#like WHY do i have to have a legal scrapbook

[alien-blu]

Engineering school is so wild cause like we'll be designing literal airplanes and then it's like "okay guys, time to cut out your blueprints and drawings and glue them in your scrapbook which also functions as a legal document"

[sinfulseashell]

Question for Y!Bonten how could they react if their darling escaped from them and started a new life with someone else?

Y!Mikey: Of course the male would absolutely go berserk if his darling was ever to think that anyone else would treat them better than he could, but fear nearly consumed him as he thought for a moment looking over at the host with an icy glare. “Escaping is one thing, but having the audacity to find someone else? Well…let’s just say there would be two less bastards on this god forsaken earth.”

Y!Sanzu: “Oh wow, well I guess one idiot plus another can make a deathly combination!” He cackled. “How fucking dumb could they be to find someone else, but let’s give the benefit of the doubt that my darling had the gall to have another person even touch them the way I do.” His snarl twisted into a demonic grin, “I will show my darling why they would regret stepping foot out of their haven…let’s just say the show would be more gruesome than any horror movie could ever show legally.”

Y!Bonten: Each male expressed a disgusted feature as they shook their heads in unison.

Y!Koko: “So we all agree that Sanzu is never allowed to come these interviews when it comes to murder.”

Host: “Wait…none of you said anything…also…all of you commit murder?”

Y!Rin: “Ok one, we don’t need words to communicate, I know you noticed the silence after his comment. Two, we commit murder because it’s necessary yet this sociopath commits murder as a fucking hobby.”

Y!Sanzu: He emits a boisterous laugh while wiping tears from his eyes, “Ah…it’s true. I have a scrapbook as well.” He smiles happily.

Y!Rin: “Do I need to say anything more?”

Host: “Oooookay…noted.”

Y!Takeomi: “Well that was unsettling…anyways. I wouldn’t say that I would be happy my darling started their life over.” He gritted his teeth at the thought that his darling could find someone else so damn easily…replacing him. The thought made his stomach churn, “As if replacing me would be the best option for them…I would murder anyone who would try to take them away from me.” He growled.

Y!Ran: “Well the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Looks like you and Sanzu have so much in common, makes sense why the two of you are related.”

Y!Sanzu: “How dare you say something so fucking disgusting in my presence! No fucking brother of mine, as far as I know I don’t have family.” He hissed.

Y!Takeomi & Host: 😐

Y!Koko: “We’re not here to discuss their family drama, wait…hatred? Disgust? Whatever. We are not here to speak on that. Now as for me, the fact my darling would even think that someone could afford the lifestyle I provide well,” He chuckles while shaking his head, small chuckling turns to laughter. “Ah…ah ok, ok,” Koko clears his throat to continue. “Besides my awesome joke, I doubt that my darling would even survive without me.”

Y!Rin: “Look Im tired. So I’ll make this quick…whoever the dumbass would be I’ll make sure that have a slow painful death while I take my darling back to have the punishment they deserve.” Bringing himself to stand the male makes his way to the door and leaves.

Y!Ran: “Dont mind him, Rin is just tired from taking care of his darling all night. They were sick.” Ran pouts. “Isn’t that so cute though!”

Y!Rin: “SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!” He screams from the other side of the door.

Y!Ran: The male smiles as he turns his attention back to the host, “What would I do if my darling escaped and found someone else? Hmmm, well murder would be first on my list and once I get rid of them then I would make sure my darling was well.” He hums happily, “-but once I know they are fine then I’ll remind them of why they belong to me.” He smirked menacingly.

Y!Mochi: “I dont believe my darling would have a reason to leave. No to toot my own horn or anything, but these guys are monsters compared to me.” He huffed.

Y!Sanzu: “Quit bitching and answer the goddamn question.”

Y!Mochi: “Fine. If my darling were to ever find someone else…even though I know they wouldn’t. I wouldn’t murder the person, but I would purposely break each and every bone in their body enough to keep them conscious throughout the entire time that way their screams of agony could echo off the walls having their cries be the last thing they hear.”

Y!Koko: “Dear god. We all need therapy.” He spoke while pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.

Y!Kakucho: His gaze stays focused on the floor before him as if lost in thought when he hears the host call his name it brings him back to reality as he sighs, “I wouldn’t kill them. Or hurt the person that they are with. I want my darling to be happy then I would want them to stay happy, but…a part of me would take them back with me…I can’t…I just can’t be without them…they mean everything to me…” he sighs in frustration. “If I take my darling back and the other person tries to stop me…well then I would have no choice but to kill them.”

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

Headcanons on Kon in the Captain Marvel adopts Superboy AU

Kon is his universes Captain Marvel Junior, Freddy is called Lieutenant Marvel instead

Billy’s age isn’t known, only the Shazamily and Kon know. Plus Tim, Kon told him and Tim makes sure Batman doesn’t figure it out through sneaky sabotage

His jacket has embroidery saying “You’ve been” with Caps symbol on the back with a “Struck!” At the bottom (You’ve been thunderstruck) instead of “Don’t mess with the S”

Does have access to Captain Marvels powers if needed, he’s part of the family so he can call down the lightning, but doesn’t like to because it ages him up and he ends up looking just like Clark

If he is Shazam-ed up his leather jacket becomes double breasted with the thunder emblem taking up most the front and thunder bolts in a belt formation on his hips, other than that his suit stays entirely the same

Civilian name is Conner Elliot Ordway; Conner is obvious, the Elliot is a nod to the House of El, and Ordway is the maiden name of Billy’s mom. The initials spell out CEO which is a humorous nod to Lex. Billy wanted to make sure Kon had a name that honored his family history, as messed up as it is, while still giving his one that’s makes him part of his family and able to be his own person separate from them. Which is why he gave him the last name Ordway instead of Batson, so his identity is completely his own if he wants it to be.

(More under the cut)

Knows Billy is Captain Marvel but still sees him as a great father figure, one who cares about and loves him unconditionally and respects him while also actively trying to be present in his life

Billy models his treatment to Kon as a mix of how he remembers his own dad and doing the opposite of what Superman was doing, which leads to a very loving parent-child dynamic built on respected boundaries and lots of open affection to remind eachother they’re loved

Billy mainly sees Kon as a older brother, Kon sees Captain Marvel as a dad figure and Billy as a little brother when they spend more time together as civilians. It changes based on how long they spend together in one of Billy’s forms for the most part, but mainly Kon sees him as his dad (even if the differences in age are supposed to be odd)

Billy uses the “Pretending to be my own dad” trick with Captain Marvel to get Kon in a high school in Fawcett plus Tim’s stellar “I faked a whole uncle to avoid being adopted” abilities to fake the paperwork

Billy works at Whiz radio and uses Cap in civilian clothes working odd jobs to afford an apartment for the both of them, which is made a lot less expensive when Billy uses that “Powers of Shazam, summon before me (insert desired thing here)” spell he summoned a ping pong table with that one time to cover large furniture

Superman started giving Cap the silent treatment after he learned Conner has been all but legally adopted Kon

Mary is a cool aunt to Kon, both get along well and scrapbook together as a bonding activity

Freddy, understandably, freaks out and is all over Kon the first few months he’s part of the family. Asking about TTK, doing dumb stuff with their powers and arm wrestling to see whose power set is better, asking any and every question that comes to mind. Those two get in a lot of power based shenanigans and hang out a lot in and out of costume

The love language of the entire family is shared time and involves a ton of physical affection just because it’s good to remind people you love them with a hug, Kon is living his best life with all the love and validation he gets 24/7/365

Billy inadvertently catches up with and excels past his age groups study’s after learning what he can as Billy and trying to stay up to date with Kon’s school work to be the parent that can help their kid with homework and does

They go as eachother for Halloween one year, Kon takes a selfie and shows it to the rest of young justice forgetting they don’t know about Billy and when they ask he panics and says that’s his kid brother.

Which tumbles into Batman thinking Cap is CC Batson reincarnated with powers and trying to be a good dad and hero despite the whole death thing and Tim in the background trying not to laugh when he knows Bruce is wrong

(Stuff tied to comic canons)

Captain Marvel disappears for a solid 3 weeks after Kon dies, spending the whole time bouncing from afterlife to afterlife trying to look for him and asking the various death gods he comes across where Kon might have ended up. He doesn’t find him and has to grieve losing his family all over again

Covered every base he could think of looking for Kon’s soul, checked his family’s old faith, Hades because of the Greek ties, Kryptonian gods, a fist fight with Lady Blaze for information but couldn’t find anything. All he knows after that is that either Kon didn’t have a soul (which isn’t true and he refused to believe that), his ghost is roaming around and didn’t move on properly so he’s in a state of limbo, or he’s in some other afterlife and he has no idea what other ones to check for him in. Either way, Billy can’t find him and gets torn up that he lost some of his family all over again

The new 52 has Superboy Prime a prisoner held in the Monsterlands, a realm under the Council of Eternity’s (and Captain Marvel’s) control. Billy makes every day there a living hell for him for the next year until Kon is brought back, and after that all of Young Justice gets a free lifetime pass to pop by and beat him senseless for some Therapy™️. Tim and Cassie got a lot of hits in

When Kon does come back and gets back into the swing of his civilian life Billy worries a lot more and gets a little hover-y as a parent to Kon, Mary makes him earrings and small pieces of jewelry that has protection charms on them, and Freddy checks up on him between classes.

All in all, it’s a family of orphans all in various situations of oprhanhood being there for eachother no matter how weird life gets for them. Sometimes a family is your middle school aged dad, his best friend, his twin sister, a shape shifting talking tiger, and yourself

[bogbatart]

hello i am elisabeth

the bog. the bat. the legend.

no jk i am a simple person fulfilling her 12yo self’s dream of being a ✨professional artist✨ even if its not exactly how i thought it would look.

i’m a queer and disabled gender ambivalent girlie who is trying to wean myself off of instagram at the moment. hoping i can build a community on here!

im a part time wheelchair user, full time gay chaos artist, running this little biz out of the western nc foothills.

bog bat art is all about making weird, fun, and sometimes unhinged art that celebrates disabled joy, queer pride, mental health, and fighting the oligarchy—one stupid catchy phrase at a time.

about me

junk journal fiend

i love my bf

cat mom

very very very tired (me/cfs)

my body is just wonky (ankylosing spondylitis, hyper mobility, POTS, etc)

brain bad (bipolar, ocd)

please be patient i have autism

i like to be organized

legally blind as in i can’t see

i like the out of doors sometimes

kudzu queen

bog bat

why bog bag art?

i get this question a lot but it’s really quite simple: why bog bat?

bats are misunderstood lil fuzzy blind weirdos (just like me), our native wetlands must be protected also i crave to be a bog lady, and then art bc like it’s what i do.

i sell stickers, zines, my own prints, and my most popular thing is collage kits. they’re envelopes stuffed with paper scraps and goodies for junk journaling and collaging and scrapbooking etc. also whatever else my crafty bitch of a brain comes up with. everything is handmade with love, and probably a few curse words.

thanks for stopping by! if you love bold art with a rebellious heart (cue: awww), you’re in the right place. stick (haha get it i still stickers) around, shop a bit, or just vibe with me—i’m happy you’re here. 🦇

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 6 Tsumihoroboshi pt. 29

Could you imagine how massively large these posts would be if I spent the money to upload more pictures per post? How unwieldy and unreadable?

Like with Meakashi, Tsumihoroboshi includes a post-game TIP. Unlike Meakashi this one is relevant to the large narrative and isn’t just the summation of the episode or character information for a character who hadn’t existed in the narrative at that point.

What I like about this so far is the ambiguity of when it could be set. There’s nothing really to confirm one way or the other if this is post Tatarigoroshi, or after Rena had taken her class hostage. It’s a fine piece of misdirection.

I seem to recall reading somewhere along the way that there basically already was a concrete quarry in Hinamizawa. I don’t remember if it was in any of the other chapters, or if this was a set up for one of the console arcs, or the manga. I don’t think it matters in relation to this because clearly the concrete swamp is a newer construction to cover up the mysterious goings-on in Hinamizawa. I assure you we’ll find out more about this in Minagoroshi. That said, I don’t really know how concrete works, I know that it hardens over time, and it’s a vaguely liquid substance when its being set, but I don’t think that it’s basically Jello where you just dump a load of it into a liquid and stir. Hell, maybe that’s exactly it, but then again, I’m not sure, my knowledge of construction is limited at best.

I can completely buy the idea that conspiracy nuts on the internet just adopted and love the idea of File No. 34. Early 2000s, little baby internet just awash with a wide assortment of brand new conspiracy theories you’d never heard of? It’d be more surprising if people didn’t buy into the alien conspiracy, especially since it comes paired with a lovely demonic, supernatural element? That’s like all of Coast to Coast AMs Christmases came all at the same time.

Reading this again does make me wonder about the culprit’s motive overall. But I feel that’s a discussion that should probably be saved for Minagoroshi. Also the world of copyright is weird, you can basically describe the entirety of a movie, but the second you mention the name you’re in legal trouble.

