#lets also just forget that usagi is in his 30s

[themattress]

The 30 WORST Sailor Moon Episodes

Leaving off Sailor Stars altogether, because that whole series would fit here.

"Learn How to Be Skinny from Usagi"

Sukehiro Tomita. Great head writer, usually fantastic script writer. What the fuck, man? This is the second episode you penned? While it has a great climax with Usagi kicking a bunch of mind-controlled bodybuilders' asses and Jadeite actually succeeding in his energy gathering mission, but that doesn't excuse all of the body-shaming bullshit that came before, portraying all girls and women as caring about fitness to stay beautiful rather than to stay healthy. It also kind of sabotages the following episode, as it's difficult to give a shit about Shingo after this.

"A Girl's Dream: Usagi Becomes a Bride"

There was some shakiness in Nephrite's first five episodes, but nothing outright bad save for this middle one. It's got the same, clueless "this is what women are like, amirite?" attitude as the previous episode on the list, but in this case it may be even worse because it's the lone woman writer on the staff, Megumi Sugihara, who wrote it! Man, it was bad enough for poor Rei's character to start dating Mamoru in the previous episode; this does her even dirtier.

"Usagi's Confusion: Is Tuxedo Mask Evil?"

That title sure makes this episode sound exciting, doesn't it? Well, if you believe that, then you were swindled. The majority of this episode is about a bizarre Dark Kingdom barbershop ploy to find Sailor Moon, which fails because their machine somehow picks out a stray hair of hers that got on Minako over all of Minako's actual hair, so they think she's Sailor Moon! When Evil Tuxedo Mask does show up, he's kind of underwhelming and the characters seem to brush off the supposed seriousness of the situation at the end, which is a far cry from how things were in the manga. It's the start of the worst stretch of episodes in the original show.

"Let's Become a Princess: Usagi's Bizarre Training"

This episode is a perfect example of an Idiot Plot: the Dark Kingdom are idiots by putting together an expensive princess seminar in the hopes that Sailor Moon will attend just because she knows she was a princess in the past life, Sailor Moon is an idiot who does attend even though being a princess has no bearing on her present day life, her friends are idiots by attending as well for no reason, Evil Tuxedo Mask is an idiot for interfering because he thinks it should be done a different way, Kunzite is an idiot for just squabbling with him over it instead of asserting his authority, and the Monster-of-the-Week is an idiot for letting the squabble distract her and allow Sailor Moon to just waltz right up and purify her. Idiots!

"The Snow, the Mountains, Friendship and Monsters"

First off, how dare this title rip off the far superior "The Summer, the Beach, Youth and Ghosts", making one think it might be another fun breather episode like that when instead it's another asinine Dark Kingdom plan to expose Sailor Moon's identity, this time assuming she'll win a ski race for a "princess" title just because she's a princess, forgetting that Sailor Moon's clumsiness was a big factor in determining who she might be in the previous episode. But even worse than that is how some legit good bonding between Usagi and Rei is totally thrown out by the ending, where Rei reaches peak Adaptational Jerkass mode even when it no longer makes the remotest of sense given all they've been through and what they now know!

"Paired with a Monster: Mako, the Ice Skating Queen"

Didn't we just have an ice sport-based episode? And didn't we just have a Dark Kingdom plan that stupidly forgot the whole "Sailor Moon is clumsy" fact? Add to this Makoto beginning the Flanderization of her character just being about "sempai!", the Monsters-of-the-Week reaching new levels of unfitting campiness, and Evil Tuxedo Mask teaming up with the Sailor Senshi despite insisting he's so totally evil now, and you have a lame, forgettable episode.

"The Legendary Lake Yokai: The Bond of Usagi's Family"

This episode hurts because it has a great set-up with Usagi and her family taking a camping trip, and the Autumn forest they camp in is a beautiful location. Even the myth of the lake monster is great and holds some interesting parallels to what Sailor Moon is going through. But guess who shows up and ruins it: "Evil" Endymion, who teams up with the Sailor Senshi yet again because of his own stupidity, all while Kunzite floats around watching and doing nothing because the writers have just given up on him, I guess. It's just such a damn waste!

"Usagi Devastated: Mamoru Declares a Break-Up"

One of the most notorious episodes in the anime. Mamoru has dreams of disaster befalling Usagi and a voice telling him this is the future if he stays with her, so he just breaks up with her without explaining his reasons. Worse still is that the excuse he gives, that being lovers in a past life doesn't mean they should be lovers now, is a fair point and could have been interesting to explore if it was said with any validity. But as it stands, it's the first of several episodes where we have the "joy" of watching Usagi cry and grovel before Mamoru as he acts cold and heartless toward her while inwardly bemoaning that he has to do so but it's for her own good. It's the subplot that understandably killed the Usagi/Mamoru ship for many.

"The Beach, the Island and a Vacation: The Guardians' Break"

Once again the title suggests something along the lines of "The Summer, the Beach, Youth and Ghosts", and this time the writers do actually make that attempt. But then we get three major strikes: the fact that more time is spent showing off the girls in bikinis than doing any story or character work, the main plot centering around Chibiusa befriending a baby dinosaur which just feels out of place for this series, and the battle the Sailor Senshi end up fighting being against....a volcano. Yes, a mundane, non-sentient, lava-spewing volcano. Yeesh!

"Awaken the Sleeping Beauty: Mamoru's Distress"

The break-up subplot returns to the forefront, and this might just be the worst episode to feature it, since Mamoru reaches new levels of douchiness by taking Motoki's younger sister for a ride on his motorcycle and actively trying to make Usagi believe that they're now a couple. His behavior toward Usagi has been bad enough, but actively using an innocent like Unazuki in an attempt to hurt Usagi ("for her own good", of course) is scummy beyond belief. And it poisons the following episode by depicting this kind of behavior as remotely justified.

"Magic of Darkness: Esmeraude's Invasion"

That image kind of says it all. Once again the writing staff's lone women turns out an astonishingly sexist episode, one where Esmeraude, the big badass villainess taking over from Rubeus, is treated as if she were one of the Ayakashi Sisters: setting up a hair-brained scheme on Earth, wearing a gaudy disguise, pigging out on sweets and getting publicly embarrassed over it, hitting on Tuxedo Mask even when that makes zero sense for her to do given her fixation on Prince Demande, and having her over-the-top laughter treated as something legit damaging to the Sailor Senshi as a gag. On her behalf, I am offended.

"Shared Feelings: Usagi and Mamoru in Love Once Again"

This episode at least finally ends the break-up subplot, but the subplot is still bad regardless of how it resolves itself and the fact that it's been allowed to go on this long is a testament to how badly series director Kunihiko Ikuhara wanted to taint Mamoru's character and his relationship with Usagi in the eyes of viewers since he personally didn't care for either.

"Venus Minako's Nurse Mayhem"

This episode is the start of Minako's Flanderization, and while it's far from the worst case of it, it's not the best either. She feels like she's her Codename Sailor V self and not her Sailor Venus self. It doesn't help that the episode continues degrading Esmeraude for laughs.

"Artemis' Adventure: The Monster Animal Kingdom"

See the above, but swap out "Minako" with "Artemis". These back-to-back episodes sucked.

"I Want to Quit Being a Sailor Guardian: Minako's Dilemma"

An even worse case of Minako regressing as a character. Struggling with her position as one of the Sailor Senshi and falling head over heels for a handsome teen volleyball star feels like it would come straight out of Codename Sailor V, but not out of Sailor Moon where Minako is the most firmly committed to the cause. It does her character such an incredible disservice.

"Shadow of Silence: The Pale Glimmer of a Firefly"

It's not your fault, Hotaru - it's the writers and director. Their decision to hold off on one of the Infinity arc's most pivotal characters, if not the most pivotal, until the back half and squeeze as much as they can into those episodes really hurts this one. As nice as Hotaru is, we still barely know her after only two episodes and all of a sudden the show is throwing all this shit about her at us and demanding that we be invested. Mimete is also starting to grate as an antagonist, as her shenanigans are completely out of tone with the rest of the episode.

"Sunny Skies After a Storm: A Friendship Dedicated to Hotaru"

Much like the episode with the Lake Yokai, this one has a good premise: a trip with Usagi, Mamoru and Chibiusa sounds fantastic since the three of them work well off each other. But Hotaru gets shoehorned in for no good reason because she's taken over the show due to its bad pacing, and then Mimete shows up with a scheme utilizing a plant-based Daimon. Hmmm, I dunno, don't we have another Witches 5 member who would be better suited for this plot? One who is all about plants? Remind me: why are we still stuck with Mimete!?

