#like I'm not saying he was wrong to feel that way but it could definitely create a rift between george girls and the rest of the fandom

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 9)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Warning: strong language

Wordcount: 5.820

Author's note: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writting it. Give me your thoughts. I love you all <3

P.S : I'm sorry for any mistakes

After Jungkook left Y/n found herself having an anxiety attack. What the hell did she just do? She was so mad and frustrated with her feelings and having Jungkook so close to her, so defenseless made her fold in so many ways. She made a mistake and now she couldn’t look at Jungkook like before. Not when he knows almost everything.  

She never thought that love would be this complicated. If only she knew this before, she would’ve never gotten so close to him. How dumb of her. Now mistakes were made and things were said... Oh how she wished to take them all back. She doesn’t know how much time she spent there alone until she saw Lisa run towards her with a very worried face. 

“Are you okay? I called you so many times, why didn’t you answer? I was worried sick!” she kneeled in front of her, checking if she had injuries. It was then when Y/n remembered Jungkook’s words 

I only found out that you were back because I saw your friend here yesterday 

All of a sudden Y/n gets up startling Lisa a little bit and goes a little far, breathing heavily. She turned to face her again and Lisa saw disappointment in her eyes.  

“You talked to Jungkook yesterday?” Lisa’s face went blank.

“I can explain” she tried approaching her friend but was dismissed. “Y/n I was trying to help somehow and ---” 

“So you told him I was back and that he should come here to talk?! Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” Y/n’s tears threatened to leave. Again “He did come here to talk. Out of nowhere, on my first day back to work Lisa! It went awful. We fought – I told him I was in love with him and it all went downhill afterwards. I love you and I’m so thankful for your support during these days but this was any of your concern and you shouldn't have gotten involved in this. How did you know who he was anyway?”  

“When I walked in, the coffee shop was very calm so I went to make my order and ended up making small talk with Sana. That’s when I noticed him sat down with his coffee in front of him looking outside the window. I asked her if he was Jungkook. He must’ve felt the looks on him because when he saw me, he got up so quick he almost fell. He was very straightforward, I was actually impressed. He asked me about you, if you were back in town, that he saw some pictures of us on our trip and invited me to sit with him so we could talk a bit... I know I shouldn’t have gotten involved, but he looked so heartbroken Y/n, you should’ve seen his face. If I had told you he was gonna see you you’d have run like you always do, because you’re never ready to face your problems” Y/n stayed quiet. Even tho she didn’t appreciate Lisa’s attitude, she had to agree with her partially. She didn’t say anything else, preparing herself to finally close the shop and heading home with Lisa. 

The drive home was very quiet and the tension was palpable. Lisa would give her some looks here and there, which Y/n decided to ignore, focusing on the view outside. It had started to rain and the radio was playing "You Broke Me First" by Tate Mcrae. Fate was definitely giving her reasons to cry even more. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't notice them entering the garage at home. As soon as she felt the car pull into the parking lot, she quickly got out of the car and started heading towards the elevator that would take them to their floor. A few seconds later she felt Lisa beside her. 

“I am really sorry Y/n. I just wanted to help smooth things over so you could understand each other once and for all. You both have a lot to talk about. There are many points that need to be clarified and neither you or him should jump to conclusions. I would never lie to you so when I say he was desperate to know something about you he really was Y/n, otherwise the first question in his head wouldn't be if you were okay and why were you mad at him.”  

Y/n looked at Lisa while wipping her tears. “What did you guys talk about?” Lisa gave half a smile 

“He was super nervous. Honestly, he didn't know where to start, his hands were shaking, you know? From the looks of it, it was clear that these were difficult days for him too. Then he thanked me for sitting with him and asked how you were, that you weren't responding to his texts and didn't understand your attitude. He told me about when you two met and that you were very close from then on, which is why he was so worried for not hearing anything from you in so many days. Then he confessed that he realized your distance from the moment he started dating Sewoon and asked me if I knew her too. He said he was sorry he didn't bring it up sooner and that he should have talked to you first and been more honest. In the end I mentioned that you would go back to work today, in case he wanted to talk to you, but I never thought it would go so wrong Y/n. What happened?” 

When they entered the house, they took off their shoes and put them away. Y/n went to the fridge and poured some orange juice for both of them. The fireplace was already lit, creating the perfect moment to drown the sorrows. It was so cozy and so warm. So homely. It was what she needed for the shitty weather and her mood. Y/n put her feet up on the couch and motioned for Lisa to sit next to her. 

“I wasn’t expecting him at all as you can imagine, so it was shoking for me when I heard his angelic voice. I froze. It took me a while to realize that this was going to happen and that there was no way to escape it. I don't know why he says I never said anything to him. After we arrived, I sent him a text, which he never responded to. Hence my surprise was even bigger when I saw him standing there, so I said the first thing it occurred to me. I told him we were closed. *facepalm.* He was so angry, but I can't understand why. I was too nervous to think about it anyway. You know I avoid this kind of confrontation when I feel cornered and he pressed and kept pressing even more when I started dodging his questions.”  

Y/n stops so she could five another sip on her drink. Honestly she wanted this to be a very strong shot, but after the last drinking binge, she promised herself that she wouldn't drink again in the near future.

“It was in that exchange of words that I couldn't contain myself any longer and confessed everything. I confessed that I was in love with him, that I knew he and Sewoon were still seeing each other and that I wanted some time to get my ideas together, organize my head. I tried to stay physically distant from him as much as possible, but he kept getting closer and closer to me. I swear to you Lisa, the only reason  I didn't kiss him was out of respect for Sewoon, even if she didn't have the same respect for me. I couldn't, so I sent him away. He looked so defeated, but I was so embarrassed about everything. I know I shouldn't have kicked him out of there like that. It's not his fault, I know, he didn't know but still... Every time I look at him I see a shadow of Sewoon and it breaks my heart every time.” Lisa facepalmed herself. 

“You're both being idiots. Want to know my honest opinion? I think that all this time you were interested in each other and neither of you had the courage to make the first move. Then Sewoon came along and destroyed everything else. She can manipulate things very well. I know this firsthand. Jungkook told me that besides coming here he also went to your house a lot. Did you know that?" Y/n made a shocked face 

 "How, if I never told him where I lived?"  

“He forced Sewoon to show him. He told me in passing that he had some strong arguments with her after you left and those were NOT couple arguments, but trivial arguments. She was always super calm. It made him feel weird how could she be so calm while her best friend was missing out of the blue... what are you gonna do next?” 

Y/n thought for a while. “Something I should’ve done a long time ago.”  

The next day and after a very bad night's sleep, Y/n woke up and got ready for another (long) day of work. After yesterday's episode she doubted very much that he would show up there. Yesterday she almost sent him a message apologizing, but she deleted it. She couldn', it was for her own good. Instead she texted Sewoon to meet up with her on her work break, but got no response from her, however Y/n was already expecting it.

The day went by normally, lots of movement and little rest. When there were only 5 minutes left for her break, she heard someone calling her name. Sewoon stood in front of her with her hair perfectly styled, designer clothes and sunglasses hanging from her red knitted sweater. Time really didn't pass for her. She was always so youthful, so free from worries. Y/n looked at her colleague and hinted that she was going to take a break, to which Sana nodded and headed outside with Sewoon. They were silent for a while and when Y/n realized she wasn't going to say anything she decided to make the first move 

“How are you?” Sewoon made a disdainful face 

“Cut the bullshit Y/n. There’s no need to pretend anymore, you and I know that very well, don’t we? Say what you have to say and stop wasting my time. Unlike you, I do have a fulfilled life.” Y/n felt bad about the way she was talking to her. So this is what Lisa was talking about? this unknown side of her. Yeah, because despite everything Sewoon had never spoken to her like that but, then again, Y/n was never against her game either. What an unpleasant surprise. How had she never noticed this side of her? It just proves how blind she is.  

Idiot 

“Why? Why are you acting like this? I never did anything wrong to you for you to punish me like this. On the contrary Sewoon, I've always been there for you! Is this because of Jungkook?”  

“It's for everything Y/n. Why didn't you continue in your hidden place? God, I waited every day for the news that something had happened to you so you could finally leave my life once and for all. But life is thankless. Besides you being here in front of me right now, you made me waste time with Jungkook looking for you, while you were having fun with MY ex. You’re a bitch. Of all people you had to be with him and I’ll never forgive you for that.” 

“You must be crazy. It wasn't planned! what the fuck Sewoon. It was by chance, but let me tell you that I'm glad it happened because I discovered a lot of things about your relationship! Things that aren't the way you said they were, and we've always been friends. My mistake was giving in to all your whims and distance myself from him because YOU wanted me to. Now I know it was all just your insecurity, wasn't it? Since we are confessing things, admit it! I know he had a crush on me in school and I also know you kept something it belonged to me this whole time, or you forgot about the letter he asked you to deliver?”  

After saying such words, Sewoon turned white as snow. If that's how she wanted it, that's how she would get it. “And about Jungkook, once again I was the one who met him first, way before you --” 

“Ohh please Y/n. Yes I admit I kept it all to myself because I liked him and I hated the fact that he was crushing on you, out of everyone. But you know me, one way or another, if I want something I get it and the proof of that is Jungkook.”  Every time she spoke of him, Y/n felt a sharp pang in her heart and she was terrified of what was coming next. 

 “He fell so easily into my hands and it was so nice to see your face every time you saw us together. I loved every second of your despair. You met him first, yes it's true, but after that I was first in everything. Not you. The way he touches, the way he kisses. How he fucks. I know it all, and you? Do you know what this is? No, because you're nothing more than a pathetic virgin. You'll never get past that. The game with Jungkook is not over, my love. This is just the beginning. You'll see him choose me every time, even if it's just for a quick fuck. It wouldn't be the first time or you really think that this didn't happen while we were apart? My dear, you have a long way to go before you reach me. Face it, you're not enough. Never were, never will be. You took Tae away from me so it's only fair I take Jungkook away from you.” 

After these words, Sewoon took grabbed her sunglasses and put them on her face and walked away from Y/n, not without winking at her and blew her a kiss. Y/n was terrified, completely out of place and empty. Sewoon was right, she didn't know what it was. She had won. Although at first she felt victorious with the way she was confronting her former best friend, that quickly fell apart. Now she was defeated, trying her best to hold back her tears until she left work. And with that mask, she went into the second part of his shift. 

Of course it didn't last long. An hour after the fight, a couple came in and made their order. Y/n couldn't help but look at them and think about Jungkook, about Sewoon and everything she reported they did. Them on dates, them in bed. It was the breaking point for Y/n. She told Sana she was going to the bathroom and broke down there. She lost count of the time she was closed there until Sana went to check on her and found her in a deplorable state. She had seen Sewoon come in so she knew the outcome of the conversation wasn't going to be the best. She hugged her tightly and told her to go home that she would take care of it, since the new intern who had recently joined the team was also there and he was actually quite experienced. Y/n thanked her, went to change her uniform and left.  