I’m choosing to interpret this as there was no additional damage that could be attributed to the volcanic gases. Because if you just leave cars and buildings unattended for twenty years there will be natural wear and tear. Why yes, I do feel like a big man for picking a fight with a translation over a couple of weird phrases.

See, up until the specific mention of Rika dying the same day Rena had taken the school hostage I was firmly convinced this was taking place in the timeline of Tatarigoroshi. Which I suppose in hindsight is probably stupid on my part since it mentions specifically Rena having the scrapbooks and all that. At the time, when reading it it made sense to me, but the revelation that Rika died shortly after the hostage situation took me by surprise.

I knew about the Sarin gas terrorism attack because it was mentioned very briefly in Saw 2. And then I had heard about some Japanese horror film that was about that incident. I don’t remember the name of it, but then again that movie came out nearly twenty years ago or so. Also I don’t know how to explain it that despite the text of the visual novel agreeing with earlier theories of mine that the Great Hinamizawa Disaster was a perpetrated by a cultist, my brain at the time was just dwelling on the notion of the alien explanation. That’s my fault, and I truly wish I had a better explanation for why my brain interpreted it the way that it did.

I don’t know if I agree with the notion that Rena did this to expose the conspiracy. I guess she did, but during the fight with Keiichi she mentions that she doesn’t necessarily believe in the conspiracy any more. Also there isn’t any documents from the trial to gauge one way or the other about whether she actually still believes in the aliens/mind control parasite any more. For all we know, she got over the whole thing and just accepted her actions as a matter of course.

[dearestones]

Hiya Devin :) for the recent ask game!

10 (short, huh?), 26, 27, 43, andddd for 50: Why writing? What inspires you/ got you into it in the first place? Thanks Devin :) Hope you're having a slay day! <3

Hey, Devin here!

10. How tall are you?

Did you know... shortness is only a matter of perspective? I'm 191 cm. Obviously. Like Floyd Leech. You should totally believe me.

150 cm

26. What are some seemingly childish things you like? 

Ohhhh, that's a very cool question! Ummm.... hmmm...

I really like cute notebooks, planners, scrapbooks, and calligraphy sets! I don't have a creative bone in my body when it comes to writing legibly, much less decorating planners or scrapbooking, but it seems like a good hobby!

Another a childish thing I like? I really like my happy stims! It's a sore point for me in real life, especially if other people are in the room when I stim, but I like flapping my arms or jumping up and down. The happy chemicals create more happy chemicals in an unstoppable feedback loop that has originated since childhood. :D

Ohhhh, puns! I like to grab seemingly random objects and making puns out of them!

I mean, with all of these questions... It seems like this is a quest ur on to know more details about me! ;)

Yes, I know it's bad shhhh...

27. What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? 

Oh gosh, please don't be mad at me, it's been years since I've read a book that wasn't a reference text or a manual. Can fanfictions count? From my most recent memory, even though it's been a while since I've last read it (but I have read it upwards to 10+ times over the years)... Snakeskins by Lsunnyc.

I know you like worldbuilding and lore, guess what that fanfic is composed of! (It's also one of my main inspirations to how I write nowadays. I really look up to that author and you should check them out and their ao3 if you're interested!). It's a Hetalia/Harry Potter crossover fanfic and it's... very long, but hey. It's really well written.

But an actual book? Gosh... No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai? That's one of the last few books I remember reading and that was definitely a trip. I related to the main character a bit too much and the subject matter, trajectory of the character... It really hits and there's a reason why the book has the reputation it has.

43. Do you have siblings? How many?

Yup! Two of them!

50. Wild Card. Any question, ask away.

Why writing? What inspires you/ got you into it in the first place?

(Answer under the cut because it got too long!)

Okies, so I know in the past I think I admitted to having started posting fic in 2012 and my first fandom was for Tokyo Mew Mew. However! My first ever fanfic was for Sharkboy and Lavagirl and it was written on yellow legal pad and will never see the light of day ahaha!

The reason I bring that up is because when I was younger and school would let out for the summer, our class would have this ritual of throwing away our tattered old notebooks that we weren't planning on using for the next school year into the recycled bins. However, before I left for home, I would take all of the notebooks that had been dropped into the recycle bins, take them home, rip out the old notes and doodles, and then keep them over the summer.

So that I can write in them.

I started in fifth grade when I realized that it would be a waste just to let those notebooks be recycled when there were some that had tons of clean pages??? In them??? That's why I saved those poor notebooks.

The thing was, I didn't realize that I had like half a dozen or so notebooks that had clean pages that I realized... I could do things with the notebooks. So, over the course of the summers from 5-7 grade, I would write short stories (seriously, short as in like one paragraph long onto a single page and call it a day). It wasn't until the summer of 7th grade that I realized... wait, why write stories only in the summer? Why not write during the whole year instead?

At that point, I amassed a lot of notebooks and scraps of papers filled with stories. Somewhere along the way, I shifted from purely original fiction to fanfiction because it was through my first official fandom (Tokyo Mew Mew) that I realized fanfiction was a thing.

I totally thought, upon reading my first fanfic in ye old ffnet, that it was actually canon material until I checked the comments and other stories. And thus, my eyes were opened.

So yeah, come eighth grade and beyond, I began writing more fanfics in my free time and eventually, in high school, I began bringing my fanfic notebook into class so that I could work on them during breaks.

I think what really inspires me to write would be because... there are entire swathes of the story, of the behind scenes, that we never get to see in canon. You can infer a lot from subtext or hints dropped from characters alluding to events, character perceptions, etc. but there's a difference from accepting the subtext or canon as it is and... Taking what you know and then adding depth to it and transforming it into something new.

I don't know... breathing life into characters who already has an established character is so exhilarating to me! There are people out there who roll their eyes at fanfic, but like??? Writing a character and making them stay in character while also transforming them in the process??? It's creation in one of its more pure forms while also paying homage to the original creator.

There's a quote somewhere... maybe on tumblr? and this person said that writing fanfic or any sort of transformative work is like playing with the sandbox that the original creator has left behind. That's what I'm doing, I'm playing in a sandbox.

And I'm having a lot of fun with it! :D

Anywhoozles, thank you so much for the questions and I hope that you have a wonderful day!

Feel free to ask more questions and I hope that you have a wonderful day! :D

[allthingsdarkanddirty]

Rock Steady by Kat Mizera is available now!

Available on All Platforms

Why should I do relationships when I have the world at my feet? As the electrifying rhythm guitarist of the hottest rock band in the world, women are throwing themselves at me like guitar picks. Why would I settle for just one? Until Jesse. She's not just anyone. She's smart, sassy, and gives as good as she gets. I think I’ve finally met my match. One problem—she’s the best friend of my bassist, which means I have to keep my wild side in check and my magic hands to myself. Except for that one unforgettable night. And the encore that followed. Okay, maybe there were a few more “performances” after that, too... Jesse is unforgettable. And there’s a lot more stake than just my heart… Author's note: There are some difficult themes in this story. For CW information, please check this book's page on my website.

About the Author:

USA Today Bestselling and award-winning author Kat Mizera is a South Florida native. Born in Miami Beach with a healthy dose of wanderlust, she's called Los Angeles, Long Island, upstate New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Atlanta home. She's never been able to pick which locale is her favorite, but if pressed, she'd probably choose the west coast.

A typical PTA mom with a wonderful and supportive husband (Kevin) and two amazing boys (Nick and Max), Kat can usually be found scrapbooking or indulging in her second love (after writing) - traveling. Greece is one of her favorite places in the world. She loves that Athens is a big city with a small-town feel. The food, beaches and culture keep her going back as often as possible.

Kat's been a working freelance writer for nearly 30 years. She sold her first article--a review of a rock concert--for $10 in 1985. Since then she's been an entertainment journalist, waitress, bartender, legal assistant, food critic, magazine editor, substitute teacher, and sports writer. She also spent some time working at A & M Records in Los Angeles.

As you can guess from her Las Vegas Sidewinders series, Kat loves hockey and occasionally writes articles about her favorite team, the Florida Panthers. The rest of the time, she writes novels: sexy, romantic fiction that she hopes makes you as happy as it makes her. There's something enticing about hockey players and romance...

Connect with Kat: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorkatmizera/ Amazon: http://amzn.to/2lzRBG6 Twitter: https://twitter.com/AuthorKatMiz Bookbub: http://bit.ly/2li6zRe Website: http://www.katmizera.com

[freckled-words]

Modern Day Cleric - It's Raining Gods?! Part Two

Guys, lemme just say it is hard to try and take an existing script and work your own tweaks into it. I'm not entirely satisfied with how I ended this chapter, but it seemed the best way to transition into the first Thor movie. Let me know your thoughts!

Reminder that this not edited.

LOOK AT THIS AMAZING COVER ART @thepastelpeach did for me!

Prologue HERE

It's Raining Gods?! Part One

Just as Loki had warned, he was quiet for the next two weeks. He was still in the immediate universe at least, as she was still able to use her magic. The amulet had just become a little less warm, and entirely devoid of the glow at the center.

When he came back “online”, she was greeted with, ‘Oh good, you’re still alive.’

She was in the camper, thankfully alone, and was halfway through pulling her shirt over her head. It was 1am in the morning, and she was exhausted, “Yes, I am alive. Thanks for checking in and letting me know you were too.”

Darcy had been a bit anxious after the 5th day. She’d never gone such a long time without Loki dropping a quip, or even just chuckling when she had a clumsy moment (she’s kissed the ground a couple times, after missing her step exiting out of the camper.)

Anxiety liked to animorph itself into the beast known as Sarcasm when Darcy couldn’t catch it in time.

Thankfully Loki was well versed in Darcy’s many languages.

‘I apologize. I did not think my machinations would take as long as they would. Unlike you, my charming mortal, other species in the realms require more encouragement...Though I do love to see you worry yourself over me.’

As Loki spoke, she finished getting changed into her pajamas. “Don’t flatter yourself. I was more worried about you leaving me stranded here all on my own for too long. I’m working for scientists that don’t remember to eat, remember?” They both knew that was a lie, and that she actually missed him.

‘Ah yes, how have your dependents been? Regale me with your thrilling ventures in mortal science.’

Darcy crawled into the top bunk of the built in beds, and settled herself in, “Sad to say, things have not changed much. We did take a break and go to the city not that long ago. We went to some dive bar, got drunk, and I almost made out with this one guy. But then he got really gross about it, so I led him out back and charmed him into stripping naked and going for a jog. I kept the news article for my scrapbook.”

Her ‘scrapbook’ was currently the left side wall next to her pillow. She’d cut out the small article describing the “Jovial Naked Jogger”, marked it with a snake in the corner, and taped it to the wall.

She’d done the same with other news clippings in her college dorm. Her roommates and bed buddies had asked why she collected such weird stories, and she’d reply, “Cause they’re a spot of weird in a picture of ordinary.”

When she had to move out of the dorm, she’d finally moved them all to an actual scrapbook, which was currently hidden away at a friend’s place. (Said same friend had signed a legal contract, stating that any damage to the scrapbook would result in a punishment.)

The snake amulet warmed against her skin, ‘Well done. You must be getting stronger if you’re able to enchant a person while intoxicated.’

“To be fair, he was a 100 times more drunk than me, but I’ll take the win.” She burrowed down deeper under her comforter and closed her eyes.

“Glad you’re back.” She murmured as sleep began to take hold.

A familiar image of a lean man, clad in green, black and gold leather armor came to her mind. The upper half of his face remained in shadows, an annoyance that has persisted over all these years.

His smile was weary, even as he genuinely replied, ‘I missed you as well my little cleric.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darcy was going to blame Loki and his mood amulet for her inability to keep Jane from wrestling the steering wheel from her grip.

It’s hard to concentrate on fighting your crazy boss, when your amulet suddenly turns blistering cold and frostbites your skin. Darcy’s eyes were watering as she tried swatting away Jane’s hands with one hand, and using her other to yank her amulet out from under her shirt.

The emerald’s glow was erratic, and Darcy could see frost on the edge of the golden scales.

She couldn’t really give this freak instance with the amulet her immediate attention, as Jane drove their SUV straight towards the rainbow tornado.

The tornado abruptly retracted into the sky, leaving a massive dust cloud that the headlights couldn’t cut through.

An outline of a man came into view, and Darcy slammed her foot onto the brake as Jane wrenched on the steering wheel.

The SUV swung round, and still collided with the man.

“Oh my gods...I’m just...I’m gonna go make sure we didn’t just KILL a man!” Darcy hurried out of the SUV and over to the unmoving figure on the ground.

She heard the other doors open and close as Erik and Jane followed after...Or rather, Erik came over to help, and Jane hurried over to a section of ground that looked like it had been burned.

Darcy left Jane to that as she used her meager first aid training to assess the damage.

“He’s breathing, but he’s got a nasty bump here. Erik, can you get the first aid kit?” She took out her keychain flashlight and shone it on a bleeding cut on his forehead,

Once Erik went hurrying off to the SUV, Darcy whispered, “Easy there buddy, I’ll give you a quick fix.” From where her fingers touched the dude’s skin, a flash of golden green light flickered between them.

Their tornado victim groaned, which Darcy took as a good sign.

