#life is really complicated sometimes?

[greghatecrimes]

I have... many feelings. And I'm not sure what to do with that other that sit and listen to them

[milolunde]

Remember that time they confirmed Sonic has emotions and experiences burnout ?

I do. I remember

[inkskinned]

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

[dayurno]

so sick and tired of people writing fics about jeremy treating kevin like shit over kevin leaving jean at the nest like that is either 1) in character 2) something jean would appreciate or 3) fair. do you even bother to read the books you’re writing fanfic about or is the urge to create cheap angst so overwhelming you can’t see past the tropes you write for every other fictional pairing you like? the idea that jean would appreciate jeremy going out of his way to poke old wounds in his and kevin’s relationship when jean himself does not even like for jeremy to joke about kevin near him is absurd, and that’s without mentioning the fact that jeremy is not so clueless as to think he has any idea of what the nest was like, or why kevin felt he had to leave the way he did. if you need something to make your ship more interesting thinking beyond your flat interpretation of it is a lovely start, but don’t use kevin’s name and storyline if you’re just going to butcher it for the sake of a milquetoast sob fest the characters involved in would not even appreciate

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[booplesnotts-art]

Hecate !!

Finally got around to doodling her like I promised I would🖤

[wis-art]

Women, so pretty, so shaped, i am so lesbian,,,

[tyrianludaship]

is it fair to call people like this "hack writers" if the only way they find a relationship interesting is when it involves pedophilia, incest, cannibalism or necrophilia?

[nellasbookplanet]

Okay I've talked about the tragedy of Laudna now let's talk about the tragedy of Imogen.

It’s been a while, but her moment in the Feywild truth exercise where she says "I think I’m tainted. I don’t know if I want to save gods that don’t love me" has really stuck in my mind. The thing is, I don’t think she’s specifically talking about the gods here, but rather summing up and projecting her entire experience as a ruidusborn. She isn’t thinking "Why aren’t I the gods' special little princess? Why haven’t they come to save me specifically?? You better love me or I'll let you die" (which we have seen does seem to be a common attitude in the Vanguard) This is her fear of being against her own will tainted by something evil. Her fear that, despite knowing how wrong it is, part of her longs for the power and belonging that comes with giving in to Predathos. It’s knowing that this thing is the antithesis of the gods, and that no matter what she does and how much she opposes it, it is still part of her. And because of that, the world doesn’t love her. Her mother left, her father can barely look at her, her own body will betray her with feelings and powers she doesn't understand, her community ostracized her, her allies view her with suspicion, the gods will not lend a hand in their own rescue when she asks despite Imogen putting herself and her loved ones in danger for their sake.

And Imogen is tired. Tired of being the bigger person, tired of resisting. Logically she knows the gods don’t hate her specifically but it ads up, and as the lure of Predathos does promise love and belonging part of her wants to give in because why should she risk so much to save a world that has never once tried to save her.

And that’s where she, as well as Laudna, get so interesting. They have deeply sympathetic reasons for their doubts and flaws, as well as for why they value each other so much higher than the entirety of Exandria (tl;dr because they have only ever gotten genuine understanding and unconditional love from each other). But that doesn’t mean it isn't flaws. It doesn’t mean Imogen, if she hadn’t met Laudna and the Hells first and realized the harm the Vanguard is causing and that their promises are ultimately lies, couldn’t have been drawn in by the Vanguard's ideas. It doesn’t mean they aren't wrong in blaming gods for bad things in their own lives, or in demanding special treatment. But it’s deeply understandable, which is the very reason they and people like them're such excellent targets for the Vanguard to convert. And once in the Vanguard, it doesn’t matter how tragic and sympathetic you are, you are still doing evil.

