#lets just pretend this isnt from last year

[fatuismooches]

i like to think that childe would show [name] (fragile!reader) how he fights. he's showing off a little, yes, but he really just wants some praise for once. so you're the first person he could think of near the palace. and you could also tell him about how you fought when you could back then, and he'd maybe try to do it. why you ask, well...

1, he can learn new fighting styles and stuff, and he always wants to be better (clearly)

2, he heard from pulcenelli that reliving old memories can help if you feel sad, in pain or stressed, so he thought it could help you a little, and get that emotion out yk.

3, you get a distraction from your illness, so maybe the pain doesnt feel as bad, if just for a little. which is always a plus.

oh and dont forget to tell dottore that he isnt trying to steal you away from him, he cant exactly hurt the other harbingers without consent, so the agents will have to be the stress relief for that (and i dont think sweets can calm down smt on that level)

-luv ya

Initially, after Dottore found out about Childe's unwelcome visits to your room, the Eleventh stayed away for a bit only because he feared getting on worse terms with the Second. He did feel bad about leaving you, but with lots of persistence, you were able to reinstate his visiting privileges! (Just don't let the segments interrupt you two. The atmosphere gets really stuffy...)

Childe didn't trust you at first, probably still has some reservations still considering you're with Dottore, but finds your personality and demeanor refreshing. You're quite open and honest with him which is a stark difference compared to his co-workers, just what he likes. So whenever you're nice to him, he knows you're being genuine, and well... he enjoys the company.

You're the one who probably told him the stories of how you fought back then in the Akademiya, how you used to protect Dottore from malfunctioning Ruin Machines to Treasure Hoarders alike. Needless to say Childe is fascinated and most definitely wants to fight you, but for obvious reasons neither of you can. He's also asked you if Dottore or his clones would be willing to duel with him. For his sake, you always decline.

Instead, he settles with showing you his moves, which is entertaining for both of you. In the beginning, you just give him lots of tips from your experience, but when he continues to stick around you can figure out he's trying to distract you from your illness pretty easily. You're grateful, the segments are jealous that some ginger is stealing your attention, but they can't do anything.

Of course, if Dottore had it his way, he would have it so that Tartaglia wouldn't appear six feet near you, but seeing how happy you are to see this... 'friend' of yours, well, at the end of the day he's secretly just a man who succumbs to your silly wishes despite his protesting.

[ableedingpromise]

God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????

[crunchycrystals]

almost wrote my age as two years younger than i actually am

[joostsblog]

i loved to be desired sm omg. Could i request a joost x reader where reader is partying with joost and friends. they meet ski aggu and are chilling and they tell ski that they are super into joost but joost isnt into them and they are sad about it. The ski aggu makes it his mission to make joost jealous to get them together and there is a lil angst but reader and joost end up together and making out.

loved writing this request!! i love shy!joost in this, hope you enjoy!!❣️❣️

is this as good as it gets? ~ joost klein one shot

My masterlist here ✨💌

Pairing: Joost Klein x female!reader (also Ski Aggu x reader if you squint ig)

Description: When you almost lose all your hope getting with Joost, Aggu proposes an interesting idea to get the two of you together.

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: title and also vibe inspired by as good as it gets by fizz so i highly rec giving that song a listen! again, you can still send in requests 💌

Warnings: consumption of alcohol and cigarettes, not proofread

You should write Mel a thank you note, really. For one because she always lets you crash at her place whenever you visit Berlin (which happens to be very frequently, actually) but also for tagging along to her party nights with her Berlin friends which also include the famous German rapper Ski Aggu and his dutch friend Joost who you couldn't seem to keep your eyes from. Ever since you first met last time you were in Berlin (which was only three weeks ago) you were crushing on the man - hard. And suddenly you were pretending you knew more about music than you actually did just so you could try to hold a conversation with Joost. And you stepped out one time too many to smoke a cigarette with him when you usually smoked maybe two cigarettes within one year. And overthinking whatever you should wear to go out with Mel and all her friends without even knowing if Joost was gonna be there that evening as well.

And when you decided to visit Mel again just three weeks after having been the last time ("Already?"), maybe Joost was a deciding factor as well. You didn't even know if he was gonna be in Berlin around the same time as well but you were in luck when you and Mel walked into the bar and you could see Joost's figure sitting beside Aggu. You tried to play it cool as you greeted everyone and finally got to Joost.

"So nice to see you again," you said earnestly as you both hugged.

"Likewise," Joost said and gently rubbed your back. You hoped that he wasn't just being polite and actually remembered you.

You were also in luck when there was a free spot beside Joost which you could take as you tried to casually open a conversation with him, talking about whatever the two of you had been up to in the last few weeks. You talked about his hometown, your hometown, why you were visiting Berlin so often and how you were thinking of moving here. You could tell that Joost was taking interest in the conversation and by extension you, but it wasn't enough for you. You knew that you wanted Joost in other ways and you wondered how and if you could persuade him of you.

"I'm getting a new drink," you announced. "Does anybody want anything?" you asked and hoped Joost would say something or offer to come with you to the bar.

"Actually, I'll go with you," Ski Aggu offered instead.

"Alright," you smiled and you two headed off to the bar.

The bar was incredibly crowded and you could already tell that you would have to wait a while until the bartender would get around to take your orders. You leaned against the counter.

"So, does Joost visit here often?" you asked and immediately regretted it as it came out way too obsessively as you had intended to. Aggu laughed.

"Why do you want to know?" he asked amused.

"I don't know, just because I don't live here as well," you tried to casually explain.

"Yeah, well, he's working on new music currently, so he comes here a lot," Aggu said and paused as he seemed to contemplate for a moment. "Joost is cute, right?" he tested you. Blood rushed to your head.

"I suppose," you shrugged nonchalantly.

"Nah, come on, he's very cute, we can agree on that," Aggu pushed jokingly.

"I imagine most girls would agree," you said.

"Maybe, but I'm talking about you," Aggu said and poked your shoulder as he said the last word. "Do you think he's cute?" he asked again. "Or sexy or dreamy or whatever?"

"Yeah, I think Joost is very cute," you blushed. "Is it obvious?" you asked.

"Well, I think Mel mentioned how you're not a smoker when we first met and suddenly Joost is here and all of a sudden you're out with him for a smoke every hour or so," he teased and you hid your face behind your hands in embarrassment.

"Oh god," you groaned.

"Nah, come on, it doesn't matter," Aggu said. "Nothing to be embarrassed about," he insisted and removed your hands from in front of your face.

"Yeah, but Joost definitely doesn't like me," you explained with a saddened expression on your face. Aggu raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know that?" he inquired.

"I don't know, I just feel like he's deliberately treating me like a friend, you know, in a very platonic way only," you tried to explain. "Like he's very persistent about me just being a friend - if that," you said. Aggu looked sceptical.

"Listen, I don't know if Joost likes you back but I do know that he's a little awkward about flirting and expressing his feelings and whatever," he said. "He might need a little help to push him along," Aggu said with a knowing smile. You looked at him with a confused expression on your face. "You can say no to this if you want, but I have an idea for us," Aggu said and you nodded, indicating for him to keep going. "What if we both do a little thing to make Joost jealous?" Aggu proposed and your heart started racing.

"What do you mean?" you asked.

"Let's just try for tonight to spend a lot of time together, laughing a lot, sitting very close to each other, touching, flirting and just rubbing it in Joost's face that you're having a great time with me?" Aggu explained. "In fact, I saw Joost looking over at us standing here a few times already," Aggu pointed out and you looked over to the table where all your friends were sitting and as your gaze crossed Joost's eyes he immediately averted the gaze and looked in another direction. "We've got nothing to lose, either way the outcome, we'll just have a fun evening together," Aggu concluded.

You contemplated Aggu's idea for a second before you decided that he was right - you had nothing to lose. Aggu obviously was a nice and handsome guy so you wouldn't mind having a fun evening with him as well.

"Alright, it's a deal," you said with a smile and extended your hand before Aggu took it for a handshake.

"Alright, let's start with me buying you a drink," Aggu grinned and moved to stand closer to you. You casually rested your hand on Aggus bicep as you kept talking until the bartender finally took both of your orders.

"Is this okay?" Aggu asked as his arm wrapped around your waist to hold you.

"Yes," you said and you wondered whether Joost could see you right now, what he would feel at the sight of you two being so close to one another. "Thanks for the drink," you said and cheered your cup to Aggu's after you got your drinks.

"Scoot over," Aggu directed Joost as you got back to your table. You could read a confused expression on Joost's face for just a second before he darted his eyes back and forth between you and Aggu quickly. As Joost moved over from his spot Aggu could now sit beside him and you could take your seat beside Aggu.

As you were talking with Aggu you made an effort to seem careless and laugh at every joke he made, softly grazing his arm if the chance occurred or bite your lips as you watched his face. It took everything in you to look to the left of Aggu to check on Joost. You were so desperate to see whether he was fazed by your spiel. But you knew you needed to ignore him for the time being. Aggu took the biggest leap so far when he casually wrapped his arm around your shoulders to bring you closer to him as you giggled.

"Alright, I'm going for a smoke," Joost announced almost immediately after. Aggu's arm dropped from your shoulder as you both had to move over to let Joost out of the booth. After Joost got out he stood there for a moment looking down at you with a blank expression. Did he wait for you to join him for a cigarette as you always had in the past? Surely not, you thought before Joost turned around to get outside alone.

~

Joost leaned against the wall outside as his cigarette was slowly nearing its end. Usually, you would be leaning against the wall beside him as well and he would intently listen to whatever story you were telling him, always grateful that you were so good at making conversation. If it weren't for that fact you might as well would have never talked to each other. And although Joost tended to be a little quieter around you, he was hanging onto every word you said. The truth is, Joost was a little shy around you because you mattered to him. Because he liked you, he was way too afraid to mess something up. So he stood back instead.