She was originally going to call Lisa but decided not to bother her. She was also at work and didn't want to cause any more inconvenience, so she decided to take a walk. A long one. During it she managed to calm down little by little. She sat for a while in a garden full of happy parents and children playing. She remembered her parents and how much she missed them. In these low moments, she just wanted to go back to being a child, however she remembered that even then, life wasn’t easy for her. 

It then started to get cold so she continued her walk. Without knowing how or why, she found herself in front of the tattoo shop where Jungkook worked. How the hell did she end up there? It was definitely her subconscious playing tricks on her. With that she just prayed that he wouldn't show up, but guess what? as soon as she had finished having this thought, she heard the main door open and three people came out: Jungkook, a slightly older man and a boy about her age with a film on his arm. With that, she just prayed that he wouldn't show up, but guess what, as soon as she finished thinking about it, she heard the main door open and three people coming out: Jungkook, a slightly older man and a boy about her age with a red arm and something transparent protecting the area. Must have finished a session for sure. Hidden, she watched the scene in front of her. Jungkook was calm and talking to the other two guys when suddenly he took out a pack of cigarettes. What? since when did he star smoking? 

Every time Y/n saw him he became even more attractive. She knew just as he caught her attention, he also caught many other girls' attention (and boys too, I bet). And it was something that never crossed her mind before. The amount of girls that must be waiting for him to give them a chance and for a moment she felt small, followed by an ironic laugh. It didn't matter anymore, she mentioned it was over and she was going to do everything to move on. She deserved to be happy.

Y/n hoped they would quickly enter the establishment, as it was getting very cold and she still had a 15 minute's walk home.  Looking back at the entrance, she now sees a fourth person in the group, a very pretty girl, redhead with wavy hair. She was wearing black shorts and a white top which highlighted her tanned skin. Looking at her from top to bottom, you could see her right arm covered in tattoos and a few more spread across her other arm and left leg. She seemed to be familiar to Jungkook, because as soon as he saw her they gave her a tight hug and she even took his cigarette to smoke it. The intimacy must have been very strong because he didn't make any uncomfortable face. Y/n wished she was that badass. After everyone smoked their cigarettes, they went back inside. She waited a few more minutes so she could continue on her way without being seen. And there she went, cold, hungry and jealous.  

It had only been a couple of hours since she had last spoken to him and while her world was upside down, his seemed whole, as if having "losing" a friend made no difference. You could see the traffic more now with rush hour. It was getting dark and people were heading home. Before going home aswell Y/n decided to take a detour to her favorite place to take dinner home. Lisa had said she would be late today, so it was up to her. 

Meanwhile the street had quieted down a little, but it was only for a short while because the noise of a motorcycle started to become noticeable, yet she ignored it until she started to hear constant beeping. Starting to get scared, she decided to ignore it for her own good, but the beeping started to get even more constant and faster until it seemed like someone had said her name. She stopped and saw the motorcycle slow down only to be surprised by Jungkook. Just when she wanted to run from him, was when she would see him the most. Did she ever mention she hated her luck? 

He motioned her to move forward so he could park the bike safely. Slowly she walked towards him, because the path she wanted to follow was that one, so it was difficult to go around it. He took off his helmet and watched her walk towards him. My god, could he not look away? how shameless. She gave him a nod, grabbing at the same time the coat she was wearing to hide the nervousness she was feeling. She wasn't going to stop but when she got closer he spoke. 

“Please don’t pretend I’m not here. I stopped to greet you, the one thing I’m expecting you to do is for you to greet me back” - son of a bitch, Y/n thought.  

“Hi Jungkook, good to see you. Okay bye then” Y/n was already leaving when Jungkook grabbed her arm. Gosh, this was becoming a habit. 

“Please don’t do that. Don’t pretend that we’re strangers over something so stupid. Don’t do that to me Y/n. Besides, don’t you know how dangerous it is to walk all by yourself? For a smart girl you’re pretty reckless” Y/n released her arm from his grip. 

“Last time I checked I’m an adult fully aware of the dangers and consequences of her actions. Thank you but I don't need another father I already have one." She was mad over his “something stupid” line. What the fuck. Were her feelings so pathethic? Jungkook stirred.  

Discomfort? Check. 

“I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you walking around by yourself, it's dangerous. As much as it costs you to believe, I care about you. You never had any reason to complain about that Y/n, I don't know the reason behind all this arrogance right now.” She wanted to say that he was wrong, but she couldn’t. Despite the fact that when he was with Sewoon he wouldn’t care for her at all (or so she thought), somehow he was right, she was letting her emotions get the best of her. Jungkook never failed her when she needed him the most and every time she needed to talk, he was the first one to open space for it. She was being unfair. 

“You're right. I'm sorry for what I said, I guess. Not that it's an excuse, but today was a difficult day. Thank you for your concern, even tho I'm already used to it. Don't forget that I work in a store that closes at 11 p.m and when I'm at that shift there is no type of ride home other than my two legs and little feet.  I'll be fine, don't be late because of me. Thank you once again" She started to move forward but he stopped her from taking any further steps. Again

“Let me give you a ride” She looked at him. 

"No need, I still have to take a detour, it will only get in your way. It’s healthy to walk, you can--”  

“Stop being so stubborn Y/n. I wanna give you a ride, didn’t you catch that yet? And what were you doing near my shop Y/n? I saw you passing by it when I came outside. Are you okay?”   

“What do you mean you saw me? you guys had just walked in, I checked !” Shit she just lost her disguise  

“I had to step outside again and saw you around the corner. I warned my friends I had to leave, hoping I could still catch you. Thank God I did. ” You tried your best not to talk about the girl who was with him and how comfortable they looked. Not that it was your business anyway, you had nothing to do with it and it came from you the decision to put a distance in your friendship. You were trying, you swear you were, you wanted to keep that distance, but for some reason fate kept pushing you towards each other's path. 

“I don’t know why, you seemed very busy back there.” She said it without realizing it and when she replayed the words that came out of her mouth, she wanted to punch herself.  Isn't there a day when things don't go the way she wants?  

Jungkook understood the double meaning of what she said, referring to the girl who was with him. He already knew she had seen them as soon as he went outside to smoke a second cigarette since the first one was "stolen" by Athena, his brother's girlfriend. They got along really well and she had just started working at the store. 

"I finished my sessions a long time ago. I was just waiting for Athena to give her something. She’s my brother’s girlfriend and she started working there a couple weeks ago. When I saw you, I found it strange because you never take this route and I wanted to make sure you were okay or if you wanted to talk to me now that your calmer. Now that I'm here, you have no excuse to walk home. Even if you need to go somewhere I'll take you, it doesn't bother me at all" 

For some reason Y/n's face became more relieved and although she tried to hide it, even Jungkook himself noticed it. When she said nothing more, he handed her the spare helmet. Initially he was going to help her put it on, but she took it off his hand and put it on herself. Y/n knew there was no point in insisting with him. After being friends for so long, something she knew too well was how stubborn and insistent Jungkook was, so she put on her helmet while Jungkook settled himself on his Harley waiting for her to get on. Then she started to get nervous, where should she hold on? 

Jungkook noticed her expression, so when she sat on the motorcycle, he grabbed her one of her arms and put it around his waist, pulling her closer to him. Y/n wasn't expecting that gesture so when she tried to move away a little, she heard Jungkook say "no", pulling her close to him again. Y/n's breathing was uneven, yet she tried to hide it, putting her other arm around him casually. She swears she saw Jungkook smile in the rearview mirror. When she thought she was back to normal, Jungkook turned his head back and she almost passed out. He was so breathtaking.

"Where to?" Y/n looked at him and said the name of her favorite restaurant and they started their way over there. Every now and then she would try to move away a bit, but when he noticed her presence further away, by "coincidence" he would brake, making her hit his back with her chest. The trip was based on his unexpected braking and her complaints about it. Anyone who saw them like this would think they were a couple in love. If only, she thought. 

If only 

La dolce Perla it was the name of the restaurant. Y/n discovered this place while walking with her mother one day when she came to visit her at her work place and since then she started going there, especially on her worst days. Shortly after she discovered the place, she met the owner and they became close. Jeff was a gentleman in his 50s, super friendly and approachable. He was her go to when needed comfort. Despite living there Jungkook had never heard of that place, but he really liked the aesthetics. Entering, they immediately came face to face with Jeff. 

“Y/n, my dear. How are you doing? Long time no see. We were already missing having you around." 

“Ohh stop it Jeff” she laughed. “I missed you too --.” she was suddenly interrupted Jeff - “Wait... Is he your boyfriend? Gosh Y/n, I’m happy it worked well for you in the end --” Y/n turned white and interrupted Jeff back  

“No no no. Not my boyfriend at all. He’s a – hmm- friend, yeah. Actually I came here to ask if you had any food left so I could take home. I didn’t eat much today and I was really craving your amazing food so --” 

“You could have said that already. Even if I didn’t have anything I’d have it prepared just for you. But since you and your friend are here, why don't you eat here? Today is a quiet day, we have free tables. Kara will direct you to the main room.” She understood Jeff's scheme and refused the offer until she heard Jungkook's voice.  

“This place is amazing and the food looks wonderful. You’re not gonna take this opportunity away from me, right? Next time I might not be so lucky and it will be your fault" And that was how Kara got them a table overlooking the fantastic outdoor garden. They were also at a more secluded table, with a little more privacy and without many eyes on them and perhaps that's why all she wanted to do was run away.  

Y/n made her request and Jungkook did the same. Kara went to deliver their order and came back with a bottle of red wine and set it on the table, winking at her. The atmosphere of the restaurant was wonderful but the tension between them was enormous. She knew she should have insisted more on him not accompany her, even if it meant running away from him, but he would think she was childish. Jungkook took the bottle and poured both glasses and drank a little, without taking his eyes off her. 

“ So... with all this you ended up not answering my question." Y/n looked at him confused. "Are you okay? I thought you were closing this week. When I saw you near my tattoo shop I thought it was a mirage, but then I realized it wasn't. You know I'm here if you need to talk. Or anything else.”  

It was then that she remembered Sewoon and her words, then she looked at the scene between her and Jungkook. Would this be a normal date with him? everything Sewoon experienced with him. She shook her head, trying to forget that thought. Fortunately the food arrived. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I changed schedules with Sana today, I needed to take care of some matters and... yeah, that's it.” she said, tasting her meal. Jungkook followed her actions before adding: 

“I think you forget that I know you very well and I know when you are lying. Are you gonna run away again? Because let me know if you do Y/n. I was devastated by the fact that you left and didn’t tell me anything. An “I’m okay” would be enough. We’d talk whenever you were ready. I know you have some things to say and honestly so do I. I’ll wait, just don’t push me away. I miss you.” 

