#like I'm stuck with these for two years
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I wasn't planning on having a breakdown today, but here we are. It's happening.
#i can't take it anymore#im also being forced to decorate 2 Christmas trees#I hate Christmas#and the holidays#wake me up when it's mid January#sometimes it just takes one small thing to make a girl burst into tears#I hate my new glasses#like I'm stuck with these for two years#I put a brave face on at the doctor but now I can't keep it together#be careful scrolling things when your brain don't feel good#my Bradley angst fic is back on#shut up coley#coleys rambling
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they make me feel unwell
(continued: Stan & Young Ford)
#the flip side is that Grunkle Stan and Young!Ford are really funny to draw. But these two? I think about them and start sobbing#anyway been trying to draw a little Time Travel AU stuff. specifically The grunks meeting their 30-something-year-old selves#oldies in the 80s AU#if you will#its like god imagine being completely no contact with your brother and then BAM a guy who has the EXACT relationship you want shows up#and he's being really nice to you and you're pretty sure you've passed out and this is a dream but you really dont want to wake up#and on Ford's side he is suddenly face to face with this really beat up younger version of his brother and its like uh oh! Guilt!#Best behaviour time. cannot be ribbing this one like he would've been if Grunk Stan got injured.#Which only adds to the whole 'I'm bleeding out after being beaten up and this is a fever dream' feeling on Stan's side#cw injury#cw blood#i mean drawn and cartoony but still#gahh kinda want to completely redo this from scratch but tis what it tis#Gravity Falls#Gravity Falls time travel AU#time travel au#is time stuck a specific thing or general term for time travel in the fandom? I feel like its a specific thing.#like how iirc twins in time is when its the baby stans with the older ones. but idkkk idkkkkkkk!!!#GF Fan art#gravity falls fanart#fan art#fanart#Ford pines#grunkle ford#stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#mullet stan#young stanley pines#my art
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Is this a safe space to admit I've been avoiding watching Twisters because I'm scared of tornadoes
#like to be fair my last year has been bookended by two dramatic moments of trees falling#(one where a massive windstorm hit and our house was mercifully spared but one down the block was crushed#and then obv the car one)#and all the time in between has had the lowkey worry of what if a storm hits and the tree falls on our house#i saw the trailer for twisters and it seemed to hit the perfect spot of a little dumb/unrealistic where i get mad#and also a little honest/real about the fear and threat in a way that makes it too near#so i guess i believe in y'all's beliefs but i'm gonna sit this one out until a time when i have significantly less general stress in my life#ya feel#(i watched a micarah tewers video recently where she said that and it's stuck in my head)
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captions... we got the script. we. got. the. script. two fucking years and we finally have it.
do you fucking understand the euphoria in my brain right now?!! WE GOT THE FUCKING SCRIPT! it's like BIG 2.0. it's everything.
i'm gonna cry about it for weeks.
#be brave and have the courage to drop transcripting wad premiere and get the script two months later#i'll make the doc file normal and link it if anyone wants just the text#like i did with BIG#god 5 years later FULL CIRCLE#katie if you're reading this. he is stuck. and i'm with him stuck in these scripts#i can't#wad dvd#mine
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Chapters: 9/10 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Black Widow (Movie 2020), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Yelena Belova & Natasha Romanov Characters: Natasha Romanov (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Yelena Belova Additional Tags: Post The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV), mostly - Freeform, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Fix-It of Sorts, Black Widow (2020) Compliant, also mostly, Retcon, NATASHA ISN'T DEAD, Steve didn't abandon his friends, Not Hawkeye Compliant, Shameless Smut, Cunnilingus, Hand Jobs, Bucky's favorite meal is Nat Summary:
This was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Someone was messing with her head. “No.” Natasha's voice came out as a whisper. Somewhere far off, a familiar voice said, “A soul for a soul. An everlasting exchange. That’s what you told them.” She knew that voice and the man behind it, but no name came to her, only colors. Garish and bright. Red, white, and blue.
*************
A Fix-It fic where Natasha comes back to life when Steve returns the Soul Stone to Vormir. Now she needs to figure out her place in a world that thinks she's dead and gone.
