#let's break down everything i love about this sequence!

[mortalscience]

Law and Order Criminal Intent - s01e20 - Badge Bad guy: Those pension rules are a bunch of crap. Goren: My partner's with you on that. Eames: My old man got caught in the same bind.  Bad guy: No kidding? Eames: Except he had to pay back nearly 50 grand to the city. How'd you get away clean? Bad guy: "Clean" nothing. I gave up a good job. All I got now is the pension. Goren: Hasn't kept you from living large, Phil. What have you got in here? Prime rib. Wow! Is that a lobster wiggling around down there? Bad guy: Get out of my stuff! Goren: What is this? It's a $50 bottle of wine! Eames: Here's what we think, Mr. Legrand. You and your double-dipping buddies were kicking back your wages to Mancuso, but when Sherwood started sniffing around, Mancuso got nervous.  Goren: He needed to throw Sherwood a bone. You guys drew straws. You came up short and now your buddies are taking care of you. Eames: But one resignation wasn't enough for Sherwood, right? So your buddy boys did something about him. Bad guy: You guys… I wanted to make dinner for my girlfriend, all right? I couldn't afford what she likes, so she gave me the money for these groceries. That's who's taking care of me. So now that I've humiliated myself, why don't you take your Mutt-and-Jeff act off my property? Eames: Gee, I need a hankie.

[wordsofwhimsy]

❀ꗥ～𝐁𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧 ～ꗥ❀

❀ꗥ～ Part Six ～ꗥ❀

Pairing: Main!Mark Grayson x Southern Belle!Reader

Warnings: Eh, a brief fight scene, nothing crazy

Tags: Fluff, slice-of-life, Meemaw with a gun

Word Count: 2,115

Synopsis: Mark swears he’s living in an old southern romance and what’s better – you and he are the stars. The only problem: he’s still hiding his hero identity. Things come to a head however when a gaggle of alien villains decide to take their fight to YOUR street.

a/n: I. LOVE. THEM. like, feral about it!!! grrrr

read part five ❀ꗥ～Here! ～ꗥ❀

Mark wasn’t sure when exactly his life turned into a dream sequence, but he wasn’t asking questions.

Maybe it was the way you always looped your arm through his when you walked together—like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like you’d been holding onto him your whole life and just picked up where you left off. Maybe it was the way you leaned into his side when you laughed, or how you still packed him little Tupperwares of cornbread like he might forget to eat if you didn’t.

Whatever it was, Mark was blissfully, absurdly, unapologetically in love.

He knew it the first time he saw you crouched in the chicken coop behind your Meemaw’s house, apron tied around your waist and boots sunk ankle-deep in straw, cooing at a hen like it was a baby while expertly plucking eggs into a basket. He definitely knew it when he watched you haul a bale of hay over your shoulder without breaking a sweat, your hair tied up in a red bandana and your smile radiant under the morning sun like some kind of farm goddess.

And he absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, knew it when you offered him a peach scone one Saturday morning and said, “Mornin’, sugar,” like you didn’t just casually own his entire heart.

Mark found himself spending more and more time out at your house. Sometimes you studied together on the porch swing, your notes color-coded and neat as a pin. Sometimes you roped him into helping with chores—well, “helping” was a generous term, given that you moved like you’d been born doing this and he nearly broke a toe tripping over a goat.

He loved every second of it.

What he didn’t love was lying to you.

It wasn’t even really lying—just… strategic omission. You didn’t know the full truth. That the bruise on his jaw wasn’t from gym class or a bad fall. That the occasional limp, the mysterious cuts, the fact that he sometimes disappeared for a few hours with no explanation—all of that was part of a much bigger picture.

A picture with a mask. And a secret name. And a whole lot of responsibility he couldn’t exactly hand off.

He hadn’t told you. Not because he didn’t trust you—God, he trusted you more than anyone—but because the idea of looking you in the eye and saying, “Hey, by the way, I sometimes sneak out and fight crime in a spandex suit” sounded like the fastest way to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Which is why, when you reached up one lazy Sunday afternoon and brushed your thumb gently over the bruise just below his collarbone, he panicked.

“Oh, sugar…” Your brows furrowed. “What happened here?”

Mark froze.

Shit.

“Oh, uh—nothing,” he said, way too fast. “Just… gym. Took a bad hit in dodgeball. You know how it is.”

You tilted your head, not buying it. “Since when do y’all play full-contact dodgeball?”

He laughed—awkward. “It’s a new thing. Experimental. Real cutting edge.”

“Uh huh.”

You didn’t press, but your touch lingered just a second longer than usual. Soft. Concerned. And it made something twist hard in Mark’s chest.

Because you were smart. You were always watching. And eventually, he knew… he’d have to tell you everything.

But not yet.

Not today.

Today, he leaned down and kissed your forehead instead, whispering something about being more careful next time, and you smiled like that was good enough.

He wasn’t sure how long he could keep this up.

But he’d sure as hell try—for as long as you’d let him.

—

The sun was low in the sky, casting golden streaks across the dirt road as you wandered with your parasol tilted just so, the lace edges catching the light like halos. The crickets were chirpin’, and the breeze carried the smell of cut grass and peach blossoms.

You were mid-hum—some old Patsy Cline tune, real soft—when a BOOM cracked through the air like thunder straight from the pits of hell.

You barely had time to scream before something—a man? a thing?—came crashing down the street, tearing a rut through the dirt and flipping a pickup truck like it was a toy. You froze. Heart jackhammering. The only danger you were used to back home was an ornery possum or the occasional fistfight at Uncle Bobby’s bar on Saturday night.

This? This was not that.

You ducked instinctively behind a mailbox post as more figures landed in the road, all snarling and glowing eyes and God-fearing chaos. You were halfway to panic when a blur of blue and yellow zipped in front of you like a comet, knocking one of the villains clean into a tree.

“Stay down!” the hero barked—voice strained, deep, familiar.

The blue and yellow clad savior hit the first villain like a freight train, knocking him sky-high and flipping the second one with a bone-rattling crunch. You peeked out from behind the small post, jaw slack, parasol hanging limp at your side.

Another hit. Another flash. And just like that, they were all down.

The wind settled. Dust floated in the golden light.

He turned, breathing hard, blood at the corner of his mouth.

“You okay, miss?”

His voice.

That voice you’d heard whispering to you in the kitchen just this morning. The voice that called you darlin’ when he thought no one could hear.

Your breath caught. Your spine straightened. And you started walking.

The hero froze.

Just—froze.

You stepped right up to him, boots crunching softly in the dirt, and stopped a foot away. He didn’t say a word. Didn’t move.

You reached up—real gentle—and tugged the mask up past his eyes and into his hairline.

And there he was.

Messy hair. Busted lip. Brown eyes wide and terrified like you’d just caught him sneaking in past curfew.

“...I knew it,” you whispered. “You dummy.”

Mark opened his mouth.

You stared at him. Blinked again. And then just let out a stunned little laugh.

“I thought you were in, like… some underground fight club or somethin’.”

“…What?”

You hit his arm—not hard. “I dunno! You kept showin’ up with bruises, and I figured maybe you were just real bad at MMA and too proud to tap out.” You shook your head, eyes flicking down to his suit then back to his bloodied face. “You’re some kinda crime fightin’ Superman?! And you didn’t tell me?”

Mark blinked once. Twice.

And then—despite the split lip, despite the scuff on his cheek, despite the sheer chaos around him—he smirked.

A slow, crooked little thing that made your stomach flip and your glare deepen.

“You think I’m Superman?” he said, all faux-innocent, voice dropping an octave like he hadn’t just body-slammed someone into a tree stump. “That’s… kinda hot.”

Your mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”

He gave a weak shrug, clearly pleased with himself. “I mean, I’m not that good…”

You stepped closer, brows raised, voice deadpan. “Markus.”

“Yeah?”

“I just watched you destroy a stop sign with a man’s body.”

“Okay, in my defense—he was being very rude.”

You let out a long breath through your nose. “I swear to God, I should’ve known. Nobody that pretty gets bruises that often without bein’ into somethin’ stupid.”

Mark grinned—teeth bloody, smile blinding. “So you do think I’m pretty.”

You just stared at him, then muttered, “You’re lucky you’re cute,” and turned on your heel, parasol bouncing at your side as you marched back home.

Mark stumbled after you, still grinning. “So that’s a yes on Superman?”

“You keep talkin’ and I’m tellin’ Meemaw.”

“...Right. Shutting up.”

You crossed your arms, parasol still dangling from your wrist like the world wasn’t upside down. “You do realize you knocked over Mr. Fenley’s pecan tree, right?”

Mark groaned. “Aw, man. He loves that tree…”

—

You were halfway up the porch steps, dragging Mark behind you like a misbehaving child at Sunday school, when the screen door slammed open with a bang that nearly knocked your parasol out of your hand.

And there she was.

Meemaw.

Hair up in curlers, apron dusted in flour, house slippers on like battle armor—and a .22 rifle resting casually in the crook of her arm like it was just another casserole dish.

Her eyes swept over the wrecked road, the unconscious villains scattered across the front lawn like poorly placed yard decorations, then landed squarely on Mark.

She squinted.

Then, in a voice loud enough to rattle your molars: “What in the HELL happened out here?”

Mark froze behind you, spine stiffening like he was back in math class and forgot his homework.

You cleared your throat, dusting gravel off your skirt like this was just any ol’ day. “Well, Meemaw… turns out Mark’s been gettin’ those bruises not from football or gym class like he claimed—” you shot him a look, “—but from throwin’ hands with actual monsters.”

Mark shifted behind you, muttering, “Technically it was aliens this time…”

You held up a hand without looking at him. “Hush. I’m talkin’.”

Then back to Meemaw, deadpan: “Apparently my boyfriend’s some kinda superhero. Like the real kind. Tights, punches, midair backflips—the whole shebang.”

Meemaw paused for just a beat before she spoke. “Of course he is. And here I thought y’all were sneakin’ off to kiss behind the barn.”

Mark lifted one hand. “Hi, ma’am.”

She didn’t blink. “Boy, you just threw a grown man into my begonias.”

“…Sorry.”

Meemaw exhaled slowly through her nose. “You’d best be explainin’ everything before my pecan pie cools. And you—” she pointed at you without looking, “—bring the peroxide.”

He whispered, “Is she gonna shoot me?”

You sighed, linking your arm with his as you tugged him inside.

“Only if you lie again, sugar.”

Later that night…

“You sure this is safe?” Mark asked, eyeing the mason jar in your hand like it might sprout legs and bite him.

You knelt in front of him on a little woven mat, hair pulled back, sleeves rolled up, utterly unfazed.

“It’s somethin’ my great-auntie used to swear by,” you said, unscrewing the lid. “Vinegar, turpentine, cayenne pepper, honey, and a dash of prayer.”

Mark’s eyes went wide. “...That sounds like it belongs on barbecue.”

“Don’t sass the remedy, sugar.” You dipped a rag in the mix, wrung it out, and without warning, pressed it gently to the cut on his ribs.

“HOLY—” he hissed, nearly levitating off the tub.

“Don’t move,” you warned, steady as a surgeon. “It’s supposed to burn. That means it’s workin’.”

“It means I’m dying,” he wheezed. “Why does it smell like a fire hazard?”

You just smiled sweet as pie. “Old southern secret. Been usin’ it since before electricity.”

He groaned, head falling back. “You’re trying to kill me.”

“If I was tryin’ to kill you, baby, you’d already be dead.” You paused, then leaned forward and kissed the spot you just treated—soft and slow. “There. Better?”

He blinked. Breath caught. “...Yeah. Much better.”

You rested your hand against his jaw, thumb brushing over the bruise near his cheekbone. For a long moment, neither of you spoke. Just the low buzz of cicadas outside and the faint clink of glass as you set the jar aside.

“I was scared,” he said finally, voice low and raw. “To tell you. I thought... if you knew what… I do… you'd leave.”

Your gaze softened, but you didn’t pull away. “Mark.”

He looked down.

You took his face in both hands, lifting it gently until he met your eyes. “If you think I’m lettin’ go of a man who can lift a tractor and still gets shy when I kiss his cheek, well then honey, I’ve got an ocean front property in Kentucky to sell you.”

Mark let out a breath, lips parting like he might laugh—might cry—but before he could say anything, you gave him a look. One brow lifted, the hint of a smirk playing on your lips.

Then you tapped a finger gently against your mouth. Once. An expression on your face that said, I’m waiting.

He didn’t hesitate. Leaning in to kiss you—slow, reverent—like you were the only real thing left in the world.

When you pulled back, he was breathless.

“...I love you,” he whispered.

You smiled, soft and sure, and cupped his cheek in your hand.

“Oh, honey,” you murmured, leaning in to kiss him again—gentle, sweet, and just a little smug. “You just figurin’ that out?”

read part seven ❀ꗥ～Here! ～ꗥ❀

[raisinchallah]

sorry my evil take is i actually think the most likely show to do a planet of gays episode would be enterprise like they have a track record of some really bad embarrassing lgbt metaphor episodes under their belt and actually my biggest evidence for them doing something like this is the almost unwatchable episode bound where theyre like surprise this is a sexy matriarchy exact energy they would take to a planet of gays episode and it would be worse than bound i didnt put my best foot forward imagining this episode to everyone in the post so i shall try again because i do actually think it could happen so anyways they go near this random planet and t’pol is like dont go there the vulcans have labelled them no contact due to their strange and fucked up ways but archer is like we dont listen to the vulcans lol lets beam down and so archer t’pol trip and reed end up on planet gay and everyones at first having a lovely time tho slightly weird theyre hanging out with governor speedo and his sexy half naked entourage of men and archer asks we would love to meet your wife and the governor is appalled and is like you think i would flaunt such a disgusting lifestyle like this dont tell me your people are .... heteros and archer is like wow oops but on my planet we think your lifestyle is kind of weird i guess thats cultural relativism for you and t'pol is like wow captain archer you have really grown and matured anyways despite the various faux pas everything goes about smoothly and theyre invited to beam down for shore leave on the planet trip and malcolm decide to go bar hopping and keep getting grossed out at all the men who keep hitting on them and make a few rude homophobic jokes they leave the bar but theyre cornered in an alley by a strange man whos like i saw how you looked at those men i understand you are like us you understand us youre... straight and ask for asylum on the enterprise and this group of random aliens in denim (as opposed to the planets lycra only dress rules) and theyre brought back to the ship one of the straight refugees would of course start to fall for trip and he would be like oh but you see im already committed and shes like oh of course how silly of me to think you could support my disgusting sinful lifestyle who is he and then trips like no i mean t'pol and shes like wow.. you live so openly and brazenly despite how wrong our love is you are my hero and hes like what in most of the galaxy its the gay people who are weird and the straight refugees are like wow... you are so brave on this stupid planet its like gay is straight and straight is gay and everyone is required to wear sequins and have dyed hair you are required to listen to disco... we just want the freedom to have a beer by the lake and listen to country music like any good heterosexual and trips like wow i understand you completely this is just like when the vulcans...

t'pol would do diplomacy with the soon to be revealed as evil lesbian faction but talks break down when they realize due to her psychic sensitivities and studio required rock solid heterosexuality she is completely immune to their ambient gay mist in the air that is revealed to be the source of gay majority on the planet she fails to communicate this to the crew quickly enough tho and the viewer is subjected to some deeply embarrassing and unwatchable sequences as the various cast start acting comically gay due to the saturation of gay chemicals building up in their systems when t’pol tries to explain this to captain archer he says dont worry about it darling and winks this is a sign he has fallen prey to the gay chemicals and has now also become gay she returns to the ship to talk with phlox who is like well you know being gay can be normal but forcing everyone to be gay via mind control like this is fairly unethical they have a meeting with the straight refugees who explain theyre all straight because of a mutation making the gay chemicals not work on them which has made them extreme social outcasts but phlox thinks if he studies their genome he can figure out how to create a gay vaccine to return the planet to its normal hetero state which t’pol orders to be released into the atmosphere because archer has been spotted in a speedo and the time for diplomacy is over once the planet has been re heterofied it comes out a small shady group of gays decided to hijack the government and turn the whole planet gay as part of a sinister plot but now the straights are freed and no longer misunderstood and they will now open their planet up to negotiations with other worlds now that they dont have to hide the existence of heterosexuality the dominant and normal way of being in the universe from their populace they get a few last homophobic jokes in about their behavior on the planet before the ship blasts off nobody likes the episode and its never rebroadcast

[muchanmocha]

My hot take is that Luka didn't actually impersonate Sua

And here's why.

Ok let's start by making this clear — Luka canonically knew about Sua and has analyzed Mizi and Sua's relationship to hell and back based on their My Clematis performance before Round 5.

"In the interview, Luka responded as if he had no interest in Mizi, but in reality he had thoroughly analyzed everything about her after watching her duet stage with Sua. In her confusion, Mizi becomes a mere plaything for Luka."

— Director's Commentary, ALNST Artbook

He precision-designed Round 5 to systematically push Mizi to her breaking point by using Sua and her death in Round 1 — everything from the performance, his expressions, his intonations, his timing, the choreography, down to the very song choice (he presumably didn't pull out ROMH for Round 4, and he didn't save it for the finals/Round 7 as he may have intended).

However, what wasn't on that list, was impersonating Sua.

Let's take a look at what happened on stage:

Luka opens up the sequence by catcalling her right off the bat, abruptly intruding her personal space in the first of many moments to come.

"You're the perfect subject, with the whole world in your sad eyes."

"My savior, beautiful soul..."

He proceeds to condescendingly give praise to how beautiful she is in her broken state, glorifying the trauma that made her perfect.

"I don't believe. You're a liar."

All the admiration of which, they both know is just a pretense.

Then comes the most important part.

Sua's hallucination appears.

You tell me, is that a Sua expression?

No! In fact! Sua resembles Luka here.

So what's actually happening in this scene?

Well if you look at the lyrics when she appears, you'll find this:

"When our darknesses overlap, let me take it all away."

Sua appears because Luka is directly addressing Mizi's "darkness" here, aka her trauma aka Sua, and offers to take it away. Therefore, Mizi is the one doing all the heavy lifting of hallucinating her.

Again, is this an expression that would remind you of Sua?

What he DOES do here, is continue to invade her space and touch her intimately like a lover would, which he had been doing since minute one.

Remember: the theme of Round 5 is contract marriage.

He touches her not as Sua would, but as a lover would, because that would be the easiest way to provoke Mizi, who had just lost the love of her life and is now "tied" to him.

If you check the timing of Sua's hallucination's appearances, you'd find them not when Luka "admires" Mizi for her beauty, or when they sing "ruler of my heart" as you'd expect if he was actually trying to echo Sua, but when the lyrics address the despair and trauma Mizi is facing.

Ironically, the only times in this performance that Luka plausibly resembles Sua, is when he adopts his blank doll face away from audience eyes.

Yet you can see that Sua never appears in any of these shots because that's not how Mizi would've remembered her. We can confirm that with which real memories appear in Round 5, specifically behind Luka in the theater scene and during Mizi's breakdown.

(Can you tell I've long reached my photo limit and had to make cuts)

Mizi remembers Sua at her happiest, because Sua was always her happiest when she was with Mizi.

And this is exactly the loss Luka effectively spits on.

Mizi: My world is collapsing

Luka: Lol yeah whatever

There is such a purposeful, derisive mockery embedded in how Luka treats the subject of her loss.

"Make me your god, I can give you everything."

Not, "I am your god," but "replace your god with me."

You'll notice that what he offers here isn't a new "replacement Sua," but the audience.

Catcalling, smirking, manhandling her like a ragdoll, condescendingly looking down at her, overt mockery, revelling in the cheers of an audience that's crazy for him. There is nothing he does in Round 5 that even remotely resembles Sua or is meant to resemble Sua.

Where would the resemblance be? His pretty face and white clothes? White was, and has always been his signature outfit color. Round 5 wasn't a special occasion for that.

So.

Tl;dr Luka did not actively impersonate Sua. But he did commit mindfuckery on several levels.

-

Bonus:

Luka -> Mizi [Intimacy 0%, -]

It's stupid and foolish to not be able to control even one of your emotions.

[silverjirachi]

I cannot emphasize to you enough that the sonic movies are unreasonably good. they do not follow the formula of being a cash grab that so many other big name franchise movies do.

Yeah there is cheap humor in it sometimes but it’s a kids’ movie, also sonic as a character has always been saying cheap corny stuff and not only that, but every single time there is a gag or a joke it is played completely straight. It’s never out of character, particularly sonic’s lines. I keep thinking about how they’ve made it clear that part of his joking and banter is out of insecurity, a “hahahah i need to talk to diffuse this situation” type of thing. i’m particularly thinking of the “haha who does your highlights” thing in the current movie. Shadow rightfully responds to this like “???? what the fuck dude??” because it’s treated not just as A JOKE but an actual, motivated part of the dialogue that the other characters respond to.

