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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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You & Me : chapter 17

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i know some of you were sort of waiting for that soooo here it is! PLEASE let me know what you think!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i added a few but some im not posting the screenshots of because i didnt add everything in the ask so it felt weird to add them. it was tough to add requests tho because I sort of had something planned. i hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Chapter 17 : His chapter

NIALL

I hadn't heard from Olivia in days but I was not really surprised. Apparently, her fiance (and trust me when I said I hated that word) had came back for a few days and she had without a doubt spent all her time with him. I was so mad when Harry told me about it that I actually initiated sex with my girlfriend, which was something I hadn't done in a very long time. I hated to think about Olivia with him. In fact, I hated to think about Olivia with anyone that was not me, and it was driving me a bit insane. Who would have thought my best friend would give me all these feelings? I wouldn't have guessed that back then, when we were kids.

I was the first one to sit at the restaurant as I waited for everyone to be there. It was sunday morning and we all had decided to have brunch together. I was not really in the mood but at least, it made me get out of the house, if only for a few hours. Even Heidi, whom I almost broke up with about 5 times in the past 2 days, couldn't handle being around me too much. I was still pissed at her and I knew she could feel it but somehow, I felt like she held me responsible for everything that had happened, like me being mad at her for what she did gave her the right to be mad at me.

Of course, I was not completely innocent in all of this and the fact that Olivia and I had kissed and more should make me feel guilty but it didn't. We were supposed to be together so why were we still apart and dating other people?

Louis and Eleanor were the first ones to join me, followed by Julie and Liam. We started talking about what we would do for Harry's birthday when I felt her presence behind me. It was a mix of the connection we had, and the way she smelled like, that always made me know when she was around and I started wondering if she could sense when I was near, too. It's only when she took a seat that something stirred in my stomach. Her boyfriend was there too and he was doing everything he could not to look at me. It made me frown and suddenly, I realized that she probably told him everything. It shouldn't surprise me, she was not the kind to keep things from people or even worse, lie, but I thought it was something that only belonged to us and it bothered me to know that she shared it with someone else, even if that someone else was the boyfriend she was cheating on. He was also still there, with her, making me think he had forgiven her, which was some crazy level of bullshit.

I tried to have fun and chat with everyone but I couldn't help but keep glancing at Olivia. She didn't seem at ease and I was not even sure why she had decided to come. She didn't enjoy that kind of confrontation and awkward moments normally and once again, I guessed that Dylan was probably the one who had convinced her to come.

I knew everyone was having fun but I was not and when everyone was done eating and were just chatting and laughing, I got up and said my goodbyes. They were short and I had a hard time to fake a smile but I still sent one last glance to my ex girlfriend before leaving.

I was searching for the right key on my chain when I noticed someone from the corner of my eyes and immediately hoped it was Olivia. When I turned my head, however, I noticed Dylan walking towards me and I was wondering if he was just going to throw his fist in my face. I didn't know what kind of guy he was, and although I felt like my ex girlfriend couldn't pick a violent guy, I also didn't know what a man who was cheated on could do.

"Hey man," he started, standing in front of me with a small frown before sighing. "Look, i'm not sure how to tell you that but, I know there's something between you and my girlfriend."

I stood there in silence, not really knowing what he expected from me. Was I supposed to agree? Apologize? Try to explain myself?

"I love her, you know."

I kept a straight face but my heart jumped in my chest. I loved her too. I was in love with her, but I couldn't tell him that, even if I was dying to.

"I know."

"Just," he passed his hand nervously in his hair. "I don't know how to ask you not to ruin this."

I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to let his words sink in and I started feeling bad. Not because I felt guilty for trying to get my ex girlfriend back, but because It was not the first time someone was asking me not to ruin something. I knew I could lie to him but I was not going to.

"I don't intend to ruin your relationship." I just pointed out in a low tone. "But is that really what you want? You want to marry a girl who's not completely yours?"

He sighed and glanced down before looking up in my eyes.

"If you were me, wouldn't you try anyway?"

This time, I had to admit that I was speechless and I just sighed too. Of course I would. If I was in his shoes, I would probably try to keep her, too, which is something I should have done over a year ago instead. If I had, we wouldn't be stuck in this mess.

I ended up just nodding and he did the same before turning around and leaving. I waited until he was back inside to get in my car and closed my eyes, breathing in and out deeply. I couldn't get myself to give up about Olivia, even if I knew she would be happy with Dylan, even if I knew it would hurt him and probably Heidi in the process, even if it would make an even bigger mess in our lives. I hit my wheel once and then a few more times a bit harder, hitting also the honk by accident. It was getting ridiculous and I knew that whatever was going to be decided needed to happen very soon.

I drove home and waited. I didn't want to be the first one to reach out, I thought that time, she was the one who had to call me and I waited.

It was a random thursday afternoon when I got her text message. The truth was, I was sitting in front of the tv but I was not really watching it. I had picked a netflix show that I was not really interested in just because I knew I was not able to focus on anything but when I put it on pause, I realized it would now probably suggest me a bunch of boring tv shows and I sighed, grabbing my phone. I could pretend I was not happy to get a message from her but i'd be lying. I could even try to say I tossed my phone away and kept on watching my stupid show but in reality, my heart had skipped a beat and I had re-read her words about ten times.

'Can we talk? I miss you.'

I blinked a few times, a bit surprised and annoyed by her words, and pressed my lips together in anger. Did she really just message me as if I hadn't stormed out of her place the last time we talked to each other? As if she hadn't asked me not to break up with my girlfriend after pointing out she was still getting married despite everything that had happened between us? As if she hadn't ignored me at the restaurant? I wanted to text her back to remind her that I was pissed and let her know she needed to stop toying with me. Instead, I decided to do it face to face.

'Where?'

I was expecting her to choose between her place of mine but instead, she asked me to meet her in a park and it made me frown. I got up and grabbed my keys and wallet, but kept my sweatpants and t-shirt. I had been quite lazy in the past few days and I didn't even give a fuck.

The drive seemed long but it was probably just because I was impatient and when I saw her, waiting for me on a bench, I stopped walking and inhaled deeply before sighing again. She looked good and I had missed her. The anger I felt so strongly for her now seemed more like annoyance or pain and I didn't feel like being rude to her anymore. I pushed my hands in my pockets, my eyes never leaving her, as hers were traveling around her. She could have been on her phone like most people would but instead, she was looking at kids running, people having picnics and most of all, at dogs walking by. I noticed her lips curling slightly every time one was near and it made me smile a bit, too. It's only when her eyes moved on me that I smiled more and I noticed that she did too. Why was it always so strong when we were near each other? I walked to her and sat a bit farther on the bench, making sure we wouldn't touch. She turned slightly to face me as I leaned against the back of the bench. placing my arm on it too, my hand very close to her shoulder now.

"I'm here now." I just said, my smile faltering a bit. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Niall. I'm sorry for what I said, too." she let out, surprising me a bit. "Of course what happened between us matters. It's... it's all that matters, or almost."

She sighed and I stared at her as she looked down at her hands. She started playing with her fingers nervously and licked her lips but I remained silent.

"I asked to meet here so we wouldn't be tempted to just throw ourselves at each other instead to talk. Because that's all we do, you know? We flirt and we kiss and we touch but we have no idea what to do with our feelings."

I moved slightly closer to her and bent down a bit as my hand gripped the back of the bench tightly. It caught her attention and she looked up, her traits softening immediately when our eyes met.

"I love you and you love me." I whispered firmly, my eyes dropping to her lips before moving back to her eyes. "You love me more than you love him. We're meant to be."

Those were not even questions, they were facts, and somehow, I could feel that she thought the same thing. Her lips parted and I realized that I was in her vital space and despite how rational and private I was, that made me want to kiss her. Whenever we were at very short distance of each other, we were attracted to each other like magnets.

I pressed my lips together but it took me all my strength to move back a bit, making sure I wouldn't just kiss her right there, in the middle of a discussion.

"I know you want me to break things with Dylan, I'm just... Niall I'm not sure I trust you." she looked up and I saw she was tearing up. "You used to be the only person I really trusted and now? I don't know, Niall.."

"I know I've hurt you, I know I've broken your trust, but we deserve an other chance don't you think?"

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard but when she looked at me again, a tear fell from her right eye and she quickly wiped it.

"What exactly do you want, Niall?" she asked, sniffing.

"You! I want you!" I expressed a bit louder. "It's your heart I want Olivia!"

"Why? So you can break it again? Shatter it in pieces? Stomp on it?" she let out, her face twisting in pain. "Because I won't survive this an other time, Niall!"

"I would nev-"

"You'd never do that?" she cut me quickly. "Because I used to believe you'd never break my heart and then you did. So I'm just supposed to let go of the only guy who's ready to drop everything for me, for a guy who broke me before?"

"Who says i'm not ready to give up everything for you?"

We stayed in silence for a long time, just looking at each other as people laughed, talked and ran around us. We were the only static alive things in the park. Even the trees moved due to the small breeze and I focused on her parted lips and how she looked wordless because of my question.

"I need time." her voice was so low it was almost inaudible and I just nodded, feeling my heart twist in my chest. "I'm sorry again for the other day. I should have ran after you."

"I should have called you back then. I should have tried to get in contact with you. I should have told you that I missed you, that I still wanted you in my life. I should have told you my album was about you." I let out before taking a short pause. "I shouldn't have broken up with you."

Her head tilted and the left corner of her lips moved up a bit.

"And I should kiss you right now."

"But you won't." I just let out low.

"I won't."

I nodded and sighed, finally looking away.

"I'll give you all the time you need." I gave in, knowing I was going to have to be very patient. "But even if I understand your reluctance, I love you, and I hope you can trust me again."

I felt her fingertips brush on the top of my hand that was still gripping the back of the bench and held my breath at the feeling of her skin against mine.

"Me too."

----

We decided to do the party at Louis and Olivia's and for some reason, I liked that idea. We had fooled Harry with the surprise by throwing colorful balloons at him and screaming 'Happy Birthday!" when he walked by the door and it was probably the cheesiest thing we ever did. Of course, Louis had proposed to play a prank on him where we would all ignore him all day but from what I had understood, Olivia had voted against it and apparently, she had a veto power or something.

"Who drank all the beer?" Louis asked in a loud voice after dinner. "I'm tired to drink your expensive wine, Livi, I want cheap beer and some nachos!"

"You are the most annoying person ever!" Olivia let out, rolling her eyes, before turning to Eleanor. "I don't know how you do it!"

El laughed as Louis glared at my ex girlfriend. "You're the one who lives with him!"

"Not for long again."

I frowned again and moved my chin in her direction. "Are you moving out?"

"No, Louis and I are going to move in together." Eleanor replied with a large smile as Olivia walked up to me.

She opened her lips to say something but Eleanor talked again and caught her attention.

"Did you drink? We could go buy beers maybe? Just so he shuts up!"

"Heyyy, I heard that!" Louis pointed out as El wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I can drive, no problem, I just had a glass of wine before dinner." Olivia shrugged, grabbing her hoodie and looking for her keys.

I wanted to propose to go with her but I knew it was a bad idea. Besides, Julie and Eleanor just grabbed their stuff and all the girls left, leaving me with Harry, Liam and a tipsy Louis. I don't know how the discussion turned from Harry being extra single at the moment to sexual encounters but I kept glancing by the window to see when they'd actually come back.

"I swear, that girl was crazy. She had me buy a whip and stuff." Harry rolled his eyes. "A real one too, like, it was insane."

"Don't even try, I bet you loved it. You're the kind of guy that makes us want to believe he's a dom but he's just really a sub." Louis laughed, raising his nose up with amusement. "The best kind of sex is just that first time you push yourself inside a girl that you've wanted for a long time. That my friend, is what bliss is all about."

"Or you know, a fucking good blowjob." Liam let out, making all of us laugh.

"I love when the girl lets me be a bit rough with her." Louis just added with a sly smile.

"Yea, Olivia loved a bit of a spank." Harry laughed, making me frown immediately.

I didn't like hearing about my ex girlfriend having sex with anyone, as hypocrite as it could sound. I also didn't want to be reminded that they fucked and dated, and most of all, it seemed extremely inappropriate to talk about one of our friends like that. Friend who could walk by the door at any moment.

"Oh yea, and a light choke, too."

This time, I frowned even more and turned to Louis who was laughing.

"And how exactly do you know that?" I asked a bit rudely, making him look at me.

"Relax, mate. She told me." he just explained with a shrug.

"So you never had sex with her?" I insisted just as meanly as the room fell silent. Everyone turned to Louis who remained motionless for a few seconds before clearing his throat and taking the cigarette he had placed behind his ear to light it up. I didn't really think they had but he knew so many things about her that it bothered me.

"Niall, come on."

His answer made my heart jump so high in my chest that I thought I was going to puke. If he hadn't had sex with her, he would have just said that, right?

"Did you fucking have sex with my girlfriend, Tomlinson?" I asked a bit louder, getting up quickly.

"EX girlfriend, Niall!" Louis frowned, getting up too, before pushing the smoke out of his lungs quickly. "You two were broken up."

I heard Harry curse but didn't send him a glance. All I could think about was Louis' hand wrapped around Olivia's neck as he fucked her and that made me feel even worse.

"You're a fucking hypocrite!" I almost yelled. "Telling how much of an asshole I was for sleeping around after breaking up with her while you were shagging her!"

"Oh I'M a hypocrite?" Louis frowned, tapping his chest a finger from the hand he was still holding his cigarette with before pointing at me. "Take a look at yourself! Being all mad that your ex girlfriend rode my cock while your dick dipped in so many vaginas you probably can't even remember half of them!"

I felt myself get so angry that I practically ran to him before being stopped by Liam, who acted like a shield between us. He placed his hands on my chest and tried to get my attention by moving his face in front of mine.

"Woa mate, no, don't."

I put my hands into two fists and squeezed them so hard I knew my knuckles had turned white and I felt them shaking. Why didn't anyone tell me that my ex girlfriend and one of my best friends had sex before?

"How many times?" I just asked in a low tone, waiting a few seconds to get an answer. Silence. "How many fucking times!?"

Louis didn't have time to answer. The door opened and the three girls walked in, laughing together. They all stopped when they saw us and Eleanor frowned, her eyes moving from me, to Louis and then Liam.

"Okay, what's wrong here."

My eyes found Olivia but she was looking at Louis with a questioning look. I turned to him as he shrugged a shoulder and his lips twisted in a small and guilty smile. Olivia sighed, rubbing her eyes, and that's when I realized there was one thing that bothered me more than them having sex. It was to realize that they were so close now that they could communicate without even talking.

