#like! i like the ship i think its got a lot going for it and i did really truly root for them from the start
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MY TAKE ON THE CAITVI DISCOURSE
total wordcount: 1591
I will say that I've briefly commented on their dynamic in the past, but it was worded really badly so I feel like I need to defend my writing skills a little bit as well with this, but that's just a sidenote. 💀
I think what a lot of people are missing when people do criticise CaitVi is that they aren't necessarily hating on the ship, it's what writing choices have done to it.
I'm not even going to even say I'm a CaitVi hater, I'm not (S1 CaitVi my beloved, you deserved better), but I do think the choices that writers made this season heavily effected how audiences portrayed the ship, even including myself.
Idk I hope this insight might give some people more perspective on why CaitVi became so hated in this season, people rlly need to start looking at both sides and not taking criticism as a personal attack. It really could've been avoided too if the writers had added more time or extended the series onto a third season, but that's another issue on its own.
1. Caitlyn hits Vi
I really don't get why people are so quick to defend Caitlyn on this one, especially considering the amount of hate Vi got when she hit Powder. Are both inexcusable? Yes. But I do think that the situation is a little different when it's a fifteen year old child who had just witnessed the death of her entire family and a twenty something year old woman who took out her anger and grief on the woman she loved because she blocked her shot.
I do think that people also do ignore the immense amount of trauma that Caitlyn suffered at the hand of Jinx, but unlike when Vi 'abandoned' Powder, (again, that's a whole other conversation, we know she was not abandoned), Vi was not that direct source of anguish to Caitlyn the way Powder was to Vi. (Pls lmk if you want me to expand further on this)
Again, not excusing Vi hitting Powder, I'm pointing out the differences.
It's then also incredibly tone deaf when Caitlyn hits her on two more occasions with the same gun, the third time being played off as a joke. It really doesn't come off well, especially when Vi had been a victim of police-brutality even before the abuse she faced at the hands of the enforcers in Stillwater.
And then, even after all this, it's never addressed. It's brushed over, like Vi's entire trauma in the show, the most we get is Caitlyn brushing her hand over Vi's abdomen in the cell scene. Again, can be taken as an apology, but I think that for some very specific things (like hitting your romantic partner), verbal apologies do need to be made in order to communicate healthily and somewhat build a healthier relationship.
I don't really want to talk about the abusive implications of this, because I don't think I'm someone who can talk about it with a full understanding because that's something I've fortunately never been through, but the blatant disregard and shunning of abuse survivors when they pull up the red flags raised because of this is disgusting. In real life, or if it had even been someone else in the show, if the ship had been a heterosexual relationship, people would call Caitlyn an abuser and would be outraged that Vi had been paired with her in the end. But I digress.
1. The cell sex scene
Initially I hadn't been too bothered about this when I had first watched the episode, but when you really think about it, it shouldn't have happened. Hell, they could've had sex in Caitlyn's office and half of the criticism wouldn't have happened, the ship wouldn't be so hated and the fandom wouldn't be half as divided as it is now (from what I've seen).
First and foremost, the cell.
All I can say is wtf. It was such a poor choice it's actually unfathomable to me now. I don't know why the writers thought that it'd be a good idea for Caitlyn and Vi to have their first time in a jail cell, not only the one Jinx had been locked in, but the one Vi had herself been locked in for what we can assume to be hours. The place of her abuse should not be somewhere where the writers could possibly think would be a suitable for a victim to have such an intimate moment with her partner.
Then there's the fact that Vi had looked to have had some sort of breakdown, we see she's sh and there are literal crates in the wall from where she punched it as well as her knuckles bleeding. As soon as she sees Caitlyn, there's a parallel to when they first met, to when Vi is quite literally caged. She's clearly not in the right state of mind, and so when the scene eventually happens it inevitably comes off as wrong because Vi is incredibly emotionally vulnerable in that moment.