"Higher and Stronger: A Cheer from Usagi"

More shoving of Hotaru to the forefront, more of Mimete being an incompetent villain. Sigh.

"The Messiah of Silence Awakens? Stars of Destiny"

So we've known for some time now that Hotaru is the Messiah of Silence and now the characters learn it, but it's also discovered that she's Sailor Saturn too! That seems...backwards from how it was in the manga. But far worse than that is the Outer Senshi trying to murder Hotaru because...it's easier than just extracting the Messiah of Silence from her innocent host, and because they've heard spooky things about Sailor Saturn that have caused them bad dreams. Yeah, that's it. In the manga, the Outer Senshi seeking to kill Hotaru was nuanced and based upon valid reasoning. Here, they're just being assholes.

"A Heart-Snatching Demon Flower: Tellu, the Third Witch"

Oh look, there's Tellu! .......Well, bye! It was nice barely knowing you, I guess!

Seriously, this post sums it up better than I could.

"A New Life: Parting of the Stars of Destiny"

Here it is: Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune's big send-off. And how do they spend it? By attacking Usagi because even though she saved the world, she risked it to begin with....even though her risking it was literally the only reason it was saved. But they claim she's not "strong" enough to be a princess and leader because of her idealism...but once she kicks their asses, they say it was all just a test, even though they also seem to know she is the Messiah. The only way I can make sense of it is that they went in knowing full well how this would end, but did it anyway because they were that pissed off at Usagi and her idealism proving them and their edgelord cynicism blatantly wrong and wanted to let out steam by attacking her, with the whole "it was just a test, brah!" as their pre-prepared excuse to save face afterward. It's amazing how two characters I started out adoring get a send-off where all I can think is "finally; good fucking riddance". It's such shameful character assassination.

"A Guardian’s Realization: Strength Lies Within a Pure Heart"

This is the final episode of S and Sukehiro Tomita's last written episode, having already stepped down from the head writer position midway through S, and it's....the ending to the Black Moon arc of the manga. There's a Daimon thrown in for no good reason, but otherwise it's adapting the previous arc's conclusion at the end of this arc, and it just does not work. It only gets worse in hindsight: such a big emotional deal made out of Chibiusa "saying goodbye" except not really because she immediately comes back, only for her real goodbye to end up happening entirely off-screen. It makes one wish she really had been sent off here!

"The Perfect Couple: Usagi and Mamoru's Love"

A contender for perhaps the biggest lie of an episode title ever; we ain't forgetting that break-up arc, Ikuhara. But this episode doesn't harm Usagi or Mamoru...it's Chibiusa who is ruined here! Mamoru starts hanging out with a "mature woman" friend from college and while Usagi is unconcerned (don't worry, she'll backtrack on this attitude two episodes down this list!), Chibiusa becomes convinced Mamoru will choose her over the "immature" Usagi and thus she'll never be born, leading to a scene where she just viciously goes off on Usagi on how inferior she is to the other woman, to the point of even saying she wishes the other woman was her mother instead! Chibiusa would never fucking say this. Ugh, it's episodes like this in this series where I can totally get the hate she's historically received. Its only saving grace is of course the villains: French!Tiger's Eye and the unforgettable Phuku the Balloon Lady.

"Artemis is Cheating? Enter the Mysterious Kitten"

We spend the whole episode dealing with unfunny misunderstandings about Artemis being in love with a human woman or having fathered a child in an affair with another cat, with the end result being the introduction of their future child Diana...who should have been introduced back in the Black Moon arc and whose appearance here in the present is nonsensical. Look, writers, you missed your chance. Just accept that and don't even bother with Diana at all.

"Protect Mamoru: Ninja Usagi's Jealousy"

Remember how in the first series, Rei's antagonism toward Usagi could be carried too far? Oh how the tables have turned. Mamoru ends up forced to crash at Rei's temple for a few days, and Usagi goes absolutely ballistic, losing all faith in her boyfriend and best friend by being convinced Rei will try to steal Mamoru back since they dated a long time ago. She thus becomes "the Red Ninja of Love" who won't leave poor Rei alone. How am I supposed to buy into these relationships when Usagi is like this even after all they've been through together?

"Aiming for the Top: The Pretty Swordswoman's Dilemma"

Sometimes, child abuse can be justified!

Yeah, that's it. That's the episode. Moving on...

"Believe in Pegasus: The Four Guardians' Super Transformation"

One of SuperS' biggest problems is that all of the Sailor Senshi's powers have been stripped away from them and, rather than get them back on their own like in the manga, they have to rely on Pegasus to dole them out. This episode is just rubbing the viewer's face in this fact, showing how the Senshi are useless unless they "believe" in this goddamn horse. Once again the villains manage to make something out of what is otherwise an infuriating episode.

"Become a Prima: Usagi's Ballet"

At first glance, there isn't much separating this episode from any of the other formulaic episodes in SuperS. But there is one major problem with this one: Fish Eye gets robbed. We're supposed to be happy about the conclusion the characters-of-the-day arrive at, but every word of what Fish Eye says about it is true! Fish Eye is clearly the better dancer, the guy was using her if he insisted on personally practicing with her all while "neglecting to mention" that he never intended on casting anyone but his love interest in the lead role, and the logic behind his decision making is a bunch of pretentious garbage simply used to justify his personal bias and favoritism. Fish Eye did nothing wrong here, but we're supposed to cheer her unjust personal defeat because she's the villain. Yeah, no. Fuck that asshole!

"Clash of Dreams: Minako and Makoto's Broken Friendship"

An episode about Minako and Makoto clashing was already done and done better back in R. That they're clashing so childishly now is once again showing how much of a disservice is being done to the characters and the relationships they've built. It's particularly bad here because it's not over differing philosophies like before, but over a guy. No...just no. Once again the villains, in this case the Amazoness Quartet, are the only thing that's worthwhile.

"Pegasus Disappears: Wavering Friendship"

So it's bad enough that the Senshi can't get by without Pegasus in SuperS. But now we have Chibiusa confronting him on how he's needlessly not given much information about himself and his situation, and rather than depict Pegasus as in the wrong for this, Chibiusa is shamed for "not believing" in him, as if friendship that's a one-way street is totally fine and that she should just let this guy keep his secrets while remaining an open book to him emotionally. This is such a bad and downright creepy message to send. Helios, the anime did you dirty.

[random-mailbox]

Random-Mailbox's Favorite Sailor Moon Fics - Week 43 - Fluff

Today’s post is just something fun to offset quarter-end / month-end stress (for me at least?) and see how adorable fandom makes our favorite duo.  

Also, don't forget to check out the prompts for @usamamoweek2023! We are 3 weeks away!

@smquickies2023 prompts came out yesterday too - that event is taking place August 6-12 (and is open to any SM pairings).

As always, my apologies in advance for spoiling some of these for you (Fic Titles are linked to either FFN or AO3 entries).

Usagi the Spectaphile - @ninjettetwitch

Stuck in quarantine, Usagi is very much turned on by Mamoru and how ridiculously sexy he looks in his glasses. 

Custody - @uglygreenjacket

Continuation of her amazing story - Hikari 27 - Usagi makes an innocent suggestion of introducing Luna and Artemis, unprepared for the chaos it sets off.

The Space Between: Chapter 12: Miracle - @uglygreenjacket

Usagi comes over to Mamoru’s place, asking him to let her make him something to eat, much to his trepidation.

Key to My Heart - @idesofnovember

To minimize impact on his neighbors and make his life easier, Mamoru decides that Usagi should have her own key to his place, not realizing how much that would mean to her.

snowflakes on her eyelashes - sailor-elsa

After a terrible day at work, between his patient and his colleagues' "humour", Mamoru voices what makes Usagi so special to him.

Fluffy Pancakes - thetroll

Adorable little one shot of Mamoru taking care of Usagi after yet another battle.

---

That's it for this week! Next Monday's post will cover "First Kiss" fics.

Here are the links to the previous Tumblr posts in these series to explore more amazing works based on different themes - make sure to check them out if you haven't had a chance! (Click on title name to go to the post) - I will keep updating the list every week as new posts come up:

Week 1 - Groundhog Day

Week 2 - Established Relationships

Week 3 - Sex Positivity

Week 4 - Unfinished Stories

Week 5 - Darker Stories

Week 6 - Potions 🧪

Week 7 - Reveals

Week 8 - 👻Halloween🎃

Week 9 - Wrong Perceptions

Week 10 - Non-Senshi AU

Week 11 - In-Progress Fics

Week 12 - Mutual Pining

Week 13 - Enemies to Lovers

Week 14 - Slow Burn

Week 15 - Christmas Part 1 - Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Santa!