#new chapter!#buckynat#winterwidow#winter widow#natasha romanoff#bucky barnes#black widow#winter soldier#ao3feed#don't mind me#i'm just sitting here in the corner reloading my stats page#and i swear it won't be another two years before i post the final chapter#have 5 pages written already#only need like one or one and a half page to finish#plus there's no plot to get stuck on#100% fluff and smut#this does not link to the new chapter#sorry about that
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😭
#health cw#but yes. starting to realise that i'm probably going to be stuck with neuralgia for a few months#it's manageable. it flares up when i talk alot or try something crispy but if I'm careful and stick with softer foods I'm fine#stupid nerve inflammation. honestly makes me feel so much for the people with chronic conditions like this#there's just. not much you can do.#except weather it.#i've gotten used to lukewarm food and drink and sticking to softer things like soup and pasta#rice dishes are also great!#nothing crispy#and bread isn't great either - anything that's rough against the roof of my mouth is a no-go#I have a follow up appointment in just over two weeks but honestly unless they give me some sort of nerve block I'm stuck with this#i was thinking maybe steroids could help with the inflammation but they only prescribed me nerve stabilisers#we shall see. what a year. getting acutely familiar with the anatomy of the lingual nerve#as the sensitivity spreads around my damn mouth and up my cheekbone on the worst flare ups 🙈#tbd
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Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??
Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.
One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.
And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.
These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.
How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?
Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.
And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?
Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.
Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.
And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.
In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.
#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol#like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated#sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol#not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers#speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past#i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it#it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow#and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives#idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with#i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times#like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey#and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce#also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously#sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3#they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum#its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics#its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight
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I was in a major car accident yesterday (got t-boned) and was very luckily a) alone in the car, as the passenger side got walloped and b) not injured. However I took care of everything and then went home and proceeded to sleep for 19 out of the following 24 hours.
#I could feel all my muscles and all of them were in pain. every ounce of my energy was sapped#I needed to eat but the thought of eating made me want to puke#I had to be driven home and I was sat in the front seat like 😵💫🫥😱 why aren't you BRAKING you need to BRAKE every two seconds#After my 24 hour reset I am now up to eating a meal. I still hurt but only the top quarter of my body instead of all of it.#I can stand the thought of being driven now but idk how long it'll be before I'm OK with driving again 🙁#I have been thinking about it like. all the time which sucks. Unfortunately my tolerance for processing negative experiences is -1000#If something bad happens to me I want to just fix the situation and move on from it immediately#and that just doesn't happen in reality. But now I'm stuck sitting with this awful experience for who knows how long :(#I'm lucky our insurance is so good it'll cover everything (but deductible obvs) and I imagine the car is fixable#All in all I'm incredibly lucky and I know that and I'm so grateful to be healthy and home with my husband and cat#But also I've had my license for 8 years and never had an accident. I've been through so much this year. This car is 1.5 months old#It just feels so unnecessary and evil for this to happen now and I feel so guilty that apparently I'm at fault#and caused this huge financial and energetic drain for my lil family when we've already dealt with fuckin everything else the past 6 months#The ''why me why today why when I'm a responsible driver'' is real and my whole shit is rocked. I'm still shaken up#I've had a few times recently where shit felt... unreal? Like I should be able to reload my save because that couldn't have just happened#And this was so vividly that way#I'm strong but like. The Cursed™️ vibe is very present#May have to do a curse break and many protection spells soon#cause this is getting ridiculous#personal
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Help, I'm getting deeply attached to female characters written by Wilkie Collins again.
#books#victober#no name#wilkie collins#the sisters are fantastic#extremely vivid personalities#both with major faults but still likable#even the governess is great#stuck in a miss taylor type of postion#but where she'd be written off as a superfluous middle-aged female in other books#here she's given respect#the main plot hasn't even started yet#i just intended to read a chapter or two in spare moments#but now i'm going to have to tear myself away from reading to get writing and housework done#this is like what happened with valeria in the law and the lady last year#i find myself unexpectedly invested in these people beyond any reasonable claim they should have on me and i don't know why