[anthromimicry]

jandy nelson, i'll give you the sun | jean anouilh tr, by lewis galantière | @soulinkpoetry | trista mateer, the dogs i have kissed | the bible

[side-b-bumblebi]

Men who view women as their intellectual equals 😍

[strixhaven]

“that’s a normal human behavior/thought that basically everyone has” not in a “you’re mentally normal and dont have any problems and are lying about whatever’s going on with you” way but instead in a “the degree to which you’re pathologizing human behavior and ascribing it to xyz disorder/syndrome is making you feel disconnected from other people and ignores the messy reality of mental well-being and how human beings function. viewing the world with such a clinical lens is ultimately detrimental to your health and also gives far too much credence and authority to psychology and mental health professionals and fails to understand how our entire idea of mental health is steeped in very human biases and is ultimately something that is subject to change and constant interpretation and reinterpretation”

[silverwhittlingknife]

Has Tim ever put Dick on a pedestal?

100% yes! This is basically Tim's backstory IMO. Prior to meeting Dick in Lonely Place of Dying, Tim's a kid who's got a distant, idealized, made-for-TV vision of Dick and Bruce - mostly Dick - and he sets out on a quest based entirely around that misperception.

Aaaand then he immediately crashes headfirst into reality, because the Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne he remembers from his childhood memories and daydreams are like this:

But it turns out that the actual real-life human people are a bit more, uh, cranky than Tim's glossy vision - things are tense and neither of them are super-happy to meet Tim:

And Tim has to rethink a bunch of his mistaken deductions as it slowly dawns on him that - far from being a plucky team - Dick and Bruce are actually not getting along at all:

And so Tim has to realize his whole plan of "Dick has to be Robin again!!! That will fix everything!!! :)))))" was actually wrong, and based on a misunderstanding of Bruce and Dick's relationship. And having realized he was wrong, he immediately sets about trying to figure out what he’s failed to understand in the most intrusive way possible—by asking lots of nosy questions!

Actually-meeting-Dick is basically the end of Tim’s super-idealized vision of Dick. It's not a vision that can survive contact with an actual human being who's snapping at you. And kid!Tim is (I love him but) extremely pushy and annoying, and Dick's a prickly young adult who is not above getting annoyed, which means Dick snaps at him pretty regularly.

But Tim does continue to admire him.

So for their various interactions after Lonely Place of Dying, IMO "does Tim have Dick on a pedestal" is kind of a judgment call based on your assessment of Dick's relative strengths/virtues. What's unambiguous: Tim has a consistently higher opinion of Dick than Dick does of Dick, and they argue about it a lot.

I had way too many thoughts about this, so below the cut:

Comics where Dick and Tim have conversations along the lines of Dick: "I suck and I'm failing at everything." Tim: "That's not true!! Actually you're great and you're succeeding at the thing you think you're failing at!!"

So who's right - Dick or Tim?

Dick and Tim's high opinions/expectations of each other: the plusses and minuses

Comic examples

Here are a couple different variations on Tim thinking that Dick is great (often when Dick's less sure):

in Showcase, Tim thinks that Dick’s a way better teammate than Azrael, even as Dick’s thinking himself as a failure who let the Titans down; 

in Prodigal, Dick tells Tim a story about confronting Two-Face which to Dick symbolizes a moment of great failure and which Tim insists was a no-win situation where Dick did the best he could;

also in Prodigal, Dick’s despairing over how badly he thinks their encounter with Killer Croc went and meanwhile Tim thinks it went fine (after all, Dick listened to him and called an ambulance instead of beating up Croc!), and Tim tells Dick to lighten up and Dick talks about how he’s a failure; 

in Nightwing 6, Dick thinks he’s doing badly in Blüdhaven and he’s self-conscious about it and paranoid about what Tim might tell Bruce, and Tim insists that the fact that Dick’s being targeted means he’s succeeding and getting close instead of failing, and Dick retorts that this won’t be comforting if he winds up dead because getting close just isn’t good enough; 

also in Nightwing 6, Tim thinks Dick was a better Robin than Tim is, and Dick thinks he wasn’t that great and that Tim’s better;

post-Last Laugh, Tim’s insistent that Dick's being too hard on himself about attacking the Joker whereas Dick's really haunted by the experience and confides that it feels like he's discovered a terrible dark side of himself;

way later in Nightwing 110, Tim’s seeking Dick out and Dick’s trying to avoid him because he thinks he’s a bad person who’d be bad for Tim;

in BW: Murderer, Tim doesn’t trust Bruce absolutely, but in Red Robin, he does trust Dick absolutely (or at least, more than Tim trusts himself);

etc. etc. etc.

