#lets try to list all the fuckers i simp for

[crxss01]

Hii can u do a 42 miles fluff fic where his uncle caught a him being soft for us and teases him for it

— My Future

pairing ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ 42!miles morales x reader

summary ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ miles gets caught by his uncle cuddling you and saying sweet nothings to you while you were asleep.

warnings ✧˖ °fluff, cuddling, cursing, implied murder and kidnapping, mentions of threats, implied on and off relationship, miles being a softy for you.

m. list, main m. list.

translations ✧࿓☾ te amo tanto, sabías?: i love you so much, did you know?, desde el momento que te ví: from the moment i saw you, mi princesa: my princess.

a/n . . ◟੭ hey, sweet anon! i live for soft miles so here you go, i hope you enjoy!

miles ran his hand up and down your back, your head on his chest, one leg thrown on top of his stomach and your arm hugging him close to you. one of his legs was tangled with your other one and his other arm was wrapped around your waist.

he had been whispering things to you the moment he felt your breathing come to a calm and slow pace, your soft breath making him feel butterflies in his stomach. he hated the feeling but he couldn’t help it when he was with you so he became used to it.

everytime he sees you always felt like the first, the moment he saw you he felt those butterflies but at the time he didn’t know what they were because he never had that feeling before. with time he realized what they meant and thought that they would go away when he confessed but life proved him wrong.

“te amo tanto, sabías?” he whispered. “desde el momento que te ví.”

it was love at first sight for him, it was a cliché and he had completely despised that it happened to him but that negative feeling disappeared when he got to know you.

“i thought you were beautiful…” he continued. “that’s why i bothered you.” he let out a quiet chuckled at that.

miles had started to annoy you after the first meeting, not even waiting a day. you sat next to him in class due to assigned seats and he took that as an advantage to make your learning impossible in that class, and was even worse in the hallway where no teacher was looking and stopping him from doing so.

“i would do anything for you,” his hand stopped moving, coming to a stop at the small of your back. “even kill for you.”

it was true, miles had almost beat up a guy to death when the fucker tried to lay his hands on you. if it wasn’t because you were there telling him to stop with tears in your eyes, fear clear in them, he would’ve killed the guy.

he later discovered that the fear wasn’t directed towards him, but because of what would happen to him if he killed someone in public where there were many witnesses, no mask covering his face to protect him from his crime.

“i would even die for you.” his hand continued with his previous movement.

another truth, he remembers that time you were kidnapped by one of his many enemies. it was right after breaking up with you for a fifth time to protect you from his life as the prowler, but it was useless because you were used against him anyway. but even then he gave himself in just to save you, not making a plan because it would put your life in danger, he had been unaware of the plan his uncle had made.

“anything, mi princesa…” he finished, placing a kiss on top of your head.

“you’re a real simp, ain’t you.” he heard his uncle’s voice.

miles looked at his bedroom door, wondering when the hell did his uncle opened the door without him even realizing.

“getting rusty, huh?” his uncle leaned against the frame. “didn’t even notice i was here at all while you were saying all the lovey-dovey shit.”

miles rolled his eyes and spoke, trying hard not to sound embarrassed. “do you need something?”

“nah, just checking on you.” uncle aaron shrugged. “today’s mission was pretty rough, but you seem to be doing just fine.”

“yeah, yeah.” miles dismissed. “whatever.”

his uncle laughed, making sure it was not loud enough to wake you. “i know you’re embarrassed right now, no need to pretend.” he then turned more serious. “if you really care that much about her, make sure she feels the same way, miles. don’t want you getting hurt.”

miles smirked. “she does feel the same.”

“you think so?” uncle aaron raised an eyebrow.

“i know so.”

“if you say so.” his uncle nodded.

“she promised me her future and i promised her mine, so yeah i’m sure.” miles said simply.

“protect her.” his uncle said before closing the door, saying a goodnight.

“i will.”

miles placed another kiss to your head. “always.”

taglist: @anikaluv @janaeby @queerponcho

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ reblogs are really appreciated!

[brights-place]

Hello :D I really love your writing and can't find creek content anywhere else so thanks for carrying the simps

Could I get creek with an insecure or trans male reader? Thank you ♡

Creek with an Trans! S/O

Pairing: Creek X S/O

Warnings: Transphobia, cursing, and fluff

A/N: I hate this little shit- I MEAN! Thank you for the request! Of this lovely troll that I def don’t hate and want to rip his organs out AHEM! Anywayssss It’s all good! Your like my 8th request so it’s fine! plus I love writing requests for all of you even if it includes that bitch of an troll (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

- Creek dating an trans s/o is so cute in my view! - If your having dysphoria his approach is quiet and relaxed - He cradled your head to his chest, soothing you with calming words and gentle caresses to clear your mind. - This little hippie would try get you to do meditation techniques for calming you down and helping to clear your mind - He'll ask you what he can do and what you need in that moment knowing that what worked last time might not work now - He's good at slipping little affirmations into conversation even if it's just restating your pronouns to you and makes sure to give you positive energy and make you feel good mentally - If you didn't want to open up to him that's alright! he understands and will be there by your side no matter what!

- The thing is Creek may be ca;m and selfish but if someone is transphobic to you he would smile sweetly but in his mind his is imagining himself full force clocking that mother fuckers face if they tried disrespecting you - He would be your biggest supporter when it comes to you being trans. - When he see's you staring at yourself in the mirror too long he'd go behind you kiss your hand and kiss your face - Pet names to the max with this man you get complimented by him 24/7 telling you "Your such an pretty boy" - Helps you take your testosterone every chance he gets since he wants to help! - If your taller + able to carry him around? He's jumping into your arms smirking - ADORES your top surgery scars and kisses them Let's you kiss his freckles if he can also kiss your scars - Buys you male clothes all the time and sometimes make you both match - Every time your insecure he'd comment on how your an handsome man which makes you melt - Your broke and need money for the stuff you need? He's gotchuuu! - Binder! He paying! You need money for an therapist so you can get diagnosis and get testosterone? Already paying! you need new haircut? Well creek will beg you his s/o to let him - You don't even get an choice he already payed and makes sure you don't know... YOU DO KNOW HE CA'T HIDE IT! - This man will force you to do yoga to relax you and help you try not to be anymore stressed

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact

[pickle-bickle]

I don't have ANY taste in movies. My ADD Bastard monké brain just hyperfixates on one actor at a time and then I sit to watch as many of their movies as I can. And since I got a weird tendency to obsess with people from the 70's, it looks like I watch lots of Classic™ movies and like I got a quality taste. No. I just simp for this man who happened to make 48384858 movies during the Hollywood golden age or whatever that time was called. Sorry to disappoint anyone who ever thought anything good about me

[orionwynnter669]

UNPOPULAR NSFW OBEY ME OPINIONS

I'm joking ofc. Idk if these are really unpopular opinions, but they're my opinions. But anyway yeah NSFW below the cut 18+ minors gtfo dni pls and ty

Lucifer

Tbh I wouldn't even consider fucking him if it weren't for the bdsm.

The only one I'd ever call Daddy

I want him to call me good boy while he rearranges my insides.

Mammon

Is a switch

Goes from arrogant top to whiney bottom.

Is the only reason I developed into a switch

He makes me wanna make him beg

Could call me "My Precious" to be sweet and I'd bust out laughing, LOTR got me by the nonexistent balls I'm sorry.

Leviathan

If it's not the hc where he's got two dicks in his demon form then I don't want it.

You can try convincing me he's a sub.

I won't believe you.

It may take a lot to build his confidence enough to get him going

But once he's going you won't be able to walk straight for a month

Definitely a fan of those fics where you cockwarm him while he's playing FFIV

DP Monster Fucker right here.

Satan

I'm more of a dog person when it comes to pet names, but I'd let him call me kitten unironically and get away with it.

Discord mod mf

Would probably use the same pet names as Lucifer. I know it, you know it, if either one of us say that to his face he'll probably explode.

Also only wanna fuck him for the bdsm

Asmodeus

You already know. Kinkiest mf on the list. Knows everything and every position. Could go on for hours, make you cum countless times, and not even be done with foreplay.

He'd make me feel so good about myself and my body, knocking out every one of my insecurities. The idea of it is just so soft and wholesome.

I'd learn to love my body while he's busy leaving his marks all over it

And the aftercare is *mwah*, chef's kiss

Beelzebub

My favorite. A fucking unit. Man works out and it shows.

No it's not just because I have a size kink be quiet

The only one I'd let eat me out

And yes as he does you bet your ass I'm over there droolin on his cock.

Adorable in the streets, fucking menace in the sheets

I can go on for hours but I don't want to be too blatant with my favoritism. I'll save that for a different post

Belphie

I want to be clear. I don't like degradation.

That said, he can call me a slutty whore and I'd let him get away with it.

The only one I'd let be mean to me

Threesomes with Beel are a major plus

Literal cuddle fuck

Diavolo

Now this one

This one is because I have a size kink

I don't care about royalty or any of that

I'm mainly just curious to see how much his cock would bulge out my stomach

Barbatos

This man can do whatever he wants to me I don't even care

He's incredibly intimidating, but also so fuckin fine

I'd be scared and horny at the same time ngl

Would treat you like royalty by day

Would treat you like a fuck toy by night

Solomon

I don't remember where I saw it.

I don't remember when I saw it.

But I saw someone make fan art of him summoning tentacles.

That's really all I needed tbh

Man's freaky in ways I can't even imagine

Simeon

He's hot. Absolutely.

But I would not fuck him

I will simp to high heavens, but I won't fuck him.

Unless he's into it then idk it could go anywhere tbh

[scorpiosanssexy]

Pick a Card Reading: Who is your Soulmate

If you are a hopeless romantic like myself and you wanna know some traits, what your relationship will be like and even a possible meeting place you are in like with this pick a card reading.

Below are pictures of some Haikyuu Team banners, look at each one and decide which one you feel most drawn too (it could be the messages or just the colours) once you have decided scroll down and read your reading.

The banners are in order from 1 to 5 (left to right). I would suggest only picking 1 or 2 banners in order to get an accurate reading . The waltzes are taken from waltzing in a ballroom by Lia Wang on Spotify.

I hope this resonates and have a wonderful day

Carla

 Itachiyama (Pile 1) 

Personality- what type of person is your soulmate 

8 of Cups- your soulmate is always on the go, their life is anything but stagnate and they constantly always on the lookout for a new adventure (which they will happily let you join them). BIG TRAVELLERS, they wanna see the world with you, take some cute couple selfies all that jazz. Cups represent the element of water so I think this person can be quite deep and introspective and is constantly trying to become the best versions of themselves.  Will 100% go backpacking with you 

The Lovers- this person definitely has an equal split between divine masculine energy and divine feminine energy, being good at logic and emotions. I also got the impression that this person is extremely romantic, like a scene that popped into my head is in the Addams Family where Gomez and Morticia declare their love for another and he (Gomez) kisses her arm, that’s the kind of person they are. The lover’s card shows up in readings when you are asked to be your authentic true self so I feel they are naturally themselves, no persona. Also, they have 100% cried whilst watching the notebook and if they haven’t seen it they will in the future. 

Ace of Pentacles- very opportunistic, if they see something they just go for it (including you wink). I feel like they have been very lucky in regards to wealth in their life, either they were born into a rich family or are just very strategic with their money. They may swap careers often in their life or just love the idea of a challenge however what I can confidently say is they are pretty damm cunning and resourceful, leave the money-making to them because they have a natural knack for manifesting wealth and abundance into the physical world. Some people may describe this person as lucky however that is not the case they just know which opportunities to capitalise on. Work smarter not harder energy, just very savvy 

Astrology Notes - Gemini in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) with some water and earth influences 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them? 

