#life has been a lot lately and i’m sorry i’ve been MIA

[bad-surprise]

https://youtu.be/s3v1dAca4bc?si=HH6fnr0hw0sS0gP-

I cried my eyes out bc of this video and it's almost funny how normal people and bitym melted together deep in my soul. Paul Mescal's anxiety and modern AU Halbrand, pls, shake hands.

And ofc their LOVE. THE LOVE. Both killed me in the best ways 🥲

oh my goodness i think this is the best normal people edit i’ve ever seen 😭 now i really want to rewatch/reread it.

it’s so staggering to have something i wrote mentioned in the same sentence as that story, even though it was a conscious influence on but i thought you might 🥲 normal people means so much to me and (at risk of sounding like a broken record and annoying anyone who might see this) bitym feels intensely personal and has so much of myself in it, so receiving this message nearly a year after posting the final chapter is overwhelming in a good way and it’s absolutely made my day.

thank you so much for sending this, you don’t know how much i needed it right now 💛

[hamiltonaf]

Can you do one with Kylian being very jealous of yn all the time and every time she talks to a guy friend he gets mad and makes a big fuss about it and yn gets tired of him and wants to leave him but then he gets upset and begs for forgiveness but she is so tired of his bullshit and want to take a break from the relationship but after 1-2 months they get back together and he got jealous again so she wants to know why he is like that and it turned out that his ex girlfriend cheated on him multiple times so he had trust issues and she assured him that she wasn’t going to do the same thing

Trust Issues | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.1K

Warnings: Minor angst

A/N: Hii loves ! I’m finally back. Apologies for being MIA, I had a lot going on, plus I had writers block. I’m sorry in advance if the end is disappointing - I honestly feel like I forgot how to write lol. If you’ve sent a request before, please note that I’m working on it. Anywho, enjoy .xoxo

Never thought I’d come to a point in life where I had to cut off all my guy friends for Kylian’s sake. I’ve told myself in the past that if I had to face that in a relationship then I’m walking out. Mentally I’m playing hangman with Kylian’s name.

I love Kylian, I really do, it’s also cute at times to see him get jealous but when it comes to a point when he tells me that I need to stop talking to my guy friend then I don’t vibe with that. He’s basically saying that he doesn’t trust me.

We’ve fought, he apologised, I looked past it for us to move on, but he just crossed the line.

I went out for a friend’s birthday dinner, Kylian decided to stay back and chill at home, though he promised he would pick me up after. The birthday dinner felt like a reunion as some of us were seeing each other after years, it was great catching up with everyone, especially Daniel. Him and I were really close growing up as our parents were good friends, but since I moved and was with Kylian I rarely attended gatherings.

It was getting quite late and Kylian was delayed, I didn’t bother rushing him since Daniel was accompanying me and we were just catching up on lost time. We were stood outside the restaurant, dinner had just ended, some had left and others were in their own conversations. “So how are things going? What have you been up to ?” Daniel eagerly asked. “Well, I’m in my final year of studying so it’s been a bit much but I’m coping. How are things going for you ?” I replied. “Life is great. Can’t complain” he smiled proudly. “Still running your parent’s empire I suppose” I smiled. “Nothing has changed” he grinned.

“Good for you Dan. You’re living the dream” I half laughed. “I’m living the dream ?” He scoffed. “Yeah of course ! You’re travelling literally every other month, flying first class and living the good life” I said. “Yeah but you’re the one dating the football player !” He stated. “Speaking of him, let me just check how far he is” I paused to check my phone if perhaps Kylian called or messaged. Nothing.

Just as I locked my phone, my head turned when I heard a car rev in the distance, he’s here. “Oh look. There he is” I said as both of our heads snapped to Kylian pulling up beside us. Daniel leaned towards the car as Kylian rolled down the window, “Hey man, I’m Daniel” he introduced himself. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kylian” Kylian shook his hand. “Heard a lot about you. We should meet up soon, I’ll message (Y/N)” Daniel suggested. “Yeah sure” Kylian said lastly. “Take care bro” Daniel said before pulling me in for a hug. “Bye Dan. Until next time” I murmured. “Until then. Ciao” he said as his hand rubbed my back before breaking away from our hug.

I got into the car and immediately I could feel the tension in the air. “Hi baby” I smiled as I leaned in to kiss his cheek. He didn’t say anything or react, he just remained stiff. I knew what was coming and I wasn’t ready to face the drama for the umpteenth time. Choosing not to say anything in the car until we got home was the best decision. The second the door shut, he didn’t surprised me by being the one to bring it up. “What was that ?” He raised his voice. “What was what ?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Who even was that Daniel guy ? I was there for only a minute and I could see the way he was looking at you. You both seemed to enjoy that hug a little too much” he said. I scoffed, “Are you being serious right now ?”

“Do I look like I’m joking ?” He yelled annoyed. “You have honestly lost it !” I yelled as I turned my back on him and stormed towards our room. “(Y/N) I’m talking to you !” He yelled for me as he followed me to the room. “How the hell can you say we enjoyed that hug a little too much. Are you trying to call me a cheater ?” I raised my voice as I turned around to face him. “You’re just putting words into my mouth. My point is that if another person had seen you both together, they would think you’re a couple. I don’t want you seeing him again” he said.

“You know what Kylian ? I’m done” I huffed. “What do you mean done ?” He asked baffled. “I mean that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue being in a relationship where my own boyfriend doesn’t even trust me or allows me to talk to other guy friends of mine without assuming I’m cheating. I’m living a lie by staying in this relationship. Go find yourself a girlfriend that you can control because I’m not that girl” I said before getting a bag and packing it with my belongings.

“Babe please don’t do this. I swear I’m not trying to control you. I’ll admit that I got jealous, okay ? But please don’t go. I love you so much, what will I do without you ?” he pleaded and tried to stop me from packing but I continued.

“No Kylian ! Today you literally crossed the line, I couldn’t care so much for the other guys you said I need to stop talking to, but the fact that Daniel and I go way back and now you want me to cut off our friendship ? He’s basically apart of my family because his parents and my parents are friends. Kylian…I’m so tired honestly of us going back and forth. It just bothers me that Daniel attempted to be your friend in that minute you met but instead you ignore all of that and insinuate that I cheated ? Get some help because I need a break from your shit…this has gone past jealousy” I said in anger, I didn’t have it in me to cry.

“(Y/N) please. I’ll change okay ? I’ll do better. But please don’t go. Please give me another chance” he begged. “Kylian I gave you way too many chances. I can’t believe how long I’ve dealt with this and didn’t leave sooner” I said as I zipped up my bag. “So that’s it ? You’re just going to throw away a 2 year relationship ?” He asked. “All I know right now is that we need space away from each other. I love you Kylian, I do, but I think it’s best for the both of us” I pressed my lips together as I threw my bag over my shoulder. “So we’re over ?” He asked teary eyed. “I- please don’t make this harder than it already is” my voice cracked as I looked up in hopes that my tears would disappear.

“Babe you can’t give up on us. We’re meant for each other” he said as he grabbed my hands and rubbed small circles at the back of them. “Kylian, consider this a break rather than a break up. We can both wisely use this time to focus on ourselves…if we’re meant to be, we’ll find our way back to each other.”

Those were the last words I’ve said to him face-to-face. I left that night and ended up staying at my parent’s house. They were surprised to see me and were quick to ask where Kylian was, I just lied that he’s travelling for an away game. 2 weeks of staying with my parents raised suspicion and they figured out that something was wrong, my mom especially. I told my mom exactly what happened and luckily she took the hint to not talk about it.

Not a day passed that I didn’t receive a message from Kylian. Countless ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ flooded my phone daily, it wasn’t easy taking this time to focus on myself when he was on my mind all day. Whilst making his message clear, he indirectly would ask for us to talk it out and as much as it hurts, I refused. No point in us getting back together if he’s going to go back to square one.

After about a week, I caved in and started replying back to his messages. Eventually easing in to phone calls and FaceTimes. It’s been 3 weeks since that day I called on a break, today I decided it’s time to meet and talk things out.

He seemed sincere and genuine when we met, of course I couldn’t help but give him another chance. We were meeting for one week as if we were in love all over again and after that one week, we’re back together.

Daniel was in town and he wanted to meet up, I happily accepted his lunch invite and was looking forward to rekindling our friendship. Kylian was at training so I thought I’d get ready in the meantime until he was back.

“Ma chérie !” He called as he entered. “In the room, Ky !” I yelled. He came into the room and whistled behind me. “You look beautiful” he said as he placed a kiss on my neck. “Thank you babe” I blushed. “Where are you going ?” He asked as he walked over to sit at the edge of the bed. “I’m going out for lunch with Daniel” I said casually. “Wait, what !” He asked as he stood up. “Why ? I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t see him ?” He said as he changed his tone. I dropped my mascara on the counter and stood up, “Are you back to this nonsense where I can’t have guy friends ?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Do you not know how the story goes about childhood guy friends falling for their girl friends ?” He stood up to stand arms length away from me. “No, Kylian ! That’s not how the story goes. Do you not know it takes two people to be in love which hello ? I’m obviously not.” I said as I started to grow angry. “(Y/N), you don’t know how a guys mind works” he said as he shut his eyes for a second. “Before I walk out of this relationship one more time, could you care to explain your reasoning behind why I can’t have guy friends ?” I raised a brow. His face softened when he heard me mention walking out.

“Babe please no . I’m sorry” he rushed over to me to hold my hands in his. I pulled my hands away from his grip, “Explain Kylian…I can’t continue entertaining this.” He sighed and dropped his head before mustering up the courage. “I have trust issues because of my ex” he admitted. I was shocked. “Well, what happened ?” I asked curiously.

“I trusted her and was never one to question anything she did until I found out she cheated on me with those guys she called her friends. Soo…I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst, I was heartbroken and felt betrayed. It’s been hard for me to accept having trust. It’s not you babe, I promise I trust you, I just fear that your guy friends will convince you to leave me and walk away from our relationship. I can’t bare losing you, not again after the break” he said as he got emo. “Aww Ky” I pouted as I pulled him in for a hug. We never left each others embrace for a few minutes until Kylian broke away to kiss my forehead.

“I’m glad I got that off my chest. You deserved to know. I love you so much and I’m sorry for my behaviour. I’m trying to be a better boyfriend for you after our break so please be patient with me” he pouted. “I get it now. Thank you for being honest babe” I gave him a quick peck on his lips. “You can go out with Daniel, I won’t stop you any longer” he sighed. “Look, as your girlfriend, I want to help you through this. Remember Daniel suggested you guys going out ? Well why don’t you join us, I’ll send him a message and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. That way you have an idea of what Daniel is like and you have a peace of mind. Also, it’s not just about trusting Daniel, I would like if you and Daniel could be friends. I mean the man is practically family” I half laughed before sending a message to Daniel. “Shame I feel bad now for hating on the guy” he sighed. “Well what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him” I winked then sent the message.

[kakiastro]

Chilled Astrology Observations

Hey y’all! You good? I’m sorry I’ve been MIA lately, I needed a break from everything for a while. While I’m still taking a break, I will start to post more content back up. I’ll be doing schedule post instead of mostly live ones.

So this a chilled post, so sit back and relax. These are just observation so if it don’t resonates then let it fly.

Libra Placements

-I believe the reason why libras has a hard time making decision’s is because they can see all sides to things. They have the ability to see the perspective of different point views and find them validated. So what happens, they struggle to pick a side because both sides have a point. They need to lean into their sister sign energy Aries and make a concrete decision. Now it may not be the right decision but you picked one based off of what you think is fair and just. Why do you think so many judges have libra or heavy Venus energy in their chart.

-I feel like Libras is more of a socialite than Leo’s. Leo’s are good with people due to their warm nature but libras are just naturally charming to everyone they meet. Everyone knows them but in the same breath, they can create a lot of enemies. Libras are sweet but don’t underestimate them, they can quickly turn into their sister Aries real quick. That passive aggressive energy is scary chile

Capricorn Placements

-most Capricorns but particularly Capricorn risings definitely has had a Mars type of upbringing. They have an Aries 4h so that’s where the Mars energy is coming from. It’s like the line from Sophia from the Color Purple “All my life I had to fight” because they have. Risings in particular had to learn what it means to be independent at a young age. It’s also weird because even though they were independent at a young age, they were heavily restricted. This is why so many of them are considered late bloomers because as they get older, the more freedom they have. Once they start having financial and physical freedom is when it starts to look up for them. Their 30s is when their lives actually start for the better. Aquarius is one sign over which rules their 2h of money.

-Capricorn Suns go through this but there’s a little different process. Most of their restriction growing up was trying to figure out who they are in the world. They may have looked up to lots of elders like grandparents. Much of their identity was created by the elders they looked up too. This is why Caps have “old person” energy about them because that’s who they looked up to as children. Cap Suns growing up may have a small view of the world until they start to see the world and have a spiritual awakening. This usually happens around 23-25ish, heavy on 24. 24 is considered your 1h protection year. It’s also your Jupiter return so trying to figure out who they are in this world

Pisces placements

-I’m probably about to make a few Scorpio placements mad but I feel like Pisces people are way more mysterious than Scorpios. Every Scorpio person I’ve met were actually very bubbly and open. They just naturally have this intense energy but they’re not scary people at all! Now Pisces, it’s like trying to understand the depths of the ocean lol. Y’all are hella mysterious and brooding. Pisces, I swear y’all live different lives everyday😅. Pisces moons and risings are the hardest to read for me.

Synastry

-Moon/Chiron, so if you have this aspect with anyone, you all trigger and heal each other. The Moon person soothe the Chiron person wounds. It’s like when our moms hold us after we get hurt “it’s gonna be alright hunny” type of energy. The Chiron person feels validated but also feel open with sharing those wounds to the moon person. Now the Chiron person can trigger the moon person to work on their own healing. Chíron brings up the things the moon person has repressed that needs to be healed. Depending on the person, if the moon is open to healing and working on themselves, then this can really be a beautiful aspect. If not, then the moon person can lash out emotionally and it can cause riff in the connection.

-Sun/Moon, this is one of my favorite aspects! The Sun person sees the emotional needs of the moon. The moon person sees the Sun for the beautiful person they are. The luminaries see each other because they light each others world. How beautiful is that🥹

Sagittarius placements

- sag people, y’all need to take breaks from the world. I noticed sag people can really feel the weight of the world on their shoulders to the point it messes up your psyche (Scorpio 12h). Sag is ruled by Jupiter which rules over world affairs. It also rules over mass media. I’m not telling you to completely shut the world out but take breaks and ground yourself.

[missmaywemeetagain]

Well hello there my babies! I’m deeply sorry I wasn’t able to post Broken Glass 11.1 here as planned yesterday…between navigating some ongoing health issues and having a sudden death in the family this weekend (I swear, this July (year) has been exhausting utter madness), I literally didn’t even realize I had forgotten to post until just now! It is unlocked HERE over on Patreon for free, so you should be able to read it easy-peasy (hopefully 🤞🏼) and eventually when I have more energy, I’ll post it here and on AO3.

Thanks for your patience! Like I said, things have been wild lately (hence why I’ve been MIA a lot), and I’m barely holding on to life life-ing at the moment. 😵‍💫

Loves and kisses 💋

[dannyricsmirrorball]

fic poll ੈ✩‧₊˚

okay so sorry for being kinda MIA lately,, i’ve just been busy w school and life but i’m on break so might be a tad more active. i have been working on stuff but kinda get bored or forget to complete them so i’m letting you all choose!

these are the fics i’ve started/almost finished already so let me know which one you’d like to see first so i can prioritise it and get it out ASAP!

here’s a little synopsis of the fics ;)

our secret • ls18

reader has been lance’s best friend for as long as they can both remember. everyone wants them together but what if they’ve been soft launching the whole time..?

brother’s best friend • gr63

it’s all in the title lol but basically reader is alex’s sister and is always tagging along with him and lily. george and the reader are also really good friends but lately they’ve been suspiciously hanging out a lot more…

everything has changed • jd14

reader is australia’s pop princess and also very close friends with australia’s resident golden boy daniel ricciardo. fans get excited at the prospect of their fave pop princess becoming a wag and off with the shipping wars. some are in the know but some are shocked to learn that she has a lost childhood friend in aussie f2 driver (and mate of danny ric) jack doohan, is it just a rekindling of friendship or is something more on the horizon?

3 peas in a pod • dr3

reader is longtime best friend of mclaren golden boy lando norris. daniel, lando, and y/n famously get on like 3 peas in a pod. fans have been shipping the reader with both boys, some adamant that she is just too young for daniel and that childhood friends to lovers will prevail whilst others are sure that lando is strictly a friend. as it becomes increasingly clear that y/n is dating one of them, how will these ship wars effect these long time friendships and relationships.

always an angel • jb22

fans quickly realise that f1 world champion jenson button and famous victoria secret angel y/n y/l/n are an item. most are ecstatic at the iconic pairing whilst some are jealous and delusional. whilst the pair are very much in love, the constant undermining of y/n as an individual or even a human being is starting to take a toll.

also i promise that tying the knot p4 will be out eventually,, i’ve just had a bit of a lull w it and thought i’d try out some other stuff first xx

thank you!

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 21:

I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

"You’ll be driving?" Charles voice sounded muffled "From Neuburg to Spielberg?"

"Yeah, it’s not just me, Felix as well. We’ll do a little road trip, maybe we put cameras in the car, conversations between a team principal and his driver." I chuckled a little, searching for my socks in my suitcase.

"I know your road trips. It’s just old music and you singing along. Or Taylor Swift and you singing along." he panted and then I heard a loud bang "Fuck."

"What are you doing? Are you okay?" I asked sitting down on the bed, putting the phone on speaker, laying it next to me, to pull on the socks.

"I’m dressing up. I overslept and now I’m late." Charles said "And I have your socks."

"I noticed, because I have yours… I don’t like them." I mumbled grabbing my sneakers, slipping in.

"I don’t like yours! They’re so thin! And too small." he said and I chuckled.

"Well and yours are too thick! And too big!" I said and he laughed.

"Whatever. So. Spielberg. You’re driving with Felix. Tomorrow, early in the morning?" Charles said.

"Yup. And just so you know, we’ll be listening to good old Classic Rock! Singing along. Dancing." I said and got up, walking over to the mirror to cover up my jaw.

"You definitely need a camera in there!" Charles laughed "Oh, and talking of cameras, Netflix will be with Ferrari this weekend."

"Ooouuuh! Sorry Mr. Drive to Survive." I said.

"Ha-ha. Very funny. It’s a little sad that they weren’t with you last weekend! That would’ve been an amazing episode!" Charles sighed and I packed my make-up away.

"I mean… they filmed me once or twice before. They just never were officially in our garage? Audi is not fancy or prestigious or successful enough I guess. Although Julie told me they want a special episode or something just with me, but I said we’re a team, so that’s not gonna happen!" I plopped down on the bed.

"Hmm. It could be interesting, an episode about you? To give some insights of the life of a female F1 driver? Maybe talk about how hard it was as a girl? Maybe that attention would help girls in motorsport?" Charles retorted.

"Great. Now I feel bad that I turned them down." I sighed and he chuckled.

"I’m sure Julie could talk with them, I mean if you really want to!" he said and I shrugged my shoulders.

"If it’s focussing on girls in motorsports and how tough it was to make it into F1? I’m in. Everything to help promote girls in motorsports!" I should had to talk to Julie.

"That’s the spirit!" I heard a car door slam shut "Wait a second, I won’t hear you when I start the engine and my phone connects to the car… can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear!" I got up and grabbed my bag, leaving the hotel room "You’re having a meeting with Mattia first, you said?"

"Yeah, Mattia and Laurent as far as I know… I kinda know what it’s about…" he said hesitantly.

"It’s about us, right? About what Laurent saw?" I almost whispered.

"I guess so, he didn’t say anything the whole weekend, so I guess he told Mattia and now we’re having the talk." Charles sighed a little and I felt bad.

"I’m sorry… if we wouldn’t keep this a secret you wouldn’t have to have this meeting now.” I said as I left the hotel.

"Stop it. I’ve seen what they write about you… us! Us as friends… I get it, okay?" he said immediately and I got in the car "But I’m here now…"

"Okay, then- umm… good luck? I don’t know what to say, to be honest!" I leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

"You don’t have to say anything, cara mia. I’ll call you later, okay? I love you! Bye for now!" and with that he hung up.

"I love you too." I whispered and started the engine, driving off the parking lot to the Audi facilities.

When I arrived at the gates I was surprised to see a little group of fans waiting for me and my heart warmed. One of the securities was trying to wave me through but I stopped the car and got out.

"Hi guys! What are you doing here?!" I asked them and they began to cheer.

"We’re here for you! You won! Congratulations!" a young girl screamed and the rest of the little crowd cheered even louder.

"We were hoping that you come here today!" a guy said and I smiled at them.

"You guys are awesome!" I honestly didn’t expect this.

"Can we take a picture with you?" another girl asked an I nodded.

"Of course! I would love to!" I stood next to her and posed for a selfie with her.

I took a lot more selfies, signed shirts, caps, poster and flags. I talked with every single person and didn’t wanted to make anyone feel left out. All while holding back tears. Of course I saw some fans at the races here and there, even knew about some fan accounts on Instagram, but I never expected fans waiting outside our factory for me. Almost like the Tifosi wait for Charles in Maranello. And I received a whole bunch of new bracelets, a scrapbook and even a doll, that looked like me. I was overwhelmed with their outpour of love and support.

"Okay you guys, huddle together I want a picture with all of you guys!" I said and the little crowd all squeezed together, I handed the security guard my phone and he took a picture "Thank you all so much! This means the world to me! I love guys! Have a safe trip back home, okay?!" I said and got back in my car.

"Kick some asses in Austria! Have a good race weekend!" they all screamed and I smiled at them.

"I will do my best! See you guys!" I waved one last time and drove through the gate, parking right next to where Felix was waiting for me.

"Lizzie! You’re late!" he opened my door for me and I smiled sheepishly at him.

"I’m sorry! I kinda lost all sense of time there…" I grabbed my phone and got out of the car.

"So you saw your little mob of fans waiting for you?" he said and closed the door of my car. I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah! How cute was that? God I love them! How long have they been waiting?"

"I have no idea. A while? But now come on in, we’re really late and have a lot to discuss!"

"Okay?" I said hesitantly, following him through the faculty, he unlocked a large door with his keycard and as soon as it opened a whole bunch of people applauded, Marcus being one of them.

"What is going on here?" I asked surprised.

"Well we wanted to give our race winner a very warm welcome!" Julius Seebach, CEO of Audi Motorsports smiled at me, shaking my hand "We’re all very proud of you, Lizzie! You and Valtteri have been representing us so very well! Right now we’re in P4 in the constructors! Only 8 points behind Mercedes! As a new team! Great job!"

"It wasn’t just me, or Valtteri, it’s this whole team! Every single one here! This is our win!"

"I don’t like sprint races…" I mumbled and Charles laughed.

"I’m not the biggest fan either, but it’s like this."

"Quali on a Friday feels weird." we walked towards the pits as someone shouted my name.

"Lizzie! Oi! Wait for me!" I turned around and Paul came running up to us "Hi! I thought we could walk back together?"

"Umm? Sure?" I said a little confused and Paul smiled at me, looking at Charles.

"I think we haven‘t met yet? I’m Paul. And you are…" he extended his hand towards Charles who shook it once "I’m just kidding! Of course I know who you are, Carlos!"

Charles clenched his jaw and opened his mouth to answer "I’m just messing with you, Charles." Paul laughed and slapped Charles on the shoulder.

"Very funny." Charles pressed out then turned to me "See you after quali? Good luck out there!" he pinched my side gently and I smiled at him.

"She won’t need luck! You Ferrari boys need it!" Paul laughed even louder and Charles looked at him and I thought he was contemplating what he should answer, but he just nodded and walked away.

"What was that?" I looked at Paul who just shrugged his shoulders.

"I’m just messing around. I didn’t know that he was so… so uptight?" Paul laughed and started walking.

"He’s not uptight."

"Okay. Noted. Carlos is the funny one out of the Ferrari guys!"

"What?"

"I had a laugh earlier with Carlos… Charles maybe is just not getting my type of humour…" he held up his hands.

"Well, yeah I didn’t get it either then." I said and walked away.

"Lizzie! Wait!" he grabbed my arm "I’m sorry, okay? I was really just joking! I’ll go and apologise to him?"

"No, it’s okay. But keep this kind of humour to yourself maybe from now on?" I said firmly.

"Promise!" he said and I nodded, walking to JK.

"Can we warm up a little?" I said and walked past him.

"Sure?" JK followed me back outside "What’s going on?"

"Nothing." I grumbled and JK adjusted the rubber bands around my head "All is good."

"Alright. I won’t say anything. But you know…"

"I can talk to you if needed. I know. Thanks."

Qualifying went good, really good, setting the second fastest time in Q1 and the third fastest in Q2. But then came Q3. Or rather the, according to Paul, funny one out of the Ferrari boys.

"Did he just overtake me in the fucking pit lane?"

"Yeah. He did."

"What the fuck? Did he never hear of the Gentleman’s agreement?"

"Apparently not. No."

I drove out on the track, starting my out lap, warming my tyres when Carlos began to drive slower in front. Then accelerated again just to brake again.

"What is he doing? I can’t warm my tyres like that?"

"Just keep going."

"Is someone coming from behind?"

"Hamilton, Max, Perez. Fast laps."

"How far away?"

"Don’t overtake him."

"But…"

"Lizzie. Hamilton behind. Closely followed by Max and then Perez. You can’t overtake before they all passed you."

"Yeah but then I’ll be almost in the last corner. Do I have time for a second out lap?"

"Negative."

"FUCK. Verdammte Scheisse! Sorry!"

"It’s okay."

It wasn’t okay. Far away from okay. Because of Carlos I couldn’t get enough temperature in my tyres and now I had to try and set up the fastest lap with only half warmed tyres. I watched as Carlos in front accelerated again and did the same. Pushing as much as possible as soon as I crossed the line and started my last attempt on a good grid position.

"And that’s P5."

"Ok."

"P1 Max. P2 Charles."

"P3 and 4?"

"Perez and Sainz."

"Awesome." I laughed. What else could I do. At least I wouldn’t have to start on the same side of the track. I could try to overtake him right at the start, before he could try to pull some shit again. I drove back into the pits. Climbed out of my car, congratulated Max, Charles and Checo, then did my weighing. I saw Carlos behind, joking with Lando and gritted my teeth.

"Walk off." Jo Bauer said in German and I looked up "Just walk it off." I nodded and he smiled a little, before the almost stoic look on his face returned. I did what he said and walked back into my garage, where my team waited for me.

"We will talk to the stewards. I’ve never seen a driver impeding another driver during their out lap. But still." Felix said but I shook my head.

"Don’t. I’m not whining and bitching about everything, like he does. It’s okay. I’ll do the talking on track."

"Are you sure?"

"100%."

"Hey Lizzie. You’re starting from P5 in tomorrow’s sprint race. Not the result you hoped for, after a strong Q1 and Q2?" ESPN Spain.

"Yeah. I mean, I had a certain red car in front of me, making my life not the easiest. But it’s okay. P5 is not too bad."

"There was a little squabble between you and Carlos, what happened?"

"What happened was that there is an agreement and someone decided to not give a fuck. And then someone decided to deliberately slow me down during my out lap, so yeah warming the tyres didn’t work out as planned."

"Carlos said it’s a gentleman’s agreement, so it applies only to gentleman’s."

"What?" I was 100% that I misheard it. I had more downs than ups with Carlos. But this? This was a low blow. I swallowed. "I mean, I thought it was an agreement between all drivers. Regardless of their gender."

"What is in for you tomorrow?"

"I don’t know. But as long as I’m in front of car number 55, I’m considering it a win." I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that. But fuck it I was furious.

"Are you out of your mind?" Julie groaned as soon as we left the media pen "Goddamnit Lizzie! You’re giving me a big fat headache and it’s only Friday! For fucks sake!"

"I want to see his interview after our meeting." was the only thing I said and walked off.

I kinda felt like it was a set up. Like the interviewer wanted to rile me up. Carlos wouldn’t say something like that in front of the cameras, right? Except that he indeed said it. I replayed the interview over and over.

"You didn't follow the gentleman's agreement there with Lizzie?"

"Yeah because it's an agreement between gentleman's…" emphasis on the man. And he laughed. Laughed.

"You’re kidding me, right? You did not say that! In front of a camera! You’re not that stupid!" Dad walked into my driver room, looking livid "Lizzie Doetterer! You know that if you just breathe into his direction tomorrow he will whine about it and use this interview against you!"

"Uh-huh… I know. It was a trap. And I was too blind to see it. ESPN Spain. How stupid can someone be?" I groaned and leaned back "I just know that there is a shit storm brewing up on social media."

"Then don’t read it! You have to be careful in the race tomorrow! He’s starting in front of you! Don’t let him make you do anything stupid! Stay calm! Leave him enough space! You know that he’s the first to complain!" Dad sighed and sat down next to me.

"Do you think we can leave? Or does Felix want to have a word with me alone? He was pretty calm and collected during the strategy meeting…" I looked at him and he chuckled.

"No, he said it’s fine. Well not fine. But it’s okay. We can leave." Dad got up and I grabbed my bag "

I turned on the shower and got in, sat down on the floor, hugging my knees up to my chest and laid my head down. The warm water cascading over me. I was tired. Exhausted. But more from the games the media still tried to play with me, than with anything else. The Spanish press has set their target on me. The questions on Thursday. Then today. And I played right into it.

"Good fucking job." I groaned.

"Lizzie?" Charles walked in and looked around, before he spotted me on the floor of the shower "Shit! Are you okay? Did you slip?" he opened the shower door and stepped in.

"I’m okay! I’m just sitting here! I didn’t slip, or trip or fall! I just sat down!" I assured him and Charles nodded.

"Okay! Good." he got up, his clothes soaked.

"Take them off and come in." I smiled up at him and he didn’t need to be asked twice. In an instant he closed the shower door and sat down next to me, lifting me into his lap.

"Hi." he kissed my shoulder, pushing some wet strands of hair out of my face "Why are we sitting in the shower?"

"I was too lazy to stand? I just wanted to sit under the water and relax a little? I know, I know. What a waste of water…" I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck. He chuckled a little and I felt the vibration in his chest.

"We’re saving some water by me taking this shower with you instead of us doing it separately!" Charles stretched his arm out and grabbed my shampoo and conditioner in one go. Before he reached out for my shower gel "Here, let me…" he carefully carded his hands through my hair, entangling them, then squirted some shampoo in his hand and began to gently massage it into my scalp. He worked the shampoo down my lengths and then kissed my forehead before he tried to rinse out the suds "Can you grab the shower head? The stream from the rain shower isn’t strong enough. Perfect. Head back. There you go." He continued his ministrations until all the shampoo was gone, then he worked some conditioner in my hair and bundled them together at the nape of my neck, reading the back of the conditioner bottle "90 seconds… okay. I didn’t see you after quali?"

