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auroralix · 9 months

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✩ fairly odd christmas - part 2 ✩

read parts one and three here!

pairing: chanlix. this is still chanlix. this will always be chanlix.

summary: single and lonely on christmas, felix makes an offhand wish to have someone to love. the man who appears in his kitchen the next morning to make that wish come true is the last thing he expects.

song: fictional ~ khloe rose

this section’s word count: 5.6k

warnings: i don’t think there are many ?? ummmm the boys(tm) are in love so if you’re homophobic gtfo, the tiniest bit of angst if you squint bc felix is insecure, also felix is still thirsty he’d like some water pls

small a/n: part two! i highly recommend reading part one before this as this will make more sense. i have part one linked above (: also i’m still in the process of editing this, which i’m going to focus on once all parts are written and posted

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The next several days passed without much excitement, much to Felix’s relief. The time consisted of both Chan and Felix learning to love with each other and become more comfortable in their shared space.

Felix took an extra day off work to help Chan settle in more before having to return and leave the spirit at home. He felt horrible the day after when he had to leave Chan and go back to work, but he knew it was for the best.

During the day, Felix went to work and sat at a desk and dreamed about clocking out and going home to the man waiting for him. He was mildly embarrassed to admit just how quickly Chan had worked his way into Felix’s heart, but the damage was done, there was no going back to how he was before.

Chan was the sweetest person Felix had ever met, he was convinced of it. Yes, he hadn’t known the other very long at all but there was no way anyone else could even compete. All of Felix’s past loves were shadows in comparison to the beacon of light that found himself in the center of Felix’s life.

With anyone else, he would’ve been scared he was moving too fast and getting himself in too deep. He and Chan had spoken about it, made it clear from their first day together that Chan was there to fill Felix’s lovesick heart the way he craved so intensely. And he had, he was there when Felix woke up, came home from work and went to sleep.

That wasn’t to say he catered himself completely to Felix’s every desire. He had his own little quirks that endeared him to Felix even more, one of those being his ability to Christmas-ify any and every room he walked into on a whim.

Felix couldn’t believe his eyes his first day home from work to see his apartment decked out in Christmas decor. Little baubles had been placed here and there and paper garlands were strung across the apartment. His sad little Christmas tree he’d put up in the corner had been completely transformed into a glowing masterpiece, just the same as the sad little tree in “A Charlie Brown Christmas” had been. And to top it all off, the whole apartment smelled like fresh cookies.

Felix didn’t know if spirits were allowed to marry, but if they were, he would’ve proposed on the spot.

His apartment had never felt quite as much like a home as it did once Chan aggressively redecorated, making the apartment look like a scene straight out of a cheesy Christmas movie. It was a bit overboard, but Felix didn’t have the heart to say so when he saw the utterly joyful expression coloring Chan’s face.

Christmas was his favorite time of year but he hadn’t properly celebrated Christmas in too long. The most he’d done was put up a tree and maybe some lights on his apartment balcony as he had been by himself every Christmas since college. He was grateful for Chan coming in and springboarding him right into the Christmas spirit.

Although the two of them were spending lots of time together outside of Felix’s work, their relationship hadn’t progressed farther than cuddling while watching a movie or falling asleep. They had time and while Felix was more than happy to let his inner monologue go crazy over Chan, he didn’t want to jump into anything more physical until they’d been on a few dates at least.

One of those dates Felix had been planning for some time, or at least a couple hours while he was supposed to be working.

Chan had a penchant for cookie baking that nearly put Felix’s brownie skills to shame; he’d made large batches of the tasty treats in three different variations since arriving in Felix’s kitchen almost a week ago. And while Felix figured a lot of people would get tired of the baked goods constantly covering his counters in different little tins Chan found, he was not one of those people. Felix had a notorious sweet tooth that could rival that of a five year old’s so he wasn’t complaining by any means.

It had sparked an idea for their first official date, a metaphorical bulb lighting up above Felix’s head when the thought popped into his brain. An ad had popped up while scrolling through TikTok for a shop where people could decorate their own Christmas cookies. As soon as he saw it, he knew it was the perfect place to bring Chan.

He made a reservation for the next night, barely able to contain his excitement and stop himself from spoiling the surprise to Chan when he got home.

“Someone’s happy,” Chan commented when Felix came home hours later. He was in the kitchen, absentmindedly stirring something on the stove and the smell immediately made Felix’s stomach grumble in interest.

Felix hummed, nodding and making his way over to Chan so he could peek over his shoulder at the pan on the stove.

“How’d you know?”

Chan gave Felix a dimply smile before shrugging. “It’s just one of those things.”

“You say that, but I have the feeling it’s another one of your little powers you haven’t mentioned yet.”

Chan just shrugged again, smile still on his face as he looked back to the pot of pasta on the stove. “It might be, you never know.”

Felix groaned and shook his head. “Why can’t you just tell me?”

“Where’d the fun be in that?” Chan giggled, wiggling his hips slightly in a way that made him look like more an excited, oversized puppy than the powerful spirit he was.

And if Felix’s heart didn’t skip a beat or three at the sight.

“Okay, fine, don’t tell me. You’re lucky you’re cute,” Felix grumbled quietly, hardly realizing the words that were leaving his mouth before they tumbled out.

Moments later, a soft squeaking noise came from Chan’s general direction as he tried not to choke on his own spit.

“Y-You… you think I’m cute?” Chan’s words were hushed, his tone disbelieving.

Felix felt his brain stop for a second as it caught up with his words before nodding quickly, unable to help the adoring little smile growing on his face. “I- I, um, yeah, I really do.”

Chan’s own shy smile mirrored Felix’s, his face flushing a bright shade of pink as he looked back at the pot of pasta. “I- uh, o-oh wow, would you look at that, the food’s done. Do- do you want a bowl?”

Felix nodded once again and went to retrieve two bowls for Chan and himself. He chose to ignore Chan’s blatant subject change after being complimented for the time being. Instead, he decided to bring it up later when the other didn’t seem quite so flustered and was less likely to burn himself on the hot surfaces he was surrounded by.

Chan hurried through serving Felix and then himself, keeping his head ducked to try and hide his reddened face the whole time. He offered Felix an awkward, sheepish giggle, waddling into the other room without another word.

Felix shook his head and followed Chan into the other room, fond smile dancing on his lips as he looked after the other. He settled down on the couch next to Chan, not at all thinking about the way their knees lightly rested against each other as he pushed the pasta around in his bowl.

“So, um, I was thinking we could go out tomorrow night,” he began after a moment. “One of my days off from work is tomorrow and we haven’t been on an actual date yet.”

He looked up from his bowl to once again find Chan beaming at him, dimples etched deep on either side of his mouth, the embarrassment from earlier long forgotten. Felix had the fleeting thought run through his mind that he’d never seen someone as beautiful as the man sitting opposite him. The thought was quickly followed up by another right after of how lucky he was to be faced with that bright smile everyday. And to be the cause of it so often made him feel wholly unworthy.

Chan was the sun, and Felix was a simple sunflower, greedily basking in the warmth of the other’s gaze.

It had only been a few days and already, Felix was unsure how he’d made it this far without the Christmas fairy in his life.

“You want to go on a date?” Chan asked, his voice snapping Felix out of his daze and back to the present.

Felix blinked at Chan dumbly a couple times before nodding and giving the other a small smile in return. “That’s part of why you’re here, right? So we can do cute couple things together?”

“Well, yeah, but I wasn’t sure if you actually wanted to-“

“Channie,” Felix interrupted, scooting closer and putting his face in front of Chan’s so he couldn’t escape his gaze. He also refused to think about how quickly and easily that little nickname slipped out of his lips. “Why would I not want to go out with you? I haven’t known you for a very long time, but I do know that you’re kind, funny, the best cookie maker in the whole world, and quite possibly the hottest person I’ve ever met. I want to take you out and make you smile and let everyone be jealous that someone as amazing as you would be with someone like me.”

Sometime during his short speech, Felix’s hand had found its way to rest on Chan’s arm. And once Felix realized, he kept his hand where it was, secretly enjoying the feel of Chan’s arm under his hand.

Not that Chan had noticed, his face red and eyes wide as he stared back at Felix.

“Really?” he said quietly, tone unsure. “Y-You mean it?”

Felix gave Chan the sweetest smile he could muster, the Christmas fairy deserved nothing less. “I mean every word.”

Chan let out a soft giggle, looking down at his hands for a brief moment. He looked up at Felix again, who had still not moved away from in front of Chan’s face. This time, his expression wasn’t shy, it was the exact opposite. Chan’s full lips were quirked up in a cocky smirk and one of his eyebrows was raised as he gazed at Felix, who suddenly felt much too warm and too close to the other.

“So, you think I’m hot, huh?” Sadly for Chan, his façade lasted only until the end of that sentence, after which he immediately broke down into embarrassed giggles. He set his half eaten bowl of pasta down on the end table next to him and sunk into the corner of the couch, covering his face with both arms. Tiny, distressed groans and squeaks could also be heard coming from Chan’s general direction.

Felix just sat in his spot for a few seconds too long, his entire face now a deep shade of red to match Chan’s. He let out a nervous giggle of his own, trying not to think too hard about how his stomach was in knots over seeing that new, albeit short lived, side of Chan.

He didn’t know what he was going to do with the sweet, and apparently sometimes feisty, Christmas spirit that had found himself a staple in Felix’s life faster than he’d ever admit.

•••

The next evening couldn’t arrive fast enough.

For Felix, it was torture trying to keep the idea for his date a secret from Chan. And for Chan, it was torture as he followed his human around all day trying to guess what the date could be.

But eventually, it was nearing time for them to head out so they didn’t miss their reservations at the cookie shop.

Felix had told Chan to wear comfy clothes that he didn’t mind getting dirty which was a struggle for Chan as he loved his new, nearly all black wardrobe he’d picked out with Felix the week before. He didn’t want to get any of his new outfits messy, but after much reassurance from Felix that they could be washed, he settled on a set of clothes and the two headed out.

From the moment they walked into the shop, Chan had gone quiet, gazing at the rows of cookies waiting to be decorated in wonder. Felix just followed him around, letting him look at the impressive spread of cookies, icings, and candy decorations they had to choose from. He couldn’t help but smile fondly every time Chan came bouncing up to him, rambling about another type of cookie he just had to decorate and take home.

“Which ones do you want to start with first, Chan?” Felix asked after they started their third lap around the store.

“I- I don’t know, they all look so good,” Chan replied with a slight huff.

“Well, we can decorate a few to begin with and come back for more after. You don’t have to decide on everything right now.”

The smile Chan gave Felix in return was blinding, immediately bounding back to the front of the store so he could start collecting the cookies he wanted.

As he followed Chan around, Felix began to realize just how much he underestimated the amount of energy the spirit truly had. It took another three turns around the shop before Chan was ready to sit down and decorate. To Felix though, the slight twinge in his feet from so much walking was worth it to see Chan’s face permanently lit up with joy.

Another thing that quickly became apparent to Felix was just how skilled Chan was when it came to decorating. They’d barely sat down and already Chan was spreading out the cookies he picked out and icing them to near perfection. He held the little piping bottles expertly, concentrating on filling in every little gap with the colorful frosting.

Felix, on the other hand, was struggling a little more. He’d picked out some cookies for himself and though he considered himself somewhat skilled as a baker, it was clear that talent did not translate over into decorating. While Chan could create the most wonderful little pictures with frosting, Felix was just happy to complete a sad little stick-like snowflake on one of his cookies.

After multiple failed attempts to pipe out a Christmas tree that didn’t look like a blob, Felix huffed in defeat and slumped back in his chair.

“Is it like, a Christmas fairy requirement to just be amazing at cookie decorating?” he asked, looking enviously at the little murals Chan was painting next to him.

Chan shrugged, not looking up from the cookie he was now decorating with tiny candies. “Not necessarily, I’ve- I’ve just always liked it. I can let my creativity be free, you know?”

“I guess, but you’re so good at it, I don’t know how you manage to make every one of them look perfect so effortlessly.” Felix gestured to his tray of cookies with lumpy little pictures on them. “Mine look like they just got run over.”

“They’re not… terrible.”

Giving Chan an incredulous stare, Felix couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his lips seconds later.

“What?” Chan asked, voice squeaky in confusion. “Mine just look this nice because I’ve had a couple more years to perfect my ways.”

“Oh sure, because that’s just practice.” Felix nodded again, wholly unconvinced. “Go back to your decorating and let me be jealous.” He waved a hand dismissively and turned his attention back down to the cookies on his tray. The little smilies he’d shakily drawn onto one cookie stared at him tauntingly, like they knew he tried to make them better but was completely incapable of doing so.

Felix scrunches his eyebrows into a frown and petulantly poked at the cookie, offended by its happiness when he was trying to sulk. From his side, he heard a snicker and whipped his head up to look at Chan. “Don’t laugh at my pain.”

“I’m not laughing, I promise!” Chan snickered again and flinched dramatically when Felix reached out to lightly smack at his arm.

“Yes you were! You think my lack of talent is funny.” Felix pouted, poking his lips out in a way he knew his friends and others had a hard time resisting. Chan was no exception to his ways.

“I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to upset you.” The smile was gone from Chan’s face, leaving him looking genuinely concerned.

Felix’s eyes widened as he realized what he’d done. Twice now since Chan came to him had Felix accidentally offended him. Scrambling to correct his error he rushed out, “No! No, no, Channie, no. I’m not upset, I promise. I was just joking.”

Chan still didn’t seem horribly convinced at his words, and Felix once again felt like the worst person alive for making his Christmas fairy feel that way.

His Christmas fairy. Huh. That was new.

“I mean it, I’m really impressed by you and couldn’t create anything close to that. I- I say stupid things sometimes, so don’t listen to me, like, ever. I’m really sorry.” Without thinking, Felix reached a hand out to brush a couple stray curls off of Chan’s forehead. He didn’t miss the way Chan stilled at the move, the tips of his ears flushing a dark red.

“You really like my decorations?” His question was quiet, half unsure and half shy.

“I don’t just like them, I love them. Now, let me watch the master work and maybe I’ll pick up something.” Felix lightly poked Chan on the cheek, grinning when a small smile made its way back onto the other’s face.

“If you insist…” Hesitantly, Chan picked up a new cookie and piping bottle, beginning to work on his next design.

Felix just watched him work, sending the spirit encouraging nods every so often when he held up the cookie to show his progress. He smiled as Chan regained his confidence and momentum after a couple minutes, falling back into his decorating groove.

Some more time passed and Felix started to get restless. He’d handed over his undecorated cookies to Chan, letting him make them pretty in a way he never could but now he was left with nothing to do. Until Felix looked at the little bottles of icing laid out before him and suddenly, he had a very stupid idea.

He picked up one of the bottles of red icing and put a dollop on the paper plate in front of him. Felix stuck his finger in the frosting before turning back towards Chan and lightly poking his cheek. Chan stopped mid-frosting swipe, frowning slightly in confusion and a tiny, surprised giggle leaving his lips.

“What was that for?”

Truthfully, Felix had no real answer other than a simple, “Because I wanted to?”

Giggling once more, Chan looked back at him for a moment, seeming to have an internal conversation with himself. He set down the cookie and offset spatula he had been using to decorate and reached in front of Felix, dipping his finger in the frosting on Felix’s plate. Then, with a mischievous smile of his own, he booped Felix’s nose, leaving a smudge of red icing.

“There, now we match,” he announced proudly.

“I guess we do. But maybe I should just…” Felix trailed off, grabbing the bottle with the green icing and putting a dot on his finger. He glanced at Chan and, wiggling his eyebrows, smeared a line of the frosting along the top of his cheek, right above the initial spot he’d left.

Chan’s eyes widened and he reached for the blue frosting to repeat the action of swiping a line across Felix’s cheek. Felix laughed, going for another bottle of frosting.

“Maybe this is the decorating I’m good at,” he joked, making a couple dots on Chan’s other cheek. There was a distant thought in the back of his head that they shouldn’t be doing this with the frosting and they could get in trouble for it. But one look at Chan’s smiling, red face and Felix couldn’t find it in himself to care too much.

The two went back and forth for a couple minutes, sharing laughs and shy glances as their faces became more and more covered in the bright frosting. They probably received some weird stares but neither noticed, too wrapped up in each other to think about anything else.

“I hope this doesn’t stain,” Chan whispered, leaning in close to Felix like he was sharing a deep secret.

“If it does, too bad. At least we’ll both look silly,” Felix shrugged with another laugh. “We should probably try wiping it off soon though, I don’t want the owners to kick us out.”

Chan nodded and picked up one of the paper towels that laid untouched in a pile by their cookie trays. He focused once again on Felix, lightly swiping it over a spot of frosting on his chin.

“Hold still for me.” The soft tone of his voice made Felix freeze, heart thundering in his chest at all of Chan’s attention on him, his face so close. He took in every inch of Chan’s perfect face, the light freckles across his nose that couldn’t be seen from far away, the way his eyebrows furrowed as he realized, “Uh oh. Felix… it’s not coming off.”