The Devil-  I promise you they are not the devil however they might as well be because of how much they will spoil you. In tarot, the devil is represented by Capricorn (aka the sugar daddy of the zodiac) so of course they have to indulge in their baby girl/boy. I feel like they low key become obsessed with you not in a creepy way but whenever you are not with them they always find themselves thinking of you or dropping your name subtly into conversations. They want to provide for you, make you comfortable, in their ideal world they do not want to make you lift a finger. Also think you are the most attractive thing to walk on this planet like they get flustered at the thought of you, low key a very big simp. Incredibly passionate in and out the bedroom, I feel like in the beginning stages of your relationship they will try and suppress their desire because they are worried they will scare you off. 

If you wanna find out more I suggest reading up on Capricorn Venus because I highly suspect that they might have it in their chart. 

How you meet- pretty self-explanatory 

Page of Swords- out of all the piles I found this pile to be the vaguest in regards to this question. The energy from this card is new ideas, collaborative work and just general communication. You may meet one another simply through a friend of a friend or maybe you are working on some sort of project together. I decided to have a look at the bottom deck to see if I could find any clarifies and drew the Hanged Man, this could maybe be a passion project (not one for work) in which you meet one another whilst embarking on it. The Hanged Man indicates rest so a time in your life where you are taking a break from the world around you, just having fun and socialising with friends. You will meet when you are feeling care free and feel like you no obligations- a spontaneous outing. 

Advice 

: Blue Moon - “Believe in the Impossible”

You never know what can happen, the universe may be giving you a rare opportunity in regards to your soulmate 

Make sure you believe in it, believe that you are deserving of love 

Miss the chance and it might not come back soon 

What happens may happen once 

Believe in your dreams 

The person you are inquiring about is a rare find 

Affirmation: I am lucky 

Your Waltz: Mystery of Love by Hanah Stater 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aoba Josei (Pile 2) 

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate 

The Lovers- this card has come up in ⅗ piles which suggest that many people seeing this reading are destined to have very passionate soulmates. I have always the lovers card to be grandiose and romantic so I feel like this is a primary characteristic to sweep you off your feet. This card is ruled by Gemini so your soulmate is gonna be one smooth mother fucker, mr steal yo girl energy. The lovers is a combination of both divine masculine and divine feminine energy so your soulmate is both very good at being logical whilst tapping into their emotional intelligence. They are naturally themselves and are proud of who they are 

10 of Cups- this card aka the happy ending card, I think your soulmate has an idealistic stand point on the world , the image that came to mind was Sugawara from Haikyuu shouting Negativity begone. I think this person radiates calm energy, I just imagine them to have a very soothing voice. This is the kind of person you could confidently bring home to meet your parents (in which they would automatically love them). Also I feel like family is very important to them, mummy’s boy or daddy’s girl vibe, I can imagine they are also extremely good with kids too and maybe have some career which involves this. Very protective of their loved ones honestly as I am writing this i am literally gushing, this person is the sweetest bean alive. 

3 of Pentacles - all I could think about when I drew this card was how incredibly hard-working your soulmate is. Pentacles is all about the physical world so your soulmate definitely has one hobby they are super passionate about (sports or something creative) which they love to spend time on. This card is an indication of teamwork so your soulmate is a huge team player, making sure that everyone is alright before checking themselves, they naturally bring people together and perhaps others view them as a leader. Also not a procrastinator by any means, they love the feeling of completely goals and ticking off their to-do lists in which they encourage friends and lovers to do the same. 

Astrology bits: Gemini in their big 3 (Sun, Moon or Rising) with some cancer and earth influences 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them? 

Judgement- I promise you that it does not mean they are going to judge you actually I do believe this is the exact opposite. The judgement is a very heavy card in the sense that it represents spiritual awakening and revolution, your soulmate 100% believes you were the missing piece in their life. You have changed their life for the better. I feel that this soul connection is based more on deep emotional understanding rather than physical attraction. Your romance is that 50k word slow burn fic with the friends to lovers, mutual pining and comfort tags. I know that you cannot see it but on this card you see two people looking up towards this beautiful angel and I am can confirm that this angel is you. Your soulmate views as the person that set them free as you offered them new life perspectives. Perhaps your soulmate uses the pet name “angel”. If I could describe this relationship in one word it would be Ethereal. 

This person may have a Scorpio venus or venus-pluto aspects in their chart. 

How do you meet? 

10 of Wands- The image that I first thought of when drawing this card was like cramming for a final week or something and you both meet one another at a library or something however this might not be for all of you. I can tell you however you will be meeting them under a time of great stress, perhaps you accidentally volunteered to do more overtime or you have a presentation due very soon, you are most likely going to be in a state of fatigue (and be very flustered)  when you first meet. Just from their nature, I imagine they will help you carry the wands or in this case the ever drowning work. 10 is the number of completion so you may meet them in a point in your life where you have nearly completed a goal (them being that final push to do it) or it could represent month number 10 like October. 

Advice

Waxing Moon - “the energy is gaining momentum” 

The Situation is full of potential- your soulmate may be near 

You may need to take more action on your part 

Keep moving forwards 

Universe has given the green light so just go for it 

Your dreams can come true 

Affirmation: I know I’ve headed in the right direction 

Your Waltz: Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy 

-----------------

Inarizaki (Pile 3)

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate

6 of Cups- this card in tarot represents nostalgia and familiarity, I feel your soulmate definitely likes their home comforts, perhaps preferring to have quieter dates rather than over the top ones. For some reason I just imagine them being a hoarder of some kind, like any little trinket you get them they will keep it or they might be into scrapbooking. They love to keep their memories close. Again I feel like they are really into history and would love to take you to a museum or perhaps a historical castle, they give me dark academia vibes. I feel like your soulmate had to perhaps grow up too quickly and perhaps through this connection they hope to find their inner child again (which I believe you will definitely bring out in them) 

Queen of Pentacles- not be a simp or anything but your soulmate is one of the most caring and nurturing people ever. A scene that plays in my head is that after a really long day you come home from work or whatever and they are just there cooking you your favourite meals and being like “welcome home sweetheart”. Whilst the Queen is a caring figure we do have to remind ourselves of the Pentacle energy. Your soulmate does prefer the finer things in life, taking you to bougie restaurants or having a mini spa day together. They do like to live a luxurious life and believe you should too, never settle for anything less. Your soulmate is definitely a tidy person and knows how to keep their life nice and orderly and finds joy in organisation, also probably quite a private person. Even though the Queen court card represents feminie divine energy I feel like your soulmate has an even split of both masculine or feminine energy they are good at both logic and emotion. 

Page of Cups- this is one of my favourite cards in the deck, the page of cups represents someone who perhaps sometimes has their head in the clouds and can be a little bit innocent. Your soulmate is naturally very creative and takes inspiration wherever they go, for some reason I pictured them being into to photography but that might not be the case for all of you. Also I believe they may refer to you as their muse, you know the anime duos where there is the light and the shadow, the shadow helping the light shine and getting inspiration for them to keep going (think Akaashi from Haikyuu or Kuroko from Kuroko no Basket), I feel like your soulmate is your shadow helping you cast you light into the world. I feel your soulmate does have a hard time to express their emotions so doing so using a creative medium really helps them. The type to make handmaid gifts for their friends on their birthday. 

Astrology Notes: Taurus in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) with some water influence 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them? 

The Chariot- this is not the most romantic card in the pack however there is one thing I can tell you about your connection your soulmate is devoted, they are the CEO of long term commitment like your relationship gives me the same energy as Carl and Elle from Up, just very pure and filled with love and support. The Chariot represents self-control and focus and a funny scene that popped into my head was your soulmate being kind of prudish at first when it comes to the more physical aspects of your relationship, they get easily embarrassed however I feel like their love language is acts of service. You will 100% be their focus in their life, they do love to spoil you rotten with attention and want to be your protector. They may be a little bossy but they just want to see you thrive, like they may leave little notes to remind you how much you love them. The kind of people to make an itinerary for a date because organising things for you is their love language. Overall, a very sweet relationship based on kinds acts of service, the married couple before being married. 

Your soulmate might have a Cancer Venus or Venus-moon aspects so if you want some further detail you can read up on those 

Where you will meet- pretty self explanatory 

The Hanged Man- Because this is a major arcana card I feel you meeting your soulmate will be quite a significant event in your life. The Hanged Man represents a time for letting go and a time of delay, perhaps you will be meeting your soulmate during a time where you are letting go of the past, this could be getting over an Ex, letting go of negative thoughts or even changing careers. I also got the image of you both meeting when you are volunteering, doing something for the community as this card is ruled by the planet of Neptune. Maybe be relaxing and doing something creative could be potentially when you meet them, ie: dancing, singing. I do know that it is during a time when you are moving on from something or your life has entered a limbo stage, nothing exciting happening. I wanted to see if I could find any clarifiers to this because I thought it was too vague and the bottom deck was the Devil Card, perhaps when you start to let go of limiting beliefs about yourself your soulmate may finally appear or perhaps getting over an addiction of some kind. The devil is ruled by capricorn so perhaps a creative project more for work may be potentially another place. 

Advice

: New Moon in Leo - “Confidence is the Key to Success” 

This is your time to shine so show off your talents

Be proud of yourself, you have come so far 

Spoil and pamper yourself because you have earnt it (just like how your soulmate does) 

It’s your turn in the spotlight do not shy away from it because you deserve the success and recognition 

Make sure you work on your self esteem first before seeking romance 

Make time for fun 

Affirmation- “ I am compassionate towards myself as well as others

Your Waltz: Once upon a December by Emilie Pandolfi 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dateko (Pile 4) 

Personality- what is kind of person is your soulmate 

The Lovers: this card has come out in ⅗ piles today so you may have been drawn to more than one school banner. With the lovers card I can definitely imagine your soulmate to be passionate and romantic and wants to recreate all those cute couple things you see in the movies. They have a flair for the dramatics and can be naturally creative people. They are smooth operators when it comes to flirting so you might have a couple of pickup lines thrown your way (which by the way are actually good) this is because the lovers card is ruled by the zodiac sign of gemini in which are renowned to have silver tongues, teasing might be there love language. For some reason whilst writing this interpretation all I could think about was the character Tamaki Suoh from Ouran High School Host Club so perhaps your soulmate kins him. 

4 of Pentacles: whilst the other 2 piles containing the lovers card are very authentic I feel like this person sometimes uses their flirty persona as a mask, to protect themselves. Your soulmates are very possessive. I can imagine they have only a select few people who they are really close with and hold them near and dear to their heart. However a good thing about the 4 of pentacles is that this is the card that indicates it’s time to save money so as you can probably guess your soulmate is very good at saving money they may even be a money saving expert (martin lewis is that you). You can bet they know where to get the cheapest things from so if you ever need to go bargain hunting they are your person. I can imagine them being really good at DIY as it is a way to save money. I feel like in the past they may have had low self esteem, you may have also been drawn to Shiratorizawa pile because 4 of pentacles feature in this one too. Probably a tsundere 

9 of Pentacles: Your soulmates tagline is confident, independent and self-sufficient. I believe they were 100% the gifted child at school and are naturally very intelligent, and may have a tendency to brag about this too. I feel like this person can maybe be a little high maintenance and perhaps they are perfectionists also. With the number 9 it means not quite completion (seeing as number 10 represents completion), this means your soulmate is always striving to achieve more. Looking at the three personality cards as a whole I think that missing thing in their life is an emotional connection, they are extremely talented in whatever field they work in however they do find it difficult to make friends because they may be slightly above average in lots of areas of life (High IQ or plays a high level of sports). Whilst they may be show offs when in a relationship with you my goodness do they love to brag about all your amazing qualities. Words of affirmation may be their love language

Astrology Notes: Gemini in their big 3 (sun, moon or rising) with some earth influence 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them

The Hierophant- this card may represent the strict teacher figure however for you, you will get to see their much soft side. They honestly want you to have all the success in the world and will be your number one cheerleader. With none of the other piles I never really specified ages and such but for this one I get a clear picture that this person may be a bit older than you, they have more life experiences than yourself. The Hierophant represents tradition so of course your soulmate will court you in the proper manner making sure to always respect your boundaries, a true lady/gentlemen. At the beginning stages of your relationship I feel like your soulmate used to excuse of “study dates” to be able to have a proper chance of getting to know you (as we already have established they can be a bit of tsundere). Your relationship is incredible strong and steady, others may describe it slightly mundane however it is the simple things which make this connection really work (every saturday day nights, cuddling whilst watching netflix and honestly the amount of flowers they buy makes your home look like a garden centre). They want to show you the world and want to be relied upon as it boasts their confidence when they can help you with a task. 