I groaned slightly and stormed out of the room, trying to calm myself but I was pacing in the hall, pulling on my hair and letting out a few curse words under my breath.

"Nee."

I turned only to see Olivia stare at me with soft eyes but it didn't ease the anger inside me. I stopped walking and shut my eyes tight until I felt her hand take mine. My eyes fluttered open again as she stepped back slowly, bringing me to her room. I followed her, not really sure what she was doing, and she let go of my hand when we were inside.

"Please, close the door."

I sighed but finally did what she asked. We were standing together in the dark, very close to each other, but neither of us tried to touch the other or get closer.

"Can you turn the light on, please?"

Once again, I obeyed without a word and when her face appeared in front of me, I immediately imagined her naked on top of Louis. I looked away and closed my eyes, diving my hands in my pockets quickly and playing with the fabric inside of them, twisting it with my fingers.

"Louis told you, right? Is that why you're so mad?"

"Is that why i'm-" I repeated in a whisper. "Are you fucking serious?" I added louder.

"Niall, I was single, and he was single, and you were who knows where." she explained. Her words hurt me but her tone was soft. "I needed comfort, he needed comfort... You got comfort too, didn't you? With a few girls, I heard?"

"But not with any of your friends." I argued, shaking my head. "And I didn't have sex with as many girls as you seem to believe. Is that really what you think of me?"

Once again, the blame was turned towards me when in reality, i was the one who felt fucking betrayed by their behavior.

"Tell me, Olivia." I continued a bit roughly. "How many times did you let one of my best friends make you cum, uh? How many times did you allow him to fuck you so hard you'd forget about me?"

"That's the thing, Niall! I didn't forget about you! Not a fucking second!"

Her answer made my lips part and I stopped frowning. She took a step closer and once again, took my hand in hers, bringing it up to press her palm against mine before intertwining our fingers together.

"I love you, Niall." she whispered. "Having you so close to me all the time... it's making my body vibrate. I know it sounds stupid but it's true. I miss you. I miss everything we did."

My eyes roamed on her face and I licked my lips.

"You're trying to distract me from what I just learned, aren't you?" I asked low.

"No, I'm trying to tell you that it meant nothing. Not for him and not for me. He's the closest friend I have, and we shared that together in a few moments of desperation and intense sadness. I didn't make love with him, I only made love with you. In all my life."

"I only made love with you too." I admitted, squeezing her hand in mine as I watched her tear up.

"Really?" she asked in a whisper as I saw her break down.

"Yes of course, really." I repeated. "Did you doubt it?"

I watched her nod and sniff again. I couldn't wait for the day that the feelings I would bring inside her would only be good ones. I wanted to see her smile again, I wanted to make her happy. I had promised myself I would make her happiness my priority and once again, she was crying right in front of me.

"What can I do to make you smile, Olivia?"

She brought her free hand on my chest and let it slide gently over my shirt as she licked her lips.

"I know I said I needed time but, please, kiss me." she murmured, trying not to sob again. "Just kiss me."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam

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rogueninja · 5 years ago

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Okay so we all know who your top ships are... who are your unpopular ships? Or obscure ships? What characters from what series do you think about often in either good or bad ways? Who is a character that you hate that others love? If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

Ok I am digging through my brain right now bc if I’m not able to hyperfixate on something then I tend to forget I even liked it. Ok buckle in bc this is gonna be long af. YOU ASKED FOR THIS, REG.

I’m putting a readmore so as not to torture my followers lol

Thinking about Veronica Mars. About Veronica/Logan. Do they have a ship name?? But I love that show and i was THERE for them. They were kind of a surprise ship for me, in that when they got together I was like, wait, WHAT? Like I was totally caught off guard. But there first kiss is, like, sooo romantic to me haha. It’s my fave scene in the show. But Logan is suck a prick sometimes. And they break up like every five minutes. And every season Logan gets accused of murder which of course he ends up not being the murderer. And they get back together eventually and I’m like really? But deep down I am rooting for them lol. I really enjoyed the new season of Veronica Mars that came out last year, actually. The ending made me SO SAD THO.

I also used to watch Supergirl and I thought Kara and Mon-El were adorable. He was very Carswell Thorne-esque, RH, I *think* you would like him. I never watched past season 3(?) though, and he shoots off into space and I never caught up so a few months ago I actually googled what happens and [spoiler] he ends up marrying someone else in the future or something so I was like, ok I’m not investing any more time in this show lol. (Also I had to google Mon-El’s name just now bc i forgot which is a bad look BUT I WAS REALLY RIDE OR DIE FOR THEM FOR A WHILE lol). Also I loved Martian Manhunter in this show, he was my favorite character. But the CGI for him was awful, omg. He had practical makeup at first, they should have just stuck with that.

Speaking of Martian Manhunter, I also used to watch Young Justice and loved Miss Martian/Superboy. Am I basic??? lol oop. But I love basic love stories. Anyway, I thought they were super cute. In season 3 though they’re kind of on the rocks. I haven’t watched season 4. I also loved Artemis/Wally West, but of course that had to end tragically.

Also, let’s talk about Nightcrawler. Allow me to set the scene. Little Kat is 13 and just rediscovered the cartoon she saw a few times as a kid called X-Men: Evolution. And thus, a weird obsession with the German, blue demon boy began. I loved Kurt Wagner. In the cartoon he starts a relationship with Amanda Sefton and I thought they were a-dor-a-ble. She accepted him for who he was, and they had a really nice healthy relationship. A lot of ppl shipped him with Kitty too which i am honestly all for idec I JUST WANT THE BLUE BOI TO BE HAPPY.

Can we talk about A:TLA too??? Like, obviously Zutara, amiright? Power couple. Like, Kataang is.. fine, but its probably my least favorite part about the ending, haha. Also, consider: Tokka. Toph is bae and can get anyone she wants, and she clearly had kind of a crush on Sokka and I think they could have been awesome. It actually kills me that they never say who Lin and Suyin’s father is in LoK. I had a whole theory that it was that kid The Duke from Jet’s band based on like 2 scenes from the series. There’s a tumblr post I made about it somewhere in the ether lol.

I also just remembered Tahnorra (Tahno/Korra) from Legend of Korra. It’s hard for me to explain this one. It’s a weird combination of being hyperfixated on the first season of the show when it came out, and I think I stumbled upon some fic or something???? And I thought Tahno was hot or something??? And FUN FACT, he was voice by Rami Malek BEFORE HE WAS COOL. So like before Rami really got big I knew who he was. He also basically played the Avatar in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 and I thought that connection was hilarious. It was kind of a problematic crack pairing but there was one author in particular whom i follow to this day hoping she’ll update her Tahnorra fics…. *sigh*

Okay one last ship…. I used to be ride or die for Outlaw Queen in Once Upon a Time (aka Regina/Robin Hood). Like, before TLC, I had a personal tumblr renaissance for that ship alone. My only existing published fanfic is for that ship. Taylor Swift’s 1989 came out that year and I related every dang song to that ship. I loved Regina so much and I just wanted her to be happy. That show is a dumpster fire, though, and spat all over my hopes and dreams. *sigh*

Also, lightning round for obscure pairings I ship and/or never talk about:

Frank Castle/Karen Page (The Punisher) ok this one isnt that obscure but I never talk about it… but the pining, oh god the pining

Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth (GoT) THEIR 5 SECONDS TOGETHER ARE THE ONLY WORTHY PART OF SEASON 8. everything after that never happened

I already listed Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (FMAB) as a top pairing previously but I feel the need to mention it again bc it was for real my OG OTP… LIKE U WANNA TALK ABOUT PINING…. *sobs*

Percy/Annabeth (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) This used to be my fave book series and i loved how their relationship developed over the course of the books

Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) ok can we TALK ABOUT THIS??? They were both badass misfits and they were perfect for each other. But noooo JKR has to announce they marry some nobodies…. this is the only change the last movie did right

Midna/Link (Zelda: Twilight Princess) I honestly have no explanation for this lol

Qui-gon Jinn and Shmi (Star Wars) CAN U IMAGINE if anakin had a proper father figure and didnt have to abandon his mother to slavery

Obi-wan/Satine…. (Star Wars: The clone Wars) we know whats up

OK, to answer some of your other questions: character I hate that others love. HMMMM…….

This one seems too easy/obvious but Professor Snape? Like obviously there’s already a ton of discourse surrounding this but he was gross, mistreated his students for years, committed atrocities, couldn’t get over his high school crush, and we’re supposed to believe he’s a hero in the end and HARRY WOULD NAME HIS SON AFTER HIM….. uh no. “Always” is gross.

I’ve literally been wracking my brain for days and I can’t think of any more characters for this. OK I did some googling and I remembered some LOL.

Ross from friends…. I literally can’t stand him. He’s so entitled and just the worst. He tries to act like he’s the nice, sensitive guy, but really he is so full of himself. Joey on the other hand is portrayed as a womanizer but is actually super sweet and I love him

Archie from Riverdale… I have only seen the first 1.5 seasons ish but he is the worst…. we’re supposed to believe he’s some easygoing musically gifted football player but instead he manages to pull off being bland as heck and actually kind of a terrible garbage person

Nick from chilling adventures of Sabrina. I hate characters that are like hitting on the main character even though she has a bf and are like dark and broody and sexy blah blah blah…. I liked Harvey way better. I never finished season 2 tho

Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time? Idk she was fine she just got old after a while

If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

HM. First, Harry would name his son Remus Rebeus Potter LOL. Ok but real talk there was a headcanon floating around forever ago that Harry should have become a professor at Hogwarts instead of an auror and I am 100% on board

Ok, ok….. what abouuuttt…… OK, is star wars when Han and Leia get together. I like them as a couple, but the entire first half of the movie Han is being such an ass. And when they kiss the first time, he’s being SOOO creepy. It’s like so quintessentially 80s romance. and HERE’S THE THING. They actually filmed (or maybe just wrote?) a version of that scene that WASNT CREEPY. And i’m like WHY DIDNT YOU USE THAT?!? So I like to pretend that’s the version that actually happened.

This part is way harder than the shipping portion. If I think of anything else i’l dm you. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING THIS NOVEL LENGTH POST OF ME RAMBLING ABOUT MY FIXATIONS OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS. If anyone actually read this far, you deserve a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket

#regolithheart #ask #answered

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edge-lorde · 5 years ago

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hp update: its ur favorite tumblr user back at it again with another great post. thats right, as promised here is a more in depth look at the recent dragon themed time sensitive event!

this event takes place in year 6. bill is graduated but has been coming back to the school periodically to teach us bootleg DADA just like harry did in the books. it is on one such occasion that bill lets it slip that his next job from gringotts involves him going to the dragon reserve that we know charlie will eventually work at. bill had not told charlie about this job prior to this discussion precisely because of what happens next, which is that charlie wants to go.

this brings me back to year 4 days with the first charlie focused sidequest, where we scrounged up money to by what may or may not have been a dragon egg (it was not) from a strange man who had been seen trying to approach other unaccompanied minors walking around hogsmeade. this pure of dragon centric heart, but dumb of dragon centric ass quality was what made me start liking charlies character in the game in the first place. he begins negging his older brother in a way that is very familiar to me as a younger sibling. i as the mc of course jump on the bandwagon with charlie immediately.

bill sounds very defeated in this part because he knows the negging wont end, and/or knows that he will eventually cave to charlies demands. “no you cant come.” he says with a sigh.

but well see about that, because charlie and i go ambush bill at work to ask again.

as stated previously bill works at gringotts bank, which is run by goblins. i already had access to the location diagon alley, but before this event gringotts itself was closed to me. newly unlocked, charlie and i walk inside. unlike the hogwarts kitchens, it does not feel like walking into hell for me to do this. unlike house elves which only have 1 basic model used for every elf except for the 1 named elf, there is some variety in the goblin designs. there appears to be one basic goblin face that i can tell, but its paired with several different outfits and hairstyles, giving them the illusion of originality typically spent on unnamed background characters. there are also 3 named goblin characters with all their own stuff.

the first is obviously griphook, the only real goblin character from the books. hes bills supervisor. in the books hes a pretty unlikable guy but here, though hes not nice exactly, he seems at least kind of chill. he doesnt kick charlie or me out for barging in and says its ok for us go on the mission with bill. its nice to see him unstressed.

the other 2 goblins are the perhaps, hopefully, cool ones. one is younger than the rest and has some friendly dialog with you and his other named goblin friend, who possibly exists so the first one has someone to banter with. they dont do anything else this event but gringotts stays open after the event is completed so hopefully they will come back again and get their own plotlines.

anyway, charlie and i harass bill at work for a bit. his boss comes in, hears our plea, and doesnt immediately tell us to leave. instead he tells us the rundown of bills mission: a long time ago a goblin boasted that he could craft a golden dragon egg that would be indistinguishable from the real thing. he did, and it was. so much so that a dragon destroyed his house and stole it, i think he died in the process.

“so,” says griphook, “that is why we must send you, 18 year old we just hired, to go to a remote location filled with dragons by yourself to rifle through their nests and bring back what is rightfully ours. no we dont know which dragon took the egg or even the type. yes you can bring your little brother and his friends.”

sounds legit. charlie and i convince bill to not only let us come with him, but also our other classmates from his DADA class due to scheduling mishaps. we go gather the rest of the class to tell them about this but only merula, penny, and barnaby show up and so only they get to go on the field trip, which is convenient because otherwise wed have half the school out there and that would be entirely too many characters for the devs to write at once.

we borrow the same tent the canon characters will eventually use in all their camping shenanigans in the book from hagrid and get to the dragon reserve via portkey. the reserve now appears on the stairs screen as a permanent new location, not a fleeting one as i once thought. theres dragons flying all around, majestic as hell.

its too late in the day to start searching so we set up camp and settle in, roast marshmallows, barnaby tells a story about a vampire broomstick. then we go inside the tent and play truth or dare. im asked to pick at one point which of my friends id most like to have with me if i were to get lost in the woods. i pick barnaby because hes the one who asked, but really id probably want merula there more. barnaby is supposed to be into dueling but ive never seen him in a real fight. ive seen merula take a Cruciatus curse and then get up and walk. pennys whole thing is potions too. i thought this choice would be relevant to something in the event but it was not.

in the truth or dare game, merula gets bill to tell some embarrassing stories about charlie as a kid. he talks about charlie putting wings on their rat and a dragon mask on their owl, pretending that they are real dragons. everyone laughs. this his a cord with charlie though and he storms out. we wrap up truth or dare and go to bed.

the next day we begin the search.charlie has not come back yet. we realize this and begin freaking out, start looking for him instead. we scare a mother dragon off its nest for unfathomable reasons. eventually we hear charlies voice coming from inside a cave. we go in, charlie is alive and uneaten, but has a broken leg. he ran off to find the egg by himself in order to prove himself as teen boys are wont to do. bill and i then realize the other 3 didnt follow us into the cave, and a big ol dragon walks in. i gotta fight it singlehandedly while bill heals charlie in the back.

the boss fight was actually pretty hard. it took me like 5-6 tries to beat the dang thing thing. much enjoyment many high stakes. i put a sleeping spell on it to stop its attack at the end, though i had the option to use the Cruciatus curse which seems a little intense, game. then the other 3 run in and are like cool your safe! sorry we couldnt help u fight the dragon, there was a dragon. im like “yes, understandable.”

bill had given up on finding the egg at this point, but then charlie finds it! its a gold egg. in retrospect this egg might have been the egg that will inspire the gold egg stealing challenge in hp book 4 but i forget if that was inspired by a story or not.

then we have a cool down level with bill and charlie, where they both apologize, and charlie says what he did was stupid, but i insist its wasnt stupid it was cool and good even though that is factually wrong because thats what i would say in real life regardless. bill and charlie promise to never speak of this trip again, especially not to their mom.

the last level is us going back to gringotts and regaling griphook with the tale of our journey, including the marshmallow and truth or dare bits. he says “great job, teens!” and then we all jump up in the air and the theme song plays as we freeze midair and the colors fade to black and white. we all learned some valuable dragon based lessons today friends. it took me 2 full hours to write this and i have to wake up at 6 tomorrow.