Felix was so deep in his own mind he barely heard or registered the other’s words. When the words finally sunk into his brain, his eyes went wide. “Wait, really?”

Nodding once again, Chan sat back immediately, his eyebrows still scrunched together as he studied the streaks across Felix’s face. “I think we’re both gonna look weird for a while.”

“Oops?” Felix offered unhelpfully and scooted forward in his chair, reaching for a paper towel to try and wipe the color off Chan’s face in return. Chan stayed still, closing his eyes while Felix dabbed at his face. Sure enough, the layer of frosting came off, but not the colors of the dye underneath. His skin was lightly stained, the little dots and streaks Felix painted stayed right where they were.

Even with the mismatched colors all over him, Chan was still the prettiest person Felix had ever seen. He was sure, now more than ever, that nobody else on earth would ever change that.

“There we go, all done.”

Slowly, Chan’s eyes fluttered open, his gaze meeting Felix’s. Felix was sure time slowed down in that moment as he looked at the beautiful man in front of him, the world fading into static around them. They were so close but so far away, and all Felix could think about was closing the distance that separated them; a couple short inches and he’d have what he’d been dreaming of for what felt like forever.

But not here, not in this crowded shop. His Christmas fairy deserved better, his Christmas fairy deserved nothing short of the whole world.

Felix tore his eyes away from Chan’s, turning back to the discarded cookies beside them.

“We should- we should, um, go,” he muttered. “I’ll go pay and get a box for these, okay?”

Chan just blinked several times, seeming dazed for a second before he gave a hum in affirmation that he’d heard.

Minutes later, they were walking back home, and all either of them could think about was what had happened inside the shop. Felix didn’t like the silence that hung between them.

He hated it, actually. He couldn’t keep messing up like this, Chan deserved better.

Long minutes turned to quiet hours and all too soon, Felix was getting ready to sleep, Chan already in bed in the room next to him. They hadn’t said much, neither of them knowing how to broach the subject of earlier. They made small talk, ate dinner and watched a movie together.

Felix still climbed into bed, curling up on his side. Chan still wrapped his arm around Felix’s waist, pulling him against his chest. Things were a little weird, but wouldn’t be forever. They could handle a little awkwardness for a day or two.

Next time, Felix would get it right, he silently promised Chan, and himself, as Chan’s steady breathing slowly lulled him to sleep.

•••

Another thing Felix had quickly learned about the Christmas fairy was that he could not sleep. He didn’t know if this was a problem all Christmas spirits had, but it was clearly one that Chan struggled with. More nights than not, Felix would wake up at three am to find Chan gone, in the kitchen baking or making hot chocolate.

Tonight was one such night.

Felix had woken up to again find that Chan was no longer next to him and instead had went off to the kitchen, presumably. Normally, Felix would just stay in bed and fall back to sleep, but tonight was different. He felt a pull, like something was telling him he should get up and join Chan in his late night kitchen adventures. So, he dragged himself out of bed and trudged toward the kitchen.

It had been a few days since the Incident and they still hadn’t talked about it. Things had been awkward at first and it had taken some time, but a couple batches of baked goods later and everything didn’t seem quite as dire as it had before.

Felix wandered into the kitchen and was met with the sight of Chan’s bare back as he stood in front of the stove. While Felix preferred to wear his cute, warm pajamas at night, Chan opted to sleep in shorts; though he suspected the reason Chan bothered to wear anything at all was just to keep Felix from feeling uncomfortable. Not that he would’ve minded if Chan wore less, which was another thought he’d tried desperately to push to the back of his brain whenever possible.

Chan heard the quiet shuffling of Felix’s feet on the floor and turned toward him, offering him a slightly concerned look.

“Felix? Are you okay, what are you doing up?”

Felix just shrugged, because once again, he had no good answer for the Christmas fairy. “I- I noticed you were gone and wanted to check on you.”

To that, Chan smiled softly and turned back to the pot of hot cocoa in front of him. “I’m fine, just can’t sleep sometimes, you know?”

By now, Felix had made his way to stand next to Chan and was watching him stir absentmindedly. “I’ve noticed.”

Things were back to being awkward and Felix hated it.

He wanted to fix it and make things better but he didn’t know how. What was he supposed to say? “You know that really awkward moment a couple days ago? I was really close to kissing you because you looked so pretty but didn’t want to because it wasn’t the right time and you deserve better than that and-“

“Do you want some?” Felix was snapped out of his inward spiraling by Chan’s question.

“I- what?” He asked dumbly, his brain still not having caught up with the moment.

“The cocoa, do you want some? I can make more if you want any.” There Chan was, still smiling sweetly at him like Felix hadn’t been a huge idiot in every way since the first day he showed up. Felix truly didn’t deserve anyone like his Christmas fairy.

His Christmas fairy. Oh fuck, there it was again.

“Felix, are you sure you’re okay?” Chan was frowning now and reached out to feel his forehead with the back of his hand. “Are you getting sick?”

Upon Chan’s skin touching his, Felix’s brain kicked back into overdrive, making him back away quickly. “N-No! No, I’m okay, I’m sorry. My brain’s just been… elsewhere, I guess.”

Chan just tilted his head, giving him a long, considering look. Eventually he sighed and looked away. “I can hear you overthinking again.”

There really was no hiding from Chan with his Christmas-spirit-emotion-telling-thing he had. That didn’t stop Felix from panicking internally.

This was one half of the two things he hated about love. The confessing. He was a chronic over-explainer and always rambled on for too long and weirded the other person out with how much he talked. He couldn’t help it; when he fell, it was deep and hard and there was never any going back.

Not that he was falling for Chan, except that he definitely was.

“Please talk to me, Felix,” Chan said, his voice barely more than a murmur. “I know it’s about the other day, stuff has been weird ever since then.”

Felix took a deep breath. It was time to face his anxieties and be honest. This was Chan, his sweet, lovely Christmas fairy that made him hot cocoa in the middle of the night and looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. He could tell Chan anything and would still receive that same smile that brightened his mornings and made his nights glow.

“About that,” he began, huffing out a sheepish laugh, “it’s stupid, really. I just- in the shop, you looked so, um, so pretty and I really wanted to kiss you but it wasn’t- it wasn’t the right time. I- I wanted to give you the perfect moment because you’re so amazing and- and you deserve something just as special.”

“Felix… why didn’t you tell me?” Some time during his stumbled explanation, Chan appeared in front of Felix, fixing him with such an earnest gaze that he was sure his legs nearly turned to jelly.

“I- I didn’t know how to. I was scared I’d messed up again and made things awkward and I didn’t want to make things worse.” Felix looked down, feeling a burning blush spread like wildfire across his face. Seconds later, a hand tilted his chin up and he was staring into Chan’s warm brown eyes. He was smiling faintly, his head tilted just slightly to the side with his dark curls falling across his forehead.

“What had you imagined?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

That took Felix aback. Truthfully, he hadn’t fully planned it out, but different scenes would float across his mind throughout the day. One minute, it was them ice skating, twirling around with each other; and the next, they were outside as the snow fell around them, glittering against the twinkle lights brightening the night.

He closed his eyes, and concentrated on the scene that appeared most in his brain.

“We’d go out, maybe we’d go ice skating, it’d be at an outdoor rink I know of. There are pretty Christmas lights hanging all around and it just feels so magical; we’d skate and maybe hold hands, I’d stress about having sweaty hands or tripping and falling on my face. We’d take a break for some hot cocoa before skating a little more and when the moment was just right, I’d turn toward you and ask before kissing you.” Felix’s eyes were still squeezed shut, wistful smile gracing his face.

And then there were two large hands cupping either side of his face and his eyes were flying open, once again meeting Chan’s searching gaze. He was close, so close. Felix’s breath caught in his chest as he gazed at the wondrous man in front of him. Mere inches separated them but it felt like a mile wide ravine.

“How attached are you to that idea?” Felix could feel Chan’s warmth breath on his face and his brain short-circuiting in response.

“N-Not very, anymore.”

“Then can I please kiss you?”

Unable to form words, Felix just nodded, closing his eyes once again as Chan leaned in. Softly, almost tentatively, Chan pressed his lips to Felix’s. They were soft, just as Felix had imagined, and he hurried to reciprocate, his hands coming up to gently rest on either of Chan’s sides.

It wasn’t like any other kiss Felix had ever experienced. With other people, it had been nice, wonderful, even. He’d tried to push himself to feel the fireworks spoken about in his favorite books and had never had anything close to that experience. But that wasn’t this either, there were no fireworks.

Instead, kissing Chan felt like coming home.

He felt like a warm hug on a cold day, reassuring and there. He was the sun after a long winter night and a refreshing swim in the middle of summer. This wasn’t the feeling Felix had dreamed of, but one so much better; one he hadn’t known he’d needed and now one he knew he’d never be able to live without again.

Moments passed and all too soon, Chan was pulling away, leaving Felix forever wanting more. He knew right away that he’d never be able to get enough of those kisses, of Chan himself.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking at Chan with a slightly dazed smile.

Chan smiled back, always and forever looking at Felix like he held the world. “Was that okay?”

Felix couldn’t help but let out a soft giggle at the question. “That was the best kiss I’ve ever received.”

Chan’s beautiful, dimply smile grew ever wider as he started to lean in once more. “Then would you mind if I did it again?”

This time, Felix beat him to it, wrapping his arms around Chan’s neck and eagerly pressing his lips against Chan’s. Chan let out a small, surprised noise but still returned the kiss, fitting perfectly with Felix.

As he pulled Chan in closer, Felix couldn’t stop smiling. Finally, he had someone to love and someone who loved him just as much.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

read part three here!

#stray kids #chanlix #skz bang chan #bang chan #skz felix #felix #lee felix #skz fluff #fluff #love #i love them #wholesome content #christmas fairy #so many cookies #they’re in love your honor

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kakushigo · 1 year

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Good Omens Spoilers Below! Pls be careful!

So some fun spitballing about Aziraphale's "I forgive you." to Crowley after the kiss.

Number 1. I definitely don't think it was a homophobic I forgive you for having feelings for me b/c we're both Men:tm: b/c they aren't men. And Aziraphale has no problems with any form of queer love.

Number 2. I'm wondering if it's Aziraphale apologizing because he thinks he's forced Crowley to kiss him. It's immediately established before this that he can "force" emotions on people (Nina freaking out but having to do it calmly b/c Aziraphale's miracle doesn't let her panic during the dance, etc).

Right before the kiss, Aziraphale delivers his love confession to Crowley - not worded like one, but one none the less. He wants them both to become angels, Crowley! And then it'll be just like it was at the beginning with Crowley being amazing and happy and creating cosmos but this time he'll pay attention to Aziraphale.

Crowley is (understandably) freaked out and says no, asking how Aziraphale could think he'd ever want that.

Aziraphale deflates, Crowley goes to leave and then turns around to kiss Aziraphale after his own love confession. But it was after Aziraphale's and maybe Aziraphale was hoping a little miracle would smooth things along, make Crowley forgive him quicker this time around and then Crowley kisses him and Aziraphale is wondering if he caused that.

But he doesn't say he's sorry. He says he forgives Crowley (b/c there's nothing to forgive).

Or maybe Aziraphale somehow thinks he's forced Crowley to fall in love with him. Maybe by nature still rejecting the idea that demons can love, despite Gabriel & Beelzebub. (After all, Beelzebub did just admit that Aziraphale did a better job taking care of Gabriel then zir would've done

Option number three? Four? Idk is that this is Aziraphale saying he's forgiving Crowley for not wanting to be an angel, for leaving Aziraphale alone in heaven. Crowley "said" with the kiss: don't go where I can't follow, angel. And then Aziraphale went somewhere Crowley doesn't want to follow, so Aziraphale pre-emptively forgives Crowley for not following him. For not wanting to go to heaven with Aziraphale.

And the biggest one (combined with any of the above) is Aziraphale forgiving Crowley for tempting him from Heaven. He just agreed to a new job and then Crowley kisses him, trying to convince him to stay. Maybe Aziraphale thinks Crowley means it, maybe he doesn't. But it's a temptation like everything else. Something Aziraphale wants to say yes to, give in to. Instead he pretends he's not crying and forgives Crowley for this one last temptation between angel and demon.

#Good Omens #Good Omens Season 2 #Good Omens Spoilers #GO Spoilers #Spoilers #Season 2 Spoilers #trying to cover all my bases for spoiler tagging this #thoughts about the Last Scene

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dreamgirledward · 3 years

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"my homophobic tv show is better than urs" ok guess i didn't get the memo that we've all been shot like 8 years into the past and we're pitting unrelated pieces of media against each other like children again but im just gonna say comparing spn to good omens/hannibal (all 3 of which i have watched) is just rly dumb bc while they all fall into the queerbaiting trap, two of the three of these never had real intentions on making their lead couples anything other than ambiguous and just played with tension and subtlety. pls dont forget every major network KNOWS how to reel in queer fans with bait (pun not intended) and they KNOW it'll work if it can pass undetected under the radar of their intended straight cis audiences. gomens is my fav book but did I ever expect crowley and aziraphale to actually date in the show? absolutely not. did the baiting surprise me? absolutely not lol. while these remarks about spn sucking are funny bc you think one is more poetic and dark and pleasing to the eye or on the other hand more campy or WHATEVER than spn generally, like cool but people are excited bc what's going on rn isnt NORMAL. a love story blossomed between a gay angel and a repressed bisexual man that wasnt MEANT to originally, like deancas wasn't INTENDED for endgame cas wasnt even supposed to make it past a few eps originally, and that's what makes it so special for people. we've talked about how cas is literally the only character within the spn story that had actual free will and used it for and to love, but the love they had for each other became so immense even WITH the chucked lines and hundreds of rewrites to appease a homophobic network that it spilled through the cracks regardless. we get excited over these released scripts bc they're a reminder that some of these writers were always in our corner, we were never crazy and they KEPT ON TRYING to make it happen.

edit*: basically what im trying to say is all of yall basically look like you're looking down on spn via classism and elitism like fucking chill we're all losers on the hellsite you are not special

#im not trying to be aggressive about this or anything like im literally a fan of all three #but its so frustrating when i see people compare things that shouldnt be compared #like if you like gomens or hannibal better FINE just dont rain on hellers' parade lmao #like just let people be emotional and excited and heartbroken over something that was a part of a lot of our lives for a rly long time 🥲#spn #hannibal #good omens #destiel #deancas #like YES all three are homophobic but like pls #sammy.txt

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teddy06writes · 4 years

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Fully Functioning Tricycle

Sapnap x reader x Karl

requested: no (;-; no one has requested anything, pls request things guys requests are open)

Trigger warnings: slight swearing,

“blep” talking

“blep” flashback

‘blep’ video or text

premise: since you’d been absorbed into Karl and Nicks relationship, you guys had kept it under wraps, until... you accidently said something on a stream with Quackity, when you start getting hate about it Karl and Nick decide to do something about it

(y/n/n)- your nick name

(y/s/n) your screen name

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No one was quite too sure when it started, Karl would say once you moved in with them, and Sapnap argued that it started even before that, that you had just naturally been absorbed into their relationship.

Now ‘the frat house’ as the house you all rented had been dubbed by your friends on the Dream Smp, consisted of one relationship, and not just a group of pinning idiots.

You sighed, looking down at all the messages flooding your phone, it hadn’t even been a whole day since you let it slip, and still so many people knew, so many people were giving you hate online.

Everyone knew, except your boyfriends.

Somehow despite letting your involvement in there relationship out, and thousands of people were tweeting about it, they still hadn’t realized.

You had to hand it to them, for two pretty smart guys, Karl and Nick could be pretty oblivious.

“(y/n/n)?”

Karl’s call knocked you out of your thoughts and back to reality, so, you pushed away from your desk, “Yeah?”

He stuck his head in the door, “You almost done? Nicky’s about to finish his stream, and I would like cuddles.”

“uhhhh,” you glanced at your monitor, the assignment for one of your classes still open, “Soon, baby, I’m almost done.”

“M, kay.”

You pulled you chair back in as Karl wandered out, doing your best to refocus on the assignment, and not back onto the top notification, ‘I can’t believe (y/s/n) managed to convince themself they were good enough for Sapnap and Karl’

You sighed, you didn’t want to keep looking through them, but- what if someone said something worse?

It was a rabbit hole, every mention, every hashtag, every dm dragged you further in.

“Do you think (y/n)s being weird?” Karl asked quietly.

Nick looked up at him confused, “Weird how?”

“I don’t know, something just seems off, you know?”

Nick frowned as he looked back down at twitter, confused by what he was seeing, he held his phone out for Karl to see, “You think this has something to do with it?”

After a little while, and maybe a few tears, you managed to tear yourself away from your phone long enough to finish the work you had left, continuing to shove your phone away whenever a new notification came up.

You finished up the last of your assignment, quietly sending it off to your professor, and shutting down your computer, you shuffled off toward your unused bed, flopping down face first.