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i keep getting rejected from job applications and i have no idea what im doing wrong. i wish they would just tell you WHY you're getting rejected and ways to improve. its a guessing game that ends up making me feel even more worthless than i felt before
#like i have been nonstop applying for jobs for the past YEAR and ive gotten TWO INTERVIEWS#one of them i got kicked out of near immediately bc you werent allowed to be late to the job and i mentioned i take the bus (mistake i know)#and the other one i had to turn down bc they wanted to pay me $11/hr despite me already having the experience they needed#and i just reapplied to an old job i had a couple years ago that pays well but i got an instant rejection#not to mention all the other jobs ive been applying to that dont even TRY to contact me before rejecting me#and then my current job where ive been pretty much explicitly told i'm never ever going to get promoted and i keep getting my hours cut#for reasons beyond my comprehension like i dont know what im even doing wrong bc no one will TELL ME#JUST TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG#WHY AM I BEING BAD AT LIFE. CAN YOU THROW ME A BONE PLEASE.#IM TIRED OF SURVIVING I WANT TO THRIVE#IVE BEEN SURVIVING MY WHOLE LIFE IM JUST EXHAUSTED I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID FOR ONCE PLEASE#Sorry for venting im trying to hold back a breakdown and i have to leave for work in an hour and i just need to shout into the void about it#even applying for like medical based jobs hasnt worked out. you wont even let me be a RECEPTIONIST?#i feel trapped at my current job. even my coworkers have been telling me that ive had my position for wayyyy too long and im gonna be stuck#like tell me something i dont know!!!!!!!!!! tell me how to get a better job!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im struggling in every aspect of my life!!!!!!#whoever cursed me its working i hope youre happy. the haters love to see it
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I am on some bullshit right now, bruh
#just re-watched pocahontas for the first time in many many years and dawg#the character animation in that film is so gorgeous#like they went so hard on ACTING through the animation#im getting obsessed again like i was when i was little#like u gotta understand: the disney pocahontas character (a truly fictional character inspired by real events let's get that straight)#i was like in love with her. i wanted to be her like oh my god#and the way they animated john smith was such a departure from their other disney LI's up til then (as *i* recall)#so detailed!! the expressions!!! the fucking YEARNING!!!!!!#best love story out of all the disney flicks imho. as a Story it's so powerful#I'm gonna think about the symbolism of them having to part#after grandmother willow had told them 'only when the fighting stops can you be together'#implying that the fighting isn't over and probably never will be#fuxking painfuslfjk#i know i know: c'est ~~problématique~~#but look. I'm from a racially diverse family okay?#my dad's side especially. nobody over there stuck to their own race/ethnic group#my parents are a mixed couple. i know how hard it is to make that work.#most interracial couples I'd seen on tv until that point were very...chaste?#mostly played for laughs (oh haha the cultural dissonance is so cute and funny!) or worse: to play up racial sterotypes#but to see one depicted as a straight-forward romance- as two people deeply in love and not played for a gag? AND as the core of the story?#mannnn that means a lot to me even all these years later#so yeah im deep in the 'hunting down feel-good fix-it fics' phase wish me luck
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its kind of funny to me that in the comics supergirl kind of occupies the spot for like the edgy superman. which is kind of weird for her typical role as kid sidekick to superman because her thing as a character (at least the versions of her character that i like) is that she doesn't have a reason to help anybody and doesn't like earth. edgy superman. but she's also the kid sidekick. strange juxtaposition
#it obviously depends on which comic you're reading#cause like there are completely different versions of supergirl depending on which version we're talking about#there's like 3 different supergirls with 5 different backstories#there's the one where she's a kind of slime goop that mimics the form of a girl--that was matrix#that was the version from the 80s that continued into the 90s--the weird run that had like angels and demons and stuff#god that one was weird#then there was the main one which is kara zor el but she has like 3 different backstories on her own#there's the argo city one which is truly horrible where like she watches thousands of people die in front of her#that one was most recently used in the supergirl woman of tomorrow comic written by the vile tom king at least as far as i'm aware#then there was the pod version (the more popular one) which has two variations on its own#variation one was that she's actually older than superman but got stuck in suspended animation for like 25 years#and variation two where she's just younger than him and i don't know how that works#of course the argo backstory is also the pod backstory they're not incompatible#it does beg the question of which you think is more tragic:#waking up one day to find out everyone you ever knew is dead and gone or watching them all die slowly in front of you#anyway the third super girl is power girl who is super girl except older so she's power girl because they didn't do a 2 spider man thing#this is easy to follow right#oh right and apparently they made a completely new backstory for her in my adventures with superman though i never watched that#because i still have to finish the supergirl cw show which is ANOTHER version of her character where she's 24 instead of a teenager#which sounds like a small thing but it literally turns her into a completely different character#i mean like powergirl is a completely different character isnt she#what was i talking about? right i kind of liked new 52 supergirl at least the first few issues#i really liked the disorientation of “where am i who are these people where's my family” she goes through#shame it kind of sucked#i'm probably not going to finish the CW show by the way. i'll probably give up halfway through season 3 if we're being optimistic
