#leukemia survivor

[thisgirllovesbobbydalbec]

Thanks, Bobby -- from this childhood Leukemia survivor! 🎗❤️

[highlandadder]

Hey all, I am a disabled childhood acute lymphoblastic leukemia survivor with RA, fibro, and various mobility issues related to chemo as a very young child.

I used to run. I used to hike. I used to go out herping and just enjoy nature. Now I can barely walk around my own backyard.

I desperately need mobility aids for not only my physical health, but my mental health.

I only need about $180 to get crutches from M+D to greatly improve my life.

Please donate here if you can or ask me for my venmo.

If you donate, message me and I will make you a personalized meme from my own personal collection of silly pet photos.

[barrywhite01]

Feel free to check out my store link here: http://tee.pub/lic/AhSxQFzsSZs

[dramamath]

One Year Farther Away -- One Year Closer

Today is my three-year end-of-treatment anniversary. The photo on the left was taken on the first day of treatment, November 5, 2019. The photo on the right was taken on the last day of treatment, April 1, 2020. If I can continue to survive for another seven years without disease progression, I may never need treatment again. 

Chemotherapy was not unpleasant for me, for which I am grateful. Oh, sure, there was that 4-day hospital stay between the 4th and 5th cycles of treatment, but I survived that. CLL makes managing life a challenge, particularly as I am more susceptible to infections of any kind. I am grateful for my close friends who check in on me and who understand the mental health challenges of needing to isolate when I would rather not.

[primamchorus]

Sweat & Oil

[yappleart]

This month I am officially 10 years off chemo for my acute leaukemia.

As grateful as I am to have survived with the amazing help of nurses and doctors who I am eternally thankful for being a childhood cancer survivor has come with its various challenges but they seem to grow less significant as I grow and 10 years later I am much more knowledgeable about how my cancer has affected me and how to deal with this although I still have a long way to go.

With the release of deadpool 3 which I am VERY hyped for I thought a tribute to the #fuckcancer pink suit that helped raise money for the cause would be suitable (haha do you get it) and who doesn’t like pink????

I am extremely privileged to have had this treatment so I want to use this post as a platform to share some gofundme links to families and people suffering from the genocide in Palestine who due to the violence by Israel cannot access medical care I hope you take the time to read their stories and donate if you can.

Thank you 🎗️

[drkarunakumar]

Foods for Cancer Patients with No Appetite

Cancer treatments often lead to a decreased appetite, making proper nutrition challenging. Maintaining adequate nutrition is crucial for supporting overall health and recovery. Here are some effective strategies and nutrient-dense foods to help cancer patients with low appetites.

How Cancer Affects Appetite:

Nausea and Vomiting: Common side effects that make eating difficult.

Changes in Taste and Smell: Treatments can alter food preferences.

Fatigue: Reduces energy for meal preparation and eating.

Mouth Sores: Painful sores can hinder eating.

Digestive Issues: Bowel changes can impact appetite and nutrient absorption.

Importance of Nutrition:

Maintains Strength and Energy: Supports daily activities.

Supports Immune Function: Helps fight infections.

Promotes Healing: Aids in recovery and tissue repair.

Manages Side Effects: Certain foods can alleviate symptoms.

Improves Quality of Life: Enhances mood and overall well-being.

Nutrient-Dense Foods:

Protein-Rich Foods: Eggs, Greek yogurt, tofu, tempeh, beans, and lentils.

Healthy Fats: Avocado, nuts, seeds, olive oil, coconut milk, and nut butters.

Complex Carbohydrates: Whole grains, legumes, fruits, vegetables, sweet potatoes, and whole grain bread.

Strategies to Improve Appetite:

Small, Frequent Meals: Less overwhelming and easier to manage.

Enhance Flavor and Texture: Use spices, try different cooking methods, and serve at room temperature.

Stay Hydrated: Drink water, herbal teas, and eat hydrating foods like watermelon and oranges.

Maintaining nutrition is essential for cancer patients, even with a reduced appetite. Consult a healthcare provider or dietitian for personalized advice.

Read the full blog here.

[urlocalbone]

The best thing to chillax with in the leukemia ward-

I swear girls with cancer are the prettiest things ever

Including me :3

[chrisyates11-blog]

From the Olympics to Leukemia: Inspiring Journey of a Dallas Athlete

[the-rice-farm]

Against All Odds

“Catch me, Dad!” I squealed as I leapt from the banister of the stairs. He caught me in his arms and twirled me around till the room got fuzzy and my stomach hurt from laughter. 

My mother glowered at him from the glass door of her home office.

“Throw her around like that and she’ll be at the hospital in seconds!”

Dad’s sweet chortling always brought me to my senses. If I were ever comatosed, the sound would jolt me awake like a lightning bolt. 