But now he was cursing himself for doing so. Because apparently now you had enough of him and instead you were attached at the hip with Aggu. And the situation was made worse by the fact that Aggu was Joost's friend. He was annoyed at Aggu for snatching you away from him but he knew he shouldn't feel angry and instead be happy for his friend.

Joost flicked his cigarette to the ground and stumped it out before he decided to get back inside. As he looked over to the table where you and your friends sat he caught your gaze. You were sitting on Aggu's lap, your arm wrapped around his shoulders. Joost stood still, the sight really making him not want to sit back down beside you. Aggu leaned into you and whispered something into your ear as you were still looking over at Joost who couldn't hide the sad expression on his face.

Joost felt uncomfortable and looked down at his phone before he decided to step out again instead of sitting back down at the table. Time for another cigarette or just maybe go back home already. As Joost lit the cigarette in his hand, the door to the bar opened again and you stepped out into the cold.

"Hey," you said softly.

"Hey," Joost replied with a nod. "Want one?" he asked and held out his hand with his pack of cigarettes. Your arms were crossed in front of your body because of the temperature. You looked down at his offer before you declined.

"You know I usually don't smoke," you admitted.

"Really?" Joost asked with a raise of an eyebrow. "That's news to me," Joost said although it really shouldn't come as a surprise to him as he noticed that you never carried your own pack of cigarettes.  

"I know," you laughed. "Are you having a good evening?" you asked.

"Not really," Joost admitted honestly.

"How come?" you asked and Joost didn't answer. Instead, he just shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. You could feel an aura of sadness radiating from him and you suddenly felt really bad for the spiel you and Aggu had been doing tonight. Although you still didn't know how Joost felt about you, you wondered if you had somehow contributed to his bad mood tonight.

"How long are you staying in Berlin for?" Joost asked after he released a puff of smoke.

"Another two days," you said. "You?" you asked in return.

"'M leaving next week," Joost said. "You should come back soon," Joost tried nonchalantly, giving you a sign that he cared about you in some way.

"You think?" you said with a smile.

"Yeah, you're fun to have around," Joost said.

"Well, I'm sorry if I haven't been around you tonight a lot," you said earnestly.

"It's fine," Joost said. If he had the confidence of Aggu, Joost would only have to take one step forward to engulf you in a kiss. "Can't blame Aggu," he said and immediately realised the implication of his words. He looked up at you again and saw a smirk on your face.

"You know me and Aggu aren't actually-," you tried to explain. "We're just friends," you said and Joost could feel a blush creeping on his face.

"Oh?" Joost said.

"Yeah, I'm interested in someone else actually," you said.

"Oh," Joost stated.

"If only he would notice already," you said and looked Joost deeply in the eyes.

"Maybe he's too shy," Joost offered.

"He doesn't have to be," you said and stepped towards Joost. You reached out for his hand and took the cigarette before you put it to your mouth to take a drag. As you let it fall to the floor Joost slowly and carefully reached out his arm to your hip without actually laying his hand on there. You stepped just a little closer until his hand touched your hip and you were standing so close you had to look up to him. "He could just kiss me," you said and it wasn't long before Joost leaned down, his hand finding the back of your neck, and his lips attached to yours.

You approvingly hummed into the kiss. Joost's lips tasted of beer and smoke but it was a divine taste to you as your lips started moving against each other in sync. You rested your hands on Joost's chest where you could feel his calm breathing. Joost's hands tangled in your hair as your lips parted to taste each other on your tongue. Your head was spinning, heart racing as you finally got what you had been looking for since the night you first met Joost.

As you pulled back from the kiss Joost cupped your face and looked down at you with a sheepish grin on his face.

"We should've done this way sooner," he stated.

"That's what I've been saying!" you laughed before you leaned back in for another kiss.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Can I request a cardan x reader fic? Anything you want to write! Just gimmi my baby there isnt much of him on this app.🥺

Weeping heart

Summary: Y/n has seen cardan go through lovers like they're wrappers of chocolates. One in his hand before the previous is even in the dustbin.

Now he has found Jude, and she does not know what to do.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: anon thank you so much for this request! i love you so much for this. It was such a good writing exercise honestly. This is mainly pining, maybe angst.

Also, this marks the beginning of me writing for characters outside of the acotar universe, so I'm very excited

also I didnt tag anyone because the general taglist i have was for acotar.

(i might be down to write a part 2 👀)

(not proofread)

Enjoy!

•○🌑○•

She bit her lip as she stared up at her best friend, trying to contain the smile that threatened to overtake her features.

"Let me see that smile, beautiful." He grinned lazily at her, his dark eyes twinkling under the rays of sunlight that penetrated the thick canopy of leaves above their head. They were currently seated under a weeping willow, hidden away from the whole world outside. Where only the two of them existed, and nothing else mattered.

The place was special to Y/n and Cardan. This was where the two of them would meet all the time, just the two of them, away from their friends and family. In here, they didn't have to pretend, didn't have to act like everything was okay. They could be themselves, and not care about getting hurt.

He leaned closer to her, searching her eyes, his eyes and features softer than Y/n had ever seen before.

"Shut up." She mumbled, but that action had her lips splitting into that smile she was trying so hard to supress.

His grin widened. "There we go."

His hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb absently brushing her lower lip, his gaze following it with a hungry look. Then his eyes lifted to hers, a question in them.

She dipped her chin almost imperceptibly.

That was enough for him, and he leaned forward, his lips getting closer and closer to hers.

She let her eyes fall shut.

But the kiss never came.

•○🌑○•

She opened her eyes, wondering why he hadn't yet kissed her, and found herself staring at the ceiling of her room.

She blinked blearily, wondering what the hell happened, and then she realised.

It had been a dream.

She closed her eyes again, heaving a sigh as she willed herself to go back to sleep, back to that dream, hoping he'd kiss her before she woke up again.

Of course, that was very nearly impossible.

Because someone decided in that moment that it would be a good idea to knock on her door.

She was certain she knew who it was.

Still she called out, demanding the identity of the knocker.

The answer was immediate. Cardan.

She groaned lowly, dragging her hands down her face.

He didn't wait for her to let him in. The permission wasn't ever needed between the two. That hadn't changed. Yet.

The next moment, he had barged in through the doors, a grin on his stupid face.

She sat up, trying to look anywhere but his face. Heavy emphasis on trying.

"Y/n, guess what happened."

"I am not in the mood, Cardan."

She winced internally. She was being cruel. He had done nothing wrong. It was not his fault he didn't know of her feelings. She had no right to be rude to him, especially when he was so excited about something.

He wasn't bothered by her lack of enthusiasm. He simply plopped down on her bed as she climbed out of it, getting ready for the day as he launched into a story of how after last night's revel, Jude had told him to wait in their bedchambers while she walked into the closet, her skirts swishing around her legs.

How she had retuned without it.

Y/n tried not to pay attention to the details, but she couldn't help it. She had never been able to ignore what Cardan said, never been able to let anything he said go unheard. He had spent nearly all his years being unheard because no one considered him worthy of their time.

She had long ago decided that she was not going to be one of those people.

She heard everything, and her torturous brain created all the images Cardan's words conjured. Her traitor of a heart clenched, but she ignored it.

"That's great Cardan." She said when he finished speaking, and when she looked at him, he was practically glowing with happiness.

Y/n felt guilty for being jealous of the mortal who had everything Y/n ever wanted, but she couldn't bring herself to care when her heart was breaking into pieces everyday.

"It feels like I've waited for this an eternity. Never thought I would get to have Jude in my arms."

She gave him a smile. "I need to meet up with some generals this morning. I need to leave."

He nodded happily, straightening from where he'd been lying on her bed. She watched him walk out of her room, a knot forming in her throat, her resolve hardening.

She needed... she knew what she needed.

•○🌑○•

Jude had her eyebrow raised, and it concerned Y/n how a mere mortal's judgement could make her nervous.

"Tell me again why you want to go on this mission?"

Y/n reigned in a frustrated sigh. "There is no real reason. I just wish to explore the Elfhame more."

The look Jude gave her told her she saw right through the act. But she didn't push the mater.

"There has been rumours of a rebellion on the other side of Elfhame. If you really want to go on this mission, then you need to know that this is an incredibly long and dangerous mission. You'll not only have to investigate the place, but also squash any hint of rebellion you find."

Y/n gave Jude a smile. "Sounds amazing."

"Sure it does." Jude's eyes narrowed as she continued. "If you need more time away to, as you say, to explore, then after you finish this quest, have a tour around Elfhame and meet up with people who have associated with Madoc before. Make sure they are not plotting something behind our backs."

Y/n dipped her chin in a nod. "When can I leave?"

"Before the week ends."

"So does that mean I can leave right now too?"

If possible, Jude's eyes narrowed further and she stood. At that moment, the door behind Y/n opened, and she stiffened as the smell of his perfume reached her.

"Y/n! I thought you were in the meeting with the generals. What are you doing here?"

Y/n smiled stiffly, turning to look at Cardan.

"I had something important to discuss with Jude." She gestured with her hand.

Cardan nodded, as if that was the most understandable thing in the world.

"What were you talking about?"

"Nothing-"

"She is leaving on a long mission-"

Jude and Y/n spoke up at the same time, and Y/n had to resist the urge to smack her forehead.

Cardan's head swung towards Y/n, and he stared at her with wide eyes, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out.

Y/n turned to Jude, letting some of the fury at her secret being revealed show in her eyes. And then she smiled tightly. "Could you send that list of people and areas where the rebellion is rumoured to be to my room? I need to begin packing."

Jude's eyebrows were high, but she nodded. Y/n bowed, then turned on her heel and strode away, ignoring Cardan and the way he was trying to gain her attention.

As she left the room, she heard him following and calling for her, but she ignored that too.

