laughed before resting his eyes back on her. “Alright. Let’s get this over with.”

*

[purplesurveys]

1010

survey from diggitydoo

Have you ever felt a baby kick? Yes, when my mom was pregnant with my brother. What color pants/shorts are you wearing? I’m only wearing a duster gown; no shorts underneath. I just got it last night, actually - my mom wanted to donate clothes to victims of a recent fire incident in Manila and so she asked my sister and I to sort through our closets for clothes we were willing to give away. My sister ended up giving away a comfy-looking duster gown that she never even wore and even smelled brand new to boot. It ended up in my hands, ha. But apart from that we gave away a lot of stuff that aren’t old uniforms or costumes (which is what most people tend to ‘donate’, ugh), so we just hope they end up with people who really need them. When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? Last night I went on our org’s Discord server and we played Jackbox games for around an hour or so. It was my first time to socialize again after around two months and I really, really needed that moment. I even met the org’s newest roster of applicants for this semester, which was neat. :) What was the scariest moment of your life? Men terrorizing me or near-car crashes I’ve had.

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? The name is familiar, but that’s the most I know.

Pancakes or flapjacks? I guess pancakes, since I don’t even know what flapjacks are. What kind of computer are you on? It’s a laptop. Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what's your favorite dish? For sure. Pork buns or minced pork with eggplant. With century egg on the side, yum. What are you usually doing at midnight? Either passed out or desperately trying to sleep because I don’t want to lose any more hours of sleep and risk being cranky for the whole of the next day. Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? No. The worst thing that’s happened was being someone’s ball date (and unbeknownst to me, they apparently had feelings for me at the time) while I was already with someone. If so, how did it turn out? He figured it out by himself, which I still feel bad about. But the timing was super off and I just couldn’t find a moment to sit him down and set the record straight...ah well. It was just super complicated at the time. Give me your brief definition of love. My favorite love-related quote is “Love never says ‘I have done enough’” and for the longest time, that has been my guiding principle when it comes to it. Definitely a tad bit cheesy, but telling myself that over and over makes it easier to continue loving the people I care for and be patient with them when they’re being asses. Gab included, then and now. What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? It differs for everyone but I’m a thigh girl through and through. What kind of shoes do you wear? Uh...various ones? I have sneakers, flats, heels, flip-flops, probably a couple more kinds that I can’t place at the moment. What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry? Resorting to physical violence. I was a kid constantly exposed to violence in my old home, and at the time I genuinely thought that’s how most things were settled or pacified. I still feel like shit about it to this day, and my backstory isn’t an excuse at all; but the past is the past and I’ve been trying to make up for it by being a much more gentle angry person in the last few years. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? Nope. Do you like the smell of coconuts? For some reason I can’t stand anything coconut (which is a damn shame considering I’m Filipino) but I love dishes with heaps of coconut milk in them, like curry. That’s the one coconut-related thing I enjoy, but otherwise I’ve never learned to appreciate the taste and smell of buko juice, coconut shavings, coconut pies, and everything else coconut. What is the heaviest you think you can lift? From what my old PE class showed me, around 70 to 80 lbs. Do you take Tums? Idk what that is so I guess I don’t. Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? I’m not sure if I’ve been to a pier before. I bet it feels wonderful and freeing and I’d love to visit one; but I also can’t keep myself from associating piers with the recurring image of Jennifer Connelly’s character standing on one from Requiem for a Dream. How about under one? No. At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? Not sure if it was 11 or 12, but it was definitely one of those years. Do you feel that way around anyone now? Yeah, if they allowed me to see them. But I’m shut out now so I haven’t had that sensation in a while.

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? No. Do you ever sing to yourself? Sure. I’m sure most people do every once in a while. What is a sound that relaxes you? Ocean waves have never failed. How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life? ‘Main goal’ sounds so overwhelming; I make it a point to avoid one overarching goal and instead make little goals and plans here and there depending on where I am in life. Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? Never heard of it. What is your main heritage? Filipino. What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? I hate pickles. What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? Mozzarella and feta are my faves, but I love cheese and am willing to be adventurous when it comes to it. If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? Eh, they can stay in the sea where they can actually survive. I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to keeping fish as pets. How about a farm animal? Probably pig. So, do you have hoes in different area codes? No, and ew. What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? Haven’t been exposed to a lot of new music lately and the songs I do get to hear on the radio whenever I drive are actually pretty good. This totally doesn’t answer your question but my favorites so far have been Birthday by Disclosure, Kehlani, and Syd; and Plain by Benee, Lily Allen, and Flo Milli. What is a song that you hate to admit you like? Any Kanye song I like. What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? Not wanting to go into another downward spiral. Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? Extremely rarely. I only do when there’s a new slang I’m completely unfamiliar with. Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? Stupid for the most part. I find them too immature or vulgar, but that’s one of the points of the website so I guess I’m just not in their target audience lol. What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'transformation'? Uh, the Transformer robots.

What was something you regularly played with as a child? My cousins’ toy soldiers.

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? Eh, a few times. If so, what did you do? I’ve been pulled to drinking sessions here and there when I really shouldn’t be drinking because I had an important test tomorrow or something else was happening the next day that was just as significant. What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? Teeth, I’m pretty sure. I’ve had braces, needed a tooth extracted, gotten a cavity, and gone through a severe toothache.

Do a lot of people check you out when you're in public? Idk I never look around because being aware of it would just freak me out and make me feel like I’m naked. What is a good name for a turtle? Would depend on their personality. And this applies to all kinds of pets, at least for me. I don’t decide on their names until I have a good grasp of their attitude. Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? Stereotypical Filipino mom and valley girl. Do you like having your ear nibbled on? Sure. What makes a good kisser a good kisser? I’ve only kissed one person so I’m not the best judge for this; but I always like it when my lower lip is tugged or grazed on. How many times a year do you have a family thing? This is a little vague for me. Do you mean get-togethers? Giant-ass reunions? Movie nights? Game nights?  What are the best things to put in a smoothie? I only like one kind of smoothie and it’s sold by a local joint – and I think I’ve already shared this before but that smoothie of theirs that I like has “apple, banana, cinnamon, oats, coco sugar, chia seeds, greens, and soy milk,” according to their menu. So I guess those are the best ingredients for me, ha. Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? When I find something extremely delicious, yeah. What do you dislike most about where you live right now? For the most part I can’t wait to get out of suburban residential villages. I’d love to finally experience living in a condo in a super busy and active city. Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? Yes.