"Yeah I tried to leave quietly…" I mumbled.

"Hmm. It was a dick move from him. From overtaking in the pit lane, to slowing you down and then saying that shit in his interview…"

"I still shouldn’t have said that! It was a trap! He wanted to get a reaction out of me! And stupid me did just that!"

"You’re not stupid! It was in the heat of the moment and that reporter took full advantage of that!"

"Yeah and I played right into his cards…" I sighed and Charles grabbed my chin, tilting my head up, to look at him.

"Guess what? You’re human? You have emotions and sometimes they’re getting the better of you… don’t worry about it! Please?" he smiled at me, pouting a little and I nodded "Merci, mon amour." he kissed my cheek and grabbed the shower head again, washing the conditioner out.

"You’re next!" I said and grabbed my shampoo, massaging it into Charles’ hair and scalp.

"Mhhh I’ll smell like you." he whispered and his warm breath fanned over my ear, making me shudder. He chuckled a little but let me finish washing his hair, then I used only a couple of drops of conditioner and worked it in his hair "My hair will be just as fluffy and shiny as yours! People will start to wonder why my hair looks this amazing tomorrow!"

"They will ask you what products you’re using." I joked and he laughed.

"My girlfriends… and then they all go crazy, because I’m using women stuff!"

"I think they would go crazy because you dropped the bomb that you’re not single anymore."

"Possible… but nope I think it’s the hair products."

"Idiot."

"Hey!" Charles pinched my side and began to tickle me, holding me tight with his other arm to his body, no matter how hard I tried to wriggle out of his lap "Okay stop…" he let out a breathy groan and I grinned, feeling exactly what was bothering him "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" I pouted a little and he groaned again, grabbing my waist, holding me down to stop me from moving. I felt his hard length press into my thigh and grinned "Seems like you’re having a little problem."

"Little?" he scoffed.

"Big? Huge? Gigantic?"

"Better."

"If it helps you sleep better at night…" I teased but regretted it instantly, his hand dipped in between my legs, my breathing hitched.

"Seems like I’m not the only one who has a little problem, no?" his eyes darkened as I quickly shook my head, trying to gather myself when his next move elicited a soft moan from deep within me. I pulled his face closer, breathing ragged. "Say it." My eyes widened with every flick of his fingers. "Just admit it…"

"You’re not the- the only one…" I breathed out.

"That’s what I thought…"

"Charles…"

"Hmm?"

"Please…"

"I got you, pretty girl."

"Not at all creepy." Charles groaned as he opened his eyes and I chuckled.

"What? In romance books and movies it’s always cute, watching your boyfriend sleep."

"Yeah no. It’s not. So stop."

"So you never watched me sleep?"

"I did."

"And?"

"You’re adorable. Always having a cute smile on your lips, then that smile turns into a thrown and you scrunch up your nose and eyebrows, just to smile again… and your cute, little snores. Adorable!"

"I’m NOT snoring!" I tried to slap his arm but he caught my hand mid flight and pulled me onto him in one swift move.

"Yes you do, just every now and then. And so adorable! It’s the cutest!"

"So, you watch me sleep and it’s adorable? I watch you sleep and it’s creepy?"

"Uh-huh! You got it!" he kissed my cheek, working his way down my jaw before he stopped, eyes widened "Fuck! Lizzie!" he sat us both up, switching the light on "Fuck! Why didn’t you say something?"

"What are you talking about?" I was confused.

"Your jaw! Fuck! I was too rough, I’m so, so sorry!" he looked ashamed and it dawned on me "I grabbed your jaw way too tight! It’s bruising already! Why didn’t you say that I hurt you?"

"Because you didn’t! Okay? Look at me, Charles. That wasn’t you! It’s all good! Look closely! It’s already healing, they’re not fresh! Look here, my wrist as well…" I showed him my wrist and his eyes widened.

"Who did this to you?" his voice dripped with anger and worry.

"Two little monsters… when we were having a tickle fight… sometimes they underestimate their strength a little and the fact that I bruise pretty fast didn’t help! You know how my thighs and arms used to be sprinkled with little bruises from Liam? Him grabbing my arms, or trying to stand in my lap? When he was a little munchkin?" I laughed and Charles took a deep breath.

"Did it hurt?" he tilted my head up a little to look at my jaw "How did that even happen? Were they holding you in a chokehold?"

"No, it didn’t hurt and it was more me grabbing Liam trying to do a wrestling move and him just grabbing onto something to not fall… nothing bad at all, no pain, no nothing!" I reassured him as best as I could.

"Why didn’t I see the bruises before?"

"Make-up? And my wrist? I don’t know?" I shrugged my shoulders and got up.

"Okay… but I think I have to have a word with these little rascals…" he laid back, checking his phone.

"Please don’t, they will feel bad and I really don’t want that! Nothing happened, it didn’t hurt, so we just should keep it like that…"

"You’re right… but Lizzie? If I ever hurt you or be too rough? You’ll say it, right?" he looked at me intently.

"Of course… but I like it… you know…" I smiled suggestively at him and disappeared into the bathroom.

As soon as the door was closed I took a deep breath. Blaming Liam and Benji was so wrong and I felt bad. But it was the only lie I could come up with fast enough and Charles seemed to believe it. At least now I didn’t have to cover it up first things first in the morning. I sighed and began my morning routine, getting ready for the day, when Charles walked in.

"Look at my hair, from now on I’m only using your stuff, cara mia." Charles carded through his fluffy locks and I smiled.

"You look just like a dream, pretty boy. My stuff is your stuff. And now hurry up, we have an eventful day ahead of us!" one last kiss on his cheek and I walked out.

After the free practice I grabbed myself an apple and a bottle of water and met up with Charles to watch Arthur’s sprint race.

"He’s starting from P9?" I asked Charles as we watched the cars line up again after the formation lap.

"Yes. I really hope he has a good race!" Charles said and I nodded along.

"I have a good feeling!"

"Then I trust your feelings!"

We watched with anticipation the race start and how Arthur overtook 2 cars right at the start.

"Good job!" I cheered and Charles next to me clapped excitedly, as we saw the yellow flag being waved, both checking the huge screen in front of us "What happened?"

"There at turn 3, a car stopped… oh safety car." Charles pointed at the screen.

"Oh, as long as it’s not Arthur…" I mumbled and I could see Charles smiling a little.

As soon as the safety car was ending and the race started again we watched how Arthur fought his way to the front lap after lap.

"He’s in P5 now! He can do it! He can make it on the podium!" I jumped up and down.

"Yeah if he stays focused like this!" Charles leaned forward as Arthur breezed past us. He fought hard with his teammate, Bearman, and another driver, Maloney, and the three of them went wide, at the corner exit of turn 3 Bearman and Maloney touched which resulted in the latter to retire and brought out another safety car.

"This race is stressing me out more than our races!" I looked at the screen again, that showed a replay of the incident, Charles pulled me to his side nudging my shoulder a little.

"Don’t stress too much, you have a race of your own later." he chucked as we watched how the safety car came back to the pits.

With 7 more laps to go and Arthur now in P4, his fight with Colapinto for P3 was on. IT was a back and forth but in the final lap Arthur had passed him and due to a lock up from Colapinto managed to gain a little space between them, making him taking the checkered flag in P3. Charles and I jumped excitedly up and down, hugging each other.

"He did it!" we both screamed and we happily made our way to the barriers where Arthur would park his car any moment. Rene Rosin and some of the PREMA crew stood there, waiting for Arthur.

"Lizzie! Charles! Good to see you two!" he hugged as both happily "He did an amazing job! Fantastic! You can be proud of him!"

"He was amazing! What a race!" I said and watched how Arthur parked his car, jumping out, pumping his fists back and forth. As soon as he spotted us at the barriers he ran up to us and Charles hugged him close.

"Amazing race, Arthur!" he said and patted his back before he released him and I hugged him tight.

"Fantastic job, Arthi! We’re so proud of you!"

"Thanks guys!" Arthur said, his voice muffled through his helmet. I let go of him and he hugged his team.

We watched how Arthur got his trophy and cheered the loudest as a reporter from Sky walked up to us.

"Charles, Lizzie. A word to the race and your brother’s result?" he asked.

"It was an exciting race, for sure and we’re proud of Arthur, finishing in P3." Charles smiled wide.

"He did an amazing job, a good race from him. It always feels special watching the F3 and F2 races, knowing that’s where we were a couple of years ago ourselves." I smiled.

"It gives these young drivers maybe even a little hope, seeing F1 drivers watching their race?"

"I mean, if we made it, they can make it as well!" I said and Charles nodded.

"Thank you guys! And good luck in your own sprint race later on!"

We smiled and left, making our way back to the paddock.

Charles POV:

"Charles? Hey?" Andrea pinched my arm and I flinched "Ready to warm up?"

"Yeah…" I watched how JK and Lizzie warmed up for the sprint race, Paul sitting on a table watching them. The way he eyed Lizzie’s every movement. Undressing her practically with his eyes. I hated him.

"Well then?" Andrea sighed and sat down "What is going on with you?"

"What?" I asked, eyes still trained on Paul, who now stood next to Lizzie, his hand on her arm, laughing. Why was he always touching her? Andrea followed my look and chuckled a little.

"You know that she loves you more than anything? You don’t need to be worried!"

"It’s not her I’m worried about… it’s him! I hate him." I groaned and Andrea got up and patted my back.

"Trust her. That’s all you can do. And now come on!"

"Yeah, yeah. You’re right." I sighed, one last look at Lizzie and Paul. Lizzie looked up as if she felt my eyes on her and she smiled at me, that smile that was only meant for me, her eyes sparkling, cheeks slightly pink. God I loved that smile. Loved her.

"Charles? A word?" Mattia waved me over and I put down my helmet.

"Yes?"

"About the race… no more about Lizzie."

"What’s with her?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"You heard what she said yesterday?"

"You heard what Carlos said? Saw what he did?"

"That’s not the point." he rolled his eyes.

"It kinda is." I retorted.

"Charles, she’s mad and we both now her good enough that she can be reckless. So if Carlos manages to overtake Perez and Lizzie manages that as well and is behind Carlos again, we want you to switch positions. To protect Carlos."

"You’re kidding? Right? Lizzie might be reckless, but she’s not stupid? She wouldn’t do something that could potentially end her race as well! And why do I have to give up my position? I’m fighting with Max! I can’t focus on what’s going on behind me!"

"You focus on Max, of course! But if we see that you can’t catch him, then we must protect Carlos, you will switch back positions in the last lap."

"And does he know that, too?" I walked away, grabbing my helmet.

Unbelievable. They really thought that Lizzie would be this stupid? And not just that. They wanted me to give up my position to protect Carlos? As if Lizzie was out for his head?

"Charles? Ready?" Alessandro said and I nodded.

But was I really?

"Stay away from Sainz! You hear me? Stay away. Try to overtake him at the start, right away. Don’t get into any stupid fights!" Dad said and I rolled my eyes "Lizzie!"

"Little one you know he’s right! It’s Sainz! You will just be wheel to wheel and he will whine! They have a solid reason to believe that you’re out for his head!" Felix tried to reason with me.

"I got it, okay? I stay as far away from him as possible!" I groaned and grabbed my helmet, nodding to Matt "Don’t worry! I’m not that stupid!"

Until I was.

After I overtook Carlos at the start, he attacked, aggressively. More than once pushing me off the track. But I didn’t retaliate and now he was in front again. After clipping my front wing.

"Lizzie 9 more laps to go."

"How’s the car?"

"It’s okay."

"He pushed me off! I was in front! Way ahead! And he pushed me!"

"We saw that."

"Is it under investigation ?"

"Not as of now."

"He did that move at least 3 times! And I always backed down!"

"We know."

"Fucking hell."

I was furious. I was keeping my calm. Not fighting back because I knew they would bitch about it in no time. But they’re not even having a look into the last laps incident? He didn’t brake at all, clipped my front wing, still not backing down? I accelerated. If he can drive dirty. I could too. Although I had to do it cleverer. I was at his tail. DRS enabled. I got one last gulp of slipstream and pretended to overtake him from the outside. Just like anticipated he wavered onto the outside as well to block my attack and I braked hard to switch sides, going down the inside. The good old switcheroo. As I was almost ahead he steered into me, forcing me into braking. But not this time. I backed down time and time again. This time I wouldn’t. I pushed the throttle fully through and we went wheel to wheel, I pushed hard and felt the contact, felt how I hit the kerbs hard, felt the car tumbling but was able to keep it on track, forcing him to brake to prevent more damage. I was ahead, speeding away. Fuck yes.

"Gap to Sainz?" I radioed but no answer.

"Gap to Sainz?" I repeated.

"1.8"

"Good." Out of DRS range, 6 more laps to go. I will finish ahead and that would be a P4 I could live with.

"Lizzie. You’ve got a 5 seconds penalty for causing a collision."

"Of fucking course."

Actions have consequences. And here they were. Served in the form of a penalty. After being pushed off the track, getting my front wing clipped. Without whining and bitching. Without my team asking the racing director why his attacks weren’t under investigation.

"Gap?"

"2.1, his front wing is damaged."

"How many laps?"

"5"

"Gap now after every lap."

5 more laps for 3 seconds. I did more back in F2. Full focus now. Hitting the apex of every corner perfectly. Late braking. Using the kerbs. It was possible.

"3.5"

4 more laps for 1.5 seconds. Easy. Done.

"3.9. Perez ahead 1.2"

3 more laps for 1.1 seconds. I could maybe even get into the DRS range of Checo.

"4.2. Perez 1."

2 more laps for 0.8 seconds. And I was almost in Checo’s DRS range.

"4.5. DRS Perez."

Bingo. Last lap. I used Checo’s slipstream, pushed as hard as I could. Made it in front of him, taking the checkered flag.

"Gap to Sainz, 5.1 seconds. You did it Lizzie. That’s P4. Wonderful job!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"5 seconds penalty but still managed to stay ahead of Carlos, good job!" Timo Glock said as I went to have a little talk with Sky Germany after the sprint race.

"Yeah well, I tried my hardest to gain that position." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Why didn’t your team complain earlier to the stewards? He pushed you off 3 times?" Peter Hardenacke asked.

"I don’t need them to sort out my race. And apparently they didn’t want to do it anyways. So why cry about it?"

"Ferrari asked immediately after the fourth contact…"

"Yeah if they need to do that? If their driver can’t pass me without help? Let them. I was backing down 3 freaking times, got pushed off the track, had also a damaged front wing. But I was beating him fair and square. And like you said I managed to make up one position although I had a penalty. Good day in my books."

"Good day indeed! Good luck for tomorrow!" Timo said and I smiled.

"Thanks guys! See you!" I handed them my microphone and walked back into our hospitality.

"I’m proud of you!" Dad sat in the lounge scrolling through his iPad "You didn’t say anything too controversial. Oh what is that look… Lizzie?"

"I might’ve been a little petty when talking to Sky Germany. Nothing too bad. I promise."

"You’re giving me a heart attack one day!"

"Oh come on papa bear! You can handle it!" I laughed as Pete walked in "Quick debrief?"

"No. You’re summoned by the stewards." he said and I stopped laughing immediately.

"What for? They already gave me a penalty during the race?"

"I don’t know. Felix is already waiting."

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." Charles gentle voice coaxed me out of my slumber and I turned around, cuddling into him "I didn’t hear you coming back last night?"

"The meeting took forever and then I…" I stopped and sighed.

"And then you what?" he began to draw figure eights on my waist but I shook my head.

"I sat at the track for a while."

"Alone? At night?"

"Yeah. I wanted to get a clear head."

"Carlos? The FIA?"

"Everything. The last weeks were… a lot. That article. Hans death. Silverstone. Now this."

"We’re almost done with the first half of the season, mon amour. Then we’ll have summer break. Time to relax. Recharge the batteries. Time for us."

"I haven’t even thought about the summer break to be honest."

"But I have. The first week it’s all of the family together. The second week it’s us and our friends and the last week? Time for us. It’s all already planned, you don’t have to worry at all."

"You already planned it all?"

"I hope that’s okay?" he sounded unsure and I tilted my head up, looking at him.

"It’s perfect. You’re perfect." he kissed my head and checked the time.

"As much as I would love to stay here forever like this, we have a race to attend. So come on now, pretty girl. Shower, breakfast and let’s go."

"Lizzie?" Dad peaked inside and I looked up.

"Yeah?" I bent down again, lacing up my sneakers.

"Did Felix already tell you that there are some VIP guests here?" he asked and I sighed a little, getting up and checking myself in the mirror.

"Yup, he did. That’s why I applied make-up as you can see and why I took care that my braids look good… don’t worry, I’ll woo them." I rolled my eyes, grabbing my team hoodie and pulling it over my head, careful not to mess up my hair.

"What?" Dad looked confused.

"I mean, VIP guests? I thought I should look my best, represent Audi the best as possible?" I said and grabbed my phone and sunglasses "So I’m wearing the Audi sneakers, team hoodie, the Audi sunglasses, would there be an Audi jeans, I would wear it."

"Okay… I mean, you don’t look different then on any other race day but… anyways, let’s go." he chuckled a little and I followed him, good to know that all my efforts where for nothing apparently.

As we walked into the garage I saw JK and Sissy talking to a man and a woman, whose backs were facing me, I looked around, but couldn’t see Liam anywhere.

"Pops? Where is Liam?" I asked and he looked around.

"Ahhh! There she is! Lizzie, come over here!" Sissy said and I walked over to her as the two people she was talking to turned around and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Hi Lizzie! It’s so good to see you again!" Susi Maier smiled at me and her husband, Marco, did the same. I was at a loss of words when someone hugged my waist and I looked down.

"Lizziiiiiieeee!" Luka had the biggest smile on his face and I felt tears stinging in my eyes, I bent down and picked him up. Held him tight to my chest. The images of him shellshocked on the street, the fear in his eyes when I tried to shield him off, his faint whimper when we came to a halt on the grass, the tears streaming down his face when he lifted his head up. It all came back.

"Luka? Wh- what are you doing here?" I asked and watched how his parents, Sissy and JK smiled at us.

"Your Dad called and asked if we want to come here, finally see you race in F1… of course we had to say yes!" Marco said and I nodded slowly.

"This is… the best surprise ever! Thank you guys so much for coming!" I sat Luka down, wiping the tears from my face. My heart was racing and I felt hot. Too hot.

"I thought you could show them around a little? Show them your car? I’m sure Luka would love to have a seat in it, right?" Dad said from behind me.

"Can I really sit in your car?" Luka asked with big eyes and I nodded, still trying to calm myself down a little.

"It’s so cool sitting in there!" Liam said as he walked in with Charles, sporting his all consuming smile, shaking hands with Susi and Marco, introducing himself.

"I’m so happy to meet you!" he said and Susi blushed a little, something her husband acknowledged, and gently put an arm around her waist.

"Is it allowed that a driver of another team enters the garage?" Marco asked, sounding really curious.

"Well, Charles is the only exception!" Felix answered as he walked up to us, patting Charles back. He looked at me intently and I knew that he could sense how overwhelmed I was, although I was trying to hide it. He walked over to me, gently cupping my cheeks and wiping away the last of my tears.

"Are you okay?" he whispered and I nodded slowly "If you need a moment?"

"I’m okay. It’s just… a lot. But a positive lot!" I smiled and he nodded, kissing my forehead "Careful, where not alone."

"I don’t care, not right now." he smiled a little and then stepped aside "If you need me, call, text, scream, whatever. I’ll be here! Okay?"

"Okay… thanks, really!" he only nodded again and walked away, not before ruffling Liams hair when passing him.

"So! Who wants to sit in my car?" I asked and Luka jumped up excitedly.

"Me! Me! Me!" he screeched and Liam tapped his shoulder and they ran off to my car.

I waved to the crowd when the flatbed was making his way around the track, watching how between all the orange here and there a Germany flag was waved. I watched how Charles got interviewed and had to smile at how he was so enthralled in talking about the upcoming race. His passion and love for racing was one of the many things I admired at him. The way his eyes lit up when asked about how he’ll manage to overtake Max and win the race. The way that fire in him brought out his raw competitiveness. I was so engrossed, listening to him that Seb had to wave his hand in front of my face. I blinked confused and looked at him.

"Earth to Lizzie… are you there?" he laughed and I shook my head.

"I’m sorry! I was lost in my thoughts…" I said and he cocked his eyebrows, turning slightly to look at Charles.

"Lost in the pretty boy, you mean…"

"Yeah… I mean look at him? You can’t blame me…" I chuckled and he nodded.

"So, the kid running around with Liam? He’s the one…" Seb began and I nodded "Is it the first time you saw him after?"

"Kinda… they came by when I was in the hospital. But then they moved to Australia, where Marco had a new job. We texted every now and then… then they moved back home and with me racing now in F1, there was just not enough time I guess?" I explained and he scratched his beard.

"Nice that they’re here, supporting you. The kid and Liam seem to get along pretty well?"

"Yeah, which is weird? Liam is… well he’s a bit difficult when it comes to other kids? But him and Luka?" I smiled. It was true. Finding new friends was never easy for Liam. Being way too hyperactive, but also very sensitive, other kids mostly ended up being deemed no friends. Seeing him getting along with Luka that well, really made me happy.

"Pretty girl? What are you thinking of?" Charles whispered into my ear and I flinched a little "Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!"

"It’s okay, I was thinking about Liam and Luka because Seb… where is Seb?" I looked around, Seb now getting interviewed, looking at me and laughing a little.

"You’re a little out of it today? I mean after…" he began and I just nodded "It’s okay. You can’t always have everything under control."

"When do I ever have anything under control?" I sighed and he chuckled.

"Lizzie, another podium today for you, it’s your fifth podium in your eleventh race, you had a pretty good first half of a season for a rookie. How does that feel?"

"Fifth? Umm- okay. How does it feel? Unreal? Unbelievable? I honestly have no words for how amazing this season is going… the team works so hard for Valtteri and me, hours and hours of hard work in the factory. Everyone here at the track from the logistics guys, to the mechanics, engineers, media guys, strategists, god the amazing caterers! Everyone works so incredibly hard! I’m just more than proud to be a part of this team! I will be forever thankful for the opportunity, the trust, Felix and the whole Audi team gave me… so yeah, that’s how it feels. Fucking amazing!" I said and Charles smiled at me, eyes bright, after his fifth win today.

"Matthias Bircher, from Auto, Motor, Sport. Question for Lizzie, you’ve been penalised and fined by the FIA yesterday, once for the collusion with Carlos during the sprint race and then for your interview after quali on Friday. Do you think these punishments were justified? You didn’t seem to care much about it?"

"I honestly think it’s ridiculous. I’m getting fined for being mad about the very sexist comment of another driver, doesn’t matter if he said it as a joke, in that moment it wasn’t one, while he’s not being fined? Then I get a penalty for having the upper hand while overtaking? Whereas he pushed me off track 3 times before, clipping my front wing? Without a penalty? And then reporting back to the stewards that I deliberately crashed into their driver, because I said it beforehand that I would target him? When did I say that? So no, I don’t think any of that was justified, but you were right. I didn’t care much for it."

"Laura Killigan, motosport.se . Question for Charles and Max. What do you think about the penalties? Do you think they were deserved?"

"No. They weren’t deserved. I understand why Lizzie said what she said? Not just that it was a low blow, even if it only was meant as a joke, it was also something that happened at quali. He overtook her in the pit lane and then kinda impeded her on her final out lap. I totally understand that Lizzie was furious! So if you want to fine her, then Carlos should be fined as well. As for the sprint race, I saw the replay and must say I wouldn’t give a penalty for any of the incidents? But if Lizzie get’s one, Carlos again should’ve been penalised as well. They were both fighting hard." Max said and looked at me.

"I think Max said everything there is to be said. Punish both or no one. The way it was handled was unfair." Charles put his microphone down and tilted his head in my direction.

"No more questions? Alright, that’s it. See you all in two weeks at Paul Ricard. Thank you!" Tom Clarkson ended the press conference and I jumped up.

"Will you guys make use of your right to appeal the decisions?" Max asked when we walked back and I shook my head.

"Nope. We’re not doing that. I don’t want this farce going on longer then needed. It’s 10.000,- Euro and 2 penalty points. We accept it and it’s done."

"But it’s unfair. Ca- umm Lizzie! You really should appeal!" Charles said, clearing his throat at his almost slip up.

"I understand you, it’s annoying and takes up time you could use otherwise." Max shrugged his shoulders and I nodded.

"Exactly!" I groaned and Max hugged me as we stopped in front of Red Bull.

"Chin up and don’t care. You let your results speak for yourself." he gave Charles a little pat on the shoulder and was gone.

"I’m sorry that Ferrari were behaving like… well yeah like that." Charles mumbled a little and I bumped my shoulder into his.

"It’s not your fault. I finished ahead of Carlos in both races. That’s a win in my book. Now cheer up a little. We’re having a little celebration tonight." I smiled at him and he nodded, hugging me tight.

"I really can’t wait for tonight… especially if you wear that little, black dress I’ve seen in your suitcase… you’ll look gorgeous!" he whispered in my ear and I blushed a little "See you later, cara mia."

The whole drive from Neuburg back home I only had one thing on my mind: Netflix. A three part mini series. Drive to Survive Originals: The story of Lizzie Doetterer. I honestly had no idea what to think about it. They wanted to highlight my way from karting over Formula Regional, to GP3, F2, then to WSeries and finally into F1. How hard it was as a girl coming this far. The challenges I had to face. But they also wanted to see my private life, past and present. How could I provide that? There was already enough of my private life splattered out for the world to see. What were the boundaries? Did I have a say in what was filmed? What would make the Final Cut? I had the words of the Netflix representative in my head "Think about the money." I never really cared for the money? Why would I now? Mum, Dad and Rita handled all my money related business. I was deep in thoughts when Charles called.

"Hey pretty boy."

"Hi cara mia, you sound exhausted?"

"Tough days. I’m just happy to go home now." I sighed a little.

"Oh I know that sigh. What’s going on?"

"Netflix."

"Netflix?"

"Netflix!"

"Cara mia I need more than that?"

"Drive to Survive Originals: The story of Lizzie Doetterer. A three part mini series."

"Sounds amazing. I would binge it." Charles chuckled.

"The motorsport side of it? Yeah… but the “who is Lizzie Doetterer outside of racing? The person behind the lid?”- side of the story? I don’t know."

"So it’s not entirely about racing?"

"No. They want to show parts of my private life. Show me as an approachable, young woman. Who was oppressed half her life by male competitors. How it affected me as a person. How it affected my family and friends… they even want you and Pierre in it… because of our karting past!"

"Max?"

"He said a long time ago fuck off to them, so I guess no."

"Will you do it?"

"I don’t know. I don’t want to reveal the last remaining private parts of my life to Netflix and therefore the world…"

"Understandable. But the other aspect would be good. For every young girl with a love and passion for motorsport."

"Jeez! Rub salt in the wound…"

"Sorry, cara mia. I just think you maybe have to talk to them? How much of your private life they want to show. And how much power over the content they’ll show in the end you’ll be having?"

"Yeah, maybe you’re right. I’ll have a talk with Julie. Thanks… you really helped me."

"Always. So where are you right now?"

"Around 30 minutes away from home."

"You’ll be going with Liam tomorrow to that father-son-thing?"

"Well as far as I know, yes. He said it’s okay if I want to come. But I don’t have to. When I said I was excited he seemed to be a little happy. But Sissy texted me an hour ago that there were kids laughing at him because he’s taking me, his aunt, not even an uncle, instead of his dad… so yeah. I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what’s his mood tomorrow."

"Why are kids so mean?"

"No idea. I just know that if he really doesn’t want to go tomorrow, because I’m a girl, I definitely won’t be mad at him… because that’s what he said to Sissy. He only said yes to me because he didn’t want me to feel bad… and now? I don’t know. I want him to go there tomorrow, head held high. Smile on his face with a proud attitude that he can have fun with everyone. But also I just want to stay at home with him and cuddle him and tell him it’s okay to stay at home if he doesn’t want to go with me, his aunt, a girl, to a field trip with only boys/men…"

"Tough. I’m really sorry. I wish I could do something."

"I think no one of us can."

"That sucks."

"You don’t say?"

"I don’t want to hang up, but Sylvia is giving me her evil look. I think they’ll need me."

"Alright. Call me when you’ve got time. Love you."

"I love you more."

I sat at the kitchen island, waiting for Sissy and Liam, as she walked into the kitchen, sighing.

"He’s definitely not coming out of his room…" she said and sat down next to me.

"What the hell did these kids say to him?" I asked and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I don’t know. He just said he doesn’t want to go anymore…" she looked defeated "I hate him, he doesn’t care for his son! He was suing me, trying to get his name on the birth certificate, Liam having his last name? For what? What if the court would granted him all his demands? He would’ve still fucked everything up and not be here for him! And now Liam refuses to go to this trip because it’s a father and son day! Whose idea was that? How insensitive are they?" I could see the tears prickling in her eyes and hugged her "There will be so many situations where he needs a dad, but he only has me!"

"We’ll manage it. He has all of us." I said and got up "And now I’ll get him so we can all be upset together." I left and walked up into their loft. "Bubba? Can I come in?"

"I’m not going on the trip!" he whispered, his voice hoarse.

"That’s okay, but can you come downstairs? We’re upset, you’re upset, let’s all be upset together? And maybe have some ice cream for breakfast?" I said and he looked up. Jackpot. "Come on, ice cream and movies?"

"Okay…" he nodded and took my hand and together we walked downstairs.

"Hey my baby boy… everything ok now?" Sissy asked him gently and he shrugged his shoulders.

"We’re having ice cream for breakfast!" he said and my sister looked at me with wide eyes "And we’re watching movies!"

"Umm yeah, sure…" she replied and I just grinned apologetically as I heard a car approaching, one look out of the kitchen window and my heart skipped a beat. I heard the car door closing and just a moment later Charles walked into the kitchen.

"Sorry that I’m late, but I had to stop at the petrol station. Ready, Bubba?" he said a little out of breath and Liam jumped into his arms.

"You’re coming with me? Really?" he asked and Charles nodded.

"Of course! Now come on! Get dressed!" he sat Liam down who sprinted away.

"You’re here?" Sissy asked with a thin voice, tears in her eyes.

"I‘m here!" Charles answered smiling at her and Sissy hugged him.

"Thank you, Charles! You have no idea what that means to me! No, what it means to him!" she whispered.

"I will always try to be here for him, no matter what!" he smiled and looked at me and I had to do my best to not cry.