Without any warning, her eyes began to form tears. It was a good thing that both of their plates were almost empty, because she couldn't take it anymore. She whispered "sorry, I can't" to Jungkook, got up and went to the exit. It was too much and she wasn't ready. It was all very recent. She would talk to Jeff later and pay for the meal another day. At that moment she just wanted to get out of there. It was for a short time because Jungkook was by her side after a few minutes.

"Stop acting like this Y/n. Stop running away and face things as they are. Face me!" He was so frustrated right now 

“What do you want from me Jungkook? Hm? I already told you everything. I’m in love with you. I fell in love with you and I’m so fucking mad about it. It could be everyone but you. That’s what you want to hear?” Jungkook felt a sharp pain in his heart. Was it so awful to like him? Y/n was frustrated but kept going 

“I'm not the type to fall in love. I always ran away from that. I never had a boyfriend, I never pressured myself to give in to boys at school and I never liked going out at night.  That’s Sewoon not me. I’m shy. I like to be in my corner. Maybe that’s the reason Sewoon approached me. I was so insecure and quiet that I wasn't even good at defending myself and that's what she did and we've been friends ever since, or so I thought at least. Then I met you Jungkook and--” The tears she was holding were now falling. “and you changed that. Don’t ask me how or why. I was so messy on the day we met and you still talked to me so nice. Never thought I’d see you again but the next day came and you were there and after that too and we created such a nice bond. I didn't want to ruin what we had, because for me it was rare and I knew it was impossible for you to reciprocate my feelings. Just look at you and look at me. You are the kind of person everyone wants while I am the kind of person no one notices.” Y/n was crying for real now and Jungkook tried approaching her but she stepped back.

It was time

“That’s where you’re wrong Y/n. I noticed you ever since the first day-. Why do you think I kept going back? I have a coffee shop across my work place Y/n- I- don’t you think it’d be easier for me to go there than to take a motorcycle trip to go to yours?” he tried approaching her once again. She let him this time. They were inches away from each other at this point when she looked at him with such an intense gaze Jungkook felt shivers down his spine.  

“I was going to tell you, you know. That I liked you. I think it was fate, because it was on that same day that you asked me to introduce you to Sewoon and I already knew how the situation would unfold. Sewoon is beautiful. You are perfect and it was just a matter of time for you to find your way into each other's embrace.” Jungkook felt like a huge son of a bitch with what he was hearing. Fuck, this wasn't how he wanted it to be. “I wanna go home Jungkook. This is too much for me to handle and I need to slow down before I reach the point of breaking. I don't want to break in front of you. Not you, not right now"

Jungkook nodded and kissed her forehead respecting her request. He could do that, he could wait. In fact he was going to wait. He let this situation drag for far too long and had to put an end in it. There were so many lapses in this that even himself was confused and there was only one person he could talk to other than you.

He grabbed Y/n's helmet and put it on her head, doing the same with his own. The rest of the trip was silent, but there was no tension anymore, more like a sense of relief. The only time she spoke was to tell him where she was living now. He parked in front of the house and helped her take off her helmet, grabbing her hand, stroking it. Y/n exchanged glances between his eyes and their hands. Once again she wanted to kiss him so badly and one more time Sewoon's words replayed in her head so all she did was give him a tight hug. Not for him, but for her, she was in need of that comfort. As she was in his arms she could smell his perfume. Oh - she remembers this smell. He's using the perfume she gave him on his birthday. Her heart was so warm from this.

Everyone talks about how little things are important. Those people were right.

Before Y/n walked away, she gave him a small kiss on the cheek. She then felt his hands on the sides of her waist. For a split second she thought he was going to kiss her and got a little anxious. She doesn't know if he noticed because after she heard Jungkook say "I'm waiting for you". Y/n nodded and stepped back, making her way to the front door. When she saw he was still there she waved and went in. Her heart was racing. What was that? Butterflies in the stomach? More like the whole zoo in it. Pieces by pieces the truth would come out, but would you and Jungkook find a way for each other's life again?

More important, would you be able to leave your insecurities behind and give in to the feeling you have been avoiding for so long? You hope so because you'd do anything to have Jungkook by your side. You can't have been the only one who felt the sexual after he drop you off. The atmosphere between you both was different and it had nothing to do with friendship.

You were sure of that

Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @jk97bam @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv @imagine-this-motherfucker @jk-190811 @cryingoverpixelsetc @11thenightwemet11 @rinkud @ayatie97 @jk-190811 @shaku1995 @blueberriesm @darkangelfei

[paperyowl]

This is a weird ask. Feel free to ignore it.

But post breakup Buck staring at Rockon thinking Tommy has a date with this hot silver daddy (he ain't blind) and confronted them cos he's jealous to find out he was wrong. They bought him home for either a threesome (cos David never had one) or maybe just cuddles cos looks at the sad puppy and doting on Buck.

(what buck doesn't know is that Donovan is Tommy's cousin with a hilarious sense of humor who texted him the very next day to collect his man cos he ain't sharing his daddy with his cousin's ex no matter how pretty he is)

It's not weird at all. I love the idea! And I have two vastly different thoughts for this - lets go with this one for now. (I might have changed it a little bit - but I definitely need that threesome happening sometime still.)

+++

Pick up, idiot.

Calling me names doesn't make me want to talk to you more.

Tommy dropped his phone somewhere on the couch, not really bothering to check where it fell. He was not in the mood for his cousin's antics. His week had been so busy that Tommy was aching in more places than he knew he could. Maybe was is getting too old for this job.

Or perhaps he'd been slacking. Not eating well, not sleeping enough. These days, Tommy is usually good at taking care of himself. A hard-learnt habit, but he'd put in the work.

Not that it mattered now when his mind kept circling back to the rather sweet sentiment of someone saying, 'You don't have to do everything by yourself' and 'I'll take care of you'.

It was a certain someone with those impossibly warm baby blues that Tommy was trying very hard not to think about. (And failing miserably.) He deserved this. After all, he'd been the one to implode what they had.

His phone kept buzzing. After the third or fourth time - which frankly was ridiculous Don, what the fuck, get a life - Tommy hunted it down in the cushions and unlocked it.

Only to almost drop it when he saw the last message was a photo of -

"Hi, cuz," Donovan drawled, sounding deeply satisfied with himself. But Tommy wasn't focused on that at all.

"How do you have a photo of Evan? Is he there with you? Why is he with you?"

"Okay, first of all, ouch, I think I'm insulted-"

"Donovan."

Tommy heard his own voice rise and wondered since his fuse had become this short. Then he remembered that Donovan had always had this way of riling him up. That's why they hadn't talked in months. They'd been fighting about something; Tommy couldn't really remember what it had been about.

"Figured that pic would get you to call me," Donovan said. "No 'Hello, my favourite cousin, how are you doing?' It's nice to hear you, too, you know."

"Don't be mean, Rocker," another voice said in the background, one that Tommy didn't know. Or actually, he might - he'd heard it once before, and now he could remember what the fight had been about. But his focus was somewhere else completely.

"Hi. How are you. It's been too long. I miss you - is Evan okay?"

Donovan laughed at the way only one of those sentences ended in a note high enough to count as a question. Tommy hissed his name again, and finally got a 'yeah, yeah, alright.' before the phone was handed off to -

"Hi," Evan said softly. He sounded like he'd been crying. His sniffeling was hard on Tommy. "Your cousin and his partner are nice."

Tommy couldn't help but scoff. "Maybe they're doppelgängers."

There is a momentary pause, and Tommy is almost certain that the rustling he hears is a bit of a grapple for the phone. But it's still Evan on the other end when the noise dies down.

"I wouldn't know about that," Evan said. "You never mentioned them."

Fuck.

"Evan-"

"So we're back to Evan?"

"Bu-"

"Don't," Evan pleaded. "Just. Don't."

"Want me to go and rough him up a little? I still remember where he lives."

Donovan's offer sounded weak, and Tommy could imagine the way he had probably put a hand on Evan's shoulder. Or his back.

Evan didn't exactly laugh, but it was similar enough. The sound still unravelled something in Tommy's chest.

"Can we talk in person?"

"I'd like that," Evan breathed. "Just maybe not tonight?"

"Of course. Do you want me to text-"

"I'll take over from here," Donovan said, and Tommy vaguely heard the muffled noise of the receiver being covered. He checked his watch, aware that whatever conversation happened on their end took less than a minute, but to Tommy, it felt like ages more.

"You free tomorrow? Wanna come over for lunch?" Donovan asked without any lead-up, startling Tommy a little. "I somehow think you have a bit more of a reason to say 'yes' this time."

Tommy huffed a laugh.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm free," he said. "Is he alright?"

"Are you going to stop being an idiot?"

"Don."

Donovan sighed. "Listen, I know it's not really my place, but I know you, and I can make an educated guess what happened here."

"I don't like you," Tommy groused.

And like the total bastard that he was, Donovan only laughed and responded, "But you love him."

Like that was a normal thing to say. Tommy spluttered.

"Just be here tomorrow at noon, I'll cook" Donovan completely ignored Tommy's rather childish comment, 'You can cook?' and just went on. "And I'll introduce you to Deacon."

"The ominous partner that you wouldn't tell me more about when I asked?"

That was a rather shortened version of the outright shouting match of a phone call that they'd had all those weeks ago. There had been a lot of implications about very different, and Donovan wouldn't even tell him the name of the man who had him all secretive.

It was easy to read between the lines, and perhaps Tommy had been protective in exactly the wrong way. But he'd never been able to help that when it came to Donovan. The only family member that Tommy cared about.

"He just filed for divorce," Donovan told him. Tommy hissed in sympathy, starting to apologize for the whole fight, but Donovan went on: "And you wouldn't believe the things he can do with his tong-"

"Shut up."

Donovan kept laughing at him, and Tommy felt too exhausted to do something about it. And perhaps a little relieved.  

"Noon, you said?"

He might have only imagined it, but Donovan softened a little after that. But he proved he was still an absolute asshole when he yelled out, 'Hey Evan, say goodnight to your daddy,' and like the absolute cheeky brat he was, Evan did just that. (Tommy almost choked on his own spit, but after hanging up, he felt like he could breathe properly for the first time in months.)

[lucysarah-c]

I'll just say, I may be here posting about Mounting Spring, asks etc... But I'm cooking... I'm cooking something everyone asked me for lol

“I like this! This 3D flower pattern is so on trend right now.”

Levi’s eyes were glued to the screen as a freshly painted nail was shown up close.

“Oh, hi! Thank you,” her voice popped up again, and like an animal in pure confusion, he tilted his head to the side.

What are those things popping up? He was completely lost.