“(Y/n/n)!” Nick half sang, laying down next to you, “I was told to retrieve you for cuddles.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, shifting closer to him as he wrapped an arm around you.

“You alright love?”

“‘m tired.” You mumbled, tucking your face into the crook of his neck.

“Why don’t you come cuddle then? Karl’s lookin for a movie right now.”

Slowly you pulled yourself to stand with a sigh, “Alright.”

You shuffled out of the room, Nick only pausing to grab your phone, glaring down at a notification that read, ‘imagine thinking living in the same house is enough to warrant becoming a homewrecker.’

He quickly followed you into the other bedroom, smiling upon seeing how Karl’s face lit up upon seeing both his partners.

“(y/n/n)! Nicky!” He exclaimed, Holding up his arms, “Cuddles!”

You smiled at that, climbing into bed next to him, burying your head in his chest as Nick came to lay on your other side, wrapping an arm around both of you and pressing a light kiss to the back of your neck.

“(Y/n).”

It was the tone Nick used that got your worried, “Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell us what was going on with the fans on twitter, Darlin?” Karl asked softly.

Nick sighed, “I know we said we were keeping this on the down low, and it doesn’t really matter that it’s out there, but why didn’t you tell us?”

You bit your lip to stop it from quivering, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve said anything. I didn’t mean to mess this up. We- We said we were going to announce it soon right?”

“Hey, hey,” Nick sat up a little, using the hand that wasn’t already holding Karl’s to rub small circles into your shoulder, “It’s alright love. It doesn’t matter that it’s out there, we just wanna know why you didn’t tell us about the toxic people?”

“It’s nothing.” You muttered.

“No it isn’t,” Karl said, “Darlin what happened?”

“The Frat house?”

You had been streaming with Quackity, running around on the smp.

“Yeah, that’s what we call it!” You laughed.

Quackity snorted, “The Frat House? Why?”

“Have you met Karl and Sapnap? They are literally frat boys that aren’t in a frat!”

“Nah, it’s still weird. Like, why? What the fuck?”

You chuckled, “Interestingly it did actually used to be a frat house.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?” He laughed.

“Yeah, that’s why there’s like four different bedrooms, plus a weird party basement.”

You both laughed, and went back to trying to mess with Fundy’s build without him noticing.

“What’s it like living with Sapnap? Is he actually that much of a Chad?”

“Oh yeah. It’s- it’s fucking chaotic here, obviously. I swear we do enough grocery shopping for like, three times the people than what live here, and every room except mine is a mess.”

“Oof, Imagine living with chadnap full time chat?” Quackity laughed.

A text to speech donation asked, “What’s it like being the third wheel too frat boys Karl and Quackity?”

In spite of yourself you snorted, “Someone asked what it’s like being the third wheel.”

He laughed, “Oh yes, the viewers want to know, give us the scoop!”

“Well.... I guess I’m not a third wheel in that sense, We’re pretty much a fully functioning tricycle now.” You clamped a hand over your mouth, realizing what you’d said.

Karl laughed once you finished explaining, and you slapped him lightly, “It’s not funny.”

“Yes it is!” He giggled.

“No!” You half wailed, “I fucked everything up!”

Nick barley held back a chuckle, “It is a little funny.”

You sighed, screwing your eyes shut and snuggling into them, “I didn’t wanna mess anythin up, but I did an’ now your making fun of me.”

Nick kissed the back of your neck again, “We aren’t making fun of you.”

“We just think it’s funny the way you said it,” Karl reassured, “What isn’t funny is the people harassing you.”

“Why didn’t you tell us it was going on?”

“It doesn’t matter,” You insisted, “It’ll all blow over eventually.”

Sapnap

@sapnapalt

GUYS PLEASE WATCH THIS VID IT”S IMPORTANT!!

The video:

*Karl and Nick are half sat up in bed looking at the camera*

Nick: ‘guys as much as we were thinking weren’t going to have to say this, it really needs to be said.’

Karl: ‘When we came forward with our relationship you guys were all super caring and considerate, there was actually very little hate going around, surprisingly, and what are a few random homophobes on the internet gonna do?’

Nick: ‘We really appreciate how kind you all were to us, so please’

*the camera shifts down to show you, asleep on Karl’s chest and wrapped in Nick’s hoodie*

Nick: ‘stop bothering our partner.’

Karl: ‘please, it- everything has gone to far since they first said it and it isn’t okay. Yeah, we were keeping this a secret but thats because we were planning on a funny reveal, Just because this came out sooner than we planned doesn’t mean you get to bother (y/n) about it! I want all the hate your sending to them to stop!’

Nick: ‘It’s honestly fucking disgusting, how far you guys are taking this! The fact that they can hardly pick up there phone without getting more of this bull shit is not okay!’

*karl smiles at him softly* : ‘we just want (y/n) to be happy and comfortable in this relationship and you guys aren’t exactly helping. Please Please please stop sending them hate and so yeah, it’s official, we really are a fully functioning tricycle.’

Nick: ‘so stop sending our partner hate!’

You didn’t actually see the video until later, having all but thrown your phone away once you woke up the next morning, but when you did you couldn’t help but quickly tackle Karl, who happened to also be in the kitchen, in a hug.

“Thank you.”

He smiled into your shoulder, hugging you back just as tightly, “It was mostly Nicks idea.”

As if on cue Nick hugged you both from the side, “We couldn’t just leave it be love.”

Still grinning madly, you kissed them both, “I love you guys. So, so much.”

#teddy06 writes #mcyt x reader #mcyt imagines #sapnap x reader #spanap imagines #karl jacobs x reader #karl jacobs imagines #karl jacobs x reader x sapnap #sapnap x reader x karl jacobs #karl x reader x sapnap #sapnap x reader x karl #karlnap x reader #polyam #polyships

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ninacarstairss · 3 years

Note

Hello bestieeee :D How are u today? I hope u are living ur best life and are well<3

GUESS WHAT?

Yesterday,I finished RWRB!!! How can I even start to describe my love for this book? Hmmm I don’t think that I can put it in words but I’ll say whatI loved about it and by that,well,It’s pretty much everything. All the characters(except Philip the homophobic bitch,Richards the coward and um the Queen) were just so amazing and it was refreshing(yeah refreshing,don’t criticize me for choosing this word) to read about them and I learned so much from each one and there’s no doubt that they inspired in many ways.Tho I love all of them immensely,Henry and Alex hold a special place in my heart.The way Henry and Alex grew up through the book and let themselves to truly be the people they are at the end even after all the consequences they were ready to live with left me happy and hopeful.But I think that Alex and Henry couldn’t have been themselves one day in front of the whole world if they did not choosed to know each other and fall in love through this journey.Its beautiful to see how Alex who never expected to bond with Henry,was so grateful that he had the chance to do so.And there’s Henry who for so long,he had to pretend that he was someone else and live a life that was painfully untrue and unfair to his own feelings but he still managed to be the kindest and generous person that he could be and that,made my heart break but proud.I love them and lemme tell u,they are one of the most power couple and even THE power couple that u could possibly hope for. I love this two and If I want to find comfort,I’ll always look up to re-read some scenes with them(😏😎💕).What else?Ohh it was gracefully written and the way the characters expressed themselves was really relatable and I could see myself in them.There’s the plot who was entertaining and I just adored the aesthetic of this book(I mean the places that we saw etc).The whole story captivated me.RWRB is without a doubt one of my favourite books that I’ll eternally recommend(maybe not to my parents hehe cuz of the um spicy scenes👉🏼👈🏼,u know?).That’s pretty much that,I could talk about RWRB more but I know it will end up be a novel just about how much I LOVED IT. I can’t wait to read One last stop by the same author who made me feel countless of emotions in just one book.

P-S: Expect to see me posting(poems and the wonderful Chia already helped me giving me some ideas,aesthetics,drawings etc and maybe even a fic? Or a few?I’ll see). Alsooo,I’ll start SOA so lemme tell u if someone doesn’t mind to share my thoughts about this one and wish me luck for all the pain that I’ll be going through this one too).Why do I like pain so much?

Tagging some RWRB simps who I want to thank for bearing my thoughts and making me so excited for this book and hopefully I did not annoyed anybody: @shadowhunting-hooligans @carstairgray @gabtapia @niastormsanctuary-bolastairkanej @queen-born-out-of-fire @clarys-heosphoros

EVERYTHING YOU SAID. EVERYTHING.

ok let’s do this right i’m gonna try with a coherent answer—

hii bestie!! i’m fine and honestly now i’m even better because this ask just made my day and i read it twice because how could i not?? it’s literally exactly all i thought when i finished the book and i still think about all this 24/7, even after a month. this book is literally everything and it just stays in your veins.

and, honestly, you chose the perfect word. refreshing it’s exactly what this book is. except for those three horrible unnameable characters, all the characters were really refreshing and the relationships between them were so good and healthy that it was really refreshing. i loved alex and henry’s relationship, how it was developed and how it was built, it was so wholesome and it was definitely refreshing (yes now i clearly can’t stop using this word) to see so much communication and all this getting to really know each other inside out. and i totally agree, without knowing each other so well their story wouldn’t have been the same, they wouldn’t be so aware and so sure about going public and taking all the risks and consequences of that.

and their growth, both as individuals and as a couple, is amazing. the way alex is grateful to have met henry and how he learns to know himself better thanks to henry and how he learns to steady himself and slow down and the way henry learns to accept himself and learns that he deserves happiness, all of that without ever losing his kindness and his ability to love beyond measure even after years of being forced in the dark, always makes me emotional. they truly have some of the best character development i’ve ever seen, and it’s subtle and not rushed, and at the same time it’s so visible and tangible.

they’re definitely THE power couple and also THE comfort couple. seriously half of their scenes are the softest thing ever and they’re perfect for every mood. like, want to feel happy and laugh? reread the great turkey calamity or the karaoke scene. want to feel that sort of calm and soothing happiness? reread the scene at the beekman or alex’s speech at the end. want to get some serotonin? reread all their phone calls, email and texts. there are literally so many scenes i reread almost on a daily basis.

and i totally agree, the book was amazingly written, i loved the sceneries and even tho all these characters are probably the least relatable characters ever —considering one is a prince, one is the son of a president and the others are also involved in these spaces — they all end up being incredibly relatable, so much more than a lot of other characters i’ve read about. june and nora are also characters i loved so much because they were so relatable and so real.

rwrb is definitely one of my favorite books ever too and i can’t wait to read one last stop, from what i’ve heard so far it’s just as amazing!!

and i assure you bestie, you didn’t annoy anyone!! i loved reading all your thoughts and this last ask gave me life so pls do share your thoughts with the song of achilles too!! you’re gonna have to suffer and cry a lot there but it’s worth it, it’s really an amazing book. i’ll be here for moral support love 🧁🧁♥️♥️

anyway i hope you’re well too and having an amazing day, aside from the constantly missing rwrb part, because that’s gonna last a lot of time. ily and i’ll be waiting for more comments to cry and rant with you <33

#me: i want to be coherent #also me: *can’t be coherent when it comes to rwrb #asks #asks answered #mila <3 #i can call you mila right??#sorry it took me a bit to answer but i genuinely reread this more than once and i just couldn’t stop typing stuff #i can never not talk about this book #for like hours lol #rwrb

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that-tall-queer-bassist · 3 years

Text

My personal Pros and Cons of my ADHD

Pros

-noticing all the little details and appreciating them in the fullest

-Emotional Dysregulation, because when I get a new plant, or find that one oddly shaped metal marble I lost a while ago, I am so excited it’s pathetic, but I love that feeling of pure joy.

-hyperfixation of the week/day/hour (i know some people describe it differently, let me be pls) . I usually switch between art mediums, and/or a few video games/social media sites. for example, I’ve been on tumblr for 3 hours as i write this, after not touching it for, i think a month?

-nuerodivergent friends. They’re just better.

-the ability to completely drown myself in information to ignore reality. Is it healthy? no. But i simply cannot handle another existiential crissi rn, so i will instead play minecraft while listening to alt rock playlists on youtube because getting spotify sounds like a lot of work.

-my ability to retain absolutely useless information, from either my, or my other nuerodivergent friends hyperfixations/special interests. I can explain to you in terrible formatting if it’s out loud, the evolution, history, training, anatomy and roles of the horse in our world, and how ao3 works, and what makes or breaks a fanfiction.

-Object Impermanence. When i literally hide myself a treat or surprise and forget about it, then get so excited when i do find/discover it again. I hide google questions, and/or song lyrics in my tabs :) its so fun. Also, hiding away stressors. Again, healthy? no, but i don’t feel like having anxiety all day, so whatever.

-Emotional Dysregulation, again. I can switch from sad or angry to happy and excited/content in a few seconds. It’s also great for getting my siblings out of their funk. ex., my sister is mad at me. I make a silly voice repeating what she said or cross my eyes at her. she laughs, then we can talk and have constructive conversation about why she shouldn’t get that upset about me “cutting off her reading time” when we share a room and I want to sleep, and know that she will be very tired tomorrow if she doesn’t also go to sleep. (We have this conversation almost every single night, i’m not even joking)

Cons

-Emotional Dysregulation. When i get upset, I’m Upset. Like, big time, ruining friendships and familial ties if i let it get out of hand, Upset. Yeah.

-Time Blindness. Constantly late, or early, or under or over estimating the amount of time it takes to do a thing, not eating til 4 because you forgot but you also should just wait til dinner, but now its 9 and I still haven’t eaten-

-Executive Dysfunction. I can’t do the things needed to function. Don’t have the mental energy to explain this one, so google it i guess? There’s a whole checklist of things you need to be able to do to function, and i can do like, three on a good day.

-Sleeping Trouble. People with adhd have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. So, sleeping trouble. So I’m constantly tired.

-Internal Clock is SLIGHTLY OFF. Nuerotypicals have that normal sleep schedule. Adhd ers have it shifted forward by, i think, 2, 3 hours. So we go to sleep later, and wake up later, and that’s the only way to get a healthy amount of sleep. My entire family also eats dinner super late, which might be because we’re weird, but I suspect the inner clock thing cuz we all got adhd.

-Object Impermanance. I hid my math homework one time. I failed that class.

-Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Never trying, or starting cuz I’m so terrified to get a bad reaction. Constantly masking around certain people to appeal to the few of my Nuerotypical friends. Or, y’know, majority of my extended family. They’re ableist. and homophobic. And transphobic. And racist. and sexist. The list goes on, but, yeah. Never coming out to them! :D

-Masking. It’s exhausting and I can only handle so much of it.

-Not Masking around nuerotypicals. The shoot down after finally revealing my true thoughts, urges, feelings, stims, etc. just sucks. Super disheartening.

-Squirrel or shiny jokes when they’re made by people without adhd. Yes, I do get distracted by squirrels, and shiny things, and dice. Stop pointing it out, and/or putting me into yet another box of your labeling.

-saying that I’m lazy, worthless, or a disaster when really it’s not helping. I already have that internal monologue, you adding to it and giving it some truth/extra ammunition is not. helping.

-Emotional Dysregulation. Again, because mood swings. like, I’m trying to be rightfully angry with you. Stop making me laugh with you’re silly faces or pointing out of a weird face someone made in a picture you took.

-the stigma about the hyperactive subtype. I’m inattentive. I have No Energy. Ever. Sometimes i have restlessness, but there is still no energy. Stop portraying me as bouncing off the walls, especially with caffeine. Caffeine just catches my body speed up to my brain speed, settling me down a bit, at least mentally.

-people not getting when i say I’m overstimulated, or need some time alone to process or re-energize, and following me, or continuing to do the overstimulating thing. I will literally. lose. my. mind.

-when people shut me down after I share something that is really important to me, or make fun of me for liking something an “abnormal” amount. Flashbacks to overnight camp, when whenever I said anything about horses, they said I had to do five squats, and when i got really excited about discussing the differences in riding styles/types with another person who really liked horses, but rode english, they said that it was obnoxious, when i was just.. excited to finally find someone to talk to and who felt the same way after, basically, years and years of no one getting it or wanting to listen or talking with me about the thing. To this day I don’t discuss horses with anyone, cuz it hurts so much remembering that, and the fear of it happening again is still there.

-seeing other people be ashamed about their adhd and hesitant to mention until i talk, like, super openly about having it, in like, the first 5 minutes of knowing each other. It just.. hurts.

-I’m super empathetic, not in a way that’s helpful though. Like, wincing, or limping myself because I saw you drop something on your foot, and am imagining it so vividly that it feels like it happened to me. Reading a fic about abuse or depression, and it hitting too hard and hurting me almost physically, and on a personal level because I simply cannot handle it. Feeling someone else’s pain so vividly that i can’t comfort or help them in any way, because I am so preoccupied with feeling their pain.

-never being able to finish things without starting something else. All the WIPs in my google docs, istg, i will be driven insane by it.

(y’know, this was kinda fun. As a rant, but also as a way for me to identify things about myself and my adhd that i like. Like, I know its so much shorter, but I have a hard time with positive self affirmation, so it was kinda nice. I might do it again, but just the pros part cuz the cons are kinda depressing ngl.)

