#life updates with fish
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autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)
anyway
i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.
then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.
then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that
christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.
going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.
im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.
#life updates with fish#vent post#ig#honestly i might not be okay but that's alright. i dont have to be okay and i don't have to be ashamed#im doing better than i was though#but every time i type that the anxiety returns so probably not actually its just more managable#long post#fuck me this was longer than i thought it was gonna be#oops oh well
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=====>
Jimmy: There it is!!
Jimmy: Our salvation!
Martyn: Nice, man! Now we can continue our naval adventure indefinitely!
Jimmy: Yaaaay!
Jimmy: ....
Jimmy: We're gonna stop to cook it though, right?
Martyn: Oh come on
=====>
Start Over -- Go Back
#quadruple life#life smp fan session#jimmy solidarity#martyn inthelittlewood#ldshadowlady#another chance to meet up with Lizzie lost :')#blame the RNG it put the fish there#sorry for the short and disappointing update
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Molly/Muffy from Harvest Moon of Seasonal Stories: A Wonderful Life (on Gamecube and Switch)
#sos awl#sos a wonderful life#molly#i really miss the prev names like.... muffy short for muffin and i love muffins#i just really miss my asshole guy over at the other farm named after a fish#he got renamed to another m name and im just why are you guys doing this to me#hi i cant buy new games and my pc wont play steam anymore so no more updated sdv until it hits switch in i think november#so thats kind of at a pause and now im playing other farming games i had#like sos awl and fomt#i am debating getting back to poot but ive enjoyed my nostalgia since i had this on gc ya know?#just? its a nice blast from the past
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Quite inquisitive...
#seal#harbor seal#boras posts#pinnipeds#marine life#the silliest little guy everrr#wish i had a better update on him past he chews on fish like some loud sloppy beast#and often chooses to roll onto his side or back to slide back into the water during trainings. rather than staying on his belly
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Hi, it's the crunchy fishstick once more!
Omg I saw your comics about the visa struggles... T-T I HOPE YOU'RE FEELING OKAY that must be really upsetting to deal with...it's not much because I'm not good with pep talks and I don't have any experiences with visas, but I give you this duck of luck *gives duck* and I hope everything still turns out okay.... :pensive:
I've decided that I am indeed arospec even if I do sort of get dysphoria about it sometimes...and that I might be allo and just dislike allonormativity (like how a lot of American pop I hear have lyrics about sex...I've always disliked that....or how many ways there are to say "let's have sex" without actually saying it....the euphemisms kind of annoy me sometimes....) welp, it's always good to be able to put words to things, right? Usually? Though I also know it's fine to take my time....I keep overthinking where I fit within all the queer words :') oh well, life hits like that sometimes
Anyways, here's an extra big hug and I really really hope you guys will be okay in the end... -- the crunchy fishstick
Hey! Apologies for answering both of these messages at once... I wanted to thank you both for the kind words and let you know that thankfully it seem things are a bit better. Well, it's still very much up in the air whether we can get married or not, and the whole process is very stressful, but the biggest thing that has been stressing me out lately doesn't look like it's going to be a dealbreaker after all, so that is a huge relief. We're proceeding as planned, and we'll do our best to make it happen.
As for what you said after, crunchy fishstick – it IS absolutely OK to take your time! Heck, you can take forever if you need to! What's important is that it helps you feel comfortable with whoever you are as a person, however you define it. (That said... I totally relate with the songs. And pretty much everything else in culture really. It's so hard to avoid I'm numb, but I do kinda get some kinda mild cognitive nausea sometimes, whatever that might mean TwT)
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bad news is that im stuck in another one of my random periods of insomnia but GOOD NEWS is that the recent update dragged me by the throat back into being a lesbian in stardew valley so i have something to occupy all my awake time at the very least
#stardew valley#new update FUN#WINTER OUTFITS#being a lesbian except for in my first save#because i just assumed that it Wasn’t Allowed™️#so shout out to my straight farmer on my original save that also has the most progress🙃 may she live a beautiful heterosexual life#and shout out to my three other saves where i get to be Gay™️ i love you#and finally shout out to sdv fishing cause its FUN#i really would just prefer to sleep though pls
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I will be looking at some fishies tomorrow O_O
#dude is giving up his hobby#which means the whole tank with the fish in it is about 200€ cheaper than what it would have cost originally#I am insane for this but#I TOLD him I am just coming over to LOOK (terrified he might sell them to someone else first)#like I'm mayyyyyyyyybe buying it if I end up confident enough#halp#wherethekiteflies#getting irl hobbies is great; getting too many costly time-consuming hobbies when you don't know how to afford rent next month is deranged#yeah hi it's me#update on reddie's life#I'm single what else am I going to do while I'm waiting to hear back from employers seriously
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here’s my entry for day 5 of @gem-pearl-week 2024! today’s prompt is “death/reincarnation”
The only time Gem sees Pearl cry during Real Life is when she loses her dog.
