#liberty avenue

[postcard-from-the-past]

Liberty Avenue in Lisbon, Portugal

Portuguese vintage postcard

[albisphoto]

Good day, ma'am!

© Copyright - CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 DEED Albinas Brancevicius. Feel free to repost with credit.

[pittsburghbeautiful]

Liberty Avenue

Liberty Avenue in Pittsburgh Liberty Avenue is a well known and  prominent artery that slices through the heart of the city of Pittsburgh. This major thoroughfare, with its rich historical tapestry and vibrant contemporary scene, offers a unique glimpse into Pittsburgh’s past and present. A Glimpse into the Past Tracing its roots back to the late 18th century, the Liberty Avenue has stood as a…

[sophsun1]

Queer as Folk – 5.13: We Will Survive!

[winderlylandchime]

I have a question that I wanna know your thoughts on, if you care to have them :). When and how do you think Brian Kinney became Brian Kinney. The ‘no excuses, no apologies, no regrets’ Brian Kinney. And when do you think he became the stud of Liberty Avenue? I mean Debbie does tell in s1 that Brian has basically been a loose canon since the day Michael met him when they were 14. And in season 5 i think it’s revealed they went to the club for the first time when they were like 17/18 and Brian even makes a tiny brag about the backroom (btw i will never be over that scene because they put them in “teens” clothes and said fuck it) but I always wondered at what point did Brian become ‘the man, the myth, the legend’ and like how that had to be for him and his friends or I guess Mikey since he was obsessed with him and then suddenly he was fucking everyone. Sorry for such a random all over the place question, you can tell I recently started a rewatch.

Oh dear sweet anon! I love all {kind} asks in my askbox equally, but some I love more equally than others. You have truly unleashed the beast with this one as I literally have a doctorate in analyzing characters (sure, at work I call it ‘case conceptualization’ but tomato tomahto and all.) I’m going to put this all under a “read more” because I love my mutuals and I don’t want to subject their dashes to what is undoubtedly going to be an unhinged character analysis. Pour yourself a beverage of your choosing, grab a snack, and buckle in.

My mother is a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am…unwilling or unable to form a long-term, committed relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have, more or less, redefined promiscuity doesn’t help…much. As a result I have lost the two people in my life that mean the most to me.

- Brian Kinney, 508

Early Childhood

Brian is the youngest of two from married parents. His mother, Joan, is not employed outside the home and is devoted to her Catholic faith. His father, Jack, is employed in some unnamed blue collar job and is a union man. His older sister, Claire, is a presence but left the home and married and had children shortly thereafter. Both Brian’s parents struggle with undiagnosed and untreated alcohol use disorder. They are both abusive in their own ways. Brian suffers physical abuse at the hands of his father. He suffers emotional abuse in the form of religious trauma and neglect in the form of Joan not intervening when Brian is being hit by his father by his mother. He also grows up with the family lore that he was an unwanted child and his father asked him mother to abort him. In his understanding, it is his mother’s Catholic faith that has doomed him to this miserable life. And throughout his life, it is clear his mother cares more for outwards appearances within her church community and for his eternal soul than his happiness here on earth. He observes their marriage as a hateful one. Jack cheats on Joan and apologizes with empty gestures (bringing her flowers) and words (apologies and good behavior before reverting back to his philandering ways). He’s told repeatedly by his father that Jack should never have been a family man, that Kinney men not not designed to be family men. In other words, Kinney men are not made to be “tied down” to one partner. And in the absence of a model or understanding of an ethical nonmonogamy, Brian learns that men, if they have partners, will cheat. Brian also learns from his family that words and apologies are empty - Jack can apologize to Joan but if he never changes, what worth do his words have?

We also see from his family where his determination to earn money and be able to afford a luxurious lifestyle comes from. He is determined to avoid any suffering (failing at monogamy, struggling to pay bills) that they endured.

Adolescence

Around age 14/15 Brian meets Michael Novotny. He either moves to Pittsburgh or several junior high schools feed into one high school (this is not uncommon in the US). Michael worships him immediately - Michael is gay and Brian is cute. And then Brian defends Michael against the school bullies. Brian also meets Debbie and either meets or hears of Uncle Vic. For the first time in his life, Brian has adults who are accepting of their son being gay, he has a model of a gay man who is loved by his family (for the most part - there’s reference to a sister that rejects Vic and a grandmother who may be oblivious to her son’s sexuality). He receives mixed messages from the Novotnys. From Michael, he gets a best friend. Someone with whom he can be silly and have fun. But everything they reference from their teen years is about Mikey’s interests - the Captain Astro club for instance. What were Brian’s interests as a teen? Did anyone nurture them? In Mikey he also gets someone where he can safely explore his sexuality (Patrick Swayze). In Debbie he gets a mother figure who is a firm (albeit imperfect) ally. We don’t know when the Liberty Diner opened or when Debbie began working there, but there is a sense she was also a portal to the world of Liberty Avenue and the diner provided a sort of safe-for-teens queer space. However, Debbie also cares for her son first and foremost (as she should!). She is not Brian’s parent. When she sees Brian’s influence taking Mikey down a path of - getting in trouble at school for fighting back against bullies, sneaking out to go to Liberty Avenue, espousing an nonmonogamy ethic, experimenting with drugs and alcohol - she rightly calls him out. However, with his background, when she - a clearly loving mother who would have no reason to lie - calls him a little shit or an asshole, he believes it. There is a paradox that develops where Brian does not believe words because they are meaningless so refuses to apologize or make promises - unless those words are cruel and directed at him, especially by people he trusts.