Then his eyes shot open, and he sat up swinging with a roar.

Darcy danced back out of reach, her hands reflexively went to her hip where she would have had her daggers sheathed, but they weren't. They were hidden in her suitcase back in the camper, since she didn’t think she’d need them in the middle of the freaking desert!

“Leave me witch!” He bellowed, staggering another step towards her.

Darcy was offended, (no true offense to Wiccans), she took pride in her god given title thank you very much, “That’s rude! I’m not a witch, I’m a-” She cut herself off as Erik approached, giving the swinging mountain of a man a wide berth.

“Hammer!” He groaned, swaying on his feet. Darcy guessed her healing charm didn’t quite mend the concussion he’d gotten from kissing the SUV.

Erik reached Darcy’s side, and placed himself in front of her protectively. Her heart warmed a little, she didn’t think Erik liked her all that much. Although she was fairly certain she was the most capable of their group if it came down to a fist fight.

“Look at these patterns! We need to get samples and pictures.” Jane’s excited voice carried over to them, and Darcy just wanted to chuck Jane down the nearest canyon. How she didn’t notice the immediate threat was astounding.

Erik tensed as the shirtless, muscle rippling, disoriented man swivelled in Jane’s direction, “You will…cease…and…”

Darcy couldn’t be certain, but the guy’s speech pattern sounded familiar. If she had to place it, she’d say it reminded her of a certain Trickster god’s.

Looking past Erik and to where Jane crouched, she gave the giant burnt patch of ground her attention.

It was a perfect pattern in a style that she almost wanted to call Celtic. Or perhaps…Norse?

The man was getting his bearings, and was making a beeline for Jane, who had finally noticed her danger. She’d gotten to her feet and was inching back and around the burnt markings (leave it to Jane to value the burn mark and its data when in danger.)

Not sure what else to do (aside from throwing magic at him and outing herself) Darcy blurted, “Leave her be!” She said it in rough Elvish, or Alfish as Loki had jokingly called it. As it was the language of the people that dwelled in Alfheim.

The man immediately stopped, while Erik and Jane looked at her as if she’d just spoken in Pig Latin. Which, to them, she basically had.

He turned towards her, she could see him blinking and trying to focus, “Midgardians do not speak the tongue of Alfheim.”

Well if she’d needed confirmation on where this guy was from, she’d certainly just gotten it.

She hadn’t practiced her Elvish in a long time, so it took her a minute to remember the right words and pronunciation, “They do when they are under the guidance and protection of a god. I answer to the one named Loki.”

Whatever the big guy might have said in response was lost, as his eyes rolled up and he teetered over unconscious.

Seems her healing charm wore off.

Which was really unfortunate, as this left all of them with an unconscious man in the middle of the desert. This was going to be a fun trip to the hospital.

[ninjastormhawkkat]

Becky Boxleitner Au Ideas

This is just some random stuff I want to say about my au before I post my first au rewrite story.

Outline continuation:

Becky does not reveal to her dad her origin story until after he learns her identity. 

“The Ballad of Steve McClean” and “A Better Mousetrap” are extremely humiliating moments for Becky/Wordgirl. (You know how Wordgirl reacted to Dr. Two Brains outfit in the canon episode after his rap. Yeaaaahhh. R.I.P Becky.)

Scoops does interview Becky’s dad about his latest crimes or rays, but he does not publish them out of respect and consideration for his friendship with Becky. Scoops uses his interviews with Dr. Two Brains as practice for his future career as a reporter. 

Violet and Scoops know to never bring cheese to Becky’s house (when her dad is out of jail) or risk loosing it forever. Poor Violet learned the hard way after bringing a sculpture made of Fromage Blanc to Becky as a gift. Violet had no idea that Fromage Blanc was a type of cheese. She thought it was a fancy name for a type of art material. Dr. Two Brains has apologized to Violet. 

Becky and her dad used to live in a apartment in the city before the accident. It took some time for Becky and the Botsfords to clean out her stuff. (It took time for reasonable and emotional reasons.) Two Brains had snuck back there after his first time in jail to get some of his own belongings. (Becky had mixed feelings on whether she should collect her dad’s stuff or not, but decided to leave the stuff (non-essential things) and take only personal and needed items with her.)

Becky has a box filled with old photos of her and her dad before the accident located under her bed. She also has photos of her, her dad, Bob, and the Henchmen in new, decorated scrapbooks placed in the drawers of her nightstand.  

Dr. Two Brains is familiar with Tobey a bit differently than canon. He has heard about Tobey from Becky but he is still not closely acquainted with the kid just like when Two Brains first meets him in canon. (Since Tobey and Becky are not close friends, Two Brains never bothered remembering about him until he read about Tobey’s robots and work in that magazine. Also Tobey’s introductory episode occurs after Two Brains’ origin so Steven had no idea who the kid was before his accident.) “Mousezilla” goes similar as canon, but Two Brains and Tobey did not have great start. Two Brains heard from Becky how Tobey attacked the Botsford house where she was staying which made him naturally upset because his daughter was almost hurt by the kid. Tobey was surprisingly somewhat sympathetic towards Becky at school during the first few days after what happened to her dad. He did offer condolences as he could relate with losing a dad. Tobey kinda projects his own issues with his dad towards Two Brains because he sees how Becky acts when her dad is in jail. Tobey is salty that Two Brains puts Becky through this even though Two Brains has no choice in the matter. Tobey in this au still acts like his canon self, but is a bit sympathetic with Becky’s situation with her dad. He won’t tease her about it. 

After the accident, there were various reactions by students towards Becky. Some were sorry for her, some talked to her and sent their condolences (like Tobey). There were those that were wary of her because her dad was now a villain and they didn’t know if Becky would join her dad because she cares about him. No one bullied her, (mostly because they were afraid of Violet’s protective glare, DO NOT UPSET VIOLET😰.) Quickly they realized that Becky was still Becky and would not be different just because her dad is now. They still treat her the same after incidents such as the mind control bunny buttons and turning the city into cheese. Some who don’t know Becky well did chuckle after seeing Dr. Two Brains rap (someone recorded it for their version of YouTube.) and the events of “A Better Mouse Trap”.

Other citizens that don’t know Becky well don’t bother her. They do NOT want to risk Dr. Two Brains parental wrath. The Villains know better than to threaten Becky. A few break this either on accident or this is their first time as villains and meeting Becky. (They quickly learn why NOT to mess with Becky Boxleitner.)

T.J Botsford treats Becky the same in this au. He did not like Becky at first because her dad became Wordgirl’s villain. He later got over it and just treated her like an annoying sibiling. (as I said, its the same relationship as canon.) The Botsfords and Two Brains are on good, friendly terms despite Two Brains actions. They understand that Two Brains acts as a villain because of the mouse brain, but is ultimately a good dad to Becky. They treat, Becky, Bob, and Two Brains (and henchmen) as family and will often include them in holiday events if they are able or want to. 

In this au, Dr. Two Brains does not threaten harm to Becky’s friends and the Botsfords like in canon. (I don’t think the music ray in “Two Brains Quartet” was life-threatening, just made people sing badly.) He just does something else which keeps his villain status. 

Not always, but Dr. Two Brains will reveal his schemes to Becky, whether purposefully or accidentally, before he commits them. Becky has to come up with excuses as Wordgirl when Two Brains questions how she figures out his schemes so quickly. 

Becky still goes to Woodview Elementary. Dr. Two Brains, as all villain relatives, have to go through a screening process and are not allowed to use their powers or bring weapons on campus. Two Brains, with the help of Sally Botsford, work out legal stuff with the school where Becky still goes by Boxleitner, but her dad is listed as Dr. Two Brains, as well as be ready to go over school stuff with the Botsfords when Two Brains is in jail. Dr. Two Brains has always been civil and polite with the other kids parents. He only made friends with Tubing and Doohickey back when he was Steven. He never really made an effort to be friends with Scoops’s and Violet’s parents before the accident. He was just friendly and polite as he is now. Dr. Two Brains does consider the Botsfords as friends overtime. (He originally was just grateful and acted in debt to the Botsfords for taking Becky in every time he went to jail.) He is somewhat moved by their kindness towards him and Becky despite his villain status. 

Both Two Brains and Granny May gush about grandkids (Granny May)/kid (Two Brains) when they get together at villain meetings. (They both have multiple photos in their wallets.) Since those two are the toughest, the other villains don’t complain. Becky does interact with the villains more often in her regular life since her dad does business with them. Becky has been to a few Villain meetings before the reveal. Two Brains wanted to give his daughter some villain experience. Nothing notable happened as these meetings were mostly informal and villains could invite someone (a potential villain) if they wanted too. 

Dr. Two Brains does not like Pretty Princess or the Squishy Fun Bots. He didn’t like them when he was Steven and he doesn’t like them now. He just watches them with his daughter just for quality time. (Two Brains will take any chance to spend time with his daughter to make up for his time in jail.) Steven originally let Becky watch these shows because they were the only appropriate shows on that would also distract Becky with enjoyment. Steven did play make believe with Becky (when she was younger) based on the shows because it made her happy. In this au, Becky did not want to watch the Squishy Fun Bots because of canon reasons and because it brought back too many memories.

Before the reveal, Becky went along with her dad teaching her how to be a villain to make him happy and to provide cover for her identity. Two Brains does not egg Becky into villainy. He knows she was raised to be good when he was Steven and he will fully support any path she takes. Two Brains just hopes that Becky will go into villainy so he will have a good successor and just for more Father and Daughter time. He does take her training pace by pace and it comes second to her schoolwork and health. 

No matter the ups and downs, Becky and Two Brains are still family and they care for each other as a Father and Daughter would.   

[jovialyouthmusic]

Double Trouble

Bastien’s foster parents come to meet the twins, and he receives a gift that brings back painful memories...

Word count 2774

A/N You may need a tissue at hand for this one, Bastien is reduced to tears himself. There are a few Greek words here, but I’ve tried to make them obvious or translated immediately afterwards. My favourite was the word for grandmother, which is pronounced ‘ya ya’. You may notice I’ve chickened out from writing a chapter devoted to their wedding - at least for now...

5 Parents, old and new...

‘They’re here – the guards at the gate just rang through’ Bastien announced. Sophia cast an eye around the apartment to check all was spick and span.

‘Does it look right?’ she queried. ‘If it’s too tidy it will look like we’re not taking enough time with the twins, but if it’s untidy it looks like we can’t cope.’ Bastien walked over to her and kissed her forehead.

‘Don’t worry, theà mou’ he soothed ‘Althea will understand. She’s fostered plenty of babies as well as older children. She knows a little disorder isn’t a bad sign’

‘Did you ever get drafted in to looking after any younger ones?’ she asked.

‘One or two, but she never left me alone with them. Being totally responsible for small babies is a task for an adult.’ He went to the door just as a wail started up on the baby monitor. Sophia grimaced.

‘They certainly have a good sense of timing’ she said ‘I’ll go and see who it is and what they need.’

‘I’ll go down and greet our visitors. Don’t be worried about feeding them, they wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but if you want to stay private, stay in the nursery and I’ll check with you.’ He kissed her again and went to greet his foster parents, there to see the twins for the first time.

They lived only a few hours drive away in Greece but said they’d wait until the couple had settled into parenthood. Sophia’s parents had booked their flight from the Channel Islands and would be there the next month. If it hadn’t been for various video calls, her mother might well have demanded that she and Bob move lock stock and barrel to Cordonia, but Sophia had told them they weren’t sure they would be staying in the tiny European country for good. She had received a job offer from Edinburgh and had deferred it until the twins were older, and there was a lot of support at the Palace. They didn’t have to worry about cooking, laundry or cleaning, and Hana had volunteered to help too. She had experience with Savannah’s children, and would most likely go on to help the Queen when she gave birth to the heir.

She went into the nursery to discover that Theo needed a nappy change, and she was in time to get that done before his wailing woke his sister, who was a determined and deep sleeper. Changing him was an easy task compared to his sisters indignation at being messed around.

As she worked, she remembered that the last time she’d seen her own parents was at their wedding. It was a small affair, and her mind went further back to when they’d discussed getting married, some time after Bastien had proposed. They were taking a break at the villa in Greece that Costa and Althea owned, this time entirely on their own. They lay out in the sun after a swim in the clear blue sea.

‘Mum asked me when we’re getting married.’ Sophia said, reaching for a cool drink.

‘Then we should probably set a date’ Bastien replied. ‘That is, if you think we should do it’

‘It’s odd’ she said ‘I like the idea, but we’ve made our commitment to each other already. I don’t need a ceremony to know we intend to be together for the rest of our lives’

‘But perhaps other people have to acknowledge it’ Bastien pointed out ‘Plus it’s better legally, if anything should happen to one of us’

‘I could never understand my friends who started planning their weddings when they were teens’ she had said. ‘My best friend had a scrapbook and she’d collect pictures of dresses, think about venues and colour schemes and so on. I don’t think she cared who she married, and she expected it to happen before she was twenty’

‘How did that turn out?’