Honestly the person who has the most jarring gags is Robotnik but even then it works for his character because he’s just.. that unhinged. There is a full, sudden 4th-wall break in sonic 3 and i almost didn’t care because if anyone was gonna do it, it would be him. It was kind of a funny “i’m at a movie premiere” moment so it worked in the theatre, but i wonder how it will be received and age for people watching at home. But EVEN THEN, these out-of-sequence moments are so rare, and what they do is add to the tone of the movie, which takes itself seriously, but also reminds us to not take it too seriously. They walk this beautiful delicate balance of being a serious movie fully invested in its own stakes and circumstances while also being movie actualizations of cartoon characters. It centrally hinges on the principle that in order for any humor to work in a performance, the actors (and the story) must still be motivated and fully invested as if everything around them is a real circumstance. All three of the sonic movies have mastered this as an art.

Every single actor puts so much thought and love into their character, and the writing does not assume people will like it “just because.” It is so clear that story is the priority rather than ticket sales, and so they end up creating beautiful moments that serve the characters arcs as a piece of art and storytelling rather than just what’s gonna sell. There are literary devices in these things man. Sometimes they’re a little overemphasized, but again. Kids movie. And the thing is, these moments are woven into the parts that do sell. It’s genuinely phenomenal. It’s like a masterclass on good storytelling.

The sonic movies are one of the few rare “other media” movies that do not cop out just because they’re kids movies. That do not cop out just because they already have an invested fanbase who would come anyway. They are a testament to what happens when everyone on the team from the top down cares about the story and the characters. When they let people who are genuine fans of the content work on it. The movies abound with niche and subtle fan references (even memes!) but you blink and miss them. They’re never distracting and again, never played for JUST being a gag or a reference.

What I’m saying is I came into all three Sonic movies as an already established fan who would see junk anyway, preparing to be disappointed, and got ART instead??????? And they’re still putting out bangers three (hopefully four! AND a spinoff!) movies in??????

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

Romantasy: Where Magic Meets Swooning (And Why Readers Can't Get ENOUGH) ✨

Okay, let's talk about the genre that's absolutely DOMINATING the shelves right now: ROMANTASY.

If you've been anywhere near BookTok, Bookstagram, or even just wandered into a bookstore lately, you've seen these books taking over. You know the ones. gorgeous illustrated covers with gold foil, promises of spice levels that would make a dragon sweat, and worlds where magic and kissing are given equal importance. (Why is this actually hilariously accurate?)

But what exactly IS romantasy, and why has it exploded into the mainstream? I wanted to make a post breaking this genre down, and why it's been constantly filling the shelves in recent years lately.

What the heck is romantasy anyway?

Simply put, romantasy is the beautiful marriage of fantasy and romance where BOTH genres get equal billing. This isn't just fantasy with a romantic subplot or romance with a sprinkle of magic. It's a true genre hybrid where:

• The fantasy worldbuilding is rich and immersive

• The romance is central to the plot (not just tacked on)

• The stakes of both the romantic and fantasy elements matter EQUALLY

• The relationship development is given as much page time as the magic system

• Neither element would work without the other

Think of books like "A Court of Thorns and Roses," "Fourth Wing," "The Bridge Kingdom," or "These Hollow Vows." In these stories, the romance isn't just there to give the main character something to do between fighting monsters. It's an essential part of the narrative.

Why is romantasy EVERYWHERE right now?

I've been thinking about this A LOT, and here's my take on why romantasy has taken over:

1. It's filling a gap readers didn't know they had

For YEARS, fantasy and romance were kept separate like warring kingdoms. Fantasy was supposed to be "serious business" with maybe a chaste kiss at the end of book three. Romance was often confined to contemporary or historical settings.

Romantasy said "nope" to those artificial boundaries. It recognized that readers want BOTH the escape of fantasy AND the emotional satisfaction of romance. We want dragons AND kissing. We want political intrigue AND pining. We want magic systems AND mutual pining.

2. It's unapologetically centered on female desire

Let's be honest... a lot of romantasy is written by women, for women, about women's experiences. And it doesn't apologize for that!

In a publishing world that has historically prioritized male perspectives in fantasy, romantasy carves out space where female desire, both for power AND for partnership takes center stage.

3. It offers double the escapism

In times of stress (hello, past few years!), readers crave escape. Romantasy offers TWO forms of escapism in one package:

• The fantasy element lets us escape to another world entirely

• The romance element lets us escape into the emotional high of falling in love

It's like getting two dopamine hits for the price of one book!

4. Community and conversation

Romantasy has thrived in online spaces because it gives readers SO MUCH to talk about:

• Debating spice levels and content warnings

• Creating elaborate fan theories

• Discussing favorite tropes (enemies-to-lovers in a magical setting? YES PLEASE)

• Sharing fanart and aesthetics

The community aspect has turned romantasy from a genre into a lifestyle.

What does this mean for writers?

If you're thinking of dipping your toes into romantasy waters, here's what you need to know:

• Don't half-commit to either element. Your fantasy worldbuilding needs to be solid AND your romance needs to be compelling.

• Understand tropes and how to subvert them. Readers come for familiar comfort but stay for your unique twist.

• Balance your pacing. Romantasy readers expect both action sequences AND emotional development scenes.

• Consider your heat level intentionally. The market has room for everything from closed-door to explicit, but know where your story fits.

• Don't just copy what's selling. Find the romantasy story only YOU can tell.

The beautiful thing about romantasy is that it's still evolving. We're seeing more diverse pairings, more unique magic systems, more subversions of traditional fantasy structures. There's room for YOUR voice in this space!

So, are you working on a romantasy? What's your favorite blend of magical and romantic elements? I'm currently writing a Romantasy trilogy and it's been getting me more hyped about writing lately! If you want me to make a Romantasy Series, where I give you all my tips/tricks and advice and research on the genre! Let. Me. Know.

-Rin T.

[viridescentelf]

Investment - Sylus x Reader

sup bitches, i am feral for this man

DISCLAIMER: i know extremely little about Love and Deep Space, I can‘t start playing it bc I know I will lose years of my life lol I don‘t want to fully commit to the brainrot that Sylus would do to me in game nsdksks (all i know is he‘s hot, he‘s rich, he‘s like into selling weapons ?? he‘s a dragon??????? idk??? lol)

So I just kinda took his beautiful face, plopped him into my own realm with what I know and wrote something so I can stop thinking about him.

The lore isn‘t accurate at all lol sorry but i just can‘t play it.

SUMMARY: You‘re an undercover cop on a mission to seduce a prominent mob boss‘ lackey. Sylus takes notice of you and decides to intervene.

If you want to listen to the music that inspired this fic, here you go. Bonus: if you can guess the song I had in mind for the performance, I'll write a short fic of your choice.

WARNINGS: possessive and obsessive behavior, prostitution, talk of violence

Part 2 will be NSFW

Word Count: 5kish

Part 2

—————

„Do you copy?“

The radio chirped quietly, while you discreetly pushed the miniscule device deeper into your ear.

„Yes Sir“, you answered barely audibly, looking at your own reflection in the mirror. You barely recognized yourself: a done up face, more skin than you‘ve shown in a long while, hair quaffed and tied up to avoid it getting caught somewhere during the performance. The invasive voice of your chief in your ear mumbled the usual blabber such as „stay alert“ and „focus“ etc. while you finished the last touches of your look.

You were in a room full of people. Lockers and costumes adorned the walls, the lights reflecting in the colorful sequence.

The dancers lent you some jewelry; they treated you extremely kindly. No one here knew you were undercover, so they treated you like they always treated newcomers: expecting a scared person unsure of what they had signed up for, they held your hand and comforted you with calming words, the usual phrases you would think of. You smiled as a return of affection when they spoke to you, but your mind was racing with the plan you needed to complete. As kind as they were, you couldn’t let that distract you.

Your mission today was fairly straightforward: seduce one of the underlings of Alastair, a notorious mob figure in this area, then corner and interrogate them in order to find out where their boss was hiding.

There was no other way to penetrate the cluster of security that the mob kept going, seeing as cameras and mics were hidden everywhere in the city, run by them. All of the criminal underbelly hid in plain sight when venturing through the streets and were pretty much impossible to track down. Alastair was one of many heads of the mafia here, albeit one of the less influential ones. Your unit zeroed in on him, because he seemed the most promising to break.

An informant within his circle found out that Samira, your target, gained a massive privilege from Alastair: visiting the mob run auction house this very evening. With finances covered by her boss, Samira could have a special evening of watching burlesque performances and enjoying paid sex.

The auction house had a simple system. If you wanted a performer, you had to throw roses and outbid the others.

The roses were all tagged and had different colors:

Red was the simplest, equaling 1k.

Purple was 5k.

Blue was 100 k.

Bronze was 500 k.

Silver was a milli and extremely rare. You knew Samira had one.

And finally, Gold, which was an exorbitant amount. The owner didn’t even bother telling you the figure, being that it was never used.

Your boss knew you could dance. And knew you were Samira‘s type.

The informant arranged everything: the owner of the auction house had been paid off so that you could join and perform on your first day. He had no clue who you were, he just thought he gained new meat.

So, here you were, stretching at your seat.

You weren’t too nervous, you knew you could flirt and get your way in other aspects of your life. Why not on a grander scale?

The owner placed you sort of in the middle of the rotation, where most average performances took place. The cheaper options. He didn‘t want to risk you being an absolute flop and disappointing the customers.

It didn‘t matter. You only needed to get Samira‘s attention. Then you could go on with the mission.

A petit dancer tapped you on the shoulder and asked if you needed any equipment during your performance. You paused, looking at them through the mirror, going through the routine in your head.

„Just a chair“, you decided eventually.

The dancer blinked and giggled to themselves: „Wow, that‘s it? We have aerial hoops and stuff like that if you want…“

You smiled back. You couldn’t help but notice how young they looked.

„Thanks, but I‘ll just take the chair.“

The person turned, about to walk away, when you thought of something:

„I‘ll take a ladder too, please.“

You watched the roses fly onto the stage where a young man had just finished his dance with feathers and beautiful cloth artistry. He bowed several times, throwing kisses into the crowd. You could see a particular pile of purple roses with the same tag becoming more prominent at his feet. Seemed to be the best bid.

The owner bellowed into a microphone: „Sold for 15 000 to the gentleman in the silver tux!“

You saw the young man clap happily when the winning bidder walked on stage. It was an ugly looking guy, tux far too tight and in a gaudy hue, dark hairs peeking through the holes between his shirt buttons. He wrapped his stubby arm around the dancer, who gracefully leaned into the touch and escorted him off stage.

You knew there were lounges above the stage. You were supposed to take Samira up to one and question her there.

Your boss made himself known again: „Y/N, stay calm. Zero in on your target. She‘s bound to give every rose she has.“

You cleared your throat, which you had agreed would be yes while others were too close to you.

It was your turn. The stage hand checked with you once more if you had everything you needed while she plucked and pinned your outfit for the final time. You nodded in response, simultaneously confirming the music you picked to accompany your act. She seemed a bit flustered at your answer, you knew the sound was unusual for the establishment. It normally played slower, more sensual tempos. Acts also rarely required strobing effects, like yours.

But you had to make an impact. This was your one shot at getting to Samira. You needed to stand out. And if that meant standing out with a wilder song, dance and lighting, then so be it.

The owner blabbered on into the booming microphone about you being new and how „fresh“ you were (whatever that meant), while you ascended the ladder by the side of the stage, shielded from view. One poor sod was tasked with holding the ladder in place, you could hear him swearing. It was quite high, but you had enough practice. You knew how to catch yourself without injury.

The echo of the microphone died down and you could hear a few cheers already, the crowd expecting a timid little person, terrified of their new environment. They seemed to relish in young, helpless creatures feeling lost and scared in front of them.

But that wasn‘t you.

The music crept into the hall, the quiet beginning misleading the listeners of what was to come now. Your ears were waiting for the beat cues so that your arrival would have the maximum effect.

There it was. You bent your knees on the top of the ladder and pushed yourself hard into the air towards the middle of the stage, stretching as far as your muscles allowed.

At the perfect time, you landed into a beautiful split with a mighty crash. Catching yourself with your hands to avoid any pain, you immediately struck a blind smile into the crowd while your eyes quickly scanned for Samira. At your impact, the sounding cheer deafened the music briefly. Facing the crowd obstructed by heavy lights, you started your routine. It was so hard to see. Eyes still sweeping over the shadowy members within the seats, you struck pose after pose showing off your figure, while letting the rhythm guide you into more sensual movements.

You realized you wouldn’t be able to find her from where you were, so you decided to continue your dance and find a way to reach the edge of the stage without being too obvious.

The music slowed for a moment, allowing you to grab the chair by the side entrance and drag it behind you while your heels slid sultry across the wooden floor. You dragged it semi close to the front and started your section of dance with it there. With a teasing smile, you slid onto the chair, each movement deliberate and full of flair. You rested one hand on the back of the chair, your hips swaying as you played with the rhythm, inviting the audience into fantasizing you being on their lap. Your legs extended with a controlled stretch, a perfect balance of strength and seduction. As the music pulsed on, you rose with a fluid motion, effortlessly transitioning between powerful and sensual poses, your eyes locking with the crowd, blindly trying to locate your target. Every flick of your wrist, every arch of your back, was a testament to your rhythm and control, turning the chair into an extension of your body, your partner in this captivating dance.

Climbing all over it, you used this part of the song to show off how far you could arch your back and made your ass pop a few times to massive cheers. You had to show what you could offer, anyway.

You were halfway through. You had to do something drastic to find her.

This wasn’t part of the routine, but you decided it was necessary. Climbing onto the chair, with one foot on the back support, you teased the onlookers by tilting it back and forth, waiting for a moment in the song where the fall would make the most sense.

Forcing the tilt further, the chair fell over with you diving into a quick and practiced tumble and coming up right at the edge of the stage. You turned quickly and let your hair fall over the edge of the stage, opening your eyes with a lusty grin etched across your face. You scanned the rows as fast as you could.

Samira was luckily easy to spot, she sat in the second row, completely enthralled with your act. Her short black hair half-up and yellow eyes pointed directly at you while her toned arm hung over her chair.

You looked straight at her and winked, blowing a kiss at everyone watching but stopping for her once again, trying to seal the deal.

Samira wouldn‘t break eye contact with you, a look of sheer determination to have you.

Easy as fuck, you thought to yourself, getting up to continue and finish the act.

The beat intensified and you hit every move with sharp muscles and graceful ease, finalizing your act with the most alluring pose you could think of: your body turned away with your head facing the crowd.

A final wink. The hall erupted with applause. The roses already started flying in and you noticed Samira‘s tag being part of the massive pile before your feet. The owner was already prattling on about how this was such a rarity with someone as talented as you. You bowed appreciatively as the roses kept coming, Samira‘s pile growing more and more: You spotted a bronze. And then the silver one.

Bingo.

Samira grinned triumphantly. Elbowing the poor sod next to her, who had no more roses to give. The crowd all accepted that she had outbid everyone, a silver rose was just such a rarity.

The owner laughed into the microphone: „What a show! Wow Miss Samira. Looks like a massive bid for the young thing. 1.5 million going once, going twice-„

A flash of red made your spine thunder. It came out of a high balcony. You saw something flying towards you, like a dagger. Your reflexes betraying you, you caught the thing flitting towards your face and held it between two fingers. The sparkling, priceless hue glittered, as you gaped at the beautiful golden rose.

„My- my word! 50 million?!? I- uh 50 million going once, going twice…“

Your stomach dropped. No.

„S-SOLD! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! WHAT A MILESTONE FOR US, SOLD TO THE GENEROUS MR. QIN!!!“

You heard the chief in your ear shouting profanities. Something about the informant not telling him he would be here as well?!

„Y/N, you have to get out of there. Now!“

You couldn’t move. The shock cascaded through you, as you watched a tall, domineering figure descend the balcony stairs. Your eyes briefly flickered to Samira, who was yelling some insult at no one.

Stepping into the light, the red eyes were the first thing you noticed. They stared into you, plucking every nerve you had.

You recognized him immediately. You had heard about Sylus Qin. But you never thought you would lay eyes on him. And definitely not like this.

He wore a tailored maroon suit, the jacket draped casually over his broad shoulders. His salty hair danced in the limelight, perfectly kept and styled to stay out of his piercing gaze. Walking towards you, the almost invisible grin on his face made your heart convulse anxiously.

It seemed his presence not only stole your own ability to move a muscle. The entire venue quieted, a few hushed voices whispering in the background. It was like an evil spirit had entered this space and stolen the sound.

He approached you determinately, never letting his red eyes leave your own.

Your chief was shouting in your ear that you needed to leave. His screaming broke the charm briefly and you were able to tear your own eyes away from his to look for a quick exit strategy. You spotted a door across the seats with a staircase sign. Perhaps you could find a window somewhere there and squeeze through. It was worth a shot.

Just as your muscles got ready to turn towards the crowd, Sylus‘ arm swooped around your shoulder, squeezing you into him softly.

You dared not move. You had no way of knowing what he was capable of. His aura was mighty and something about his cologne made you forget you had a tongue. Looking up, he eyed you from head to toe. Your outfit didn‘t leave much for imagination.

„What a sight you are. I couldn’t resist spending a pretty penny on you. Let‘s not waste a moment.“

The depth of his voice made your stomach flutter, involuntarily.

He guided your movement without force, your body just simply obeyed him. You were both walking towards the place the last dancer had led their benefactor. You knew there were rooms up there.

He stopped in front of the owner. Giving a brief nod, the infamous man with his arm around you spoke again: „With the amount I paid, I‘m taking this one with me.“

The owner blinked rapidly, eventually nodding stupidly in agreement. Even if he didn‘t want that to happen (you were obviously popular), he couldn’t risk one of the biggest buyers to become disgruntled. The sheer panic rose further and nestled itself in your throat.

Your figures disappeared from the crowd behind the velvety curtains. Sylus kept walking and your head followed the very obvious Lounges sign that passed by you.

Where was he taking you? What was going to happen? And how could you escape?

He aimed for a small decline, leading to an emergency exit. A few of the stage hands scurried out of his path while the next performer entered the limelight. Your breath was caught in your throat as you both descended the four steps, reaching a long, bleak and concrete hallway with a door at the end of it. Your radio crackled unnervingly; you could make out snippets of words your chief was trying to verbalize. Then he vanished completely. There was no service here. No safety.

Your footsteps echoed in this hall, your heels clacking in sync with Sylus‘ shiny dress shoes. The way was narrow, so he squeezed you further into his body. You tried to keep your shoulders steady, the smallest bit of resistance you could muster was worth it, in your mind. You weren‘t going to just submit.

You were close to the exit and you pictured how you could elbow his side and make a run for it once the door opened.

In that moment, Sylus moved quick and shifted you with one hand so your back was against the cold and textured wall. The swift movement took you off guard once again and you held up your fists, ready to defend yourself.

He quickly grabbed your wrists, with surprisingly little pressure, but you weren’t able to follow through on the punch you wanted to give him.

„Steady there, officer. That’s no way to treat someone who just saved your life.“

Your eyebrows twitched in confusion. The question obvious on your face. He knew you were a cop? How? And what did he mean by saving? He just bought you!

Sylus’ eyes scanned you thoroughly. Then he laughed to himself, the exacerbated air hitting your face softly.

„Can I let go of your wrists or are you gonna try and punch me again?“

„Don‘t make me.“

He tilted his head: „Oh? Cocky, aren’t we?“

You weren‘t sure what was happening. Your eyes flitted to his hands then back to his intense stare.

Sylus let go of one of your wrists, but held the other one pinned against the wall. A seeming compromise, or a trick?

You could punch him, if you wanted to.

But you wanted to know how he knew. How did one of the biggest mob bosses know your identity?

Sylus free hand reached up to your check, a finger brushing your earlobe. You flinched.

„The radios all of you use are extremely cheap. Real easy to track and crack into, if you have the right software. I’d suggest moving to newer models, if the city allows the price uptick…“

His finger invaded your ear and pulled the iridescent, tiny thing out before you could stop him. You tried to grab it from him, but he held it up like a boy teasing his younger sibling.

You tried to jump to get it. When that didn’t work, you tried to wrestle your way to the door, but he turned you easily and pinned you back against the wall with one hand.

He smiled and you heard a small click. Then the broken shards of the radio fell to the ground. You stared at them in disbelief. What had you gotten yourself into?