“That’s if she fell. She’ll never fall, because I’ll never let her go.”

~~~

The immediate jerk of the plane woke me up from my reminiscence straight away. I cracked my neck to one side and groaned at the splitting sound. 

When the pilot announced take-off, I didn’t think my heart could pound any louder than it already was. I picked at the skin around my thumb, and when that got too marred, I toyed with the hem of my athletic shirt. 

Did I want to spend my Saturday morning on an aircraft with a parachute strapped to my back? Not really. In hindsight, did I have a choice?

Well, yes. I did. 

You chose to be here, and you aren’t getting off of this plane until you jump off from it at twelve thousand feet. 

That didn’t necessarily mean I wasn’t allowed to let my anxiety take over as we bounced against the rough gravel while the jet accelerated. 

Maybe I can do this. Maybe I am cut out for this. 

All diverting thoughts flew away from my brain as soon as I felt the plane lift from the ground and into the air. 

Ican’tdothisIcan’tdothisIcan’tdothis-

“Miss? Are…are you okay?” 

I didn’t even bother checking where the voice came from, or even confirming if the comment was directed towards me. 

“Just peachy,” I breathed. 

The voice laughed. “It’s not that bad, trust me. I’ve-” 

I lurched forward when the aircraft suddenly plummeted towards the ground. I felt sharp nails digging into my forearm to keep me from shooting straight across the six feet of space we had between the benches. 

All I heard over the speaker was “minor” and “turbulence”. Only one of them made sense to me, and it definitely wasn’t minor. 

When the plane came to a stop on the runway, I turned to my right. The “voice” came from a tall(er) woman. Her swirly brown hair was pulled back into a braid and her eyes were warm and friendly. They reminded me of freshly baked cookies near a fireplace with cozy blankets. 

“I’m Kahani. Aani for short. You?” She asked with her outstretched and perfectly manicured hand. 

“Kiele. Nice to meet you.” She smiled and her nose ring glinted in the sunlight shining through the windows.

“We should likely be back in the air by… an hour tops?” She looked out the window and nodded her head. “No more aircrafts available for today.”

“How are you so sure?”

She tapped at the embroidery on her shirt. “I’m your instructor. The pilot’s my dad. I come over here to volunteer once a month or so. Even have my own license! Well, obviously, or else I couldn’t qualify to be your instructor,” she laughed. She leaned forward on her hand. “So, what are you doing here? I mean, you’re probably here to skydive, but by the looks of it, it doesn’t seem like you enjoy heights very much. No offense.”

I shrugged. “None taken. I’m fine with heights, but I think the thought of jumping to my doom from twelve thousand feet in the air is enough to nauseate a lot of people.”

She grinned. “Interesting, but you didn’t answer the question. Why are you here, then?”

“If I really had to elaborate, it would be a long story. I’ll run it down--”

“Ah--stop right there,” she said, her finger moving side to side. “We’ve got an hour.” She crossed her legs. “Hit me with it.”

I thought about it. Did I really want to share my entire life story with someone I just met two minutes ago? Aani seemed like a nice person, and my priority voice in my head kept nagging at me. 

Kiele, you run an awareness program. So, spread awareness!

I smiled and drummed my fingers against my phone case. 

“Where should I start?”

~~~

The day I was diagnosed with stage three leukemia was, needless to say, the most god awful day of my life.

I’d been sitting there at my kitchen countertop. I was seventeen and was doing what most normal teenagers would be doing in March: scouring college websites, tours, and program offers. I didn’t think my life could even get more infuriating after I’d learned my dad wouldn’t be coming home for another week. It didn’t really warrant me to sulk like a three-year-old and refuse to eat dinner, but I was too upset to care.

After a few hours of trying to get me to eat, even my own mother had given up and crashed on her desk in her office. No matter how hungry I was, I spurned away the plate she’d set in front of me.

Thinking back, maybe I should’ve eaten. Maybe I would’ve allowed myself a few more weeks of what I thought to be peace and what I called calmness.

I remember slamming open the door to her office and violently shaking my mom so she’d wake up. Even at four in the morning, she was still pretty vigilant and on her guard.

Blood was dripping in splotches all over the floor and various documents from my nose, and no matter how much pressure she put on it, she couldn’t get it to stop. 

Half an hour later, she was running the speed limit with the GPS blaring directions out to the nearest hospital. My hands were trembling and I was cowering in trepidation as tears started pooling in my eyes.

“Kiele Iokua, get yourself together. It’s one nosebleed that I drove you all the way over here for, nothing is going to happen. It’s nothing serious. It’s just like the rest,” she sighed.

The rest were never this bad. The rest never sanctioned a trip to the hospital. 

I don’t remember when we’d entered the hospital, checking in, or even the doctor telling my mom to leave the room. I don’t even remember when they took my blood to the lab or the moments I sat there with waves of unease crashing over my body. 

I just remember those words that turned my life a full one-eighty degrees. 

“I’m…extremely sorry to deliver this news, but… we…we’ve diagnosed you with stage three leukemia. Now, we know this may be…”

I wasn’t listening to whatever the doctor was saying, likely about how things would be okay. And maybe, if I’d truly listened, they would’ve been. 

But all I could think about was how things would never be okay. How was it possible to tell a seventeen year old that their life was being threatened by a fatal disease?

Nothing could have ever prepared me for that day, even if I had more time to be a normal person before I found out. 

My dad was called in from his week-long business trip, and I thought about how a few hours ago, it would’ve made me the happiest person in the entire world. I didn’t think anything could ever achieve that again. 

I hadn’t moved for over six hours, and the doctors had started to get worried. Even Mom went out and had gotten cupcakes from Crumble Bliss to “cheer” me up. How were you supposed to cheer someone up after that?

I didn’t even budge when Dad’s arms were wrapped around me so tight that I couldn’t breathe. 

It was only when my parents had discussed chemo treatment with the doctors and everyone had left the room, the tears started rolling. I must’ve sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for hours that night based on how swollen my eyes were the next morning. 

My parents sent an email to my high school about the situation. My entire future that I had planned was practically gone. Forget about deciding on a college-- I wouldn’t even be able to go to college. 

I thought that maybe after the chemo, I’d feel better. It only got worse. 