#hp #sirius business #hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hogwats mystery #dragon #charlie weasley #bill weasley #penny haywood #merula snyde #barnaby lee #goblins #goblin #griphook #rambling #Thoughts

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redefiningthirtysomething · 5 years ago

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Ever have a family member that you didn't like? so much so that if they weren't related to you, you would never even consider being their friend? I have one, and that's my little sister. Sad isn't it? It wasn't always this way.

Before I get into why we don't speak, I'm not coming from a place of judgement. I'm nobody to judge, which she doesn't understand. She thinks I judge her, but in all honesty she has made poor Choices and she doesn't take accountability. I decided to set boundaries with her and that makes me "judgy" apparently.

Let's call her Rain. Rain is 5 years younger than me, so that makes her 32. She's the baby of the family and has really taken that title to the next level. This girl has always been the "crazy" one, partying a lot, following bands on tour in Mexico, boy crazy ... always getting her way. That's ok too, as long as she was always being safe. I understood that when she was 18, 19 ... 20. Rain talks a lot of shit for someone who doesn't have their shit together, and I swear it comes back to her each time. Whatever she was talking shit on happens to her.

Anyway, I can go on and on about her crazy childhood and teen years, I could probably write a book about it, time I dont have right now though. I'm just going to jump forward a bit.

2012. She went through a divorce a few years ago from the father of her kids. Very ugly, bitter divorce. Rain has 2 kids, a girl who's 10 and a boy who's 6. Rain got pregnant by a one night stand And they were forced to get married by his parents, they are very religious and felt it was the right thing. I didnt agree with that, but she went ahead and did it. They tried to make the marriage work, they got pregnant again with the boy, hoping it would help them. Rain was fed up though, she hated her life, she wanted to go out and party, be with her friends who were living their lives, but she couldn't. She hated it. She used to live next door to me, we lived in a small apartment in LA and when the neighbors moved we told them to apply for it and they got it. They lived there for about a year until one day Rain decided to leave. She took her kids and they moved in with my mom. Her husband was beside himself, he asked me for advice. I didnt know the ins and outs of the relationship, things are always different behind closed doors right ? She claimed that he beat her, he controlled her, abused her. He claimed she would sneak out to go party and didnt want to care for the kids. A lot of back and forth ... very different stories. So, he stayed in the apartment for about another year before he gave up and filed for divorce. He hoped she would come back, but she was very happy living her new life. She was living rent free and was able to go out, since our mom was home and able to watch the kids. Ok, cool.

Divorce was done and she was free. She started dating, sleeping around ... no judgement, she was single. As long as she was safe. BUT, we found out she moved some guy into my moms condo without my mom knowing. My mom works and travels alot, so it's easy for this to happen. But when my mom found out, she was upset, but didn't do anything about it. I was mad only because she has a little girl and she didn't really know this guy. Ya know? Plus the kids didn't have their own rooms, they slept with her. It was just weird for me. Anyway, couple years later they broke up and he moved out. Then another guy, and another one ... I didn't like the fact that her kids met all these new guys, or that she moved them in. It's like she cant be without a man.

Ex husband fought for 50/50 custody (thank God) and had them on the weekend. Every weekend. Also, ex husband got remarried but Rain doesn't get along with new wife. I wonder why to be honest, I met her and she's nice. I guess it's a territorial thing ? The kids love their stepmom, so that's all that matters.

Ok, now we are in 2018. I'm pregnant with Olivia. We had a falling out for a few months because she stole 2k from our mom. Not cool. They have the same name, so it was easy for her. So I hadn't spoken to her but the day I gave birth she showed up at the hospital. We spoke as if we were never in an argument. It's weird how sisters can do that, right ? I let it go, if mom didn't care why should I. After having Olivia my mom wanted me to stay at her place for 2 weeks so she could help me while I recovered. So, we moved in right after I got out of the hospital. First couple of days were nice, rain was there and was helping with the baby. Her kids were ecstatic to have us there, Bella was having a blast. I had heard of a new boyfriend that she had, but I hadn't yet met. She wanted to take it slow and not introduce him yet. I understand since all the rest were douchbag.

Rain received sad news about an ex boyfriend from high school who had been killed in a hit and run. I remember him, he was the sweetest. They had remained friends over the years so she was devastated. She planned to attend the funeral but didn't want to take her kids. Since I was staying there I offered to watch the kids, I didnt want them to have to go to the funeral.

Side note: I rarely offer to help with her kids because she never shows up the time she says. Also, I used to pick up the kids from school and I had to take them to my place until she got home, usually late and I had to help with homework and dinner. It was hard for us sometimes as we had things to do and we had to take her kids with us. However her kids love us, they say we are the parents they wish they had.

Ok, back to the story. She goes to the funeral.

Day 1: A few hours go by and it's getting later and later. I'm about 5 days post partum, so naturally I'm exhausted. Mom is at work, so we're just at my moms place hanging out. I text her, no response. I text again, no response. I'm starting to worry. I put all the kids to bed and assure the kids they'll see their mom in the morning. Around midnight my phone rings and it's an unknown number. I answered right away since I was worried about rain. It's one of rains old friend from high school who attended the funeral. He says to me that Rain had a lot to drink and was not able to get home. He says to me that she's ok, it was a rough day for all of them and he would bring her home in the morning. I had no choice, so I agreed and we hung up.

(Come to find out later that was her boyfriend on the line, pretending to be a friend from HS, she had left the funeral hours ago)

Day 2: We wake up and we get the kids ready for school. I'm still trying to get used to the new baby while juggling breakfast for the kids. Her kids kept asking about mom, so I told them she was at her best friend's house because it got late. Eli drove all the kids and then left for work. I'm home all day at my moms, had a few visitors wanting to see the baby. No word from Rain yet. No word from Rain all day. Eli picks up all the kids after school and brings them home. We make dinner and play, while attempting to call and text Rain for an answer. Mom is calling Rain leaving voicemails telling her to get her ass home. No call backs and no reply. We all go to bed. Around 2 am I heard my bedroom door open but it was dark and I could not see, I heard keys and the front door close. It took me a minute to get up, post csection, it's hard. Who was here?

Day 3: woke up, its daylight and bright in the house. I go to the kids room, maybe Rain showed up last night, maybe shes asleep. I walk in to see the kids asleep, but no Rain. I walk into her closet and I see stuff has been taken, shoes and clothes. I look for a toothbrush and it's gone. Perfumes, gone. Hmmm did Rain come last night to get her stuff ? I text Rain, now I'm mad. I'm frantically texting her that she better reply and I threaten to call ex husband. Oh? Guess what ? I got a reply. Interesting.

She texted something along the lines of: hey, its Rain. Sorry I haven't texted you. I'm having a rough time with S death. I need some time. I feel so lost. I'm with J at his place (J is her new boyfriend) . Are you ok to watch the kids, I'll be back. I'll text you.

My response: uh, well yea I mean I guess bit what should I tell them ? When are you coming back? Look, I know this is rough so I'll hang on to them until tomorrow, cool ?

I got no response after that, but at least I know she was ok. I updated mom and middle sister and we all felt better but were still shocked about how inconsiderate she was being.

Day 4: no text or phone call at all. We get the kids to school, pick them up, get homework done. Kids shower and go to bed. Her daughter who was maybe 7 or 8 at the time was worried. She was texting her too, I read her messages : mom, please come home. Where are you ?

I was so mad at this point. Her daughter was so worried and slept at the foot of the bed every night waiting for her mom. So Infuriating. I'm still exhausted and in pain.

I get a call from cousin in Florida, at around 10 pm which his time was 1am. He calls me and asks me what's going on? I had not yet told him what was happening so I was wondering what he was referring to. Rain had just called him. She was drunk out of her mind in DTLA in some bar, she was crying and yelling about how she Hates her life, how she Hates being a mom and Hates everything. Cousin told her to calm down and that he would call me to go pick her up in DTLA. We called her back on three way but cousin told me to be quiet. I listened to that mess for 30 minutes before I had to hang up. She was yelling and cussing, she told him NOT to tell me because I'm judgy ass bitch, wanna be perfect mom and I'll talk shit to her.

At this point, I'm over her. How can she do this to her kids? To me ? I'm over here, still freaking bleeding after my delivery, making sure her kids are safe and fed and loved. While she's out partying ? At bars ? I called cousin back and told him that I will not go get her in DTLA.

Day 5: I think this was a Thursday now, we had picked up the kids from school and went to shakeys pizza for dinner. No texts or calls from Rain all day. I was considering calling ex husband since the weekend was getting close. But, I remembered that he lost his weekend privileges for hitting the little boy. I didn't know what to do at this point.

Side note: little boy has behavior issues, he's been held back from kindergarten for his behavior and bad grades. He spit in his step moms face and ex husband hit him with a belt that left a mark. Rain took him to court to get full custody. He didnt lose the kids however, he had to attend parenting and anger management classes, which he did and his case was dismissed.

Day 6: no word yet. I texted her boyfriend and I told him to bring her home. I told him she has worried children. I asked him if he knew she has 2 kids at home. Want to know what his reply was?

Thank you for your concern.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN !!! ??? Really?? A big fat Fuck You. I think at this point my blood pressure rose, I got heated and my neck started to pound. I cried out of frustration and sadness for my niece and nephew. I thought, what if I adopt them ? I thought about bringing them with me to AZ? Ex husband would fight me for them though. I called friends for advice. I asked middle sister for guidance. Everyone told me to report her to child protection services. But I couldn't because of the fear they would take the kids to a foster home. At that time I couldn't take them to my place. It was small and would not meet criteria for 2 extra kids. Nobody could take them if we needed. I prayed about it.

I had my finger in the phone ready to call CPS, but I couldn't do it. My mom begged me not to she begged me to continue to help with the kids until Rain got home. She told me we needed to help her, she was not ok. I didnt call them. I couldn't. I love those kids. I couldn't put them through that.

I texted Rain in one final attempt. I told her she needed to pick up her kids from school and if she did not then I was going to report her. No answer.

Turns out I didnt have to. Daughter spoke to a counselor at school and the school reported it. When Eli went to pick up the kids they did not release them to him, CPS was there. They called me shortly after and asked me what was going on. I explained to them. They called ex husband but since he couldn't take them at the time due to court restrictions they asked his parents to take them. His parents home did not meet criteria and they were taken to a foster care for the night.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I cried that night. I cried so hard. I was so mad. I was infuriated. How can she do this to them ? Did I fail them ? They must have been so scared. I had my new baby in my arms, breastfeeding and crying for those kids when I should have been enjoying every second with Olivia. I went home that night. I couldn't stay at my moms anymore.

Day 7: I wake up in a fog, still upset from the night before. I check my phone and I had a missed call from middle sister. I called her back and she tells me Rain was able to get her kids back last night from CPS and she is at home. How did that happen I ask ? Middle sister said that she thought I called CPS last night and told them it was all a misunderstanding and I was just upset about babysitting for a few hours.

What? I didn't call ...

Someone impersonated me. She had someone call pretending it was me ... that really scared me.

I called my mom and she said yes, Rain has the kids. CPS apparently asked my mom if this was true that Rain had been gone only for a few hours and my mom totally covered for her.

My mom reason behind it was because she doesn't want the kids to go to a foster home.

I didnt speak to my mom for 2 months after that call.

A couple days after that I received a text from Rain and she basically told me off and told me that she can't believe I reported her. I told to her that I did not make the call...but I should have. We completely blocked each other from everything. She told everyone we know, friends and relatives that I reported her. That's fine, I'll take it.

Get this though, this girl can't get it together to save her life. She has now lost custody of the kids to ex husband. After so much drama, her showing up late for drop offs and pick ups, showing up drunk, starting fights with new wife, picking kids up late from school ... ex husband documented everything and he got a video of her drunk at pick up. The kids now live with him in a house and are doing so well. They're so happy. They chose to live with dad. Oh and the things the kids told the judge, so sad. Apparently she doesn't even cook for them. She's allowed visitation every other weekend. She still lives with my mom, has NO job, no goals... she just parties and hangs out with that douch.

My mom was out of town when this court meeting happened and Rain lost the kids, so nobody actually heard why she lost them. Apparently she told mom that it was because of me, that the judge said MY NAME and that I wrote a letter or some bullshit. And my mom question me about it. First of all, so not true, they cant just use my name and say things without me being there, seriously. I wonder about my mom sometimes.

Ex husband allows me to talk to the kids whenever I want. He was the only person who thanked me for keeping his kids safe and loved. And yes he did ask me for help in taking the kids from my sister, but I said no. I decided to stay out of that.

That is something that I will never ever forgive my sister for. What she put me though, my family... and what she put her kids through. I'm not a perfect mom, not at all, but you just dont do that. And although I see her around at gatherings or holidays, we dont speak. She's not there, I completely ignore her. I go about my time with the family. I have a very strong set boundary with her and she knows it.

She knows that I didnt report her but she needs someone to blame. She cant accept her fault, but she knows. We know.

