#like I’ve seen people over on twitter who have never used tumblr decide to sign up because of this

[destroyscythe-heck]

Happy “try to figure out why we’re suddenly getting a huge spike in new users from Japan and Korea” day to the tumblr staff

[morning-glory215]

a small Discussion

(Please assume that I am referring to characters throughout this post - as a blanket statement here)

I’ve (+ many of my discord friends, hello Home Home) noticed something. Tumblr isn’t safe from Dream apologism; it’s got a different brand from Twitter, and it takes the form of my high school English essays. Y’know the ones, where you need two thousand words and you’re only at 500. So you crack open the good ol’ thesaurus and throw out any narrative discussion, in lieu of bullshitting your way through it.

Add in some condescending fuckery and ta-da! Your run-of-the-mill Dream apologist Tumblr/Twitter take. 

Joking aside, there’s this idea I’ve seen arching across nearly every Dream apologist post; that he had/has little to no control from around the Revolution, up to now. That he was the puppet being controlled (by who? Wilbur? Tommy?) and that he never meant anything he did! He was being forced into it! Dream, to many, was a hapless victim being pulled along by the whims of his servermates. He isn’t a villain (he is), he isn’t a tyrant (he sure wanted to be!) and his hand was forced to punish L’Manburg/Tommy/Tubbo/whoever-the-’villain’-of-the-week-is (it was never forced). 

This all just so… reductive of his character?

Dream is, narratively (and yes, the SMP has a narrative that is driven by conflict) the villain. He is the overarching force the protagonists fight/fought against. Actions made by Dream, of his own volition, drive the plot along - even without him present his actions are felt. In the most literal sense, Dream is the villain. He tried to become a tyrant through using attachments against people.

How quickly one forgets, willingly or not willingly, the Hall of Attachments (evil) in his Stereotypical Evil Villain Lair (evil).

Depriving the villain of nuance, that he had full control of his actions, by claiming his critics/antis deprive him of nuance by assigning him a narrative role is counterintuitive. Dream apologists claim they’re winning his nuance back, while in the same breath taking it away. Dream is interesting because he’s so sinister and evil and fucked up; what makes him so interesting is because he’s so calculating. I roleplay Dream pretty regularly, and I hate him because he’s so slimy. Don’t take it away by framing him as the victim, when he made it pretty clear (before the Prison, because I think he’s trying to garner sympathy) that he was Top Dog. He was the predator, everyone else was his prey.

He has always seen himself as the apex predator. Everyone else is his little game.

So let’s move onto my OTHER gripe with Dream apologists. They often have to put every character under the sun against him, in apparent attempts to highlight how victimized he is. Everyone is against him and that must mean he is being targeted for no reason. This post won’t even touch upon Tommy’s Exile with Dream much, but I think that whole plotline could eviscerate that point on the spot. Most Dream apologists like to employ what I call Higher Level Headcanons (coined by me, please pay me royalties if used! /j); they take the in-betweens of canon, extrapolate to such a degree it isn’t canon, and then call it canon. They take moments of “weakness��� Dream has shown, often to win sympathy and make his victims try to placate him, and use that to show that other characters have wounded him to such degrees he’s just forced to hurt them.

Tommy gets this treatment the most (and arguably, George and Sap too) but who’s next? 

Wilbur.

Dream apologists love to mix these two up. Wilbur is the manipulative villain, and Dream is the one backed into corners. Who was it that took a look at an obviously erratic exiled man and decided to arm him? Was it Wilbur? No, it was Dream; Dream has always hated L’Manburg, Dream has never liked them because they growled at his bite during the Revolution. Who has always held the physical upperground, who punched when he was called names? If there was a weakness to exploit, Dream dug his grimy fingers in and pulled. Wilbur is, and I say this lovingly, a coward. 

When he was backed into a corner, Wilbur often floundered. He doesn’t like violence and only resorted to it in his darkest moments. Wilbur did, and does, the things he did because he felt caged and cornered and his entire world was crumbling before him. He says fucked up shit now because he has nothing to lose but Tommy now. Wilbur is a scared, lonely and broken soul. He's a modern tragedy in the way that he had little control over his fate.

Dream is a Classical tragedy in the sense that he set himself fully up for failure. He saw the warning signs, he knew the full scope of his actions and cursed the Gods anyways. This isn’t to say you’re a bad person for seeing yourself in some of his actions or that him being a villain demonizes you for liking him. How often do we see people upholding other traditional villains in media? 

Overall, this post is less telling Dream apologists they’re terrible people and more so about picking apart some iffy shit I’ve been seeing floating around in that community. Thank you for reading! 

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

PRIDEFALL UPDATE: real or fake?

What is Pridefall?

Operation Pridefall, also known as Project Pridefall or simply Pridefall, refers to an attack planned by /pol/ (a political discussion board on the anonymous website 4chan) for all of June, AKA Pride month. The original 4chan thread, which has since been deleted, was primarily focused on “redpilling,” i.e. spreading queerphobic propaganda to make people question the LGBTQ+ community. However, now that it has spread outside 4chan, there are threats of harassing, doxxing, and outing queer people (especially minors) on social media, spamming gore and rape videos in private messages and Pride tags, and even kidnapping, assaulting, or killing queer people in real life.

Specific targets include Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and dating apps. The goal is to go after smaller accounts so the queerphobia isn’t lost in the comments.

Is Pridefall real?

Yes and no.

I searched “pridefall” on 4chan last night. Apparently any new threads on it are being deleted, and anytime someone mentions it, everyone calls them slurs and says no one is doing it.

However, Pridefall is gaining some traction on Instagram--I have seen it for myself. I don’t have TikTok or any dating apps, but I’ve heard that some people are spamming homophobia on TikTok. As for Twitter, I only looked briefly, but I saw some Pridefall accounts there, as well as a lot of warnings and blocklists from people who are worried about it.

I’ve also heard that there have been a few Reddit and Discord raids, and that there is an Operation Pridefall Discord server (someone who spied on them says they have been banned on Discord as well as a platform called Riot before, so very few people are left on the Discord server now).

What do you think, Lia?

This is not coming from 4chan. No one on 4chan is interested anymore.

Most likely, people outside of 4chan heard about it and decided to take matters into their own hands.

The original 4chan thread wanted to make Pridefall “normie-palatable” by avoiding Nazi imagery or other overt unpleasantness, but I have seen a LOT of both on Instagram. This reinforces my belief that 4chan isn’t doing this.

A lot of the people behind this are young, or at least unsophisticated. Most of the Pridefall accounts on Instagram engage in very childish trolling, and one of them said they were a minor. Some of the threats I’ve seen are so outlandish that I can only imagine they came from a fairly young person.

My guess? Most of these people are around 13-19.

There are also very few of them and some of them probably have multiple accounts. Anti-Pridefall accounts outnumber them by far.

However, on Instagram I’ve seen Pridefall accounts following each other and commenting on each other’s posts, so there may be a few groups working together.

A lot of this shit is going to get deleted. I know Instagram is working through reports very slowly right now because they have fewer people available due to COVID-19, but most of the worst accounts I saw last night were deleted by this morning. I saw some more accounts deleted today.

Most, if not all, of these Pridefallers are just trying to scare us. Because they’re probably quite young, there’s very few of them, their accounts keep getting deleted, and law enforcement can track online activity, there is no way they have the balls or resources needed to coordinate major attacks.

There is a very, very slight chance this could spill over into real life, but as long as you practice basic online safety, you will be fine.

That being said, if you are threatened or doxxed by a Pridefall account, PLEASE contact the police. Better safe than sorry.

I do think that the threat of being doxxed or outed is more real than the threat of being attacked. I have already seen one Pridefall account who posted a trans boy’s address on Instagram (he is okay, he posted recently) and another who posted someone else’s address.

There is little chance this will last throughout Pride month. Apparently the goal is for Pridefall to worsen until the end of June, but given that this is most likely just some vastly outnumbered teenage trolls who are bored in quarantine, I seriously doubt they’ll be able to stay interested for a whole month.

This might not be as big on Tumblr. Tumblr is a lot more anonymous than, say, Instagram, which will hopefully deter would-be doxxers. It’s also known to be a highly liberal and queer-friendly site, so any Pridefaller with half a brain cell should know that A) their content is sure to be outnumbered and reported (only us Tumblr users know how bad staff is at deleting questionable stuff), and B) anyone with the original goal of “redpilling” is sure to fail here. Plus, I only remember seeing few, if any, mentions of Tumblr on Pridefall planning threads.

Still, expect to see some Pridefall activity here. Unsurprisingly, not all of these Pridefallers have half a brain cell. Some of them will definitely be unable to resist the lure of a community as openly queer as Tumblr, and we’ve all seen or heard about doxxing, harassment, gore, Nazis, and queerphobes on here. Also, 4chan has historically had some beef with Tumblr, so young teenage boys who idolize 4chan may target us for that reason.

How can I stay safe?

If you have any social media accounts where you A) have posted identifying personal information, and B) are openly supportive of the LGBTQ+ community (especially if you’re queer yourself), put them on private for June. Any other accounts are probably fine to stay public.

If you need a private Tumblr, you can make a password-protected secondary account and only share the password with mutuals you trust.

It is probably okay to be openly queer on a private account (e.g. have pronouns/rainbow emojis in your Instagram bio), since a private account is not likely to be doxxed. But if you want to be extra careful, remove queer identifiers from anything that is publicly visible.

Use Pridefall blocklists. They’re all over Instagram and Twitter. I may repost some here.

Report any Pridefall accounts you see. This is VERY important because this is how we can actually get rid of Pridefall content.

DON’T RESPOND TO ANY PRIDEFALLERS WHO PERSONALLY INTERACT WITH YOU. I know it’s tempting to give a snarky reply, but if they message you, comment on your post, etc, just block them. Seriously, don’t feed the trolls. It's exactly what they want.

Make sure your password game is strong. Use a different password for every site (I know, I know, it sucks), and use passwordmeter.com to test their strength. Write them all down on a piece of paper.

Make sure your username game is strong. Don’t use the same username for multiple sites, and avoid putting personal information in your username, such as your name or birthday.

Do NOT open random links!! Pridefallers could message you links that will give you viruses or track your IP address.

Don’t accept DMs or follows from people you don’t know. Pridefall accounts don’t always look like Pridefall accounts. Some of them are undercover.

Use a VPN. This is probably a little overkill unless you’re particularly at risk of being doxxed, but it will hide your IP address.

Be careful who you interact with. A lot of queer people on Instagram are DMing Pridefall accounts or commenting on their posts, but this could make you a target. As helpful as anti-Pridefall accounts are, you might even be targeted for following those.

Be wary of Pride tags. Unfortunately, a lot of Pridefall accounts plan to infiltrate tags commonly used by queer creators during Pride month. Use discretion when looking for queer content.

Be safe IRL. Lock your doors, lock your windows, be aware of your surroundings, don’t walk alone in poorly lit places, know basic self-defense, etc. Again, I absolutely do not think people will be attacked in real life, but you should be doing this shit all the time, not just in June. Thanks to COVID-19, you’re safer inside anyway!!

Make yourself hard to dox. Even though I have a very unusual first name (it's not really Lia), I am extremely hard to find online. I just went into an incognito browser window and searched my first and last name in quotation marks, but I didn’t find myself until page 4 of Google (and that result wasn’t even posted by me). I’m only half as careful as I could be, but here’s some of the things I do:

-I never use a picture of myself as my profile pic, except for Facebook and Instagram, which are both on the highest privacy settings possible.

-If I post identifying information on a public account (my college, my age, etc), I use a pseudonym or my first name only.

-On Instagram, I only use my first name, and I used special characters to type it, so you won’t find me if you search my name.

-On Facebook, I only accept friend requests from people I know. Most, if not all, of my Instagram followers are IRL friends, friends of IRL friends, and trusted Internet friends.

-If I’m really being paranoid, I’ll make a brand-new email account to sign up for a site. That way, my accounts aren’t all linked through one email address.

-Before I post a picture online, I delete the EXIF data with verexif.com, since EXIF data can hold GPS coordinates.

🌈 Stay safe, everyone.

You will not be harmed. You will be okay. Like cockroaches, we are survivors, and we will get through this!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

-Mod Lia

[sxfik]

darling, you're the one i want

chapter one | two | three ....

read on ao3 • main masterlist • law school masterlist

summary: Kang Sol A was never known for her luck, but she suspected it to be more like a curse when after almost 5 years, she bumps into her rival and the bane of her existence: Attorney Han Joon Hwi. What's worse? She has to work with him and she's sure that she'll either kill him or kiss him before this is all over

After Kang Sol B was freed from the clutched of her mother, her new found freedom spurred her into a night in bed with the mysterious Ji Ho. Yet, when he walks into her office the next day, she is faced with the realization that she is now working with the same man she slept with. What's worse? He's insufferable and she just might have to kiss him to shut him up.

a/n: hello hello! it's been almost a month since i've written a fic and probably even more time since i've truly been active on here. this fic is a product of me, @akinosakiya, @am-bi-vert and @thenerdywriter creating 20 different threads on twitter about an idea (which eventually got turned into a whole group chat just for hc and fic ideas). truly this fic is dedicated to all of them, the hanguk law school gc on tumblr and twitter. this fic is multi-chapter and written from 6 povs (basically it will be pretty long). as always, enjoy!

KANG SOL A was not known for her luck. Maybe it was a curse, or maybe just her destiny to be unlucky in life. She was irrevocably late this morning, despite setting 6 alarms and taking extra care the night before to ensure everything was in order before she left. But of course, in classic Sol A fashion, she was late despite every effort.

She was greeted with the shining sun and chirping birds as she speed walked towards her office building, her hair slightly disheveled in the breeze. Her hand clutched her briefcase as she speed walked towards the office, her lanyard swaying as she moved with purpose.

It had been almost 2 years since she started working for Kang's Toy Co. and 3 years since she graduated from Hanguk Law school. Life had been a rollercoaster since then, an endless ride of ups and downs as she tried to stabilize herself into her new life. She had clawed her way up from the struggle of her 1L year, getting to be an expert on late nights and sleep deprivation. Nonetheless, she graduated with an offer set up at Attorney Park's office which kickstarted her career and her life.

She'd be lying if she said everything was smooth from then on; it was quite the opposite. Just like she predicted, she had to take clients that she disliked and didn't trust, but when you were trying to make rent and put food on the table, it didn't matter. Luckily, she never had to compromise her beliefs too much during those years, and she was able to build her reputation as a trustable and hardworking lawyer in the community.

Soon enough, she was taking on higher profile clients, and gifted with the ability of being picky about who she defended. All of a sudden she was going to events and mingling with the upper class of Seoul. What was a poor girl, raised by a single mother, doing in such a ornate hall, sipping champagne that was worth more than anything she'd ever owned. Yet, those very same events led her to her name twin, Kang Sol B.

Kang Sol B, clean cut and straightforward, was one of her closest friends and CEO of the company she worked for. They met by chance at an event, after a particularly successful case, and somehow, the two women who were so unlike each other, hit it off. They ran into each other by chance again and they met for drinks. Sol B's level-headed, confident attitude balanced her energetic, eager mind. Not to mention, she fit right in with Ye-Seul and her dynamic, the three being thick as thieves. Soon enough, Sol was offered a job at her company as a corporate lawyer and she jumped on the chance at working with her. The rest was, as they say, history.

Shaking off her thoughts, her legs propelled her forward, her vision almost hazy and her mind clouded with the need to rush, rush, rush. The morning was particularly busy, with so many employees rushing into work and walking in their own world. Still, today was especially important as the company is announcing a joint enterprise between two of the biggest toy companies in Seoul. She picked up her pace, nearing the entrance, when, in her frenzy, she crashed into the oncoming figure.

"I'm so—"

"Sorry!"

Her head shot up, her eyes widening at the familiar voice. And there he stood, in all his glory, Han Joon Hwi: Second Round Judicial Exam Passer, and the bane of her existence.

She had the unfortunate luck of meeting Joon Hwi during their 1L, during a particularly intense class where she was grilled to death by her professor. The actual ordeal was a haze, all she could remember was her throat tightening and instant panic flooding her mind and body. Joon hwi, thinking himself some kind of knight-in-shining armor, swooped in to save her, answering in her stead.

And then, he decided to rival her during one of their constitutional code classes, arguing in favor of a law that was, in her mind, despicable. "You have to look at it in perspective," he coolly replied to her smoldering anger when she questioned him on how he could support such a thing. It was set in stone, then, that Kang Sol A did not like Han Joon Hwi.

From the moment they met, it was like he was specifically designed to drive her crazy. The way he smirked, the way his whip smart comebacks would leave her stumped, the way his arms filled out that stupid white shirt, the way he'd look at her like he could see right through her. Just about everything about him made her want to scream.

Dislike was an understatement when it came to Joon Hwi. It was more like a never ending annoyance, his presence and every move frustrating her, making her lungs tight and her heart race with exasperation and irritation.

She was nicknamed Lady Justice, after a particular comment from Joon Hwi himself. If it was to shame her, it clearly didn't work as it only fueled her headstrong attitude. In fact, it spurred her into more arguments with the illustrious Joon Hwi, the temperature constantly rising as they would circle each other and argue until their lungs burned and they were breathing heavy. The whole school would gather to see them spar, the tension so thick that they wouldn't notice the crowd they would draw as soon as the two would even look at each other.

He was the genius of her school, that much she couldn't deny. Still, the what he said about her in their final year...

His hand gripped her wrist, startling her out of her thoughts in an attempt to support her, and his warm touch seared into her cold skin as he pulled her up slightly. Joon Hwi blinked back at her, his face shocked before settling into a familiar smirk that drove her up the wall.

"Long time no see, huh, Lady Justice?" his eyebrow quirked up slightly as he took her in, and the scowl settled into her face. Like this day could have gotten any worse, it was just her luck to meet him.