"I’ll help him, we’ll be back in a minute!" Sissy said and followed Liam upstairs.

"Hey, cara mia." he whispered and pulled me into his arms, a gentle kiss on my lips.

"Thank you!" I just whispered and he hugged me tighter.

"Everything for you…" he said and I could hear Liam approaching.

"Did you see how high the platforms are, Charlie? That’s going to be so scary! But so cool!" he was the happiest little kid all of a sudden again, all because of Charles. With one last hug for all of us the two boys left and I waved them goodbye at the door, Charles smiling at me. How could someone be this perfect?

For the next 2 days straight we heard story after story of how great the high ropes course was. Liam was smiling that much, I was almost afraid he would be in pain by now.

"And then at the last platform, it’s the highest of all of them, you can decide if you want to be lowered down, or roping down or, and that’s only for the toughest ones they said, if you want to jump! And then it’s like free fall for a couple of metres before there is some kind of brake at the harness that you’re wearing! And guess what! They were all too scared! No one did it! But Charlie and I we were brave enough!" Liam beamed.

"Oh wow! That sounds so cool! Next time I want to join in!" I said and he nodded.

"We can all go! Maybe Omi and Pops not? They’re a little old…" he whispered the last part and Charles had to laugh.

"I heard that!" Dad shouted from the barbecue and Liam giggled a little.

"Ooopsie!" he jumped out of my lap and disappeared inside.

"You made him the happiest, coming here and going on that field trip with him!" Dad said as he sat down next to us.

"I needed it as well. A little break away from…" Charles began but then shook his head.

"What’s going on at the Scuderia?" Dad asked and I looked up from my book.

"The usual. Nothing to concerning."

"They were giving you a hard time… because of Austria?" I said and he nodded a little.

"They weren’t the happiest that I didn’t had Ferrari’s back when it came to your penalties… but I said that it was unfair what the FIA was doing. They kinda accepted it." he shrugged his shoulder and I sighed.

It hurt that Ferrari was turning into some kind of enemy. They were still the team my heart belonged to, the team that awakened my love for Formula 1. The team I celebrated big triumphs with. But more and more they turned into more than just a competitor. The rivalry between Carlos and I was topic number one in all F1 related blogs, podcasts and so on, over the past week. But it wasn’t just Carlos who agitated me. No it was Ferrari’s treatment of Charles. More so Mattia Binotto’s treatment of Charles. The strategy blunders? The unreliable car. Just too many mistakes, screwing Charles over more than once.

"Lizzie?" Charles threw a grape at me and I looked up "Where were you again?"

"Sansibar." I chuckled and he cocked an eyebrow "I was just thinking about… umm…"

"Netflix?"

"Netflix! I guess I really will have a talk with Julie…"

"What does Netflix want from you?" Dad chimed in and I realised that I forgot to tell my family about it. Charles was happy to fill him and Mum and Sissy who joined us outside in.

"That sounds amazing! Think about the millions of people you could reach? They all will know then how hard it was for you to make it into F1!" Sissy said.

"It would mean a lot to every girl who’s interested in motorsports out there." Mum agreed.

"But they want to film my private life as well? Imagine we’re sitting here. Having a conversation like this and there is a camera crew? It’s like the Kardashian’s thing? Am I supposed to sit here, eat a salad and talk about I don’t know what? While being filmed?" I really wasn’t sure about it.

"I would like to think we’re a little more interesting than the Kardashians…" Dad said and I had to laugh "Whoever they are."

"Funny guy." I groaned as Liam ran out of the house, handing Dad the phone.

"Someone for you. He said he’s a lawyer."

"Okay? Thanks Bubba." Dad got up and walked away.

"A lawyer?" Charles looked at me but I had no idea what’s going on, so I looked at Mum.

"Don’t look at me! I have no idea…" she held her hands up and I watched Dad closely. He talked for another 5 minutes until he hung up and came back.

"What’s going on?" I said as soon as he sat down.

"That was Hans‘ lawyer. The testament was opened and now they’re needing us to accept our share." he said and I gulped "We have an appointment tomorrow."

"Great." was all I could say, Charles took my hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"It’s in the morning, so you guys can leave as planned tomorrow night." Dad said and Charles nodded.

"You’re awfully quiet, cara mia?" Charles asked after we’ve driven for almost 3 hours.

"Hans was a freaking multi millionaire!" I exclaimed and he looked at me "Seriously. He set up trust funds for his two grandkids, really generous ones, then a large amount for his son. And the rest of his private fortune… well I get it. And then of course the karting track and all the business accounts? It’s a freaking lot! I spoke with Dad, we’re not selling the karting track. We keep it and he will take over the academy. Hans had a bunch of new ideas for the track and the academy and Dad will take care of it."

"But that sounds good, no? You don’t seem to be too happy about it?"

"I mean… Dad already sacrificed so much for me, he was only working part time to support me and travel with me. Now the academy? I don’t want him to feel obligated to do it?"

"Did you tell him that?"

"Yeah…"

"And?"

"He said he would quit his job and focus on the karting track 100%. Realise all of Hans’ plans for a complete renovation and modernisation of the track…"

"But that’s a good thing? If he wants to do that?"

"It is. It’s just… he will have all the work, all the pressure, all the stress! And still will try to be at as many races as possible! I’m just afraid it’s getting all too much for him…"

"Hmm. He just loves watching you race. But yeah maybe he should split his time then a little?"

"Can you tell him that? Because when I did, he just rolled his eyes and said he’ll be fine…"

"You want me to tell Pops what to do? Hell no."

"You’re a scaredy-cat!"

"I’m not, I just know that he won’t listen anyway."

"Maybe I could ask Mum to talk to him?"

"Sounds like a plan."

We continued our drive in silence and I slowly drifted off every now and then, although trying my best to stay awake.

"You can sleep, cara mia. I’m fine." Charles chuckled after I flinched again, gently slapping my cheeks to stay awake.

"No! I’m not sleeping when you have to drive! I’m awake!" I mumbled and yawned.

"Driving from Maranello to Ludwigsburg and then all the way back to Monaco really isn’t the best of ideas."

"You did it couple of times before."

"I know. And it was always when I had decided spontaneously to come. I wouldn’t plan it intentionally."

"Me neither."

I connected my phone to the car and Charles groaned a little.

"I want to stay awake and for that I need to sing… so come on, let your inner Swiftie out."

"There is no inner Swiftie."

"Oh please."

The next 2 hours were filled with me singing along to Taylor Swift and Charles driving, with a content smile on his face.

"You know what? I have an inner Swiftie in me, but only for you singing the songs."

"Oh come on."

"No I’m serious, I’ve told you this before and you never believe me. But I really love hearing you sing, anything, not just Taylor Swift."

"Charles, it’s sweet of you, but yeah no, I’m not a good singer."

"Let’s agree that we disagree on that one."

"Whatever." I looked outside, the sun beginning to rise around us "If you need to switch, I could drive for a bit?"

"I’m fine, but thank you."

"Do we have anything planned for today or tomorrow?"

"Nope. Relax, a little work outs here and there. And on Thursday we’re driving to Le Castellet."

"Alrighty. Two days doing nothing? Sounds too good to be true."

"We could take the boat tomorrow? One last little cruise."

"What do you mean?"

"What?"

"You said one last cruise?"

"I did?"

"Don’t try to play it down! What do you mean? Did you sell Monza?"

"Okay, this was supposed to be a surprise… I sold it, wait, and bought a new one. A bigger one… I called it Sedici and it’s currently being customised, it should be done by the end of this month…"

"Wait! When we just out of fun looked through the different interior designs of yachts and you asked about my opinion, that was not just out of fun, was it?"

"I might took in some of your ideas… and by that I mean most of your ideas…"

"Charles! Why a bigger one? Wait? How much bigger?"

"Just a little… and I thought that we could all hang out more together on the water… especially during the summer break…"

"Has this something to do with your mysterious plans for the summer break you’re not telling me about?"

"Maybe."

"Okay, keep your secrets. But yeah. We could take the boat tomorrow, have a little day out on the water, it’s been a while."

"Perfect."

"Hi Lizzie, yesterday in FP1 you had some problems to get the car in the right set up, in FP2 you couldn’t drive. Now P7 in qualifying. Not too bad after the problems you had?" Karun Chandhok from SkyUK asked.

"Yeah FP1 was just not it, im the car felt stiff and oversteery, so yeah it was tough and then we had the issues with our electric in FP2. And yeah FP3 wasn’t much better. But yeah P7 is okay. I can manage I guess."

"What do you think is possible tomorrow?"

"The track is not really suitable for our car, on paper at least, so yeah, we’ll see. But P7 is a good position, to maybe make up one or two positions."

"Carlos will start in P5 in front of you tomorrow, have you guys talked about last weekend? Will we see a fair battle?"

"We haven’t talked, for me there is nothing to say. I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to race, to win. I let my results speak for myself. And I will drive the same way I did last weekend.”

"Thank you Lizzie and good luck!"

"And that’s P6. Good race, little one" Pete radioed and I sighed.

"I tried."

"You did good."

"Valtteri?"

"P4."

"Awesome!"

I drove into the pit lane and parked my car behind Checo and got out of the car. I waited for Pierre and he pulled me into his side, walking towards the weighing.

"He’ll be a mess." Pierre said in hushed French and I nodded.

"I still don’t understand what happened? He lost the rear?"

"Yeah, let’s just hope it was the car…"

"And not his mistake? You’re right. He would be devastated…"

As I got my receipt I congratulated Max, Lewis and George.

"Hey Finnisher! Good race!" I hugged Valtteri and he patted my back.

"You too, little one! Thanks for opening up that door for me…" he chuckled a little and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah we went both a little off there." I shrugged my shoulders.

We walked back into our garage and I passed an awaiting JK my helmet, taking my bottle from him.

"What happened?" I looked at him.

"It wasn’t your fault, I mean you two touched a few times over the course of the race, yeah more or less within the rules, but nothing major. Nothing big. He hit a kerb pretty hard and then had an issue with his floor, that’s why he had to retire. You weren’t involved."

"What? No, not Carlos. Charles?"

"Oh… umm he lost the rear."

"No shit Sherlock! How?"

"Driver error."

"Fuck! Did you see him?"

"Only for a moment. He’s okay…"

"No he’s not. Can you stall Julie for a bit? I just want to see him. Couple of minutes only."

"Stall her? Julie? Stall Julie? How? She’s a menace!"

"I don’t know, flirt with her?"

"She’s married. I have a girlfriend."

"Tell her… tell her I’m having a shit."

"Sure Lizzie Räikkönen!"

"I don’t care what you tell her, just- just stall her okay?

"I’ll try my best…"

"Thanks, you’re the best!"

"Go now!"

I sprinted away, behind the garages, until I was at Ferrari. I couldn’t just walk in obviously, like Charles could into the Audi garage, so I had to wait for someone to come out. One of the mechanics I knew noticed me an I waved him over.

"Hey Lizzie, how are you?" Mauro asked and I smiled my most charming smile.

"I’m good! I just wanted to check on Charles? Can you maybe get him for me?"

"Oh, yeah sure! I’ll go and have a look!"

"Thank you so much!" he smiled and left.

As I stood at the side I saw Carlos Sainz sr. leave the garage, looking at me.

"Hola Señor Sainz." I nodded at him and he gritted his teeth slightly.

"Doetterer." he replied and walked off.

"Nice to see you too." I chuckled a little and looked back into the garage, where Mauro was talking to my favourite red head, who shook her head, walking straight to me.

"Lizzie." Sylvia said, awfully sweet.

"Sylvia." I replied, even sweeter.

"Charles can’t come. We have our debrief now, since both our drivers had to retire, we start a little earlier. You can see him later." her words were final and she left.

"And also nice to see you too." I sighed and walked back to my garage as a mad looking Julie already waited for me.

"Did you see your lover boy? Can we go now?" she chided and I nodded.

"I haven’t seen my lover boy, but yes we can go, my lovely Julie!" I smiled and she grabbed my arm.

"Come on now, and Lizzie? Please! Don’t be petty, or happy or malicious about Carlos' DNF, okay?" she urged me and I nodded.

"Got it."

"Tough race? Some hard battles there with Carlos? Just like yesterday in the Sprint race?"

"Yeah, we raced hard but fair. Touched here and there, but still all within the regulations. It was a fun battle."

"You were able to put some distance between Carlos before you had a little lock-up?"

"Yeah, that was my mistake. I was a little too greedy I guess. He came close again and we had another intense battle."

"But then Carlos went off. Without your input."

"Yeah I didn’t see him going off, he was gone and my race engineer told me then that he’s out."

"Overall a good weekend for you? Yesterday P4. Today P6. You said as long as you’re in front of car 55 it’s a win for you."

"I shouldn’t have said that in the first place, but yeah. Like I said, I let my results speak for myself."

"Any final words after this weekend?"

"I always was a huge fan of karma…" I had to. I couldn’t hold back. With a big smile I left, Julie next to me just shaking her head.

"I hate you." was all she said and I laughed.

"You love me."

As I walked out, I saw Charles leaning against his Pista, eyes hidden behind his Ray Bans, head hung low.

"Hey…" I said and he looked up.

"You ready to go?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Yup." I answered and he opened the door for me "Thanks." he smiled faintly, closed the door and walked around the car.

As he got in, he started the engine and drove off of the parking lot, where loads of fans were gathered. Security holding them back, only on the right side the fans could approach the car and as they were all screaming for Charles, he sighed. I opened the window and the screaming got louder, I looked for a sharpie in my bag, grabbed some of the things they were shoving at us and handed them Charles to sign.

"We love you, Charles!"

"You’ll come back stronger!"

"Daghe Charles!"

"We believe in you!"

Nothing of it changed Charles emotionless face, he just signed the stuff and handed it to me, some fans were asking for my signature as well and I happily obliged to them. After 5 minutes the security guys waved at us and Charles nodded, he leaned a bit over and thanked the fans, I waved them goodbye, then he drove off.

The first 30 minutes we sat in silence. Charles right hand on the steering wheel, left arm on the window frame. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Okay, let’s talk about it…" I began, but he shook his head.

"I’d rather not." he said and I looked at him.

"Yeah well, you don’t always get what you want. So, what happened?" I said and Charles gripped the steering wheel with both hands tight "We have more than an hour to drive left and I don’t want this to be a monologue! So? Tell me, what happened?”

"I lost the rear, haven’t you seen it? I pushed too hard, wanted too much, lost the rear and the championship, all because I am stupid…" he said and I waited for more, but Charles stayed silent.

"Okay, so you wanted to win so badly, that you gave it your all, pushed the car too much and then lost the rear?" I asked and Charles groaned but nodded "Okay."

"Okay? That’s all you have to say? Okay?" he asked and looked at me for a second.

"What else do you want me to say?" I looked at him.

"You could say that I’m stupid, that I keep making mistake, after mistake, that I will never be a world champion because I’m not consistent enough, you could say that I’m just not good enough for Formula 1…" he begann but I scoffed "What?"

"No, go on, I’m sure you have a lot of other very nice things to say about yourself…" I looked out the window and we kept on driving in silence, the sky turning darker with every Kilometer that we got closer to Monaco.

"I’m just making too many mistakes, I can’t handle the pressure, Max doesn’t make mistakes like this, he’s consistent…" Charles said after a while.

"Charles, that’s not…" I began but he shook his head.

"No, Lizzie, it’s true, Max doesn’t make mistakes, he…" Charles began.

"But you’re not fucking Max Verstappen! You’re Charles Leclerc, who made a mistake today, a mistake that costed you a lot, but it did not cost you the championship! Goddamnit, Charles! Yes, today was your mistake. 100%. But you own up to it! You know you made a mistake. But the reason why you make these mistakes are not because you’re not good enough, or not consistent enough, or that you can’t handle the pressure. The reason you keep making these mistakes is that for some strange reason you still think that you have to prove yourself, you still think you have to show that you truly deserve your seat and that your good enough and that you think you have to be better to make your dad and Jules proud, and that lack of confidence in your abilities, paired with the insecurities you’re team is giving you by fucking you over every other race… yeah well, we saw what happened." I said and Charles didn’t reply, he just kept driving "You know what is good though? This is something you can change, something you can work on."

"And how? How do I stop making these mistakes?" he asked.

"Really simple, stop thinking too much about all this bullshit. Drive. Focus on what you’re best at. Believe in yourself. Push yourself to the limit but not above. Drive with the passion that brought you here all those years ago. Don’t do it for anyone else but yourself! And for fucks sake, Charles, start to be confident in your own abilities!" I said and he smiled a little. He reached his hand out and laid it on my thigh, gently rubbing it.

"Maybe you’re right, but still. Today was just… god I was so close…" he sighed.

"Oh pretty boy, the season is not over yet!" I smiled.

As we parked the car Charles switched the engine off and looked at me for a moment.

"God, I love you so much!" he said and launched at me, kissing me fiercely, igniting a fire running through my veins.

"Come on now, pretty boy. I’m hungry and tired!" I unbuckled my seat and Charles was already out of the car, opening the door for me, holding out his hand to help me out.

"And they say chivalry is dead."

"Not when it comes to you, mon amour."

Little Note:

Chapter 21 - there’s a rivalry blossoming 😬 (no hate towards Carlos, he just really makes a great antagonist).

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @glitterf1 @janeholt3 @maeve-wileyy @18754389 @queensassybitchsworld @chiliwhore

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).

[askstevella]

Steve & The Body Pillow // Stevella Fic

- Steve Rogers x Wife!OC

As of late Stella has been obsessed with her new Instagram account since she started posting pictures on there. She wasn’t much of a social media person but currently posting on her story and sharing pictures has become her favorite thing after noticing a couple of their friends do it.

Meanwhile Steve is not.

He could care less about social media platforms. However, he does use them for plenty of reasons himself such as posting pictures of events he’s at, announcements about things like getting a dog or building something for himself and videos of his friends and family members.

Of course he found it nice that his wife wanted to showcase her life on the internet and know what others are up to.

He liked it and told her if he liked a photo or not in her comment section with a remark about it.

One day he decided to have a little fun with his wife’s new tendency toward her phone.

After a long day of working, taking Astro for a walk with the family and helping their friends with dinner, Stella wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with her husband.

As her head hit the pillow, she lets out a content sigh. She smiles to herself and cozies up under the blankets.

Steve joins her a few minutes later and so does an obnoxiously large pillow. Stella has seen a couple versions of that pillow being past around the gang plenty of times before. Steve insisted it could help with his sleep and seeing how popular it was with blogs posts he saw in the group chat with the heroes.

Mia got it for Rochelle who later on gave it to Liane then it pasted onto Rick and so forth. Soon enough everyone was using it to sleep!

It got to a point where they had to buy a couple hundred more of the damn pillow.

Here Stella was staring at the thing. She didn’t think it would end up taking up half of the bed and keeping Steve away from her. She’s been so used to cuddling Steve for years, and now that damn pillow was preventing her from getting close.

Steve rolled his eyes, “I swear you’re someone else sometimes.”

“This isn’t fair. I wanted cuddles with my hunk of a man after a long day!” She complains.

“And I want to be able to sleep without my back hurting but here we are.”

“I’ll give you a back massage.”

“No thanks.”

“I’ll be the big pillow you need instead of that thing.”

“Nope.”

She huffed with her arms cross, “How am I gonna get any sleep now?”

“Close your eyes and count some sheep.” Steve curls up around his body pillow, his eyes closing and a soft smile of contentment appearing over his face.

However she was still pouting.

“What now?” Steve asks, his eyes still shut and a heavy sigh leaving his lips.

“How do you do that?” She sits up and leans in to wave her hand in front of Steve’s face. “Do you have an extra pair of eyes?”

He chuckled, “Stop babe. I want some sleep.”

“I wanted to be your body pillow and have some cuddles. That’s all I ask..”

“Why? So you can post more about it? No thanks.”

Stella’s eyebrow furrowed a bit as she let that sink in and scoffed, “Oh! So that’s what this is all about? You brought that damn pillow out of spite.”

“I knew you would figure it out. Why are you being so annoying?” He said as he sassed her and shoot his eyes open.

“And why you being so mean?”

“What! I am not being mean.”

“Oh right, no, you’re being petty.”

“Babe.”

“…okay fine, I can be annoying.”

“Try a lot.”

“Okay, I’ve been very annoying lately with my posting phase. I’m sorry.”

“I just wish you wouldn’t document every single thing we do.”

“But you said that you found it nice and I can post stuff about our lives—”

“I know what I said! But sometimes I want you to put the phone down and focus on what’s happening in front of you instead of experiencing it all through the phone.”

Stella felt slightly uncomfortable by his words, she knew he was right, but she hated that he had to go out and say it like that. She huffed and pouted, crossing her arms.

“Don’t even give me that look.” Steve said.

“What look?” She replied.

“You know the look. Sorry, sweetheart, but it’s the truth. Let me ask you something.”

“Mhm..”

“Why are you here being obsessed with this?”

“Uh…I don’t know, I fell in love with sharing our stories instead of the press releasing stuff about our experiences..”

That caused Steve to paused and rested his head against the pillow to face her better. He knew Stella enjoy the game of social media but hated the press coverage with great passion, hell they were the ones who told the world about them and their relationship first. Not them!

She didn’t get a say in what happened or could be said. He didn’t like it either—he hated it, he wasn’t one to be the news outlets dancing monkey.

He then asked, “So your doing this, for fans, friends and whatnot could get to know us better..? Not to have pressure of the press on our backs..”

She just nodded and covered her face. She sniffled chuckling at how easy and silly it sounded, yet it looked like a whole bunch of other things.

“Babe, I get it.” Steve said after a brief silence before letting out a sigh, “But I do want you to experience things in the moment and not across a phone. Not post about every single thing, okay?”

“It’s getting kinda annoying, isn’t it?” She muttered.

“Yeah. It is. Next time tell me what you’re doing or what you’re going to post.”

“Why? So you can have a piece of all the action too?”

Steve nodded and smirked, “I mean, yeah! I want to have a say in this.”

“Fair, you should.” She replied chuckling a bit, “I will let you know what happens and you can have a say in all of it.”

“And I was always the better photographer anyway.”

“Hey!”

“Just stating the facts!”

Stella playfully glares at him meanwhile Steve just laughed and snorted.

“Can I have my husband please?” She pleaded chuckling.

“Let me think.” He stated and then smirked, “No.”

“Excuse me?! We made up, this is part where we get to kiss and cuddle.”

“You need a tiny punishment, for at least a little while longer.”

“Steve…”

“You’ll get your cuddles in the morning instead.”

“I—!”

He suddenly looped his finger underneath her chin and pressed a soft kiss against her lips. She made a soft noise at the action then smiled pressing a kiss in return.

//

And we’re done! ✔️ Let me know what you think 💭

Tags 🏷️ @rickb-chaos @purpleprincessonfyre @marvelsfavoriteuncle @therealdaydreamstark @ask-missparker @ask-starrk @askstevella @sci-fi-lexcon @luna-d-marsh @ethan-lensherr @wizzzardofoz z @thechoooooosenone @jackiequick @gcthvile @cherrysft @blueboirick @meiramel @elzabeth-stark @missstrawbs2001 @trulysummersprivate @yetanotherwells @gaminggirlsstuff @fluffystevefest

[dipperscavern]

Hi dippy!!! I know I’m late but congrats on 1k! The celebration idea is pretty epic. I’ve never seen someone do something like this before on here. Would ya mind if I got a fortune telling?? I’m not sure how to go about this so I’m just gonna turn off my brain and ramble. I’m sorry if this becomes too long 😅

I’m 4’10” (stumpy asf ik) and petite but curvy in “all the right places” as I’m told often. I’m black and an #audhdgirly (autism and adhd) so I am pretty awkward, shy, blunt/straightforward, energetic, and very quiet. That quiet shit goes out the window the moment i get to talking about one of my special interests tho (I could ramble on for hours without realizing it which can sometimes be embarrassing). Sarcasm goes straight over my head (bc of the ‘tism). I am always doing something to stimulate myself but I’m clumsy and often find random marks on me that make others concerned. I scare my loved ones often because when I’m overstimulated I tend to go nonverbal and find small, quiet places to be in alone and also bc I tend to go mia or wander around while lost in my head. (There has been too many instances in my life where a full on search party has been sent out to look for me when I’m literally just like under my bed, or in my closet, or something.) I have sensory issues like no fucking other and I’m incredibly creative for no reason at all. I enjoy spending time with my loved ones even if it’s being with them while they do something they like while I do my own things, or just sitting in silence with them (especially if I’m overstimulated) but I also cherish my alone time. I love physical touch (unless I’m overstimulated). I’m a cuddle bug (especially bc im cold all the time. like seriously it’s a problem). I am also very emotional and have meltdowns pretty routinely when upset. I do struggle to showcase my emotions physically (bc of the ‘tism) so most people don’t realize I’m upset until I start crying.

I LOVE food but I am a picky eater (bc of the ‘tism). My style is pretty cohesive. It’s a lot of soft sweaters, flowy skirts and dresses, tights, cardigans, mary janes, and bows in soft or deep colors like browns, tans, dark greens, dark blues, dark purples, whites, blacks, and pastels. I love books and film! I read and watch a lot of fantasy, horror, sci-fi, and mysteries. I’m really into history and love writing stories anywhere I can (I carry a journal and pen with me everywhere). I love autumn and winter so much. I love collecting things. I’m OBSESSED with music. I will listen to anything as long as I can vibe to it (from classical to heavy metal). I also play a few instruments including the violin, piano, and guitar. I really love museums, art galleries, fashion, sewing, crochet, and gardens(!). I love nature and animals so much and could wander in a garden for hours just looking at flowers, trees, other plants, and bugs and animals, and nature! I also enjoy making my loved ones things that they can use practically in their day to day life. I’m quiet but observant so I am usually able to make things that are personal to that specific person but benefit them in some way.

thank u for your congrats and i’m so glad u like the celebration!! come, come, and we shall gaze into this crystal ball of mine 🔮

oh… the one i see… are he and his friend gay? no no, wait, false alarm. ahem, moving forward — i see king in the north, robb stark. robb stark would love your curves, and tease you relentlessly about the height difference. he’d purposefully putting things on higher shelves so you need him to come get them (i hate him). robb loves sarcasm, but makes a big effort not to use it around you so he doesn’t confuse you, and would explain any sarcasm/anythign you’re confused about. he’s sooo caring about your clumsiness, always patching you up and catching you whenever you trip (you don’t know how he does it, he’s just suave like that you suppose). and robb loves quality time with u!! you guys doing your own things (as you said), but also knows when & respects when you need alone time. and robb lives for physical touch, he’s such a cuddle bug too’!!! and the garden part awh. robb taking you to highgarden once the war is over so you guys can stroll the gardens for as long as you like, as his thank you to you for sticking beside him all that time <3

[chxrriebomb]

Hello everyone, while it’s been over a year since I’ve been active on tumblr - i just wanted to say I’m sorry for my lack of updates on my sequel to Dark Empire (18+ Eren Jaeger x reader fanfic)

From major surgery less than two months ago, to personal issues in my life, a part of me wanted to delete everything as a whole and go MIA. I am not savvy with social media, i find myself very overstimulated a good majority of the time.

I used to go by novoamorbby, but recently had to change my name after stalking and harassment charges with people in my ((irl)) personal life. Dark Empire is slowly creeping up to 300k reads and I am SO grateful for it. Honestly a part of me has wanted to take it down and rewrite some of it because I know it could be 100x better now that I know what I’m doing.

Anyway, long story short…my life has been extremely chaotic, and my mental health is not doing great. I have had zero motivation to write/read/play video games. I find myself exhausted and sleeping a lot lately. I am sorry for disappointing many of you and making you wait months on end - i just truly have been up and down and not doing well. I hope you can understand.

Xx

[lyranova]

Hi everyone, I hope you’re all doing well!

I’m sorry I’ve been even more MIA from…everywhere, I’m just going through a lot (again i’m sorry 😔) and just haven’t felt like writing much because of it. I know “COTF: Shadows” is nearly a month late, and that my event fics are very late as well, but I’ll try and get to them soon!

I also know I’m supposed to be doing a “spooky” event along with OC Kinktober, and I’m going to try and get to it because it was something I kind of promised you all that I would do. So I’m going to *try* and post that Monday, but we’ll see what life has in store for me by then 😅.

Anyway I hope you’re all doing well, and I’m sending you all love and hugs and positive vibes and hope this weekend/week treats you all well 🥰🫂!

[just-jordie-things]

Read the new chapter when it dropped so apologies, I’m a bit late with my message. Personal life has been a bit… chaotic this week and I’ve been a bit down in the dumps and feeling slightly depresso however, I am off from work for two weeks and travelling back to visit family for a bit so I will get back to my usual positive cheesy mood soon 😤

As always, it was such a good update and I am sitting on the edge of my seat and impatiently waiting for the next update because omg, there are so many ways this could go 🫠

Will y/n end up telling Satoru what they’ve been up to? Will he guess to some extent what they are planning?! 😱 Or what if Satoru thinks y/n will go after Geto? 😱 I’m honestly not thinking that hard because I want to be mindblown when I do read the next update 😂 Also, my thinking capacity this week is 0.00001% so I’m just mindlessly throwing things out there 😂 It has already been confirmed (from all the previous chapters) that whatever happens it will be beautiful in every way, shape and form ❤️

Have you had a good week??

- Gouda 🧀

i hope your spirits have been lifted gouda! sorry i’ve been a lil mia from tumblr i’ve been working a lot this week, but it’s been good. don’t hate the job and i need the money so i can’t complain yk 😅

i can’t wait for you to read the next chapter!! i tbh j you’ll love it and i’ll leave it at that 😉😁 don’t wanna give away too much bcuz i’ve already been so giddy about posting this part.

as always i appreciate your support and love and your dedication for sharing it!!!! ❤️❤️❤️🫶🫶🫶 happy reading!!

[sprouseryanlovaticlove]

LIFE UPDATE

Hi guys! Sorry I’ve been MIA as of late but I am back I’ve done a lot of life since. I am going to try and get to the better version of me starting now. I still love all of my favs,disney, and so on but I just am getting older and figuring out a lot. One thing I’ve discovered about myself is that I AM A BISEXUAL FEMALE and what better time to come out than pride month! I am not completely out but I’ve told a couple close people in my life and I hope you are all supportive of me still. I really hope you guys are well and I’m going to try to update at least once a week and maybe even change my theme and blog around a little. I do also have  secondary blog so that has been taking up my tumblr time as of late as well. ALSO LOVE demi’s new single swine! I will always and forever be demisexual! 