You looked up at him angrily. His grip on you seemed so limp and careless, but you could feel that he was capable of hurting you, if he felt like it. You were cornered and unsure what you could do. How could he have known about this heist? Had he bugged the police station?

Perhaps you needed to play along, learn what you could and watch for an opening. That seemed to be the best course of action. Trying to fight him right now wouldn’t go well for you.

Sylus watched you stare at him and seemed to sense that you were calculating and questioning, then he grinned: „You really thought you were going to trick Alastair? With that weak of a security system? Sending undercover plans through text messages… I weep for this city…“

He shook his head theatrically. You raised an eyebrow. What?

„Because of your careless chief, Alastair knew of your cute little plan. If I hadn‘t intervened, he was going to kill you tonight. Samira would drug you and deliver you to his doorstep. Then he’d probably enjoy you a bit in his sick way-“, He gestured vaguely at your figure, „-before dumping you in the river.“

It was clear on your face that you were distraught at this information. You knew the mob had a ton of resources, but if what he was saying was true, they were never going to get anywhere. They were always a few steps ahead. But could you really trust what he was saying?

„What the hell do you want?“, you hissed.

Sylus grinned again.

„How about dinner first? You look hungry. But first, we need to get you an outfit. As beautiful as you look in this, I can‘t be seen with you looking like a floozy.“

He let go of your wrist and flung his coat off of his shoulders, draping it over you.

„I promise to enlighten you after we‘ve had a meal. And seeing as though I paid a decent amount for this date, I assume you won‘t be rude enough to reject the idea.“

You gaped at him. You were about to retort, when his arm flung around you again while he simultaneously opened the door.

Streetlights flooded your senses and a black car stood by the pavement, ready for the two of you. Your head whipped around trying to locate anyone you knew, looking for your chief, any comrade. Anyone!

No one. They were all on the other side of the building, and you had a feeling Sylus knew this.

He opened the door for you, one hand still around your arm. Reluctantly, you lowered into the strange car.

The driver greeted Sylus and called you Milady/Sir, simultaneously starting the engine and taking off. He drove through the city with a speed that was definitely illegal, but no one seemed interested in stopping him. There were more pressing matters in the city than speeding.

Sitting in the car, your eyes frantically searched the streets for an opening to roll out.

„I wouldn‘t try that, if I were you. Doors are locked.“

You turned to him and watched him type something on his phone. Then he brought it up to his ear and spoke in a language you didn‘t recognize.

While talking, he turned to you and eyed you up and down: „What size are you?“

He was serious about the outfit thing? You must be dreaming, this couldn’t be real.

You didn’t answer.

Sylus waited for a short while, scoffed, then turned back towards the call: „Your size.“

He guessed. And correctly? What?

Sylus finished the call and continued to type something. The rapid noise of his fingers tapping his screen was all you could hear. The silence was bugging the hell out of you.

None of this made any sense. It would’ve been so much easier to just let you get killed by Alastair. It’s not like your death would’ve meant anything to the police station, it happened daily.

What was the purpose of this entire spiel? What did he want with a cop in his backseat?

Was it simply just sex? Some weird fantasy he was fulfilling?

What was his plan?

These questions raced through your head and you couldn’t help but want to know the answer to all of them. Your tongue was shaking with a strong urge to ask what the loudest question circling in your brain.

“Why did you help me?” you finally said.

Sylus kept scrolling on his phone, not looking up: “We have similar interests.”

That wasn’t really an answer. You kept staring at him.

Sylus’ red eye finally turned towards you, noticing you weren’t satisfied with his response.

“I promise to tell you everything after dinner. Now, go enjoy the scenery.” He waved his hand at you, gesturing for you to leave him be.

Perhaps you could take this undercover thing a lot further: learn as much as you can about one of the biggest threats in the city, then run away and get the entire force to come after him.

You decided to wait. You couldn’t do anything else, anyway. There was a looming panic festering within you and you weren’t sure how long he would keep you alive. You needed to stay alert, but hopefully learn as much as you could to take back to the station.

Once you knew of his plan, you would run and report.

You sat at one of the largest dinner tables you had ever seen. Sylus sat at one end, you at the other.

You were in a giant penthouse on the outskirts of town. The place was decorated with many boxing trophies and high-end art. Everything looked expensive.

The food was fantastic. You had been reluctant to eat it in fear of being poisoned, so Sylus had stood up, taken a piece of your meal and put it in his own mouth – proving that it was safe.

Before the meal, a butler had delivered a beautiful outfit for you – classy, elegant and it fit you like a glove. You changed in an enormous guest bathroom. Your favorite necklace really harmonized with the outfit, as if Sylus had taken notice of it and planned it accordingly.

Despite everything looking and tasting divine, you were still sitting across one of the most dangerous men in this city. This was someone who hurt people. He was this city’s most wanted and you were sharing a meal with him.

You needed to remind yourself that he bought you at an auction. He was there, because he enjoyed that lifestyle.

You couldn’t trust him.

You both ate in silence. It was awkward. Sylus was on his phone the entire time, either taking calls or texting.

As you finished the last bite of your exquisite meal, Sylus set his phone down with a soft click. The abrupt absence of tapping drew your attention. His piercing red eyes met yours across the expanse of polished mahogany.

"I suppose you're ready for answers," he said, his deep voice resonating in the cavernous dining room.

You nodded, trying to keep your expression neutral despite the curiosity and apprehension roiling inside you.

Sylus leaned back in his ornate chair: "As I said before, we have similar interests. You want to get rid of Alastair. I wouldn’t mind him gone, either. But your methods will never work. I can offer my assistance.”

Your brows narrowed. A deal?

“I assume that assistance isn’t out of the gracious nature of your heart.” The words just left you. You couldn’t stop them.

Sylus chuckled, a low rumble that sent an involuntary shiver down your spine. "Perceptive. I like that." He stood up, his imposing figure casting a long shadow across the table. With deliberate steps, he made his way towards you, each footfall echoing in the vast room.

"You're right, of course. I have my own motivations." He stopped beside you, pulled the chair closest to you out and slunk into it, his proximity making your heart race. "Alastair is a thorn in my side. He's unpredictable, volatile. Bad for business."

You raised an eyebrow, curiosity overcoming your caution. "And you're not?"

His lips quirked into a half-smile. "I'm calculated. Alastair? He's a loose, dumb cannon that keeps causing fires I have to put out. He needs to go."

You blinked. The chair made you feel tiny, it was so wide and expansive that you could’ve easily sat cross-legged. It caused him to feel even larger than he already was, being so close to you.

“So, what? You pulled this entire charade just to get rid of some competition? Surely you don’t need my help to do that. Spit it out, what do you want?”

Sylus watched you, his eyes mapping your face. The lingering stare made you forget to breathe.

He was extremely handsome. It was distracting.

Sylus leaned in closer, his cologne enveloping you in a heady cloud. His voice dropped to a husky whisper, "What I want, pet, is someone I can trust inside the police force."

The term of endearment sent an involuntary shiver through you. You tried to mask it, but the slight quirk of his eyebrow told you he'd noticed.

"Don’t call me that. And why would you think I'd ever agree to that?" you challenged, forcing steel into your voice.

His laugh was low and rich, ringing in your ribcage. "Because, pet, you owe me. I saved your life tonight. Without my intervention, you'd be nothing more than a cold corpse floating down the river by now."

The stupid nickname bothered you, endlessly. But you dropped it nonetheless.

“That’s what you say. I have no way of knowing if that’s true.”

Sylus rolled his eyes and flicked his phone out of his pocket. Typing something quickly, he pulled a video feed onto his screen and held it towards you.

You were watching Samira in the auction house hallway, pacing frantically up and down on the phone.

“That fucking twink outbid me. What the hell am I gonna tell Alastair?! …. 50 million… yeah I know… it’s a huge fuck you…. no dipshit I can’t just pick another one. I literally bet all of it on that cop. Plus he knows the difference, these whores are built different…-”

Sylus pulled the phone away from your eyes, nodding in your direction for you to reply.

You swallowed hard, your mind reeling from the implications of what you'd just seen and heard. The reality of how close you'd come to death tonight was sinking in, leaving you feeling shaken and vulnerable.

So it was true.

Sylus leaned back, giving you a moment to process. His red eyes never left your face, studying your reactions intently.

"I still don't understand. Why go to all this trouble? You could bribe anyone to work for you with the money you have. Why..." you trailed off, a horrifying thought suddenly occurring to you. Your eyes widened as you looked at him, really looked at him for the first time since you'd arrived at his penthouse.

He was undeniably powerful, clearly wealthy beyond measure. And he'd just spent an obscene amount of money to... what? Have a little cop sex slave on the side? Why was he at the auction house to begin with? If not for that?

Sylus leaned his elbow on the arm rest and placed his cheek in his hand. His eyes wandered down to your chest, where your necklace swung quietly.

“Is this some sick kink of yours, buying people and making them fulfill some weird fantasy? Like your personal plaything?”

His eyes widened and a hearty laugh escaped him with such force that it made you jolt inwards.

“You think I bought you for sex?” He laughed even harder. “Pet, I don’t need to pay for that. Trust me.”

You started to get annoyed. Standing up from your chair, you tried to make yourself feel bigger by creating this distance.

“Then what? Why the fuck were you at the auction house then?”

Sylus looked up at you, tilting his chair back and forth playfully: “Again, pet. Your chief has shit security measures. I saw an opportunity…besides...”

He stood up as well. His towering form cast a shadow over you once again.

“I couldn’t just let a pretty thing like you die, now could I?”

Sylus’ cologne swirled into your nostrils and you shook your head to concentrate. Looking up at him, you couldn’t help but focus on the beautifully carved jaw line that pointed down at you. Blinking hard, you mustered up the last shred of courage and sanity you had:

“I’m not some trophy you can buy.”

Sylus' eyes sparkled with amusement at your defiant statement. He took a step closer, closing the already small gap between you. The heat radiating from his body made you acutely aware of your own.

"A trophy?" he mused, his voice a low groan that seemed to vibrate through you. "No, you're far more interesting than that."

His hand reached out, fingers gently brushing against your necklace. The touch was feather-light, but it sent electricity coursing through your veins. You held your breath, unsure whether to step back or lean in.

Then he brushed your hair away from your shoulders, tucking a strand behind your ear.

“I’ll give you some time to consider. I can really use a friend in the force. And you can use me, and my resources, to destroy Alastair. A fair exchange in my opinion.”

He turned away and walked towards a large door. With one hand on the handle, he shifted his face to the side to look at you once more.

“My driver will drop you off wherever you’d like. He awaits you downstairs.”

Your brows narrowed again.

“You’re letting me leave? Just like that?”

“Of course you’re free to leave. I never said you were a prisoner. I just, technically, own you.”

A sly grin stretched across his lips. With that final statement, Sylus opened the door and closed it behind him.

The complete silence in the room enveloped you.

What the fuck just happened?

You walked towards the elevator and pressed the button.

You were alone. Free to leave.

Free to tell the force your location and have him arrested.

The elevator descended smoothly, each floor passing in a blur of lights. You found yourself touching the strand of hair Sylus had tucked away, his phantom touch still lingering on your skin. The weight of the decision before you pressed heavily on your shoulders.

You could run to a payphone and call for backup right now. You could end Sylus Qin's reign over the city's underworld with a single dial.

But you didn’t want to.

Shaking yourself once more, you closed the elegant coat Sylus had provided for you and walked towards the exit.

It had been a long, strange night. You needed sleep. And you needed to think.

[limegreenbunny]

Vi and the final nail in the coffin of her sisterhood with Jinx

Much has been discussed about the controversial decision of Vi giving up on Jinx and becoming an enforcer in season 2.

I realized, upon deciding I would like to do my own season 2 "rewrite", that it was going to be important for me to strip back the layers of what Vi's real motivations are (as set up in season 1), why she would consider her sister "dead" and what should have been her driving goal going into season 2.

Vi's main motivation should ALWAYS be her sister, whether out of love or out of hate, and whether she would admit this to herself or not. That's the only way to stay true to the story and themes set up in season 1. I don't believe the writers of season 2 had a good handle on this.

So here's the big question: Why was the final scene of s1 (Jinx's mad tea party/rocket launch party) also the final nail in the coffin for Vi and her relationship with her sister?

[Note: These are thoughts I developed before s2 aired but I did know that Vi was most likely going to become an enforcer, and I will be addressing this question in regards to what season 1 set up, (not the motivations that we must haphazardly guess at based on what the writers of season 2 gave us). I want to get these thoughts down on paper in preparation for my own rewrite of s2.]

Let's explore some possible answers:

The reason can't be that she is upset over the actual act of launching a rocket on the council. She doesn't like the council or Piltover, to put it mildly.

Is it just the wanton destruction that bothers her? Vi has already seen this behavior from Jinx, and while each time it pushes her farther down the path of "my sister is gone," since this attack is, again, against Piltover, it falls a little flat that THIS one would be the last straw, even though it's the biggest in scale.

Could it all be for Caitlyn because of the the death of her mother? I think this could be part of her motivation, however while Caitlyn has made an impact on her for the short time they've known each other it's still been only a VERY short time. Not enough for her to go back on her lifelong dedication to her sister. (Yet this appears to be the only consistent explanation for Vi's actions in season 2 which just doesn't work based on what season 1 set up).

I believe there is a deep personal reason for this scene to break Vi's dedication to Powder. Vi's last interaction with Powder was to hurt her physically and even worse to confirm all Powder's worst fears about herself (when before she was always the one to keep these fears at bay). Vi became a monster to her little sister. This is indirectly explained in the scene where she tells Caitlyn about their childhood monster game (the "real monster" could apply to four different people in the scene).

Next, Vi is taken to prison. She states that the only thing that kept her going was the idea that she could get out and find Powder again, presumably to make everything right again, to live up to Vander's dying request, to reverse the moment where she became her little sister's worst nightmare.

However, prison ends up being the place where she descends into the monster again and again. The show addresses the fact that she is regularly beaten by the guards but barely touches on what is found in Vi's prison log in the Council Archives minigame, that she regularly fights with and beats her fellow prisoners in some cases beating them nearly to death. It's definitely possible that some of these people deserved it but at the same time it points to a troubling pattern of Vi allowing herself to sink to these extremes, drowning her pain in violence.

"If only I can get back to Powder I can make things right. This monster that takes over sometimes, it isn't really ME. I have a good heart, I'll prove it once I'm out of here, once I find her."

Violet's quest to save her sister is as much about her own sense of self-worth as it is about Powder.

That's the key to the final sequence. That's why the tea party, followed by the rocket attack, was what broke their sisterhood. After everything Vi tried to do for her, JINX rejects VI. Jinx can see the truth, that they can never go back, and snatches away Vi's shot at redemption and the foundation of her self-worth. Just as the old Vi whom Powder used to rely on is forever changed, the innocent little girl that Vi relied on to still need her is gone. Vi needed Powder to save her from her own inner monster. And Jinx walked away. In many ways these final moments are a parallel to Vi's "Because you're a jinx" to Powder years before. 

And this should have served as a foundation for the next chapter in their story, one where they are enemies.

[aethon-recs]

Tomarrymort Intermediate Pack — 16 Longfic Recs

As a follow-up to the Tomarrymort starter pack rec list, I put together a list of Intermediate Reads that are best enjoyed with a bit of context about the ship. If you’ve been reading Tomarrymort for a while, or have read everything in the starter pack, this next set of recs is for you. 

These recs feature a sampling of different authors than the first list, with an emphasis on underrated fic that I think deserve more recognition (hard to define, but for the most part, I tried to find fics with fewer than 2000 kudos). So I hope that even for the readers who’ve been reading Tomarrymort for a long time, there’s something new in here to discover.

This is Part 2 of a 3-part series (see here for Part 1, and Part 3 will be an Advanced reading list that will feature works of a more challenging nature). In the meantime, please enjoy these additional 1.8 million words of wonderful Tomarrymort fic.

*

Tomarrymort Intermediate Recs

aurora polaris by @aglassroseneverfades (E, 136k, WIP)

Setting: Post-Canon Premise: If Harry wakes up one day with no memory of his past, upon which he’s greeted by a handsome, doting older man named Gaunt who claims that he and Harry have been in a relationship together for years.  Why I rec it: A haunting psychological horror where the truth slowly creeps up on Harry that his domestic life with his devoted partner Gaunt is not as idyllic as it initially appears. The twisting, unhinged depths of Voldemort’s obsession in this fic are so beautifully portrayed. There were chills that ran down my spine as Harry starts to get his memories back and the mystery of what happened starts to unravel. I love the pacing in this fic — there’s no one big reveal; it’s a slowly unfolding sequence that gets delightfully darker and more fucked-up as the fic progresses.

dawn of a death of a dream by @cindle-writes (E, 66k, WIP)

Setting: Post-Canon Premise: If Tom Riddle appears in London the morning of Voldemort’s defeat, with the last thing he remembers from 1944, and quickly realizes that Harry Potter is the key to all the answers that he’s looking for.  Why I rec it: A light-hearted take on the identity porn trope, full of playful banter and delightfully charged chemistry between Harry and Tom. It’s usually Harry who’s thrown back through time, so it’s fun to see Tom scramble to figure out what’s going on when he’s pulled forward into Harry’s time. It’s also fun to see Harry try every avenue to prove that this mysterious new Tom is the Tom Riddle, even as he ends up hitting dead ends, and subsequently falls so deep into his obsessive tendencies that he refuses to let Tom out of his sight.

My Lord, Master, My Soul by FletchleyRose (E, 69k, complete)

Setting: Post-Canon Premise: If Voldemort captures Harry after the final battle and decides to break him — not with torture, but with pleasure and softness. Why I rec it: The soft, creepy non-con in here is so memorable and excellent! Voldemort takes a different approach to breaking in his horcrux than what we usually see, and this particular approach leads to such delicious and hot smut scenes between them wherein Harry utterly succumbs to all the softly pleasurable attentions. I can never get enough of darkly twisted captive Harry stories and all the ways that Voldemort keeps Harry isolated and utterly reliant on him. I gasped out loud at the part where Voldemort made it so that Harry can only speak Parseltongue — this exactly the kind of fucked-up content that is so perfect and fitting for this ship.

(never) let me go by @perhaps-sunlight (M, 28k, complete)

Setting: Post-Canon Premise: If Harry returns to Hogwarts after the war for eighth year, and he’s the only person in the castle who can see and talk to the ghost of Tom Riddle.  Why I rec it: This fic completely destroyed me. The story unfolds in such a poignant and haunting way — it feels like the most natural thing for Harry to feel such a strong connection with Tom and fall in love with him as the year progresses. The angst in here is so delicately layered and beautifully portrayed — Harry’s feelings are muddled with a growing hope that Tom doesn’t have to move on to the afterlife and the desperation that he feels when he realizes they’re running out of time — such that the emotional beats will end up resonating for a long time after you’ve finished reading this fic.

One Year In Every Ten by @saintsenara (E, 124k, WIP)

Setting: Post-Canon Premise: If a series of gruesome murders 10 years after the war has Harry and the rest of the Aurors completely stumped, and Harry figures out how to bring Voldemort back from beyond the Veil in exchange for his help in solving the murders.  Why I rec it: This is a spectacular and richly layered murder mystery featuring incredibly complex character dynamics and gorgeously lavish prose. I am blown away at the sophistication of the storytelling here — we get to delve into Voldemort’s past and so many hidden layers of his character, as well as how Harry has been handling the ‘picture-perfect’ life he’s always wanted after the war (in short: not well) — and in between, following all the clues and disparate threads of a mysterious serial killer case that could be its own standalone casefic! One of the most impressively sweeping pieces of writing I’ve seen in this ship, and there isn’t an element of this fic that I don’t absolutely adore.

Perfect Places by @skaelds (NR, 72k, complete)

Setting: Post-Canon Premise: If Voldemort dies in the Final Battle, and then wakes up in a strange house with no one but Harry Potter for company, and there is no way for either of them to get out. Why I rec it: I absolutely love the trapped-in-a-room trope, and how Voldemort and Harry have to work out their differences if they want to have any hope of getting out. I adore that the entire fic is told from Voldemort POV — his arrogance and his malevolence and his rage and the utter force of his emotions are so palpable. The emotional journey in this fic is so intense from beginning to end, as they eventually come around to an understanding about each other and figure out a way out.