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0thsense · 2 years ago

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28 9 2022

sigh. there is a 50% chance this is my last post on the blog. yesterday i felt very depressed in bed and i resolved to make a blog to write and vent, but today i randomly feel better. is it because i internalized what i thought about yesterday? i was feeling unhappy because my friend ned did not seem to be as happy to spend time with me. we were at one point comfortable and happy sharing our true thoughts but now i feel a sense of distance. it only makes sense because we live in different places for many years now but i cant help but feel there is more to it. our different stages in life with my degeneration while he is in a happy relationship and pursuing early retirement. i cant help but feel that maybe he just doesnt find as much value in our relationship anymore, while maybe im clinging on to my past glory. he seemed to value martin's company more because martin keeps up with the latest gossip from a variety of friend groups and perhaps i cant even offer anything more interesting than that anymore to ned. writing this is making me feel depressed again. i keep thinking about all the opportunities that ive missed and im already 27 now. i was telling martin on the subway back to our hotel how i read somewhere that your mental peak is at 25, and its just downhill from there. i tried to pretend and believe that i didn't let that change how i act, as martin annoyingly took the obvious position of 'oh are you going to just give up because of that', but i do think about it quite a bit. i dont have much time left, and worse yet i didnt realize how little time i have as ive squandered the past few years. i poured so much time into getting good at these games i dont want to mention, and achieved the goals i set. the only problem being that the goals were a proxy for actually being able to achieve the real goals i actually care about, and i still cannot achieve those real goals. i wonder if anybody other than me will ever read this. i hope that some random person finds this and finds it interesting enough to read and share. i dont think i will share this to anyone i know unless in time i become someone who can look back on this and laugh. that seems currently unlikely. today i met jarvis's friends. im not thinking of names for them because i dont think they will be recurring characters. i still struggle with meeting new people, i dont think the depressed state i am in helps very much for that. i probably came off as not shy but a little weird, which i guess is pretty accurate. i just wish i could make connections more easily, everything i do still feels forced, just like how its felt my whole life. it makes me worry about meeting a romantic partner. i used to think that if i could just show someone my true self i wouldnt have trouble finding a partner, but now im unsure of even that. ive lost a lot of confidence in my true self, and i also think my true self has truly become less compelling. im in a bit of a rut i suppose. if i start thinking all of these things every day i might do it. that felt forced to write but this blog is supposed to be a stream of consciousness so i should not hold back, though im probably just thinking it because its my first day writing this blog. i wonder if i should include mundane things like wow i scrolled up and this is a giant wall of text. probably not because it doesnt add anything and this is already getting very long. this might be the most words ive written in a single day since like my last essay in college, like more than 5 years ago. thats very sad to think about. my friend yan just posted that he will come home for 2-3 weeks for christmas. im very excited to hang out with yan again, but i have a small fear that he will treat me like ned. that would make me really sad. im kind of supposed to plan something important during those 2-3 weeks for the toddpole friend group, but its unclear and messy and it stresses me out a bit to think about it. i hope it works out, i think i can do it. of course no matter how well i do it i will get made fun of for it but thats just how it is.LIMIT

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jamesniall · 6 years ago

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Hey I’m not the anon that u talked about but I follow u on twitter and wanna let u know that don’t worry!!!! That happened to me a few days ago too djdnxjsn. Are you posting today?

ahhh HI OMG thank u for understanding :’)

IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING bc i got it all written but there’s lil things to edit and words to change a bit but it was basically done and then the power went out and refused to come back for 7 hours :/

as soon as it came back i got to it but im sleeeeepy and i have a family thing tomorrow morning (basically today wow it’s 4 am) so i can’t post it until the afternoon :( BUT YES TODAY IT’LL BE POSTED FINALLY. NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM POSTING IT TODAY.

if u want, and for the other super patient and lovely anon as well, here’s a lil preview of it; the first out of the 5 + 1 things of this fic!

(as i said, it still needs to be proof read again so if u find mistakes pls pretend u didnt, im gonna get to them tomorrow sdkfhds but yeah there u have 1,5k of this monster of a fic that took over 2 months of my life lmao what started as a lil hurt/comfort fic ended up in a 18k monster of developing relationship hurt/comfort and angst with a cHEESY ending wow)

Having the night shift at the E.R onFriday nights it’s always a chore. Harry always tries his best to change itwith one of his colleagues, even if he has to take Monday’s morning shift whereeveryone comes with the silliest symptoms to get some excuse to get out oftheir jobs for a couple days.

This time, however, Liam has a familything he can’t get out of and Harry has to cover the night shift.

It goes as he expected it.

Drunk college students with alcoholpoisoning are the most common gig of the night, followed by guys withconcussions and broken noses that can only be attributed to bar fights.

It’s around 10 pm when he’s making a roundthrough the new arrivals when he sees a guy sitting in the waiting room withwhat seems to be a scarf wrapped around his left arm and a guitar tightlyclutched in his right hand.

He looks downright miserable. Soaked tothe bone – though Harry doesn’t recall it raining when he started his shift –hair plastered to his forehead and a bruise in his right cheek that he can tellit’s gonna swell and hurt as fuck tomorrow morning.

He takes a look around the room andfigures he’s the most interesting case he can get out of the night.

“Hello there, I’m Doctor Styles. Did thenurse give you the triage paper?” He asks, looking down at the brown hairedguy, who startles at his voice.

“Oh, hi, yes, uh,” he searches around hispockets for a bit, hissing when he disturbs his homemade bandage, Harry doesn’tknow if he’s hiding a broken, burnt or cut arm, but he’s sure the scarf it’snot wrapped up properly for none of those situations.

He finally finds a yellow crumbled uppaper in the pocket of his jeans, “thought the red papers got attention first.”He says, looking up to Harry and handing him the paper.

“Yeah, Friday nights are usually full ofyellow ones, though.” Harry says, scanning the paper quickly and seeing Niall J. Horan, 25 year old male, reportedbar fight, probable broken wrist, no signs of concussion, vitals on order, pain8/10. “How’s your pain right now?”

“Out of ten? It’s been simmering between 8and 9 for the last hour,” Niall replies with a shrug. “Nurse told me x-rayswere necessary but that I’d have to leave my guitar outside,” he continues, “Irefused, because have you seen the people around this place? They’re all drunk.No way I’m leaving it out here only to find it broken, so if you can tell mewhat to do or what to take for the pain I’d appreciate it so I can go home.”

“You could have a broken wrist, judging bythe pain I’m pretty sure that’s the case, isn’t getting the x-ray moreimportant than a guitar?” Harry asks, an amused smile making his way through asNiall splutters and shakes his head.

“’Course it’s more important, she’s one ofa kind. Actually my arm might be broken because I fell out of the stage toprotect her.” He states. A stubborn frown taking over his face.

“Alright,” Harry nods, “You can leave itin my office while we do x-rays and get you proper treatment. That way both ofyou will be safe.”

“Really?” Niall asks, “Hey, thank youmate! I hope it’s not a bother.”

“None at all, just follow me and we’ll getit done quick enough.”

Half an hour later Niall’s sitting in astretcher as Harry wraps up his broken wrist properly. His guitar restingbeside him. “I cannot help but ask, what did you mean you fell out of a stageto save your guitar?”

“Oh,” he laughs, “well, you see, I play inthis bar on Friday nights, to help a bit with the bills, you know? Being ajust-graduated-nutritionist doesn’t give you much, so I was there, justchilling, getting ready to finish the set, when a bunch of assholes startedfighting, throwing punches and chairs and tables went flying. My guitar was inthe direct line of fire.” He says, pausing a bit to swallow harshly as Harrymoves his arm to check the blood flow is alright and the bandages are justtight enough. “So I try to yell at ‘em to be careful but just as I was about toreach the guitar and leave a guy was pushed over, I can only guess he was deaddrunk, because he didn’t even try to slow down the fall, and I could only seehis ass was for sure gonna land on my guitar, so I jumped head first to grab itand he fell on me, I fell on the corner of the stage, thus the bruising.”

“Is that why you told the nurse the reasonof all this was a bar fight?”

“Well, technically it all started with abar fight, but as I was about to explain it all she just went and rolled hiseyes and gave me a yellow paper.” Niall says, a sour look on his face, “realrude of her, you know.”

“Yeah, you’ll have to forgive her,” Harrysays with a small smile, “we don’t get much of anything other than bar fightson Friday nights.” He continues, handing Niall a sheet of paper with hisprescribed pain medication.

“Do I have to come for you to take a lookat it again? Like, remove the bandage or something?” Niall asks, looking a bitforlornly at the piece of paper.

“Oh, yeah but not here, exactly. You cancall this number,” he says, handing Niall a small card that just says Liam Payne and two phone numbers. “He’sthe best orthopedist you’ll ever find in this hospital. He’ll do an x-ray,check everything’s alright and in about 4 weeks you’ll be bandages free.” Hefinishes, smiling despite the fact that Niall looks kind of sad. Disappointedeven. “He really is the best, you’ve got nothing to be scared of, he’ll takegood care of you.”

“Not as good as you,” Niall mutters underhis breath as Harry turns his back on him to open the curtain that wasseparating them from the rest of the E.R.

“What was that?” Harry asks.

“Oh, nothing, just. Thinking out loudabout whether I should try to find a bus or just walk home.”

“I can call you a cab if you’d like.”Harry offers. Helping Niall gather his guitar, papers and card without losinganything.

“No, that’s alright. I left my jacket atthe bar so I have no change with me, just my very loyal Oyster card and twowell-functioning legs.”

“It’s really late, Niall, really. I canlend you some, it’s no trouble.” Harry says, searching in his pockets for hiswallet, “I’d be no good of me as a doctor if I fix you up only to let you walkhome at two in the morning. Cab is the safest option.”

“Also the most expensive,” Niall remarks,“we’re in an alright neighborhood and I live like half an hour from here, it’llbe alright.” Then, with a bit more of spark in his eyes, he says; “If you wantyou can give me your number and I can text you as soon as I get home.”

Harry seemed too busy looking into hiswallet to notice, though, “Here, just a couple of bucks. Just in case youdecide your house’s too far and you’re too tired or cold to keep walking.” Hesays, handing Niall a couple of folded bills. “Or in case you have nothing inyour Oyster card. Can’t never be too safe.”

He’s just finished talking when a beepcomes from his pocket. Eyes opening wide when he sees a red alert from hispager.

“Well, look at that. You can have a couplered cases on Friday nights too.” Harry says, shaking his head, “Have a niceevening. Don’t forget to pick up your meds tomorrow morning. What I just gaveyou we’ll be enough for the night but it might get really achey if you movearound a lot.” Harry says, walking fast towards the nurses’ station. “No guitarplaying, for at least a week, let you hand heal nicely. If there’s moreswelling, your fingers get really cold, dark or you can’t feel them or there’sany fever at all, please come back to the E.R immediately.” Harry says in arush as he checks the new triage papers. “Any questions?”

“Thank you.” Says Niall. “Really, you werethe nicest doctor I’ve ever met and I promise when I come back for that check-upI’ll hunt you down and pay you back.”

“No need,” Harry replies with a smile,“I’ve got to run. Have a safe trip home!”

And with that he leaves, back towards theentrance of the E.R where an ambulance is pulling in someone in a really bloodystretcher.

With a shudder, Niall turns to leave, notbefore looking back at Harry for the last time and saying to himself, “nexttime I’ll get his number.”

#IM A MESS #Anonymous #idk how this ended up being almost 20k words #but proof reading it has been A MESS #bc there are words that i type in spanish to translate them later and then when i do they dont FIT RIGHT in the sentence #so i have to rewrite the sentence and then that one doesnt FIT RIGHT with the next one #and yeah i basically rewrote a whole scene #it's been 5 hours since the power came back and im halfway through editing it and making it alright #but it's almost 5am now #and i have to be up by 9 for a family thingy #so i'll have to finish tomorrow :(#IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT #i considered posting it like...chapter-y #like posting the first 3 chapters that are sort of done and then tomorrow the rest #but i hate chaptered fics skdjfhsdkf #I'LL POST IT TOMORROW (today) AS SOON AS I CAN #I PROMISE #I LOVE U ALL #THANK U FOR BEING SO LOVELY AND SWEET AND PATIENT #i hated how the first scene of the fic turned out so i hope you're not disappointed #i think the rest it's alright and i actually loved writing it #but yeah

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moomoof · 6 years ago

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Stop it.

I was friends with this person for almost 2 years and it the last few months it turned into a toxic relationship.

We used to do hangouts and talk about issues we cared about on his channel but i found myself not being comfortable with some of the topics

but if i ever voiced i didn’t want to do the show he would keep pushing the issue and i was weak to put a stop to it.

That’s not to say i didn’t enjoy the shows cause i did buti didn’t want ot do them all the time .

The problems started with our view points really

I personally feel like he hid his real views out of fear of being abandoned or maybe he just posed as a liberal to ge friends who knows this is all speculation on my part after thoughts .

This post is just to let out all my angst and frustration.

I didn’t handle the last encounter withh im well i should’ve just said what i wanted and left i hoped he would understand but what scared me was his reactions again i wanted out of his show at least for a little bit

i would suggest he find other ppl he would pick up on the hints ...

i was going though a rough patch with my health and i had no energy what’s so ever i didn’t want to disappoint him so

..i told him straight up i couldn’t do it to get our mutual friend and o it with him he seemed annoyed at least in text

i didn’t speak with him directly then i saw the show live with our friend and ..

his reaction to my illness was annoyance he was like she’s off ill or

whatever the hell hshe has with the biggest eye rool i ever seen

...and then even if i told him multiple times

i was ill i did'nt want to talk he tried to force me by calling my hangout

...and he was rude to our friend cause i suspect he was jealous of our friend or annoyed

that our friend was trying out his own show i don’t think my friend picked up on this

He lied about how his old friends broke up with him

Of course i believed him ....well actually no for a while now i wasn't believing him cause he lied or omitted things i found them out on my own.

That's the heart of the issue it was a slow crawl but i woke up and wasn't going to be used by him.

Like i was saying i was sick he didn't care i told him i can really do this show cause i have things to do or i honestly didn't want to i told him that once but... a disturbing patterned emerged with him. No matter what i said or did he would act like i didn't say it and want his way. In the long run i got anxious around him any time i had an opinion he will shoot it down i couldn't express myself on my twitter feed without him screaming at me and somehow making me feel dumb.

I told him on many occasions i was emotionally abused and physically abused nothing. He of course said he was there for me to chat but i don't like talking about that stuff to ppl. But i suspect it was an empty gesture put there to pretend to be a good friend but in the end he wanted just a person to speak to cause he had issues but also he would use those issues against you. one year ago he said something awful or something like that and i disagreed true i got heated he screamed when that didn't work then he play oop i'm anxious card that then played with others and me for ever more.