[bortuzzzzin]

This is not something I thought I would admit in the slightest but…. I’ve kinda lost my love for watching the hockey games this season. My stress levels and attention span has just not been in it at all. I can hardly sit still watching and if I do….it… doesn’t last past the 1st period. I of course still keep up with what’s going on by social media or of course the apps. I still very much love my blues and rooting for them every step of the way but it’s just hard to sit and enjoy like I used to. Which kinda explains how I’ve been MIA a lot lately on here. I’m so sorry if I seem distant but I kinda am just dealing a lot with working and life things. I hope I can get back into my enjoyment of hockey madness on tv and what not soon. But for now I’m just watching highlights and reading everything from a far of what’s going on with the team and the games.

[dulafer]

The CEO

Guys, here’s a ‘new’ one but very similar to my previous stories. I’m running out of inspiration? If you know of any hot suited studs on Instagram or somewhere, let me know. It’s a rough draft, so if you see errors, have questions, let me know - dclouser@mac.com

This is about a CEO needing some help from his brother, and his brother helping himself to his brother’s CEO life. 

Here’s the link to the final version:     https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mugjKu33rJUndXGHavghmiL7q83_YaRp/view?usp=sharing

VISITATION

I was once a rising financial superstar on Wall Street, making people millionaires overnight, loved by all, but that was years ago—I’m all but forgotten. A year before my release from the Brookhaven Prison Camp, I’m lead to a private visitor’s room and shocked to see my brother Parker and another gentleman.

“Well, well, well… Dumb, and you must be Dumber.” I greet them jokingly. The other guy, who looks familiar, jumps up to shake my hand, while Parker actually has a dazed look on his face. 

“Paul, Hi, I’m Shaun Birnley, your brother’s friend and President of Thomas Financial.” Shaun introduces himself then stares at me.

“You’re looking good bro.” Parker pipes up quietly.

“3 Keto meals a day, tennis and some great sex. This is more like a Club Med but without the beaches and alcohol. So what do I owe this visit?” I haven’t had a single visitor in a few years, including from my twin brother. Occasionally I get an email from him but I’ve been forgotten by all my ‘friends’.

Shaun keeps looking back and forth between us. “Shit Parker, this is freaky, he is your twin, no doubt about it. This could actually work.”

“It’s good to finally meet you Shaun, I’ve heard the name but I’ve been here the past 6 years.  What could work? What are you talking about?”

“You’re getting out in a year. We have a proposition for you, a ‘job’ possibly. One that would get you out a lot sooner.” Shaun says. 

“Parker, what the fuck is going on here? I don’t hear from you in years, now you’re both my best friends?  Offering me an early release?” Parker has a blank look on his face. “Parker! Are you high?”

“He’s not feeling well, that’s why we’re here.”

“I have PTSD, just say it Shaun. It’s not a big deal.” Parker explodes.

“Sorry, but you’ve never been in battle, so how in the hell can you have PTSD.”

“A few months ago, your brother was carjacked, robbed at gun point and beat up on the way home from work late one night. Ever since then, he hasn’t been himself.  He’s had a breakdown, is easily confused,  bipolar, panic attacks, sleeping issues, and total lack of focus.” Shaun explains. 

“Did they catch the guy?” I asked.

“No, the police are fucking useless, fucking useless.” Parker snaps awake for a second. 

“I’m so sorry bro. You look good, normal even except for that dazed look.”

“It’s some drugs ‘he’s’ trying but he needs in-person care at a residential treatment center.” Shaun is clearly in charge.

“Zoloft but it puts me in a daze and I can’t sleep at night. I’ve fallen to sleep in the office and almost during the last board meeting.”

“There are quite a few guys here with it, they get drugs and CBT psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral something or other. It seems to help.”

“See Parker, and you’ll be in the best PTSD facility in the world.”

“Yeah, in fucking California. God help me.” 

“It’s called ‘The Refuge’ in Big Sur, California.  Best in the world. It’s very private and confidential.” Shaun explains to me.

“You’ll be fine bro. Couple weeks of treatment and you’ll be back to your old self. Big Sur is stunning—.”

“Could be 30-90 days. That’s where the job offer comes in.” Shaun interrupts. “The CEO of Thomas Financial can’t be MIA. There’s talk of replacing Parker already.”

“Oh for god sake Shaun, spit it out. Paul Thomas is already signed up for the Refuge. We’re swapping places. I can’t have it leaking out that I went to the crazy farm for months.”

“Oh, so you need me, that explains all this. This is great. I’ve been invisible for years and now I’m not. Lose your baby for all I care. Fuck off! Guard!” I’m pissed. 

“We’ll make it worth your while. $5 million and a year of your life back.” Shaun yells out, catching my attention. 

“Now you’re talking.” The guard enters and I shoo him away. “I’m fine Timmy.”

“No one can know about this.” Parker demands.

“My ‘Parker’ is kind of rusty but I can do it. So is your therapist forcing you to go?” I have about $1m squirreled away for when I get out, and this $5 million will help. It won’t be enough but it’s a start.

“Hell no, we’re telling his therapist that we’re getting a second diagnosis and that’s all he’s going to know. A friend at the VA highly recommended this place.” Shaun continues to do most of the talking, which is out of character for Parker. 

“Let me think about this. I can stay here another year or get out, play Parker for a few months and make $5 million? I’m in.” I smile and in the back of my mind, the thought of taking over Parker’s life permanently would be the chance of a lifetime. With nothing better to do in prison, I’ve been following Thomas Financial, his career and social media for years. It’s an impressive accomplishment that I never thought he was capable of. I’ve been jealous of his ‘luck’ but will never admit to it.

“We’ll get you up to speed with every little detail of Parker’s personal life and job. I’ll be by your side the whole time too. Guard!”  Shaun yells and the guard comes back. “Tell the warden we’ve come to an agreement.”

“Lets get out of this place.” Parker orders Shaun. He’s trembling oddly. 

“Get whatever you need from your room. You’re leaving right now.” Shaun orders me. 

Back in my room, I let my cell mate Tommy know I’m being sprung from the ‘estate’ as we call it. 

“You’re joking?” Tommy says in disbelief.

“No, my brother is sick and needs my help.”

“Like a kidney?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Here, take this list.” He hands me a list of names. “These folks specialize in areas that could come in handy. Just tell them you’re a friend of mine and they will help.” 

I pack up just my personal belongings like MacBook and clothes. My life basically fits in my duffle bag. I give Tommy a hug and tell him to look me up when he gets out in a year. 

Shaun tosses my bag into the back of his Escalade and we start heading back to New York. Shaun does most of the talking while Parker is barely awake. According to Shaun, the Zoloft allows him to function most of the day but at night he’s violent and lashes out. He’s popping more and more Zoloft. When he does sleep, after popping Xanax, he’s having nightmares. 

A few hours outside of New York we stop at a Hampton Inn for the night. To keep me invisible, Shaun runs out for dinner leaving Parker to keep an eye on me. Trouble is, Parker looks exhausted and in a daze. If I wanted to leave, he couldn’t stop me. I just don’t have anywhere to go. Parker takes off his suit coat, hangs it on the back of the chair and rolls up his sleeves.

TESTING MYSELF

As soon as Shaun leaves, Parker grabs his leather overnight bag, pulls out a toiletry bag and takes out some pill bottles. “I’m not hungry, I’m exhausted, going to bed.”

“What are you taking?”

“Something to help me sleep and help me chill.” He takes pills from the bottles and I offer to put them back. One bottle is Zoloft, another is Xanax and the last is Ambien. I’m not quite sure what all he’s taking or what the effects of mixing them could be. Also in his bag, I notice his razor, toothbrush, cologne, deordorant and ‘Uppercrust Pomade’. 

“Parker is this safe? Mixing these?” 

“Shut up, you’re sounding like Shaun.” He dismisses me, struggling to even speak. 

“Let’s get you to your room.” A devious test comes to mind—fooling Shaun tonight.

I help him across the hall and help him get undressed. This room was suppose to be mine according to Shaun but Parker is so out of it, he doesn’t notice the switch. Parker climbs into bed and passes out in minutes. I quickly strip out of my clothes and start putting on the outfit he was just wearing. I slip on every item, starting with his still warm boxer briefs, socks, then gray dress pants, shirt and tie. Everything is a perfect fit. I lean over his body and remove his Omega watch and class ring to add to my identity. Finally, I step into his shoes and I add his vest, making sure to leave the top button undone. 

“You look great Parker.” I say to myself in the mirror as Parker is snoring away. I haven’t worn anything like this in years but it feels empowering. I check my rolled up shirt sleeves, fix my shirt collar and take in Parker’s identity.

Back in ‘my’ room, I unroll my sleeves, put his suit coat back on, noticing it’s a perfect fit.  In the suit pockets I feel his wallet and iPhone to go through later. I dig through my brother’s leather bag and find  a change of clothes for tomorrow. I look at my new watch and see it’s been 30 minutes since Shaun left. I spritz on some cologne then work his pomade into my hair, making sure I replicate his distinct part. My hair is a little longer but its not noticeable when I slick it back like he wears it. His razor come in handy to shorten my sideburns a little. I finish my transformation just in time as Shaun knocks at my door.

“Hang on.” I mumble, toning done my energy level to match Parker’s. Shaun comes in carrying bags of BBQ and a six pack of beer. 

He looks around the room. “Where’s the jailbird?”

“He said he wasn’t hungry, was exhausted and went to bed?” 

“Then he can have it for breakfast. I got you the baby backs of course, with baked beans. The place was packed so it must be good.”

“Perfect, I’m starving.”  I dig into bag and help myself to a beer. 

“Beer? With Zoloft?” Shaun questions me.

“Do you have wine?” I quip back knowing Parker rarely drinks beer. “A few sips, some Zoloft and Ambien. I’ll be set for the night.” I grin at him.

“Okay, I’ll be dragging you out of bed in the morning. You don’t think he’d run off on us do you?”

“Nah, he needs the money and where would he go? Plus, his entire life is in that duffel bag.” I point to my bag on the floor. “I also watched  thru the peephole after he went to his room.”

Just then my cell phone rings with the ID showing ‘Taylor’. I answer it without hesitation. “Taylor…. Everything is fine… Uh huh, yeah he’s right here.”  I hold the phone up and Shaun shouts “We’re fine, be back tomorrow. Don’t worry.”

I take back control of the call, talk another minute and hang up. Taylor must be security for me, checking on me. Neither Taylor or Shaun suspect a thing with my performance. I wipe my mouth with a napkin, then open my duffle bag, pull out ‘my’ drugs and pop some pills. They’re tucked under my tongue and I spit them out when Shaun turns his head for a minute. 

“So you think this will work?” Shaun questions.

“It has to or I’m in trouble.” I note, acting as if the drugs are kicking in.

“You’ll definitely be out as CEO, they’d have to keep me for a while.” He laughs nervously. 

I’m not sure of the details but act like I do. “Wouldn’t that be a twist.”

“I’ll trot him out for meetings, luncheons and the next board meeting but you’ll be back before it I’m sure. I’ll keep an eye on him, keep him under control and tell him what to say. I’m worried about something else.”

“What’s that?”

“I was trying to tell you two apart all day and I can’t. The only difference is how you’re dressed and your hair.”

“We’re identical twins. No one ever could, not even our parents.” I explain.

“That’s the problem. How can I tell, just in case he pulls some shit on us?”

“What would he possibly do?” I ask.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ve seen too many Lifetime movies where the evil twin kills the good twin to assume his identity.”

I chuckle. “Well, there’s one difference between us. I do have a small scar on the back of my leg.” I lift up my pant leg and show him my scar. “Got it trying to ride a minibike when I was 13. It’s hardly noticeable but is something.”

“No, something easier and less noticeable than having to see your scar. How about a simple wink if I call you ‘Stefan’?”

I’m curious why he knows Parker's middle name. “We’ll never need it.”

“Just humor me, ‘Stefan’.” He stresses my brother’s middle name as if it’s an order. “If I refer to you as Stefan you respond with some subtle action.”

“Fine, but I’m not winking at you. I’ll do this.” I take my hand and run it through my hair above my ear. I’ve seen Parker do it a few times today, especially when he seems stressed out. 

“Stefan” Shaun calls me and I run my hand through my hair. From now on, in Shaun’s mind, I’ll be Parker with our secret identity test and my scar. 

I yawn, stretch my arms out. “Hey, the sleeping pills are kicking in.”

“Get some sleep buddy.” Shaun gets up, grabs the beer and heads to his room next to mine. “Lets meet for breakfast at 8am.”

Once I’m alone, I start going through my phone, checking text messages and emails. Taylor is his body guard per some emails I find. He was hired a few months ago after the attack. There’s email from doctors at the Refuge about helping ‘Paul Thomas’. His FaceBook and Instagram entertains me for another hour before I pass out at midnight. 

I wasn’t allowed a phone in Prison but I did have computer access. It allowed me to follow Parker and Thomas Financial for years. My plan, once I was out, was to disappear and start a new life. I had no intention of ever talking to Parker again but now that I see how fucked up he is, and how he’s ruining his life, I have a better option. Parker isn’t giving me a job, he’s giving me his life.

I make sure I’m up early before anyone else and take a quick shower. I pack up Parker’s stuff and head across the hall. He’s still sleeping as I strip out of his clothes, return his jewelry and dress as myself. I start waking him, help get him into the shower, then dressed and down to the hotel lobby early for breakfast. With his hair gelled and mine product free, we’ll look totally different to Shaun. Parker doesn’t ‘remember’ the BBQ he had for dinner but says it’s normal for him these days—a side effect of the drugs keeping him calm. I tell him I didn’t eat, that I crashed before everyone. He accepts everything I tell him. 

We’re up early having breakfast, catching up so I start prying into Parker’s and Shaun’s relationship. I knew they were classmates at Penn and Wharton, and Parker hired him when he started Thomas Financial. Parker adds his history with Shaun. Shaun is married to Susan and they have a 5 year old daughter named Hanna. Parker was his best man six years ago. 

He confides their biggest secret to me—how they met and became friends. At their first frat party, Parker hit on Shaun and tried kissing him. He had a crush on Shaun, assumed he was gay or bi, and they both were drunk and high. Shaun thought it was funny, that his girlfriend at the time had put Parker up to it. Shaun has never told Susan because it’s embarrassing for Parker. It hurt when he mentions that Shaun is like a brother to him. I don’t complain and let him go on and on about their relationship.

Shaun shows up late and starts probing me about prison and my education. We eat quickly and fly home. I was worried that my little game last night would be discovered but the entire trip home, nothing came up. Parker even thanked Shaun for the BBQ, even though he had no memory of it. My theory is that Parker said it to appear normal. Shaun drops us off and takes off. Taylor always has weekends off since Parker’s gated community has its own security. From the looks of it, there’s more security here than at the white collar prison I just left.

AT HOME

“Make yourself at home bro. My bedroom is at the top of the stairs to the right, yours is across the hall. Why don’t you take a shower and help yourself to anything in my closet.” Parker offers as we walk into the foyer.  The place is very contemporary as is Parker’s style. It’s been professionally decorated because it’s too detailed. After a quick tour of his home, I take a shower then head to his closet to find something to wear. We may have similar tastes in home furnishings but we dress very differently. I’m more jeans and t-shirts and he’s more preppy. 

I’m overwhelmed when I enter his closet. It’s the size of four prison cells. There’s rows of suits, coats, shirts and wall of ties and shoes. I leaf through his clothes and try on a few sport and suit coats. Everything is a perfect fit. In his bedroom I find socks and underwear in a dresser, and jewelry in a free standing jewelry chest. I slip into tan skinny jeans and knit shirt, similar to what he has on. For shoes I grab a pair tan Chelsea boots.

Downstairs I find Parker stretched out on the sofa watching something on the TV. He seems to be in a daze.

“Ahem… you okay?”

“Oh yeah, just thinking about everything. My life was going perfect. I’m making gobs of money, I started dating this great guy and the business is running itself.”

“Your life looks fine, nothing has changed has it?”

“I’m having nightmares of a gun being shoved in my face, being kicked to the garage floor and laying there for what seemed hours till someone found me. I can barely function at work. If it weren’t for the drugs, I’d be cowering under my desk most of the day.”

“Well, therapy will help, I promise. I’ve seen plenty of guys with it in prison and they are fine now. My biggest concern is not fucking up your life while you’re away.”

“I’ve got two weeks to turn you into me.” He looks at me. “Let’s get haircuts.”

I follow him to the garage and I’m shocked at his automobile collection. There’s an BMW X5, Corvette, BMW 550i and 911 Targa. We jump in the X5 and he drives us further out of the city. He finds a Supercuts that’s busy and while we wait, I start questioning him about his life.

“Shaun will be the only person in on this scheme?” I ask.

“Yeah, he’s the only one. The board is already in revolt over my condition. If they found out I was admitting myself for therapy, I’d be ousted and Shaun would probably be made CEO.”

“How am I going to handle your job?”

“When we get back, I’ll show you everything you’ll need to know. My home office set up is basically a copy of my office. The computers are linked so if I create a file at work, it’s also on my desktop when I get home. Our company dashboard is there too. I’ll need to get you into my office tomorrow while no one is there.”

“What about your boyfriend?”

“That’s easy, he’s in China on assignment and we sort of ended it. His name is David, we met at Ken and John’s wedding months ago. He hasn’t called or emailed in a over a week.”

“Friends?”

“Ken, John, Woody and Colin.”

“Who’s your best friend?” I probe.

“Colin, we dated for a year then decided we were better off as friends. He moved to Soho, with his boyfriend, doesn’t visit as much as he use to. You’ll have to attend the opening of ‘Oklahoma’ on Broadway in a few weeks. His boyfriend is one of the producers, got us front row seats.”

“A musical, how gay is that?” I laugh at him. 

“Don’t laugh, its Jeff’s life, Colin’s boyfriend. I don’t like Jeff and Colin knows it, but I told him I’m being supportive.”

“Okay, got it.” I become serious just as our stylist comes and gets us. 

They seat us side by side. They wash my hair, cut it and trim my eyebrows and match him completely. He’s stunned by my transformation. We’re identical down to every details now. On the way home we stop for dinner, then a cheap burner phone for myself. 

Back at home, Parker takes me to his home office and starts teaching me about his work life. He goes through some emails, then the dashboard and finally pics of key people he deals with. He writes down his passwords for all his work and personal websites.

Hours later, Parker takes his medication, rinses it down with some scotch, then heads to bed. He’s in his room when his phone rings. I’m curious as I hear ‘Shaun’ and sneak up to the bedroom door and eavesdrop on them.

“I got him cleaned up today… haircut, eyebrow trim and manicure…he’s perfect… I’ll work with him tomorrow, then send him to the office.” There’s a pause. “Oh that would be better… I’ll let him know. See ya tomorrow.”

I quickly run back to my room and start playing with my new phone. Parker comes in a few minutes later. 

“So here’s the plan for tomorrow. Shaun will pick you up tomorrow morning and take you into the office, show you around and groom you.”

“That makes sense. Who would question the CEO and the President in the office working on some things.”

“Exactly. I was just going to drive you there, draw you a map and let you figure it out.”

I can see the glassiness in his eyes as he’s standing there—the effects of the Zoloft and Scotch. He heads to his bedroom. Thirty minutes later I check on him and he’s snoring like a bear. I take his phone off his nightstand and head down to ‘my’ home office. I spend hours going thru the Thomas Financial system, getting more at ease with it. I take a break and head to the garage to admire my automobile collection. They’re too tempting sitting there, so I run to his bedroom, grab his wallet, leather jacket and take the Corvette out for a spin. At first I drive through the neighborhood, checking out the features. Later I jump on the freeway, getting it up to 80 mph. I play with the voice commands with “Take me to the office.” I’m rerouted to Manhattan and decide to check out my office. It takes me a while to maneuver around the parking garage but I find the Thomas Financial parking area and my own reserved spot. 

I have no clue what I’m doing but as I approach the main lobby, the doors unlock for me and security greets ‘Mr. Thomas’. I smile a hello, and see the elevator off to the right. All I know is that  Thomas Financial’s offices are on the 40th floor and Parker has a corner office.

Like the lobby doors, the elevators open before I even press a button and I’m automatically taken to the 40th floor, to the lobby for Thomas Financial. There must be an RFID chip in my wallet handling my access. Not far from the lobby I spot a large corner office and see ‘Parker Thomas’ stenciled on the door that unlocks as I approach. ‘This is too easy’ I think to myself as I enter and take the helm of Thomas Financial. I’m there for a few hours checking out every nook of the office, including his private bathroom and closet. I log in as he taught me and continue learning the system. Before leaving for the night, I walk around the entire floor, checking out offices of ‘my’ employees.

I’m home before midnight and return everything as it was. First Shaun and now the security people at Thomas Financial have met the new Parker Thomas without knowing. 

CEO AND PRESIDENT

The next morning Parker is up before me. I hear him in the living room watching the news so I jump in the shower, then help myself to a casual Sunday outfit for my office visit. It’s  vintage, preppy Parker—wool dress pants, orange cashmere v-neck sweater, white dress shirt and the black Chelsea boots he had on yesterday. I walk down stairs ready for the day, only to find Parker half asleep on the sofa.

“Bro? Is this appropriate for the office?” I use his typical lingo on him. “You okay?”

He stirs a little, half awake. “Oh sorry, I could use another few hours of sleep today. That Zoloft is wicked shit. You look fine, it’s exactly what I’d wear on a Sunday. I have a gray plaid sport coat that would look great with it.”

“No, it’s the mixing of Zoloft, sleeping pills and scotch that’s wicked Bro.”  I chuckle. “Then go back to bed, I’m the one going into the office today with my president.” 

“Oh shit, yeah have fun with that.” He goes to stand up and wobbles a little.

“You didn’t take anything else did you?” I question him. 

“Just a Xanax to relax me. It helps me sleep.” He answers.

“Bro, I’ll bet you shouldn’t be taking Xanax while still on Zoloft, it’ll kill you.”

“I’m fine, I’ll sleep it off. Wake me up when you get home, we’ll run for lunch.”

“Hey, while I’m thinking of it, give me your class ring and watch, and where’s your wallet?”

“It’s upstairs.” He slips off his ring and watch, and hands them to me.

I follow behind him as he crawls into bed. In his closet I find the sport coat he suggested. I tuck his wallet and iPhone in the breast pockets. His wallet is just where I left it last night when I got home. With my class ring and watch in place, my identity as Parker is perfect. Back downstairs I grab his coffee cup, heat it up, plop myself in front of the TV and continue his morning. I’m the spitting image of Parker.

A few minutes later the door bell rings, it’s got to be Shaun for me. I get up, grab my coffee and greet him at the door. 

“Morning Bro, ready to meet your new CEO?” I greet him using ‘bro’ as Parker had done at breakfast yesterday and take a sip of my coffee. “Want a cup?”

“Ah yeah, I could use some caffeine this morning.” He says frustrated.

“Bad night?”

“Yeah, monsters under Hanna’s bed just as I was going to get ‘some’ action, first time in a month. She ran into the bedroom without warning and jumped in bed, right on top of us. I was the middle of a sandwich, and not a sexy sandwich.”

I just laugh at him as I pop a k-cup into the machine and find a mug. “So you okay doing this today?”

“Sure, why not? It’ll just be Thomas Financial’s CEO and President working together on some things on a Sunday morning. I should take Paul to Ferry Point for 18 holes, where you do most of your work.” He laughs at his joke thinking he’s talking to Parker. 

“If only you were as good.” I reply back.

“Didn’t I beat your ass just a few weeks ago? Can he play golf? Any good?”

“I’m sure he hasn’t played in 6 years but he was a decent golfer before prison.”

“Great, golf will be a great excuse for keeping him away from the office as much as possible. At least for a few weeks before it gets too cold.” 

“So what all are you going to cover with him?”

“Just the basics, like where things are, who’s who and walk him through our system.”

“I drew him a map, was just going to set him free to explore since there shouldn’t be anyone there today but this is better for him.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised to see some of Joel’s marketing people in the office.” Shaun looks at his watch. “Speaking of which, where is he?”

“Right in front of you, Bro.” I smile wickedly.

“Well, Fuck me!” I never would have guessed it. “Fuck! Where’s Parker?”

“The dumb shit was drinking Scotch last night before popping his Zoloft and some type of sleeping pills. He got up this morning, took a Xanax which knocked him out again. He just went to bed about 30 minutes ago. His doctor is giving him all those drugs?”

“No, his doctor only prescribed the Zoloft, that rest are from his buddy Greg, who’s a pharmacist. He was just going to let Greg ‘treat him’ after the car jacking, but I realized something else was off and forced him to see Dr. Pomme.”

I shake my head in fake concern. “Well, let’s get to the office. He wants me back by noon to do lunch.”

“How about you follow me, so you learn your way there.  Take his X5, it’s his new toy, and he’s not bored with it yet.”

“Sure, I haven’t driven in years but I’m a decent driver, at least I was, and my license is expired.” Shaun shakes his head in disbelief.

We get to the office and I act as though this is all new to me. He explains the RFID card security and that Parker has one in his wallet. I don’t tell him I have Parker’s wallet and watch him handle everything. We walk in and he walks me around the floor, showing where everything is—conference rooms, break room, accounting, marketing, IT, sales and the executive offices. 

He quickly shows me his office, which is right next to mine that I didn’t notice last night. In my office he has me sign in as Parker and walks me through the system. He shows me a few new tricks then starts reviewing their current business and projects. Between Shaun and Parker, I’m learning quite a lot. When he anxiously checks his watch after a few hours, I suggest we leave, that I have a few weeks to learn everything and he agrees.

We walk out together, get in the cars and pull out of the parking lot. When I lose him in New York traffic, I turn around and head back to the office. I’m really curious about Parker’s life and want to spend as much time as possible learning about it. I noticed Parker’s briefcase behind the driver’s seat and take it in with me. Back in ‘my’ office I study the content of it. There’s more prescription drugs, including more Zoloft and Xanax. There’s an iPad, files and portfolio. I’m there a few more hours, about to leave when Colin calls me.

When he finds out I’m in Manhattan, I’m invited to Darcy’s, a restaurant in SoHo, for lunch with him and Jeff. I accept, jump back in the X5 and head there. I keep it short, claiming a work emergency. I ease into Parker’s personal life effortlessly, playing Parker flawlessly. It’s easy as Jeff talks and talks about opening night, that there’s a cast party after with a ton of celebrities. I really didn’t have to do anything but look the part and laugh at how clueless they both are. I excuse myself, pick up the tab and head home. 

I walk into a quiet house and head upstairs to check on Parker. The shower in running so I return his jewelry and wallet to his dresser.

“Hey Parker, I’m home.” I yell into his bathroom. 

He shuts off the water and steps out. “Great, I’m starving. How was work Parker?”

“Great, Shaun knows his shit, just like you. He skipped out to get home, not worried as we have a few weeks before you leave.”

“Well your timing is perfect, I just got up, feeling great and starving.”

“I’m not hungry, just had lunch with Colin and Jeff at Darcy’s. He called and I couldn’t say no.”

“You had lunch with my best friend?” He’s shocked.

“Well, Parker had lunch with him.”

“They didn’t question anything?”

“Look at me. I was wearing your clothes, had your class ring and watch on and knew about Oklahoma. Jeff sure loves to talk. I didn’t have time to even get one word in. They don’t know about me do they?”

“No, you’ve never come up. I don’t talk about my system hacking, Ponzi scheming, embezzling, convict of a brother.”

“Do they even know you have a brother?” I’m getting a little upset but hide it. 

“No, so I’m not hassled about it.”

“That’s why they didn’t suspect a thing.” This is perfect. Shaun is the only person who knows I exist. No one else will be suspicious of any changes with Parker.

PARKER 101

We do lunch and I barely eat. I observe all his mannerisms—how he eats, what he eats and how he treats the staff. He does most of the talking, mostly about himself. I probe about his relationship with Shaun. He fills in more details of their college days—details like hang outs, parties, coming out to him, living together challenges, Shaun’s endless girlfriends and being his best man. I then change the topic to their work relationship and he really unloads. He had to beg Shaun to take the job, early struggles with cash flow and retaining customers. We’re there for hours with him drinking much more than I ever remember. I drive him home, he pops a hand full of pills and I tuck him in bed. 

From my bag, I pull out the list of contacts Tommy provided before leaving Brookhaven. It’s quite a detailed list of names, emails and phone numbers followed by their expertise such as ‘fake docs’, ‘bugs’, ‘laundering’, ‘drugs’, ‘plastic surgeon’ and ‘IT’. When I call them and tell them I’m friends with Tommy, they’re all eager to help. The IT guy emails me a keystroke tracker for unlocking all of Parker’s passwords and websites. The bugs guy recommends bugs and surveillance cameras and where to buy them. I don’t get through to some of them but leave messages.  

On Monday morning I make sure to wake him up for work—not over concern of his drug usage the night before but to observe his morning routine. I help him up, into the shower  and watch everything he does up till walking out the garage door. 

Once he’s gone, I duplicate his routine except for putting on a suit. Instead I try his ‘country club’ look from an Instagram post months ago—jeans, linen sport coat, simple dark blue dress shirt with a heavy on the jewelry. I managed to duplicate the outfit completely, even the Tag watch and bracelets.

While Parker is at work, I start my ‘Parker Plan’.  The keystroke is easy to download and add to his home computer, then it’ll worm its way into his work system. I borrow his BMW to buy the cameras from a guy in the Bronx. He also clones Parker’s iPhone for a few thousand. One night while Parker is passed out, I head into the office and place cameras and bugs in his office, Shaun’s and the conference rooms.

I pay for everything with a cash advance from my future payment. I told Parker I needed money for starting a new life. He was foolish enough to give me $10,000 out of his home safe while I watched him open it, using his social security number typed in backwards. 

Over the next couple days, I follow him with all my new toys, learning from him and Shaun. The work cameras help a great deal, showing how he works and interacts with everyone. The iPhone clone records all his conversations and texts. It’s an overwhelming amount of information but Parker passes out at 9pm most nights, giving me time to catch up.

He sees his therapist at least twice a week, leaving work using a variety of lame excuses and seeing him over lunch. He’s lying to Shaun, telling him it’s only once a week and that the therapist is really helping. Living with him, it’s obvious it’s not working at all. It’s like he turns on as soon as someone walks in his door or calls. When he’s alone, he zones out or has his head buried in his hands. He’s barely functioning during the day and afraid to go out at night. 

BREAKDOWN

On Friday I watch Parker leave the office for lunch with his friend Colin. On his private calendar, it’s a meeting with his therapist. He warns Jenny that he might be late but he’ll be back in time for Duncan at 3pm. An hour later he shocks me when he comes bursting into the house. He’s pale white, panting and out of breath.

I jump up from the TV. “What happened? You look like you saw a ghost.”

He collapses onto the sofa, barely able to speak. “I unblocked some things I blocked out of my mind. I think they were things I have nightmares about.”

“What?”