Week 16 - Christmas Part 2

Week 17 - New Years

Week 18 - High School AU

Week 19 - Slice of Life

Week 20 - Coffee shop AU

Week 21 - Huddle for Warmth

Week 22 - Friends to Lovers

Week 23 - ❤️Valentines Day❤️

Week 24 - Do a Grouch a Favour Day (or Cheer Up Fics)

Week 25 - Soulmate AU

Week 26 - Amnesia Fics (and resources)

Week 27 - 🍀St Patrick's Day🍀

Week 28 - Fix it Fics

Week 29 - Prompt: Mug

Week 30 - Flowers

Week 31 - Traditions

Week 32 - Dreams

Week 33 - Friends

Week 34 - Body-Swap

Week 35 - Medical Assistance

Week 36 - Sex Pollen

Week 37 - Psychometry

Week 38 - What If

Week 39 - Missing Scenes Part I

Week 40 - Green Jacket

Week 41 - Dr Chiba

Week 42 - Birthdays

[cozywithjoy]

☁️ Joy's Cozy Week 😶‍🌫️

Monday, 7.15.2024 - Sunday, 7.21.2024

🎵 You’ll be alright I know that you’ve made up your mind I’ve changed mine one too many times And it’s just a bad night 🎶

I'M NOT BUSY, YOU'RE BUSY! <3 Please note, I won't be streaming on my channel for Monday, but I will be live at a friend's stream! <3 Links in bio!

Monday, July 15, 2024 5:30 PM PST [Twitch]

☕ Coffee Talk, over at NebaNatsuki's with Zer0! ☕

Neba and Zer0 have started their Coffee Talk journey, and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to jump in on their coffee adventures! Neba is also in the middle of her donothon, so grab a seat in the cafe, enjoy the voiceacting shenanigans, and give all the love to precious slime girl!

Tuesday, July 16, 2024 6:00 PM PST [Twitch]

🗝️ KH Birth By Sleep, over at Ribbotsaur's! 🗝️

Ribbotsaur is continuing his KH series, and he is the midst of Birth By Sleep! I'll be hopping on this adventure with Ribbot, and I'm so excited to go through Roxas- I MEAN VENTUS' STORY! cough cough

Wednesday, July 17, 2024 5:30 PM PST [Twitch]

🎤 Stray Gods: Orpheus DLC 🎸 Joined by the amazing Cursin_Kakashi, TheDiceAreCast & TheUndyingPrince!

We'll be continuing the Stray Gods adventure and following Hermes (voiced by the talented Erika Ishii) and Orpheus (voiced by the renown Anthony Rapp)! What musical adventure awaits us??

Thursday, July 18, 2024 6:00 PM PST [Twitch]

💚 Cozy Sims 4 Time with Joy 💚

It's a busy week. Let Joy slowdown a bit with one of her all-time favorite sim game, The Sims 4. Funnily enough, I have yet to play this game on stream. I am no expert by any means, but I casually dab into this game when I can. And I'm looking forward to mostly building/decorating and getting cozy with everyone; maybe make a sim or family~

Friday, July 19, 2024 7:30 PM PST [Twitch]

🐺 Okami, over at Zer0PM's! 🖌️

CozywithZer0, Zer0withSus, CozywithSus, Zer0withJoy - whatever you wanna call it - WE'RE BACK with the Okami shenanigans! It's my first playthrough, and Zer0 and I are having a blast with y'all with this classic game. With Zer0's master artistry and my nighttime sus, we'll make it through! Wait… See you there!

🍺 Double Featured Tavern Talk WEEKEND! 🍻

Saturday, July 20, 2024 1:30 PM PST [Twitch]

Tavern Talk, over at Yume Usagi's with friends!

Our favorite neighborhood bunny 🐰 has put together her own cast for Tavern Talk, and I'm so excited to be a part of her tavern adventures! So join the tavern shenanigans and don't forget to roll for rizz!

Sunday, July 21, 2024 4:00 PM PST [Twitch]

Tavern Talk, over at Desandra Kao's with friends!

The beautiful sky celestial goddess 🌟 is ready to take on the talks of Taverns, and she's called upon adventuring folks along for the quests, including me! Enter the tavern, prepare them dice, and drink up the lovely atmosphere that we bring!

Please check out all the amazing friends! Links above and in bio!~ Check out my discord and twitter where I regularly update on schedule. See you at all the things :3

Twitch Twitter/X Tiktok Youtube Instagram LinkTree

Have a cozy timezone! <3

[dina-lani]

i saw @mariathejedi8875 incorrect tmnt quote (here) and it was too hilarious not to draw 😂

[jippy-kandi]

Digimon Adventure 02 Blood Types (+ Astrology)

The Chosen Children (DigiDestined) in Digimon Adventure and 02 do not have official birthdays. However, Toei Animation officially gave Miyako the star sign Gemini and the blood type AB. But I’ve always focused on the astrology aspect of their source of inspiration -- and completely disregarded their blood types.

That was wrong of me. Their blood types are almost as important as their Western zodiac signs, no matter how ridiculous I think the idea is.

Taichi ‘Tai Kamiya’ Yagami: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

Hikari ‘Kari Kamiya’ Yagami: Taurus Sun, Blood Type A

Miyako ‘Yolei’ Inoue: Gemini Sun, Blood Type AB

Mimi Tachikawa: Cancer Sun, Blood Type B

Daisuke ‘Davis’ Motomiya: Leo Sun, Blood Type O

Jou ‘Joe’ Kido: Virgo Sun, Blood Type A

Ken Ichijouji: Libra Sun, Blood Type AB

Sora Takenouchi: Scorpio Sun, Blood Type O

Takeru ‘T.K.’ Takaishi: Sagittarius Sun, Blood Type B

Iori ‘Cody’ Hida: Capricorn Sun, Blood Type A

Koushirou ‘Izzy’ Izumi: Aquarius Sun, Blood Type AB

Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida: Pisces Sun, Blood Type AB

Blood types are even more popular than astrology in Japan. And, more importantly, every single anime character with an official birthday is always listed with both their star sign and their blood type. Because it matters. The blood type is there to either offset or complement the Sun sign.

I’ve recently fallen into a bit of a Sailor Moon hole (nostalgia at its finest!), and noticed that the main character, Serena (Usagi), was officially a Cancer with blood type O.

So I actually decided to look up what blood type O meant -- and it gave Serena an outgoing, friendly disposition with leadership skills.

Ah. That’s cheating! XD;

So, yeah, it only took me 20 years to really acknowledge that Miyako was given an official blood type, and that it might actually mean something, lol.

Apparently, only around 30% of people in the US know their blood types, whereas at least 90% of people in Japan know their blood types.

Yeah. Blood types are a MASSIVE DEAL in Japan (and South Korea and Taiwan . . .). Even bigger than astrology, apparently.

I still find the whole thing utterly ridiculous, but I forced myself to read up on it because I’m interested in the “origins” of the Chosen Children (character trivia is interesting to me!). Because, as Sailor Moon showed me, their blood types should either complement or offset their Sun signs.

I’ve also never thought about the “impact” of their blood types because I’ve never had an issue with identifying a character’s Sun sign. Whether an anime character with a Sun sign was introverted or extroverted was never an issue to me because, well, if you’re really knowledgeable in astrology, it’s really easy to see “through” that and see the “core” of their character anyway.

Mimi being an extroverted Cancer, for example, was never a barrier to me -- because all Sun signs can be introverted or extroverted, especially in an anime series created by writers who can do whatever they want with their characters. It’s the “skeleton” of the character that lets you know exactly which Sun sign inspired them. So I’ve always just accepted, “oh, the writer wanted to create an extroverted Cancer”, for example.

I just didn’t know that the writers actually gave a reason for their characters’ extroversion or introversion -- via their blood types.

It’s been in front of me this whole time . . . but I just ignored Miyako’s blood type because I personally think the whole blood type thing is ridiculous. I still think it is, but it was wrong of me to ignore it -- and I think anyone who is actually interested in figuring out the origin of the characters would be wrong to keep ignoring their blood types, too. It goes hand-in-hand with astrology.

Fortunately, there are only four blood types, so reading up on it was pretty easy. But, as there are only four, it’s a lot more restrictive than astrology -- and a lot of traits are contradictory, especially when you give one character a blood type, as parts of it will fit and parts of it won’t.

(This blood type system is just as bad as the Hogwarts Houses. Honestly, I never understood its popularity -- it never made sense to me and is such a terrible system. Hermione is a Gryffindor because she’s brave? So . . . all Ravenclaws are cowardly intellectuals? And not one Slytherin stayed to fight in the final battle, so all Slytherins are pure evil? OK, I’ll stop. I’ve just been disappointed in JK Rowling recently.)