"Not quite long enough, Attorney Han," she quipped back, snapping her arm away from his grip. She blew out a soft breath, in an attempt to get her bangs out of her eyes to face him properly. He continued to look down at her, his eyes never leaving her face as he chuckled in response.

He didn't look any different than he did 3 years ago, except that his shoulders had grown broader, his chest a little firmer. He wore a black coat, and underneath, his signature black suit that he had worn during his internships during school. His hair was styled differently, now styled up rather than down in bangs that used to give him an innocent look back in their law school years. It suited him.

"So, you work for Kang now?" he asked her, rushing forward to catch up with her fast pace. Her hand gripped tighter on her bag as she picked up her pace, trying her best to not let his sudden presence taint her morning.

"No, I'm definitely just walking towards the building with the large sign that says KANG TOY CO. for absolutely no reason," she replied, her voice laced with impatience.

"You haven't changed one bit, Kang Sol," he laughed, tilting his head forward, blinking and looking at her as if he knew something she didn't.

She paused in her tracks, looking up to the man who scrambled to turn to face her. "Why are you here, Joon Hwi?" she asked him, suspicious of his sudden presence.

He raised an eyebrow in response, and she could feel the irritation build in her chest as she looked up at him, impossibly confused. They stayed in place, their feet glued to the pavement and she forgot all about her earlier mission to get to her office asap. His face hadn't changed too much from their school days, his expression overflowing with mirth and mischief. But his face did hold a tiredness that wasn't seen before, as if the time has taken a toll on him. What happened to you, Han Joon Hwi, for your face to hold exhaustion that was never seen before?

"You'll find out," he replied curtly, before spinning back and walking towards the building. Her office building. She rushed forward now, trying to catch up with him as she looked up curiously, but he avoided her looks as they walked into the office.

They marched on in, flashing her badge at the entrance of the office, and Joon hwi, somehow, managed to follow. Did he start working here and never let her know? Does he even work as a lawyer? How could she not know? She let out a deep breath, trying to calm her racing mind as she walked into the elevator, and he marched in right by her side.

People filed in one after the other into the elevator, everyone in their morning rush to get to their cubicles and start their days. The elevators was filled to the brim, yet Kang Sol was still aware of Joon Hwi's presence, almost like her mind was blaring an alarm that He wasn't supposed to be here.

She momentarily shut her brain off, a task that she trained herself on after her struggles in her 1L, choosing to focus on the people milling around the elevator. Her eyes would flit through every person, and then the ceiling, and most importantly, she refused to let her mind stray to Han Joon Hwi, despite the curiosity eating her from the inside out.

The elevator was next to empty when she reached her floor, and she picked up her pace as she marched out of the elevator before he could. Sol kept her gaze trained ahead, but her body was feeling for the presence of someone else marching behind her.

Somehow, he managed to get ahead, probably with those stupidly long legs of his. His hand jutted out to open the door to the meeting room, and he paused, turning slightly towards her.

"Ladies first," he said, his expression almost neutral. If it wasn't for the slight crinkle near his eyes as he smiled, she would have taken the gesture as genuine and not intended to mock her. The gesture morphed from chivalry to a taunt that he knew something she didn't.

"Thank you, Attorney Han," she shot him a tight smile, before marching her way towards her teammates.

Ye-seul, her best friend and fellow lawyer, caught Sol's gaze and patted to the seat next to her and finally, Sol sank down into her chair, letting out a final sigh of relief.

"You're only a couple minutes late, the director isn't here yet," she said, taking a sip from her hot coffee. Ye-seul narrowed her eyes at her, and then looked up at Joon Hwi, before looking back down at her.

"Oh thank god," Sol, opened up her briefcase, getting out one of her legal pads and a pen incase she needed to take notes, as she expertly avoided her best friend's questioning gaze. The silence between them stretched, as Sol tapped her pen against the paper impatiently and Ye-seul let her gaze bore into her.

"Why was Han Joon–"

"Good morning," the baritone voice of Director Yang boomed across the meeting room, his voice loud despite the lack of a microphone. "Let's go through this meeting smoothly, as it is a very important day for both Kang Toy Co and Seo Media. Today, we have gathered to announce a collaboration for a toy line between both companies."

Applause filled the room as the director paused, looking at each team assembled in the room. Oh. So that's why Han Joon Hwi is here.

"As such, we will be needing our talented lawyer teams from both companies to help draw the legal terms and details between the two companies, as well as negotiate the terms for the toy line itself. This is an exciting time for both companies and we hope that this partnership is fruitful for both parties. Now, I will be announcing the teams and their assignments for this coming quarter and in preparation for the toy line itself," he paused, flipping through the notes he held at the center of the room.

"I'm proud to announce that Attorney Kang Sol and Team One from Kang Toys will be working with Attorney Han Joon Hwi and Team One from Seo Media." Sol's eyes shot up to Joon hwi, both their eyes wide with surprise. "Your teams will be heading the terms of the collaboration as well as working closely with both CEOs for any legal issues that come up," Director Yang nodded to both parties, before continuing down his list.

Her eyes were still on his, her mouth close to gaping open before she quickly shut it and avoided his gaze. Out of all the people, it had to be her that was paired up with him.

Kang Sol A had bad luck, indeed, but she was starting to think it was more like a curse instead.

[morethanonepage]

what would you say are the dynamics and themes that interest you most? Also frankly I'm surprised you read any star wars fic still, I agree on just wanting to read some good finnpoe but that has gotten increasingly futile.

i mean the thing i potentially like so much about finnpoe is that they BOTH have very specific, in some ways very different traumas (finn being a child soldier and growing up in such a highly regulated way where he had basically no bodily autonomy VS poe being mind-raped AND seeing his inability to stop it as having betrayed his own people AND seeing so many of his friends & comrades die in quick succession AND still recovering from the loss of his mother as a child and Muran when he was commanding Rapier Squadron) but they both have a tendency to compartmentalize that and continue to function on their own while being loyal (Finn’s devotion to Rey, which gets a lot of flack in fandom but like -- that’s one of the first people he’s been able to form a connection with!! AND I think he lowkey feels that it’s his fault Rey got dragged into -- everything, so he feels a great deal of responsibility for protecting her) and passionate about a cause (Poe basically killing himself to keep the Ideals Of The Republic Alive, be it through trying to hunt down the FO before he’s even part of the Resistance, to doing everything he can to keep the Resistance afloat once he is). 

like they have those similarities -- a real sense of duty and responsibility toward their friends and those they’re fighting with -- but they have fundamental differences in approach that the movies did a shitty job of extrapolating on when it could’ve been such an interesting conflict: Poe is the idealist and thinks of duty to a higher ideal first and foremost (like Leia and his mother, tbh) whereas Finn is more of a pessimist and a cynic and believes protecting your friends and loved ones from the substantial evil is hard enough without setting up to FIGHT ALL OF THE BAD IN THE UNIVERSE like Poe wants/believes he has to do. and both of these things are based so much on their upbringings! Poe grew up with those ideals and freedoms and parents who fought, successfully, to protect them, and believes he owes it to them to live up to their example and protect them as well; Finn has SEEN the evil of the FO firsthand and seen everyone around him subsumed by it, believes it to be omnipotent bc for him and his squad mates it literally was. escaping all of that was an act of powerful resistance on its own!

idk i just think a lot of the fandom’s take on this is, if you focus on finn ~running away~ in canon or not wanting to join up with the Resistance just ‘cause it’s ~the right thing to do~ you’re feeding into this idea of black men being cowards and/or selfish when it’s like no! that’s the consequence of his trauma: he’s running away from an abuser who controlled every aspect of his life, who’s set up to hunt him down and destroy planets and take over the universe in a way that’ll mean he’s NEVER safe, and he knows every single person he grew up with and had some affection for are a part of it too, which on the one hand he might be reluctant to fight them, but on the other they 100% won’t be reluctant to fight him AND they know him well enough to know his weaknesses. 

all of this is A LOT and it’s heavy and dark stuff, which i GET can be hard to work into like, light fluffy fic about finn finally being happy or learning what sex is or w/e, and not everything about fanfic has to be a ~deep exploration~ of character’s inner turmoil but like -- idk. there’s ways of dealing with these elements of finn’s backstory without making the whole thing drudging tragedy porn (which is ANOTHER fanfic trend i can’t stand -- neither Finn nor Poe are characters entirely without hope and fics that treat either of their tragedies [lbr it’s mostly poe’s that get dealt with] as the focus or main characteristic of either also bum me out) and I just really wish fandom had more interest in it. 

Another factor that KILLS ME is how Poe has (justifiably) developed OBVIOUS distrust for the force and force users, and would have such a fundamentally hard time dealing with the fact that Finn is one. Canon didn’t even let Finn be explicitly force sensitive, and fandom is like YAY FINN IS FORCE SENSITIVE, NOW HE CAN USE THE FORCE TO BONE (POE), and any fic that does touch on it makes Poe out to be ~unreasonable for not trusting Finn, or having his distrust be a consequence of his PTSD alone, and a sign he has to deal with his shit VS a very real issue that Poe might genuinely not be able to get over: the force CAN be creepy and is too easy to abuse, and a lot of what Poe’s seen it used for WAS bad. 

the other dimension of all this is, accidentally or not, these dynamics take on all sorts of real-world implications given both actor’s identities -- the explicit parallels between Finn’s upbringing and chattel slavery (taken from his family at an early age, losing all connection with his birthplace and culture, seen as useful but dispensable by an oppressive, mostly-white empire)  & its legacy for Black Americans (that lack of connection with a historical homeland and the loss of a cultural connection that came from it) VS the first generation latinx immigrant narrative that Poe and his family embody (the sacrifice for and long separation from a child in the service of giving them a better life, the burden that child takes upon themselves to make that sacrifice worth it by excelling in certain spheres, the drive to be the VERY BEST representative of their new culture, the embrace of that culture’s ideals bc they don’t want to think their parents sacrificed everything for a lie [with the creeping knowledge and experience to know many of those ideals are flawed and not always lived up to]). 

and the canon ignores that bc addressing it would require world building that couldn’t center/come back to the Skywalkers in some way (and the only family dynamics it’s interested in is DADDY ISSUES, fucking Free Fall), and fandom doesn’t care about it bc it’s mostly white girls who, AT BEST, decide to focus on the potential ~sexuality conflicts (coming out, family rejection, etc) when writing real world AUS, without dealing with the intersectionality of a black and a brown man, their respective cultural context, and the resultant conflicts those would create beyond, idk, “POCs are always homophobic so finn and/or poe’s parents kicked them out or w/e”.  and like I really don’t WANT these people trying to grapple with the complexity of a queer, interracial relationship where neither participant is white (i’ve seen enough just watching them grapple with either character’s sexuality tbh). 

but idk, that’s what’s interesting to me: finn and poe’s backgrounds and how those set up fundamental conflict points for both of them, both in canon (Poe’s devotion to the cause of liberty and democracy for the whole galaxy VS Finn’s duty to the people he loves over anything else) and in a real world au (Black people have a fundamentally different relationship to the American Ideal than Latinx immigrants do, for very good reasons). And I want those things to be significant elements of the characterization for both, but not the ONLY elements of characterization for both: stories should, in even some small way, be about what characters WANT (even if it is just “to fuck,” as it often is when I write [ok it’s usually “to love but be able to show it without saying it, hence the fucking”]) and so few fics, these days, give me any sense of what finn and poe want besides, vaguely “each other” (”because the author feels like they have to write them bc the actors are hot/for woke points”) and that is just -- boring to me. 

also god i would just love to read some dialogue that isn’t just twitter/tumblr memes and/or mcu level mean quips. like, just in general. 

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Hiding in Plain Sight (1)- Tom Holland X Reader

Word Count-1792

A/N: This was inspired by this wonderful post by @starsholland. Without it this would not be happening. This will be a multi part fic, but I don’t know how many chapters or when it will be posted so if you’d like to be tagged let me know:)  Welcome to Tom being undercover on Tumblr. Quick notes- Y/T/B = Your Tumblr Blog, Y/A is your age :)

“You’re not going to make me go undercover on Tumblr are you?” Tom asks as they hook up the mike to his white t-shirt. “I’ve heard dangerous things about that site.”

“No, no. We’re sticking to Reddit, Twitter, Youtube. Maybe some Quora and IMDB.” The redheaded assistant sitting across from him states as she places the GQ laptop across from him. Tom sees Harrison’s shoulders silently moving up and down, laughing at the idea of him having to go undercover on the site that he had been telling horror stories of for weeks leading up to this interview. “If any of these don’t sound good to you, we can skip them.”

“No, those sound fine.” Tom says. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

“Camera A ready?” She asks the camera man sitting diagonally from where she is. In response she gets a nod. “Tom when you’re ready say something like I’m Tom Holland and I’m going undercover on the internet to answer your questions. It’s actually me. Something like that.”

From across the room Harrison watches as Tom flows through the questions easily, hoping from site to site with better technical luck than he normally has. He can guess that some of the answers will be giffed and blasted around social media within minutes of this interview going live. It would shock him if it didn’t.

“Check it out mate.” On his screen flashes Tom saying I drink tea darling over and over again. “Your fans love it. Which is good, seeing how upset a lot of them are over the Disney/Sony thing.”

“Where is this?”

“Your favorite site.”

“Instagram?”

“Tumblr.” Tom rolls his eyes and falls back into the couch.

“Why are you even on there?”

“Why aren’t you? So many fangirls, so little time.” Tom shoots a dirty look at Harrison. “But in all seriousness, there’s a lot of great reactions and gifs that you can only find on Tumblr. You should check it out.” Tom reaches for Harrison’s computer but he pulls away. “Make your own account. It costs nothing.”

“Ugh, fine.” Pulling his phone out of his pocket, downloads the app and creates an account. Expecting one of the fangirls to have already have taken his common username, he’s surprised to be able to fill out the form with tomholland2013 as his username. Will that seem too much like him? Who knows. It’s not like he’s planning to actually use this site. He just using it to see what Harrison wants him to see. “What do I look up?”

“Just search the hashtag Tom Holland and look under recent for the most recent stuff. Most of it is your undercover interview. Or you can look under the Tom Holland top posts and see what your fans are obsessed with.” Tom is on the main page and sees a suggestion of blogs. A lot of them have his name intertwined in them with his picture as the profile picture. Guess it wouldn’t hurt to follow some blogs while he’s on here? 

The first one he follows is @starsholland who seems to write fanfictions about him but also shares a lot of marvel pictures. By clicking follow it brings up a lot of suggested blogs to follow. He clicks on @tonguetiedholland and sees another fanfiction writer but also a lot of posts between them and other bloggers. “Is this site just fanfiction?”

“No, there’s pictures and edits and stuff too. Why? You only interested in the fanfiction?”

“I only seem to find fanfictions.” Tom replies as he clicks on a blog called @tomhollandsstan, finding a mix of fanfictions, pictures and conversations. However his eyes scroll through one of the fics and find something much more raunchy than he anticipated finding. “Holy hell. What are they writing all of this about?”

“Reading something steamy Tommy?” Harrison teases. Tom feels his face flush with the embarrassment of knowing that there are girls and guys out there picturing stuff like this with him as the main feature. 

“I’m getting off this site. It’s bloody porn.”

“No wait, you’ve just stumbled down the wrong path. Let me send you some blogs to look at.” Harrison pulls up some of the ones that are mostly pictures and reactions. “What’s your tumblr handle? I’ll send them to you?”

“Tomholland2013.”

“Really? It wasn’t taken?”

“Nope.”

“See how long it stays secretive.”

“I don’t plan on using it.” Tom says as he hits follow on some of the other blogs that Harrison sent him, including one that was @Y/T/B. He found himself scrolling through it a little more in depth than he had with any of the other pages he had been on. The posts and your reactions were more what he expected of tumblr. Glee filled, but not thirsty. Hitting follow was a no brainer.

Across the country, your phone lights up as you get a notification from Tumblr. You’re about to swipe it away, since your day is currently going down hill as the recipes you’re in the middle of trying out are turning into pinterest fails. Also you should have checked before you started baking a cake that you had powdered sugar to make frosting, so you’ll have to do another pinterest deep dive for a frosting recipe since you can’t use your tried and true recipe.

However, the name on the notification catches your eye- Tomholland2013 has followed you. Wow someone finally snatched the name. There had been jokes around the fandom for months that someone should snag the name so Tom could have it whenever or if-ever he decided to join tumblr. But it seems someone has decided to be Tom. Whoever it is though seems to enjoy your posts because they’re liking your posts in succession. While your stand mixer whirls, you open to their blog and see there’s nothing there. Not even a banner or an icon photo. They must be a super new blog. You back out of their blog and almost back out of the app when you see a message from this Tom Holland wanna be.

From: Tomholland2013

I really like all your edits of Tom. Can I use one as my profile pic? X

You pause for a second before replying. This person wasn’t the first to ask to use one of your edits as a profile picture. Why does this feel different though? It has to just be because of the name. You click to reply to the ask.

I’m so surprised someone finally took the name. Me and @imanativeofswlondondahling had a bet going on for how long it was going to stay open in case Tom wanted it. Anyway, feel free to use my edits, or if you have a favorite picture of Tom, send it my way and I’ll make an edit for you.

You hit send on the ask before you can change your mind and then you turn back to your cake- which has probably been overwhipped now.

“Do I have a favorite picture of Tom?” Tom mumbles to himself as he reads over your reply. He’d love to see something that was made for him, but that means finding a picture of himself that he wants edited. “Harrison, com’ere mate. Take a selfie with me.”

“What’s this for?” Harrison asks before posing. @Y/T/B wouldn’t know this was just a selfie. You’d probably think he just did a Google deep dive.

“Need a profile picture. For my blog.” Tom teases, before clicking back to his messages on tumblr. There has to be a way to send a direct message instead of an ask like he did before. He had been planning to use an edit you had done of him saying I drink tea darling, but he wasn’t going to toss up having a custom made icon. After fiddling around on the app for a few minutes Tom finally figures out how to send a message and sends the picture he had snapped with Harrison a few minutes earlier. He tacks on a quick message asking her to do whatever she wants with the picture and to take as long as she wants and or needs. After hitting send, he clicks back to your blog's main page, trying to learn more about you.