After every appointment, I didn’t feel any different. The doctors reassured me that my body was fighting and it would take time to see those results pay off, but I grew more bitter and angrier every second I spent in that hospital. 

I was rude to the nurses and all the physicians who tried to help me. I screamed at them, cried at them, and even kicked at them when they tried to help me. The only person that could manage two words with me on good days was Dad. 

My Dad visited the hospital whenever he could. He cut all his meetings short just to see me and always brought a cupcake or a snack that he knew I loved. 

He held my hand and said that it would be okay, but even he knew it wouldn’t. 

If that wasn’t bad enough, the hair fall started. 

Everytime I ran my hands through the dark locks of my scalp, clumps of hair threaded between my fingers and easily slipped out. By the end of the month, my once thick and long hair was as thin as a twig.

My dad came on the first weekend in April and held my hands.

“Kiele, it’s okay, it’ll grow back before you know it, alright? You’ll be-”

I snapped. I didn’t know what it was that made me lose my temper that day, but I couldn’t take it anymore. 

“No! No, it won’t be okay! Stop pretending like it is, alright? You don’t know what it’s like-- you’ll never know what it’s like. Do you know how hard it is to deal with the fact that I have cancer? Just leave me alone!” My voice cracked near the end of my words and I shoved Dad away until he left. 

He still visited whenever he could after my meltdown, and my mom came by with him to try to get me out of my gloom. 

My embittered attitude only made the cancer worse as months went by. I was rude to anyone who even tried to speak to me, not realizing how much pain I’d been causing them-- and more importantly, how much pain I was causing myself. 

The doctors didn’t know if I’d ever recover, but they’d said it was unlikely after a few months, and I soon might’ve entered stage four. 

They hadn’t told me, but I’d overheard them telling my parents in the waiting room. Anger flooded through me like it did every other day, and I pitied myself day after day, wondering why I was the one stuck with cancer-- what I did so painfully wrong that landed me in this mess. 

A week after that day, I was wandering around the hospital with my IV bag stand rolling next to me. Even after six months, that aftershock still didn’t wear off. I was spiraling into a whirlpool of depression and agony, and it seemed like there was no return. 

I’d stopped short in my tracks right before I was about to turn the corner.

Soft sniffles came from one of the seats, and it was one of the nurses-- one the nurses who was assigned to my ward. 

I looked at the room across from her and saw a young boy-- who couldn’t be more than seven-- swatting away the pills in a nurse’s hand. 

“No! I don’t want it! It won’t help me, okay? Nothing will help! It’s only going to get worse!” He cried aloud. He kicked and screamed and shrieked at anyone who tried to touch him, and even kicked one nurse in the face. He threw so many hurtful insults at them that even my mind started to react to them, even when they weren’t directed at me.

How could…someone say things so…hurtful?

How could that someone…be me?

At that moment, it was like a freight train hit my body. 

I was a horrible person. I was so vile and churlish and so… insolent. I’d taken out all my bottled up resentment at something so out of anyone’s control and unleashed it out on everyone who’d just wanted to help me.

It was then that I decided to suck it up and start to be happy, or at least pretend to, even if I wasn’t. Going through cancer was the hardest point of my life, but that gave me no reason to be such a jerk to people who loved me. 

Optimism didn’t completely get rid of that loneliness I’d always felt in the beginning, but it was the first step.

Even pretending to be happy tricked me into thinking everything was fine, sometimes. I decorated my room with pictures of my family and things I loved, and the nurses even helped me with my new change. 

“We’re proud of you Kiele. Keep fighting,” one of them smiled at me. 

I talked to the doctors and my nurses every chemo session to keep me distracted. They’d told me about their lives, their family, their friends, and news outside of the hospital. I’d slowly gone from pretending to be hopeful, to truly believing it. 

I’d even told my Dad that I was sorry for being so difficult. That day, I shaved off all the remaining hair on my head, and looked at my Dad in the mirror with tears as he soon followed. 

 The positive mindset I followed did wonders to my mental health-- and maybe even my physical. 

I went from waking up every morning and asking myself “why I have to be sick” or “why can’t I be like everyone else”, to appreciating everyone around me and being confident that I could fight back.

There was still one problem. 

I’d forgotten where the room was, but it wasn’t hard to find it again after I followed the

shouts echoing down the hallway at night.  

A nurse came out with a dejected look from the room, but quickly replaced it with a nod and a smile when she saw me. I gently grabbed her wrist. 

“Could you tell me… what you were trying to get him to do? That boy in there,” I asked. 

“He won’t take his medication for today. I’ve tried so much, but I just… he won’t. I-”

I smiled. “I’ll take care of it.”

With that, I rapped my knuckles softly against the door. When no one answered, I clicked open the door and walked in. 

“Go away! I said I didn’t--” the boy stopped yelling when he saw me. “You’re not a nurse,” he said. 

“You’re right, I’m not. I just came here to talk to you. Can I sit here?” I asked him, patting the spot at the foot of his bed. He gingerly nodded.

“Can I ask you…why are you so sad?”

“Huh?”

“You’re feeling a lot of emotions, I know. I know what it-”

Immediately, he lashed out at me. “No you don’t! Stop it! Stop saying you know what it feels like!” Tears were cascading down his cheeks and my heart cracked a little, knowing those were the words that came out of my mouth not too long ago. 