"But Vi initiated it!" That still doesn't make it okay. I do think that this also came with an issue of timing, but then again, as I mentioned earlier, it literally could've been in the office as they argued and it would've been recieved so much better then the cell scene was. Vi wasn't breaking down, she wasn't locked in a reminder of the abuse she faced and her sister hadn't just ran off to do goodness knows what (in Vi's POV, us as the audience know exactly what she's about to do). They could've even have it fade to black and cut to the next scene tangled in bed doing whatever they would've been doing in the cell, Vi would assumably have had time to calm down, would be having sex in a warm and safe environment, and guess what? The audience would've been even happier.
Sure there would've been criticism, but Vi could literally save a thousand babies and adopt them all and still face hate, because a lot of the hate is being directed to Vi too because of the situation with Jinx. That, again, is a whole other situation.
3. "Dirt Under Your Nails"
Again, for the love of god, there can be so many takeaways from this sentence but do not be surprised that people didn't like it. I didn't, it made me cringe horribly.
And before people throw 'media literacy is dead', this whole post (practically essay), is analysing a piece of media that I love. To be literate, you can draw different interpretations and conclusions and that's exactly what I'm doing. It's like saying literacy is dead if two people were to disagree on what the meaning of Macbeth's quote 'I am in blood' meant.
I digress.
I think the main issue here is the class difference between Vi and Cait. Caitlyn is from the aristocracy, a direct heir to a position of power in Piltover, while Vi is lower class, effected indefinitely by growing up in poverty. Even though she grew up as Vander's kid, they were still 'scraping for scraps'. The wealth margin between the two is almost immeasurable, and with the difference in money comes a difference in experiences, as we - the audiences - know.
It especially comes off wrong considering the class tensions and political themes heavily focussed on within the first season. The conflict between Piltover and Zaun, the abuse of power and exploitation of Zaunites by both topside and the chembarons, the prevalence of police brutality on the streets of the Undercity. Again, Vi is someone who is directly effected by this, while Caitlyn came into this blissfully naïve. She did learn yes, and in s1 she was so determined to help, but when then this progress reverts into her calling zaunites 'animals' and using the grey as a weapon, it again makes Vi's words feel uncomfortable.
Again, I think this was a massive timing issue, I would've love to see Caitlyn succumb fully to a villain arc. It would've been so interesting to delve into.
I think Vi has always had the image of herself that she'll always be viewed as less by Piltover, that she herself views herself as less. She says it herself to Vander in s1 ep2 while they're on the bridge, "I grew up knowing I'm less than them." So when she then says as her final words in the show, "I'm the dirt under your nails" obviously, that's going to come across as tacky.
People are free to think of romantic connotations for this, I won't stop you, but when you think about how the show was so focussed on class tensions, police brutality, oppression and exploitation, it doesn't come off right. Idk, that's what got me so interested with the show in the first place, the way these themes were explored so deeply but subtly in a way that didn't feel forced, so Vi's words really rubbed me the wrong way.
Conclusion
So I hope everyone that read somewhat gets where I'm coming from, this was my attempt to try and explain what I think needed to be, badly. Again, you can like the ship, I'm not saying I don't, but it also needs to be acknowledged that there is so many things that could've been worked on properly, done properly or addressed properly, and ignoring criticism won't help these issues to be fixed in the future.
Feel free to ask any questions and thanks for reading this long ass rant :)
#vi arcane#arcane vi#arcane s2#arcane netflix#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#this is not anti caitvi#caitvi#I miss s1 caitvi chat ☹️☹️#bring back the scene from s1 ep 8#where was that caitvi in s2 😔😔#this was so long omfg#if only i was this passionate about my assignments#let alone my epq 💀💀#sixth form is kicking my assss 😝 (send help)
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Hi TT ily, can I perchance be nosey about why you ship Knuxadow and if you have any favorite headcanons about the ship? :]c 💋💋
Omg hihi!! I genuinely can't remember how I got into the ship, but I just like the fact that they have so much in common yet obviously deal with things very differently. Their personalities also go together in an interesting way in my opinion, even though they do clash at times. Literally that post thats like "When the character that was raised to be a weapon finally meets the character that was raised to be a shield" AUGHG. Idk I just think they'd understand eachother well. From an outsiders perspective it would probably seem as if they don't really like eachother because they spend a lot of time in silence or speaking with indifference, but its like they're the only ones that get it. The fact they're both not used to expressing their feelings like that also adds to it. Just the whole 'mutual respect developing into deeper feelings but they're both bad at' thing it is always fun. This is of course all made up btw because sega is allergic to having them interact 😞
#This came out way longer than I expected erm#idk if it makes sense I feel like I worded this weird but#them as a platonic pairing is great too#I also really like sonknux and knuxouge I just never post them ahhhghhhhh
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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i think the thing i'm most disappointed about with riordanverse fandom now versus like 2014 is not only has the fandom not gotten any less racist or queerphobic or ableist (in fact in some regards its gotten worse!) but now it's just boring too. like there's no fandom infrastructure anymore - the community these days is almost entirely source material-driven - and you deviate from canon even slightly people get weird about it. whatever happened to the post-HoO fanon boom. the fandom needs to get weirder again. and self-sufficient. and less offensive.