(OH, Y’all should reblog with your own personal pros added on! You can add cons if you’d like to :) I’m just interested in seeing how your experiences/feeling differ from mine :) )

#adhd #adhd life #executive dysfunction #positive affimation #but it's only the begining ig #i might delete positive affirmations #idk #pros and cons #pros and cons of my adhd #nuerodivergent #nuerodivergent friends are the best #i will elaborate at some point #I've been on tumblr too long

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hshouse · 3 years

Note

lightssup tumblr com/post/662634463776407552/ok-but-what-does-harry-holding-bi-or-trans-flags here's the thing tho. Straight ppl dont care. We dont care about WAVING a pride flag bc it doesn't matter to us as much as to queer folks and that's the FACT the tea whatever, and we dont care bc it doesn't affect us and will never do in the same form that affects the real queer community bc we will never go through the same shit and fucked up things/situation than them bc of the society we are in. And IF an straight person does wave a flag it would be in two, three or five occasions but not in EVERY FUCKING SHOW. These idiots are 1. Homophobic 2. Antis who hate the real person that their fave is 3. Willingly avoiding a truth in favor to keep their wattpad novel alive. Ps. I really dont wanna make it look that me as a straight person doesn't care about the lgtbq+ community. I do, I really do but firstly me as a straight person know how this shit would be IF any of them were straight and 2nd I know this is shit and I know ppl aka het teens and antis will say bUt thAt's noT hOw iT rEallY is lmao pls stf that actually how it is bc ppl are selfish and if something doesn't affect them then they dont care about it AT ALL and that's on that. Now just for the giggles, what makes me so sure about the hl situation is that if they were really straight they wouldn't give a shit about pride flags and signs (of any kind) and the situation would be really different. I cant explain it all in an ask but just to point out: Louis would really have a son and be married by this time and Harry probably too something like justin and hailey, pretty sure we will be getting a LOT of pics of a LOT OF things from backstage, we will not EVER for a minute will be getting some come so far princess park shit and you know what? We will actually be getting pics of these two together since day one from hiatus. And of course, IF this straight image was real harry would have been the godfather of Louis' son and yes, we also will be getting pics of freliot all over the place. But guess f what folks.

Hi bby,

THANK YOU for the honesty and perspective. You do not sound like anything but a truthful ally who is self reflective of their position. Thank you. No gay person expects or wants to see every straight person waving a flag on the way to work every day. That’s not the point at all. You hit the nail in the head. He would not be doing that if he was straight. That’s literally the end of the story.

People need to start being honest with themselves. White folks: are you waving a BLM flag every day? are you? No, you are not. Christians, are you speaking out about islamophobia often? No, you are not. Able body folks, do you actually think every day about how much the world is build to keep disabled people excluded? No, you are not. Pretending you are is just lying online to look woke. And it is because when something is not directly attacking you, your willingness to fight on it is necessarily lower. It’s human nature. Our compassion to ourselves will always outweigh compassion to others. This is not news, this is not a Take. It’s just how stuff works. It’s not bad or good. It’s neutral human behavior. Real activism is not pretending you understand what it feels like to be in that group. It’s not taking front and center. It’s learning, keeping your eyes/ears opening, supporting where your support is meaningful/wanted and changing your and your loved ones’ beliefs/habits.

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leossmoonn · 3 years

Note

I’m begging be my wingwoman 🔮 (male marauder pls)

My name is Laila. I use the pronouns she/her 💜. My favorite color is purple (like my room is purple and everything) and I’m unlabelled cause I do what I want 🙄. I ramble A LOT. I love talking about things I’m passionate about like fictional universe, movies (I’m obsessed with movies) and music, yes I can listen to the same song 15 times a day. I love r&b, bedroom pop, rock, grunge so anything really. When I’m not screaming madly about racist, homophobic, Islam phobic and sexist ppl or fictional universes, I talk about astrology and personality tests. I just love trying to figure out ppl and understand them. So, I’m really intuitive. Maybe it’s because I feel like no one understands me but idc cause I’m in denial about my depression all the time so I’m still the funny, talkative (I can still be calm and cool, I’m an introvert after all), super supportive friend in my friend grp (which is only two ppl btw). As I said I’m obsessed with movies and music which results in me being dramatic. Like I would be the type to propose that we dance in the rain, watch the stars or open the windows of the car and scream at the top of our lungs on the bridge of some Lorde song or “Just like heaven” by The cure. Btw I’m an hufflepuff, I’m biracial (half African, half white french Canadian), I’m 5’8 and an infp. My big three is libra sun, Scorpio moon and Capricorn rising. Sorry if I overwhelmed you, sometimes my mind just gets so full ;) thank u and have a wonderful day/night <3

ahh this isnt too much dont worry! it gave me a lot to work with :)

marauders ship - sirius black

so you annoyed sirius at first bc you were trying to figure him out. you asked him lots of questions and tried to get under his skin bc you knew he was more than just the gryffindor playboy who occasionally plays pranks. (spoiler alert: you were right lol). you also had a slight crush on him, which caused you to want to talk to him a lot. and honestly, he liked you too, he just hated that you were trying to figure him out. he wanted to remain mysterious, but once you two became a couple, he knew that wouldn’t happen. you were the first one to ask him out. it was kind of out of a dare from your friends and his friends bc they teased you two a lot, and his friends knew youd kill him w your questions. so you asked him out casually and he agreed. he ended up setting up the date and it actually turned out a lot more romantic than you thought lol. he ended up setting up a little picnic under the stars by the black lake. he made your favorite dishes and you were very very impressed. you two ended up learning a lot about each other and sirius fell haaaarrrdd that night. he learned what your favorite songs were, your dream job, what zodiac signs you hate, your family history and personal life. he was a big talker himself, but that night he just let you take control of the convo bc he loves your voice. he thinks its so cute when youre excited abt the topic too. you were ranking your favorite movies from worse to best, and whenever you got to the best ones, your eyes would light up and you would squeal and your whole body would shake in excitement and it just made sirius smile so much. like by the end of the night, his cheeks were numb. you two ended up turning on music, your fav ofc and you introduced him to a lot of r&b and bedroom pop and he is a proud supporter of destiny’s child and wallows. you two laid on the blanket and looked at the stars. you started talking again abt astrology and stuff and sirius even took a turn in talking abt astrology and it really surprised u and def made you 10000x more attracted to him hehe. the night ended w him walking you back to your house and a sweet goodnight kiss and him asking you to be his girlfriend. awe! you two are the hottest and loudest couple ever lol. you two often play pranks on each other, sirius teaches you eletric guitar to your fav rock songs, you end up making him take a personality test hehe. he wasnt very political before but you turned him into a polite - most of the time - politician. you two know all the facts and always win the arguments. (or end up hexing ppl lol). you two are al all-around supportive, loyal, fun, and loving couple. and though your personalities may clash (you blame it on the zodiac signs hehe), you two are soulmates and wouldn’t change a thing abt each other <3

hope you like this :)

join my celebration! - 1 day left

#talia’s 1.4k celebration

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kuiinncedes · 4 years

Note

HI JEANNE I AM SO GLAD UR DOING PROMPTS!!! can i prompt general #24 for quinntina with some kuinn friendship maybe pls???? 🥺🥺💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💗

hi rae thanks for prompting!!! <333

General 24 “I haven’t seen (her/him/them) smile in months.”

this got longggg 2796 ish words 👀 (i edited it after pasting into tumblr tho so idk exactly :P) i think this is the longest thing i’ve posted?? i hope it doesn’t suck <3

(also small mention of homophobic parent(s) (mostly quinn’s mom) and just not great parenting... also blood and death mention warning (but like just in conversation?))

i’m like weirdly nervous about this one sdlhgkjf *screams and hits post*

“What’s wrong with Tina?”

Kurt gives Quinn a sideways look, fixing his hair in the mirror on his locker. “Tina Cohen Chang? Why are you asking about her?”

Quinn shrugs, trying to play innocent and nonchalant. “I haven’t seen her smile in months.” Because since the beginning of the year, Tina always smiled at her as she walked into their first class and the only one they share, but now she doesn’t, if she even comes to class on time at all.

Kurt looks at her knowingly and Quinn pushes his arm lightly. “Shut up,” she grumbles. “I’m serious.”

“I’ve noticed it, too,” Kurt says after a moment, following Quinn’s gaze to Tina arriving at her locker. They watch as she hurriedly puts some books in her bag and quickly walks off again, head down and giving a wide berth to everyone she passes.

“Yeah, and that,” Quinn says, “it’s like she’s… scared or something.” She looks at Kurt whose jaw has tightened. Quinn squeezes his arm lightly and he smiles a little at her.

“I can ask Mercedes,” he says reluctantly as he shuts his locker and they start walking down the hall. “She’d know more than me, but… yeah, I don’t think she’s even been in glee lately.”

Quinn’s barely paying attention and almost runs into another student before Kurt pulls her out of the way. “You know, it’s a little creepy that you noticed this at all,” he teases, a glimmer in his eye, and Quinn elbows him and follows him into their next class.

Mercedes doesn’t give them any new information, and then Quinn -- Quinn wants to forget about it, but she can’t. She keeps stealing glances at Tina in the halls, during class, at lunch. She knows Kurt’s right, that it is a little creepy, but…

They’ve been around each other’s circles since the beginning of high school, and a friendly wave from Tina one morning was the only thing keeping Quinn feeling normal when the least normal thing possible had happened to her the night before. She didn’t have Kurt yet, she barely had any friends because of her work to uphold her status as the ice-cold head Cheerio. Tina was kind to her when she was spiraling after her world had turned upside down and no one was around to support her, to turn it back around.

So she just wants to know if Tina’s okay. Because of that. No other reason.

Quinn gets her chance a week later.

She doesn’t expect to see Tina today -- she isn’t in English and hadn’t been for a few days. Quinn tries to ignore her growing concern; after all, she still doesn’t actually know anything about Tina’s life.

When Mrs. Harrison splits them off into groups of two for a new project, Quinn is last to pick her partner and everyone else has already paired off.

“Tina’s absent today, I’ll work with her,” Quinn says airily, playing with the end of her ponytail and tapping her pencil on the desk. She acts like she doesn’t care (why would Quinn Fabray have any reaction to getting paired with a relative social nobody for a project?) but part of her is… looking forward to it. Not only because of her persisting concern about what’s going on with Tina, but also because she does genuinely want to spend time with her. So maybe this is her chance.

She tells Kurt about it at his locker between classes and he rolls his eyes and smiles fondly at her.

It’s the end of the day when Quinn realizes she doesn’t actually have Tina’s number to contact her; it’s too late to ask Kurt or Cedes, she stayed after school to retake a math test and she’s the only one here, as far as she knows.

Except she’s not. There’s another car in the student lot. Quinn glances at it and stops when she realizes someone is sitting in the driver’s seat -- Tina. Before she can talk herself out of it, Quinn walks over and taps on her window.

Maybe she should’ve talked herself out of it, she thinks as Tina jumps and seems to steel herself before rolling down her window. Quinn smiles a little, apologetically. A wave of warm air comes from inside the car, like Tina’s been blasting the heat even in the relatively warm spring weather.

“Um, hey,” Quinn says awkwardly. “So… you weren’t in English today, but we’re doing a project and you and I are partners.” Her voice goes up at the end as if it’s a question. She’s really doubting this now. Tina looks like she’s sick and she’s gripping the steering wheel and not meeting Quinn’s eyes. “Or…” Quinn clears her throat slightly, putting her head Cheerio, most popular girl in school mask back on. “It’s fine if you don’t. Just tell Mrs. Harrison. I’ll do it myself.”

“No,” Tina says, looking up at her finally, and Quinn thinks there’s something different about her eye color. Her smile is tight and forced. “Sounds good.”

Quinn raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Doesn’t sound like it sounds good.”

Tina clenches her jaw. “Yeah, it’s good, sorry, I’m just tired,” she says in one breath. “Here, I’ll, um -- ” She fumbles with her phone and offers it to Quinn. “Put your number in, I’ll text you.”

Quinn’s fingers brush Tina’s when she takes the phone and she almost jumps at how cold her skin is, despite the warmth emanating from the car. Even Kurt, who runs cold, isn’t nearly this cold to Quinn’s own unnaturally warm body temperature…. Her concern grows and she watches Tina for another moment, who’s closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat.

“Are you… okay?” Quinn asks hesitantly.

“I’m fine.”

“Forgive me for saying this? But you… don’t look fine.”

Tina gives her a sideways look. “Yeah, well.” She closes her eyes again.

Quinn enters her number but doesn’t give Tina’s phone back when she’s done. “Hey, seriously, I -- what’s wrong?”

Tina just exhales defeatedly. “I can’t tell you.”

“Try me.”

She shakes her head.

“Your skin is fucking freezing, you have the heat on high in the car in almost 70-degree weather, you look different and not in a good way. I know -- I know we don’t talk much, Tina, but please, let me help you.” Quinn even surprises herself with the last part. It’s far from the hard facade she hides behind at school in her Cheerios uniform, even though she’s still wearing that right now.

Tina stays still and silent and Quinn fidgets with her phone.

“I really don’t know what to do here,” Tina says softly, opening her eyes, glancing at Quinn again then back away. “I literally… have no. Fucking. Clue.” It sounds like she’s talking to herself more than anything and Quinn isn’t sure how to respond.

“Well, I… whatever I can do -- ”

“Have you ever had something… absolutely, absolutely insane happen to you? Like… you would never believe it yourself but it happened to you and you have to fucking deal with it so you have to believe it.” Tina’s breaths come more quickly as she continues, her fists curling tighter around the steering wheel. “And I don’t know how to fucking deal with it, but I fucking have to because -- because I have to and I’m this thing now -- ”

“Hey, Tina, hey, breathe,” Quinn says hurriedly, trying to put a hand on her shoulder but the angle from outside the car window is awkward and she doesn’t know if it would be appreciated. Her mind spins with those words -- you have to believe it, I’m this thing now -- and it’s scarily similar to Quinn’s own thoughts when she first… turned, over three years ago.

But Tina can’t be a werewolf too, her skin… Quinn thinks. Thankfully Tina’s breathing has mostly gone back to normal and she just looks exhausted again, her forehead resting on the steering wheel and hands loose in her lap now. What the fuck. What the fuck am I about to do.

Despite all her instincts and rationale screaming at her not to do it, Quinn says shakily, “I think I get it,” and when Tina turns to look at her, she inhales and says in a whisper, so quiet she’s not sure if Tina can hear, “I’m a werewolf.”

Tina stares and Quinn starts thinking and thinking about how she can take it back, it was a joke, there’s obviously no such thing as werewolves, what the fuck was she saying, what was she thinking revealing this to a near stranger --

“I think… I think I’m technically a vampire.”

Oh. Quinn stares back at her.

Some of the tension seems to have gone out of Tina’s body. There’s another silence. “Can I trust you?” Tina asks quietly.

“What -- ? I mean, yeah…” Quinn swallows. “Yes, you can. Of course. I think if there’s one person you could trust with this, it’s me.”

Please trust me.

“Thank you,” Tina whispers, like she just has no energy to speak louder. “I just can’t think right now, I think I need… like, fucking blood, probably, I don’t know…” She looks down at her hands hopelessly. “I think I might be dying.” She laughs humorlessly. “Again, I guess.”

Quinn thinks for a moment, taking in the almost metallic pallor of Tina’s skin and the difference in her irises that she noticed earlier. “How long have you… been a vampire?”

Is this the answer to what she’s been wondering about?

“A few months, I guess.” (There it is… Quinn wonders if anyone might have noticed something different in her for the months after her first night as a wolf.) “There was another vampire -- nicer than the one who bit me -- ” her voice goes hard and tight on bit -- “who gave me some blood for a while. But I don’t know where they are now. They said they never stayed in one place for a long time. So I guess I’m starving to death. I don’t know.”

“Can’t you, like, get blood… somewhere?”

“I can barely stand talking to you right now, to be honest,” Tina says. “I don’t think I could go near other people right now.”

Right. Quinn curses her complete lack of knowledge on vampires besides that from popular media, which probably doesn’t apply very well to this situation. This feels absolutely ridiculous, though she’s been through weirder herself… still. Her first full moon was a disaster and she doesn’t know how to deal with this either. But…

“I might be able to help,” she says, standing up straighter and finally handing Tina’s phone back to her. Tina pauses before taking it, as if she forgot about it; Quinn has, too, for the most part. The project is definitely not a priority now. “I know absolutely nothing about vampires,” Quinn continues, “but I have my own needs as a werewolf. I know a place -- it’s where I hunt. Animals.”

Tina seems to wince at the words. Quinn vaguely remembers hearing about how Tina doesn’t eat meat, for the most part. She could probably avoid thinking about it when someone else was getting her blood, but this will be direct. This will be a change.

Quinn presses on. “You need blood. Everything in history about vampires says that -- they can’t all be wrong. Please let me help you.”