I flinched a little, hurt at his sudden outburst. “You have Crohn's disease, right? That doctor told me. I can’t really say that I completely know what it feels like… but I think I have an idea,” I tentatively said, hoping he wouldn’t burst into a fit of tears again. 

“How?” He glared at me.

“A few months ago, I was diagnosed with stage three leukemia. Blood cancer. It was the worst day of my life. I felt like there was nothing in the world that could make me feel like a normal person again.

Just like you, I was filled with hatred and acerbity towards everyone. I yelled at the nurses, the doctors, and even my own parents. I think I even made them cry sometimes,” I said. I didn’t like thinking about those memories-- it reminded me of the person I used to be, and I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

He blinked at me. “I don’t know who my parents are. A volunteering camp raised money for some of us to receive treatment here,” he said, his voice wavering. 

“Do…do I make the nurses cry? Did I hurt their feelings?”

I decided not to sugarcoat it. “Yes, you did, but it’s okay. It’s hard to live in this world and think about why we had to be the unfortunate ones, isn’t it? I hated it, and I still dislike having cancer. I lost energy, my friends, and even my hair. It took me a while to get over that. But I like to think about something-- do you wanna know what it is?”

He hesitated, but then nodded. “We were chosen to carry these burdens because we’re stronger than anyone else. Fighting back isn’t something just anyone could do, you know that? Overcoming these challenges will only make us even more powerful. The only thing stopping that is yourself,” I said, pointing at him with my finger. “You have the ability to change that-- you just have to believe. Be hopeful. Be idealistic. Be optimistic.”

We shared a few minutes of silence before I spoke again.

“Will you take your meds now?”

He reached over for the glass of water next to him and firmly nodded. 

“I…I’m sorry. For yelling at you,” he said, not making eye contact with me. 

“Apology accepted, but I don’t think it's me that you should be apologizing to, right?”

“Right.”

~~~

After Jun expressed his regret to all the nurses, I found out that he was pretty sweet. Once I’d made a friend, the hospital didn’t feel so lonely anymore--even if my friend was a seven year old kid.

Jun and I took walks around the hospital facilities and sometimes even the central rotunda parks, when both of us were feeling up for it. I spent time in his room, and he spent time in mine. He even came to some of my chemo sessions to talk to me. His company was fresh and we found solace in each other. 

He’d never learned, so sometimes, I took him to the library and taught him how to read and write. It was tough, considering he had occasional severe stomach aches and I was still battling the rapid cell growth in my body, but we made it work. Jun was a fast learner, and it made me happy to see him grow so much over a few months. 

Seemingly, I started feeling better after the continuous chemotherapy, and before I knew it, almost two years had passed since I first inhabited the facilities. 

Even Jun showed some change-- not a lot, but it was a start that made us happy. I introduced him to my Dad, and he was more than happy to keep Jun entertained.

He bought card games, books, and loads of activities every month to the hospital. He’d spend hours in my room with Jun curled up next to him, telling us both stories and playing games. It felt silly that I was nineteen years old and I was playing Hungry Hippos with a kid instead of being in college studying for midterms, but I didn’t care. 

After a while, I was permitted to stay at my home to transition to outpatient care and continue my treatment in scheduled sessions during the week. I was elated. After so long, it was a dream come true, but I thought about Jun. As much as I didn’t want to leave him, both my parents wanted me to come home for so long, I just couldn’t deny them.

I walked into Jun’s room one day, half expecting him to throw a tantrum when I told him the news. Instead, to my surprise, he hugged me. “You taught me that positivity is the best medicine, and I want to share it with others. You deserve this after being stuck here so long. You’ll visit, right?” He looked up at me with his gray eyes and tousled brown hair. I smiled.

“All the time.”

~~~

I didn’t feel that I was ready to start going to school in person, so I finished high school online. I got my diploma, and even had a private graduation party that Jun was invited to. 

My life seemed to get better from then on. I wrote my college essay about my experience, and I’d gotten into a university not too far away from the hospital. Along with visiting my parents, I visited Jun every weekend. 

I didn’t have to go for a chemo session every month then, just a few routine check-ups. My hair had even started to grow back, and I felt suffocated through pure joy. Before, I thought it would never grow back, but seeing my scalp littered with dark brown hair made my heart burst. 

Before cancer, I’d never known what I would truly want to do in life, but the first thing I did out of university was apply to research programs. I wanted to help people, but not just by being a scientist, or researcher.

With Jun and the hospital staff’s help, I started my volunteer center with great pride and joy, knowing that I’d discovered my calling. 