At the top of your page, simply stated, it reads Y/N, Y/A, Tom Holland Fan. Well that does tell him you’re around his age, so that makes him feel less like a creeper. He wants to know everything he can about you, but all he can find through scrolling is mainly, well him. He can’t explain why, but there’s a sort of pull towards you from what he can find in your messages to other people and responding to anon messages, you seem like someone he’d want to be friends with. You have a great sense of humor and make jokes as often as you can in your messages. 

“Haz, can I turn on notifications for, like a certain blog?” Tom calls across the living room.

“Thought you weren’t going to use it.”

“There’s a couple blogs I like.”

“Sure, let me show you.” Tom passes his phone over and watches as Harrison turns on notifications for your blog. “Oh she’s great. Her reactions when news is posted is great.” A notification pops up on your screen. “Apparently she just posted.”

A cake maker I am not destined to be. Gordon Ramsay will make an idiot sandwich out of me.

A picture of a very sad looking cake appears under her text. “Maybe she should stick to making edits.” Harrison jokes. 

“Mate, that’s rude.”

“But it’s not wrong. Plus it’s not like yours would look much better.”

“Mine would be worse.” Taking his phone back, he clicks on the comment bubble and types out: looks better than anything I would make X His inbox dings a couple moments later. 

How have I never seen this photo of Harrison and Tom? Did it get posted while I was attempting to bake?

I think it’s an old photo. Found it on my phone. X And technically that’s not a lie.

Well I’ll hop on that edit. Any colors you prefer?

Blue or Red would be good I guess. X

I’ll get right on that. What’s with all the x’s?

Oh it’s a European thing. It’s just how we sign off texts and messagesX

If it’s annoying I can try and not do it?X

It’s fine. Just didn’t know why it was there. 

Do you think Tom does it?

Oh most definitely. What kind of Brit would he be if he didn’t?X

Well I’ll go get on the edit, hopefully I’ll have it done in the next day or so

No hurryX

Thanks againX

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 21.5

Hello my lovelies! I hope you guys are doing... ok? 2020 been a shitty year for all of us, so it’s ok if you aren’t ok. Just keep on keeping on. Last week was an awful week for me, which is why this episode didn’t get posted then. But I think it works out, because this episode is better than it was last week. So win win.

Also, I am HORRIBLE at remembering to thank the amazing people that help me beta this story. At least publically. So thank you to @nomadicpixel​ @heather-lynn​ @mrs-captain-evans​ and @alievans007​ for their continued support for this story.

One last thing, I’m using my new tag list for this episode. So if you used to be tagged for these and you aren’t anymore but you want to be, let me know and I’ll add you to the new tag list.

♥ Becca ♥

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in July 2014 and features Chris trying to decide to text Ellie on her birthday or not.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 21

Episode 21.5: To Text or Not to Text

July 17-18, 2014

Chris was on his way to the studio when the calendar on his phone alerted him to the fact that it was Ellie's birthday. With a busy day ahead of him, never mind the time difference, he ignored it.

Or tried to.

During his breaks in filming, he found his mind going back to Ellie and how they had celebrated her birthday last year. That night he'd seen her in a new light. And not in the cliché girl next door wears a pretty dress way; he'd already known she was pretty. That was obvious, just by looking at her.

But until that night, they hadn’t spent a lot of time together without the chaos of his family around. He’d realized Ellie was a woman who was simply herself and didn't want to be anyone else. A rare trait to find amongst the women he'd met in Los Angeles. It had made him want to get to know her even better.

One moment that stood out to him the most was when the paparazzi had spoiled their evening out. Instead of seeking attention or even getting upset, Ellie had taken it all in stride and they'd ended up having a fun night back at the house with Scott and Izzy playing Cards Against Humanity. He knew that their siblings would have rather been out dancing, but they had been celebrating Ellie's birthday and she'd been happy with the way the night had gone. That was all that had mattered.

Which made him wonder. Was there anything he could do this year that would make her happy? He doubted it.

Except maybe die a slow and painful death, his cynical mind offered.

Chris shook his head; despite her feelings about him at the moment, he knew she wouldn’t want him dead. If only because of how it would affect his family.

But regardless, he wasn’t even sure what he’d say to Ellie if he decided to text her.

I know I’ve ignored you for 3 months but happy birthday.

He was sure it would read even dumber than it sounded in his head. Which was why during his lunch break, he'd stared at the row with her name on it in his messages app but hadn't been able to open the string of texts. In the end, he'd locked his phone and went to have lunch with his co-stars and friends.

Now it was the end of his very full day, or rather, the early hours of the next day. But, with the time difference, it was still Ellie’s birthday in LA.

Chris had accepted Robert’s invitation for a late dinner then had gone to a pub with some of the others and only now was back in his rental. He’d been able to divert his attention in the afternoon regarding Ellie, but now that he was alone again it all came flooding back to him.

To text or not to text. That was the question.

He'd had plenty to drink that evening; enough that he was seriously tempted to let his thumbs do the talking. And yet, that sense of doubt lingered in his head about the whole situation. Clearly, he was sober enough to think rationally.

As he was debating what to do, his phone dinged, alerting him to a text message from his brother. Cautiously, Chris opened the text, unsure of what he was going to find.

I won't bug you about Ellie anymore

Chris set his phone down and rubbed his eyes before he picked it up and read Scott's text again, but it hadn’t changed. His brother had been bugging him about Ellie since April, even ignoring Chris's request to drop the subject.

"So why the sudden fucking change?" Chris muttered to himself as he studied his phone.

As he stared at it, another text from Scott appeared.

It's probably too late for you guys anyway

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Chris demanded, aloud.

The logical side of his brain screamed that it was a trap. That Scott was trying to use reverse psychology on him in another attempt to get Chris to talk to Ellie.

But what if he wasn't?

Chris wasn't sure if the feeling in his gut was unease or a sign that his dinner and drinks after weren’t sitting well. He wanted to believe it was the second, but he couldn't lie to himself, he'd been feeling uneasy all day.

He remembered how disappointed he'd felt on his birthday when Ellie hadn't reached out to him. At the same time, he couldn't blame her for not reaching out after the way he'd left town. He wished he could go back and do it all over again but differently. To tell her he needed space, that he needed time to think.

"It's probably too late for you guys anyway," he heard Scott taunt in his head.

Was it too late? Had she moved on? Or had she just given up on him? Or did she think he'd given up on her?

That last thought made him frown. Had he given up on her? He supposed he had. He'd abandoned her and their relationship. He knew he'd hurt her, even though that hadn't been his intention. His brother hadn't held back when telling him in aggravating detail just how he'd fucked up Ellie's life.

Shaking his head, Chris locked his phone and plugged it into his charger. While he wasn't drunk, he wasn't sober enough to deal with anything right now. The last thing he wanted to cause Ellie was more pain, especially on her birthday. He couldn't see how texting her after three months of silence would do anything good for either of them.

Besides, who would benefit from the message? It might make him feel better and ease his conscience for the way he'd walked away, but at what cost? He knew Scott would be doing everything in his power to make sure Ellie had a good birthday. What right did he have to interrupt a special day to lessen his guilt?

Episode 22

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

Tag List: @nomadicpixel​, @heather-lynn​, @alievans007​, @mrs-captain-evans​, @stopjustlovethemcu​, @thewannabewriter​, @guera31​, @badassbaker​, @chezdricks​, @patzammit​, @katiew1973​, @zoeloveschrisevans​, @marvelouspottering​, @pegasusdragontiger​, @smoothdogsgirl​, @peaceinourtime82​, @ek823​, @anionthewrite​, @mizzzpink​, @giftofdreams​, @janeyboo​, @princess-evans-addict​, @jesseswartzwelder​, @avenger-nerd-mom​, @furrywerewolfcollector​, @ladyamandapanda12​, @gigglegirl77​, @poisonedyouth-americanbeauty​​

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[lightsonparkave]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LIGHTS ON PARK AVE! WE’RE OFFICIALLY A ONE-YEAR-OLD BABY (our birthday was on the 22nd). Join the celebrations by submitting a work! There’s one week left until Round 12 closes on August 31, and you have 80 prompts to choose from. There are no minimum work requirements or limit to how many works you can submit.

Not sure you can finish your work in time? Little messages are great presents too. What has the past year of Lights on Park Ave been like for you? Do you have a favorite prompt or round? A favorite LoPA work? Want to make a rec list of your favorites or wax poetic and show some love for a specific work and/or creator? Go for it. Let the Steve/Tony community know! The LoPA askbox is open or if you want to make your own Tumblr post or tweet, you can mention @lightsonparkave or tag #lightsonparkave. Whatever method you choose, I’ll make sure to share your message/post on here and Twitter.

Or maybe you’re not up to making anything this time. In that case, let’s take a walk down memory lane. Here are all 46 Lights on Park Ave works for previous rounds.

ART

3490 & 616

A comparison between 616 Civil War and universe 3490 where the war was averted by the marriage of Steve Rogers and Natasha Stark - @jarvisuanddumetoo​

ANY UNIVERSE

A framed portrait of a smiling Tony, drawn and signed by Steve - @hundredthousands

Steve steals his husband’s helmet and gives his king a springtime crown - @starksnack

AU

Tin soldier Steve and ballerina Tony dancing - @jarvisuanddumetoo

BATTLEWORLD

Steve watching Tony flying in on the battlefield - @thingexplainer

MCU

Old Steve holding flowers and seeing a blue butterfly after Tony’s death - @hundredthousands

So much of life feels like drowning... but when I’m with you my troubles recede like waves on the shore - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Stranger Things AU where Steve is the one who was experimented on in a lab and doesn’t understand pop culture and Tony is the guy with no powers who is still doing his best to fight these weird new aliens - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Steve and a dandelion that represents him weathering all his hardships over the years - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Tony on fire and Steve’s reaction - @jarvisuanddumetoo

Steve crying while holding Tony’s helmet after Tony’s funeral - @noririna

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You’re a hero. - @starksnack

ULTIMATES

Steve and Tony leaving marks on each other’s bodies that are only visible in the dark - @sirsapling Ults Steve and Tony are tragically bound to one another. They can always feel the trace of each others hands, it leaves an invisible mark they will cary with them till there is nothing left. Only a ghost of something lost in the chaos of the past.

FIC

1872

Say My Name - @citsiurtlanu Steve reminds Tony that there's more to him than the war his weapons were used in.

616

Snow Day - @captainneverever The Avengers think that Steve and Tony got engaged at the annual holiday party. It’s news to Steve and Tony.

Kiss me rough before you go - erde Tony is dying. His life is slipping away and Steve wants to be better than this, but he can't quite manage the feat. Tony's war has made a bitter man out of him, a lesser man.

Boys, boys, boys - Missy_dee811 (@viudanegraaa) (AU) Steve keeps putting off his oil change. Finally deciding to see the mechanic in town.

Without the rusty music of my machine - Missy_dee811 (@viudanegraaa)  Tony was lying on the hood of his car. He had taken off his leather jacket, gently folded it in half, and draped it across the windshield so he could rest his arms on the supple leather.

Muddy Waters - RossKL (@but-damn-is-he-lovable) (also on Tumblr) Tony bleeds. It's not real.

ANY

(A Dream is) A Wish Your Heart Makes - @helovedyou Cool evenings together and laughing free and all the nice things Tony never thought he’d get

Afternoon Off - Neverever (@captainneverever) Freedom is just another word for getting with your boyfriend on the downlow during a mission.

BULLET POINTS

Those We Were (For A While) - sadisticsparkle The blueprints hadn’t prepared Tony for the light bouncing off the battered metal, for the empty stare of its empty eye sockets or the dim circle in the middle of the chest. He traced its lines with his gaze, remembering every day he had spent hunched over the schematics picking its inner workings and every night he had spent sprawled under its pilot letting him take Tony apart.

MCU

border state - @areiton (also on Tumblr) They exist in the in between.

star crossed - @areiton (also on Tumblr) "The gods made the stars,” you whisper, a lifetime ago, a heartbeat ago, now, “and they were so bright, so beautiful and strong, that they ripped them in two. And half of ‘em fell to earth, and woke from the dust and walked as men.”

this is how - @areiton (also on Tumblr) This is how the world ends: Gaps in the code.

kiss me hard before you go - duckmoles​ & starxreactor (AU) “I love you, you know that?” Tony says just after popping another grape into Steve’s mouth. He watches as Steve’s jaw works, chewing and then swallowing. Steve smiles up at Tony with a bright, toothy grin. “I love you, too.” “I’m going to miss you,” Tony continues. “I’m going to call you everyday, okay? And—and, during the holidays I’ll show up at your house and we can—we can—sit together on the balcony, and—” The last day of summer, and it's time to hold on to what you might lose.

No Winter Lasts Forever - Fluffypanda (@ayapandagirl) Steve stopped, white breath clouding the air around him, to look at the little shoots of green and purple peeking out from the scant layer of snow left on the ground.

snippet of a post-apocalyptic A/B/O AU WIP - Fluffypanda (@ayapandagirl) Steve’s fingers traced the bite, a half-moon of red marks, from in front of the largest mirror he’d ever seen.

the first blush of morning - Fluffypanda (@ayapandagirl) (AU) The sun rises on the Atlantic ocean and Steve isn't alone - or is he?

Santa Paws - @heartsandmuses [I]f there were two things the public couldn’t get enough of, it was cute puppies and shirtless Captain America — and Tony, ever the philanthropist, decided to give the people exactly what they wanted, right on Christmas morning.

Philautia - @helovedyou Tony dies and Steve keeps on living. Well. He doesn’t die. Living might be a bit of a generous term

To the Victor - @helovedyou There are rainbows flying and people hugging and others ranting and raving, spittle flying, he thinks this. We have won this, this tiny victory.

Snippet of a WIP set post-IW - @ishipallthings The numbers keep climbing, for hours, in the aftermath.

Shuffle Off This Mortal Coil - jellybeanforest (@jellybeanforest-a-go-go) (also a Cap-IM Bingo 2020 round 1 fic) Tony hadn’t been a cruel man, but he had been a practical one. Or: In his twilight years, concerned about how his slow-aging possibly-immortal husband will adjust to his death, Tony builds an AI version of himself that he updates nightly, intending for it to keep Steve company after he’s gone. When the inevitable comes to pass, Steve doesn’t know what to make of the AI or whether its presence lessens his grief or makes it significantly worse. He’s leaning towards the latter.

Five Bells - @lazywriter7 (also on Tumblr) After returning the Stones, Steve takes a detour through time.

if we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious - @littlemissstark forgiveness. The salty air was intense enough to wake Steve up completely, snapping any left over drowsiness away. He was alert despite the sky still being a shade of navy that tapered into a purple at the sea’s horizon. The world was still dormant, but Steve couldn’t stay asleep – not when he woke to coldness on the right side of the bed and empty arms.

In My Hands and Gone Again - @nostalgicatsea (also on Tumblr) Memories were like fish, Tony had explained, or the tease of one. A flash of silver, and his hands would plunge down. Sometimes he would catch one; other times, it would dart out of reach. He wouldn’t be sure whether it had been real or just a trick of the light, after.

Leaving You Forward - @nostalgicatsea (AU) It would be easy, staying here like this with Tony. But Steve knew he couldn't—because he had never taken the easy way out and because he loved Tony.

i choose: me, you, us - @onlymorelove (also a Cap-IM Remix Madness 2020 fic) “We, uh. We’ve been together five years, and you’ve never— I’ve never let you see it. I told you I’d let you see it on our wedding night.” In which Tony and Steve marry, but Tony hasn't let Steve see the arc reactor—and the scars around it. Yet.

best of summers gone - rosycheeked (@lovelyisthedawn) Tony's favorite month has always been August.

when we all fall asleep - rosycheeked (@lovelyisthedawn) Tony wakes up and questions why Steve loves him. It's a surprisingly complex question for such a simple answer.

you anchor me (back down) - rosycheeked (@lovelyisthedawn) Steve still loves Tony, no matter what mask he’s wearing. He’ll never tell Tony that, though. He’s read enough books and watched enough movies to know that it only ends well when it’s just a story. Or, everyone needs an anchor sometimes, and Steve and Tony just happen to be each others’.

take me to the feeling - smalltonystark (@theotherwasdeath​) Steve looks gorgeous in the lights. He always looks stunning, but here, late at night, in the faint glow from the streetlamps underneath them and underneath the stars, he looks magnificent.

POETRY

A Toast to Cold, Hard Facts - @onlymorelove (also on Tumblr) The world is brutal and coarse, but...

Love was fading stars - @onlymorelove (also on AO3) Blackout poetry based on “Failing and Flying” by Jack Gilbert on top of an original print.

not married - @onlymorelove (also on Tumblr) Grief works in mysterious ways.

[tswiftdaily]

In the 2010s, she went from country superstar to pop titan and broke records with chart-topping albums and blockbuster tours. Now Swift is using her industry clout to fight for artists’ rights and foster the musical community she wished she had coming up.

One evening in late-October, before she performed at a benefit concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, Taylor Swift’s dressing room became -- as it often does -- an impromptu summit of music’s biggest names. Swift was there to take part in the American Cancer Society’s annual We Can Survive concert alongside Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Camila Cabello and others, and a few of the artists on the lineup came by to visit.

Eilish, along with her mother and her brother/collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, popped in to say hello -- the first time she and Swift had met. Later, Swift joined the exclusive club of people who have seen Marshmello without his signature helmet when the EDM star and his manager stopped by.