#pjo#riordanverse#deep and weary sigh. we need to bring back the lower ecosystem rings of fandom#prop up some good ol' community spaces especially since a lot of old ones have totally petered out#< mostly referring to stuff like ye olde ship headcanons blogs#heck even doing a quick search for ''pjo headcanons'' the most recent blog was last active in 2017 and the other two in 2013#there's an rp community floating around but im keeping tabs on the riordanverse askblog community and its a bit dire#there's been like what - *one?* maybe two major fandom aus that have floated around recently?#one moreso being one person's au that most people dont actually do much with#and the other more being like a half-hearted general concept that got kicked around for a couple of weeks#i am legitimately tempted to just go wild and start planning out and setting up like a hub for trying to revitalize the community#like the community EXISTS. it's THERE. it ebbs and flows! but now it only really does much when there's new official content#and it rarely exists outside of that#and given we are technically in a fandom boom right now with the show now is like. the perfect opportunity to set up fandom infrastructure#so that new fans have a place to go and integrate with the community and start pumping new life back into things#also i think the fandom becoming more self-sufficient could help with the offensive part since Rick sure isnt helping
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So there was a post a while back about Ben Solo always being told "don't do (x), that's how uncle luke lost his hand" when he was a kid - and I raise you: Elrond and Elros being told "don't do (x), that's how Maedhros lost his hand"??
Like, at Amon Ereb when the twins were newly acquired and refusing to eat their vegetables and Maglor is Mag-mothering them until Erestor, feral half-sane clinically depressed anarchist Avari hostage/patient/infiltrator and Certified Little Shit, hits em with:
"I would listen to the Lord Maglor, winyamor, he well knows the dangers that come to young elflings who don't eat enough vegetables - after all, that's how his brother lost his hand."
Elrond looks conflicted. Elros squints suspiciously. "Truly?"
Erestor, practically comatose since the massacre but ultimately saved from Fading by the biological compulsion to fuck with you, lays a hand over his heart. "I would never lie about such a thing! Just what do you take me for? This is a true tale and a grave warning - the Lord Maedhros' hand was tragically lost in the days of his youth, whilst he was still growing as you are. He refused to eat his vegetables and so, cruelly deprived of the strength it needed to grow strong, his body started to fall apart! First his fingers, then his thumb, and then his palm and wrist - all turned blue and dropped off!"
"No!" Elrond gasps. Elros looks both terrified and impressed. Maglor's face is scrunched up into something that the twins probably interpret as pained - at reminder of the horrors of limbs falling off! - but is actually just him busting a rib trying not to laugh.
"Yes!" Erestor cries with relish. "And it never grew back. All because he didn't eat his vegetables. Isn't that right, Lord Maedhros?"
Maedhros, a looming terror at the head of the table, scarred and solemn and impenetrable as his fortresses, narrows his eyes consideringly at the unfolding shenanigans and the rascal behind it. His conclusion? Fuck it. He gives a slow, solemn nod. Completely deadpan and exaggeratedly formal, because it may have been centuries since he last had his brothers smothering laughter at political dinners but the Finwëan sense of humour, once caught, is not an ailment easily cured.
Maglor conceals his wheezes behind his goblet as Erestor nods sagely to the wide-eyed twins, who suddenly seem a sight more interested in their vegetables.