Who's right: Dick or Tim?

So, is Tim being too easy on Dick and looking at him with rose-colored glasses, and Dick’s harsher view of himself is the correct one; or is Dick a perfectionist who’s being too hard on himself, and Tim’s the one who’s actually seeing Dick’s strengths more clearly?  

I don’t think the comics really commit one way or another! These are moments of multiple-perspectives, where we notice that Tim has one attitude and Dick has another attitude and that tells us things about the characters, not moments that are meant to resolve to a simplistic “one person is Right and one person is Wrong.”  I think often you could argue that they're both right? So, like, if you wanted to take the approach of, "Tim's idolizing him but he's not actually as great as Tim thinks," I don't think the comics precisely contradict that interpretation.

... THAT SAID, look, I am a Dick Grayson fan at heart, and I tend to lean toward “Dick’s being too hard on himself.” 

Tim’s not oblivious to Dick’s flaws—he immediately figures out, for example, that Dick’s gonna attack the Joker, and rushes off to stop him; he just isn’t as judgmental about this moment as Dick is, and he doesn’t think it makes Dick an awful person forever.  The point is (Tim says later, practical-minded) that it was made right, and Dick shouldn’t beat himself up about it.  In Prodigal, Tim’s not unaware that their fight with Croc went badly; he’s just focused on how Dick’s morals and teamwork-centric attitude feel right to him in a way that Azrael’s didn’t, and look, Tim didn’t get shot even though he got shot at, and isn’t that the important thing?  Tim gets caught in the same ambush that Dick does in Nightwing 6; he just takes the glass-half-full attitude toward it while Dick takes the glass-half-empty attitude.  And so on.

Tim admires Dick, looks up to him, trusts him, interprets his flaws generously, and doesn’t think he’s a failure. And... this isn't quite in the comics, but it doesn't contradict them: I like to imagine Dick feeling like he's on a pedestal, and feeling kinda uncomfortable with Tim's admiration when he's forced to realize it exists, and feeling like he doesn't deserve it, and sometimes subconsciously braced for the other shoe to drop, convinced that Tim can't possibly really think this forever, that he's deluded somehow, and that eventually Tim will realize who Dick really is and get disillusioned and leave.

And I tend to think of Dick having this problem a bit with everyone in his life who thinks highly of him, but especially with Tim, because he doesn't feel like Tim's ever needed him or that he's done anything worth Tim's admiration. I feel like Dick - despite some insecurities - does know his own worth as a team leader, and he knows he was a good partner to Bruce, and he understands when he's helping people who are clearly floundering, like Damian and Rose. But all he's ever done for Tim is...hang out, and be nice. And he doesn't think Tim ever needed fixing or saving, and he vastly underestimates both the value of his own friendship in general and how much it's meant to Tim in particular. Not all the time, because later in their relationship when they've known each other for years I do think Dick does feel a bit more secure in that friendship and entitled to make demands based on it (and vice versa, for Tim). But I do imagine Dick periodically feeling like Tim lets him off the hook too easily, and thinks more highly of him than he should, and alternating between being grateful for it and uncomfortable with it.

But I would argue that Dick does deserve Tim’s admiration! 

Look, Dick's not a perfect person - no one is. He does screw up sometimes, and sometimes he's petty or jealous, and sometimes his temper gets the better of him. But he is pretty great! He's brave and thoughtful and kind and generous and caring. He takes his own grief and his own suffering and devotes himself to helping other people. And Tim sees that. Tim watches an orphaned kid crying on stage, and has nightmares about it - and later recognizes the hero in him. Tim stops Dick from beating the Joker to death, and he holds Dick back from strangling Hugo Strange, and he talks Dick down from two separate panic attacks, and he listens to Dick monologue about his various perceived failures, and he gets yelled at a lot when Dick's annoyed with him, and his takeaway from all of that is that he believes in Dick, and trusts Dick, and thinks he's a hero.