“Two dudes walked in -- I didn’t know which one was him,” recalls Swift a few weeks later, sitting on a lounge chair in the backyard of a private Beverly Hills residence following a photo shoot. Her momentary confusion turned into a pang of envy. “It’s really smart! Because he’s got a life, and he can get a house that doesn’t have to have a paparazzi-proof entrance.” She stops to adjust her gray sweatshirt dress and lets out a clipped laugh.

Swift, who will celebrate her 30th birthday on Dec. 13, has been impossibly famous for nearly half of her lifetime. She was 16 when she released her self-titled debut album in 2006, and 20 when her second album, Fearless, won the Grammy Award for album of the year in 2010, making her the youngest artist to ever receive the honor. As the decade comes to a close, Swift is one of the most accomplished musical acts of all time: 37.3 million albums sold, according to Nielsen Music; 95 entries on the Billboard Hot 100 (including five No. 1s); 23 Billboard Music Awards; 12 Country Music Association Awards; 10 Grammys; and five world tours.

She also finishes the decade in a totally different realm of the music world from where she started. Swift’s crossover from country to pop -- hinted at on 2012’s Red and fully embraced on 2014’s 1989 -- reflected a mainstream era in which genres were blended with little abandon, where artists with roots in country, folk and trap music could join forces without anyone raising eyebrows. (See: Swift’s top 20 hit “End Game,” from 2017’s reputation, which featured Ed Sheeran and Future.)

Swift’s new album, Lover, released in August, is both a warm break from the darkness of reputation -- which was created during a wave of negative press generated by Swift’s public clash with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West -- as well as an amalgam of all her stylistic explorations through the years, from dreamy synth-pop to hushed country. “The skies were opening up in my life,” says Swift of the album, which garnered three Grammy nominations, including song of the year for the title track.

She recorded Lover after the Reputation Stadium Tour broke the record for the highest-grossing U.S. tour late last year. In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. “This is a year where I have to be there for my family -- there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,” says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis, which inspired the Lover heart-wrencher “Soon You’ll Get Better.”

Now, however, Swift finds herself in a different highly publicized dispute. This time it’s with Scott Borchetta, the head of her former label, Big Machine Records, and Scooter Braun, the manager-mogul whose Ithaca Holdings acquired Big Machine Label Group and its master recordings, which include Swift’s six pre-Lover albums, in June. Upon news of the sale, Swift wrote in a Tumblr post that it was her “worst case scenario,” accusing Braun of “bullying” her throughout her career due to his connections with West. She maintains today that she was never given the opportunity to buy her masters outright. (On Tumblr, she wrote that she was offered the chance to “earn” back the masters to one of her albums for each new album she turned in if she re-signed with Big Machine; Borchetta disputed this characterization, saying she had the opportunity to acquire her masters in exchange for re-signing with the label for a “length of time” -- 10 more years, according to screenshots of legal documents posted on the Big Machine website.)

Swift has said that she intends to rerecord her first six albums next year -- starting next November, when she says she’s contractually able to -- in order to regain control of her recordings. But the back-and-forth appears to be nowhere near over: Last month, Swift alleged that Borchetta and Braun were blocking her from performing her past hits at the American Music Awards or using them in an upcoming Netflix documentary -- claims Big Machine characterized as “false information” in a response that did not get into specifics. (Swift ultimately performed the medley she had planned.) In the weeks following this interview, Braun said he was open to “all possibilities” in finding a “resolution,” and Billboard sources say that includes negotiating a sale. Swift remains interested in buying her masters, though the price could be a sticking point, given her rerecording plans, the control she has over the licensing of her music for film and TV, and the market growth since Braun’s acquisition.

However it plays out, the battle over her masters is the latest in a series of moves that has turned Swift into something of an advocate for artists’ rights -- and made her a cause that everyone from Halsey to Elizabeth Warren has rallied behind. From 2014 to 2017, Swift withheld her catalog from Spotify to protest the streaming company’s compensation rates, saying in a 2014 interview, “There should be an inherent value placed on art. I didn’t see that happening, perception-wise, when I put my music on Spotify.” In 2015, ahead of the launch of Apple Music, Swift wrote an open letter criticizing Apple for its plan to not pay royalties during the three-month free trial it was set to offer listeners; the company announced a new policy within 24 hours. Most recently, when she signed a new global deal with Universal Music Group in 2018, Swift (who is now on Republic Records) said one of the conditions of her contract was that UMG share proceeds from any sale of its Spotify equity with its roster of artists -- and make them nonrecoupable against those artists’ earnings.

During a wide-ranging conversation, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade expresses hope that she can help make the lives of creators a little easier in the years to come -- and a belief that her behind-the-scenes strides will be as integral to her legacy as her biggest singles. “New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise -- but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,” she says, “but it’s because someone has to be.”

While watching some of your performances this year -- like Saturday Night Live and NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert -- I was struck by how focused you seemed, like there were no distractions getting in the way of what you were trying to say.

That’s a really wonderful way of looking at this phase of my life and my music. I’ve spent a lot of time recalibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do.

Meanwhile, you’ve found a way to interact with your fans in this very pure way -- on your Tumblr page.

Tumblr is the last place on the internet where I feel like I can still make a joke because it feels small, like a neighborhood rather than an entire continent. We can kid around -- they literally drag me. It’s fun. That’s a real comfort zone for me. And just like anything else, I need breaks from it sometimes. But when I do participate in that space, it’s always in a very inside-joke, friend vibe. Sometimes, when I open Twitter, I get so overwhelmed that I just immediately close it. I haven’t had Twitter on my phone in a while because I don’t like to have too much news. Like, I follow politics, and that’s it. But I don’t like to follow who has broken up with who, or who wore an interesting pair of shoes. There’s only so much bandwidth my brain can really have.

You’ve spoken in recent interviews about the general expectations you’ve faced, using phrases like “They’ve wanted to see this” and “They hated me for this.” Who is “they”? Is it social media or disparaging think pieces or --

It’s sort of an amalgamation of all of it. People who aren’t active fans of your music, who like one song but love to hear who has been canceled on Twitter. I’ve had several upheavals of somehow not being what I should be. And this happens to women in music way more than men. That’s why I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue -- like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again.

Did you have someone like that to reach out to?

Not really, because my career has existed in lots of different neighborhoods of music. I had so many mentors in country music. Faith Hill was wonderful. She would reach out to me and invite me over and take me on tour, and I knew that I could talk to her. Crossing over to pop is a completely different world. Country music is a real community, and in pop I didn’t see that community as much. Now there is a bit of one between the girls in pop -- we all have each other’s numbers and text each other -- but when I first started out in pop it was very much you versus you versus you. We didn’t have a network, which is weird because we can help each other through these moments when you just feel completely isolated.

Do you feel like those barriers are actively being broken down now?

God, I hope so. I also hope people can call it out, [like] if you see a Grammy prediction article, and it’s just two women’s faces next to each other and feels a bit gratuitous. No one’s going to start out being perfectly educated on the intricacies of gender politics. The key is that people are trying to learn, and that’s great. No one’s going to get it perfect, but, God, please try.

At this point, who is your sounding board, creatively and professionally?

From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas.

The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else.

You’ve spoken before about how meaningful the reputation tour’s success was. What did it represent?

That tour was something that I wanted to immortalize in the Netflix special that we did because the album was a story, but it almost was like a story that wasn’t fully realized until you saw it live. It was so cool to hear people leaving the show being like, “I understand it now. I fully get it now.” There are a lot of red herrings and bait-and-switches in the choices that I’ll make with albums, because I want people to go and explore the body of work. You can never express how you feel over the course of an album in a single, so why try?

That seems especially true of your last three albums or so.

“Shake It Off” is nothing like the rest of 1989. It’s almost like I feel so much pressure with a first single that I don’t want the first single to be something that makes you feel like you’ve figured out what I’ve made on the rest of the project. I still truly believe in albums, whatever form you consume them in -- if you want to stream them or buy them or listen to them on vinyl. And I don’t think that makes me a staunch purist. I think that that is a strong feeling throughout the music industry. We’re running really fast toward a singles industry, but you got to believe in something. I still believe that albums are important.

The music industry has become increasingly global during the past decade. Is reaching new markets something you think about?

Yeah, and I’m always trying to learn. I’m learning from everyone. I’m learning when I go see Bruce Springsteen or Madonna do a theater show. And I’m learning from new artists who are coming out right now, just seeing what they’re doing and thinking, “That’s really cool.” You need to keep your influences broad and wide-ranging, and my favorite people who make music have always done that. I got to work with Andrew Lloyd Webber on the Cats movie, and Andrew will walk through the door and be like, “I’ve just seen this amazing thing on TikTok!” And I’m like, “You are it! You are it!” Because you cannot look at what quote-unquote “the kids are doing” and roll your eyes. You have to learn.

Have you explored TikTok at all?

I only see them when they’re posted to Tumblr, but I love them! I think that they’re hilarious and amazing. Andrew says that they’ve made musicals cool again, because there’s a huge musical facet to TikTok. [He’s] like, “Any way we can do that is good.”

How do you see your involvement in the business side of your career progressing in the next decade? You seem like someone who could eventually start a label or be more hands-on with signing artists.

I do think about it every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous.

You’ve served as an ambassador of sorts for artists, especially recently -- staring down streaming services over payouts, increasing public awareness about the terms of record deals.

We have a long way to go. I think that we’re working off of an antiquated contractual system. We’re galloping toward a new industry but not thinking about recalibrating financial structures and compensation rates, taking care of producers and writers.

We need to think about how we handle master recordings, because this isn’t it. When I stood up and talked about this, I saw a lot of fans saying, “Wait, the creators of this work do not own their work, ever?” I spent 10 years of my life trying rigorously to purchase my masters outright and was then denied that opportunity, and I just don’t want that to happen to another artist if I can help it. I want to at least raise my hand and say, “This is something that an artist should be able to earn back over the course of their deal -- not as a renegotiation ploy -- and something that artists should maybe have the first right of refusal to buy.” God, I would have paid so much for them! Anything to own my work that was an actual sale option, but it wasn’t given to me.

Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it.

Do you know how long that rerecording process will take?

I don’t know! But it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.

Ten years ago, on the brink of the 2010s, you were about to turn 20. What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time?

Oh, God -- I wouldn’t give myself any advice. I would have done everything exactly the same way. Because even the really tough things I’ve gone through taught me things that I never would have learned any other way. I really appreciate my experience, the ups and downs. And maybe that seems ridiculously Zen, but … I’ve got my friends, who like me for the right reasons. I’ve got my family. I’ve got my boyfriend. I’ve got my fans. I’ve got my cats.

[lycorogue]

A Family Tradition: Giving Thanks Tree

Tina Belcher - Image care of “Bob’s Burgers” on Fox

When I was a kid - I can’t even remember how old I first was - my mother would tape a cardboard cutout of a bare tree onto the attic door. Along its trunk were the words “Giving Thanks Tree”. She would then hang up a manila envelope filled with leaves cut out of red, orange, and yellow construction paper. Our goal for the month of November, leading into Thanksgiving? Write just one thing we’re thankful for each day and then hang it up on the cardboard tree so it is full by the end of the month.

As a child I HATED this tradition. It was so hard for me to think of 30 unique things I was grateful for, and usually ended up with generic things like “food” or “a home” or “boys” (I was a bit like Tina there). It wasn’t until college did I truly get the value of taking a few minutes each day to think about a blessing in your life you may have otherwise taken for granted. It was hard for me my freshman year of college to know I couldn’t participate in the family Giving Thanks Tree, so, with a new appreciation for the tradition, I made my own cardboard tree, hung it on my dorm room door, posted a sign explaining the tradition, and put out my own envelope of paper leaves for my floormates to join in. I was a naïve 18yo, but thankfully no one posted joke leaves. I was surprised at how many joined in on my tradition as I filled my tree with gratitudes. (I later brought my leaves home to post on the family tree).

In 2011 I got married and officially moved out of my mother’s home. I have yet to find a good wall or door to hang a big ol’ cardboard tree, so instead I switched to a digital list. This year I had decided to share to more than my personal Facebook page. I tried posting daily on Twitter as a month-long thread, but... well, it didn’t go so well, so I stopped after day 13, I think. I did finish the thread over on Facebook, and I decided to bring the complete list over to Tumblr.

So, for any who are interested, below the break is my list of 30 things I was grateful for this past November; things I hope to remain grateful for well beyond the next year. Always remember to stop to count your blessings. If you really try to find them, you will discover you have more than you might have realized.

1. I am grateful that my friends and family have been (mostly) safe and healthy this year, and that those who did contract COVID-19 were able to recover. ❤ (*proceeds to knock on wood*)

2. I am grateful for the amazing support system I have. I know I am one of the lucky ones, but between my husband, my family, my friends, and even my readers, I have so much positivity lifting me up, and I want to make sure I never take that for granted.

3. I am grateful to have a stable roof over my head. It's a decent size for two people (we just have a LOT of things). It has sturdy walls & a secure roof. We can keep it warm in the winter and cool in the summer (not cool enough for Hubby, but nothing outside a meat locker would be). We have an attentive but not intrusive landlady. She repairs anything that needs fixing ASAP, and is a lovely woman we can just pal around with on occasion. Those are things I know a lot of people can't say about their landlords/ladies. We also have welcoming neighbors that are a joy to run into in the parking lot. If we have to be "stuck" somewhere until we can buy our own place, where we are works wonderfully.

4. I am grateful that we are no longer hurting for money. We can splurge on smaller purchases (under $50) without much second thought. We can now pay off ALL of our monthly bills after just the first paychecks of the month. And then the rest of the month is building up funds for the next month's bills and savings. Speaking of, we have a little nest-egg of a couple grand, which is still relatively new for us. I'm also over-paying my student loans and car payment. Not by much, but enough that my bills are a couple months ahead, so... cool. I know that during this year in particular, having any sort of financial security is hard to hold onto, so I want to count our blessings that we're doing alright. *proceeds to knock on wood again*

5. As silly as it seems to say, I am grateful for all of the election memes. It was a super stressful time for most of us, and to have some sort of humor that most of the country could relate to (such as Flash from Zootopia being in charge of counting Nevada's votes) was a great stress reliever and bringer of much-needed smiles. So, thank you, Meme Lords/meme creators for bringing us such fantastic content to help ease that wait and stress.

6. I am grateful to see that my Muse is slowly returning to me, like a groundhog after a long hibernation, poking its head out just enough to acknowledge it's there before scurrying back into its burrow to hide again. It hasn't been much, and only one story was actually written in November, but I have been playing with a handful of plotbunnies. It's nice to be able to de-stress via plot-building and playing with character growth again. 😊 ❤

7. I'm sure you all saw this coming, but I am grateful that T**** lost the election. Not so much that Biden/Harris won, because there's issues there too, but that T**** will be out of the White House. Mostly, I'm grateful because that means so many that I love - and those online personalities that I respect - are going to be in a safer America (and world) as of January 20th. For those who suffered through physical, mental, emotional, financial, and maybe even spiritual hardships over the past 4 years - both Americans and international citizens alike - I am grateful that you get to take a breath and relax (at least, for a little bit) now. I don't know if Biden/Harris will (or can) do anything to actually help heal what caused my loved ones' suffering, but at least they won't be actively adding to it.

8. Getting away from the political, I am grateful that Hubby and I can eat whenever we want (outside of work). We may grumble about what we have available, but that's mostly due to not having the energy to turn ingredients into meals, or we've had the same meal 3x in a row already. Regardless, we CAN eat whenever we are hungry, and I am grateful for that.

9. Keeping with the "things people can take for granted easily" theme, I am grateful for my wardrobe. It may be simple and repetitive, but it is enough to wear something clean each day for anywhere between 7 and 12 days before needing to run to the laundromat. Nothing has holes or ratty edges (unless it's a beloved shirt I refuse to give up). My shoes have good soles to them, and I rarely have sore feet. When my feet DO get repeatedly sore, I have the funds to either fix my shoes via new insoles, or I can simply buy new ones. My coats are warm and, aside from one missing the grip of the zipper (but the zipper itself still works), they are still in good condition. I may not be the most fashionable, and I'm sure I'm not picking the best clothing to fit my body shape, but over-all, I'm protected from the elements, my body is protected, and I am well-kempt.

10. Kept me too long to mention this, but I am grateful that I was able to marry my best friend. There are those out there still looking for companionship. There are those who found it, but, in some cruel twist of fate, lost it. There are those who love their spouse, but may not exactly be friends with them. And yet, here Hubby and I are: two people who would gladly spend every waking moment with each other. I found someone I could chat and cuddle and laugh and cry with every moment of every day. Someone I share interests with, and someone who expands my list of interests. Someone who also expands my view of the world; who makes me wish to be more understanding and accepting, and just... better. I am lucky, and I never want to see a day when I forget that fact.

11. I feel a bit silly with this one, but I am grateful I don't have any major allergies I have to worry about. Specifically, no food allergies. I've seen how difficult it is for people to navigate around food allergies or intense airborne allergies. To have to not think about those sorts of things is such a privilege, and I'm truly grateful for it. I have enough issues with lactose intolerance.

12. Another kinda silly one, but, I'm grateful for @dragnime​ living next door to us. Same was true for when another friend was our neighbor. There's just something about seeing dragnime’s car when I come home (again, same with the other friend and his car) that makes me smile. I don't have to actually socialize with dragnime that day if we're both busy, but to see his car and know he's there should I want to reach out is just a weird sort of comforting. (Man, I really need Hubby and I to win the lottery so we can build our commune already....)