“Okay,” Tina says weakly, nodding a little. “Give me the address, or whatever -- ”

“I’m driving you. In this car. And staying with you.” Quinn doesn’t back down as Tina’s eyes snap to hers, and her mouth opens to protest. “Seriously. I’m helping you with this. And you’ll crash the car if you drive yourself.”

Her head falls back against the headrest. “You’re lucky I’m exhausted and dying, Fabray,” she grumbles. She gets out and goes around the front of the car into the passenger seat, and Quinn slides into the driver’s seat, putting her bag in the back. She instinctively reaches to turn down the heat, but remembers Tina’s freezing skin.

“You can turn it down,” Tina says. “I don’t even feel cold. I just wanted my skin to feel normal to other people, which clearly wasn’t working.” Quinn gives her a glance to make sure, but Tina is just leaned against the window, body slumped and tired.

She turns it down just a little.

Then remembering something else Tina said earlier, Quinn asks warily, “Are you okay with me in the car right now? I know you said earlier you could barely stand it…”

Tina shrugs. “I mean, I have to be, don’t I?” Quinn doesn’t answer, and Tina looks over at her and chuckles a little. “Don’t worry, Fabray, I won’t kill you and drain your blood. Although it does sound… appetizing right now.”

“Haven’t you read Twilight? My blood tastes awful to vampires,” Quinn jokes, trying to lighten the mood as she pulls the car out of the school parking lot.

“Is that really a thing?”

Quinn laughs lightly. “I think so, I don’t know. But that is something I’m thinking about when it comes to vampires, so I must’ve heard it somewhere.”

Tina hums. “I never read or watched Twilight. My parents wouldn’t let me; my mom said she thought Kristen Stewart seemed like a bitch.” She lets out a short laugh. “The irony.”

“Do your parents know?”

“No. Yours?”

“No.” It’s honestly too easy for Quinn to hide it from her mom and her mom’s boyfriend. They’re never home and when they are, they leave Quinn alone, which is fine by her, especially on full moons or random weird days when she needs to leave. She does whatever the fuck she wants; they don’t question it. She supposes there are worse ways to live, especially while being a werewolf.

“How am I supposed to tell them?” Tina asks, looking out the window. “I thought I’d have to worry about telling them I thought Kristen Stewart was hot, not that I had basically become her -- or, her character.”

“Well, you could lead with the first thing? Maybe that’ll make it a little easier to accept. Or you could lead with the second, and while they’re freaking out about that, just drop in that you like girls.”

“Ha ha.”

“It’s good advice, I just might follow it myself,” Quinn jokes.

“…You like girls?” Tina asks. “Or -- you don’t have to answer that, sorry -- ”

Quinn glances at her. “Yeah.”

“Cool. Let me know how it goes, if you do follow that advice,” Tina teases lightly.

Quinn laughs harshly at the mere thought of coming out to her mom. She might’ve been able to come around about her teenage pregnancy, but Quinn doesn’t miss the tone her voice takes on when she asks about Kurt or when Quinn mentions him, when Quinn’s watching something on TV or reading a book, when she sees something in the news.

“Well I’m not coming out anytime soon.”

“That’s fine,” Tina says, her voice soft and tired but sincere.

“Kurt’s the only other person who knows, though, so… yeah, you know… trust thing.”

“Of course. Thanks for telling me.”

And Quinn does trust Tina, with this, with the werewolf thing… she’s wondering how Tina managed to win her trust so quickly... and friendship.

Hopefully, Tina trusts her enough for what they’re about to do.

“We’re here,” Quinn says, pulling into a dirt area surrounded by woods. She puts the car in park and hears Tina take a deep breath. She looks nervous and Quinn doesn’t need to imagine to have an idea of what’s going through her head right now. She takes one of her freezing hands in her own, holds it between them. “Tina. I’ll be here for you, okay? I’ll help you. Are you ready?”

“Absolutely not. Do you know anything about vampires hunting?”

“Is it so different from turning into a wolf and hunting?” Quinn jokes, then asks seriously, “Do you need a minute?”

“No.” Tina removes her hand to open the door and Quinn misses the contact, the… warmth, even from her cold skin.

When she gets out of the car and comes up next to her, Tina shoots her a grateful smile -- small, but genuine. Something Quinn hasn’t seen in months. She’s missed it.

(Shit, Kurt was right, she thinks, and if this is any indication, she won’t ever get tired of that smile.)

“Thank you, Quinn, for helping me with this.”

“Of course.”

Quinn’s hand suddenly finds itself in Tina’s again, and she can feel Tina’s hand shaking a little. Quinn gives her a small, reassuring squeeze. “Let’s go.”

***

small notes for after bc i didn’t want to “spoil” this before lol !!

this is in the werewolf!quinn / vampire!tina au i’ve written in before :) if u wanna check that out hehe here’s my fic tag :P

this and this are the two that are most connected to this one tho if u want to read :3 especially the second one -- i think that’s kind of a continuation of this fic, or like the next scene i guess

no one really cares but i started out with this prompt thinking about a more canon s1 au where it was tina saying the prompt about quinn during her pregnancy but idk somehow it turned into this instead slfdkjkd

i really didn’t have many notes lmao that’s it thanks for reading if u did <3

#quinntina #tina cohen chang #quinn fabray #glee #glee fic #idk what i need to put as like warnings i guess i'm just trying to think of things i've seen tagged on fics lol #but lmk if anyone needs anything specific tagged <3 #my ficsssss #prompt fills :))#asks #sparrow-mp3 #heck yeah i learned how to save an ask as a draft on desktop without an extension lol #writing and reading this just made me want to write more in this verse lol #some of the stuff i have is actually so soft i'm very happy with it haha #YK WHAT I'M JUST GONNA POST THIS TONIGHT AHHHH LSKGHDFJS #god i'm like honestly kinda nervous about some of this also lmao my cat just jumped in my lap and scared the shit out of me lskghsfj #idk if i'm overthinking everything about this or if it actually does need to be changed lmao idkkk #this also isn't very like romantic quinntina slkdhg sorry about that

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flooffybits · 4 years

Text

To Be Who We Are

Idol: Jennie Kim (Blackpink)

Request: Yes

@jabamiwh0re: hiii,,, can you pls do a jennie imagine/scenario? where you both have homophobic parents, so you eventually save up enough money to run away (you’re teens) and feel free for once. and ya know, even though it was always pretty clear, the reader and jennie confess their feelings. a coming of age type moment would be awesome haha. gxg too pls🥺.

Warning: homophobia

Author’s note: it’s stated very clear in the request, but to anyone who struggles with things similar to this (transphobia, biphobia, etc) please do not be afraid to slide into my dms if you need someone to talk to or just listen. I want all my readers to feel comfortable with being who they are no matter the race, gender, sexuality, or anything.

Trudging over to the next class, you hoisted your bag over your shoulder so it wouldn’t slip off. You weren’t really in the mood to be listening to your teacher drone on and on about some dead people, but it beat being at home with your parents and listen to them talk horribly about your parents.

It would have been fine if they did anything to make your parents upset, but the thing was, when your mother went to welcome them into the neighborhood, she assumed that the two were brothers or friends. When she found out that the two were actually married, she didn’t hide her disgust when she excused herself and went back home, as if they had some horrendous disease.

It angered you to hear them so lowly about the two and the community in general that you ended up speaking up just to defend them. Your mother looked completely stricken while your father’s scowl deepened. “They shouldn’t even exist. What makes them think that it’s nice to see two men kissing?” You mother sneered and you clenched your jaw. “They’re people, they aren’t any different from you and dad.”

“Are you defending them?” Your father looked absolutely mortified while your mother gasped. “There is no way that my daughter will be associated with anything like… that.” She shook her head and inside, you actually felt your heart ache when she asked. “You aren’t like them, right honey?” Your father answered before you could open your mouth. “We raised her better than that. There’s no chance.”

You couldn’t tell them. After weeks of trying to build up the courage to come out to your parents, this exact moment wiped all optimistic thoughts you tried to have. So to escape the tense atmosphere, you made a quick excuse and left, stating that you would be late if you stayed longer.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A voice intercepted your thoughts and a gentle hand found its place on the small of your back.

When you looked to the side, you found your best friend staring at you with a frown on her own face. “I don’t think I’ve seen you this upset to come to school.” She tries to cheer you up with a joke, but it does very little to forget what happened that morning.

“Sorry, Jen. I’ve just been thinking about stuff.” You sighed and the worry grows as she wraps her arms around yours, hugging it against her chest as you both headed to class. “What’s wrong?” She inquires and your gaze drops to the floor.

If anyone knew about your sexuality, it was definitely the girl next to you. You’ve both known each other since elementary school and you’ve been attached to the hip since. That was why it wasn’t a surprise when you began to have not so friendly feelings for the girl when high school started.

She was there for you when you were confused about your sexuality, and she was there to listen when you finally realized that you were, in fact, interested in women. And she didn’t pull away from you when you told her. In fact, it strengthened the bond between the two of you.

Jennie was the person you turned to when things were too much. She was your rock and kept you grounded when sometimes you felt as though giving up was the only option.

“Just my parents.” You mumble when you both got to the room and took your respective seats next to each other. She sat down and shifted so she’s looking at you. “You told them already?” She asked softly, but you shook your head before beginning to tell her what happened that morning. The more you said, it was clear on her face that she was not happy.

You didn’t even realize you were crying until she cupped your cheek to wipe away your tears. “Hey, it’s okay.” She said gently after pulling her hands away. “You don’t have to tell them anything. I get that they’re your parents, but if that’s how they spoke to you earlier, I think it’s best to hold off for now.”

Coming out after such a revelation didn’t seem like the safest option for you and Jennie did not want to have you in a situation that could potentially harm you, physically or emotionally.

“But what if they find out?” You couldn’t help but ask. “They won’t. It’s not like there’s anyone to tell them.” She tells you before huffing and then leaning back against her seat and the look on her face makes you raise a brow as she chuckled humorlessly.

“What?”

The brunette purses her lips before glaring at her desk. “My parents know… and they pretty much threw a fit.” Your eyes widened at the admission before you’re reaching to touch her arm. “And before you ask, I’m fine.” She smiles at you, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “They’re just a bit more tight with me. I can’t be around girls they aren’t acquainted with and they have to be sure the girl is straight.” That made you stiffen and Jennie noticed before she placed her hand on yours. “They’re perfectly fine with me around you. They don’t know, and I’m keeping it that way because I’ll be damned if they force me away from you.”

Her hand lingers on your skin before she pulled away and rested her head on her desk. “It’s bad enough that our own parents can’t accept us, I’d rather they don’t reject you, too.”

“Ready?” Jennie asked when she met your eyes and you nodded your head while holding the envelope tightly in your hands. Your heart was beating loud in your ears as you stared at the logo and sucked in a deep breath to calm your nerves.

This would be your ticket of getting away from your parents. Both you and Jennie have been working so hard through high school just to get into the same college. If you both got in, then everything would be easier for the both of you.

Both your parents have been getting more and more difficult to tolerate over the years. They kept questioning you on your lack of a relationship while Jennie’s parents had boys from their friends be shoved at her face in hopes of “cleaning” her supposed horrid mindset.

The brunette met your gaze and you both counted to three before slowly opening the envelope to see the letter that was delivered to both of you. As your eyes scanned the page, you felt your heart in your throat when you read the words printed on the paper.

Congratulations! You have been accepted into…

The more you read the letter, the more you felt relief wash over you. Jennie was already buzzing in her seat, grinning widely when she saw that she was accepted. But as she looked over to you, her smile quickly faded when she saw the blank look on your face.

“Y/n?”

When you finally look up at her, a gasp falls from her lips and she quickly hops out of her seat to hug you, but stops when you speak. “I got in.” You said in an almost breathless manner. “I got in.” You repeated, trying to convince yourself that you were finally able to leave the prison that you were trapped in and Jennie smiled widely before she engulfed you into the tightest hug that she could muster.

“We did it, Y/n.” She sobs and it’s only then that you realize that she’s crying, too. So you both hold each other, feeling a weight finally fall from your shoulders and you’re finally able to breathe again.

You and Jennie go back and forth between your houses, fixing everything that you needed so that you would be ready to leave when it was time to go. The allowances that you saved was all gathered in a jar, so when you opened up a bank account, you would have everything saved up there.

“Are we good to go?” Jennie called you early in the day. She couldn’t contain her excitement. This was something she was wanting to do for so long, and now she was finally able to move away from her parents and live without having to deal with anyone tormenting her just for being herself.

She had both of your plane tickets since you were flying out together. Luckily, her parents still trusted you and even asked you to make sure that Jennie wasn’t causing trouble. It was very clear what they meant, and with that, decided to help with an apartment that was off campus.

Jennie denied her parents, not wanting to feel indebted to them or to let them have any leverage against both of you if something ever happened in the future.

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” You told her when you hoisted your backpack over your shoulder then grabbed your luggage from the corner of the room. You didn’t even bother looking back when you left the house and ran to Jennie’s car, throwing your arms around her when she greeted you and she gave you a small squeeze while the driver put your things inside the trunk.

When you both pulled back, Jennie smiled widely at you, her hands on your hips as her eyes shined bright. “Gotta get going or else we’ll miss our flight.” She tells you and you nod before remembering something. You quickly grabbed her hand and ran over to your neighbors, knocking on their door and earning a confused look from your best friend.

When the door opens, one of them greets you with a smile. “Y/n, what are you doing here at this time?” The man chuckles before he notices the presence of another person beside you. His smile grows bigger. “Is this-”

But before he could finish, you wrapped your arms around his torso, catching him off guard while patting your back. “Woah, hey. What’s this about?” Behind your parents’ back, you often visited the pair when you could and they welcomed you with open arms. You were able to confide in them when you had struggles with your parents.

Of course, you told Jennie everything, but since she wasn’t that close to your home, your neighbors acted as your guardians and you told them whatever you could.

“I have to get going now.” You told him and the realization dawns on his face before he returns your hug with the same energy. “God, I’m gonna miss you, kiddo. Be sure to text me or Dylan.” He tells you and you nod quickly.

He then turns back to Jennie, who shyly waves a hand. “This is the best friend, I assume?” You nodded before looking over to the other girl and offering a hand, which she quickly took.

“Hello.” She greeted and the man smiled before nodding to her. “Well, it’s sad that I have to meet you at the last moment, but take care of this one for me.” He gestured to you and Jennie beamed, squeezing your hand as she nodded her head. “Always.” She assured him before you checked the time.

The man noticed and smiled at you both. “Well, I’ll see you whenever. I’ll be sure to tell Dylan you came by.” He tells you before turning to Jennie. “And hopefully, we get to talk more.” She smiled at him, agreeing to meet when you decided to visit before you both bid your goodbyes and headed off.

The first semester was slowly coming to an end and it was safe to say that you and Jennie were doing amazing on your own. The apartment wasn’t too far away, so you didn’t have to worry about being late. There was a little cafe that you stopped by every morning to have breakfast and Jennie was brighter than you’ve ever seen her and it made your heart warm.

Being away from her parents really gave her the chance to shine and you were proud of the person she was. She was reaching the potential she had to put away due to the restraints her parents had on her and was now thriving with everything she loved.

And the same could be said for you.

Ever since classes started, you were able to do more than you usually would. Without your parents breathing down your neck, you were able to find inspiration with your works and motivation to do the things you used to. You surrounded yourself with people who cared for you and encouraged you to do more, though not forgetting about the one person who had been a constant in your life since day one.

“You’re home!” Jennie’s voice greeted when you closed the door and took off your shoes. Seeing her made you smile like usual. It was as though she was your own personal happy pill and you were hers. “Hey, what have you been up to?” You ask her when you put your things on the table.

Jennie was in charge of the kitchen, claiming it even before you got to see the apartment. And it wasn’t because she didn’t trust you, but Jennie was very particular when it came to cooking, so you let her be.

“Well, I finished my homework for the next two or three days. I’m just waiting for the cupcakes to finish up.” She gestured to the oven and you nodded your head before taking a seat across from her. “Will you be busy tonight?” She asked carefully and you raise a brow at her. “Not really. So far, we’re only drafting a few things.” She reached over to wipe the bit of paint that you failed to get off earlier.

When she realized it wasn’t coming off too easily, she went to grab a towel and washed it with soap before she came back and cupped your chin before tilting your head up. “You know… I was hoping we could talk. It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to just hang out with just the two of us.” She tells you while focusing on getting rid of the paint.

“I didn’t realize.” You say apologetically and Jennie shows her infamous gummy smile. “It’s not bad. I guess we’ve both so used to having each other around.” She chuckled before checking to see if there was more paint to remove.

But as her eyes scanned your face, they slowly came to a stop when they meet your own staring right at her with a soft smile on your lips. A blush quickly spreads on her cheeks but she doesn’t look away and, instead wrapped her arms around your neck. “We’ve been through a lot, you know.” She murmurs when her fingers lightly play with your hair. “I often wonder what would happen if I didn’t have you.”