Promises, Promises (part 1) / Dreams in the Dark (part 2) by @mosiva (E, 72k, complete)

Setting: Time-Travel (1940s) Premise: If Harry is accidentally thrown back in time to Tom’s 6th year, and then suffers a bout of amnesia from a memory-loss spell and can’t remember anything about Tom Riddle or why he spent all semester trying to avoid him.  Why I rec it: A brilliant fast burn featuring amnesia trope and tons of delicious dubcon. Tom is at his manipulative peak here, as he tries every underhanded technique to first figure out exactly what is going on with that new transfer student Harry Evans, and then when he’s figured it out, doing everything he can to keep Harry within his grasp. I cannot say enough about how hot the smut is throughout this 2-part series — so many layers of dubcon and manipulation that blew me away at every turn.

Sunspots by @crowcrowcrowthing (E, 249k, WIP)

Setting: Alternate Universe Premise: If Harry grows up in the muggle world without realizing he has magic, but he suspects there’s a bigger world out there because he’s had recurring dreams featuring Tom’s horcruxes his entire life.  Why I rec it: One of the most unique takes on a book 1 rewrite that I’ve ever seen. First of all, the characters are aged up to college-age, and since Hogwarts starts at 18 here rather than at 11, there’s a lot of character dynamics that are possible to explore with older characters that aren’t possible with 11-year-olds. Secondly, Harry has access to each of Tom’s horcruxes through a magical dreamscape dimension he can access in his sleep, and he has unique and distinct relationships with each of them, including (the main) Voldemort, so there’s a lot of fascinating and multi-faceted Harry and Tom dynamics. Also, the descriptions of magic in this fic are just stunning; it’s clear that a lot of thought went into the magical worldbuilding here that makes you feel as excited and awestruck by the concept of magic as reading the Harry Potter books for the first time.

Tender Reigns Our Night by @noumena-writes (M, 69k, WIP)

Setting: Time-Travel (1940s)  Premise: If Harry is sent back to the 1940s, just after Tom Riddle has graduated from Hogwarts, on a mission to stop Tom becoming Voldemort and imperiling the world of magic. Why I rec it: I love the mutually obsessive chemistry here as Harry and Tom quickly fall into each other’s thrall as their relationship heats up. The writing style is so poetic and beautiful, and I find myself rereading many sentences over again just to fully absorb the impact and beauty of @noumena-writes’ words. Even as Harry becomes increasingly entwined with Tom, he’s never blind to who Tom is, and he’s able to strike back with just as much viciousness — their relationship dynamics are so very intense and suspenseful, and the latest plot twist had me completely floored.

The Incantation of the Oak-Priest by @relic--crown (T, 223k, complete)

Setting: Alternate Universe Premise: If Harry and Tom are pulled into an alternate reality where Voldemort never existed and Harry’s parents are still alive.  Why I rec it: The richness of the magical worldbuilding in this fic blew me away — there’s a whole system of magic explored here that goes deeper and is far more brilliant and sweeping than what is covered in canon. The relationship between Harry and Tom develops in such an organic, lovely way, and it was fascinating to see all the changes in this parallel universe where Harry’s parents live and what Harry’s life could have been like, were there no Voldemort. Also, the plot! This fic was so intricately plotted that it felt like reading multiple books with a complex, epic plot spanning fifth through seventh years at Hogwarts, ending in a grand showdown like in the original book series, but with a surprising twist.

The Sense of Self by SpitFire97 (E, 87k, complete)

Setting: Time-Travel Fix-It Premise: If Harry and Voldemort find themselves trapped in a strange cycle of reincarnations where they visit different points in time in Voldemort’s past.  Why I rec it: A very cool take on a time-travel fix-it. Instead of traveling back to a fixed point in time, Harry and Voldemort are thrown back to various points of Voldemort’s past and relive life through certain people significant to shaping Voldemort into who he eventually becomes. The time travel theory in here is amongst the most complex that I’ve encountered — I love the concept that time is a river where multiple timelines and divergent events end up converging, rather than branching off and creating a bunch of alternate universes. I also love how organically the growing relationship between Voldemort and Harry unfolds as they progress through each cycle and gradually start to develop trust in one another and care and attraction for each other.

These steep woods and lofty cliffs by Rimeme (M, 76k, complete)

Setting: Canon Divergence – Book 6 Premise: If Harry runs away to America after Sirius’s death and disguises himself in the Muggle world for many years before getting discovered by MACUSA and offered a job with the magical government. Years later, he is recruited back to Britain to work for the Ministry, under none other than Undersecretary Thomas Gaunt himself.  Why I rec it: A thoroughly enjoyable read from beginning to end — I devoured this fic in one sitting. Harry makes an extremely rational decision here — why not run off from the war if Voldemort is trying to kill everyone you love? But then, when he comes back undercover 15 years later, things don’t quite seem to add up. Britain doesn’t seem like it’s been taken over by a genocidal Dark Lord, but there’s something nefarious simmering under the surface. Voldemort as a very rational Undersecretary Thomas Gaunt is a delight here, with his seemingly very reasonable focus on progressing wizarding society. It was fun to follow along as Harry slowly starts to put the pieces together, and I love how relentlessly Voldemort pursues and seduces Harry in this fic, until he's utterly unable to resist his attraction to a Voldemort who seems to have turned over a new leaf.

These Violent Delights by @heirofdragons (M, 55k, WIP)

Setting: Time Travel (1940s) Premise: If Harry, Ron, and Hermione accidentally find themselves thrown back in time to the late 1940s, four years after Tom has graduated Hogwarts and is working at Borgin and Burkes.  Why I rec it: A highly entertaining time travel fic with Harry stumbling back in time to find Tom Riddle in the full dregs of his Retail Hell years post-Hogwarts. Their chemistry is delightfully charming as they prod at each other and do everything to get under each other’s skin (including attempted murder), while growing undeniably attracted to each other. They simply can’t stay away from each other, despite Harry knowing who Tom turns out to be, and Tom knowing that Harry is the one who destroys all his Horcruxes and ends up defeating him in the future.

Three Turns Should Do It by @vdoshu (M, 284k, WIP)

Setting: Time Travel (1940s) Premise: If Harry gets thrown back in time after an accident with the Time Turner in 3rd year, and ends up as a disembodied voice in Tom’s head from the time that Tom is 11. Why I rec it: I absolutely love Tom growing up alongside Harry who is a kind of caretaker presence in his mind, helping make his days a little bit less lonely and helping him navigate the unfortunate circumstances he’s thrown in. This is probably the most extensively researched WW2 era story I’ve ever read; at times I felt like I was learning more detailed history about everyday life during WW2 than I’ve ever read out of a history book. This fic does an amazing job of fleshing out the pivotal events of Tom’s Hogwarts years and showcasing Tom’s humanity, and the bond of mutual trust and love that he and Harry build over the years is so beautifully portrayed. It also does a great job of exploring the question of predestination and whether anyone has the power to change the fate that lies in store for them.

Til Death Do Us Part by @duplicitywrites (M, 117k, complete)

Setting: Voldemort Wins AU Premise: If Harry gets captured by Voldemort and held as his captive, in a world where Voldemort had won the war sometime before Harry was born, and Harry has been fighting against Voldemort his entire adult life. Why I rec it: The emotions that this fic evokes are so moving and heartfelt. The evolution from Harry as Voldemort’s prisoner to Harry as Voldemort’s trusted advisor unfolds in such a beautiful, unrushed way. Harry is in his early 30s when he’s captured, so he’s older than what we typically see in fics where he’s Voldemort’s prisoner, and his maturity and composure really shine through as he starts working together with Voldemort and trying to exert his influence to improve the fate of the wizarding world. He eventually breaks through Voldemort’s shell, and helps Voldemort to grow in so many ways as the story progresses — particularly in his understanding of love and acceptance of death as a part of life.

With a resolute heart by Act_Naturally (M, 84k, WIP)

Setting: Same-Age AU Premise: If Harry and Tom attend Hogwarts together and are selected as Hogwarts Champions for an AU version of the Triwizard Tournament that is structured more like the Hunger Games tournament.  Why I rec it: This is a skillfully-written generation mashup featuring an incredibly suspenseful and high-intrigue setting. There’s a dark overhang of dread and anxiety that permeates every character interaction and training session, as we’re informed that most of the champions (8 from each of the 3 schools) will not make it out of the Tournament alive. Yet the chemistry between Harry and Tom builds and builds despite the life-or-death stakes — Harry is immediately attracted to Tom, and Tom admires Harry’s resourcefulness — even while they each realize they may be the death of the other.

*

[lovely080222]

I’m gonna be completely honest…the “break-up” (which was more of a fall out more than anything) between Vi and Caitlyn was completely necessary for both their developments in future episodes and how they would react to them.

1. Vi was deeply involved in all of it. Not by action but by association, therefore she felt guilty about what went down with Jinx and decided (after having an argument with Caitlyn about it) to become an enforcer and find Jinx, and kill if it came down to it. Which shows in one of the sequences of Jinx and Vi’s fight (when Vi steps aside to let Cait take the shot).

2. Caitlyn wasn’t in her right mind, and to be fair, if that shit happened to me I would totally loose it as well. Grief can bring the best and the worst in people. And because of that, she took advantage of her position as Leader of House Kiramman to chase Jinx and kill her. Transforming herself to the terrorist that she was aiming for.

Both were in a shitty position in act 1 that is not surprising that the outcome is devastating. They were doomed to drift apart due to radical decisions taken from both sides. Vi, driven by guilt, trauma and loss of Jinx “mentally”, and Cait driven by vengeance, grief and burden of the Kiramman House. Completely understandable but not fully thought out as they could’ve been but aren’t, yet sometimes those decisions are the lesser evil than the main proposal (which was beginning another civil war between Zaun and Pitlover). Still, it doesn’t make them right.

Vi did it out of guilty and obviously, because she thought it was the right thing to do, wearing a heartbreaking realization that her sister is “gone”(while Jinx/Powder is in still there, the problem is that Jinx takes the impulse of jumping into the most chaotic measures to destroy herself and everything around her). Meanwhile Caitlyn was blinded by rage and grief to think for a second all her plans to find Jinx. Not thinking for the consequences and dragging all the people around her to get her objective. They need to breath and distance themselves from the situations surrounding but in a time of crisis and despair, is not possible and the pressure to make ends meet is high.

For them to be in a healthy place to start over (like they did in 02x08) they need to go through it. Hurts to see them fall into habits but is very rewarding once you see the final outcome.

love,

~lovely

[honeymvnt]

I want it all [18+]

Ethan Hunt x !fem!reader

Words count: 3.4k

A/N: After hearing about the death of every member of his team, Ethan realizes that he’s the only one left alive, or at least this is what he thought before you found him again.

Warnings: Ethan in Mission Impossible 1 is a warning…. Jk, again this is a smut so you know what you’re doing.

This is for my Mav, girl I love you @mqverick 🎀

It was early in the morning when you came back to the apartment where you and the rest of the team settled down to organize the whole mission.

A lot have happened since the beginning of the operation and you couldn't come to think that everyone was dead.

The sequence of events went so fast that you found yourself roaming through the cold streets in the hope that no one was following you, with your thoughts glued on how everything went terribly wrong. The annoying taste of them was leading your mind to think about the only person you knew could've saved himself, Ethan.

It was around four in the morning when you quietly climbed the stairs of the building and the suspense was devouring you and you didn't even want to think about what you had to tell to Kittridge, how to deal with him and what have happened and why you were the only one left alive.

You were so focused on your own reflections, on your fears and preoccupations that you didn't even notice that there were two light bulbs missing from the lamp walls hanging at the end of the hallway.

You approached the room, making sure to be quiet enough not to make any noise but broken glasses echoed through the whole building when you stepped in front of the door.

The glass kept cracking under your feet and you hurried yourself inside to lock the door behind you as fast as you could.

The big room was still, weirdly still like never before. You looked on your left as you caught your reflection on the tall windows that were showing the beautiful Prague in front of them.

Your eyes scanned the area until when you noticed that somebody have been there before you.

"Ethan?" You called him, walking towards the table where his computer was open on some website you've never seen before. You tried to recall where you've seen the logo before but once again your eyes made their way down the book next to it. When you tried to reach for it a hand grabbed your wrist and within a second your back was pressed against the wall and your breath stopped in your throat before your eyes shot open to meet his.

He was alive. You knew it. With a gun pointed right in front of your face and his arm locking you againts the wall as if you were the enemy. He was different from when you've seen him a couple of hours earlier: his eyes were a bit red with such rage that you didn't even recognize yourself. Your heart started to pound against your chest when you noticed that he wasn't letting go of you as you thought he would've.

"Ethan... what are you doing?" Your voice was shaky, your eyes fixated into his while you tried to get rid of his grip but the muscles of his arms tensed even more, his eyes darkened and the gun followed you.

"Turn around" your lips parted, ready to protest but you couldn't believe at what was happening right there. As complicated as the situation was already, you didn't want to upset him even more and so, you did as he ordered you to.

Ethan quickly grabbed your wrists and held them behind your back while the gun was slolwy moved down your back and remained there.

"Who sent you?" His whole body was now against yours, pressing against your back, trying to get an answer out of you, an aswer you didn't even have since that all you did was coming back like the rules say.

"No one..." you replied, trying to understand his position in all of this.

"Bullshit" Ethan said and spun you around to face you again.

"Who the fuck sent you?" You shook your head almost with desperation as you heard the sound of the bullet loading the gun, ready to shoot if needed and you knew you had to make him reason and break whatever defense he was trying to build against you.

"No one, no one sent me" His eyebrows were frowned and his hands were putting even more pressure around your wrists as he dragged you into the bedroom.

"Ethan? I don't understand..." you confessed as he put the gun into his pants and started to move his hands all over you.

"Where have you been?" His voice was against your neck and his hands were having no mercy on your body as they moved from your legs, up to your stomach and under your breasts, looking for something.

"Ethan stop this..." you tried to move away but he didn't let you.

He did not care how far this was going and besides how scared you were and how in disbelief you were about the way he was acting with you, you found it almost arousing.

"Where have you been mm?" He asked you again, turning your body around so you were facing him once again. He held you in place, letting his intense gaze devour you whole, and waited for the answer as if everything in the world depended on it.

"I... I was- looking for you" you said trying to make him reason but he didn't seem open to that and held you with both of his big hands and pinned you down on the bed.

You were almost in tears but the excitement that you were still trying to deny from yourself was even worse. How could you even find something like this attractive? Yet, there you were, almost begging for more but hiding it with tears of fake terror.

"You were looking for me" he said quickly, while his hands moved down your waist and squeezed your hips.

You unconsciously let out a whimper when he did that and his eyes immedialtly looked up towards yours. He tilted his head and a smirk made the corner of his lips curl like you've never seen before. All of this was new to you and you were still trying to process the previous hours you've spent roaming through the streets, hoping to find him alive, safe.

"You were looking for me?" Ethan asked while his hands forcefully spread your legs in front of him and his body was once again pressed against yours.

He was staring down at you, studying every single emotion you were letting out, the slightest noises you were making because of him and you haven't even noticed how hot you felt when he hovered above you in such way.

You swallowed hard and your lips parted to speak, to at least try to ptotest but as humiliating as it was right now, you wanted it, you wanted it real badly and he knew it.

Maybe he knew it all along, before all of this mess, before the whole mission. Maybe he wanted you for so long that the shock of losing you made him so scared and mad that he needed to be like this to have you.

Or maybe he knew something that you didn't and it was hard for him to trust you.

"Not speaking again?" Ethan grabbed your cheeks with a hand and forced you to stare at him "who sent you?" He asked once again but you gave him no answer.

He let go of your face and moved his hands roughly down on you again until when he found the end of your sweater and took it off of your body.

He looked at you and devoured you with those eyes of his as you noticed how his breathing fastened and his hands were desperately trying to touch all of you.

"You like this..." he said frowning when his attention focused on the way your body was responding.

He wasn't happy about it, obviously because he knew there was something wrong going on but you were not talking, you were simply not giving him what he wanted from you.

Ethan held your chin and spoke again with that tone that was making you dripping wet "you like being treated like this" his jaw clenched and your lips parted looking at his.

His hand slowly moved up your cheek and your eyes were not leaving his, not even for a second before he crashed his lips on yours. Never in your life you had such a kiss and only god knows for how long you've been waiting to be kissed by him like that.

He was so fast that without even realizing his hands were holding your thighs around his waist and his lips were roughly kissing all of your body.

You weren't able to form a single sentence nor a single thought besides embracing what he was doing to you.

When his hands reached for your trousers he quickly pulled them down your legs, until your ankles before tossing them away.

His mouth was consuming you in the most lustful way a human can even imagine and you couldn't help yourself but moan his name, bite your lips and wrap your legs around him even tighter.

You both didn't know how desperate you were for each other until now. You didn't know what the hell was going on in this room and how many people were looking for the both of you by now and you didn't care about it, just like you didn't care about how wrong this was, considering the circumstances.

He kissed your lips over and over again, forcing his tongue into your mouth and you weren't hesitanting to let him have you.

"I saw you dying" he said panting, between a kiss and another while your hands moved down his, still clothed, chest.

"It doesn't matter" you kissed him back and took off his shirt before he held your waist and pulled you even closer to his body.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and with a swift move you were now on top of him with one of his arms was holding you in place.

"It does matter..." he said after you, looking up at you waiting for an answer but instead, you moved on his lap and spread your legs while your hands undid the buckle of his belt.

"It does..." he continued but a moan escaped from his lips when you kissed his lips again.

"Does it?" You asked confidently now, but when his hands run up your back and his mouth moved down your neck, until your chest, you lost it.

He felt the tension in your muscles and smirked against your skin.

"Yeah...it does" he whispered and his fingers moved along your sides, making their way down your thighs as you shivered and arched you back towards him. You bit your lips at the feeling and your eyes fell shut when he reached the waistband of your underwear and slowly pulled them down your thighs.

The anticipation was killing you, making your lungs suffer from the heavy breathing and your mouth wet at the thought of kissing him again. You didn't even want to confess how sensitive you already were just because of all that happened, how quickly it was happening and how insanely attractive he was.

When his cold fingers touched you right where you were needing him the most, without even a warning, your hands suddenly tightened on his shoulders and the moan that you let out made him bite his lips to kill his own.

He spread your wetness all over your folds and you tried your best not to let out a sound , just to prove him that you could've resisted if you really wanted to.

Ethan was watching you, your every expression of pleasure he was causing you, your every movement and sound and you knew he wanted you more, he needed more.

"Let me hear you" he demanded, pinning you down on the bed again, making a moan escape from your lips while his his fingers started to stretch you out and his eyes were locked into yours.

"Fuck-" you said before taking a deep and quick breath

"Yes just like that" he smirked down at you and started to kiss your lips, going lower and lower.

You were struggling beneath him but it was the kind of struggle that turned him on, the kind of effort he liked from you and he was just as good as you imagined at making you sweat for it. Yes you've been imagining this all along and you were craving for it. You were dying to feel all of this, to feel him and the more you thought about how many fantasies you had with him the more you felt turned on by them.

His hands were caressing your skin, gripping on it to make sure to leave a mark afterwards so you had no other choice than stick with him.

"Ethan-" you gasped when he started to slide his fingers in and out of you, curling them to hit the right spot and make your eyes roll back. Your hips started to move along with his pace until when you didn't even realize that he had stopped moving and you were just riding them yourself.

He watched you with amusement and excitement, feeling his cock throb just at the thought of how tightly you were gripping his fingers inside of you and how wet you were getting after each pump of them.

His hand moved down to remove his boxers and free himself from the struggle.

You kept rolling your hips forward before he wrapped his huge arm around your waist and quickly switched position so you were on top of him again.

He looked up at you with eyes full of thrist for you and all you did was wrapping your arms around his neck and kiss him, bringing your body even closer to his so your chest was pressed against his.

Your hands slowly moved down his torso before you glanced down at him and he captured your lips in his again.

You adjusted yourself on his lap, biting your lips even harder than before, feeling his hard cock right against your stomach.

"Ride it" he said looking up at you and only then you noticed how bright they were, how much desperation he was holding back since the first moment he met you. He would've begged you if needed but as excited and ready as you were, you preferred to save it for another occasion.

You slowly stood up from him and placed both of your hands on his shoulders while his moved up your back, to bring you closer. He gently helped you down on his cock as you bit your lips to kill another desperate moan, trying to let your mind ignore how big he was and just take it as deeper as you could.

"fuck-" he groaned holding your hips in place, breathing heavily against your skin as you whined at how well he was stretching you out, feeling it throb in anticipation when your wet walls started to grip onto him for dear life.

The pleasure was taking over you as your mind was taken away by his images scrolling right in front of your closed eyes before you suddenly felt his hand moving up your stomach to cup one of your breasts and squeeze it lightly.