I suspect that they might have a Taurus Venus 

How you meet

The Emperor- This card being here for me makes a lot of sense just by looking at your soulmates personality (over achiever and incredibly witty). It is also a major arcana card so this meeting will have a great impact on your life or it will be a vivid memory. The emperor represents organisation, structure and achieving your goals. I can definitely see the pair of you meeting in a work setting in which you may both have to do collaborative work. You may meet your soulmate in a time in your life where you are trying to organise it and come up with a long term plan, maybe at a point where you have to pick your college major or perhaps a lots of job offers have just come in. They may even give you advice. If you are planning on going to grad school then maybe you may meet them there. What I can tell you is that your meeting will not be a relaxing one as the Emperor is a bit of a workaholic so after your first meeting it may be weeks before you both have a proper time to wind down and relax. I also got the image that perhaps you see them as the emperor figure when you first meet them, like they could be your boss or a co worker who is top of the class sort of thing. 

Advice 

: New Moon in Virgo- “A time to give rather than take” 

Gradual Improvements are coming in regards to your soulmate 

Be of service to others and abundance will follow 

Your soulmate is very reliable so try not stress too much 

Make sure to stay organised, eat and drink plenty and have a proper sleep schedule 

Pay attention to detail

Affirmation: “I am capable, hard-working and ready to complete my goals” 

Your Waltz: The Great Fairy Fountain by the Video Game Music Box

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shiratorizawa (Pile 5) 

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate

King of Pentacles- Ambitious, protective and calculated, these are all words to describe the King of Pentacles and in turn your soulmate. Your soulmate is somebody who is extremely driven and has lots of success in their life however this didn’t come from blind luck. They are a very responsible figure and are definitely involved in some leadership role most likely to do with their career. The king is a generous provider so I’d imagine your soulmate has an abundance in wealth, sugar daddy/mummy vibes, gift giving may be their love language because I do feel like they have a serious and aloof disposition. Do not be alarmed by this, they are very caring people however they do an “image” to maintain but if you are close with them you may see them in a more real light. Whilst I was typing this description all I could think about was Kyoya Ootori from Ouran High School Host club so perhaps your soulmate kins him in some shape of form. 

5 of Cups- This isn’t exactly the happiest card in the deck but one that means disappointment and having trouble letting go. I feel like your soulmate in the past has been disappointed by people, perhaps they have left them or betrayed their trust, looking at both of these cards I feel like it might have been because they found it hard in their childhood to form emotional connections. This is not to say they cannot do this I believe it just takes time with this person, however you know what they say- slow burns are the best. A message popped into my head when thinking about this aspect of them, I believe they have a hidden creative talent in which they learn to express their emotions through that, the piano was a striking image but it could be art or any other form too. I feel likethey are perfectionists but only because they believe you only deserve the best from them, very touch starved like please give them a cuddle it will make them melt. I feel like over time and as they have grown up they have a realistic kind of approach to the world. Whilst writing this I felt incredible sad for this person, my heart goes out to them

 4 of Pentacles- aka the tsundere card, this card makes sense in this in the personality part. This person is incredible protective and loyal to their loved ones as I believe it is hard to get to know them at first but once you do you have one very loyal “bodyguard”. These people are very money savvy and for some reason I can picture them having a career in finance or economics. Can perhaps be a bit frugal with themselves and don’t like to treat themselves often but love to pamper others. This person likes to be in control in all aspects of life and has a very commanding aura about them (which I think is incredibly hot), I believe it brings them a sense of comfort. Lastly whilst they may find it hard at first to be more open more emotionally they are the most helpful souls on the planet when it comes to career, education or even just general organisation, I believe it gives them great joy to help others out in this area as not only does it boast their self-esteem but they love seeing the smiles on other peoples faces. 

Astrology Notes: Capricorn in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) and may lack water placements in their chart

Relationship- what is your relationship like? 

They may have Aquarius Venus or Venus-uranus aspects so check those out for more info 

The Fool- the minute I drew this card I literally squealed and had to take laps because this card compared to the personality spread were just so opposite. To but it briefly you make them act like a bit of a fool (not in a bad way), like they are very blushy towards you and at the beginning stages they would get so flustered if you held their hand it is simply adorable. Looking into this card, the fool represents new beginnings, adventure and idealism. You bring new hope into their life, you know those soulmate AUs where everything is black and white until you meet your soulmate and the world turns to colour. I feel like emotionally that is what happened to them forming a union with you. You bring the fun and zest into their life, offering them a chance to relax instead of doing work all the time which they are forever grateful for, you definitely make them feel young again. Not to be sappy but I do believe you have turned their life around, the fool represents new beginnings so your connection will be a massive turning point in this person’s life. Of course, the fool represents fun too so this relationship will be filled with adventures and lots of funny memories, I feel like the pair of your friendship groups will get on really well and that you too will love to tease one another or even give the other a playful kiss. I just sense an incredibly low maintenance light hearted energy and I believe that is a great way to sum up this connection. You free them. 

How will you meet

The Tower- looking at this card with the fool card they both make a lot of sense seeing as once rules Aquarius and the other rules Uranus. Whilst the Tower does represent chaos I believe it doesn’t mean bad chaos in regards to your meeting. The tower is very random bringing in live events which change your life, I believe you will meet your soulmate in the place you least expect it the most, like the most random location you could possible think of, a couple that came to my head was the Supermarket, in a Bank or at bagage reclaims (these were just some random locations that pooped into my head when writing this). However this card can also be an indicator of you meeting this soulmate at a time in your life where you are having a massive change, like you could move abroad to a random country, start a completely new career or just when you do something that is a little crazy. Perhaps you are going through something that is chaotic and your soulmate helps you sort it out. With the tower card the possibilities are endless but what I can tell you is that you will very shocked (in a good way) and it will be a meeting you will never forget

Advice

: Mutable Moon - “Nothing is set in stone” 

Staying adaptable is the key to success 

Make sure you have not become too distracted in your day to day life, stay focused 

Stay with it ( don’t lose hope) 

Don’t let others lead you estray, your intuition is high listen to that gut feeling 

The situation is far from being finalized you have the power 

Affirmation: “ I know the best will unfold for me” 

Your Waltz: Merry-go-Round of life by Nuvo Orchestra 

[moonlit-mizukage]

Summary: Popular punk band, Skull crusher, had to find a new drummer due to the sudden disappearance of the last one. As band manager and lead singer, Semi Eita's girlfriend, Y/l/n Y/n brings Kyotani, a rising internet drummer they found online into the picture. Everything was great at first, then Kuroo, the lead guitarist, started getting creepy messages and presents. Y/n is determined to find out who is trying to sabotage the band when things only take a turn for the absolute worst. Who could be the mysterious stalker really be? Is it their new band mate? Or could it be a close friend of one of the members? 

Main Pairings: F!reader x Semi Eita, Kuroo x His Stalker ??? 

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, some BxB, blood, stalker, yandere themes, unhealthy obsession, dead animals,  graphic violence, drinking alcohol, smoking, breaking and entering, property destruction, aggressive behaviours, sexual jokes, implied sex, murder, body horror, cannibalism????? Kinda??? Gosh this is just a ride of physical violence please 😭 (I may add more as time goes on) 

RATED 18+ CAUSE THIS WILL BE VIOLENT AND HAVE ADULT THEMES

Disclaimer: I do not own any Haikyuu characters. I also do not own the name of the band either. This is not a romance smau between the mains as the reader is already in a relationship with Semi. She becomes a detective basically to try and find who is causing such a commotion. This is also an AU, so most do not play volleyball except one or two background characters. Everyone is in their 20’s in this piece! 🖤 

Art disclaimer: I do not own any art in this fic. Shout out too @jellyfishsart for letting me use their amazing drawing of Kyotani for this smau!

Genre: Horror with a slice of romance 

Format: Smau and written (Mostly written!!) 

Updates: COMPLETE!!!

Taglist: Closed!

Introductions | Skull Crushers | Y/n’s Babies

Chapter one: It’s rock band time fuckers

Chapter two: Kiyoko blocked me :(

Chapter three -  THAT MOTHER FUCKER TRIED TO GRAB US!

Chapter four: The letter smells like Yukie

Chapter five: A cat fight in the bathroom you say?

Chapter six:  Hello Mrs. y/l/n, do you have a second to speak with us?

Chapter seven: Are we all on the list?

Chapter eight: Perfect

Chapter nine: A Present

Chapter Ten: No I’m calling the fucking cops

Chapter eleven: I’m sorry for your ears

Chapter Twelve: I just want to talk to him

Chapter thirteen: I deleted twitter too

Chapter Fourteen:  No, I have never seen these before.

Chapter fifteen:  LETS DO ITTTTTT

Chapter sixteen: Yachi please explain.

Chapter Seventeen: No I blocked him

Chapter eighteen: Home Visit

Chapter nineteen: I’d go crazy without you

Chapter twenty: You’re both sick!!

Chapter twenty one: I’m sorry I tripped

Chapter Twenty Two: I did this for us

Chapter Twenty three: Stop moving Asshole

Chapter Twenty four: I knew it was you

Chapter twenty five: Keiji?

Chapter twenty six: What the hell is going on?

Chapter Twenty seven:  What are you saying Eita?

Chapter Twenty eight: I’ll follow you until you love me

Chapter twenty nine: Please don’t look at me

Chapter thirty: Tetsuro...

Epilogue: Five years later

Taglist: @satan-ruler-of-hells @elianetsantana @elephantloser @putmeinyourdeathnote @levithansbabygirl @megumitodoroki @idontknow-whatto-callthis @jellyfishsart @freakydeaky226 @atria-avior @doodletingz​ @kac-chowsballs @twistedvalkyrie @ranu-chan @why-couldnt-it-be @thisnoodlewritesao3 @lady-tokugawa-of-mikawa @trashy-simp @inumakis-salmonroll @nyxeaa​ @random-fandom-girl-24 @faewraithsworld @je-suis-argent-miel​ 

[theultimatefanficwriter]

Pride Month Headcanons!

So its Pride Month! And as a proud member of the alphabet mafia I wanna give my opinion on all the Danganronpa characters' sexualities! So let's go, starting with THH!

Trigger Happy Havoc

Makoto Naegi- Pansexual. I'm under the belief all protags are Pan. Transgender(ftm). So I have this whole hc that the reason his door was jammed was that the lock was quickly removed when they found out SHE was actually a HE and I just like the hc lol.

Sayaka Maizono- Straight. I just think she has a big thing for Makoto, but other than that she cares for her career more than a relationship.

Leon Kuwata- Bisexual, heavy female leaning. I ship him with Hiro, but honestly this fucker would probably take forever to admit he likes guys.