#it helps that maedhros also has a metric fuck ton of scars so he can make up so much shit#know how i lost my eye? didnt go to bed on time and it shrivelled up#why do i have to wear a shoulder brace sometimes? didn't practice my letters and the bones all fell apart#where'd my fingernails go? didnt wash my hands before eating and they ran away#why is my back all stripy with criss-cross lines? didnt use my cutlery and they attacked me#why are some of my teeth metal? cause i didnt clean em properly for two minutes with mint ointment and i accidentally ate them in my sleep#whys there grey bits in my hair? didnt bathe after running around in the woods and the cobwebs got stuck and never came out#what happened to my ears? ducked underneath a horse and it spooked and bit them off so never ever do that again elros its very dangerous ok#i dont care your ears are smaller because youre peredhel elros the horse will get you#whys my hair so short? didnt comb it so it was stolen by orcs now hand me the brush and get over here elrond your head's a birdnest#for all that the kid's questions sometimes make maedhros a lil uncomfortable its actually really healing for him#sure sauron whipped him until his spine broke but now he uses those marks to get his kids to eat with cutlery like civilised people#and he cut his hair in a depressive spiral after fingon died but his kids think it was so tangled the orcs stole it to make scruffy orc wig#and his shoulders fucked from hanging on thangondrim for decades but if you kids dont sit down and do your lessons then so help me -#his beloved fingon always kissed his scars when he was allowed but it was witty irreverent half insane erestor who helped him laugh at them#i kind of ship it in a 'secret third thing' kinda way u feel me? not sex not friends but they bring a lot out of eachother its weird#erestor#maedhros#kidnap fam#elrond and elros#maglor#there is a fic that goes with this who wants it
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guys is this a safe space. can i admit that i do not like how caitvi panned out.
#like! i like the ship i think its got a lot going for it and i did really truly root for them from the start#but uh. my god.#vi as a character being made redundant outside cait her entire conflict w her sister set aside#the whole conflict in class just shrugged off when cait was pulling a mussolini this whole season#(goes into my wider criticism on how zaun was treated throughout s2 but nevertheless)#THE DIRT UNDER THE NAILS LINE.#and thats not even going into everything w jinx and vander#idk. idk. more thoughts to potentially follow it just felt so… shallow to me#esp given how layered and nuanced their s1 dynamic was this felt like a huge letdown#canon but at what cost (jinx)#and when i think of the cost (jinx) my neutral dislike of how caitvi were handled turns to rage#lettos says#arcane#arcane spoilers
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/37032b1a12928736e281e9f58f4158bc/27e289953996059b-ea/s540x810/bbbdf019da7f921a9058a6b46046bd36a4352ce2.jpg)
I've been... Busy 👀
Trying to get all 4 arcs from season 1 into books!
(not available for sale, these are print proofs. I'm planning a Kickstarter early next year!)
#this is why i havent been posting much#ive been so busy between making episodes and doing Kickstarter prep#theres been a lot more for Kickstarter prep than i had anticipated#i mean. not really.#i knew it was gonna be a lot#but it's takin longer than i thought#cause i always forget how little time i have outside of making comic updates#I'm also thinking $25 a book#and then itd be $30-60 to ship them#so. if youre reading these tags its not an official announcement#but i want to give people ample warning#cause i know $150 is a lot to save up#also for legal reasons#i can not print all the books at once...#i have to go one at a time??#so I'm planning on making it like.. a box every few months#idk#I'm trying to think of thinfs that make it more worthwhile to do it that way#i want ppl to feel like they got their moneys worth idk#but! tbese two books look really good#I get proofs really early so i can go through for typos or color errors asap#so! hopefully I'll have the ghost and Victorian ones done by end kf year#so i can do the Kickstarter in like... jan/feb#i wanna add some scenes to the Victorian one#so. loads of work to do#printing#books#Kickstarter prep#time and time again
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worst yaoi youve ever seen
#fe laslow#fe keaton#fe14#fe shitpost#fire emblem#laskeat#????? i dont know what their ship name is i feel like thats what i normally use but who knows#guess who just learned how to use the fates text generator#it took way more steps than i thought like ive had the generator on my laptop since i got it i just. didnt use it#oh well. anyways miss them a bit. miss laslow in general but is that surprising to anyone#they go on dates in the dog park and yes it goes exactly how you think it would#except laslow tells keaton hes not allowed to use his full beast form bc its like 8 feet tall and he would scare the shit out of the dogs#but then it just looks like this normal ass dude is playing fetch in the park its a whole lot of trouble for no reason#love them
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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im so excited to see how zelda and the gerudo interact, plus how long has it been since we got a 2d zelda with gerudo in it
Anon I gotta disagree, with all current ANYTHING nintendo says about the Gerudo I will be pleasantly surprised if they dropped any of the shit they made up in totk. I mean its cool that they now keep including them in games again but going from oot which was a bad portrayal to a worse one was .......