"Ethan-" you moaned feeling how hot his skin was against yours and how his lips parted when you looked back at him. Your movements became sloppier when he kissed your mouth and moved down to nibble on the skin of your chest while his hand slowly made its way up to the back of your neck.

"C'mon babe" Ethan said breathless as he noticed how much you were struggling to take it but you were so close to the edge, so close to let it go but holding back to make it last longer.

"I can't-" you cried out as your head fell backwards and  your nails dug into his skin before he held you down on the bed once again.

He was still inside of you but he was staring at you, at how beautiful you looked right beneath him, with your cheeks changing shades of pink and your long dark lashes touching the top of your eyes.

"You're so... beautiful" he whispered, bending down to kiss your cheek but moving down your neck to kiss you as if he knew this would've been the first and last time you were doing this.

Your eyes fell shut and all you felt was your body melting within his, the hotness of his skin and the tension in his muscles as he held himself right above you.

"Please Ethan..." you whispered as your hands moved down his arms and his eyes returned to yours and sparkled at your words.

You were trying to read him, to understand what was going on through his mind while he was looking at you like this, if he was even aware of what was going on but his lips were too tempting and you found yourself putting your thoughts aside and kissing him before he started to move back and forth.

"Please?" Ethan asked against your lips as he felt how your grip tightened around his arms and you nodded in response, keeping your eyes closed to savor the moment.

His thrusts were slow and torturous, making yourself wetter and his movements smoother inside you.

“Faster” you moaned and he didn’t hesitate to give you what you asked for.

Ethan sped up his pace, holding you down and hitting the same spot repeatedly to make you arch your back for and more, making your eyes wet with tears and your body burn beneath his.

One of his hands was holding your thigh around him and the other was still holding you in pace as yours were tightening even more around the skin of his arms.

Your chest was rising and falling quickly and the noises he was making were only driving you insane and dangerously close to your break point.

“I wanted you for so long” Ethan said closer to your ear before kissing your jaw and moving down your neck.

His words filled your heart, wrapped around it and squeezed it between your lungs as you felt his love embracing you. You gave in even more.

Your walls clenching over and over again around him, making Ethan’s eyes fall shut and his grasp on you even tighter.

���Me too…” you confessed and watched him move above you as if it was the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen in your life and it really was.

You felt the knot in your stomach growing uncontrollably as he keep sliding in and out of you, kissing your lips, trying to be as quiet as possible but it was impossible.

“I’m- going to…” you managed to say between a gasp and another but Ethan kissed you and spoke up again before you could.

“Let go for me” the way he made you shiver just with those words was all you needed to reach the peak.

Your lips parted again and tears steamed down your cheeks before he buried his face in the crook of neck and moaned your name.

“Oh god-“ Your walls clenched painfully as you came all over him and he emptied himself inside of you, groaning against your skin and breathing heavily as pleasure washed over the two of you.

He didn’t move away yet and his eyes slowly met yours once again and you really couldn’t help yourself anymore but smile at how they sparkled at you.

Ethan smiled back at you and hugged you as tight as he could.

All the tension that the night had built, all the losses that you both went through, the fear you experienced when you knew everyone didn’t survive and the joy that hit you when you saw that he was still alive, waiting for you with terror in his eyes as if you were a ghost coming back to take him with you or even an enemy… it was all gone.

You held him with all the strength left in your body and his hand stroked your hair, his lips trailed kissed down your neck as he spoke to you.

“I thought I’d lost you” you smiled at his words and tears fell down your cheeks once again.

“You will never lose me” you met his eyes as you cleft your heart talk to him “never”.

He smiled back at you and kissed your whole face, making sure not to leave any spot unkissed before he laid down with you and held you close to him, to make sure nothing could’ve separated the two of you.

“Never”

[sylvanas-girlkisser]

Tinfoil out for Rell Medarda

So after my earlier post about the whole Rell/Mel/Ambessa thing, I got to thinking, and now I'm making it everyone's problem.

Spoilers ahead:

In the season 2 opening we get these shots (not all in sequence):

Ambessa sitting lazily on a couch holding a black rose

Mel looking uncomfortable surrounded by shadowy hands

Mel sitting on the same couch, lit so her shadow resembles Ambessa

So, Ambessa is in deep shit with the Black Rose right? They nearly killed her once, they've stripped her of most of her power and influence, and now they've kidnapped Mel. We know Ambessa would do anything to keep her family safe, and that doubtlessly include sacrificing her own life.

The most widespread Rell Medarda theory seems to be that she's Mel's younger sister, with the main counterpoint being that Rell's mom is described as "the heir to a fallen noble house" which doesn't make sense as a descriptor for Ambessa, yeah her house is falling but she's the head not the heir to the house.

And that's when it struck me: House Medarda is crumbling, but so is Mel's own empire. She's losing her sway over the council, her main ally wants to retire from politics, and a civil war is not good for business.

Which is to say nothing of the fact that it's more or less confirmed now that she's got magic, which last i checked is still very much banned in Piltover.

Also there's this promo image of Mel floating around which looks... Distinctly Noxian, at least compared to what she wears in S2A1

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Let's say that by the end of Arcane season 2, Ambessa is dead, house Medarda is in ruins, Mel's own fortune isn't doing much better, and suddenly everyone finds out she's a mage. Who knows maybe she even becomes the scapegoat for everything that happened between Piltover and Zaun.

She's exiled back to Noxus, and has to attempt to rebuild her empire from nothing. Somewhere in the process of doing so she has a daughter. A daughter with a whole lot of magical potential.

Next thing she knows, she's got the Black Rose banging down her door to get their hands on her daughter. Sure it might leave a bitter taste in her mouth to deal with them, but Mel knows business, and isn't there a degree of poetry to the people who ruined her, also being the ones to restore her to power.

"But hold on" you might say "Mel is a kind and loving person, her biggest goal in life is to be different from Ambessa, that sounds nothing like Rell's mom."

Did you know that when Britney Spears wanted her toddlers to calm down, she would give them pacifiers dipped in whiskey, because that's what her parents did to her growing up, and she genuinely didn't realize it was harmful.

Breaking the cycle isn't easy at the best of times, and if Mel is also having to fend off vultures at every turn trying to take what remains of the Medarda fortune, it's easy to imagine her falling into bad habbits.

And wouldn't that just be the most tragic ending for a character like her, who spent so much of her life trying to undo her mother's work, only to end up traumatizing her own daughter and sternly telling her "excellence is measured in sacrifice".

Hey does anyone remember how Rell was forced by her mother to kill her friends one by one in order to make her stronger? How about that scene in season one where Ambessa kills the Ionian princess Mel had made friends with?

[rottiens]

GONER | GOJŌ SATORU

✮ wc. . 2.3K

✮ tags. . angst, fem reader, major character death, manga spoilers. divider creds: cafekitsune.

✮ about. . a sequence of events that begin with you ending your relationship make you reflect on the effect your decisions have on the future.

How long is "forever"? For a child who is left in line at a supermarket while their mother goes back to get something else to put in the cart probably a long time, for someone who is sick it probably feels like an eternity.

For someone to whom you tell for a whole year that you love them, and that you will always be together probably the phrase ceases to carry the same weight as when it was first said, after a few months, one of you may say the words because they sound nice rather than because you really mean it.

Looking back you're not sure you remember it very well. The scene is a blur in your head, just like those old VHS's where you start in one scene and if it wasn't cautiously recorded it ends up jumping to a totally different one. You're not sure exactly what you said or how it sounded, nor what he responded to hearing you say it, you struggle to remember because it's important now.

You can't quote the exact words that came out of your mouth but you have etched in your memory his flushed cheeks, the way the gentle breeze ruffled his hair naturally. Everything felt like slow motion or at least that's how it's saved in your head, you think the detail of his blush was stored so clearly in your memories because you've never seen him so red before.

His face was just like a painter's canvas that had had a big red stain spilled down the center.

"Come on. Let's go home before it rains," Satoru suggests, ignoring the knife you casually plunge into his chest.

You clutch the black bag hanging from your shoulder tightly to your body and avoid his blue eyes at all costs, after all, the oval sunglasses do little to hide them and you don't know if you'd rather he was wearing the blindfold today. You glance down at his high-soled loafers, as shiny and shimmering as the rest of his outfit. You divert your eyes to his briefly to stall for time and refocus on your shoes.

He calls your name, reaches out his hand breaking the infinite distance between you and you pull back adding more space. You think you hear his heart break.

"You can't be serious." His hand returns to his side in submission, his throat rising and falling swallowing saliva. "Are you serious?"

"I want to focus on other things."

"I'm unfocusing you?" Satoru laughs dryly, briefly bringing a hand to his chest pointing to himself before lowering it.

"I'm not sure if we're compatible, I think we're only together because we're both lonely."

His lower lip trembles because what you said was a low blow, it's not fair for you to mention the things he's secretly told you while you were snuggled under the covers of his bed for a situation like this. Concern flashes fleetingly across his face along with a lightning bolt that breaks the sky. The parking lot is practically empty, there are couple of cars scattered around as if it had been put there specifically as part of the scenery, you lose yourself in satoru's porsche behind him, gray as the cotton clouds that suffocate the sky, the flash of the kisses you have shared, the laughter, the secrets that stay stranded in it stick in your chest like a sharp arrow but you quickly disguise it by blinking fast and pretending to smooth out the non-existent wrinkles in your clothing.

The silence is heavy. Satoru stares at you so intently that you think he has forgotten to blink.

Satoru opens his mouth but the sudden torrent of water that flows over your head startles you. Satoru gets wet in seconds which makes you wonder why he doesn't activate his infinity and take refuge in his technique, why he stands next to you as if made of stone, still contemplating you.

"You're tearing me apart!" he shouts through the sound of the rain collapsing against the pavement, the water making his shirt cling to his chest, his white skin glistening through the fabric.

"I'm so sorry."

You need to run from there, the rain is everywhere just like the pain that covers your body from head to toe. You feel it all over, crushing your bones, squeezing your lungs and stealing your breath. You are ready to run and flee by his side, but his long fingers stop you, catch your wrists and pull you to him.

Leaving you no escape he pulls you into a forced kiss full of hunger and resentment, his fingers squeeze your cheeks tightly almost as if he's forcing you to stay close but it doesn't matter if he hadn't, you wouldn't have pulled away anyway. He brushes your tongue with his, you let him taste you one last time as he tastes the trace of the drink you were given at the event you attended only minutes before.

The perfect couple, he strongest next to the best sorceress, everyone was talking about the children they would have together, about the future of both clans and the great family they would form, all without asking you first about how you felt. You immerse yourself in a lot of expectations that you have to live up to when all you want is to survive at the end of the day, with so much pressure from your family and the higher ups it is only logical that the band that keeps your appearance of the perfect woman stretches and torn.

You hate yourself for doing this to him before he leaves on a week long mission away from you but you think it's the perfect time for him to detox from you.

As you pull away to breathe he still holds your cheeks possessively, gazing at you just like the most valuable object on display. You can't know what those pretty eyes that hide a sea in them are saying, but you wouldn't blame him for hating you.

"Let me take you home," he asks in a raspy voice and you shake your head.

You can't be near him alone again, not in his car, not in your apartment.

Then Satoru releases your cheeks and they immediately burn from the absence of his fingers and embarrassment, he takes the longest backward step he can and lets you run away from him, literally and metaphorically.

That was the last time you saw him, after leaving him soaking wet in the rain.

It's not like you were desperate to see him again but you weren't sure that would be the last time you'd see his face either. With everything that happened after that day you purposely decided to avoid him, you took missions as far away from Tokyo as you could, avoided going to school on the days he would be working as a teacher and ran away from every social activity you know he would be involved in… little by little the big strong couple fell apart until people accepted that it wasn't a rumor and that you two were really over.

Then he was called to Shibuya along with the other sorcerers who were available. Conveniently you were in Latin America, too far from home to do anything more than hope that all your friends made it out alive from the massacre that was happening there while all you could do was wait and find a plane ticket as fast as you could. You had your phone taped to your chest all night at the airport and all day until you got off the plane until Yaga personally called you to tell you the details.

Satoru Gojo was locked up in the prison realm, I have a death sentence on my head… You'd be lying if you said you heard anything else after that. The phone rolled free from your hand to the ground, crashing to the concrete of the street in a muffled sound.

On your way back you found Tokyo in a mess. Shibuya seemed to have been crushed by a large black hole that consumed and destroyed everything in its path, that it had been a phenomenon fallen from space would have been easier to deal with than admitting that the monster that had created that was still there, hiding in Itadori's body lurking like a predator ready to strike at the precise moment and you could do nothing but wait for it. Guilt digs into your chest as deep as a knife, you refuse to cry and swallow the pain like a hard pill, you should have been there.

Since then you did everything you could to rescue Satoru as you know he's the only one who can take on a now free Sukuna, you can't do it without his help or a logical plan. And after everything that happened between you you feel you owe it to him, as a silent pact that you must keep your word to.

So this is the first time you see him after that afternoon. He looks different from the last time you saw him, maybe it's your fuzzy memories that didn't store the information correctly but he looks bigger even, his hair has grown and his shoulders are broader.

"I knew you'd be here," he jokes in his usual tone.

Here, away from the show his students prepared to welcome him as the celebrity he is. Your belly was in knots and you didn't want to see him, you weren't ready.

You want to slap him for being the first thing he says after months of not seeing each other, for treating you like the sweet friend you always were to him because you feel you don't deserve it, but instead and against all odds you pounce on him. Your arms wrap around his waist embracing an infinite cold emptiness that then materializes in the warm body of your partner.

You hadn't realized how much you missed him until now, until his fingers melt into your hair massaging your skull and pulling you further into him, until you hear him unabashedly sniff your hair and say between giggles how much he missed the smell of your shampoo, you soak his black t-shirt in your tears while his chest burns. You feel safe, you feel at home, and you realize that everything you did was a mistake.

As you lift your clouded eyes to him, you see everything blurred by the raindrops threatening to overflow like that day yet at the same time, you have never seen so clearly in your life.

I love you so much, I'm so sorry - It's at least what you would have liked to say before he interrupted you, his lips make you weep when they touch your forehead so soft, so delicate, you want to stay here forever, you want to tell him to quit, you don't have to save anyone else, you want to tell him to run away with you, that you're ready to start a family and grow old together but you know what he's going to say. Instead, his words make you keep silent:

"You can tell me all that when I get back, I have a lot to tell you too."

You hit the cold table hard where half of Satoru's body rests and the whole room shudders as your cursed energy emanates from you in great waves.

"You promised you'd come back so get up off that fucking table," you sniffle through your nose without letting a single tear fall. Shoko next to you says your name as low as if she doesn't want to be heard, her fingers squeezing your shoulder feels like she's doing it with pity, like she's comforting you, why is she doing it? Perhaps it's her way of telling you that that's it . "Tell me you can do something." You look her straight in the eyes but she keeps quiet, like everyone else, no one dares to speak or scream, why is everyone acting like this is part of the plan? Why are you the only one sinking into a deep salty sea? "Shoko, fuck!"

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry."

Your knees fail you and you have to lie down on his legs, hiding your face in the white sheet covering what's left of him, your heart dropping to your stomach as something sour and bitter rises up your esophagus.

"Leave me alone." That's all you ask, you don't get up to see if she's heard you over your voice drowned out by the white cloth.

The smell of the hospital and medication, unused gloves and alcohol makes your gut knot, it's all too much. You can barely breathe, your throat burns and it would be so much easier to feel a curse tearing you from the inside out.

"You promised…" you sob again hugging the corpse of the one you recognize today as the love of your life. "I'm so sorry," you mumble with a mouthful of saliva.

When you broke up with satoru you missed him every day, every hour, everything reminded you of him because you didn't just lose a boyfriend, you lost a friend. You missed him but you knew you were going to see him again someday, when the symptoms of grief would subside for both of you, maybe you could even get back the friend you lost because of your relationship but now, missing Satoru is a feeling of anguish that won't go away, because you can't call him anymore, you can't show him the pictures you took in the day, you won't be able to hear his voice again, you won't be able to hold his hand again….. It is a loop of a feeling of emptiness that cannot be filled with anything because he is now gone forever, a black hole that no matter how hard you try to fill it with things and people it will not fill, because nothing and no one will be able to take his place.

And for a person who has lost a loved one who told them that he would be there with them until they grow old, forever is a long time.

notes. . ngl this is really a catharsis for me. i miss a person who is no longer with me irl and what better than to open my heart and let out some of the pain through one of the characters i adore the most <3

thanks for reading! Reblogs are appreciated. And don't forget to spend time with your loved ones and remind them how much you love them whenever you can.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers. :) AH the post breakup ep. This one almost hurts more. It's most apt ep name of the entire season. ‘Crushed.’ Boy does this name hold up to what goes down in this episode. As much as it sucks what goes down with Blair. She was damn good at her job and this ep proves that. Lots of Tim analysis in this one as you all know is my jam. Eric and Melissa continue to crush us in this one. Phew. Let us begin.

6x07 Crushed

We start out strong with the soul crushing. Lucy’s necklace and DOD ring are noticeably absent. They know the fandom well to take away these objects. Of course we were going to notice them being gone. Hurts my heart to see it. Makes sense but doesn’t make it ache less. Our poor collective shipper heart. Granted the ring was her's long before Tim…BUT we all know what it represents. Her life being saved. Throwing it out in the hopes he would find it and save her. Represents him digging his bare hands into the earth to retrieve her from it. *sniffle* I’m fine….

Her necklace being gone is just a stark reminder of where we are with them. I hate it. The opening sequence is a gut punch to our feels. To Lucy’s too. Tamara is moving out. This also hurts to watch. The end of an era. Lucy is grasping at straws asking if she needs more time before she goes? Tamara asks if she needs her to stay? With the breakup and all? Lucy instantly say no. Even if she wanted to she'd never ask that of her. But it’s clearly upsetting Lucy watching her whole world being dismantled.

She went from having the love of her life with her daily, and Tamara living there, to neither of those things within a week. She literally blinked and her two pillars of support were gone. I adore her making dinner reservations for her though. Wanting to celebrate despite her current sadness. Tamara asks if Tim really got kicked out of Metro? Lucy immediately saddens and morosely replies ‘Yeah.’ Tamara being her protective self in her reply. I mean she isn’t wrong…But it brings Lucy zero comfort and it’s written all over her face. *sigh*

We go from one heartbreaking scene to another. Once again the punches not being pulled in the last 3 eps. I feel emotionally winded. For only having 10 eps they sure did pack them full of it. Which I was impressed with. We see Tim disassembling his Metro office. Hurts me to see it. Official time of death for Metro Tim is now. You all know how much I loved him in this position. I really hate this. Was more than him being fine af in that outfit. Was years of hard work flushed down the toilet *snaps fingers* Just like that. Really paints the picture of his trajectory downward after Ray.

I hate this on a personal level for him. The breakup is excruciating but adding this in is... It's salt into an already raging wound. Worst part is we watch him being stoic with Wade. Trying to pull all the company lines. Whatever will get him back on duty and Grey out of his hair. Luckily Wade isn’t so easily duped. He knows this man well. Been his superiors for years. Can see the grunt mentality Tim is displaying. Knowing how unhealthy it is. Grey lets him know Dr. London will be shadowing him. Tim is naturally upset about this.

This wasn't the work he meant lol Knowing exactly why this is happening. Wade doesn’t sugar coat it when Tim pushes back. Nor should he. Lists off the reasons he questions Tim's judgment right now. The reckless behavior that had him bounced out of Metro and back to patrol. Secondly breaking up with Lucy. Tim forgets this man watched over the years how Tim blossomed around her. Even more so when they got together. To toss that away is just as reckless as his behavior that lost him Metro. Tim is in a free fall atm. Grey is just trying to soften the landing when he comes back to Earth.

Tim being a lying liar who lies. Says him breaking up with Lucy had nothing to do with Ray. Oh my love you don’t really believe that do you? Because it has EVERYTHING to do with it. Was the catalyst to breaking all our hearts. It's clearly a tactic to get out of his ride along with Blair. The man as we know runs from and buries his feelings. Only person to ever get him to open up he’s shoved away at this point. Phew. This somehow hurts more the second to watch and dissect.

Wade stands his ground about the ride along. Saying if he wants to even begin to earn his trust back. It starts here. Otherwise he’s going to get mandated therapy. Which honestly I would’ve hated for him. Because therapy’s something you need to come to on your own. Not have it thrust upon you. So I’m glad Grey started out with this observation first. The man knows what he’s doing. Tim gives into his order of taking her with. Little does he know he’s going to end up doing both.