Pearl’s canine army no longer represents her only solace from isolation, but she still loves them like family. Matchbox and Mailbox have formed their own tiny pack with Tilly back on Hermitcraft, and Pearl was so excited to introduce Milly to them. She was such a sweet puppy. Before, the game felt fun for once – far more hopeful than the others, in any case – and Pearl is stunned by how quickly her emotions change. She falls to the ground and sobs, half-laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. “Milly’s dead…”
Gem sees Pearl and lays down beside her. She plays with Pearl’s hair, trying to distract her. Real Life has been kind to its players so far, and a piece of her wonders if it would really change so quickly. Grian wouldn’t do that, would he? “Shh,” Gem whispers. “In the next life, there’s gonna be another dog.”
“Really?” Pearl whispers back.
“Of course.” Gem thinks of Tilly, cowering in the corner of Pearl’s house the first time Gem saw her. Her fur was singed, and she had an injured paw and a scar over her eye that still hasn't quite faded. She was alive, though. Pearl’s lost wolves have survived these games before. “There’s gonna be another dog.”
Two days pass after the group’s return from Real Life, and Milly still doesn’t appear. Pearl is grateful that she at least didn’t have time to get too attached. She doesn’t tell the pack about Milly, but she can tell Tilly knows something is wrong. Tilly curls up against Pearl and whines, then walks around in circles, confused. “You’re a perceptive pupper, Tilly.” Pearl pets Tilly on the head, and Tilly hesitantly flops over for belly rubs. “What’s goin’ on, honey?” Pearl asks.
Tilly has no response.
Pearl sighs as Matchbox and Mailbox join the cuddle pile. “I’m just glad I’ve got you guys.”
————
In just about all forms, Grian doesn’t quite stick the landing.
Everyone returns to Hermitcraft in one piece, but they all respawn in the wrong bases. Cleo lands right in the middle of spawn, Tango somehow wakes up in the med bay, and both Gem and Pearl end up in Pearl’s base. (All the Hermits find that one especially cute.)
Gem doesn’t pay it much mind until a few days after Real Life ends. It’s night, but she’s had one too many cups of tea from Cleo’s cat cafe, and it’s given her too much energy to settle down. She paces around her new base a few times, plotting out build ideas. The power lines could use some work. Maybe I could get one of the redstoners to check them out. And that area over there would be perfect for–
A soft, tiny bark distracts Gem from her thoughts.
“What the heck?” she murmurs aloud. “Okay, who got out now?”
She looks around the chunk she’s in, but there’s no sign of any wolves, let alone a familiar one. “Hello? Anybody around? Or anydog, I guess?”
There’s another soft bark, but no further clues. Gem can’t even place the sound. “Can I get a hint?”
No response. Gem sighs, then realizes she might have a way of figuring it out. Pearl’s wolf pack seems to accept Gem as their second human. She could go over to Pearl’s base, but it’s outside the mountain, and Gem has the sinking sense that whoever she’s hearing won’t last that long. She’s never tried calling Pearl’s wolves before, but it couldn’t hurt.
Gem takes a deep breath and calls, “Mailbox! Come here, Mailbox!”
There’s a brief pause, and then a soft thud as a wolf with a yellow collar appears on the grass in front of her. He immediately runs over, nuzzles against Gem, and rolls over for belly rubs. Gem happily obliges. She barely has time to grin at the realization that Pearl’s dogs consider her a part of the family before another soft bark echoes across the base.
Mailbox immediately sits upright. His ears prick up. Gem breathes a sigh of relief. “Can you go find it, buddy?”
Mailbox takes off running across Gem’s base at full speed. Gem follows.
On the other side of Gem’s base, there’s a pile of barrels leaning against a wall. One of them is tipped over with its open end facing the wall. It was once full of fish, but Gem remembers there’s only a few left in it – the darn foxes keep eating them. Mailbox sniffs the barrel, then paws at it and barks.
Gem sighs in exasperation. “Mailbox, you can’t have any fish. I’m trying to find the other wolf.”
Mailbox barks louder.
“Alright, fine.” Gem rolls the barrel towards her and peers inside.
A tiny wolf with a fish in its mouth peers back at her.
