#like I think I've got something there but there is a better way conceptualize it and present it or at least better word choices

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

[franticbindings]

Seasonal Storytelling

(A fictional tradition for structuring stories - novels, plays, etc.)

A storytelling tradition where works are constructed and understood through the lens of the natural seasons and their procession. The most traditional form of this kind of work would begin in one season and progress through the remaining three. There is not generally considered to be a "correct" season to begin in, though various authors and subcultures have their preferences.

The exact mood and narrative conventions that correspond with each season have varied over time and from place to place, but many draw from the following rough correspondences and so Seasonal Stories that begin in the same season will follow similar narrative arcs.

Spring Spring is a time for beginnings, making plans, setting things to right and unexpected good fortune. Characters are almost never focused on preventing something from coming to pass. Its primary mood is hope, but would be more accurately defined by a tendency to reject Autumn's defining mood of fear. Worries are dismissed, or come from characters that are themselves dismissed, and the overall tone of the play determines if this is for good or ill. Attempts to prevent change fail, or lead to bad outcomes.

Summer Summer is a time for action and emotions that drive characters to act; love and conflict flourish as characters brashly follow their drives. It has a primary mood of passion, but would be more generally characterized by the rejection of Winter's primary mood of reflection. Characters rarely spend time to consider their own motives or the consequences of their actions. When they do, they usually remain committed to their course; in cases where they change their minds, or fail to act thereby, they might find that they lose their opportunity or that their lack of conviction complicates things for the worse.

Autumn Autumn is a time for consequences but also the unexpected. Characters that have courted disaster will face it, while those who have cultivated joy will confront a final hurdle or unexpected threat to it. Characters will act to avert these outcomes and may or may not succeed. The overall mood of Autumn is fear, though it could be more accurately considered a rejection of Spring's hope. Characters worry and are anxious about what will happen, find little comfort in hope offered to them and find any trust they place solely in hope betrayed.

Winter Winter is a time of melancholy, peace, endings, stillness and introspection. This is usually thought of as the point where characters are at their lowest - a character brought low will linger in their misfortunes, unable or unwilling to struggle further; however, Winter also encompasses being happy, or at least satisfied with your fate, and finding peace. Winter's primary mood is reflection, but is more defined by the negation of Summer's passion; emotions are often muted and generally act as an inhibiting force for action. Those who do find themselves fired up midwinter rarely make meaningful progress, winning only symbolic victories at best and frequently ending up worse than they started.

These conceptions traditionally play out with the following arcs, depending on how many seasons the work progresses through. A season could be as short as a single scene or comprise of the bulk of a given work. The notation for how this is represented is an indicator of the season followed by how many total seasons are encompassed. Summer-4 begins in Summer and goes through Autumn, Winter and Spring. Spring Start - The characters face a new opportunity, pursue it, deal with the consequences of their efforts and then we see their new status quo. Winter is commonly excluded or abbreviated for Spring Start works, so as to not undercut the drama of Autumn. Summer Start - The characters are pursuing some goal, attain it or don't, linger in the aftermath of that and then get some sign of what the future may hold. Tragedies often elide Spring, and some stories extend the cycle past Spring through the next Autumn or Winter.

Autumn Start - The most challenging initial season to apply to a traditional 4 season play. Characters begin in a time of tribulation and then the fallout of that is explored. Many autumn starts end there, with some continuing on to foreshadow future events. Those that proceed into the characters acting on the opportunities of Spring typically proceed through Summer into at least Autumn, unless cliffhangers are in vogue.

Winter Start - The characters begins stuck in some fashion, find a new opportunity, pursue it and then confront their fates.

[goldenwilliamson]

would you maybe be able to write a fic for leah where the reader is a famous singer and goes to an arsenal or england game and then gets to meet the team after and leah is secretly a huge fan trying to play it cool (kind of like becks/posh)???

fan behaviour | leah williamson

pairing: leah williamson x reader

a/n: love this ask, feel like i miiight have read something similar to this but can't remember who wrote it, so apologies for conceptual similarities if there is any. also i reference reader wearing leah's no. 8 england jersey even though leah has worn many different numbers for england lol.

summary: reader is a famous singer who goes to an england game and goes back to meet the girls after, not knowing leah williamson thinks she is the fittest woman to walk the earth. leah's fellow lionesses taking the piss out of her a bit for her crush. reader finding it endlessly endearing, as you would.

word count: 2.1k

When you had asked your manager if she could organise getting you tickets to see the Lionesses play, you hadn't expected that your love for the women's team would be reciprocated in any way. So you were pleasantly surprised when your manager informed you that the team wanted to meet you after the game, and agreed immediately.

You had briefly met a few of the players already at a GQ event last year, and on that occasion you had found yourself completely infatuated with the captain Leah Williamson. You had watched on in the Euros as she lead the team out with such confidence and from there you had definitely developed a small crush on the footballer. You had even sourced yourself a number 8 Williamson jersey to wear to the final at Wembley.

After the historic final you shared a photo of yourself and your family donned proudly in your England jerseys to your instagram that night with the caption 'claiming the title of the @lionesses biggest fan. the girls brought it home ⚽️🔥❤️'. Little did you know that when Leah saw your post, she had made sure everyone on the team had seen that you were wearing her jersey. She couldn't believe her eyes, or that a musician of your status was posting about the Lionesses. In a simple display of mutual affection, Leah liked the post and left a comment saying 'The feeling is mutual, thanks for the love x'.

It wasn't until later in the year that the two of you had finally met at the GQ Men of the Year event after the Euros. You had seen her across the room and made a shamless beeline for her. Though no introductions were necessary, you both introduced yourselves, and right off the bat Leah mentioned the fact that you had posted a photo of yourself in her jersey. You tried your best to play it cool, but you certainly were blushing, which Leah only found more endearing.

"I've got to back the captain haven't I?" You'd told her.

"I'm not complaining, it looked better on you than it does on me," she responded flirtatiously with practised ease.

"You're making me blush now," you pat your cheeks, feeling the warmth of your face.

"Surely you get people complimenting you in every room you walk into," Leah said matter of factly, only flattering you further.

"Leah Williamson, stop inflating my ego!" You laughed, "You live a far more respectable life than I do, and you manage to look this bloody good while doing it," you motion up and down her body with your hands to her outfit, completely blown away by her ability to look so damn good in and out of kit.

"Well I'll take the compliment, but I'll have you know I have a great respect for you and your music," she says sincerely.

"Thank you, I guess it's my turn to take the compliment too," you tell her, and sadly your conversation is cut short by an announcement that the award ceremony is about to commence and that everyone must move to their seats. The rest of the night your mind was occupied with thoughts of the English captain, especially since she was honoured with multiple speeches of people singing her praises.

And while you couldn't have known it, Leah's mind was filled with you. After that night she had strictly listened to your music on repeat for weeks, much to the annoyance of her teammates who demanded something else be played since it was Leah who had the role of team DJ.

A few months later when you decided to secure tickets to the Arnold Clark Cup game in Milton Keynes, you had secretly hoped you might get another encounter with Leah, and your manager had confirmed this at the start of the night.

When the girls were in the change room before hand, news began to travel that you were in the crowd, but it hadn't reached Leah until she queued up one of your songs in the pre-game playlist and realisation dawned on Ella Toone's face.

"Can you believe Y/N Y/L/N is here? Apparently she's going to come say hello after the game," Ella said.

"Is she really?" Leah said, her voice coming out squeaky, the excitement evident.

"Oh good Lee, maybe you can just ask her out like a normal human instead of listening to her like an obsessive fan," Georgia Stanway said loud enough for every one to hear, making the team laugh.

"Give it a rest," Leah shook her head, but she smiled, knowing Georgia had a point.

Leah knew she had spent way too much time thinking about you for only having met you that one time, but she couldn't help it. She definitely felt there was a little chemistry in your brief conversation at the GQ event. She tried not to let herself believe that but, after all, you were one of the most famous artists in the world, and she was just a footballer. She wasn't even sure that you dated women. Either way, the idea that you were in the crowd made her want to put in a good performance.

From your posh seats, which you felt extremely lucky to be in, you were enthralled in the game, cheering as loud as anyone when the girls scored their 4 goals against South Korea. You'd even come wearing a Williamson Jersey under your coat, and throughout the game your eye was consistently drawn to the blonde defender who charmed you those months ago.

When the game ended one of the many people working behind the scenes for the Lionesses came to find you at your seat to escort you and your manager through the back of the stadium down to where the team was.

You could hear the sound of Murder On The Dancefloor playing loudly as you followed your escort towards the change room where the team was clearly celebrating their win. The girls were mostly too busy dancing and shouting along with the song to notice your entrance, which made you smile. You didn't want to disrupt their celebrations by any means, but the woman who brought you down had cleared her throat to get the girls attention.

"Sorry to interrupt ladies, but I've got someone special here who has kindly come to say hello!" She announces to the room and instantly the heads turn your way.

You flash a smile and wave as the music gets turned down, "Sorry to show up in the middle of such a good song," you apologise.

"Are you kidding me? The music can wait, you're Y/N bloody Y/L/N," Ella said, making you laugh.

"And you're Ella bloody Toone, it's so good to meet you. I'm a huge fan of you all," You said, expressing your love for the entire team, looking around the room. Even though you've brushed shoulders with more celebrities than you can count, staring into a room of footballers you admire felt extremely surreal.

"We're fans of yours, especially Leah," Georgia says, gesturing across the room with her thumb towards Leah who you were only managing to see now.

She stood resting against the wall with her arms crossed, shaking her head, "Thanks for that G."

You decide it's getting a bit awkward with everyone staring at you, as if you're about to give a half time pep talk so you try to diffuse the situation a little.