Are you watching your weight? Not really. I’m trying to gain pounds though, if anything. I haven’t eaten much in the last two months. Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? I trust y’all with my life, so that’s one. Apart from Tumblr, the best friends I made were probably the people in the AJ/Punk fandom, back when I had a stan account on Twitter. I don’t remember most of their names now and we fizzled out pretty quickly when both parts of the ship left WWE, but I look back on that period with fondness. Those people made high school a lot easier for me. What makes your best friend your best friend? She doesn’t care whether I’m on top of the world with happiness or completely self-destructive and crying my eyes out; she has always been present. Do you have a drunk uncle? *rolls eyes* We don’t wanna open up that can of worms... Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? Nope. What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? Based on personal experience and not to come off as sexist, but it’s liking wrestling. I have never met a girl in real life who has even the most remote interest in pro wrestling or can tell me who Hulk Hogan is. And the ones I’ve had discussions with - from shallow/casual to in-depth - have all been guys. Seeing girls who are into wrestling is like finding a rare Pokemon, at least in real life. What is the girliest thing you do, if you're a girl? Idk. What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? Probably the spork tattoo of Josh, a crew member from Good Mythical Morning. It’s just a line tattoo. Of a spork. On his arm. But he managed to make it so goddamn fascinating lmao; and apparently, as I learned just now, it has a pretty touching backstory to it too, which makes it a million times cooler. Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? I’ve never finished any of the crafts I bought. Never finished a coloring book page much less an entire coloring book, a painting, a gem painting...it’s something I’ll have to bring my butt to do one of these days. I can’t imagine how fulfilling it would feel. Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? I eat the whole thing but I honestly find Oreos too sweet and I’ve always much rather preferred Oreo-flavored stuff instead of the actual cookies.

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? My mom. If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? She’s fed me for 22 years and gave me an education, I guess. Though it’s something I appreciate more so than like. Have you ever used a racial slur, even jokingly? Probably as a dumb kid, when historical context wasn’t a thing to me yet. I still wince thinking about it, but I suppose what matters is being better and more responsible moving forward. Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? Angela and to some extent Andi. 

If so, what about them do you like most? They are both understanding when it comes to me - almost to a fault. What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? When you say ‘hotdogs’ here, it refers to the sausages itself. The sandwich kind of hotdog isn’t super popular here. What is everyone else in your house doing right now? My siblings are still resting in their rooms; my dad is preparing for work, I think. What is the most money you've ever had at one time? Something like P10,000 or P15,000 when my mom needed me to pay for something in cash. How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? Idk, maybe 10 minutes. I won’t be fast, that’s for sure. Look down. What do you see? My legs and the pillow I’m sitting on. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Right now, probably my failed relationship. I haven’t gotten to the sharing stage yet and remotely thinking about it gets my voice all shaky. What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? Paramore. What kind of mood were you in most of today? It’s only 7:52 AM. My only mood so far is just woke up. Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? Yeah. Because people in this damn house never knock. Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. The word ‘ariba.’ What is the worst thing someone could do to you emotionally? Break my trust. So simple but it packs a punch. What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Idk if I’ve ever been that aggressive. When I want to do something destructive towards someone I always end up asking what it would feel like if the action was done to me, and it’s always been enough to sway me away from doing the thing. How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? Sad. How about the last person (your last ex)? Same person. What is the best invention ever invented? Air conditioners.

What is something that needs to be invented? Portable air conditioners. What always makes you burp? My burps come randomly. What are you doing tomorrow? It’s my last weekend before my new job, soooooooo...I’ll be bumming around for my last two days of freedom.

[thesevillereport]

In Focus: GameStop

There may be no better feeling for a business owner than seeing a large demographic start to shift in your favor. For example, a company that specializes in faux fur or faux leather couches had to be excited when more of the society started to care about the treatment of animals and nature. Chipotle's market value increased as more Americans became health conscious, and began to question and analyze what they ate.

For video game companies the numbers started to look really really good in the early 2000s. At that time, a population of people who started playing video games on the Nintendo Entertainment System back in the 80s were beginning to graduate college and enter the "real world." A good portion of that generation, Generation X, still played video games, and now they were going to be able to financially support their own gaming habits. No more relying on mom and dad for games.

This was going to be a huge windfall of profits for gaming companies. My self for instance, by the mid 2000s, I could comfortably afford to purchase a few brand new games a month, and maybe more if I decided to cut back on something. Gaming companies were looking forward to this, and it's continued growth as more young adults stayed connected to gaming. GameStop (GME)

created a hiccup in the grand plan of the gaming companies by allowing gamers to buy and trade pre-owned games.

If you aren't aware of how it works, a customer walks into GameStop a week or two after a game is released, and asks for that game title, the GameStop employee by default sells them a pre-owned version of that game, unless the customer specifically requests a new game.

Through GameStop, brand new games were bought, played, and then sold back to GameStop. GameStop would then resell the game for a profit to another gamer, and the gaming companies only saw money from the first sale of their brand new game. To couple insult with injury, for game titles that were really in demand, GameStop would sell those used titles for only slightly less than the cost of a brand new copy.

GameStop circumvented billions of dollars from gaming manufacturers. Instead of someone like me buying two new games a month, I was often buying two used games a month, and only buying a new game when I was compelled to play a game right away, which wasn't often, because the real world left me with little time for gaming.

Operation Get Them The F*ck Out of Here

By the late 2000s and early 2010s the gaming companies had had enough of GameStop. As the Xbox One and PS4 were in the works, one of the issues both Microsoft (MSFT) and Sony (SNE) took on together was how to stop or slow the pre-owned game market.

The easy answer was to stop producing physical games, and instead just make everything digital. That ideal at the time would have mimicked the music industry, which had seen CDs all but disappear, but video games are much larger files than a full length Jay-Z album, and digital storage was getting cheaper, but it wasn't cheap at that time. Also, the internet infrastructure was still sketchy in many places around the world, and not everyone had access to high speed internet. A full game download over a bad internet connection could take hours to complete.

Microsoft flirted with an idea of a digital lock that would bound one game to one system, making it impossible for the game to be played on any other system after it was played on and matched to its host system.