“The clicking of the gun as he almost pulled the trigger. I keep hearing the click—click, click, click. He’s going to shoot me. My last thing I’ll do before he shoots me, is piss my pants.” He grabs my Coke, pulls some pills from his pocket and chugs them down. “I was at my Therapist, everyone at work thinks I’m at lunch with Colin.”

“What are you doing? You took some this morning right? They’re not M&Ms.”

“No, they’re better than M&Ms.” He’s shaking like a leaf.

“You’re going to be a mess in the office.”

“Hope you’re up to speed with Duncan. It’s show time bro. Time for you to earn your keep.”

He looks and sounds pathetic. “Yes, I’ve been following your emails and Shaun will be there to help.”

“No! Shaun can’t know about this.” He rejects strongly.

“Why not? He’s going to know I’m not you.” I warn him.

“Because, he could use my weakness to convince the board to oust me and put him in charge.”

“But Shaun is your friend, I thought?”

“Please, how naive can you be? What brought you down? Who ratted on you? Your partner” He holds his head and shudders. 

“But Todd and I never got along. I should have known better.”

He slowly lifts himself off the sofa and heads up the stairs. “Come on, I’m going to bed, my head is killing me. You’re going back to the office Parker. Taylor is outside waiting.”

“How am I going to fool Shaun?  He knows you better than anyone?” I fake concern but watched their morning unfold. All the personal information is at my fingertips thanks to the cameras. Shaun’s wife is planning a vacation to Hawaii for the summer, Hanna has a new imaginary friend and he wants to golf this weekend. 

“He’s got his own fires to put out with the Prime Medusa account. Just don’t go to happy hour with him, he may discover you’re not me.”

I follow him up the stairs and notice how unsteady he is. He starts stripping out of his outfit, kicking off his shoes, taking off his coat and playing with his pants. I haven’t tied a tie in years, so I walk over to him, lift up his collar and pull his tie over his head so I don’t have to retie it. He’s really doped up as his sits on the edge of the bed. I help him with his pants, socks, and  dress shirt. When I pull off his jewelry, the Rolex on his wrist, catches my eye. I’ve never worn one before but always wanted one. Parker crawls into bed, mumbles something and passes out.

TRANSFORMATION

Parker and I haven’t swapped places since college. I went to work for him so he could go to South Beach with some friends. When I saw him at Brookhaven, I thought we still looked alike. When we got the haircuts, it hit me how identical we still are. The fact that Shaun fell for my charade before my transformation reinforced my observation. The only difference I’ve noticed but no one else mentioned are our smiles. His teeth are whiter and I’ll need to fix that at some point. 

In his bathroom I take a fast shower, swipe on his deodorant and spritz on some of his Polo Cologne to take his scent. His pomade gives me his perfectly coiffed hair. I’m not sure all what he took but he’s passed out and snoring when I enter his bedroom. 

Parker’s identity slowly becomes mine as I slip on his damp socks and warm pants. As I pull on his French cuff dress shirt, I’m reminded of Parker’s better fashion sense. I was always more casual while he was ‘Mr. GQ’—into designer custom suits and the latest fashion. The shirt has contrasting white collar/cuffs, splashy cufflinks and the sleeve is monogrammed. When I have it buttoned up, I pop the collar and add ‘my’ tie exactly as he wore it. I go to the mirror, fix my collar and adjust my tie, making sure the dimple is perfect.  

I step into his warm shoes then walk over to the chair and grab his suit coat. Inside is a ‘Executive Garrison’ label with Parker’s name engraved in gold under it. Like everything else I’ve put on, the fit is perfect, as a custom suit should fit. I confidently pull it on and feel some items in the pockets. In my left pocket is his wallet, and in the right is his iPhone. Without thinking, I pull out the iPhone to make sure I didn’t miss any messages. From the dresser I grab his Rolex and ring, adding the final pieces of his identity.

In the bathroom, I make a final check of my appearance. I’m the spitting image of Parker except for a nick he has from shaving this morning. I take his razor and carefully press it against my neck, giving me a similar cut. A wad of toilet paper stops it in a few minutes. Now I’m perfect. 

I check on Parker one last time then head back to the office to finish his day. I’m more nervous about my overall impersonation of Parker than dealing with Shaun. I’ve been watching Shaun and Parker interact all week, so it’ll be easy to pick up where they left off this morning. The bigger challenge will be adopting Parker’s dopey persona. The only solution I can come up is taking a Zoloft myself. There’s even a few in my pant pockets. 

Taylor drops me off in front of building and I head up to the 40th floor. In the elevator, I stiffen my posture, pull my shoulders back and adopt the Parker Thomas persona. The receptionist greets “Mr. Thomas” as I walk by on the way to my office. As soon as I’m in my office, Jenny comes running in to update me on things I missed. I take off my coat and suit coat as Jenny reminds me of Duncan in an hour. Since I’m Parker Thomas, I adopt his mental illness. I head to my private bathroom and take a Zoloft.

Shaun’s office is empty, not sure where he ran off to, but that’s okay. I’ve heard Shaun and Parker discuss their strategy with Duncan, so I know exactly how to handle the meeting. It’s a simple ‘they accept, we celebrate’ or ‘they counter and we think about it’. Either way is fine by me because this won’t be one of ‘our’ most profitable accounts for a few years. The meeting is an hour away so I review the contract and proposal, then get caught up with my email. The Zoloft hits me in about 30 minutes, giving me a very mellow feeling, like I just smoked a few joints. I check my appearance in the bathroom and I think I even have Parker’s usual glassy eyes. 

With Shaun not back, I greet the Duncan people and escort them to the executive conference room. My sales team joins and takes it from there, making my job easy. I sit there quietly taking notes and agreeing. Lucky for me, I checked out the LinkedIN profiles to put faces to the names. Shaun joins us 15 minutes late, just as they announce their intentions to proceed with Thomas Financial’s proposal. We sign the contract and I easily forge ‘P. Thomas’ with his typical big loop ‘P’. 

Shaun and I walk them out, then he follows me back into my office and shuts the door behind him. He heads over to my hidden bar and helps himself to the Scotch. 

“You want one or are you on the ‘Z’? Your eyes look glassy.”

“Sure, why not. I haven’t taken a pill since this morning.”

He pours me a glass, hands it to me and we clink glasses. I’m so mellow that someone could sneak up behind me, yell in my ear and I wouldn’t jump. The glassy eyes just add to my Parker disguise. I take a seat at my desk and he jumps in a chair.

“So check Sutter later tonight. We should have it deposited after 8pm according to Mike.”

I have no clue what he’s talking about. I heard Parker ask him about the Sutter status this morning, so I play along. “Great, I’ll be sure to check it later.”

“So did Greg fix you up with more shit today.”

“No, I had lunch with Colin.” 

“Really?” He says in a questioning voice. 

“Yes, really. Hopefully the Refuge will help.” I know Shaun doesn’t like Greg, even threatening to report him for providing drugs to Parker.

“The Refuge will work. You still up for golf on Sunday?”

“Sure, I wouldn’t miss it.” I saw it on Parker’s calendar for 8am Sunday.

“How’s your brother coming along? Think he can pull this off? He may have to handle your board meeting depending on when you get back. ”

“With our help, he’ll be fine. He’s been driving me crazy with a million questions.” I take a sip of my drink, lean back in my chair and put my hands behind my head—another Parker mannerism I’ve mastered.

He doesn’t show the slightest concern about who I am. We’re talking shop and personal shit till Gene, our head of sales stops in to invite us to happy hour. Shaun declines due to dinner at his mom’s house. I jump at the chance to hang with my employees. 

I work till 5:30, when Taylor stops by my office. He’s here to take me home but he’s okay with my happy hour plans and agrees to keep an eye on me at the bar. I pull on my suit, check in the image in the mirror, smile and think. ‘I’m Parker Thomas, CEO of Thomas Financial.’ I run my hand through my hair then check my tie. I haven’t been out in public with friends in years. Taylor keeps a low profile but is watching out for me. It’s an amazing feeling being Parker and hanging out with friends. I play ‘Parker’ perfectly with all my employees, learning their names, faces and other personal details. 

I pick up the tab then Taylor takes me home. I check my email and text on the ride. My friend Ken calls to ask how I’m feeling and see if I want to grab dinner with him and John tomorrow. I don’t think twice about making plans with ‘my’ friends. It’s amazing to think I’ve pulled off being Parker three times with Shaun. The guy is clueless I’m not his partner. I get home about 8pm and find Parker on the sofa in front of the TV.

“Hey, how you feeling?”

He turns and looks at me. “Fuck, I bet no one questioned who you are?”

“Nope, I handled the Duncan meeting, they loved the proposal and I signed the contract.  I had drinks with Shaun in my office after then did happy hour with my employees.  It was great experiencing freedom for the first time in 6 years. Oh, Ken and John invited you over for dinner tomorrow night and Shaun reminded me of golf on Sunday.”

“Good job, I knew they’d love it. Sounds like you did great.” He rubs his head as though he has a major headache. “Oh yeah, I did forget about Sunday. It’s with his father and father-in-law at Ferry Point.”

“Bro, if you’re not up for it, let me. I haven’t golfed in years but I bet I’m still just as good as you.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m probably as good as you were.  I just picked up the latest Calloway clubs, they’re at Ferry Point along with my clothes and other gear.  You’ll have fun, Shaun Sr and Ted are good golfer and ever better drinkers. Ferry Point is an incredible course.”

“What about Ken and John?”

“I’ll handle them. It’ll be good to see them before heading to California. No problems being me?”

“None, people seem to walk on egg shells when you’re around. Jenny is great keeping you on your toes. Shaun is clueless. I didn’t tell you, but Sunday morning when Shaun stopped to pick me up, he thought I was you greeting him at the door. I rolled with it, till he asked where Paul was and I came clean. I thought about running upstairs, changing clothes and seeing if I could get away with it but decided against it.”

“Ha! You should have.”

“How are you feeling?” I probe.

“I slept but didn’t really sleep, tossing and turning. If the Refuge doesn’t work, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m constantly on edge and when I think of the gun cocking, I go into shock. The Zoloft is barely working now.” 

“Oh, Shaun doesn’t like Greg does he?  He made some snide comment about you getting more drugs from him at lunch. I told him no, that I had lunch with Colin.”

“Greg is harmless. He gives me sample packets of drugs, nothing illegal. When he needed muscle relaxer for a bad back, he loved Greg.”

“And what is with Shaun's ‘Stefan’ when I stuck up for Greg?” I need to know the significance of Shaun using his middle name. 

He laughs. “At Penn, he had people thinking it was my name, had everyone calling me it. Now and then he uses my middle name if he’s questioning something, like my judgement or truthfulness.” 

This clears up ‘Stefan’ and gives me some additional personal information. He’s fucked up—his speech is slow and hands are trembling. He orders a pizza from his favorite place, downs a few beers and slices then pops something in his mouth that he took from his pocket. Whatever it was, it calms him down and makes him disoriented. I use it to pump him for more personal information about him and his friends. He’s so fucked up, he talks for hours before passing out and needing my help to get to bed. 

NIGHT OUT

I give him 30 minutes before slipping back into his bedroom and digging through his pants pockets.  There’s a combination of Xanax, Zoloft and other pills I’ve never seen before. I shake him to see if I can wake him but he’s out cold. I’ve always known my brother was pathetic and this past week just reinforces it.  PTSD?  Really? Who the fuck gets PTSD from being carjacked? He got a bruise on his ass from hitting the ground and brand new X5 out of it.

I stay in his suit and identity, knowing I’m a better version of him. The power I have as Parker is intoxicating. I go to his home office and enjoy thinking of myself as him. I’m restless though, it’s only 10pm and I want, no, need to be acknowledged as Parker. I want to soak up his identity for a few more hours.

I’ve learned that Parker doesn’t have much of a gay life. He has a few stuffy pretentious gay friends that take in the culture of New York like operas, galleria openings and plays. He’s never been one to go out dancing all night in a thumping gay club. He’d rather put on a tuxedo and spend the evening drinking wine and commenting on art. I’ve seen many of his Instagram posts at the Kennedy Center or Broadway ‘being seen’. 

After a few minutes of debate, I realize as CEO of Thomas Financial, I can walk into my office anytime I like. Tonight would be the perfect time to check out all of Thomas Financial with no one around to question why I’m so curious. I pull on my suit coat, feeling my iPhone and wallet still in place. I run upstairs and grab my burner phone to reach out to a contact in the privacy of my office. I pull on my top coat, head to the X5 for my briefcase. Instead of driving the X5, I’m taking ‘my’ 911 since I haven’t driven it yet.

I find my way to work without the GPS, pull into my spot and stroll in carrying my briefcase—in full Parker mode. I’m greeted knowingly by security and acknowledge them as though I have a lot on my mind. Every door opens up for Parker Thomas as I approach them. After I hang up my topcoat, I head to my bathroom to inspect myself.

“Parker Thomas, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”  I extend my hand and introduce myself to the mirror.

“Shaun, of course I’m Stefan you idiot.” I run my hand through my hair per our secret identity agreement.

“Jenny, make sure to get Robert Duncan on the Christmas list, and did we file with FFIEC?”

“Ken, I can’t wait to see you and John tomorrow night for dinner. It’s been too long, I may not recognize you guys.” I speak into my sleeping iPhone and grin at my reflection. 

I tuck the iPhone back in my coat and run both hands through my hair. I head back to my office, pour myself a Scotch and take my rightful spot as CEO. From just four days of camera feeds, I pretty much know ‘my’ routine when starting work—log in, check email and respond as needed—return phone calls—review business bookmarks. I do it without having to think about it. 

After I’m caught up, I start my inspection of Thomas Finance. First stop is Shaun’s office where I pick up his personal photographs. His wife Susan is stunning. “You’re more stunning than the day you married Shaun. He certainly married up.” I laugh using Parker’s typical flattery. There’s a pic of me and Shaun golfing with two elderly gents. The one has to be his father because they look like twins, 30 years apart. The other has to be Susan’s dad. Good to know I’ve golfed with them before. I’ll have to study Shaun’s Facebook and Instagram before Sunday. There’s a wall with various business awards and golf trophies, just like mine. He has his own bar, bathroom and closet that are smaller than mine. 

I make my rounds checking out anyone with an actual office. That takes over an hour then I make a cursory round of cubicles. A few hours later and I know instinctively where my key people are located and some personal items about them. Back at my office I check out Jenny’s desk for personal information. My last act of the day is to call a ‘doctor’ highly recommended by Tommy’s list

“Dr. Harris, my name is Paul Thomas, I’m a friend of Tommy Long, I was his cell mate in Brookhaven. He said you might be able to help me.”

“Mr. Thomas, any friend of Tommy’s is a friend of mine. How is he doing?” 

“He’s doing the same, missing tennis, complaining about the food and politics. I’m looking for some help with something Tommy told me.”

“I prefer to meet in person, not discuss personal issues over the phone. Are you near New York?”

“Yes, nearby, I believe you’re in Brooklyn. I could stop by your office any time or I’d buy you lunch.”

“I’d love to do lunch, just had a friend cancel on me tomorrow if you’re available.”

“I’m open, pick a place and I’ll meet you there.”

“I’ll text you the details Paul.”

He kept that short and sweet. I lean back in my chair and tuck my burner phone away. Looking around the office, a sense of awe comes over me. I see ‘my’ Penn and Wharton diplomas on the wall and admire my class ring. A quick glance at my Rolex alerts me that it’s almost 2am—time to get home. 

SATURDAY

I wake up late to the smell of bacon waffing up the stairs as I head down the stairs. Parker is cooking up a storm in the kitchen. I’ve never seen him so alert and, dare I say, normal?

“Bro, let me run back upstairs so you can serve me breakfast in bed, and remember, only fresh squeeze OJ.” I order him. 

“Sit your ass down at the counter or you don’t eat.”

He’s running around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off.

“Are you on something?” I cautiously ask.

“Prescribed Uppers to get me going this morning. I’ve been sleeping too much lately, so it balances me out.”

“Greg or a real doctor?”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Shaun. Greg is a medical professional.” He plops a plate of pancakes and bacon on the counter. “Sorry, no OJ and you need to make your own coffee.

“And what happens later today? I’ll tell you, you crash and burn.” I get up and start making my own coffee. 

“Then I level off, back to normal.”

I laugh out loud. “Have you taken Uppers before? Apparently not.” 

He gets silent, doesn’t answer me then changes the topic. I drop it but know what I’m talking about. “I’m going to check on things in the office this morning, run some errands and pick up some stuff for California.”

“I’ve got to check on some things I have in a safe deposit box at Chase downtown, do a little shopping, maybe pick up some clothes of my own.” I skip the part about seeing Dr. Harris whose specialty is changing a person’s identity. According to Tommy, he has the ability to change someone’s fingerprint. I want to know if I can have Parker’s. 

“Your key is in the top drawer of my office desk. I’ll be gone before Annie get here, she’ll be tied up all afternoon cleaning up and restocking.”

“She’s funny, I like her. She’s concerned because every day this week, you were home sick from work. That’s what I told her.”

“Ha, that’s Annie.  She’s priceless. Shaun’s wife recommended her years ago. She’s worth every penny and does work for them occasionally. I better get out of here before she catches us.”

Parker grabs a plaid sport coat and heads out to the garage.  I follow after him and watch as he takes the Corvette for a change. I can’t in good conscious, leave this mess for Annie. I’m loading the dishwasher as she walks in.

“You cooked?” She laughs.

“Attempted. My cousin, who just left, is probably on his way to McDonald’s for a McMuffin, or the hospital to get his stomach pumped.” 

She shoves me out of the way and takes over. “I’m sure you have more important things to  do.” 

I head up to Parker’s bedroom, jump in the shower, use all his products and reuse his towels. I decide on a dressier outfit for emptying my safe deposit box. I finger through his sport coats and find a gray coat that’ll go great with black dress pants and casual knit sport shirt. There’s already a pocket square in it from the last time he wore it. I tuck my own ID and burner phone into my coat and head down to my office for a backpack to hold my stash. The safe deposit box key is still in the same envelope, tucked in his desk drawer. 

There’s no problem emptying my box—there’s only a thumb drive and $200,000 in cash. The thumb drive is the key. With its files and links, I now have access to another million in an offshore bank. With that task finished, it’s time to meet Dr. Harris.

He picked a sports bar near his office. I get there early and text him my description. A salt and pepper elderly man arrives minutes later.

“Dr. Harris, it’s a pleasure.”

“Same Paul. How’s my friend Tommy?”

“He’s fine, looking to getting out in a year.”

“He’s one hell of a friend so whatever you need, I’ll help with if I can.”

We order appetizers and beer, then get right to the issue.

“Doc, I want to start my life all over, as someone else.”

“Change of appearance? Plastic surgery, I’m assuming?” Dr. Harris questions.

“Hmm… the appearance I have nailed. It’s the details I need help with. Tommy mentioned some new technology for changing finger prints. That’s what I need.”

“Yeah, I’ve done about a dozen so far. It’s a new 3D printing process. The results are amazing.  We simply remove the epidermis then print on top of is with human skin cells. It’s like skin grafting but much easier.”

“How long does it take?” I’m fascinated by technology.

“The procedure takes about an hour per hand, followed by a week to heal.  The first day or two is painful but once you’re over that, it’s just waiting for the healing cream to work.”

“Healing cream?”

“Another new technology with gene stimulants that heal at the molecular level. Once the fingers are healed, there’s no way to detect they’re printed.”

“Great, can you give me someone else’s fingerprints?”

“I can give you an original design that’s not on any records in the world. Using someone’s else’s could cause problems, plus they’re tricky to obtain.”

“I want my twin’s fingerprints.” I cut to the chase.

“Now that’s a first for me.”

“Can you do it? I plan on taking his—”

He cuts me off. “I don’t need details, all I need is a scan of his hands. That would be the tricky part.”

“That’s the easy part.”

“You’ll have to have him knocked out, and scan them multiple times. I have the equipment at my office. It’s really easy to operate. Let’s go there.”

I follow Dr. Harris back to his unmarked office where he scans my fingers, teaching me how to use it on Parker. The procedure is $100,000  in untraceable crypto. He also will add a pimple  on my cheek to match Parker’s. I get home to an empty house and no Corvette in the garage. I take the scanner and hide it in the garage for use later. 

SATURDAY NIGHT

I’m in my bedroom watching video of Parker in his office earlier today. I study his responses to a few emails, hear him talking to Shaun, and logging into his dashboard, checking stats. He’s there all morning, then stops at Mac’s Hoagies for lunch according to his email receipts. I then track his iPhone and he appears to be heading home. I put my tech away, head downstairs and turn on the TV. Parker arrives 30 minutes later carrying a number of bags.

“Wow, did you buy out the store?”

“Yeah, I was slumming it. Refuge says simple wardrobe, nothing fancy—hoodies, sweats, short, t-shirts and sneakers. I blew about $700 at the Under Armour and Nike stores. God forbid, I almost walked into the GAP!” He laughs.

“You seem good today.  Zoloft?”

“Yeah, got me, but I didn’t take anything else. I’m not going to take a Xanax until I get home from dinner. What are you going to do?”

“Don’t laugh but no plans. I’m going to finish watching Yellowstone that I started at Brookhaven. I found it on your streaming service. Hey what about golf tomorrow? You feel like handling it?”

“Nah, but I called Shaun, asked him to pick ‘me’ up and drive tomorrow. It’ll be good practice being me.”

“Does Shaun know we’re doing this?”

“Fuck no, you’re going to be me, own it.”

“Great, 7am?” I whine.

“That’s why you’re getting your ass up at 6am to play and I’ll be in bed.”

“I’m going to need pointers for tomorrow i.e… who I’m playing with, what to wear, history of previous games.”

“It’s easy. Shaun’s dad is Shaun also, looks like him, avid golfer and lives on Long Island. His father-in-law is Ted, widower a few years ago, had a girlfriend last time we played. Shaun Sr usually wins then we get hammered at the 19th hole. Wear anything in my locker, it’s next door to Shaun’s. Oh, Shaun is about even with me, skill wise. Relax, it’ll be fun.”

He runs upstairs with all his bags while I continue watching TV. I was hoping he’d come back all messed up and allow me to go out with his friends. I’ll just use this time to catch up on my surveillance videos and check out the safe. 

30 minutes later, Parker comes downstairs all dressed up in a sport coat and silk dress shirt. He looks normal, the opposite of yesterday when he had his breakdown. 

“What do you think?” He asks.

“Great outfit. I’ll have to keep that in mind while you’re in California, wearing a hoodie.” I snicker at him. 

“It’s Prada—suit, shirt and shoe. Hmm, socks too.” He checks his Omega watch. “Okay, don’t wait up. You have to be up at 6am.”

“I’m looking forward to playing Ferry Point and being an actual member will be great too. While you’re at Big Sur, you should stop at Pebble Beach and play a round.”

“Been there, done that……a few years ago with Shaun. I nailed it like a pro, Shaun sucked, hitting balls into the Pacific.  We had a blast. Shaun cheated on Susan with another guest a redheaded bimbo.”

“Wow, his wife is stunning.”

“She was pregnant at the time, he was horny, she wasn’t into having sex, so that was his excuse. I was stuck alone most of the weekend, pissed me off.” 

“I get really horny, really easy. I need some so ‘you’ might be on the prowl soon.”

“Oh god, now I’m worried handing my life over to you. Behave, I’m well known in New York, have an image to uphold. Check my Instagram for the bars I like to go to, pick up someone from there. No trips to the Eagle or Manhole. Got it?” Thanks bro for more personal information.  

I am horny. It’s been months for any relief. I open up my clone phone and go through my Instagram. He was at Pronto Video Bar a month ago with Colin. It’s just a few miles away and it seems to be filled with hot guys. I’ll just stop by for dinner and see what happens from  there. 

What Parker wore earlier today really looked good on him, so it’ll look great on me. I run up to his bedroom and find the outfit on the chair. I strip out of my clothes and pull his underwear out of the hamper and step into them. I do the same for his socks. The pants are tan chinos, his belt is still in place. The shirt is a blue linen Polo brand. I’m learning that Parker’s ‘style’ is sticking with one designer for the entire outfit. I slip one of his Tag watches, add some rings, bracelet then check myself in the mirror. I look just like he did in his office all morning but minus his class ring and favorite Omega watch. 

I grab the same plaid sport coat he wore earlier and head out to the garage. Nice, the Corvette is sitting there for my pleasure. Pronto is a ‘hip’ place based on the cars in the parking lot and how people are dressed. There’s a bar section and restaurant, divided by a bakery in the middle. I head to the bar and grab a seat next to a group of guys. The bartender greets Parker and lays a chocolate martini down for me. While checking out the crowd, a guy catches my attention. He smiles and I hold my drink up to him and he comes over.

“Hi, I’m Chris.” He shakes my hand and gives me a sexy smile. 

“I’m Pau…Parker.” Almost using my real name on him.

“I’ve seen you here before, never had the nerve to say hi.”

“Same, you’ve got a killer smile Chris.” I give him a big smile and place my hand on his thigh. 

He leans in and kisses me deeply. It’s an incredible kiss. “I’m meeting friends here for a drink, then we’re heading to Dueling Pianos. You want to join us?”

“I’d love to but I have other plans I can’t get out of, just stopped for a quick drink.”

“Damn, you’re so sexy Parker.” He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for another kiss. We start making out right at the bar, losing track of time. All at once there was a ‘Ahem’ to interrupt us. There’s a few guys smiling at us. 

“Chris, sorry to interrupt you. Who’s your friend?” A sexy red head quips.

“Oh guys, hey, this is Parker. He’s an old friend.” He laughs.

“Hey guys.” I give them a small wave.

“We’re late, you coming?” A blonde guy asks.

“Yeah guys, give me one second.” He pulls out his phone and has me enter my phone number. I give him Parker’s number since it’ll be mine starting in a week. 

“Hey, Thanks Chris, you’re an awesome kisser. I’m going to be away on business this week, back Saturday. Call me then.”

“Sure thing.” He takes charge again, grabs my cock and kisses me one last time. 

Chris and his friends take off, leaving me with a memory of a great kiss and throbbing hard on in my pants. I can’t wait to hear from him, impress him with a great dinner then take him home to ‘my’ place to fuck him. This new Parker will enjoy his life more. 

I grab a quick bite then head home. In his office I review my social media, then log into his bank account and stock portfolio. The $5 million he offered to pay me is a drop in the bucket of his net worth. I jump in bed early to be rested for my golf outing tomorrow.

FERRY POINT

I’m up before 6am and jump in my shower. Since I’ll be changing at Ferry Point, I just put on what I wore last night. In Parker’s bedroom, he’s snoring away as I go over to him and quietly slip his class ring and watch off him. In his sport coat, I find my wallet and iPhone. In his bathroom, I borrow a spritz of his Polo cologne, and add some Pomade to complete the takeover of Parker’s identity for the day. Once again, I’m Parker Thomas for most of the day. 

I ease into my day just like Parker does—a K-cup of Starbucks, a power bar and catching up on my iPhone. Shaun shows up at 7am and rings the door bell. I grab my sport coat and greet him at door.

“Let’s go man.” Shaun greets me. 

Shaun’s best friend jumps into the Escalade and they take off. Like Parker, I make sure to bury my face in my iPhone and act chilled as if I’m on my Zoloft. 

“Another sandwich in bed last night.” Shaun complains, referring to Hanna jumping in bed with them.

I just laugh. “Ha, You’ve got to be horny as hell.”

“I am, I may make Mel the 19th hole if I can ditch my ‘dads’ today.”

“Ha, you are horny.” I don’t know who Mel is but can play along while studying my phone. 

“Looks like Tektonics is a hit, per Joel.” I change the topic to business mentioning an email from my VP of marketing on demographics.

“That’s great, now put the fucking phone down.”  He reaches over to me, plucks the phone from my hand and places it on the center console. “So how’s the jailbird coming along?”

I start off the conversation about myself exactly as Parker would—exasperated. “Paul is Paul. He’s smart, picking up our systems easily. I’ve been testing him about issues and he’s up to speed. When I try to teach him how to act like me, he ignores me, says it’s not important, that he’ll just sit in my office, do fancy lunches or be on the golf course.”

“Sounds like he’s not taking this seriously. Is he behaving himself? He seems like he could be wild to control?” 

“Last night he took off in the Vette without telling me where he was going. His license is expired and he’s driving my baby. He says ‘I’ll just tell them I’m you and forgot my wallet’ Says he doesn’t have time to get to the DMV to get a license.”  Knowing how much Parker loves his automobiles, I use his baby slang exactly as he would. “He’s more horny than you.”

“I doubt it, sounds like he was getting some in prison. I’m not getting any.” Shaun whines.

“I’m afraid this could backfire on me, destroy my reputation. I warned him last night before he took off to behave like me, keep away from the Eagle and Manhole. I got home about midnight, don’t know when he got in.”

“What did you do? And don’t tell me you stayed in and took a Xanax.”

“No, I did dinner with Ken and John at Darcy’s, they played match maker with me and their friend Jason.  I wanted to fuck him but don’t want Paul messing it up while I’m away.”

All the way to Ferry Point, I easily play Parker Thomas discussing work and personal issues with Shaun. As we’re getting close, I pull one of Parker’s headaches, putting my head between my hands. Shaun gets a little concerned but I assure him I’ll be fine. Its little details I want him to pick up on, to confirm my identity. 

Ferry Point impresses me as we pull in to the clubhouse and valet park. There’s an incredible view of New York but Shaun’s Cadillac is barely classy enough to be in the parking lot. The valet and host greet us by name.  I follow Shaun to our lockers and as Parker mentioned, mine is right next to his’. A swipe of my membership card opens it to reveal  everything I need for today. I follow his lead changing into my gear. 

Thanks to instagram and what’s in his locker, I nail his golf image—Nike golf shirt and long skinny pants, Nike golf shoes, matching Nike sweater and cap to keep me warm. I’m not shocked to find an Omega PGA watch in the locker to replace my usual Omega.  As I slip it on, Shaun notices.

“You know, Ted is going to steal that if he sees it. He told his wife he needs one and she told him no.”

“Ha! I’ll keep my sweater shortened so he can admire it more.” 

Shaun’s phone dings with a text message. “Damn, they’re waiting for us. I didn’t think they were here yet.”

I put on my cap, grab my gloves and follow Shaun out to the carts. Ted and Shaun greet us at our golf carts and starting giving us grief for being late. I look around and see my monogrammed golf bag in the back of one of the carts. I walk over and start inspecting my gear, appreciating my brother’s equipment. I start off rusty but quickly regain my skills. They start drinking early but I use ‘medication’ to avoid drinking. Shaun takes notice and slaps me on the shoulder as we’re walking together.  I have the best time playing with Parker’s accepting friends. 