“Isn’t it too late for coffee?” she read aloud before grabbing her cup and taking a sip from the straw. “There’s no such thing as too much black or too late for coffee. Plus, it’s girls’ night! What’s a girls’ night without iced coffee or a glass of wine?”

This feels wrong now, Levi thought, taking a sip of his own drink, lazily sprawled on his bed. But when she started showing off her pajamas, that’s when he lost it.

Holy shit... it’s the little shorts doing it for me.

“This is why kids these days have their eyes glued to this shit,” he muttered, almost offended— as if his own mouth wasn’t slightly open and his eyes weren’t stuck to the screen as she vibed to the song playing in the background.

“Have you ever tried… this one?” She winked at the camera, arm in the air, hips moving in a way that Levi quickly guessed was meant to simulate riding. Over the kitchen island.

…I’m definitely not better than a 12-year-old boy.

The chat flooded with messages about how much they loved the song.

Whose song is this?

“Oh! I love that! Ugh, my heart is divided, I want all of them to win! Birds of a Feather is so good, but Hot to Go?” she gushed, listing more names Levi didn’t recognize.

Who are those?

“And the dance?”

What trend? What song? What dance?

Levi felt lost. Completely lost.

“Oh, thank you for the donation! Here, a heart for you!”

She pressed two fingers together in the shape of a heart. Levi tilted his head again, frowning.

How the hell is that a heart?

But before he could keep questioning his entire existence—or, perhaps, his age—her expression shifted. The usual bright smile faded as she read something from the chat.

“Look, if you’ve got a problem with me, just keep scrolling, buddy. Can an admin ban him from the stream, please?”

That made Levi do the exact opposite. He scrolled up through the rapidly moving chat until he found the comment in question. Some idiot had said she owed it to him if something happened because of what she was wearing and doing on screen.

“What’s your fucking problem, dude?” Levi whispered, clicking his tongue. “If a woman has never even touched you, don’t say it so loudly.”

His fingers moved on their own, pressing the guy’s username, looking for a way to reply—until he suddenly let the phone drop onto his chest and stared at the ceiling.

“I need to calm down,” he muttered. Being in this live stream was already too much for him. Getting into an online argument was not the way to go.

How long had he been watching? He wasn’t sure. But in that time, he’d learned that ASMR meant tapping on objects with freshly done nails and whispering, that people voted on live which designs she should do next, and… a whole lot more.

“Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know. That’s me, espresso…”

She sang along to the music, and he felt hypnotized.

“…Did I just spend two hours of my life on this?”

The “Love ya!” came through the speakers as she blew a final kiss before ending the live.

“For fuck’s sake…” Levi muttered, almost offended. “You can’t be that stupidly cute.”

Maybe pop songs were popular for a reason. Maybe that’s why Levi never downloaded any apps on his phone or used it for anything beyond strictly necessary texts. Because explain to him why the hell he was humming at work.

“Since when do you know Sabrina Carpenter?”

Hange appeared out of nowhere, catching him off guard.

Levi had to come up with an excuse. Fast.

“What? Is it illegal for me to know new songs?”

“No…” Hange dragged the word out, squinting at him in suspicion. “But since when do you?”

“Give me a break. I’m not that old. I can get to know new artists,” he brushed it off while brewing himself a tea.

Hange let it slide, but their mind was already working, scheming. They kept talking, mostly about work. But as Levi finished his tea and was ready to leave, Hange casually dropped:

“Espresso?”

Levi frowned. “What?”

Hange repeated the question immediately, as if he hadn’t heard them the first time. But of course, he had.

“Fuck no. You know I hate coffee. Black tea,” he grumbled.

To his shock, Hange chuckled, shaking their head, biting their lip as they held back a knowing smile.

“Aww, Shortie… don’t give yourself away.”

“Huh?”

“Espresso. That’s the song you were humming.” Their grin widened. “I’m starting to think you’re not just listening to new artists—you’re watching new people.”

Levi stiffened.

And for the first time, he couldn’t hide the subtle embarrassed blush creeping up his face.

“Get off my ass,” he muttered, already walking away.

But Hange wasn’t done.

“And I think it might be Erwin’s cute little influencer friend!”

I won't say anything else, let the readers figure it out.

[potato-lord-but-not]

Followed you a long time ago for just how cool your art looks, finally decided to look into the podcast characters you like to draw! I just saw one ask asking if the character Oscar is POC, and I wonder are characters in those podcasts usually unclear in ethnicity, and the fandom can freely headcanon? Like I know if info is clearly very mentioned in the original work or there is official concept art then it would be easy, but I'm really scared if I headcanoned something that is completely different from implied canon info I didn't pick up/ info that showed up in an obscure interview. Do you have any advice in navigating information in podcast fandoms?

Usually with podcasts, you can go off of official art and or descriptions from the podcast. In the case of malevolent, hardly any characters, aside from the eldritch monsters that John likes to describe in detail, have a solid description of their looks. that’s why you get so many different variations of Noel and Oscar. Ofc there are context clues that can help you inform your design choices (or just context. like Oscar’s Scottish accent and the Butcher’s Irish accent. he may even have been described as being Irish but idk that’s besides the point, you can tell).

But even then you can play with it, like how I made Oscar mixed Scottish and Jamaican. And honestly! sometimes you can ignore it! like with Gordon from red valley, who I already had a design I liked before he was described as being pale and even implied to look white. but like I said ! you can have fun with it !

I also sometimes check voice actors, because in some instances you can’t tell someone’s ethnicity from their voice alone, and I’d hate to misinterpret their character because I couldn’t pick up on that. that’s more so a concern when the voice actor is POC tho. With malevolent tho it’s all done by Harlan, who is white, so I think headcanoning characters as different ethnicities is more important, and also way more fun.

Oh also! fandom wikis are a good place to double check. cus they’d definitely have something like that you may have missed- like something from an interview or the character’s full name, which can sometimes indicate their ethnicity ( like Parker Yang from malevolent, only shows up as a corpse in the show but important enough to Arthur that he’s still a fan favorite to make content about)

ghugh I’m rambling- I’d say the majority of the time you’re free to do whatever, just be open to change your design if descriptions come up later on (I’d say more importantly if they’re described to be POC, cus like with Gordon I think my design for him with more Afro centric features looks way cooler and feels more like him than anything I could come up with that would be more canon compliant). Also you can go off common fanon designs, but those are just mutually agreed upon and it’s not wrong to go against that. Like with the Magnus Archives there are no official designs and they let the people make whatever designs they please.

OKAY IG TLDR- do what you want, keep your ears open for character descriptions when listening, double check with character wikis or their voice actors, don’t be afraid to make more POC characters even of the cast is played by mostly white people because the more diverse cast the more fun and interesting your art will be.

[erysser]

THANOS [PLAYER 230] WITH AN ANOREXIC PARTNER

-> pairings : choi su bong [Thanos] x reader

-> a/n : thank you so much for the request @vennxu ! I'm not that knowledgeable about eating disorders so I hope I did this justice

-> | thanos - 🎤 |

Thanos is definitely oblivious at first

He chalks up your lack of eating and frequent runs to the bathroom to nerves.

You were all in a life or death situation, so it was only natural to not have an appetite or to have to relieve yourself a lot!

Yet, he started to get suspicious after the second game after Se-mi and Nam-gyu mentioned it to him

It was dinner time and Thanos noticed that you weren't eating a lot, giving more than half your portion to Min-su

"Hey, aren't you hungry, senorita? You keep giving your portions of food to Min-su! You need to eat more if we're going to win that money!" - 🎤

You smiled politely at him, saying thay you just weren't hungry after witnessing all that death

He just frowns, asking Min-su to give back the portion of food he had received from you.

He was practically watching you like a hawk as you ate, his eyes never leaving you until you finished your portion.

His grin was so wide when he saw your empty food box.

"See! There you are finishing all the food! The food's good right? With you on full energy, we'll 100% win the next game!" - 🎤

You sorta laugh awkwardly at him, unsure of what to say.

Thanos could sense something was wrong but he continued to smile as you reassured him that everything was fine.

Usually during lights out, you would head to the bathroom to purge out everything you had eaten for the day.

It was quiet, and empty. No one would've suspected anything.

So, as usual, you quickly slept out of bed, walking quietly towards the door to do your nightly ritual.

You barely even noticed the purple-haired man that watched and stalked you all the way to the toilet.

He noticed you had been doing that every single night.

He was a light sleeper and after vehemently deciding that he wanted to sleep next to you, he started to noticed your nightly bathroom runs.

He waited outside the bathroom for a while, but after maybe 10 minutes pass by and you hadn't emerged, he went in.

He opened the bathroom door slowly, creeping his way in, as he tried to find you. His eyes widen at the sound and smell.

Without thinking, he rushed forwards to the source of the smell and threw the stall door open to see you hunched over the toilet, vomiting.

He immediately rushes to you, questions of are you sick, are you okay, escaping his mouth as he holds your face looking at you. You don't answer him as you look away.

His eyebrows furrow as he notices your index finger that was vomit covered. Were you purposely trying to make yourself vomit?

It all clicked in his head.

He wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't used to comforting or even helping people so he just sat there with you on the bathroom floor, holding you as he whispered praises and compliments in your ear hoping to let your insecurities subside and let the truth prevail.

After that incident, he always tries to make you feel comfortable.

Having been in the music industry, he knows some popstars do what you do to stay skinny and he knew that they needed patience and time.

He wouldn't force you to eat but he'd definitely encourage you a lot!

He immediately tells off anyone who talks bad about your body and sings praises and compliments to you.

He also definitely moved from sleeping in the bed next to you to sleeping in your bed.

At night, he holds you tightly, so tightly that he knows you won't be able to go to the bathroom at night.

Even if you want to, he'll either go or force Se-mi awake to accompany you because "it's not safe to be here alone"

Either way, Thanos is definitely a bit clueless about what to do but he tries his best, and if he wins, he plans to segregate a bit of the prize money to get you some help.

[dollyxd]

Shivers in the precense of your aura...gojo x reader angst/comfort wher user is sprialling perchance.....or where reader has a nightmare....just any gojo x reader fic where reader gets comfort....i need it....

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　I'm here for you　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

Satoru Gojo x GN!Reader

Summary: You have a terrible nightmare, oh no! The nightmare felt so real you went to go seek Satoru Gojo's comfort.

Warnings: Angst to fluff, comfort at the end, very angsty, negative thoughts, overwhelmed reader, gender neutral reader, a bit ooc(?), established relationship, mentions of blood and death.

