#life has been so insane lol
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BillDip promt:first date
Ahh an excuse to write fluff, yes >:3c
The last thing Dipper had expected when he was asked out by a handsome, seemingly normal guy on a dating app, was to end up gripping the passenger seat of a fancy sports car while his date stared down an empty parking lot.
"Don't you dare," Dipper laughed, gripping the seat tighter. "You just took me out to that nice restaurant and fed me all that pasta, and I don't think either of us want to see it again. Especially since this time it’ll be all over your dashboard."
Bill's intense gaze shifted from the pavement to Dipper, a large, smarmy grin on his face. "You saw how good of a driver I was when I got us from your place to the restaurant in that funky traffic jam. We made it on time for our reservation, didn't hit anyone or anything, and I didn't get pulled over!"
Dipper rolled his eyes, still smiling. During the two weeks that he and Bill spoke over messages, the blond had mentioned that he enjoyed doing things that, “got the heart pumping”. But Dipper had always thought that had been some sort of sexual joke, not that he actually wanted to fling his car around at high speeds the second they drove by an empty lot.
“How about we do a few donuts, then we park and give my poor stomach a chance to catch up with the night?” He leaned back in his seat, preparing himself for the ride. “I think I can handle at least a few.” Their night had been going well enough that Dipper would feel bad if he shut down Bill’s fun too quickly, so he didn’t mind putting up with more of the blond’s shenanigans.
Bill lit up, his baby blue eyes twinkling from the dim glow of his headlights. “Sounds good to me, Pine Tree!” He revved the engine a couple of times before shifting the car into gear and slamming his foot down on the gas.
The tires screeched as they whirled around the lamp posts and empty parking spots. The two of them got thrown around a bit with each turn, though both could be heard laughing over the sound of the rubber on pavement.
Thankfully, Bill stuck to only doing a few and came to an abrupt stop once they had made their mark on the lot.
“Bet you’ve never had a date end with something that exciting, huh?”
Dipper looked at Bill, a large smile on his face. “I dunno, one guy took me to see a movie then took me to a grocery store ‘cause he needed something and didn’t want to go back out again after dropping me off. So I guess you could say this is a close second.”
“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be?” The blond put his car into park, then adjusted the seat so that it was lying all the way back. “Then I’ll just have to one-up him and take a nap right here and now so that I don’t have to sleep after dropping you off.”
As soon as Bill closed his eyes and pretended to fake snore, Dipper burst out laughing and nudged the blond’s arm. “As much as I like your commitment to making this a super fun date, I think it’s about time I let my poor stomach lie down.”
“Your poor stomach, huh?” Bill got up and laid himself over Dipper, reaching for the latch to lay his seat down at well.
It popped into place too suddenly for Dipper to keep up with, he and Bill both falling backwards in an awkward position, Bill right on his stomach.
“Fuck, sorry,” he laughed. “Didn’t mean to come onto you that hard, but hey, you’re laying down now! Your poor stomach can rest easy in my car.”
“Not with you on top of it,” Dipper grunted. He gave the blond a playful shove, not actually trying to get him off. “Maybe if we carefully get back to my place before it gets too late, we can both… I dunno, maybe let our stomachs settle together on my couch with something playing on the TV?” Pink filled his cheeks because he knew that sounded a lot like he was inviting Bill over to get laid. And he sort of was. If one thing led to another, then who was he to deny the flow of the date?
Bill sprung up and had his seat back to normal in no time, his hand on the gearshift. “I’m about to be the carefullest- No wait, the most careful? Whatever, we’re about to be so fucking safe but fast, so buckle up.”
“I never unbuckled, so I’m ready,” Dipper snorted, adjusting his seat so that he could sit up. The car moved again, this time at a much better speed, and Dipper couldn’t help but smile over at his date. It was no trip to the grocery store, but he had a feeling he and Bill would have plenty of other outings that would more than make up for it.