"Well I'd love to get around and have a chat with all of you, but please put your music on and do your thing, I feel silly standing up here in front of you all," you say, smiling.

"You heard her girls, stop staring, play the music Leah," Millie Bright said instructively and you watched as Leah picked her phone up and pressed play on the music.

Instantly many went back to singing along to the Sophie Ellis-Bextor classic, and you made your way over towards Georgia Stanway giving her a hug hello, and sitting down with her for a chat.

"That penalty was unreal," you told Georgia, referring to the goal she scored in the game. You spoke with her easily, feeling like you were catching up with a friend.

You continued to move your way around the room, chatting with some of the girls individually and with some in smaller groups. While they all had compliments for you and questions to ask, you met them with the exact same energy. The room quickly filled up with more people who work for the team and friends and family which made you feel less like you were a lucky fan who had orchestrated a private meet and greet with the team.

The whole time you were in the room you were looking for Leah out of the corner of your eye, wanting to save her for a bit later so you could get some more time to talk with her. Once you'd basically made your rounds of the room chatting to the players and their family members you finally made your way over to Leah.

"Saving the best for last?" Leah smirks at you as you approach.

"Well I'm not one to pick favourites, but I did wear my Williamson jersey tonight," you say, pushing open your coat to show off the white England jersey tucked loosely into your pants.

"I can't get over you wearing my shirt," Leah said, her pearly white teeth on full display, which you reflected with your own face.

"Is it surreal for you? Since I hear you're such a big fan of mine and all," you say, reference Georgia's little quip from earlier which didn't fly under your radar.

"Oh, she's got banter," Leah says, an eyebrow raised.

"She tries," you shrug your shoulders.

"Well if you must know, yes I'm a fan. I may even have been told off for playing too much of your music around the girls," she admits, "But you've got my name on your back so I'd say the feeling is mutual."

"Oh, it's definitely mutual, if anything I'm underplaying how big of a fan I am," you say, your honesty laced with sarcasm.

Leah smiles, "Well if we're being honest I'm really glad you came today, I was disappointed we didn't get to chat more back at that GQ event," Leah says earnestly.

"So was I! I actually tried to find you later that night but had no luck," you said.

"Oh, you did? I was probably just sitting with Alex Scott chatting her ear off about how fit you are," Leah says, her forwardness catching you off guard just slightly.

"Well just as well I came here today then," you said, dropping your voice slightly and leaning in closer to her ear, "Because I haven't stopped thinking about you since that night."

"Well what do you say we get together for coffee soon and we can gush over each other some more?" Leah offers and you light up at the idea.

"I'd say that's a great idea," you nod, laughing, "Here let me give you my number," you motion towards the phone in her hand and she unlocks it, handing it over to you. You open her contacts and create a new one for you.

"Alright, all done," you hand her phone back to her, feeling your heart beating in your chest.

"Perfect, well, Y/N, it was a pleasure to see you again," Leah says, opening her arms for a hug, which you slip into gladly.

"Yes, always a pleasure. Make sure you text me later, don't leave me hanging," you say in your embrace, knowing that you're close enough to Leah that the other girls might not hear.

"I wouldn't dare," Leah promises.

"Alright, good," you smile as you step away.

Now that your conversation has come to an end Leah turns back to the rest of the girls, most of whom are watching your and Leah's interaction very closely.

"Alright girls, Y/N is heading off now, say your goodbyes," Leah says, using what you think must be her captain voice, sounding very assertive.

"Bye guys, it's been so good to meet you all," you tell everyone as they all say goodbye and thank you for coming. You embrace almost everyone in a hug as you slowly making your way back around to the door where your manager waits for you.

You give one last wave goodbye, and have one last look at Leah who is watching every move of yours with a small smile on her face. She waves at you as you look at her and with that you turn and leave the room.

As you walk through the stadium to the back entrance where a car is waiting for you, your manager asks how you're feeling after meeting all the girls.

You giggle like you're a teenager again as you tell her, "I think I have a date with Leah Williamson."

[rei-ismyname]

Who do you think has been the best at writing Kurt and what is your favorite stage of the character? Personally, Kurt from Excalibur is my big favorite.

Hey! I don't think I've actually talked about Kurt much, aside from complaining about his NPC status and bizarre priest coding (that was quickly reversed) in From The Ashes

It's hard to argue with Excalibur as a defining run for Kurt's character and his themes. He got to buckle his swash and I really enjoy the relationships built during Excalibur (except Brian. Dude sucks IMO) - even if those relationships and shared experiences have been backgrounded of late. I wasn't aware of different authors when I first read it but looking back Alan Davis if I have to pick.

My favourite stage of the character though is Krakoan Age Kurt. I enjoyed him under Hickman's pen (even if the third law was a mistake.) Si Spurrier made some pretty massive missteps in Way of X but I'm glad that his reaction to Krakoa generally and The Crucible specifically was explored. There's a lot of ways to approach 'I need to start a mutant religion' and zooming in on his personal crisis of faith and allying him with Legion really worked for me.

Focusing on people and examining the laws with the background threat of Onslaught was clever, and he reached the only conclusions that makes sense. I do wish it was longer and a deeper dive into the laws, but it'd break the premise a little if The Onslaught Revelation ended and Kurt said out loud that the Krakoan government is corrupt and we need to start from scratch. Everyone nearly died permanently because Xavier has too much power with no means of accountability.

I'd have hated it if he really did start a religion; The Spark was a secular philosophy that addressed his personal crisis and resonated with a certain kind of person. I've seen people call it a religion and it makes me wonder if they read the book. The foray into justice reform in Legion of X is something I loved on a conceptual level - yes he was using his QC position for legitimacy but at its core the Altar and Legionaries was about the little people, the younger folks, those working for redemption. Kurt's pointed and specific refusal to co-operate with Charles Xavier on his authoritarian bs was a great character beat, as was defending Juggernaut's agency and the chance to be better. I do wish the original sin of Sabertooth in the hole was touched on, but Victor LaValle nailed it elsewhere so I can't complain.

Combined with the Quiet Council dissolution in Immortal X-Men I think we'd have seen an upswell of younger, politically engaged mutants eager to reform their home. I digress.

I loved Kurt's time as Spider-Man (or spinnenmann lol) as a kind of back to basics during the worst time for mutants. It's relatable that he'd be overwhelmed by trauma and grief and just want to be 'a whole Kurt Wagner' for a while. Fight some bad guys, have a romance, eat pizza with Spider-Man. I definitely liked the retcons in X-Men Blue: Origins, the follow up in X-Men Forever, but most of all that he was allowed to be angry about it in Uncanny #700. Trust is earned and neither of his bio parents have done that.

As I mentioned, I'm unimpressed with how he's been used in From The Ashes. He's wasted as a background character and I think putting him on the Uncanny team was a mistake. If it was my decision I'd have him as a peacemaker, flitting from team to team and book to book. I especially feel like he'd visit Katschen himself and not be a party to Iceman spying on her. Kurt and Kitty have a much closer relationship. Tom Brevoort has been outspoken about the X-Men killing people in Fall of X - Kurt and Kitty are the perfect lens to explore that through.

I get that he was already taken by Uncanny, but focusing on Logan and Rogue (where their familial relationship 'upgrade' is recent and barely established) to the detriment of other longstanding relationships feels like a waste to me.

It seems I had more thoughts on Kurt than I thought. Thanks for the ask!

[doisensei]

trans woman doi... again!

i've already made a post about this headcanon, but i wanted to revisit it to articulate my thoughts a little better. i will be referencing extra material, like tsudoi and the stageplays. i may edit this at a later date if i can think of any more points.

as always, this is just for fun! don't take it too seriously. i hope you enjoy! i'd love to hear people's thoughts about hanko-chan.

crossdressing

there are only a handful of characters that have a strong hesitation / resistance to crossdressing, doi being one of them, and... you have to wonder why, right? doi doesn't have any issues with passing as a woman as hanko, so what's really the problem? you could easily reason it's just something he doesn't care for, but if it's something he's so against, like eating fish cakes, he just wouldn't do it at all. doi has his childish moments, and this easily could be another, but... it's interesting how he ends up presenting himself once he does put a kosode on.

( eps: 30-11, 28-10 )

…doesn’t seem so against it now, huh.

crossdressing in nintama is seen as an art in itself. it isn't just a matter of having long hair and wearing makeup, as illustrated by some... less successful attempts at it. like any skill, you have to hone it! which is why it's interesting that feminine mannerisms seem to come easily once hanko is in the picture. we can assume either that it is something doi has practiced extensively before, or it comes to him naturally. either one is good.

in regards to physical appearances, it's established that doi doesn't dedicate a lot of time to cleanliness. his room is a fucking mess. his clothes are always wrinkled. his hair is damaged. but, again, as hanko, he really values looking pretty! the difference in the way he presents masculine versus feminine really intrigues me. little regard vs genuine enthusiasm...

( eps: 32-60, 30-11 )

i like this line from the 1996 movie because i think it's got a fun 2nd meaning if you see it from a slightly different angle-- hanko isn't denying womanhood outright, it's more of a dig on her age. she's not an obaasan, she's an oneesan, get it right!!!

( eps: 1996 movie )

speaking of earlier seasons, it's been interesting seeing hanko's design changes over the years. it's nothing super important to note, but just as doi's personality has changed to be gentler (though still scolding), hanko has grown more feminine.