You could see that as Tim having him on a pedestal and refusing to acknowledge the ugly reality. But I tend to see it as Tim understanding that Dick's flaws and occasional missteps don't define who he is - the fact that Dick's human doesn't make him any less of a hero. Tim can see the hero that Dick can't always see in himself.

Dick and Tim have really high opinions of each other... for better or worse

Tim's not alone in having a high opinion of Dick - Dick thinks Tim's pretty great, too! Dick repeatedly compares himself to Tim and finds himself wanting, whether he's thinking that Tim's a better partner for Bruce, or having a fear toxin nightmare where Tim's a rival who's beating him out of a job, or deciding that Tim would never have let Blockbuster die (and that he'll be better off if Dick avoids him), or musing that Tim would be a better Batman. Dick calls Tim his equal and closest ally in Red Robin; Tim thinks Dick is "the best" in his origin story and basically never changes his mind.

I think nowadays we're sometimes pretty highly-attuned to the way that high expectations can be bad or oppressive, and... I have mixed feelings about this? On the one hand, it isn't untrue! Dick and Tim's mutual high opinions of each other, and correspondingly high expectations, are not an unmixed blessing! They 100% cause problems! Dick and Tim think highly of each other, and expect a lot from each other, and sometimes they're pushy or abrupt or demanding when they could stand to be more sensitive. And the iffy side of high expectations is something I find interesting, and I do think it's solidly canon-based - you see aspects of this in several of their comic conflicts - LPoD, Graduation Day, BftC, RR, etc.

But at the same time, it's complicated! I don't think you can fully untangle the higher expectations from "they rely on each other and have a lot of faith in each other." Love and trust are different things, and Dick and Tim care a whole lot about being trusted, not just about being loved.

I also think it's important that their belief in each other is often a gift rather than an inevitability: Dick and Tim choose to see each other in positive ways. Something they both do is after they have a conflict, they'll apply on a retrospective very positive gloss to whatever just happened. So e.g. Dick starts Resurrection mad at Tim, and ends it by declaring, "I let you make the choice... because I knew you'd make the right one." Tim spends most of Red Robin 1-12 mad at Dick, and ends it by declaring that he knew Dick would catch him because Dick's always there for him. And in both cases, we-the-readers are aware that they knew no such thing! But to me, that doesn't make these declarations meaningless - it makes them more meaningful. Their faith in each other is sometimes genuinely felt, and sometimes it's something they stubbornly brute-force into existence because they want to give that gift to each other.

And I mean... Tim did make the right choice. Dick was there when it really counted. Just because it isn't the whole truth doesn't mean it's not a truth.

Now, does this positivity also put some pressure on them? Absolutely! They're both people who are very upset by failure, so they tend to reassure each other by insisting that there was no failure, could never be failure, failure is impossible, even when they know perfectly well that's not true. They praise each other's skills as a love language, when what they mean is I love you no matter what. They talk about other people's needs but don't always acknowledge each other's. And it'd probably be healthier if they said instead, "Even if you'd made the wrong choice, it'd be okay, because it's okay to make the wrong choice sometimes," or "Even if you're not always there for me, that's okay, because no one can be there for someone else all the time."

And they do not say that, because Dick and Tim are relatively well-adjusted by Batfamily standards but that is a very low bar, and at the end of the day they're still deeply messed-up perfectionists who deal with their emotional problems by punching crime in the face.

But look, they're trying. And isn't that the important thing? <3

[foxgloveinspace]

I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.

[aeliem]

entry for @moccasins's dtiys

thank you for giving me an excuse to draw a really funky night sky

timelapse under the cut

[fragaria-imagines]

Haii I really love your first kiss hcs with harlitt, tuxam, chaco and merold can you do it with Louter and klark? 🩷

I got a bunch of request for the Stellar Twins so I thought I’ll combine the two request! I decided to put an extra spin on this and lean in to the whole OHSHC harem vibes (even though I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean it in a literal sense-), so for this request the two stories are connected (going from Klarkstella to Louterstella) but it follows Otome rules where the romantic aspect/first kiss with one twin doesn’t happen, if you read the other twins story! I hope I explained it well(?), but I hope it’s enjoyable nonetheless!