#not excited for that aspect and i imagine a lot of people are worried on what bullshit nintendo is gonna make up now with zelda being#involved cuz after the uh.....shipping your kids off to town because its apart of their culture to never interact with men#even men of their own family#is a fucked up and fetishised version of what the historical harem is#like im sorry but correct me if im wrong but i think thats where they got a lot of shit for their chracterization of the gerudo#also the gerudo appreadred in Cadence of Hyrule and i think had a better portrayal then most of the games#ill go see if im wrong but i domt remember it being as weird or negative as any nintendo made game#so like idk its not like FSA was the last 2d game the gerudo were in
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sheesh speaking of psychic damage, bro is trying to kill himself with his mind here
#14: i get you alone without witnesses and its fuckign over#15: youre making me look SO bad rn#'as if i would ever do that! hugs <3'#14 knowing all his own tricks: i dont trust you as far as i can throw you#theres a lot of fun to be had here actually wrt like. who knows/thinks/believes what right?#like for 15 the bigeneration was Bad. for 14 we dont know#they might be doing a double act! theyve got the same dog in the fight right?#its a really good shot you should go watch this oh my goddddddd obsessed#so much to be read into this#like dont get fooled by the hugging they know Exactly who they are and they Do Not fucking like that person#15 kicks them out Immediately!#hes like okay this was fun :) get the fuck out of my house#its very ruth doctor 'i'd like it if you got off my ship now'#its very very that#14 knows its that#they know themselves well enough i dont think hes fooled by 15#i'll rewatch the whole thing to see the rest of it. in context of these thoughts. bc i havent thought abt this before#but i dont think 14 is fooled at all#he knows who he is. he knows what hes like. he knows what hes to be trusted on and what Not#'im fine bc you fix yourself' 14 is like yeah Right#'idk what the fuck is gonna happen but youre FineTM. FineTM is the best we do'
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...
#not to vague abt a particular niche of a fandom no one cares about BUT im losing my mind a bit#bc there's a ship that literally got me so invested that i read fanfiction for the 1st time. i adore them so much#i think their canon relationship is so fucking lovely and its bullshit what happened to them. if u kno u kno.#but now i go to ao3 and try to find fics and im like... yo y do these all fucking suck?#like i get it. no one has given a fuck abt this fandom since like the 2010s but i mean ive read lots of way better fics for waaaay#tinier fandoms. i guess thoses ppl just cared way more. no one gives enough of a fuck to write a good fic for these 2.#ugh. im probably just being a bitch. like is it bc its a heterosexual ship? is the bar really so low for writing straight relationships that#they have to b so fucking boring immediately???? like what the fuck is happening. i feel like im losing my mind#wheres the passion? where the dedication? wheres the willingness to die for eachother and fight side by side?#its all boring bullshit or weird self insert feeling smut. or maybe its me. maybe im the problem bc i refuse to read the fics that have#adultery and divorce in them bc im so in denial abt the ending of bleach that i cannot stand to even look at#the canon endgame ships. it makes me to angry. so yea maybe im the problem#i jus6 don't understand it. its the same for narut0 x s4suke fics. like????#did we watch the same show??? why tf r u writing them so weird and boring and wrong????#that one i them im right abt bc others have confirmed it. but idk abt these 2. my fucking original otp is cursed to toil away in bad#fanfiction. or maybe all the good fics r on ff dot net. but fuck if im gonna wade thru that hellsite#anyway. this is what u get when u get invested in terrible anime. i mean with peace and love it is my nostalgia show but like u kno#unrelated
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Fuuta x Kotoko?