Authors Note: Haha, no need to shiver of my presence, I'm not scary! I'm glad to take this request, I decided ill merge the ideas together! Nightmare to spiraling to comfort! Ah, I apologize if I got the definition of spiraling wrong by the way. I kind of wrote this on what happens with me when I wake up from nightmares... Anyways enjoy! (My back hurts Sos)

It wasn't rare for you to stay at your boyfriend's house, hell it was almost every day you would stay over. You guys would have sleepovers often but today was just awful for you... some of your coworkers kept snickering at you, telling you to do so much stuff. You weren't even supposed to be doing those stuff for crying out loud! And then you spilled your drink on your favorite white shirt, then you hurt your ankle... today was just terrible for you.

So, once you got (To Gojo's) home, you were drained, mentally, emotionally, and all of the above. All you wanted to do was just lay down and sleep for eternity. You set your bag down, and take off your shoes, and just plopped down on the couch with an "oof."

You felt your eyes grow heavy, but before you could fall asleep you heard the door open and your boyfriends voice echo through the house. "I'm home!" Satoru sang song. You let out an exhausted sigh before saying "Hi, baby." You sat up on the couch to look at him.

He looked over at you, he almost immediately knew something was up, it's almost kind of scary on how much he knows when something is up. "Hey, what's wrong, sweets?" Satoru asked, walking towards you.

If you're being honest with yourself, you didn't want to talk about it to him. You didn't want him to worry so much about you, and you would most definitely start breaking down when you start explaining. You swallowed to hold back the lump in your throat and just give Gojo a smile.

"I'm fine! Just a little tired, didn't get much sleep last night." You rub the back of your neck giving a sheepish smile to him. But Satoru knew better than that, he knows you. Though he lets you off the hook for now and just sighs and rubs your head.

"If you say so, you know I'm here for you right?" He said with a twinge of concern in his voice. You lean into Gojo's touch, you felt a slight relief knowing the comfort of Gojo still being there. You look back at him before nodding, "Yes, dear, I know." You confirm to him. Giving him a comforting smile.

He smiles back at you and kisses your temple. The feeling of it lingered for a bit. After a few minutes you decided to tell Gojo that you're going to go to bed a bit early. You went to go do your nightly routine and change into your pajamas, and FINALLY lay down and sleep. You felt sleep overtake you, and soon enough you were out like a light.

You were in the snow... wait, why are you in the snow!? You looked down at yourself only to see you had clothing that were not fit for winter! You grab your arms with your ice-cold hands and finally found the strength to stand up.

You looked around wondering how you got here and most importantly HOW you got here! You start walking through the cold air, if you had to guess the temperature it was most likely in the negatives.

The more you kept walking the weaker you got; it got to the point where you couldn't walk anymore, and you fell to your knees. You were cold, shivering, tired. You wouldn't be surprised if you were somehow bleeding out. You just wanted for death to take you at this point. there was no hope for you. But before you could even die peacefully you felt something sharp in your rib cage.

GASP. You grab your chest, as you breath heavily. You felt tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. You look around your room to see that you were just in your room the whole time. You felt a twinge of relief knowing you're still home. You grabbed your phone to check the time 3:04am.

You let out a sigh, your heart still beating heavy. As much as you didn't want to make Gojo worried, you needed the comfort from him. After staring off in space for a few, you get up from your bed, with heavy and tired feet and start heading towards Gojo's room.

Once you knock on the door you started to rethink; was what you're doing being to childish and petty? Would Satoru get annoyed at you for waking him up hours? Before you could walk away the door opens, and you see a sleepy gojo.

"Eh? What's wrong, babe?" Gojo, yawned and rubbed his eye. You looked down at the ground clenching your fist before folding your arms. Those tears that were once threatening finally were released.

Gojo was taken aback and started to worry "Woah, woah, what's wrong?" Gojo asked, grabbing your hand in a gentle manner. You sniffle a bit trying to find your voice, "I-... Ugh! Today was just awful! And now I had a nightmare, and-" Gojo cut you off pulling you in a tight embrace, petting your head to soothe you.

"It's alright, take a moment to breath." Gojo then slowly led you to the bed and sat down beside you. He was always patient with you, he may be annoying, but, oh, how he was so gentle and kind to you. You wouldn't really know how you got so lucky, but you were so happy lucky was on your side to get someone like him.

You take a deep breath in, tears finally stopped streaming down your face. Gojo took notice in your calmer state and said, "Do, you want to talk about it?" He slowly asked. You hum softly, thinking about what Gojo asked. You took a deep breath, "Can-... Can I talk about it later?" Gojo smiles softly at you

"Of course, whatever makes you feel better." Gojo confirms to you. Before you could even say another word, it was as if he read your mind and opened his arms just enough for you to snuggle up to.

You hide your face in his chest and feel your body finally relax after what felt like forever. Gojo snakes his arms around your waist and drags you down on the bed to lay down with him. He let put a content sigh.

You felt your eyes grow heavy again, though this time, you felt safe, as if everything evil was gone and non-existent. Before you let sleep take you, you mumbled out a soft and quiet, "I love you, Toru." That was the last thing you said before letting sleep take you to dreamland.

Gojo smiles sweetly and chuckles to himself. He moved hair away from your face, kissing your forehead softly and staying, "I'm always here for you, I love you too, baby."

[marcusrobertobaq]

I think he's more worried about ceasing to exist as failure than actually just *puff* dying. Like, imagine being made to feel proud of being a slave just to fail his sole purpose? Depressing. And to die for really nothing? A damn punch. As any other android he has self-preservation but between tossing aside and letting it distract him it's better for the mission if he survives. His true denial is denying CyberLife is wrong about deviants, consequently he being wrong about deviants. He's, like, seeing all these signs he got in his mind are deviant shit (and deviant shit means failure = you're done) and thinking he himself is compromised according to his previous info but at the same time he's like "I still not a deviant?", know what i mean? He's conflicted in what to believe cuz all his own clues (and lack of knowledge about his background) points towards he being defective (a deviant), but if he were a deviant he'd def know cuz the brainwashing says it's something unacceptable and that'll be obvious when it's the case, and the fact they don't do shit besides wanting him to do the job doesn't help him either.

So, well, he remain on the line even after DPD assignment is over, and maybe hoping he'll find answers about deviancy in Jericho, where he can finally sit down and finally deviate parting ways with CyberLife, the leader gives him an ultimatum that will force him to make the decision alone, and if it's in prol of himself rather than humans he'll inevitably go against CyberLife's orders.

The problem is CyberLife knows about deviants and is hiding information not only about Kamski's relationship with both the deviant leader and tools that became what Connor is dealing with now but everything about what they wanna do with it. In Connor's mind CyberLife wanna put the revolution down for obviou$ reasons ($aving human$) and they got the right to do it cuz no androids should disobey humans or act against 'em as it brings chaos: machines with free will = not good.

But the ironic part here is from the outside circle pov Connor will be totally be seen as a deviant exactly cuz he can do these 2 things depending on the situation + suffer from instabilities a good machine shouldn't let it be relevant (interfere in decision-making), but the only reason he ain't a deviant in CyberLife's papers is cuz he remains obedient and haven't taken his "system compromise" seriously to the point of direct objection towards CyberLife itself yet (in this case Amanda as personification). And finally turning on CyberLife is truly "becoming free" or "opening his eyes" realizing his definitions on deviancy were covered by ignorance, now seeing himself as a person worthy life and voice after being used as tool (and it's no wonder his first mechanism is disasociation by "It wasn't really me before deviating"). What the deviant leader did was confirming Connor can and should make his own decisions (being capable of reason) instead of following his master - it's basically about rebellion, but it's twice as heavy cuz it's coming from a deviant android rather than just a human like Kamski.

But the "free" part is kinda fucked up in his case since indeed the handler function is gone and he's his own master in the system BUT CyberLife got the plan B that can still interfere and take control.

One thing i'm sure is deviant Connor regrets not deviating earlier and i think the earliest point in the game he could do it was refusing to find Jericho and taking the leader down the same way Hank can refuse helping saying "deviants deserve a change" (which conveniently after a very tense chat with Amanda due to the discoveries at Kamski's house). But i guess his fear of failing and being destroyed talked louder in this situation (this time in favor of CyberLife). Or maybe he was also just curious and wanted answers about where deviancy comes from and what's the relationship with rA9 - like, y'know, the original course was supposed to be.

This is basically what all androids go thru except it may be easier in 'em case since they ain't got the same bypasses on AA and they ain't trained (yet) to reject deviancy and fully embrace slavery - meaning anything can become reason for questioning or the butchering of direct orders. Ofc they're default self-aware of 'em condition as androids (as in not being a human or like a human and not try being a human) but we ain't got this level of rejection towards disobedience to a master, that probably comes from the Connor series function both as deviant hunter but also a large-range-decision-making model, since he's a RK.

Not sayin' your average office model won't have to make decisions alone (to assist the master) but Connor is in an active role characterized by decision-making (alone) with AA bypasses and a handler with vague orders wanting him to make the decisions and find answers himself as long as he doesn't ask his master "why?" about things. All he can do is make decisions that start distancing him from CyberLife priorities but even there he's still in 'em leash and on the mission (cuz he doesn't run away from it) until he totally "fucks up" by refusing to obey Amanda.

Before deviation all androids seem to go thru a process of questioning "whys" and finding themselves first then finally screaming to the world they're someone, and this "scream" will go against what androids are supposed to be in society. I say that cuz if we played more as Kara and Markus before deviancy we wouldn't really have such discussion about Connor alone (and i think the play time we got as Kara and Markus are enough to show basic things). The point with Connor was showing androids are people (probably, secretly, were supposed to be people intentionally), they just need to butcher the program keeping 'em in a box and free themselves from it a.k.a. becoming a deviant (and that's why we got mp walls as illustration).

Cuz i can argue they already got things that can potentially lead to conflicts (such as self-preservation but for the sake of a master) but the fact everything remains in place ain't making 'em being automatically a deviant for having self-preservation itself, it's part of the deal. Problem is when it butchers the master's intention and is focused solely on the android. It's no wonder they need be unstable to break thru, since raises the % of things becoming faulty. For a product it ain't an issue until things are out of control and ofc the manufacturer will make sure things are hard-coded under control and according to law... superficially at least.

It's quite sad, honestly. I'd prefer androids like these didn't exist if u gonna just make 'em slaves and hide potentials.

So, Bryan was casted for the role of Connor based on an audition tape, in which he did the scene from „The Bridge“.

He was picked to play Connor because he could portray Connor's uncertainty about whether or not he was a deviant so well.

He played Connor as someone who may or may not be a deviant, as someone who could be a machine but also could be a deviant who is repressing it. Bryan was picked for that role specifically because he could portray that desired nuance in his audition - using the scene from „The Bridge“ in which he hasn’t officially deviated yet.

Now, am I saying Connor was a deviant all along? No. I think that’s up to interpretation. All I'm saying is that people who think he might have been a deviant in denial from the start aren’t as „stupid“ as some of y'all like to call them. Because, depending on the route and the choices, he is quite literally intended to be seen as a „possible deviant in denial“. Many people can read between the lines and see what the narrative is showing them. That’s all.