( eps: 1-9, 13-2, 28-10 )

i like to imagine doi's tsundere-ness to crossdressing is more repression than actual disdain. doi is a very self-sacrificial character, and i think he would prolong his happiness if it meant keeping up the image of a reliable, older brother/teacher figure for his students. the guilt of preferring women's clothes paired with his apathy of men's clothes manifesting as neglecting self care... doi-sensei!!!!!!!

names

it's established in rookie that "doi hansuke" is not doi's birth name. in ninmyu 12 he's given the name "yogiri" while in his former ninja squad. doi taking on a new name make sense given his circumstances, but, conceptually, abandoning a name that doesn't serve you anymore plus the euphoria of finding one that's right is incredibly transgender. the "han" of hansuke, meaning half, symbolic of how much still has to grow, and maybe that extends to discovering things about himself, too. a bleak life rife with tragedy and violence, it makes sense that doi wouldn't know the kind of person he was outside of being a ninja.

after consulting my good very smart friend duck, doi's last name appears to be a topographical name. they came up with the idea that since doi is trying to lay low, it would make sense for his last name to be from a location rather than anything pointedly identifying. the kanji in doi, "earth" and "well" also evoke some images of support and life. someone who is grounding and providing... it very much suits him! this tweet also notes that "tenki" and "yogiri" have kanji that suggest intangible concepts, "heaven" and "fog" respectively, and it's only with "doi" that he has a name based on something concrete.

i like the idea of doi honoring denzou naming her, keeping "han" as a keepsake of her new beginnings, and choosing to live as hanko.

nurturer

in 19-90, one of my favorite episodes, it gives a glimpse of how much doi and kirimaru mean to each other. the neighborhood lady and landlord gossip over their relation, whether they’re siblings or parent and child, and kirimaru denies both. to me, doi encompasses both roles, the playfulness of an older brother, the guidance of a father, and i don’t think it’s too off base to assume doi fulfills traits commonly attributed to motherhood, too. gentle scolding, loving honesty, warm affection, that sort of thing!

i wrote about doi's natural affinity with caring for children here, but i wanted to dive a little deeper. it's pretty obvious that after five years of teaching, he's gotten used to taking care of kids, but that child rearing also extends to babies, too! kirimaru has doi help out with his part-time jobs frequently, babysitting included, and doi is really, really good at taking care of babies. don't believe me? hear it from kirimaru.

( eps: 23-51 ) look how sad she is when she has to give the baby up. i'm gonna die.

in my previous post, i talked about how easily doi would be able to settle down with a family. a wife and kids of his own, isn't that what he would want? in tsudoi, amako-sensei states that after 1-ha graduate, doi retires and opens up an orphanage. kirimaru comes by to help out. rikichi drops his own baby off. (crazy.) and while this isn't concretely canon, i see it very fitting for doi's character arc. teaching brings him a lot of joy, obviously, but considering how worried sick he gets of his students, it makes sense he would want to find another way to give back the kindness he's received in a less sending-children-off-to-war kind of way. doi values childhood, his own was cut very short. to care for children without families would bring him a lot of fulfillment.

what does this have to do with gender? well. it doesn't have to! but i just find it curious that doi doesn't seem interested in marriage or having biological children. he could just be happier single, or, in my mind, maybe there's no use in having biological children if it's not the way he really wants. doi longing to be a mother, but he doesn't have the body to carry or birth a child... we have to make womb transplants possible in the sengoku period.

movie 3 spoilers below

after my watch (and few consecutive rewatches) of the third movie, i wanted to jot down a few things i thought were fun in this section, too.

what kicks off the main events of the third movie is the fight between sonnamon and doi, in which sonnamon ends up 'winning' because doi is thrown off a cliff, thus making him vulnerable to dokutake's brainwashing (sexy). i find the circumstances of this to be very fun to examine in a gender lens. throughout the course of the fight, doi is for the most part on the defense, while sonnamon is aggressively on the offense. it's cute how doi humors him, almost treating sonnamon like a child in the playful, scolding way he handles sonnamon's obsession attacks.

there is one moment where doi does become forceful, though, and it's when sonnamon's movements threaten the safety of a bird's nest. the mother bird, pictured below, also doesn't reveal herself until she realizes the danger her babies are in. i find it incredibly fitting that the bird and doi seem to mirror each other, both devoted and only provoked when it comes to protecting their children. this comes up again at doi's light threat to happousai after he regains his memory. doi loves her babies don't fuck around too much.

( 2024 movie. )

speaking of, and i'll try to keep this brief since i want to write a full review of the movie someday, tenki is a peek at a doi without the warmth, kindness, and love of the yamadas, his students, and, of course, kirimaru. tenki is cold and calculated, yet devoted to maintaining peace. he wants to prevent the tragedy in his childhood from happening to anyone else. despite tenki's violence, his motivations are rooted in kindness and empathy, though misguided due to dokutake's true ambitions.

( 2024 movie. )

but such a narrow path is a very empty way to live, and it's clear that tenki's happiness is pushed aside for the 'greater good.' a very huge stretch here, stay with me on this one, but something that comes to mind is how some trans people will put aside their want to transition because it seems so far from reach. unrealistic or inconvenient to people around them. it's easier to do the 'right thing.' the familiar light in doi's eyes only returns once he remembers the bonds he's formed, and that despite how cruel the world can be, there's a lot of love to give and receive, too. hardships and joy go hand in hand, and i think that's very relevant to being trans, too. all to say, doi's heart is warm and big enough to care for any child in need, and i couldn't imagine a life where she isn't surrounded by babies.

( 2024 movie. )

let's glow serenely with mama.

misc

these will be little points that don't really fit in with other categories.

in ninmyu 12, when doi is describing his own image of a peaceful scenery, he uses the lyrics, "swaying a flower basket in her hand, with a smile on her face, a maiden joyfully gathers mugwort." curious.

in an interview about the design of the tenohira tenki figure, the sculptor noted that tenki's outfit is reminiscent of yamabushi... as well as binan-kazura. binan-kazura's were men playing female roles in kyogen. curious.

all credit to jellyfishlover on dreamwidth for this (who wrote a lovely review of the 3rd movie, go check it out!)-- if we assume tenki is what doi would be like without the influence of the yamadas, kirimaru, and the rest of his students, it's fair to assume that deep, monotone timbre might be closer to his natural voice, and he may be pitching his voice up. curious.

my good very smart friend azul brought up the fantastic point that the first person to recognize doi's potential as a caretaker was another woman, rikichi's mother. curious.

( eps: 30-35. )

[max1461]

I feel like. Ok. The internet is full of people who are sad/depressed/mentally ill as like. like they feel like and act like it's part of their being, you know, it's part of their self conception. And I've never felt this way, I mean I've had ocd all my life but mostly it's just felt like an annoyance (even at the times when it was genuinely really disruptive to my life), like I'm at my core a happy and optimistic person and there was just this annoying thing that would get in the way sometimes, and then I would manage to brush it aside and I'd be back to basically enjoying my life. ya know? That's always the way that I've felt.

Except since the pandemic, after the various things that have happened, I've felt really different. I've felt really kind of, depressed and anxious in a deep way, a way that doesn't feel like an annoyance, it feels really troubling. And part of it is "clinical", I mean like, my ocd itself got really really bad in the pandemic and that was a huge part of what has fucked me up so much. but part of it is just like, certain things that have happened in my life, that have made me feel really sad and pessimistic.

but what's really troubling about this is like. I think when I talk about this online, people kind of respond the way you would respond to the (much more common) type of guy who just "is depressed", like, as a condition of his existence (or at least, the type of guy who self-conceptualizes that way). and like, this makes sense, but I'm not that type of guy, and I don't really think the same things will like, help me. uh. I think this is why I get better advice with this stuff on reddit sometimes, because reddit guys seem like they generally self-conceptualize as like "average joes", as so their advice doesn't assume that you think of yourself as like... you know, at odds with the modern world or something, or like, whatever. like they assume you're just a "regular joe feeling down" or whatever. which is kind of better.

but the other thing is like. talking to people irl, I have a completely different problem. which is that they "want me to be happy" as an end in itself (because, being my family members, they don't like to see me sad), but they have a more ambivalent relationship to the things that are actually making me unhappy. Like they're not really "on my side" in a deep way, even though they care about me and believe they are on my side. They don't like to see me sad bad they're, well, they're not invested at the object level in my life moving in the direction I would like it to move. it's like. the involuntary wireheading debate, right? if that existed, well, they probably wouldn't involuntarily wirehead me... but they would totally want to, and think about it a lot. and this is how they approach their relationship with me in general. so getting advice or help from them is kind of dangerous. like, they care about me but they aren't really my allies. I actually think this is a rather common position to find oneself in with family, and it's very uncomfortable.

[spinchip]

Never the dark 7, 10 [dareth x Cyrus, it's not a pairing I've seen before and it humors me in a good way], and 11?

[ask meme]

YAAAY THANK YOUUU

7: Where did the title come from?

Bury Me Low by 8 Graves! I was listening to this song a LOT when conceptualizing the fic and I feel like the whole thing kinda describes Zane in the fic. In retrospect, I do kinda wish I had named it something smoother, I had a few ideas for what I might change it to (Inside the Dark, Forsaken Dark, and [redacted because i might be using it for another project teehee]) but I do like Never the Dark and I think i'll keep it lol

the funniest thing about this song is that I played it so much I got sick of it and now I wont listen to it

If I die today, it won't be so bad I can escape all the nightmares I've had All of my angry and all of my sad Gone in the blink of an eye I've seen the devil. I've shaken his hand I've seen the evil that dwells in a man For all of my wisdom, I can't understand ...... If I die today, it won’t be so hard Everything scares me, but never the dark

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Polyninja because I love them and the fucked up relationship dynamic post zanedeath called to me.