Just the way she had always ignored her weeping heart, the one that beat solely for Cardan.

The one that was broken beyond repair now.

•○🌑○•

[stevie-petey]

I know you just dropped a new chapter but I have a blurb if you wanna write it. Could we see others perception of bug. Like Mrs. Clicks class, bugs just chilling and doing her work while there are people so entranced by her and she doesn't even know it. Like Robin, Steve, Jonathan, Nancy, maybe Eddie 👀

ooooo i LOVE a good character study thank u for this request !!

enjoy <3

"your book report isnt bad, but..." you sigh, trying not to let your disbelief of how horrible the paper is show. "it could use some work."

jonathan nods at you solemnly. the librarys florescent light burns down upon his shame. "be honest, how fucked am i?"

"... pretty fucked."

the boy covers his face with his head and groans, causing the librarian to harshly shush him. its the middle of study hall, the entire section is overtaken by a crowd of kids either pretending to study or silently mourning their grades.

youre the only one actually doing any work, jonathan has long since given up on his stupid essay. english has never been his best subject, youve always basically written all his papers for him in exchange for math help. its been a good system.

until goddamn mrs. greer caught on and threatened suspension.

"its okay, maybe i could try and copy your writing style?" you suggest, but jonathan only responds by dropping his head onto the table. he doesnt even know what his writing style is. you rub his back in soothing circles, hopeless as well. "okay, yeah. i tried."

robin buckley sits a few seats away from you and jonathan. she watches you curiously, eyes narrowed at the hand on the boys back. she doesnt quite understand your relationship with jonathan. truthfully, she doesnt really pay much attention to the guy. she thinks hes cool, sure, maybe quiet, but youve always interested her more.

jonathan says something to you, which you laugh at, and again the librarian shushes the two of you. jonathan ducks his head down, embarrassed, but you only giggle with a flushed smile on your face. you try to hide the smile, though even robin knows that its impossible to hide a smile like yours.

youre wearing a soft purple sweater today, a flannel far too big for you covers your shoulders, and robin desperately wants to ask you where you got it from. shes always wanted to talk to you, but fear has stopped her from ever getting too close.

she isnt sure if the fear is from your beauty or from how genuine of a person you are. youre known as hawkins sweetheart, youre practically untouchable, and robin doesnt think youd like someone like her. shes awkward and annoying and speaks too fast and talks too loud.

eddie munson really hates the library, but he hates hawkins high even more. he'll be damned if he has to spend another fucking year here. so here he is, pretending that he knows what the fuck hes doing as he starts on one of his long overdue assignments. theres thirty he needs to hand in for one class alone. hes fucked.

it doesnt help that someone behind him keeps giggling.

he turns in his seat, ready to tell the girl to shut the fuck up, but then he sees that its you. he freezes, his anger suddenly gone.

youre the girl who loaned him a pencil last week. eddie had been so nervous for the exam that he had forgotten a goddamn pencil. he had panicked, he really couldnt afford to fail, but mrs. greer wouldnt let him get up to find a new one.

eddie had been close to tears, embarrassed and overwhelmed, when you had tapped his shoulder. "here,"

in your hand was a pencil, offering it to him. eddie took it from you, relief flooding through him, and he gave you a curt nod before frantically starting the exam with five minutes wasted.

eddie never actually thanked you for that. in fact, he had completely forgotten all about it until he saw you later that day talking to mrs. greer to arrange a time for you after school to retake the exam. apparently you also didnt have a pencil ready that day.

you had given him your only pencil, knowing youd fail the exam, just so eddie wouldnt.

so eddie turns back in his seat, grips your loaned pencil that he still has, and goes back to his assignments. your giggling carries over to him, and the sound is a pleasant one now. all things considered, youve got a cute laugh.

nancy wheeler stands in the romance section of the library, waiting anxiously for steve harrington. hes late, he promised her hed be there right after lunch, yet she stands alone.

she can hear your laughter from where she stands. she peers around the corner, sees you with jonathan, and she rolls her eyes fondly. youre always together, but she does find it cute. youre sweet together, in an old, married couple kind of way.

jonathans eyes drift from your laughing frame to nancy. she sucks in a breath, caught, and he raises an eyebrow at her. hes intrigued, wonders why shes staring at you and him, and nancys cheeks burn. she doesnt really talk to you and jonathan, she hasnt for a long time.

nancy turns away awkwardly and pretends that she hadnt seen jonathan at all.

steve sees you first when he enters the library, late and out of breath. well, he hears you first, and he smiles even before he can understand why. he knows you hang out in the library with jonathan, hes expected you to be there, but its still somehow a pleasant surprise.

youre head is thrown back, mid laugh, and steve shakes his head at you. youre always smiling, always kind, always lovely. he sees the paper jonathan has you reading for him and steve supposes that eventually youll be trading english essays in for marriage licenses.

its inevitable.

who wouldnt want to marry someone like you? steve knows he does, and he finds nancy waiting for him in the romance section, and he thinks hes finally met your match.

[envy-of-the-apple]

NO BUT LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME POLY OMG SDKHFGLSDHG THE FIC,

satoru clinging to you like velcro. obliviously asking you to hang out in places only college kids would go to. like, HIS DORM?? probably a rave or two or a frat event or some crap. he doesn't even register it as weird because it's not weird for HIM so how could it be weird for YOU when he wants you there?

being his designated driver... his secret keeper... "He'd told you things he'd never told anyone before." omggg imagine he told you about suguru. imagine hearing about it, thinking he's gay, and satoru lets you think that for a while so you see his advances in a platonic light and don't turn him down right away

telling you he's so happy he feels like he's dreaming... interrupting you to ask you how it felt, probably knowing full well you were too drunk to remember...

interrupting you even MORE to tell you that it was his first time (you DEFLOWERED him you MONSTER)...

and then pulling out the puppy dog heartbreak eyes (and i'll bet it's REAL heartbreak, too!) when he says you totally returned his feelings when he confessed last night 100% honest no cap.

Satoru is smart. He's a physics major, he's got to be smart. You just need to pretend to date him for a while before he realizes that you're too old for him. Then, he'll leave you for someone his age.

narrator: "he did not, in fact, leave her for someone his age"

skjdfhglhdsg honestly satoru has ALWAYS had that "likes older women" vibe to him, you know?

even if you ever managed to break up with him you'd just watch him fall into the arms of a 40 year old mei mei who's just using him for his money, humiliating him publicly, cheating on him, breaking his heart and won't you save him from his self-destructive ways, you know he'll always take you back-

god this is the REAL manipulator shit. make them choose to come to you. yandere gojo has nothing on this cougar hunter gojo, his TRUE final form

kfhgsldhg sorry if it sounds like i'm throwing more prompts at you, this really is just me squealing about what a fun read it was. awesome job! thank you for writing it!

im so glad you liked it!

COUGAR HUNTER GOJO OH NO-

"you totally returned his feelings when he confessed last night 100% honest no cap" yayaya no totally, you def said 'omg toru ily 2 lets get married'. honestly he got a bit too egotistical in the last part, and it might be his downfall if the mc ever looked too deeply into the story.

(I imagine the night went the exact opposite how gojo described. He did confess, but by then, you had lost much of your tact. Instead of letting him down gently, you just started likening him to your little brother-no wait-you're more like my son-actually no-you're more like my puppy that keeps peeing the floor. Cant blame him for thinking he needed to kick it up a notch)

i just love the idea of the mc going to friends for advice and instead of being sympathetic/horrified they give high-fives and joke about robbing the cradle because no one really cares that you're 'dating' someone who's pre-frontal cortex isnt developed because the patriarchy

If i ever do make a pt2 (which i will not be doing), it'll probably be seven years into the future where gojo has successfully corralled you into marrying him. and the reason why you (reluctantly) say yes is akin to the reasons a man in the 1930s will marry a woman he slept with to preserve his and hers dignity.

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[t3ag3rs]

g e n s o - 0 4.

gosh this is going to be a long year..

you let out a sigh while resting your head on your hands, observing the class yelling. the blue haired guy with a stick up his ass from the presentation was currently yelling at bakugou. sadly, he sat at the left of you and was currently getting and earful for putting his legs on the desk. honestly though.. it wasnt even that big of a deal for him to be yelling like that.

you let out a small laugh as you saw deku turn a bright red once he saw uraraka. oh my gosh hes down badddd..... im so gonna tease him about this later on.

"if your just here to make friends then you can pack up your stuff now." said a stoic voice from behind deku and uraraka. "welcome to UAs hero course" continued the same voice before unzipping himself from the sleeping bag he had on and standing up. 

"it took 8 seconds for you all to shut up and thats not gonna work, time is precious. any rational student would understand that" he explained walking into the class. you turned your focus to the male talking. 

"hello im shota aizawa, your teacher. alright lets get to it, put these on and head outside." you walked up and grabbed a uniform before heading into the locker room to change.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you widen your eyes as you find out you have to do a quirk assessment test, goddamnt..! i just finally started recovering from the entrance exam and i have to use my quirk again?  

"but how about orientation? we're gonna miss it!" exclaimed uraraka, "to be the best of the best you cant waste time on pointless things, here at UA i get to run my class the way i want to." said mr. aizawa, "youve been taking standardized tests all of your lives" he pulled up his phone, "but youve never been able to use you quirks on those exams before."

"the country is still trying to pretend we're created all equal by not letting those with the most power excel- its not rational. one day the ministry of education will learn... bakugou you managed to get the most points on the entrance exam- what was your farthest distance thrown with the softball when you were in junior high?" he asked looking at him.

"67 meters i think" replied bakugou and you rolled your eyes, god hes a try hard... "right. try doing it with your quirk now."

bakugou walked up and stood in the middle of the circle on the feild. "whatever happens just stay in the circle.. go on, your wasting our time." added mr. aizawa.