Chihiro Fukisaki- Gay. Dont really have a reasoning. Just my opinion lol

Mondo Oowada- Bisexual. He mentions trying to confess to girls, but come on. This guy is fruity for Taka.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru- Gay. This dude meanwhile is just straight homo. He's probably closeted in fear it would bring shame to his family name again.

Hifumi Yamada- Straight. I honestly dont think about the guy enough to give this enough thought, but the way he simps over Celeste proves he likes girls at least. Plus he kept calling Alter Ego she, so...yeah.

Celestia Ludenberg- Straight. Honestly I think she'd be homophobic? Idk i really dislike Celeste, sorry 😅 She just gives me those vibes.

Sakura Oogami- Bisexual. I wanna label her as lesbian, but Kenshiro exists 😒 Women leaning possibly

Kyoko Kirigiri- Bisexual. Though i dont personally ship her with any girls, I can see her going both ways.

Byakuya Togami- Gay. And it's a problem with his family, so he's closeted.

Yasuhiro Hagakure- Pansexual. He just wants to love someone, man lmao.

Aoi Asahina- Bisexual. Again, wanna label her as lesbian, but the Bad End exists, showing she willingly got with three guys. And she does ask Makoto to pretend to be her bf. But she leans heavily towards females imo.

Toko Fukawa/Genocide Jill- Bisexual. It was straight until she met Komaru. Then she realized "Oh shit. I'm gay." But she still has a small thing for Byakuya ig 😒

Mukuro Ikusaba- Straight. We pretend the thing with her sister doesnt exist, alright?

Junko Enoshima- Straight. And definitely homophobic.

Wow a lot of bi peeps lol. Alright, onto the next game!

Goodbye Despair

Hajime Hinata- Pansexual. Again all protags are Pan. Fight me, prove me wrong you literally cant.

Ultimate Imposter- Panromantic, Nonbinary, Asexual. Though I call Imposter he a lot, I think it's almost canon they're nonbinary. I just have stupid brain and type he first without thinking. I also dont really have a reason for thinking they're asexual? I just think they are. But they're probably panromantic in order to fit their talent better.

Teruteru Hanamura- Pansexual. He's so painfully pan. He even says his options are, and I quote, "pretty open." Dis bitch gay.

Mahiru Koizumi- Lesbian. Dont think I gotta explain myself.

Peko Pekoyama- Bisexual. She's totally dating Fuyuhiko, but I can see her having small crushes on other girls.

Hiyoko Saionji- Lesbian. Also dont think I need to explain myself.

Ibuki Mioda- Bisexual. RAGING bisexual. Also I can honestly see her being Gender Fluid as well.

Mikan Tsumiki- Bisexual. She honestly needs therapy more than she needs a relationship, and she probably doesnt really understand her own labels completely, but I think shes bi.

Nekomaru Nidai- Bisexual. Homeboy was a little TOO eager to be rubbed down by Teruteru 😏 Just kidding, though I do think Nekomaru is bi. No real reason honestly

Gundham Tanaka- Bisexual. He obviously has a thing for Sonia, and in a perfect world(i.e. my perfect world) he would be holding hands with Kazuichi daily. Speaking of holding hands he basically breaks Hajime's in the FTEs. Gay 🥰

Nagito Komaeda- Gay. He's very obviously gay coded, mostly towards Hajime though I dont personally ship that.

Chiaki Nanami- Pansexual. She loves everyone equally. Honestly she probably doesnt put too much work on her labels and would probably go by any pronouns as well, so maybe Gender Fluid?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu- Bisexual. Like Leon I think it would take him a while to accept he likes guys, and he probably leans towards girls more, but he's definitely fruity lol.

Sonia Nevermind- Pansexual. Our girl fucks. She dont care who, she just FUCKS. 🤣 But seriously, I think she just sees love as love. As she should.

Kazuichi Souda- Gay. Transgender, (ftm). He's so very closeted, so badly even he doesnt recognize it. He probably even has internalized homophobia, probably because of his father. Not sure why I hc him as trans, I just think it fits.

Akane Owari- Straight. She probably doesnt think about it much. All she knows is she likes fighting, meat, and Coach Nekomaru.

Alright and onto the last game!

Killing Harmony

Shuichi Saihara- Pansexual, Transgender(ftm). Its. THE RULE. I didnt make it. Sue me. Also fuck it I dunno I think it fits with his whole character if he were trans. Hard to explain lol

Rantaro Amami- Biromantic, Asexual. I admittedly dont know much about Rantaro, but from what I do know, I think he would fit well with just about anyone. I dont have much of a reason for him being Ace.

Kaede Akamatsu- Pansexual. She was the protagonist first, so the rule still applies lol. But even beyond that it just fits her. Hard to explain, it just seems like it works.

Ryoma Hoshi- Straight, Asexual. I know on my ship list I said I shipped him with Gonta, but theres a reason that ship was so low. I heavily think Ryoma is straight. It's just the vibe I get from him. Maybe hes bi curious, but idk. As for the ace bit, it's really dark. I hc it's because of the trauma he endured during prison.

Kirumi Tojo- Lesbian. Idk I look at her and I think "Lesbian power. Powerful wlw moments." Dont ask me my brain just does things.

Angie Yonaga- Pansexual. She always seemed like she was flirting with Himiko and lowkey Tenko, and in the FTEs she straight up wants to get married to Shuichi so like....I dunno what you want me to say.

Tenko Chabashira- Lesbian. Literally no explanation needed.

Korekiyo Shinguji- Pansexual. Putting aside the....obvious....he finds all of humanity beautiful, so he most likely doesnt have a preference when it comes to choosing a partner. Just like with Mukuro we pretend that entire plotline never happened.

Miu Iruma- Pansexual. I see her as pretty open to everyone....Yeah. That's all I got.

Gonta Gokuharu- Bi-curious. Honestly I dont think Gonta knows what he is himself. He probably hasnt given it too much thought, if hes given it any. The best I can think of is bi-curious, assuming hes currently exploring his sexuality.

Kokichi Ouma- Gay. I dont ship him with anyone cause I personally think he'd be a bad partner to anyone he got with based off of his personality, but yeah. He gay lmao.

Kaito Momota- Pansexual. THE LUMINARY OF THE STARS IS FOR EVERYBODY! Probably took a while for him to admit he wasnt straight, but then he admitted it with his whole heart, precious thing.

Tsumugi Shirogane- Straight. Fuck I dunno I dont think about her in a positive light enough to care. Sorry I really tried 😅

Kiibo- Panromantic, Genderfluid, Asexual. Like Imposter, I've called Kiibo he all the time, including every story I put them in, but technically they have no gender. So that does make them nonbinary, but at the same time it leaves the opportunity for them to go by any pronoun they want, so I hc they go by all of them lol. I also think they just love everyone, and for the ace bit, unfortunately, robots probably dont have dicks 😔 Even if they did, I dont think he would be very interested in sex.

Himiko Yumeno- Lesbian. Despite her treatment of Tenko, her reaction at the end of chapter 3 shows she cared for her, and Angie. She probably loved them both, so, lesbian for sure.

Maki Harukawa- Straight. Kaito was probably her first ever crush, so I doubt she ever had a chance to feel out if she was anything other than straight. Even disregarding that, I dont think she'd be anything else.

Alright and those are my headcanons for all the Danganronpa characters! As a bonus, I think Komaru Naegi is a Lesbian! No real reason other than Tokomaru is top tier lol.

Now remember these are my opinions! If you dont agree that's fine! Just be kind!

And HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE! 🥰🏳️‍🌈

[vizowrites]

My BlitzStrike Twins: Headcanons and Shenanigans~ [probably with a bit of my M&M kids thrown in just for fun]

So today I got a couple of fantastic asks about Blitz and Striker as parents, and since there seemed to be a pretty positive response to them--and because @helluva-simp​ is amazing and encouraged me to be brave enough to write this up--I thought I’d go ahead and make a full post of my headcanons for these two little devils.  I really do love the hell out of them and hope you guys enjoy hearing about them too!!  <3 <3

Twist’s and Ty’s full names are Twister and Typhoon but literally nobody calls them by their full names ever so they like to make the joke of “the ‘-er’ and the ‘-phoon’ are silent”

Ty is actually the older of the two [though not by much] but everyone thinks that Twist is because his name is always called first.  It’s always “Twist and Ty” [or just collectively “Twist-Ty”] instead of “Ty and Twist”.  Ty honestly doesn’t mind that much as far as following after his brother goes, just don’t make the mistake of trying to label him as the younger of the two.  There are a lot of things Ty’s perfectly content to let Twist take the lead in, but having the title of “the older twin” is just going too far.

Twist and Ty are mirror twins, meaning that they’re mostly identical except for a few key things: 1. Twist is left handed and Ty is right handed, 2. they both have heterochromia but Twist’s eyes are Left: Red | Right: Green-Gold whereas Ty’s eyes are Left: Green-Gold | Right: Red, 3. Twist has a birthmark on his right hand and Ty has his birthmark on his left hand--and yes when you put the two marks together, they form a design not unlike the heart shaped one on Blitz’s forehead :) 

Both of the twins are incredibly agile, but Twist is faster and Ty is more flexible

Striker affectionately calls Twist “Whirlwind” because of said fastness

Blitz affectionately calls Ty “Noodle” because of said flexibility

.....Though it should be noted that it’s not all fun and games because Twist is CONSTANTLY crashing into things or tripping over his own two feet from going too fast, and Ty is so flexible that he’s able to contort himself into positions that honestly make both of his parents throw up a little in their mouths with the split-second panic of “OH GOD OUR BABY WAS BORN WITHOUT BONES!!”  DX DX  They’re both usually just fine tho!!  :D

As noted in an earlier post--but I want to say it here too--Twist’s first word was “Bang!” and Ty’s first word was “Fuck!”  Twist was the first one to talk, though, and it made Striker and Blitz second guess the context of his first word by the time Ty said his. XD

Another thing that was noted in another post but I want to put it here too is that Twist and Ty have incredibly high self esteem and both Striker and Blitz wouldn’t have it any other way

Twist is dyslexic and so gets easily frustrated when he has to read a book, but he love love LOVES the hell out of stories.....and so Ty is almost constantly making up random stories to tell him

This actually also works out well in Ty’s favor because Ty’s attention span is about as short as Blitz’s patience and he has a lot more fun telling stories than he does sitting still long enough to read the ones that other people made up unless it’s a book about something he’s reeeeeeally interested in

It’s also made Ty hella good at bullshitting on the fly, which I think most of the older/adult members of his family wish he was a lot less convincing at

Twist knows how to lie and is a natural at acting, but his flair for the over-dramatics tends to give him a way a lot easier than his twin

They both have what I’m calling a “hierarchy of obedience” within their family which really translates into a range of “eh I can think about maybe listening to this person sometimes” to “oh SHIT I need to listen to this person 5 fucking minutes ago”.  For Twist, his hierarchy of obedience is: Millie --> Blitz --> Striker --> Loona --> Moxxie.  For Ty, his hierarchy of obedience is: Loona --> Millie --> Blitz --> Striker.....and Moxxie doesn’t even make the list for him because honestly I’m pretty sure Ty just naturally tunes him out most of the time and not even fully on purpose.  As he puts it: “You just have one of those voices”. XD

Ty can sleep literally anywhere and on anything.  I’m pretty sure there have been mornings where Blitz and Striker have to play the game of 'Where the hell is my kid??' because they THOUGHT that he went to sleep in his bed like their other child did but NOPE they go into their room in the morning to get them out of bed and are just like, “.....Twist where the hell is your brother??” and Twist just gives an innocent shrug and says, “I don’t know--probably on the roof or something.” u3u and goes out into the kitchen to make himself breakfast--and then two seconds later Blitz and Striker hear him calling out “NEVER MIND!  HE’S IN THE OVEN!!” and that starts off a whole new kind of panic because they know damn well that Twist’s favorite thing to have for breakfast is cinnamon rolls XD

Twist’s laughter is infectious--this really cute witch-like cackling that just bubbles out of him in the most adorably genuine way when he’s that delighted about someting

Ty does this adorable thing where--when he sticks his tongue out at someone--he flicks it in a very snake-like fashion and even gives the tiniest of hisses in lieu of a raspberry when he does it

Ty also manages to twist himself into the most uncomfortable-looking positions when he sleeps but rest assured, he’s never been more comfy

Twist’s tail never stays still.  It is constaintly flicking to and fro, back and forth, swishing and swirling like a cat’s tail, and he loves flicking it in front of people’s faces to get their attention

Twist in general doesn’t really stay still very often but the one time he did was when Ty broke his arm--and then he spent almost every moment of the day and night plastered to his side because he knew it was driving Ty crazy not being as mobile as he usually is while having to wear a cast

The twins really don’t ever go that far apart from each other.  If you look and only see the one, you can rest assured that the other one is around somewhere nearby and it’s probably not a good sign for you if you can only see the one.