‘She did actually find a really nice guy to marry, but she was the original Bridezilla. He got fed up with her tantrums and stood her up at the altar ��� or in her case, at the beach. In Jamaica. He’d never even got on the plane to go there. Her family and friends had a wonderful holiday, but she spent the whole time crying and cursing him until one of the waiters caught her eye’ Bastien sucked his breath in between his teeth.

‘Did that put you off, theà mou?’

‘Just a little. But my wedding day wasn’t the apex of my expectations. I wanted to find someone to share my life with – and I have’

‘So what do you think we should do? What do you want?’

‘I don’t want a big wedding. A registry office would do – and a minimum of guests. In fact, just you, me and a witness would be enough. But my mother would never forgive me’

‘May I make a suggestion, then?’

‘’Of course, Bas. Fire away’

‘Why don’t we get married in Guernsey? That would please Edith, and it would keep the guest list down. We could always have a reception back here after a short honeymoon’

‘That might work. Wouldn’t Costa and Althea want to come to the wedding though?’

‘Hmmm. They’d understand if I told them we’d want to keep it small’

‘We, Bas? Are you happy with that?’

‘I think the same as you. It’s a formality – a legal piece of paper. It doesn’t compare to what we already have together. I’m happy to do whatever you want’

‘Well aren’t we a pair’ she had laughed ‘The reluctant bride and groom’

‘But enthusiastic lovers’ he joked, and swooped down on her, kissing her and picking her up to carry her inside.

So it was that they travelled to the tiny island where they had a small ceremony at the registry office with a reception at a four star hotel, arranged by her father. Some of his work colleagues attended as many of them had been impromptu Uncles when she was growing up, and a few of her school friends went too. Drake went as Bastien’s best man and representative of the Crown, being the third party in King Brad’s Cordonian marriage. It had been decided that he and Lucy would not attend, to keep the wedding low key. They had a short honeymoon on one of the smaller islands, and on their return King Brad had insisted on a lavish reception party in the Palace Ballroom. He had flown the happy couple back for the occasion in the Royal jet along with Bob and Edith.

After that, they had briefly discussed having children and decided to try as soon as they could, due to their age. Bastien had visited a sperm bank when he had a vasectomy on joining the Guard, and they were advised to try using that whilst waiting for his medical procedure to heal and his count to go up. Despite being told it would most likely take a few tries, the very first treatment worked, and Sophia had to defer taking up a job offer at Edinburgh University.

As she buttoned up Theo’s romper suit she heard the apartment door close and there was the babble of conversation in the main room.

‘You don’t look hungry, little man’ she cooed to the baby ‘Come and meet your pappous and giagià’ She picked him up, peeking into Beatrice’s cot, but she slept soundly. She resolved to come back for her, to keep the twins in synch with their naps. She had barely entered the lounge before Althea had plucked Theo from her arms with cries of delight.

‘Oh, mikros’ little one she gushed ‘I giagiá sou eínai edó’ your grandmother is here ‘Aren’t you such a delicious creature, I could eat you all up’ She turned to her husband ‘See how he looks like his father’ Costa nodded gravely, pursing his lips.

‘He does’ he said shortly, leaning over to appraise the baby. He looked up at Sophia.

‘And here is his mitera’ he smiled, and walked over to kiss her cheek. Althea only had eyes for Theo, rocking him and speaking in rapid Greek. Theo was mesmerised and gazed at her, entranced. ‘You look well, Sophia’ he said ‘I hope our Antras is looking after you and his mikra’

‘He’s very attentive. It’s good to see you, Costa. I hope the journey was okay’

‘It was very quiet – when Althea fell asleep’ he said, dropping his voice to a stage whisper.

‘You think I don’t hear you, old man?’ Althea cried ‘You’re lucky I’m holding our foster grandson. And where is his sister?’

‘I’ll get her’ Sophia said.

‘Let me come with you.’ Costa offered, and she led the way.

‘I’m sorry you can’t stay with us’ Sophia said as they went. ‘As you see, our spare room is occupied.’

‘Don’t worry my dear’ Costa boomed in his deep voice. ‘I know better than anyone how tiring Althea is to have around. We won’t stay long, we have friends to visit in the Capitol.’ As they entered the nursery Beatrice was stirring. Costa made a cooing noise as soon as he saw her.

‘Oh mikros – little princess.’ he clucked ‘Here, come to Pappous.’ and leaned over the cot, tenderly picking her up. Sophia held her breath, not knowing how she would react. She made little squeaking noises as she woke, her eyes opening to an unfamiliar face. She squinted and opened her mouth to protest but the sound of his voice lulled her as he crooned to her. He turned to Sophia.

‘They are both so dark.’ he said, referring to the shock of black hair that both children sported. ‘Your lovely blonde hair has not come through.’

‘It’s only natural.’ she smiled ‘We knew they would probably take after Bastien.’ They returned to the lounge, where Althea declared she would have to split in two in order to make the most of the babies. Costa stood facing her, and they rocked and sang to them together, doing a little dance. Bastien looked over at Sophia, whose face had lit up with joy to see the charming interaction. Theo gazed at his entertainers with fascination while Beatrice made odd little expressions and noises, waving her little starfish fingers randomly.

‘This one is musical, see?’ Althea said ‘She has a sense of rhythm. She will be a great singer or a concert pianist, just you see.’ Costa laughed.

‘Theodore is quiet and stoic like his father. Perhaps he too will be Captain of the Guard’

‘It’s a dangerous job, Pateràs. I wouldn’t wish it on him.’ Bastien commented. At that moment Beatrice decided she’d had enough of being joggled about and started to grizzle.

‘Your little princess needs her materà.’ Costa said, handing her over carefully. She made a face as if she was searching for a nipple.

‘Do you mind…?’ Sophia asked.

‘Go right ahead, I may never have fed one myself, but I would have if I could.’ Althea replied, so Sophia settled down to nurse. Theo remained in Althea’s arms, sucking his fingers and gazing back at her. ‘You need your strength, Sophia, so I brought some food for you.’ Althea sat close to her. ‘I know the palace kitchens cook for you, but I don’t think they make proper Greek food. It’s like medicine – my pastitsio will cure anything, and my moussaka would satisfy a giant.’ She nodded toward Bastien’s broad frame ‘Even our àntras there. How do you think he grew to be such a mountain of a man?’ Bastien rolled his eyes.

‘I think we might have to get a freezer of our own to store all the food Althea brought for us.’ he said drily. She turned toward him.

‘Look in the cooler bag – there’s Greek salad and dolmades and olives, and bread I baked this morning.’ Bastien shook his head, smiling.

‘You shouldn’t have, Althea’ he laughed ‘But it’s very welcome’

Before too long the dining table was set with a Greek feast, and Costa sat with Beatrice resting on his chest, making little circles on her back to bring up any wind, and Bastien had given him a napkin in case of accidents. Sophia sat nursing Theo, and Althea hovered over her with a plate full of finger food.

‘Eat, eat’ Althea urged her ‘The babies will grow fast. Start getting bigger clothes for them, you will see’ Soon it was Bastien holding Beatrice to wind her while Sophia sat at the table to eat, and Althea fussed with plates and food as if she was the host, not her foster son and partner.

At last they had done justice to the food, and Costa was the one to wash the plates while Althea played with Theo.

‘Oh, I almost forgot.’ she said suddenly, addressing Bastien. ‘I brought you something.’

‘Althea…’ he protested, but she had already handed the baby to Sophia and was rummaging in a bag. She brought out a small package and handed it over. Bastien took it curiously, and carefully unwrapped it. It was a small piece of fabric – a flowered pattern with a satin edge. He stared at it for a moment, and Sophia was shocked to see his eyes watering, hand resting on his cheek in shock.

‘Materà.’ he said, choking with emotion, struggling to keep his composure ‘I didn’t know you still had this.’ Althea went to him and put her hand on his arm. He grabbed it and kissed her fingers, tears running down his cheeks.

‘We found it when we cleared out some old boxes. I knew you’d want it.’ Her usual brusque tone was soft and tender.

‘I thought – I thought it was lost’ Bastien choked. Sophia was baffled, and she suddenly found Costa at her elbow, patting her arm. She put her hand on his, looking up in query. He spoke quietly as Bastien covered his face, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

‘It’s from a dress that his mother wore.’ he said in a low tone. ‘He kept it under his pillow until it got lost – we’re not sure exactly when. It’s the only thing that belonged to her that he had.’ Sophia already knew that Bastien had been fostered when his mother had become a drug addict and died tragically when he was a teenager.

Bastien got to his feet and shakily left the room. Costa went on to tell her that Althea had made the keepsake for him and quietly left it in his room when he was a surly and unruly teenager. They had noticed an improvement in his behaviour soon after, even though he had never acknowledged her kind action.

‘Go, he needs you.’ Althea said softly ‘The twins will be fine with us.’ Sophia handed Beatrice to her and got to her feet to follow him to the bedroom, where he sat holding the piece of fabric, tears still silently flowing down his cheeks. She sat next to him and handed him a tissue. He slowly calmed and mopped his eyes, taking a shaky breath.

‘I hated her when I was younger.’ he said hoarsely ‘But later on I realised it was a sickness that changed her, bad people who made her make the wrong choices. She never meant to hurt me.’ He turned the fabric over in his hands. ‘I wish every day she’d been stronger, been around to meet you. Now I feel as if she’s here.’ She took his hand and squeezed it.

‘She’d have been proud of you, I’m sure. I’m only just starting to understand what it’s like being a mother. I know if anyone tried to hurt our babies, I’d go out of my mind.’ He nodded.

‘Not everyone can cope with being a parent, even with the best intentions.’

‘You never had any doubt about whether you’d be a good father?’ she asked gently.

‘Of course I did, but I had Costa and Jackson to emulate’ He blew his nose. ‘And you had good examples, so I never had any doubt about you.’  

‘Althea should have been more sensitive.’ Bastien smiled weakly, his eyes red but dry.

‘It’s okay Sophia, it needed to be done. They’re here to look after the twins while I process it’ He took her hand and squeezed it ‘and while you support me. It was a good time to do it’ He got up and held out his hand. ‘Speaking of which, we should get back before they need a nappy change’

‘Something tells me that wouldn’t phase either of them’ she smiled, and rose to embrace him and kiss his cheek.

@sirbeepsalot @katedrakeohd @fluffyfirewhiskey @kingliam2019 @rainbowsinthestorm @camillemontespan @texaskitten30 @bascmve01 @nomadics-stuff​

​

[captainsophiestark]

Thoughts from my first time watching New Moon (this time with a read more, because I have A LOT of thoughts):

- I like this vibe of starting with a flash forward out of context before jumping into the beginning of the story

- Ohhhhh lmao I was so confused what was happening at the beginning until I saw the mirror!! I really like that scene now that I know what was happening 😂

- I LOVE CHARLIE SO MUCHHHHHH

- Awwww the group photo is so cute

- If I were Bella I would literally remind Edward that I was technically older than him all the time. Like “listen to me, I’m older than you” “I’m 109” “You’re 17. You’re not even legally an adult, so zip it”

- Awww omg New Moon Taylor Lautner is 😍😍

- I LOVE Alice

- Omg “Happy… nevermind” and “Can’t trust vampires” this is high key already like my favorite movie ( @lady-salvatore you called it early-)

- Holy shit Eddie you talk WAY too much about murder. He would def be into all the true crime murder podcasts we have now

- Oooo yay, I finally get info about the Volturi!

- Lol perk of going to high school 7 million times is you already know all the answers to questions the teachers ask you

- Based on exactly two minutes of Volturi content, I am convinced they would be instant enemies with the Mikaelsons

- “It’s my job to protect you, from everyone… except my sister” I LOVE THIS MOVIE

- EMMETT MADE MY JOKE ABOUT BELLA BEING OLDER I LOVE HIMMMM

- I love the Cullens so much omg I can’t take it

- Oh shit she just cut her finger

- Edward, PUNTING BELLA INTO A WALL IS NOT GOING TO HELP

- Oh fuck

- Thank God for Carlisle. This just became a very tough bday for Bella

- Dude omg I love Carlisle so much

- He’s got a crazy heavy dose of that Catholic guilt shadowing him tho, poor guy

- Burn bloody bandages to make a blood-scented candle for your vampire family. Life hack, pro tip, and A+ recycling from Carlisle

- I’m a big fan of the scrapbooking going on in this movie. Like, taking pictures and making them into scrapbooks/mini movies is totally my jam

- Oh dude DICK MOVE dumping her like that!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO

- Whenever these breakups “for [protagonist]’s safety” happen I can’t help thinking of New Girl. When Schmidt tried to break up with Cece? The whole “White. Fang. Schmidt.” conversation? I always want the protagonists to call the love interests out on their bs just like that

- EDWARD YOU’RE BEING A DUMBASS AND A DICK NOOOOOOOO

- You left her alone in the woods??? BRO

- Holy shit she just collapsed. That cannot be good.

- (Also, why tf is the rest of his family going along with this??? Carlisle, it’s tough love time. Teach him a lesson about not running away from his problems!)

- WEREWOLF!!!! YAY!!!! I wonder if it was Jacob?

- Not Jacob! Sam, apparently, with no shirt on, which I do not mind. Boy is RIPPED

- Awwww omg she misses Alice!! Dammit, her whole friend group and boyfriend left in one fell swoop!!