"alright.. you asked for it" bakugou stretched his arms before throwing it with an explosion. you rolled your eyes knowing he did that to make the others look. 

"all of you need to know your full potential in order to become better versions of yourselves." he held up his phone to show the distance that bakugou had thrown the softball revealing 705.2 meters.

everyone around you started commenting in awe of his score, but you werent impressed, ill make sure i beat that score just to deflate his ego.

"so this looks fun huh..?" you turned your attention back to the teacher, "you have three years here to become a hero. if you think its going to be all fun and games your wrong. idiots..." he let out a smirk, "today youll be competing in 8 physical tests to engage your potential, whoever comes in last has none and will be expelled immediately." your eyes widen in shock, can he even do that??

"like i said.. i get to decide how this class runs. understand?" you gulped but nodded. "if thats a problem you can head home right now."

"you cant send one of us home! i mean, we just got here!" complained uraraka, "even if it wasnt the first day, that isnt fair!" you looked down, complaining isnt going to do anything right now, but she has a good point.

"and you think natural disasters are? power hungry villians? hm? or accidents that wipe out whole cities? no- the world is full of unfairness. its a heroes job to try and fight that unfairness, if you wanna be a pro your going to have to push yourself to the brink. for the next three years UA is going to throw one hardship after another at you. so go beyond- plus ultra style. show me its no mistake your here."

you clenched your fists, you had to prove yourself today by doing the most you could in these tests.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

the first test was the 50 meter dash, you silently thanked yourself for increasing your cardio as you readied yourself. "runners! on your mark, get set, go!" you sprinted and let the earth beneath you propel yourself forward getting you in first place out of the people you were with. "4.002 seconds!" said the bot next to you, you smirked as you beat bakugous time.

the next test was the grip strength test. you didnt have much to help you with this so you had to think creatively, maybe i could get some rock to surround my hand and use that to add on the pressure of my grip... i have no idea if thatll even work..!

you let out a sigh as the highest you got was 190 kilograms. if thats the best i can get thats fine i guess... ill just have to make it up with the other tests...

the third test was the standing long jump, you smiled as you could use your fire to push yourself forward in this test. you jumped and let your fire push you forward, smiling as you landed on the other side of the pit. 

that was way better than the last test thankfully!

the fourth test was the repeated side steps. you decided to use your earthbending to build walls on either side of you and use air to move yourself side to side. it wasnt your best test, but definitely wasnt your worst one. (cough grip test cough)

the fifth test was the ball throw, you stood in the circle and swung your arm in big circles before grabbing the ball and readying your self to swing as hard as you could. throwing the ball, you left your arm out to let the air continue its throw until you felt yourself running out of air. you let out a proud smile as you saw your result of 1,890 meters.

you turned toward bakugou and made eye contact with him, but resisted the urge in smirking at how you beat him by a long shot. 

you let out a gasp as deku went and saw how his ball barely went far. "i erased your quirk- someone like you should never be able to enroll in this school. the judges who were selecting students werent rational enough when picking you." suddenly deku spoke up, "i know you- you can look at someone and cancel out their powers! the eraser hero- eraserhead!"

you chuckled as the rest of the students had no clue who he was, of course deku would know who he was. 

"your not ready- you have no control over your power. are you just going to break your bones again?" deku let out a defensive disagreement, "you will be nothing because of how reckless you are. your worthless if all it takes is one punch for you to become broken." you stepped up.

"um.. excuse me! look sorry to interrupt, but i think your taking this a bit too far! he has just as much of potential as the rest of us, and he definitely has more heroism than any of us combined! im not saying this to argue with you, but im just saying you should give him a fair try like the rest of us." you explained sticking up for deku.

mr. aizawa let go of deku, "go on and get it over with, dont waste our time." you looked over and gave him a smile before giving him a thumbs up. he walked back to the middle of the circle and took in a deep breath before he swung his arm and threw it with enough force to create a gust of wind. you widened your eyes in shock and smiled, there we go!

you looked at the phone to see his distance of 705.3 meters, one tenth more than bakugous score. you smiled happily knowing he mustve been scathing on the inside for how he scored lower than deku.

"mr. aizawa.." you turned to see deku making a fist with his broken finger, "you see.. im still standing!" "this kid..." replied aizawa with widened eyes and an unsettling smile.

"HEY! DEKU! YOU BASTARD, TELL ME HOW YOU DID THAT OR YOUR DEAD!" yelled bakugou as he charged toward deku, you quickly stepped forward to try and prevent bakugou before he was held back by aizawas scarf. "stand down, i would be wise to make not make me use my quirk so much.. it gives me serious dry eye. your wasting my time now.. whoevers next can step up." he let go of bakugou and walked away.

you watched as deku ran away from bakugou as he just stood their frustrated. 

you finished up the last couple of tests that were just based off of physical ability and scored well enough for each of them. you let out a smile as you saw the results and saw yourself in third place, one place higher than bakugou. 

thats what that asswipe deserves.. i hope he never forgets this..

"and i was lying- no one is going home. that was just a way to make sure you gave it your all" mr. aizawa added smiling, you let out a sound of happiness, glad deku didnt have to be expelled.

"that was pretty nerve-wracking if im being honest.." said a black haired boy, "nah.. im always down for a challenge!" said the red haired boy from the presentation. "oh i remember you!" he said pointing at you, you smiled and waved. "your quirk is so cool dude! you managed to score third place out of us all!" you laughed and scratched your neck, "haha.. its not the best i couldve done... but thank you!"

"thats all for today, grab the syllabus from the class, and read it before tomorrow morning." added aizawa before walking away. you turned back to the red haired boy, "im ejirou kirishima, your y/n l/n right?" you nodded, "howd you know?" he laughed, "everyone knows about that stunt you pulled during the practical exam.." you blushed before looking down, "ahhh.. thats so embarrassing..!"

"nah, i thought it was pretty manly of you!" he praised while you both walked back into the building. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you changed out of your training outfit, and put back on your uniform before getting ready to head out. "hey y/n!" you turned around to see kirishima and a pink skinned girl behind you. "oh.. hey!" they walked beside you, "heya! im mina ashido!" the girl introduced while grabbing your arm. you let out a smile as she did so, "im y/n l/n if you havent already heard.." she laughed, "nah i already know who you are! the badass who totally kicked the zero pointers ass!" she exclaimed. 

"as you can see shes very energetic.." sighed out kirishima from the other side of you, you laughed before adding, "its alright though.. it makes her stand out in a way.."

you walked home with them laughing and exchanging numbers. you couldnt believe how nice and chill they were. 

could this be the year things finally get better for you?

previous parts: pt. 0 0 / pt. 0 1 / pt. 02 / pt. 03 next parts: pt. 0 5 / pt. 0 6 / pt. 0 7 / pt. 0 8 / pt. 0 9 / pt. 10 / pt. 11 / pt. 12 / pt. 13 / pt. 14 / pt. 15

[soxcietyy]

Nezumi

4 years after the Shinuys incident has been tough. Japan wasn’t what it used to be and seemed like an abandone battle field. Being caught by Sukuna he demanded you to look for a cursed object. When on the look out you bump into Yuta, who wasn’t who he used to be.

Tw: kidnapping, obsessive, non con

You’ve heard of him before, the second strongest sorcerer Yuta Okkotsu. The man who had the queen of curses by his side, reverse curse energy, a domain, a copy technique and more. So when you encounter him you almost got on your knees and begged him to let you go. Though your ego wouldn’t let you do such a thing. Maybe if you pretended you were on there side he would let you go. Or even better you should pretend you were a normal person. You were wearing pastel colors and loafers with leg warmers on so you didn’t look like a sorcerer.

Then again it was 4 years after the Shibiya incident and there was still a huge war/fight going on. The city was a mess and people were fighting for survival. Nobody was going to be trying to look cute like you are. It was also kinda hard to be a normal person because the queen of curses was currently hovering over you. Saliva dripping next to your feet as she breathes heavily.

Before you had encountered this man you were looking for a certain cursed object that Sukuna had requested. Not wanting to be killed you complied and went on the look out. He didn’t tell you what exactly it was so you were at a loss. As you searched you somehow didn’t notice that you were being watched. That was until he appeared in front of you when you were digging in rubble.

Now he was staring you down with a dark glare sending shivers down your spine. His hands were in his pockets as he started walking towards you. You quickly get into a fighting stance with a dagger in your hand. You couldn’t help but shake a bit. You wernt the strongest but you were confident on somehow escaping him.

"May I know why a girl like you is wondering around these parts?" He finally speaks.

You bit your tongue as he closing in the gap. With one quick snap clones appear next to you. Your technique was creating illusions. It was more of a mind/mental use instead of a hands on fighting one. With one blink you noticed that they turned into mist and that Yuta was now in front of you.

You stumbled back and bump into a pile of rubble. You couldn’t back up anymore and he had you cornered. There was no fighting back unless you wanted to die. Squeezing your eyes shut you can feel that monstrous thing still hovering over you. You could also feel how he grabbed your chin and lifted it up so you could look at him.

"I can’t remember that last time iv seen a girl like you. A very cute and innocent one to say the least."

He moved your head to the side to check you out more. He looked quite satisfied from what he was seeing. Putting his other hand against the wall he admire you even closer.

"Now are you going to answer my question or are we going to do this the hard way?"

Now was definitely the time to start begging for your life. Maybe if you told him he’ll let you go. He would understand doing things just for survival right?

"I’m looking for a cursed object." You look at him in the eye. You tell him almost everything, about being caught, being used for your brains, where you come from and how you didn’t want any problems. He looked interested in everything you said and even got rid of the thing he called Rika. Maybe that was a good sign and he was about to set you free.

"You’re not much of a problem then, I guess I’ll keep you for myself."

Your jaw dropped when you heard him say that. Did he say keep? As in having or owning an object? You stare at him blankly not understanding the situation.