Source at 7:38

[inky-writing]

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Warnings: my bad writing, short, it's a transition chapter because it didn't fit with chapter 6, stalker Carlisle, Jacob only cares about Bella

Word count: 680

Book II, Chapter 5.1

Y/N’s pov

The cold January air bit at Y/N’s skin as she zipped up her jacket, staring proudly at the three motorcycles lined up in Jacob’s garage. It had taken them weeks of work, but they were finally finished.

“I can’t believe we actually did it,” Bella said, a small, pleased smile on her face.

Jacob wiped his hands on an old rag, grinning. “You doubted me, Bells?”

“No,” Bella answered. “But I definitely doubted myself.”

Y/N chuckled, leaning against the wall. “They actually look rideable. That’s impressive considering how they looked when you found them.”

Jacob turned to Bella, his expression hopeful. “So, now that they’re ready, we just have to teach you how to ride. What do you say?”

Bella hesitated, shifting on her feet. “You’re sure this isn’t, like, too dangerous?”

Jacob scoffed. “You think I’d let anything happen to you?”

Y/N raised a brow. “What about me? I'm here too.”

Jacob smirked, nudging her shoulder. “You? You can handle yourself.”

Bella sighed, glancing at the bikes again. Y/N could see the battle happening in her head, but she already knew Bella’s answer before she spoke. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Jacob’s grin widened. “Awesome. We’ll head out tomorrow.”

Y/N didn’t share Bella’s hesitation, but she did feel something else gnawing at the edge of her awareness. It had been happening more often lately, that eerie sensation that she wasn’t alone.

She felt it now.

Her shoulders tensed slightly as she glanced over at the open garage door, her eyes scanning the tree line beyond Jacob’s house. Nothing. Just the wind rustling the branches.

And yet…

She shook it off. Maybe she was just being paranoid.

Again.

Carlisle’s pov

Carlisle had told himself he should stop.

And yet, here he was, hidden in the shadows of the trees lining Jacob Black’s property, watching Y/N as she laughed with her friends.

It was maddening.

He had left to clear his head, to put distance between himself and the growing attachment he felt toward her. But distance hadn’t helped. If anything, it had only made things worse.

Now, standing in the cold, he felt his resolve crumbling all over again. The pull toward her was undeniable. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before, something so raw and absolute that it terrified him.

This was what Alice and Jasper described. What Emmett and Rosalie felt.

A mate.

His mind recoiled at the thought. It was impossible. Esme was his mate.

But if that was true, then why did Esme’s presence lately feel… wrong? Forced? Like an idea that had been placed in his head rather than something chosen by fate?

He exhaled sharply, pushing away from the tree. He needed answers.

As he made his way back to the small house he had rented on the outskirts of town (because returning to his own house would wake suspicions), his phone rang for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

Esme.

Again.

He clenched his jaw, staring at the screen. She had been calling incessantly, always checking in, always asking where he was and what he was doing. It was strange, considering she had insisted on going to Australia alone. At the time, he had agreed, believing she needed space.

Now, he wasn’t so sure.

He let the call go to voicemail.

Instead, he pulled up his laptop and turned his attention to something else that had also been bothering him: Y/N’s necklace.

The moment he had seen it around her neck, he had felt something. A presence. A power. It was subtle, but to a supernatural being like him, it was unmistakable.

His fingers flew across the keyboard as he searched for anything that matched the necklace’s design.

He found old records of enchanted amulets, talismans crafted centuries ago. Some of them were even said to be linked to bloodlines.

A shiver ran through him.

Who was Y/N? More like, WHAT was Y/N?

And why did it feel like she was the key to everything in his life?

Tag list: @inky-bonnie @irelanrose @i-cant-pick-an-aesthetic09 @wandererthemadhatter

[altaiiriss]

Repost from Trans Chuuya week 2024

Day 1 – Gender dysphoria

(This is set in my qpr skk universe, so keep in mind that Dazai is agender!)

Familiar unfamiliarity.

It's the first thing that comes to Chuuya's mind as he stares at his reflection in the mirror.

The familiar feeling of unfamiliarity that traps him in a deathly grip whenever he's having one of those bad days.

First it was his hair. He washed it carefully and followed his hair care routine thoroughly, then styled it as usual. He styled it again, this time in a braid. Again, in a ponytail. Again, again and again.

He gave up.

Then it was his hips. His favourite pair of jeans suddenly highlighted his waist and hugged the curves of his thighs in a not-manly-enough way. He grabbed another pair from his wardrobe and tried it. He tried another again, again and again.

He gave up.

Then it was his chest. It didn't look bad—a small size can easily be hidden—and yet his first instict was to tear the tape apart. He opted for his binder and grabbed one of his favourite black turtlenecks.

Bad, bad decision.

Then it was his face, his hands, his belly, and now he can feel it even in his bones.

Chuuya can't help but see a woman in the mirror.

"Chibi Chuu~" says the man, a real man, who is leaning against the doorframe.

"If you don't stop with that nam–"

Ah, even his voice feels wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

"What are you doing? You've spent the last thirty minutes in here."

"Just practicing the role of the perfect girlfriend." Chuuya replies, trying to act unbothered.

"Did Chuuya change pronouns?" Dazai genuinely asks, a bit confused yet serious.

Then he notices the pile of clothes scattered on the floor and the general mess in the bathroom.

"Oh." Dazai murmurs, and an imaginary lightbulb lights up above his head. "I get it now."

"No you don't," the redhead replies, mouth acting faster than his brain. "No one stares weirdly at you while you shop in the men's clothing section. They don't get that confused look on their faces as soon as they hear your voice."

Chuuya grips the sink and it takes all of his self-control not to crush it with his destructive ability.

He wishes he could use it on himself and just disappear, for he's just an useless bunch of incorrectly-arranged atoms.

"You don't get to say 'I get it' because you're so lucky that you don't have to understand anything. You're not the one who's trapped in the wrong body!"

A pause.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"I wish I had your damn body instead—"

"Enough." Dazai raises his voice, promptly cutting Chuuya off before he can even finish his sentence.

The tension is electrifying. As soon as he realises what he just said, Chuuya's face contorts in horror.

He meets Dazai's gaze, who's looking at him with empty eyes.

"I'll let it slide because I know you're just angry at yourself," he says, voice devoid of emotion, "but let me remind you that I'm not a man so stop treating me like I am."

Panic grows in Chuuya's eyes.

He fucked up, didn't he?

"Fuck. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. It really sounded like that, though."

"I'm sorry. I'm an assho—"

"You're not," Dazai cuts him off before he can blame himself. "You're struggling and you're angry. It's okay."

"Doesn't mean I'm allowed to treat people like shit."

"No, you're definitely not," Dazai reiterates, clearing his throat. "I'm well aware I don't face the same struggles as you do, but I still experience dysphoria from time to time. I'm no stranger to that feeling."

"I'm sorry." Chuuya mutters, mortified.

He went to far, and what for? He's just playing at pretending he's a man and hurting people in the process.

"Besides," Dazai goes on, "You know I have a... complicated relationship with my body. Dysphoria aside, I've never felt at home in my own skin. Hearing you wish you lived in this scarred flesh..." he pauses, visibly shaken. "It was weird. And bad. Please don't say that ever again."

"I'm sorry. That was a shitty thing to say."

Dazai offers him a weak smile. "It's okay. I'm not angry at you. Promise."

"It's just—" his voice cracks, throat wobbling, "Everything feels horrible. I don't like myself today. I really don't."

"It's okay to have bad days. They always come to an end though, don't they?" Dazai reassures him, and his hand comes to ruffle Chuuya's hair.

Chuuya nods, quiet.

"This isn't going to last forever either. And I can offer my dysphoria hoodie in the meantime."

For the first time since they woke up, Dazai finally catches a glimpse of a smile of Chuuya's face.

"I promised we'd check that new French bakery. I can't go out wearing that."

"You absolutely can. Don't treat the dysphoria hoodie as the most awful piece of clothing you've ever laid your eyes upon." he jokes, acting like drama queen he is. "But..."

Dazai's lips curve in a mischievous grin, then the brunet hands Chuuya his oversize hoodie. "I'll be back in ten minutes with our breakfast."

"Oi, there's no need. I can cook something for us to make up for my shitty behaviour."

"There isn't anything to make up for. And Chuuya could use a little treat right now, so I'm going."

Chuuya sighs, displaying faux annoyance. Once again defeated by the detective's reasoning, he puts on the piece of clothing.

He looks in the mirror again and this time he can't make out the silhouette of his body. The dysphoria hoodie hides his limbs perfectly—the bastard had a good idea—and for the first time today Chuuya can stare at himself without feeling the urge to tear his skin apart.

There isn't any physical shape defining him.

Right now he's just Chuuya.

He catches Dazai's reflection smiling tenderly behind him.

"Pain au chocolat and black coffee for the little man who just stole my lovely hoodie?"

Chuuya chuckles. "You know me so well."

"I couldn't forget Chuuya's awful taste in food even if I tried. But do not fret! I'm here to balance everything out."

"Yeah, yeah." he replies, not making any effort in hiding his sarcastic tone. "Oi. Thanks for putting up with my awful mood swings."

Dazai smiles at him. "There's no point in being a team only when things go smoothly, isn't there?"

Chuuya smiles back. "Yeah."

[bayetea]

I don't like the judo flip in moa as much as the next guy but in my eyes it's largely the result of rick not taking female violence half as seriously as male violence (a result of viewing women as weaker and inferior to men such that their acts of violence don't need to be taken as seriously) and not so much anything about annabeth herself. like I do genuinely feel that annabeth is a complex heroine and definitely one of the better ones in the realm of ya action-adventure fiction produced in the past 25 years but she is still a girl being written by a man and all I'm saying is that her writing clearly reflects that sometimes (more in tags)

[queencvbra]

I am. So so scared about that they're doing with Tory this season lol.

[good-to-drive]

whyyyyy do the beatles have so many solo stans this site is so weird

[uncanny-tranny]

hi <3 i hope it’s ok to send an ask like this…i’ve just had a lot on my mind and don’t really have anybody to talk to about gender stuff.