Pixal/Skylor has always been awesome but I included it here specifically because of how I view their character actions in the three year time skip. Skylor joins the ninja a few month after Zane dies and despite the fact that they don't harbor any ill will towards her, Zanes absence is a fresh wound that it feels like she's trying to step into. It makes everyone bleed. No one is coping well and things get messy and tense between skylor, the ninja, and pixal until Skylor has a mental breakdown and removes herself from the team (trauma response due to the nature of how her father raised her.) Skylor was never part of the team- she's not been there from the beginning, so she's an outsider. And so is Pixal. (Not intentionally of course, but the others share a different kind of grief that the two don't.) Cyrus eventually convinced Pixal to go to therapy where she gets some clarity on things and reaches out to Sky to apologize again for any role she played in the teams tension with her. She invites Skylor over for dinner and they accidentally end up talking for 6 hours- and the rest is history

(Skylor IS on good terms with the ninja btw. they apologized and hashed things out- but she won't rejoin the team for a lot of different reasons.)

Coppershipping my beloved. new-ish in the ficverse! They were starting to be more friendly with eachother after zanedeath, and that progressed post s11. Dareth took his grief at losing Zane as motivation to get in better shape and actually try and train, so he hits the gym and puts on a lot of muscle. takes up boxing. He wants to be able to do more to help if something happens again. He ends up putting his new skills to use protecting Cyrus from something or another and Cyrus asks him to be his bodyguard. They spend a lot of time together and fall in love teeheehee

also, fun fact for you, Dareth handmade all the ninja suits they wear in NTD!

11: What do you like best about this fic?

oh man. Is it bad to say the fact that it's almost finished? I'm just really proud I've been able to stick with it and put in the time and effort. I've got a pretty spotty track record with chaptered work- i lose motivation and drop things a lot, unfortunately. But i'm still dedicated to finishing NTD!

and im really proud of the wordcount! 100k!!!!!!! WAOW

[me-beef]

A collection of Fell art I don't think I've ever posted before. This is all art I've made in the last year, those first pics being done in January/February-ish? It's been fun to see how much my art has developed since then :)

So, something I'm sure I've mentioned before, I have RSD- or rejection sensitive dysphoria. For the last decade or so, it's controlled a large portion of my life and has dictated a lot of what I've been able to do. It used to be a lot worse- like, eating-lunch-alone-in-the-bathroom-everyday-at-school-because-I'd-have-a-panic-attack-if-I-tried-to-go-into-the-cafeteria type of bad. Or, having-a-panic-attack-because-a-girl-complimented-my-socks-and-I-was-CERTAIN-she-was-actually-implying-I-was-a-stupid-idiot-loser-baby type of bad. It's made it really hard to make friends and maintain relationships, because a part of my brain truly believes the people around me don't want me there, or that it's better for me to be quiet and out of the way than to risk doing something "wrong" and drawing the ire of everyone around me.

It was something that I was really ashamed of for the longest time. I didn't understand what I was feeling or why I acted the way that I did, I just wanted everyone around me to be happy and I felt like I was doing everything wrong and making everything worse just by being present in any given situation.

So- what ended up working for me? How did I start moving forward?

Years of counseling and therapy? Yeah. Medication? That too.

But do you want to know what really ended up changing my life this year?

I made a character to conceptualize and encapsulate all of my anxieties and traumas, took my condition, and made it her superpower.

Some bits about her character:

In a ⋆˙⟡dramatic⋆˙⟡ and ⋆˙⟡tragic⋆˙⟡ childhood event, Fell's heart was fused with a star.

It sounds like a magical-girl dream- but for Fell, it's only ever been a curse.

Whenever her emotions flare, she has an uncontrollable surge of magic. Sometimes, that wild magic can scare or even hurt the people around her. She's become terrified of her own emotions- and that fear only exacerbate her "curse".

So, she isolates herself- not out of a fear of others, but out of a fear of hurting those around her.

When I was a kid, there weren't really any characters out there that I felt like I could truly identify with. Sure, I've seen social anxiety addressed in media throughout my life, but nothing that I felt really captured the full complexities of what I was experiencing in my day-to-day. Plus, I feel like those characters rarely got to be the heroes of the story.

So, all that to say, Fell is the hero that I wish I had gotten to have as a kid.

Starlight Saga (working title), or Legends of ZahKol, is the story and world that I built around the lessons I've learned in my journey of overcoming my anxiety and RSD. I can't give that to my past self, but my dream is to one day share it with the world- for other people out there like me, to help them and give them hope and let them know how strong they really are for fighting day in and day out. That these parts of yourself don't mean you're broken or damaged or wrong- these are tied to the most resilient, most beautiful parts of who you are.

[knaveumineko]

Umineko Episode 4 Blog: More Questions Than Answers

It's been a busy few weeks, and this was a really long episode, but I finally reached the end of the Question Arcs. This one was good! Probably the best since Episode 1.

Ange's storyline didn't go in the direction I expected. I had thought that, as an observer from the future, her perspective might pin down Beatrice, in the sense that any evidence she finds regarding the case forces Beatrice to tell the story in a way consistent with that evidence. Instead, her perspective explains a lot more about how magic works, culminating in her performing her own mass murder with the Stakes (or rather, Amakusa's gun). I get what they were going for with this storyline, but they just took too many scenes to do it, and while I like magic conceptually in this story, the actual moment-to-moment experience of reading the sisters' interactions is a little painful.

On the other hand, I was really surprised by how much I liked Maria's backstory scenes. Reading it really brought back memories, which might sound a little concerning, but that's not how I mean it. As someone who also had stuffed animals for a bit longer than perhaps age-appropriate, and had a tendency to disappear into my own head in response to negative emotions, to the point of being something of a loner, I was able to feel Maria's magic, instead of just thinking about what it meant. I think I would have found Sakutarou pretty annoying if not for understanding so deeply what he is. It's great characterisation for Maria to watch how she shapes his personality into the person she needs: he argues for the naive perspective so that Maria can maintain her faith in her mother, and takes all of Maria's anxieties about the world around her so she can be brave by inserting herself into the mature adult role. How is she already a better mother than Rosa is?

The conflict between Maria and Ange's perspectives sometimes reads a bit uncomfortably, perhaps because I align more with how Ange sees things. It felt like the story maybe leaned a bit too hard on Maria's side, despite the fact that it's pretty hard to take her side without making excuses for her abuse. I imagine this is because Ryukishi understood that readers would be more aligned with Ange, and he needed to get across that she does have something to learn from Maria's perspective, instead of rejecting it while pitying her.

That being said, the payoff when their perspectives finally reach synthesis is fantastic. Ange understands Maria as someone who, as if by a miracle, found some way to turn her pain into something positive that she could share to make others happy, and in turn was despised by everyone until she gave in and used that coping mechanism more spitefully. Every scene with Maria reads so differently after properly understanding her perspective: the evil laugh as she imagines the people hurting her dying, and the way their continued denial of Beatrice must have felt to her. It's cathartic to see Ange redeem her, or perhaps put her to rest, through the resurrection of Sakutarou. It's a clever way to reflect the "turning a negative into a positive" motif: the fact that Rosa lied about Sakutarou being handmade is the same thing that allows him to come back to life.

As far as the actual game goes, it's the most interesting we've gotten since Episode 1. I'm still curious about if 3 and 4 are also written by the Rokkenjima killer, but in any case I'm glad to see how inventive we can get with the format now; having Battler confined to a single room for the entire incident and unable to learn any information beyond a series of phone calls that only tell him what Beatrice wants him to believe, feels appropriately climactic for the end of the Question Arcs.

It also sets up the ending, which made me more tense than I've felt since 1. It's so eerie to watch Battler's weird as hell "test," followed by him wandering around for an entire day trying to find out what happened. It's got that paranoia-inducing quality of implying there's some greater truth about these events that's staring us in the face. This might be the first time we've seen the killer's real personality, and after all of that they gave up halfway through the conversation and presumably killed themselves right after. At least Battler finally bothered to investigate any of the crime scenes.

Ange's scenes complicate the meta-plot significantly. I had thought of the first message bottle being authored by Maria as artistic licence, but now it seems we have two conflicting accounts both written by the killer, before the crime even took place, meaning we have absolutely no idea what really happened on the island. It's not even clear that Ange's world is actually the real one. It's originally implied that Ange comes from the future of Episode 3's game specifically, but that could be misdirection and she's actually from the "real" timeline, or maybe it will turn out that this whole story was written in Ange's diary, discovered after she commit suicide by jumping off of the hospital roof. Nevertheless, confirmation that the first two episodes, and possibly the later ones, are written by the killer at least means that what's written in them is important to understanding the killer's perspective. If there's ever going to be a hope of deducing the events of October 4th and 5th, it's in understanding Beatrice's intentions when they wrote those stories.

[spockandawe]

Hello hello! I'm sleepy and bored at work, but still have two meetings to go, and THEN I stumbled across an ask game a themed reading list! I got linked to it here by a friend, and I've been reading a surprising amount this year compared to what I usually manage, so let's goooo

Author you've read the most books from:

Oh man. This has to be either Terry Pratchett or Mercedes Lackey, even though I haven't gone through the WHOLE catalog for either one. Let's look this up? Wow, more of a difference than i was expecting: Terry Pratchett, 39. Mercedes Lackey, 63.

Best Sequel Ever:

Oh, that's so hard! Arguably Thud! by Terry Pratchett counts, but looking that late in a long series feels like cheating. I'm going to say either Ancillary Sword (imperial radch #2) by Anne Leckie, or The Siren Depths (books of the raksura #3), by Martha Wells. The earlier books hooked me, but then these ones just put me in the salad spinner and went to town.