"Excuse me?!" You say trying to push his hand away from your chin.

"Look around, Japan isnt what it used to be. A big population of people are dead. You think it’s easy to find a fine prize? I basically won the lottery." He smiles as he caresses your hair.

"I can’t, Sakuna will kill me and I have told to play a role over there. I need to go back before finds me."

"That’s really cute, the fact that you thought you had a say. I’m not asking you to be with me. I’m telling you that you’re now mine." He grabs your wrist and starts dragging you.

You try to get away from him but his grip was tight. How in the world did he think he can just do this? This wasn’t right, this wasn’t fair at all. The jujitsu higher ups would deem you as a traitor and have you executed in no time.

You tell him exactly what you were thinking and he laughed.

"I’m the second strongest sorcerer, if I want to have you then their forced too agree. They can’t afford to loose me." He says before he stopped laughing. With one fast motion he lifted you up and put you over his shoulder. He put you over his shoulder as if you were the prey he just caught while hunting.

You start kicking your legs, telling him to let you go but he grabbed them firmly and ignored you yelling. He walked for what seemed like forever. No wonder Sakuna wasn’t able to find them. You were so drained from fighting back yelling that you lost your voice half way and ended up falling asleep.

When you woke up you found yourself laying on a bed. Laying on white sheets and such a soft mattress, when was the last time you slept on something so comfortable? That’s when everything came back to you and sat up immediately. You scan the room to see that it was your basic bedroom. Nothing abnormal other than his sitting in a chair by the window with a book.

"Morning nezumi," he said as he slowly put his book down.

Did he just call you a mouse?

"That’s not my name" you say glaring at him.

"Care to tell me?" He says as he has full attention on you now.

"…., My name is y/n, I really need to go." You say trying to get out of bed but was stopped by him who all of a sudden was standing in front of you.

He got in bed with you as he held your arm. Rubbing the skin of his cheek with your small delicate hand. His face felt cold yet soft at the same time, you could see the dirt on his face and blood from whatever he’s been fighting throughout the day.

"Stay with me, it’s been so long since iv had someone to care for me. I haven’t felt like this in so long." He took a whiff of your smell.

You couldn’t lie you felt bad for the guy. When you first saw him he looked so drained and tired. Like he didn’t care who or what was around him. Now he laid in bed with you touching you carefully. It was almost as if he was scared of breaking you.

"I’ll take care of you, keep a roof over your head, treat you right. I’ll protect you from anything and everyone as long as you stay with me."

As much as he was practicing begging you to stay you knew you couldn’t. You had to go back to Sukuna and give him what he wants. You just had to do that and he promised to pretend he never saw you for now. Clearly Yuta was not here entirely. Did all the overworking and effects of the war get to him?

"And if I say no?" You ask him curiously.

"I’m not asking you, I’m telling you what’s going to happen from now on. So please refrain from pissing me off. I have little to no patience at all." He said as he got on top of you. Hands on both sides of your head as he looked down at you.

"Now, let’s take these off." He said as he began pulling your bottoms off.

You let out a screams as you kicked him repeatedly.

"What are you doing?" You kick him in the face.

He gripped your foot and put it down. You could see that he was not happy with that kind of response. "Behave." He said in a low tone.

His fingers began slipping your bottoms down until he exposed your panties.

"Wait wait wait! What happened to treating me right?!" You scream.

He sighs as he stops and looks at you tiredly.

"Your not going to make this easy arnt you?"

Obviously he was looking for a submissive, quiet and calm girl. One he can boss around with no talking back. You refused to do that. If he wanted to keep you trapped then you wernt going to make it easy.

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[lovebvni]

My DR family tree (MHA!!)

This is not the post I was talking about in my last blog, I just finished my family tree (using canva) and I wanted to share it! I fucking hate the colour palatte btw so we r gonna ignore it and pretend its black and white

IGNORE THAT RANDOM WHITE WOMAN AND RANDOM WHITE MAN I DONT HAVE A FACECLAIM FOR THAT SIDE OF MY FAMILY YET HELP MEEE information below!

Anyways lets start with my grandparents Robert and Carol

YES THEY ARE NICKI MINAJ'S PARENTS AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT!! Idk why but i rlly felt the need to b related to nicki (i think i was obsessed w her when making this dr LMFAO) but i js stuck w it bc clearly younger me had a thing going on. I haven't fully developed them because... they aren't my parents and they live in Florida while I live in Japan.. soo.. ONTO ONE OF THEIR KIDS!

Milagros is Onika's younger sister (i... think.. LMFAO). Her quirks are Mental Blood Manipulation (being able to control someone's thoughts through blood), Earth's Energy (meaning she uses energy from the sunlight.. like this girl photosynthesizes so yes, she does have flowers growing from her hair), and Personal void -- inspired by Janet from the good place (GOOGLE IT.) She has dark brown hair, a mixed skin tone, hazel eyes, and she stands at 5'4 in. Her occupation is a fashion designer at SCULPTOR clothing. Miracle (Milagos nickname) married Kenji Toga. Kenji's face claim is kinda wack because I could not find what I originally wanted him to look like (he's blonde, with stubble but.. girl i think the pin got deleted.) He has golden-ish eyes, pale skin, and he stands at around 6'8 in... girl.. uhm... yeah. He is super sweet and knowledgeable. He wears some glasses that make him look like an old man, though. He also works at SCULPTOR as a business manager (yeah, they became friends bc Miricle needed a business manager LMFAO THEN THEY GOT MARRIED ISNT THAT CUTE??) His quirks are Black blood (I will be making a blog on this) and stealth (i dont know what this means anymore or why I made it.)

Now, onto my siblings.

First up we have one of the twins, the younger one, Kuro. His American name is Kurtis, and he stands at 6'2 at 17 years old. Yeah. He attends UA's competing school, Shiketsu. Because of that, we are high in competition -- as many siblings are. Together, we are a lot of trouble.. so uhm... yeah. LMFAOO!! He has dark brown hair, tanned skin, and green and golden eyes (HETEROCHROMIA)!! If y'all want me to draw him I will... I suppose... but y'all js gon slut over him omg. Anyways! His quirks are shape shifting and outcome (again, I have no idea what outcome is).

The second twin, Himiko Toga! Yes, the one that becomes a villain you guys, I am so y/n stfu. She has blonde hair, lightly tanned skin and is 5'7 at 17. The women got fucked over, dude. WE NEED TO BE TALLER !! Anyways, she is super sweet, her perception of reality is just messed up. We always used to do each others hair, makeup, and walk our dogs together. She loves the outdoors and makes me so so happy. In this version, she has two quirks -- blood shifting (her og quirk) and stealth. He also has a few strands of red and blue in his hair.

I'm gonna skip myself for now and go onto Himari. At the time I shift, only one of her quirks have developed, and it is earths blessing ( a version of our mothers quirk. ) She is a version of my cr little sister. At the time I shift I believe she's in middle school??? I don't know. But she looks the most like my mother, only having my fathers face shape. Finally, me -- Harmony. You may be wondering "well why is your name American and nobody else's?" I was the only one born in the US. LMFAO IM LAME BRO THE REST OF MY FAMILY WAS BORN IN JAPAN!! Anyways... My deadname is Harmony, and in the US I go by Karsyn or Kaythan and in Japan I go by Kosuke. When I shift I am 14...ish? I have no idea for sure. I was born with brown hair, but I have sense dyed it to be black, red and white. I attend UA high. I am 5'8 at the time, and my quirks (yes... i have four...) are bone manipulation, black blood, shape shifting and personal void. One day I will make a post going more in depth about myself, but right now I just wanted to make an overview of my whole family.

I hope you guys like this post! It was fun going through my script and remembering everything about my dr. I will update everything when I do shift there, but for now, that's it!

Love and blessings,

Abyss

[pro-logue-epi-logue]

RANDOM DEVIL'S NIGHT THOUGHTS

~NUMBER 60~

Many of the anons i have received asked what are my thoughts on Willemmy not ending up together. And if that happens how do i think that will happen.

•• MY THOUGHTS ••

As for me WILLEMMY will always end up together. They are Endgame. The way Will was never able to move on from her, how in all those years apart Emmy never let herself be happy. That night of the homecoming was IT for them both. They both are actually happy and their true self when they are with each other only. They both love to piss each other off. And they are the only person in their life who lift each other and make then be better. As Will said himself Emmy is the only one who made him feel more and when she was in his arms he felt he can take on the world. And as Emmy said she was only happy when she was with Will. They are movie partners. They are it for each other. How in the moment of danger their first instinct is to see the other one to k ow if they are safe or not. Yes there were problems but it was because others were not good to them and they got caught in that. But Willemmy are always Endgame. ALWAYS.

@uneednotknow 'S THOUGHTS

Tbh even thinking about them not ending up together hurts, and they are fictional 💀. Anyways, I'm not saying this because they are my favourite couple amongst all of the DN series but really even if they weren't my favourite it would hurt. They only have each other. Sure, Damon is there for Will, Damon will die for Will just to see him smile, no doubt but Damon didn't see past Will's enthusiasm, didn't past Will being his 'sunshine'.And Emmy, my gosh, this girl really had no one at the end of the day. She was her own pillar, her own shelter. She, to me, represents the eldest daughter in the family. She took care of everyone and everything and at the end of the day, she had no one but herself, for so long. Sure, Will was there for her even when she didn't know but, currently I'm talking about the loneliness she must have felt. To this day in my mind, Banks and Em are best friends.I wonder why PD never saw the need to write about those two, even if it were just a paragraph, but oh well. Anyways what I want to say is, only Will and Emory saw past each other, they were there for each other. Especially, Will, my heart hurts to think that he had to pretend to be what he was not- the party animal, the druggie, the alcoholic. I hate to say this, but Horsemen are to be blamed partly for his spiraling.And Alex was supposed to be his supportive girl bestfirend, but she was an enabler. I'll die on this hill. And to think that WillEmmy are not the endgame? No, that's just incomplete. PD stored the angstiest, the most bitter-sweet, the almost most realistic couple for the end but really the ( fan demands ) ruined the entire plot. The two of them had no one but themselves and each other for the longest time.I just know Will would have died very soon- if not for alcohol and drugs, then because of his broken heart syndrome. He stayed alive so long, because like he said he always reached out for Emory, in his mind. So in a way, that satiated the loneliness, the pain and the heartache. PD could write the happiest story for Will and any other girl, but at the end of the book, at the end of the epilogue Will would have died because he couldn't deal with all the pressure anymore.He had inferiority complex, thinks he isnt good enough, that no one would choose him. But Emory did, she always believed in him. So did he. Emmy is a strong and independent woman but if she and Will didn't end up together, she would simply die alone or marry someone like a marriage of convenience.