Essentially, the GameStop problem was solved by gaming companies creating downloadable content or DLC. Now gaming companies sell to consumers what they say is a completed game, but then charges the consumer to make character upgrades or obtain tools that can make the game play easier or more fun. DLCs are purchased while playing the game, and have allowed game companies to get even more money out of consumers ($60 to purchase the game, and then more money spent on DLC), and it's caused gamers to keep games longer, because DLCs can extend the life of a game by adding difference levels and challenges, which again, the gamer has to pay for to access.

In addition to the DLC, the rise of smartphone gaming has been a thorn in the side of GameStop. Also, digital space is now the cheapest it's ever been, making digitally distributed games an option for gamers. Both Sony and Microsoft's newest consoles come in versions especially made for digitally distributed games. In these models, there is no CD drive to insert a physical game.

DLC, mobile gaming, and digitally distributed games together has been able severely hurt GameStop's stock price. In late 2013 the stock was trading above $55 per share, and it entered 2020 trading at under $6 per share, an 89% drop in a little over six years.

GameStop 2021

Today it appears GameStop's stock has gotten it's swagger back. The stock closed last week at $65.01, it even halted trading on Friday January 22, 2021 due to the volatility in the stock. Traders ran the stock up to as high as $77 per share on the day.

The GameStop's hype started last summer when Chewy (CHWY) co-founder Ryan Cohen's investment firm RC Ventures bought a 9% stake in GameStop. In the past week Cohen secured a board seat at GameStop, which played a big part in the week long rally in GameStop's stock.

Cohen helped build Chewy into a real player in the pet care space, which prompted PetSmart to acquire the company for over $3 billion. Investors are looking to Cohen to do it again, but this time with GameStop.

There's also a massive short squeeze that played out, that also contributed to the rocket-like rise in GameStop's stock price. The short squeeze occurred when investors who were short GameStop had to buy the stock to cover their positions as the stock price started increasing. The rapid buying of GME by short sellers to cut losses or prevent bigger losses helped to drive the stock price higher. A Barron's article suggests that GameStop short sellers have lost nearly $3 billion betting against the stock in 2021, ouch.

My Concern

My concern about the newfound love for GameStop centers around the company's problem, and what investors believe is GameStop's problem. Chewy has been applauded for its ability to survive against Amazon (AMZN)

(It's too early to say they've beaten Amazon). Because GameStop is considered a brick-and-mortar retailer, I believe investors see Amazon as the problem, which is understandable because Amazon is the problem for most brick-and-mortar retailers. Unfortunately, Amazon is not GameStop's biggest problem, and I say unfortunately because GameStop's problem is much bigger.

GameStop is disliked by the gaming industry. They're the partner none of the other partners care for. EA, Sony, Microsoft, Ubisoft, TakeTwo, Activision, they all win big with GameStop gone. With GameStop as we know it now gone, the plan I discussed earlier goes back into motion, and video game playing adults are back to buying new games all of the time, with a few going to eBay for pre-owned games. How does Cohen and his firm fix this issue?

Personally I'm out on this one, I'll watch it all play out from the sidelines. We won big shorting GameStop back in 2017, but I'm not ready to short it here. Investors should beware here at $65 per share. If you believe you see a solid pathway towards success for GameStop, and you believe that pathway leads to the company being worth more than $4 billion, then by all means, invest a way. To me, at this price level, it feels that the best possible plans for GameStop have already been incorporated into the stock price, not leaving much value to invest in at this time.

[writhingcreature]

The Entertainment's Here by AJR for Klaus Hargreeves.

So I've never heard this song, and I LOVE IT! Gonna take this lyrics by lyrics so bear with me as I hella jump around.

"But, oh my oh my God the entertainment's here. Everything is suddenly amazing here. Sit back man, relax man."

Okay so when I first heard this line, I thought he was talking about himself which is a good take so let me explore that first.

Klaus hates being serious. He deals with everythng by laughing and preteding there isn't a problem and getting drunk or high or both to block out the trauma and the weight or his power. He's the fun and the lightheartedness in a famly determined to be serious and lame. He probab;y was that kid that everyone got annoyed with constantly, like the whole "Beep beeo Richie" thing where they'd constantly tell him to shut up and roll their eyes. No one takes him seriously... which can actually be really hard to deal with. As time passed, it got harder and harder to stay happy so he began drowning himself in temporary fixes because he honestly believes that his whole family hates him and wouldn't even notice if he disappeared (which... kind of happened) and he's just the comedy relief. That's it.

Second take: the song obviously uses "the entertainment" as the drugs and alcohol, in the context of Klaus Hargreeves. To get a break from thinking and stressing and to finally let loose a little and relax and have a slightly better time, he ignores everything else and falls into the consuming, destructive familiarity of ignorance and dehabilitation, because if he's uncapable of doing anything, no one will ask him to take part in all the hardship and chaos and bad days.

Both hurt oh no my baby

"I used to be distracted by my favorite song. I loved it very much, I made the song my alarm. And now I kind of hate hearing it every morn' - Don't wake up anymore. I don't wanna be bored."

First of all, please imagine with me little Klaus boogying and everyone can't help but smile even after they get annoyed and the song is banned from the house. Even when he's just humming it or replaying it in his head, he's adorale and goofy and it's so refreshing, considering their usual life. Adorable and precious I love it.

But then like Reginald is a fucking dick and goes off on Klauss because he's stressed and what better way to get rid of stress than to burn it by abusing the kids put in his care am I right? (No I'm not right I just needed to clarify: I'm being sarcastic). And suddenly the song is totally ruined and everytime Klaus hears it it gives hi anxiety, even after his dad dies. He doesn't hum anymore, or play songs he likes out loud. He only wears headphones, whih is why he VIBES SO HARD int he first episode, but also why he does it alone. It's nice to be able to dance again, but he also deeply fears being annoying while doing so. Cue: solo dancing, even though he's used to places like clubs where everyone jams together.

"I used to be distracted rolling 'round in the dirt, but recently I'm thinking 'bout my purpose on Earth. But I don't wanna think about my purpose no more, because it may come up short. Man, I hate being bored. I've been thinking, that too much thinking can start me sinking down."

Oh my god Reginald having to round up Klaus and constantly going off about how he's dirtied his clothes. HC that he and Ben used to do a lot of exploring and adventuring and goofing around before Ben's accident, and it was like that scene from those old movies where the old caretaker would go off about how the young girl played with the boys and got her dress dirty and THAT'S NOT HOW LADIES ACT POLYANNA except Klaus is trying desperately not to laugh.