He had to be right all the time. He had that stupid internet idea that if you don't have evidence of what you are speaking then you are wrong! or shut up even tho i never really went to his feed after a while cause i was tired of arguing.

He enjoyed arguing.

Then the big event that woke me up.

We were arguing about jill stien or third party voters actually i was talking about it on my feed and he shoved his opinion in my face....

yelled at me then i tried to be funny and say get with the program! with the clapping emojis

He flipped a switch and said i was stupid by saying oh you think i'm dumb? really? ok then your writing skills are mediocre at best or worse actually. (yes i am aware my writing is terrible) but a personal attack like that for no reason hit me hard.

He just...went to that , that's what he thought about me ...i suposedly let go but it churned for days i have very low selfesteem it took me years to get out of a dark head space. He knocked me down. He hates everything i am cause i do agree with him. That was my head space the next few days i wrote warnings but didn't name him. 3 changes and then i block you don't care you are my friend if you hurt me and put me in a dark space i am cutting you off. He got weirder with me hostile almost after then we butted heads and we airred things but i somehow had an inkling it wasn't safe to talk in the dms i talked in public ...it was weird i suggested we should take a break i wanted it so badly....he said no... and i caved and went back to the same shit different day. Then the last draw happened

I hate susan sarandon's white feminism i fucking hate it i hate her i hate that she cares three fucks about what she created

He has this weird white knighty behavior that he will attack you for talking shit about his favorite ppl.

He also probably felt personally attacked he thinks i somehow am talking about him all time.

We got heated i was already tired of his shit i started to withdraw from our supposed friendship. Then he did it...he attacked my identiy aka my puerto rican ness and added hillary to it he later deleted it. So he can claim he didn't know what he did to cause my silence but more on that later. He knew that after Maria the hurricane i lost family i wasn't connected to the for weeks i had to worry aobut their well being for months without being able to do nothing ...i was a wreck for months he knew i told him, it was on his show too ( he since deleted all of them GOOD!) I did not deserve this more over i had a very hard anniversary coming up as well not to mention it was september ( still is) i lost my cousin and everythign that i knew as my world this month and it was Maria's anniversary. He just threw it in my fave he used my pain to win a stupid internet argument. I decided to ignore him for a week or so until i can figure out what to do with him, talk to him again, stop talking to him so often but still be friends or completely run away in fear.

I could not speak to him it hurt it really hurt he used my pain against me i could not trust him....and the silent treatment happened.

The next day he acted like nothing happened and asked me if i was ready to talk about gay muppets like nothing happened ( the whole bert and ernie incident) that scared me ....he acted like everything was ok ...it wasn't it could be clear for anyone that it wasn't...

i muted his feed and muted him but twitter doesn't understand that maybe ppl want not to get notification from a follower or person you are following for a bit...

He kept liking my stuff in the hopes i would be happy? this is speculation on my part...

He commented on my posts to see if i would bite.

i ignored him hoping he would get it i muted hangouts cause i feared he might call

i had growing fear my heart would race thinking he was there replying liking and dming me...

This might sound dumb but ...it isn't it is harassment...

His former friends mentioned this he would use his second account to spy on them months after the fact they blocked and left him behind..that should've warned me.

He would mention them a lot. Like i said earlier i believed them but i didnt let on to him that i suspected something happened...at first i thought well they should've told him why and then block him and during the a conversation he did something and they didn't likee it's normal ...let it go ..in my head... i nodged him to write it out and let it go in a nicer way.

But he was controlling i saw it when he hated when friends posted somethign he would scream about it...

They mentioned that they felt free from his smug behavior that he would not value their opionions and then later one of his ex friends said it wasn't the change the channel movement but the how he held certain views on gamer gate..when i voiced my own he screamed at me cause he felt like he knew better and how dare you think otherwise!

He would go into these rage fits over this topic, if you didn't agree with him , eye roll

condescenion and disdain. This was the topic which lied about and the ppl he lied about or omitted it cause if he didn't he could push his narrative which was that gamer gate was a good movement ...by ignoring all the misogyny and abusive behavior cause he hated ppl on the attacked side. He hated that todd in the shadows blocked him for saying awful things about his friend. He kept on and on about that...like it was a bad thing...

He believed a group of rapey men that wanted a transgender woman to die and claimed she raped her sister... i will not go further into this.

I put my feelings on that forward he would probably be annoyed in his head about it..whatever.

He hated lindsay ellis cause she liked the tweet that told him off for harassing todd and his friend..

Sorry to his ex friends for my words about them cause i believed him for the most part and i did care about him i wanted ot make him feel better.

i was wrong i fed a monster.

I wanted a week of peace away from him ...didn't happen he kept on and kept on ...he even got our mutual friend involved and lied .... he lied he said to him oh she's angry at me cause i don't know i did something wrong i am worried about her ...she's sad about stuff and the world is a bad place blah blah making me sound like the problem...

remember our mutual friend can't really pick up on these things

He asked i just told him not to be dragged into this cause i was pissed off

then i said it was nothing i was fine. and i moved on and ignored him some more...

He kept going ...

Then finally he did th final final thing and made up my mind for me.

He tried to guilt trip me into being his friend again or even to talk to him it scared me ...i blocked him completely on everything

he said you are hurting...me

me?! i hurt him what? he hurt me he didn't care and he dares to accuse me of something i never did so he can look like victim yet again!

That pissed the shit outta me i got tired of his toxic domineering personality

He wanted to control you by making you feel bad about challeging him on his views about having my own views for breathing for not wanting to do the thing he wanted on the day he wanted ...

him not caring about my illness really hurt me... he hurt me and i still have the anxeity and have it in my head his words ....i want it gone...so i wrote this to stop it!

He was not worth it...he's a bad person toxic it's not your fault...

I reached out to one of his ex friends i needed reasurance ...i needed to know i wasn't crazy and seeing something that wasn't there ....now its over i want never to ever see him or talk to him again.

I recount times were he said awful things like ugh when my face showed up on the hangouts ...like my face is ugly...

i took pictures he would say geez or something like that ignored it..

he laughed at my lack of furniture or equipment..to do audio work...

He even got super hostile with me when our mutual was with us...cause i didn't agree with him ...

I wrote a memorial for my cousin and he sullied it by commenting on it moments after he hurt me like a psycho...

Now i know why he kept trying to bring up his friends cause i interacted with mutuals he wanted to know if they told me about him...and for weeks i struggled to find out by asking them but i never did...

He is disturbed i am stupid for allowing it to continue to this point i don't know how far he would've taken it but my psyche could not take it anymore...

He even made fun of my drinking

it was a terrible idea to engage with him but i honestly thought he was a someone else like a person i watched turned out he wasn't he was using an account to get ppl to like him then he change later i guess...

Maybe i'm wrong maybe he isn't all bad just immature but i don't care he scares me and hurt me...sorry for this post but i need it out of me

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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AM Conversations : chapter 48

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47

NOTES:

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: i know my last chapter didnt get many notes but the chapter is ready so why not post it you know? sex is vanilla again. thought it was cute. sue me lol. theyll have kinker sex dont worry hahaha! i would LOVE to know what you think of the characters and their reactions and stuff. so please, message me!

here are the requests for this chapter! for the instagram one, i changed it a bit because i dont think her character would want to be in the spotlight like that i hope its ok! also i had already talked about their first time and such so I added the others :)

Chapter 48 : His chapter

NIALL

"Oh my god! Look at you flirting with that woman like she's not 30 years older than you!"

I started laughing and let my head fall back slightly. My arm was on the couch's back right behind her head and I brought it closer, pulling her to me by her neck.

"Is that the tone you use when you're jealous?"

I noticed her nose raise up in a grimace but she kept staring at the tv, making me laugh even more. For some reason, Olivia wanted us to watch old One Direction interviews, pretending it would help me for the ones I had planned in the next few weeks. It didn't really help, all it did was make us laugh and I had to admit it was quite entertaining and I was pretty sure I had never watched most of them.

"It was tough watching interviews back then." she admitted, raising a shoulder. "Especially the older ones. You were such a horny kid."

I frowned slightly at her comment. I could hear a lot of pain but also a bit of blame and it bothered me. I was young, I was newly famous and not shy at all. Of course, I was a bit stupid and I tried to be funny but out of all the people in the world, I thought she'd be the last one to comment on it.

"I just enjoyed flirting." I let out, shrugging too. "I don't do that anymore."

It took her a few seconds but she turned my way, staring at my profile.

"How many times did it work?"

I frowned, still looking the old 60 minutes interview we did a few years ago playing on screen. Did I really want to have this discussion?

"What are you asking?"

I held my breath and turned to her, noticing how painful it was for her to ask me something like that. I felt my annoyance falter a bit but not leave completely.

"How many girls did you have sex with?"

We had never talked about that before. I thought about asking, especially when we started dating, but I was scared it would start shit between us. When I was younger, I didn't mention my stories mostly because I didn't want to hear hers. Now that I think about it, it was probably out of jealousy, too.

"Liv, please-"

"More than 10?"

I stared at her a few seconds and nodded a bit. I watched her lick her lips and breathe in and nervously, I felt my fingers play with the fabric of the couch. I hated this, it could only turn wrong.

"More than 20?"

I could feel myself getting angry and I closed my eyes, trying to calm down. I didn't know why I was so touchy, it was not in my nature, but perhaps the way she asked me didn't help. It was not just a casual conversation, there was clearly a reason why she asked and I suddenly regretted that we never talked about these things before.

"20 sounds about right." I just said, impatient to talk about something else.

"That's more than twice my number."

We remained silent for a few seconds and I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Am I supposed to answer something to that?" I just wondered a bit rudly. "I don't know what you expected Olivia, but clearly you're delusional. I've had a lot of opportunities it's true, and no of course I didn't jump on all of them, but you don't ask an 18 year old boy to be reasonable after being thrown into fame. I don't think you can really understand what it's like."

I shook my head and sighed louder than needed before getting up a bit roughly. I felt her fingers wrap about my wrist and stopped immediately.

"I'm sorry."

I stayed motionless, standing up with my eyes closed as her fingers pressed around my wrist more.

"I'm just scared. And insecure." she added low as i felt her fingers slip and free my hand. "I don't understand why you're dating me, Niall. You could date so many girls or just fool around with anyone you want. But you're here with me and it just makes no fucking sense to me. So when I see how things used to be for you, it scares me for the future and at the same time, it reminds me how much I cried during those years."

I sighed and slowly sat back down next to her, still not being able to look at her.

"Why did you propose we watch that then?"

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed her looking down and swallowing. I couldn't pretend I knew how she felt, not now and not back then, but I was dating her now, I had been dating her for over 9 months. The fact that she was still doubting me... doubting us, was tough to accept.

"I thought i'd be okay, I thought since you were next to me, holding my hand, that it wouldn't bother me." she explained in a low and ashamed tone. "I was wrong."

I sighed again and rubbed my eyes before getting up again. Her head shot up quickly but I just held my hand out to her. It took her a few seconds but slowly, she slid her palm against mine and I pulled on her hand, helping her get up.

"Let's go outside, okay?"

She didn't say anything, she just let me bring her outside, in the backyard. I took my socks off after letting go of her hands and sat on the side of the pool, putting my feet in the water and waited for her. It took her a few minutes but I still didn't turn to her. The night was calm and warm enough, especially for late september, and I looked down at her feet moving slowly in the water.

"At the lodge, I saw you and Harry making out naked on the side of the pool. It made me very jealous, even if I didn't really realize it back then. Not really because you two were having sex, but mostly because he had your full attention, and I was so used to have it all for myself that losing it was like a slap in the face." I admitted, licking my lips. "I'm not saying I know how you feel, Liv, or how you used to feel. I just think that holding on to that is changing you and stressing you for no reason."

"Maybe."

She didn't comment on the part about Harry and I closed my eyes.

"The first date I ever went on was with a girl from school." I added low.

"Grace, I remember."

"The whole time, all I could think about was kissing her. I didn't care about anything else. I was young, I can't even remember if I liked her, but I wanted my real first kiss and it's all that mattered." I made a pause and sighed. "Then I had girlfriends when I was a bit older, and then I joined One Direction and met other girls. And whenever I hung out with them, I was never jealous, I thought 'hey if it doesn't work then it wasn't meant to be' and that's it. I didn't expect it to last because I didn't want it to last. I had nothing to lose. I thought about sex and having fun."

I turned to her and sighed louder when I noticed tears falling down her cheeks. I moved my body her way slightly and shook my head.

"Olivia, why are you crying? I'm trying to tell you that it's different with you. I care about you. And the first thing I thought of when it came to you was not sex, it was not kissing you. It was making you happy, it was how good I felt around you. Why would you cry for that?"

"Because you seem to forget that I was there, Niall. I saw you with these girls. I cried myself to sleep because I desperately wanted to be in their shoes. My first kiss was with a guy at school who was harassing me to go out with him and when he kissed me, all I thought about was you. The first time I had sex with Rian I wished it was you. Every single decision in my love life seems to have been related to you. I'm not blaming you, it's all on me, but its still not easy for me."

My eyes roamed on her face and I watched her wipe her tears and sniff a few times before clearing her throat.

"We both need to make efforts. You can't spend all your time asking questions about my past that's gonna hurt you, you know."

"I'll work on that." she whispered. "But you're gonna have to be patient with me."

"Okay."

We remained quiet again for a while, just looking at the lights of the pool shining on the water. I knew I should reach for her hand but I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Remember the first time we got drunk together?" she asked with a chuckle, moving her feet a bit more vigorously and making the water move around her. "You were so cute, and so damn tactile. At some point I was so close to tell you that I loved you that I got scared and hid in the bathroom for half an hour."

I smiled at the memory and chuckled.

"You were so dramatic and I didn't even know!" I let out, making her laugh too. "I don't know how you kept it inside for so long."

"Fear of losing you." she shrugged. "I just looked at you, both of us totally pissed, and I thought 'everyone wants a piece of him but he's with you right now, don't ruin this Olivia'."

"You were cute, you had that really high ponytail. I remember because whenever you'd turn around, your hair would brush against my arm and I was so drunk it made me shiver every time."

My eyes found hers and she was not smiling anymore. Her lips were parted and her eyes were glued to me. I raised my eyebrows and moved my face closer to hers.

"Yes, I remember things. Not the same things you remember, and maybe not for the same reasons, but I do remember things."

Slowly, she pressed her lips together and they curled as she kept looking at me.

"I love you, Niall."

I moved my upper body over hers, forcing her to move down on the hard cement but she didn't complain. I placed both my hands on each side of her chest to hold myself over her and bent down to kiss her.

"I love you too." i answered, moving up to a bit to look at her.