Ever since you became a knight, quietness was not something that you experienced often. There was always something going on, a fight breaking out, training with noisy classmates, meetings with lord’s, there was never a moment of peace, never a moment for you to breathe, never a moment to sit in silence with only the thoughts in your head to keep you company.

So on the rare days like this, days where the birds stopped chirping, days where the wind stilled as if time stopped moving, days where nobody was around, you appreciated the silence even more.

The only noise that could be heard in the otherwise quiet eerie morning was the sound of the machine's churning, a sound which you have come to appreciate more and even look forward too, each passing day.

"You are doing it wrong, give me the hammer” Klarkstella bluntly said, glaring at you as you worked on the machines. Though his tone wasn't demanding, it didn't leave much room for objection either.

Or more accurately, you were looking forward to seeing the person who was responsible for those machine noises.

You don’t remember how this tradition began but every morning you’ll come by the mechanic shop, and see him already there working on the machines, never taking his eyes off it no matter what was going on around him. Truth be told, you didn't know much about the blue haired knight, you two were in different bouquets, and ran in different social circles, yet you couldn't help but feel intrigued anytime you were with him.

He didn’t say much back then, always hyper focused on the task at hand, though little by little, he finally started acknowledging your presence, whether that be giving you a curt nod or a blank stare. And you didn’t mind the silence, it was refreshing to be in the same room with someone without being expected to entertain a conversation, you quite liked the comfortable silence you two had going on.

But on the off times when he actually said a word to you, it was usually very short and to the point, never engaging in any small talk unless it was to critique or criticized you. Oddly enough, for someone who likes the silence so much, you found yourself to like those days the most.

You huffed in annoyance at his demeaning words, but you caved in and handed him your hammer, knowing that as much as you hated his arrogance, he was undoubtedly a genius when it comes to machines, and would most likely fix your problem.

“I don’t know what I did wrong though, I followed the instructions to a T!” You commented, watching him tinker with the machine. He rolled his eyes at your comment, knowing you did no such thing, but kept his thoughts to himself as he fixed your machine.

“I seriously don’t know why you even bother to come here so often, if you can’t even fix a simple machine” Klarkstella retorted, though there was no real malice in his voice, more so just tired annoyance from cleaning up your mess so many times. Still that didn’t stop the redness in your cheeks from spreading, knowing full well why you come by often, when you had no major interest in machines.

“And there we go, that should do the trick! You’re welcome by the way” Klarkstella confidently said, not even bothering to hide the arrogant smirk on his face.

“Oh shut—AH!” You started your insult but before you could finish it, you ended up slipping on a piece of loose machinery on the floor.

You shut your eyes and braced yourself for the cold impact of the floor but it never came, instead Klarkstella quickly grabbed your arm and pulled you into a warm embrace before you could hit the floor. You slowly opened your eyes and were met with his icy cold glare.

“You idiot watch where you’re going! You could have seriously gotten hurt!” Klarkstella scolded you. You winced at his harsh stern voice and waited for him to loosen his grip, before pushing you off him with contempt, but it never came. His embrace never wavered, in fact you felt like he only tightened his hold on you.

You wanted to say you’re sorry, you wanted to apologize for inconveniencing him time and time again, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so because as held you so close to his chest, you could feel his heartbeat thumping against your ear, you could feel his breath, his arms, his face so close to yours. It was at that moment you realize, you didn’t feel sorry for the inconvenience at all.

He always helped you any time you were having trouble with something, even when he could be doing anything else, and for that, you wanted to show your gratitude and appreciation for him.

An idea blossomed into your mind and you quickly turned red at the mere idea of it, his face being inches away from yours, and having his arms tightly wrapped around your waist, was definitely not helping your case, it did give you the courage to go through with it.