Ty is much more of a biter when it comes to self-defense and Twist always goes straight to using his claws

Twist is the outwardly more protective twin and is vicious with his words when defending his brother.  He will force every last ounce of moisture out of your body from how hard he makes you cry.

Ty, on the other hand, will fuck you up hard physically if you try to hurt his twin--and Lucifer himself would not be able to save you if you actually do hurt his twin

As they get older, and their sexualities and gender develop and grow, Twist would discover that he’s a nonbinary he/they homosexual panromantic and Ty would discover that he’s a genderfluid he/she pansexual homoromantic

The above being said, both Twist and Ty wholeheartedly say “fuck you and your gender norms” from a very young age and well into their teenage and adult years, with Twist enjoying painting his nails and Ty carrying all of his stuff around in a purse--and they both have a preference for wearing high heeled shoes [Ty because he just likes being tall in general and Twist because he likes being specifically taller than his parents because it drives them crazy XD]

Twist and Ty’s best friend is “Missi” [Moxxie and Millie’s eldest daughter, Missile] and she’s honestly an absolute hero for putting up with as many of their shenanigans as she does

Whenever they go out on family outings, Twist is that kid who just NEVER wants to leave--and so Blitz usually, after spending ten minutes of trying to get him in the damn van and Striker even using his Dad Tone (TM) and that not working, will just be like, “Alright kiddo, I tried playing nice.  You asked for this.”  And he puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles with a, “Loona Sweetie?  Fetch.” >3 And Loona gets the BIGGEST grin on her face and Twist gets the biggest “oh shit I’m so fucking screwed” look on his face and Ty--who’s honestly probably very awkwardly coiled up in Striker’s arms because after a long day of family fun he’s tired af and decided that he doesn’t want to use his limbs anymore--just kind of looks over at his twin and says, “I believe in you, but also maybe try to run faster than last time” u3u

I think that they would both love their Auntie Barbie a lot and she would have soooooooo much fun teaching them different circus tricks--especially how to yeet each other back and forth on the trapeze XD

I also think that their Auntie Barbie would really love just how close they are.....and probably inspire her to make up for lost time in her relationship with her own twin too

For some reason I can’t shake the thought of the twins being great at acapella and I have no idea why but I’m also ttly here for it XD

In school, I feel like Twist’s favorite class would be Art [he loves to paint and happily makes all kinds of messes with his “expressing creativity”] and Ty’s favorite class would be P.E./Gym [because he loves testing the limits of his physical body]

Family game nights are always fun in their household because usually what happens is Twist and Ty team up against Blitz and Striker, and while they’re in the middle of duking it out, Loona ends up getting a monopoly on every street and is just like, “Pay up fuckers.” u3u

Moxxie and Millie both love and hate babysitting for the twins because on the one hand, they love them to pieces and love seeing how well they get along with their three kids, but on the other hand.....the twins keep finding Millie’s strap on and putting it on their middle child [Mark]’s head and calling him a “cockicorn” XD

Ty’s favorite food is ramen noodles and Twist spent three weeks [and probably set their kitchen on fire at least twice] learning how to make them with JUST the right flavor profile that he knows his brother likes the best

While I think both of the twins know that they can talk to their dads about anything, I think that they still keep their most personal thoughts reserved only to themselves and each other

Twist’s favorite type of weaponry tends to be more of the flashy ‘sharp and pointy’ kind whereas Ty’s favorite type of weaponry tends to be more of the aggressive ‘point and shoot’ kind.  However I honestly kind of think that in terms of what they’d use themselves in the field, Twist’s primary weapon of choice would be a whip [though he would definitely have some throwing knives and handheld revolvers in his back pocket too] and Ty’s primary weapon of choice is honestly poisons.  Assume that everything this kid has that he throws at you--be it a knife or a bullet or even a fucking cannonball--is poisoned somehow.

They both definitely play wrestle like Blitz and Barbie did as kids.....and just like Blitz and Barbie, they also get their horns tangled together more than once and need to have someone come rescue them.  There’s almost always a photo taken that gets posted to Voxtigram first tho. XD  

There are plenty more headcanons where this came from but I feel like this is already waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too fucking long so I’m going to go ahead and stop here for tonight!!  If you guys are interested in hearing more about these two, please please please feel free to let me know and I’d be happy to write up a Part 2 to this, or just overall write up a quick little oneshot with them in it, or if you want to send me specific questions about them that I can answer, feel free to do so!!  Thanks so much again and I hope you guys have as much fun reading these as I did writing them up!! <3 <3

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 11 “VoiceFarting” [Episode List] Tim and Adam are hanging out on... Liscord, playing some stuff together, waiting for Dave to join them for a game. When Adam unexpectedly has to leave however, Dave decides to do some… microphone testing.

VoiceFarting

“I’m going in as a mage ‘cause you fuckers can’t cast for shit” I heard Adam say right into my ears.

This was one of our usual game nights. We’d voice chat on Liscord on our own server and all that stuff. Adam was being, for the lack of a better term, kind of bitchy, ‘cause he thinks as himself as the most skilled gamer around even though we’re always reviving his ass. In the end it’s all in good fun of course, but we’d all happily mute him during a match if we could.

“Yes, Adam. Have fun with the ‘easy mode’ character.” I said, deliberately baiting him.

“Listen here you little shit” he immediately blurted “I can accept that you’re gay but I’m not going to accept the fact that you’re a scrub.” he said, obviously joking, though he did take skills seriously during a match.

“Yeah yeah but I’m the one using the axe, fighting enemies face-to-face like a man.” I kept teasing him. “How’s going up there? Still casting light arrows from your safe space?” I cackled.

“Excuse me???” his icon lighting up, the audio clipping “Why don’t we check your stats instead? Too afraid of looking like the scrub you are??? I literally made no mistakes last time.”

“Of course you didn’t: the chance of making mistakes is like 0% when you stand still and far from the battle.”

There was a moment of silence, then I heard Adam’s breath into the mic “You know I know where you live, right?”

I laughed but before I could continue this very deep and mature battle of wits, we both heard the sound notifying us that our bud Dave joined the voice chat. Now, whenever Dave joins, we usually hear every sound except for his voice, so we were ready to have our ears busted because of the noi-

“Hey noobs!” Dave greeted us, with a voice that was instead crystal clear.

“What the hell” both me and Adam said, our avatars lighting up at the same time.

“I see you noticed that you can now hear my beautiful voice perfectly.” he bragged, and rightfully so.

Normally we could hear his PC’s fans, what was going on down the street, cars passing by, atoms crashing into each others… farts. But now it was just Dave with his now-soothing voice calling us names.

“Are you finished?” Adam said.

But there was no response from Dave.

“Did he finally die?” Adam continued.

I heard a faint sigh of relief from Dave and then he went “Yeah, now I’m finished.”

I kind of suspected what happened but I didn’t say a word.

“Wait. You didn’t hear a thing?” Dave asked, puzzled.

Both me and Adam shrugged as if he could see us, but then said that no, we didn’t.

My detective skills told me that my gassy straight bud ripped one of his classic loud farts, but the new microphone had that “background noise reduction” feature (which my friend seriously needed) so it didn’t register his ass-blast as the old one usually did, so much so that Dave’s frequent farts would eventually turn into white noise for the rest of us. But now, his new headset was actually worth the price and all we could hear was indeed his voice.

“Can we just get into the game befo-“ Adam blurted, but was cut off mid-sentence by a loud, ear-piercing sound coming from Dave, though that wasn’t him speaking or screaming.

My fartbro really didn’t want us to miss what his ass is capable of, so we were both startled by a powerful, audio-clipping fart that completely overwhelmed our voice begging him to stop. And he did stop, but only after like 12 seconds. The rip was followed by the sound of Dave re-adjusting his microphone and laughing. “Hopefully you heard that now.” he chuckled.

I did hear it. I was very familiar with it. Truth is that Dave farting during our game sessions wasn’t anything new however. Even I was used to it, though that did pitch a tent in my shorts. I started wondering whether Dave was in jeans, shorts or boxers. Probably the latter, and shirtless, given that it was a warm evening. I tried to not to let my usual simp-ness over my bro take over me but apparently it was already too late, as I didn’t even notice Adam begin pissed off about an unwanted phone call.

“I’m sorry guys, I gotta take this one.” he said, annoyed. “Do not wait for me. Cya tomorrow I guess.”

And logged off, another sound notifying us that he went into the terrible real world realm.

“Alone at last, bro.” Dave said, in a flirty tone, just as Adam left.

I laughed and mindlessly switched to a different, this time single-player game as we needed at least 3 guys to play, one of those brutal action games that I suck at but I have to beat.

Dave did the same, with a similar game, and we both started gaming on our own but keeping each other company, like we usually do, occasionally exchanging opinions on what we were playing and so on.

“It’s probably his ex-girlfriend” Dave said.

“Yeah. I figured.” I simply answered.

Adam wasn’t really talkative about his personal stuff like me or even Dave, so neither us really knew what was going on. But if our bud didn’t want us to know, not fully know at least, then we respect this decision.

After a couple of more minutes of silence, I heard some sounds coming from Dave. Not a fart, this time though.

“Did you say something?” I asked.

I heard some muffled noises and then Dave’s voice, lower than usual though “I’m just messing with the settings here. I feel like sometimes the volume gets messed up.” and he was right.

“Yeah the audio is kind of low now.” I warned him.

I heard some more noises (keyboard tapping, mouse clicking, etc.) and then I heard him speak again.

Or, to be more precise, he did make a sound with his mouth, though those weren’t words; a loud belch, actually, right into my ears. Dave was more of a farter, but he wasn’t new to wild, incredible burps. I honestly prefer the more disgusting butt explosion, but I still tip my hat at my bro being a masterful air-bender from both ends.

“Yes, I did hear that.” I said, anticipating his question.

He laughed. “Thank you.” he answered, belching both word with care.

A couples of minutes of silence followed, with just me and Dave occasionally chatting but overall trying to be focused on our respective games. My straight bro was however not done with the “testing”.

“Are you hearing this bro?” he suddenly asked, trying not to laugh.

“No…?” I was puzzled.

“Wait. Let me just…”

I heard Dave removing his headset and as it got farther away from his head, a familiar sound got louder and louder instead, until it became unbearable.

“Are you hearing this now?” he shouted, though I could heard him over that sound.

The sound of yet another loud blast of gas, so loud it was glitching the audio. It was long and proud, dry as some of his best rips, and it just wouldn’t stop. The boss I was fighting somehow felt how distracted I was and one-shotted me with a swipe of his flaming sword but I couldn’t even hear any in-game sound ‘cause my straight gassy bro was basically farting right into my ears, albeit indirectly.