°° But, What if they don't? °°

Now lets see how and what will happen if they actually don't end up together. How will things progress? What will the end moment when they realize to move apart forever? What is the last nail? Did other characters have a hand in this aswell?

Some people want Emmy to leave Will and some want Will to leave Emmy.

So let's discuss how they will move apart. And write it.

I am not a writer so i don't have many plotlines for it but some, so if anyone have any thoughts (any and whatever) share it here and we will write that or try to write that. Really any thoughts are appreciated. Feel free to share them whenever you want there is no date restrictions.

[ashesandhackles]

HP Reread - Order of Phoenix (Part 3)

Chapter 25, 26,27,28 - OOTP

Antonin Dolohov murdered the Prewett brothers. He will later kill Remus. He is repeatedly implied to be a very deadly Death Eater, and it is his slashing spell that will hurt Hermione in the climax of OOTP.

Harry feeling horrified and guilty at Bode's death: "How come we didnt recognise the Devil's Snare? We have seen this before, we could have stopped this from happening":(

Hermione deciding to send Skeeter a letter due to the seriousness of the breakout, and how much there is need to change the narrative. lol at her being vague with her plans that makes Ron grumble: "would it kill her to tell us what she is up to?"

Lee being an absolute king in trying to turn Umbridge's decree against her. However, he gets a bleeding hand for his effort and Harry has to recommend him essence of murtlap (an info Lee relays to Fred and George, which helps their products)

Neville improving in DA classes so unnervingly that he is only behind Hermione in mastering the Shield Charm.

LOLLL the entire scene at Puddifoot, where Harry feels like if Roger and his girlfriend kept kissing, he would be expected to compete. And then he looks up to avoid looking at them (or Cho), and cherubs throw confetti in his face.

Harry grabbing the sugar bowl when Cho takes her hand off the table. Harry laughing when he finally understands that Cho is jealous of Hermione. Oh god. The second hand embarrassment is real.

Hermione cornering Rita is such fun. XD I love that she makes use of resources at hand - even if she doesnt think much of the Quibbler herself. (Also, she took Sirius' advice, and kept the meeting in Three broomsticks instead of Hog's Head).

The breakout had gifted Harry a desire to do something, and he talked about the most traumatic night of his life so far to a journalist he did not trust on account of that. This also shows his faith in Hermione's facilitation of his need for justice. These two will be scary in the Ministry together.

also, Hermione knowing that Ginny has been sneaking around with their brooms since she was 6, and her implicit criticism of the way people talk about Ron: "at least my happiness doesnt depend on goalkeeping ability"

"You are banned as long as Umbridge is in the school" - Ginny's association with hope, with future, and comfort.

Angelina not letting Ron resign and Harry giving Ron the space to go to bed and pretend to sleep if he needed to <3

Harry being impressed with Ginny's performance and then going, "I would have been faster tho" the audacity of this boy XD

"An interview? What do you mean?" "I mean a reporter asked me questions and I answered her" and Harry throws the Quibbler at her. LMAO.

Cho apologising to Harry:"The interview was so brave, it made me cry" and Harry wishing that she hadnt cried over it. Ugh, this compellingly messy dynamic.

This is such a hard book for Harry. Being so afraid that you would wake up and look like Voldemort. He bites down to not make any noise during his visions, just because Seamus had recently stopped seeing him as a nutter.

Snape once again projecting on Harry - he brings up the idea that Harry seeing dreams and visions of Voldemort makes him feel "special, important". And Harry reflects it back to him, "No, that's your job, isnt it?" "That is my job." Stop your power struggle with a 15 year old Snape XD

Harry did it! He focused on Snape in between memories, and pushed him back with a protego! And Harry sees Snape memories: that imply a domestic abuse situation in his house (hook nose man shouting at a cowering woman while a boy cried in corner), a clear case of neglect (Snape shooting down flies in a room), and a sense of injured masculinity (a girl laughing at a scrawny boy's attempt to get ona bucking broomstick). Snape pushes Harry back at the last memory, and I wonder if that girl was Lily.

Snape also compliments this, "Well that's an improvement. I dont remember asking you to do a Shield Charm, but it was no doubt, effective."

The lesson end at Trelawney's screaming, Snape runs out and so does Harry. Sneaky parallel.

I really love the description of Trelawney to set the scene. My favorite descripton is her innumerable shawls were coming down from shoulders giving the impression "she is falling apart at the seams."

Dumbledore appointing Firenze is such a power move Imao.

a twinkling red star winked at him - reference to Mars, which consistently shows up in text again and again with Harry. Firenze brings attention to this, and the fact that Harry is directly under it is nice way in text to remind us there is a war coming.

"There are things more important than keeping a job" and Hagrid's hands shake. Because this job has been something he wanted, something his name was cleared for.

We get to know that Marietta's mother has been helping police Hogwarts fires, and Willy Widdershin of the regurgitating toilets was let off after he gave info on Harry.

Percy laughing at Fudge's sarcasm, and Harry for the first time expresses anger towards Percy in his internal monologue. Before he was just shocked and confused.

Kingsley modifiying Marietta's memory, to corroborate with Dumbledore's story. That man is quick. He did it immediately after Dumbledore says they can't prove 6 months worth of meetings.

ooh, it is implied that Fawkes' singing kept the four unconscious on the floor and the moment Fawkes leaves with Dumbledore, they are all awake.

Fred and George sending Montague into Vanishing Cabinet and how Montague gets out (nearly killing himself by Apparating) and gives Malfoy the information needed for the plot of HBP.

Snape the nerd, writing foot long answers. I love how much teenage Snape's body language is entirely different from adult Snape, and how much the adult Snape is a construction. Teenage Snape will lie on grass and scream hexes and swear words at you.

James literally traces and embellishes Lily's initials like a dork lol.

I deep dive into Marauder dynamics in chapter here.

"Wormtail was the only one who didnt laugh" : how cute is it that Remus laughs at his own dry joke XD

There is a strong theme of masculinity in this chapter, and James is making a performance of it with the snitch, with messing up his hair and Harry notices that this is done for the girls by the lake. (Harry wondered why James doesnt tell Wormtail to get a grip, and Sirius does it few seconds later much more unkindlyXD)

The power dynamic of the scene is framed with description of Sirius as "dog who scented a rabbit" and underlines it further by Remus' implicit disapproval (that he avoids by staring into a book, my poor bean) and Peter's anticipation (Sirius line in POA comes to mind about how Peter was drawn to the biggest bully in the playground)

Interesting note about James: he uses household spells like Scourgify for an attack. I can imagine him being similarly creative later in the Order. (it gives me such ideas of Transfiguration being his fav subject)

Interesting to me that even though both James and Sirius are on the scene, it is James Lily is consistently addressing.

Snape attempts a workshop Sectumsempra on James' cheek (clearly not the fully developed version) and James turns around and uses Snape's own spell against him. This moment alone speaks to such history in this dynamic.

Lily's "10 things I hate about you" speech is interesting because she also noticed that he was playing with the snitch (something he had nicked). She was also watching him.

Snape, emasculated by the scene, tries to exert power over one thing he has power over: his friendship with Lily. He uses Lily's otherness in wizarding world to reclaim power in the scene, and Lily throws it back at him by calling him the nickname his bullies call him and commenting on his underpants (therefore his class otherness). Utter dissolution of a friendship.

Lily channels her hurt and frustration at Snape's rejection of her onto James when he tries to help, and does a "10 things I hate about you" speech.

James tries to deal with being rejected publicly by Lily by directing his anger at Snape and threatening to take his pants off, in line with masculinity theme of this chapter.

Harry making Dudley-James associations. He will integrate a more complicated view of his father in later chapters (where he associates James with Ron), but this moment, where Harry rejects hypermasculinity displayed by James (but is keen to not reject James himself), is an important moment of moral growth for Harry.

OOTP - Chapter 29,30, 31, 32,33

Cute trip opening scene when Hermione is drawing up colour coded timetable for the boys (and nagging Harry), Ron brightening at the thought of evenings off and Crookshanks trying to get Harry's attention since he is brooding.

Harry is not only questioning James' morality, he is also questioning Sirius' ('look at what he was like himself') and Remus ('he just let it happen'). Later in the chapter, he wonders - "did he want to be like his father anymore?"

looking at Mrs Weasleys easter eggs, a handsome one with snitches on them makes Harry feel emotional. The way chocolate is tied to comfort + longing and Mrs Weasley functioning as an echo of a home.

lmao the scene where Harry admits he wants to go to Umbridge's office is peak Hermione as mum, Harry as sulky teenager and Ron as Arthur to Hermione's Molly scene.

Harry is so hypervigilant in Snape's class for his taunts, it clearly affects his performance in class. Because Snape is ignoring him, he could whip up a decent E level potion (which ofc Snape shatters).