Her eyes traveled on my face until my lips and she licked hers.

"You said you'd make love to me whenever I'd want." she whispered so low i barely heard. "I really want it now."

"It's not really comfortable." I pointed out, the right corner of my lips moving up.

"Then you're gonna have to be extra gentle with me."

I nodded and sat up, immediately reaching for the hem of her sweatpants and she moved her butt up to help me. She brought her feet off the water and placed them on the ground, her knees up, and my eyes roamed between her legs as I let out a low groan. I took my shirt off and didn't even react when it fell in the pool. It made Olivia chuckle and I just moved gently over her, placing myself between her legs.

One of her hands ran on my chest as I pressed myself against her. I felt her grind up slowly against me and bent down to kiss her. I could feel myself get harder with every move of her hips, even if she was barely moving and I let my lips brush on her jaw and down her neck.

"You should keep your shirt on, I don't want your back all scratched."

I brought my mouth back on hers and I noticed her lips curling in a fond but amused smile.

"You don't want to see me completely naked?"

"Don't be silly." I chuckled again, glancing down and noticing her hard nipples through the fabric of her shirt. "I really fucking do. But you don't need to be naked to turn me on."

She smiled more and I moved down on my elbows, moving her head up gently and placing my hands under it to make sure her head wouldn't rub against the cement.

"Are you sure you want to try it here?"

She didn't say anything, she just kept looking at me as her hands moved between us. One of her palms pressed on my cock and I groaned low. She started nibbling on her bottom lip, slowly pulling my pants down and I pushed myself into her. I was surprised at how wet she already was and how easy it was for us to do this, like our bodies just seemed to fit perfectly together.

"I love you."

I bent down again, kissing her as I started thrusting in and out of her so slowly that I could feel everything incredibly well. So well that it brought sensations in me that I hadn't felt before. I felt impatient and my whole body throbbed even more than usual. It was definitely different than what I was used to but I loved it. I could really see all of her facial expressions and ended up letting out a very low curse word when her lips parted and her eyes fluttered close. I watched her as she moved her chin up and I could feel the back of her head rubbing slowly against the palm of my hands, making a mess of her hair. She looked amazing, all fucked beneath me, and it made me realize how much I loved her.

"I love you too." I whispered back. "So much."

"Just me?"

My movements faltered and her eyes opened slowly. I stared at my best friend, laying under me, and I thought of all the things we went through together and all the things we'll go through together too. I thought about our friendship that turned into love, I thought about us when we were young, I thought about everything I missed with her and everything I lived with her, and I could swear I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Yes, only you."

Her hands traveled on my back until my ass and she let out a short whimper as her thighs pressed on my side to keep me close. I could feel my elbows and the back of my hands hurt from rubbing slightly on the cement but it was really the sharp pain in one of my knees that made it worse. I tried to push it out of my thoughts to focus on her and when she arched her back and started shaking, I knew she was cumming.

"Oh god Niall... I.. I'm..."

I tried to keep my movements slow and steady but it was pure torture until I felt an orgasm reach me. I felt it coming and held my breath as my eyes closed and I groaned again as it spread inside me slower than normally. I could feel it until the tip of my fingers and in my toes and when I came down from my high, I blinked a few times.

"I'm literally seeing spots." I let out with a short laugh.

"Me too." she chuckled just as my sight was getting clear again.

I looked at her laying under me and sighed. Now that it was over, I was more aware of the pain and I grimaced. I let myself roll on my back next to her and she moved her upper body over me with a frown.

"You okay? You're not bleeding are you?"

I brought my hands up to look at them and shook my head.

"I'm sorry." she added, raising her nose up. "We should have tried on the grass. Do you need ice or something?"

"And pizza." I pointed out with an exaggerated pain expression, making her laugh.

"Alright i'll bring all that in the living room."

She was about to get up but I put my hand on her thigh to stop her, my fingers brushing gently on her skin.

"Wait." She stopped and turned to me. "These girls, they mean nothing. You need to trust me."

She sent me a sad smile and shrugged a shoulder very slowly. I was tired to fight and I was scared it would ruin things between us.

"I'll try."

---

I was driving the first time I heard 'This Town' on the radio and she was sitting next to me. I didn't know why but I felt incredibly lucky that I was not alone, and even luckier that she was the one with me. Her face illuminated and she let out a short scream, making me smile even more. I parked on the side of the road and she threw herself in my arms awkwardly since we both still had our seat belts on and we looked at each other the whole time it played until the very end.

"This is so fucking good Niall i'm so proud of you!"

I cupped her face and brought her closer a bit roughly, crashing my mouth against her and making her laugh. She grabbed the front of my shirt and deepened the kiss slightly, making me smile through it.

"Fucking hell."

She laughed as we pulled away slightly and smiled more.

"It's a big deal. Your first solo song." she whispered. "And you worked hard for that."

We remained in the car for a while, just flabbergasted by what had happened and a bit ecstatic. I looked at her reacting almost as intensely as me and it made me realize so many things that I just leaned against my seat and sighed. Despite all the fights we had, despite my almost total absence in the past few weeks, despite the fact that we had it hard recently, she was there, she supported me, and she was happy for me.

"A few drinks tonight to celebrate, how's that?" she proposed as I started the car again. "We could invite a few friends?"

"Yea, yea good call!" I let out, glancing at her. "Hey take my phone and go on instagram!"

She frowned a bit but she was still smiling and she did what I was told before looking at me again.

"You want to add something to your story?"she asked as I nodded. "Okay, go ahead!"

"Hello lovers, so we just heard 'This Town' for the first time on the radio a few minutes ago and we went completely crazy!" I just said with a laugh, trying to focus on the road as I passed one of my hands in my hair and shook my head. "Let me just get back home and I'll do a live and answer a few questions!"

She stopped filming and played with my phone for a few seconds before looking at me again.

"That's a very good idea."

With a smile plastered on my face, I parked the car and unlocked the front door before quickly getting my laptop. She put her purse on the couch and I sat next to it right before she disappeared in the kitchen. It took me a few minutes to go live but when I finally was, my smile hadn't faltered not even for a second. I started answering questions, glancing from time to time at Olivia that remained away from the camera. I knew she didn't like to be in the spotlight and that a lot of times, I brought attention to her without meaning to, but the fact that she was still there, in the shadows, to support me, meant the world.

"I was with Liv, it's her you heard on the video." I explained, answering an other question.

I saw my girlfriend grimace when she realized everyone had heard her voice and her probably her laughter when we recorded the small video in the car and my eyes found her again, her expression making me chuckle.

"From the face she's making now, it was clearly not intentional." I pointed out, laughing again.

My eyes caught a comment that made me frown but I tried to ignore it until I saw an other one and I finally closed my eyes, breathing in.

"Okay, i'm normally not the type to give attention to bad mouthing but we're trying to have a nice time and reading shit about my girlfriend is no fun."

I could feel Olivia tense near me as my eyes roamed on the comments.

'No Niall pls stay!!!'

'Ignore them we love her! OTP!'

'Fuck whoever talks shit about her'

'They don't deserve your attention!'

I didn't add anything else but kept on answering questions about an upcoming album, more songs, the process of writing and tour. After over half an hour, I said goodbye and turned my computer off. Olivia had left and I joined her in the kitchen, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. My lips reached her neck and I squeezed her tighter against me.

"Hey, darling." I whispered. I heard her sniff and my heart twitched. "It wasn't that mean. I promise."

I watched her fingers grip the side of the sink more and suddenly felt extremely bad. I shouldn't have commented, that way, she wouldn't know about the mean comments, but when I saw them, I didn't think, I just reacted. It was not like me but reading shit about her made me a bit impulsive and now I regretted it.

"That's what I mean when I say I don't understand why you're dating me." she murmured after swallowing hard. "No one understands why you're dating me."

"People who know nothing about you or our story don't get it, so what?" I just replied, nuzzling her nape. "Fuck them. I know why i'm dating you and i've got a shitton of good reasons."

"Don't tell me you don't doubt us, sometimes, Niall." she shook her head. "Don't tell me it never crosses you mind that you should be dating someone who's in your league. A tall, skinny, gorgeous actress, model, singer... I don't know."

She moved away from me and turned around, her back still facing me. I let my arms fall on each side of my body and sighed a bit loud before rubbing my eyes. I was trying to comfort her but it seemed like nothing i'd do would change anything.

"I'm telling you it's you, okay? I love you!" I argued, getting annoyed again. "I don't get how it's so hard to understand!"

She finally turned to me slowly and I felt a pain at heart when I saw the tears on her red cheeks. I didn't know why it was affecting her that much and I felt like i'd never understand.

"Love is not everything. Contrary to popular belief, love is not all you need." she pointed out, her arms crossed on her chest. She shook her head again and licked her lips as I stayed still, holding my breath. "I don't get why you don't understand how I feel, and I can't seem to explain it. It's useless, Niall. I'm useless."

Without waiting for an answer, she turned around and walked in the hall. I closed my eyes, trying to calm the beating of my heart. I should have ran to her and took her in my arms. I should have tried again to tell her how much she meant to me. I should have begged her to believe me and trust me. Instead, I sat on a chair and sighed loud. I felt defeated and exhausted at the same time. I just wanted us to be happy like we used to be but I didn't know how.

After a good twenty minutes of thinking, I got up and walked to our room, opening the door slowly. She was laying in bed, on her side with her knees up. I took a few steps closer only to realize she was asleep. I put my hands deep in my pockets and stared at her for a few seconds. Her lips were slightly parted and I could hear her breathe a bit louder than usual. I sighed again and found a blanket before putting it over her and bending down.

"You're so much more than you seem to believe." I murmured close to her ear. "I wish I knew how to show you. Maybe i'm the useless one."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #amc #my fanfics #is this chapter even worth it?#is this STORY even worth it #ahh i always doubt myself whenever its time to post a new chapter

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refractedglade · 7 years ago

Note

do all of them. or the odds. or the evens. honestly just do some I'm tired and dont feel like reading through them all :/

this is honestly a lot so it gets a cut. also wow way to abuse the question ask.

1. do you have any recurring dreams? what are they?

only ever had one I think, and that was back in… probably elementary school? I had monthly nightmares thanks to one of the least frightening episodes of Courage the Cowardly Dog, god bless you young me you tried your best

2. what is your favourite kind of fruit?

im torn between grapes and apples

3. sweet or savoury?

savory

4. what is your smallest/pettiest fear?

not even sure what the hell that means uhhhhhhhh

the fear that i am or will be mediocre at video games. it sounds dumb but at this point it’s one of the only quote-unquote skills I have that I can identify and im afraid to lose that

5. what is your least favourite vegetable?

peas

6. what is your favourite art movement?

surrealism I guess? I don’t know much about art movements tbh

7. do you drink milk?

fuck yes i do

8. what was the last line of the last book you read?

“A mob of Surly Thugs are there to greet you.

TO BE EVEN MORE CONTINUED.”

9. do you like bitter food?

not really

10. what is the most significant event in your life so far?

probably one of the several times i’ve moved since that always leads to meeting new people

12. what is your favourite breed of dog or cat?

I love labradors.

13. list your top 5 favourite turtle names.

what

Leonardo

Donatello

Michelangelo

Raphael

and uhhhhhhh

Coco Jumbo

14. what job would you have if you could have it without going through all of the school or experience that is required?

if I didnt have that Id probably get fired very soon for being shit at my job, but lets say public attorney, see how far I get in that bullshit

15. are there any names that you dislike so much that you would dislike the person with the name? what are those names?

no not really

16. what is your favourite letter?

either R or T, they’re both such helpful shortcuts for web browsing

17. are there any instruments you wished you played?

I wish I had continued learning piano when I was younger. I was in the middle of lessons when we moved for the second time and we just never got another teacher.

18. list your best friends.

@verbalmoonwalking and honestly even though we haven’t talked much in forever @wombathills

19. would you rather be a skeleton or a ghost?

a ghost, way more opportunities and less of a hassle (imagine trying to navigate through the world as reanimated bones)

also there’s already some people i’ve promised to haunt

20. do you prefer fish or lizards/snakes? (as pets)

i dont have much experience with lizards or snakes (although I did have an anole for a year or so). i guess fish, they’re just so incredibly low-maintenance

21. art or music?

weird way to phrase that considering music is art but music

22. what is your favourite type of flower?

unfortunately Ive never learned much about flowers, but I do really like when they’re blue

23. soup or salad?

souuuuup

24. are you good at keeping plants alive?

surprisingly yes! I’ve had two plants growing since late winter/early spring I think

25. do animals tend to like you?

heck yeaaaah

26. what is the worst book you’ve ever read?

the Book of Leviticus

there’s not really a good answer to this, if a book is terrible I either never got far enough to remember or read it for a school assignment and promptly forgot about it

27. do you collect anything?

too many thing, and most of them only for short periods of time. the only consistent collection i have is my Halley Labs music collection

28. how many pillows do you sleep with?

right now just two, used to be three

29. whats the latest you’ve ever woken up?

5 in the evening i think? I forget details since its been a few years, but after an all-nighter I pulled during my first finals of college I passed out at around 6 pm and woke up almost a full day later

no wait addendum: i think like 1-3 in the morning because of falling asleep around 8-11 am.

30. how many pictures are on your walls?

my room has… a painting and a poster

31. what age did you stop keeping stuffed animals on your bed?

honestly? i didn’t

32. what is your favourite candy?

Butterfinger, or if in moderation Twizzlers

33. what is your favourite baked good?

its not the real answer but a vivid image of a steaming baked potato keeps appearing in my head

actually the more i think about it the better that sounds, like its plain but theres a lot of room for customization there

34. do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

yeah, i actually sort of inherited it recently from my late grandfather, though I haven’t actually,,, used it yet.

35. do you wear jewelry?

nope, used to wear a fidget ring a lot but who knows where that went. if i ever find a really cool necklace I’ll probably start wearing that all the time though.

36. sunrise or sunset?

sunset, sunrises are pretty but its a pain in the ass waking up the early

also seeing something like that in the evening is just a better state of mind imo

37. do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

depends on both the music and my mood, generally at this point no headphones though just because when i listen to music its while driving

38. what was your favourite show as a child?

I had a weird sense of almost reverence for Digimon as a kid. My mom had forbidden me from watching Pokemon, and I only ever saw like 3 episode of DIgimon once by accident because a day care had their cassette tape. I barely saw any of it but I loved it.

Season 3 aka DIgimon Tamers is still a solid series, and I still vividly remember watching season 4 on TV when I was slightly older and finding it weird but cool (4 was where they could actually like combine with their digimon)

39. describe your favourite spot in your house.

im the basement goblin so the couch down there is for all intents and purposes mine. also its right next to the room with the heater so hell yeah.