For historical purposes, this is taking place in 1985 or 1986 - as the AIDS crisis is reaching an inflection point. The CDC (US Center for Disease Control) estimates that more people were diagnosed with AIDS than in all earlier years combined (source). It is impossible to overstate the impact this had on the queer community more generally, and on Brian more specifically. We see his unwavering commitment to using a condom even in the face of other reckless behavior. As someone who predominantly tops, he is at lower risk of contracting HIV but he cares enough about his partners to never ever fuck without one. His alcohol and drug misuse harms him and him alone, fucking without a condom harms others. Coming of age during the height of the AIDS crisis shaped Brian. We don’t know exactly when Vic seroconverts but we know that relatively shortly before the Pilot episode, Vic was on his deathbed and Debbie was nursing him and they go on that trip to Italy and max out all of Vic’s credit cards… (because those credit card statements come to him in S1) So the AIDS crisis is also front and center in this little safe(r) space Brian has found away from his childhood home. With the AIDS crisis there is also a loss of nearly a complete generation of gay men who could have provided a model for the type of relationship Brian and Justin eventually try to find for themselves. I’ll say it again AIDS WIPED OUT AN ENTIRE GENERATION. We learn from the models around us. If we are an ethnic minority, we learn about that from our parents. As queer people, we often cannot learn from our parents how to be queer. We need queer elders in our communities. Brian comes of age exactly as all those queer elders are dying and changing their lifestyles to protect themselves and their partners from a hideous disease with (at the time) no known treatment and in which the government’s inaction is actively contributing to the loss of entire communities.

And then we have the famous locker room gym teacher incident. Brian’s first (as far was we know) sexual experience was at age 14 (iirc) when he walked into the showers after soccer practice and saw his coach showering. Brian as a gay teen, gets hard, and to cover up any embarrassment about what this reveals about him (it’s the 80s in a public American HS!) gets on his knees and gives the coach a blowjob. This is the first instance of Brian using sex and his sexuality to protect himself and to empower himself. However, he is a kid and a student and he has been taken advantage of by a teacher. No matter how much Brian tells himself (believes) that he was in power in that situation, the power dynamics are always that the teacher has power. That is the reason those laws exist (and even when everyone is an adult, professors cannot sleep with their over 18 college students, nor can they sleep with their graduate students - that goes against every university’s guidelines because that power imbalance cannot be erased). Brian may not self-identify as such but he is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

Late Adolescence/Early Adulthood

Around 17/18 we know Brian and Mikey are sneaking into Babylon and Brian is engaging in more experimentation with his sexuality. How is this different than Justin doing the same? Well, first and foremost Justin’s was incredibly lucky that Brian was the one to take him home that first night and treat him with respect and kindness. Brian made sure he enjoyed his first time. Brian’s speech about wanting Justin to always remember this tells us that virginity, while a vile social construct, is something that can feel very important. And the first time being penetrated can set the stage for one’s expectations and beliefs about what is good and normal for future experiences. Does Brian realize this because his first time with penetrative sex was similarly good and kind or because it was the opposite?

We also know that Brian graduates high school and goes to a traditional four year university/college (per fanon it’s Carnegie Mellon where Ben is later a professor and is a prestigious university) where he meets Lindsay. Unlike, Brian, Michael attends a few semesters of a community college. Anon, I’m not sure if you’re in the US but a community (or junior) college is usually a two year college that is intended to prepare students for transferring to complete their education at a 4 year college or university. Some students just complete their Associates Degrees and do not transfer. The reason a student might do this is a) finances - community colleges are public and much less expensive than 4 year institutions (even 4 year public universities) and b) readiness - if a student’s high school grades are not good enough to get into a 4 year institution or the student personally doesn’t feel ready for college course work, attending a community college is a great place to get adjusted to college level coursework (classes tend to be smaller, especially compared with large universities). My spouse is a community college professor, nothing but respect to the community colleges. Mikey probably attended due to finances and poor grades (he is canonically not book smart). Brian comes from a similar background financially - I would find it hard to believe that Jack, who later asks his son for money, was saving for college tuition when Brian was a child. Given the lavish lifestyle Brian later leads, I find it hard to believe he took out (predatory) student loans (he also doesn’t mention them among his expenses post- Concerned Citizens for the Truth so I’m going to believe he doesn’t have them). I am going to guess that he attended a prestigious private university (in 2021-2022 tuition for one year at CMU was $58,924 and in 2023 it was $62,260 with another nearly $20k for room and meal plan) on a combination of Pell Grants (for students with exceptional financial need) and merit based scholarships (due to good grades in high school). This means that Brian, in order to gain admission and to earn scholarships to afford to go, despite all his antics at school (ahem chemistry club!), was studious enough to earn the grades needed. This is no small thing. For comparison, I attended a high school in one of the wealthiest school districts in the US and I had special counselors who helped me decide what schools to apply to, how to craft my applications to be more competitive, and I was taught explicitly ways of approaching SATs (college admissions test) that improved my scores (like test taking strategies). Basically I had every advantage. Brian had none of that. I imagine the school district that the Kinneys and Novotnys would live in, would not have all those advantages. In the US, local tax dollars pay for schools - wealthy areas have better schools as a result. It says a lot about Brian - his determination, his native intelligence, and his ability to code-switch and pass as someone who belongs as at a place like CMU - that he succeeded.

This is also the first time that he is apart from Mikey. He’s making new friends like Lindsay who come from wealth and privilege and getting a taste of that life. He is also away from Mikey’s hero worship and any pressure from Mikey (and Debbie) to date Mikey. He probably sleeps his way through the gay, bisexual, and questioning male student body. I do believe at this point he probably hadn’t instituted his “no repeats” rule but he learns that after a certain number of hook ups, expectations begin to build. He doesn’t want to be his father, so it’s safest to make sure his partners have no expectations. He learns that if people expect the least and the worst from him, he will never disappoint them.

We know that if he wasn’t before, he’s certainly experimenting with drugs in college (references to spiking the punch with ecstasy after Lindsay’s heart was broken). He is studying something that is immediately practical (we do not know if he goes onto graduate school, but my headcanon is that he does not - he would have gotten his masters degree in marketing or business and those are expensive and, again, he doesn’t seem to have student loans). I believe he studies marketing, but though general coursework, his own intelligence and curiosity, he learns enough about the arts and other areas of study to be able to pass in upper class worlds and not betray his working class roots. And to appreciate Justin’s talent. Of course.