"He attacked Snape for no good reason - well just because you said you were bored" - the apologetic tone Harry says this in and Sirius' quick "I'm not proud of it" shows how careful they are with each other. It is a big step for Sirius to admit he is not proud of his behaviour (because 2 years before, he all but snarled "served him right"), and this is the influence of Harry's distress. Remus also notes this with a "sideways glance" at him. (Remus also, something he hasn't shied away from admitting, owns his own culpability but is also harsher with himself -"did i ever tell you to lay off him?" and Sirius tries to correct/comfort that with "you made us feel ashamed of ourselves")

Harry knowing Hermione's nagging face lolll ("she fixed Harry with a beady eye and opened her mouth with a determined air") and he just interuppts before she starts lol.

hermione predicting Ron will do well without Fred and George around to watch <3

"Kind of makes you wish we had Norbert back, doesn't it?" yes, Harry. Norbert would be far preferable. I really am not sure why we have a storyline where Dumbledore sends envoys to giants so they can have them as allies (as actual thinking beings with political weight) and then write an entire chapter about how Hagrid is stupid for trying to "civilise" Grawp with English lessons. Why are you writing marginalisation like this, where you validate how "savage" Grawp is? Just a book ago, there is critique on how giants face prejudice via Hagrid and Madame Maxime, but then you're like, "maybe the prejudice has some sort of weight cos giants are brutal actually".

Cant believe we get an entire chapter of this and not Ron's victory over Slytherins and in Quidditch.

More on the giant's rant that I have and my absolute loathing for this Grawp chapter: Hagrid's Tale is one of the few times Hagrid is allowed to act as a competent adult - going with Maxime off country to send envoys to giants. For once, he is not someone the trio constantly has to take care of or save from trouble (it's not something I particularly mind, but I do have a problem here - where there is an additional layer of the fact that Hagrid hasn't had formal education. This entire chapter - he is just made a joke of and it reinforces the prejudices wizarding world shouldnt be having)

I really love the opening scene of Ron basking in the glory of having won the match, and he sits under the very same beech tree rumpling his hair, and Harry grins affectionately at being reminded of his father. It shows that Harry is beginning to integrate parts of his father - from seeing him as Dudley at end of SWM to seeing Ron-like qualities in him.

Cho crying out of temper and kicking her broom away after Gryffindor won the match : what a competitive streak. Love it.

"Hagrid's monster mates" - once again, the narrative needs to pick what giants are meant to be.

Griselda Marchbanks, the one who resigned from Wizengamot in protest against the High Inquistor appointment, is apparently friends with Neville's gran. Daily Prophet snidely said she had links with "subversive goblin groups".

Harold Dingle and his powdered dragon claw and Eddie Carmichael and his brain stimulant trade XD

also ron mothering Hermione asking her to eat a decent meal so she can have good sleep <3

ooh, Hermione wondering if she did justice on Cheering Charms (its the lesson she missed in POA when she lost track of time). I wonder if not attending the actual class makes her feel nervous, and not like she had enough time with the information.

Umbridge's "nasty smile" when she sees Harry's patronus in DADA exam: a hint towards her actual involvement in sending Dementors after Harry.

The confrontation between Hagrid, Umbridge and McGonagall is beautifully written. Really love the atmosphere here with the use of lights from the castle, the hut, the moon over the darkness of the lawn to set up the mood of the scene. The moment McGonagall was lit by the stunning spells sent at her? Eerie.

Harry staring at Parvati's hair while sleep-deprived in history exam cos there was something gold in it. He sure likes shiny hair.

there is a question in history of magic exam about how legislation of wand: whether it better controlled the goblin riots in 18th century. The politics of this is brought up in Deathly Hallows, where griphook brings up how wizards have denied other creatures rights of expanding their magical powers by refusing to share wandlore.

Harry's sheer blinding panic and fear in this chapter hurts to read.

I actually really love how bad the communication is between Harry and Hermione in this chapter. Where, in her desperation to stop him, she calls out his "saving the people thing" in an effort to make him understand that Voldemort's playing into an instinct in Harry, and Harry obviously feels stupid about the way she calls it out and thinks she is criticising it as a an attention seeking thing. It makes him less sympathetic to her appeal that it could be a trap, but the scene anyway ends with him conceding to check with her and recognising her offer to come with him to Umbridge's office as "mark of loyalty."

Kreacher's hands are injured cos he injured Buckbeak. There was a lovely Tumblr post I read about this moment, about how combination of Sirius' indifferent cruelty (towards kreacher) and love (for Buckbeak, Harry) is what pushed him towards the events of his death. It perfectly captures his duality.

The conversation between Snape and Umbridge is hilarious. Snape offering his sympathies to Umbridge in case she wanted to poison Harry ("venoms act too fast to give victims time for truth telling"), the ironic bow before he leaves and telling Crabbe to loosen his hold on Neville because if he suffocates, there will be "lots of tedious paperwork" LOL.

Harry noticing that Hermione was not really crying immediately, and knowing that she is scheming XD These two will be a force in the Ministry. Imagine Harry looking at Hermione trapping someone ina courtroom and being like, "yeah, saw that one a mile away. Sucks to be you buddy."

Man, Hermione is having quite a day. Her inexperience with a plan she is making up as she goes along showed, as well as her putting her foot in her mouth. Umbridge is a threat she has known and assessed well, the centaurs, less so. She will grow from this in DH, when she makes bigger elaborate plans with failsafes on the spot. (For example, the Lovegoods escape)

Ginny being astonished that a herd of centaurs left Harry and Hermione behind - suggesting familiarity with the centaur ways. Interesting character note! (also how her and Luna also clearly pay attention in Care of Magical Creatures, as they both remind the trio of Thestral traits - that they are good for finding places riders are looking for, and Harry and Hermione being covered in blood will lure more of them). I wouldnt have paid attention to this detail without @whinlatter lovely WIP "Beasts".

Chapter 34, 35,36,37,38

Proof of Ron, Hermione and Ginny's loyalty and gutsiness: they are willing to ride an invisible horse for hours in the air to help Harry. (also Luna is so cute, sitting all in side saddle)

Harry thinking the veil had a strange beauty to it, and that he felt a strong inclination to walk through it is an indication of his fascination with death. He isn't the only one: Luna, Neville, Ginny are all similarly entranced. Only Ron and Hermione are not and they drag everyone away.

Sirius' knife, Harry's gift is melted by the Love Room in Department of Mysteries :(

Ginny wanting to watch the bird's progress is so cute. Such a lovely detail - I never noticed this interest in creatures before. But she consistently thinks in terms of animals, she even thought the brains they initially saw were fish. ("his eyes are as green as fresh pickled toad" anyone?)

how interesting that the Prophecy Hall is beyond the room full of Time-Turners.

interesting note of how some prophecies having liquid glow (Harry's felt warm as he touched it) and how some prophecies were blown out like a night bulb. Could indicate that the events they had foretold have come to pass etc.

I love during the entire conversation with Death Eaters, you can feel Harry being hypervigilant. He notices the shifts in Bellatrix speaking and makes decisions - once he speaks Voldemort's name, he holds the prophecy tighter because given that he riled her, he expected an attempt to take it from him. And then of course, he is very "improvise. adapt. overcome" with the plan to smash shelves.

Harry's athleticism shines in these chapters where he is elbowing and ducking around Death Eater attacks, launching himself on top of them, heaving Ron when he is out and flinging him when he needs to help the others, rolling over tables to get to doors quick XD

Neville kicking aside fragments of his father's old wand when he carries Hermione. It's his "I'm gonna be my own person not defined by my father's legacy" moment, a parallel to Harry's own in this book.

I love the tiny detail that Tonks is above on the steps, firing spells down at Bellatrix. The distance she keeps, and the detail of Bellatrix and Andromeda resembling each other to the point they could be mistaken for each other, adds such a layer to this detail.

Sirius and Bellatrix are so caught up in their battle that they dont even notice that Dumbledore had arrived. Speaks to their personal history and intensity of their duel.

Harry's child-like denial is utterly heartbreaking. The way he thinks that Remus doesn't understand because he had heard whispers behind the veil, and surely people are hiding there, and that Sirius is just hiding. It is the most child-like he has been and it breaks my heart.

Remus' voice breaking as he struggled to contain Harry, speaking as though every word caused him pain, or just not being able to look at the veil:(

The moment Harry is angry that Sirius would keep him waiting. It is such a childish, entitled reaction. The boy who never expects anything from his adult figures feels like he has the space to be mad at Sirius for keeping him waiting - and then realises, that Sirius would never keep him waiting. And that's how he knows Sirius is dead.

Harry laughing at Bellatrix right after Sirius' death ("a mad laugh to match her own"): the boy really is his godfather's godson.

Bellatrix loves Voldemort, but also fears Voldemort. The moment he comes - Sirius turns from the mocking "dear cousin" to "Animagus Black." She is super keen to distance herself from Sirius in front of him and it calls to the scene later in Deathly Hallows, where she claims she never laid eyes on Andromeda after she ran away.

"We both know there are other ways of destroying a man. Merely taking your life would not satisfy me, I must admit" - contrast this with Deathly Hallows, where Dumbledore leads Harry away from Voldemort's maimed soul in the limbo. Harry feels pity for it, and even tries to save Voldemort, but Dumbledore is beyond that and this scene conveys it.

"And I'll see Sirius again.." it's not only Harry's love for Sirius that drives Voldemort out of his body, but it is also his very raw desire for death. Something he wishes once again, when he is at his parents' graves. (it is this passive ideation that Hermione grasps at the grave and why Harry's desire for Resurrection Stone terrifies her)

"You've been chasing the wrong man for 12 months, it's time you listened to sense!" Dumbledore's feelings of Sirius' fate are also encapsulated in this line. He claims responsibility for Sirius' fate next chapter, but his anger and guilt at Sirius' death is clear here.