I instinctively reached for the pitched tent between my legs as the fart kept going strong and loud, so loud in fact that I had to lower the volume ‘cause my hears were starting to hurt.

After a grand total of 18 seconds, I once again heard Dave putting his headphones back on his head, wondering whether they were radioactive or melting at this point, due to all that poisonous gas.

“I gotta say… the sound quality is pretty spot-on. What headset are you using?” I joked.

Dave chuckled. “The same as yours actually. Thanks for the advice.”

We kept chatting a bit more as if he wasn’t a gassy teasing bastard but since he *is* a gassy teasing bastard I once again heard him, with no warning nor request from me, removing his headphones again and putting them (I assume) closer to the source of his underwear-clad ass.

Unsurprisingly, yet another manly, loud rip blasted through my own headphones right into my eardrums, renewing the hard-on I had only moments before. It sounded like a motorcycle passing by and I could only imagine how badly the stench was in Dave’s room. Lasting around 11 seconds, this time it got dangerously wet-ish towards the end, which I found hilarious but also made me rightfully worried about my bro maybe going a bit too far even for both of our standards.

“Dude.” I said, laughing a bit “You might want to go easy. That sounded risky.”

Dave, being the chill guy he is, just laughed about it. “Don’t worry, dude. I’m an expert.” and he ripped a short toot that was so loud I could even hear it without the microphone going straight into his butt this time.

We then kept gaming a bit more on our own. Dying over and over to that same boss made me think about how chill Dave was being -as usual- about my kink. I mean don’t get me wrong he always farted a lot while voice chatting but this time it was different, as he was now aware of my fetish. And, as always, I really appreciated that, just as I appreciated yet another thunderous blast, one that actually startled me, making me lose YET AGAIN.

“FUCK!” I blurted.

As the fart kept going, Dave moved the microphone closer to his face (but I still could hear the fart going) just to laugh at my gaming skills, completely aware however that his farts were a huge distraction on its own. He then planted the microphone once again in front of his butt and the blast went loud and proud.

“It’s just too easy.” he then chuckled, after finishing ripping that monstrous fart.

It was. I had to pause the game for a couple of minutes to calm down, the tent between my legs going harder and harder. Was Dave aware of this part as well? Of course he was, but he didn’t care. It was just a game for him, and he was constantly proving me how much of a pro gamer he was.

I hope he never gets nerfed.

End of Episode 11

[nyx-aira]

Magical Bitching

Summary: When a new magical threat arrives in NYC Dr.Strange and Wanda need some magical help but Loki and Agatha in one place can only mean one thing, chaos and the start of a beautiful friendship

A/N: You can't imagine how much fun I had while writing this :)

Tag list: @escapetodreamworld @midnight-lestrange @king-star @ynscrazylife @booklovinbi @mysticfalls01 @adorkwithaplan @nathaslosttheirshit @agathaharkness-simp @paulawand

To say that Strange was busy was an understatement. He was currently fighting and evil interdimensional being that somehow  had managed to get to New York, interrupting his Sherlock Holmes marathon.

The thing could be described as a big glibbery blob that could fly through the air and spit fire, to say he imagined his afternoon a little bit different wasn't really a surprise. He wasn't alone thankfully, Wanda fighting alongside him. The young witch had recently moved into the Sanctum, training her powers under his and Wong's guidance. Even though they were both pretty strong the blob was becoming more and more of a challenge, splitting into mini blobs if you hit it with the same spell twice. It was very annoying. So he did something he swore he would only do if there was no other option. He called for Loki.

After their, let's call it a disagreement, they had sorted out some kind of truce, deciding the fabric of the universe was more important than their personal differences.

He and Wanda were just fighting a horde of mini blobs when they started turning purple, crumbling to the ground and fading into nothing. They turned around to see Agatha fling another dozen of the annoying blobs against a building, crushing them against the wall.

He looked at Wanda who was staring at the other witch in disbelief, shock the prominent emotion on her face, annoyance not far behind.

"Did you call her?"

The young witch asked, Sokovian accent present. Something he had noticed that happened when she was emotional or annoyed.

He was about to answer when they saw green sparks dancing around another small army of the annoying creatures, capturing them in a magic barrier and crushing until there was only interdimensional alien goo left.

"No I called him."

Strange answered with a sigh, pointing to a building to their far right where Loki just teleported, throwing a couple magical daggers at the slime monsters.

Wanda dropped her head into her hands, staring at him in disbelief.

"Great now we not only have to fight that stupid blob thing but also have to deal with grumpy and petty."

He lifted an eyebrow at the nicknames and shot her an amused look.

"Who is who? "

She just wanted to answer him when they saw another horde of blobs heading their way. Looking at each other they nodded, ready to attack.

Flying high in the air Wanda shot some energy blasts in their direction, giving Strange the opportunity to catch them and send them back into their dimension. She was about to round the corner when she saw something flying towards her, turning around she brought up a barrier to defend herself but the attack never came as Agatha landed not far from her, using another spell to open a portal the witch flung them in its general direction, the portal catching them and making them vanish. More blobs started to appear and Wanda realised that the situation was getting more and more out of control.

She was ready to attack the remaining creatures when she heard a roar, whipping her head around she stared at the new creature that just appeared on top of a nearby skyscraper. It kinda looked like a dragon with for two sets of wings and tentacles, spitting some kind of toxin and fading in and out of existence. Wanda groaned, their day wasn't bad enough already with the blob thing, a fancy dragon squid wasn't really some she needed today as well.

Agatha floated next to Wanda, bored expression on her face. It wasn't something she hadn't seen before. These kind of creatures were annoying, sure, but nothing she couldn't handle if she needed to.

Deciding that she did not need to get toxin stains on her new outfit today she turned to Wanda, already regretting what she was about to say.

"You and Strange handle our new guest, I'll handle these fuckers."

Shocked at her offer Wanda turned to her, raising an unbelieving eyebrow.

"You want to help us ?"

"Don't think too long about it or I might change my mind."

Groaning Wanda shot her one last glare before she flew away to help Strange.

Looking around Agatha decided that chasing after each of the annoying creatures was too much of a hassle. She looked around to find a good spot to catch as many of them without doing much work. Spotting a suitable tower in the distance she flew towards it, blasting a couple blobs out of her way as she arrived on the top.

The sight that greeted her was almost comical, there sat Loki, on a beach chair with sunglasses on his head sipping a colourful cocktail, every now and then flicking his hand to catch a blob that got too close to the tower, flinging it towards a portal he had opened not far away.

He lifted his shades as she approached him, snapping his fingers to let another chair appear, nodding his head towards it.

She laughed at the gesture, settling down in the surprisingly comfortable chair, conjuring up her own glasses to block out the sun.

"Never imagined to see you in New York again Trickster."

He only snorted at that, flinging another blob into the portal, a green 178 popping up over the interdimensional gateway.

"Never say never."

Agatha chuckled, flinging a couple creatures towards the portal as well, a purple 154 lighting up. She grinned, she wasn't that far behind.

"I don't understand why heroes always have to be so dramatic, its far more entertaining this way."

The god commented, refilling his drink and conjuring some pastries, grabbing some for himself before he passed the floating tray in her direction.

"Exactly, they are always so extra, always so much drama."

Agatha remarked, grabbing a strawberry cupcake, absently flinging a couple blobs into the portal.

"Strange look out!"

Wanda was panting, she had a cut across her cheek and her suit was burned in a couple places, the toxin and fire having gotten to her at one point.

Strange ducked a blast and ran towards her, shielding himself as he yelled something she couldn't understand over the noise of the battle.

The count over the portal just reached a tie when Agatha had finished her cupcake, tossing the wrapper aside she looked at the tray, deciding which one to try next.

"The lemon cake is divine, you should try it."

Loki supplied, taking a bite from his chocolate covered strawberry, adjusting his shades as they had slipped down his nose a bit.

She took a slice of the lemon cake and refilled the drink the god had offered her as the count had reached 1000, plopping some more ice cubes into the cocktail, it was a hot summer day after all.

Wanda jumped over some rubble, running for cover as she was chased down the ally by not less than 20 slimy creatures. Sometime in the last hour she had broken her wrist, the dull ache in her hand nothing compared to the burning feeling in her legs. She had ran more than ever in her life today. Yelling at Strange who was running besides her to keep going the slid behind some garbage cans.

Panting she looked at him. He was missing an eyebrow and his right sleeve, his boots melted to his trousers from a pretty hot fire ball from one of the creatures.

"The weather is quite nice today, don't you think? "

Agatha remarked, taking a sip of her cocktail, adding more ice as most of it had melted already. They had conjured a sun shade as it got hotter, the temperatures pushing 30⁰C

"A little bit to hot for my liking but it's definitely nice."

Loki answered, taking a bite out of his ice cream. He had change into a sleeveless tunic, pulling his hair into a messy bun, his boots having been replaced by flip flops. He flung his hand towards the portal, a green 735 popping up.

"Seems like im winning Ms. Harkness."

Agatha just laughed as she twisted her hand, sending some blobs into the portal, the purple 737 making her shoot the trickster god a triumphant smile.

"Don't get cocky dear."

Agatha had changed her outfit as well. Now spotting a purple flower dress, the fabric flowing around her knees, sandals instead of heeled boots. They had exchanged the pastries for ice cream at some point, Loki opting for mint and chocolate as Agatha chose blueberry and raspberry. They were just about to decide whether or not to order pizza when they heard a loud bang and smoke started to form a couple blocks in the distance.

Lifting his shades to have a better look on what's going on Loki shot a questioning look in her direction.

"You think they are alright? "

Waving him off Agatha took another bite from her ice cream, settling back in the chair.

"They'll be fine."

"Run"

That was the last thing Wanda heard before all hell broke lose, the building behind them catching fire and the toxin starting to react with it.

Strange grabbed her by the hand and they portaled out of the collapsing building.

Landing roughly on the concrete a couple streets over they groaned. Wanda by now having lost her right boot and part of her jacket. Strange didn't look much better, having lost a chunk of his hair to the fire and a broken ankle thanks to a fall from the third floor. It really wasn’t their day.

Loki and Agatha were just debating whether two servings of bread rolls were too much when an orange portal opened. They turned their heads away from the menu to look at the new arrival.

It was Wong, wearing beach shorts and a hawaii shirt, dragging his own beach chair through the portal.

"The Sanctum is safe, these idiots just don't know how to fight efficiently."

With these words he plopped down on his chair, accepting the menu Agatha offered him.

"Alright we can order two servings of bread rolls now but this won't work without a salad."

Loki commented, scrolling through the menu, debating whether he should order a caesar salad or the tuna one, both sounded delicious.

Having meanwhile conjured a fire pit and some blankets, as the sun was starting to set, they had dragged a table from the Sanctums dining room onto their rooftop. It was surprisingly easy to find a restaurant who delivered on top of a building if you offered to tip a little bit more.

"What do you think, red or white wine?"

Agatha asked as she held up two bottles. She had moved to the table already and had kicked her feet up on the table, watching the sunset as they waited for the food to arrive, distant bangs of fighting heard in the distance.

"I'll take the red wine."

Loki commented from where he was standing, arranging the fairy lights around the roof top. You needed a nice atmosphere to have a nice dinner party after all.

"I think the pizza arrived, I'll be right back."

With these words Wong opened a portal and stepped through it, leaving Agatha and Loki to their own devices. The god was painting his nails, nail polish floating in the air as he carefully applied the second coat of midnight black.

Meanwhile the witch had leaned back in her chair, wine glass in hand as she absently played with a ball of purple energy, illuminating the whole table in a purple glow.

"Today has been a great day, I really needed a day off."

She commented, taking a sip of her wine, taking her feet off the table as Wong appeared with their food, unpacking the pizza cartons and sorting through the food.

Wanda and Strange were done. They had finally managed to defeat the dragon squid thing, the blobs having disappeared a while ago. She had wrapped an arm around his shoulder as he had problems walking with his injured foot, her own wrist hurting like hell.

They were exhausted, smelling like dead dragon and smoke, covered in interdimensional goo and first degree burns.

"This has been a fucking nightmare. "

The sorcerer supreme commented. Wanda just nodding her head, too exhausted to say anything.

"I'd like to make a toast. "

Agatha groaned at Loki's statement, hitting her head on the table. They had had clearly to much alcohol, Loki bringing out some asgardian liquor, Wong bringing some alcohol from his home and she herself conjuring a bottle out of her ever-growing wine collection.

Loki was leaning against the table, having to hold onto it for support. Wong wasn't much better, feet kicked up on the table, glass in hand, refilling all of their glasses with what he call the best liquor you can get on earth.

She wanted to disagree but had to admit it was quite good. Getting up from her chair she raised her glass.

"And what are we making a toast on?"

Loki winked at her, raising his glass as he helped Wong up, the other man the most intoxicated of the trio.

"To this beautiful day and this beautiful friendship. "

"No no no, to magic and bitching about stupid people. "

Wong interrupted, talking about their animated discussion on who had to deal with the most shit.

The two men started arguing, on what they would speak their toast on. Groaning Agatha snapped her fingers, catching the attention of the two sorcerers, lifting her glass she spoke, a little bit more slurred than usual.

"To bitchcraft and the imbeciles we have to deal with on a daily basis. "

"To bitchcraft. "

They all echoed, raising their glasses.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

Wanda asked Strange as they stepped out of the portal onto the rooftop, watching the trio speak a toast.

He just shook his head and pulled her back into the portal.

"I think we both got hit in the head one too many times. "

[palominocorn]

Sims 2 Law Enforcement Career Default Replacement - Fuck the Police Edition (Maxis Match. Ish.)

With thanks to @moocha-muses for testing, chance card ideas, and providing the kick in the ass necessary to make me complete it.

And while I have your attention, remember to support Black Lives Matter and donate to your local bail/legal/mutual aid fund.

UPDATE 15-Jun-2020: the LTW memory icon wasn’t updated, because EA made this whole thing out of bloated, rotten spaghetti code that doesn’t make any sense. I’ve updated the main file to fix this, but if you’ve already downloaded, just put this little file into your downloads and that should cover it.

Under a cut because holy shit I’m a verbose little fucker.

This is a default replacement for the Base Game Law Enforcement careers, both teen/elder and adult, renamed and remade into Emergency Services. Only the Captain Hero level remains; everything else has been changed to firefighters, social workers, and the like. Yes, I’m aware that firefighters don’t usually become social workers in real life, but concert pianists don’t usually become rock gods and that’s default Maxis behavior so nyah.

I did my best to keep it Maxis Match-y, meaning that the salaries and promotion requirements are roughly equivalent to those of other careers, and the style tends toward goofy. There are brand new descriptions for 12 levels (3 teen + all adult except Captain Hero), with chance cards that hopefully capture the same feeling as the vanilla ones. The icons for the career and the associated LTW have been changed to a firefighter’s bugle. Uniforms and carpools have been changed (no new ones, just using existing game materials) to make sense. (The social work level doesn’t use the existing social worker uniform due to the lack of a male version, and I couldn’t figure out how to make the firetruck show up as a carpool, but they’re still close enough.)

This DR should not conflict with existing mods other than other replacements for the career. (If you have replacements for cars or outfits used in this mod, it’ll automatically pick them up.) I think it should work with Midge’s Playable Cops, but it’ll look kind of weird. But I guess if you’re getting a “fuck the cops” mod, you don’t want playable cops anyway. (No, I will not be making a playable social workers/firefighters mod.)

MAKE SURE ANY EXISTING SIMS IN THE LAW ENFORCEMENT CAREER ARE HOME BEFORE YOU PUT THIS IN. Since I changed the hours of some of the levels, your sims could be stuck at work for a very long time unless you reset them. You don’t want that.

LTW behavior has been left alone, so it’ll pick up whatever your game already uses (family or popularity in the vanilla game). The fingerprint scanner is still the reward, and it still attaches to the bio and psych majors. I will likely mod this at some point as part of a career/major overhaul. (ETA: 20 years.)

The forecast predicts a 100% chance of typos, so let me know if you catch those (or, worse, errors), and I’ll fix them. I will not, however, be making new versions with different levels, although if you want to use mine as a base, you can, and I’ll be happy to explain the process. Additionally, I’ve only done string replacements for US and UK English (and the UK is just US pasted over - sorry, Brits), but if you’d like to translate to your language, let me know and we can figure it out.

Drop both files into your Downloads folder, as usual, and that should change every Law Enforcement-related thing to Emergency Services, except one: the LTW UI text. To change that, you’ll have to mod your game files. Here’s how:

1) Go to your Program Files> EA Games> [latest EP]> TSData> Res> Text folder. 2) Make a backup of the Wants file. Put it somewhere safe. MAKE THE BACKUP. Make multiple backups, even! BACK IT UP. 3) [If you already know your computer allows you to mod within the game files, skip this. Mine doesn't, so I have to do this.] Make a working copy of the Wants file. This should be different from your backup. Seriously. Always have a backup. 4) Open your working copy in SimPE. 5) Sort by name or by instance and find Become Super hero [instance 0x00000B63 (2915)]. 6) Click it. 7) From the drop-down menu, select your language. 8) Go to 0x0003 (3). 9) In the "String" box, change both instances of Law Enforcement to Emergency Services. 10) Click "Commit File". The name in the Resource List should now be italicized. 11) Save. The italics should go away. 12) If you made a working copy, exit and paste that into the folder. You'll need admin privileges for this; if Windows asks for them, allow it. 13) Open the file in the Text folder and confirm that the changes stuck - depending on the finickiness of your system, it may take some fiddling. 14) Once confirmed, load your game to ensure it worked. If you broke the file, the game should crash during loading. Put in your backup and try again. 15) If you didn't make a backup, here's one that should be M&G/UC compatible. (If you have a different configuration, let me know and I'll see if I can't track it down for you.)

In addition, I have a complete-but-untested edit to change level 10 of Intelligence to International Super Spy, and a half-complete edit of Slacker to fix the classism and general yuck. Let me know if you’re interested in those, or if you have ideas for other careers that needed to be decrapified (Military and Criminal in particular). Or heck, if you’re interested in the total career/major overhaul I’m working on to fix a million weird problems, let me know, and maybe I’ll get it done before the heat death of the universe!

And, without further ado,

DOWNLOAD LAW ENFORCEMENT TO EMERGENCY SERVICES DEFAULT REPLACEMENT

[tellywoodtrash]

naagin5 08.11.20 lb

on popular demand! won’t be capping much unless the scene really needs a visual cue, so just stream of consciousness kinda bs.

IF I HAD A RUPEE FOR EVERYTIME THIS USELESS BITCH TALKED ABOUT BEING AN AAAAADI NAAGIN AND THEN DOING NOTHING TO ACT LIKE IT, THEN I’D BE AN AMBANI. AT LEAST ANIL.

same, jai. same.

naagvansh ki raksha my ass. she let so many snakes get blown up in yest’s ep. fucking dumbass. 

“hum jaante hain ki hum kya kar rahein hain!” lmaooooo really? coulda fooled me. y’all literally fucking up every single thing you touch. name one thing that’s gone right in the last 25 episodes for you.

cheelanshu needs to take bani to his therapist. she seems to have inherited anger issues from previous tv husband.

BITCH SAY YOU’RE AADI NAAGIN ONE MORE TIME I DARE YOU

oh ho husband has been exempt from sazaa. not at all a biased decision.

lmaoooooooooooooo jai having a tantrum always makes me lol.

andar daddyjiiiiiiii also throwing tantrum about betaji’s pati dharam stand.

I LOVE HOW NO ONE, INCLUDING VEER HIMSELF, GIVES ONE FUCK ABOUT HIS STAB WOUND TO THE HEART. DO CHEELS NOT HAVE THEIR HEARTS IN THE USUAL PLACE OR WHAT???????

here i change fictional tv boyfriends on a weekly basis and this dude sticking with the same chick from satyug onwards. hardcore salaam to this dude’s relationship counselor. excellent work being done with him.

lmao the dad is thissssssssss 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽 close to chonch maar-ing his dumbass lovesick son.

"bass uss aadi naag ko marr jaaana chahiye, jab dekho phiss phiss karke beech mein aa jaata hai. phateechar, dharti ka bhoj. ek baat bataiye, satyug mein bhi yeh itna irritating tha???”  snorttttttttt. the exasperation with jai’s existence is reallllllllllllllll.

dad’s like BRO HE’S NOT THE ONE YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

veer so fucking lattooooo for his wife that he’s calling her AADI SHAKTI and all. beta thoda too much ho gaya.

lmao dad’s like TU IS SHAKTI KA SHIV NAHI HAI, AUR BANNE KI KOSHISH BHI MAT KARNA.

lol every time bani calls him daddyyyyyjiiiiiii, this dude’s lifespan reduces by 4 years.

"sweetheart, dekho tumhare wajah se mujhe itni daant pad rahi hai! pehle bol deti ki aadi naagin ho, main dad ko pata leta!” adslkfjldskjflsdkjfdf this fuckerrrrrrrrrrrr

dang veer baba offering daddy a damn good reason for keeping bani around here.

PONKY AUR MAYURI KI SHAADI OH LORD THE BRIDE IS DEAD

BTW I’M HELLA PISSED ABOUT THAT, I LIKED MAYURI AS A CHARACTER, SHE WAS FUN TO WATCH. certainly more so than stupid bani.

shukar he at least winced at the stab wound. main sochi wolverine style heal bhi ho gaya ab tak.

ohhhhh dangggggg ponky knows ki bhaabi is khatarnaak cheeeez and has to do with mayuri’s sudden disappearance.

lolllllllllllll veer’s halka halka call for mayuri just for formality’s sake.

oh boy we have a zombie morni on our hands????? (now there’s a show i’d watch!)

this is someone else (prolly jai) as mayuri right? he has practice being her.

simping for wife seems to be in the cheel blood. ponky is very distraught mayuri is leaving.

oooooooh daddyji knows it might be jai.

THIS IS YOUR BIG TEST??????? KNOWING WHO HER BEST FRIEND IS?????

hahahahahahahahahahahaha veer doing the “kat gayaa” gesture in the bg as ponky gets hung up on.

OMFG JAI BORIYA BISTAR UTHAAKE CHALA AAYA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA VEER’S FACEEEEEE

maaan na maan, aadi naag mehmaan.

“OH BIN MAANGE MILNE WAALE DAHEJ” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

lmaooooooooooooooooo this is gonna be hella fun, these two idiots living under the same roof.

ASLKJDSALKJDLSAKJDLASKJ THE DAD LIKE MERA GHAR HAI KOI MUJHSE BHI TOH POOCHO KI IF I WANT THESE FUCKING SNAKES HERE?!?!?!?!  lmaooooooo i really feel bad for him. he didn’t want one snake in the house and now in a matter of minutes he’s got two!!!

cheel daddy pursing his lips in frustration when bani is giving her thakela lecture is The Biggest Mood

do minute pehle she was like this shaadi was your manmaani, now she’s telling that tumse shaadi karna meri khud ki marzi thi. nahi behen, decide karlo tum, ki kis side pe ho. yeh nahi trump supporters ki taraah stop the count bhi chila rahi ho aur count all votes bhi.

ofc this kinky fucker would get turned on by her revenge threats.

ok i’m bored with this scene now and fwding.

blah blah bani asking how jai knew mayuri’s best friend him hmmm hawwing blah blah dc fwding.

BANI YOU DUMBASS INSTEAD OF FIGHTING WITH VEER THINK OF HOW JAI KNEW THAT WAS MAYURI’S ROOM GOD SHE’S LITERALLY SO STUPID SHE MAKES RIDDHIMA LOOK LIKE A MENSA CANDIDATE

lol jai and veer’s stupid pissing contest finally got to bani and she walked off

“dhaabe waale!!!!”

“AADI NAAG HOON MAIN! IZZAT SE BAAT KAR!”

“kshama karna chaepppp ji!” aslkdjaslkdjaslkdjas

“main bani se bohut pyaar karta hoon, chaahe woh naagin ho ya baaghi.”  huh. is veer considered a furry (even tho bani has scales not fur) coz he’s into a whole other species?????????

lmao all the different cheel boys and their reactions at cheel daddy’s MY HOUSE IS FILLED WITH MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES meltdown. tapish (my fave) like yiiiiiiiiiiikes, daksh is pouring himself a drink, ponky is sitting in a corner sadly kissing his ring, while monil is ragging on him.

cheel daddy bringing in the big guns: MARKAAAAAAAAT

interesting how they’re all referring to markaat as male when yest it was a female voice. we love a gender ambiguous shadow demon!

ouffff i don’t really care about this basement lady.

don’t care about bani’s 8th i ammmmm aadi naagin speech of the hour either. 

ohohohohohoh power of mangalsutra scene bhi ghusa diya beech mein.

i’d say it’s huge progress that she’s stopped wanting to murder veer. honestly proud of you, sis.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand she’s back on not trusting him. god she’s just sooooooo fucking irritating.

THIS IS HER PRIORITY RN????????? TO FIND OUT WHAT’S BEHIND THIS TEHKHANA DOOR???? DUDE. YOU JUST HAD A LONGASS DAY FILLED WITH MULTIPLE MURDER ATTEMPTS. CAN YOU JUST GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP????

sasur bahu faceoffffffffffff. chalo kuch toh novelty.

blah blah blah she’s too nosy for her own damn good, fwding.

24TH I AM AADI NAAGIN SPEECH OF THE DAY DUDE PLS JUST STOPPPPPPPPPPPPP

oufffffffffffffffffffffff these two idiots fighting over her like she’s an objecttttttttt. WHERE’S YOUR I AM AADI NAAGIN HEAR ME ROAR HISSSSSSSS POWER NOW, B????????

lmaooooooooooooo chaepu champakkkkkkk

“toh aur kya bulaaaon, chaeppu champak chomu???? woh kya hai, jo log baar baar haarte haina, unhe JAIIIIIIIIIII naam se nahi bula sakte!” lmaooooooooooo

THESE TWO FUCKING IDIOTSSSSSSSSSSS

lol this is the only time i have related to bani’s character, ever.

omg just make this the whole showwwwww. these two dumbasses trading playground insults. there’s a show i’d watch fucking everyyyyyy dayyyyyyyyy.

lmao cheel naagin households mein bhi navratre mein non-veg waale issues. universal problem this is, no matter what species.

daksh trying to taunt naagin bhaabi who has a knife in her hand. not the smartest move.

i love how tapish looks like he’s barely trying to keep from laughing. i like him. i hope his character doesn’t become OTT evil. i’d like to see him have a brotp with bani.

lol baby cheels got scared away with bhaabi’s snake eyes.

lmao, jai is here. now it’s gonna be a good morninggggg.

“shakkar lene jaa rahi hoon. KOI MERE PEECHE NAHI AAYEGA!” lololololololol

“baith jaa! juice pass kar!”

“abbe chaepu champak, tera juice bana doonga!” pfffffffffffffft

ohhhhhhhhh boyyyyyy, ponkyyyy and monil were the ones who raped and killed noor.

i was sad when i saw the promo this week had monil being killed coz he was the smiliest himbo and i liked him, but yeah, idc if bani kills him now. fuck them being “babies”. kill them rapey cheels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY IS THIS SHUKLA SO DEFERENTIAL TO JAI???????? IDGI. like shakura, jai had some magic key or some shit, but why are mayuri and shukla soooooooo obedient????

anyway veer need to catch themmmmm alreadyyyy and fuck them up.

oh hi meera. looking hot.

meera isn’t meera, it’s bani.

TIME’S UP, MONIL!!!!!!!!!!!! ROT IN HELL, FUCKER.

oh god jai’s saying “interesting!” aage “veryyyyyyyyyyy interesting!” bhi bol deta toh screen ke andar ghus ke maarti main usse.

tharak gonna be the death of you monil.

why did she turn back into her bani form??? don’t the cheels have some power to see the last image in a dead person’s eyes or some shit? veer used it to find out jai was alive. why wouldn’t they do that thing when it’s one of their own that’s killed????/

CAN’T SAY I’M NOT ENJOYING BANI DROWNING A RAPIST. GO AADI NAAGIN, YESSSSSS BITCH, KILL HIM.

jaiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i swear to god you’re suchhhhhhh a naarad muniiii, ainvayi mein chugli kar ke uksaata hai. you’re a snake in a whole other way.

why did she have to turn into snake to dasssofy him? she dassofied mayuri in her human form???? nothing in this show makes sense to me.

basement aunty stomping away to god’s glory and distracting frmo important rapist murdering tasks here.

today in naagin5 and immj2 are companion pieces:

colors pe har show mein sink ke neeche koi qaid hai kya/??? someone tell me what’s the status in choti sardaarni and pinjra. oh my god is it happening in big boss too???? is some poor D list celeb stuck under the wash basin plumbing in hopes of winning obscene amounts of money????????

monil trying to leverage saying i’ll take you wherever the sound’s coming from, and lmao bani’s like bitch i know the way too. shut up and lie here till i come back to kill your ass.

cheeeeee, why she decide to go through the dirtyass pipesssss???

and yet again, the pipe of the sink has just opened into one random space in the basement. THIS IS NOT HOW MODERN PLUMBING WORKS YOU FUCKSSSSSSSS

why is she so shocked to discover someone captured here? who did she think was crying and making the noises to be let out? someone who’s in there WILLINGLY???????? god. dung for brains, honestly.

phew ok this took too fucking long don’t expect me to do this ever again. night night.

[eroticcannibal]

A short list of the “professional help” I’ve had, in chronological order

1) the psychologist who simped for my emotionally abusive dad because “at least he’s trying” and “at least he doesn’t hit you like his dad did to him”

2) the psychiatrist that was obsessed with my weight and would never talk about anything else

3) the psychiatrist who fucked around making me try “all the alternatives” before giving me the benzos I clearly needed because I was “high risk” of being a drug abuser despite having never so much as touched a cigarette or gotten drunk

4) the psychologist that misgendered me immediately and intentionally after I came out to him as trans

5) the gender therapist that was actually okay but not super helpful until she moved to a different state halfway through approving my HRT and top surgery

6) the second gender therapist that made me start the whole process over instead of picking up where the old one left off, delaying my transition by months

7) the worst guy of all, the social worker who told me to move halfway across the country when I made an offhand comment about the weather, told me to “try this drink that has melatonin in it” when I told him I can’t take melatonin for sleep and safely be able to drive the next day, and accused me of being dramatic when I talked about an emotionally abusive ex.

But yeah, why don’t us crazies ever just seek help. It’s a real fucking mystery Scoob.

This is. Incredibly fucking relateable. I think the only 3 proffesionals who were never shit to me was the hippy art therapy lady cus. Yknow. Art therapy (also she did acupuncture and gave much better sex ed advice than school did I stan her) the ED lady who was like “well shit u won’t eat cus dysphoria I cannot help with that lets talk about some other shit then” and the one councillor I had when I was a kid who like. Got It cus he had the same kind of life I did. Licherally used to deal on the next street from where I grew up. I bought off his mates sjfhskdfh

Everyone else I swear was conspiring to kill me. Straight up had ppl say to my face “oh but see when people *say* they are suicidal they are often lying”. fuckers.

[dwarrowdams]

All right party people, it’s Festivus!

Normally I only air one grievance and give a good deal of detail on it, but this has been such a shit year that I can’t limit myself to one thing.

So to end 2020, here is a list of (some of) the things and people that annoy me.

(under the cut because it got VERY LONG)

$600 STIMULUS CHECK.  Like my dudes, what the fuck?  That doesn’t come close to covering my rent.

Congress in general because they dicked around for months and months only to give us money that won’t even come close to covering a month’s expenses

The mouse in my sister’s apartment (I’ve never met it but c’mon, she sees enough mice at work and also she’s a nice lady who shouldn’t have to deal with infestation)

Whoever gave me that stomach bug I got back in March (I cut my trip to Chicago short and was sick for a week and a half and it was not fun)

My DnD companions on Sunday when they almost let my character be carried off by demon vultures

The Wisconsin DWD

Community Advocates (aka the rent assistance org that has been stringing me along for about half a year now)

The human body (we require so much maintenance! who designed this bitch?)

Betsey DeVos

JK Terfling

Jeff Bezos

All those other rich fuckers (I could look them up but they’re not even worth the time)

Whatever part of my body that decided late last year that I should develop a gluten allergy out of fucking nowhere

Landlords

Landlords who hike rent during a pandemic

Landlords who slap their tenants with late fees during a pandemic

My aunt, who continues to not give a fuck about COVID even after both of her daughters got it

The part of my brain that just does not want to read anymore (c’mon fam, at least give me this)

Coarse yarn

People who wear strong perfume

People who use air freshener/scented candles/etc. in highly trafficked areas without checking to see if anyone has a scent sensitivity.

My sinuses

Everyone who flips rabbits onto their backs for non-essential purposes (they’re terrified like that and it should only be done to give them medicine or other such things)

Everyone who decides to release their house rabbits into the wild

Cops

People who simp for cops

Capitalism

People who simp for capitalism

That one guy in my DnD group who is just a big asshole

I refer to him on Twitter as Asshole Ray

Anyone who gets really upset when people point out that Sam and Frodo are totally gay for each other

like who cares if you don’t ship it, but stop harassing the people who do

Whoever decided to take the shot of Thorin blacksmithing toplessly out of The Hobbit

People who act like small businesses don’t have an obligation to treat their employees ethically (they do and if they can’t, maybe they shouldn’t be a business)

Anti-maskers

Donald Trump and everyone who supports him (including those who voted for him, those who worked for/with him, and those who have continued to do or say nothing even after he did clearly fascist things)

Gyms that won’t let you cancel your membership over the phone or internet but instead require you to send certified mail or go down there in person to cancel...even in the middle of a pandemic (looking at you, Planet Fitness)

People who stan thin abled cis white men in dresses, but scoff at transmascs, nonbinary people, and/or men of color who wear dresses.

That one phone worker at Community Advocates who continued to misgender me after I told her that I was nonbinary

Companies that destroy usable items instead of donating them because donating is too much work

Whoever decided that paying rent isn’t enough—I also have to pay to do laundry even though I already pay to live in this building and use its amenities

My cousin’s ex who apparently got mad at her because she called her ADHD partner to wake them up and refused to listen to my cousin’s very reasonable response

(she’s poly fyi so no one was cheating)

Men who are just a little too into WWII

People who assume that medieval people were stupid

People who misuse medieval history in an attempt to support their white supremacist ideas

White supremacists in general

My neighbor who always watches stuff really loudly late at night when I’m trying to sleep

People who wear their masks under their noses

People who use stimulants recreationally

you’re the reason I had to pee in a cup every month for a year just to get the medicine that helps unfuck my brain

Big coffee chains that charge extra for plant-based milks

White Vegans (TM)