- Dude, seeing Charlie worrying about Bella BREAKS my heartttttt. He loves her so much and he doesn’t get enough credit or screen time or support and it kills me I just want to give him a HUG

- Jess and Erica should’ve done an intervention by now. Failure of close girl friends when Bella’s in literal mourning over a dumb boy

- “Go. Buy some… stuff.” CHARLIE

- LEPROCY. CONSUMERISM. SELF-REVERENCIALISM CLEVERNESS. JESSICA.

- EDWARD’S A GHOST

- I would’ve flipped my shit if I saw that 😂 like kudos to Bella for not screaming and hitting the ground in the middle of the street

- Ohmygod WHY ARE YOU WALKING TOWARDS THEM BELLA NO OH MY GODDDDDD

- Jess this is also the moment you fucking tackle your friend to keep her from going down that alley or getting on the motorcycle. Like, WHATEVER IT TAKES

- Oh Bella’s totally using Jacobbbbb

- Yo also great distinction between Jacob and Edward with how they handle Bella wanting to do fun, reckless stuff. Points to Jacob for that one from me

- “your general paleness and lack of know-how” I LOVE HIMMMM 😂😂😂

- Yay omg Jacob’s friends!!!! I love it omg, fantastic dynamic

- Oh dude, I know they’re werewolves and this is fake, but if you actually threw somebody off a cliff like that and they fell wrong into the water, it could literally kill them. Like, people have died that way. Please be safe!!!

- ALSO ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET AND BOOTS WHEN YOU RIDE A MOTORCYCLE, AT MINIMUM! YOU SHOULD HAVE A JACKET AND PANTS TOO, *ESPECIALLY* WHEN YOU’RE LEARNING!!! My dad rode bikes for a LONG time and WOULD be dead if he rode around like these fools with no padding or protection

- (The mom friend in me is hella jumping out for these past few scenes, huh?)

- OH MY GOD JACOB TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT

- That was so unnecessary, but I’m also not complaining

- Is Sam the bear that’s killing people? (Or werewolf, technically)

- Mike WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU BEING SO WEIRDDDDDD

- FACE PUNCH. GUNS. ADRENALINE.

- Mike and Jake are peak awkwardness waiting out here omg. OH NO OH MY GOD IT’S JUST THE THREE OF THEM THAT’S SO BAD I LOVE ITTTT

- I’m laughing out loud alone in my house watching the three of them in the movie theater 😂😂😂

- Bella and Jacob are having a heart to heart, meanwhile Mike is puking up his guts in a public restroom

- Poor Mike 😔

- “What happened to Jake” “Uh… he has mono!” Lmao

- OH MY GOD JAKE HAS SHORT HAIR AND NO SHIRT, RED ALERT!!!

- WHITE. FANG. SCHMIDT. (*Please* tell me somebody gets this reference)

- Oh boy!! Jake’s werewolf side is here and he knows the truth!!!

- Oh my God, if I were Bella getting the “I’m not a good guy” speech for the second time in as many years, I’d probably slap the guy

- Let this ridiculous drama be a lesson to you all: NO ONE who loves you/that you love is better off without you in their life

- OMG LAURENT! I’m so glad he’s back, I liked him in the first one

- “Lie better” lmao. You’re one to talk Edward!!!

- Also I get the feeling I’m about to like Laurent a LOT less

- Ok yeah, I don’t like Laurent anymore. Also, see Eddie boy, this is why WE DON’T DIP ON PEOPLE BECAUSE WE THINK IT’S SAFER FOR THEM

- OH FUCK YEAH THE WEREWOLVES ARE HERE

- Legit thought that first one was a bear for a second

- YEAH BITCH YOU BETTER RUN

- Awwww good work Sam and Jacob and crew!!! NO OH MY GOD SOMEONE WENT DOWN

- Bella ran, making her first good choice in a long long long time

- Uh oh, poor Harry 😂 he’s like “fuck, Bella, THOSE WERE MY FAMILY OF WEREWOLVES WHY WOULD YOU TELL CHARLIE ABOUT THEM AND CAUSE SUCH A BIG PROBLEM FOR MEEEEE”

- Jacob why aren’t you wearing a shirt dude omg for the love of God!!!

- I say this with nothing but love for Robert Pattinson, but dude Jacob is so much hotter than Edward. I know this is probably gonna start a fight or whatever but I straight up don’t care

- Poor Jake! He’s trying to tell her the truth but she’s not getting it 😣

- Oh my gosh they’re talking about running away togetherrrrrr 😫 I absolutely DID NOT understand why people thought they had any chemistry in the first one, but I get it now (also @lady-salvatore I haven’t even met the rest of the Wolf boys yet and I already LOVE themmmmm)

- Oh nice! It didn’t take her very long to figure out! Nice detective work Bells!

- OMG THE WOLF BOYS!!!! SHE SLAPPED ONE OF THEM KICK THEIR ASSES BELLA I’M SO PROUD OF YOU OMG!!!!

- Fucking Sam’s like “not my problem” lmao

- @lady-salvatore the wolf boys have been on screen for like 3 minutes and I already love them

- Oh my goodness I already love Emily!!! She’s so pretty holy shit 😍😍 God bless her for managing this whole pack of ridiculous werewolf boys

- Omg I love Sam and Emily ❤️❤️❤️

- I also absolutely love Paul, even though he’s pretty much just come on screen and been a dick 😂😂

- I love Jake and the wolf boys, but I have to say, it would be sick if Bella did a training montage to get some Alaric-level vampire hunter abilities and then just surprised the shit out of the next vampire who tried to step to her

- Lol Harry’s out in the woods covering everybody’s tracks

- OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOO HARRY!!!!!!!! PLEASE tell me he’s not dead!!!!!

- Ok hot take that might get some hate, Bella could’ve had such a good, chill time if she just ditched Edward and moved on with Jake

- Holy shit bro, this movie’s a little darker than I thought it was going to get. Bella’s trying to fucking kill herself. Somebody get her into therapy holy shit!

- Oh good, Victoria the scuba vampire is on her way 🙄

- Dude this is so fucking dark. Bella needed some serious help but no one in her life seemed to recognize it. This is one of the many reasons why getting rid of the stigma around mental health is such a big deal

- NOOOOOO HARRY’S DEAD!!!!! I THOUGHT PEOPLE YELLED AT STEPHANIE MEYER FOR NOT KILLING HER CHARACTERSSSSSSSSS

- Ok yo, I take back EVERYTHING I said about Sam and Emily. He snapped and clawed her face because he got pissed??? BOOOOOO, THAT SUCKS!!!! Never okay, werewolf or not!!!

- Omg Cullens yay!!! Oof, very tense for a lot of other reasons, but I’m happy to see Alice again!!!

- Oh no, she came because she thought Bella died!! And Bella is lying right to her face. SEE THROUGH HER LIES AND CONVINCE HER TO GO TO THERAPY ALICEEEEEE

- GOD AWFUL WET DOG SMELL LMAOOOOOO

- I love Alice so much

- “As soon as you put the dog out” ALICE I THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T MURDER PEOPLE

- Jacob WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD’S GONNA THINK BELLA’S DEAD DUDE YOU’RE FUCKING KILLING ME RIGHT NOW AGHHHHHHHHHHH

- On the whole frustrated by the drama, but as an aspiring storyteller, BIG fan of the Romeo and Juliet reading at the beginning of the movie turning into a parallel with how the plot of the movie progresses

- Jacob, how can you ask her to just let Edward die? Like, the fuck? You can have a relationship talk later, but part of not killing includes preventing death whenever possible?

- Also, poor Charlie holy shit

- YEAH ALICE, PASS THAT FUCKING TRACTOR

- The Volturi look like some unparalleled dramatic bitches

- YOOOOOO Alice’s outfit is rocking!!! Let’s go girl!!!

- Watching this massive festival in a post-COVID world is absolutely wild

- Edward looks like he’s about to streak through the festival like people do at sports matches

- Awwwww omg!!!! I don’t really think their relationship is very healthy, but it’s a story, so it’s cute to see them reunited!!!

- Also Edward is pretty hot, so I guess I take back what I said about Jacob being hotter. They’re tied

- Awwww they’re kissing!!!! Reunited at last 😊

- Jane is super pretty

- Why do they all have red eyes?

- More fantasy stories with supernatural beings should have elevators. Like, the vampires never have massive terrifying lairs with elevators and secretaries

- Omg Michael Sheen!!! I knew I recognized him!!!

- Oh yeah bitch, he can’t read her thoughts either!!! Square up!!!

- Nooooooo Jane back off leave Eddie alone!!!!

- Jane’s brother is also very good looking

- YOOOOO IS SHE IMMUNE TO JANE’S POWER TOO??? Let’s go Bella!!!! But wait, doesn’t Jasper’s power work on her?

- Jeeze, this is a very traumatic last stretch of the movie! The Volturi are power tripping, the Mikaelsons need to roll into town and kick some ass to show them what’s up

- (Speaking of, who do you think would win in a fight between the Mikaelsons and the Volturi? If you read through this much of my post then kudos, and I’d love to hear some discourse about it.)

- Oh my God there’s a KID in that group the Volturi killed!!! Somebody fucking get those bastards!!!

- Cute that Eddie and Bella are back together

- Oh my God, I know I’ve said this like three times already, but POOR CHARLIE. HE HAS TO DEAL WITH SO MUCH SHIT AND STRESS

- Ok, maybe this is me showing my age, but I fully support Charlie trying to keep Edward as far away from Bella as possible. Like, TWICE (at least) she’s had full-on mental breaks because of that dude. I wouldn’t let him near my kid either, if I had one

- Democracy. Clearly the best way to make the vampire decision

- Lmao “it’d be nice to not want to kill you all the time” Jasper I love it

- Awww Rosalie I love you so muchhhhhhh 🥺

- Emmett 😂

- Awww Carlisle!!!! I’m a big fan of the family standing with Bella, and all their reasons

- Jacob what a dramatic way to tell someone you want to talk to them 😂 You could’ve been hit!!

- Awww look at Eddie being the bigger man!

- BOOOOOOO Jacob, let her make her own choices!!

- Based on the vague spoilers I have from being on the internet and knowing what comes next in the plot, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is supposed to happen in Eclipse. Like how do they get a whole book’s worth of stuff between that and her turning? Cuz her turning is in the last one, right? (No spoilers please, I’m just asking rhetorical questions 😝)

- The fact that Jacob stopped short of hurting Bella even when he was in full wolf-anger mode is all the evidence I need to FULLY disapprove of Sam 😒

- “Just give me five years” you really want Emmett to be able to make even WORSE age jokes about you and Bella??

- “And then forever” AHHHHHH OMG THAT’S SO FUCKING CUTE I CANNNTTTTTTT

- YOU’RE 18 YOU SHOULDN’T BE GETTING MARRIED AT 18 BUT IT’S FICTION SO AHHHHHHH IT’S SO FUCKING CUTEEEEEEE

Omg I loved New Moon!!!! Honestly wasn’t sure what to expect, but I really really enjoyed this movie!!! I’m psyched to watch the next one, although like I said I have NO idea what it’s gonna be about 😂 Maybe their wedding is in Eclipse? Lol I guess we’ll see.

Unfortunately, that’s gonna have to wait a little bit. I’m not going to have time to watch the next movie tomorrow, and I’d stay up, by my dog keeps staring at me with half-asleep looks to guilt me into going to bed with her. The “Sophie Watching The Twilight Saga Saga” will continue on Sunday!

[cosmiccandydreamer]

Stability Chapter 6

Otis Driftwood x Reader

( I don't own these gifs)

Phones were ringing off the hook at the sheriff department. News of the house of horror being overthrown was the talk of the town. Mama was being held in custody while the rest of the Sherrifs station brainstormed a plan to capture the rest of the family. Little did they know that meant you too. Otis tried hard to keep you away from any kind of evidence linking you to the family. One of the many reasons he didn't take you to the court house when you got married was so you wouldn't be legally tied to them.Sheriff Wydell threw his pen onto his desk. He rubbed his eyes, tired and annoyed he looked to his deputy.

"All right, Dobson. It's about time we came here to do what the good lord says in the good book as "a cleansing of the wicked".

"Sir, you think we're gonna die here today?" Ray Dobson's voice shaken with fear looking toward the Firefly house

Sheriff John Wydell scoffed looking toward him "Dying's not an option. Now, you stick that back in that gray matter of yours and you make that stick. 'Cause any other thought is gonna get you cold slabbed, toe tagged, and mailed home to your mamma in a plastic bag. Are we crystal?"

Officer Ray Dobson looked at him taking a deep breath "Crystal, Sir."

Sheriff Wydell adjusted his hat,"Gentlemen, let's do what God made us to do".

"I'm sorry what did you say Ray? I didn't hear a goddamn thing you said I'm so fucking tired ask that new kid what's his name to grab me a cup of joe woulda ya?". "Um I was saying sir we aren't getting much information out of the mother, she's just spouting nonsense and well very vulgar things. Did you wanna try again in the morning or?"" Naw... naw I'll go have a chat with er' see what I can get out of it you know there's a way to talk to these backward sideways hillbillies". Wydell stood up putting his hat on the table and passed Ray " don't forget about my coffee".