Shaun’s dad finishes with the best score while I come in second after a rough start. Shaun accepts my story that the Zoloft mellows me out, improving my skills. At the 19th hole, I get to meet Melissa, ‘Mel’ who flirts with everyone but especially Shaun. At lunch, Shaun mentions wanting to meet my ‘cousin’ to see how he’s adapting to New York. When I get a minute alone, I call Parker to warn him of Shaun expecting to meet me at home. He sounds coherent when he assures me not to worry. 

Between playing 18 holes and the 19th hole, we get back to my house after 3pm. I’m whipped as we walk in the front door. Parker comes running out of the kitchen where he’s cooking something that smells like chicken. He’s in jeans and a t-shirt, his hair has no product in it and he’s barefoot.

“Hey, hope you’re hungry, I’m making chicken for dinner.” He sees Shaun and acts surprised. “Oh hey Shaun, there’s enough for you too.”

“You didn’t tell me you hired a private chef Parker.” Shaun says to me.

“Reserve your judgement for after you try eating it.” I respond.

“So are you ready for your close up Paul?” Shaun asks referencing Sunset Boulevard. 

“Test me!” He challenges Shaun.

“How many employees do we have?”

“75.” He answers instantly. “Up from 50 just two years ago. Thanks to accounts like Circuit Tech and Prime Medusa, we’ll probably hire 25 more this year. Our marketing department is weak.”

Shaun’s mouth drops open. “Wow, he sounds just like you Parker.”

“I told you there’s nothing to worry about. No one will doubt who he is.”

“I just need to get use to Parker’s stuffy image and that goo he puts in his hair.”

“Hey bro, it’s pomade and if you could look only half this good, you’d be lucky.” I snip back at him. 

“Okay you two, be nice. Paul, all you have to do is look the part, put some ‘goo’ in your hair and I’ll block and tackle.” Shaun checks his watch. “Hey, Susan is expecting me home and I’m late.”

FLIPOUT

Shaun lets himself out, I just look at Parker and let out a sigh of relief. “Wow bro, you were fantastic. I think you’ve nailed me completely with your answers.” I laugh at the twist.

“Bro, If Shaun doesn’t doubt you’re me, no one else will. I think you’re set. Hell, maybe I could get there early. The Refuge told me I could arrive anytime, so the sooner in, the sooner out.”

“You seem really good today, did you take your meds?” I ask cautiously.

“Hmmm I took something Greg gave me to try. Buspirone for anxiety and Aripiprazole for bipolar disorder, both are very safe.”

“Oh god, I hope I don’t have to deal with Greg, I might hit him. Toss them away and get to California for professional help.”

“Look at me, I haven’t felt this great in months. Greg will probably check in on you. He stopped by for lunch.”

“So you didn’t tell him about the Refuge?” I ask, worried there’ll be another person that knows about me.

“No, he’s a gossip and all of New York already knows about my PTSD or as he believes to be MDD, Major Depressive Disorder. I don’t want anyone but you and Shaun knowing I’m checking myself into mental illness facility.” He starts to get upset.

“Okay, I’ll be nice to him if he calls or stops by.”

Parker didn’t actually make a chicken, he bought a rotisserie chicken and some sides at Whole Foods. We eat dinner and talk a few more hours about work issues and his personal life. He tells me the Refuge doesn’t allow any distractions—no visitors, cell phones or computers. Parker Thomas is listed as his outside point of contact. So as him, I’ll be the only one allowed to call and check in with his doctors. Parker also hired a different, questionable therapist to diagnose ‘Paul’s’ PTSD and to get him admitted.

Before bed, he pops a Xanax to help him sleep. Thirty minutes later and I’m helping him up the stairs and tucking him into bed. It doesn’t take long for him to pass out but to keep him out, I slip a few Ambiens into his mouth. When I’m convinced he’s out cold, I grab Dr. Harris’ scanners from the garage to upload his fingerprints and mouth scans to his account. It only takes 30 minutes to scan both hands and his mouth.

I jump in bed and slowly fall to sleep while reliving my day as Parker. I’m dreaming of being in Thomas Financial’s executive conference room, in a board meeting discussing business condition. At the end, everyone is congratulating me about something. I’m giving my team, also in the room, credit for my success. As I’m leaving the conference room, someone is screaming in my ear calling me Paul. It gets louder and louder until I’m awaken by a hysterical Parker shaking me. 

I jump up in bed, my heart is racing like I’m having a heart attack. “Parker, what the fuck is wrong.”

“I’m having a heart attack.” He’s pale and sweating.

“It’s probably all the pills you’re taking. Did you have a bad dream?”

“I kept hearing a gun being cocked, feeling it against my head and begging him not to shoot.”

“You’re not having a heart attack, does your left arm feel funny?”

“Yeah, it’s numb.”

“No, do you feel a shooting pain up and down it? Numbness is not a heart attack, it’s from sleeping on it and cutting off circulation. Did you take any other drugs?”

He’s trembling, rocking back and forth on the bed. “No just sleeping pills, nothing else.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes!” He yells at me. “It was like a flashback. It felt so real.”

“You were so good before bed.” He is definitely displaying bipolar symptoms. “Let’s get you back to bed, it was just a bad dream. You’ll be fine.”

I help him back to bed and notice 5:12am on the alarm clock. I wonder if the sleeping pills he took and the Ambien I slipped him, caused this episode. Hours later I get up and check in on him. The shower is running so that’s a good sign.

JUMPING IN

“Parker, How are you feeling?” He doesn’t respond. “Parker?”

I walk into the bathroom but don’t see him standing behind the frosted glass. “Parker?” I open the shower door to shut off the water and find Parker on the floor, curled up in the corner, not moving.

“Oh my god, Parker” I jump in without turning off the shower and help him up. He’s catatonic, not saying a word. 

“I’mmmm kay.” He finally mumbles.

“No you’re not.” I pull a towel off the rack, wrap it around him and get him to the bed. 

“He came back. He’s pulled the trigger. I can feel it.” He rubs his forehead. 

“It was a dream, that’s all. Let’s get you some coffee, wake you up, you’ll be fine.” He’s rocking and staring out across the bedroom. I try to shake him, snap him out of it. “Come on bro, Taylor will be here to pick you up in an hour.”

“Go in for me. I can’t go in there like this.”

I’m not going to baby him like mom used to. I take the towel away and get him back in bed. In his bathroom I strip out of my wet boxers and jump in the shower. After a week of learning Parker’s identity, working Friday and spending all day yesterday with ‘my’ friends on the golf course, I’m certain I’m ready to takeover his life. 

I towel off and follow his routine using all toothbrush, razor and hygiene products. From his drawers I grab a pair of boxers briefs, put them on and pick out a pair of plain black socks. From his closet, I select a very conservative navy window pane suit by Brioni, a white collar  dress shirt, olive-navy tie and his usual clunky wingtips. I’m still wearing Parker’s class ring and watch from yesterday but will swap out the Omega for a Rolex. I sit on the edge of is bed, glance over my shoulder and see Parker sleeping again. I start the easy transformation into a CEO.

I pull on my socks, pull the pants off the hanger and step into them, then wiggle into the wingtips. I grab the shirt, pull it and select a simple pair of yellow gold cufflinks from ‘my’ jewelry box. In the dresser mirror, I button up the shirt and add cufflinks. I add the tie and use Parker’s typical Italian knot. It takes a few tries but eventually I replicate his typical dimple and the length is perfect. I pull on the jacket and notice there’s a pocket square already in place. I button the upper button, play with the pocket square and check myself out in the mirror. I take off my Omega watch and replace it ‘my’ Rolex. I tuck his wallet and iPhone into my suit pockets. The suit is a perfect fit and shows off my body in all the right places. My hair duplicates Parker’s style with the right amount of his Uppercut pomade. The final step is adding some pills to my pocket and popping a Zoloft to mellow me out. 

I quietly shut the door and head to my bedroom. I grab my cloned phone and snap a few pics of Parker. It’s crazy how much I look like Parker. A check of my new watch shows I have 20 minutes before Taylor arrives to drive me to work. I run downstairs and make a quick k-cup. I’m running around making sure I have everything I need for work. I grab my briefcase from my home office. From my closet, I find a beautiful, super soft navy top coat. As I’m sipping my coffee awake, I post my pic of my outfit on Instagram with “Ready for the corporate jungle”. Within minutes, my friend Ken responds with “looking good buddy” and others ‘like’ it. 

When I see Taylor pulling up, I pull on my coat, grab my briefcase and run out to his car. I start checking my emails and calendar on the way. Taylor drops me off and I confidently stroll in as Parker does every day, smiling and greeting everyone as my outgoing brother. As I’m hanging up my topcoat and suit coat, I scan my office, noting my diplomas and taking in the view of Manhattan. It’s unreal to sit down at my huge desk, and look at what I’m wearing. I’m now Parker Thomas and no one would doubt that. 

Jenny shows up a few minutes later, pops her head in to greet me and promising coffee in a few minutes. I start in with emails and checking my bookmarks. Jenny comes back with my coffee and her iPad. 

“You’re looking rested Parker. Good weekend?” She places my coffee on my leather coaster and takes a seat to review my schedule for the day as she always does.

“Yeah, great weekend. Dinner with Ken and John Saturday and Ferry Point with Shaun on Sunday. How’s the puppy?” Thank god for the video cameras. This ‘chit chat’ solidifies my identity to her, as it will with everyone else.

She giggles. “Lucy is picking up potty training but she’s chewing like crazy. Jonathan has to have her in his bed every night now. You were right, Pitbulls are excellent dogs for children.”

“Yeah, my first dog was a Pitbull and he was never mean or growled at someone, all he did was lick people to death.” 

I reviewed my day on the ride in but Jenny adds more details to it. It’s the usual start to my day. She leaves and I enjoy my coffee even though it black and I always drink it with cream and sugar. I’ll get used to it.   

I watch Shaun come in, grab his coffee and comes into my office. He shuts the door for privacy as he always does. 

“You know, your golf game may actually be improving.” He jokes with Parker.

“I think you’re right, I may have to start taking Zoloft before every outing. I didn’t feel my usual stress trying to win. I want a rematch with Ted, one of these days I’m going to beat him.”

“That maybe it for the year, they’re calling for snow possibly this weekend.”

“Not in California.” I reply back smartly. 

“Are you sure Paul will be ready? He looked goofy yesterday. Maybe we should postpone your trip a few more weeks. Some days you seem better, back to your own focused self.”

I sit up, take a sip of coffee and turn on the ‘Parker’. “He’ll be fine, he did party hard Saturday night. He went out, hooked up with someone and got drunk. I think he needed it and he swears he’ll be the ‘perfect Parker’.” 

“Okay, I’ve always trusted your judgement, you know that.”

“Relax. He’ll be fine.  He’s a fast learner, and has been studying our dashboard every day, reviewing my emails and asking a ton of questions. I’ve also tested him.”

“You’re right, he did impress me yesterday with his response to my question. But he didn’t look the part.”

“Once I put him in one of my suits and add pomade his hair, he’ll be me for everyone to see. Now get out of here, I have Yvonne to deal with and you have TriTech problems.” 

“Better you than me.” He chuckles about my Yvonne comment that I got from Jenny earlier. He heads back to his office while I admire my perfect Parker appearance in the reflection of my office window.

The morning flies by with meetings and phone calls. It’s surprisingly easy being Parker. I just make decisions based on the history I find or common sense. Before lunch, I shut my door and call my burner phone to check on Parker.

“Bro, you up?” 

He answers sounding barely awake. “Yeah, rough night last night. I don’t know what happened.”

“Greg’s fucking drugs. No more till you get to California and see a real doctor.”

“I’m seeing my therapist today, telling him I’m through and feeling much better.”

“You’re going to ‘see’ him to tell him that? I wouldn’t. Just call him.”

“I have an appointment at 1pm.”

“Oh that’s what Jenny asked about, it’s just marked as personal on your calendar. I told her uncle Jim was in town and you were taking a long lunch.”

“I’m not looking forward to it—“

I interrupt him. “Don’t stress yourself out, I’ll handle him. I’ll tell him I’m seeing another therapist that Greg recommended and thinking of a PTSD treatment center. You don’t owe him anything really.”

“That would be great, it’s Doctor Pomme, he’s in my phone.”

“I’ll keep it short and sweet. What are you doing today then?”

“I think I’ll start packing, hit the gym and get a ticket to fly out to California on Thursday. You okay with that?”

“So let’s not tell Shaun you’re leaving early. I just told him Saturday and he wanted me to postpone it a few weeks to make sure I was ready for the role.”

“That’s fine, I won’t mention a word to him tomorrow or Wednesday. No use in worrying him over last night or he’ll wonder why I’m speeding things up instead of taking a few more weeks.”

“Hey, what do you do for lunch?” I hit him up on basic personal information.

“Oh today with the doctor’s appointment, I’d just grab a sandwich from Mac’s Hoagie shop across the street, bring it back to the office to eat. Other days we’ll pile in someone’s car and go to Beef’s a few blocks away. There’s ‘Robey’s Dinner’ on the second floor, or the food court on the first floor. Robey’s has the best Philly cheese steaks on the planet. Shaun and Joel are always up for lunch since you pay.” He chuckles a little. 

“Now I’m hungry, think I’ll try the Hoagie shop.”

“Thanks a lot for doing this for me.” He hangs up.

“Not a problem. It’s like be kids again, kind of fun.” Plus I’m getting a new life out of this. 

As I was talking to him, I had another thought. Maybe I’ll take Shaun’s advice, hold off a few weeks, continue talking to Dr. Pomme and make a huge recovery. Paul Thomas will be the one in California for weeks, maybe months. It’ll give me time to figure out more of a plan for dealing with him.

RECOVERY

Dr. Pomme’s office is just a block away in the Liberty building. I get there a little early and make small talk with Marge, his receptionist.

I’m buzzed into the his office on time and greeted by a tall bearded individual with a bald head. “Parker, how are you today.”

“I’m feeling really good today.”

“Great, you look good, rested. New suit?”

“No, I’ve had this for years, it’s one of my favorites.” I relax into the chair across from him and cross my legs

“I was worried about you this weekend to be honest. I didn’t want you leaving so upset on Friday, not sure if you were having a breakdown or breakthrough.”

“Honestly I didn’t know either. I was scared, I had a flashback and it seemed so real. I was reliving everything.” 

“So what did you do when you left here?”

“I stopped for lunch and even had a beer. In my head I kept telling my ‘you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay.’ I went back to the office and finished my day.”

“That’s excellent, you confronted it head on and powered through your day. And the weekend?”

“Doc, Friday night I chilled at home, ordered a pizza and watched some TV. Saturday I worked out and had dinner with some friends in SoHo. Sunday I golfed at Ferry Point with Shaun and some friends. It was a great weekend all in all.”

“No depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety?”

“No, it’s like I’m a different man but the Zoloft is helping with the highs and lows. Maybe that’s it?”

“You do seem better, more at peace. I think this is a very positive event for you. No panic attacks all weekend? Not even a little?"

"Not one. I'm trying to focus on other things, positive things like friends and family and work. I think one Zoloft in the morning helps me not to overreact to situations. And working out helps me to sleep soundly."

"Excellent, excellent, Friday was what I was hoping for. Keep with the Zoloft for now." He pulls out his prescription pad and scribbles more Zoloft for me. My own bottle like the one Parker keeps near and dear to him, that's part of his identity. "I'll see you Thursday Parker."

I head back to the office with a spring in my step. Lunch is my typical Italian sub I eat while my phone is beeping like mad and my mailbox if filling up. Apparently, Parker must be busy because he hasn't responded to any emails this morning, only the new Parker has.

Shaun drops in with a big grin while I’m reviewing emails. “You’ll never guess who’s paying up and avoiding bankruptcy.”

“Hmmm, wild guess—Aerion?”

“Give the man a stuffed animal. Now you won’t be hounding me and Robert. They got a huge infusion of cash from Airbus.” 

“I’ll keep hounding and believe it when I see a $900,000 deposit in our account.”

“Cashier’s check hand delivered tomorrow morning.”

I turn to my computer and open our Chase account. “Don’t see it yet.” I grin at him like only Parker could.

“Wow, joking like old times. How did things go with Dr. Pomme?”

“Well as he said, I either had a breakdown or breakthrough after our last session.”

“I’d say breakthrough. You’ve never been normal but getting back to your abnormal self would be great.” He smartly mocks me.

“I thought about your comment about waiting till Paul is up to speed. You may have a point. I’ll see how I’m feeling after my session on Thursday.”

“One step at a time. Oh, you up for dinner with Ed Reynolds and his wife on Friday? La Dolce Vita…” He dangles the name like it’ll will entice me. I’ll have to find out what it means to Parker.

“Oh yeah, if I go to California, my flight leaves at noon on Saturday.”

“You need a ride?”

“Nah, thanks but I’ll have Paul take me. He needs practice driving around New York.”

Shaun continues to catch me up on his issues, Jenny keeps me on my toes and the rest of my day flies by. Taylor picks me up and gets me home about 6:30. Parker is watching TV and has a pizza in front of him.

“Bro,  how was work?” He wakes up seeing me.

“No problems whatsoever. Being CEO has its perks.  I ask and my staff provides. Jenny is a godsend.”

“I started going through some of your sent emails and other than you being lenient on Orion Tech’s blatant theft, you did great. I read a few wondering if I sent them myself, then looked at the time stamp and knew I hadn’t.”

“And you were always the softy growing up.”

“Not when it comes to business and Orion Tech is trying to screw us over. I’ll call him personally tomorrow.”

“Good to know. So Dr. Pomme was okay with you getting a 2nd opinion, actually encouraged it and the door is always open. He asked how I was after ‘our’ session on Friday, and I said I was fine.”

“That’s good because he’s Shaun’s father’s best friend and I’m sure I come up in conversations. Maybe I’m paranoid but Dr. Pomme could be used against me in ousting me from Thomas Financial.”

“Wow, small world huh? So you only took the Zoloft today? You sound good. By the way, you’ll be glad to know Aerion is paying up tomorrow, the full amount.”

“Yeah yeah, and I believe in Santa still too.”

“Shaun assured me, they got a huge infusion of cash from Airbus. Here’s something funny, Shaun says you should postpone the Refuge until you’re sure I’m up to speed being you. ‘Just a few more weeks’ he proposed. I told him I’d think about it and decide before Saturday.”

“He is totally clueless. But look at you—in my custom Brioni, hair slicked perfectly, nailing my executive image without my help.”

“Based on your wardrobe, it’s your only image and I can appreciate it. Plus your Instagram helps. You always have a pocket square tucked elegantly in your suit jacket, you always use an Italian knot with a single dimple and your favorite watch is your Omega, sometimes a Rolex like today.” I lift up my sleeve and show him. “You all set for California?”

“Packed and flying out to California on a redeye Wednesday night. Found a quaint Airbnb cabin on the coast in Carmel for a few nights. Sort of a miniature vacation before Refuge. I just need to get through the next few days without any breakdowns in front of anyone.”

“I can give you a ride, still know my way around New York.”

“No, that’s okay, I always use Execucab service. Taylor will bring me home as usual, I’ll change into something comfortable and have them get me to the airport.”

THE SWITCH

The next few days fly by. I’m at home watching Parker’s days unfold live in front of me. When he thinks no one is paying attention, he grabs his head as if in pain. He doesn’t wait till noon to start on the Scotch either. He’s taking three Zolofts per day—breakfast, lunch and dinner. He got through Tuesday acting and appearing like his normal self. I don’t know what happened Wednesday though, when he lost it with a customer no less. He went from nice charming guy to raving loon in five minutes on the phone with him. I’ll definitely have to apologize and fix it tomorrow.

He tells Jenny he’s got some errands to run and skips out at 3:30pm. An hour later Parker walks through the door looking exhausted and in a rotten mood. He barely says hello and runs up the stairs. I follow him into his bedroom while he starts stripping out of his work clothes, then jumps in the shower.

While he’s showering, I pick up after him, hanging up his suit after emptying his iPhone, wallet, pills and keys out of the pockets. He comes out looking refreshed.

“Wow, I needed that. What a day of meetings, customer complaining about terms he agreed to years ago, and IT wanting money for new equipment. I lost it at one point but luckily Jenny was at lunch and Shaun was meeting with Chase all afternoon.” He starts dressing in jeans, v-neck sweater and pair of his old Nike sneakers.

“That’s good. So I packed your backpack for you… noise cancelling headphones, iPad for entertainment and my wallet, passport and burner phone. My debit card is there and has about $10,000 in the bank, PIN is 0286, my social security number, just in case you need it.”

He digs through the bag, checking everything. He tucks my wallet into his back pocket but leaves everything else in the bag. “That’s great, I totally forgot about that. I plan on sleeping the entire direct trip. Oh, my PIN for everything is the last four of my social security—2308. I don’t know what I have in there but my black Amex is unlimited and if they call to verify a purchase, the PIN is 2308 also.”

“Oh, my class ring and watch Paul.” I remind him and he hands them over without hesitating. It slips easily on my finger with a perfect fit crowning me Parker. The Rolex is my favorite but tomorrow I’ll go back to my usual Omega watch. 

Nice, now I have complete access to his financial life. It was the only piece missing but I would have guessed it correctly. I tuck his wallet, iPhone and keys into my pockets. When he thinks I’m not looking, he sneaks his prescription bottles into the backpack. I help him drag his luggage down the stair just as the Execucab pulls in the driveway. 

Once he’s gone, my mind turns to my new life. Paul is gone, I’m now Parker and feeling great. I run up the stairs and slip on his favorite Omega. It’s 4pm and I can make it back to the office before 5pm. I strip out of my jeans and run to the hamper putting back on his socks and underwear he wore all day long. I jump into his pants, pull on his dress shirt then knot a perfect Italian knotted tie on the first attempt. I pull on the lapel vest, suit coat, tuck everything back in my pockets, including my pills and stare at Parker Thomas in the mirror. My hair needs a little pomade but after that’s worked in, I’m the epitome of Parker. 

On the living room sofa is ‘my’ briefcase and topcoat I wore earlier. In the garage, I grab the keys for the 911 and head back to work, finishing the day Parker started. People are starting to leave as I walk to my office. Jenny greets me with her usual efficiency.

“Parker, I didn’t think I’d see you back.”

“Oh, just a quick errand to pick up my baby at the Porsche dealer.”

“Well you didn’t miss much. IT put that request on your desk. Stahl called asking what you said to Ben Mosser to piss him off.”

“Have you seen Shaun?”

“I think they went to Beef’s for a quick happy hour, you just missed him.”

She looks at me with that ‘do you need anything else look’. “Well, have a good evening Jenny.” She grabs her coat and leaves. I hang up my coat and suit jacket and jump behind my desk. There’s a half glass of Scotch to finish along with one of the Zolofts in my pocket. 

First thing I do is call Ben Mosser and apologize for my outburst earlier. I blame it on some bad personal news and unfairly took it out on him. I promise to review the numbers again tomorrow and call him back. He accepted my apology, thanked me for the personal touch and was sorry for whatever happened. 

I call Shaun to check in. “Hey bro, Jenny says you were looking for me?”

“Just about joining us at Beef’s, we’ll be here for another hour at least, probably grab dinner upstairs. I have the night off, Susan and Hanna are having a mother/daughter sleepover at her sister’s house.”

“I’ll be right there.” Beef’s is just a few blocks away but I take an Uber for ease.

We’re there for hours talking shit, drinking and eating junk food. Shaun looks at me odd when he sees me drinking a martini. I whisper to him ‘no Zoloft all day’ and he gives me a proud squeeze on my shoulder. We move to the restaurant on the upper level for dinner and we’re there till 9pm. 

Afterwards, I head back to the office to pick up my briefcase and check on emails.  I just spent 4 hours with my best friend and coworkers, playing them perfectly. Here I am, in ‘my’ office wearing a beautiful $8,000 custom Brioni suit, $50,000 Rolex and $400 Brioni tie. I’m Parker Thomas and can now start making changes slowly. First I respond to a few emails. I then call Taylor and cancel his security services, telling him I’m working through my fears and this is a first step. The truth is, I have four gorgeous automobiles in my garage getting dusty. It’s time to get back on the horse is what I’ll tell Dr. Pomme and Shaun tomorrow. 

It’s great not having to worry about Parker as I enter ‘my’ home. I duplicate all his typical actions. I head upstairs, place my briefcase, wallet on the dresser then change into his pajama shorts and t-shirt. Back downstairs go to the front door, grab my mail and start opening it. I’m taking over every aspect of his life. 

My iPhone dings with a text message from a new contact.

Unknown: Hey sexy Parker how are you. It’s Chris from Pronto the other night.

His timing is perfect, but instead of texting him back, I call him immediately. 

“Evening sexy. I’ve been thinking of your kiss since Saturday.” I greet him.

“Same, you turn me on so much with your dimpled smile and sexy scruff. Can’t wait to lick it again.”

“How about I meet you at Pronto tomorrow night? Say 8pm, we’ll go from there. I don’t live far from there.”

“It’s a date Parker. Sleep tight babe.”

FIRST DAY 

I head up to my new bedroom, take off my suit and immediately fall to sleep in the California king bed. His usual alarm wakes me and I continue as Parker. I start to think of ‘my’ image today, how to look like my hot shot CEO brother. Scrolling through my Instagram, there’s a pic of him in a pinstripe double breasted suit from a month ago. He comments how it’s his favorite suit—now it’s mine. 

I actually love my new stylish wardrobe with it’s custom fitted suits, shirts and shoes. I adopt his ‘wall street’ image with the same custom double breasted suit, black pattern tie and pencil stripe shirt. It’s identical to what he wore a few months ago. It’s the perfect suit for my first day as CEO of Thomas Financial. My Omega, as usual, is my watch for today. 

Since I’m driving myself again, I take my X5 and get into the office early. It’s great being accepted as Parker. I’m in the office going through emails when Shaun stops in my office. He comes over to my side of the desk, sits on the corner and I rotate my chair to face him. 

I look at him odd. “What’s going on?”

“You beat me into the office Stefan?”

“So? I couldn’t sleep, didn’t take any sleeping pills.” I know he’s testing my identity.

“Stefan?”

“Seriously? You can’t tell I’m your best friend, your only friend?” I run my hair through my hair, per our agreement weeks ago. “You want to see my scar?” Without waiting, I stand up, lift my pant leg and show him my scar.

“Hey, no fair, I have other friends. It’s just that you’re in early, you drove yourself today and don’t look like death warmed over.”

“Do you want to check my fingerprints? How about your antics at Pebble Beach?” Thanks to Parker’s loose lips, I have a ton of personal stories about our relationship.

“Okay, okay, I’m convinced, you’re Parker.”

“I’m feeling really good. I didn’t get anxiety thinking of driving to work. I think the Zoloft was fucking with my brain. I decided to stop cold turkey. Dr. Pomme says to take ‘as needed’ so that’s what I’m doing.” 

“Wow buddy, I’m really happy for you. You seem sharper, I noticed it Sunday when you barely beat me.”

“Barely? I beat you convincingly, and made your dad nervous.” I look at him incredulously.

“Obviously, you’re on other drugs. What are they and share with me.” He laughs. “So are you ready for Cooper Inc today?”

“Yeah, all set for this morning, another reason why I’m in early.” 

“Well, if you need anything, let me know.” He stands up and heads to his office. He’ll never doubt my identity again.  I follow Parker’s routine naturally. Jenny comes in with my coffee and start reviewing my schedule. The Cooper team comes in and we review their request. It’s such a minor request and Cooper himself is a Penn Alumni also, so I sign off on the paperwork.  

At my therapist appointment, I inform Dr. Pomme that I’m back to driving myself and I’m cutting back on Zoloft. He’s delighted with my progress and probes the reason for this new found outlook. I googled PTSD recovery this morning and incorporated some great buzzwords into my explanation. Once he heard what he wanted, he’s thrilled with his success and agrees to see me on an ‘as needed’ basis. 

I stop in Shaun’s office when I get back and shut the door. He looks at me with a puzzled look on his face as I take my seat.

“What’s going on Parker?”

“I’m on an ‘as needed’ basis with Dr. Pomme now.”

“That’s great, what about the Zoloft?”

“I haven’t taken one in a day and a half now and I feel great. I feel so clear headed, the first time in months.”

“So what about the Refuge?”

“Well, you were probably right about Paul not being ready but now I’m feeling like I don’t need the Refuge.”

“Dammit, I’m stuck with you?”

“Ha, you’d be lost without me, and you know it.”

Back in my private bathroom I check myself in the mirror. I identity is flawless. My tie is perfectly knotted, my hair matches Parker’s and I have his cocky, confident demeanor. Slipping into my new life is easy thanks to Parker’s coaching and my own efforts.

The afternoon flies by without any major issues. Shaun lets me know he’s skipping out early to take his wife and in-laws out for dinner. He’s thrilled to hear about my date with a new guy, confessing he never liked 

At home I get ready for my date with Chris. I really like what ‘I’  wore out Saturday night with my friends, so I recycle it completely. It’s all ‘dressy casual’ Prada—light gray suit with long sleeve knit shirt and buckle dress shoes. I accessorize it a few wristbands and a less pretentious watch.

Chris shows up on time, we have drinks followed by dinner, then I take him home and we fuck most of the night away. Even though he’s a lawyer, he’s really impressed by my home and lifestyle—I was too a few weeks ago. He has to be downtown early so he’s up and out the door by 5:30. We make plans to see each other this weekend as I say goodbye. I jump in bed for another hour, reliving yesterday and last night in my head. 

TGIF 

Day two of being my brother. Having sex half the night and popping a Zoloft will definitely give me Parker’s usual strung out look. To look the part is becoming the easiest part of the day—jumping in the shower and picking an appropriate out. I keep it simple with all Tom Ford Bespoke, white shirt and simple white pocket square. It’s a less flashy look for me but Parker has worn very similar outfits over the past year according to his Instagram.

I drive my 911 Targa to work and pull into my spot just as Shaun pulls in. I get out, button my suit coat and grab my briefcase.

“Wow, driving the baby?” Shaun comments.

“Sure, no rain or anything today. I just got her back from the dealer and wanted to check her out.”

“Life isn’t fair. You get to drive that and I have an SUV with child seat in mine.”

“You could put a child seat in my back seat, you should buy one.” I joke back. 

“I’ll just borrow your’s then, see if it works for me.” He laughs and I laugh along. “So no problem driving to work? No panic attacks?”

“A little anxiety, I wouldn’t call it panic or fear. I’ve noticed it’s worst at night.” It’s plausible according to my research into PTSD.”

“As long as you’re okay bro.”

We stroll in together, just two executives starting their day. He heads to his office and I head to mine. Jenny greets me with coffee and my schedule when I get situated. She tells me the latest about her puppy and I tell her about my date last night. A few minutes after she leaves, ‘Paul’ calls me from California.  I get up and close my door to take it.