Currently Reading (12/'24):

Too many 🥲 I won't even get into mangas and manhwas here, lmao.

Evil As Humans by Nian Zhong

I Became A God In A Horror Game by Pot Fish Chili

SSS-Class Suicide Hunter by Shin Noah

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint by Sing Shong

The Guild Member Next Door by Honeytrap (this hasn't snagged me yet, but the manhwa is extremely charming, i mayyy just stick to that)

Star Instructor, Master Baek (loved the manhwa, NEED full prose context, haha)

Drink of Choice While Reading:

I read a lot on walks, so none, really! If I'm reading in bed i might make tea or grab something cold and bubbly, but i tend to get too immersed to remember my beverages.

E-reader or Physical Book:

E-reader. I was that weird kid who always carried around like five books, and this is so much better. It's faster, it's more convenient, I can word search, it's easier to share snippets with friends, it suits all my needs beautifully. The caveat. Is that I dont trust the permanence of digital media at ALL, especially if drm is involved, so i really try to own physical copies of everything i LOVE.

Fictional Character You Probably Would Have Dated in High School:

Oh god, dating, the worst activity. Ummm. Gosh. See. My trouble here is that I have chronically terrible instincts for who is actually good romantic interest material in real life, and that problem was SO MUCH WORSE as a teenager. Let's say Sha Hualing. Is this ending well for me? Nope!

Glad You Gave This Book a Chance:

'C Language Cultivation' by Yi Shi Si Zhou! I'm an engineer, but god, i am not a programmer. But I'm so glad I went into this book anyways! I was able to MOSTLY get pulled along for the ride when characters talked programming, and I think its SUCH an interesting way to conceptualize cultivation in a modern setting. And then on top of that, the plot went crunch and did some really interesting things! I would have balked at this one normally, but it really worked for me.

Hidden Gem Book:

'Evil As Humans' by Nian Zhong. I really need to rave about this one more, because it's one of the best cnovels I've ever read, and I'm so sad it took me this long to catch word of it. I'm not done yet, because i got overwhelmed by Emotions and was afraid of running out of book so I stopped reading, like a dumbass. It's so so so so good. It's got everything. It's got fascinating worldbuilding, amazing characters, glorious imagery, BEEFY plot, and one of my favorite relationships I've ever read. I would recommend this book whether or not someone has read a cnovel in their life before. And it's so sad that hardly anyone talks about it!

Important Moment in Your Reading Life:

Ooh, I think.... that moment in the peak pandemic days when I was finally intrigued enough to check out MDZS. First, I devoured it and it was SO good. Second, I kept reading cnovels. Third, my passion for cnovels got me into bookbinding. This really made a notable impression on the course of my life since then, which I frankly wasn't expecting at this age!

Just Finished:

Hmmm. I'm not FINISHED, but I'm caught up to the current translation of 'The Hunter's Gonna Lay Low' by Baek Sam. The translator said they would hopefully be catching at the end of this month, and god, I really hope so, this book lodged inside my ribcage.

Longest Book You've Read:

'The Husky and his White Cat Shizun' by Meatbun. It's 1.2 million words. If I ever finish ORV that will dethrone it, but for the love of god, montressor

Major Book Hangover:

Haha, any book I like tends to leave me hung over! I notice especially for the cnovels because they're so long and I get my emotions spun up so high, but it's definitely a regular feature. The only time this doesn't happen is if it's a series like Murderbot when I can immediately press on to the next book, until the inevitable SERIES hangover.

Number of bookcases:

Oh, unfair, the sizes vary wildly. In my house, let me see. There's a BIG built-in bookcase in the basement that has most of my prose fiction and craft books. Basement bedroom has a freestanding bookshelf that might be for art instructional books and art supplies, but im still rearranging.

Upstairs, i have a wide/short bookshelf that's also a tv stand, but it's split between western comics and board games. Kitchen has a teeny wall-mounted set of shelves with my cookbooks. Dining room has a buffet where my shortlisted craft books are stored (so I don't have to get them from the basement).

And upstairs, my pink bedroom has two. There's a small built-in that's for my manga collection and small zines. And there's a corner bookshelf that's for sheet music and coffee table books. I think that's everything!

Preferred Place to Read:

On long walks 🥺 It's so nice. I like it so much. The weather is hostile to my fingeys at this time of year, I need to drag out my various fingerless gloves and scatter them in convenient places so i remember yo grab them. Other than that, curled up in bed, either lying down or sitting against a back pillow.

Quote That Inspires You:

Oh gosh. I dont remember quotes very well. And 'inspire' might be the wrong word. But a number of Terry Pratchett ones stick with me, he really just was an incredibly memorable writer

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.

-Terry Pratchett, 'Soul Music'

Reading Regret:

I don't regret reading books! Even the ones I hate. If I'm not getting something out of the experience, I'm hideously adhd to begin with, I will probably forget to finish rather than even consciously decide to quit. If I have a regret, maybe... I have a lot of other hobbies and obligations, and there are SO many books I wish I'd already read. I regret not prioritizing reading more in my life, even though I'm sure that in this AU, I'd have brand new regrets instead 😂

Series You Started and Need to Finish:

Mmmmm... Imperial Radch. I read the first trilogy l, the short stories, and Provenance. I just haven't been able to find the right headspace to start Translation State. I'm sure I'll love it! But I haven't done it yet.

Three of Your All-Time Favorite Books:

Agonizing!

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Hogfather by Terry Pratchett

Unapologetic Fan for:

The Books of the Raksura, by Martha Wells!! I love murderbot, but i LOOOOVE the raksura books, they deserve more appreciation

Very Excited for This Release:

Alecto the Ninth please im begging on hands and knees 🤣

Worst Bookish Habit:

Look, I am. Very adhd. I will accept your rec with great excitement and make a reminder to myself to go check out this book asap. Then i will also forage for my own new books, because it's good enrichment in my enclosure. Let's not ask what my follow-through numbers are like. Shh, don't worry about it.

X Marks The Spot: Start at the top left of your shelf and pick the 27th book:

Oh, this is gonna drive me nuts. I'm at work, but i HAVE a picture. The resolution, however--

It's the slim hot pink and black paperback. It's an Agatha Christie, and I'm almost positive it's 'The Mysterious Affair At Styles.' But I can't find this edition online to confirm. The book to its left is 'Any Way The Wind Blows' by Rainbow Rowell, the one left of that is 'Alta' by Mercedes Lackey, the one to its right is the complete Sherlock Holmes, and the one right of that is 'Sleeping Beauty' by Mercedes Lackey, so I know my books pretty well! But that ONE. Is driving me nuts 😂

Your Latest Book Purchase:

'Tiger Tiger' by Petra Erika Nordlund! It's sitting on the shelf next to my front door, and I'm POSITIVE I'll enjoy it, but the stars haven't been aligned for me to start it yet, expecially because i do read so much on my phone but i think graphic novels are a Must for physical purchases. If i have digital purchase of comics, they're probably redundant with my physical copies. They're just as ephemeral as prose ebooks, but so much larger to store 😂

ZZZ-snatcher book (last book that kept you up WAY late):

Ooh, that's probably 'I Became A God In A Horror Game' by Pot Fish Chili. This is an interesting one, because between story arcs I lose momentum and take a longgggg pause. But then DURING story arcs, I can't put the silly thing down. It's gripping as HELL.

[kings-highway]

i saw u were giving ur thoughts abt rare pairs and i wanted to know what you think about kurokita if ur down!!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 🤔

I haven't really thought that much about these two in particular. Even if I love all the captains in every rotation. But.... welll.............

I think the funniest immediate dynamic that comes to head is that we've got Mr. Down Home "It Ain't Much but It's Honest" versus "Captialist Rex" which honestly I am not an enemies to lovers kinda person but if you wanted to make a hallmark movie-

Dear Kita has to come into the city and he's only there to help a family member sell at a local artisan market, and they've got a little shop set up, and Kuroo is basically classic entrepenurial spirit like "wow you could really make a business out of this little set up" and Kita says "get my name out of your mouth right now" and-

Actually hang on I'm kinda into this conceptually. Because Kita's, like, mean. Canonically. He's not like most of the other captains that like, mince words or try and keep people's morals up, up he straight up tells people to stop making mistakes and to be better, like... I don't know if Kuroo has a lot of people like that in his life that would hold a knife to his throat and tell him to be a better human being or the Gods will send him to hell.

I do think Kuroo could easily absolutely fall in love with this downhome kind of simple logic Kita has, very yes sir, thank you ma'am, let's get our work done, but in the way that what Kuroo might be missing in his very corporate life is a little bit of home comfort, somewhere to come back and rest his head and feel fulfilled. And I can imagine the first few nights he stays over on the farm rest him like nothing has ever rested him, and once Kita actually lets him talk about *why* he's climbing to the top of the volleyball managerial ladder (to lower the net for everybody!) Kita almost instantly falls in love. To put that much work into an ideal, to commit to something he cares about that hard and put that many hours a day in, that's something Kita can support, whatever it is.

Anyway Kita would absolutely make him little homemade bento boxes with cute little notes to take to work and then sometimes when Kuroo's messed up he'll leave very aggressive little notes.

Kita tries to pretend he doesn't think Kuroo is attractive at all, but (before they're together) he catches him sleeping on the bed with his shirt off and almost has an aneurism

Kuroo is pretty sure every time Kita smiles a year gets added to his life.

Atsumu finds out Kuroo (yes, that Kuroo!) is dating his former captain and Osamu has to stop him from sending a strongly worded letter to the editor regarding why Kita should absolutely break up with him right now do not trust the black cat do NOT

Anyway also I forgot to include somewhere in the original hallmark enemies-to-lovers triad that they have to hardcore hate fuck atleast once. I think they could do it. Better than other rarepairs i've thought about I think they could.