"Well well well if it isn't the matriarch in the flesh" Wydell said loudly walking into the cell. Mama looked up at him, a sly smile creeping across her face. " Evening Sheriff".. Wydell grabbed a chair sitting across from her " well you are something

I'll bet them old farm boys love you."

"Everyone loves me. Don't you pretend you don't fancy me." Mama firefly said sitting up in her chair. "Oh why, yes Ma'am. I find you quite irresistible." He stood up and walked over to her setting a small scrapbook in front of her. " Now would you be ever so kind to tell me what you know about this?" He lightly tapped the book a few times encouraging her to reach for it. She eventually did gingerly reach for the book. opening the pages she scanned through and ran your finger over the faces of her family.

She stopped at a picture of Baby in particular, She recalled her as a child "she was such an angel my little angel baby". " Oh yes, yes she is now … can you tell me about this girl?" Wydell stood above her nas pointed to a picture of Baby and you from high school. " Oh that was her little friend back in the day, nice girl didn't stick around though I think she had kin out of state." Mama replied not looking at Wydell but fondly at the pictures. " So let's make this easier on everyone Mama and tell me where Otis, your angel Baby and this cute lil thing right here went". He tapped the picture again. "I don't know where my angel and Otis went and I already told you this girl ain't been around since Baby was a child". " Yeah I know you said that but…" Wydell takes the book back and flips to another section of the book, with pictures of you and Otis this time. It was you sitting on the hood of your car with his arms around your waist, this was taken last summer, your shorts riding dangerously high as he stood between your legs. He was smiling at you and you had your head thrown back in a laugh.

"You've been watching my house ?!" Mama angrily asked looking up from the book and at Wydell. " You've been spying on my family?!". " you do know her…" he turns and walks slowly around the room. "Now I think it's time we start being honest with each other any information that you know will be helpful and I promise not to take it out too hard on them but if you don't help me so help me God.." " I'm not telling you shit" mama snapped at him. He walked closer to her about to say something else when she spit in his face. "I ain't scared of you". Suddenly Wydell grabs her and pushes her up against the wall. "You listen to me, and you listen well! I am gonna kill every member of your family! I'm gonna hunt them down like the animals they are, and I'm gonna skin em' alive! They are going to feel the pain and suffering of every last victim! I am done playing with you and your fucked up family. You killed my brother, you killed those innocent cheerleaders and You've killed more people than we can count. I can only imagine the bodies that lay under your home there must be a thousand. You've been a plague on this town no longer".

Mama didn't flinch, she smiled at him. " Oh you think this is funny? It's not going to be funny when I catch up with your merry band of freaks. They're gonna crawl on their hands and knees, and they're gonna beg me for mercy! But all I'm gonna have for them is pain! Pain and death!" He roughly dropped as she exploded in laughter.

" TICK TOCK SHERIFF TICK TOCK

HAHAHAAHAH!!!!. "

"Ray! Call up those two idiots and tell them we got a job for them" he angrily shouted to his deputy as he passes and grabs his coffee.

[nostalgiaispeace]

2232.

1. What is your favorite shade of blue? dark 2. When’s the last time you bought something just because? lol never 3. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? - 4. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? idk 5. Do you daydream? always

6. What was your last daydream about? well i’m not telling thei nternet 7. Ever won the lottery? lol no 8. How much did you get for your high school graduation? i don’t remember 9. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? idk 10. Do you know what your Chinese horoscope is? hmmm i might 11. What is love really about? nothing i can describe right now while i’m exhausted 12. What’s the most you ever made in a year? lol 13. Do you have an online diary? no 14. What’s the biggest pot you’ve won in poker? I’ve never played poker. 15. What’s your most prized possession? my frog 16. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? - 17. Ever been to Ozzfest? no 18. How many concerts have you been to? a lot 19. Which one was your favorite? lana del rey 20. What shade of purple most describes your feelings right now? none 21. Pick a shade of a color. Now describe it to me and name it. light 22. Sun tea or brewed tea? brewed 23. What’s the most illegal thing you’ve done? drugs 24. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. 25. What’s under your bed? my cat 26. Vacuum or dustbuster? Vacuum. 27. How many people are on your buddy list? lol 28. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? none 29. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? yeah. britney spears 30. What’s your favorite card game? solitare 31. Who was the most annoying person you’ve talked to on the phone? idk 32. What’s your favorite fast food meal? chick fil a nuggets and mac and cheese 33. Where is the best restaurant you’ve ever eaten in at? idk 34. Lamb chops or pork chops? Neither. 35. How many roses have you received/given? idk 36. When’s the last time you mowed the lawn? years ago 37. Washed your car? years ago 38. Ever have a tornado in your town? not since i’ve lived here — 40. What state is your wardrobe in? fine 41. What’s the last article of clothing you bought? sweats 42. How many trash cans can you see right now? One. 43. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I don’t know. 44. Ever heard of Shinedown? Yeah. 45. They rock, don’t they? sure 46. What size is your bed? queen 47. When’s the last time you had pigs in a blanket? not that long ago actually 48. Have you ever painted the ceilings in your home? no 49. What does your lawn furniture consist of? lawn chairs 50. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? no 51. What flavor of jelly are you? strawberry 52. Ever take any of those online personality quizzes? yeah 53. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? none 54. What’s on the floor in your bedroom? Nothing. 55. What is the first meal you remember eating? idk 56. Ever been to a drive in? no 57. What was the first movie you ever saw? i don’t remember 56. What’s in your keepsake box/scrapbook? so many things 57. Describe your first date. idk 58. Would you recognize most of your classmates 5 years after graduation? sure 59. What percentile of your class were you in? I have no idea. 60. When was the last time it rained while the sun was shining? I don’t recall. 61. What did you score on your SATs? i don’t remember 62. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? it’s been a bit 63. Name your favorite artist/song from before 1990. zeppelin 64. Do you think there should be new genres of music to encompass some of the newer rock performers out now? no 65. What colors is your lava lamp? - 66. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever hung on the wall? I haven’t hung up anything strange. 67. When’s the last time you did laundry? todayy 68. How many hammers do you own? one 69. Can you name every place you’ve ever had sex? yes 70. How many speakers are in your bedroom? none 71. DVD or VHS? dvd 72. What’s the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? idk 73. What forms of birth control have you used? pill and implant 74. How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? no 75. You have .30 in two coins. One of them is not a nickel. What are they? uh 76. What’s your pet peeve when cleaning the house? um all of it 77. Do you use sponges or dishcloths when doing the dishes? sponges 78. How many people are in your family portrait? three 79. How many times have you moved? too many times 80. Handcuffs or rope :D? Neither. 81. What season best describes your temperament? winter 82. What’s the last thing you had to drink? diet coke 83. Ever been so drunk you blacked out? no 84. What’s your favorite song on the top twenty right now? idk. 85. What do your light fixtures look like? uh normal 86. How many jobs have you held for more than a month? 4 87. Ever punched a wall? yes 88. When’s the last time you really lost your temper? It’s been a long time. 89. How do you cope? i cry 90. What’s your antidrug? idk 91. Ever grown any plants before? What were they? Nope. 92. Ever own a director chair? No. 93. When was the last time you camped out? when i was a kid 94. Went swimming? years ago 95. Went fishing? lol 96. Oust or Glade and why? Glade. 97. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? yes 98. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? well i was pregnant so i was happy 99. Do you have a red-eye mouse or one with a ball? none 100. What do your doorstops look like? - 101. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? i don’t remember 102. What do your drinking glasses look like? they’re just solid colors 103. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? a lot 104. How many funerals have you been to? a lot 105. How many states have you been to? a lot

106. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? a wasp 107. What does your country need right now? sanity 108. Are you creative? not really 109. How so? – 110. How many computers in your household? Two. 111. Ever help to solve a crime? No. 112. Who is in the picture frame on your bedside table? - 113. How many CDs does your player hold? - 114. What is one thing you’d like to do before you die? go to england 115. Do the good die young or do they die before they have a chance to be bad? um both suck 116. What’s your favorite totally cliche’ saying? everything happens for a reason 117. Ever go out of your way to exact revenge on someone? no 118. Was it worth it? - 119. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? no 120. What’s the weather like right now? HOT 121. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? vodka 122. Do you have a door/doorknob to your room? Yes. 123. Name one thing you regret? lol so many 124. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? no 125. What’s the furthest distance you’ve moved? states away 126. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? a few

127. Where is your home/heart right now? here 128. What’s the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? idk 129. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought? my car 130. How many hangers are in your closet? a lot 131. If you died right now, would you feel cheated or happy? happy 132. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? a few 133. Ever spent the night in the “loony bin?” yes 134. What’s wrong with society? lol so much 135. How many crazy ice cream trucks are in your area? none really 136. What is your favorite cover song? i have a lot 137. Does the weather ever seem to reflect your mood eerily? no 138. Are you more psychic than most people? lol no 139. What’s your inspiration? my daughter 140. What’s the longest relationship you’ve been in? the one i’m in now for 8 years 141. Did you ever drop out of school? college 142. Ever raise a child that wasn’t your own for more than 3 months? No. 143. What is your favorite piece of jewelry? wedding band 144. Ever help someone cheat on someone else? ew no 145. Are you a cheater too? No. 146. What was the last dessert type food you’ve eaten? candy 147. Fill in the blank: I’m a ________aholic. Coffeeholic. 148. When’s the last time you went to a hairdresser/salon? february 149. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? nothing strange 150. Do you own any appliances? yes 151. Do you have an “egg crate” on your bed? no 153. Last time you went to the laundromat? idk 154. How many hinges are on your front door? I’m not sure. 155. Can I be done yet? yes

[albatris]

Hi hello it's Saturday so Ask time; so I know Kai collects Port Stuff, but I was wondering, does anyone else collect random bit and bobs??? Like I press flowers sometimes and have a weird collection of masks, which serve no purpose to me beyond me being :D at them. Yea does anyone else collect stuff (and does Kai have any other collections that's a legal question as well)?

oh hey, happy saturday! thank you for the ask!

:D is an extremely valid purpose for collecting things! I have a few :D collections myself! flowers are real good n masks are also real good, I approve!!

anyway!

Kai does collect Port Stuff, but they also have a fondness for any type of odd antique or strange object, regardless of whether it's imbued with any interdimensional energies c: one of their favourite pasttimes is hopping round garage sales and thrift stores just to see what weird junk those places've got going on. mysterious keys! obsolete electronics! old journals full of indecipherable codes! weird bootleg pokemon toys! basically anything that makes you go either "hey why does this exist?" or "oh this has extremely cursed energy", chances are Kai will immediately yoink it and love it with their entire heart

Shara has a Rubik's cube collection I've mentioned before! she digs the aesthetic and she has a fondness for puzzles, but they're also something that's good to fidget with to keep ur hands busy or to focus on as a distraction if you're feeling anxious or wound-up. she tends to carry a few round with her at all times and other characters eventually come to expect that if they're ever visibly anxious Shara will just immediately pull a Rubik's cube from nowhere and hand it to them :P aside from this, she also has an impressive collection of floral scarves!!

Tris doesn't really have any specific collections unless you count his entire shelf's worth of obscure and deeply pretentious coffee brands?? actually, yeah, that counts lmao. this is a grade A coffee snob. he orders them specially online n some of them get pretty pricey and everyone lowkey judges him for it. like!! half of them taste the exact same!! why does he insist on buying them!! Noa is almost certain he can't actually pick up on the so-called ~subtle differences in flavour~ he insists are there and he's just too stubborn to admit it

Noa's veeeeery sentimental so she collects basically anything with a memory attached to it. maybe that's not a super interesting answer? but ye, general stuff like ticket stubs, receipts, photos, handwritten notes... but also lots of things like scraps of paper or ribbons or old envelopes or random pebbles that maybe look like junk but are valuable to her specifically because of the story behind them. she's keeps a designated box in her closet that All The Stuff Goes In, n she's currently on her third designated box

also fun fact due to her sentimentality and her good eye for design and aesthetics Noa is VERY into scrapbooking but do NOT tell the world about this. she has a cool edgy persona to uphold

[in-tua-deep]

things i think the Hargreeves should do post apocalypse:

Luther:

Any adult shop classes because I genuinely love mechanic!Luther and have been slipping that into like, all my aus where I can.

Goes to slam poetry nights because he genuinely enjoys poetry (hello space poetry from episode one about the comet or whatever) and maybe one day is confident enough to share his with other people

Gets some gym bros who all enthusiastically support him in a bro sort of way who are constantly getting their minds blown by how much Luther can lift and constantly going “YOOOOOO” while Luther tries to downplay things bc he’s embarrassed 

I don’t know I just want Luther to have actual friends

Probably goes to every astronomy event where people have telescopes and is known in that scene so every time there’s some event at the observatory newcomers are like “what the FUCK” when this bigass bodybuilder comes in and starts gushing about which planet is visible I don’t know

Spearheads a lot of the family’s museum (that aren’t art museum) outings, especially if they have any exhibit that even vaguely relates to outer space or planets or the moon or anything. 