But that’s the beauty of this episode tbh. Once that is settled Wade slyly mentions he’s taking Lucy out. Tim being salty says for ‘Evaluating her too?’ I love Grey’s slick smile replying he’s just observing. Like I said earlier. The man knows what he’s doing. He’s also worried about them both. He knows how serious their relationship was. Probably thought their next step was marriage. So for it to be over he’s gotta do damage control. He’s the MVP of this ep.

This scene with Smitty still makes me blood BOIL. Months later and it still has me incensed with him. With that jackass too who was betting Tim cheated. How very fucking dare you nobody officer. If you knew Tim at all you’d know he would NEVER. Not ever. Neither of them would. It’s so degrading for both Tim and Lucy.

Also her and Aaron? Excuse me while I go vomit. I love how she dismantles Smitty. Straight up kills him. The shame on his face is something he deserves and more. This one of the many reasons people knowing was the worst. Because cops or not this was gonna feed the rumor mill. People gossip no matter the profession. Lucy telling him how wildly inappropriate this is. Honestly she should’ve reported his ass.

I would’ve. I'm crazy protective of them both. So I hated this scene for them. And for Lucy out of the two of them to find it ugh….Smitty promises he’ll shut it down right away. Damn right you will mofo….That scene still gets under my skin more than I would like. We were all in mourning as a fandom. So this scene lit my Italian rage up. Hated rewatching it. Made me sick to think of them gossiping about them. Still hate this whole thing. Doesn’t get easier with time.

The pain train continues forward with this next scene. The LAST thing Lucy needed in this moment was to bump into Tim. Especially coming off the heels of scolding Smitty. We see her rubbing her tattoo like no tomorrow. Trying to calm her raging emotions. She doesn’t even get a second to breathe, before running into the cause of her deep hurt.

Gotta commend Melissa and Eric for this awkward encounter. Lucy has zero time for this. Can’t even process what just happened with Smitty let alone this. Doesn’t stay in that corridor long. Poor Lucy almost stumbles over herself to get away from Tim. Shaking her head as he calls out for her. Rip my damn heart out some more why don't you writers? Good lord. Killing me softy. 5 minutes in and I’m a damn mess. Also what kills me in this scene how Tim lights up when he sees her.

Ugh you can’t do that after what you did Timothy. You stole her voice and her choice in that breakup. You can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to see you. You destroyed her in that parking lot. Decimated her loving spirit when you took off. Eric once again killing me with his expressions. His reaction after she all but dashes from him breaks my heart. This was self inflicted but hurts to watch none the less. To see them reduced to this awkward interaction is devastating.

I will say I adore Blair for coming right at Tim from the jump. Doesn’t waste any damn time calling him on his crap. His person isn’t there to do it. So she is the next best thing. Well other thanAngela. But he needed to hear this stuff from a professional. My sister can tell me something and it doesn’t resonate. My therapist does and it clicks. Idk why. Just does. Tim NEEDED this ride along just didn’t know it yet.

Doesn’t take her long to call Tim out for his decision to use Aaron as a buffer. Is reading him like a book she’s known for years. Saying he’s doing so cause he’s exhibiting classic avoidance attachment style. (Totally is...) Tim having not been in therapy is confused at her reply. She continues to depict him further. Explaining he prefers surface level over deep intimacy. Which is the case with everyone but Lucy…

She continues on to say it’s a defense mechanism. One that is developed due to an overly strict or domineering parent. Usually a father. Tim getting nervous already goes on the defensive. Like he always does when someone has him dead to rights. Did it to Lucy and Angela. This therapist is no different. Stating he isn’t a fan of this and there is going to be no over sharing. Ok love….

I do adore Grey for making sure Lucy is taken care of. We all know our girl isn’t going to take care of herself. Her and Tim are scary alike in this way. They’d rather take care of others than do any form of self care. So Wade is doing it for her which I love. He didn’t pick Tim he picked HER. He gave Tim what he needed with the therapist. Also we don’t get enough Lucy and Wade so I was all about this.

We know he’s worried because she’s taken hit after hit this year. Tim being the biggest blow of all. These other things were horrible but she had him. Her person. Her pillar. Now that’s gone and she’s losing Tamara to boot. She needed this ride along as much as Tim needed his. To say this season has been tough on her would be the understatement of the century. I’m hurting for her so much. Her entire world was ripped out from underneath her.

I think Grey can tell it’s pent up inside her. The constant ‘I’m ok and I’m fine.’ Are really cries for help. The awkwardness continues when they run into Tim getting ready for the day. Lucy extends the awkwardness inviting everyone EXCEPT Tim to Tamara’s farewell dinner. Well and Dr. London heh Who is watching this entire exchange go down. This shot from his cam feeling very intentional as he watches her invite everyone but him. A little shot at his soul watching this happen. He watches her depart sadly some definite longing in it. Oh Timothy you did this to yourself my love. Grey patting his arm as he follows Lucy out.

Lucy and Grey’s first call strikes a personal chord. Far too close to what she and Tim just went through. They show up to a couple fighting. The girl is losing her mind on him. Little stabs to the heart what this woman is upset about. Saying how she thought they were happy. How she thought he was the one. Then it just ended. How it doesn’t make sense. Ooof. My heart hurts.

I hate how relevant this call is for Lucy. Crushed is the theme through out this one. Apropos ep name if we’ve ever had one. Lucy then gets paranoid because she is feeling exposed in this moment. Feeling things she’s been suppressing gurgling up. Asking Grey if he set this up? That Tim just bailed on her. That their first call was about a woman being ghosted. I adore his reply. It’s Top Notch Wade Grey goodness.

Puts her in her place right away with that notion. But it’s very telling to him in this moment how much she needs this shift with him. The amount she has pent up is immense. The fact that she reacted the way she just did proves that. Her sensitivity level is sky high atm. Lucy’s reply when they get back in the car is hilarious though. Much needed levity in a tense moment LOL ‘It’s my bad.’ Hahahaha oh Lucy Chen never change. We love you so.

Dr. London hits the ground running with the case they have. Aaron bringing up it’s always the boyfriend right? When it comes to missing cases like this? It’s here Blair inserts her like about breakups. It’s SPOT ON. Say what you will about her as a person but she was damn good at her job. At zeroing in on someone and what makes them tick. What is holding them back. And her line about breakups is just that for Tim. Stating it’s a trigger for many men. How stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking help. It gets under Tim’s skin instantly. I’m sure she said for a few reasons.

First because It’s an accurate statement for most men. Sad but true. Two because she feels this fits Tim perfectly and his current situation. And lastly to see how he would react. Which of course is defensively, but she’s methodically chipping away at his wall. That statement is not only this situation. But it’s Tim’s entire life. His father called him. ‘Poor little Tim-Tim.’ This was not a term of endearment but a mockery of his feelings. For even having them let alone expressing them. To have feelings was shameful and to act on them even more so. Looked at Tim with disgust and disappointment for it.

That scene in 4x09 in his father's hospital room was a painful glimpse into his childhood. To how he was treated for ever being emotional or needing help. So of course he’s not going to reach out for help. It’s deeply ingrained in him not to do as such. Breaks my heart. Grew up the same way. Being pegged as ‘Sensitive’ or mocked for what they perceived as emotional tantrums. When I was just a little person with emotions and didn't know how to regulate them. I was emotionally imbalanced because of my parents. Just like Tim is cause of his father. Blair is testing the water with her theory and striking gold in this moment. Quite the opening volley from her.

Grey starts on his own inquiry into how Lucy is. Clearly needing to since she exploded at their last call. Asking if she’s talked to Tim since the breakup? She is brief and just replies nope. Although her reply is brief her emotions are not. Just hearing his name is springing up tears to her eyes. Melissa aiming to do the same to me in this scene. Straight killing me at how damn sad she looks. I hate it so much. Lucy follows it up with saying she thought he didn't care about her personal life?

Oof giving me Tim flashbacks to 3x08. When she was questioning why they were talking about her personal life? Grey's answer obviously different in this instance. Telling her he cares if it affects her job. I mean he is Watch Commander. This is a valid thing to worry about. Also part of the reason for this ride along. To gauge where she is at and how it’s affecting her on the job. Grey connects the dots of Tim’s IA investigation and their breakup. Knowing it’s not a coincidence.

Tells Lucy as such that he can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection. I mean obviously there is. He’s just not going to get that out of either of them. He failed earlier with Tim. Also it's not the connection he think's it is. I do love her instinct to protect Tim regardless of the hurt. Was pressed and she doesn’t budge. That is a natural thing for her bad place or not. Lucy may not fully understand the why of it all. But she would never cast suspicion on him due to it. She just loves him and will protect him even when he has no idea. I’m not crying you are….*sniffle*

Lucy reinforces the idea it was nothing of the sort. That it was just weird timing that’s it. Then she goes into analysis mode. Which is her form of defense mechanism IMO. If she can try to understand it. Figure out the why. Maybe she can start to heal from it. Not have it drown her every single day. Lucy chalks it up to Tim not being emotionally available. I mean that is definitely part of the problem…

He is a disaster zone of a person right now. He’s occupied mentally in a way she has no idea about right now. At this point in time Tim doesn’t even know this about himself. Only that he wasn’t deserving of her love, that he is too toxic, and she’s better off without him. Has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes for him. Neither does Lucy. It shows how painfully in the dark she is about what went down.

The sports comment is pretty comical though. I mean I totally get being emotional about sports. The Rangers ruined my mood for awhile when they were booted from the playoffs in June. We made it deep into the playoffs too. So I get the hurt. Regardless it’s a funny reply from Grey. Makes Lucy smile too which is a win right now. The look out the window had me cackling haha I love it so much. We need more of them.

Dr. London continues her barrage on Tim and I’m here for it. It’s the only way he responds to emotional stuff. Also I think Blair realizes if she doesn’t come at him hard, she won’t gain any ground with him. Doesn’t hold back when she compares Tim and Lucy to her line about how platonic love. How their's started out as a friendship and blossomed into so much more. *heart clutch* Eric kills me in these shop scenes.

We can feel and see the emotions he’s choking back. The sadness in his reply of ‘I was her T.O.’ He can feel the rush of emotions flooding in so he sends Aaron away. Tries to ward her off by saying he knows what she’s doing. Blair is getting under his skin quickly and he can feel the heat of it. She is poking at a raw nerve and it’s very evident. The looks on his face through out this scene make me wanna cry. Dr. London reminds him breakups evoke anxiety and depression in men.

Tim being Tim tries bravado this time. Saying he’s not depressed. (Ok babe…) That he’s the one who broke up with her. Trying to deflect but it isn’t working on her. Blair doesn’t relent and replies yes he did. BUT she can tell he has immense guilt around doing it. Which we know is true. He feels horrendous for breaking his person's heart. It’s eating at him like a cancer. Exuding out him so much he can’t use his usual tactics to hide it from her. She see's right through him. Like he's glass and she's peering in for a look.

Dr. London continues her pegging of him with this next part. My god does she have him dead to rights. Not only that but she’s getting through. She can’t see his face but if she could she would see it. Eric is masterful once again with his expressive emotions. We watch the range of emotions in this portion. Especially with his eyes. Always the eyes. She really hits home with her analysis of him. You can see it seeping in. I’m so bummed there isn’t a set of this scene. It’s so so good.

Bringing up how internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. If that isn’t our boy in a sentence. Sweet baby James. The part about self directed anger is this man to a tee. An absolute tee. The way he’s soaking in all her info has me deep in my feels. That guilt she mentioned is pouring out of him in this moment. Along with the shame and anger that is starting to build as well. The anger is because she draws a HARD line in the sand about this eval.

That if she can’t tell if he isn’t self destructive by EOD she’s gonna sideline him. How he can keep stonewalling her if he likes but it’s only gonna end in a psych eval. It is a rough way to come at him. But he needs it so badly. Lucy isn’t here to knock it into him. So I’ll be forever grateful Blair was. He of course reverts back to S1 Tim when Aaron re-enters. Snaps at him because he can’t handle the emotions coursing through him. So he takes it out on poor Aaron. What she said has hit very close to home. Sadly Aaron get the repercussions of that.

We go back to Grey and Lucy talking about Tamara. Their case involves a girl being scooped up from babysitting. Has her worried and Grey can tell. I adore him telling her what she’s done with Tamara is wonderful. That Lucy showed her unconditional love. The kind that healed her skeptical heart. Made her wanna launch back into the world due to it. It’s here Lucy circles it back to Tim. With her line about letting people you care about go. How could she not? It’s consumed all her thoughts for days and days. Grey picks up on it immediately. Asking if they’re still talking about Tamara?

This launches a Lucy rant of epic proportions. One I don’t think Grey is even close to be accustomed to lol She is finally ready to unload the emotional burden on her soul. Her reaction here is just further proof she had no idea why Tim did what he did. Also probably has zero idea he got half his unit killed. Bringing on his episode of self loathing. Which prompted the breakup. Saying she has no idea what happened to them. That she can’t stop thinking about it. Girl me too. It consumed a lot of my waking hours in that three week hiatus as well. Only difference is I got to know WHY Tim did it.

It didn’t make it less painful but it helped to know the why. This is where Lucy and I are a lot like. Needing to know the why helps me accept things. Otherwise I go insane. Like I stated earlier her defense mechanism is analysis. She was so damn blindsided by this. Her brain hasn’t caught up to any possibilities of why. Lucy was left in the dark from 6x05-6x06. Only let in with what I can assume was minimal surface level info about Ray. Otherwise her analysis brain could figure out why he did this if she knew EVERYTHING. If she did know she could cobble together exactly the why behind his reasoning.

Lucy going off saying she thought their relationship was worth more. The 'Unless it is.' haunting her. Haunting us all. I couldn't look at happy gifs for a long time.....She thought what they had was worth more than a cheap cop out. It was very cliched how he put it. Which was intentional I'm sure on the writers part. Made it seem like it was a cheap way out of their relationship. Clearly we know it’s SO much more complex than that. But she doesn’t know any of that. Which continues to leave her in the dark and it's painful to watch her struggle with that. I just want to tell her. *screams into a pillow* Instead of having a say in it Tim made the decision for her and it pisses her off.

As it should. It pisses me off. He took her voice and right to an opinion with their breakup. That is something he’s going to have to make up for. Lucy deserved so much better than how that breakup went down. She does deserve to be the one who decides if she wants better. Which she didn’t get to. Nor did she want better. That man was IT for her. And she is thought she was the same for Tim. It’s why her line about struggling with him letting go so easily hurts. Honestly It’s what adds another layer of tragedy to this whole breakup. The miscommunication even in the breakup itself is unreal. Lucy finishes off her rant perfectly though.

Saying even if she wanted total self destruction it was her damn life. Her friggin decision to make that call. Tim straight robbed her of that. Not only did he but left her holding the emotional bag afterward. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Our girl deserved so much better than how he handled that breakup. He has a lot to make up for in s7. But he knows that just not right now…Grey’s face to finish off the scene is everything. Knowing she needed to get that off her soul. That this is why he didn’t want her riding around solo today. This was a much needed spiral in a safe place. So well done Wade. Our girl needed this.

Blair doesn’t even have to wait for an opening in this next scene. Tim jumps in to defend himself about eviscerating Aaron. Saying it’s his style. She continues to read Tim like a frigging book. This is my favorite scene of the episode for him. Just because it’s so telling. Eric is incredibly expressive as she breaks him down. He feels trapped but also can’t deny what she’s telling him. Her assessment is out of this world good.

Another beautiful thing about this scene is she is attacking his problem at it's damaged root. Blair tells him he’s under a lot of stress it's clear. Not just the case though. Saying whatever went down between him and Ray must’ve been real bad for him to lose Metro. To be back on patrol. Tim doing his old move of deflection. Saying how he owns mistakes and moves on. Well he has half of that right… Our boy definitely owns his mistakes. Moving on is a whole other issue.

Dr. London is moving in for the kill at this point. Saying but he hasn’t moved on. How can he when his whole identity is wrapped up in acting honorably? Damn she has him pegged. If he could truly move on. Be solid in that statement we wouldn’t be here. If he could really reconcile with the past he wouldn’t have ended it with Lucy. He feels not worthy and very much not honorable enough to be with her. So he cut ties. *sad sigh* Tim cloaks himself in honor then condemns himself when he falls short of it. Which is why he can't move on. Just adds another pebble to his soul as it were.

Blair continues with her spot on assessment. Her guess being that has taken a devastating effect on his self esteem. We know it has. His entire life he hasn’t felt worthy or deserving. Has always had the lowest self esteem about himself. Because mistakes were failure growing up. Mistakes of any kind. Which isn't ok. A healthy and good parents loves you through them. Teaches you there are lessons in mistakes. That it’s not the falling down it’s the not getting back up that’s failure. This man has been knocked down more times than I can count.

He got up every single time. Which is incredible and grew him to be resilient af. Sadly to Tim it’s the falling down that is failure. He never saw his getting back up as a positive thing. Just saw it as surviving and it was partly. He didn't see the goodness in getting back up because his father never did. He grew up in a household where mistakes were pain. Whether it was physical or emotional it was abuse for said mistake. Didn't matter what it was. So to Tim if he set high standards for himself. If he acted honorably his chances of mistakes or failure would decrease. (In his mind at least)

The problem with that is he’s human. We’re all human and fall short of expectations. No one set his except him. Hell I just dealt with this writing this review. I set this insane expectation of when I should've been done writing it and I didn't hit it. I was mad at myself for a expectation only I had set. It's the same for Tim. Whenever he fell short of being ‘honorable’ in his mind. It dinged his already fractured self-esteem. To the point where he has none. Lucy rebuilt it over the years. But it goes to show you how little he thinks of himself. That Ray coming back toppled all of that. Imploded it really in a matter of days.

She really brings it home here. Her pièce de résistance as it were. This is where Tim goes from huh? To Oh…Blair notes it’s why he’s been punishing himself. This catches Tim off guard because he’s truly confused. Like I said earlier I don’t know even know Tim knew the deep why of their breakup. He for sure had no idea he was doing this specifically. No doubt in my mind he had zero idea he was punishing himself. I didn't know I was in the story I'm going to use here in a bit.

Now he knew he wasn’t worthy. Knew he didn’t feel deserving of her love and comfort. Because he had acted so dishonorably. To Tim there’s no way she could love him after that. He projected 'Rules matter Boot. 'their entire relationship. Long before they got together. To Tim he created this infallible image of himself to her that he fell short of.

One he tried to instill in her as a cop. Yet he failed to do so. He couldn’t look at himself let alone make her do as such. That's what he understood about what he’d done. Which is insane cause she met him at his worst and still saw his good heart. But that's a rant for another time and place ha Suffice to say it was standard he was holding himself to that she wasn't. I get this so much it pains me.

Blair soldiers on in her explanation. Letting him know he’s depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. I know this tactic all too well. I mentioned this in my mini. But feels appropriate to do so again in terms of relation. I do this myself. Tim and I are very alike it scares me honestly. When I fail at something I punish myself too. I feel I’m getting better at this. But this story is pre-therapy Caitlin lol.

Anyways I did this with my last job. I wasn’t good at it right away. I was close to being fired actually. My leader at the time was confident in my game plan to fix myself. I however was intent on punishing myself for being awful. I was mad I had failed in the first place. Pissed at myself for not being good right away. This clearly being the result of my childhood. Where I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. If I did it resulted in emotional abuse in the form of the silent treatment. So going into adulthood I still held myself to higher standards than anyone ever set for me.

When I fell short of those standards I punished myself. So with this new job I denied myself music. It was something I loved dearly. So in turn until I got my act together I didn’t listen to it. Didn’t felt I deserved till until I rectified my mistake. My boss found out and told me not to be so hard on myself. That there was no need to punish myself. I hadn't even realized that's what I was doing till she said that. I still was hard on myself but allowed her faith in me to let myself listen to music again. It ended up being what saved me.

This is why I relate so hard to him doing this. Because I did it. My whole life. Tim doesn’t even realize till now he’s punishing himself this way. He’s denied himself his person. What brings him the most constant joy in his life? Lucy. Who is the radiant sunshine that made his life better? Lucy. So. In turn he is denying himself the one person he feels he doesn’t deserve. Punishing himself by denying himself her presence, he is simultaneously depriving himself of the happiness their relationship brings him. We know how happy she's made him. The highest form of penance is sacrificing that. Oh my broken boy.

I love her saying 'Or more accurately someone.' She saw what went down at the kit room. How Tim longingly looked at Lucy when she departed. Knows this man is still so in love with her. It’s obvious he hasn’t made this connection himself till she says this. We see it dawning on Tim. Her getting through to him. We watch as this hits Tim square in his chest. Or really his heart. She has struck a deep chord and it shows all over his reaction. Especially in the second gif. Tim is holding back actual tears as it hits him.