You don’t quite understand where she was getting at, but you made no move to interrupt her as she spoke. “But when I try to think about it, I’m terrified with the thought of not having you next to me.” She whispers and your heart jumps while your arms loop around her petite waist.

“I really… really love you, Y/n.” Her forehead presses against yours and her eyes shut tight.

Even though you were both always so affectionate with each other and that it was clear to all of your friends that you weren’t exactly just plain best friends, you’ve never really said anything in regards to your feelings toward one another.

Her eyes always had that certain emotion in them when she stared at you, and it was clear that you reciprocated them when you stared back at her. But you were both just so caught up with everything and the things your parents have implanted in your head that you never got the chance to be honest with each other.

Until now.

Cupping her cheek, you move to place a tender kiss to her forehead before she’s burying her face into the crook of your neck and clinging to you. “I love you, too, Jen.” You whisper and she lets out a sigh of both relief and content with no longer having to keep her emotions bottled up.

She knew from the get go that she was in love with you.

It was only a matter of time, and it looked like she got it right with every choice she made when it came to you.

With her, you were free.

With you, she was her own person.

Together, you didn’t have to keep cowering behind masks and just let yourselves live as Jennie and Y/n.

#girl group #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #blackpink #blackpink scenarios #blackpink imagines #jennie #jennie kim #jennie scenarios #jennie imagines #jennie blackpink #blackpink jennie #bp jennie

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sasukyss · 4 years

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Here we go

List of all my animals (dead and alive)

Ok, in gonna divide this into sections depending on the species of the animals, cause I had a fuckton of them.

CATS

1. Marie (dead): she was ginger and white and I think she might of been our first cat? Idk I don't really remember but I do know that we picked her up off the street lol.

2. Beauty (alive): she's our oldest animal! She's white and we've had her for around 10 years and we got her from our plumbers.

3. Milly (dead): she was Beauties daughter, she was a tabby cat. Milly only died a few years ago, she was also one of our longest living animals. Fun fact about her, she got shot and lost feeling in her tail but she lived! She died of feline leukemia lol

4. Molly (dead): Milly's sister, she was also tabby but with darker colouring, I think she got poisoned by one of our neighbours. She was sweet

5. Spider (???): one of Milly's litter of kittens, he was a dark tabby colour and he hated my entire family and he ran away the moment he could

6. Tiger (???): another one of Milly's, he was like Spider but lighter in colouring. He also hated us and ran away.

7. Ariel (???): part of Milly's litter, I named her Ariel cause she had a ginger bit on her head lmao. She hated my entire family and also ran away

8. Lucky (dead): he was my trans cat!! He wasn't really part of Milly's litter cause we found him when he was a newborn in the rubbish, but Milly happened to be feeding the kittens and she took him. He was ginger and white.

9. Angel Milk (???): she was black and white and we only had for a bit and then we dropped her off at this house cause we couldn't look after her and then we never saw her again.

10. Hope (dead): we found her in another village when she was a kitten, sadly she was a carrier of feline leukemia so she died of it and also gave it to my other cat who died a few years later. Hope was white with random patches of tabby fur everywhere

11. Buttercup (dead): A SWEETHEART. She was tabby with super long fur and she was sweet and she had two kittens and I loved her a lot

12. Guppy (dead): one of Buttercups litter, he was super long and he had long dark tabby fur.

13. Kevin (dead): Guppy's brother, he was my neighbours cat and I think he only died a few years ago. He had the same fur and colour as his brother.

14. Biscuit (???): He was ginger and one of my favourite cats, super sweet and I loved him a whole lot

15. Mopsy (dead): we got him along with his sister from our school when he was a kitten. He was super big and had dark tabby fur.

16. Roberta (alive): HOMOPHOBIC BITCH. She's so grumpy and I hate her, I actually have photos of her so here

17. Arya (alive): gay ass cat. We thought he was a girl at first cause he was so pretty but turns out he's a dude and hes super gay

18. Arnold (alive): my beloved, I love you sm. He's great and I'd die for him. He's also bisexy

19. Lucy (alive): BABY PLS COME HOME. She's not dead but she's in England with my brothers, I miss you 💔 here's a pic of her assaulting her child

20. Lucy's litter of kittens whose names I only remember two of so here's a photo of them (all alive minus 1):

DOGS

1. Rocket (dead): stupid and dumb. He was small and was light brown with darker colours on his snout and legs.

2. Daphne (dead): my beloved, you may have been dumb as shit but you cared and thats what counts. She was super scruffy and she was black with light brown on her snout and belly.

3. Daphnes first litter of puppies that was like 6 and idk what happened to any of them cause my mom gave them away at my school and these kids just took them home and I nev r saw any of them again.

4. Fred (alive): we called her Fred cause we thought she was a dude but suprise, she wasn't and she had 13 puppies cause my dad dumped her in this village in the mountains and we found her again cause my uncle bought a house there and we had to check on it. Oh yeah she was also coloured like a Dalmatian lol.

5. Marbles (dead): honestly I don't remember where we got him all I know is that we had him and his brother when they were puppies and one day we found him dead. He was white with brown patches.

6. Domino (alive): my neighbours took him in, he was Marbles brother and he grew up to be fucking huge. Hes white with brown patches.

7. Goldy (alive): part of Daphnes second litter of puppies, Daphne had like 7 but one got killed by Fred who had her puppies at the same time. Yes I was there and saw her with it in her mouth. It wasn't fun. She's called Goldy cause she had blonde fur lmao

8. Tinkerbell (dead): looked like a Yorky but longer and scruffier, she could jump super high and she got run over by my neighbour

9. May (dead): she didn't last long, she was white and was a puppy and she also got ran over by my neighbour

10. Annabelle (alive): she looks like a rat, she's from this litter of puppies we found near one of our neighbours houses, shes white with black patches.

11. Toby (dead): he was brown and big and he would always break out of the dog house. He got hit by a car and it broke his spine so they had to put him down.

HAMSTERS

We had two generations of them, the first batch had babies and thats how we figured out that if you touch baby hamsters their mother will eat them cause she doesn't recognize their scent. So in total 8 hamsters (gen. 1 and 2) and some like 6 babies.

FISH

We had a fucktonnn, and they'd die every few months so we'd got back to this festival where we got them. I think the ones we had the longest was one of mine (Aurora) and one of my brothers (Stitch).

CHICKENS

Ok so we had three gens of them

Gen 1: I don't remember a lot but ik the rooster was called Scooby-Doo (my younger brothers choice). Also they got killed by this thing called a genet that Fred ended up killing

Gen 2: again idkkk, ik they were black and they hated these other chickens we had. Also they ate baby mice

Gen 3: they were this single rooster and these two chickens, the rooster kept getting beat up by the ducks so we had to move him away. Just so you know chickens don't die pretty.

DUCKS

Yes we had fucking ducks, cause my brothers a dumbass and wanted some for a reason

Roberto (alive): idkk ik hes the one that actually lived and we need up giving him to one of my mom's friends.

Roberta (dead): idk what happened to this one I didn't really care tbh.

RABBITS

Snowy (dead): ok so we called Snowy sumo rabbit cause she was fucking huge and albino. Also funny story, but we thought Snowy was a dude so we would get her other rabbits but she ended up killing them all, so we eventually figured out Snowy was a girl so we got her a dude rabbit, and yeah she got pregnant but she also killed the dude rabbit, so yeah...

She had like two litters of them and they all died lol.

Carrots (dead): I miss you 💔 super great, even if she didn't like anyone. She also had kid rabbits and these ones actually lived. Also she was orange so that's why we called her carrots.

Thumper (dead):, he was a dwarf rabbit, he was black and white and he was the father of these other two rabbits we had.

Bruce (alive): idk why he's called Bruce, I thinks he's black and white but I don't remember

Jean (alive): again, idk about the name. This one's white and brown I think.

BIRDS

Ok so we had one budgie which we called Peanut and I don't remember what happened to him, and then we had two lovebirds and I'm pretty sure we named one after my uncle cause the bird was bald like him. Yes they are both dead.

#long post #god this took fucking ages #tw animal death #i dont go into detail but yeah theres mentions of dead puppies and kittens and dogs being run over lol #never doing this again

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munamania · 4 years

Text

the promise (ch. 1)

a/n: hi yes i wrote for the clown gays like a year ago and im deciding to post this now sjdghfg pls be kind

pair: richie tozier/eddie kaspbrak

word count: 8.5k

warnings: swearing, blood ment, homophobic slurs, abuse mentions, psychological trickery, richie’s parents start out a lil absent but they get better i promise

excerpt: “You’re gonna miss curfew, Rich,” Eddie mumbles, leaning out the window on his elbows. And Richie hears it: you’re alone, you know what could happen. Stay safe.

“I’m not afraid, Eds.” He means it. Richie can’t draw up what fear even feels like right then. With a flick of an eyebrow, he nods toward the door. “Mother is waiting.”

“I know.”

read on ao3

No, it’s not that Richie is gay. It’s not like he daydreams about taking it up the ass all fucking day.

Henry Bowers and his dipshit crew might have a different opinion, but they can honestly, truly suck his dick (in the non-homo way - he has taste). The fact that they took joy in throwing him and his friends around, calling them names, and threatening their whole lives never mattered before; the losers took care of each other, and most of the time it was easy to forget about those other assholes.

Being called four-eyes when he needed glasses in the second grade never got to him that bad - they were saving him from having to see their ugly faces when they knocked them off, so really, he should have thanked them - and he didn’t care when they shoved him around for being short before his growth spurt, and it didn’t even bother him that much when they mocked his totally refined voices. He knew his own talent, and what he could do with it if he could just focus.

But the first time they singled him out as the fag of the group, well, it stung.

He never told the others about that day. He never told them how long he cried, how broken he felt sobbing on that park bench. He never worked up the nerve to tell them why he couldn’t face Paul Bunyan anymore, no, he simply breezed past without lifting his eyes, without missing a beat of conversation.

At least it got easier with time.

All things considered, his home life isn’t terrible.

Richie has his own room, a roof, and usually a decently-stocked fridge. Enough to get by.

He’s left alone a lot. His parents are always at work, and when they’re not, they take on the personalities of monotonous robots sitting in front of the TV, so he spends a lot of time skimming through comics or jacking off when he’s not running around with his friends.

But, that’s just the thing. Somehow, Richie, life of every conversation, King of Comedy, Trashmouth, funny-man Tozier, was born to the most boring people of all time. They never engage with his jokes; on a good day, he receives a breezy, “That’s nice, sweetie,” from his mom, or, “Okay, that’s enough, son,” from his dad. Blank stares. Pasty, purple-tinted white eyes. Never a hug, never much past a ‘goodnight.’ Not even a simple, “How was school?” when they got home.

Richie vividly remembers the day that he bounced in his seat at the end-of-the-year ceremony at school, a bustling bundle of nerves prepared to brag and boast to his parents about his awards in science and, surprisingly (his teacher hated him) English - he took to the dramatics of Shakespeare quite well. He practiced his entrance to them several times over in his head, perhaps overly, unconvincingly modest or Shakespeare wants what I have. Anything to get a laugh. A ruffle of his hair from his dad. A forehead kiss from his mom, like when he was little.

They didn’t show. He still doesn’t know where he went wrong.

In a stark, bubbling contrast to his parents, there’s this kid in his group of friends. He remembers one of the first times they met, the boy approaching him, all sweet apple-cheeked and neat polo and ironed khaki shorts; Richie had flicked an eyebrow upward, a not-so-subtle really?, because he never figured that clean-freak Eddie Kaspbrak would be able to handle more than three seconds in Trashmouth Tozier’s presence.

But boy, was he a lot of fun.

Eddie was loud and super easily wound-up, screaming about fucking UTIs and do not fucking push me man all the piss on the walls of this city could fill the lake and despite his good-boy appearance, he shot back with just as much fire as Richie threw at him.

And fuck, Richie loves it. He loves the ease with which they bounce back and forth. He loves the fury in the boy’s eyes when Richie pisses him off, the laughter that always comes about between them once they settle. The crossing arms and pouting Eddie, who he theorizes secretly loves it when Richie calls him pet names (not that he’d ever admit it); the loud and greatly-gesticulating Eddie who yells louder and pushes harder when Richie coos at him; the one who quietly accepts Richie’s affection, and offers it back in subtle ways: simply holding Richie’s arm when he slings his arms around Eddie’s neck from behind, allowing him to sit next to him thigh-to-thigh, and overall not completely cringing and pushing him off. He took it as a compliment, though they’d never mention it out loud.

On an unfortunate night, his comfortable little world comes crashing down.

His parents are out for some sort of conference weekend trip or whatever, and they’ve called in his deadbeat uncle to ‘watch over the house.’ Not necessarily him (probably because he isn’t home that much), but the house obviously can’t stand up by itself—and, well, maybe they didn’t trust Richie to not accidentally leave the door open, or leave the stove on, or some other stupidly irresponsible little thing. So, the crusty old guy shows up with his greasy, oiled hair and his lack of deodorant and his wilting knees. It makes Richie miss Eddie so, so much when they part, because a.) he smells a lot better, and b.) it would be fucking hilarious for him to see what Richie has to put up with. Like, he’s really not the most rodent-like of his family.

Anyway, Richie doesn’t remember what he says. Something slightly instigative, about the lack of any gourmet-level food in the house (he claimed calmly while wasting away on microwave tater tots and bread, even though his parents had left behind plenty of money to keep him alive), and then suddenly hands were on him.

It stings like a bitch.

His uncle gets up, with a quiet mumble that Richie makes out to be, “Well, let’s see…” and when he finally gets in the kitchen, facing Richie with eyes rung red and shaking fists, he grabs his nephew by a fistful of t-shirt and shoves him against the counter.

At that moment, he really wants his mom. Why the fuck did she and dad leave him with this guy?

“I don’t see you fucking working, or doing much of anything around here, kiddo.”

“Funny, I was gonna say the same to you.”

A blow to his mouth. Richie resists the urge to lift trembling fingers to the spot that he can feel swelling.

“Don’t talk to me like that, asshole! You think you’re so fucking funny, huh?” His uncle drags him forward and shoves him back with conviction, and this time Richie doesn’t answer.

He should have known to stay quiet when he saw his uncle drinking and smoking incessantly in the house, even though his mother had requested that he stay outside for that. It must have been a rough day at the bar, or wherever the fuck he spent his time.

“You need to learn when to be quiet, dipshit. Have some fucking respect.”

For the guy who ignored him for years, didn’t stay in touch, and wasted his existence away on the couch.

Right.

But Richie is snapped from his indignant, grounding thoughts when his uncle lowers his voice. “Do I make myself clear?”

Richie frowns in his face, utterly confused from the swell of attention, still limply holding a bag of bread in his left hand.

“Do I make myself clear?”

“Y-yes sir.”

The wretched man makes a point to push him into the corner of the cupboards with such a force that he collapses to his knees and can just feel the bruises forming. And he sits there for a minute, all sorts of betrayal and anger and sadness suffocating him.

But he stands up.

And with stinging eyes, a stuffy nose, and shaking hands, he makes himself a simple peanut butter sandwich.

And he stays upstairs for the remainder of the night

It’s a warm, soothing day outside; the sun glows and birds are chirping like some kind of fucking cartoon. In the tall grass the losers sit in frogs croak and crickets chirp and they make a mess of themselves in the circle they form.

“Damn, Rich, what happened to you?” comes Stan’s voice, concerned eyes flashing down to his now royally fucked-up mouth.

“Yeah, dude, what the fuck?” says Bev through a sandwich, truly a charmer.

Richie grins at Bev but answers to Stan, ignoring the sting in the corner of his lips. “Guess I’m a fighter at heart.”

“Richie—“

Bev chimes in once again, a bright, snarky grin on her face, “Richie, you can tell us if it was another accident, we won’t judge. Promise.”

Bev has a way about her; he knows she’s not genuinely the largest, most gaping asshole on earth, and that she actually cared a lot and cried over her friends in the darkest nights, but she also knew how to make light of something dark (even the worst). She probably knew. She probably just had his back in her own funny way, like taking the pressure off the reality.

“Bev, I’ve really, truly, always appreciated your charm, but as my dearest favorite person on earth, fuck off.”

“Richie,” Bill says, then hesitates. In that time, Bev flips Richie the bird, which he answers with an air kiss. “What really h-ah-happened?” He looks him over with a frown, clear blue eyes swallowing him in concern and maybe love.

Richie offers a simple smirk before settling against the trunk of a tree. “Don’t worry about it, Billiam. I’ve got it under control.”

“Whatever you say,” Bev says. She tosses a baggie over to him with his favorite sandwich.

Stan isn’t so easily convinced, eyeing Richie up carefully, but he sits with Bev on the boulder she’s settled on when Richie doesn’t falter in his casual disposition.

It takes a lot of work, as always.

Ben shows up moments later, with a calm and tender, “You alright, Rich?” and when Richie goes off on a stupid tough-guy spiel, he simply lays at the foot of the boulder and flicks open a book, meeting Richie with one of his melting smiles, a gentle invitation, a sweet If you ever need it, I’m there, but allowing him the space to go on as normal. Which is nice.