“Hey Paul, good to hear from you. How are things?”

“I lost Thursday.”

“You lost Thursday? What are you talking about? Too much drinking?”

“Well yeah, there was that too but have you ever had mushrooms? They’re amazing.”

“No, they fuck with your mind. You can OD on them too. They can cause hallucinations, and heighten other disorders like anxiety. Where did you get the mushrooms?”

“My buddy Johnny got them for me?”

“Johnny? You’re fucked up.”

“I’m fine, Johnny is my buddy, he’s the manager here.” He talks dopey.

“How far are you from the Refuge?”

“It’s just up the road, about 3 miles from here. I plan on checking in after lunch today.”

“That’s great. So listen to this, Shaun is still clueless about you being gone. He comes in your office, sits a few feet away, talks shop and hasn’t caught on. I told him I’m feeling so good being off the Zoloft that I’m having second thoughts on the Refuge.”

“He was never the sharpest tool in the nerf ball factory.” He laughs. “So just be me till I get back.”

“That’s what I’m thinking, then no one can say you had a breakdown and admitted yourself for treatment.”

“Oh my god! That’s devious but great! I’ll tell people it was all Shaun’s idea but I never followed through with it because I was feeling much better just talking to my therapist.”

“Yeah, as long as I can keep fooling Shaun.  Any pointers, shared secrets only you would know, things you share?” My brother starts spewing off everything they share. There’s so much history that I’ll have to listen to this phone call a few times to drill it into my head. As soon as I hang up with Paul, Joel and Shaun grab me for lunch and we just head downstairs for a quick one. I’m so at ease with Shaun after all I’ve learned. I’m back in Parker’s office when late in the afternoon I get a call from California.

“Parker Thomas.” I answer professionally.

“Mr. Thomas, this is Dr. Anoia from the Refuge. I’m calling to let you know your brother has checked in. We’ll be updating you as often or as little as you want. He does exhibit signs of PTSD but we haven’t done a full examination or test procedure on him.  These are all just initial impressions.  I want you to know, this looks like a case of complex PTSD, aggravated by the use of drugs.  This could take time to sort out but he’s come to the right place.”

“Please notify weekly of his progress or sooner if needed. What kind of time frame?”

“I’d guess two months max. We just need to cleanse him of what he’s taken and daily therapy.”

“Whatever it takes, money is no object doctor.” I play the concerned brother.

“Call anytime and once a week, we’ll email a summary of the entire week.”

“Thank you doctor.” 

Late in the day Shaun stops by, shutting the door. “Hey, so since you’re not going to California, looks like an Indian summer, Golf?”

“Sure, maybe I let you win. Who?”

“Joel and Todd, 9am tee time.”

“Sure I’m in, going to pick me up?”

“Ah, your turn buddy. Did you tell Paul about the Refuge yet?”

“Just that I was feeling better and he noticed it too. I’ll tell him tonight when I see him. I think he was getting worried about pulling the charade off. Between us, he probably could with you keeping an eye on him. Oddly, he doesn’t seem worried about money, just that he had a ‘stash’ in a safe deposit box and needed his key which I had in my safe.”

“Maybe he doesn’t need the $5m?”

I laugh out loud. “You don’t know Paul. He’s the tightest tight wad I know. He’ll expect it even if he only fills in for a day. Forget that he’s out of jail a year early, he’ll want his money.”

“Big plans for the weekend?” I ask like a friend.

“Hanna has a birthday party to go to tomorrow. It starts at noon and goes till about 5.”

“Just don’t tell me you’re dressing up as the clown.”

“Ha ha, not funny. How about I stop over tonight, order up some Pizza and watch the Johnson vs Gonzales match?”

“Sorry bro, I’ve got a date with Chris, a lawyer I met on the scruff app. We’re heading to Montauk, spending the night at his brother’s empty beach house.” I look at my watch. “I’m leaving as soon as you let me.” I fabricate an entire story to spend less time with him—less opportunity to giveaway my identity. After the last few days of being on stage, I just want some ‘Parker’ time at home.

“What about Paul?”

“Hell if I know, just as long as he doesn’t go out as me, wrecks one of my toys and gets me in trouble.”

PAUL BEING PARKER

I’m certain I could call Chris up and he’d come running over to my house but I’m taking it slow and really do want some me time. I leave the office early, get home and change out of my executive disguise. A long hot soak in my master bath helps me to relax. I dry off and change into my very own sweat pants and t-shirt I used to wear all the time. I’m going natural on the hair and skipping any jewelry.  For the first time in weeks, I feel like myself.

Dinner is just a pizza from down the street. When I go to answer the doorbell, I’m shocked to see Shaun greeting me instead of the pizza boy.

“Oh, ah hey there Shaun?” I question him, puzzled why he’s here. “Come on in. Parker isn’t here.”

Just then, the pizza boy comes running up the steps and hands me the pizza. I hand him $30, from my pocket and grab the pizza. “Want some pizza?”

I ordered my favorite—sausage and pepperoni, instead of Parker’s usual meat lovers.

“You’re a free man and this is your Friday night?”

“Well, when most of your friends are in jail or don’t talk to you, this is about it.” I explain the situation. “So Parker took off on some hot date, said not to expect him home tonight. He flew in the door, changed and took off. Mentioned not going to Refuge tomorrow, which makes sense if you’re fucking some stranger all night long.”

Shaun grabs a slice of pizza, takes a bite and tosses it back in the box. “Ewww, you need a night out bro.”

“What is with all the ‘bros’? You’re not frat boys.”

“We were frat boys, you wouldn’t understand. It’s hard to look at you and not see Parker.”

“Ah yeah, that’s normal for identical twins ‘bro’.” I use it back on him.

“Come on, let’s get out of here, get some real food and get wasted.”

“Okay, there’s the Rusty Nail just down the street, seems like a busy place.”

“No, Think big, think Manhattan. We have some of the best bars in the world just 40 minutes away.”

I moan. “Do I need to dress up?”

“Yes, of course, it’s Manhattan. Besides, you have a closet full of tailored suits upstairs at your disposal.”

“What if we run into someone that knows Parker, they’ll think I’m him. He might get pissed.” I pretend to be worried.

“So, you’re with me, and everyone will just think you’re him. Think of it as training.”

“Doesn’t sound like he’ll be needing me at this point. He seems much better.”

“I still think he should, can’t hurt. Run upstairs and change ‘Parker’, don’t want to miss happy hour.”

It’s ironic, my brother’s best friend helping me be his best friend after spending the last few days already as his best friend. “I’ll just wear what he wore today, it should still be on his bed from earlier.”

“That’s fine, and don’t forget the goo in your hair.”

“Great, so I’ll look like a pretentious yuppy banker.”

I run upstairs and start dressing in what I had on all day. I add a different watch and ring, because the real Parker would still be wearing his’. I work some pomade into my hair, part it perfectly and join Shaun in the living room. 

“Bro, you look just like Parker. Wow, if anyone sees us out, they’ll know it’s Shaun and Parker having out after work. He was wearing that same suit.”

“Yeah, it was on his lounge chair in his bedroom. Bro, let’s get out of here. I’m hungry and the pizza is cold.” I say in my best Parker impression. 

We jump into his SUV and he keeps looking over at me. “For the life of me, I cannot get over you two. In college he said he had a brother but nothing about being a twin.”

“Really, well I wanted my own life, so I went to Penn State. He stuck his nose up once he got to Penn—Mr. Ivy League.”

We park at the office, and walk to the Rusty Nail. As we get inside, Shaun looks around and whispers. “You’re Parker, I’m going to call you Parker from now to. Our coworkers, Tom, Joel and Todd are here standing by the bar.  Tom is sales, Joel and Todd are marketing.”

Shaun pulls out his wallet and give his credit card to run a tab. “You can’t be paying with a Paul Thomas credit card. The night’s on me, besides Susan will know I’m behaving myself if I’m with Parker. She really likes you. I’ll make sure to take plenty of pics and post them on IG.”

The only thing new about this happy hour is the bar. It’s my first time here but I’ve been out with these guys on Wednesday night. We’re there for hours eating junk food like wings, then watching the boxing match on TV. He’s coaching me on being Parker constantly, telling me details he knows about him. I got a good buzz on, while Shaun stopped halfway through the night. 

When we get back to the parking garage, he looks at me odd. “Let’s go back to your office.”

I don’t argue. “I don’t have a key.”

“I do.” He grins.

We pass security without questions and get up to my office. He opens my door and orders me to take a seat.

“Bro, you look just like Parker did today, just like him only he wasn’t shit face like you.” He laughs.

“Bro, have a little dignity for the CEO of Thomas Financial, will you?” I laugh too.

“Fuck you are him, that’s for sure.”

He tests me with some really basic questions and I pass with flying colors. I ask some questions back, even though I already knew the answers. We’re not there long, he just wanted to see me as Parker. On the way home I start laying the groundwork for Paul’s departure.

“So, since I’m probably not going to be needed, I may take off to Washington State to start over.”

“Really?”

“Sure, I have an ex that lives there, needs help with his brokerage firm. Not that I really need the job but have always loved Seattle. Between what Parker owes me and some money in a Cayman account, I don’t need to work that hard.”

“But if you’re not needed, you still expect to be paid?”

“Of course I do. He’s the one not holding up his part of the agreement. I’ve been studying for weeks now and from what I’ve seen, $5m is nothing to him. Come on, what’s Thomas Financial worth? His stock?”

“Wow, you may look like him but that’s about it. He did spring you from jail early, spent a half a million just doing that.”

“Yeah and didn’t visit me once in prison.”

It got quiet after that exchange but it’s exactly what I wanted. Once Paul is gone, he won’t doubt my falling-out with him or wonder why he doesn’t hear from Paul. I can’t wait till ‘Parker’ plays golf on Sunday with Shaun. He drops me off with a disgusted ‘Later’ brushoff. I don’t blame him, I don’t like Paul either—I make a much better Parker.

FREE WEEKEND

It takes a while to wake up after a night of drinking. It’s 8am—somehow I slept through the alarm and missed my session with my trainer at Lifetime Fitness. I find his workout bag and the trainer squeezes me in late. I’m there till noon working out. On the way home I start thinking about the rest of my weekend. I know I need to stop in the office to catch up on paperwork—approving payrolls, expense accounts and new spending like the IT request. While I’m downtown, I might as well hit up a few of my favorite mens shops. 

I’m Parker Thomas and need to think of myself as the only Parker Thomas and keep up his habits and mannerisms. I get home, take a quick shower and search my closet for a CEO appropriate outfit for a Saturday. I open up my Instagram and start scrolling through it while scanning his closet until something jumps  out at me.

Inspiration strikes when an almost year old post catches my attention—gray plaid sport coat, a black dress shirt and dark gray dress pants. I can’t see the shoes but Parker loves wearing loafers and I spot a light gray pair to go with everything. I dig thought the closet, manage to find the entire outfit, lay everything out on the bed and inspect it. It’s perfect—business casual enough for the office while casual for shopping on a Saturday. 

Transforming myself in Parker is always arousing—slowly adding each item, building up my image. When I look in the mirror, Parker is staring back from the mirror. I smile, check my hair making sure my part is perfect. I walk into my bedroom, over to my dresser and add my class ring and Omega watch. Once my iPhone and wallet are added, I’m ready for my typical work day.  

My favorite toy is the 911 Targa for sure. I jump in, retract the roof and put on my sunglasses. It’s a little chilly for an early winter day but I don’t care. I’m completely at ease in the office, following everything Parker did the past few weekends. Shaun calls as I’m finishing up. 

“Hey Bro.” I answer my frat brother.

“Can I get the death penalty for killing a group of 5 yr olds?”

I just laugh. “No, you can’t. It’d be justifiable childslaughter. That bad?”

“Yeah. I’m in charge of bouncy house. You in the office?”

“Just finishing up, going to do a little shopping, doing dinner with Ken and John. Is the bouncy house really bouncy?”  I laugh at him.

“Yes, almost broke my neck rescuing lil Alex who got stuck in a corner, believe me, it’s bouncy enough. Hey, don’t forget golf tomorrow. You don’t have to pick me up, I’ll just meet you there. I’ve got a list of errands to run now, like returning party crap for Linda.”

“That’s fine. I’ll see you there.” 

I pack up my office and head out shopping. First stop is ‘Pro Golf’, where I spend quite a bit of money on the latest golf clothes.  Based on the many receipts from my previous spending sprees, I do this every few months. I spending $1000 on new shoes, pants and shirts. I make sure to keep with ‘my’ conservative style. 

The next stop is Garrison Bespoke on 5th Avenue. From what I’ve seen in my closet, a third of my suits are Garrison. There’s a receipt to pick up something a few weeks ago, which Parker hasn’t bother to do. I’m recognized and treated like royalty as I enter the store. I’m taken to a private changing room where I try on my new custom suit. It’s a new navy 3 piece suit with a lapel vest. The fit is as expected—perfect. A team of salesmen help me select a few ties and shirts to match with it. I select a few more items, spending a few thousand on shirts, ties and a leather jacket. 

The X5 is loaded with my purchases and it takes a few trips to unload at home. I help myself to some wine, take a break when my friends Colin and Jeff call to do dinner tonight. I accept and also invite Chris along to start meeting ‘my’ friends. It’s a fun evening with them and probably our last Saturday get-together if Oklahoma is the success Jeff expects it to be. I spend the night at Chris’ downtown but don’t sleep in due to golf with Shaun. 

The next day I get to Ferry Point early to have a relaxing breakfast on the patio but also check out the place. I call Shaun and he agrees to meet me at 8 am. I’ve already changed and having coffee when Shaun shows up with a pat on the shoulder and a big smile for his frat bro. 

“I shouldn’t be playing today, my back is killing me.” He whines.

“Making excuses for losing already?” I counter him.

“It’s true, those 5 year olds worked me over. My back from that damn bouncy house, then hauling Hanna and others on my back killed my knees.”

“Whatever bro, you’re buying drinks at the 19th hole later regardless of your excuses.” I laugh at him.

“So I need to give you a heads up on something that happened.”

“More delays in finance? I’m expecting it.”

“No, it’s about Paul.”

“Paul? What about him?” I look at him puzzled but have been expecting him to bring up Friday.

“Have you spoken to him about maybe not needing his services?” He says discretely. 

“Not really, haven’t seen him since Thursday night. He noticed I was feeling better and told him I was putting off the Refuge for a week or two, to give him time. He seemed happy for me, maybe relieved for himself? Why?”

“I spoke with him and he got bent out of shape when I mentioned it. Said you would still owe him $5m regardless.”

“When did you talk to him?” I question.

“Friday night, I stopped by on my way home to drop off the IRS filings for you. He was there and we started talking. You’re right, he would need more time to be you. I did test him on some things and he was passable as you.”

“He didn’t say a word about it or the filings?” I question him.

“He’s a little rough around the edges but he could do it just based on looks. Get him in one of your suits and no one doubts his identity. I felt bad for him, alone on a Friday night ordering pizza, wearing sweats like housewife, no real friends so I took him out.”

I look at him oddly? “You too him out? Where?”

“Just to the Rusty Nail for happy hour. He had a blast.”

“You had him out in public? Was anyone at the Nail?”

“Tom, Joel and Todd. We did happy hour, then dinner.”

“Jesus Shaun, what were you thinking, introducing him to those guys?”

“Relax, they thought he was you and they didn’t question a thing.”

“How could they not? What, I just went home and changed into jeans while they were working?”

“Well, he borrowed your suit from earlier and they had no clue he wasn’t you. He shot the shit about the Eagles and Flyers—.”

I cut him off. “So you had him impersonate me, wear my favorite suit and then what? What else?”

“Nothing really, I took him home and we started talking about how much better you’re doing,  and that’s when he talked about the money. He talked about some money in the Caymans and moving to Seattle and taking a job with his ex.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how much money he managed to hide but I held a safe deposit key for him and he went there to retrieve some things. He didn’t say what. I hope he does go to live with his ex, I don’t want him living with me. He asked to borrow my Vette to drive out to Portland to visit him. Paul doesn’t have a drivers license, if he got pulled over, he’d try to tell them he’s me and that ‘I’ forgot my wallet. He was pissed I said no but driving across country without a license is insane.”

“He said Seattle, not Portland.” Shaun corrects my fake mistake.

“Whatever, it’s on the other side of the country and that’s fine by me.”

Shaun shakes his head in disbelief. “I told him you paid a lot of money to get him out but he’s pissed you never visited him. Are you going to pay him the $5m?”

“Are you nuts?  He probably has $10m squirreled away in some Cayman account. I did enough for him while he hasn’t done a thing for me.” Actually its more like $5m.

“Just don’t burn bridges, you may need him. Maybe you’ll need a kidney someday.”  

“With the way he drinks, he’ll be needing a liver from me.”

“Yeah, he did knock down a lot of beer Friday, no martinis,”

“So I was drunk in front of everyone. Beer, yeah that’s Paul.”

“Tom was hammered. Joel drove everyone home.”

“Don’t do that again. I sort of hate him being out there as me, and you helped him.”

“Oh come on, He did a decent job as you. Unlike you though, he kept the shop talk to a minimum.”

Todd and Joel shows up at this time. We finish our talk and all head out to our carts. We have a blast and I beat everyone. Joel and Todd are hacks, and I manage to convincingly beat Shaun. At the 19th hole, without Ted and Shaun Sr there, Shaun slips his phone number to Mel and whispers to her. 

IN PLACE 

I’m excited to be back in the office Monday. I’m impeccably dressed in my new Garrison Bespoke 3 piece suit, custom shirt and ties. I add a pocket square as is ‘my’ style. His style is now mine. Having his wardrobe helps but I also make sure anything I purchase reflects his tastes, not mine.

My life unfolds easily with no one questioning my actions or identity. When Shaun mentions ‘You’re back to your old self’, I know he won’t be questioning my identity ever again. I’m running a billion dollar company as well or better than Parker. I’m meeting clients, having lunches and happy hours with Shaun and other friends. 

I’m still learning a lot about Parker’s life daily but its subtle learning. I use all of ‘my’ friends and contact to fill in little details. Shaun’s wife ‘reminds’ me of our joint vacations or other special event. Jenny is the office gossip and fills in other events. When Paul returns, I’ll then hit him up on his perspective on them. 

I tell Shaun that Paul is whoring around, finally got his license and busy connecting with old friends. He doesn’t seem too enamored with Paul anymore after our happy hour. He’s not happy that I’m considering paying him the $5 million.

I hear from the Refuge that Paul’s the first week was tough. He tried to smuggle in his meds, stitched into the lining of his luggage. Blood tests revealed them, and a detail search uncovered them. Withdrawal was painful for him, preventing any real therapy. He was demanding to be let out, but I’m the only one who can approve it.

Things are getting serious with Chris. The sex is great, and he’s not clingy. He’s met all my friends, and attended Oklahoma with me, Shaun and Susan. My personal life has never been better. Winter is here finally so no more golf at Ferry Point but planning our annual ski trip to Killington VT. 

Refuge’s doctor reveals that Paul has entered the ‘controlled medication’ phase and his response is very slow. He’s started daily therapy, and will slowly phased into group therapy next week. They estimate at least two more weeks of treatment.

Four weeks as the only Parker and things couldn’t be better. We’ve landed a key new client thanks to my quick thinking on long term financing options. Shaun was thrilled with my outside-the-box thinking. We celebrated with a long happy hour at the Rusty Nail. I’ve replaced Parker completely. I have his work habits as my own. His style and attitude are now mine.

Thomas Financial’s quarterly board meeting is the typical event lead by the CEO. I just studied the recordings of previous meetings and build on top of them. It was stressful leading up to it but once I kick it off, I’m Parker Thomas. I easily handle questions about Thomas Financial, the upcoming dividend and future growth. Afterwards, board members come up to me, congratulating me on ‘my’ handling of the company. No one dare mention my personal health issues but my performance proved that it’s all behind me. 

The latest update from Refuge sounds a very positive.  He’ll be back in a weeks, able to take back his life. I need him in place for a week while I have my fingerprints changed. I’ll use his week to sow doubt of his identity and reinforce to Shaun and others  that I’m Parker.

I start setting the groundwork for his return. I have my teeth whitened so that Shaun will notice ‘Paul’s’ when he’s in my office. I keep my regular haircut appointment with Steve Bonacorsi but have him give me very short sides. When Paul gets back, he won’t be able to go see Steve for a haircut so he’ll end up with a supercut style. When I debrief Parker about the last month, I’ll leave out details like Shaun hooking up with Mel, or some of my business deals. It’ll be little details like these that’ll catch Shaun’s attention and have him questioning who’s who. 

THE RETURN

I’m in my office Saturday morning reviewing paperwork when I get a call from my old burner phone. Parker must be a free man and it’s time to put my plan to work.

“Hey bro.” I answer the phone.

“Oh man, it’s good to be out of that place. I’m at O’Hare waiting for my flight, I get into JFK about 3pm, AA flight 273. Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll see you then.  So was it worth it?” 

“I still have nightmares at night, not every night just once in a while. My anxiety is gone, so yes I know it helped, but will it come back.”

“That’s great, I’ll see you then.”

I take my time finishing up in the office then head directly to JFK. Parker’s plane lands on time and I text him my location at arrival. There’s a tapping on the hatch of the X5. I pop the  opener.

“Hey Parker.” Parker greets me with his name, and jumps in the front seat. He’s in the same clothes he left in but he needs a shave and haircut as I expected. 

“Wow, I guess I look more like you than you do, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think about a haircut till I saw you. How’s my baby?”

“Don’t worry, I only put 10,000 miles on her.” I joke back knowing he’s talking about Thomas Financial.

“No, how’s Thomas Financial?”

“It’s never been in more capable hands. It’s in better shape than when you left it. I had to handle the board meeting but I had previous board meeting videos to study. I purchased a new Garrison suit for it even.”

“So does Shaun know I’ve been gone? Were you discovered?”

“Paul, look at me. He didn’t doubt anything. I told him ‘Paul’ flew to Seattle to visit his ex. That ‘you’ve’ been whoring around, connecting with old friends. I told him I recovered thanks to Dr. Pomme. His only concern was ‘Paul’ wanting his $5 million for doing nothing for me?”

Parker laughs. “Ha, It’d be funny for him to see me like this and I get to play you. Maybe shake you down for $10m in front of him.”

“Hmmm, that would be fun. He was saying he’s alone this weekend. Susan is taking Hanna to see grandma in Philly, so he mentioned about watching the game tonight at his place. I could bring my brother, I’m the only one he invited.” 

“That would be funny but we can never let him know he’s been played for weeks. He’d get pissed.”

I hit the talk button and order Siri. “Call Shaun.”

“Hey Bro.” He greets me, while ‘Paul’ watches. 

“Hey so you still good for game tonight?”

“For sure, pick up some Stromboli will ya?  I have the drinks cover.”

“No problem, I just picked Paul up at JFK, I’ll bring him unless there’s other people coming?”

“No, just us three. I didn’t feel like a major get together. Joel and others are heading to Brewser’s downtown.”

“We’ll see you about 8 then.” I hang up the phone and ‘Paul’ laughs at me. “Shaun is brilliant in the office, but not too bright with people.”

“That’s why I handle the clients and employees, while he handles the finances.”

WRESTLING MATCH 

We get home about 5pm and Paul jumps in his bathtub and soaks. He doesn’t bother to shave his beard and asks for my help in becoming me. I dress him in old Levis, sweater and sneakers. I don’t let him wear any of his dressy coats, instead, forcing him into an old North Face ski jacket and skull cap. Meanwhile I go full Parker staying with my Saturday office outfit—brown plaid  sport coat, tan dress pants and a blue dress shirt.

‘Paul’ comes down looking nothing like himself. “Paul, you look refreshed after a long day.”

“Look at you, the spitting image of me. I know I’ve worn that outfit before.” He questions.

“Yeah, I found it on your Instagram and duplicated it. So can your respond to ‘Paul’?”

“What do you think I’ve been doing at the Refuge for the last 6 weeks? So yes, I’ll make sure to keep in character too.” He runs his hand through his  product free hair. “I’ve kinda gotten use to not having ‘goo’ in my hair but looks like you’ve adapted.”

I reach over and mess up his hair. “So how was the ex?”

“We fucked like bunnies for weeks. It was awesome. I needed it after prison. I think I’m moving out there with him.” He laughs. “Shaun is squeamish about me talking about gay sex, it’s don’t ask, don’t tell.”

“Wow, you had a great time.”

“Just give me the $5m you owe me and I’m gone. Can I take the X5 to help me move?” He keeps in Paul mode.

“You didn’t do a thing for the $5 million, I spent a couple hundred grand bailing you out. You should be repaying me that. Rent a Uhaul.” I stay as Parker. “Wow, that was me completely. What did you have to do to spring me from jail?”

“Easy, I hired Gavin Fields, the best attorney in all of New York, paid him close to $200,000, and shopped around for a doctor about my mental issue.”  He gives me enough information to search for emails, payments to figure out the details. 

Parker actually sounds normal, no nervousness or drowsiness. I’m watching his impersonation of me and realize I have no desire to be that person again. We talk for an hour, then head to Shaun’s place. I added the address to the GPS earlier but Parker guided me there. I walk in first without knocking and call out ‘Hey Bro!’—as Parker suggested but didn’t need to. Parker is carrying the stromboli and asks where Shaun wants the food. Before we walked in, Parker filled me in on where the kitchen and bathroom are, so I’d know it like he does.

Shaun grabs some plates and starts serving the food. I help myself to the wine he has on the counter, while Parker grabs a beer from the fridge, asking first. We have each other’s identity down pat. We carry everything into the family room, in the back of the house. 

Shaun looks at ‘Paul’ and shakes his head in disbelief. “I definitely can’t mix up you two any more.”

‘Paul’ jumps right in. “When you’re busy fucking raw like bunnies, there’s no time to shave or get a haircut.”

I put my hand on my head and do a shameful nod. Shaun cringes. “Ewww too much information Paul, please, I’m not homophobic but I don’t need to know that.  Just say ‘I had a great time with my friends.’

“Paul, Shaun is kind of a prude. I don’t think he kissed his wife at the wedding.” I jump in and poke fun.

“Ugh, you breeders.” Paul laughs at Shaun.

“Well it sounds like you had a good time. You going to move there or just mooch off your brother?” Shaun bluntly asks.

“Yeah, that’s the plan. Take my $5 million, move out there or Hawaii and party.”

“$5 million for what?” Shaun gets cocky.

“For all my work, only to have it wasted.”

“Well, looking at you now, it doesn’t look like you’ve done much work on it.” Shaun digs deeper.

“I don’t have to prove myself to you. This is between me and Parker.” Now ‘Paul’ is getting pissed by his attitude.

I jump in. “Hey guys, calm down. It’s all good. Look at me, I’m fine!! Thank god for Dr. Pomme and that I didn’t need Paul. I did put him through a lot of shit. Shaun, you don’t know how I grilled Paul while I was strung out on Zoloft.”

“I could have fooled you easily Shaun.” ‘Paul’ gets cocky. 

“I doubt it.” Shaun mumbles. “The game is coming on, grab a drink.”

I grab my wine glass, head back to the kitchen and refill my glass. They’re not paying attention to me, so I head back to where the bathroom should be. I shut the door, relieve myself and relax. That was an intense exchange but Parker really played me perfectly. When I get back to the family room, they’re both intensely watching the game. We’re there for hours having a great time. I can’t believe how tense things are all night long. At the end of the night, Parker keeps up the charade, asking where the bathroom is. 

When he’s gone, Shaun whispers to me. “Bro, your brother is an ass. Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking of paying him a dime.”

“No bro, I’m just humoring him. I’ll get him out of the house.”

“Good, let me know if you need hel—“ Just then ‘Paul’ returns to the kitchen.

We thank Shaun and head home. Once in the car, Parker turns to me. “Wow, he didn’t like me at all Parker.”

I laugh out loud. “No, you were obnoxious and rude to my best friend.”

“It was funny fucking with him and seeing you play me flawlessly.”

“He’s just being protective of me.” I smile at him. “Hey, now that you’re back, I’m going to Detroit for a week. Remember Jim Yates?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“He invited me to visit for a week, hang out. We’re probably going to fuck like bunnies.”

“I’m jealous.”

“Oh my god, I totally forget. You have a boyfriend.”

“What?”

“He name is Chris Horvath, you’ll love him. I met him at pronto.” I show him pics of him.

“Fuck, he’s hot, thanks Parker. If I get laid that’s worth $5m.” He smiles at me.

“You have dinner with him Tuesday at Darcy’s, then back to his place. He’s a bottom.”

I drive us home and fill him in on his new boyfriend. He’s more interested in Chris than what he missed at work. 

DETAILS

The next morning I have Parker drop me off at JFK to catch my fictional flight to Detroit. Once he’s gone, I catch an Uber to Dr. Harris’ facility. He immediately gets me in for surgery. Parker is planning on getting a haircut, then head into the office. He says he’ll probably call me with a dozen questions. He didn’t think to take pics of my hair. He’ll probably get his regular haircut that Shaun is sure to notice, since he noticed my short sides last week. I may not be readily available to help him with his job questions. 

I’m knocked out and wake up a hours later, groggy with a sore mouth and my hands bandaged like a mummy’s. My hands and mouth are numb. My first worry is how I’m going to use the bathroom. Dr. Harris comes in with a nurse carrying my dinner.

“Paul, it was a very simple and successful procedure. You and your brother have similar fingerprints which made my job a little easier and will help you heal faster. The tooth took a little longer than we thought but you’re good now.”

“That’s great doctor. Thank you.”

“We’ll check back tomorrow morning but for now, eat and get some sleep.”

I’m given some Ambien and pass out for 10 hours. The nurse wakes me up with breakfast and helps me get cleaned up. A few hours later Dr. Harris comes in and unwraps my hand. He’s thrilled with the results and says I can probably go home tomorrow. My fingers are dipped into a flesh color gel then wrapped individually, a little less tightly. Parker calls my burner phone but I let it go to voicemail. I open up my MacBook and start checking my feeds.  

Yesterday’s video show him arriving to his office with a haircut and shave. His hair doesn’t match mine on the sides and Shaun will notice that detail. I switch to the live feed and watch him get into the office. He follows his routine, Jenny brings him coffee but he hardly talks to her. Parker has this intense look on his face as he starts on email.

Shaun walks in a few minutes later, shuts the door and takes his usual chair. “Hey Bro, was I too rough on Paul?”

“Oh no, he’s fine. Hell, he took off to Detroit to visit an old trick. I think we’re better as brothers than roomies. He’s trying to figure out what to do with his life.”

I catch an odd glimpse on Shaun’s face. “Did you get a haircut?”

“Oh no, just styled it differently.” He dismisses the question. 

“Don’t forget we have lunch with Reynolds today at Ghezzi’s.”