Here’s one summary of the four blood types (note: there are tonnes . . . so I recommend googling for some more to get a better idea!):

Type A -- “The Farmer” Best traits: Warmest, reserved, sensible, patient, responsible, perfectionists, wise, and cautious. Worst traits: Fastidious, over-earnest, obsessive, stubborn, the least temperate, inconsiderate, jealous, cold, angry.

Type B -- “The Hunter” Best traits: Passionate, active, creative, animal-loving, flexible, cheerful, friendly and optimistic, vocalizing personality Worst traits: Irresponsible, forgetful, selfish, lazy, impatient, unreliable and "going own way".

Type AB -- “The Humanist” Best traits: Creative, calm, rational, sociable, intelligent and adaptable. Worst traits: Critical, indecisive, unforgiving, aloof and not trustable

Type O -- “The Warrior” Best traits: Confident, self-determined, ambitious, strong-willed, intuitive, agreeable, competitive and athletic. Worst traits: Unpredictable, spiteful, self-centered, cold, aggressive, arrogant, envious and ruthless.

(Source: Wikipedia)

The Japanese population consists of approximately 40% blood type As, 30% Os, 20% Bs and 10% ABs. This is actually important because the As and Os are considered the more “popular” (”socially accepted”) blood types, whereas people really consider the minority, ABs, as “weird” . . .

The associated traits are also kind of all over the place, depending on which source you’re reading. And there are a lot of them . . . so it can get pretty confusing! But I found it a lot easier and simpler to break them down into groups of introverts and extroverts:

Type A: Introverted

Type B: Extroverted

Type AB: Introverted or Extroverted (AB is A + B combined, hence, AB!)

Type O: Extroverted

I also read some anecdotal descriptions from Japanese people or people who have lived in Japan -- and what their Japanese peers think of the blood types (so a “real world” impression of them). Because it gives me a better idea of the “general opinion” from actual people (therefore a reflection of “common knowledge”), which gives me more context and understanding than just reading a set of traits.

For example, guys with blood type B are considered playboys -- so a lot of women (who believe in this crazy blood type personality indicator) generally avoid dating them. Blood Type As are considered the “stereotypical” quiet Japanese personality, blood type Os are considered the best people in general to be around, and blood type ABs are considered “weird” and social outcasts.

I even read someone saying that they’ve never seen people in Japan being discriminated against due to their star sign, but that they have seen people being discriminated against due to their blood type (usually AB). Apparently ABs don’t “play well with others” to the extent that some Japanese companies avoid hiring them. Some Japanese politician even exploded angrily at work, subsequently resigned, and his apology was, “Sorry, I’m blood type AB” . . .

Yeah. Crazy. But it gives me a really good idea of what the blood types “mean” (no, I do not believe in blood types -- I’m just seeing what the “rules” about it says!).

Because I like to be thorough, I also wanted to see the blood types “in practice” -- with Sun signs, too. So I looked up the Sun signs and blood types of some official anime examples to give me a better idea and understanding of how anime creators/writers use and execute star signs and blood types together. I think these characters are popular enough that most people would be familiar with a few of them, too.

Sailor Moon: Cancer Sun, Blood Type O

Sailor Mercury: Virgo Sun, Blood Type A

Sailor Mars: Aries Sun, Blood Type AB

Sailor Jupiter: Sagittarius Sun, Blood Type O

Sailor Venus: Libra Sun, Blood Type B

Tuxedo Mask: Leo Sun, Blood Type A

One Piece’s Luffy: Taurus Sun, Blood Type B

One Piece’s Usopp: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

One Piece’s Nami: Cancer Sun, Blood Type A

One Piece’s Zoro: Scorpio Sun, Blood Type AB

One Piece’s Sanji: Pisces Sun, Blood Type O

Naruto’s Naruto: Libra Sun, Blood Type O

Naruto’s Sasuke: Leo Sun, Blood Type AB

Naruto’s Sakura: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

Gravitation’s Yuki: Pisces Sun, Blood Type AB

Gravitation’s Shuichi: Aries Sun, Blood Type AB

I definitely understand it a lot better now. But it’s clear that they do “cheat” and just take certain aspects of a blood type to go with a zodiac sign. For example, while Sanji is an outgoing, silly Pisces, he’s not the leader of the Straw Hats.

Also, most of the ABs are the typical “dark” characters with tragic pasts . . . so social outcast is spot on.

Now let’s finally get to the Digimon characters!

I want to be clear that I am not trying to “assign” blood types to the Digimon characters. This is about determining what the Digimon Adventure/02 staff actually used as a blueprint for the characters.

For example, if I were to “assign” a blood type to Yamato in Digimon Adventure tri., I would definitely give him blood type O (for leadership abilities -- while ignoring the outgoing aspect . . . I guess his Pisces Sun “dims” it!).

But I don’t think the original staff for Adventure/02 “used” that blood type for him. I really don’t see Adventure/02 Yamato as a capable leader (but I do in tri., where he is 1000% the better leader for most of the series, over tri. Taichi).

This is about the actual source of inspiration for Yamato’s character by the original Adventure/02 staff, and not the tri. staff (who I don’t think knew that the characters were based on signs/blood types), so tri. Yamato’s personality is irrelevant to this particular discussion.

Because Toei Animation gave Miyako both a star sign and blood type (as do the majority of anime writers for their characters), and it’s 100% clear they gave star signs to all the Chosen, then they gave all the characters blood types, too. Because star signs and blood types go hand-in-hand in Japanese anime.

Taichi ‘Tai Kamiya’ Yagami: Aries Sun, Blood Type O

I think they kept it super simple with Taichi, their main character and protagonist of the entire series. Aries Sun for leadership, blood type O for leadership as well. I don’t think his Aries Sun needed to be “offset” -- he’s an outgoing person and a “warrior”, and blood type O just complements that.

Hikari ‘Kari Kamiya’ Yagami: Taurus Sun, Blood Type A

I think blood type A for her because it just complements her Taurus Sun. Type A is really the Earth equivalent in astrology, and there’s nothing about Hikari that suggests to me that she’s more than Earth (well, except when she’s taken over . . . which I think has nothing to do with her).

Miyako ‘Yolei’ Inoue: Gemini Sun, Blood Type AB

Official. Note that the blood type here just complements her Sun sign as well. Blood type AB is actually considered the equivalent to Gemini in its duality . . . so the writers here just doubled down on her duality. She’s also the more extroverted version of an AB, where they can be both.

Mimi Tachikawa: Cancer Sun, Blood Type B

She needs an extroverted blood type to offset her introverted Cancer Sun, like Sailor Moon, who is a Cancer Sun with blood type O. So B or O for Mimi -- I lean more towards B, because Mimi doesn’t have leadership qualities. And I think of her outgoing, cheerful nature as more similar to that of Takeru, rather than Taichi.

Daisuke ‘Davis’ Motomiya: Leo Sun, Blood Type O

Like Taichi, I think they went super simple with him and just gave him the leadership blood type. There’s nothing about his personality that sways away from being a stereotypical Leo -- this includes the fact that quite a few anime makes the Leo the “mean” character. Daisuke is not that mean, but compared to the others, he’s definitely the most “obnoxious, jerk”-type amongst them. (Examples of mean Leos: Sasuke in Naruto, Tuxedo Mask in Sailor Moon.)

Jou ‘Joe’ Kido: Virgo Sun, Blood Type A

I just think all the Earth signs are blood type A, lol. It just complements their boring Earth sign . . . again, I am not insulting Earth signs, it’s just textbook astrology! (I swear. I’m a boring Earth sign . . . lol) Jou is such a Virgo to me that I think his personality is the Earth equivalent in blood types.

Ken Ichijouji: Libra Sun, Blood Type AB

I’m the most confident with Ken’s blood type. AB can give you an introverted, social outcast character -- which offsets his Libra Sun’s extroversion. Done. (Sasuke in Naruto, for example, is a Leo Sun who should be outgoing -- instead, he’s an introverted, social outcast because he’s blood type AB. Also, I just noticed that Ken and Daisuke are Naruto and Sasuke, but with swapped blood types. Neat.)

Sora Takenouchi: Scorpio Sun, Blood Type O

I view Sora as an “extroverted introvert”. She’s definitely an introvert, but she plays well at being an extrovert. Because her Scorpio Sun is introverted, I think her blood type offsets it to make her a little bit more extroverted than usual for a Scorpio. So I think O or B both works for her -- I lean towards O, because it’s called “The Warrior” and she has that meaning in her surname. Plus, O would make her the same blood type as Taichi, giving exactly the same “connection” as being Mars-ruled does. (The exact same connection . . . competitiveness, sports, etc.)