Post College/Adulthood

He is hired by Ryder Advertising and quickly moves up the ranks. He purchases his own home (the loft) and decorates it with only the fanciest furniture and appliances. He wears designer clothes. He wants to fit in and belong to this world that is so different than where he came from.

My guess is that by the time he’s working at Ryder, he has fully become the man, the myth, the legend we meet in the pilot.

No apologies - he learned that early on from Jack, apologies are meaningless.

No regrets - life as a gay man may be difficult, but he is not going shy away from experiences just because it might make his life harder. His life has already been hard on someone else’s terms. If it’s going to be hard again, it may as well be on his own terms.

Actions matter more than words, unless those words are from someone he believes cares about him in which case, if they are negative, they are true.

Protect others, even to the detriment of yourself. People want you for what you can do for them (protect them from bullies, make them feel special for one night) not for who you are.

Brian has no model of nonmonogamy that isn’t monogamy with cheating. He cannot conceive, until Justin comes along, that he can have a primary partner and also have an open relationship.

Being a “Stud” is another status symbol, like the loft, like the Jeep, like his wardrobe.

Everything is a wall built from his childhood to protect himself from the pain he experienced and to protect others from what he believes is his destiny - to hurt others the way his father hurt his mother and him. Walls don’t just keep out others, they protect others from the (imagined) monster within.

There is a good fic on Midnight Whispers that goes into this quite a bit: Why Not with Me

[eastvillagetripster]

Burger Beacon

Mural by Lady JDay https://ladyjday.wordpress.com  in Burgers on B https://burgersonb.com , 168 Avenue B (Between 10th and 11th Street) East Village, New York City.

[wanderingnewyork]

From 2019: The #Rockaway_Boulevard_Station on the A Line, #Queens

[aries-at-sea]

some shots from the Empire City

[rabbitcruiser]

Mile High City

What do you think about my pic?    

[tanadrin]

The supposed efficiency and effectiveness of fascism was always propaganda: in reality, fascist regimes were deeply inefficient, hobbled by interpersonal rivalry, had institutions weakened or totally subverted by the personalist nature of leadership, and were deeply corrupt and lawless.

So it really, really bugs me how so much speculative fiction and even casual discourse since has taken WW2 era propaganda about fascism at face value, and depicted authoritarianism generally and fascism in particular as an intrinsic tradeoff between the chaos and disorder of liberty and the order of repression. Fascism is not orderly! That was always a lie. There is a reason right-wing authoritarian regimes have mid performance at best and at worst collapse due to infighting and military defeat—they suck at running states!

Democracy is the ideology of order and stability. Democracy provides for stable succession and can sustain rule of law in ways personalist rule cannot. Democracy can create avenues of accountability to reduce corruption that authoritarian (or even one-party rule) could never contemplate. “Democracy is chaos” is a lie invented by fascists to try to discredit liberal principles, and the apparent “chaos” of interwar democracies was often caused by the fascists themselves because they did not believe in liberalism.

I think of this most often in the context of video games about politics where it is assumed that authoritarian governance gives you efficiency bonuses at some cost to happiness or freedom—but I think these mechanics are backward. Fascism and authoritarianism are good for the narrow ruling clique at the top, the people they personally enrich, but they make for brittle and weak states, and they often fuck over even the narrow ethnic group or core citizenry whose will they are supposed to be channeling. Starting World War II was very bad for almost all Germans and Italians!

By contrast political scientists debate if a consolidated liberal democracy has ever deconsolidated, and the biggest challenges to democratic systems of government have tended to come when those systems are illiberal (as before the American Civil War), or being sabotaged by most participants (as Weimar Germany, where neither the left nor the right were really interested in democracy).

[newtownpentacle]

The T is neat

Thursday – photo by Mitch Waxman On the 5th of January, one rode the T light rail from Dormont into Downtown Pittsburgh. One of the shots I was looking for is seen above, depicting a T line unit entering the 2001 vintage First Avenue Station after crossing the Monongahela River on the Panhandle Bridge. There seems to be an entire gaggle of law enforcement type offices nearby, including the city…

[sophsun1]

Queer as Folk – 3.12: Drugs, Sex and Lies

[dear-ao3]

ok so considering im decently sure a good chunk of the f1 drivers dont actually like driving road cars on roads (fair) i propose a new grand prix to determine the real Best Driver.

behold. the rush hour grand prix.

1 lap. at rush hour on a friday night. all the usual normal commuters and terrible drivers are still on the road along with all the drivers. in the rain. everyone drives a car of their choice. they have to count out all their tolls using change, no one gets ez pass. and you get disqualified if you veer from the instructions (no wrong turns!)

and where does this take place?

thats right.

new jersey. (and new york city) (but mostly new jersey)

here is the proposed track:

we start and end on route 22 right outside the staples. a terrible awful road that would cause harm to any driver, especially european ones. route 22 is so terrible because there is a long stretch that has a center median with shops in it, so theres shops on the right the left and in the center with u turns every 500 feet.

they go east on 22 towards us route 1 and 9 and, thats right, newark liberty international airport. here they have to do a loop around all of the departure terminals before exiting and heading towards jersey city on route 78.

they take route 78 through the holland tunnel, which is a hilarious tunnel to go through as you can literally blink and miss the signs because theyre so small.

upon arriving in new york city they will head towards the canal street station, doing an awful little loopy loop to take hudson street to 8th avenue. new york will prove a challenge for many of them because every other street and avenue there is pretty much a one way in the opposite way.

theyre going to turn right on 23rd street and take it three blocks towards the flatiron building on fifth avenue before doing another turn around and heading back up sixth avenue

here theyre going to turn left on 40th street, then right on 7th avenue then immediately right again on 41st street and then back to 6th avenue which they'll take all the way to the bottom of central park. here they'll turn left onto 59th street then go around columbus circle, exiting on broadway and then going right onto 57th street, which they'll then take down to 11th avenue, then after. few blocks cut over to the west side highway (12 avenue) and then they'll get off at 40th street and enter, you guessed it, the lincoln tunnel.

they'll exit the lincoln and get onto route 3 which they'll take down to route 120 and then they'll do a single doughnut in the parking lot at the american dream mall (a terrible place) before getting onto, you guessed it! 95!! they'll take 95 (devil highway) to 78 to the garden state parkway before getting back on route 22, doing a quick hairpin turn at one the first u turn and then end up straight back where they started. outside the staples.

i think maybe 3 people would finish the whole thing. logan sargeant, being the only american, would come in first. fernando alonso takes second and valtteri bottas takes third.

[bestiesenpai]

sukuna bridgerton au

If you get mad at me for this then you’re no fun, he’s a little ooc in this but im world building! I intend to write more! Mini blurbs/fics and build a whole universe! Gosh! Tried to be accurate to regency era stuff but also took liberty with some things 6k words

part two — part three -- part four

Femme reader, you’re a proper young miss aint ya kekw

You are perfect. The Queen's diamond of the season and someone everyone knew by name. There is nothing you have not been prepared for, no social setting that you are unable to make your own. Since you were born your parents had instilled every rule in society onto you, every skill a young lady should have and even some men have as well, to cover every possible avenue.

Perfect indeed, with not only needlework and the pianoforte, but you spoke more than one language and were delightfully decent at drawing. Learning the harp and more advanced bookkeeping skills were on your current roster, the governess keeping not only you but your siblings busy before the beginning of all the balls and suitors calling for your attention.

“(Y/N), there are a great deal of callers outside waiting for your attention.” Your mother debriefed you at the start of the day, after having the maids dress you to her exact specifications. “You remember what I taught you, yes?”

“Yes. Be courteous and make sure to smile, but not too much or they might get the wrong idea. I shouldn’t appear to know too much about one subject, lest they get discouraged from speaking.”

“Perfect.” Snapping her fingers happily, your mother put a hand on your shoulder and sighed, smoothing down the sleeve of your dress. “I am so proud of the person you’ve become, (Y/N). I hope you know that.”

“I do, mother.” Hugging her tightly, you steeled your nerves. She had done the best possible for you your whole life to ensure you would be ready for the society you live in and to hopefully elevate your station in life, one that could afford you even more comfort than you had now.

“Bring the first one in.” Your father announced, ushering the two of you to come to a stand as the doors were opened and the first gentleman of the day came in, a modest but endearing bouquet of flowers in his hands. Making sure to curtsy immediately, you welcomed him in and brought him to the sofas where a proper conversation could be had.

And that went on for ages, one after the other, until you feared your voice would go hoarse from all the talking and fake laughter you had to do. It wasn’t that the men that came to see you were bad in any way, just that you hoped for a bit more excitement upon entering the season. There had yet to be anyone that swept you off your feet, made you wish they stayed just a bit longer and looked at you a bit more.

“Mother, may we stop for today?” You were unable to hold your posture anymore and your back bent considerably, allowing you to relax and look out the window at the sun slowly fading from afternoon to early evening.

“We may. Send the rest away, let them schedule for another time.” Motioning to a footman, your mother conceded to your wishes. “It’s about time for dinner, is it not?”

“Mr. Downey, that old man called upon you?” The next day, a chorus of giggles could be heard in the park from you and your friends. You were recounting all the visitors you had, not sparing a single detail.

“Yes!” You laughed, unable to contain yourself as you strode arm in arm with them around the park lake. “But Father wouldn’t let him step a single toe into the parlor, told him to go down to the alleys he’s usually found in!”

“Oh dear!” Another round of shouts and laughs left the group, boisterous as ever as you all were excited for the upcoming ball at the end of the week being held by the Queen herself. Her royal advisor had seen to it that you were personally handed an invitation at the modiste this morning, letting everyone see the fanfare and the adoration the Queen so had for you.

“(Y/N), you really are Her Majesty’s favorite diamond!” Someone exclaimed, squeezing your hand tightly. “I can’t remember the last time she did something like this!”

“I wonder what it could all mean.” Another girl wonders aloud, making you all come to a stop and think. “I bet there’s some aristocrat in town she wants to impress!”

“Could you imagine!” You jump up slightly, your mind beginning to race. “And me as Her Majesty’s precious diamond at the center…” A flurry of giggles left the group and you began to walk again, chattering excitedly about the future.

The time for the ball came and you were dressed in the finest silks and jewels the modiste had to offer, and a dainty necklace laid on your neck adorned with small diamonds of its own. Butterflies arose in your stomach on the carriage ride over and by the time you arrived you worried about fainting upon standing.

“Stay close.” Your mother tells you, keeping your arm in the crook of hers as you enter the party behind your father, your other siblings behind you as well. Entering the main ballroom, you try not to openly gawk at the grandiosity of it all; there was a large orchestra in the middle of the room, peacocks milling about the garden just outside the open doors and too many servants to count carrying hors d'oeuvres that looked absolutely divine.

“A drink, miss?” One of them approached with a tray of cocktails which you swiftly accepted, eager to fit in with the other patrons. Taking a sip, you were nearly knocked back from the strong bite of alcohol and almost let your composure slip.

“(Y/N).” Your mother squeezed you in warning, never letting the smile slip from her face as her tone conveyed high stress. “Do not mess this up.” And those were her final words to you before you were ushered further into the room.

Quickly righting yourself, you followed your mothers steps in introducing you to everyone and making sure to show you off to eligible bachelors and their families of high titles. Your heart pounded upon meeting earls and marquess’, forcing yourself to not appear too awestruck of a title; appearing perfectly pleased at the information and not showing favor one way or another.

“Time to greet Her Majesty.” Your mother whispered, subtly gesturing to the entourage entering the room and causing quite a stir amongst your fellow partygoers. As she took her seat, you couldn’t help but notice the two empty chairs seated behind the queen and how she looked miffed that one was not being filled upon her arrival.

