#life through death

[hinamie]

unconditionally

[thirdtimed]

id like to think that the reason why the lifers are stuck in an endless reincarnation loop isnt out of some twisted malintent of the watchers or some mechanism of fate its just bc the winners keep making the exact same wish every single time

[manicscreeching]

Make of me a garden

I stagger along blindly, arms held ahead as a futile shield against the biting wind and blinding snow. The winter is harsh and long, and there is no salvation to be found amongst the frigid dunes and pallid streets. Around me stretches a city, once proud, now humbled by the fury of nature and folly of man. A ruin wrought by hubris and willing ignorance. There are still remnants, those unlucky few who, like me, scurry through wrecked streets scavenging for scraps, fighting through the rubble as our forefathers did, and so too theirs; tattered banners held aloft as if they still hold meaning, bitter men acting out of stubborn spite to make sure that if they cannot win, then nor shall anyone else. It doesn't matter now. Winter is here, and its armies cannot be defeated. We shall die to lances of ice and blades of hunger. I stumble and fall, my legs finally failing, collapsing under me, leaving me curled up in the snow. I try to move, to rally some last gasp of defiance. Some will to live despite the odds. Nothing comes. I will die here, I realise, dimly. I should probably feel upset. Perhaps resigned. Angry, even. Instead I just feel numb. And cold. Above me the wind howls its ferocious battlecries as it scours the streets of life. I move, pulling myself to a wall, propping myself up against it, until my arms too fail, leaving me stranded. A puppet with strings cut. It occurs that I don't feel cold anymore. Hope blossoms faintly, far off and growing farther. Maybe I'll live. I'm warming up, not even shivering. I just need to stand up and get moving again. I try but somehow my body doesn't respond. I'm even warmer now. Hot even. Too hot. It's like I'm on fire. And then that too fades.

My breathing is the first thing to go. Lungs frozen. Then my heart stops, starved to death. My consciousness fades, my last thoughts a confused mess of memory and delirium.

I die.

The sun sets, rises, sets again. The storm passes. The sun rises in a clear sky. A raven comes to land upon my knee, head cocked as it examines my frozen carcass. Curiously it hops forward, head twisted to the side, black eye meeting my blank gaze. It turns to me again and pecks my cheek, quickly drawing back as if expecting me to wake. I do not. Apparently satisfied, it hops closer again, still cautious. Its head draws back and then its beak plunges into my eyeball, gripping hard as it pulls. Once, twice, thrice, and the eye tears free in a sudden jolt of movement. It stumbles slightly before regaining its footing. Bending its head backwards, the raven gulps the eye down greedily, blood shining against its matte beak. It swallows, hops onto my shoulder, and then takes my other eye, cawing happily after it swallows it down. Apparently sated, the raven takes flight. Night falls, and with it more snow. I am covered, naught but another corpse in this sepulchral ruin. Time moves on. The snow thaws, falls, thaws once more. Night and day have no meaning anymore. The raven returns. It takes my tongue, happily tearing away until it is fulfilled, then flapping up to the building above me to croon away the hours. Time passes. The snow falls less often. It rains. I thaw and begin to rot. The raven enjoys my frostbitten fingers when they grow soft enough to eat. A dog is drawn by the stench of decay. It tears into my midriff, revealing the sumptuous guts within. The dog and the raven eat together: I am plentiful, so there is no need for conflict. The dog sleeps beside me, the raven perched above. Days pass. A frost comes, unusually late. The raven shelters within my carcass, protected from the cold. The dog has lived through worse. The cold passes. Time moves on. The dog leaves, my body now stripped almost bare. The raven remains, pecking at the flesh which still clings to my bones. There is a crack in the tarmac in front of me, from which a small green shoot emerges. The shoot grows. The raven makes a nest in my ribcage. Time passes. Another raven arrives. A mouse chews its way into my skull. The ravens hatch chicks. The mouse builds a nest. The shoot grows. Time passes. The ravens leave the nest. Winter comes. Winter goes. The mouse finds a mate. The ravens have more chicks. The shoot grows into a sapling. The dog returns. The mice leave. The dog has pups. The sapling grows, cracking the tarmac. The pups leave. The dog dies. The ravens eat the dog. The sapling becomes a tree. Leaves fall and rot and become dirt. The dirt grows grass. The grass dies and becomes dirt. I am smothered, my bones scattered and buried. Flowers grow atop me, their roots wrapping about my bones as once I trailed my fingers through their heads. Ivy wreaths the wall above me, grass carpeting what once was road. A tall tree stretches over me: its branches spread wide, its verdant leaves casting a patchwork quilt of dappled shadow, spots of golden sunlight warming my yellowed bones. A raven perches atop my skull, pecking at it fondly, its feathers gleam under the warm sun, ruffled slightly by a balmy summer's breeze as the leaves above susurrate and rustle. I feel the loam around me, so full of life. I hear the grass growing, the insects working tirelessly, a happy caw from the tree branches. I see a black silhouette circling lazily on high.