#Billdip#bill cipher#dipper pines#drabbles#my writing#sorry it's taking me a while to get to these#life has been so insane lol#but I have been dying to get to the billdip fluff#so I'm glad I could finally put it out! <3
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in various conversations with my doctor about the insane life changing effect adhd meds have had on me one of the things he said was that it's not uncommon for people who have dysthymia/pervasive depressive disorder to have undiagnosed adhd at the root of the problem. and i think we forget that like. major depressive disorder is supposed to be something that eventually stops. it's episodic. like even people with depression very often are not in a state where it's just like. every day is a misery virtually nonstop for 15+ years. but with dysthymia/pdd it very much so is. which you can have pdd and mdd both at the same time too which is evil but anyway. it is wild enough conceptualizing that there is in fact a difference between the two things bc i very much so got depressed around age ten and just. never stopped. and when you live like that for the bulk of your life you just sort of get used to it? like it sucks but you just assume a degree of that is normal. so even on several antidepressants i never once aimed for "not depressed" i was always aiming for "mildly less miserable" i had just accepted that i would always be a degree of miserable and that my default was going to be feeling bad and if i was very lucky there might be a few days where i felt a little less bad now and then. the goal was "bearable misery" which is nuts to type out like wow! bleak!
anyway something i noticed when they started me on the adhd meds was that all the Racket in my head just. stopped. for weeks i just said to people "it's so quiet in there" because i didn't have dozens of loud competing fast thoughts all the time. and it took a while to pin down why this effect made me less depressed and worked better than literally any antidepressant had. and it's bc it /stopped thoughts/ and when i was depressed the Thoughts did not stop and they were not pleasant ones so i'd get stuck in these awful mental doom spirals and nothing i did would make it stop. and then this medicine made it stop. and it turns out it's much easier to not be sad when your brain doesn't have the Sad Channel turned up to high volume and is forcing you to deal with it clockwork-orange style. bc historically it was like oh god do we really have to do this again do we have to listen to the you will always be alone and unloved and nothing you do will ever be enough and your life will never be fulfilling in any way spiral again?? do we really have to i'm so tired. but now that channel is muted. a lot of channels have been muted. no amount of cbt/dbt techniques or various other therapy tactics had ever managed to mute those channels before.
and it's just insane it's like the thing about how stunned people with chronic pain are to learn that the normal amount of pain for someone to experience on an average day is none. it's just that but emotionally. bc even with the challenges i still have for autism reasons, most days now i'm fine. the emotional pain is zero on an average day. i now understand what people mean when they say "i'm having a bad day" bc there's a difference. but you see. all my days used to be bad. all of them. even the "good" days involved a degree of visceral emotional suffering and dread. and you don't realize how pervasive the bad is until the bad is the exception and not just an ordinary day.
i do not sit around consumed by the same thought patterns and doom spirals and mental quicksand now i'm just going about my day like an ordinary person and it's amazing how much less life /hurts/ and that's the only way i can think to put it is that every day used to hurt and it doesn't hurt now. past-me was incapable of conceptualizing a life where my baseline wasn't "profoundly and painfully sad and aching at all times" i was 100% prepared to just live like that forever!!!! and now if i have a bad day that's all it is an outlier i thought people in movies were just doing a bit when they had a "bad day" and the solution was just have a big piece of cake and cry a little and go to bed early and you'll feel better tomorrow bc i never felt better tomorrow! now i just feel better tomorrow if i have a bad day! most days the emotional pain scale is a 0/10.
like this is so long already but those of you who have been around for a long time you know how nuts this is for me. and i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason even bad things and for a few years i've been like huh wonder what the reason is for the whole getting beaten in the head thing though. well. it exacerbated the working memory issues. and it got on my goddamn nerves. so i asked to try this medicine so i could remember to get my soup out of the microwave. and then it fixed all the problems that have plagued me since i was a small child. and now i'm able to conceptualize a day to day life that isn't just Hurting all the time when i once thought i would never do anything but hurt.