Takeru ‘T.K.’ Takaishi: Sagittarius Sun, Blood Type B

This also just complements his Sun. Also, I know I’m supposed to disregard his tri. personality, but I do also think that Adventure/02 Takeru has the ingredients to grow up to be a charming playboy, so . . . lol. Blood type B it is!

Iori ‘Cody’ Hida: Capricorn Sun, Blood Type A

Again, this blood type just complements his Sun. I think the blood type is complementary when the character is so like their Sun sign -- and Iori is incredibly Capricorn. So much so talking about him bores me, lol. (I don’t hate him! I swear! He’s just SO MUCH Capricorn!)

Koushirou ‘Izzy’ Izumi: Aquarius Sun, Blood Type AB

Blood type AB are said to be “geniuses” or “talented”. Koushirou is Adventure’s genius, seen as a bit of an outsider just because of his intellect. I think AB is being expressed in a similar way to Miyako’s AB here; the more positive aspects of it (”genius”), as opposed to the negative aspects of it in Ken and Yamato (social outcast). I also view Koushirou as an “introverted extrovert” -- I think he’s actually an extrovert; if you put him in a room full of intellectuals, he’d stay there forever talking to everyone.

Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida: Pisces Sun, Blood Type AB

Similar reasoning to Ken -- I think the writers set out to make Yamato the “social outcast”-type character in Adventure (when Ken didn’t exist). I consider Yamato the blueprint for Ken’s character in a lot of ways, actually. They used Yamato to be the “outsider” (troublemaker, doesn’t really fit in) in Adventure, to turn against his friends -- and then upped it a few hundred notches for Ken in 02, who also has blood type AB. ABs are also blood types A and B combined (who are opposites); see the contradiction? Yamato can be both shy and confident; he can be cool, calm and collected one minute, then off-the-rails emotionally the next. AB! Actually, I’m just as confident about his as I am Ken’s. ABs are the easiest to spot in anime! They just turn every Sun sign dark, lol.

And that’s my current list!

The blood types are subject to change, as I’m not an expert on them by any means. I literally just looked the whole thing up a few days ago, so my knowledge on it is very, very basic compared to the years I spent reading about astrology from multiple different sources (and thus why I’m 100% certain on those).

This was a lot harder than their Sun signs. With astrology, I could fact-check myself with their character designs, Crests, digimon partners, name meanings and roles in the plot -- but with blood types? Nope.

This is just me guessing with what I think was being done with their Sun signs (to complement or offset) -- where most of them do seem to just complement their signs. But I can’t grasp on to any “evidence” like I can with astrology, unfortunately. I’m pretty confident with Ken and Yamato’s blood types, though.

What do you guys think? What blood types do you think the kids were given in Adventure/02? Please disregard anything you saw in tri., as that’s an entirely different staff (who interpreted and expressed the characters as they saw fit). Just focus on the characterisations from Adventure/02.

[prettysoldierprojectarchive]

1:1 – Crybaby Usagi’s Magnificent Transformation!

[Original Post made 10/08/2013]

Alternative title: Being A Penniless Idiot Will Save Your Life

First aired: 7th March 1992

Usagi is a suspiciously European-looking 14-year-old Japanese girl with severe psychological disorders. Asides from just generally being kind of dumb, she has poor behavioral controls, and there’s reason to suspect that she has an eating disorder too. Nevertheless, a talking cat called Luna reveals to Usagi that she is, in fact, Sailor Moon, and must fight the forces of evil.

The very first episode of Sailor Moon spends a long time establishing the character Tsukino Usagi. She wakes up late, she forgets her lunch, she’s late for class, she gets told off for eating when she’s being punished, she gets 30% on an English test (bah! Who needs English anyway?), she’s distracted by the mention of jewelry and cries in the street because she’s such a fucking loser. I’m not blaming her – I’d cry too given the circumstances.

The whole point of this is to give us a character we can really identify with. Usagi lacks even the smallest modicum of what super heroes should be in her personality. She even lacks the typical Japanese traits – she’s lazy, unladylike and noisier than a horse in heat (that’s a saying, right?) but it’s pretty cool that these traits of independence and assertiveness in a teenage girl are sold as admirable.

This is the episode’s, and the show’s, greatest strength. Even 21 years after it was first shown, Usagi remains a hilarious, bumbling and unfortunate protagonist for the show. And it’s all here in Episode 1!

A lot of the first series of Sailor Moon acts as a sort of time capsule of life in Japan in the early 90s. This isn’t just because of the fashion styles or the music, but because the show actively tries to comment on social issues. The entire plan of the monster of the week is to sell cursed jewelry, EVIL jewelry, to superficial women, who then have all their “energy” stolen. In a sense these woman are punished for their thoughtless capitalism. You almost get the feeling that the makers of the show are trying to say something… but I challenge anyone to describe what exactly it is.

Usagi is only saved from the same fate as the other shoppers from her idiocy – her catastrophic test score means that her father would never buy her jewellery. It’s a great message – don’t try too hard or you might get possessed by a demon.

Luna the magical cat is great from minute one. She constantly has to put up with Usagi’s bitching and acts as her parental figure, encouraging and chastising her, and giving her magical shit. Hey someone had to – it’s not like Usagi’s mother gives a crap what her teenage daughter is doing sneaking out the house at night in a miniskirt.

Talking AND jewelry? You’re the best stray cat EVER

There are some really thoughtful moments in the show that you would never find in a Western kid’s show. The very first monster is SUUUPER freaky, taking the place of Usagi’s classmate Naru’s mother, and there are some disturbing scenes of her slowly becoming more and more monstrous, eventually choking the shit out of Naru. Imagine that: your mum turning into a monster and trying to murder you. It’s awesome.

“DON’T FORGET TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM”

Speaking of monstrous mothers, when Usagi’s finds out she only got a 30 on the test, she kicks her only daughter out of the house and refuses to let her in. That’s how kids become homeless prostitute, Mrs Tsukino, you may want to rethink a couple of your correctional policies.

The thing that strikes me the most watching the very first episode of Sailor Moon is how visually stylised it is. There’s a lovely early-90s sheen to everything – the purples, blues and pinks are striking, and combined with the brassy refrains, it gives an artistic feel to everything that sets it apart – not only from Western shows, but even from other anime.

Like many first episodes, there’s a bunch of stuff that’s brought up yet completely ignored for the following 199 episodes – Sailor Moon defeats the monster by crying, setting off some kind of… sonic boom or something. It’s a little like Superman flinging that plastic S off his chest in Superman 2 – who knows where it came from or where it went. Thankfully Sailor Moon finally stops being so pathetic and actually kicks some ass, using her tiara as a death-frisbee to defeat the monster. A bloke in a top hat who calls himself Tuxedo Kamen turns up before then, but really doesn’t do anything other than throw a rose. I think it was intended that he look cool, but as much as I love the guy, he can be an unlikable douche.

The original hipster, aka Patient Zero

Overall the first episode acts exactly as a pilot should – it’s character building, it’s intriguing and it makes you want to see more. It’s also distinctly un-girly, and by that I mean that it could appeal as easily to a male audience as a female one. Maybe I’m just saying that to justify why I’m watching this kids show, but it’s how I really feel.

There’s a reason why this show is associated with feminism – it shows girls being girly and imperfect, but getting shit DONE. Coming from a society as institutionally sexist as Japan was in the early 90s (perhaps still is…?), that’s mighty impressive.

On the other hand, the prominence of miniskirts might serve to reinforce the objectification and casual sexualisation of women, but what the hell do I know?

Episode Score: 5/5

Monster Freakishness Level: 4/5

Naru-chan Attack Count: 1

[fire-fira]

More TMNT Junk (this time 2003 post-canon!)

[Ao3 version]

Soooooo I was vaguely thinking about posting this, and then I saw shit that the soggy cheetoh’s doing on my dash, and decided screw it-- to temporarily shove aside that unpleasant BS here’s some more TMNT stuff.

(Full disclaimer, most of this came from me babbling to @sounddrive about this concept. Plus a couple added things thanks to @babblingweirdnonsense. Because why the hell not?)

SO

Just imagine the 2003 turtles living a ridiculously long time. I mean ridiculously long. Like still going strong when they’re around 121. (You can’t really tell me that it couldn’t happen when the Ninja Tribunal are thousands of years old and still look like they’re in their 30s-40s. If they can do it, so can these boys.)