After Ben passed, Klaus didn't go exploring anymore. Reginald was relieved to see that his lothes were always clean and pressed- dirt and wrinkle free. After Ben died, Klaus spends his time instead wondering if he'll be there for all his siblings' deaths. What his own death will be like. What will happen to Ben if he ever died. What the purpose of his power is if all he does with it is try to turn it off. Imagine him trying to get rid of Ben, and the pain it puts them both through as he screams and cries and begs Ben to disappear but neither boy can get rid of the other, because for some reason they're tied together now.

"You don't even gotta use your brain from here. Just sit back man, relax man."

Oh so um after Dave dies... Klaus spends an unhalthy amount of time thinking about what life would have been like if they'd managed to survive the war and live their lives together, or if Klaus could have somehow figured out a way to bring Dave back safetly to Klaus' time.

He wonders what their house would have been like. What kids they might have adopted, or pets they would have had. What it would have been like to wake up next to Dave in bed as the sun came through the window and Dave's hair is all messy and soft and his arms are curled around Klaus and his face is kind of squished but in this really adorable way. He thinks about maiing meals together, or kissing each other goodbye quickly as they head off to their respective jobs. He thinks about telling Dave about his power and them learning how Klaus can cope with it in a healthy way. He thinks about those times he woke up from nightmares, and wondered what it would have been like to have Dave be there to comfort him. To have Dave to talk to. He wonders if Dave would go exploring with him again like Ben used to. He wonders what the others would have thought about Dave. He wonders how Dave would have gotten along with his family, and Klaus with Dave's. He wonders how much easier the battle of life would have been with someone to fight it by his side...

And then he has to stop thinking because it's just too much.

"I used to be distracted by my burgers and shakes. I'm running out of things that I can do with my day 'cause I can only eat so many times in a day til I'm bored again, and I'm stuck in my brain. You wonder what they did before inventing the phone. Yeah, how could anybody face the quiet alone?"

Okay so you know that diner Five goes to when he first comes back? The one where he fights the dudes and it's to Instnbul and it's like the coolest fucking thing ever? I super HC that they used to go to it together when they were kids. Grace would take them, and it was like a clip from that 80's movie, where people would gawk because oh my god it's the Hargreeves but also no one would interrupt them for the most part because they looked so happy. Sometimes they'd take the food home and have a little party in the kitchen to avoid fans completely, and that's the only time the Hargreeves house was ever full of laughter. Reginald would be gone or too busy to waste time rangling in kids, and it was pure fun and happiness and teasin and joking around.

Then Five disappeared.

Then Ben died.

There wasn't much laughter after that.

"I'd rather be in Vegas than my very own home. Yeah, my cash will be gone, but my mind will be blown"

This is... very straight forward. Yeah imma stop there oof very bad feelings. Fuck Reginald Hargreeves those kids deserves so much better jesus christ

[suplex51]

Santa (Destroyer) on the Rooftop

December 1st, 2019

Five feet of snow. Five feet of winter’s white powder, blanketing the entirety of Spirale city in a matter of hours. Beautiful at first, second, or even third glance- a sight unlike anything Travis had seen before, having grown up in a desert-straddling town where legit snowstorms were a ‘once in a hundred years’ sort of thing. It really was one hell of a way to officially ring in the Christmas season.

Just one problem. 

Friendly reminders that Rosa Cervantes’s part-Pokemon biology made not-so-long-term exposure to the sheer cold a certain-death sentence... and “the entirety of Spirale city” just so happened to include our favorite(?) couple’s penthouse rooftop… A.K.A. the place with the heater and hot tub.

The snow was a threat, and threats had to be eliminated with extreme prejudice.

At least, that was the logic Travis used to bypass Rosa’s initial concerns and common sense. That was the reason Travis stood at the top of the stairs, with a shovel firmly grasped and a hand inching towards the doorknob, ready to face the storm.

Deep down, he knew this was a recipe for disaster… but when had that ever stopped Travis before? 

“... This is gonna suck, isn’t it?” 

Cue the montage music.

------------------ 

Cue the immediate avalanche slamming into Travis the moment he opened the door, sending him tumbling down a flight, head-over-heels in just... the most outrageously brutal and unfortunate way. We’re talking Travis somehow landing the back of his neck multiple times, before finally coming to a motionless stop, face-down in the slush. 

“Honey?!” Rosa called out from downstairs. “You-” 

“Yup!” Travis replied, muffled though he was. “Totally fine! I got this!” 

He didn’t have this. 

------------------ 

Cue the otaku assassin hard at work, clearing off the roof. Super strength certainly made the job easier, allowing Travis to scoop up huge clumps of snow and toss them away in a single fluid motion. Yup, just send massive mounds of frozen water falling from 80 stories up. Perfect plan. 

Travis didn’t rethink his approach until the car alarms started blaring at street-level and he looked over the railing to investigate... before promptly gulping and slooowly backing away. 

Hey, at least no one got hurt! 

... No one important. 

------------------ 

Cue Travis standing over the hot tub. 

“...” 

The hot tub that was still running smoothly, because apparently (as Travis would later Google), it took 36-plus hours of sub-freezing temperatures for a hot tub to, well, start freezing. 

“...” 

In other words, Travis needed not suffer any slapstick while trying to fix what wasn’t broken! 

“Woo!” 

------------------ 

Cue Travis biting his hand to keep from screaming, as he pulled out the icicle that’d somehow gotten lodged in his leg, spraying blood all over like a fire hose—

------------------ 

Cue Travis wiping his sweaty, shivering brow- ten minutes into his labor, and the grim work was finally nearing completion. The hot tub was covered up in a protective tarp. The snow had been piled up into neat little corners, the hot tub covered by a protective tarp, and the heater was roaring to life. Taking a good look around, Travis could see most of the roof, again! Sure, the ground was covered in a sheet of ice, but all that needed was a good smashing, and— 

Maybe it’d been pure Christmas magic gone rogue. Maybe it’d been karma, dished out by Jack Frost for all the earlier property damage. Whatever it was, it took the form of a sudden burst of winter winds, hard enough to send Travis forward...

Skidding and slipping uncontrollably on the ice... 

Careening towards the rooftop railing... 

Flailing his arms around to no avail... 

Sighing, as he eventually accepted his fate. 

“More like FUCKING CURSED IT—!” 