Waah I hope the fact that this ran a little long makes up for the lateness -- I really love the idea and was so excited to get the request!! They'd be so interesting and affect each other so much...... it makes me crazy...... It becomes canon divergent at the end because I genuinely think being in each others' company more would influence them both
Kotoko was nothing if not observant. Over the years, she’d found herself in – and gotten herself out of – enough situations to get a good read on the people she interacted with. No matter what this world threw her way, she could always rely on those abilities. And from the moment she met Milgram’s third prisoner, those abilities told her he was nothing but trouble.
“Oi,” he’d called across the dining table during the first meal they all had shared. “What did you do to get here?”
From the moment she woke up in this strange place, Kotoko had kept to herself. It’s dangerous to charge forward and introduce oneself to a group of mysterious murderers when there are no locks on the doors. She hadn’t spoken a word to anyone, the others smart enough to heed her intense look and stay away.
Fuuta, on the other hand, was the first to speak directly to her. He stared impatiently.
“Well?”
She noted his directness. His volume. The brashness and vulgarity she’d heard earlier in the day. His motivations and values he’d let slip in his early defenses. His anger and his fear. The suspicion in his gaze, as well as the need for reassurance in his voice. In that moment, the information clicked together in her mind, and Kotoko realized two things:
Kajiyama Fuuta was a lot like her, in the obvious ways.
Kajiyama Fuuta was nothing like her, in the ways that really mattered.
“The same reason as everyone else, I suppose,” she said carefully. He may have revealed his whole hand, but from experience she knew better than to do the same.
A lot of her experiences returned to her as the trial went on. She went through the motions of coaxing secrets out of quiet men, or playing along with cheery girls’ games to uncover what she was looking for. She remembered how it felt on stakeouts as she kept her eye on the warden’s door, and recalled the thrill of negotiation when she had a moment alone with them. And unfortunately, she recognized the immediate sensation of being tailed. She was used to shaking an unwanted follower out on the streets, but it was difficult to do the same when the only places to go consisted of three rooms and a corridor.
No matter how inconspicuous Fuuta thought he was being, Kotoko got a glimpse of that bright hair retreating around corners just behind her. She could feel his eyes boring into her back, always conveniently whipping away by the time she turned to look. The only thing that seemed to affect his permanently blaring volume was when she was speaking nearby – unlike a real stalker who would tactfully pretend not to be listening in, Fuuta would use the opportunity to jump into all her conversations.
Kotoko was in the middle of her morning stretches when she became aware of his presence lurking around the doorway. After several weeks of the behavior, she’d had quite enough. Kotoko knew that if you can’t shake a tail, there’s only one other option.
She stepped out of her cell, swiftly reaching for Fuuta’s collar. With a handful of his uniform, she shoved him back against the cell bars. For someone that had creeped on all her daily exercise routines, he seemed awfully shocked at how strong she was.
“Stop following me.” She kept her voice low and even. “I don’t know what you want from me, nor do I care. I will –”
“I don’t want anything from you!”
He raised his voice in an attempt to sound tough, but only succeeded in coming off desperate. He tried to weasel out of her grasp to no avail. She’d had practice intimidating guys three times her height – it was almost too easy now that she had an inch or so on Fuuta.
“Don’t give me that oblivious crap. Every day. Every single day, you –”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about! You’re the one who acting fucking crazy!”
Even after knowing it was in vain, he kept squirming under her harsh look. His eyes flicked frantically around the room, only able to take in her stone cold expression for a brief moment at a time. He kept shouting his own defenses, his cheeks growing more red by the second.
This time, the information gathered took a bit longer to fall into place. One of her conclusions was something Kotoko was very used to. The other was something she’d never quite experienced before. For the first time in long career of poker faces, she visibly started upon realizing two things:
Kajiyama Fuuta was downright terrified of her.
Kajiyama Fuuta was hopelessly attracted to her.
She hurriedly released him, jerking herself away. “Just… stay out of my way.”
“I was never in your way!” He shouted after her, his voice still shaking.