Jun’s presence in my life was a constant reminder of my resilience and finding strength in each other when I’d been told that I was finally cancer-free. 

~~~

“Everyone said that the survival rate at my stage was extremely low, but nothing makes me prouder to say that I beat it. I’m a cancer survivor,” I said, smiling at Aani and pointing to my wrist with the tattoo of a ribbon. I ran my hand over my curly mid-length braid. “Even have my hair to prove it.”

“That--that’s amazing! Turning your life around like that takes real courage, and if you can beat cancer, then I definitely think you can skydive. Even if that story was beautiful-- you still never answered the question. Why are you here?”

“I’m one of the supervisors at that very hospital wing as a research intern. One of the kids there didn’t think she was going to survive this autoimmune disease she had, but she’s brave. She told me skydiving was her dream, and I wanted to make it come true.”

Aani stared at me in awe. “You are… truly an amazing person. Can I ask-- what happened to Jun?”

My heart raced. “I loved my Dad so much that I didn’t think it was possible to love him more, you know? Not until he showed me the adoption papers. Jun’s my younger brother now, and he’s been attending high school like a regular kid after getting discharged. He’s the one who got me to do this today, actually,” I laughed. 

  So much time had passed while talking, that I hadn’t even realized the plane must’ve taken off a while ago. I stared out the window and I could barely even see anything over green that stretched out for miles. 

My back straightened. I went stiff, knowing that soon that time would come. Aani put her hand on my shoulder to unstrain my posture. 

“My first few months at the hospital, I absolutely hated the feeling of missing out on so many things that I knew would go on during senior year,” I said, distracting myself. “But you know who stuck with me through thick and thin, even when I was such a jerk? My Dad.”

Everyone started getting up and strapping themselves up to their instructors. Aani tapped my forehead. “Breathe. Relax. I can’t tighten the straps if you're so tense! Keep going-- tell me something he said.”

I inhaled and eased my body. “The power of optimism completely altered my life and without that, I wouldn’t be where I am now,” I spoke, shutting my eyes. “When I apologized to him after I’d started my positive mindset phase, he’d told me something that I later told Jun, and now I tell all the kids in the ICU wing. If you wait to be happy until life isn’t hard anymore, then you’ll waste your whole life waiting,” I said, not even registering that we were up next to jump out. 

“You must love your Dad a lot, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” my voice quivered looking down at the ground and my heart hammered against my chest. 

“If you fought cancer while you were in stage three,” Aani yelled over the loud wind. “Then you can survive jumping out of a plane. Don’t waste your whole life wishing you didn’t back out! Ready?” she asked. 

I looked down and smiled. “More than ever.”

And in that moment, I knew I wasn’t even lying-- against all odds, I would always triumph over anything. I welcomed the rush of the air currents against my face when Aani leapt from the platform. 

Catch me, Dad. 

•••

This story was written to show the journey of a cancer survivor who finds strength and resilience through the hardships she faced throughout her life. It is a constant reminder even if you aren’t struggling in life, the power of optimism brings out true resilience. 

[spacefricks]

please join the registry.

[mylordshesacactus]

Okay so like I'm sorry to everyone else's Modern AU Headcanons or whatever but the actual modern equivalent here is that your plane has crashed in rural Nebraska and the survivors are

You

A homeschooled goth girl who was raised in a bunker by a bunch of excommunicated Scientologists

A pissed-off bisexual who grew up in some kind of sovereign-citizen compound and has vastly overestimated her current class rankings at West Point

The disgraced son of some politician who made a deal with the mob to protect someone and then took a dive to protect his father's reputation rather than try to explain

Straight-up a human trafficking survivor who's using a fake ID to try to flee the country

Genuinely a really sweet young woman trying to get out of an abusive relationship whose shitty ex-girlfriend destroyed her highly-controlled and incredibly expensive heart medication out of spite to punish her for leaving, and who also lost her health insurance when she ran

and of course

Some guy from the Hamptons who is otherwise honestly super friendly and normal, except that he's managing his terminal leukemia by sucking the dye out of shoes and it actually seems to be working

[smallpwbbles]

What do you think about grownup movie!maria being a medical doctor and a PhD one as a Astromater, she runs a program that gives out free healthcare to parents that have children with fatal diseases since she was a survivor of childhood leukemia, said program also provides medical aid for low/no income families, and maternal services, but it’s mainly the first two, she also followed in her grandfather by trying to find a cure for her granddaughter brittle bone disease

That’s a lovely idea (one of my huge gripes with the movie is what they did with her disease so I just love people completely ignoring that they did that and having ideas like this)

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

By Kelly Betts

People can’t see my disability from the outside. I worry that in this current political climate and with the new law, it may not end at the comments and harassment I already face.

On Thursday, officials in Nassau County, New York, where I live, signed a mask ban into law, one of the first of its kind in the country. And while to most healthy adults it doesn’t mean much, to those with serious health conditions, like me, it makes getting out into the world a lot harder.

The ban was touted by lawmakers as a public safety measure after reported antisemitic incidents and protests at various New York universities, many involving people wearing masks. Those who violate the new law face a misdemeanor charge punishable by up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine. And while there are exemptions for people with religious and medical reasons, it’s not dealing with the law that I’m afraid of. It’s dealing with the “citizen cops” of the world who will be using their discretion to enforce it.