40. do you like to be warm or cold?

I like to be in slightly cold environments so I can be the kind of warm that isn’t just warm but warmed up, like the feeling of being warm when things are cold is very good.

41. the best joke you have.

i think the best jokes i ever did done was editing like 20 different photos of a friend of mine into dumb joke images

one was his face on a tube of laundry soap with some dumb caption along the lines of “ah, this is my life now”

42. whats the weirdest thing that you’ve seen happen in a public place?

first thing that comes to mind is a futon frame on the side of a highway. now let me clarify:

-it was sitting upright, not like it had been tossed aside

-it was on the INSIDE side, not the outside

-no mattress in sight

just… there.

43. CD or digital?

CD, I’ve been conditioned to love owning physical copies of stuff. On that note, also cassette.

44. who do you miss right now?

good friends, my dog, my will to live….

45. if you could combine two places in the world, which two places would you choose?

if by world you meant universe, lets combine earth with some other planet and see what the fuck happens

if you meant earth then Michigan and Ohio, that’d make some shit way more convenient for me

46. describe the worst substitute teacher you’ve ever had.

one of my high school english teachers went on maternity leave, and so we had a sub for about ¾ of the school year. i forget a lot of why the class hated her but a lot of it just came down to she was not good at teaching, and we had to deal with that for almost a whole year.

47. do you believe horoscopes?

short answer is no. less short answer is that while I don’t really believe anything like that, i still enjoy looking at and considering them, especially when they’re in shitpost format.

my sister came back from a mission trip to Africa a while ago and brought me back a small gift she got overseas, a pair of small handmade dice. i’ve developed a habit where on some mornings I’ll roll them before my day starts to see how high I roll, and sometimes interpret that as what the day might be like. do i believe it? not especially. but I almost sort of pretend to believe it. that’s sort of how i treat horoscopes, except even a little less than that.

48. are you spiritual?

49. describe your pets ( or family if you dont have pets )

we had an extremely good dog named Zeus for a long time. yellow lab, energetic as hell in his youth and even in his old age. started having pain in his legs as he got older and eventually we had to put him down a year or so back.

he’s honestly part of the reason im not sure about getting pets in the future, i dont know if I want to go through that again.

50. are you good at getting over mistakes?

I guess? I mean I’m good at getting over that post-”I fucked up” anxiety for sure, that’s a skill I learned in college within like a year. After a bad test or something I just started forcing myself to say “fuck it it’s over can’t change anything now.”

#asks #saltierthanpearl

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whyldkratts · 7 years ago

Note

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

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unknownkoko · 7 years ago

Text

September 23, 2017

364 days ago, you broke my heart. You took away my soul, my joy, my trust, my life. I was helpless, hopeless, alone. I went to my best friends debut. Kept myself together for her speech, for her dance, and went downstairs and drank as i drowned in my tears. You were at a party with her. You said you were with Jerome. The next day I went to work scrubbed for the first time. I cried for an hour. I got sent home. Days passed. You were supposed to come over at 1. It was a beautiful day. It was so warm and sunny. I woke up early to get ready. Made myself look presentable, hair, makeup, positive attitude. Passport ready in hand because we always talked about a day trip we would still go on even if we werent together. 3 hours passed. All you said was “Im busy.” I was outraged. Your parents let me in. They fed me. Turon and Munchies with Pineapple juice. My first meal of the day at 4pm. 8pm. You came home with her so she waited in the car. I left your house and tapped on her window seat. “Take care of him for me.” I smiled. I walked away. As i turned the corner I gasped for air and broke out in tears. For the first three weeks, I tried. I tried to win back your love. I gave myself to you. I gave you every second of my day that was free of yours. I did whatever it took. I didn’t want to lose you, but I didn’t know you already asked her to be yours. For days, you would come over for hours, laying side by side, often skin to skin and we would just laugh, and just be us again. And then you would leave. I would close the door and take in a quick yet deep breath as though I just submerged for the water before drowning to death. Then I would run up to my room. And cry as I watched you leave. Hoping you would get out of your car and come back. Every. Single. Time. Each time that you agreed to be with me, I tried to stay hopeful, I tried to have faith. You took her to all the places we went together and to others that I’ve always begged or wished to do but you said no. I was torn. October. You were all I could think about during practice. I couldn’t focus. I’d pretend I was playing in a real game and I’d glance over to the stands imagining you there watching me. First game of the season, you couldn’t make home opener. I didn’t see you as often but you continued to see me. November. Meghan has her debut. We went together but sat apart. We sat in your car for hours crying. You walked me to my doorstep at 230am. “I don’t know if I really love her. I don’t know if its just infatuation. I still want to be with you but its too late.” Words you continued to tell me. Words I continued to believe. You left at 4;30. “I was hoping you wouldve came back.” December, you posted pictures. You took her to places we went every year. I broke. I lost sleep, I lost hope, I lost motivation. I failed my finals. I failed my first course. January. The first two weeks, wake up, school, nap, practice, go home, blaze or drink until it felt it, cry, sleep for 2 hours, repeat. It was rough. I didn't want to go home because the moment I entered my bedroom, it felt like a cell. I felt trapped. I felt alone. I felt cold. I felt like the world was against me. All the negativity just kept pouring in. All the doubt. All the insecurities. Nothing seemed to go well. I’d be excited to go to school knowing I could sleep after my 8:30 class before my 12:30 class. I no longer went home after my 8:30 classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays before my 6:30 classes because I knew my thoughts would destroy me and affect my performance. Basketball was the only escape I had left. You were in every song, every quote, every photo, every street. I didn’t know where else to turn. February. Happy Birthday. Happy Valentines day. You told me she wasn't spending it with you. It was a family day. A special day. I was naive. Of course, she was there. It was a special day. I didn’t want to greet you. But I told myself if I did, it would be at 11:59. I wanted to be the last one to greet you. You called me out. So I greeted you. March. My birthday was coming up. You wanted to take me to Seattle and you told me a week before my birthday. You asked me to cancel my birthday dinner. You asked me to free my day. A day that I had already filled with plans. But because you booked it off for me, you asked me to cancel. I almost did. I almost went through with it. I prolonged the details for my dinner because I really wanted to go. She found out so she blew up on me pretending to be you. Two days later you give me a call while I was at work. “How could you? How could you do this to me? I could lose everything now because of you.” I cried. I finished my shift two hours later. I made plans for my birthday dinner the following night. St. Patricks day. Ashley and Dezeree threw a party. They wanted to celebrate my birthday too. His friends were there. I was okay with it. Then he showed up. “I was dropping off my friend and I was going to leave.” You knew he wasnt on the list. You knew there was a list. You knew there was no chance. The party got shut down. I drank. I smoked. I was going to stay the night. All you said to me was “How the fuck are you supposed to get home. Why would you do something so idiotic as this.” Your friends told you to leave me alone because it was 20 minutes before my birthday. Your friends drove my car, your other friends called me from the other car to greet me at midnight. We parked. You were the only one that got out of the car. You didn’t gesture or say a word. I walked away. April and May I met him. The guy that distracted me. A guy I saw potential In. June. He’s no longer around. June Happy 4 years. I went to the Amsterdam Cafe that day. He told me he was getting back together with his ex. I continued to smoke another gram. You didnt say a word. We finally burned the box. We burned any physical evidence of us. You asked to keep your cut off for sentimental value. She wore it the next day June. I was getting ready for my mission trip, No more checking up on your snap every day. No more letting myself feel pain through my 16x8 cm screen. I just loved seeing you happy. July. I have never felt so refreshed in my life. I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to leave everything behind. I wanted to stay. I learned how to be content with nature, with myself, with life itself. August. Every day was something new. A new adventure. A new experience. A new story to tell. A new beginning. September. I love myself again. I haven’t really spoken to you since June. I just wanted to have lunch. I wanted to tell you about my summer. I wanted to tell you about my problems. I wanted to tell you about how I found myself again. You finally wanted to fix things between us. We made plans. You canceled. I was buzzed. I got upset. I drove home. 4:12AM I end this post.

364 days ago.