Gem gasps. “Oh my gosh, hello! What are you doing here? Did you tip over the barrel?”
She spots a collar on the wolf. As Mailbox barks louder, Gem dares to hope. “Let me see…”
She reaches into the barrel and stretches out a hand towards the wolf. It wobbles towards her and sniffs her hand curiously. Gem reads its collar. “Milly. If found, please return to PearlescentMoon.”
Gem is surprised by the tears that spark in her eyes. “You’re alive!” She looks further into the barrel and laughs. “You’re alive, and you ate all my fish. That explains why you don’t seem all that hungry. Come on, let’s take you back to–”
Mailbox nudges Milly’s side, and Gem notices why Milly wasn’t able to escape the barrel on her own. One of her hind paws is gone, leaving only a furry stump behind, and she can hardly walk on the other one. “Oh,” Gem whispers. “You got a little hurt on the way back, didn’t you?”
Milly barks softly. Gem scoops her up and cuddles her close. “I’m gonna take you back to your human now. She’ll be very happy to meet you.”
Mailbox, proud of his discovery, trots all the way back to Pearl’s base with his head held high. Gem follows with a bright grin on her face. Pearl’s wolf pack is back together at last.
————
Pearl wakes up to a large dog licking her face.
As her eyes adjust to the waking world, she sees the trademark scar identifying the wolf as Tilly. After a moment, she also sees the moon in the sky. “Tilly, it is not morning. Why are you waking me up?”
She glances over to the corner where her dogs were once asleep. Matchbox is still sleeping soundly, but Mailbox is completely gone. Pearl blinks in confusion. “Mailbox? C’mere, boy.”
Mailbox appears in front of her. Moments later, there’s a knock on the door. “Special delivery for the postmaster herself,” Gem’s voice calls from outside.
“You could’ve used the mail system,” Pearl says playfully as she walks over to answer the door.
“Believe me, this needs to be in person.” Gem smiles as Pearl opens the door. “I found your dog.”
Pearl doesn’t notice at first. “Oh, is that where Mailbox went? Thanks for taking care of him…”
Her voice trails off at the sight of the little wolf in Gem’s arms. “You– what… Gem, who’s this?” Pearl reads the wolf’s collar.
She bursts into tears.
Gem hands the wolf to Pearl, then wraps an arm around her shoulders. “No, don’t cry! She’s here! She’s back to us!”
“Happy tears,” Pearl murmurs, cuddling Milly in her arms. “Very happy tears.”
“I’m so glad.” Gem pets Milly on the forehead. “She didn’t make it all the way back in one piece, though. I don’t know if you spotted it, but–”
“Her back left paw is gone. Yeah, I had a feeling.” Pearl giggles as Milly licks her hand. “Do you think we can get a Hermit to make her a little wheelchair?”
“Oh, that would be so cute. Little wheels instead of paws?”
“Exactly.” Pearl sets Milly down on her bed, then wraps her arms around Gem and kisses her on the forehead. “I don’t know how you found her, but I can’t thank you enough. I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Gem murmurs, hugging Pearl even tighter. “I’m just glad I tracked her down tonight. She’s finally back home.”
Matchbox finally takes note of the new dog and curls up against her. Mailbox curls up on her other side. Tilly sniffs her, then licks her head and joins the cuddle pile. On the other side of the room, Gem yawns. “Your dogs have the right idea. I should head back.”
“You could stay for the night,” Pearl says with a smile. “I mean, the dogs do seem to love having you around.”
Gem beams. “I can’t disappoint them, now, can I?”
Gem and Pearl lie down in Pearl’s bed together. Pearl blinks back another wave of tears, then cuddles against Gem and kisses her on the forehead one more time. “Thank you for everything.”
“You deserve it all,” Gem murmurs back. “Good night, Pearl.”
“G’night, Gem,” Pearl whispers.
As the moon shines overhead, Gem and Pearl – and their wolf pack – fall asleep together in the warmth of Pearl’s base.
#hermitshipping#gempearl#gempearlweek2024#adding ‘can dogs eat fish’ to the list of Random Shit I’ve Googled While Writing#anyway this one made me feel very happy to write#i cannot wait for the wolf update to get added to hermitcraft/the life series so pearl’s wolf pack can get even more fun creatures#they are the greatest
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personal update
I am just very busy. So far okay, but busy.
Also I bought a fish on a whim and without consulting anyone so I am now hiding an entire fish tank with the filter, heater and fish in it from everyone else in my house. I will update if anything dramatic comes out of the fact I, an adult with my own money have bought a fish and am hiding it from my family.
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Me: "This person stuffed spinach and artichoke dip in their zucchini."