Slowly you moved your head closer to his and engulfed his lips with yours. You heard a small gasp coming from his lips but he made no movements to kiss you back, realizing what you have just done, you instinctively tried to pull back, in hopes to salvage whatever dignity and pride you had left.

But before you could pull away fully, Klarkstella pulled you back towards him, closing the gap between you two once again, this time more animated than before. You wrapped your arms around his neck, melting under his touch, you could stay in this position for hours.

Unfortunately, while you two may be fairies, life is not a fairy tale. You reluctantly pulled away from Klarkstella to catch your breath.

“Ah how cute…!” You thought, chuckling to yourself, once you noticed his ears had turned a bright shade of red.

Klarkstella, noticing that your attention shifted towards his ears, scowled at you. Though it wasn’t as threatening as he would have liked, since his face was just as red as his ears.

“A-anyways, um thank you for helping me with fixing my machine, a-and for catching me when I fell…! That was really nice of you so t-thanks, and I’ll love to stay and chat but I’m meeting up with a friend afterwards, so uh, see you tomorrow…!!” You awkwardly said, too embarrassed to even come up with an eloquent explanation.

You bolted out of the shop right afterwards, but you didn’t miss the amusing smirk he had on face as you helplessly explained yourself, nor the small chuckle he gave as you ran out.

Though you didn’t wait long enough to hear his response, you had a good feeling everything would be alright when tomorrow comes.

You had plans to meet your friend at a local café, but thanks to an incident at the mechanic shop -an incident that you may or may not have been responsible for-, you were running late on meeting him.

You knew he wouldn’t mind and would be understanding of your circumstance, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty for making him wait so long. So you did your best to quickly rush out of the shop to hurriedly meet up with him, Klarkstella’s lectures be damned, that was a problem for another day.

“I’m here!! I’m sorry I’m late!!” You shouted an apology to your friend. You quickly came to regret that decision, as the usual empty café, -that you specifically picked out because it was so empty, now was filled with hundreds of people…. who all heard your sudden outburst, and gave you looks of confusion, annoyance, or a mix of both.

“Y/N, over here!” Louterstella, who was sitting at the back of the café, gently called out, ignoring all the attention and turning heads that he received. You quickly made your way towards him, not wanting to draw any attention further, and sat down right across from him.

“Why is there so many people here today? It’s usually so empty” You asked, once you were seated, the embarrassment slightly started to wear off as people continued on with their day.

“It’s the morning crowd, it’s usually always like this” Louterstella explained, taking a sip of his tea afterwards.

“It’s a full house today, I’m surprised you even managed to get us a seat….” You replied absentmindedly, taking a bite of his croissants, as you looked at the menu.

“Ah yes, it is a bit difficult to find a good spot when it’s so crowded, it’s a good thing I didn’t come so late like some people” Louterstella teased, his smile never wavering. You choked on your croissant, the earlier bashfulness from before, was coming back in full gear.

“Careful now, have some water” Louterstella gently said, handing you a cup of his water, which you graciously accepted.

“Yeah sorry about that, there was a bit of an incident at the shop that kept me later than usual but it’s fine now” You explained after you were finished drinking water. “I would have come sooner hadn’t the accident happen, honestly!”

Louterstella waived your explanation away, seemingly not that upset about it. “Relax Y/N, I’m only teasing, I know hard it is to work a machine so don’t worry about it, I assume Klark was not pleased about it, though?”

You internally rolled your eyes at the mention of Klarkstella’s name, but your annoyance wasn’t that well hidden it seems, as Louterstella let out a small laugh seeing you so defeated at the mention of his brothers name.

“Oh, so it was that bad, Klark usually means well but he does come across a bit harsh when machines are involved, I hope you don’t hold it against him” Louterstella nodded in understanding, sipping his tea.

“Yeah I get that but Louter, you have to understand, it was a total accident! I followed the instructions and everything, I don’t know how it all went so wrong!” You ranted, remembering the moment where you slipped from the broken machines parts, and Klarkstella just stared down at you, with his “I told you so” smug look.