Probably gets up at godawful hours on the morning to go hiking and see the sunrise because he really liked doing that on the moon and even though it isn’t quite the same he still loves to do it. (If he’s not hiking he goes up to Grace’s roof garden to watch it)

Diego:

He already does his fighting at the gym which is kind of cool I’m going to gently assume that he already has gym bros and if he doesn’t then he becomes somewhat more approachable after everything

(having your mother comes down to the gym and kiss your cheek or your teenage brother hop in to drag you away or you other very flamboyant sibling dance his way into the gym to fetch you doesn’t exactly do wonders for keeping a reputation going)

I do want to think that Diego takes up like,, whittling but I think he’d have to do it away from Vanya bc,, you know,, Leonard/Harold whatever was a woodcarver or something but idk maybe Vanya is cool with it - but just the image of Diego hunching over and carving at something and Klaus leaning over and trying to enthusiastically guess what it is while getting it super super wrong because Diego is a beginner and his starting pieces are all lumpy monstrosities makes me smile

Diego taking cooking classes so that he can surprise Grace by taking over dinner sometimes and letting her relax and do what she wants

I’ve said this somewhere before but Diego spearheading picnic events and forcing the family out of the house because he thinks it’s a nice thing for Grace to see the world and on god if any of his siblings fight him about it he will stuff their asses into a picnic basket himself because they are GOING

Gets dragged by Klaus into dumb ideas to “give ourselves a CHILDHOOD diego” more than any other member of the family. Which basically means that Diego is the one Klaus grabs to surf a mattress down the staircase and other dumbass ideas

Allison:

Probably ends up redecorating the mansion and completely redoing it to make it more modern and also less the horrible hellscape with taxidermied animals on the walls that it is. Her and Grace squad up to plan everything and then Allison makes everyone help when it comes to things like painting and building all the nice ikea furniture she just bought

Takes parenting classes as sort of extra credit for her custody case for Claire. I feel like eventually she and Patrick genuinely talk to each other, maybe at some kind of joint therapy, and sort of clear the air between them. They might never get back together, but they at least become sort of friends again. Mainly because I like the Patrick I’ve built up for myself in my head tbh

Occasionally attends craft classes with Klaus when she has a spare moment, because he goes to like,, all the local craft classes. She likes to spend the time with him. Is probably the only sibling who willingly attends with Klaus, but others get dragged along as well.

Probably takes up scrapbooking? She wants to have something physical to give to Claire so decides to go through like,, all the camera footage of their childhoods and pick out good images (because goodness knows they didn’t have cute family pictures) and maybe Grace uploads some of her memories to a harddrive with cute shit and they scrapbook together let me have this

on a related note buys a camera and starts trying to catch her siblings doing cute things for her scrapbook with the sort of determined energy of someone who has realized that she’s having to do her scrapbooking from security camera footage because their childhoods were fucked up

(she has a bajillion pictures of herself - thank you paparazzi - but all she has on her siblings is like... what, one of diego’s fighting posters and the two pictures of Vanya from her book and from the newspaper on the fucked up apocalypse concert??)

Klaus:

Genuinely goes to any and all craft classes offered at the community center and random places around town. Usually sort of a disaster, always a disaster when he drags along his siblings, and always proudly brings home his third grader worthy creations that Grace proudly puts on the shelves. He gets better at things the more he goes to them though, so there’s a progression of skill level in his crafts. Allison goes with him when she has time.

Has a knitting circle that he attends that is primarily made of little old ladies who dote on him. Five occasionally goes with but it often conflicts with Five’s other extra curricular activities.

Bakes at home a lot, with Grace’s supervision after some certain incidents that should remain unnamed. Tends to get ‘creative’ with the recipes but now that Grace is present to make sure it won’t be a disaster everyone is more willing to taste whatever comes out. Has, on at least one occasion, insisted on decorating cookies or icing cupcakes or whatever as a ‘family bonding activity.’

Goes with Ben to the movie theater frequently even to the gross horror movies that Klaus hates and Ben absolutely loves. Klaus always insists Diego come to the horror movies so that Klaus has someone physically there for him to hold onto when he’s scared. Five comes sometimes as well, but tends to critique the special effects - especially blood and blood splatter - which makes other people turn around to hush them.

Five:

I genuinely want to say he does gymnastics lessons. Mainly because I feel like he needs to do SOMETHING physical and get rid of his excess energy, and also I think it would be hilarious for him to be tumbling and teleporting and shit at the same time what a wild ride. Absolutely refuses to allow his siblings to come to any competitions or whatever, but they all end up showing up anyway.

Starts learning instruments. Asks Vanya for lessons on the violin so they can play together, it’s very cute. I also wants to say starts learning the piano because someone sent me an ask once about it and it was super valid. And Five can learn both because I say so and he doesn’t go to school he has the free time

Is on first name basis with a bunch of scientists and mathematicians online where they all yell numbers at one another. Probably in a super technical group chat with a bunch of people with actual doctorates who don’t actually know that Five doesn’t have a doctorate. 

Actually you know what just let Five start actually going to college like let him go to the local community college or start taking college classes or something. He can get his GED or whatever. Let this boy get a DEGREE

Goes to art classes, first because drawing therapy was something Klaus suggested and he wanted to get his brother off his back. Later because he enjoys it. There’s a life drawing group he frequents - he’s the youngest there and new people always do a double take when he shows up but Five is very meticulous in his art and is actually pretty good. Grace goes with him as well because I say so and they deserve bonding time together

Ben:

I mean he’s kind of dead but let him do things with his siblings as well!!

Like I said earlier, a total movie buff and loves going to see things in theaters. And by movie buff I just mean he sees a lot of movies. Bizarrely into horror movies for how sensitive a kid he always was. He goes to the theater with Klaus for the most part but likes to watch movies with the family as well. Klaus makes him watch every animated movie with him in return for Ben dragging Klaus to watch horror movies.

Probably ends up with a youtube channel?? does movie reviews and game playthroughs whenever Klaus has enough energy to manifest him. Is pretty popular but half his followers are because of the bizarre shit that goes on in the backgrounds of his videos. People figure out Klaus (who is a frequent guest) is The Seance and then Five jumps in to tell them dinner is ready or something and they’re like “wait is that the Seances brother with the portal powers who vanished when he was a teen and still IS a teen” and the fact that ben probably has a username that’s some shit like “bentacles” that klaus set up for him everyone is theorizing that the channel is just. Ghost Ben and Five who are being manifested by the Seance to?? play games? 

well. they’re half right.

it certain doesn’t help the rumor mill when Ben makes sarcastic comments about dying or how he can’t get arrested because he’s legally dead and shit like that.

“Yeah sorry I didn’t post yesterday Klaus’s knitting group ended up getting arrested somehow - I was there and I’m still not sure went down - so that’s why I didn’t manifest”

Vanya:

I mean obviously she plays the violin that’s her job. She also teaches Five how to play the violin when he expresses an interest!! She is very touched by the gesture

Swims to keep fit and is a frequent at the pool. Klaus once bugged her to let him come, but it’s really her thing that she just does by herself when she wants to get out of her own brain. She does promise Klaus that they’ll take a family trip to a water park one day though, which he enthusiastically takes her up on.

Attends a book club that she also half-shares with Ben. Ben doesn’t come with to any of the meetings, but she always buys two copies/borrow two copies from the library so that Ben can read along with them and he and Vanya discuss the books before she even goes to any of the meetings. Probably thought there would be more discussion of the books than complaining about their general lives, but keeps going because she lowkey wants an excuse to keep frequenting the bookstore where this cute girl works.

Her and Five steadily are making their way through all the coffee shops in the city (as well as through their menus) in search of the best cup of coffee. It’s just a fun thing they do together that the other siblings occasionally go with as well whenever they have time. Both Five and Vanya have notebooks where they record their ratings based on a variety of factors. Diego calls them pretentious and Klaus always gets the ones which are barely classified as coffee when he goes with (Five steals sips and makes faces but continues to do so)

Grace:

Frequents art museums and galleries! Supports a lot of beginning and local artists by buying their art and has a lot of rotating paintings and prints in the house depending on her mood. She got rid of pretty much like,, all the old painting that Reggie had up except for a few of her favs which she relocates to her new room that Diego put his foot down on giving her

Goes with Five to his art classes at first because, as a minor, he needed an adult to go with him for nudity reasons (it’s a life drawing class man). Grace didn’t expect to actually draw herself but Five insisted because he felt awkward with her just standing there. She prefers abstract styles herself (so many people at this art class have a crush on Grace you have no idea)

(actually goes with Five to most things he’s beginning for himself for at least the first lesson to sign him up as an adult because Five loathes having to ask his siblings)

Commissions someone to come and paint a portrait of the family that’s for them, where none of them are stiff and they’re all happy. She tips the artist fabulously for it and hangs the new family portrait in the place of honor above the mantle where Five’s portrait used to hang (they all destroyed it as a family bonding activity)

Keeps bees on the roof after one of the kids showed her an article about saving the bees. She can’t get stung and genuinely enjoys hanging out up there where she ALSO started a big garden because I say so and Grace deserves to be surrounded by flowers and bumblebees and happiness don’t @ me

[margridarnauds]

I have an Irish ask! How did the regional kings hierarchy work - was there a high king irl? How did you rule, and what over, and how did you get to be high king, if so? (From - a descendant of the Kings of Desmond, but very confused about what's shit, and what's legit, in Irish History?

Kingship in an Irish context is an endlessly complicated topic, and it seems like for every question we get, someone’s written or plans to write a dissertation on it. You accidentally tripped over a landmine when asking me this one. Which is DEFINITELY not your fault, I don’t resent you for it, it just means you are getting a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG answer.

But. Anyway. Kingship. I will preface anything I say with the acknowledgment that I am a mythological literature person, not necessarily a law/contracts/history person. Also that, tragically, there are a LOT of law tracts that remain untranslated. (And a lot of things. In general.)

So, this is…complicated, since a LOT of the work in the legal tradition revolves around the notion of kingship (seriously, my closest friend in the department is a legal scholar and we have had some long bitchfests about how much attention is paid to kingship VS the common people, simply because…..guess who was paying for these manuscripts to be made? Yep, it ain’t Farmer Cormac. The single most important thing you can ever remember about these texts is that they were made by and for an elite audience); you have a lot of kings in a fairly condensed space, and it gets to the point of whether we should even really properly translate rí as “king” or whether a more generic term like “leader” is actually more accurate, though it IS cognate with Latin “Rex” and Gaulish “Rix.” (Aka “Vercingetorix”, “Cunorix”, “Asterix”…all the most important “Rix”s of the ancient world.) So. Kings. Definitely kings. But not really in any way we would generally consider “kings” to be. Fergus Kelly estimated that there could be as many as 150 KINGS throughout Ireland between the 5th-12th centuries (17), which….on a relatively small island that holds only about 5 million people in the present….**150**.

Traditionally, the idea of a singular high king of Ireland was….okay, so you have a LOT of guys who claim to be “King of Ireland,” but there’s a question of how real that power actually was, how much power they ACTUALLY wielded, and how stable they actually were. And, on one hand “King of Tara” is generally taken to be synonymous with “king of Ireland”, (hence the Uí Néill’s LONG claim to power), but there are a lot of issues with that one, and it’s something that’s a matter of debate, not the least because it seems like the Uí Néill…..might have influenced the literature ever so slightly as a way of bolstering their own claims (Jaski, Early Irish Kingship and Succession, 215). Basically, no evidence that the kings of Munster paid tribute to the kings of Tara before the 9th century, making the claim that the King of Tara = King of ALL Ireland doubtful. 

And….well, I’ll let Bart Jaski explain the title of ardrí (high king), since he’s the man with the big book on it: “To keep up with [the political developments of Brían Boru’s victory at the Battle of Clontarf], the annalists of the tenth century introduce the title ‘high-king’ (ardri) as a title of recognition or flattery to denote a powerful king who achieved a remarkable domination over others. In later historiography, the old kingship of Tara came to be regarded as the ‘high-kingship’ of Ireland, which is both an anachronism and an inaccurate estimation of what the kingship of Tara meant, both in pre-historic times as in the documentary period. The title of rex Hiberniae given to the kings of Tara Domnall of Cenél Conaill and his grandson Loingsech does not lend support to the existence of a ‘high kingship’. as they were apparently subjectively awarded by partisan annalists and others.” 

Fergus Kelly was more to the point, “The king of Ireland (rí Érenn), who figures so prominently in the sagas, is rarely mentioned in the law-texts. Though the idea of a kingship of the whole isalnd had already gained currency by the 7th century, no Irish king ever managed to make it a reality, and most law-texts do not even provide for such a possibility” (18). 