Ugh my heart. Damn you Eric. As quickly as he comes to this realization Aaron re enters the car. Tim has to readjust and adapt back to hard ass. Was bummed couldn't fit this in but he struggles with it. Aaron is smart enough not to ask if he’s ok twice… I do remember being excited by this scene. Because I felt it would propel him toward therapy. To knowing he needs help. All the signs can be there but you have to see the need for it. I'll be forever grateful to Dr. London for helping him see it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo. Melissa you’re killing me. But also don’t stop. I love that you do that. It makes me wanna cry though. Because we all know why she reaches for it. It’s to remind herself she’s a survivor. The only problem is that idea came from Tim….That entire grounding exercise is wrapped up in him. So it’s painful she has to now use it about him. It’s beautifully tragic and subtle.

Which is why it hurts so good. Mostly hurts atm. Until they’re reconciled anyways. It PAINS me to see how awkward they are with one another. To go from being so damn linked to this disjointed mess….I hate it so much. Eric and Melissa do it so well though. The body language and the nervousness pouring out of them. Lucy wanting to start something but not knowing where to begin. At a loss for words.

Tim doesn’t help her at all. Just stands there like an awko taco. That lyric ‘I’ve never been a fighter.’ Ringing through the silence. Ugh the music attacking us once again in the best way. This song is so good for this moment. I truly think having listened to it enough times now. Feel it’s Lucy POV with these lyrics. Which I’ll delve into more in the side notes. This entire scene just hurts. Like poking a unhealed wound.

I have to note this gif separately. Said this a lot this ep but damn you Eric. His precious little smile here is killing me softly. He’s spent the entire ep on pins and needles. Avoiding his feelings. Lashing out at everyone around him. Then being hit with some serious realizations. Then he sees sees Lucy and it appears. That Lucy smile of his. But he forgets he can’t be flashing that adorable smile to her anymore. He lost the right to find comfort in her presence when he walked away from them. From her.

The smile also kills me because he’s so in love with her. Look at that man above. It’s written all over that smile. It hurts to watch. I saw a great tag for this gif. ‘idk what hurts more his little smile or his shining eyes.’ Honestly? Both. They both hurt….Once again he has no right to be showing her those in love eyes paired with tears. Only hurts her more. Hell it’s killing me. It pains me he’s punishing them both for this spiral. This scene hurts so much but starting out with this smile. *sigh* I'm dying Timothy. You've killed me.

Truly blinded by his own shortcomings at the start of this scene. Thought he could just jump back in there and be normal. That there’s no way she loved him like he loved her. So she would be more normal and ok after their break up than him. My broken Timothy you hurt my heart on so many levels. Not only that but makes a joke about clocking out. He's nervous in his delivery of it too. Which he should be. He exploded them and is making small talk? Oh Tim. No....

Lucy calls him out instantly for it. I adore her for the stand she takes here. Not only not letting hide in small talk but getting her side in finally. Refusing to let him force normalcy on them when they never had a real talk. An actual adult convo. Insulted he wants to hide in chit chat. No matter the place they’re in Lucy is always going to tell him like it is. We all know he loves her for it even when it hurts like hell like this scene does.

Lucy reams him like she should. Letting out all the emotions she never got to express. Also what she’s been stewing on. Telling him what she has been holding onto the past week. Saying how he’s been so concerned with what she deserves. That he BLEW past them even having an adult conversation. Which he most definitely did. Also it saddens me the physical distance in this scene. They’re never ever that far apart. Very telling of where they are right know. I hate it.

You can see the discord between just by their physical distance. What kills me is she gives him a chance to rectify it. To have that convo. Tim deflects because the man is no where near ready for that kind of conversation. It reflects in his reply. He only continues to see he isn’t worthy of her. You are everything she wants you foolish man. He doesn't have a damn clue with that though. So he continues to push her back. Away from him and his turmoil.

It’s here I’m so proud of Lucy. She stands her ground and sets a boundary. Which is not easy BTW. It's insanely hard. Telling Tim he has a lot more to work on that she realized.... That she wishes him good luck with that. But she clearly isn’t the person to help him anymore. *heart clutch* My heart is on the ground again. I get it though. She is stepping away from him and how nuclear he is. It’s such a good boundary to set for herself. For her sanity really.

Another great quote from that book mentioned last ep. “A boundary is our only fighting chance at reclaiming our peace.” It’s the only way she can regain any semblance of peace. To move on from this and heal. Have couple more that are so appropriate here. “People who are irresponsible with our hearts shouldn’t be granted great access to them.” Tim hurt her heart so greatly. Betrayed her trust so deeply. This boundary is to protect herself. But also to keep Tim from having the access he once had. It's easy to see he isn't budging so even if it pains her she has to create distance for herself.

Final one “Love can be unconditional but access doesn’t have to be.” Lucy still loves that man unconditionally but can’t allow him to access her heart anymore. She gave him one last shot and he blew it. So she retreated like she should when he denied her. Does kill me she is clutching her tattoo end of this scene as well. It's what keeps that boundary in place and her feet moving forward. Breaking my heart all over again in an instant. I'll just be sobbing in the corner no big deal...

I was pleasantly surprised when we got another moment in Grey’s office. Thinking that was the end of it. I was hoping against hope Tim wanted to reach out and get help. This scene delivers in spades on that. Tim fully expecting to be mandated therapy. We can see he’s actually disappointed when she has a good review of him. Reporting it won’t affect his work. I’m glad she did because it’s prompts Tim to advocate for himself in this moment.

To say I’m proud of him is an understatement. To not only see he has work to do but reach out for the help to accomplish that. The relief this made me feel is immense. Tim says he was expecting her to say he had a lot of work to do on himself. Grey opens the dialogue asking if he does? Tim says he thinks so…Such a huge step for him. I could cry. Hell I was misty when this scene happened. Tim then asks what Grey thinks of him seeing her regularly?

Wade's reply makes me heart so happy. That it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It really does. There is nothing scarier than asking for help. Especially with your mental health. Men have it easy in a lot of ways IMO. This is not one of them. They are told not to have feelings, or anxiety, god help them if they mental health issues. Tim coming to this place is incredible. This is a milestone scene for his character. I loved the writers tackling mental health this year. For doing it with Tim too. I could cry at how proud I am for him reaching out. For realizing something is amiss and knowing he needs to fix it.

As if this episode wasn’t making me cry enough. This final scene with Tamara gets me teary. Other than Tim and Lucy they’ve been my fav. Been beautiful to watch them both grow. It helped Tamara heal her untrusting heart. That unconditional love Lucy gave her never wavered. It helped rebuild her faith in people. In herself. I know it helped Lucy heal from Jackson. To show her to open her heart again after losing him.

They healed one another and it makes me emotional writing about it. They’re sisters and family all wrapped up in one. Hard to watch Lucy lose another piece of her life though. Truly hope this pain and loss helps her grow. If there is anything I've learned in therapy is that. Growing through the pain. I hope s7 treats her kindly after this harsh season. It’ll be make all the hurt she goes through so much better. I’ll be fascinated to see how s7 starts for her. How it progresses.

Where she’s at emotionally and mentally. My heart hurts for her in this season. So very much. I can’t even explain the level of ache I feel for Lucy. Our girl deserves the world and more. I hope she explores herself more next season. Tunes into how she doesn’t tend to take care of herself. Think she is on a growth journey of her own. It starts here though. I’ll be excited to see how s7 plays out for her. The end. of this scene is funny. Lucy begging her not to tell the car story at dinner LOL

This is gigantic growth right here. Coming here like this. Telling Dr. London that he was thinking on all she said. He is going against his better nature and reaching out. Admitting something is wrong and doing something about it. I know how hard it is to reach a place where you do this. What’s so beautiful about this development is Tim seeing he needs help. It's why he's here. He can feel something inside him is broken. He doesn’t know how to fix it so he is reaching out to someone who does. Tim can tell something is wrong and just wants to fix it.

To understand why and to get better. It is not a light decision to start therapy. It really isn’t. I ran away from my feelings for years. Damn near a decade really. Made light of the abuse I had growing up. Would crack jokes about it even. Because that was my defense mechanism. It was easier than dealing with what really happened to me. Ignoring how emotionally unstable and imbalanced I was due to it. I spent most of my 20s running away from help. From therapy. When it was brought up to me I would shoot it down like Tim. Call it nonsense and how I didn’t need it. I was also like Tim (Still am. WIP over here) and wrapped my identity up in the same stuff.

Being so fucking harsh on myself it was unreal. I still struggle with giving myself grace. I feel I’ve gotten better but it’s still a daily battle. It’s hard to explain the feeling you get when you know you can’t out run your demons anymore. There is just something that goes off inside you like an alarm. It tells you it doesn’t feel right, that you don’t know how to fix it, but it is time you ought to. All I know is it is different for everyone. What set me off is very different from Tim’s. His was a past mistake that came with a side of buried trauma.

Mine was a kind comment meant to make me feel good. Also some buried trauma. I was helping this sweet old lady who was a client of mine. She noted the earrings I was wearing and said they were nice. Told her my mom gave them to me with no emotion in my tone. I’ll never forget the sweet look in her eyes as she told me ‘Your mother must love you very much.’ What should’ve been a nice comment was a huge trigger for me. My mother is some of my deepest seated trauma. It set me off like nothing ever has before.

Her saying that unlocked this pandoras box of emotions. One I spent nearly a decade suppressing. I got into my car afterward and cried. I texted my sister telling her I think it was time I got help. I felt something was wrong. Wrong enough to do something about it. My repressed emotions had clawed to the surface for air. I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I had to get help. Something was broken and I needed the help to fix it. So that brings us back to Tim in this moment. To why he is standing here right now before Dr. London.

He tells her she is right. That he is mad at himself. We can see the realization just wash over Tim. Like he’s opening his eyes for the first time in forever. We can also see the disappointment on his face when she says tomorrow. He is wanting to talk about this right then and there. I’m same way (shock surprise I know.) Blair sees this and asks if it’s an emergency? Tim doing what he does best says no. Trying to do the “honorable” and not burden her with his needs. Because it’s easy to see yourself as a burden to everyone when you’ve been treated like one most of your life.

It’s what makes Tim digging deep and saying no I need this now below so massive. Watching him advocate for himself *sigh* I wanna cry. Because this scene is HUGE for him. I remember thinking to those who were hating on him at the time. If you can’t grasp how groundbreaking this is. You don’t get his character at all. Nor have you ever struggled with mental health issues or asking for help. Anyone who was nasty about his mental health made me so mad. To be that cold and insensitive meant to me you were emotionally immature yourself. I'll die on that hill happily.

If you need help understanding Tim in this moment or this episode please use my experience. What happened with me and what it took to bring me to therapy. Because they are similar. That is this man in this moment. Realizing Ray resurfaced all his demons. They came up for air and weren’t going away this time. Just like mine. This is Tim’s ‘Come to Jesus’ moment in regard to his mental health. He’s standing here because everything Dr. London told him rang true. Hit a chord inside him it was time to get right.

The thing is he doesn’t know how to handle it. Which is why he is reaching out like this. I do wanna say Lucy got him to a better place for him to do this. S1 Tim wouldn’t have reacted this way to Dr. London. Not at all. I don’t wanna forget the impact she’s had on him. But this is not Lucy’s problem to fix. She even stated that in their scene together. She is not the one which sucks. But this is not her journey to be on. A healing journey is a very personal and vulnerable thing. It’s one you have to do by yourself. (And with your therapist)

My friends and family helped prep me for mine. I’m so grateful for that. To get me to place where I could see I needed the help. But it was up to ME to take that first step. That's what this scene represents for Tim. Taking that ever so painful and scary first step into healing. Tim can see the work he has to do and that is progress. I truly truly hope he continues therapy in s7.

Despite Blair. I’m so excited they went this path with him. Didn’t just try and fix them and gloss over the fact he needs help. Appreciate the proper care they took with this SL. It also may not have felt like it at the time. But it’s paving a path of healing for them in the future. Tim’s head right will be best for them when they heal and reunite. Phew This was a doozy to tackle. I hope you all enjoyed it. And those who didn’t read my mini can see Tim’s POV and the WHY of everything. As I’ve said many times it is not to excuse but to explain.

Side Notes-Very Much Chenford

This will be Chenford related . I wanted a section to go over this glorious song 'The Ventura Exit.' Just wasn't room in the review to do it. So I'm doing it my side notes. More I listened to it the more it was perfect for this episode. Especially with what Lucy's is going through. It feels very much from her POV. The lyrics hit so much and have to be acknowledged IMO. First couple are just angsty musings from the song. They clearly aren't canon but evoked these thoughts in me. Others felt more canon driven.

"The first night I woke up four times on your side of the bed." This lyric could be said of the both of them. But this makes me think of her reaching out to his side in middle of the night. You know she probably still had on and off nightmares about DOD. Reaching out to him being a default for her. I could see that first night of their breakup this happening. This song put stuff in my head I had to get out lol

"Fighting muscle memory expecting a hand to be there when I reach out. Taking the Ventura exit to your house." This song is playing through out the rest of the episode. You can hear the lyrics if you really listen. I'm sure she fought the auto pilot to his house during that week as well. I know we only see them at her place but you know she was over there a lot too. Probably had her own drawer and all that. "I don’t hate you, but the more I think on it you let me down (You couldn’t see me. You stopped believing)" This encapsulates everything in this episode for Lucy. She doesn't hate him but he let her down SOOO much. He couldn't see her in their fight. He stop believing in them. Believing in her. So heartbreaking how perfect this song is. I wanna cry. "I miss you, I miss you, I’ll never forgive you. I wish I was with you I miss you I miss you I’ll always forgive you." I loved it ending on this lyric. Starts out with anger and never forgiving then it does. Because that is true of Lucy. She misses him so much but is so damn angry with him. But wishes she was with him. Which is why the ending lyric being that gets. me in the feels. We know she'll always forgive him. She loves this man too much not too.

I believe that's what we'll see in s7. Especially with him working on himself. That and giving her whatever doses she allows for him to show how much she means to him. This lyric made me hopeful for the first time since 6x05. If you don't have this song I highly recommend buying it. Not only is is perfect for this episode and them. It's just a REALLY good song. You can listen to it in full in the link I posted though. Thank you for all the likes, comments ( I LOVE comments don't be shy ha ) and reblogs. You are the reason I do these. I shall see you in 6x08 :)

[ban-styles]

I’M BACK! with a little intel and a lot of projection.

who listens to what? let’s see

JIMMY

so, i didn’t have many idea for him believe it or not,

but i believe he honestly just listens to whatever’s on the radio or whatever anyone puts on.

he’s pretty indifferent about music, he normally blocks out background noise anyway

but for a bit more of an answer, i feel like he’d maybe listen to that classic rap stuff, like pac, snoop, icecube.. eminem

he probably only picked up eminem because he kept getting compared to the guy. poor jimjim

also, my gut tells me he dabbles in a bit of numetal, moreso the rap side of things; the biggest example i can name for you is limp bizkit, but he’d slither his way into the lesser known stuff, like primer 55, snot, saliva, 311.. so so

but mainly whatever’s popular at the time.

oh, jesus, how could i forget punk? this guy’s all over the dead kennedys, the stooges, sex pistols. yeah! maybe stand alone Iggy Pop too.

GARY

so.. my heart tells me he would listen to nightcore, just straight away.. the rise of nightcore, what a time

he’d be totally embarrassed about it though, but it makes him feel cool.

now for my more thought out ideas,

i /personally/ think he would be really into nine inch nails, more specifically pretty hate machine

i feel like the music swoons this kid’s adhd, anything that really plays into his ‘evil’ demeanour.. whatever fuels him to continue writing plans to take over the school

not to be stereotypical, but also kmfdm, as much as i hate to admit it.

again, very motivational music. i feel like he’d be into industrial rock/metal all together

he’d be one of those guys who insist on hating the mainstream too, but would occasionally find himself attached to the odd cheesy pop song you’d /also/ find on radio

PETEY

rubs my evil fly hands together

here’s where i start projecting

so, petey is EXTREMELY big into music, but it’s something he’s quite embarrassed about.

when you ask him about it? he gets shy and just says he listens to whatever, that he doesn’t really care.

but he likes to listen intellectual’ stuff.

first up: tool. this kid is crazy about tool. he can’t get enough of it.

owns and has listened to every album and ep of theirs, knows every song off by heart,, has researched the band’s many smart ways of producing the music; the fibonacci sequence in lateralus, the whole concept of parabol(a), everything about the newly released 10000 days.. he can’t leave rosetta stoned alone, so much to look into

again; absolutely insane about the band, and is itching to tell someone all about it, but his confidence really nails him down.

i also imagine he’s quite a big fan of MJK’s other works - puscifer and a perfect circle.

that being said, he’s also a big fan of thirteenth step by apc.

i feel like mjk’s feature on white pony’s “passenger” would have also swindled his interest in deftones. he started off by listening to white pony, but found himself to enjoy deftones’ self titled, too

to say he was a music nerd could be a descriptor. he definitely knows his way around the niche, and is always looking at more stuff to listen to. you’d find him pondering at the cd racks in your local shop

‘i like the album art’ he says, ‘that’s why im taking so long’.

i believe it’s what makes him feel a little better about being a complete loner. nobody to hang out with? tool will sing you to sleep, petey, you don’t need much else

tldr; if you start talkin music, he’ll speak your language. he knows the entire spectrum

for some extra, i believe he enjoys some old jazz too. duke ellington and john coltrane ..

and to finish, he dabbles in michael jackson if he needs a break from the evocative emotion tool brings

peacceeee….. my music loving self might come up with stuff for more of the students.

[nattikay]

Jake is a Good Dad and I will Die On That Hill

Howdy Avatar fandom. Over the past six months or so I’ve seen a lot of criticism directed toward Jake Sully as a father, ranging from him simply being a little too strict at best, to outright neglectful and even abusive at worst. This, my friends, is some grade-A nonsense, and today we’re gonna talk about why. Strap in, lads, this is gonna be a long one. Let’s roll.

So before we get into breaking down the events of the main storyline, let’s address the idea that Jake was always the super-strict “military dad” throughout the kids’ lives: put simply, bullcrap.

Out of the film’s over-three-hour runtime, we get to see very little of the Sullies’ lives before the RDA’s return—only about six minutes’ worth. If Jake was meant to be this strict militaristic dictator during this time period, especially in a way that would significantly impact the kids’ character development and their relationships with him, this would be the time to show it, or at least hint at it. But instead of any of that, we really get quite the opposite. Jake laughs and plays with the kids:

Jokes around and cuddles:

Teaches Neteyam to fish:

He even says in his narration:

“Happiness is simple…whoever thought that a jarhead like me could’ve cracked the code?”

Guys, this is quite literally the best time of his life. This man absolutely adores his family with every fiber of his being, they are his whole world. Like, look at him! He has stars in his eyes!!

We have zero reason to suspect that Jake was overly harsh or strict in a way that would impede his relationship with his kids during this time. The Sullies appear to be a normal, healthy, close-knit family. 

It’s only when the RDA returns and reignites war that things change. 

I’ve seen some people claim that Jake’s personality changed it the second movie. I disagree—it was not his personality that changed, but rather his priorities. 

A1 Jake was a disabled marine vet who was offered his brother’s contract after said brother was unexpectedly murdered by some thug on the street…and part of the reason he agreed to take that contract was that there really wasn’t much else left for him back on Earth, so why not go? A1 Jake had just about nothing left to lose, and therefore could afford to be more reckless.

A2 Jake, however, is another story altogether. A2 Jake can’t just run around poking and prodding and taking risks like A1 Jake did because now he has a wife and four children who rely on him and who he loves more than anything else in the world. It’s not just himself he has to look out for anymore, it’s them. He now has everything to lose. He says as much himself:

Not to mention that he’s older now. Did you really expect the 37-year-old father of four who’s been leading the clan for 15 years and is suddenly thrust back into a brutal war to behave exactly the same as the 22-year-old fish-out-of-water ex-marine sent to fill in for his scientist brother out of the sheer convenience of sharing a genome? A2 Jake’s behavior is not a sudden 180 from his personality in A1, it’s a natural progression and reaction for his character given the changed circumstances. 

“A father protects. It’s what gives him meaning.”