It might be their mutation or it might be their level of chi control (or it might be both), and somehow Usagi's hanging on as long as they have (because separating Leo from his husband after that long would be cruel).

Yes you read that right, we’re going full-on Leosagi/katanashipping for this.

Of course with them being so old that brings up the question of why they wouldn’t have been present for the events of season 6 (since most of it takes place 100 years after they were 18). But I’ve got an explanation for that!

20 years prior to those events they got caught up in a war in Usagi's world and got stuck there. It wasn't supposed to become a war-- it was probably originally just supposed to be a vacation, time away from loud city noises and all that-- but nope! One thing led to another and escalated out of control, and they couldn't turn their backs because that wouldn't be fair-- and then some pain-in-the-ass magic user tried to trap them in that world (maybe to make sure they couldn't get reinforcements).

- Needless to say, they weren’t happy about that.

- So much inventive swearing from Raph. SO MUCH.

Plus Mikey probably adopting who knows how many kids. Because it’s Mikey and he’d hate the idea of leaving any orphaned kid behind when he can do anything about it.

- Though of course this is in addition to any kids he had already adopted over the decades who were spread out over their world and Usagi’s. So he just ends up with even more kids even though he’s already a grandpa... and a great-grandpa... and very likely a great-great-grandpa.

- Mikey will not be stopped.

- Leo and Usagi probably also have their own gaggle of adopted kids/grandkids/great-grandkids (although some actually related to Usagi through his son Jotaro, which is the family secret everyone pretends not to know, at least in Usagi's world), but they've got nothing on the sheer number of children and babies Mikey has taken in. There've been jokes that Mikey alone is going to completely rebuild the Hamato clan just through the number of kids he takes in.

Donnie in Usagi’s world mourns his lack of access to the tech he's used to, but he's been figuring out work-arounds. Mainly because sometimes when he's out in the field he wants nothing more than to just electrocute someone in a fight. What scares others is that he's got several nieces/nephews/etc. who have taken an interest in his inventions and tech to the point that they're sometimes referred to as a specific 'sub-division' of the Hamato clan (which can 'command lightning' and other such claims that most of them scoff at).

Raph's also got parts of the family that will happily glom onto him and follow him around and gleefully switch into 'coordinated ninja mode' when he gives the signal. People outside of the family tend to see Raph as one of the most terrifying of the family, but everyone in the family see him as a big old teddybear.

- Raph tends to lean on the 'scary' facade to keep people at a distance, because by that point he knows that if he doesn't then he's going to end up with a fan club. Again. And people are going to be throwing themselves at him. AGAIN. And he learned his lesson the last time (mostly).

- Though not being able to go anywhere in Japan in Usagi's world when he was about 50 without having people trying to throw themselves at him in increasingly desperate attempts to court him or while pledging their undying love to him was enough of a nightmare that he's amazed that sometimes he still forgets about trying to maintain a distance. Even worse, he still has a few diehard hangers-on that have yet to give up even though they've been trying to chase him for decades. (Usagi thinks this is absolutely hilarious and routinely ends up in cackling fits with Leo over it.)

- Mikey sometimes helps Raph dodge his fans and plays innocent if they spot him.

- (Raph was not counting on being seen as so attractive the first time he went to Usagi's world. For several subsequent visits he still wasn't prepared. When he found out about the first 'fan club' the poor man almost fainted, only to end up hiding for about five hours instead.)

People in that world are reasonably unsurprised by the fact that the turtles are still around (because I can easily imagine turtles in that world on average probably being a little longer-lived), but the surprise comes in with the fact that Usagi's still alive.

- He has made vague comments that maybe living with turtles for so long has affected him.

- He's also made vulgar jokes of varying levels of subtlety that have led Leo to facepalm, blush, clamp a hand over Usagi's mouth, or deliberately interrupt so that he won't have to hear one more comment about how sleeping with Leo has 'magically extended' his life.

- Mikey is terrible and cackles every time. Naturally he encourages Usagi's comments just because Leo is 'Too Old For This Shit™', and therefore it's all the more hilarious to him.

- Usagi’s comments may have drawn them more attention than Leo would prefer.

- (You can thank @babblingweirdnonsense for this sub-point addition.)

Usagi: "The true secret of immortality is to worship the flesh of the Kappa Ninjas. I have bedded the leader, and he in turn worships my flesh and gives me life."

Leo: "Stop telling people that sleeping with me will make them live longer."

Usagi: -winking- "I'm trying to make our bed a bit more fun."

- Leo: "...Look what you did. I bet you're proud of yourself."

Usagi: -smirks- "I am indeed. After all, I know all about the magic of a skilled turtle."

Leo: ". . .I love you, but please stop saying words.”

- Raph and Donnie have mastered 'tuning this shit out for the umpteen-millionth time™'. (The kids still have various levels of shrieking about it though, which is part of what makes it so hilarious to Usagi and Mikey both. They both have a terrible sense of humor.)

Mikey's go-to excuse for why he won't settle down with someone while they're stuck in that world for those 20 years is that he's "married to being a parent" and doesn't have time for a partner. Considering the number of great/grand/kids he has, no one's going to disagree.

- It’s mostly because he doesn’t want to end up in the same situation as Raph.

Then there's the perpetual argument over whether Mikey trying to refer to their family as a clan of 'ninjurai' or 'roninja' is remotely acceptable. He insists that both mashup terms fit perfectly since their family is made up of so many ninja and samurai/ronin. Most of the family disagrees on the principle of 1) those aren't real words, and 2) as old as he is why does he still insist on butchering Japanese as much as possible? (He insists because even as an old man he gets a kick out of being a little shit.)

- Other contenders for mashup terms Mikey’s gotten his family to shoot down are: samuninja, shinorai, ronobi, shininja, and rinjarai.

- Even his great/grand/kids have jokingly threatened to disown him for that.

- The argument has had various iterations going for decades

Everyone who knows anything about the family knows that if they want to interact with anyone who gives a sense of being calm, respectful, polite, and so on to go to Leo. And yet despite this everyone also knows that the five old men are possibly the best fighters in Japan; that all five of them are skilled, resourceful, and responsible. It still doesn't change the fact that at times Leo seems to be the only one who cares even a tiny bit about formality anymore.

- It also doesn't help that Leo probably knows entirely too many secrets from too many high-ranking officials scattered throughout that world's Japan.

- 'Oh yes! The responsible one! The leader! Now we can get some proper negotiations out of the wa- Oh no. It's him.'

- Old man Leo keeping a polite face even while the barest hint of a smile is on his face and amusement is dancing in his eyes-- because he knows.

Donnie's gotten so used to saying outrageous things in a deadpan due to having to occasionally explain his tech as 'magic' that there are times where he'll say something like, "No, it's intended to make an entire wall of a building explode if you sneeze near it," without even giving a hint that he knows he said anything that doesn't make sense.

- Raph may or may not have scared off some obnoxious would-be trouble-makers by telling them that if they didn't straighten up that he'd tell Donnie to just go ahead and summon the demons already.

- Leo's given up trying to tell the two of them to not say things that imply they're sacrificing people in some sort of twisted blood ritual. He's just grateful that their reputation is so wide-spread and they're so well-thought-of (if regarded as very strange) that most people seem to know not to take those comments seriously.

- Usagi may have once claimed that he was sacrificed and brought back from the dead several weeks in a row. Leo just rolled his eyes and pretty much told him to stop telling people that he'd let his brothers ritualistically kill his husband on a regular basis.

When Mikey wants to be lazy or a pest at the kids, he absolutely pulls the 'I'm old, I'm so achy and tired, I can't possibly get to my feet and walk that short distance to get (insert whatever here)' card. No one buys it. They've seen him in a fight, during training, etc. They know he's not 'frail', 'weak', or 'fragile' no matter how much he plays it up.

- Which at least once has resulted in a bout of--

"I can't possibly go on! I'll just stay here. And die. Of thirst. Because my grandchild who I thought loved me won't help dear old Grandpa."

"Grandpa. You were running across rooftops an hour ago. I highly doubt that you 'can't' get up."

"Dying. Of thirst. Leo! Leo, are you there?! Everything... going... dark..."

Leo just shaking his head. "No one in the family believed it when we were kids, no one's believing it now."

"I... can't possibly... move..." Over-exaggerated theater gasp.

"...Grandpa. I don't believe you. That didn't even sound close to a death rattle. And you can see the tea kettle from where you're sitting."

"...Too bad I don't have a good swivel-chair here."

"Mikey, no."

- (This is another sub-point you can thank @babblingweirdnonsense for.)

Mikey: “Child! Please give me that plate of food one foot away from me. My knees hurt.”