Milling about so as not to appear too eager, roughly five minutes passed before you made your way over to the queen. The drink you’d been nursing was finally empty and you could feel the burning effects of the alcohol take place, making your face burn and palms sweaty beneath your gloves.

“Your Majesty.” Speaking for the both of you, your mother led you into a curtsy. Standing straight, you let your eyes wander to the chairs, wondering who could be missing from such an event.

“My diamond.” Her Majesty reached out her hand which you instantly took, softly kissing the skin and giving another curtsy.

“Your Majesty.” You responded in kind, giving her a somewhat nervous smile. “This is a beautiful party.” Looking around, you finally let your true feelings show for a moment as you properly soaked it all in. “I am amazed at how you manage to throw such exquisite soirees each season.”

“Oh how you flatter me!” A light chuckle left Her Majesty’s lips and she allowed you to look around a bit more before speaking again. “Tell me, have any suitors caught your eye?”

“Well…” Looking back at your mother, you let out a breathless chuckle. “None have truly captured me, Your Majesty. Some interest me and others vex me, but no one has yet to steal my heart.”

“That is very pleasing.” She grinned, knowing something you did not. “Very pleasing indeed.” Waving over one of her attendants, she whispered something into their ear and off they went as if they had never been there at all. “Take to the floor, my dear, I shall call upon you soon again.”

“Yes, thank you, Your Majesty.” Curtsying again, you and your mother left to go enjoy the party. It wasn’t clear what the Queen had in mind but every time you looked over your shoulder you found her eyes on you and that made you nervous enough to get another drink and not care about the taste.

“Mother, I must use the restroom.” Hardly finished with the glass, you felt an upset in your stomach that couldn’t be ignored. Waiting just enough time for her to excuse you from the group you’d been speaking with, you rushed out of the room and down the hall, thankfully guided by servants to the nearest restroom.

Relieving yourself rather quickly, you were in no hurry to return to the party. This was the first time you were in the palace and your curiosity couldn’t help but get the better of you. Looking over your shoulder a few times, you walked as casually as possible down the hall in the opposite direction. Marveling at the grandeur, you hardly took note of where you were going until a loud thud brought you out of your thoughts. Looking around, you realized you were quite far from the party, the sounds of the orchestra a distant buzz.

“Fuck!” The vulgarity of the word along with its suddenness nearly knocked you to the ground. Grabbing at your necklace, you shuddered at the next few words that came out; this wasn’t proper for a lady to hear at all. Locating the source from an open doorway, you intended on closing it until you caught a glimpse of what was inside.

A completely naked woman was being pinned to a bookshelf by a man with his pants around his thighs, the violent motion of his hips leaving nothing to the imagination. She looked to be in pain, wincing and whining every so often as the man just kept going. He took so little notice of her, in fact, that her head hit the shelves a few times and although she cried out he didn’t falter.

“Fuck!” He yelled again, grabbing the woman's hair and forcing her head to the side. He did finally slow down and straighten up a bit, finally allowing you to see his pink hair. “Fucking whore.” And just like that, the relative slowness was gone and back was this man's brutality. Forcing the woman to walk over to the desk a bit closer to you, you quickly ducked out of the way before you saw something you shouldn’t. It was quiet for a moment and there was a shuffling sound before the door was ripped open further and you couldn't help the shout you let out.

“Who the fuck- oh. Oh?” The man was clearly ready for a fight but upon seeing you, his face changed into a sly smile. He at least had the decency to dress himself, though you kept your eyes trained onto his face and occasionally the ceiling to preserve your modesty. “Well, aren’t you a ravishing creature…come to join the fun?”

“Absolutely not!” Leaping back at his proposition, your face curled in disgust. He laughed loudly, fully taking in your appearance.

“No of course not, why would you? You are a lady, so prim and proper.” He stretched the word out, almost mocking you with the connotation. “You belong at the party, Miss, so run along before someone catches us alone and we’ll be forced to marry.” Raising his hand in goodbye, the man left you, laughter still on his lips as he slammed the door closed.

All but running back to the party, you avoided your mother in favor of going out to the garden with a few friends that were thankfully in attendance; a chance to marvel at the peacocks and performers outside would give you a chance to catch your breath and forget about what you’d just seen.

“Miss (Y/N), the Queen calls for you.” A servant notified you just as the air turned a bit too chilly for your liking. Bidding your friends farewell, you made your way inside. The polite smile on your face dropped immediately at seeing just why the queen summoned you.

“Ah, my diamond.” Her affectionate tone forced the smile right back on your face but your eyes stayed glued to the person behind her. There, dressed in the finest fabrics and with his cravat intricately tied, was the man you’d seen earlier. As he stood at the Queen’s motion, you noticed the freshly pressed pants and shiny boots he had on and the dazzling watch dangling from a chain.

“This is my nephew, you might have heard of him. The Crown Prince, Ryomen Sukuna.” As she spoke, the Queen's voice grew louder, drawing the attention of everyone within earshot and even those that didn’t hear. “I’ve invited him here personally just to meet you.” A small smirk adorned her face as she took in the crowd before her and the stir her words caused. And it grew even bigger upon seeing your face, the horrored expression mistaken for overjoy.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss (Y/N).” Sukuna made a show of bowing deeply to you.

“Come, sit down and chat for a while, won’t you?” Her request was truly a demand and you knew better than to hesitate or question it, so you nodded and did as you were told.

Taking a seat, you kept your body rigid and faced straight ahead, not even giving so much as a glimpse to your side where you could tell the Crown Prince was watching you. You knew it wasn’t proper and that people - your mother especially - were watching to see how you two got on, but you couldn’t bear to turn and have a conversation with the man you’d just seen in such an uncouth position.

“It truly is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Sukuna said, a light chuckle on his lips. “Never thought the beauty I saw earlier would end up being the diamond of the season.”

“I believe you’re mistaken! We did not see each other earlier, Your Highness. This is the first time we are meeting.” Turning your head swiftly, you forced a smile onto your face instead of the scowl you wanted to show him.