She should have stuck to her own demand and kept her distance; she was already aware of how much trouble this prisoner was capable of. But she took pride in her abilities to gather information of interest. And god, was Fuuta interesting.
Between his constantly running mouth and his never running filter, he was always keeping her on her toes. She’d never met anyone who pressed her for answers like that – Fuuta was never satisfied with the explanations that could placate everyone else. He was always questioning, always pushing back. Though his talk could be as shallow as the older prisoners' melancholy musings, or the children’s gossipy chatter, it was different when he and Kotoko really went at it in a debate.
Fuuta talked shamelessly about society, about the other prisoners, and about her. The others kept their distance from someone as quietly calculating as her, but Fuuta would pour out his thoughts right to her face. He had her back when she was trying to prove a point to the others, but was too stubborn to compromise on any of own opinions when they conflicted. It was refreshing.
And that was all it was, she would remind herself. The man would be insufferable if he was ever under the impression that she so much as tolerated his company. For everyone’s sake, he should remain completely unaware.
Awareness, however, was the very thing Kotoko prided herself in. She picked up on exactly what the warden was trying to communicate by granting her innocence. She was aware of the opportunities that arose with their disappearance. She noted the best time to fulfill her duties to them. She knew the optimal order to attack each prisoner in, to guarantee success.
It was due to her beloved observation skills that she found herself in cell 003 in the middle of the night. It didn’t matter how many training sessions Fuuta had spectated, or how many she’d invited him to join – he wasn’t as perceptive as she. He couldn’t predict or counter a single one of her movements. It only took a few moments for her to have him pinned on the ground.
“Y-you were serious?” Fuuta managed, even as her weight made it difficult for him to breathe.
She’d confided in him about her deal with the warden, one late night long before verdicts were announced. She didn’t know what had driven her to do it. It had been a rare lapse in her judgment. The current situation only confirmed why she should never reveal more information than necessary. Why she should get closer to someone than necessary.
“I am always serious.”
“Kotoko…”
She knew all of Fuuta’s typical arguments and excuses, and she had a rebuttal for each. She wound her arm back, her brass knuckles reflecting in the dim panopticon light.
“...J-just… do it fast.”
Kotoko’s arm wavered.
“What?”
“I’m not a fucking idiot. Even before that brat called you innocent, I knew that y-you were the one in the right. I used to think that you and I were the same, but I know that was all a lie. You were always the real hero. M-more than anyone else in this shithole. So…” Fuuta closed his eyes, squeezing tears from them. “Make it quicker than you did for that asshole, will ya?”
Kotoko gripped her fight tighter. It was trembling.
Fuuta’s eyes remained shut in fear. In trust. His breathing was erratic as he pretended not to be crying or struggling from the pressure on his lungs. He grit his teeth, preparing himself for what was to come. Kotoko prepared herself as well.
Releasing a cry, she swung forward. The moment before her brass knuckles clashed with the floor, just to the left of Fuuta’s face, Kotoko realized one thing:
Kajiyama Fuuta was indeed nothing but trouble.
#milgram#kotoko yuzuriha#fuuta kajiyama#0310#this was already more than i planned but i would have loved to include a symbolism comparison somehow --#the wildness and destruction of fire to a wild and violent animal#but with patience and care humans have domesticated both into beautiful helpful things#im defintiely down for a toxic they-beat-each-other-up ship but i really think it wouldnt happen#i think being around kotoko would make fuuta second guess himself and slow down (just a tiiiiny bit - not a lot lol)#but enough where hed face her punishment with dignity#and being around him would make kotoko confront her own stubborn views think about how good intentions can go awry#i was torn for characterizing kotoko... i always picture her secretive and stuff but then i remember shes very upfront in canon#so i tried to find a mix of honesty with caution#which works well with fuutas honesty and recklessness lol#also IM SORRY this is from kotokos pov and you got straight up paragraphs of 'oughghh this is why fuuta is so cool!!'#but i feel like its easy to see why hed be starstruck and inspired by her#but tougher to understand why shed fall for him back 😅#anyway thank you again for the request!! i love them and think theyre so interesting!#this was super fun#drabbles
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heyo spinny!! whats some of your favourite tlg ships? or just any you like in general
EHEHEHE rubbing my hands together. evilly. hehehe
well, kiburi is my pathetic wet cat blorbo and i happen to love all the crackships for him. kiburi x makuu? funny as fuck. kiburi x ushari? love them in nikki's pirate au they keep me up at night. kiburi x janja? the outlands brotp ever. my favourite character's stupid ships my beloved yknow?