13. I am grateful for publicly announced self-appointed deadlines. Last year I started up my own tradition within the Miraculous Ladybug fandom: Friday 13ths should be Plagg Appreciation Day. Plagg is a character who, I feel, doesn't get nearly enough love or screen time. He's also the kwami of bad luck and destruction, so... Friday 13th seemed fitting. The final bit of writing I had actually finished and posted prior to November was for this fandom holiday back in March, and at the end of that story I told everyone "see you in November!" so I felt silly if I'd let this poor-writing year defeat me. I was determined to have at least THIS story written, and that determination paid off. It ended up taking almost literally my entire day off, but I was able to become inspired enough to write SOMETHING, and it seems to be received well, so... added yay. 😊

14. I am grateful for my relatively easy life. I have been loved and supported my whole life. I never really experienced abuse or prejudice (or even really bullying) personally. I was able to fully experience college without much personal trouble (my student loan debt notwithstanding). Aside from a single 6-month stint right after moving to NY, I have been able to find work easily enough. I haven't had to struggle for food or clothing or housing (stretch budget, yes; struggle, no). I haven't had to live without electricity or clean running water. I've never lost loved ones or valuable items (even sentimentally) through natural disasters. *knock on wood some more* There have been struggles in my life, to be sure, but, on the whole, I've had a happy, safe, supported, and relatively easy life.

15. I'm calling out @chibisunnie​ specifically. I am so SO very grateful for her. I mean, I always am, but this year in particular she's been such a pillar of strength for me. I can't even imagine the stress and panic this year must cause her, and yet she's still always there to comfort ME. (I mean, I hope I comfort her too, but this year in particular I feel it's more her comforting me.) She's been the main one (right behind Hubby) to remind me to be kind to myself this year and that it IS an unusual year; my "failings" in 2020 don't define who I am seeing it's an outlier year.

16. I am grateful that my sister is seeing her true self-worth. She’s worked so hard to improve herself and to find out who she truly is, and it's been fantastic to see her continue to evolve. It's also great to see her find someone who builds her up, so a side bit of gratitude to her boyfriend. And, yes, her perseverance, strength, and determination (as well as her mad crocheting skills) are still things that I greatly admire in her. I'm just so happy and proud and grateful that she seems to be in such a good place. ❤

17. I am grateful that my mom has discovered how capable she truly is. This year has been undeniably hard on small businesses such as hers. It must be such a struggle to keep everything afloat and to stay positive, and yet she is. She's pushing herself to improve her business and marketing. She's dealing with modern technology – basically the bane of her existence – nearly all day long between Zoom meetings to network and learn and grow, to working remotely, to making videos to help promote herself, to reworking her business's website, etc. She's grown so much over the year and I'm so proud of her.

18. Since I mentioned it, I am grateful for video conference programs such as Zoom. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts, exhaustion, and my right knee getting worse, I had to stop doing Zumba (I'm hoping to work my way back into the routine again sooner than later). However, before June screwed me over, Zoom was how I was able to keep up with this exercise routine post-shutdown. It's how I've been able to see my family. It's how so many have been able to continue working. It's how YouTubers I enjoy manage to still interact for their videos. It's fantastic that this technology is not only available, but it's also accessible to so many.

19. Speaking of which, I am grateful for the Oxboxtra crew, Dicebreaker, the Theory Family (yes, I’m aware people find MatPat problematic...), SuperCarlinBrothers, OSP, Hello Future Me, and The Warp Zone. In total, that’s nearly a dozen different YouTube channels I routinely watch – focused mostly on OutsideXbox, Outside Xtra, Film Theory, Game Theory, Food Theory, and SuperCarlinBrothers – and these channels have really helped me keep my sanity. The fandoms specifically for OutsideXbox, Outside Xtra, and SuperCarlinBrothers are just so sweet and supportive of even fellow fans. The YouTubers have such big hearts and are so delightfully goofy, it's almost like welcoming friends into my home whenever I watch them. I even started checking out stuff on Luke Westaway's and Ellen Rose's private channels on YouTube because I enjoyed these entertainers so much. So, thank you, YouTubers, for helping me find something that lets me forget what's going on in the world for 2hrs and just have fun. ❤

20. Along those lines, I am grateful for games such as Animal Crossing: New Horizons and Among Us. Both of those games, and similar ones that were available this year, were great distractions from the chaos of 2020. They have provided fantastic and unique gameplay content for the YouTube channels I follow, which, in turn, provided great video content for me to watch. These types of games were also, and most importantly, great ways for people to stay connected. I've been able to bond and joke around and preoccupy myself with games and gaming streams, and they have certainly been such great lifelines.

21. I am grateful for quiet cuddle moments. Be it in the evening while Hubby and I are watching TV, or while we're actually snuggled in bed watching Disney+ or Netflix, or after hitting snooze in the morning and just wanting to stay cuddled together for another 5 minutes, or even when one of us (*cough*usuallyme*cough*) is feeling super stressed and we just take a couple-minute time-out to just hug, I am grateful for all of them. I know not every couple gets to have these physical contact moments for various reasons, add in my own experience of having an 8-year long-distance relationship, and I try so hard to not take those quiet moments of just simple hugs or hand holds or back scratches for granted.

22. I am grateful for music and the ability to experience it. It motivates me. It inspires me (I have so many stories/chapters written because a song made me think of the plot). It helps with cathartic release. It gets me moving and exercising. It keeps me focused. It allows me to just zone out. Music is just so important in my life and the life of so many more. Bless all the music creators and performers.

23. I am grateful for Anime Night. It's a bit of normalcy in this year of anything but. It's a way to stay connected with a couple of my friends, and the little bits of socializing we do outside of watching has really allowed me to get to know both men more, as well as learn more about the other people really important in their lives.

24. I am grateful for the experience of turning fans into friends (and also being allowed to evolve from fan to friend). One of the best things about fanfiction is the ability to see people interact and react with your work, and to then respond in kind. It's sort of a silver lining to the relatively small number of views and comments on most fanfiction (compared to most professionally published work, that is), since it means you aren't too overwhelmed to truly experience each comment, follow, fave, like, reblog, etc. Through people gushing about my work, and me gushing back at how happy they've made me, I've been able to build up some really sweet friendships. I've also made two new close-acquaintances (we don't interact QUITE enough to be “friends” just yet) from my own gushy reviews and their responses to how great my reviews made them feel. So, to @chibisunnie​, @thetauruspixie​, @livrever​, @tlos21​, @chanceuseladynoire​ and @zenmisery​ (I hope that's all of you), I am so grateful for the bond we've had over fanfiction. Love all of you so much! ❤

25. I am grateful for members of minorities and other marginalized peoples for taking the time and effort to try to educate others; making it easier on us when they are in no way obligated to help us understand at all (it's really on us to put in the effort to try to understand them). This year alone, via personal posts on social media, infographics, comics, people posting reference sheets of hotlinks to research/source materials, etc, I was able to learn so much. I was able to grow and try to overcome my own prejudices, misunderstandings, and misinformation. All because people decided to share their raw experiences or do the research for me. It was something each and every one of them volunteered to do in an effort to help educate, and I am so grateful for the lessons they've taught me.

26. I am grateful that people find me a safe person to talk to. It is one of the few things I want in life; to be a safe haven for friends, family, and even strangers who are hurting. I realize the amount of trust people put in me and the vulnerability they are allowing themselves. It is humbling, to say the least, but also such an amazing feeling. I will try to keep learning and keep growing to keep earning the trust warranted me being this safe haven, but in the meantime, I'll continue to be grateful that people do find me as someone they can be safe with.

27. On the flipside, I am grateful to have friends who allow me to just be who I am. I can be obsessed with a cartoon aimed at 10 year olds (Miraculous Ladybug), and my friends not only don't judge, but they also happily let me know when their young children start to enjoy the show! I can be goofy or forgetful or screw something up, and, again, there's no judgment. They just accept me as I am, and I am blessed.

28. I am grateful for the support my friends and family have (outside of me) in their lives. It does my heart well to know that even if I disappear due to my own mental health issues, that my friends and family still have great support around them. They are all kind people surrounded by more kind people, and I nearly cry whenever I read or hear about my friends getting support they need and the outpouring of support. YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND I LOVE YOU ALL AND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU DESERVE THE OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT YOU'VE FOUND. ❤

29. I am grateful for the continued bonding we've had with my sister-in-law this past year. I miss having the post-Zumba walk where we can just talk, but, largely through effort on her part, we've been having some time every Tuesday when she comes over to work after dropping the kids at school. We also had a whole evening with her on Black Friday. She's also texted and called a few times to chat, and we are getting closer and closer each year. Not everyone thinks of their in-laws as family despite what the law says, so I'm grateful that we have always thought of each other as family, and that we continue to bond and grow as siblings.

30. I am grateful for this family tradition. It allows me to really focus on what is important in life, and all the joys and blessings I've experienced. It's especially important during this trash heap of a year. I love that I can find silver linings in my life and appreciate what I have. This tradition is also a reminder to not take things for granted. I am so SO grateful that my mom introduced us to this tradition and forced us to participate as we grew up. It's a lesson that will stay with me, and it's such an important one. Thank you, Mom!

[path-of-my-childhood]

Billboard Woman of the Decade Taylor Swift: 'I Do Want My Music to Live On'

By: Jason Lipshutz for Billboard Magazine Date: December 14th issue

In the 2010s, she went from country superstar to pop titan and broke records with chart-topping albums and blockbuster tours. Now Swift is using her industry clout to fight for artists’ rights and foster the musical community she wished she had coming up.

One evening in late October, before she performed at a benefit concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, Taylor Swift’s dressing room became - as it often does - an impromptu summit of music’s biggest names. Swift was there to take part in the American Cancer Society’s annual We Can Survive concert alongside Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Camila Cabello and others, and a few of the artists on the lineup came by to visit.

Eilish, along with her mother and her brother/collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, popped in to say hello - the first time she and Swift had met. Later, Swift joined the exclusive club of people who have seen Marshmello without his signature helmet when the EDM star and his manager stopped by.

“Two dudes walked in - I didn’t know which one was him,” recalls Swift a few weeks later, sitting on a lounge chair in the backyard of a private Beverly Hills residence following a photo shoot. Her momentary confusion turned into a pang of envy. “It’s really smart! Because he’s got a life, and he can get a house that doesn’t have to have a paparazzi-proof entrance.” She stops to adjust her gray sweatshirt dress and lets out a clipped laugh.

Swift, who will celebrate her 30th birthday on Dec. 13, has been impossibly famous for nearly half of her lifetime. She was 16 when she released her self-titled debut album in 2006, and 20 when her second album, Fearless, won the Grammy Award for album of the year in 2010, making her the youngest artist to ever receive the honor. As the decade comes to a close, Swift is one of the most accomplished musical acts of all time: 37.3 million albums sold, according to Nielsen Music; 95 entries on the Billboard Hot 100 (including five No. 1s); 23 Billboard Music Awards; 12 Country Music Association Awards; 10 Grammys; and five world tours.

She also finishes the decade in a totally different realm of the music world from where she started. Swift’s crossover from country to pop - hinted at on 2012’s Red and fully embraced on 2014’s 1989 - reflected a mainstream era in which genres were blended with little abandon, where artists with roots in country, folk and trap music could join forces without anyone raising eyebrows. (See: Swift’s top 20 hit “End Game,” from 2017’s reputation, which featured Ed Sheeran and Future.)

Swift’s new album, Lover, released in August, is both a warm break from the darkness of reputation - which was created during a wave of negative press generated by Swift’s public clash with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West - as well as an amalgam of all her stylistic explorations through the years, from dreamy synth-pop to hushed country. “The skies were opening up in my life,” says Swift of the album, which garnered three Grammy nominations, including song of the year for the title track.

She recorded Lover after the Reputation Stadium Tour broke the record for the highest-grossing U.S. tour late last year. In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. “This is a year where I have to be there for my family - there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,” says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis, which inspired the Lover heart-wrencher “Soon You’ll Get Better.”

Now, however, Swift finds herself in a different highly publicized dispute. This time it’s with Scott Borchetta, the head of her former label, Big Machine Records, and Scooter Braun, the manager-mogul whose Ithaca Holdings acquired Big Machine Label Group and its master recordings, which include Swift’s six pre-Lover albums, in June. Upon news of the sale, Swift wrote in a Tumblr post that it was her “worst case scenario,” accusing Braun of “bullying” her throughout her career due to his connections with West. She maintains today that she was never given the opportunity to buy her masters outright. (On Tumblr, she wrote that she was offered the chance to “earn” back the masters to one of her albums for each new album she turned in if she re-signed with Big Machine; Borchetta disputed this characterization, saying she had the opportunity to acquire her masters in exchange for re-signing with the label for a “length of time” - 10 more years, according to screenshots of legal documents posted on the Big Machine website.)

Swift has said that she intends to rerecord her first six albums next year, starting next November, when she says she’s contractually able to - in order to regain control of her recordings. But the back-and-forth appears to be nowhere near over: Last month, Swift alleged that Borchetta and Braun were blocking her from performing her past hits at the American Music Awards or using them in an upcoming Netflix documentary - claims Big Machine characterized as “false information” in a response that did not get into specifics. (Swift ultimately performed the medley she had planned.) In the weeks following this interview, Braun said he was open to “all possibilities” in finding a “resolution,” and Billboard sources say that includes negotiating a sale. Swift remains interested in buying her masters, though the price could be a sticking point, given her rerecording plans, the control she has over the licensing of her music for film and TV, and the market growth since Braun’s acquisition.

However it plays out, the battle over her masters is the latest in a series of moves that has turned Swift into something of an advocate for artists’ rights, and made her a cause that everyone from Halsey to Elizabeth Warren has rallied behind. From 2014 to 2017, Swift withheld her catalog from Spotify to protest the streaming company’s compensation rates, saying in a 2014 interview, “There should be an inherent value placed on art. I didn’t see that happening, perception-wise, when I put my music on Spotify.” In 2015, ahead of the launch of Apple Music, Swift wrote an open letter criticizing Apple for its plan to not pay royalties during the three-month free trial it was set to offer listeners; the company announced a new policy within 24 hours. Most recently, when she signed a new global deal with Universal Music Group in 2018, Swift (who is now on Republic Records) said one of the conditions of her contract was that UMG share proceeds from any sale of its Spotify equity with its roster of artists - and make them non-recoupable against those artists’ earnings.

During a wide-ranging conversation, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade expresses hope that she can help make the lives of creators a little easier in the years to come - and a belief that her behind-the-scenes strides will be as integral to her legacy as her biggest singles. “New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise - but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,” she says, “but it’s because someone has to be.”

While watching some of your performances this year - like SNL and NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert - I was struck by how focused you seemed, like there were no distractions getting in the way of what you were trying to say. That’s a really wonderful way of looking at this phase of my life and my music. I’ve spent a lot of time re-calibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do.

Meanwhile, you’ve found a way to interact with your fans in this very pure way - on your Tumblr page. Tumblr is the last place on the internet where I feel like I can still make a joke because it feels small, like a neighborhood rather than an entire continent. We can kid around - they literally drag me. It’s fun. That’s a real comfort zone for me. And just like anything else, I need breaks from it sometimes. But when I do participate in that space, it’s always in a very inside-joke, friend vibe. Sometimes, when I open Twitter, I get so overwhelmed that I just immediately close it. I haven’t had Twitter on my phone in a while because I don’t like to have too much news. Like, I follow politics, and that’s it. But I don’t like to follow who has broken up with who, or who wore an interesting pair of shoes. There’s only so much bandwidth my brain can really have.

You’ve spoken in recent interviews about the general expectations you’ve faced, using phrases like “They’ve wanted to see this” and “They hated me for this.” Who is “they”? Is it social media or disparaging think pieces or... It’s sort of an amalgamation of all of it. People who aren’t active fans of your music, who like one song but love to hear who has been canceled on Twitter. I’ve had several upheavals of somehow not being what I should be. And this happens to women in music way more than men. That’s why I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue - like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again.

Did you have someone like that to reach out to? Not really, because my career has existed in lots of different neighborhoods of music. I had so many mentors in country music. Faith Hill was wonderful. She would reach out to me and invite me over and take me on tour, and I knew that I could talk to her. Crossing over to pop is a completely different world. Country music is a real community, and in pop I didn’t see that community as much. Now there is a bit of one between the girls in pop - we all have each other’s numbers and text each other - but when I first started out in pop it was very much you versus you versus you. We didn’t have a network, which is weird because we can help each other through these moments when you just feel completely isolated.

Do you feel like those barriers are actively being broken down now? God, I hope so. I also hope people can call it out, [like] if you see a Grammy prediction article, and it’s just two women’s faces next to each other and feels a bit gratuitous. No one’s going to start out being perfectly educated on the intricacies of gender politics. The key is that people are trying to learn, and that’s great. No one’s going to get it perfect, but, God, please try.

At this point, who is your sounding board, creatively and professionally From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas. The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else.

You’ve spoken before about how meaningful the reputation tour’s success was. What did it represent? That tour was something that I wanted to immortalize in the Netflix special that we did because the album was a story, but it almost was like a story that wasn’t fully realized until you saw it live. It was so cool to hear people leaving the show being like, “I understand it now. I fully get it now.” There are a lot of red herrings and bait-and-switches in the choices that I’ll make with albums, because I want people to go and explore the body of work. You can never express how you feel over the course of an album in a single, so why try?

That seems especially true of your last three albums or so. “Shake It Off” is nothing like the rest of 1989. It’s almost like I feel so much pressure with a first single that I don’t want the first single to be something that makes you feel like you’ve figured out what I’ve made on the rest of the project. I still truly believe in albums, whatever form you consume them in - if you want to stream them or buy them or listen to them on vinyl. And I don’t think that makes me a staunch purist. I think that that is a strong feeling throughout the music industry. We’re running really fast toward a singles industry, but you got to believe in something. I still believe that albums are important.

The music industry has become increasingly global during the past decade. Is reaching new markets something you think about? Yeah, and I’m always trying to learn. I’m learning from everyone. I’m learning when I go see Bruce Springsteen or Madonna do a theater show. And I’m learning from new artists who are coming out right now, just seeing what they’re doing and thinking, “That’s really cool.” You need to keep your influences broad and wide-ranging, and my favorite people who make music have always done that. I got to work with Andrew Lloyd Webber on the Cats movie, and Andrew will walk through the door and be like, “I’ve just seen this amazing thing on TikTok!” And I’m like, “You are it! You are it!” Because you cannot look at what quote-unquote “the kids are doing” and roll your eyes. You have to learn.