----------------- 

Rosa had felt bad, letting Travis face the cold for her sake. But ‘sweet-and-stubborn’ may well have been her boyfriend’s M.O., and it wasn’t like she could’ve gone out to help him. So... Rosa was forced to wait. It was fine, she’d told herself. She’d repay Travis and then some, the moment he came down those stairs. 

Or once he stumbled in through the front door all blue, bloodied and bruised, reassuring Rosa, “D-don’t worry, honey, the p-pavement broke my fall.” 

“... More like you broke the pavement, right?” 

“Y-Yeah...” 

The landshark sighed, quickly getting up and to work. “C’mon- you’ve done enough for now. I don’t wanna see you slipping and sliding out there, anymore. Pop a painkiller and we’ll get you cleaned up. I put some blankets in the dryer— we can get them out right after.” 

She didn’t even need to look in order to feel Travis staring down her back with stars in his eyes— probably thinking something along the lines of how lucky he was to have her... 

As if it wasn’t the other way around. 

“S-sounds like a date. I’ll see if we can’t find a sh-shitty holiday flick.” 

“Maybe one of those old cartoon specials. I’ll even get the fire going.” 

“You’re the b-best, babe.” 

One hour later, after much cuddling and fussing and loving... 

“... Told you we could’ve just hired someone.” 

“I take it back.” 

[fugandhi]

What Ska Means & Why It Matters

‘What Ska Means & Why It Matters’ (A Film Review) by Adam Wękarski

I recently went to check out a brand new documentary called “Pick It Up! Ska in The ‘90s” at the local Enzian Theater (literally the only showing I think I saw in the central Florida area). For anyone who was alive in America in the 1990s - you may or may not be familiar with the incredibly energetic and upbeat explosion of Ska music in the 1990s. The “Third Wave of Ska” had officially arrived in the U.S.A. thanks to a lot of younger people having grown up listening to all of the previous (and totally awesome) acts of the second wave of Ska (up in the U.K.) and of course the original wave of Ska in Jamaica back in the 1960s (and then forming their own bands with the ‘90s vibe and flavor of the time).

This documentary goes well into detail over many aspects of the first & second waves of ska (aptly narrated by Tim Armstrong of Operation Ivy & Rancid notoriety). For anyone who loves (or has loved) Ska music - this documentary is for you! I speak as someone who very happily (and very thankfully) had got to experience the Ska movement of the ‘90s (which absolutely without-a-doubt helped shape me into the person I have become today), and without the third wave of Ska music I wouldn’t be playing music. Having said that, it must be mentioned that this documentary is a smorgasbord of all of the big players in the Ska scene (throughout all generations of ska) and is a real reward for any devoted lovers of Ska music.

This documentary has a very informative take on Ska music (which honors the style of music) and a wonderfully-animated historical story or two of Jamaican Rude Boys crashing Ska shows in the ‘60s and English Skinheads in the ‘80s adopting Jamaican attitude through style and expression (in addition to a ton of other stories from first-hand accounts). The documentary also has the best sense of humor exuded through every person on screen who gets that Ska music is kind of a butt-of-a-joke to a lot of people who listen to other styles of music. The unfortunate reality is that Ska did have a rise and a fall in the mainstream due to the eventual lack of interest and appeal (and in my own humble opinion: especially after “9/11” - after that happened, everyone got really angry & miserable and the music industry bought into that and kept feeding that negativity).

When Ska was at it’s height in the ‘90s, it was indeed everywhere and everyone had at least heard a Ska band on the radio or had known what Ska music was (due to the rising popularity of the genre). I truly enjoy how the documentary does show all of the people who made the Ska scene happen in the ‘90s, and who brought SO MUCH INFLUENCE to people like me (I was also TOTALLY in my band program in school and felt like Ska music gave people like me a CHANCE - Band Kids Unite! Hahaha). It was truly refreshing seeing a ton of photos and video footage of all of those bands, and then having everyone pretty much “sit around the campfire” so-to-speak to talk about how their experiences were being a part of that movement in music. The positive atmosphere cultivated due to the most energetic and dance-friendly (and jump friendly) bands with the raddest shows had never really happened in such a manner before (with exception of The Specials and The English Beat and the like during the second wave) - at least certainly not in USA.

The somewhat bizarre and unorthodox nature of the musical instrumentation of Ska bands even gets discussed in this totally excellent documentary. All of the borderline awkwardness of Ska music and how it’s basically the ultimate party music (while at the same time being a party for dorky, dweeby, unwanted, unnoticed group of people who really love to have a good time despite going through ups and downs in life just like everybody else). I think that it’s also very commendable that YES Ska music has values and convictions (i.e. Ska Against Racism), and something I always noticed and appreciated was how so many Ska bands had a variety and DIVERSITY of people on stage. You’ll see all people come together unlike any other style of music - and it’s all good - there’s no isolation or hatred when the party is on - people in the ska scene “have arrived” in terms of understanding one another. This is a genre for the enlightened.

Ska music is the one place where you can find unity & fun and a lot of people with really awesome styles or outlooks. The genre itself is full of a unique variety of bands and people who have been around for a long time and typically know a great deal of the in’s and out’s of Ska. ALL of the AWESOME bands of the Ska scene are featured in this documentary: Operation Ivy, Sublime, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Reel Big Fish, Save Ferris, The Aquabats!, Less Than Jake, No Doubt, Chris Murray, Hepcat, The Slackers, Skankin’ Pickle, Rx Bandits, The Hippos, Buck-O-Nine, Mad Caddies, Voodoo Glow Skulls, Five Iron Frenzy, Dance Hall Crashers, Rancid, Goldfinger, Mustard Plug, The Suicide Machines, Big D and The Kids Table, The Pietasters, Mephiskapheles, The Toasters, Spring Heeled Jack, Fishbone, The Selecter, The Wailers, The Skatalites, Madness, The Specials, Oingo Boingo, Pilfers, Bim Skala Bim, Kemuri, Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra, Catch 22, Streetlight Manifesto, Bomb The Music Industry! (and plenty more! - Seriously).