Charles-Edwards disputed this conclusion in Early Christian Ireland (okay, technically, he disputed Binchy’s conclusions, but this line of thinking), discussing some further references to a single king of Ireland binding the other kings of Ireland to him, as Conchobar was said to have done with the men of Ulster, as well as the legal term tríath, with a line from an 8th century law text being “He is a burdensome tríath who penetrates Ireland of peoples from sea to sea” (519). Liam Bhreatnach suggested in his article ‘Ardrí as an old compound,” as the name suggests, that the term itself, while little used, is old. I can’t get ahold of it at present, but I’m going to presume he did make a solid case, given that Carey, Jaski, and Charles-Edwards all cite him, and they are all careful, respectable scholars. What John Carey would point out in “From David to Labraid” is that actually, several of those early references were in fact to the Christian as opposed to an earthly deity. AKA “The ULTIMATE high king, the highest of kings” (pg. 21-23). Something suggested by Carey in that same article is that the Church MIGHT have promoted the idea of high kingship as a way of appealing to kings who would be interested in it in exchange for their support of Christianity; a quid pro quo. 

Basically, the question of the extent of the high king’s power, both in a Christian and pre-Christian context, is HIGHLY controversial and something I reckon will never fully be satisfactorily resolved, not the least because it also has the misfortune of featuring two favorite, perennial topics of many Celticists: Etymological arguments and kingship. What I think we CAN gather from the debate is that it was very far from a SOLID title, more a matter of individual monarchs as opposed to stable dynasties. Medieval Ireland did not have a Versailles and a Louis XIV, there was not a singular sun king who decided their fates. 

Now, in general, kingship was not necessarily held with the same iron grip that you would see with, say, the Plantagenets in England. Primogeniture was not necessarily a thing here. You did have to be a nobleman to be king (Sorry, Farmer Cormac, you’re out, get back to your field, peasant), and you had to be descended from a king in either the first or the second degree to be king, but you did NOT have to be the firstborn son. If you have seven kids and the youngest is the only one who is qualified to lead….yep, Junior takes the lot. So, that’s the first thing. There’s a section of Mac Firbis’ Great Book of Genealogies (which is a LATE text, but includes basically a scrapbook of older material) that references that exact scenario. Youngest can take it, eldest can take it, eldest PROBABLY has a higher shot of it because…older, more time to be groomed for the kingship, more time to gather people loyal to him, etc. But. Like. All of the kids have a shot, and depending on where they’re fostered off to, their foster families will very likely support them if they want to make a bid for the kingship. (Irish dynastic politics were VERY turbulent.)

 A king is elected to the tribe through the popular acclamation of their major clients/family members; their power, while it is something that is expected to some extent, is not a GIVEN to the same extent. (Jaski 212). Which. Is where the role of tánaiste comes in, which is a late development, but it irons things out so it’s like “Okay, when the old fuck dies, this dude is king.” In a literary context, this is also why Bres’ kingship is kind of doomed from the beginning. Because it’s the WOMEN of the Tuatha dé who support his kingship, not the men.

 And, of course, even if Junior does take the throne, that does NOT mean that his brother’s kids are out of the running when Junior dies (or, more to the point, they might try to speed things along and arrange for a “hunting accident” to happen.) Because of the three generation requirement to maintain noble status, there was quite a bit of infighting (Jaski 197), as different offshoots of a given high king will want the throne in order to maintain their noble rank. Knives Out: The Medieval Ireland edition. 

One story that deals with this is Echtra mac nEchdach Mugmedóin (Adventures of the Sons of Eochaid Mugmedóin), which discusses how the future Niall of the Nine Hostages, born the son of a Saxon slave and the king of Ireland, hated by his stepmother, and the youngest of the lot of the sons ends up taking the kingship anyway. (Answer: He’s down to sleep with an old hag. Who is also the sovereignty of Ireland. And is like “Okay, that was some good D, here’s how you get the kingship now.”) Now, this is primarily a literary as opposed to a historical story, but…..well….that’s where a lot of our stuff for this. Does come from. For better or worse. And I’m not just saying that because I’m currently procrastinating on working on an edition of that very text. 

So, on the question of “How to rule.” The main relationship was between an overking-client king. So, let’s say that I am an underking in….IDK. Munster. What can I say? I like Munster. I’m not even a pronvincial king, but I’ve got my tuath, I’m chilling out, I’ve got my cattle, I’ve got some Nemed-class people with me, I’ve got a bit of land, and a couple of those people we don’t really talk about because they’re not important (Aka “Commoners, slaves, etc.” The people who do the work that the more privileged classes CANNOT do, like chop wood.) 

Now, let’s say that you’re a provincial king, King of Munster. Your father’s just died, you’ve become king, or, alternatively, you’ve beaten the shit out of the other candidates, and you roll up to my people. Now, I could probably fight, but like. That’s a way to. Die. And maybe I do want the protection that comes from a Lord-Client relationship, since, hey, that DOES mean that you’re responsible for me. And if the King of Connacht rolls up and is like “Hey, I want to attack you and steal your cattle” you can roll up and be like “Hey, want to die?” Also, if one of your OTHER subjects kills a man in my tuath, you are expected to mediate, with me taking a hostage from your court until everything’s resolved, and you and I both getting a part of the resulting settlement (Kelly 23). And, of course, I’ll support you as well. It’s a mutual client relationship, just….an inherently uneven one. Most of the powerful subject kings, who were free but still subject to an overking were related to that king by a shared kinship, but there was a double edged sword: I support you, and then your brother Eochaid comes to the throne, I’m up Shit River with no paddle (Jaski 206). If I’m particularly useful/powerful to you, you might even foster one of your kids with me, so I can support him politically later down the line. (And also strengthen the relationship between our two peoples; that kid is going to be more mine than yours by the time that his fosterage is over, he will call you athair and me datai; one is a more formal term meaning “father,” [cognate with Latin pater and English father] one is more like “dad” and is cognate with the Welsh dat. Which seems to be related to….yep, the English diminutive dad.) Peter Parkes rather magnificently talks about this system as: “Clientage dressed in a false plumage of kinship: Cuckold consanguinity.” (”When Milk Was Thicker Than Water?”, Comparative Studies in Society and History 6.3, pg. 606)

So, what would happen there? Well, the system of overking-client king was held together much in the same way as the relationship between individuals would be, ie through hostages. The giving of hostages is something that was EMBEDDED in the legal system. So, you and I would proceed to haggle over who I have to hand over. Now, I don’t want you to take someone too important, you will want to take the most important person you can. I’ll try to get you to take my third cousin twice removed who I might see once every few years, Conall, you’ll try to get one of my kids. And, let’s be real, since you have the most power in this situation, you’ll probably fucking win. “He who has the sword makes the rules”- NOT an official medieval Irish legal statement, but it might as well be. Now, it should be emphasized that hostages were HIGHLY respected and treated well, there was no particular stigma against someone who was a hostage at some point, and you do have accounts of hostages eating at the king’s table, in a position that denotes a degree of intimacy and companionship. And a couple who are brutally executed or maimed when their kings broke the terms of the agreement, but, hey, only a 2% murder rate or so; very good for the times. It could be that the king’s son had a role when it came to making sure the hostages were cared for. But there’s not been all that much work done on it and a lot of this is being remembered second hand from a PhD student in our department who did a STELLAR lecture on the topic; if and when he decides to formally publish it, I’ll probably make a big deal over it. Because….this shit is IMPORTANT. 

This is also why it’s Niall of the Nine Hostages. Because that’s how many peoples he extracted hostages from, that is a sign of his power as a king. You could NOT be king of Ireland without hostages. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Like, how are you going to be sure that your supporters are going to stick with you? And even if they do, where’s the signs of your authority? Why do you expect anyone to take you seriously? 

So, a king of Ireland’s reign would be held together by a similar system, whether it’s provincial or the famous ardri. A high king would take hostages from their client kings as a way of showing off their power and authority, and they would probably show them off when making a circuit of their territory. Your ancestor would definitely have had a group of hostages taken from the athech-thúatha, or client peoples. The Triads put it slightly more succinctly: “[220] Three things that constitute a king: a contract with other kings, the feast of Tara, abundance during his reign.” 

Now, again, this is an idealized literary context, but we’ve discussed the first one, the contractural nature. The feis Temro, or the Feast of Tara, was something that a High King of Ireland HAD to do as a way of securing his reign, and in the early days at least it seemed to involve some sort of marriage/sexual ritual with a representative of the goddess of sovereignty, a living embodiment of the land, and it would involve imbibing some sort of drink offered to him by her as well. (This is why Eochaid Airem HAS to marry Étain, because he needs a queen to have his feis Temro and become a king. This is also why Niall of the Nine Hostages secured his reign via sleeping with aforementioned hag.) 

And there were a number of different taboos and responsibilities tied to said kingship. For example, in The Tidings of Conchobar Mac Nessa, it is said that “Now Conchobar himself used to give them the (the feast of) Samaim because of the assembly of the great host. It was needful to provide for the great multitude, because everyone of the Ulstermen who would not come to Emain in Samain lost his senses, and on the morrow his barrow and his grave and his tombstone were placed.” The Adventures of Nera also features Medb and Aillil throwing a feast on the day of Samain for the entirety of the province. Baile in Scáil features Conn rising every day so that he can go onto the ramparts of Tara with his druids and poets to defend it from the possibility of otherworldly attack. Another obligation was “the Prince’s truth,” the idea that the king, when giving out judgements, should be able to INTUIT the true answer. Giving a false judgement = ruin for the land, everything goes to shit, the harvests fails, cattle die, aliens invade (okay….maybe not, but like. it would be cool if they did), the king of Leinster steals your wife, etc. until the bad king is replaced. (It has been SUGGESTED that that might be the reason for some of the bog bodies. Possibly.) He also HAD to go out with a retinue when he was out hunting, a king who didn’t lost his honor price, same as if he’d used an instrument of MANUAL LABOR (the horror, the shock) (Kelly 19). For what it’s worth, I do know of at least one case in….I believe the 16th century where a woman claimed that the king was the father of her child, there was no one who could dispute it since he was alone, he took a shine to the child anyway, and BOOM heir. Which further shows one of the social dangers of a king on his own.

More specific ones to each province are laid out in the Book of Rights, which Myles Dillon did an edition of in “Taboos of the Kings of Ireland”. An example (chosen at random) includes, “The five prohibitions of the king of Munster: to hold a court before celebrating the feast of Loch Lern from one Monday to the next; to spend a wet autumn night before winter in Letrecha, to camp for nine days on the Suir, to hold a meeting at the boundary near Gabruan ; to hear the groans of the women of Mag Feimin in their oppression. And his five prescriptions : to despoil Cruachain at the call of the cuckoo; to burn the Laigin to the north of Gabair; to chant the Passion in Lent at Cashel; to travel over Sliab Cua with a company of fifty after pacifying the south of Ireland; to go with a dark grey army on Tuesday across Mag nAlbe.” 

Either way, in Ye Olde Days, there was definitely an element of protecting the people of the region from the possibility of supernatural attack. That would obviously die down a little with the coming of Christianity, I don’t know whether a king in the 15th century, for example, would be expected to keep to it that rigorously, I lean towards “no” personally since this is generally talked about as an outdated custom, but it remained a popular trope in medieval literature. Dillon himself points out that, given that many of the taboos mentioned in here were only recorded in the 14th century, they were likely considered to be an odd, antiquarian quirk. That being said…..it’s ALL tied into the kingship, the idea of the king being tied to a certain series of obligations, the mutual relationship between king and people. 

Now, if a king failed in his duties and taboos, he could be ousted. Like “you fucked up, buster, get packing.” Some examples of kings who lost their sovereignty include Bres mac Elatha (my BOY, my SON, my ANGEL, my…..little piece of shit), who was satirized by a bard (this is why people REALLY tend to underline the power of bards, because like. This was an ACKNOWLEDGED power of theirs. They were held in a heady mix of respect and fear for this one), Fergus mac Roiche (didn’t lose it because of incompetence per se, but did hand it over to Conchobar, and the men of Ulster, inexplicably, liked Conchobar more, which….their mistake but.), and Congal Cáech (whose bid for king of Tara was, according to legend at least, ruined by an unfortunate bee sting. In his eye. Whether he was actually king of Tara is something that seems to be slightly disputed.) People often will ask me, when I mention how much I love Bres, why I love him so much, and I feel like the answer to that….there are a hundred answers, depending on my mood, and this is NOT a Bres post, but the one most relevant to the overall topic at hand is that he really experienced the full kingship experience: The rise, the fall, the absolute tumultuous political reality of a 9th century king, albeit a fictionalized one. 

Bibliography: 

Carey, John, ‘From David to Labraid: Sacral Kingship and the Emergence of Monotheism in Israel and Ireland’, Approaches to Religion and Mythology in Celtic Studies

Charles-Edwards, T.M., Early Christian Ireland, Cambridge University Press

Dillon, Myles, “Taboos of the Kings of Ireland,” Proceedings of the Royal Irish Academy: Archaeology, Culture, History,Literature, Vol. 54

Jaski, Early Irish Kingship and Succession, Four Courts Press

Kelly, Fergus, A Guide To Early Irish Law, Dublin Institute for Advanced Studies

Mac Cana, Proinsias, Celtic Mythology, Littlehampton Book Services 

Parkes, Peter, ”When Milk Was Thicker Than Water?”, Comparative Studies in Society and History 6.3