Child: “Father, I saw you beating an enemy ninja not two hours ago.”

Mikey: “I am sore from the fight.”

Child: “You were doing a handstand five minutes ago.”

Mikey: “I can no longer walk on my feet! Only my arms work now.”

When they’re finally able to go back to their world (a year after their younger selves return to their time) the media almost has a meltdown. Especially since Cody is able to confirm that they’re them. (Because realistically you can’t tell me that Donnie isn’t a famous scientist in that time. All four of them probably ended up in history books.)

Donnie keeps his deadpan semi-nonsense explanations. (Explaining to family or someone who gets what he’s talking about or doing is one thing. To others? He’ll still say things like “It’s magic” and leave it at that.)

- "No, really, how does it work?"

"The power of jesus."

- It even carries over to Donnie talking to reporters.

Reporter: “Where were the four of you for all these years?”

Donnie: "I could tell you-"

Raph: "-but then he'd have to kill you."

Donnie: "-No I wouldn't. But it'd be difficult to answer."

Reporter: "Could you try to explain?"

Donnie: "...Somewhere over the rainbow and in another dimension."

Raph: "Don, we weren't in frickin' Kansas."

Donnie: "Close enough."

Raph: "No it wasn't. Wasn't even on the same side o' the planet.”

And to top it all off, there’s the random thought of someone trying to suggest that one of the older turtles should probably sit in a chair normally (while they're either sitting on the back or on an arm or upside-down, who knows what), mostly out of concern that they might fall since they’re so old, and just the whole,

"Child, I am far too old and nowhere near straight enough to care about how other people think about how I'm sitting when I'm comfortable."

[sittingoverheredreaming]

I know this is late, but if you’re still taking prompts. “Get me” Michiru and Minako. Thanks!

Leave a “Get Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about a character saving another.

This is about 1300 words, I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get to!

_________

There was something quaint about bars at midday. Nightlife had always been more Mina’s speed, but the way the late morning sun hit her beer and made it look like gold glittering piss felt right. Life was a tall glass of piss, no matter how the sun shone or the birds chirped. No matter what you did.

The bartender handed her another drink as she drained hers down to the foam. They had an understanding, now. He didn’t ask questions, she tipped well and caused no trouble, he’d call her a cab at 4:30. Simple. Routine. She could live the whole rest of her life this way, aside from  eventually running out of money.

The bell over the door rang. Minako added an additional caveat of finding a new bar.

Michiru had her purse in the crook of her elbow, hands gloved, long black coat belted like she’d just come from a 50’s film rendition of a funeral. She played the part of the widow well. Her low heels made small, elegant taps against the sticky wood floor.

“Did you have me followed?”

“Oh please.” She wiped a barstool with a handkerchief before sitting down. “You are not at your stealthiest right now.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

The bartender approached, and Michiru slid over a handful of large bills. “A water, please, and some privacy.”

He took the money and stuck to his policy of asking no questions.

“You don’t need to be here,” Minako said. “I’m not even getting drunk.”

“Mm.”

“I just want to be away from all of it. You of all people, I’d think, would understand.”

“I have had my losses, yes, but I cannot pretend they are the same as yours.”

Minako snorted. “Yeah, guess you never really loved her, huh?”

Their eyes met. Minako hoped for a slap, or maybe for Michiru to pull a knife on her, anything. All these years later, she understood all the fights Haruka had picked.

But Michiru merely adjusted her purse strap. “I’ll assume you mean our princess. That much is true.”

“Maybe if you had–”

“I might have died too? You’re not that lucky.”

“Lucky is the last word I’d use.” Minako took a long drink. “I thought you’d fall apart. I really thought you’d, I don’t know, run away to Europe and get so wine-drunk you forget she’s gone.”

“And I thought you’d bury it all under party drugs and fruity drinks.”

“I do seem the type.” She rotated her glass between her hands. “That’s the kicker, though, isn’t it? I can’t do that. As long as there’s a Serenity, the thing inside me won’t let me. And it’s not even Venus. It’s whatever anchor was sown into her soul, and neither of us can unchain ourselves from it.”

“I do not often think of my lot in life as a blessing,” Michiru said. “But I will take every misfortune over the loyalty clause of the inner guard.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Minako leaned back, hooking her foot under the bar top to keep from tipping. “I loved her for more than that, you know.”

“I do.”

“The crystal should have brought her back. It should have brought them all back.”

“The crystal has never been kind. That, I’ll give credit, all came from Usagi.”

“And look where it got her!” Mina let herself fall, let her shoulder hit the floor hard and her hair mix in with the stickiness and peanut shells. “All the talk of loving us, and she let Haruka and Rei and Ami die for nothing because she thought she could just talk it out. And now she’d dead, and the crystal pulled this bullshit.”

For awhile, it had seemed like their choices and triumphs and failures would matter. Their future could dissolve in an instant. Chibiusa had faded out of reality once. But when it came down to it, the crystal had picked a shortcut to its heir. It cared only that it had a Serenity, not which one. Mina pounded her fist on the floor. “Nothing means anything.”

“Perhaps you are suited for Small Lady’s guard, acting so much like a child.”

“Perhaps you’re suited for a life of loneliness, cold as you are.”

“Perhaps I am.” She rose. “I merely came to deliver a letter. I will leave it here.”

She stepped on Mina’s hair as she exited. Mina could not tell if it was on purpose. The bell over the door jingled again. Mina sat up, wincing at how her clothes clung to the floor. It had felt so good to let go, though. She wanted to let go so badly.

She eyed the envelope on the table. Michiru had left it facedown, but Minako knew who it came from based on the tape over the seal.

She turned it over. For Mina, if Michiru lives, but Rei and Usagi don’t

“Oh, buddy.” Tears stung her eyes as she began to read.

You always say I should think things through more, so I tried really hard, I hope you’re proud of me. I wanted to prepare for the possible outcomes, and you’ll probably find things I didn’t think of–

“None of us would ever think of this.”

–but hopefully I do alright. And don’t go looking through the rest of the letters! Not right away, at least. I put that in Michiru’s letter, too, so make sure she doesn’t. I know you don’t like each other, but that’s why I have to write. I want you two to try for each other. I don’t want to think too highly of myself, but I think I mean a lot to both of you–

“You mean the world, Haruka.”

So if I’m gone, you both might hurt. And I know you’re not gonna take loss well, as a soldier or a friend.

“And I’m sure you’d take it great.”

But whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. You know I’m a dumbass, I probably broke your plan and charged in.

“You did.”

And if I know Rei, she tried to hard to save Usagi, and Usagi couldn’t be saved. We’re all predictable, I think, besides you. I never made a letter for if you didn’t make it. You’re too smart. If you went, I think the world would end.

But it hasn’t and you haven’t, so I’m passing a mission on to you. You gotta try, for Michiru. I love you both more than anything, and you’ve lost a lot. I wish more than anything I could always be there for you, but well. Like I said. Predictable. I don’t have Michiru’s visions, but I see how likely it is you’ll have to get one of these letters one day. So I’m asking you and Michiru to be there, in my place. You don’t have to be friends, really. Just annoy each other into keeping going.

You’re about to say, ‘Imagine if I asked that of you and Rei?’

Mina smiled through tears. She had been.

I have, and I think a few houses would get burnt down, but we’d find a way for you. So you’ll find a way for me. And for Rei, and for Usagi. We love you. I love you. You’ve done a lot for me, you’ve always known when I needed a kick in the ass, or a good brownie, and I want to return the favor. You’re too good to let this destroy you.

“You’re the one who’s too good, buddy.”

Also, a selfish request— sometime, not too soon, but sometime, wingman for Michiru, so she finds someone new. But make sure it’s not Seiya. Anyone else is okay.

I love you, and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to whatever order you gave. I’ll always be your dumb best friend.

Yours,

Haruka

“You’re such an asshole. You no I can’t say no if you pull this shit.” She carefully folded the letter and held it against her chest. She kept it there all the long walk to the house Haruka and Michiru had shared.

Michiru looked suspicious, but not surprised, when she answered the door.

“Haruka’s letter said you had to give me a thousand bucks.”

“Is that so?” Michiru crossed her arms. “My letter said ten thousand.”

Their eyes met again, wet and raw. Michiru stepped aside and gestured for Minako to come in. It didn’t change anything, except for all the ways it did.

[keyofjetwolf]

Jet Wolf Summarizes Act 41

The manga and I kind of hate each other. This is unfortunate, but still, I’m determined to come out of this with something. Rather than spend energy on a liveblog that’s increasingly negative, I’m reading each manga act (mostly) silently, and then writing up summaries at the end. I won’t pull my punches. There’s going to be criticism and snark about the manga, either wholesale or in details. If that isn’t a thing you feel like reading, please skip this post!