Watching ‘Pick It Up!’ truly brings out the overall sense of a person who listens to Ska (as well as dabbles a bit with a hilarious remote done with Scott Klopfenstein asking people on the street if they know Ska music - SO Funny!). This documentary has an undying sense of humor (and sense of heart) throughout telling the entire story of Ska in the ‘90s - especially when learning about how these people were working day-jobs prior to their break-out in their respective bands. It was fascinating watching that human story behind the show and understanding a bit better the effort that was put in behind the scenes while these bands were getting rejection letters from record labels that didn’t believe in their sound (despite the success of those of whom had kept going strong through the years to keep the Ska sound alive & well).

“Pick It Up! Ska in The ‘90s” does go over a lot, and pretty much covers all you need to know to become a true Ska scene aficionado (if you haven’t lived like all of us who have been to a sh!t ton of Ska shows since way back when).

There are, however, a few things that I did notice weren’t necessarily covered: 1) The term “Ska” originates from the sound of the guitar having that upstroke “scratch” sound on the “off-beat” in a measure of music (as opposed to the downbeat) - hence, “uhn-ska, uhn-ska” which did indeed originate in Jamaica in the 1960s. 2) Ska music is correctly described as “fast reggae”, and “The Godfather of Reggae” - but it must be mentioned that the reason why Reggae birthed from Ska music is due to the Jamaican weather of the late ‘60s. As it’s said, there was an overwhelming heat wave in Kingston, Jamaica during “The Orange Street Sound” around ’68-’69 which wore down the dance halls so they would begin jamming a bit slower and a bit easier and smoother - thus the Reggae boom in the 1970s. 3) The real reason why the Ska scene dissipated and eventually dissolved (as far as “mainstream” styles go) was primarily due to big business getting involved and trying to make all of the Ska (and Ska/Punk) bands basically become the same carbon-copy acts that were already “industry standards” or “successful acts”. 

So, there were Ska bands that did drop their horns (which was lightly gone over in the documentary) due to either economy, or not wanting to sound like Ska anymore, or just simply transforming their sound. There were some bands that completely sold out - and then there are other bands that stayed true and have kept Ska music and the dance scene FUN & AWESOME this entire time and never gave up in the true power of music and the possibilities that come with creativity, fun, and optimism through adversity (coughcoughREELBIGFISHcoughcough).

Aside from all of the fun facts, familiar faces, and excellent music throughout the entire documentary - there is a moment when the documentary goes into the heart & soul of the sound of Ska music and how it provided such an important & positive outlet and release for people (of all types) who would simply put on a good Ska band or album or song to replace any sense or feeling of sadness, frustration, anger, loneliness, or problems and by the end of the experience can have a form of newfound happiness or refreshed outlook. There was actually a moment when viewing the documentary (at least in my own humble opinion) where I could completely and whole-heartedly relate to the underlying message of Ska bands and Ska Music and what it means to people now who experienced it (and still push for the scene to thrive to this very day).

I still believe it can literally save lives. Ska music saved my life and I know that if it wasn’t for all of the people who have been working hard through the years to perform their hearts out - I wouldn’t have worked so hard in my own life to keep fighting for my dreams, and, in a greater picture - keep working towards more unity, fun, and good times in the world around me - because that’s what Ska is really about at the end of the day. I never thought Ska was a joke (despite how humorous the style can be) - I always knew Ska was a really big deal and it’s still the best style of music (in my own opinion) and I still think the music industry has failed music-lovers and music-listeners by not developing more of an open mind to Ska music (which is the only style of music that can use all styles of music to express itself amidst the traditional formula of the genre). It’s literally the most interesting music to experience (melodically, lyrically, rhythmically).

Despite the reality of Ska music and the judgmental stigma towards the genre - there are still a ton of people in the world who believe in having Ska music and Ska bands and Ska shows. There’s a reason why people love Ska music and there is a totally awesome reason why Ska will never die - because it’s THE MOST FUN STYLE OF MUSIC EVER! I have always been proud and fearless with my admiration for Ska music and Ska bands and people who still believe in having a really good time and sweatin’ our asses off dancin’ at shows and singin’ along to the party. There is no other style of music like it - it’s completely unique & completely awesome. It’s not for everybody, and that’s all good because the people that “get it” will always sing along and dance their hearts out - I know I will!

I give “Pick It Up! Ska in The ‘90s” a Perfect 10 out of 10. It is the best music documentary I have seen. This documentary does for the ‘90s what “American Hardcore” did for the ‘80s. 

This is the Perfect Documentary for any fan of Ska.

“...Take me back to my happy land, take me back to my happy land, take me back to my happy land, take me back to my happy land...” ~The Aquabats!

[donqwxx]

Takeaways from JC and A’Levels

Hello! I am from Singapore and I just completed my GCE A’Levels. It was a tough ride and these are just some things I would like to share with students who are going through junior college (JC) or a similar education journey. No doubt Tumblr has a strong ‘studyblr’ community, but I realised that many A’levels related posts are generally from the UK, which may not always be applicable for JC kids. These are some things I wished I had someone tell me when I was going through JC and I really hope that you can relate to something from this and feel less alone in your journey! 

1   Get a routine  

I was never a planner and I always work on tasks based on its priority and my mood. But over the course of preparing for A’levels, I found it very helpful to establish a set routine every day, especially during the months leading up to A’levels after graduation. Routines are basically a series of regularly followed actions and I find that it helps me to feel in control of my time, and to power through the day and stay motivated. My routine consisted of me waking up at a fixed timing of 7am every day, doing simple workouts for 30 minutes, having my breakfast and a shower before starting my revision at about 9am. This morning routine became a ritual for me and made it easier to motivate myself to sit at my desk and get work done instead of falling into the temptation of lazing on my bed for 30 minutes more. Find what works for you and once you instill the self-discipline to keep it going for the first few weeks, it will eventually become much easier to stick to it eventually.

2   Don’t lose momentum!!  

I believe that A’levels is similar to a marathon. Once you stop, it’s easy to lose your momentum and eventually your gears will turn rusty. In the months leading up to the A’levels, I had shifted my focus onto the subjects that I was weaker in and I paid less attention to Geography, which I felt I had generally mastered both the content and skills. And naturally, during the A’levels itself, I also spent more time on the subjects that were more imminent and neglected Geography, which was my last paper. Although I made sure to do at least 1 practice paper per week, I found myself unfamiliar with the content and trying to cram the heavy content in a few days was just too late. I felt that I underperformed for the paper as the content felt somewhat foreign to me, which was disappointing as I had worked so hard to master it before. Thus, it is extremely important to not neglect any of your subjects. Time is indeed tight, but it is important to continue to look through and revise the content of the subject regularly, no matter how confident you are in it. This is really important to not only keep your momentum but also boost your confidence for the paper! During our mock exams, my teacher told us that from our essays he could tell that some of us were losing our momentum already. This really shows how a loss in momentum can really show in your writing in the form of a lack of rigor, which highlights the importance of constantly revising and going through all of your subjects. I am not saying to not focus on the subjects you are weak in but to also make sure not to neglect any, even if it means just half an hour flipping through a particular set of notes. It is a difficult balancing act but try your best to do balance all your subjects and I believe it would really ensure you are at your best during the A’levels.