This is essentially Jake’s thesis for the movie. This is his #1 priority, his purpose, the lens through which all his actions must be viewed in order to understand them, and it’s important to establish it upfront because it sets up everything else.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at the train raid sequence as its aftermath. Jake begrudgingly allows his now-teenage sons to participate in the war party—from a distance, as spotters. Neteyam seems content to fill this role, but Lo’ak, against orders, eagerly insists that they “have to get in there”, even goading his brother: 

Tailed by an exasperated Neteyam, Lo’ak grabs a weapon from Tarsem and lets out a half-hearted warcry:

...let’s be honest here, Lo’ak doesn’t really seem to be taking this raid anywhere near as seriously as he should be; he’s treating it more like a game—on which point, y’know what, let’s pause to talk about Lo’ak for a moment.

Because the primary purpose of this post is defending Jake, it may at times appear that I am being overly critical towards Lo’ak. This is not my intention—I love Lo’ak as much as I love the rest of the Sully family (which is a lot lol). I think the things he struggles with are reasonable and valid struggles to have considering his circumstances. However, that does not always mean that he is in the “right”. Jake and Lo’ak’s conflict through the movie is not as simple as “son right dad wrong” or vice-versa; rather, it stems from a generational/age gap in experience and priorities. 

In this case, for example, Lo’ak is treating the raid more like a cool action game than a real battle with real stakes. Which may not be much of a surprise—he’s 14! He’s young, he’s naive, he’s never experienced anything close to real war until the past year or so—he probably genuinely does not fully grasp the stakes of this situation just yet. And why should we expect him to, really? He’s never had to before.

Jake, on the other hand, knows the stakes all too well. This ain’t his first rodeo. He was a solider both on Earth (where he was injured severely enough to become paralyzed from the waist down) and then again on Pandora driving out the RDA in a battle that killed several of his friends and allies, including almost completely wiping out the entire Olangi clan. 

Jake understands the risks of war and doesn’t want his kids anywhere near it. We see this not only in the film where he only allows Neteyam and Lo’ak to participate in the raid “from a distance” and ultimately fleeing his own clan altogether once his kids are directly threatened, but also in the comics in which he consistently turns down Neteyam’s pleadings to participate in the war efforts. Unfortunately for him, his sons do happen to be coming of age at around this time and there’s only so much he can do to keep them out of it, so he tries to let them participate in relatively safe ways, like as spotters.

Lo’ak…doesn’t understand this. Not really. And that leads to him recklessly taking unnecessary risks—be it out of curiosity, to get in on the action, or even simply to prove himself. Which understandably scares the crap out of Jake.

When the raid is over, Jake desperately searches the rubble for his sons. He finds Lo’ak quickly and makes sure he’s alright:

…before taking off to search for Neteyam, who he also promptly checks over for injuries. 

which is something I’d like to point out here: although Jake sometimes gets gruff with his sons, he never leads with that. He always always always makes sure they’re ok first. That’s important. We’ll come back to it throughout the post.

Anyways, it’s only after making sure that Neteyam is ok that Jake’s initial bout of fear subsides and morphs into frustration and anger: what were you thinking?! And it’s a fair question. If the boys had followed orders, they wouldn’t have been at such risk in the first place. Once the party returns to High Camp, Jake addresses this point with them, reminding them that by disobeying direct orders they put themselves in very serious danger, and reiterating to Lo’ak in particular that his recklessness nearly got his brother killed and grounding him.

In other words, Jake’s response to his sons going against his orders was…a lecture and a grounding. That’s…a pretty reasonable parental reaction, actually. Sure, you could nitpick and say his tone was too harsh, but given the situation, I struggle to blame him…

…which leads into the next relevant scene: while Mo’at and Kiri tend to Neteyam’s scratches, Neytiri gently chides Jake for being too hard on the boys, concluding with the infamous line: “This is not a squad. It is a family.”

Now, what I find interesting about this scene is that neither party is really in the wrong here. Jake is doing his best to fill his role as a father by watching out for his kids’ physical safety—even if it means being a little strict. Likewise, Neytiri is filling her role as a mother by looking out for her kids’ emotional well-being. As she should!

That said, I think people who use this line as proof of Jake’s supposed parental failure are forgetting the context. While Neytiri’s line is true in general, when the boys sign up to participate in a war party, they kinda do become a “squad”. In that moment, in that context, they are a squad, they have to behave like one lest someone gets hurt if not killed. 

I also think they forget Jake’s reaction to Neytiri’s line:

Look closely. There are tears in his eyes. This dude was terrified of the possibility that he may have just lost one of his sons in the raid, and all his strictness stems from that. And Neytiri seems to recognize this as well, as she can’t seem to decide how to respond. She probably worries about the same thing, after all, even if she handles it differently. 

On that note, let’s look at the next time Lo’ak disobeys instructions: going to the old shack with Spider, Kiri, and Tuk, where they first encounter the recom unit. 

Something interesting about the aftermath of the recom rescue is that no one gets lectured this time actually. Remember what I said about how, no matter how upset he is, Jake always checks to make sure the kids are ok first and foremost? Sure enough, that’s what he does here:

Not only for his daughters, mind you, but also both his sons (we’ll address the daughter-favoritism claims later):

With the recoms now targeting the Sully family specifically, Jake, feeling out of other options, makes the difficult decision to flee and find refuge among the Metkayina clan. 

whoops, there’s that “protection” theme again

When their request for sanctuary is somewhat reluctantly accepted, Jake calls a family meeting and tells the kids this:

Remember how earlier we established how “a father protects” is essentially Jake’s thesis for this movie? Well, this is an offshoot of that: Jake believes that hiding amongst the Metkayina is currently the best was to keep his family safe; therefore, throughout the Sullies’ time with the clan, Jake’s primary goal is to lay low and get along with the clan so as not to tread on their hospitality and get kicked out (even if and when that means setting aside one’s own pride). This, then, is the lens through which Jake’s actions must be analyzed while his family is staying with the Metkayina.

The first time this becomes relevant is after Neteyam and Lo’ak’s little scrap defending Kiri from Aonung and his posse. Jake is clearly not thrilled about Kiri being bullied, but again, his top priority is keeping his family safe and right now this entails maintaining a good standing with the chief, which in turns means that his sons getting into brawls with Tonowari’s son is a very bad look. Which is why, after a moment of internal conflict, he asks Lo’ak to apologize to Aonung (he even tries to explain when Lo’ak protests:)

On that note, while remaining on good terms with the clan has to take precedence at this moment, Jake is clearly quietly proud of his boys for kicking butt, as we see from his exchange with Neteyam (though yes, it is unfortunate that Lo’ak didn’t get to see this bit).

…which brings us to one of the bigger moments that people point to when accusing Jake of being a bad father: the “you bring shame to this family” line. Now, I can understand why this line doesn’t sit right with viewers initially, especially since we have just seen firsthand the truth about what Lo’ak experienced over the past few hours. However, when you consider what’s going on from Jake’s perspective, the line is not quite as unreasonable as it first seems.

Let’s back up a bit to when Lo’ak first returns to the village after meeting Payakan. At first Jake is just relieved that his son is ok (remember: he always checks first)

In fact, once it’s clear that Lo’ak is ok, it seems Jake just wanted to let it go and head home…the real conflict didn’t begin until after Lo’ak lied to take the blame for Aonung.

Up until this moment, Jake only knew Aonung’s side of the story, that he’d taken Lo’ak outside the reef and he got stranded there (it’s unclear whether Aonung specifies that he abandoned him out there on purpose, the little punk, but I digress). But when Tonowari (rightfully) declares Aonung’s responsibility for the incident, Lo’ak speaks up to take the fall, claiming that the whole ordeal was all his idea, which Aonung had tried to talk him out of.

Lo’ak does not have a reputation for lying…but he does have a reputation for pulling reckless stunts that put himself and others in danger, so for better or for worse, Jake has literally zero reason not to believe this claim. 

In other words, for Jake, the situation has just gone from “my son got taken advantage of by the local bullies and put into a precarious situation but he’s home safe now” to “my son dragged a bunch of other kids to a dangerous location where he knows he’s not supposed to go despite the chef’s son trying to talk him out of it, endangering both his life and theirs, getting lost in the process, and thereby worrying and inconveniencing the entire clan on whose hospitality we rely by making them go out of their way to arrange a whole search party in the dead of night just to find him.”

…yeah, no wonder he was flippin’ ticked. No wonder he “didn’t want to hear it” when Lo’ak tries to explain that he was “only trying to make friends”. We as the audience know that’s true, of course, but as far as Jake knows in that moment, based on what Lo’ak himself claimed just moments ago, he was trying to “make friends” by…dragging them out to a dangerous location despite their protests thus jeopardizing both his and their lives as well as his family’s standing in the clan who can kick them out at any time. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to “hear it” either.

When you look at it from that perspective, “you brought shame to this family” doesn’t really seem quite as extreme, does it?

And yes, I feel for Lo’ak here, really, I do; he’s just been through a lot and yes based on the actual events that just occurred his father’s anger is the last thing the poor kid needs and I totally get why it would upset him…but at the same time, I can’t help feeling that he kinda brought this particular lecture on himself by voluntarily taking the blame for Aonung. Not really sure what he was expecting: that Jake would somehow read his mind and understand the way things actually went? That he would see through his lie and praise him for being so amiable towards Aonung by taking the fall perhaps similar to how Neteyam so often claims the blame for Lo’ak’s own reckless shenanigans despite how rude Aonung had been to him thus far? Or perhaps he just blurted out the blame claim as an olive branch of sorts to Aonung (genuinely trying to “make friends” in a way) without really thinking about the consequences of doing so. Who knows. But regardless of how Lo’ak did or didn’t think things would go, I think it’s a little unfair to blame Jake for his reaction. Based on his knowledge of the circumstances, which in turn were based on Lo’ak’s own account given only moments before (remember, Jake had zero reason to suspect he was lying), his reaction is actually pretty understandable.

Speaking of Lo’ak’s adventures with Payakan, the next time we see him clash with his father is when Tonowari lectures him for bonding with the outcast, and Lo’ak defends his new friend. Remember: Jake’s top priority is keeping his family safe which currently means not getting kicked out of the Metkayina. Lo’ak, regardless of whether or not he was in the right, was clearly upsetting Ronal and Tonowari in this exchange—Neytiri is actually the first to step in and warn her son:

…and when Lo’ak persists anyways, Jake has to step in in hopes of smoothing things over with the chief. 

It sucks that this upset Lo’ak, especially because we the audience know that Lo’ak is right about Payakan, but again, Jake is currently more concerned with not getting kicked out of the clan than with his son winning an argument about the validity of a tulkun’s outcast status.

.

...aaaand here comes the hardest part of this essay to write. Admittedly I wasn’t aware of this argument until recently, but now that I know it’s out there I feel obligated to address it here. Apparently some folks are out there claim that Jake did not display a sufficient amount of emotion at Neteyam’s death, and this somehow proves that he wasn’t as attached to his sons as he should have been. And all I have to say to that is: did we watch the same movie?? 

That man broke upon his son’s death. Did he wail and cry like Neytiri, no, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t heartbroken—wailing and crying simply aren’t how his character responds to trauma. He’s a solider, he’s probably trained to delay any external breakdown at least until a given battle is over.

But you can still see it in his face. You can hear it in his voice which breaks and shudders when he realizes that Neteyam is dying and tries to give him a few last words of comfort, wanting so desperately to ease his pain to the best of his abilities. 

...yeah. This man is broken in this moment.

…but his job isn’t over yet. The battle is still raging. He still has three more kids who still need him. As much as he may want to, he cannot take the time to fully grieve in this moment.

…which brings us to the big one, the main line people point to when arguing that Jake is a bad father:

Now, let’s be honest: was this an awful thing to say? Yes, absolutely. Should Jake apologize to Lo’ak for it after the fact, if he hasn’t already? Definitely, one-hundred-percent. I’m not disputing that in the least.

however…

In this moment, Jake has just spent the past however-long locked in a vicious battle, and hardly minutes before watched his firstborn son bleed out in his arms. And now he learns that his daughters—one of whom is a pre-pubescent child with no chance of defending herself—are still caught on the “demon ship” with the recoms, who have just very clearly proven that they have absolutely no qualms with killing these kids. Quaritch taunting in his ear certainly is not helping. 

The only thing Jake could properly focus on in that moment was getting Kiri and Tuk off that boat. Repeat: he wants to get his kids OFF the demon ship, not risk bringing any of them back ON. On top of that, Lo’ak, as established very early on in the film (see: train raid), has a reputation for struggling to follow orders…even when not emotionally devastated by the death of his brother. 

All these things considered, is it really any wonder that Jake did not want Lo’ak coming along on this mission? He’s already lost one son, why in the ever-loving flip flap would he want to risk losing the other by intentionally bringing him back to the danger zone with no guarantee he’ll come out again, especially given his apparent propensity to ignore orders and throw himself into danger? 

Heck, the only reason he lets Spider come is that Spider knows where the girls are and, unlike Lo’ak, Spider doesn’t have that same reckless reputation. Spider, in that moment, appears to be able to compartmentalize the fresh trauma well enough to focus on the task at hand, and can be trusted to do as Jake asks. Lo’ak…can’t. So, Jake wants him to stay behind.

Did he express it horribly? Absolutely. But saying one stupid insensitive thing in a moment of numbness underlaid by grief, pain, and fear does not make him a horrible dad overall, and I think it’s a little unfair to say that it does.

On that note, I do not believe for one moment that Jake genuinely blames Lo’ak for Neteyam’s death. Now, Lo’ak may well view it that way and I’m sure it’ll come into play for his character arc in future movies, which can be a topic for another day, but as for Jake’s perspective, no. I don’t think he truly blames Lo’ak. Even if he couldn’t necessarily process it all right away, I think he knows that Lo’ak is going through as much heartbreak as the rest of the family…especially given that Jake himself has firsthand experience losing a brother. He just said something dumb in a moment of pain.

(On the topic of Lo’ak being unable to follow orders, less than five minutes after Jake, Neytiri, and Spider leave for the ship, Lo’ak…immediately disobeys the order to stay safe on the island and heads back out to the ship anyways. Obviously in the grand scheme of things it’s good that he was there to save Jake from drowning after the scuffle with Quaritch, but still, good gracious son. Way to spectacularly prove your dad’s point.) 

So now we come to the point where Lo’ak saves Jake’s life. After a mutual choke-out with Quaritch, Jake is left to drown until Lo’ak finds him and pulls him to the surface, at which point he gasps for air and chokes out Neteyam’s name. 

This can be interpreted in a few ways. It could be that Jake is so accustomed to Neteyam being the “responsible” one that he irrationally thought it was him coming to the rescue, momentarily forgetting he had died or somehow thinking maybe by some stroke of fate he pulled through after all—this seems to be Lo’ak’s assumption, given that he promptly corrects him.

Now, some may take Jake’s “oh, Lo’ak…” as a show of favoritism, or proof that Jake values his first son above his second. I don’t think this is the case though—I don’t think Jake’s apparent disappointment is about Lo’ak being there so much it’s about Neteyam not being there. In other words, it’s not a personal slight against or disappointment in Lo’ak, but rather a form of still-very-raw grief for Neteyam who, remember, only just died, like, an hour ago.

It could also be that Jake is still so distraught following Neteyam’s death that it’s consuming his thoughts…he was able to shove it down and compartmentalize long enough to fight the recoms and get Tuk and Kiri off the boat, but that compartmentalization broke down while he was literally drowning and it took him a minute to focus and put things back together (which he manages to do a moment later when Lo’ak tries to apologize for his brother’s death):

The most excruciating interpretation I’ve seen is Jake thinking he had drowned and is rejoining Neteyam in the afterlife. ouch. Though that is, of course, just speculation.

Regardless, at this point Jake has just about given up. He’s exhausted, he’s in agony, both physically and emotionally. He’s completely drained. He wants Lo’ak to live but is ready to give up on himself (“I can’t make it. You can.”). It’s only when Lo’ak insists: 

 ...that Jake realizes he still needs to press forward. Because his other kids still need him. His other son still needs him and he’s not willing to give up on him. So he takes a deep breath (literally), puts his trust in Lo’ak, and lets his son lead him through the flooded passageways out of the wreck. When they finally break the surface, we have this lovely moment:

This moment is a resolution to one of Lo’ak’s primary emotional conflicts throughout the movie: living in the shadow of his legendary war hero father and prodigious older brother, finally getting the recognition and affirmation he so craved from that father. Some might argue that in terms of “ideal” parenting that this kind of moment should have come sooner, or that Jake’s recognition of his son should never have been in doubt in the first place, and while there may be some truth to that, I struggle to really blame Jake for it for reasons I just spent the past 4000 words discussing. I think the fact that this moment happened at all shows that despite their clashes and struggles and miscommunications, Jake does and always has cared very deeply about Lo’ak; his lectures and frustrations come not out of malice or some personal distaste, but out of fear for his well-being.

We see Jake comforting Lo’ak again after the family returns to Neteyam’s body on the rocks.

 As I said before, I don’t think for even the briefest moment Jake genuinely blames Lo’ak for Neteyam’s death. I don’t think he would be comforting him like this if he did.

…which, I suppose, brings us to Neteyam’s funeral, and Jake and Neytiri visiting his spirit within Eywa. No parent should ever have to bury their child and good golly gracious this scene ripped my heart out but I digress. I don’t even really have a lot of commentary to add to these scenes…just…just this. It speaks for itself.

look me in the eye and tell me this man “doesn’t care about his sons”. I flipping DARE you.

.

Well, that concludes the debunking of scenes that supposedly make Jake a bad father. But before we go, let’s look just briefly at this scene of him being a good dad with Kiri. I didn’t mention this earlier because while I’ve seen a lot of complaints about Jake’s interactions with Neteyam and especially Lo’ak, few people have qualms with the way Jake treats Kiri and Tuk—in fact, many people claim that he shows favoritism to his daughters, going out of his way “baby” them and treat them more gently and lovingly than his sons. I disagree and hope the above has done a thorough job dispelling that notion: Kiri and Tuk don’t go around throwing themselves headlong into the same kind of danger that Neteyam and Lo’ak do. They aren’t begging to participate in battle, they aren’t disobeying orders that land them in mortal peril. 

In other words: Jake lectures his sons more than his daughters out of necessity, not nepotism. Remember: Jake’s #1 priority is protecting his family, keeping them all safe and alive. That means that when one of his kids pulls a stupid stunt that puts them in danger he feels the need to crack down on that in hopes of preventing it from happening again. Lo’ak is, quite frankly, prone to pulling those kind of stunts, so he gets lectured a lot. Kiri and Tuk do not typically pull such stunts, so they don’t get lectured. It’s as simple as that, really.

Buuuuuut now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s talk just briefly about Jake comforting Kiri.

Like with the scene of visiting Neteyam’s spirit, I don’t have much commentary to add to this scene—it’s a very sweet scene and it speaks for itself really. Jake is very gentle and doing his best to listen to Kiri, even if he is a little unsure about her claims. He doesn’t criticize or invalidate, he just tries to be there for her. What can I say, that’s a good dad right there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

One last little point before we wrap up for real: the fact that Lo’ak and Neteyam occasionally refer to Jake as “sir”. I was originally planning to address this earlier but it didn’t quite fit in with the flow of the discussion and I consider it such a minor point anyways, I figured I could save it for a side note—but seriously, it baffles me what a big deal people make of this. 

It would be one thing if “sir” was something that Jake strictly enforced, if it was the only thing he allowed the kids to address him as, if one of them called him “Dad” and he barked back, “no! it is sir!” But…literally none of that is the case. He never explicitly asks them to call him “sir”, and they call him “Dad” just as often if not more.

The kids referring to Jake as “sir” in tense moments is a simple show of respect, nothing more. I recall my own dad also wanting to be called “sir” when we were in trouble and it was never really an issue. And I suppose your milage may vary depending on where you live, but growing up in the southern US, “sir” and “ma’am” are just very common basic courtesy in many situations (not just familial). 

Sooooo….yeah, the idea that Neteyam and Lo’ak occasionally calling Jake sir is somehow proof of Jake being too strict or cold or whatever else is really making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s not that deep y’all.

…aaaand I suppose that’s it for this post. 

In conclusion: 

Look guys, Jake does not have to be your favorite character. You don’t even have to like him, or agree with everything that he says or does. He isn’t perfect (which, by the way, literally no one is). But if nothing else, I hope this behemoth of a post has at least helped you understand his character and why he acts and reacts the way that he does.

Jake Sully may not be a shining beacon of parental perfection from a psychological development perspective (and all things considered, expecting him to be such is, quite frankly, a little silly), but good golly gracious he is trying his absolute darnedest in incredibly difficult and precarious circumstances beyond his control i.e. the RDA coming back to quite literally take over. This man’s family means absolutely everything to him and I’m done sitting back and watching y’all slander him just because he didn’t react to x situation the way you think he should have.

thank you and good night