Overall Rating:

For Me, Personal Interest: 2/10

Personal Interest for Enemies to Lovers Country Boy v Coporate Man: 10/10 send me this fic right now. (and I don't even like enemies to lovers-)

Concept/Potential: 3.5/10?

Concept/Potential as Aforementioned Hallmark Movie: 10/10 oh my god I want it now??? I talked myself into this.

[tiredassmage]

I always find it so FASCINATING how you play through the same story (IA of course) with multiple characters and see how each new dynamic plays out, because I just don’t work that way xD I put one lil guy into one situation and then nobody else gets to be there, it’s been claimed. So it’s very neat to see a more varied approach and watch each new take and how they add to your relationship with the story!

THAMK you!!!! I also find it really fascinating, which I guess is my fuel for doing it. xD It's admittedly one of the several things I have done in playing SWTOR that I never would have guessed I'd do when I started playing - and, to be fair, there are certain stories that I'm sorta that way about! And perhaps if everyone will indulge me, I'm gonna take this as an excuse to ramble about what I enjoy both about this particular class, and SWTOR as a whole, really.

but first I'll take an excuse to post my main 3 (so far) agent boys :3

from left to right then: tyr, alucren, and nikihlus!

Part of the agent storyline being so attractive to me personally is I'm sure, for better or worse, that I'm admittedly a sucker for a spy action flick, and since it's kind of my exact cup of tea, there feels to be a level of variance in how it plays out and how a character can interpret their experiences within it that's delightful for me to dive into and tear apart like a dog with new stuffed toy, lol.

I've played all eight class stories I think at least twice now, and several of them, clearly, far more than that, so I think one of the overall continuously endearing things about the game is that any of those eight can be someone's Thing. Everyone's got their favorites and I really, truly, after several spins through them all, don't think there's really a single bad class story. Finding the right character to pick apart what really makes a story tick for you, personally, I think is where... some of the challenge can occur.

I, for example, enjoy, conceptually, Consular, Inquisitor, and Trooper, but the first two of those I outright don't have a canon character "filling" that role, and Trooper I only have halfsies because my favorite run of that is actually Tyr's AU where I dropped him in the Trooper story for kicks and it changed my entire outlook on what I'd previously considered one of the more lacking class stories to the point where I think I might owe Aric Jorgan a personal apology letter and I'd even consider advocating for the story now. All of these stories I still think are good, fun, and interesting, but I haven't found a character whom I enjoy seeing in the role they play, if that makes sense.

What I at least enjoy about any of the characters I keep bringing back up here that I've played is that their viewpoints and experiences are pretty distinct to me. Even within my agents - and maybe especially with them, they all come at the role of Cipher with very different backgrounds and perspectives. Pretty much all three of them I've learned a lot more about since creating them, as you do when characters change over the course of a story and you point them at things that challenge their thinking, but their... fundamental, pre-Intelligence backgrounds greatly inform how they handle the rest of... everything. And only one of them is my canonical Cipher Nine; that honor remains with Tyr; Alucren's designation is Cipher Eleven, and Nikihlus's is Cipher Seven, respectively, but they've also... both kinda run away from me and since I have such a feel for who they are, it's also incredibly interesting to tackle the story as if they do belong there, in that particular role - because it tells me something about them that's not just applicable there.

And also, it's just... really fun for me to compare them like yardsticks against each other, lol. And it's a fun little exercise in appreciating the why of how different their playthroughs and experiences are. The short of them is that Tyr's the most idealistic of the three, the agent of change - a double agent for the SIS because he believes in something bigger and greater and ideals are enough to motivate him. Alucren's a loyalist - to the Empire, and to the Sith beyond that. Born and raised Imperial just like Tyr, but where Tyr came from some of the cracks in that society as an orphan (according to official records, at least) raised in a not-quite-family resulting from a marital alignment between a Sith and a naval officer, Alucren is relatively silver spoon-born - from a fairly prominent and historically loyal family. Those two have very different ideas of what Imperial Intelligence is, even, to great effect on how they respond to the pressures of the story and what's done to them in the titular role. Nikihlus is an outsider; in much the way that Kaliyo is using Intelligence as the next opportunity, so too, to an extent, is Nikihlus. He's there not exactly of his own will - it was cooperate or die, so his loyalty to Intelligence is only as far as they'll pay him, and that the Empire remains a more sound employer. Sith politics and even the larger conflict of Republic vs. Empire interest him no further than how to stay alive as someone who is painfully aware (sometimes, or perhaps even often, to a degree of paranoia) that neither side is interested in having a place for an "ex-"underworld assassin and enforcer like himself. His main motivator, at the end of the day, is always to stay alive.

Sometimes the three of them have overlap in their choices made along the story. Sometimes they're polar opposites. Sometimes, they do the same things for vastly different reasons. And that is almost more fun than seeing the outcomes themselves. At the very least, it's definitely at least equally as fun as seeing the outcomes!

But there are also those stories that I've done a certain way and I don't think, at the moment, at least, I'll do them as well again. Savosta and Rhyst, for example, are sort of... the definitive version of my Wrath and Jedi Knight. The Sith Warrior is one of my other favorite stories on some of that variance aspect that's so appealing in Imperial Agent for me, but I just... haven't done it like I did it with Savosta before or since because I'm so satisfied with how he came together. And it's a similar thing with Rhyst and Jedi Knight, although Knight is also... one of the ones that took me the longest to figure out the kind of character I wanted in that role - the kind of character that made me feel really engaged with the story.

And Rhyst is probably also the character I've changed the most about, over the course of his existence - from physical appearance to actually getting a grasp on his motivations and what's stuck with him about his experiences.

And especially since I've worked a lot mentally on how those two develop a relationship with each other, I feel like I'd be missing something that's become a huge part of how I enjoy the full picture between the Knight & Warrior without having a pair of them.

Anyway... Part of this response is maybe for a takeaway of this game is so fucking good when it gets you, and I think part of it's 'goodness,' if you will is how individual the different stories can become when you lean into the 'roleplay' part of it for the characters made, at least in my experience, and... yeah, I'll take the platform to be excited about the many different experiences of all of these characters I have, lol! Part of what I've loved so dearly about this game as a community around it and enjoying the characters I've created for it is how passionate people are with their characters; I think I've used... something of the phrase for trying to discuss Tyr's experiences that... something something, all of that is true, for him, in his eyes, how he sees the world [for whichever character you'd like to apply this to]. His views and actions are justifiable, if you will, from his perspective, just as Alucren's are from his, even though those two I created to be nearly complete opposites to see paths of the Agent campaign I never would just replaying Tyr over and over (though I still do that, clearly), lol.

And... I also meant to touch on and didn't earlier, but... I also distinctly recall saying when I was closer to starting to play this game that I wasn't sure I'd ever quite get why to play the same character in different stories, and now I've got a version of Tyr for each of the tech class stories that were all really fun to explore, and some of them are even... pretty distinct 'versions' of him from the others, if you will. Which does always make me think about that post that goes something about... not "he wouldn't fucking say that" but... what would it take for this character to act or feel this certain way? What aspects of environment and circumstance and who they met, etc etc, form who they are, what their opinions are? What would it take for a Jedi Knight to "fall" to the Sith I think is a bit of a fairly obvious one in Star Wars media, and I, admittedly, sort of avoided that one for a while because I wasn't sure I'd get anything out of the pondering that I'd enjoy with Rhyst, but I've played with it a bit here and there since and it's actually revealed some very interesting insights - things like some of his insecurities that better inform me about the kind of presentations he makes as a Jedi, and better inform his later-in-life complicated feelings with the Order and the Republic in general, even better insight into what he'd like to do maybe after he hangs up his lightsaber, or what kind of life he might've led if he hadn't grown up with the Jedi Order.

I dunno. Honestly, maybe at the end of the day, I love getting this and getting to share this because creating fictional little characters is just fucking cool and fascinating by itself and it's an experience or hobby even, if you will, that's been so much fun for me throughout life that I really hope everyone gets to experience something that engages them this much. They're a really cool vehicle for exploration - and that can mean as much or as little as you want it to. And that's so fucking cool that they can do that.

Anyway pt 2, lol, I love, again as I said, comparing my agents like yardsticks, love yapping about how their differences play out in the story, I am almost always down to talk about Imperial Agents. And Rhyst, stars I need to talk about him more. Which I always say and then I don't without prompting, but genuinely they have almost a whole story together in my head and I'm just not a longfic person so it'll probably never come out that way, but I think about it. Trust that I think about it, lol. And honestly, it's really cool what I learn about them when I talk about them and talk with others. Rhyst is a good example for that; a lot of what I've learned and developed with him and Knight in particular is from yapping with friends and mutuals and hearing some of what others have done; the beauty of having a buddy is that they'll ask about or talk about aspects of the story or characters you might never have considered on your own. Some of my favorite little character facts or insights have honestly come from discussion with friends.

OCs are so fucking cool. Thanks for coming to my TED talk about it, I guess? xD

[kittygawa--jr]

UR JACK ALPHABET WAS SO GOOD. could i req am nsfw alphabet with mordecai pleez... (with a focus on him bottoming if ur willing. looks at u with big ole eyes). if ur not feeling mordy then timothy? ty ^^

- @kingsuchus

Mordecai NSFW Alphabet | 1.5k Words | Not Proofread

hiii 👋 restarting bl1 made me hit prime missin' mordy hours, so here <3 thank u! i had fun, i hope you enjoy :)

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED. please be patient with me while i empty out my inbox!