in terms of other ships: reirei x goigoi obviously. baobabfruit ofc (thanks to you :] /pos). jasiri x kion because yeah. and as you could never tell (/sarc) i love poly ships so banzai x shenzi x ed, tano x nne x madoa, & kiara x tiifu x zuri are ones i really enjoy too. oh and i'll say timon x pumbaa too since they were my first tlk ship i suppose :]
#it's funny bc. sometimes i think about crackships more than my actual ships#like i got an ask about tamka x nduli and i kept thinking about it. in a /pos way#probably because im open minded to ships and i can see them in a queerplatonic light yknow#idk how to explain it. the best example might be through kiburi#in canon i see him as aroace. but i also enjoy various ships for him and all of those would be in aus#alternatively i could see him being in a qpr. but its kiburi so whoever he was with would have to be really right for him lmao#i like kiburi x ushari for that reason. if you put them in the right setting they just Work. for me#something something everyone has their own view of ships and how characters work with each other#therefore i will never be a ship hater. unless its fucking proship or whatever obviously#sail your ships! if i enjoy em i'll happily hop on board otherwise they can float on by it doesn't bother me#another ramble. i used to enjoy kion x ono a lot#it stemmed from way back when i first watched the show and ono was my favourite#i think i saw them both as demiromantic so they just. worked. to me#nowadays i favour ono x beshte x bunga so there we go#used to have a lot of janja ships back in the day too#idk man the world of shipping is interesting to me#and i ship a lot of stuff :] and im happy about it#endlessly rambles at u in tags hfgdjjdhdhd#thanks for askin :D#asks!!#the lion guard thoughts#the lion guard#tlg#mutuals
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thinking about how wind waker link’s first adventure had him controlling the winds to get around, it being his biggest strength in braving and traversing the seas, and in his next adventure he finds himself on a ship that does not at all require the wind for anything
#idk. like. even if link had the wind waker in ph. it would kinda be totally useless#just some thoughts#loz#legend of zelda#link#wind waker#phantom hourglass#i have yet to play wind waker properly but i think a lot about the differences between ww and ph#in terms of links experiences. like in ph realistically he has little control in where they go. its not his ship#he marks the path and mans the cannon but thats all he likely knows how to do#and hes only allowed to manually steer one time as far as we can see#idk. thoughts. i got ph on the mind and made this connection earlier idk if its anything#i like the idea of his ph adventure being a massive change insofar as… hes not some hero of courage he was just there in time#if that makes sense? ik he doesnt have the spirit of the hero of w/e and hes not specifically chosen#but its scaled back a lot in ph anyone technically couldve stepped up and did what link does#hes not alone he constantly has a fairy tagging along hes got a larger group of constant companions#idk what im trying to get at. maybe im brainstorming link ideas#salty talks#maybe the idea of link kind of wanting to feel needed after ww. if that makes sense. hes afraid of being useless to someone#something like that. he doesnt really want to go back to just being the kid the gods didnt pick bc he feels like.#hm. playing the hero in ww made him feel needed but it also terrified him and that feeling of being needed helped him combat that terror
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Ugh, I've had such a headache today and I still had to go to a doctor's appointment 😭😭 I just wanna lay downnnn
#jane journals#not self ship#vent#nothing toooooo serious#i dont think anyway#i needed a physical and had some other concerns#now i got labs scheduled#i rly wanted to just relax and draw and i tried to this morning but it wasnt going ao well#*so#im gonna try again when i get home#i did however find a THREE HOUR VIDEO about the first season of fraggle rock and i almost finished it before i had to go > w <#its so good!! the person who made it is SOOOO cute and honestly....twins#they love fraggle rock as much as i do 😭😭#they like intermittently between explaining the episodes give fun facts and trivia#and for a lot of it i was like 'hehe i knew that already'
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