I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia in February 2023. It’s a fast-growing type of blood cancer. I underwent more than five rounds of chemotherapy, and the following July, thanks to an amazingly generous donor, I had a stem cell transplant, something I knew nothing about until I got sick. I was given some of the most powerful chemotherapies to kill my old immune system and any remaining cancer cells. Then I was given my donor’s stem cells to help build a brand-new immune system.

There are a lot of risks that come along with the transplant, especially in the early stages as the stem cells are engrafting and you have no immune system. The first 100 days are the riskiest, and you must watch everything from what you eat to how it’s prepared, and most of all the people around you. Your body is starting from scratch, so you have almost no immunities. Any vaccinations you’ve had over your lifetime have been wiped out. For the last year since my transplant, my immune system has slowly been getting stronger. But building a new immune system takes years, and I have a long way to go. So, wearing my face mask whenever I go out is essential.

That brings me back to the new law. I wear a medic alert bracelet and would hope that showing it to the police, should it ever become an issue, would be enough. But that’s not guaranteed, because anyone can just order one. Would I be forced to show up in court to prove my medical condition to a judge? And what cost and time could that take, all to protect my health? And what about my family or people who act as caregivers, who don’t technically have medical conditions of their own, but still wear masks to protect me? Would there be an exemption for them?

Most of all, I worry about those who have strong feelings against masks. As we know, many people read headlines and not always the full story. And just reading most of the headlines, all someone will know is that there’s a mask ban in Nassau County. Even at the height of my illness, with no hair and really looking like I had cancer, I still got comments like “Covid is over” or “that’s not protecting you.” And while the few comments hurt, especially while I was battling for my life, I could shake them off. I had a bigger fight ahead of me.

Now, healthier with hair again and 43 years old, the comments continue. But I worry that in this current political climate and with the new law, it may not end at that. People can’t see my disability from the outside. It’s been hard to get back out in the world, as many can relate to after going through a global pandemic. Even being as careful as I am and just starting to let my guard down a little in outdoor settings, I caught Covid. And it took my body and immune system down hard. Luckily, I’m recovering and back to wearing my mask diligently, even outdoors.

I want to be able to return to my normal life. And go out with friends, see a Broadway show, and one day get back to my office in the city. But now with New York City considering passing its own mask ban, I don’t know when I would feel safe enough to do that. Is this law really protecting the masses?

[gaykamenriderdreams]

Alright ok alright ok ALRIGHT

Shin Kamen Rider (2023). ALRIGHT.

This movie dropkicked me off a building so hard I BOUNCED when I hit the ground

And now I'm going to talk about it! Literally cannot shut up!

This got LONG (hit the post size limit) so I'm going to shove it under a Read More or two to be polite. [This is part 1 of 2!]

Have fun!!

To start things off, let’s talk

BACKGROUNDS

Starting with Hongo!

Comparing 71 vs the manga...

In both, he’s still a student. In 71, he’s an active member of the Tachibana racing club, with several friends who are club members! Most of them are out of town, but can be expected to return for races, especially his friend and racing rival, Goro Hayase!

In the manga, he was raised and supported by Tachibana Tobei after both his parents passed away in his youth.

Shin Kamen Rider (2023) uses NEITHER of these backstories, and in the process, it makes Hongo more alone than ever. No family, no friends, no racing club, just one former professor that didn’t stay in contact and then betrayed his trust and violated his bodily autonomy.

And I'm not just talking about turning him into an Aug either!! When they meet again, Professor Midorikawa just GRABS Hongo’s belt to demonstrate how to release the transformation. Without asking, without explaining it so Hongo can do it on his own without being touched. That belt is part of him now. Grabbing it like that… It’s just not the same as fixing someone’s tie or wiping food off their face—though you’d ASK before you did those things too.

I wanted to punch this man for real for real. Don't think that just because you designed him you have the right to put your damn hands on him!! BACK THE FUCK UP

...I personally enjoyed how they took some time to recognize Professor Midorikawa’s culpability for Hongo’s abduction.

In the manga he says he meant for them to escape together before Hongo was modified, but in the ’71 show he says no such thing. He asks for Hongo’s forgiveness, but doesn’t deny that he recommended Hongo to Shocker.

In Shin… he doesn’t even seem sorry. AT ALL.

He justifies everything to Hongo by poking at sensitive subjects that were likely discussed in confidence, if at all. And all this is in front of Ruriko, this girl Hongo’s never met, who proceeds to tell him to his face that the reason he’s alone is because he’s unlikeable. And Professor Midorikawa doesn’t say a word in Hongo’s defense! He silently agrees with her! He’s probably even the person that told her that about Hongo in the first place!

Even when Hongo looks at him for help and support, the professor just ignores him. And Hongo just… silently accepts that. Like he didn’t expect anything else.

Like he expects to be ignored, or betrayed, or hurt by others. Like that’s what “normal” is for him.

AND THAT AIN’T EVEN GETTING INTO THE SHIT WITH HIS DAD DING-DONG DITCH DYING ON HIM HOOO BOY

And then there’s Hayato!

Hey what the fuck does that mean?

Comparing Hayato's original appearances...

In 71 he appears from nowhere like he was born on that table.

There’s One Guy (Mr. Yamazaki) that he studied photography with, and he doesn’t even know Hayato that well!! They were acquaintances, from Yamazaki’s point of view. And even after Hayato saves his life, he’s just like “well, time to go back to not ever contacting him” like what