Louterstella didn’t interrupt your long winded rant, just sat there and nodded in sympathy, understanding the frustration when it came to working a machine. And that was the great thing about him, he never had to say anything or do anything to make you feel seen or heard, his presence was more than enough. There was just something comforting about him, where you’re able to let your guard down and confess your greatest sins to him, and you wouldn’t have to worry about him judging you or thinking you were odd, he just gets it.

“I understand, I’m not great with machines myself, one time I accidentally set a room on fire because the machine I was working on exploded” Louterstella said it so softly and so casually, that if you hadn’t been paying close attention to him, you would have thought he was talking about changing the curtain drapes to another color.

“You what!? How did that even happen?” You questioned, completely in shocked as to what you just heard.

Louterstella only shrugged, like setting a room on fire and accidentally exploding a machine was the most normal thing ever. “I don’t know really, it just happened, but on the bright side the room had to be completely refurbished and now it looks better than ever!”

You laughed at how nonchalant and casual he was, yet another great thing about Louterstella, how he always managed to find a positive in every situation he’s in or faced with, even if the whole world was looking very bleak and depressing, he’ll still find a way.

It was something that you admired greatly about him, and one of the first things that attracted you to him. As a newly turned knight, you have to admit that sometimes you don’t have the most positive outlook on life at times, there are times where you are way in over your head, and feeling like the whole world is out to get you.

That’s why, you’re so glad to have Louterstella by your side, someone who would pull you away from your own dark thoughts, someone who would always be by your side no matter what, someone who cares about what you have to say, and not only cares but actually listens to what you have to say.

As you come to find out there’s a lot of great things about Louterstella, and the more you spend time with him, the more you want to find out about every single one, every nook and nanny that there is to know about him, you want to know it all.

But the question is why? Why do you want to know so much about him? Why do you want to spend so much time with him, that you rushed out of the shop, mid Klarkstella lecture, just to go see him? And the truth is, you don't know why. You don't know what these new found feelings are called. Is it love? Is it infatuation? Is it just friendship? And what were you supposed to do with all these new feelings that you don't know the name of? Do you confess? Do you put it in a little box and shove it in the back of your mind till it goes away? You just don't know. All you do know is that Louterstella makes you feel happy, makes you feel safe, makes you feel heard and seen, and isn't that enough?

“Y/N are you alright?” Louterstella asked in concern, noticing how you suddenly went quiet.

“H-huh, I’m sorry Louter, can you repeat that?” You asked. You tried to pay attention to what he was saying, you really did, but you got lost in your own thoughts— and oh god, was his face always this pretty? You knew he was an attractive man, hell there were times where you would just stare at him and say nothing, completely mesmerized by his beauty. Was that what you were doing right now? Was that why he looked so concerned? Was he weirded out? He is weirded out, isn’t he-

“Y/N!” This time Louterstella called out your name more sternly, his eyebrows furrowed in worry, and your stomach flooded with guilt.

“I-I’m sorry Louter, I don’t know what’s with me today…!! I must be feeling tired from work and— Louter…!?” Your sentence trailed off, as Louterstella gently put his hands on your forehead, activating the butterflies in your stomach that were begging to crawl out and combust.

“You look very red Y/N, it seems like you’re running a fever” Louterstella said, matter of factly. Your heartbeat was pounding against your chest at his sudden movements, and your blush only darken, which didn’t really help your predicament.

“I-I’m really fine Louter-”

“Are you sure? Because your face has only gotten redder” Louterstella pointed out, he removed his hands from your forehead, to your relief and disappointment, and started packing his things.

“What are you-”

“I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone when you’re so sick, so I’ll be accompanying you and nurse you back to health” Louterstella explained, with a genuine smile on his face. You, on the other hand, wanted to die right there on the spot.

“Oh I can’t ask you for that! I don’t want to cause trouble for you!”

“Nonsense, it’s no trouble at all! Just think of it as one of my knightly duties” Louterstella said, he said it gently but sternly, leaving no room for you to argue with him.

With a heavy sigh, you agreed, knowing full well there was no changing his mind when he decided on something.