“Yes, my mistake! Must have been another fair maiden that caught my eye.” Sukuna chuckled, settling into his chair just a bit more. He let a pause hang between you before he spoke again. “Tell me, diamond, do you wish to marry this season?”

“Of course I do.” You nodded, allowing yourself to relax a little as well. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since I made my debut.”

“And what are you looking for in a husband?”

“I want one that is kind, that is loyal to me and whom I can get along with no matter what. And if he likes the arts such as I do, that would be even better.” An answer that you had rehearsed many times with your mother, the words came out of your mouth smoothly.

“Interesting.” Sukuna nodded, folding his hands over each other. “Now, tell me how you really feel.”

“I-I just did.” Quirking a brow at him, you were unsure why Sukuna required more from you on the matter.

“I can tell those aren’t your real words. Tell me how you truly feel.” His face was neutral but not serious or uncomfortable; he seemed to genuinely want an answer from you.

“I…” It took a while but eventually the thoughts you’d suppressed in favor of your mothers came to the surface and you looked down at your gloved hands. “I want someone I can be myself with, someone I won’t need to put on a mask for. And a husband that can value my privacy and give me my own space.” There was more you wanted to say but you stopped yourself; no use in rambling to the man when you could save it for your diary later.

“That’s good to hear, actually.” His response surprised you and had you turning more towards him.

“Really?” There was a tinge of hope growing inside you, one that said maybe the man from earlier wasn’t who he truly was.

“Yes. I’ll need a wife that can leave me the hell alone.” And with that, the tinge died out and your face fell.

“Wh-what?”

“Yes, as you will undoubtedly hear about later I enjoy some rather…unconventional pastimes and leisurely activities and if we are to be wed I’ll take great joy in the fact that you won’t interfere with that.”

“But I-”

“Oh don’t worry, Miss (Y/N), I will give you all the babies you desire if you so wish, but just know my heart will never belong to just one woman. It’s not the way royalty does it, I’m sure you can understand.” Giving you a tight lipped and condescending smile, Sukuna stood from his chair and excused himself, mentioning something about getting the two of you a drink.

“So, what do you think of my nephew?” The Queen asked when he was out of earshot, turning slightly in her chair to look at you.

“He- he is a good conversationalist.” You forced the words out, hoping that the Queen wouldn’t be able to pick up on how your eyes were growing misty despite your best efforts to blink the tears away. “I quite enjoyed some of the ideas he’s shared with me.”

“Wonderful, darling.” There was a tension in the air, like she knew what had happened between the two of you. But she chose not to say anything, instead turning back around as the orchestra played the next song. “Sukuna.” She caught him as he came back, two glasses in hand.

“Yes?” His eyes flicked to you for a moment.

“Dance with Miss (Y/N), will you? I want her to enjoy the party.” The tension in the air was back and Sukuna nodded and swiftly put the glasses down. Standing before you, he offered you his hand.

“Right this way.”

“Of course.” Inhaling sharply, you forced your feelings down and took his hand, letting him lead you to the dance floor. As the song began to start up, you could feel the eyes on you, watching your every move with the Prince and the chemistry you had when dancing.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Sukuna said quietly, his hands resting on your upper back a moment before taking a few steps. “I simply want you to know the truth if you accept the proposal.”

You didn’t respond to him, letting the words soak in. In the moment it had seemed almost cruel that he had spoken to you like that, said those things and dismissed your feelings, hopes and dreams, but thinking about it gave you another perspective. You knew many men in town that had affairs and secret lovers that would never admit it but here was a man that was willing to be honest with you. A man that had no obligation to spare your feelings or protect them.

“Why did you even agree to come then, if that is how you truly feel about marriage?” You finally spoke, looking into his eyes.

“You know as well as I do that we have a responsibility to do this, to get married and play these silly societal games. When my aunt called me I had no choice but to come, you can’t exactly say no to the woman. And I figured why not meet her precious diamond and see what she had to offer, see if I could build the life the world expects of me with her.”

“And what is your verdict?” Sukuna spun you around as you asked and your head laid briefly on his shoulder, catching the scent of his perfume before you were twirled away again.

“I think you’d make a lovely bride, Miss (Y/N). There may be some hardships but I believe we could learn to be happy with each other and our arrangements.” Spinning you a few more times, Sukuna gently helped you to a stop. “I ask you to be aware of what the Queen will ask you soon, what I will be asking you soon. You can always say no.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” As the dance ended, you curtseyed and excused yourself. Slinking away to the refreshments table, you had nary a chance to sip some lemonade before a few more men approached, asking to write in your dance card.

As the night wore on, you danced with many more suitors and eligible young men about town, some that had already called on you and others that were waiting their turn. Some of them were dukes and earls and even a marquess came to you, but none held as high a title as Sukuna did. And with your parents eyes on you, you knew that was what mattered the most.

Going through everyone in your mind, there wasn’t a doubt that some would definitely be better matches for you than Sukuna in the realms of compatibility and chemistry but none would be as wise a choice as he was. Marrying a crown prince of all people would solidify your station in life forever; you and your family would want for nothing and you’d never have to worry about needing to follow the latest trends in fashion because you would be the one setting them.

“His Highness Prince Sukuna surely took a liking to you tonight.” Your mother was alight on the carriage ride home, fanning herself ardently. “Why, I do believe the Queen intends on you to be married before the season is over!”

“From a baroness to a princess, how marvelous that would be!” Unable to stop his excitement either, your father chimed in. It seemed they had already accepted the Prince's proposal on your behalf even though it hadn’t come yet. You didn’t have the heart to tell them that he wasn’t really a good fit for you, that you worried you’d never be truly happy in the marriage and you’d always feel less than when it came to how he felt about you.

“Delightful indeed.” Was what you said instead, allowing your parents to revel in this moment and trying to convince yourself that it couldn’t be that bad to marry a prince, especially if it meant that one day you’d be a queen.

May 14

Diary, I fear that I won’t be able to back out of this arrangement even if I say no to it like Sukuna said I could. If I say no, I know I will have many other suitors knocking at my door but none as prestigious as he is and I can’t bear to possibly face the disappointment of my family if I deny them this great opportunity.