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c-rankin93 · 8 years ago

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CHANCE MEETING PART 1 & 2

Hi guys! For the last month I have been editing my old fic's, and have posted them on wattpad. (The link to that is on my tumblr page) I've decided to put a few one shots together that have been edited. Here is the first one... hope you like it! ❤❤ P.s I'm not tagging because I don't know if anyone wants to be tagged in these because they are old fic's :) ** A/N: Finn is an up and coming actor (like nico. I also love his style so I went with that too). He bumps into a young women who isn’t swooned by him and he becomes in captivated by her. This is set in modern times around 2013. ** “Oh shit… I’m so sorry I still don’t know how to use my bloody feet even after 22 years” The young women huffed whilst she bent down picking up the condense of what had spilled out of her handbag. She had been to busy replying to emails as she walked through the streets of London, whilst doing so she failed to see the dense crack in the pavement causing her to trip and land into some strangers arms. She still hadn’t dared to look up to see who she had bumped into allowing her raven hair to cover her face. Notably she was embarrassed over the incident, but more then anything she just wanted to leave the scene of the crime. She noticed movement from the corner of her eye to see the stranger was now bent down next to her helping her collect her belongings. Turning her head she took a glimpse at the strangers face, her mouth dried up taking in the georgous features of the fit young man smiling back at her. “No really it’s fine” he replied; passing her some pens and a make-up brush. He was dressed in fitted grey skinny leg jeans, a oversized red and white knitted sweater that was rolled up to his elbows and black combat boots. His sweet face looked recognisable, but she didnt know how. She had only moved to London 3 weeks ago; plus she didn't socialise with anyone besides her two friends. She studied him for for a few seconds more before the light bulb in her head went off. “Are you that actor from that show… Ahh what is it…” She ran her her fingers through her soft hair removing it away from her face as she concentrated. They remained squatted in front of her handbag on a busy London street, but they both didn’t care. He let out a small laugh and his smile radiated towards her more, it was almost blinding. “If your thinking of the TV show ‘common’ then yes that’s me” he said shyly. “Your name is Finn right, Finn Nelson?” She questioned rising slowly to a standing position. They still had their eyes lock onto each other, the world around them was just a blur for now. They were both brought out of their gaze by an awkward clearing of a throat. Quickly they switched their attention to another young lad about their age pushing his glasses back. “Yup that’s me, and this is Archie… And you are?" Finn asked polietly extended his hand to shake hers. "Oh right, my name is Rae… Rae as in Rachel not Raymond before you get all cocky and ask” she joked and they all started to laugh. She shook his hand and waved to Archie who was standing slightly behind Finn. She was actually grateful she decided to look decent today, she quickly appraised her outfit as she straightened out her clothes slightly. She wore her sky blue skinny leg jeans with faux rips around the knees, her lemon blouse that hugged her curves especially her large breasts (who she caught him looking at a few times), white cardigan and white flats. She let her hair fall freely and had a light dusting of makeup. She usually never dressed like this usually, preferring to chose comfort over style. But today she was on the way to meet her best friend Chloe at a fancy cafe, so she didn’t think it was appropriate to turn up in her sweats and band T. “Nice to meet you Rae as in Rachel” he laughed at her cheekiness. “Well since my little sister is such a big fan of the show would it be ok if I got a photo with you, ya know to rub it in a little?” She asked biting the corner of her lower lip, causing him to gulp. “Yeah, yeah of course not a problem” he gestured his arms towards himself, whilst she fumbled around in her handbag looking for her phone. She clicked into her camera as he put his arm around her shoulders. They exchanged a small smile before the phone was raised to take a selfie together. “Thank you heaps, I better let you lads go… Nice to meet you both. And Finn sorry for the run in” she waved goodbye to both of them and hurried off in the opposite direction. Finn turned to watch her get lost in the crowd before turning his attention back to Archie. He wished he had of gotten the chance to say goodbye before she left, instead of giving her a dopey smile. “Well that was a first” Archie said slapping Finn on the back. Both continued to walk the familiar street back to the apartment they shared. “What do ya mean?” “Well that was the first lass not dropping her panties over you…” Archie joked. “Yeah. I guess so, it was nice I guess". "she was very curvy..” Archie gestured his hands like he was mimicking her silhouette. “And very beautiful” he finished. “Ya know Arch for a gay man you like a women’s body. And yes she was very beautiful… Very beautiful” blush rose on his cheeks when saw Archie smirking at him. “Come on mate we have to get ready for tonight.. Chop is dragging us out to the club tonight” Archie moaned picking up the pace so they could arrive home earlier. —— Rae finally arrived home around 5pm that day after being dragged shopping with Chloe after their lunch date at the cafe. She was exhausted. Crashing down on her settee, she decided to look through her phone and came across the photo of her and Finn. She smiled at decided to upload it to her twitter account, she started to follow him over a year ago not thinking much of it. @raeraeearl so I nearly fell flat on my face today, but I got a photo with this lad out of it though @realfinnnelson #totherescue Rae giggled as she uploaded the photo, placing her phone on the coffee table so she could make herself a strong tea in the kitchen. She came back to the settee and switched on the TV looking for something to watch before she had to get ready for the night out with the girls. She was not in the mood to party but she promised izzy and Chloe weeks ago that she would be there. Her phone buzzed and she looked at her notifications. @realfinnnelson is following you! @realfinnnelson retweeted you! @realfinnnelson @raeraeearl anytime girl! Nice meeting you. Another time maybe :’) #chancemeeting Rae’s face went bright red as she re-read her notifications over and over. Before she couldn’t reply she glanced up at her clock. “Shit I have to get ready” she murmured to herself before dashing off to the bathroom. —— “Chop what is this place?” Finn complained as they walked into the club. Finn was never one for big night clubs and would rather head to the local pub for a pint of two. The music was loud and the lights could cause an epileptic fit to anyone at anytime. “Oh Finny boy live a little look at all the lasses around here” he shouted trying to be heard over the music. Finn didn’t care about girls, they just threw themselves at him for his name and what he looks like… They never lasted more then one date, so he decided that being single was best. Well that was until he bumped into a certain lass... “Yeah whatever Chop lets just get a pint at the bar aye” he said in Chop's ear as they started walking through the masses of people dancing. After ordering a round of pints they grabbed a table near the dance floor and glanced around watching bodies jump around. Finn was busy looking at his pint when he felt Archie nudge him. “Isn’t that Rae” Archie yelled at Finn before cocking his head towards the dancefloor. Finn's head shot up and he started to look around until his eyes fell on a dancing raven haired beauty. Her arms were flowing freely in the air and her hair was floating down her back, her black mini dress and black stockings shone against the lights. Finn was mesmerised just watching her dance so freely. “Who’s Rae? And is that her in the black?” Chop asked, Finn nodded leaving Archie fill in the blanks. “A lass that bumped into us today, she was dead nice and I think Finny boy may have a crush. Heard him giggling to himself looking at his phone today after she upload a photo of them. Giggly git” Archie laughed and Finn swung his arm to connect with Archie to shut him up. “Well go talk to her ya dickhead look at those fucking assets” Chop pretending to jiggle fake books in front of his chest. “And plus that red head next to her is a little minx so I might chat to her” he continued before getting out of the seat and walking towards the girls. Finn quickly followed him, because knowing chop he would embarrass the shit out of him. “Hiya ladies. Care for some company?” Chop asked the girls. “Finn..” Rae gasped when she saw Finn walk up behind his friend; looking sexy as hell. “Hiya Rae” he lent over to her ear so she could hear him over the bass. “Wanna get a drink with me girl?” She smiled nodding and reached out for his hand which he offered her. She turned to Izzy and Chloe telling them she would see them later. Izzy giggled and waved her off turning her attention to Chop and Chloe stood there dumbfounded. —– Finn and Rae spent the next hour chatting away in a private booth far away from the dancefloor. They felt like they were in there own little world, they barley noticed the flock of girls that kept walking upto them, instead they chose to ignore all outsiders. Rae looked at her watch as it was nearing midnight and she could barely stay awake much longer. “I had fun with you tonight Finn, but I’m really needing to head home. I’m exhausted” she yawned. “Of course I’ll get you a taxi… Rae?” He asked nervously. “Yeah?” “Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night?” As soon as he ask the question her eyes lit up and a wide smile reached across her face. His nerves turned into butterfly’s as he reached out and grabbed her hand. It was something about this moment that had Finn lost in every expression that crossed her face. She was the only women he could see. “I’d love to” ** THE DATE: PART 2 Seven o'clock was nearing; the anticipation of the date was driving Rae crazy. It had been over two years since she last dated, mind you he was a curly haired git who only got a kick out of telling Rae she could do no better. She had dated Liam just over 4 months before kicking him to the curb, having finally had enough of his poor attempts to knock her down a brick or two. She had come a long way since her college days, the bullying, and the running away from her problems. Sure, she still had some insecurities from time to time about the way she looks, but so does any 22 year old women living in London. Before leaving the club Finn had passed her his phone asking if he could get her number promising to message her in the morning with a time and a place to meet. Rae had awoken that morning to a message that was sent just past 7am in the morning. Unknown: hiya Rae it’s Finn here. Just messaging you about our date tonight, how does 7pm sound? Message me when you wake up ;) x She had turned in bed to Squint at the alarm clock next to her to read that it was now going on 10am. She frantically started typing, feeling bad about having replied so late. Rae: sorry! Just woke up! 7pm sounds great. Where would you like to meet? :) x She sighed, hitting the send button she nuzzled more into her pillow. Not even caring that she let her phone drop off the side of the bed. Her eyes fluttering closed as the smile grew on her face; her thoughts went back to the night that she had just spent with him. Their amazing banter, his shy looks every time she smiled. Everything about last night seemed too good to be true, that if she pinched herself she would realise it was all a dream. In reality, this was all happening to her, the chubby, tall lass with a personality of a clown. Her phone pinged and her sleepy eyes opened at lightning speed, she grabbed her phone off yhe floor and clicked on the unopened message. Finn: Great! How about a quiet little bar on the outskirts of London? I’ll pick you up from your place if you send me your address. Can’t wait :) x She waited a few minutes before replying with her address and a wink face, not wanting to sound as eager as she was. There messages flowed back and forth throughout the day, keeping the conversation light. She learnt little bit about what he does during the day when he isn’t on set, which isn’t very often. She was rejoiced to learn that he would much rather spend his time in dainty little record shops then posh bars, music was his second love after his acting of course. Rae was now standing in front of her open wardrobe assessing her miserable excuse of clothing. 80 per cent was filled witg raggedy old band tee’s that she so desperately loved and could never- (no matter how much Chloe nagged her) part with. Rae looked through the small collection if dresses she had whilst clicking her tongue against the top of her mouth. She huffed when she realised that she had spent 10 minutes appraising her four dresses when she never planned on wearing any of them, she was just going to a pub after all. A quiet little pub that had probably never seen the likes of a pair of women’s legs in the years that it had been open, she needed a more casual look. She flipped through her jeans pulling out a pair of black skinny legged ones that she had brought whilst shopping with Chloe yesterday. Then she scurried towards her set of drawers pulling out the first presentable blouse she could find, a sheer navy sleeveless button up she forgot she had. She paired it with a white singlet and navy ballet flats. Her hair was straightened and clipped to one side, her makeup fresh with a hint of Smokey eye which she had picked up from a YouTube clip she saw weeks ago. It was now 7pm, she was applying the final touch of lip gloss and giving herself a once over in the mirror. She wasn’t dressed to the nines and loved her choice about keeping it more casual. As she was slipping on her shoes there was a knock at the door. Her nerves started to get the best of her, her hands were slightly shaking uncontrollably. She knew what was waiting for her on the other side of the door, a god like man with an incredible northern accent. She opens the door and brushes down the front of her blouse turning her eyes to Finn. The smile on his face could not be missed as he stood leaning against the door frame with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets. “Wow” they both breathed in unison, and laughing when they realised what they did. Finn was dressed in fitted dark blue jeans, a plain white tee paired with a light blue jean jacket. His shaggy brown locks styled into a quiff enhancing his incredible facial features, he could melt the polar ice caps with a single look if he tried. “Ready?” He grinned taking her in one more time. “Yup, just a minute” she said holding up a finger before she dashed over to her settee grabbing her leather jacket and clutch. She shrugged on her jacket as she walked back towards the door, glancing at herself in the mirror by the door as she headed out. As soon as the apartment was locked and they stepped out onto the landing Finn grabbed her hand into his, Rae’s mouth going instantly dry as she stared silently at this romantic gesture. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and headed down the steps towards the door, Rae’s eyes never leaving their conjoined hands. - The 30 minute drive to the local was filled with comfortable silence; small talk was made but both wanting to save most of it for when they arrived, plus they both quite enjoyed the sound of the stone roses lightly playing through the speakers. It was a quaint little pub just west of Kent, the building looked like it was barely keeping together with its rustic centuries old brick and timber framing. The front was dimly lit and she could faintly hear the sounds of the sign swinging as the wind picked up. Finn sat next to her nervously chewing at his thumb nail as he watched her eyes look over the pub. She turned to Finn with an enthusiastic expression that was contagious, and they were both instantly laughing. “Alright?” He questioned, still having doubts he made a mistake about bringing her here. Maybe she was classier to what she led on? “It’s perfect, I couldn’t have picked a better place” Rae hummed in pleasure whilst she unbuckled her seat belt. Finn made quick use of his and hurried around the passenger’s side of the car so he could open the door for her. She smiled and thanked him as once more her palm rested in his, neither of them willing to let go of the other. “Come on, the pints are cheap and the old men are cheaper” he joked nudging his arm with hers. She followed his through the open front door; the decor was no different to the outside. Old drum tables lined the walls with stools scattered around them, there were smaller square tables littering the middle section of the room in front of the oversized bar, the only thing relatively modern was the 90’s style juke box to the left of the room just before the toilets. Men no younger than 60 gathered around the room talking amongst each other, not even bothering to make any eye contact with her and Finn. She was completely mesmerised by the atmosphere from the moment she walked in, it was everything she hoped it would be and more. They were weaving their way through the pub making sure not to interrupt any of the other patrons. Rae noticed the bar was reasonably empty, there wasn’t even staff waiting to serve them. Finn reached over the bar and rang a small bell hidden away, he turned to her smiling once he noticed her face of confusion. A small round lady hobbled out from a door around the back, Rae could tell her mood was glum as she made her way towards them. The lady wiped her floury hands on her rose covered apron mumbling her profanities under her breath, but once she looked up her mood instantly changed as her eyes locked on to Finns. “Finnley my boy” she cooed, walking out from behind the bar extending her arms out towards Finn. “Mrs Dewhurst, how are you?” Finn asked pulling out of the hug and reconnecting his hand with Rae’s. “Better now my handsome boy has come to see me! You should have told me you were coming in earlier. I would have made sure I was in the front” she fussed before turning towards Rae. “Now who’s this beautiful young lass on your arm”. “This is Rae, Rae this is the sensational Barbra Dewhurst” Finn grinned turning towards Rae who was extending her arm out to the little old lady to shake her hand. “Oh none of that dear. Give us a hug” she said shuffling towards Rae and wrapping her arms around her shoulders. At first Rae tensed up, she had never been a fan of strangers hugging her but something about this lady made Rae melt. “Now off you youngsters go and have fun, I’ve got a barman to hunt down” she said shewing them away with her hands but laughing at the same time. “DAAAAAVVVVVIIIIDDDDDDD” she called as she waddled around to the other side of the bar. "Where are we going?” Rae asked turning towards Finn. “You’ll see” Finn pulled her towards the back entrance which was situated next to the toilets. Before pushing through the door Finn paused letting go of Rae’s hand. The sudden loss of contact made Rae instantly mourn for his touch, but he had other ideas in mind. He stood behind her placing his nimble fingers over her eyes blocking her vision; Rae quickly moved her arms out in front of her as they shuffled forward slowly. Her hands were now flat against the door; she felt a tingle run down the back of her neck as Finn learned in to whisper in her ear. “Now just push” he whispered brushed his bottom lip against her ear as was pulling away. Rae nodded and proceeded to push the door until she felt a mild breeze whisk against her face. She kept moving as Finn did, until she noticed he paused. Finn slowly removed his hands from her face, and Rae’s eyes fluttered open. She took a sudden intake of breath as soon as her vision cleared. They were surrounded by a least a thousand fairy lights dangling from the trees and fence. A large checkered blanket laid in the centre with a pinic basket placed in the middle. Her eyes kept dancing around the scene before her, noticing the rose petals scattered over the grass. She turned to Finn, tears of joy stinging her eyes and before she knew what she was doing she was throwing her arms around his neck nuzzling her head into the crook. Finns arms instantly wrapped around her waist holding her tightly. “Is this ok?” He mumbled into her shoulder and pulling away but keeping his arms around her waist. “Are you kidding me?” Rae scoffed jokingly. “Nobody and I repeat, nobody has ever done anything like this for me before” she emphasised grinning profusely. “Come on let’s sit” he gestured towards the blanket. They moved towards the blanket, sitting down as close as they could together without touching. Finn opened the basket and turned to Rae and spoke. “Now something tells me that you aren’t a wine and cheese sort of girl” Finn pulled two cans of fosters out of the basket passing one over to Rae. “Defiantly not” she chuckled grabbing the can off Finn with thanks. She tapped the top of the can a few times and cracked it away from her clothes in case of any spillage. “I do prefer a good beer before my lips touch any sort of crap wine” they both laughed clinking the tin together. “So how do you know Mrs Dewhurst?” Rae asked quizativley raising an eye brow. Finn took a lengthy swig of his beer before replying. “Long story short, that women raised me. I grew up in this very garden. You see when I was 4 my mother left me dad and I” “Aw Finn I’m so sorry” Rae said laying a hand flat on his thigh. “It’s ok, I’m ok. But once she left us we were left with less of an income and my dad had to work a lot more hours to keep a roof over our heads. Mrs Dewhurst lived down the street and kindly volunteered to look after me whilst my dad worked. So for 9 years I was at this very bar 6 days a week helping out or colouring in, or even putting on a talent show for the oldies until I was old enough to fend for myself. Archie use to live only two streets away, he would pop over and join the festivities we had here. She’s a really special woman. She will always have a place in my heart, she even calls me her superstar when people ask if she knows me” he chuckled shaking his head. Over the next few hours were spent deep in conversation sipping on their cans and eating crisps straight from the packet, nothing about this date was fancy but he made it special. They talked about their pasts, Rae opened up about Liam and school. The conversation moved onto lighter subjects revolving around family, friends and Finn acting career. Rae was completely and utterly engrossed by Finns voice, the lingering touches, the solid eye contact that he kept. Nothing was unspoken. “I’ve had a really great time” Rae spoke looking up at his face through her eyelashes. “I’m glad you asked me out on this date”. “I’m glad you chose to come with me” he smiled brushing his fingertips along her cheek cause Rae to be completely lost in this moment. “You intrigue me Rae” he said shyly, he kept his hand lingering in the same spot on her cheek a moment longer then necessary before removing it. “Why?” “Because your you. You’re honest and open, and you don’t care that im an actor. You’re just generally interested in my personality”. Rae looked down briefly smiling to herself, this was the nicest that any male has ever been towards her. She was chuffed really; it made her insides turn to goo. “Well you are pretty amazing” Rae laughed lightly regaining her eye contact with him. He seemed to be closer than what he was just moments ago, their bodies were now directly facing each other only a mere few inches between them. Finn brushed a lock of her hair out of her face that had fallen, and tucked in behind her ear causing her to blush profusely. “Your beautiful Rae” He inched even more closely, extending his head so far forward that he had to use a hand on the ground to keep him balanced. “Can I- Can I kiss you?” the words stumbled from his mouth and now it was his turn to blush bright red. Rae took a small gasp of air and nodded her head twice. Finn captured her lips with his, the kiss sweet and playful but at the same time the passion ran strong between them. It felt like they had been doing this for years, the unison of their movements, the longing for more, it all came naturally to them. His tongue swept across her bottom lip begging for entry which she reciprocated almost instantly as she opened her mouth allowing him in. Their tongues danced together in a singular movement, their heads tilting opposite ways as they changed positions. Finns hand reached out to cup her cheek as Rae pulled his body closer by his tee; it was a supercharged moment igniting a fire between them. They slowly pulled apart but kept foreheads resting together as they attempted to catch their breaths. “Wow” They both breathed and laughed almost instantly over another mimicked expression. “I don’t want this night to end” Rae sighed pulled away slightly to sit up more straighter, but kept the closeness. “It doesn’t have to end if you don’t want it too, ive got all night to spend with you if you’ll have me” Rae nodded and once again took his lips to be against hers. Little did they know in that very moment this would be the first of many moments spend together, being complete aroused by one and other, shutting themselves off from the world just so they could have a moment. 3 years later... "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride..." ** IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED IN OTHER EDITED OLD FIC'S THEN PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TELL ME :) @mmfdfanfic

#fanfic #MMFD #my mad fat fandom #my mad fat diary #Finn #Rae #fiction #my fic #two part

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