In the manga, he has a family in a fishing village. He left and published a series of photographs called “Chasing the Black Rain”, discussing the long-term effects of nuclear fallout from the atomic bombs dropped on Japan. During the project, he made friends with two survivors, a kid with leukemia and his older sister. They’ve known each other for months, and he visits them regularly.

So it seems like Shin Kamen Rider leans more into the ’71 series for Hayato’s backstory.

He’s alone too. If he has any connections with other people, they’re superficial. Colleagues, former classmates… none of whom bothered to stay in touch. No one who Hayato would want to get in touch with when he was freed. No one who’d care when he went missing. No one who’d care if he stayed gone.

With background established, there’s two questions left.

How’d he end up in Shocker’s hands?

And how he’d end up an Aug? THESE ARE DIFFERENT QUESTIONS.

Presumably, they picked him up when he was getting a little too close to getting a scoop on Shocker. There’s plenty of missing-persons cases he could have gotten caught up in, especially given all the incident reports on Shocker operations that Taki has.

Ending up an Aug though… that’s more complex.

The average Shocker abduction victim or volunteer just becomes a mindless drone—one of the goons. NOT a full Aug.

The Augs seem to be exclusively those people that the AI “I” decides are truly miserable, moreso than anyone else.

SO HEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT HAYATO. HMM.

SADNESS

            They’re both really sad (in different ways)! And the fact that they’re both Augs and not regular goons is canon confirmation of that!

 Ichiro/Butterfly Guy says that he ‘tweaked’ Hayato. So he didn’t make him from scratch, like Professor Midorikawa did for Hongo. Which MEANS that whatever sorting process the AI “I” goes through to pick Augs, Hayato qualified, without anyone else’s thumbs on the scales.

            On Hongo’s side of things, I’d argue that if Professor Midorikawa was able to get permission to make Hongo into an Aug, that also means he was able to convince K that Hongo would fulfill I’s Miserable Requirements, whatever those are. There aren’t very many Augs to start with, and Ruriko’s shock at there being an Aug she didn’t know about suggests that they take time, skilled labor, and resources to make—which Shocker might not have in large supply, since they still seem to be getting their footing as a cult. So I think they would be pretttty picky about who exactly get the “privilege” of being augmented. This would also make the “glum-chum” comment from Ruriko make even more sense. If she’s saying that, she must have heard it or read it from somewhere, likely from Professor Midorikawa. He’d probably mention it or put it in his notes on Hongo IF it was important for his plans—and if “I” only accepts Aug candidates that are depressed, and Midorikawa needs an Aug candidate he KNOWS will qualify… that could be a large part of why Hongo was picked in the first place. The Professor even seems to indirectly confirm this when he justifies his decision to Hongo. He says “I know your despair” and says that “it had to be you”. If Hongo’s the most miserable guy he knows, and he needed someone sad in order to ‘pass inspection’… then yeah, it had to be Hongo.

In the same speech he claims that Hongo “wanted it”. What he DOESN’T say is anything like “I wanted to help you”. He damn well knows what he did was selfish, and that he’s exploiting Hongo’s suffering for power, even IF he’s trying to use that power to destroy Shocker’s evil.

"You wanted it". Disgusting. That's a pretty excuse, if by pretty you mean "pretty damn bullshit".

Anyway back to Hongo and Hayato.

APPROACHES TO PEOPLE

The way these two think about other people drives me insane. It’s so different from their previous portrayals in a way that’s so fascinating to me.

In Shin Kamen Rider, Hongo really does think that he’s loved and cared about.

But everyone he thinks that about, hurts him relentlessly, and/or just leaves. They’re not reliable.

His dad! Doesn’t even look at Hongo. Even when they're face-to-face he doesn't focus on what's right in front of him. He gets himself killed without any sort of safety net for his kid when he Damn Well Knows he’s a cop and that’s a dangerous job. (For every other version of Hongo, he at least has Tachibana!) And I hear you saying, he didn’t mean to leave Hongo behind… which is true! But I’m not talking about what any of these characters meant to have happen, I'm talking about the impact they had on Hongo, and the way they made him feel emotionally.

Professor Midorikawa! Solely responsible for getting him Borged and then doesn’t even have the decency to treat him with respect afterwards! Heavily implied he was saying shit about Hongo behind his back! And then he dies!

Ruriko (when they first meet)! Eventually, the care he shows her is reciprocated when she recognizes that what he fears more than almost anything else is being abandoned, AGAIN. So she figures out how to stay even IF she dies. But before that she is… really quite mean.

But even though these people caused him pain, Hongo doesn’t care, because being hurt is just normal, for him.

People he cares about hurt him so much, too much, and he thinks that's normal. That’s just how it is. That’s how love works, the people who love you hurt you, and then you’re not good enough somehow, and then they leave you behind.

Hayato… he thinks nobody SHOULD love him. Because why would they?

Because that's just normal. Nobody has before so nobody should.

For him seeing anyone express any sort of care towards him is just… alien. He hasn’t a clue what to do.

It’s like, “If you care about me that's weird why are you doing that? Let me help I'll just go away. That will make things better (normal) again”

He tries to get away from Hongo as fast as he can, but why? He LIKES Hongo. He takes his photo. He wants to remember him. He wants to help him. So if he’s leaving, he must think that that’s how he can help. That’s what ‘helping’ is—staying away.

He goes out of his way to tell Hongo that hey, you don’t need to worry about me! I’ll be fine! I’m okay with being alone, so you don’t have to be guilty! You can be relieved that I’m gone! (Everyone else is relieved when I leave. That’s just normal)

OOHG but their ideas of "normal" just HURT them SO SO SO BAD

NEED EACH OTHER

So what really REALLY kicks my ass is how the fucked up way they both view relationships is mended by their partnership with each other. They finally get to interact with someone who breaks their expectation of how things are “supposed” to work, and in doing so, they form an equal relationship of mutual care.