(for context i’m 19 and bi)

i thought i was cis (afab) up until 3-ish years ago, but since then i’ve just been in this weird questioning/limbo phase? i don’t know quite how to explain it…sometimes i feel comfortable calling myself/being called a girl, but other times it just doesn’t feel quite right. other times i feel very masculine, but still don’t feel fully comfortable being referred to as a boy or using he/him pronouns. and then they/them just doesn’t feel fully right either. i’ve also been having dreams where i’m either a boy or genderfluid, which have sort of influenced this whole situation.

if you have any words of wisdom or encouragement, they would be greatly appreciated <3 please feel free to ignore this btw

It might feel like you need to have it all figured out by now, and I totally get the urge to want to rush yourself - "why don't I have this all sorted? Why can't this go faster?" - but I promise, the time you take in that grey area can be amazing. Taking the time you need now to explore exactly who you are is never a bad thing, no matter how long it takes. If I have one regret about my transition, it was that I pushed myself too quickly out of that grey area of gender, because I felt so much pressure to not have a nuanced or complicated identity. So I fully endorse the idea of giving yourself as much time as you need whether that's weeks, months, years, decades, even. You have so much time left, it's unbelievable. If you think every person has their gender all sorted out in under two decades of life, you'd miss out on a ton of people.

It seems like you have thought a lot about this and have invested a lot of energy into - that's great! If you are in this grey area forever, that is completely fine. People like you have always existed, you are by no means not the first person to feel this way, and people like you have thrived and loved and celebrated who they are because there isn't any shame in being you. People like you are an essential part of how humanity is shaped.

At the end of the day, the person who is most affected by who you are is you. Nobody else factors into that because you have to spend time with yourself every day. You owe it to yourself to give the space needed to explore and define who you are - not what other people's ideas of you are. That is their baggage, not yours. No matter what, you aren't alone in your feelings, and there are always people who can support you and hear you out. I know this is all easier said than done, but take it from me, it is worth it. You are worth it.

[cabbxges-and-kings]

I really wish s4 of turn would've included a throw back to Thomas' death (Abe's brother Thomas) when he was undercover in the British army. Since I'm sure Richard would be glad if both of his sons served, maybe not so much after Thomas' death, but still. It was built up as this big impactful thing in s1, in his trial in s3 Abe confesses that he "killed" his brother. So it was still relevant to Abe's character at that point. I know not a lot of people like Abe and wouldn't care for seeing any reference to it, but it could've surfaced in his mind after losing his father: his mother, brother, and finally, father all being dead. Since his brother served and was killed during his time serving in the British Army, it could've strengthened his bond with Mary, or something, since it's his death that caused the two to get married instead.

[peachesandfictionalmen]

Best friends to lovers with Jason Todd is so swoon worthy.

Like getting close to this man that hardly trusts anyone? Jason is so friends to lovers coded it's crazy.

This bitch is the type to cook you meals while you sit on the counter, doesn't matter who's apartment your in.

Finding him curled up on your couch because he was distressed after patrol and when he got there you were already asleep. Him staying anyway because your smell comforts him? I'm fucking deceased.

Falling asleep casually draped over each other while watching a movie. Him massaging the leg you have draped over his lap because he needs something to do with his hands.

This man is so awkward when it comes to crushing too. Like sure he can be smooth with the ladies, but being around someone he's in love with? Please. I swear he'd go as far as practically acting like your boyfriend. He'd be bringing you your favorite snacks, taking you on bike rides, helping you clean your apartment, going out to eat with you, all the while trying to act like he doesn't blush when you smile at him, because there's no way you'd like him back, right?

He'd be so confused if you started trying to drop hints too, like oh, your just wearing his jacket because your cold. His favorite hoodie is definitely not at your place. You just like rubbing his shoulders because you know how tight his muscles get and feel bad for him, no other reason. You only keep his favorite tea at your place because it's convenient, right?

I think you could wave a sign at this man that says 'I LOVE YOU, PLEASE KISS ME' and he'd suddenly become illiterate.

There'd be so many awkward, blushing, almost severely intimate moments too. The cuddles and brushes in the kitchen, hanging on too tight when he takes a turn on his bike, him brushing the hair out of your face, him watching as you put on makeup or are focused on something.

One day, while he's cooking and your sitting on the counter talking, you just get fed up with dropping hints and when he turns and is standing next to your spot on the counter, you just grab him. You just grasp his cheek gently and pull him in for a kiss, he's so stunned he doesn't respond right away. You pull away, half panicking, thinking you actually read him wrong and he finally blinks, cupping your cheeks in his hands and pulling you in to kiss you for real because, finally.

[street-smarts00]

in omnia paratus

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: Spencer's been on the fence with his feelings for you. Due to his past traumas he’s decided to keep his feelings hidden. Until you’re caught in a dangerous situation at work

WC: 3.5 k

A/N: I am SO SORRY this took so long. I’ve been sitting on this for two months because I was being a perfectionist and had writer's block. Thank you so much to the person who requested this idea and I hope ya’ll like it! beta read by @whats-yesterday00

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Protective!spencer, Friends to lovers, age gap (25 and idk 33 or 34), during season 9 (sadly no post prison Reid, I refuse to watch the show after Derek & Hotch leave), Maeve is implied 

Warnings!: mentions of murder, stalking, gunshot wounds, hostage situation and incorrect info about hostage situation cause Idk I'm not in the FBI

Everyone knew Spencer Reid had a soft spot for you. Well, everyone except for you. 

Since the moment you met you’ve been on his mind. 

“Do you know how old she is?” 

“No, how old is she?” 

“25!” Penelope squeaked before being shushed by Rossi. 

“Wow, she’s gotta be the youngest person to ever be in the BAU. Well, second to genius over here,” JJ commented while pointing to Reid. 

“That’s if she gets the job,” Morgan added. 

They were all crowded around the desks in front of Hotch’s office. The blinds were cracked and they could just barely make out the woman seated across from their boss for an interview. 

Due to the increase in caseload after Alex joined, Hotch made the request to add an additional member of the team. After interviewing a few people that didn’t pan out, he heard quite a bit about you from your supervisor saying how well you’ve done with the FBI and you’d be an exceptional fit for the team.

Then of course Penelope looked up everyone who was interviewing with Hotch. You being her most recent victim. 

“How long has she been with the FBI?” Alex questioned. 

“Three years,” Penelope answered 

“What? Did she join right after college?” 

“Not right away. She graduated early and got experience with law enforcement first.” 

Spencer sat at his desk quietly while everyone was peering into Hotch’s office. Not to say he wasn’t nosy as well. You were already behind the blinds when he arrived for work. 

“Oh they’re shaking hands! That has to be a good sign,” Penelope cheered. 

Morgan turned to the window, “It’s definitely not a bad one.” 

Her eyes widened before loudly whispering, “Oh no they’re leaving. Disperse.” 

She scurried off in her heels towards Derek’s desk while he followed behind with a grin. JJ, and Rossi averted their eyes from Hotch’s office and found Alex’s desk far more interesting. 

All while Spencer’s attention was brought to the woman led down the stairs by his boss. It felt like his heart stopped beating when he saw how beautiful you were. He was brought back to earth as Hotch introduced you to the rest of the team. 

“This is Dr. Spencer Reid,” he gestured to the man sitting at his desk. 

You offered him a small wave and a kind smile, “Nice to meet you.” 

It became quite obvious you two would get along very well. From very early on conversation flowed incredibly well between the two of you. There were very few people that he felt were easy to talk to because of his niche interests and the way he would ramble spitting facts left and right. 

But he never had to worry about saying the wrong thing or talking too much with you. You often were a content listener or you would even match his passion on certain subjects. Most were topics Spencer already knew about. 

When you first met Spencer you didn’t know the Dr in his name meant he held 3 PhD’s or that he was quite literally a genius. 

So you were often telling stories or facts you found interesting that he already knew. In fact, almost every “fun fact” you brought up, he knew about already.  

But he never interrupted you. He always was listening intently to what you had to say. Like he was hearing about it for the first time. 

At some point you learned of his eidetic memory and how vast his knowledge was. It was during a case where you found out and mentioned it to him. 

“Reid, remember when we were at the harbor and I mentioned that thing about sharks?” You hesitated, “did you know that already?”

“Yes,” he guiltily admitted. 

You partially deflated suddenly feeling that the whole tangent you went on was pointless. “Why did you let me go on and on if you already knew?” 

His eyes softened, “because I wanted to hear you talk about it.” 

That was when his feelings started to peek through. As the months went on it only grew and grew. And you were none the wiser.

To the average person, it might not seem like much. Perhaps you were just good friends. But to a team of profilers (and best friends) it was painfully obvious. 

It was almost painful the way he looked at you with a longing in his eyes. Or when his gaze immediately turned to you to catch your reaction or smile. 

It was obvious by the way he found any excuse to bring you up in conversation. Or how in conversation with you he would mirror your mannerisms and lean closer to you. 

As well as the things he remembered about you or the little things he did for you. Like the countless coffee cups he bought for you from his favorite coffee shop before work. And when he saw you struggling to find something or open something he was always right there to help. 

Spencer Reid had feelings for you. Feelings so deep that he couldn’t pull the roots out even if he tried. 

He didn’t know what to do with his feelings exactly. He hadn’t felt this strongly for someone since … well for a while. He was terrified of history repeating itself. 

He couldn't lose you. He’d seen first hand what this job did to him, what it did to Hotch. Their loved ones ripped away from them too soon.

So for now at least, he kept his feelings to himself. 

Well, until your last case. 

The BAU was called in on a case that just turned serial. They found the unsub to be a man named Mark, who started killing because his girlfriend cheated on him. The first two victims reminded him of the man she cheated with. When that didn’t satisfy him, he hunted down and killed the other man. 

Now the team and SWAT was stationed outside a bus that Mark was holding hostage. He stalked his ex-girlfriend and tracked down the new city bus she took. 

The officers couldn’t get a clear shot of him because of where he was standing and he kept using the passengers as shields. Rossi was currently on the phone with him trying to make negotiation terms and get some of the people off the bus. Mark however was incredibly stubborn and didn’t want to let his leverage go. 

So Rossi asked about the children on the bus and if Mark would be willing to let them off. They were met with silence on the other end of the phone, contrary to his previous behavior where he loved to hear himself talk. 

After a short pause the phone spoke. “I’ll only send out the kids if you send in an agent.” 

Rossi shifted his weight and crossed his arms. “Are there any other circumstances you’re willing to send out the children for?” he asked. 

“Nope,” he said with a pop at the end of the word. 

A look of concern was quickly exchanged between Rossi and Hotch. While their faces didn’t reveal much, their eyes spoke volumes. 

“How about this,” the unsub continued. “I’ll send out their moms too.” 

Rossi’s eyebrows furrowed slightly at the eagerness to comply from the criminal. “You’ll send out the children and their mothers if we send in one of our agents?” 

“I promise.” 

Rossi returned his eyes to Hotch who stood rigid and tall with his arms folded. He was met with an approving nod before returning to the call. 

“Alright, we can agree to those terms.” 

“Oh and agent Rossi?” Mark perked. 

“Yes?”

“Send in a girl.”

There was a tension that quietly branched out between the agents listening to the phone call. 

“Why do you want a woman?” Rossi asked, clearly changing the dialogue used.