A - Aftercare: He is a man that gets Pooped after sex to me. After everything's said and done, he much prefers to lay flat on his back and have a smoke before passing out. He certainly isn't opposed to hugging an arm around someone while they sleep together, though. Just don't expect much from him, and don't expect him to want much either.

B - Body Part: For sure an arms/hands guy to me. He'll act like he's not flustered by someone being able to fit their hands around his waist or wrists or whatever, but one can usually tell by his nervous laughter afterwards that he's still thinking about it. I've always reslly liked the visual of Brick flexing and him sitting up there like a crow's nest. He should be able to do that with more people, and I knowwww he loves that shit.

C - Cum: He's a tiny load blaster. It's very anticlimactic, because I think he also makes a bit of a show of his orgasm.

D - Dirty Secret: Mordecai is 100% a man that struggles to get it up. Like even not considering the alcoholism that comes later, you would have to give so much attention to his dick n balls that maybe it's just better to go for the ass.

E - Experience: I would say like... medium-ishh, I think. He's still got parts to explore more thoroughly, but he's confident in what he enjoys.

F - Fav Position: Flat on his back, knees to his shoulders. He will also take face down ass up but his hips gotta be held up near the end. I think his legs are prone to giving out.

G - Goofy: Definitely more on the serious side 👍 If someone tries to be more silly with him it's a one way ticket to groanville. To bitch 'n moan ville. I don't think it's the worst thing in the world for him, but he does prefer not being taken out of the experience.

H - Hair: I flip flop between him taking pride in trimming or simply not giving a shit. But allow me to indulge myself: he is a bird man. He needs to do a little preening to feel sane.

I - Intimacy: He will certainly get wrapped up in the moment if that's the direction things are taking. I think momentum matters for Mordecai, so anything that he can just glide with will work. Thinking about things is for the post nut guilt 👍

J - Jack Off: I think he's a very practical masturbator. He jerks off to get rid of headaches or get to sleep if he's struggling. I think, in large, though, he's bored of his own hands.

K - Kinks: Intox is definitely one of them. To me. Get him too drunk to think before sex and the world is your oyster, really! I think it's the onky way he can properly conceptualize himself as "powerless," which is fun for sex but not always for the ego. Getting drunk just lets him feel the shame over drunkenness rather than being put below someone. Because I think there's just a little shame there.

L - Location: I think he'll take it anywhere honestly!! Against a wall, in bed, on a table, in the dirt, cramped into a tiny space... I'm not saying he won't complain ever, but there are things he could be pickier about.

M - Motivation (Turn-Ons): Size differences are always good. I think he can admire brutality, given his choices of company most times, but try not to direct it towards him too much. I think he also desires a partner to have some sort of skillset they're good with. Be able to show something off to him. Once again: he is a bird man, he likes it when people peacock towards him.

N - No (Turn-Offs): Do not touch his hair, do not sneak up on him, no degredation 🙅‍♀️

O - Oral: I don't think he's the best at head, but I think he can be down there for a loooong ass time. A sniper's skillset includes holding one's breath and sitting still for a long time, and he's a damn good sniper.

P - Pace: He takes things pretty slow. Working him up takes time, getting him close takes even longer, though his orgasms come hard and fast. It may as well be a screamer.

Q - Quickie: He's such a sucker for them, especially if his brain is already a bit foggy. I think he makes a kinda huffy show of going "Really? Right now?" every time someone asks, but I can rarely see him actually saying no. He's always begrudgingly working his fly down.

R - Risk: I think he's on the safer side. I can't see him ever proper enjoying getting hurt or hurting other people, but I still think spicing up the locations sex is done in will be more than enough for him, usually. Most he'd allow is you scratching him up a bit; he can take it, he has a Bloodwing.

S - Stamina: I think when his focus is only the act of bottoming, he can last a good while, but if he has to properly command his body much, I can see him needing a lot more breaks. He already does sooooo much jumping around and kiting out in the battlefield and you're gonna make his tired ass do any of the work on himself, too?

T - Toys: Especially with a partner that prefers danger and thrill, I could see bondage/a bit of petplay being brought into the bedroom via toys. He did date Moxxi so obviously he must also live and die by the strap 👍

U - Unfair: Oh he haaaaates teasing. I don't think he can see the fun in it and he would hate to be teased, or to tease. Especially while bottoming, I think his ego is just a little too tall to not be writhing and squirming and kicking if one tries.

V - Volume: Not quiet, but I wouldn't say he's very vocal. Most of his noises would be low grunts and groans or fairly breathy. He's trained himself to be very very quiet. Even his orgasms are pretty silent, it's habit for him to make his voice break and cut out once he cums. You might be able to just barely hear the start of a moan before he does, though.

W - Wildcard: His mask looks like a falconry hood. Let's 👏 stick 👏 Mordy 👏 in 👏 a 👏 GIMP MASK 👏👏👏👏👏👏 Take away the sniper's most important senses of sound and sight. Let's see what happens. It'll be fun I prommy.

X - X-Ray: Bone skinny, any fat is distributed to his lower gut from alcohols. He has some muscle to him, however it's almost entirely upper body. Light pectorals and biceps. He doesn't have a lot of hair, it's mostly very light and curly, but there is still some on his chest, with a thin and curly happy trail that mists his legs in light hairs too. He's armed to the teeth with battle scars, but what good Vault Hunter isn't? Plenty of them are from training Bloodwing, even. Under the mask, his wrinkles and lines cut deep. He has heavy bag and very untanned skin, even compared to the rest of him. I think his brows are thinned from the near constant contact with the leather. I also see him as having kinda dry skin but idk.

Y - Yearning: Oh he is down bad but it only comes out when he actually gets with someone, or is drunk. I think he's a very antisocial man and struggles at times with connecting with people. I also believe this is something he's prone to beating himself up over, so his desire only burns harder as a result. I think now that he has friends amongst the other Vault Hunters, his main issue with himself is "fuuuuuccckk I suck so much I can't pull any bitches that stick around for more than a night." as opposed to, "fuuuucck I suck so much I've only ever gotten a bird to like me." Even though he's the one trying to close himself off to puff himself up as cooler than he is.

Z - Zzz: He takes a little while to get to sleep afterwards, but he's pretty prone to it, especially after some drinks. He's a very tired man, his body will take any excuse to rest.

[adobe-outdesign]

I know you've done the various mr mime forms, but have you reviewed mime jr?

(This is the last Pokemon review request in the inbox right now, so send 'em if you got 'em.

Mr. Mime review is here, G. Mr. Mime review is here, and Mr. Rime Review is here.)

Some people find Mr. Mime to be kind of uncanny, with its nose-less face, long jointed limbs, and slightly too detailed hands, but I've never heard anyone complain about Mime Jr. here. It's mostly because, while based off of Mr. Mime, the design has been simplified greatly, and features like a super cheerful expression make it hard to not find this little guy adorable. Them mimicking people and not being very good at it also doesn't hurt their cuteness factor.

I like how, conceptually, it starts off as a clown and then becomes a mime; kind of similar but still distinct ideas that work well with each other. It also looks really solid visually; the light pink body has great contrast with the dark blue accents, the black eyes pop, and the nose and red ball on the chest compliment each other, as does the ball on it's jester-cap esq hair. It's clown-like enough to pick up on the theme, but done in a nice and subtle way.

I've heard a lot of people say that Mime Jr. doesn't look enough like Mr. Mime, but I honestly don't agree. They share the exact same color palette, similar color distributions (dark hair and legs/feet, light pink faces and arms, dark pink circle accents, etc.) and a lot of the same motifs, like the zig-zag hair and circles. I think the only place where the line looses cohesion a bit is the head, as the two have very different eyes; not inherently a bad thing, but it does make the faces less similar.

Ironically, Mime Jr. arguably fits even better with the Galarian Mr. Mime line, but for opposite reasons; the color palettes are completely different, but more elements of the body shape and face carry through (G. Mr. Mime has a nose, think arms but thicker legs that are completely black, mitten-like hands, and a scalloped pattern to the body; all traits that Mime Jr. shares). Mr. Rime also helps with this, keeping all of the shared attributes and even gaining a stockier body shape in the legs, the round red nose on the stomach, and similar eyes to Mime Jr.

(A lot of people say there should've been a Galarian Mime Jr. On the one hand, having an ice-type variant with blue instead of pink would've made the cohesion of the line spot-on; but on the other hand, I don't know if there's a ton they would've done with the design beyond just minor visual tweaks. I don't know, if it's between a fairly standard recolor variant that exists for coherency vs. just skipping it all together, I do get why they wouldn't think it was needed. Plus, like I said, the line is incredibly coherent as-is anyway).

Anyway, a really cute and fun pre-evo that feels like it adds something thematically to the line and works really well with both regular and the Galarian Mr. Mime lines. Great stuff.

[mdhwrites]

The Grimwalker as a concept was so weird. Mainly that Hunter was all 'ohhhh no we cant tell them im a spooky Grimwalker!' But... why would anyone care? The only reason given is that hes a reincarnation of a guy nobody even knows or cares about. Theres not even like, a spooky myth about Grimwalkers because its got such a vague ruleset and premise. He's barely different from a demon.

That COULD have linked to the demon discrimination plotline youve talked about, but there is none so it cant be that. Which i understand was partially because Dana wanted the gays to just exist, so she scrapped discrimination in general. But, a big part of forming cultures and identity is 'Otherness'. People compare themselves to others and define themselves by how theyre different. So scrapping discrimination ends up making the witchs and demons feel like nothing. They have nothing to compare their identity and culture against because theres just no conflict to spark comparison.