Rei gets a chapter! I NOW KNOW TRUE FEAR. My nights are still haunted by the spectre known as “Casablanca Memories”. I’m in no rush to compound the screams.

So we start with Pegasus! Ah yes. I feel better already.

Chibi-Usa is tearfully running away after her last encounter with Pegasus, proving once again that she’s the most relatable character in the entire manga. She admits she feels bad for running, but she just couldn’t handle how Usagi was so much better than her. She doesn’t add “and gets everything while I don’t even have my own name or Senshi title or fucking BIRTHDAY”, but that’s okay, I thought it for her. Chibs wishes she could be the one to help Pegasus, and I just want to reach through the pages and be “Oh, honey. No you don’t.”

This seems the perfect time for everything to get really creepy! Pegasus shows up and kisses her in her moment of existential child angst. Ew, right? Oh no, it’s okay, because mid-kiss, he turns into a 10,000 year old teenage boy! IT’S TOTALLY LESS CREEPY NOW.

WHAT ARE YOUR HANDS WHAT ARE THEY DOING WHY AM I HAVING TO LOOK AT THEM AND POSE THESE QUESTIONS. He says he’ll still come see Chibi-Usa all the time. HOW COMFORTING

Pegasus is also still captive though, and Nehellenia taunts him. She never petulantly smacks his cage, however, and I feel this is a missed opportunity.

Blah blah bad guy stuff.

At TA, Rei is practicing archery.

Because she doesn’t get a bullseye, the instructor is “Holy shit, Hino, what the fuck?” to which Rei doesn’t reply “YOU DEIGN TO SPEAK TO ME MALE I WILL SHOOT OFF YOUR TESTICLES AND WEAR THEM AS EARRINGS”, but I think we all know that was in her heart.

Turns out Rei really is distracted though. There’s all this Senshi shit, plus her grandpa is sick, so she has to step it up at the Shrine, and hey, wasn’t this the background set up for Episode 30? She refuses to hire any help for the most glorious of reasons, so Minako suggests Rei get married instead for free slave labour.

Finally, someone’s talking sense.

Before Minako can offer herself as son-in-law, the plot deliverers cats show up and order everyone to the Dead Moon Circus to investigate. Rei checks in on grandpa first, giving him the opportunity to lay down some context for the events to come because gods know there was no possible opportunity to consider building these characters in the forty issues leading up to this.

Rei thinks about her future, wanting nothing more than to stay at the shrine. Grandpa watched episode 152 and feels differently. Also, in flashback, we see Rei naming Phobos and Deimos after two seconds at Hikawa. THIS IS THE THIRD SCENE WITH THE CROWS TODAY GOSH I WONDER IF THEY AND THEIR CONNECTION TO REI WILL BECOME STARTLINGLY RELEVANT LATER

At the circus, they discover that front row seats are a hundred bucks a pop and-- NO NO “AND” WHAT THE SHIT THIS IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS YOU NEED PEOPLE TO POWER UP YOUR DOOMAFLITCHY WHOSITS THING AND CONQUER THE WORLD WHY DO YOU ALSO NEED CASH YOU’RE AN IDIOT ZIRCONIA

They all split up to look around, by which I mean Usagi, Mamoru, and Chibs shed the dead weight as quickly as fucking possible. Rei gets distracted and also leaves the others, captivated by the Mirror Funhouse. She goes inside and the door disappears behind her. Phobos and Deimos are not happy. DID I MENTION THEY’RE HERE TOO I KNOW THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO FORESEE

The others meet back up before the show’s going to start. They notice the cats are missing before they notice Rei, but when they DO notice, they also don’t give a shit, which I think seems like a totally reasonable course of action when you’re infiltrating a suspected enemy lair and one of your friends disappears. THERE MAY BE ACROBATS INSIDE YOU GUYS FUCK REI. The show starts to get weird though, and Mamoru notices there’s no way out. I too feel this way when you’re on-panel, Mamoru.

Meanwhile Rei wanders through the mirrors when they begin to “reflect [her] true self”, a disembodied narrative voice tells her and us.

Neither of you are yelling at the other for asking stupid questions, so I frankly don’t think EITHER of you are you.

“Rei Hino, this is your life!” littler Rei says, mentioning how her mother died and her father was a fucking asshole, and Rei’s never felt happiness despite wanting to. Her friends take advantage of her, Little Rei says, and she’d be better off making out with Tiger’s Eye.

REALLY THAT’S THE CONCLUSION REACHED

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU KIDS: IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE

Rei snaps out of it and ofudas him though, turning him back into a tiger, but that only makes PallaPalla pour on the magic. PallaPalla hates narrative convenience. They renew the marriage angle, and I have to admit that I enjoy the purity of Rei’s response.

“THIS IS BULLSHIT AND I WILL BURNING MANDALA MY WAY OUT OF HERE”

It doesn’t work though and she ... faints or gets a power backlash or knocks herself out by walking into a mirror. It’s unclear. She’s down though, and PallaPalla’s like “YOU’RE A TIGER SO EAT HER”, and honestly this is the most direct and efficient I think a Sailor Moon villain has ever been.

Meanwhile, the cats are pouting (they weren’t allowed in the big top) and notice Phobos and Deimos are losing their shit. “Huh, weird! Oh well,” say the cats. “CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER” say the crows, and they divebomb the funhouse, busting through the roof and then turning into Archangel from X-Men for a minute as they fling their feathers like fucking shuriken and impale Tiger’s Eye. Hey, so, uh, you guys remind me to not forget to put food out for the crows EVER, okay.

All that’s cool, and I’m glad, because when we go back to Rei, everything is awful.

Oh you have got to be shitting me.

PHOBOS AND DEIMOS AREN’T REALLY CROWS THEY’RE TWO TINY LITTLE WOMEN IS REI MOTHRA WHAT EVEN IS THIS

Good fucking god I hate Takeuchi’s thing about turning animals into people BUT I NEVER KNEW SHE DID THIS TO REI’S CROWS THIS IS NOT CUTE IT’S FUCKING WEIRD

THESE GIRLS OR SPIRITS OR WHATEVER HAVE BEEN TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF GODDAMN CROWS SINCE REI WAS LIKE FOUR AND MAYBE LONGER

NOT TO EVEN GET INTO WHO THE FUCK THEY REALLY ARE AND WHY AND HOW THEY’RE HERE AND HOW THAT WORKS WITH LITERALLY ANY OF THE BACKSTORY THIS IS SO POORLY THOUGHT OUT AND EXECUTED AND I’M SO IRRITATED BY IT

WAS IT BECAUSE I WAS DARING TO ALMOST ENJOY AN ISSUE WAS THAT WHY

Ugh, anyway, watch how fast I dismiss every last inch of this fuckery.

Rei powers up, and then “remembers” an inspiring speech from Michiru, which as we discussed last time with Ami and Pluto is grade A bullshit. But if we assume this is all just a dream by Rei -- AND I ASSURE YOU I DO -- then it becomes hilarious. Rei conjuring up some hazy Michiru ideal, specifically to fluff up her ego.

OF COURSE MICHIRU, THE WOMAN WHO SPEAKS ALMOST ENTIRELY IN IMPLICATION, WITH NO WORDS OF EFFUSIVE PRAISE FOR ANYONE BUT MAYBE HARUKA HAVING A VERY EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE DAY, WOULD GIVE A REI A SPEECH THAT BASICALLY AMOUNTS TO “Why yes, Rei, being near flawless and of impeccable class and breeding, I can confirm that you are in fact superior to literally everyone you ever have or ever will meet, and it was vitally important that I and I alone communicate this truth to you.”

TELL ME YOU CAN’T SEE REI’S SUBCONSCIOUS GOING EXACTLY HERE

At any rate, Rei conjures up her Mars Flame Sniper and fucking explodes Tiger’s Eye, and whatever else I have to say about the manga, this was an infinitely more satisfying end to the character than the anime gave me.

Rei is also so amazing, she breaks the spell that had trapped everyone in the Big Top. So that’s a miniboss down and herself + everyone else saved, not by Usagi, not by Mamoru, JUST ALL REI. Rei even gets the final “THOSE GUYS ARE AWFUL AND FUCK THEM” speech.

While I don’t think Takeuchi is completely putting her heart behind it, this does feel like a grudging personal apology. I ACCEPT JUST AS GRUDGINGLY

For today, if only for today, we have an accord.

I leave you with Rei wearing the cats and carrying Tiny Kitten, because yes.