“We do?” Parker looks at his watch, which isn’t his usual Omega but a more casual Tag for some unknown reason. “Grab me when you’re ready, you’re driving.”

From my hospital bed I keep an eye on his day, watching his office and following his emails and phone calls. He’s getting up to speed slowly, making mistakes. Where I had weeks to study his work life and was accepted as him, He’s been gone six weeks and didn’t feel the need to be debriefed by me. Parker has always been arrogant like that.

On Tuesday, Dr. Harris comes in and unwraps my hands. There’s pink patches only on the tips. They’re a little sensitive but I don’t have any trouble using them. He puts them on a scanner and they’re a 99.8% match for Parker’s. I’m discharged and check into a hotel not far from Parker’s home. 

I spend another afternoon watching the feeds and keeping up with Parker. The moment I’ve been waiting for happens. Shaun walks into Parker’s office after lunch and shuts the door. He takes a seat and gets a serious look on his face.

“I think I have a small problem ‘Stefan’.” He says, looking at Parker, waiting for a response. 

“What is it Shaun?”

He tries again. “Stefan?”

Parker looks at him oddly. “Spit it out.”

“Ahh never mind, I’ll handle it.” He stands up, shakes his head and leaves. 

I pick up the phone and call Parker to check in.

He greets me oddly. “Hey man, how’s Detroit?”

“Great, I’m having a great time, although Detroit is kinda trashy. How does it feel being back to work?”

“Ah challenging. Step away for a few weeks and there’s a ton of changes. From what I see though, you did a great job covering for me.”

“Ready for Chris tonight?”

“Yeah, we talked last night for an hour. Between your text messages and what you told me, I’m ready for a great night.”

“His penthouse is sweet. Are you going to spend the night? I did, then got into office early and borrowed one of the outfits in your closet.”

“Yeah, I need to spend more time here anyway, so work late, then dinner, then sex.” He’s excited about getting laid for the first time in weeks. I give him details about Chris’ home so he knows the basics.

“Hey, I need to get this call.” I pretend to get another call. 

AUTHENTICATION

This will work out great for tonight. I take an Uber to Parker’s place and make myself at home. ‘It’s good to be home.’ I think to myself as I walk in the door. From my burner phone I call Shaun. He answers unsure of who’s calling.

“Bro, how’s your new CEO?”

“Parker?” He questions.

“Surprise!” I laugh. 

“I knew it, your scumbag brother is in your office. I can see him and he’s not on a phone.”

“How is he doing? He called me asking about you calling him Stefan so I assumed the gig was up.”

“Honestly, he seems okay at filling in for you, work wise.”

“Yeah, he’s calling me ever 5 minutes for advice.”

“What’s going on? Why is he in your office and not you?”

“Long story but this started Saturday night. Please don’t tell him you know, let him play me. There’s no major events on my calendar for him to fuck up.”

“Fine, I’ll do that for you but I’d love to rub it in his face that he didn’t get away with it.”

“Calm down, just a harmless prank and I needed some time off for me.”

“You’re home?”

“Yeah, thinking of happy hour though at Brewser’s” 

“Tell you what, I’ll meet you there.” He’s happy to be talking to his best friend. 

I run up to his bedroom and get ready for happy hour. Parker is in my favorite suit, but this Parker will be more casual. In the shower I check out my fingers. They’re still a little tender as I use them to work pomade into my hair but the redness is mostly gone. 

For a dressy casual outfit, I put together an outfit that screams Parker. It’s a gray glen plaid Tom Ford Bespoke that looked good on him in some Instagram posts. I add a vest and pocket square as is ‘my’ style now. On his dresser is his Omega watch he normally wears. From his jewelry chest, I add some wristbands and snag a pair of sunglasses. I stare in the mirror and smile, knowing tonight I’ll confirm my identity to Shaun. 

I jump in my 911 Targa, get to Brewser’s early and text Shaun that I’m in a corner booth. I’m the epitome of Parker in a stunning outfit, sipping cabernet sauvignon, eating his appetizer and fixated on my phone. He joins me 30 minutes later, plopping his ass across from me. 

“I knew it! I knew right away Monday morning he wasn’t you when I looked at him. His hair was different than your’s. He denied getting a haircut, not knowing you just had a haircut last week. The funny thing was that ‘your’ hair grew back from Saturday, especially on the sides ‘Stefan’.” He stresses the Stefan on purpose.

“Really? You can’t tell the difference? Wasn’t he still in my office when you left?”

“Yes someone was there, and he couldn’t have changed and beat me here but just humor me.”

I brush my hand through my hair. “Got that?”  Then I stand up, pull my pant leg up and twist my leg towards him. “Satisfied?”

“You wouldn’t believe the thoughts I had, wondering if something nefarious happened to you. That you were locked up in a prison like ‘Man in the Iron Mask’.” 

“Oh come on, it was just a little prank.” I laugh, sit back down, fix my cuff and sip my wine. “Ha, After his attitude towards you Saturday, he’s lucky you don’t have him locked up, with my help.”

“I got home Sunday night and he had gotten a cheap hair cut and cleaned himself up. He started in on how he could fool you easily. In leu of the $5m agreement, I made him a $2.5m bet he couldn’t, and was sworn to secrecy. It ends tomorrow. I’m… we’re going to let him win. Got it?”

“Why?”

“Because it saves me $2.5m. He wasn’t happy about me reneging on the $5m and siding with you. I told him I had my doubts he could be me, so to prove you and me wrong, he challenged me.”

“You’re always a pushover. The more time I spent with him, the more I could see the differences.”

“Like what?” I’m curious how he can tell.

“Well, the hair was the first giveaway, the scar but that’s hard to see. Oh your teeth are always whiter. He probably didn’t have good dental care in prison.” He laughs at his put down. “What confirmed it for me was today with ‘Stefan’ and he was clueless, oh and I mentioned about tapping Mel and he gave me another clueless look.”

Internally, I’m laughing at him. “Just put up with him for another day. Pretend he’s me. I might as well be there, since he’s calling me constantly, asking what to do. When he called, asking why you were using my middle name, I figured you caught on to our game. That’s why I called.”

“Yeah, he also didn’t know what you did for Peterson-Engles, which still stuns me with its simplicity. A lot of little things didn’t add up.”

“And you were worried about him trying something.” I laugh. “One, he wouldn’t do it because he’d have to work, put ‘goo’ in his hair and wear a tie. Two, you figured it out in a day. It’s not that easy to take over someone else’s life, I would imagine.”

“And he’s a bit rough around the edges. You like wine, he drinks beer. You carry yourself very professionally, you’re more uptight. I noticed that after you gave up the Zoloft.”

“You think anyone else noticed?”

“I doubt it. I know you better than anyone, plus I knew about Paul.”

“Great, then I’m taking a vacation day tomorrow as planned. Keep an eye on him but please don’t blow his cover, it’s just one more day. I’m fine with paying him. Turns out he only has $1 million stashed from his Ponzi scheme. He actually logged into his Cayman bank account and showed me. He’s converting it to Crypto.”

“So how long is he going to live with you?”

“He’s moving to Seattle on Friday, moving in with his ex, starting over. That’s his plan.”

“Great, New York doesn’t need two of you running around he jokes.”

“Just play along one more day, promise me.”

“Bro, I’ll do it, promise.”

We’re there for over an hour talking, drinking and eating junk food. When Susan calls, he leaves with his tail between his leg. I stay to finish my drink. I’m the personification of Parker Thomas. My best friend has no doubt I’m Parker. A check of my clone iPhone shows my imposter leaving my office at 6, and texting my boyfriend for drinks and dinner at Bailey’s Pub in SoHo. I drive my 911 Targa home to prep for tomorrow.

IDENTITY SWAP

I’m up early per Parker’s routine, hit up the gym then a coffee shop for breakfast. I head back to Dr. Harris’ office to have my fingerprints checked and make plans for later. He’s thrilled with the results then I ask him for some additional help with drugs to keep someone knocked out. I leave with a few options, my favorite is a liquid GHB to add to his wine. 

Back at my future home, I use the GHB and taint his bottle of wine he’ll finish off later today. He’s a creature of habit and almost every night he walks in the door, grabs his mail to open while having wine. I’m counting on him being exhausted from last night and in need of a drink when he walks in the door. 

I start catching up with his videos. He gets into the office at 7am, hours early. It’s a walk of shame as he enters his closet and changes into a different suit. He left the office for over an hour.  Based on a spending notification on iPhone, he went for breakfast down the street. 

After lunch, Parker calls my burner phone.

“Hey Bro, how is your boyfriend?” I laugh at my joke knowing I’m getting him back in a few hours.

“You can pick them. I may keep him. I’m ready to go to bed right now. I’m exhausted, and barely slept.”

“He’s all your’s.” He won’t touch him again, I’m the Parker who charmed him at Pronto and fucked him first.

“We took turns fucking each other, I fucked him twice and vice versa.” 

“Are you back in the swing of things at work?”

“Not today, after last night, my ass is dragging. Plus, you miss a month of work and it feels more like a year. By next week, I think I’ll be back to normal. I was thinking of something else….” 

“What’s that?”

“Next time I go to take a real vacation, I may use you to cover for me. It would be incredible to take weeks off without falling behind.”

“That could be possible if I’m around at the time.”

“You’re getting back Sunday?”

“I may try for Friday, Detroit is a depressing place.”

“Okay, I see you whenever you get back. I’m taking my boyfriend out for dinner then he wants to go dancing at Backstreet on Saturday.”

“You dancing?” I love the thought of doing that.

“Only because you suggested it to him. Okay gotta get to my staff meeting.”

I’m watching him leave his office and a minute later enter the executive conference room. He’s the last one in but no one complains. He covers the action items from last week while I take note for next week’s. It’s full of reports from different departments. Unlike my staff meeting, Parker defers to Shaun on a lot of the issues. He was too busy talking to me to read through last week’s minutes. This can only  reinforce to Shaun that he’s sitting next to an imposter.

The minute the meeting is over, Parker returns to his office and starts packing to leave. He packs files and his portfolio into his briefcase. He grabs his suit from the closet then head out the door. I see him saying something to Jenny. On the camera in Shaun’s office, I watch him paying attention to the exchange.

It’ll take Parker about an hour to get home. I’ve tainted every open bottle of wine in his cooler. Half a glass of wine should be enough to knock him out. I go upstairs to a spare bedroom, waiting for him to pull in. Right on time, I see him pulling up. The bedroom door is cracked so I can hear him.  The door from the garage opens, there’s footsteps across the marble kitchen floor then steps to front door for the mail. The footsteps come back and I hear the door to the wine cooler open. When I hear a bottle being set on the granite countertop, I know he’ll be taking his nap soon. I hear a few envelopes being ripped open, then silence. 

After waiting 30 minutes, I quietly walk down the stairs and see ‘Paul’ passed out at his kitchen island. I walk up to him, lift up his hand and get no reaction. I lift him off the stool and drag him over to the sofa. After all that, he didn’t wake up or say anything. I take a needle that Dr. Harris provide and inject him with another drug that should keep him out for 24 hours. 

I call Dr. Harris and arrange to have Paul picked up in an hour. It gives me time to strip him, dress him and take over. I strip him, then dress him in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I run upstairs and put on a pair of my ‘dressy’ jeans and casual knit shirt. Back downstairs I remove his class ring and permanently add it to my finger. I take off the Tag watch, wristbands and shove them in my pocket.

I’m now Parker Thomas to the world. I pick up my phone and call my best friend.

He answers bluntly. “Give me good news Stefan.”

I put him on video and run my hand through hair. “Are we done with this? He just left but he seemed upset. Did something happen at work? Did you confront him?”

“No, but he did seem out of it, most of the day and looked like shit.”

“Good, he deserves it. The slut went to the Manhole and probably closed the place. Who know how many guys he gave my phone number to.”

“Just tell me you’ll be you tomorrow.”

“Yes, and you’ll be able to tell, right?”

“I wanna see the scar.”

“Who’s the CEO and who’s the President.” I’ve heard Parker remind Shaun a few times. Now I own it.

IN CHARGE

A plain white van shows up, two men in emergency medic outfits help him into the van and he’s out of my life. I’m on a high as I watch the van pull out of my driveway then turn around and collapse against the door. I look around ‘my’ house, it’s all mine, I’m Parker Stefan Thomas. This is fucking incredible but I no longer curse like a sailor, I’m now Parker and I rarely curse. I head to the kitchen, empty the open wine bottle down the sink and rinse out the glass with scolding hot water. I grab a new bottle and use the new glass to continue Parker’s evening. I finish going thru my mail but its mostly junk. 

I gather up my suit from today, yesterday’s suit and other clothes from the living room and head upstairs. I toss everything on my bed then head to my spare bedroom for my clone iPhone and burner phone. I remove the SIM cards, crush the burner under my loafer, the iPhone will be a spare.  All I need is my iPhone.

‘My’ ex Colin calls, I think I’m still in love with him, would love to fuck him for old times sake. 

“Hey, Colin.” I greet him.   

“Parker, what you up to?”

“Just home, relaxing with a glass of wine.” The perfect Parker response.

“We’re heading to Pronto for dinner, about 7:30 if you want to join us?” 

“Sure, I haven’t eaten yet. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

It’s a little after 6pm, giving me an hour to clean up this mess. I toss the suits in the hamper for Annie to take care of, put the shoes and ties back in my closet. From my pockets, I take out the wristbands and watch and return them to my jewelry chest. 

I jump in the shower and use all my standard product to provide my usual scent. I’m standing naked in my closet taking in my wardrobe. Instead of checking my Instagram for what to wear, I’ll select my own. This is my closet, full of my personal style. I grab a pair of my Calvin Klein boxer briefs and slip them on.  I adjust my penis and love knowing I’m not sharing my clothes with anyone ever again. 

I’ve always like black and grays colors because of my jet black hair and darker complexion. My closet reflects this and my love of classic style clothes. My new favorite color is blue with gray a close second. I’m like a kid in a candy store—inspecting my suits, pulling coats off the hanger and trying them on. There’s too many of them to pick from, I love them all. 

I turn to my sport coats and roughly guess I have another 30-40 to pick from. Again, I’m trying on ones the catch my eye then checking myself out in front of the floor to ceiling mirror at the end of the closet. Across from the sport coats are double rows of dress, casual and knit shirts. A few have the sleeves rolled up, letting me know I’ve worn them briefly and hung them up. One catches my eye, a black linen shirt.  I pull it off the hanger, note the Hugo Boss label and pull it on. It’s fitted to hug my body. I button it up and love how it fits and feels. I’ve found ‘the’ shirt for a night out with friends. ‘Now I just need pants and a coat.’ I chuckle to myself. 

Parker, I mean ‘I’m’ not a fan of jeans, sometimes wear them with a sport coat and vest but more often a nice suit with or without a tie. My closet is full of every color and style of suits imaginable, though there is a strong blue and charcoal preference. For a night with friends, a lighter gray suit grabs my attention. I feel the material and check the label—Nice, worsted wool, Tom Ford. I step into the pants noticing that the fit is perfect. I then unroll my sleeves and pull on the suit coat. ‘Yeah, this is perfect for dinner at Pronto. It’s not too showy but very classic.’ I think to myself. For shoes I go with my black suede loafers that I  favor. 

I add my class ring, usual Omega watch and a few wristbands for a casual flair. With my wallet, keys and iPhone tucked in my suit, I head to the mirror and check myself. Parker Thomas is ready for a night out with his friends. I button my suit coat, adjust my sleeves and runs my hand through my hair.  My identity is perfect. 

“Colin, Jeff, how are you guys?” I smile at my refection, knowing I look and sound just like Parker. I run downstairs, take a sip of my wine, grab a winter coat and jump into my Porsche 911 Targa. I get there late due to too many wardrobe choices. My friends spot me walking in and wave me over. Jeff talks about how well Oklahoma is doing. Colin talks about students and planning a ski trip to Killington for New Years. I fill them in on my boyfriend and how well that’s going. It’s a fun time and need break for me.  We don’t stay long and I’m home by 9:30. The night was a major personal success.  

THE ONLY CEO

I wake up early, excited to get to work and take my rightful position as CEO of Thomas Financial. First a hit up the gym and keep my appointment with my trainer. Back home I know exactly what Parker Thomas will be wearing—his favorite three piece Garrison Bespoke  gray suit, white button down shirt and tight pattern navy tie. It’s a great look on me based on some  Instagram post. 

I beat everyone in, including Jenny. I make my own coffee and greet workers as they come in. I take off my coat and suit coat, and take my throne. Jenny is shocked to see me in so early.

“Parker, you’re in early and look much better than yesterday.”

“Yeah, I just needed a good night’s sleep. I’m feeling great today. How was your evening? Any surprises when you got home from Lucy?” I take the conversation in a personal direction, asking about her puppy. 

“Nope, it’s been a week without any accidents. Crating her seems to be helping.” She looks down at my coffee. “Let me get settled in and I’ll bring your fresh coffee.”

“Take your time, It still hot.”

She leaves and I start catching up on my emails and voice message. I check reports from my staff, then our corporate dashboard. If our projections hold out, it’ll be another record year of bonuses for me. Not that I need it—my house is paid off, just like my toys. My biggest expense is my custom suits and wardrobe. Paying Dr. Harris and others to take care of my loose ends is coming out of my Cayman account, not my new personal net worth.

I didn’t see Shaun arriving at the office and he startles me when he walks in and shuts the door.

“Hey Bro!” He strolls in carrying a cup of coffee and makes himself at home like any other day. “Wow, you look great today, like a totally new man. You even got a haircut, your hair is shorter on the sides than yesterday ‘Stefan’.”

“Please, stop that, I’m not raking my hair any more.” My phone dings with a message from Chris. “Hey, move ahead on the Greenfrog financing.”

“I did that yesterday as soon as you gave me approval Parker.” He smirks at me.

“No, really? ‘I’ did that? Without checking with myself.” I roll my eyes in disbelief. 

“I assumed you did after our drinks the other night.”

“No, I’m scared now—what else did ‘I’ do the last few days?”

“Guess it wasn’t the best idea to prank me.” He snickers.

“Yeah, but he’s leaving today.”

“Thought he was leaving last Friday.”

“No, I changed his plans when he pissed me off. He went to Pronto, made out with some stranger as me and brought the trick home. He thought it was funny. I told him it’d be best if he left today, we exchanged some choice words and he agreed.”

“Did this trick see the both of you?”

“No, Paul woke me up, told me he had company and to wait 30 minutes to leave my bedroom. I heard them talking, heard the trick thanking ‘Parker’ for a great time and to call him. I didn’t even see the guy.”

“So this stranger will be calling?” Shaun sounds worried.

“No, he has Paul’s phone number but he knows where I live. It really pissed me off and why did he use my name?”

“I told you he was trouble, but you didn’t listen. You had to waste your money, bail his sorry ass out and then you didn’t need him.”

“Well, live and learn.” Another Parker adage that now belongs to me. “So we have lunch today with Mosser and company. We’re set with the latest numbers?”

“Yeah, I’ll send them to you in a minute.”

The day flies by without any problems for the new Parker. Just before leaving office, Dr. Harris calls me to let me know everything is taken care of. ‘Paul’ has been moved to a secure location and kept sedated. 

THE NEW PAUL

I pass on happy hour with my team, claiming a date with Chris. I get to Dr. Harris’ facility late in the day and sit down with the doctor before seeing ‘Paul’. 

“How is Paul doing Dr. Harris?”

“He’s alert and demanding to know what happened and where he is. His prints are 99% there, we added the filling to his mouth. We haven’t said a word to him at all. It’s driving him mad.”

“Great, I want to talk to him before the next step.”

“Sure, I just checked on him. We have him handcuffed for everyone’s safety.”

I’m lead to a part of the facility where I’ve never been. It’s in the basement and reminds me of Brookhaven with solid steel doors, cameras and bars. I walk in and ‘Paul’ is laying in bed facing away from the door. 

“Ahem, How you doing Paul?”

He flips around instantly. “What the fuck is going on?”

“It should be obvious. I’m now Parker Stefan Thomas, you’re Paul Steven Thomas.” I walk in further and he stares up and down at me. 

“You think you can be me? Step into my life?” He laughs at me.

“I don’t think it Paul, I know it. I knew it the first night out of Brookhaven when I assumed your identity.”

He looks at me confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You took your pathetic drugs and I put you to bed while Shaun was grabbing dinner. I borrowed your identity, clothes, fixed my hair and had dinner with Shaun as you. He was clueless but so useful. He complained that he couldn’t tell us apart so we came up with test that you failed on Tuesday, proving my identity as Parker to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you didn’t respond correctly to Shaun’s questioning ‘Stefan’ the other day, you proved your identity as Paul to him. After six weeks as you, I’m totally in place as you. The drugs and PTSD were great cover, then ‘my’ recovery and not needing the Refuge left me step easily into your life. When Shaun said to me ‘You’re back to your old self’, I knew I nailed your pompous, attitude. 

“He’ll figure this out.”

“Bro, are you looking at me?”

“So what, you’re wearing my clothes, that doesn’t make you me.”

“You’re right, it’s just one part—you made me you. Your coaching helped a lot but I also added some cameras to Thomas Financial and cloned your iPhone. When you went to California, using my identity to hide your illness, that prepped me for becoming CEO of Financial.”

“What about all this?” He gestures to the room?

“Oh, needed to change some details.”

“Details?”

“I have your fingerprints, you have mine, along with a fixed cavity. Physically, you’re now me.”

He looks at his fingers. “That’s why they’re tender and red?”

“It’s state of the art technology. Oh, and 3D printing removed my cavity and rebuilt my tooth like new. Technology is amazing.”

“Acting like me will be another story.” He challenges me.

“Give me a break, I’ve known you all your life. I also put cameras in your office, Shaun’s and in the conference rooms. I know how you conduct meetings, your mannerisms, attitudes and all the little personal issues like Jenny’s puppy potty training. I found the videos from the last 12 board meetings. They’re quite fascinating and educational. No one notice their new CEO at the last board meeting.”

“And you think I’m just going to go along with this, let you have my life?”

“Paul—“

“Stop that, you’re Paul.” ‘Paul’ yells interrupts me hysterically.

“You’re delusional still. The Refuge didn’t really help, did it? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.  Doctor Gehris has found a facility that’ll take great care of you. They’re not equipped to help you here. Don’t worry about the cost, I’ll pay for everything.”

“Doctor Gehris? Who the fuck is he.

“Oh Paul.” I sadly moan. “He’s your psychologist you’ve been seeing since I got you out of jail. That’s why I spent $225,000 to spring you early. Don’t worry, we have your medical records highlighting your delusion of being me, assuming my trauma of the car jacking. We also have a great drug that’ll help you forget those painful memories and delusions.”

“Paul, you can’t do this. You won’t get away with it.”

“It’s been 6 weeks of being Parker Thomas and no one has picked up on it, not even ‘my’ best friend Shaun. You’re never getting your life back—I’m Parker, you’re Paul. Accept it. Sorry I can’t stay but I’m hungry, going to grab a bite. Not sure when I’ll see you again but have a great life, I’m sure I will.”

Days later, Paul is admitted into a mental facility. A fake Facebook page is set up for him, showing him in Seattle, living his life and happy. I admit to Shaun that I paid him some money to get rid of him, that I won’t be reaching out to him in a while. Shaun warns me he’ll be back for more money eventually. Thomas Financial is thriving under the same management its had for years—Parker Thomas, CEO.

[rebelwrites]

Trouble Is Your Middle Name

Dominic Toretto x Sister Reader

A/N this is my fic for Fanfic Friday

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Dominic Toretto Masterlist

This Months Writing

There were two rules you had, two rules your half brother gave you when he promised to take you in when you had nowhere else to go.

Rule One you kept up with your studying, just because you had the surname Toretto didn’t mean you could slack off, he wanted the best for you and not to end up like him or the rest of the family.

Rule two was you would keep out of trouble. Stay off the police radar and keep your head clean.

The first rule was easy and you were keeping your grades up and would be ready to sit the Bar soon enough, becoming the first lawyer within the family. But the second rule was hard, you grew up around cars and the fast life so it was in your blood.

It had been a long and exhausting week of studying and you needed a break, before you exploded. So as you climbed into the driver's seat of your Hellcat you went into auto pilot, cruising through the streets until you found an empty parking lot. You needed to let some steam off, it was late so you were less likely to get caught, or that’s what you thought. Little did you know you had a cop following you ever since you left the campus library.

A few burnouts and donuts never hurt anyone.

There was something about throwing the car about that made you feel free, the smell of burning rubber was one of the best smells and you found it relaxing. There was no doubt that you were a Toretto, it didn’t matter that you didn’t have the same mother as Dom and Mia, all that mattered was the Toretto blood than ran threw your veins.

You were in your own little world as you tore up the car park, leaving tyre marks as you went, to even notice the cop had put his lights on. It was only when you heard the blip of his siren you knew you were fucked. And you had broken rule number two.

“Fuck,” you mumbled bringing the car to a stop, killing the engine before slowly climbing out of the car.

“Should have known it would have been a Toretto,” the cop scoffed, instantly getting your back up.

“Talk about pre-judgement,” you mumbled under your breath.

“What was that Toretto?” The cop spat.

“Nothing,” you shrugged. “Look can I just go and we pretend this never happened?”

“I’ve been watching you all night, ever since you left campus, so far I can do you for speeding, reckless driving, criminal damage, and I’m sure if I looked probably illegal modifications,” he said, puffing his chest out.

“Look, do what you gotta do, I need to know what’s happening with the car so I can arrange a lift,” you said calmly, when inside you were panicking. You knew Dom was going to flip.

“I’m tempted to seize the car,” he laughed.

“Do it,” you shrugged, pulling your phone out, looking for Dom’s name, hitting call.

Within three rings he answered.

“You do realise the time right?” He laughed.

“Yeah I do but I need you, look don’t flip out but I went to let off some steam in an empty parking lot,” you sighed, “turns out a cop followed me from the campus and is tryna do me for so many things. And is now threatening to seize the hellcat.”

“Fuck sake, Y/N. What did I say?” Dom shouted.

“I know I broke rule two and I’m sorry okay.” You mumbled. “Just please come down, I don’t like the look of this cop, he is giving me the creeps.”

“Say no more kiddo, I’m on my way, ping me your location.” Dom said softly, he knew you didn’t get scared or creeped out often so he trusted your feelings. “I will bring the busta as well. Don’t worry.”

It didn’t take long before you heard the sound of Dom and Brian speeding down the street, pulling into the parking lot, parking with your car.

Dom jumped out the car, instantly pulling you into his arms. It didn’t matter that you were half siblings, neither of you saw each other as that. You were blood and he was going to do anything he could to keep you safe.

“Has he touched you?” He asked.

“No, thank god,” you whispered looking up at him. “I’m sorry, I should have come straight home.”

“It’s fine kiddo, I know you are stressed.” Dom smiled softly, kissing the top of your head, before letting you go.

“Oh so I see you called your half brother,” the cop laughed, “thought you were meant to be a Toretto?”

“You wanna shut your fucking mouth officer,” Dom snapped, pushing you behind him. “I mean is it that slow of a night that you have to follow a young woman and keep her blocked in a parking lot at eleven pm?”

“She was breaking the law,” the officer shrugged, “and just one look at her car tells me that it’s been illegally modified,”

“Well I’ve just had a walk around your car and I can find at least three different violations,” Brian said calmly. “For starters your tyres are bald, you have a brake light out, and the window wiper is broken, that is just from walking around the car.”

“What would your chief say if we reported you?” Dom said, “told him all the issues with your car and how you made a young woman feel uncomfortable. I’m not quite sure that would go down well.”

“Dom my dash cam is still recording,” you whispered.

“And we have proof,” Dom laughed, stepping closer to the cop. “So here is what’s gonna happen, you are going to climb back into your squad car and drive off, pretending that this never happened, that my little sister was never here.”

“But she obviously was here,” the cop laughed.

“I mean it’s our word against yours, these tyre marks could have been from anyone,” Brian shrugged, “and plus Y/N has been with me working on my car.”

“Fine,” the cop huffed, “but if I catch you driving so much one mile an hour over the speed limit I will be coming for you.”

“And then I will just come after you and send this little video to your chief.” Dom hissed. “Now get the fuck out of here and go you know, be a police officer.”

The three of you stood there, watching as he pulled out of the parking lot, driving off into the distance.

“Thank you,” you whispered, hugging Dom. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble.”

“You are kidding right?” Dom laughed, “Trouble is your middle name”

“So you aren’t mad?” You asked looking up at him.

“What is there to be mad about? You were never here remember,” Dom laughed, “Now come on let’s get you home.”

@chibsytelford @phoenixhalliwell @galaxysanduniversesinmymind @withmyteeth “jessprins13 @rightwhereiwantyou @jasonbabymama @pumpkin-spice-hate @garbinge @zozebo

[animerina]

Writing Update! (And I Finally Got Plagiarized)

Sorry I have been MIA. Once again, life has gotten the better of me as of late. First, my work became soul-sucking and took a lot of my free time. Once I managed to get that under control, my dad ended up in the hospital for a week and I had to help my mom take care of him and his dog while he was unable to. What doesn’t help is their dog hates my dog so putting the two of them at my house was absolute chaos. My partner left his job in May and started working in August somewhere else so I was trying to manage all our finances alone for several months which was absolutely taxing. We ate through most of our savings during that time, but luckily he’s getting a paycheck again. Things were getting better, but dad is back in the hospital and I don’t know for how long this time.

I know I’ve been neglecting my writing, so I really am trying to make it up to y’all by hopefully getting some chapters for different works out by the end of this week. I don’t have many followers, but I appreciate every single one of you and I’m so glad I have been able to write some stories you guys have enjoyed. I love seeing your reactions and thoughts, and am so proud of the content I’ve been able to create.

Unfortunately, something was brought to my attention today that I was hoping never to have to address. One of my followers messaged me that they believed one of my stories had been plagiarized by another blog on tumblr. I know this happens, I was just hoping it wouldn’t happen to me. At first glance, it didn’t really look like it had been copied, but as I read it, I realized that not only the concept and setting been stolen, but some of the dialogue and actions were copied word for word.

It really upset me to see this especially since I have followed this person since I entered the Tolkien fandom and have really enjoyed much of their work. Not only that, but they are a much larger blog with a lot of traffic/notes and provide a lot more content. It took me a long time to feel comfortable and confident enough to post my first story on here and A03, and the fact that even a small part of a story was plagiarized really hurts. I won’t call them out publicly because I don’t want anyone to attack them, but I know they will see this since they follow me and I hope they don’t do this to any other writer on here. It’s one thing to be inspired by a fic, it’s a completely different situation when it’s copied word for word. I’ll end my rant here and I’m sorry, but I needed to vent.