3   Don’t compare

I think this is the number 1 problem for many JC students, whether it is when we compare our grades or the opportunities we are awarded against our peers. In the fast-paced, competitive system, it is inevitable that we sometimes get trapped in these bouts of anxiousness that everyone seems to be doing so much better than we are. I clearly remember my first few Geography lectures and tutorials where I would just come out feeling so lost with so many question marks in my head and sometimes I would just burst into tears thinking that everyone else is coping so well and understanding everything while I did not pick up anything at all. However, with time, I realised that most of the time, whatever we tell ourselves in our heads is often more exaggerated and extreme than reality. You are definitely not the only one struggling and lagging behind, and most of the time, it’s just that people do not show their struggles on their faces. By comparing yourself with someone else, you are equating someone else’s strengths with your own weakness and obviously, that is not a fair comparison. Acknowledge your strengths and the efforts you are taking to improve yourself. A quote that personally helped to frame my mindset is this: “My best, my 100% might be someone else’s 80%... or 60%... or 40% but it’s my best and it’s good enough. And that’s what matters.” Getting caught in a never-ending race of trying to outbid others will only cause you to lose sight of what is truly important to you and who you are. This was something I had learnt the hard way as I lost much of my self-esteem because I just felt that I was never good enough. But the truth is, none of us are and as long as we strive to grow each day to become better, it’s enough. You are enough.

4   Be kind to yourself, give yourself the rightful credit

This is never easy to do and I struggled with this for many years and I am still trying to become better at it. Every single human being makes mistakes, including you. Don’t beat yourself over an answer that you could have written better or that careless mistake you made during a math paper. Yes, you screwed up but so what? Don’t discount all the times when you persevered and spent hours trying to understand that particular topic. Failure is not always a bad thing. Think about it, it is because of all the times when you fell that you picked yourself up and became stronger. Failing is an unavoidable experience of growth, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t equate taking responsibility to taking the blame for everything. Many times when something goes wrong, I always tend to take the blame even when it is not my fault or something that I can control, and most of the time, I do not even recognise this. This made me learn that overly-blaming yourself will only continue to hurt your confidence. Recognise that some things are out of your control and that not every outcome is because of something you said or did. Some decisions are primarily the responsibility of others. Be mindful of what constitutes your responsibilities. Part of attaining self-love is learning to set your own personal boundaries and making it clear to the people you love about these lines. One such personal boundary that I drew was to set aside the time I take to travel on public transport to and fro school as a time for myself to reflect and be alone. However, unlike all my previous failed attempts at self-care, this time I learnt to speak up and to let my friends know of this personal boundary of mine so that they respect it and do not cross the boundary. This helped to boost my self-respect and confidence greatly as I learnt to mark my own boundaries and convey it to others. 

5   Burn-outs

Burnouts occur in different periods of time for different people. I experienced my first burnout in my 2nd year of JC and it happened at a time when I was overwhelmed by my commitments in extra-curricular activities and my academics and I also fell into the trap of comparing myself to others. I felt sleepy all the time, I did not want to get up and the thought of giving up was a constant in my mind. It was a very trying time for me as I felt the need to have to go on with my everyday life as if nothing was happening. However, it is important to recognise that it is a way your body is alerting you that you are exhausted. Listen to your body, do not force yourself to “snap out of it” or feel guilty about not being as productive. Burnouts reflect a state of our mental health, and it takes time to recover from one. Many of my friends, including myself, started to burn out in the second to the third week of A’levels as well. The exams stretch for 1 whole month and there are hardly any breaks after the mid-year exams as you engage in a cycle of constant revision, prelim exams and finally the A’levels. Hence, I can’t stress the importance of pacing yourself enough. Make it a priority to schedule breaks and to allow yourself to rest. For example, if you find yourself less productive at night, stop work at 9 and just do whatever you want till your bedtime. I made it a point to sleep at least 7 hours every night leading up to A’levels. Not only did it helped to regulate my stress, but it also allowed me to be more awake and productive during the day! Many people feel guilty for sleeping early because their friends burn the midnight oil or because they tell themselves they have to make better use of the time. But I strongly believe that everybody works differently. Find out what sleep schedule works for you and stick to it. After all, you are the one who is accountable for yourself, not them. Other than plenty of rest, what helped me out of my burn out was reading and listening to other people’s stories. These 3 sources really helped me to feel less alone in my stuggle: 1, 2, 3.  It is also important to discover the cause of your burnout as this can help you to tackle the problem at its root. Take time off school if you need to and reflect on the stressors in your life. Engage in activities that you enjoy and give yourself time to recover. Don’t suffer alone, talk to others about it. It is okay to ask for help, you don’t have to do everything alone. I had decided to talk to my family members about it and contrary to what I expected, I received heartfelt advice from my siblings who had gone through similar experiences before. Talk to someone who you are comfortable with about your feelings. It can be daunting but sometimes, it enables to open your heart and mind and discover perspectives you have never seen before. Recovering from burnout can take a very long time and it is normal. Don’t push yourself to feel 100% every single day, listen to your emotions and prioritise yourself. Afterall, your health is the most important. 