Richie knows they all care. He knows he could tell them, could pour all of the terror and tragedy he felt the night before into the air and they’d fill up the space; Mike would give him the tightest hug in the world, one to combat the most heinous of things; Stan would sit with him as long as he needed it, Bev would come through with a smoke and the best advice in the world, and Ben would tell him stories or just hang out with him until everything felt a bit lighter, and Bill would give him anything in the world because Richie would do it back. That’s the way they were.

But he can’t do it.

“Sorry I’m late guys,” comes a nasally voice, huffing and puffing, new pressure leaning against the tree, and Richie grins. Eddie.

“It’s okay, Eds,” he says, reaching over a few fingers to tickle Eddie’s knee, giggling when the boy smacks at his hand and doubles over with an exclamatory, Richie!

The others offer a few sleepy greetings, all soaked up in their own forms of entertainment for the quiet afternoon: Bev and Ben, heads close enough to share his walkman; Stan, reading some lengthy oath to birds or something; Mike snoozing lightly on Bill’s shoulder while Bill pores over some adventure map from a fantasy novel.

They had all agreed that it was too tiresome to go swimming today, as the previous night was spent out at Stan’s with a bonfire, and for a few of them, some stolen booze (not very much, but enough that they could pretend to be drunk and giggle profusely). But they still wanted to hang out, so this was the middle ground. An afternoon picnic in the shade.

Eddie quickly notices his lip and drops down to his side. “Richie, what happened to you? Was it Bowers again? I swear to god, I will fucking kill that guy--”

Richie smiles softly at the protective words, and tries to turn it into a smirk. “Eddie, baby, don’t worry,” he says. “It’s just a little bump.”

Surprisingly, Eddie sidles up next to him, using the pad of his thumb to press at the sides of Richie’s mouth, apparently assessing some sort of damage. “Don’t call me that.” He scowls. “What did you do? Did you ice it? Clean this cut at all? Cause you could get an infection, you know, you really should clean it.”

Richie bats his eyes. “Clean it for me, sweets?”

“Fuck off. Forget I cared.”

“Ah, come on, Spaghettio. I didn’t mean it.” He pulls Eddie down with a simple gesture, pressing his palm to the boy’s shoulder and dragging. The boy rests against the trunk, nestled in Richie’s side.

But that’s the complicated thing. He sorta wishes he could mean it. In a small, poking-at-the-back-of-his-head-always kind of way.

“Just—tell me what happened,” Eddie pipes up quietly from his side.

When Richie glances down, he takes to heart how disgruntled Eddie still looks, crossing his arms and almost pouting.

He shrugs. “Your mother was simply affronted by how good I am with my mouth, Eds, she couldn’t take it anymore.”

Eddie presses his mouth into a line, rolls his eyes at the stupid British voice Richie had developed, and busies himself with a thrilling edition of The Lancet

Later, as dusk settles in and pale purple skies replace the bright blue, and the club leaves with simple ‘goodbye’s and promises to do something fun tomorrow, Eddie shifts from his nap. He’d passed out with his head slammed back against Richie’s arm (he’d caught it just before he fell to the ground, avoiding a lengthy rant about potential concussions and medical bills), curled in the opposite direction from Richie’s abdomen. As he wakes, through, he rolls over, elbow digging into Richie’s side.

“Ah-ow,” Richie groans, sitting up from his cataconic state of reading Ben’s stolen comics and avoiding moving and waking Eddie. But he’d just dug the pointiest part of his entire firecracker body into Richie’s ribs, where Richie had attempted and failed to nurse a bruise he’d accrued from a vicious cupboard corner. It was at an awkward angle, and he refused to go down to get more ice packs once they melted, so he slept unsoundly and laid uncomfortably.

“Sorry,” Eddie mumbles, voice muddled with sleep. “Shit, it’s late. When did I fall asleep? My mom’s gonna kill me.”

Even in that gurgly, world upside-down state of post-nap consciousness, the boy freaks out about his mother. Richie sighs and rubs his shoulder.

“You’re all good, Eddie boy,” he attempts for a creaky, witchy voice, but it’s half-assed because he gets so tired of this lady. Not Eddie ranting, that was fine, and he knew the kid needed to get it out of his system; but he was fucking tired of Mrs. K hurting his boy. “You took your meds on time, fell asleep shortly after. Might need to amputate my arm now, though.”

His boy.

Eddie sits up, and Richie stares at his back, illuminated in the dusk, because he wore a fun yellow today, resting prettily against his tanned, freckled skin.

(Maybe Richie had looked over, amused, for a few moments, as Eddie snored and twitched his nose in his sleep; and he counted the freckles on Eddie’s arm, his cheek, whatever he could see for entertainment.)

Eddie glances back at him, and Richie distracts himself with his bag, shifting his eyes awkwardly from the boy’s gaze.

“Well, well, good sir, shall I walk you home on this fine night?”

Eddie’s brow furrows. “Richie, what’s that?”

His eyes are trained intently on the aforementioned bruise, and its cousins that pepper his hips, only exposed because he slipped and let his shirt ride up when he bent over.

He clears his throat, scrambling for some dumbass answer, wholeheartedly unprepared for the severity of this conversation. “You know how the ladies throw themselves—“

“Okay, you know what, fine.” Eddie stands quickly, stumbling slightly, and braces himself against the tree. “You don't have to fucking tell me. Just come home with me, okay?”

“A night with Eddie Kaspbrak? Why, you’re really a dream-come-true kind of guy.”

“Your lip is bleeding again,” he responds simply, apparently not one for fun at this very moment. “I can clean it.”

Richie pops up from the ground, feeling quite pip pip, tally ho about the whole thing. “Righty-o, Eddie boy.

That’s how he ends up sitting on the edge of Eddie’s porcelain-white bathtub, dirtying it with his messy jeans and dirt-coated nails.

It takes a lot of strategic planning, lots of sneaking past Mrs. K, and then sweet-talking and kisses from Eddie once she wakes up freaking out about how late he was. But, after about fifteen minutes of contest-worthy screeching from the woman, Eddie stomps up the stairs, slams the door with a very I’m gonna pull my hair out look, and has to take about three extra minutes to compose himself, ranting under his breath.

Richie just stares at his distorted reflection in the shining silvery faucet, the violet under his eyes and the renewed puffiness of his lip, Hawaiian pattern of his shirt disheveled in the odd mirror.

He knows not to engage unless Eddie actually speaks up to him, meaning this run-in was probably just overly grating and mentally draining, considering, well, how his mother is. He just needs a second to get it out, not any kind of heartfelt talk (which Richie sucks at anyway) or even a lighthearted joke. The boy paces and growls into a fist. Then, eventually, he breathes, “Okay.”

Eighteen minutes. Eighteen minutes of sitting around and waiting for Eddie, just for him to kneel in front of Richie, doe eyes clear and focused, dabbing so, so gently at his battered lip.

In a way, it’s heaven.

“I take it your mom can’t wait for me to buy dinner, eh?”

Eddie sighs. “Apparently this time I’m gonna contract malaria, Rich, didn’t you know? There’s an incredible outbreak this time of year and I’m obviously not prepared to avoid fucking mosquitoes, what with my fifteen bottles of bug spray and essential oils. I’ll probably die tomorrow!”

“I will make sure that your funeral is a fucking rager dude, don’t you worry. Booze on me.”

A ghost of a smile.

“Richie…” he breathes out in a long winded way, saying nothing and everything for way too long. “Why don’t you stay here tonight?”

Richie raises an eyebrow. “Man, I thought you were gonna back out on your previous offer, but I guess the call for a night with Richie Tozier is too much to back away from. I get it.” He smiles painfully at the way Eddie’s face crumples with something like boredom. “Christ, dude, what’s your poison?” He makes a face at the antiseptic substance that trickles into his mouth.

“Maybe if you kept your mouth shut for once, this wouldn’t be an issue.”

Richie beams, which just causes Eddie to huff even more.

“Please, just stay still!

“It was my uncle,” Richie finally says, forcing a bored expression onto his face as he flips through a rather dull magazine, sprawled on Eddie’s bed. “And it wasn’t a big deal.”

Panic flashes across Eddie’s face. His cheeks burn red, and his leg jitters anxiously against Richie’s, but his voice remains level, which Richie thanks dear lordy Jesus for. “Your uncle? He hit you?”

“Well,” Richie pauses. “Uh, kinda. He was just really drunk, Eds, and he got mad and I was in the way.”

“In the way?”

He shrugs, a small smile quirking his lip up. “Am I not usually?”

“Rich.” Eddie’s voice is really soft in that moment, gentler and quieter than anything Richie has heard from him in all the time he’s known his fellow loudmouth. It simultaneously terrifies and thrills him. Eds. Eddie brings his knees to his chest, leaning back against the headboard. “You say a lot of dumb shit, but that doesn’t mean you should be hurt.” He must notice Richie’s uncomfortable look, because he adds lightly, “Most of the time, anyway.”

“Woah, Eddie, don’t go overboard with the kindness or anything--”

“Damn it, Richie.” He casts his eyes downward. “I’m just trying to say - um - thanks for telling me. Sorry if that’s fucked up to say, but I know you didn’t want to, so, yeah. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

Richie swallows deeply with a slow nod, focusing his eyes on the blurry words in front of him. “Well, if there’s anyone I’d tell, it’s Dr. K. He’s gonna be the one to save my life, right?”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Right.” He kicks at Richie’s foot, a subtle way of telling him to move over so he can get under the covers.

“Night, toots.”

“Goodnight, Richie.

Richie thinks he knows everything possible about Eddie thus far.

He knows when he needs to take his meds, an internal clock he recently developed; he knows that the boy is not nearly as fragile as he sometimes seems, and if he really tried, he could pack a punch; he knows that he loves fervently and he’ll always take care of his friends, even if it’s in a way that would usually disgust him.

Case in point: he didn’t seem to freak out at Richie’s bleeding lip, even when a steady stream of blood started dripping down his chin from the contact of trying to clean it out, though he usually cringed if he got so much as a scratch from a twig. Somehow, some way, he simply held pressure on the wound and told Richie to hold some ice on it (“Ordering me around now, hot stuff? I can work with that,”), and washed his own hands thoroughly in the sink.

What he doesn’t know until that night, is that Eddie is a cuddler. At least, half-asleep, groggy Eddie is. Like, this kid must be more starved for affection than he is. Richie had curled himself in a ball toward the edge of the mattress, willing himself not to do so much as even press his back against Eddie’s, way too afraid of the ease with which two people can tangle themselves together in the night, terrified of what would happen if he woke up with Eddie’s hands on him, wrapped up in Eddie, Eddie’s terrible morning breath against his cheek, Eddie Eddie Eddie. But while Richie had stressed himself into falling halfway off the bed, Eddie had flopped over in his sleep, slung an arm across Richie’s waist and, seeming to sense that he had something to hold, pulled him in tight to his chest. Though Richie’s breath caught in his throat, he figured, well, no one could really see them then, so what was the harm in passing out like that? No one had to know. He could pass it off like he’d been sleeping the whole time.

But he cherishes every fucking minute of it

Richie wakes to the sound of something pounding, a steady beat, and in that state of slowly waking from a dream he thinks it’s some old drum, playing lowly in the corner by some restless figure. When he comes to, his eyes creaking open slowly, he sees the gentle orange-ish hue of the morning sky, the neat room around him, the scent of detergent and soothing fabric softener wafting near his face. And he realizes his head is tucked into Eddie’s side, the boy’s slowed heartbeat thumping softly against his ear.

Normally, he’d just let Eddie sleep, as he’s usually only the asshole waking everyone up when it’s the whole gang. He doesn’t mind spending a few hours by himself in the morning. In fact, he enjoys the opportunity to try to fall back asleep (even though he never does).

But with a sudden impulse, he lays a palm on Eddie’s ribcage and pushes himself up onto his elbows, then shakes the boy.

“Eddie.”

A muffled, “Mmph?”

“Eds, wake up.”

The boy drags a pillow over his ears for all of two seconds before Richie tickles his stomach. Then he crankily sits up and lets out a gruff, “What?”

Richie grins. “The sunrise, Eds! Look, it’s so pretty, you have to believe me.”

Eddie responds by laying his cheek on Richie’s shoulder blade, slumping forward with his eyes still closed. “You do know,” he breathes, “that if the sun is just rising, it’s like, six a.m.?”

“Hmm, 5:49, but close enough, I suppose.”

The most huffy breath that Eddie can manage at this hour tickles the hairs on the back of Richie’s neck. “Did you know that people who don’t sleep enough die a lot younger? There are serious health consequences.” It doesn’t come out in his usual fiery, punctuated tone; it’s soft and filled with a yawn and he’s pretty sure Eddie might fall back asleep just like that. “You can’t die early on me, Richie. And I don’t want to. Go back to sleep.” He peeks one eye open at the window, squinting at the glow of the sun. “It is pretty, though.” With that, he falls back against the pillow and curls into a ball against the wall.

And Richie’s pretty damn sure in that moment that he’s, like, in love

And, sure, that’s terrifying.

He has no one to talk to about it and nothing could convince him it’s normal, so he shrugs it off and pretends it isn’t there.

Cause that’s a good way to cope, right?

It doesn’t matter that Eddie is so easily comfortable with him—he’s a low-pressure person, is all. And no one had called out the way pet names rolled off Richie’s tongue so easily, because that was just a part of his joke. Normal. Easy.

Until it wasn’t

You see, there’s this bitch Pennywise. This idiot clown terrorizes his friends, kills people, haunts their nights and days, and fucks with their minds. Tries to turn them against each other. And they can’t even throw a jest back! It’s a sick system.

Well, anyway, the losers end up in some crickety, wooden, falling-apart-at-the-seams murder house on Neibolt, because Bill wants to find his brother and none of them are willing to abandon him. Instead, Richie gets to see himself dead, face off with a monstrous fucking clown, and hear heart-wrenching screams from Eddie that he can’t even help, because he can’t get out.

When he does, he reunites with Stan and Bill, using the few seconds he has to catch his breath.

Just as quickly, he loses it.

In front of him lies Eddie, arm twisted at the ugliest, most heinous angle, and not only is he probably in pain and freaking out about the arm, but a 7-foot tall clown is sauntering towards him with a stupid swaggering gait, like it knows that they can’t do anything to save Eddie.

Eddie.

The boy cowers against dust and fallen wood that must be itching to give him splinters; tears streak down his dirty face and his chest rises and falls rapidly, as Pennywise taunts him. Fucking horses around, making stupid noises and joking while Eddie falls apart, and Richie doesn’t know how to save him, even after everything Eddie’s done for him. Richie is vaguely aware of Stan grasping his shoulder, trying to ground him, and he silently thanks him as he glances around for fucking anything to use as a weapon, because he certainly can’t jump into this blindly--

Then Beverly busts into the room and stabs the bitch in the head, and Richie can’t think but his feet are moving and he lands in front of Eddie in the few seconds’ time he has to play catch-up. He reminds himself to remind Bev of just how much he loves her later.

For now, though, his focus is Eddie. His ears are ringing and he’s noted the commotion going on behind him, he even realizes that Bill ends up at his side, but his gaze is right on his Eds, grasping at his face, trying to do anything to help him.

“Eds. No, no, no! Look at me! It’s okay. Please be okay.” He steadies his voice and tries really hard not to think about how much he sucks as a caretaker, how he has no fucking clue what to do, but he’s scared and he desperately just wants to take Eddie from the room and keep him safe, forever and ever.

Terror-filled eyes find him as the clown continues toward the three of them, flexing horrendous claws; Richie kneels in front of Eddie and Bill’s at his back, and Richie knows Eddie acknowledges him but he’s whimpering and shaking and staring back at the clown. And Pennywise is thriving.

“Eds,” he says, louder, grabbing Eddie’s chin and forcing it in his direction. “Please just - fuck the clown, okay? Fuck everything. It’s me and you. I’ve got you.” And he’d probably be much more convincing if he weren’t shouting and clinging to Eddie’s shoulders like it means death.

But, he seems to capture the boy’s attention, as he keeps his eyes steadily on Richie and blinks a few times. “My arm!” he cries. “Fuck, I can’t fucking move. I’m gonna die. It hurts, Rich.”

“Hey, you’re not gonna die. I don’t die early on you, you don’t die early on me. That’s the deal.”

“Some deals are made to be broken.”

Eddie is just staring at him, blank eyes staring through him with a grin, a stark contrast to the screaming that was going on just moments before. A surge of panic rises in Richie’s chest, like a freezing wind knocking through his stupid little preteen body. He shakes his head in confusion.

“Eddie, shut up. It’s just your arm. You’re gonna be fine!”

A shrug. “Who’s to say?” And then he sits up, arm convulsing at his side like some dying snake, and Richie flinches and flies back into Bill’s chest. He can’t do this. He can’t help Eddie like he should, he can’t take care of him like he wants to. He’s a coward.