Have you explored TikTok at all? I only see them when they’re posted to Tumblr, but I love them! I think that they’re hilarious and amazing. Andrew says that they’ve made musicals cool again, because there’s a huge musical facet to TikTok. [He’s] like, “Any way we can do that is good.”

How do you see your involvement in the business side of your career progressing in the next decade? You seem like someone who could eventually start a label or be more hands-on with signing artists. I do think about it every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous.

You’ve served as an ambassador of sorts for artists, especially recently - staring down streaming services over payouts, increasing public awareness about the terms of record deals. We have a long way to go. I think that we’re working off of an antiquated contractual system. We’re galloping toward a new industry but not thinking about re-calibrating financial structures and compensation rates, taking care of producers and writers. We need to think about how we handle master recordings, because this isn’t it. When I stood up and talked about this, I saw a lot of fans saying, “Wait, the creators of this work do not own their work, ever?” I spent 10 years of my life trying rigorously to purchase my masters outright and was then denied that opportunity, and I just don’t want that to happen to another artist if I can help it. I want to at least raise my hand and say, “This is something that an artist should be able to earn back over the course of their deal - not as a renegotiation ploy - and something that artists should maybe have the first right of refusal to buy.” God, I would have paid so much for them! Anything to own my work that was an actual sale option, but it wasn’t given to me. Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it.

Do you know how long that rerecording process will take? I don’t know! But it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.

Ten years ago, on the brink of the 2010s, you were about to turn 20. What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time? Oh, God - I wouldn’t give myself any advice. I would have done everything exactly the same way. Because even the really tough things I’ve gone through taught me things that I never would have learned any other way. I really appreciate my experience, the ups and downs. And maybe that seems ridiculously Zen, but... I’ve got my friends, who like me for the right reasons. I’ve got my family. I’ve got my boyfriend. I’ve got my fans. I’ve got my cats.

Taylor Swift Discusses 'The Man' & 'It's Nice To Have a Friend' In Cover Story Outtakes

Billboard // by Jason Lipshutz // December 12th 2019

During her cover story interview for Billboard’s Women In Music issue, Taylor Swift discussed several aspects of her mega-selling seventh studio album Lover, including its creation after a personal “recalibrating” period, her stripped-down performances of its songs and her plans to showcase the full-length live with her Lover Fest shows next year. In two moments from the extended conversation that did not make the print story, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade also touched upon two of the album’s highlights, which double as a pair of the more interesting songs in her discography: “The Man” and “It’s Nice To Have A Friend.” 

“The Man” imagines how Swift’s experience as a person, artist and figure within the music industry would have been different had she been a man, highlighting how much harder women have to work in order to succeed (“I’m so sick of running as fast as I can / Wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man,” she sings in the chorus). The song has become a fan favorite since the release of Lover, and Swift recently opened a career-spanning medley with the song at the 2019 American Music Awards.

When asked about “The Man,” Swift pointed out specific double standards that exist in everyday life and explained why she wanted to turn that frustration into a pop single. Read Swift’s full thoughts on “The Man” below:

“It was a song that I wrote from my personal experience, but also from a general experience that I’ve heard from women in all parts of our industry. And I think that, the more we can talk about it in a song like that, the better off we’ll be in a place to call it out when it’s happening. So many of these things are ingrained in even women, these perceptions, and it’s really about re-training your own brain to be less critical of women when we are not criticizing men for the same things. So many things that men do, you know, can be phoned-in that cannot be phoned-in for us. We have to really — God, we have to curate and cater everything, but we have to make it look like an accident. Because if we make a mistake, that’s our fault, but if we strategize so that we won’t make a mistake, we’re calculating.

“There is a bit of a damned-if-we-do, damned-if-we-don’t thing happening in music, and that’s why when I can, like, sit and talk and be like ‘Yeah, this sucks for me too,’ that feels good. When I go online and hear the stories of my fans talking about their experience in the working world, or even at school — the more we talk about it, the better off we’ll be. And I wanted to make it catchy for a reason — so that it would get stuck in people’s heads, [so] they would end up with a song about gender inequality stuck in their heads. And for me, that’s a good day.”

Meanwhile, the penultimate song on Lover, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend,” sounds unlike anything in Swift’s catalog thanks to its elliptical structure, lullaby-like tone and incorporation of steel drums and brass. When asked about the song, Swift talked about experimenting with her songwriting, as well as capturing a different angle of the emotional themes at the heart of Lover. Read Swift’s full thoughts on “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” below:

“It was fun to write a song that was just verses, because my whole body and soul wants to make a chorus — every time I sit down to write a song, I’m like, ‘Okay, chorus time, let’s get the chorus done.’ But with that song, it was more of like a poem, and a story and a vibe and a feeling of... I love metaphors that kind of have more than one meaning, and I think I loved the idea that, on an album called Lover, we all want love, we all want to find somebody to see our sights with and hear things with and experience things with.

“But at the end of the day we’ve been searching for that since we were kids! When you had a friend when you were nine years old, and that friend was all you talked about, and you wanted to have sleepovers and you wanted to walk down the street together and sit there drawing pictures together or be silent together, or be talking all night. We’re just looking for that, but endless sparks, as adults.”

Read the full Taylor Swift cover story here, and click here for more info on Billboard’s 2019 Women In Music event, during which Swift will be presented with the first-ever Woman of the Decade award.

[link to this tweet]

Was there ever a part of you that was like, “Oh shit, I like this darker vibe, let’s go even further down that path?” I really Loved Reputation because it felt like a rock opera, or a musical, doing it live. Doing that stadium show was so fun because it was so theatrical and so exciting to perform that, because it’s really cathartic! But I have to follow whatever direction my life is going in emotionally... The skies were opening up in my life. That’s what happened. But in a way that felt like a pink sky, a pink and purple sky, after a storm, and now it looks even more beautiful because it looked so stormy before. And that’s just like, I couldn't stop writing. I’ve never had an album with 18 songs on it before, and a lot of what I do is based on intuition. So, you know, I try not to overthink it. Who knows, there may be another dark album. I plan on doing lots of experimentation over the course of my career. Who knows? But it was a blast, I really loved it.

I mean, look, a Taylor Swift screamo album? I’ll be first in line. I’m so happy to hear that, because I think you might be the only one. Ha! I have a terrible scream. It’s obnoxious.

Why Taylor Swift's Lover Fest Will Be Her Next Big Step

Billboard // by Jason Lipshutz // December 11th 2019 - [Excerpt]

On why she chose to put together Lover fest: “I haven’t really done festivals in years - not since I was a teenager. That’s something that [the fans] don’t expect from me, so that’s why I wanted to do it. I want to challenge myself with new things and at the same time keep giving my fans something to connect to.”

[fayegracexo]

How I Discovered Witchcraft & the Paranormal

I figured the best way to kick off this blog, would be to introduce myself, and briefly discuss my own history in the craft, and how I came to having this blog and Instagram account to discuss such things in the first place! If I end up being unclear, or you have a question, or are curious about something I didn’t cover here, please feel free to message me on Instagram, Twitter, or here on Tumblr and I'll be happy to help out! (Here or Instagram preferably!)

To begin, I go by Faye, and I knew I was a strange kid from the get-go. I had my first paranormal experience at age 4, I finished other peoples sentences, or said what they were thinking. My dreams ended up happening, I saw my deceased Aunt and Grandfather after they passed. I grew up in a haunted house where a murder/suicide occurred, so I saw shadows and objects move regularly. I figured out this wasn’t normal behavior of other kids my age. I was more vocal, connected, somehow...older? than the other children. But at this time, I knew nothing of magick and didn’t know spiritual gifts existed. Little did I know what a big part of my life this would end up being. Little did I know how many more strange things were awaiting me in life! 

I was first introduced to witchcraft at a very young age, at, of all places, girl scout camp! I remember it was summer, and I was at Camp Grove Point. I was a brownie at the time, so I was between the ages of 7-9. I made friends with another girl my age, her name was Tara. Tara told me her Mother was a witch, and knew magick. I remember first thinking she was just imaginative, and her Mother must have supported it. She told me her Mother worked with herbs and spells, and could make things move...and so could she. Before I realized the difference between ‘Magick” and “Magic”, I was assuming this girl meant her and her mother practiced stage magic, tricks. I didn’t believe her, until I saw her prove it. She was right, she didn’t mean “Fairy Godmother from Cinderella” type magic at all. I remember my initial repulsion at the word ‘witch’. I thought it was bad, sinful, wrong! I had no idea how wrong I was, or that this was my first step to reclaiming the word for my own.

Tara wasn’t lying, she really could move things. Not far, but they moved. Yes, I realize it’s nuts to say and I sound crazy, but you can’t deny what you’ve seen with your own eyes. I remember how my entire world lit up, watching the impossible. We’d sit hidden somewhere, away from the other campers, and I’d balance sticks, leaves and small stones for her to wiggle, or slide. She always told me her Mother was better at it, and she was still learning. I watched her ‘hex’ people, she’d call it ‘sending bad luck’. She’d pick a poor victim around the campfire and make them fall off the logs we were all sitting on, over and over again. I’ll never forget the look of confusion on their face as they couldn't figure out why they couldn't stay seated on this log. They’d look around, blame the person beside them, trying to figure out the trick, while her and I were in fits of laughter.

Of course at the time I didn’t realize that what Tara was doing was really energy manipulation, not Harry Potter type spells, but whatever it was, I knew it worked, and I needed to learn it. I asked her to teach me, and she did, but after a strong warning that I've always remembered. She grabbed both my hands, and looked in me in the eyes seriously, “I’ll teach you, but you can’t EVER tell anyone.” I hadn’t planned on it, who would believe me?. “If you tell, they’ll kill us. we’ll get experimented on, or locked up. My mom says they’ll hurt us.”

I realized then what a big deal it was for her to even tell me, her Mother had obviously put the fear of God in her about revealing their secret. Tara really believed this was so rare that her and her Mother would be taken, and experimented on like science projects if anyone ever found out. Of course at the time I didn’t realize that others could do such things either, so I believed this, stayed fearful for myself as well, and always kept the secret, until my later years when I had more knowledge. I still have my journals from childhood, with many pages of small, fearful me, writing about experimenting with such things, but always being mindful of being found out. I wish I’d have realized sooner people would only think I was nuts, and I didn’t need to worry about being trapped in a lab ;) We weren’t aliens after all, just women who found their power again.

For the rest of that camp, Tara taught me to meditate, connect with the earth, and manipulate energy. We were always off doing our own things, whispering conversations and secrets others wouldn’t understand. That summer changed my life, and I think about Tara a lot, I always hoped I’d reconnect with her someday.

As I grew older and kept writing about this in my journals, the need to tell someone and not be so alone grew. I needed someone to understand. I remember once, and only once, I tried talking to my Dad about it. I told him some things I could do, and he stopped cooking, looked at me, very calmly, and said “You know, it’s a family thing, your Grandmother used to be able to bend spoons, but then got into church and got scared of it, now she doesn’t and we don’t talk about it anymore”. I tried to ask more questions, but he wouldn’t let us keep talking about it. Problem here is, my pops is a pathological liar, so whether this is truth, or him being him, I’ll never know. I tried bringing it up years later, but he wouldn’t talk about it then either. He either pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about ,or really didn’t remember that conversation we had, I’m not sure which is the truth.

Later I tried telling my Mother. I told her about the shadow man in a hat, with the collar of his trench coat flipped up, who would walk around my room at night, or stand outside the door. I told her how I’d walk into my playroom and see my Barbies stand up on their own, spin, then fall back down. I told her I heard things fall off my bookshelf but nothing was there, or sometimes there was a book on the other side of the room. She told me she didn’t believe me. I didn’t think she did for years. Finally the day we moved out of that house, when I was older, she told me the truth. Two people actually died in that house. She took me through the home and showed me the bullet holes through the house. A few in the kitchen, another in the living room, back to my playroom and bedroom, then finally one more in my Mother’s room, underneath the light on the ceiling. The story was, a couple lived there, the man was an angry drunk, a family member of the landlord we rented from. He got angry (over what I don’t remember) and chased his wife (or girlfriend, unclear, landlord didn’t like talking about it for obvious reasons.) through the house with a gun, shooting at her, starting in the kitchen. She ran to get out through my room and the playroom (there was an exit door to the porch here, the house was like a loop) but didn’t make it, she died in my playroom, the man then went into my Mother’s room, sat on the edge of the bed, and put the gun in his mouth, committing suicide, thus the bullet hole straight up in the ceiling, and why it was now covered by a ceiling light.

So, clearly, this house was kind of a hot spot, with a lot of bad energy, but somehow I was never scared, nothing ever tried to hurt me there. (Also, I like to point out I think this energy was made worse by the fact that my landlord very sadly allowed KKK meetings to be held in our backyard in the 50′s, I found a sign saying “KKK Whites Only” and two hoods buried in the leaves while playing back there as a child. Our landlord was old, Southern, and unfortunately racist and behind the times.)

More interesting, my sister and her boyfriend moved into that house immediately after my mom and I left moved. I was thrilled to hear she also experienced activity while living there (tweezers flying from the bathroom sink, into the living room, things being ‘misplaced’, moving on there own, strange sounds). We both noticed the activity seemed worse around a particular time of year, I believe it was in the winter around Christmas, our theory was always that maybe that’s when the murders occurred.

Fast forward to the new house, starting in 6th grade I began attending a Christian school, it was here I learned that many things I and others could do, weren’t “magick” at all, but spiritual gifts. Christians like to leave spiritual gifts out of the conversation, and pretend they are no longer around, but they are. Prophecy, healing, speaking in tongues, intuition, these and more are all discussed in the Bible, and given by God, but we see them being condemned by the same faith, and these healers, being called witches by their own people. In 6th grade I was having many confusing and strange things happen to me. The ghost encounters were stranger, the dreams more vivid and true, I always knew things I shouldn’t, and felt like I was being watched and followed. I saw deceased family members and animals. I was a bit of a hub for ‘strange’, but didn’t know what to do to control what was happening around me, or even if I could. I knew I needed to talk to someone but I didn’t know who. After revealing all this to a close friend, she said maybe I should talk to our Headmaster about it. I decided it was the best option. I remembering crying in his office, because I was ‘scared I was a witch’ and I thought I was going to hell for being ‘sinful’, or worse, maybe I was just nuts. I told him about Tara, and spilled my guts on what I've been doing. He hugged me, and told me I wasn’t bad, or sinful, that instead, God wanted me to do these things, and they were in the bible. It was the first I'd heard of this. I left that day feeling recharged, confident.

Since then I’ve learned ‘witch’ wasn’t a bad word at all, I also wasn’t nuts, or alone. As I grew into my own I realized I’d best be classified as an ‘eclectic witch’, meaning I am eclectic in my practice and pull from various sources and cultures to create magick that is completely my own. I’m a unique blend of intuition based magick, Celtic witchery, Buddhism, kitchen witchery and everything in between. However I do like to point out that NO I am not Wiccan ;) Wicca I consider to be a religion of Witchcraft and it’s not for me; I like to clarify as it’s one of the most asked questions witches get, especially when people aren't familiar with the differences of religion or spirituality and the variations of witches and witchcraft.

(I’d like to briefly point out here that RELIGION and WITCHCRAFT/ SPIRITUALITY or ENERGY WORK do NOT have to go hand in hand. Spirituality is not always a religion to people, but it can be. Witchcraft is not a religion, but it can be! this all depends on YOUR practice. I am a practicing witch, but consider my ‘religion’ to be spirituality. I would not say my craft is my religion or a religious belief, I see it as energy work, which I find to be rooted in electrical workings of the earth, which is science to me.)

As for what I specifically believe, I’m all over the place and open to many ideas and theories on that as well. I don’t call myself a Christian any longer, as I don’t wish to be associated with their beliefs, but I do still believe in the Christian God and Jesus, and some of the bible, but I have LOTS of thoughts about all of it. Also I’d be a hypocrite Christian, as I have reached out to or felt a call by other Goddesses/Deities, and been answered. Kali Ma, Hekate, Freya, Kwan Yin, Persephone, The Morrigan, just to name a few favorites.

I don’t have an explanation for this yet! I also accept I may never have that answer until I’m dead. I believe in God, the universe, aliens, that dragons existed, I believe in the Fae, in myths and legends, manifestation, energy work, I believe everything may have some truth, I believe in many things, with many theories on all of it. I’m open to the idea of past lives, as I’ve had strange experiences myself; But at the end of the day, all I am 100% certain on, is that when I pray, work with energy, or put out into the universe, things happen that I cannot explain. Whether it is God answering, The universe answering, or If God and the universe are on the in the same, I don’t know! and don’t claim to know. I just know I am heard, and it works. I’ve just seen things that have no explanation, both light and dark, and all I know, is that more exists in this world that what we can see and put our hands on. I don't claim to have all the answers or know everything, and I think anyone that does is frankly, full of shit. I find myself thinking of new theories and ‘what if’s’ on a regular basis, and it would be nothing but arrogance and ego for me to claim I know everything I’m talking about. Part of the craft, is learning as we go, and never having all the answers. If someone claims they're all-knowing, then they're no witch. So I’d like to make it clear, that while I’m not a beginner, I’m also by no means an expert, and I am always learning, and evolving, as every witch should.

I notice all the Goddesses I am called to have similar themes, sometimes I wonder if they’re all the same energy, just with different faces for each culture. I also know of many Gods who have a ‘rose after three days’ story. I wonder if these too could perhaps be the same God? I wonder if God even has a sex? Is there really Gods/Goddesses or is it sexless energy? or energy combined with power from both sexes? I believe not being set in one way or another allows me to keep my mind open and see things and theories from all angles.