#this has been a useless text post you may now resume your normal programming#it's insane trying to learn how to live a life that isn't just suffering in varying degrees#i didn't think i'd get the opportunity and don't totally know what to do with it but i'm gonna find out!!#anyway that's enough rambling for one night#but for many years i used this blog to document The Horrors#so it only seems fair to document The Wonders now lol
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hello sel!!! hru doing??
The ask game is super fun! How about Gojo + vindictive.
I hope u hv had a lovely day 🫶
zuro anon
zuro anon hello!! thanks for sending in a prompt!! i'm doing good 🥺 spending this lil vacay at home, mostly 🥺 and happy to be back writing 🥺 i hope you have the loveliest weekend 💗
contains: non-canon, childhood enemies to lovers (ish), (modern) arranged marriage, reader wears a braid and dresses
gojo + vindictive
you hate gojo satoru. you have ever since you were 5.
he's a bully―a real cocky one at that, with no regard or remorse for how his actions affect those around him.
on the day before your 6th birthday, right as your parents gathered together for the annual countdown, he gobbled up the entire plate of your favorite milk cakes before you could even take a bite. this marked the start, the beginning of a vengeance stewing inside of you.
at the age of 8, when you first learned how to do your own braids, he would tug at them, pull them free and unravel all your hard work for the past hour. you used to chase him for it, yell "satoru!" with all the strength your little lungs could muster and he would merely laugh and run faster.
the name "satoru," you've learned, must be synonymous with "sabotage," because it's all he's ever done. he threw the flower geto suguru handpicked for you straight to the ground, and purposely splashed gutter water all over the white dress you intended to wear on your first date.
not to mention, he's always rubbed in the fact that he's better than you, at everything―dangled all his accomplishments in front of you as if he knew they were just centimeters out of reach.
gojo satoru is solely responsible for tainting your childhood memories a miserable cerulean blue.
so, when your parents sit you down one day and tell you that you'll have to marry him, you feel transported in that moment, to each and every instance gojo has ever wronged you. it flips through your mind like a montage of flashbacks in a movie.
it's both surprising and not. your families have always been partners, in everything―business, education, and now you guess, life as well. you hate gojo's guts but this creates an opportunity you don't think can result from anything else.
so, sure, you'll agree to the marriage―only to make his life a living hell.
"hello, fiancée," he greets you, for the first time since the agreement.
you don't do anything to hide your disgust, face scrunching up as you spit out, "shut up, satoru."
the wedding planning is horrendous―at least, you hope it is for him. you pick out every single cake flavor you know he hates and choose the brightest venue possible for the event. the lights you pick for the afterparty are strobe lights, and you make sure to do multiple test runs just to play with his eyes. it doesn't occur to you that the solution to his light sensitivity is simple: just a plain pair of shades.
you wear plumping lip gloss on your wedding day, just so his lips burn when you have to kiss him. but gojo is either extremely numb or just good at faking it, because all he does is grin as he whispers quietly before parting, "spicy."
in preparation for your married life, you create a ledger of some sort―a book of accounts housing every single thing gojo has done wrong. you write down your plans to get him back for each of them, a list of pranks and inconveniences to make him regret ever messing with you all those years ago.
at half a year of marriage and 25 years of knowing each other, he casually tells you the big "i love you," but you're sure he doesn't mean it. you tell yourself your heart is racing from how infuriating his existence is; at how stupid his face looked when he'd said it. not anything else and most especially not the little dimple on his cheek that shows itself every now and then.