“Rich.” Bill is a million miles away.

Right here, right now, is that thing in Eddie’s place, body rattling like a rag doll. “They’ll find out.” Eddie’s voice is fucked up, scratchy, and his eyes are all wrong; the way he’s staring at him is fucking uncanny. “Get too touchy, Rich, and you know what’ll happen.”

“Stop, please, fucking stop!”

“Richie!” Bill is finally right there, shaking both of his shoulders from behind. “S-stop. You’re f-f-fine. It’s just fucking with your head.”

It takes a few deep breaths, but Richie turns to him and says a quick, ‘Thanks,’ before turning back to real-Eddie, who is now dry-heaving and wailing at the sight of his arm.

Eddie’s chest thrusts forward and back rapidly, and he keeps trying to back further from the bedlam in front of them. His face contorts into an absolutely heart-wrenching cry, and as he looks at Richie, gripping his hand with an iron fist, Richie’s heart splits in two. It’s hard, it’s way too hard not to say I love you, after all that. And it’s hard not to run.

“I don’t wanna die - ”

Richie crawls closer to cradle Eddie’s head. “Eddie, if you die I’ll kill you.” He wants to go home, he wants to cry, he wants to sleep for about three days and pretend this never happened. But he can’t. He has to be here for Eddie, as much as he wants to flee right now. “You’re not going to, you know that? I still owe you ice cream. And I’m gonna get you inside the arcade—“

“Fuck the arcade!”

Somehow, in all of the fuckery going on, Richie laughs. “That’s the spirit!” Eddie, in a scramble to back away from the startle of Pennywise running away, shifts into Richie’s lap. “Okay, Eddie, breathe.” Richie gulps down a breath himself. “I’m gonna snap your arm back into place.”

Eddie’s eyes light up, completely on fire, spitting poison at Richie. “Rich! Do not fucking touch me!”

Richie winces at the words but he hears Bev screaming, “Richie, his arm!” and uses the moment of yelling to just do it, to get Eddie’s arm back to a relatively normal shape, and then he’s screaming and it’s like he wants Richie to cry in front of everyone.

“Okay okay okay, it’s done. No more.” Richie, awkward and lost at what to do, brushes back sweaty hair from Eddie’s forehead, because he’s pretty sure the boy would hate how sticky everything had gotten, and if he could help even one thing, well, it’s something.

He wishes he could help carry Eddie home, sit with him in the hospital, anything to cheer him up.

But he doesn’t get the chance. Mrs. K is outside and snatches Eddie from the losers in the flash of an eye, talking like they broke his fucking arm or something.

That’s when it all goes downhill

Richie storms away from his stupid feud with Bill, the fucking dumbass who punched him in the face because he said he didn’t want a clown to kill him and his friends. He thinks it’s the most reasonable thing he’s ever said, objectively, but whatever. He doesn’t want to lose his friends. But in that moment, he doesn’t see many other options.

When he trudges back home after his third day alone at the arcade, following newly-formed muscle memory to avoid his uncle (close the door slowly, shift weight and run upstairs, wait at least twenty minutes to go back down for food in case he stirs), he notices another car. Immediately, Richie throws open the doors, calling out, “Mom!” and finds her in the kitchen, with his uncle.

“Hey sweetie, I just got home—“ she startles at the sight of him.

“Jeez, that bad?” he jokes, running a hand through his hair. “Just remember, mom, half of this is ‘cause of you.”

She approaches him quickly, summer blazer flowing behind her from the speed, and crouches down just slightly to be at eye-level. “Richie, honey, what did you do to your lip?” she asks. He doesn’t realize right away, but he tilts his head into her touch, and she strokes his cheek gently.

Richie had forgotten about the whole ordeal—his friends almost dying at the hands of a killer clown was pretty damn distracting from his low-life uncle—but now, he sets a spitting glare on the man leaning back and manspreading at their kitchen table.

“Uncle Alan had a few kind words to say over dinner the other night.”

Her tender touch to his face is lost when she whips around to face his uncle, and Richie feels like a little kid again, standing behind his mom and clutching at her coat while she takes care of everything.

“You hit him?” she says, her voice threatening in a low mumble, teeth clenched together. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You touched my kid?” She holds back a hand as though to shield Richie as she slams her other fist on the table.

“How do you know it wasn’t one of his faggy friends? Or maybe some other kid with common fucking sense?”

She leans down and takes him by the front of his shirt. “Don’t you dare, Alan. What the fuck were you thinking?”

Uncle Alan yells back in her face, spit flying, and Richie would jump forward to defend her if she weren’t holding him back so protectively (with one hand!). “Listen, Maggie, if he’s gonna act like that, I’m just preparing him for the real world.”

“You absolute shit! You don’t get to make that decision!” Richie has never, ever seen his mother so angry. “You battered a twelve year old boy! What, do you feel really big now, you pathetic piece of shit? Get the fuck out of my house!” At this point, she’s shaken him and thrown him back against the chair so he falls, catching himself just in time as it cascades to the ground.

“Fuck you, Maggie!”

She follows him down the hall.

“Fuck you!” Richie calls out at his retreating back, before his mother screams about pressing charges and slams the door behind him.

Richie’s mom rushes back into the kitchen to face him. She’s red in the face, eyes on fire, but she softens at the sight of him.

“Richie, sweetheart, I’m sorry we left you.” She cradles his face again. “Hey.” She holds him with both hands. “Listen. If anyone ever hurts you, you call me. If anyone ever so much as threatens you, Rich - ”

Richie, choked up, interjects, “I didn’t know the number, mom. I don’t know where the little paper you wrote it on is, I’m sorry—“

“It’s okay.” She looks at him for a few more moments, then swaddles him up in a big, mama bear hug. “I love you, kid. I hope you know that.”

“I love you too.”

For a few minutes, she just holds him, stroking his back while silent tears fall down his face and onto the chest of her shirt. She doesn’t seem to mind

It’s late. Richie doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he’s on top of the world.

He ends up at Eddie’s house, even though he knows they’re not talking and Eddie’s mom might kill him on sight, he has to see him. Mrs. K can go fuck herself.

Outside the boy’s bedroom window, he raps quietly with his knuckles, just about buzzing with a high, high feeling toward life. He can see Eddie lying in bed, struggling to prop up a book to read, lamplight cascading onto his skin - that is, until he hears Richie, and flies toward the window with a crazed look.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asks, brows knitting together. “My mom will kill you if she hears you.”

That doesn’t matter so much to him at that moment. “Eddie!” He swings his legs over the banister and jumps into the room, adrenaline and something like love pushing him to lift Eddie to his chest and spin. “Eds, my mom came home early and she kicked that motherfucker out of my house!”

Eddie’s eyes are crazed from the spinning and he clings to Richie’s shoulder with his good hand; and he grins, a giggle caught in his lips. “That’s great, Richie. Fuck that guy.”

“Yeah, fuck him! And god Eddie, she - she protected me, and we just spent hours together, watching movies and making dinner like old times, and it was amazing, and - god, I know I sound like a dork, but I - ”

He pauses, mostly because he’s out of breath from machine-gunning a paragraph out of nowhere; but also because in his flustered state he didn’t register the sweet-cheeked smile that Eddie is currently melting him with.

But when he does, Richie thinks to himself: sure, blue eyes are great; they can be compared to the sky or the ocean or whatever other cheesy nature bit all goddamn day. But Eddie’s eyes - hell, he doesn’t care if he sounds like a cornball - they’re fucking amazing. They usurp all of that bullshit. He’s used to them when they’re blown wide in surprise, or holding him in a steely glare for some dumb joke, and he loves them then; but right now he catches a kind of tenderness hidden in the dark. Something that envelops him in warmth and pinks his cheeks.

Eddie takes the opportunity to pipe up. “Richie,” he says, “I’m really happy for you.”

He means it. Richie knows he means it, because for the last several days, he’s heard Eddie mumbling to himself somewhat privately about ‘that piece of shit,’ and right now he’s clutching Richie’s sleeve and smiling without a trace of mockery.

And he’s perfect.

His tousled hair that’s rustled from what looks to have been a constant stream of fingers, stressed over the book or his mom or god-knows-what; the oversized t-shirt he’s drowning in and short shorts and perfectly matched socks; and those shining eyes and friendly smile and soft fucking hands that hold all the electricity of Richie’s excitement - all perfect.

And Richie, Richie could just kiss him.

He doesn’t.

Mrs. K knocks at the door.

“Eddie bear, it’s time for your nighttime oils!”

Richie cracks a wise-ass smile. “Eddie bear, if I’d known you needed nighttime oils, well, I would have come prepared.”

“Get the fuck out,” Eddie says. The laughter catching on his lips tells another story.

Richie throws an utterly charming wink in his direction and crouches in the window, preparing to jump out and make his escape.

“Wait!” Eddie grabs the back of Richie’s t-shirt. “It’s cool that you stopped by. It’s - it’s been lonely in this hellhole. I might have gone insane if I thought you guys forgot about me.”

“Aw, I’d never forget you, cutie.” Richie, stomach twisting and turning, supports himself with his forearm on the outside of the window. “And, anyway, I gotta practice my Romeo somewhere, right?”

Eddie lets out a characteristic huff. “Whatever.”

It’s quiet, save for the distant tweeting crickets, and the scent wafting through the nighttime is intoxicating, and for the following moments the world reminds them to just breathe.

“You’re gonna miss curfew, Rich,” Eddie mumbles, leaning out the window on his elbows. And Richie hears it: you’re alone, you know what could happen. Stay safe.

“I’m not afraid, Eds.” He means it. Richie can’t draw up what fear even feels like right then. With a flick of an eyebrow, he nods toward the door. “Mother is waiting.”

“I know.” He smiles. “I’ll see you, Tozier.”

Richie, without any reservations (until he thinks back on it later), reaches out as though to pinch Eddie’s cheek, but instead, runs his thumb along Eddie’s cheekbone. “See ya, Eds.” He smiles. “I’m gonna get you out of here someday.”

Eddie shakes his head as Richie takes his hand away from Eddie’s newly red cheeks and makes his way back to the ground, muttering, “My hero.”

And Richie looks back with a grin at the silhouette of the dork in the window, saluting before taking off

It sucks when Beverly leaves.

It’s an early morning, red and orange hues breaking across the skyline like a cracked egg, and Richie, Stan, and Ben all gather around to watch her disappear off to the nearest airport, and then disappear from them forever. Though it’s not nearly as mopey and depressing as it could have been, it’s hard to watch her go; a warm energy follows her as she hugs them all goodbye, looking at them with her all-knowing, crooked little smile, rolling her eyes but expressing more love than any of them had ever known, and Richie knows she means every word of loving and missing that she says. And he knows he’ll miss her more than anything.

He does. Not much helps with the pain of missing someone, but as the days go by, pieces of her slowly slip from his mind, until finally she’s all gone

New Years offers promises of ‘new me’s and resolutions and maybe some kind of peace. And considering everything, it’s the saving grace Richie thinks he needs.

A chance to forget his uncle, the murderous clown that haunts his dreams, and his personal revelation that he loves Eddie Kaspbrak.

It didn’t ruin their friendship by any means, just made his cheeks flush and heart throb and his rebuttals come back stutter-y when Eddie merely smiled at him. It was stupid textbook puppy love. He never thought he’d fall for that.

And, he’s not gay. He can’t be, or he’ll have to pay the price.

It's just that Eddie is his best friend. They’re all best friends, but Eddie never really stopped engaging with his exhausting jokes like the others, when it was finally too much. Eddie always bickered back, he took the bait and bit back. Eddie took him home when he got hurt and cared for him and then went right back to fighting.

He loves Eddie the way he should love someone like Bev.

But it’s nothing.

The night is cutting, crisp with a fresh wintery bitterness, biting at Richie’s nose until it’s practically bleeding. To be fair, he’d opted to only wear one of his lighter jackets and some gloves, so it’s his own fault that his scalp is freezing over and he’s shaking on his way to the loser’s little spot in the meadow.

At least his friends are smart.

Stan sports a matching tartan hat and scarf, bundled up around his face so only the pinkish tip of his nose is poking out; Bill has a nice puffy coat and a hat with a bauble rested atop his head; Ben’s ushanka hat is wrapped tightly under his chin, and he waves at Richie with mittens keeping his hands warm; Mike is representing a lot of fleece, and he grins at Richie, shaking his head when he sees his lack of winter clothes; and then there’s Eddie, wearing a coat that has to be at least an extra large, and a knitted cap, bundled up so only his fussy eyes and nose are squinting out at Richie.

In Richie’s defense, he was running late, and he had sprouted a little bit in the last few months, so his previously comfortable winter coat was now tight and painful in the shoulders and chest. This jacket was his best option in the 30-second long window he had to get dressed and run out the door to attempt to be on time.

Stan levels a look at him, thoroughly appreciating his idiocy, and obviously not pitying his shaking form more than a quick flash of sympathy in his eyes; he cares, but Richie obviously brought this upon himself. The ensuing cold would be his own fault, and he’d call Stan to complain, just to grin quietly as the boy went on the calmest rant about how stupid he is and then hang up. It’s just how they worked.

Richie wonders if he’d tell a potential partner that they should have brought a coat to a date if they complained of the temperature. It’s beside the point, but amusing.

“C’mon man, you didn’t think about a scarf at least?” Mike says as a greeting, laughing a little bit as he removes his own and wraps it messily around Richie’s neck. In that moment, Richie would give up his life for this kid. The body heat/fleece combo immediately brings him back from the brink of a nosebleed.

“Richie doesn’t think, period.” Stan sticks his hands in his pockets and stares at him, ghosts of amusement playing on his cheeks.

Richie flashes his teeth in a big ol’ grin. “That’s pretty accurate, actually, I just wanted to be with you guys on time so badly, you know.”

Bill lets out a small, unenthused, “Aww.”

Richie simply chuckles and tries to wrap his fingers in Mike’s scarf to help with the inevitable hypothermia. Eddie winds up next to him in their gathering, sucking in a big breath through his nostrils and huffing out shortly.

He bumps Eddie’s arm with his elbow and says, “What’s up with you, Eds?”

Eddie nearly topples over from the size of the coat weighing him down, and he curses under his breath before standing back up and glaring at Richie. “You really didn’t wear a bigger coat, dumbass?”

“As you can see, no,” Richie chuckles.

Eddie presses his tongue into his cheek. “Well, you can share mine. It’s more than big enough.”

Oh.

Right, sharing a coat. That’s fine. No pressure or anything.

Richie aims for a cool response, some funny voice or smooth and subtle, and lands on, “Yeah, cool. Thanks.”

So, they share. And it’s pretty great.

Eddie unzips it and pulls Richie in, and they collaborate to pull it up and then Richie is pressed up against Eddie’s side, in public, already sweating even though he’s still cold because he doesn’t know if he can handle this.

Fortunately, they’re hidden by the dark, so maybe the boy or their friends won’t notice his red cheeks (or they’ll chalk it up to the cold) and the extra focus he has to place on acting normal. Because Eddie smells nicer than most boys their age, and he’s got a heart too big for his body, and Richie’s sure that Eddie loves him back in at least some way. It’s not just anyone that would get to be this close, squeezed into a coat with him.

Richie feels sick.

But the fireworks are starting, and they might be sparse and lackluster in the hell that is Derry, but each loser looks to the sky with love, with appreciation, in awe of the fact that something beautiful can apparently come from hell.

Barely, just barely, Eddie’s head falls against Richie’s shoulder as they gaze up into the inky black sky illuminated by cakes of fireworks, and he whispers, “Wow,” under his breath right next to Richie’s ear, and now Richie’s contemplating between the two possible causes of his death: he combusts, or he stops breathing - to be determined.

Richie begs the universe for advice in the ultimate predicament. And to his great relief, memories seep back into his brain; those of freckled cheeks, teeth balancing a cig as a mouth talks, and bundles of ginger curls bouncing as her head turns in his direction.

“Bev would love this.”

Riche catches the way Ben looks over at him pretty much immediately - at them, sharing body heat in Eddie’s coat - and then how the boy stares at the ground and mumbles a soft, “Yeah.” He looks back at Richie, holds his eye contact for a sweet, lingering moment, then gazes back at the sky, hopefully thinking of love as much as Richie is.

Bill, Mike, and Stan all follow, tearing their eyes away briefly to make quick eye contact with each other, and then Richie, and Eddie even shifts to look up at him, and they all smile wistfully as though the girl is there with them, snarky remarks and toothy smiles keeping them all afloat. Richie feels like he’s going to break open and cry enough to fill the whole universe, so he sniffles and looks back up at the sky, breaking the moment of magic.

But it remains with them.

It remains as they share this together, as they enter the new year together, promising hope for a happier future as long as they stick with each other.

And it remains as Eddie Kaspbrak takes his hand under the coat and murmurs, “Happy new year, Richie.”

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it 2017 #fanfiction #fluff #angst #sharing a bed #pining #new years #summer #mine #gosh i hope this isnt too dorky sfhdgjhsdfg

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