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hate when a character I thoroughly enjoy is stuck in the most mediocre of manhwas
#Dabin from No Scope </3#I dropped No Scope years ago and only revisit the chapters where she's prominent#I guess this could also apply to the kpop girlie from 100+ leveling stick#Dowha from Operation True Love (although I do like Suae but she's stuck with Eunhyeok now and I'm BORED)#Zoe from Lookism#omg like half the cast of Eleceed tbh idk why the story is obsessed with introducing mid new characters YOU HAVE GANGSEOK#the two dumbasses from Jungle Juice you know who you are#girlie in yellow from Viral Hit#webtoon
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For @spacegirlsgang
Part 2 of What happens in Vegas follows you back to Toronto
Rating: M
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko
Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Trans Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Parenthood, or lack thereof. no J/N babies here, Humor, Fluff and Angst, Family Drama, Cottage Country, Nurse Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Ensemble Cast
Summary:
Andy and Quỳnh, adventurous as always and the designated group event-planners, had rented an AirBnB somewhere in Georgian Bay. Joe and Nicky were promised a fire pit, a private bedroom, a beach, and plenty of hiking trails. Joe and Nile were frankly too excited about the hiking trails, and while Nicky loved to see them happy, he was really looking forward to sitting by the fire and finally finishing the stack of books he’d been neglecting all summer. So, yes, the fact that Booker was bringing his kids to the cottage set Nicky just a little bit on-edge. He liked kids. He liked his nephews specifically. But there was a feeling stirring in his stomach that he could not void. Or name, apparently. Or: Old anxieties surface when everyone comes together for a vacation in cottage country. A 'stuck on you' sequel.
#sage writes#the old guard#the old guard fic#heyy here's a little stuck on you sequel after... (checks calendar) almost two years exactly#i hope you like it mary <3 and of course no pressure btw asdfghfds#your love for the first fic and all your support and positivity just really made me want to write a sequel#there's a tonal shift and some angst but it goes back up afterwards#'stuck on you' is my most popular fic to date which is interesting dfghfd but i'm so touched that people liked it!!#it was my very first getting-together fic i think. so i was wading in unknown waters#also apologies for all the trans fics lately i'm on a gender high
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wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#tw vent#(in the following tags)#i am immeasurably stressed right now#i need to talk to my doctor about getting a booster to go along w/my adhd meds#bc this has been a problem for a while but i think it's about to come to a head#and i'm very scared for when that happens#maybe also talk to my school's disability services#bc Good Fucking God i'm already overwhelmed#it's 11:56. should i just go to bed? i have so many things left to do#when do i even have the time to go to disability services. and i've heard a lot of schools' processes w/that are slow and overcomplicated#fuck. fuck fuck fuckity fuck.#i think i'm spiraling#i'm worried that if i don't get a degree i won't be able to find a nice enough job to support myself independent of my family#and i don't want to be stuck with them forever#i really really don't#maybe i can talk to disability services sometime tomorrow morning. see what they can do#i think there's mental health services too. i hope they're decent#i just feel really bad right now. and it's only week one.#it feels like time's moving too fast but too slow at the same time#classes take forever but my free time zips by and runs out way too quick#and when it's gone i've completed maybe one or two things. out of several. if any at all.#i just don't know what to do. it's only been three days.#maybe i can drop a class; i think i'm taking enough to still be considered a full-time student with one less thing on my plate#i hope so#fucking damn it#how do people do this??? for multiple years????#and i feel selfish for saying this but i hope if y'all see this post you'll interact with it somehow. even just a like.#i want to know someone hears me
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if everyone keeps going 'why arent they more gay?' about class of '07 i'm going to explode.
the show is set in 2017, the year that marriage equality was publicly debated and then eventually voted in it and it was a ROUGH year.
also, they went to CATHOLIC SCHOOL!!! I might just be speaking for myself here, but I wouldnt be getting into a relationship with any of the girls I went to school with if i was stuck on the campus with them, like a non zero amount of the student leadership were young libs (australian conservative party's youth branch).
#class of 07#class of '07#like i get what you all want#i also would like more queerness on aussie tv#but this is one of those things that is just accurate to the australian catholic school experiance#my hs friend group was pretty queer but the only two got together after school and one of them was a trans guy & both left before year 12#this is so much a series about dealing with the shit that messed you up in school because you are stuck there#like saskia becomes a queen bee bitch BECAUSE she's there in that space#if they were in a hotel on a hill or something it wouldnt be the same#but also Tegan is queer she's just not in a romantic relationship with Megan#also Teresa and Sandy are gonna have a baby in the next season im sure so there's potential there imo#also i havent watched the wilds or yellowjackets or whatever so i'm looking at this from the pov of australian who like australian tv#anyway these are just my opinions
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