My dad: "Artichoke? Isn't that the little fish?"
My mom: "No..."
Me: "Anchovy is the little fish..."
My dad: "Oh. Artichoke is a vegetable?"
Me: "Yeah."
#i couldn't fucking breathe from laughing. it caught me so off guard when he asked if it was the fish.#i quickly figured out he was thinking of anchovies dear god#we're cooking stuffed zucchini tonight and i was scrolling through ideas#vee's random thoughts go brr#vee's dumbass jokes#vee's thinking too much#vee's not important life updates
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( the kids are having a play date )
Delling: You promised to marry this clown?
Miorine: She's not a clown, she's the ring master.
Yushura: Yea, I'm like. The Clown Boss!
Delling:
#g-witch#he's having an aneurysm#Yushura Mirzakhani#Miorine Rembran#Delling Rembran#i havent said it on this blog yet so here goes:#yushura tuning into asticassia's duel livestream w a vpn or whatever to stay updated on mio's life predicament (&bc the contender is a girl#and she sees#MIORINE FIGHTING??? <- heart attack no.1#what kind of mobile su- ISNT THIS SCENE TOO ROMANTIC!??? <- heart attack no.2#THE MILITARY!!!!!!!! <- heart attack no.3#ring ring direct line to delling#Hello Mr Delling CEO Sir. I Have Been Applying My Family's (circus funsies) Tech To Military Purposes With Great Success#You Will Be Pleased To Know We Even Have Mobile Suits In The Works They Are Extremely Viable And Nearing Completion#Please Do Kindly Reconsider Having Me As Your In Law#im imagining he does warm up to the idea.. hence asking her to leave school for other arrangements....#but things go prospera's way so#yushura...............#yushura going against her ethics (maybe) by pushing her company into the war industry to fish out her beloved from an arranged marriage#but mio's somehow almost overnight found someone else to lean on and fight with. ow.#ow!!!!!!!!!#im having it bad for a novel-only character. so bad.#mio's messages shifting from escape plans to complaints about suletta (or maybe going totally quiet. which may be worse.) and the COMPANY#mio starting a whole ass company of her own to save that redhead and her illegal sister aaaaaaaaaaaa yushura aaaaaaa
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my niece wasn’t feeling good today so I picked her up and held her until she fell asleep and everything was all cute and sweet right………………why did she shit in my bed 🧍🏽♀️
#I am. so mad.#IT WAS TERRIBLE#at first it was all cute bc she kept snoring and making little noises#then after a while I was like 🤨 sum ain’t smelling right 🤨#why does she hate me#how do I tag this lmfao#tw: poop#why did that make me laugh QKSJDKDJDJD#anyway sorry I’ve been so mia lately#I’ve been feeling so disconnected being on here for some reason#like I just don’t belong idk#I post and get happy for like five mins then just feel weird again#I think cause I’m finally on break I’ve just been in a weird space with everything#I’ve just been watching tv and movies and literally that’s it lol it sucks but it’s sooo hard#trying to get out of this headspace#I wanna write and read and crotchet and go on walks and write and write and write#but instead I’m laying in bed like a blob fish#it sucks butt#sorry I’m rambling in the tags sjdhdjd I just realized#that I haven’t given an update about my life in a while bc I convinced myself nobody cared#I think it’s just hormones#just give me until like Tuesday lmfao#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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Has anyone been getting bombarded with this Tumblr message about badges or stickers or smth? I’ve gotten it like 5 times today at least.
Is it just a mobile thing? I post & do most everything from mobile because it’s handier.
#coconut octo (mod talking)#every other time i open this app its like ‘HEY wanna buy stuff :D?’#like NO I need my money for a Mitsuri cosplay#first year I can celebrate Halloween ever & im Dressing Up#Barnacles. Fish Paste. *dolphin sounds* every SpongeBob swear imaginable#I think they’re onto me bc I just got it Again after posting this#life 🐙 update ig
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guys i’m alive
#i lived#it’s so weird i remember always being on here n now no one’s here#anyway life update#i GRADUATE SOOOON#bitch i graduated csll me big fish#also im 18 so i can read smut legally i love my life#what else#idk i’ve been very sick lately#that’s it#also omg i’ve been an academic weapon this year i got honors all 4 quarters#i have a 100 in two of my classes like what can i say
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trying to set my fish and my dad's fish up with eachother in an attempt to make more cute fish
#his fish is called hannibal bc he eats everything ever#mine is called queen of hearts bc nothing i feed her is good enough#she'll only eat life food#study talk#i will update u if i am successful
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