I know I wouldn’t be the first or the last to enter into a marriage like this but I had truly hoped that I could have escaped that fate and found real love, true love! It’s rare but a girl can dream, especially one named as the Queens diamond. You’d think I’d have more time to decide on who to marry!

I suppose I have no choice but to say yes to this, don’t I? Sukuna said he would give me my privacy, so I can at least continue to write here without fear of being judged. I just wonder what the life of a princess will entail and how many new rules will I be forced to learn?

Here's hoping that we can at least grow to have a liking for each other over time, but I know better than to wait around for love.

XX

It was a few days after the ball before you heard word from either Sukuna or the Queen. You knew it was coming but the anxiety of waiting had you pouring too much energy into the other men that called you.

“A visitor for Miss (Y/N) has arrived.” It was announced one afternoon, immediately kicking your heart into overdrive. It was a good thing you had felt the need to dress a little nicer today as your visitor presented himself, none other than the prince.

“Your Highness!” Your mother exclaimed, overjoyed and forcing your siblings to stand as well and greet him. They all bowed or curtseyed, some too young to understand exactly who they were greeting.

“Good day to you all.” Sukuna gave a small bow in return, eyeing up your family before turning to you. “Miss (Y/N), I was hoping we might promenade today around the park? The weather is quite lovely and there are a fair amount of swans out there I’m told.” His offer surprised you, you were sure he was going to ask for your hand right then and there.

“That would be lovely.” You nodded, looking back at your mother who would no doubt chaperone this outing. “Allow me to grab my purse and a shawl.” Excusing yourself, it took no less than five minutes for you to be ready and heading out the house with Sukuna by your side, your entire family not but five feet behind you.

“I’m surprised you called upon me today.” You said upon reaching the park, waving to a few friends who were also on dates. “I was certain that the next time I saw you there would be a ring put upon my finger.”

“Young Miss, please have more faith in me. I thought it only right to court you as the others have, to see if we are truly to be a good match or not.” Sukuna put a hand over his heart in jest.

“Was that your idea or the Queens?”

“I’ll be honest it was her idea, but I have no problem going along with it. It’s only right that we get to know each other a bit more before we are wed.”

“You talk so certainly that I’ll say yes! Who said I wanted to marry you?” His arrogance was starting to annoy you, and the fact that he couldn’t even feign that he was the one interested in learning more about you irritated you to no end.

“Please, would you even think of saying no?” Sukuna quirked a brow at you as you came to a stop to admire a pair of swans. “I am the best match you have to make, one that would elevate your status so highly it would make your head spin. And beside…” He trailed off, looking around at the people in the park. “This sorry lot you associate with aren’t exactly highbrow to begin with.”

“That’s enough!” You shouted, taking a step back from him. A few curious looks were sent your way and you could see your mother start to approach from the corner of your eye before your father stopped her. “Do not dare speak of my friends in such a manner. What would you know of being highbrow anyway, what with the pastimes you partake in!”

“Miss (Y/N), I did not mean to upset you.” Sukuna spoke a little louder for the inquiring minds around you. “Please accept my apology.” And he bowed his head deeply in a show of submission.

“Do not mock me.” You hissed, crossing your arms and turning back to the lake. “I can’t believe I thought you could be a real gentleman.”

“Oh, but I can be.” Resuming his previous position, Sukuna squared his shoulders.

“Only when others are watching though, right?” You began walking again, letting Sukuna fall into step beside you. As a relative quiet fell over you two, you looked at everyone else walking about, seemingly so happy with their matches. A pang of jealousy hit you upon seeing a group of your girl friends out with their matches, laughing happily and getting to enjoy a true love match instead of whatever you were stuck in now.

There was little conversation between the two of you, but to the outside world it looked as if you were just taking a quiet stroll and letting the sounds of nature surround you. Anyone looking in would think that you’re content just being in each other's presence and don’t need words to communicate.

“Let’s stop at a cafe, I’m parched.” You announced, suddenly spotting the building across the street.

“Yes, let's.” Sukuna agreed immediately, following your lead. Opening the door for you and your family, Sukuna made a show of buying everyone something, even your father. With your family scattered about the shop, you and Sukuna took a seat by the window, a place where everyone could walk by and see you together.

“How do you like your parfait?” He asked, sipping on the plain coffee he got himself. Your mother insisted he get a croissant as well and he pulled a piece off and ate it.

“It’s delicious.” With fresh in season fruit throughout, it was a sweet treat you didn’t know you’d been craving. “Thank you.”

“Tell me what it is you like to do for fun.” Leaning back in his chair, Sukuna peered over his glass at you. You felt the urge to correct him on his posture but held back, knowing he would probably just laugh at you.

“I’ve recently taken up the harp and I quite enjoy it, it can be such a calming instrument. I also enjoy the pianoforte, though recently I’ve taken up reading a new book.”

“Reading is quite boring, is it not?” Sukuna smirked at you, enjoying how you fought to keep your expression neutral. “I can’t remember the last time I read.”

“I’m surprised you can read at all.” You rolled your eyes, finding small gratification in how he laughed.

“Me too!” Taking a hearty bite out of his pastry, Sukuna grinned at you, showing the sharp edge of his canines. “I think I’ll like having you as a wife.”

“You shouldn’t be so confident in my acceptance of your proposal, Your Highness.” With a warning tilt to your voice, you took a sip of tea. “I can very well say no to your whole courtship right now and be done with it.”

“But you and I both know you won’t. You wouldn't want to risk the ire of the Queen or your family. And neither would I, Miss (Y/N). I’m tired of being hounded to find a wife and you are the easiest decision ever made for me.”

“You could at least pretend you’re interested in me.” He had a point, you knew little people that went against what the Queen wanted and weren’t shunned for it. There were a great deal of pros outweighing the cons in marrying Sukuna from an economical point of view, but could you find it in you to put your heart aside?

“Trust me, I am plenty interested in you.” His gaze fell downwards and your face immediately started to burn.