(you didn't know it yet then, but he'd found the ledger you kept and read through it all. the one-year plan, the three-year plan, the five, and so on. and it does nothing but strengthen how he feels about you, since he was 6, 14, and a few years ago at 24.
it's at your third year of marriage that you find out―how gojo's known all this time, but more importantly, how there were reasons behind every single instance you thought he was out to ruin your life.
with intelligence far beyond his age, gojo has always preferred the company of adults more than children. at age 6, he would listen in on conversations his mother had with her friends, roughly comprehending complex worlds with the simple ones he understood. someone had mentioned something about their daughter being allergic to milk. and so, when your birthday came up and all he saw were milk treats, he gobbled them all up in an effort to make sure you wouldn't be subjected to an adverse reaction―even though you were far off from any dairy allergy.
what he was sure of, however, was that you were severely allergic to bees. and when he spotted one perched right on the buttercup stem geto handed you, he had no choice but to smack it right out of your hand and down to the ground, stepping on it too, for good measure.
and, okay, maybe he was a little naughty for tugging at your braids when you'd just spent all that time doing them, but he always liked how they flowed into waves when they unravelled; how you'd chase him afterwards, angry but so, so pretty.
if there's one moment gojo will consider real sabotage, though, it's that date he stopped you from going to. like there was any way he was going to let another man see you dressed like that. he isn't nice that way. when gojo wants something, he's not sharing, and the sight of you in white―that was meant to be his and only his.)
#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#shotorus.workbook#this was interesting!!! bc i dont necessarily see gojo to be vindictive (hella petty yes HABSFh but not vindictive)#so trying to somehow incorporate the prompt really stretched out my braincells#thank you for this zuro anon!!#i hope you like it!!#additional context stuff!! they both come from affluent families and gojo is a little insane when it comes to love#not normal at all LOL he gets off from reader's hatred hsbfhsgdfv#reader learns to love him eventually. its rlly just a matter of seeing everything differently and understanding the whole situation#why he did things the way he did etc etc#not written but gojo hasbeen a kind of constant in reader's life and has been there at their lowest too !!!#and he really does go out of his way to make things work for reader too just not in ways obvious to reader !#for one of their classes in uni gojo got a really high grade compared to everyone else so chances of a curve were slim#reader's grade wasn't really that high and they were really sad about it#so gojo did a bunch of extra work for the professor so that he would agree to curve everyone's grades higher LOL#things like that ! he also trashed the front yard of the first boy that broke reader's heart 😄😄😄😄#nonie.zuro#ask#rep#ask game answered
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BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY! BDUBS DAY!
#hermitaday#bdubs fanart#bdouble0 fanart#hermitcraft fanart#hermitblr#my art#bdubs#im so happy#a day where i get to draw bdubs is a good day#my favourite guy. lich rally.#this is one of the softer bdubs i've drawn i think..#as much as high energy matches him 99% of the time idk idk he's so sweet that 1% of the time#and this season rlly has me feeling that. secret life rlly changed alot of these mfs in my head.#secret life is such amazing pay off for the whole life series im always saying tihs#anyway yeah insanity aside his builds this season have been so incredible i know bdubs builds are bdubs builds but like. wow#i think we should all appreciate idk. the way he plays w/ scale#makes a tiny box house that's like 6 blocks tall and it somehow looks so detailed like if you squint it could be an oil painting#and those trees. idk what else to say man. those trees.#anyway (insanity goggles on again) bdubs living far off happily in his cottage a bit off the grid. makes me so happy.#idk. bdubs learning to chill. it's so awesome.#his interactions with etho joel and pearl have been so cool to see#ethubs is gonna ethubs#but him and pearl are so funny together too. i love the kinda? sheepishness he talks to her with lol#and joel. i haven't quite figured out exactly what's going on between him and joel but i like it.#i think. bdubs wants to hit joel with sticks. but in like. an oh you rascal kinda way. little troublemaker you#i don't fuck with familial headcanons and I don't like assigning people parental roles. But.#coughs. okay that's enough.#i love bdubs alot he's my favourite. good night guys.
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I miss my infection AU chat I should work on it more.
I don't care for Ales in general, but I do love him in this AU and his scary dog. He's the boyfailure ever.
Doodles and progress below cut:
For a smidgin of context, Ales is trying to flee the glade after everything went to shit. However, since lums are sort of getting cooked, there is limited energy to go around, especially when you heavily rely on them to do anything. So, he switched to electoons, even if they're less efficient.
However, a wrench is thrown into his plan when his whole electoon supply is eaten by a very hungry hoodray.
Ales is not happy about this arrangement at all (he's a horrid pet owner).
Now, instead of smoothly fleeing the Glade, Ales has to take care of a hoodray who basically acts like a super unpredictable stray dog that's super clingy but could easily kill him. But if Ales pets him enough and keeps him well fed, he could have a very powerful ally for the future.
Have a good one pookies :))
#feel free to ask questions#i love putting ales in insane situations that could mean life or death it's so fun#ales has terrible magic guys he's so lucky to have encountered a more passive hoodray#cuz if not he'd been toast#also can we get more love for raybox chat? i love him#you can thank zynt for that#he was the one that proposed the raybox ales situation lol#also raybox has crumpled wings bc he got caught in some of ales's machinery while hunting near ales's ship#that's why raybox couldn't leave even if he wanted to#which he doesn't#rayman#rayman fanart#rayman infection au#infection au#rayman au#raybox#rayman raybox#rayman ales mansay#ales mansay#illustration#horror#horror art#tw horror#rayman origins#rayman legends#katiekatdragon27
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It's really interesting that Wynne actually has quite a measured, bordering on downright sympathetic response to hearing what Jowan did in the prologue -- if the mage Warden says "I still can't believe Jowan was that stupid", her answer is something like a thoughtful "Stupid, or desperate, or merely curious?". She seems to think of Jowan as a kid who got in over his head, rather than any less charitable interpretation. I do believe she genuinely is as against blood magic as she publicly expresses and as the Circle party line demands, but as a private person she clearly has a more nuanced and potentially kinder understanding of the reasons why someone might resort to it, at the very least.
(related: when she says that part about Irving telling her what happened, there's no dialogue option in the first stage of the conversation (except choosing the 'leaving the conversation' one) that doesn't net you +2 approval! no matter how the warden feels about it, she is ready to recieve it. I think that says something sweet about how Wynne conceptualizes younger mages and the honest real affection she has for them. if you didn't snitch on jowan and say you stand by that decision, though? +3 approval, apparently! what Wynne says and what Wynne thinks is not always the same thing indeed, her idea of where personal loyalty and integrity stands vis-a-vis a mage's responsibility to the circle may be more flexible than she'd have people believe, you'll be surprised to learn lol)
I have always liked wynne and found her interesting, in all her hypocrisies and her earnest care, but with slightly older eyes she's extra fascinating to me in the same ways that Iron Bull is -- seeing someone whose mind has had hollows carved out in it by the need for double-think and compartmentalization imposed by the oppressive systems and ideologies they live under, and the quiet fight of the self to still preserve vital parts of itself that the system deems unacceptable in the hidden backstage areas of the soul, as it were. (and for both of them part of that self is love and protectiveness of specific other people, beyond what their 'role' dictates is acceptable for them.) I think Wynne has managed to sneak more of her internal self through the meatgrinder relatively intact than Bull overall, but it's the same logic underlying it, for me, and it makes me feel such intense affection and compassion for them both to see how hard they try
#dragon age#dragon age origins#wynne#iron bull#my warden and wynne actually have quite similar feelings and views about the circle so it's really interesting#conflicted love is one hell of a tradition to pass down and boy do they do that lmao look the circle really is a family!#it has intricacies of intergenerational trauma being inherited and everything#I think sophia reaches the 'ok. alright. I'm going to stop being polite pretend centrist about this' stages earlier#but her being more open about it is mostly about her being uniquely protected by her role in the wardens#(and being the king's if-not-for-the-laws-of-this-land-and-the-finer-points-of-political-marriage wife lmao)#and knows it; she has less to be responsible for in the circle itself now. I think she and wynne Understand each other by then#asunder is a book of. many parts! let's say lol but wynne's characterization in it is so good#she was about to go absolutely nutso mode after stuff started to go south and I love that for her#her gloves have been on her whole life but oh she is aware of that and would have taken them off and then some in that moment#the older you get the funnier wynne actually being like 50 gets tho. oh no. at death's door. ancient. aged. she has outlived the ages#how the fuck old is irving btw since he's alive and kicking during the ending of asunder (<3 love you dad)#also. yes. yes I am still on my iron bull bullshit I may never truly be off it he makes me so impossibly sad and so insane
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So my roommate is also into One Piece. I’m not sure if he’s watched any of the anime, I know for sure he’s watched the live action, but earlier tonight he came upstairs and watched a few episodes with me while waiting for a food delivery, and then he got hooked, and then he sat and watched MORE episodes with me without really knowing what was going on. But it was still wildly entertaining to him, esp since I’m right in the middle of one of the (arguably) best arcs rn, and now he wants to finish the arc with me LOL. NOBODY is immune to One Piece propaganda. Or Bon-chan 🥰
#Shima speaks#IT WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY#Like he’s been spoiled to a lot of stuff and has general knowledge of some things#So he knows (as well as I) about what’s going to happen to Ace#But yeah I’m in the middle of Impel Down and it’s absolute fucking CHAOS rn. Insane.#He was like. How much more are you going to watch tonight.#And I was like well I usually go until right before bedtime when I’m binging it#So he was like let me grab my blanky :) LOL#We started chanting PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!!!!!#Idk it’s just nice. I usually don’t get this kind of reaction to stuff I watch#My parents don’t like anime and my sister. Well she likes it but only specific series#So I couldn’t rope her into OP even if I tried lol#So having someone be like ooooh what are you watching it looks good I want to join!#IT FEELS NICE. OKAY. I don’t get that ever!!!#I don’t have the kind of family who would be willing to watch anime with me#And tbh I get jealous when my friends tell me they watch anime with their parents#I doubt my parents would watch anime if I were on my deathbed and asked them to. LMAO#Not faulting then it’s not their cup of tea which is fine. It just makes me sad#*them#Bc that’s just. Such a HUGE part of my life and who I am. And they don’t know anything about that side of me#Or about the things I’m into#Sorry didn’t mean to get emo in my tags. Anyway.#I was gonna watch more OP during my lunch break tomorrow BUT since my roommate also wants to watch more. I will wait :)#Never have to do that usually! Huh!! How fun!!!#One Piece
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actually so funny how ive made so many stardew save files for rp reasons but i have not once recreated the flower valley in it
#SICK AND TWISTED!!!! i literally have flower crops mod on lol....#personally i think making my jimmy and scott would be sooo doable because i know theres an elven ears mod#maybe this will be a future project..... scardew valley has got to be put on hold bc the pixel work amount is insane lol#and last time i did scar's portrait sprite in one sitting my chronic aches acted up help#that being said i have GOT to finish that FH sketch ive got sitting around... its based off real life and its like a month now skull emoji#actually i have 5 billion wips but all i do is just be anxious and play video games so ok#<- has been playing star wars games and stardew valley#<-<- has been making aus of these games because brainrot#<-<-<- has been word-vomiting about said aus on priv like a normal person#烤鱼
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Snoopy #33
3/11/2024
#peanuts#snoopy#art#33#music#PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SONG THE CHORUS IS SOOO GOOD!!!!#the visual composition of this piece is kinda ass ngl. like it's just random stuff all over the place but oh well!#wired headphones because i'm a HATER of the wireless headphones revolution that has been going on for the last like 6-8 years or so#anyway i'm obsessed with this song#and it's maybeeee lowkey relevant to my life rn 👀#guy offering me a ride home despite me living out of his way = one of many dominoes in a chain of events that will probably lead to a crush#eventually... if not right now#idk i'm insane and a loser so i could slow burn for years but i am trying not to waste other people's time with my shenanigans anymore#so into another outlet these feelings must go!#how did CRJ manage to capture so perfectly how i felt in the car in 4 simple little lines... megabrained genius behaviour i have to say!#also that car ride home was a few months ago and i didn't discover this song until afterwards (despite this album being 9 years old lol)#so how i felt in the car was Not at all influenced by any pre-existing knowledge of this song#or any desire to shape the events of my life to fit the emotions of the song for the Plot or the Aesthetic or the Narrative or whatever#it just came into my life like a perfectly tailored jacket from a thrift store
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for people who have anxiety but live alone anyway: how do u deal with the panic? I live with 2 other people and still have bubble burst moments of random fear that only gets soothed by putting myself in someone else's eyeline. what do you do when the catastrophising starts???
#my body has a lot of random weird pain frkm 26 years of bad things and every time im like#i should have written a will its really happening this time im about to drop dead#so i skitter around the house to stand close enough to someone else that theyd hear me if i fall over LMAO#insane behavior i know. i have a mountain of medical anxiety bc of my grandparents#but like i cant even wrap my head around what id do if i felt that way and was alone 24/7 at home#panic forever???#who makes you eat and shower bc its sure not MY executive function keeping me alive on the bad days LOL#id wither away if i lived alone i think#kinda sad my life went a way where thats never going to happen tho. to the end of wanting to know who id be#how would i dress and act and decorate?? eat?? what kind of dishes would i get. throw blankets too#what would i learn abt myself etc its an iteration of me that will likely never happen bc im happily married#hmmm#ur always going to wonder about the lifestyles you didnt have. thats normal#but it does make me wonder what i would have been like if i had friends and my own space#oh to be a fag making out with his friends in the privacy of his own home#or maybe thats just how i feel bc were literally married and have never been able to afford to live alone Together lol
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fighting for my life to Be Cool About It playing felix as a dnd character who has only known the party for one(1) egregiously shitty week rather than get carried away with romance subplots I'm inventing in my own head, as if simon getting Enthusiastic and visibly excited while talking a lot doesn't instinctively trigger, in felix, the exact same profound heart eyes reflex that justin doing so does for me in real life
#in my defense I've been playing dnd for nine years and have been in idk how many campaigns and have never done this before ever lol#justin and my characters almost always have insane chemistry but it's always platonic because most of them are fundamentally incompatible#ALSO IN MY DEFENSE THIS CAMPAIGN FUCKING SUCKS MOST OF THE TIME AND SIMON IS THE BEST THING IN IT SO FAR LMAO#jay can have little a blorbo hopelessly smitten with her husband's blorbo. as a treat.#ANYWAY it doesn't necessarily matter that felix is down so bad for simon already-- it's not like he's gonna ACT on it#the problem is just me tryna be cool about it lmao. I don't want justin to feel like he has to play simon any particular way for my sake 🤔#limerick's player when I sent her those felix sketches: god limerick is so weak for everyone in different ways#me playing a highkey nerd-sexual: mmhm mhmm. uhhhh can't relate--#LOOK IF JUSTIN DIDN'T WANT FELIX TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIS GUY HE SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE HIM SO EASY TO LOVE. IS ALL I'M SAYING.#SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE HIM PASSIONATE AND EXCITABLE THEN!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME#I KNOW EXACTLY HOW FELIX FEELS ABOUT THIS THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO TO ME IN REAL LIFE! FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!#about me#husband#my OCs#felix
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my heart was so heavy today but i saw dan and phil again tonight after eight years and i just love them so much i have a lot of feelings… i needed that so bad ❤️🩹
#literally cried seeing them again#they revived their channel right before the rest of bts enlisted last year#so i’ve pretty much spent this year with them again and it’s been so familiar and comforting#HOURS rewatching their sims series backwards it took me months lol#just to fill the void#i’ve been with them for 12 years bro#they are home to me#as much as one direction was home to me too#the timing of this has all been so insane#everything is intertwined#i love all these people deeply#i don’t take them for granted at all#like if you asked me my big three constants#in this life it would probably be dan and phil and 1d and now bts#so to have dnp be there when i need them in such low moments more than once this last year#it’s a lot and it really caught up to me today#i was so emotional
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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!