“This is going to be a loooong night”

————

For the rest of the day, Louterstella spent every waking minute nursing you back to health, and while you knew that there was nothing physically wrong with you, you had to admit that it did feel good to be looked after and taken care of by Louterstella, even if it was under false pretenses.

“How are you feeling, Y/N?” Louterstella asked, putting a wet cloth on your forehead, standing next to your bedside.

God, how crazy was that, Louterstella standing next to your bed? Louterstella’s in your room? Louterstella in your house?? The thought of it would have sent you blushing, but you tried to control it, knowing he would have mistaken your flustered face as sickness, and while you were happy to be taken care of, you didn’t want to take advantage of his kindness even more than you are.

“I’m feeling great Louter, you’re a really great nurse!” You complimented, you didn’t know if it was your mind playing tricks with you or what, but you could have sworn his face turned pink at your words.

“O-oh why thank you, but it’s really no problem, I used to take care of Klark a lot of times when we were younger” Louterstella said softly, rubbing his neck bashfully.

“I guess I like taking care of people that mean a lot to me” Louterstella continued, in a hushed tone. He said it so softly and quiet, yet there was no denying the genuine feeling behind his words, or the fact that his gaze on you lingered for a lot longer than it was appropriate.

Unfortunately for you and him, you didn't catch his lingering gaze or the double meaning behind his words, for you were too focused on the sibling comparison. Is that what he thought of you? Just another young sibling to take care of? Suddenly you felt your face start to heat up, but this time not from being shy and bashful, but from utter embarrassment and shame.

Here Louterstella was just trying to be a good friend and you not only completely misinterpreted his actions and words, but you also took advantage of his kindness and his hospitality. You're not even sick! And that's the only reason why he's here, because you're "sick", yet you foolishly deluded yourself into thinking of something that wasn't even there!

"Well I'm fine now, so you can leave" You replied curtly, you knew you were being cold for no reason, but you just couldn't help it. Now that you know how Louterstella really feels about you, it hurts too much to even look at him, much less be in the same room as him.

"Oh....yeah, I should probably get out of your hair then" Louterstella said in a dejected tone, taken aback by your cold words. Though he said he'll leave, he made no effort to do so, he just didn't get it, did he do something wrong? Were his feelings for you not clear enough? Or were they not convincing enough?

Never the one to sit there and not do anything about it, he made his way towards you, if words weren't enough to convince you, then maybe actions would get through?

Just as you were about to ask why he was leaning over you so suddenly, your words caught in your throat, as his lips crashed into yours. Overcoming your initial shock, you kissed him back just as intensely and passionately, you were overflowing with joy, cradling his face in your hands, your thumb gently tracing over his cheek.

Louterstella was the first to break the kiss, his was completely flushed, and you would have teased him about it, if yours wasn't flushed as well.

Still even with the adrenaline rushing through your veins, even with your heart about to explode from your chest because of the sheer happiness you felt, there was still something, you still didn't quite understand....

"Louterstella why did you..." You trailed off, not finishing your sentence, whether it was because of disbelief or because you were still in cloud nine to come up with a proper sentence, you didn't know.

"Kiss you? To be honest, I'm not sure about it myself... I really like you Y/N, maybe even more than a friend. This is all so new to me, I never had anyone that I was close to other than my brother and our Lord's, and then you came around, and then everything changed. I look forward to our hang outs, I like being around you, I don't know if that's considered love or what, but all I know is that I'm never lonely when I'm with you...." Louterstella confessed, his eyes never leaving yours for a second.

Your eyes widened at his confession, his words mirroring your own thoughts from not too long ago, the confusion, the embarrassment, the guilt, you understood it all.

Once he finished his confession, you pulled him into a warm embrace, which he happily accepted. No words were exchanged but there didn't need to be, because no amount of words could ever convey what you two were feeling.

For once, you weren't afraid of what the future had in store for you, because you knew no matter what happened, no matter if something would transpire between the two of you or not, you know you'll be okay, because Louterstella would be right by your side no matter the outcome.

And you wouldn't have wanted it any other way.