“Don’t make me throw my tea on you.” You glared sharply at Sukuna, your tone daring him to continue and for his sake he didn’t and his eyes returned to yours.

“My apologies, Miss. Just admiring a beauty before me.” That statement made a passing few girls giggle and swoon to themselves and you could hardly hold back another eye roll.

Your outing was done shortly after your trip to the cafe with your youngest siblings complaining they were tired. The Prince escorted you home, bowing to you once more and waiting until you were inside before turning and leaving.

“Tell me what that outburst was at the park.” Your mother descended on you the second she got, following you up the stairs to your bedroom.

“The Prince isn’t as fine and dandy as you think he is, he called the ton a bunch of idiots.” You didn’t bother keeping your voice down as you walked, just the thought of what he’d said upset you all over again.

“Why, he is a Prince! Of course we will be simple to him, he is used to so much more!” She argued, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “He meant no harm, I’m sure.”

“Mother.” Turning to face her before opening your door, you sighed upon making eye contact. “I wish I could tell you even half of the things I learned about him…the Prince is not the man you think he is.” You repeated your previous statement; your lip caught between your teeth as you debated telling her more. “I don’t know if I can marry him.” The words made your mother gasp in horror and push a hand over your mouth.

“(Y/N), please tell me you don’t mean it. Please tell me you are just playing a sick joke.” She couldn’t bear to hear you say otherwise. You stared at each other, both of you pleading for different things. The heartbreak in her eyes was evident and she took a step back and composed herself. “V-very well, if that is how you feel I will not force you.”

“Mother…” Your voice trailed off at how downtrodden she looked, it nearly brought you to tears.

“No, please do not say any more. I-I need time to come to terms with this.” Smoothing down her dress, she looked over her shoulder to see if anyone was eavesdropping. The silence allowed for the noises of others in the house to be heard; two brothers fighting over chess, a sister playing the piano. “I will be in the sun room should you need me.”

She left without consequence, calling for a maid to bring her some lavender tea. Finally entering your room, your body pushed the door closed and you sank onto the floor, letting your head fall into your hands. This wasn’t what you wanted to happen in the slightest and now just the prospect of rejecting his proposal was putting immense guilt onto you. Seeing your mother so hurt, imagining the looks on your siblings faces and what your father could possibly say were all too much for you.

May 18

I fear I have made a grave error. It wasn’t my intention to hurt my mother but just the idea of me not marrying a prince was enough to make her beside herself with grief, she was hardly able to look at me during dinner. And I know she’s told father because he was the same way!

Am I really taking away my family’s happiness this much? Am I being selfish by refusing? I think I’m learning now that a marriage, especially this one, is not just between two people. There’s so many others that it affects!

I think I’ll reconsider my rejection - after all, not many can say they were named the diamond and married a crown prince their first season out. I know Sukuna will give me my space if I request and not question me on things…is this potential life worth giving up my hopes of love?

I truly hope it is.

XX

At breakfast the next morning you informed your parents of the change of heart and the sullen mood that was looming over them was washed away in an instance.

“I knew you would come to your senses, girl.” Patting you gently on the shoulder, your father smiled big. “It’s easy to get swept up in nerves during this whole thing but I’m glad you’ve thought about how this marriage will be good for you - for all of us.”

Your siblings were thankfully none the wiser to what had transpired and they begged to be informed. Ignoring them, your mother reached for your hand across the table and squeezed it.

“We must go to the modiste later.”

“What for?” You sent her a curious look, you’d just been there the other day for a fitting!

“For your wedding dress.”

[hells-wasabii]

A/N: here goes the second half of the request! I didn't really know where i wanted to go with this drabble in the beginning. I did also take the liberty of applying the same situation, a wife!reader. While the Zestial x wife!reader took place further in the marriage, I wanted to do the opposite here, early on in the marriage. anywho, I'm personally a little on fence with this one but i hope its a decent read nonetheless

Character: Carmilla

Type: Drabble (Carmilla x wife!reader, Fluff)

End-of-the-month reports had all been accounted for and now needed to be reviewed and approved. Damages and inventory would need to be checked as well.

Damn it all.

It was going to be another late night at the office for Carmilla.

She had closed her eyes for a moment, breathing a sigh when a pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders from behind. She had nearly forgotten you were there. You had been so quiet for the past hour, deeply invested in the book that you had brought with you to the office when you surprised the arms dealer with dinner.

In an instant, the overlord relaxed, leaning into the embrace.

"Carmilla, my love." She hummed in response as she continued reading line after line of the report in front of her. Pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek you playfully continued: "Your wife demands your attention."

"Is that so?" Carmilla couldn't fight the smile that took to her lips.

Wife.

The title still made the arms dealer's heart soar, even months after the fact.

Your wedding had been quite the affair. Friends and family were in attendance of course, but so were other overlords and even the princess of hell and her partner. Even the Vee's had stayed true to their RSVP. Carmilla still couldn't believe that the trio had managed to behave themselves, though she likely had her youngest daughter to thank for that.

It had been everything that she could have wanted. Though, truth be told so long as it was you that she was marrying, she couldn't have cared less. The two of you could have been married at home with only her daughters in attendance, that would have been enough for her.

As much as she enjoyed her work, she would much rather be home or out spending time with you and the girls.

"Maybe I could help you? You're always so busy darling." You offer, reading the current report in her hands over her shoulder. Oh, damages were up at the storehouse on the corner of Pain Avenue and Damnation Rd. That wasn't good.

The overlord thought for a moment to consider the proposition. It would make sense, her daughters already played an important part in the company, so why not her wife as well? Would that be something you'd be fine with? She knew for a fact you were more than capable of helping with paperwork, but what about something more? A more active role? It would mean more time out of the office. The time that she could spend with her family. Not to mention, the thought had crossed her mind before. But...

"Would you want that? To help me with the company?"

"Carmilla," You began softly, adoration swimming in your gaze. "So long as I'm with you, hell may as well be heaven. I would be honored."