This lack of substance also means the fans don't care about Grimwalkers. See the moring comic where the Grimwalker was turned into ANOTHER way to say 'haha Boscha so cringe amirite? point and laugh because she has nobody who loves her.' even though the grimwalker is to reincarnate the dead.

OH MY GOD I'M SO HAPPY SOMEONE ELSE NOTICED THAT! *SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER* Like I know Mark just writes Boscha how the entire fandom sees her (which hasn't helped me enjoy A Hint of Blue, not that I think it's good regardless) but seriously what the fuck!? Why do that to her except just to be mean!?

*sighs* What were we talking about? OH RIGHT! Grimmwalkers.

So for why Hunter has anxiety, it actually is because TOH is doing a very basic clone/artificial human storyline with Hunter and those arcs are actually a lot more internally motivated than externally motivated. Clone lives a life believing they're their own person, then one day finds out they're not, perceives themselves as less because of this distinction but then in the end decides that regardless of their origin, they are their own person and so throw off their shackles, embrace who they are and become better for it. It has nothing to do with race and while it is baby's first clone story, I also still like it conceptually because, well, there's a reason why it's the default clone story. It especially is good for kid's media because while the clone can struggle with the anxiety of it, their friends never have to actually be bad or discriminatory against them because the point is loving yourself for who you are and not who you were made to be.

But I've talked before about how this basic framework actually has a Catch 22 built into it when it comes to Hunter... Which apparently Tumblr wants to tell me I've never done before. Thanks search function. The short version is that this template requires not only a rejection of what they were made for but for them to become distinctly different, usually opposite, to their purpose/original. For Hunter, he only knows Belos so this takes shape in trying to be the opposite of him. The problem is that the opposite of Belos... Is Caleb. Who Hunter mimics in every action he takes after getting away from Belos. There's literally no way to follow this template without adding complexities like him accepting his true origin and being okay/happy with that, something that was probably unlikely in general but especially wasn't going to happen with the shortening, which I will actually give people for. Because the Grimmwalker twist happens so late, they either had to cut it or had no time to actually do anything with it which like... Why not cut it? You did nothing with it and it actually made sure you didn't have the time to actually have Hunter reject Belos' morality so that his redemption doesn't come across as self serving and for survival more than an actual, you know, change to his beliefs.

As for how interesting Grimmwalkers are... They're just clones. Boilerplate, boring clones. Make a body based on another person, put memories in, BAM! Got yourself a clone. Doesn't get more classic than that. It's hardly even magical honestly besides the components, especially with how it actually doesn't give them magic despite those components, or have weird quirks since they're not actually made of flesh and blood, elements that the fans have had a lot of fun with that the show never does, though admittedly part of that is due to how late it happens. Then again, all magic in TOH is boring so it's not likely they would have anyways. Also, you know, a lot of shows will do a single clone episode and have more fun and magic to it than TOH does with one of their core cast members being one so *shrug*

Now, for the final part, I do want to also touch on the 'other' aspect because while discrimination is one way to do it, you can get this across in other ways. One such way is the core defining trait of the Grimmwalker from a tangible standpoint: He doesn't have magic. In a society that mostly has magic, him not having it is a big deal. It's literally what gives him and Willow their first connection as a couple, as insulting as that scene actually should be to Hunter.

And then Hunter is 'fixed' when he gains his magic. His 'other' status removed because he's a real boy now. *SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*

I have so much more I could say about TOH and 'The Other' (made a blog about a lot of it between writing this draft and publish) but I'll leave it at that so it actually stays on topic instead of the half a dozen tangents I've deleted. None of this makes it good by the way and with how TOH tackles most subjects like this, it's incredibly unlikely that more time would have made it better. After all, being a Grimmwalker is only one of like a half dozen TANTALIZING character/arc concepts for Hunter that are never addressed. The fact that he is trained to kill witches and likely has. His relationship with the Isles because he doesn't have inherent magic. The fact that he is filled with such care for the nation and its government that it blocks out all else in his world. How a sheltered child reacts when they suddenly have freedom and are thrust into the wider world. Etc. etc. that are just footnotes to the writers more than anything to actually build a complete arc around or else they wouldn't have just keep adding to the angst bucket without actually resolving any of it.

So of course Grimmwalkers are bland while being a fine to good concept that's then made terrible by narrative implication or neglect. That's EVERYTHING to do with Hunter.

======+++++=====

Sidenote for this one: It is funny that Dana wanted there to be no bigotry in the Isles when her villains entire scheme is through religious persecution. You know, bigotry. Whole other blog I could go into.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[cityandking]

what's this? it's- it's kite with the steel chair!! A D M P fooooor kol, nellie annnnd a secret tool that will help us later?

oh jeez oh maker!! since I've been feeling So star wars lately I'm gonna do my star wars oc kel // AU ABCs

A. alternate universe. What kind of AU is your OC best suited to? Are there any AUs they're in already? What are they?

KOL — kol is too new for any established AUs but she’d be well suited for anything sort of technomilitaristic. star wars, star trek, something with established systems and hierarchies for her to feed into and break out of as the mood (or plot) takes her. I also just think she’d look good in a crisp space uniform

NELLIE — she’s not in any AUs right now, I think she’d do really well in a sort of middle/low magic setting. she’d make a great off-the-books healer/apothecary with minimal magic ability who accidentally ended up outside the usual constraints of her simple life and is just trying to keep her head above the water but enjoys the novelty a little too much to go back.

KELANI — kel also doesn’t have any established AUs except for the way her entire life is a star wars AU. honestly I don’t know how well suited she is for anything else? like I could go through the thought exercise but really she’s just seventeen star wars AUs in a trench coat (including a fix-it. on god we gotta get her at least one fix-it)

D. duplicate. How would your OC react to meeting their clone or doppelganger? What if they were a clone or doppelganger? How would they feel about that?

KOL — oh shit. oh god. Who Is That Other Dog. she’d react so badly. she already has enough issues with her self image and she’d be SO unsettled by another version of herself. if she were the duplicate she’d be almost relieved—at least it would mean that whatever she’s fucked up, it was just the mistake of her being some alternate version of the Real kolbara

NELLIE — she’d be equal parts unsettled and intrigued. she’d find her other self conceptually fascinating but she’s already dealing with people coming in and taking over her life and making it their own, and she’d be so uncomfortable facing literally another her. I think she’d refuse to accept she might be the duplicate—it’s her life and she’s not ready to let it go.

KELANI — if star wars has taught us anything it’s that if you’re a jedi, meeting your clone is gonna go Bad and should be Avoided At All Cost. I think kel would be open-minded enough to acknowledge her duplicate as a person but honestly she'd also be a little freaked. there are parts of herself she historically hasn’t liked so much and has worked very hard to regulate and grow past, and she might be a little nervous about what her duplicate is prioritizing and how much character growth she’s had. if she were the duplicate, it would be about the same—same awareness, same wariness. she’s got the wisdom to deal with things reasonably, she’d just be spooked

M. multiverse. Are there any points in your OC's life where things could have gone differently? Where else might they have ended up? How would your OC react to crossing the multiverse and meeting another version of themself?

KOL — yeah she could have not been shipped out to the empire military academy. better yet, she could have stopped the party from going after whatever devil shit was happening and sora wouldn’t be dead (she didn’t, though. she was fully on board with the devil shit). I think kol would be incredibly resentful meeting any version of herself that hasn’t fought and failed the way she has. like if she met a version of herself whose dad was still alive? it would be so over.

NELLIE — she could have kept her head down and not married above her station and lived a dull, boring, good-enough life as a mid-tier medic. unfortunately despite all the pain it’s brought her, she does consider her marriage—brief and tragic as it was—to be worth it. I think both versions of herself would pity the other one—canon!nellie would pity alt!nellie for never growing or knowing or fighting for that kind of love, and alt!nellie would pity canon!nellie for suffering so much for something she had for so brief a time

KELANI — there’s a point where she might have left the order (and maybe flirted a bit with the dark side tbh). her life wouldn’t be all that different—she’d still be traveling and trying to help, it would just be more with a blade and a blaster than through mediation and patience. I think she’d be disappointed by the version of herself that didn’t try to heal and grow (and that other kel would know the disappointment and resent it. they wouldn’t get along)

P. pacific rim au. What is your OC doing in a Pacific Rim AU? Are they drift compatible with anyone? What would their jaeger be called?

KOL — after sora died in an incursion when they were kids, she put every ounce of her stubbornness into getting through the ranger program and made it to cadet out of sheer grit-tooth determination. her compatibility is shit but it was just high enough to keep within program parameters, and she was a good enough fighter and strategist to make up for the drift issues. that was all well and good until she misaligned on an early mission and lost her (and her partner’s) jaeger. she was discreetly reassigned to some mid-tier support position (maybe LOCCENT operations, maybe military support). she’s too good to let go completely but she’s definitely lost her shine (and her confidence). her jaeger would have had some stupid name—Victory Horizon or something like that

NELLIE — she’d be a base medic. nursing background, mostly dealing with minor base incidents and basic post-incursion triage (and the triage after whatever engineering accident kills her husband oof), but after her husband dies she might end up working in a more science/experimental department (maybe something related to drift compatibility, or post-excursion neurological stuff). not sure if she’d be drift compatible with anyone. she certainly would NOT want to be in a jaeger

KELANI — jaeger pilot kel let's go!! honestly drifting is so jedi mind-meld coded. her OG partner ian died (or so she thought) and it really scarred her emotionally and she transferred a few times and even spent a few years away, but eventually she’d get back in the fight with a new up-and-coming pilot (ilar). the jaeger would be something-or-other Serenity and would be an absolute beast of a machine