I am a garden.

I grow.

I rest.

[dollsdesires]

𝖇𝖑𝖊𝖌𝖍

[canisalbus]

Can I ask how Vasco reacted to hearing about Machete’s assassination? :o did he put on a brave face? Was he inconsolable? Does he imagine that if he were there, he could’ve done something (even if that isn’t true? I imagine it would be tortuous mentally and emotionally for him, poor lad

He most likely went through a mental breakdown, followed by years of paralyzing grief and depression. Vasco had proven to be outstandingly resilient and optimistic in adversity, putting on a brave face was his second nature. But this was his final 'break the unbreakable' moment. He turned withdrawn and apathetic. He had never lost anyone this abruptly before, and he became visibly paranoid about the safety and health of his family while failing to look after his own wellbeing.

Of course he kept rewinding the events in his head and second-guessing himself about whether he could've prevented this outcome somehow, even when everyone who knew about his situation kept telling him there was no reason for him to blame himself for it. He struggled with the suddenness of it, and the lack of closure, and couldn't get over thinking how the love of his life had died alone, surprised, scared and in pain, and that there was absolutely nothing he could do to remedy that. Ludovica's support was invaluable to him. Since he couldn't mourn openly she was one of the few people who were there for him.

Eventually he came to terms with what had happened and learned to live with it, and even though he slowly regained his good-humoured personality, he never fully recovered back to his previous self.

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

[outer-stars]

"hey, it's that waybright kid"

[obiiow]

I know the whole thing with eren growing his hair out was because he just didn’t care anymore but I like to think it’s because his mom always told him his ears turn red when he lies and he was about to spend the rest of his life lying to everyone he loved 🥹

[chaiaurchaandni]

4 year old Ahmad Shabat - an israeli airstrike hit him, his parents & 4 siblings; he survived, they didn't - then they hit him & his father's relatives; he survived, they didn't - then they hit him & his uncle; he survived, his uncle didn't - both of Ahmed's legs have been amputated because of injuries. He survives.

i hope Ahmad gets to live. i hope he has a beautiful and fulfilling life. i hope he finds love and safety and comfort and success. i hope he finds happiness. i hope he heals. i hope he continues to survive. in spite of the violence, in spite of the trauma, in spite of the horror. in spite of the world.

[remembertheplunge]

My name is Lew Wentz.

I am a 69 year old gay criminal defense lawyer. I have been keeping journals for 47 years as of September 14, 2024.. I am writing a book based on the journals.

I came out as a gay man in 1984. I was married to a woman then. I left the marriage after telling her I was gay.

My younger sister, Zoe, who I was very close to, died rather suddenly of pancreatic cancer in May of 2023. She gave me permission to blog the last two weeks of her life. Those blogs run from May 1 to May 14, 2023.

I journaled my journey through the turbulent 1980's and 1990's. During that time, I was pretty vocal about being gay. I volunteered to help people with aids through their illness and death. And, I believe because of this, I was fired from my job as a deputy Public Defender in Modesto California. I also documented the 12 year relationship I had with my partner, Jim, who died in 2009.

I wrote pretty much daily about these events and many others. I never intended for the entries to be made public. But, I now think they should be, as they weave what I believe to be our common story of what it's been like to be out, human and gay in the past four decades.

And, as I journaled, I developed ideas and ways to journal and wrote about them in the journals. I discuss the impact journaling has had on me. And, the amazing revelation reviewing journal entries for the blog and book of just how incredible our lives have been. Memory fades. The journal details do not.

My hope is that , after reading the blogs, and maybe some day the book, you too will become addicted to journaling. Your life on paper will amaze you down the line.

My blog became one and one half years old on August 5, 2024.

[greenlaut]

son of adam

[birdsong-warriors]

Spoilery request here, but good gracious, I hope I made the foreshadowing in these pages clear enough, given I've been building up to it for ages now.

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Part 1: Friend and Family

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[trappedinafantasy37]

There are multiple gods in the game that you can directly interact with and they all have ties to the narrative. You can interact with Shar via Shadowheart. You can interact with Mystra via Gale. You can interact with Myrkul via Ketheric when he takes on the avatar form. You can interact with Bhaal via Durge and in the fight with Orin. You can interact with Bane after killing Gortash and using "Speak with Dead" in which the soul you speak to is not Gortash, but Bane himself. I would include Vlaakith in this list but Vlaakith is not a god, she is a lich presenting herself as a god. And, of course, there is the Absolute which doesn't really become a god until it ascends into the Netherbrain (although that is debatable).

But, did you know that Lolth will also interact with you? As far as I am aware, Lolth is the only non-story related god in which you do have interactions with. One of them is only available if you are a Lolth-sworn drow, and the other is only available if you are a Cleric of Lolth (you do not need to be Lolth-sworn for it).

The first instance is in the goblin camp with the spiders in the pit. This does require that you are a Lolth-sworn drow and that you have the ability to speak with animals. When talking to the spiders, you will have the option to present yourself to the spiders as Lolth herself. If you fail the persuasion check, Lolth gets pissed off as she was listening to you and is not happy that you tried to present yourself as her. And she tells the spiders you are an imposter and they attack you. But if you succeed the check, Lolth doesn't do anything and the spiders will think you are Lolth. So, Lolth doesn't really have a problem with you pretending to be her. But if you are going to pretend to be her, you better do it right. If the spiders think you are Lolth, you can ask them about what's going on in the goblin camp and the spiders only talk about one thing. They immediately tell you that there is another drow in the camp who has forgotten her way and that she is forsaken. And, as I said, Lolth is here. She heard the spiders admit this. Lolth does nothing about it.

The second instance is in the Underdark with the Phalar Aluve. When you interact with the sword, you have two different checks, a Strength check and a Religion check. If you do the Strength check, you can just pull it out of the stone and be on your merry way. If you perform the Religion check, the narrator will tell you different things depending on certain conditions. If you are a Lolth-sworn drow and/or a Cleric of Lolth, the narrator will tell you that the religious rite to pull the blade from the stone is blasphemous as it pays honor to the weak. If you are of any other race and/or cleric of any other god, the narrator will tell you that the sword is of Eilistraee and the rite pays honor to the fallen. The religious rite is that you spill a little bit of your blood and the sword will rise out of the stone on its own. If you do this as a Cleric of Lolth (you don't need to be Lolth-sworn) you will feel hundreds of spiders crawl all over you as Lolth is warning you not to do shit like that ever again. Not only did you perform the religious rite of another god, you performed the religious rite of a god she hates. And she is letting you know how much she hated that.