This really came together for me in the dark of the tunnel.

They both have a moment where they just. PAUSE. And don't say anything. And just, process. In silence.

AND IT'S A DIFFERENT MOMENT FOR BOTH OF THEMM

Hayato's Big Pause is when Hongo calls them the Double Riders for the first time (this is also the first time in the film where anyone claims Hayato as "theirs" or "belonging" in any way that's RECIPROCATING Hayato's feelings instead of commanding him)

And he just. He Doesn't Say Anything for a LONG moment. He has to PROCESS THAT.

BELONGING to someone, BELONGING WITH someone.

As a PERSON, not a tool.

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

For HONGO, it's here

Someone asking him if he's okay, offering to help, not leaving even when he's struggling to keep up, coming BACK for him. It’s the first time someone comes BACK.

He takes SO LONG to take Hayato's hand... it's like he's scared it'll be pulled away again....

AND THEN HE APOLOGIZES FOR BEING HESITANT.

They both provide what the other thinks is impossible.

For Hayato, it's the living-in-the-moment EXPERIENCE of Having Someone There who Wants Him To Stay.

And for Hongo, it's the PROMISE of being there to help not hurt, the reliability, the not-going-to-abandon-you,,,, and the only thing he can do in response to that impossible premise, of “someone who won’t abandon you, someone who will come back”, is promise to right back, to never leave Hayato alone, even if he dies. He also finds a way to stay, because he knows how being left behind feels.

It seems like despite Hongo saying he doesn't want to be like his father, he ended up dying like him anyway, but!! I don't see it that way.

He made sure that no matter what, he wouldn't be leaving his loved ones all alone. Even though he didn't think he'd survive, he wanted to at least make sure his helmet was recovered, so that Hayato and Ruriko would both have each other to lean on.

I have to lie down this shit is too much

Also FUCK I did NOT come up with this but as soon as I saw it it KICKED my FUCKING ass

So there’s this repeated line about “pain” being one stroke away from “happiness”, when you write it out—

—And hey look look look LOOK

Ichimonji Hayato —>一文字 隼人

HEY WHAT’S THAT??? ONE STROKE??? 一????

Literally translated, Hayato’s first name means something like “the character for one”

So… he’s the one line needed to turn Hongo’s pain into happiness

Yeah just bury me in the dirt, alright, ok,

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS VERY MUCH DUE

[THIS IS PART ONE OF TWO IF YOU LIKED IT YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY READING PART 2 here or on my actual blog here (it's green! Yeah!)]

[acknowledge-reigns]

Somebody truly had the nerve to say Roman has never had to deal with or wrestle with injuries/set backs in his career and that he "could never power through like C*dy did with his torn pec". First of all, comparing how these two athletes deal with injuries is big fucking weird but since we're going there and I take my role of #1 Joe Anoa'i defender to heart what I'm not about to do is let y'all set up here on this internet and make it seem as if my Tribal Chief ain't ever fought through shit because this man is a WARRIOR, do you hear me???

(HE'S A TWO TIME LEUKEMIA SURVIVOR SINCE Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS LIKE TO FORGET HE KICKED CANCER'S ASS TOO.) Generally speaking, not just that situation but in many others in Joe's life, some of your faves would have folded. (especially those two yt men that run from company to company when they don't get their way) . Really this ain't shade to C*dy, I give him his props for powering through injuries and shit too. Most of these superstars have. And saying some of them would probably fold (hell, I would. Most of us would.) Isn't saying they're weak. I'm saying Roman is a badass on a different level and you can argue with your momma or with the wall on that one, not me.

List of injuries/illnesses known to us throughout Roman's career -

Back + Hip injury 2023 (Sumerslam, v Jey Uso.)

Ruptured Ear Drum 2022 (Survivor Series, v Kevin Owens who surprised him with a spot that was not planned and resulted in the injury. There however is no bad blood between the two.)

Had COVID 2022 (https://www.espn.com/wwe/story/_/id/32974962/roman-reigns-wwe-biggest-star-tests-positive-covid-19-scratched-atlanta-event)

Lingering affects from COVID 2022 (due to being immunocompromised https://www.fightful.com/wrestling/roman-reigns-discusses-his-covid-experience-says-he-still-feels-chest-tightness)

Shoulder/Arm injury 2022 (Wrestlemania 38, v Brock Lesnar)

Reveals Leukemia treatment side effects (including Nausea and arthritis in arms and legs, mentioned in 2019 and 2020 interviews. Ex. https://www.leukaemiacare.org.uk/support-and-information/latest-from-leukaemia-care/inspirational-stories/roman-reigns-wwe-cml-and-me/#:~:text=Previously%2C%20Reigns%20revealed%20to%20the,in%20terms%20of%20being%20sick.)

Knee Injury 2019 (Hell in a cell tornado tag with Daniel Bryan, v Erick Rowan and Luke Harper.)

Second battle with Leukemia 2018

Eye injury, required stitches 2018 (after 6 man tag match on RAW https://www.wrestlingnewsworld.com/wwe/roman-reigns-gets-stitches-raw)

Shoulder injury + Cracked ribs 2017 ( RAW, v Braun Strowman)

Shattered nose + Surgery 2016 ( v Triple H. See attached article https://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/2016-02-22/article/reigns-surgery)

Needed stitches May 2016 (live show, see photos https://www.wwe.com/worldwide/gallery/roman-reigns-receives-stitches-in-melbourne-australia-photos#fid-40042095)

Head Injury that required staples 2014 (https://youtu.be/OYMce1GDiDc?si=KtbVybtoQVr7FKDL)

Emergency surgery for Hernia 2014 (which he wrestled for some time while dealing with, see WWE.com article herehttps://www.wwe.com/shows/nightofchampions/2014/roman-reigns-breaking-news)

This list does not include FCW injuries, football injuries or his 2007 leukemia diagnosis durring which he was unhoused with a child on the way. And these are just the instances we know of!

Say what you will about Roman in kayfabe but do not minimize the struggles Joe has been through or his resilience. And if you're a Roman "fan" buying into the the rhetoric that he hasn't faced any adversity then as my dear friend @love-islike-abomb says, Please "Go whistle in the woods". IYKYK.

Oh and while we all here...

Acknowledge him, Bitches ☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾.