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sugugasm · 3 months

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☆ CLICK TO PLAY ! ➜ 450 DEGREES

YOUR LEVEL IS STARTING SOON . . .

level quest : pov ur neighbor is a firefighter, and you love a man in uniform . . just as much as he loves your chocolate chip cookies.

☆ — a message from the developer : hiii i missed uguys sm, i’m so glad to be back for realsies this time :p don’t mind any mistakes or errors & before you read — nsfw content up ahead so pretty please read these warnings !!! strangers to lovers !!! age gap alert ➜ toji is 35 and reader is 25, mentions of sexual themes such as oral, vaginal penetration, pet names such as : sweetheart, angel, baby ofc, princess, honey, etc. usage of sexual terms and usage of terms describing female anatomy, uses she/her pronouns. firefighter! toji x baker! blk fem! reader 333 — word count : 8.0K or 9.0K, i lost track LOL

“fuck . .”

toji cut the engine of his ford pickup and sat for a moment, eyes closed, letting the silence wash over him. every muscle ached with exhaustion, the double shift of 48 hours catching up to him. he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept in an actual bed instead of snatching a few hours on the lumpy firehouse couch in between calls.

sighing, he grabs his duffel from the passenger seat and levers himself out of the truck. as he turns toward the house, a flash of color across the street quickly catches his attention. his new neighbor — you, out puttering in your postage stamp front yard, wearing a tank top the same vivid coral as the geraniums you were watering and cut-off jean shorts that barely qualified as clothing to any old, bitter bastard.

he’d seen you before. many times. whether it was while leaving for an early session at the gym as you walked your puppy, or his moving day . . where he could barely order around gojo and geto, struggling to tell them where they should place certain boxes due to hearing your alluring giggle coming from the house next door, your curls flowing in the breeze as you gossiped over iced lemonade with mrs. johnson on her porch.

his thoughts are interrupted when you glance toward him, face lighting up with a friendly smile as you spotted him. “hi there! nice to finally see you in the flesh instead of just passin’ headlights at odd hours of the night.”

“sorry about that.” toji hoped his answering smile passed for normal and not serial-killer exhausted. “i’m toji, toji fushiguro. i jus’ moved in last month.”

“well m’ yn. welcome to the neighborhood!” you propped a hand on one cocked hip, thoughtlessly drawing his eye to the thickness of your legs that almost looked golden in the sun lighting.

jesus.

realizing he was staring, he jerks his gaze back to your face, feeling his neck heat up at the idea of you catching on. “thanks. s’ a nice area. quiet.”

“i like to think we're a pretty welcomin’ bunch. in fact . . .” you bite your lip, looking almost shy for a second. “i was plannin’ to do some baking later, as a housewarming gift for all the newbies. any requests? cookies, muffins, scones? i make a mean cinnamon roll too.”

an unexpected warmth kindled in toji’s chest at the kindness of the offer. even as his stomach rumbled in anticipation, he couldn't remember the last time someone had gone out of their way to do something nice for him. sadly, baked goods didn't really tend to hold up well on 24-hour shifts.

“that’s really sweet of you, thanks. i love a good chocolate chip cookie, but i’ll happily be your guinea pig for anything.”

“sounds like a plan.” you graced him with another one of those classic, southern hospitality miles. “i’ll surprise you. they’ll be over before you know it!”

“looking forward to it. i better let you get back to . .” he waves a hand vaguely at the riot of flowers on your lawn, colors and smells galore.

“oh, right. see you soon then. welcome home!” with a small wave, you bend to retrieve the watering can, giving him an unobstructed view of her perky ass in those obscenely small shorts.

strangling a groan, toji spun on his heel and double-timed it into the house before you caught him ogling you like a creep. so much for a quiet neighborhood, he thought ruefully as the door shut behind him. you were gonna’ be one hell of a distraction, though some traitorous part of him looked forward to the temptation. it’d been way too long since he'd been around a pretty girl. maybe that's what all this edginess was - his libido waking up and taking notice after a long dry spell.

well, he'd just have to keep any wayward urges in check. no matter how mouthwatering you looked in tiny cutoffs, you were practically a decade younger and a neighbor, at that. off limits. he’d accept your baked goods, enjoy a little innocent flirting, but anything more was out of the question.

resolved, he headed for the shower, already counting the minutes until he could taste whatever delights you were whipping up for him.

the next morning, toji was on his second cup of coffee, basking in the rare luxury of an empty day ahead with no responsibilities, when the doorbell chimed. he opened it to find you, juggling a huge wicker basket with an equally enormous smile. the sweet scent of sugar, vanilla and chocolate wafted out to tease his nostrils so blissfully, just like how your sheer presence teased . . . other parts of him.

“g’mornin’,” you chirped. “i come bearing gifts from the sugar fairy.”

“so i smell . .” his mouth waters as he relieves you of the basket and ushers you inside, noting how your flowered sundress set off your peaches-and-cream personality. no shorts today, but the dress was nearly as enticing as it grasped on to your curves. he wondered if your skin would taste as good as you smelled, then mentally slapped himself.

down boy.

“i hope you don't mind me just droppin’ by like this. i wanted to catch you before you got busy.” your smile faltered slightly as you glanced around the spartan space with its generic bachelor furniture and decided lack of personal touches. “if s’ not a good time . .”

toji set the basket on the coffee table and turned to her, hands raised in mock surrender. “you came to my house bearin’ gifts of dessert. trust me, it's never gonna’ be a bad time. i may actually make some sort of sugar delivery beacon to summon you in the future.”

your laugh sounded a little relieved. “aww cute, sounds like my kind of bat signal. i’ll have to get you a spotlight shaped like a cupcake.”

“make it a cookie and you've got yourself a deal.” he grinned at you. “can i interest you in some coffee to go with whatever magic you've got in there? smells incredible.”

“coffee would be great, thank you.”

he led the way into the kitchen, noting how you took in details like the depressing lack of clutter and decoration. the only personal items were a handful of framed photos stuck to the fridge - him and his siblings as kids, his parents' wedding portrait, shots of fishing trips with his buddies — one with snow-white hair and the other with black. it struck him how sterile the space was, more like a way station than a home.

you didn't comment on it, instead you just leaned a hip on the counter and watched him pour a darkened substance into a ‘worlds worst morning person’ mug. there’s a comforting silence as he catches a whiff of your light perfume over the powerful espresso aroma - something floral and citrusy. it suited you.

“i wasn't sure what kind of treats you'd like, so i made a sampler of my greatest hits,” you say brightly. at his gesture, you unpack the basket, setting containers and various utensils on the table. “okay so . . we’ve got triple chocolate chip cookies, blueberry muffins, apple cinnamon scones, and my famous brown butter cinnamon rolls.”

“good lord,” toji shook his head in awe. “you made all this yesterday? after we spoke? do you even sleep?”

you laugh and accept the steaming mug he offered. “who needs sleep when there's sugar? besides, baking relaxes me. i love seeing people enjoy my creations.”

as if on cue, his stomach rumbles loudly, and you bit your lip against a smile. “sounds like someone's ready for a taste test. don’t be shy . . dig in.”

toji didn't need to be told twice. he selected a cinnamon roll, still warm from the oven, and bit in with a moan that would've been beyond embarrassing if his mouth wasn't full of heaven. “shit . . think i jus’ found my religion.”

you giggled that giggle that’d been stuck in his head since the day he heard it. “the cinnamon rolls tend to inspire a cult-like devotion. you haven't even tried em’ with the cream cheese frosting yet.”

he halted with the pastry halfway to his mouth for another rapturous bite. “there’s frosting too?”

in answer, you pulled a container from the basket with a flourish. “i figured you could handle adding your own so it didn't get soggy.”

“you’re an angel.” he slathered a generous amount of fluffy white frosting on the roll, not even caring that he probably looked like an overexcited kid.

watching him take another blissful bite, you cradled your coffee mug in both hands. “soo . . what d’you do that keeps you gettin’ home at such odd hours? i promise m’ not stalking you, but it's a quiet street. hard not to notice the comings and goings.”

toji washed down the sticky-sweet mouthful with a swig of coffee. “i’m a firefighter. we work 24-hour shifts, so my schedule can be pretty unpredictable."

interest sparked in your eyes. “really? that’s so cool! i bet you have some amazing stories.”

“eh. a few,” he allowed. truthfully he tried not to dwell on some of the things he'd seen, the memories that still occasionally jolted him awake in a cold sweat during the night. “it’s rewarding work, but not exactly a picnic for the social life.”

you give him a sympathetic look over the rim of her mug. “i can imagine. is that why you moved? needed a fresh start?”

“somethin’ like that. the job costed me my marriage a couple years back. got tired of walkin’ around the old place alone, so i thought a change of scenery might do me good.”

change of scenery in deed. toji even went as far as to relocate to a different state after his divorce with his wife. even the landscaping around the city had become too much of a heartache. what was once a happy, sensual marriage quickly turned sour the moment toji began working more. the position as chief hadn’t sounded that horrible in his head, but if he knew he’d come home one night - the clock reading exactly 3:17 am, to an unrecognizable man fast asleep in his bed, naked next to his wife, that that position could’ve waited. could’ve been passed on.

there’s a silent second between you two, your face still, “i-im so sorry,” you say softly, and toji feels relief when he sees that your eyes were warm with understanding, free of the pity he'd come to dread whenever his divorce came up in any other conversation he’d have with someone who didn’t know him.

he shrugged. “it is what it is. we married too young, grew apart. my hours didn't help. no hard feelings though.” he mustered up a wry smile. “what about you? you’re a little young to be living the retired grandma life, baking up a storm in the 'burbs.”

you grin, allowing him to lighten the mood. “hey, hey, hey, this grandma can party with the best of em’! fyi, i stayed up past 10 last saturday watching bad girls club.”

toji clutches his chest in feigned shock. “damn, so scandalous! what was the special occasion?”

“all have you know . . i was trying to perfect a new macaron recipe. passionfruit with dark chocolate ganache. they’re a fickle mistress though - one minute too long in the oven and they're as dry as bones.”

“sounds like bakin’ is more than jus’ a hobby for you,” he observed.

you toy with your mug. “it’s my whole life, really. i’m in my second year of culinary school, specializing in pastry arts. when i graduate, i’m hoping to open my own bakery. somewhere people feel welcome and cared for. a safe space, i suppose.” he stares, and you duck your head with an embarrassed laugh. “sorry for the tangent . . it probably sounds so silly.”

“not at all.” toji found himself impressed by the passion and dedication evident in your voice. you had a dream and you were going after it. he remembered that feeling. before the reality of adulthood had started chipping away at his own youthful idealism.

he wanted to say something to encourage you, to protect that light shining in your eyes for as long as possible. “for what it's worth, i think you're gonna’ be amazing,” he told you seriously, holding your gaze. “if this morning’s haul is any indication, you'll have lines around the block.”

you shield your smiling face sweetly. “that’s kind of you to say. i appreciate the vote of confidence. speaking of . .” you hesitate, then forge ahead. “m’ actually working on developing an original signature recipe for my final. multiple components, flavors, textures. the works.”

“sounds ambitious,” he said, eyebrows raised. “what’d you have in mind?”

your eyes sparkle with enthusiasm at the question, the thought of genuine curiosity making your heart flutter. “deconstructed black forest cake. dark chocolate cake, kirsch-soaked cherries, vanilla bean whipped cream. i wanna’ play with it, update it. maybe turn it into a trifle or a parfait of some sort.”

toji was no culinary expert. hell - he didn’t even know what half of those things were, but even he could tell you were on to something special. “that’s incredible, yn. lemme’ guess - you need a guinea pig?”

you bite your lip nervously, smile turning impish. “i didn't wanna’ impose, but since you offered the other day . . how would you like to be my official taste-tester? i can't really pay you, but you'll get free rein to sample every variation.”

“where do i sign up?” he was only half joking. even if your creations turned out to be awful, which he highly doubted, any excuse to spend more time with you sounded like a win.

you laugh. “i think i can waive the usual application process on account of the fact that you're doing me a huge favor. plus, it means you won't be able to avoid me constantly showing up at your door to force-feed you desserts.”

“oh no. however will i cope.” he feigned a put-upon sigh.

you shot him a look of amused reproof as she packed up the empty containers. “try to contain your disappointment. i promise to space out surprise sugar bombings. wouldn’t wanna’ make you sick of me or my baking."

“i don’t really think i ever could . . to be honest,” he declared firmly. on impulse, he reaches out to still your fluttering hands with his own. your skin was so soft and warm, sending a tingle zipping up his arm. your breath pauses at the contact and your eyes flew to his, startled.

“i mean it,” he said, voice gone low and intent as he tries to infuse sincerity into every word. “i can't imagine ever getting tired of you. or your company.”

for a suspended moment you just stare at each other in silence. then you swallow, sounding a little breathless as you replied, “likewise. m’ really glad you moved in, toji.”

“me too,” he said roughly. and though he knew he shouldn't, that he was venturing into dangerous territory, he allowed himself to stroke the delicate bones of your wrist with his thumb. just once, to feel your shiver lightly in response. then he released you and stepped back, moving to hold the door open for you in unspoken signal.

“i’ll get out of your hair now,” you murmured as you gathered the empty basket with hands that trembled just slightly. “but i’ll see you soon? for taste testing purposes, of course.”

“absolutely,” he confirmed. “anytime. y’know where to find me.”

with a final nod and smile, you slipped out the door. he watched you go, admiring the sway of your hips, the bounce of your hair, already counting the minutes until he'd see you again.

you were gonna’ end him, so so sweetly too., he realized with a trace of fatalism.

but what a way to go, huh? death by cinnamon rolls.

the day of the first official tasting arrived, and toji found himself unaccountably nervous as he approached your door. he felt a like an awkward kid picking up his prom date, palms sweaty and heart knocking around his ribs. which was ridiculous. this wasn't a date. just two neighbors getting together to sample some sweets. totally casual.

never mind that he'd changed his shirt three times, vacillating between wanting to look nice for you and not wanting to seem like he was trying too hard. he’d finally settled on a plain black tee and his least disreputable pair of jeans, adding a hint of cologne as an afterthought.

now, standing on your stoop, he wished he'd brought something. flowers maybe — lillie’s like the ones in your garden, or perhaps wine. did people bring wine to taste testing sessions? probably not. you’d most likely think he was a presumptuous idiot.

shaking his head at his own weird bout of nerves, he raised his hand to knock. before his knuckles could connect, the door swung open to reveal you, looking adorably pretty and flustered. you were wearing a frilly pink apron over a gauzy white sundress scattered with tiny red cherries. your hair was bundled on top of your head in a haphazard knot, loose curls escaping to dance around your swelled cheeks. a dusting of cocoa powder streaked one of them.

“toji - oh, you’re right on time! m’ runnin’ a bit behind, so sorry. come on in.” you stepped back to let him enter and he caught a blend of tantalizing scents - rich chocolate, sweet cherries, warm vanilla, and underneath, the subtle floral musk that was purely you. it made his head swim and his stomach clench with a hunger that had absolutely nothing to do with the promise of dessert.

he followed you into the kitchen, blinking a bit as he took in the transformation. when he'd helped you carry in groceries a few days ago, the room had been tidy and quaint, with cheerful yellow walls and kitschy retro appliances. now every surface was strewn with baking detritus - bowls, whisks, spatulas, piping bags. the air was hazy with a fine mist of flour and powdered sugar, swirling in the slanting sunlight.

incongruously delicate paper doilies serving as placemats were scattered with miniature cakes, puddles of sauce, and billows of snowy cream. it looked like a fancy bakery had exploded all over the place.

“as you can see, i’ve been experimenting with a few different iterations of the concept,” you said with a small smile, waving a hand at the sugary chaos. “couldn’t settle on just one. i thought i’d get your input n’ then we could narrow it down together.”

“i’m at your service,” he told you gallantly, skating his gaze over the counter. “i’ll warn you though, my palate isn't exactly refined. you might end up with the bland 'it all tastes good' as feedback.”

you giggled. “i’ll take it. okay, let's start basic.” you gestured for him to take a seat at the flour-dusted table and set a plate in front of him. on it perched a generous slice of cake, glossy with ganache, accompanied by a scarlet swoosh of what he assumed was the cherry compote. a dollop of whipped cream, flecked with black speckles, completing the overall masterpiece look.

toji quickly picked up the fork and took a bite, closing his eyes to focus on the flavors. the cake was intensely chocolate, the ganache dark and silky. tart-sweet cherries burst on his tongue, balanced by the subtle fragrance of the vanilla-specked cream.

“damn,” he mumbled around the mouthful. “fuckin’ fantastic, yn.”

you beam, looking relieved. “yeah? the cake recipe took a while to get right. i wanted something more . . . complex than a standard chocolate cake, so i used black cocoa powder to really amp up the flavor. n’ i even added a little coffee to enhance the chocolate.”

“s’ a winner,” he assured you. “i dunno’ how you could improve on it, honestly.”

“oh i have a few ideas,” your smile turned mysterious. “you haven't seen anything yet.”

over the next hour, you walked him through several variations. chocolate cake layered with cherry compote and kirsch-soaked chocolate cake crumbs, topped with cocoa whipped cream. dark chocolate and cherry bread pudding drizzled with cherry coulis. chocolate panna cotta with drunken cherries and cherry gelée . . . and toji sampled them all, humming with pleasure while you watched him anxiously. your initial nerves seemed to melt away as you lost yourself in describing the ins and outs of each dish - the technical challenges, the way certain flavors complemented or contrasted, ideas for garnishes and plating.

he found himself captivated by your intensity, the way your whole being lit up when you talked about your craft. it was more than just a job or a hobby for you . . . it was a calling. he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt that kind of soul-deep passion for anything. couldn’t take his eyes off the way your slender hands sketched shapes in the air, punctuating your words. delicate, clever hands that created so much beauty.

“earth to toji,” teased, waving one of those mesmerizing hands in front of his face. “did i lose you? too much of a sugar crash?”

toji blinked and refocused on your amused expression, realizing he'd been caught woolgathering like an idiot. “sorry, just slipped into a brief dessert coma. what were you saying?”

“i was asking what you think of this last one. it’s the more . . . wildcard of the bunch.” you pushed a small glass toward him. it looked like a miniature trifle, with layers of cake and cream, a vivid cherry layer in the middle, and a fan of shaved chocolate on top.

he dug in and had to suppress an absolutely obscene moan. the combination was incredible - velvety smooth, creamy, rich, and fruity, with a kick from what had to be a generous glug of kirsch. sweet but not cloying, a sophisticated twist on a classic.

“i think we have a winner,” he managed, not even caring that his voice came out husky. “if you're going for adding a 'wow' factor, this is it.”

you stand on your tippy-toes, looking hopeful. “you think? i couldn't decide if it was too out there. verrines aren't exactly traditional black forrest cake material.”

“doesn’t matter. it’s a showstopper. interesting to look at, fun to eat, n’ the flavor is phenomenal.” he scraped the glass clean with his spoon, not wanting to waste a drop.

your smile could've lit up the city block. “thank you, toji. you don't know how much it means to me, you bein’ here. lettin’ me talk your ear off and stuff you with treats. it really . . helps a lot."

“believe me, it's my pleasure,” he said, returning her smile with one of his own. “i haven't had this much fun in . . i can't even remember how long. i like seein’ you in your element.”

you both just grin goofily at each other for a moment, the air feeling thicker. then you hopped up and began clearing the table, stacking dishes and bustling around the small space.

“y’know i feel bad, you feedin’ me all these goodies without me contributing anything,” toji said, rising to help. “at least lemme’ take you out for a meal that isn't 90% butter and sugar. you must be sick of cookin’, day in and day out.”

you slanted him a glance, tucking a stray curl behind one ear. “m’ not, actually. it never feels like a chore. but i . . wouldn't say no to dinner out. if you're sure you don't mind.”

mind? he’d been trying to come up with an excuse to spend more time with you, and here you were gift wrapping one for him. “i’d love to,” he said firmly. “s’ the least i can do. and i’d like to hear more about this final project of yours. when do you present it?”

“next month,” a shadow crossed your expressive face, there and gone in a blink. “m’ tryin’ not to think too much about it yet. one step at a time, y’know?”

he recognized that look. the flickering uncertainty, the hint of stage fright. he’d worn it himself, back before his first real fire. wanting so badly to prove himself, to show what he was made of, terrified of choking.

impulsively, he reached for your hand, halting her flitting movements. your fingers curled reflexively around his, warm and strong. “look at me . . . you got this. you’re a star, you're gonna’ impress the hell outta’ your professors.”

you swallowed hard, eyes searching his. looking for the belief you couldn't quite muster on your own. “i hope so. i want it so much, toji. this . . all of it. it’s all i’ve ever wanted.”

“then don't let fear hold you back,” he told you gently. “don’t doubt yourself. you have a gift, mama. i know m’ a dumb scrub who can barely tell a macaron from a macaroon, but even i can see that you were born for this shit.”

your hand squeezed his, almost painfully tight. from both the nickname rolling off his tongue so elegantly and the encouragement that you sometimes failed to receive from your closest peers. “thank you, seriously,” you whispered. “for believin’ in me, i guess. it means a lot to me . . .”

he squeezes back, thumb sweeping over your knuckles. he had a sudden, wild urge to haul your into his arms. to soothe the worry from your brow with his lips, to show you with his hands and body and breath how special you were. how much he'd come to care for you in such a short time.

but he couldn't. however strong the pull, however much he wanted to cross that line, he knew it would be a mistake. you weren’t for him, this shining woman with stardust in her eyes. and he was in no position to offer you anything real. he needed to remember that.

so he contented himself with a soft “anytime,” and released your hand, stepping back to a safer distance. “now, about that dinner. friday work for you?”

you blinked, then hitched your smile back into place. it wobbled a bit at the edges, but he pretended not to notice. “friday’s great. s’ a . . . plan.”

even through the awkwardness, the unspoken words clogging the air between you, a little thrill went through him. it’s a date, you’d almost said. and god help him, he wished it was — that’s why you settled on making plans to try the new, cozy italian restaurant that had opened downtown, the one you’d mentioned wanting to visit after a neighborhood watch meeting one night. it was intimate . . . romantic. toji walked home with a lightness in his step, an unfamiliar flutter in his gut. he was in trouble, he knew he was. you were trouble in ways he hadn't encountered before. you made him feel too much.

more than he ever had.

but he was in too deep to back out now. all he could do was try to keep a clear head, keep things casual and platonic. be your friend and supporter, nothing more. his life, his job . . there was no room for complications.

even if he was beginning to suspect it was already far too late.

the days leading up to friday passed in a blur of anticipation and nerves, though toji did his best to ignore both. ‘it isn’t a date. she’s not into you. this isnt a fuckin’ date . . .’ he reminded himself sternly, no matter how much his idiot heart wanted to pretend otherwise. just dinner between neighbors. a thank you for your tireless taste testing efforts. nothing to get all hot n’ bothered about.

so then why the fuck had he changed outfits half a dozen times before settling on the nicest button-down he owned and a new pair of dark wash jeans? why had he agonized over whether to bring flowers or wine or both . . again? this was so embarrassing. he was so embarrassing. he’d think being married once would've meant he had at least a little bit of game . . but nope - he had nothing.

taking a deep breath, he knocked on your door at precisely 7pm. when it swung open to reveal you, his lungs almost stopped in their tracks. you looked no less than stunning in a ruffled dress, in the pretty shade of baby-pink, your hair tumbling over your bare shoulders - half up, half down and bumped at the ends. a slim gold chain nestled in the hollow of your throat, shamefully drawing his eyes down to the swells of your titties.

“fuck . .” he said inanely, tongue suddenly clumsy in his mouth. “m’ so sorry. forgive me, i mean, you look . . absolutely amazing.”

a shy smile curved your lips, brightening your whole face up. “thanks . . so do you, toji.” your eyes skimmed over him appreciatively and he fought the urge to preen.

“o-oh, these are for you.” he thrusts the slightly wilted grocery store bouquet at you, wincing inwardly at his own awkwardness.

but you just smile, cradling the limp blooms like they were something so precious. “how sweet of you! i love daisies. lemme’ jus’ put these in some water and we can go.” you disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him to marvel at how such a simple gesture could delight you so thoroughly. damn, you were so lovely. inside and out.

the drive to the restaurant was filled with easy conversation interspersed with comfortable silences. toji let you be in control of the radio, secretly charmed by your off-key humming to the cheesy pop songs in rotation on your playlist. he could imagine countless nights like this, aimless drives with no destination in mind, just content to be in your company with no one to bother.

and dinner was a laughter-filled affair, trading bites of pasta and garlicky bread, arguing playfully over the merits of various desserts. you entertained him with customer service horror stories from your barista days, confessing your penchant for ‘accidentally’ giving rude patrons decaf.

in turn, toji found himself sharing more than he usually did - funny anecdotes about his buddies at the firehouse, his worries about his little sister starting college in the fall, even a bit about his dad. the words came without effort, drawn out by your natural warmth and empathy.

he couldn't remember the last time he'd enjoyed anyone's company so effortlessly.

when the check came, he wouldn't let you even reach for it. you rolled your eyes but allowed him to pay, primly informing him you were getting the next one. his stomach flipped at the unthinking promise of a next time.

you then lingered over coffee and dessert - the restaurant's version didn't even hold a candle to your black forest verrines, but you were too polite to say so - neither wanting the evening to end. toji watched you lick chocolate from your spoon, entranced by the tiny pink flash of your tongue. wishing he could lean in and taste the sweetness of your mouth. a pleasant shiver chased over his skin, heat simmering low in his belly. he’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted you - this maddening mix of tender and carnal, the urge to both protect and possess.

“mmm,” you purred appreciatively, pulling the spoon from your mouth with an obscene pop. “whoever said that chocolate isn’t better than sex clearly hadn't tasted chocolate like this.”

toji swallowed hard, adam's apple bobbing convulsively in his throat. “playin’ with fire are we?” he manages to rasp, fingers clenching around his mug.

you placed the spoon delicately on your empty plate, fingers lingering just long enough to draw his attention to their graceful dance. “who says i’m playin’, handsome?” you quip.

he was so fucked. so. totally. fucked.

afterwards, he walked you to your door, hands shoved deeply n’ awkwardly into his pockets to keep from doing something stupid like reaching for your hand. you then hovered on the stoop, the sultry summer night pressing in close.

“i had fun tonight,” you softly. in the light spilling from your living room window, your eyes were luminous. hopeful. “we should really do it again sometime.”

“we should,” he agreed, mouth dry. he couldn't look away from your face, tracing the delicate arch of your brows, the dark feathering of your lashes. you swayed closer, tipping your face up to his, and his heartbeat kicked into overdrive. god, you were killing him.

it took every ounce of willpower to step back, to force a chuckle past the ache in his chest. “well i should let you get your beauty sleep. early start tomorrow, right?” your smile faltered, a brief tightening around your eyes hinting at disappointment. he almost caved right then, almost said to hell with his reservations and dragged you into his arms the way he'd been dying to do all night.

but he couldn't. not when he had nothing more to offer you than heartache.

“right,” you murmured. “beauty sleep. so important for . . . baking.” you fumbled for your keys, not quite meeting his gaze. “i’ll see you round’ then.” he could only watch you retreat into the house, torn between relief at the bullet dodged and an overwhelming sense of loss.

wearily, he turned to go back to his own quiet home. he’d done the right thing. the smart thing. so why did it feel so damnably hollow?

avoidance was the order of the day after that near-miss. though it pained him, toji forced himself to keep some distance, to not make up flimsy excuses to show up on your doorstep at all hours of the night. no more dessert development sessions, no matter how much he craved the sight of you gushing and twirling over your latest creations. no more cute, little dinners with furtive hand holding under the table.

he threw himself into work with even more zeal than usual, pulling extra shifts and helping out with the neverending station chores. if the guys ribbed him about his sudden devotion to alphabetizing the equipment room or polishing the engine to a blinding shine, he shrugged it off. it was loads better than going home to an empty house haunted by what-ifs.

he ached to see you though. sometimes he'd catch a glimpse of you catering to your garden or heading off to the market, and his fingers would itch with the urge to go to you, to close the seemingly unbridgeable gap between you both with long strides and strong arms. more than once he'd picked up his phone to call you, thumb hesitating over your smiling face in his contacts until he cursed and tossed the phone aside.

it was for the best, he told himself firmly. you had your whole life ahead of you - school and internships, building your dream from the ground up. he’d only get in the way, bog you down with his everlasting issues and cynicism. he wouldn't, couldn't be the dead weight holding you back.

even if letting you go felt like tearing himself in half.

he should've known you wouldn't let him slink away so easily. that for all your sweetness, you were just as stubborn as he was. you’d never been one to give up on the things - or people - you wanted.

which bring us to now . . you ambushing him on his way home from a grueling 48-hour shift, looking unfairly pretty and indignant as you marched across the street to plant yourself in front of his truck. he barely bit back a groan, exhaustion and longing a potent cocktail in his bloodstream.

“hey, stranger,” you said archly, fine brows drawn together in a scowl. “long time no annoy.”

he cut the engine and climbed out, suddenly self-conscious about his unwashed, smoke-saturated state. “hi, yn. how’s it going?”

“ah, y’know. jus’ workin’ myself to the bone, trying to perfect this dessert that's only the culmination of my entire academic career thus far. while also attempting to figure out how i mysteriously pissed off my friend to the point of complete radio silence.” your arms crossed over your chest, a hint of hurt flickering in your eyes, “so yeah . . the usual.”

guilt lodged under his breastbone, sharp and corroding. he’d never meant to upset you, to make you think any of this was at all your fault. “shit, yn. i’m sorry . . i didn’t mean to ignore you, i’ve just been so -”

“busy . .” you finished for him, mouth flattening. “mhm, i’ve noticed. so busy you ignored all my calls n’ texts - missed our dinner the other night too. you’ve been practically living at the station lately.”

he grimaced, one hand scrubbing over his stubbled jaw. he’d never been any good with words, with making excuses. especially when faced with eyes that seemed to see right through his every defense, “you’re right. i’ve been avoiding you. but not because of anything you did. i jus’ . . needed some space to clear my head.”

your arms tightened, gaze dropping to the oil-stained pavement. “i thought we were having fun,” you said quietly. “gettin’ to know each other. but if i misread things, if i made you uncomfortable in any way i really am so sorr . . .”

“no.” he interrupted fiercely, taking an involuntary step closer. close enough to smell the light, citrusy scent of you, to see the faint mascara smudges of sleeplessness under your eyes. “you didn't misread anything, yn. these past weeks, spendin’ time with you . . . s’ been amazing. the most fun i’ve had in years, if i’m being honest.”

confusion clouded your expression. “then why?”

“because m’ a goddamn mess,” he bit out, the truth clawing its way up his throat. “because you’re brilliant, and you’re goin’ places . . n’ i wouldn’t be able to give you my time in the way that i know you more than deserve. i wanna smell muffins in the mornin’ . . not the smell of musty men and water hoses.”

he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before sitting his stuff on the hood of his car, “i jus’,” he started, “i’ve done the dating thing, alright? the marriage thing too, y’know that. i jus’ . . i cant afford to lose another person in my life that i care about — not when i’ve come this far to prevent it n’ when they’re as sweet and pretty, and as kind as you.” you stand in silence, letting him vent, “i’m not perfect. m’ terrible at cooking, i sing in the shower, n’ on top of all that i fuckin’ snore like a grizzly bear. ya’ still want me now?”

you took a step forward, hand coming up to fist in the front of his t-shirt. he inhaled sharply at the sudden press of your soft curves against his hard planes, the way your gaze dropped to his mouth.

“yeah, you grumpy old fuck . . i still want you,” you whispered fiercely. “mess, snores and all.”

he softened as you pressed a kiss onto his cheek, gentle and warm with truce, “i have my own damn baggage. y’think thats stoppin’ me from goin’ after what i want? no. so jus’ stop bein’ such an asshole n’ kiss me alread - mmph!” — that was it. that was the straw that’d broken the camel’s back. with a muttered curse, his control had finally snapped. he hauled you flush against him, one arm banding around your waist as the other hand sank into your hair, cradling the back of your head. you made a soft, needy sound and surged up on tiptoe, sealing your mouth to his.

the first touch of your lips was electric, a livewire straight to his core. they were exactly as soft and sweet as he'd imagined, moving over his with an urgency that matched his own. he angled his head to slant his mouth more firmly over your, licking at the seam of your lips as you licked on the scar on his.

he swept his tongue into your mouth, stroking over yours, swallowing the low moan that vibrated in her throat. you tasted like peppermint and the vaguest hint of sugar, an addictive flavor he already knew he'd never get enough of. your arms twined around his neck, blunt nails scraping deliciously at his nape as you pressed impossibly closer.

dimly, he registered the whoops and catcalls of a passing group of neighbors, but he couldn't bring himself to care. let em’ gawk. the whole damn neighborhood could come out to watch and he still wouldn't be able to tear himself away from your sweetness.

he was a man possessed.

the kiss deepened, turning hot and hungry. toji backed you up against his front door, hands roaming greedily over your curves as he pressed the hard length of his body into your soft warmth. you made yet another sound into his mouth, lifting one leg to wrap around his hip, opening yourself up to him.

he tore his lips from yours only to trail open-mouthed kisses down the column of your throat, tasting the salt on your skin from the sweat of the hot summer sun. “fuck . . i want you,” he growled against your pulse point. “wanna’ touch you, taste you, feel you. if you’ll let me . . of course.”

“wow, such a gentlemen,” you gasped, hands scrabbling at his shoulders. “please fuckin’ do, toji.” patience fraying, he fumbled for his keys and somehow managed to get the door open without releasing you. you stumbled over the threshold, shedding clothes haphazardly between searing kisses - your flimsy blouse fluttering to the floor, followed by smoke stained his t-shirt.

toji walked you backwards down the hall to his bedroom, kicking the door shut before tossing you onto the bed. he followed you down, covering your entire frame with his own, reveling in the feel of all your bare skin finally against him. you were a vision in the spill of afternoon light, curls fanned across his pillow, pink lace bra and panties a tantalizing contrast to your brown skin.

he took a moment just to admire you, committing every detail to memory. the rapid rise and fall of your chest, the way your lips parted on shallow breaths. heavy-lidded eyes hazy with want and something deeper, more tender.

“been dreamin’ about you, princess. shit - you’re so gorgeous.” he rasped, nipping at your earlobe with each word, “so pretty, so beautiful, so smart.”

you shivered, fingernails raking over his shoulders, “nngh - c’mon stoppit, toji . .” growling low in his throat, he captured your lips in a nasty kiss, all teeth and tongue. large hands cupping your full titties, calloused thumbs rubbing your nipples into stiff peaks. and you arched into his touch with a moan, shameless in your pleasure.

“someone’s eager, hm?”

breaking the kiss, he began to work his way down your body, mapping every dip and curve with lips and teeth and tongue. he paid thorough attention to your titties, laving at the dark-brown nipples until you were panting and squirming beneath him.

“b-baby, please . .” you whimpered, fingers sinking into his hair to urge him lower.

he only chuckled darkly against your flesh. “patience, sweetheart. m’ not goin’ anywhere. let me love you.”

true to his word, he set about exploring you - kissing a meandering path down your ribs and belly, dipping his tongue into your navel just to hear you gasp. strong hands gripped your thighs, pushing them further and further apart so he could settle more comfortably between them.

hooking his fingers in your lacy panties, he dragged the scrap of fabric down your legs. “fuck yeah, look at you. so wet for me already. look at this pussy . .”

you mewled as he licked a broad stripe up your slit, circling your puffy clit with the tip of his tongue. he sealed his lips around the sensitive nub and sucked, fingers delving into your soaked entrance, curling to find that special spot inside you.

“o-ooh my god — yes!” your back bowed off the bed, a vibration spreading down your chest as he worked you higher. he paid close attention to your most tender skin, alternating between broad, flat licks and quick, targeted flicks. crooking his fingers just so, he rubbed and rubbed until he found — “ah f-fuck!” your g-spot, feeling your thighs start to tremble around his head.

“thas’ it, bunny - cum on my tongue. i wanna’ see it all, mama. c’mon, i know you can do it,” the filthy words combined with the relentless stimulation quite literally pushed you over the edge . . and you came with a sharp cry, gushing your juices all over his lips and chin. he groaned at the taste of you, lapping up every last drop, addicted already.

while you were still quivering and coming down from your high, toji fumbled blindly for the nightstand drawer. he managed to retrieve a condom without taking his eyes off of you. ripping open the packet with his teeth, he sat back on his knees to quickly sheath himself.

you took the opportunity to admire his body, running appreciative hands over his muscular chest and abdomen. he was all tanned skin and chiseled muscle, a sparse trail of dark hair pointing the way to his impressive erection. it jutted from a thatch of coarse curls, thick and flushed nearly purple, the bulbous head glistening with excitement.

wrapping your fingers around his rigid length, you stroked him base to tip, twisting your wrist on the upstroke so that the condom slips right back off. toji grunted, hips bucking into your touch as you rubbed your thumb over the leaking slit. you pause, your mouth watering as you begin to lower your head down. you press the side of your face against his thigh, peering up at him with batting lashes and a poked lip. your ass is arched - high in the air and wiggling as if you just wanted him to smack it.

that’s when you began slapping his heavy dick against your cheek, repeatedly, “so big, baby,” you whisper, now positioning your face to where his cock could sit right on top of it - “can i put it in m’mouth? please . .?”

“yn you don’t have to -”

“i want to.”

toji looked down at you once more, the look of want in your eyes . . . how could he resist?

he gently grabs the side of your neck, firm but not firm enough to cause pain, his other hand curling around the base of his cock as he whispered, “open wide. tongue out,” biting his lip as he braces himself for the sensation of your mouth wrapped around him.

that’s when your wet tongue dances out tentatively, tracing the ridge of his head before retreating back to safety inside your mouth. it was clear that you were just as lust filled as him. toji could feel himself pulsing with need as you took him in deeper and deeper, a low groan escaping him, “shit, doll - got it all to fit . . good girl.” your hands gripped his hips tightly, nails digging into his skin as you bobbed your head up and down. toji swore he could fall in love with the simple, yet beautifully disgusting sound of your throat — gawk, gulp, gawk! ugh, they were such disgusting noises - some gagging here, some moaning there, but he couldn’t have asked for anything better. you were slobbing, spitting, and choking on his dick and the only thing getting in your way from taking him whole was the fact that his size was still fairly new to you.

“sss’ ooh fuck - b-baby . . yn -” he hisses, both your eyes and his rolling to the back of your heads as you continue to gulp him down, spit trickling down to your tits as they jiggled to the rhythm of your mouth. each and every glide against your tongue was starting to overpower him, and before he knew it, if you didn’t stop he was bout’ to —

“cum . . m’gonna cum! m’fuckin’ cumming - asshhit . .” he groaned, eyes tightly closing as you continued to deepthroat him the best you could, “don’t stop, keep suck - y-yes . .” it was a hassle - a big one, but the taste of him warm cum painting your throat felt like a sweet reward.

almost sweeter than your baked goods.

whining and still aching to suck on him some more, toji pulls you off in fear of shaking more than he already was — and the sight of you with his cum dripping out of your mouth only did the complete opposite.

“uh, well then . . how’d i do?” you say shyly, as if you hadn’t just completely slutted out your mouth for your next door neighbor.

a surprised bark of laughter escaped him even as his cock jerked at you eagerly. “don’t exile me, but that mouth . . shit, might be better than your cookies. not gonna’ lie, sweetheart . .” toji growled, and you pout as he’s prowling back over you. you then watch him slowly, his fingers unexpectedly plunging back into your pussy as he scoops some of your wetness onto the pad of them before pulling them back out. he fists the base and tip of himself, smothering his cock in your juices as lubricant as he teases your entrance with a few pats n’ nudges. fuckin’ tease. he kept on until you were angrily swatting his chest to put the damn thing in already.

who could blame your lust? after all . . you’d been dreaming about it for weeks now.

yet again, he snags another rubber, strokes a little, and once he’s in, “oh s-shit that pussy's tight, baby . .” he’s in. you moaned in tandem, dick snuggling into your tight walls inch by excruciating inch. you were warm and wet and perfect around him, gripping him like a silken vise. it was magical, just like you - but the look on your face . . oh that look, almost seemed like you wanted to be broken. with your arms above your head, your titties swaying against your chest and your whines now hoarse n' pleading — he kinda wanted to break you too.

toji started with slow, deep strokes, mindful of your tightness and his considerable girth. he didn't want to hurt you, wanted to savor every clench and flutter around his aching cock. wanted this to last, to burn this moment into his brain forever.

“f-feel so fuckin' good wrapped around me,” he gritted out, hips rolling in a lazy figure eight that had you keening. “y’so wet, honey . . dick feel that good?”

“toji,” you whimpered brokenly, fingernails scoring down his flexing back. “more, please . . need it harder . .”

and how could he deny you anything when you begged so sweetly? bracing his weight on his forearms, he obliged, snapping his hips forward with more force. the headboard started to thump against the wall, the mattress creaking beneath your writhing bodies.

“like that, baby? hm?” he panted against your throat, sweat beading at his temples as he drove into you again and again, his cock damn near slipping out of you from the slippery speed. “this what you need? me splittin' this pretty pussy open?”

“yes d-daddy . . ” you wailed, back arching like a drawn bow. your cunt was fluttering around him, a telltale sign of your impending orgasm. “aah - don't stop, don’t stop, m'so close!”

“shh, i got you,” he promised, shifting the angle of his hips to grind against your clit with every thrust. “gonna’ make this pussy sing for me, gonna’ wring the cum outta’ you 'til you're shakin' on me. you want that?” his filthy words seemed to be your undoing because suddenly you were clenching down on him like a vice, a sharp cry tearing from your throat as you thrashed beneath him. your release gushed hot and slick around his pistoning length, drenching his groin and thighs with sweetness.

“f-fuck yeah,” toji choked out, his own rhythm faltering as your rippling walls threatened to milk him dry. “good girl, sweetheart, cream on this dick, lemme’ feel you.” he managed a handful more erratic thrusts before his own orgasm crashed into him like a freight train. he buried himself to the hilt and stilled, a hoarse shout muffled into your sweat damped shoulder as he spilled himself into the condom. his cock jerked and twitched with every pulse, vision nearly whiting out with the force of it.

for long moments, you both just shook and gasped, clinging to each other as aftershocks rolled through your bodies. toji's heart was thundering so hard he was sure you could feel it through his sweat-slick chest. he'd never come so hard in his life, never felt so utterly shattered and remade.

you made a soft, satisfied sound as he carefully withdrew from your heat, rolling to the side to dispose of the condom with a quick knot. then he was gathering you close again, palm smoothing up your spine as you burrowed into him with a sigh.

“shit,” you eventually mumbled into the heated skin of his throat. “that was . . .”

“ . . fuckin' heavenly,” he finished roughly, a laugh rumbling in his chest as he felt your answering huff of amusement. “m’ sorry i uh . . came so fast. i don’t usually -”

“did you just apologize to me because my pussy is good?” you teased, dragging your nose along the edge of his stubbled jaw. he could feel the curve of your smile, the unabashed joy, and it settled something deep within him. soothed the ragged pieces he'd thought long broken.

“damn straight,” he agreed, arms tightening around you possessively. “i can die a happy man now.”

“well, you're not allowed to die on me now, toji. you're stuck with me. escape if you can.”

“mm, is that right,” he nuzzled into your hair, breathing in the scent of you - all warm woman and satisfaction.

“mhmm. you're not getting rid of me easily. i still have so many desserts to force on you, so many early morning baking sessions to drag you into . .”

he laughed outright at that, at the sheer exuberance in your voice. “promises, promises.”

“oh i always keep my promises, mister. which reminds me . .” you pushed up on an elbow, eyes sparkling with mischief and something deeper. something that snatched the breath from his lungs. “i seem to remember you saying something about round two . .”

“did i? care to refresh my memory?” he growled, even as he was already rolling you beneath him again, mouth seeking yours. you then feel his palm colliding with your ass in a gentle spank. “what am i gonna’ do with you?”

“everything.” you breathed against his lips, a vow. “anything. i want you, toji. want everything with you.” and fuck, what could he say to that? what could he do but kiss you like a promise, a prayer, and proceed to show you just how much he wanted that too? wanted to give you everything, anything, all he had to offer?

he'd never been a man of many words. but this - loving you with hands and mouth and body, breaking you apart and putting you back together again and again until you were both sweat-soaked and shaking . . this he could do. this he would do for the rest of his life if you'd let him.

“you’ve got me.”

and from the joyous half-sob of his name as he sank back into your pussy, the way your body opened for him like a flower to the sun, he had a feeling you just might too.

there would be time for more words later - time for confessions and plans and mapping out a future he'd never even let himself dream of before. time to make good on promises whispered into heated skin, to build something real and lasting brick by brick. but for now, in the honeyed afternoon light with your legs wrapped around his waist and your heart in his hands . . let himself get lost. let himself drown in sensation and emotion, in this miraculous woman he didn't deserve but who'd chosen him anyway.

from lost to found, in the space of a heartbeat. and all because an angel in a garden had smiled at him across a sunny street and offered up a little piece of heaven. he'd never know what he'd done to deserve you, or this second chance. but he'd spend the rest of his days earning this gift, cherishing it.

cherishing you.

that was a promise. and like his beautiful girl . . toji fushiguro always kept his promises.

©️ SATORUBI - please do not copy, translate, or modify my work without my approval ! thank you for playing . . the challenge has only just begun.

#🎀 — www.satorubiwrites/games !#AHHHHH WE HERE #papa toji i luv him #toji x fem! reader #toji x female reader #toji x black reader #toji x black y/n #toji smut #jjk x fem! reader #jjk x poc!reader

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technicolorxsn · 1 year

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for an experiment, this piece is turning out pretty nice..

#i like it:]#im not normally one to like beach scenes but i like this one #the sun being so low just gives it such a warm cozy feeling with it all being bathed in golden light #plus the sentimental value of it lol

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bro-atz · 2 months

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"they're like ocean waves"

in which: every time you see mingyu, you're hit with feelings of melancholy, nostalgia, and regret.

pair: non-idol!mingyu/author!afab!reader

word count: 7.7k

content: heavy angst, smut x 2!, slight hurt/comfort?, reader lives near the beach, reader is a loner, probably the worst communication you will ever see, bedroom sex, beach sex (they do it on a towel and under an umbrella no sand goes anywhere pls), romantic sex, oral sex, a pregnancy and a miscarriage, unprotected sex (PLS REMEMBER TO WRAP UP IRL!), completely consensual! and a happy ending i promise

rated: R | nsfw — minors do not interact

author's note: i actually wrote this as a very self indulgent fluff/angst y e a r s ago (2017) and stumbled upon it the other day, so i decided to fix her up, expand on her as an adult (aka add nsfw scenes lol), and reintroduce her to the world... also thank you sososo much to @yunhoszn for helping me work some details through!

You hated the ocean. You hated the beach. You hated the salty sea breeze that would hit your nose and last all day in your hair and on your skin. The worst part was that you hated the memories, and you hated the man that brought the memories.

His name was Kim Mingyu, and his name left a bad taste in your mouth. What was once sweet and rolled off your tongue like a knife through warm butter you now hesitated to utter and choked you like the salt in the ocean, in the sea. In complete honesty, the name itself was so foreign at that point, but his eyes, those eyes that promised her empty lies, his eyes were so darned familiar that you couldn't help but remember them.

You were usually cooped up inside the house frequently as you slaved away at your endless manuscripts that kept piling up but never saw the light of day, and you would force yourself to take breaks. Yet, the second you stepped foot outside, you froze. You were terrified that you were going to run into him because you genuinely wanted nothing to do with him at that point. So, you usually stayed at home, and you drowned in words and papers.

One day, though, you were forced to go outside. Although you hated the beach, you needed to head back to the beach just one last time to develop the setting for your story. You pulled yourself to the beach and stood with your toes buried in the sand and your arms crossed over your chest. There was a beach towel you had laid down on the ground and an umbrella driven into the sand that went over the towel, but you couldn't bring yourself to sit just yet. The warm ocean breeze swept through your hair as you gazed at the setting sun. Orange hues filled your vision as you thought back to the first time you met him, the first time you set foot on the beach.

"Hey there. What's a pretty girl like you doing alone on a beach like this?"

You were sitting on a beach towel on the sand and enjoying the view one fine evening. The sky was painted with different warm colors, and it was truly beautiful. You were so enamored by the sky that you didn't even bother to look in the direction of the person who spoke to you. That, and you kind of wanted to be left alone because his pick up line was a little too sleazy for you.

"I'm enjoying the view," you answered simply.

"Mind if I join you?" the man asked.

You were so ready to tell him off, but he was saved by his devilish good looks. You looked to see him, and you were met with the view of the most breathtaking young man in the most breathtaking backdrop. His golden, sun-kissed skin glimmered in the setting sun, and his eyes sparkled like the ocean when the sun hit it just right. His hair was wet with ocean water and swept back, little beads of water dotting his neck, shoulders, and chest. He shot you the most marvelous smile, stunning you into complete silence. You barely managed to nod, the man sitting down on the beach towel right next to you.

Originally, you had your legs crossed and your back slightly hunched over, but you were suddenly so self-conscious in your two-piece swimsuit around this stunning man that sat next to you, so you hugged your knees to your chest, doing your best to cover up most of your body.

You couldn't help but glance to your side every so often to catch the side profile of the man, and he would glance back, causing you to look away abruptly. That was the extent of it that day. The two of you merely sat on the beach together and shared stolen glances, the sound of the ocean waves crashing filling the silence between the two of you.

What was crazy to you was that it became a recurring thing. You were at the beach every single day for an entire week partly because you actually needed to get into the right mood to work on your latest manuscript, and partly because you were hoping that you would run into the beautiful man; and you did. Every single day for an entire week, the man would meet you at the same spot around the same time and just enjoy the view of the setting sun with you before leaving once the sky got dark and the moon was starting to rise.

The two of you had yet to speak until one week later; you mustered up all of your courage and finally decided to interrupt the crashing waves to talk to him.

"I don't believe I've introduced myself," you stated as you turned to face him.

You stuck your hand out and told him your name, a slight look of shock crossing his face, only to be replaced by the friendliest smile you had ever seen. Your heart thudded wildly in your chest as you tried to figure out what took you aback the most: his gorgeous smile, his warm, inviting hand, or his eyes— his wonderful, sparkling eyes. He took your hand and held it lightly as he said, "Kim Mingyu."

That was all he said. He only told you his name that day.

As the suns kept setting, and as the days rolled by, you found yourself more and more enthralled with the ethereal being that kept appearing before you. Thankfully, you talked a little more day by day, and day by day, you learned more and more about Kim Mingyu. Not only had you learned more and more about Kim Mingyu, but you also got closer and closer to him as well.

First, your shoulders brushed. Next, you were bumping shoulders. Your fingers touched and laced with each other. Your head leaned onto his shoulder, his arm wrapped around your waist, and you gazed at each other fondly. You got closer to each other gradually, naturally, easily.

At the time, everything seemed so simple for you. You had gone to the beach to enjoy the orange sunset and get inspired, but you ended up enjoying Mingyu's sparkling, hopeful eyes more. You enjoyed the way he would talk to you about anything and everything while lightly flirting with you in between conversations. You liked how his eyes would completely light up when he talked about the things he was passionate about, how his smile would get wider as you showed interest in the things he liked, and how he was so completely focused on every single word you said when you told him about the things you liked, the stories you were working on, and even mundane things like how your day was going.

The day that made your heart beat so fast that you wanted it to stop beating so that you could finally breathe was the day he kissed you. You were talking animatedly about God knows what when you saw his slightly narrowed gaze and his subtle smile.

"W-What? What is it?" you stuttered, suddenly startled by the way his hand moved from your waist up to your ribcage.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered as leaned in closer to you, his face mere centimeters from yours. "You always look so beautiful when you smile and laugh..."

Your heart skipped several beats for several reasons: the words leaving his mouth, his hand pulling you into him, and his nose brushing against yours. His lips were dangerously close to yours, but they didn't meet yours until you quickly moved forward and left a peck on his. He exhaled softly, a smile playing on his lips before he kissed you again. His hand moved from your body to the back of your head, his fingers running through the roots and massaging your head lightly.

At first, his kisses started tenderly, his soft lips just pressing against yours over and over again, but when you moved your hand to cup his cheek, he couldn't help but take it one step further (not that you were complaining). His lips sucked gently on your lower lip before taking it in between his teeth and tugging lightly, making you moan slightly. You moved your hands to his bare waist and gripped his hips as if it would help you keep your grip on reality, but your mind was slowly melting, and you were sucked into his affection to the point where you didn't even realize he had you pinned to the beach towel you had been sitting on.

The sun was still taking its sweet time descending into the ocean when you brought Mingyu back to your place. Mingyu was bathed in the golden light that seeped through the window in your bedroom as he knelt on the bed before you. He removed the white button-up he never had buttoned up, giving you a complete view of his muscles. You had seen him shirtless a countless number of times, but that didn't stop your heart from threatening to leap out of your chest.

Mingyu silently held his hands out for you to take, guiding you so that you were kneeling on the bed as well so that he could hold your waist with a firm but gentle grip. When his hand slipped behind your back and brought you closer to him, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. He kissed you passionately several times before brushing his nose against your jawline so he could leave kisses along the curve of your neck. You sighed sensually when you felt him trail his kisses along your shoulder, his fingers moving up to slip the strap of your pale sundress off your shoulder.

However, Mingyu's patience wore thin. He bunched up the fabric of your sundress and pulled it off you, leaving you in nothing but your panties— but you were quick to take those off yourself because you, too, were impatient. His eyes scanned you from head to toe, taking in every square inch of your bare body. You were starting to feel self-conscious, but he didn't give you the chance to doubt yourself more. He pulled you flush against him and kissed you hungrily, his fingers dragging along the curve of your waist before he wrapped his arms around you and slowly laid you down on the bed.

Mingyu knelt between your legs. He trailed his kisses down your neck, over your collarbones, and to your breast. He licked your nipple before taking your breast into his mouth, both of his hands moving to massage your breasts. He looked up at you with lust filled eyes as he sucked painfully hard on your tits, your back arching as you let out a pleasure-filled whimper. It did not help when he switched breasts, making sure he gave both of them equal amounts of love.

"Ah—! Mingyu..." you sighed blissfully when he moved away from your breasts to suck on your clit. That sigh turned into a loud whimper when he fully committed to eating you out, his mouth slurping on your arousal. You cursed under your breath and ran your fingers through his hair when he slipped two of his fingers into your cunt.

Mingyu refused to let up. He ate you out as if he was a starved man, unable to get enough of your sweet taste. You could help but roll your hips in rhythm as you chased your high. What did it for you was him sitting up and fingering you hard, his fingers rubbing against your G-spot with enough force and speed to make you cum. Your cunt quivered as you came, a sweet, loud moan leaving your lips and echoing in your bedroom and Mingyu's ears.

Your chest heaved as you gasped and tried to regulate your breathing. Through half-lidded eyes, you watched Mingyu move back towards you. He brought the two fingers he had buried in your cunt to your lips. You looked up at him as you ran your tongue along his fingers before taking them into your mouth and sucking them. Mingyu bit his lower lip, a smirk threatening to cross his face as he watched you listen to his silent instructions so obediently.

"God..." he whispered when he took his fingers out of your mouth and brought his face down, his lips ghosting over yours. "God..."

He gave you a good taste of yourself when he kissed you, his tongue diving deep into your mouth. While you couldn't get enough of the way he kissed you with such intensity, you wanted more. You felt empty now that his fingers weren't inside you, and you needed him to fill you up again. You brought your knee up between his legs and rubbed against his insanely stiff crotch, the man breaking off the kiss immediately to inhale sharply. Looks like he couldn't wait much longer either.

You pushed yourself up and leaned on your elbows when Mingyu moved away from you completely. Hooking his thumb into the waistband of his shorts, he tugged them down slowly, his other hand pulling his erect cock out of his shorts in the process. You couldn't help but widen your eyes when you saw his length and girth, your heart thudding faster at the thought of having something so massive inside you.

Mingyu took off his shorts and dropped them off the side of the bed while stroking his cock. The bedsheets rustled as he moved so that he was right before you once again. You heard him chuckle lightly when you gulped nervously seeing his cock closer. It was twitching and raring to go, and while your body craved him, your mind was swirling with worry.

"I'll go slow, I promise," Mingyu whispered as he read your thoughts.

You felt your face heat up slightly— you didn't realize that you weren't being conspicuous with your feelings at all and were slightly embarrassed. You didn't have much time to sit in the embarrassment, though, because Mingyu started rubbing the tip of his cock along your folds. You felt it prod inside you a couple of times, but he had yet to fully enter.

The anticipation was driving you crazy. You flung your head back and arched your back while whining, your entire body craving him.

"M-Mingyu... Hurry," you whined quietly.

"What's the rush?" he asked somewhat cheekily as if he was trying to get a rise out of you, as if he was trying to get you to beg for it.

You whimpered and whined, the words refusing to formulate. You just wanted him. Plain and simple. You looked up at him with desperate eyes when he placed his hand next to your head, his face hovering above yours. A quick look of surprise crossed his face, making your heart skip a beat. He looked down and guided his cock to your entrance once more, preparing to enter you.

"All right, sweetheart," you shivered hearing his choice of nickname for you. "I'm going to start, okay?"

You nodded, and Mingyu started moving. His cock made its way inside you, spreading you wide open, filling your vision with fireworks. You choked on a gasp as his cock seemed to just keep going and going. When he bottomed out, you were absolutely certain he was going to hit your cervix with his size, making you extremely nervous but also excited as well.

Mingyu rolled his hips slowly at first, giving you a little more time to get used to his size. You reached for his shoulders and held onto them while he fucked you, the pads of your fingers pressing into his skin. The two of you were breathing shallowly, the mattress springs beginning to quietly squeak as he slowly sped up.

"You feel good?" he asked you in a low voice?

"So g-good," you murmured, your eyes fluttering as you let the pleasure begin to consume you.

"Can I— Shit— Move faster?"

"Mmhmm..."

Mingyu wasted no time. You felt like his cock was going to rip your insides out when he got faster and harder, the friction inside you just making everything more intense. You cried loudly as you felt his waist slapping against yours, your legs wrapping around his waist. Mingyu lowered his body further, his lips right next to your ear. You could hear him breathing and grunting erratically, his hot breath sending tingles through your body.

Suddenly, Mingyu sped up. The bedsprings squeaked loudly and the entire bed shifted with every thrust. You screamed, your nails digging into his skin as you felt your entire body swell with more and more pleasure. With one particularly strong thrust, Mingyu actually managed to ram into your cervix, immediately filling your vision with stars. You squeezed your eyes shut and cried as you came again.

The fluttering and clenching of your cunt was too much for the man to bear. You heard his breathing hitch and a groan rumble in his throat while his waist continued moving rapidly.

"Fuck! C-Cumming!" Mingyu grunted loudly.

He pulled out and stroked his cock several times before ropes of white shot out and landed your stomach. He continued to grunt and sigh as more cum spurt out of his cock, his hand slowing down as he released his entire load to decorate your skin.

The two of you were breathing hard. Your breathing slowed down, and your eyes could barely stay open as your body relaxed more and more into the mattress, the pleasure still lingering within you.

You ended up falling asleep just like that, and when you woke up, you saw that Mingyu had cleaned the two of you up but that you both were still nude, the only fabric covering your skin being the duvet on top of you. He was fast asleep and hugging you close to him as the two of you laid side by side, his hold on your waist only getting stronger when he felt you shift in his arms.

Mingyu's face was right before yours. You watched him breathe softly, peacefully, your heart fluttering as you observed his beautiful features. You wanted to reach out and run your finger along his sculpted face, but at the same time, you felt so at peace just seeing his relaxed, sleeping face. You settled for pressing your ear to his chest and listening to his beating heart as you drifted off to sleep again.

You and Mingyu had spent a countless number of nights together after that, and every single time, he was so overwhelmingly generous and passionate with you that you couldn't help but fall for him— and you fell hard.

Yet, you didn't think to tell him about your feelings. Truthfully, you were too scared to. You didn't know how he felt about you, and you seriously couldn't tell sometimes, especially when you saw him talking to other people.

Sometimes, while you waited for Mingyu at the beach, you would spot him talking and laughing with a couple friends. One day, however, you saw him with another woman. Technically speaking, you and Mingyu never made any sort of commitment to each other, so he was free to talk to, flirt with, or sleep with anyone he wanted to, but you still couldn't help but feel your heart drop to your feet. He looked so happy with her, and every time she touched his arm in a flirty manner, he would accept it and reciprocate.

You were hurt. You thought you and Mingyu had something a little more special. You thought that he didn't treat all girls the same way he treated you, that he wasn't like every other man, that he wasn't actually a player. All of those thoughts completely shattered when you saw him with her. You were upset with him, but you were also upset with yourself for never saying anything to him, and based on the way he was interacting with that woman, you felt like you probably shouldn't say anything.

That was the last time you saw him... for a while. The day you saw him with the girl, you left, and he texted you asking you where you were, but you didn't respond. He didn't send a single message after that. You were left alone— well, actually, you weren't completely alone.

A couple of weeks later, you went to the doctor because you were unwell. You were throwing up all the time, and you were unable to focus or do anything properly. You thought it was a stomach flu, but it was a baby instead, and it was his baby; it had to be his baby because you hadn't been with another man ever since.

After finding out, you didn't really know what to do with the information. You debated telling Mingyu, but no matter how you thought about it, your mind kept drifting to him and the other woman. You didn't want to disrupt his life, but in the same breath, he deserved to know. That being said, seeing that his last text to you was weeks prior always stopped you from sending a message, and if you couldn't even send a text, where the hell were you going to call him?

You ended up living with your little secret kept close to your heart. You took care of yourself, and you were on top of things. You thought about what your life was going to look like after you gave birth, and when you looked around your desolate apartment, you thought about sharing your life with someone. You thought about it, but at the end of it all, you could only think of one person you actually wanted to share it with, and it made you spiral all over again.

One particular day, you felt completely off. You had horrible cramps, and you were so dizzy that you couldn't do anything but keep your head in the toilet and dry heave because you literally had nothing in your system but your body was going through it to the point where you were delirious. In fact, you were so delirious that you called Mingyu right before you passed out.

When you came to, you were in a hospital, and you were confused as hell. It was nighttime. Moonlight filled your room along with the beeping of the heart monitor. You pushed yourself up and looked to your side to see Mingyu fast asleep while kneeling at the edge of the hospital bed. Your heart skipped a beat seeing his perfectly chiseled face before your brain questioned why he was there in the first place.

Mingyu stirred when you tried to shift to a more comfortable position, and the second he blinked some of the sleep out of his eyes, he fully awoke and stood up quickly to stand right by your side.

"Hey," he whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, but, what's going on? Why am I—"

"Shh, just get some rest... You've been through a lot."

You were getting nervous with the way he was talking to you, raising more questions. There was no way in hell you were going to sleep without getting some answers.

"...Why am I here? And why are you here?"

Mingyu took a deep breath. He knew you weren't going to rest until you knew what was happening.

So, he told you everything. You called him right before you passed out, and he immediately picked up. When you didn't speak, he at first thought you butt dialed him or something, but your phone was right by your face, and he heard your shallow, shaky breaths. He, thankfully, remembered where your spare key was and immediately got to your apartment to see you on the ground in your bathroom. He called the paramedics, they brought you to the hospital, and after running through all of the tests, the doctor told him what happened.

"You... You were pregnant," Mingyu whispered.

"Yeah, I'm pregnant, but—"

"No," Mingyu cut you off. "You were pregnant."

White noise filled your ears. The words, with the infliction, sunk in, and you felt everything around you collapse. You felt like Mingyu hit you with a right hook when he said that, and you were close to knocking out.

Were.

How could that even happen?

The doctors explained it to you, but you weren't listening; you couldn't bring yourself to listen. Your head was muddled, every voice that spoke to you was muffled, and your heart was muzzled.

You were so lifeless throughout your stay at the hospital that Mingyu couldn't help but stay by your side. Granted, you thought was doing it out of pity, but it was mainly because he knew that if you were left alone, you would fall over again, and he didn't want that to happen to you ever no matter how big the distance between the two of you grew.

Even after discharge, Mingyu stayed with you. He kept reassuring you that if you wanted to cry, you could, and that he would be there for you, but you didn't have it in you to cry. You were mindless from the moment he told you, and you remained mindless as you tried to find normalcy in your life once more. You were so mindless, in fact, that you expected Mingyu to just up and leave after knowing you could feed yourself, but he didn't. He stayed with you for a while— until he found out the truth.

You and Mingyu were in the kitchen one evening. You were cleaning, and Mingyu, who originally entered the kitchen to rifle through the pantry, held the handle to the pantry door before sighing and facing you.

"Hey," Mingyu broke the silence. "Can I ask you something?"

You nodded while mindlessly wiping down the kitchen countertop.

"Who was the father...?"

You froze. You knew he was going to ask that at some point, but you thought he would give you a little more than several days to prepare for it. You set the towel aside and looked at him. You wanted to tell him, but the words were stuck in the back of your throat.

Mingyu saw the look on your face and immediately looked away uncomfortably. He ran his hand over his face and took a heavy breath.

"...Tell me something," his voice came out rough, as if he was choking back a sob.

You waited for him to say something, but he just looked at you instead. You nodded and whispered, "Yeah?"

"In the time we haven't seen each other..." he started slowly. "Have you slept with anyone else?"

You shook your head. You wanted to confirm verbally, but there was no way you were going to— not when you felt your chest tighten up uncomfortably.

"So..."

Mingyu definitely choked on his words that time. He chewed on his lower lip nervously. He covered his mouth with his hand and sighed slowly, shakily. The room was heavy, and both of you knew exactly what this awkwardness meant, but you were waiting for the other one to say the words. Unable to take the tension any longer, you spoke.

"It was you..."

Mingyu pressed his lips together in a tight line. He took a step towards the kitchen island and grabbed the edge as if to steady himself. You watched his knuckles turn white the longer he gripped it. He looked down at the countertop before looking right at you, his eyes red and watery.

"Me?"

You were near tears. You blinked them away quickly while sniffling and nodding. You knew what was coming. You knew he was going to be upset, and you needed him to know why you did what you did, and there was no way that was going to happen if you got emotional.

"So, let me get this straight. You were pregnant, and I was the father?"

You nearly flinched when you heard his voice get louder.

"Yes," you confirmed before choosing your next words very carefully. "I was pregnant, and you were the person who got me pregnant."

You definitely flinched when Mingyu slammed his hands down on the countertop. He was shaking, and his face was twisted painfully as the realization finally completely hit him.

"You— You were pregnant— You were pregnant with my child?!" Mingyu yelled; he was in complete and utter disbelief to the point where he was tripping over his words. "Did— You— You didn't think to tell me?!"

"I didn't know how you were going to respond, Mingyu! We're not married, we're not engaged— I'm just some girl you knocked up, and I didn't want you to feel the need to marry me just because I was pregnant!"

"So, what, you were just going to have the kid without telling me?! You were going to let me go blissfully unaware that someone who shares half of my DNA is just walking around without even knowing who their biological father is?!"

"Does it even matter?!" you shrieked.

The two of you fell silent. The weight of the matter hit you like a ton of brick, and the room got more stuffy by the second. You ran your shaking fingers through your hair and exhaled slowly, your heart clenching as you thought about everything that led to that moment. You closed your eyes and massaged your temples as you did your best to hold your tears back.

"It doesn't even matter anymore," you sighed, your voice shaky as you spoke quietly.

You could tell Mingyu wanted to comfort you. His hand reached out hesitantly before falling at his side. You faced him and locked eyes with him. His eyes weren't sparkling the way they used to whenever he saw you. They were bleak, sorrowful, resentful. You knew he resented you for not telling him about your unplanned pregnancy and that he found out because of the hospital.

"You know," Mingyu started, his voice choked back by a sob. "You could at least..."

He shook his head. He wasn't going to say it, and as much as you wanted to demand that he say it, you didn't need him to.

You could at least apologize for not telling me in the first place.

And you did want to apologize, but the words got stuck in the back of your throat because you were just as hurt by him as he was by you. Plus, he wasn't the one who had to bear the weight of losing a child— you were.

Neither of you uttered a word after that. Mingyu wordlessly left your apartment, and you remained in your kitchen this time actually completely alone.

Years later, you still carried the resentment against him. You couldn't figure out why either. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed to have moved on with his life and that you were still stuck in the past. Maybe it was because he never tried to find you to comfort you. Maybe it was because you wish he fought for you to stay with him.

You stared aimlessly at the sunset before you, your arms crossed over your chest as the yellow and orange hues grayed out in your glazed view. The waves were calmly patting the large rocks, and the wind was sweeping by you warmly, but you felt anxious and cold. You ran your shaking fingers through your hair and took a shuddering breath as you tried your best to appreciate the sky's canvas through your teary eyes.

"Hey there..." you heard a familiar voice over the sound of the ocean waves.

A tear immediately slipped out of your eye. You refused to turn, you refused to look— you didn't need to see who it was.

"What're you doing alone on a beach like this?" he continued.

Your heart clenched. It was like the first time the two of you met all over again, but you were anything but happy. You shook your head and looked away. Honestly, you wanted to run away, but your feet refused to carry you, your toes sinking deeper into the soft sand.

"Come on... Please look at me..."

The catch his throat stabbed at your heart several times. You bit your lower lip and tried your best to keep it together as you turned to look at him, but all of that effort was in vain.

It was the first time in years that you saw him, and dare you say it, he looked even more stunning as a slightly older man. His muscles had gotten more refined, and his facial features had gotten sharper. The biggest change, however, was his eyes. They weren't sparkling at all anymore, but there was something else there— something you couldn't quite place. It was unfamiliar, but in the same breath, recognizable.

"Mingyu..." you breathed out unintentionally, your voice trembling. "What are you doing here?

He took a single step towards you. You were still frozen in place, so he kept approaching despite you wanting him to stay as far away from you as possible.

"I... I miss you... And I want to—" Mingyu stopped himself the second he saw you shaking your head.

"Please don't, Mingyu," you whispered.

A warm ocean breeze swept past your ankles and through your hair as silence filled the space between you. You turned away from him and looked at the ocean again, Mingyu continuing to stare at you. You wiped the lingering tears by your eyes away before crossing your arms over your chest again. Even after everything, you still refused to cry, especially in front of him. Yet, when Mingyu approached you tentatively and carefully wrapped his arms around you, you broke. You let him hug you, and all of the tears you had been holding back not just then but over the last several years came pouring out.

You wanted to say something, but you couldn't. You were too busy wailing into his chest, your hands grabbing at the fabric of his shirt as you pulled him closer to you. Mingyu kept one secure hand around your waist while the other petted your head in a soothing manner.

"It's okay... Cry it all out..." Mingyu murmured, making you cry even more.

The two of you had slowly sunk down to the ground and sat on the towel under the umbrella which you had brought to the beach to sit on earlier. Mingyu refused to let you go even as your sobs died down. He rubbed your back, the feeling of his large hand on your back and the sounds from the ocean easing your pain and finally calming you down.

You sat in silence after you cried it all out. Mingyu's hold on you loosened slightly so that you could lean back and look at him, but he still didn't let go of you— there was no way in hell he was going to let go of you now.

"How are you feeling?" Mingyu asked in a hushed voice.

"A little better..." you couldn't help but admit— the lack of bottled up emotions in your chest did make it easier for you to breathe.

You looked up at him. This time, when you gazed into his eyes, you were able to figure out exactly what it was in his eyes: hope. You felt the emotion swell up in your chest again, but instead of crying, you took a deep breath and relaxed a little more in his arms.

"Why did you..." you sighed as you trailed off, trying to figure out exactly how you wanted to say this. "You're here because...?"

"Because I miss you," Mingyu said, reiterating what he was saying earlier. "I miss you so much..."

"...Why did you come here, then? How'd you know you'd find me here...?"

"I didn't, actually. I was thinking about going to your apartment, but I didn't know if you still lived there, and when I turned around to go home... I saw you standing here..."

"I actually still live at the same place," you couldn't help but chuckle dryly. "You'd think I would have moved after all this time... But I couldn't bring myself to do it..."

"Why is that?"

"Because... Even after everything... I never wanted to— I could never get over you... I really missed you too, Mingyu..."

Mingyu cupped your face after you stopped talking. He tilted your head up, and you saw his lower lip quiver. He took a breath as if he was about to say something, but he immediately closed his mouth. He didn't need to say it— you knew what he wanted to say.

"Then why did we wait so long to find each other again?"

You knew what kept you from reaching out, but you weren't sure how Mingyu was going to respond, nor were you sure you wanted to know the answer. However, enough was enough, and you needed answers.

"Can I ask you something?" you asked, your voice hushed.

"Yeah, of course," he nodded. "You can ask me anything."

You swallowed nervously. You were still unsure of how to broach the subject, so you just decided to be candid and let your ears get as hot as they wanted as embarrassment took control of your brain.

"What about that other girl?"

"What other girl?" Mingyu asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Back then... You were talking and laughing with another girl..."

Mingyu just looked even more confused. Taking a deep breath, you finally laid it all out.

"We didn't... We didn't really talk about what our relationship was back then... So when I saw you with another girl, I assumed it was because you had your options open," you explained slowly. "And since we weren't officially dating or together or anything, I didn't want to ask you about it because you were free to see other people..."

Your gaze slowly lowered as you explained your train of thought, so when you finished, you looked up again to see a wide array of emotions painted on Mingyu's face. He closed his eyes and sat silently for a moment, and you waited for him to gather his own thoughts before responding. Finally, he reopened his eyes, and for the first time in a while, you saw that sparkle you were hopelessly infatuated with return to his eyes.

"Sweetheart, there's never been anyone else," Mingyu said softly as he reached for and held your hand. "I've only ever had eyes for you, and I have not stopped thinking about you..."

You felt your eyes well up with tears. There were so many thoughts swirling around your head, most of them being regret that you didn't talk this through with Mingyu in the beginning; but he made all of the negative thoughts leave your mind the second he cupped your face and met your gaze.

"I only want to be with you."

A tear slipped out of your eye, the man immediately brushing it away. You pushed yourself into his arms and hugged him tightly while sobbing, Mingyu immediately hugging back and petting your head to soothe you. He whispered reassuring words to you while resting his chin on the top of your head, and he let you cry it all out. His white shirt soaked up all of your tears as you buried your face in his chest.

"I'm sorry, Mingyu... I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay... Don't think about it now," he said softly. "Let's not dwell on the past... Let's focus on now..."

You shook your head, prompting him to counter your apology.

"If anything, I'm sorry for leaving you like that," he whispered. "I hated that I wasn't there for you when you needed the support... I should've been there for you."

You sniffled and moved your head back. You opened your mouth to say something, but the words were stuck in the back of your throat, choked back by a sob.

"But I'm here for you now, and I promise I'm always going to be here for you. Always."

With that, Mingyu pressed his lips against yours tenderly, your heart swelling with a multitude of emotions. You kissed him back softly, slowly, conveying all of your unspoken feelings to him.

The sun was long gone by that point, and the stars were out as you and Mingyu found yourselves entangled with each other. Mingyu's hands roamed all of your body. The warmth of his touch lingered on every spot of skin his fingers brushed as he took in every last bit of you. His kisses started sweet but slowly got more hungry and desperate as every single cell of his body craved you— after all, it had been years.

If the two of you hadn't been hidden to the world under an umbrella and behind a strip of large rocks, you wouldn't have been okay with Mingyu taking things further with you. He slid your dress up as he trailed kisses from your ankle up your leg and to your knee. Your dress rested on your stomach, and he turned you to the side before lying down alongside you, his hand bringing your thigh up and over his legs. He placed his hand under your head as a makeshift pillow, and you immediately nuzzled your face into his hand, making his breathing hitch slightly.

The two of you were silent, and you let the sound of the waves lapping fill the void the more intimate you got. Mingyu pulled his cock out of his shorts and started to rub it between your legs, your body trembling with want, desire, and a little fear. Since it had been so long, you forgot how big he was, so when he pushed your panties to the side before slipping his cock inside you, you immediately moaned loudly. Mingyu cut off your moan with a kiss, his tongue keeping yours occupied as he bottomed out.

You moaned into Mingyu's mouth as he began to move, his waist softly slapping against yours. You felt like your cunt was going to tear apart with his size, and as much as it hurt, it also felt so good that you desperately needed him to keep going.

"You doing okay, sweetheart?" he moved his lips to your ear and asked, his voice low and raspy.

You hummed and nodded, the pleasure starting to overwhelm you. The pleasure only continued to build when he started bucking his hips upwards rashly, your whole body lurching. You cried softly and pushed yourself closer to him. You were so close, but you needed just a little bit more.

Mingyu's hand slipped under your dress, his large hand palming your breast. You sighed and moaned the stronger his grip on you got and the more rash his thrusts got. Finally, he thrust into you with enough force that his cock hit your cervix multiple times, the pleasure surging through you like anything. You buried your face into the nook of his neck and groaned as quietly as you could as your orgasm washed over you. Your cunt clenched, and your toes curled. You had been holding onto Mingyu's forearms, and when you came, you dug your nails into them, leaving deep crescents in his arms.

"Fu-uck," Mingyu groaned when he felt you tighten around him.

You truly thought that Mingyu was close when you heard him curse, his sexy, rumbling voice making you tingle with excitement again. However, he apparently was far from done. He moved his hand from your head to your ass, and cupping the underside of your ass, he turned you so that you were on top of him. He pulled you down so that your chest was pressed against his before moving his hands back to your ass. He guided you as your ass bounced on his hips, the new angle making pleasure surge through you once more and your eyes fill with tears.

"I'm— Hnngh— I'm gonna cum inside, okay, sweetheart?" Mingyu whispered, his breathing getting shallower by the second.

Your heart couldn't help but thud wildly against your chest. You whispered, "Please, Mingyu. I'm all yours... I'll always be yours...."

Mingyu's eyes widened slightly before a gentle smile appeared on his face. He ran his fingers through the hair on the back of your head and brought you down to kiss you passionately. When the kiss ended, he let you go to turn you to your side. He buried his face into the nook of your neck and sighed deeply before fucking you as quickly as he could.

Right before he came, a groan rumbled in the back of his throat. He moved his head to your shoulder, his canines digging into your skin as he bit your shoulder lightly. You felt his hot cum fill you up and his dick continue to throb and spasm as he moved a little more to get the rest of his load out. The two of you sighed softly, blissfully, peacefully as you fully relaxed.

The stars were out as you laid in Mingyu's arms, your eyes closed, your breathing peaceful. The sound of the soft ocean waves rushing onto the sand made you stir. Your eyes fluttered open to see Mingyu staring at the lonely sky above you. You moved away from his chest slightly to get a better look at him, the man immediately shifting his gaze to you. He smiled as you blinked at him. His eyes were sparkling once again, and dare you say it, they sparkled brighter than the stars in the sky. You felt tears well up in your eyes again, and Mingyu wiped them away before they could stain your cheeks. Hushing you softly, he hugged you gently and held you close.

You still hated the ocean. You still hated the beach. You still hated the salty sea breeze that would hit your nose and last all day long in your hair and on your skin, but you welcomed the memories. You welcomed the memories, and you once again loved the man that brought the memories.

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n0tamused · 4 months

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Jiyaaaan request coming your way~

While training his soldiers, one of them accidentally calls him 'Dad'. This leads to the reader teasing them but Jiyan teases back by calling them 'Mom' (or the gender neutral for it?)

(Was reading tv tropes and Jiyan had the 'A Father to his Men' tropes in his character tab lol)

A/n: Anon this request was so sweet, thank you sm for sending it in! Jiyan the father of an army fr.. I do hope I executed it well. Enjoy!

Content: Jiyan x F!Reader, fluff and playful stuff, nothing more

The morning sun had long since shifted its axis towards the center of the sky, blazing down through cotton clouds that sailed the azure skies. Below them, in the open fields, west of the main base cacophony sounded, consisting of commands, groans and other sounds of effort as the Midnight Ranger performed their training. And today Jiyan had come to overlook the session himself, although it wouldn’t be the first time. He was often so preoccupied with tasks at the front lines that he didn’t have the time to be leading drills too frequently, but when he did get the chance to do so he would take it. While it wasn’t a full reprieve from the battle, it was still a stark contrast to the grotesque and twisted fates he’d see daily on the battlefield.

Jiyan was noticeably more disheveled by the end, hair messy and hanging in strands and clinging to his sweaty forehead, hands on his hips as his voice rose to meet all ears present. You have just been passing by, helping carry supplies that just came in, and loading old and empty boxes back to be refilled in the city. For once there was no rush that would make your legs ache or your lungs hurt, allowing you all the precious time to bask in the views, the soft chatter and, of course, your dear lover.

The sun caught his figure and formed a golden aura around him, his skin glistening, and you couldn’t help but take a seat at one of many big boxes at the side of the training grounds after you had finished your task. In passing you caught a few looks, and a few smiles of the soldiers you knew from before. They looked much more lively, despite the rigorous training they just went through. It made your heart warm seeing them in better spirits, wishing nothing more than to see them prevail and be happy. And just as you had recognized a bunch of familiar faces did Jiyan conclude his small speech, about to dismiss everyone with advice of rest hanging on every word. He had spotted you from the start, when you were going by with supplies in arms and soon he’d have a chance to speak to you too, he thought.

“General Jiyan! General Jiyan, a word or two- if I may?”

It was a voice of one of the new recruits, Jiyan noted as he gazed at the face of the youth, a boy of twenty or so years by the looks of it, and eyes full of curiosity and admiration. He had come up to Jiyan just as he had turned towards you, prompting him to stay rooted in his spot a little longer. A few more young rangers came up behind the recruit, sharing the same curiosity but also being aware of whatever the recruit had on his mind.

“Yes? Is there something you need?” Jiyan questioned, looking at the young man. From his peripheral vision he spotted you moving down from the boxes and joining his side, staying quiet after a short word of greeting towards his Rangers, but your presence felt like a cool breeze under this sun, and he appreciated it all the more.

“I just wanted to say how great today’s training session was, we learned so much more than we did with our drill sergeant” he praised, smiling up at Jiyan all the while, “And I just wanted to ask whether or not you’ll be leading our training session tomorrow as well? Or any other day that is, we would really benefit from your teaching. I mean, you've seen it all for yourself at the front lines!"

The other few with him nodded along, prompting a small smile of pride to form on your face from seeing their fascination with Jiyan. To them he was everything they aspired to be - strong, enduring, tough but not lacking kindness or knowledge. There were times where they were scared to approach him, not knowing how he’d react to their questions, but from observing his interactions with others they warmed up to the idea and plucked all their courage.

A polite smile curled up on Jiyan’s face as he regarded the youth with gentle golden eyes. His presence as the drill sergeant today wasn’t due to his availability, but a simple coincidence and necessity to fill the shoes of their drill sergeant that had been injured due to Tacet Discords, and Jiyan just happened to be able to be there. “Ah, you have my thanks, rangers. If a replacement for your drill sergeant does not arrive tomorrow and I am not required to be at the front lines, then I will be leading your training tomorrow as well” he told them, which pleased them greatly to hear. “Although I’m sure Sargent Jin’xi has much more to teach you, something much more important for your sound development in this profession. You cannot take his method lightly. He has seen everything I have, as well. His knowledge is as valuable to your growth, and even more so than mine. You need the good foundation he can give you” He was aware of how confusing or hard it could be to listen to Jin’xi, as the sergeant had quite the eye for details and slow progress in lessons due to his meticulous nature - but that also made him all the better for his station. He was observant and could pluck out bad behavior and mistakes like weeds, and that is better to be done here, than in the middle of battle.

“We know, general, but sergeant Jin’xi is just so hard on us.. sometimes it really seems like he has no limit” one of the women standing behind voiced, earning a look from Jiyan that spoke of his understanding but also his disagreement with the subtle message they were trying to send - please, replace sergeant Jin’xi, or, save us.

“Yeah! One time I accidentally mixed up the weapons in the storage room and he had me do everything on my own again, saying how such mistakes can’t happen on the front lines, how it all means life or death” the first young man said, brushing his fingers through his hair and sighing. “I understand it, but we just got here..” he added and looked at his comrades.

What was supposed to be a short chit-chat turned swiftly into a gossip galore about Jin’xi. Had Jiyan been any different from the man he was currently, he would’ve scolded them, taken offense at how they spoke about his colleague, but he was in their shoes once, always on edge around the higher ups, and he wished not to bring that same unease to them. He didn’t fail to remind them to not speak like this in front of everyone, and to respect sergeant Jin’xi when he does eventually return, and they gave him their word.

The first young man that approached looked at Jiyan after their discussion, both hands on his hips and looking more relaxed. “We won’t forget that, I promise on my last name! Still, we appreciate your kindness, and one more thing dad- I MEAN- GENERAL!” His entire face crumbled into a look of terror, and all eyes of the group shot to him, looks of surprise and amusement appearing before several of them erupted into laughter after taking a wary glance at Jiyan - who was not offended.

“General Jiyan! Oh god- I apologize, general, I don’t know where that came from-” he stammered, shaking his head and his hands, face flushed from sheer embarrassment. More choked words tumbled out of his mouth, desperate to excuse himself and forget about this.

Jiyan can’t help but chuckle, the corners of his lips twitching in a failed attempt to hold back his smile. “At ease, recruit. You have not done any crime” he nods at the other, his eyes softening and not showing any sign that he’s about to dish out some punishment - that’d be ridiculous.

You can’t help but crack a laugh too, covering your lips with your hand as to stifle the sound, but your mirth was evident in your eyes. “Have I missed a chapter? I didn’t know you had kids, general Jiyan” you teased, earning a few shocked but heavily amused looks from the group. Giggles erupted once more, all stifled as they waited for Jiyan to respond to the quip.

Jiyan turns his head to look at you, his eyes boring into yours and questioning your intentions - you can read the thoughts going through your head and your smile only widens in a silent call to a challenge of wits. He didn’t expect you to say something like that, but he could only huff, hiding his amusement under an abrupt guise of confusion.

“Kids?.. Why, I had hoped you’d recognize your own kids, Miss (L/N)” he shot back instantly, making your jaw drop at his rebuttal, a gasp flying past your mouth. “General” you said, accusations plenty heard in your tone as the atmosphere melted into one of jest and play.

Many eyes flickered between you and him, taking in the easy way you conversed with one another.

“Yes? What’s the surprise for? The recruits look up to you too, if you fail to notice. You can confirm with them right now” he is shifting the spotlight to you, and the recruits are quick to jump in too. “It is right, miss. Personally I haven’t been around you for long, no longer than I interacted with the General, but you two are alike, you treat us new ones with a firm but kind hand” a young woman said, smiling at you, and you feel your heart climb into your throat.

“Can we really be surprised, they’re always together too-” "Aren't they married?" Whispering is heard amidst the group, and Jiyan looks amidst the faces to catch the one that said that but fails to do so, or refuses to weed out the individuals, and his eyes go back to you to catch your response. It’d be a lie to say your relationship with him was a secret, everyone knew there was something deeper between the two of you, something you didn’t show in public due to the war and status, but it was undeniably there. Still, hearing it loud and clear like this was like a splash of cold water. Despite their chatter, the group remained respectful, sweet in their musings.

“Ah, quiet, I do not want to hear it. This is about you, General”

“Ah, don’t run from it now. You’re the one that started this” he commented, rolling his eyes as he folded his arms over his chest. “Anyway, you’re all dismissed. I have a word with.. mother over here. Off you all go. I will see you all in the morning for another training drill. Get some rest” he speaks to the group, gazing upon their faces, only to see how they looked at him with some sort of childhood wonder, and that’s when he realized he must be flushed too. A sheepish smile bloomed on his face.

“Alright! Awesome-” “Yes, sir!"

“Have a good day, General! And you too, Miss!”

He watched them leave, bidding them all farewell, and when he turned to face you again he saw you pinching the bridge of your nose, hiding away the biggest smile of the day, the apples of your cheeks redder than before. The Midnight Rangers were undeniably close in connection, having spent so many nights and days huddled together for warmth or laughs or protection, and this small exchange only warmed Jiyan’s heart, to witness how positively they felt around him - and you.

“Didn’t think we’d become parents so soon. Have we gotten that old already?” Jiyan commented, tone softer in a way he only addressed you when you were alone, and there was no one near the training grounds to hear you.

“Oh, shut up, Jiyan-” you playfully snapped, biting your lip as you looked up at him, stifling a giggle. “You are unbelievable!”

“Hm? Did you expect me to stay quiet today or ignore your quips?” he smiled bigger and you have to admire the little dimples in his cheeks as the smile reaches his eyes, making them squint at you softly.

“I don’t know what I expected, but your response was certainly the last thing I expected” you replied and shook your head, as if that would shake off the redness tinting your skin, imitating him now by crossing your arms. The two of you were looking at each other, wordlessly admiring your red faces while throwing these little quips at one another.

“Ah.. you’ll get used to it, dearest wife”

#-dragon.treasure #Jiyan #Jiyan x reader #Jiyan x you #Jiyan x y/n #jiyan x rover #jiyan imagine #jiyan fluff #wuthering waves #wuthering waves x reader #wuthering waves x you #wuthering waves x female reader #jiyan x female rader #wuwa x reader #wuwa #wuwa x you #wuwa imagine #wuwa fluff #wuthering waves x y/n

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lovebugism · 7 months

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shy!reader goes to the pool with Eddie and is too afraid to wear her swimsuit in front of him? Maybe she’s wearing clothes over her bikini/one piece and doesn’t want to undress at first because of her nerves lol

hope u like it! — you still get a little nervous showing your body, but eddie takes it all in stride (shy!fem!r, established relationship, cw for mentions of body insecurity, 1.1k)

Eddie’s rubber flip-flops are much too big on your feet. You fight to keep them on and match his longer strides at the same time. He leads you down the scenic trail of the Harrington vacation home with one hand curled intently around your own. He doesn’t seem phased by the dirt clinging to his bare feet.

“Think Steve’s folks will get mad if we skinny dip?” he jokes over his shoulder, wild curls billowing in the late afternoon wind.

You shrug. “I don’t think they own the lake, so…”

“I wouldn’t put it past them,” he scoffs.

“Me neither,” you concur with a quiet laugh.

A set of wooden steps lead off the trail and towards the shore. They creak under your weight, ancient and half-eroded with time. Eddie stands beside you on the dock, lips curled into a pink, lopsided smile. “Well, what they don’t know won’t hurt ‘em,” he quips before reaching for the hem of his shirt.

You giggle when he lifts the fabric up and over his head. His milky white torso is left on display for you, sprinkled with sparse hair and a couple of faded tattoos. His body is lanky and lean — stomach soft with gentle pudge where his happy trail begins. You couldn’t hide your leering if you wanted to.