“I’m losing too many ladies sending out these moms. I want one back,” he replied with a cockiness to his voice. 

Ross confirmed they could send in a female agent. Almost immediately after the unsub hung up, you volunteered to be the agent going on the bus.  

“I’ll do it.”

Spencer’s head shot in your direction. “No you're not.” His voice was laced with concern and a hint of demand.  

“Reid-”

“He specifically asked for a woman. We don’t know what he’s planning, he’s devolving.”

“And I’m willing to take that risk to make sure those kids are safe,” You defended yourself. 

You turned to your boss waiting for his thoughts. Hotch knew you’d been exposed to enough high tension scenarios to know what you were doing. But just like any member of his team, he silently hesitated, worrying for your safety. 

He took a breath before meeting your eyes again. “Send her in.” 

Right before you were led to the bus, Hotch took off the holster on his ankle and handed it to you. “Some extra protection in case something happens.” You couldn’t hear the concern in his voice, but you saw it clear as day in his eyes. 

You made your way to the bus and saw through the window Mark holding a gun to the driver and telling him to open the door. You stepped on and the doors closed quickly behind you. The unsub took a long look at you, panning up and down. 

“Well how about that. Aren’t you a beauty? He said with a cheeky grin. 

You tried your hardest not to look disgusted with him. Instead you kept your composure and spoke with courage and a confident demeanor. 

“You this flirty with all your hostages?” you asked plainly.

As he gazed down at your legs his eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. He bent down and with the gun in his hand, pushed away the bottom of your pants leg. When he saw the gun in the holster, he tsked. 

“You always carry this much dead weight on you?” 

He stood back up and put his hand out, “hand it over, I told them no weapons.” 

You reluctantly took off Hotch’s holster and placed it in the unsubs hand. Your one line of defense was gone. 

The longer you were on the bus, the more anxious Spencer got. He knew you were an exceptional profiler, and you had enough experience and skill to handle yourself in situations like this. 

But that couldn’t stop the ache in his stomach or the fact that his heart rate could power a car by now. 

He stood closer to the bus now to get a clearer view of the windows. They managed to successfully get the children and moms off and to safety, but you weren’t safe. Spencer figured you were trying to negotiate with the unsub, but that was going nowhere. This was confirmed when Rossi tried calling him again but every call was ignored. 

This unsub was stubborn as hell. He knows he trapped himself, but didn’t want to back down. At least he didn’t want to go quietly. 

Spencer was talking with the rest of the team trying to devise a plan when the gunshots were fired. The team immediately ran back to the cacophony on the bus. 

More shots were fired, he didn’t know where from. He didn’t care. 

He just needed to get to you. 

When he got a decent view through one of the windows that hadn’t shattered he saw you. Your hand over arm in pain but still standing in front of the civilians to protect them. The unsub stalking over to you, gun in hand and smacking you over the head with it. You slammed against the chairs and fell to the floor. 

Spencer's face paled. He swore he was going to throw up. 

Through the fog of his mind Spencer saw Morgan escorting Mark off the bus, his hands now behind his back in cuffs. 

He rushed past them, clambering through the door and up the stairs to get to you, calling your name. 

“Reid?” he heard your small tired voice through the crowd. 

He followed it to you, laying on the ground struggling to open your eyes and clutching your left arm. 

He crouched down to your level with a gentle hand on your uninjured arm. 

“Hey, I’m here. I’m right here,” he comforted. 

“My head hurts,” you mumbled.

His eyes softened, “I know. I think you might have a concussion, you need to go to the hospital.” 

You slowly started to fade out of consciousness. Spencer’s heart dropped and his hand moved from your arm to your face. 

“No no no no stay with me okay?” he caressed your cheek with his thumb.

“Stay with me sweetheart,” he consoled.

Your eyes stopped struggling to stay open and finally made their close. His other hand rushed to your pulse point as he called for a medic.

Time seemed to stand still while Spencer sat next to your hospital bed waiting for you to wake up. He couldn’t leave your side. He didn’t want to. 

You were okay. You were laying in the bed in front of him. But of course in his mind he ran through all the possible scenarios of how things could’ve gone worse, how things could’ve gone better. What would’ve happened if you didn’t have your gun taken away, or if the unsub got angry that you tried to bring a gun in. What if he didn’t lose his cool and start firing. What if you never went inside in the first place. 

And with all of those possible scenarios, the same thought plagued him. 

He was wrong. 

Before he was too scarred from past traumas to reveal just how much you meant to him. Not wanting to repeat the past and lose yet another person he loved cared for. 

But now, after seeing you in danger right in front of him, now he was terrified at the thought of you never knowing. He was now more scared you would never know how much he loved the way your nose crinkled when you smiled. How he thought the sound of your voice could cure any ailment he had. How he admired your strength and desire to protect others. How you could light up anyone's mood by just being you. How he could listen to you for hours, even if you were lecturing him on things he’d known like the back of his hand.

To him it was a whole new experience hearing it from you. 

Spencer was pulled from his thoughts as you stirred awake. He saw your eyes adjust to the bright fluorescent lights ahead. He quickly got up to dim the lights for you. 

When he returned to his seat you smiled at him, “hi.” 

“Hi,” he smiled back.  

“How are you feeling?” 

You sighed. “Like shit,” you complained with a hint of humor. 

“The doctor said you have a minor head injury, bruised ribs, and the shot to your arm thankfully didn’t break any bones.” 

“Fun,” you said sarcastically. 

A moment of silence passes between you two. He doesn’t exactly know what to say. How do you casually tell your friend and coworker you have a crush on them? 

There is no casual way. 

“You called me sweetheart,” you broke the silence. 

He furrowed his eyebrows, “What?” 

You fidget with the blanket, “earlier, when I passed out on the bus. You called me sweetheart.”

He searches his mind for the memories of the day. When he finds the memory he realizes in the heat of the moment the term of endearment slipped out. 

He wasn’t aware you heard it. 

“I did,” he confirmed as his ears flushed.

“Why?” you asked curiously. 

He didn’t know how to tell you that he’s wanted to call you that for weeks now. So instead he settled with-

“It just … felt right.” 

“Oh,” you replied quietly.

Spencer tensed up at your response. 

“If I crossed the line-“ 

“No. Of course not,” you interrupted with a comforting voice. 

The corners of your mouth lifted and cheeks dusted pink. “I thought it was sweet. You don’t normally say stuff like that.”  

His heart warmed at your confession and a smile spread on his face. 

“You thought me calling you sweetheart was sweet?” he lightly teased.

“Shut up,” you chuckled, rolling your eyes. “You know what I mean.” 

Your laughter was cut short by a sharp pain in your abdomen. You bit down on your lip and gripped the side of the bed in pain. 

The reality that you were injured on the job was rushing back to him. 

He licked his lips, his nervous unconscious habit. 

“I was really worried about you.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t,” he interjected. 

“The entire time you were on that bus I was sick to my stomach. Terrified that something bad was gonna happen and it did,” he started to ramble. 

You leaned closer to him. ”But I’m okay Reid.”

“You still got hurt. He shot you for christ sake!” his voice raising in pitch and volume. 

“Reid-”

“He lashed out at you! You could’ve died!” 

“Spencer,” you said firmly, pulling his attention towards you. 

He never heard you say his name before. No matter how many times he said you could call him Spencer, you still called him Reid. Hearing his name fall from your lips was like the consistency of honey.

You placed your hands on his face caressing his cheek. His golden eyes meet yours. 

“I’m alright. I’m still here,” you consoled. 

“But if-“

“Spencer.”

“Please,” he pleaded. “It’s important.” 

You nodded your head, signaling for him to continue. He gently grabbed your wrists and brought your hands in his. He took a deep breath before he decided to spill the thing that had been eating away at his heart. 

“I have feelings for you. I have for a long time. Almost as long as you’ve been at the BAU,” he started. 

With your hands in his he started tracing his thumb over your knuckles. 

“If we don’t have work I count down the days until I can see you again. When I do see you I desperately want to see you smile, see you happy. And if I’m the one that causes that smile, it makes my whole day. That’s why I never interrupted when you talked about something I already knew. The way your face lit up when you talked with such passion was the highlight of my day.” 

“For months I was scared of my feelings and I kept them to myself. I was too scared to admit how much I liked you because I-” his hold on your hands tightened.

“I know what it feels like to lose someone. This job takes so much from us; I never wanted it to take you.” 

Spencer let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. 

“Today I realized it would be more painful if I went the rest of my life not telling you, than having even a fraction of a moment with you.”

A moment of silence danced between you two. Your head reeling from his confession, heart beating so hard you could feel it in your bones. Your palms sweaty from holding onto Spencers, but still neither of you let go. 

The silence was deafening, plaguing him. 

“Please … say something,” he begged. 

Your lash line was collecting tears that you simultaneously tried blinking away. Your eyes found his tie less intimidating than his gaze.

“I never thought you would like me back,” you said with a soft tone. 

Spencer's cheeks turned red as his heart started melting. “I do.” 

You brought your eyes back to his. That precious smile on his face was infectious. 

“Listen,” you squeezed his hands. “I’m not going anywhere. So you have as much time with me as you want.” 

Spencer's eyes softened at your words. He raised your hands and placed a loving kiss on your knuckles. 

The two of you were too lost in eachother to notice the footsteps towards the room. 

“Hey, I found some Jello for her if she-” Alex abruptly stopped once she noticed what she walked into. 

You both awkwardly pulled your hands away from each other; you fiddling with the hospital blanket, him rubbing his palms on his slacks. 

“So, feeling better?” she asked hesitantly. 

“Much,” you answered, still a bit flustered. 

“Good, good to hear,” She tried not to sound too smug, but the small smile on her face said otherwise. 

She raised and shook the jello container in her hand. 

“I’m gonna leave this here,” she placed it on the table. “I’ll be back in a bit.” 

“Thanks Blake,” you thanked as she left. 

Once she was gone you quietly giggled and mumbled “oh my god,” under your breath. 

“You know, she kept teasing me asking when I was going to ask you out. And don’t even get me started on Morgan,” he chuckled, shaking his head. 

Your jaw dropped and eyes furrowed. “Did everyone else know but me?” 

He pressed his lips in a thin line, “pretty much.” 

“I must be a shitty profiler,” you half joked.

“Absolutely not,” he said in the most comforting voice. He brushed the hair that had fallen in front of your face behind your ear. 

“You’re an amazing profiler.” 

You smiled that smile he loved so much. The one where you couldn’t hide your joy and your nose crinkled. 

“So, how do you think you’ll spend all those moments with me?” you inquired with a bit of a teasing tone. 

“Doing anything sweetheart,” he answered seriously. He looked at you with awe written all over your face. “I'm ready for anything with you.” 

“in omnia paratus” - ready for anything

Tag asks: @adrienneleclerc @ladybirdbeetle7