These are the only two instances in the game that I have found in which Lolth interacts with the player but there are plenty of other moments in which Lolth could interact with you, but doesn't (such as with the Phase Spider, the baby spiders in Grymforge, Kar'niss, or the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar). Of these two moments where Lolth does interact with you, one of these instances is in the goblin camp, and the other is in the Underdark not too far away from the goblin camp. I don't think it is much of a coincidence that these two interactions occur in close proximity to Minthara. Almost as if Lolth has a reason to be in that area specifically to watch and monitor things, and you just so happened to be there. And the only things that compel her to interact with you is because you pissed her off. But, as long you don't piss her off, she will do nothing and she will say nothing.

When Minthara was being tortured by the Absolute, she prayed to Lolth and begged Lolth to give her the strength to fight her enemies. But Lolth does nothing and Lolth says nothing. In fact, that was the full extent of Lolth's "punishment" for Minthara, nothing. All Lolth did was not answer Minthara's prayers and not show up when Minthara needed her the most. Lolth did not torture Minthara like the Absolute did, Lolth did not turn her into a drider, nor did Lolth eat her. All she did, was nothing. And yes, Lolth is known for abandoning drow and no longer interacting with them. A drow has to do something incredibly awful in order for Lolth to just back away from them entirely. But you cannot convince me that Lolth is going to let one of her Baenre's go so easily. It's not as if Minthara has done anything truly awful either to make Lolth that mad.

According to Minthara, she herself has sinned against the Spider Queen, but it's not as if she chose to abandon Lolth, she was forced away and mind controlled into being devoted to another god. But would this make a difference to Lolth? Does it really matter if Minthara was compelled to have faith in another god besides Lolth? It isn't until Minthara is freed and feels the absence of Lolth that she chooses to no longer follow Lolth. Minthara even mentions how turning against Lolth is a big no-no in Menzoberranzan. Minthara herself at one point has hunted down and killed those who turn their backs from Lolth so she knows the same will be done to her if she were to ever return home. In fact, if you are a Lolth-sworn drow or a Cleric of Lolth, you are given unique dialogue options with Minthara to kill her because she is a traitor to Lolth and these options continue to show up until you recruit her into your party and she joins your roster. Despite all of this, Lolth does nothing. Minthara spews anti-Lolth rhetoric left and right, and Lolth does nothing. If you take Minthara to the tabernacle, she will spit on a shrine to Lolth, and Lolth does nothing.

Minthara is also able to walk through the Gauntlet of Shar, which is in the Underdark, and Lolth does nothing. Sure, you could argue that its connection to the Shadowfell and the fact that Shar is there via Shadowheart is enough to keep Lolth away. The lore of DnD does not make it quite clear what the relationship between these two goddesses are. But I am willing to bet that Lolth is smart enough not to step on Shar's toes because Shar would annihilate her. However, there is a small little section of the Gauntlet where it actually does spit you out directly into the Underdark and into Lolth's territory. Minthara can walk right out there just fine, and Lolth does nothing.

But most importantly, Minthara's default ending is her returning to the Underdark with the sole purpose of destroying House Baenre and then killing Lolth. Destroying House Baenre could lead to a chaotic and political disaster in Menzoberranzan, and Lolth does nothing. Minthara quite literally wants to kill Lolth and has intentions to do so after taking House Baenre, and Lolth. Does. Nothing!

If Minthara goes into the Underdark and destroys House Baenre, this will cause chaos and death. And the Baenre's won't be the only ones she has to destroy, but any and all allies of House Baenre in which they do have a lot. And Lolth will feed off of all the death and carnage and chaos that Minthara is about to bring to Menzoberranzan because Lolth loves chaos more than she hates traitors.

Maybe, Lolth has not abandoned her as Minthara thinks she has. Maybe, Lolth has done nothing and said nothing because Minthara has not actually upset her. Maybe, Lolth has done nothing and said nothing because Minthara is already doing everything Lolth wants her to do. And all it took, was making Minthara think that Lolth abandoned her. There was no need for Lolth to answer Minthara's prayers, because Minthara always had the strength to fight her enemies.

[dykealloy]

face of a man that narrowly escaped throwing hands with his ex's increasingly terrifying son

[saltedbutter0]

“i let you kill octavian” brother you said you wanted to snipe him