“You’re crazy,” you say, still laughing.

“Crazy for you,” the boy croons.

You watch him reach for the buttons of his jeans, fumbling with them for a moment. Your chest swirls with a strange, hollow feeling. “Wait— Are you serious?” you wonder with wide, glimmering eyes. You’ve never felt totally comfortable swimming in a bathing suit, let alone naked.

Eddie shrugs his freckled shoulders and tugs his jeans down his scruffy thighs. “Yeah. Why not?”

He’s left in his thin, plaid boxers now. He doesn’t seem nearly as fazed by it as you do. Heart thrumming like an anxious hummingbird, your eyes dart over your shoulder and back to him. “What if the others see?!”

“Then let ‘em see,” he chuckles, golden like the early setting sun. “Who cares?”

I care, you almost say, ‘cause you’re too pretty, and I’m not pretty enough.

You swallow your loathing and instead reply, “Steve would never let you live it down if he caught you out here. You know that.”

Eddie’s bare feet pad against the creaking wooden dock. The sound is mostly drowned out by the waves ebbing and flowing beneath you. Nothing could hide the heavenly sound of his laughter, though. “What? That I’m skinnydipping with the prettiest girl in Indiana?” the boy retorts with a boyish chuckle. “I wouldn’t want him to let me live it down.”

You swallow hard, not swayed by the compliment. Your unsure gaze flits to your feet and the black sandals Eddie lent you on the way down. You see his paler, bare ones come into view just before his calloused palms smooth over your waist — above the oversized t-shirt you wear, which also belongs to the boy in front of you.

“I’m just… I’m just kidding, you know? About the skinnydipping thing,” Eddie assures you, suddenly serious and much quieter with it. His head ducks down to catch your falling gaze. His chocolate eyes sparkle beneath the yellow sun. His lips curl into a lopsided smile. “We don’t have to do it if it makes you uncomfortable. We never have to do anything you don’t want, you know that.”

You purse your lips to the side and think for a moment. You’re not nearly as at ease swimming naked as he is, but you’d be silly to turn down the opportunity to be alone with him. You have spent the entire weekend babysitting, after all.

“Can I keep my bathing suit on?” you wonder sheepishly.

Eddie scoffs. “Of course you can! You can do whatever you want, doll. I’m followin’ your lead here.”

He smacks a kiss to your lips, mouth tasting of nicotine, soda, and strawberries — like nostalgia and springtime.

“Can you turn around?”

Eddie meets your coy look with a wider smile. “Yeah. Sure,” he hums and steps back from you to spin on his heel. You know he’ll see you in your bathing suit before you step foot in the water, but you’ve always felt distinctly smothered by his gaze. You don’t feel half deserving of the adoration always swimming in the deep brown of them.

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, you know?” he quips without looking at you.

“It’s different,” you insist, pulling your t-shirt up and over your head. You fold it neatly before setting it gingerly on the dock. You’re left in the pretty one-piece you thrifted before the trip — a floral number that dips low at the chest and ties into a bow at the back.

Eddie doesn’t really understand, but he figures he doesn’t have to. He’ll do whatever makes you most comfortable, no questions asked. “Sure,” he nods. “Can I look now?”

You hesitate for a reason you can’t name. You feel more at ease with Eddie than anyone else in the whole wide world — and besides the fact that he’s seen you in much, much less — you shouldn’t be as nervous as you are now.

“Yeah…” you waver.

Eddie peeks at you over his shoulder for a moment before turning to face you fully. His pink lips purse and a low whistle sounds between them. “Damn,” he mumbles.

You fight back a smile and look away from him, wringing your anxious hands into a knot. “Hush…”

“You’re a total smokeshow, baby.”

“Eddie!”

“Don’t know why you wanna hide from me so bad…” he teases lowly, gravitating towards you without thinking. His hands are warm and wide as they smooth over your sides. His palms curl around your lower back and idle there, fingers lingering just above your ass. “All I wanna do is look at you, and you won’t even let me…” he jokes, mostly serious, but with a playful pout on his lips.

Your arms cross between your bodies. You glare up at him with pretty doe eyes that swim with all the love you have for him. You couldn’t pretend to be annoyed if you tried. “It’s ‘cause you’re so nice…”

His brows raise and disappear behind his fluffy bangs. “You’re shy because I think you’re hot?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “It’s weird.”

“Maybe,” Eddie laughs. He figures it’s on-brand enough for him, as the resident freak and all. But loving you has never felt unnatural or strange. It feels normal, like an instinct he’s always had, something he’s always been destined to do. So he just tilts his pretty head and smiles sweetly down at you. “Can’t help it, though.”

#published by bug #eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things imagine #eddie munson imagine #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #st drabbles #eddie spaghetti drabble

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reidmarieprentiss · 20 days

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hii. Idk if this is too weird/confusing… but

I have this idea of post prison reid and bau agent reader.. We all know that post-prison, reid is like different.. he’s more rough looking (??That beard, rolled up sleeves and disheveled look) but also carry himself with so much more confident? And how he gets more muscle. Overall just getting sexier. But we also know he’s got a lot of trauma bc of what happened. Maybe the reader is loving this whole changes, but as a gf, she’s also kind of worried about his wellbeing. Maybe when he caught the reader eyeing him and got distracted by how good he looks given everything (you can get a little suggestive), but it turns to a conversation about this whole ‘change’ thing??? you can go with it however you think best.

I just.. i think a lot about post-prison reid, how it feels like he burried most of his discomfort/trauma so quickly and idk maybe just started to put up this tough guy kind of ‘persona’ (at least for what i felt watching him in s13-s14 ish lol)

Anyways! You can write however you think best with this. Thankyou so much!! Love your work🫶🏻🥰 💜

Not Strong Enough

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Warnings/Includes: post prison Spencer, crying, showering together, prison flashback (kinda)

Word count: 1.7k

a/n: this was such a good request omgggg i hope you like it 🫶🏻 and thank you so much for trusting me to write it ! <3

main masterlist

The evening sun cast a warm, golden hue across the apartment you and Spencer shared, the place you had carefully maintained while he was away. The familiar scent of his cologne lingered in the air, mingling with the subtle aroma of the dinner you had prepared earlier. You were in the living room, absently flipping through a book, though your eyes kept drifting toward the doorway where you knew Spencer would appear any moment.

When he finally did, your breath caught in your throat for the hundredth time since his return. Spencer leaned against the doorframe, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off those arms that had grown more defined during his time away. His hair was a bit longer, tousled in a way that seemed deliberate, and the beard—God, that beard—framed his face in a way that made him look both dangerous and irresistible. He had always been handsome, but now there was something different, something more rugged, more raw, about him.

You loved it. You couldn’t deny that every time you looked at him, a heat blossomed in your chest, and you often found yourself getting lost in daydreams that weren’t always appropriate. But beneath that attraction was a worry that gnawed at you, a concern for the man beneath the changes.

Spencer caught your gaze, his lips quirking into a small, knowing smile as he pushed off the doorframe and walked over to you. “You’re staring,” he teased, his voice low, a hint of amusement in his tone.

You couldn’t help the blush that crept up your neck, but you didn’t look away. “Can you blame me?” you replied, letting your eyes travel up and down his body with unabashed appreciation. “You look… so good, Spencer. God. Really good.”

He chuckled softly, sitting down next to you on the couch, his presence commanding your full attention. “Is that so?” he asked, leaning in closer, his eyes darkening as they locked onto yours. “What’s so good about me?”

Your breath hitched at the proximity, and for a moment, you forgot the concern you had been harboring, lost in the way his presence seemed to envelop you. “You know exactly what I mean,” you murmured, your hand coming up to trace the line of his jaw, feeling the roughness of his beard against your fingers. “You’ve… changed. Not just how you look, but how you carry yourself. There’s this confidence, this… edge.

Spencer’s eyes softened, the playful glint fading as he turned his head slightly to press a kiss to your palm. “I’m still me,” he said, though there was a note of uncertainty in his voice, as if he was trying to convince himself as much as you.

You nodded, your heart aching at the vulnerability you could sense just beneath the surface. “I know you are. But… I’m worried about you, Spencer. You went through so much, and I know you’re strong, but sometimes… it feels like you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Like you’re putting on this tough exterior to hide what’s really going on inside.”

He sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as he leaned back against the couch, his hand slipping into yours. “I guess… I had to be tough in there. It’s not easy to just turn that off, you know? And maybe… maybe it’s easier to pretend I’m okay than to face everything that happened.”

You squeezed his hand, your heart breaking a little at his words. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Spencer. You don’t have to be strong all the time. I love you, and I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Spencer looked at you, his eyes searching yours, and for a moment, the mask he had been wearing since his return slipped, revealing the hurt and the fear that he had been burying deep inside. “I’m scared,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Scared that if I let myself feel everything, it’ll break me.”

You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, hoping to convey all the love and support you felt for him. “Then let me help you carry it,” you whispered against his lips. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

He kissed you back, deeper this time, his hands coming up to cup your face as if grounding himself in your presence. When he pulled back, there was a softness in his eyes, a vulnerability that you hadn’t seen in a long time. “Thank you,” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours. “For being here. For loving me, even like this.”

You smiled, brushing your thumb across his cheek. “Always,” you promised. “No matter what, I’m here.”

Spencer pulled you into his arms, holding you close as if you were the anchor keeping him from drifting away. And in that moment, you knew that no matter how much he had changed, no matter how much he tried to bury his pain, he would always be the man you loved. And you would be there, every step of the way, to help him find his way back to himself.

—

The sound of the shower running had become a comforting backdrop in your shared apartment, signaling Spencer's return to some semblance of normalcy. But tonight, something was different. As you passed by the bathroom, you heard the faintest sniffle, a sound so soft you almost dismissed it. Almost.

You paused, hand hovering over the doorknob as concern twisted in your chest. Slowly, you opened the door a crack, peeking inside to see Spencer standing under the spray, his back to you. His shoulders were hunched, and you could see the subtle shake in his frame as he tried to keep himself together.

"Spence? Baby?" you called gently, your voice barely above a whisper.

He gasped, the sound muffled by the water cascading over him. "Hi, darling. What's up?" His voice was strained, an obvious attempt to mask the turmoil you knew he was feeling.

"Are you okay?" you ventured, your heart aching as you waited for his response.

There was a long pause, the sound of the water the only thing filling the space between you. Finally, he sighed, the weight of it heavy with unspoken pain. "...No."

You stepped into the bathroom then, your concern outweighing any hesitation. "Can I come in?"

"In the shower?" His voice wavered.

"Yes, baby," you replied, letting a small, reassuring smile creep into your tone, hoping to ease his mind even just a little.

You heard his quiet "yeah" before you quickly stripped down, the urgency to comfort him overriding any other thought. When you stepped into the shower, the warm water cascading over your skin, you found him standing still, his hands clenched at his sides, as if he were trying to hold himself together by sheer will alone.

Without a word, you wrapped your arms around him from behind, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder blade. You held him close, your touch gentle but firm, grounding him in the present, away from whatever memories had resurfaced.

"Do you want to talk about it?" you asked softly, your voice barely audible over the sound of the water.

Spencer's chest heaved with deep, shuddering breaths, the kind that come right before a sob breaks free. "I guess…I was just remembering what it was like to shower…there."

He didn’t need to say more. You knew what he meant, the horror of those confined spaces, the fear that had accompanied every moment, the helplessness that had seeped into his bones. Your heart ached for him, for the pain he was carrying, the trauma he was trying so hard to bury.

Gently, you spun him around, cupping his face in your hands. His eyes were squeezed shut, tears already mingling with the water on his face. You brought his head down to yours, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead, lingering there as if you could somehow kiss away the memories, the pain.

"You’re home, you’re safe, and you survived," you whispered against his skin, your voice filled with all the love and reassurance you could muster.

He nodded, his breath hitching as the first sob escaped, his tears flowing freely now. You held him as he cried, his body shaking with the force of his emotions. He clung to you, his hands fisting in your hair, as if afraid to let go, afraid that if he did, the memories would swallow him whole.

But you held him, strong and steady as you whispered soothing words into his ear. "I’m here, Spence. I’m not going anywhere."

Minutes passed, or maybe hours, you weren’t sure. Time seemed to stand still as you held him, the water now running cold but neither of you caring. Eventually, Spencer’s sobs quieted, his breathing evening out as he rested his head against your shoulder, utterly spent.

You kissed the side of his head, gently guiding him to turn off the water. "Come on, let’s get you dried off."

He nodded, his movements slow, almost reluctant, as if he feared the weight of the world would crash back down the moment you let go. But you didn’t let go, not even for a second. You wrapped him in a towel, guiding him to the bed, where you both sat down, still wrapped around each other.

As you pulled the covers over you both, Spencer rested his head on your chest, his arms around your waist, holding you close. "Thank you for being here," he murmured, his voice hoarse from crying, but laced with gratitude.

You stroked his damp hair, pressing a kiss to his temple. "Thank you for coming back."

And as you held him close, you knew that no matter what demons he faced, no matter how broken he felt, you would be there, every step of the way, helping him piece himself back together. Because you loved him—every part of him, even the broken ones—and you would never let him face the darkness alone.

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