#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol#life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too#like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be#in control#like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted#and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young#but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were#i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period#waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already#and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT#but im TIRED. of waiting#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now#theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it#and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid#but im not allowed to get passed it#im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke#ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL#carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least
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actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew
#like its always just been there in my life but i just never paid attention#my university roomie was obsessed w them and had several beatles posters that i looked at every day#so stuff like the pictures of them from the let it be album are like engrained into my brain#and yet i never knew the lore??#nor did i know until recently that they were actually all high school buds nor did i know they wrote their own music#nor that they genuinely basically invented modern bands n using the studio the way they did etc. so all that was very impressive and cool#but THEN on top of that omg the angsty gayness of john and paul#like all i knew previously basically was that john was a thing w yoko ono and paul had a young wife recently#i had at one point heard of people shipping j&p together and was just kinda like wow i guess people will ship anything#I DIDNT KNOW#that they were actually like that cute and that insane together and that their song writing together was like an actual marriage#anywayz the old pictures and videos of them are just like jesus look how they look at each other i dont think it was just being bros#i am sort of in the camp of they prob didn't act on it for real but there was def some insane tension/chemistry going on#and then ofc once youre aware of this their songs take on so many possible meanings outside of just singing about their gfs and wives....#anyways i just have to vent about this somewhere bc im actually shocked at how this has just passed me by all these years#and it definitely was not on my bingo card for 2024 to fixate on the beatles but here we are lol#more proof to me that my ultimate fave trope or wtv is 'besties to enemies when really they actually probably wanted to be lovers'#gets me every time!!!!#whats been fun about this rabbit hole is how just every single one of my expectations has been reversed as well#i went in assuming i would like them best in this order:#(1) george (2) ringo (3) paul and (4) john#i was sure i would hate john i thought he sounded so pretentious and like such a douche#but no actually he is my fave one and it's literally in reverse order for me i find george my least fave#(i like his music and feel bad for how he got ignored in the band but i like him the least)#and then i literally am john paul ringo george in order of faves now#i just love when i get surprised like that idk it keeps me on my toes and keeps things exciting and fresh#and yes john is indeed pretentious and a douche but i didn't know he was also funny and vulnerable and that i like his voice and songs#the most in the bunch almost every time as well#the beatles#p
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characters that make sense to be living in wayne manor without much if any explanation: bruce, alfred, damian, tim, cass
#so so often im reading fic n going like 'STEPH? are you insane'#bruce & alfred: yeah. self explanatory#dick: would but only under circumstances where he Has To for someone else's sake#jason: grown ass man who fights his foster dad every chance he gets#which could also be a description of dick during certain times but i digress#tim: he'd try very hard not to but i can technically imagine him ending up there without a mission related reason so he makes the cut#steph: she has a whole ass mom. disrespectful to her to pretend steph would rather live w bruce tbh#damian: yes but he'd complain about it. at least it has enough room for his personal petting zoo.#cass: enigma. she can do whatever idc enough to figure her out.#she bores me still ngl#the closest i ever got to caring about cass was when i was reading rumors about a scrapped catholic arc for her lol#duke: another where im pretty sure he ends up having relatives that he can go to and having him live w bruce instead feels odd#but also im a new earth bitch not a prime one so idk what his life is like#honorable mention: babs: are you insane. grown ass woman. only semi-recently has been deaged to hell and i do not respect that call from DC#unless she and bruce are married there is no reason for her to be there lmao#i say honorable mention bc that ones rare as hell. thank god.
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happy saturday ☀️ love you all
#life updates?#this month has been insane. BUT#i finished bg3!!!!! it took one failed play through and probably about 200 hours but i did it!#was so cute and i’ve already started my dark urge play through which is very fun#except i find it excruciating to be mean in video games lol
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