So now in my practice, I pray, I manifest, I meditate, I look to Goddesses for inspiration and strength, I stay focused on putting good out into the universe, and not bad. I practice candle magick, manipulating energy, I work with runes, tarot and other forms of divination. I sage my house, work with astrology, crystals and crystal grids and do my spellwork by the moon, and celebrate my Sabbats on the wheel of the year. My beliefs and practice are simple, yet complicated, just like I too am a paradox.

I hope this explained a little more about my background and beliefs, for more, check out my neck blog post “What ‘Witch’ Means to Me”, as I explain why I call myself such, and what ‘witch’ even means!

For more witchy goodness and self care tips, be sure to check out my Instagram page that connects with this blog @selfcarewitchxo

Forever your sister witch,

~ Faye ~

[endearinglysarcastic]

Taylor Swift’s Current Form of Hell

Some thoughts considering Taylor’s current situation. Feedback is welcome (especially if it can be added to the analysis!), but please don’t @ me to argue that she’s a bully or a bitch. I will eat you. 

Firstly, let’s talk about age. Taylor is 29. Scott and Kim are 38, Kanye is 42. Famous was released in 2016, when Taylor was 26 and Kanye 39. So, not only was it released without her permission, not only was she filmed without her permission, not only did it defame her, not only was it implying sexual promiscuity in return for fame, not only was it entirely beyond the bounds of anything she would’ve agreed to regardless of Kim’s ‘proof’, she was 26. Let that sink in. There is more than a decade between her and Kanye - think about someone a decade older that you (a cousin, uncle or friend) and imagine how you would react (me, I’d go all Tangled on them, and hit them in the face with a saucepan; and that’s my calm reaction). Then remember how you were at 19 - considering that, in 2009, when Kanye said ‘imma let you finish BUT’ she was 19.  Fast forward a little to 2016, and Kanye has 2 children, a wife and an established music career. He should be the elder, the one that understands the industry, the one that works with RESPECT. Taylor is only just older than his second youngest sister-in-law - and you best believe that if something like this happened to Kendall, Kanye would be coming after them. But this ‘feud’ was deemed appropriate, Famous was deemed ‘funny’. Scooter and Justin Bieber and various radio hosts etc have decided that all this is ‘not a big deal’. But there we were, Taylor was 26 and being TAGGED by people a decade older than her in this revenge porn horridness. Is it because we now think it’s okay to be horrible to white girls? Is that it? Is it because she’s American? She certainly isn’t a Trump fan, so we can rule that out. Maybe it’s because Kanye was threatened - maybe it’s because he was made to apologise by Queen B and he’s been looking to reassert his masculinity ever since. Maybe it’s his own past, insecurities, problems. But that in no means makes it okay; nor does it condone the behaviour of his wife and associates like Scooter. Hence, we have defamation, revenge porn and cyber bullying, all of which started when Taylor Swift, pop princess supreme, was 19, 26 and now 29.

One of the people who brought this 2016 pain about, now owns the rights to her music. Sounds a bit iffy (it still has her name on it! you cry), but let’s think about this legally. This means that if Taylor wants to work with, rerelease, remix or reconsider any of HER prior works, she has to a) work with Scooter, b) have the changes approved by Scooter and c) give a portion of the profits to Scooter. And yes, kiddies, that means concerts too. Performing her music, at her concerts, for her fans, is giving her abuser a profit. Imagine having to do that with a high school bully, or say, prior boss that you never really liked, with a report or a paper. Objectively these things are worth nothing, but you did the majority of the work; despite this, it’s technically part of their group or company, so it’s theirs too. It’s like sharing custody of your child with an abusive and absent ex. Except, that child is worth a literal fortune and took 14 years to create; and you’re well aware that your ex will completely abuse their side of the contract for their own amusement.  Furthermore, while she’s sharing those rights, we have to remember that Taylor has no legal recourse - he owns the masters by CONTRACT, that she no doubt signed at one point or another. Now while I have things to say about the lawyers that advised her to sign that contract, please remember that she was just 14 when she entered the industry and that a human female brain does not fully develop until at least 23 (men are develop by 27 but this is about Taylor so I’ll refrain from making that joke today). Business savvy she might be now, but that comes with experience and practice and a good team. People who are good at their job, understand your vision and you trust entirely are hard to find; especially when your vocation is as all encompassing as Taylor’s must be. Perhaps there was a mistake there, perhaps she shouldn’t have signed the contract; but hindsight is 20/20, and perhaps blaming Taylor isn’t the most progressive thing to do.  What is both interesting and considerably more gross, is that Taylor was offered a chance to, quote, ‘earn back’ her masters - not only is this bribery, it’s an attempt to further abuse and power over one of the biggest earners in today’s music industry. With such a power over her, there is no way that Big Machine will ever willingly let her go - perhaps they’d enter into a never-ending negotiation; for every album she produces (which would belong to Big Machine), she earns back a prior album that belonged to Big Machine. Sounds fabulous and abusive, doesn’t it? If you are so naive as to think that she was not a guiding factor on the purchase of Big Machine, please reconsider your brain. No one wants to buy the cow if you can get the milk for free - which essentially is what Scooter did, plus now he gets to kick the cow and the calf if and when he wants to. Lovely, right? However, please consider that in signing any new contact under this offer, one can see definite similarities with Kesha’s situation, though the abuse hopefully be only mental and emotional. Taylor has made an incredibly hard and painful choice; she could leave her legacy behind in favour of happier life, or continue with her legacy and ‘earn it back’ and be generally miserable. This desire to make Taylor ‘submit’ is misogynistic, horrible and really really gross. Hence we can conclude that not only has she been abused, bullied and used, we may now note that she has no way of ‘winning’ this argument - in that she may never get her masters back without paying a very serious life consequence.

Taylor has posted a 2 paragraph statement on Tumblr. (Fun reminder - I’m not even halfway done and I’ve written a longer defence that she did.) She is being called attention seeking (‘turning the the public has worked for her before’ - what my local FM radio told me), bullying, gaslighting etc etc. which are all things we’ve heard about before in relation to her. Certainly, Taylor, like other people in the media spotlight, has done things that people don’t approve of or deem problematic (because she, like all others, is just a person) but this by no means should overshadow her present situation. You don’t need to be a Taylor fan to consider this issue problematic; the facts alone are indicative enough. There is no element of like, love, favouritism or adoration that even needs to be considered here. Taylor is being judged, abused and publicly bullied as she dared to speak her mind and feelings about her own works. If Scooter had his way, we would  revert to simply calling her hysterical, and strip her of all capacity to reason - god forbid a woman in the music industry be of sane mind and conviction. Despite this, we have to note that these events, this treatment, these discussions have led to one of the most prominent and successful women of the 21st century retreating from public, and posting her defence, in her own words, on TUMBLR, which is widely considered a niche site when compared to say Twitter or Instagram. Hence, we must ask ourselves, why would Taylor choose Tumblr? She has been so widely supported on Instagram and Twitter in the past. Maybe this is where she feels supported and like she is least chance to be attacked; what does that tell you about her headspace? Maybe it’s where she sees the least tagging, comments of ownership, masters related from people who are meant to be her colleagues - cyber bullying is, effectively, so harmful because it can truly follow you anywhere. Imagine the outrage if this had been done to Justin Bieber, Ed Sheeran, Shawn Mendes. But it wouldn’t happen to them - not because producers and owners are incapable, but because they do not deem in necessary for them to need to show who the ‘alpha’ is. But having Taylor as the more powerful, pervasive person seems to offend many men to the core. Hence, maybe Taylor posted it is simply for herself, knowing it would be unedited and seen by people who might sympathise without yarns of criticism that related to the anatomy between her legs. Certainly, I know I would want to have my say for my own peace of mind as well as for my mental health - and I’m just a law student with 7 followers. How does someone so wildly popular feel so unsafe in the social media sphere? This. This bs is why. 

So why are we just hearing about all this now? Well that’s just it; Taylor. She has brought this to the public attention. She is not so naive as to think that there would be no backlash - she’s been the victim of that too many times. Taylor, despite knowing all of this, despite standing alone, despite the lack of media, social media, peer and male support, has said something. She has expressed her thoughts and feelings, knowing she would be labelled unstable and narcissistic - because that is the fastest way to depreciate and devalue anything legitimate or threatening that comes from a woman or girl. Taylor has, in a sense, reported her abuse; except she reported it to the public. She has been bullied, cyber bullied, defamed, indicted, disliked and gaslighted. In her position, many would be anxious, depressed, scared, paranoid, running crying to their parents (cough me cough). Instead, she has made a rational, intelligent and self-caring decision that led to a well written statement, conveying her feelings in a timely and eloquent manner. She is effectively telling us that Times Up, and it’s coming for the music industry. As always, she has handled this in the most dignified and elegant of ways, while Scooter and his supporters seem to be borderline aroused at the pain they’re inflicting. How anyone can get their kicks out of another persons pain will always be beyond me, though that seems to be the way women are accustomed to men acting. Taylor is, as she has often been, at the forefront of changing social issues and bearing the brunt of the backlash in the public eye. I hope that there are other young women and young artists that are watching and listening - she might very well break the glass ceiling - again. 

Taylor has gone through an immense amount of pain throughout her music career - she’s been labelled an attention, money and boyfriend seeking crybaby for over a decade. The behaviour of men in the music industry is neither appropriate or acceptable. I do not accept it - we, the public, cannot accept it. 

Although I know it is of little help, I will no longer be listening to or streaming Taylor’s old work in an effort to support her. I will also not be streaming or purchasing any other Big Machine productions until her work is returned to her. I will also be signing this petition in her favour. Please consider doing the same - Katy Perry already did. 

I hope Taylor is okay, I hope she is caring for herself, I hope there is some legal action she can take. I hope Lover is wildly successful and her heart is full. Remember that this is not about receipts or feuds or drama. This is about the cruel and unfair treatment of a woman in the music industry and the escalation of that when it became public information. This is about changing the conversation and changing the working conditions. This is for more than just Taylor; this is part changing a toxic culture, where cyberbulling and revenge porn and spiteful purchases for ‘funzies’ (and the torment of others) is appropriate, provided it is against a woman. Whatever you might say or think of her, this is an example of injustices that occur to women everywhere and everyday. We have proven only one thing with these injustices, and that is that you can kick Taylor Swift down are hard as you can - she has discovered feminism and she’s going to get back up. She might not be perfect, she might not be your favourite, but she isn’t a push over. Taylor Swift is taking up space and taking no shit, and I am here for it. 

Petition: https://www.change.org/p/taylor-swift-make-taylor-swift-re-release-her-6-albums 

You can find Taylor’s statement here: https://taylorswift.tumblr.com/post/185958366550/for-years-i-asked-pleaded-for-a-chance-to-own-my

You can also check her Tumblr out here, though this is less related to this analysis and more if you want a good giggle: @taylorswift

[tylerrjoeseph]

I haven’t used tumblr for years and idk if anyone will even remember me but ! I wanted to write up a post about my past weekend at lfcc, where i got to finally meet peter capaldi, someone I've loved and looked up to for roughly five years. I’ve seen people writing posts about me and i thought it might be nice for me to put a more detailed post up for people.

I’ve always been adamant about peter supporting the lgbtqia+ community and never doubted him for a second but the kindness he displayed for me was something i really wasn’t expecting, I arrived on the Saturday morning and decided to go straight into his autograph queue, Luckily my diamond pass was 31 and i got to queue in the first batch of people, I was maybe in the queue for like half an hour before it was my turn at the front phew, I walked up to peter and he greeted me with a big grin and said hello ect, I was worried about not getting much time with him so i decided to just tell him what i wanted to say asap, I said firstly ‘I have a really hard time with my gender identity and your doctor has constantly shown me that the universe is worth staying alive for and there’s so much important stuff to see’ and he was so humbled and kept saying how much of a privileged it was to hear that and how important it is to him that i said it, i then gave him some gifts and he said my artwork was amazing, if anyone wants to see what i gave to him here’s some tweets (x) (x), anyway, he then glanced at my print i was getting signed and looked at the dedication that said Joseph, and then asked me again what i like to be called and i explained that all of my friends call me localjoseph cause its the @ i use for everything online but i felt weird about getting him to write that so Joseph would be fine but i still don’t know what i like to be called and that i have a hard time with that, and peter smiled really huge and was like ‘thats okay cause so does the doctor!’ he then paused for AGES while closing his eyes with his head down and after like 20 seconds i asked if he was okay because i thought the man was irl buffering lol but he smiled and was like ‘yeah i’m just trying to remember something’ and then kept looking down while quietly saying ‘name to himself’, after a good 45 seconds he started writing the dedication which is SO special to me. (see below)

He wrote that not because my name is Joseph (because its not) but because i specifically said i don’t know what i want to be called, its basically letting me know that one day i will know what i want to be called and it will be heard and thats so special, like i can’t believe he took the time to write all that out, he then wrote out ‘be kind’ for me to get tattooed (x) and also signed my dreamboys vinyl which he was very shocked to find out i paid £100 for (x) (x), we then hugged and i told him i appreciate him so much and he said he really appreciate me sharing what i did with him and as i walked off he had a grin oh his face (x)

The diamond pass came with a photo op that same day so i queued up for that and went in the room with my pride flag (if you want to know why i wanted a pride flag photo op, i wrote a small thread of tweets here on why) but anyway as i walked up to him he excitedly almost yelled ‘THERE HE IS!!!!!’ and said hi a bunch, i asked him what i wanted to do for the pose and he was more than up for it, he held it up and held my hand and the photo came out so lovely, i think someone described it as ‘confident’ and that shook me, like he looks so proud in the photo. I thought that was the last time i was meeting peter so i said goodbye and he thanked me.

The next day was peters talk and i managed to get second row, at one point someone asked him how he prepared for playing a transgender role in prime suspect and his answer warmed my heart a lot, he said that he really got invested in the community and met with many trans people who were currently transitioning because he wanted to understand everything and that he understood being trans wasn’t just putting on an outfit and saying you were something else, he said that everyone he met were so brave and had the biggest hearts and how much he respected them. (psa :I don’t condone cis people playing trans parts at all, but i tend to brush this one off because of how long ago it was and i think now if asked peter would understand its not okay to take parts like that) anyway after that i knew i had to thank peter for saying that so my extra ass bought another photo op to see him again that evening.

we were in batch 17 and i thought it would be hilarious to recreate the ‘will smith and his wife’ pose with peter because i love peter a whole ton and in my head i thought it would be funny and what he deserved. I wasn’t entirely sure on how i was gonna pitch the pose to him but when i went in i saw how rushed the photos were being because it was running over slightly, so when i got there peter excitedly said hi again and i was like ‘hey listen peter i have a pose in mind’ and he said ‘yeah’ and I said ‘all you gotta do is just stand there straight and smile huge’ and he laughed and was like ‘smile huge? smile huge OKAY!’ and i just got on the floor and this happened.

after the photo was taken he was laughing and was like ‘WHAT DOES THIS MEAN’ and i said that it was based on a photo of will smith and his wife and it meant that he was amazing basically and he started beaming and said thank you. As i walked away he grabbed my hand and i turned round and said ‘thank you so much for what you said about trans people on stage earlier it really meant a lot to me’ and he said it was his pleasure while still not letting go of my hand lol, he thanked me a bunch for coming and nice it was to see me and i told him to enjoy the rest of his weekend and he FINALLY let go of my hand when i was like half way across the room to collect my photo.

if you want to see the videos of me meeting peter check here

This post was a little longer than what i expected to be but I just wanted to say that peter had absolutely no business being that kind to me, he could have just rushed through things with me and that be it but he stopped listened to me and so many others, I want you to believe me when i said that peter really cares about what you say to him and he really takes on board your presence because he remembers meeting so many people constantly after meeting thousands a day. He truly is a incredibly special human and we really don’t deserve him. I hope all of you can get to meet him one day too. check out my twitter for other candids of us meeting and stuff here 

also a small disclaimer, I don’t identify as a girl or a boy even though my expression is pretty much exclusively masc, I go by he/they pronouns ! thank you x

[wizardessheart-sideb]

This week’s episode of the podcast! It’s fully subtitled, but here’s a transcription under the cut.

HEWWO Hello everyone, welcome to Royal Magic Academy Radio, a podcast about Wizardess Heart. I’m your host, Mari. Despite the fact I skipped last week, not a whole lot happened so uh. Yeah. Guess we’re just gonna wing it and this will be a short episode.  

GAMING NEWS

We got the CG portion of Yukiyamore for like a week. So yeah. That’s over and done with. In terms of events still going on, we have a new collection event, A Kiss in the Rain, and a brand new spin-off, The Nobility.ANIME EXPOSo we have two more pieces of info for Solmare’s booth at Anime Expo. They announced they’ll be demo-ing their new RPG in the Moe! Ninja Girls series at AX, so I guess there’s hope to get some more content of the other Shall We Date? games.They also said they’ll have a little booth where you can take a picture with one of the characters from Obey Me!, so I’m guessing it’ll be like. A cardboard cut-out, kind of like the ones Bushiroad. I think it’s Bushiroad or Klab... always have for Love Live! But anyway, they did finish off this second post saying “Visit us at AX to see who shows up!” so I kinda wonder if they’ll have other cut-outs to take pictures with. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

FANDOM NEWS

In fandom news, @whevents is holding a telephone game right now with writers and artists! Sign-ups are closed, but the event is well under way with everyone participating working on their parts, so that’s something to look forward to.

CALL AND RESPONSE

So, I thought of this new segment, and I thought it over for 3 seconds and decided that it was a great idea, so we're just gonna go for it. Um, this is Call and Response. So basically, I will post a prompt, or like a question, or something, on Twitter or Tumblr, and ask you guys to respond to it and then I'll... go off-script and read the responses on the podcast and um... I really did not think this through and I did not realize what I was doing as you guys will find out 'cause I have re- like, I've read the responses so I know what you guys have said, um, I didn't think some of this was gonna happen, so... *laughing* I really... In hindsight, I really should have, considering... like, considering I'm friends with a lot of you guys so I really should've, you know, seen this coming, but I did not because I'm oblivious and I'm a fool and naive. And also I can't hold my microphone right right now. Anyway um... The initial post I made said "give me hilarious and overly specific wizardess heart-themed asmr ideas it’s for science i mean the podcast." 