6   Actively reach out to your support system

One of my biggest regrets in JC was failing to recognise that I could ask for help. I was always hard on myself and I felt that at 18, I had to be independent and mature and do everything alone. I shamed myself when I asked for help. When I was on the verge to talk to someone about my problems, I was always held back by the thought that I would be a burden to my friends or family, especially since they are having their own struggles as well. I felt like I would just be adding on to their problems and no one would be genuinely interested in what I had to say. This made me feel unimportant and lonely. It was as if I was in a dark pit alone with no way out. As if my screams were in a different frequency that cannot be heard by anyone else. However, my sister taught me that there would always be people willing to listen to me and to be there for me. It was difficult for me to believe it at first, but once I started to open myself up to others and allowed them to be there for me and enter my life, I felt so much more secure and loved. I learnt that the person who is responsible for building my own support system is no other than myself. Nobody can read my mind. If I do not express my thoughts, how do I expect others to be there for me? That said, not everyone here reading this post may be good at expressing their feelings. However, talking is merely just one of those ways. Find your way to let your family or friends know that you need their support and company. This could be certain physical cues or even through writing. I can comfortably say that JC was one of the loneliest periods in my life. It can sometimes feel that the world is revolving regardless of how you are doing and you are trapped in so much action around you but you have so little involvement in them. Therefore, I cannot stress how important it is to establish a support system for yourself, no matter if you are someone who needs a lot of affirmations or not. Be proactive in searching for people to support you in your journey and likewise, be there for them when they need you. 

7   Forgive yourself and move on

After my economics paper 1, I felt extremely dejected because I did not perform as well as I wanted to. My time management was poor and there were questions that I did not understand. I was disappointed and angry with myself. I blamed myself as I felt that all the efforts that I had put in in the past 1.5 years would just go down the drain. I cried for an entire afternoon and I was so disheartened to the point where I just wanted to give up and not take the other papers. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that there is no point in crying over spilt milk and to let it go. My point is, it is okay to feel sad, angry or whatever emotions you have, but it is important to let it go. Sometimes, emotions are just chains locking people down, and dwelling in them only makes one feel worse. I had allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and to wish that I had done better. But these are things I cannot change. Regardless of the outcome, if you had done your best in that instant, you did well and you deserve to tell yourself that. Yes, you made some mistakes but so what? Despite it not being able to fulfill your expectations, your best is all you can do, no one can do more than that. My teacher had said this once: “Never indulge in your feelings, be it emotions of joy or sadness. We feel, pack it up, remember and move forward. Don’t live in past glories and don’t live in past regrets.” Give yourself some time to internalise your emotions and organise them. Acknowledge your efforts and forgive yourself. Move on, allow yourself to breathe. I once watched a video and an analogy that they used has since been held close in my heart. It said a rocket has many little fuel tanks that it carries with it that brings it to the sky. But once it is in the sky, it has to drop it all so that it can continue with its journey. Likewise, this applies to the bad things that happen in our lives. It spurs you on and helps you grow and then you just need to let them go so that you can move further. 

8   Your life is not just about studying.

Your life is more than just those notes and exams, there are so many opportunities awaiting you and so many meaningful things around you. While our main responsibility as students is to study hard, it is important to find life out of the books. I read an article recently and it puts my point across very nicely: “Our education system is built on the idea of merit, so people ... equate merit with performance in exams”. We allow our academic performance to influence how we feel about ourselves, our sense of self-worth and confidence. It is important to find your worth outside of the affirmations of others when you do well academically, or else it is easy to fall into the belief that you are nothing but a grade-making machine. After my A’levels ended, I felt a low in my life as I had dedicated so much of my life to studying that I lost my purpose and I felt worthless because I was no longer being “productive”. I forgot how to enjoy myself and to have fun, and this made me realise that I had indeed lost myself in trying to meet my own expectations academically. I cooped myself at home for months and the only time I left the house was to the library or school to study. Make it a point to engage in your hobbies, do not put it off just because you feel that it is a waste of time or that you feel pressured to study. It is difficult to see it now because you might be caught in the frenzy of studying, but when you look from a wider perspective, your academic journey is only such a small part of your life. There are more permanent things that you carry throughout your life, like your relationships with people, social skills that will continue to shape you as a person. Dedicate time for these important things and I can assure you that you will not regret it.

9   Find joy in learning

At some point in JC, I found that I lost my joy for learning and I was instead trying to memorise all the information in my head without trying to understand it. I was only studying just for the exams rather than to develop my critical thinking skills and my knowledge. Studying got very painful and I lost interest in many of my subjects, even those that I liked initially. When I realised this problem in the middle of JC2, I made it a point to relook at all of my study material and to slowly go through everything to try to genuinely understand them. It took a long time but this helped to spark my interest again as the content was no longer as dry as before. Blind memorisation may seem to be a shortcut and an effective way to ace the exams, but for me, I found it difficult to apply any of the concepts as I did not know how to adapt them to the questions. There is a difference between learning and studying. Be mindful to sieve out whether you are learning or purely just doing it for the exams.

10   Tough times will pass

For me, the JC experience was so tough that it is indescribable in words. The best way I can put my experience is that it is like a rollercoaster ride, except that everything is perpetually going downhill. Of course, there have been good days, but there has been a fair share of difficult days. It is extremely demanding to have to learn this giant chunk of content in only 1.5 years and the commitment for extra-curricular activities will undeniably drain you. It may be unbearable at times and you might feel that you want to give up. I have also gone through these moments in my life but I can confidently tell you that you are stronger than you believe and you will overcome them. Think about all the times when you felt so small and vulnerable, but in the end, you managed to get through them and now the painful experience is only just a speck of your memory and it no longer hurts you as much as before. Likewise, you will be able to overcome whatever struggles that come in your way. I read the book ‘The Last Lecture’ and there was a line that said “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” All the struggles and heartaches will only bring you closer to your dreams. It will teach you lessons, grow you to become stronger and equip you with more wisdom to tackle other challenges in the future. This was a song that comforted me through many of my bad days and I hope it can also bring you some strength to continue to push on: https://youtu.be/4KdUGnowXS0 You will be okay, this soon shall pass. The storms may be tough but the sun will shine again. It will get better! Don’t give up!

While you are caught in your endless to-do list, never forget you are human. I mean these 3 things- resting, making mistakes and feeling. Make time for play and rest, for development. As we grow up, there will be new emotions we would be experiencing for the first time. These eventually will make up who we are as a person which we will carry throughout our lives, so invest time into these things as well.

I know how tough JC is. You may feel that you will never see the end of the tunnel but as long as you are taking small, new steps every single day, you’ll make it. Take challenges, fight. Even if you get beaten up, live your life how you want okay? This is our youth and we will only live it once. Leave no regrets and chase your dreams! Lastly, let me leave a youtube video from one of the artists I admire very much, there were many meaningful messages I got out of the interview and I hope you will too! 

Thank you for reading this, no matter whether you are studying in JC or not, I hope this has been helpful! Hang on and your hard work will pay off! Believe in yourself!