Harry's intense guilt and hatred for himself, where he had never before wished he was someone else so intensely, that he was trapped inside his body and mind. It is this guilt, even though he expresses them this chapter, that he will carry with him in HBP and it will come out in moments like strangling Mundungus for perceived disrespect to Sirius.

"I know how you're feeling Harry" "No you dont" : it is both Harry lashing out his intense self-hatred, but also his feelings of abandonment. In his mind, if Dumbledore understood his feelings, he would not have "abandoned" him through the summer or the year. So this moment of Dumbledore reaching out in solidarity after a year of freezing him out makes Harry angry.

Harry just demolishing his office, and Dumbledore remaining calm and detached through it, until Harry himself matches Dumbledore's tone to let him out. Such a well written scene.

The chapter is good illumination of how Dumbledore's distance/detachment and big picture thinking and how it hurts people: Dumbledore locking Sirius and Harry up (Harry shouting this back at him must be a painful reminder of his time with his sister), Snape not overcoming his feelings ("some wounds run too deep for healing").

"I alone could prevent this, and I alone must be strong" - How Dumbledore rationalises his decisions, the weight of the guilt he carries, the calculations he must make. # war general.

"He saw himself in you before he had ever seen you": Voldemort destroying everyone and everything that reminds him of who he is. Strange likenesses from Voldemort is not a compliment, when he wants to be extraordinary, special and unique.

Harry thinking that if only he had just pulled back the veil, he would have seen Sirius greeting him with a laugh like a bark :(

Dumbledore trying to repair Harry's feelings of abandonment by telling him why he didn't choose Harry as a prefect.

Fred and George sending Ron mountains of Chocolate frog after the Ministry fiasco to express their care, in a book where they were harder on him is <3

Ah, that subtle implication that Harry spent hours by the lake, crying about his godfather until the sunset. :( It is gorgeously subtle writing - him getting up at sunset, and wiping his face on his sleeve.

The way the book twists our innards with Harry opening Sirius' gift. :( and how Harry hopes again, and when the hope shatters, he throws the mirror. But it is the very same mirror shard, Sirius' gift that will enable Dobby to help the trio out of the manor, where Harry would ask for help because he saw a parental figure's eye (Dumbledore).

Luna validating Harry's feeling that they were just lurking out of sight, behind the veil and it is this connection with death and understanding of afterlife that comforts Harry. That he will see Sirius again.

[katsushika-division]

ARB Birthday Special 2024: Akihisa Mashiro

~~ October 19th ~~

“Nothing is not only nothing. It is also our prison.”

Login Lines:

“Seems like we have an unexpected visitor. How quaint. Now explain why you are here or else.” 

“A gift? Ah yes, it seems like that time of year has once again sprung upon me. I suppose thank you for the present.”

Voice Lines: 

“Another year has passed and again Touya wishes to celebrate my birthday. Frankly, today is just another day for me. I had hoped to let it pass without any sort of merriment. *sigh* I should’ve known Touya counts down the days to our birthdays. He’s dedicated. I'll give him that.”

“As much as I hate admitting it, I'm surprised I can still move as well as I do. My long career as a hitman left me with many injuries some of which should have left me disabled especially those given to me by that damned Black Dahlia. Still, I refuse to let it drag me down.” 

“Even my parole officer wished me a “Happy Birthday” today with that aggravating smile of his. The man truly gets off at having three of the worst criminals ever chained like dogs to him. He’s quite lucky I’m not able to make him regret many of the things he’s done so far.” 

“Mother, sometimes I wonder if you’re staring down at me from above. Do you shed tears at what has become of your son? A killer with a body count high enough to reach the heavens. *chuckles* I suppose I won’t ever know since I won’t be joining you up there in heaven Mother when I finally croak.”

“Hello, Touya. Yes yes, how foolish of me to forget my birthday. You do know I don’t entirely care for it, right? Frightening how you can switch from cheerful to mad at the drop of a hat Touya. *sighs* Fine but only because you insist on giving me a gift. So let me see it.” 

“How did you even make this Touya? You shouldn’t have been able to sign up for the class. Just be careful Touya. I dare not imagine the frenzy people will throw when they realize ‘The Sweetheart Killer” is next to them. It is a nice gift Touya. Thank you. I truly appreciate it.”

“Here to deliver a gift Rintaro?  Knowing you? You came here just to tell me that you burned the backyard again and after last year’s gift, I’m hesitant to see what you got me this year. You shouldn’t be breaking any law at all Rintaro. Are you trying to get caught? Fine, hand it over.”

“This is a jab at my age isnt it Rintaro? You little shit. Closer to 50 or not I’m still in better shape than most other people my age. I’m 205cm Rintaro of course my bones crack at that height, especially after the things I’ve done. …Go, just go, just staring at you is starting to piss me off.”

Touya Lines:

“Happy Birthday Hisa-Chan! You almost let it pass but don’t worry I remembered! I don’t care it’s your birthday and we’re gonna celebrate it Hisa-chan! I refuse to let you or Rin-chan’s grumpiness stop you from celebrating your birthdays! Now you’re gonna accept my gift whether you like it or not. *giggles* So here! I hope you like it!”

“Ta-da! I took a ceramics class a while back and I know you like coffee so I made you a mug! Come on Hisa-chan! You know I’m really good at make-up and it’s not that hard to disguise myself. Aww I just wanted to make you something special tho. It is, isn't it? The skull is a nice touch if I do say so myself. No problem Hisa-chan~!”

Rintaro Lines:

“Happy Birthday you old bastard. What else could I fucking be here for? What’s that fucking look for? Wow, see if I ever break any fucking laws for you again. I’ll break any law I fucking want Old Man and dont worry your grouchy ass I won’t get caught. Now here. Enjoy it or whatever.”

“…Pfft! Hahahaha! Come on Old Man, you're closer to 50 than 40. You’re no fucking spring chicken anymore. Besides, don’t pretend I can’t hear your fucking bones creak every time you stand up. Like damn Old Man you’re really living up to your title. So I got you some damn Icyhot for your old ass. Ha! Later!” 

[lemonmaid]

I kinda imagine Vil as a borderline Almond mom/wine mom personality.

Arrange but happy marriage with Leona, who acts like those dads in those 90s rom-coms, "Yes dear 🙄" or letting you have his black card, "use your own money? No let daddy pay for it".

Imagine this AU where Vil was a successful actor and model in his younger days, now pushing forty a successful fashion designer.

Leona "was" the heir to a successful family business that had been around for a few centuries, but was cut off after the paparazzi took some compromising photos of him in college, causing his family to quickly cut him off and publicly denounce him. Giving him a wake-up call, he quickly studied law, graduating early, getting his own law firm where he has spent five years conjuring a 500-page defamation lawsuit and a will contest.

He and Vil met at a social gathering.

Leona rest against the wall, staring at everyone in the room, watching.

He did notice a certain blonde eyeing him since he walked into the room, but who wasn't? This is the first time he has been to a social gathering since the press release.

Leona took another sip of his glass, "Leona Kingscholar correct?".

Leona eyed the blonde, "Yeah, you're the actor right?".

Vil rolled his eyes, "Yes, Vil. Vil Schoenheit".

Leona shooked Vil's hand, before going back and looking at the crowd. Vil joined him on the wall, sipping his glass.

"Vil Schoenheit you say? Hmmm you don't suppose your the same Schoenheit who pushed his competition off the runway stage?" Leona side eyed.

Vil remained quiet, taking a huge gulp of his rosè, "allegedly".

Leona chuckled, "allegedly".

Vil smiled at him, "I come with a proposal".

Leona raised his eyebrow, "I'm listening".

The next month the two had the most extravagant wedding, competeing against Ashlynn and one of the Charming brothers.

Small imagined conversations:

Vil: "stop scowling, you're gonna get crow's feat".

Leona: "Yes dear".

♡

Vil: *getting ready for bed with five different creams on his face and using a quarz roller* " I mean, did you see what she was wearing tonight? Everyone knows you don't put brown on brown, you put brown on creme and then make it lighter, ugh it's like her PR team didn't even care- this was a black tie event".

Leona: *wearing his reading glasses, already in bed, reading papers* "mhm".

Vil: "Ugh don't get me started with the wine the event had, absolutely dreadful. Be glad Jamil wasn't there, he would've made a scene immediately".

Leona: "You're right dear".

Vil: "I know I am".

♡

*the two publicy shopping after getting married*

Vil: *grimacing* "who is your wardrobe manager? This isnt the 1970s- plaid suits are... bleh. Come Brioni is over on the corner".

Leona: *rolling his eyes*.

Vil: *looking at the store's around them* "if we ever have kids, I will rather then be caught wearing Louxs Vuxtton than ever wearing a... Jucci item".

♡

*their adopted sons Ruggie and Epel*.

The two were rough housing all day, to the point where they broke Vil's secound favorite mirror.

Vil: *eyebrow twitching* "just wait until your father gets home!".

*later*

Leona: *rubbing his temple* "How I both give you $50 bucks each to pretend to walk out of this room crying and you promise not to break anything for the next three months".

Ruggie and Epel are somehow being raised by the same parent but have different personalities. Epel is still fighting on everything; meanwhile, Ruggie acts like the sibling who is doing everything right but is constantly sneaky. (Just like their normal personas in the game but like they were raised by Leona and Vil).

Currently, Ruggie and Epel are banned from 54 country clubs, each time they ask the staff to call "daddy" (Leona) to bail them out. They don't wanna be embarrassed by their Karen like mummy (Vil).

*last time they asked Vil to get them*

Vil: "I'm sorry? What did you assumed they did?"

Staff: "sir, they both stole food from other people's tables".

Vil: "how were they supposed to know that wasn't theirs?"

Staff: "they... were labeled?"

Vil: "Oh please, we don't need this! My husband is a lawyer!".

Idk something about Mom! Vil and Dad! Leona raising Epel and Ruggie as their bratty, spoiled rich kids itches my brain.