So the first response I'm gonna read is from someone I considered a dear friend of mine, @nadia-the-wizardess, and this is someone who I love very much, and somebody I thought I could trust *laughing* and... she said, "Asmr idea? How about Sigurd slurping on them noodles." And... I don't like that.... I don't like that at all. I thought we were friends and I thought I could trust you, but clearly not. And clearly I couldn't trust other people like you because someone else said something spaghetti-themed *giggling* And anyway, this was a bad segment idea, we're never doing this again *laugh* No, we probably will, 'cause I'll be like, "Oh, this will be fine," and then alksjdfh you know, it falls apart.

So, somebody who decided to be normal and not make a fetish joke, put in... this is user @dandelionpaint on tumblr, "You are in the school's library at very busy hour. Every once in a while you can hear smack on the head, someone saying "ow" and different person saying "you cant do that"/"stop saying that"/"ugh"/"you are such a pain in the ass"" and honestly? I kin tha- I kin this. I kin that response. I would actually love to hear that, that would be pretty funny.

So the next response is from another person I considered a dear friend of mine who betrayed me so terribly. And *laughing* said... *inhale* God. This was the worst idea to start the segment off. So @sigurdcurtisholdsmegentle said, "You in the dining hall. Sigurd is there. You can hear him slurping his pasta. A never ending bowl of pasta. Just. Sluuuuuuurp." So many of my friends today have betrayed me. I have done nothing wrong ever in my life before, and it hurts *giggling* Okay.

Next response is from @swagmura, who says, um, "Klaus drinking tea with 47 sugar cubes" and then in the tags, "the spoon clinking against the cup as he stirs" and then "#god i love him" and I feel this and honestly I think I would actually listen to this, I'm not gonna lie. I don't like tea, but I'm like, that would be like, a soothing sound. Although the 47 sugar cubes is a little concerning, but I mean... eh, yolo, right?

Um, @theinvisiblefriend-blog suggested a few. And she said, "Randy eating candy. Unwrapping the candy. Chewing the candy. Vincent and Glenn sharpening their knives" ... sharpening their knives their BLADES  "before practicing swordfighting." I can't read even if something is right in front of me. Is anyone surprised at this point? And then the last one is, "Or Leslie cutting loose with some archery practice." Now that one would be super, like, therapeutic, and stuff. I would like that one.

Uh, @stephdaninja said, "Okay I got one:" and then she listed a few. Uh, "Sigurd pillow top-" ... *noises of mic sadness and exasperation* Oh my *laughing* UGH. GOD. NOT TOPPING. Uh, "Sigurd pillow talking with you about your day, Amelia brushing your hair, Elias reading a story for you, Alfonse taking care of you when you're sick in bed, and that's all I've got for now." See?! These are so good! Other friends of mine, these are so good! Although I have to admit, the Alfonse one makes me think of, um, that one ASMR that was going around a while ago and it was like, "16th century nun takes care of you" and then in parentheses, "(you have the plague)" like, I don't know, that kind of... that's kinda what it makes me feel like. Like, "Alfonse takes care of you in his free clinic" parentheses "(you have the Black Robe Plague)" like... I would listen to that, though. I would listen to that.

So yeah, that's the Call and Response segment. I'm never doing this again! *laughter* No. I'll do it again some other time. It won't be ASMR-themed, it'll be something else.

BYE BYE

Yeah, the game’s honestly been slowing down a bit. I kinda wonder if it’s because of Obey Me!, since that should be out fairly soon and it’d make sense to have the other games be a little quiet to entice players to come play the new game. But anyways. Despite not having a lot to talk about, thanks for listening in this week. This is Mari, signing off.

[babywarg]

ironstrange fic: Star-Man

this fic is almost totally SFW, but in case it’s too much for tumblr's delicate sensibilities and i give it the vapors, i’ll be uploading it into my AO3 account soon.

also, taking the opportunity to announce that i have a twitter here: https://twitter.com/babywarg i'm sure this theme has been used in fic before, in a much better way...but i woke up this morning wanting to give mah boiz angst and would not be denied. title may or may not have been inspired by david bowie's song of the same name. that, plus the notion that people who go round in space age really, really slowly compared to us mere mortals. have you guys seen this uber-cute and uber-touching fan art by 黒雨? you really should. it may help set the tone for this fic. or not. but look at it anyway because it's uber-touching and uber-cute: https://twitter.com/blackrain_1019/status/1043466939480174592 many thanks once again to my wonderful beta @eclair <3 on to the dramu! ***

 Tony threw his arms out wide. "You wanted to see me, doc?"

The playful look on his face made it look like he was angling for a hug. But it wasn't a good time for hugs. Not right now.

"Tony," Stephen carefully began, "I'm going away for a while..."

Tony's arms fell to his side. A look of worry crossed his face.

"To where?" he asked. "How long?"

The questions sounded so innocent, they might as well have belonged to a 7-year-old boy who had no idea he was going to be abandoned by his parents. For good.

He almost seemed too young, too simple to understand what was going on - but those were words that had never before been used to describe Tony Stark.

"A long time," Stephen answered. "Something's come up. Can't we just leave it at that?"

Tony began to frown. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't know, can we? Or maybe you know me better than that, Steve."

Steve. The name was a dagger in Stephen's chest. He should never have let Tony know about it. No one had called him that in years, and whenever Tony did it, he only ever did it with complete awareness of how much it hurt.

"I do know you better than that. You deserve an explanation."

"Damn right I do. And you better give me a straight one. No tricks."

Stephen avoided the dare, looked around. "Maybe we should sit."

"Maybe right here is fine." The tone was cold. But still a good deal warmer than unforgiving.

Stephen sighed, and obliged. "Tony...there's a presence approaching the Earth. It's strong. Very strong. I haven't found a way to repel it. The only thing I've found is that..."

"What?" Tony interrupted. "That it's useless for you to look up how to defeat it on your own?" His voice became softer, almost pleading. "Dude, you're an Avenger now, remember? You're part of a team. That means you get people to pass some of the hard labor on to."

Stephen had to smile. Tony prided himself on being the fix-it guy. He liked being hands-on. Thrived on it.

It was Tony's familiar way of saying "let me help you." But Stephen couldn't afford to listen.

"As the Earth's Sorcerer Supreme," Stephen softly replied, "I'm afraid all of the hard labor is on me."

He proceeded to explain that the presence was a uni-dimensional entity, drawn to planets with vast reserves of psychic power - in short, planets with their own Sorcerers Supreme to defend them.

It fed off psychic energy, and when it was done with one planet, it became more powerful, so that the next planet on its path only had less of a chance to survive. Somehow it was able to detect which planets had a Sorcerer Supreme less able to withstand its assault. It had already left several planets completely destroyed on its aimless journey, each planet's Sorcerers Supreme powerless against it.

There was only one way to avoid it...

And that was to pretend that the Earth had NO Sorcerer Supreme.

"Simply put, the creature needs to think the Earth isn't worth bothering with." There was no time to delve into the intricacies of psychic hierarchies, the fact that there were records in magical tomes of this having been done successfully by other Sorcerers Supreme before, laws on unstoppable objects vs immovable forces not applying to preternatural opponents...and of course the futility of moving the Earth out of the creature's path, so he chose to leave those little details out. "While I'm gone, I'll make sure that the Earth will be enveloped in a deceptive shield - sort of a large flashing sign that says 'Nope, no Sorcerers here, not an astrally advanced enough species' so that the entity, whenever it gets here, will move on."

"You didn't answer me," Tony acidly interrupted, and Stephen froze. "Where are you going? How long will you be gone?

"Other worlds. Maybe other dimensions. Being away gives me less of a chance of being ferreted out. And 20 years." He shrugged. "Give or take."

He didn't quite expect Tony's tantrum afterwards. Or maybe he did. He just never thought it would affect him as much.

"20 years?" Tony yelled, close to his face. "20 fucking years, Stephen?!"

At least it wasn't "Steve." That way, Stephen could take the heat.

Tony paced back and forth, fuming.

"What did you expect to hear from me? Good luck, have fun, bring me back a souvenir? Take me with you? I can't believe it, you're just telling me this! You didn't even think of asking me before making such a huge decision, did you? About asking the other Avengers?"

"I have no time to brainstorm with you, or with the rest of the team," Stephen answered calmly. "The entity is coming tonight. I need to get this done now."

"Get 'this' done? What --"

Stephen stepped up to Tony.

Planted his palm gently on Tony's forehead.

Whispered into Tony's ear, "Hush."

There was a brief flash of light where their skin made contact.

And it was over.

Memory spells aren't reliable, the Ancient One had said to him. You can pick and choose the memories you want gone, but there's no assurance they'll STAY gone. You'll have to live with the consequences, Stephen, no matter what.

Tony staggered back. Seemed disoriented for a minute.

Then, his gaze refocused, and he spread his arms wide.

"You wanted to see me, doc?"

There was no playfulness in his voice, this time. Only curiosity.

He'd come because he was summoned. By the Earth's Sorcerer Supreme.

Not by Stephen. Or Steve. Not by anyone he knew more intimately.

Stephen had to fight for the pain to not to reach his face.

One year of fights, of trysts, of kisses, stolen or otherwise, of promises and curses and unspoken vows.

Of love.

Gone.

"Tony," Stephen carefully began again. His voice might have broken slightly, but he hadn't meant it to. "I'm going away for a while."

 ***

 Time moves differently across universes and worlds, and there's much a Sorcerer Supreme could do in 20 Earth years. There were new species to meet, new magic to learn, many new things to discover.

In the meantime, Stephen drew only enough power from the energies around him (not the dark dimension: never that) so that he never aged, never slowed down.

At any rate, it was always a temporary arrangement.

It was the entity's fault for moving too goddamn slowly. 20 years was the minimum wait time for it to pass. If the psychic energy-eating behemoth had been moving faster, it wouldn't be as hard for anyone.

As it stood, Stephen had to wait it out. He had no contact with anyone from Earth, no one who might betray his location to the creature, or compromise his resolve to stay away. This meant Wong, Christine...or Tony Stark.

And then if, after 20 years, he returned to find the Earth in pieces, he planned on using the Time Stone to look back at where things went wrong, then to go back in time, and use the knowledge he'd acquired in all his years away to fix it.

But! If nothing bad had happened to the earth while he was gone...then, well, Doctor Strange's gamble had paid off.

No one knew that he and Tony had a sort of relationship, so no one else's memory needed to be wiped. All he had to take care of was Tony - headstrong, shrewd Tony, who would defy logic and move heaven and earth to find Stephen and be with him again...potentially leaving the Earth unprotected as he went on his futile search.

- that is, if he even remembered what he needed to find Stephen for.

Stephen’s reasoning was this: If Tony's memories of their year together were dealt with, there would be no complications. The Earth would never lose its best defender. And upon his return, they would just be friends again, colleagues again, Avengers again.

Stephen's 20-year escape plan would be so very simple.

And yet...

There were times when he missed Tony so fiercely, that he contemplated visiting other dimensions, other realities, where Tony existed and he didn't. Where there was no Stephen for Tony to fall in love with. Or where they both existed, but were not in love, and would never be. Perhaps they would never even meet.

At the same time, he knew that visiting other dimensions was a risky thing, and there might be no way back for him...especially if he found a particular dimension where he wanted to stay.

There were times when small things he encountered on his journeys reminded him of Tony, and he had to steel himself to prevent his own memories from leaking out and buoying him back to Earth.

There were times when he wished...that when he finally did come home, Tony would remember.

And greet him with open arms. Obnoxiously strong embraces. Warm, fuzzy kisses. The brightest of laughs.

And a ton of stories and shared memories, "remember when"s that would bring a smile to his lips.

And forgiveness.

He often contemplated using the memory spell on himself, but he decided against it for a number of reasons.

One of them was that he deserved to suffer.

There should have been time for a proper goodbye. Then, maybe, being without Tony wouldn't hurt this much.

But it did, and it should.

The only way Tony would end up remembering their time together would be if Stephen's memory spell would fail. And he had worked hard at making sure it would not fail. He had erased every single private moment he and Tony had shared. He had only left the missions, the camaraderie, the mutual respect they had for each other as men of science, as soldiers.

No room for sentiment. No drawbacks.

No tricks.

 ***

 Approximately 20 years later, a Stephen Strange who looked and sounded exactly as he did when he left, braced himself, and opened a portal back to Earth.

And...

He came back to a technological marvel.

Stark Industries had become the world's leading source of scientific innovations - a world that left hardly any room in it for magic. Everything was efficient, streamlined, for a faster and less patient civilization. Shielded from the biggest psychic threat it had ever experienced, and protected by the Avengers and their affiliates from most physical dangers, the Earth experienced a new technological renaissance.

And in the front and center of it all was Tony.

He looked great, for the record. Salt-and-pepper hair and beard, wrinkles where there didn't used to be any, lean and strong-looking even with muscles less defined - but still, brown eyes that shone with intelligence, wonder, and an unquenchable inner light. Still with impeccable (if now old-fashioned) sense of style.

He greeted Stephen with a firm, hearty pat on the shoulders, like a compatriot would.

(This older Tony would never call him “Steve.” Would never push his buttons knowingly. Would never demand to be part of his life outside the battlefield.)

"Back like a star-man, hasn't aged a day," Tony quipped. "Welcome home, star-man."

Stephen only smiled.

He would have been happy to leave their first meeting at that. But back in his old and dutifully preserved Sanctum, he was surprised to find a pre-recorded message from Tony.

In it, Tony insisted on taking Stephen around, as soon as his schedule (Tony's, not Stephen's) permitted. So many things about the world had changed, Tony explained, and who better to keep the bewilderment at bay than one of the chief architects of this bright new future?

Stephen was about to refuse first thing in the morning - one of the mystic arts he'd mastered was, in fact, adapting to radically unfamiliar environments, so "bewilderment" was hardly ever an issue.

But before dawn of the next day, Tony had already parked a very flashy red hovercar in front of the large symbol on his Sanctum, and had woken him - and all the other residents of the Sanctum - up by knocking loudly on the glass and yelling like an attention-starved child.

The rest of the day was basically a joyride through high-tech New York and its environs, with hyper-verbal Tony gladly playing the role of tour guide. It was true, so much had changed - but not Tony.

Exploring a new reality with a deeply familiar Tony turned out to be pleasant.

It was - did he even dare think it? - very much like a date.

Tony all but physically bent over backwards trying to impress him, introducing new and upcoming inventions like a toddler showing off his toys, and how clever he was.

Stephen remembered when Tony used to do that almost every day. He couldn't help it: he still found it charming.

More than once, he caught Tony staring at his face. Whenever he did, Tony would draw attention off it by blurting out an idea or an interesting anecdote from the last 20 years.

And, more than once, Stephen thought he felt Tony standing a little too near, leaning a little too close to him.

He told himself: his own guilt must have been playing tricks on him. Tony didn't remember. He couldn't.

 ***

 The day ended late, with Stephen feeling exhausted. No doubt Tony did as well, because the two men stood on the Stark Tower (v.3.6) deck side by side, without saying a word.

It was like they both knew the hour of parting had come, but neither wanted to admit it.

Presently, Stephen took the reins. "I have to go, Tony."

From where he stood, he could feel Tony stiffen up in alarm.

"To where? How long?"

They were strange questions to ask, and Tony knew it. He dropped his flustered gaze.

"You mean the Sanctum. Of course. Well, it is kind of late, doc. Must be past your bedtime."

Stephen smiled.

"Past yours, too, old man," he couldn't resist shooting back.

Tony stayed silent, not looking at him. Stephen guessed this meant there was no offer of a hovercar ride back to the Sanctum. No matter.

He started to walk away, to a clearer space where he could set up a portal home - but Tony's hand shot out and caught the hem of his cloak.

He stopped. Looked back at Tony. Who still wasn't looking at him. Still wasn't letting go.

"Old man. Yeah, that's me." Tony's voice was so hushed, it was difficult to hear him. "Too old to suit up. Should've ditched all of my suits, or given them away to young blood, but I haven't. Sometimes I take one of them out and go off looking for something. Sometimes I end up finding trouble, but most of the time, I don't find anything at all."

He let go of the cloak, but Stephen didn't go anywhere. He stood, facing Tony, who was starting to seem agitated.

"And I don't know why I'm telling you this, except it feels like I've finally found what I've been looking for. All this time. All this time. And I can finally take off the suit now. Because that's it. I'm done. And..."

His voice broke.

His shoulders started to shake.

He hid his face with one hand, and folded an arm across his chest - folded into himself, in a desperate attempt to hide.

But Stephen didn't let him. Not after all this time.

He drew his arms around Tony. Held him close. As close as he should have held him last time. And all those other times they'd missed.

Tony buried his face in Stephen's shoulder. He let Tony break against him. Wave upon wave of grief and longing and regret crashed down upon them both. It felt to Stephen like standing in front of a storm, and he felt like breaking, too.

A quick, furtive look into Tony's mind said he didn't remember. Not a single detail of their lost year together.

But he didn't have to. The memories weren't stored in his mind.

They were in his aging body, his cells, the very fabric of his being.

As they were in Stephen's.

All this time.

When he had calmed down a bit, Tony stood back, still holding on to Stephen’s arms, and let out a small, bitter chuckle.

"I don't know why I'm asking you this. Think of it as a pathetic old geezer's wish." He looked up at Stephen's face. "But...stay. This time. Please. No tricks."

It was the look in his eyes that finally got to Stephen, reached in and tore him inside out.

He closed the distance between them again and planted a long, lingering kiss in Tony's hair before Tony could see the first tear fall.

"No tricks," he gently promised.